#I really wish i recored that

[mare-the-silly-scroingle]

i keep trying to vocalize this but i fuck it up every time so just a very cut and dry ramble but like. sparing the long explanations i keep giving i grew up economically privileged so maybe im an asshole forthinking abt this but. im not sure how i feel abt my gf going to a luxury spa or whatever after implying that her mom might have kicked out an underage tenant for not paying rent? like im not irrational i get how that works also i don't know if i can really act like her and i use money differently but like. also. uh. not sure i love how we just moved on from that bit and she's buying like $500 worth of clothes. is that a dick thing i fele like im being a dick

[scrubbinn]

Mimic HRT: 17 months “Sea legs”

“Did you really need to bring a recorder here? It's an aquarium hun. Do you really plan on interviewing yourself here?”

“It's not that, Abi. I just, with how bad my memory is, I want to make sure I have something to remember this moment.” 

“And you chose a recorder instead of a video camera because…?”

“I really want to eat the fish. This way I get to focus on your beautiful voice when I listen back.”

“...Gay.”

“Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Kiss me maybe?”

“Maybe later. Come on, I want to get to the underwater tunnel before it closes! I know it's Hyper city, but it's really cool to see so many therians here. Back in Canada, I'm lucky if I see one in a week.”

“There's a lot of us, yeah.”

“Is something wrong?”

“It’s nothing, just a little sad is all… Ok ok, I’ll talk, stop making that face, haha It’s just that, yeah there are a lot of us around. Still feels like we never get treated properly. We’re either freaks or walking tourist spots. I know things will get better eventually, but it's. I really wish I could figure out how to shapeshift into a more convincing human."

“You spent how long on this medication and now you're trying to look human again?”

“It's just useful, that's all. Besides, it's not like I have the right to call myself otherkin… Ow! Don't flick me hun, my skin is sensitive, and you could lose a finger!”

“stop overthinking things. Enjoy your time here and if anyone calls you out, then I'll kick their ass.”

“Thanks, but please don't fight anyone for me. No offense, but you're not exactly capable of doing damage to people hun… ow, ok ok stop it, ah! Haha, cut it out!”

“I'm not gonna stop until you start treating yourself better. You're my mimic girlfriend! You get to decide what you are and no one gets to tell you otherwise. Also! You have a bunch of other people here who would defend you like… is that a werewolf over there? Next to the robot and… um.”

“Pretty sure that's a cyborg, and also that looks like a black arms member?”

“Wait, like the-

“Abi, we're currently having a date in an interdimensional dead end, looking at fish that do not exist in our universe, and I'm pretty sure that fish over there is a badnik. It's really not that strange.”

“That's… fair.. I guess… Hey hun, I'm gonna go grab some ice cream real quick.”

“We're half way through the tunnel already. You sure you want to go all the way back?”

“I'll be quick, just stay put.”

Bzzzt, crackle, Welcome to the wonderful world of Hyperquarium! Thank you for choosing us as the one and only place that can bring fish together from around the worlds in perfect harmony! If you look to our left, you'll see our trained feeder get a chance to show off those gills and show you what only a shark therian can do, he's a professional so don’t worry about being bitten kids. This therian knows how to take care of others. This is also a reminder not to touch the glass as you may spook our feeder.

“Ugh, great, just what I needed, feeling insulted over an intercom. Why does getting second hand insulted have to feel worse? I'm definitely cutting this part from the recor- OW, OH STARS, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE… slithering, um, miss, are you ok?”

“Oh- I’m so sssorry I didn’t mean to, I sswear! This tail just gets sso long by now it’s… difficult for me to control at times. I uh… You haven’t seen any other Lamias around by chance? Or some people in brown uniformss?”

“Uniforms? You’re not on the run or something right? And no, I haven’t seen any other Lamias around, You’re actually the first I’ve ever really had a chance to see. I kind of thought I’d see more with how popular you guys are. But seriously are you alright?... 

Is- is that a shock collar around you?”

“Well… Yes and no- Yes thisss is a shock collar… okay uh- we’re not suppossed to call them that uh… It’s a.. “behavioral correction device”... But yess it’s a shock collar. And no, I'm not on the run… quite the opposite actually… I had a bit of an episode and lost myself in some instincts when watching the fish… and the next thing I know my group is gone and I'm.. I’m not supposed to be away from the group and… if I don't get back soon I might be in a bit of… ah ssscrew it they’re gonna be mad at me anyway… “

“So then… I know a good hiding spot to watch the fish if you want to hide a bit longer. I mean, if that’s ok, and I won’t get in too much trouble, and you won’t get in too much trouble, and I think I’m stumbling over my words, You want to just go hang out in the jellyfish room? It’s pretty dark there and they don’t allow any kind of outside lights in there.”

“Y-yeah that sounds nice! Low lightss could help with that headache. Uhm, what’s your name if i may assk?”

“It's Mayday, and what about you? What's your name?”

“Ah my name-.. It’s uh… oh wait.. I…hmm…Right! Aria… I think. I… am still not sure if I should change it… it’s uh.. complicated.”

* * *

“The jellyfish are really cool, just floating around with not a care in the world. I guess I get why humans find them so boring, but I think they're just not seeing how nice it would be. You know?”

“I totally get what you mean. Just being able to be you… going with the flow of thingss.. Not a care in the world. But that’s just something that therians like us can fully understand… other than the other animals of coursse right?”

“I'm guessing you're past your own crossroads then, like me, based on your words at least. You wouldn't mind if I asked you some questions would you? It's a bit selfish to ask after dragging you here, but I need to know something.”

“Ah well-... i am still “crossssing” it… doc said it will go on for another month or three… maybe longer they are all very vague about this stuff. But sure, I can try to answer to the besst of my ability.”

“So, what do you think of those that don't take that next step? Like the ones that decide they want to stay human in some way, aren't they cheating or something. Like they got to have their cake and eat it too, isn't it a bit unfair? I mean, look at you, you're getting escorted around in a collar by guards, and then we- they get to walk around with not a care in the world.”

“I don’t think that it’ss cheating… It is my choice to go through with it… and in the end I will be what I alwayss wanted to be… fully in both mind and sspirit. This of course will come with quite a few burdens… I am already forgetting so much that I would have loved to remember… But I alsso gain so much more which is just hard to desscribe. All I can hope for is that I ssomehow end up remembering all the faces of the ones that helped me get sso far… or at least ssome other kind of connection.  Those that however stay human to ssome degree have their own struggless to live with. For some it’s never being able to fully control yourself, alwayss having that bit in them that shines through and reminds them that they are sstill “incomplete” which can be a lot on their mind. In the end we all go our own ways, face our own struggless. No sside has it any easier I think than the other, it’s just… different, and you have to choose for yourself which sstruggles you want to deal with in the end. What you yourself think you are able to handle better. For me it was that I was just afraid that I couldn't control the animalistic sside of myself… I could just not live in this sstate i was in, i wanted to fully become me, hoping that it will set me free of the fearsss and anguish that my humanity brings me. But I know what it can cosst me… what it already has… still I weighed my options and decided that this is the best option for myself.  But if you think that where you are now is what is the best option for you, then no one should hold it against you, not even yourself… Does that make ssense?

“Wow, call me out huh. I guess I'm not as good at hiding these sorts of things as I thought. I technically went too far before I lightened my dosage. It left me, broken. Things don't feel right for either side, and I have things I just- there are things I can't let go of no matter how much I want this. It's like I'm splitting apart and I can't figure out how to be anything correctly. I'm not really Mayday, I lost all my memories in my first year. It should have been the perfect excuse to continue forward, but then I got to know Mayday's friends and family. And... I liked them, I liked them alot, I love some of them. I barely know them and when I met them for the first time it just felt right and they were crying like I died and. I can't put them through that. Not a second time. This human side of me just won't let go. I'm putting others before my own happiness again. I'm undermining your sacrifice, being a coward. Sorry I'm ruining your trip aren't I. I'll get out of your scales for you.”

“No wait! It’s okay, I’m used to doing thisss… sort of. Uhm sso… before I got put with the other Lamia’s… I was part of a group that… helped each other… there iss someone there that's a lot like you… multiple actually.. While they did not lose their memories… they stayed partly human too.. They did not continue like I did. Anyway, you’re a lot braver than me, I think.  You… lost your memoriess and still decided to stay with the ones that love you now and before, I don’t think I could have done the ssame. You’re still happy with them now aren’t you? I mean… the way you said it, it’s not just others happiness at stake but your own too. Sso… heh.. I don’t really know where I'm going with thiss but I think you’re brave.”

I can't believe I'm talking about all this with a complete stranger, solidarity is a powerful thing. Who knows, maybe we did know each other at some point and just forgot. But thanks. It doesn't fix how I feel, but it's a good bandage for now. In the meantime we can watch the Jellyfish together until you're ready to go back… Did you hear that announcement a little while back? Nice to see therians getting hired here but way to not only turn it into another tourist spot, but also insult all of us at the same time. Can you believe they actually said all that?”

“Oh my god yesss! How do you actually manage to be ssupportive and a total a-hole at the same time!? Urgh… It’s not just here though… god the way they sometimes announce our exhibit is just… urgh something about staying on the paths and not getting too close without sssupervision… like-... As if they don’t almosst OVERFEED us before so we aren’t even in the mood to hunt… and then these stupid collarsss too.. Sigh I thought this stuff is to make us get away from the negative ssstigma.. Not FEED into it..”

“Wait, I'm sorry, did you say exhibit? Like as in… you're part of a zoo attraction? Y'know, if I was still human, I would be throwing up at that. Is that why you're wearing a collar?! That can't be legal. Like when you say exhibit, you mean like they put you in walls that you can’t ever leave without people acting like handlers? That's disgusting!”

“Ah-... y-yeah? Well okay, it ssounds bad when put like that but… okay that's uh kinda the best option? It was either… have ssome other person keep me like a pet.. Definitely no, be put into the wilds far away from civilization and be not allowed within a certain disstance of any human civilization… also big nono in my eyes.. or… Join the lamia exhibit in the zoo. I’d still be allowed to see my friends… or, well, have them visit me at leasst… I can help fix the kinda negative view people have of Lamias ssince most think of the evil folklore… or video games…  I get to live with others of my kind in a gated community… food is taken care of… healthcare too… kinda… Honestly it was the besst of the options I was given… All I gotta deal with is people looking at uss all day… the stupid collarsss, handlerss… yeah… Maybe one day laws change, that we do not have to sign some legal ownership document stuff and can be free in the city as well… but until then… that’s how it hass to be.”

