#I saw posts applauding what he did and it just pissed me off

[sunshineandlyrics]

Additional points about what happened at the Good Vibes Festival in Malaysia because of what Matty Healey and the 1975.

*thanks to them, the second and third days of the festival were cancelled.

x

22 July 2023 x

And good on Kid Laroi for performing at his hotel after his show at the festival was cancelled.

Other opinions from locals x x and the post by @awesomefringey x

[footballffbarbiex]

Ok so I've had some thoughts bouncing around in my head since last night's game and Barcelona fans getting annoyed and blocking me (lol). But the thing that they and "pro João Félix" fans/blogs don't understand is that Atleti fans never started out this way with their feelings towards Félix. 

We were excited to have him here and welcomed him with open arms. He's our highest ever bought player and something like that doesn't happen for nothing. Of course, I still think Atleti were desperate to prove that they didn't need Griezmann after his departure (though he's proven that the only person who can replace Antoine Griezmann at Atlético Madrid is, well Antoine Griezmann) and that's why they spent the fee they gained from AG's departure on JF. I didn't think he was worth that amount of money though and I still don't. 

They saw a kid who had a good season at his club and saw potential, potential that I also thought he had. I, like many, many other Atleti fans, was excited for him to come and see what he could bring and at first he succeeded. He had a style that was nice to see and it was easy to see why so many young fans wore his name on their backs because they had hope of him becoming something big there. 

He wasn't, like Griezmann has said recently, consistent but when JF did score, he did it well and it left fans thinking "ok if this is how he is at the start of his Atleti adventure, what will he be like?" Sadly, we saw what he was like. He became more inconsistent, he became frustrated when he couldn't score (which is completely understandable because players in his position want to score) but it was his behaviour and attitude which changed following this. 

He seemed to go through a rough spell, even after winning the LaLiga title where he still hadn't shown what he was capable of to have merited that amount of money being parted with with only 10 goals scored throughout the whole season and maybe his injuries were contributing to that too. Fans were asking the same question but still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was young and still settling into the club and their football style and it wasn't something you would pick up overnight and adapt. 

But it didn't warrant him throwing things in frustration when he was subbed whether it was a bib, a water bottle or throwing himself into the sub bench seat. It didn't warrant him storming off down the tunnel when he was subbed. It didn’t warrant him refusing to go to the travelling fans end and applaud them along with the other players, simply because the match had not gone either his or the teams way. It didn't warrant him liking anti Simeone tweets purely because he was no longer getting started - something which a lot of his usual starter players also experienced; it wasn't just a João issue. Simeone wasn't targeting him. He wasn't bullying him. He was doing what any coach would. 

Past players such as Trippier have said that Simeone would die for his team and his club and the players would do so for him. He wants them to succeed, he wants them to do well and to literally go to war for him on that pitch and it shows - Atleti have the reputation they have for a reason (but have the least amount of fouls in LaLiga so far, so make of that what you will for the leagues most dangerous club 👀). 

But if you're not giving your all on the pitch, you are going to be subbed off. You're not started and you're made to prove yourself in training. I refer to Griezmann a few times in this post because he is Cholo's favourite, and there's no point in denying it. They have such a unique and wholesome relationship and I won't pretend that it doesn't exist. But even at the start of Antoine coming to Atleti, Simeone also handed his future favourite boy his ass and said "what are you doing? You need to be selfish. You can't be passing the ball, you're supposed to be scoring. You need to adapt." Yes it pissed off Antoine, he's famously said this, he went home and sulked and moped about but then he went back to training and did as he was asked and became their star boy. 

I understand the hatred that Atlético Madrid fans had towards Antoine when he was poached by Barcelona the years before he actually went. I understood why they continued to despise him when he left and why he was heckled when he came back. But he has proven that he belongs there. He's fought for his place in their eyes again. He knew the only way to make it an easy transition back to Atlético Madrid was through the fans.

But João Félix hasn't done that. He went to Chelsea and immediately dissed the fans. He made comments about how Chelsea already had a chant for him when in all the years of being at the Madrid team, they never did. He continued to like anti Atleti and anti Cholo posts on twitter and hint that he couldn't wait to get out from under his parent club. He was burning the bridge he was standing on and didn't realise the full consequences. 

All we, as a fans, heard was how Simeone wasn't allowing him to play the football that he wanted and I'm not sure if people realise this or not but you don't change a club's system to match one player who has not proven he even wants to be there. We continued to hear about how he did well under other managers before crumbling back to the way he was when he was under Simeone. He didn't work out under Simeone, Thomas Tuchel, Graham Potter, Frank Lampard and he's now faltering under Xavi - who, if you believe the rumours, didn't even want to sign João in the first place but was made to accept it by Laporta. It’s also worth noting that while Mauricio Pochettino was never his manager, his performance hadn’t impressed the new Chelsea coach enough to include him in his plans for the upcoming season which is why he was returned after the brief loan spell. This many head coaches cannot be wrong, can they? Or is this still just a Simeone issue?

But if he was doing this at Chelsea, that was nothing compared to what happened when he came back. His tactic changed. He upped it completely and alienated himself between his teammates and the fans further. I watched footage as he threw his clothing down and walked off, expecting the kit staff to pick up after him when other players were handing it to the staff or putting it into the boxes. He continued to run his mouth and then brought in his dad - almost for protection - because of the hostile environment that he had created. 

For many fans, they were open to the idea of having him back, hoping that he would, like Griezmann, have his redemption arc and actually enter his prime under us. But his return was stale and his disinterest to be there was clear after citing that he wished to play for his dream club Barcelona. But the real turning point for a lot of fans, was watching how João played on his phone and was distracted and animated during a minutes silence for a death within the club’s family. This was a total lack of respect to the club which, understandably, did not go down well. 

Last night was an explosion that has been simmering to a boiling point and everyone knew it was coming. But if Chelsea's behaviour was burning a bridge, then last night João was standing on the top of a building destined to be destroyed by explosives and he was pressing the detonation button with a grin. There is no way back for him now with his parent club. Any salvaging that could have taken place to mend the wounds that he has created is now out of the picture. If he comes back, he'll be lucky to even see the bench. 

And it's not just Atlético Madrid fans who think he has been consistently underwhelming, but press have done so too. Even recently he has learnt headlines such as

with articles stating 

The Portuguese playmaker has stalled at Barca and is still looking for the right place to revive his faltering career. Barca was supposed to be another new chance. Instead, he has endured the same troubles that have followed him for four years. And now, facing his parent club - in the shirt of his current employers - Felix once again looks like an expensive talent failing to live up to expectations. Felix's career has been defined by its inconsistency, an immense talent enjoying moments of undeniable class, followed by long stretches of underperformance - especially for a player who was so good as a teenager.

Felix has struggled for consistency. He has still been on the ball a lot, but those goals and assists that defined his first two weeks in Catalunya have dried up. He went 13 games without scoring, and has just seven goal contributions this year.

For long stretches, he has looked every bit the same immensely talented yet ineffective entity of the past few years. Call it another false dawn. But Barca aren't the first team to struggle here. There is, indeed, a pattern about Felix's career. A new season comes, as does a fast start - a few goals here, a highlight-reel assist there. The hype grows, the storylines are written. And then comes the regression, the weeks of mediocrity, before the cycle begins again.

While João may have only been 19 and still a child when Atleti came knocking, his agent certainly was not. In a way, I also blame Mendes for this. Many people have stated that agents do not give a shit about their clients because all they see is dollar signs when they get a whiff of talent and I think that he was hoping that João would be the next Ronaldo. While João may not have known fully about what it means to sign for the likes of the Madrid club, or what it’s like to be faced with their fans, his agent absolutely did and as long as he’s getting paid, he’ll continue to throw João to the wolves or allow him to implode as he’s doing now. 

Atlético Madrid fans may be throwing gasoline on him but he's the one that's holding the match. 

[sammytheotakunerd]

MC is too kind

Now that i realized, I didn't post the part 3 for weeks and I'm sorry. TvT

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 here!

Masterlist

---------------------

You don’t know why but you suddenly got a light headache. The stranger that has white hair with blue and brown gradient eyes took a step forward. 

“Solomon what are ya’ doing?!”

You now know that the man that’s taking slow steps towards you is named solomon. Great.

While you're in your own world, the others couldn't take a step towards you. They really can't. This is the first time they ever saw you staring right at them ever since weeks ago. They don't know what to say first. Sorry? That's a bit straightforward to say to someone when they just gotten out of their coma.

The silence broke when the kid you were questioning earlier hugged you tightly.

"MC i miss you so much! I'm sorry if i was selfish!"

"Wait huh-?"

Your words cut off when you felt a huge headache. Luke's hug loosen a bit and your headache was fading.

"MC, Are you ok?"

The boy looked at you worryingly.

You had a sudden flashback. The boy in the flashback looks exactly like the boy that's holding you right now.

"Such a pathetic human."

The innocent looking boy was no longer here. Instead, he looks more like a demon.

"Why would i even waste my time on a much more useless than a rock?"

"G-get off of me."

Luke stared at you, confused. What are you saying?

"You're so dumb that you really thought that you're my friend? Pls! My dog can be a better friend than you!"

Ah. The Memories.

"I said get off of me!"

Luke flinched. You can see that he's close to crying but you can care less. Some 'Memories' flooded back to you.

"Why?-"

You pushed luke to the ground. Luckily Solomon was able to catch him in time.

"What are you doing MC?!"

Solomon wasn't angry, No. He's just confused on why you're acting like this.

"What am I doing? No! The real question is what are YOU doing? You all made me miserable!"

They thought you were talking about their past actions but no. It was just the memories.

Diavolo was first to have his composure back.

"We know what we did wrong MC, So let us at least take care of you. You still have unhealed wounds."

You were pissed at the wrong guy.

"Take care of me?! You know what you have done and let me applaud you on that! You've finally realized what was wrong with your actions!"

You clapped but it really wasn't all smiles that caused that.

They looked ashamed really. But they shouldn't, They weren't the reason for your outburst. It seems like a certain potion did that.

"We know what we did wrong and we apologize for our mistreatment of you but don't hurt Luke here."

Diavolo stated while walking up to you. You get a headache that's getting painful with each step he takes.

"Wait, Sto-"

"Are you really going say stop to him?"

The whisper that was annoying you earlier was back.

"..What?"

"I mean.. Didn't that man just say that you were worthless than a dead bug?"

You didn't recognize it but a 'Memory' Flashed. The memory was contained the man and you that was arguing. Well it's more like you were getting pushed in the corner. The 'man' that has red hair was mostly the one shouting.

"Why can't you be useful at least once?!"

"I-i'm sorry, I really am."

'You' were close to tears in the memory. it fuels your anger more at the red-haired man, making you glare at him. Before anything else happened, you passed out. No one knew why but the air was getting heavier.

--------------------

You woke up to see the same old ceiling again but this time, there was someone at the bed side. He has black hair but you couldn't see his eyes. His eyes are closed but he looks handsome.

The man started to open his eyes, now you can see that his eyes are a color of a beautiful red that's like rubies.

Now it's kind of awkward. The two of you are just staring at each other, not talking or anythig.

"Hello?"

The man was in dazed but when you called out for him, he was gone at that state so fast.

Now Lucifer doesn't know what to say.

"Hello?? Are you still good or no?"

Lucifer was dazed. Again.

"Yes MC?"

'That's weird..I don't know his name, but he knows my name. WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS?!'

You're starting to get confused. He knows your name, but you don't. You'll surely remember him simply because of his red eyes. Its unique and beautiful.

With you lost in your mind, You head was getting tired of supporting your head just after you regained consciousness after passing out. Your eyes wander and met a familiar bracelet in his wrist.

"This is a gift!"

'Huh..?'

Another memory got to you and this time it isn't that bad.

"-C"

Who was calling out to you?

Now you're the one who's dazed. The strange man was calling out to you.

You really felt embarrassed. I mean who wouldn't? The strange man was handsome.

You forced yourself to at least have some dignity left so you can be out in your dazed state.

"Uhm so what's your name?"

You said, trying to start a conversation.

The man looked at you with soft eyes. You can almost see his sadness. Almost.

"My name is Lucifer."

There was no use in lying to you. He can't and will not be lying to you. You didn't even lie a single time in his face.

"That sounds like a devils name. Say Lucifer, is your parents in some kind of cult?"

He chuckled and that made you flustered.

'What did i say wrong?'

It looks like your memories are before the exchange program but what was the 'memories' earlier?

You looked at him, waiting for his answer.

"No, they're not."

Ok maybe he is lying but all of us knows that if he ever said that he was a demon, you most likely be screaming at him. Besides, he was informed that you were suffering side effects of the torture you endured. So, making you shock right now when your mind is fragile is not a good option.

Both you and Lucifer talked all the time you spend in the room. Unknown to both of you(Lucifer was too focused on you than anything else at the moment), There was others who was eavesdropping behind the closed door.

"That's not fair! I want to talk to MC too!"

Asmo whispered loudly.

"Be quiet Asmo!"

Mammon was surprisingly now good at keeping his brothers aligned.

--------------------------------------

Don't worry about me going soft in this series, i won't. I just wanted the calm before the storm type of story. ^^

Taglist:

@kodasstarar @gallantyss @rainowcaterpillarlucy @lloydlovebot @ann-honey99 @min-rei @t-misaki @nabijay @mammonssheep @gel-0517 @entolomaeden @ik7-21

[deepspacedukat]

Infuriating

Reader is short, and Dukat flirts the way Cardassians do. (Meaning, he’s an ass about it.) Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Dukat (ST:DS9) x short!Reader

[A/N: The idea for this was given to me by @android-boyfriends​, so thank you, fren! I hope I did it justice!]

Warnings: Cardassian flirting (aka: two people pissing each other off until they slap and/or kiss each other), and a bit of swearing.

~*~

The first feeling that coursed through me when I saw Dukat walk into Quark’s Bar was dread. Every time the Cardassian saw me, he made a point of needling me about my height. Just because I was shorter than him by a few inches - okay, several inches - he thought it was necessary to mock me about it. I tried to skirt around a group of Ferengi waiters before he could see me, but it was too late. I’d been spotted.

“Ah, there you are, Lieutenant,” Dukat called with a devious smile on his lips. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you.”

“Dukat,” I muttered with a polite smile already in place as he strode over with all the arrogance of his military position. He gave me a smirk and turned to face Quark.

“A glass of kanar for me and a Samarian Sunset for the Lieutenant,” Dukat called, and just as Quark turned to grab the alcohol, something heavy pressed against the top of my head. Turning my head ever so slightly, I saw that the Gul was leaning his arm on my head. He turned and looked down at me with a gleeful smile.

I spluttered in indignance.

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” I asked before knocking his arm off my head with the back of my hand.

“You’re the perfect height for an armrest. Oh, now don’t tell me you have a short temper,” he quipped before bursting out laughing. A few of the other patrons heard his comment and started laughing as well, and I took a deep breath.

This wasn’t the first time he’d made such a comment, and yet he acted like it was the funniest, most original line that had ever come out of his mouth. He was beyond infuriating. I couldn’t murder Dukat. I couldn’t...could I?

“What’s wrong, Lieutenant? It’s hard work being a Gul of my stature. Surely, you wouldn’t mind if I took a short rest?” He quipped, and as he started laughing once more, I snapped.

“Keep talking and I’ll knock the smirk off your arrogant, Cardassian face,” I growled up at him, but that only made him practically wheeze.

“W-Would you like me to help? I could lift you up so you can reach my face if you like. Otherwise, you might have a bit of trouble on your own,” he offered with condescending mirth in his voice.

I saw red. He wanted a slap? Oh, he’d get one. Grabbing him by the front of his chest plate, I shoved him back onto one of the stools at the bar and stepped up on one of its rungs so we were finally eye-to-eye.

“Oh, very good! I’m almost intimid–” Dukat broke off with a grunt as my hand connected with the side of his face issuing a resounding crack of flesh on flesh. The entire bar went silent as he turned his head back to face me, surprise written all over his features. That was enough to bring me back to my senses.

What had I done? I’d struck a Gul. I could be arrested for assault. Hell, if this became a diplomatic incident, I could lose my commission! We looked at each other for a tense, silent moment each wondering what the other was going to do next. A hungry look from Dukat was all the warning I had before one of his strong arms was wrapping around my waist and tugging me against his chest. A startled little yelp escaped me but was swallowed up by his lips as he kissed me.

Just like that, all my anger faded away, and I let myself fall into the kiss. I couldn’t even say why that appeased me, it just...did. Maybe it was the tension that had been building between the two of us for the last few months, or maybe it was the heat of the moment. Either way, as quickly as it had begun, Dukat pulled back and took in my pliantly stunned expression.

“I must applaud your initiative, little one,” he murmured looking like the cat who got the cream. “Now...are you still angry?”

“You’re fucking infuriating,” I murmured before dragging him into an ill-advised second kiss. Half the patrons applauded and the other half seemed confused about what had just happened, but neither of us paid any mind.

