#I reserve my right to feel hurt and sad and angry and so that's just what I'll do

[sc0tters]

Out of It | Mat Barzal

summary: as your relationship with Tito finally hits a breaking point, what happens when Mat is there to pick up your pieces?

request: yes/no

warnings: cheating, failed relationship, drinking, allusions to sex, swearing.

word count: 3.2k

authors note: Kei said I could use the chaotic ending so I did, probably means we’re gonna have to have a part 2 (let me know if you want it). Request said something sad for Tito but happy for Mat and this is what my mind came up with. I actually enjoyed writing this one a lot so I hope you all enjoy reading it! But also don’t cheat on your partners, that’s very fucked up!

part two | part three

Things hadn’t been good for months.

When Anthony was first traded to the Canucks your boyfriend of three years always just assumed that you would join him. But you didn’t, your entire working career was spent in New York building up the your name and you weren’t ready to leave it for some city in Vancouver without the guarantee of a job waiting for you.

That seemed to be the first sign that things were changing as the boy took it as you not loving him.

Tito slammed his hands against your kitchen counter “do you ever support me in this move?” The man groaned in frustration making you taken aback by his outburst.

The accusation hurt you “of course I do.” You yelled back making his irritated tone “the fact that you think I’m gonna pack my life up at the drop of a hat makes me question how you feel about me though.” You crossed your arms sending him a glare.

This argument had gone on for the last fifteen minutes and there was still no clear sign of the end of this argument “look I can’t live in Vancouver but I can split my time between the two cities.” You offered growing tired of the way this was continuing to drag on.

But Anthony didn’t like that offer, in fact that almost felt worse than you just staying in New York “don’t bother.” He sighed pushing past you.

The hockey player moved towards the door “where are you going?” You croaked feeling your throat grow tight “I’ll spend the night with Mat.” Anthony sighed grabbing his shoes from the rack.

Your feet pulled you to the door “we don’t go to bed angry,” you reminded him “you promise.” Tears began rolling down your cheeks as you felt like you were loosing the love of your life “I’ll be back in the morning.” The boy mumbled kissing your forehead.

His lips left their print on your skin before he walked out of the apartment leaving you alone.

You two never actually spoke about that argument again, instead just choosing to ignore the fact that for the first time since you two moved in together Anthony didn’t sleep at home when he was in New York.

It felt like it was meant to be the one anomaly in your relationship or at least until February hit. Valentine’s Day you were meant to be in Vancouver with flights booked and everything but when a last minute meeting came up you had to pull out. Much to the annoyance of Anthony though.

Thinking you were doing the right thing you told him to go enjoy the dinner reservations he made. But after your long day of work when you came home the last thing you expected to see was the rumour mill that twitter made talking about how Anthony had a new girlfriend.

She was taller than you and looked like a blonde supermodel. Through frustration you grumbled something to yourself before you dialled in your boyfriends number “hey y/n!” Anthony was always good about picking up on the first or second ring “yeah I’ll be done in a sec,” he added clearly talking to someone on his side of the call.

You never liked admitting that you felt insecure in your relationship, but how could you not when you were with some hotshot hockey player? It also wasn’t helped by the fact that he lived 3 hours behind you and in a different country “don’t tell me she’s there,” you choked on the words as tears formed in your eyes.

Anthony clicked his tongue hearing the soft whimper you let out “who baby?” His nickname always had you melting into his hand but now you felt repulsed by it “that girl-“ your eyebrows knitted together as you thought the boy was playing tricks on you acting all oblivious.

The hockey player cut you off “told you that Twitter isn’t good for you.” His reminder felt condescending as you sat down feeing like you were having his lecture in person “why are they all talking about it?” Your voice was soft as you wiped your cheek with the back of your hand to clean the tears away from you.

He almost forgot he was on the phone to you as he stared at the girl who was on his couch pointing at her watch to signal that they were late “when she realised that we both had no plans tonight I said she should come with me.” Tito explained leaving you silent as he wasn’t denying that he spent the night with this bombshell of a girl “she’s just a friend though baby you got nothing to worry about.” Somehow his attempt to comfort you only made your nerves stick out more.

You tried to formulate a coherent sentence as you felt stupid for getting all upset “look I’ve got a few days off next week, why don’t I come see you?” He proposed causing that stupid love drunk smile to form on your face “I’d like that a lot.” You nodded missing your boyfriend now more than ever.

From the moment he arrived in New York you two could feel that something was different. As you invited some of his favourite old teammates over for dinner you felt relieved that you weren’t having to spend the night alone with him.

But of course that sense of peace had to be disturbed “baby why don’t you leave those for the morning?” You asked seeing Anthony’s back towards you as you entered the kitchen.

If there was one thing that usually fixed your problems it was sex. Sure that sounded stupid and like you were both teenagers, but as a couple your favourite way to end even the smallest of fights as with sex.

Which is why you thought it was the fix this problem needed “I want to wake up to a clean kitchen.” The Canadian always felt this rewarding feeling whenever he got to see an empty set of sinks in the morning.

You decided to try a little harder as you walked over to him “think I’ve got something a little more fun for you to do before that though.” You mumbled letting your hands slide up the front of his shirt.

That only seemed to piss him off “Jesus y/n let me finish the fucking-” the moment he began lashing out you stepped back keeping your lips shut until he spun around to look at you.

It didn’t take his eyes long to make their way down your body as you tied the string around your robe up clearly deciding that it wasn’t right for tonight “oh,” Anthony’s voice was soft as he realised that you were wearing his favourite lingerie.

The set was something you bought when he was on a long road trip once and you sent him pictures of each set you tried on in the store and when he picked the blue set you went to the airport to pick him up in a coat with nothing on underneath besides for that new set “forget it.” You rolled your eyes now feeling embarrassed as you turned around heading back to your bedroom where you sat on your bed for fifteen minutes waiting for him to come after you.

But he never did and you felt like an idiot.

April came around and you were now onto month four of feeling like something was wrong but you never felt confident enough to talk to Anthony about it so instead you let your relationship get to the worst it had ever been. Excuses were made each time one of you was meant to see the other and as the time between phone calls grew, the amount of fight you put up to see the other person decreased.

Tonight you were going out with some of the guys from the Islanders team. Mat invited you along as they were celebrating their place in the playoff “I know they are your friends.” You rolled your eyes at the phone call as Anthony couldn’t understand how his best friend invited you along.

It was somewhat amusing because Mat was the one who introduced you to your boyfriend “I’m going to support the boys okay?” You heard a knock at the door making you open it.

A smile formed on your face seeing older Canadian as you ushered him inside motioning to him to keep quiet as you were on the phone “yes I’ll let you know when I’m home.” It sounded like you were talking to a parent rather than your boyfriend.

Mat made himself comfortable on your couch as his spread his legs leaning into the soft fabric “I’m going to go now.” And with that you hung up. It irritated you how the first time he called you in over a month was because one of his old teammates mentioned that he was seeing you tonight “you okay kid?” Mat asked furrowing his eyebrows.

Despite the fact that there was only a two year age gap between you both when he met you, you were a freshman in college in your Maple Leafs jersey as you willingly spent your morning in a cafe arguing with the Islander player about how the Canadian team was better. Mat would never admit this to you or Anthony but he thought you were hot, that’s why he invited you to the game when the Maple Leafs came to visit. Why he scored a goal and pointed right up to the box where you sat, but even more so why he scored three goals. But no matter how hard Mat tried to impress you, it was no match against Anthony’s soft smile that he sent you making you weak in the knees.

You sighed sitting next to him “Tito is mad at me again.” You mumbled fiddling with the bracelet that the older boy gave you for your twenty first, the piece of jewellery that you now never take off.

Mat slipped his hand onto your knee giving it a squeeze “don’t worry about him.” The Canadian wanted to act like his crush on you had diminished over the years but when you called him in tears because you realised that you were drowning your sorrows in too much Chinese food for one person to ear during Anthony’s first night in Vancouver. The speed Mat drove across the city going through each red light told him otherwise.

Having him around always comforted you “think I just need to let loose tonight.” You mumbled running your hand through your hair pushing it back unintentionally revealing your collar bones that were highlighted by the low cut of your dress “finally give you a reason to keep up with me.” Mat always drank faster than you as you wrote it down to his lack of a college career where he never got the chance to grow out of it.

You rolled your eyes letting out a laugh “think you’ll be keeping up with me tonight.” You mumbled looking down at your phone to see the time “we’re late,” you groaned quickly getting up. Mat followed your actions with a smile “only means we have to make up for the lost time.” He pointed out making you laugh.

Oh how pretty that sound was.

The bar was packed full of players and their partners with you being the only plus one without a romantic connection to the team. You had practically drunk your way through the bar as the wags believed that you were making up for lost time after you turned down each of their offers to join them on girls night since Anthony left. It was stupid sure, but you always felt out of place when you were with them, so you thought that you’d feel worse without your boyfriend there.

But instead you surprisingly felt like you fitted in as Mat’s arm snaked around your waist “you want another one?” He asked motioning to your empty glass.

The girls had smirks on their faces as they watched your cheeks turn pink feeling his breath on your neck “I’ll come!” You blurted out making them bite the inside of their cheeks to hold in the giggles.

Whilst everyone thought you would marry Anthony, it made all of the girls happy to see you smile and until you or Mat did anything that crossed a line. They didn’t see the point in telling Anthony that his friend was taking care of his girlfriend.

Because to them everything that Mat and you did was friendly, the touches, the smiles, the looks. But what none of them knew was how each of your heart rates increased at the mere thought of the other. Mat locked his hand into yours as he pulled you through the crowd “two refills please.” He asked the bartender with his signature smile.

When the hockey player turned to you he realised you had been staring “what are you thinking about kid?” Mat’s voice was soft as he sat you in the barstool in front of him “how bad would it be if we left?” You cocked your head staring at his Hazel orbs that seemed to be locked into your soul.

Your question made Mat laugh “you had enough?” He frowned wanting to have more of your company for longer. You were quick to shake your head “no of course not,” your cheeks turned pink as you panicked “I just want ice cream and some vodka right now.” The pairing was weird but it seemed to be the only thing going through your mind “well it’s a good thing that I have both of those in my apartment then isn’t it?” His comment made your eyes light up with excitement.

Without thinking he held his hand out to you “they’re all so drunk I don’t think they’ll notice us leave.” Mat mumbled causing you to nod as he pulled you out of the bar somehow without anyone noticing.

During the drive back to his you remained fairly quiet as the Uber driver continued to talk to Mat about what it was like being a hockey player “I’m telling you I think he loves you.” You got the words out between your fit of giggles.

Mat groaned shaking his head “was nervous to have such a pretty girl in his car.” The boy shot back shoving his spoon back into the Häagen-Dazs ice cream container as he ignored the workout he was going to have to do tomorrow.

His compliment made your stomach do flips “think he’d be more affected by you,” you shook your head taking a sip of the expensive vodka that he had given you to drink “if he was gay-“ before you could swallow you let out a laugh resulting in a cough from you.

The hockey player grew alarmed watching your face turn red “you okay?” All you could do was nod until your throat calmed down “you care about me.” You teased rubbing your elbow with his as you smiled.

As much as Mat tried to ignore how he felt about you it was no longer working “of course I do.” The Canadian wanted to scoff that you would ever even consider to think that he didn’t.

But what he didn’t expect as your eyes locked with his was that you would lean forward to kiss him. At first Mat melted into the kiss as this was something he always wanted but as you moved to his lap he was reminded of the fact that you weren’t his “what about Tito?” Mat gasped forcing himself to feel guilty about the situation. Your lips formed a frown “he doesn’t love me anymore Mat,” you shook your head as tears formed in your eyes “and I don’t love him.” It was the first time you had ever actually said that out loud.

Yet it was all true, the fire that was once burning underneath your relationship turned to an occasional spark that had gone into hiding for the last few months. Mat stared at your soft facial expression “why don’t you leave him?” He asked furrowing his brows “don’t want to be alone.” Your confession made you seem week.

Truthfully though you had grown used to Anthony’s company and you were scared to see if you could survive without a boyfriend in your life “you aren’t alone.” Mat sighed tracing his finger along your jaw letting his thumb settle on your lip.

Maybe it was the alcohol talking but if he showed you that he was here for you then maybe you’d leave Anthony for good “prove it to me then baby.” You pushed your lips back into his as the boy walked the two of you to his room letting your body hit his mattress.

Mat was finally going to have his way with you.

The next morning.

You let out a groan as you heard a loud knock at the door “baby go get it,” you grumbled wanting to go back to sleep “fine.” Hearing Mats voice from beside you had the events of last night quickly falling back into your head.

Somehow though the boy seemed calmer about it all as he sent you a smile “could get used to this.” You were wearing one of his old Islanders shirts, the first time you were wearing a piece of merch from the team that wasn’t from Anthony.

It reminded you of the fact that you still had a boyfriend but here you were in his best friends bed covered in hickies whilst he was covered in scratches “you should answer the door.” You pushed your hair out of your face as you began to feel sick. You weren’t upset about last night, you loved the reminder of feeling what it was like to be loved.

To put it simply you felt bad that you had done it to a guy like Anthony, your mother raised you better than that “I’ll send them on their way and then we can talk about last night.” Mat wasn’t an idiot, he could see that you weren’t thinking about Anthony by the way you stared at the promise ring on your finger that he gave you when he came back in February.

It only took you two months to go ahead and fuck that one up “okay,” you nodded biting the inside of your cheek as you struggled to comprehend how you would talk to Anthony after this.

Your stomach did flips as you stared at yourself in Mats bedroom mirror. In that moment you felt like a horrible person and there was honestly no denying that you were one. Your precious Anthony would never cross a line like the one that you had and you only hoped that you had enough time to fix it before everything was thrown back in your face “what took you so long dude?”

That voice sent a chill down your spine as your eyes went wide with any desire of wanting extra sleep quickly being thrown out of the window.

What the fuck was Anthony doing at Mat’s door?

[candyrockpop]

Two people are stood up on their dates and end up falling for each other.

Howdy Pillar X GN! Reader

CW: None, unless you count getting stood up on a date

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

"This is the last time I let her set me up on a date I swear." You thought, fuming yet also disappointed. Your sister has been trying to set you up with someone for months, and every time you get a date they're either stuck up and rude or they stand you up! You should have just told her no to these stupid dates.

You got all dressed up, too. You did your hair, your skin was flawless, and your feet hurt from these stupid shoes since you couldn't sit down in the restaurant. The reservation was in your dates name, and they wouldn't let you in without one. At this point, you gave up and sat on the curb. It had been two hours, your date wasn't coming.