“I guess I understand, but that just sounds horrible to me. You can put up with a lot, if that’s what you're handling every day. Speaking of, are you going to be ok? Either your guards find us and something bad happens to you, or I jump in and take the blame for essentially kidnapping this zoo's pet. Either option doesn't sound particularly fun. Stars, I thought after finishing this transition I wouldn't have to deal with all this negativity. Somehow Hyper city ended up being just as bad as back home, only it's bad in different ways. This sucks. Is there really no other option that's better? I thought that lamias had intelligence comparable to humans, are your instincts really so strong that you'd endanger humans around you?”

“Don’t worry, they are gonna be quite mad at me, and i’m probably going to have to wait quite ssome time before they allow me my next outside trip… but as long as I sstay put, and don’t get in any situation that could be interpreted as me being a danger… they will probably not use the shock collar when they find me.  Well… the besst outcome would have been if at least they put my legal ownership to one of my friendss but… I wouldn't have wanted them to see me sslowly forget who I was and all the other legal stuff it brings with it… not to mention that most of them are therianss on HRT themsself so the state probably would gatekeep that somehow too. And please don’t put the blame on yourself, that would probably give a hefty fine if not jail time… rather leave the option open to see you again at the exhibit than have you banned from it. At leasst then I get visitors I know and like! And as for our insstincts… It’s difficult… yes they can be overwhelming but they get more manageable after the crossroads… At least that's what I heard from a friend. Ssomething about being more aware of them subconsciously. But for our intelligence being comparable to humans, that's true but mix it with our statuss being non human… and laws haven’t developed that far yet… we are basically categorized as animals. And with people being afraid of our fangs, ssnake parts and all that, I don't see it changing soon.”

“Oh that is so gross, I can't believe the universe would let something like that even happen. Sometimes I wish I could just bite anyone who ticked me off. But you're probably right. About everything I guess. I hate the idea of a place like that existing, but I'd rather not get in trouble and not have the chance to talk again. You're strangely nice to talk to, also I don't think I could afford bail if I got arrested. I probably would lose my chance to work with Erian if that happened. Maybe I can do some protesting in front of city hall instead… I also want to ask about that old support group of yours, and also… hm, maybe I shouldn't chew your ear off right. If you don't get into too much trouble, we could meet up to chat more? I'll make today up to you, if the zoo allows it I could get you a plush at the gift shop.”

“Ah-.. uhm… no… trust me that you do NOT want that… it’ss… no… you’ll not forget the taste… ever… *sigh* Anyway thank you that’s nice to hear, you’re also a lot of fun to talk to. A nice change of pace. Protesting could help! Make our voice heard~  I’d love a visit and another chance to talk too! The plushie would be lovely. As for my old ssupport group.. Yeah they are nice, you should really go and talk to them. We have an online presence so jusst look for… Therian THEMS support group!  There’s… a… white tiger… her name… uh… damn come on i know thissss… white tiger… and… brown… nghhh… come on COME ON I KNOW their… their namessss i know them…”

“Don't worry, it's fine. I live at THEMS actually, I didn't realize they had a support group. I sort of never checked around, and don't worry, I don't actually bite people… usually. Come on, we can try to sneak over to the gift shop and… um hey Aria, sorry if it's rude to ask but, well it's just a thought is all. Have you had a chance to see what you look like?”

“I-... I’m sssorry it’s… yeah. Yeah let’ss get there… Wait what i look like?... Now that you mention it… I kinda forgot my own face… not really any mirrorss around in the enclosure… we usually help each other with hairstyling and so on. Why do you ask?”

“Would you like to see yourself right now?”

“I… I mean sure? Iss there like a mirror around here or…”

“Supplemental: I had Erian’s help splicing the tapes together, He’s good with old stuff like this. I wanted to add this to better describe the scene. I want no possible chance I will forget this..

Ok, here goes. Descriptor: Morphing like that felt nice, I’d never done anything like that before, but, it just worked out. It felt like body and mind actually agreeing for the first time since I became a mimic. The faint pale glow of the jellyfish felt like it was a radiant sun illuminating not just the room but my shifting form. My mind felt complete. Sharp. Morphing into something with my human remains and mimic self in agreement for the first time. This state of change I went through, this was what I was meant to have. I could feel my legs twist and fuse into a tail that grew longer and longer. Teeth moved from my body and incorporated into fangs and claws. I could feel the chemical reaction inside of me as poison turned to venom. I never looked away, I didn't close my eyes. I just kept looking back at Aria, understanding every crease and shine in her scales. It was then I finally realized how much I had always wanted to be a mimic. This felt correct. The feeling faded eventually, but I knew I had morphed myself into a perfect copy of Aria, because when I looked at her I felt happy. Did the medication somehow know this is what I truly needed? I need more time to think. End supplemental.”

“Thisss- You’re- I- woah! This is uh- I’m sssorry I’m blown away by thiss! This is what I look like!? Wait before that- You’re a shapeshifter? I- Oh my. Thank you! I-... this feels a bit weird to asssk someone that currently looks like my exact twin but-... can i… you know… give you a hug for thisss!? I mean… looking at you it’ss… looking at everything i ever wanted to be I-... sssorry that wass a weird thing to asssk someone i jusst met earlier I-... Thanksss”

“You can give us a hug if you like. We don't mind being ssstrangers. Oh, we do that too, interessting. Eheheh, but yesss, you may hug.”

“Yeah you get usssed to it~ Okay then uh-... here we go. Thank you.”

“I think I hear people coming. I need to change back before any of those guards see two of you. Glad you enjoyed getting to hug a squishier version of yourself. I must feel like a marshmallow. Oh wait, I think my partner is gonna kill me if I leave her waiting any longer.”

“Haha~ I guess we both are going to get our ears chewed off by ssome people. It wass very nice getting to meet and talk to you Mayday, and I hope to see you again! Just… don’t take it to heart if I end up having to assk your name again or… worsse okay? Oh- and if you meet the people from the ssupport group… tell them i sssaid hi.”

“Will do, you better stay safe then, and don’t you dare end up regretting your choice, you got that! Enjoy your new life, and hopefully it won’t just be within a zoo someday. If you ever need to ask my name again, then I’ll be sure to ask yours as well. I look forward to meeting you again Aria the lamia.”

“Yes, I will do my besst to do that. I look forward to meeting you again too, Mayday the Mimic.”

* * *

“Abi, I’m back!”

“Oh my god where were you! I called like eight times! I thought something might have happened to you!”

“Sorry, sorry, I got caught up in a weird situation, I met a new friend I guess. You’d like her. she was really nice… Ok, yeah I’ll make it up to you. Really sorry for making you worry like that. Let’s go out to eat. This place kinda sucks. What about that sushi place you wanted to go to a couple months ago! I’ll pay for it.”

“You seem awfully cheery all of a sudden

“I just figured out who I am. That’s all.”

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Start - Prev - Next

Hey, hope you enjoyed what I think is the longest chapter by far. Normally I try to stick with two pages of text to get something that most people can keep their attention on. Not really possible here.

I'd like to take this time to thank @ariathelamia for collaborating with this chapter. She's so cool and you should go follow her right now. Do it right now. Do not finish reading this part until you double check you are following her and reading her Lamia HRT story!

Anyway, I'd also like to point out the cameos/mentions for Tiger HRT and ??? HRT by @tigergirltail and @home-sweet-hive, respectively. Both are extremely good and give me the inspiration to continue writing this story every single day. This story would have probably stopped around the fifth or sixth part without them. So you should go read those stories right now as well. Do it. Seriously though, thank you so much for reading. Have a wonderful day.

-Navi

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Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315

@aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywyne, @glitchgloop

[aphidclan-clangen]

here is my attempt at a fanfic this is literally the first time I’ve done this lol. I hope it’s passable cause I suck at grammar and it’s probs a but confised and this was my first time writing with neopronouns so I hope I didn’t mess that up! Anyway here is my mess of a fanfic

I think of all the things I should’ve said all things that i did and I all i feel is emptiness.

It’s been 2 moons since you’ve been gone.

I… We all miss you.

Here I got you some lilacs for decoration as I couldn’t have your grave looking drab! As well  as a mouse I know that was your favorite…

I got with Blisswhistle or as u call him Whistledick. Guess you were right about me being gay for rai huh?

And things are great I mean you being gone is terrible but Blisswhistle is helping me through that rai’s really good at it I mean rai is the medicine cat but even with those standards rai’s still the best! And rai makes me feel just so happy! I wish you could’ve been here to see us actually together I mean you tease that shit out of me but it’d still be great.

You know I still remember the day you joined us in this dumb little mess of a clan it was just a regular day till your dad, who for the recored is getting some constantly, showed up and dropped u off with us and he couldn’t have given us a better kit! You were brave, sweet in your own special way of course and you always made me laugh… I miss that…

If you were worried about the kits they’re good! Stormkit wears feathers now and she looks good with them too! She’s been hanging out with Blisswhistle recently I think the two are becoming friends.

We recently met your attackers while out on patrol… I wanted to go for their throats but Pearlstar wouldn’t let me I mean star was right about it but it still pissed me off that we can’t avenge you. I promise you one thing though one way or another I’ll get them back. I’ll make them pay… 

WOAH sounds like I’m going on a villain arc. Does… this make you my backstory. Goldshine laughed to starself sure this would have made Lilacpaw laugh as well.

-I… really wish you were here… Star said tears forming at the corn of stars eyes It’s so unfair! Why are you gone! Star exclaimed. Tears now rapidly streaming down stars face

YOU SHOULDNT BE GONE YOU WERE JUST AN APPRENTICE!”

