#I saw your reply this morning and I went through this whole mental picture series again 😆

[ninjapancake314]

We all have those names in our notifications that make us smile, even if they aren’t mutuals. Like, oh! There’s my regular customer. I’m glad they’re still enjoying it here.

But…I have a confession. There’s one follower whose name I get wrong EVERY time. And like. I recognize you. I know your actual blog name. But whenever I see a notification from @braininatankwithalaptop , I think

Ah, it’s Briana again! :)

Oh wait, no. I read that too fast. It’s

(2 more seconds.) Oh WAIT. I bet they actually mean

Every. Single. Time. I’m so sorry 😅

But anyways! Always glad to see you. I hope you have a fantastic day and thanks for sticking around all this time, lol

[plaidbooks]

Nicknames and Slumps - “The Big Leagues” baseball AU

(moodboard by @witches-unruly-heart​)

A/N: Here’s chapter 2 of the Baseball AU! I know I mentioned some chapters going towards the Summer Bingo--and they will--but I wanted to establish Sonny in this universe a little bit, first. This chapter takes place in the off season, and the beginning to Sonny’s second season of pitching for the Mets. Like before, feel free to DM me any questions you have about baseball/the AU!

Also, shoutout to @thatesqcrush and her husband for answering my arbitrary Mets questions!

P.S. Aquafresh is a brand of toothpaste

Tags: yelling, otherwise none

Words: 1803

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart  @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @permanentlydizzy  @ben-c-group-therapy @infiniteoddball @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867  @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass  @redlipstickandblacktea  @reading--mermaid  @averyhotchner  @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @dreamlover31

Sonny’s first year in the majors was almost flawless. Outside of his perfect game in his sixth start, he was dominate; he kept his ERA hovering around the low 1.00’s, and he was still undefeated. He did, however, have a few no decisions, only two of which were his fault. But besides that, he was the star everyone talked about. He even won the Rookie of the Year award; something almost unheard of with pitchers. The Cy Young award shocked no one, and the Mets were frantically offering him more money, trying to keep him. As if he’d go anywhere else.

Even with his spectacular pitching, the Mets didn’t make it to the post-season. But as the Mets watched the World Series from their homes, all anyone could talk about was the kid, Sonny Carisi.

He had gained notoriety among sportscasters and journalists for his outstanding performance on the field. But the fans adored him for his off days, and for how he conducted himself off the field. Not only did Sonny donate most of his time in the off season—not to mention his money—to multiple volunteer organizations, but he also offered to do signings at small, struggling mom and pop shops for free. He’d bring in huge crowds, spending hours at these events, taking pictures, signing autographs, talking to kids and adults alike.

While in the ballpark, on days he pitched, he would do his workouts in the trainer’s room, coming out of the dugout just to throw in the bullpen. He was focused, working on his mechanics. But on days he didn’t pitch, he was one of the first out on the field. Sonny had a penchant for hanging out right next to the dugout, signing autographs and taking pictures. He never declined—unless the umpire was yelling at him to get off the field so they could start the game—and he had a blast. And when he was in the outfield, shagging balls during batting practice, he’d toss them up to the crowd, or give them to kids with a huge smile.

Sonny’s trademark smile earned him his first nickname: Aquafresh. He threw his head back and laughed when he first heard it, loving it. He wasn’t as fond of his other nicknames that sprung up afterwards: Stringbean and Earthworm Jim being his least favorites. But there was one that apparently was going around that he didn’t hear from the crowd.

*************************

It was early morning, and he was watching the postgame wrap from the night before while he ate breakfast. Normally, Sonny didn’t watch the pre- or postgame commentary. But since he started dating you, he made it a point to watch if you were on. He smiled as he saw you wearing his jersey, thinking you were too damn cute, and wanting to cuddle with you on the couch.

The conversation slowly shifted from the game that happened to Sonny, as it normally did…not because you forced them to talk about him. In fact, you did your job as normal; it was your cohosts that would change the subject to him. And now that they knew—the world knew—that you two were dating, he almost wondered if it was on purpose, to see if you slip up on some personal info about him, or you two together.

“Speaking of Carisi, have you heard the new nickname? I heard the Staten Island Little Leaguers came up with it,” one of the guys said.

Sonny watched your face light up. “I have! They call him Peanut Butter Cup, right?” you asked, though he knew you didn’t need to; you never said anything that you couldn’t back up.

“Peanut Butter Cup? Where did they get that from?” another of your colleagues wondered out loud.

You smiled, and Sonny felt a swell of pride at your knowledge. “From his last name. They went from Carisi to Risi, then to Reese, then Reese’s and bam! Peanut Butter Cup,” you explained.

Sonny laughed, flushing with embarrassment, his heart warm. Children called him Peanut Butter Cup. Not for the first time, he felt an intense longing; Sonny wanted children, wanted a family. He was only 22, but he had known most of his life that he wanted to be a father. He made a mental note to bring up the prospect of children with you. It was still early in your relationship; you’ve been dating about five months, but with your jobs, you rarely saw each other. Hell, you saw each other more at work than off the field. Your relationship was mostly over text or phone calls, but he still felt deeply about you. He wasn’t sure if it was love yet, but he was hoping to get to know you more in person in the off season.

Once he finished breakfast, Sonny sent you a text: I saw your show from last night.

You responded almost instantly, unsurprising to him; your whole livelihood was on your phone. And? Did I do well?

He smiled, heart fluttering; he liked that you valued his opinion. Fantastic. Just one thing.

What??

I hate peanut butter.

 ***********************

Sonny Carisi was named the Opening Day starter for the Mets, shocking absolutely no one. He had just turned 23 and was already the best pitcher for the club, maybe even in baseball at the moment. Or so he, and everyone who watched him, thought. But that first game, the Cubs lit him up. Sonny gave up more runs in that game than he had in any other start combined. His manager took him out in the 4th, something that’s never happened to him before. When Sonny pitched, he was normally a shoo-in for at least 7 innings.

Frustrated, Sonny sat hard on the bench, not letting anyone outside the pitching coach talk to him.

“It happens to everyone eventually, Carisi. Just gotta let this roll off your back, come back strong your next outing.”

But that next outing, he did worse. He didn’t know what was happening to him. His command was perfect, his stuff great. It’s like everyone he faced suddenly could see right through him, knew every pitch he was going to throw before he threw it. It was infuriating. His ERA ballooned up to the 5.00’s, and he wondered dimly if the Mets would trade him.

Sonny eventually started shutting everyone out. He even stopped watching the pre- and postgame shows, whether you were on it or not. He stopped reading the articles you wrote, and he stopped reaching out. He even stopped being the first out of the dugout, stopped signing things by the dugout. On his days off, he spent it hiding in the locker room until game time. He didn’t want to field the questions about what was wrong with him; he didn’t have an answer, for them or himself.

 ************************

“Sonny, please open the door,” you called, knocking on the front door to his loft. He’d been avoiding you, and you worried about him.

You heard the latch unlock and took a step back. Sonny opened the door, looking annoyed. “What do you want?”

“I want to make sure my boyfriend is okay. Can I come in, please?” you asked. You knew he was frustrated, and that this may be something you’d have to deal with while dating. And you planned to force yourself into his life, to help him as best you could, whether he wanted to shut you out or not.

Sonny scoffed, turning and walking into his home. But he left the door open, and you followed, closing it behind you. “Of course, I’m not okay! Haven’t you been watching?”

“You know I have been. So, you’re in a slump; it happens—”

“Not to me!” he yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

You took a breath, staying calm. “It was bound to happen, babe.” You tried to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged you off.

“So, what? You’re going to side with those other analysts? Calling me a fluke and writing shitty articles about me?”

You flinched at the accusatory tone in his voice. “Of course, not—”

“Why not? Everyone else is doing it; I’m sure your bosses would eat it up.”

You sighed, trying to shove down your own defensiveness. “Would you please just listen to me for a moment?” He shot you a glare but didn’t speak up. “You know I analyze pitching for a living, right?”

“So? I’ve tried to make my fastball faster, tried to make my curve drop more, but I can’t—”

“Sonny,” you said softly, making him stop his rant. “Instead of trying to blow pitches passed batters, you should be working more on your mechanics and command. If batters are making contact, then make that work for you. Force grounders or popups, trust your defense to back you up; they’re there for a reason.”

His eyes scanned yours as he took in your words. “Th-that’s a great idea, actually….”

“I’m glad you think so,” you replied, smiling.

Sonny returned your grin. “I—I’m sorry for snapping at you,” he sighed heavily. “I just…I don’t know what’s changed between last season and now—”

“You’re not new anymore; teams can break down your pitching style. You won a Cy Young and Rookie of the Year; they’re all so threatened by you that they all probably studied the hell out of you.”

He nodded, feeling a little better with your praise. “Y-yeah….”

You reached up, cupping his face, making him look at you. “There’s nothing wrong with you or your pitching. The batters just stepped up their game. So now, you have to answer back, okay?”

He lifted a hand, placing it on top of yours, and turned his face in your hold, pressing his lips to your palm. “Thank you, doll. And again, I’m sorry for yelling—”

“It’s fine, Sonny. I understand that you’re frustrated,” you said, smiling.

He squeezed your hand. “It’s not fine; you’re just trying to help. I should listen to you more; you’re so smart, and not to mention beautiful. I promise to never snap at you again.”

Your smile grew, and you lifted to your tiptoes, giving him a tender kiss. He leaned down, deepening the kiss. He wrapped his arms around your back, pulling you flush against him, and you hummed into his mouth. Slowly, he pulled back, leaning his forehead against yours, rubbing his nose with yours.

“Just so you know, I’ve never, and will never, write a shitty article about you, or call you a fluke, Stringbean,” you muttered against his lips.

Sonny let out a chuckle. “You know, you’re the only person who can call me that to my face, and not have me get annoyed.”

You giggled, pressing your lips to his once more. And sure enough, his next start had him looking back to normal, except instead of striking out double digits, he forced grounders for eight scoreless innings.

[itisannak]

Secrets I have held in my heart (Ashton Irwin Smut)

Summary: (Y/N) starts dating someone who is not Ashton. And Ashton seems to have an issue with that. (Smut / Unprotected Sex) (Request) (Words: 3.8k)

"Your phone has been buzzing lots tonight..." Ashton comments as he passes me the takeout Chinese box. I chuckle and lock my phone, shrugging my shoulders. "Uh, Crystal gave my phone to a friend of hers... He saw me at a party and asked her about me. We've been talking a bit this week." I state, grabbing my chopsticks. "Oh, really?" He asks as he sits down next to me. "Yeah, he seems like a nice guy and Crystal has been eating my ears off to hook me up with someone." I reply, making Ashton hum. "Why though? You are perfectly capable of finding someone yourself. Plus, you are an independent woman and you don't need no man." He jokes, making me giggle as I take a bite from my food. "I am a boss bitch, I need no one. But... My bed is always empty and loneliness is hard. You know that better than anyone." I reply, leaning my head against his shoulder. "Yeah... Well, he better be nice to you." He mumbles, starting the movie. "Let's not talk about him now. It's our slumber party..." I state and he hums in agreement.

I rush to my door, trying not to trip off on my high heels on my way there. I open it, finding Ashton behind it holding a box of pizza. "Oh, shit." I breathe out, mentally slapping my face. "I am glad to see you too, Geez..." He rolls his eyes, walking in. "I totally forgot about you..." I sigh and he furrows his eyebrows, looking at me in confusion. "Am I easy to forget, (Y/N)?" He asks, leaving the pizza box on the island. "Not at all, Ash. Ryan, the guy I have been talking with... Well, he asked me out and... We are going out tonight." I explain and he gasps softly, with his face dropping. "But tonight is Saturday... And Saturday is our day. We are hanging out on Saturdays..." He says, making my stomach hurt as I realize I have let him down. "I am sorry, love. We can hang out tomorrow, same time. I'll buy pizza and ice cream. We can meet early in the morning, spend the day together, binge-watch that series you have been talking about all the time." I nearly plead for him to accept it. "I am spending the day with Calum tomorrow... Well, next week then... You have fun at your date, tell me how it went..." He says, leaning down to press a kiss on my forehead. "The pizza..." I reach for the box to hand it back to him. "Keep it as a treat. In case you get hungry after your date." He smiles, bringing a smile on my face as well; he always had the most contagious smile ever. "Be safe. If you need anything, call me." He offers, making me nod.

"So, how is it going with Ryan?" Crystal asks before taking a sip of her wine. I clear my throat and bite the inside of my cheek. "We've gone out a couple of times. He is nice and charming, and he treats me right. But we are not official, I guess... We haven't put a label on, yet." I reply; unconsciously, my eyes travel to Ashton, watching for his reaction. He cuts a piece of his lasagna and eats it, paying zero attention to me. "Did he screw you yet?" He asks bluntly, still not looking at me. The table gasps and Calum punches Ashton's shoulder, while I fidget with my fingers. "That's really not your business." I mumble, feeling my cheeks heat up. He knows sex-talk makes me really uncomfortable, so he is the last person I expected to ask this question. "Oh, come on. We always talk about our sex lives... It's not a big deal." He looks at me straight in the eye, coldly almost. I detect no regret or hesitation in his eyes, which makes me hum. "You don't have to answer that, love." Crystal assures me, but I shake my head. "No, he is right. It is not a big deal." I state, shrugging my shoulders. "So, go ahead and tell us. Did he screw you yet? Did you fuck?" He asks, pressing on the matter. "Ashton, stop." Calum hisses, but he brushes him off. "We haven't yet. I mean, we almost did. We made out, I was sitting on his lap, his dick got hard. He almost got me naked, he touched me softly. I had never been so wet in my whole entire life. But we stopped. He wanted it to be a little more... Special, I guess. So, we stopped... And I have to say, it was so hard to stop... I still think about it when I touch myself... Oof, I can't even get my head straight at the thought of him fucking me." I reply, not taking my eyes off of him, searching for his reaction. He looks at me intensely, jaw twitching a little. There is deep silence on the table, everyone looking between me and Ashton. "Ok, thank you for the update..." Luke breaks the tension, but Ashton and I still look at each other.

"Does anyone wanna try my veggie lasagna?" Calum clears his throat, trying to find a way to get everyone to tense down. "I've actually had enough for today." He states, pushing his chair back before he stands up. I take a sip from my drink, looking at him as he marches away. "What the fuck was that?" Michael mumbles, looking at me. "He asked, I answered." I shrug my shoulders.

My foot moves nervously as Ryan hands me my drink, making me smile tightly at him. "Are you alright?" He asks, taking a seat by me and putting his arm on the back of the couch. "Yeah, yeah... I had a stressful couple of days, and my mind keeps going back to them." I reply, bringing my glass to my lips. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, placing his hand on top of mine. "It has to do with my best friend. He has been acting very weird lately and I am really worried, to be honest. But I really don't want to talk more about it." I gulp and he nods. "You are so thoughtful of everyone. It makes you really adorable." He whispers and I smile, pressing my lips together. "I don't want to be adorable tonight... Adorable doesn't make men hard..." I whisper, moving to straddle him. "It makes me hard..." He moans as I lower my lips to his neck. "Oh yeah?" I ask, running my tongue across the hickey I was sucking on. "Yeah... I've been thinking about you since the last time..." He places his hands on my hips before slipping one of them under my t-shirt and up my back. "Have you, now?" I ask cockily, tilting my head back as he nudges it with his own. He kisses on my collarbones, trailing up to my lips. "Oh, fuck, Ashton..." I moan, closing my eyes.

Ryan stops instantly and I gasp as I realize what just happened. I move from his lap, bringing my hands to cover my mouth and looking at him in shock. "Who's Ashton?" He asks me calmly but shocked. "I am so sorry..." I mumble, feeling horrible about what happened. "Who's Ashton?" He insists, standing up. I close my eyes, running my hand down my face. I contemplate on what to tell him, surely not knowing what Ashton is to me anymore. "He is the only person I want to be with..." I say softly, tilting my head to the side. He just looks at me while I wish for the earth beneath me to swallow me whole. "You should really get out of here." He points out, handing me my purse and phone. "Ryan, I am really sorry." I state, making him chuckle sarcastically. "Yeah, me too." He replies, opening the door for me.

The drive back home was full of me asking myself what the fuck I should do. I have been in love with Ashton ever since I met him, I had to sit and watch him move from relationship to relationship, each time getting more and more hurt. I have had enough of him treating me as nothing more than a friend and as much as I hated it, I settled for just that. But he has been in my head, every day since we met, everything I have been feeling for him only growing stronger.

I park my car and get out of it, trying to get some structure into my thoughts. Reaching for the entrance of my apartment building, I find Ashton sitting on the floor, with his back against the door of it. "Ash... What are you doing here?" I ask, getting his attention on me. His face is puffy and his eyes are red, making me kneel and cup his face in my hands. "Have you been drinking?" I ask, worrying about him relapsing. "I am sober." He utters, placing his hands on mine. My heart goes back to its place and I finally take a breath, standing up and helping him get off the ground. "Come on, let's get in." I sigh, unlocking the front door.

He follows suit behind me, both of us staying silent until I unlock the door and let us in. I turn up the lights, leaving my purse down before I turn to look at Ashton, who scratches the back of his neck nervously. "You were with Ryan?" He asks, barely over a whisper. "Are you here for the second round of that shit you pulled everyone through last week?" I ask and he shakes his head, looking at his feet. "I was at his house." I admit, sitting on the arm of the couch. "Uh... Did you have sex with him?" He asks, making me sigh. "Ash, if you are here to..." I begin but he stops me. "I am not... It doesn't matter anyway..." He says. "Why are you here then? What do you want?" I ask him, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "I... Fuck... I had this whole speech in my head on the drive here, I had so many things I wanted to say, and now I am blank... I don't know from where to start and I am a fucking mess right now." He mumbles and I stare at him, trying to figure out where all of this is going. "You can start by telling me why you were outside my door looking like you've been hit by a truck." I suggest and he hums. "I have been in love with you since the day I met you. Calum and Michael convinced me that I would screw everything up if I tried to be with you... So I repressed everything and decided that if I couldn't be with you, at least I should settle for being your friend. And in the beginning, it worked, because you hadn't been going out with anyone, you hadn't been with anyone really, so it was fine, I wasn't jealous... And then Crystal set you up with Ryan and I felt like I was running out of time. I pictured him touching you, kissing you, making you happy and it drove me insane... I didn't want anyone being with you but me... I wanted to distance myself, especially after the time you canceled on me to go out with him, but it made me look like a douchebag, particularly after the dinner incident. I drove home that day, repeating in my head what you told me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It took me a lot to come to terms with the fact I was losing you, and even more to build the courage to stand before you and admit that I am in love with you. It might fuck everything up as Calum said, but I can't go on thinking I wasted away even the slight possibility of ending up with you." He admits, causing me to sigh in relief. I stand up, shaking my head at him.

"I moaned your name." I whisper, looking at him as he furrows his eyebrows at me. "What? When?" He asks me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Tonight. We were kissing, Ryan and I... I had decided I wanted to have sex with him, and we were making out. I was on his lap and he was kissing my neck, and it felt nice, it really did. So I closed my eyes and I pictured you, kissing my neck, touching me, making me feel good. And I moaned your name. It rolled off my tongue so naturally. And he asked me who Ashton is and I lost it... I didn't know what to tell him and I couldn't tell him you are just a friend, because, well, you really can't moan your friend's name the way I did... So I told him you are the only person I want to be with and he told me to leave. And I drove here, hoping I could get my mind right and tell you how much I love you, how much I wish I can be with you. So, fuck Calum's opinion, you should have told me ages before." I comment, making him hum. "Yeah, Calum really had the dumbest idea..." He whispers, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "You really shouldn't have listened to him..." I mumble as he pulls me closer. "I really shouldn't have..." He utters, leaning down to kiss me.

My eyes flicker at the sensation of his lips against mine, my foot popping up just as it happens in those movies I always make fun of. My stomach tightens before it flutters; it feels like I am a teen again. His hands travel to my waist, wrapping tightly around it as I deepen the kiss. "Fuck me, you feel so good against me..." He moans, parting away from me for a second to catch his breath. "With pleasure..." I smirk, making him lick his lips. "We don't have to do anything just yet." He leans down to whisper in my ear, pecking on my temple at the end of the sentence. I whimper, pulsing around nothing as I look at him with my eyes wide and my lips parted. "Well, now we do." I reply mesmerized, feeling my cheeks heating up. He bites the inside of his cheek, moving to pick me up. My skirt hitches up my thighs as he carries me to my bedroom. I feel anxious about what is to come, yet at ease as if all of this has happened before. "Do you have condoms?" He asks me as he lets me on the bed. "I am on birth control." I mumble and he nods. For a second I feel awkwardness sinking in the room, none of us making a single move.

I stand up from the bed, moving before him before I take my t-shirt off, staring at him. "Fuck..." He moans under his breath, scanning me up and down. "You've seen me scantily clad before... One too many times." "You think I wasn't having these thoughts every time I watched you in a bikini?" He asks as my hands move to unzip my skirt. "Are you going to take anything off, or are you going to keep burning holes on my skin with your eyes?" I ask him, making him cock an eyebrow at me. "Watching you strip doesn't sound that bad." He replies without taking his eyes off me. "Take a picture, it will last longer." I joke and his eyes go a little darker. "Can I?" He asks, licking his lips. "If you play your cards right, I might let you next time." I tease, unhooking my bra and letting it slide down my arms.

He gulps thickly, undoing his belt as he watches me like a hawk. "Shall I start solo?" I ask, crawling onto my bed. "You feel like putting on a show for me?" He asks, bringing a smirk to my face. I slip off my underwear and spread my legs as I lay on my back, getting comfortable before my hand slips between my thighs. I run my fingers down my core, feeling my wetness before pressing them against my clit, circling it slowly. "Oh, Ash... I am so wet..." I moan, feeling goosebumps rise on my skin as I feel him observe me. "Fuck..." He mumbles, nearly jumping towards me and removing my hand. He looks at me with dark eyes, pupils dilated, and face tensed. "Are you going to fuck me or what?" I ask, chest rising and falling. "For such a sweet face, you would think you are a sweetheart... But look at that foul mouth..." He comments, spreading my legs more. "Pretend you don't like it, daddy..." I smirk, making him blink a couple of times before he thrusts in me. I whimper at the sensation, arching a bit off the mattress. "How did you just call me?" He asks, gripping onto my thighs harshly. The pads of his fingers sink onto my skin, surely leaving prints that prove he has been there. "You need to stop oversharing details about your sex life... Well, at least now that we are going to be fucking." I reply, raising my bum in the air to bring my hips closer to him. He is going slow, agonizingly slow for my liking, and I really want him faster, deeper, harder. I have been dreaming about this moment for years, and I always picture him going animalistic at it. "More." I beg, wiggling my hips as he thrusts in and out. "More? Already? Look at that... Taking my cock so well and begging for more..." He praises, pounding in me with force. My ass lands back on the mattress and my thighs almost reach my chest. "I have been thinking about this moment ever since I can remember myself. I want everything I can get." I reach for my breasts, cupping one in my palm before I fondle with it. "Have you been dreaming about it every time you touched yourself? Have you been thinking about my cock stretching your perfect little pussy, pressing against your cervix? Have you been dreaming about me touching you in places a friend shouldn't?" He taunts, making the bed rattle as he fucks me harder. "Oh, you have no idea." I moan, throwing my head back in pleasure. "I think I do, princess. I can't even watch porn anymore, because thinking of you is the only thing that sets me off. I stroke my cock and moan your fucking name. I have been craving you for years. And you are all mine now." The last part comes out of him as a growl from deep in his chest, the primitiveness of it making me gasp for air. "Oh, God..." I moan, feeling him hit my spot perfectly. "There... There... Do it again... Fuck." I hiss, biting my lips and closing my eyes shut. "Oh, you like it there? Your little pussy is spasming around my cock... You like my cock hitting there?" He asks me, the smirk in his face evident in his voice. "Kiss me..." I demand, craving him more than anything I have ever craved.

He leans down, planting his lips on mine sloppily, running his tongue across my teeth. He continues fucking me, his hips slamming on mine as he keeps thrusting on the same spot as I tighten around him. My body tingles, toes curling and nails digging in his skin as I cum, biting his bottom lip. "Fuck... Oh God, oh fuck..." I mumble, my voice breaking at the end. "I am going to cum... I am going to fucking cum... You are squeezing so fucking tight around me..." He chants, pounding on me with force and vigor. He feels rock hard inside me, sending more pleasure through my body. "Cum... Please cum, daddy." I nearly scream the plea, feeling my eyes brim with tears. "I... I wanna... I... Fucking hell..." He utters, spilling inside me and throwing his head back, grounding his hips onto mine.

I walk back into my bedroom after cleaning up, finding Ashton with the biggest smile on his face. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask, wrapping myself in a romp. "Ever had sex so good you want to start screaming shit like God is real during an orgasm?" He asks me as I crawl onto my bed and head to curl up on him. "Is that philosophical? Or maybe rhetoric?" I ask and he hums for a second. "No, it is actually what was going on in my brain while I was inside you. I kept going like "God is real, so freaking real". I dreamt about it for so long and it finally happened." He explains, running his fingers down my arm. "I was actually thinking when it would be over... So I could have you again, and again, and again." I reply, pressing a kiss on his chest, chest below the part his necklace ends. "Give me half an hour, and I can go at it again." He states and I giggle. "No, I am sore... I didn't think something so good would make me feel sore after..." I groan. "I love you." He mumbles, sighing. His chest rises and falls calmly, and his lips curl into a smile. "Ooh, take me out on a date first, dude." I decide to tease him, sitting up a little to be on eye level with him. He looks at me totally petrified, which makes me burst into laughter. "I love you... Perks of dating your best friend... No need to do the whole awkward dating thing before you actually realize you love or hate that person. And I love you, even though you are kind of a broody, pain in my fucking ass. Screw that, I love you because you are a kind of a broody pain in my fucking ass. Among other things." I reply, leaning down to peck on his lips. "I can't wait to tell Calum how wrong he was." He sighs, stroking my cheek. "I can't wait to punch Calum in the face for keeping you away from me." I take his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. "Cute little bumblebee turns violent." He chuckles, making me look at him in confusion. "Bumblebee?" I ask and he hums. "Yeah, cause you are cute and buzzing and you go insane over flowers. Bumblebee..." He points out, making me smile. "I can get used to that..." I relax back on his chest, pressing my ear right over his heart.

