#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here

[nervocat]

man.

[mxltifxnd0m]

imagine sam being a hypervigilant parent when his kids start using the internet bc when he was like 12 he used to go in chat rooms and play games with other people (who he supposed to be his age ofc bc he’s smart) and he met someone who he thought was a rlly pretty girl who understood him and was totally hot wanted to meet him and they were in the same area but they never ended up meeting bc he left town on the day it was all supposed to go down (he begged john to stay but john is a cunt so he was like “naur”) and like a few days or weeks later (however long it’d take to forget it) there’s a news report on a child trafficking ring that’d got busted and if they showed the photo they used to try catfish ppl sam would be like “shit” in his head and he never talked to anyone about it because he thought ppl would see him as stupid.

anyways cut forward to now and ur like proper confused as to why he’s so hypervigilant like “urm why r u such a helicopter parent around the kids” obvs you’d be protective too but he’s a different breed

also side note he kept them off the internet until like they started middle school and even then he was reluctant, if he had the full say he wouldn’t have allowed them on the internet until high school

yeah then he tries to keep it from u bc he’s scared you’ll see him as less masculine and more stupid so you two drift until it kinda turns into a big(ish) argument but eventually in bed after the kids have gone to sleep u ask him and play with his hair and he breaks down and tells you everything and how he still thinks about it to this day and you just comfort him as he holds you suffocatingly tight, like veins are visible he’s using that much force and his biceps are flexed and his boob is twitching like in that one scene in s1 where he’s shirtless fresh out the shower (i heard it’s a nervous twitch idk) but yeah and you just make him feel loved and comforted through and through

then when the kids are old enough for the story to be comprehensible to them he tells them and they understand and make sure they’re careful (obvs there’s still gonna be arguments bc they’re teenagers but ygm)

-💽

oh god this is going to break my heart T_T but i could believe this happening to sam because he probs would have unrestricted internet access when he had the chance to be on a computer in the local library so he would be playing games and going on chat rooms. but lets not forget that his boy is 12 and doesn't exactly know the rules of the internet since they weren't well established at the time.

but yeah i think he would have a negative outlook and berate himself for being naive and so trusting of people on the internet and it puts him off of chat rooms and any kind of social media. and im of the mindset that he wouldnt be a fan of dating apps because we all know the catfish rate on those loll

ooh yeah he would be so anal about having screen time for your kids and limits them and has parental control on all of his kids devices and checks it constantly for what your kids are doing and you figured that this was just for his peace of mind but you thought it was a bit excessive but you let it happen. but yeah i agree the fact he'd try to keep them off of the internet as long as possible but his kids are smart and are able to work around it (they just go to you if they need help with it and what not) but he knows its inevitable that his kids need to use it for school and what not.

ooh i could see this becoming a big argument because he might become really overbearing with his kids and being paranoid about who's out there on the internet and he's kept this to himself for so long (he hasn't even told dean about this) and when you do argue about it, he eventually blows up and admits to what almost happened to him when he was younger and you let him talk it out and comfort him. now you know why he's been overbearing with the kids and them being online.

ughh please don't put that in my mind because i will start clawing at the enclosure i get put in when i see a half-naked sammy (i will be putting this key detail in my next smut fic trust lol) but yes he just needs to hold you as he calms down and falls asleep as you coo in his ear telling him he's safe and loved and other warm sentiments as the two of you calm down from the argument and all of the big emotions that were expressed that night.

and yeah i fully believe that he tells his kids about his experience when they're older so they can understand the full gravity of the danger on the internet. they would be understanding just like their father but before he admits it to them, they're definitely stubborn and they kinda roll their eyes at him being like 'we know what we're doing' and being stubborn little shits like him lol

[lettucedloophole]

hi apologies if youve alr made a post abt this (if u have, then maybe u can add a link to that specific post?) but i just wanted to ask for ur perspective bc this is smth i keep getting hung up on and i rlly only trust u to answer:

why would abolishing gender be harmful to trans ppl if transphobia stems from emphasis on traditional gender roles, and the abolishment would further their focus on relieving dysphoria thru physical sex change instead of relieving it by having to conform to sociological femininity and masculinity as a means to adapt in this patriarchal society?

thank you for taking the time to read and answer this <3

no worries! i haven't made a post about this before since no one's asked, but i'll answer it right here for you.

the answer is, it wouldn't be harmful. abolishing gender would ultimately be the best for everyone, but especially lgbt people & women. however... the contextualization of this point is what makes or breaks it. let me explain--

trans people have a negative reaction when people discuss abolishing gender not only for the same reason cis people might (a kneejerk reaction to protect the status quo), but also for the very valid reason of wanting to defend transness in a transphobic society. it's the same reason why some gay people will react negatively to the fact that homosexuality is a social construct, and therefore cannot be innate; most people use this argument to justify homophobia & patriarchy.

the thing is, to abolish gender, sex must also be abolished as it's the primary method of naturalizing gender. sex is a social construct-- it's not natural. however, terfs and any garden variety conservative will reify gender through the naturalization of sex. they'll say, "cis women and men are natural, but trans people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." similarly, "heterosexual people are natural, but gay and bi people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." eliminated can mean killed or, forcibly dissolved into the "natural" categories via bullshit self-loathing propaganda.