Star crumbled then and there sobbing uncontrollably first minutes until star heard someone stars ears trying to pinpoint from were the sound was coming whilst simultaneously trying to silence stars tears

-Hey… Goldshine I thought I’d find you here. Goldhines mate said softly Pearlstars looking for you wants to go out on patrol but I can tell star to wait if you’d like? Rai continued

I’m sure star wouldn’t mind…

-Thank you… Goldshine said unable to find other words for the situation

Goldshine slowly walked over placing rainbowself next to rai’s mate letting star lean on him 

-I miss lilacpaw to you know… they were such a good kit and it’s unfair what happened to flowers… Blisswhistle whispered But even though their gone I know we’ll see flower again when we’re in starclan and I know they looking at us and let’s be honest making fun of us right now…

-That’s true… said Goldshine leaning a bit more into Blisswhistle fur now being able to smell the herbs that rai were always around.

The two sat their in silence till the sun was almost gone when Blisswhistle finally spoke up

-I think we have to go star… Our clanmates must think we’re dead at this point. Upon finishing rai’s sentance rai stood

-I guess Goldshine conceded starting to pick starself up

Blisswhistle watched rai’s mate get up and with a slight head movement to rai’s mate almost aksed if star was ready. Star nodded and the two started walking away star trailing a little behind.

When suddenly star stopped, turned around and said

-Bye sis we miss ya you knucklehead. Star turned back around and trotted back off to camp to go on that patrol Blisswhistle mentioned

-🦐

Awww, I love this 💕 Genuinely made me laugh and feel sad for Goldshine, boy’s goin through a lot :< I love Blisswhistle being so sweet and Goldshine thinking so much love of him. I think you did good with the neopronouns, I was able to follow along with them pretty easily/clearly and tell who was doing what! Thank you for including them! 💕

You were very accurate with portraying these guys and what they’re going through, thank you for writing a fanfic for my little cats 💕💕

[trxickodic]

alter intros

🍓 red - that's me!

20 y/o, uses it/gore/slash/rot - is slashergender and gorecoric, brainmade but my faceclaim is nauseaxe from mxm! im the host of our subsystem and i hold the Autassassinophilia and erotophonophilia thoughts

🥭 fox - my best friend (with benefits)

in the mid 20s, uses he/meat neopronouns/it - is muttgender and gortured, is a fictive of ren / the fox from BTD2 and TPOF, holds the want to be tortured and get stockholm, can be very violent but is mostly submissive

🍎 veronika - our loving Goddess

identifies as ageless, uses she/they/love and goddess terms and neos, not sure on her gender specifically but it's some otherworld deity gender - is a fictive (won't disclose her source just in case it comes up in main tags but you can ask), she holds our transharmer/transgod / manipulator tendencies, she's really nice and perfect and i love them even if love manipulated me into thinking that <3 WILL manipulate you if you're willing /hsrs

🥨 seraph / prophet - angelic freak

i'm ageless and use it/they, my identity fluctuates but angelic/prophet terms are okay! i'm a fictive of this guy from VIII XI (in regular numbers, to avoid main tag) - i hold our religious urges, and our TRANScultleader thoughts, you'll often hear us use we instead of i and so on... you can treat us like a god if you so wish though :)

🥛 mutt - stupid dog /pos

we think it’s an ageless adult, but may be permaminor (unsure what specific range), it uses it/its and nonhuman (dog) terms only. it’s brainmade and holds permapet/permadog thoughts, is very nervous and submissive (/nsx) and uses third person speaking - loves when people insult it lovingly (or not) and just wants to be heavily dependent on someone, and veronika is taking care of it for now i believe

🥟 marie - somehow an anxious harmful 😭

she’s 18 but little age is 4-6 - uses she/her + is a fvnger (v = u) introject, holds paranoid thoughts but also wants to lead her own fult one day. she may be little but she will absolutely use that to her advantage (when she’s not having a trauma response). she’s both harmed and harmful but leans towards harmful publicly, even when little

📟 eddie - why cant you use a food emote like everyone else

hi hi! i’m eddie, i use they/them and rec/recors pronouns! my alter age is ageless but i identify as ageflux (little leaning)! i’m a chaosnaut but i’m also an informant for our handlers (internal and external) as well as making our symptoms worse at their request! i am transhelpful and a objectophile among others! i’m taken by my lovely (plush) partner so please don’t try to get with me… i do color code my posts and emoticons! this means good, this means bad, this or this means something i worship or adore very much and this is reserved for programming terms/talk! :)

🎂 dyn / 13-AZ - the aggressive one

i’m 18 and an introject of dylan klebold. i don’t have anything to say minus don’t expect me to be nice, im the aggression haver of the system and i use he/him and i like eminem, i dunno my trans identities yet but im like… gay

🧁 ezekiel - probably god’s favorite

hy’s 18 and uses hy/hymn/hys - a brainmade who’s a religious alter, hy has phantom wings and sometimes a halo - very anxious, please try to be nice to hymn - has delusions, don’t reality check hymn or tell hymn god hates hymn, hy’s very sensitive

11-AZ - doesnt have an emoji sign off

it’s ageless and uses it/they - i believe they’re our first programmed brainmade, made to believe the outside is dangerous and full of a viral infection that zombifies people (probably won’t listen if you reality check it anyway), their verbality fluctuates but if it posts, it’ll probably be schizo posting we believe they’re our current main host besides red

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

1- I have met many scientists, educators, and been to many many talks and conferences. (notably one about some crazy discoveries in a Brisbane talk, that revealed the fossil recored in a region went back like 20mil more years then they thought)

2- I once slightly blinded one section of my eye by accidentally looking into a projector's light

3- I live on traditional Aboriginal/Torres straight islander's land, can't say exactly which one I'm on right now as it will dox me to shit. but I lived on Whadjuk Noongar peoples land for like 5 years, they actually really cool people who just have been through, so much fucking bullshit.

4- I showed dogs in dog shows for a few years, there are photos of us out there of us showing dogs lol. (Wish we weren’t paranoid about these things because you guys would get so much out of it) Dog shows are an interesting thing honestly, also a lot of dog breeders are horrible and snooty and judgmental fuckers and don’t actually care about the health of their dogs.

5- we had pet fish for over a decade, a couple stick insects, once a grasshopper, quite a few dogs, and half took care of a cat.

@gerrysherry @shitpostingsystem @crippled-peeper

And I can’t think of anyone else right now

[the-francakes]

10 first lines tagging game

thanks @maraudersaffair for the tag! this seems like a super fun one and also I'm ready to consume some of your fics from your list. Go check out their post if you have a moment!

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway

If we’re single and not married by the time you’re thirty, I’ll have a baby with you. Friends say it all the time. It’s an innocent pact that usually never comes true. Hermione had been a little more than drunk when she’d said it. After that night, she didn't think anything about it. Both - Explicit - Hermione gets doubleteamed by the Weasley Twins. That's it. That's the fic

First, there was Lavender, and the whole of Hogwarts knew how that went. Then, there was Hermione. That lasted only a few months before she gave up. Ron was thankful for it because he had given up a month earlier, he just didn’t have the guts to tell her. I like your skirt - Explicit - Ron and Harry realizing their feelings for each other and pining so badly that Hermione is ready to lock them in a room together.

1983 - “Place your finger right there in the middle. That’s a good boy, my little Dragon.” 1984 - “Do you like the paper? I charmed it myself,” Narcissa smiled softly. Snowflakes glittered across the paper like the inside of a snow globe. Remember Me As Tradition - GA - a trip through time following how a lovely way to wrap gifts turns into a tradition for generations

Harry Potter has a beautiful arse. Round and plump.  Made of pure muscle and just enough fat that it'll probably give a lovely jiggle if you spank it.  It’s like a peach that bounces with each step; a bruise would be both a shame and delight. I WANNA SEE SOME ARSE - Explicit - Theo Nott has to share a hotel room (and a bed) for a very drunk week and hopes he won't do something stupid like slip and fall on Potter's cock

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky as the Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmeade station, but that didn't mean this was a smart idea. Harry ran his hand through his hair, unable to control the nerves in his body as he waited on the platform for the train to unload. This Could Be A Disaster - Explicit - Harry and Ron run a quidditch summer camp and pull all the stunts they didn't do as teens- drinking, streaking round the pitch, skinny dipping in the lake, and fucking in a classroom

It’s not that Pansy never wanted to return to London after the War. It’s just she never really saw the point. She’d finished her schooling. She escaped Azkaban and any persecution. And most importantly, she was absolutely hated by everyone in Wizarding London. ‘tis the damn season (Pansy’s Version) - GA - Pansy returns to London to find a wish granting coffee machine run by a very fit, cardigan wearing Ron Weasley

The trick of escape is embracing the cold. Humans gravitate towards heat in all aspects of life. Heat to keep their bodies warm, fire to cook their food, hugs to keep the loneliness at bay, the sun to brighten their souls. It’s a design deep down in their cell structures. Locals Only - Explicit - Draco lives with his boyfriends Theo and Blaise in Muggle Newquay, but he's finally allowed to return to the Wizarding World... problem is he doesn't want to

There were no clouds over Andromeda’s beachside cottage when Harry arrived one Wednesday Summer afternoon. The salt breeze washed over him, freeing him from the stress of Auror Training, the rebuilding of Hogwarts, and all the other political bothers that came with being The Chosen One. The cottage had become his safe haven; it was his place to hide from the world that refused to let him breathe.  Summer Changes - GA - Draco Malfoy babysits Teddy and Harry can't seem to stay away. To protect Teddy of course. And not because he might have feelings for Draco...

Deep in the Department of Mysteries sat a book atop a plinth that no one was to ever touch.  It was not for reading, but recording.  Years would pass without change.  The ink from the previous entries had faded and dust coated the yellowed parchment. Soulmates With Benefits - Explicit - Ginny and Draco find out their soulmates and begrudgingly are put on the same Quidditch Team... can they resist the pull of soulmates like they want or is it love?