My Masterlist

[mostly-marvel-musings]

A Mere Mortal - Chapter One

A/N: This story is based on the prompt : Vampires cannot enter a house without your permission, but what if your landlord’s a vampire? It’s his house, he’s just letting you live there. Part of the Landlord Vampire Fic Frenzy hosted by @just-the-hiddles​. This will be a mini series. I’m super nervous about this one, so feedback’s most welcome!

Tags : @buckybarnesplumwhore​ 

Taglists open! Let me know if you would like to be tagged in the future chapters.

Pairing: Vampire! Bucky Barnes x Vampire! Loki x Human! Reader

Check out the Prologue here 

Word count: 1295

Warnings: Foul language. Blood (Vampires! Kind of a package deal). Smut in future chapters. 18+ content!

...

Chapter 1 

A cold mid-morning breeze welcomed you as you stepped out of the car that dropped you off at Dewsbury town square.

I like the weather already, you thought with a smile.

You had a backpack and a small duffel bag with your essentials, the rest of your luggage would be reaching the new house in the evening. Which meant you could walk around town, get some food, and maybe talk to a few locals.

Welcome to Dewsbury (Y/N). Hope you had a safe journey. – James Barnes.

That is weirdly prompt, you thought as you read the text message on your phone. you thought nothing much of it as you texted back a polite reply and made your way further into the town, looking around for a place to eat and hang out for a few hours.

You reached a place called Ivy Grill and decided to walk in for some lunch. The interiors looked too dark for this time of the day. Polished wooden tables with plush chairs covered in a dark blue velvet fabric, the place was almost empty, you observed. The table in front of the bar looked relatively well lit so you opted to sit there.

Since no one was around you put your bags on the chair beside you and slumped back looking around for someone to bring you a menu.

You texted Sam in the meantime, informing him about your whereabouts.

A short plump woman appeared from your right, poured you a glass of water and asked, “What can I get you dear?”

“Umm what do you recommend? Any dish of the day?”

“Clam chowder sound good? We’re known for it.” she asked with a smile.

“Great I’ll have that. Is it always this windy here?” you asked, looking out the far window at the back where you could see hemlock trees swaying in the breeze.

“Today of all days it is, it looks like it’s only gonna get colder. You know what let me bring you some mulled wine, it’ll keep you warm.” the woman said turning around and walking back to what you assumed was the kitchen.

Before you could say it was too early to be drinking, she was gone. You figured you could needed some warmth in your body since your clothes wouldn’t provide for much. You wore a light cardigan over a thin white T shirt and your favorite pair of faded blue denims.

The middle-aged woman, Jenny you’d learnt, returned with your order and placed it in front of you. It smelled delicious. You couldn’t wait to dig in.

Now that you were fed and wined, you felt better. You could hang out here, but you figured you would ask Jenny for a local library to go visit.

…

The library, you’d found out, was situated right at the beginning of The Old Chapel Street, your house was located at the end of the same street. How convenient.

The rusty old bell rang as you pushed through the door and stepped into the library. The smell of old and new books filled your nostrils as soon as you did. Your favorite scent.

As you made your way to the front desk, you noticed a man, the librarian, sitting in his armchair almost asleep with his head on the table.

You cleared your throat to announce your arrival, which made the man sit up instantly. He looked up at you through his crooked glasses and smiled.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone at this hour, apologies. What can I help you with, my dear?”

“I was wondering if I could look around in here. Perhaps read up a little about the town history?”

“Most certainly. You’ll find Dewsbury history books in aisle three. You can keep your bags over there on the table while you look for them. They’ll be safe don’t worry, we have cameras installed.” The man gestured towards the leather armchairs and tables near the corner of the library.

“Thank you sir.”

“Please call me Frank. And if you need any help at all do not hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you Frank, I will.” You said, giving him a smile.

Balding slightly, a paunch, in his mid-sixties you presumed. He seemed nice.

You walked over to the aisle, picked out Dewsbury: A Brief History and went to settle down in the chair beside the large windows.

You must’ve been reading for an hour or two, engrossed in the book, when the door swung open. You heard footsteps walking across the floor and a velvety smooth baritone fell on your ears.

“I smell something new in here Frank.”

The voice made you look up towards Frank’s desk. Your eyes fell upon a tall man dressed in all black, with raven black hair reaching his shoulders, his back towards you.

“Good to see you too Loki. Did you bring my books back? You were supposed to return them two days ago.”

“I have them right here. You didn’t answer my question Frank, is there someone-” the man named Loki stopped mid-sentence as he turned around and saw you.

You felt the hairs of your neck stand up as you locked eyes. His eyes were piercing blue with hints of green? A sharp jawline that could probably cut glass, and a smile that made you very uncomfortable. Wow those eyes though.

“That’s (Y/N). She’s new to town. Let’s not scare her away on her very first day.” Frank interrupted your staring match. You smiled warily and nodded a bit before returning your attention to the book.

They continued talking for a while and you went back to reading, very aware of the occasional glances you were getting from Loki from the corner of your eye.

Your phone buzzed suddenly startling you, it was the shipping guy. You checked your watch, it was five thirty already. Had it really been that long? Well time flew when you got into reading as always.

The guy informed you that they’d reach your house in ten minutes. You figured you’d take your leave and started walking towards the front with your bags and the book. Loki was still leaning on the desk in conversation with Frank.

“Well I better take off, the shipping guys are here. Thank you for the book Frank. I’ll come back for it.” you gave him a genuine smile and placed the book on the table.

“Loki Laufeyson. Pleasure to meet you (Y/N).” Loki extended his hand towards you. You took it and it felt very cold. Loki noticed your surprise and smiled wider.

“Hello Loki.” you replied shakily as you looked into those eyes again.

“I guess I’ll see you around.” With that you walked out of the library glancing back one last time at Loki who was looking at you this whole time.

Sure, not creepy at all, you thought.

You walked down the street towards your house, the air was definitely colder now. You made a mental note of buying some warm scarves later.

As your new house came into view, you couldn’t help feel the excitement again. It looked better than the pictures for sure. You waited outside for the truck to arrive and noticed that the house overlooked the forest. It wasn’t too dense, but it wasn’t very pleasant either. You were sure there were wolves in that forest, among other things.

The truck arrived shortly and unloaded all your luggage on the front porch.

Phew! This is gonna take a while. You better get to it before it starts getting dark.

Just as you were about to pick up the first box your phone buzzed again. You fished it out of your pocket and opened the text message.

Looks like a lot of luggage. You’ll be exhausted after all that moving. Why don’t I come over with a welcome drink. It’s about time we met (Y/N) – James B.

…

Find Chapter 2 here

[kpop-uni]

Through the Lens // Five

Christian YuxYoutuber!Reader Words: 4.5K A/N: WOW did this take forever :( I’m sorry for the long wait but as you guys probably know I’m not in the best mental place right now and my main priority was getting help for me. Though, thanks for sticking with me! Love ya lots! But we’re looking at maybe? Two chapters until the end? Like usual I might post a poll on what fic to post but if anything I’ll just post summaries and Ill update as I go along~ If anything, a poll will be up with weekend to see what fics I’ll be posting next!

Chapter Four // Chapter Six

To everyone, except for Gyungmo of course, nothing was out of the ordinary with you. You smiled and joked around the same, always enthusiastic about going out to eat or shoving your mouth with snacks. But, the moment that Christian joined, or if Chaeyoung was present, everything with you went quiet. You stayed in your place with the same excuses. 

"I'm editing." "No, I'm just making sure the battery is okay." "I gotta make notes on what to delete."

Scott, on the other hand, began to notice, furrowing his eyebrows and thinking that maybe Chaeyoung had said something to you. But even when he knew no one was noticing the two of you, Chaeyoung offered you her snacks, always asking if you needed something from the store or if she could watch while you went over the edited videos. You tensed a bit when she was near you, giving her one-worded answers or sometimes answering with a shake of your head. 

"Did I do something to her?" Chaeyoung looked over at Christian. 

You had left the room rather quickly after Chaeyoung gave Christian a kiss on the cheek. Chaeyoung turned to you as you slammed your laptop shut, quickly walking out of the studio with Scott right behind you. 

"Hm?" Christian finally gave his attention to Chaeyoung, eyes moving away from the reflection of the studio glass. He saw how Scott was whispering to you, your shoulders slumping, getting up and leaving with him right behind you. Christian's blood boiled, hands clenching into fists. 

"If I did or say something to her," Chaeyoung repeated, elbow resting on the table and fist on her temple. "I feel like she doesn't like me much,"

Before Christian could answer, Gyungmo came in with Cline right behind him, the two showing Christian the finished song. 

"Gyungmo, I can't do this anymore..." You sighed, your thumb pad between your teeth as you nibbled on it, a habit you had when nervous or stressed.

"I told you, just stop overthinking these things-"

"But it's like he's rubbing it in my face," You turned to Gyungmo, hands now on your knees before you sighed, going back to staring at your laptop screen. "This video is almost half an hour long and I still haven't added any footage of him. And to top it, this whole part was about his process!"

Gyungmo sighed, biting his inner cheek, silent until you let your head fall. "So? Are you gonna cut this part out of the series?"

It was quiet, Gyungmo waiting for your response before you shook your head, giving out a sigh. You'll admit, you wanted to skip this part of the series but you knew you would get questions about why and the last thing you wanted was for fans to twist around your intensions. "No, I have to film him and see if he needs anything edited out."

With a nod, Gyungmo left you to continue his work. You hesitantly reached for your camera and laptop, holding on to the charger with your finger as you made your way to Christian's workspace. You stood outside the door, calming your nervous as you lifted your fist, about to knock when the door was pulled open, Christian looking down at you.

He was a bit startled, blinking and taking the tiniest of steps back before you immediately looked down. He watched as you fidgeted, almost dropping your laptop in the process of trying to find your words.

"I need to edit my video with you, just to see if it's okay with you and if you want-"

"I'm going on a date with Chaeyoung, can it wait?"

You gulped at the interruption, your voice already shaking with the nervous. The last thing you wanted was to make an even bigger fool out of yourself so you nodded. You simply stepped back, Christian moving past you and ignoring the way you bit your lip, heading in the opposite direction.

You locked yourself in Cline's space, taking deep breaths and calming yourself down. You slumped down on the arm of the couch, closing your eyes and breathing in and out. With a sigh and soft bite to the corner of your lip, you gulped down the rest of the feelings you had, fixing your laptop and charger in your hand before standing.

Scott looked down the halls, trying to find any sign of you before spotting you checking your phone, calling your name. You were a bit startled, Scott laughing as he walked over. "You hungry?"

You spent the afternoon in with Scott at a small restaurant, the two of you laughing and talking about anything Scott was working on. Eventually, the conversation turning into a game that Scott was interested in playing.

"I think my next series is going to be just playing that game, I've heard good things about it,"

"Are you seriously going to go back to gameplays?" Scott asked, excitement in his eyes as you laughed. The two of you eventually felt like you overstayed your lunch break, Scott letting you pay for the food after losing to a quick round of rock, paper, scissors.

When the two of you walked out, you looked up to find Christian and Chaeyoung walking across the street, hands tightly grasped. Chaeyoung giggling about whatever Christian whispered about, a smirk on his face. You ignored them, focusing on Scott who kept telling his story, your hand in the crook of his arm as the two of you decided to go on a stroll. You laughed a little at what Scott said, distracting you from Christian.

But Chaeyoung noticed you right away, smiling a bit and leaning her head on Christian's bicep. "Aren't they so cute? I feel like they were meant for each other,"

Christian looked over, quickly spotting how much you were laughing at Scott's hands tickling your sides. He clenched his teeth, Scott leaning all his weight on you as you attempted to hold him up, whining his name as he laughed, the two of you stumbling slightly.

You let Scott drag you back to him, continuing the walk. Christian hummed, turning back ahead and trying to ignore what he saw, letting out a breath. "She seems so nice... I kind of feel bad because I think she just doesn't like me," Chaeyoung let the conversation end there, focusing on Christian and their date. But Christian's jaw tensed, looking down at Chaeyoung.

"I'm sure you did nothing, she's just a little hard to get along with at first,"

Gyungmo and Scott had invited the guys on your last night to end your vacation with a celebration, hosting a house party in Scott's place. You knew it wasn't nice, but you couldn't help but feel happy that Christian and Chaeyoung didn't go. You wanted to enjoy yourself once more before heading home, and you knew you weren't going to be able to if you only saw them together.

You let yourself relax, enjoying the company of Hyuk who wouldn't let you go, making you shy whenever you were teased about it. Woo taught you how to spin a few records, teaching you the basics of how to DJ. You stayed with your camera glued to your hand, taking pictures and videos of everyone and everything.

The next morning, you sat on the hotel bed, showered and with everything packed save for your laptop case. You tried looking for the courage to send the text, looking down at your phone. You let out a breath, squeezing your eyes closed and pressing the send button.

Christian's attention was given to his phone at the ding it made, seeing a text from you and sighing a bit.

Y/N 12:54 PM: Can we edit the video now?

Christian knew he couldn't avoid you forever, so he replied back that he was in his studio and to go over. He sat back in his chair, hands rubbing his face as he knew he needed to face you sooner or later. But still, he couldn’t help the anger that bubbled up whenever he saw you, knowing you belonged to Scott.

Christian waited for half an hour, closing his laptop and just about to give up on you when you knocked, heading inside the studio.

"Hey,"

Christian looked up from his laptop, seeing you walk in with your own laptop on hand. You closed the door behind you, Christian, without a word, moved his things aside and giving you room to set your laptop down.

The tension was thick and you began to think that you took forever in setting your editing programs up, taking a seat and clearing your throat. "So, I'm going to combine the videos and play them, I'll tell you my plans and you tell me what you want me to get rid of."

With only a nod and a hum that Christian gave you, you opened the file only for Christian's part of the series, clicking into each video in the order you set it. You waited as he watched the first clip, biting your tongue gently.

Christian was clicking away in the video, eyes focused on his screen as you zoomed in a bit, giggling. He turned to you, giving you a confused look before breaking out into a smile.

"You don't need this one," Christian sat back into his chair, making you hum.

"This one is the intro, kind of to kick it off." You hesitated on looking at him, Christian rolling his eyes and shrugging, sighing out a quiet whatever. You looked back at the video, clicking out of it and moving it to a new file, continuing the second video.

"Delete that, I want my programs to be kept to myself," You nodded, adding in an edit, making sure to type it into the notes on your phone, continuing the video.

Your leg shook with nerves, eyes glued to the screen, going from video to video and doing everything that Christian told you to do with it. It was only a couple more videos when a knock on the door made you both turn, Chaeyoung poking her head before giving a shy smile. “Sorry, I’ll let you guys continue-“

“No, it’s fine.” Christian waved her in, pulling a chair right next to him. You squirmed in your seat, eyes going back to your screen and clicking through the video. You ignored the tiny giggle that escaped Chaeyoung and the soft kiss that Christian gave her until Christian gave you his attention again.

By the end, what could've been a 24-minute long video turned into only 5 minutes. You combined all the videos together, seeing the time limit and frowning, going through other files to look for any other videos you could add.

"That's it, right? We finished?" You could hear the impatience in Christian's voice, pulling his laptop closer. Chaeyoung helped him pull his items closer, going back to resting her arm on the table.

"No, the video needs to be longer than just five minutes," You ignored the way Christian grumbled, closing your eyes and continuing to look for more videos.

"Why don't you like Chaeyoung? What did she do to you?"

You were caught off guard with the question, fingers freezing as you looked at Christian. He glared at you, almost as if he wanted to bury you alive, hand gripping the mouse. Chaeyoung, who was once on her phone, turned to Christian so quick, you thought she was going to snap her neck.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, letting your hands fall from your keyboard to your lap, shaking your head as you scoffed. “What?” 

With a sarcastic chuckle, Christian shook his head. “Everyone can tell that you don’t like Chaeyoung. So why? She’s been nothing but nice to you-“

“Who said that I didn’t like her? I never said that!” You argued back, turning fully toward him. 

“You make it so fucking obvious!” Christian raised his voice, hand waving as if he were showing you how obvious it was. “All that’s left is for you to openly tell her to fuck off-“ 

“Why the hell are you saying such shit?” You yelled back, glaring at Christian. “I’m sorry that I don’t want to talk to your girlfriend like she's my best friend! Is that what’s bugging you?” 

“Ian, stop...” Chaeyoung tried to stop Christian, looking at you with worried eyes. “I’m so sorry, please just ignore him.”

“Come on,” Christian laughed, shaking his head. “Y/N, you literally act like a bitch with her. You’re all fun and games with everyone and when she comes in the hate just oozes out of you!”

Your eyes widened, slamming your laptop closed and grabbing your things. Chaeyoung flinched at the slam, a quiet yelp leaving her and Christian only flinched a bit. “Have you ever thought that maybe it’s not her I hate, Christian?” You turned to the door, grabbing the doorknob. “Maybe, just maybe, it’s you that I hate?” 

Before you could even take a step out, the door was slammed closed, catching you off guard. You were spun around, backing yourself to the door as Christian's jaw clenched, eyes filled with anger as your hands pressed into his chest, attempting to prevent him from getting closer.

"You have no fucking reason to hate me," Christian's words came out quietly, each one oozing venom. Your eyes that were once wide in surprise turned into a hard glare, adding force to your push that only resulted in Christian moving only slightly back. "I never did anything to you.“

"Ian..." Chaeyoung hissed, worry evident on her face as she desperately tried to pull him away from you. "That's enough, okay? You don't need to do this-"

"Never did anything to me?" You scoffed, staring up at Christian in disbelief. "You treated me so nice the whole beginning, but one little drunken night that we kissed and you suddenly changed on me! And you got yourself a girlfriend making me think that I'm the problem!"

Chaeyoung finally stopped trying to pull Christian -who was frozen in shock- back, as Chaeyoung looked at you as if you had grown another head, shaking her head a bit. "Christian wouldn't do that..."

You looked at Christian, an eyebrow raised as you waited for him to talk. “You didn’t tell her? That I pulled you out to dance and you made me think there might have been something between us, only for you to make me feel like a cheap hookup?” 

Christian was at a loss for words, only staring at you as he finally stepped back enough, letting you rush out of the room. You stopped before closing the door, looking at Christian one more time. “I regret ever getting close to you,” The slam of the door echoed in the room, Chaeyoung letting out a breath and moving away. 

“I really thought you started to like me,” Chaeyoung’s voice was soft, pulling away from Christian to grab her phone. 

“I do-“ 

“No, you don’t,” Chaeyoung looked up at Christian. He faced her, worry on his face as Chaeyoung sighed. “Why did you even do this to her? To me?”

Christian tried to say something, anything to not hurt Chaeyoung. His mouth opened and closed as if he was choking on air, trying to find the right words before closing his eyes, letting out a breath. 

“She doesn’t like me, she was drunk and I thought maybe, just maybe, she liked me but she only liked Scott. She probably only kissed me to get back at him since he was with some other girl.” Christian moved to sit on his chair, burying his face in his hands. “I didn’t want to hurt you, and you’re so cool and I thought maybe I can forget her but-“

“You’re still into her,” Chaeyoung finished his sentence, Christian quiet. He clasped his hands in front of his face, only nodding. Chaeyoung looked down, silently walking out the studio. 

Christian stayed in silence, head spinning with thoughts of everything that has happened. He groaned, burying his face in his arms, wrapping his hands around his head, wanting to curl into a ball and hide for a while. 

You tried to calm down, huffing out in anger as you set your things down on a desk, your eyes closed as you finally let yourself breathe. "Everything okay?"

Scott smiled when he found you, walking over as you sat up on the desk, swinging your legs lightly. He stood next to your legs, watching your lips curve up into a small smile. "It's flight nerves, nothing too big,"

Scott stayed quiet, knowing you were lying but only responding with a smile, patting your thigh gently. You were quiet, your fingernails gently scratching Scott's head as his eyes closed a bit, enjoying the attention. You smiled a little, tilting your head a bit. "Sometimes when you spend time with me, I wish you were the one I fell for,"

Scott scoffed, laughing a bit as his eyes stayed closed, leaning more into you before resting his head on your arm. "We would be that famous couple that people would call us mom and dad,"

"Bold you to think they already don't," You giggled as Scott laughed quietly.

You both stayed silent a bit longer, Scott eventually pulling back and grabbing your things, silently giving you the hint that it was time to leave. "I'm sorry things didn't work with the guy you liked," Scott grabbed your hand, fingers intertwining as the two of you headed to your hotel.

"It's whatever, I'm just glad I never told him or else I would've died from embarrassment." You shook your head, letting out a sigh. "Guess I just thought he liked me too,"

"Well he's an idiot if he doesn't like you, you would've been an amazing girlfriend." Scott smiled at your laugh, staying quiet during the short walk. He held the door of the hotel open for you, following you to the elevators. 

“You know, lowkey you can give Gyungmo a chance.” 

The suggestion caught you off guard, making you look at Scott as the two of you stood in your spots, ignoring the elevator door as it opened. Scott only laughed a bit, pressing the button to keep the door open as he stepped inside. “I was just saying,” 

“Scott, what does that even mean?” 

You knew exactly what it meant, anyone hearing Scott would know what it meant. But still, you were caught off guard and now with this sudden news, you weren’t sure you were hearing things correctly. 

“I mean, Gyungmo has a thing for you. Or had... I’m not sure anymore.” Scott pressed the button again as the doors closed, reaching for your wrist to pull you inside. 

“He had a thing for me?” You ask, letting yourself get dragged into the elevator. 

“Okay don’t make this weird for him, I wasn’t supposed to tell you,” Scott watched as you simply nodded, blinking a bit but still processing everything he said, only looking up when the doors opened on your floor. 

“Is he still coming to drive me?” You asked, Scott now on his phone. 

“Yeah, he said to just give him a heads up.” 

You asked him to send Gyungmo the text, stepping inside your room and putting away the last bit of your things. Scott sat at the end of the bed, phone in hand as he scrolled through it, occasionally looking up to see if you needed any help. 

With a groaned sigh, you plopped on the bed next to Scott, resting your head on his shoulder. You two stayed quiet, looking at everything ready to be taken to the car, Scott occasionally chuckling a bit at something he would see on his phone. At the sound of a knock, you let Scott open the door and let in Gyungmo and Cline. You held on to Gyungmo's sleeve, letting him stay back as Cline and Scott left with a suitcase, the two talking. 

"Scott said something to me," You kept your eyes on Gyungmo as he furrowed his eyebrows, thinking on what Scott could've possibly said to you. "He said you have a thing for me?"

With a sigh and smile, Gyungmo shook his head, intertwining your fingers with his. "I had a thing for you, I mean, you're so cute in your videos and you're kind and a sweetheart in person. But I like you like this, being with me and gossiping about stupid shit," 

You couldn't help the smile on your face, getting shy and looking down a little. Gyungmo watched as you collected yourself, lightly slapping your cheeks to get rid of the blush that you knew was present before swinging your bag over your shoulder. Gyungmo stayed by your side, the two of you in comforting silence. "Thanks for being there for me all this time, I hope you know I'm going to be there for you if you ever need me,"

Everything was quiet until you made it outside, Scott and John laughing loudly as Cline was dancing weirdly. Gyungmo stood next to you, a smile on his face as he watched Cline before elbowing you lightly, motioning to your phone. You giggled as Cline exaggerated his dancing more, moving closer to you and the laughter got louder from all of them. Before Cline could exaggerate anymore, John gasped about the time and everyone scattered to put the luggage in Gyungmo's car, rushing you inside. 

The airport buzzed with people traveling in and out, the place almost a blur with everyone. You checked in with Scott by your side, making sure you had all your documents before you made your way to security. A soft sigh later, you let Scott pull you into a hug, wrapping your arms around him tightly. 

"Thank you for letting me do this, I promise you guys are going to love it," You pulled back to offer Scott a hug grin, getting one in return. 

"We better, or you're coming back to film everything all over again," Scott joked, making you giggle. 

You gave Cline and John a hug, looking over at Gyungmo and wrapping your arms around his neck. "Thanks for everything," You whispered, kissing his cheek softly as you pulled back. Gyungmo smiled, trying to hide his blushing. With one final wave, you fixed your bag, using your phone to record the guys once more before heading to your terminal. 

Christian tried not to make it obvious as he walked up and down the halls of the building, looking for any sign of you. It had been two days and after you blocked him on Instagram, Christian had no idea what you were up to. He hadn't seen you in so long, and he didn't want to ask Scott seeing that as every time he tried to get some info, Scott just told him to text you.

Christian didn't bother to knock, just swinging the door open of Scott's studio to find him too close for comfort with a girl that wasn't you. She had a smile on her face, eyebrow raised as Scott leaned closer, only a breath away from kissing her. But the sudden door opened caused the two to look at Christian, his eyes wide in shock. 

"Hey, what's up?" Scott turned to Christian who collected his thoughts before his blood boiled, teeth-gritting in anger. 

"Are you fucking serious?" Christian erupted, Scott and the girl both startled from the sudden outburst. "Just because y/n isn't here you get to cheat on her?"

"What?" The girl glared at Scott, starting to push him away. "Who the hell is y/n?"

"Wait! What? No, hold up!" Christian moved aside as the girl furiously left, Scott trying to call her back before giving up, glaring at Christian. "Dude, what the fuck! You know how long I've been trying to get her to agree to go on a date-"

"What about y/n?" Christian yelled back, pushing Scott back. 

"What about her? She's not even here!" Scott stumbled into the soundboard table, muttering a curse as his wrist got hit by the edge.

The outburst caught the attention of Gyungmo who rushed over, getting between both men. "What the hell is going on?"