[hematomes]

I saw your post about ppl losing their shiz about Kaeya fanart being “whitewashed” when it’s literally darker than he is in canon. I agree btw I love like basically all Kaeya art out there I love one eyepatch man.

anyhoo, I have a story. I once saw a tiktok about a kaeya art. it was specifically labeled “IN PROGRESS” or whatever so you knew the artist wasn’t done. it was a gorgeous piece of art btw. So far, the only thing that had been colored was his hair and some of his clothes.

pretty much everyone in the comments started harrasing her about how he was whitewashed and the artist had to be a white supremacist and i think someone said “see I knew everyone who played genshin was racist just delete the game at this point.”

i was just like 😳 wow jeez it’s literally IN PROGRESS the artist legit said so.

the artist eventually posted the final version (after having to delete the first video and deal with several threats) it did turn out beautiful, but on the comments there and on every post of theirs after people are lurkign in the comments bad-mouthing them.

as much as I definitely am for characters not being whitewashed (especially Kaeya bc I love him your honor) I think some people take it way too far when the person they’re yelling at literally just wanted to get people excited about their WIP.

hi! sorry im so late this issue became quite sensitive lol i had to work up the courage to come back to it. it's gonna be a bit long, but i really need to say all this

if there's one thing i noticed about the genshin community on tiktok and twitter, it's that there is a whole, whole lot of social justice warriors and overall it's extremely toxic. it's something that surprised me because the people i interact with on tumblr are all super sweet and not one bit toxic so? idk, tumblr is just a different breed i guess

your story is extremely saddening. everytime there's a kaeya fanart, people forget about the color theory and the artists' style and claim it's whitewashed and i genuinely don't understand why. if someone could explain it to me, am i missing something? im not an artist so perhaps im mistaken, idk, but i've never seen a fanart where kaeya was whitewashed.

the thing that pisses me off the most is that most of the time it's white ppl calling something whitewashed. i'm not saying you shouldn't call out racism if you see it just bc you're white, just that these people aren't even right - and often you see poc coming into the debate and explaining it's not whitewashed/saying it doesn't bother them. moreover, i've literally seen fanart of beidou as a black girl, which isn't representation in my opinion - beidou is already a poc, and asian people need at least as much representation as black people, so it's plain racism. same thing with kaeya, i've seen edits of him with stereotypical african features, and it's really sad that no one is calling this out but yelling about whitewashing as soon as he isn't the exact same color as the official arts. hell, someone even said "so what if it's darker? it's still whitewashing" and i??? am flabbergasted. whitewashing is absolutely disgusting, but ppl keep misunderstanding what it means and just using it to gratuitously harass artists.

now, don't get me wrong. i believe that you can draw whatever you want. but the thing is - if you get mad when someone draws kaeya white (if they really do, i mean), you can't just applaud someone else's that draws another character black. racism goes both ways, and it's bordering on fetishism. i, as a poc (mixed-race, caucasian + african), am extremely uncomfortable everytime i see this double-standard.

but anyway, the fact remains that sjw have plagued the genshin fandom. and it's not just about kaeya's skin color (we don't even know if he's really a poc - we know he's tan according to paimon, and i believe she called him "exotic"? so idk) but also about the ships. everytime i see a shippy tiktok, there's plenty of ppl out here saying it's wrong, claiming their own ship is the most canon. if i'm not mistaken, kaeluc is the one that gets the most hate, and i genuinely, once again, don't understand why.

i talked about them before and explained how it's not incest bc they really aren't brothers, but i swear every now and then i see people throwing death threats and slurs anytime someone hints at them. idk if you are familiar with the eng va's fandom, but sometimes they play among us together, aether's va does some livestreams where he invites different voice actors. but diluc's va is never there, and i was wondering why - recently i learned that it's because he retweet a fanart of kaeya and diluc fighting alongside each other (not even a shippy fanart, apparently) and people harassed him and excluded him from the fandom. and now the same thing is happening to griffin burns, childe's va, bc he retweeted (or liked, idk) a fanart of lumine and childe fighting or something and people called it pedophilia bc lumine would be a minor. i'm not even gonna dive into this bc the travelers are canonically like 30 times childe's age, but what i mean is - people are so full of hate and i can't fathom living like this?

the point is, i totally respect anyone who doesn't ship something i ship. i myself don't like certain ships - like zhongli/xiao, jean/diluc - but im not gonna harass ppl who do just because i can? that's messed up, i just don't get it. i wish the fandom wasn't that bad bc i really enjoy this game

anyway, im really disappointed but still grateful, bc my followers & people i've interacted with here have been nothing but sweet and respectful. i hope none of y'all come across the toxic side of the genshin fandom. stay safe y'all!

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Lies

Warning: Spoilers! And possibly having your heart torn into pieces. Other than that, have fun!

We open up with Marinette figuring out the recipes for the power ups as the new guardian.

I am disappointed that she still has not stopped oogooling over Adrien when he appeared on the news. Especially since she was allegedly with Luka by then. (I'll explain what I mean in just a minute)

Adrien was tired after the day he had as Adrien, which is a contrast of what Marinette believes his life is like. But being Chat Noir is the highlight of his day...

...only to not see Ladybug show up for patrols. And we see that it was all due to her figuring out the powerups.

Also, the patrols are a thing in cannon and I am still not over it after "Truth".

Chat Noir hoping for an akumatization so he can escape his civilian life radiated the same energy as Alya asking for akumatizations to interview the temporary heroes on her IG post. I get it, but still! We do not have people in danger for our needs.

Plagg being the one who announces any voice messages for Chat and asking for cheese through the feature on the Chat Phone brings me a whole other level of life.

Also, the whole milk thing at Le Grand Paris bar counter. It was hilarious, but also very sad. He really missed his m'lady

He ends the patrol after he saw Kagami training with her mom. And the smiles on his face! *Cries in Marichat and Ladynoir*

Plagg is the one that encourages Adrien to move on from Adrien, just like he applauded him from doing so in Loveater.

Kagami apparently said that fencing lessons are scheduled an hour in advance and Adrien (with that goofy grin on his face) knew what was up!

Both Ms. Tsurugi and Gabriel are very pissed at one another for the schedule change. That's hilarious, although everything comes at a price.

The parallels! Kagami is apparently learning Russian at her mother's request. Truly is a reflection of Adrien, civilian life wise.

Kagami? Lying???? The hell???? Who are you and what have you done to Kagami????? (Why am I surprised, y'all did this in Desperada)

She lies to their parents and the teacher to be in the art room with Adrien. I get it, teenage rebellion after being under an uninvolved parent, but still!

I like how the writers gave Kagami another dimension by saying she loves art, but her mom does not like her passion for drawing.

To Kagami's mom: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH???!!! HER DRAWINGS BELONG IN A MUSEUM!

Also, art reflecting the truth? Hmmm.....

Since people like mentioning that Marinette has a thing for people with absent parents after "Truth", I will now say that Adrien has a thing for people who are great at drawing. I do not take criticism.

Kagami is hinting that Adrien's civilian life is not his true self (thank you for understanding him!)...

...but also says that being a "clown" (it was the Chat pose) is also not who he really is. The fandom would disagree with you. Although that brings up the question of whether both personalities merge to form who he really is and cannot be seen completely by anyone in any part of his life. But he is more like Chat Noir regardless.

Also, I want to see Adrien and Kagami spend more time together prior to this episode to see why she was not pleased with him being a clown if that's who he truly is, because her repositioning him against the wall made me feel like she is trying to place Adrien into a mold that reflects the image she might have created in her mind. (I don't know, this was just the first thought that came in my mind.)

They almost kiss, with Adrien being taken into shock (not terrified as we thought) until the alarm saying they have fencing lessons starting interrupts them and Adrien runs out, not before BLUSHING LIKE HELLO?!?!?

This is what I referred to in my second point and confirms what everyone was saying about this episode: this is "Truth", but through Adrien's perspective. Finally, an Adrien-centered episode!!!

To continue, every time Adrien and Kagami are together or were about to kiss, a sentimonster appears, with Ladybug trying to do something about it. Just like Lukanette, just like Adrigami: being a superhero affects your love life as a civilian.

Chat being thrown off the roof by accident and being rescued will never get old or less funny lol.

Montages continues up until the boat scene, where Adrien missed the intro to the performance, but I will never get over the fact as to how Adrien made it there before Marinette. It is beyond me.

Kagami not letting Adrien stay for 5 more minutes. Hmm...

Their cute moment together was what will lead to the demise of Adrigami as Kagami noticed he dropped the infamous lucky charm bracelet. *le gasp!

Why *le gasp*? Because 1) I fear it symbolizes that something will happen to Adrienette or that Adrien has forgotten about her, and 2) Wait until later.

Kagami revealed she lied so she can spend more time with Adrien alone, lying about leaving rehearsal earlier, lying about the fencing lessons rescheduling, and who else knows what else so she can be with him.

She tells him she loves him. But Adrien notices Ladybug and an Akuma. Oh boy, he wasn't able to give her any attention.

Because he left towards the direction of the boat (and said he left something there), Kagami used that to conclude it had something to do with Marinette. Oh boy.

Either I missed an entire scene about Ladybug knowing ShadowMoth's name, or we were not supposed to know how they know until this episode. It feels out of place to me, but oh well.

"I..am...AN INCREDIBLE SWIMMER!" still cracks me up even when I know how important it was in protecting her secret identity.

Happy Birthday Prince Ali!

Apparently, Kagami lied that her mom was in charge of watching over Adrien (or maybe not? I can't tell at this point.)

Yep, Kagami believes that Adrien is going after Marinette and probably resents them both if her facial expression says anything

We get to see that Ladynoir moment from "Truth"!! I love these two and their banter.

Adrienette stans, not much has changed. Adrien was concerned that he lost the Lucky Charm bracelet, for real. But said again because he though he would be clear of the lie since he thought he had it on him.

Kagami confronts him with it. AND THIS IS HIS SHOCKED FACE SCENE FROM THE TRAILER!!!

Thinking that she lies to get out of being with her, she leaves. With the bracelet. The leaving part is understandable, especially because she does not know about him being Chat Noir or what entails him to do. But why take the bracelet???

Adrien is also saddened by what happened. He also liked her.

We've never seen that part of city hall. Well designed in my opinion.

She was the akuma in City Hall with the glowing sphere! We were right!!!

Adrien feels guilty, though it is not really his fault. He has a duty to Paris!

Why is the music sounding different in French.

Jagged Stone. How do I feel about you after learning you purposefully abandoned Luka and apparently Juleka? Also, what's with the song??? (Rhetorical question. Do not answer)

We were wrong about Kagami's power: it paralyzes people who lie, not kill everything in its path.

Jagged, you abandoned your children. And you apparently lied about your age?!?!?! Both episodes show something about Jagged Stone that make him seem like an awful person on the inside.

Ladybug, how do you know about Lies's powers?!?!? There is a hole in the plot here! Unless there were other paralyzed civilians that gave her power a dead giveaway.

Chat Noir, if you lie as a civilian for whatever reason, of course Ladybug will too, since as a civilian, you need to lie to keep your secret identity a secret. Same rules apply to Ladybug, especially as the guardian.

The Lucky Charm is a drone, not a camera like I thought. How the hell did I get into an ivy if I can't tell the difference?!?!

Chat Noir pretending to lie is funny. It might also be his peppy attitude to lying. Also, his funnier version of ShadowMoth's name.

Ladybug finds the akumatized object and gasps. I wonder if its only a eureka moment or also the fact that she recognizes the bracelet, especially if its custom made.

Brutally honest people does not exist (we have all lied at some point, even Kagami who is usually brutally honest with people), but animals can't lie.

Fang being involved in destroying the akuma is cool.

This is the moment that we dreaded so much, yet knew was coming: CHAT NOIR DIES!

JK! He actually is paralyzed by truth because he jumped into the glowing orb. We were right that this is an anguishing scene to watch, but we're wrong about the part that he's killed. Yet, he still unnecessarily sacrificed himself and caused Ladybug to be angst about it.

WHAT IS UP WITH CHAT NOIR BEING HAPPY ABOUT SACRIFICING HIMSELF?!?!? AND DO NOT SAY ITS BECAUSE HE TRUSTS LADYBUG!

Yes Ladybug. Chat is crazy. And also crazy for you. And you are right about the crazy unconscious part. My Ladynoir heart!

ShadowMoth almost won until Fang bit off the charm bracelet. Thanks Fang!

Chat backing away from Fang licking him is a mood.

My favorite Ladynoir moment of the evening: Ladybug telling Chat to stop sacrificing himself and Chat saying she likes her adorable angry face. Her smirk afterwards.. And then their pound it.

But no seriously Chat. You need to stop doing that to Ladybug. She cannot take it anymore

Plagg said that even if Adrien loves someone else, he is likely to go back to Ladybug. Just like he goes back to Camembert. Seriously, despite his cheese analogies, he gives great wisdom.

Not Kagami almost beating up Adrien during his fencing lessons. And Mr. D'Angercourt notices this too as he stopped Kagami's final blow.

Also, isn't it illegal in fencing to push people? Oh boy.

And there's the Adrigami breakup scene: Adrien telling Kagami that he enjoys their time together and Kagami knowing their is sincerity in him. It is sort of unclear who actually ended things when Adrien asks if they could still be friends, but Kagami ends it all by saying that she will let him know once she can face him again. Ouch.

Adrien is hurt and stares at the lucky charm bracelet with what looks like sadness. Once again ouch.

Like Lukanette, I want to see Adrien and Kagami be happy together at least until halfway through this season. The issue is that it will hurt them more in the end.

Also, I noticed the difference between Luka and Kagami when ending their respective relationships. It hurt them both, but Kagami was more forward about it and Luka was somewhat passive. It could be based on what they know about their now exes (Luka knew that Marinette had feelings for Adrien and was not secretive about it even when they were together if the truths her friends said and the opening scene to this episode reflect this, whereas Kagami only has a suspicion and Adrien does not say anything regarding to it.

Also, I really did not like how the breakup on this end resulted in. While more realistic for a lot of people, it did not help that it involved Kagami as there are people who will go after Kagami after watching this episode, and I believe that the writers know this. Kagami is a good person who has a different response to the trust issues and lack of communication, as well as lies in their relationship. Not saying its a perfect one, but an understandable one. In conclusion, don't trash Kagami, especially if you saw this coming.

I take back what I said before; this is my favorite Ladynoir scene. I want to hug them both because they have to lie and keep secrets from everyone, even have some secrets between themselves! But at least they can trust each other! Excuse me while I cry over how much we are being fed. Also, the fact that they broke up with their respective partners makes this both heartwarming and heart breaking.

Overall, this episode is just as good as Lies! It is the first fully Adrien-centered episode, which makes this a first and already exciting. While I did not like how their breakup was handled, it was realistic and showed that honesty and communication are important. Also, can my children be happy together for longer than an episode??? I swear, their pain hurts me.

But at least Ladybug and Chat Noir have each other's company to get them through. May us Ladynoir stans continue to be fed!

[real-south-park-confessions]

Hey guys, i'm the anon who made the south park deaths post. It was until I realized, hey! i clearly could've done a better job at the writing so....

Part 1

KENNY:

I breathed in the cold, winter air as it escaped through the windows. I smiled joyfully, another great day in South Park.

I hear my mother call my name, "Kenny! Come on out here!" I quickly put on my orange parka and headed out from my room.

"We don't have anything to eat for breakfast today, so you're going to have to wait until you can eat at school." She sighed. I shrugged my shoulders in disappointment, "Okay.." My muffled voice spoke out. My mother brought up the topic of dad never getting a job and began yelling at him to stop reading playboys, and to actually do something with his pathetic life.

I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door. Maybe once I get to school It'll be better. I thought.

I. Thought.

I was walking down the sidewalk and hear someone call out my name. I looked up and saw Stan waving at me, alongside Kyle and Cartman just with arguing each other.

I made my way to cross the sidewalk, but halfway, I heard a truck honking.. I could hear Stan screaming, Kyle and Cartman still yelling at each other but louder this time, and feel my whole body shiver.

I felt the tip of the truck touch my parka, as if it was in slow motion.. then it all came crashing down on me. I could hear my bones cracking, feeling my limbs be torn apart by the impact. When I was about to cry, I died. Again.

I thought it'd get better.

I thought.

Why does this happen?

Why does god never let me be happy?

I then felt my body again, and this time I wasn't in pain. I was back, again, and It happened, AGAIN.

I woke up and proceeded to finally cross a sidewalk without dying this time. But something felt wrong. Stan looked like shit, as if someone important just died. Right in front of him. So was Kyle and Cartman, but they weren't as bad as him. Cartman seemed more confused than sad, and Kyle seemed more shocked than depressed. "Hey Kenny." Stan croaked. "You're back."

CRAIG:

What a great day to wake up to. My now, EX-BOYFRIEND just broke up with me because of "personal reasons" and that it just "didn't feel right." What a fucking asshole. I've been dealing with your freakouts just for it to come to this? Thanks, Tweek.

