#I sacrificed time I was supposed to use for studying

[amidseas]

I finally managed to color it

[samkerrworshipper]

so win.

alexia putellas x reader

no fuel quite like my procrastination to not do other things i need to do. this is porn without plot, i’m not ashamed of it. it’s also unedited and has been worked on after a day of clinicals so if there are spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes i apologise. i wrote this in like 3 hours lol. i’m also a mess at the moment and actually avoiding my whole life so this is my outlet. anyways i wrote smut! for the first time in forever ;) also for the sake of this let’s ignore timezones bcus i couldn’t rewrite the start of this to make it work lol.

warnings: smut, 18+ viewer discretion advised

You’re not with Alexia when the campaign drops. You’re not even watching the game, you’ve never been quite able to wrap your head around the nfl thing or get into like your girlfriend, the rules of rugby have been so ingrained in your mind from childhood that seeing men run around in massive pads just gives you an ick.

You’re not even the person who sees it first, you’re sitting in a cafe trying to get some studying done because it’s impossible to do at home when your clingy girlfriend insists on sitting, holding, grabbing or clinging onto any part of your body when she’s bored. It’s like trying to keep a five year old entertained, and it always ends up with you sacrificing whatever coursework you have and being endlessly stressed when you fall behind. You simply leave studying for when Alexia is out of the house or when you have time to study elsewhere.

You’re heavily engrossed in rewatching a lecture you’d missed the previous week due to training when your phone lights up. It’s no exaggeration, your phone screen goes from being blank and dark to suddenly notification after notification pouring in. Different groupchats, instagram tags, text messages. There’s another ten minutes left on your study clock before you’re technically allowed to take a break but with every thing that pops up your only become more curious. Curious enough that you look down at your clock with complete disregard and reach for your phone. It’s sitting next to your laptop, it’s supposed to be upside down to minimise distraction but when you were watching the lecture it stopped you from being able to check the time and you liked to watch as the time ticked by.

You click onto you groupchat first, a mixture of Barca girls, mostly the older ones. Most importantly Mapi, who has bombarded the groupchat in a matter of seconds, with image after image of your girlfriend.

You click onto them harmlessly, Alexia has a series of campaigns that you’re aware of that are coming out in the next few months. As you’re waiting for the images to load you try and remember if she’d told you about any coming up, there was something for Cupra at the end of february and a big campaign for more than eleven in march, and a few smaller things amongst it but nothing you could think of that was due to release today, or in the next week.

When the first image loads, you’re eyes almost bug out. Your throat closes, the oxygen leaves your lungs and you feel almost dizzy. You have to blink multiple times to clarify that what you’re looking at is real, it’s not just a hallucination of some wet dream you’ve had, it’s a real photo that exists in front of you. As you flick through them, you only feel more unwell, and a little bit wet… or a lot.

The first one is just Alexia’s face, staring straight down the lense. The way she’s been captured is almost animalistic, pink sports bra, big earrings, her hair in the wet look. It’s her eyes though, pointed straight on, the eye fuck look, like she’s staring into your soul the same way she does before she’s about to rail you, except it’s all magically been captured in one photo. You want to look at it forever, you’re scared you’ve actually lost the ability to use your extremities and all the oxygen has stopped circulating inside your body from the mix of shock and awe.

With as much power you have you flick to the next photo, and if you were already feeling unwell this feeling is close to death.

Alexia, looking over her shoulder, flexing.

All of her tattoos are on show, every single muscle is accentuated and you almost drool on your phone as you study all of the different parts of the picture. Alexia’s skin is literally glowing, effervescently in a way you cannot even begin to describe. You know from thousands of hours of tracing the skin of your girlfriends back just how strong she is, yet with everything emphasised more in the photo you feel like no matter how many hours you’ve spent staring this is adding a whole new perspective. Her arms, her facial expressions, the illusion of her hair sticking to her skin, the pink contrast against her skin.

You have to scroll, because if you don’t you won’t be responsible for the actions you engage in whilst in a very public space.

The following few pictures are of other athletes, basketball players, gymnasts, runners, other football players. For the most part, americans, yet your girlfriend in all her glory is a part of it.

You get through quite a few photos before it comes to the video, you were already gobsmacked, but the video seals it for you.

Alexia looks flawless, absolutely ethereal in every way. It actually feels like you are living in one of your fantasies or dreams but no this is very much real life and you are actually dating the person on your screen.

There’s no chance you’re going to get any work done, you can’t even get a coherent thought that doesn’t involve Alexia. Alexia’s abs, Alexia’s back, Alexia’s eyes, Alexia’s face, Alexia. You pack up your books and laptop with one thought on your mind, seeing your girlfriend.

Mapi’s private messages to you are filthy, message after message of her reminding your of what is now out in the world and about how now even more people are going to be even more obsessed with her.

You drive home over the speed limit and slightly recklessly, it’s not a long drive from your favourite study spot to you and Alexia’s shared house, but it feels like it drags on for forever. Your knuckles are white from your tight grip on the steering wheel and your unoccupied foot is bounding furiously against your floormat. You run a couple of close yellows, which are mostly red and have a complete disregard for giving way to anybody. You have an end goal, and that goal is to get home before you combust from all of the built up energy and tension in your body from the reruns of the pictures you’d seen.

You’re not even sure if you put the car in park when you swing into the driveway, you practically sprint towards the door, leaving Alexia’s prized cupra to fend for itself. Your hand is so sweaty you struggle with the door knob for a few seconds, your brain is frantic and you struggle and jiggle with it until it finally turns and there is nothing between you and finding exactly what you’re looking for.

Alexia isn’t in the front room, not that she normally would be. You pace your way through the hallway, past your bedroom which seems unoccupied and into the living room.

Alexia.

Alexia is sitting, on your couch, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, though it’s hard to appreciate it with the shit eating grin on her face as she tries to make herself look comfortable and like she’s actually lounging on your couch. Her body is tense, it gives away her whole bravado, you don’t really care though.

“You’re home early? You said you wouldn’t be back till lunch time, no?”

There is no acknowledging of her comment, you take your jacket off and lay it on the edge of the couch before unceremoniously pouncing on your girlfriend.

“I cannot believe you.”

Alexia makes it easy enough for you to straddle her lap, opening up her legs and making plenty of room for you.

You stare into her eyes and all you can picture is the photo of her, the look on her face isn’t dissimilar to the one captured, but it’s not quite the same.

“The campaign? Did I not mention it?”

You roll your eyes before leaning down, alexia goes with ease, her mouth opening up for you as soon as your lips meet hers. It’s all teeth and tongue, not quite a fight for dominance, just pure arousal.

“You’re a brat, and really fucking sexy.”

Alexia smirks against your lips, and then she bites back, her tongue fighting against yours.

“So you like it?”

You move your lips to Alexia’s neck, licking a line down her neck and kissing up it before biting down, foregoing any kind of gentle.

“Do I like my girlfriend looking extremely fuckable on the internet? Jury’s still out on that one.”

Alexia chuckles, leaning her head back to give you full access to her neck.

“Mm, muy fuckable.”

The laugh that leaves her mouth is enough fuel for you to nip her again, sucking a mark right above her collar bone, not directly visible but enough to make her sweat about keeping it hidden at training tomorrow.

“I’m going to need a private show in that outfit at some stage.”

You move back up to Alexia’s mouth, this time the make out is less frantic, you’ve gotten out some of your residual jitters.

“That can always be arranged.”

You tug at the hem of Alexia’s sleep shirt that she still hasn’t gotten out of yet.

“Bed first, fashion show after.”

In the swiftest motion possible Alexia is bringing herself up onto her feet, and lifting you with her. You wrap your legs around her torso, never breaking the makeout.

She makes it to your bedroom at a record speed, dumping you onto the mattress before climbing back on top of you, her shirt being thrown haphazardly into the air somewhere as she lowers herself down. There’s no bra to fight with and you reach for her breasts before her lips are back on you, grabbing and rolling at her nipples until she gets the message and has climbed fully onto the mattress on top of you.

Alexia stays on top of you, making out for a while, until she get’s bored with her hands and decides that you need to mirror her level of undressed. She flips you on top with so much ease that it doesn’t even surprise you, the photos on the internet showed Alexia’s muscles, but they didn’t show just how strong your girlfriend truly was.

Alexia didn’t mess around with your tank top and bra, tugging them off with the same kind of urgency that you’d been in to get back to the house earlier. As soon as the clothes are gone you’re flipped back onto the mattress, Alexia retaking her position. Her hands go straight to your tits, pinching and pulling in a way that makes your back nearly arch off the bed. You’re already aroused from your session in the coffee shop, but this is only adding fuel to the fire.

It takes everything in you not to moan immediately, you clench your jaw and bite your lip as Alexia elicits all different kinds of sensations.

‘Sé ruidoso bebita.”

As per usual, not much gets past Alexia, you try to relax just slightly, let yourself feel it all completely.

“How wet are you going to be when I finally touch your pussy, hm? How wet did my photos get you? All hot and bothered in the coffee shop like a little slut.”

There is no point in shaking your head, you just smirk, you’re proud of it, you’re proud that you get to come home to this and everyone else just has to enjoy Alexia from a far.

“Show me, reach into your panties and show me how wet you are and maybe I’ll think about touching you.”

You hesitate for a second, but then Alexia pinches on of your nipples and rolls your other breast in her hand and your hand naturally moves downwards, your hips canting up as you do so.

Your fingertips are glistening and dripping as you bring them out of your shorts, Alexia doesn’t hesitate to pull them straight into her mouth, sucking all of your arousal straight off.

“Alexia, please.”

Alexia licks her lips in a way that makes you so certain that she’s desperate for more, she’s just as turned on about this as you are.

“Pants off.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth your reaching for them hem of your pants and kicking them off, your panties go with them.

Alexia doesn’t wait, she moves her body downwards until her mouth is hovering right above you.

She looks up at you, hesitates for a second, it’s the exact same face as the photo, beautifully feral.

She doesn’t hold back whatsoever, her mouth goes straight to your clit and you’re already aroused, already dripping everywhere but you reach another level. Your moans are breathy and free falling.

“Fuck baby, feels so good.”

You’re a stuttering mess and far too aroused to try and pretend like you aren’t already close.

Alexia keeps a steady pace, licking and sucking at your clit and occasionally living long strips up from your pussy. It feels so good, earth shattering good.

“Ale, close.”

You expect her to pull back a little bit, normally she likes to prolong your pleasure just a little bit, the wait is worth the reward. But it seems like the both of you are too aroused to ignore the urgency of the situation. Alexia doubles down, her arms pushing your thighs further apart and reaching up behind you to grab at your ass whilst she enjoys having more access.

When you realise she isn’t going to let up you unclench your hands from the sheets and push them into Alexia’s hair, grabbing at the root and pushing her exactly where you want, grinding down against her chin.

It doesn’t take long at all, alread close as it was. Then Alexia grazes her teeth over your clit and doubles down and you see stars. Your body goes with you, shaking and tensing before relaxing as your enjoy the aftershocks. Alexia takes the opportunity, pushing two fingers into you and setting a brutal pace.

“Alexia, need a second.”

Alexia doesn’t stop, if anything she only goes harder, her fingers searching for your g-spot and finding it with ease. The overstimulation makes your stomach tight and yoru clit ache, in the best way.

“Una mas.”

You shake your head, even though it’s blatantly clear you’re going to give her another one, there isn’t really a world where you wouldn’t, not when Alexia makes it so easy to feel so good.

“You can give me one more bebita.”

Alexia’s palm grinds against your clit gloriously, it’s a bit too much for a few seconds but it fades as the pleasure overtakes.

Alexia’s favourite activity is amking you fall apart, watching you experience a kind of pleasure that is unmatchable, all at her own hands. Alexia adds a third finger, knowing that it’ll give you what you need.

It’s more than enough for what you need to reach a release. This time the initial orgasm lasts longer, you tense for a few seconds before you go boneless on the mattress. You melt into the sheets, your head lulling against the pillow as you breathe your way through.

Once you’ve stopped clenching against Alexia she pulls her fingers out, licking up every part of your orgasm, not leaving a single drop behind.

She crawls her way up to you, lying down on her side next to you, looking at the blissed out expression on your face.

Your eyes open lazily, a big smile on your face.

“You’re unreal, literally, how did I get this lucky?”

Alexia leans in, it would be rude to not kiss your lips at every possible chance, especially when your smiling at her like that.

“The real question is how I got this lucky.”

It the same kind of phrase that would elicit vomiting noises from your teammates in the locker room, and yet you love it all the same.

The kiss is soft, everything you need in the moment. It gives you enough confidence to reach your hands down inbetween the two of you, pressing down against Alexia’s front with one intention.

Alexia gasps into your mouth, and it’s enough guidance for you.

You walk your fingers up to the waistband of her pyjama shorts that she still hasn’t changed out of at nearly midday. You trail them down on the inside, unsurprised at her lack of underwear.

Alexia’s wet, the cotton of her shorts sticking to the insides of her thighs.

You part her folds, enjoying the way she moans and gasps into your mouth as you map your way through a different part of her body.

When your fingers find her clit, it’s easy to tell just how turned on she is.

You set a pace of fast tight circles, you’re well educated on Alexia’s body and when she’s this worked up this is the best way to get her to an orgasm.

You know she’s getting closer when her kisses get sloppier and desperate, her lips hang onto yours like they’re becoming an extension of her, like she’s scared that if you separate it’ll take part of her with her.

She shakes and grinds into you, searching for that last bit of stimulation she needs. When she infds it she groans into your mouth, her hips jerking one final time before they go weak, her body goes still for a few seconds. You slow down but don’t come to a full stop, pulling every last bit of her orgasm out for her until she’s tugging your hand out of her shorts.

Alexia presses some soft kisses to your lips before pulling you into her with one arm.

“If that’s what I get every time I take some nice pictures, maybe I should do it a bit more. See if I can get a job with Victoria’s secret or a swimsuit company.”

Alexia doesn’t need to see the look on your face to know exactly how all of your features would clenhc up and your eyes would roll.

“If you do that there will be a whole lot less sex for you and a whole lot more sessions with my vibrator for me. You’re cute, but I’d like to keep some of it for me.”

Alexia snorts, before tugging you in tighter.

“The fans would like it so much though, maybe I should just post some of the photos from the beach over the summer in Ibiza, the topless ones were cute.”

You elbow Alexia straight in the gut.

“How about you model the nike outfits for me first, and then we can decide how far you can take your new found modelling career.”

You’re still in slight disbelief that Alexia managed to keep something this big from you. She was obviously always having ongoing things going with nike, but something this big, and this special was hard to keep underwraps.

“I looked that good, huh?”

You roll even further into Alexia, pressing your whole body into hers.

“Muy bueno. New additions to the wank bank right there.”

You snort when you look over your shoulder and see the confusion on Alexia’s face, her english is good, but her english slang lacks in certain departments.

“Wank bank?”

You snort again, the innocence behind her voice makes it so much better.

“Just my folder for when I’m very alone on camp, and need some extra assistance.”

Alexia’s brain clicks, she laughs, and then the meaning must click in because she blushes beet red.

You stand up, already searching for your forgotten articles of clothing.

“Wait a minute, wank bank? What else is in this folder?”

You’re already tugging your pants on and trying to find your tank top which had apparently vanished into thin air.

“Hopefully whatever new photos I can find in the album of spares that was left over from this shoot.”

Before you can hear what else Alexia says you’re racing off in search of her laptop.

“Wait, I need to see this folder. Bebita, I need my own folder. WHAT IS IN THIS FOLDER.”

—————-

anyways have a wonderful day/night! i love you! somebody out there loves you! you are blessed to have this day and every other one to come <3

[steddieas-shegoes]

i knew we'd be fine

for @steddiesongfics using 18 by one direction as inspiration

rated e | 3104 words | cw: temporary breakup | tags: modern au, high school sweethearts, break-up, second chances, getting back together, chance meetings, time skip, semi-public sex (the door is open they don't get caught), hand jobs, love confessions

also on ao3

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

May 21st, 2018

“Eddie!” Steve crashes into his bedroom, dropping his backpack on the floor.

Eddie looks up from the exam in his hand. He failed. Again.

Steve’s excited, clearly passed all his exams. He never had any doubts. Steve works hard, studies for the tests he knows will be difficult. Does extra credit when he doesn’t do as well as he hoped to.

Eddie gets by in most classes, but pre-calculus was sent from hell specifically to torture him. This is his second year failing it, and it’s his second year being kept behind because of it.

The worst part is that he did try this time. He actually studied with Steve, and maintained a C average for most of the year. This last quarter was tough though, and he needed a B on the exam to pass the class. He stares at the 68 in big red marker on the front.

It’s not enough. He’s not enough.

“Eddie?” Steve’s voice is quieter now, and he sits next to Eddie on the bed, taking the paper out of his hand. “You didn’t pass.”

He sounds shocked, a little disappointed, maybe even a bit mad.

“Nope. Looks like another senior year for me,” Eddie says, voice shaking. He’s managed to keep from crying for the last hour, but he’s not sure how much longer he can hold off. “Third time’s the charm, right?”

Steve sets the paper down next to him and turns to Eddie, tears in his eyes.

“I got into UIC.”

Eddie’s heart drops to his stomach and his stomach drops out of his body.

They both knew Eddie wasn’t going to college. Everyone knew that. Steve was, though. He wanted to be a teacher, and he’d be a damn good one. Eddie was gonna follow him to college, find a job at a record store in Chicago, play his music when he could.

He was gonna fall asleep holding Steve every night, and one day, they’d get married, even though Steve deserves better than Eddie and always will. Maybe Eddie’d make it just big enough that he could make good money but still be around to start a family, adopt a couple kids to keep them busy and keep their house full of love.

That was their plan.

Eddie ruined their plan.

“Congrats, baby. That’s amazing. I knew you’d do it,” Eddie says, and he does mean it, even if his voice doesn’t quite show it. “You’re gonna do so great.”

Steve shakes his head. “I’m not going.”

“What do you mean? Of course you are.”

Eddie knows what Steve’s doing. He’s sacrificing because he thinks it will help, but it’ll just make Eddie feel worse, and Steve’s parents would never allow him to not go to college because of his loser boyfriend.

“I’m not going without you,” Steve’s voice breaks.

Eddie’s heart does, too, especially when he realizes what he’ll have to do.

He loves Steve so much. He has to remind himself of that as he ruins everything even more. It’s for the best.

As he breaks Steve’s heart, and ruins their future, and hurts himself in the process, he has to keep reminding himself that letting Steve go is the best thing to do. He’d never forgive himself for holding him back.

Steve leaves, tears still running down his face.

Eddie cries until he passes out and hopes he makes it through another fucking year at Hawkins High.

****

May 10th, 2024

Eddie throws his keys on the counter, wipes his forehead. The AC unit in the window is useless, and the summer heat hasn’t even really started yet. The record store’s AC is broken and the owner is trying to find a cheap fix to get through this summer while he saves up, but hasn’t had much luck. Wayne’s supposed to come take a look next week because he’s sick of hearing Eddie complain over the phone.

He pulls a beer from the fridge and pulls his phone from his pocket.

Robin texted him a selfie from last night, her birthday outing in Boston that looks like it was pretty fun. He lets her know her present is on the way, which it decidedly is not, but it will be when his paycheck hits his account on Friday.

Wayne sent him a text with his bus info so he can be there to pick him up from the station. The old man still refuses to fly, even though it would be so much faster and easier to do it. He gives a thumbs up and says he’ll call him tomorrow, just like he does every Wednesday night.

Gareth sent him a link to an open mic night not too far from his apartment with a question mark. It might be nice to get on stage. He’s only done a few open mic nights this year, and the stage is calling him. He tells him he’s in, but only if Jeff makes the trip, too. Frankie’s too far, or he’d insist on him coming.

They all still get together once a year, usually here in Chicago, but sometimes at Frankie’s place in New York if they can swing it.

A loud bang from the hall makes him jump, nearly dropping his beer and his phone on the floor. He’s used to apartment living, random loud noises are common above and below him. But he’s home early today, and most of the people in his building work regular 9-5 jobs.

He sets his drink and phone on the counter and goes to check through the peephole in the door.

A man is struggling to shove a couch through the door across the hall. It looks just a little too wide to fit, but the man is still trying to push it through.

Eddie should ignore it, finish his beer, shower, and maybe heat up the frozen pizza he’s been thinking about all day. He closed the shop last night and opened it this morning. He’s running on barely four hours of sleep and a Mountain Dew that gave him heartburn instead of energy.

He opens his door and steps into the hall.

“Not sure that’s gonna fit, dude,” he says to the man half-buried in a too-large couch.

The man freezes. Eddie can’t help but stare at the man’s ass. He’s having a hell of a dry spell, close to a year. Even before that he can’t remember the last time he was this intrigued by a dude’s ass.

The man stands up and turns and Eddie’s heart drops much like it did the last time he saw this man.

“Eddie?” Steve’s eyes are huge as he steps closer, seemingly forgetting that he was in the process of moving a couch into an apartment.

“Steve?” Eddie asks, scared to move at all.

He’s seen Steve in some pictures, of course. It’s hard not to when they share Robin like divorced parents share their only child. He’s always in the background, though, a little blurry or turned away just enough that Eddie can’t see his features.

“Do you live here?” Steve asks, which is probably a dumb question considering he just walked out of an apartment in this building, but he’s too busy staring at him to care.

“Yeah. Uh…do you?” Eddie asks, equally dumb.

“As of yesterday, yeah,” Steve hasn’t blinked since he turned and Eddie’s pretty sure he hasn’t either. That can’t be good for anyone, especially not people with glasses. Steve’s wearing glasses. Eddie’s brain stops working immediately at the realization. “I didn’t know you lived in Chicago.”

Which has to be a lie. There’s no way Robin hasn’t mentioned it at some point, especially because she’s visited him a handful of times over the last couple of years. Gareth’s even sort-of friends with him, and he’s terrible at keeping secrets. Not that it’s a secret, but. Well, he just assumed that Steve wouldn’t care what he’s up to.

“Moved here in 2022. Wayne wanted to buy his ma’s old house in Kentucky before it went to some ungrateful flippers or whatever and I didn’t find any reason to stay without him there.” Eddie shrugs. “Gareth’s in school here so he put the good word in at a record shop for a job and found this place for me.”

“Does he live with you?” Steve’s so close, Eddie could touch him. He won’t. But he could.

“No, no. This is just a studio. Can’t afford a two bedroom, even with rent sharing. He lives on campus until he graduates next May, so maybe then we can find a place. I dunno, he’s pretty serious with a girl so maybe not,” Eddie shrugs again. Why can’t he control his fucking shoulders? “Anyways! I figured you’d be in Boston!”

Steve frowns. “Why would I be in Boston?”

“Robin’s birthday?” Eddie didn’t imagine the text she sent, right? She went out last night to celebrate.

“Oh!” Steve laughs. “Yeah, I had to move, so I’m heading out there in a couple weeks to celebrate. My old landlord was a cunt and wouldn’t let me push it by three days.”

“Was it Darla?” Darla has a hell of a reputation in this area of Chicago. She owns four buildings, refuses to be bought out by corporations, and doesn’t let anyone get away with anything. Her buildings are nice, but she’s not. Eddie couldn’t afford them even if he wanted to, and he’s a little glad he can’t.

“Yep,” Steve gives an awkward half-smile. “If I’d known about her before signing the lease, I probably wouldn’t have.”

“Ah well, you’re out of it now. Daryl’s pretty cool here. He’s a bit slow to fix stuff, but he’s doing his best. Helped me out a few months ago when I was a few days late on rent,” Eddie shrugs again. Jesus, his back’s gonna be sore soon. “I’m surprised she didn’t convince you to move to Boston.”

Steve laughs. “She tried. Even sent me a few listings in her building. But I couldn’t turn down the job offer here.”

Eddie nods like he understands, like he knows what the hell Steve is even talking about. He doesn’t. He knows Steve graduated because Wayne went to his graduation, but that’s really all he knows. It’s all he’s allowed himself to know.

“Well!” Eddie claps his hands together. He’s suddenly even more exhausted and barely holding it together. “Best of luck. I don’t think that couch is gonna fit, though.”

“Oh,” Steve looks back over his shoulder at the couch as if he just remembered he was doing something before Eddie interrupted. “Right. Well, who needs a couch anyway, right?”

Eddie snorts. He feels his heart twinge in his chest. Steve was always so good at making him laugh, even when he was feeling like absolute shit. Apparently, it’s a gift he’s kept all these years.

“You could tilt it at an angle?” Eddie suggests. He’s not sure it’ll work, but he doesn’t wanna leave with nothing to offer. Not like last time.

“I tried. Couldn’t get a good enough grip to push it through.”

“I can try to help.”

Surprisingly, it does work. It’s not easy, and still takes them nearly ten minutes, but it gets through.

“Guess you live here permanently now,” Eddie huffs as he tries to catch his breath.

“At least my couch does,” Steve agrees with a small smile.

Eddie used to do everything to see Steve smile, anything at all. He finds he’d still do anything.

“Thanks for your help,” Steve continues. He’s so close. How’d he even get this close? “Probably would’ve just sent it back downstairs and let someone take it from the curb if you didn’t help.”

“Oh,” Eddie says. “Yeah, no problem. I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”

Steve nods once. He’s still so close.

Eddie wants to touch him, wants to reach out and see if he feels the same. If his hair is still soft, if his hips are still hard but he still has a pudge at his belly, if his nipples are still more sensitive than his dick.