"This asshole is practically fucking some girl in here just because y/n isn't here!" Christian tried to push Gyungmo away, trying to reach Scott but he moved farther away.

"What does she have anything to do with it?" Scott yelled back, gesturing around the room. "She's not here!"

"How the hell are you going to cheat on her like that!" 

Scott stopped himself, blinking a bit before thinking about what Christian had just said. "Cheat on y/n? I'm not dating her, man."

Christian stopped trying to get past Gyungmo, furrowing his eyebrows. "Did you break up with her?" 

"I wasn't dating her in the first place?" Scott grew even more confused, Gyungmo stepping away from Christian as he sat on a chair, sighing heavily. 

"You really never noticed that it was Rome that she liked?" Cline's voice made the three turn to him, being caught off guard. Gyungmo was just as surprised at Cline's comment, the three staring at him. "Wait-"

"Did you think I didn't know?" Cline interrupted Gyungmo, head tilted in curiosity. "It was pretty obvious, I mean, I thought he liked her too but I guess not since Chaeyoung is in the picture." With a shrug, Cline dropped the subject, making everyone look at each other. 

"Well, here I was thinking it was Hyuk..." Scott rubbed his cheek, pensive about everything that was said. "No wonder it didn't make sense." 

"Wait... What?" Christian still couldn't get the whole picture, shaking his head. "She likes me?" 

"She fucking fell in love with you, idiot." Gyungmo sighed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Only you would think she and Scott are dating."

"Man, Hyuk was a better suspicion than me. He was practically all over her, especially during her goodbye party. " Scott sat on the edge of his soundboard, shaking his head.

"Goodbye party?" Christian repeated, looking at Scott. 

"We texted you about it, we just thought you were being an asshole and didn't want to go," Cline spoke up, still standing right outside the room. "She went back home like two days ago," 

Christian groaned, rubbing his face and gripping his hair. "I fucked up..."

"You think?" Scott scoffed, rolling his eyes. But still, Scott watched as Christian beat himself over what happened. With a sigh, Scott stood up straight. "I can help you find her. So you can properly apologize for being such a fucking dick." Christian looked up at his friend, slightly nodding his head. With a glare and roll of his eyes, Scott pulled out his phone, going to an old video on your channel and showing it to Christian. "She always hangs around here. It's her favorite place."

Tag list: @derya-t​ // @mara-twins​ // @thefangirlsoul​

[flowerpowell]

The Boy Next Door (Colt x MC / Logan x MC )

PART ONE

A/N: Here’s the first part of my new RoD series! It’s an AU so many, many details are changed and differ from canon. It is also loosely inspired by a book titled “Thoughtless” by SC Stephens (it’s really good and I’d recommend reading it!). If you’re wondering why you’re on the taglist, it’s because you probably even forgot asking me to put you on it 😅 If you wanted to be removed (or added), let me know! I hope you’ll like it, I’d love to hear your feedback! (Also, forgive me any mistakes, it’s been a while since I wrote anything and it’s really late and hsajdaa I promise next chapter will be better!)

Rating: PG-16 (I have no idea how to rate things)

Word count: 1820

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn @confessionsofabrokegirl @akrenich @lovehugsandcandy @walkerduchess @zaffrenotes @long-gone-girl @going-down-downtown @choicesthot @umiumichan @withoutanyconfidence @desiree-0816 @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @hellomynameisdevi @client-327 @liamzigmichael4ever @badchoicesposts @choicesarehard @poor-bi-choices @pixel-thirsty @blackcatkita ♥

Ellie Wheeler was not a confident, outgoing and spontaneous person. On the contrary, she liked having a routine, some sort of anchor in her life. She always had a plan and wanted to stick to it. There was nothing crazy about it, graduate highschool, go to college, find a job. She already did the first part, now she was supposed to go to another state and move in with her boyfriend so she could attend the university of her dreams and he could find a better job. And then everything would be great, just how she had planned it. Except that it wasn’t. Logan had to stay in California because his boss needed him and Ellie had to move here alone. Well, almost alone.

Logan did a few calls and arranged her a room in his old friend’s house. Colt was just a few years older than Ellie and Logan but he already had his own place and apparently nothing against her moving in.

“Here we are,” Logan’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked through the car window. The house was unexpectably big, as for someone who lived alone. Ellie noticed the backyard and smiled at the thought of studying outside. Even though the perspective of being here all alone (and Colt still was a stranger) was freaking her out, she tried to keep calm and be optimistic. At least she didn’t have to pay a lot of money for renting a room; apparently Colt owned Logan a favor. She wanted to know more, what kind of favor and what he did but Logan said it was something from the past and it didn’t matter.

Cautiously studying the area, she walked up to the door. Logan leaned down and retrived the key from behind the flower pot. He opened the door and Ellie met with the saddest interior of the house she ever saw. The house was pretty much empty. No decorations, only the most important pieces of furniture. It looked as if no one even lived there.

“Your friend must be a fan of minimalism I see. I hope there’s a bed in my room at least,” she said to Logan who only smiled at her in response.

“He must be out somewhere. Probably will be back later. But I do know which room is yours so let me show you!” He took her suitcase and led her up the stairs to her new bedroom.

Taking in the empty space around, she had a pretty clear picture of what Colt would be like. She was thankful Logan would stay the first night here with her so she didn’t have to meet her new suitmate on her own.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” she pouted when they were finally in her bedroom, just as empty as the rest of the house, but at least with a bed and a closet in it.

“I’m gonna miss you, too, Ellie,” Logan turned to her and kissed her softly. When they parted, he looked at her sad face and shook his head. “You know how I wish I could stay here with you. Be with you on your first day of school. But I have a good job back at home and I–”

“No, I understand. I’m just bummed cause I thought we were going to live together and have our own little house.”

“There’s always next year, Ellie. I promise we’ll have our own house one day,” he kissed her forehead and they went back to unpacking. When she was all set, Logan showed her where the bathroom was and she took a shower, wondering how this whole Colt guy didn’t even have a mirror in his bathroom. Was this house a museum? Did he even spend time here? Well, I hope yes, cause I don’t want to live alone in this big house.

Colt still didn’t show up when they both went to sleep, Ellie’s head on Logan’s chest. She was trying to remember how his skin felt on her skin, remember his scent, so perfectly Logan, so perfectly home.

When she woke up, Logan was still asleep and quietly, she left the room to make breakfast. She noticed the door to the room next to hers was slighly open so she decided to take a quick peek inside. Nothing surprised her, however, because apart from a few shirts on the bed, some magazines on the table, the room was just as empty as hers.

Sighing, she left the room and headed downstairs. She really needed coffee. As she entered the kitchen, someone was already there. No, not just someone. It must be Colt.

“Hey! You must be Colt!” she started cheerfully, extending her hand for him to shake. He turned to her and eyed her up with amusement in his eyes but didn’t take her hand.

“Hey, stranger. Coffee?”

“Sorry! I’m Ellie! I’m Logan’s girlfriend! We arrived yesterday but you weren’t here! I hope it’s okay! Thanks for the coffee!” Why am I yelling? Why is my voice so… squeaky?

“Yea, I figured,” he chuckled and took a sip of his coffee.

“We took a room next to yours, I hope it’s okay, too! Logan is leaving today, he was here only for one night,” she tried to explain and he raised an eyebrow.

“Not like that!!! Don’t worry, we didn’t sleep together like this, we just slept, you know, with our eyes closed, and– oh my gosh,” Why am I so awkward!!!! Her cheeks reddened with embarrassment as she watched Colt with, was it smile on his face?

“It’s okay, I don’t care,” he said before placing his mug in the dishwasher.

“No, really, we decided to wait,” she added and wanted to facepalm herself the second she heard what came out of her mouth. Why am I telling him this!!!!

“I really don’t care, stranger.” He saw Logan entering the kitched and nodded towards him, “How do you stop your little girlfriend from talking to me about your sex life?”

“She what?!” Logan’s eyes widened as he turned towards Ellie.

“I’m sorry, I had a word vomit, I only said I wasn’t ready so we’re waiting because I didn’t want him to think we don’t know how to behave when I said we spent the night here and– Oh my gosh, I need to stop,” she covered her mouth with her hand and left the kitchen. Why do I have to be so awkward? Why, Ellie, why??

Logan joined her after a moment. “Are you sure you can stay here alone? Maybe I should just resign and–”

“No, I’m fine,” she snuggled closer to him and he put his hands around her waist. “I just hate meeting new people. I’m not really good at this.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he kissed her hair and chuckled. “You really shared too much.”

She groaned, “Is it too late to find a new apartment?”

~~~~

The day passed more quickly than Ellie would want it to. After taking a long walk around the neighborhood with Logan, it was time for him to go. She was about to stay here alone, far away from home, from her family, her friends and now from her boyfriend too.

“I really wish you didn’t have to go,” Ellie sighed, handing a backpack to her boyfriend.

“Me too, love. Me too.” He stopped to kiss her and she put her arms around his neck.

“I promise I’ll be visiting you as often as I can! I have a few days off next week, I’ll visit you. And I’ll be here for our anniversary next month. You’re coming home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so it shouldn’t be that bad!”

“Yeah, but not seeing you every single day sucks,” she pouted and Logan kissed her lips again.

“I promise it’s not gonna be that bad. Just focus on school and call me anytime you want, okay?”

She nodded and they kissed again before Logan got in the car and closed the door. When his car finally disappeared, she heard her phone ring. She smiled seeing a message from Logan.

“Miss you already, troublemaker xx”

~~~~

“Good morning! Coffee?” she greeted Colt who just entered the kitchen. He looked at her suspiciously but took the mug from her.

“Why are up so early? I thought your classes don’t start until ten,” he asked and she noticed how hoarse his voice sounded. He clearly just woke up, not only his voice indicated that but also his hair and his pajamas. Or rather the lack of it. He didn’t even bother to cover himself, he was wearing only his boxers and Ellie had to use all her willpower to look elsewhere.

“I couldn’t sleep, I’m so nervous I might throw up. Whoops, sorry, too much information, again,” she mentally facepalmed herself. Do I have any self control?

“S’okay, I think I already made peace with your oversharing tendencies,” he said and headed towards the living room. Ellie took her mug and followed him.

“What about you? Why are you up so early? What job do you have?” she wanted to get to know her new roomate a little but he only shot her an annoyed look.

“Are you investigating me?”

“No, sorry! I just thought since I already told you so much about myself so I thought–” “I didn’t ask you to tell me anything about yourself,” he interrupted her. “And there’s no need for me to tell you anything. We just live in the same house, we’re not friends or anything. You don’t have to talk to me.”

She wanted to say something but she was so taken aback by his coldness that she just stood there, watching him leave the room. Her phone brought her back to reality with a new message from Logan:

“Good morning! I love and miss you! Kick ass on your first day at uni xx”

She smiled but before she could type the reply, her phone rang again with another message from her boyfriend:

“Attaching a photo of me so you can’t say you didn’t see me today. Love you!”

Ellie quickly saved the picture and stared at it for longer than necessary. She missed Logan so much but that message comforted her. Even though she was alone in a different state, even though she was just about to start a new chapter of her life, and even though she was stuck with a human definition of pain in the ass, she knew she had Logan’s love and support and with that, she could survive anything.

With a bit more confidence, she marched into her room to pick a perfect outfit for the first day of the new chapter of her life.

[snapchattingnct]

“...forever...”

Zhong Chenle x Reader

Genre: Heartbreak / Long Distance AU / Angst

Word Count: 1K

Warning(s): sad hours open.

Notes: Continuing the NCT Dream (+Mark) #DNYL Series, here’s Chenle’s fic. For our loud dolphin, hung up over his ex. And it’s almost 4am, so please excuse any mistakes I missed. - K 🌱

Once the flight attendant left him alone, Chenle leaned his head against the window with a long sigh. With the volume of his airpods turned all the way up, he tried to tune out the sound of his heart breaking in half as the plane prepared for take off. He watched as the buildings turn into nothing but little dots on the ground and then it disappeared into nothing at all. In its place, big fluffy, white clouds filled his line of vision. When it did, he couldn’t help but smile sadly because it reminded him of you and your love for vanilla ice cream.

You had always had a pretty big sweet tooth, but you especially loved all the candy he would bring when he came to visit you. When you came to visit him in Shanghai for the first time, the first place that Chenle had taken you to was the little candy shop down the street from his house. The aunty there was thrilled to have seen the day that he would bring a girl home, so she showered you with all kinds of sweets. During your short stay, you had visited that candy shop almost every day. It had become your favorite. It had also become Chenle’s favorite.

Now, looking down at the candy in his lap, Chenle didn’t think he could every visit that place again. At least not for a long time. There were too many memories that he shared with you there. It would hurt too much.

Chenle felt his eyes burning with unshed tears as your guys’ song began playing in his ears. Taking a shaky breath, he looked down at his phone, running a thumb over the wallpaper of his lockscreen. It was a picture of you, smiling so brightly at the camera.

He had taken it when you guys had went to the amusement park together. You were trying to persuade him into going on the merry-go-round instead of those scary roller coasters that he wanted to go to. He remembered how you squealed at the sight of the drop of the roller coaster and immediately ran as far away as you could from the entrance of the line. He chased after you laughing and thinking that you were the cutest thing in the entire world. And that was when he decided to take a picture of you in that moment.

Your eyes were closed shut with glee, your smile as big as the sun. An adorable bear headband was on the top of your head as you did a small peace sign. The wind had caused a mess of your head, making it tumble over your shoulder messily, but it was still perfect to him.

You were every inch of perfection in his eyes. Chenle didn’t see a single flaw in you. He just couldn’t find one. But apparently you did in him.

What was supposed to be a cute reunion ended up with his heart being broken in half.

Chenle saw the signs though. He did. He just chose to ignore all the red flags that began to pop up during the past couple months of your guys’ relationship. The missed calls, the canceled late night Facetimes, the bored tone you had each time you did answered, the unread messages. He had a feeling but he just thought that you two would work it out in the end. Which was why he had booked the next flight out to you the first chance he got. Because for one, Chenle had missed you dearly. And second, he needed to fix this distance that was starting to form between the two of you.

He had spent the whole plane ride over going through every scenario possible. He even mentally prepared himself on what to say, how to react, what to get you when he arrived. But nothing would have prepared him for what you had said to him the moment you opened the door for him.

“I want to break up, Chenle.”

Just thinking about those words falling from your lips made his heart ache painfully.

Tilting his head back in his seat, he stared at the ceiling of the plane, trying to keep his tears from escaping.

The two of you had been so close, practically inseparable. He was your other half and you were his. From the moment he woke up, you were the only thing to fill his thoughts as he would always send you a good morning text. He was the only thing on your mind bright and early too because you would always reply back with a good morning text of your own, not even seconds after he sent his. Phone calls or Facetimes with each other were never just a couple minutes. They were hours upon hours long. They weren’t just filled with mindless conversations. They were filled with laughs and full of love. It made it feel like you were right there with each other as you did the daily things in each of your lives, from studying to cooking to eating to watching tv.

Glancing back down at his phone, he unlocked it and tapped on his photos album, which were filled with photos of just you. With each picture he swiped passed, the heavier his heart felt because they were nothing but memories of the past now. There was no chance to create newer ones anymore because you were gone.

Chenle had always thought that you were the one and his forever. He had thought since the first day that he had met you, in the lecture hall of the school he had decided to study abroad at. Chenle was sure that he would have you by his side until the end of time. He was so sure of it.

But as he continued to scroll through the pictures of you on his phone, and the unread messages he had left for you, waiting for you to reply, Chenle guess that he was wrong.

[ewankoseyo]

magnetic || jinyoung pt. 4

A/N: Part 4 is finally here! I’m sorry it took so long, work has been really busy and I’d hit some writer’s block before, but here it is! Thank you so much for being patient with me. I hope everything with the variety show aspect of this chapter makes sense. Part 5 will most likely be the last part of this series so stay tuned! Kita kits!

——

You were 13 when your brother proudly introduced his friend Park Jinyoung to the family. 

The two of them had come home from a meeting at the company and your mom told Jinyoung to stay for dinner. You stifled back a laugh when you shook Jinyoung’s hand for the first time. He had the silliest haircut, as if someone had put a ruler and protractor against his face so they could get the edges completely straight. 

Jinyoung seemed like a nice enough guy. He politely answered your parents questions, telling them where he grew up, what his family looked like, what his parents did for a living, how he got into music—answering the usual questions your parents asked whenever meeting one of your or Jaebum’s friends. You listened quietly, never one to speak up when Jaebum’s friends were around unless they spoke to you directly, because you felt it wasn’t your place to say anything. Jinyoung hadn’t initiated anything with you but you thought nothing of it. You were content with just listening to the conversation. 

The meal continued without incident, the two boys describing to your parents what their upcoming schedules were looking like, until Jaebum made a joke about Jinyoung’s voice cracking during vocal practices earlier that day.

“I can’t help it if my voice cracks,” Jinyoung replied calmly, looking over at Jaebum with a slight glint of mischief in his eyes. “Kind of like how you can’t help tripping over your own feet even when you’re not dancing.”

Completely caught off guard by the boy’s sharp tongue, you broke out in laughter. You had pegged Jinyoung as a soft-spoken, calm and polite boy, unaware of how snarky and quick-witted he could be as well. Unfortunately, you were in the middle of drinking water when Jinyoung took a jab at your brother, and as a result, Jinyoung was now glaring at you across the dinner table, water droplets dripping down his face and on his clothes.

“Sorry...” you apologized with a nervous laugh as your mom handed him some napkins while scolding you for being unladylike. “That was just...really funny...”

You knew it would be a while until Jinyoung would ever come back for another family dinner. 

You were 17 when you realized your crush on Jinyoung was no longer just a crush.

A friend had told you she read in an article somewhere that when a crush surpasses four months, it meant that you were “in love.” Four years must have meant you had it bad. 

No, you couldn’t be in love with Jinyoung. This was just a stupid school girl crush that you were going to get over (you tell yourself for the millionth time.) Besides, you only say you’re in love with someone when you’re already in a relationship with them. And you weren’t. Unfortunately. The guy barely talked to you passed hi’s and bye’s when you saw him. You also didn’t get the warmest vibes from Jinyoung, but you attributed it to the fact that you only really saw him when he and the other members were dead tired from practicing. The upcoming debut was probably taking a huge toll on them. 

Jinyoung was still your brother’s closest friend, and that was all you needed to know that he was a good guy. Take that and add how great of a singer and dancer he was, his passion and dedication in his work, how supportive he was with his other members (despite the occasional roasts,) his quick wit, his love of reading, and how great he was with kids etc. etc. and you had the ultimate recipe for a full-fledged crush.

But is this love? You wondered to yourself as you watched the boys practicing a routine through the glass window. You were waiting for Jaebum to finish dance practice as you were his ride home. You didn’t realize that by gaining the freedom granted by a driver’s license you would also be granted the responsibility of being your brother’s chauffeur (you needed the car more than he did,) but you couldn’t complain too much. At least you’d get to see Jinyoung. And the other members, of course.

 You watched Jinyoung laugh as Yugyeom messes up his moment in a routine, the crinkles by his eyes out and proud. Though it wasn’t directed towards you, you couldn’t help but feel slight tugs at your heartstrings. 

You sighed to yourself. Everything about him seemed absolutely cute and attractive, even with the stupid haircut, and that’s how you knew it was love. 

Jinyoung was about to pass by you as the group filed out of the studio, finally done for the day, when he stops in his tracks and turns to where you’re sitting and waiting. 

“Hey.”

You slowly look up from your phone after a beat, realizing that everyone else had left and he was still standing there...addressing you?

“Oh hi Jinyoung, sorry I thought you were talking to someone else...”

“I just wanted to congratulate you,” he states, disregarding your admission. “Jaebum mentioned earlier that you got accepted into that really prestigious American university yesterday. Congrats.”

“Ah I see...” you nodded slowly. “Thank you.”

“You must have worked very hard to get in,” Jinyoung continued. You two looked at each other for a moment, expecting the other to say something else but silence remained in the air. He knew he should have just told Jaebum to pass his congrats on to you. “Anyway congrats again, and you two get home safely.” Jinyoung nodded, giving you a brief tight-lipped smile before following the direction of the other boys. 

As you exhaled the breath you were unaware that you were holding and started to text Jaebum to see where he wandered off to, you were absolutely sure it was love. 

You were 22 when you felt like you were falling apart.

Sure this might be a silly memory you’ll laugh about years later, but right now, everything just hurt so much. You hadn’t gotten any sleep after overhearing Jinyoung’s conversation with Mark. You spent the whole night tossing and turning in bed, replaying the the scene over and over again. How were you going to face him the next day? He didn’t know you’d overheard, but you weren’t as good of an actor as he was. How were you supposed to act like everything was okay after finding out one of your worst fears was actually true?

But you have no choice but to pretend, you thought to yourself as you slowly got ready for the day. Brushing out the tangles from your hair and applying enough foundation to conceal the hurt you felt, you were determined to at least appear okay. After shooting, you could go back to your room and wallow in self-loathing for the rest of the day. You weren’t about to ruin a whole broadcast just because your stupid schoolgirl heartbreak was getting in the way of your normal functioning.

You weren’t going to ruin the boys�� trip and you couldn’t give Jinyoung another reason to hate you.

So putting on a brave face as you went downstairs to join everyone for that day’s filming, you mentally prepared yourself to act like you weren’t dying on the inside. It seemed to fool Jaebum, who happily greeted you with pastry to eat for breakfast. A part of you felt guilty. You were lucky to have Jaebum as a brother, always doting on you ever since you were kids even though he wasn’t much older than you. He made sure you ate well and always answered your phone calls even when he was busy half a world away. Jaebum told you everything and likewise, expected you to be upfront with him and to always come to him for advice. It would hurt him to find out that you were hurting and he didn’t know about it. 

But this wasn’t something you could share with Jaebum. You already hated talking to him about boys, but this was a whole different beast. So you felt it was probably best to just keep this from him. There was also no use in troubling him with something so trivial. 

Soon the staff had you all get into your pairs in a line to prepare for filming. They were going to announce the winners of the photo challenge and prepare for the next challenge. Jinyoung came over to you, greeting you with a smile.

“Morning, ready for today?” 

You simply hummed in reply, a small smile quirked on your lips. Jinyoung thought it was a little strange how you didn’t look at him and instead had your eyes glued to a spot on the ground. Usually you were the one coming up to him and addressing him first when you had to gather into your teams. Come to think of it, you were uncharacteristically quiet since you came down. He shook off the thought as he listened to the staff’s instructions for the shoot. You were probably still waking up. Yesterday had been a pretty busy day so you must have been dead tired. 

“We will now be announcing the winners of yesterday’s photo challenge. Let’s take a look at the pictures you all took!”

Going through everyone else’s adventures was a nice distraction. A blanket-cladded Yugyeom as ET had managed to stuff himself into a bike basket as Mark struggled to pedal the bike they were both on. Your brother somehow got Jackson to let him hoist him over a seemingly high cliff to reenact the famous Lion King scene—but Jackson mostly complied because the staff let him strip down to his boxers to play a baby Mufasa. Bambam and Youngjae (though they had the funniest segment, everyone had deemed it by far the least creative) had spent the whole day in a Target, creating discount reenactments of their movies with whatever they could find. They only succeeded in recreating three movie scenes, as an employee had to kick them out of the store due to a “complaint from other customers about a disturbance in the toy section.” Seeing that they did just three reenactments and you could only really tell what scenes they were recreating when they explained them (“So Hyung put on a really scary tiger mask, symbolizing the Beast, and I found a yellow dress in the kids section, and this is supposed to be us dancing in the ballroom but pretend the produce aisle is the ballroom, OBVIOUSLY.”) it was unanimous that Bambam and Youngjae had lost the challenge. 

“You guys just don’t have the same artistic eye that we do!”

You and Jinyoung’s segment was met with "ooh”s and questionable yet excited looks from the other boys (a very confused Jaebum kept asking Yugyeom what everyone was going on about, but Yugyeom just kept shushing him.) Jackson waggled his eyebrows knowingly at you during the part where you grabbed Jinyoung’s hands to place them on your waist. You shook your head frantically and gave Jackson a look to keep quiet before averting your eyes back to the ground. You tried to think of something else in an attempt to tune out all the “aww”s that would erupt whenever something everyone deemed “cute” happened on the screen.  

You couldn’t dare to look at Jinyoung’s expression. With the way everyone was making a big deal about your pictures (Bambam demanded to have several copies of the Lady and the Tramp picture as a reminder of what “true love looks like,”) Jinyoung had to know how much you liked him. Remembering his harsh words from last night just added salt to the open wound. 

“I think we have the winners of yesterday’s challenge!”

All of the pictures were laid out and judging from everyone’s reactions, it was decided that you and Jinyoung had won. Jinyoung held up his hand to you for a high-five, which you returned but your eyes still didn’t meet his. Come to think of it, you never actually said a word to him when you all were going through everyone’s segments. Whenever he’d make a side comment about one of the boys, you would just silently nod, your eyes never leaving the screen. Jinyoung found your silence kind of weird, but then again, he had always found you pretty weird. 

He tried not to think about what this could have meant, but he couldn’t shake the equally weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

——

Luckily for you, the next challenge was a divide-and-conquer task.

Unluckily for you and Jinyoung, this challenge put your prize from the last challenge at stake. For winning the photo challenge, you guys had been awarded 200 dollars to share. If you won this next challenge, the staff would double that wager, earning the both of you 400 dollars. If you and Jinyoung lost this challenge, the winners would get your 400 dollars, and you and Jinyoung would be forced to spend the day handcuffed together. Since you two had done so well together on the last challenge, the staff thought it would be funny to get the other boys riled up and gang up against you. 

For the next challenge, the member who was not fluent in English from each team was tasked with buying an outfit that suited their English-speaking member from a sponsoring store. The non-fluent members had to find the store themselves, but they could still communicate with with their fluent teammate (who would be monitoring them from the hotel) if they needed help. The only hard part was that no Korean was allowed—the non-fluent members had to find their way around only speaking English, and likewise the fluent members could only speak English when helping them.