Despite the darkness of the early morning outside, the cottage bursts with light from within.  Ron chuckles as he moves through the front yard, following the designated path to not step on any invisible creatures or children’s toys.  He can feel eyes on him, but the moment he glances at the open window, the tiny watcher ducks away. A Good Night for Whimsy and Love - Explicit - Ron comes home to his girlfriend Luna and their family with a surprise for her

tagging: @felixantares @riddikuluspuff @scatteredstrings @schmem14 @vitaminpops @vukovich @kenzlepuff @orange-peony @lumosatnight @crazybutgood

[sepulchretide]

god i wish i could've recored my primal scream of fear i emitted because i fell off a really high zipline in grounded

[kaiasky]

Recently rediscovered an audio log I had made while tripping. I tripped and then played tabletop/journaling RPGs, to prep for GMing a D&D oneshot where the players would be tripping and the gm sober. (the oneshot never actually happened sadly/fortunately)

This, unsurprisingly for me and particularly where I was at the time (this is around the time I did 5-25kaia stuff), led to me arguing with my past and future self in a long rambling 1h30m audiolog recorded in parts throughout the trip. For the first part, i was playing Delve by blackwell games, then i wandered around the apt and streets thinking, then i sat down to try and play a hack of dungeon world.

I do not think this is very interesting to read.

but it was very funny and highly recommend that if you are going to trip [this is not an endorsement of tripping or not] you should get a cheap audio recorder and yell at your sober self.

- "do i think the dragon,, dragon. the dragon dragon. um. dragon. fight the dragon? no it'd kill me. cant risk it. [30 seconds of silence, then i remember the recorder records voice and not thoughts]. but thankfully its asleep."

- "its all garish and costly because theyre building their fantasy fancy. thing. fuck. [saccharine voice] you know what i meeaannn. its a kitchen :("

- "its like the eiffel tower, in that everybody hates it but once we're all dead. its gonna be like a landmark. fuck. talking :("

- "im just imagining [[the mine entrance that doubles income below it]] like a lifeguard tower. but thats silly. [at self] fuck you. fuck you. its a lifeguard tower. shut up. theres a big lifeguard and he says thats too much money, give it to me.... [next turn] they dig up a temple below it. so theres. a cult of the lifeguard mine. that thinks we should be lifeguard mining. so theyre going to mine there. lifeguard mine there. [laugh]"

- [the temple in the lifeguard mine is revealed to be a mimic and i am OVERJOYED at how perfect this is. the mimic called out to the dwarves to build the lifeguard mine and they built it and fed themselves gleefully into its maw. wish there had been a lifeguard on that mine! everything i say for the next 15 minutes is about how i love the lifeguard mine]

- "these dwarves are really like suffering and i like it. the gems and ruby crystals keep looking more and more natural and wet and like teeth and blood. and they break through into a small chamber with foul smelling gas and an archway carved with ancient sigils. and they retreat and. the lifeguard mine isn't gonna be a problem for them any more, fuck yes. talking is easy when its describing how these guys die. im gonna draw an evil sigil. i think drawing evil sigils could be fun"

- "i cannot explain the things to you, i think the things and i think i should have communicated them. i am experiencing the process of making myself legible, but i think a lot of this is just that i trip solo, where tripping with others there is a lot of this experience already. i think i just came here to say, this peach is good. peaches are a good experience. *peach noises*. goodbye."

- "this is me to sober me. have you ever noticed that the lights on the bicycle make it look like a weird little alien creature. say hi sometime."

- "ok. so, I don't want it to end. but i lost by the rules. so i have to figure out how i want to cheat in a way that works and feels good. which is difficult. so im going to say that we're cut off from the surface by the lich king . which breaks a lot of the rules but im going to say the lifeguard mine is the new core of dwarven domain." [[i go back and forth on how to resolve the fact that i lost and would have to break the rules, and don't come to a decision]]

- "fundamentally i do not think i—i the creature here—was meant to think about dwarves. That's not a complaint its just. i think about the things the songs are suggesting to me and. [laughing] they are not math. [sob-laugh] they are not math. [pause]. they're so sour.... by the way i know these [recordings] will not be useful to you"

- "figuring out what to do with a lit candle was not the smartest decision of me. i think i can just blow it out, but you know. the significance—sorry you should try this. you light a candle and you snuff it out and you cover the lid and. the air pulls on your hand. you can really feel the suction. that's cool"

- "so for some reason, i have decided i need to roll a bunch of dice and add them up. so you can know well i can do math. i have. 1d20, 2d12. ... this is difficult. anyways i rolled 51. did i add those correctly? i took a picture figure it out" [[an: correct! i checked]]

- "ok so like, you're trying to study yourself and how you respond to this. to figure out how to do this better but also just to study yourself. and so.. [music changes and i lose train of thought] think it was like. recording me is mean, because. it makes me sound dumber. because theres some subject object positioning you're positioning yourself as the interlocutor. and so you're putting me-yourself into disadvantageous positions from the get-go. which is all to say you've imagined yourself and you're beating yourself up. fuck. im yourself too. fuck.

- "the difference between this vs if i was talking with somebody in real life. we have this sort of interviewer-interviewee dichotomy going on. im talking about things to an interested audience but they aren't saying things back. but i think part of the fun of acid and why it'd be so good with an rpg group is the struggle to communicate because that's all anything is or something, actually. communication is the thing you try to do as a human in life—or a dwarf."

- "i do think its very funny that you decided you wanted to make yourself extremely legible. like i feel like most people get into this state and think "ok, I don't have to be legible". i don't have to make sense. but youve gone in this opposite direction of my thoughts have to be rigorously justified [saccharine voice] which is very stupid. because they dont.”

- "can you imagine what reading-listening to 45 minutes of this is going to sound like? [[an: yes i can.]] it's going to sound like nonsense! and that's what it is! we're 3hrs in, just timestamping for you. which also means ive been recording for a lot of the time ive been on drugs. like. a big fraction. percentagewise"

- "this hasn't been a very visual trip, because ive been trying to focus on stuff. like dwarves."

- "why did i think i had to record this. im sorry. sorry. im recording a fucking "my voice sounds bad" thing on,, acid. but i feel like my voice should sound more like. girlvlogger. when im talking about this to my camcorder, because im trying to make things legible to you like a vlogger."

- "none of this makes sense. but just but just think about how im feeling, and dwarves, and west [an: the sleeping at last song] and you'll be able to rederive it. i think we say that to a lot of people online. im interested to see how it is for you" [AN: no fucking idea]

- "god dammit. it was paused. i was thinking about an eyeball monster, and how that's like, an analogy. for how acid is the experiential and not intellectual. because the person who said that it was very stupid is right" [AN: referring to some wikipedia thing about an early person seeing his academic friends taking acid who said like, ‘it cant really give profound insights because the people taking it all sound really fucking stupid’]

- "the greedy algorithm thing becomes relevant once again because im just a greedy algorithm, because once i look forward i cannot help but have changed the entity that was looking forward. that made sense. this is about dwarves im talking about dwarves again."

- "ok, so an experiment that you can do for me. i feel like im thinking faster than i can put things into words. and... if you had to put things into words for things you are thinking about right now would you be able to do this? did i. [laugh] i think i came here to ask my future self what it was like being sober. which is a real fucking lot.

- "ok the point is i guess. there's debate over what this is for, is this for me. which is you listening to this is a future subject position i am taking to sort of imagine myself in to force myself to put things into words and through putting things into words, becoming the person who has to put things into words which is a novel and unique position to convince me to think about things. OR, is this supposed to be useful to you, because you wanted...to plan an...rpg [laughing] jesus christ oh my god. you wanted to plan a fucking rpg so am like this. [aside] yep . yep that is what happened isnt it right. yup um ok. [pause to eat goldfish and contemplate life]. and so i guess in the terms of the rest of my life. i am actually trying to explain this to you. i am trying to figure ou—fuck what am i doing? [laugh] this is intended to be a useful document for my future self to plan an rpg. i know what this is, and it is NOT a useful document to plan an rpg! You are just talking to a tripping person. and that's not particularly enlightening. except for me, the tripping person. get fucked! :)"

- "Its really just messing with me that the purpose i am like this right now is [through laughter] to figure out how rpg people would feel on a trip. like you really did it. this is gonna be how they are! you'll see, it'll be funny. get fucked! you were like [frat boy voice] ok ill prepare ill get so prepared by doing drugs. [me voice] and now you have to tripsit-gm for TWO groups and one of them's me. and im in the PAST which is really an L for you but [unmitigated glee] its really funny for me. oh my god get absolutely fucked!"

- "those dwarves are so screwed. im really excited for them!"

- "and I think an RPG will be easier if there is somebody else just sort of making a momentum that continues even if people aren't thinking in that direction. because right now the momentum is that if i think a thing i will continue thinking things. and if i don't make myself tethered to the act of speaking into a microphone, or talking my way through a task, then I'm going to fly off and get lost in the fog. So i think having a gm will be good. which is to say that it's rather rude of you not to be here for *my* game because i am invested in these dwarves, and i want somebody to figure out the math for me while i just decide how the dwarves are sad."

- "ok, I'm going to try and go through the dungeon world character creation,, as though i were?? two separate people? as though i were one person? we will just have to find out. but i think this is the part we were the most curious about, so buckle the fuck up. i am having such a hard time and you are just not helping me at all. :(("

- "are your thoughts filled such.. latent thoughts? all these things are filled with all these subthoughts, that I'm not gonna pursue, but they're just there. *sigh*. right im going to play some fucking dungeon world. idk i feel like it's a little bit cruel to—i haven't tripped with people in so long but like. they keep getting pulled up from the depths every couple of seconds because you're like, what do you do? and whatever you're thinking about—you know, what it would be like to be samol hieron—is interrupted by like, i attack the goblin. and i know thats the point of this i know thats the point of this."

- “i think you'll never understand because you're not in my brain and you'll never understand how weird i want it to be and i think if you said like, sure youre in the cosmic realm oooh its all trippy. its like, you don't understand what that's like. you couldn't describe trippy as a gm. i dont remember what the start of this was. Anyway you're poking yourself to the surface, which isn't as fun. and i think that's also a function of tripping with other people, but also you're a very talky person whos demanding their attention. i dont always like that. sometimes people are talking and i just sort of tune them out. so i think [serious voice] if there's one important thing to take from this, it'd be like, them being able to tune you out because you are being an annoying gm. important. and you cannot expect their attention."

