#I say this as a meat eater too

[ladyhedoniste]

While I enjoyed the latest episode of Gastronauts, I genuinely don't understand why they didn't give the chefs a stipulation for the episode that everything had to be vegetarian!

Two out of the four judges could not eat any of the many dish components that contained fish or meat!

[egophiliac]

CROWLEY SSR THOUGHTS

there is zero basis for this, but I can't get this thought of my head

I don't know why I decided to draw it this way

[screamingay]

ngl i really think cricket powder might be the future. ive heard they take 2000 times less water to raise than cows and obviously less space why are we not jumping on this. personally i cant find it in me to be squeamish abt bugs if they're ground into a fine powder like.. how is that more repulsive than a literal hunk of flesh and fat yknow

[spark1edog]

i saw someone with a jeff dunham shirt at work the other day and it threw me into a fucking frenzy i hate that goddamn dead terrorist and his annoying fucking voice :/

[bbokicidal]

[REUPLOAD] skz + hands (and how they use them)

warnings: hand kink, sexual content (MDNI), fingering, oral (f receiving), squirting (hyunjin), putting that i mention jeongins church ring in here bc some people are religious n i aint tryna stir the pot

notes: a reupload from my previous blog !!

Chris : Man absolutely fingers you to the Gods. He's the type to know his hands drive you wild and he will absolutely use it to his advantage. That little 'Hall of Fame' move? Yeah - he's doing that shit to you under the dinner table when you join the boys for a night out. He's extremely good at using his hands to coax an orgasm out of you. (And you best bet he rubs over your clit with his thumb. Man is too experienced in fingering at this point. He knows all of your weak points.)

conclusion: uses his index and ring finger during sex + thumb for the clit <3 skilled enough to use one hand and make it amazing

Minho :  He... *sigh.* I'm going to be that person and say that when he fingers you, you can feel the veins in his fingers. Not in a gross way - in a like, textured... ribbed-for-your-pleasure-dildo kind of way. His hands are soft - incredibly so - and because of how the blood pools in his hands any time he lowers them below his ribcage, you just feel it when he's kneeling over you and two fingers deep in your pussy. He'll use his free hand to touch and pinch at your clit though - he's a little too disoriented to use just one hand. But he loves the way his hand looks when he grabs at the plush of your thigh and the veins in his hand become more prominent the tighter he holds onto you, keeping you open for him.

conclusion: uses his middle and ring finger during sex, uses the opposite thumb for the clit <3 too eager to use one hand, gets messy and uses two

Changbin : He - Girl. He.. *sigh pt. 2* He's the type to not...? finger as much? But more, use his hands to spread your pussy open for him so he can shove his tongue as deep as possible into you. He's going to use his hands to hold your thighs apart (as if his broad ass shoulders dont push your thighs open enough) but he's going to do it specifically by putting his hands on the junction between your thighs and hips and splaying his fingers are far apart as he can. (also an ass grabber.)

conclusion: enjoys some good handfuls of ass while he eats you out

Hyunjin : Absolutely fingers you - but always does three instead of two because he's an overachiever. He's going to be fucking you with his fingers so hard that the fucking wet squelches that come from your pussy are NOTHING short of absolutely drop dead sinful. Y'both goin' to Hell for the way he destroys your pussy with his hand. Also, who cares about the clit. You're not even going to be worrying about that because you'll be too busy squirming and crying at the way he fucks you with his fingers.

conclusion: the type to fuck you with his hands so hard that you squirt. that's his end goal.

Jisung : Less of a finger-er, more of an eater. A grabber. Very grabby. He'll hoist your legs over his shoulders (mf is broad and nobody ever talks about it bc they're too focused on his waist) and slip his arms (which are again- big as FUCK) under your thighs so he can rest his hands on your abdomen. He likes feeling over your sides and tummy, maybe even reaching up to pinch your nipples and he's absolutely going to be just groping and kneading at your breasts when you start to squirm against his face.

conclusion: likes to grope and grab, knows you enjoy the feeling of his hands on your body.

Felix : Again, less of someone who fingers and moreso someone who eats. Man is hungry. Man needs that meal. Man - needs that meat. (LMAO SORRY) Anyway absolutely will grab at you while he eats you out. But unlike Ji where he's groping and grabbing and whatever - Felix will slap his hands on your thighs, arms wrapped under your legs, and then he'll lay there and eat - and knead at your skin while he does it. There is never a moment where his fingers aren't digging into the soft plush of your thighs and kneading the skin, pulling lightly on it and feeling how it bulges between his fingers. He's weak for it.

conclusion: thigh man 100%

Seungmin : The type to start by eating you out and letting you relax and think you're being taken care of but then slip his middle finger in and fuck you with it while he abuses you with his tongue. No warning, just a sudden intrusion that's definitely not unwelcome. Uses his free hand to pin your abdomen/hips down to the mattress so you can't move around too much. Also the type to absolutely bury his face in your pussy and try 'n get his tongue as deep into you as he possibly can. A messy eater.

conclusion: eats you out like you're his last meal but likes to keep you on your toes and wiggly. he thinks you're so cute.

Jeongin : We all know he's got pretty hands. (next to seungmo, imo.) So we know he's going to use his long fucking fingers to destroy your pussy. Definitely the type to use his middle and ring finger to fuck you, free hand splayed over your thigh to push it away from his head. You swear on God he's pushing at your cervix every time he goes knuckle deep and it makes you try to close your thighs but he refuses to let it happen and holds you open. Where Seungmin fucks you with his tongue and his fingers - Jeongin fucks you with his fingers and lets his mouth take care of your clit only. But his tongue is a topic for another time. 

conclusion: certified clit sucker. has the longest fingers known to mankind and keeps his rosary ring ON while you fuck.

[lowkeyren]

—my muse, my cure.

in which : both you and jiaoqiu are deeply concerned about each other's health but have an unconventional way of showing it.

pairing : jiaoqiu x gn!reader

wc 850, established relationship, 2.5 spoilers woops (but this isn't angst trust), also ib by an iconic line in 2.5 iykwim, art by @/Lianzi_ on x, reblogs r much appreciated!!!

how do we get a picky eater to eat green peppers?

being a picky eater isn't easy, especially when you have a sly fox like jiaoqiu in your kitchen.

you think you're safe when you see a simple, mouthwatering dish; but with him, there's always a catch. beneath the savoury aroma of perfectly cooked meatballs or the comforting warmth of a soup, he hides the things you avoid —finely diced peppers, a hint of spice, or icky vegetables you swore you’d never touch.

jiaoqiu doesn’t say a word, but the way his ears twitch gives him away. he watches with a subtle, knowing grin as you take a bite, waiting for you to realize what he’s done. though by the time you do notice, it’s already too late. despite your best efforts, the subtle icky flavour of green peppers have already permeated your taste buds.