a really easy way to understand why this is so upsetting to trans people is just comparing their situation to gay people or women's, really, as they are so similar. if you walked up being like "wow i cant wait for gays to be abolished<3" ofc people will assume you mean it in a homophobic sense rather than a complicated, radical feminist sense, and if you're focusing on the abolition of minority groups in particular, it does likely stem from bigotry. not saying that you've said anything like that lol, but those examples are the best way i can illustrate the point.

also, everyone on the internet hates radical feminism, so regardless of how eloquently you explain your point & how sensible it is, if you associate it with radical feminism people will ignore what you say, misinterpret you so severely that it seems deliberate but could very well be internet stupidity, and also throw tomatos at you. 😭 radfems, matfems & a handful of marxist, anarchist, intersectional fems + womanists are the only ones i trust to not be covert antifeminists.

last p.s.: we don't know what a society outside of patriarchy looks like. assuming people will continue getting sex changes assumes the existence of a natural sex binary, though it's possible people may change "sex" characteristics as they please. trans people's issue is not only being forced into gender roles, but a hatred of transness which puts them into a catch-22 regarding survival under patriarchy-- they're "reifying patriarchy" if they transition, but plagued with dysphoria, martyrs to a post-patriarchal world centuries away from us if they don't. perhaps, a similar scenario would be if you told a gay or straight person to simply see people as gender/sexless and to experience attraction, to give affection as though we lived in a post-patriarchal society-- it just wouldn't be possible, and for the gay person who is particularly vulnerable under patriarchy, it would more likely be traumatizing. dworkin put it so succintly in woman hating...

i hope that wasn't too repetitive or long, i just wanted to be thorough. admittedly, this is kind of a loaded answer if you aren't familiar with sex as a social construct, so if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask!

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

your inbox has been visited by the snuggly love trio! once called upon, their invigorating presence immediately cleanses your blog of all negativity and uplifts your mood.

(also. if you had to take like a week or so of a break away from the polls to recharge/clear ur head I don't think anyone would be upset. u should take care of yourself and do what's best for you, especially before any ill condition, mental or otherwise, aggravates)

first of all those 3 are very cute, secondly i rlly appreciate the support 💖💖 ill probably postpone the polls a bit but tbf i never set a date for them so at least i dont feel the need to apologize about that dgjdhdhdhdh

but yeah i might need some time, for now im leaving the nomination form open, though

[bones-shifts]

hi! just found your blog, it’s so cute! :) i haven’t shifted yet but i’m trying to. i’ve got a few questions if you don’t mind!

how often do you shift? my friend who shifts said she doesn’t shift every day bc it’s draining… i was wondering how often you think is good?

this is definitely a commonly asked question, but how did you keep up motivation to shift? i was super into it, super eager and hopeful about a year ago, but months went by and i started to wonder if i’d ever shift. took a like 8 month break and now i’m trying to start up again. i’m also really depressed, lol, struggling with why i want to shift. trying to stay away from the idea of shifting to escape, and instead think of it as shifting to experience things that are impossible in this reality. i’m afraid i’ll get too attached to shifting and make it even harder for myself to enjoy life here. that being said, i really wanna shift.

and finally, method advice? also, are there any subliminals you can recommend? specifically marvel ones if you have any, but also general ones for when i use my other script.

sorry, that’s kind of a lot! thanks for taking the time to read (and hopefully answer) this!!

have a wonderful day❣️

yo :) tysm i think my blog is mid tbh but let's get to answering!

--

1) I don't shift often but I do stay long. I sometimes shift to my WR because my cr is making me too stressed. I would probably stay there for a week or two until I feel better and can handle being back in me cr

Your friend is right, it is pretty draining so I don't do it as often, i just stay longer. I'd also advise you to do the same thing when you shift, don't shift daily, shift maybe once every few weeks. Depends on you tbh. I like to shift only every few months because it is a little draining but some ppl are built different and shift every week or daily even so yeah just try it out

--

2) Hm, i'll tell you straight up it is not easy keeping motivation for this. I'm depressed too, finding motivation to do anything for me is honestly super fucking hard. That's why I said I only shift sometimes, shifting is easy but sometimes I don't want to do it. Motivation is annoying

shifting specific motivation for me is just consuming the content that relates to my dr, just shoving myself in the scenes and imagining im fighting along side with my comfort character rlly helps

also just acting out scenarios i would like to happen with my comfort characters in my drs is rlly motivating

eh motivation advice rlly isnt my thing

--

3) Method advice hmmm, i'd say to keep it simple. Someone said to mix them up, your favourite ones. Julia method and the heartbeat method idk just have fun with them

try new ones once in a while, don't keep using one. If you feel like the specific method you're using is 'not working' choose a new one start fresh, it might work

Subliminals I reccommend,

⋆ shift reality instantly ⋆ wake up in your dr ⋆ 6hz theta waves/rain ⋆

FLUSHING SUBLIMINAL! (remove negative energy ++ blockages) IMPROVE VISUALIZATION SKILLS FOR SHIFTING SUBLIMINAL! (bundle) visualization subliminal ·₊̣̇. 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅’𝒔 𝒆𝒚𝒆 ࿐໋₊

Powerful Marvel Shifting Hypnosis

Yeah uh these are some i use, these are not all subliminals for shifting specifically some are flushes and they help to remove blockages and negative thoughts which are really fucking good

and also you don't need subliminals you can actually just use anything to shift, certain songs and ambiences that also will help you shift

i use really long subliminals mainly because why not

--

anyways hope this helped lovely :) <3

[snarktheater]

hey, do you have any tips on getting into the WoT or the realm of the elderlings? weird question, probably: I don't keep stuff like that in mind for my favourite media but idk I figured I'd ask. I've always wanted to get into them but they're rlly dense compared to what I'm used to and even the first WoT book is longer than the longest book I've ever read, and that was Priory of the Orange Tree, so-

Well, with Wheel of Time, my main tip would be: be aware that the series changed a lot as it developed. Robert Jordan set out to do his take on Lord of the Rings, as in: take the same premise (kids from an idyllic countryside forced into a quest for the sake of the world) but with his own twist on it. That's book one, and as such, a lot of the universe's rules aren't fully set in stone. This isn't to say it's completely incoherent with the rest of the series, just that after book one, things change dramatically in terms of what the books are. Even just the PoV distribution is wildly different, for instance.

