#I remember there used to be this one Levi x reader writer | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

levi-my-beloved · 2 years ago

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Chapter 4.5: The Ackerbond Learns

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: SMUT x2, will there ever be a chapter where they don’t fuck? heavy depictions of physical and mental abuse, subconscious coping mechanisms, kinda just some cute hurt/comfort tbh

A/N: so much for a mini chapter this is 15k words goddamnit. BUT, huge thank yous to both @peace-for-levi AND @levmada for beta-reading this chapter. and i apologise for what i have planned next :��)

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye @leviackermanst @poisonpeche @arcticcashew @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored

“You want me to take in your… offspring?”

A woman Levi didn’t recognise sneered in disgust at the two young children and what he could only describe was a girl almost half his own age –maybe younger– dressed in a peasant’s finest clothes. Which didn’t look like much.

He would know, after all.

“Ma, please. They’re too young to survive this famine. You have more than enough here, I beg of you, please.”

The two children – a girl and a boy – huddled closer to their mother, the boy chewing on a small necklace of dull brown beads. He didn’t look like he had teeth yet.

The girl, on the other hand, looked a little older. Her hair was tied back in an uncomfortably tight looking ponytail. She couldn’t have been any older than eight.

“What am I supposed to do with them? That one looks like he’s still suckling from your breast. I have no use for a child that age. This one on the other hand…” Her aged eyes slid from the boy to the girl. “This one I can teach maid duties. Washing, cleaning, cooking, that kind of thing.”

Their mother looked uncertain, glancing between her daughter and the older lady. “Well? Hand her over and stop dirtying my doorstep. We don’t appreciate filth here in Mitras.”

So that’s where he was. Although, taking in his lavish surroundings, Levi could have guessed as much. The ornate chandelier, the deep crimson curtains with gold embroidery… His nose wrinkled. He fucking hated high society.

The girl crouched before her daughter, taking her little wrists in her hands. Levi was startled to hear her say your name. This must have been a dream he’d conjured up in his exhausted state. Maybe a product of his suspicions after the incident yesterday. Then why didn’t this happen–

Then it dawned on him.

The bond.

Was that it? Was he seeing into your memories? But you’re so young here, how could you possibly remember this?

Regardless of his confusion, your mother continued.

“You have to stay here, okay? You have to be brave, and you have to be strong. You’ll be alright here. You’ll be safe here. Do you understand?”

He saw little you nod your head shyly, your hair bobbing with the movement. Even this young, you had that fiery conviction in your child-like eyes – that same determination he saw in you now.

Your mother pulled you into her arms and squeezed you tight. “I love you so much, okay? Remember that. Your mother loves you dearly.”

When she pulled back, Levi’s heart shattered with the confusion in your eyes. You didn’t understand. How could you? You were only a kid.

He vaguely wondered what age you realised your mother most likely wasn’t coming back for you. What age you realised she had most likely passed in the famine, along with your brother.

How didn’t he know any of this? How had you kept this so close to the chest? And why? Why hadn’t you come to him? Why hadn’t you told him any of this?

He could have helped you. He could have eased whatever you felt.

Fuck, it hurt to know you’d kept this to yourself, suffering in silence for so long.

He thinks you understand when your grandmother roughly tugs you back by the shoulder, not bothering to steady you when you almost fall.

However, pride flared in his chest when you steadied yourself and remained standing, As sure footed as ever.

To his further pride, though slight concern, you didn’t cry as you watched your mother turn away, your brother in tow.

Your grandmother showed no remorse for sentencing a young woman and her toddler son to their deaths.

He hated her instantly.

The large oak doors echoed closed as the crone’s wicked eyes pinned you down. “So, rat, you have a name?”

Levi knew there was nothing he could do, this being a memory, but fuck, the urge to scoop you up in his arms and take you away from here was ridiculously strong.

Though, he supposed that if this was what you were doing when you were this age, his situation wasn’t much better.

You uttered your name quietly, though instantly winced at your grandmother’s interruption: “Speak up! I can’t hear you squeaking down there like that. Hold your head up!”

You did as she said, stammering your name louder.

“Hmm, and how old are you?”

“Six and eight months. Nearly seven.”

“I know you’re nearly seven, stupid girl. Has your useless mother taught you anything? To read, write? Cook and clean, to sew and darn? I have a few pairs of stockings that need–”

“She didn’t teach me any of this stuff. I didn’t want to. It’s all boring. But I did learn how to–”

The crack against the side of your face could have silenced the screaming dead. You fell backwards, clutching your cheek with both palms.

Your grandmother looked at you impassively, as if you were nothing but dirt that needed wiping with a wash-cloth.

Levi found his instincts coiling in his gut, a threatened viper baring its fangs.

“Get off the floor. You look ridiculous crumpled in an undignified pile like that.”

To Levi’s continued surprise, you actually stood. Still no tears lined your eyes as you looked up at her, your palms falling from your slightly swollen cheek.

“Things work differently here. I am not your mother. That worm was about as useful as a paper fireguard. No, here you will be taught manners, duties, and above all else, respect. You will not speak unless spoken to. You will not eat until all of your chores are done. You will do as you are told and answer to the housekeeper when I am away. Am I understood?”

You stayed still for a moment, and Levi could feel you fight with yourself whether or not to submit to her.

But she raised the back of her hand again, and you nodded. “Yes.”

“‘Yes, Ma’am. I will teach you respect, rat. If it’s the last thing I do.”

She once again pinned you with a glare so foul Levi shivered despite himself. Who the fuck did this bitch think she was – In her velvet dress and her striking emerald brooch, her hair pinned in a tight bun.

You did this to her, he realised; It was your grandmother who had you cowering that day.

His hatred burned like a living thing.

“Laudna!”

From the door on the right came a dignified looking maid, her apron pristinely pressed, not an inch of dirt to be seen.

He’d almost be impressed if she didn’t have the same sour look as your grandmother.

“Yes, my Lady?”

Laudna looked down at you in the same vein as the old crone, with distaste and disgust.

Her eyes scanned you from head to toe, seeing through the flat attempt to make you, a peasant girl, look presentable in front of nobles.

“Get this urchin washed and clothed properly. Tailor her a new frock from the rags if you must. I can’t stand the sight of her in those clothes. Then take her to the kitchen and put her to work. Scrubbing the dishes until she can see her grubby little face.”

The housekeeper nodded artfully.

“Yes, my Lady. Anything else for you today, ma’am?” she asked, a voice like fool’s gold as she gripped your forearm with a strength that surprised him.

He saw you struggle slightly, but dropped the attempt as soon as you learnt how iron her grip was.

“Yes. I’ll have my supper in the east wing this evening. And make sure the terrace is ready for this afternoon’s tea. We have a guest coming over. The Commander of the Scouts is paying us a visit. I think he’s trying to garner favour in order for some of us with money to help pay back his debts. I have no intention of such a thing, but I do like seeing a powerful man on his knees.”

Fucking Walls, this woman was insane.

“Very good, Ma’am.”

He watched as you were dragged away, and found himself following without a choice.

This was a lot to take in. Your mother gave you up when you were a kid to your foul grandmother who had already hit you within the span of the few minutes you’d been thrown into her care.

It didn’t exactly give him hope for the rest of your childhood.

Levi’s heart only bled more as he saw you scrubbed raw and tossed into clothes that were far too big for you. The housekeeper took a pair of fabric scissors to the dragging hem, not caring about the frayed edges.

She measured you in front of an apron, her mouth quirking to the side when she saw it was also much too large for your small frame.

Taking the same liberties as she did with the frock, Laudna roughly set her scissors to the off-white apron, cutting it to size and forcing the strap over your head. It hung far too low to be of any use, but at least it wouldn’t drag along the floor now.

You were dragged down several flights of dimly lit, narrow stone stairs, Levi following behind before the walls opened up into a scullery, lit by surface level windows along the top of the walls.

“You see those? They need to be spotless by this afternoon. You heard the Lady. Some Scout Commander is coming ‘round and she wants them for their meeting. Clean them and arrange them on the tray. Eva, the scullery maid will come and check your work once you claim to be finished. Until then, work silently and work diligently.”

Levi saw your determined face, and though you needed to drag a stool to stand on just to reach the basin, you didn’t waver in your task. Your little hands worked around the sponge diligently, fingers carefully turning ornately patterned china teacups, ones he would envy did they not belong to a tyrant.

Obediently, you didn’t make a sound, only the sloshing of water and the gentle tink of china against metal softly echoing in the empty chamber when you set the freshly dried cup against the metal of the shining tray.

For someone who hadn’t been taught this before, you were doing remarkably well.

Though he guessed he understood. Coming from dirt, it was an impulse to want to see things clean. He guessed you were no different.

When the lid to the teapot was placed delicately on the rotund piece, you called out proudly, “I’m finished!”

But nobody was around to answer your call.

Dread pooled in his gut as he saw the familiar urge to prove yourself.

With the clumsiness of a young kid, you stepped from the stool and reached up to the metal tray.

Though the china was fine, your arms had yet to build any muscle. Already slightly malnourished, you simply couldn’t bear the sudden weight in your outstretched hands.

Losing balance, you fell back, and the shattering of china burst his eardrums.

That pool of dread grew heavier as the silent aftermath lingered on.

Maybe nobody heard. Maybe you were alright. Maybe you could run and hide somewhere, wait until nightfall and escape through the servant’s entrance.

But you were naïve. You tried to pick up the pieces, resulting in a sharp cut on your finger.

You hissed as you drew back, cradling your hand in your chest.

That was when footsteps came rushing down the stairs and three women stood before you: Laudna, the housekeeper, a younger looking woman who he assumed to be Eva, the scullery maid, and your thunderous grandmother, a thin cane in her hand.

“Back on the floor. Must be a rat’s instinct to be so close to the ground. What happened?” she sneered, looking at the broken china, her granddaughter, and your cradled hand.

“I-I was trying to bring the tea to you… I was finished but nobody was here, so I thought I would just take it up myself. But it was too heavy and I dropped it. I’m sorry…”

You looked so earnestly remorseful it physically hurt to see you bend before such a witch of a woman.

Your grandmother lifted your chin with the end of her cane. “Well, as long as you’re sorry, that’s all that matters. Accidents happen, don’t they, little one?”

Levi was instantly on edge. He knew these types of people. He knew what they were capable of.

And he knew a false comfort when he saw it.

Every fibre of himself screamed at him to intervene, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t move, despite throwing his whole body weight in any direction.

This was a memory, and he couldn’t change the past.

“Just pick it up and all will be well.”

“I can’t… the pieces are sharp. I’ve already cut my finger, look.”

You held out your hand, falling into that net of faux-assurance, the strings holding you fraying.

But that look of innocent concern didn’t fade from your grandmother’s face. “It’s alright, just be more careful and you won’t get hurt.”

With the reassurance given, you reached down again to take a larger shard into your hands.

Your scream speared Levi’s heart as the woman in front of you stepped forward, and pressed the sole of her boot against the back of your hand, forcing it into the razor-like pieces scattered across the floor.

She let you try and tug your hand back, knowing it would only earn yourself further lacerations against the flesh of your palm.

“That china set,” she continued monotonously, clearly unbothered by your agonised cries, “was a gift from the Prince himself. Would you like to be the one to kneel before him and apologise for destroying it?”

Levi once again tugged on his own body, his voice too stuck in his throat as you wrapped your other hand around your wrist, trying desperately to pull it from beneath her boot.

She ground her heel tightly, and you yelped again.

“Answer me, little rat.”

“No! N-no! I’m sorry it was an a-accident! P-please! Please stop, it hurts!” you begged, still trying to wrench your palm from the floor.

The moment she lifted her foot, you scurried back, your hand once again cradled in your chest. Only this time white pieces of china stuck out jaggedly from your palm, the front of your apron now stained as crimson as the curtains in the hall.

You quivered as she stepped closer to you, curling in on yourself.

It broke him.

“Accidents happen, but not in this house. You will learn to be perfect, or you will be nothing. And stop snivelling, or you’ll end up in the sty with the other pigs.”

You dried the tears down your cheeks, doing your best to top the wracking sobs in your chest.

Relief filled Levi’s lungs as your grandmother turned to leave.

But he could see the sudden surge of bravery in your face, and he mentally pleaded with you not to.

It was too late.

“I hate you!”

The room stopped.

Laudna and Eva shrank away to the sides of the room as the crone stalked back.

Bending down to you, she took both your wrists in her own hands and brought you to your feet, her face centimetres from yours.

She said nothing, but surveyed you the same way Levi had seen cats survey a mouse in their claws, deciding whether to play with them or sink their canines into the poor rodent’s neck.

Without another word, she brutally dragged you back up a flight of stairs.

You fought back this time, digging your heels into the stone, only to lurch forward when she tugged you particularly hard.

You screamed. You cried. You begged for her to let go, only to shout how much you hated her the next moment.

All of it was taken in stride by your grandmother, who kept her steely look of grit as her hold on you didn’t waver.

Unbolting the steel lock on a small wooden door in the side of the wall, she tossed you inside like a ragdoll, and you fell amongst buckets and mops, broom handles clanging on the stone floor.

You managed to tuck your scarlet hand somewhere safe before you landed heavily on your shoulder.

Just watching this had Levi’s echo in pain.

The broom closet stayed lit for a few moments as your grandmother stood and looked at you.

“Learn respect,” was all she said, before the door slammed shut and you were blanketed in suffocating darkness, the sound of the bolt sliding across again prompting you to throw yourself against the door.

Levi watched, soul twisting, as you pounded against the door, the excruciating pain in your hand suddenly fading to nothing.

Your voice broke with every scream, the door shuddered with every punch. Until you finally ran out of energy, and slid to the floor.

Your knees curled into your chest as you steadily removed the shrapnel from your palms, whimpering with each searing pull.

You placed the bloodied china in the corner, where you knew you wouldn’t sit for fear of cobwebs and spiders.

Wrapping your hand in your apron, you set your forehead on your knees, and wept, unknowingly into Levi’s phantom embrace. He’d taken a seat next to you, now free to move, and though he couldn’t interact with your memory, he’d set his arm around you.

Maybe you felt his comfort, maybe you didn’t.

Levi liked to think you did.

The rest of your years there blended into one long stream of echoing slaps and slams of the broom closet door.

Your feisty determination faded as you became used to the endless beatings and blinding insults from your grandmother.

That fire only returned to your eye on your fourteenth birthday, when you left to join the Scouts.

You didn’t even say goodbye. Didn’t even tell her where you were going. You just packed what little things you had into a small saddlebag, and took off.

He smiled inwardly as you stole one of her horses.

Seeing you grow up like that, in a timeline of nothing but terror and pain, he knew he understood you so much more.

This was the product of the bond, he knew it was. It can’t have been anything else, not to be so specific like that.

Stirring from his sleep, he found to his content relief you snuggled into his chest. You’d slid down into his embrace during the night, your nose pressed into the hollow of his throat. As much as he adored seeing you curled up in his arms, you were both still filthy from before.

Levi cringed, torn between not wanting to leave your side after what he’d just seen, and leaving for a few moments to fetch some kind of damp cloth just to get rid of the worst of the mess.

His fingers idly sank into your hair as he debated, gently scratching soothing caresses before he made up his mind. He would only be gone for a few minutes, and he doubted you would wake in that time.

Slowly separating from you, he felt a pang of heartache at the loss of your contact, and at the way you tried to follow his warmth, your brows furrowing, perturbed. Even in sleep you were charismatic.

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, Levi slid from the sheets and stood, stretching his back.

He didn’t know what time it was, but honestly, he would place it anywhere between twelve and two in the morning. You both still had a few hours left.

Looking back at you, he had to physically stop himself from putting his fingers against your pulse, just to make sure. He’d seen you move not moments ago. You weren’t dead.

But he couldn’t help himself. The urge wouldn’t leave him until he checked anyway.

The pads of his fingertips pressed gently just below your jaw, feeling the faint but steady thump of your heartbeat, matching the same one in his chest.

Yes. Good. Still alive. Obviously.

Cursing himself for being overly worried, he turned back to the discarded clothes on the floor.

Oh.

Levi forgot he’d cum in his briefs last night.

His cheeks heated slightly at the thought, and angled his eyes to the ceiling so he didn’t catch sight of himself. He knew he was littered with little marks from your wandering teeth.

He vaguely wondered if you had even eaten yesterday evening before devouring his fucking body. Maybe you were part titan or something.

He was all too happy entertaining these thoughts before another pushed them from his mind.

He didn’t have any clothes here. Neither of you had clothes here. This was just one of the spare bedrooms. It only had fresh linens because he demanded they be put on during the cleaning.

Wait, if this room had linens, maybe it had–

Levi silently but urgently padded over to the cupboard, and quietly twisted the knob open.

Well, at least he wouldn’t have to wander around a castle full of his sleeping squad naked. Four neatly folded white towels greeted him with silent amusement. Two bath towels, and two hand towels.

Slipping out the bigger one, Levi wrapped it around and secured it at his waist. It would be good enough for now, and if he happened to meet anyone they would naturally think he’d just come from a shower.

He didn’t want the squad to know about his newfound relationship with you. Not yet.

Snatching up the two smaller hand towels, Levi sent one last look in your direction, smiling to himself at how peaceful you looked, before nipping out to gather a few things: a spare uniform for himself, a spare uniform for you, and to dampen the hand towels.

What he wasn’t expecting upon his quick return, was you sitting up in bed, softly illuminated by the silver moonlight.

You were staring at him, your gaze unwavering, and he only realised why when he closed the distance, setting down the spare clothes and damp cloth on the end of the bed.

You were crying. Silently. Not the wracking sobs he’d seen from you the other evening; silent tears slipped down your cheeks.

You must have seen it too; you must have remembered your own past.

He understood coping mechanisms. He understood how the brain could simply erase something from your memory, force you to forget anything even happened in order to preserve your mental state.

Maybe that’s why you never brought up your childhood. Because you simply didn’t remember a lot of it.

Without a word, you reached for him, and he didn’t hesitate to open his arms to you, his hand instantly soothing your hair.

Breaking the silence felt wrong, even though he wanted nothing more than to reassure you. It just felt wrong. Not until you wanted to talk about it.

He wouldn’t bring it up unless it was on your terms. Talking about something like that wasn’t easy, he had some idea himself.

Levi shuffled a little closer to you, wrapping his other arm around your waist and letting you softly cry into his shoulder.

He understood. He really did. He understood the agony of remembering a childhood like that. He understood more than most what you were going through.

Until he didn’t.

“How old were you?”

He barely heard the question muffled into his shoulder, and even when he did it took a moment for his brain to process.

Suddenly it felt like you were holding him.

“How old was I?”

“When he left you… how old were you?”

Levi blanched. How the fuck did you know about that? How could you possibly–

Then it clicked.

When he was seeing your past, experiencing your memories, you were watching his.

This was the worst possible situation.

He hadn’t told you for a reason. He hadn’t told anyone other than maybe Erwin.

He didn’t want you feeling like this. He didn’t want you to look at him with sympathy, or with any kind of pity or sorrow. He didn’t want you to feel like you had to comfort him, because his past was his own burden to bear.

And now it was yours.

With no small degree of guilt, Levi buried his face in your hair.

“Fourteen,” he responded quietly.

He wasn’t about to lie to you. He was never about to lie to you.

But he fucking hated that you knew. You knew everything now. Knew what he had done back down in the Underground. Knew the crimes he’d committed, the people he’d killed, the shit he’d been through.

Fuck. Fuck.

You drew back from him, and he reluctantly pulled his face from your hair.

But even when you cupped his cheeks with your palms, he didn’t look at you. All shock from your own past had been replaced by guilt from his.

You were crying for him. You were crying because of him. It was his fault you were upset. His fault you felt the need to hold him like this. His fucking fault.

“Levi, stop.”

He froze.

“Are your thoughts always so damn loud?” you asked, tilting his head so he had no choice but to look at you.

The echo in his chest steadied his heartbeat and slowed his breathing; he was getting ahead of himself. Though the guilt still hurt, he knew you would never blame him.

But that didn’t stop him from blaming himself. He gazed at you, wondering when the tables shifted so dramatically to the point where you were now comforting him.

“I don’t want you to shy away from me knowing you, ‘Vi. What happened back then… you did what you had to do to survive. I can’t say I would have done any differently,”

It would have been worse for you. You would have ended up like my mother.

It was a thought he couldn’t voice without choking. He didn’t want to think about that; his mother, or you in her position. He couldn’t think about that.

“I sliced a man’s hand open for harassing Isabel. I slit one’s throat for touching her. I settled one of Farlan’s debts by beating the shit out of the men who wanted his head. I’ve killed. I’ve hurt. I’ve left scars on people I will likely never see again. You said my reputation didn’t reflect who I was. Now you know it does.”

He saw that realisation reflected in your eyes, and felt the need to pull away. You didn’t need someone as filthy and disgusting as him near you. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved the world, and he couldn’t give you anything.

His eyes widened as you sat up on your knees, and planted a kiss to his forehead.

“But you have also saved. And you have healed. You have spent your entire life fighting, whether it be for survival, or humanity. You think I wouldn’t snap the necks of anyone who touched any of our squad like that?

“Levi, the situation you lived in never made you a shitty person.”

He thanked your existence when you wrapped your arms around his head, letting him keep some of his dignity by hiding his tears in your chest.

Fuck, he hadn’t cried like this in a long, long time.

–You’re too good for me–

–I heard that–

Levi tore his head from your embrace, suddenly uncaring about you seeing him fall apart.

He’d heard you. Your voice, clear as day, in his head.

He knew he hadn’t said that out loud. In fact, he made the conscious effort not to say that out loud.

But still, you just looked at him tenderly, using the pad of your thumb to brush away the tear from beneath his eye.

“Did you just…?”

You nodded, though a little shyly. “I, uh, yeah. I didn’t wanna say anything because I didn’t really know for certain or not but, uh, yeah.” You smiled sheepishly.

Levi didn’t really know how to react.

How much could you hear from his head? Could you hear everything?–or just some things? Did you hear what his subconscious wanted you to hear? That felt a little convoluted, honestly.

“But I do know it wasn’t your fault, ‘Vi. You’ve blamed yourself for so long, but you couldn’t have known the outcome. Or what would have happened had you stayed with them. It’s likely you wouldn’t be here either.”

You paused, looking downcast. “I wouldn’t have known you.”

“They could have survived.”

“And you could have died.”

He already sounded resigned. “Wouldn’t that have been better?”

“That’s a selfish way of looking at things.”

“I’m a selfish man.”

You sighed, once again taking his face in your hands. “No. You’re not. You’ve spent so much of your life dedicated to other people. How is that selfish?”

Levi looked at you. Really looked at you, and found his heart conflicted by the lack of deception.

He wanted you to be lying. That would be so much easier. He wouldn’t have to change his opinion of himself then.

“Isn’t wanting this…wanting you, selfish? So much death I’ve caused. So much pain, and I get to be happy. That doesn’t seem fair.”

You smoothed his hair back. “Think of it as life finally paying its debt back to you. You get to spend the rest of your life with a really hot soulmate. That’s me by the way, hi.”

You grinned, and Levi fell in love all over again.

His hand covered one of your own, thumb swaying gently over your fingers.

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asked, though he looked a little more convinced that he did deserve you now. He felt it too.

“I don’t really– mmph!”

He cut you off with a searing kiss, your lips instantly parting to taste his tongue.

With utter, delicate care, Levi laid you back down amongst the pillows, his mouth still connected to yours, savouring your muffled whimpers into his lungs.

–Can you hear this?– he asked, reaching out through the now open doorway between you.

–Yes–

Levi groaned into your mouth. Fuck, even in his head your voice was breathy.

–I love you–

It was the only way he could tell you without his heart bleeding. The only way he could say it without his fears getting in the way. Without his voice shaking.

He would say it to you one day. Out loud.

But for now, his soul shuddered with your gasp against his mouth, briefly pulling back to study him wide-eyed. He could see the way slivers of silver lined your lower lashes, the soft quiver of your lip.

He thought for one terrifying moment you would respond with your voice, until you tugged him back down against you and your tongue danced with his once more.

–I love you, too–

Even with his lids shut, he could still feel the way his eyes burned with unshed emotion.

It had crossed his mind once or twice, the idea that you might just love him back, but hearing it from your, well, own mind, was something else entirely; the confession brought with it a flood of unfamiliarity that he never wanted to let go of.

He felt a push against his shoulder, and slowly fell to one side, his brows pinching as you straddled his already growing manhood.

How the fuck he still had the ability to go another round after the night you’d both had, he had no idea. All he knew was that he needed to be inside you again. To feel you again. He needed to feel you squeeze and shudder around his cock as you reached your peak. He needed you.

And just when he needed you most, you pulled back again.

“This seems familiar. Now I know how you felt the other evening. Were you really this aroused just from sitting in my lap?”

You rocked your hips, trapping his hard length between his pelvis and your sopping heat. Levi mewled as you took his hands from settling on your thighs and held them above his head, your eyelids fluttering with each drag against his leaking tip.

“Please.” Levi simmered, the thundering throb returning to the underside of his marble cock.

A shiver played down his spine as you lifted your hips from his, fed his wrists through your one palm, and used your other hand to slowly sink onto him.

Your head fell back, a guttural groan pulled from your lips as Levi arched into his pleasure, jaw unhinged. The slide was easy, your walls being slick enough from your combined arousals.

It would take a bit for Levi to understand the synced sex drives, only just coming to terms with the way you started to gush when he hardened.

You secured your hold on his wrists once again, keeping them pinned above his head as you ground his tip against that spot inside you.

Your clit echoed in response, and you smirked as Levi’s eyes rolled up into his head, cracking a long moan to the sky.

Everything felt like an aphrodisiac: the slick squelch of his cock inside your cushiony walls, the air thick with scented arousal, your biting hold on his wrists… It all fucked with his head.

“You weren’t very specific last time ‘Vi. Wh– oh fuck, where do you f-feel that?” you stammered as he bucked his hips into you, seemingly without control.

Had he not been so aroused, he would have thought twice about showing you. But you were bound to him, you knew him. And he felt no shame in freeing one of his hands, having to sit up slightly to reach behind where you sucked him in.

“Th-there. F-feels good… there. In-nghaa! Inside!”

You rocked against him again, and Levi fell back against the bed with another stuttering moan.

“Well,” you panted, “I wasn’t expecting that.”

Leaning forward, you pinned his arms again, before slowly rising from his cock, savouring the delicious drag against your walls, and sinking down again.

Picking up a rhythm, Levi was defenceless against his own writhing. Bringing his feet up for leverage, he managed to put all his effort into pounding into you from below, meeting your increasingly desperate rhythm as you started to ride him hard and fast.

He didn’t think he would ever get used to stimulation like this. A carnal concoction of whining gasps left his throat with each thrust, watching your face slacken with molten pleasure.

Using your pleasure as a distraction, Levi freed himself from your hold. As fucking hot as it was to be held down like that, at this moment, knowing what he knew now, he just wanted to feel your skin against his.

His arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you down and into him. You cried out at the shift in angle, joining his wanton moans as he pummelled your g-spot with each stroke.

“Fu-aahah! R-right there ‘Vi! Right there…! Oh fuck, fuck y-yes!” you crooned in his ear as you clung to him, nails biting the muscles in his shoulders.