"Hey, uh, you doin' alright? You've been huffin' for a few minutes..." You hear someone speaking to you as you feel a soft poke on your shoulder. You look up and find a tall caterpillar puppet. You had met a few puppets, all of which were overwhelmingly kind. He seemed nice, too, and it also seemed like he was also here for a date. He was dressed up in a cute tuxedo with his blazer hung over his arm.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks again. Oh, shoot. You were staring and getting lost in thought. He must think you're a creep! "Oh, I'm okay! Sorry, I just got stood up by my date so I'm a little angry." You quickly explained, your hands waving in front of you defensively. "Hey, now! It's quite alright, no need to worry. How long have you been waiting, if you don't mind me askin'?" You smile at the concern the puppet shows for you, a stranger.

You sigh and look up at him, dejected, "About two hours now? I haven't even been able to get inside because the reservation was in my date's name." You start to grumble unintelligible words under your breath. The puppet sits down next to you and pats your back gently, a sad, understanding smile being directed at you. "If it helps you any, I got stood up too. Been here for, I don't know," he pauses to wave his hands as if he's weighing something, "maybe an hour? I'm not sure since I ain't great with time." He chuckles weakly. You balled your fist and held it up, "Sad fist bump?" He chuckled and bumped your fist with one of his, "Sad fist bump."

It was quiet for a minute before he made a sound of offended surprise. "Why, I don't think I introduced myself." He cleared his throat and smile politely, even draping his blazer over your shoulders to warm you a little. He put his hand out to shake, "My name is Howdy Pillar. It's lovely to meet you." You chuckled and put your hand in his. Both of you blushed, a pink tint on your cheeks. "You can call me (preferred name). It's lovely to meet you, Howdy." You resisted a laugh, asking, "I'm sorry if this is offensive, but Howdy? As in saying hello?" He blushed, embarrassed, and nodded.

"Just like sayin' hello." Howdy smiled in a relaxed yet excited way and stood up, offering a hand to help. "Say, if you don't mind, why don't we go and have a fun night together? A new restaurant, maybe? That way tonight ain't so bad."

You smile in return and happily take his hand. He doesn't let go, simply holding it gently, as he uses one of his other arms to wrap around your shoulder and another to look for any other restaurants in the area on his phone.

Maybe your sister was right in setting you up on all those failed dates after all, "You aren't all that bad to talk to, so I don't think I'd mind that one bit, Mr. Pillar."

I hope everyone enjoyed. He needs some more love and attention. He's just so cute!

Also, how has no one commented on Julie throwing Wally in the last fic? I am very amused about it.

[feelbokkie]

Don’t Let Me Love You | Chapter 19

pairing: Felix x fem reader; Chan x fem reader

genre: smau, fake dating, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, Bai, mild violence

summary: With the upcoming wedding of her cousin and her ex, Y/n is in desperate need of a date for the wedding that will show the happy couple that she moved on.

word count: 2,857

screenshot count: 1

a/n: event of the year!

©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

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backstory unlocked: Chan and Bai

You can see Chan's mouth moving but you can't hear a word he's saying. Your heart is beating so fast and loud in your ears, you're slightly concerned you might be stuck like this forever.

"Y/n, say something, ple—"

Smack

"What the actual fuck is wrong with you?" You spit. Your sadness from earlier is now replaced by anger. Chan stays hunched over in pain for a second, clutching his cheek trying to process that you had slapped the absolute shit out of him.

He finally straightens himself out and looks at you with tears in his eyes, his hand still on his cheek. His lips parted in a silent surprise and his eyes blinking slowly, taking it all in. You can see the red poking out on the skin around his fingers.

"It’s the night before your wedding, what are you doing?” You are mentally and physically exhausted by Chan's mind games and want nothing to do with them.

“I know, I know but—“

"But? But what, Chan? In a little over 12 hours, you going to be a married man, you do realize that, right?"

"Y/n, just let me explain--"

"Fuck that! You had 3 years to explain. And the last time you tried to explain something to me it destroyed me. So no thanks, I rather be an ignorant fool than listen to whatever bullshit answer you have preloaded."

"Please--" Chan leans forward, arm outstretched towards you. Before he could touch you, Felix jumps in between you. Felix's back blocks your view of Chan and you don't make an effort to try to see past it.

"Back the fuck up or I swear I'll give you a black eye to match that welt on your face. Actually, I should beat the shit out of you for kissing Y/n but I'm feeling generous. Consider this a wedding present." Felix threatens. His deeper voice is in full volume, intimidating even you.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I really am." Chan's voice cracks as he heads back into the venue.

You let out a deepth breath that you didn't even know you were holding in. Angry tear fall from your eyes, warming your cool cheeks. You lean forward, resting your head on Felix's back, letting out silent sobs. Your hand hands grip the fabric of his shirt, in an effort to bury yourself into him and hide from the world.

The fact of the matter is, all you've wanted to hear from Chan for the past three years is that he's still in love with you. Two months ago you would have jumped at the chance to be with him again he told you that he is still in love with you. You've dreamed about him saying those exact words for years. You craved to feel l his lips on yours again, the missing piece to your puzzle. Even though all of your dreams finally came true, you can't help but feel empty. Like Chan is no longer the answer you needed. Like he was a missing piece to an entirely different puzzle that was already boxed up and thrown in an attic.

Felix's hands reach behind his back and gently pull your hands off his shirt and turns around, wrapping you in a warm embrace. One hand flat on you back and the other on your head, holding you as close to him as humanly possible. You nose if flooded with the familiar scent of his cologne mixed with coffee, cinnamon, and sugar.

"My hand hurts," You mumble.

"I would be surprised if it didn't, you slapped the shit out of him. He'll be lucky if he wakes up tomorrow without your handprint on his face." You could feel the vibrations from Felix's laughing on your cheek, you can't help but softly smile.

"He kissed me," You say quietly. You're not entirely sure if you're telling Felix or yourself.

"I know. I saw. I was leaving...to give you two some privacy. But then I heard the slap and ran back. I was worried, but I didn't need to be, you took care of yourself."

"Still, thanks for stepping in when you did. He was like two seconds away from causing a scene and the last thing I need tonight is to deal with Bai and her dramatic ass."

"You wish is my command," Felix places a kiss on the top of your head and peels you off of him before quickly disappearing into the venue. A few minutes later, he come back out with your stuff in his hands. He gives you your bag and throws his jacket over your shoulders.

"Let's go,"

"What are you two doing here?" You ask when you run into Changbin and Jisung in the hallway of the wedding venue.

Bai has had you running around since early this morning getting last-minute things ready for today. Luckily for you, she was stuck on the bridal suite getting ready and you'd do anything to not being in a room with her for an unspecified amount of time.

"He's being an ass right now, but we weren't going to just not show up to his wedding," Changbin grumbles. He came to you the second Chan banned him, Jisung, and Minho from the wedding under Bai's direct orders.

"Yeah, and to help out when we can since Lucas is going to be the only one in his party," Jisung adds.

"You two are really good friends. Just stay out of sight. The last thing we need is for Bai to have a full meltdown and take it out on me." You sigh. They both salute you before walking off into the main chapel of the venue.

You look around the walkway to make sure everything is perfect. It's been a bittersweet morning as you explored the venue. Every single detail was stolen from your pages in the shared wedding binder, down to the colors of the flower petals that were to be thrown down the aisle. You wouldn't be surprised if Bai also stole your pretend vows that you wrote in there just to spite you.

You take a deep breath, only two more hours and this shit show is over. Only two more hours and your fake relationship with Felix is over. Felix came with you to the venue too, he insisted. He spent the night at your apartment after last night and thought it would be best if he tagged along. You even stopped by his apartment to get his clothes for today.

"Noona!" You turn around to find Lucas running towards you. His eyes are in a panic. He hunches over, catching his breath.

"What's wrong?" You question slightly panicking as well.

"It's Chan hyung, he says he needs you. He locked himself in the groom's suite and refuses to let anyone in." He pants.

"Lucas, I can't--"

"Please, noona? For me? I'm worried about him." He slightly sticks his lower lip out and looks at you with puppy dog eyes. Manipulation must run in the family.

"Fine, just don't say anything to Bai." You huff.

You walk into the main chapel and grab Felix, who is chatting with Changbin and Jisung while they finish lining the seats with flowers.

"What's going on?" Felix asks as he lets you drag him around.

"Chan is apparently having a crisis and needs me specifically. I have a feeling he's trying to pull something so I need you to stand outside the door just in case." You quickly explain.

"Yeah, okay. I can do that." You stop when you reach the door to the groom's suite.

You hesitate before knocking.

"Chan, open the door, it's me." You say loudly. You and Felix stand in silence waiting before you hear the door unlock. You two share a look before you quietly walk in, purposely leaving the door unlocked behind you.

Chan is pacing the room with his hands behind his back. He's fully dressed in his tux and his hair is perfectly slicked back, a single strand purpose falling out in the front.

"What's going on?" You ask confused. You've never seen him like this before.

"I can't do this." He pulls on his tie and loosens it.

"Chan--"

"Tell me to leave," He stops suddenly and faces you. His eyes are tired and sore, his bottom lip trembling. The faint outline of your handprint is still slightly visible on his cheek. He's a mess.

"What?" You're taken aback by the request.

"I meant what I said last night, Y/n. I'm still in love with you and I can't marry Bai, I can't keep doing this to myself. Run away with me." He stretches his hand towards you.

"I can't,"

"It'll be better this time. I'll be better this time. I promise." He steps closer to you, hand still out.

"No, I'm not going to even give hope that this is going to work out the way that you think it is. Because I know for a fact that if I did run away with you, I won't ever be happy. I will be forever stuck in hell waiting for you to fuck up and wreck my life again. I can't do that. Not again. I deserve to be happy."

"I can make you happy, I promise." He pleads

"No, you won't. And I'm not going to leave Felix for you. I'm not built like you and Bai, I actually care about the people I love. Enough to stay." You spit.

"You're still in love with me. I know that deep down you are so--"

"No, I'm not. I'm in love with Felix." Your heart skips a beat.

"Y/n, please." You watch as a stream of tears falls down his face.

"Look, I'm not going to make the decision to stay for you. If you're so unhappy, then grow a pair and leave but don't drag me with you. I'm done." You huff before leaving Chan alone in the room, crying.

***

You, Hannah, and Barry, who is the ring bearer, wait in the hall so you can walk start the wedding. The only problem, Chan is nowhere to be found. You watch as Lucas walks back holding a paper. You tightly squeeze your eyes shut and pinch the bridge of your nose.

"I found this in the room. It's for Bai noona." Lucas states.

You quickly poke your head into the main chapel and scan the room, quietly cursing under your breath when you can't find Changbin or Jisung.

"Shit," You breathe, "Okay, Lucas, go give that to Bai and then leave immediately. She's less likely to kill you but once she reads whatever on that letter she won't care. Hannah, take Barry and gather both my parents and your parents. Take them off to the room in the side and let them know what happened. I'll deal with Bai while she's having her meltdown."

Hannah and Lucas nod before going off in separate directions. This is all your fault. You didn't think Chan would actually run from the altar. That he was just having pre-martial jitters and would get over them. Bai is going to murder you when she finds out.

You watch as Lucas sprints past you and into the main chapel, probably to be with the safety of his parents. You don't blame him, you would be doing the same thing right now.

"You!" Bai shouts walking down the hall towards you. Her eyes are blazing murderously at you.

"Bai, I know that you're mad but keep your voice down. Your guests are still inside." You say calmly.

"I don't give a single fuck if they can hear me. You did this. You made him leave." She throws the letter at your feet.

"I didn't make him do anything. He decided to leave on his own."

"Oh bullshit, we both know I had him wrapped around my fingers until you got your little harpy talons in him." Bai's face is quickly turning red and the veins in her neck are standing out in livid ridges.

"Bai--"

"Why do you keep stealing what's mine?" She cries out.

"What have I ever stolen that was yours?" You clench your fist, anger growing in the pit of your stomach.

"Chan, Felix, my parents for fucks sake!"

"Felix is right, you are an insufferable cunt."

"And you're--"

"No! You've done enough talking our whole lives, it's my turn. You need to stop blaming me for every little thing that goes wrong in your life. I'm sorry your parents died, I really, truly am but you seriously cannot blame me for that. I had no control over that situation."

"The only reason why we were out was for you."

"I know, and I've felt guilty about it since it happened, but it's not like I purposely made that man drink and then get in his car. And I didn't steal Chan or Felix."

"You knew that Felix and I were together before you started dating."

"No, I didn't. Do you want to know why? Because Felix and I aren't together. We're just faking it to get through this shitshow of a wedding. Happy?"

"God, you're pathetic." She laughs.

"Yeah, you're right I am. But not as pathetic as you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bai, nobody here likes you, they all feel sorry for you. My parents. Chan's parents. Every other guest waiting in that chapel. Hell, Chan probably felt sorry for you and only stayed after you lost the baby. At least I have people in my life who genuinely like me." You slowly walk towards her, closing the gap between the two of you. You know you're going too far, but this is a lifetime's worth of pent-up feelings coming out. And even then, you're not angry enough.

"God you are a dumb bitch," She laughs harder. She's losing it.

"What?"

"There was no baby you stupid slut."

"What are you-- You didn't,"

"Do you honestly think that I would be stupid enough to let myself get pregnant? Honestly, use your head."

"You are a vile piece of shit. Literal human garbage,"

"And you should have died in that car accident instead of my parents. If you think about it, this is all your fault. Chan wouldn't be so unhappy if it weren't for you. It's only a matter of time before you fuck up Felix too so why don't you do us all a favor and go ki--"

"Im Bai-Mi! That is enough!" Bai freezes in place at the mention of her full name. You both turn to find yours and Chan's staring at the two of you, the doors to the main chapel open. You're not sure how much they heard but the look on everyone's faces tells you that they at least hear the last bit.

"Auntie, uncle, y-you don't understand. She tricked me! She took advantage of me in my fragile state and--"

"I made a promise to my late sister that I would take care of you if anything happened to her and I have failed her. I've let you run around with your horrible attitude for far too long thinking that you just needed to cope in your own way, but this is it. I have to put my daughter and her happiness first. Y/n, I'm sorry I was so blind before, I didn't realize how truly awful she's been treating you."

"It's okay Mom, it's not your fault. Your intentions were in the right place," You softly smile at her. It'll take a while before your relationship with your parents is perfect, but this is a start.

"This isn't fair! My fiance leaves me and you're all ganging up on me!" Bai screams before leaving the venue.

Everyone awkwardly stands around, not sure what to do next. You watch as your parents profusely apologize to Chan's family on Bai's behalf. You take a deep breath, probably the deepest one you've ever taken, and sigh in relief, a large weight disappearing from your chest.