“you didn’t even notice, did you?” he teases, his voice laced with mischief.

you shoot him a glare as you reluctantly finish the dish, the flavours blending together so seamlessly that you almost forget what you were trying to avoid in the first place. (seems like his culinary skills managed to win you over once again)

“that’s not very polite of you, doctor.” 

jiaoqiu’s smile widens at your response. “ah, come on now,” he says, feigning a hurt expression. “it's all in good fun. besides, you know those peppers are packed with vitamins. it’s good for you.”

you let out an exaggerated sigh, your irritation still simmering. “well, just because your dish turned out good, don’t think i’m letting you off the hook that easily,” you say, rolling your eyes, though a small smile tugs at the corners of your mouth.

jiaoqiu only chuckles at your response, clearly amused. “i see how it is,” his tone taking on a teasing lilt as he steps a little closer, “you best stay on your guard then, dearest.” 

“how do we get a picky eater to eat green peppers?” the answer is quite simple. chop the peppers and mix them with minced meat to make meatballs, allowing the meat’s flavor to mask the peppers so even your fussy spouse can enjoy them.

how do we get a stubborn doctor to drink his medicine?

being a doctor isn't easy, especially when you’re injured and your partner is more worried about your own health than you are.

“qiu’er, i’m back!” the sound of your voice instantly draws his attention, he turns his head in your direction, the subtle rustle of sheets accompanying his movement. the bed dips slightly under your weight as you settle beside him, the warmth of your presence soothing. “here, i brought you some tea,” you murmur. 

“careful, it’s hot.” you gently lift the cup to his lips, the steam rising and carrying with it the sweet, spiced scent of cinnamon —he immediately notices the strong overpowering smell right away.

ah… cinnamon? so you took his advice from years ago, but unfortunately a fox’s senses are sharper than most. 

his nose scrunches slightly as the liquid gently brushes against his lips. “spiked my tea with something, dearest?” you pause, setting the cup down with a soft clink. though just as you’re about to retort, his hand reaches out, searching for you with a gentle touch. his fingers graze your arm, then find your hand, which he clasps with a tender grip.

“cinnamon is excellent for masking strong odors and is even used to conceal the scent of poison... but you wouldn’t be so cruel to me, would you?” he remarks with a playful smile, though there’s an ironic edge to his words, given his current condition.

you let out an exasperated sigh, “you wouldn’t take your medicine, qiu’er. i never thought you’d be such a stubborn doctor.” 

he chuckles softly, the sound low and a little raspy. “stubborn? i prefer ‘selective.’” his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly. “and i chose to have you as my doctor.” 

“if it means i get to be the one who takes care of you, then i’ll gladly accept that,” you reply, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “now get some rest —doctor’s orders.” you help him settle back on the bed, careful not to accidentally press on his bandaged wounds, before gently pulling the sheets up to cover him.

you lean down to kiss the crown of his head, running your fingers through his hair in a soothing, rhythmic motion. “i’m only following your orders, baobei,” he mumbles softly, his words trailing off as he drifts into a peaceful sleep.

today the sun may blaze brightly in the sky, but its brilliance fades next to the warmth of your smile, a light that, though he may not be able to see, touches his heart more profoundly than the brightest day ever could.

how do we get a stubborn doctor to drink his medicine? easy. disguise it in a comforting cup of tea, masking the bitterness with cinnamon, so even he won’t notice until it’s too late. of course, your tricks never really fool him, but he lets you win anyway.

homeboy has been through so much

MASTERLIST.

[yearningaces]

So...

You know how if you're (American) in another country, and find another American and all the sudden it's like 'Hey! Friend! Friend! That's my bestie!' That person could be from an entirely different state but all the sudden you're similar around the unfamiliar so you're buddies!

Does that happen with monsters?

Better yet-

Say you're a human, the only human being hired onto a large cargo ship that travels planet to planet through space. Most of the others you work with are so different in appearance and species you sometimes don't know even if some of them have eyes, or just use a form of echolocation.

Still! It's a nice job, you're given respect due to your status as (a deathworlder) a human, and you're settling in nicely the first few days.

There's a pack of aliens you haven't met yet though, The Aslai.

Huge creatures with a semi-humanoid appearance paired with patches of striped fur across varying parts of them. A maw that unhinges in three distinct separation points, fur tipped tails that vary with color, and slightly elongated limbs.

Of course, the Aslai are the engineers. They work in the sub-floor deck where the machinery and engines are stationed. Heavy creatures with prehensile tails that can lift just as much as their long, burly arms. Creatures made to be strong, and with vast intelligence, the Aslai are perfect for such jobs. Most times they flock to them, truthfully.

Like how winged and levitating aliens prefer jobs that involve them leaving the ship where they can move freely through open space with the right gear.

The first time you see one of the Aslai, they're walking with heavy boot steps to the mess hall. You both freeze in the hall though.

For you? It's got a human-ish face and you're experiencing one hell of a level of the uncanny valley effect in real time.

For Hesh, you look like a softer, mini version of the Aslai. Their tail flicks in excitement and with heavy steps they draw closer. A brighter fur pattern than their fellow Aslai, they're noticeable by anyone. They croon in a low gruff tone, reaching out and prodding at your arms, legs, cheeks, happily babbling in some method of communication you can't exactly understand.

It's when the other three Aslai suddenly appear with different fur patterns and facial structures, mimicking the first one that you seem to realize they're 'cooing' over you. Like if you saw a stray cat on the way home...

You're about to say anything when one of the botanist -a Threxacord by the looks of its mandibles- speaks sharply, "Don't you have somewhere to be, human??"

Technically it's right... You're not at your post, but you were told by your immediate boss you could go on lunch. You don't have a chance to explain that though, not when the second largest Aslai lifts you up and sets you on its shoulders.

"Don't talk to our human that way." The rough, crackley voice is a shock to anyone who hears it, but the pack of Aslai seem comfortable. You can only hand onto the horns atop it's head to keep in place as a different one continues, each on the same thought process.

"Drunum, shouldn't you be tending to your artificial soils?" It's more of a throaty growl than words, but the irritation is clear.

It's only when Drunum hisses as it retreat when the Aslai you're semi-surrounded by relax, looking over at you with bright, fanged grins. They seem to each be muttering variations of the same phrases.

"Oooh, little Aslai! Honorary Aslai!"

"Are you a meat eater too? I bet you're a meat eater-"

"You're warm blooded, that's great! So am I!"

"Look, you've got five fingers too! No claws, but that's okay!"

The pack easily brings you to the mess hall, deciding then and there you're one of them. Just a tiny version. Practically cousin species!

I was going somewhere with this

[sh1gglypuff]

Kenma Headcanons!!