Levi felt nothing but ecstasy, your tight, pulsating walls dragging him up to cloud nine as he felt his balls draw up without warning.

“G-gonna cum! Gonna f-fucking cuahaaah! Mmnaghah! Fuck fuck FU–”

Levi’s eyes flew open as he crested his high, slamming up into you a final time before exploding inside you, painting your throbbing walls ivory. His hold on you tightened as his muscles clenched, hips humping erratically into your soaking velvet.

Your walls held him in a vice-grip as you reached your simultaneous orgasm, your juices flooding around his spasming cock you all but screamed into the pillow by his head. Your nails dug crescents into his flesh as you convulsed atop him, your thighs trembling around his own.

The room settled as you came down, panting arduously into his ear, akin to that of running a marathon.

Levi thought for a terrible moment you were crying, you uneven breaths fanning against his ear. Only to find, to his tremendous relief, you were laughing. With a tender grip on your shoulders, he gently pushed you upright, raising a sweat slicked brow at your apparent amusement as he softened inside you.

“Something funny?” he asked, with no small degree of soft humour. He could happily drown in your smile.

“Nothing specific. I just have a feeling these next coming weeks are going to be specifically tiring for us,” you giggled, sliding off his lap with a hitch of your breath.

Levi sat up, reaching down the end of the bed for the damp rag he deposited there earlier. “Why do you say that?”

He felt you shiver slightly as he swiped the now cold towel between your thighs, cleaning you up from both your messes.

Though he stopped when he felt your foot against his shoulder, arousal already short-circuiting his brain.

“Because I already want to go again,” you drawled, trailing your foot down his bicep and digging your toes into the muscle there.

Levi snatched at your ankle, and you cackled, high and loud.

“Walls, you really are insatiable. I’m starting to worry if I'll even survive the next few weeks.”

You grinned wildly as he threw the dirtied towel towards the far side of the room with the rest of your discarded clothing, before lying back down facing you.

Goosebumps prickled his skin as your fingers trailed along the marks you’d left behind with your teeth, your digits playing dot-to-dot with the dark blossoms.

“If you die, I die. So try and stay alive, Ackerman,” you murmured, drawing your nail across his collarbone.

He took your hand up to his lips, placing a kiss on your knuckles.

How such a small gesture could fluster you after literally riding him into oblivion, you would never understand.

“Do we know if that’s how it works? You could go on to live a long and happy life.”

You scoffed. “Without you? Like a jaded lover, Levi, I would rather dramatically throw myself off the top of Wall Rose.”

Levi huffed in amusement. “If you’re not wearing a flowing white dress, I’ll be disappointed in you from the afterlife.”

“How many romance novels have you read?!”

He both loved and hated that shit-eating grin when you know you’ve called him out on something.

“Enough to know a jaded lover must wear a white dress when she kills herself. Otherwise, there’s no point.

“And a well-prepared monologue about how you simply cannot go on without me. If you stumble over your words, I’m not associating myself with you in our next life.”

You jabbed him in the ribs, your own side jolting at the sensation.

“Someone’s been planning. Do I get to prepare myself for your heroic death or do you go away on a mission someday and leave me forever pining upon your return?”

Under usual circumstances, joking about death isn’t something Levi did. He saw it enough to know it’s nothing to laugh about. And nobody becomes desensitised to the screams of those being eaten alive. It’s simply not possible.

Though, somehow, he found himself at ease with this conversation. Most likely because there wasn’t a single circumstance where he’d let you die. It simply wasn’t a possibility.

And it never will be.

“Maybe you’ll find a letter in my desk one day addressed to you after not returning. And only after you dramatically kill yourself, do I return.”

“Oh, you’ve definitely read Frederik and Jules. There’s no way you came up with that on the fly.”

“It’s a good story, what can I say?” Levi shrugged, his heart blooming with this most honest of conversation topics. Not once had he ever told anybody he actively enjoyed reading a few romance novels. He usually labelled them as folk-tales just so Hange would get off his back.

It felt strangely liberating to actively admit this.

“What did you think of the twist-end? Where the poison didn’t actually kill her?”

“Predictable.”

You almost shoved him off the bed. And you would have done, had he not instinctively wrapped his arms around you. Damn bond.

“You cannot have predicted that, I refuse.”

Levi tightened his hold on you, refusing to let go even as you tried to push him off. “Just because you couldn’t predict the twist doesn’t mean other people couldn’t.”

“Did you just call me slow?” You gaped in mock offence.

But Levi’s expression dropped entirely, and you felt the spear of guilt in his chest.

You tilted your head in confusion. “‘Vi?”

How could he be so fucking careless? He’d just seen an entire childhood of insults and abuse and he just threw a quip like that at you?

“I–” He felt so lost staring into your quizzical gaze, too heartbreakingly innocent to set him at ease. “I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

Levi clenched his jaw as you gently touched your knuckles to his cheek in reassurance. “I saw your childhood,” he mumbled guiltily.

Though it didn’t seem to clear anything up for you.

“Oh! Anything interesting?” you asked, a clueless smile pulling at your lips.

You really didn’t remember, did you? Was he really about to force those memories back into your head…?

“You… How much of it do you remember?” he asked with no small degree of trepidation, and he watched your face fall into contemplation.

“Honestly, not much. I remember my mother just, abandoned me with my fucking grandmother, and I remember her being kind of a bitch. Oh, and that she would lock me in a cupboard when I pissed her off but, that’s about it. I left when I’d just turned fourteen so, yeah not much,” you explained, way too lighthearted to fully grasp the weight of the situation.

Levi’s lips pressed into a thin line, avoiding your searching eyes.

“‘Vi…?” You pressed lightly, and he sighed heavily in response.

“You really don’t remember any… abuse? Physical, mental, emotional. Anything?”

His chest throbbed painfully with your dismissive scoff.

“Abuse? God no, sure she was a bitch but she… she didn’t…” He saw your expression shift as you started to doubt your own unreliable narrative. “No. She never… right? I didn’t… no, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t have… I…”

You looked down at your hands, littered with tiny scars, and the newer, darker scabs, putting the pieces together. “I just thought… I thought I was just careless. I didn’t…” your breath picked up, tears lining your lashes as he watched you remember. “That never… this isn’t… what did you do?”

It was your accusatory tone that struck him. So terrified of your own past, he saw everything in your petrified, wide eyes.

And he felt that agonising guilt. Because those memories were fresh after being dragged out for him. Because with his knowledge now, came your remembering.

And it fucking hurt.

“Nothing. I couldn’t do anything. I tried. But I couldn’t interfere with them.”

He held you as tear after tear slipped down your cheeks, until your sobs became inconsolable.

You hadn’t faced this. Your mind had locked these away behind an iron door, and now you were experiencing everything again for the first time. Memory after memory of years spent in fear and pain.

He could do nothing but soothe you. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know, but you’re okay now. You’re safe now. She’s gone, I promise you. They’re all gone. You’re alright, you’re safe.”

He didn’t know how long he’d been soothing you, didn’t know how much time had passed before your wracked sobs became mere hiccups, but he didn’t stop.

He wouldn’t stop. He would never stop.

You were under his protection now. Completely.

Levi stroked your back, his hand caressing soft scratches into your hair as you calmed slightly, enough to stutter out a few words. “How could I forget any of this…?” You sounded so meek your voice broke him.

He doubled his efforts, tightening his arms around you.

“To cope, most likely,” he responded, knowing all too well what that was like.

“Do you remember everything? From the Underground?”

Levi thought for a moment. There were definite gaps in his memory, but since this was happening to you, he didn’t doubt he’d suffer under the same pain soon enough.

“Not all of it, no.”

You pulled back from the hollow of his throat, peering tearily into his concerned gaze. “I’ll be here when you do. I promise. But I need you to promise me you won’t shut me out.”

Levi honestly didn’t know what to say. Nobody had ever asked him to promise something like that.

Under usual circumstances, he dealt with things his own way, usually by drowning himself in paperwork or training extra hours through the night. Not to mention the fact it was a little hypocritical coming from you, but now didn’t feel like the right time to mention that…

“I– I'll try,” he whispered honestly. He couldn’t promise what you asked of him, and he wasn’t about to make a false one only to break it later on down the line. He couldn’t live with himself if he did that.

You seemed to accept the answer anyway. “Sorry for crying all over the sheets.”

You smiled a little sheepishly, and Levi swept a lingering streak from your cheek. “Not like we didn’t need to change them anyway,” he responded, tucking you back safely into his embrace. Home.

“Mmmm, can’t say I disagree.”

He felt you relax in his arms, sleep weighing in on your body.

He couldn’t blame you for being utterly exhausted – fuck, he felt it too. Emotions have always been tiring as shit for him, and with you now settled comfortably, it was impossible not to feel the pull of dreams once again.

A smile pulled at his lips as he heard your sleepy voice.

–I love you–

–I love you too–

“Sooooo, you and the Captain finally managed to uh, blow off some steam huh? It certainly sounded like f–oomph!”

Eld doubled over after a well-placed kick to his stomach.

After the tension of yesterday, Hange wanted to see what kind of results they could pull from Eren when experimenting one-on-one, meaning your entire squad had the day off.

You wiped a bead of sweat from your brow, bouncing on the balls of your feet as you waited for him to recover. The day was sweltering, but perfect for some extra training, and Levi had arranged a sparring practice session in the morning before the sun reached its peak. “Concentrate, and maybe you won’t get your ass kicked,” you retorted, fixing the gauze around your knuckles. You were already aware he knew, so there was no point denying it. Although the rest of your squad looked blissfully ignorant, only Petra gave you strange looks from across the dusty training field.

An earth-shattering crack briefly halted the session, the burst of fiery lightning split the sky before you all heard the echo of a triumphant roar.

“Seems like Hange is actually getting some good results. Most likely because you’re not there to behead their test subject.” Eld grinned mischievously as he straightened up, holding his fists just in front of his face as a stony block to your vicious kick.

“I didn’t even go to behead him! It was just a warning.”

“Slit his throat then. I’m pretty sure the purpose of a warning is to keep the victim alive so they can heed it, no?”

He ducked beneath another viper strike, before having you skilfully twist away after an attempted jab to your middle.

“For the last fucking time, I wasn’t going to kill him!” you huffed, exasperated with the conversation.

–Do you ever stop talking?–

You almost missed Eld’s next sweep at your legs, barely backstepping far enough to exit his range.

You didn’t even spare Levi a glance; asshole knew he was distracting you. He was most likely doing it deliberately.

–Do you ever stop eavesdropping?–

You heard him snort down the bond, a vocal representation of his little upturned smirk. Poor Gunther; you pitied the man for being up against him today. Despite the two of you fucking like rabbits yesterday, he seemed absoltely fine energy-wise.

Though his walking was a little funny whenever you put pressure on your thighs. So, naturally, you would do it deliberately just to watch him squirm in discomfort.

Levi managed a quick look in your direction, before masterfully feinting to the right of Gunther’s punch. The man was good –not the best– but not terrible. He just needed to clean up his footwork. But it didn’t require much of his attention, which is why he was able to watch you as closely as he was, and interrupt at the worst times.

The corner of his lips pulled up ever so slightly.

–It’s ironic. You tell him to concentrate and yet here you are, distracted.–

You clenched your jaw, trying in vain to push him from your head. Naturally, he remained like a strangely lovable leech.

With a deliberate stretch, you lunge forward, sweeping your leg high over Eld’s head. Personally, you enjoyed the burn it brought to your thighs. Your bond, however, didn’t share the same satisfaction.

–Fuck you.–

–Why do you think your legs hurt so much, sweetheart?– You crooned back, Eld looking at you with utter bafflement as you grinned wickedly at him.

“Yeah, you see that look? And you’re telling me you weren’t about to kill him when you’re capable of smiling like that?”

Flattening Eld with a glare, you raised your fists again, almost tempted to let him land a particularly harsh blow just to see Levi react. It was tempting, if only it wouldn’t hurt you, too.

–You can’t say shit like that…–

Sweetheart? You called him sweetheart? Levi’s heart stuttered in his chest, to the point where Gunther’s foot almost collided with his face.

Everytime he thought he got the better of you, you would do something like this and throw him for a complete loop. But he couldn’t help himself: –You look really hot like that…–

You baulked, footwork faltering slightly. Taking advantage, Eld managed to land a solid hit to the side of your thigh, your leg buckling as you rolled away.

–Levi.–

Oh. A mental growl should not have done that to him. That should not have made him shiver the way it did.

He clenched his fists when you noticed. –Oh? That was an interesting reaction.–

–Fuck off.–

You managed to stifle your smile this time, and save yourself one of Eld’s concerned looks.

–You want me to growl in your ear like this?– you purred, and you were one hundred percent sure that it was arousal stirring in your gut.

This man…

–Thought I told you to fuck off?–

Now it was you who felt a resistance, a vain attempt in pushing you out of his mind. It was adorable. But you decided to play nice, focusing briefly on your sparring session with Eld before you naturally broke away again, sweat beading down your back.

You sighed. –What I wouldn’t give to be sucking you off right now…–

You almost groaned aloud with the spark of heat that ignited in your core. You bit your lip to stop yourself from smirking, before a sharp pain exploded in your shoulder.

A gasp flew from your mouth before you could stifle it, though you were fucking thankful Eld wasn’t looking, too distracted by the triumphant cry from Gunther.

It didn’t take a genius to put the two and two together. You rubbed your shoulder, throwing your bond an accusatory glare. He shot one straight back.

“Seems the Captain’s a little distracted today… I wonder why,” Eld snickered, elbowing you lightly.

You failed to stifle your knowing smile, knowing you’d been caught out.

“I tried to tell you I heard you, you weren’t exactly trying to be quiet.”

It was your turn to physically abuse your best friend, returning his elbow jab with one of your own. “As long as it was just you, I don’t care about keeping you up. But the rest of them look completely unaware so that’s all I care about,” you responded truthfully.

You genuinely didn’t give a shit if Eld knew. He knew everything else about you, there were no secrets between you two. Besides, it wasn’t like you hadn’t heard him and Georgia have sex when she would stay at the barracks. Turns out communal showers aren’t as private as they both thought.

“Not that I know of. Works out well that we all have our own rooms though, especially for you.”

You could tell that wasn’t a jab. He was being genuine at that moment. And that was why you loved the shit out of him.

“Take a break, be back here in ten!”

You pursed your lips to stop yourself from laughing when Levi called for a break. The rest of the squad visibly relaxed.

–You alright over there?–

Fucking hell, Levi couldn’t tell if he wanted to throttle you or kiss you. Maybe both, at the same time, with his cock buried deep in your cunt. Fuck’s sake this was humiliating.

–Does it look like I’m fucking alright? You cannot randomly say shit like that.–

As much as he did adore the banter you shared, there was a small part of him that really, really didn’t want to get hard in front of the rest of his squad. And he was already halfway there.

Feeling even that grain of seriousness, you looked genuinely remorseful. –Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.–

It was a half-assed apology, but he knew the truth within it.

–Tch, just… give me some warning next time.–

–Next time?–

Levi threw a deadpan look across the training ground at you. –You can make it up to me later.–

–Oh? What did you have in mind?–

That fucking tone was going to be the death of him. Your sultry, smooth-velvet voice like that was carnal enough, but in his head? Where he was the only one privy to such a performance…? It melted his insides.

–Wouldn’t you like to know?–

Your mental laugh had him looking away, trying his best not to smile.

–Levi, I think you forget I can feel everything.–

–Yeah, now I have to deal with this for the rest of the fucking morning– he all but whined in complaint, and you rolled your eyes.

–Order a partner switch up, I can take you with a hard-on.–

–FUCKING. PHRASING.–

You snorted aloud, and suffered one of Eld’s ‘what the fuck is wrong with you are you okay?’ looks.

“Allergies.”

He looked unconvinced. “To what? The sun?”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a prick?”

“Yeah. You. Multiple times.” You folded your arms defiantly, eyeing the rest of the group until you saw Petra once again floating around almost nervously—Which is not Petra-like at all. It was almost scary.

“You know what’s up with Pet? She’s been acting off since this morning.”

To your surprise, Eld actually looked a little sheepish on the girl’s behalf. “Yeah actually… I do. It’s about yesterday evening. She sort of… had her own agenda throughout the game. Things haven’t been going well with Oluo apparently and she wanted to make him jealous, which is why she didn’t strip. But then she saw your face and kind of put the pieces together with uh… with some help.”

Before you could even open your mouth to respond, Eld was already jumping into an explanation, fiddling with the collar of his tee. “I was just trying to help, I swear! She was already feeling guilty enough and it was the not knowing that was killing her. I just sort of nudged her in the right direction, but she came to the conclusion by herself. I didn’t—”

“Eld, it’s fine. It’s more than fine. Just… let’s try to keep this under wraps, okay? I don’t really want it becoming a big thing in the squad or in the group, and I really don’t want this getting back to people like Hange or Erwin. Not yet anyway. It wouldn’t be fair on him. But Petra knowing is fine.”

He looked visibly relieved after that, and you gestured Petra over, who had been sparing nervous glances your way for the last five minutes. The redhead scurried over, looking between you and Eld.

“Look… before I say anything, I just wanted to say I had no idea about you and the Captain. I mean, I had some idea, but I didn’t think it was anything serious! And I’m so sorry about yesterday. I did it to get back at Oluo, not because I actually wanted to kiss him, I promise.”

You didn’t interrupt her. She’d clearly been thinking about this the entire night, planning what she wanted to say to you. It would have been a bit of a kick in the teeth to tell her all that stress and worry and planning was pointless.

Plus, the more she talked, the less worked up she looked.

“But then I saw your face when we kissed and I felt fucking awful and Eld helped me figure it out. He didn’t tell me, by the way, he told me to say that but he seriously didn’t tell me—”

Okay, now you were going to cut her off. The girl was turning blue. “Pet, take a breath for a second. It’s fine, seriously. I’ve been meaning to ask what happened between you and Oluo anyway. Things seemed so good a few weeks ago, what changed between you two?”

Eld stiffened beside you, and you eyed him suspiciously.

“I, uh, have to go take a drink… over there… away from here… bye.”

Eld strode away before you could interrogate him any further.

Petra rolled her eyes, and you knew then and there something had happened not only between her and Oluo, but the boys were involved as well.

You turned back to Petra, who seemed to have folded her arms defensively in the short time you were distracted by Eld’s awkward shuffle away. “So? What happened? Vent to me, girl.”

She sighed heavily, tucking one of her auburn bangs behind her ear. “I’ll keep it quick so I don’t break down and punch him.”

–Respectable–

“Basically, I was talking to Gunther about maybe taking the squad to the tavern one evening, and somehow that turned into a conversation about relationships and he asked me about Oluo and what was going on with us so I answered truthfully and said, ‘oh we’re actually just starting to realise we like each other’ and he said, ‘huh that’s weird because I swear Oluo was comparing you to his mother the other day’ and I was like, ‘what do you mean?’ and he said that apparently Oluo thinks I’m constantly nagging him, always on his back for one thing or another.

“I chastise him for, like, being rude and stuff and I’m just, like, ‘well, why are you with me then’, you know? Like, you knew I was like this, you knew I don’t really take any shit and stuff, so why did you ask me out?”

That was a lot more than you were bargaining for. Though, you failed to stop yourself from gaping.

Petra sighed again. “Yeah, I know. What’s more is that he doesn’t even know I know. Like he thinks I’m just on my period and, like, acting funny because of hormones and stuff. Like he hasn’t even considered that maybe he’s just behaved like an ass and I’ve found out.

“At the end of the day, he’s still my teammate and this isn’t going to affect how efficiently we work together in the squad but, like, that doesn’t mean I'm not going to go extra harsh on him when sparring. If he wants me to be a bitch, like, I’ll be a fucking bitch, you know what I’m saying?”

You placed your hands on her shoulders to steady her, attempting to stop her from getting too fired up. “I mean, don’t people say men tend to go for women who remind them of their mothers? Maybe he was only mentioning the parts of his mother that, like, piss him off because he’s an ass.

“Think about it: Is Oluo the type of guy to honestly gush about the person he likes? Because if you ask me, he’s got a stick so far up his ass, he’s like a puppet. He’s not about to go and tell the guys that maybe he actually likes it when you make sure he’s eaten and put him in his place cuz that would seem like he’s some kind of lovestruck fool,” you tried to explain, though she looked like she wasn’t having any of it.

“Look, Levi’s going to change up partners. Let me know who you want to be with and I can suggest pairings,”

Petra raised a brow. “‘Levi’? Since when were you on a first name basis with the Captain?”

You looked away, swiping your tongue over the front of your teeth in faux irritation.

She laughed lightly, and she knew she was just teasing you. “If Eld’s free, I wouldn’t mind being paired up with him, honestly. I could do with a laugh.”

Nodding once, you turned away to put in a good word for her with Levi, who you knew had been watching that entire time.

You widen your eyes at him, blowing out a grimacing breath as you walk over. He seemed to have somewhat calmed down from before.

“The fuck was that about?” he asked quietly, glancing at Petra one more time before his entire focus was on you.

“Not eavesdropping this time?” You all but smirked at him, and he sent you a look in return.

“No, because when you tell me to stop doing something, I actually stop.”

You snorted in amusement, folding your arms and looking to where the rest of your squad had gathered, noting the sizable distance Petra had set between her and Oluo.

“Oluo’s been an asshole basically. You know about them, right?” Levi nodded in confirmation, and you continued, “Apparently he kept comparing her to his mother or some shit and she heard about it through Gunther, who can’t keep a secret to save his life.

“It won’t affect their coordination with each other, but best keep them separate for now until they either reconcile or she kills him.”

“Unprofessional, but whatever.”

You blinked. “But bonding with and fucking your Second-in-Command is totally professional?”

Levi tensed his jaw, refusing to acknowledge the heat rising to his cheeks. “That’s different.”

“Is it now?”

“Yes.”

You laughed quietly, brushing your hand against his—as small a gesture as you could manage to get away with when in the line of sight of your squad.

You still felt his small shiver at your touch, and suddenly it was impossible to take your eyes from his.

–Look away,– he pleaded down the bond.

–Why?–

–Because I’m going to kiss you if you don’t.–

That had you looking away and taking a deep breath. How the fuck were you supposed to spar with him when you could barely look at each other for five seconds without feeling the overwhelming urge to clash your lips onto his? This was torture of the worst kind.

“Break is almost over. I hope you’re not expecting me to go easy on you just because I can feel every blow I land.” Levi threw you a cocky smirk, and every instinct in your body was telling you to wipe it from his face.

“Whatever you say, Ackerman.”

He would never admit it, but he genuinely loved it when you called him by his last name. It sparked something surprisingly playful in him, something he hadn’t felt until he’d met you. It sent his heart blooming to know this feeling would always be associated with you.

“Oh, but pair Petra with Eld this time. Despite enjoying beating the shit out of Oluo, she genuinely can’t stand to look at his face anymore.”

He had to actively stifle his smile when calling out to the rest of the group; “Break’s over! New pairings, Gunther you’re with Oluo. Petra, pair up with Eld.”

The redhead threw a grateful glance your way, though Eld looked at you as if you’d just betrayed him to his worst enemy. A hand dramatically placed on his chest, his mouth agape.

You laughed at his display.

He sent you a cheeky wink in return, before turning his attention to Petra. Whatever conversation they jumped into, it looked a lot more low-key than the one you just had with her not five minutes prior.

“Well, if it wasn’t obvious before, it is now. Although I guess this could just be taken for—!” You yelped in surprise, barely managing to snap your head backwards and avoid his leg sweeping just over your nose. You stepped back nimbly, about to chastise him before you feinted to the left, avoiding yet another sudden attack.

Okay. You could play dirty, too.

Raising your fists, you parried, dodged and manoeuvred around his flurry of blows. It was only until there was a brief lull in the combat did you realise why you were able to avoid his strikes so effortlessly.

You could predict them. The slightest buzz around the area of potential contact alerted you to each blow, giving you those extra split seconds to plan, execute, and follow through.

Sweat dripping down your temple. You watched his every move like a hawk, forming your own attack plan.

Levi couldn’t tell if he was impressed or frustrated; every single one of those blows should have landed. It wasn’t that he wanted to hurt you, of course not, but you reacted with such insane speed it was hard not to get slightly irritated. Every connecting impact he anticipated never followed through, and it was becoming more and more apparent that there was something else at play here.

It clicked when you lunged forward with a sweeping kick to the side of his head. The slight buzzing pulse seconds before the impact alerted him to the immediate danger. Raising his forearms, he blocked the surprisingly vicious swipe, absorbing the impact before backstepping.

“You’re cheating.” There was no other word for it, not as you started to square up to him again.

“How am I cheating? Clearly you can feel it as well. Just gotta try a little harder.”

You winked. You fucking winked at him.

Whether or not you knew you were riling him up was beyond his realm of understanding. Levi blew out a breath, releasing the tension in his shoulders, before levelling you with a steely glare.

One you returned before leaping back into an impossible duet of punches, kicks, lunges and blocks.

It was a spectacle. Like two dancers locked in a forever tango, the rest of your squad started to break away from their own sparring partners to observe. A loose, wide-eyed circle gathered around the two of you, though too concentrated on each other to notice. Sliding low to the right, avoiding another jabbing kick, you reached out to snag his ankle.

Levi felt the anticipation and sidestepped, aiming another kick for your side.

You rolled backwards, using your momentum to flip back to your feet.

This was never going to end at this rate, dodging and feinting wasn’t getting anywhere, so you switched up your tactics.

The next punch Levi aimed, you locked your arm around his elbow and hooked your knee around his leg. Surprise shocked his system as you used his weight and momentum against him. Falling was inevitable, he realised that, but if he was going down, you sure as shit were going down with him.

Using your lock, Levi secured your hold on him, and realisation flashed in your eyes.

–Oh, fuck you.–

It took all his strength not to laugh as the world flipped upside-down quicker than he was expecting, but not too quick that he wasn’t able to loosen your footing with a hard kick to the back of your other knee.

Falling onto his front would have been a major disadvantage, so Levi used that extra push to land on his back, the wind knocked from his lungs twice over as you landed seconds after him.

He thought there was a mutual understanding that, for a second, you could both catch your breath.

Within the next minute, he realised that the understanding wasn’t mutual at all—not when your knee pressed into his sternum, hands gripping his wrists either side of his head with a strength he had no idea you possessed. Your face, now half caked in dust and dirt, lowered until it was inches from his own.

You wanted to kiss him.

“Thought you weren’t going to go easy on me?”

This feeling of helplessness towards you was becoming addictive; the feeling of being completely at your mercy, without a damn thing he could do about it was unbelievably liberating. You could render him utterly blank with naught but a few words, or a single action.

The urge to lean up and press his lips to yours was overwhelming.

“Who said anything about going easy?”

You had all of two seconds to comprehend what that meant before the sole of his boot pushed against your side. You’d forgotten just how flexible he was –a deadly error– because within those two seconds the positions switched completely. The back of your head hit dirt as you now stared up at your partner, sweat slicked visage framed by the clouded blue sky beyond.

Oh, you were definitely painting this later.

–I look that good like this, huh?–

–...You were not supposed to hear that.–

His grip relaxed to a gentle hold on your arms, the knee that was previously positioned on your breast-bone moved to beside your waist. An incredibly familiar position for both of you.

“So, wait… who won?”

You were both broken from your reveries by Gunther’s voice. You hadn’t even realised one person was watching, let alone your entire squad.

