#I really think my idea of making a scheduled email should work because it does say reading or sending and email can keep it active

[loser-brain]

So, Google just released a new way to mess with everyone.

Google accounts with inactivity (for 2 years) will be deleted.

This is a positive and a negative honestly.

Positive: Finally, accounts that were just made solely to either have free trials or just to make many accounts to follow your favorite on. Are finally going to disappear. In other words, allowing other people to use that email name.

Negative: I have an old email that is holding information. Because of storage issues. I'm not paying extra for storage. Fuck off with that.

So how can you prevent your Google account from deletions?

Enter to your Gmail once a year (the simplest way to keep it active), use google drive, watch YouTube videos (link with that Gmail), share a (google) photo, use Google searches with that Gmail, read or send emails with that Gmail and finally, use the Google third-party sign-in feature with that Google account.

There are exceptions to this new policy.

"Examples include: a Google Account with YouTube channels, videos or comments; an account that has a gift card with a monetary balance; or an account that has a published application, for example, one that hosts an app on the Google Play store..."

For every single Google account, if your account is eligible for deletion, will be sent a warning email by Google informing you that the account will be deleted on whatever date has been chosen (for now every "inactive account and any content in it will be eligible for deletion from December 1, 2023"). If you have a recovery email, two emails will be sent. One email will be sent to the account that is eligible to be deleted and another to the recovery email.

This is their way of making it easier for you to keep that account active.

"Our priority is to make it as easy as possible for you to keep your account active, if you want to, and we’ll ensure you have adequate notice before any account is impacted by this change. So before an account is deleted, Google will send email notifications to the Google Account and its recovery email (if one has been provided)."

This policy was updated yesterday (July 28, 2023, around 8:01am EST).

My guess is that Dec 1st, 2023 is when the clock starts. But idk and I highly recommend everyone go to your inactive accounts just so they can be deemed safe from the purge. Also, recommend making a recovery email if that Gmail is important to you and needs to be kept alive.

An idea of mine but will not recommend it unless someone can vouch it's a good idea. Make a scheduled email and have that sent to your account like a 'hey future me' kind of thing. As long as the account is active and is sending emails it should be fine right. However, I think Google is more seeing if you are actually checking your Gmail or using your Google account. But hey, it's a good idea, right?

[talenlee]

July 2024 Wrapup!

I don’t know if there’s any kind of rhyme to go with July. I think when I set this post up at first I had some idea about the fist being a symbol for paper rock scissors, but now I’m saying it I don’t think that’s the case. Anyway, July ends! July has drawn to its miserable close, its cold and haunted month and – oh I should go schedule a COVID booster.

But while I do that, you should check out this festival of fun writing, articles and videos that are all about the stuff I have made and done throughout the course of July, paid for with the support of my beloved Patrons, and presented here, for you, to read, for free.

First of all, every week I do a Game Pile article, which is a treatment of a game of some sort. This month we had:

Princess Wing, a TTRPG that by one metric, is better than Dungeons & Dragons 5.5.

Traffic Department 2192, a game from the 1990s that was ‘made wrong’ – a hugely overwritten novel of a book that has cool fly-shooty levels between it.

Knit Wit, a beautifully produced game about playing with the social, which is predicated on its exclusions.

and finally Fox and I played Pet or Pass with the creatures of Thunder Junction! See what critters from that Magic: The Gathering set we have opinions on!

Also, for those of you hungering for more time with Fox and me, you can check out our playthrough of Day of the Tentacle (part 1, part 2)!

Then there’s the Story Pile articles, where I take a piece of media and inspect it from a few angles.

Barry, Season 4, which wraps up a show I really liked and did a good job of it!

The Phantom of the Paradise, a movie demonstrating that the surreality of the 70s just looks like the queerness of the now.

Shy, which sucks.

Love Flops, which sucks also but in a way that’s pretty interesting to talk about.

Zom 100, which absolutely whips ass because we all deserve a little treat.

Do you want to read me talking about making games? I did a bunch of that this month! First, even a little tangential, there’s an assessment of things that Brennan Lee Mulligan does in his dungeonmastering that I can use for myself. I also did a reflection article about Lysen Co, talked about specifics in making the Loom videos and the Youtube interface problems it presented. I shared a tool I use when dealing with students and other designers to consider the choices they make in their game, in the form of 50 questions. Then I even did a treatment for a game concept I’ve wanted to make for a while now, Intergalactic Paper Rock Scissors.

There were some thoughts about ‘evil people’ this month in world building. Specifically, I got thinking about Demons and Ogres, and the ways that stories represent them as threats for people to deal with. But don’t worry, there’s also some nerdy stuff about street food and magical theories!

If you like reading about older editions of Dungeons & Dragons we had two articles in the specific genre of ‘whoops, this was a mistake’ design stories. One, I did an article about the absolutely broken ridiculousness of Psychofeedback, a power so wonky that it needs an article explaining how it’s wonky, and the 4th edition class the Blackguard, which not only fails to deliver on its promise, but makes it worse.

Sometimes a shirt design is just a matter of a joke in my mind that I go ‘hey, can I make that design look good?’ and never whether or not anyone wants it. Anyway, here’s a design based on two ideas crossing over.

July was a big month, wasn’t it? I try to not let real world events play into things on this blog – the impersonal, kinda thing. Still, July featured a major windstorm, two major international news incidents that distracted me at length, power outages and a weekend where I couldn’t get into my work email right before the start of semester. Which means that as this month winds down I’ve been kind of exhausted, but in a totally new way. Like, I don’t have to worry about this happening, I don’t imagine anyone’s going to shoot at a Presidential candidate for the first time in my lifetime again.

Wait hang on, maybe I was alive when Reagan got shot at.

A chunk of July is spent between teaching. That means there’s no income but it also means there’s no demands. July was largely spent grinding my way through some PhD writing and trying to address my backlog on the blog. That felt productive, and man, literature review writing is really fun and interesting after Methodology writing. I found a new favourite academic, and I’m going to feel really embarrassed if she ever finds my work and roasts it.

That was an impact on my videos next month; I thought I’d have a lot to say about one of the topics, but it turns out the game is very fluid and easy, and mostly it pulled me back to two sources I really like – The Art of Failure and Paratexts: Thresholds of Interpretation. Which is itself, a whole thing. It’s wild to write this month’s wrapup post and realise that I’m already a step ahead. As I write this, my scripted videos for August are made, and they’re scheduled on Youtube, ready to go. Part of what let me do that was getting the videos for July done ahead of time — which did mean moving something from July to September.

We’ll see how that goes when it drops.

It’s a little thing too but I’ve been practicing card handling all month. Whenever I’m nervous I try to shuffle a deck of cards controlling the same pair of cards to the top, every time. This has been such an extensive practice that now, one of those two cards has my fingernails worn in the top of it, which tells you that this deck of cards is in fact, a bit bad.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[fireheartedpup]

Weird to have a supportive family that triggers the fuck out of you. Dad asked me to get dinner, which he paid for, and we ate together. He gave me meat from the freezer.

I tried to help with the puppies, and he didn't like me messing with their routine, and I'm nervous about them resource guarding, and they still have puppy pads in the house because for some reason the rescue they're working with recommends this???

I don't remember the rescue's name, but one of the first things you learn in house training is that if you use pads AND try to get them to pee outside, it can confuse them. You keep them in a room with you, tether them to you, or keep them in a crate until they're potty trained.

They are not doing this.

Little Bit is still scared of the puppies, and it's not funny anymore. I really only thought it was funny the first time because I was able to control the situation and I was trying to keep her safe.

Mom thinks it's fine and that she should get used to them, and tried to bring her up close to the puppies more than once. This is NOT how you're supposed to do it.

They got upset that I put the puppies back in their pen so we could leave in peace. It's the perfect place for them to get used to each other, since they can see each other but can't get to each other, but God forbid I don't follow the schedule exactly.

My dog was shaking when we came in. I was holding her, and the puppies were at my feet. I don't think bringing her over there is worth the stress.

Dad didn't want puppies, mom did, and she's the one who agreed to foster. Mom is also flying a lot, so dad is left to take care of the puppies on his own for long periods of time.

Before all of this, mom invited me to an event so I could meet her friends' adult kids. I know that no one there is going to be masking, or even give a shit about covid.

Called grammy. She's sympathetic about my dog's health issues. She said she'd help. She also said that she doesn't believe in covid.

Dad sent me a promotional email for a job fair. It's in person and I'm sure it's another crowd that doesn't give a shit about masking. I don't even know if I'd be interested in any of the companies there. Maybe some of the remote roles.

I was going to talk about the budget and what's realistic, but dad was tired and sad so I just told him I'd made a little money this week. Someone tipped me $20. It's the most hope I've had in a while. It's also a drop in the bucket. It's a huge deal to me, but I'm going to have to do this about a thousand times over if I want to survive on my own.

I avoided mentioning what it was because I do not want my parents anywhere near my current writing in any way, shape, or form, so I have no idea what he thinks I might be doing. "I get paid per view and people can tip me." What does that sound like? I'm not gonna clarify.

When I see my family I usually stay up even later than usual because I can't deal with it, but I have a vet appointment tomorrow. I can't fuck around this time unless I cancel before 9am, and I don't think I should cancel. I'm stressed about the money.

Dad's stressed about money too. The roof is going to cost about 10k to fix.