I didn't want to talk to anybody today. I'm just so pissed off right now.

I've never felt so horrible in my life. And i've been through stuff, if you know what I mean. I felt worthless, I hated myself. Why can't I be better? No, there's no point to that.

I slammed my locker in anger. It was so annoyingly loud that It gave me a headache. Of course. I felt someone send a glare over my shoulder. I couldn't care less though, I don't care about anything anymore. Except Stripe of course.

Just as I took my first step, I hear the front doors to the school bust open. It was a redneck. He was shouting in such a heavy Southern accent I couldn't even make out what he was saying. It sounded like gibberish almost. I then noticed the shotgun he was carrying. I began panicking and I stared at him like a deer in the head lights. I finally snapped back to reality when he fired his gun.

5. I turned around and started running.

4. I began crying.

3. I felt useless.

2. I felt scared.

1. I felt...

"Oh."

CLYDE:

I cried my eyes out. I've never felt more sad in my life. My throat burned, my heart throbbed, and I lost.. him.

I threw my fists up into the air, immediately slamming them back down again. "That fucking a-asshole!" Snot began dripping from my nose. "I HATE HIM!" I cried out. "IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT, I K-K-KNOW IT! TH-THAT BASTARD!" I started hiccuping.

"You're worthless."

"You're a piece of shit, Tweek."

"You ruined him."

"You can't even button up your shirt correctly! How dumb can you be?"

"He was better without you."

"He was happier."

"He cou-

"Just stop!" Tweek yelled at me. What was his problem? "Listen, I know I wasn't the best, I know I-I could've done better, and I'm sorry, Clyde!" Tweek sighed. "And you've been sh-shitting on me every day because of it, and I want you t-to stop!" I crossed my arms and puffed out my chest.

"And what are you gonna do about it, fuck face?"

"W-Well, I was wondering if we could talk about it at my place. And hopefully, we can resolve our problems."

At first, I thought hell no! I'm not forgiving this asshole so quickly. But then I had an idea.

I'll just kill him.

I applauded myself in my mind for such a great idea. "Fine." I rolled my eyes. "Th-thank you, it'll be at 8 by the way." Tweek quickly left.

After school was over I began running to my house, running through the newly covered snow. I ran through the front door, and closed the door. "Welcome home, Clyde!" My dad smiled. I ignored hus greeting and ran upstairs. Hearing my dad mutter "You must be in a rush..." His voice slowly faded out as I ran into my room. "Time to prepare." I grinned as I pulled out my laptop.

Time skip brought to you by Kyle's great ass.

I began walking to Tweek's house. I hid my butcher knife in my coat. He'll never notice! I glanced up and saw it. It. I noticed I began to sweat, no need to sweat Donovan! You'll just have to carry his body far out to the forest and no one would notice! Then you'll just leave, easy peasy! Tweek's parents were out on a date, so it was just me and Tweek. All. Alone. Together.

I knocked on the door, and it was opened immediately. "Welcome." Tweek's voice was unnervingly calm. "I've got you your favorite drink, Clyde. Why don't you head up stairs so we can talk?" He smiled. "Okay..." I got a bad feeling. I don't know why but.. I did. Something was totally off. Probably because I was going to kill Tweek and my nerves were just getting to me. So I set that stupid feeling aside.

I walked inside Tweek's room, legos were scattered across the floor. "Oh, don't mind that." I jumped. Tweek was so.. close. Wtf. "I was hoping we could try and build something.." He walked over to his desk and set our drinks down. I sat down next to him.

He held up his drink and said "Cheers?" Tweek smiled. I picked up my drink and returned the gesture, "Cheers." I began to chug my drink. Wow, it sure did taste odd.

I set my drink down along with Tweek. But as soon as I did, I felt my stomach explode. I fell to the floor gripping my stomach. I immediately started to throwing up. "WHAT THE FUCK!?!" I began sobbing. Tweek immediately ran over to me, grabbing my hair and shoving me onto the floor. "S-Shut up!" He growled.

"H-HELP!"

I began coughing blood.

"HELP M-ME PLE-PLEASE!"

I started to sob.

"I'M SORRY!"

I felt extremely light headed.

I started to throw up blood.

I felt like my brain was going to explode.

I just wanted justice.

I just wanted to help him.

Somehow.

But I couldn't.

I-

.

.

.

.

I failed.

okay

[bookstantrash]

A/N: Here it’s folks! Final part of my Queen inspired AU. I wanted to post it yesterday but got busy with school, sorry for the small delay. I hope you enjoy it! ☺️

Somebody to love — Part Two

Cassian knew something was wrong. He just didn’t know what.

He had received Nesta’s break up text three days ago out of the blue, and had been trying to reach her ever since.

She had blocked his contact. Had left her apartment.

So he contacted Emerie, which also didn’t answer any of his questions.

He didn’t have much luck with her sisters either.

His friends knew something had happened between him and Nesta, but hadn’t pried after seeing Cassian’s distressed face.

He hadn’t wanted to go out today. Specially after Azriel — Azriel of all people — suggested they go to the karaoke bar.

But he didn’t want to worry his friends any longer. And it had been an awful long time since they had gone out with Mor.

However, when they walked in and he heard a familiar voice — her voice — he wanted to grab Azriel and kiss him in gratitude.

Cassian couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Couldn’t stop listening to her sing.

He had always loved her voice. And when they had come here for their first date and he heard her sing... that was it for him.

When Nesta sang it was as if the whole world stopped to listen. She connected with the song, the way she felt everything so intensely giving a deeper meaning to the lyrics.

‘That’s my chance’ he thought while Nesta finished the song ‘I’m going to talk to her right now’

But when their eyes met and he saw how pissed she became, and how she started to argue with Feyre — no doubt thinking her younger sister had spilled the beans to Rhys, who in turn told him — he knew he had to act fast. So he did the first thing he thought of.

He got on the stage.

And decided he was going to win her back by redoing their first date, although with some slight changes.

“Nesta Archeron?” Cassian said on the microphone, hoping his voice didn’t give away how nervous he was.

He saw her nod in the crowd, and almost released a sight of relief. He had caught her off guard, good.

“This song is for you”

He just hoped she stayed long enough to hear what he had to say.

This thing called love, I just can't handle it

This thing called love, I must get round to it

Cassian had been head over heels for Nesta Archeron since five years ago when he met her at Feyre’s birthday party.

He became friends with her.

He had teased her.

He had shamelessly flirted with her.

Until, after much pestering from his part, she finally agreed to go on a date with him.

I ain't ready

Crazy little thing called love

In their first date, he had sang “Treasure”, by Bruno Mars.

He had been nervous as hell. He had this super elaborate plan on his head that went flying out of the window when he heard her sing.

He knew she must feel at least something towards him, if the way she reacted to his flirting was any indication.

Or the way he had caught her glancing at him when she thought nobody was looking.

This thing (this thing)

Called love (called love)

It cries (like a baby)

In a cradle all night

Still, Cassian couldn’t help but think that he had misinterpreted her.

Maybe all of that was just his mind playing tricks on him. Just wishful thinking of his.

But Cassian sang the damn song, and when he got off stage and came face to face with an expressionless Nesta, he felt his heart stop beating.

It swings (woo woo)

It jives (woo woo)

It shakes all over like a jelly fish

I kinda like it

Crazy little thing called love

Yet it went back to normal just fine after Nesta gave him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

And she kissed him.

Grabbed his T-shirt and pulled him towards her, smashing her lips against his.

Cassian thought if he died right then and there he would have been the happiest man to have ever lived.

There goes my baby

She knows how to rock 'n' roll

Deciding to spice things up a bit, Cassian jumped from the stage. And started to dance towards a very much shocked Nesta.

She drives me crazy

She gives me hot and cold fever

Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat

He was singing for her. Only her. Screw the rest of the bar. Screw his friends who were probably filming it all.

Nesta Archeron was the only one right now who deserved his attention and thoughts.

I gotta be cool, relax, get hip

And get on my track's

Cassian grabbed her hand with his free one, pulling her closer to him.

And then he was dancing with her.

Take a back seat, hitch-hike

And take a long ride on my motorbike

Cassian could swear he saw the corner of Nesta’s mouth turn up in a tentative smile.

He cheered internally.

She hadn’t punched him yet. That was a victory.

Until I'm ready

Crazy little thing called love

He stopped dancing. Stopped singing.

Never mind that there was still two verses left. He had to take his shoot now.

Cassian blindly gave the microphone to a guy standing near them.

“You” he said, not taking his eyes or hands away from Nesta “It’s your turn. Go on now”

Taking the hint, the guy grabbed the microphone and went to the stage, Feyre, Elain and Emerie also taking the opportunity to leave them alone, going to greet their friends.

But that small moment was enough to make Nesta snap back to reality.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she said, snatching her hand and taking a step back from him.

“Nesta” he breathed “Talk to me sweetheart. What happened?”

“Her” she answered, pointing at where their friends where standing “Her is what happened. How could you? How could you bring her here!”

“Wait, you’re talking about Mor?” to say Cassian was confused was an understatement. He was completely lost.

“Oh, so she has a name.” Nesta snorted, but Cassian knew her. He knew she was hurt. But he didn’t see why.

“Nesta, explain what this is all about. Because I’ve no damn idea what’s going on.”

“I saw you. With her. I finished my book before the deadline and wanted to make a surprise for you” she stopped to take a deep breath, and Cassian could see she was trying not to cry “I saw both of you on the sidewalk when I stopped at a traffic light. And you looked so happy, so carefree.”

“Nesta—“

“You have been so nervous around me these past weeks. I thought—I thought you were cheating on me. That you were trying to break things up but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. So I did it first” she bit her lip, and Cassian didn’t know if he should hug her for all the pain she must be feeling or shake her for thinking he could cheat on her.

“Mor is Rhysand’s cousin” he began, trying to appeal to her “She has been living abroad these past years as a diplomat, that’s why you never met her”

Nesta opened her mouth to say something, but Cassian beat her to it.

“She’s a childhood friend. I was happy because we haven’t seen each other in ages” he pointed at the redhead that was chatting animatedly with Rhysand “And because we both had rather good news. Mor is engaged to Vassa. She came back to visit and invite us all to the wedding.”

“Oh” Nesta opened her mouth in surprise, her cheeks pinking in shame.

“Oh indeed” Cassian laughed, shaking his head.

“But you just said that you ‘both had great news’. What do you mean?” it was Nesta’s turn to be confused.

“This is the good news” Cassian said, getting down on one knee “I have been nervous and quiet these past weeks because all I could think of was how to come up with a perfect plan. I thought of asking you after you finished your book, so you’d be less worried and we could celebrate both things in style”

He took a small velvet box from his jacket and Nesta’s eyes widened in shock.

“Cassian—”

“I have been carrying this with me for a long time now” he prayed she didn’t notice how his hands were shaking as he opened the small box “I love you Nesta Archeron and I want you to get through your tick-head that you are the only woman out there for me. You have ruined me for everyone else”

“I— Cassian, you don’t have to do this because of my insecurities”

“Did you not hear me woman? I absolutely adore you. I worship the ground you walk. I’m doing this because I want to. Because I want to do like Beyoncé said and put a ring on what I like. So please say yes, because I won’t be able to suffer anymore heartbreak than what I’ve felt these past three days” he took a deep breath “Be my wife Nesta Archeron. Be my wife and fight me, flirt with me and love me”

“Yes. A thousand times yes” happy tears were running down Nesta’s face as Cassian placed the wedding band on her finger — a single gold ring adorned by a single round-cut blue stone, the exact colour of her eyes.

“It was about bloody time” he growled, getting up to kiss Nesta, pouring all of his love and adoration for her in that kiss.

They were so focused on each other that they did not notice the bar applauding them, Feyre and Emerie crying, Rhysand filming it all while Mor and Vassa watched everything with curiosity, or Amren raising her drink in a silent toast.

And they didn’t see Azriel and Elain high-fiving each other, both of them smiling with self satisfaction.

•

Tags: @sayosdreams @thewayshedreamed @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @arin1030-blog @caotica-e-quieta @vidalinav @swankii-art-teacher @ireallyshouldsleeprn @duskandstarlight @greerlunna @thegoddessaltenia @dayanna-hatter @verypaleninja @awesomelena555

{Please let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list}

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Number One Fan

Steve Rogers x Reader

a/n: a commission for @crystalizedcaramel​ that I did a while ago and forgot to post, cause Im literally the worse. 

Summary: Rule one of doing drunk karaoke - don’t let Nat record you.

There is a pounding going on in your head, a massive hangover that is most definitely a punishment for how much you drank the previous night. Stretching, you lift the blanket off your face and stare up at the ceiling, taking in deep breaths to wake your body up. It doesn’t help because you can feel a turning in your stomach, you burp, and it tastes like beer and hot wings. The girls and you had gone out for a night of winding down after several back to back missions, Steve and the fellas decided to stay behind to order pizza and watch some fight on pay per view. It was a wild night, not that you can remember, but the pounding headache is a clue as to how much fun you had.

Your stomach grumbles again and you fly out of bed, rushing to your bathroom, barely lifting the toilet seat in time – yea, you had a good night all right. After vomiting for nearly a full two minutes, you start a hot shower and begin to wash away last night’s sins – well the word sin is a bit dramatic, nothing sinful about letting loose with your friends.  Now what was sinful is your lust for a certain leader of the Avengers with his nice hard rock biceps and crushing blue eyes, assertiveness in his voice but also the kindness when he puts down the shield and is just Steve Rogers.

Apparently, it is obvious, your crush on him, to everyone on the team but Steve himself. Natasha says it is the way you look at him, the fondness in your eyes even when he’s just talking about the morning news. She says it is sweet and that you should take the chance to tell the man how you feel but why do that? You value Steve’s friendship, he is the one you go to for nearly everything and can spend hours just talking. Sometimes he talks about his life before the crash, other times he comes to you for modern education – which really means you updating him on music and pop culture.

It is always nice and fun, and sometimes you notice this soft look on his face when he is speaking to you – one that you have yet to see him give to someone else and it makes you feel special. He makes you feel special and if you tell him how you feel, what if that all goes away?

That is what holds you back.

Getting out of the shower, you dry up and walk back into the room to get change. Twenty minutes later, you are cruising the halls to the kitchen for some coffee and breakfast. The smell of bacon and eggs welcomes you as you step into the kitchen; Sam and Natasha are at the helm of the stove, one at each burner. They look up in your direction at the same time and Sam laughs noting that you look like hell.

“I feel it too,” you say, taking a seat at the kitchen island. Looking to Nat you ask her if she’s hungover too. “You look unscathed.”

She shrugs. “I didn’t drink as much as you, in fact, no one at the entire bar drank as much as you.”

“How drunk was she?”

Rolling your eyes at Sam, you glance at Natasha innocently. “…yeah, how drunk was I?”

She grins but there is something off and a sinking feeling comes over you. She nudges Sam, calling out to FRIDAY. “Can you play the video I sent to Sam earlier?”

The A.I says of course, and you turn to the holo-screen above the kitchen table, it’s you on a small stage and suddenly it all comes back like a way – drunk karaoke.

Wanda, Maria, Nat and you are drinking, except you go overboard because you are heavily in your own feelings. People are singing and you down a shot before signing up for a turn, the girls cheer you on and Nat starts to record when you get on stage.

“Hey everybody!” Your words are slurry, but your stance is stable as you speak into the mic. “Soo…I wanna come up and sing for you guys -has, has anyone ever been in love?”

The crowd hoots and hollers.

“Yeah, so there’s this guy named Steve and I’m just completely in love with him but – but I’m a big chicken shit,” you laugh and shrug, nodding to the DJ to start the song. “This one’s for Steve.”

Everyone claps and shouts as you hold onto the standing mic; guitar chords play, and you smile. “Hold me close and tell me how you feel – tell me love is real…”

Your voice is lovely, always has been and you wish Steve was here to listen – he has never heard you sing and maybe if he did, he would fall in love with you. It was silly to think about but as you continue to sing the song, you close your eyes and think of him. Think of his beautiful face, boyish smile and his warm heart – how good it would feel to have him touch you.

“Words of love you whisper soft and true, darling, I love you.”

Natasha shouts your name and your eyes open; you smile.  “Let me hear you say the words I long to hear, darling, when you’re near. Words of love you whisper soft and true – Steve, I love you…”a

The song ends and everyone applauds, a few whistles ring over the noise and the alcohol you have been consuming, fills you with warmth.

The video ends and you feel embarrassed but Sam whistles. “Damn, you got some pipes on you.”

You turn to Nat and Sam, frowning. “There is video evidence of me proclaiming my love for Steve through a song, and all you can say is I have a nice voice.”

He shrugs as he plates breakfast. “Yeah.”

“Well, thank you,” you mutter with a sigh. “I’m just glad you guys stayed in, the last thing I need is Steve seeing that performance.”