“I think this one was a draw…”

Eld’s drawl had heat spreading across your cheeks, strangely missing Levi’s presence as he removed himself from your lap, trying his best to pass off the obvious blush as just rosy exertion. You took his extended hand, pulling yourself to your feet with his help.

Everything hurt all of a sudden, but nothing hurt more than the desperate pounding of your cunt.

A quick glance down at your partner told you this one wasn’t your fault.

“Training’s over. Clean up and take the afternoon off.”

He didn’t take his eyes from you. That burning gaze filled with nothing but heated lust. It seemed your physical break wouldn’t start for a while.

It took all of two seconds for Levi to pick you up and pin you against the shower wall, his teeth tearing at your lips, rough hands groping at your thighs already tightly wrapped around his hips.

You sucked on his tongue and he released a long, needy groan into your mouth as your hand idly fiddled with the shower pressure, drenching you both in warm water and washing away the sweat and dust from the morning.

Levi didn’t know how he’d lasted so long whilst being so close to you. His hands on your body, your face so close to his, it took all of his strength not to pounce on you in the session.

“Levi…” you breathed his name as he trailed biting kisses down your neck, reigniting the faded green bruises from the night before, suckling the rouge back into your skin.

You squirmed against him, grinding your hips into his raging cock, gasping as he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth, circling the sensitive bud with his tongue.

His moan vibrated into your chest, and you mewled as you rolled his own between your thumb and forefinger.

Trailing back up your throat, Levi recaptured your lips, thrusting his hips against your heat.

You were as wet as he was hard, water barely keeping up with washing away your slick as his fingers skirted down your front to where you were desperately bucking against him, his mouth falling open with a pitched whine when his fingers brushed over your pounding clit.

Your brows pinched, unable to take your eyes from his as his fingertips rubbed you perfectly, catching your hooded nub with every swipe.

Levi’s tip pulsed clear fluid along with your pleasure, the echo between you getting stronger and louder until it felt like he was just teasing his cock with his own hand, panting heavily against your cheek. He ached to be inside you. Every fibre of his body alight with the anticipation of feeling your walls around him again.

He was addicted to you. Addicted to this. This feeling of complete worship he could give you. It felt so fucking good to make you feel good. He’d wanted to for so long.

“J-Just fuck me a-aah! Already! Stop messing around… Cock. In. Now.” You punctuated your words with three blinding thrusts against him.

You reached down before his next teasing rock of his hips, aligning him with your soaking walls and savouring the delicious stretch when he thrust forward again.

Taken by surprise, Levi’s mouth dropped open with a slew of carnal groans, cursing under his breath as he adjusted to the feeling of your scorching silk.

He held you firmly as you squirmed in his grip, making vague attempts at getting him to move. Each of which were extremely successful everytime his tip caught your g-spot and pleasure cascaded through his veins.

It took far too long –in your opinion– for him to actually start moving, your brain having already melted by the time he pulled out and steadily pushed back in, drawing a long, pitched whine from your throat.

His cock throbbed with each draw back, shivering with ecstasy as his pulsing vein dragged against your soft, tight cunt. The sound of the shower barely drowned out your shared sounds of bliss, panting into each other’s mouths like animals in heat.

Levi threw his head back, gritting his teeth when your fingers clamped down on his nipple again, his length surging inside you as he had to slow his increasing pace, simply to last longer than two seconds.

It was your prime opportunity to attack his neck with your teeth, nibbling lightly on his sensitive pulse point. You didn’t want to leave a mark. Well, you did, but for the sake of saving grace, you kept your bites light against his skin. Though the second you ventured below the collar line of his shirt, you no longer restrained yourself.

“Fuck! Y-yeah, ngh– shit…! Always… always feel s-so fucking–! Good!” His mindless babbling dissolved into incoherent simmering as you suckled against his collarbone, whimpering against his flushed skin when his pace picked up again, thrusting mercilessly against your bundle of pleasure.

Your nails dug crescents into his back, dragging lines of fire down either side of his spine as you abandoned his chest in favour of simply taking in oxygen.

“L-Levi! Gonna… gonna cum! Do-ah’’nghahaah! Don’t s-stop! P-please, fuck Levi please! So close, ‘m s-so fucking close!”

Heat accumulated at the apex of your thighs, the coil in your gut tightening and tightening before Levi bit down against your neck, and everything snapped.

Your thighs shook around his waist, silky walls holding him in a vice grip as you throbbed and convulsed through your high. Every desperate gasp for breath accompanied by a high-pitched moan. Your heels dug into his lower back, keeping him close as you clung to him tight.

Levi’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he felt your orgasm as his own, heavy balls twitching as he released his pent up tension into your waiting cunt. Rope after rope of ivory painted your walls as he lost control of his hips, barely able to hump deeper into your pussy with the tight hold you gripped him in.

A gravelly, drawn-out wail fanned your neck, your ear tingling with his completion.

With the last twitches of his cock, you held each other as you simultaneously came down, breathing heavily within the now steamed shower block. Your forehead pressed to his, sweat and fluids combining with the raining water.

Your hand came up to thread through the back of his wet hair, gently angling his head so you could easily access his lips.

Smiling against your mouth, Levi slowly pulled out, letting the streams run down your body and wash away any remnants of the mess on your thighs. He adored the slow, languid kisses after the whirlwind sex with you, bringing his heartrate and head back down from the clouds and grounding him with your slick tongue.

To be so spellbound by you, to be so completely wrapped around your finger, it was a feeling like no other.

“Mmm, ‘needed that,” you murmured, pulling back to actually start the process of showering.

Levi chuckled, snatching the bar of soap from the side, his bar of soap, before you could reach it.

You gave him a look of ‘seriously?’ until he turned you around, and started to lather up your back. You couldn’t say it was unwelcome, your muscles having seized up both from training and fucking. Your shoulders tense and riddled with knots, you sighed contently as his thumbs dug through the muscle, easing the painfully packed tissue.

“I think ‘need’ is a bit strong, in light of recent events,” you snorted in amusement, and he felt you relax completely into his touch, the back of your head resting atop his shoulder.

It was strange, though. As much as he could feel your pain, your pleasure, and everything in between, there was no effect on his own tense muscles as he kneaded yours. No such relief as he moved down your back. This would, admittedly, be much easier if you were lying down, but he was honestly just using it as an excuse to keep his hands on you. Not that he needed one, he just felt more justified in himself if he had one.

“Out of interest, was you sex drive always this high?”

Levi wondered when questions such as these became commonplace enough between you two that he was no longer flustered by them. Sure, you’d both been fairly open with each other even before bonding, but never to this extent.

“Not even close. So it’s completely your fault.”

You gaped lazily, too relaxed to even pretend properly. “If I wasn’t enjoying this so much I’d push you out the shower,”

“No you wouldn’t.”

You sighed through your nose in defeat. “No. I wouldn’t.”

“What about yours? Have you always been so insatiable?” he asked with a small smirk, hands travelling back up to the nape of your neck to massage slow circles.

“Not like this. So I guess it’s your fault, too.”

Levi didn’t need to be looking at you to know you were talking through a cheeky grin, the one he loved so damn much.

His hands lathered soap in the limp, soggy strands of your hair, washing away the dirt and grime from the sparring practice.

“I still can’t believe you just threw me to the ground like that,” you grumbled tiredly, leaning back into his soothing caresses as he took the showerhead from the wall and hosed down your soapy hair.

“‘Ever heard of the phrase: pot kettle black?’”

Levi dodged your swatting hand as he mocked your words from the other day, placating you with a kiss to your head.

You had half the mind to headbutt him.

“I’m allowed to. I’m not Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. You just so happen to hold that title.” You turned round, taking the showerhead and placing it back on the wall.

You briefly regarded him tenderly, eyes flitting to the various scars and marks about his body. Most of the marks were from you, but those scars…

“I’m fine.”

You didn’t know you needed reassuring until he said it. Until his placating tones wormed their way through your worry and into your heart.

Instead of saying anything, you slowly leaned down to a prominent, jagged scar on the left side of his chest, and pressed a kiss to the smoother, raised skin. Water parted around your lips briefly before you pulled back again, glancing up to his awestruck expression.

“Sorry, I didn’t—”

He cut you off by taking your hands in his own, lifting them to his chin and brushing his lips over the various scars upon your palms.

You looked away bashfully, shivering slightly despite the warmth of the water.

“Don’t apologise,” he murmured against your hands, dropping them only to cup your jaw and capture your lips in a fleeting kiss.

You barely managed to regain your composure before manoeuvring him beneath the water flow. He didn’t realise you intended to do the exact same thing as he had done for you until you turned him to face away from you, and you lathered your hands in soap.

It was at this moment Levi decided you must be some kind of ancient witch. The second your hands touched his marked up back, he swore he melted, his muscles turning molten in your palms.

“Walls ‘Vi, when was the last time you got your back seen to?” you asked, digging your palms into a particularly stiff knot just left of his spine.

Levi hissed, feeling the release in his muscles as you worked in a circular motion. “Can’t remember. Never had the time.” He could only answer with short sentences whilst you switched from your palm to your elbow, managing to dig through the hardened tissue. “I just take hot showers. Does the job.”

“Clearly not, I feel like I’m trying to break through the damned Walls here, fucking hell.”

It was that tone of concern that made him feel a little guilty. Worrying you was never his intention. Ever. But looking after himself properly was never his strongest suit. He would always forget something or other, or just settle for whatever caused the least trouble.

“Shame you’re not the Armoured,”

“Don’t even joke about that.” Levi smirked against the audible battle with your own smile, hearing straining amusement trying to escape your self control. A losing battle, from the sounds of it.

Your fingers thread back through his hair, mussing up the obsidian locks and coating them with the foamy white soap. His accidental groan pulled at your lips, and you all but held the entire weight of his head as it dropped back into your hands.

You slowed your movements, scrunching the longer strands of hair in your soapy fists.

It was excessive, you knew it was, but you couldn’t help yourself. Not when he was so obviously enjoying it. Your arm was reluctant when you reached forward for the showerhead to rinse through his hair, though you kept up the soothing strokes even when the last of the soap had been washed away.

The similarities between him and a cat were uncanny. Especially the way he leant into your gentle scratches to his undercut.

For how long you held him like that, your front pressed against his back, hands in his hair, you wouldn’t have been able to tell. It was only when the water started to naturally cool down did you start to move, and with a sharp turn of the dial, the water shut off.

It was sort of a wake-up call for Levi, who swore he’d almost fallen asleep standing thanks to your hands.

He turned his head, greeting your soft smile with one of his own. He tucked a strand of loose wet hair back from in front of your eyes, brushing his knuckle against the edge of your jaw.

It was moments like these. Quiet, unspoken adoration that made his heart sing. Had his soul dancing with yours. An intertwined waltz between kindred spirits.

Fuck, you were beautiful.

–Why thank you.– Your smirk told him everything he needed to know.

Levi rolled his eyes, contrasting the slight blush dusting his cheeks. Now he understood how he’d heard you earlier. Kind of.

“Shut up.”

“I technically didn’t say anything.”

He threw you a look and you giggled wickedly, finally stepping from the shower block to retrieve your clothes and get on with the rest of your day. Though it seemed your partner had other ideas, made obvious by the way he stepped out after you, only to wrap his arms around your waist.

Levi pressed a kiss to your damp shoulder, unwilling to release you from his embrace quite yet, his hold strengthening as you attempted to pull away and collect your filthy clothes.

“Leave them with me, I need to do a wash anyway.”

“I wonder why,” you sniggered, and he huffed into your neck.

Your arms held his around your waist, savouring the warmth he brought after stepping out of the steamed shower. You don’t know why you did it, but you started to sway in his arms, just a gentle rocking side to side.

And to your surprise, he joined you. You stood there, slowly swaying to a silent melody only you could hear.

“What did you have planned for the afternoon?” Levi asked, finally removing his arms around you and retrieving the two towels he barely managed to remember to bring.

Wrapping one around his waist, he handed you the other. Even this kind of domesticity was thrilling.

“I was thinking about going on a ride honestly, maybe start on that painting.”

If Levi could bottle your smile, he would without a second thought.

“You’re actually going to do that?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“Want some company?”

You turned round with a grin, hooking your arms around his neck after securing your towel. His hands instantly dropped to your waist.

“A romantic ride to bathe in the dappled sunlight of the forest after a steamy shower? You really have read Frederik and Jules haven’t you?”

He gave your side a squeeze, reacting with a small jolt. He really had to remember that he would feel it himself.

“You really love bringing that up don’t you?”

The question was rhetorical, but of course you were going to answer anyway. “How could I not? The tough, stony Captain Levi having a soft spot for romance novels? That’s poetry in and of itself.”

He pulled your face into his chest to shut you up, his arms tightening around your head in an attempt to stifle your mad giggling.

“You’re a fucking menace,” he muttered over his own chuckling amusement. It was weird to be so seen. To feel so open. To not cringe away from the raw vulnerability of knowledge.

Because you knew everything about him, and still chose to love him. Still chose to share a bed with him, to hold him and kiss him. You opened your heart to him, and he gave you his in return. And he knew without a doubt, even without the bond, he would still love you like this.

You started to muffle something into his skin, and though your hot breath was pleasant against him, he pulled back to allow you room to speak. “What did you say?”

“I was asking if you were gonna get hard everytime we spar together.”

You didn’t bother trying to dodge the pile of clothes flying toward your face, allowing them to fall at your feet after having the desired effect he was looking for.

Though nothing dampened your crooked grin. “You’re so easy.”

Levi snatched up the clothes from your feet, glaring at you as he did. “If you keep pinning my fucking wrists, then yeah.”

“Interesting.”

“Weren’t you the one going to paint me towering over you?”

If only he hadn’t sounded so flustered when he said that, it would have been a pretty solid comeback.

“Would you like me to?”

“Tch, do what you want.” He could do nothing to tame the furious heat in his face. So much for not getting flustered anymore. Fuck’s sake.

Folding the pile of clothes under his arm, he made a mental note to gather the rest from your shared room before heading out to wash them. “Give me roughly an hour or so and we’ll head out, sound good to you?” he asked over his shoulder, only pausing when you didn’t respond to find you gazing at him. “What?”

“Nothing, I just…” –I love you.–

Levi rolled his eyes to stop himself from beaming wildly. “Tch…” –I love you too.–

Your smile really was worth all the gold in the world.

499 notes · View notes

koulakoukoula2003 · 3 years ago

Note

Hey hey hey! As I've told you before, I love how you write Erwin you are probably my fav writer for Commander Daddy🛐

So, I have a request, if you have time of course! I was thinking: Reader and Erwin have been friends for a while, him always pushing aside any other sentiments. But then, Levi seems to start liking Reader. This leads to Erwin being jealous, even though they haven't even kissed yet, and he's kinda desperate to be the only one in her mind, so he does the only thing he thinks could keep her by his side (First time).

Thank you so much in advance❣️❣️❣️❣️

Omg I love that request and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG LMAO IT'S 5,7K WORDS FORGIVE ME AHAHAH I used a scene from this fic of mine because that fic is exactly your ask LMAO

Mine (Erwin x Reader)

Pairings: Erwin x Reader, Erwin x You, Erwin x Y/n, Erwin x OC Trigger Warnings: SMUT, SHAMELESS SMUT LMAO uhm, rough smut, first time, virginity loss, oral (female receiving), Size Kink, Daddy Kink, Possessive Behaviour Taglist: @syrma-sensei @antoxsmith @hopeless-daydream3r @macyomoiji

There's no denying that Levi holds a piece of your heart, but certainly Erwin owns your body and he has no idea. Neither do you, honestly.

You and Erwin had been together ever since you could remember yourself. Best friends since school. He was a little older than you - five years - but you two had still managed to play around the streets of your shared neighborhood. You were always by his side. He protected you from the older kids, always guided you.

So here you were now, a Section Commander in the Survey Corps. You never even planned to be in the military, but you followed Erwin everywhere and you had done the unthinkable and joined the Survey Corps - the cruelest Regiment, just for him.

His Section Commander, his right-hand woman. You were there when he told you his crazy plan to recruit soldiers from the Underground, but you trusted him. And he was right, one of those recruits winded up being Humanity's Strongest Soldier - and most importantly, the man your heart belonged to.

It all started when he found you crying over Isabel's and Furlan's deaths. Him and his two friends were put in your squad when they first joined, and whatever Levi thought, you knew it was your fault that they had died. You blamed yourself because back then you were their Captain.

Levi had kissed you that day, because you had been so kind to both him and his friends. You had treated them far better than anyone else. When everybody looked down on them, you'd stand up for them, and you had no reason to.

It had been five years since then. Levi was now a Captain and you were a Section Commander, and Erwin knew that another man had laid claim on what was his. You were all that Erwin could think about. He couldn't come up with a decent plan. Not when he'd see you two in the Mess Hall, sitting side by side, and having dinner together. Always together. Training together, doing paperwork together, sharing a bedroom and an office together. He had lost you, hadn't he?

And you would never admit but everything you ever did you had done it for Erwin. You joined the freaking Survey Corps and became a better soldier than him just because you wanted to protect him. Military was never the life you wanted. You had graduated in the Mitras university just because you were a woman and you wanted to be independent with your own job, your own clinic. You had dreams, but you set everything aside for Erwin. You had done everything for Erwin but you knew this man would never want you the way you wanted him.

Erwin was handsome and perfect in every aspect you could think of, and that was precisely why he'd never want you. He was an experienced man. A high-ranked, handsome Commander. He must've had so many women, far better and prettier than you could ever be. He'd never want you.

And you had made peace with that. You had learned to love Levi and it wasn't hard. It wasn't hard at all. Levi deserved the world and you wanted to give it to him.

“So, according to my assumptions, the titan spinal fluid of normal or abnormal titans has only two proteins. One is the one that heals wounds instantly, and the other is the one that turns people into titans…” You made a new report to your Commander, who didn’t seem to be paying any attention to you. You and Hange were the two heads of the researching division and you had figured out incredible things. You were brilliant, and that was exactly why Erwin wanted you. In every possible sense of that word.

Erwin was still writing down on his paperwork, his attention completely consumed by it. He had been distant lately. For the past couple of months, he wouldn’t even call you in his office. Not even when you had important scientific reports like this to make. You wouldn’t find him in the Mess Hall. You wouldn’t find him in his office when you’d look for him. It was like he didn’t want to see you.

Indeed, he had done everything in his power to avoid being in the same room with you. You and Levi were happy together and he couldn’t ruin that no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted you to be his but, alas, he couldn’t have that. He couldn’t have you. And maybe, if you two ended up in the same room together for more than a little while, he was going to burst and do something he’d regret. But he couldn’t stall it anymore. You showed up unannounced because otherwise, he’d make sure he wouldn’t be there.

Still, you tried to pretend you were oblivious to that all. This was all important information that you couldn’t keep from the very Commander of your Regiment. Whatever it was that he was having in mind that made him act like a jerk, he’d have to tell you sooner or later.

“So, I was thinking that if I figure out a way to separate those two proteins, I could come up with a serum that heals all wounds. It could be the key to minimising the deaths on our Expeditions-”

“Excellent, keep working on that,” Erwin said, not once looking up at you. Just how precious was his attention that you didn’t deserve it? You scoffed and crossed your arms against your chest. He clearly didn’t care about dropping the deaths to a minimal. He clearly didn’t care about anything that you had just told him. He had something else in mind, and what the hell could that be that was of greater importance than all of these?

“Alright, spill it, what is it?” You asked – seemingly pissed. He wouldn’t tell you? You’d make him. You knew how. You knew him better than anyone in here.

And finally, he looked up at you, confused, but deep down he knew this conversation was going to go somewhere that he didn’t want it to. Somewhere that he had been trying to avoid for so long.

“Excuse me?” Erwin asked, acting oblivious so well.

“Oh, don’t give me that shit, Erwin, you know what I’m talking about,” You frowned, and he sighed and looked away from you again. “You’re distant. I try to come and talk to you but you’re never there. And today you’re only here because I had Hange fooling you that I took the day off. What is wrong with you? Why don’t you want me to be here with you?” You almost sounded hurt. Erwin was your friend. Why did he push you away? Why did he always push everyone away? You thought you were always going to be his one and only constant.

“You’re not here with me, you’re here with Levi,” Erwin finally burst, and she realised she had nothing to say to that.

You couldn’t believe you were actually having this conversation. He was jealous of Levi? He was jealous because he loved you? He was jealous? Erwin… Erwin wanted you? No. No way. You were probably imagining this. This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t have wanted you. Erwin the man that you had spent so many nights awake for. Thinking about him, fantasizing about him and this moment.

No. It’s Levi. He’s the one. You kept telling yourself that. And maybe he was the one. He’s there for me. And you were there for him. With Erwin, it was only you, putting the effort, and that was why it wasn’t going to work. But you were baffled because… he wanted you?

“So, you’re jealous… of Levi?”

“Of course, I’m jealous,” Erwin buried his face in his hands and rubbed his aching forehead.

He had known it would come to this. In the end, it was going to be him the one to tell her he loved you, and it was you who wouldn't return the feeling. He might have been a brilliant, handsome Commander, and he could have had every woman he wanted – but he couldn’t have you. He had you, and he had let you go. He was an utter idiot.

“He’s got you, Y/n. He’s got you in ways I can never hope to have you. And I had you. I had you, but now you’re gone, and it was me who let you go, and it frustrates me. It frustrates me so much it keeps me fucking awake – I can’t come up with a decent plan – a decent strategy – I can’t do anything when I know that you’re not beside me. It drives me insane when I know that you’re not mine,”

You stood frozen, eyes wide and heart beating so fast. You couldn’t have heard him correctly. He couldn’t have just told you all this. I can’t do anything when I know that you’re not beside me. It drives me insane when I know that you’re not mine. You never knew. You never even considered the possibilities of him wanting you so much. This perfect man who could have every other woman he wanted – why you? There was nothing special about you, and you made sure to keep reminding yourself of that.

You weren’t… beautiful. You were skinny and ugly and a fucking nerd that preferred books over people. You didn’t have experience with this. And Levi didn’t either, you two had learned everything together. And what were you supposed to do? Were you supposed to give in to your feelings for Erwin that had always been there? Were you supposed to leave Levi? No. No, you would never do that to him. You loved Levi, but Erwin…Erwin had always been this one stupid, huge crush that you had been having your entire life, and it just wouldn’t leave you be.

But it must have been more than just childhood nonsense because it had lasted for so long. You loved him. You had always known, but you couldn’t give into this. You couldn’t surrender to your lust for Erwin while you already belonged to another man. A man who loved you with everything he had – Levi didn’t know what love was till he met you.

What was she supposed to do now? Erwin. The man she had spent so many nights awake for. And as you stood there, shocked, and wide-eyed staring at him and trying to figure out what to do – Erwin wanted to bang his head against some wall. He wanted to ask you to leave. He wanted to stay alone for a while. He wanted to sit down and think of what to do. What to say to fix this. How much he should keep his distance from you now.

But if this was going to be his last ever chance to be with you in the same room – it was do or die. He was either going to kiss you right now, or never. He had to kiss you before you parted those perfect, plush lips and started saying anything. Before you got the chance to tell him you couldn’t love him the same. He had to do it now, the first, and last chance he’d ever get.

Erwin wrapped his arms around you and dragged you close and fast and sudden. He could not control the urge – the need. He needed to taste those pink lips. He needed your body pressed against his own. And he did just that. He did not question his actions. He did not regret them when his lips crashed against your own in wild, pure desire. And you tasted so sweet. And your lips were parted for him, and soft and plush and pink and plump and just perfect. You tasted far better than he could ever hope to imagine. Far better than he had imagined in his dreams – his midnight fantasies.

You kissed him back. You couldn’t help it. You stood on your tiptoes to reach for him – this huge man that had to lean down to catch your mouth in his own. Your first ever kiss and it was all lust. He kissed you so hard, his tongue, exploring your mouth, every crevice, every part of you, gathering your taste and trying to commit it to memory. His arms, so tight around you. His fingers dug in your shirt, your skin, definitely leaving bruises and shivers in their wake, but you didn’t care. You could learn to love pain if it came from him. He was making a mess of your clothes, and you were making a mess of his hair. Your fingers buried into them and tugged him further down to you. Closer. You needed him closer. His tongue met the back of your throat. You gasped in his mouth, and it only made him more feral. He was going to suffocate you with himself, and you were going to love every second of it.

He picked you up. He did it so easily. His arms, tight around you and your feet, dangling, no longer touching the wooden floor. Your arms around his shoulders, in his hair, in his shirt, touching the shifting muscles beneath. Your fingers were cold, but tender on his skin and he shivered and only kissed your harder. You were finally on the same height as his, as he held your up against him. A small body against his own, and large, strong arms around you, caging you in.

You had no idea what was happening. You were still convinced that you were imagining this. But he brought you out of your trance when he slammed your back against the wall. He knocked the breath out of you, and he didn’t care whether you had enough oxygen or not. He kissed your again. His tongue, digging its way back into your sweet mouth, and his arms tightened around you impossibly. You wrapped your legs around his waist. Your legs, not big enough to enclose around him and ankles, unable to meet at the small of his back. But it didn’t matter, he had you – trapped between him and the cold concrete wall behind your back. He let go of your lips and slipped down your chin, your neck, your chest. He kissed and trapped your sweet white skin between his lips. He suckled down gently, and you panted hard. He found a tender spot on your neck and sucked on it. You whimpered and trembled against him.

You were so gorgeous right there – trapped, and whimpering, and trembling beneath his touch, his kisses. Your wet lips parted, and head, thrown back against the wall. Your chest heaving up and down in sync with your heavy breaths. Your bodies, so close, he could feel the heat between your legs meeting his crotch. His pants, so tight around his length, he wanted to take you right here and now. He wanted to hear you scream his name. He wanted to fuck you against that very wall, and then take you to bed, and fuck your again, but slow and intimate this time. And then he’d fuck you again, and again till you were full oozing with his cum. Till your belly was swollen and your hole abused.

Fuck, he needed you. All those years of suppressing his desires – all of this frustration, he could take it all out on you in just one night.

“E- Erwin-” You tried to speak. Levi. Levi, what were you going to tell Levi? This was getting out of hand and guilt had started gathering at the pit of your stomach.

“You’re mine,” Erwin planted a rough bite down on your neck and you gasped. He pulled back, looking at you with predatory eyes. He cupped your face. “I don’t give a damn about Levi, you’re all mine, Y/n,” His hot breath brushed against your lips, and you bit your lip.

He pulled you from the wall and carried you to his attached bedroom. He placed you down on his bed gently and hovered on top of you. His lips met your own. He kissed you slower now, soft and sweet, his arms slipped around you and you were in heaven. Your own arms slipped around his shoulders and buried your fingers in his golden hair as you felt his taste on your tongue and his arms all around you.

He pulled off your Survey Corps brown jacket off of you and you helped him do the same and his fingers reached for the buttons of your shirt. He wanted you naked and exposed and beneath him. You were his and you hadn’t denied him, and that could only mean you wanted to be right there, beneath him on his bed, his arms around you, his lips on your own. He planted kisses down your neck, your chest. He tore your shirt off of you and you let him. You’d let this man do anything to you. You loved him. God, you loved him.