Past book one, people might argue similar turns happen around book 3 and somewhere in the middle books. There is also the infamous "slog", a few books after the midpoint (which books are included depends on who you ask, but somewhere around 8-10) where Jordan is juggling so many plot threads that a few of them don't seem to meaningfully advance. It never felt as bad to me as many other people, and in fact I tend to think of Winter's Heart (book 9) as one of my favorite, but I'd rather people be warned than let them go in blind. By the time you get to those books, you'll either be invested enough that you'll probably want to keep going or you'll already have given up from earlier books because it's Just Not For You, so I don't think being aware of it is a negative.

That said, at this point, I would say the show adaptation by Amazon [obligatory retching noises] is actually stellar so far. Not a replacement for the books, because it puts its own spin on the story and characters, but it's faithful enough to the spirit of the books that I would say it could be a good idea to check out the show first, then go read the books if it seems like something you'd enjoy. At least it's something worth considering.

As for the Elderlings books, first it's important to note that there are five series in publishing order:

The Farseer trilogy/Royal Assassin in some places

The Liveship Traders trilogy

The Tawny Man trilogy

The Rain Wild Chronicles quadrilogy

The Fitz and the Fool trilogy

Plus a couple short stories I'm not even really going to talk about here. Of these, three center around the same protagonist (Farseer, Tawny Many and Fitz&Fool) and are told entirely from his first-person perspective, while the other two are third person with switching PoVs.

I'd say it's fine to start with the first two Fitz trilogies (Farseer then Tawny Man). Maybe it's my bias showing, because they were in fact packaged as a single series by the French publisher I got them from first, but reading them back to back really does feel like one continuous narrative, even if there's a clear break between the two with a time skip and everything. They also have the advantage of focusing on one place and set of characters, and it's really only by the end of the second one that you can start seeing the thematic and overarching narrative that Robin Hobb is building there.

After that, Liveship Traders is set between the two (and was also published in between) but can definitely be read afterwards. There's a couple cameos in the Tawny Man trilogy but the order is somewhat interchangeable as far as I'm concerned, even after rereads, but it's only post-Tawny Man that this series doesn't feel like a standalone that just happens to share one (major) character. And even then, you can only guess that it's the same character until Tawny Man.

Once you're past that, the Rain Wilds Chronicles follows up on the Liveship Traders, with (mostly) a different set of characters but essentially continuing the narrative on that side of the world. It was published after the Tawny Man and should also be read afterwards, again for reasons of world developments and thematic setup.

Fitz and the Fool is a conclusion to the entire world narrative (so far? I don't think Hobb has any plans to keep going) so that one's definitely for last. It's also the one that most clearly connects all the existing characters.

So tldr: try the first two Fitz trilogies. If you like them, you're almost certain to like all the other books. If you don't like them, do consider trying Liveship Traders since it does kinda work as a standalone. You never know what might click with you.

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

Okay, so, I've been reading your TPWP fic for a while, and I rlly like it! But something has been bothering me

In one of your ending notes, you said that Mondo kinda knew Taka had a crush on him, and they already started the sexual stuff at that point

So, wouldn't that make it kind of manipulative? Because from basic logic, the more they do the sexual stuff, the more Taka will fall in love with him and want to be with Mondo, but Mondo didn't show any clear signs of it being mutual for Taka to see, which would only hurt Taka more... I might be exhagerating but that doesn't sound really healthy :/

Also, Mondo never really apologized for his behaviour, not a proper apology at least, one that Taka really deserved.

I still enjoy your fic a lot, don't get me wrong! But some of Mondo's actions and portrayels seem a bit off and not very healthy in a relationship, platonic or romantic...

(please don't get mad sorry :') have a good day!)

Hey! Thanks for the ask!! And don’t worry, I don’t mind answering questions, especially if it’s bothering you with the story! I completely understand what you mean, so let me try and explain it the best I can.

Just a warning, in order to discuss your problem, I had to go over some other things too, and it’s a bit long and rambling since I wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it all. Just letting you know. :-)

(Explanation under a read more to prevent spoilers for people who don’t want them. It also gets pretty long, since... duh, it's me, ha.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway. I’m going to first answer your not-quite-a question about if their relationship is healthy or not, since I think that’s a better to place to start than Mondo’s supposed manipulation. And as for if it is healthy or not, I will say that… no. No, it is not. Nothing about Taka and Mondo’s relationship is healthy, and I did that on purpose. But it’s not in the way I think y’all might be thinking.

See, Taka and Mondo are too codependent. They rely on one another a lot; constantly around the other, clinging to them and taking comfort from them, etc. And that’s not necessarily bad, right? It’s good to take strength from a partner or friend, and it’s good to lend your strength to them in return.