He’s not brave, never has been. Not when it matters most.

But Steve is, Steve was always brave. He came out to his parents even though they were likely to disown him, insisted on it because he didn’t want to keep Eddie a secret. He came out at school even though the basketball team made homophobic jokes constantly because he knew he didn’t want to hide who he was. He applied for a college his parents didn’t think was good enough because they had the best education program that wasn’t completely across the country. He visited Wayne still, even after Eddie broke his heart.

Steve touches his cheek, leans in.

When their lips meet, it’s hesitant. Not even their first kiss was this delicate.

Eddie shivers as Steve pulls away. He doesn’t go far, but Eddie tugs him in by his waist so he can’t go any further.

They’re both smiling, practically glowing.

“Yeah?” Steve asks.

“Yeah.”

He pushes Steve down on the couch, kissing hard enough to taste blood. They’re both hungry, starved, and desperate to touch every inch of each other. He’s straddling Steve’s thighs, trying not to think about how much thicker they feel under him. He’s already hard, going 0-100 faster than he ever has before. Steve’s clearly not far behind, moaning into his mouth as his hips push up for friction.

Eddie bites his bottom lip and pulls away, but Steve forces his mouth to his neck. Eddie is willing to go wherever Steve wants him to.

“Need to close the door,” Steve pants.

“Just be quick,” Eddie says against his neck.

“But, neighbors.”

“No one’s here.”

Steve laughs, bunches his neck up. Eddie’s hit with something that feels a lot like the love he used to feel for this man. Back when they were both barely teenagers, back when they didn’t know how to explain to others that they were in love and it wasn’t just some stupid high school fling. Back when they first kissed, and their first kiss led to their first hand jobs, and then they had their first time together on Steve’s 17th birthday.

He knew what made Steve tick then, he knew exactly how to make Steve smile and laugh and moan. They were barely adults when he broke both their hearts, and he still isn’t sure he’s recovered from it.

“Hey,” Steve says, and it makes Eddie pull his face back to look at him. He’s smiling, soft and gentle, and his hands have gone light against his skin, no longer digging into his muscles and bones and very being. “We’re here, right?”

Eddie answers with a kiss, a gentle press of his lips against Steve’s, a silent agreement that somehow, some way, they are here. The universe threw them back at each other because it couldn’t accept a world where they weren’t together.

“Are you getting psychological?” Steve asks.

Eddie beams, kisses him again because he knows Steve knows the right word. He went to college, learned a lot of big words. Eddie’s pretty sure he always knew them anyway.

“I suppose I am,” Eddie replies.

His hand drops to his jeans and unbuttons them, wraps a hand around himself. Steve knocks his hand away and takes over and it’s far better than when they were teenagers, so much better than when they were still learning how to stop being embarrassed about what they liked and wanted.

He’s been with a few guys since, nothing more than casual hookups, but it was enough to learn that he’s good at this. He knows what he’s doing, he’s confident. He likes making people feel good, he learned that with Steve first.

But Steve has always been a giver, generous in bed and out of it. He’s glad that hasn’t changed.

Steve remembers him, somehow gets the rhythm and pressure just right to have him on the edge in less than a minute. He’s whimpering, bucking up into his touch.

“You too,” he gets out before he comes. “Let me touch you. Been so long.”

Steve’s somehow thicker than he remembers, though maybe he’s just lost in the moment or his memory isn’t as good as he thought it was. Hard to lose the memory when Steve’s been the one he always goes back to in his mind when he’s alone at night, trying to take the edge off with spit and his right hand.

They work each other up, edge each other so it doesn’t have to end. They’re kissing lazily while their hands work faster, then slower, occasionally squeezing drops of precum from the tip of their cocks. They’re sweating and making small noises that echo in the emptiness of Steve’s still mostly empty apartment. The door naturally closed most of the way, a small gap still visible, but neither of them care.

“Come with me.” Steve doesn’t wait for him to respond, just twists his grip so that Eddie has no choice but to come all over them both. Steve follows within seconds.

They’re breathing heavy, both of them shaking as they come down.

Steve brings his fingers to his lips, licks the cum off of them, leans his head back like he’s savoring the taste and the adrenaline high. Eddie watches him, can’t believe he gets to see Steve like this again.

He doesn’t want it to end.

“Did you really not know I was here?” Eddie asks quietly, not wanting to completely ruin the moment.

“I really didn’t,” Steve says without opening his eyes or lifting his head up. “Think it’s a sign?”

Eddie kisses his jaw, curling his head against his neck when Steve wraps his arms around him to hold him close.

“Pretty sure the universe knew we’d get here,” Eddie answers.

He’s not really one for believing in miracles or higher powers of any kind, but it’s hard to ignore this.

“I knew I’d find you again,” Steve admits.

“Could’ve asked Robin and saved us a lot of time,” Eddie teases.

Steve pokes his cheek, but he laughs. As long as he laughs, as long as Eddie can make him laugh, he thinks they’ll be fine.

“Still love you, you know?” Steve asks after another minute of silence. “Don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you just as much as I did when we were teenagers.”

“Good.”

“Good?” Steve’s smirking, he can tell.

“Yeah. Loving you alone was a little pathetic.”

Steve kisses the top of his head. “At least we can be pathetic together.”

[cowboybabeop]

Vault-Tec Vaults; Game Origin & Location

Hi I'm going to back to my "Fallout Blog" roots. Here is a summary of all of the vaults and experiments (starting with a timeline) because I'm insane ^_^ I had to add a weird break bc I literally hit the tumblr character limit, but I used it to section off the major spoilers for the TV series :)

Timeline

The Great War: October 23rd, 2077

Fallout Bible: Compendium of added lore by the creators.

Fallout 76: 2102

Fallout 1: 2161 

Fallout Tactics: 2197

Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel: 2208

Fallout 2: 2241

Fallout 3: 2277

Fallout: New Vegas: 2281

Fallout 4: 2287

Fallout TV Series: 2296

Corporate Vault - Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel - Texas 

A control group vault meant for Vault-Tec employees to continue research, primarily on FEV (Forced Evolutionary Virus) during the war.

Vault 0 - Fallout Tactics - Colorado 

A control group vault with geniuses kept in cryogenic stasis, with their minds interlinked into an entity called The Calculator.

Vault 3 - Fallout: New Vegas - Nevada 

A control vault. Residents ended up opening the vault doors when the lower levels flooded. Eventually the vault was overrun by Fiends.

Vault 4 - Fallout TV series - California 

A test vault that was filled with residents prior to the bombs dropping. Experimentation on human subjects led to most of the original residents being killed in a revolt. In 2296 the vault is still thriving, while kidnapping surface survivors and continuing to experiment on them. The vault offered refuge for many inhabitants of Shady Sands.

Vault 8 (Vault City) - Fallout 2 - Nevada 

A control group vault that remained closed until 2241. Instead of receiving two G.E.C.K. (Garden of Eden Creation Kit) devices, Vault 8 received just one and a replacement water chip that was supposed to go to Vault 13.

Vault 11 - Fallout: New Vegas - Nevada 

Every year the residents were told to sacrifice a fellow resident, with the threat of everyone's death if they did not. In reality, the system would praise them for NOT sacrificing an individual and the vault door would be unlocked. This message finally played after only five residents remained.

Vault 12 - Fallout 1 - California 

A seemingly normal, safe vault with an ulterior motive to study the effects of radiation on the inhabitants. The door never fully sealed, and in 2083 the ghoul residents left to found Necropolis.

Vault 13 - Fallout 1 & Fallout 2- California 

Your home vault as the Vault Dweller. A rather normal vault, however due to a shipping mishap Vault 13 received an additional G.E.C.K. device (that was supposed to go to Vault 8) instead of a replacement water chip. Thus, leaving the Vault Dweller to leave the vault in search for a replacement when their only water chip breaks.

Vault 15 - Fallout 1 & Fallout 2 - California 

A vault that experimented with incredibly diverse ideologies and backgrounds. The vault became severely overpopulated in 2097 and the dwellers decided to open the door. Shady Sands was created using Vault 15's G.E.C.K. and the local raider gangs all have origins from this vault.

Vault 17 - Fallout: New Vegas - Mention Only 

Inhabitants were kidnapped and transformed into Super Mutants. Lily originates from this vault.

Vault 19 - Fallout: New Vegas - Somewhere in CA/NV/AZ/UT 

Paranoia was induced by noises, lights, and segregation. The vault was divided into two sections, Red and Blue, with a separate overseer for each sector.

Vault 21 - Fallout: New Vegas - Nevada 

An almost normal vault, with the exception of a culture and society built around gambling. All major decisions were made through gambling, with the decision to open the doors and become part of New Vegas being "won" in a game of Blackjack.

Vault 22 - Fallout: New Vegas - Somewhere in CA/NV/AZ/UT 

A vault dedicated to studying agriculture. A fungus designed to kill pests on plants became capable of infected human hosts. Vault 22 is curiously green on the outside by the time The Courier arrives at the location.

Vault 24 - Fallout: New Vegas - Mention Only 

Remnants of a Vault 24 jumpsuit are found in the FNV game files.

Vault 27 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

A vault designed to be deliberately overcrowded with not enough means to sustain the inhabitants.

Vault 29 - Fallout 76 - Mention Only 

Only children younger than 15 were allowed in this vault, with their parents being sent to other vaults. Harold is believed to originate from this vault.

//TV SHOW SPOILERS//

Vault 31 - Fallout TV Series - California 

Part of 3 interconnected vaults, serving as cryogenic home for the managers and higher ups of Vault-Tec.

Vault 32 - Fallout TV Series - California 

Part of 3 interconnected vaults, serving as a healthy breeding pool for Vault 31 and 33. Somewhere around 2294, Vault 32 failed and the residents resorted to murder, cannibalism, or suicide.

Vault 33 - Fallout TV Series - California 

Lucy MacLean's home vault. Part of 3 interconnected vaults, serving as a healthy breeding pool for Vault 31 and 32.

//END OF TV SHOW SPOILERS//

Vault 36 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

The only food in this vault consisted of thin, watery gruel.

Vault 34 - Fallout: New Vegas - Somewhere in CA/NV/AZ/UT 

The vault was purposefully overstocked with guns with the overseer being able to give/deny access to residents. This inevitably led to it's downfall, and those who revolted and raided the armory relocated above as The Boomers in 2231.

Vault 42 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

No lightbulbs over 40W were provided.

Vault 43 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

A vault containing 20 men, 10 women, and one panther.

Vault 51 - Fallout 76 - West Virginia 

A vault with a supercomputer as the overseer. Interference from the computer led to most of the residents being murdered by other residents.

Vault 53 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only  

Most equipment was designed to break down every few months in order to stress out inhabitants.

Vault 55 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

No entertainment tapes were provided.

Vault 56 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

The only entertainment tapes provided were of one terrible comedian.

Vault 63 - Fallout 76 - West Virginia 

The inside of the vault remains sealed, with the outside door being all that is accessible to the player character. Other parts of the vault are revealed through cut content.

Vault 65 - Fallout 76 - Mention Only 

Remnants of the vault remain in Fallout 76 cut content.

Vault 68 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

The vault contained 999 men and 1 woman.

Vault 69 - Fallout Bible - Mention Only 

The vault contained 999 women and 1 man.

Vault 75 - Fallout 4 - Massachusetts 

A secret experimenting in refining human genetics through selective breeding, genetic modification, and hormonal treatments. The vault's concept was made by Stanislaus Braun.

Vault 76 - Fallout 76 - West Virginia 

The home vault of the player character in 76. It was a control vault, set to open after 25 years. This is when the player character leaves the vault.

Vault 77 - Fallout 3 - Mention Only 

Mentioned by slavers in Paradise Falls, this vault was rumored to only contain one man and a box of puppets.

Vault 79 - Fallout 76 - West Virginia 

A vault dedicated to hoarding the country's gold reserves.

Vault 81 - Fallout 4 - Massachusetts 

Designed to develop a cure for every possible sickness or ailment. Residents were unknowingly sprayed with diseases by nozzles hidden in their rooms. The first vault overseer had thought this to be cruel, cut off the scientists from the rest of the vault and cut the nozzles from spraying residents before the experiments could begin.

Vault 87 - Fallout 3 - Somewhere in VA/PA/MD 

The original vault experiment for 87 was scrapped, and it became a research center for FEV, leaving the vault wildly radioactive and inhabited only by super mutants by the time you access it as the Lone Wanderer.

Vault 88 - Fallout 4 - Massachusetts 

An unfinished vault inhabited by ghouls.

Vault 92 - Fallout 3 - Somewhere in VA/PA/MD 

The best musicians were sent to this vault to "preserve musical talent", but truthfully residents were subjected to subliminal messages mixed into white noise. Eventually some of the musicians went into random, murderous, psychotic rages that led to the end of the experiment.

 Vault 94 - Fallout 76 - West Virginia 

A vault with non-violent faith-centric inhabitants. The vault opened one year later to search for survivors. The vault became overrun by wastelanders and raiders that destroyed their G.E.C.K. and their nuclear reactor. The vault was swarmed with radiation and is now overrun by mirelurks.

Vault 95 - Fallout 4 - Massachusetts 

A vault designed to get people clean and sober. After a successful 5 years, a Vault-Tec agent brought out a hidden stash of drugs for other residents to find.

Vault 96 - Fallout 76 - West Virginia 

A vault with a focus on agriculture, animals, genetics, and mutations. The original residents were killed in a failed escape attempt, and the vault was then used by West-Tek scientist Edgar Blackburn to continue research on FEV.

Vault 100 - Fallout 3 - Mention Only 

Remnants of Vault 100 can be found in game files and cut content.

Vault 101 - Fallout 3 - Somewhere in VA/PA/MD 

The home vault for the Lone Wanderer. This vault was meant to never open and Vault 101 did not receive a G.E.C.K. However, the overseer of the vault pretty quickly broke this rule and occasional survey teams were sent to the surface. Several residents of Megaton are the result of these survey teams. Daddy James found the vault after the birth of the Lone Wanderer and negotiated his doctoral services in exchange for shelter.

Vault 106 - Fallout 3 - Somewhere in VA/PA/MD 

Psychoactive drugs slowly released into the air of Vault 106, causing the vault to be filled with psychotic survivors by the time the Lone Wanderer visits.

Vault 108 - Fallout 3 - Somewhere in VA/PA/MD 

A slew of experiments occurred in this vault. The elected overseer was dying of cancer, the primary power supply of the vault was scheduled to fail after 20 years, the backup power supply would not be enough to power ALL of the vault, the vault was given three times the normal amount of weapons, and the vault was not given entertainment. With a majority of scientists, one of the inner experiments involved repeatedly cloning the same man... Gary.

Vault 111 - Fallout 4 - Massachusetts 

Your home vault as the Sole Survivor. All residents were meant to unknowingly stay in cryostasis, with scientists overlooking them. However, conflicts arose among those unfrozen, leading to the vault door eventually being opened.

Vault 112 - Fallout 3 - Somewhere in VA/PA/MD 

Residents lived in a virtual reality simulation to create their "perfect life" with their overseer, Stanislaus Braun, a scientist who proceeded to use the residents as playthings. Braun continuously murdered residents, then wiped their memories and reset the simulation.

Vault 114 - Fallout 4 - Massachusetts

 An unfinished vault meant for only the wealthy. Vault-Tec exaggerated the luxury of the vault, gave residents very small rooms, communal bathing and dining areas, and a homeless drug-addicted overseer named Soup Can Harry.

Vault 118 - Fallout 4 - Maine 

An Unfinished Vault meant to house both a handful of ultra-rich and hundreds of working class individuals to observe how they would interact within the same space.

Vault 120 - Fallout 4 & Fallout 76 - Mention Only 

The vault itself was meant to mimic the underwater atmosphere of Bioshock. The game was cut from Fallout 4, but remnants can be found in Fallout 76 game files.

[charlietheepicwriter7]

Percy was left as the long guard of the creek boarder. One week into camp, barely any weapons training, and he was given the important job of stopping Red Team from crossing the boarder.

Something was off.

Studying the tree line, Percy discarded his shield - heavy, burdensome thing, it was more likely to get Percy killed than protect him - only to hear the sharp snap of a dead branch. He whirled towards the noise, back to the stream and hand on the pommel of his sword.

Someone was watching him.

But who? Percy's thoughts raced. He had very few allies here at camp; Grover, Luke (but he was going after the flag despite a loud argument with Annabeth that he overheard), maybe some of the other Hermes cabin kids? But he had made far more enemies than allies so far-

Unless... his eyes turned upward as he searched for a sign of an owl.

Percy always had weird dreams. Dreams of a breathtakingly sad woman he called Mother, a dark man in red he called Father, and a woman in armor who taught him to fight. For a long time, the dreams were vague, like he was peering through morning fog off the ocean. Then he reached camp, and the dreams were clear. He could see his Mother's face now, and dreamed about her chatting with his mom in the after life. He knew his Father's love, a father who'd been lost at sea for years before finally coming home. He knew his friend's name.

Athena.

There were no birds in the branches, nor any feathers on the ground. But he wasn't alone, because he could still hear the soft swish of fabric against fabric. Percy tightened his grip. "Show yourself," he demanded. The noise of the forest faded in his mind as Percy tried to triangulate the sound. "I know you're watching me. Show yourself!" A sharp gasp, quickly muffled. Percy glared in that direction. "I can see you..."

"What!?" Abruptly, Annabeth appeared. It wasn't like she jumped out of the trees, or a bush, but she literally wasn't there one second, and was there the next. Annabeth stormed over to Percy, scowling. "What do you mean, you can see me!? How did you do that?"

Percy stared back at her blankly, then snorted. "I was lying, and you fell for it." He held back from laughing in her face, but just barely. She wasn't his friend, but when she was angry like this, her eyes looked just like...

Annabeth reared back, a ruddy flush blooming over her cheeks and down her neck. "Well, good job! Liar." She sneered, slapping her baseball cap in her hand. "You're supposed to be guarding. What were you even doing, looking for me?"

"I wasn't looking for you- Actually, why are you here? I thought you'd be too busy micromanaging your plan to win-" Percy stopped, thought, and reassessed, coming to an unfortunate yet obvious conclusion. "...That's exactly what you're doing. I'm the plan. You're using me as bait." No wonder Luke was so mad!

Annabeth crossed her arms. "I am not!"

"You want those Ares kids to focus on kicking my butt instead of capturing our flag! You're practically sacrificing me!"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, you're being dramatic. I'm not going to let them hurt you."

"You're not the one they want to kill!" Percy snapped.

Through the brush on the other side of the stream, five Ares kids, led by the big bully herself, Clarisse, crashed into their argument. Clarisse's ringing "Cream the punk!" signalling of his and Annabeth's very unfortunate team up.

[peachetteprice]

WAIT i need to say this but idk where to post it but we're all Price enjoyers here so listen up

neighbour!Price or bestfriend or coworker, or whatever, being absolutely disgusted by your boyfriend/husband for not being ''man enough'' to claim you properly. Price thinks why isn't he putting a baby in you yet? haven't you two been together for months now? he's not doing a good job at it! let Price show you and your partner how it's done.

sorry, i am just weak for traditional slightly misogynistic Price, you hear me? good day

Oh... oh dear... I fear you may be on to something, anon... I'm choosing coworker!Price, because that's the first thing that popped into my head... 🧡

Naturally, coworker!Price studies you over a three-month period after the wedding, pressing his stomach against yours as he goes to hug you in farewell for the weekend, as all male coworkers do, such as he's reasoned for the past two years, analysing how your stomach never once bulges and pushes him away from the weight of a bain, despite the ring on your finger having been there for double that amount of time.

When the office Christmas party comes around, it's a secret-santa sort of affair. There's one final gift under the tree in the foyer. It's small, neatly wrapped, placated with a bow and a tag with the words 'from your secret santa' in luxurious cursive. It seems a thoughtful gift for anyone, and you haven't had yours yet - it's been two hours, and you just want to go home so you can shower and determine whether your husband's cock needs caring for - so, when your boss pinches it from the ground and plops it in your lap, it's a momentous occasion.

Sacrificing its beauty for curiosity, you rip open the wrapping paper to reveal a box, a cardboard one, and inside the box... one pink rattle with a cotton bunny tailing the end of it. It would have made a fine gift for an expectant mother, like the receptionist, Emma, for example, except that you're not pregnant, and you voice exactly that to whichever stranger in the cohort was responsible for the gift, expecting to hear a hushed giggle from Ian, sodomised Ian, the creep, who's always ogling the fold in your cleavage whenever you enter the breakroom.

A voice pipes up. It's not Ian's.

"You're not?" It says.

John says, instead of saying 'that bastard', like he wants to.

"No. But... I suppose if I'm ever thinking of having kids anytime soon, I'll... I'll hold onto it." And mutter a very sarcastic 'thank you, Ian,' under your breath.

Which John hears. And it angers him.

Without you even knowing, after everyone leaves the office, he's tagging you on the motorway home, hands gripping the steering wheel hard enough to wrench it from its socket with thoughts of running you off it, careening you into the barrier and heroically coming to your rescue, using the ruse of having just popped to the shops before home, before sweet-talking you like that bastard never did, bending you over the bonnet and stuffing a baby inside you like a true man should with his darling wife, cock fat with semen and weeping cum into that tight, velvet cunt of yours, too cock-drunk to even speak, drooling onto the metal plane of the front of your car as he cements your marriage with a baby, a chubby, healthy one, born from his cum and his cum only.

But you depart from the motorway via the next junction to stop for petrol, and he's too enraptured by the thoughts of fatherhood that he continues straight, right hand in his underwear, eyes dazed as he bursts his load, pretending its you and not his boxers to which he's gifting his precious cum.

| Masterlist |

[jujutsukgojo]

The Baby Project

chapter two

izuku midoriya x reader

Summary:

U.A. decides that raising a fake baby is a good lesson for the future heroes and paired third year classes A and B with a general studies class. When you get stuck with a dead beat, Izuku Midoriya comes to save the day and your grade.

tw: Dead beat parents, sexual harassment (no details), idk if there's anything else?

The baby project is the worst thing to have happened at U.A. At least for you and the rest of your General Studies class that the ‘heroes’ decided to sacrifice for their favored course. 

  “Is this punishment?” 

  The teacher, Snipe, shakes his head. “No, no it’s not.” 

“You sure? Is it because of my last assignment?” Your previous assignment was honest and not popular. Snipe didn’t like what you had to say about heroes. The only thing you regret is that it was almost a hundred slides and you had to hold the class hostage in order to finish it. It was so bad that some of the other teachers had to save them. What were you supposed to do? You worked hard on your presentation and by God, somebody is going to learn from it. It was a solid assignment that you ended up passing, much to your amazement. 

   “It’s not punishment. You’re helping them. They’re about to be sent out there and need that last bit of guidance.” You scoff at your teacher. Are you even going to be graded for this since it is all for them? Then, a thought enters.

“This is because of Endeavor, right?” The room is filled with tension at your referral. What did they expect? It’s the truth. Because of the Todoroki Family’s fiasco, U.A. has decided to help prevent that from happening again in its own way: by giving robotic babies. Not to mention it is at your expense.

“ Toots!” Your friend, Ema, hisses. You just shrug and mouth ‘what?’.

“Yes.” Your eyebrows raise at Snipe’s honesty. “And why are we sacrificed? We’re younger than they are. Let the elderly go first. Just as nature intended.”

 Snipe rubs his face. “Why are you so-no, you’re not being sacrificed. It’s a new assignment that everyone’s doing. My class is just paired up with them.” 

“ Why?"  How are you the only one with questions? There is so much unfairness here!

  “Will you stop?” A girl with bright red hair and reptilian eyes frowns at you. What’s her name again? Sakura or something? “It’s happening, there’s no use fighting it.”

  You sigh and glare at her and your homeroom teacher. 

“Try to get excited. This is the first time U.A. is doing this and you get to set the standard! Think of names and schedules,” He goes from being behind his podium to sitting on the desk in front of it. 

“And time, and sleep, and food-” He interrupts you. “This is new technology, too! This little thing feels, looks, and acts like a real baby. It literally grows and responds as time goes on.”

  The boy with shiny silver hair and four eyes tilts his head. You think his name is Jule? That’s how you’ve always referred to him as and was never corrected. “How old do we have to raise it to be?” 

  Your debate is slowly turning into excitement about the project. A baby to hold and raise. That grows and you’ll be the first at U.A. to do it. You’ll have future pro heroes as the other parent. Not just any of them, the golden class. Class A and B, the ones who fought in wars and defeated the greatest evil. That year alone goes down in history. Your peers still stand in awe as they walk past them in the hallways as do a lot of the school. 

  “Depends on your achievements. The better parent you are, the bigger it gets. Hatsume is the one who made them. For all we know, you guys could raise teenagers,” He turns his head towards you. “And get a taste of your own medicine.”

  “I’d be an excellent parent. I’m just not sure about heroes.”

He points at you. “Keep playing. I dare you.” His threat earns a couple of chuckles in the class and even a smile that you try to fight. 

  Riko, a girl a few rows away from you, bounces in her seat. “Who do we get?” 

“See? Be like Riko.” He gestures to her but stares dead at you. He has always been the teacher that tries to be personal and familiar and use first names. It’s refreshing since you’re so used to using first names anyway.

“Why are you picking with me…” You whine.

  “Because you don’t listen.” You scoff when Ema hums in agreement. “Traitor.” You grumble. 

“Mr. Snipe! Who are we getting?” Riko asks again. You are not surprised to see all of these people be thrilled about it. You raise your hand. 