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Kenma is an only child, and when you get close to him it really shows. He has trouble sharing things with other people, hogs controllers, and is prone to argue.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Kenma is a sweet boy at heart. Although, when he gets overstimulated he gets…grumpy. He’s angry when he’s tired. That’s less of a headcanon and more canon but!

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Kenma says things very bluntly. If you ask him for his opinion on something that boy does not sugarcoat anything.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ He posts rage bait on twitter (X). When the Drake and Kendrick thing was at its peak he saw his chance and posted “Team Drake” or something just to spend a solid 30 minutes laughing at the replies until he got bored.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Kenma is a very picky eater. We already know how small his appetite is but he’s picky with it too. Growing up he definitely would get away with only eating his favorite foods. Now that he’s grown he’s still afraid to try pickles. He asks Kuroo to order for him at restaurants too. “Yeah and he’ll get the cheeseburger. Could you do that with just the meat and cheese? Thank you.”

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ He absolutely hates PDA. If he had a partner he would definitely stay close to them, have his hand by theirs and sit next to them. His partner would be his safety net basically. He doesn’t like to be hugged in public, but he could tolerate it. If his partner tried to KISS HIM you best believe he is steering away from that kiss QUICKLY. that’s a boundary he set early on in the relationship though. Something about showing his intimate side to people he doesn’t know makes him feel weak.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Kenma has very odd sleeping habits. He goes to bed early and wakes up very early. When I say early I mean passed out by 10 and awake before the sun rises. When he goes to bed late he wakes up late, and waking up late makes him feel just gross. He usually games as soon as he gets up, before he does anything else. Wrapped up in his blanket with his legs crossed on the bed he is absolutely enthralled with his 7th play through of Breath of the Wild.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Kenma has a fear of smelling bad. He hates cologne though, and whenever he wears some it makes his skin feel uncomfortable. He just does not want to be perceived as dirty.

/ᐠ - ˕ -マ If he was dating someone, he would be extremely clingy. This clinginess would all be 100% behind closed doors. He sends texts like “can i come over” “busy?” “hi” very cute I know. He is a horrible texter which is why he loves to lay on calls and go over to his s/o’s house. He likes to call the person he’s dating and just chat while he’s playing whatever game he’s playing. He likes to ramble on about game lore and the cool mechanics of the game. Let him talk, he’s a talker once he feels safe.

i’ll be so fr i could probably cook up so many more of these, my brainrot is fatal.

reply if you would like to see more or send in a request for a specific set of scenario based hcs!!

[yanderecrazysie]

A Dragon's Hoard Part 2 (Yandere Malleus)

Title: A Dragon’s Hoard (Part 2)

Pairings: Yandere! Malleus Draconia x Female! Reader

AU: My Fantasy AU

WARNINGS: yandere themes, dead bodies

Part 1: here

You woke unsure of how long you had been asleep. There was no sunlight in your eyes, like there always was back in the fae kingdom. Deep inside a cave, you couldn’t tell if it was still night or a new day.

Deciding to check for yourself, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood up. You still wore what you were wearing the night before- a fairly long, strapless dress made of palm leaves and woven flats. 

In any other cave, you would probably be shivering, your bare arms and ankles exposed to the air. However, the green crystals jutting out of the stone walls seemed to cast not only light but warmth as well.

At first, when you padded out of the alcove and into the main cave, you couldn’t see Malleus. His throne was empty and the piles of gold and gemstones remained untouched. Then, you spotted him, walking towards you with silent footsteps around the corner. 

“Did you sleep well?” the dragon asked you, coming to a stop a few feet away from you.

You nodded, ‘Yes. Um… what time is it?”

“The sun is high in the sky,” Malleus said with an amused smile, “You slept long. I wouldn’t expect anything else, after such a long journey.”

You nodded again, unsure of what to say.

Malleus lifted a black-gloved hand and motioned for you to follow him, “Come. I have prepared a meal for you.”

Knowing dragons were meat eaters, you were apprehensive to see what kind of meal he had prepared for you. Fae were all vegetarians, after all. He led you deeper into the cave and turned into a dark alcove.

In this “room” was a long table with chairs pulled close. There were no crystals on the wall, but there was a crystal standing straight up straight and tall as the tables centerpiece, casting a candlelight-like glow on the room.

At the foot of the table was a gold plate, a gold goblet with rubies encrusted in its carved pattern, and silver silverware. Upon the plate was a variety of fresh fruits and nuts, cozily placed in the crook of a lopsided loaf of bread. 

You could smell the fruit and warm bread from where you were standing and your mouth began to water. You hadn’t realized how hungry you were before seeing this delicious meal set out for you.

“I trust this will suffice?” Malleus asked. When you eagerly nodded, he continued, “I am unfamiliar with the needs of fae, so I will need you to correct me when necessary. However, I have studied all of the species in Wonderland, and know the basics of how to care for you.”

The statement seemed a little foreboding, but you were very thankful for the meal. “It’s perfect, thank you,” you said.

You pulled the chair from the table. There were carvings on the back of it, shapes of dragons in the clouds sticking out to you with great detail. The cushion was velvet-covered and cushy. Taking a seat, you tucked into your meal, biting into a juicy strawberry that spurted juices into your mouth and against your lips, turning them red.

Malleus watched you eat with an unwavering gaze, studying you in fascination as you chowed down on the meal as though it would be your last. Your teeth tore chunks of bread a little too large to be polite. Your wings fluttered in discomfort under Malleus’s stare, but you couldn’t care enough to slow down.

You finished with the nuts, cracking open their shells with the silver knife. As soon as you’d finished, Malleus began to speak, “Tell me, little fae, what brought you to break King Riddle’s rules? Not many fae are able to stand up to the king.”

You hesitated to answer, but finally settled on a safe response, “I didn’t agree with his asinine rules. The Great Ones may have all come up with rules for their descendants, but none set as many as the Queen of Hearts… They’re suffocating. All I wanted was a little freedom.”

Malleus tilted his head, “Freedom,” he echoed, “A noble choice, yet dangerous for a fae.”

You lowered your eyes, feeling the sting of tears in them. It was hard to believe you could never return to your little cottage in the confines of King Riddle’s castle. 

“That’s why I came here,” you said softly, “I thought I could find freedom on my own.”

Malleus chuckled softly, “Freedom is so delicate… oftentimes it is just an illusion.” You felt a little uncomfortable, especially as he continued, “Fear not, you are free from the fae court here. I protect what is mine.”

You met his emerald gaze, “What if I want to leave one day?”

Malleus’s expression froze and tightened. His features grew hard as he said in a deep and rumbling voice, “We shall cross that bridge when it comes to it, little fae.” Then, a smile graced his lips, “I believe that you will find there is no reason to leave soon enough.