I should ask for help finding a therapist. I don't know how to make myself do things. I don't know how to stop feeling sad.

[lulubelle814]

Just Dizziness - Chapter 30

Together, we sifted through several recommendations sent over from not only Luke but ones provided by Dr. Shepherd as well.  Tom had a great idea to see if there were any crossovers from the lists which narrowed it down considerably.  That gave us 4 names to continue looking at to see if one stood out among the others.  We knew we had previously seen Dr. Day but wanted to start fresh with someone new.

“Oh, this one went to Oxford.  She’s obviously out,” he said as he tossed that one off to the side.

“Oi!  Just because you're a Cambridge boy doesn’t mean you get to be a snob about this.  It says right here that she’s had massive success helping people in my position, is highly rated, and even does house calls in some circumstances.”

Tom put on a pouty face which fell away quickly.  “You’re right, dear.  I shouldn’t let my school rivalry get in the way of your recovery.”  Placing a quick kiss to my temple, he moved on to another candidate.  

“You know what, I think I quite like the idea of a female therapist.  Just something about it feels safer, easier.”

“I say we go with your gut.  The therapist will be helping you more than anything, and we want to make sure you’re comfortable.”  Tom looked through the candidates and removed the men, leaving only two, the lady with the Oxford credentials and another one we hadn’t had a chance to look at.  Picking up the info sheets, something about her felt right.  She has an office and uses it for those who prefer a professional setting but also meets at people’s homes and alternate locations as needed for appointments with trauma and recovery, works pro-bono with battered women’s shelters, fantastic feedback from past patients, and a degree from…….

“Look, love.  She went to Cambridge!”

Pursing my lips, I wanted to select the other therapist just to spite him, but my intuition said this person was the one for me; however, nothing said I couldn’t mess with him first.

“I don’t know, hon.  I hear Cambridge is kind of chancy with things like this.  Finding you was one in a million, and I feel incredibly lucky, but I don’t think lightning strikes twice.  Maybe we should go with Oxford?  They are listed as one of the top programs for psychology.”

The look of shock on his face was priceless.  How dare anyone insult his alma mater!  I let him stew for a moment before dissolving into laughter.  “I’m just messing with you, love!  Cambridge here actually feels like the better fit.  I can’t really explain it, but she’s the one.  Oxford has all the right credentials as well, but there’s just something about Cambridge.”

Pulling out his phone, Tom looked at the info sheet for the number.  “Would you like me to schedule an appointment?  Or we can wait if you’d like to think about it?” “Probably better to go ahead and schedule rather than put it off.”

“Let's do it.”  Inputting the number, he called.  It rang two or three times before someone picked up.  “Good afternoon!  Yes, my wife and I would like to make an appointment with Dr. Natalie Bertram, please.”

Gripping his hand, I listened in as he answered their questions.  “That would be perfect.  Thank you very much.”  Hanging up the phone, he turned to me.  “They had a cancellation and have an opening in 2 days in the afternoon.  She’ll meet us here at the house for the initial visit and then take it from there.  Her office will be emailing us the paperwork shortly to fill out and send back to them which I can take care of if you’d like?”

“I can help with the paperwork.  You’ve done so much already.”

“I am beyond happy to help and take care of you.  We’re a team, partners. How about we tag team it then?”

“Sounds great!”

Sure enough, the paperwork came in about 20 minutes later.  With both of us working on it, it took roughly an hour to get it all filled out and sent back.  While he worked on the standard insurance forms, I started on the mental health and history questionnaires.  Once he finished the insurance forms, we worked on the questionnaires together.  By the time we finished, we were both famished and ordered Chinese take away.

The following morning, Tom called a company Luke recommended to him about coming to fix the garden fencing.  It was pure luck that they had someone nearby who had some time between projects and arrived roughly thirty minutes later.  He introduced himself as Keith and took a look at the back fencing Tom showed him as well as the other sections and the side gate. 

"Fixing those parts of the fence by the gate you showed me is definitely not a problem. We can have someone over early next week.”  

With that all set up, we looked at options to have a dog door installed, whether to have one built into the wall or simply have one placed into the sliding glass door.

“Well, that seems like an easy one.  It seems to be better to have one placed into the door.  Plus they have all sorts of techy ones so that only Bobbers can get in and out and none of those stray cats that like to antagonize him that I’ve seen.”  Tom quickly agreed.

We spent the evening looking at various options, eating take away, and watching telly.

I woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, confused again. Unable to help myself, I began to shake and cry. As if sensing it, he woke up as well, embracing me from behind. I leaned into him, turning to face him and bury my head in the crook of his neck. 

He tried to ask if I wanted to talk about it, but words escaped me. So he rocked me back and forth, cooing in my ear that everything would be okay. 

It was a while before I was able to calm down. "Would you like some tea?" I nodded, and he left. Bobby wasted no time in taking his place. When he returned a few minutes later, Bobby refused to move, but once I finished my tea, I moved him to the other side so he could be the tiny spoon, me the middle spoon, and Tom the big spoon.  Although Tom fell asleep shortly after, sleep didn't come so easily to me, and I wasn't sure I wanted it to.

Chapter 31

[pbandjesse]

We made an offer on a house!! I am very excited. Also nervous. I'm trying to be chill about it. Because if it doesn't work out that just means it wasn't meant to be. But what if it was!! We just finished filling out the paperwork. Crazy. We could be settling by mid January. Crazy crazy crazy.

Today was a pretty good day! I slept alright. And felt pretty good when I woke up. I gave myself an extra 15 and took my time getting ready. James came and watched me put my jewelery on and they were being very sweet. They would leave a little before me and had a very cold ride to work.

It was very frosty out. When I left I was glad I wore my fleece hood. And that I had an extra fleece sweatshirt at work.

When I got in I would have my breakfast and check my email. I pulled up the two listings for the houses we were looking at tonight to try to sort out the layouts. And that's when I realized you had to walk through the bathrooms to get to the bedrooms. So bizarre. I was looking forward to seeing both places though.

I went up to the attic to start working on laying out my quilt and started to sew it together. Which always takes forever. And this one is much stranger in shapes so it's much hard to figure out how to lay everything out. But it was fun having something to do.

Around 9 I heard someone come in and it was Heather. But I didn't stop working until I heard someone else come in I didn't recognize. This turned out to be John, the consultant that is going to work with camp for the next year.

He is a really nice guy. And I'm excited to see what happens with his direction.

Alexi would come in soon and she told me that I should come meet them at the lodge at 945. Excellent. Can do. So I had some time to continue to sew and watch the video I was watching.

I texted Sarah to let her know we were to go over there at 945. Because she may have not been awake yet and she loves a half hour away. And she let me know she would meet me there.

Heather texted me pretty quickly to ask me to bring tissues over to the lodge. Can do. I bundled up and walked over there. Then back to see for a half hour.

When my alarm went off I bundled up again and walked across the crunchy, frosty grass to the meeting.

And I really enjoyed it. He talked a lot about "I get to" rather then "I have to" statements. Which I really appreciated. And we got to talk about the things we think camp does well and the things we think camp needs to improve. We were able to be really frank about it and it was a really good conversation.

Alexi had to go take a call but when she came back we got to get into goals and schedule and how we want to approach things moving forward. The limits of our time and focus. It feels nice to have some direction for how bored I've been this week and a half. This felt productive and good and like we are just improving camp all the time.

There was lots of writing on white boards and a PowerPoint presentation. And a plan for him to come back next month. I really hope we can implement his ideas because I love the plan and I want to see it happen.

We broke down the meeting area and started putting things away. I carried the white boards back to the office. I left pretty quickly mainly because I was hungry and wanted to eat lunch. I had a mug of water during the meeting and I had found a bag of marshmallows to snack on but I wanted real food.

When I got back to the office it smelled really strongly of WD-40. Because Joe had installed the new toilet seat!!! We finally have a lid! Incredible! So much better. I made sure to tell Joe how much I appreciated it because I had tried to do it myself but the nuts were incredibly rusty and I could not move them.

Lunch was great. Perfect leftovers. And when I was done eating I worked on some of the ideas and"homework" John had given us. I was to try to make a schedule for our counselor in training program. And so I worked on that and started playing with chatgbt to brainstorm some acronyms for the program.

It used to be called the CIT program. Counselors in training. Lit was floated. Leaders in training. TNT. Teens training teens. chatgbT suggested some interesting ones but nothing seemed right. Then Heather leaned out of her office and suggested "camp leaders in training". CLIT. Heather telling a dirty joke is the best Christmas gift.

I went upstairs to sew in the attic for a little longer. But at 330 it was time to go. I let Alexi know I was heading to Manor Mill and I would see her tomorrow. Goodbyes all around.

I drove the 6 minutes to Manor Mill and was the only one in the ceramics studio for a bit. I waxed my 5 final pieces and when I was finishing that up a mom and her son came in to glaze as well.

I had sat at the broken wheel by the wedging table so I could be out of the way if someone wanted to throw during the open studio. But even though the entire room was open, and there are 6 other seats. This mom decided to move a chair to the wedging table literally back to back with me and have her son glaze there??? That is not what that table is for?? It was just really rude and I had to keep maneuvering around them and it was just really really obnoxious.

But thankfully it didn't take long. I don't like dip glazing but man is it fast.

I left and thought I might beat James home. But they got home one minute before me because I had been stuck in traffic. Not an ideal drive home but it's fine.