“Would that be such a terrible thing?” Natasha asks and you say yes, it would be a bad thing because Steve sees you as a friend. Her face perks up and she calls on FRIDAY. “Play the video for Steve, please. He’s in the gym.”

Your eyes wide in fear as you jump from the seat. “What the fuck, Nat!”

Sam laughs as you race out of the kitchen, shouting for FRIDAY to turn off the video. Not knowing if she is listening, you hurry to the gym apologizing to Wanda, who you bump into on the way. You are breathless as you turn the corner to the gym, but someone collides into you – a hard body and you shout in surprise.

“Shit!”

“Sorry,” Steve chuckles, holding onto your shoulders. He’s gorgeous, smiling as asks if you are okay.

“Not really. Did you – did you see the video?”

He smiles wide and nods. “I did.”

“Welp, I’m going to…” slowly you attempt to turn away, but Steve pulls you back, letting his hands fall onto your waist. Your heart is racing as he touches the side of your face and all you can do is whisper his name. “Steve, I…”

 “I never wanted to say anything, didn’t want to ruin our friendship,” he explains, moving his body closer to yours. His hands feel warm against your cheek, it is everything you imagine. “I was willing to hold back my feelings if it meant I could keep you in my life but then I saw that video. You were really drunk.”

You laugh, nodding your head. “I was but I meant it all.”

Steve sighs in relief and moves his head closer to yours. He whispers, “Good, because you have to know, I love you too.”

Smiling, you close your eyes as his lips touch yours, and suddenly getting piss drunk and proclaiming your love for Steve through song in front of complete strangers was the greatest decision of your life.  Of course, Natasha is going to get hers – showing Steve an embarrassing video of you but for now, as his lips move against yours, it’s all good.

His arms slip around your waist before breaking the kiss; he leans his forehead against yours and grins. “Why didn’t you tell me you had such an amazing singing voice?”

Laughing, you shrug and place both hands on his shoulder. “Come to karaoke next time so I won’t have to imagine you there.”

Steve blushes, but leans forward and kisses you on the forehead. “I’ll be your number one fan.”

Biting down on your lip, you struggle to contain the happiness you feel knowing your life has changed for the better – the man you love, loves you back.

Sighing with contentment, you look at Steve and beam. “And I’ll be yours.”

[fellowbrock]

Lie Detector-Colby Brock

summary : requested by an anon "Colby’s your best friend and he reveals that he likes you while taking a lie detector test for Awesomeness tv’s Detected like when him and sam were on it. Just a lot of angst? I love your writing btw!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕" (bear with me this is my first angsty fic) i hope you like it !! 

Masterlist

warnings: angst,

   You had known Sam and Colby for so long. Like them, you were a band kid. A bit of a nerd, and high school definitely wasn't your favourite time. Being friends with the boys helped you get through those four years. Meeting Sam and Colby definitely saved you. You don't know where you'd be without them by your side every step of the way. You had been by their sides to support them through everything from Youtube, to MetaLife, to personal struggles. You were each others rocks, and that was never going to change.

   In LA, each of you made friends, finding longtime buddies and some fake friends. Your favourite new friend had to be Kat. Not only was she your absolute best friend besides Sam and Colby, but she also made Sam the happiest you had ever seen him and you loved her even more for that.    Colby never seemed to find a girl that stuck, even though he was basically perfect in every way, it seemed girls only wanted him for the way he looked or for his social media following.That was what pissed you off the most. He went between flings, fans threatening the girl every time he was spotted with one. That stopped him from trying to find someone even more. What you didn't know was that there were other factors stopping him, and it had nothing to do with the fans or LA girls.    Romance didn't come easy to you either, you met a couple guys here and there, but none of them ever peaked your interest enough. The closest thing to romance you ever got was slight flirting with Colby. You never thought anything of it, just friendly fun. Even though everyone else was convinced you'd end up married, you never really saw it.

Until this one video was posted on Youtube.

   Sam and Colby weren't new to interviews. They were pretty much naturals at it. Both of them were charming and charismatic in every interview they did. They were always their most authentic selves, and you applauded them for that. This one was different.

 You remembered the boys telling you about their day at AwesomenessTV, and they gushed over how much fun it was. Their enthusiasm made you very excited to see the videos that came out from that day, you patiently waited for the upload.

 The day finally came when Awesomeness posted the lie detector video, and you couldn't wait to see how this one went. You shot Colby a text saying 'about to watch your lie detector video! let's see how honest you really are brock.' You didn't wait for his response, setting your phone down with the screen facing down so you could concentrate on the video. It was on silent. Little did you know, Colby was texting back begging you not to watch it.  Obliviously, you clicked play on your laptop and watched it. Colby went first, it started out pretty normal, just cheeky questions about hook ups and different questions about their lives that you expected to hear. For the most part Colby was truthful, just small unimportant lies here and there. That was, until Sam got to the last question. A devious look crossed his face and you knew that look anywhere. This question was a juicy one. You sat up, eager to hear Sam spit out the question.

 "So Colby Brock, you are currently single," Sam started, as Colby rolled his eyes, scoffing at the lead up to the question. "And I think everyone would like to know....Do you like y/n?" Your heart dropped at the question, you couldn't decide which answer would be worse, yes or no. Colby's eyes went wide and he got redder than you had ever seen him get before. He bit his lip and shifted uncomfortably. He swallowed hard and answered with a very unsure,  "No I don't" His eyes darted straight to the laptop monitoring his test and the man running it told you what you already knew, just by Colby's reaction.  "He's lying." Sam yelled an 'OHHHHHH' in excitement, knowing this had definitely been a longtime coming. You slammed your laptop shut, not being able to even watch the rest of the video. Frankly, you didn't care what Sam had to lie about, you only cared about the blue haired boy on the screen indirectly confessing he liked you.

 You picked up your phone seeing 5 missed calls from Colby and about two dozen text messages from him. He had begged you not to watch it, telling you he'd explain and that you needed to answer so the two of you could talk. You felt frozen, you didn't know how to process this information. What made it even worse was the fact that your socials were blowing up, shipping you and Colby more than ever.

 All you could do was burst into tears, feeling so incredibly overwhelmed by the situation. You hadn't answered Colby, worrying him even more.

 All of a sudden, there was banging at your front door. You ran to it, being met with the blonde half of your favourite duo.

 "Hey hey hey are you okay?" He rushes in, pulling you into a hug. Without even asking if you watched it he asked, "Do you feel the same way?" you sniffled, you hadn't even thought of that.

 "Sam, I can't risk ruining everything we have." You said to him, suddenly swallowed whole by the agonizing thought of losing Colby. He nodded, understanding your feelings.

 "I know, you're gonna have to figure things out, Awesomeness kinda screwed everything for you. Colby is freaking the fuck out." He rubs your back pulling you to your couch.You wipe your eyes, fidgeting with your ring on your finger.

 "What do I do? I can't hurt him, but I can't lose him either."

 "Well y/n, you need to decide if you're willing to risk things with him, he's been in love with you since we were 18. You're always flirty and cuddly with him, do you not feel that way at all?"  You had to really stop and think, this wasn't a decision you could make on a whim. This was one of your  best friends, you couldn't deny how amazing Colby was, he was any girl's dream guy. You just had to decide if he was yours.

 "It's up to you y/n, but I think you guys would be amazing together. I always have." You picked up your phone, opening it to text Colby back. You took a deep breath and typed out your reply.

 'I never want to lose you Colby. If you're my forever, I want to be sure. Give me some time, just remember that no matter what happens I do love you.'

-

It had been a week. You had taken time to yourself, thought things through and finally came to a decision. You just hoped everything could be okay. You called Colby over to talk face to face. Opening your door for him, the sight of him made your heart swell.

"Hey."

"Hey."

He gave you the best hug you've ever received, which confirmed you'd made the right choice.

[s-starlight]

‼️SPOILERS ABOUT STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER‼️

I REPEAT ‼️SPOILERS ABOUT STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER‼️

So I will start off by saying, by no means am I a movie critic, 100% Star Wars fan, or a Star Wars critic. But I NEED to talk about The Rise of Skywalker. I love Star Wars and I need to talk about something that I love if I feel like something went wrong. I will start off by saying that I have mixed feelings about this movie. I didn’t HATE it, but I didn’t LOVE it. Also, this is in no way a hate post, it’s just me venting about it. If you loved the movie and feel like I might be over reacting or not educated enough about Star Wars, please kindly piss off because everyone is entitled to their opinion. My opinion will not be offensive nor will I be disparaging the hard work that went behind the movie. That being said, let’s get started.

(Spoilers ahead, this is the last time I warn you if you have not watched the movie. S P O I L E R S)

So, I will say Rey being a descendent from Palpatine was quite unexpected. He was honestly not even the last person that I expected her to come out from. For that, I applaud that bombshell. Also, let’s talk about Rey being the awesome woman that she is and leading the shit out of everything in that movie (and the previous 2). Ugh, I love her so much and saying goodbye to her in this movie sucked because I still want more from her. Her independence, the finding of her path, and finally understanding who she truly is was a wonderful journey to see. I definitely loved the message that went behind her character which was no matter where or who you came from, it does not define you as a person. You could be from the worse or best family in the world and still manage to either be good or bad. You make that decision and no one else. My heart dropped a little when she died in the end, but it was righted when Ben revived her. Aaaaaand then he died. Bare with me because this is going to get hectic.

Ben Solo did not only deserve better, but so did Adam Driver. The fact that I felt like his entire screen time was probably 10-15 minutes (AT MOST) really, completely, and utterly ruined this movie for me. It destroyed the movie because not only was he the son of LEIA ORGANA and HAN SOLO but also because he was the character I was invested in since the return of Star Wars. Killing him off was the worst way they ended this movie and the fact that they didn’t even show his ghost along Luke and Leia’s ghosts was so freaking aggravating. I mean in Return of the Jedi they showed Anakin as a force ghost after his redemption. So Ben didn’t even deserve to be a force ghost after he redeemed himself? This isn’t even mentioning the importance behind Rey and himself being freaking FORCE DYADS. The way they put him into this movie seemed like such an inconvenience they were trying to repair. Why would you create a character who is so important (by being Leia and Han’s son, Luke’s nephew, and Darth Vader/Palpatine’s apprentice) and just literally throw away his entire character in the last movie of the saga? All he did throughout this movie was tease Rey about who she was and bringing her back to life (not that I didn’t like that). If you were going to just have this guy as a core for a wack ending, then don’t build up to it. It was a rising storyline in the force awakens, getting stronger in the last jedi, and then just throwing it out the window in the rise of skywalker. I don’t even know what happened with that in this movie but it’s over.

Which brings me to the final point of this very fast-paced plot line. I mean wow, it’s totally fine that I found out about palpatine within the span of 5 seconds in the opening sequel and then Ben managing to find a way to him within the next 10. Yeah, no whiplash there at all. I understand it was the last movie but at least pace it? It really felt like a block of a plot being forcibly fit into the storyline we had from the force awakens and return of the Jedi. If they were going to rush the movie, they should of at least made it into 3 hours rather than the 2 we had. Everything felt like it just needed to be ended and since there was so much pressure, I felt like it was made under duress. Nevertheless, I will love Star Wars forever and I’m grateful for having been a part of this ride. For whatever else is coming, I will join in because it’s such an amazing universe and it’s nice to know that it’s become a culture that can be shared amongst everyone. Even though this is the last movie, I know this is not the end. This is one of the very few things that will live on and continue to gather more people from further generations. With all this being said:

P.S. Anyone else do a happy dance in their head when they saw Jodie Comer for those 10 seconds? Especially when finding out she’s Rey’s mom???

[anubislover]

Welcome to the Heart Pirates, Nami-ya Chapter 7: Payback

Instinct kicking in, Nami lifted up her right leg, slamming the stiletto of her high heel down onto her assailant’s foot. The surprised yelp he let out and the loosening of his arm gave her the opening she needed to drive the sharp point of her elbow back into his diaphragm, winding him. As he gasped for air she finally had enough leeway to break from his hold, spinning around as her hand went for the Clima-Tact strapped to her right thigh, ready to fight.

Another scream attempted to crawl up her throat as her mystery attacker was revealed, this time out of irritation. “Law! You creepy bastard; are you trying to get yourself killed?!”

Rubbing the soft, sensitive spot beneath his ribs where her elbow had made contact, he chuckled breathlessly. “Please, like someone like you could kill me.”

“Why did you even do that?”

“I felt like it.”

A frustrated vein popped out of her forehead, but at least her hand fell away from her weapon. If any of her crew had tried a stunt like that, they’d be nursing a concussion and probably some electric shocks. Law was lucky she still feared him enough to keep her temper in check. “If you don’t give me a better reason than that I’m gonna prove I can kill you, you asshole.”

“Fine, it was payback for leaving me behind,” he stated, crossing his arms, an annoyed frown tugging on his lips. “You’re one hell of an actress, Nami-ya, and I applaud your quick thinking, but next time, try to come up with an exit strategy that involves both of us; I had to set a curtain on fire then teleport myself out the window in the confusion.”

Scoffing, she cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. “A curtain? I counted at least four separate fires in there.”

He shrugged. “I only accept blame for one. Harpin really shouldn’t set up candelabras near flammable materials and clumsy, easily riled up guests. It’s just lucky White Chase was on hand to act as a living fire extinguisher.” Piercing eyes softened fractionally as they landed on her injured shoulder, the streaks of dried blood a stark contrast against her ivory skin. “Let me look at that.”

Nami tried to wave him off as he caged her against the wall, insistently tugging down the sleeve of her dress to study the shallow cuts. “I’m fine!” she squeaked, pushing against his chest futilely. What was with this guy and invading her personal space?

“As your doctor and captain, I insist.” The smooth leather of his gloved fingers gently prodded the crescent gashes, his frown lessening when he saw they’d already begun to clot. With a curt nod he said, “I’ll clean these up when we’re back on the ship; she missed the artery, so they’re hardly life-threatening, but if they get infected, I’ll tear that bitch’s head off.”

The violence in his tone should not have sent such a pleasant shiver down her spine. “I think we should just send her your medical invoice and the dry-cleaning bill; heart attacks are less messy.”

His lip curled up into the familiar, cocky smirk. “That is the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me,” he purred, leaning his forearm against the wall above her head so he could loom over her. It was times like these that she really hated that he always wore boots with heels; what right did a six-foot-three lanky bastard like him have to wear shoes that made him even taller? It practically negated the three extra inches her own heels gave her.

On her post-mission shopping spree she was going to buy the tallest pair of platform heels she could find.

Arching her neck like a swan so she could meet his eyes, she quipped, “Thank you for reminding me just how creepy you are; I was almost starting to forget.”

The heavy stench of burning fabric and the frantic shouts of the party guests were muffled in the little side hallway, but still strong enough to nearly mask the sound of a pair of heavy footsteps tromping in their direction. Had Nami’s senses not been on high alert due to the adrenaline pumping through her veins, she might have missed them along with the tell-tale scent of cigars.

“Shit, Smoker’s coming!” she whispered harshly, eyes wider than a Jolly Roger’s.

He cocked his head to the side, listening. “Sounds like it.”

“What do we do?” The easy answer would be to sneak through the servant’s door behind them, but there was too much of a risk that the Marine could catch the movement of the fluttering curtain or hear the slam of the door and investigate; then they’d look even more suspicious, sneaking into hidden areas like a couple of crooks.

Law seemed to have come to a similar conclusion, as well as developed a plan in the span of two seconds. She just wished he’d taken the time to clue her in before capturing her lips with his and pulling her curvy figure tightly against him in an amorous embrace. At first, Nami stiffened, instinct telling her to slam her knee into his crotch for being stupid enough to make a move on her at a time like this, but as the heavy footsteps stomped closer, she figured it out and gave as good as she got, tilting her head to allow Law better access and wrapping her arms around his neck, only squeaking slightly when he hoisted up one of her long legs to hook over his narrow hip.

The ballroom kiss had been tempting, but this one set her body on fire. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the thrill of being caught, but her flesh seemed oversensitive, the soft fabric of her dress brushing her skin juxtaposed with the harsh feeling of one large hand massaging her thigh while the other fisted her hair sending delightful shocks down her spine. Pressed against the wall, his body heat permeating through their clothes, dirty fantasies began to fill her head. She imagined him slowly sliding down her body, leaving teasing kisses in his wake, before dropping fully to his knees, ripping open her gown, and burying his head between her thighs.

The mental image, combined with Law’s tongue sensually prodding the seam of her mouth, made her thighs clench, the leg around his waist unconsciously drawing him closer. An involuntary moan escaped her throat just as the loud footsteps halted, the sickly-sweet scent of tobacco filling the air.

“The fuck do you two think you’re doing?”

Law was the one to break the kiss, turning his head just enough to glare at Smoker over his shoulder, the raven mask’s stern design making it that much fiercer. “Making up after a fight,” he panted, and the annoyance in his tone didn’t sound fake, as if he was genuinely displeased with the interruption.