“ What.” Snipe taps his foot, already tired and the day just started. “Is this going to get in the way of school or is this project not during class hours?” 

  “I forgot about that…” Riko sinks into her seat. Other complaints echo off the walls. Small voices finally decide to ask the right questions. Repeating yours, about finances, hero schedules, are we allowed to go into each other's dorms (of course, that was by Riko). 

  “This is all up to you. Now, they’ll be coming here soon. We’ll draw names then.” 

“What does that mean? How is it up to us?”

   Benio turns to you and says, “He means if we raise it right, it won’t go off. Depending on how good of a parent you are, kind of thing.”

You slump in your seat with growing stress. It’s going to grow. You’re not being graded on how much it cries or something like you did in middle school. No, this is like reality. Because of the hero course, you’re going to be somebody’s baby mama. 

“I hope I get Deku…” Ema says to herself and sports a light blush. She’s always been an Izuku Midoriya fan for as long as you’ve known her, which hasn’t been for very long. After the big showdown, he only had embers of whatever the hell the quirk was. Over time, he trained those embers to make them stronger and to be his own. No ghost guidance or whatever and a bad history attached. He was no longer All Might Jr., but Deku. Considered a hero in his own right. Plus, that new suit he got made him a hit among those who liked Batman or other comics. 

   At least that’s how you took the explanation? You're probably forgetting something but if you ask Ema, she’d go on and on. There aren't enough hours in a day for that. 

“I want Todoroki!” Riko squeals and bounces up and down in her seat. You can’t help yourself. “Girl, that’s dangerous.”

  “Making fun of what he’s been through isn’t funny.” Benio, a normal high schooler who is firm in his convictions, rebukes. You turn to him and look into his gold eyes. 

  “I’m not. I’m simply saying that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Plus, it’s also the reason for this assignment, right Snipe?”

  Your teacher looks up at you. He’s trying to make it seem that it is to benefit both courses but it’s just not. Not when this whole thing is caused by Endeavor and Touya. Clearly, U.A. is doing this for them, not for General Studies. He even said so. There is nothing for you here other than to train the future pros to be better parents so there wouldn't be another League. 

“Yes. It is also a new program that we’re trying whether you like it or not. It benefits everyone.” Snipe ends short. "What about necessities? Food, money, diapers, all of that. Do we buy our own or do you provide?"

You hate how you have to ask these questions. "U.A. has its own formula, bottles, and diapers. Due to it being mechanical, there's no way normal things would work."

"Do we pay for them?" Snipe nods slowly. Before you can complain again, the door opens and the veteran hero, Eraserhead, enters the room with his students. The future pros stand in line. The majority of them have smiling faces for their juniors. Some are blank. Since the big showdown, they have all grown. Taller, wider, buffer, smarter, all of it. It’s insane to think they were little twerps before. 

  “Where’s Deku?” Ema asks as she looks at all of them. Her pure black eyes survey the future pros. “He’s away right now! He’s training with his new suit, so he’ll be gone for a bit. But you have me!” Kaminari or Calamari whatever the fuck it is, smirks at her. 

   “No thanks.” You snort at her look of disgust. Lips curled, brows furrowed and she’s leaning back like she saw vomit. 

“Ouch.”

Hatsume enters the large classroom with a wagon in tow. All of the babies are of different colors and sizes. Some are very petite and others have rolls. They look like your average baby doll.

“Now class, listen up. We’ll draw names and to fit two parents together then you’ll get an assigned baby. We’ll provide birth certificates and activate the kid.”

  There is a feeling in your gut that this will not go well. You don’t mean to put it in the atmosphere at all. Since you’re stuck with this dumb thing, you hope you are wrong.

“Benio with Yaoyorozu.” You hear a curse under someone’s breath. He gets up and walks to your teacher for his baby. Benio and Yaoyorozu receive a normal sized baby. Benio quickly supports the head. In Yaoyorozu’s hand is the certificate wanting a name for it and their parent’s signature. 

  The door opens again and a hero course student from Class B walks in. If you remember right, he’s the drill guy. Someone who can turn his body really fast or something. He scratches his head and gives a short wave to the class. “Ah, there weren't enough students from the other General Studies.”

  “Alright, you and (Y/n).” You get up and go to the front to get your project. Mei hands it to you, not the future hero, and gives you the paper as well. You support the chubby baby’s head. Like your average doll, it has plastic skin and blank open eyes. You go back to your seat and wait for him. He stands there awkwardly. “Um, come with me.” 

“Why?” There are enough chairs for him, you note as you look around. Benio’s desk is empty. Snipe sighs. “(Y/n), go with him.”

“Why? This classroom is huge. He can sit down.” 

  “( Y/n), go.” Snipe points to the door. Slowly, you get up and head for the door, glaring at your teacher. You follow the drill guy closely. He opens the Class B room. You sit down and wait for him to follow you. Now that he’s next to you, he introduces himself. 

“I’m Sen Kaibara. Your name’s (Y/n)?” He has a small smile on his face. His eyes study you closely. You nod at his question. “Let’s get down to it.” You open the baby’s diaper and see that it’s a boy. “It’s a bouncing baby boy.” There are faint red spots on his legs. They aren’t bumps or anything. Maybe the diaper is too tight. You quickly close it before he pees on you. 

“Okay, what should we name him?” You have a few in mind. However, he also has a say in them and he probably won’t like them. Everything’s fine as long as the little boy has a name you can say and spell. Sen taps his chin and his eyes dart around. He snaps his fingers and asks, “How about my name?”

“No. And nothing I can’t pronounce, either.” He scoffs. “You’re not giving me a chance.” 

 “Neither are you. Something that we can both write and pronounce.” That’s it. In the end, that’s what you want. And for him not to be a junior. 

   The two of you decided on Noa, much to his annoyance. Clearly, you don’t get along. Not when it’s like this. All you asked was a simple thing. Yes, you can say Sen. But it doesn’t fit the baby. Yes, he can have a say so in the name. You only wanted a name you can spell and pronounce that doesn’t involve ‘junior’. It’s a name that both of you agreed with and is simple. 

   To you, it wasn’t difficult or a lot to ask for. To him, he’s red in the face as he turns it in. It was a simple disagreement. Why is he frowning so much? Snipe looks it over. “Ah, Noa? Nice name.” 

  Noa begins to get fussy. You look him over to see what’s wrong. You gasp at your discovery. His face changed from a baby doll look to one of an actual baby. His face is a mixture of yours and Kaibara’s. Honestly, mainly yours. Your eyes and mouth, especially. His plastic skin becomes soft like it's real and his weight now settles in. He looks and feels real.

   “That’s normal. Everything changes in time.” 

-------------

  

Unfortunately, things do change. Right as you adjust Noa so you are able to write, he freaks. Everyone’s head turns to you. Ema, God bless her, soothes you as you try to do the same to Noa. It’s crazy, you’ve baby sat before and aren’t bad with kids or babies. Yet with Noa you’re all thumbs. 

  “Bounce him gently. Do you have a bo-bo?” You snap your head. “A what?”

You can barely hear her over Noa's shrill cry. He shakes as he continues to wail. She shifts awkwardly. “A binky. A pacifier. It’s what we’ve always called it.”

  “I’m really irritated right now so usually I’d like, stab you or something but that’s cute.”

  Ema holds in a laugh. “Thank you for your generosity.” Mr. Snipe calls your name. “I know, I know! He won’t calm down.” 

  He sighs. “The bag we gave you has some supplies in it. The school’s formula, a bottle, a set of diapers, pamphlet all of that. Try different things,” He addresses the class. “Learn from this everyone. Plus, the items in the bag are samples. You’re going to have to do what you can by yourself.”

  You set the diaper bag between your knees and unzip it. Inside are the supplies Snipe mentioned. His screams get louder. Suddenly, another baby follows suit, awoken by Noa. Jule immediately glares at you. You mutter several apologies and fumble the silver formula packet which is surprisingly in a liquid form. 

  Your fingers shake whether from stress or the bouncing you're doing with your whole body, totally dedicated to the rhythm. You pour the contents in the red and white bottle to shake it. Putting it in his mouth, he refuses to suckle. 

“W-what?” You look at Snipe confused. He taps his foot and crosses his arms. Jule’s baby is quiet now, abruptly stops by your amazement. “How?” Jule shows you the bottle. “She’s hungry. Is Noa not-” 

“Let her deal with it.” Snipe sighs. Riko frowns. “Doesn’t it take a village to raise a child?”

  “Not for this project, no.” She sits up straighter. “Don’t you think you should be more patient? This was bound to happen.”

  “You,” He points to you. “Outside so we can continue class.” 

“Fucking asshole.”

“Watch it.”

You struggle to stand up without dropping him or anything else. Ema, bless her once more Lord, comes in and helps you with your things. You make haste to exit the classroom that is growing increasingly annoyed. 

  You try to feed him once again and when that doesn’t work, you set him on the ground to check his diaper. The redness is still there but he is dry. Throwing your hands in the air, you give up and head to Kaibara’s class. You don’t even bother to knock since literally everyone can hear you coming a mile away. 

   “Kaibara?” The class looks at you with their hero uniforms on. “Can you try? Nothing I’m doing is working.”

“I’m busy. I’ll visit later, okay? Try putting on a movie or singing to him or something. I gotta go.” He leaves you standing in the middle of his classroom.

“In the middle of school? Put on a movie in the middle of class?” You scoff and move in front of him, preventing him from walking away. Some of his classmates look at the two of you. You notice that not a single one of them have their babies. Their teacher, Dracula or something, pauses his speech and eyes you. “Kaibara, handle this as a father would. Alright class, let’s go.”

 “Kaibara-” He cuts you off with a short response. “Not now.” He rushes past you to join and laugh with his friends as Noa continues to cry. Dracula pats your shoulder and apologizes. 

______________

You decide to rock him rather than bounce. Soon after, he begins to quiet down, making you want to scream in his place. The bottle in your hand beeps. You look at it and see the word ‘spoiled’ on it with Hatsume’s face on it with a peace sign. 

  Still rocking him, you set your bag down on the ground to get a better look inside it to see how much you have. “No…” That was the only formula packet. Sighing, you pick it up and carefully rise up, with your knees cracking every inch. You head to the support course and walk inside. Power Loader is about to scold you for not knocking but stops himself immediately. “Is something wrong?”

“I need more formula, please.” Hatsume pops up out of nowhere. If you had the energy, you’d punch her for everything she’s ever done to you. 

  “Let me see, let me see!” She moves your arm enough to look at him. “Ah, he hasn’t grown; tsk, tsk.” You literally just got him. Like, a couple of hours ago.

 “Give me the formula.” 

  She sighs and shows you a set of packets and tells you the price. Your jaw drops. “You can’t be serious.” 

  “Yep, yep! Hand it over.” Regular formula is half the price and she’s handing you six packets. One per bottle. “Is one packet for one bottle?”

“Preferably. If you water it down then the baby isn’t getting the nutrients. Don’t try to skimp on my baby, little baby!” 

The door behind you opens and shuts. Benio comes to your side. “She keeps throwing up, is your formula faulty?”

  Hatsume twitches. “ No! These are based on real babies and not every baby can have the same formula.”

  She, again out of nowhere, brings out a pink pouch. “Specialized!” You’re about to have a heart attack when she tells him how much his is. It’s even more than yours. “Fine. I’ll take four cases.”

Ah, that’s right. His parents make a lot of money, and his stipend is more than yours. Because you are a scholarship kid, your amount is lower. No one has told you by how much, though. 

Embarrassed, you put up two fingers. She hands them to you and is gracious enough to place them in the diaper bag. Your eyes are downcast. 

  “Everything’ll be okay.” Hatsume says. You don’t ask what the money is for even though you are curious.

While you're here, you speak up to Noa's demonic creator. Ever since you got him, his groin has been red and irritated. You want to smack yourself when you finally piece together that he has a rash.

"Is there something wrong with the diapers? He's terribly red ever since it was put on him." You hand him over to her and she places him on a clear spot on her desk. "Ah, he's allergic! Good thing I have something for tha-"

"Special diapers?"

She puts her hands on her hips. "Why didn't you let me finish?"

"Let me buy them, please." You see the box of diapers in her hand. Already your stomach is in knots. Strangely, she looks into your eyes without a smile. No expression on her face. It looks like she's focused on you. "Are you okay?"

You nod and hum. It doesn't feel right to let this bother you.

 "Here's some samples. Let me know if they work, okay?" She hands you three blue diapers. Unlike the regular ones that have the U.A. design on them, this one is pure blue with the U.A. emblem on the top. You don't realize it until you quickly change Noa and see the redness start to fade. Your eyes are watery. Not to the point of tears rolling out but close enough that Mei cared.

You clear your throat. "I'll um, let you know. If they work, I'll buy some more."

___________________________

Sitting at your usual lunch table with Ema, Benio, and Riko, you struggle to eat your lunch one handed. The other is occupied with holding Noa. Luckily, he is peacefully sleeping.

“You should really get a carrier or a wrap. It’ll be much easier.” Ema, who got Kirishima, eats her piece of chicken. New voices are loud enough to gain your table’s attention. 

“Mm! Gotta go. We promised we’d sit together for the sake of our daughter.” She gets up and leaves you in awe of her communication skills. “I wish that were me. I can’t Yaoyorozu to sit still.”

“I don’t even want to.” Riko says. You forgot who she got but her forlorn face clearly says it’s not Todoroki. 

“Not many of them even carry their kids. Like, Kirishima is the first I’ve seen.” You point to him sitting next to Ema. She didn’t get Midoriya like she wanted. Nevertheless, she got one of the better ones out of the bunch. In fact, he’s bragging about her. Showing everyone his daughter like a real proud father. 

   “Damn it…” You mutter. Searching around the cafeteria, you say, “I can’t even see Kaibara. Maybe we should exchange numbers. I have to tell him that Noa can't have the regular diapers.”

“You don't have his number?” You shake your head no. Riko frowns and rocks her carrier. “(Y/n)! That's, like, the first thing you should do.”

“I know, I know. He ignores me, though! Today I couldn’t console Noa. So, I went to him for help and he totally blew me off. He didn’t even look at him. Like Benio over here, I cannot get this guy to sit still.”

“Try again. If I can get her to cough it up, you can too.” He finishes his plate fast. Benio rhythmically taps his foot. His eyes focus on the table, clearly pissed off. You want to reach out and tell him it’ll be okay. That she’ll come around and you are in this together. Right now, he’s at the stage where he’ll snap at anyone and you prefer to live.

“You guys are so lucky. I got stuck with a creep.” That can only be one person. You gasp. “That grape dude? He’s still alive?” You didn’t even see him in class. It was probably the Lord doing that.

“Yep,” She pops her ‘p’. She pushes her broccoli around. Riko tenses up and her bottom lip sticks out slightly. “All I get are innuendos. I want to meet up? He’ll flirt and suggest another child. I don’t feel safe at all.” She mumbles. Your protective instincts start to flare up. It’s not normal for you to feel this way, either. How could he do this? Yes, she’s smart and pretty. But that doesn’t mean jack crap. Being disgusting towards her is wrong. Where are his morals? She isn't interested. She said no!

   “If you want to have supervised visits, I’ll be happy to be there. Make it into a play date sort of thing.” It isn't much to offer but at least it's out there. Her lips wobble as she smiles at you. “I would like that, please.”

“Has it gotten that bad already? The project just started.” Benio rubs her back. “Yeah, already. He keeps blowing up my phone. I got in trouble for it in class, remember?” Yeah. English class was a sight when her phone vibrated so much it shook off the desk. The teacher's vein nearly popped due to the interruptions. 

   “Let me see.” Benio grabs her phone and checks. With every scroll his eyes get wider. “The fuck? We have to tell the teachers.”

“They’ll just say, ‘it’s like real life’.” She mimics their voice. You hold out your hand to reach her. Whatever is on that phone, has made Benio even madder. Steam practically comes out of his ears. “Yeah, but this is sexual harassment. Something that is punishable.” 

  “Will you go with me?” You and Benio don’t need to be told twice. You spot Kaibara with the red headed big hand girl. You get up and go to him. “I’ll be right back. When I get back, we’ll go directly to Snipe.”

  You make your way to him. He laughs and snickers with her, neither one having their baby in hand. “Yo, Kaibara.” 

  He stops and turns to you. “I need to talk to you.”

“I’m busy right now. I’ve worked hard, I’d like to eat.” You tap your foot and suck your lips in before you speak. “The only thing I see is you jaw jacking and not a single bit of food got in your mouth. All I’m asking for is a minute. I need to talk to you about our baby.”

"Fake baby."

The red head inhales her food. “Mm! That reminds me, I have to go find her. I promised I’d watch the baby.” 

“Watch? That’s your kid. You’re not babysitting, you're supposed to be raising.” 

   She freezes and you turn to Kaibara. “Come on.”

“After that? You broke her.” He grabs her hand and leads her to the rest of Class B. “At least take my number so we can communicate!” 

 “Later!” He meets up with his friends and Red looks back at me with a guilty look. She lets go of his hand and goes somewhere else. 

  “Come on, let’s go to Snipe.” You guide Riko up from the table. “What’re you going to him for?” Kaibara miraculously is able to hear you, apparently. He pokes his head up above his friends’ shoulders to peer at you. He goes behind one of them and asks again. 

“None of your business,” You snap. Your thumb rubs Riko's hand in an attempt to comfort her. “Come on.” Riko gets up and packs her things while Benio throws everything away. Sen calls out to you again, wondering why you’re going to Snipe. “Later!” You yell.

He really should’ve given his number.

---------------

You stand in the hallway with Benio. Both of your backs are leaning against the wall. You hear Riko’s muffled voice as well as Eraserhead and Snipe. The three of you called them together and showed them the messages. Benio didn’t see them all and you didn’t see a thing, which is probably for the best. Noa is still sleeping soundly in your arms. His chubby cheek is nestled close to your chest. You shift your weight on your feet and look at Benio from the corner of your eye.

“Do you think they’re giving him an excuse?” He rolls his eyes. “Don’t start that shit.” Benio snaps. You whip your head towards him. “I’m worried about her, you little bitch. No need to get snappy.”

“I’m worried too. Skank.” 

“Pfft!” You snort. For the first time during lunch period, he cracks a small smile. The door opens and you quickly straighten up. Riko comes out first. “Let’s go, you guys.”

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, we’re excused.” You nod and walk with her, Benio and the babies in tow. “What’s going to happen? Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be alright.” 

-------

  Your arms are becoming numb as you hold Noa. You still don’t have a carrier or the money to afford one. Looking around, everyone is more prepared than you or is just overall better. During lunch, a bunch of them rushed out to buy baby things. Smart bastards.

  Noa is squirming more than ever. He isn't crying (yet) but he looks uncomfortable. Maybe it’s gas? You have to document that on your project's papers. Snipe said to write down all the progress, costs, and at the end there will be a written assignment on all of the notes. It's a weird project and clearly an emotional one. 

“Sen? Sen?” You go yelling through the hallways of his dorm. Tetsutetsu gets up and goes to you with his baby in his arms. “What’s wrong? I can help.”

“Where is Kaibara?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe his room? Is everything okay?” You shake your head no. “No, nothing’s okay. He’s avoiding me and the baby. I need to talk to him.”

  Tetsutetsu clenches his fist. “Bet. Follow me.” He goes through the halls demanding to know where he is. Tetsutetsu barges into Kaibara’s room, the door swinging open so hard it now squeaks. He begins to yell, “ Take responsibility!”

 “Tetsu, what the hell?” Kaibara shoots up and closes his manga. “You? What’d you do, go to Snipe and have Tetsu on my ass?”

  “No, he did that on his own. We need to discuss the baby. Noa needs things and there are times when your schedule works better than mine. There’s so much we need to talk about.” Although a part of you wants to defend yourself for going to Snipe, it isn’t fair to Riko.

  “I got this, Tetsu.” Kaibara looks into Tetsutetsu’s eyes. “You better. You and the others are giving us a bad name.” 

  He leaves and gives you a nod. You shut the door behind him and hand the baby to Kaibara. “Kaibara, meet Noa. Noa, meet your dad.”

  “That’s not funny. And it is not right to embarrass me like that!” He holds Noa awkwardly and gives him a weird look, as if he's disgusted or freaked out.

“That’s what you’re worried about? We have a whole child right there-”

“He isn’t real!” He yells, surprisingly, not waking Noa up. Your anger begins to grow. “The costs are real! The necessities are real! The grade is definitely real!”

  “Is that what you want? Money?” How the fuck is that what he caught.

“Money? No. I want you to help. I can’t do everything on my own and worry about school. Let’s work on a schedule. Let’s get baby supplies. Communication is amazing, why not do it?”

   He brushes past you roughly, pushing you back a little. “Let’s go then.”

The two of you walk to a baby store, passing the many confused and worried expressions. He dips his head into his hoodie. “I should’ve hid my fucking face or something.”

You roll your eyes. “Did it occur to you that they’re staring at us because we’re two teens with a baby?” He scoffs, throwing the door open and doesn’t hold it for you.

 “Jerk.”

Inside, are rows of colorful clothes. Some are hero merchandise and others have cartoons. After the various clothing for all ages are bottles, diapers, binkies, and the like. In the back is the gold mine for children: lots and lots of toys. 

   “What about this?” You hold up a dinosaur shirt. He rolls his eyes and shrugs. “Can you hold him now?”

  This is the first time today you don’t have him and you're still taking care of him while your partner is right there. “No. It’s your quality time.”

  You put the dinosaur shirt in the cart. Suddenly, Noa screams bloody murder. You turn to Kaibara who’s freaking out. “What the fuck? He just started-”

“Is everything okay?” An employee comes up. Kaibara quickly gives him to you and says, “I gotta go.”

   “At least leave some cash!” He turns around and stomps to you. 

“Fucking knew it. Here.” He hands you twenty bucks. As he slams the door open and shut, he hides his face. You bounce Noa. “Is there a bathroom or something?”

“Yeah, come with me. Leave the cart.” 

In the bathroom, you lower the table. “I fed you, you took a nap, I changed you-”

She looks at his face. "Babies can sense things too, you know?"

You look up at the woman and ask what she meant. "Children can tell how a person is inside." She nudges her head to point out the door. "And that was clear as the sky today."

“Thank you for your help.” It took twenty minutes for him to calm down and thirty for you. The woman behind the counter is a God send. She’s helped you out more than Kaibara has, and you’ve only known her for a short amount of time. You called Snipe to let him know where you were, and he yelled at you for being late. Whatever. It’s his dumb assignment. 

   You put the supplies on the counter, fearing the cost. You grabbed a very cheap wrap, not yet being able to afford a proper carrier. You have his money, and the rest of yours. 

  She looks at you and looks at what’s on the counter. “This isn’t nearly enough. You got some of the essentials. Everything else is missing.”

   “I know, I know. I didn't have time to plan or anything. This was sprung on us today, remember?" You wished you had time to at least finance.

She tells you the total. What he gave you doesn’t cover anything but a few shirts and a bo-bo . You buy everything else with nothing left in your account until payday. 

-----------

As you go home, Noa decides that it's time to rest again. His soft pudgy face is peaceful and his breathing is steady. “I’m sorry about today. And that you still don’t have a bed…” You set him on your bed comfortably. Afterwards, you put everything away in the few drawers you have.

You are in awe of how little he is. Chubby but overall small. It’s ridiculous how much you spent on a fake baby though, no matter how cute. This entire thing is unorthodox even by U.A. standards. Students paying for things with their own money is just too much. How did they expect this to happen? Where is the money going to? 

It’s not a complete loss, anyway. Things can be recycled, donated, or sold at the end. You rub your face and look around at the lack of things he has. No bed, dresser, playpen, and the only toys he has are the stuffed animals that were on your bed. And he’s too young to be playing with them anyway. 

Even though he isn't real, he's not, this is still getting to you. It's way too familiar. You smack your cheeks. He's an assignment, a project, a doll. That's right, a doll. To the side is your white laundry basket. You grab it and put a spare pillow in it, just like you would with your baby dolls when you were a child. “Alright, let’s see if this works.”

   Nope, no it doesn’t. You groan and apologize to Noa, who still does not have a bed. That alone bothers you. He looks up at you for a moment then closes his eyes again. He gives a quick smile revealing two dimples on his chubby cheeks. You give him a little kiss. 

You gasp. You only had him for a day and you've become attached. Not to a serious degree but enough to warrant a kiss. Maybe it’s because of his likeness to being real. He actually looks like he’d be yours. He feels like a baby. The whole thing is confusing you and you think it’s popping your ovaries or something.

You suddenly feel heavy. Today has been nothing but draining. If you can get a few minutes in, just a few. You need to do the responsible thing and take your meds if you’re going to nap. The bottle is too far. The side of the bed your upper body is leaning on is so comfortable. Eyelids heavy, a yawn, and the day that has been so tiring. You just need a few minutes…

   There’s a knock on the door. You perk up and check on Noa, who is still asleep. You wipe your drool from your face and arm. Your knees crack in pain from sleeping on them. “I’m old, so, so old.”

  “Hello?” You say as you open the door. Ema bounces and excitedly tells you, “Deku’s on the phone!”

“Bitch, did you really wake me up for that?” It’s the audacity. The sheer amount of stupid is astounding. 

“Fucker. Anyway, come on! He’s face timing my baby daddy right now.”