When I got back here James was just jumping on to do the first half of their podcast. And so I unpacked some stuff and wrapped a few gifts and chilled on the couch until it was time to go see two more houses.

We left right on time. James was a little frazzled because they had left their notebook at work but they would get it in our way home so it was all good. And we got to the houses right on time.

I am glad we saw these houses but neither were for us. The first one on glover was really cute and had some interesting details. But it was a bizarre layout and was very small. Plus the steps were very very tall and there really wasnt a space for my studio. I liked it but it just wasn't right. We would out grow it to fast.

Next we walked to rose street. James thought they were going to like this one. But it just wasn't right either. You had to go through the bathrooms to get to the bedrooms. The layout felt wasted. The basement was finished which was great. But I just didn't love it. This wasn't right either.

So we had a meeting of the minds. The house we liked on Sunday had been pulled off the market but they were willing to hear our offer still. Nothing in guaranteed. But Harold thinks it is the best bang for our buck, a really nice street, puts us in walking distance to a lot of fun stuff, it's a good size that we can forward and change with, and has things we can update and change and play with. He seemed really excited for my renovation ideas and even has some contractors to recommend. Harold is great. Just a really good man. He told us his moral stuff with selling and never wanting someone to end up in something that will hurt them. Physically or financially. And in celebration he gave James crab cakes. He would send us the documents to sign within a few hours. We were really excited.

Since we were over there I asked James to take me to Mathews pizza. And we had our favorite pizza, the Thai pie, and discussed the house and changes and layouts and wishes and timelines. I feel really good and happy. And like even if this one doesn't work out, I still feel like we are finding good things in that neighborhood which is where I wanted to end up at the end of the day. I'm just feeling really positive.

We went to the musuem for James's notebook. And then right back home. We got back here at 8 and I would take a shower and get cozy. Sweetp and me are cuddling while James is finishing their podcast. I am looking forward to sleep.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. I hope you all sleep well and stay warm. Wish us luck with the house. Goodnight!

[cherrypeaking]

good morning my cherry bun~ 🥺🩵 i hope you slept well~

sooo funny thing happened with my personal trainer. you know how i said i could’ve sworn we were scheduled for 10:30 session on thursday? we were actually scheduled for 3:30 and i had no idea until she emailed me about it at 3:15….. a 3:30 appointment and i was several hours early lol 😭😭 i asked if she was willing to go through with our 3:30 session but she said she’d rather have a fresh start on monday, so we’re doing just that :> can’t wait to get back into the swing of things!!

i went to the grocery store with my mom to pick up stuff for pancake day tomorrow! :3 i bought some honey (for me since i loove honey on my pancakes) and i wanted to get strawberries but i guess they’re out of season now :( i’m thinking about using agave syrup on my pancakes since i have a lot left over from when i had girlfriend toast (that’s what i’m calling toast made the way you have it in the morning~ 🥺) oh and i found fudge covered oreos at the store today i can’t wait to try them!! (whenever i buy snacks for myself my dad looks at me in disgust like i’m gonna eat everything i bought in one sitting -_-)

we were able to find some beef bacon at the store and my dad was so jazzed about it that he decided we should have……. baked potatoes… with bacon bits for dinner 😐 yeah so needless to say i’m making my own dinner! it’s chicken salad since i’m craving something cold and summery :D

you know what else i’m craving? you. 🥺🥺 i’m craving your embrace and your voice and your hand so i can hold it among… other things 🤭 your voice warms me to my core i keep thinking about how hypnotizing your eyes are and how insanely beautiful you are… my sweet cherry princess 🥺 i’m so in love with you…

i was looking for tyunning photos to use for today’s moodboard and omfg.. please look at this pic bc i cannot stop laughing 😭😭

MY STOMACH HURTS WHY DOES KAI LOOK 10 FEET TALL TAEHYUN LOOKS LIIE HE’S 3 FEET TALL HERE HELPSKSJJS

i love you cherry bear 🥺🥺🩵 have a good day today~ <3

good morning my sweet crystal 🥺🥺🩷 i slept well thanks to you~ i’m at work at the moment so i’m taking the time to answer your ask 🥺🩷

waaaaah i’m so relieved you didn’t miss your appointment on accident that’s great :’) hehehe i’m glad you’ll be having a fresh start with her on monday then 🥺🩷 my mommy is gonna get so strong 🥹🩷🩷 i’d love to know what you work on when you meet her again~ she’s so lucky she gets to see my girlfriend working out ;////; 🩷🩷

girlfriend toast ;////; omg that made me smile so widely mommy 🥹🥹🩷🩷 aaaah i love you so much mommy ;////; 🩷🩷 agave syrup and honey on pancakes sounds so great!! i didn’t expect strawberries to be out of season so fast ;_; i thought they’d last all summer like all berries 🥺 i can’t wait to see your pancakes mommy!! 🥺🥺🩷

waaah hehe you told me a little about your dinner being weird and i have to say during summer having bacon and baked potatoes seems so heavy ;3; i’m glad you made chicken salad~ it’s okay if it’s not perfect because to me everything you make is perfect 🥹🥹🩷

my love 🥺🥺🥹😭🩷🩷 i’m always thinking about you too~ i’m craving you hehehe what you say makes me so happy and i’m also at a loss for words 😖🩷🩷 i can’t get you out of my head my sweet queen~ i love you so much 🥺 i’m in love with you too 👉👈🩷 everything about you is so beautiful 🥺🥹🩷🩷 i want you to always feel like the most beautiful person in the world because that’s who you are to me 🥺🥺🩷

OMGGSHDJSJFJD PLEASE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE REALLY HITS THERE 😭😭 the moodboard is so you and so us my love 🥹🥹 i love it~

i’ll be having a good day thanks to you always, my adorable girlfriend 🥹🩷😚 thank you so much 🥺🥺 i hope you sleep well yourself as you’ll probably be heading to sleep 🥺 i’m gonna miss you lots, but i also want my girlfriend to be fully rested and healthy >3< 🩷🩷 i’ll be seeing you soon!!~ 🥺🩷 i love you crystal 💎🩷🩵🥺

[bell-arina271]

Day 18 and 19 of Building Elsa’s Ice Palace

Yesterday I crashed for like 12 hours lol. I mean I had to stay up for like 28 hours for that to happen, but totally worth it, right?

(Hopefully that won’t happen again any time soon.)

I finally looked up vrbo and boy am I late to the party. I thought it was for regular rentals, not vacation homes. Oh well there goes that idea. I guess I can try advertising on craigslist.

Well I couldn’t do anything at work (personal projects-wise) because the internet kept going out, so a bit of a delay on my end. It gives me time to plan out my weekend.

I don’t remember if I mentioned that I considered getting another overnight gig or not, but I was thinking about getting a second job to overlap with my first one, since most of my night is pretty quiet. So on a whim I decided to apply for a tumblr customer support job lol let’s see if I hear back I wanna see what happens.

Once I got home I was finally free to get my butt in gear and get my business started! :D It’s actually not hard at all filing for an LLC and making your business legal and filed with the state. Only problem is for my particular state you need to pay to file for the paperwork. :/ Oh well, small cost in the long run.

Honestly getting zoom set up took longer. It was super annoyingly hard trying to get my calendar and mail connected and set up with it. The thing wouldn’t connect through google to let me sign in at first. But now it’s done, so people can sign in and schedule appointments. I tried to make a website, but I’ll have to set up my business bank account first so that I can process payments and start actually booking appointments (gotta at least have a place for the money to go, right?)

And honestly? I feel really good. I felt super productive and started getting things done left and right. Granted it was simple stuff but it still didn’t leave me feeling exhausted like it normally does. Maybe all that praying finally worked lol. Only issue is that for any website, app, or service etc. that I can find to help me book appointments or schedule things is still a paid service (which makes sense since this is for businesses) which means I can’t do anything until next week when my paycheck comes in. Looks like it will be split between down payment costs and business start ups. But hey, at least I can write these off for my taxes!

Checking craigslist there seems to be a few people renting and a couple people looking to rent, so that’s promising. I sent a couple emails out to people so I’ll wait to hear back from them. As long as I can find a tenant a couple weeks after closing, I’ll be golden.

Speaking of closing, my loan is now with the underwriters. Basically they're the final approval process for the loan. Everything should go smoothly, and I assume I'll hear back sometime next week.

Well I’d better eat and head to bed. There’s going to be a lot more involved in the business start up than I even realized, but what else is new, lol. Wish me luck in my new ventures!

[illustratorintheprocess]

WEEK 23: Card Cutting & Monday Group Session

Let's start by appreciating the clean cut cards. All dry and shaped up they feel amazing and expensive in my hands. The hope is that they are interesting to touch and memorable in design so that they won't be thrown out as easily as some flimsy, cheap alternative. And if someone does throw one of these away I think they'd feel at least a little bit bad about it. I'll probably bring them with me to networking events and job interviews to be able to give people a little something to remember me by and make it easy to find my work + get a feel for what my style looks like.

Scott did an amazing job in cutting the cards with care and great attention to detail. As per Tony's request I left some behind for the technicians to use for teaching future generations of students. So if any prospect UAL, LCC students read this - you might see these again if you're trying to litho print some business cards yourself, haha!