If it had been a false alarm and Smoker hadn’t walked in on them, would Law have continued kissing her? Forced his tongue past her plush lips in a quest to discover what she tasted like? Tested his luck and slid his hand higher up her thigh? Would she have even tried to stop him?

White puffs of smoke drifted towards the ceiling as the Marine stared them down with disdain. “Yeah? Well maybe you should save that shit for the bedroom; makes me less likely to arrest you for public indecency.”

Nami’s face went bright red beneath her cat mask; had they really been that bad or was Smoker just a prude? Given how the right shoulder of her dress was hanging dangerously low and her entire left leg was exposed, cradling Law’s pelvis flush to her own, she was inclined to believe the former. “We’re really sorry,” she mumbled shyly, gently pushing Law away. He seemed reluctant to vacate his place in her arms, but after a slightly more insistent shove—along with a light kick to the back of his thigh—he finally dropped her leg, the hand in her wig sliding down to rest between her shoulders so she could safely regain her footing. Forcing tears to her eyes, she sobbed dramatically, “It’s just been such an awful night, and I was upset; that terrible old woman said so many horrid things to me…”

Slipping back into his role as the caring boyfriend, Law cradled her head to his chest. “Shhh. It’s ok, sweetheart. I know you’d never lead a man on, and you’re a hundred times classier than anyone in that room. And I’m sorry I got so angry; it’s just seeing that bitch hurt you—”

“You’re hurt?” Smoker cut in, concerned. “How bad?”

Pulling away, Law indicated the streaks of blood, mouth set in a sour frown. “Lady Beatrix must have knives on her fingers instead of nail extensions.”

“You need medical assistance? We could probably ask a servant if they’ve got any bandages.”

He shook his head. “I’m a doctor, and I’ve got a first aid kit back on the ship. They’re not deep, but I’d rather treat her myself than risk an underpaid servant messing it up.”

“Then I’d be happy to help you press assault charges.”

“Tempting, but I get the feeling the Harpins have enough money and connections to get it swept under the rug, nor do I trust them not to pay off the other guests to say I assaulted her.”

Peeking over her shoulder, Nami could see Smoker’s teeth grinding against the filter of his cigar in agitation. “Unfortunately, you’re right; I’m actually out here because Harpin bitched at me to track down the guy who hit his sister.”

“I swear I did nothing more than restrain her; she was the one who tried to hit me.”

“Oh, I believe you; that crazy bitch has tried to claw my eyes out once or twice.” He chuckled a bit, tapping the ashes of his cigar onto the marble floor. “She claims we’re all common street trash, but the second she gets pissed off, she fights like a gutter rat. So, what do you wanna do, Dr. Goodheart?”

The pair tensed. “You know my name?”

“Hina said you were the guy who helped her avoid Harpin while I was out hittin’ the head.” His eyebrow raised slightly, not missing their reaction. It wasn’t unusual; most people, even good, honest citizens, would be wary of an authority figure so easily identifying them. Still, Nami could see in his eyes that he was sizing them up, trying to place their faces to any of the hundreds of wanted posters he glared at every day.

“Of course,” Law replied, carefully keeping relief from bleeding into his voice. “Well, I’m sure you understand that I’m reluctant to let myself get arrested, especially for something I didn’t even do.”

“Mister Smoker, I know we caused a bit of a scene in there, but please don’t tell anyone you saw us,” Nami pleaded, chestnut eyes wide and frightened. Pulling away from her partner, she clasped her hands together beseechingly. “I promise neither of us meant any harm, and I just want to go home.”

The pirate hunter’s frown deepened. “Yeah, I can relate.” He sighed. “Look, technically, I should still be bringing you in since she wants to press charges but making sure nobody got hurt from that fire is way higher up on my list of priorities. So, since you did Hina a solid and Beatrix is a crazy bitch, I’m gonna pretend that I found a different couple making out in the hallway and head back. If I see Harpin or his shit family coming this way, I’ll try to hold them off. You kids get the hell out of dodge in the meantime.”

“Oh, thank you, Smoker-kun! You really are the hero everyone claims!”

Did she imagine it, or was there a faint splash of pink across his cheeks? It was hard to tell in the dim light. “Yeah, yeah. Just save any further ‘making up’ for when you’re not in public; I’m not covering for your asses a second time because you couldn’t control your damn hormones.”

With that, he spun on his heel and marched down the hall, not even sparing them a glance as he turned to head back to the ballroom. Nami was honestly surprised he’d let them go; maybe it was because he didn’t realize they were pirates, or he just hated Harpin that much. Either way, she was grateful he was willing to turn a blind eye just this once.

The second Smoker was out of sight, a blue aura surrounded them, and in the time it took to blink, they were halfway up a flight of narrow, creaky stairs. Glancing up at Law questioningly, he indicated the door at the bottom. “Took us through the servant’s entrance. Let’s get to the fourth floor; there’s a storage closet near the top where we can stash your dress. I need you light on your feet, not weighed down by wallets.”

“You’d better retrieve it before we get out,” she said firmly, poking his chest, “otherwise I’m charging you for my lost profits, plus 500% interest.”

He rolled his eyes before easily jogging up the stairs, his long legs letting him take the steps two at a time. Carefully gathering up the hem of her gown, Nami followed, scowling at his rudeness; she was shorter than him and wearing high heels, so shouldn’t he be more accommodating to her pace? It was a small but stark reminder that he was a pirate, not the gentleman he’d been pretending to be all evening.

Of course, their interaction in the hall had already done that; even if it was just an act, polite, well-bred gentlemen didn’t kiss like Trafalgar Law.

The door into the mansion’s fourth floor foyer was silent as he carefully nudged it open, the hinges well-oiled to prevent any noise from potentially disturbing the master of the house. Servants were supposed to be practically invisible until called for, able to pop out at a moment’s notice without so much as a sound. The closet was right beside the servant’s entrance, out of the way and easily ignored, perfect for hiding a Cat Thief’s contraband in.

Law quickly checked his watch. “Six minutes before showtime. Once the first distraction hits, make a beeline to the study. We’ll have to be quick; since White Chase and Black Cage didn’t take my advice to leave early, they’ll probably go after the crew. Ikkaku’s team might be able to draw their attention towards the mansion’s docks with their little surprise, but I’d like to avoid as much bloodshed on our side as possible.”

Not liking the idea of her new friends having to take on such dangerous Marines by themselves, Nami didn’t complain about being ordered around, merely slipping inside. A pull to the string hanging from the ceiling cast the closet in a dim glow, revealing an assortment of cleaning supplies, bedding, and a row of neatly pressed, copper maid uniforms, complete with headpiece, apron, and opaque tights. “I’m kind of surprised you didn’t have us sneak in dressed as servants,” she observed, glancing around.

The door closed behind her, and she stiffened as she heard Law’s voice whisper in her ear, “I considered it, but as much as I’d love to see you in a skimpy uniform, I don’t have the best track record with maids.”

Though startled at his closeness, she wasn’t surprised; logically, it was better to hide out with her instead of lingering outside where he might draw attention, and she was beginning to get used to his disregard for her personal space. Turning to face him, she raised a curious eyebrow. “Aw, does someone have a jilted lover?” she asked with a teasing smirk. “Some innocent maid you seduced and left with a broken heart?”

He scoffed, leaning against the door. The storage closet was decent-sized, though with the bedding and clothes taking up most of the space it felt cramped, especially for a man as tall as Law. “Childhood acquaintance at best, and I’m pretty sure she’d try to kill me if we ever saw each other again.”

“Well, I mean, who wouldn’t?”

“Then it’s a good thing my powers can get me out of trouble.”

Realization dawned on her, causing Nami to scowl and smack his shoulder. “Wait, you could have teleported us through the door before Smoker saw us, couldn’t you?”

His too-wide grin returned to his face, the skin around his eyes crinkling. “Possibly.”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

Chuckling, he stepped forward, caging her against the wall. Nami was beginning to think it was his default move for throwing her off-balance, and worst of all, it kept working. “Because I changed my mind; that was my payback for leaving me to figure out my own escape. It works out in our favor, though, since White Chase will have no reason to suspect we were involved when shit goes down,” he stated, hand absently brushing the batons strapped to her right thigh. Automatically, the thief’s hand smacked it away, but her back stiffened as he whispered, “Besides, you could have used your Clima-Tact to hide us—I think you were just looking for an excuse to make out.”

“Like hell I was!” she snapped, embarrassed. God, she hadn’t even thought about using her Mirage Tempo, too overwhelmed to even think straight. As much as she hated to admit it, Law’s quick thinking really had saved their asses, though it didn’t excuse his choice to kiss her instead of using his powers.

A strong hand quickly slapped over her kiss-bruised mouth. “Quiet, Nami-ya,” he murmured. “Or are you hoping to draw attention so I’ll have to kiss you again?”

When all she could do was let out a couple angry grunts in response, he laughed lowly.

I swear, he gets off on being a smug bastard, she thought sourly, russet eyes glaring daggers into his self-satisfied expression. Out of spite, she tried to bite his palm as punishment for manhandling her, but the smooth leather protected the delicate skin.

Despite not managing to hurt him, Law clearly felt her attempt. “Careful, sweetheart; I don’t mind a little biting, but I pay back with interest.”

Nami stiffened when she felt his molten breath against the exposed skin of her uninjured shoulder. His grey eyes homed in on the taut tendons of her neck, like a vampire in one of those raunchy paperbacks she’d secretly bribe Robin to get for her. The color might have been a dramatic change, but the intensity was all too familiar at this point. Before she could so much as try to squirm away, his long arm wrapped around her waist, pinning her arms to her sides. Quick and silent as an owl, he swooped in, latching his mouth onto the exposed flesh right above her thundering pulse.

Any sounds of protest were muffled by his hand, and though she tried to struggle, the close quarters of the closet mixed with his unyielding grasp made it next to impossible to maneuver about. The hand clamped over her mouth bent her head to the side, presenting him the full expanse of her tantalizing skin.

Worst of all, the feeling of his hot mouth against her pale throat was incredibly arousing. The man didn’t settle for just kissing or sucking—he bit, licked, and lavished the spot with a single-minded purpose. It was a perfect storm of sensation; the sharp sting of his teeth was immediately followed by the soothing stroke of his tongue. Firm sucks countered by delicate caresses from his lips. Nami’s sounds of protest gradually trailed off, and she had to bite down on her own lip to keep him from knowing they’d turned into sighs of pleasure. She really hoped he didn’t notice the way her knees started to tremble slightly every time he gave a particularly sharp nip. A low fire burned in her belly and her body cried out for him to bless other parts of her with his delicious attention.

He didn’t let up for at least a full three minutes, taking his time and savoring the way her fading struggles rubbed her soft breasts against his chest. When he finally released the flesh with a slick pop, followed by one last sensual sweep of his tongue, he paused a moment to admire his handywork before dropping his arms.

Pleasure clouding her brain and chest heaving, it took Nami an embarrassingly long time to regain her senses. When she did, though, her glower could have frozen whiskey. “And what the fuck was that for?”

“As always, payback. Your little mikan juice prank left an embarrassing mark on me, so this only seems fair.”

She didn’t need to see her reflection to know there was an unmistakable hickey on the side of her neck, and given how much effort he’d put in, the color likely complimented her tourmaline jewelry. “How the hell am I supposed to cover this?” All her shirts were low-cut, and if it was a bad as she assumed, even caking on her foundation wouldn’t completely do the job.

His expression was completely unsympathetic. “How the hell was I supposed to cover my sunburn? I guess you’ll just have to deal.”

“You are such an asshole!”

He chuckled but didn’t argue, hands straying down to her belt, easily undoing the black jeweled buckle.

She nearly shrieked as she batted his hands away, shoving him back with all her might. “Now what the hell do you think you’re doing?” The kiss and hickey had been one thing, but there was no way in hell she was going to stand by and let him strip her down.

“Helping you out of this dress so we can start the actual mission.”

“I can undress myself!”

“If you insist,” he replied, taking a step back to lean against the wall, watching her intently.

His heady gaze brought a hot flush to her cheeks. “Turn around!”

“You’re hardly naked under that dress, Nami-ya, and I’ve seen you in less. What are you so embarrassed about?”

“I’m not embarrassed; I just don’t need you ogling me like a pervert.”

“You don’t like me looking at you, yet you’ll shamelessly straddle me and use the pretense of putting on sunscreen to feel me up. Such an appalling double-standard.”

“You know I only did that to distract you from the sunburn!”

“So you finally admit you did it on purpose, eh?”

“You—!” she snarled before the house rocked, a deafening explosion echoing down the halls. Her legs shook as the sound made her ears ring, disorienting her briefly and making her nearly miss Law’s nonchalant comment.

“Ah, and there’s Shachi’s distraction,” Law said, glancing at his watch, face morphing into a serious frown. “Playtime’s over, then.” Bird skull cane in hand, he expanded his Room around her, murmuring “Scan” as he swept it to the side. Nami shrieked as her dress, wallets and all, vanished from her body and reappeared in Law’s waiting hand.

Without the billowy fabric of the gown she felt utterly exposed in her black bodysuit; the undergarment was little more than a bathing suit, its spaghetti straps, plunging neckline, and high leg holes designed to be virtually invisible beneath her dress and allow her unencumbered movement once they started sneaking around. Yet despite how incredibly sexy it was, hugging her curves and showing off a tempting amount of skin, Law looked at her with the same stoic, professional expression he’d worn in the infirmary.

After silently securing the gold gown onto an empty hanger, he pushed open the closet door, ushering her outside when he confirmed the coast was clear. “We have no time to waste; that explosion is sure to have attracted White Chase and Black Cage, and I don’t want my men fighting them any longer than necessary.”

Somehow, Nami felt more uncomfortable than if he’d been openly leering at her. How was it that he always seemed the most uninterested when she was wearing the fewest clothes? Was it just situational, or was there something about her naked skin that repulsed him? Perhaps he had some kind of weird fetish for fully dressed people, or he just enjoyed teasing her because he found her reactions amusing and not because he found her particularly attractive?

She knew this wasn’t the time to let insecurity cloud her mind, so she shoved her thoughts to the side, though she was certain they’d crash back down on her when she went to sleep that night. For now, she immersed herself in the burglar mindset, following Law into the hallway and toward the study six doors down.

Though hardly as large or grand as the ballroom, it was definitely the domain of a rich man. Mahogany furniture, Bookshelves that reached the ceiling, gold-framed paintings, crystal lamps, suits of armor, and massive windows dominated the room. What really drew the eye, though, was the solid gold statue of a giant squid even taller than Law, its massive tentacles arched as if waiting to grab its prey.

Mere feet from that, though, in the back-left corner of the room, was the Seastone safe. Lacking ornamentation and hardly larger than a bedside table it was as innocuous as it could get. Which, given the Baron’s tastes and the value of what was inside, meant it was clearly trapped.

Law once more used his Devil Fruit to Scan the room, snorting derisively. “Idiot hasn’t even changed the booby traps since I was here last. There’s a massive Seastone net that’ll fall from the ceiling if you step on the third row of tiles from the entrance. A pressure gage will drop a steel grate in front of the door if the safe is moved.” He pointed to a suit of armor much like Reginald’s costume that was positioned conspicuously close to the safe, a long halberd clutched loosely in its gauntlets. “There’s another pressure tile right in front of the safe; if you stand on it too long, that blade will bisect whoever’s standing there.”

“I’m surprised there aren’t more,” Nami replied, glancing around the room suspiciously.

“Oh, there are, but those are the ones you need to worry about. Your mission is getting that safe opened; I’ll deal with anything else that comes up.”

As much as she wanted to scowl as his brisk orders, she knew this wasn’t the time or place. Later, though, she had every intention of giving him a piece of her mind about how to talk to a thief volunteering her precious time to help steal classified Naval information.

She took special care to follow Law’s lead, watching for any out-of-place movements or tiles, not trusting that he hadn’t forgotten to tell her about another trap. When they were securely across the room, the Cat Thief carefully studied the safe; the main body was definitely made of Seastone, but what concerned her was the dial. It was common stainless steel, but it was a model she’d only seen prototypes for; instead of deciphering three numbers, the combination could be anywhere between four and fifteen numbers long. That meant it would take longer to unlock, and there was no way of knowing how long the sequence was except through trial and error.

“I know it’s Seastone, but can’t you teleport it out of here so we won’t have to worry about getting caught?” she asked nervously.

“I could, but I’m trying to avoid Harpin figuring out who robbed him. There are only so many Devil Fruit users who could avoid his traps and make a whole Seastone safe disappear, my name’s at the top of that list. Should we leave a calling card, too? Maybe ‘Trafalgar Law and Cat Thief Nami were here’ on parchment paper with gold calligraphy?”

“Fine, fine. Just a thought,” she grumbled, unstrapping the collapsible stethoscope she’d borrowed from the sub’s infirmary from her thigh. Without any clue to the combination, there was no other option than to listen to the little gears inside as she turned the dial and hope she got the correct amount of numbers. The trouble was it was slow, delicate work with no room for distractions, and with the pressure tile and potential noise the next explosion would inevitably cause, she was already on two separate timers.