  “Hold on, let me get Noa.” You grab your bag that has a pink dress uniform in it and then snatch his diaper bag off of your chair. Right as you're about to leave your room, your eyes find the long mirror. The dry erase marker is fading and needs to be redone, and you must put more reminders on it, too. 

  Your eyes stay there too long. You can feel yourself about to drift away in the color of a light purple and dark blue, swirling around each other with twinkling stars. The smell of lavender starts to push through the scent of the blown out candle in your room. A moon is peering out of the colors, soon to move and send you into another dream. 

  Suddenly, Ema yells your name. It comes into your head like an echo, something distant and not seen. You begin to come out of it when Noa starts to cry. You blink and wipe your eyes. Noa immediately stops crying. “Thanks, bud.”

Downstairs, Kirishima holds his phone out and talks. “We miss you! When are you coming back?” 

   “In a few weeks, I think? Maybe a month. I’m not sure but I'm making tons of progress! I'm starting to feel more secure in my suit."

You enter the commons and spot the spiky redhead talking animatedly to the green on the screen. "It's a cool suit! I like how it looks a lot like your usual-here she is. Her name's (Y/n). (Y/n), meet Izuku Midoriya."

  Your face then takes up the screen. Round green eyes meet yours. He doesn’t say anything at first, he just stares. Finally, he stutters as he introduces himself. Anytime he’s brought up, you’ve been shown this freckled baby face. Now, you’re looking at someone who’s gaining mature definition. His cheeks are a little slimmer and his scar adds a rugged look. His curls are no longer all over his head but are now neatly trimmed. All in all, he is not bad to look at. He’s surprisingly easy on the eyes. 

  “Okay.” Ema elbows you and tells you to be nice. “What? Why am I here?” You whisper back. You feel Midoriya’s eyes on you as you talk. 

“So you won’t be here for a while?” Kirishima sounds sad that his friend is still gone. “I’ll be there soon!”

“You just said-”

“No, no, no. I’ll be there!” He moves his phone in a way that covers the lower half of his face that is growing pink. 

Why are his eyes so round? He looks scared.

Ema chuckles under her breath and smiles at you. You look at the time and jump. “Shit! It’s been nice talking to you, but I’ve got to go.”

  “Alright, see you-”

“It was nice meeting you!” You stop and turn back to look at the green haired guy on the phone. He scratches his head and gives a close eyed smile. Kirishima tells him to calm down. Ema shakes her head slightly. The bright shine in her eyes is dimmed as they go to the floor. A small smile appears on her lips. “Oh, dear. Deku is something else.”

 You bid them goodbye and run to find him. Noa stays calm as you cradle him gently. Finally, you see him as you push past the doors of his dorm. Kaibara is in the Class B commons sitting with his phone in his hand and his bare feet propped up on the coffee table. Many of his class stand around and talk or do homework. You take a deep breath before you say anything, like ‘you’re not helping you dumbass maggot.’ or ‘eat the dust that Shigaraki himself made’. You want to be civil for now.

 “Kaibara, I need you for tonight.” And during the day too, preferably. He straightens up in his seat. Immediately, he frowns.  “What? In the morning-”

“Is your home room. Stop. I need you to watch him in the evenings after school.”

“Until when?” He harshly whispers, looking around at his friends, hoping they don’t see or hear this too much.

“Around seven or eight? I’ll call to let you know.” You take off the diaper bag. “Here you go. By the way, he wears special diapers that Hatsume makes so you'll need to go get some more. He's terribly allergic to the regular ones she makes.”

  “I-I can’t-” He stutters. Right now, he doesn’t look too much like a hero, just some punk ass teen in an Eeyore sweater whose mom just told him to watch his brother for an hour.

You hold up your hand. “You can, and you will. This is your son, right? Someone you wanted as a junior?” You hand him Noa, who is awake. “I’ll see you later, pumpkin.” You give Noa's cheek a poke.

  Kaibara is silent. Completely silent.

------------

“Benio? What’re doing?” You ask just as you’re about to head out of the U.A. gates. You didn't expect to run into him this time of day. He’s stomping with his kid in his arms. Last you saw her, she was wearing a basic outfit to go out. A purple onesie with a cheesey graphic design and some pants. Now she's in lavish clothing that you know he didn't give her. They look expensive and well put together. It's something an Instagram mom would make her kids wear; nothing like a child would be sporting if they had a normal parent. “She’s the fucking worst, I swear to God.”

“Who?”  He can’t possibly be talking about his baby. He likes the kid too much, even though he’ll deny it. The way he looks at her and can't stop cooing is too telling. He's taken gobs of pictures already and the project just started.

   “That bitch, Yaomomo. Or whatever the fuck people call her,” He growls. A pebble flies away by his kick. “You were right. I give up.” 

Your opinions can be controversial, especially in a hero loving society. So, him admitting that is pretty huge. Although you want to gloat, you can’t help but feel bad for him and his descent to anger and hate all caused by a stupid future pro.

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

Some more obscure and / or underrated lesbian literature : An incomplete list made by a lesbian in hopes of making other sapphics happy

(I haven’t read all of them)

Sorted by years (this rapidly became a history lesson of lesbian literature sorry I’m a nerd)

Ancient times

(A good article about lesbians in ancient greece / rome)

Queen Zhuang Jiang 庄姜 (???- BC 690) / We know about Sappho and Enheduanna, but what about her? She wrote poems some of which were, uh, pretty gay. I learnt about her here. It is said than her poems are in The Book of Songs (which is a collection of ancient Chinese poetry). I couldn’t find a lot about her but I found enough to believe than (hopefully) she was a real person and the internet isn't lying to me.

Dialogues of the courtesans - Lucian of Samosata (somewhere in the second century BC) / Basically Dialogues of the courtesans is a collection of dialogues between well, courtesans (prostitutes). Either between themselves or between clients. One of the dialogues is called “The Lesbians”. Link to read (somehow finding a pdf of Dialogues of the courtesans is pretty hard but reading it chapter by chapter online it’s not??)

The Babyloniaka - Iamblichus (somewhere in the second century AC) / Lost novel, so all you need to know is here

Of course we can’t forget this Pompeii poem

1200s

Bieiris de Romans (somewhere in the first half of the 1200s) / Bieiris was a French poet, and we only have one of her poems with us because the others have been lost. We don’t know much (anything) about her, except that she was a woman, French, and who wrote about a woman called Maria. Some say that this mysterious Maria referred to the Virgin Mary, others than Maria was her gf, and others than she was writing in the perspective of a man (because obviously a woman writing about other women in a not so platonic way is unthinkable). Anyway, feel free to get your own conclusions, here’s the poem (translated)

1500s

The Sword and the Pen: Women, Politics, and Poetry in Sixteenth-Century Siena - Konrad Eisenbichler / So while this is a modern book, it is the only one I’ve been able to find than includes Laudomia Forteguerri’s poems (1515-1555). Some historians considered her to be the earliest Italian lesbian writer. “Although only six of her sonnets have survived, all are testaments to the love she bore for other women, and five are specifically dedicated to Margaret of Austria.”

The Maitland Quarto / Manuscript (1586) / So, this is a collection of 95 scot poems, and poem 49 is pretty sapphic. It’s technically anonymous, but it has been attributed to Marie Maitland (who transcripted the manuscript and is thought to have added her own poems there). The last lines mean “'There is more constancy in our sex / Than ever among men has been”, I haven’t been able to translate the rest of it. The poem.

Galatea - John Lyly (1592) / “Galatea (or Gallathea) and Phillida who are dressed up in male clothes by their fathers so that they can avoid the requirement of the god Neptune that every year "the fairest and chastest virgin in all the country" be sacrificed to a sea-monster. Hiding together in the forest, the two maidens fall in love, each supposing the other to be a young man.”

1600s

The Flower's Shadow Behind the Curtain - Ko Lien Hua Ying (somewhere in the 1600s) / It is said this book was written towards the end of the Ming dynasty (1368 to 1644). It’s a erotic book, and chapter 22 includes an erotic story between two 16 year old girls. I found it in Sex in China: Studies in Sexology in Chinese Culture by Fang Fu Ruan (believe it or not, I don’t just randomly know all this books, I did research)

Aphra Behn (1640-1689) / English writer, one of the first female writers to live through her writing. She was also a spy. She wrote a lot about women. “Homoeroticism is standard in Behn's verse, either in descriptions such as these of male to male relationships or in depictions of her own attractions to women. Behn was married and widowed early, and as a mature woman her primary publicly acknowledged relationship was with a gay male, John Hoyle, himself the subject of much scandal.” (here). She wrote a lesbian love poem (in the link before, it also makes an analysis of it). The poem: To The Fair Clarinda

Poems, Protest, and a Dream: Selected Writings - Juana Inés De la Cruz (1648-1695) / So the thing about Juana is than every single spanish-speaking lesbian knows her (and loves her), but hardly anyone who doesn’t speak spanish has ever heard of her, which is a shame, because she’s an absolute icon. She was a Mexican nun who was also incredibly gay. You know how Sappho is called the tenth muse? Juana is also called the (mexican) tenth muse. She’s also called the phoenix of America, which is incredibly badass. She learnt how to read at 3 years old, at 8, she asked her mother to send her to college dressed as a man (her mother refused). She learnt and studied by her own, because she wanted to learn. She studied by cutting her hair (if she got something wrong or forgot something, she cut a strand of her hair as a punishment) because she said that “a head adorned with hair is worthless if it’s a head naked of ideas”. When she was sixteen (important to note than she already spoke Latin fluently at 12, having mastered it in just a few lessons) the archbishop Payo Enríquez de Rivera heard of her, and decided to ask her to be the company lady of his wife (his wife and her eventually would have a relationship) and decided to test her intelligence. He got 40 (!!!) university profesor of all subjects, and they all asked her questions related to maths, literature, philosophy, etc. She answered all of them right. At around 21, she decided to become a nun (not out of faith, but because it was either becoming a nun and being able to continue her education, or marrying a man and stop studying. To her, the choice was clear). Also it is said she owned around 4000 books in her personal library. So yeah, an educated, extremely intelligent gal, who wrote lesbian love poems to her gf, and who was definitely not afraid to stand up for herself.

1700s

The Game of Flats - Nicholas Rowe? (1715) / Poem, “game of flats” was an 18th century slang for lesbian sex. Link to read <- that website includes lots of 18th century queer history and poems like this one

The Sappho-an - Anonymous (1735 or 1749) / When I first heard of this I couldn’t believe it. It sounds like an AO3 fanfic, or some modern erotic book (one of those than have a real person in the cover), or maybe a forgotten 1970s lesbian book. It’s none of that. It’s an anonymous poem written in the 1700s. The plot? The goddesses of Olympus are sexually unsatisfied because the gods keep on going after mortals (except Ares, he’s just too busy with war) instead of paying attention to them. The gods keep going after woman and male mortals, so Hera just says yknow what if they can sleep with men then we can sleep with each other. Sappho also appears. Link to read.

Fanny Hill, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure - John Cleland (1742) / Ok fine, this one is not sapphic but the main character (female) does have sex with a woman at one point. This is basically an erotic novel. Very dirty (specially for the time period) and very banned in lots of places. The main character is Fanny, a prostitute. It includes lots of straight sex, some gay (mlm) sex, and two pages where Fanny describes in detail having sex with Phoebe, bisexual prostitute. Not sapphic, but thought it was worth mentioning.

1810s

Christabel - Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1816) / So, have you heard of Carmilla (1872)? If you’re reading this post, you probably have, if you haven’t, it’s a classic (vampire) book than is said to have inspired Bram Stoker to write Dracula. It’s also incredibly gay. Well, some say it was Christabel than was the inspiration for Carmilla. Of course we don’t know this for sure, but the similarities definitely are there. Review from a reader: “what if we were the protagonist and villain of a never-completed sensual gothic poem (and we were both girls) / alternately: when you meet a wickedhot girl only she's SPOOKY but that's SEXY and turns out your dad and her dad were also gay back in the day before having a sexy gay falling-out and she's like 'babe let's get naked and hold each other close' and you're like '—wait fuck I mean uhhhh I PRETEND I DO NOT SEE IT!'” I haven’t read this one, however for what it seems Christabel is not explicitly a vampire. Since the poem is unfinished we don’t know the end, and we just think she’s a vampire because so many things used in here were also reused for vampires characterization (like not being able to enter a house unless invited)

1830s

Mademoiselle de Maupin - Théophile Gautier (1835) / “A woman uses her incredible beauty to captivate both d'Albert, a young poet, and disguised as a man, his mistress, Rosette. In this shocking tale of sexual deception, Gautier draws readers into the bedrooms and boudoirs of a French château in a compelling exploration of desire and sexual intrigue, and gives voice to a longing which is larger in scope, namely, the wish for completeness in oneself.”

1840s

Netochka Nezvanova - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1849) / Incomplete because the author was exiled. Tells the story of Netochka Nezvanova, her childhood and adolescence, and the many many bad things that happen to her. She falls in love with a girl as well.

1870s

Mademoiselle Giraud, My Wife - Adolphe Belot (1870) / “The sensational Mademoiselle Giraud, My Wife tells of the suffering of a naive young man whose new bride will not agree to consummate the marriage. Eventually he learns from an acquaintance, to his amazement, that their wives are lovers.” In reviews it says than this is a homophobic novel (who’s surprised) but “Christopher Rivers argues in his introduction that the protagonist's homophobic attitude toward lesbianism is ironically linked to his intimate homosocial bonds with men”

1880s

Jill - Amy Dillwyn (1884) / “Jill is the story of an unconventional heroine—a gentlewoman who disguises herself as a maid and runs away to London in search of adventure after her mother dies and her father is pursued by a Victorian gold-digger. Once in London she uses her position as lady's maid to become close to her mistress. Her life above and below stairs is portrayed with irreverent wit in this fast-paced story, but at the centre of the novel is Jill's unfolding love for the woman she works for. On the surface a feminist manifesto, Jill is a poignant story of same-sex desire and unrequited love. A new introduction tells the autobiographical story on which the novel is based —the author's own passionate attachment to a woman she called her wife, but who she couldn't have.”

Mephistophela - Catulle Mendès (1889) / “Telling the story of Baronne Sophor d'Hermelinge, a woman as thoroughly martyrized by her creator as any other heroine in the history of fiction, in spite of the enormous competition for that title established by countless writers, male and female, it is one of the archetypal novels of the Decadent Movement, and one of the most striking, precisely because is it such a discomfiting piece of writing, the deliberately controversial nature of which has been further enhanced as its surrounding social context has changed over time. Highly influential, especially on the works of such writers as Jean Lorrain and Renée Vivien, Mephistophela, in placing lesbian amour in the foreground of the story, deals forthrightly and intensively with a literary theme that had previously only been treated with delicacy and indecision, mostly in poetry. It is essentially a horror story about demonic possession, about contrived and cruel damnation, devoid even of a Faustian pact, which merely employs obsessive lesbian desire as an instrument of damnation.” Goodreads review: “As a story it is quite straightforward. Girl has same-sex desires and the novel follows her various affairs up to about the age of thirty. […] More controversially, Stableford (and the books blurb) suggests that it is a novel of demonic possession. Now Brian has probably forgotten more than I will ever learn about the period but a few of the episodes show distinct Charcotian traits (an early childhood 'illness', two doctors in conversation etc) and a (really great) fantasy/visionary episode in the book seems to show, to me, the influence of Michelets book on witchcraft. If anything, the book seems even more subversive that Stableford suggests, as Sophie seems largely 'out and proud' and the author often says that she is 'is as she is' suggesting to me that it is 'natural' rather than demonic. I wonder whether the publisher asked Mendes to add some suggestion of the demonic to 'tone down' the idea that people were actually like 'that'.”

1890s

Avant la nuit / Before the dark - Marcel Proust (1893) / Short story (seriously, less than 10 pages). I read it the other day before bed and it’s pretty good. Talks about Françoise, a woman, revealing her homosexuality to her friend Leslie.

A Sunless Heart - Edith Johnstone (1894) / “Its first third focuses on Gasparine O'Neill, who shares an intense connection with her sickly twin brother, Gaspar. Living in poverty, the two struggle to live decently until Gaspar dies. Here gritty naturalism gives way to fantasy, as Gasparine is rescued from despair by the brilliant Lotus Grace, a much-admired teacher at the local Ladies' College. Sexually exploited from the age of twelve by her sister's fiancé, Lotus cannot love anyone, not even her illegitimate child. Gasparine devotes herself to Lotus, but Lotus finds her final brief happiness with a woman student, Mona Lefcadio, a passionate Trinidadian heiress. Exploring issues of race, sexuality, and class in compelling prose, A Sunless Heart is a startling re-discovery from the late- Victorian era. The appendices to this Broadview edition provide contemporary documents that illuminate the tension between romantic friendship and lesbian consciousness in the novel and address other debates in which the novel the nature of Creole identity, the education of women, and the dangers of childhood sexual exploitation.”

The Songs of Bilitis - Pierre Louÿs (1894) / Poetry. However, believe it or not, these were not written by a woman but by a man. Why add it then, well, the story is quite original. The author (Pierre Louÿs) published this verses as written in Ancient Greece by a “disciple of sappho” named Bilitis. He created this whole character, she was a woman, she was a poet, she was a sappho disciple, her work has been lost until now, and she was a huge lesbian. Of course, this is not true, but still, it’s an interesting read. “Between their open celebration of lesbian love and the eventual revelation of their true authorship—the verses actually were written by French novelist and poet Pierre Louÿs—they became a succès de scandale. Although debunked as a work of antiquity, The Songs of Bilitis remains a classic of erotic literature.”

1900s

A Woman's Affair - Liane de Pougy (1901) / "Despite her beauty and her riches, Annhine de Lys, one of the most notorious courtesans of 1890s Paris, is bored and restless. Into her life bursts Flossie, a young American woman, and everything changes. The love she offers Annhine is dangerous, perverse and hard to resist. Ignoring the warnings of her best friend, Annhine encourages the affair."

I Await the Devil's Coming - Mary MacLane (1902) / “Mary MacLane's I Await the Devil's Coming is a shocking, brave and intelectually challenging diary of a 19-year-old girl living in Butte, Montana in 1902. Written in potent, raw prose that propelled the author to celebrity upon publication, the book has become almost completely forgotten. In the early 20th century, MacLane's name was synonymous with sexuality; she is widely hailed as being one of the earliest American feminist authors, and critics at the time praised her work for its daringly open and confesional style. In its first month of publication, the book sold 100,000 copies--a remarkable number for a debut author, and one that illustrates MacLane's broad appeal.” She’s pretty sapphic and claims her (female) lit teacher is her true love. Also an excerpt from a Goodreads review: “She awaits the Devil to come and marry her and bring happiness if only for three days, meanwhile rehearsing suicide. She prays to the Devil to deliver her from “unripe bananas; from bathless people; from a waist-line that slopes up in the front" but offers sensuous instructions on how to eat an olive, and enjoys porterhouse steaks and fudge she makes with brown sugar. It's quite a ride. Many recent reviewers pigeonhole her as an ahead-of-her-time Goth or emo, simply transcribing an eternal and universal teen angst.”

Q.E.D. - Gertrude Stein (1903) - Autobiographical short story about a love triangle between three women; Adele (Stein), Mabel, manipulative and wealthy, and Helen, who seduces Adele.

A Woman Appeared To Me - Renée Vivien (1904) / I have no idea how to explain this book other than it's all I ever wanted and it has an absolutely breathtaking prose. Think of The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde’s writing style and descriptions, the character's philosophy, and the queer toxic relationships in the book. Now make it lesbian and even more explicitly queer. Also I'm pretty sure the main characters want to fuck Sappho. On the second chapter the main characters + some side characters (all women + one guy) are having a discussion (a symposium of sorts) about how much they love sappho and how believing she married a man is stupid and how they don’t hate men, just really dislike them, and the guy says: "Mademoiselle, you are trying to hide from the irresistible seduction of the male. You will certainly finish your love-life in the arms of a man." And our main character being an icon finished the chapter answering him this: "That would be a crime against nature, sir. I have too much respect for our friend to believe her capable of an abnormal passion!". It’s so good. I have seen mixed opinions on this one, but I’m just gonna say: the girls than get it, get it. Everything by Renée Vivien is so good, but this is her only full novel I think (she also wrote poems and short stories). If you have to read only one book out of all the books in this post, let it be this one.

Zezé - Ángeles Vicente (1909) / Not translated (I think) but it’s the first lesbian novel written in Spanish which is pretty cool (even cooler than it was written by a woman who, in 1909 (or around it) divorced her husband and lived through her writing). The plot is basically, the narrator (the author) is on a ship and shares the cabin where she’s staying with another woman, Zezé, a cuplé singer, who tells her about her life (her childhood in a religious school, where she discovered her sexuality with had a relationship with another (female) student, her life in Madrid as an adult and living life as a woman, etc)

1910s

Despised & Rejected - Rose Allatini (1918) / A gay man and a lesbian are friends during WWI, which they are against (an anti-war novel). I think the book is in the perspective of the gay man, but his friend is also a main character.

The Scorpion - Anna Elisabet Weirauch (1919) / A review by a reader: “This book felt more like historical fiction than a novel actually written in 1919-1932, considering the explicitly lesbian relationships and coming of age and coming out style narrative. The story follows the life of Metta, a lesbian who grew up with a controlling family in Berlin. The narrative follows her from her first crush on her manipulative governess, to her first love the older and intelectual Olga, and her foray into the gay scene in Munich and beyond. The story isn't without suffering and it isn't just a love story despite how much you might want it to be. Definite trigger warnings for suicide (not Metta), poor mental health, homophobia and general cringe comments due to the time of writing. But the point of the book is for Metta to find a way to be, a way to live her life comfortably and happily, essentially to find herself.”

1920s

The Bacheloress - Victor Marqueritte (1922) / “Monique is an emancipated French woman who leaves home to escape a marriage of convenience to a man whom her parents have forced on her. She then succumbs to all sorts of carnal temptations including a lesbian love affair with a singer. The scandal provoked by Victor Margueritte's La Garçonne, here translated as The Bacheloress, led to its author having his legion d'honneur revoked, which only propelled this novel about a brazenly independent "new woman" to best-seller status. What was shocking then was not so much the reckless behavior of its heroine, who is depicted as the victim of psychological torment, but the portrait of the corrupt post-WWI society in which she lives. Authentic as Monique is, the types of love she encounters, set against the hostile and contemptuous portrayal of her peers, only amplifies her struggle.”

Yellow Rose - Nobuko Yoshiva (1923) / This is the only book than has been translated by this author, she was a lesbian who wrote Class-S romance (a Japanese book genre of the time, which focused on lesbian / homoerotic relationships between women [so-called romantic friendships], than usually take place in an all-girls boarding school). This specific story talks about a teacher-student relationship. She has other books, one called Yaneura no nishojo (two virgins in the attic) (1919) which isn’t translated, but sounds good, the story “is thought to be semi-autobiographical, and describes a female-female love experience with her dormmate. In the last scene, the two girls decide to live together as a couple. This work, in attacking male-oriented society, and showing two women as a couple after they have finished secondary education presents a strong feminist attitude, and also reveals Yoshiya's own lesbian sexual orientation”.

Freundinnen: ein Roman unter Frauen / Girlfriends: a Novel among Women - Maximiliane Ackers (1923) / Only in German, not translated. Review from an English reader: “This novel—which went through several editions in the 20s before being banned by the Nazis—is uncompromisingly, heartbreakingly queer. The novel tells the story of the love between two actresses in Wiemar Germany, Ruth and Erika. Both women struggle to support themselves on the stage, to live independently, and to come to terms with their love for each other and how they might live and express themselves and their desire.”

Surplus - Sylvia Stevenson (1924) / Review from a reader: “This book should be included in lists of seminal lesbian fiction. Published in 1924, Surplus is the story of Sally Wraith's young adult adventures after the end of WWI, during which period she served as an ambulance driver. The novel is not explicit and dos not detail a physical relationship between Sally and her romantic friend Averil but Sally refers to Averil as her "dream girl" with whom she wants to spend the rest of her life. This novel was published before Radclyffe Hall's Well of Loneliness , which is often hailed for its early negative portrayal of homophobia. But I find it compelling that Sally's love for Averil is not treated as deviant. It's just tragic for any babydyke to fall in love with a straight girl!”

The Captive - Eduard Bourdet (1926) / Theatre, “Irène is a lesbian tortured by her love for Madame d'Aiguines, but pretending engagement to Jacques (man). Though Irène attempts to leave Madame d'Aiguines and marry Jacques, she returns to the relationship, saying that it is "a prison to which I must return captive, despite myself". Madame d'Aiguines is not seen in the play, but leaves behind nosegays of violets for Irène, as a symbol of her love.” Read here

Women Lovers, or The Third Woman - Natalie Clifford Barney (1926) / “This long-lost novel recounts a passionate triangle of love and loss among three of the most daring women of belle époque Paris. In this barely disguised roman à clef, the legendary American heiress, writer, and arts patron Natalie Clifford Barney, the dashing Italian baroness Mimi Franchetti, and the beautiful French courtesan Liane de Pougy share erotic liaisons that break all taboos and end in devastation as one unexpectedly becomes the "third woman."