The mark on the back of your hand pulsed faintly, as if agreeing with his words. You clenched that hand into a fist and looked down at the dragon carved into your skin.

“I have something to show you,” Malleus said, “A part of my hoard I believe you will find interesting.”

You pushed your chair out and stood up. Malleus was quick to push the chair back in its place and motioned, once again, for you to follow him. He led you even deeper into the cave, passing several alcoves on the way. This passage opened into a small cavern, the sheer amount of green, pulsing crystals causing a warmth that was almost uncomfortable.

As soon as you saw its contents, you screamed.

Skeletons piled high, along with rotting corpses. Whether there was nothing left on the bone, or just a scalp of dead hair or melting faces, they all still had clothing adorning their figures that told stories of what they once had been. 

One skeleton’s bottom half looked like fish bones and another had a spine that curled way too long, coiled over itself like a snake’s tail. Some wore black gothic dresses, reminiscent of vampires, while others wore leather like were-creatures. There were even one or two wearing dragon scales, like Malleus’s black-scaled cloak. None wore fae clothing.

“What is this place?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper.

Malleus smiled and, in the bright glow of the green crystals, his face was lit up in a terrifying way, “This is the most precious part of my hoard. Treasures I’ve gathered over centuries.”

You were going to throw up. You clapped a hand over your mouth and began backing out of the cave, fear pulsing in your chest.

Malleus chuckled, “But these are mere trinkets compared to the treasure I’ve just added to my collection.”

His eyes looked at you with meaning and you let out a squeak of horror. You turned and ran, your wings fluttering madly, too stressed to actually take you off the ground. 

The cave twisted and turned. You could not sense the entrance anywhere, but still, you ran, terror speeding up your legs and filling your muscles with adrenaline. Tears spilled down your cheeks and strange little hiccups left your mouth.

Was he following you? You glanced back and could not see him. While looking back, you rammed your shoulder into a sharp turn and let out a squeal of pain. Stumbling slightly and holding your throbbing shoulder, you desperately looked for the exit.

Finally, as you rounded a corner, you realized you could see a light that wasn’t green. You sprinted out onto the ledge and crouched down. Your wings steadied and you took flight with a leap into the air. 

Suddenly, as if an invisible rope had wrapped itself around your hand, you cried out as a tightening feeling squashed your hand, the dragon on the back of your hand glowing with a green fire.

You were forcibly tugged backward so roughly that your wings folded in front of you and you plunged backwards back into the cave, hitting the stone wall so hard that you heard a crunch as one of your wings was caught between your back and the cave.

You slid down the wall and laid on the ground, panting from effort and terror. Your spine ached, your left wing was slightly bent, and the back of your head throbbed from where it hit the wall.

Malleus walked around the corner and into the sunlight, the scales on his cloak shimmering in the light. He walked over to your crumpled form and crouched down, petting your braided hair with a soft sigh.

“Do not fear,” he murmured, his voice soothing, “I will keep you safe. If you do not leave, you will never know hunger, pain, or loneliness ever again.”

You let out a sob and Malleus’s smile grew a little. “Why?” you asked him brokenly.

“You are the most precious addition to my hoard. More precious than gold or jewels…

…How could I ever let you go?”

[kcrossvine-art]

hi friends! This recipe/review was delayed at first from- well it was a different recipe originally, technically bat tempura should be the next item but id like my first tasting experience of bat to be made by someone else who knows what bat should taste like. The recipe after bat tempura is living armor and id intended to use geoduck to mimic the scale. Living armor is interesting with dunmeshi as they used the suit of armor in 3 different ways; grilling, steaming, and souping.

Affording geoduck, a PNW delicacy, is a stretch for one dish, let alone 3. With my write-ups id like to offer a chance that readers will actually be able to make what we talk about. So I opted to use regular clams instead. I feel myself above the fire so we're still sticking with one dish, the dish that doesnt require a grill or a helmet-esque plating arrangement.

Today in our delicious dungeon, we're going to be making Living Armor Soup!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes into Living Armor Soup?” YOU MIGHT ASKThe ingredients used in the show didnt give much to work on, quoting "medicinal herb" and "special sauce".

1 lbs Mussels

Shallots

Garlic

Bay leaf

Curry powder

Chicken stock

Cream

Eggs

Its important to use cream as your dairy, the higher fat content gives you leeway with boiling and acidity to avoid curdling. Any cream should do. Still bring it to temp gently but rest assured in the moo moos protection. 

AND, “what does Living Armor Soup taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

A smoother, buttery-er cream of chicken soup

The mussel meat itself feels like a simplified version of chicken hearts- structurally and in taste

Its not bad. You could hard sell it to a picky eater 

Green onions would bring crispier top-notes much needed

And maybe building a roux base for the soup would fill out the low end?

I dont know what drinks would pair well with this. My heart wants to say red wine but im not a grape fan and cant get more specific than that

I think the hassle of procuring seafood is why when i ask my friends their opinions, the responses are middling to negative. You cant build a palate for it if you dont eat it enough. If i'd had fish stock i wouldve used that rather than chicken, while it doesnt turn the soup disgusting or make itself known much at all, awareness of its presence draws unfavorable comparisons to food I'd rather be eating. And eating for cheaper too (...besides the chicken hearts).

. Some mussels out of a bunch will inevitably be DOA, you wont be eating exactly a pound of them. This and waterweight are the nature of seafood. . Lay easy on the salt until the end before serving . If you have enough mussel stock left after straining, you might not need additional stock

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From deciding to cook to sitting and eating, the process took about an hour and a half. Not bad but not great, considering this dinner left me feeling full for all of about an hour after.

And the mussels were mostly usable/alive too! I discarded maybe 3 of the whole pound! Sure seafood can be light eating- youd think the dairy and vegetables would hulk it up more. The science of what makes food filling isnt entirely understood, as is most nutrition and gastro science, so i dont know what to blame. Stunning that 1lbs of mussels was not enough to keep a 110lbs person full for an hour.

If i were to make this again, i would serve it with fresh dinner rolls (or another carb). Breads and seafood are joined at the hip in my mind. You want more delicate tastes from your fish? I got just the thing. An entire family of food with varying flavors and textures that just so happen to all work pretty well with the third thing people eat often with seafood; butter.

I give this recipe a solid 4/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) It needs workshopping beyond being recognizable to the show.

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 lbs mussels, cleaned and de-bearded

Butter

3 shallots, finely diced

3 garlic cloves, crushed

2 bay leaf

Curry powder to taste

120g chicken stock

100g heavy cream

2 eggs

Method:

Wash your mussels. Remove any beards and barnacles. Discard any mussels with open shells.

Finely dice your shallots and garlic.