A deep, steadying breath filled her lungs as she prepared to start, only for her eyes to drift over to where Law was studying the little plaque at the base of the squid statue, his face dark and hands clenched so hard she was surprised the leather across his knuckles didn’t split.

Curious, she peeked over his shoulder to read aloud, “‘Thanks for everything, Harp! Love, Doflamingo.’” Her eyes widened in horror and shock. Of course she’d heard that name, along with several blood-curdling stories that ensured she’d never willingly cross his path. “Donquixote Doflamingo? The shichibukai? What’d Harpin do to earn a solid gold statue from that guy?”

“Nothing good, that’s for sure,” he ground out through his teeth, eyes locked on the name as if trying to set it on fire.

“And why’s it a squid?”

“Who the fuck cares?” Law snapped, stalking away from the statue towards the window. “You’re wasting time. The dock will explode in three minutes, and Penguin’s squad will set off their bombs six minutes after; if that safe’s not open by then, I’m going to have to assume your skills are limited to petty pickpocketing instead of real burglary.”

She bristled at the insult but forced herself to let it roll off her back. They were both stressed, nervous about the crew and getting caught and the potential for things going horribly wrong due to forces beyond their influence. Law in particular was a control-freak, used to his powers negating most obstacles he might face, while Nami had always had her nakama watching her back, ready get her out of any trouble she might find herself in. They were both in a situation they weren’t comfortable in, and the only way they were going to get through it was to stop going for each other’s throats and just get the job done.

“Just keep quiet so I can work,” she replied, getting back into position.

Glancing out the window into the mansion’s gardens below, Law’s eyes widened. “Fuck!” he hissed, drawing a thin, hidden sword out of his cane.

“What wrong?” she asked, panicked.

A swirl of energy formed in his hand as he prepared to activate his Room. “White Chase has Shachi’s group cornered. I count at least four injured, and the last three stand no chance against his powers.” He gave her a stern look. “Stay here and focus on cracking that safe. I need to see to my crew.”

“But—!”

Her protests were met only with empty air as blue energy engulfed him, teleporting him outside to aid his men.

“He’s supposed to be a pirate; why does he always seem to run off on me to play hero?” she grumbled, turning back to the safe. Still, if Smoker had already taken down half of Shachi’s team, they needed Law’s help way more than she did. She could only hope Hina was busy protecting the guests instead of hunting down the rest of the Heart Pirates.

Now without her backup and lookout, Nami knew she really had no time to waste. But she also had no one to warn her if Harpin was coming. No one to pull her out of the way if the pressure trap sprang. What she did have was a lock that took potentially five times longer than normal. She started to quake in fear as she realized Law hadn’t specified how long it took before for the pressure trap to activate; just that it was on a timer. Glancing up, the razor-sharp blade of the long axe glinted menacingly in the light, angled just so that it would slice straight through her skull when activated. She had half a mind to remove it, but that might waste even more time.

Tense and terrified, she pressed the stethoscope to the safe door and carefully began turning the dial, anxiously listening for those telltale cues that she’d gotten the right combination.

Eight…seventy-two…forty…ninety-six…fifty-six…twenty-four. On the first attempt the door remained firmly shut. Either the slight tremor in her hands had messed her up just enough, or she hadn’t gotten the full combination.

Ok, let’s try again. Eight…seventy-two…for— The second try, she was distracted by the distant sound of an explosion; Ikkaku’s team had struck. It hadn’t been nearly as loud as the first explosion, but it completely threw her off, jumbling her already whirring mind making her hand jerk the delicate dial too far.

Frustration made her cheeks flush. She knew it wasn’t the crew’s fault—they were just following orders—but did Law have to come up with a plan where bombs would go off during the time she needed to focus the most? And couldn’t he have come up with a better distraction than loud, floor-shaking explosions? As if the blood bounding in her ears wasn’t deafening enough!

Halfway through the third attempt—which was already going badly because her hands were shaking to the point she was certain she’d fucked up the first turn—she scampered away from the safe, certain that she’d seen the halberd’s shadow move and that she’d activated the trap. Looking up fearfully, she realized it was just her mind playing tricks on her, as the blade didn’t so much as twitch.

Nerves on edge, she knew she needed to calm down before she could try again. Standing up and crossing the room, she peeked out into the hallway, hoping that doing so would give the pressure tile a chance to reset while making sure no one would stumble across a sexy thief in a skimpy black bodysuit. The coast was clear, but she didn’t feel any more secure. Part of her even wished someone was coming so she’d have an excuse to give up, or at least hide until she’d fully calmed down. But she knew if Law did come back and found she’d given up, he’d be furious, and his men would have gotten hurt for nothing.

This would be so much easier if I at least knew how long the combination was, she groused, pacing and wringing her hands fretfully. She was halfway tempted to look out the window and check on the battle below, but she knew that if she saw things weren’t going well her panic attack would get even worse.

I should just cut my losses and run. Those books can’t be worth all of this, Nami thought, heart vibrating like a hummingbird against her ribcage. Why’s Law counting on me so much for this? How does he know I won’t screw up and get captured? And if I do get caught, there’s no way he’d risk rescuing me; I’m not even part of his crew! What kind of moron puts such blind faith in someone like me? What do I do?! What do I—

A voice in her heart that sounded oddly like Luffy replied, Quit screaming your head off. You’re a nakama of the future Pirate King. Don’t make that pathetic face.

Unbidden, a smile came to her lips, her terrified, cowardly thoughts dissolving like sugar in hot tea. Luffy was the kind of moron who had blind faith in her. Had since they met, even after she turned him over to Buggy. That plan had put him in a far more dangerous position than she was in with Law’s, and yet he still asked her to be his navigator. In Cocoyashi, he refused to believe her heartless witch act and freed her from Arlong, declaring her his nakama. Back on Skypiea, her captain had told her to quit being a coward and live up to her position as a member of his crew. He’d even entrusted his treasured hat to her. He’d never do that if he didn’t believe in her ability to keep it safe, to still be there when he finished his battle. And she wouldn’t have stayed by his side, risking life and limb, if she didn’t believe in his ability to beat the odds and come out on top.

Luffy would be Pirate King someday because he had faith in both his crew and his own abilities. Shouldn’t she do the same?

Determination swept through her and she watched her hands lose their tremor. She was a scaredy-cat, but she always came through when her crew needed her. How could she be expected to aid her nakama in the New World if she couldn’t rob one little safe for the Heart Pirates? She was the Straw Hat navigator and master thief, and nothing would stop her.

A chance glance at the octopus facade cared into the dark wood of Harpin’s desk nearly made her slap herself even as a laugh bubbled up in her throat. The Baron was obsessed with octopi. The Navy called him “The Golden Octopus.” On her first attempt at cracking the safe, she’d only gone up to six rotations, but now she could see the pattern.

The answer was painfully obvious; the safe’s combination was eight numbers long, all multiples of eight.

Ok, Nami, you know what to do, and you need to make this one count, she thought, cracking her knuckles as she crouched in front of the safe. Once more steady as a surgeon’s, her hand confidently took hold of the dial. Get it open this time and you can get the hell out of here; you can grab your dress, let Law know you’ve got the stupid information, and he can teleport the crew back to the sub before anyone else gets hurt.

Blocking out every sound save the delicate mechanisms inside the safe, the dial glided easily back and forth, each tiny click ringing through her heart like Skypiea’s golden bell.

Eight. Seventy-two. Forty. Ninety-six. Fifty-six. Twenty-four. Sixteen. Eighty-eight.

Upon the eighth turn she halted, gently tugging on the safe’s handle, the door opening as smoothly as Zoro’s sword sliced through the air.

Reverently, she removed her prize, kicking the door shut and shuffling back to the base of the suit of armor as a precaution. In her hands weren’t files like she’d expected, but three black, leather-bound ledgers, each embossed with raised gold letters on the cover.

The first one was titled “Intel,” and curious to know what secrets the Navy might have entrusted to the likes of the Baron, she decided to sneak a little peek. Opening to a random page her eyes widened at what she saw, and she quickly scanned through other sections, growing more and more concerned. Even at a glance, she could tell every page contained sensitive information; coordinates of secret bases, copies of un-redacted mission reports, scientific research signed by Dr. Vegapunk, formulas for chemical weapons, and even a detailed diagram of the Pacifista robot. Most of it was older information that a former Marine Intelligence officer would have easily been able to come by, but some of this stuff was from as recent as last week!

Reginald said Harpin was basically forced to retire, Nami thought as she opened the second ledger, this one more innocently titled “Personal,” but it looks like that hasn’t stopped him from gathering information. Why, though? What could he possibly need it for?

Based on the label, she’d expected it to be full of the Baron’s own information, like finances and family secrets, but instead it was personal information on various World Government officials, Marines, and royal families. There were dossiers on the likes of Smoker, Hina, Kizaru, Akoji, Wapol, King Sterry, King Cobra, and so many others, and it included family trees and notable accomplishments, along with damning photos, eyewitness accounts of indiscretions, reports of war crimes, and notes on potential ways their connections or powers could be used to Harpin’s advantage. In other words, it was pure blackmail.

As damning as the first two books were, it was the third that made her shiver. In simple gold letters, the word “Shichibukai” gleamed up at her. Cracking it open, she cautiously thumbed through the pages, swallowing hard when she realized it was full of dossiers just as detailed as the last ledger’s, only this time solely dedicated to past, present, and even potential Warlords and their crews. Sir Crocodile, Kuma, Boa Hancock, Doflamingo, even Ace and Blackbeard were given extensive profiles that appeared frequently revised and updated.

Her fingers paused on a familiar name, the image of a stern, whale shark Fishman’s face glaring up at her.

“Knight of the Sea” Jinbei.

It was a name she’d heard at Arlong Park.

“Here’s your food, human,” Hatchan sneered, tossing a plate of Takoyaki onto her desk. Plenty of the crew liked to take out their tempers on her when they thought they could get away with it, and though arguably the least aggressive, Nami knew not to mess with the six-armed swordsman when he was in a bad mood. “Too good for the likes of you, but nobody else wanted them and I didn’t feel like wasting time cooking anything else.”

The insult washed over Nami like a gentle wave; after two years trapped in Arlong Park she was used to it, and she was just grateful they deigned to feed her at all. When they’d first set her up in her horrible chart room, they hadn’t cared whether or not she was given proper food until she had passed out from hunger. It was only then that Arlong had decreed she needed to be fed at least once a day, and that job was typically treated as punishment among the Fishmen.

Famished, she popped one of the fried balls into her mouth, eyes widening in surprise at the taste. “Th-these are really good!” she said, eagerly swallowing it down and reaching for another.

Hatchan’s expression was just as stunned. “Really? You like them?” he asked excitedly, two pairs of hands clasped together in joy.

“Yeah, they’re great!” Ordinarily, the very idea of complimenting one of the monsters that had enslaved her would have been sickening, but she was too hungry to care. And they really were delicious. Way better than the cold porridge or burnt meat she usually got.

He seemed unusually pleased, crossing his arms and grinning proudly. “Well, I guess even a human can have good taste. If I hadn’t become a pirate, I’d have opened up my very own Takoyaki stand on the Grand Line.”

“Why didn’t you?” she asked through a mouthful of fish. The young cartographer didn’t really care, but the longer she kept him talking, the more time she had to give her cracked and bleeding hands a break from the hours of mapmaking.

He sighed. “Just about everyone thought an octopus selling Takoyaki was ridiculous. It would have been hard to stay in business back home, and not a lot of other places would accept a Fishman setting up shop. Jinbei always encouraged me to follow my dream, but I’d already promised Captain Arlong I’d help him achieve his.”

Jinbei. She’d heard that name before, usually when Arlong was drunk or in a bad mood, cursing it with more venom than a Man-of-War Jellyfish. Who was he? An old enemy? A bounty hunter? Someone strong enough to defeat the Fishman Pirates and save her village?

The saw-nosed captain was terrifyingly strong, but not invincible. Maybe she could contact this Jinbei person and hire him as an assassin? She’d slowly been saving up money to buy back Cocoyashi, but she’d happily give it all to anyone who could kill her mother’s murder. And Arlong had the highest bounty in the East Blue, so surely she could use that as further incentive; she’d pay what she could, and the government would handle the rest.

Adopting a look of wide-eyed innocence, Nami turned to fully face Hatchan, “I’ve heard Arlong mention someone named Jinbei before. Just in passing, though. Who is he?”

“Oh, he was one of our comrades when we were part of the Sun Pirates. If you think Kuroobi’s Fishman Karate is strong, Jinbei’s blows him out of the water! Even Arlong couldn’t beat him!”

“He sounds strong.” She’d never been particularly religious, but it was beginning to feel like God was finally cutting her a break. Her tearful prayers were being answered, and Jinbei was the savior she’d been waiting for.

“He is!” Hatchan said cheerfully, clearing away her empty plate. “Strong enough that the government made him one of the shichibukai! I’m glad he accepted; otherwise Captain Arlong would still be in Impel Down.”

Her hopeful heart stopped. “What?”

“Yeah, when they recruited Jinbei, his only request was that they release Arlong from prison,” he said as he strolled out the door. Popping his head back in, he gave her a jovial smile. “Sure, they had a bit of a falling out after, but I like to think they’ll make up someday; after all, they’re practically brothers!”

As the door locked behind him, the young girl didn’t even feel the sharp sting of the tip of her pen piercing her palm.

Jinbei. Jinbei the shichibukai. It was his fault. If it weren’t for him, Arlong would still be in Impel Down. He never would have set foot in Cocoyashi. Bellemere wouldn’t have died to save an ungrateful daughter. Nami never would have been taken prisoner, forced to draw maps in this horrible room while the rest of her village lived in fear.

She didn’t have a savior. Just another demon added to her personal Hell.

Blinking away tears, Nami forced herself back to the present. Later she could read up on the man who’d set lose the worst monster the East Blue had seen in decades. Right now, she needed to get out of there. Law and the Heart Pirates were still fighting outside, and she needed to let them know the mission was a success so they could make a break for it.

Her ears perked up as they caught the sound of a faint voice coming down the hall, angry and vaguely familiar.

“I don’t care how far away they are, Tokikake; I need a Navy fleet here right now! Those ungrateful peasants have finally snapped and decided to set up bombs all over my property!”

The Baron was on his way to the study and there was no way she’d be able to get out unnoticed. Wasting no time Nami ducked behind the suit of armor and pulled out her Clima-Tact to quickly cast her Mirage Tempo, rendering herself invisible just as Harpin stormed through the door, mini Den Den Mushi in hand, obese face bright red with rage.

As much as she didn’t want to be in the same room as their slimy host, it was honestly better to sit still and wait for the opportune moment. Even if he’d primarily had a desk job, and even if he was in his seventies, it was safer not to underestimate him. Plus, if he was really calling for backup, she’d rather know what to expect and where they were coming from. Would the Navy send Kizaru or Aokiji? Did they really believe it was the poor, starving villagers attacking the mansion, or were they speaking in code?

The radio snail’s face was unimpressed. Nami didn’t recognize the dark brown fedora and cigarette between its teeth, but she let out a silent sigh of relief when it replied, “Harpin, if the townspeople are revolting against you—which honestly, I wouldn’t blame them—Hina and Smoker should be able to settle things. I’m not risking civilian casualties.”

“My mansion is currently filled with the crème de la crème of society! Their safety is far more important than those filthy peons!”

“All the more reason to not order a Buster Call,” the snail replied, and Nami barely managed to stifle a gasp. Was Harpin insane? He’d risk innocent lives over what he assumed was a rebellion from farmers and fishermen? “So, since that’s out of the question, why don’t you use that big brain of yours and come up with a better solution? Maybe try reasoning with them. Pay them off, even. Isn’t throwing money at the problem your normal go-to?”

Harpin sneered. “I haven’t given those fishmongers a single belli in nearly three years, and I’m not going to start now! They’re lucky I even let them live on my island! Now you get me that fleet—”

“Kkkkk—sorry—kkk—breaking up—kkkkkkkk,” the vice-admiral said, faking static.

“Tokikake, don’t you dare hang up on me! If you do, I’ll—”

“In case you’ve forgotten, Gorudotako, I’m not scared of blackmail. The worst you’ve got on me is that time you caught me golfing when I said I was visiting my mother, and I think the higher-ups would be more interested in what you were doing there; wasn’t that the weekend you were supposed to be visiting Impel Down? Considering Straw Hat’s miraculous break in-and-out two years later, I wouldn’t be surprised if Akainu starts assuming you were in on it. That whole mess at Marineford really pissed him off, and he’s been looking to melt anyone who might have been even vaguely involved.”

Speechless, all the Baron could do was make faint protesting noises, rightfully terrified of the Admiral’s fiery wrath. From where she was hiding, Nami could see thick, greasy beads of sweat dribble down the back of his head.