HERmione - H.D (1927) / “This autobiographical novel, an interior self-portrait of the poet H. D. (1886-1961) is what can best be described as a find, “a posthumous treasure”. In writing HERmione, H.D. returned to a year in her life that was peculiarly blighted. She was in her early twenties—a disappointment to her father, an odd duckling to her mother, an importunate, overgrown, unincarnated entity that had no place... Waves to fight against, to fight against alone... “I am Hermione Gart, a failure” —she cried in her dementia, “I am Her, Her, Her.” She had failed at Bryn Mawr, she felt hemmed in by her family, she did not yet know what she was going to do with her life. The return from Europe of the wild-haired George Lowndes (Ezra Pound) expanded her horizons but threatened her sense of self. An intense new friendship with Fayne Rabb (Frances Josepha Gregg), an odd girl who was, if not lesbian, then certainly of bisexual bent, brought an atmosphere that made her hold on everyday reality more tenuous. This stormy course led to mental breakdown, then to a turning point and a new beginning as her own true self, as Her"

Lucia Sánchez Saornil (1895 - 1970) / Spanish poet, putting her here because she’s part of generation ‘27. Read her Wikipedia page because she’s literally iconic (I can’t put the link here for some reason). I love her so much. She was an anarchist and very revolutionary. She wrote under a pen name to be able to explicitly write about women and lived with her partner (América Barroso) until she died. I haven’t been able to find an English translation of her writing, but I do have found a French one, so better than nothing

Dusty Answer - Rosamond Lehmann (1927) / Coming of age story of Judith Earle, sensitive, lonely, who grew up as an only child, but with 4 neighbors (all cousins) to make her company (and eventually harbor romantic feelings for). Then she moves to college, where she meets Jennifer and enters a relationship with her. Although the relationship is not explicitly romantic.

Ladies Almanack - Djuna Barnes (1928) / “Written as a medieval calendar, Ladies Almanack is a clever parody of the crazy sapphic circle of Natalie Barney and her Académie des Femmes. Sharp, biting, witty and transgressive, it is also a modern and pioneer in his vision of lesbianism and the issues surrounding relationships between women. The emotional endogamy, transvestism, motherhood, marriage or differences between sex and gender are already presented in the book with a charge of irony and acidity that is rare in the treatment of the topic. And it is also a breath of fresh air, an essential reference to know the world of lesbian women in all its breadth and diversity.”

1930s

The Angel and the Perverts - Lucie Delarue-Mardrus (around 1930) / "Set in the lesbian and gay circles of Paris in the 1920s, The Angel and the Perverts tells the story of a hermaphrodite born to upper class parents in Normandy and ignorant of his/her physical difference. As an adult, s/he lives a double life as Marion/Mario, passing undetected as a lesbian in the literary salons of the times, and as a gay man in the cocaine dens made famous by Colette." Technically not lesbian, but it’s “set in the lesbian cercles of Paris”

Broderie Anglaise - Violet Trefusis (1935) / Technically not a lesbian novel, but by a sapphic author. Do you know about Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West? Of course you do, everyone does. However, do you know than Violet Trefusis used to be Vita’s lover? They dated as teens and again as adults. There’s this whole gay toxic romantic circle between Violet, Vita, and Virginia. Violet wrote this book where she’s basically adding Vita, Virginia, and herself into the characters and dissing them. The plot centers on an encounter between Alexa, a celebrated English writer (Virginia), and her rival, Anne (Violet), and their discussion about their mutual lover, Lord Shorne (Vita).

Summer Will Show - Sylvia Townsend Warner (1936) / Sophia Willoughby's husband has a mistress who he cheats on her with. So she grabs him and packs him up to Paris with his mistress. She'll raise their children and he can have his mistress all day long if he wants, what she wants is to not see him. Sadly, her children die, and she goes to Paris, where she'll find her husband's mistress, and the two of them start an affair with eachother.

Diana: A Strange Autobiography - Diana Frederics (1939) / “«This is the unusual and compelling story of Diana, a tantalizingly beautiful woman who sought love in the strange by-paths of Lesbos. Fearless and outspoken, it dares to reveal that hidden world where perfumed caresses and half-whispered endearments constitute the forbidden fruits in a Garden of Eden where men are never accepted». This is how A Strange Autobiography was described when it was published in paperback in 1952. The original 1939 hardcover edition carried with it a Publisher's This is the autobiography of a woman who tried to be normal. In the book, Diana is presented as the unexceptional daughter of an unexceptional plutocratic family. During adolescence, she finds herself drawn with mysterious intensity to a girl friend. The narrative follows Diana's progress through college; a trial marriage that proves she is incapable of heterosexuality; intelectual and sexual education in Europe; and a series of lesbian relationships culminating in a final tormented triangular struggle with two other women for the individual salvation to be found in a happy couple.”

1940s

Nada - Carmen Laforet (1945) / ok fine, technically not explicitly lesbian, but the author is sapphic and the main character is such a lesbian. Set in post-civil war spain, Andrea, an 18 year old girl who just moved to Barcelona from her small town is starting university (studying literature). She lives with her mom’s side of the family that lives in the city, in a gothic horror-esque house that shows the decay of the family. Including great tragedy-filled characters and incredible prose, I enjoyed every single second of this. The title literally translates to “nothing” (there do is an English translation, it simply kept the og title). Andrea is an observer, a girl who feels so incredibly real, filled with dreams and doubts and love and loneliness. She becomes best friends with a girl from her class named Eda who she definitely has a crush on. She doesn’t date any man, is more, shows aversion to the idea, and there’s a moment in the book where she wishes she was “able to fall in love with him”. I mean c’mon. I loved every second of this it’s SO good please read it I beg you.

Hidden Path - Elena Fortún (somewhere around the 1940s) / Maria Luisa grows up on 1910s/1920s Spain. She is a peculiar girl, one who despises wearing dresses and wants to dress as a sailor, who could spend all day reading, who loves painting, and who swears she will never marry. Oh, and she's also a lesbian. Based on the author's life Maria Luisa is kind of the author's alter ego, and it follows her from childhood to adulthood while dealing with a world not created with people like her in mind. (Not published until 2016)

El Pensionado de Santa Casilda / The Boarding School of Saint Casilda - Elena Fortún (somewhere around the 1940s) / This book is not translated, but if you know spanish I recommend to pick it up. A group of 14/15 year old girls who go to the same spanish all-girls boarding school, and they are all in love with each other. It follows them into adulthood and how they navigate their lives being women and lesbians in the past (Not published until 2022). Messy lesbians at its finest. Like, seriously. Lesbians still in love with their ex and not over their first love, dating their friends and their ex friend, and the ex of their friend, and having sugar mommies, etc etc

1960s

Winter Love - Han Suyin (1962) / “As a college student in London during the bitterly cold winter of 1944, Red falls in love with her married classmate Mara. Their affair unleashes a physical passion, a jealousy, and a sense of self-doubt that sweep all her previous experiences aside and will leave her changed forever. Set against the rubble of the bombed city, in a time of gray austerity and deprivation, Winter Love recalls a life at its most vivid.”

The Chinese Garden - Rosemary Manning (1962) / “A "very intelligent, sensitive, and compelling" novel of adolescent rebellion and sexual awakening at a girls' boarding school (Anthony Burgess). Set in a repressive British girls' boarding school in the late 1920s—where not only sexuality but femininity is squashed—the novel is the coming-of-age story of sixteen-year-old Rachel, a sensitive, bright, and innocent student. Rachel finds refuge from the Spartan conditions, strict regime, fierce discipline, and formidable headmistress at Bampfield in a secret garden. She also finds friendship there, with a rebellious girl named Margaret. As Margaret has her mind expanded by a scandalous tome entitled The Well of Loneliness, she engages in a bold, forbidden act—the ultimate transgression at Bampfield—and Rachel is drawn into the turmoil. Confronted with the persecution of her friend and troubled by a growing awareness of her own sensuality, Rachel faces an imposible choice that drives her to desperate measures.”

The Microcosm - Maureen Duffy (1966) / “At the House of Shades, Matt, a bar-room philosopher, tries to make sense of the disparate lives which cross here -- of Judy who saves herself and her finery for a Saturday night lover, of Steve the gym teacher who dreads a chance encounter with a pupil in this twilight environment, and of Matt herself, who needs these vicarious exchanges despite the security of her relationship with Rae and her sense that this lesbian sanctuary is a prison too, enforcing the guilt and estrangement of the city streets beyond. Elsewhere there are women such as Marie, trapped within an unwanted marriage and unable to admit her sexuality, and Cathy, for whom the discovery that she is not 'the only one in the world' is an affirmation of her existence. With its innovative structure and style, perfectly mirroring the voices and experiences of women forced by society to live on the margins, The Microcosm remains as powerful today as when originally published in 1966.”

A Place For Us / Patience & Sarah - Isabel Miller (1969) / First named A Place For Us, then changed to Patience & Sarah. Not necessarily obscure, but no one ever talks about it. Based on a real life story, “In the early nineteenth century, in a puritanical New England town, two women fall in love. With no one to guide or support them, Patience and Sarah try to follow their hearts. Defying society and history, they buy a farm and discover they can live together, away from the world that had sought to limit them and their love…”

1970s

Beginning with O - Olga Broumas (1977) / A poetry collection by a lesbian, greek writer.

The Same Sea as Every Summer - Esther Tusquets (1978) / A stream-of-consciousness type book, by an author who has been compared to Virginia Woolf. “Poetic and erotic, El mismo mar de todos los veranos ( The Same Sea As Every Summer ) was originally published in Spain in 1978, three years after the death of Franco and in the same year that government censorship was abolished. But even in a new era that fostered more liberal attitudes toward divorce, homosexuality, and women's rights, this novel by Esther Tusquets was controversial. Its feminine view of sexuality (in particular, its depiction of a lesbian relationship) was unprecedented in Spanish fiction. The disillusioned narrator of The Same Sea As Every Summer is a middle-aged woman whose unhappy life prompts a journey into she past to rediscover a more authentic self. However, events force her to realize that love or trust will inevitably be repaid by betrayal. This pattern assumes various forms in a story that moves forward as well as backward, playing out in Barcelona among the haute bourgeoisie. Richly textured with allusion, The Same Sea As Every Summer is also a commentary on post-Civil War Spanish society by an author who grew up during the repressive Franco regime.”

Así es: Mi vida 3 - Victorina Durán (somewhere in the late 1970s) / So, not translated but has great historical value. Basically, this is the third book out of Victorina’s memories that she wrote in the 70s. Victorina (1899 - 1993) was so cool. She was an icon. She was a sceneographer, a painter, a costume designer, writer (aside from her memories, she has some theatre plays), etc. She actually wanted to be an actress. She was part of the Círculo Sáfico de Madrid (the sapphic club of Madrid, a club made out of her and her friends, who were sapphic) among others. She never hid her sexuality. She was friends with almost all the importante well known people in 1920s / 1930s Spain. This book is the third one out of her memories, and it’s focused explicitly on her relationships (all with women). She said she wanted to focus on them and give them a book of their own, so this is of great historical value, giving insights into the queer spaces, lesbian scene, wlw relationships and being gay at that time. I need to read it so bad if someone has a pdf please tell me I’ll send them my fanfic wips

1980s

On Strike against God - Joanna Russ (1980) / “A lost feminist masterwork by feminist and speculative fiction icon, Joanna Russ, about a young lesbian's coming-to-consciousness during the social upheaval of the 1970s. When Esther, a recently divorced professor, has her first lesbian love affair, the fallout brings her everyday miseries into focus and precipitates a personal crisis. She flees her small, upstate New York college town, grapples with gender confusion and the ghosts of therapists past, and fumbles her way through comedic sexual self-discovery, oscillating all the while between visionary confidence and debilitating self-doubt. Confronted with the homophobia of straight feminists and the misogyny of gay men, Esther is left to forge a language for her feminism and her burgeoning lesbian desire. On Strike Against God is quintessentially experimental but accesible, alternately wry and earnest, poignantly didactic, playful, and emotionally charged.” From a review: “For anyone like me who's unfamiliar with the quote which inspired the title: A judge was sentencing a picketer from the early twentieth century shirtwaist-makers strike (the first large scale strike by women), and he told her, "You are striking against God and Nature, whose law is that man shall earn his bread by the sweat of his brow. You are on strike against God!"

Faultline - Sheila Ortiz Taylor (1982) / “An outrageous, zesty, funny Lesbian novel; the adventures of a Lesbian mother with six children, three hundred rabbits, and very relaxed attitude."

The Swashbuckler - Lee Lynch (1985) / "Frenchy Tonneau leaves her closeted home in the Bronx for the bars of New York City, the freedom of Provincetown, and the liberation of Greenwich Village in the 1960s and 1970s. Her hangouts, her women, her small yet universal world tell the stories of the times - and the stories of lesbians today. A timeless journey and a riveting read, The Swashbuckler is heart-wrenching, heartwarming, and unforgettable." Butch main character, lesbian life in the 60s/70s, lesbian-feminism, butchfemme, etc.

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café - Fannie Flagg (1987) / listen, LISTEN, I know this book is not obscure, absolutely not given it even has a movie adaptation, but people do not give this book the love it deserves. I'm constantly thinking about Idgie and Ruth, they are one of my favorite fictional couples ever, and also my favorite lesbian fictional couple. They are such interesting characters with such an interesting dynamic and I just love them so so much. A femmebutch couple in 1920s Alabama, who go through many hardships but still find eachother, still end together, and even have a restaurant, live together, and raise a kid. And not only them, but the book is made out of 4 main characters (or 3 depends on if you see Ninny as a main character or not), Idgie, Ruth, and Ninny and Evelyn. Evelyn, an 80s depressed housewife in her 40s finds solace and a true friend in Ninny, a 90 year old woman staying at a nursing home (not ‘cause she needs it, but to keep a friend company). Ninny tells her the story of Idgie (her, kind of, sister) and Ruth, her best friend and lover. Evelyn finds feminism and hope through the memories, getting inspired by Idgie and Ruth's story and becoming happier in her life. It has several points of views and it jumps between years (first 1980s, then 1920s, then 1940s, then 1980s again, etc) and it also talks a lot about racism in 1920s Alabama, and i'll just stop because I love this book so much and i could go on forever. Oh, and also they murder a man and feed him to a police officer.

Lovers' choice - Becky Birtha (1987) / A collection of eleven short stories about lesbian women.

1990s

Out Of Time - Paula Martinac (1990) / Susan finds an old photograph album with pictures from the 1920s, all pictures being of a group of women (four in total). She's told it's not for sale, but she steals it anyway. After some digging, she finds out than two of the girls from the photos were lovers! And not only is Susan trying to navigate the details of her life and of her relationship with her own girlfriend, but she obsesses over the women in the picture, and eventually, the spirits of the girls start to haunt her.

The Gilda Stories - Jewele Gomez (1991) / Gilda escaped from slavery in the 1850s, until she's taken by a vampire who (consensually) turns her into a vampire too. Gilda moves through the decades finding community and connections and helping people, and slowly builds a place for herself in time. (Fine, not actually obscure since I’ve seen it all around the internet, but it just sounds so good)

The Dyke and the Dybbuk - Ellen Galford (1993) / “Dybbuk Kokos, a feisty soul-stealing demon of medieval Jewish folklore, has been trapped in a tree for two hundred years. When lightning strikes and Kokos is released, she finds herself in the world of the 20th century -- as the disgruntled employee of the multinational corporation, Mephistco. In order to keep her job and fulfill an ancient curse, Kokos must hunt down the descendant of the woman she was instructed to haunt centuries ago. No easy task, as that descendant happens to be Rainbow Rosenbloom -- London taxi-driver, film critic, lesbian, and niece to a pack of formidable aunts. As the hilarious tale unfolds, both Rainbow and her dybbuk discover that History still holds a few tricks up her sleeve.”

Annabel and I - Chris Anne Wolfe (1996) / Plot summed up by a reader: “Half-orphaned Jenny-Wren spends her summers at her uncle Jake's fishing lodge on Lake Chautauqua. One summer day when she's twelve years old while boating with her uncle, she finds a girl on the end of a dock reaching futilely for her escaped model boat. Jenny swims over and rescues the boat, meeting the orphaned Annabel, spending her summers at her grandmother's summer estate. This begins a friendship that endures and grows for years as the two girls spent each summer together, only to be separated at the end of summer. As the two grow older, they realize a magic is at work that keeps bringing them together, despite the near century between them. As the summers come and go, the two young women discover their love for each other, and the realization that their love is imposible. Can their love persist beyond those fleeting summers and flourish, in the face of time?”. Review from a reader: “The foreword says this book is for all wlw, and that, "Because there are as many different ways to love a woman as there are women who love women; it's the loving, not the label, that really matters." That really captured the core of what this book does, it treasures the love we create with our bare hands for and with another woman.” A time travel romance (Jenny is from the 1980s, Annabel from 1890s)

Ain't Gonna Be the Same Fool Twice - April Sinclair (1996) / Bisexual mc. “Jean "Stevie" Stevenson, the indomitable heroine of "Coffee Will Make You Black," is back—somewhat older and wiser, with some experience and a college degree -- diving headfirst into the hot tub, free love, yoga, and vegetarian lifestyle of 1970s San Francisco. In this liberating new world of raised consciousness, mind-expanding, and disco-dancing, a soul sister with passion and daring has room to experiment with life and love to find out who she "really" is.”

Beyond the Pale - Elana Dykewomon (1997) / “The story of two Jewish women living through times of darkness and inhumanity in the early 20th century, capturing their undaunted love and courage in luminous and moving prose. The richly textured novel details Gutke Gurvich's odyssey from her apprenticeship as a midwife in a Russian shtetl to her work in the suffrage movement in New York. Interwoven with her tale is that Chava Meyer, who was attended by Gurvich at her birth and grew up to survive the pogrom that took the lives of her parents. Throughout the book, historical background plays a large part: Jewish faith and traditions, the practice of midwifery, the horrific conditions in prerevolutionary Russia and New York sweatshops, and the determined work of labor unionists and suffragists." While it is a romance, it's also more than that, it's about the life of Jewish women in the 20th century.

Crystal Diary - Frankie Hucklenbroich (1997) / “Frankie Hucklenbroich's razor-edged, compelling, often wryly humorous story hustles us from the blood-and-beer-drenched corners of her St. Louis meat-packing district '50s youth, through the sex-soaked Hollywood alleys of her '60s baby butch years, into the druggy metropolis of '70s San Francisco. Moving relentlessly from one woman to another until faces and bodies blur, scamming her existence, learning what the street has to how to make a buck, how to make it with a woman, how to court the dangers of crystal meth, how to survive.”

Hers 3 - Terry Wolverton (1999) / Short stories

2000s

Valencia - Michelle Tea (2000) / "Valencia is the fast-paced account of one girl's search for love and high times in the drama-filled dyke world of San Francisco's Mission District. Through a string of narrative moments, Tea records a year lived in a world of girls: there's knife-wielding Marta, who introduces Michelle to a new world of radical sex; Willa, Michelle's tormented poet-girlfriend; Iris, the beautiful boy-dyke who ran away from the South in a dust cloud of drama; and Iris's ex, Magdalena Squalor, to whom Michelle turns when Iris breaks her heart."

Naked in the Promised Land: A Memoir - Lillian Faderman (2003) / “Born in 1940, Lillian Faderman is the only child of an uneducated and unmarried Jewish woman who left Latvia to seek a better life in America. Lillian grew up in poverty, but fantasised about becoming an actress. When her dreams led to the dangerous, seductive world of the sex trade and sham-marriages in Hollywood of the fifties, she realised she was attracted to women, and that show-biz is as cruel as they say. Desperately seeking to make her life meaningful, she studied at Berkeley; paying her way by working as a pin-up model and burlesque dancer, hiding her lesbian affairs from the outside world. At last she became a brilliant student and the woman who becomes a loving partner, a devoted mother, an acclaimed writer and ground-breaking pioneer of gay and lesbian scholarship. Told with wrenching immediacy and great power, Naked in the Promised Land is the story of an exceptional woman and her remarkable, unorthodox life.”

Her Naked Skin - Rebecca Lenkiewicz (2008) / Theatre. “Militancy in the Suffragette Movement is at its height. Thousands of women of all classes serve time in Holloway Prison in their fight to gain the vote. Amongst them is Lady Celia Cain who feels trapped by both the policies of the day and the shackles of a frustrating marriage. Inside, she meets a young seamstress, Eve Douglas, and her life spirals into an erotic but dangerous chaos. London 1913. A crucial moment when, with emancipation almost in sight, women refuse to let the establishment stand in their way.”

The Rain Before it Falls - Jonathan Coe (2008) / “A story of three generations of women whose destinies reach from the English countryside in World War Il to London, Toronto, and southern France at the turn of the new century. Evacuated to Shropshire during the Blitz, eight-year-old Rosamond forged a bond with her cousin Beatrix that augured the most treasured and devastating moments of her life. She recorded these memories sixty years later, just before her death, on cassettes she bequeathed to a woman she hadn't seen in decades. When her beloved niece, Gill, plays the tapes in hopes of locating this unwitting heir, she instead hears a family saga swathed in promise and the story of how Beatrix, starved of her mother's affection, conceived a fraught bloodline that culminated in heart-stopping tragedy—its chief victim being her own granddaughter. And as Rosamond explores the ties that bound these generations together and shaped her experience all along, Gill grows increasingly haunted by how profoundly her own recollections--not to mention the love she feels for her grown daughters, listening alongside her-- are linked to generations of women she never knew. A stirring, masterful portrait of motherhood and family secrets, "The Rain Before It Falls" is also a meditation on the tapestries we weave out of the past, whether transcendent or horrific.”

2010s

When We Were Outlaws - Jeanne Cordova (2011) / "A sweeping memoir, a raw and intimate chronicle of a young activist torn between conflicting personal longings and political goals. When We Were Outlaws offers a rare view of the life of a radical lesbian during the early cultural struggle for gay rights, Women's Liberation, and the New Left of the 1970s. Brash and ambitious, activist Jeanne Cordova is living with one woman and falling in love with another, but her passionate beliefs tell her that her first duty is "to the revolution".—to change the world and end discrimination against gays and lesbians."

Call Me Esteban - Leila Kalamuié (2015) / “With unapologetic vividness, Lejla Kalamujic depicts pre- and post-war Sarajevo by charting a daughter coping with losing her mother, but discovering herself. From imagined conversations with Franz Kafka to cozy apartments, psychiatric wards, and cemeteries, Call Me Esteban is a piercing meditation on a woman grasping at memories in the name of claiming her identity.”

Lancelot: Her Story - Carol Anne Douglas (2015) / Arthurian legend retelling! "A young girl sees a man rape and murder her mother. She grabs a stick and puts out his eye. Her father raises her as a boy so she will be safe from men's attacks. She practices and practices until she becomes a great fighter - Lancelot. She wants to protect women—and she does. Lancelot hears about King Arthur, a just king across the sea, and journeys to earn a place at Camelot. She vows to serve him. but fears that Arthur and his men will discover that she is a woman and send her away. Lancelot is shocked to realize that she is falling in love with the king's wife, Guinevere. Guinevere is a strong woman who would have preferred to be queen in her own right, not through marriage. Saxons attack Arthur's kingdom, and Lancelot finds out that fighting a war is far different from saving women in single combat. The savagery of war devastates her, she is living a lie, but she is also deeply in love…”

Jigsaw Youth - Tiffany Scandal (2015) / “Lose your best friend because you finally Came Out. Spend days driving aimlessly because there's nothing to do. Serve your rapist breakfast because you need your job. Fall asleep to gunshots and sirens because that's the only sense of home you've ever known. Hold hands with ghosts. Your life is in pieces, but you can't be broken. Wipe off the blood. Tired of being told who to be, what to wear, how to act and who to fuck. Break the rules and learn fast how to never get caught. All you need is nothing, but you're happy with your car, guitar and camera. Throwing around polaroids of tits like they're money, you swap stories about adventures and realize that we're all running away from something.”

Creatures of Will & Temper - Molly Tanzer (2017) / Recommended as a sapphic picture of dorian gray retelling, it tells the story of Dorina (hedonistic, art lover, and woman-kisser), her older sister Evadne (fencer and responsable), Lady Henrietta (suit-wearing, cigar-smoking lesbian who is a horrible influence), and Basil, Dorina and Evadne's uncle, and who's character has not changed much. They also summon demons.

The Adventures of China Iron - Gabriela Cabezón Cámara (2017) / “1872. The pampas of Argentina. China is a young woman eking out an existence in a remote gaucho encampment. After her no-good husband is conscripted into the army, China bolts for freedom, setting off on a wagon journey through the pampas in the company of her new-found friend Liz, a settler from Scotland. While Liz provides China with a sentimental education and schools her in the nefarious ways of the British Empire, their eyes are opened to the wonders of Argentina's richly diverse flora and fauna, cultures and languages, as well as to the ruthless violence involved in nation-building. This subversive retelling of Argentina's foundational gaucho epic Martín Fierro is a celebration of the colour and movement of the living world, the open road, love and sex, and the dream of lasting freedom. With humour and sophistication, Gabriela Cabezón Cámara has created a joyful, hallucinatory novel that is also an incisive critique of national myths.”

2020s

Thirst - Marina Yuszczuk (2020) / “Across two different time periods, two women confront fear, loneliness, mortality, and a haunting yearning that will not let them rest. It is the twilight of Europe's bloody bacchanals, of murder and feasting without end. In the nineteenth century, a vampire arrives from Europe to the coast of Buenos Aires and, for the second time in her life, watches as villages transform into a cosmopolitan city, one that will soon be ravaged by yellow fever. She must adapt, intermingle with humans, and be discreet. In present-day Buenos Aires, a woman finds herself at an impasse as she grapples with her mother's terminal illness and her own relationship with motherhood. When she first encounters the vampire in a cemetery, something ignites within the two women-and they cross a threshold from which there's no turning back. With echoes of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and written in the vein of feminist Gothic writers like Shirley Jackson, Daphne du Maurier, and Carmen Maria Machado, Thirst plays with the boundaries of genre while exploring the limits of female agency, the consuming power of desire, and the fragile vitality of even the most immortal of creatures.” Lesbian vampires!