In a saucepan, brown your shallots and garlic in some butter over medium-low heat. Once softened add your stock, bay leaves, and curry powder to the saucepan. Increase the heat to medium.

Add your cleaned mussles to the saucepan, the liquid should cover them but if not add more stock. Bring to a boil, and then cover and reduce to a simmer.

Keep simmering until most/all of the mussel shells open. Discard any that still havent after about 6 minutes of simmering. Set aside the remaining mussels.

Pass the liquid in your saucepan through a strainer and return the liquid into the saucepan.

In a seperate bowl, combine the eggs and cream together. Carefully stir the egg/cream mixture into the saucepan until incorporated.

Remove the meat from the mussels, either discard or save some shells for garnishing.

Place the mussel meat on the bottom of serving bowls and pour the hot broth overtop, add your garnish (if any) and enjoy!

[gamblersdoll]

sukuna would not care about weight or if you are plump. the man has a mouth for a stomach.

the man’s hobby is to eat so you name him big back in your phone, ie he will literally have a full stack of ribs (hes a meat eater) and a plate of like 3 chicken breasts (he always cracks a snotty comment about how fat your breasts are and he will only eat chicken breasts because he cannot eat yours. he also loves how you cook them because he hasnt had seasoned food in a couple of years.) and will have a huge ass turkey leg. the ones that are like twenty dollars at the fair (when he found this out, he was appalled but had high hopes for it.) and he will still somehow be hungry in a couples hours.

and he never lets it go unnoticed that he doesn’t somewhat appreciate your cooking. whenever hes done and full for the moment he always ask “do you want me to like.. lay with you or something?” its not really a question, he always gets the itis when hes full and he gets clingy when it comes down to laying with you. or he will go out and probably find something to make you. its always some ancient recipe though.

“you never had whale meat before?” he asked, dumbfounded and mad confused.

“…. no, because who the fuck eats whale meat.” it wasnt a question, more of a statement but sukuna quite does not care. he still makes it for you though, although hes very heavy with salt, and whale meat is somewhat salty.

“you sayin i cant cook?”

“no, im saying you mad heavy with salt. and this better not be a certain species of whale either.” he grinned evilly, and you roll your eyes.

“if you dont like it just eat the soba, damn woman.” snatching the plate of whale meat. now you have a freezer of whale meat and you have to find recipes with it too.

“sobas good though..” you said, mouth full of food.

although sukuna doesnt know every food in the planet, he watches what you do, and he’s somewhat debating if youre better than uruame or on par.

[mytaiyakeylover]

—𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

—ft: seishiro nagi x gn!reader, sae itoshi x gn!reader

—warnings: none, just some cursing on sae’s part.

𝚜𝚎𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚘 𝚗𝚊𝚐𝚒

seishiro is so lazy. the only time he ever decides to eat is whenever you agree to spoon-feed him. this boy is such a big baby, like, omg! he can't literally do anything without needing you to be there 25/8. and even then, he's not going to do much unless you put in just as much effort (if not more). don’t be mad! he just really enjoys being with you, and your presence is truly the only thing that can make this baby boy at least somewhat interested in whatever it is that you are doing. even in life-threatening situations like starvation.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Reo furrowed his eyebrows as he watched the white haired boy still very much occupied with the game in his hands. Seishiro hadn’t even glanced at his plate, let alone touched it.

“Come on, Nagi!” The boy exclaimed, his purple-colored eyes glaring at Nagi with a slight hint of annoyance. "We have practice today. You have to eat at least something," he added, feeling his left eyebrow twitch at the other’s response.

“But it’s such a hassle,” he mumbled, grayish eyes sparing one single glance at the food on his plate before going back to his game. The slightly shorter boy huffed at that. Sometimes he just couldn’t help but feel like he’s so done with this guy. Seishiro wasn’t exactly making things easier for him either, but he guessed it was a part of his charm.

Sighing dramatically, the boy with purple hair suddenly lifted himself from his seat and leaned slightly forward over the table. He took the other boy's knife and fork before cutting a piece of meat. However, it wasn't until a few seconds had passed that Seishiro finally acknowledged the food presented before him.

“Let me feed you, if you're going to continue being such a baby,” a pregnant pause soon followed as Reo muttered those words. Yet, instead of receiving the response that he’d been hoping for, it was one that almost made him scream at the top of his lungs.

“I want (Y/n)-chan to feed me.”

“Well, (Y/n)-chan is not here!”

𝚜𝚊𝚎 𝚒𝚝𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒

this arrogant boy can’t physically stomach any food that has not been cooked by you and you alone. i swear! this has never been an issue before, until sae met you. now, he can't even distinguish between luxurious dishes and the ones that we ordinary humans eat. in his opinion, they all fall into the category of “peasant foods” and he will fr glare eye daggers at anyone who even dares to say otherwise.

“What the fuck is this?”

Ryusei stifled a laugh as he heard the boy from his right. His pink eyes observed the midfielder in amusement as the other boy stared at the food presented before him with nothing but pure disdain. The blonde and pink haired boy didn’t want to admit it, but a part of him was quite surprised as he thought those rumors about Sae being an abnormally picky eater were absolute bullshit.

Now it seemed they were not, because never had he ever seen the boy look at something with that much disgust. Not even at Ryusei himself.

“Something wrong?” The horny demon had the audacity to smirk as he feigned obliviousness. Sae narrowed his eyes dangerously at the other boy, right eyebrow twitching in annoyance. Sighing at Ryusei’s dumb antics, the reddish-brown haired boy pinched the bridge of his nose before sending the aforementioned an unimpressed look.

“I said: What the fuck is this?”

A sudden gasp escaped the tanned boy’s lips as he sent the other a look of bewilderment. “How can you not recognize the cooking of your oh so beloved s/o?”

“You’re telling me that (Y/n) was the one who made this disgusting, repulsive, nauseating, stomach-churning thing called food?”

There was a moment of silence, tension growing thicker by each passing second. The stare down between pink and teal so intense that random passers-by were too afraid to get caught in the crossfire to as much as walk past them.

However, as soon as the tension appeared, it quickly dissipated. Ryusei's expression exuded nothing but sheer brattiness, and Sae felt a strong headache coming on, anticipating where this was headed.

“Y’know, what you said just now really hurt my ego.”

[callooopie]

The night, she calls me.. // Vampire!HOTD men

Come with me to the other side. Make the girl in black your bride — The Night // Aurelio Voltaire

It took all my willpower to not make this like a What We Do in the Shadows bit. No one asked for this either.. so that’s why I’m writing it. Is this gonna be a series of headcannons? No… no. No no… no no nono. I’ve started tooooo many writing projects I cannot… or can I 😏 (I actually can’t I have too many requests I need to lock in on)

Did you know what land you were walking on? Did you see the figure watching you from the top floor window? Was that a shadow you saw out the corner of your eye?