“My sweet girl,” He mumbled against your skin as he planted another mark down on your chest and his hand snuck back to unclip your bra. “All mine,” He couldn’t help it. He had to make it official somehow. He had to let you know that there was no escaping his grasp. He loved you. He was never going to tell you, but he loved you.

And all you could do was agree with breathy yeses and let him do whatever he wanted. He had you naked before you realised. He grabbed your legs around his shoulders, and he buried his face between your legs. You gasped and your back arched against the bed as his slick tongue found your sensitive clit and lapped against it like a man starved. You tasted so fucking sweet. He wrapped his lips around your clit and ate you up. You were so wet already and he had barely started. He prodded to your entrance with his thick fingers and your eyes widened and you tensed up.

“E- Erwin! I- I… I haven’t… done this before,” You said. Heat engulfed your cheeks right away and you bit your lip shyly.

His eyes widened and his heart thrummed hard beneath his chest. Honestly, he had thought that Levi would have claimed you by now. Alas, you had tried to stall it, and you didn’t know why. You were waiting for Erwin even though you had almost convinced yourself this moment would never come. But here he was now, the man you loved, looking at you in adoration and those bright blue eyes, now a little darker. His little girl.

He pressed a kiss on your inner thigh with his wet lips. Such a pretty thing, spread out all naked and exposed just for him. It was almost surprising you hadn’t been with anybody till now. But it was a welcome surprise.

“You’ve been waiting for me, haven’t you?” Erwin pressed kisses down your belly, your breasts, sucking one of them, and then finding your face as you nodded dumbly. “Such a good girl,” He nibbled on your lower lip. “I’ll go easy on you, don’t wanna break my baby quite yet,”

Fuck, this man was driving you insane and he had done nothing to you yet. He slipped back down between your legs, diving right into your weeping core. Your body tensed up when he enclosed his plump lips around your clit that twitched for attention. He caught your hips, pressing a hand down on your belly to keep you in place whilst he suckled on the sensitive bud between his lips. Tongue teasing your opening and he grunted against your pussy. You were perfect at everything, weren’t you? You tasted so sweet, he could devour you for hours.

“Are you always that wet for daddy? Hmm?” He spoke hoarsely but you were gone. He had never felt pleasure like this. His tongue did wonders on your clit and bright blue eyes met your thrown back head and twitching body. He pulled back, slapping your cunt and you cried out. “I asked you a question, little girl,”

“Ah- Yes! Always! Always s’ wet for daddy,” You barely managed to make out.

You threw your head back when he started rubbing insane circles on your sweet cunt. You’re whole body tensed and you let out a cry. You could feel that familiar coil gathering in your stomach as your body spiralled towards sweet release.

“I’m gonna cum! Daddy, I’mma cum, please, let me cum…!” You cried out urgently. You wanted anything but to piss him off.

“Go on, baby girl. Cum on daddy’s fingers,”

Your whole body tensed up, rubbing yourself against his hard as you came hard. All he had done was play around with your sweet little bud and you were gushing on his fingers. Sensitive pretty little baby. He pressed his tongue down on your twitching clit and he drank on your sweet slick like a man starved. You bucked beneath him, and you whimpered.

“No! Daddy, c- can’t cum again… so sensitive!” You whined.

“I know you can do it, y/n,” He groaned against your cunt. Fingers slipped through your folds and you clutched on the bedsheets. Your fingers turning white to how hard you were gripping them. “Gotta prepare that cunt before she’s ready to take me,” He eased his one finger inside you while he lapped on your clit and he searched upwards for your sweet spot. He pulled his finger out and admired your slick wetness on the digit. “Were you thatwet for him? Hmm?”

“No! No… no one makes me as… desperate as you, ‘win,” you bit your lip trying to hold back your pretty sounds.

He slapped your cunny hard enough to sting. You let out a cry and your whole body tensed. “You better be telling me the truth, little girl,”

You let out a sob. Tears gathered in your eyes as you breathed hard and somehow got wetter than you already were. “I am telling you truth, daddy, just please…” You whined as she rubbed herself on the palm of his hand trying to get all the friction you could. You were growing desperate. You couldn’t believe you wanted to cum again. “…please, fuck me, please, please, please, I’ll be good,”

Your hands reached out for him but no matter how pretty you were – all pathetic and whiny and needy for him to touch you and kiss you and hold you in his arms – God he wanted this all so much. He wanted to grab you and tell you he loved you. But he couldn’t. This was all clearly carnal pleasure. His sweet little girl. He stuck a finger back in and began moving in gentle thrusts, looking for that sweet spongy spot inside of you that he was going to use to bring orgasm after orgasm out of you. After today you were going to forget all about Levi. After today, the only name you’d know how to scream would be his.

You let out a sweet whimper and your thighs shook when he finally found that spongy spot inside of you. He smirked. “There she is,” He stuck another finger in. Both his fingers were so big, so thick and large, he was reaching that spot inside of you that you never could, and he was doing it effortlessly. His little girl, wrapped around his fingers. He increased the pace, brushing against that spot again, and again, till he was hitting on it and you all but screamed.

You brought a hand to your mouth to muffle yourself. You were naked and he, still fully clothed. A hand, gripping powerfully on your lithe thighs, keeping your legs parted whilst he fingered you carefully. It felt so good. So, fucking good you were about to cum. You were so close, the coil in your stomach tightening up whilst he pressed his tongue back down on your clit and sucked on it. Lewd wet sounds came from your pretty pussy.

“No,” He changed his mind. He stopped, and you just about started crying. You hiccupped as he pulled his fingers out of you and his hand reached for your own, grabbing it and pushing it away from your mouth. He wanted to hear you. He pinned your wrist on the level of your head as he leaned down to look at you. “Next time you cum will be around my cock,”

“Please, please, daddy, I- I was so close- Ah!”

He slapped your cunt again and you let out another cry. Eyes shut tightly and your body shook. “You’re gonna be a good girl and take daddy’s cock now, hmm?”

You trembled beneath him and you bit your lip, quieting down your whimpers. “Y- Yes, daddy, please fuck me,”

“Since you asked so nicely,” His other hand found your throat, squeezing. He didn’t cut your airflow, but he sure as hell let you know that he could. He could choke you to death right now if he felt like it. “You’re mine, y/n. You’re all mine,”

I love you. And the thought of you being some other man was driving him insane. You was his. His. Mine. He let go of your throat and found your cheek, your parted lips. He stuck a thumb into your sweet mouth, and you sucked on the digit so obediently. He didn’t have to say a word. He smirked.

“Good girl,”

Erwin stood back up on his feet and his hands reached for the black leather belt that held his trousers fastened. He was still dressed. Still wearing his white shirt even though it was wrinkled all over now and messy. You wanted him to take it off. You wanted to touch him. You wanted to trace his chest, his torso, and kiss him all over. But he wasn’t going to allow you, was he? And even now, he pulled his pants just enough to pull his cock out. A shiver ran down your spine just to the look of it. Big and veiny and thick. He was so hard, he couldn’t remember the last time he had been so desperate. A drop of precum already on the tip that he smeared all around his length.

He caught your legs and brought your crotches together. His hard cock hit on your belly, reaching the level of your stomach. You knew what he was doing. He was showing you how deep inside you he was going to be. You were practically salivating.

“Fuck…” You threw your head back and your hand reached for his throbbing member. You took him in your hand. So big and warm, and perfect. There was no way he could fit. He groaned as you wrapped your delicate fingers around him, and he fucked your fist with a few slow thrusts. He hooked your legs on his shoulders and he pressed the tip to your small wet hole. He started to push in and the first sting of the stretch shot through her nerves. “I- It’s not going to fit, daddy…” She tightened her legs around him. “…s’ big… daddy’s cock’s s’ big, can’t take it…”

He leaned down to you wrapping his arms around you and catching your lips in his own. You kissed him back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he kissed you sweet and tender, covering your entire body beneath his own. He pulled back to look at the mess he had made of you. He cupped your pretty face. You were fucking gorgeous.

“This is going to hurt. Tell me and I’ll stop if it gets too much, alright?” Erwin cooed down to you and you nodded.

You buried your face in his neck as he caged you in his arms He pushed further in, stretching you out and you let out a loud painful wail. A sob erupted from your throat when he bottomed out. His fat cock pressed snuggly against your cervix. you had never felt so full in your entire life. It hurt at first, but it was gone before you knew it. He felt so good inside you. He pulled back to look at you, cupping your salty cheeks and wiping the tears you had no idea you had shed.

“My sweet girl,” He mumbled against your ear. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He pulled back, cupping your cheek, and examining your face.

You gave him a sweet smile instead and you shook your head. “No, it’s just…” I love you. But it would be foolish of you to say it right away, wouldn’t it? Even though, you had waited for years for this moment. But maybe, you shouldn’t rush into anything. You knew this man. He wouldn’t say it back right away. “…can you take your shirt off? P- Please…?”

He had tried to resist it. Too much contact was going to prove troublesome because he was a touch-starved man. But maybe for once he could allow himself to feel you. Just for you.

Erwin unbuttoned his shirt and you helped him slip it down his shoulders. He tossed the useless piece of fabric on the bed beside you, and your arms found his chest, his shoulders, his perfectly refined torso. You traced each part of him with your tender fingers. He was a sight to behold. Scars scattered here and there – souvenirs from excessive training and Expeditions to remind him what he’d been through. You had similar scars as well. You both weren’t so different after all.

You reached up and pressed kisses on his chest, the scars that he had there, and then you reached lower, not leaving part of him untouched. A groan erupted from his throat, and he cursed himself because he hadn’t silenced himself fast enough. He had never been so exposed in his life. He couldn’t let you keep kissing him like that. He couldn’t allow it because you were only dragging him deeper into the trap of loving you.

That logical voice inside his mind was begging him. Stop her. Stop her. Do something. But he couldn’t do anything. Your kisses your touches, your fingers in his hair. It all was so, so good. He was in heaven, and he was asking himself to rush out of it. How the hell was he supposed to do that? He had closed his eyes, burying his face in your hair. Your bodies, joined at last. He had dreamed of this moment for so long.

He caught your hair and pulled your head back, forcing your lips to his own. He kissed you harder than he ever had, but it wasn’t all about lust this time. No. This time he had to convey everything he felt for you in just one kiss – because he was never going to kiss you like that again. He wasn’t going to allow himself to ever pour so much emotion into one kiss again, and he sure as hell was never going to allow himself to put it into words. I love you.

And it felt like it. The way he kissed you and locked your tongues in the sweetest dance. He left you dizzy when he pulled back. The way he looked at you after that kiss. His eyes on your own. The gentlest look you had ever seen in those eyes. Your beloved man. He loved you. You could feel it in the way his heart was beating atop your own. He was never going to put it into words, was he?

But this had to be enough.

He wrapped an arm around you, bringing you closer to him as you wrapped your legs around his waist, and you nodded at him – his sign to resume your lovemaking. And it was wrong. He wasn’t fucking you like he had planned to. It was supposed to be a quick, mind-blowing fuck that was going to leave you passed out and bruised for the rest of the day. But he wasn’t doing that. He was making love to you, and it was wrong, because he was making you fall for him.

But he couldn’t help it. Your soft gasps and moans and whines with each slow thrust were the sweetest sounds. Your sweet cunt was fluttering around him with every thrust, and soft movement of his tip against your sweet spot. It was a miracle you hadn’t cum on the spot.

“Please, harder, daddy…” You mewled. “…please, please…”

He needed no further prompting. He sat back on his knees and caught your legs, supporting them around him, and he started driving hard into you. His cock made a bulge in your belly with every single thrust. It drove him insane. He wanted to cum right into you. He wanted to fill your up with his warm seed till it was oozing out of your abused, swollen cunt. He wanted to ruin you for everyone else but himself. And you screamed, and it was exactly what he wanted. He wanted the entire Scouts to hear you screaming his name.

His sweet little girl that he manhandled with such ease.

He was ruining her. Slamming into you with such force, fucking you in the mattress as if you were nothing but a cocksleeve. You loved each second of it. You couldn’t make a coherent thought. His hand found your mouth, forcing three fingers in that you sucked on obediently and weakly.

“Be a good girl and cum all over daddy’s cock, hmm?”

And you did just that. Such a good girl coming on command. He didn’t even have to train you. You were his obedient little girl already. Your warm wetness spilled all over his cock and your entire body arched. You let out a scream that he muffled with the palm of his hand. And even when you reached your high, he didn’t let you crumble down from it. He was still slamming into you. His pace never faltering but you couldn’t take another orgasm. You needed a break. You needed to catch your breath. Your nerves were on fire.

“D- Daddy, please, I- I can’t cum again… please, ‘s too much, too much…”

“There’s no such thing as too much for my little girl,” His hand let go of your face and reached down to where your bodies were joined. His thumb found your clit, grazing it in fast circles matching his animalistic pace. Your body tensed.

“Ah! Fuck, daddy, please!”

“You’re gonna be a good girl and cum again,”

You were still mumbling pleas, but he wasn’t having it. He was bruising your spot with every single rough thrust. You had no idea how you would be able to walk for the rest of the day. And maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’d pass out after this, but you loved it. He was using you as his personal little cockslut. He didn’t give a single fuck whether you could handle it or not – and somehow this very thought pushed your over the edge again.

You came hard with another scream. Your sweet cunt clamping down on his pumping cock as he abused your spot through your high and he pulled out of you with a grunt. He pumped himself till he came all over your belly. Thick, hot ropes of cum painted all over your heaving stomach. It felt so good. His cum on your white skin, his mark on you. You were his now. All his.

He cleaned you up with a clean rag that he had kept nearby, and he zipped his pants back on. Erwin wrapped his belt around his waist again and put on his white shirt. He leaned down to you and cupped your face. You had passed out. He felt a sense of pride and at the same time, worry. But you were breathing. You were alright.

He chuckled as he gathered your limp, weak body in his arms and settled you properly on the bed, covering you beneath the blankets. He had gotten too hard on his fragile little girl, but it was alright.

Daddy was going to take good care of you now.

449 notes · View notes

alleycat-arcade · 3 years ago

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Game Start! The Seven Lords: Those Who Remain

@pastelhologram asked: Wait. What about The demon bros reaction to Mc being the Person lilith fell in love with. Like maybe an au where he's not Related to lilith but instead he's the person she fell for. Even better if They're first impression of Mc is that he didn't deserve Lilith, but as time goes on, They start seeing what lilith saw.

There we are, got that up and running for ya'. Gotta say though, I'm surprised you managed to find such an old cabinet. Feels like its been here since the 9th century or something, haha.

(Ayyy hey we go! I really should just keep splitting these into parts by default since I nearly always get carried away lol. Part 1 for today, and part 2 soon! Hope you enjoy!)

Everburning Candle(Part 1) (Obey Me! Older Brothers x Male/Masc! Mc/Reader)

Content Warnings: Mc/Reader uses he/him pronouns. Spoilers for Pretty much all of season one (Chapters 1-20), since pacts, reasoning behind certain pacts, and Lilith are discussed. I hope you don't mind me adding a few of my personal headcanons! Mostly Hurt/Comfort overall. Very light angst for today. Levi's part has some blood, mostly just a broken nose.

(You ready for a long one? 'Cause its gonna be a long one lmao. If I notice any mistakes after posting, or if you inform me of any, I will correct them as soon as I can. Shoutout to the Luci and Levi simps in the discord for helping me write their respective parts. There is a 60% chance I may rewrite Mammon's part again ajdieff)

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

"The Human World was full of many tales, some more truthful than others. The tale of the Ancient Wanderer was not one well known to many, as the story had become more and more fragmented over the years. There was a time that many people who had met the Wanderer had come together to write a complete novelization of their individual encounters. Sadly, the evening that would make its 10th anniversary of existence was the same night it was stolen, and the library it was stored within burned. Only inaccurate copies remained, as many of the gathered writers from all over the world had passed peacefully not to long after the book's creation. The only detail that remained from the original story was the scent that followed the Wanderer, what would be known in the modern era as honeysuckle and lavender. With the book gone, that left the Wanderer as the only bearer of the true story. No one knows where this mysterious being is now, or if he even existed in the first place. Many historians believe it to be a simple shared delusion, or perhaps another fanatical story similar to more common mythos. Some had gone as far as to compare them to the biblical figure of Cain."

Your gloved hands closed the thick history textbook as you finished, setting it aside on the mahogany table in front of you. "So, do you think you can remember all that for the next exam?" This prompted a sigh of disdain from the individual beside you. "Mc this stuff is way to hard! Why can't you just let me copy off of you? Everyone knows you're the top of the class!" A chuckle bubbled up from your throat, and you reached over to rustle your classmate's hair. "That's exactly why you can't copy me. Now, you keep practicing, okay? I've been tutoring all day and I really just want to go home and take a good long rest." Their pleading eyes softened, before finally sighing and letting you head home.

Perhaps if the library corner the two of you had studied in did not carry the heavy smell of dried mango and energy drinks, your classmate may have noticed the scent of lavender and honeysuckle waft through the room as you left.

Once you reached your apartment, you quickly closed and locked the door before slumping against it. After throwing off your gloves, you reached a little ways down your shirt, just enough to pull of the necklace that was hidden underneath. The preserved feather was lighter than air and almost looked as if it were floating in your palm. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you ran your fingertips along its vane. You did not wipe them away however, allowing them to fall as the memory of a flower field filled your mind. You had lost track of how many years it had been since the day you had first laid out in the small forest clearing, but your mind could never forget one clear detail.

Lilith.

You had never been one to believe in love at first sight, but when the strange woman had kneeled beside your sleeping form you had instantly become enthralled in her. She had this sort of overwhelming glow about her, as if she were one of the very Goddesses many families in your town served and worshiped. Yet, though her appearance may had drawn you in, it had been the rest of her that bound your heartstrings to her fingertips.

The two of you spent many days hidden away in your secret flower patch, giggling about how each other had managed to slip away from their respective families for the day. Your meeting were not long at first, sometimes lasting minutes at a time before the woman you'd come to know as Lilith would return to her family. But minutes turned to hours, and in some cases hours would turn to days. Your heartstrings would flutter each time she drew closer and closer to you, and your heart nearly gave out when she'd first ran her fingertips through her hair.

You remembered the day she'd asked you to keep two secrets. You had simple hummed and nodded, head resting on her lap as she gently stroked it. "Swear to me you won't tell as soul." Your eyelids fluttered open at the seriousness in her tone. Her nervous expression stared back at you, awaiting a response. "I swear on my life, Lilith." You spoke, lacing your hands into hers and giving them a reassuring squeeze. She took a deep breath, before speaking once more. "I'm an Angel, Mc. A being from the Celestial Realm." Confusion crossed your face, which Lilith took as a queue to set you head down in the grass and stand up.

An enchanting glow covered her form as you sat up, blinding you momentarily. As your eyes adjusted, you found her standing before you once more. Her eyes peeked over at you behind her elegant white wings, a nervous wobble taking over the halo above her head. Wordlessly you stood up, approaching her slowing and gently parting her wings enough to envelop her in a loving embrace. "You're beautiful, Lilith. Thank you for telling me your secret." You whispered. "So, does that mean you're ready for the second secret?" You responded to her question with an affirmative hum. Another deep breath grazed your ear as she leaned in. "I'm in love with you, Mc." A smile covered you face as you pulled away and pressed your forehead against hers. "I love you too, Lilith. I love you no matter what. Whether you're a demon, human, or angel doesn't change that fact what so ever."

The sweet memory began to subside, replaced by ones bittersweet and or painful. Falling ill with Lilith at your bedside brought pain to your chest, but it only worsened as the memory of her bringing to you a stolen fruit from the heavens that cured your deathly aliment. She had disappeared that day, leaving you alone once more. A century later you had found her again, choosing to ignore the curse that had come along with the fruit as you showered her with as much love and care as you could manage or afford. The two of you travelled the world until her body could no longer keep up with yours. Though you and Lilith had bore a singular child together, not once did your reincarnated lover accept your marriage proposal.

A stinging pain shot through your heart as your last memory with Lilith coated your mind. She laid on her death bed, a less common demise for a human at the time overtaking her body. Age had caught up to her despite your best efforts, and you couldn't hold back your sobs as you pleaded with her. Your children and grandchildren watched with eyes full of pity as you desperately begged for her to allow you to be wed to her before she perished, but they knew Lilith as good as you did and knew she'd still refuse. Her wrinkled hands held your tear stained face one last time, placing a kiss to your forehead before whispering something to you. "One day, you'll find another who can give as much love to you as you have to me. Our time together may end now, but I promise you a part of me shall always remain with you and the rest of the world." Your denial of her demise had lead you to travel the world in search of her, hoping she would once more return to you as she'd done before. A journey that led you to become know as the Ancient Wanderer.

As days turned to months, months turned to years, and years to centuries, you remained the same as you had been when you'd first consumed the sacred fruit. Your body had gained some alterations, mostly in the form of battle scars, but otherwise you were the same as before. Same age, same height, same face, and same heart. One would've expected you to have become bitter at the world, and for a time you were, but you relaxed into a routine that somewhat soothed your aching heart. For as long as you could manage the lie, you'd act out the made up story of your choosing. Most often you found yourself in the role of a mysterious student who was far more intelligent than the average college freshman and had no visible family figures. Once people started to become suspicious, you'd move onto the next role.

The current person you had pretended to be was quite similar to your usual performance. It had been a good handful of years since you'd first enrolled in the small town community college, and as far as you knew no one had begun to suspect a thing. Perhaps you could achieve a PhD in this false life, you wondered to yourself as you stood up from the door. Yet the thought was short lived, as your body began to plummet through the floor the second you had moved to remove your coat.

You laid splayed out in front of a group of strangers now, groaning out a series of complaints as you struggled to rise from the ground. The false name you'd been using currently fell from a rather cheery looking stranger's lips, the hairs on the back of your neck raising as the male stood beside him eyed you suspiciously after your delayed response.

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Lucifer:

It was no secret that the Eldest of the Demon Brothers had been suspicious of you from the beginning. The first time you had failed to react at the normal speed one would respond to their name, he had written it off as a result of the rough landing. Yet, as the action became more and more frequent, his suspicions grew. It was as if you were waiting for a different name to be called, one not mentioned anywhere on your documents.

You had engaged in many other strange behaviors that had caused him to become on edge around you, but the realization of who you actually were had never truly set in until a day after you had formed a pact with Leviathan. Lucifer's eyebrows had furrowed the day you had pulled him away, confused by your sudden directness with him since you usually avoided him like the plague.

One would assume that the Avatar of Pride would be good at keeping secrets, but he had become enraged as the name of his deceased sister slipped out of your mouth. His demon form glowered over you as you confessed your true identity, and if looks could kill you would've been seeing Lilith again. It was hard for his brothers to ignore the way Lucifer was acting, especially against Diavolo's Exchange Student.

Neither of you made a noise as he processed the information, the aggressive look not leaving his face as he trapped you with his wings. Before him stood the human that his little sister had fallen in love with. While he was almost impressed you'd managed to survive for so long, something about you seemed... wrong to him.

In his eyes, you were nothing short of lackluster. A meek, pitiful human that Lucifer could not comprehend how his sister had fallen in love with. Perhaps a version of himself with a fraction more humility may have, but the Avatar of Pride could not. Were you truly the person Lilith had sacrificed everything for? How could you possibly be the one he'd sworn allegiance to the Demon Prince to send his sister back to? You fully expected him to attack you, but he simply set back, a look of disgust painting his features.

After the encounter, somehow word had spread to the rest of his brothers about your past. Lucifer would attempt to stop his brothers from distancing themselves from you, but he knew they'd only grow to resent you more than they already did if he forced them to hang around you. At most he managed to ensure that Mammon still protected you from any harm, but it was obvious that the rest the Exchange Program was going to be rough.

But one night, something changed. It was as normal a night as any, with him and his brothers eating in the dining room as you sat alone somewhere in HoL. He had tried on multiple occasions to get you to eat with the rest of them, but you could see the forced politeness in his eyes whenever he invited you to sit beside him.

You would've just eaten in your room again that night, but Beel had already gotten to your portion of the meal. None of the others would share with you, so you chose to simply roam the dark halls. Lucifer sighed in exasperation after finding out secondhand that you hadn't yet eaten. Once the meal was finished, he put together a decent sized portion of the food remaining in the fridge onto a plate and looked for you.

A breeze fluttered the ends of his coat as he pushed the glass door open, closing it behind him as he approached your position on the balcony. He had spoke your name, your real name, but you did not react at all. Your eyes looked dormant as you clutched something small against your chest. "Mc, did you not hear me? I told you I brought you food. I'm aware you haven't eaten since this morning."

Lucifer waited for a response for a while, but not a single noise came from you. After setting the meal beside you he turned to leave, until your voice spoke from behind him, barely above a whisper. "She had the prettiest eyes, y'know?" The Avatar of Pride turned back to face you, perplexed. Your grip on the object in your hand had loosened, revealing something pure white and soft. As a Fallen Angel, it was something fairly easy to recognize. An Angel's feather, specifically one plucked from the area closest to the previous owner's heart. If he'd not know any better, Lucifer would've thought that you had received the Courting Item from Simeon.

"Lilith?" Despite knowing the answer, he still spoke the question. Unless you had another angelic lover, there was only one person you could've been speaking about. You simply nodded, beginning to trace the ridges of the feather.

His mind told him to leave the conversation at that. To return to his study and finish the mound of paperwork he'd still had to complete by next week. And yet, his body disobeyed.

He was just as surprised as you were when he rested his forearms against the balcony beside you, the only space separating you and him being the plate of food. The demon ignored your surprised eyes and sudden nervous fidgeting, choosing instead to breath out a sigh and look out into the backyard's garden. "Can you tell me more about her? As a human I mean. If you've managed to remember those details that is." Your gaze softened despite his somewhat surly tone, and you turned to look at the garden as well. "Of course I remember. I'd be a damn awful boyfriend if I didn't."

With the dry chuckle now released from your lips, you began to recount anything and everything about Lilith. Even what felt like the smallest of details were not left out, and you'd only occasionally return to the Ancient tome you always carried around to recite certain details. You'd even said something about his sister that he didn't even know, from long before she had died. Though the Eldest gave no visible reaction as you spoke, your recollections were actually stirring up quite a storm of emotions inside of him. It was as if the stages of grief were swirling around in his stomach all at once.

At some point you had begun to lose track of the conversation, simply beginning to recount the rest of your life up until this point. The Avatar of Pride couldn't bring himself to stop you from getting off track, as your tales of the Human World over the years were rather enticing. His heart thrummed with intrigue as you recounted stories of warfare, and oddly felt light as you described what were know as the Seven Wonders of The World. You only fully realized that you had gone off track once you finished telling him about the Qing Dynasty, as sheepish smile crossing your face.

It had been at this point that the storm began to subside, only to be replaced with a sinking feeling. Guilt was not an unfamiliar emotion, he felt it quite often in circumstances that involved his family. Rather, he hardly outwardly expressed these feelings, favoring to lock them deep into the recesses of his heart. A sudden twinge filled his chest as he recalled the treatment you had been receiving from him and his brothers, drawing him away from the balcony. He tried to ignore the surprise on your face at his curt apology, before returning to his room.

Lucifer had never apologized to you before, or at least since you'd told him about your past. But now he had politely excused himself with one. You weren't even sure as to what he had fully said to you, your brain more focused on the fact that the word "sorry" had even left his mouth. A demon you'd come to recognize as a man smothered with pride had never acted this way towards you, most times he'd simply leave your presence without a word unless you were in front of Diavolo. And even then it sounded forced, unlike the natural apology that he had uttered upon leaving.