The Vice-Admiral gleefully continued, “On top of that, since your ‘retirement,’ certain information seems to be finding its way to ‘Big News’ Morgans and other underworld types who really have no business knowing. Now, I’m not one to toss out accusations, but leaking classified information, especially for profit, is a serious crime. One certain parties are considering investigating you for.”

“You dare to question my reputation?!” Harpin demanded, slamming his hand down on the desk barely an inch from the Den Den Mushi.

The snail’s grinning face didn’t even flinch. “Buddy, your reputation is a joke. When you left, we got over a hundred reports of sexual harassment by your former female subordinates in the first month. That alone warrants investigation. Hell, we only waited so long because there’s been so much damn paperwork to go through and Tsuru wanted the case against you to be airtight. Then those rumors about certain documents getting leaked came out…”

“You’re not going to find a damn thing!”

“Funny, I would have thought an innocent man would say there’s nothing to find.” Satisfied with getting in the last word, Tokikake hung up, the Den Den Mushi immediately falling asleep.

For a moment, the room was dead silent, Harpin staring blankly at the sleeping snail, mouth gaping open and closed like a fish that had been hooked through the gills. Just as Nami thought she might be able to use his catatonic shock as an opportunity to sneak out, his expression changed into a mask of rage, grabbing the mahogany armchair by the desk and flinging it into the wall beside the knight’s armor with enough force to splinter the tough wood.

Startled, Nami shrieked, dropping the ledgers to shield her face from wayward splinters. Unfortunately, such a distraction caused her illusion to drop, revealing the sneaky thief.

Not expecting company, Harpin whirled towards the woman, anger and suspicion melting away as his gaze swept over her curvy figure wrapped up in a tight, revealing bodysuit in clear appreciation. She suddenly missed Law’s professional, disinterested gaze, insulting as it had been.

It was only when watery eyes reached her leopard mask that they widened in recognition. “Wait…you’re the harlot who insulted my nephew! What are you doing in my study?”

Thinking quickly, Nami decided her best option was to use his obvious love of women to her advantage. Hips swaying sensually, she strolled up to the desk like a runway model, biting the tip of her finger coyly. “I’m really sorry about that; I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but he’s just not my type.” Leaning against the desk, she arched her back and thrust out her voluptuous chest, fluttering her long eyelashes for extra measure. “Why would I go for a scrawny little peacock when I could have the strong, sensual arms of an octopus around me?”

Though she nearly gagged just saying them, her words did the trick, Harpin’s temper immediately dropping to be replaced by smug satisfaction. He was definitely related to Kujakumaru, as he spoke directly to her cleavage. “Well, I suppose I can’t fault you for having such high standards. The boy is dear to me, but he does rather pale in comparison, doesn’t he?”

“Like a rock next to a diamond,” she cooed, hooking his chin with her index finger to make sure his eyes stayed on her instead of straying the spot next to safe where she’d been hiding, the black ledgers still conspicuously laying on the floor.

“Oh, I’d say more like coal,” he replied, shuffling closer, his hand boldly landing on her upper thigh, fingers groping the firm flesh. It was almost the exact same spot Law had touched when they kissed, but this wasn’t nearly as pleasant. “He has the potential to become a diamond with the right conditions, but for now he’s best at providing warmth to lucky ladies.”

“You’re so poetic! Smart men are just so sexy.” Unable to come up with another compliment due to the sheer disgust at his touch, she changed the subject. “I’m curious, Baron Harpin; why do you love octopuses so much?” she asked as if she didn’t already know.

“It’s octopi, actually,” he said condescendingly before puffing out his chest with pride. “In the Navy, I was touted as ‘The Golden Octopus.’ Impressive, no?”

“Extremely! How’d you get a name like that? Octopi are so slimy, and you’re anything but!” she giggled, dislodging his hand so she could sit on top of the desk. When he started to frown at the loss of flesh to grope, she distracted him by twirling one of his greasy braids around her finger, even as she gaged whether or not she could distract him long enough to knock him out with an electric shock.

Pleased with her flirting and the fact that her new position brought her cleavage even closer to his gaze, he crowed, “It’s because of my long reach and exceptional brilliance! Octopi are some of the smartest creatures in existence, after all. The World Government specifically made me the head of Intelligence because I could get anything from anywhere at any time. I had dozens of informants in kingdoms across the Grand Line, the underworld, and even in other Navy divisions. There was no rumor or piece of information that didn’t go through me. My mind was the World Government’s greatest asset; no average man could handle keeping track of so many secrets or make use of such extensive contacts.”

“Wow,” she replied, proud of herself for keeping the sarcasm out of her voice. When his hand once more drifted towards her thigh, she instinctively caught it. She could see the annoyance at her small rejection darken his face, so thinking quickly she took the hand in both of hers, fluttering the faintest kiss across his knuckles. Looking deeply into his eyes, she cooed, “You must be one of the smartest men in the world! How could the Navy ever have let you retire? They should have begged you to stay.”

“They should have!” he groused. “Instead my enemies conspired to unseat me, threatened by my revolutionary way of thinking. Did you know it was I who first proposed the shichibukai system?”

“You were?” Now that was a legitimate shocker, though it explained why he had a whole ledger dedicated to them.

“Of course! The World Government might not want to admit it, but there will always be pirates in the world. So long as there are laws, there will be those who seek to break them. So, why not ally with exceptionally strong pirates to cull the herd?” he cooed, free hand trailing a sausage-like finger along her cheek.

“Why, that is clever!” she said breathlessly, even as she seethed. From Jinbei to Crocodile to Blackbeard, the shichibukai system was one that just kept causing trouble. The World Government claimed it controlled them, but really, it just made them even more dangerous. If this guy really was the one who put such a broken system in place, she was going to make sure he got what was coming to him.

“Profitable, too! The best pirate warlords understood that our relationship was a business arrangement; they get immunity, while we get a cut of their treasure. Why, the Doflamingo Pirates even sent me a lovely retirement gift,” he crowed, proudly pointing towards squid statue.

“But that’s not an octopus,” she said, genuinely confused.

He scowled, good mood evaporating. “Ah, yes, Doflamingo did that on purpose; he always loved teasing me for being called ‘Gorudotako’ when I was saddled with the Ika Ika no Mi.”

“…what?”

“Such a cruel trick of fate, to be saddled with the ignoble squid instead of the far superior octopus! The peons below me would mock me in the shadows for it; some even suggested cooking me up like calamari if we ever ran low on food! So I made sure to erase all evidence of my powers from the records and only use them on very special occasions.”

Without warning, Harpin’s arms began to morph into two long tentacles, his hands flattening out into club-like appendages covered in tiny suckers, while the side-seams of his suit split open as six additional, slightly smaller tentacles burst out. Black, watery eyes swelled wider, head stretching back into a hooded point to accommodate, and as his mouth opened, his teeth molded together to form a sharp beak that poked past saggy lips. His skin took on a sickly grey color, the texture smoothing out to something rubbery and inhuman.

The final result was so horrific Nami didn’t want to look directly at him, instead leaping off the desk to dodge the sticky tentacles that tried to grab her. Unlike Hatchan, who was cute in a comical way, the former Marine was more like something out of a horror writer’s seafood-induced nightmare. Each tentacle glistened and writhed as if it had a mind of its own and were lined with wicked-looking suckers.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t know who you are, Cat Thief Nami?” he gurgled, voice distorted as if he were speaking underwater. Honestly, she was surprised he could talk at all with the beak sticking out from between his lips. “I’ve stared at your wanted poster as much as any man; I’d recognize that sexy stare and tattoo!”

Crap, she thought, assembling her Clima-Tact. She needed to think fast if she wanted to get out of that room in one piece. Glancing at the ceiling, she created a small storm cloud, watching it slowly grow above them. “Dark Cloud Tempo!”

It was one of her stronger attacks, but she knew it needed time to properly charge before it would be enough to take down a Devil Fruit user, so she played for time by creating an assortment of copies with her Mirage Tempo.

“Ah, so many lovely visions to choose from; good thing I have an arm for each!” he laughed, sending out six tentacles to sweep across them. The writhing arms were quick and stretchy, almost like Luffy’s when he used his Gomu Gomu powers, though not nearly as versatile. Using her copies as distractions, Nami wove and dodged each strike, calculating russet eyes observing their movements, hoping to find a pattern or weakness she could use to her advantage.

Her copies didn’t last long, dissipating with a single blow, but she was pleased to find his reach was limited to about eight feet for the smaller arms and maybe eleven for the two clubbed primary tentacles. He may have had more arms than Luffy, but he certainly didn’t have the rubber boy’s reach.

The real Nami once more out in the open, Harpin charged forward, tentacles snapping out like javelins, crashing into the floor and breaking off little pieces of tile upon impact. “I was hoping I’d have the pleasure of meeting you, Nami-chan, and here you are! Was it my gold that that enticed you, or me?”

“Ew, don’t touch me, creep!” she cried. Jumping back, she launched a gust of wind, the powerful gust forcing him to keep away from her. So long as she kept her distance, she had an advantage, and she wasn’t going to give it up easily.

“You’re such a tease, Nami-chan. I thought you wanted my big, strong arms wrapped around you,” he cooed lewdly.

“Buddy, I’d rather sleep with an actual fish than you.” Glancing up at the black cloud, she smirked, forming a spark on the end of her batons. “And even if you were my type, I’d have to take a rain check. I’m forecasting thunderstorms this evening. Look out for lightning strikes! Thunder Bolt Tempo!”

Tossing the little ball of electricity up into the dark cloud, she practically cheered as it crackled and popped, a bolt of lightning crashing down onto the squid-man, kicking up smoke and cracking the marble tiles beneath him.

Certain that he was out of the game for at least a few minutes, Nami made a beeline for the door, praying that she could grab her dress before escaping down the servants’ entrance.

Luck was not on her side, though, as Harpin wasn’t incapacitated; just angry. “You bitch!” he snarled, patches of flesh sizzling horrifically, the stench ashy and putrid. Grabbing the mahogany desk, he heaved it against the wall by the door, cutting off Nami’s escape. “How dare you? As if insulting my nephew and threatening my sister weren’t enough, you have the gall to attack me?!”

Looking between Harpin and the shattered remains of what had been incredibly sturdy furniture, she desperately tried to think of a new plan. For an old, half-squid freak, he was tougher than he looked and not nearly as stupid as she’d hoped. “Hey, you’re the creep who can’t keep his ugly tentacles to himself! No means no!” she shouted, creating another electric ball.

“As if low-born trash like you has the right to refuse me!” he snapped, leaping into the air and blasting himself forward like a squid projected itself through the water. He cleared the room in a single burst, forcing Nami to launch herself to the side to avoid getting hit and decimating the distance that had kept her safe. Catching the thief off-balance, two of his arms lashed out, knocking her Clima-Tact away and wrapping tightly around her wrists. The blue batons rolled uselessly across the polished floor as their owner shrieked in pain and horror. Each sucker that latched onto her flesh was lined with a sharp, finely serrated ring of chitin. They didn’t cut deeply, but it was enough to make struggling painful. On top of that, they yanked her arms back so hard she was surprised they weren’t jerked out of their sockets.

Beautiful pirate at last in his grasp, Harpin stepped in closer, appreciating the gorgeous body in front of him as she kicked and writhed. “You really are as lovely as they say,” the Baron chuckled, the smooth back of one of his clubs stroking her face. It flipped around to rip the purple wig off her head, revealing her signature orange hair. “Maybe I won’t turn you in right away; I think I’ll have some fun with you, first.” Two more disturbingly clammy arms ran up her bare legs before forcefully pulling them apart, easily overcoming her attempts to fight back. The very tip of another curled just inside the fabric covering her left breast, tugging playfully. Distorted lips smirked around his beak. “I mean, you’re asking for it, running around in an outfit like that.”

Twisting helplessly, she knew there was no way she’d be able to fight him off without help. Before the mess on Sabaody, she’d pin her hopes on Luffy, Zoro, or Sanji rushing in to save her just in the nick of time, but her nakama was scattered across the Grand Line. Crying and begging for mercy was no good, as her best-case scenario involved being turned over to the Marines, while just the thought of the worst-case made bile burn in the back of her throat.

Without her crew, her only choice was to stall until Law came back, assuming Smoker hadn’t captured him. Or worse, that he’d left her behind. “Not a chance in hell! I’m not into weird hentai shit. And even if I were, honestly, ugly old sissies who resort to blackmail are a huge turn-off.”

Her quick thinking worked, as Harpin looked genuinely offended, though it unfortunately made his grip tighten, bladed suckers digging deeper into her skin. “‘Resort to blackmail?’ Stupid little girl, you act as if cunning isn’t its own strength! Knowledge is power, and blackmail is the ultimate type of knowledge. It’s stronger than Devil Fruits and Haki combined! A man can be physically tough but find that dark little secret and threaten to bring it into the light, and you’ll see how he crumbles like a sandcastle against the waves.”

“And you’d do that to your own comrades?!” she asked, teeth clenched against the pain. The elastic tentacles around her legs were crawling higher, squeezing and leaving thin, shallow cuts that stung every time she so much as twitched. Now she understood why the maid uniform included opaque tights; to hide evidence of his horrible touch from visitors.

“Pretty kitty, it’s how I built my career!” The tip of his club slapped her cheek lightly. “By making the right connections and spilling nasty little secrets, I took out irritating rivals, made excellent allies, and put whole governments in my pocket. The Navy may have forced me out, but they still couldn’t keep their secrets from me; my reach is too long, and I have my arms wrapped around too many people,” he said, squeezing tighter for emphasis.

“And I’m supposed to find this attractive?”

“You should be honored I’m even bothering with you! When I was head of Intelligence, queens and Marines alike made their way to my bed!”

“And how many of them came willingly?” came a voice from the entryway.

Turning her head, Nami’s eyes widened behind her mask as Black Cage Hina strolled into the study, mercury gown and regal scowl worthy of a goddess of war.

[mcdannoangelwolf]

My thoughts on H50 10x07.

I just watched this episode and I am SO pissed off. I've been told I tend to be cold and harsh on certain things and, as much as I've tried to deny that, this episode made me feel it.

This is gonna come from both a meta-position and a RL position so it might be hard to follow.

I love Alex. I think he made a lot of bold and powerful choices with this episode. For that I applaud him. However it pisses me off something chronic how hard he worked to give Doris a redemption story.

He had me in the first half, the speech about how what she did what she did for herself. Faking her own death. Springing Wo Fats dad from the black site. Recruiting Catherine. She chose every step of the way. You cannot tell me that someone as cunning and ruthless as Doris didn't have enough dirt, enough info, to secure an exit for herself. All her talk of the Government forcing her and using her and what it cost her. Doris CHOSE to go back EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I was good with this. Finally Steve was seeing her for what and who she was. But then the Swiss accounts. Really? That was the angle he went with? That was so far out of left field that, frankly, I found it pathetic. Nothing we've seen of Doris has shown that she had the level of concern or remorse for her kids/Joanie.

Yes people change. I fully understand that. People do the wrong things for the right reasons. But we've never been shown this in Doris. Infact we've seen the exact opposite. She used Steve on several occasions to meet her own needs with barely a token effort to try and dissuade him.

Furthermore how does she figure that they would have used it, would have kept it? Mary and Steve both know Doris well enough to know that it would have been blood money. Every cent. If Doris had really cared she would have done another fake ofbher death and moved on. Let her kids finally grieve in peace and move on with their lives.

Now some might say it wasn't about Doris. It was about Steve and giving him closure. To that I say what closure? I saw only a man heaped with yet more pain and trauma than he knows what to deal with. Than he deserves.

Some might say that I don't know Steve. Don't know his life or his feelings or his desire to have his mother in his life. To that I will say you are right.

But I do know about parental abuse. More than I care to admit. I'll just say my former step father was a master of psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation. Which is exactly what we've seen Doris do, right up until she died.

I also know about parental abandonment. I know what it's like to beg and plead and hope and pray for that parent to want you around. For them to want you in thier life. I know what it's like to reach the point where you can't twist the knife in your own gut anymore. To where you have to just get down on your knees and say your peice to God, the Universe, the Devil and whoever's else is listening and let it go and move on.

I'm not as good a person as Steve. Maybe I don't feel or love as deep as him. But for me, when she refused my help and cold-cocked me with that pistol, that is when I would have walked away.

Some people don't deserve second chances. Some people don't deserve redemption. Some people make their beds and need to lie in them. In my estimation Doris was one of them.

Then we come to what is probably the most tragic part of the episode. The pointlessness of it all. Doris had the sub and men bugged. She went off the tilt but still, in the end, did her job. Sure the CIA didn't know that. I understand that. But it was still pointless. All Steve's work, his pain and guilt and trauma. Pointless. Doris' death pointless.

Maybe that was the point. To illustrate the pointlessness. The futility.

Life on Life's terms indeed.

Well my Rant is over.

Best all,

J.

P.S

I realized how hard I went after I posted this so I privatized it till I could make this addition.