The problem that arises with Mondo and Taka is that they don’t ever talk about it. About their relationship or their anxiety/insecurity. They cling to the other, taking and giving strength, but they never try and work out what’s wrong. I’ve had Taka try many coping mechanisms in this story, right? Push it all down, allow himself to feel everything he’s feeling, live moment to moment, etc. etc. But I’m sure y’all noticed how none of them worked long term. And that was done by design.

See… Taka is going through a lot, you know? He’s dealing with his grief for his mother, he’s trying to come to terms with the abuse he dealt at the hands of his classmates (and it was abuse, okay? Bullying is abuse), not to mention his crippling loneliness and anxiety and the neglect from his father. But he never fully acknowledges any it. He pushes it all down, shoves it aside, and never looks at it. When he realized he was in love with Mondo, he did the exact same thing. Conceal, don’t feel, and all that jazz.

But, guys… that’s unhealthy. And it led Taka to cling to Mondo, to make him an emotional crutch, without ever questioning why he feels how he feels. And without talking to Mondo about it. This is unhealthy and no matter how well Taka seems to be doing, the only thing that will help him (and Mondo, since he has a similar problem)? Is to talk to Mondo about it. To acknowledge his problems, acknowledge his love, and confront it head on. Until he does that, he will always be miserable and he will be dependent on Mondo to make him feel even slightly okay, which is unfair to both of them.

Basically…they rely on one another too much and it’s bad for their relationship, either platonic or romantic. It’s unhealthy no matter what way you look at it. Again, it’s not bad to lean on a partner or a friend, but you need open communication to be able to do that without putting unnecessary strain on both yourself and your partner. However, this is something that can be fixed, so just because it’s unhealthy doesn’t mean their relationship is bad. They just need to learn how to communicate. Which (spoiler alert)…… they eventually do, ha.

(Just a warning, this next part goes into some minor spoilers for the next chapter, as well as TPWM. Mostly about Mondo’s headspace and things like that. Just a warning.)

Now, onto the manipulative part… see, while I can understand why you’d see it that way, I don’t for one main reason. And that reason is because Mondo is going through the exact same problems Taka is, but even worse somehow, because he refuses to take any strength from Taka. He thinks he must be strong at all hours, must be able to handle everything just fine on his own, but he honestly can’t. Not only is he going through his own problems and grief, but he’s also kind of going through Taka’s, too. He’s giving a lot of himself to Taka, being the pillar that Taka needs, but he’s not really getting any feedback in return. Like…

Okay. So, I mentioned that Mondo knows Taka likes him, right? And he does. Taka is kind of obvious about his feelings and Mondo is a perceptive person. But the thing is… Mondo doesn’t actually think the feelings are real. Or, more accurately… he doesn’t think they’d be real if Taka truly knew Mondo.

I’ve been trying to write about this for ages, because I know it’s not been portrayed all that well in TPWP, but Mondo, like… straight up hates himself in this story. And I mean he hates every single aspect of himself. He hates his anger, he hates his weakness… he even hates his kindness, not because he thinks kindness is weakness, but because he doesn’t think it’s real. Like… Mondo was abused in this story, right? He was abused and neglected, and that kind of alters a person’s view of the world. Yes, he had Daiya, but Daiya wasn’t exactly perfect himself. Not to mention he is currently dead, which also really negatively affected Mondo.

I go over this in TPWM a lot, but Mondo doesn’t think himself capable of being kind and gentle. He thinks all he’s good for is being cruel and violent. He wants to helps people, but he doesn’t know how to do it properly. So, instead, he helps by beating up would be rapists or muggers, by stealing from corrupt businesses and giving that stuff to those who need it, things like that. He wants to help people, but he thinks the only way he can do it is by being cruel and violent. He doesn’t think he’s capable of being kind.

He wants to be kind for Taka, though. He wants to be kind and gentle and soft and loving. He wants to be the kind of person that Taka could love and wants to be worthy of loving Taka in return. He wants it so, so bad.

But…

But he doesn’t think he can. He doesn’t think it’s something he can possibly be. All the kindness that we see him do with Taka? The way he soothes Taka and helps him with his problems? He doesn’t think it’s actually real. He thinks it’s an act. Something he’s doing for Taka’s benefit only. And oh, he wants it to be real, wants that so bad, but he can’t allow himself to think it’s real. Because, to him… he’s not allowed to be kind and soft and gentle. Those are things he can’t possibly feel. He’s not allowed.

He knows, objectively, that Taka loves him, but in Mondo’s mind, it’s not him Taka loves. It’s the act Mondo is putting on. It’s the fact Mondo was his first friend and was the first person to treat him kindly. It’s the fact that Taka is a wonderful person and can look passed the horrible things Mondo has done and even possibly see something of value in him. But Taka doesn’t actually love him. Taka can’t, because he doesn’t know who Mondo truly is. And if he did… well.

(Also, just a note, but he also doesn’t think it’s actually love. He’s thinks it’s more like… puppy love or a crush. Not the kind of love Taka actually feels. He doesn’t quite realize how deep Taka’s love runs, because he doesn’t think himself worthy of that love.)

Additionally, a big thing that I explore in TPWM is that Mondo is absolutely convinced that Taka will leave him one day. That Taka will realize that he’s too good for Mondo and will leave Mondo for better pastures, as it were. And Mondo… Mondo is okay with that. Don’t get me wrong, the thought it hurts him terribly and it breaks his heart, since he truly does love Taka, but he knows it’s for the better and that it’s what Taka needs. Taka could never achieve his goals if Mondo were beside him. Mondo knows this and he is willing to back down if that’s what Taka needs. He’s willing to be a stepping stone if it helps Taka advance.