Thankfully Jinyoung was probably the most fluent in English out of the four non-fluent members so you really didn’t need to talk to him at all. Jackson spouted words of encouragement next to you to Jaebum over the phone as you all watched Jaebum through the monitor quietly rehearse to himself how he was going to hail a taxi and ask it to take him to the store. Youngjae had asked a local for directions but they were talking too fast for him to understand (wanting to be polite, Youngjae just smiled and nodded) so Bambam was slowly repeating the directions back to him. Yugyeom and Mark were currently bickering over the pronunciation of certain words (“But if it’s not ‘BU-ying,’ why is there a u?!”)

Jinyoung, having navigated to the store without a problem, was the first one to start shopping. He quickly found the women’s section and started perusing through the items.

“You wear these usually?” Jinyoung asked suddenly, shaking you out of a daze. He hadn’t needed any help so you were just watching the others directing their teammates on the phone. Jinyoung was standing in a streetwear section and held up a long-sleeved crop top to his cameraman so you could see it on your end. The piece he held up was definitely something similar to what was in your luggage.

“Uh, c-correct,” you stuttered out. Jackson noticed your nervous response and gave you the same knowing look he sent your way earlier. You elbowed his ribs in response and shot him a dirty look. You still didn’t know how to talk to Jinyoung normally so you figured you would keep your responses (if what he was saying absolutely needed a response) as short as possible. 

“How about...a dress?” 

“Um sure, whichever,” you tried to reply nonchalantly. Mark and Bambam had now taken notice to your exchange and joined Jackson in watching Jinyoung picking out an outfit for you. You tried to shove Bambam away as he smirked at you and playfully nudged your side. The three boys gave you teasing looks and would feign a silent gasp whenever Jinyoung picked up and looked at a new item. You just gave them a look commanding them to cut it out, trying to refrain from making any noise so Jinyoung wouldn’t ask you what was going on. Fortunately they returned to communicating with their teammates when they were called back for help.

“Hi, can I help you with anything?” An employee had approached Jinyoung as he rifled through a rack of dresses.

“Oh, is there...in red?” Jinyoung asked slowly after mentally translating his question. He held up a light-blue off-the-shoulder floral sundress.

“Yes, I believe it’s going to be on the other side of this rack,” the employee replied, guiding him around the rack he was looking at. Sure enough, there was a red version of the dress he spotted. Jinyoung thanked the employee, happily taking the dress off the rack. “Is this a gift?”

“Yeah, a gift,” Jinyoung nodded. 

“For your girlfriend?”

The three boys next to you heard this and immediately averted their attention back to Jinyoung on the screen. You felt the heat rise to your face and you wished you could just run back to your room and bury yourself in your sheets. Jinyoung seemed taken aback by the women’s inquiry, scratching the back of his neck nervously with his free hand. His mouth opened and closed as he attempted to form a reply. 

“Ahaha uh, just uh, friend,” he answered back with a nervous laugh before clearing his throat. “Where are the shoes?”

With the help of the employee (who thankfully did not press on about who he was shopping for,) Jinyoung managed to find shoes and accessories to go along with your outfit. He hadn’t run into any of the members while shopping (probably because he had to shop in the women’s section) and he was glad he didn’t. With the prize at stake, Jinyoung knew the other boys would have somehow tried to sabotage him if they saw him. 

As they watched Jinyoung check out the items and exit out of the store, Jackson, Mark, and Bambam remembered that they were supposed to be helping their teammates and not focusing on the tv drama that made up Jinyoung’s screen (though you were sure the editors would most likely edit you and Jinyoung’s segment that way for the actual broadcast.)

“Yugyeom hurry, Jinyoung already walked out of the store!”

“Just buy whatever already JB, I look good in everything, just go to checkout!”

“Hyung MOVE!”

Even though you still felt the awkwardness with Jinyoung, seeing the others’ frenzied reactions instilled a sense of urgency in you too.

“Jinyoung, hurry and get on the next cab over here, the other boys know you left!”

As he picked up the pace to flag down a taxi, Jinyoung turned to the camera following next to him and smiled, knowing you were watching. “On my way!”

Well-aware of the cameras also on you, you scrunched your face up so you seemed thoughtful, in an attempt to hide how his boyish response really made you feel. 

Soon enough, you all heard the front door of the hotel suite beeping, signaling the arrival of the winning team member. And sure enough, Jinyoung walked into the room looking smugly over at Jackson, Mark, and Bambam, who were now groaning at their inevitable loss. With Jinyoung standing before you, you’d lost your voice all over again. You stood up hesitantly but smiled, holding out your hand to your teammate for a high-five. 

Ignoring your gesture, Jinyoung immediately dropped his bags and ran over to you to pick you up into a celebratory hug. 

“Oh!”

“We did it!” He rejoiced, spinning you in around in a circle before putting you back down. “We just made 400 dollars!”

Perhaps it was from the sudden rotation, though you were sure it was from the unfamiliar warm gesture, but you felt like your head was spinning. Now it was as if your whole body was on fire and you seemed to have forgotten how to speak in any language other than gibberish. You finally looked up at Jinyoung, who grinned at you proudly before letting you go to pick up the shopping bags he dropped. 

“You should take a look at the outfit, see if it fits okay.”

You stared on at Jinyoung, slowly processing the last few moments. It was all so confusing. Park Jinyoung was the literal definition of an enigma. You had no idea what was going on in his head. He only spoke to you when he absolutely had to and you were also too nervous with your crush to really initiate anything. Yesterday you had hung out like old friends, last night he basically ranted to Mark about how he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as you, and now he was picking you up and hugging you like you were the world.

Kind of like how someone who loved you would. 

Jinyoung pulled out the sundress and handed it to you. “I got you wedges, a necklace, and a sunhat that I thought would go along with it. Hope you like it.” 

You rubbed the material between your fingers, trying to think of what to say. You hadn’t said anything to him since he came in. Why does Actor Park feel the need to act up so much today?

“So, uh, why red?”

“Because red looks good on you,” the boy simply replied, without skipping a beat.

——

Jackson was leaving the suite when he spotted you walking in the hallway of the hotel. It seems you were returning from the vending machine, sipping on a soda as your feet dragged on the carpet. You were walking in a daze with your face completely blank, but Jackson knew that meant you had a lot on your mind. He started jogging over to you.

“HEY!” You were broken out of your thoughts as Jackson stopped in front of you. “You should have grabbed me a snack too!”

“Ahh...sorry...” You looked down, nodding slowing. You moved to walk back to the suite when Jackson gently grabbed your arm and pulled you back.

“I’m just joking,” he grinned before putting on a more serious face. “Are you okay? You just seem...upset today and a lot quieter than usual. What’s up?” 

You stared back at Jackson’s concerned expression, contemplating how to respond. The ever-empathetic Jackson Wang could read you like a book, so you knew there was no use in pretending you were fine.

“I’m just...so confused...”

“About what? Jinyoung?” You nodded. “What’s the problem? It seems like you guys have gotten closer in the last two days. He freakin’ hugged you earlier! The you from the beginning of this week would have been over the moon!” Jackson grinned as his teasing earned a small smile from you. 

“But that’s the thing though,” you responded, returning your gaze back to the floor. “He’s never hugged me before.”

“Maybe he’s finally warming up to you.”

“Jackson, I overheard him talking to Mark last night...” You braced yourself. As the conversation resurfaced in your memory and you attempted to voice it out loud, you could feel yourself getting choked up. “He—I know Jinyoung hates me...”

“What?! What’d he say?”

“He basically said that he can’t focus with me here and that it’s been difficult having to put up with me all these years,” you replied with a sigh. “And I really thought we had a breakthrough yesterday. Then today, he was just being really nice, talking about how red looks good on me, but I know it was all just for the cameras. And just remembering that his nice words were just for show a-and that’d...he’d n-never actually say them to me in real life, I just—Jackson, I can’t do this anymo—”

You broke into a sob before you could finish and Jackson immediately pulled you into his arms, rubbing small circles on your back soothingly. It hurt him so much to see you look so broken. You were always a cheery girl, knowing just what to say when one of the members were feeling down. Seeing the one person who always seemed optimistic despite the situation actually coming apart before him left Jackson at a loss. 

You sniffled as you picked your face off of his chest. “Sorry...now you’re shirt’s all wet.”

He smiled, patting the back of your head lightly. There you were—still cracking a joke even though you felt awful. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Jackson,” you inhaled deeply, trying to stifle the extra sobs threatening to escape. “This is just so stupid, I don’t understand why I like him so much,” you continued. “I’m just...so tired of never being enough for him.”

Jackson gave you a sympathetic look before slinging an arm around your shoulders. “You know, I was just about to go down to the gym. Come with me and you can rant all you want while I work out. And maybe if there’s a punching bag, you could blow off some steam!” 

You giggled, gently shoving Jackson in the chest before wrapping your arms around his waist. Jackson was the only person you could really open up to about these things. You went to him when it came to boys while you went to Jaebum when it came to everything else. Though he could be goofy, it was just Jackson’s way of making you feel better when you felt like crap. You appreciated how great he was at listening and he only gave you advice when you sought it out. And even though he was known as the loudest member, you could always count on him to keep your secrets. 

Jinyoung was coming out of the suite when he noticed you and Jackson at the end of the hallway waiting for the elevator. As you snuggled closer to Jackson, there it was again.

Twisting and turning.

——

Park Jinyoung was never one to initiate conversation. Those who want to talk to him will and really, to him, those were the only interactions that mattered. 

But after his talk with Mark the night before, Jinyoung figured there was a first time for everything. And when he found you alone in the kitchen at midnight, Jinyoung felt that time was now. 

“Hey.”

Startled from the sudden break in silence, you jumped in your place, nearly dropping the glass of water you were holding. “Oh, I didn’t hear you coming.”

Jinyoung couldn’t help but chuckle at your frightened expression. You always did have a tendency to jump easily. “I actually came to get some water too.” 

“Ah...”

Silence returned to the kitchen as Jinyoung went to fix himself a glass. Tension filled the air, yet there was a sense of familiarity in the tension. Kind of like...the times when he’d be over at Jaebum’s house and the older boy would leave him alone with you in the living room while he went to go shower or something. The obligation to say something to one another would permeate the air as Jaebum would call from his room to “just entertain each other.” 

Perhaps there needed to be a break in familiarity. 

“Can we talk?”

“Huh?” Jinyoung didn’t think it was possible for your big doe eyes to get any bigger, but his suggestion to you seemed to prove him wrong. 

“Sorry, that sounded really serious, not really what I wanted to say,” Jinyoung cleared his throat, shifting on his feet. He hadn’t really thought this through. “I mean, do you want to grab ice cream with me from the shop downstairs? I’ve got a craving and you’re awake so...”

“Jinyoung,”

“Hmm?” Now Jinyoung was looking at you with wide eyes. You had said his name with an edge he had never heard before. 

You sighed, looking around the room before returning back to him. Jinyoung suddenly felt paralyzed under your gaze. There was an uncharacteristic iciness  in your eyes. “We aren’t filming anymore.”

“So...”

“You can stop pretending to be nice to me.”

A nervous laugh escaped his lips. “W-what do you mean by ‘pretend—”

“Stop toying with me Jinyoung!” He jolted at your outburst, his response dying on his lips. You were fuming, shaking in your thoughts. “I heard you and Mark talking last night.” 

“No...wait...” Jinyoung found himself taking a step towards you, holding his arms out to you. He didn’t understand himself what he was intending to do. You took a step back and signaled for him to not come any closer before hanging your head down.

“Jinyoung, I get it,” you sighed again. “You don’t like me. You never have.” 

Jinyoung took another step towards you as he heard you choke on your words, but you held your hand out to stop him again.

“Stop! I’m—” You stopped yourself to take a deep breath. You couldn’t cry in front of him. You had gotten all the crying out with Jackson already. “I know...you only put up with me because...I-I’m your best friend’s little sister so you don’t need to be so buddy-buddy with me even if it’s just for the cameras.” 

Twisting and turning.

You paused to take another breath. “When I was in school, I used to fantasize about the day you’d start treating me better and like me back,” you mused bitingly, averting your gaze to the lights. Despite your best efforts, a tear had escaped but you quickly wiped it away before it could cascade down your cheek. “I was so...stupid to think we could be anything more than-than a fantasy. But just tell me one thing Jinyoung,” you hissed at him. “Why do you hate me so much? What about me drives you crazy? What about me makes it so hard for you to put up with me?”

The tears now flowed carelessly down your face as you awaited his response. 

It took everything in Jinyoung to not bring his hand up to wipe them away. 

“I...I don’t know...”

You shook your head slowly, a bitter smile creeping its way on your lips. “I shouldn’t try so hard, right? ‘Cause I’ll never be good enough for you.”

Jinyoung knew should have stopped you. He should have followed you to your room. He should have banged on your door begging you to let him explain. 

But he stood there frozen in his spot and at a loss for words as you finished your drink and bid him a short “good night” before heading back to your room.

As Jinyoung heard your door close shut, the sensation in his stomach that he’d grown almost accustomed to had left, replaced with a new tugging feeling at his heartstrings. 

——

[twohearts-hs]

‘An Office Affair Vl’ - CEO!Harry Series

Words: 3,194

Pairing: Harry Styles & (Y/N) (Y/L/N)

CEO Harry Series - please request part 7, plus ideas. I need ideas!

Warning(s): Swearing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

She woke up from a blaring next to her; the ringing hitting her hard. She groaned from the disturbance, and rolled over, copying the everyday action. She tried finding the alarm clock, but hit a body instead, instantly opening her eyes. Memories flood back from the previous night, and she realised that Harry was sleeping on her side of the bed. (Y/N) rolled over, hovering over him, as she turned off the alarm.

“Turn that bloody thing off.” she heard a groan from underneath her, as she turned it off.

(Y/N) rolled back to her spot, placing her hands on her face, and kneading her eyes, rubbing them. It was too early in the morning for her, half past seven, and she had no interest to head to work. Her hands removed from her eyes, and she realised the smeared black across them.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” she stated, rolling out the bed and hitting the ground. The thump waking up Harry. She lied on the floor; in a daydream where she got her coffee in her system.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she heard the low voice that was above her. Seconds later his head came to her viewing, him looking at her.

“I fell.” she got up, heading towards the bathroom, beginning with her normal routine.

Harry laughed from her bed from her actions, rubbing his face with his palms. It was too early for him, he had no interest in even moving, yet he had too. Therefore he got up, and grabbed his boxers from the floor of her bedroom, and followed where she went; the bathroom. The hallway to it was bare. There was no family pictures or at least friends, he turned the corner to the bathroom door, opening it and closing it in.

“What do you want?” he heard her behind the shower curtain. He tried his best with closing the door gently, but the echoing of the wood creaking must’ve caught her attention.

“God, you’re being sassy. I don’t like it,” he replied, removing his undergarments and opening the shower curtain. (Y/N) quickly covered herself, glaring at him.

“I’ve seen you naked before, don’t be such an embarrassed wimp,” he said, getting into the half shower, half bath.

“Not like this, Harry.” she groaned turning away to grab her shampoo, “Can’t you just go home, change your suit and shit, since you start in almost three hours.” he laughed, grabbing the bottle from her.

“I could, but that doesn’t mean I want too,” he replied, snickering.

The rest of the shower was silent, there was the attentional touch of her hip with his hand or the rubbing of her back. It made her a bit uncomfortable, but she ignored the feeling. She wondered, did he do this to his other interns? The ones he banged before. She was too scared to ask. Therefore she got out, heading to her room to place some professional clothes on, she just threw on a skirt and shirt and placing her normal amount of makeup.

Harry followed her after, grabbing and replacing his suit on, but left the shirt buttoned down a bit. He followed her to her kitchen, watching her make a cup of coffee.

“Screw that, babe. You can be late for work, let’s get breakfast together,” he said, walking up behind her, and placing his hand on her hip. She turned around seeing the smug look on his face; he tried not to look at the hickeys she still had formed on her neck, wanting to keep it a secret.

“No, Harry. I have to go to work, you see what I live in, I need to money, ok. You may be my boss, but outside of the workplace you’re not, so you can’t make those decisions.” she told him, pouring the coffee into its mug.

(Y/N) tried removing herself from the grip on her hip, but Harry wouldn’t push. Her stomach was hitting the side of the counter, and he stood behind her.

“You will listen to me.” she tried to hold every little bit of annoyance anger inside her and turned around, face to face with him.

“You’re not the boss of me; I’m going to work,” she said, pushing him a bit, but he stood his ground.

“I am the fucking boss of you, and you will answer.” she rolled her eyes, “Did you just fucking roll your eyes at me? You cheeky little bugger, you make me so mad sometimes.” his lips went in a smirk as his hands glided down to her butt, grabbing in. Now was his weak point, she pushed past him, grabbing her bag on her way.

“Harry I am going to fucking work, you better like it. Plus get the fuck out of my house.” he rolled his eyes, grabbing his phone, keys and wallet and walking past her.

“Can I at least drive you?” he said, walking down the hall.

“No.” it came out bitter, yet he took a breather to ignore the attitude behind it.

“I’m driving you, then.” she stopped in her tracks, seeing him walk off for a few metres before he realises she is not following.

“Come on,” he said, little more sternly than he hoped.

“No.” she looked at him, not moving.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, (Y/N). Don’t do this now,” he said, throwing his hands up and running it through his hair.

“No,” she said again looking at him, seeing his tiny mental break down, “I am not one of your “minions” or little fucks. I’m a person, Harry, and you just can’t control me. So when you learn that I have a say in things, and it is not always about you, Styles, then I will possibly say ‘sure’, but for now, I am going by myself on the tube, getting myself breakfast, texting my future, hopefully, boyfriend, and go to work. Where I will see my boss, who will show no signs that he fucked me or he wants to fuck me. It is my turn to be in control.” she finished, walking past him as she bumped his shoulder.

Harry had a grimace look; he didn’t like this attitude. So he walked up to her, brushing her shoulder, and walked the way she was walking.

“Your car was that way, Harry,” she said, not even looking at him.

“I know,” he stated, walking down the road with her.

“Then what are you doing?” she looked confused.

“Going on the tube, getting myself breakfast, texting Addison, and going to work.”

“What is that suppose to mean?” she asked.

“Two can play that game,” he stated, stopping in his tracks and turning to his car.

~

(Y/N) got off the train, looking at her phone and texting Scott that she was sorry about last night, the whole ditching to get Harry to drop her off. But, she kept the whole we fucked thing out. She had no idea how the plan the message or anything, so she simply said, ‘got you coffee x’ to start off. She smiled at the text that she got almost immediately, ‘thanks, babe.’. He called her babe, a smile coming on her chap lips as she walked into the coffee store.

It was a few blocks from the building when she spots, him. Scott was walking the same way she was walking, with his satchel on his hip and he was wearing glasses today, which made her giggle inside.

“Hey, stranger.” she said, running up to him, and bumping his shoulder, “a double shot coffee for you with a hint of sugar and no milk.” she handed him the coffee and him thanking her.

“How was the rest of your night?” she saw in her corner of her eye, Harry getting out of his car, yet she didn’t pay attention.

“Good, I drowned myself in -”

“Cheap red wine?” he finished her sentence.

“You know me too well,” she replied, feeling the kiss on her cheek.

“I know I do.” he pushed back her hair, gently to expose her cheek more.

Scott’s eyes darted towards a few red marks on her neck, one was very vibrant, while the others were a fainter red. It was not just an allergy or a simple mark, but it was a bruise, you could see different shades of colour. Harry listened in the distance, slowly walking behind them, looking at his phone like he was texting someone.

“(Y/N), what are those?” Scott pointed out, her hand instantly flying to her neck, “Are they hickeys?” he was kind of awkwardly chuckling. She managed her purse for her makeup mirror looking at them.

“God no. I burned myself with a curling iron, yesterday. You didn’t see it since my hair was down.” fucking Harry gave her a giant hickey, “Don’t mix wine and a little bit of a hangover with a curling iron, it does not give you the greatest results.” she lied through her teeth, but he chuckled.

They continued talking all the way to his desk, sitting down for a bit, when she saw Harry enter his office from behind. She kept listening in to Scott’s conversation on the football match that he watched last night, till she said a quick ‘goodbye’ with a kiss on his cheek.

“You gave me a fucking hickey!” she yelled once the door closed behind her. Harry sat in his chair, with his feet on his desk. He knew this was coming.

“I’m surprised you didn’t see them this morning,” he stated, coming up to her, and moving her hair gently back. She swatted his hand away.

“Do you know what I had to fucking do to Scott. I had to lie, you idiot.” she groaned, “I had to fucking lie to him, and that is not good for our fucking relationship. I had to tell him I burnt myself with a curling iron, I don’t even fucking curl my hair, you piece of shit.” she was on a rampage, he walked past her, and walked back to her and pushed her down on the chair in front of his desk.

“Oh my lovely, (Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N). A few things, darling, one, I was just claiming what is mine,” he told her, brushing her cheek with his fingers, she stayed still. His lips came to hers gently, and he pulled away, “Second, what the fuck did you just call me?” he smirked at her, coming down to her height.

“I called you a piece of shit, an idiot and a lot more in my mind.” she replied, giving the same smirk back, “Now excuse me.” she was getting up when he pushed her back down.

“What else did you fucking call me?” he said, hand on her chest, pushing her back.

“A lot of words can describe you, Mr Styles, but the ones I was thinking are unsafe for the work environment,” she replied, giving him a smug look.

“Tell me now,” he told her, placing a finger under her chin and bringing it up for her to look at him as he stood up.

“Oh, you know, man-whore, fuckboy, lonely, fuckhead, playboy, scared, selfish, des-” she felt something hit her cheek, making her yelp in pain. It wasn’t hard, but when a hand comes in contact with a piece of skin, you’d react the same.

She shook her head as he just took in his actions, rolling her eyes, and rubbing her cheek.

“(Y/N), oh God, I’m so sorry.” he began, placing his hand on her cheek and her just pushing him away.

“You have no right to touch me.” she got up from the chair, and walked out, heading to the staff room.

She was above mad, therefore she had to do something that will hurt Harry more than it should; she had a plan. With tears in her eyes, but an anger expression on her face, she passed Scott, walking a few steps back to see him. Her hand came in contact with his bicep and pulled him away from the computer.

“What the fuck?” he heard him mutter.

“Shhh.” she turned around, placing her finger on her lips. He was silent immediately.

(Y/N) sat Scott on a chair in the staff room, locking the door and looking at him. This wasn’t like her and she had no idea where to start. But, she wanted to hurt Harry, so she turned around and unlocked the door, just in case. She knew he saw her go to Scott, pull him away from his work and head to the break room with him. It was simple, she knew him too well.

So, she walked up to the couch and straddled him, Scott looked confused. Her knees hit the back of the single-seater couch as her arms wrapped around his neck, interlocking her hands.

“(Y/N), what are you doing?” he asked, giving her a confused look.

“Shhh, love.” she looked at his brown eyes, that were slowly intertwined with lust.

She removed her hands and removed her shirt. Her hands went to his button down, removing and undoing a few buttons, enough for his little bit of chest hair to show through, and by his chest. She lent in, pressing her lips to his. It took a while for him to kiss back, but he did. She removed her hands and placed them on his, moving them to cup her butt. She did feel like a complete slut, but she was angry and wanted revenge. So, she did something that she knew she was ruining a well-off relationship.

But the kiss escalated, his hands were roaming, roaming around her. Her hands went down to his chest, going underneath his shirt and massaging his hips. She rocked back and forth, grinding on him.

Harry was upset, seeing her run off like that, so he got his shit together and followed after. Seeing her heading to the break room. He walked around the floor a bit, talked to his co-workers, looking over to the door of the break room every so often to see if she has come out, but twenty minutes is a long time, and he had the urge to go.

So, he went. He knocked on the door, but no one answered. He heard a bit of whining, he hurt her. He fucking hurt her, and he was more than disappointed in himself, so he opened the door. But, what came into view was nothing that he thought he would. His girl, close to fucking with Mr McPerfect. Fantastic.

“Mr Styles.” he heard him speak, stumbling to remove (Y/N) off of him. He glared at him, raising an eyebrow, “It is not what it looks like.” Scott tried to reason out. She got up, and placed her shirt back on, looking a bit embarrassed, now.

“Oh, don’t play that card on me. (Y/N), my office, now.” he stated, turning around and walking out the door.

“I had fun, Scott,” she said, biting her lip and waving off.

She felt bad now, seeing the look on Harry’s face was beyond excruciating pain. He had a look of defeat. There was no famous Styles’ smirk or the lust in his eyes. It was pain and loneliness. Therefore she felt bad.

She closed the door of his office, seeing his back turned to her and a hand in his hair.

“What was that?” there was no swearing or outburst of yelling, but it was more of a silent whisper to himself.

“I don’t know,” she replied, looking down. He turned around, tears were shown in his eyes, but he has not accepted it yet.

“I’m sorry, I hit you, but that gives you no right for you to go and try to fuck him,” he said walking up to her.

“I know.”

“Then why’d you do it, (Y/N)?” he asked. It was a normal conversation between two hurt people, both of them talking about hurt and pain or hesitation. It was normal.

“I knew you’d walk in, so I kissed him because I was mad at you,” she replied, still not looking up.

“You knew that I was going to come in?” he asked, she nodded, “How?”

“Because,” she began, looking away; tears were coming to her eyes as well, “because, I know you. Well, I thought. Ever since I met you, I was like, what’s the word, I had like an admiration towards you. So, I watched every little move you did, picked up every little thing you do. But, I realised, that I may know your actions, but I don’t know you. You say we are friends, Harry, but I actually don’t know what that means to you. Because I don’t know you. We’ve never sat down and talked about you, only me or Scott or Megan or whoever. I don’t know if you have a mum or a sister or a brother or all. I don’t know your past or where you are from. Fuck, I don’t even know your favourite colour, yet I am utterly and completely attracted to you.” she replied, looking up at him.