*definitely DM me if you do see them irl though! That'd be CRAZY!!*

Now to the Monday Group Session. I have a love-hate relationship with them for a number of reasons but first, let's look at my attendance: Before the Spring Break I attended 4 or 5 Monday sessions (to be honest I lost track but I wasn't there for all of them):

-I'm pretty sure I was there for the FMP official brief but at that time I was still working on my EC dissertation submission so it's a haze and I had no time to think about the FMP at that point yet.

-On the 16th of January a few of us were waiting in the usual room only to get an email by our year leader 30 minutes into when our session should have started saying the following:

Everyone who was waiting in D305 left after we saw that email, myself included but as it turns out later a substitute tutor apparently came to get us but we were gone at that point. Very odd how that all went. I think we should have been contacted sooner and actually been made aware that there was a substitute tutor in the email they sent out. Kind of annoying cuz I have a 1.5h journey (one-way) to uni and that day I wasted the travel expenses basically. But oh well, scheduling errors happen. [I was also using a temp pass at the time cuz it was right when I had lost my student ID]

-There was one time I attended and the session was with our regular tutor, where we shared our FMP ideas in small groups and gave feedback to each other. At that point I was sharing my idea-mind map with the group and making up my mind about whether or not I should make my projects on Cryptids.

-The next session was with VJ instead of our usual tutor. At that point I was playing with the idea of making a comic book for the FMP in which the Cryptids were everyday-people in our society. Remember the idea of Mothman as a window cleaner? That was also when VJ told me better not to try out smth new for the big project and rather to stick to something familiar - print making in my case.

- The last Monday session I attended before the Spring Break was with our year leader, substituting for our usual tutor, and at that point I had pretty much figured out what I wanted to make for the FMP:

- a Cryptozoology Zine including 2 cheesy quizzes(Digitally Printed)

- Cryptid Posters A3 or A2 (Digitally printed)

- Criptid T-shirts (Screen Printing on fabric)

Our year leader liked the idea, which was great and I felt motivated.

I know there is at least one Monday session right before the Spring Break that I missed because of my stomach issue, that had me going to a walk-in clinic, as mentioned in previous posts. And I think another Monday session might have been cancelled because of the OXO exhibit or smth.

I don't have a 100% attendance rate but when I show up, I'm participating and enjoying talking about my work with the tutors.

Now let me tell you why I have a love-hate relationship with Monday sessions: On one hand I love seeing and hearing about everyone else's projects and work because it's really motivating to hear other people who love the same stuff you do talk about what they are doing and how and why. On the other hand, there have been times where the amazing work of everyone around me left me feeling like a damn failure. I think it's a double edged sword. Because you are rooting for your peers and boosting each others inspiration but at the same time they are your future competitors and if you don't thing you're measuring up, you're left feeling like garbage. So there have been times where I nervous cried on the way home or on a quick bathroom break because I was feeling like my work was waste.

Secondly I love talking about my projects but I know I am slow to find a grip and get started (especially in case of EC submissions, other projects deadlines are cutting into new projects beginning and you're starting out on a delay). So when I talk about my projects I am excited but also super anxious, thinking I should have done more, I have nothing to show and everyone is judging me and it can get all very overwhelming. With the Cryptid project especially I have run into issues of people in my group and tutors not really knowing the topic and I can explain what Cryptids are and bring examples like Nessi and Bigfoot, which most people recognize, but it's still unfamiliar territory and so the feedback sometimes reflects the unfamiliarity of the others with the topic. Thats fine. It just adds to my insecurities of - oooh maybe this is a bad idea.

My third point is the PDFs and briefs we are being presented on some Mondays. Because I'm a terribly anxious bean I am always on moodle, looking around and re-reading briefs so by the time we are being briefed in person I most likely have read the document like twice before. So during the briefing I am doing work on my ipad or smth and that can make me look quite unapproachable, which brings me to my 4th point: I can seem like a dick. Because I am anxious about the quality of my own work compared to others, intimidated by everyone's amazing work and selfconscious about being behind, I'm usually quiet until asked to speak. I don't think I come across as very likeable in class because I keep to myself and am nervous. But I like helping people with questions in the group chat and giving and getting feedback in group rounds is great. I just never really found a friends group in my course.

Now, why am I going about such a rant on Mondays?

This Monday I felt really overwhelmed by the amount of work that has yet to be done for the FMP and I emailed my tutor that I'd rather just return home after my appointment with Print Finishing (cutting and picking up my cards) so I can work for the rest of the day rather than stay for the group session between 2-6pm.

My tutor said she hasn't seen me in a while and I should come to the session so we could catch up. I mean I'm not NOT going if she tells me I should. So I went.

My appointment for the cards was at 2 so I came to the session about 40minutes late but it was alright because the brief that was going on was about PDFs and slides I had found on Moodle and read over the Spring break already. Then there was a 10min break and our tutor went around talking to everyone. I sat kind of secluded so it took her a little while to get to me, which made me nervous on one hand because I was freaking out about the work I needed to do but on the other hand it gave me some down time to sketch and I enjoyed that very much actually.

When it was my turn with our tutor she opened the conversation saying she hadn't seen me since before Christmas break and that she knew nothing about my project, which threw me off because I remembered clearly the session where I was narrowing down my ideas and I explained Cryptids to her. As I mentioned Cryptids she remembered the session and agreed I had seen her once since. Maybe I was overthinking it but I felt put on the spot and low-key called out for not attending more. I was however at meetings with other tutors and made an effort to attend at least once more, the day we got that email and all went home because after a 30minute wait still no one had come to get us (this is not meant to be salty, it was a scheduling mistake I'm sure, but I made the effort to show up that day and I want to note that). Also the doctors appointment on a Monday right before Spring break was annoying but I'm glad I went there instead of to uni in pain.

Anyway, I don't want to linger any longer on my attendance.

I told her my project idea, showed her my business cards and told her about the matching tissue paper i had printed. They aren't exactly final outcomes that fall under the Viable Practice brief but they are part of it and she agreed that i should mention them in connection to the Viable Practice chapter in my final PDF. We discussed how much space each of us would have at the end of year exhibit (max 2 x A2 sizes on a wall OR smth to put on a table) and I a bit sad I wouldn't be able to show off both, my Cryptozoology zine AND a few posters. Most likely it'll be have to be a singular Cryptid poster and one of the Quizzes only. This brings me to our next talking point, the quizzes. She liked the idea of them but we had a quick back and forth about whether or not it should be one or 2 quizzes. I am heart-set on 2 separate quizzes but because we didn't quite agree I will whip up 3 options (2 separate and 1 full one) for her to review next Monday. My concern is that if i make one tree-diagramm quizz for 8 cryptid-outcomes the writing would be too small on an A5 sized page. She said I could have the quizz fold out but that would complicate the whole Zine layout and finishing process and with the lack of time I really don't want to overcomplicate things. She liked the idea of the screen printed t-shirts and agreed that if I couldn't print them in time, I could make online mock-ups to put in my submission PDF instead. - Glad to have that solution work, otherwise it'd mean more stress!! Regarding the posters I came up with the idea of adding descriptive arrows, which would describe their features, to the creature Illustrations so that they'd be a bit different to the zine illustrations. Now to the illustrations themselves I told her I hadn't decided on a color palette yet and she gave me the homework of finishing at least 2 Cryptid illustrations and in 3 different palettes each so next week we could decide on one combo. She asked for a zine mock-up and i told her i had made one for each, the research zine and Cryptid zine already but hadn't brought them in that day. I had however layout sketches on my iPad but I didnt end up showing them because our conversation drifted off to the research zine and it turns out I misunderstood that a bit. The focus was more on the resaerch methodology we used than the fruits of our research. A different approach than what I was going for with my mock-up. I was focusing on the research outcome, not HOW I WAS DOING THE RESEARCH. A shift of focus and I had understood what was asked of me. Still I think the research zine is the scariest part of all the FMP.

To conclude my homework for next week is:

- 2 Cryptid illustrations in 3 different color palettes each

- Write 3 Quizzes

- Don't forget to bring the Zine Mock-ups

+ I want to make a list of different research methodologies I used so I can check with my tutor if it's enough for the research zine.

As panicked as a I was about this Monday session, it was helpful. The start was a bit rocky because I felt kind of put on the spot and and indirectly accused of not attending enough, which added to my anxiety in that moment but we had a productive discussion and I'm glad my tutor took the time to go over everything with me. I like talking to her and the other tutors, even if it's scary sometimes.

[sincelastsession]

BTW I'll probably be ok the nonverbal shutdown doesn't last forever but it's really hard to communicate verbally when I'm overloaded.

My dad needs to have ptsd and cptsd explained and what it does to people and how crippling it gets plus my other diagnosis and that they are real and valid and I do actually need accommodation and to be met at least halfway. Like he's a control freak about me.

It SCARES me.

This session he scheduled is important though. I'm stubborn and I want to give him a chance. Probably one more chance too many but I'd like to be on good terms before he drops dead from health issues or his mental illnesses kill him.

I am worried I'll have a reactive abuse or snappy response to him. I'd like to work on that.

I feel he thinks I'm not holding myself accountable for my behaviors as a 37yrold adult.

I'm still treated and spoken to like a child.

He has no respect for me.

He absolutely will be fake with you like a salesman and watch him flip moods if you correct him even gently.

My Aunts told my mom he's been angry and reactive his whole life.

My dead psychiatrist who used to treat him said he was bipolar probably with a personality disorder and possibly would develop violent dementia and it makes me sad.

It's hard to help people that have beat you down and punished you for being autonomous. The micromanagement is insane.