And, as y’all can prolly tell, this isn’t healthy. At all. Mondo has put Taka on so high of a pedestal in his mind that Taka is almost godlike, with Mondo an unworthy worshiper on the ground. And that’s super unfair to both of them. Mondo lifts Taka up by putting himself down and it just furthers the divide between them.

But the reason why Mondo doesn’t leave Taka himself is because he wants to help Taka. He wants to get Taka to see how perfect he is, that his insecurities don’t matter. He wants to build Taka up and help him grow. He doesn’t know how, is struggling a lot, but he wants to help Taka if he possibly can.

And now, back to the manipulative thing, finally… with all of this in mind, I don’t think Mondo can really be seen as manipulative, you know? Because manipulation needs to be conscious. It has to be a person thinking “hm, I want something from this person and I’m going to do whatever I can to get it, even play with their emotions.” But that’s not what Mondo is doing. Not at all.

When Mondo does sexual things with Taka, it’s very complicated in Mondo’s mind. There’s a reason why he freaked out the first time they did it, and it was because he thought he took advantage of Taka. Mondo had been having unwholesome thoughts about Taka for ages and when he and Taka did what they did, Mondo thought that he’d taken advantage of Taka’s naivety and trusting nature. He hated himself so much in that moment, hating what he just did to Taka, certain that he’d just betrayed Taka’s trust entirely. In fact… he prolly thought himself manipulative in that moment, thinking that he’d manipulated Taka into doing that with him. When Taka said he didn’t, that it was okay… well. Y’all know what happened then.

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure where I’m going with this… this is a really hard thing for me to write about, since it’s all about emotions and things and a lot of it is based on how I view the world. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve been struggling so much to explain it, oof. I’ll try to keep going to see if I can’t get something intelligible out.

Anyway. The reason Mondo kept on doing sexual things with Taka despite his misgivings was for two reasons. One that he allowed himself to acknowledge, and one that he kept hidden away, ashamed of it. The one he acknowledged is that it helped Taka relax and learn to not be so uptight, which was always a goal of Mondo’s. He wanted to help Taka and let him see that it’s okay to want things like that. It’s even okay for Taka to be gay, like Mondo was nearly positive Taka was.

His second reason was a lot more selfish, and it’s obviously because Mondo wanted it, too. At first he denied that in himself, pretended that he couldn’t possibly want Taka like that, that he only did it to help Taka. But as time went on, and once everything that happened in the kitchen happened… Mondo realized that he did want it. Want Taka. He hated himself for it, but he couldn’t deny it any longer. He wanted Taka.

But more than that… more than that, Mondo realized that he lovedTaka. More than as a friend or brother. He was in love with Taka and that just… it was so hard for Mondo to acknowledge because he still doesn’t think himself worthy of it. Of loving Taka. Of being loved by Taka. He cannot view Taka as a potential love interest because he doesn’t think he deserves it.

By having him and Taka go on their ‘not-a-date date,’ Mondo was kind of testing the waters. He was trying to see if a relationship between him and Taka could work out. If such a thing were possible. He didn’t ask Taka out, since he knows he has problems with that, and also… it would have made it so much harder for him, having it be voiced like that. It would make it real, a real thing they’re doing, and the pressure would have destroyed Mondo. Completely and fully.

In fact, that’s why Mondo ran at the end of the last chapter. By having Taka say “I’m in love with you,” suddenly everything became real in a way Mondo couldn’t handle. He was doing his best to go through the date without freaking out, without panicking. But then Taka kissed him, said he loved him, and for the first time Mondo allowed himself to acknowledge that oh god, Taka actually means this, he honestly thinks that he’s in love with him, it’s not just puppy love for him, and that just… it was too much. He couldn’t handle it and everything he was trying so hard to keep down came back up again. His self-hatred. His lack of self-worth. He didn’t deserve Taka’s love, he felt. He didn’t deserve to have Taka view him positively. He didn’t deserve to have Taka, period.

He spent their entire friendship dreading the day Taka would leave him, and for the first time… Mondo had to deal with the thought that maybe Taka wouldn’t leave. That maybe Taka was content with staying for the rest of his life, if possible. And that scared Mondo so much, because he knows what he’s like. And he knows that he’d find a way to ruin it. That even if Taka doesn’t want to leave now, Mondo would ruin it and hurt Taka, and Mondo… Mondo couldn’t do that. Couldn’t hurt Taka, not on purpose. Not even on accident. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Taka, but he knew that he would if he stays with Taka.

When he ran, that wasn’t out of malice or a desire to hurt Taka. Instead, that was Mondo’s way of protecting Taka from the panic Mondo could feel building inside of him. Panic that he knows from experience turns all too easily to rage. He didn’t want to hurt Taka. He never wanted to hurt Taka, but he could feel it building up and he knew he couldn’t stop it no matter how hard he tried. So, he fled, knowing that running was the only thing he could possibly do to make things even somewhat better.

There’s a lot more I could write here about what happens next, but y’all won’t understand it without context, ha. I did write it down and I will be posting it with the next chapter, so look for it on my blog then if you want to know more about that.