“I was born in Redditch but moved to Cheshire when I was a young boy. My mum and dad split when I was younger. My dad created this business, but I bought it more to success when I was given it. I don’t know why? But, I did. I have an older sister, and she is my world, just like my mum. The only girls that I am in love with until you came along. My birthday is February first, and I am twenty-three. I don’t do girlfriends because I don’t know how to keep them. Addison is like a friend, I think, but we are fuck buddies. I banged interns because they were the same age as me, and brought a sense of human love and not loneliness. My favourite colour is orange and I have a fucked up life.” he stated. She just blinked, unable to take it all in.

“But, I want this to work. I’ve ever done the whole relationship thing and I want to do it; I want to try it with you because I fucking love you,” he told her, placing his hands, cupping her cheeks.

“I want this to work, Harry. But, you can’t control me.” she told him, a tear coming down her cheek; she took a breath, “ I’m going to take a few days off, Harry; visit family and all, ok?” she told him, bringing his hands down, grabbing her purse that was on the chair.

“(Y/N)!” he yelled, watching as she walked down.

“I’ll call you,” she said, stepping out of the office.

Part 7

[nachtgraves]

Hey, I'm a fan of your work over in Ao3! I have a prompt idea for a Yuuri! On Ice fic. Could you do a 5+1 kinda thing where Yuuri and Victor are dating (I was kinda picturing it to be an AU because we all know they would move in together) and whenever Yuuri comes over to Victor's apartment and stays late he hints around to staying over for the night but Victor is a very dense boy and doesn't get until, like, the end. BONUS If you put an unnecessary amount of angst and then a huge amount of fluff

I FINALLY FINISHED IT. I’m so sorry it took forever but it is done! I deviated a bit with your prompt, but I hope you still enjoy (: This is also my first 5+1 type of thing so hope I did that decently. And thank you!

Title: Five Times Yuuri was Obvious and the One Time Victor Finally Got It // AO3Word Count: 4,960Tags/Warnings: G/PG. College AU, misunderstandings, established relationship, Victor is oblivious but means well, minor background relationships.

1.

Yuurireally likes Victor. Like a lot. He’dnever have thought that the guy he saw coming into the ice rink where he workedpart-time would ever look twice at him. But now here he is, on the olderRussian’s couch watching some dumb TV show he, at least, has not been payingattention to, while said Russian is getting the takeout they ordered from thedoor.

“—nkyou. Have a nice night.”

Yuuri’sphone buzzes. A text from Phichit. Victor’s moved to the kitchen and Yuuriknows from experience that Victor will bite his hand if he tries to help.Victor has weird and outdated views on hosting guests, especially boyfriendshe’s still trying to do the whole impressing thing with. Yuuri doesn’t know howto tell the man that he just needs to laugh and Yuuri is gone.

From Phichit / 7:34 PM

So ur not coming back tonight riiiiiight?????Ive not taught u well if u doI will be v disappointed yuuri

Yuuri’sface heats even though he did come over to Victor’s with the intention to notbe sent off to the trains to go back to his and Phichit’s apartment at the endof the night. He doesn’t even care if they do things. Well, he does, and would not be opposed, but he mainly justwants to wake up to Victor in the morning.

It’sa weekday, but neither he nor Victor have classes or work in the morning. Yuurihas work in the afternoon and that’s during the time Victor usually comes tothe rink to skate, now with the added bonus of light flirting and making plansfor date nights when it’s Yuuri’s shift to moderate the skaters. He’s preparedto withstand the teasing from Phichit and Yuuko should he and Victor come tothe ice rink together, Yuuri wearing the same clothes Phichit had last seen himin, or, better yet, in something of Victor’s.

To Phichit / 7:37 PM

We’re eating takeout and watching a movie.But if I happen to miss the last train…

Yuuriadds a fingers crossed emoji before hitting send. Phichit’s reply is immediateand Yuuri’s cheeks flush at the series of peach, eggplant, and kissy faceemojis.

“Dinneris served!”

Yuuristuffs his phone face down in his lap, startled by Victor. His boyfriend isstanding with two plates loaded with naan and a chicken curry at the foot ofthe coffee table. He tilts his head. “Is everything okay, Yuuri?”

Yuurinods, mentally willing the flush on his cheeks to die down. “Yeah! Yup.Everything’s fine.”

Victorraises a brow and sets the plates on the table. “Okay… Well, do you wantanything to drink?”

Theydecide on some wine and Yuuri vocalizes that he is limiting himself to oneglass, two glasses max. Victor laughsat him but puts the bottle away after pouring the both of them modest glassfulsbefore joining Yuuri on the couch.

“Atoast?” Victor asks, raising his glass.

“Towhat?”

Victorhums, lips pursed in thought. “Delicious food, a hopefully interesting movie,and the best company I could ask for?” The little smile Victor flashes isentirely unfair. Yuuri’s face is bright red when their glasses clink togetherand Victor is unapologetic.

Theystart the movie, an action-adventure-comedy type thing that had won severalawards that neither of them had managed to see when it was in theaters. As theyclean off their plates and nurse their wines, Yuuri gradually closes thedistance between Victor and himself until their shoulders press against oneanother. Yuuri curls his legs up and leans against Victor. His boyfriendglances away from the screen and huffs a laugh, but throws an arm aroundYuuri’s shoulders and lets Yuuri lean further into Victor. They meet for abrief kiss that has Yuuri arching for more when Victor pulls away.

“We’llmiss the movie,” is Victor’s excuse in the face of Yuuri pouting. Hetemporarily placates Yuuri with one more kiss and tucking Yuuri closer to hischest, cheek against Yuuri’s head.

Yuuri’sonly got half a mind on the movie, even though it is actually interesting andif Yuuri wasn’t thinking about other things he would have been just asenthralled by the plot as Victor is. But it’s getting later and later and themovie is longer than Yuuri thought it was, but it works in his favor since thelast train he can catch to go home arrives in the next twenty minutes at astation that is a ten minute walk away and there’s at least another thirtyminutes left of the movie. Yuuri fights the urge to stare at the clock on hisphone to see the minutes tick by.

Themovie ends and Yuuri’s missed the last train by eight minutes, assuming it wason time.

“Ohshit, I’m sorry, Yuuri. I lost track of time.” Victor looks incredibly guiltywhen he sees how late it is.

“Don’tworry about it,” Yuuri assures him. He feels a little bad that he somewhatorchestrated the situation and Victor seems to feel really bad about it.

Butthen Victor perks up in that way he does when he believes he has an incredibleidea. Yuuri has to hold back the preemptive yes.

“Lyft!”Victor exclaims.

“Ye—what?”

Victorgrins and unlocks his phone. “I’ll call you a Lyft. Let me just download theapp real quick.”

Yuuridoesn’t tell Victor that he has Lyft, as well as Uber, on his phone. While hehas found the services to be incredibly useful during nights out where no oneis capable of getting themselves home, currently, he has some very differentfeelings on the matter.

“Ah,yeah. Thanks.” Yuuri sighs as he gathers his things and Victor sorts out the Lyft.Victor cheerfully announces that Yuuri’s ride will arrive in moments. When itarrives, Victor walks him to the front of the building and Yuuri gets a kiss onthe cheek before sliding into the car.

Yuurireally likes Victor, but he wishes Victor could take a hint.

2.

WhenPhichit is determined, nothing can deter him.

“Okay.So clearly, your boyfriend is a little slow on the uptake, but! Now that I’mtaking charge of this, you will not be coming back here if I can help it.”

Yuuripretends to look affronted. “Are you trying to kick me out?”

Phichitplays coy and twirls a lock of hair. “Well.Only for like a night every once in a while.”

“Likeme being home hasn’t stopped you before.” Yuuri nudges his best friend. He’sgotten used to seeing, and sometimes hearing, some of Phichit’s closer friendsthe occasional morning.

Witha laugh, Phichit lets his entire weight fall onto Yuuri, causing the two tospread out on Yuuri’s bed.

“Phichit,get off!” Yuuri laughs. Phichit squirms until he’s pretty much starfished outatop Yuuri. “I can’t breathe!”

Phichitraises himself up and smirks at Yuuri. “Well, I wonder if there’s a certainRussian we know that would help you out.”

Facepink and laughing, Yuuri pushes Phichit off of him. “Shut up.”

“Alright,back to business. When is coming by?”

Yuurisearches for his phone, lost amid blankets. It’s trying to hide in a pillow andflashes several notifications from social media and a couple texts. There’s atext from Victor, flooded with exclamation marks, saying that he finished hiserrands earlier than expected and can be ready whenever Yuuri is.

“WheneverI want, it seems,” Yuuri answers. He shows Phichit the text and is just barelyquick enough to keep his phone out of the Thai boy’s reach when he grabs forit. “What are you trying to do?”

Phichitshrugs, eyebrows high on his head, eyes directed to the corner of the room.“Nothing,” he draws the word out like he’s not even sure what lie he was goingto come up with. “Anyway, time to slut you up.”

Yuuriis slightly afraid.

Victor’seyes widen when they meet up and Yuuri grudgingly admits to himself thatPhichit does know what he’s doing. Even if Yuuri wants to pull at the too-tightshirt that belongs to Phichit and squirm in the jeans that supposedly make hisass look ‘bitable’ and are definitely going to be more of a struggle to takeoff than they were to put on.

Theygo out to see the movie Victor’s been looking forward to and grab dinner at acute Spanish restaurant after. Victor animatedly goes over his favorite partsof the film, praising directing, acting, cinematography. He goes over the partsthat were lacking, but overall his expectations had been met. Yuuri watches himfondly, chiming in every once in a while, nodding along or disagreeing with oneaspect, but overall he lets Victor lead and is content with sipping wine and cataloguingthe Russian’s every gesture.

It’slate when they leave the restaurant, the walk to the nearest station quiet andmostly deserted. Victor reaches for Yuuri’s hand, and their fingers are linked,warm and loose, for the walk. They come to the point where they would need topart if they went to their own homes. Yuuri, gnaws on his bottom lip, wraps hisfree arm around his middle.

“Well…”Yuuri trails off, awkward, hopeful, waiting. “I’m that way.”

Victorfrowns slightly and Yuuri traps his bottom lip between his teeth, biting downhard. He looks up at Victor through his lashes, eyes wide, Phichit’s voicerunning through his head giving orders: Curve you neck, draw attention to yourmouth, show a hint of tongue—a hint, a flash! You gotta tease, Yuuri. You are not ice cream in an ice cream shop, there’sno sampling. You’re the display piece they can look at through the window, andcan only have if they take you home.

WhenVictor comes closer, leans down, Yuuri closes his eyes and meets his boyfriendhalfway for a lingering kiss. When they part, Yuuri is ready to nod, stomachfluttering and heart jumping.

Victorsqueezes Yuuri’s hand before he lets go. “Get home safe, Yuuri.”

Yuuri’shands, both empty, slide into his coat pockets. “Ah, yeah. You too.”

Theywalk their separate ways and Yuuri sends a text to Phichit.

To Phichit / 9:48 PM

Mission failed

3.

“Idon’t get it,” Yuuri whines. He shoves away his textbook and notes, floppingover on Victor’s coffee table. Victor, fiddling with a pen as he reads throughstudent work for the class he’s a TA for, looks up from the essay.

“What’reyou stuck on?”

Yuuriturns his textbook around and uses his pencil to point out the problem he’sbeen stuck on. God does he hate Gen Ed requirements.

Victorlooks over the page and comes around to sit beside Yuuri on the floor, lookingover Yuuri’s notes and the in-progress assignment that’s a review worksheet fora midterm-like test.

“You’reon the right track but you’re using the wrong formula,” Victor says after amoment. Using his pen, Victor writes out an equation that looks vaguelyfamiliar to Yuuri and he’s fairly certain he knows what some of the variablesmean. But it still doesn’t really help.

“Victor,” Yuuri whines again after attemptingthe problem with the new equation. He’s flipped through his notes and thetextbook, but still can’t figure out how and what to plug in to get the rightanswer. He’s really not looking forward to the upcoming test. Yuuri can alreadysee all the red marks that will make themselves comfortable on his paper.

Victorchuckles and ruffles Yuuri’s hair. “How about a food break?

Thespeed at which Yuuri perks up is comical, if the way Victor’s chuckles turninto full blown laughter is at all telling. Yuuri puts his schoolwork to theside in a somewhat organized pile, clearing space as he gets up. He followsafter Victor into the kitchen, seeing his boyfriend looking through his pantry.

“Areyou feeling pasta tonight?” Victor asks, looking over his shoulder.

Yuurinods, “Pasta sounds good.”

Withinthe hour, Yuuri and Victor are back in the living room, plates of some lemon,butter, garlic, and herb chicken and angel hair pasta set before them that hasYuuri salivating. They eat on the couch with the TV on and once the food iscleared, Victor pointedly looks at Yuuri’s incomplete assignment. Yuuri slidesback down to the floor with a put upon pout.

“Thisisn’t even graded,” Yuuri grumbles.

Ahand comes to rest on his head, fingers curl into hair. Yuuri looks up with aquestion on his tongue, but a mouth presses to his in answer before he canspeak.

“Mightnot be a graded assignment, but the test counts for a lot,” Victor says oncethey pull apart from the brief, far too brief, peck. “But a boyfriend can givehis boyfriend rewards for a job well done?”

Yuurifocuses more on the assignment than he’s focused on any class that he’s ever enjoyed.Victor’s smile as he finishes up doing his TA work may be incredibly cocky andsmug, but being able to wipe it away with kisses and some hair tugging while inVictor’s lap more makes up for it.

Yuuriis very comfortable in Victor’s arms, and the way Victor’s holding him feelslike Victor won’t be letting go any time soon. But when they break for air andjust rest against one another, Yuuri’s head on Victor’s shoulder and Victor’scheek against Yuuri’s head, Victor sighs. “It’s getting pretty late and youhave class in the morning.”

Yuuristills for a moment against Victor before releasing a sigh of his own. “I kindof wish I lived closer to school like you do. You’re what, a twenty minute walkand maybe ten by car?”

Victornods against Yuuri. “Yeah, about. Depending on traffic it can take almostthirty by car. The street one over from the coffee shop everyone goes to? Theabsolute worst during the lunch rush.”

“Ohyeah, that street is awful,” Yuuri says. “Still, you don’t even have to wake upas early to get to classes on time. I’m jealous.”

Victorlaughs and presses his mouth to Yuuri’s forehead. “But you live closer to theskate rink.”

Yuurican’t argue with that, but the conversation is not going where he hopes itwould. He doesn’t know how else to get Victor to suggest he stay over, since,clearly, it’d be easier for Yuuri to get to class in the morning.

“Ugh,”Victor groans. “C’mon I need to get you home before it really gets too late.Don’t you also have to see your advisor tomorrow?”

“Shit.”Yuuri had completely forgotten. So maybe this time wouldn’t have beenconvenient to stay over. “I forgot. And all the things I had to bring her areat home and—”

BeforeYuuri can spiral into full blown panic, he finds himself much higher off theground than the couch and Victor’s lap, legs swinging freely in the air, theonly point of stability being Victor’s arms, one under his knees and the otheraround his back.

“Victor!”The man only grins. “What? I’m getting you home.”

Eventhough it is the best idea for now and Yuuri had not planned things out well atall, Yuuri can’t help but wish that Victor was carrying him towards the bedroominstead of his coat and shoes.

4.

Yuuri’srelationship with alcohol is one that everyone around him enjoys while heremains oblivious to his actions until days, sometimes even months later. Hehas no memory of the first time he met Victor at one of Chris’ parties and madean absolute ass of himself when Victor sought him out at the ice rink not toolong after. It was only on one of their earlier dates before they officiallyfinally got together that Victor brought up the first time they met. Thepictures of that night are ones Yuuri still can’t look at, much to Phichit’ssadistic glee.

Andyet, Yuuri will still find himself a few too many drinks deep every once in awhile. Especially at one of Chris’ parties where it’s rare to have an intactmemory of the night.

“Ithink you’re done for now,” Victor says, taking Yuuri’s newly filled glassaway. Yuuri pouts, and while trying to reach for his drink, finds it too taxingand simply slumps onto Victor, arms draped over the Russian’s shoulder.

“M’fine,”Yuuri mumbles into Victor’s neck.

Victorwraps an arm around Yuuri’s waist, holding him up. Yuuri settles further intothe warmth of his boyfriend.

“I’msure you are right now, but you won’t be later.”

Yuuriwants to sulk, argue with Victor, but he also really likes being in Victor’sarms so he settles for lifting his face up briefly to give Victor furrowedbrows and jutting bottom lip before settling his head back in the cradle ofVictor’s neck and shoulder.

Victorleads them out of the kitchen – away from the drinks – to one of the couches inChris’ living room. Various people, all somehow associated to Chris, mingle anddance and drink around them. Phichit’s dancing with two of Chris’ coworkers, JJand Isabella are canoodling on an armchair made for one but can apparently fittwo, Sara’s sneaking off with Mila while Emil distracts Mickey, not that that’sany sort of hardship for the lovable Czech.

Yuurileans heavily into Victor, eyes drifting almost shut as he dozes. Yurio andOtabek join them at some point, before Victor’s teasing makes the other Russiansputter insults and storm away, face red. Otabek follows after, the tips of hisears and cheeks almost as red as his not-yet-boyfriend’s. Yuuri’s vaguelyconscious when Phichit swings by and lets Yuuri know that he’s leaving with thetwo guys he had been dancing with most of the night. He must have fallencompletely asleep at some point, for a few minutes at least, because Victor iswaking him up and getting to his feet.

“Yougood to go home?” Victor asks.

Ittakes a moment, groggy as he is, but Yuuri nods and manages to sort himself outwithout relying on Victor too much. Most of the partygoers have gone or are inthe process of leaving. Chris is wrapped up around Masumi who looks nothingshort of fond. Their cat has slunk her way to them now that the house isquieter, curled up on the armrest by Masumi’s arm.

Victorand Yuuri say their goodbyes and head out. Chris and Masumi live pretty much atthe heart of the city so there are plenty of cabs around. Victor hails onequickly and helps Yuuri in.

Yuuri’snapped and dozed and had some time to let all the liquor he’s had go throughhis system enough for him mind to fix on the fact that he and Victor live incompletely opposite directions and Victor’s apartment is closer.

ButVictor rattles off Yuuri’s address to the cab driver.

“You’recloser though,” Yuuri argues.

Victorhesitates, doesn’t look at Yuuri. “It’s fine. I want to make sure you get homesafe and it’s not that far from yours to mine. Besides, I have to do a thingfor the class I’m TAing in the morning so.”

Yuuriknows Victor’s fibbing. Not entirely, but he’s not being completely truthful. Yuurilooks away, down at his hands in his lap. “Oh. If you’re sure.”

Victorruffles Yuuri’s hair. “It’s really fine.”

Yuurigets dropped off in front of his apartment building with a brief peck and ‘seeyou later’.

5.

MaybeVictor just has a thing.  People havethings they’re weird about all the time. Yuuri knew someone who had a thingabout how they eat their food, eating the smallest items on their plate firstand moving their way up. Yuuri had a thing about having people he didn’t knowto a certain, abstract level being in his room when he lived in the dorms hisfirst year.

Butthen he sees Chris’ Instagram post of him and Victor in pajamas, in what Yuuriknows is Victor’s bedroom, Victor in the background holding pillows and extrablankets, captioned ‘sleepover!!’ with an arrangement of emojis, and doesn’tknow what to think.

“Doeshe not actually like me?”

Phichitwhacks Yuuri with the pillow Yuuri hasn’t been hugging to his chest, sulking.“That boy is completely gone for you, Yuuri, shut up. It’s probably justsomething else. Like, Chris wasn’t taking no for an answer or Victor doesn’tcare about Chris spending the night because Chris isn’t his adorable boyfriend.”

“But—”

“Justbe more aggressive the next time you’re over!”

Yuuripouts into his pillow. “I can’t do that.”

Phichitrolls his eyes, “Just get some drinks in you and I’m sure you’ll have noproblem with voicing your wants.”

Yuurifinally relinquishes his hold on his pillow to throw it at his best friend.Unfortunately, Phichit catches it out of the air easily and now has both thepillows. He drops the pillows and shuffles on Yuuri’s bed so they’re side byside, Phichit with an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders.

“Butreally. You won’t get what you want if you’re not vocal about it. Apparently,your Russian is oblivious to actions that, knowing you, are far fromsubtle—don’t hit me, you know it’s the truth—so just be upfront and tell himyou want to sleep over.” Phichit adds on with a wink, “Or not sleep.”

Yuurirolls his eyes and shoves Phichit. He has to get ready though for a doubledate.

Yuurishows up at the restaurant early, but he sees Victor is already there. Victorgreets him with a brief kiss that has Yuuri sighing and leaning in for more. They’vegot a few minutes until the time their reservation and knowing Chris andMasumi, more Chris, they probably had a little more.

Yuurican only think of how the universe is probably laughing at his expense that rightafter he had seen Chris’ Instagram post, Masumi and him wanted to grab dinnerwith Yuuri and Victor the next day. He doesn’t know how to bring it up withoutsounding stupidly jealous when there’s no reason to be. Instead they talk aboutschool and work as they wait for Masumi and Chris who show up with Chris allbut clinging to Masumi and Masumi looking fondly exasperated.

“Sorrywe’re late,” Masumi says, he doesn’t give an excuse, only looks to hisunashamed boyfriend.

“Youcan’t blame me when you get all dressed up,” Chris throws back, flirtatious asever. Yuuri feels his cheeks pink at the implication. Victor laughs and Masumijust shakes his head as they enter the restaurant and get seated.

Dinnergoes well. It’s not often that Yuuri hangs out with Masumi or Chris with theirbusy schedules, Masumi travelling often for his work and Chris busy with hisown. They talk about work and school and future plans, Masumi and Chrisplanning to take a few days off work to go travelling, visit their familiesalong the way. They promise to come by the ice rink some time too, both of themmiss having the freedom to skate and hang out with everyone.

It’swhen the bill has been paid and everyone’s ready to part ways that Chris bringsup how he thinks he left his scarf at Victor’s the other night.

“Ah,yeah, I found it have it hung up. I forgot to bring it with me but I can dropit off at yours sometime if you want.”

Chriswaves him off, “I can swing by and get it myself whenever you’re free, don’tworry about it. Thanks though, and see you too soon. I have a well-dressedboyfriend to…pester. And I’m sure you both do too.” Chris leaves them with asmirk and clings to Masumi as they head home. Masumi manages a wave but there’sno hint of resistance to Chris dragging him away.

Yuuridoesn’t know what to say, he more than hopes that Chris’ assumption andsuggestion would lead anywhere but his track record lends to the contrary.Victor clears his throat and offers his arm. “Sometimes you think you canhandle Chris, and then learn you were very incorrect. I’ll walk you to thestation?”

Yuuritakes Victor’s arm. “How was that sleepover, by the way?”

Victorlaughs. “Chris was very excited. We just watched TV and ordered in takeout. Ithink he’s been a bit stressed about something at work and didn’t want to putit on Masumi. I offered to let him stay the night since we’d been drinking andMasumi was in the middle of some high priority work Chris didn’t want tointerrupt.”

Andthere went Yuuri and Phichit’s theorizing that Chris had invited himself over.If only Victor was that blasé about asking Yuuri to spend the night.

Havinghad some wine with dinner, and envy filling his head, Yuuri comments, “SinceI’ve known you, I don’t think you’ve ever had people stay the night at yours.Sleepovers don’t seem like something you’d do.”

Victorshrugs, “Not often, no. But sometimes being alone in an apartment that is kindof a little big for just one person can get lonely. Date nights at mine areprobably my favorite kind of date nights because of that.”

Yuuriwants to strangle Victor. It would be so easy to ask why Victor has never evenseemed inclined to get Yuuri to stay the night, extend date nights into datemornings. But they’re at the station and Yuuri’s train is rolling up and whileit’s late, it’s too public a place to be potentially humiliated.

“Goodnight, Victor. See you soon?”

Victornods and bends to kiss Yuuri before he has to catch the train home alone.

+1.

Yuuri’snot avoiding Victor. At least not on purpose. Schoolwork has picked up and he’sbeen covering at the ice rink more often and he’s just too tired to do morethan go home and pass out in bed with take out and something playing on hislaptop. So he hasn’t seen Victor in a while for more than a brief hello aroundcampus or while he’s working at the rink that’s been busy with tourists andlocals taking advantage of deals and sales and whatnot because it was that timeof year.

Buthe runs into Victor on campus at the library, Victor at a desk with a pile ofbooks on one side of his laptop and a stack of essays and papers on the other.

“Yuuri!”Victor beams. Yuuri stops by and leans down for the kiss Victor pulls him into.

“Youlook busy,” Yuuri comments.

Victorpouts. “You too. I’ve missed you.”

Yuurifeels a flush of pleasure at the words. “I’ve missed you too. Just the time ofyear, you know?”

Victornods, “Trust me, I do. But doesn’t mean I can’t miss hanging out with you. Thisweek should be the last of it before finals season but are you free thisweekend? Just a night in with takeout and some TV?”

Yuuritakes a second but nods. He has a fair number of assignments all due the nextweek that he should work on this weekend, but he has missed Victor and, despitehis hopes, it’s not like he’ll be spending the night, as he’s learned.

Fridayrolls around Yuuri can tell he’s not the only one immensely grateful for theweekend. He finishes up his last class and heads straight to Victor’s, havingswitched shifts with Yuuko he doesn’t have work until Saturday afternoon.Victor lets him in almost immediately, pulling Yuuri inside and mouth on hisbefore the door even clicks shut.

“Hey,”Yuuri laughs once they part.

“Hello,”Victor grins, still holding Yuuri around his waist. “Ready for the weekend?”

Yuurifalls into Victor with a sigh. “You have no idea.”

Victorkeeps one arm around Yuuri and leads the way further into his apartment. “Well,I have Thai on the way and Netflix up and ready for our abuse.”