Your parents, along with Chan's parents, walk back into the chapel, probably to apologize to the guest again.

"You okay?" Felix asks, coming up beside you.

"Yeah actually," You smile, turning to look at Felix.

"Do you want to get away from here? We can go to this really good bbq place that's around the corner."

"You don't have to spend time with me anymore, Lix."

"What?" He furrows his eyebrows in confusion and tilts his head.

"The contract. This arrangement is only supposed to last until the end of the wedding and well, it's clearly over." You watch as his smile drops.

"Yeah, but--" You turn your body towards him and quickly kiss his cheek, placing a hand on his shoulder to help you reach.

"Thank you for your help these past few months. I genuinely had fun. I'm eternally grateful for all you've done. I'm sorry for intruding in your life. Take care, Felix." You smile sadly before turning and walking to the main chapel to help your parents clean up Bai's mess for the last time.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Tag list:

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you

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[thebabblingbrookenook]

Wide Open Spaces

Pairings -  Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader

Summary - Modern AU - Benedict and Reader explore new facets of their longtime childhood friendship. 

Warnings - 18+ Please,  Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content

Word Count - 6.2K

Author’s Note - Huge thank you to @colettebronte for giving this a once over for me before posting. And a major shoutout to @eleanor-bradstreet for writing inspiring fics for me to reference! Soundtrack inspos for this one include: Cinnamon Summer by Jome, and Honeybee by The Head and the Heart

______________________________________________

Disappointment. That was the overwhelming sensation coloring your mood as you looked down at the message on your phone. Your sister had canceled on you again. It had been six months since you last saw her and you were starting to miss her.

This always happened when she got into a new relationship. The constant companion you had known your whole life suddenly transformed into the biggest flake on the planet. You were happy she was happy, but she never saw outside of her little love bubble when there was a new guy.

At times, you could smile and write it off as an endearing quirk, but this time your irritation was a bit harder to quell. The trip you were supposed to be taking together this weekend had been planned for weeks. The excitement of seeing your baby sister and enjoying uninterrupted relaxation was the only thing getting you through the tedious tasks weighing you down at work. You knew this cloud of disappointment was going to linger for a few days.

You thought about telling her how rude she was behaving. You even thought about telling her that you didn’t care if her boyfriend had asked her to meet his parents on the same weekend as your trip. But in the end, what was the point? If she bailed on her boyfriend and came along, her legendary pout would have made the trip unbearable. If she decided to go with him despite your disgruntled plea, you both would have ended up deploying the silent treatment for months and you wouldn’t get to see her until Christmas. 

You were in the middle of texting your sad, but supportive reply when you felt a warm hand rub a reassuring circle on your back.

“Let me guess, Caroline canceled at the last minute again?” Benedict’s voice held a defensive tone. 

You sighed in resignation, “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“The look on your face. It’s the one you put on when you’re trying to be angry so you don’t have to admit how much something hurt you. And it’s usually only reserved for Caroline.” He said her name like it left a bitter taste in his mouth. 

“Benedict…” you scolded.

He shrugged innocently with a hint of defiance. “What? I resent her for stealing my sunshine. I was getting used to seeing you so happy. It was nice.”

“Hey,” you complained, “I’m a happy person. Most of the time…”

“I love you, darling, but no,” he laughed. “You’re delightfully grumpy and I adore you for it. You do things with depth. Depth makes it hard to be blindly happy. I wouldn’t have you any other way. It was just nice seeing you smile freely.”

It took a moment for his words to sink in. He had been your best friend for your entire life. If anyone really knew you, it was Benedict. Why were you just now realizing that he viewed you this way? From your perspective, he was the only person that set you at ease. Laughter came easy when he was around. Parts of your personality came alive with Benedict because he was the only one who had earned those parts of you. Having him associate you with such a sense of bleakness didn’t sit right with you. Had he not noticed you allowing him in past your walls, or did your underlying melancholy overshadow the peace he brought into your life? You didn’t know whether to feel betrayal or guilt. Guilt if you hadn’t made it clear how much joy he brought, or betrayal for not being seen by the only person you thought capable.

You stared at the rapidly cooling cup of tea that you clutched in your hand. Anything to keep you from meeting his gaze. You didn’t know if you were ready to face what you might find reflected back in his stormy eyes. It might unravel you, and the courtyard of the college campus where you worked was not a place you were comfortable with that transpiring. You needed to go home. 

 Standing abruptly, you started to gather your things. If it weren’t for the almost comical look of panic transforming his face, you would have made a quick but silent exit. You were never able to stomach the way negative emotions haunted his features. They didn’t belong there, not coinciding with his light. 

“I’ll see you later, Ben. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. It’s happened before and it will happen again. That’s Caroline. I’m just going to go home and have a quiet weekend alone. I have a lot of manuscripts I need to catch up on for Professor Maxwell anyway. He said he would consider one of my choices to present to the publishers as the featured up-and-coming author this month. I want to make sure I’m ready.”

He didn’t seem entirely convinced by your casual tone, but he didn’t push the issue. “Alright then… but call me if you get lonely. I don’t want you cooped up all weekend having fake arguments with Caroline in your head. You get scary when you sit with your anger too long.”

“See you later, Bridgerton,” you replied with an amused grin.

Sometimes it was annoying how well he knew you, but somehow his teasing prediction already made you feel less alone. 

~~~~~~~~~~

You woke the next morning to the sound of your doorbell repeatedly beckoning you from sleep. Immediately regretting last night’s over indulgence of red wine, you rolled over to check the ring camera on your phone. It didn’t surprise you in the slightest to find Benedict standing on your porch looking far too chipper at this ungodly hour.

Clicking the microphone, you spoke through the camera so he could hear you. “Go away. Trespassers will be prosecuted.”

His grin was blinding. “Oh come on, you lazy git. Get your bum out of bed and let me in.”

“Ugghhh,” you groaned. He was impossible.

Reluctantly, you dragged yourself from the warmth of your bed and shuffled to the front door. You hadn’t given a second thought to your appearance until Benedict’s eyes took in your state.

“Ooof,” he mocked. “Good morning, Sunshine.”

You must have looked a picture as you stood there scowling at him in your pjs. “Pardon me, I wasn’t expecting uninvited company. You really are a nuisance, Ben.”

“Yeah, but I’m a lovable nuisance. You wouldn’t have let me in if I wasn’t.”

Rolling your eyes, you turned around walking back into the house, leaving him to follow you. You were going to need coffee if you wanted to get on his level anytime soon. You heard the door latch behind him as he trailed you to the kitchen. 

“So…” he asked hesitantly. “What are your plans for the day?”

You looked up at him skeptically from below the ring of your coffee mug. “I already told you my plans. There are words to be read and wine to be drunk.”

“Can you read your words and drink your wine someplace else?” He could feel you retreating into your silence so he pushed on. “Listen, I know I’m not Caroline. I don’t have anything particularly exciting to offer in comparison to a sisters’ weekend, but I would very much like to spend the day with you. I need to practice a new brush technique for a class I’m teaching. You can read, I can paint… We’ll be alone, but together. Who was it that said it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone?”

You knew he was baiting you with your love of words, but damn him if it wasn’t working. “Tennessee Williams. But if you recall, the first half of that quote depicts lonely people joining forces. I don’t think he was speaking of a pity invitation from a Casanova to his pathetic, sad friend.”

“That’s not what this is,” he chastised. “I’m allowed to be lonely too.”

“Oh, please, Ben.” You dismissed him prematurely. “You’re never alone. There is always someone throwing themselves at your feet.”

“I didn’t say I was alone. I said I was lonely…” The haunted look had returned to contort his beautiful face.

The undeniable need to vanquish anything that creased his brow pulled you toward him. Reaching out for him, you stopped yourself from wrapping your arms around his torso, instead choosing something safer. You squeezed reassuringly around his forearm that rested on the counter. 

“I’ll go get dressed,” you said softly. “Wait for me?”

His eyes left your fingers splayed across his arm and searched your face. The amount of relief flooding the rings of blue made your stomach ache.

“I’ll wait as long as you need…” he promised.

~~~~~~~~~~

Like with most things, he was right about his company bringing you back into balance. It was easy to be around him. He was comfortable in your silence, and you in his. There was no need for incessant chit chat. It was enough to simply just be. No pressure. No performance. No need to be guarded. The sounds of his brush strokes against the canvas soothed you as you flipped from page to page in your book.

It had turned out to be the perfect day for outdoor endeavors. There wasn’t a rain cloud in sight, and the sun was almost as warm as Benedict’s presence. He had taken you to a remote clearing he stumbled across during one of his many reflective walks. The open field was surrounded by dense woods, sequestering you in your own private world. The nearby stream provided the perfect soundtrack to drown out all the unwanted noise of life. 

He had packed a blanket for you to sprawl out on while he labored over his easel. Per usual, he had thought of everything. There was even a basket filled with your favorite snacks. You would both be content for hours. Responsible for nothing. Accountable to no one. He had gifted you peace.

The sun poured out its affection lavishly over your skin, and you soaked in its embrace. The dress you wore hung loosely from the straps that tied at your shoulders, and the lightweight cotton fabric kissed your skin delicately, providing an unabashed sense of freedom. It had been a long time since you had felt this content and you were already craving a return visit. 

It had been hours since you had seen another person. Every so often there would be a wayward hiker, but for the better part of the day it was just the two of you. Working side by side, in tandem but apart. You were fully consumed by the current manuscript you were reading. It was the third one of the day, but the first to hold your interest. This was undoubtedly the piece you would submit to your boss for publication. 

The author skillfully and eloquently stripped down the world as we know it, and submerged the reader into the unknown. With the trivial things torn away, everything came back to basics. What did a person truly need to survive? What did we look to in order to feel secure? Sure, the tried and true standards still applied - Food. Water. Shelter. But what were those things without hope? Was there even a point?

It was a love story at its core. A devastating one, but a love story nonetheless. It seemed a cruel irony to make it all the way through life only to find love at the end of the world. Love was already a precarious thing, but the stakes were even higher in their world. The person you joined your life with was the person that kept you alive. 

There was a perfect balance between danger and sweetness. You had invested fully in the characters. Their joy was your joy, their pain your pain. So when the unthinkable happened, your heart thudded to a stop. A shocked sob escaped your lips, breaking the silence that had settled.

Benedict looked at you in alarm. “What’s happened?”

You shook your head, waving off his worry. You’d almost forgotten he was there. “This author is fantastic. It feels so real.”

His lazy smile spread across his face. “You’ll have to tell me about it once you’re finished.”

Normally you loved telling him about the books you read. He always hung on your words and asked enthusiastic questions. But you weren’t sure you could do that with this one. Her leading man bore a striking resemblance to yours. Even the glances you were stealing of him now were almost unbearable. If there was one person in this world whose loss would bury you, it was Benedict. 

Family wasn’t something that you had a surplus of. Your parents had both been gone for years. Caroline was your only sibling and you had drifted apart as you got older. But Benedict had always been there, and you made a family of your own. Each day he started to mean more to you than you were comfortable with. You tried to ignore it, but your heart was persistent and loud. 

Your eyes welled with tears as you read the final chapter. Images of Benedict’s face flooded your mind while the author described the fate of her hero in heart wrenching detail. The pit in your stomach was about to swallow you whole. Evidence of your despair leaked from the corners of your eyes and made their way to the corners of your mouth, leaving your lips salty and wet. 

You knew it would only deepen the hurt, but you couldn’t resist the pull to look at Benedict. It was only a story but you needed the reminder that he was still here. Like he always was. 

You weren’t sure how, but he looked more striking than he had just a moment ago. Maybe your imaginary grief had heightened your awareness of him. Or maybe it snapped your perspective into focus. You were in love with your best friend but you had no clue what to do with that revelation. 

You were so lost in your reverie that he startled you when he spoke. “What’s that look about, Sunshine?”

“I’m just remembering you,” you said meekly, averting your eyes.

“Hmph,” he sighed.

Setting down his paintbrush, he came to sit behind you on the blanket. His arm reached around your side and pulled the book from your hands. “Who is this Bradstreet person, and why have they made you cry? It was a happy day. I thought we’d finally chased the grey away.”

A shiver ran deep when you felt the heat from his lips press softly into the naked skin at your shoulder. Steadying yourself, you turned your face into him so you could meet him eye to eye. You weren’t sure what his small, but intimate gesture meant. He had always behaved in this familiar way with you. Touch wasn’t something that he shied away from. It’s how he showed affection. This was just the first time you had ever opened yourself up to the possibility of more.

Your fingers reached up to brush the waves of his dark hair away from his face. The tension left his body at your touch and he melted into you. His eyes closed and he smiled sweetly as he hummed his appreciation. You rarely initiated touch with him like this and you were now realizing what a crime that was.

His lips touched your skin again in a silent thank you. The importance of this moment was finally sinking into your bones. Now was the time to make sure he understood what he meant to your life. You didn’t think you would ever forgive yourself if the world came tumbling down and you left out that he was the only one…

Your eyes lingered on his in a silent exchange before you leaned in to capture his lips with your own. His body stilled for a split second but quickly reanimated, matching your energy with intention. Years of unidentified longing flowed out through your touch and held him close to you. 

He broke your kiss to catch a breath.

“Thank God,” he whispered. “I was beginning to worry that you’d never feel it.”

An exhausted amusement washed over you. “You know me… Always taking the long way around.”

His answering laugh was your favorite sound. It was warm and deep. A familiar comfort.

“Well worth the wait,” he declared, tucking your hair behind your ear.

In that moment a switch inside you flipped. Desire for this man had made itself known, sending a pulsing urgency to overtake you like a riptide. The smell of him, so close and invasive, was a provocative elixir calling out to awaken wanton need. 

The heat from his toned, lean body radiated from behind you seeping into your spine. Its invitation was impossible to resist, so you let go, giving yourself over completely. His arms welcomed you in and every inch of him conformed to fit you perfectly. Broad shoulders provided a safe place to lay your head as his face dipped to rest in the crook of your neck. His deep breaths coaxed a thrilling shiver from you as he savored the scent of your skin. 

You craved him with such intensity that it was painful. Your body, seeking a remedy, pressed deeper into his with a slow, sensual tempo. The blood felt like it was burning through your veins, and every muscle clenched with the anticipation of release. 

His body understood your plea and began to guide your movements. The low, humming ache between your thighs had grown into a throbbing demand. This lust was an insatiable beast, only mollified by his touch.

“Benedict…” you begged breathlessly. The feel of his lips sucking your neck into his mouth was driving you to distraction. Your mind fantasized his warm, wet tongue exploring other parts of you.