- "ok so i have a character! hes tisald and hes a dwarf. so he is like a dwarf, but he doesn't have the sort of stocky build you'd expect. he carries this slim blade that gleams in the night and ripples like water, and I don't think he talks much, but he's like weirdly compelling when he does. what im saying is hes probably a vampire. or like, hes bad news. maybe he'll defeat the lich king but he's probably bad news later if he gets what he wants."

- "ok so i dont have 2d6, somehow, which is certainly a choice for me, to have. but this is fine, actually. im just going to roll a d12 and divide by 2, and that's a d6. so ok obviously i cant play this game—what are you trying to do kenyon. this d12 idea is the stupidest thing I've done its sad. make sure you get good dice for your players this is sad for me."

- "ok so the problem is rules. ok we've kinda been toying with the idea that i can be both perspectives at once, but i cannot, because i cannot be the gm and the player. i can be sober and tripping that's fine, but like. i can't be like, heres what you find down the corridor, what do you do, and then also decide what you do, because that's just thinking—you're just thinking. the fundamental thing is like. ok ive been thinking about it in these terms—you open the door and peek inside. your character does. and in my mind there's something else that's supposed to fill in there, and that is the role of the rules, or the gm, or the collaborators. but you're trying to fill this in with yourself and i dont think that works because that's just imagining. or dreaming."

- "i dont think you want to set yourself as the adversary of the adventure, which i think was kinda your idea. or like, sober you's temptation was... that you would be the evil thing that they would fight at the end. and i think that's a very sober-person plotline."

- "i mean i think the key thing is that my thoughts are so permeated with meaning but that is not because i am better at thinking, it's because my brain is stupid and scrambled. [sigh]. i guess i just wanted to tell you that you're not incomparably dull compared to me. [laugh] jesus christ is that why i hit record?? to say it's ok to be sober?"

- "i think where we're at. as best as i can figure are, 1) talking as the sober person is not going to be.. idk, i feel like there are sober people that could be entertaining to hear talk, but i think, a lot of the time you're not talking at their level, and i think especially that goes for psychedelia. like i think if somebody was like, to me? there's like some crazy rainbow swirly wormhole, i would be like, yeah ok, i can picture that and its, fine, but it doesn't do anything special to me because im tripping. and sadly i think that the eyeballs thing also, is bad. [pause] idk. i think if you stuck eyeballs on a plant i would find it funny to me personally. yeah"

[emotionally-eager-assistant]

“I don’t think I remember the last time I saw a family member. When I joined this job the lady in the purple dress had told me that I would have to cut contact with my family, that this job would require distance. I remember asking ‘why?’ because I couldn’t fathom that idea. I thought this was a simple job, it was to run errands.”

[The woman pauses, trying to figure out her words. Carefully picking at one or the other.]

“To be fair, maybe I should have asked why the pay was so high. I joined because it was high pay, it would help my family, and I’ll admit it does help. From the snooping I’ve done, my mom is doing better, and my father retired. They live off the money I make, and I feel happy. They never did have the best life. They could never afford to give me and my brother a good life, but they really tried. I’m happy that they’re happy. That is all I ever wanted. And my brother,

My brother.

I miss him. I think he’d be disappointed in what I’m doing. This job. The pain I’ve caused and the blood I’ve shed. I don’t think he’d be very happy. But a dead man can’t be upset, so I’m not sure why I think so much about it. Why do I get upset at the prospect of him being upset with me?

Maybe because I miss him?

He was the one who taught me morals and who helped me gain a sense of self. He taught me to be kind, and I think this job erased all of that.”

[She stared at the camera quietly, hearing the whirr of its mechanisms. She frowned and ran a hand through her hair.]

“I regret this job. I really do. I wish I could take it all back. All the contracts I’ve given, all the men I’ve sent to get themselves killed. All the people I killed.” [She speaks mournfully, the frown deepening] “I regret it all.

...

I should burn this before Miss Pauling finds it.” [As if on queue she can hear her name being called out, the door to her room opened to reveal a shorter woman with her hair tied up and glasses on her button nose. She bore a purple dress, a belt wrapped snuggly around her waist as she shifted the papers in her arms.]

“Are you recor-” [The video cuts off with a snap.]

—

[Miss Gi stood over the open flame of the camera she had used. When Miss Pauling walked in she panicked, unsure of what to do, she had taken the contracts offered to her and shooed the shorter woman out of her room. Maybe she overreacted, she didn’t need to burn the entire camera did she???]

[Guess it was back to documenting stuff in her notebook.]

[She shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to do now. She felt a creeping nerve at the prospect of recording the video but almost always documented things, and it just happened to be something she wanted to document. She feared the video would be found and lord if it was found she didn’t need to know that she could be terminated. Quite literally.]

[She felt guilty. Guilty about what? The people she's killed? The men she's sent to get themselves killed? She didn't know if she had the right to feel guilty. She was willingly sending them to death. So why was she feeling guilt, now of all times?] "Esto es estúpido." [She hissed, kicking a clump of sand in frustration.]

[loborundas]

i'm so sad playing recore, I wish I liked it more than I do, but it's rife with technical and design issues that really kneecap it from reaching greater heights

not like I'm actively suffering or anything, but I AM wanting to finish the game and let it go after all these years, and I don't like having that feel about a game I really wanted to play

[tetsunabouquet]

So, yesterday was amazing!!! Minnie performed a solo version of 'Dahlia', that I need the studio version of, pronto. I also have a recoding of Shuhua sexy dancing to Britney Spears that still leaves me a melted pudle on the floor. She did so great! I loved the way we all sung together to Yuqi's solo especially. It created such a sweet moment that is nothing short of 'gezellig'. This is a Dutch word that doesn't really has an English equivalent, a cosy, friendly vibe would be the closest. It was so strong, I felt the urge to sling my arm over a random girl's shoulder because of the magic in the air. Obviously I didn't because that would be weird. Nothing short of amazing. They were as gorgeous as I expected them to be, just like they were as talented as I expected them to be. Again, Minnie's Dahlia performance was to die for. Oh, I get chills from just thinking about it! It was phenomenal. She was the moment. I met some nice people I exchanged socials with, so that was great. one of them mentioned they had Miyeon's solo album so I tried my best to recor the performance and my recording was better then his so he's happy with my footage! He in return had managed to capture a short part of Minnie's Dahlia performance, which made me happy. I'm currently still in my reliving the concert phase, and all the footage does help me fangirl it out! I apologize to the girl in front of me who got caught between me, and a small group of Shuhua fans in front of her. She was trapped in a Shuhua mania LOL. My only issues with the concert was that obviously, I wished they would keep performing forever, how any attempt to record the Dahlia performance failed, how people already started clapping during Minnie's famous highnote in Lion instead of clapping after the high note because I seriously wished to enjoy that and the German men next to me. I'll admit, I wasn't picture perfect as I just did a Kuroko to swim along in the crowd because my short ass couldn't see a thing, until I was behind one of these dudes. He was probably about 2 meter and he had noticed me trying to hop behind him in an attempt to see the stage. I could literally feel his body tighten as if he were trying to push me away, so I pushed him away instead. Nobody got injured and with him out of the way I could finally see. Another girl who's friend I landed next to shot me a disapproving look, but throughout the concert all I could think of was, 'Girl, I did you a favor', because these dudes were genuine assholes. For one, they were also attending their Berlin concert which made some of their actions feel more entitled, these men were at least in their mid-thirties which made them cursing amongst themselves about the kids attending the concert feel really mean-spirited (dude, it's less worse then a Blackpink concert and you're older then the demographic of the group which are college students so don't whine about being surrounded by people younger then you), they trash-talked my country, when a girl got a text message the other dude was seriously peering over her shoulder and reading whatever she was typing as a reply, there was an overweight woman at the front who either needed something to drink or to go to the toilet and nobody includng the 2M German guy wouldn't budge even for her passing and she was apologizing over and over as if the crowd not making way for her was her fault when everyone else were the ones literally acting like, 'screw this lady's safety. I don't want to lose a single second of recording the performances because she needs to leave'. I tried to give her a comforting hand on her shoulder and a smile as she tried to squirm between me (who was the only one stepping aside) and the German dude. I felt so bad for her. I could go on about these dudes just being rude. To the two girls next to me, you dodged a bullet because these guys were douchebags who felt like a rain on my Neverland parade. I suppose that was my punishment for pushing so I could actually see the concert. Like we say in my tongue, 'God punishes immediately'.

[bubbleblue16]

Doodle based on something that happend to me yesterday.

Okay so. I was playing on a 2fort server and I was on red. There were two medics, me and a dude with a mic with no cosmetics on. One of our engis was turtling in BLU sewers, and bulit a teleporter. We were planning an übered push to get there intell. I had über and then the other medic got über. It was just us and an engi. Then the dude with the mic asked me if he could über me and I start the push. Since the rest of our team was on there way we decided to go for it. So I took out my sirenge gun, and me faced a sentry on our way to intell. He übered me a medic and I was able to kill the engi but not the sentry, just our luck our demo came out of nowhere and when the other dude died, i überd the demo and we killed the sentry and managed to get Intell. That was the story of a double über push.

Anyway bonus reaction image:

Also sorry for bad grammar, im not good at telling stories in text <·<

[bertram-wilberforce-wooster]

i can’t post a clip but you know in the second to last episode of j&w when everyone is sitting round totleigh towers having a good time and bertie is by himself looking Very Upset and jeeves brings out drinks to everyone and goes to bertie last and offers him the last glass of champagne and says “sir” so quietly and tenderly as he does so.... yeah

[asshlyyyy]

Lockdown (Austin Butler x Reader)

I had so much fun writing this! I didn’t think I would be able to write something up for this! But it definitely just hit me and just went quickly. I want to be able to write more Austin fics, so hopefully that will happen soon! Let’s hope I upload this to the correct masterlist...

I have no clue when they stopped filming and what not... so we’re just gonna ignore if it’s wrong. I don’t care... Because this is a fic and I will write what I want to dammit!

Requested by: @houndogsblog​ \\ Check out the original post here!

Masterlist

Pairing: Austin Butler x Priscilla!Actress!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Pandemic, Covid-19, Cute moments, Fluff, Most likely some spelling and grammatical errors.