He does cherry pick. I'd definitely not bring up the DSM book with him and how you treat symptoms. He think I'm schizophrenic or something and my diagnosis actually need to be validated in this instance because I need him to take me seriously when I put up boundaries and he tries to bulldoze them.

He's of the mindset that he deserves respect because he pays for things and is my elder.

I'm of the mindset that he's abused the fuck out of me and I've never gotten respect unless I was playing by his rules.

He does think I'm trying to control him in a paranoid way.

Please remind me to play you the audio or email the clips before sessions with mom and dad.

Off topic: Worried abt my partner, I feel my stress is kicking his ass. He told me I was fine. He had a question for me today and was all horny which I was not mad abt but I had to deal with crazy people

Anyway idfk what else to say.

I'm tired.

Maybe I'll write more after I smoke out for the pain I'll be in tomorrow from being tense as fuck.

I wish I could have my emotional support burger now. 🍔 I'll see it on Thursday before I meet with you.

Dunno if I should eat before dad session.

I mean I'm stressed out about it and I don't know if you're questioning if it's a good idea or not but if I don't have a session with him and don't figure out some way to communicate to where it's not abusive then nothing is going to really get better because he's still basically in control of my financial shit.

Also his apology was basically the best apology and narcissist could possibly give and it's not really even a true apology and I'm really bothered by it and I don't even know if an apology with words would fix anything.

The fact that he made a session with you and is showing up means something to me but I'm also so scared that it's going to go bad. I'll be bringing my extra anxiety med that day for after.

I am worried I'll disassociate during session to protect myself and keep myself from reacting to the lies.

I literally thought about finding the dog training clicker I have to bring and click to give you a signal that I may need to excuse myself to keep composure or just let you know if it's absolute bullshit.

You're in charge with the parents. I wouldn't know where to start if you left it up to me.

I don't want to not do the hard sessions and work.

Speaking of work I flat out told my mom I was about to say "fuck it" and do like onlyfans or something because there's a market for all body types and random fetishes. I could be a findom or sell my used underwear or whatever the fuck. There's tons of legit sites. I've gone back and forth about it. If I make enough money then I could just escape. I do wish I was more an ethical slut. I don't like the gross feels that my flesh prison gives me but other people are keen on it. Maybe I'd hate being stick in it less.

Lucy who is my ex roommate...her dad died. He was just like mine but an alcoholic. Dad acts like a dry drunk.

Lucy used to encourage me to do nude modeling like she did for painters because she thought the artists would appreciate my body so I could see it wasn't terrible in art form.

Because it's really weird I look at other people and their bodies and features mostly like I look at art I don't really often sexualize people As much as I guess you're normal average person

I mean yes of course I've passed by people and been like oh God damn they're fine but more in my head it's like oh God damn their fine is in their fine art

[humansun]

HAPPY JUUUUULY!

Written July 1st, 2023 at 6:40AM

The world allows me to live another day. Fate and destiny have determined that yesterday was not my last day to existing. I am hoping to live a very rich life until I am very old.

Ripe. A word that helps me process the difficulties and adversity that comes with my creative journey. Learning how to affirm that my creative ideas have worth and value has been rewarding in a small, but mighty kind of way.

This morning, I got to wake up on a Saturday to claim my morning and take the time to meditate. I took my morning back from whatever messages, calls, people that I usually want to serve and poured it into me and what my needs were. My needs were to declutter my rom, meditate and find my morning peace, and take the time to write in this document to exercise my writing and also reflect on the past day or two.

Something I find majestic and special is seeing animals in the wild that I do not often see. It does not happen often, but seeing deer or stray cats are always a day brightener. It’s a reminder that we live in a beautiful, diverse world of all kinds of beings. The animal I wish to see one day is an owl, but it’s understandable if we don’t have overlapping schedules.

To reflect on the past week, there has been an intense push. I’ve been pressing the gas when it comes to being Associate Producer on New Wave and it’s been a good type of rough! Not like working at a huge company draining, but giving myself the space and time to recuperate before drafting 10 more emails.

In terms of what’s been happening politically, there was that one submarine that imploded a couple weeks ago, but affirmative action has also been shot down by the Supreme Court. I don’t know all the details, but I know that affirmative action was what made the difference between significant percentages in minority communities being accepted into higher education.

It’s a painful thing to witness, our government working backwards, even if it all does make sense in the grand scheme of American history. However, I am positive it won’t be like this forever, and we’ll keep working towards a different world. Just because our youth every year becomes more progressive and one day, that youth will become the old people voting, which will continue to be more open each year.

The things that have been at the top of my mind include my storyline that I’m building to shoot but also the short treatment I need to add in my applications. I’ve been reflecting on where I’m at financially and how taking a long, well-deserved break from working full-time has been providing me fruit for thought. I also think financially I’m in a decent place. It’s not the worst, but it’s not the best. 

I’m learning that doing my best in every avenue for life should always be applauded - at least by myself. It gives me to the affirmation and recognition that I am only one human being, that I have flaws, and that the only thing that I could really do is my best. Especially when it comes to handling mom’s health documents and preparation for the future surgeries.

Yesterday, I got to experience pole dancing for the first time. I learned that I love trying out new things, even if they’re scary. The thought of jumping into the ocean at the crack of dawn during winter quarter of senior year sounded intimidating, but going head first into something even if it brings a certain level of anxiety is what pays off for me. Because I always learn that it’s not that bad after doing it. That I actually would go back and do it all over again. And that’s awesome.

There is some level of homeostasis that has come after a few months of subconsciously ruminating on my time in Vietnam. I have found a level of peace and happiness in the ant-infested house that I live in, with the people around me. There is no day or week or month that is perfect, but there is beauty in every realm of my life. 

I am immensely grateful for all the resources I have been blessed, the people in my life who teach me and cherish me, and for all the experiences I have had and have yet to have as I continue down this courageous road to creative discovery and liberation. I am indeed excited for what is to come, even if it doesn’t make the most sense to me. Doing scary things is good! I need to keep doing scary things!

[fencesandfrogs]

@cacopheny replied to your post “@cacopheny replied to your post “@cacopheny...”:

I don't mind responding <3 hell I want to help if I can. and yes, exactly, your mom was making YOUR issue about HER. when it was your issue and, frankly, as that anon person said, a symptom of your mental illness which is not actually your fault

I do understand where your mom was coming from if she doesn't understand mental illness, but now that you all know the symptoms, I hope she's more understanding! and that many microaggressions towards you are bound to add up into the kind of upset you're having to always talk to your therapist about, y'know?

and even knowing that your mom might be a good person (I only see a sliver of your life, what you post about online, after all) good people make mistakes and react badly to things. just because she might be a good person or even a good mom doesn't mean she didn't do things that were wrong

just want to preface this w something i forgot to mention in the other post which doesn't change things i don't think but i do want to clarify: i've kind of been using good/bad to fit two pretty big camps. it just takes up a lot more time to write out "my mom is a bad mom and/or made some mistakes and/or..." you get the idea.

altho honestly i have a tendency for black and white thinking with her so like. it's not that simple.

when it was ... a symptom of your mental illness which is not actually your fault

​hm see i'm not sure if i agree with that? i kind of froze up last time i thought about this but like. urgh. let me try to convert the emotional tangle to words. it's not my fault but it is my responsibility which means if something happens because of it i take responsibility and in cases we're discussing fault.

like let's say i'm babysitting two kids and one pushes the other off a swing. it's not my fault that the kid was pushed off because i didn't do it, but they're my responsibility and so if the kid got hurt, i take the blame for that.

and i dunno my mom has always told me that forgetting wasn't an excuse. and ig growing up i assumed there had to be something i could do to remember better, and there was! it's adhd medication.

yeah idk. if someone could expand on this that would be nice because i'm really not getting this one.

I do understand where your mom was coming from if she doesn't understand mental illness

this one i struggle with because like...i dunno i feel like she should have been? or no i don't. i don't know.

okay, facts:

my mom is a primary care physician. that means she does things like mental health screenings for patients.

my mom is the reason i was treated for depression starting when i was ten. she recognized the signs.

i know my mom got me diagnosed with adhd and fought for me in 504 meetings. i don't remember how that started. i have the feeling that i had to fight for it but i don't actually remember.

i grew up telling my mom i didn't know why i did something or i couldn't remember something and she always told me that wasn't an acceptable answer.

i feel guilty for saying she should have known. but adhd runs in our family. i...don't know.

something abt this is bugging me but i can't tell what. i have a lot of pent up frustration that our conversations about this now are her telling me she couldn't have known when i told her "i can't remember" or "i don't know" a lot.

one thing my emdr therapist said was that a lot of kids don't know why they do things.

okay okay i think i did this one for myself. you said, "your mom was making YOUR issue about HER." my mom took my answers and assumed i was lying, trying to get out of consequences or feign sympathy or make up excuses or whatever.

eg i forgot to give her the parent teacher conference slip thingy once and my teacher had to email her and she got really mad at me because it would look like she was the kind of mother who didn't care and didn't want to schedule a conference, plus she has to request time off work early so she can't just drop in for an afternoon. i felt really bad about it! but she assumed i didn't feel bad because if i cared i would have turned it in.

so in that case i made a mistake, and even ignoring any surrounding context, she made a mistake i made personal, about her, even though it wasn't, and i felt bad. and this isn't a way she was supposed to react.

i feel so proud of me i can't wait to tell my therapist about this.

just because she might be a good person or even a good mom doesn't mean she didn't do things that were wrong

sigh and THIS is something i really struggle with. let me see if i can find the quote from one of my other posts abt this.

i can’t win! you can’t find a middle ground between the impossible perfection i’m supposed to believe in & the ragehurtpain that claws at me until i feel it over my lungs. they’re too much to contain.

that whole post feels kinda weird to me now? like hahaha i don't know i'm not trying to find a middle ground i'm trying to understand everyone telling me she's not perfect. like i know i've been focusing on good/bad and i've been slowly chewing over specific incidents, but like...

i dunno it just doesn't gel that she could be a good mother AND make mistakes, and i've covered how the math always works out to "she's a good mom" when i do it.

i've got that itchy feeling that i'm missing something.

urgh okay it's bedtime for sleepy matthews (well...it's start going to bedtime for sleepy matthews), so thank you cacopheny and everyone else who talked to me about this. it's all appreciated. depending on how i'm feeling in the morning, i may or may not respond to stuff, but i do read everything y'all say on these posts and appreciate the input.