His kiss never left your skin for more than a moment and his hands had found a new boldness. You could smell dried paint, a scent synonymous with him, as his fingers danced over your shoulder to the tied straps of your dress. When his movements stopped, you looked back at him to find his eyes silently asking your permission to continue. You gave your consent without question.

Nimble fingers made easy work of the bows holding the top of your dress to your body. The soft cotton fell around your waist, exposing your bare, heaving chest to the elements. The warmth of the sun soaked into the sensitive skin of your breasts, and the wind whispered over your nipples, puckering them with pleasure.

Benedict’s stuttered, appreciative breath quickened your heart. His heavy gaze was ravenous as he took in the sight of you. His teeth raked across his bottom lip, attempting restraint.

“Y/n, can I touch you?” he asked. Always the gentleman.

A sudden bout of nerves crept up your throat. This was all so surreal. It was Benedict. Your best friend. Your favorite person on Earth. What if this changed all that? You didn’t want to be without him. You couldn’t. 

For a moment, the two of you sat together in limbo. Your mind was trying to logic you out of this, but your heart understood a new truth. It was already too late to go back, to settle for a fraction of what he was offering you now. Your need for him had grown to encompass more than friendship. It would never feel like enough again. 

You took his hand in yours and led him to your soft, supple bust. Holding your breath, you waited. For what exactly, you weren’t sure. Maybe you were afraid of his dissatisfaction. The last man you let see you this way was fond of critiquing your body. Exposure was the scariest place to encounter judgment. There was nowhere to hide. The words heard there never leave you.

Disdain started to flicker in your mind. Remembering old words from a person who no longer held significance was pointless. And yet, how could you not remember? He had thought your breasts were too large. “Anything more than a handful was too much.”

You realized now, as Benedict’s warm palms grazed over you, that the problem never resided with you. That other man’s hands were simply inferior. Benedict held you with ease, cupping you securely in his grasp. His strong fingers kneaded gently, feeling your contours and curves. He silenced your insecurities and fueled you with courage. There was no need for pretenses. He already knew it all. Both the embarrassing and the unflattering. He knew, and he stayed. More than that, he knew and wanted you in spite of it all.

Inhibitions dissolved as you leaned into his touch. You were completely lost. Unaware of anything outside of desire.That’s probably why his sudden exclamation startled you.

“Don’t move!” His arm wrapped tightly around your body to cover you.

Panic set in as your mind ran wild over all the possibilities for his warning. The tall grass surrounding you provided a plethora of nightmares.

“Oh God, what?! Is there a snake?” Your skin crawled at the thought of the slithering serpent. 

His voice lowered to a whisper in your ear. “There’s someone there,” he replied. “They’re watching us.”

Standing just inside the nearest treeline you spotted a young woman frozen with indecision. She was close enough to make clear eye contact with and her expression was shouting a mortified apology. A professional looking camera dangled freely from the strap around her neck. Her photography excursion wandered into something more than landscapes. Although, you supposed this was still nature at its core.

The two of you remained locked in a silent exchange. You weren’t sure what you saw there that granted you permission, but you felt yourself relax in Benedict’s hold. 

“It’s okay,” you calmed him.

You reached up and slowly started to drag his hand down your stomach to the top of the bunched fabric at your waist. All the while never breaking your stare with the onlooking stranger.

Benedict’s breath hitched in your ear and his fingernails scraped across your tummy, releasing a fresh wave of need inside you. “Don’t stop, Ben. I need you.”

His entire hand splayed out over your lower abdomen, pressing you firmly into the insistent bulge throbbing between you. “Mmmm,” he groaned. “You’re an impatient little thing, aren’t you? All needy and squirmy, clutching your thighs together. Fuck, I bet you are soaking for me…”

“You could easily find out,” you challenged.

Reflexively, his fingers twitched with excitement. His voice went dark, forcing you to understand the serious nature of his words.

“Look at me,” he commanded. “Are you certain about this? Tell me clearly.”

You peered up into his face, focusing on only him. If he was nervous, he wasn’t letting on, but it was clear that he needed something more from you than just consent. 

“I need to feel you,” you instructed, guiding him firmly where you ached for him. You made sure to stay locked in to his gaze, leaving no room for miscommunication. “She can watch, or she can leave. I don’t fucking care, but I can’t wait. I’m aching, Ben. Make it better.”

The two of you gasped in unison when his long, capable fingers slid between your folds. 

“Darling, where are your knickers?” he asked, reveling in the feel of you. His teeth nipped at your jawline. “You’ve been open and exposed all afternoon, barely hidden by this fetching little frock, and I’ve just been a clueless sod playing with my paints.”

His slow, stroking motions stirred the beast inside of you. Your body purred for him, vibrating at a frequency only he could hear. It called for him, telling him exactly where you needed him next. He spread you further, and his middle finger took a scandalously languid dive to tease your pulsing entrance.

Your cunt sought out for him with a fluttering welcome, desperately willing him to push past the threshold. The thought of him sinking into you there had you writhing restlessly in his lap.

His tongue traced the contour of your ear. “Oohhh, yes. You liked that. I can feel it. Do you want more?”

“Mmmhmm,” you could only manage a half lucid whimper in response.

“Open your eyes,” he encouraged. “See how your body has inspired our voyeuristic friend.”

The beautiful stranger had taken a brave step out from under the cover of trees. Her face held a comforting familiarity that somehow made you feel safe. Even as she brought the zoomed lens of the camera to her eye to capture your image, you still felt no shame.

“Would you like to show her what a work of art your body truly is?” Finally, his devilish digit invaded your warmth, causing you to moan out in satisfaction. “That’s my good girl. Arch for her. Show her how gorgeous your skin is while it’s blushed with heat. Such a pretty color.”

You had never truly known what arousal was until that very moment. His velvety baritone in your ear combined with the depths of his reach within you, and the witness of the anonymous onlooker had brought you to a precipice that you were terrified to give way to.

Reading your body like braille, he partnered his ring and middle fingers, stretching you as they curled. His speed quickened as his pressure increased, manipulating your body to obey his commands. 

Your hips began to dance with his rough palm, providing a friction on your clit that stole all of the air from your lungs. Oblivion was almost there. Just a couple more inches and you could reach out and touch it. 

He could feel the beginnings of your climax start to pull his fingers in deeper to you. “That’s it, love. We’re almost there. Will you give it to me?”

You would have given him anything he asked for as long as he didn’t stop moving. The hand that you didn’t have held in a vice grip between your legs came to your aid, pinching one of your nipples, just on the right side of pain. 

His ministrations had delivered you over to the abyss. There were no outside sounds. Nothing to see but white hot pleasure. Nothing to keep you from blissfully floating away into forever. Your only tether was the feel of his heartbeat guiding you home. You listened to its call, slowly bringing your own in time to match his steady rhythm. You were one heart. One mind. One soul.

Color started to seep back into your world. His gentle voice coaxed you back to consciousness. “Breathe. I’m right here. Just breathe.”

The immensity of what you just experienced had dissolved you of all control. A sobbing laughter bubbled up your throat, and you recognized the searing heat of unshed tears behind your eyes. All you knew was gratitude.

You turned slightly in his arms so that you could reach for his face. Your lips burned into his, moving with hunger. Gladly, you opened your mouth to his tongue, allowing him to breathe life back into you. The taste of him washed over your senses, driving a primal instinct somewhere inside of you.

Lifting yourself slightly, you rose to your knees in front of him, gathering the hem of your dress so that it hung forward, leaving you completely exposed to the man behind you.

You reached for the collar of his shirt, yanking him to his knees so that the back of your body melded into the front of him. The feel of his body running along the length of you sent shivers coursing through you from head to toe.

His lips devoured the skin of your neck and his bite sank into the muscle at your shoulder. One strong hand wrapped around your throat, pulling you harshly against his muscular torso. 

His growl in your ear had you dripping for him all over again. “I’m going to fuck you. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you said breathlessly. “Please, Benedict…”

You reached behind you, and the two of you worked together to pull his jeans away from his body. You didn’t have a chance to see him with your eyes, but you could feel the impressive size of him nuzzled between your cheeks as he ground into you.

You felt bereft when his arms released you, but his lips assured you that he was still there while he kissed his way from the nape of your neck and down your spine to the center of your back. One hand went to your hip to steady you and the other aligned the thick head of his cock with your pussy. 

“Ready?” he stilled.

“Now, Benedict. Right now.” You had never sounded so needy in your life.

Inch by satisfying inch, he pushed himself inside you. The stretch was unbelievable. Your body was made to accommodate him. He filled you to the edge of your limits, fitting around him so tightly that you could feel the steady thrum of his pulse thumping against your walls. 

“Fuuuuccck… You’re so warm. I love the way you hold onto me like that.” he praised you.

He only gave you a few more seconds to adjust before he started to move. With both hands on your hips, he repeatedly seated you in his lap, withdrawing slowly each time so that his tip caught around the ring at your entrance. When he entered you again, it was hard and deep. The pace was agonizing. Glimpses of the tingles he would bring you started to make themselves known as he introduced his body to every inch of yours.

Your eyes glanced up to find the photographer documenting your pleasure. She had lowered herself to the ground to explore new angles of your debauchery. You wondered if she was affected by the atmosphere. Would she go home and seek a release of her own. Would your heaving chest and Benedict’s feral noises bring her pleasure?

Benedict’s hand came back to wrap around your throat, effectively securing you to him again. The fingers of his other hand ventured below the fabric at your hips and found you swollen and throbbing.

“You like it that she’s watching, don’t you?” he smirked. “I like watching her watch you. If I can’t see your face, I can at least read hers to see how I’m doing.”

“Are my moans not enough? If you need me louder, I need you harder.” you laughed challengingly.

“Holyyyyy… Fuck, that felt food. I can feel you laughing from inside you.” his grip on your throat tightened a bit. “I want to make you laugh like that for the rest of your life.”

All traces of humor were lost now. His hold sealed around you, solidifying his promise of forever. Something inside of him flipped, and he thrust into you like it was the only thing keeping him alive. 

Deep, husky breaths panted into your ear between dizzying kisses. You started to tremble as every cell in your body responded to his urgent, pleading seduction. Searching for a way to ground yourself, you reached behind you to entwine your fingers in the hair at the base of his skull, tugging forcefully while hanging on for dear life.

“Oooohhhhhhh,” you gasped. “Oh, God! Benedict, yessss. You feel so good. Please. Please!”

“Hang on just a little while longer,” he beseeched. “Wait for me. I need us to come together.”

“Hurry Ben,” you warned. “I can’t… You feel…”

Stringing a sentence together was starting to become impossible. It took every ounce of focus you had to keep yourself from exploding around him. The desperate, punishing tempo of his hips was relentless. The lewd sounds your bodies made as they smacked together grew louder and louder with each powerful thrust.

Daring to glance across the field, you met the gaze of the daring beauty with whom you had shared this incredibly intimate experience. Even from a distance you could see her labored breathing as she lived vicariously through you. Her eyes were spurring you on, chasing the release as much as you were. There was something so erotic about the moment, and you couldn’t look away from her. 

The muscles of your core started to contract around Benedict’s cock. If he wanted to come with you, it had to be now.

“Benedict…” you whimpered.

“I know, baby. I know,” he soothed. “It’s okay. If you come, you’ll take me with you.”

The power that he had just put into your hands was weighty. Knowing that you wielded such control over him made you weak for him. It was a paradox you didn’t need to understand, you just knew it to be true.

His hand left your throat to tilt your face into his, foreheads pressed together in intimacy. “Eyes on me,” he ordered. “Don’t look at her. This part of you is mine.”

His dilated pupils were hypnotic. You couldn’t have looked away if you tried. “Come, y/n. Come for me.”

You had never been good at following orders but his voice lulled you into submission. His tone simultaneously made you eager to please, but also undoubtedly sure that he knew what was best in that moment. 

His kiss extinguished your scream of ecstasy as he burrowed deeper into your body. His movements had stopped, and you realized that it was you who continued to torturously milk his seed from his body and claim it as your own. The warmth lined your walls as he spasmed inside your cunt.

He lowered the two of you to the blanket, never leaving the safety of his newfound home inside your walls.

“I don’t want to leave you yet,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “Catch your breath. I’ll keep you full. We can drift away.”

Your eyes fluttered open, squinting as the sun beamed down onto your face. It was a warm, cinnamon summer. Rich colors saturated the atmosphere, spreading romantic hues along the horizon. Time seemed to slow, bringing you into stillness. You willed yourself to stay awake, determined to commit every moment of this to memory. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t fight it. His spell was pulling you under, washing over you in a peaceful calm. Wrapped safely in the heat of his embrace, you found rest.

“I love you,”he confessed, voice laced with sleep.