Around dinnertime the next week marked the moment you fully recognized the change in the Eldest's behavior. He'd called you away to his office to speak about something, telling his brothers to eat without the two of you. The scent of freshly grilled salmon hit your nose as you followed behind him, and he beckoned you to take a seat beside him. The meal laid out before you was much more plentiful from your usual meal, and you could almost imagine how difficult it must've been to get this in here while also keeping it so warm and fresh. "Go on, dig in. The fish is not going to bite back, you know?" Confusion muddled your mind at his rather playful tone, carefully cutting off a piece before taking a bite. It was...

Delicious. As if you were indulging in a Five star meal at a fancy restaurant in the Human World. Your apprehension died down with each bite, and you swore if you had a tail it would've been wagging at the speed of sound. "You like it, I see. Good, I had Hell's Kitchen deliver it so we could dine together. Its a type of salmon called "The Demon King's Salmon". We're in the middle of their mating season right now, so that means they're more wild than usual as well as more rich in flavor." You had been nodding along absentmindly at first, but slowly you realized just how much this must have cost and nearly choked. Coughing into a napkin, you tried your best not to waste the pieces of salmon stuck in your throat. But it seemed you just needed a comforting pat on the back to swallow properly, one that nearly sent you into a state of shock.

Worried crimson eyes examined you as Lucifer gave firm pats to your back, only stopping once the choked noises stopped. "You frightened me there, Mc. Do be more careful when you're eating." His words of comfort hit your eyes, nearly rattling you at your core. "J-jeez Lucifer. You're uh, acting a little different today. You doing alright?" He couldn't meet your eyes after you spoke those words, choosing to instead eat some of his own food. "I'm fine, Mc. I simply recognized that haven't been the best host is all."

Though it wasn't something the two of you did every night, you had formed a routine where you'd have dinner in his office and chat. It became something to look forward to for you. His brothers had noticed fairly quickly, but the Eldest would waved off their questioning. Lucifer had even begun walking to, around, and from RAD on the days Mammon didn't feel like it.

When one of them had interrogated you suddenly, you couldn't say you didn't expect it. They searched for a pact mark on your body, and questioned you about magic and curses. It took a while for it to settle into their minds that Lucifer was hanging around you of his own choice.

The Avatar of Pride had let you become close to him, and that was nothing less of an inhuman feat. Becoming a casual acquaintance of his was something hardly any demons could manage, but here you were. A human sitting together with him in the late hours of the day, dining with a fresh bottle of Demonus.

Nevertheless, you remained in your current space in his heart for a while. It was not until you had finally managed to bond with his siblings that he slowly let you through the many barriers that encased it. After the Attic incident, he spent a lot of days deep in thought. Lucifer hadn't realized the effect you seemed to have on him to its fullest extent until now, and seeing you dying in his brother's arms brought a pain to his being that he hadn't felt since the Fall and Lilith's passing.

You found yourself in his company more often than not. If you weren't hanging around his brothers and trying to repair their trust in Belphie, he was at least in the same room at all times. Upon his request, you had even slept in his room a few times. Should you have not been comfortable with the idea of sharing a bed with him, he bought a futon for this explicit purpose. One that is comfy as well as enchanted, for easy storage. He'll be quite persistent on having you take the bed, but with enough pressing he'll give in. The scent of honeysuckle and lavender began to cling to every surface in his room, creating a rather soothing smell.

Even as you grew even closer, Lucifer cherished the nights you spent alone together discussing whatever you felt like. Most of the time you would lead the conversations in the stories department, seeing as you had a surplus of adventures over the years in the Human World, but he chimes in with a few of his own every now and then.

On night in particular, a memory had come to mind a little while after you had left to fetch something from the kitchen. You had just wrapped up a rather interesting story about having met a famous pianist in the past, and the memory had surfaced after you excused yourself.

"Lucifer, you simply must meet him! His tales are so enchanting and his voice! Oh his voice, big brother! It puts any lyre in Heaven to shame." Lilith swooned, her hand excitedly tugging on the Seraphim's sleeve. The Eldest brother simply smiled down at her, ruffling her hair before ushering her off. "I'm sure he's lovely, Lilith. Now, head back with Beel and Belphie soon. It's getting late, and I'd appreciate if you can make sure they both eat and sleep tonight. You know how they are some days. I'll return once Michael and I are finished here."

Lucifer recalled how he had once originally thought of the man he'd known as Lilith's crush, and later lover. Though he only knew most of the details about Mc from before secondhand, it was obvious that his sister was head-over-heels for the human. Even as an Angel, he'd pictured you quite different based off of her descriptions. While the details she had told him were most certainly true, albeit a little over the top at times, Lucifer had once viewed you as what he believed to be the perfect man for his baby sister. Perhaps it was why he felt so disappointed upon realizing your true form, realizing that you were not some idealized version of yourself he'd made up in his head all those years ago.

His thoughts slowly deteriorated into something far closer to what he'd once teased Lilith about. Simple praises fading into mentally praising nearly everything about you. Hearing footsteps approach his door snapped him out of his small daze, now fully aware of the irony of the situation. Lucifer bit back the laugh that threatened to spill from his lips, leaning back in his chair as the door creaked open.

Mammon:(I have rewritten this so many times im djefifhs)

At first, you had been quite a nuisance to the Avatar of Greed. A living being he had become tethered to, initially metaphorically but later physically. To say the least, Mammon was not exactly thrilled to be acting as your guardian. It had taken a while for him to really even notice anything off about you, as most of his thoughts towards you had been complaints.

He may have picked up on a few after forming a pact with you and helping you with a few things, but nothing that he could fully set in stone as weird or out of the ordinary. His usual crowd tended to be witches, sorcerers, demons, and the occasional human creditors, so it was hard to completely pinpoint what would be seen as abnormal human behaviors.

Before your conversation with Lucifer, Mammon had found himself feeling rather strangely about you. Despite being pretty close to a self-proclaimed Casanova, he struggled to grapple with the way he felt around you. The tightness in his chest seeing you sit closer to Beel than him, the pattering of his heart as you gave him the gentlest of friendly touches, the redness in his face at even the smallest word of praise. Seeing as he couldn't comprehend the feeling, he chose to reject it. All the while failing to notice that he still seeked it out.

Maybe if the nature of your past had been revealed to him later on, when he wasn't in such a state of emotional turmoil, he may have taken it better. Or it may have stung far worse. But what was done was done, for better or for worse.

It would be a lie to say he wasn't slightly hurt that you had not been the one to reveal it to him. Mammon would've preferred hearing it directly from you, not from another one of his brothers who happened to be close enough to overhear. Upon hearing the news, he's torn between making a beeline for you room and demanding answers or avoiding you entirely. As your Guardian slacked off from his job more and more, it became clear he chose the latter.

Any sort of progress you had made into some sort of bond with the Second Eldest brother was further back than you had started with in the first place. He once more became standoffish and brash, his holier than thou persona of the Great Mammon cranked farther past eleven. Through his external mask, you could see the fragments of hurt underneath, but that hurt faded into something more malicious.

Unless he absolutely needed to be there, he was often nowhere to be seen. A part of you missed seeing him barge into your room like an excited puppy. Still, you weren't completely lonely. It was relaxing to be in the company of the members of the Purgatory Hall. Solomon and you had actually bonded quite a bit over your similar life experiences, often spending your lunch breaks and the occasional weekend chatting and exchanging stories.

On one such occasion, Mammon happened to overhear the two of you in the common room. He hadn't meant to stick around, rather he was simply looking for where Lucifer had hid Goldie that morning. Yet, something stopped him from leaving. As he stood in the doorframe, he found himself listening intently to what you and Solomon had been discussing. Although it may have been a little invasive, perhaps it was for the best that the Avatar of Greed had chosen to be nosy.

"Ah, the tea has gone cold." Solomon chuckled, setting the cup back onto the saucer. "Have we really been talking for that long?" "So it seems. Well, it gives me an opportunity to showoff some more spells for you." You raised your eyebrows as the Sorcerer rolled up his sleeves. He uttered a few words that you recognized as Latin, loosely translating to something along the lines of "return aquatic warmth". The phrase brought a smile to your lips, catching his attention after the spell had ran its course. "Is my spellcasting that impressive, Mc?" His voice held an obvious teasing tone to it, earning a laugh from you before you gently waved him off. "It certainly is Solomon, but that's not what I was thinking of." Though he pouted at your words, he urged you to continue. "I was just thinking of how long it has been since I've heard someone speak Latin, let alone as fluently has you just did. Hell, I haven't spoken it myself in years after that brief span of time I worked as a Latin Professor in England."

"A lot of your stories revolve around that geographical location, Mc. If it's not to prying, may I ask as to why? Personally I prefer much more fair weather areas." Solomon questioned in between sips of tea. For a moment you paused, perplexed by the question. While you had visited a variety of different places all over the world, you failed to notice that most of the time you found yourself in the general area of the set of isles. "Well, the only reason that comes to mind is that I met Lilith there." You spoke after some time, unaware of the way a nearby demon perked up at the name.

The Avatar of Greed watched with bated breath, listening as you detailed how you had first met his sister. His eyes couldn't help but follow your hands as you put emphasis on certain statements, unknowingly leaning in while you continued. The way that praises fell from your lips so easily made it clear to both members of your audience that you truly loved the Angel, to such an extent that it actually reminded Mammon of her. He'd always teased Lilith in the past for how much she'd ramble on and on about just what she loved about a human male that she had met one day after sneaking away from the Celestial Realm. Despite all his teasings, he had never challenged her love and admiration for the boy she'd fallen for. Most of the time he had outright encouraged it, failing to notice just how deeply Lilith's devotion to her lover was. But hearing just how equally devoted you were to her brought forth a rather painful realization.

After the Fall, Mammon had grown to resent you. Or at least who he imagined the man that his sister started a war to save, one that she would later die in. When she'd first fallen for Mc, he'd imagine that the human would be a simple crush that she'd soon get over. Even if she had delved into a deep relationship with you, Mammon still did not believe that she would go as far as to go against their Father's wishes and mess with a human's lifespan. With grief fogging his mind, a cruel caricature formed of the man that he felt was directly responsible for the death of his little sister. His brain had latched onto this version of Mc as a form of stress relief, something to direct his frustrations towards in between caring for his brothers. Honestly, it was easier of an idea for him to deal with at the time, as most of his emotional effort went into assisting his brothers in coping with the Fall and caring for the demon birthed from the remains of smoldering wings. The idea of you being an actually decent person was often ignored, pressed to the back of his mind.

Yet, you were nothing like he had imagined. Kind, caring, devoted, and many more words described you far better than what Mammon had portrayed you as. Once the secret of your past had been revealed, he'd once more thought you to be the selfish being he had once believed you to be. But still, you remained the same person he had originally formed a pact with. In that moment a deep feeling of regret settled inside of him, for not only his actions but the way he had always thought of you.

"Mammon? What are you doing here?" You voice shattered his train of thought. Looking into your worried eyes, he suddenly realized just how close he was to you and Solomon. While he had been deep in thought, somewhere along the line he had begun drawing closer and closer to the couch that the two of you sat on. In his current position he had been nearly breathing down your neck, and though his sudden closeness did startle you, the troubled look in his eyes kept you from acting out of fear. Instead of responding, the demon instead began to stutter with a flushed face before scurrying off. "He's been there for a good 30 minutes now, you know. He was just standing in the doorway before."

The day after that night, you were suddenly overcome with the feeling of being followed. The sensation only faded when your Guardian demon was beside you, an event that had become more and more frequent. Though not an immediate process, you found Mammon at your side more and more often. This was not limited to the times that you were outside of the safety of HOL either. Even inside the house you found him seeking you out, giving a half baked excuse with a red face when you asked about the reasoning behind his sudden clinginess. You were aware that he had overheard you speaking about Lilith the other night, but it was surprising to see the sort of affect that it had on him.

Mammon wasn't incredibly quick to ease back into the way you would be around each other before, but it wasn't awfully long until he was once more glued to your hip. Actually, he was a lot more glued to your hip than before, putting in the effort to keep true to what he had promised you. A part of you wished his other brothers could have been there when Leviathan and Lucifer nearly had a heart attack seeing Mammon become so alert and protective of you.

While you hadn't received a proper apology from the demon, he was definitely acting far sweeter than before. It seemed that Mammon was more of the "actions speak louder than words" type. If you had seen something you wanted, it wasn't long before in ended up somewhere in your bedroom. Needed someone to come with you to something? Mammon is at your side in an instant. A lot of his "tsundere" personality is somewhat toned down a good bit, still sorta there but not as strong as it had been after you'd first made a pact.

Something he'd also become fond of was taking you with him on late night drives. While his brothers may have complained about the loud noises so late in the day, especially Asmo and Luci, they eventually gave up on reprimanding the two of you. Most of the time Mammon would just drive until either you fell asleep or he grew tired, but occasionally he would take you out to quiet spots where you could see the stars. On those nights, Mammon would wait for you to fall asleep before scooting close and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Though you may not have been awake to hear it, it brought him some form of solace to whisper words of adoration and a promise of protection into your ear as you slept.

Alas, he had failed you once again as a result of his brothers' scheme to bring you and Lucifer closer. The pure agony in the sobs that shook his form were potent, enough to make Belphegor at least pause his chaotic laughter at your dying body in Mammon's arms. Mammon had not cried as hard as he did that night since the Fall, and the sound of his pained wails brought back heart-wrenching memories of his smoldering wings and bloodied face. He was only somewhat soothed as you managed to come back to life, pitiful wails dying down into loud sobs while he buried his face into your chest. The sound of your beating heart and flowery smell soothed him to sleep that night, the only thing allowing him a peaceful sleep.

Mammon quickly went from glued to your side to attached at the hip. If you were going somewhere he insisted on accompanying you or at least making you take one of his brothers with you. He settled down a good month after the Attic incident, trusting you to call upon him should you need him. You even have a custom ringtone on his D.D.D. that's louder than any of his other contacts. One time you had called to ask him about something and stubbed your toe in the middle of conversation. The noise of pain alerted him and he threw the phone aside and began dashing to your location. The second he saw you, he hurried over and began checking for any injuries.

One night, Mammon fully recognized just how devoted he had suddenly became to you. Fond memories of how Lilith used to speak about you came to mind as the two of you sat together, watching a movie in his room. He could no longer focus on it, despite the amount of explosions and special effects, instead lost in thought while running his hands through your hair. A soft smile crossed his face as he looked at you, the glow of the TV seeming highlighting you in a way that made you look ethereal. He wanted nothing more in that moment to snuggle into your exposed neck, but you had caught onto his staring too soon. He'd simply have to wait until he either had another lucky moment or he gained the courage to actually confess the feelings he held towards you.

Leviathan:

Leviathan wasn't exactly suspicious of you before or after the formation of your pact. You were just some random normie to him at first, but a random normie he could use to get his money back from Mammon. He had begun to view you as a sort of friend after sealing the deal with you, someone to spend time with him despite his tendency to get carried away while talking. While he didn't spend as much time with you as his brothers did, which was mostly his own fault, Levi still enjoyed your company.

It would be a lie to say that he didn't feel some excitement whenever you would accept his offers of bingeing anime or a video game marathon, to the point that he'd began thinking about buying a few things to keep in his room to make you feel more at home. A decent handful of Human World or Human-safe Devildom snacks were in his Akuzon cart, alongside a few custom gaming things. Levi had held off on actually purchasing these products though, as he didn't want to come off too strong and weird you out. The two of you had just recently became friends, so you hadn't fully set boundaries with each other yet.

It's fairly likely that he's the last of the brothers to actually find out about your past. He probably wasn't in the same room when you had pulled Lucifer away for a chat, nor was he aware of the word spreading around the house about you. Watching his brothers suddenly distance themselves from you confused him, especially when Mammon refused to be in the same room as you. He had continued interacting with you as normal, deciding to just ask you or one of his brothers about it later.

You happened to get to him first about it, on a day that he had made plans for both of you to watch a recent anime that he'd been keeping an eye on for months. In the days leading up to the release, he'd been excitedly telling you all the details that he knew from the manga it was based off of as well as some of the leaked promotional art, with you giving your own personal input. Underneath the dim lights of his room, you and Levi sat through some commercials as you waited for the show to start. It was then he had brought up the question, and although you were nervous to tell him, you felt it best not to keep him in the dark. Plus, it felt better to tell him yourself rather than one of the others telling him.

Though you tried to go about the topic of your past in the gentlest way possible, finding out who you actually were still upset him greatly. When he shifted into his demon form you were worried he might've attacked you again, but he simply began to sulk on the floor and tell you to leave. Reaching out to him to offer some comfort only upset him more, and once he started hissing you took it as your queue to leave.

He wasn't exactly sure what he was more mad about, the fact that you were Mc, the same one his sister loved, or that you had been lying to him about your true self. Truthfully, he felt betrayed by the whole situation. He may not be the best with friendships, but he felt hurt that you didn't confide in him first. Both before and after the Fall he had not had much of an opinion on the boy that Lilith had fallen in love with, but the Envy that coursed through his veins suddenly brought forth a resentment he had never held before.

No matter what form Leviathan had taken over the years, whether it be an Angel or Demon, he'd always found himself in a high ranking military position. Once the intial years of morning had passed, Levi had accepted the role of the General of Hell's Navy. In a way, it helped him ease into being a demon better than the time he spent locked away in his room. While he wasn't always actively commanding, most of the time that wasn't spent on his interests was spent training or strategizing. He didn't really have time to dwell on his thoughts on you.

Yet, as the feelings of Envy and years of painful memories clashed together in his mind, an unfamiliar rage filled him. He too began avoiding you and would yell at you to go away if you asked to come into his room. You came to realize that if you wanted to try and fix things with him, you'd likely need to catch him when he was outside of his room. Thus, you hatched a plan to draw him out slowly.

Though he was one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom, it was rare to catch the Avatar of Envy out and about in town. Unless he had to go grocery shopping, Levi would only be seen out of the house whenever an important anime or game event was happening. This day in particular happened to be the release of a new game that he'd been looking forward to for years now, eagerly watching the development from the posts of the team's official Devilgram.

By the time he had got there the line was already fairly long, making the demon slightly nervous. Sure, he could always get a copy later, but these specific copies from this specific store were incredibly special in comparison to the other ones. They were limited edition copies that came with all of the DLC, as well as a figurine of the main character and a few replicas of in-game items. He'd tried to arrive as early as possible since the store had placed a rule against camping outside the entrance for a set amount of time, but he was held up by one of Lucifer's lectures regarding his grades on Seductive Speechcraft. Arguing with him or trying to escape would've only made him sit and listen to Lucifer for longer, so he begrudgingly sat through his older brother's lecturing and ran out the door once he was finished.

The line itself was full of a bunch of different types of demons, some of them being people he recognized from the Navy or a few of the Devildom's conventions. The other people were not as rowdy as he expected, but seeing as the doors wouldn't open for another hour they likely wouldn't be worked up by now. Seeing as he was going to be there for a while and didn't really have any desire to chat with those around him, he decided to pull out his Demontendo Switch and play some Devil Crossing.

Halfway through planting a new tulip garden, the line began to fill with chatter around him. Checking the time confirmed that it was about 5 minutes until the doors would open, so he was quick to save his game and prepare for the inevitable rush to get inside. As much as the owners of the shop would've liked there to be a calm, single file line, demons tended to be rather unpredictable. Leviathan still remembered the day of the most recent "The Seven Lords" release, after a Wrath demon ended up in quite a scuffle with a Greed demon over the last copy. It was rather likely that something similar would happen again, since the limited edition copies were so, well, limited.

When the doors finally opened, everyone rushed inside as expected. Levi had memorized the location of the display that would hold what he was looking for a few days prior to release, so he eagerly weaved in and out of the crowd to get to it. Yet, upon reaching the display, he was met with a sight that at first disappointed him, and then confused him. The shelves had been completely empty by the time he reached it, but as an envious rage began to stir within him he found an odd sight at the far end of the display. He hadn't expected to see you here of all places, let alone crouched so low to the floor in front of a rather pissed looking demon. Levi couldn't see exactly what you were holding onto, but over the chatter of the other customers he could make out that you had something that the demon in front of you wanted.

Getting closer, he was surprised to see a small pool of red beginning to stain the yellow carpet below you. Were you bleeding? Did the demon attack you? While he still didn't want to be around you all that much, he knew an awful punishment would be awaiting him should he let you get yourself killed over whatever you were so latched onto. He thought the demon would've put up more of a fight when he loomed over both of you in his Demon form, but they simply scurried away in fear. You slowly uncurled yourself to look at your savior, locking eyes with the otaku you hadn't seen in weeks. "Hey Levi! Thanks for the help." Levi cringed a little at the way you smiled up at him, bleeding heavily from your nose and acting like it wasn't there. Once you finally stood up and turned around, he saw what you had been practically guarding with your life. The box set of the limited edition copy he had been looking for was clutched closely to your chest, albeit with a few droplets of blood smeared across the surface.

"I'd say that I didn't expect to see you here, but to be honest I did. I was just hoping that I would've got in and out before you got here." You confessing, rubbing the back of your neck in an embarrassed manner. "Why? So you could buy the game before I could?" His tone made you flinch for a moment, but you continued to keep your pleasant composure. "I'll explain soon, just wait for me outside, okay?" "...Fine."

After a couple of minutes you met up with him outside, the box cleaned of crimson droplets and your nose thoroughly cleaned but still bruised. "Sorry about the wait, Miss Honey wouldn't let me leave before she took care of my whole broken nose thing." You chuckled nervously. "Miss Honey?" Levi mused in an uncouth manner. "Ah, yeah. She's the owner of the shop. I worked part time here for a bit and sorta became friends with her? Miss Honey is an older lady, so she doesn't have many people to talk to besides her grandkids when they visit. But, enough about that. Here." Eagerly, you presented the box to him. He raised an eyebrow at you, analyzing the situation before quickly snatching up the box. Levi found no sort of damages to the box and all of the collectables were inside, confirming to him that you weren't pulling some trick on him. "I was gonna just leave it in front of your door with a note, but since you're here now I might as well give it to you." "Why are you giving this to me? Do you want something?" It was understandable that he thought you may have had ulterior motives, but you didn't take it personally. "Oh, no no! I just remembered that you said you were really looking forward to this game so I wanted to get it for you. Miss Honey let me line up in front early so I would have a better chance at getting it." "I... I... uhm." "Well, I'll see you back at the House of Lamentation. I'm feeling a little lightheaded."

It took Leviathan a bit to come to terms with what he had just witnessed. You had gotten into a fight with a demon that could very well kill you, only to give him the very thing that you had been fighting to keep. Memories of you smiling yet bloodied face came to mind every time he looked at the box, and he couldn't bring himself to open it up and play the game he'd been waiting so long for. He fully expected you to demand some sort of favor in return for the game, but you never did. The most you had mentioned anything about it was when you asked him if he was enjoying the game while he escorted you around RAD in Mammon's place.

Similar to Mammon, he preferred to ease into being around you. Lingering in the same room at a distance, only closing the gap when he felt more comfortable in your general vicinity. You remained patient with him, allowing him to inch closer and closer at his own pace. The biggest step he had taken with you was inviting you into the common room to watch the anime from before, muttering something about never getting around to watching the show and you had already wanted to watch it with him anyway.

He had never been too comfortable with touching before you had confessed to him about your past, but something in him made him want to bring you physically closer to him. Butterflies filled his stomach as his pinkie crossed over yours one night and you made no move to pull away, instead linking yours with his.

Only after the Attic incident did he allow you back into his room, and if he was being honest he never wanted you to leave once you entered. You allow him to coddle you, the upset expression he gave you when you tried to do things on your own too heartbreaking to bear. Want something to eat or drink? He just so happens to have some Human food here, let him get you some. Bored? Come out of the bedtub and play some games or what some anime with him. Just make sure you grab the Henry controller and headphones. Lucifer had to fight quite a bit with Levi to get him to let you go so you could attend RAD. Even so, Leviathan attended more in person classes just to be around you. With how much he followed after you like a lost puppy, he was beginning to make Mammon jealous.

On nights that you've fallen asleep in his room and he's left alone with his thoughts, his mind sometimes drifts to Lilith. He never had time as an Angel or Demon to dwell too much on his sister's praises of you, but as the memories returned to him he couldn't help but smile. "I've never met a man as sweet as Mc. Not even an Angel could compare to how kind he is. He's such a massive sweetheart." Lilith had swooned one night in a conversation with Belphegor. His eyes drifted towards your sleeping form, focusing on the fantasy amulet hung around your neck. The same one that had come in the box set you'd given him. "You are a sweetheart, huh?" "...What was that Levi?" ".......aaaaAAAAAAA"

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

(I woulda posted this sooner but I was uhm, as the cool kids say, "Hungover as fuck" multiple times) (I only drink on holidays lmaoo my alcohol tolerance is shit)

#obey me lucifer #obey me fic #obey me mammon #omswd #obey me swd #obey me x reader #obey me x male reader #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer x male reader #obey me mammon x male reader #obey me leviathan x male reader

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ddarker-dreams · 3 years ago

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i read all of superior and you are so right it was so good??? the banter was written so well and their overall dynamic was so great and fun to read!! do u have any other recs for levi fics bc that one was fantastic

NHETGRKWMGRE SUPERIOR ASK LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i was waiting to see if i'd catch any anons after recommending the series. did you read it all?? i remember seeing the series and thinking, oh wow 150k words, i'll probably start reading some of it today and then finish it over the week. what a fool i was. i finished that entire story in a day. skipped lunch. levi took priority. absolute gold. i love fanfic writers so much, they provide us with some of the most meaningful emotional experiences to be found in literature. reader's characterization in this fic too... chefs kiss. watching her journey from being a cheeky cadet to levi's trusted lieutenant (still cheeky, but like, with some trauma now), was a delight. their relationship gives me butterflies and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i love it so much i could cry just thinking about it.

(please remember to heed the warnings in the tags for the stories!)

let's see, let's see... other levi fanfics that i'd recommend... i believe i've recommended this story once in the past, but i also love armistice, which includes an erwin x reader addition to the story as well! the plot itself fits so well into the AoT canon.

crossing the line is another god tier story. the tension between reader and levi was so palpable that i swear i almost started to sweat. crazy good. another story with levi/reader banter that had me losing my mind. i almost died at the part about reader and her god awful excuse of bird watching. iykyk.

#not sfw #recommendations #answered #Anonymous

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cyancherub · 3 years ago

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omg u turned off anon......i feel so naked ... anyways . do you have recommendations for writers who write smut like you? u know like, multiple rounds and they're all written? or just recs in general hehe i think youd have great tastes.

lso, can u tell us about any of the fics you're working on atm? u don't have to !! for either of these. but i am. curious

OMG IM SORRY i totally forgot i had it off!! i just turned it back on ehehe. as for multiple rounds in particular... since i started writing i havent read a lot of long form so i cant think of any oneshots off the top of my head that i distinctly remember having multiple rounds ;v; </3 BUT MAYBE if ppl have recs they can leave them in the comments!!