I want to say that my anger is not directed Steve. I have nothing but mad love, respect, and sympathy for Steven J McGarrett. If anything this episode makes me feel closer to him. I my heart broke so much for him that I want to do the Sushi roll care meme with him and give him all the cuddles with Danno. My upset is specifically aimed at the writing and Doris' arc.

That said I still think this episode was a masterpiece. Very powerful. Just, for me, infuriating.

[celestialceci]

i know i’m doing way too much complaining about my personal life on here these days but idc.

i am sick! and! tired! of this girl who destroyed my job, my mentor’s and her family’s livelihood & living situation, and put four of my friends into financial instability waltz around and make posts about ✨keeping positive energy✨ and being ~authentic~. like oh my god her social media posts drive me up the goddamn wall. she’ll post some generic nice for instagram photos (which there’s nothing wrong with) but then make some long ass deep ass caption about finding your inner self in this day of online and how you need to grow and all that inspirational shit and people will comment “wow ____ you’re so amazing and well spoken for your age!!! so glad you REALIZE THIS” and i just sit there pissed of because no she doesn’t! she doesn’t ACTUALLY!! BECAUSE SHE WAS FINE UPROOTING EVERYONES LIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CORONAVIRUS BECAUSE SHE WAS HAVJNG TEEN ANGST AND WOULDNT CONFRONT PEOPLE LIKE THE ACTUAL MATURE PERSON EVERYONE APPLAUDS HER FOR BEING!!!!!! but ohhhh no she was depressed and had a hard time working through it yeah whatever while she was at home taking a break from it all i was out there caring for her animals, working my ass off because her and her mother were some spineless slackers WHILE ALSO emotionally hate keeping everyone in the situation?? did she ever think about that?? about how every day i’d be worried about her because she was my friend and she still kept stuff from me? and her excuse was she didn’t want me to get caught up? i was already caught up it was too fucking late!!!!! read the room!!! and somehow i still forgave her and then she barely ever wanted to talk to me 💅💅 like i put some much fucking energy into that and for what. goddamn nothing. i let her take a horse i loved away from me once and then again. i spent so much time forming bonds with a new horse only to lose him too. like why do i even try, i’m not as lucky as her to have my parents hand me anything i want on a silver platter. she gets to hear her parents tell her don’t worry about money and genuinely take it to heart. what’s that like??? couldn’t tell you!!!! and somehow?? i still want to think all of that was just another mistake and she’s still the person i’ve known for 6 years but honestly. my friends point out all the privileged, underhanded shit she’s pulled on me over the years and i just let it slide because she’s younger than me. just because i’m the only one doesn’t mean it’s my responsibility to teach her or forgive her every time. that’s her parents job, which they’re doing quite shittily i am realizing, and then also as a friend i’m not obligated to do that. so i’m not.

just wish i could stop being so FUCKING mad about it all the time.

and to think too, that up until last week i was still trying to reach out? to get her to be friendly? that i was going to try to invite her over to my house to visit my cat one last time before he goes back to his owners? and i can’t even lie if she texts me tomorrow and says i can come to her barn to visit max and veda i wouldn’t even think abut saying no. because i have a lot of love for those horses and they helped shape me and i shaped them and i unlike some other people don’t want to abandon them. but like imagine if i saw her mother oh my gooooood that woman can rot in hell for all i care for letting her own daughter control her and giving into her whims and letting her thik she can do whatever she wants to run away from responsibilty. and still here i go again thinking that was somehow my fault? for suggesting she take a break from everything to try and get herself together? that ultimately led to her isolating herself from the situation for almost two months while she built up all these wild accusations and never even bothered to be responsible and ration and all of the normal things. oh my god what am i even saying! it’s not my fault! it’s not my fault!

[btsybrkr]

What A Time To Be At Home!: The Best And Worst Coronacontent The Internet Has To Offer

Remember that joke that’s been around for ages, but was being told literally everywhere back in 2019? The one that went something like, “I hate it when people ask me where I’ll be in a year’s time - I don’t have 2020 vision!”?

Well, I bloody wish someone did.

In fact, in early January, I wrote out my own predictions for the decade ahead right here on my blog. They were obviously entirely hypothetical and - I thought - ridiculous. They were just a series of daft ideas that I thought I could take the piss out of, in the hope that people might read it and take a second out of their day to do an amused little nose exhale for me. But now, even the post-apocalyptic TV show ideas I pitched in that piece seem less ‘far-off dystopian chaos’, and more like they could be pleasant additions to the BBC Summer schedule.

The world is in the throes of a global pandemic, the likes of which haven’t been seen since… I don’t know, The Black Plague, maybe? As a result of that, the instructions have been clear: stay home, save lives. 

At first, the thought of being given a period of Government-sanctioned laziness seemed like a dream to many. We could write our autobiographies! Learn Klingon! Build ourselves a whole new house! But six weeks in, it appears to have started messing with the collective consciousness of the human race. Brains are fried, your Weekly Screen Time is up 103%, stomachs are full to the brim with banana bread and dalgona coffee, and certain celebrities’ egos are in a fight to the death with their common sense. In a time when we’re all supposedly doing nothing, there’s still so much going on. 

With that in mind, I thought we could recognise some of the things we’ve seen online that have kept us talking in lockdown, not just because of Coronavirus, but in spite of it. 

Welcome to the first (but hopefully not annual) What A Time To Be At Home! awards. The WATTBAH!’s, if you like.

The ‘Why On Earth Did You Think This Was A Good Idea?’ Award

Over the last few weeks, we’ve seen a sizable handful of blunders by the rich and famous that have, at worst, knocked them down a fair few places in our estimations and, at best, have left us scratching our heads, wondering what response they were expecting in the first place. 

With that in mind, it’s only right that this title goes to the original celebrity lockdown mistake: Gal Gadot’s ill-advised acapella cover of Imagine, featuring a variety of different Hollywood stars - not one of whom had the foresight to ask “are you sure this doesn’t make us look like complete arseholes?”, which, unfortunately, it absolutely does. 

Between the bizarre and insincere ‘I have a dream’-style speech at the beginning, the boldness of some of those featured to be quite clearly just taking the piss, and the fact everyone appears to be singing ever-so-slightly below the note without ever actually hitting it for the entirety of the song, this was tone-deaf in more ways than one. It’s even worse when you realise that this was posted less than one week into the lockdown, but then what would I know? Maybe madness sets in faster in multi-million dollar mansions. Probably because it echoes louder and bounces off the walls of your massive living room.

The ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ Award

This award recognises content we’ve been witness to over the last few weeks that was so awful, so completely uncomfortable to watch, that after you’d gotten over the initial disbelief at what you’d just seen, you immediately had to send it to somebody you know, so that you can suffer through it together.

Despite how many celebrity lockdown moments have left me with my head in my hands over the last few weeks, this award could only go to a very recent contender - one which isn’t simply an embarrassing piece of celebrity lockdown content, but will likely haunt the inner corners of my brain long after this virus is simply a topic taught about in GCSE History lessons of the future. 

I am, of course, talking about Olly Murs. I’m talking about Pringlegate. I’m talking about Olly Murs removing the bottom of a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles to trick his own girlfriend into touching his penis. On video, on TikTok.

Twitter: @buckyw1ng

There’s something inherently quite chilling about Pringlegate. It might be something to do with the 10,000 watt grin on Olly’s face as we watch him carefully maneuver a tin opener around the bottom of the can, or perhaps it’s just the question of how long he’d been sat there holding it around his naked penis as he and his girlfriend watched a film, patiently waiting for the moment to strike. Perhaps it’s the way the video freezes as she reaches over for a Pringle, allowing time for Olly Murs’ to add in an audio clip of himself, shouting “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND”. 

Maybe it’s the uncontrollable show of amusement he launches into as she snatches her hand back in shock, laughing away, heartily, as if to say “Ha! You thought it was a normal can of Pringles, but it was actually my PENIS covered in Pringles crumbs! You just got PUNKED!”, like it was all simply a clever ruse. 

Above all else, I think the most uncomfortable thing about it is that I can’t help but feel like all bets are off in 2020, and that this is a fairly tame warm-up for things to come.

So, Olly Murs, you are inarguably the rightful winner of the ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ award. Congratulations! Don’t do it again, yeah?

The ‘Are You Actually Aware Of These Words Coming Out Of Your Mouth?’ Award

I’ve said some stupid things since this lockdown started. Personally, I put it down to the lack of social interaction, which I think might be frying my brain a little bit, or at least that’s what the ornament of a turkey that sits on my kitchen windowsill told me the other day. However, I don’t think I or anybody I know has said anything even one fraction-of-an-iota as void of intelligent thought as Vanessa Hudgens’ terrible opinions on social distancing, shared in a now-infamous Instagram live last month. 

“It’s a virus,” she clarified, helpfully, before going on to explain, “I get it. I respect it.” 

I’m sure your respect means the world to it, Vanessa, but do you ‘get’ it?

“But even if everybody gets it, like… yeah… people are gonna die,” she explains, in a tone so chirpy that the word ‘die’ might as well be replaced by the phrase ‘have such a bloody lovely old time’, “which is terrible, but, like… inevitable?” 

In all fairness, death is inevitable, but I don’t know if suggesting speeding up that process for thousands of people because you were disappointed that Coachella was cancelled is an equally logical take.

After a brief - and probably quite profound - moment of self-reflection, she laughs “I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this right now”. Oh, you think? Which bit? Just holding these insane ideas, or actually broadcasting them to your 39.1 million Instagram followers? 

She did post a video the day after, clarifying that - despite what she said - she is staying at home, and is urging others to do the same. I guess she does respect the virus after all. Now, if everyone could hurry up, catch it and die from it, so that she can go to Coachella 2021, Vanessa Hudgens might respect you, too. 

I guess We’re All In This Together, after all.

The Show Of Support Award

I’ve already talked a lot about the rich and famous here, so maybe it’s time to take a break from that madness - although, I get it, I respect it - and have a look at how the rest of our lives look at the moment.

One weekly occurrence that seems to be set to stick around is the weekly round of applause for the NHS. Whilst it’s nothing short of blood-boilingly annoying seeing Boris Johnson absent-mindedly clapping in celebration of a service that he recently admitted he hadn’t even noticed the strain on until he, himself, nearly died of the virus, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the rest of us getting involved. If anything, it’s heart-warming to see the videos of NHS staff being applauded by neighbours as they leave for work, and to hear the cheers echoing through the streets at 8pm every Thursday. There’s a lot of people being quite cynical about it. We obviously know it’s not going to stop Coronavirus in its tracks, but sometimes it’s just nice to be nice, alright?

One thing I’ve noticed recently is how many people have adopted different noise-making strategies, possibly in an effort to effectively boost their support by a factor of 300%. Banging pots and pans together appears to be the most popular, but the winner of this award saw your pots and pans and said “how sweet”, before showing us how it’s really done.

I present to you, a genius. The ultimate hype-man.

Twitter: “a deeply disturbed national psyche” - @willuminare

There’s something so chaotic and angry about the energy in this video, just one man, a cricket bat, and a wheelie bin, banging away to show his gratitude. Just living in the moment. I wish the neighbour who’d captured it on camera had caught more of it, or at least just enough to edit the footage with Electric Youth’s soaring synth anthem  ‘A Real Hero’ from the soundtrack of the movie Drive against it.

I’ve been trying to learn to play the keytar in lockdown, to near enough no avail. Maybe at 8pm next Thursday, I’ll just take it outside and smash it against the pavement. You know, for the NHS.

Honourable Mentions: The Very Best In Coronacontent

It’s not all been so questionable - there’s been a lot of uplifting, funny, positive and thoughtful things shared online over the past few weeks. John Krasinski’s YouTube series Some Good News has provided a much-appreciated contrast from the bleakness of traditional current affairs programmes. There’s five weeks worth of episodes on his YouTube channel at the moment, so I would definitely recommend checking it out, especially if you feel like you need a lift! 

Over on Twitter, there’s been a lot to laugh about, as ‘front camera comedians’ are well and truly in their element (my personal favourite recently has been Alistair Green), as well as plenty of other users who are utilising their free time to create some brilliant stuff - this six-part opera based on a 2007 Facebook argument by Archie Henderson is genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve seen in weeks.

Twitter: “I made a six-act opera out of a conversation between some 14 year olds on my Facebook from 2007″ - @jazzemu_

All in all, these are obviously bizarre times that we’re living in. We don’t know how many more weeks of lockdown we’re going to have, when we’ll get back to normal, or even if ‘normal’ will mean something completely different from now on. 

What we do know is that the internet, and everyone on it - whoever they are or whatever they’re saying - will continue to surprise us, inform us, entertain us, provide a place for our quizzes and conversations, and keep us together in some sense, when we have no choice but to be apart. 

Thanks to anyone who’s read this far. I hope that you and your friends and families are keeping well, and that you took even a slight shred of lockdown enjoyment from even one thing I’ve said over the past couple thousand words! 

Finally, before I go, I thought we might share a little song. It goes like this:

Imagine there’s no heaven....

if you like, can follow me on twitter here or instagram here :-)

[arthurs-wife]

(Sorry I’m sending so many prompts, I know I just sent a request a few hours ago D: maybe this could be continuation post doing the do or whatever Idk) how about M!Reader finding out Arthur has been writing about drawing him in his journal?

(ahhh dont be sorry i love it!! i never feel like i delve enough into peoples prompts so getting a continuation of them is always nice. thank you!!!!)

People were still applauding you. It’d be getting old if it weren’t for the fact that Arthur still bowed when they did, then came over to you and whispered in your ear “we’ll give them something to clap about later”.

You hadn’t yet. It wasn’t for lack of trying, things had been crazy around camp and it seemed that people were relying more and more on Arthur to do it. That’s not to say you were just sitting on your hands the whole time. You were now the go-to errand boy for whenever someone needed anything in Valentine. You also tidied up. And skinned the deer that everyone except Arthur brought because Arthur skinned his own deer.

A little nagging part of your brain kept saying that Arthur was avoiding you, that he was looking for things to do so he wouldn’t have to deal with you. He was always either doing someone’s dirty work or writing in his journal.

You didn’t want to command his attention. Better to let him come to you, right?

Taking your own advice, you approached his tent and waved. He was sitting on his bed, writing something. You smiled at him.

“Everything alright, Arthur?” you asked.

“Sure,” he replied, looking up at you. You could have sworn his eyes softened. “Can I do something fo-”

He stopped and you both turned to the front of the camp as someone, Bill?, yelled about needing help in Valentine immediately. Arthur looked at you apologetically and threw his journal down, rushing to his horse, mounting up, and taking off.

One day you’d get to talk to him again.

You plopped down on his bed and jumped up immediately, you had sat on his journal. You picked it up and made to set it on his table before something caught your eye.

On the page that was open was a sketch of you. Unmistakable, those were your boots, your tattered jeans. He had sketched you carrying bags of potatoes from the front of camp to Pearson’s wagon, something you did specifically so he would notice you. You looked at the other page where there was writing.

“Saw y/n again today, he seems to have taken the job of potato-lugger seriously, as he’s the only one who does it now. Wreaking havoc on my nerves, boy needs to get a tan and some meat on his bones, but otherwise I can’t find anything wrong with him. He’ll get me in trouble sooner or later, I just know it.”

You laughed to yourself, so it had actually worked. You turned a page.

“The boy is getting to me. He is testing my resolve. I think he’s doing it on purpose. Sure, I’d love to drag him out by a tree and be done with it, but there’s something more there. I’ll sleep on it, maybe these feelings will piss themselves out in the morning.”

On the next page there was another sketch of you, this time of your face, on its side, eyes closed.

“I’m in trouble.”

You couldn’t stop the stupid tears from forming any more than you could stop yourself from going to the next page.

“May have embarrassed the poor kid tonight, got too full of myself and drug him to a tent and forced him to be as loud as he possibly could. Now the whole camp has their eye on him. Hope he’s got thicker skin than he lets on. Falling harder for him than I thought I would. I knew he would be trouble.”

“Y/n?”

You looked up and slammed his journal shut but it was too late.

“Arthur I’m sorry,” you said quickly, standing up to face him, “you threw it aside and I saw your sketch and I couldn’t help myself-”

“Easy, boy,” he said with a small smile, putting a hand on your shoulder, “I ain’t mad, just a little flustered is all.”

You cocked your head.

“Well,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “sketches just ain’t that good is all.”

Incredible.

“Arthur,” you muttered, “these are amazing, you did this from sight?” He nodded. “They’re truly astounding.

“You’re too kind.”

You both sat down on his bed again.

“What did Bill want?” you asked.

“Oh he just got his horse caught in some brambles, the fool,” Arthur waved.

Of course now that the two of you had some time, you couldn’t say anything.

“Did you want-”

“Do you-”

You both stopped and laughed and Arthur motioned for you to continue.

“Did you want to take a ride somewhere?” you asked.

“Where to?”

“Let’s head to Bard’s crossing,” you said, “there’s a little outlet there that we can camp at for the night.”

“Sure,” he said, and you both stood up.

You had a lot to talk about.