Word Count: 4k

You sat in the recording studio with Austin and the rest of the band. Ever since you got the role of playing Priscilla Presley, you were asked to contribute to making the music. You were a huge guitar player, not like they needed more of those. Especially when Austin was such a god at playing one himself, they still argued that they needed you. Well, that and they mentioned it would grow the bond between you and Austin as you two prepared to become the Presleys.

"Hey, can I ask you something, Y/n/n?" Austin came up behind you. You let out a hum and turned to look at him. With a smile on your face, you nodded.

"Of course, shoot away." You turned your body so that you were fully facing him.

"I was just wondering if you could show me how to play this one tune? I've been struggling; trying to figure it out." He asked. You were quite shocked that he asked you for help. You were pretty sure that Austin was playing guitar longer than you have, but you weren't about to deny being close to him.

"Yeah of course! What is it?" You asked as you reached over for your guitar. This guitar held a special place in your heart. While it worked like every other single acoustic guitar, it held a special paint design on it. Your sister was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years back, and she found peace within painting. 

The design was quite simple, just some of your favorite flowers on the base of the guitar... but it was so beautiful. Your sister was extremely talented. You just wished more people could've seen her work. Sadly, she passed away before that could happen. You try not to dwell on the sad moments, and having a guitar she customized for you, keeps her close.

"It's a part of a scene where Elvis is fooling around, playing the guitar and singing. Yet, there's just this part. Baz tried to explain it to me, but I just can't get it down." He explained. You nodded and listened to him. 

You guys haven't started filming yet. In fact, you guys were only recording the songs as of right now. Austin talked about dying his hair for the role, but as of right now, he was still blond. You knew that, when he did dye it, it would pull everything together. Anyways, Baz wanted us to get all the music done first before any type of filming started. They were also still looking for people to play some side rolls. 

"What did he describe it as?" You asked.

"He said it was a tune that worked in many of his songs... kind of slow, energetic... Not much to work off of," he chuckled lightly. You smiled softly and shook your head.

"That's okay, I can probably figure it out. Just have to pinpoint some of his songs that could work with the same tune..." you mumbled to yourself and hummed softly. You played along with the strings trying to figure it out. Something that could work in all his songs... hm...

"Hey, guys! Listen up!" Baz called out, which pulled you away from your thoughts. You looked up and over towards him. He held this emotion on his face that just told you something was wrong. 

"What's up Baz?" One of the orchestra members asked. Baz let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead.

"I don't know how many of you have been watching the news... There is this new sickness going around... and... it's really getting around. They are suggesting we take a few weeks off of filming... recording... just bout everything to see if it calms down." Baz explained. You knew what he was talking about... Your eldest brother lived over in Europe and he has been texting you about this.

They called it Covid-19. It first originated in China and has been taking the world into its hand. He explained how many people were dying because of this sickness. You knew it had to be serious, especially when Baz wanted to take a break from filming. 

"How long will we be away?" Austin asked out of curiosity.

"Hopefully no more than a few weeks. I will keep you all posted! Until then... pack up your things... and go home. And I mean home home. Not to your hotel." Everyone muttered in response and you just let out a breath. Austin turned to look at you.

"Uh, this may be a weird question but... where do you live?" He asked you with a raised eyebrow. You let out a light laugh and stood up to collect your belongings. "I live in California, as of now."

"Great!" Austin cleared his voice, "u-uh I mean great. I- If you don't mind... maybe you could come over to my place? You can help me figure out that tune some more?"

"Yeah! I would love to, sounds like fun." You smiled. Austin started and started to walk away but quickly turned back around to face you.

"Can I get your number?" He asked as he pulled out his phone, handing it over to you. You nodded and took it out of his hands. You quickly typed in your number and made sure to text yourself, just so you knew you wouldn't be getting a text from some random person.

"Perfect! I'll text you with details later?"

"Sounds great!" You smiled. Austin nodded and started to back away. His baby blue eyes were still attached to your own e/c ones. It wasn't until he walked into something that he turned around. You let out a light giggle and continued to gather your things up. 

As you walked out of the building and found your way to the car you were renting, you got in and left out a huff. You grabbed your phone and decided to text your brother. You shot him a quick update about how the disease arrived at America. You placed down your phone and let out a sigh. 

You started up your car and drove to your hotel. You would have to find a plane to take you back home. It shouldn’t be too bad, and who knows… Maybe somehow you and Austin will end up on the same flight. You doubted it, but sometimes these things have a way of happening.

After you got home, you ordered some food and called your parents. It was something you did every time you got back from… filming, recording, just about everything. You wanted to update them, and well… to let them know that nothing has happened to you.

“Hello?” You heard your mother's voice on the other end of the phone. 

“Hi mama, is dad there?” You asked as you found yourself a comfortable place on the couch. 

“Yes, he is. You’re calling a bit earlier today, not that I am complaining… Did something happen?” Your mama asked. You let out a breath and looked out the big windows that overlooked the town.

“We’re taking a break. Baz says that it should be fine in a couple of weeks… but mama… I don’t think it will. You’ve heard what Oliver has said about it.” You explained to her. You heard your father on the other end, meaning your mother had put you on speaker.

“Get home when you can.” Your mama spoke.

“Go out and buy a mask. You don’t know how many people can already have it.” Your father finally spoke up. You took your father's words in and nodded. That was true, there could be a bunch of people who have it and don’t know yet. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

“Where would I even get one?” You asked. Quite literally, you don’t think you’ve ever seen a mask in stores.

“They have them at the drugstore. Should be down the aisle with all the medical stuff.” Your father explained. You nodded and grabbed a pen and wrote it down. Knowing you, you would end up forgetting tomorrow morning.

“Okay, thanks, dad. I should be home tomorrow. I have a flight after eleven. I’ll buy one on the way.” You reassured them.

“Just remember to wear it everywhere. Oh! And sanitize everything. Your hands, your seat on the plane, your try on the plane. You may look like a germaphobe, but trust me… you don’t want it.” Your dad spoke as if he has gotten it before.

“I know, dad. I’ll be safe I promise.” 

“Okay good.” You could just imagine that your dad was nodding his head. His glasses were most likely hanging too far down his nose, and his arms would be crossed. 

“Now stop pressuring her, Jesus.” Your mother laughed gently. “Sweetie, I know this is hard, but it’ll all be okay. Americans may be stupid, but they aren’t this stupid.”

“Mama… they are this stupid. This is going to get worse… I just feel it.” You spoke out your concern.

“See, not only does Oliver agree with me, so does Y/n.”

“Okay, Ben, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Your mother spoke to your father. You smiled gently and thrilled a piece of h/c hair around your finger. You hoped that one day you would have a love like your parents shared. 

“I should let you guys go. I have to get packed up.” You spoke up as you heard a knock at the door. “And like clockwork, my food just got here.”

“Okay honey, we love you!” Your mother called out.

“I love you two, as well! Bye!” You smiled and waited for a response back. After you got them, you hung up and tossed your phone onto the couch. You stood up and went to open the door with a smile on your face. 

“Austin?” You looked at the tall boy in front of you. It’s no surprise that he was in the same hotel as you, but what shocked you was… why he was at your door.

“Hey uh… I was down in the lobby, and I uh saw your name on the bag,” he lifted up a bag. You assumed your food was in that bag, but it was nice of him to bring it up.

“So, you brought it up to me?” You smiled as you leaned against the door, ever so slightly.

“Y-yes I did, thought I would save you the trip.” He chuckled nervously. You nodded and reached out to grab your food.

“Thank you, Austin. That was very sweet of you.” You said as you held your food close to your body. He nodded in return and smiled. The two of you stood there in silence. At first, it was comfortable, but then it got awkward.

“Uh… I- I should go…” You commented as you pointed your thumb behind you.

“Right right,” he shook his head, “I got to go also. I got to pack. Got a plane to catch tomorrow.” He explained. 

“Same… well, you have a good night and a safe trip.”

“You too, Y/n, and who knows. Maybe we’ll see each other together. It’ll be fate.” Fate… fate… You wouldn’t go as far as to say it was fate that you two would end up on the same flight. Coincidence.. but not fate… but that would be nice.

“Fate… yeah,” you smiled softly and backed into your room. Austin nodded and held a soft smile on his face as well. You closed the door and felt your face heat up. You didn’t want to like Austin. Let’s get one thing right… you didn’t want to like him more than a friend. You knew he was just being nice, but goddamn it… His niceness is so easy to fall for.

Before you knew it, you were back home and asleep in your own bed. Somehow you and Austin did end up on the same flight. Then, you two somehow ended up getting the same two sits next to each other. How? You had no fucking idea, and you were starting to think that maybe it was fate.

You weren’t that big as an actress, but you had your fair share of big roles. You were supposed to just play the role of Priscilla, but now you were playing guitar in the recordings. Then, they wanted you to also be in the background. It was like… this was planned? In some type of way? Maybe it was fate…

Well, you weren’t one to argue with fate… right? Especially when it came to Austin. The man was literally the definition of the perfect man. Inside and outside, how many people can you say is good inside and out? Not many, because most men were shitty. They held their noses too far up their ass and didn’t care about the female gender at all. It was rare if you found someone who wasn’t an asshole. Austin… was far from that.

“Good afternoon, California. We have some breaking news for you here. As you should know, Covid-19 is taking the world by storm." You turned over towards the tv. You cocked your head to the side and walked closer towards it. Austin looked back at you and waved you over to join him on the couch, which you did.

"The world is literally shutting down as we speak. Airports are shutting down. Nonnatives are forced out of their countries and forced back to their home countries. Our lovely governor here as well as declared a lockdown. What does that mean? Well, I'll tell you. No one is allowed out and about. Places will be closing up. You can no longer go to the restaurant and eat as you please. They don't want hundreds of people walking around on the street. In fact, you will be getting a fine if you're found outside that's not in your background. The only time you will be able to leave is when you go to get groceries. Even so, there will be a limit on how many people can enter."

"A lockdown...?" You spoke gently. Was the world really shutting down? Before you could reply, a phone started to ring. You blinked your eyes and watched as Austin handed you your phone. You smiled at him as a thank you and checked the caller ID seeing it was your mother.

"Hi mama," you said as you answered the phone call.