The Lives We Left Behind - Olivia Bratherton-Wilson (2021) / I read this one so long ago and I don’t remember everything with detail, just than I really liked it. “1943. Seventeen-year-old Dorotea Miller is given the responsibility of managing the family farm when her father and brother are conscripted, leaving her with only her distant mother and the unfamiliar Land Girls for company. Angeline Carter and her four younger brothers are evacuated to the Welsh countryside to escape the bombings; the Miller farm is nothing like they've seen before and certainly more than Angeline bargained for when she meets the surly, unwelcoming farmer's daughter. Despite their rocky start, misunderstandings and tragedies, Dorothea and Angeline realise that their friendship may run deeper than either of them had prepared for.” There is also a sequel! That one I haven’t read tho.

Agatha of Little Neon - Claire Luchette (2021) / "Agatha has lived every day of the last nine years with her sisters (the other nuns) : they work together, laugh together, pray together. Their world is contained within the little house they share. The four of them are devoted to Mother Roberta and to their quiet, purposeful life. But when the parish goes broke, the sisters are forced to move. They land in Woonsocket, a formermill town now dotted with wind turbines. […] Agatha is forced to venture out into the world alone, to teach math at a local all-girls high school, where for the first time in years she will have to reckon with what she sees and feels all on her own. Who will she be if she isn't with her sisters? These women, the church, have been her home--or has she just been hiding? […] It is a novel about female friendship and devotion, the roles made available to us, and how we become ourselves." Lesbian nuns

Burning Butch - R/B Mertz (2022) / A butch lesbian memoir of their life growing up catholic and surviving in the world, while dealing with faith and what it shape it takes to them.

London on My Mind - Clara Alves (2022) / So, the English translation just came out! Funny thing is, I started this in 2022 even tho I don’t know Portuguese (translating paragraph by paragraph with google translate) and it was pretty good. I haven’t finished it (translating a whole book with google translate is definitely work) but I’m so ready to read it now that it’s translated. Dayana (seventeen, black, plus size, and Brazilian) is forced to move to London with her father (who abandoned her mother and her) and his new family after her mother died. She’s having a pretty horrible time, until, on a walk, finds a redhead girl… escaping Buckingham Palace?? So of course, she helps her escape. Who exactly is this girl? Why was she escaping?? The answer, her name is Diana and she’s sort of (super) the princess of Wales. Huh.

Helen House - Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya (2022) / “Right before meeting her girlfriend Amber's parents for the first time, the unnamed narrator of Helen House learns that she and her partner share a similar both of their sisters are dead. As the narrator wonders what else Amber has been hiding, she struggles with her own secret--using sex as a coping mechanism--as well as confusion and guilt over whether she really cares about Amber, or if she's only using her for sex. When they arrive at the parents' rural upstate home, a quaint but awkward first meeting unravels into a nightmare in which the narrator finds herself stranded in a family's decades-long mourning ritual. At turns terrifying and erotic, Helen House is a queer ghost story about trauma and grief.”

Promises in Pompeii - Violet Morley (2022) / Set in Ancient Rome, it tells the story of two girls, Octavia and Helvia, childhood friends, and their journey through life as women and through their feelings. In the author ig, she said it includes: adventure/survival, against the odds, brothels, butch/femme, coming of age, disguised as a man, first love, friends to lovers, opposites attract, etc. I’m currently reading it, and I really like it so far.

Nettleblack - Nat Reeve (2022) / “Subversive and playful, Nettleblack is a neo-Victorian queer farce that follows a runaway heir/ess and an organisation of crime-fighting misfits as they struggle with the misdeeds besieging a rural English town. The year is 1893. Having run away from her family home to escape an arranged marriage, Welsh heiress Henrietta “Henry” Nettleblack finds herself ambushed, robbed, and then saved by the mysterious Dallyangle Division - part detective agency, part neighbourhood watch. Desperate to hide from her older sisters, Henry disguises herself and enlists. But the Division soon finds itself under siege from a spate of crimes and must fight for its very survival. Assailed by strange feelings for her new colleague - the tomboyish, moody Septimus - Henry quickly sees that she's lost in a small rural town with surprisingly big problems. And to make things worse, sinister forces threaten to expose her as the missing Nettleblack sister. As the net starts to close around Henry, the new people in her life seem to offer her a way out, and a way forward. Is the world she's lost in also a place she can find herself? Told through journal entries and letters, Nettleblack is a picaresque ride through the perils and joys of finding your place in the world, challenging myths about queerness - particularly transness - as a modern phenomenon, while exploring the practicalities of articulating queer perspectives when you're struggling for words.”

Sunburn - Chloe Michelle (2023) / In Ireland, the early 1990s, Lucy feels out of place in her small town. She falls in love with her best friend and she has to find a way to find herself, make a meaning out of her feelings, and hide the truth from her conservative small town and religious peers.

Lucky Red - Claudia Cravens (2023) / "A vibrant and cinematic debut set in the American West about a scrappy orphan who finds friendship, romance, and her true calling as a revenge-seeking gunslinger." Lesbian cowboys

Neon Roses - Rachel Dawson (2023) / “Eluned Hughes is stuck. It's 1984 in a valley in south Wales: the miners' strike is ravaging her community; her sister's swanned off with a Thatcherite policeman; and her boyfriend Lloyd keeps bringing up marriage. And if they play '99 Red Balloons' on the radio one more time, she might just lose her mind. Then the fundraising group Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners comes down from London, and she meets June, a snaggle-toothed blonde in a too-big leather jacket. Suddenly, Eluned isn't stuck any more - she's in freefall. June's an artist and an activist, living in a squat in Camden. With June, Eluned can imagine a completely different - and exciting - life for herself. But as her family struggles with the strike, and her relationship with her sister deteriorates, should she really leave it all behind? From the Valleys to the nightclubs of Cardiff, London and Manchester, NEON ROSES is a heartwarming, funny and a little bit filthy queer coming-of-age story with a cracking '80s soundtrack.”

Tale of Three Ships - Darcia G. Laucerica (2023) / “In a world under the thumb of an empire, pirates sail away searching for a breath of freedom. But even the ocean is tainted by the powerful nation that has spread lies about women being bad luck at sea. Glenlivet has never cared about the fear-mongering. Her ship welcomes those who are rejected and need a home. For all the sailor' s superstitions and "codes" of piracy the captain mocks every day, not leaving the docks when it's dark is a personal boundary she swears by ever since acquiring The Outsider about eight years ago. She just might have to break her own rules to protect her crew, escape the claws of a king who wants her dead, and murder the man who raised her.” I’ve heard so many good things about this. Lesbian main character, with mlm and trans side characters. Author in social media said it includes: Chosen pirate family, sirens, indigenous and latine inspired characters, anti-colonialism, and people fighting injustice and abuse.

How to Breathe Ash - Alex Nonymous (2023) / “Eleanor Perrault doesn't know if there's a right way to handle being suddenly orphaned at sixteen, but it's definitely not the way that she's been coping with it. It's been two months since her parents died and despite her autism normally causing her to be even more emotionally volatile than most of her peers, she still hasn't even managed to cry over them yet. On top of trying to learn how to grieve properly, Eleanor's juggling starting a new semester in a new town with an aunt who seems eternally disappointed in her and a cousin who's randomly decided to start hating her. And a crush on the incredibly pretty president of her new school's QSA. How to Breathe Ash is a contemporary YA Cinderella retelling following Eleanor through elaborate dances, anonymous chat rooms, and learning the right way to not be alright.” Autistic mc! While I haven’t read anything from this author (yet) they have lots of wlw/nblw/nblnb books with autistic main characters.

War and Solace: A Tale from Norvegr - Edale Lane (2023) / “A battle-hardened shieldmaiden. A pacifist healer. Can the two find love amid the chaos of war? From Edale Lane, the award-winning, best-selling author of Sigrid & Elyn, comes a new Tale from Norgevr! Tyrdis is a stalwart warrior raised to value honor, courage, and military prowess. When a traumatic injury renders the powerful protector helpless, she depends on the lovely, tender-hearted Adelle to restore her from the brink of death. Is it merely gratitude or true love that draws Tyrdis to the healer? Defying cultural norms, Adelle despises violence and those who propagate it, but when her shieldmaiden patient saves the life of her beloved little girl, she must reexamine her values. Could Tyrdis be more than a stiff, efficient killer with an amazing body? In a kingdom steeped in conflict with their neighbors and internal strife, shocking secrets are revealed, and both women strive to ensure justice prevails. Can they overcome their differences to safeguard their friends, end the war, and fall in love, or will fate prove to be a cruel sovereign?” Historical fiction set during 643. The author also has another two sapphic books set in the same time period.

Maddalena and the Dark - Julia Fine (2023) / “A novel set in 18th-century Venice at a prestigious music school, about two girls drawn together by a dangerous wager Venice, 1717. Fifteen-year-old Luisa has only wanted one thing: to be the best at violin. As a student at the Ospedale della Pietà, she hopes to join the highest ranks of its illustrious girls' orchestra and become a protégé of the great Antonio Vivaldi. Luisa is good at violin, but she is not the best. She has peers, but she does not have friends. Until Maddalena. After a scandal threatens her noble family's reputation, Maddalena is sent to the Pietà to preserve her marriage prospects. When she meets Luisa, Maddalena feels the stirrings of a friendship unlike anything she has known. But Maddalena has a secret: she has hatched a dangerous plot to rescue her future her own way. When she invites Luisa into her plans, promising to make her dreams come true, Luisa doesn't hesitate. But every wager has its price, and as the girls are drawn into the decadent world outside the Pietà's walls, they must decide what it is they truly want—and what they will do to pay for it. Lush and heady, swirling with music and magic, Maddalena and the Dark is a Venetian fairytale about the friendship between two girls and the boundless desire that will set them free, if it doesn't consume them first.”

Greasepaint - Hannah Levene (2024) / “Set against a backdrop of 1950s New York, this experimental novel follows an ensemble cast of all-singing, all-dancing butch dykes and Yiddish anarchists through eternal Friday nights, around the table, and at the bar. In one of many bars, Frankie Gold sings while Sammy Silver plays piano after a day job at the anarchist newspaper. The Butch Piano Players Union meets in the corner next to the jukebox. Laur smokes on the back steps, sweaty thigh to thigh with Vic. Frankie's childhood sweetheart, Lily, turns up at yet another bar to see a second Sammy play every Friday night. And before all that, there's always dinner at Marg's. Fabulated out of oral histories, anthologies, as well as the fiction of the butch-femme bar scene and Yiddish anarchist tradition, Greasepaint is a rollicking whirlwind of music and politics- the currents of community embodied and held inside the bar.”

Perfume & Pain - Anna Dorn (2024) / “A controversial Los Angeles author attempts to revive her career and finally find true love in this hilarious nod to 1950s lesbian pulp fiction. Having recently moved both herself and her formidable perfume bottle collection into a tiny bungalow in Los Angeles, mid-list author Astrid Dahl finds herself back in the Zoom writer's group she cofounded, Sapphic Scribes, after an incident that leaves her and her career lightly canceled. But she temporarily forgets all that by throwing herself into a few sexy distractions—like Ivy, a grad student who smells like metallic orchids and is researching 1950s lesbian pulp, or her new neighbor, Penelope, who smells like patchouli. When Astrid receives an unexpected call from her agent with the news that actress and influencer Kat Gold wants to adapt her previous novel for TV, Astrid finally has a chance to resurrect her waning career. But the pressure causes Astrid's worst vice to rear its head—the Patricia Highsmith, a blend of Adderall, alcohol, and cigarettes-and results in blackouts and a disturbing series of events. Unapologetically feminine yet ribald, steamy yet hilarious, Anna Dorn has crafted an exquisite homage to the lesbian pulp of yore, reclaiming it for our internet—and celebrity-obsessed world”

How It Works Out - Myriam Lacroix (2024) / “Surreal, darkly comic and achingly tender, Myriam Lacroix's debut sees a queer love story play out in many alternate realities. What if you had the chance to rewrite the course of your relationship, again and again, in the hopes that it would work out? After Myriam and Allison fall in love at a show in run-down punk house, their relationship starts to unfold through a series of hypotheticals. What if they became mothers by finding a baby in an alley? What if the only cure for Myriam's depression was Allison's flesh? What if they were B-list celebrities, famous for writing a book about building healthy lesbian relationships? How much darker-or sexier-would their dynamic be if one were a power-hungry CEO, and the other her lowly employee? From the fantasies of early romance to the slow encroaching of violence that unravels the fantasy, each reality builds to complete a brilliant, painfully funny portrait of love's many promises and perils. Equal parts sexy and profane, unsentimental, and gut-wrenching, How It Works Out is a formally inventive, arresting, uncanny exploration of queerness, love, and our drive for connection, in any and all possible worlds.”

All the Painted Stars - Emma Denny (@a-kind-of-merry-war) (2024) / “Oxfordshire 1362. When Lily Barden discovers her best friend Johanna's hand in marriage is being awarded as the main prize at a tournament, she is determined to stop it. Disguised as a knight, she infiltrates the contest, preparing to fight for Jo's hand. But her conduct ruffles feathers, and when a dangerous incident escalates out of Lily's control, Jo must help her escape. Finding safety with a local brewster, Lily and Jo soon settle into their new freedom, and amongst blackberry bushes and lakeside walks an unexpected relationship blossoms. But when Jo's past caches up with her and Lily's reckless behaviour threatens their newfound happiness, both women realise that choices must always come at a cost. The question they need to ask is if the cost is worth the price of love…” The cover of the edition coming out in November is SO pretty and lately I’ve been looking for medieval sapphic books like crazy.

Gentlest of Wild Things - Sarah Underwood (2024) / So this book is by the same author as Lies We Sing to the Sea, and I’m in no rush to read that book (a so-called odyssey retelling even tho the author has admitted to never actually reading the odyssey??) but this one looks compelling. “On the island of Zakynthos, nothing is more powerful than Desire-love itself, bottled and sold to the highest bidder by Leandros, a power-hungry descendent of the god Eros. Eirene and her beloved twin sister, Phoebe, have always managed to escape Desire's thrall. Until Leandros' wife dies mysteriously and he sets his sights on Phoebe. Determined to keep her sister safe, Eirene strikes a bargain with Leandros: if she can complete the four elaborate tasks he sets her, he will find another bride. But it soon becomes clear that the tasks are part of something bigger; something related to Desire and Lamia, the strange, neglected daughter Leandros keeps locked away. Lamia knows her father hides her for her own protection, though as she and Eirene grow closer, she finds herself longing for the outside world. But the price of freedom is high, and with something deadly-something hungry- stalking the night, that price must be paid in blood…” The author said that “Gentlest of Wild Things is a sapphic vampiric twist on the story of Eros and Psyche”

The End Crowns All - Bea Fitzgerald (2024) / “Princess. Priestess. The most beautiful girl in Troy. Casandra is used to being adored - and when her patron god, Apollo, offers her the power of prophecy, she sees an opportunity to rise even higher. But when she fails to uphold her end of the agreement, she discovers just how very far she has to fall. No one believes her visions. And they all seem to be of one girl - and the war she's going to bring to Troy's shores. Helen fled Sparta in pursuit of love, but it's soon clear Troy is a court like any other, with all its politics and backstabbing. And one princess seems particularly intent on driving her from the city before disaster can strike... But when war finally comes, it's more than the army at their walls they must contend with. Casandra and Helen might hold the key to reweaving fate itself - especially with the prophetic strands drawing them ever closer together. But how do you change your future when the gods themselves are dictating your demise?” Sapphic retelling of the iliad where Helen and Kassandra end up together

Idolfire - Grace Curtis (2025, March 11) / “An epic sapphic fantasy roadtrip inspired by the fall of Rome, from the Sunday Times bestselling author of Frontier and Floating Hotel On one side of the world, Aleya Ana-Ulai is desperate for a chance. Her family have written her off as a mistake, but she's determined to prove every last one of them wrong. On the other, Kirby of Wall's End is searching for redemption. An ancient curse tore her life apart, but to fix it, she'll have to leave everything behind. Fate sets them both on the path to Nivela, a city once poised to conquer the world with the power of a thousand stolen gods. Now the gates are closed and the old magic slumbers. Dead - or waiting for a spark to light it anew... A character-driven science-fantasy road trip book with sword fights and a slowburn romance, Idolfire delves into the vastness of history and the terrifying power of organized faith.”

If asked, I’ll also do one with gay books

(No 1950s lesbians because I don’t like pulp fiction :( )

[thewinter-eden]

Blood Sugar Virus (30)

CHAPTER THIRTY

Genre: Horror, zombies, strangers to lovers, angst, suspense, slow burn Pairing: Kang Yeosang x female!reader Warnings: based on the Wanteez Zombie episode, zombies, language, discussion of parasites, gore, angst, heavy topics, suggestive content

Story Summary: You (stage name Sugar) are the co-captain of a horror acting group. You and your guys are the ones the companies hire when they want to stage a zombie, ghost, or any vaguely horrific and dystopian episode. So when you get hired by Ateez to develop a zombie program, it's just another routine that you've done a million times. Everything's going exactly according to script--until suddenly it isn't, and it starts getting a little too real.

🏆 Esteemed Moot: @ramadiiiisme

⭐️ Reader Spotlight: @mrsminseochoi

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Namjoon finds you shortly after the anger seeps out of his posture. He pulls you aside, sparing Yeosang the courtesy of an apologetic glance when he interrupts your quiet, more serious conversation about dealing with the barricade.

When the first thing out of his mouth is your real name, you know he’s shaken. He uses it fairly regularly, him and Jimin both, but this time it sounds like a plea. “I’m sorry.”

You watch him, studying his downcast expression like lines on a map.

“I just heard what he said to you and something in me just snapped.”

“I know.” You do. He’s just as protective as you are. He has better personal boundaries about his finances and emotions perhaps, but he makes the same sacrifices that you do in his own ways.

He’s sacrificed his time and relationships to keep your team on their feet, to keep your programs at the quality that you both kill yourself for. And when it comes to your team, to your family, he puts them before himself, just like you do.

“I’m looking at you and seeing all of this…you’re covered in blood. Your clothes are ripped up, you look like you got mauled by a lion—”

“Thanks Joon, I’m loving hearing how shitty I look.”

“You’ve got bites all over you.” He touches your neck, your shoulder, your arm. His eyes fall to the bloody patch on your hip. “You’re in the worst shape of all of us except maybe Jimin, and you’re still on your feet, working, and I’m…I’m fine.” He gives a broken laugh. “I’m not hurt. I’m not injured or bleeding—”

“You smell kinda sweaty and stale, if that helps.”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.” He closes his eyes and swallows, fists clenching at his sides.

“Gee, thanks, Joon. You look amazing, by the way. How much hairspray did they put in your hair?” You know what he means, you know what he’s talking about, but the pain in his voice is too much for you to listen to without at least trying to alleviate it.

He looks at you again, unappreciative of your attempts. “Sugar.”

“I’m alright. I’m okay. I promise.”

“I’m sorry I flew off the handle. I’m sorry I hurt you. I just wish you hadn’t had to go through all of that, and to hear that he let you get hurt…that he let you go through that alone, I…”

“I know. But I can handle it. I handled it. Nobody had a perfect record tonight, myself included. Nobody could have been prepared for this. We did everything we could to deal with it, and we made mistakes. But we’re all here, still trying, still looking out for each other. Yeah?”

He nods and grits his teeth. “I’ve been looking at you like one of my team.” He admits. “One of the guys I’m supposed to protect and lead. But you’ve been protecting and leading all night. More than me. Yunho was right, you rose to the occasion better than I did.”

You give a humorless laugh. “I just had more opportunities than you did. You would have done better in my situation.”

“No.” He squares his shoulders. “No, you did more than I gave you credit for. I’m sorry. I want you to take the lead on this.”

Your mind is racing, scrambling to try to explain what he means. “Namjoon, I trust your lead. You’ve got this. I’m with you.”

He shakes his head. “I wasn’t treating you like my partner when it mattered. You deserve better than that.”

You really don’t. “Give the order, Joon. We’re with you.” You take a few steps back. “I’m with you.”

“I just turned on one of them after I earned their trust. I can’t lead them.” He’s faltering, unsure, desperate.

“Namjoon.” You can only smile at him. He’s never let you down. Not when it mattered. Never. “Now’s not the time for you to get cold feet. You’re a damn good leader, and it’s because you can keep a clear head and see the big picture. We had a hiccup. It happens. They understand that. Yunho understands that. If you feel you fell down as a leader, then get back up and do better. Don’t question yourself, just get back to work. You’ve brought us this far. Get us home.” Get them home.

Please, please, Namjoon, get them home.

He swallows, gratitude filling his eyes. He leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead before bouncing back on his heels and laughing at himself. “You keep me sane, Sugar.”

“Right back at you.”

He breathes deeply, strength returning to his posture. For a second, he glances at your team behind you. “I can deal with the pretty one following you like a puppy. He’s obviously got your back. But look out for Wooyoung. His comments tonight have been less than inspiring.”

You’re smiling so hard at his descriptions that your cheeks hurt. “The pretty one? Also, Wooyoung’s insane. He runs like the devil, and he hauled me away from a pack of zombies like I weighed nothing. He’s inspiring, trust me.”

Namjoon looks relieved. “Thank god, I thought he was gonna drop Jimin or something.”

“He’s got Jimin. They’re attached at the hip.”

“God, don’t start.” Joon squeezes his eyes shut with a laugh and finally seems to relax. When he finally looks at you again, his gaze is gentle. “The pretty one is good for you.”

Your face flames. “Namjoon, I swear to god.”

“He’s stood up to me—stood up for you multiple times tonight. Hongjoong said he’s the one who went in there and dragged the zombies off of you. Jimin said he’s the one who made sure you were safe when you thought he was going to turn. I’m comfortable with you with him. You don’t know how much that means right now, dealing with this shit.”

“Joon, stop. He’s a nice guy. He jumps in when he needs to. You know I don’t get involved with clients.” You don’t get involved with clients.

You don’t get involved with clients.

He touches your arm firmly, signaling the end of your conversation. “Rethink that policy. Maybe just this once.”

You turn as he looks over your shoulder, and you catch the nod he gives Yeosang. They’re having a moment, a total silent guy talk between a few long, serious glances, and it makes you want to kick them both.

Yeosang’s eyes flick to yours, and then back to Namjoon. He returns the nod, not a trace of a smile on his face.

You turn back to Namjoon with a whine. “Would you cut it out? And why is he the pretty one and I’m the mauled by a lion one you can’t stand to look at?”

He is pretty, though.

Fucking beautiful.

God, you’re pathetic.

He grins at you. “You are radiant as ever. It’s a perfect match. Give the order, O Captain, My Captain.”

You scowl and wheel away from him. “Alright, let’s fucking rock this. My team, on me.”

Your team reaches your assigned classroom without incident. Wooyoung manages to support Jimin’s weight well enough to keep him comfortable until he can get him seated in a desk chair.

It’s the same room where you locked Jin in the closet, where you dealt with your first bite. As you enter, you see the store room door in the back, still firmly closed.

Yeosang does too, and glances at you cautiously. The desk is still shoved against the door, the stepladder that Wooyoung brought still wedged under the handle. Theoretically you should be safe, but after some of the others busted out of their prisons, you can’t take any chances.

It’s your job to keep an eye out, you can’t delegate the task, so you just turn to Yunho and point to the supply closet. “One of them is in there. He’s gonna wake up when Yeosang starts chopping. Just be aware.”

He pales, staring at the door. “Do you think it’ll get out?”

You don’t know. “We’ll find out. If he does, there’s not a good place for him to go. I want to use the towels to restrain him, but I’ll need your help. Yours and Wooyoung’s.”

He nods, and across the room, Wooyoung does too. “Got it.”

“They’re just wild, right?” Yunho asks. “They don’t think, or even really see. Will he be angrier since he got locked in a closet?”

“I don’t think so. We haven’t seen any signs of reasoning from them. I think all of that is gone.” Despite everything you’ve seen and learned tonight, your throat still tightens to talk about Jin like this. It’s wrong.

It’s all wrong.

“They do get focused, though.” Wooyoung speaks up. “You guys should have seen Jin. Once he tasted her it was like he was so thirsty for her that Yeo and I barely existed.”

Your nose scrunches with disgust at his choice of words as Jimin frowns and says, “I hope you realize how filthy that sounded and how inappropriate that imagery is, given the circumstances.”

You whole heartedly agree, though you don’t know in what circumstances it would be appropriate. “Please stop imagining it.”

Wooyoung looks at you, wide eyed, like he hadn’t even meant to suggest any such thing.

“Oh my God.” Yeosang mutters, and shifts his attention to the boarded windows he’s supposed to chop through. They’re partially blocked by short bookshelves, but otherwise easy enough to climb through even for Jimin—with help.

“Guys.” Jongho’s whisper sounds from behind you, and you find him peeking through the doorway. “You good?”

You throw him a thumbs up. “Ready.”

He nods. “I’ll check with Namjoon and come back.” He disappears down the hall.

You and Yunho go to help Yeosang move one of the bookshelves. As the furniture scrapes across the floor, you hear shuffling inside the closet as Jin stirs. You keep working.