<3

[forbidding-souda]

not sure if this was done but Byakuya shuichi and hajime with a s/o who is a dancer? btw love ur acc sm i read them everyday🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Byakuya Togami, Shuichi Saihara, and Hajime Hinata with a S/O who is a dancer

hello i just got my tongue repierced and why is it 100% not as bad as I remember it being what

✯✯✯✯✯

-Mod Souda

✯✯✯✯✯

Byakuya Togami

✯ Long work days and complicated schedules are 100% more annoying to than they are to him. He doesn't mind the big intervals between moments spent with you, he likes the fact that you have a hectic schedule just like he, it makes him feel less guilty. He loves you just the same as he would if he saw you all day every day but this way is much easier on his strain. And think of it this way, with all the traveling you might do for your jobs, you would always have first class and the suites.

"Look at you," you keep your knuckles pressed into his palm. "You have more muscular hands." "Muscular hands?" He questions. "Yeah," you laugh. "Have you been typing more than usual? I thought you had an assistant for that." He looks away, leaning his head back and rolling his eyes. His dismissive attitude (in replacement of a snarky comeback) only makes you smile. You decide not to press him on it more as you continue stretching his hands, only doing it so you can convince him to do it for you later. He hates the fact that you had said that, because it is true, he has been typing more recently. It is only because he had been typing out emails detailing how much he misses your presence, but he is never sentimental enough to hit the send button.

✯ Does he come to any of your performances? No! Will he watch them if you show them to him? 100% yes, and he will devote all of his attention to those videos.

✯ But if it's ballet then he will go, and he will be even bringing some of his 'coworkers' to show you off.

✯ If he's missing you too much then he will join a live stream if he can.

✯ The public eye is a bit entertained by the pairing of you too. He is not a very physically active person nor does he seem the type to prefer being with one, so it is rather adorable and a bit motivating to see the two of you being so in love.

✯ Always has the most lovely meals for you to get up your good lifestyle, you need to get that extra energy in you to keep you going. Your own private chef should suffice.

✯ Oh, you were sponsored by a product so you can advertise their stuff? Well he's already bought hundreds of it so they can keep coming back.

.

Shuichi Saihara

✯ He gets flustered watching you dance. Something about you being so confident in your abilities is alluring to him. He likes watching you from afar, he enjoys more than anything being able to see you in your element, free from shame and hesitance. You shine on a stage even when you're a backup dancer. In every commercial that you're in and every magazine you're on the cover of you have the most brilliant smile he has ever seen. He adores you. He almost worships you and your Talent.

He tries not to sound excited when he greets you from the door. The fact that he was waiting there in the first place kinda gives it away. He missed you a lot (which there is nothing wrong about). You drop your work-out bag and kick off your sweaty shoes before switching to your indoor ones. "Don't hug me yet," you say even though he really had no intention to. "I need to shower first." But he still waits for you to leave the shower before he even thinks about starting an actual conversation. He does feel a bit shy when it comes to bothering you when you have a schedule in your head. He knows how important schedules are to your career, and he might be overestimating the small ones. He didn't realize how much you missed him as well. You exit the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around you before you grab his face and start kissing all over it. His cheeks are burning pink and he feels as if he is suffocating, but it's in the best possible way.

✯ You help with stamina things. He is not very active so he has no idea what is an athletic person's limits and strengths when it comes to certain things a crime scene can intale. Your opinion matters to him.

✯ He is willing to learn some dances for you as a fun little exercise. He has a hard time saying no to you anyway so he'll always just magically end up in that predicament.

✯ He will come to your shows if you ask him to, plus he likes seeing you in-the-zone (it's one of the things that made him fall in love with you in the first place.

✯ The closet is 90% your clothes and that's fine with him, he doesn't own a lot of stuff anyway, and if he runs out it's not as if he's beyond just putting on one of your black shirts.

.

Hajime Hinata

✯ Your talent is incredible beautiful to him. Not only is it beautiful, but it is also impressive. The amount of work you do and consistently is mind-boggling, he is not that much of a hard worker and he realizes this to a greater extent whenever he witnesses how hard you work. You put a lot of thought into your active lifestyle and ways you can benefit from everyday decisions in terms of being a dancer, like the things you eat and the amount of steps you take. He tends to find himself analyzing you. Is this what it takes to be the SHSL Dancer?

He is amazing and supportive even when it is inconvenient. He is resting in bed with his eyes closed, trying to sleep, but you just keep tossing and turning by his side. "What is it?" He groans, covering his eyes with his elbow. "My back is sore." Sleep on it, he almost says. A part of him wants to be considerate only do to the fact that you are annoying him, but instead, he feels like he should help you just because of the fact that you are in pain. He doesn't like seeing you in such a bad state. "Lay on your stomach real quick," he says. With a small slur of complaint, you still listens to what he says, and you keep your head on his side so you can watch him. He lazily makes your back fully accessible before digging his thumb into a small part of your upper back. You inhale. "Alright, alright!" He just smirks before he actually starts his massage.

✯ He doesn't like how many of your beauty/hair products you have in the bathroom. He is always knocking shit over. What do you need sunscreen moisturizer and anti-sweat dry shampoo for? Why do you have 10 different types of deodorant (and which one is his?)?

✯ If you are in public with him and start breaking out into dance he is walking away.

✯ Tbh with how much money you make he's probably making you pay for dinner.

[kiyosamu]

remember.

----♡----

pairing: rintaro suna x female reader.

genre: yandere, dark, light romance. // one shot, 4k words.

synopsis: abusive relationships can seem impossible to leave. when you open up to a classmate, your life takes a dramatic turn in the best and worst ways imaginable.

content warnings: assault, domestic abuse (not from suna), descriptions of violence, yandere themes.

----♡----

“hey, kid.” suna’s voice caught your attention as you passed by him in the university corridor. he was quiet, only speaking loud enough for you to hear right as you were walking by.

“hey, rintaro.” you stopped for a moment, refusing to look up at the tall man towering over you.

“i haven’t seen you in a while. everything okay?” he leaned against the wall and clutched a textbook to his chest. “you haven’t even been to class. kinda been missing my project partner.”

“you got my work though, right?” you asked him, partially covering your face with your hair. “i emailed it to you.”

“i did.”

“okay… good.” you cleared your throat, awkwardly shuffling and offering a suspiciously sudden goodbye.

“hey, wait-" suna grabbed your wrist to keep you from leaving. the small amount of pressure more than enough on your deep bruise to make you wince.

suna noticed your pained expression and immediately let go, stepping back.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to hurt you. i just wanted to ask you if-“

“it’s okay!” you interrupted, knowing you’d already spoken to him for too long. you needed to get out of there before anyone noticed. “you didn’t hurt me. sorry, i have to go. bye!”

your behaviour was erratic. your speech was rushed; forced and strained with every word as you tried your best to appear normal.

unfortunately it was much harder to pretend everything was okay than you’d originally thought it’d be.

you quickly turned and headed down the hallway to drop off the assignments to your other professor. the last one you’d have to see for the day before heading home. you were almost there. so close you might not even run into him.

you’d hoped, anyway.

----♡----

after seeing your professor, you walked out into the fresh evening air. the cold stinging your cheeks and the wind pushing your hair out of your face.

your cheeks burned from the freezing air, but it was your black eye was that hurt the most.

“i’m sorry, i just lost my temper.” his words echoed in your head, “you shouldn’t have pissed me off.”

you nodded, essentially agreeing with him. it’s true, if he didn’t get mad, he wouldn’t have hit you. and why was he mad? because of something you did. so really, it was your own fault.

you were the one apologizing to him that night. doing anything you could to make it up to him. all of this with a deep purple bruise forming on your face.

when he finally left your dorm and went back to his, you were mentally exhausted. you fell asleep and woke up right before your second class of the day.

he had started forcing you to miss classes, to do everything at home and only go in to submit your work. this was for two reasons.

the first, you could spend more time with him due to your schedules. if yours was freed then you’d have more time together.

the second was to stop you from talking to other men. completely.

...and then he found out suna was your lab partner.

“i don’t want you working with him.”

“i have to. the professor is the one who chooses.”