You brought his hand to your lips and kissed his palm. “You’re my favorite thing. The only one, Benedict. The only one…”

Neither of you knew if the woman still stood somewhere on the edge of your reality. It didn’t really matter anymore. It was just the two of you. The way it always had been. The way it was always meant to be.

~~~~~~~~~~

6 Weeks Later

Butterflies danced in your stomach as you waited patiently for Benedict to arrive at your house. He informed you earlier in the day that he had a surprise planned to celebrate your author recommendation being selected for publication. You were hoping it involved one of his signature home cooked meals and the removal of all his clothing.

You heard the keys clinking in the lock as he let himself in, bellowing out your name to alert you to his arrival.

“I’m in the kitchen,” you shouted down the hall.

He was wearing the most devilishly handsome grin as he sauntered into the kitchen carrying an ornately wrapped gift box.

“What’s this,” you asked with thinly veiled excitement.

“Just a little something to mark the occasion,” he replied. “Go ahead, open it.”

His impatience was endearing. He was clearly proud of whatever it was inside this box. You lifted the lid to find four framed black and white photos, all of which contained the memories of the most significant day of your life. 

You didn’t know how, but these were the photos taken by the woman in the clearing that day. She was an exceptional talent. The compositions themselves showed a great amount of skill, but the truly impressive part was the emotion she captured. 

From the looks of things, she had been in that clearing a lot longer than you had been aware. The first photo was of you and Benedict working side by side in silence. Your nose was buried in your reading, brow furrowed in angst, and Benedict was smiling sweetly, watching you read. 

The second photo was stunningly intimate. The two of you sat huddled on the blanket. Your eyes closed with an almost prayerful expression etched on your face, and Benedict with his head bowed, pressing his lips into the bare skin of your shoulder.

The last two were carnal. You felt the heat rush to your cheeks as you took them in.

Benedict’s voice startled you. “I told you your body was a work of art. Look how fucking gorgeous you are in these. Unguarded. Free…”

A lump formed in your throat as you fought the urge to cry. “How did you…?”

“Dumb luck,” he answered. “ I ran into our mystery woman a couple of weeks ago at that new gallery opening you refused to attend with me.”

You rolled your eyes. “I didn’t refuse to attend. I had the flu.”

“Same difference,” he smirked. “So, do you like them? She gave me all the negatives too. No one else will ever see these outside the three of us.”

“I love them,” you sniffled. “It’s our first time. Immortalized. They’re perfect. Thank you, Benedict.”

He shook his head and kissed you chastely. “No, thank you.”

“For what,” you queried.

“For loving me back.”

_______________________________________________

Tags - @faye-tale @eleanor-bradstreet @colettebronte @bridgertontess @angels17324 @musicismyoxygen84

[denalidear]

Soft

a/n: here to feed your delusions once again. this one could be a two parter if anyone is interested. let me know :)

summary: drunk words are sober thoughts

word count: 1032

warnings: drunk will, mention of girlfriend and drinking, an appropriate amount of angst

- - -

It was hard; being his best friend right now. Every night for the past month or so around 12:30 am you’d get a call. Most of the time he just wanted to talk about his stream, how many viewers he had that night, what he’d done. Other times he asked you to come over. Those were the nights he hadn’t streamed. The ones he reserved to go out with Tommy and you. He’d always cancel plans about an hour before you’d meet - give some lame excuse about how his girlfriend wanted to stay in or he had to edit a video. Those were the calls you were dreading because you knew how you’d find him when you went to visit.

It was 2:49 am, this night. Your phone lit up with a photo of you two in central London you’d taken months ago, before he started dating this girl, but just after he broke up with the last one. Your eyes barely opened to make sure it was a call worth answering, but since it was him, you rolled onto your side and tapped the green button.

“Will, are you alright? It’s late.”

“She left me.” He mumbled, the wine or beer he had certainly been drinking almost seeped through the phone screen. “She left angry and texted me to say we were done.”

“Can I come over?” You were already slipping on shoes. A blurry ‘yes’ came through the speakers and you left your flat. Thankfully he was only around the block, and you kept him talking as you sped to him. “I’m here, come let me in.”

“It’s open. I’m up in the bedroom.” He spoke through the phone, sounding a little more aware than he had only ten minutes ago. It calmed the worry in your gut a bit, but the fact he’d left his doors unlocked while he was inebriated kept the knot in your stomach tight. Once you were inside you hung up the phone and shouted up to him.

“I’m just taking off my shoes!” carefully lining them up next to his - where her’s would normally be. You could hear a little shuffling upstairs but nothing that added to your concern. That is until you heard glass hit and shatter on the floor. You almost slipped as you raced up - soft socks and hardwood stairs not a good mix. “Will?”

“I’m ok.” He shouted from his room. “-is just my glass.” He was sprawled across his bed, arm outstretched to reach the table that had an open bottle of wine and now cup-less coaster. At least he cared for his furniture. His hair stuck to his forehead and you could tell he hadn’t gotten up in at least 8 hours, the blankets around him flattened from his long stay in bed.

“You’re not hurt?”

“Physically, no. Emotionally?” He smashed his face further into his pillows instead of answering.

“How much have you had to drink tonight?” You ask, carefully picking up the largest pieces of glass shards that had scattered across the floor. You grimaced at the small spots of red that had spattered on the light walls, making a mental note to clean it up when he was feeling better.

“We were drinking a bit at dinner. Something red that she’d wanted.” He curled his long body into himself as he recounted the evening's events. Wilbur was a sad drunk, but also a chatty one, so his story went on for a few minutes while you finished cleaning the glass. His eyes followed you as you moved about the room and he pulled his head up a bit once his story was finished.

Once the mess was cleaned, or at least the sharp shards put into the trash, you sat yourself by the edge of his bed and leaned your head in close to his. “How can I help you, Will?” You whispered to the man. He shrugged so you offered a few options. “Do you want me to make you something to eat? Maybe while you shower and sober up a bit?”

“I’ll shower but will you just sit outside? I don’t think I wanna be alone right now.” He whispered the last bit. You nodded and helped him up. Once he was sitting on the edge of the bed, you standing in front of him, he wrapped his long arms around your waist and tucked his head into your stomach. Your hand pulled his head in, running your fingers through his hair.

“We’ll get through it. I know we will.” You spoke as he clung to you. “And hey, this means Lovejoy will get some really good songs after this, huh?” You teased as he pulled away. That put a smile on his face as he stood and lumbered to the bathroom. You took your place on the floor near the bathroom door and listened as Will rambled about whatever had happened on his last stream. You could hear the water hitting the floor as he washed his hair. Soon enough he was out and changed, pulling you into another hug.

“Better?” You asked him and he let out a deep breath.

“Yeah. Definitely still drunk though.” He mumbled into your hair. “Will you stay with me?”

“Do you think I have anything better to do at three in the morning?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged and pulled you into the bed with him. Once you got comfy he arranged his long limbs over you, resembling a starfish. A longboard sigh left his lungs as he nuzzled a little into his pillow. You realized at this moment this isn’t what best friends do. Best friends don’t cuddle or wait for the other to get out of the shower. Will’s breath steadied next to you as your mind began to swirl with thoughts as to what could cause that girl to leave such a soft and sweet man.

“It wasn’t ‘cause of me, was it? The argument I mean.” You asked into the dark room, expecting an answer. Instead, you heard a quiet snore and realized that Will had fallen asleep, head tucked into your neck. Guess that conversation will have to happen tomorrow.

[fieldofdaisiies]

I was thinking reader and Azriel friends/lovers to enemies. They reunite after years apart and the last memory of them together is one hell of a fight and both sides said things they shouldn't should.

Thank you, your blog is the best 🖤🖤

Oh, you are so sweet thank you <33 hope you like it!! I am not quite sure if you wanted it to end in a good or bad way, I hope it is fine that it ends rather well?

Azriel x Reader | Memories

type: angst/fluff warnings: none except for one or two curse words word count: 1260

*all rights reserved*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stared at the shadowsinger—the shadowsinger back at you. Your feet were rooted to the ground, your legs shaking, your hands trembling. It had been such a long time. You hadn’t seen Azriel in centuries and the last time you had seen him wasn’t quite so good. 

Once Azriel had been your everything. He had been your world, your anchor…your mate. And you were his. You had spent all your time together, being inseparable until that one fateful day. Until that one fateful moment that would forever haunt you. You did blame it on yourself—all and everything and especially the pain Azriel had been going through. Also the pain you had to go through. It was the reason why you had never tried to reach out to him after wards. You knew that you deserved the pain, it was your punishment for hurting your mate so much. You knew that Azriel had hated you after what you had done. Slowly memories climbed into your mind—memories of what had happened. 

It had been after the last battle during the war five hundred years ago. Azriel had asked you to keep the bridge between your two souls open so that he knew that you were still alive. You had promised him to do it, but you had closed the bridge not wanting him to feel your pain. All of the memories flooded you like a tidal wave, now clear inside your mind.

"Why did you do it?"

You shrugged, not really having an answer. Because you didn’t want him to feel your pain?

"Answer me, gods dammit, give me an answer!" Azriel had never shouted at you—until now. He was fuming, desperate and exhausted. He had searched the whole battlefield for you, the bridge between your souls had been closed and he couldn’t find you.

“I have no answer. I didn’t want to you to feel my pain when I got hurt!” “That’s what the fucking bond is for. So that I can feel you. That I can feel when you are in danger. That is what I could have needed!”

“Azriel, I did not know it would—“ “That it would what? I thought…I thought you were dead.” You pressed your lips in a thin line. “I wasn’t. I did not want you to feel my pain. I knew I was going to get hurt and I also knew that it would freak you out. I wanted to protect you,” you breathed, tears brimming your eyes. It was all you had wanted—you had wanted to protect him.

Azriel blew out a cold laugh and shook his head. “With your doing you did the exact opposite. I cannot believe you did this. I cannot believe you. And I cannot—“ Azriel cut himself of, wiped his hand over his face and sucked in a sharp breath. You knew what he was about to say and it already broke you heart. 

“No, Azriel,” you whispered, hoping that your pleading gaze could talk some sense into him.

“I cannot do this anymore. I am sorry, but this was one step too far. You crossed a line that should not be crossed when you are mates….”

The last words with which you had parted ways were ‘I hate you. I wish we would have never been mates.’ You hadn’t wanted to say them but you had just been so terribly disappointed and angry and sad. You had left without anything else. Everything after that moment became a blur. 

“Azriel,” you breathed his name while you made a step forward. Something in Azriel’s expression crumbled. Before his face had once again been veiled in ignorance, but something had changed. There was pain and regret and sorrow. 

“Y/N,” he answered, his own voice a whisper against the rising wind. The shadows crept over his shoulders, slowly sliding down his limbs and moving over the ground like cats. You drew in a shaky breath when you tried to search the shadowsinger’s gaze, his finally locking with yours.

“It has been so long,” Azriel said, something glistening in his eyes.

“Too long.” Your throat worked on a swallow when cold sweat broke out on the back of your neck. There were so many questions burning on your tongue. How have you been? What have you done in the past years? Did you find love again? How are you? 

Not only questions were rising inside of you, also words with which your could express your apology and regret.

“I am sor—“

“I am sor—“

Your gazes stayed locked while you placed your hand over your mouth. 

“You first,” Azriel said, his steps slowly carrying him over to you.

“I am sorry—“ A sob cut you off, your throat now dry and burning. “I am so sorry. For what I have done. For what I have said. For the pain I caused you. I was so stupid, I should have never done everything I have done.” Azriel’s hands landed on your face, his thumb wiping over your cheeks when he fully closed the distance between the two of you.

“I am so sorry. I should have never broken up with you because of that incident. We should have talked. We should have talked it out, but I was so angry. I acted before I thought. I hated myself every single day after that,” Azriel brought out, his own voice hoarse and trembling. You moved your hands over his, squeezing his scarred ones tightly.

“We both did so many things wrong, do you think we can start over?”

Azriel squeezed his eyes shut for a second and inhaled deeply. You prepared yourself for words that would shatter you. Words that would say that he found love again. That he is happy and married for example. Maybe he already has children, you thought to yourself. 

Your heart hammered against your rib cage, your legs threatening to give out. You held onto his hands, telling yourself that you had to be strong. You prepared yourself for what he would say. 

When your eyes had landed on him earlier before he saw you he had left his war tent with a red haired Valkyrie warrior—she could be his wife, partner, lover whatsoever.

Azriel slowly opened his eyes and ever so slightly dipped his chin.

“You think we are good for each other? Or will be just hurt each other again?”

You had expected a lot but not that. You bit down on your lower lip and pondered for a second. “I believe we have matured quite a bit. We were so young back then, teens actually. Now we are both grown-up. If you are willing to give this another chance I would be more than happy to comply.” Azriel let his forehead drop to yours, his hands ever so slightly squeezing your jaw. “I am willing to give this another chance. I have missed you. Fucking hell, I missed you so damn much, I wanted to die.”

“We are not going to mess this up again. I need you in my life, Azriel,” you breathed, closing your own eyes when Azriel closed his. It was then that your heart slowly started to heal and your stole began to glow once again. “And I need you in mine.”

tags: @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbitxh @cityofidek @moony-thoughts @wrensical003

[asktheahogesandblondes]

(Post despair) So Makoto and Junko how did you two happen?

((Apologies for taking so long for this one, also, reading some of my Naejunko fanfics might help you understand this universe))

Makoto:Before all this started.

Junko:And fittingly enough, I didn't plan for it...it all began when I met Makoto for the first time, at the time I didn't see anything worthwhile on him aside from him aside from maybe luck, but being so average at simple glance made me curious for what else was in there, so I tried to get to know him...

Makoto:I tried to be nice at first...but very quickly we got into a fight, I never met someone who pissed me off as much as she did, I tried to befriend her but there was no luck...or well, it turned out to be very lucky.

Junko:I eventually began to get more interested in Makoto, there was something about him...especially when I tried to kill him and always failed, he was something interesting, a nice side distraction while I continued with my plans...we grew closer and closer...

Makoto:Until we began developing feelings for each other, as much as I tried to deny it, unfortunately I fell hard and eventually had to admit my love for her, though she was the one who said I love you first, so I have that going for me at least. She didn't stop trying to kill me either, it's basically our relationship since the beginning.

Junko:I got closer to Makoto, a lot closer, sometimes I began doubting going through my plan but then I thought that the Despair of betraying Makoto and destroying everything we build up together would be amazing...and...it's not something I want to talk about now.

Makoto:I was starting to notice something weird with Junko...especially at one point she was looking and acting almost completely different and going by Ryoko Otonashi, I was a bit hurt by the fact she didn't recognize me or that she was obsessed with some other guy...and then she was back to normal.

Junko:My plan was going off without much problems, I managed to manipulate Izuru, create that prototype killing game, blame Izuru for it to send the Reserve Course into a frenzy, brainwash class 77 to be my servants. The world started falling apart and the plan to lock ourselves in the school to survive...I had to convince Makoto to stay with us instead of trying to go save his family, which were already kidnapped...then living together inside the school while I started preparing for the killing game...what I done started to get to me, but that's how despair work, eventually after one new year celebration which we got...intimate, I started the plan, I made everyone lose their memories in their sleep, I killed Jin Kirigiri and started the killing game.