When the shelf is out of the way, Yunho goes to sit with Wooyoung and Jimin.

Yeosang picks up the axe again, bouncing it lightly in his hand. He’s tense, muscles bunching, jaw clenching as he looks over the window. Since it’s boarded from the outside, he’ll have to break the glass first.

His face is already shining with a sheen of sweat.

Only thinking about your task to watch for fatigue, you frown up at him. “You look hot.” Well, that’s not how you meant to say that. You’re officially O for 2.

His head swings to stare at you. “Oh.”

“Oh god, I meant temperature-wise. You look like you’re burning up.” You have never been this much of a socially decrepit clown in your entire life. You had handled your bumbling teenage years with more grace than this.

Fuck, you’re turning into Wooyoung.

Yeosang lets out an awkward laugh, bouncing the axe again. “Oh.”

You swear to god he sounds disappointed. “I mean, not that you don’t—“

The smirking side eye you get for that is enough to make your brain stomp on the brakes. You scoff at yourself, chuckling as you back away. “Nope. Nope, I’m not doing this. I just meant—“

“That I look hot.” He says it so flatly, like he’s talking about busting through the window, that your stomach flips.

“Yes.” Shit. “No! I mean, yes, but—” god fucking dammit, who raised you? “—aw fuck me.”

He’s snickering as you flee, planting yourself in front of the supply room door in the hopes that Jin will bust through and take you out of your misery.

He glances at you with a toothy smirk, and you scowl back, crossing your arms over your chest.

You are not doing this.

When he says your name, you’re still glaring at him. “Get away from the closet.”

“No.” You tighten your crossed arms. “I wanna get eaten.”

He’s moving towards you, reaching for your wrist. “I know you do, Sugar, but maybe later.” He’s using that same, patronizing honey tone on you again, like he knows what you’re feeling and has no intention of humoring you.

Your body is stubbornly stiff when he grasps your arm. He gives a light tug, and you stumble forward, refusing to uncross, your grumpy embarrassment still tightening your expression.

“You want me to make you?” His lips remain upturned at the corners, and you’re not at all sure where his confidence is coming from.

What happened to the shy, soft singer who blushed at you at nearly every turn?

Inexplicably, you let him pull you away from the door and guide you over to the other three.

Yunho is beaming at you.

“Shut up.” You grumble, falling into a chair with petulant annoyance.

“Congratulations, Kang Yeosang.” Jimin whispers as he lets you go. “You’re officially the first person to successfully out-captain the Captain.”

You are very nearly drawn to violence. “Aren’t you supposed to be dying?”

Jimin throws you a wink. “I’m working on it, Sugar Baby, don’t worry.”

Yeosang takes mercy on you, merely moving back to the window with an expression that looks suspiciously proud.

“I told you he was great.” Wooyoung whispers to you, reaching over to pat your knee as you sink bitterly into your seat.

When did you become the butt of this stupid joke? Even Yeosang is in on it now. “You’re all bastards and I hate every one of you.”

“Every one of us except Yeo.” Yunho corrects, and you punch his chest as hard as your exhausted body can manage from the awkward angle you’re sitting at.

He just snickers as he takes it, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

You have never been so eager to be left behind in a building full of zombies.

Before you can murder everyone in the room and yourself, Jongho reappears in the doorway. “Namjoon says to fire at will.” He whispers, and from the next room over, you hear glass shattering as the first team breaks their window.

You throw him another thumbs up, your thoughts finally locking in on the assignment once again. When he ducks back out of the room, you meet Yeosang’s eyes. He’s waiting for you.

All teasing forgotten, you jerk your chin in assent. “Swing away, Yeo.”

His features shift, absolute focus transforming his face and he turns to the window, lifting the axe as he readies to drive the head through the glass.

“I just got chills.” Wooyoung whispers.

The moment the axe shatters the window, the speakers overhead crackle to life with a burst of static.

Yeosang freezes mid-swing, the rest of you save Jimin lurching to your feet, startled. Behind the door, Jin screeches and pounds against the wood.

“Attention survivors,” a powerful, commanding tone rings through the speakers, sending icy fingers down your spine. “If you attempt to break through the barricade, you will be fired upon.”

Dread cramps in your gut.

“I repeat: if you attempt to break through the barricade, you will be fired upon.” The speakers squeal and go silent.

Yeosang wheels around, eyes wide, axe lowering.

Jongho bursts into the room, followed by Namjoon and San. “What the fuck.” Namjoon spits. “We’ve barely started, how do they know?”

“They’re not gonna let us leave.” San despairs. “Oh my god, we’re gonna die in here.”

For the first time tonight, your eyes flash to the cameras mounted to the walls. Some of them belong to the school, the ones wired into the computer system. Some of them are temporarily mounted by both your company and KQ for the purpose of recording your program. “They’re watching us.” You breathe.

“They took over the vans.” Namjoon swears, scrubbing his hands through his hair. “Goddammit!”

“What do we do?” Yunho demands. “Hyung, how do we get out of here?”

You don’t give yourself the chance to feel relief that his willingness to accept Namjoon hasn’t wavered since being accosted by him. “Why didn’t they stop us before? We’ve been talking about getting through the barricades for over an hour now. They could have yelled at us at any time.”

“Maybe they don’t have audio.” Namjoon muses, turning to the closest camera. “They would have been ahead of us if they could hear us. They must not be able to hear us.”

Wooyoung’s face is twisted with panic. “But how can we be sure? What if they just waited for some reason?”

Namjoon shrugs helplessly. “We can’t know. There’s no way of knowing. But we can’t cut down the boards now, not if they’re going to shoot us all to hell.”

“What if they’re bluffing?” You wonder. “What if they just want to see if they can keep us in here longer?”

“They implanted us with parasites.” Jimin argues quietly. “I don’t think they’re concerned with our survival.”

He’s right.

They’ve already set you up to be slaughtered. What’s a bullet compared to orchestrating a zombie outbreak?

They’ll kill you all without hesitation.

Namjoon motions you all closer so he can speak without the cameras overhearing. None of Ateez are wearing their mics anymore, at some point getting rid of their wires and battery packs when you hadn’t noticed.

“The backup plan is the basement.” He whispers. “It’s narrow stairs down there, so we might have to carry Jimin. But there’s a service exit that extends by tunnel towards the woods. We’re gonna have to try to make a run for it, but first we’re gonna have to take out the cameras.”

“If we bust them as we go, they still might as well be following our movements.” You point out, huddling in close between San and Yeosang.

“That’s why we’re gonna split up and take out all of the cameras first. All over the school. Total blackout. It will take time but it may put them in the dark long enough for us to escape.” Namjoon says. “I’m gonna go back and tell the others. You guys stay here. You’ve got Jimin?”

Yunho and Wooyoung are already at his side. “We’ve got him.”

The adrenaline and travel from the office to the classroom is already taking its toll on Jimin, evident by the pallor of his cheeks and the weak dangling of his limbs. You don’t know how they’re going to run from the military with him.

But it’s the only plan you’ve got.

Namjoon and Jongho run from the room to discuss the new plan with the others, leaving you shaken in your classroom with only Jin’s feverish pounding to fill the silence.

Yeosang is breathing heavily next to you, chest heaving and arms trembling hard enough to make you turn to him, worried, before you remember what he said to you back in the lockdown.

He has tremors.

He’s alright.

They just get worse when he’s nervous.

Yeosang holds the axe out to Yunho, who grasps it, confused. Before anyone can ask what he’s doing, he faces you and grabs your hand. “I need to talk to you.”

Too shocked by the serious depth of his low voice to argue, you suddenly find yourself being dragged out of the classroom, leaving your friends behind in stunned confusion.

He pulls you into the hallway and past Namjoon’s classroom, past San’s stairwell, all the way around the corner before he brings you to an abrupt stop. Your back hits the wall as you stumble back in surprise when he turns to you.

His eyes are intensely solemn as he stares down at you, his hand squeezing around yours. You’re too confused, too startled to speak, and when you try to swallow, your mouth is dry.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen.” He begins, his rumbling voice hitting your ears with such hard set concentration that you don’t even try to interrupt him. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. I thought we had a chance with the barricade, but—” his teeth clench, jaw working as he looks away from you, checking the hallway.

You can’t begin to imagine where he’s going with this, but you’re enraptured by this unfamiliar intensity, waiting.

When he meets your eyes again, you’re staring at the pink birthmark again. How had you never seen it before?

How can a birthmark possibly be endearing?

Why are you thinking about this right now?

“I’m going to stay with you.” He finally utters solemnly, gaze locked on yours.

Your mind is grasping for an explanation, praying he’s not talking about your self-imposed suicide mission. “Yeosang—”

He squeezes your hand to silence you, and your words strangle out instantly. “Whatever happens, breaking the cameras, going down through the basement, making a run for it…I’m not going to another team. I’m staying with you.”

You’re shaking your head, baffled, completely thrown off by why he had to say this to you away from everyone else when he’s been choosing his own teams from the beginning. “I don’t—”

He steps in closer, and your feet back you further against the wall as your stomach flips. But you can’t parse through this situation before he’s talking again, gripping your hand like a lifeline. “I lied to you. Back in the control room, when I said I was thinking about your perfect day. When I said I wanted you to survive so you could have it.”

After all this time, you can’t believe the conversation is circling back to that awkward stairwell again.

His tongue swipes over his lips, leaving the slightest glint of moisture, and his hand is shaking in yours.

Or maybe your hand is shaking.

Or maybe you’re both shaking.

Yeosang isn’t smiling. His face is still stuck in that focused frown that’s making your heart pound with anxiety. “I wanted you to survive so we could have it.” He says, and your heart thuds like a mallet against your ribs.

“I wanted that day with you. The moment you told me about it, I wanted that day with you.” His voice rasps.

You can’t breathe. “Yeosang, I don’t—” you don’t understand. You don’t fucking understand what’s happening.

You don’t dare to dream what’s happening.

He presses in closer, the warmth of his body crushing in all around you even with the space still between you. “I’m staying with you, and I’m gonna make sure we both get out of this.” His eyes are darting between yours, chest billowing with pounding breaths.

Your heart breaks. You can’t hear this. You can’t hear what he’s trying to tell you. He can’t be saying this to you. This can’t happen. You can’t want this to be happening. “Yeosang, wait, I—”

“You don’t have to care about me, but I care about you too much to pretend I don’t.”

The insinuation that you don’t care distracts you enough from your protests that you stop trying to back away from him. “Of course I fucking care.”

His eyes flash, hope lifting his brows ever so slightly. Your name falls off his tongue in that low, low tone of his, and every argument flees your thoughts.

“Yeo.” His name is a breath between you.

He releases you, and for a moment he just stands there, mere inches from you, scanning your features with dark eyes.

“Of course I care.”

And then he cups your face in both hands and his warm lips descend on yours.

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[gravityrises]

The Virtues of Stanford Pines

Summary: I've seen people accuse Ford of doing horrible things on one side, and people defending his actions on the other side. But how about we turn the tables and talk about all of the good Ford has done. (At least, that was the plan.)

Word Count: 2813.

Spoilers: Gravity Falls series, Journal 3, The Book of Bill, Lost Legends, thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com

1. He's incredibly hard-working:

Just because someone is smart doesn't mean they don't put a lot of effort into studying and Ford definitely did. It's mentioned twice just in "A Tale of Two Stans," when he tries to convince the college board to give him another chance and when he describes his years at Backupsmore.

And it doesn't stop at intellectual pursuits. In Journal 3 Ford says he exercises daily, despite having always hated physical activity.

Anyway, I don't think anyone is going to argue this point, so let's leave it at that.

2. He's supportive of his friend:

There are going to be a few controversial takes, but I truly believe that Ford was trying to be a good friend to Fiddleford. Now, there were fights between them, and Ford did say quite a few insensitive things both to his face and in the Journal. But overall, I don't think he ever intended to hurt Fiddleford, and he definitely appreciated his friend's company.

When Ford invited Fiddleford to work on the portal, he wrote in the journal: "He (Fiddleford) has sacrificed so much to come to my aid. He has temporarily left his bride and their young son... he has abandoned his own professional aspirations... I must do my best to make him feel at home.... I am off to the store for some banjo strings and microchips!" (quote shortened, because I'm lazy) Clearly, Ford cared about his friend and wanted to make him feel welcome.

He also compliments Fiddleford's "brilliant mind," "amusing quirks" and scrupulous work ethic, by saying "I double-check my equations. He quintuple-checks!"

And I hear you, didn't he claim the complete opposite in the series? According to him, Fiddleford "was wasting his talent trying to make personal computers", right? Well, if we ignore the fact that the creators weren't 100% consistent in their writing, here's how I would reconcile those two statements. Ford thought (erroneously) that his friend's research wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, but it was important to Fiddleford personally. And can you really blame Ford? He was about to demostrate the existence of other dimensions and create a gateway that would allow us to visit them. If something like that happened irl, it would've been a groundbreaking discovery, altering our very understanding of the natural world and how it works. Meanwhile, laptops, at least in Ford's opinion, were just "heavy, slow journals." Still, he knew this work was important to Fiddleford, and he wanted to accommodate that. Hence, his trip to buy microchips (and banjo strings.)

Ford tried (and unfortunately, failed) to help Fiddleford deal with his anxiety. In Journal 3, he mentions teaching Fiddleford some meditation techniques and going to the Carnival, so that Fiddleford would enjoy "a day of relaxation." In the Book of Bill, Ford feels guilty about not getting his friend a gift and decides to throw a surprise Christmas party instead. This was also an attempt to cheer Fiddleford up after his fight with his wife.

"But Ford didn't take Fiddleford's anxiety seriously, and it ruined his life." Okay, let's say you're right. Remember, Ford was raised in the 60s. A time when mental illness or just mental distress were looked down on. What was he supposed to do? Suggest Fiddleford goes to the therapist? I mean, they were studying paranormal creatures, if Fiddleford told those stories to a therapist who didn't believe in these things, there would've been a really high chance of misdiagnosis. Should Ford have simply fired Fiddleford? Well, that wouldn't have been very nice. Also, there is no need to infantilize Fiddleford in the first place, he's a grown-up person capable of makind his own decisions. If the job is too stressful, if the relationship doesn't work out, he has every right to leave, because his life and mental well-being are his responsibility. Instead, he ignored Ford's warnings and decided to use the Memory Gun and start a cult. It was, by the end of the day, Fiddleford's decision. And it's tragic. It really is. No one deserves to lose their family, their mind and their sense of self. It's something Ford feels guilty about, because whether it was intentional or not, he did indirectly contribute to Fiddleford's downfall. That's why, when they finally reunited after 30 years, Ford apologized to Fiddleford. And according to Journal 3, Fiddleford dissmised his apology, leading Ford to say that "Not only is this man's mind superior to mine, but he has one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen."

3. He has no reservations about helping others out:

There's a reason why Ford's the first person people turn to, when there's a problem. He has both the desire and the skills to help people out. Using Dipper's idea, he stops agents from investigating his family. He goes above and beyond just to change a lightbulb in the kitchen. Though morally questionable, he did give the kids a mind control tie with the intent of helping Stan win the elections. In the comics, Stan turns to Ford when Mabel's face is stolen and when Stan himself is cursed by an old chest.

And that's how things were in the past too. In "The Pines Boys in: The Jersey Devil's in the Details", Ford defends his brother, twice. First, when Filbrick accuses Stan of stealing the gold chain from his pawn shop. And then, when the Sibling Brothers offered Ford to let him keep the monster and become famous in exchange for photos that would prove Stan's guilt. And just to add an incentive, they threatened to frame both twins, if Ford didn't comply. Obviously, it didn't work.

According to thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com, that's also how he became friends with Fiddleford: on the very first day, he spent nine hours helping his new friend prove his theory. And in the Book of Bill, when Ford learns that Bill's home dimension was destroyed by a monster, his immediate reaction is to offer help with hunting it down.

Whenever someone's in distress, Ford really wants to help them out, and I don't know about you, but to me that doesn't sound like someone lacking empathy.

4. He's got no qualms questioning the status quo:

In Journal 3, Ford mentions traveling to Northwest Manor to confront Old Man Northwest with evidence of his family's deceit. Instead, he was met by young Preston, who wasn't impressed with his speech and forcibly escorted Ford from the premises.

Also in Journal 3, Ford wanted to debate politics with Reagan. Make of that what you will.

Now this one is more of a conjecture, but in the Book of Bill, this is how Bill compliments him: "Guys as smart as you come along once every century, and they scare the pants off of authority figures!" This lie wouldn't have worked, if it wasn't what Ford actually wanted.

And of course, learning that his former "muse" is one of the most feared beings in the entire multiverse, didn't stop Ford from going on a quest to defeat Bill. Even after witnessing other creatures shriek and cover their ears at the mere mention of Bill's name. Which leads me to my next point.

5. Calling him determined would be a massive understatement:

Forget his sleepless nights at college, forget his extensive research in Gravity Falls, Ford has spent 30 years, let me repeat that again, 30 years traveling across dimensions and looking for a way to destroy Bill Cipher. I haven't even been alive for that long! From the little we know about those years, they were anything but easy. In fact, Ford describes them as "frightening, exciting, cruel, and strange." (And of course, the guy actually does use the Oxford comma in his writing. Who would've thought?) Let me stress that Ford was under no obligation to continue his quest, maybe he could've found a quiet dimension to settle down and live peacefully, in fact, that's something he contemplates while visiting A Better World in Journal 3. But he decides against it. Not because he didn't want to, he literally says that he wanted to revel in his parallel self's success. Not because defeating Bill would get him recognition. It wouldn't, at least not in his home dimension, where no one is even aware of the danger. No, he didn't stay, because his own conscience wouldn't allow it. Ford just couldn't break his vow from 30 years ago, it's as simple as that.

And what does he do, when his plans fall apart? Does he even consider giving up? Of course not! In fact, he ends his tale of interdimensional travel with the following sentence: "My resolve to defeat Bill has never been stronger." It's almost comical, watching him throw anything he can think of at Bill and see what might stick. His battle in the Nightmare Realm was interrupted? He jumps through the portal to stop Bill's forces from entering his dimension. The portal created an interdimensional rift? He tries to contain it. Bill threatens to get his hands on the rift? This time Ford has two ideas: he tries to encrypt Dipper's thoughts and creates a mystical barrier around the house. The worst happens and the world is about to end? Well, get in loser, we're going to shoot Bill with Quantum Destabilizer. Ford misses and is captured? Not to worry, there's a Zodiac prophecy, we can give that a try. It doesn't work, because two grown men can't put aside their grievances for just a few seconds, gosh that scene is so frustrating to watch. Well, here is another idea: one can erase Bill with a memory gun as long as he's in someone's mind. I don't know what else to say, Ford really did his homework, when he set out to destroy Bill.

6. He has the patience of a saint:

Wow, now here's a controversial take. Remember Stan's "Beep boop. I am a nerd robot. That's you. That's what you sound like," which Ford just laughs off. Yes, that's what siblings do all the time. And yes, this teasing does come from a place of hurt. Stan was feeling like "the stupid twin," "a dumb idiot who screws everything up," so Ford felt like he just had to put up with this. But it's still hurtful to be mocked for your interests. It really feels like their relationship was already a little strained even before the Science Fair Project Incident.

What about the fact that he was the first to stop the fight in "Dungeons, Dungeons, and more Dungeons" and suggesting Stan might actually have fun, if he joined their game?

Or all the snide comments Stan made, when they reunited during Weirdmageddon, including "Well, he's lost his mind" and "You really think some caveman graffiti is gonna stop that monster?" All of which Ford simply ignored. Yes, he did correct Stan's grammar under the worst of circumstances, I agree, but you know, everyone has their pet peeves.

What people often forget is just how difficult it is to be a kind person, when you're stressed. It is much easier to treat people with respect and understanding, when you yourself are doing fine. So is it that big of a surprise, that someone who's under pressure, sleep-deprived and/or in pain might be more prone to outbursts? And we know how traumatic Ford's experience of being bullied as a kid was, how much suffering Bill put him through, how difficult his years on the other side of the portal were and how much pressure he was under, trying to prevent a literal end of the world. It's ironic that the people who blame Ford for his lack of empathy, really don't show him any empathy themselves.

7. Even under torture, he didn't reveal the equation that would've allowed Bill to take over the world:

Do I really have to spell it out? Look, as someone who was on the verge of mental breakdown from a simple toothache, I have nothing else to say other than: This is admirable. And he did it to protect the world that, need I remind you, wasn't particularly kind to him. On the same note, he just never joined Bill in the first place: not in the 80s, and not during Weirdmageddon.

"Oh, but he's the one who started the Apocalypse, so he kind of deserved it." Seriously? No, I mean it, are you being serious? Is that something you would say to a person suffering from diabetes type 2, that it's their fault for eating too many sweets; or to someone with liver cirrhosis that they deserve to suffer because of their alcohol addiction? Because this is neither appropriate, nor helpful. Talk about kicking someone when they're down...

8. He's fiercely loyal to his family:

I think the way Ford compliments his grandniece in "The Last Mabelcorn" is very revealing: "You've protected your family. You're a good person, Mabel." His very definition of a "good person" is "someone who supports and protects their family." Which is... interesting to say the least, considering that Ford has spent a very long time away from his family and completely alone. But it does sound like something he aspires to. That's why he goes out of his way to help his family out, whenever they're in trouble. (See point 3 for more on this.)

When Bill threatens the kids, Ford is willing to risk the entire universe for a slim chance that they might be spared. It's a cruel Trolley Problem, which once again proves just how much he values his family. Still, this is some Fate/Zero level angst and I don't want to talk about it more than I absolutely have to. Let's finish this up with something more lighthearted.

9. He's never lost curiosity and childlike wonder:

This! This is what made me fall in love with the man and why I'm wasting my time writing this nonsense in the first place. This allconsuming excitement, when he finds a new anomaly to study; this seemingly endless energy, when he explores new places; this pure joy, when he gets to play DD&MD with Dipper! I don't know how to talk about it without gushing.

Ford obviously loves games, and not just DD&MD. He plays chess with Bill. He mentions being great at charades in the comics. And what cracks me up the most: during Weirdmageddon, when Pacifica compared the Zodiac to a game of hopscotch, not only did not Ford get offended, but he replied: "It would be a pretty fun game of hopscotch." Ford, darling, the world is about to end, is this really the best time to contemplate a hypothetical game of hopscotch? Also, you've just been through something traumatic... Forget it, you've been through 3 decades of traumatic experiences, can you at least have the decency to become a tad more cynical as you age, like the rest of us. I guess, mirth really is the mail of anguish. (It's from Emily Dickinson's poem and the quote means that some people act cheerful to hide their suffering.)

Also, something Ford doesn't get enough credit for, mostly because people usually focus on his academic achievements, but he is quite creative. He draws incredibly detailed sketches not only depicting various anomalies he encounters, but also whatever happens in his life. (Probably off-topic, but I find the implications of that karaoke page so funny. Think about it: the guy sobered up, looked at the incomprehensible nonsense he had written the previous night and thought: "You know what? This could really use an illustration.") Also don't forget that he canonically plays piano. Yeah, if I were Stan, I'd be jealous too.

And of course, that's why he's so passionate about science. Sure, part of him wants the fame and recognition that would come, if he makes a big discovery, but you can't deny that he genuinely enjoys learning new things. And that he enjoys sharing them with whoever is willing to listen.

In conclusion, I'm not trying to say that Ford is perfect in every way and has never done a single wrong thing in his life. To be honest, that would've made him a really boring character. So, yes, he is flawed, and misguided, and sometimes insensitive. He's made a lot of missteps because of his upbringing, personality and, as many have speculated, neurodivergence. But I really take issue with people saying Ford's a bad person, when he clearly isn't. Ford is and always was a good person, and by the end of all the trials he became a better person. One who understands that the only way to success is cooperation, not being a lone vigilante. That it's not a weakness to ask for help or to need help in the first place. And that a sea otter shared is a sea otter halved.

That's strange... why did I write that?

[imaginaryskeleton]

Hey just wanted you to know that you're the sole reason I know two whole things about booster gold and those two things are 1) he exists and 2) he's a silly lil guy

I win!!! I love inflicting my special interest on people! He is soooo silly and now you've activated my infodump mode so you will now know more about him

Booster (a nickname he earned in school) is a disgraced footballer from 25th century Gotham. His real name is Michael Jon Carter but everyone calls him Booster. He was caught gambling on his own games and banned from football and expelled from college. Before that he had been projected to become rich and famous from being such a good player. He hated himself after all this because he grew up poor, and that was supposed to be his chance to make life better for his mom and twin sister

Booster moved to Metropolis and became a night security guard for a museum. He also went to Metropolis U and studied history (personally I like to think he specialised in the history of superheroics and that he found that being able to choose his course of study for fun rather than having no choice because he needed the career like with sports was really freeing for him). The museum is also where he met Skeets, a security robot he worked alongside

One night Booster just got frustrated with his life, tired of being a failure and loser, so he stole a ton of hero tech from the museum, stole Skeets, and stole a time machine, and went back in time to become a famous superhero

He originally wanted his name to be Goldstar but he got nervous when he was asked and he accidentally said Booster Gold and it stuck (Goldstar does end up being a name used by his friend Trixie and his sister Michelle)

He joins the Justice League International and has smth really fruity (and tragic - but I'll spare you those details rn) going on with Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) to the point where they are pretty much stated to be canon soulmates (Blue Beetle 2006 #25) and they're actually together in Teen Titans Go

He does a lot of ads and some endorsements and modelling to make money (and he and Ted also get caught up in some...we'll say ill advised schemes together) and it can make him come across as disingenuous and a few other heroes don't really like him and his show off for the cameras attitude (he and Superman have little history) but in the end he has a good heart and it makes for really interesting character development and you do see him again and again do the right thing and sacrificing the spotlight or good PR to do it

Anyway that's my crash course on Booster. I have a lot to say about him he's so special to me I'm so glad you found out he exists from me

[cros-s]

3h & 01:09

• ol' fake couple trope • suggestive • you x captain

"Three hours?!" you exclaimed. "Ughhh..." disappointed, you turned to him and handed him your phone to show the text.