Davos Blackwood // Bloody Lord of Raventree Hall

A manor buried in the dark forests of Blackwood Vale, an urban legend surrounded the woods and the semi-ghost town beside it. Locals would talk of a figure that walked the empty streets at night, and the older residents would sometimes speak of an old estate once owned by a wealthy family that could be found in the heart of the forest. But no one has seen this place, or perhaps no one has ever returned alive to tell the tale.

The ever playful lord of Raventree Hall likes toying with his victims before they meet their bloody demise. If a fool ever gets lost on his land, Davos will follow them around in the form of a raven, acting as if he was leading them to the help they desperately called out for. Some would fall for it; the ‘guiding’ corvid that had brought them to this dusty manor. Little did they know, they wouldn’t be leaving that place.

He’s the type to make Raventree Hall look appealing and safe to the unwitting person, sometimes even playing the part of a humble boy who lives in his family’s old home. He’d learn all about a person as he feeds them food, bloody meat cooked to perfection for any human. Eat up, Davos would say, it’s a good cut of meat.. he’d hate for it to go to waste. Oh? The red wine tastes metallic? Strange.. perhaps a bottle gone bad?

He’d keep his lover human, not out of admiration of their humanity—but as more of a ‘pet’. The only reason Davos would turn a human into a vampire would be for his own entertainment purposes. It’s more fun when you can handle him and not pass out every time he does something. Plus, he wants the security of knowing you won’t be leaving him anytime soon. Forever stuck by his side, living forever in a world of night and pleasure by his doing and his doing alone.

Before you become his lovely lady, perhaps you’re one of those lost souls who stumble upon the estate. Either by poor luck or poorer fortunes, you catch the attention of Davos. He scares you from the shadows, setting candles alight with just a gust of wind, slamming doors and sending phantasms to spook you with howls and haunting steps, sending ravens and crows to caw and peck at you. It’s only when you get to the main atrium of the manor does he strike. A sinister smile on his pale face as he lunges at you from out of nowhere, teeth sinking into the skin of your neck as hands travel up and down your torso.

A master of shadows and tricks, Davos isn’t one to meet his adversaries head on. He doesn’t think they deserve his attention. He can deal with vampire hunters and celebrity ghost hunters with a wave of his hand from his bed chambers at the very top of the manor. He can make it as if ghouls are chasing around those idiots, birds seemingly attacking them on sight, if he’s feeling funny he might summon a demon or two. Why does he have the title of bloody lord? Well, he’s just a messy eater, and the corpses he leaves behind are unrecognizable from what they once were.

Jacaerys Velaryon // Draconic Prince of the Night

The picturesque village that the castle of Dragonstone sits next to has gained a plethora of tourists. However, no one has ever been allowed inside. From a mixture of local superstition, and simply because the wooden gates and doors will not open. Nothing can break, or even burn, the wood. Cursed or blessed, many have stayed away from that castle said to have been forged by dragon fire.. if local legends are to be believed.

Local legends also speak of how beautiful women are kidnapped from their homes and beds, never to be seen ever again. As a tourist, you believe you’re safe.. and you don’t really believe in those tales.. at least you don’t believe them until you awaken in a bed that’s not the hostel’s.

Jacaerys is a vampire who is easily bored. He wants someone who’ll keep up with him. A pretty princess to take care of and to simply sit like a doll, but also one who has a bit of wit and brain to them. Someone to go hunting with, or to fly around in the dead of night together. Someone to chase, someone to have intellectual conversation with.

A little more serious than a certain bloodthirsty lord, Jacaerys will turn his lover almost immediately. What’s the use in keeping you human and mortal? There is no use! Now you’re just like him, and you two can bond and be merry together in that lonesome stone castle. All the others he had spirited away were awfully dull, perhaps you will be different?

Like a dragon, he hoards his treasures. He’ll keep you close, too close almost. Jacaerys will hand feed you blood, lifting someone’s arm up to your mouth and praising you for dining on the thick liquid and flesh. He’ll hover near you, you two are royalty after all. It’s good for a prince like him to check up on his princess. He’ll dress you in gold and red fabrics, or maybe nothing at all! Jacaerys does like it when you’re only clad in gold and gems, sit yourself down on his mountains of treasure and make your nest; he’ll show he’s a good dragon who takes care of his mate.

A scholar of dragon magic, the only thing that can destroy his castle is what made it in the first place. Dragon fire. And dragons died out long long ago sweet thing (or never existed at all…). He’s perhaps the only one that remains! Believe whatever you will, Jacaerys will happily prove to you that dragons are real. And you believe it as you watch him transform into one to deal with trespassers who had somehow broken into the castle. Sure there’s ways in if your crafty enough, but what people don’t say is that there’s no way out once you’re in. The charred piles of bones that litter the treasure room are a testament to that.

Cregan Stark // Vampiric King in the North

Perhaps the only one out of the trio to be semi-normal. An urban legend surrounds the snowy mountains of a large wolf that leads lost wanderers to an empty yet warm and alive stone keep. It’s said if you stay for one night and leave the next day, you’ll find your way back to civilization. However, overstay your welcome and you won’t be heard from ever again…

Your car had broke down, and you hadn’t expected such a large snowstorm to sweep through. You’re on the brink of hypothermia, however you spot something in the distance. The howl of a wolf reaching your ears as the wild beast walks toward you. It almost seems to gesture toward you with its head, beckoning for you to follow. You’ve heard this legend, and so when you find yourself in the safety and warmth of a stone fortress you do your best to remain courteous and respectful. The plan was to leave in the morning, however when you try to open the large wooden door to leave—it slams shut on you before locking tightly.

Cregan likes your humanity, wishing only to learn from you. He would not covet you like a prize, nor would he treat you like a pet. To turn you without your consent? Unfathomable. If you wish to be turned, he would gladly do so at your request. Although he would tell you what you’ll miss, what you will be letting go of in exchange for this eternal life of coldness and blood. Perhaps it’ll all be worth it in the face of his love and companionship?

Teach him everything about you, and he’ll teach you all he knows. Cregan’s an old soul who’s lived more lifetimes than he can remember. He’s powerful, ancient; that uppity prince and cocky lord answer to him! He’s their overlord, they are his mere sons subordinates. All that aside, Cregan has vast collections of knowledge from throughout the ages. Although do remember, he scratches your back, and you will scratch his. Or he’ll show you what happens to those who’ve forgotten such an important lesson.

Unlike his underlings, Cregan can control his appetite for blood. He’s learned, and so he keeps a stockpile of it. Some of it ages like wine in a cellar, other bottles he keeps near and close. A special cabinet is reserved for special blood of course. What? You’ve never tried the blood of a priest? It’s heavenly.