Makoto:Understandable I was pretty confused as everyone else when I woke up, since I though I just stepped into Hope's Peak for the first time...although I was able to tell that something was off with Junko right off the bat. We tried to find a way to escape without killing anyone...but that didn't work out, give Sayaka was the first to die, followed by Mukuro by Junko's hands...

Junko:The despair of seeing one of my classmates die and especially my sister die drove me to despair, the more it hurt the sweeter it was...but I was also excited when Makoto started to show his amazing skills in the class trials, I already expected him to be a wild card in my killing game...and he was!...oh and also Kyoko was there trying to find her memories, solve the mysteries of the school and get them out or some shit, I didn't really care.

Makoto:After finding out Leon was the one who killed Sayaka after she attempted to kill him, he was executed for it...I was angry and sad about it, but I resolved to never forget about any of the fallen and keep going on their stead...unfortunately, they weren't the only ones that died, Chihiro, Mondo, Taka, Hifumi, Celeste and Sakura followed them, either being killed, executed or killed themselves in the case of the last one...but then that's when the killing stopped...and I meant it.

Junko:At some point I tried to kill Makoto, I don't know why, I guess the lockdown, lack of sleep and my sister and classmates getting killed got to me. But I tried to kill Makoto and pin it on Kyoko to kill two birds with one stone, obviously I failed and then used Mukuro's body to set up a trap to get rid of Kyoko. It failed because Makoto choose to sacrifice himself for Kyoko (the fucking selfless idiot) and chose to not reveal her lies, which means he was next in the chopping block because he was a big thorn in my side...but he was saved by Alter Ego who hacked my machine.

Makoto:I was rescued by Kyoko, we got out of the garbage chute and we confronted Monokuma about cheating and managed to convince them to let us have one final go by uncovering all the secrets of the school and uncovering the real murder of Mukuro Ikusaba. After gathering all the proof we could we went through one final class trial, in which we finally proved who was the real murderer and the mastermind behind it all.

Junko:Me, I finally revealed myself to them all, then they started uncovering everything that had happened in the outside world and why they were trapped here...Makoto was always catching me off guard in that trial, always managing to surprise me...even wanted to get out of the school despite the avalanche of problems he would face out there...even when it was either forcing them out there by sacrificing me or sacrifice Makoto to stay in the school until they died of old age, he managed to convince them all...and managed to convince me to keep living.

Makoto:I wouldn't have wanted Junko to die even if we didn't have our story together, but during the class trial, actually the entire time I encountered Monokuma, there was something about them...something familiar, something I wanted to reach for, when she tried to kill herself as part of the final brutal execution I tried to stop her as much as I could...maybe I did remember to some extent...

Junko:I was shocked that Makoto wanted me to keep living, yet also expected of him. I thought he wouldn't want anything to do with me even if he remembered our past together, let alone when I was basically monstrous stranger to him...but then I decided to accept, because it would be more despairful to be with him, and with classmates and people that hated me to the very core after what happened...Also I guess it be nice for our daughter to have both parents together in this cruel world.

Makoto:Yeah, so remember that new years celebration we mentioned earlier? Well we didn't want to use protection at the time so Junko go pregnant, I didn't know this at the time and Junko didn't either until later.

Junko:But anyways, we got out, naturally people were gonna be hostile to us because they thought Makoto brainwashed me or something...ironic, but we tried to live and Makoto wanted to undo everything I worked for, I thought that would be despairful too, but we were approached by the Future Foundation, who was not happy to see me as you could no doubt tell.

Makoto:Despite them trying to convince me to hand over Junko and come with them, I refused. I told the others to go with them if they wanted so they could have a safe place but that I wasn't gonna leave Junko with them, but they choose to follow me instead...it was really nice from their part really, eventually the Future Foundation approached us pacifically and we managed to get into an agreement:We come with them and aid them and not only they help us but also spare Junko, of course I would have to keep Junko under watch which I was ok with...and then I recovered my memories thanks to the Future Foundation.

Junko:Everyone was understandable pissed off at me, which I don't blame them for, Makoto was very confused and angry, I thought he would finally had enough about me...and he didn't...he told me although he was pissed off, that he may never forgive me for this...he still loved me, he was still glad that I was ok and that he would keep watch over me for the rest of our lives to make sure I didn't do anything like this ever again...that was so sappy and sweet that I wanted to cry and puke...I don't understand Makoto completely, I think I never will...but that's one of the many things that makes him interesting and one of the many reasons why I love him...I...

Makoto:Junko started to cry after that, I guess all the good we could have had together that she ruined got to her, maybe she was starting to realize that she didn't enjoy Despair as much as she thought she did, she still tries to generate Despair but that's mostly directed at me and it's innoffesive...Honestly, despite everything I was just glad she was alive and didn't die just like the others...but anyways, after this I resolved to undo her brainwashing to Class 77, Junko took their lives away from them, so I wanted to give them back. We got the help from Natsumi and Sato who had just woken up from the Coma, Izuru/Hajime who had gotten in contact with Junko and wasn't...happy that he realized he got manipulated by Junko. We came up with the Neo World Program plan to undo the brainwashing, it wasn't perfect, even I admitted that, and the Future Foundation wasn't exactly thrilled with it, but we managed to convince them of letting us try it, thanks to Junko getting Chisa to participate as well after she outed her out.

Junko:Yeah it was a bit of a mess there and people got angry at me thinking I was trying to destroy them from the inside out...but honestly I didn't even think the Future Foundation would exist when I did that to Chisa. It was an actual coincidence...but anyways, we undid it for her first as a test run with her classmates helping out, it worked so we moved on to fetch Class 77, we rounded them all up and took them to Jabberwock Island, it would have been simple...it should have, but let's just say there was some complications with an AI, which wasn't my fault by the way, that was Hajime.

Makoto:Basically Izuru sneaked the AI Junko he stole from her into the program, this AI was from before Junko gave up on her Despairful ways, so she took control of the teacher role and turned the simulation into another killing game while she disguised herself as Monokuma just like before. We constantly tried to stop this and take control back, but she denied us at every turn, so we had to watch the Killing Game and hope things ended up well...and on top of all of it, this was when we found out Junko was pregnant.

Junko:It caught me by surprise too, I was so busy with all that other shit that I forgot about that night in new years, it certainly didn't help with everything that was going on at the time...but Makoto reassured me he would be with me in every step of the way, or at least as much as he could...which was touching.

Makoto:Eventually I was able to enter the simulation alongside a few others in the final class trial to convince them to shut down the simulation to prevent AI Junko from getting out. It looked like it didn't work at first due to the others being basically at their limit...but Hajime managed to pull through, merge with Izuru and convince the others to believe in their future...I'm not gonna lie, he looked really cool there. But AI Junko was defeated...I did feel bad for her, since she was still a Junko...but everyone managed to get out, Hajime was even able to bring back everyone who died in the simulation eventually.

Junko:We hit a few problems with the Future Foundation after that. But we managed to resolve it, the Remnants secluded themselves to Jabberwock Island, and after that everything became peaceful. Our daughter was born, me and Makoto got married after a bit...we just signed some documents though. I'm basically at permanent house arrest and can't go anywhere without Makoto....which is probably the lightest punishment they could give me, not like people want anything to do with me for very understandable reasons.

Makoto:And I decided to reinstate Hope's Peak Academy, even went off to become the Headmaster...despite all the problems that came from that place, I still wanted the original intention of fostering talent and hope to remain, without making the same mistakes that led to stuff like the parade happening again.

Junko:So yeah, it's been a wild and tumultuous ride...I got a lot of things that I don't deserve the slightest bit.

Makoto:But despite everything that she has done...I still love Junko and our daughter, I still want to have a life with her...and I don't care what people think about me.

Junko:And I love Makoto and our child, and I don't want to ever throw that away again...

[thedemises]

. . .  SARAH [BY ALEX G]! featuring kaoru takamura & kaname nishiruka!

contains! . . . lowercase writing, oc writing, about my two ocs (+ an additional oc), not shipping you weirdos..., uncharacteristically sad kaoru & empathetic kaname, no plot, hurt/comfort(?), only just two lines of dialogue from kaname, mentioned catherine collison. notes! . . .  thought about something sad while I was reading something that wasn't even sad and the tiktok audio going "she looks so angry... why does everyone always look at you that way?" with Sarah by Alex G (sped up) playing in the background (currently am listening to Sarah rn-)

“she looks so angry...”

a simple comment leaves kaname's mouth as he glances at the seemingly disappointed and frustrated look in his superior's—catherine's—face from the small crack between the door and the frame that leads to the main office , then the child look back at kaoru who sat on the stair's steps with a straight posture.

in spite of the bright smile she donned, that never erased the gloominess that ached in her heart even as she denies such thing.

she's undeserving of feeling any emotions with how unhuman she feels and expresses that she can be viewed as simply “apathetic” by others.

staring with an empathetic gaze, a basic question was asked by kaname— “why does everyone always look at you that way?...”

initially, kaoru doesn't say a thing as eyes kaname once but that demeanour shifts as the smile slowly but steadily falls off her face into a upside-down smile—eyelids drooping over her pink irises and eyebrows slightly furrowed, the corners of her reddish-tinited lips forms into a small line but slightly downturned enough that it looks like it's about to bend and crack into a frown.

tucking a small lock of chocolatey brown curls, kaoru softly sighs out through her nose into the silence between her and the young child. kaname quietly walks to her side and sit down beside her while still gazing at the middle-aged woman with a saddened expression, before deciding to lean his head against her body.

the two sat in silence, not daring to disturb the tranquil quietness in the air between them.

© thedemises 2024. all rights reserved. please do not repost, copy, or claim as your own. ━━  word count: 274.

[bunnyscar]

Happy

“Jeff, I know what you want me to do, but I’m not going to.”

Jeff turned in surprise to look back at Alan, who had been walking behind him. They were on their way to school for the first time since staying home for a week.

“What do you mean?” Jeff asked.

“You want me to make friends at school, don’t you?” Alan said coldly. “Well I’m not going to. It’s too dangerous. If people get close to me, I’ll hurt them, or they’ll find out what I am and it’ll cause problems. So I’m sorry, but I’m not going to try to get to know people.” And he continued walking, stepping past Jeff.

After a moment’s pause, Jeff followed. “All right. I won’t force you to make friends. But,” and he stepped up next to Alan, matching his quick pace, “I reserve the right to treat you as my friend.” Alan glanced at him and frowned, but only said, “Do what you want.”

When Alan appeared at Jeff’s soccer practice after school, there was a lot of uneasy murmuring among the team members. Though all of them liked and trusted Jeff, not even his reassurance could take away their almost instinctual dislike of Alan. He was well known around the school as an angry looking, sharp tongued, rude loner. Even if he hadn’t actually been in any incidents, he had the look of a delinquent. No one wanted to be involved with that.

“Jeff, I know you’re super nice to everyone, but this is a little much. I mean, friends with him? He looks like he could kill someone!” Steve, the captain of the soccer team, muttered in Jeff’s ear.

Jeff glanced over at Alan. For his part, Alan had avoided approaching any of the other boys and had taken a seat at the far end of the bleachers, staring like a hawk at the team. “He’s really not that mean or scary. He just doesn’t know how to interact socially. Can’t he at least watch our practice? He lives near my apartment, so we were going to walk home together, since the streets are kind of dangerous these days….”

Steve hesitated, then finally agreed with a sigh. “All right, if you’re sure he won’t cause trouble.”

“I don’t get it,” Alan said as they were walking home. “What’s the point of kicking that ball around?”

“You’re trying to get the ball in the opposite team’s goal. That way you can gain a point,” Jeff explained.

“Is that fun?”

Jeff grinned. “Maybe you should try it and see.”

Alan shook his head. “Vampires have a lot more strength than humans. If I kicked that ball around, I’d just break something or end up smashing someone’s face.”

“Hmm, I see. Still, did you enjoy watching, at least?”

Alan glanced at Jeff, then away, then back again. “I guess,” he muttered.

“You know, Alan, I was thinking. Even if you don’t want to make friends, it would help if you learned some more social skills, don’t you think? You said that Arisa taught you some; but you also asked me and Tessa to help. Why don’t you practice at school?”

“Okay, but what exactly do you want me to do?”

“First of all, it would help if you smiled.”

“How do I do that?”

Jeff halted, startled by the question. This might be harder than he thought. “Well, it’s like this,” he said and smiled at Alan. “The corners of your mouth turn up. I suppose it’s easier if you smile naturally…usually people smile when they’re happy or if they hear something funny. Maybe I could tell you a joke—“

Alan shook his head. “Arisa tried to tell me jokes sometimes, but I didn’t understand them. She said I don’t have any sense of humor.”

“Hmmm. Then is there anything that makes you happy?”

“I don’t really know. I..don’t really understand things like happy, sad, angry, those kinds of things. Angry and scared make a little more sense, I guess. Arisa said I probably feel those things, I just don’t know how to tell them apart.”

Jeff nodded thoughtfully. “Then we’ll just have to find a way to help you learn the differences,” he said encouragingly.

Alan shrugged again, but he didn’t protest. The rest of the way home, Jeff began thinking of ways to help Alan recognize emotions. It would not be easy, it would not be fast, but he was sure Alan could do it. And if nothing else, it might at least make others think more positively of him. It would just take patience.

It was a complete surprise, though, when Jeff stepped into the classroom a few days later after lunch to find a group of classmates surrounding Alan’s desk. They were exclaiming eagerly over something that lay on the desk, and in the midst of them was a very uncomfortable Alan.

Steve looked up eagerly as Jeff hurried over. “Why didn’t you tell us Alan was this good at drawing? He’s amazing!”

Jeff blinked. “Drawing?” he repeated, bewildered. He had only seen Alan color, and that had seemed pretty normal.…He peered over the other’s shoulders to see a rather intricate drawing of an empty classroom. Suddenly, he remembered the most recent coloring page they had been working on at home, one that was part of a series of pictures of rooms that you could color in. It was quite detailed, with lots of little spaces to color, which Alan seemed to enjoy. Jeff could not be certain without looking back at it, but Alan’s picture looked a lot like that coloring page….

Jeff smiled. “That is really good,” he said.

Alan looked up with a glare. “I was just making lines so I could color something,” he muttered, warily glancing at all the people standing around. But for once, they paid no heed to his fierce expression, all their attention on his picture.

“Not everyone can draw like that,” Jeff chuckled.

“Yeah, I could never draw like that in a million years! How did you do it without a reference?” a girl asked eagerly.

Alan gave her a blank look. “Reference?”

“Were you drawing something you’d seen before?” Jeff suggested.

“Yeah….”

The girl’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me you were drawing from memory?” she gasped.

“I just drew the picture I saw last night...why is that such a big deal?”

But by now several jaws had dropped and the room had fallen into stunned silence. Finally, Steve stammered, “A-are you some sort of prodigy?” Alan was saved answering, however, by the teacher coming in and calling the room to order.

“Is drawing really that impressive?” Alan asked on their way home that day.

“It’s because you can make such a detailed copy just by remembering, instead of having the picture in front of you. That’s really hard to do for most people.”

“Doesn’t seem that hard to me. I just do it.”