HOWEVER i do have some long form recs that might scratch the itch in a different way !!

rivals by @/sabrinamsexton (ao3) | bkg x reader x deku

one of my favs ever, not multiple rounds in one scene per se, but it is a long, plot-based fic where there's just a ton of sex in general LMAOOO so i would absolutely recommend it, it's one of my fav fics ever !!

anything by @sauza, but particularly badfish (kiri x reader x denki) and push it real good (kiri x reader)

long form and probably the sexiest corruption i have ever encountered but yeah heed the warnings! anything she writes is a banger 10/10 one of my fav authors i adore her work SO MUCH

the entire bakusquad shenanigans series by @shyrothy (she writes on ao3 but she also has a tumblr!)

long form absolute filth... I LOVE THESE SO MUCH each of the fics in this series is around 10k or longer !! shyrothy is the bakusquad porn queen. these fics are NASTY in the best way and so satisfying !!!

ALSO !!! i have a lot more recs over on my rec blog @teknique <333

to address your other question YES !!!! i love talking about my wips LMAO i actually have a little january wip list here !!! my main wip is a fic for kogami from psycho pass.. it's at like 25k right now and will likely hit 30k+ LOL but when i finish that im gonna finish up my sukuna series and then get back to my krbk x reader series which is my longest fic!! and then i have some more jjk fics on the way... megumi x reader x toji, strip club owner!sukuna. more horror ... a camp slasher fic for deku.. smth for denki... HMMM what else. OH !!! i have to do a fic for my crossover collab so im either gonna write a fighter!au for kiri x reader x yuuji OR a sensei smash w/ gojo, levi, kakashi, aizawa, and ukai AHHAHA. BUT I HAVE MORE i can make a whole post for them if u would like to see it!!! <33

#꩜ jawbreakers #nichespiderweb #rec

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levi-lover · 4 years ago

Text

Say my name

Levi x fem!reader

W/C: 1935

T/W: Smut, 18+, Female Masturbation, slight choking

A/N: I’m going through a writer’s block #rip so I edited the first smut piece I wrote back in December. It’s not my best but hey we all gotta start somewhere!

You sat at the kitchen table, hunched over a book, entrenched into the words on the page. As the climax began to unravel, you swung your leg onto the chair and put your weight on your foot so you could lean closer to the table, closer to the book. Your body began to shake as you frantically read the pages, turning each furiously.

You noticed you had less than ten pages to go, you slid your body closer to the table causing the ball of your foot to press against your core. You let out a small sigh, surprised by the sudden arousal. No, not now. Let me finish the book! You ignored the feeling but you kept on pressing your weight to your foot. You finished the book in a rush and as you closed the spine of the book, you let out a small sigh and untangled your legs from underneath you.

“Wow,” you said out loud to the empty room. That was amazing, I can’t wait to tell Levi. After months of him pestering you to read the dang book, you finally read it. You hated to admit it but Levi was right, you did love it. You rolled your eyes at the thought of his stupid smug face tell you he told you were going to love it. Whatever at least I’ll have someone to talk about it with. Speaking of his stupid smug face, where is he? You looked over at the stove clock 4:23 it read.

He had left over an hour ago to get groceries. He was normally quick and efficient, never gone for more than 40 minutes. Maybe he got caught up in traffic? You leaned back in the chair remembering the pressure in your core, you pressed your legs together and began to rub them. You closed your eyes in relief, another sigh escaped your mouth. You sat on your leg again, using your foot to apply pressure to yourself. As your body moved against your foot, your core began to tingle, with your left hand you grabbed your lower back and pushed yourself further into your foot, a moan escaped your mouth. You wished it would be Levi’s hands squeezing your lower back, hips, and thighs as he laid under your body, you wished you could be feeling his cock growing hard underneath you.

“Fuck, where is that man? I need him.”

You walked down the hallway into your shared bedroom. You sat at the foot of the bed, throwing your body against the crisp sheets, your legs dangled off the bed. You kept your eyes closed as your hand reached to your crotch, your fingers gently rubbing the fabric, your hips began to move along with your fingers desperate to feel more but you kept a slow pace. Your right hand reached over to your left breast and you began to massage yourself, feeling your nipple slowly harden under your shirt. A moan escaped your lips as you began to rub harder against your core, you reached your hands under your leggings feeling yourself over your underwear. You imagined Levi was the one touching you, closing your eyes tight, you pictured him laying over you, moaning into your ear. Heat began to pour into your cheek. You pushed your underwear aside, using your middle finger you touched your entrance. You trailed your finger up your slit, pressed down on your clit. Starting to draw tiny circles around the bundle of nerves, you felt the pressure build inside of you. You pressed down and moaned out Levi’s name.

“Yes?” asked a deep voice from the doorway.

You rolled your head over and pulled the top of your body up. “Levi, you’re home!” Your hands still in your leggings, you smiled sheepishly at him. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He chucked, “the lights were off. I assumed you were napping so I came in quietly. Tsk, looks like you were busy doing something else.”

Levi was leaning against the door, one eyebrow was up as he looked over at you with amusement on his face. You could tell he was trying not to laugh. You pulled your hands out of your pants.

“Oh, no. Don’t stop on my account, brat. Keep going” He walked over to you, the smell of pine and mint hitting your nose.

Fuck, I did a good job when I bought that cologne.

He was standing at the foot of the bed, looking down at you. His arms folded across his broad chest, his dark hair gently floating over his gray eyes. He put both arms on either side of your body as he leaned over, his legs spread over yours. You squirmed as you felt his breath near your face, you looked down overwhelmed by the heat coming off of your checks. He used his right hand to gently grab your face, his fingers were warm and firm. A sigh escaped your lips as he tilted your head up, forcing you to make eye contact with him. You saw the excitement and arousal in his eyes as he examined your face. He loved looking at you when you were like this, he loved knowing he was turning you on without even having to do anything to you. It made him feel powerful and it made him feel loved.

As much as he loved giving you pleasure, he also loved making you wait for it. He looked at your lips, they were parted as small, jagged breaths escaped from your chest. His cock began to press against his jeans as he looked over you. He wanted to fuck you so bad but he knew he had to wait.

He lowered his head and began to whisper into your ear, “are you gonna stop touching that pretty little pussy ‘cause I’m here, huh?”

You closed your eyes and moaned, you felt yourself getting wetter. You loved it when he talked dirty to you. He placed his hands on your neck and began choking you gently. He pushed you onto the bed.

“Go to the top of the bed. That’s an order”

You nodded and whispered, “yes, sir.”

You laid your head on your pillow and looked back to Levi, he was on his knees staring at you from the bottom of the bed.

“Take off your shirt.” You pulled off the shirt you were wearing and tossed it somewhere in the room. “Good girl. Pull down your leggings and only your leggings.”

You yanked down the fabric as Levi watching, smirking. You laid back, feeling the cool air of the room touch your naked body, goosebumps appeared on your stomach and thighs. Levi looked at you, waiting for you to make eye contact before he made his next order. He loved to look directly into your eyes during sex, he loved knowing you were fully present with him, that you needed him.

“Touch yourself but if you even dare to put a finger inside, you’ll get punished, okay?”

“Mmmm” you mumbled, as you began to rub yourself again, the pleasure from before quicking rising inside of you; knowing that Levi was watching you turned you on even more.

“Am I joke to you?”

“N-,o” you mustered out as your body began to tense, a coil starting to form inside of your stomach.

“Then answer me when I speak to you, got it, slut?” Levi’s voice became rough and dark, he wasn’t joking around.

“Y-yes, what do I do next?” you moaned.

“I want you to keep on rubbing yourself, do a good job for me.” You peaked over at Levi and who started to rub himself through his jeans. He was biting his bottom lips trying to hold in a moan. You arched your back at the beautiful sight.

“Start fucking yourself,” he ordered.

“Yes, Levi.” You start by putting in one finger and curl it into your body, slowly you insert one more, you could feel every inch of yourself. The noise of your wet cunt and moans filled the air. Levi let go of his moan and he began to unzip his jeans. Fuck, I love him so much. You squeezed your eyes shut and focused on Levi’s moans.

“I want to hear you say my name.”

“Yes, Levi.” you took your fingers out of your entrance and ran them back up your slit, your back arched at your touch, this was good but it would feel so much better if it was Levi doing this to you. You started touching your clit again, circling around it, the coil getting tighter and tighter. From the bottom of the bed, you heard the sound of Levi’s hands on his cock, you bit your lip just thinking about it.

“I told you to say my name like the good girl you are”

You threw your head back and started shouting Levi’s name.“F-fuck, Levi.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

Levi tossed his head back, he was holding his cock in his angular hands, stoking it up and down. He wanted to shove it inside of you, you were so wet and all he had to do was boss you around. He smiled at the thought of you fucking yourself to the memory of him.

“Mmm Levi, ‘m close.” You rotated between rubbing circles around your clit to pressing down on it, As the coil snapped, your back arched and pleasure flooded your body, your legs began to pulse. You looked over to see Levi’s face twisted in joy as his cock twitched in his hands and white strings of cum shot out from the tip. He looked at it with content before pulling off his t-shirt to clean off his hands. He glanced up at you and smirked, “that’s my good girl.”

You let out a sigh of relief and held your arms open, inviting him to come in. He chuckled before crawling his way to you. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, wrapping his toned arms around you. Levi placed small kisses on your skin, his hands caressed your waist with a feather-soft touch. You started trailing circles around his back. He loved when you touched him like this, so gentle and full of love.

“I missed you,” you whispered.

“Tsk, I wasn’t even gone long.”

“Yeah, but you were gone longer than usual, it was pure pain!”

He laughed at your dramatic nature.

“I guess since you couldn’t keep my name out of your lips.”

“Fuck you.”

“I know you want to,” he retorted.

“Whatever, anyways what took you so long? I finished the book and I wanted to talk about it!”

“I see. That’s why you were moaning my name. I had to wait for them to stalk up on someone’s favorite brand of oat milk. But you liked it, huh? I knew you would.” You didn’t even have to look at face to see the smug expression he was making.

“Yeah, I did like it, so what? But wait you got me oat milk? Doesn’t that need to be refrigerated?” you asked. The both of you had been going at for a while now.

Levi jumped out of you arms and shouted, “fuck! I didn’t put the groceries away!”

“Haha, loser!”

“Shut up, Brat. Help me put them away and then I’ll actually fuck you.”

“Aye, aye, Captain!” You shouted like a soldier getting ready for battle. You put clean clothes on and raced him to the kitchen. When Levi said he was going to do something he would do it.

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ourmondobongo · 3 years ago

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Hello! I'm new on tumblr :) I found your blog and came to love your interpretation on Levi's character ❤

I've recently come to notice that aside from many eruri shippers, there's also a vast majority of the fandom consider Levi as an obsessed revenge-seeker who doesn't give a flying crap about humanity in the final battle. I personally disagree with this idea and can't even bear the thought. Levi only proved to us in the final battle how much he cares. He was ready basically ready to put himself in danger anytime and almost forgot about the promise. But anyway the reason I'm here is because a few people and I were discussing this issue with a guy who keeps saying:

"1) He was just happened to be there in the final battle. He was there for Zeke and he made it clear in 126 that his intention is killing the beast titan to Magath and Pieck. No Zeke. No care"

"2) On the plane all he was thinking about was killing the monkey and it's not because it was Hanji's theory. He just wanted to kill tbe beast"

"3) Before getting onto the plane he didn't participate in battle but once he knew they were getting close to Eren's whereabouts, where Zeke probably was, he took part and don't tell me it was because he was recovering in those days while Hange and the other were fighting the Jaegerists. If we were to consider that then he needed rest till the very end of the series. He didn't need to take part in the battle"

"4) While flying on Falco he kept saying "Where is he? Where is the beast? And kept remembering Erwin's orders. Doesn't that sound like a simp to you?"

I'm sorry this turned out long but these horrible things are only parts of what he said. We tried arguing with him but well sometimes it's really hard to make someone understand lol What do you think about each of these 4 takes? I would love to read your thoughts and analysis. You sound like a very logical person.

Hello!!!

Welcome to Tumblr!!!

Thank you for the kind words! I love Levi a lot!

And though I'm nowhere near as in depth or accurate as other snk metas writers who long live here, I try my best to at least one or two points here and there as best as I can!

Before we begin exploring your points, excuse me for a sec while I share a bit of a concern I have…

You know, I feel like these last volumes of snk had a strange pacing, which compromised the depiction of facts and how the characters were living the events. Because while many things are getting clear now, almost one year later, the fact that there were an incredibly lot of faithful and sincere readers feeling way off or confused about the end of snk isn't normal, imo. Veteran people here on Tumblr - who used to write very in depth analysis of snk! - were so disappointed they dropped out of the fandom, or wrote frustrating rants. I can’t help but feel like there is a communication gap begging to be fixed and crossed between Isym, the manga, and the readers (at least the non-Japanese ones?).

And besides the seemingly need for a less rushed pacing, be it for the lack of more accurate manga translations, or side material officially published (such the smartpasses and other guidebooks), or snk interviews published in a official place to be referenced easily, or WIT's badass-biased portrait of characters - there seems to be a little gap between what Yams had been trying to say and what was written and shown in the manga, imo. Not to mention all the wild push-and-pull between ships, yeagerist x alliance, "the ML is always right" x "the ML is a complete maniac incel", and whatevers...

So I think this is why the anime now seems to be adapting the chapters slower, more detailed, orderly in timeline, and kinda heavy, brutal, and more humanistic. Though at first I didn't want to see a snk movie for the end, I'm somewhat starting to like the idea - if this is for the anime to fill up and smooth out the convoluted transitions between what Isym managed to present in the manga and what he wanted to do but couldn't on the paper for whatever reason. I think it will be good for the general audience who will still stick to the conclusion!

Now, let's go to the points you brought up!!

"1) He was just happened to be there in the final battle. He was there for Zeke and he made it clear in 126 that his intention is killing the beast titan to Magath and Pieck. No Zeke. No care"

Sometimes I feel like the fandom kinda forgets that EMA are the MCs of snk. I've forgotten sometimes that as well ngl

Levi certainly grew to become the most beloved and why not to say most important character of snk alongside Eren. But still, the main plot was not his history to resolve the final problems himself. The "hierarchy" is Eren-Mikasa-Armin, and then Levi. Or even, Levi's story was paralleled with Eren's.

Regardless of this, most of the time I feel like people who claim Levi was just by chance/alive in the final battle are mostly arguing based on "death plot armor" and "Levi was nerfed so Mikasa could shine" ideas. And tbh, it kinda bothers me when I read people saying "Isym nerfed Levi because he was too OP and would have killed Zeke and Eren in a blink" and other typical shounen sayings because I don't think it was the case at all.

While it's kinda controversial that Levi could fight on such horrible conditions considering that in the Female Arc he was put out of commission due to his injured feet, they were facing the end of the world now, and with barely anyone left to join the fight. But since my own view is but my own on the matter, I like to reference people to this interview here, in which pretty much Isym explains Levi wouldn't always be placed on the front lines by being too powerful. But rather than simply "nerf" him, this actually adds depth to Levi's character (as well to all other characters who had to put themselves together and face the danger). Levi's worried face and clenched fist in chapter 33 tells us how hard it was for him to stand by and only watch people having to fight while he can't...

...But this nuance is mostly lost because anime people usually pick the manga to read from where the anime season ended, and Thank you WIT for bringing Levi out of nowhere and making him save everyone's asses in the anime for the sake of fanservice - it helped to unnecessarily OP his character a lot!! (*sighs*)

(As a side note about Levi's injuries after 115, the drawings of Levi's chest and abs on 126, there weren't broken ribs or any other visibly serious injury, nor major problems aside from his face. I believe Hanji would have wrapped his abs with something to show it, or Yams would have made it bleed or purple or whatever. Levi definitely should have purple bruises since he fell hard on the ground, tho, but please MAPPA do NOT cover Levi's sexy back LOL)

And talking about chapter 126 - imo, it falls in the list of chapters that definitely should have been split into two different chapters. It feels kinda rushed, too much info packed into 45 pages, borderline cringe in some parts. Maybe it's why the aot leaks say the anime will have a whole episode dedicated just for it - they might flesh out the content to make the plot flow more smoothly.

But regarding Levi and Hanji’s talk with Magath and Pieck, something everyone should consider is that MagaPi didn't know LeviHan at all - just that they were highly capable soldiers and leaders of the Survey Corps. They were "sworn enemies", the ones who put into shame ALL their precious Titan Shifters. And as far as MagaPi knew, LeviHan were supposed to be cunning and merciless, vengeful "Island Devils" that had invaded Liberio and wreaked havoc, and killed military and civilians just a month ago; they had been secretly working with Zeke all the time.

So why would MagaPi believe our devoted hearts would want to save their deadly, hate-filled persecutors? And also after all the tragedies Marley itself had imposed on them?

As humans and soldiers that had all the reasons to distrust one another, LeviHan presumably understood that MagaPi needed some solid goal or purpose besides the "we want to save the same people that want to kill us all!!!". If even readers mocked this idea, and Isym also kinda ironizes this in the "Avengers Pose" at the end of 126 as well as using Yelena to make critics over the superficiality/naivety of the thought of saving the world in 127, what makes anyone think this would simply work with LeviHan and MagaPi right of the bat?

That's why they use Zeke as a credible link to instigate the start of a conversation.

I presume MagaPi were well aware of Levi and Zeke’s animosity. They might have deduced that Levi’s hurt predicament was due to a fight with Zeke too. I would like to point out, tho, that while Levi proposes the idea, Isym does a close up on Hanji, Magath, and Pieck's faces. Hanji's eye is hidden (meaning it's not simply this killing intention they had in mind), and Magath isn't buying it just yet too, and above all Pieck once again dislikes the idea of killing Zeke, just like in 119.

Their main interest definitely isn't aligned as of yet. But it was the best first step they could try out.

Thus, "No Zeke, no care" is but a heavily blindly obsessive-revenge interpretation of Levi's character. Thank you Kodansha for officially translating Hanji's words of vexing feelings as a need for revenge too 🙃 Levi's character was benefited by it (*sighs*).

As for Levi’s general feelings and thoughts in the final battle, I think chapter 136 couldn't be more explicit than that!

Levi is literally dropping his burden goal of killing Zeke because he is too injured to fight him (and it would bring more dangers to his kids if he died meaninglessly),

and Levi is shoving up and scrubbing into our faces that the world he himself and the others hoped for when they decided to fight in the SC wasn't to destroy others (but thanks again, KodanshaTM, for changing WE DREAMT to YOU DREAMT 🙃👌),

and when gripping his sword, Levi is showing he is renewing his will to not give up his dream and die succumb to the pressure of the horrors of the moment, and that he is gonna fight until his dying breath now - whether Zeke appears or not - while entrusting the future to the youth who held the same look of hopeful freedom he saw at the Heart of the SC.

But, ofc, there comes Erwin's name after this all, and Levi expressing no regrets about having let him die, and near the eyes' sentence; and as the first KodanshaTM "you" wasn't translated as plural you, Levi's heartbreaking and multilayered monologue is read as him being a one-dimensional-soon-to-be-dead-vengeful-impaired-simp nerfed by Isym and that just wanted to fulfill a promise "to kill monkeyTM".

At this point, I can only hope the animation can somehow save Levi's character now. Or maybe, Isym himself may give an interview which clarifies this all with his own words so people can settle this matter once and for all. I wonder what Japanese readers think of this whole crazy ordeal...

Lastly, Super-peace-fangirl has shown perfectly panel by panel how much Levi cared about snk final events especially on chapter 138, after Zeke's death. If Levi isn't clearly showing AGAIN that he is saving and caring and battling for humanity, I don't know what his character is doing anymore!!

"2) On the plane all he was thinking about was killing the monkey and it's not because it was Hanji's theory. He just wanted to kill the beast"

Being a bit bitter, I'm not even shocked over Hanji erasure here.

Hanji’s treatment in this ending was… rushed and kinda unfair. And it doesn't help that Yams drew Hanji mentioning the Zeke hypothesis back in chapter 126, in a minuscule panel during a supposedly important conversation that made enemies worked together but that only lasted for 02 pages (*sighs*).

Still, at least two key points are being forgotten when people argue that Levi is but "obsessively hunting down his prey" in chapter 133 and so on:

The Characters don't have ORVP

We, readers, have the omniscient reader viewpoint. The characters don't. So we readers might know whatever is going on inside the Founder and the extension of Zeke’s relationship with its power, but Levi and the others didn't know.

And when we read the scenes projecting our awareness upon the text and the characters actions, then we slip down on the problem of "Oh, this is so obvious!". Which ends up with us proceeding to read events and statements as a "broken record", which I feel that happens with Levi regarding Zeke (and the vow too).

Hanji is the Biggest Titan Specialist of snk World

Levi is one of the most sincere narrators of snk, even if sometimes he needs a translator.

If he himself said "I'm not certain, but that was what Hanji predicted", then Levi (Professional Titan Killer, and not ORVP/reader/Yams) might not be 100% sure that killing Zeke will stop the Rumbling, but since Hanji (the Biggest Titan Specialist of their world, as even hinted by Pieck on 126) predicted as much, Levi was betting on it. To him, following Hanji's experience and knowledge of 10 years regarding Titan studies, killing Zeke has a great chance to stop it all. And if it spares Eren's life, then it's something even better. So Levi is not using lame excuses, or blind vengeful reasons, to go after Zeke. This, or Yams is fucking kidding with Hanji’s character. I can’t believe he would go so low as use this crap with Levi of all characters.

And I also want to highlight that no one else there but Armin and Levi could have thought of that idea. But it's quite logical Armin wouldn't be used in this because his dilemma over killing Eren had to last longer. At the same time, imo, this is Isym also showing that Levi was reluctant on killing Eren as much as everyone else. We can see it from 112, then his behavior in 133 in Paths, and then until chapter 137/138. Things are not simply one-dimensional-in their interpretation in AOT.

Another note, I want to highlight how broken Levi looks when mentioning that it was Hanji's idea, and then how he asks for everyone's cooperation and help later. If revenge is the 1st and only thing that comes into one's mind when seeing these panels - and not Levi heavily struggling to keep focused physically, mentally, and emotionally in the battle ahead because he is deeply injured, and has just become the last veteran, the last one carrying all the weight of thousands of devoted hearts on his back alone, and millions of people are dying because Eren and Zeke meet, and Levi just wants all that slaughter and pain and suffering to end - then...

I.don't.know.

Levi's character is already a "I will kill monkey" meme by now. Curse it all lol

They themselves answer their arguments while overlooking the obvious facts lol Way to purposely find reasons to shit on Levi's character. They must hate Levi for nothing lol

Well, in chapter 128-129, it has been 2 days since Levi nearly died in a thunderspear explosion. While us readers had to wait 10 - 12 months to read the chapters, to the characters it was 2 days! Levi is totally wrecked at that time, which is made even clearer at the beginning of chapter 132. And while Levi's bad hair moment is cute in chapter 127, it is also a little reminder that for a man who usually slept only 3-4 hours per day to be asking people to shut up after he had been sleeping for almost two entire days… well, Levi is definitely wrecked.

And, again, just like on chapter 33 moment, Levi is worriedly watching Hanji, his kids, Titan Shifters, and his former SC subordinates (because as SC Captain, Levi was still on top of the Survey Corps) all fight to death while he is powerless to do a thing - powerless to protect everyone. I dare anyone to look at Levi's body language here, and say he didn't want to be capable of fighting!

And as if not enough, Yelena also goes and rubs salt on his psychological wounds saying Humanity can't be separated from violence. Levi is being crushed from all sides just in 2 days of having to kill his 30 titanized soldiers + nearly have died + now this, and with millions of people dying meaninglessly under Colossal Titan feet because of Eren!!

Oh, Levi definitely needed to rest until the end of the story - to be wrapped on warm blankets, cradled to sleep, with someone softly combing his hair, and calmly whispering to him that the fight was over, and that everyone was okay and safe, and that they're finally free so he could sleep how much he wanted!! But Isym said, "No, sweetie! The Titanpocalypse is here, and you better pull yourself together, and get your nearly-kissed-by-Death body into that goddamn hell after rising from the dead in three days, and save everyone's asses - making parallels with the One with whom you share your birthday date!"

He can't even mourn Hanji's death in peace either

"4) While flying on Falco he kept saying "Where is he? Where is the beast? And kept remembering Erwin's orders. Doesn't that sound like a simp to you?"

That's what we get when the only remaining adult who is not actively engaged on the physical battle to rescue Armin is trying to do something useful despite being nearly incapacitated on a Flying Titan's back (*sighs*).

I don't blame anyone for thinking whatever they think Levi looks like in this part though. This is the moment Levi has to reflect about his and the SC's role, and this also has to do with his matter regarding Zeke and Erwin and the vow indeed.

Levi believed in Hanji's theory that the Rumbling - which was about to crush the rest of humanity right under Levi's sight - was going to stop once Zeke was killed, but I definitely can see from where it comes the "Levi is obsessed with killing Zeke for Erwin's order from 4 years ago". The drawing and Levi's words are all in front of our eyes. Moreover, it's to Erwin (person) that Levi makes the vow to, and in a position where he is clearly set as a Knight making an oath to his King. And at the same time it's interesting that Levi remembers Erwin tired, the lights of his eyes dead, and when he looks up at him, Erwin isn't free as Levi remembered when he saved Armin during serum bowl. If anything, it's the first time Levi feels like he has failed his duty, disappointed his Commander, and imagines a dead person expecting something from him.

But the more I reread Levi's chapters (80, 81, 112, and 136), the more I feel like Levi's take towards the vow is multilayered. Killing Zeke has been one of the focus of Levi's narrative since chapter 75, where Erwin says he just trusts Levi to kill the Beast, and this got to another level along the years/story/chapters, especially after chapters 80-81, 112, 113. And, boy, Levi's devotion to fulfill a promise to the dead was his ultimate shackle - the biggest curse of his life, in a way.

But just like everything else Yams does when dealing with human nature, I don't think the vow can be solely understood as a plain "I'll kill the Beast Titan". It’s part of it, but not it all? Or maybe it's just me struggling to comprehend how Levi succumbed to the danger of being drunk on something that Kenny had warned him in his dying bed. Levi hellbent on fulfilling Erwin's last order as his duty (as he addresses the topic on 136) makes absolutely more sense to me than just revenge.

Still, at the very end, as strong as Levi's unwavering will to give meaning to all SC deaths, he helped humanity have a chance of survive at all because it was the right thing to do. I particularly feel like it is a reduction of Levi whenever he is frequently marked as a man who fulfilled a promise to his Commander rather than also praising ALL aspects that encompasses it. Levi's devotion to his duty, his sense of responsibility, his inhuman willpower to keep fighting even after nearly losing everything is incomparable. And this belongs to Levi's character in such a broader way. That's why he is Humanity’s Strongest after all!!

Another point people forget is that killing Zeke doesn't give meaning to the SC devoted hearts. It might have helped stop the Rumbling, but that's not enough - never was, and never would be worth their sacrifices. Levi also makes it very clearly in 139. The Titans are gone, the nightmare is over, humanity is free and not all doomed to die eaten alive or stomped powerless = "I guess this is the result of all of your devoted hearts". At most, killing Zeke is Levi finally breaking free from a curse that lasted way too long, and Levi held no personal triumphant satisfaction with it - just the damned realization this shit was finally over, forever.