“then work from home and submit the stuff online. that guy is a manipulator. he’s dangerous and will take advantage of you. i just know it.”

you’d never gotten that type of vibe from suna, but you obeyed your boyfriend because you didn’t want to know what would happen if you didn’t.

secretly, though, you missed class. you missed working with him. laughing, getting to know each other. he’d become a good friend over the past year and since you had the same majors, you two shared quite a few classes.

he was calm. funny and quiet, but definitely not timid. his energy made him come off tough, but not scary. if anything, he made you feel… safe.

just for those few hours you had together.

and whenever class would end, you found yourself missing that feeling.

----♡----

“i have to go to class tomorrow.” you said, refusing to make eye contact with your boyfriend who’d invited himself over to your dorm.

just like he does every. single. night.

“why? you gonna go talk to that suna guy?” he approached you, giving you a terrifying smile that you know wasn’t coming from a place of happiness.

“yuji… please.” your words were barely a whisper when you felt his fingers wrap around your throat. “my professor told me i need to start going. my grades are falling behind.”

his fingers tapped rhythmically against your skin. dancing skillfully as he toyed with the idea of choking you. you held your breath, expecting the worst.

“you should try harder.” he growled, digging his fingertips into your neck and you clenched your eyes closed. “get your grades back up so you don’t have to spend any more time with that guy.”

“okay, okay!” you grabbed onto his wrist and his eyes widened. “i will! i’ll get my grades up so i don’t need to see him anymore.”

“good girl.” he smiled, the evil expression he’d previously worn had melted away into a false image of a kind man. “always listening so well for me.”

yuji leaned in and kissed you. you kissed back, barely, but just enough for him to be satisfied and leave you alone.

“time for me to go.” he sighed as he heard the dorm advisor do a final walk through to knock on the doors and let the students know it was time for guests to leave.

“see you tomorrow?” he asked, tilting your chin up to look at him.

“sure…” you whispered. you trembled under his touch and wanted nothing more than for him to leave your sight.

“good. it’s a date.” he said happily and gave you another kiss, practically skipping down the hallway back to his own room.

you shut and locked your door, desperately wishing that was the last time you’d ever have to see him.

----♡----

“well, well, well.” suna cooed as you took your seat next to him. “as i live and breathe, i never thought i’d see the day. you finally made it to class.”

you nodded and pulled out your books.

“had to. my grades are slipping.” you sighed, looking around at the science classroom. “what are we doing today?”

“lab day.” suna said as he nudged an instruction sheet towards you. “should we put on our coats and get to it?”

“okay...”

you started to have an internal panic attack. your wrists were as bruised as the black eye you were hiding behind your hair.

suna stepped away to get your lab coats.

this would all be visible, and you didn’t want suna (or anyone) to see any of it.

you nervously approached your professor and she looked up at you with a disinterested stare.

“ma’am, i need to be excused from class today.”

“absolutely not.” she scoffed, “unless you want to fail my class, which i know you can’t afford to do, you’ll stay and do your lab.”

you opened your mouth to reply but she kept speaking.

“go put up your hair, roll up your sleeves and get your lab coat on. you should be thankful you have such a competent partner.” she crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair, “actually, i think the two of you should spend some time together. he’s my top student and you definitely need some tutoring.”

“i don’t think that’s necessary-“

“mr. suna, come up here please.”

suna walked up with a confused look, unsure as to why he was being brought in to the conversation.

“something i can help with?” he asked.

“yes,” the professor smiled, “i’d like the two of you to do tutoring sessions a minimum of twice a week, an hour each time. could you do that?”

“oh, sure. i don’t mind.” he smiled, “was that all? we should get to our assignment.”

you felt backed in to a wall. of course you were okay with this, you enjoyed spending time with suna.

unfortunately, you were terrified of the repercussions.

even worse, there was nothing you could do about it.

when you got back to your table, you put your hair up and silently thought of a plan. keep your head down, don’t make eye contact. maybe he wouldn’t notice.

you rolled up your sleeves and put on your white coat. it was barely long enough to hit your wrists, but did a decent job of hiding the bruises.

the first half of the lab went well. suna explained things in a way that made it easy to comprehend and you were genuinely enjoying yourself.

until you completely forgot.

you began to pour the green liquid into the tube. suna was writing his lab report when he looked up and noticed your mistake.

“oh, hey,” he stood up, putting his hand over yours to tilt the container back up. “you need to pour it slower, like this.”

when it started to pour just as he’d wanted, he let go and you found yourself missing the brief comfort of his touch.

“good job! you did it.” suna smiled and you looked up at him with an excited expression. finally. finally you were getting something right.

when the two of you made eye contact, his smile immediately dropped into a look of concern.

“what happened to your eye?”

“oh,” you stepped back, covering it with your hand. “i fell.”

suna carefully held onto your wrist and you winced in pain. his intentions were to move your hand away from your eye, but he took immediate notice of your reaction and pushed your sleeve down.

the bruises in the shape of fingerprints stained your skin a deep purple.

“what about here?” he stepped closer. you tried to read his expression but he looked completely emotionless.

“from the same fall, i’m just clumsy.”

“and your neck?”

suna pushed back your lab coat to see the same fingerprint bruises scattered around your neck.

you were suddenly thankful you’d chosen the table in the far back end of the classroom. nobody was ever watching.

“yeah.” you said, practically a whisper. “i’m just really clumsy.”

suna leaned down and looked into your eyes.

“why don’t i believe you?”

“five more minutes!” the professor called, interrupting your intense conversation and the two of you snapped back into action.

you finished your lab report and quickly packed up your stuff before rushing out the classroom door.

suna followed closely behind.

“it’s your boyfriend, isn’t it?”

you stopped dead in your tracks and turned around to look at him. suna’s expression was no longer emotionless. he was angry.

“okay,” you sighed, grabbing his wrist to pull him to a secluded space outside. the two of you sat down under a large tree, away from everyone else.

“yuji gets upset with me and… hurts me… sometimes.” you choked out. “i haven’t told anyone because i’m scared of what he’ll do to me. i haven’t left him because i’m scared of him. i’m stuck.”

you hadn’t said these words out loud to anyone, ever, and the way they were flowing so freely had you crying before you were even aware of it.

“please don’t tell anyo-“

“i’ll take care of it.”

you looked up at him. suna looked completely calm, his voice smooth and gaze held on you.

“what do you mean?”

suna stood up and ran his hands through his hair.

“i mean i’ll take care of it.” he smiled, “see you tomorrow afternoon for tutoring?”

“wait, suna-“

“later!” he gave you a passive wave before walking back towards the university building.

----♡----

that evening you waited for yuji to come by your dorm, but he never did.

you waited for him to call you, but he didn’t.

you worried about what suna had meant. maybe he was going to talk to him, maybe even threaten him. you’d hoped he wouldn’t do that, but you really didn’t know what he was capable of.

surely the rumours about him couldn’t be true. an honour's chemistry major being involved in a more sinister, underground group that nobody even knew if it was real or made up?

he was too nice. there was no way.

----♡----

after class you headed back to your dorm to get ready for your evening. suna had asked you to meet him under the same tree from the day before. around 7pm.

you debated on calling yuji, but ultimately decided against it. maybe he’d come to his senses. maybe he was remorseful, and just wanted to move on. to leave you alone and pretend your relationship never happened.

that was what you wished for the most.

----♡----

you stepped out into the cold evening air. the wind blowing softly and brushing the hair out of your face.

you clutched your books to your chest and took a short cut through the back fields separating the dorms from the main university campus.

you checked your phone, you were early. suna would be there in about 15 minutes.

you reached down to grab your phone when it was immediately snatched from your hands.

“you did this, didn’t you?” a familiar voice snapped at you. you glanced up to see yuji, sporting a similar black eye and a bandaged cut on his cheek.

“i- no, of course not!”

he rolled his eyes at your reply, clearly not willing to listen to a word you were saying. yuji grabbed your wrists, forcing you to drop your books and pushed you against the back wall of the university.

“you did. tell me right now. everything you said. who you said it to. and why.” the look in his eyes was horrifying. scarier than any other look he’s given you before.

this made it seem like his previous bouts of anger were nothing but minor inconveniences.

“i didn’t-“

yuji pulled back, immediately hitting your chin with a hard punch that knocked your head back into the concrete wall.

“try again.”

your vision was hazy. mind blurring memories together and you couldn’t even form a proper sentence.

you felt a warm, wet sensation cascading down the back of your neck and were immediately soothed by the feeling. the warmth was comfortable, even though you didn’t know what it was from.

yuji’s hand wrapped around your throat and he pressed his forehead to yours. his fingers dug roughly into your windpipe, causing you to choke out the remaining air in your lungs. you felt yourself get sleepy, closing your eyes and letting darkness overtake you as your body went limp.

----♡----

“hey, wake up.”

snapping fingers in your face had you looking around curiously. you couldn’t focus on your surroundings. it was unclear who was with you, unclear what was happening around you, and unclear why you were there.

the sounds of multiple men. grunting, panting. speaking quietly between deep breaths and harsh exertion.

what were they doing?

“hey.” the fingers snapped in front of your face again.

“what…” was all you could manage to say. your body felt heavy. weak. you were just so tired. all you wanted to do was fall asleep. you submitted to the exhaustion, closing your eyes again.

“don’t go to sleep.” a soothing voice lifted the back of your neck, pressing something soft against your head. “stay awake and listen to me.”