Jeff chuckled. “I suppose geniuses can’t really understand what it’s like not to be one….”

Alan gazed down at his hands, clenching and unclenching one of them. “A genius….I’m not sure this skill or whatever is really mine, though. I’m made up of dead parts, remember? There’s probably some dead artist in my hands or my brain or something that makes me able to draw like that.”

Jeff glanced at his friend’s brooding face. Gently, he said, “Even so, you’re the one who’s using those hands and that memory now, aren’t you?”

Alan said nothing, but for a moment his eyes softened their intense gaze. “Ah, there it is!” Jeff cried, causing Alan to start. “You were happy just then, I’m pretty sure.”

“Really?”

“I’m going to interpret it that way,” Jeff said with a grin.

“If you say so….” Alan said uncertainly, but his eyes softened ever so slightly again. Yes, it would take time for Alan to learn his emotions. But he was off to a good start.

[topazshadowwolf]

I was rereading HNBD, and I'm a bit confused with what the situation is with killer's soul. Do emotions hurt him, and NM takes them away? Could you please explain a little of how your version of Killer works? I've seen MANY variations of how Killer's mutated soul works, but I'm curious as to what yours is. Thank you!

Okay... so emotions do cause pain, it's a different kind of pain, but it is pain. And as someone who is emotionally dead as Killer is, any actual emotion he does feel seems amplified. He feels sad? Well, that pang of sadness really hurts... After all, that time alone, isolated in his empty world, not knowing what emotions were anymore, he just... doesn't know how to react to that anymore.

So... how my version of Killer works, though, is similar to how Nightmare explains to little Killer in GoopTales. His soul tries to operate as normal, but it can't. He is not meant to work with a soul like that, so there are some communication difficulties between him and his soul. Emotions literally get trapped within it, and try pushing their way out. Think of... it as trying to pour water through a clogged funnel. Going with sadness again. For as long as he is "sad," that emotion is trying to make its way through. What does make it through the funnel, he feels. But mostly, the emotions back up and overspill. That is the black tears. Not going with the liquid hate with this.

It's corrupted magic. Monsters express themselves with their magic. This includes their emotional state of being. This is why Killer is not as attuned to his magic as he should be. Not that he can't use it, and if he could fully tap into it, he'd have a deep well of mana reserve. Unfortunately, he just can't use his magic as fully.

Back to the clogged funnel example. So he gets a few drips of that sadness and is acutely aware of that. Black tears are also dripping down his face as there is plenty of overflow. But that's not all. His soul is aching. He knows he's supposed to be feeling something more. There is more trying to come through the funnel, but it's just pushing on his soul. The soul now feels heavy and just aches as he is experiencing anger but doesn't know it. He's angry at himself in this example for not being able to stop whatever he's sad about. And this confusion over knowing he should feel something but can't makes him frustrated.

I wonder… how he'll react if this happens without Nightmare carefully removing that excess that is overflowing over the sides?

Let's find out! :3c

So he's frustrated with himself for not understanding what he's feeling, only he's not feeling frustrated as those emotions are just shoving on his soul, trying to get out the right way. So he gets angrier... and distressed because this isn't right and his soul is really getting heavy... and hatred for himself because he made a choice... and hatred for Chara too for doing this to him... depression for what happened and what he did... and oh no...

Oh, dear...

That's a lot of emotions he's not feeling trying to shove their way through at once. And it hurts... and he's confused... and the amount of corrupted magic in him is way too much for a healthy monster. That's got to be clouding his mind and judgment of what he should be doing with corrupted energy... It's not just dripping from his eye sockets anymore. It's starting to come out of his mouth, too... That can't be good!

[moonchildridden]

Trigger warning: slight mention of trauma

A small confession I have to make about the episode and how Pai's words to Sky while they were talking in Pai's room and Sky asked why he was crying turned me into a crying mess: when Pai said to Sky that he should've met him sooner, that he would never hurt or make Sky cry, it reminded me of something that I always think regarding the changes that happened to me since my trauma started.

I am a very different person today than I was 5 years ago (my incident happened in 2017, a few months before I turned 21) and that change, a byproduct of what happened to me annoys me because it didn't happened naturally and instead of making me a better person, made things worse. I was far more expressive and affectionate towards people, at least people close to me because I'm an introvert, I used to allow myself to actually feel whatever emotion I was feeling in the moment and could confide with my best friend about almost everything that happened to me. Me post-2017 is someone very closed, reserved, distrustful of anyone and everyone, my circle of friends is even smaller than it was before and I barely feel like I actually have the proper means to process emotions because nothing except self-loathing, sadness and anger lasts for more than 5 minutes.

My last relationship ended because my partner said that I didn't seem invested in them and, even knowing that we weren't exactly compatible at the time, I know very well that I wasn't in the right mind space to date anyone and ended up making someone suffer for that. Lucky me they were a very understanding person and the relationship ended in mutual accord and we are still friends til this day.

When I think about the people I met after 2017, all the friends I've made, people I've interacted with, I always wish they've met the version that isn't plagued by the shitty actions of someone else, someone that could've been much more invested, showed much more emotions and could really connect with them. Don't get me wrong, every friendship I've made since then is very precious to me and I would walk on fire for them, but I feel like they don't have the better version of me, the person they deserve to have by their side, a person who's not broken.

And every time I think that, every time I'm reminded of that, confronted with that, I can't help but feel helpless and angry for not being strong enough to run after that moonchild that got lost in 2017, a moonchild that had so much love to give and was cut short. It just sucks to feel like that sometimes, you know? Because a part of me knows it wasn't my fault but the other one, the one that is so far gone deep into the memories, just keeps screaming for me to just give up and resign to the idea that I will be forever like this, a shell of my former self.

[noroi1000]

hiii! Can I have a (romantic) matchup please 🖤..

She/her, pan .

Personality: I tend to keep to myself unless someone comes up to me and starts a conversation (a lot of people say I'm very intimidating when they first meet me for some reason 😂). I tend to be slightly reserved with someone until I'm comfortable with them, then I'm a massive dork (I love to joke around and make people laugh). I am very empathetic, always trying to keep the people around me happy (even if I'm not in the end) I hate disappointing people so I can over work myself sometimes. If someone is rude or annoying me I tend to get very sassy and sarcastic. I am very protective of my friends and love ones and get very angry if someone hurts them. I'm also a very calm person and it takes a lot for me to get angry/snap. I also sleep a lot....like a lot, unless it's during the school year then I tend to get like three hours lol (it's a running joke in my friend group that I never sleep). sometimes I stop in the middle of talking because I think I talk to much (I've been told many times that I do so I just try not to really talk in a way)i play with my hands a lot, I have a really high pitched (idk sorta cute?) sneeze, I can be very clumsy (I literally tripped on air once😂) when I do something scary my hands shaky after I've done the scary thing (if that makes any sense).

Aquarius, infj.

I like reading books, writing, listening to music (mostly kpop). I love love to dance (again mostly kpop). And even though I hate being in front of crowds I do like doing shows where I dance (I've done it multiple times with my friends at school events😊). I love doing my makeup especially crazy colored eye shadow. I love to be outside also. I also like to go on car rides in the middle of the night (I love going to get food then sit in a random parking lot).

I dislike rude people, heights (I have a fear of falling from them) and peaches (I hate peaches).

My favorite movie is spirited Away.

My favorite song is run away (txt)

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup to

Suguru Geto

He is a dark and calm person for sure, and if you don't get to know him, you will still think so. If you don't make an effort to get to know him, you'd better not get in his way at all. He can often be intimidating in casual conversation or just looking at him.

He won't be able to trust someone right away. Some time must pass before he is acting like his friends. Even if he tries to look nice and friendly. However, it will be a while before this works enough.

People can feel comfortable with him. He, too, can feel that way around them. But it really must be a while since he met them.

Without the serious face of the first meeting, he's different. Completely different. He smiles a lot, laughs at everything. He irritates other people and makes jokes. But he even calls them if he doesn't like something.

He does not hold back in his actions when something or someone upsets him. He immediately says what he thinks, disregarding their feelings. They finally pissed him off. For a loved one, he wouldn't be able to hurt someone like that. After all, he could not hurt his loved one or a close friend. Just as he doesn't like it when someone else hurts someone. He doesn't want important people to cry or be sad. He doesn't want to show there is something wrong with him, but he wants everyone else to smile. He doesn't matter at what time.

Sometimes he doesn't even pay attention to him own well-being in order to make others better. He's even doing more than he should. He doesn't want to disappoint anyone or make anyone think he is lazy. He does a lot of things, and often he doesn't spoil anything.

He tries to keep others in good mood and looks after them. It is important that they are close to him.

He is often serious and can only smile in front of others.

Even though his nervous time is average. Sometimes he will get angry with something or someone more quickly than with something else.

He is definitely not lazy. The same cannot be said for him. Everyone likes to sleep, but he knows he has a routine to follow. And if he has a lot of important things to do, he might as well get his sleep less than usual.

Headcanon:

• If you are a close person to him, you can be sure that nothing will happen to you. Even the most caring person needs care. Therefore, he is there to take care of you.

• He understands fear. After all, it is natural for the body to generate adrenaline and therefore you behave differently.

• He wouldn't want you to overexert yourself. He will tell you that there is no more you can do and you must rest. Or if you are doing something else (which is not so important) it will make you sleep so you wake up refreshed. He may not sleep himself because his body is regenerating quickly, but he is worried that you need to rest longer to avoid feeling faint the next day. That's why he sometimes exaggerates…

• He really want to see you smile. Looking at you and at others, he feels like he is happier himself. It is easier for him when you are fine. What cannot be said about him, because he is capable of hiding his negative emotions and well-being for a long time until he can only explode when alone.

• Protecting you is something he knows he must do.

• It doesn't mind being clumsy. It can help you avoid more accidents. Of course the serious ones. Even things like stumbling or cutting with a knife. Unfortunately, he cannot predict when something will fall out of your hands. But he is very observant and has reflexes like no other.

• The fact that you talk a lot doesn't bother him much. He's actually a type of listener. He won't say much about himself, but he won't mind hearing about others. And if he finds out about you all thanks to it, he will be happy. He may at least surprise you with its memory.

• Sneezing, yawning, or anything you make sounds just cute to him. Fortunately, you don't scream or screech by pissing off others. That's enough for him.

• He doesn't mind if you do what you want. As long as there is nothing dangerous or unhealthy there. He will even help you develop your interests. You can sing and dance in front of him. He can be your audience. But never ask him to dance for you. He can't do that. Can do something with you, but never alone. He just can't…

• He can help you judge your work on your face. He will honestly say what he likes and what he doesn't. No, but if he doesn't like something, and you like something, he's not going to stop you from painting like that. It's worse with dressing, because you are sure to dress warmly in winter. And also that it is appropriate and comfortable, and that it is not so when you go to a city where someone else might notice you in a really different outfit.

• Night walks and rides are fine for him. It is important that he can be next to you and protect you.

"It was cute. Do it again. Come on. Who else but you can make such sweet sounds? Are you saying that I should do it myself? Haha! I'm telling you I'm not a bit cute. I'm not a cute being. But you are. You're kawaii…"

[isindismay]

isindismay (2024) 'A comprehensive and entirely biased review of the shipping dynamics involving Jean Vicquemare', Journal of Fanwork Opinions.

ABSTRACT: I am tempted to bullshit something for this but I highly doubt anyone will read this, let alone get the joke. I have spent too much time on this absolute nonsense already. And no I am not going to re-write this in academic style with references to Fayde and unnecessary charts. No matter how funny it would be (to me).

Harry (495) Not my favourite, but I totally see why it is so popular. The angst, the unrelenting angst. I can see the appeal of a slow-burn fix the relationship fic, but this ship only appeals to me when I'm in the worst moods so have only read short devastatingly angsty fics about them. I like art of them, however.

Kim (168) Also doesn't appeal to me, but again I like art of them.

Judit (95) If god forbid Hollywood got hold of the IP, Jean/Judit would be canon. But don't listen to me, I'm just a slash shipper who can only appreciate a certain amount of M/F ships and this isn't one of them. But I do like their canon dynamic.

Harry and Kim (92) You'd be forgiven for assuming I would also not like this ship considering what I said earlier, but you'd be wrong! I've read some nice fics about the three of them sorting out their differences and caring about each other. Also weeds out the Harry/Kim shippers who hate Jean and the Jean/Kim shippers who hate Harry.

Trant (84) My favourite. They're a classic sunshine one/sad one. I think Trant finds Jean so fascinating and he would be so good for Jean.

Chester (11) I'm surprised there's so many fics considering how minor a character Chester is. Haven't read any of them, but I'm kinda curious. I'm thinking the appeal is two guys being bastards to each other, similar to Jean/Harry but less violent.

Titus (9) Another in the column of two guys being bastards to each other, I imagine? Only with more violence this time.

Dora (4) I see the vision. Jean called Dora extremely fuckable, he's probably only seen a photo of her, but nonetheless. How better to hurt Harry than to get with his ex, right? I get the feeling some of these may be Harry/Dora/Jean also. Extremely unhealthy dynamic, would probably only read if I was experiencing severe self-hate and wanted to feel worse. Angst all the way, baby!

Klaasje (4) This is one of those ships like Harry/Klaasje that could be a canon hookup but doesn't appeal to me. Everybody leave my girl alone unless you're gonna run away with her.

Harry and Kim and Trant (3) I love this dynamic and think there should be more of it. One day i may finally unleash upon you all my magnum opus about this ship. Probably requires extreme circumstances to force it to happen, because I think Trant and Kim at least would have serious reservations.

Evrart (2) Only fanart exists, but someone should write about them. Evrart would see Jean as a challenge and I think Jean would secretly enjoy the attention. I can see a slow-burn while they both try to manipulate each other for… some reason.

Garte (2) Ok it's just me and like 2 other people who enjoy this ship. But listen, it's two angry, pathetic guys taking their frustrations out on each other. My fic about them is hands down the best characterisation I've ever written of either of them. It's actually sad we see more of Garte being not angry than Jean in canon (although now i think about it Garte may have more dialogue lines total).

Insulindian Phasmid (2) An interesting concept but not really my thing. However I can't stop thinking that Jean would just instantly scare the phasmid away.

The Smoker (2) Could be interesting. The Smoker would have Jean as a client. Jean would be a shitty client, but could the Smoker find a way to his heart? Will Jean ever learn the Smoker's real name?

Judit and Judit's husband (1) I actually don't mind the idea of this. We learn very little about Judit's husband in canon though.

Harry and Kim and Judit (1) I'm kinda curious about this dynamic, although it probably hinges upon one shipping Harry/Kim and Jean/Judit.

Guillaume Bevy (1) Maybe this is on me, but I don't remember G Bevy getting much beyond a mention in-game so I don't feel like I can comment.

Jules (1) This could work. Jules is very calm and deliberate and clearly down to indulge Jean in his bullshit.