The informant texted you that the auction has been postponed for another three hours, just when you two were about to walk out of your suite.

A week-long of waiting for this moment, just to be delayed for another three hours.

Great.

Six days ago, you two were (suspiciously) assigned by the Wizard King to retrieve a cursed artefact – a pair of wedding rings – that has been stolen from a certain domain.

According to the brief he gave, the domain was a grave of a couple who used to lead an ancient town that used to be a part of the Grand Magic Zone. To stabilize the area, they had sacrificed themselves and these rings were the final seal to completely lock everything, but now that they were stolen, the domain is now leaking currents of mana that's causing its surroundings to be unstable.

To successfully and peacefully retrieve the said artifact, the two of you has to join the auction, pretending as a couple from the noble capital and for some reason, the Wizard King had managed to convince you two to be the perfect pair for this mission.

At first you tried to reason out, as it would not be healthy for your already pining self, as you have no prior experience working with another captain, but he has his way of convincing you, and now you are here.

You sighed and kicked your floor length dress that's been hugging your body for the past hour, your thigh sticking out of the slit as you walked towards the mini bar inside your suite to pour yourself a shot of alcohol.

His eyebrows arched lightly as he reads the entire text and absentmindedly followed you behind. "I just hope that the small trouble being mentioned here isn't going to interfere with the mission at hand." He said softly before grabbing your wrist just when you're about to down your drink, which he quickly stole from you, and replacing the glass with your phone. "No drinking before the mission" he said, his eyes showed a hint of amusement that betrays his stern tone.

"Just one shot, Captain serious. What are we even supposed to do for another three hours?" You retorted.

Setting the glass aside, he stood in front of the mirrored column beside the minibar, adjusting his necktie for the nth time already. "Make sure things are perfect." He answered.

You narrowed your eyes at him, looking him up and down in his tailored suit, noticing how it accentuated his features and the color of his eyes and... stop.

You shook your head lightly and cleared your throat softly "like... like how you've been checking your tie for a hundredth time already?"

"Well... I admit, I'm not particularly confident with how I did it." He answered and faced you "So what do you think?"

You gave him an amused look before eyeing his tie as if studying it closely, then you stepped forward and reached for it "You're right, it's a little crooked". You chuckled and began loosening the knot, pretending to fix the thing, which he notices right away "You're messing with me"

"Mmm, maybe. We have time anyway" you laughed lightly and proceeded to fix the tie around his neck differently. He sighed and shook his head lightly. "You're insufferable" he said, as he pinch the bridge of his pink-tinged nose.

That made you let out a soft laugh as you finished the Eldredge knot. "How about mine? Does my preparation pass your standard of perfection?" You asked while turning around slowly, giving him time to check.

He looked away with a sigh while lightly scratching the tip of his reddening earlobe. He has already checked you out earlier, maybe more than he should, but that was for quality assurance purposes, or so he told himself.

He knows though, for the past six days you've been doing it –teasing him–and two can play the game. "Almost." He answered, his tone drips with mock skepticism.

Your eyebrows furrowed in amusement "almost?" You asked, head tilting slightly to the side.

"Too red" he smirked, but with a flutter of instant regret inside his chest, he breathed in and continued "Too bold, you'll most likely attract attention than avoid it" wanting to defend his first statement, but somehow, he felt it didn't really save him.

You let out an amused huff "Are you talking about my lips?" You asked, with an eyebrow raised at him.

"What else?" He answered. It's not like he could back out from that anymore.

"Well... yours are too pale..." you trailed, a glint of mischief playing in your eyes "wanna fix that?"

Damn.

For six days, it's been getting worse. This play pretend had started awkward for the first... was it two days? No one remembers, because after that, everything else had been convincing – too convincing.

Somewhere between the shared meals, stolen glances, and playful teasing, the lines had blurred. He knew it. You knew it. Yet, neither of you had dared to address it.

And then this.

Too much.

You stepped forward, smirking. Leaning closer, slowly, just to tease him, you thought. You could see the way his pupils dilate as he kept his stance. And you find that amusing.

He kept his ground and his sharp gaze on you. His jaw tensing as he struggled to keep his restraint, but as nanoseconds tick away, so was his resolve, still you didn't stop.

You leaned closer, your breath passing through his nostrils, and unbeknownst to you, that intoxicated him.

You stopped, expecting him to back away but before you knew it, he had already closed the gap. His lips pressing against yours firmly, while his hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer as though he had been holding back for too long.

It was supposed to be a quick one, but you responded, and... restraint crumbled. You slid your hand on his chest and fiercely clutched onto his collar as you pulled him closer. His hand digging on your sides as if making sure you've nowhere to go, but to where he's taking you.

Your back hit the edge of the minibar, and you softly bit on his lips, making him grunt softly. He pulled away, just a little, to continue his ministrations onto your neck, latching hungrily as if he had already lost it.

You gasped as the waves of euphoria started to cloud your mind, fingers tangling his hair, your scent filling his nostrils.

His hands roamed lower, causing an eruption of goosebumps and then a thought revisited. Was it you who asked this? 'What are we even supposed to do for another three hours?' and it made you chuckle in the midst of the sensation.

"Ticklish?" He asked, his voice raspy and thick with desire.

"Mmm-hmm" you hummed, nodding slightly with your eyes closed, not wanting to explain things further.

"I guess three hours won't be that long"

---

😀

draft

[corruptedcaps]

Nurse Stacey

Stacey’s first day as an interning nurse wasn’t going well. How was she suppose to know she had to provide her own uniform? Although the rest of the girls from her class seemed to know as they were all dressed and ready for work. She knew it was somehow Bree’s, her bitchy classmate, fault.

Bree was clearly jealous of Stacey’s innate smarts and aptitude for the job but Bree also made it no secret that she was studying to become a nurse just so she could sink her claws into the richest doctor available. She didn’t want anyone taking any spotlight away from her in anyway so constantly set Stacey up to fail.

However Bree had ‘modified’ her uniform to make it so eyes were always on her anyway. Her tight uniform showed as much skin as was possible under the rules, so bullying Stacey at this point was just a bonus. By lunchtime on her first day Stacey was pulled aside by the head doctor, Lawrence, and told she needed to find a uniform that was white and red like everyone else’s by end of day otherwise she would be let go.

“I’m sorry Stacey but I’ve had complaints from some of the other interns that you aren’t taking your time here very seriously and it’s reflecting poorly on them so please find something appropriate to wear otherwise I’ll have to give you a failing grade.” He said leaving her alone to fume. Her? Inappropriate? Bree was the one with the ‘modified’ uniform, her tits practically dripping out.

“But by the end of day? How can I possibly do that with the rest of my work?” Stacey said to herself after Lawrence walked away.

“Maybe you should use your lunch hour, god knows you could lose a few pounds.” Bree said cruelly chiming in.

Stacey stormed into the locker room to try and find some nurse scrubs, even dirty ones but came up empty. Frustrated she banged against the lockers but felt them shake more than normal against the wall. That’s when she realized they weren’t up against a wall, but a door. Curious, she pulled out the set of lockers to reveal the door. It had been painted over but it was clearly a door and even had a name plate too.

Sliding the plate off she scratched and chipped away at the paint until it revealed it read ‘Head Nurse’. It was only then that she realized that the hospital didn’t have a head nurse. It wasn’t unusual for a hospital not to have one but it certainly was strange for a hospital to have an office for one that didn’t exist. However Stacey also realized that this may be the solution to her problems. Any good head nurse would have a spare change of scrubs in case of emergency.

Pushing the paint covered door hard enough until it gave in, Stacey fell inside to find a long forgotten and dusty room. It was sparsely decorated and had little furniture. What furniture it did have was odd. For example it had a rather plush looking bed and velvety sofa. It looked more like a room to entertain than one to work in but her eyes were soon drawn to a clothes mannequin in the corner. This would be what she needed.

However as she got closer to it she saw that the outfit was far from what she expected. Instead it looked like some sort of slutty Halloween version of a nurses outfit. It was made of white and red spandex and was incredibly short and looked like she wouldn’t be able to breath in it despite it’s flexibility. Stacey would never wear such a thing even as a joke let alone for work but as the end of the day was looming she realized it was her last hope. If nothing else it could buy her time to get a proper uniform after work somewhere.

Stripping down to her underwear she eyed the outfit and realized that she would need to be totally naked to squeeze into it. Locking the door to the office she then removed the last of her clothes and stood for a moment looking at her reflection in the large mirror in the corner.

She was by no means ugly but she was certainly out of shape and unkempt looking. She just never had time to work out and primp herself due to all her studying. She had sacrificed a lot to be where she was and now she was on the brink of losing it because of some gold digging jealous bitch. Her anger spurred her on. She pulled the outfit off the mannequin and held her breath as she slipped into it and zipped it up.

It was the tightest thing she had ever worn and yet she didn’t feel uncomfortable. There was a certain safety she felt by having it close to her skin and yet at the same time it felt as though she were naked. It gave her a weird sense of power, like the outfit was a kind of armour. Taking a moment she looked at herself in the mirror and strangely didn’t think she looked silly as she thought she might have. She didn’t feel shy or reserved either, she felt sexy. Even the antiquated hat looked good on her.

“Wow a head nurse wearing this? I imagine all all the staff were eating out of the palm of her hand, especially the hunky doctors looking like this.” She said to herself in admiration of the previous owner of the outfit. She felt light headed wearing it, like she didn’t have a care in the world which she quickly put down to the outfit cutting down on the blood circulation. It wasn’t tight everywhere however as the outfit was clearly meant for someone with a much larger cup size.

“Even though I don’t fill it out perfectly I think this should keep me from being fired today.” She said to herself preparing to leave but suddenly hearing a voice in her head.

“Fired? Who would dare fire the head nurse?” The voice purred in her mind.

“W-who said that?” Stacey said looking around seeing no one.

“Why me of course, your uniform. I am designed specifically for the head nurse. That’s you of course, correct?” The voice replied. Stacey thought she was losing her mind. Maybe the uniform was cutting off more blood to her brain than she thought.

“Eh yes I’m Stacey, the new, eh, head nurse.” Stacey replied trying to humor her own delusion.

“Stacey? No no no that won’t do, that’s not commanding enough. No you will be Anastasia from now on. Now let me get started.” The voice continued.

“Started with w-?” Stacey began but suddenly felt an intense heat begin in her stomach and reverberate outward. However it wasn’t unpleasant and in fact was quite pleasing making her involuntarily moan.

“Whhhhaaaaat arrrreee youuuuu doooooing?” Stacey groaned as the feeling intensified.

“Why I’m remaking your body of course, didn’t you read your head nurse contract? It’s standard procedure for all new head nurses to undergo a bitchification process. You need to be strong and tough to have this job after all.” The voice said matter of factly.

Stacey felt the uniform crunch in her stomach and her body moulded to its sleek and curvy contours. Her hips flared out, her butt became plump while her waist shrank. It felt good.

And yet she knew what was happening was wrong, she wasn’t the head nurse and pretending to be one would only land her in hot water. She needed to take off the uniform even if it was the more pleasurable thing she had ever felt.

“Noooo stop, this isn’t right. I’m not the head nurse.” She groaned while the changes continued. Hot red nails shot out from the ends of her fingers as her lips inflated into soft kissable pillows. Her tits grew bigger and bigger until it felt as though they’d rip the uniform.

“Of course, it’s perfectly normal to feel that way during this process but the next phase should put you at ease.” The uniform replied to her in words and then in actions as Stacey suddenly felt a barrage of information be thrown at her mind.

Expert medical advice was downloaded in an instant to her mind, knowledge that would have taken a lifetime to learn was suddenly as simple to her as two plus two. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad she thought to herself, she could make a real difference with a mind like hers now.

Just as she was having this altruistic thought, however, she heard bitchy mantras and creeds echo in her head.

Profits over people.

Power is Queen, the Queen will have power.

Serving the hospital so you will be served.

Greed, beauty, excess, fear.

They repeated over and over again in her mind, it was clear that the head nurse wasn’t there to help the patients, she was meant to help the hospital. Stacey was disgusted but the more she heard the words the more she was nodding along. She tried to resist but the conditioning was too strong.

She didn’t want to become a bitch but the temptation was getting hard to deny. Why should she have to work so hard when sluts like Bree walked all over her. Thinking about what a spoilt bitch Bree was ironically sealed Stacey’s fate. Knowing she’d have the power to command Bree to do whatever she said made Stacey unbearably wet. She wanted that more than anything.

“Yeesss you’re right, I was just doubting myself. That’ll never happen again. Insecure nurse Stacey is dead, confident, gorgeous head nurse Anastasia has arrived.” She purred with a new bitchy tone. She expected the uniform to reply but it said nothing. Having completed its job it went back into a dormant state.

Anastasia meanwhile walked over to the upright mirror and took in her new form. She looked every bit the wet dream she felt. Her outrageous beauty was complemented by her steely cold gaze, a duo that would give her the ultimate power over the staff and patients of HER hospital.

However she needed to make it official and there was one person she knew who could rubber stamp her new position and she would make it so he would beg her to be head nurse.

The next morning, the staff of the hospital were gathered outside Lawrence’s office after being summoned there 20 minutes ago. They weren’t certain but some could have sworn that they heard grunting, moaning and spanking.

Bree arrived with her cohort just as Lawrence exited his office, with his tie askew. Bree looked around and was happy to see Stacey not present.

“Guess poor Stacey didn’t find any spare uniforms. Such bad timing that we had offered to wash all the spares this morning, we could have given her one.” Bree smirked satisfied to herself as her friends giggled knowingly.

“Thank you all for coming on such short notice. I’ll make this brief. I’m proud to announce that starting today we have a long over due position returning. The position of head nurse!” Lawrence declared and the staff broke out into a murmur.

Bree and her friends broke into an excited chatter. This could be the stepping stone Bree needed to bag herself a rich doctor. If she became Head Nurse she would work intimately with the upper crust of the hospital. Sure there were more senior nurses but she had a way of getting what she wanted.

“After a long decision process I have decided to fill the position with one of our newest nurses. I know this might irk some of the senior staff but I believe a new position needs new blood.” Lawrence said and Bree felt his eyes land on her. Could she be getting her wish so soon? Of course, there was no other answer.

“So will you all please welcome your new head nurse, Anastasia.” Lawrence announced loudly as a brunette beauty strode out from his office. The staff were completely gobsmacked by the reveal of Anastasia, clad in the tightest uniform they had ever seen.

“Now that is no way to great your new head nurse, is it? Applaud. ” Anastasia said with a long stare that sent a shiver down everyone’s spine. Slowly they began to clap and Anastasia basked in their fearful reverence.

“Now Anastasia will get reacquainted with everyone over the next few days but for now back to work.” Lawrence said and looked over to Anastasia for an approving look but finding only her cold withering stare. Nevertheless he became aroused and quickly left to do his rounds along with most of the staff. Most except Bree and her gang.

“You might have Lawrence fooled with these fake tits, and slutty makeup but I know you’re still a loser Stacey and I’ll have your job by the end of the week.” Bree said defiantly. Anastasia smiled at her unnervingly and slowly clopped over to her in her high heels. As tough as Bree fronted she soon cowered before her new head nurse as she was backed into a corner with her friends.

“That’s head nurse Anastasia worm. You can be as insolent as you like but I now control your passing grades. If you don’t do exactly as I say I’ll fail you, all of you, and blacklist the lot of you from working in any hospital in this country. No job, no hot doctors, no life of luxury.” She said bearing down on the frightened young women.

“But follow me, learn from me and I’ll recommend you as Head Nurses to our sister locations. They’ll be some ‘training’ involved of course but you’ll earn yourself a uniform like mine and the power that comes with it. Understood?” Anastasia said in a cold purr that had all of Bree’s friends nodding enraptured.

“Good. Now off you go, training begins tomorrow.” Anastasia said standing back and allowing the women to escape. But yet again, Bree stood in rebellious rage.

“Screw you slut, my daddy is rich and is on the board of the hospital, if you think your theatrics intimidate me you-” Bree began but was quickly silenced by Anastasia who grabbed the girl by her neck and lifted her off the floor with ease, the uniform granting her super human strength.

“Silence, I heard just about enough of you. I know about your daddy and the power he had over the hospital. Who do you think gave Lawrence the go ahead for my promotion? Your daddy is under my thumb now and he will do exactly as I command, something you’re going to learn to do starting now.” Anastasia cackled as she dragged the young nurse to her office and threw her to the floor.

“Now loser you’re going to clean this place too to bottom. I want all this dust gone by the end of day, if you don’t consider your future as a nurse ended.” The bitchy head nurse said smirking down at Bree.

“By the end of day? How can I possibly do that with the rest of my work?” Bree said to Anastasia who just looked at her as if she were an ant.

“Maybe you should use your lunch hour, god knows you could lose a few pounds.” Anastasia said smirking cruelly at Bree.

THE END

[donut251155]

The Earth is Hanako's Purgatory

Small note: I'll take Dante Alighieri's "Divina Commedia" (Purgatorio - Purgatory, but also kinda Inferno - Hell) as a reference for this. I'm also translating everything from what I've studied in Italian without looking it up, so the names could differ from the English ones

So, Hanako killed his brother and himself when he was alive, so he belongs in 2 circles of Hell - those who are violent (against others - murderers, and towards themselves - those who committed suicide) and traitors. He would be in the first zone of the 9th circle since he betrayed his brother who trusted him, the lowest one (excluding Lucifer, who doesn't quite count)

He said that he's taken the mystery role to repent, as he regrets killing his brother and doesn't want to go to Hell, which is more or less the description of Purgatory that my beloved Dante gave us: Purgatory is a place on Earth similar to Hell because of the things they make you do, but you wouldn't say it was a "celestial" place because it just looks like a mountain on an island. The people who end up in Purgatory are sinners who've regretted committing those sins, and they have to spend a period of time long # times their lives, depending on the sin they committed

"Behaving properly" isn't a thing there, you can do anything as long as you do what you were told to do (which takes all your time so that's why you don't have to "behave"), and it's probably the reason why Hanako isn't scared of acting like he's acting, he knows that he'll go to Heaven after those years have passed anyways

He does all this stuff because he's allowed to, since his God probably assumed that he wouldn't have time for anything else and doesn't pay attention to him, since he's supposed to be repenting and not sacrificing highschool girls

I think I'm done for now!! If I come up with anything else about this I'll just reblog it (watch this get 15 notes maybe)

[iamnmbr3]

What did lily do exactly do destroy voldemort? hasn't anyone sacrificed themselves before for someone they loved?

Yeah I feel like the canon explanation doesn't go far enough. If it was that simple I think it would happen more and would've been something Tom would've known about. Especially since lots of people were fighting and in danger during the first reign of Voldemort and during Grindelwald's period of power. So this sort of thing would've happened at least one other time, even if there were several conditions to be met (like Lily specifically not having originally been a target and being offered the chance to live).

We also only have Dumbledore's word for what happened and how it works and even though out of universe we're supposed to take this at face value, in universe we've certainly seen that he can often be wrong (or dishonest).

We know that in the world of Harry Potter blood magic and blood sacrifice can have great power. This seems to be a branch of magic that is less studied and is more associated with dark magic. The ritual Tom uses to create his new body at the end of book 4 is an example of this. And potentially also the ritual he used to create the temporary body he was in for most of book 4 until he could make a better one.

So I wonder if Lily did some kind of blood magic ritual using herself, and potentially even James, as sacrifices to give Harry protection. This could explain why the protection seems to be linked to Harry's blood (which we know to be the case since Voldemort takes Harry's blood to neutralize the protection enough to be able to touch or harm Harry without burning). This could also even explain how insistent she is on trying to get Voldemort to kill her instead, or at least first.

Since Voldemort takes Harry's blood we know that he is aware of and believes in the power of the magic relating to Lily's sacrifice. And yet he still professes to have seen no proof of the power of love. So he, at least, seems to think there is some other explanation for the protection Lily put on Harry other than nebulous love magic.

(Though of course if she was willing to use herself as a blood sacrifice this is still an act of love, even if it isn't literal "love magic" fueled by love; perhaps Dumbledore even understood this and decided to be "creative" with his explanations to Harry, as per usual, because that sounded better than saying Lily protected him with dark magic using herself as a blood sacrifice in a heretofore unknown ritual).

Tom Riddle obviously had a lot of years as a wraith to think about what happened and to try to figure out a solution. And he definitely did figure out something. Because he realized the power would be in Harry's blood and by taking that blood into himself he could imbibe some of it and reduce its effectiveness against him. He understood what happened enough that he was able to come up with and implement a solution that did work for the most part.

And that solution centered around blood.

[puckinghischier]

A (kinda) open love letter to hockey

i don’t really know why, but i just have this urge to articulate some of the thoughts swirling in my brain this week. about how much i love the game, the atmosphere, the presence, the players, and everything else surrounding this sport.

i didn’t grow up around hockey, football being the most loved sport in my corner of the world. and honestly, i saw hockey as a ‘filler’ sport most of the time, no one ever really talking about it or watching it. it was just there. always browsing channels and seeing a game on, but never once giving it a second glance.

and i’ll be so totally transparent, the hockey romance books on tik tok are what got me, not a genuine love for the sport itself. i only started watching because i wanted to understand the lingo used and scenarios explained in the books.

i kept seeing all of these tik toks about various players, halfway paying attention and only really commenting on how attractive they were. but then, i really started watching them. i started seeing the personalities peek through each media post, how each one plays the game in their own way, the friendship among the players on and off the ice.

of course, i went through a couple different teams and ‘typical’ duos before settling on my team (the devils, duh). i actually remember scrolling through tumblr, seeing this random man keep popping up on my timeline, not understand why people kept talking about him or where he came from. and lo and behold, imagine my surprise when i saw nico’s face on the devils roster, my mystery man finally identified.

and all the time i’m asked by those around me (mostly the men) “what in the world got you so into hockey? and a team from new jersey at that?”

of course, no matter my response they all just assume it’s because of their looks, but how do you explain the abundance of feminine love and comfort that sits within you for a sports team of grown men, to a man? so i just laugh and go on, telling them i just liked the ‘good vibes’ of their social media videos.

but they won’t ever get it.

they don’t see the way i look forward to coming home from work every day during the season to watch a game. whether the day was good, or bad, or just okay. i know that there’s always that one good thing to be excited about. win or lose.

they don’t see the joy i experience when they win. i always celebrate in some way, even when i’m alone in my bedroom. a little victory dance, an air high five to my tv (if you read this no you didn’t 💔), a text to one of the various friends this sport has brought me.

but of course, they don’t see the friends i’ve gained from hockey. i know there’s some taboo-ness surrounding the idea of friends on the internet, but what else are you supposed to do when you were a teenage girl in the 2010s, where social media was everyone’s main source of communication (and still is). the world is so much more joyous when you can bond with strangers over common interests, no matter where you’re placed in the world. and duh, we all have common sense and know when someone isn’t who they say they are. we are professionals at this, after all.

they choose not to see the depth and layers to sports that so many of us are able to see. they don’t understand that sports aren’t a just a collection of wins and losses. they’re not just a database of stats. they’re these players lives. it’s something these people have worked so hard for —sacrificed for— since they were kids. they don’t hold the same compassion that we do for bad days or bad plays.

they don’t see the appeal of liking multiple teams, not understanding the joy in the fact that each team has something different to offer. it’s always black and white to them. you like one team, and hate all the rest. but, where’s the joy? where’s the joy missed out on in being able to discover and study a whole new roster? where’s the joy in only consuming content about one team? cause me personally, i find a lot of joy in witnessing the nuances of a team other than my own. i find joy in learning the history and traditions of different fanbases.

they don’t see the way that this sport has carried me through the first major loss of my adult life. the fact that when everything felt so wrong and dismal, the only thing to put a smile on my face was this silly game with its silly guys. it was something to be excited about on a day full of goodbyes and grieving. it was a distraction from the reality of the world around me.

so yeah, i’m sure when they see that i’m suddenly obsessed with a sport with large, fit men, they’re gonna chalk it up to the fact i just like looking at them. but they don’t see everything i see when i look at the sport of hockey as a whole.

and maybe i’m just being dramatic and too caught up in my own head, but there was something in me that just needed to write this down. organize it. and maybe you don’t care, but maybe you do.

but my love letter to hockey will always be ongoing, incomplete, and open-ended. because there’ll always be a new season to watch, new players to show love. i will always find new things to love about the sport, every game watched peeling back another layer to be observed.

but for today, i’ll go through and scroll on social media, consuming all the content i can while waiting for the game tonight. then i’ll put on my jersey, sit in my room, and watch. i’ll enter that bubble once again and live in a world only consumed by hockey for a few hours. and when the game is over, win or lose, i’ll carry the joy and comfort of the game with me into whatever tomorrow brings, ready to do it all over again.