Another poignant matter is that it was thanks to Erwin and the recruits' sacrifices that Paradis could learn about the truth of the World - the most crucial matter at stake at that moment. And the RtS victory allowed for the Island to be freed of the horror of the Titans. Yet, Levi rejects this huge fact as enough to be worth the devoted hearts. I can’t imagine how getting Zeke’s head alone would ever be comparable, or superior, to all that the SC had accomplished until they got the brats to the sea. Unless, ofc, Levi's narrative is really supposed to be the "Revenge-Avenge" Tragic Hero...

Then, if considering this idea is a part of him, it's interesting to remember too that Levi knows Zeke killed Mike, Nanaba, and the Ragako Village; and that Levi chose to send around a hundred people to their death in the Beast's hand so that Humanity inside the Walls could survive; and that the massacre on Marley was orchestrated by Zeke mostly (bc Eren doesn't have the brains for it), and that Zeke titanized Levi's soldiers in the forest... Then it makes sense Levi also had assumed to be his role to guarantee Zeke wouldn't get out of this all in impunity for all the deaths he had committed. But there is still a difference between revenge, punishment, and retributive justice.

Levi knows, though, what Grisha did to Zeke, and he had a brief idea what Zeke lived in Marley, and must have imagined how Zeke was used as Beast Titan for years in Marley wars, and what Zeke ultimately wanted to do when Yelena asked Hanji and everyone to admit Zeke’s plan was better. I really wanted to see what happened in chapter 132, when Levi reflects about Yelena's words, and hearing Hanji blaming herself/taking responsibility for Eren's downfall, and saying she was powerless. But thank you, Yams, for leave me hanging on this too 🙃

Anyway, in chapter 136, Levi has a lot to cover of his and SC's narratives in the brief 03-04 pages he is given. And imo, it goes as the one chapter I wanted Yams himself talking about just for the sake of full understanding. But we're probably never getting it, so at this point, everyone will take Levi's words and actions however they want - from reduced to a simp who just fought to kill monkey to get revenge from the man Levi himself chose to let die (and *cough* had no regrets about it *cough*) up to Humanity’s Strongest soul and last bearer of the Wings of Freedom, with a unmatched devoted heart.

However, blessed be the new OP!! I think the nihilism and despair and desperation and tears are setting even more clear the state of the last events of snk. Scratch the stupid ass shipper interpretation of that moment, and focus on Levi's journey with SC's devoted hearts in a world bathed on blood, death, and meaninglessness. Hopefully, it and the animation will help dissipate the mist over Levi's character too.

Yes, it's raining tears

#answering devoted hearts #this was long #lol #i love how Levi is reduced to Humanity’s Strongest Simp #🙃#can't blame anyone tho #the last volumes of aot seemed so dragged and strange #and a lot of us were actually burned out at some point?#oh i might have digressed on this #but yeah

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yvningshowers · 3 years ago

Text

Utgard, by Boat

Eren × f!reader × Connie (It's only x Eren if you squint ok sorry but... I mean like. If I explained it I'd ruin it but just don't get too excited ok you don't touch his dick. There that should help gebriwhrjeb)

(LATE) submission for @cyancherub's wheelofmisfortune collab! Please for the love of GOD check out the other writers and works they're so gOOD WJFJEJ FJWI

Warnings: unprotected sex, cucking, cheating (kinda? on Eren? a lil bit? djdbdsj), spit kink, drugging, dubcon, gore descriptions (this... is attack on titan after all sjdowh but it's light tho!)

W.k. 11.2k

Minors dni banner made by the wonderful @/katsupeach

Have fun!!!

It was before the first ship came to the island.

Stationed on the beach, overlooking the ocean, the Scouts spent a long time watching the waves, waiting for the enemy to eventually make their appearance. First watch, second watch, third watch, and so on, some soldiers coming by occasionally to join and dip their toes in the water boredly as the hours and shifts passed by.

It was your shift that night.

You stare out at the beach, watching the water lap, the moon's reflection dancing on the black waves. The ocean isn't really a sight you think you'll ever truly get used to, no matter how often you watch that horizon, wondering what's on the other side. The cool feel of all that water, the salt that covers your lips when you run your tongue over them, the sand that gets stuck in the spaces between your fingers. The ocean, spanning as far as the eye can see, deeper even than that. It fills you with a strange feeling, one you can't quite understand, but that comes stronger at night. It leaves you restless, tossing and turning in your bed, forcing you to confront it, to try and figure it out as you volunteer for night shift after night shift on the pillowy sands.

"How late am I?"

You startle at the smug voice next to your ear, your shoulders jerking up in surprise as Connie cackles and plops down next to you on the sand, and you laugh softly. "Dude you scared the shit out of me." His wicked grin grows wider. "Yeah I saw that. I suck at being sneaky, but you're kinda easy to scare, huh?" You snort and throw a fistfull of sand at his crotch. "Whatever, you're an idiot." "Hey!" "And you're like fifteen minutes late, you owe me those fifteen minutes when this shift is over you asshole." He frowns as he stands and brushes away all the sand from his pants, shaking them out and then falling back down unceremoniously next to you again. "Alright, alright, damn." You find yourself looking back over at the water with him, silent with familiarity. The waves inch forward and pull back, and he watches for what seems like forever in the dim reflection of your eyes. Even in the low light of the evening he can see the exhaustion that lingers in your blinks, that stains dark the skin where your lashes meet your face. How long have you chased sleep away, how long have you been avoiding the nightmares that seize you before you even close your eyes? "You uh, you doin okay?"

You blink and face him and his raised brow. His hair has grown some since the fall of the titans, a change from all of your years of knowing him, and yet it only makes him feel more familiar, some strange comfort bubbling in your chest with the knowledge that you're all changing, but doing so openly, bare before one another. "Huh?" You look away in avoidance, and he eyes you for a moment too long, squaring his shoulders to make a point of pronouncing his concern.

"I said, are you doing okay?"

"Oh." You recoil a bit, face twisted up in faux confusion at his question. "What, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you volunteer for night shift every night, and then you're up bright and early in the morning for training with Captain Levi like if you didn't just sleep for two hours," Connie answers with a shrug of his shoulders. He's shot up over half a foot in all this time too- you don't remember when he grew into himself, but here he sits before you, grown fresh in body and maturity. You laugh and toe the moonlit sand with your boot absentmindedly. "Well, it. Yeah. I mean... things have been rough lately, but what else is new, ya know? I'm doing okay."

"Is it about all the stuff Eren said?"

Ah. Eren. Your eyes betray some truth when they lock with Connie's, some secret hidden there dislodging, goes floating adrift to him like wood on a turbulent shore. That you forgot about your friend, that when Connie said his name just now you had to pause and think, to hurriedly remember dark brows and green eyes for a second. You're not sure when this feeling started, you're not entirely certain that you've done yourself the favor of thinking about it.

Utgard.

Alright. So maybe you have done yourself that disservice. "No, it's uh, not, actually. It's… uh..." you gesture aimlessly about you, sand sticking to your fingers grossly with the sweat that now coats them. You trail off, staring out over the water again. Pitch black, save for the dancing moon. If you ignore that silver ripple, just focusing on the black of the ocean long enough, you can see it. Like a child making up monsters in the dark of their bedroom, you see them. Hands, the size of your horses, rising from the depths, reaching out with a rabid hunger, damning you with their greedy fingers. You remember deep cuts in the flesh in fallen soldiers, near dismemberments- not from any blade, or teeth, but from the firm press of titan nails tearing their flesh apart. Bleeding out thickly, pale soldiers lying weak, covered in their own sticky, dark drying lifeblood.

"I feel like I can be honest with you."

He doesn't say a word in response, simply nods his head and crosses his legs on the sand, waiting for your next word patiently. He's grown into silence, it's become something he's more comfortable with. You don't know whether to be sad for him or grateful. "Do you remember that day? When titans were inside the walls? Except they never fell?" There's no way he doesn't remember. Riding on horseback, hot air mixing with the sweat to thoroughly ruin your day, if the thought of wall Maria falling and all of humanity being doomed hadn't already achieved that. All of humanity, you all had worried. All of humanity. The dull panic and fear that set in: thick, heavy when afternoon became dusk, and there wasn't a single hole in the wall. Not even a crack. That was the moment, staring across the towering wall at Bertholdt and Reiner's faces illuminated solely by flickering torch light in the sweltering evening. What that moment was exactly, you try not to think about, lest you begin to understand it.

"The time we found out Ymir was a titan?" Connie plays with the sand absentmindedly, letting it fall through his cupped fingers, trickling back down onto the beach. His hands emptying slowly, less sand, less sand, disappearing from his hands, leaking back down, streaming through to the rest of the endless beads of eroded rock you sit on.

"Yeah, that. That time." When the scouts killed every deformed neighbor from his village.

"I uh... I still remember. Ya know? Like... before we found out about Ymir. And Bert and Reiner. When we were on top of that castle." When you realized, for the first time on top of that swaying tower. It crumbled, threatened to fall and drop you to your death. And for the first time in your life since infancy you knew no power. You had no control over your death. "Lynn, Gelgar, uh. Shit. The other two..." The other man had dark hair and a kind face, the other woman dirty blond hair, a scruffy undercut. She was the last to die. Screaming from behind teeth that severed her head from her body. You remember their faces, the crunch of their chewed spines, their comforting presence. You remember their cracked screams for their fathers, their calming hands, their cries for alcohol.

You don't remember their names.

"I think one of them was Nanaba," Connie mutters quietly, watching you as you stare out towards the sea. He was the only other person there, the only person that understood what it was like to have your life's entire foundation crumble under your feet and send you into freefall that night. So you nod at him and continue. "They were really nice people, um. And they're gone now. They never got to see, uh," you gesture over at the pitch black water, at the slivers of silver moon that snake across its never ending surface. "They never got to see this. To find out the truth." Connie nods, dark ocean reflecting in his wide eyes. "The truth, huh?"

"Yeah." Truth, like time, stretches before you, on that open ocean. The waves lap, and then they scuttle, and then all at once they crash, loud and dark, overwhelming your senses, seeping cold into your nerves, forcing you to draw yourself inward, to resist plugging your ears with your hands.

Above it all you hear footsteps behind you in the sand.

"Hey, you." Walking across the beach, slow like driftwood, sitting cross legged next to you. Dark brow relaxed, green eyes smiling at you in the evening.

Eren.

"Hey." There was a time, before all of this, when the two of you stole glances and touches, gentle presses of lips and roaming hands were what you had. After making it to the ocean it seems those days have gone. But he sits next to you on the sand and lifts his fist for Connie to pound, calm and quiet. And yet somehow he adds to the noise in your ears that grows with each crashing wave. He says something- all you hear is rushing water. He looks at you expectantly, long hair framing his face, and you blink.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said what are you guys talking about?"

"Utgard." You don't know why you say it, don't know exactly what possessed you to spill that sensitive truth, but you've blurted it out now, and Eren eyes you from his peripheral. "What is that?"

"The uh, the castle we were staying in, uh, when... when all the titans were in Wall Rose." Eren looks over at Connie who's nodding next to you, listening silently to your conversation. "The one we saved you guys from?" Connie nods again, muttering a small, "yeah," quietly into the night. "Thanks, by the way, for uh. That save. I never thanked you for it." You offer the thanks meekly. Eren just stares out over the water. "It's fine."

Black ink bleeds over shoreline, staining sand over, and over, and over. Waves attacking, battering rock, and then receding, pulling back with the promise of more- always more, never relenting. "It was.... I mean. That day was shitty. Really, uh, really fucking shitty. I'd like to forget about that day. But you did save us. So thanks." The words go stuttering out of your mouth. You taste the salt from the air on your tongue, sharp and acrid. "We're all scouts, we watch each other's backs. So keep the thanks." His eyes stay on the water, moonlight reflecting off the high planes of his cheekbones. Just like his mother's, Armin had told you once during training. Same chestnut brown hair too. But not those eyes.

"They're uh," Armin had swallowed the bread in his mouth and stared over the training grounds, to where Eren's tanned hands reached for a rifle. "They're definitely his dad's." He'd stared for a moment longer and then smiled tightly at you, corners of his mouth littered with tiny crumbs, soft hands offering the rest of his bread. "Do you want some?"

"'Kay."

You're not sure if you've ever liked the ocean's never ending pulse of rushing water. It feels like a heartbeat, or like breathing; like a living thing, large and ever hungry, reminding you of something colossal, of something unavoidable and fiercely destructive. "I just… like. Think about it all the time, I dunno." Eren eyes you, watchful, almost desperate, as if looking for something in you that he can't seem to find. You shiver with the harsh ocean breeze.

"Why?" Loud, is his question, cutting through your thoughts, jumbling them all together and splitting them apart, making you see too much, all at once. Blond hair caressing a hooked nose, bright light exploding like the sun, a blizzard, Historia shoved into a carriage, the pop of a person in titan grip like ripe insect, the glowing underground, sand, as far as the eye can see, never ending. You frown and stare at the shifting horizon, feeling nausea drift, floating over you, hot and wet. "I really, I… I don't know."

"Same here," Connie mutters, and you almost startle with his admission, almost forgetting that he was there with you at all. Leaning into him eases some nausea, puts you at ease even as the tide continues, rolling forward, edging back. "We could go back there if you want. Get you guys some closure, or whatever it is you need." Loud, the hungry waves, the cries of a starving stomach.

"What? When?" Connie can't believe what he's hearing, you're not even sure if you're hearing anything at all.

"Now."

"Now?" Thank whatever god is out there for Connie's loud questioning. It snaps you out of whatever trance you're in, tears your eyes away from the surf and over to Eren's seated form on the sand. "Now." He shrugs, like it's normal, like what he's saying isn't absolutely ridiculous.

"Bro that's- that's a week's trip at the least. Like that's... so far from here, it's-"

"It's now or never, Connie," Eren says almost tiredly, and you gape up at him from where he's moved to stand, hands in his pockets, gazing down at the two of you with a raised brow.

You agree. When it is exactly that the two of you do it you're not entirely sure- that escapes you, like moss covered rock slipping slick from your fingers and plopping, splashing heavily back down into shallow shore. But you do, you find yourself grabbing Eren's hand, feeling lighter than feather as he hauls you up, like if you don't weigh a thing, like if he isn't pulling you at all. He continues to hold your hand for a moment longer than he has to, and everything feels a bit wobbly then: like the first days of training with maneuver gear, like the first time your lips touched in a fleeting moment of fear and desperation. "Pack some stuff, come on. Let's go."

His visage looms large, his form before you imposing, somehow, bright light of the moon illuminating him, where his bare feet meet the sand, where salt spray coats his lashes. You blink at him silently before glancing down at Connie, who looks up from busying himself with the frayed end of his jacket. That feeling in your chest that had made your heart feel funny ebbs away with the ocean waves in the calming hazel grey of Connie's crinkled, smiling eyes.

It would have been over a week's trip on horseback, maybe longer. With Eren's titan form it takes four days. Daylight is spent sitting on his shoulder or laying sprawled over his head, and nights are spent quiet, eating rations and occasionally finding a river or stream to dip yourselves in and take a sip from. You feel insane, like the three of you have just run from the present, abandoning it for the past. You still don't know exactly what, but something does lie there, needing to be buried. You guess you'll find out when you get there. Eren is mostly quiet, like he tends to be these days. If he isn't looming large over the two of you silently, then he's standing just a little taller beside, but he is quiet all the same. Tired, you think, rubbing his back absentmindedly one evening, steam rising from the neck of his titan form. Maybe you imagine it in the heat, but you think you feel him melt into the touch.

On the fourth evening, when the sun just dips below the vast, open horizon, as you cling to Eren's titan shoulder, one of your hands slips, just a little. You frown, readjust your hold on him, shift from side to side on your ass until you seat is more comfortable. Your leg feels a little weird in your new position- you have the strong urge to move it, suddenly. You frown, in the middle of a shrug when your hand slips again, this time the left one. You readjust just for the right to go again. And then the left again almost immediately. Something feels different, in the air, and when your hands slip again you realize it's not the air. Sweaty. Your palms are sweaty. And the strangeness is in your chest. It hits you, all at once, a colossal wave that crashes over you with Connie's voice.

"That's it."

The ruins of Utgard castle, stone rubble sitting on the horizon, and inside of you.

Fear.

And as the rubble mountain grows closer, darker and larger as Eren makes his way over steadily, more waves come. Moon, now hanging full over the small stone mountain, teases at your retina. The mountain becomes a fallen church- or is it a titan, crouched, lying in wait? It's a crumbled village, a cut down forest before it comes closer and becomes rubble again, all with the shifting, rippling light of evening. Eren's titan form is loud. Thundering steps, weighted and heavy, rhythmic, pushing you towards a place you never wanted to see again. Crashing into the ground, making your head hurt. It's all too much at once, but you're on top of the ruins in what seems like the blink of an eye.

Memories come then, as Eren stands on the edge of the grounds.

Smiling faces. Kind eyes crinkling, cheeks that bunch away from teeth and gum, pink and wet, reflecting in dim torch light as they move to swallow you whole.

A distant, haunting howl, one that's kept you up for too many nights, watching as the ugliest titan you've ever seen screamed atop the wall before clambering back down, never to be seen again until the retaking of Shiganshina. That sound entered your bones and never truly left, burrowing deep like a parasite in the marrow of your spine, malignant, corrosive.

"Yo." You blink, stare down at Connie's outstretched arm. Eren's titan kneels, on knees and elbows to make it easier for you to jump off. "Come on." You take his hand and jump, and hear the loud crunch of gravel beneath your boots, like fragmenting bone. "I almost died here," Connie mutters as he stares at the mess before you, and you stare at the mountain of rubble with him. "Yeah."

The castle is thoroughly decimated. What all of the titans did to it glints in the darkness, completely crushed. Some of the stable structure remains, some remnants of the battlements, but everything else is a cracked, broken shell of what used to be. Walking around it feels wrong. You knew it would, before you even got there, but it still grips at every blood vessel in your body tightly, makes you run cold and walk hesitantly through the fallen pieces of debris. You walk for what feels like hours, inspecting every pile, every place where you have memories buried deep underneath, scraping from below, fighting to get free. You push them down with the nausea that too fights to take you over.

Titan blood evaporates. It's a fact you know well, that you've often reminded yourself of in the midst of battle when your uniform gets stained an ugly crimson.

What is on the stone before you is dried, and black.

You stepped on them. When the castle fell, everyone grabbed hold of Ymir, and when she placed you all down, you stepped on something soft and wet. It was Lynn's hand, palm open, fingers splayed out in all directions. Nails of nausea come again, scraping at the lining of your stomach. You don't know if her being thrown into the tower or the fall from it was what shattered her hand into little more than splintered, bloody pieces.

But you know your boot, the same one you wear now, had severed what was left of her thumb.

A hand comes down on your shoulder then, startling you just so, enough that you look up too sharply at green eyes watching you, a crease forming in Eren's brow. "We should eat." You're not hungry.

"Yeah. Ok."

They had started a fire in your absence atop the battlements. You sit with Connie and Eren plants himself across from you, busying himself with the health of the fire with wood from some broken down door. You stare at them as they consume the rations you'd brought, biting and chewing through bread gone tough, pulling a little hard at it, teeth gnawing and yanking. You sit, and you watch. Flames crackle in front of you, wood collected from who knows where, and you frown into the embers, watching them dance, sway to and fro, lurching forward, dipping back. Warmer, redder, less predictable than waves. You shake your head and pull a small piece of bread into your mouth. It sits there for a while before Eren opens his mouth to speak, and you begin to chew, leaving the answers to Connie. They talk about that day. That day, when the walls were unmarred, when your two teams met up and arrived at the castle, when fear grew like carefully nursed child, suckling life from you with each passing moment, that grew to sudden, enormous size when that first crash of the horses sounded throughout the tower.

"They were, like, thrown, they-"

"The beast titan took our fucking horses," you realize, mouth going dry with your one swallow of bread. "He was right there. Right next to us. And he didn't kill us when he had the chance. He just took our fucking horses." You were like toys. Like funny little toy soldiers that he played with. You never did get to see who was in the beast titan. But he was man. Human. Like the rest of you. And he threw the horses and your fellow soldiers like they were toys. The fire hisses, Connie and Eren keep talking, and you hear rushing water over stone.

At some point Connie stands, announcing that he has to take a piss. Watching him go feels like a farewell to something, you don't know what, but you grip your bread tightly to keep yourself from following him.

It's just you and Eren now.

He has grown, some, in the time since the fall of the titans. In height, in appearance- even his hair frames his cheeks, long and chestnut brown. With that growth came distance.

The fire rages between you, and you tear another piece of bread, chewing it to fill the silence. It drags on for what seems like forever, your wet, rhythmic chewing making you earlobe itch incessantly.

"So what happened after Reiner was bitten?" His voice startles you, and you struggle with the bread in your mouth, swallowing it and avoiding his gaze, bouncing your leg and trying to ignore the gentle cracking of the flames. You glance up at him after a considerable moment of time, and meet his wide, expectant eye. He's waiting for you to finish the story that belongs to you and Connie, but that you had left to him to tell alone. It seems Eren won't allow you to get away with it. So you continue retelling your experience, with the sound of violently snapping wood filling your ears, and all the while you watch Eren slip further away.

He slips, further and further, closer and closer still. He drifts too far, then lurches too close, lapping at your vision, making your hair stand on end.

"And then, uh, Nanaba and uh, Gelgar, they went out to keep fighting, but…"

Sharp flames crackle, glowing blue for just an instant, mixing coldly with seafoam green, burning oil paints smearing thickly together over you. Smething isn't right, something-

"Eren-"

"Yo, look what I found!" How Connie's marching steps snuck up on you, you have no idea, but he drops down next to you and wiggles a sloshing bottle in your face triumphantly, unaware of what he's just walked into. "And I found-" he pulls a smaller bottle from where it was hidden in his jacket, clear and colored with a dark liquid- "this too, thought maybe you should have it," he grins, tossing it over at Eren who catches it deftly, without even really looking, eyes still trained down at the fire before moving slowly to his lap, reading the label for a moment, flames flickering over his features.

"This..." "'S gotta be booze, right? I mean I can't read whatever the hell it says but come on. Look at it."

"Gotta be," Eren repeats lowly, and he swirls the bottle in his hand, rotating the dark liquid inside with slow flicks of his wrist. He blinks at you, gazes over at Connie who grins back at him. "You gonna drink it or not, dude?"

"You don't want any?" Blaze lighting his face, mirrored in his blown pupils, reds and blood oranges blending awkwardly with emerald irises. "I've got this, man." Connie gestures to his own bottle. "Go for it." Eren hesitates for a moment longer before he shrugs and pops the top off of his bottle, taking a swig, expression blank. You watch the bob of his throat as he swallows deep, heavy amber red. When he pulls the bottle away from his mouth Connie is watching him, an eh? expression written on his face. Eren stares at the bottle gripped loosely in his hand.

"'S good."

"Is it? Nice." Connie takes a swig from his own bottle and presents it to you with a smirk. "You want some?" Mischievous challenge plays in the hazel of his eyes, and your brow furrows before you take the bottle from him and take a small drink. It's so strong it feels like the bitterness goes up your nose, and you almost cough as you swallow it down. "How fucking old is this stuff. Ugh." Connie laughs, high pitched and full of snort. "See this is why you have to drink with Jean. I don't know where he finds his shit but this tastes like fuckin' water in comparison." It is, the taste is reminiscent of the bitter taste of sand-muddied salt water. Connie takes the bottle back from you and takes another swig, eyebrow quirked up at Eren from across the flames. “What did I miss?” The question is meant to be light hearted, but Connie’s face is set hard, and you look over at Eren in bewilderment.

It is like looking down from a cliff and seeing raging sea reach for you from below. He is jade water that wants nothing more than to fill your lungs. You don’t know what could have happened in mere moments that could have inspired the hateful glare that reaches across the fire at the two of you, with saturated arms of what seems like aggressive, green jealousy, but Eren just presses the neck of his bottle to his chin and puffs out the strangest laugh you’ve ever heard. “She was just saying how you gave Ymir your knife.” Eren gestures to you with his bottle, and you look over at Connie who meets your gaze, similar anxious confusion in his eyes. “Uh, yeah. I did that.” You concentrate on the fire as Connie tentatively continues the retelling of that early morning while you share the bottle, when the sun breached the horizon and Ymir jumped off the tower with a heated burst of light, hoe she fought on while the rest of you watched on in shock.

“Uh, so then Ymir took out the tower to fight the titans, and-”

“And then we fell.” Your interruption is final: it signals your discomfort, signals your ending of the conversation. Evening has stretched on for so long, for what seems like hours, like too many hours, like if something in the pitch black is holding the sun away from you with large, curling fingers, obscuring sunlight, selfishly keeping you in the dark. Whatever that thing is that clutches the sun refuses to let it go, refuses to let you go until you face that feeling of falling through the sky and never truly landing.

Like an idiot you fight it. You pray to the fire, blurring your vision, imagining that blaze rising from the horizon. Bathing you in warmth and illuminating the dry, solid ground.

"I… have an idea, you guys stay here," Connie mutters after a minute of sitting in silence, and he moves to stand. You stare up at him, puzzled, and almost scream when you feel liquid rush over your calves. It’s the rest of the bottle you and Connie shared, knocked over by him standing. You swallow thickly and grab at his dry pant leg, tugging him back to you. "Where are you going?"

"It's okay, just stay there, I'll be right back." Not again. Not again, you think desperately, already moving to stand, to join Connie and avoid the fear that grows the closer Eren gets, but Eren beats you to it, getting swiftly up to his feet and crossing the space between you, taking your momentary surprise to his advantage and sitting himself next to you, entirely too close as Connie goes entirely too far. "'S hard to hear you from way over there." His voice has never changed, in all this time. Connie's has seemed to deepen, Mikasa's gone a little softer, even Sasha sounds different, changed by time and days shouting excitedly with Jean and Connie.

But not Eren. If you closed your eyes you could imagine the boy you knew before, his shorter hair and his cocky grin, but you don't. You're not sure you feel entirely comfortable enough to close your eyes in front of him right now. "I don't have anything else to say," and it's true, he's too close, you’re too afraid to say anything more, to confront Eren and yourself and the night that drags on endlessly.

For once since this entire trip, Eren's eyes don't meet your own. They linger, dark and heavy, on your mouth. You hear his nails tap gently on his bottle, like soft pattering of rain on stained glass window. He brings the glass to his lips slowly, gaze never leaving your lips as he drinks the liquid, lowering it finally and swirling it all again, around and around, sloshing in the clear vessel. “I don’t either.” His voice is low, his body leans close as he takes another drink. This is memory, this interaction is practiced and familiar. Nights sitting side by side before a crackling fire, sharing drink and touch. It is achingly normal, so jarringly comforting that when Eren takes that sip and leans toward you, you squeeze your eyes shut and let his lips meet your own, parting your lips eagerly when his fingers tio your face upward and his tongue swipes over your bottom lip.

Bitter. Whatever he puts in your mouth is bitter and floods you, thick and warm as it pools onto your tongue, and you almost choke in surprise, keeping the mix of spit and alcohol in your mouth, stunned to stillness. He pulls back from you and smiles, coy and scheming. "Come on, swallow it, don't be a fucking wimp."

That. There he is.

You almost cough with the effort of trying to swallow before your laugh rips through you and you stare at him, palms sweaty, staring into some light that lingers there.