TheirThai food arrives halfway into the second episode of the TV show they startedto binge and Yuuri was quite invested. They eat as they continue watching halfof the season before Yuuri starts yawning and leaning heavily into Victor. It’snot even close to midnight but the week’s toll has weighed heavily on hisshoulders.

“Weshould get you home, I think,” Victor says quietly, hand brushing throughYuuri’s hair. Yuuri groans and presses his face into Victor’s shoulder.

“Homeis too far. Your bed is so much closer,” Yuuri mumbles without thinking. As thewords he carelessly said process in his sleepy, fuzzy mind, he’s suddenly muchmore awake.

Yuurilooks up and Victor is uncharacteristically flustered, stunned even. There’sreally no backtracking so why not continue to shove his foot deeper into hismouth?

“Whydo you not want me to sleep over, Victor? I feel like I’ve been pretty obviousbut…”

Victorrubs at the back of his neck, looks away. “Oh. I, uh, I thought you were just,being you, didn’t want to read too much into things in case that wasn’t whatyou meant.”

Yuuridoesn’t know if he should be offended by Victor’s implications of Yuuri beingthat aloof and unaware. There’s some truth to the unsubtle statement but still.

“Soyou’re not opposed,” is all Yuuri says in response.

WhenVictor looks at him again, there’s a heat in his gaze that’s fighting beingtempered.  “Well you see, Yuuri, if youspent the night, I, well, sleeping would be very difficult.”

“Victor.”

“AndI don’t want to pressure you into anything, because I don’t just want to, youknow, but also just cuddling in bed and platonically, well not entirelyplatonically, but romantically? Just sleeping together and seeing you firstthing in the morning.”

Arambling Victor is a rare sight, and any other time Yuuri would let Victorcontinue and see where he trailed off into, but Yuuri is tired and happy andhas been patient long enough.

“Victor,” Yuuri cuts Victoroff before he can continue. With a smile, he leans up and pecks Victor’s cheek.“Just letting you know, I’m staying the night.”

[buzzfeedwheeze]

The New Teacher - Shyan AU

CHAPTER 2

Shane watched as Andrew made his way through his second bowl of cereal with milk. Only kids like that, my ass! He was beaming. It just felt so right to sit by his son’s side and enjoy a nice breakfast before leaving for work. Unfortunately, the familiarity of it brought back memories that he wish would’ve stayed buried on the depths of  his mind.

He and Sara used to make pancakes of the new characters of Disney that they had been working on at the studio and Andrew would happily munch at them after pointing out mistakes in anatomy or color. The first time he did it, they were so surprised that they thought they had hurt his feelings and perhaps shut down their child, but the next time they tried to subtly make him comment it worked out fine. It should’ve been expected, after all, he was their kid and art was always a big part of their lives so it obviously would attract little Andrew. Shane remembered when they had just adopted Andrew, they were trying to figure out how to make the small 8 year-old interact with them so Sara suggested painting palm trees’ leaves on the living room wall and Andrew sat on the floor and started to make small coconuts. Even though it was sort of painful to revisit the memories, he would always have a fond smile as the mental image of a smaller Andrew with his brows furrowed as he mixed the colors to get the perfect green popped in his mind.

He sighed.

There was no use trying to hold back those memories. Watching Andrew eating his cereal while simultaneously trying to tweet just reminded him other mornings. After Andrew’s second day in high school, he wouldn’t shut up during breakfast about the art class and how the other students loved his style and of course, it was when he met the transfer student from Malaysia, Steven Lim, who even asked to keep one of his drawings.

“Dad, are you in there?” Andrew was waving a hand in front of him. “Earth to dad!”

Shane gave him a tiny nod and went back to staring at his now cold pancakes and coffee. Andrew’s voice was weak when he asked. “Are you thinking about mom again? It’s just that you have that look…”

This time Shane actually made an effort and fought back the urge to hide his emotions from the world. “I… No. Not really. Not now.” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I wasn’t thinking about her per se and I’m definitely not in love with her anymore, kiddo. I know you might think that I am..”

“It’s not that dad…” Shane made a gesture to stop him.

“It’s just hard to sort of filter my memories. Most of my happy memories with or without you are full of your mom’s presence and it’s tough to get over the fact that I was the happiest when we were together, probably the happiest I’ll ever be. I don’t think I can find someone that will make me feel like that again.” Andrew was looking at him with a concerned expression. “No! It’s not that I am unhappy. I mean, I have you! Andrew, you are the one thing in life that matters, the one thing that makes me wake up in the morning and actually thank god that I’m alive. For you being the way that you are, I’ll forever be grateful. I still can’t believe you chose us, that you chose me.”

“Dad, cut the sentimental crap!” he shouted, but he was visibly taken aback by his dad’s declaration. “You’ll find someone better for you, someone that deserves you. You and mom were okay, but okay doesn’t mean right, you get it?”

“So…” Shane didn’t want to discuss this any further, so he did what he was good at. He changed the focus of the conversation and with a teasing smile playing on his lips he continued. “Are you and Steven right, right?”

“Ugh, you are insufferable!” he snapped as he got up and stormed off to his room, leaving a very amused Shane and his very dirty bowl to be cleaned. As Shane washed the bowl he allowed himself to wonder if maybe his son was right. What if there is someone waiting for me? Nah, that’s bullshit.

XxXxXxXxX

“Have a great day, kiddo!” Shane handed Andrew his backpack and leaned on the side of the car. “Remember to give that Bergara dude hell.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and managed to give his dad a nod before turning around and going in the direction of Steven, who waved at Shane with as much energy as puppy. He watched them holding hands and disappearing inside the school building. It was the perfect image to have in his mind before jumping inside his car and going back to his eight hour shift at the Disney Studio where he would be trying keep sanity as he worked on a new animation project. But life had other plans. As he was about to turn away he noticed a cool Jeep pulling over at the teacher’s parking lot. Shane gritted his teeth as he saw the small guy hopping off the car.

Begara noticed him and as he walked in the direction of the school staring at Shane the whole time in what was supposed to be a menacing way. The staring match didn’t last much since when Ryan was about to climb the stairs to the building he tripped on his own foot and fell. Shane’s laughed was the only thing heard on the area. The other man quickly got up and stuck his middle finger to Shane which would’ve been offensive if he wasn’t blushing like a small kid. Shane chuckled again when he heard the main door of school being slammed.

“What a lovely day.” he said between giggles.

When Shane arrived at the studio there was, indeed, a pile of things to be done, but he was on such a big mood that he actually started to whistle some Disney songs. He turned his computer on and started to work on the animation, trying to make everything in sync and all the transitions smooth to facilitate the job of the Keith, the dude responsible for checking his progress and corrected small details.

The morning passed really fast. So fast Shane didn’t notice it was time to have his lunch break and got startled when Eugene touched his shoulder.

“Jesus, Madej. It’s break time. Stop working.”

Shane got up from his chair and stretched his body, lazily. He pocketed his phone and wallet and was about to leave when he decided to go back and take his sketchbook too. Today he was feeling creative. He decided to go to the Subway near the studio where he wouldn’t have to socialize with his co-workers and where people wouldn’t be asking questions about his doodles.

The place was almost empty, there was only a family of tourists with their ridiculously big Mickey Mouse Ears hats and faces full of sunscreen. Shane ordered a sandwich and chose a more reserved booth. He settled the sketchbook on the table and picked his favorite pencil, which was really small and was completely dented from falls and nervous teeth biting into it.

He gave a tentative bite on the sandwich and moaned slightly as he tasted the unique artificial flavors that only a fast-food chain restaurant could have. No wonder everyone called him a raccoon, he’d consider almost any food delicious. Or at least edible.

Shane started to sketch and after eating half of the food and finishing the face he realized he had drawn the fucking crazy teacher. Ryan Bergara. He ripped the page off and crunched the paper. Why would he draw that guy? He decided to keep the drawing though. It was fine art. So he got the little ball of paper and placed it on his jacket’s pocket.

There was still some time left before he had to go back to work, so he decided to get a nice ice cream cone. Shane bought one with two flavors ,vanilla and cookie though, of Mr. Tinsley a cool older guy that used to work as a detective or something like that in the 70s. Since it wasn’t a hot day, but the sun wouldn’t help the case of his ice cream, he found a nice bench underneath a tree.

He got his phone out and began to browse through Instagram. Then he stopped at a new photo of Steven. In the photo Steven was wearing a tinfoil hat, which wasn’t something so unusual, but the caption of the picture was the problem.

“What the fuck!” Shane perked up on the bench and gripped the ice cream cone harder. “‘@ryanbergara lended his cool hat to me, best teacher ever :)’”

It was impossible to ignore the urge to click on the username. In fact, Shane didn’t even try to hold back. He was bombarded by a series of photos of a Mr. Bergara at Disney and Universal Studios, puppies, Lakers and mirror selfies. He sucked in a breath. If the dude wasn’t bat shit crazy he would totally be my type. His bisexual senses were tingling so he decided to close the app. Nope.

I wonder if he has a twitter account? Maybe I could fight him. Shane clicked on the blue icon on his screen and typed bergara and there it was a @ryansbergara. Shane had a devilish smile as he analised the profile. The fucking profile picture was a photo of him wearing a tinfoil hat and his header was a screenshot of the X-files opening. Not surprising at all but that made Shane itchy to annoy the guy. That was practically begging to receive some of the old skeptic treatment that his family perfect through the generations.

Shane Madej - @shalexandej   01:39 PM

@ryansbergara hey dude nice hat. going to teach the kids how to do one… oh wait you already did!

He watched as a notification pop-up appeared on his screen only a few minutes later.

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:42 PM

@shalexandej ha ha ha very funny stalker, i didnt teach them that!! i talked about how it is useless and actually applied some scientific concepts [GIF]

Shane Madej - @shalexandej   01:43 PM

@ryansbergara THANK GOD YOU DID THAT but i’ll have you know that i instructed my kid to make your life hell

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:45 PM

@shalexandej oh really? Cause he actually helped in class

Shane Madej - @shalexandej   01:45 PM

@ryansbergara [GIF] NOOOOOO NOT MY KID BERGARA YOU ARE A CULT LEADER

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:46 PM

@shalexandej hahahahahhahahsahs maybe ;)

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:46 PM

@shalexandej i have to go prepare for my next class, see ya stalker [GIF]

Shane was about to reply when he receiver another type of notification. Ryan had just followed him. Well Bergara, this might be your downfall. He clicked on the follow button and he unconsciously knew how big of mistake that decision was.

[nataliecarsonsuniverse]

What A Wicked Game Pt. 2

Summary: A hot tub bet between Jake and Amy goes completely wrong.

Pairing: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago

Part One

Jake sat on the other side of the door mentally cursing himself. Why did he kiss her? He was perfectly happy before imagining what it would be like to feel her lips against his or what she tasted like. But now he actually knows, and somehow that is a thousand times worse.

His lips still tingled from where they had met hers. He groaned slightly to himself. He should’ve quit that bet far sooner. But in the back of his mind he knew there was a very real possibility that this is the closest he will get to being intimate with Amy. She made it pretty clear that he was not husband material, let alone boyfriend material. Jake had never thought too much about being married, in fact it wasn’t even something he was sure he wanted to do. But for some reason, the fact that she didn’t think he could be a good husband hurt.

Jake wandered out into the kitchen, looking for anything containing alcohol. There were cartons of beers left on the table from outside in the hot tub. He sat on the couch in the dark living room and silently drank his beer. Before he knew one beer had turned into two which had turned into three. Finally he decided he couldn’t sit on the couch until he saw the sunrise, so he got up and went back to his room.

He laid in bed staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours. The only thought on his mind was her. In the little sleep he did get, he dreamt of her. Wearing that blue bikini, that was far more revealing than anything he had ever seen her in. He woke up in the morning to a series of knocks on his door. It was eight am in the morning, way to early for a non work day. He opened his door rubbing his eyes. “Hey we’re eating breakfast.” Charles said. “I made kuy teav pork and seafood noodle soup- a traditional Cambodian dish.” Jake slammed the door in his face trying not to throw up in his mouth at the idea of pork and seafood in one dish.

He threw on a clean plaid shirt and yesterday's jeans before he left his room to join his colleagues, he reminded himself - they were colleagues, at breakfast. “Look what the cat dragged from the garbage.” Rosa said cocking her head to one side. “You look like hell.” she noted.

“Yeah, well that’s what happens when you have one too many drinks.” Jake said taking a seat as far away from Amy as he possibly could. Unfortunately that mean in between Boyle and Hitchcock. The smell of whatever Charles had created piled on top of Hitchcock's body odor made him want to vomit. Yet it was still better than sitting next to Amy. Probably.

“You didn’t drink anything at the hot tub.” Amy said looking at him as if she was concerned about him. She didn’t care he reminded himself. If she cared, she wouldn’t have agreed to sit on his lap last night. Or tried to kiss him, and then later kissed him back. She wouldn’t have agreed to pretend the whole thing never happened. And she definitely wouldn’t have worn that little blue bikini, that will definitely haunt him in his dreams.

“We have a big day planned for today.” Terry said breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over them. “We’re going to do the ski lift that takes us to the top of the mountain. Then there's the mountain coaster that will go up into the mountain as well. Then I thought we could play a game of laser tag. After that we’re going to go hiking in the state park to a waterfall.”

“Good lord Terry.” Jake said putting his head in hands trying to ignore the headache that was coming on. When everyone was done eating, they all piled into Terry’s minivan. Jake chose a bucket seat, careful not to get the seat next to Amy.

Eventually they pulled into the parking lot for the ski lift. “We’ll have to do it in partners of two.” Terry told the group “so everyone pair off.” Jake looked to Boyle, who tilted his head toward Amy. Jake sent daggers at Boyle with his eyes.

“Looks like we are the only two left.” Amy sent with a grin on her face as she walked over to him.

“Oh yeah, looks like it.” he replied. They waited in line with everyone else. Neither Jake nor Amy said anything to the other. Silence usually wasn’t awkward between the two of them. But this silence was suffocating. When it was their turn to load into the cart, they each sat as far apart as they could from each other.

“There’s a camera up there, so make sure that you smile.” The attendant told them as he lowered the safety bar.

“Lovely.” Jake muttered under his breath. Just like standing in the line, going up the mountain was painfully quiet. Jake swung his legs back and forth in a nervous like motion.

“Look.” Amy said to him finally. “I’m sorry that things got so awkward last night.” He stopped swinging his legs. There was no escape. He was trapped in this little car hanging on a cable wire, only half way up the biggest hill he had seen his whole life. “But that dosen’t mean that we can’t like still be friends. Nothing has to change.”

He closed his eyes for a second. “I’m sorry that I’ve been kind of a dick about it.” He admitted. “It’s just you know, awkward.”

“Like so awkward.” Amy agreed with a laugh. “At least you didn’t get Hitchcock's stripper money.”

“How have we not talked about that?” He said laughing.

“Well, you should know, that there is no one else’s lap that I would rather have sat on then yours. In the group. At the hot tub. Not just in general.” Amy said stumbling through her words.

“Aims.” he said laughing at her trying to stutter her way out of that one. “It’s okay and for what it’s worth, you’re a good kisser.” Oh god. Why did he say that. The cart had started descending back down the mountain, and Jake wanted more than anything to jump. But instead he forced himself to look at her. It was as if she could read his mind, because the next thing he knew she was leaning in and they became far closer than they were the whole way up the hill. Her lips touched his, and once again that tingling feeling was back. He wrapped an arm around her deepening the kiss and pulling her closer to him. It wasn’t as passionate as last night. It was the kind of kiss where if it was the last one he would be totally okay with that. Well mostly okay with that. Okay he could never be okay with not kissing her but this would come close to being okay.

His hands moved up to cup her cheeks, while she moved her hands into his hair. When she finally pulled back, there were close enough to the ground to see Terry’s van in the parking lot. “So that happened.” He said still resting his forehead on hers.

“Yeah.” Amy said raising her voice an octave. He recognized the tone, it was the one she used when she was regretting something. Shit he thought. The attendance at the bottom undid the safety bar. “How was the ride?” He asked them as they got out of the car.

“Great.” Jake said dramatically. Amy and him walked into the gift shop at the bottom of the lift. They had all the pictures on the wall.

“Oh no.” Amy said pointing to one of the pictures. Jake followed her finger to see a picture of the two of them kissing. “What do we do? What do we do?” She was clearly panicking.

Jake walked up to the employee working the photo booth. “If I buy a picture, will you take it off the screen?” The employee nodded her head. “Okay I will take the picture of us.” He said motioning back to where Amy was standing terrified that any one of their co workers would get off the lift come in here and see the picture. Jake gave the girl cash, and the girl handed him the picture in a plastic bag. “ See problem solved.” Jake said as he handed Amy the bag.

“What? I don’t want that.” She said pushing it back towards him. “ Well I don’t want it!” he pushed it back towards her. They continued like this until Terry and Gina got off the lift and came into the giftshop. Jake frantically tossed the bag at Any one last time, so that she would be stuck with it.

“Oh what did you buy?” Terry asked her.

“Uh, I bought a snow globe.” She said grabbing one off the nearest shelf. “I have a collection at home, and thought this one couldn’t be passed up.” It was a good lie, but she over confiscated with a dramatic laugh.

“What’s next Tear Bear” Gina asked when the rest of the group showed up.

“Laser tag.” Terry informed the rest of the group.

----------

The group gathered in the lobby of the lazer tag. “Alright, we’re going to do this in groups. There will be two team captains. I will be one, does anyone volunteer to be the other.”

Rosa raised her hand. “Great. So I will pick who I want first. Jake.”

“Amy.” Terry said.

“Boyle” Rosa chose.

“Gina.” Terry said.

“Scully.” Rosa decided that he was the lesser of two evils.

“Damn.” Terry muttered. “Hitchcock.”

They went back into the holding room and put on the gear. “This is so much lighter than what I’m used to.” Jake said.

“It’s cause your playing laser tag, and lasers don’t hurt when you get hit.” Gina said to him. “I should create a twitter account and tweet all the stupid things you say.” She walked away back to her team.

Amy walked up to Jake, “So whose team do you think is going to win, cause I have a pretty good idea.”

“You really think you guys are going to win. Please you have Gina who doesn't shoot a gun for living and hitchcock.”

“Yeah, but we have Terry and myself.” She said with a smirk.

“Wow someone is feeling a little confident. Even if you are that good, there is no way you are going to rack up more points than me,”

“You want to bet?” She asked getting slightly aggressive. “Fifty dollars says I get more shots than you. And you know I have plenty of money.”

“Your on but be warned I am going to beat you Santiago. And take your stripper money.”

“We’ll see.” She said winking as she walked away back to her team. It’s like she’s trying to kill me he thought. The employee quickly explained the rules to them, although no one in the group was listening. Except for Amy, because of course she was. When he opened the door and told them they could go, everyone in the group took off running into the dark room.

Jake made his way into the back wanting to find a good hiding spot so he could shoot people who ran near him. The laser sensor on his chest lit up letting him know that the game had officially begun. He could hear running on the top level, so he positioned himself so he was ready to shoot whoever was about to come flying down the stairs.

He needed a radio, someway to communicate with Diez about who was where. Laser tag should really up their game. Whoever was above him just keep pacing around up there. It was probably Scully who didn’t understand how to play the game. He was startled when he heard the sound of a laser hitting his vest. He looked down and sure enough the red was flashing. “Ha got ya.” he heard Amy say. “Take that. Santiago one, Peralta zero.”

“That’s not fair you distracted me.” he said as he got up from his apparently not so good hiding place. He dropped his gun to his side and let it dangle from the wire.

“Oh please, do tell me how I distracted you.” She asked also dropping her gun and putting her hands on her hips. Jake took a step towards her while she instinctively took a step back.

“Well for starters, I think that you put someone up to the job of pacing around upstairs. Because you knew I would be down here and get distracted. That gave you the perfect opportunity to sneak up behind me.” He kept walking towards her and she kept walking backwards until her back hit the wall. He could audibly hear her breath hitch.

“Secondly, I think you knew I would be laying low in the back, as you gave me the idea last year during one of those stupid mandatory trainings that the captain made us go on. Which I will say it’s not a bad idea.” He put his hands on either side of her traping her between him and the wall.

“And lastly, I'm beginning to think that you kissed me on the ski lift solely for the purpose of making me too distracted to beat you in laser tag. You probably knew you would make a bet with me before we got into the cart.” Both of their vest had lit backup, but neither one of them moved to grab their guns. Jake was standing so close to her he could smell her vanilla perfume. It was intoxicating, and he wanted to bury his face into her skin to soak up as much of it as he could.

“Some of those may be correct.” She admitted standing on her tiptoes. “But I think we both know the real reason I kissed you on the ski lift.” She put her arms around his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.

“Cause I’m just that good?” he asked in his boyish voice.

“Well I think you did say it the best. ‘You’re a good kisser you know?” She said quoting his words from the ski lift. She reached up and grabbed his hair pulling his lips down to meet hers. Jake moved his hands from the wall, one to wrap around her waist, and the other into her hair. Her hair was slightly tangled, probably from running, but it was still soft, and he imagined it smelt as good as her perfume.

He licked her bottom lip and she opened her mouth slightly more, allowing him to slip the tip of his tongue into her mouth. God, he was going to end up addicted to way she tasted. He moaned into her mouth as she bit his bottom lip.

All of a sudden the room was lit up with lights that were obnoxiously bright. Amy’s face grew bright red and he quickly backed away. “So uh I’ll go this way?” He said pointing to his left.

“Yeah and I’ll go this way.” Amy said pointing in the opposite direction, before each of them quickly left the corner. Outside the whole group was standing looking at the tv monitor showing the score.

“We won!” Terry exclaimed at Rosa. “Take that.” Rosa looked at the board for a second as if she was looking for a reason the score was wrong.

“Wait a minute.” Gina said. “Look at Jake’s score. He scored no points.” Gina pointed at Jake’s name on the tv, and sure enough attached to his name was a big fat zero.

“His gun was broken, that’s the only way Jake wouldn’t have had more points than the rest of us combined. Jake is like a God when it comes to laser tag”

“Yeah that’s definitely it. I kept trying to shoot, but nothing would happen.” Jake said mentally thanking Charles to throw out that excuse.

“That’s weird I never saw you.” Gina said.

“He was hiding, under the stairs, probably trying to shoot people as they came down them.” Amy said trying to distract people from the fact that she herself had only shoot one person. “It’s actually a great idea” She added.

Gina looked between Jake and Amy for a second. “Are you guys having sex?” She asked her eyes still darting back and forth between the two of them as if she was trying to solve the mystery.

“What? Gina, how could we have possibly been having sex during the laser tag game?” Jake asked.

“I meant like last night after the hot tub, but the fact that you just brought up the laser tag game makes me a bit curious.” She tilted her head to the side looking only at Jake now.

“I’m not having sex with Amy.” Jake said.

“Okay.” Gina said giving up her argument, although she never did wipe the smug grin off her face. As the group walked out Gina came up right behind Jake. “I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re horny, and well, I know. Don’t try to hide anything from Gina, because Gina always finds out. Tootles.” She skipped ahead of him to the front of the group. Jake felt like his face was on fire.

-------

The hike to the waterfall was only a mile, but if that mile went anything like the rest of day, Jake knew it was going to feel more like ten miles. Everyone had gone except for Hitchcock and Scully, who said walking wasn’t their thing. No one protested their decision.

“After this the only thing we have left is the mountain coaster. And luckily for us, it’s going to be dark which means the track will be all lit up. The girls always loved it.” Terry told the group.

Jake and Amy had fallen slightly behind the group. “We have to stop secretly making out. Someone is going to catch onto us eventually.” Amy whispered

“Like you could resist all this.” Jake said gesturing down to his body.

“What exactly is all that?” Amy asked raising an eyebrow at him.

“The thing you can’t resist.” Jake said repeating what he had said two seconds ago.

“You’re such a idiot. I can’t believe I am actually attracted to you.” Amy said with a sigh.

“Oh so you admit it. You find me hot. I’m so going to tease you about this. Score for Peralta.”

“Of course I find you attractive, I don’t make out with people that repulse me, although I guess people can fall into two categories.” She said looking directly over at him, with eyes that glared ‘that’s you’.

“Aww Aims. That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He said with a big goofy grin on his face.

“I hate myself.” She said right before she grabbed him by the wrist and pushed him back until his back hit a tree. “How does it feel to be cornered?”

“I’m so turned on right now.” He said as she kissed him, her hands once again making their way to his hair. “Grab it like you did in the hot tub.” He told her in between kisses. She did what she was told grabbing a lock and pulling it back harder than she had the day before.

He opened his mouth, and she ran her tongue over his teeth. Jake put his arms around her waist pulling her as close to him as he possibly could. He then moved his hands under her shirt to feel her skin. Soft. Just like he had imagined. He moved his hands up from her waist to the edge of her bra creeping his fingertips under the fabric.

“I need you.” She whispered into his ear noticing the way he swallowed his adam apple bobbing. His eyes were far darker than the sweet chocolate brown eyes she was used to.

“Well then you should’ve worn a skirt.” He said back is voice low and laced with desire.

“I hate you.” She whispered back although she couldn’t help the smile that crept over her face. She went back to kissing him shoving her tongue into his mouth. It was sloppy, but he didn’t mind. They were cut off when they heard laughter that was unmistakably Gina’s. “Fuck.” Amy hissed. “Did they make it all the way to waterfall and back down?” Amy quickly backed away from Jake and kneeled on the ground pretending to tie her shoe.

Jake walked over and stood next to her. “Hurry up!” He shouted just as the group rounded the corner. “They’re probably already at the top.” He glanced up and saw everyone walking towards them. “Damn it Amy. I really wanted to see the waterfall.”

“I didn’t ask you to stay with me.” She defensively as she got up.

“Wait were you guys not up there?” Charles asked.

“No I had to wait on Amy to tie her shoe.” Jake responded. The group continued to walk and Amy joged up to the front to be away from Jake.

“Uh huh.” Gina whispered into his ear again. “I’m sure that’s what happened.”