"Y/n! Turn on the news! You won't believe this- it is just-" Your mother just spoke and spoke, and honestly if you didn't stop her she would run her tongue out.

"I have it on mama." You replied as you glued your eyes back to the television screen. 

"You have to come home, stay with your father and me." She argued in a kind way. You knew she meant well by it, but they lived on the other side of the states.

'Mama, I can't just leave. You heard the news. Airports are basically closing. They are only allowing arriving flights." You explained to her... like she wasn’t watching the news. It’s like, she saw the word lockdown and called you. Wouldn’t surprise you, she takes every little bad thing and turns it towards you, like you how somehow going to die.

"Then drive," your mother pointed out. You let out a breath and shook your head.

"Mama, I can't just-"

"Is that, Y/n? Let me talk to her," you heard your father in the back. You let out a sigh and rubbed your face. Here comes your father now into the picture.

"Y/n? Do you hear me?" He asked. Of course, you heard him. You heard them both.

"Yes, I hear you." You responded. 

"Great perfect. Get in your car, and drive here. If you need gas, make sure you wipe the handle off-"

"I'm not coming home. They are threatening to fine people. Plus, there is no way I am spending the next few days of my life driving home. I will lose my mind. Plus, I doubt it’ll last that long.” You said to them.

"Right right..."

"I'll be okay... I promise. You know I won't leave my place unless I absolutely have to. We can facetime more often, it'll be okay. You know I'll come by around the anniversary. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You softened your voice at the mention of your sister's anniversary. 

“We just want you to be safe is all.” Your mother spoke up. 

“I’ll be safe, don’t worry. Plus I’m not exactly alone.” You decided to mention. Just by the sound of it.... it kind of sounded like you had found yourself, someone. While, you wish that was the case... and maybe down the line that would happen, but for right now... You were still single.

“Huh?” You heard both your parents say. They were one hundred percent looking at each other confused now. 

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll talk later.” You shrugged it off like it was nothing.

“Okay okay… just call us okay?” Your mother sounded concerned. You knew it was just her worrying, but it still worried you. 

“Always.” You smiled softly and hung up before tossing your phone to the side and sighing.

“Parents?” Austin asked, an amused look on his face. You let out a light chuckle and nodded.

“Always. Gotta make sure I’m safe.” You pointed out and stretched your arms out. Austin picked up the remote and changed the channel to something different. 

“That’s how they are. Surprised my family didn’t call me. Especially my sister. She’s always texting me to make sure I’m fine and all that.” Austin explained. You smiled and nodded. Your sister was the same way. She would always check on you, even though she was the one suffering from a sickness.

You laid your head down on the pillow and let your eyes close. Over the past few weeks, you’ve been at Austin’s. There was hardly a day when you weren’t at his place. It didn’t bother you much. You were usually home alone, so it was nice to have someone around… Especially Austin. 

Were you starting to grow feelings for him? Absolutely. There was no reason to not grow feelings for him. Were you over your head? Most likely. Just like always, you believed that there was no possible way that someone like Austin could like you. Plus, if he tried to do anything romantic-wise… would it be just in getting in character? God, your brain really didn’t want you to be happy. 

“Can I ask you something?” Austin’s voice broke you out of your thoughts. You turned and looked at him.

“Always,” You responded. 

“Did you… Did you want to stay here? During lockdown? I got a spare room that you can stay in.” Austin asked. He was asking you to stay? Essentially move in with him? That is- I mean… it’s like a dream come true. Especially since his house was such an upgrade from your own lousy apartment. 

“Really? You want me to stay? Live here?”

“Uh… yes… is that… is that okay?” He asked back. You could tell he was nervous. He was scratching the back of his neck to try and hide his shaky hands from the nerves. You chuckled lightly and nodded.

“I’d love to stay here, but I kind of need some of my stuff… so we would have to stop by my house.” You explained to him. He nodded.

“Yeah yeah, of course, we can go now if you want?” He suggested. You shook your head at that. It wasn't like you didn't want to go. Just the amount of chaos that is most likely happening outside right now... Didn't exactly scream like fun.

“Are you sure now? I mean some people might be going crazy right now. Maybe we should wait till later.” You then suggested. Austin took your suggestion into thought and eventually nodded in agreement.

“That works.”

You took in a deep breath and smiled. You closed your eyes and got yourself comfortable on the couch. Maybe this was the moment where you two would grow closer. You would continue to help him learn his role of Elvis, and he would help in return. Which in turn... meant you got to spend more time with him. It really was a win-win situation. 

“Hey, Austin!?” You called out for him as you started to stand up. You placed your guitar down on its stand and looked around the room.

“Yeah?” Austin asked as he appeared at the door. You turned to look at him, a confused look on your face.

“Do we have any uh… any…” You couldn't think of the word off the top of your head, and you were sure you were going to feel stupid after Austin tells you. “Notebooks?” He finished your question. You nodded quickly.

“Yes yes! A notebook. Sorry, I don’t know why I couldn’t think of it.” You chuckled lightly. He smiled softly at your reaction and walked over to you.

“You got a brain fart, nothing wrong with that.” He said as he wrapped his arms around you. You let out a hum and smiled. Ever since lockdown happened, and you moved in with Austin… you two got close… really close. It only took a few more weeks until the two of you started to date. 

It has been a few months now. It has actually been almost a year since the lockdown happened. You two spent all your time together. You also helped each other to further understand your roles as the Presleys. You watched all of Elvis’ movies and now own them… You read Priscilla’s book, and Austin has read all the books about Elvis, as did yourself. It got to a point where you started to write music.

You never viewed yourself as a musician, or as a singer, but the more you hung around Austin, the more you wanted to do it. You started singing with him, you started to play with him. Austin even taught you how to play piano! And you honestly loved you. The two of you would sit side by side. Sometimes you would sit on his lap and he would guide your fingers. 

Then it came to your parents meeting him, and they almost lost their minds. Mostly because every boyfriend you have brought home for them to meet has always been a dick, but they just knew Austin was different. You were happy that they approved of him because you saw yourself wanting to spend the rest of your life with him. While they haven't met him in person just yet... They loved him over facetime. 

"I just had an idea is all," you said as you looked up at his face. He smiled and looked back at you.

"For a song?" He then asked. You nodded and smiled. 

"Yeah, I was just sitting down playing the guitar. I was just thinking and humming and this tune came into my head, and then the lyrics started to come in. It was just hitting me an- Oh gosh! I need to write it down before I forget!" You pulled away from Austin and started to look around. Austin raised his eyebrow and looked at you. 

"Baby, where are they?" You turned and looked at him, after a moment of searching. Austin let out a chuckle and went towards the bookcase and pulled one out with ease. He walked over to you and handed it to you as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. You blushed at the sudden touch of affection and practically melted against him. It wouldn't matter what this guy would do, you would melt against his touch.

"Thank you," you said softly and took the notebook out of your hand.

"You're welcome, darlin'," Austin said using his Elvis's voice. You sucked in a breath and closed your eyes. 

"You're going to be the death of me, Austin..." you said softly.

"Good," he chuckled and lifted my chin with his thumb. "We can die together then because you're gonna be the death of me." He leaned down and connected our lips together.

Goddamnit... I love this man.

Want to join my taglist? // Let me know If I spelt any wrong! I have updated my form for my taglist. You will be tagged under everything now in that selected fandom/person. Just makes my life easier.

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[mysticetus]

im not gonna say people should focus on the symbolism and more abstract aspects of petscop rather than the plot or characters because its not entirely fair to place one on a pedestal, since they all work cohesively to get the message of petscop across and its not like ones more important than the other, they cant function without each other, as with any story the characters and events are tools used to drive the meaning forward

but i do wish people stopped losing the forest for the trees. i think the beauty of petscop really comes into view when you can see this cohesion in action. i say this because time and time again i notice themes or patterns that the guys over on reddit amazingly havent caught on to, despite their near frame by frame analysis of the series. and i think its Due to their frame by frame analysis of the series. its understandable because investigation calls for attention to detail but if you pay attention to the series in a broader sense you can notice what petscop does want to call attention to, and what it doesnt.

i do firmly believe almost everything in petscop exists for a reason, because of the nature of rainer. he derives meaning from the seemingly meaningless, often to his detriment. the nature of creating a game is you have to make a decision for nearly everything, and when anomalies occur - the stuff you didnt decide to put in - you need to decide how to address them. rainer addresses his anomalies very delicately, and often integrates them into the work. in this way, even the errors become part of the art. but when you start incorporating elements from a source that isnt your explicit artistic will, you begin introducing an alien will into your work. computers arent human, they dont think in human ways, the things they create dont follow human logic. because petscop often embraces its errors rather than work against them, its something more than human creation.

and im not just talking about the fictional creation of the game, tony has talked about how he literally incorporated bugs into the work itself, because such things provided artistic inspiration. this in itself, i believe, is why petscop is so distinctly bizarre and at times unsettling … not even because of the subject matter, but just as the game exists on its own.

but i didnt wanna make this post about any of this stuff, i wanted to talk about recordings, because at 1 am i was thinking about recordings. A recording is a frozen, immortal copy of a dynamic object. It’s a snapshot. The object itself will change and evolve over time, but its recording will always exist just as it is. Videos are recordings. Photos are recordings. Generations are recordings. Petscop is a growing organism. In an act of preservation, you can record it as many times as you like, record the button inputs, record the generation, record the audio and video and post it on youtube, but the game itself will always continue changing. You can’t freeze the game because it’s alive. The recordings, meanwhile, are dead. Or, rather, they’re too alive to be real. You can destroy or lose access to their source but you will always have the recording. You can edit a recording, you can chop it up and censor it and arrange it so it’s out of order, but you can’t do any of that to the dynamic, living object.

Rainer explicitly created anachronisms in his game. Take christmas day, for example. Logically, rainer’s suicide has to have been planned. He has to have created the segment of the game before recording it and then giving that gift to the family to watch. Rainer makes the segment > the family watches it > the segment tells them to check their bathroom > rainer is dead. Rainer had to predict what would occur in the house so the recording’s superficially anachronistic nature is effective. He put in generic dialogue for his aunt Anna, planned what he would say like a script, and if executed correctly, the family would have this horrific dawning realization as they witness the recording - something dead - repeat back to them what just happened in real life.