"Eren." He stares back at you, looking almost puzzled, almost dazed by his name on your tongue. "Yeah?" That slow, cocky smirk pulls at his cheeks, pushing through the space between your heart and ribs, making your chest tight. "Hi." He doesn't… blink. But he smiles at your greeting, and you smile back. "Hey." Maybe you're crazy. Maybe you're losing your mind, maybe your fears are all made up in your head and spilling all over him, drenching every benign interaction and poisoning them to make you think that he’s different, to think that he's changed into someone you don’t recognize. You haven't slept well for months after all, and you are sitting in the place that, like boat, brought you to where you are now, suspended in apprehension of something unknown. It would make sense, then, that your fear begins to ebb away the longer you drag recognition from yourself, to recognize his dark brow and high cheekbones as yours, as your friend and companion. Lover drifts at the edge of your mind, and you avert your eyes from him and to the fire.

"You're still not with me, huh?" Your vision darts back to him, to his viridian eyes that look too closely at you. "What?"

Night, the moon high in the sky, the way it shines on you on this crumbled island, each fallen stone around looking like ripples on an otherwise calm sea. He laughs into his glass, downing the rest, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head incredulously. "I don't even know why I'm doing this, I know how this shit plays out." Tiny nails digging again at your stomach, making you lurch away from him. Your stomach swells, like being filled too quickly with water, and you look at him as you begin to feel seasick.

"Eren what the fuck are you talking about?" He stops laughing with a final shaky exhale, grabbing ash from the ground and letting it fall through his cupped fingers, trickling back down onto the ground. His hands emptying slowly, less ash, less ash, disappearing from his hands, leaking back down, streaming through to rest on the breeze and ground. "I'm drunk, I don't know." There is a blush that has come over his features, a drop to his eyes turning his entire face bashful and soft, and you frown, drawn between familiar and foreign. Who is he, if not your friend? You recognize this exact shade of red he gets when he’s this drunk, darker than the red when he's angry, lighter than the shade when he's embarrassed. You know him like every groove and dent in your maneuver gear, like every stray thread in your uniform. You would know him by his hands alone, you would know him by the sound of his self assured footsteps. So why do you struggle to recognize this person before you? And why do you hear this raucous rhythmic sound the closer you are to him, the longer you confront his gaze?

Scraping invades your hearing, making you snap your head over to where Connie is walking over, dragging a large stone over to the two of you, half rolling it along the ground. "Ok so… earlier, when I was…pissing. Or, well, I was going to, but then I found that booze, so I came back over. Which reminds me, I kinda have to-" "Spit it out Connie, you're not making any sense right now." Eren’s little laugh catches Connie by surprise, and he grins back after a moment, looking to you with a smile that you reciprocate tightly. "I just thought, for, ya know, Gelgar and Lynn and the other two, like. They don't… have graves. The least we could do is make something for them. A marker or something, I don't know." Connie rubs at the back of his neck, standing over the two of you awkwardly, short hair shifting slightly with a subtle breeze.

"You guys go ahead." You blink at Eren, and he stares ahead, eyes concentrated on the fire.

"What?" He may be drunk, he may be someone you have a hard time recognizing right now, but Eren has never once been so flippant about honoring the lives of the fallen.

"It's your closure, right? So you guys go ahead. It's not for me."

Wrong. Entirely wrong. The flames grow into a looming tower, high in the night sky, roaring, cracking and crashing and burning everything to ash. "They're, uh, they're definitely his dad's." No, they're not. You never knew Eren's father, but you know they're not the ones facing the fiery blaze. These eyes are new. And they are alien.

He looks to you, then.

You feel the ground going from beneath you, you feel yourself falling, feel it in your gut, in your limbs that go weightless as you stare into the wide green eyes of the unknown.

Stranger.

"Eren-" Heavy hand, on your shoulder again, but this time it's Connie's ushering you away from Eren, away from the fire on the battlements and to the moonlit ruins. "Come on, let's do this, alright? Before we're too tired to." You stare at Connie, his words wading through your ears. Confusion spills over your face as you wonder how he can be okay with this, with what Eren has become. Can he even see it? Can he not hear it? That sound, like something thrashing, like a fish caught in shallow water? Connie rolls his stone down the rubble and it goes cascading down before rolling to a stop on the ground below. He smirks and faces you, self satisfied. “It’s a good size, I thought it would be good at the front.”

“Yeah.” He looks around mischievously at every stone around you, quirking a brow up at you while you hear nothing but that stone rolling over every other one as it went down. “You up for it?” You blink at him, smiling to avoid him worrying. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that, I have a hard time translating the stupid shit you say.” He scoffs, completely unamused and undeterred in his worry. “You’re really bad at hiding shit, you know that? I said I need your help finding three more just like that one, come on man, stay with me here. 'S what we’re here to do, right?” Here to do what, exactly? He finds two more, and you find the final one, pushing it down the rubble, watching it go down, tumbling to the ground below. Here to… place markers? Is that why you returned to the castle, is that what you’re doing, putting fallen soldiers to rest and calling it a night? Is that why Eren brought you to this desolate place? Why did you agree to come? When did you?

“Should we… say something?” The four large stones sit side by side, announcing the place where everything changed, and four soldiers lost their lives.

"I’m sorry. And thank you. We made it because of you.”

You push the memory of shaking Lynn’s thumb off of your boot from your mind.

When you return from setting the four large stones at the entrance to the ruined castle grounds, it’s to a small, withering fire, Eren having left it unattended in favor of sleeping in front of it, chest rising and falling slowly. Seeing him there is like being plunged into winter waters, like frostbite gripping at your heart, and when Connie kicks out the fire, you place yourself as far away from Eren’s sleeping form as you can, and try to close your ears to the sound of those rocks rolling down over the castle remains.

"Can't sleep?" It feels like eternity is interrupted when you suddenly hear Connie's voice cut through the sounds that have almost become ringing at this point in your ears.

You stare up at the stars; hundreds, thousands, blinking at you gently, making your vision blurry.

"You want to talk about it?" He is persistent, you wonder if he's always been that way. Maybe. He is one of the few who have survived for a reason.

"I don't know."

"What do you need?" When you turn your head to see him he looks at you like everything hinges on your answer. Maybe it does. You don't care. You return your gaze to the sky.

*I don't know."

And you don't, that much is true, but the loneliness catches your throat, like a large hand pressing, restricting and making you squeeze your eyes shut in pain. You don't know what you're doing here. You want to go home.

You don't even know where that is anymore.

"I got you, ya know, if you need me. I know it sounds corny but if you need to talk or anything like that I’m here." You turn, then, to face him. His eyes are low, lidded in the dark, any hazel giving way to that deep grey it does in the evening. When, when did Connie become someone willing to hear your problems, to offer you a hand in the dark? You feel strange, then, alcohol from earlier seeming fo stir the contents of your head.

He is the only person who understands what happened that night. But is he? Does he truly grasp the magnitude of the way this ruined castle changed everything? When the beast titan first appeared to you, when Ymir revealed herself as the first outside shifter. When your worlds fell apart with the castle, completely destroyed. No truth you held close was real. Everything was a lie, an illusion. You need to find out, before you find yourself drowned in the shallow of your mind. You wiggle closer to him, and he mirrors you, until you’re in each other’s space, close enough to touch, breathing the same air, like the old days, training deep in the mountains.

"I just… I don't… recognize…"

"Yeah, me neither. I don't really know who I am anymore," Connie laughs, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. That's not what you meant. Though it should be, you don’t mean that you can’t recognize yourself. You mean that you don’t recognize the person Eren has become, and you don’t recognize exactly where you are right now. Everything and everyone around you, unrecognizable, overwhelming you with strangeness, with the feeling of being thrown into water when you can’t swim. The fog in your mind thickens, each fear growing slow and sticky, smudging over your skin like oil. But Connie’s eyes are soft, and they are his, and though he’s changed he seems to know you and see you like you do him.

"Yeah, uh." Your voices drops to a low whisper as Eren sleeps what seems like now too short of a distance away. "I don't think any of us recognize ourselves anymore."

"We've all been through a lot, that's kind of normal, right?" The question seems to be rhetorical, the answer should obvious, but you watch his face as he looks to you, eyebrows just slightly drawn together, searching your expression for reassurance. You have none.

"Yeah."

"We'll… we'll change, but we'll still be us, I think. That won't change."

Drawn, like tide to the moon, like naive fool to hope, to the warmth his words bring, to the way his eyes glow with evening light and linger delicately over your face.

It is the most tender kiss you've ever felt, his lips are entirely too soft, he is entirely too warm under your fingertips.

What are you doing.

His hand comes up, calloused thumb caressing your cheek, sending warmth all over your body, like fire, burning through you like peace from candlelight, calming the noise in your head, making waters recede.

"What was that for?" He asks, brows drawn now even closer together.

"I don't know." He laughs, long and loud, and you push at him to shush him, worried about Eren waking and having to be confronted with his waking face, with the slow blink of his conscious gaze. "You'll wake him up, Connie." He looks at the resting form of your friend and shakes his head a little.

"Oh, it's uh, it's okay. He won't wake up for a while." Your brow furrows.

"You don't know that." Connie rubs the back of his neck, looking almost… sheepish. Guilty.

"Yeah, I kinda do." Something in that hazel makes your stomach turn.

"How?" Connie shrugs, drawing a little away from you, like if shame hides in the aversion of his eyes. "I kinda maybe… put something in his bottle." No, you're not hearing him correctly. All of these sounds that have been plaguing you lately, all of the confusion and overwhelming noise has been getting to you. That's what this is. "What?"

"I got it from the captain, alright, he offered it to you when I told him you don't sleep, but I didn't think you'd go for it, so… I kept it." It starts soft, the headache. Makes your vision start to spin, to become just slightly off balance. "What did you- why would you- what? How?"

"With, uh, well it's-" he pulls a small bottle from his coat pocket and you stare at the half empty thing incredulously. "Are you serious?" He recoils from your outburst, face looking as though you struck him. "Is it really that big of a deal? He's gonna be fine okay, he'll probably even feel better in the morning, hopefully."

"I-" you drank some, you want to say with anger, but then what does it matter. You don't feel any different, other than the buzz of alcohol sitting heavy in your gut and skull. A little off, maybe, a little like you're swimming in your own thoughts. But you can't tell if it's from the bottle you shared with Connie or the one you shared with Eren. You stare incredulously at him, beyond words. "Why? Why would you do that to him? You think this shit is a funny prank Connie?"

"No! I did it because he looked like he needed it! And I know he'd say no, so I just. Ya know. Did it." Your glare doesn't let up, you don't allow it to, even with the pulsing behind your eyes. "And that's it?"

"Well yeah, not- I didn't mean it like- I didn't plan- you kissed me!" He sputters his response out in flustered defense, and you sigh, shaking your head and trying to clear the fog that begins at the corners of your mind, drifting forward, right behind your eyes. Be it drug or alcohol or headache, but something is warping your thoughts, lightening you and weighing you down all at once. "Yeah, I know. It's okay."

"I can fuck off, if you want, if you're mad at me." The thought of Eren's eyes opening in the middle of the night and meeting yours as you lay alone and defenseless triggers an emotion that feels less like fear and more like disgust. The steady pounding creeps up, tickling at your eardrums. You move closer to him, shaking your head slowly. "No, it's… it's okay. Really. It's okay." It isn't. You feel like you're going out of your body, drifting up to the stars, falling down beneath the ground. Suspended in every state that isn't here, now. You need to be grounded. So you shift closer to him and feel him under you, solid under your roaming hands, listen to the way his breath hitches, feel how your touch spurs him to bring his hands to your cheeks, to bring you closer to him to kiss again. Every touch is an anchor, every press of his lips to your own, every place of contact is what keeps you from drifting off. You need more. You need more, as the feeling of weightlessness grows, as your hands taking off his shirt don't keep your head from feeling light, from feeling like you're not here, or there, or anywhere.

Maybe your panic soaks him like cold water through your fingertips, or through your expression, but he draws you closer, his hands going under the hem of your shirt, warm caresses that heat you like the sun, like the warm earth on a summer afternoon.

"We're gonna be okay, alright? Everything's gonna be okay." His voice seems to grow distant and you press closer, fighting the fear coursing through you, unwilling to succumb to the feeling of falling.

You shouldn't.

When his lips meet yours again your eyes flutter closed.

That's what you tell yourself, when he moves to kiss you from between your parted thighs, when you lift your arms for him to remove your shirt gently, when his hands cup at your breasts with a soft touch and you arch forward into it with a shaky sigh. Maybe it's the exhaustion that grants you the courage to push yourself against him, to pull the groan from his lips into your mouth with the shifting of you hips while Eren lays next to you, sleeping.

Your eyes open when he leans closer to drag open mouthed kisses along your jaw.

At first you disregard it as a shadow.

And then you catch his eyes.

"Eren?"

He's still asleep," Connie grumbles into your neck, and you shake your head minutely. Water is rushing in all around you, numbing over your skin, and you're frozen by it.

It is, it's him. He smiles from his seat in the dark, lips slowly pulled away from teeth and gum.

"Oh, Connie-" your hand flies to his chest, you're not sure what to do but push him away from you, and when Connie's eyes follow your own he freezes. Eren, sitting on the rubble, watching you both, with a smile you've never seen before on his face.

"What?"

You look back to him, eyes wide, icy waves pressing against your eyes, pulling tears from them that pool at your lashline.

"What? What do you mean, what? It's-" it's Eren, leaning back on stone, sitting like a crouched predator watching prey, like if he knows something is terribly, horribly wrong here.

Because it can't possibly be him. Because Eren is, without a doubt, laying next to you, far gone to sleep.

"It's what? You're creeping me out!" There is genuine fear in his voice for the thing that isn't there, but in his eyes is only reflected your own terrified face. He's serious, he doesn't see him. "It's-" wildy you gesture over, and he looks again, but this time there truly is nothing to see. Eren is gone. You stare at the pile of rubble again, mouth open and the salt of sweat prickling painfully under your palms. Somewhere above a bird flutters past, rhythmic wing beats sounding deafening, making you flinch.

"Okay seriously, you're really freaking me out." Connie's hands still on your waist, thumbs rubbing small circles under your shirt. "We don't have to do this, you don't have to make shit up to-"

"I'm not!" Your shout startles even you, and your eyes both snap to Eren laying down. But like Connie promised, the rise and fall of his chest stays steady. He doesn't stir. Connie takes one of your hands from his chest, threading your fingers together slowly. "Then you're probably really tired. We can just sleep, okay? We don't have to-" You don't know what possesses you to shut him up with your mouth, you're not sure if it's the alcohol or whatever it is that you swallowed from Eren, or if it's the fear of Connie pulling away from you and leaving you alone with whatever you just saw. But you do, you press your lips to his firmly and push your tongue into his mouth forcefully, pulling a low groan from him, effectively interrupting his train of thought for a moment. But he is, like he was or is now, persistent.

"I'm serious, you're probably-"

"Take your pants off." Connie blinks down at you, surprise on his face before he blushes a little pink. "Are- are you sure?" But you're already wiggling from under him to get your own pants off. "Yes, hurry up, come on, please." He scrambles at your pleading, standing and removing his clothing before coming back down to you, bare between your thighs. His warm hands run over your skin, feather light. "Is this okay?" He whispers, and you can almost take no more. The longer he hesitates, the more you feel yourself floating up, becoming a twinkling star in the sky above you. "Keep asking and I'll change my mind," you joke softly, and Connie laughs again, shaking his head before hanging it and exhaling an unsteady sigh, his cock standing thick between the two of you. "Stop acting like me checking in on you is a waste of t- oh shit." Your hand closes around his tip of his dick, gently spreading prespend over his length and reveling in the warmth of it, stroking him loosely. "I was in the middle of saying something," he mutters lowly, and then he spits, spits on his dick and your hand closed around it. You still your movements in surprise and he looks down at your naked form, cheeks tinged darker than Eren's when he's angry. "Sorry, I should've asked if-"

"More." You don't recognize your own voice, breathy and pitched up with want, and drug. Connie's dick twitches weakly in your hand at your whispered plea.

"More?"

"More."You need to be covered in him, inundated by him, to be distracted from it all by him surrounding you, drowning you in him. “Come on, Connie, give me more,” you breathe, dragging your wet hand down his chest, and he shakes his head with a breathy laugh. “You say shit like that with such a cute voice, like you know what you’re doing.” You almost whine at him, desperate and impatient, but he obliges you before you can, mouth dropping open to drool thick over you, messy with it, all between your thighs, rubbing it into your sticky folds with his palm and pushing his cock into you as you squirm, needing more, all over you, everything from him heating you up, fireplace to your shivering form.

“This what you want?” He leans over you, dragging his hand up your navel, spreading the mixture of your fluids up, squeezing your breast hard with slippery fingers. “Yes,” you sigh, lurching up into his hold, and he takes the opportunity your open mouth presents to spit into it while he presses his cock deeper into you, your eyes pinching shut on a choked cry as his spit fills your mouth, thick and warm and still tasting lightly of bitter alcohol. The way you clench down around him punches the air out of him and forces him in to the hilt, stretching you further as you convulse around him. “Oh fuck, that was stupid brave, I didn’t know what I was going to do if you hated that,” he mutters, and you puff a laugh through your nose, drunk on him, and whatever is coursing through your veins. "Can you swallow that for me?" His question is almost a whine, and you do, you swallow thickly, and when you open your eyes again he's there.

His hair is longer, you can see that now. His face is harder. He is every bit the stranger you saw hiding in his eyes, flickering before you in that fire.

You don't scream. You don't make a sound, really. It's no use. He just watches you. And you watch back. The look on his face is indescribable, you've only ever seen that look once before.

When he came out of confinement with Mikasa, his father's memories having become his. Connie catches your gaze and looks over again, and then looks back to you, bumping his nose against your own, pulling out and then pushing back into you, drawing your focus back to him. "Come on, over here. Relax." You're brought back to his eyes, gone dark in the evening, focused only on you, devoid of any fear. He hadn't seen anything but fragmented rock.

It's easier, then, to pretend that he isn't real, that you're imagining him- that whatever Connie put in Eren's drink must have had enough of an effect that it has you hallucinating. That it's your guilt made manifest as you give yourself to Connie, with the only Eren being the one asleep a few feet away from you.

That the man sitting before you, tapping his cheek with his index finger, isn't real.

But it feels real, the sight of the mirage observing you filling you with some sick fear, with scared nerves that have you on edge, that excite you, that have you gushing around Connie's length, pulling a low curse from him, pulling him further in as he claims you over and over. Morbid lust and need to rid yourself of the illusion mix dangerously, pushing you to lift your hips to meet each of Connie's thrusts desperately, to feel the drag of his cock inside you deeper, to ground you further as he gasps lowly and reaches an arm to your lower back to support you, firm hand distracting from the eyes that watch you.

You beg him for more, and he is persistent with obligation, bringing a hand to cup the back of your head and kissing you fiercely, coaxing your mouth open to be spit into again, this time messier, running hot down your lips and chin to your neck, and then he digs his fingers deep into your mouth, coating them in a mixture of your spit and moving them to your clit, rubbing at it wetly as you buck your hips up and squeal.

He doesn't say anything, you don't know if it's a mercy or a punishment your mind is giving you, but Eren doesn't open his mouth. He just watches from across the battlements, face completely still as you're pushed along the ground repeatedly.

“Shit, can- can you do me a favor?” Connie asks breathlessly as he grinds into you, and you nod, almost frantic with it, eyed darting back to him as you try to fight the light feeling in your head.

"Stop looking over there," he huffs as he draws back and grips the backs of your thighs, almost pulling out completely as he pushes them against you, folding you in half and resting his hips heavily against you, "and stop moving so much." He pants out that request, giving it to you as more of a warning before he drools over your cunt, soaking it and then setting a brutal pace that makes you cry out, taking his cock impossibly deeper, presence of mind coming back to you with the rapid slam of his warm hips against your own, drawing you sharply to the way he reaches a spot within you that is like striking flint over and over. You both feel it then, the hug of your walls around him, the way your cunt starts to tighten around him, the way your pleasure starts to reach its festering peak.

"Oh, I'm-"

"You're okay. I've got you, I- ah- I've got you-"

He collapses over you as it rushes out like water, washes over you, flooding you, pulling you under, orgasm a rip current that drowns you, that has you gasping for air, squeezing your eyes shut, scratching for the surface on Connie's back. He hisses and groans, with pain from your clawing or pleasure from your cunt spasming around him you can't be sure, you don't even know how you hear him over the sound of deafening water filling your ears, but you do. He fucks you through your suffocating high, forcing air back into your lungs with each desperate rut as you clench around him, deep and rough until he makes a sound deep in his throat and pulls away from you, leaving you empty as you blink your eyes back open blearily, stroking himself to release above you with a shaky sigh, a muttered "oh, fuck," escaping his lips. It spills over your stomach and chest, warm and thick while he grips your thigh with his other hand so tightly his knuckles go pale.

All of this you see and feel in your peripheral. Your eyes are trained on the pile of rubble that sits vacant.

He cleans you with a flask of water and his jacket, pressing a small kiss to your forehead gently, and you almost recoil from it, staring with nausea at the water rushing down your torso. "You okay?" He's gone. He's really gone. Your head doesn't feel any more clear, but the sounds have lessened, and he is, at least, gone. The aftermath of what you've done now that the hallucination is gone roots into your joints, makes your movements cold and stiff. "I'm fine."

You redress and lay next to Connie without saying a word, and he doesn't either. He allows you this, distance and time, as you press your ear to the ground and like a shell hear water rushing from it. With the sound of that persistent roar and Connie’s chest pressed to your back you fall into a fitful slumber.

Morning is dark.

Could it even be called morning, you wonder as you stare up at the inky black above you, stars twinkling on the surface, flickering in and out of sight. "What fucking time is it?" Connie's voice is a low gravel next to you, and it fuels some unease within you. What time was it? Why do you feel like you slept for a century and woke up to the exact same starry sky you fell asleep to? Connie had draped his arm over you at some point in his sleep, and he retracts it slowly, pushing himself up to a seated position, looking over at the horizon with a worried expression.

"You guys up?" Startled doesn't begin to describe your feeling, shocked cold and viciously alarmed is more like it as you hear Eren's voice behind you. "Yeah." You don't dare turn to look at him. "I'm… gonna wait for the sunset, I think. You wanna come?" A stupid question, really, one that you struggle to hear over some kind of gurgling in your ears, you scramble to your feet before Connie even gets the chance to stand.

"You guys go ahead." Those same words, repeated with a voice that never changed. You can't run away fast enough, movements feeling like fighting against a current as you rush to get out, away, anywhere but here. The two of you clamber over the rubble, making way to the eastern side of the battlements, where you sit and wait for the sun with nerves thrumming, legs jerking with anxiety.

“You think he’ll be okay?” you whisper, shoving your clammy hands into Connie’s lap. He leans against your side without a word. His silence is more of an answer than you bargained for.

The sun refuses to rise. The two of you wait together, gazing at a horizon that only seems to grow darker. His touch isn't enough, the sound of waves comes creeping up, like approaching the beach on the slow stride of horseback.

"You ready to head back?" Surprise rips hot, fear and guilt thrumming through you, making Connie searing coal, burning your hands as you retract them hastily and look over at Eren, at his form leaning a shoulder against the battlements like if he'd been there all along. "Hey, uh, yeah man, we-" Connie's stuttering voice drowns out, the sound of crashing slowly filling your ears, and you can't tell if it's stone or wave.

Connie's face, you don't ever think you've seen that look before. There was the battle at Trost, where death was sure, the near end of his life on the very castle you stand on, the retaking of Shiganshina. No fear compares to the one you see on his face now.

"Uh, Eren? Who is that behind you?"

That silhouette lingering behind him is so much like a shadow you almost don't see it at first. But it is there, peering over his own shoulder, watching you.

"Eren?"

He takes a step forward, your Eren, the one you know more, and stares.

Eyes that are foreign to you look at your guilty hands and past them, to you, through you, to the castle ruins inside you.

Who is the stranger here?

Is it him? Is he the one who changed?

Or is it you?

Loud, the battering sound, seemingly going on forever, filling your ears, you mind, your bones. Something, something is falling, again and again, repetitive sound of a thousand tides coming to shore eroding at you.

How large are you, the rock? Or have you already crumbled into innumerable pieces, have you fallen to shore and become sand? When did you stop being whole? What parts of you broke off, and when?

Or did you come undone wholly and suddenly, like every stone of Utgard, did you collapse along with it-

Did you die?

Should there have been five markers you made for those that passed that day, or six or seven or eight or nine?

Who are you?

When was the last time anyone said your name?

Everything is slipping, Historia is screaming, or you are, you're unsure and you're falling, fuck you're falling, and you're going to die, you're going to fall and they're going to grab you from the air, fat hot fingers reaching out, snatching at you, nails-

Cool.

The sand is cool beneath your palms. It gets stuck in the spaces between your fingers, cushions your seat on the small beach. Moon glows, high in the sky, low on the water, bouying over the dark, ever changing surface of the sea. Salt flecked wind blows through your hair.

Green. His eyes are still green in the darkness.

He's not looking at you, you're not entirely sure where he's looking as he stands above you on the shore. What was that feeling, where were you hands just now, why, why does the sand feel so raw and new? "E… ren?"

Rushing black waves, lunging out at you, pulling you close, pulling you in, digging into your ears, hollowing you out.

Haven't you been here all night?

Connie sits next to you, mouth gaping open, staring up at him, looking like he's asked a question he already has the answer to.

Why do you feel as though you've left this spot? What day is it?

Boots running mutely on sand catch your attention, and you can already see her in your mind. There is rippling muscle behind you, calloused hands, short hair tickling a deep scar you know she has on her cheek.

Why do you feel like you've been somewhere, somewhere very far away from here?

"Eren, where were you, I was looking everywhere for-" Connie looks up at her, standing quickly and shakily to his feet, glancing down at your still form.

"Mikasa, we- have we-"

You realize, then, with a gentle clarity, what that feeling was that you spent so long chasing after with your eyes on the open ocean. You had hoped that it was something like excitement, something like wonder or a muddled awe.

Something catches your eye as you stare blankly over the water. Where the moon's reflection dances on the ocean's waves, it seems to be disturbed. Something disrupts that dance far out, where a castle looks like it looms ruined in the middle of the sea.

There is a ship on the horizon.

That feeling was nothing all along but, sick, wet dread.

Wide green eyes of a stranger lock with yours. He's smiling, just enough so that you alone can see.

"They're here."

#my god... I am so tired LMFAO #also my prayer is that no one reads this #I'm gonna fucking bury it in reblogs shdoahdiwn #I hate it!!! I'm gonna be honest!!!!!#but it is my first ever fic.... go easy on me people #oh!!!#connie x reader #there so if. you know. people want to be traumatized LMFAOOOOO #[love for all fics]#will this be my writing tag? probably!#what is scarier than a late ass submission ammirite 💀💀💀#OCTOBER IS OVER!!! I FUCKED UP SO BAD 💀💀💀💀#cc........ I'm sorry wifnwinfowbdi #did I proof read before posting?#NO it's 5 a.m. on a Monday LMFAO #we die like (titan squished) men!!!!!#gonna bury this fic in reblogs bc I hate it I'm gonna be honest #also posting at the ASS CRACK of dawn for a reason #why did I think I could write.... who do I think I am.... fucking moron.....

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