“It was.” Jake said dryly as they continued to walk towards the van.

-------

Terry was not joking about the coaster having a lot of lights. Jake could see lights all the way up at the top of the hill. “Uh how fast does this thing go?” Jake asked watching the other carts come flying off the hill.

“About thirty miles an hour. Not too bad.”

“Thirty miles an hour? In a cart with no sort of roof?” Jake asked freaking out slightly. “Not too bad?”

“Aw are you scared Jake?” Rosa asked clearly mocking him.

“Yeah a little. I’ve never been a big roller coaster fan.” he admitted.

“Well they put two people in a car, so there will be someone else in there with you.” Terry told him as they got in line.

“I’ll go with you.” Amy said. Turning around to smile at him, he knew exactly why she wanted to get in his cart. He had to give her credit though, that was far more brave than he expected her to be. From behind him he could hear Gina snickering.

Soon it was their turn. Jake got into the car first, while Amy climbed in after him. The employee buckled them into the seat and told them to have a fun time before the cart was slowly moving up the hill.

It was quiet out in the middle of the woods. The only thing he could hear was the crickets chirping, and the sound of the cart being pulled up the hill by the cable wire. “This is nice.” Amy whispered.

“Yeah.” he agreed tucking her head under his chin. And then it hit him, that’s what boyfriends would do, and he was definitely not her boyfriend. Unless she wanted him to be. He quickly jerked his head back up away from her. He heard her sigh.

“Jake?” She asked.

“Yeah?”

“The whole reason I got into this cart with you, is so that you would kiss me again, and we’re almost halfway up the hill. Tell me I did not risk everyone knowing that I am... “ She took a deep breath “attracted to you for us to just sit in silence.”

Jake leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Well, I can’t reach your lips.” He said kissing down to her ear, biting lightly on her cartilage. She let out a small moan as he worked his way down to her neck circling the skin with his tongue before lightly sucking the area. Her hands gripped onto his arms that were wrapped tightly around her, digging her nails into his skin.

“I hate how good at this you are.” She whimpered as his mouth found a sensitive spot on her neck. He would have to remember that for later tonight he noted.

“Title of your sex tape.” He said. Jake looked up momentarily and realized that they were almost at the top of the hill. “Shit. I really don’t want to do this.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, thirty miles is like how fast the kid’s roller coasters go.”

“Thank you for distracting me.” He said as the cart reached the top of the hill. Right before it started to go down, Amy grabbed onto his hands giving a supportive squeeze. The cart was soon plummeting down the hill, Amy’s hair flying behind her. And yep, it smelt amazing. Jake gripped on to her hands so hard, he was slightly worried that he was hurting her.

It didn’t take long for Jake to be able to see the ground. He let out a breathe as the cart started slowing down. “See that wasn't that bad.” Amy said.

“Yes it was.” he said. “Don’t ever ask me to go an amusement park.” Amy laughed and let go of his hand. His hand had never felt so empty, so unnatural.

“Back to the cabin now right?” Amy asked Terry very anxiously the second she saw him. Jake couldn’t help but crack a slight smile for the reason that she was so anxious to get back to the cabin.

-------

At the cabin, everyone had decided that it had been a really long day. So they all decided that they should just go to bed. In his room Jake took off his flannel and threw it on the ground searching for a t shirt to wear. A knock at the door stopped his search. When he went to open it, he was not surprised at all to see Amy.

Jake moved from the doorway and let her into his room. He quietly closed the door behind her. “Alright, I’ve been waiting for this moment, since the second I sat on your lap yesterday in the hot tub, so no funny business okay?” She had her eyes squinted as if she was already pissed at him.

“Funny business? Who do you think I am Holt?” He asked sarcastically with a smirk.

“Oh I wish you were Holt.” she said back her eyes still narrowed.

“Okay just gonna ignore that.” he said. She took her shirt off and his mouth suddenly became drier than it ever had.

“Stop staring and take off your pants.” she ordered. He did as he was told throwing them into the pile of clothes that was now growing. He stepped towards her and kissed her the way he had several times already today. It didn’t take long for her to end up on his bed, and him hovering over her kissing down her neck, paying special attention to the spot he had discovered on the coaster.

His hands roamed up and down her stomach, while her hands did the same to his chest. His fingers found their way to her underwear. “You sure?” He asked playing with the band.

“Jakey” She whimpered. “So help me God.” he took that as a yes. He slipped a finger under the band.

“God I love it when you call me that. You should do it more often.” Just then there was a knock at the door.

“Who the hell is that?” Amy asked with fear in her voice.

“Who is it?” He shouted looking into her eyes, brows furrowing with the same fear that she had.

“It’s Charles. I’m coming in.”

“NO!” Jake shouted, but it was too late Charles opened the door and dropped whatever he was holding when he saw the way Jake and Amy were laying in his bed. With no clothes on other than bra and underwear.

“Are you two…” Charles asked his mouth. “Oh my gosh, you two were going to make love. I knew you wouldn’t be able to deny your chemistry after the hot tub.” Amy moved her hands up to her face. “Well forget I was here, and go back to what you were doing.” He closed the door behind him, but they could still hear him say “Oh! I love it! two young kids in love!” from the hall.

Amy moved her hands away from her face, and Jake thought that she might be about to cry. “This.” She started her voice breaking. “This was a mistake.” She finished. He moved over to get off of her. “I should go.” she got out of his bed and gathered her clothes that had been discarded on the floor. Jake watched her go lightly closing the door behind her.

Why didn’t they lock the door he mentally cursed himself. Jake grabbed his phone off the bedside table and sent a text to Charles. “Please don’t tell anyone what you saw.”

Charles responded almost right away. “I can try, but you know I can’t promise.” Another one came through “I really well try though” And then another one. “Like I will try my hardest.” And another “But you guys should definitely go at it tonight.” And another “don’t forget that washing her hair is the most romantic thing you can do.”

“I will block you.” Jake finally texted back before shutting his phone off completely off. He got up and was about to put back on his shirt when he decided to screw it. He left his room turning off the light and closing the door behind him.

He didn’t even knock on Amy’s door, instead he just barged in. “You know what. That may have been a mistake, but it was the best mistake that I’ve ever made. I’ve had more fun sneaking around with you all day, than i’ve had with any girlfriend I can remember. The damage is already done. Charles is going to tell people we had sex whether we do or don’t, so shouldn’t we give them something to really talk about?” He finished, he didn’t mean to say that much it just kind of came out.

“I was hoping you would come over Jakey.” She said as she got up and kissed him for what felt like the thousandth time that day.

[avengerdragoness]

Trauma and Healing: Pride [Jason Todd x Reader]

A/n: Ch. 6! Sorry it took a while to get it out and I hope you guys like it! I loved writing it because I haven’t written for this series for a while. I hope you loves love it! Let me know what you loves think! Enjoy!

Italicized = Flashback

Warnings: Mentions of rape and assault, hearing whispers, mental illness, flashbacks to abuse

Tagging: @cherryignacio @queen-of-all-the-fandoms @keepjasontoddsafefromeveryone @aworldwideapart @just-a-girl-maybe @bat-lakota @sad-horchata @miraisnotavailable @comicbookworm @kazuha159

Ch. 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3 - Ch. 4 - Ch. 5 - Ch. 7 - Ch. 8 - Ch. 9 - Alternate Ending

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Ch. 6 Pride

After they left that night you stayed on the roof, finishing your cigarette while watching the city lights. Listening to the voices whispering in your ears. Blowing out a puff of smoke you took in the feeling of the warm breeze tickle your skin. Letting out a breath you snuffed out your cigarette. Thoughts of the day rushed through your memory, shopping with Kori, getting samples with Roy, the bookstore with Jason. Is this what it’s like to have a normal life? Hanging out with your friends and enjoying life? You’d never enjoyed your life until now.

Taking a deep breath you took in the scent of the city with a hint of the ocean which was just a few miles away. Sighing you relaxed against the ledge, thinking ‘everything’s going to be alright.’

Saying goodnight to the city lights you turned around and headed to the fire escape. Climbing down you slipped in your window, closing it behind you and flipping the lock. Looking into the empty apartment a familiar, haunting, feeling of loneliness appeared in your heart. You hadn’t felt this in months, not since you were saved by Jason, Roy, and Kori.

Walking in the kitchen you chuckled at what was at the counter. Jason had left a note reminding you to eat and that there are leftovers in the fridge. “Such a worrier” mumbling to yourself before grabbing some left over chinese from the fridge. As it warmed up in the microwave you grabbed your book you had gotten earlier with Jason and flipped it to the first page. Reading the opening line aloud: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

“Hmm, ‘want of a wife.’” Repeating before the microwave went off. Setting the book aside you took out the food and grabbed a fork. Leaning against the counter you held the book in front of your face with one hand while the other scooped food up on the fork and into your mouth. Finishing up you tossed the dishes in the sink and marked your page before heading into your room to get ready for bed. After changing and brushing your teeth you nestled into your bed sheets. Missing saying ‘goodnight’ to Roy, Kori, and Jason. Along with the way one of them would always check up on you before the lot went to bed. Who where you kidding? They’re all worriers.

Falling asleep you had a dreamless night. Feeling as if you had just fallen asleep minutes prior, but light was peeking through your window, telling you it was morning. Slipping from your bed you found the apartment still empty, checking each of their rooms to find them abandoned. When checking Jason’s room you found some papers pertaining to the mission they were on now. Flipping through the pages you skimmed the text and pictures, though looking deeper into the pictures, it brought back terrifying memories.

“Would you restrain the little bitch already?!” A man yelled, your lungs burned from screaming. You felt belts tighten around your wrists and legs, strapping you to a chair. Your screaming continued until one of the men slapped you across your cheek, silencing you long enough to put tape over your mouth.

Seconds later a metal door was heard opening and slamming shut. A large man with dark hair and cold grey eyes appeared in front of you. A smirk that showed his yellowing teeth played on his vile features. “Well aren’t you a pretty one? My names King and we’re going to have some fun today princess.”

Your stomach turned at the way he eyed you and you felt the need to be sick. He walked over to a table with a bunch of tools. His hands hovered over them. “Now you can listen and behave, or you can be in a whole world of pain.” Tears streamed down your face as you watched him. You nodded as if saying you would behave. Smiling he removed the tape from your mouth. Crouching in front of you, his hand resting on your thigh, making you flinch. “Please” you begged, “Please don’t hurt me.”

“Oh I’m not gonna hurt you, princess.” His other hand held your chin before moving down your chest. That made you fight your bonds yelling “No! Stop! Don’t touch me!” His smirk dropped at your fighting. “Hard way it is” he growled before grabbing a prod and plunging it into your side, it sending electricity through you.

The jolt brought you back to reality as you jumped away from the pictures of the place where they break the girls and boys they kidnap. Break them to do their bidding, to be bought and sold. Breathing felt like the hardest thing on the planet, hands running through your hair before your knees buckled under you. A sob escaping your throat, your hand covering your mouth to muffle it. You weren’t sure how long you were crumpled on the floor, time seemed to stand still as your demons and nightmares came flooding back.

Not snapping out of it until hearing the apartment door open. Quickly, you wiped your cheeks and eyes. Composing yourself before walking out of the room. “[F/n]!” Kori cheered before tackling you into a hug. “Welcome home” but your reply was flat and void of any emotion. Kori looked at you quizzically but you shook it off. “Did you guys take the place down?” Asking as you walked away from her.

“Um we were just surveilling last night. Tonight we’re taking it down.” Jason answered. You turned to Jason, “I’m going with you.”

They all were shocked at your outburst. “No, nope, not gonna happen.” Jason shook his head. “Why not?!”

“[F/n] you’re not ready” Roy interjected. Your blood began to boil, “I’m going and you can’t stop me!” Yelling at them all. “It’s too dangerous” Kori put a hand on your shoulder of which you swatted away. “And I can handle myself! I’m going!”

“You’re not” Jason shook his head with his arms crossed. “And who's gonna stop me? You? Going to put a bullet in me? I’m used to it.” At that you turned around and pushed the window open, in desperate need of a smoke you climbed the fire escape.

Kori, Roy, and Jason exchanged a look. Sighing Jason went after you, slipping out on the fire escape. When he met you on the roof you already had a lit cigarette between your lips. “[F/n]” calling as he met your side. Looking at you, he waited for answers.

Sighing you turned to him, not meeting his eyes. “I just… I just need to go Jason. I have too.”

“Why?”

“Why?” You scoffed, meeting his blue hues with your own [e/c] ones. “Because… Because those bastards raped and tortured me. I want to be the ones to beat them to a bloody pulp, to break them the way they broke me.” You growled through grit teeth. Your tone was dangerously low and your fists were clenched so hard your knuckles turned white. If Jason didn’t know better, he’d think he was looking at some complete other person.

Jason stared at you, recognizing that look, that anger, he knew this was important. “Fine, but one condition. You’re with me the entire time. You never leave my side, understand?”

You nodded and his shoulders relaxed. He leaned against the ledge, “Got anymore of those?” Chuckling you handed him the pack. Turning he faced you, the cigarette hanging loosely between his lips. Handing you the pack back you returned it to it’s hiding place on the roof, walking in front of  him you held your lighter to his mouth. Your eyes flickered to his after lighting it, just now noticing how close you both were.

His eyes were trained on your lips before his flickered to yours. Both looking in each other’s eyes for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and leaned back against the ledge. You looked back out at the city, “I.. I didn’t mean to go off on you. I just, saw the pictures on your desk and recognized the place.” Shrugging before taking a drag of your cigarette.

“That’s where they break the people they kidnap?” He asked, looking over to you. You nodded in response, not having the courage to look over at him. “They did terrible things.” Your voice came out as a barely audible whisper, remembering the flashback you had. “I’m so---” He tried to say but you cut him off. “Please, don’t.” He nodded, before sighing. Snuffing out his cigarette, “If you’re coming we have to prep you.” You turned to him and followed his action of snuffing out the cigarette. “Let’s do this.”

Jason lead you back into the apartment. Roy and Kori were on the fence about allowing you on the mission but once you told them about what happens there, they understood. They briefed you on everything they had learned the prior night and Jason showed you the route you’d be accompanying him on. That lead all the way up until it was time to leave.

You were nervous, heart pounding while staring at your reflection in the mirror. The whispers ever so slightly in your ears. Your suit was black with [f/c] highlights. A domino mask covered your eyes and your hair was tied out of your face. A gun lay in a holster on your hip in case of emergency and a knife in the holster of your boot. You looked like a hero. Someone completely different. A new person entirely, someone stronger, more powerful, someone who could make a difference. For the first time in your life, you felt pride.

Nothing tore you out of your state or silenced the voices until a knock resounded on your door. “[F/n], you ready?” Kori asked as she came in the room. You nodded turning to her, “Do I fit the part?” She smiled and nodded, “[S/h/n] is going to be a force to be reckon with.” Kori’s encouraging words made the pride swell in your chest more.

Kori gestured for you to follow her and with a deep inhale and exhale you did, walking out into the living room where Jason and Roy saw you for the first time as [S/h/n]. “Whoa [F/n], lookin’ good.” Roy complemented soon after receiving a glare from Jason that went unnoticed by you. Looking at Roy you thanked him but your attention diverted to Jason, “What about you Jay? Good?” gesturing to yourself.

“Uhh” his mouth all of a sudden became dry and his two other teammates snickered. “Yeah, yeah you look great [F/n]. Really great.” You smiled at his words and nodded, that’s when Roy stood up. “Alright, now that we’re done fawning over [F/n]...Jason” He coughed, earning another glare from the marksman. “Let’s go kick some ass” Roy grinned and jumped out onto the fire escape. Kori close behind him.

Taking another calming deep breath, you went to follow. Though you were stopped by a hand on your shoulder, “Don’t worry, you can handle this.” Jason said as you turned to him. A small smile was quirked on his lips, and his eyes held a sort of adoration. “You’ll do great, just stay calm and focus. I’ll be right beside you.”

Grinning you gave him a confident nod, “I know, thanks Jay.”

“No problem, now let’s move out.” He gave your shoulder a light squeeze before heading out the window with you close on his trail. A smile adhered your features, they really believe in you.

[howsit-going-toend]

What Do YOU Want? Pt. 10

A Kwon Jiyong series ft. Kim Jiwon

Genre: Angst/Fluff *******VERY light smut

Word count: 4,500+

Summary: The most important person in the world to you can appear most often when you least expect it. But through everything, you can’t forget about you and your own happiness. Who are you happy with? Who is the best for you?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 

(A/N: All right we’re not even going to comment on the word count anymore. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this part and hope you all enjoy reading it!)

You were grateful for Bobby’s patience as you sat in silence, unable to reply to him as your anxious mind attempted to process everything that happened in the last ten minutes. Jiyong and you had been in the same room for the first time in well over six months and only one of you knew this; the same one that remained sat in a fetal position on the ground, limbs trembling beneath a wave of uncertainty. The way he spoke about you with Bobby had your head spinning.

You needed answers.

With a deep breath, you closed your eyes and attempted to preserve your sanity amongst the chaos. “Well, I’m ready to hear it if you’re ready to tell it.”

Bobby, who had stayed kneeling before you with his eyes fixed on the ground beside him, lifted his eyes to meet yours. With a sigh, he readjusted his position to sit crisscross-applesauce and gave a half-hearted smirk in your direction. You matched it with one of your own as you continued to mentally prepare yourself for his explanation.

“Just let me explain everything before you say anything, ok?” You nodded your head in response.

“So about a week after we left to continue our tour back in May, I got a phone call from Jiyong. It was really late at night and I was so tired but he asked me…actually wait, let me back up. Sorry, so around six months ago…”

“Six months ago?!” You interjected, already on the edge of your carpeted, nonexistent seat.

“Y/N…”

“Right, sorry, I’ll shut up. Go ahead.”

“Six months ago, I ran into him here and he stopped to talk with me. So, I don’t know if you knew this, but a few fan photos got released of Jinhwan, B.I., Mino, and I at the place where we’d all meet up for drinks. Though the fans never singled you out, you’re in those photos as well. They’re low quality, but anyone who knows you well enough can tell it’s you beside us.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion as you continued to listen. This was all news to you so far.

“Well, Jiyong must have seen those pictures because when he stopped to talk to me that day, like a week after they were released, he told me to look out for you for him. To please make sure you were safe.” Bobby took a pause to observe your reaction to his words but your face felt completely frozen.

“Well, I assured him that I would and then he asked if I’d do him a favor. I said of course, since he is my senior after all, but he just smiled and said nothing. I asked him what the favor was and he said there wasn’t one; he just wanted to be sure he could count on me. I just kind of walked away from that conversation completely confused after that. Until he called me in May, that is.” His eyes continued to dart between you and his hands as he made gestures to shape his sentences.

All your mind focused on now was the fact that May was when Nana Komatsu entered the picture.

What the hell could he have had to say about you?

“Like I said, it was really late and I was beat; we’d just finished a show and all I wanted to do was sleep. Hell, I’d already texted you good night, that’s how ready I was. But before I could, my phone went off and I answered it even though I didn’t recognize the number. It was Jiyong of course, and he asked if I was ready to do that favor for him.” He let out a sigh. “He asked if I would be sure to make your birthday special. He knew you wouldn’t want to make it a big deal, but… just about everything that happened that night was his idea.”

You gulped, as the redness returned to your cheeks and your lower lip began to tremble.

“I was freaking out, wanting to make the day as special for you as possible because he told me that he kind of fucked it up last year. He called me back and forth, several times for at least three days. I was worrying like crazy over what to get you until he told me that flowers were the only gift you’d ever accept. Hell, he’s the one who got in contact with our managers and personally arranged for us to fly home that day.” He paused once again before he looked up at your face in alarm.

“Y/N, please don’t cry! I should have told you sooner, I’m sorry, I’m so stupid. I didn’t want to upset you by talking about him, and you seemed so happy recently that I just couldn’t, I…”

“Bobby. It’s ok.” You pushed through the tears that had fought their way to your cheeks and interrupted his word vomit by placing a hand on one of his knees. “I’m not mad at you.” You took a deep breath. “I have no idea what to think right now, but I know that I am not mad at you. While I’m not stoked with how I found out, I’m glad that you didn’t tell me sooner.”

He looked up at you hopefully and placed his hand on yours that remained on his knee. “Really? Are you sure?”

You turned your hand to take hold of his and gave him a small smile. “I’m sure. This isn’t something I can really respond to right now. I need some time, you know? I need time to process this, if that’s all right.”

“Of course it’s all right. I understand. I’m about to be pretty busy for the next month anyways, so take all the time you need for yourself.” He responded with a glint of hope in his eyes.

“That means the world to me, Bobby. Promise me that you guys will celebrate your debut with me when it comes around?” You asked while simultaneously offering out your pinky.

He wrapped his pinky around yours and grinned. “I promise.”

You then let out an exasperated sigh and proceeded to get up. He quickly rose to grab hold of you before you could finish and lifted you on to your feet. He paused before letting go and instead wrapped his arms around you. You hugged him back tightly while the two of you stood, slowly swaying back and forth in the quiet studio.

When you pulled away from the hug, you saw Bobby glance up at the clock with a confused look on his face. As if you were capable of reading his mind, you broke the silence with a chuckle. “So, uh, I guess Mino made a run for it.” He laughed lightly in response as he brought one palm to meet his forehead.

“Now if the coast is clear, I’m going to need to cut this kidnapping short and request a ride back to my studio.” You joked to ease any tension that had resonated from the past few minutes.

“I can do that.” Bobby replied with a smile, before guiding the two of you out to the hall.

Despite taking an entire month to think everything through, nothing became any easier to understand. Just as he’d said, Bobby became extremely busy; the last leg of iKon’s tour wrapped up and was immediately followed by his and Mino’s solo debut. You didn’t see him at all through the mass of performances, rehearsals, and interviews, but it was for the best; you had enough on your mind. Jiyong’s voice haunted you every day as you tried your hardest to piece together the exact situation you two were in.

He allowed you to leave YG all those months ago without even lifting a finger. He completely ignored your attempts at contact in the weeks that lead to that moment and yet he told Bobby to look after you.

To look after you for him.

So, what? Was he encouraging the idea of you moving on to someone else? Had he accepted that any efforts towards the two of you getting back together was a lost cause, despite your attempts to communicate again? Then, he just went ahead and planned the events of your birthday; what had meant so much to you when you were under the impression that Bobby set up the whole thing. Now, you were entirely unsure how it made you feel.

Most people would probably find the idea incredibly romantic; contacting a past love’s new interest and ensuring they do right by them and fulfill the happiness they weren’t able to help preserve themselves. But in the days following the reveal of this information, there was something that ate away at you, preventing you from swooning over his gestures.

As the mornings and nights passed before your eyes, you felt incredibly confused as your mind raced with thoughts of Jiyong and Nana. Your intuition that told you they’d become a pairing had been solidified after they were spotted having dinner not very long after that photoshoot published. You’d accepted he was happy without you and reminded yourself nearly every day; but finding out what he’d said to Bobby changed everything. If they were an item, then why did it seem so important to him that your birthday was special? How did he even remember this year? Why did he care?

Did he still care?

Did you still care…?

You wiped your face with both of your hands and groaned in frustration as the thoughts and questions that haunted you every day for the past month reared their ugly heads once again. You were in your dance studio, having just dismissed your last class of the day.

With a sigh, you pressed play on your phone that was hooked up to a set of speakers and continued with the best therapy treatment you’ve ever known. As the songs passed by, one after the other, you continued to throw your limbs into the air, moving in sync with the beat. You closed your eyes and put your heart and soul into the dance, allowing every move to come naturally to you in a rhythmic freestyle.

The ninth song of your playlist ended while you stood in front of your mirror, hunched over with your hands on your knees. You remained there, relishing in the rush of endorphins as silence temporarily filled the room. The only sound that remained was that of exasperated breathing as you attempted to regain control of your pulse, until Bruno Mars’ voice broke through the quiet.

Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same

A rush of energy immediately restored itself as you ran to your phone with lightning speed. You tapped the home button to silence the song right before the chorus could start. You let out a contented sigh, thinking you dodged a bullet until you glanced down at the phone’s home screen and allowed your Instagram notifications to draw your attention elsewhere.

You ignored the feeling of déjà vu as best as you could when you saw the exceptionally high spike in notifications.

You gulped, knowing exactly whose face you were bound to see as you opened the app to investigate. What more could life throw at you at this point?

“G-Dragon’s Private Instagram Account Revealed by Hacker.”

“G-Dragon’s Private Instagram Account Gets Hacked amid Dating Rumors.”

“G-Dragon’s Private Instagram Gets Set Public by Hacker; Reveals Couple Photos with Komatsu Nana.”

Oh. That.

A fire ignited itself in your chest as you instantly took to Google to paste the handful of headlines in the search engine. You had unfollowed Jiyong’s private account long ago to avoid seeing such content and you could feel your cheeks and ears redden with anxiety as you scrolled through the articles.

Some crazed fan had taken it upon themselves to hack his private Instagram account and temporarily reset all settings to public. From there, it would seem other fans and news outlets reposted the photos. There were hundreds, sometimes hundreds of thousands of comments on every reposted picture; many of them tagged you in the hopes to gain some sort of response.

You actually felt for him, you really did. There was no excuse for this massive invasion of privacy and you could only imagine how it made him feel.

But as you glanced at the uncovered images, you couldn’t fight the strong urge to break down.

It was one thing to accept the man you once called the love of your life moving on to someone else, but it was another thing entirely to see him pictured with them. You scrolled past images of him sitting beside her at dinners and events, and past those that captured more intimate moments; one of his hand, identified by a smiley face tattoo, with his fingers intertwined in hers. As a single tear made its way down your face, you closed your eyes and sighed.

He’s happy without me, I’m-

As you began to repeat the phrase that had gotten you through the past nine months with your head held high, you were startled by your text tone. A smile found its way to your face as you saw Bobby’s name appear on your screen for the first time in weeks.