But the main thing I want to get across here is just that… that Mondo wasn’t being manipulative, because manipulation needs to be conscious, and because Mondo never really thought that Taka truly loved him. He couldn’t think that. He thought he was giving Taka what he wanted by being sexual with him, not realizing Taka needed more. Mondo had no idea that Taka loved him so much, didn’t think such a thing was possible. Also, Mondo wasn’t trying to get sex out of Taka. He didn’t go into the whole thing thinking “heh, I’m gonna use Taka’s feelings to get off, no care for how he feels about the matter.” Mondo legit wanted to do everything with Taka and was doing his best to be what Taka needed. He just… didn’t realize that Taka needed more from him. And by the time he did, he didn’t know how to give it.

Sometimes people who have mental illness or trauma they are struggling with can look manipulative from an outside perspective. But manipulation needs to be conscious. Or it has to be deliberately done to get something. Mondo wasn’t trying to get anything from Taka. He was trying to be selfless and give Taka what he wanted. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know what Taka wanted, since Taka never told him. This goes back to my first point, in that the main problem Taka and Mondo face is that they don’t communicate. While we all know that Taka loves Mondo, and Mondo knew Taka at least had a crush on him, it’s not quite as obvious how deep that love ran. Not from an outside perspective. Mondo thought it was Taka loving the idea of him. Or loving the kindness Mondo showed him. Mondo didn’t realize that Taka was able to see all of his flaws and love him regardless. And that’s not really his fault.