Unlike the other two, Cregan lives more on red meats. Which he can get from almost anything. Although due to the coldness of the region, not many animals venture out. For a special occasion, you’ll find your plate full of fresh organs and fatty raw meat. A glass of thick red liquid right next to your plate. Cheers and eat your fill, it’s fresher than fresh. And who knows when an unsuspecting person will come up these mountains again?

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

It happens by chance, and while Harry wishes it hadn’t, this will at least clear up any lingering uncertainty for him.

There’s a skirmish between Harry and some friends from the Order and Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and a couple stray curses happen to catch him – one slices shallowly into his upper arm, the other sends him rolling across the ground. The upshot of this is that the left shoulder of Harry’s shirt is now in ribbons and hanging down around his waist, leaving his chest – and soul mark – bare to the world. Including Voldemort.

Who looks like he’s having one doozy of an emotion.

And that basically confirms the dark wizard hadn’t known, but right now Harry’s bleeding sluggishly and wants to go home and have a drink and pass out for at least a few hours, so Voldemort can rage on his own time. Everyone else from his side has already buggered off, so he’s not abandoning anyone if he does the same.

Unfortunately, the blood loss – while not severe – is enough to slow his reaction time, which leads to him apparating himself and the Dark Lord latched onto him to his flat. Not ideal.

There are a tense few moments of staring at the snake man, waiting to see if he’ll attack or start destroying Harry’s home, but when he doesn’t take advantage – when he just stares and frowns and stares some more – Harry decides he’s too tired for this shit.

“You are just impossible to ward out, aren’t you?” he sighs. The curse of being so physically and magically intertwined with the other man. (Well. And at the soul level, too, but he tries not to think of that.)

Voldemort yanks him by his uninjured arm towards the kitchen light that comes on automatically and stares at Harry’s chest, and the elegantly written Tom Marvolo Riddle thereupon.

Harry scowls when the staring drags on. “Oi, could you quit perving on me and piss off already?”

“You were never going to tell me?” Voldemort demands, ignoring Harry’s half-arsed attempt at distraction.

“Of course not,” he scoffs. “Why the Hel would I? Either you already knew and it didn’t matter to you, or you didn’t – and I wasn’t about to risk baring my soul to someone who has a history of wanting me dead.” He shrugs. “I’m reckless, not suicidal.”

Voldemort opens his mouth with an angrily indignant look, and Harry looks to the ceiling for patience before pulling out of the other man’s grip and opening his emergency bottle of firewhiskey, hidden in the pantry, because this conversation needs alcohol. He pours two glasses (his to the brim) because he tries to be a good host, even to the bane of his existence. And if Voldemort doesn’t want it, well, it’ll save Harry getting the bottle out again.

All throughout this, Voldemort is ranting at him. Harry tunes most of it out – he’s had to hear enough of the man’s monologues to know he doesn’t need to listen to the preamble; the meat of his diatribe won’t come until a couple minutes in, at least.

After he casts a quick episkey on the cut on his arm, Harry leans against the counter, watching Voldemort pace around his modest kitchen. He takes a long, slow drink, welcoming the fire flowing down his throat and warming his belly. And either the other man is taking even longer than usual to get to the point or Harry’s more exhausted and irritable than he’d thought, because he’s suddenly completely out of patience with this situation.

He cuts in boredly, “It’s not like it changes anything. It doesn’t matter.”

Voldemort is immediately before him, looming and enraged. “It matters to me!”

“Why?”

“I’ve waited decades for you,” he says vehemently, leaning closer in an attempt to physically intimidate or pin Harry in place.

Harry barks a harsh laugh. “You waited for a fantasy. You’ve spent my whole life killing and hurting the people most important to me. Some silly mark doesn’t change that – it doesn’t make it better, it won’t make me love you.” He takes a sip and rasps through the burn. “It won’t change who you are.”

“I never received a mark–”

“And that’s unfortunate. Clearly it affected you. But plenty of people don’t get soul marks and they don’t commit mass murder and incite civil wars.” He gives Voldemort a dismissive look, standing up straight and slipping out from between the dark wizard and the counter. He can almost hear the other man grinding his teeth. 

“You have no idea what it’s like, not having a mark,” Voldemort hisses caustically, face contorted in a furious snarl. “The contempt, the ridicule I had to endure. I was denied one of Magic's basic gifts and they took it as proof they were better than me, those worthless fools.”

It’s difficult to know how he would’ve reacted to not having a mark. His burden has been to have the mark of the worst possible person, and he thinks he’s handled it far better than anyone could’ve expected of him. Having no mark would’ve confirmed that he’s meant to be alone, that there’s no one out there meant just for him, but having Voldemort’s mark as Harry Potter essentially means the same thing.

“Maybe you mutilated your soul too much to deserve a mark,” Harry says in a fit of cruelty. Behind the wrath crackling in the other man’s eyes, he can see the misery bloom. As good as it feels to score a hit against Voldemort, he regrets it even more. And isn’t that the exact reason why this damn war has dragged on for so long?

(Harry pushes that thought away wearily.)

“You had choices, Voldemort, and you made yours,” he says quietly but firmly. “I’m making mine, and it’s that I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“This is not a unilateral decision,” Voldemort says, the frustration in his tone edging close to desperation. “Do my wants mean nothing?”

"Your wants." Harry slams his almost empty glass down on the table; his voice comes out dangerously even. “Alright then. Can you bring my parents back to life? No? How about Cedric, or Sirius, or any of the dozens of others whose lives you’ve cut short?”

Voldemort’s mouth is pinched shut, a thunderous frown on his face.

“Hel, let’s start small. Stop this war, swear to never harm another person and get your followers to do the same. You want me to care about what you want? Start by addressing all of that.”

“You ask this of me and promise nothing in return?” Voldemort says bitterly.

“That’s the bare minimum it would take for me to see you as anything more than a murderous, blood-supremacist monster. And I honestly don’t think you can do it, but feel free to prove me wrong.”

That puts an unsettling gleam in the other man’s eyes. Harry thinks back on what he might’ve said to cause that reaction and feels his stomach drop. Oh bother. He’d challenged Voldemort. Harry knows exactly how he'd react to someone saying that; apparently Voldemort is equally competitive (and motivated by spite – he should’ve guessed that).

“...If I am able to–”

“You won’t–”

“When I fulfill your requirements,” Voldemort arrogantly says, face intense. “You and I will explore our connection, and you will meet with me frequently to do so.”