Measurehead (1) I'm not sure I could sit through a whole fic about Measurehead. Uh, I guess they could hook up while Measurehead tells Jean about the degeneracy of his racial features? But the question is, with or without Measurehead's babes watching and making comments?

Pryce (1) I guess this is a classic power dynamics situation, but Pryce is such a minor character I don't see the appeal.

These don't exist but I think they should:

Mack Surely the existence of Jean/Chester begs the question of Jean/Mack.

Chester and Mack I mean, why not, right? They seem like an inseparable duo, after all. I could see them kinda making a game of flirting with/teasing Jean until he snaps.

Judit and Trant I can't believe nobody's written a fic where they're trying to calm down/distract Jean from going on a rampage pre/during canon. I think both of them are a bit too sensible for this so alcohol would need to be involved.

In conclusion, the characters shipped with Jean are many and varied and I have given you my opinions on them all. However, there is still plenty of scope for shipping Jean with other characters, as I have mentioned, so would encourage fan fiction writers to continue to think outside of the box.

[pastelbatfandoms]

Rebirth of The Widow - A Prequel

Part 1

The Day The Light Dimmed

Earlier...

Clint arrived back at Avengers tower. Looking worse for wear and feeling even more terrible. Sad and depressed he climbed up the stairs to where the rest of the team was hanging out in the family room waiting for Lili and Clint to return with the soul stone.

Bucky was beside himself, he kept pacing the room until Natasha told him to sit down. He did , the bouncing of his leg proving he was on edge. Bucky couldn't explain it but he just had this feeling something was wrong. His head snapped up when he heard the sound of the elevator and saw Clint walk in.

Others got to him first, "Did you get the stone?" Asked Steve. Clint nodded not able to speak, Natasha immediately picked up on Clint's mood, "What's wrong? Where's my sister?" she asked.

"I...she's..." Clint trailed off, unable to get the words out as he tried not to choke up.

Bucky was on him then, "Where's Lili?" He demanded to know.

"Bucky calm down." Steve told him trying to calm him but it didn't work.

"Clint..." Bruce eyed him then, coaxing him to talk. "Why isn't Lilianne with you?"

"She...um," Clint could barely get the words out, his voice wavering, "She sacrificed herself. I tried to stop her but-"

Bucky whirled on him angrily, "She what?! What do you mean she sacrificed herself, where is she?!" He growled.

Clint looked at him in tears as everyone fell silent in disbeleif. "I'm sorry James she's gone."

Bucky's world seemed to slow down in that moment as he processed what Clint was saying, "No...she wouldn't..." But Bucky knew she would, she always sacrificed herself first for others, for the world, for love.

"Wait but couldn't she heal herself?" Bruce asked trying to be the calm one as he comforted a distraught Natasha.

Clint shook his head grim. "Not at that far a drop. No one could've-"

Just then a fist hit Clint sqaure in the face as Bucky glared at him wild eyed.

"Bucky!" Natasha cried out, Steve stayed quiet knowing his friend always let his frusterations out on others now when he was hurting or upset. It was usually just reserved for enemies. Lili was the only one who could calm him before he reacted and now she was gone...

"You're lucky it wasn't my other hand." Bucky ground out through gritted teeth, meaning his metal fist. "This is your fault. You should have stopped her, I should have never let her go without me."

"Buck it's no one's fault." Steve spoke up.

Clint shook his head, "No Steve he's right...I should have sacrificed myself, tried harder."

"You're right, it should have. been you" Bucky snapped, but he didn't really mean it he was just hurt and angry.

Steve walked up to him, trying to calm him down as he put a hand on Bucky's back and led him away. "C'mon Bucks lets cool down somewhere else."

Bucky let his best friend lead him away but he was far from calm. Eventaully he apologized to Clint but the rift that had been made that day hung in the air for a long while.

"Hey guys where's Tony?" Bruce questioned.

Back in the present....

Bucky was just angry all the time after that, depressed and feeling lost. Honestly wishing he was The Winter Soldier again so he didn't have to feel this pain anymore. It felt like he had lost his other half, every night he dreamed it was him their instead of Clint yet that didn't make a difference, he was always a little too late, trying to hold on as he shouted Lili's name as she fell to the depths below, it was never enough, he lost her all over again , again and again....

As did Clint...but his was a living nightmare.  So he decided to become one.

A few months later… Steve stops Clint on his way out of The Avengers compound. "Where do you think you're going?" "Out." Is Clint's only reply then noticing Steve's look he sighs. "Look I don't need to be here, you don't need me." "We do." Steve tells him, crossing his arms. "Lilianne would want you to stay and fight."

Clint whirls on him, "Don't tell me what Lili would or wouldn't want me to do. I am doing this for her!" "Giving up?" Steve observed as soon as he noticed the collapsible sword in Clint's hand. Clint looked down, with a heavy sigh. "I'm not…But nothing we do is going to bring them back…It's not going to bring her back."

"We won't know if we don't try." Steve told him his expression serious. "I do know." Clint gave him a long look, "And I'm going to do what I need to do. I lost my family after the blip, I lost Lili, if it hadn't been her it would have been Nat. I can't lose anyone else if I'm not around." "We've all lost someone. I loved Lili, She was my friend too." Steve reminded him, recalling how he'd have lost Bucky if it weren't for Lilianne's help and determination. Clint's expression was somber as he said, "Not like I loved her…"

Before Steve could ask what he meant Clint was gone jumping out the window before Steve could stop him. Soon after Natasha walked up to Steve asking where Clint was. "He's gone." Steve told her. Natasha frowned at him, worried. "What do you mean gone?" "Clint left. Said he had to handle some things." Steve replied looking down, hands on his hips. Natasha knew exactly what Steve meant by that, "He's not dealing, he's running away. Why didn't you stop him?" She asked Steve accusatory. Steve just looked at her, "I tried. I can't force him to stay, I couldn't stop him." Natasha's tone was serious as she looked at Steve with a determined expression, "I Can." They had been there after Clint lost his family, and Lilianne had been there when Clint became the Ronin once and pulled him back, Now it was Natasha's turn to do the same.

Once she found him in Japan again, fighting and killing Mob families'. Natasha walked up to him in the pouring rain at night just like Lili had…the only light was the neon of the city signs. "You shouldn't have come here Natasha," Clint told her, taking off his mask. Natasha just stared at him, "Lili wouldn't have wanted this Clint." "Well she's not here, is she?" Clint ground out, still not looking at her. "No, she's not. But she saved you once before, now it's my turn. This isn't going to bring her back." Natasha told him. "Someone has to know where she is…" Clint wondered to himself, not realizing he had said that out loud. Natasha frowned at him, "She's gone Clint, for good. " Clint shook his head, "No she's not." Natasha gave him a sympathetic look, thinking he was in denial. "You said you saw her die. We have to accept that and-" Clint sighed, interrupting her, " I thought she had. But no Natasha, Lili's alive. Tony told me…SHIELD took her." Natasha stared at him in disbelief momentarily before asking, "What do you mean she's alive?" Clint closed his eyes briefly, feeling bad he hadn't told her what Tony had told him before he left, "She survived but barely. Coulson took her to a SHIELD facility to help her. I don't know where that's what I've been trying to find out…" Natasha stood there in shock for a moment trying to absorb this new information before finally speaking, "So…we find her together. But as Black Widow and HawkEye, not Ronin.." Clint agreed with a nod of his head, before taking Natasha's hand.

They had a plan to use their SHIELD resources to track her, once Clint had discarded his Ronin suit. But a month later still nothing. They told no one keeping it a secret even from Bucky. But then a girl named Kate Bishop calls Clint needing his help, he trains her to become a female Hawkeye and they take down KingPin together. Natasha still looking for Lilianne, But she didn't realize someone else was looking for her sister as well or who they thought was her sister's killer.

[fieldofdaisiies]

Maybe could you do one where azriel gets really mad at you and feels really bad afterwards and you're being stubborn??? Thank you for all the amazing work that you do :)

oh thank you, you are so very welcome, here you go!! Hope you like it :)

Azriel x Reader | Distrust

type: angst  warnings: none word count: 907

*all rights reserved*

You were so very angry. Once again jealousy had gotten the best out of Azriel. He once again had misinterpreted a situation, had accused you of cheating or drooling after Balthazar when the Illyrian male had just wanted to help you with dagger handling. Azriel had nearly thrown hands—you had been the one to stop him before winnowing away thoroughly annoyed and disappointed in your mate. But you had not left before telling him those very heart-shattering words.

“Hell, I really can't do this anymore.”

Why could he not simply trust you? It was not that you had been mates for years…

After leaving Azriel and the others you had taken a bath, trying to sooth your body and clear your mind. You loved Azriel more than anything but you also knew you could not continue a relationship with him when he always acted like that.

His bitterness reached you through the bond and you knew that he had not immediately followed you as he had realised that he had messed up greatly and that you needed time. 

And you also needed to make a decision—staying with him or leaving him for good. It would rip your heart apart but his constant jealousy and territoriality was not cute or hot anymore it became simply annoying. 

You hated that he just could not trust you fully—the fundament of a relationship was trust after all. 

You somehow hoped he would not come to your shared place the whole night—hoped he would give you time to overthink everything, to get your head clear. 

Well, your wishes weren’t fulfilled. 

"What?" you snapped, lower lip quavering, you head buried in the pillow and the blanked pulled up to your chin. The door fell shut after your mate had entered. Shadows skittered towards you, climbing up your body and smoothing over your cheeks. 

"Don’t be grumpy now, please."

You pushed the thick wool blanket of your body and got up from the bed. With quick steps you made your way over to Azriel—your mate. The audacity. 

"You really think that I am grumpy, Azriel?" you questioned, your voice increasing in volume. 

"I am fucking disappointed and sad. Sad that you think I would do something like that. Disappointed that you don’t trust me. We have been mates for four years now—"

Your voice broke, throat burning and tears starting to fill your eyes. It hurt so much—yes, he was territorial, but you never gave him any reason to distrust you. You had only been faithful and honest to him, still he always found some way to question your loyalty.

"Y/N," Azriel whispered, pleading lacing his voice when he reached his hands forward to grab yours. You quickly pulled yours back and crossed your arms.

"Nothing, Y/N. We have this stupid conversation nearly every week now. It is getting tedious."

"Y/N, please. You know how I am. I am—"

"Yes, I know how you are. But you also know me. Better than anyone else. And you know you can trust me. I have never given you any reason to distrust me."

Azriel lowered his gaze to the ground, jaw clenched. "I know."

"Apperently you do not. Otherwise you would not freak out like that everytime a male just gets close."

"Balthazar di—"

You threw your hands up in dispair. "Azriel! He helped me hold my dagger, that was it. Gods, what is up with you?"

Groaning, you moved back to your bed and let yourself fall onto it, covering your face with your hands. You only removed them when you heard the rustling of wings and the light cracking of bones. Azriel knelt in front of you and the bed, hands on your knees.

His bitterness and pain reached you through the bond and you sat up, moving your hands over his. "Azriel, why can you not trust me?"

"I am just so afraid of losing you…I don’t even know myself. I know you would never be betray me, I trust you, but I don’t trust the males."

"You can trust Balthazar. And apart from that he knows I am mate."

Azriel swallowed thickly and shook his head. "When I wanted Elain I did not care about her mate one single bit."

Now your throat worked on a swallow, something bitter and very much like jealousy rising inside of you. 

You squeezed his hands. "Right. But you know I would not leave you for anything. Nothing in this whole entire world could take me from you." Taking his hands into yours, bringing them to your mouth and kissing his knuckles.

"You are my mate, my home, my world. The only person I will love until the end of the world and until the end of our immortal world.”

Azriel exhaled loudly when he tipped his head back to meet your gaze. “I am sorry. I trust you. I am sorry for behaving like this.” You dipped your chin, removing one hand out of his hold to brush it over his head. Then you leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

“Forgiven. But this was the very last time. I can’t do this another time. It breaks my heart when you make me feel like I am disloyal or unfaithful.” Azriel closed his eyes for a long moment and inhaled. He kissed your palm and nodded. “I will never happen again. I promise you that.”

tags: @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbitxh (sorry I forgot to add you to the list)

[hearthcraft-adventures]

Friends Hold Friends Accountable

Last night, I pissed off a friend of mine. And if I'm being perfectly honest, if I said I was sorry I would be lying.

I admit that the way I spoke to him was blunt. When I say I am blunt, I mean I am blunt in the way that people from Eastern Europe are blunt - if someone is being an idiot, I tell them. Unapologetically. (Do not ask for my opinion if you do not genuinely want it). This is not because I am trying to be an asshole. I have a difficult time conveying what I mean if I also need to pause for a few centuries to figure out how to tiptoe around someone's feelings. It is just a skill I never learned. But here's approximately how the conversation went :

Friend A : I don't think that Friend B wants to be my friend anymore.

Me : Understandable. You were kind of a dick to them. And by "dick", I mean, "you were an absolute shithead".

Friend A : I don't think it was that bad.

Me : Uhhh, yeah. If someone did to me what you did to Friend B, I would end them.

We talked a bit more, I said he should come over to play chess again after work sometime, and I later received a text from Friend A that said, "I feel disheartened, angry, & sad with some of the things you said about me - to me. No, I don't want to come over."

Here's some more context.

Friend A and Friend B had an extremely brief relationship. If one can call it that. Friend B told Friend A that they were absolutely not going to sleep with them unless it was clear that there was commitment happening. Friend A has lots of commitment issues, and had stated before that they typically are into people with [not Friend B's physical features]. Friend B made it very clear that while they would be potentially interested in a relationship with Friend A, they had reservations based on what information they already knew about Friend A, from Friend A. At some point, I am hanging out with Friend A, Friend B, and George. I saw Friends A & B holding hands and I ask if they are an item, to which Friend A responds, "Yes". This made Friend B feel secure, and think that Friend A was serious about a relationship. Later that night, they slept together, and then Friend A immediately told Friend B that he did not think he was ready for this, so sorry, and throughout the exchange kept reiterating that Friend B is "not [his] type".

I think that I may have been interpreted as calling Friend A a bad person. I do not think that. He is typically quite sweet, but he has a lot he needs to unpack (ideally in therapy). I also do not believe that anyone ever intends to be malicious. When he initially broke it off with Friend B, he told me that he had just panicked, and then realized that it was a mistake, but did not know how to fix it. Friend B, of course, is still upset, and has every right to be.

The point I am trying to make is, whatever one's intentions are, whatever their circumstances, they still need to be accountable for their actions. I see a lack of accountability in society today, especially amongst people that are supposed to be friends with each other. If someone is really my friend, I expect them to hold me accountable, and I, likewise, will be holding them accountable. That is just what friends do. If I consider myself to be your friend, I want to see you grow as a person and prosper. As I am sure we all know, growth is often uncomfortable.

I recognize that I should have tried to be more tactful, but to be honest I was more concerned with getting the message across in that moment. I am trying to figure out a way to word a response text that, in short, says, "I do not think you are a bad person, and I do not think you wanted to hurt Friend B, but your actions are, nonetheless, inexcusable. Because no matter how someone looks at it, no matter how much of your perspective & where you're coming from is understood, it does not make the situation not, 'I used this person for sex'. Whether you realize it or not, that is what happened".

Maybe I should just say that.

It might also be worth stating that if Friend A does not want the kind of friendship that has accountability, we should probably not be friends.

This is the kind of conversation I would want to sit down with someone and have a drink over, but I also know that is not going to happen. The conversation above also happened in the parking lot outside of work, and it definitely should not have been a parking lot conversation.