Ultimately, the main thing I wanted to show with this story is that neither Taka nor Mondo are perfect. They are flawed people, but they still deserve to be happy. They deserve to make it through their struggle and come out the other side happy and together. Mondo has some pretty bad flaws with his anger, but it doesn’t make him a bad person. Having anger issues doesn’t mean you are inherently bad or abusive. It just means you have to be careful and conscious of your problems. And Mondo is trying, guys. He really is. It’s just hard for him and he slips up sometimes. Y’all will have to keep this in mind for the next chapter, because… yeah. It gets bad.

~~~

Anyway, I hope this kind of went over your concerns! I know it was a lot more than what was asked for, but y’all know me. I never do anything by halves 😅 Feel free to ask any further questions if this didn’t explain what you wanted it to!!! I never mind explaining things, even if I’m not always the best at getting it across. I think this all will be explained better in TPWM, though I’ve not actually written any of the sexual chapters from Mondo’s perspective yet. I’m still writing the companion to chapter 18, which was the bathhouse chapter, oof. One day I will get to finishing TPWM. Even if it takes me years. Which I’m hoping it won’t, but honestly… who knows anymore. -.-

(Oh! I also wanted to talk about this earlier, but didn't know where to fit it in. But you mention "basic logic" in your question. My answer to that part is... what part of either Taka or Mondo's actions in TPWP are at all logical?? 😅😅😅 These are two dumb, emotionally stunted teenagers. Logic doesn't really factor into their actions as much as it should. Taka tries to be logical, but he fails at it a lot, ha. It's easy for people outside to think "well, this is what would be most logical," but remember that in the heat of the moment, logic doesn't always apply. Especially for teens.)

(Also! I forgot to address the other part of you ask, about the apology thing. And yeah, that is something that I failed to add to this story, but a lot of it is due to the apologies not really fitting into the flow of my writing. A lot of the things Mondo has to apologize for are things that he did in the beginning of the story, and bringing that up in later chapters would stop the story dead and it would just... it was awkward whenever I'd try writing it. But I always imagined that Mondo did apologize for that stuff, I just never was able to write it organically. Maybe one day I'll write a one shot about it, if I ever have the time, ha.

Now, if you meant for things that happened after they became friends... I'll admit that I'm not entirely sure what Mondo has to apologize for. He apologized for what happened on Halloween and-- more than that-- he showed through action that he was going to change. And if there are other times you think Mondo should have apologized but didn't... can you let me know, so I can either explain why I didn't have him apologize, or see if I can add an apology in there if it works? It's late and I'm trying to remember if there is another time when Mondo messed up... there was chapter 20-22, but that was a complicated situation, and I believe I had Mondo apologize there? Not a big apology, but it was something... I think??? Like I said, it's late and I'm exhausted, so let me know if there is a part you want clarification on, since I've been trying to have Mondo not seem like too big of a jerk, ha.) Thanks for the ask, though!!! I hope I didn't seem unhappy with the question at all, ha. Like I said, I like clarifying things if they're unclear in the story. :-)

[weebsinstash]

Brooo me toooo!! I feel the exact same way abt pregnancy so again, am I the doppelganger??? I personally don't DISlike children, but they make me nervous when they're my responsibility bc? I hardly take care of myself? I have a really aggressive anxiety disorder(can it be described as that?) so like putting me in charge of kids for longer than 30 minutes makes me Nervous. And the smaller they are the less time I can spend with them. Plus i don't want to mutilate my body w childbirth :/

Yeah, legit. I didn't even know until the last year or so but the country I live in, America, is actually number 1 in the entire world with documented maternal mortality, which tells you a lot about how "developed and sophisticated" we rlly are tbh. They dont teach you in school that childbirth can be fatal, or that a baby's kick can break your ribs, or that giving birth can literally break your pelvic bones, or that certain birth control doesn't even work over a certain weight, or fuck, what a venous air embolism is, which is extremely fatal. Dunno what that is? Neither did I until the internet! But it's caused by a fairly common sexual practice!

You know, I found out just within the last year, but when my own mom was 16, she was on birth control but somehow, it failed, and she got pregnant. She had an abortion and I don't judge her for it even a single bit.

Honestly a good part of my negative views towards motherhood and pregnancy come from how heavily stigmatized abortion has become in my country, and the concept of not having kids at all. Would you call that spite? I was never a big fan of having kids, but seeing enormous groups of people treat women like animals and incubators just cemented the need to have control over my own body. Did you know in America, 9 times out of 10 you can't get a hysterectomy until you're 35 because "you might change your mind" and something called medical paternity, which is a fancy way of saying your doctor personally doesn't want to do it? It's horrifying. I find it legimately frightening and the way my country treats reproductive rights alone makes me wish I was born a man (though tbh I've felt before I sometimes skirt the nb border but fkgkfkfnf irrelevant)

To be honest when I've considered writing pregnancy in my yandere fics, it's usually in some sort of coercive manipulative way, which I guess closely mirrors how I personally think the subject is often used. I can hardly care for myself, but I'm expected to care for another life because of, what, obligation? No thank you. I strongly feel any child of mine would be very unhappy for too many reasons to even count.

People should never feel pressured into being parents. I remember reading a reddit thread once full of people who regretted becoming parents and you know what? It's sad but something we need to normalize. Having children shouldn't be the default. People shouldn't be shamed for focusing on themselves. We need to stop saying "just put them up for adoption then" when just the process of birth can be fatal, traumatizing, and extremely painful.

Is my Democrat showing? Maybe I'm just really cynical for my age. I just strongly believe people's lives should be within their own hands.

Gkdjkdjfjj anyone please let me know if this is a triggering subject for you and I can tag it but yeah. I hope no one is hurt by what I've said as I've tried to be gentle with the subject. I just dont ever see myself having children and i... Simply don't like being around them. Also for how many people preach "just put it up for adoption" my country has shockingly low adoption rates which just leads to more suffering and only adds to my pregnancy-fear

[dyketectivecomics]

{{ Okay, as a fellow aficionado of playlists, I HAVE. TO ASK. About those songs you've chosen! Throw 5k at me, I DON'T MIND! But I'm dead-serious and deadly curious about what soundtrack I should be imagining for Magic Fam scenes. ;P (Maybe pick your Top 10, because Attention Spans are a thing. but if you want to make it into a full-blown lyrical analysis project, I'm totally down for reading that, too.)

I tried to pare this down as much as possible (kept around 1k so theres that!) w/out being too rambly, & still including a bit over that 10 bc i can’t PICK THINGS, but without any further ado & in no particular order~

Have Some Magic Fam’s Greatest Hits/Must Hears (under the cut):

- I’d say p much All of Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nick’s is worth listening to, but some highlights i wanna point out real quick are gonna be “Hold Me”, “Little Lies”, and Nick’s “Whole Lotta Trouble”.While most of these will have the greatest frame of reference with an Idealized Version of John & Zee’s relationship, the purely mystical sounds that they bring into their music also lends itself to something that I can only describe as nostalgic for myself. My dad played a lot of Fleetwood/Nicks when i was younger & its the kind of sound that you can put on as bg, just allowing yourself to get lost in the music or let it drift softly w/out taking too much attention. It’s the kind of music that i absolutely see Constantine & Zatanna reaching as a middle ground (what w/ John being very punk rock, and Zee i see as being an absolute sucker for pop) Its just a very happy middle & represents an idyllic childhood I’d want for Raven.