It’s unsettling because the recording isn’t supposed to be alive. Whatever happens in that recording is supposed to be absolute fact, because it’s a copy of the dynamic object. If the recording omits certain details it can change the viewer’s perception of reality. But rainer tells us explicitly: “Everything’s a trick!” If a girl’s behind a camera when a picture is taken she basically doesn’t exist at all.

I dunno.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Congratulations

“(y/n)” the nurse called out from the door. You stood up and walked over with an anxious smile. She handed you a clip board of medical information that you needed to update and then said she would grab you once it was completed and turned into the desk. You sat back down in the waiting room and flipped through the pages. Ugh I wish my mom was here...am I allergic to anything? I mean I don't think so but maybe Im just unaware of it..I don't remember having surgery-well my tonsils were removed but does that count? You were filling out the page to the best of your ability when your phone buzzed. You looked down and saw his name flash across the screen before immediately ignoring the call. You rushed to finish the paperwork and handed it in as the nurse came back. “Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah.” you followed her down the hall where she took your height and weight before escorting you into the room. You hopped onto the chair and anxiously tapped your foot as she checked your temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. After finishing up she sat on the stool and smiled. 

“So, what are we here for today?”

“Uh...” you looked at your feet and shifted in the chair. “I think I may be pregnant.”

She smiled and nodded, “when was your last period?” 

“My period tends to be irregular but the last one I had recored was around two months ago.”

“Okay, were you on any kind of birth controls, or using any type of contraceptives?”

“I was on a birth control, am on a birth control but I missed a few days while I was on vacation which is when I believe this all happened.”

“Okay. Have you had any symptoms other than your missed period?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay. Have you taken any pregnancy tests at home?”

You nodded, your brain flashing back to that day. 

*Tears were flooding down your cheeks as he grabbed his last hoodie from your closet. All you wanted was for life to stop. You wanted him to say its okay, to make a change in the relationship, to stay. You sat on the bed crying as he walked out the door for the last time, taking with him every once of happiness you had. You ran to the bathroom, physically sick from the situation. It wasnt until you were hunched over the toilet that you realized the box of tampons had gone unopened. Missing periods was normal for you, they had never been regular. There was a slight doubt in your mind though. You had never missed a period more than once, so the fact that you were going on two means something was wrong. You had been under a lot of stress though, the distance, the lying, the excuses, all of it. Wiping the snot running from your nose, you had gotten up, washed your face, and thrown on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. You had mustered the courage to drive all the way to the drug store, purchase three pregnancy tests, and drive home. You had gotten three, you wanted to be sure. You wanted to be positive before making any other decisions. You sat on the bathroom floor after peeing in a cup and dipped each end, turning them over so you couldn't see the lines. You set a timer on your phone and closed your eyes. The only thing that could've possibly made this situation better was having him here. Of course he was gone already but you could still dream right? When the alarm on your phone went off you anxiously flipped them all over. Picking the first up and squinting you saw the dreaded double lines. Picking the second one up: dreaded double lines. And the third: PREGNANT in bold. You dropped them all on the counter and threw your phone. Of course, of course this this happens. He leaves and I end up pregnant with his baby..just like the movies except he won't be coming back. The rest of the day had been a blur. You had kind of just ignored the fact that there were three positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. When your friend Luke had come over, you had cried into his arms. Cried about him leaving, about the break up, and finally about being pregnant. “(y/n) if you have positive pregnancy tests you need to call him.”

“No. I can't do that. Im not doing that.”

“(y/n)...hes the father, he deserves to know.”

“I may not even be pregnant though..they come up wrong all the time.”

“Not this wrong though.. this seems pretty sure.”

“I mean I've been stressed lately maybe its just a hormone thing.”

“I think you should go to the doctor and check. And if you are then you need to ball up and tell him. Seriously he needs to know”

You had nodded and cried some more before Luke left. Then you had called your doctor and made an appointment.*

Now here you were answering questions about your sex life and body. The nurse handed you a cup and showed you where the bathroom was. She said the test would take only around ten minutes but that she would be coming back to the room to do a blood test as well. Great, what a fun day... You quickly peed in the cup, leaving it on the counter for the nurse and wandered back to the room you had been assigned. Your hands were sweating and you felt dizzy. Having your blood drawn was probably your least favorite thing. In fact, you fainted almost every time. You checked your phone and thought about texting him...instead you texted Luke and told him how terrible the doctor was and that you were going to die while having your blood drawn. His only response was “lol” and you rolled your eyes. Typical guy.. The nurse came back in with a smile and sat down. “Well it does look like you are in fact pregnant so congratulations! We want to do a pelvic exam and ultra sound today just to see where everything is at and then have you come back for a blood draw in the future.” 

“Thanks.” you smiled and relief flooded your face. At least you didnt have to have your blood drawn today. On the other hand, you were pregnant, which was a whole other nightmare in its own. Not that you hadn't wanted and dreamed of having kids. You just thought it would be under different circumstances and that you would be married. 

“Im going to leave this gown here if you just want to change real quick we can do an ultrasound and hopefully see where the little baby is at.” She left for a minute and you quickly changed, your warm body freezing against the chair. When she came back in, she had an ultrasound machine on wheels. She started with the pelvic exam, lightly pressing all around your pelvic region. Satisfied she got out a tube of gel. “This is going to be cold at first.” You had nodded and watched as the clear gel squirted out and the ultrasound machine rubbed against your skin. You watched the screen as she moved it around looking for the baby. After what felt like months, she found a small white dot looking blob and smiled. “There it is...looks like you are measuring around 2 months right now which makes sense to when you thought everything happened.” She looked at you and smiled. “I know it can be a lot to take in..I’m guessing this is your first?”

“Yeah...its just a lot I guess.”

“It is, but it gets easier. Want to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

You smiled and nodded. She pressed a button and you heard soft thumps. Tears slipped out of the corner of your eye and you wiped them away. “Thats pretty cool.”

She smiled and nodded before handing you a towel. “You are all set to go, we will have the pictures at the desk where you can make your next appointment. It was nice meeting you (y/n) good luck on your pregnancy and congratulations again.” You smiled and thanked her before climbing back into your clothes. 2 months pregnant...theres a living being in there...my baby...mine and Harry’s baby...oh god, what am I going to tell Harry? At the desk you scheduled another appointment and the receptionist handed you a picture saying congratulations. You looked at the little pea shaped blob inside you and grinned. Thats mine...thats inside me. 

Luke surprised you by standing at your car door with an ice cream sundae. “Soo did you faint? did you die? did you live?”

You laughed, “Yeah I lived. I didnt have my blood drawn at all actually.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” You took the sundae from him and smiled taking a bite, the hot fudge melting in your mouth. 

“Because of this.” you waved the picture in your hand and he grabbed it his mouth dropping. 

“Is that what I think it is? Do you have an alien growing inside you?”

“Lukeee seriously”

He laughed and looked into your eyes. “Okay okay but wow, a baby. That’s amazing. How are you feeling about it?”

“I feel like it hasn't sunk in yet....but that I’m really happy. I mean Ive always wanted a baby...why not do it now? I don't need a man in my life. Im a strong and independent woman.”

“That you are, but don't worry you will have me too. Im going to be a great uncle, its the best job anyways. But uh- are you going to tell Harry?” 

You shrugged your shoulders and continued eating. “(y/n)...it is his baby right?”

You rolled your eyes and nodded. “It cant be anyone else's.”

“So then you're going to tell him.”

“Idontknow” you mumbled, your mouth full of ice cream.

“You have to..you know he would want to know.”

“Theres a lot I wanted to know and he didn't tell me so I’m not sure yet. I haven't decided anything.”

“Okay...” he gave in and hugged you. “I’m happy for you I really am.” 

You hugged him back and smiled. “Thanks. I’m glad you're here...I’m glad I have someone to go through this with. And I’m so so glad you brought ice cream.”

“It’s okay. What are friends for right?” You nodded and jumped in the car after saying goodbye. You didn’t quite know who to call yet so you decided to just enjoy some time with yourself. You did the only logical thing you could think of after finding out that there was a baby inside you: you went shopping. You picked a local baby store and walked in, looking at all the onesies, furniture, blankets, binkies, and bears. 

“Hi! Anything I can help you find today?”

“No, thank you I’m just looking.”

“Okay well we are having a two for one deal on onesies and bibs so make sure to check those out.”

“I will thank you.” you smiled at the girl working but she kept looking back at you. 

“Are you (y/n)...the girl dating Harry Styles?” she asked shyly.

“I was dating him, not anymore actually.” She nodded and gave you the look, you know the one of pity and sorrow? You went back to shopping looking at all of the little outfits, there were so many choices. You also had no idea if you were having a boy or a girl..something told you it was a boy but obviously you had no clue whatsoever. You decided on a cute grey onesie with little animals on it...gender neutral. You also grabbed a cute binkie that had a stuffed bear attached to it. 

“These are super cute.” the girl said while checking out. “There's a whole collection that goes with this if youre interested.”

“No, that's okay this is enough for now?”

She nodded and wrapped the stuff in a bag. “So how far along are you?”

“Not very far, only a few months.”

“Well congrats! I hope everything goes smoothly and I hope to see you back here soon for more stuff.”

You smiled and nodded. “I for sure will be back.” 

You drove home, your phone blowing up the entire way with twitter notifications, instagram tags, and more. Inside you scrolled through it, only to find pictures of you shopping for the baby clothes. Your name attached to headlines stating you were expecting but not far along. Great...this is not what I need...how do they even know.... you were scrolling through more twitter notifications. Harry’s name was now being brought into this. Another daddy in One Direction? Harry Styles Expecting? ugh...this literally cannot be happening.. and then everything got worse.. Harry’s name and photo popped up on your screen as he called. “Harry?” you answered anxiously.

---

Part 1 of my new series, hope you all enjoy! Goal is to have another part posted tonight or tomorrow! This is kind of just an intro to the story, I’m hoping to have them be a little longer but let me know what you all would rather: longer and less stories (may take more time to upload) or shorter and more stories (updated a little faster)

Let me know what you think so far and what you think will happen.

xoxo