BB: Hey you. Hope you’ve been doing ok. Mino and I are going out tonight to officially celebrate our debut and would love if you came with. Miss you.

Y/N: Aish, so sappy…I miss you too though. I’m down, just gimme a time.

You’d replied almost instantly and stared back at the messages with a warmth in your chest. You concluded that you deserved to have a good night and you knew you’d always find that with Bobby. In the month of no communication between the two of you, you’d realized just how grateful you were for him. You’d spent the bulk of the year bringing happiness back into your life and knew you owed much of those efforts to him.

As you thought of Bobby and continued to observe the swarm of notifications from Instagram, bringing your mind back to those pictures, you sighed.

He’s happy without me; I’m happy without him.

You completely immersed yourself in the music that blared through the speakers of the club that night. As you continued to throw back celebratory shot after shot with Bobby, it was the booming bass that consumed you. Your fear of all sorts of confrontation had you opting out of bringing up your last conversation and instead, the two of you took to the dancefloor to move around like idiots.

There was a warmth in your chest; a combination of the bliss that came from seeing Bobby again and the alcohol that your body continuously worked to absorb.

As Psy’s “Daddy” pulsed through the club’s sound system, Bobby’s ridiculously frantic dance moves had you doubled over with laughter. You reached out to put a hand on his shoulder to still his movements, unable to take any more of the stomach pains while giggles continued to pull themselves out of you. You gestured to the bar, letting him know you were getting the two of you another round of shots. He nodded in response as he turned back to the crowd of people and continued to flail his arms in the air. You shook your head and chuckled as you made your way to the bartender.

After ordering your round, you stood with your hands supporting your weight against the bar, bobbing your head side to side along with the music. You watched as the bartender filled two small glasses while a tall figure stood at the seat beside you. You blinked as your eyes adjusted themselves to the proximity of the slender man and observed his features. You unintentionally stared at his long neck leading to jet black hair that was slicked back as he ran a hand through it and spoke to a woman in the seat next to him.

Your eyes widened as you reached an eager hand out to get his attention. You blinked once again as he turned around, allowing you to see all of his features.

“Jiyong! I’ve been looking all over for you, where have you been!?” You exclaimed, throwing your hands in the air.

Mino just stared back at you in confusion. “What did you say, Y/N?”

You paused, realizing the word that had come out of your mouth and brought both hands to your face. “Mino…I said, Mino…right? Of course I did.” You attempted to reassure yourself while Mino brought a hand to rest on your shoulder. His gaze redirected to the two shot glasses that were then placed in front of you on the bar.

In one motion, he grabbed both glasses and looked back at you with concern. “I think you’ve had enough, Y/N.” He said while taking one of the shots himself. He handed you the other glass while extending his index finger in an authoritative manner. “This is for Bobby, ok? Be safe tonight.” Panic attempted to flood your nerves as you stared back at him. “Please don’t tell him that I…”

“I won’t Y/N. I promise.” He reassured and gently ruffled your hair before turning back to continue the conversation with the other woman.

You cursed yourself for the amount you’d drank and allowing it to take such a toll on your senses. In your defense, Mino looked dangerously similar to Jiyong and just about everyone recognized this. But you knew he was right and that it was time to slow down on the booze for the night. You shook all senses of stress away before returning to Bobby, who was still spinning around sporadically on the dancefloor.

As the night progressed and you and Bobby both began to succumb to exhaustion, you decided to call a cab and return to your apartment. After literally dancing the night away, all the two of you wanted was a tall glass of water and some mindless bantering.

You both stumbled into the apartment, giggling like crazy as you made your way to the kitchen to find two glasses. You each let out a contented sigh after simultaneously taking a large gulp of water.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.” You chuckled as you reached both arms up in a stretch, fatigue pulling at your body.

“Same. I don’t think I dance that much even on stage.” He returned with a similar feeling of exhaustion evident in his voice.

“You can stay over tonight if you want, you know. You’re already here after all.” You replied in a small voice, unsure if it was the most appropriate offer to make.

He looked back at you, clearly fighting the look of shock that graced his sharp features. “Would that be all right?” He asked, swaying slowly back and forth as if he was about to collapse into unconsciousness at any minute.

“Nope, that’s totally why I just offered it, right?” You teased before taking a step towards him. “Seriously though, you might as well… and I miss you staying here.” You muttered, almost in a mumble as you watched a shy smile pull at his cheeks and touch his eyes.

“I miss it too.” He replied, followed by a loud, exaggerated yawn. “So shall I get the couch set up or the floor or…?” You reached out with a chuckle and grabbed his hand before he could continue to stall. You took him with you as you both wandered to the bedroom.

“I should have a pair of sweatpants that’ll fit you, but I’m not sure if I have any shirts that are big enough.” You said while sifting through your dresser as Bobby perched himself on the bed.

“That’s cool, I can manage.” He replied with another yawn. You found a pair of sweatpants that have always been too baggy to be worn out in public and lifted yourself up while closing the bottom dresser drawer. As you turned back to the bed, you found Bobby sitting on the edge wearing just his dark jeans; his button-up had been discarded somewhere on the floor, leaving his toned upper body completely exposed as he leaned back on the bed.

“What?” He asked with a light chuckle as he caught you begin to stare. You shook your head in attempts to gain control of yourself and your now flushed cheeks before tossing the sweatpants to him. “Nothing. Just put these on while I go get changed, punk.” He grinned as you made a beeline for the bathroom with your pajamas, avoiding eye contact.

You composed yourself, throwing on an oversized t-shirt and boy shorts; your usual form of pajamas. With one last look at yourself in the mirror, you returned to the bedroom, stumbling slightly as you saw Bobby who now lay sitting up in the bed with the covers pulled up to his waist.

“Sup.” He said while you could only chuckle in response. You meandered to your side of the bed, careful to not bump into anything as the alcohol attempted to work itself out of your system.

“Hey dude.” You finally replied once you found a comfortable spot beneath the sheets.

“Somebody’s blushing. I can put my shirt back on, Y/N, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He replied, clearly amused by your sudden shyness.

“No, no, it’s fine…it’s fine.” Your voice trailed off as you couldn’t help but admire his toned physique. Alcohol always fueled your desire for skinship, but as you glanced at Bobby now, you couldn’t fight the thoughts that had you craving more.

He caught on to this in his own tipsy state as he reached a hand out to grab hold of yours. He slowly brought it to his bare chest as an audible gasp escaped your lips. You locked eyes momentarily before every voice in your head successfully convinced you to close the space between you.

You grabbed hold of his face with your other hand as your lips met his. He inhaled deeply into the kiss and brought both of his hands to either side of your face, tangling his fingers into your hair. You continued to kiss him as you readjusted your position to lay flat against his upper body.

His lips moved with yours with a longing and urgency that hadn’t graced yours in ages. You brought both of your hands to hold his face to yours as his hands began to wander; one wrapping securely around the back of your neck as the other found its way to the small of your back. A fire immediately ignited itself in your gut as the undeniable sexual tension in the room became too much to bear.

Your hand ran across his toned back and bicep; your breathing hitched in response as a small moan fought to escape you. You managed to contain it until his hand that was on the small of your back found its way to the back of your thigh. With one move, he hitched your leg around his waist and tilted his head towards you to deepen the kiss.

Your breathing became shallower as you felt his tongue graze your bottom lip. You opened your mouth to accept him while he moaned softly in approval. His hand continued to roam across the side of your body before he pulled away momentarily to lock eyes with you.

You looked back at him, lust overwhelming your senses as you lightly pushed his shoulder down and moved yourself to hover over him. You brought your legs closely to either side of him, straddling his hips as you continued to kiss him. It felt like pure ecstasy as your bodies moved together through your clothed bottom halves. Without thinking, your hips began to grind against each other as his tongue continued to explore your mouth.

He inhaled sharply before bringing his hands to the hem of your oversized pajama shirt. He pulled it up slowly, stalling in the form of a request as you quickly discarded the material to fulfill the gesture. You didn’t feel a care in the world as you sat above him, now only wearing a pair of boy shorts. You watched as his eyes raked over your upper body, licking his lips with desire before bringing your mouth back to his.

You continued to grind your hips against him, before the weight of his body pushed itself against you. In one movement, he flipped the both of you over so that he hovered over you. He broke from the kiss to trail smaller ones along your collarbone until his lips met your neck. You ran your hands along the muscles of his exposed back as your breathing became more and more sporadic with every kiss he left on the side of your neck.

As he began to grind against you again, your lower body froze as your eyes shot open. Something stilled itself in your chest as you glanced at his upper body leaning over you. Your eyes trailed along his arms as he continued to kiss your neck; his bare, tattoo-less arms.

Everything stopped.

Somehow able to feel the shift in you, Bobby stilled his movements and broke away from your neck to lock eyes with you. “Are you ok, Y/N? Do you want to stop?” He asked in a low, husky tone.

You inhaled, unaware that you’d created such an obvious change in mood, and lightly ran your hands down the sides of his arms. “Isn’t this what you want?” You asked, trying to push through your clouded vision brought on by lust and booze.

He immediately lifted himself away from you with a look of concern. “What? That doesn’t matter. That wasn’t what I asked. Y/N, what do YOU want?”

You propped your upper body up on your elbows as you looked at him in confusion. “What does that even mean?”

He dropped his head and exhaled as he removed himself from you. “I can’t do this.” He muttered while you continued to look at him in shock. “What? Bobby, no, I’m not even that drunk, I swear.”

“Y/N, that’s not it.” He said as he got off the bed and began to put his shirt back on. You watched as he secured each button, not taking a second to look at you, still topless on the bed in front of him.

With a sigh, you located your own shirt and brought the collar to your head, throwing it on as every feeling of lust and warmth exited your body. Everything was immediately replaced with concern as you looked at Bobby.

He perched himself on the edge of your bed and placed his head in his hands. “This is wrong.” He muttered.

“What? What do you mean? What’s the problem?” You asked as you crawled to his side of the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder while you awaited a response.

He let out a sigh before turning to look at you. He smiled sadly as his eyes roamed over your face before he replied. “You still love him.”

[hazeeeeeeeeeeeeeel]

Happiness

I want to write about happiness in general as a series. For most of my life I could say that I have been pretty damn happy. But lately throughout the past few years I seem to have lost my touch with it. I hope that in writing this series full of my thoughts, anecdotes, and past experiences, I am able to reclaim where I left off mentally and emotionally. This is Chapter 5.

Friendship

I consider friendship to be the most important aspect of happiness and as such this will be the most personal piece I share with you. It’s pretty shit really. If anything I know it’ll make you upset as it continues to make me upset. It’s the key reason to why I have so much hate in my heart and it’s why for the vast majority of the time I absolutely hate being in Torrance and why I absolutely detest hypocrites, especially those who claim to be Christian. It’s why I absolutely hate a certain church by the name of TFPC from the top down. Their pastors, their leaders, their youth group. Every single one of them with the exception of one friend there. It’s the reason why I don’t make rape jokes and replace them with “fucking destroy” or something along the lines of that. It’s why I have no tolerance for people who have raped others, and why I have legitimately been reserved about who I am as a person when meeting new people because I ask myself “what did they hear about me?” On the positive side, it’s why I cherish my friendships more than anything and why I dedicate my life for those who have confided in me like I have in them. This is my most personal story - one that I don’t take lightly in sharing. And I think also, not letting this hatred go has ultimately gotten in the way of me being happy.

There are a few names we ought to be familiar with. For the first group of people, Paulina Nguyen, Sean Kim, and Elizabeth Kim. I met Paulina early in high school and we have been great friends from day 1. She was more on the emotional side and she confided in me as much as I did in her. We were great friends. Sean and Elizabeth used to date. Turns out it was a shitty relationship but I never knew that prior to meeting Sean. Sean and I were good friends from day 1 as well, I guess we just clicked. Elizabeth and I were also good friends who we met through a mutual friend. Sean and Paulina started dating.

The next name is a set by himself, Albert Huh. Albert and I were brothers in my church and we were really connected spiritually and had a bond that you could only experience in a church setting. We didn’t know each other for long, but when you cry together at a church retreat, nothing can take that away. Albert and Elizabeth were friends.

The next names are Tiffany Kim, Rachel Kang, Andrew Chae, Joan Lee, and Ben Lee. Tiffany and I were good friends and her brother was a pastor at my own church I went to. Rachel was a girl I hardcore crushed on my senior year of high school. She was a year older and during the time went to UC Berkeley. We would spend countless nights on Oovoo and check this out, I even chose to video chat with her instead of playing League. Andrew was someone who went to the same church as Tiffany, TFPC. We bonded through a church retreat and not like close as Albert, but still a bond was formed. Joan was similar to Rachel but in a friends setting. I didn’t like her, but we were good friends and it was pretty great. Lastly, Ben was a great friend of mine who also went to TFPC.

One day early in my junior year of high school, Sean and I are hanging out and Elizabeth asks me to hang out and I tell her that I’m hanging out with my friend and that she’s more than welcome to join so she did and bam ex boyfriend and girlfriend reunion. Kinda weird right? So everything seems fine and I found out then and there that Elizabeth and Sean used to date. We just all hung out for a short bit afterwards and then Sean says we should have a group hug goodbye so I wait for Elizabeth’s answer and she said sure so I was like okay. So we did. And then we went our separate ways.

Fast forward to my senior year, I meet Rachel and I become madly infatuated with her. And surprise surprise she ended up liking me back! I was pretty fucking stunned. It was crazy. This girl was a straight up 10. I was probably a 5 on a good day but to her I was a 10 and that’s all that mattered to me. We spent countless hours oovoo-ing and being awesome and when winter season hit we would spend our holiday nights going on walks and just being fucking great. I’m not sure how, but word got around and even my older brother says “yo what’s going on with you and Rachel?” And my cousin (who went to the same school as Rachel) then adds to the family dinner “yeah what’s going on? My friends are talking about it too” which is fucking crazy because mind you, at THAT time, I’m a senior in high school, my oldest brother was in Irvine, my cousin was at UCLA, so why the fuck are they concerned about what Rachel and I have going on? And I tell them “I don’t get why you would be concerned about it” (DAMNNNNN FUCKING TOLD THEM). I guess, when I knew Rachel was a 10, everyone else did so too. Point being, she was a fucking big deal right.

I go to a winter retreat with Tiffany and Ben’s church, TFPC. It was pretty great. Met Andrew there too. Point of this part of the story is meeting Andrew. I’ve known Tiffany and Ben for years and we’ve had great friendships, especially Ben. To THIS day I still keep in touch with Ben. Alright so I come back, and winter is over, back in school for spring. I’m just living my senior year in high school, enjoying life, talking to Rachel, and literally just waiting for graduation to end. And BAM! Graduation.

I didn’t go to prom. My senior year prom date who said yes to me eventually got asked by someone else and she was having doubts and so I was just like fuck it just go with Spencer if you’re going to feel this way why bother (plus it was like 450 bucks for the whole experience with tickets, dinners, and pictures, I was a poor family). We all hung out at my friend’s house after prom and Rachel texts me asking me how was prom. I told her I didn’t go (and mind you this is at 5:00AM) and she was like yo wtf happened so I told her and I also told her I honestly would’ve loved to ask you out to Prom instead but whatever shit happens you were in Berkeley and I didn’t know how to ask you online or through text and I felt like you would have been busy when you got back to Torrance (Berkeley semester schedule so she was in town during prom anyways so woops, I guess I should've texted her anyways). So she asked me if I wanted to get breakfast to which I played it cool and said sure but in my mind I was screaming like fucking goddamn yes I do want to eat breakfast with you. And this is important. The breakfast. To this day I wish I never fucking went. Not because of Rachel, Rachel was stunning as usual. Even on her bad days she was a 10. A real goddess. Rachel Fucking Kang. Fire. Stunning. Grab a dictionary and every positive adjective you got it. When we were walking out of the restaurant, I run into two familiar faces, Albert and Elizabeth. We say hi like old friends (mind you the last time I saw Albert was at my own church retreat and the last time I saw Elizabeth was my junior year while hanging out with Sean). Not wanting to keep Rachel waiting we make it quick and I get ready to drop Rachel off and so I did (even though Rachel asked me to breakfast of course I went to go pick her up, it’s just what you gotta do). I get back to my friend’s and my whole group of friend’s just crash and sleep because we’re tired as fuck. Unbeknownst to me, that morning was the start to the worst fucking time of my life.

A few weeks later, it’s graduation. Everything was good, my church group and I hung out after my graduation with the rest of the graduating class and after dinner we go to get some boba. And I get a phone call, random number, so I pick up. It’s Albert. He asked me, “Yo! Where are you at right now there’s something I need to fucking ask you and I’m like okay sure I’m at Bobaloca” and so he comes quickly, with a large group of friends. Being the guest of honor as the graduating class, my church group (various age range including younger middle schoolers) stick around and Chris, an older member asks me if everything will be okay because it looks sketch that a big group comes to find me, but it was Albert. And Albert was with our church, and he was with Chris spiritually too so Chris asked me and Albert if everything will be okay and so Albert and I both say yes and Chris knowing that something is going to go down decides to trust us takes his cue and takes everyone home. Then Albert opens, “Yo Ariel. You know you’re a brother to me. That time at retreat. Nothing can ever take away our bond. But when I heard what happened. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t fucking believe it.” I reply, “What did you hear?” He says, “my friend said you raped her” and I was so fucking speechless like What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Fucking. Hear. type of speechless. And I tell him, “No. I didn’t.” He then says “she’s here today right there waiting in that car and she wants to meet you and she wants you to go on your knees and beg for forgiveness.” I’m sorta taken aback. Albert then says, “don’t worry. See that guy over there? He’s a brother to me. We’re here because we just want you to apologize but we’re going to make sure you don’t get hurt even though you probably deserve it so just fucking do it okay?” And there was anger and agony in his voice, but at the same time, there was compassion and love. I could tell he was just as devastated as I was. Sure enough Elizabeth walks out of the car in tears and crying.

So I get on my knees, I have an idea of what happened, and I tell her, “Elizabeth, I am so sorry for what happened to you but you HAVE to know I had no idea what was happening at the time and to me it was just a hug. You know me. You know I would never do that to you. And you know Sean, you know what he did to you in the past and that he would have done that there” Looking for words, in utter complete silence, even amongst Albert and his friends they thought an apology for forgiveness was coming out but it wasn’t. Why would I ask for forgiveness for a crime I didn’t do? And Elizabeth at a loss for words, was so emotional and she just started to walk away back to the car. Albert pulls me aside and says, “Hey, let’s go to my car and talk” So we do. Mano a mano. He says, “Did you really not fucking do it.” And I said to him with the utmost sincerity, “Albert. You have to know who that other guy was. He was Elizabeth’s ex boyfriend who abused her” and I told him their past. I then also said, “Look, you coming here and asking for my side first only confirms that you know the type of person I am and that I would never have done or take part if I was aware of what was going on.” He then breathed a heavy sigh. He says, “You’re right. I’m going to talk to her.” He comes back ten minutes later and says “Okay, just leave. Don’t make eye contact with anyone just take your car and go home.” So I do. Then as I’m walking out this crazy bitch (BY THE WAY, I RARELY CALL WOMEN THAT WORD. THERE ARE TIMES I SAY SOMETHING IS BITCHY, BUT ALMOST NEVER A BITCH) named Angela Jung comes out and says “OH IT’S THIS ‘ARIEL’?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK.” Because Angela and I knew each other personally. She screams “GET BACK ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES AND APOLOGIZE FOR RAPING ELIZABETH.” I look towards Albert, and I say “Alber-” but before I finished she gave me the biggest bitchslap in the history of bitchslaps. I begin to notice the crowd around me. Andrew Chae was there with some of his friends and I realize that no way he could have known the talk Albert and I had. So what does it look like to him right? Angela slaps me one more time. And she goes for a third and Elizabeth comes out of the car and screams, “STOP!!!! IT WASN’T HIM. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. IT WAS SEAN NOT ARIEL” And after a bit Elizabeth tells me, “don’t talk to me ever again I’m sorry but just go home.” So I left.

On my way home, Albert calls me. I pick up because at this point any talk with Albert is life or death. And Albert asks me for Sean’s number. I give it to him because you can imagine how fucking pissed I am that Sean molested Elizabeth during the group hug without me knowing only for me to take the fall in place of him because he knew they’d come for my neck first. Luckily Albert was the guy who did not anyone else. Later that night, Paulina texts me calling me a sellout and very harsh words but of course I could never relieve her because of course she’s going to trust her boyfriend over me seriously fuck Sean.

During the next few weeks in summer vacation, I notice that some things begin to change. Rachel stops talking to me at all, Tiffany ignores me from that moment on, Joan as well, and everyone just gives me the cold fucking shoulder. It is at this moment where I begin to talk about friendship. Fake friends, real friends, friends in general. Friends in specific. Just friendship. Then out of nowhere my friend Elle messages me asking me about how there’s a lot of talk at her church (She also went to TFPC) and about how I raped someone. And my heart sank. I’m just like oh fuck no because no shit Andrew ran his gossip as pussybitch fucking cunt mouth everywhere about something he had no fucking part in only seeing part of what happened (of course the bad part). I connect the dots and the dots were confirmed when another friend of mine told me about what Andrew was telling everyone he knew. It was pretty surreal in the worst ways possible. Especially damning because Andrew was on the praise team for his church - literally a leader of the church and of all people to spew bullshit? C’mon dude. Just fuck. If anything, especially with the relationship Andrew and I had, he ought to have been the first person to at least talk to me or even ask me what the hell was going on. But no. He chose to take the lowest way out, to go out of his way just to spice his own personal life. The worst part is that his friends and fellow “Christians” gravitated towards his stories as if they were a campfire in Moscow during the winter. Really fucking incredible. So I hated the church. And, I even began to despise the pastors as well. I do however hold a tremendous amount of respect for them so I didn’t take names on their part. But Andrew? Seriously fuck him. When I see Paul Ryan smirk on national TV when he robs from the poor and does it in the name of goodness, I see fucking Andrew with his truly ugly laugh. Not ugly in the sense of outer appearance, I don’t really think anyone is ugly in that regard, but ugly in the sense of blackness in his heart. It’s the fucking worst. To wear a veil of holy spirituality and then live the life of sin. Me? I know I’m not on a high horse at all, but at least come down to the swamp with me if you’re going to level me up behind my back with your pussybreath. As for the others?

I asked Rachel “do you honestly believe what happened?” No reply. I never talked to Rachel ever again. I asked Tiffany the same thing. She replied, at least she gave me the respect to reply and she says “Yeah I can believe it there were witnesses and Andrew said everything.” I told her “if you honestly feel the way you do, don't fucking talk to me ever again.” It’s been five years, we never talked since. I asked Joan, she never replied. I never talked to her again either. I then asked Ben, “do you honestly believe what happened?” And he said, “I was waiting for you to ask me so I wanted to ask did you do it?” I said “No.” He then said, “Then that’s all I need to know. You didn’t do it.” What a real fucking friend right there. Goddamn did that shit move me.

But what about my own personal group of friends? From high school that I graduated with that night my nightmare started? Gossip spreads like wildfire especially in the facebook era and I know for a fact that some of my closest friends had connections to the friends who spread the news that there was gossip about me going everywhere about how I raped someone and it was total bullshit. Yet, the most amazing part? No one even asked about it. And no one seemed to care about it. No one seemed to be bothered. Nothing changed in our friendships. I never spoke to them about it ever because similar to Ben, they had trust in me. They confided in me as much as I confided in them and that was all they needed. To have faith in me.

For this reason I love my friends more than anything. Not just because of this sole single event and how they responded, or rather not responded which in itself was a response, but the entire idea that they trusted me so much to have never let it become an issue. So think about this… In the darkest time of my life when I was losing friends left and right, front and back, top and down, these guys were the light in my life I needed. And that speaks volumes in the role my friendships play in determining my happiness. Just like how other people have the capability to bring me down, people too have the same capacity to bring me up. That was all I ever needed to move forward. I guess you can say that in bringing up my last blog post, the faith and loyalty that these good people had in people answers where I am on “goodness” right? To this day Ben’s response when I messaged him means so much to me. He grew up in that church where the rumours started. Ben was literally surrounded by people who hated me so much. Who thought I was despicable, a liar, and a rapist. But Ben always believed in me. That type of loyalty is powerful. My dad always taught me from a young age that the most you can ever ask for from anyone is loyalty. From a woman, loyalty counts as friends and as significant other. For men, loyalty comes from true friendship (to which I guess being gay counts too now). Looking back at this event I fucking hated how it all worked itself out. And I directed all my hatred especially towards Sean because he was at the root of all this. So I guess in conclusion to this highly sensitive topic��� choose your friends well. There are those that I didn’t. The ones who stabbed me in the back. The Rachel Kang’s, Tiffany Kim’s, Joan Lee’s. I DO WANT TO CLARIFY that I don’t feel spite against Rachel, Tiffany, and Joan. From the notion that on their point of view, they truly had evidence that was in Andrew’s perspective verified because Andrew’s side of the story was true only to his eyes. It’s like if I saw someone kill someone else, I see only the murder. What I won’t see, is the self defense prior to it so I see murder and that’s completely fair. So to Rachel, Tiffany, and Joan? That’s fine. I still don’t believe they’re the type of friends to surround yourself with, but I understand their part and just frankly need to know what is done is done. Andrew Chae’s? A different story, still with the leniency that what he saw was considered his version of truth, but that as a representative in the Church and thus therefore for the religion, he had a moral responsibility to ensure goodness not bad. But Sean Kim? I can’t say words to describe how I feel about him but that the best thing is not revenge, but just to move away. Those type of people will only bring you down and the sooner you do away with them the better. They don’t deserve you. In reflection writing this, I’m just so amazed by how wonderful my group of friends are, to stick with me through something catastrophic as that, but not even to just stick through, but to have never let a rumor as powerful as that one bother them to begin with is incredible. See, you can go through a lot of shit, but when you have as friends as amazing as the ones I do, isn’t that where true happiness is found? In the goodness of truly great people who want to share that happiness with you? Thank you for reading.