And now Harry is in a quandary. If Voldemort does what he’s been asked, Harry will have achieved what he’s been fighting for all six years of his adult life; if Voldemort doesn’t, Harry’s no worse off than he was before. And he knows the dark wizard won’t give up his cause simply because his soulmate asked, but if Voldemort does…

“You do realise that your soulmate is me, yeah?” Harry clarifies, unnerved by the shift in the other man's demeanour. “You don’t like me. At all.”

“Nonsense,” Voldemort says, waving off Harry’s really very logical point. “We simply haven’t had a chance to become properly acquainted.”

“...Because you’re always trying to kill me.”

“Details, details.” 

Harry would very much like to strangle the megalomaniac who is still in his apartment. “...Uh-huh. Sure, you become a completely different person and we’ll talk.”

He sometimes forgets that magic occasionally disregards sarcasm. This appears to be one of those times, as the heaviness in the air snaps tight around them, signifying Harry’s flippant “sure” just turned this discussion into a magically binding agreement. Merlin’s pierced nipples. So much for intent over phrasing.

Catching sight of Voldemort’s smug smirk, Harry suddenly feels genuinely homicidal for the first time in his life. Sensing his non-existent welcome is well and truly worn out, Voldemort says, “I look forward to it,” and apparates away. Harry pitches a cushion through the space the dark wizard just occupied. It helps settle his irritation a little.

He drops onto his couch with a deep, bone-tired sigh and tosses back Voldemort’s untouched glass of firewhiskey. 

He wonders if he’ll feel disappointed or relieved when Voldemort realises he’d rather keep trying to subjugate Magical Britain than have Harry as his soulmate.

Three days later, the war ends.

[ventique18]

~ Crowley Vignette Pt. 2 ~

"Good grief. This morning was certainly a pickle."

"However, no matter what difficulties come knocking...

"Lunch time is certain to lift one's spirits up!"

He goes and gets today's special menu, which is meat pie. He goes to find a seat and sees that the staff members, Crewel, Trein, and Vargas are already seated together. He's delighted to see them and asks to sit next to them. They do a bit of chatter and Trein notices Crowley's meal. Is that a meat pie?

Crowley: "Indeed. I do so love meat."

"Not only beef, but pork, chicken, and I do so fancy eating even wild game meat."

Trein questions what he means by wild game, so Crowley clarifies that it's called Wildbret. Doesn't he know? Vargas chimes in because he recognizes Wildbret; the venison he ate one time was delicious and energizing. Crowley comments that Vargas has a refined palette.

"Aside from venison, there are many other types of Wildbret. Everyone, we must absolutely..."

"AH!!"

Everyone's SHOCKED so Crowley tells him not to just suddenly pop up out of nowhere like that LOL. Sam says everyone looks like they're having fun so he just had to join in. Crewel wonders what Sam's doing here, because normally he'd be tending to his shop at this time of day. Sam answers that he just had a delivery for the ghosts, then goes on with his sales pitch to sell wild game to Crowley.

Crowley praises how reliable Sam is, but adds that the truth is he doesn't like only meat, but vegetables, fruits and sweets as well. He doesn't like spicy foods though! Crewel comments that they already know Crowley's an omnivore though.

Crowley: "An omnivore... Can you not say it in a less barbaric way?!"

As a segue, Sam notices that everyone's ordered lunch was a reflection of their personalities. Vargas' is chock full of eggs for their protein. Crewel also likes pie and wanted the same lunch as Crowley's, but he thought the serving was too much. While it's good for growing boys like the students, for them adults it's not an optimal meal. Trein agrees and says he also changed his mind when he saw how big the pie was. If he ate something like that for lunch, he feels like he'd be sick for all of his afternoon classes.

Crowley: "Is that so? What a waste. And how delicious this is too~

Vargas notices that Crowley has a wonderful appetite so he can't lose too.

Trein: "He's gobbling up that pie overflowing with butter and juicy meat... What is he, a young man..."

Crewel: "You really haven't changed even from when I was still a student."

Trein: "Actually, I don't think he's changed even from when I started working at Night Raven College..."

Crewel: "Headmage... Just how old are you? I'm curious, but I'm not sure I want to know..."

Sam: "Hehe... He really is full of mysteries. What an interesting guy."

Crowley finishes his meal, and then thanks his past self for recruiting that five star restaurant chef from how long ago...

"That was... Hm. How many decades have passed since then?"

He had a long pause between "That was" and "Hm." I know it's a fae thing to not be aware of time, but the way he suddenly stops to realize time marches on far too quickly than he realizes reminds me of Malleus... And that emphasis that he's a BIG eater, just like Malleus. 🤔

[hootshooch]

BG3 Headcanons - Food/Meals

Wyll: he hunts and forage for the group up whenever they're low on camp supplies. he lived in the wild for 7 years, of course he knows how to do that!! and if Gale isn't cooking for some reason, he will volunteer to do it and it always shit like meat and potatoes wrapped in foil and roasted inside the fire. everyone loves it (born to be a ranger forced to be a warlock </3)

Shadowheart: she... can't really cook. if she NEEDED to she could make something decent to get by, but otherwise she can'f cook for shit. it's not that she doesn't WANT to, she's just never been in an enviornment where someone really taught her how to cook beyond the basics. she's also a little bit of a picky eater but never really says anything about it (minor spoilers: if she survives, her mom sends her a recipe for a cheese bake so I also HC that her mom starts teaching her how to cook a lot more and she ends up loving it).

Lae'zel: she eats almost as much as Karlach does. she's just one of those people who never seems to gain weight no matter how much she inhales because she has a wicked metabolism and is constantly excersing. she's not as loud about her appetite but she WILL keep on going back for seconds and thirds and will deflect if someone asks her about it and say "a warrior must always remained replenished and prepared for battle" or something to that effect. but my girl's just chronically hungry

Karlach: always forgets about her dirty dishes after meals. will never clean her own cups and bowls after eating unless someone reminds her. But she doesn't do it on purpose!! she genuinely just forgets (ADHD...) and feels really bad about it afterwards. it drives Gale nuts. she's a super messy eater, too. likes to suck the marrow straight out of the bones and crap. this also drives Gale nuts

Gale: when he cooks for the party he will always refuse help, no matter how much they insist—he claims it's from a sense of altruism but in reality he just can't stand other people being around him when he cooks. he has a very specific way that he likes do to things and it pisses him off when he feels like people are getting in the way of what he's doing. his food is always great, though

Astarion: though he can't really taste any food (aside from blood) but he CAN feel the "kick" in spicy foods because of the capcaisin. if he ever eats food that's even a little bit spicy all he'll notice is the heat (which is predictably unpleasant for him). the tadparty used to make fun of him for having a low spice tolerance until they learned that he's a spawn and realized that he can't handle spicy food because there's just nothing to balance it out for him. karlach still makes fun of him for it (but after that point he doesn't really eat food anyway because he doesn't feel the need to "blend in" anymore)