-Moving up to Angsty Teen Years, and doing a lot of projection in the mean time: i’d push/encourage listening to Linkin Park and Flyleaf. But not their heavier stuff, no. Start with something like “Shadow of the Day” & “Leave Out All the Rest” (LPs) and “There for You” (flyleaf). I absolutely headcanon Raven (in any canon) being introduced to Flyleaf thru Aunt Alice (as a way to try to Connect through a musical middle ground for reasons that would be Obvious for anyone who knows the band’s history/focus a bit more on the lyrics for certain songs…). By the time Raven meets Rose (who would introduce her to LP) she’d absolutely start edging into a Goth/Emo/Scene phase. #LetRavenHaveACringyTeenPhase2kwhatever like, just imagine her screaming her head off to “One Step Closer” while Constantine’s in the next room like ‘not my style, but good for u kid’ while he slowly turns up The Clash

-Honorable Mentions bc they have more to do w/ general relationship dynamics include:“(They Long To Be) Close to You” by The Carpenters, this is v self-indulgent, bc Simpsons fans might remember this is Homer & Marge’s song. it absolutely falls in line w/ Fleetwood as being a Love Anthem during Rae’s childhood before John n Zee move slowly into their Little Lies phase if you will“Sins of My Youth” by Neon Trees, where you start to see some breakdown btwn the two. bc the reality is that they’re BOTH weighed down by things in their past, and unless they really WORK at those things (which 9/10 john usually ISN’T) then they WILL start to break apart. helps that theres an extra layer/theme of addiction which i think adds to the tone of the song as well as hits the nail a little on the head (which brings me to the next song…)“Demons” by Imagine Dragons, (gonna show my 2010s scene phase a bit here) bc this one is HELLA on the nose/cliche for all of them, BUT YA NEED TO BE A BIT CLICHE SOMETIMES OK? this song just WORKS so well for them all and its… not quite a bop, but like? its Good. it’s Been Good and I’m so sad that it got so overplayed when first released to the point of oversaturation, its a Shame“You Learn” by Alanis Morissette, funnily enough, i was listening to this one while driving, and like? so many little Zatanna & Raven ideas kept popping into my head. it really helped to help form ideas and tone of how i want their relationship to be, and provided a great stepping stone like getting into the zone for writing that most recent chapter of Retrieval (& @squiddybeifong i actually rlly wanna rec this one esp & feel free to give the rest of these, in case where you were wondering how trash my music taste is for this AU lmao)

TBH i think ima break my music library overall like this for this AU:

70s rock/pop absolutely encompasses Raven’s childhood, so ages 5-10/11. Anything 90s Punk/early Aughts Alt Rock is Raven’s Teen Angst Phase in SPADES. On the opposite end of that, Zatanna & Raven’s relationship could probably be encompassed by the feelings I get from listening to 90s pop/rock, and Constantine & Rae’s would be more U2/80s-ish, think “Sunday Bloody Sunday” or maybe “With or Without You” vibes would be better? NO WAIT “Stay (Faraway, So Close!)” THAT ONES DEF A GOOD ONE FOR THEM BOTH UGHHHH- everything else gets sorted into Particular Circumstances & Feelings/Events… and there’s couple of those so-

Last but not least, while I don’t see Raven being quite the romantic thats presented in this song, “The Only Exception” by Paramore also includes a lot of that great relationship angst that anyone who’s seen their parents go through bad breaks & have it negatively affect how they enter their own relationships… yeah, i’ve said a lot there, that probably didn’t rlly need explaining for such a simple song but like… it Works for this dynamic, esp since John & Zee aren’t MEANT to completely last in this. not without a lot of work that I’m still… trying to be sure that they want to work out, if that makes sense? (bc i know what *I* want but that might not necessarily be where they take me lmao)

tl;dr- i have shit music taste bc my own parents raised me on a lot of shit that they loved

[painhaver]

hey um, im sorry if this is weird. and if it is u don't have to reply. but i think im starting to realize i might have been experiencing psychosis for years. do you have any advice for someone who wants to seek help but doesn't know how?

im glad u feel comfortable reaching out to me lol ill def give u any advice that i can, disclaimer that im only speaking from my own experiences n also i live in the US so idk if yr medical system differs from mine

• in my experience w doctors in general, not just when seeking help for psychosis, it's a generally good idea to not only describe yr symptoms but also tell them specifically How theyre affecting u in yr day to day life. example: "i think im experiencing hallucinations, my hallucinations make it difficult for me to focus on everyday tasks n cause me anxiety that further limits my ability to do [insert task here]"

• b aware too that if u tell yr doc/psychiatrist that yr experiencing psychosis theyre likely gnna want to put u on antipsychotic medication. antipsychotics can have some weird side effects n every med is different, if u try one n it doesnt work for u or has side effects that worsen other symptoms/that u generally just dont like, tell yr doctor RIGHT AWAY. common side effects of antipsychotics r weight gain [n sometimes weight loss], dry mouth, drowsiness/sedation, and dizziness. in some cases u might also get tremors but if u do u shld def tell yr doctor right away. also know that u have the right to refuse any medication, yr doctor cannot force u to take anything u dont want to take n if they try to, find a new doctor n consider reporting them if u believe they cld b dangerous to other psychotic patients

• before speaking to yr doctor, write down yr symptoms. it doesnt have to b a clinical thing, esp cuz logging psychotic symptoms can b difficult [i often dont realize im having a delusional episode until after i break out of a delusion, n it can b hard to distinguish some hallucinations from reality]. if it's easier for u i suggest keeping a journal that u write in every day regardless of if u think yr having psychotic symptoms that day or not, just write down yr thoughts n maybe some things that youve seen/heard/experienced that day. u can go back later n might b able to pinpoint which days were heavy psychosis days n which ones werent. try journaling at different times of day too, psychosis can get worse at different times of day for different ppl. track yr moods too, psychosis can b caused by many different disorders, from bipolar to schizospec disorders to some personality disorders, even things like depression or ptsd can cause acute psychotic symptoms. many of these diagnoses r also dependant on a knowledge of yr mood symptoms as well so it's important to keep track of them as much as u can

• b as honest as u can w both yrself n yr doctor. tell them truthfully what yr symptoms r n how theyre affecting u n what u think yr treatment plan shld b. consider reaching out to close friends n trusted adults [if yr a minor] n tell them abt yr symptoms as much as yr comfortable doing so, let them know how they can help u if yr experiencing psychosis around them n ask for frequent reality checks if yr having difficulty distinguishing reality from psychosis. remember that there r ppl in yr life who love n care abt u, n u shld allow them to help u

• on a somewhat scary note [but it has to b said] b wary of ppl who u think might reject u bcuz of yr psychosis. im sad to say that ableism against psychotic ppl is v real n can b scary to experience. being psychotic can b isolating sometimes, esp when u experience lesser known symptoms such as disorganized thinking/speech. b wary of doctors who try to pressure u into treatments that yr unsure of or that r having negative effects on yr physical or mental health. remember that yr the patient n yr word is g-d, if u want a treatment to stop or if u think that u rnt being listened to, stand yr ground. speak up. report yr doctor for malpractice if u think it's necessary. in that same vein, b open-minded n willing to accept treatments, even on a trial basis. just keep in mind that u have the right to revoke yr medical consent at any time

srry that this post got rlly rlly long lmao but i hope it helps, feel free to shoot me another ask or dm me if u have any other questions ❤️ once again this is based on my own experiences so take it w a grain of salt but i think a good place for u to start wld b symptom tracking at the v least even if u cant/rnt ready to tell a doctor yet [though i encourage u to seek treatment]. stay safe out there :-)