“ya like beatin’ up girls, huh?”

whack

“wanna put a girl half your size in the hospital, for what? to feel like more of a man?”

whack

“a real man would never hit a woman.”

whack

“a real man would beat the shit out of losers who do hit women, right ‘tsum?”

“right. maybe we’ll even put him in the hospital.”

whack

whack

“oh, he’s gonna be there once we’re done.”

you finally recognized the last voice. it was suna.

he spoke again, his voice raspy and dark but still audible from where you were.

“i hope to fucking god you didn’t hurt her so badly that she’s knocked out…” suna trailed off and let out a small chuckle. “because there’s nothing i want more than for her to hear you cry like a little bitch when this blade goes right…”

the sound of yuji’s sudden scream was immediately muffled by what you were sure was the hand of the other man.

“…through you.”

your eyes widened and you were starting to understand what was happening.

all you could feel around you was danger.

you started to hyperventilate. panic was taking over.

“focus on me. come on, we need to get out of here.”

“who…” your head started to hurt now. badly.

“my name is osamu.” he bent down and cradled you in his arms, bringing you close to his chest and picking you up bridal style. “hold on to me if you can.”

“i’m scared…” you whispered.

“i know.” he murmured, carrying you away from the scene and back through the field. “i’ll keep you safe. we need to go to the hospital.”

“what about…”

“the only thing you need to worry about is stayin’ awake right now, okay? it’ll all be okay.” osamu’s voice was soothing. his body was warm and his strong arms supported your body in a way that made you never want to leave his hold.

you gave him a weak nod. even if you wanted to get away, you couldn’t. so you decided to trust in this man and hope for the best.

----♡----

“hey, sweetheart.” the calm voice of a nurse slowly woke you up. “you’re finally awake.”

“where…” you choked out, your throat was dry and you could barely make out where you were. it was all so… confusing.

“you’re in the hospital.” she said as she stood on her tiptoes to change the fluids on your iv pole. “you were assaulted. your injuries aren’t good but you’ll make a full recovery.”

the nurse leaned back down and held onto your hand. “you have a real knight in shining armour, you know. your boyfriend hasn’t left your side since you were admitted. he’s going to be so happy when he finds out you woke up.”

boyfriend?

your heart started to race at the thought of yuji coming in. you looked around, preparing for the worst when you heard footsteps enter the room.

“hey, sleepyhead.”

“speak of the devil.” the nurse smiled, giving your hand a squeeze. “i’ll let you two have some privacy. please press the call button if you need anything, i’ll come back and check on you soon.”

the footsteps grew closer and you heard the squeak of a chair being pulled up next to your bed. you opened your eyes to see suna giving you a compassionate smile.

“rintaro?” you whispered, “what are you doing here?”

“making sure you’re okay.” he crossed his arms, “been here since you were admitted.”

you tried your hardest to remember even coming to the hospital, but you just couldn’t. everything was gone after your head hit that wall.

“what… happened?” you asked, your eyes pleading for him to be honest.

“someone attacked you and your boyfriend.” suna leaned in, “do you not remember anything?”

“i remember yuji being upset with me…” you blinked, your mind working as hard as it could to remember something of importance. “my head hit the wall and it’s kind of fuzzy after that.”

“i see.” suna nodded.

“wait, how did you know i was in here?”

“some people mentioned an attack on campus. i got worried when you were late for our study session, and when your phone rang and you didn’t answer i felt like something was up.” he shrugged, taking a moment to think of his next words. “i called the hospital and asked if you were here, and then came right over when they confirmed it.”

“oh. okay…” you went to scratch an itch on your scalp and were met with searing pain at the slightest bit of pressure. “ow!”

“careful.” he smiled, taking your hand away from your head. “it’s gonna be sore for a while.”

“yeah…” you trailed off, trying to make sense of the situation. “what happened to yuji?”

“why do you care?”

“huh?” you glanced at suna who’s expression had turned sour.

“why do you care about what happened to him? he could've killed you.”

“i just wanted to know if he…” your voice was shaky and you tried to compose yourself. “if there was a possibility of him coming after me again.”

“not a single chance.” suna leaned over the railing of the hospital bed and took your hand. “besides, even if there was, i won’t let anything happen to you.”

----♡----

you’d found out yuji had suffered from severe injuries almost taking his life. he was beaten, stabbed, and his spinal cord suffered so much damage he was permanently paralyzed from the waist down.

while you were relieved the abuse would be over, you constantly wondered who had assaulted him.

you remembered telling suna and him saying he’d take care of it, surely that wasn’t him, right? there was no way suna could do something like that.

----♡----

months went by while you recovered from your injuries. you’d been discharged from the hospital after 3 weeks, and suna had stuck by your side every day.

“i’m happy to say you’ve essentially made a full recovery.” the doctor smiled, shaking your hand. “i’m so proud of your progress. you’re truly a walking miracle.”

“what about my memory?” you asked, “when will i remember what happened?”

“oh, you might not ever remember. you hit your head hard and from what we gather, you were unconscious.” the doctor stood up, clutching his clip board before walking out. “it’s probably for the best that you don’t remember what happened. you should focus on moving on, now. take care.”

----♡----

“well, should we celebrate?” suna asked as you walked out of the hospital together. you stopped, causing him to turn and look down at you. “what’s up?”

“i just wanted to say thank you…” you said, feeling your face getting hot. “i don’t think i could’ve done this without you.”

“you could’ve. you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met.” he leaned down, brushing the hair out of your face. the same hair that used to cover the deep bruises, now showing your true complexion. “and the most beautiful.”

you felt your heart flutter at his sudden compliment. suna’s hands found your waist and you instinctively draped your arms over his shoulders.

“you really mean that?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“of course i do.” he smiled, leaning in to give you the long awaited kiss the two of you had been dying for. his lips were soft and you melted into his arms. he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours. “beautiful in every possible way.”

you felt tears well up as you were being complimented. the sweetest, kindest, most handsome man touching you so delicately and speaking to you with nothing but respect.

you'd completely fallen in love with him, and it was everything you ever could’ve asked for.

----♡----

a few weeks after the two of you made it official, your honeymoon phase was in full force. you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. you were experiencing your first true relationship that made you feel loved and you cherished at every moment.

one evening, you decided to go to suna’s dorm to surprise him.

knock knock

“rintaro?” you called out, opening the door to let yourself in. “are you home?”

“in here, baby.” he replied from the kitchen. he was sharing an apartment style dorm with two other men, but you hadn’t met them yet. they weren’t ever there when you were.

“we finally get to meet your girl, huh?” one of them cooed as you walked in. he had dyed blonde hair and smirked at you as you walked by. “damn, she’s a looker, huh ‘samu?”

samu… why did that sound familiar?

“don’t be such a pig.” the other boy replied. you realized they were twins when he stood up and walked over to you. he smiled, holding out his hand. “nice to meet ya, i’m osamu.”

osamu.

no.

“my name is osamu…”

it couldn’t be.

“…hold on to me if you can.”

no, no, no.

the memories of the night of the assault came flooding back to you.

it only took a moment to realize...

...it wasn’t a random assault at all.

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Love on Tour - Harry Styles Mini Series (Part 6)

Part 5

** A Day Off.

Harry had a couple of days off before his show in Houston and the two of you planned on using that for some time together. You slept in late the morning after his show and spent most of the morning in bed relaxing before getting up to go out for a late brunch. Afterwards, you two decided to go for a walk around the city. You forgot how nice it was to just be out and about without a schedule or having to work on something. It was actually one of the first days in a while, you didn’t look at your email, or get on your computer.

“What are you thinking about?” Harry asked, bringing your ice cream.

You smiled, giving it a quick lick, “Nothing really, just how I’m happy we’re able to have a day like today. Where it’s just about us.”

“I know what you mean,” he said. “I’ve been off tour for so long, I sort of forgot how hectic it can be and we’re only a few dates in.”

“I can’t believe you did this every year during One Direction and you recorded albums,” you said.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Looking back, I realize just how fucked up our schedules were, but I was young and doing what I loved, and I just thought that’s how it was supposed to be, you know?”

“Do you ever miss it?” You asked. “Like making music with the other boys?”

“Yes, and no,” he said. “I love being able to have more control over my music now and how I don’t have to rely on four other opinions. But sometimes I do miss how it was having people know what it was like to be going through the same thing. Like having people to share things with. I guess you can say it’s like how people miss being in school with their mates, but they don’t necessarily want to go back and do it all again.”

“You know what we should do tonight?” you asked.

“I have a few ideas,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes, “Shut up. I think we should order a pizza, maybe a few other food choices, and watch some netflix. Just like we did back home and maybe if you actually stay awake during the movies, we can incorporate your ideas,” you smirked.

“One, you make it sound like I always fall asleep, I do not,” he said.

“And that’s where I’m going to stop you because you do, in fact, fall asleep everytime,” you said. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to turn the volume up because of your snoring?”

“I do not snore,” he laughed, flicking ice cream at you.

You gasped when it hit your nose, “Seriously? What are you four?”

“It was the wind,” he joked.

You laughed, shaking your head, “Why do I put up with you again?”

“Because you love me, you think I’m hot, and I’m good in bed,” he smirked, counting out on his fingers.

“Good thing we’re outside because I’m afraid if your head gets any bigger you’d be stuck,” you said.

“I’d like to point out, you didn’t deny any of those,” he said.

“I also didn’t confirm any of those either,” you point out.

“Tomato, potato,” he shrugged.

“You do know that’s not how the saying goes, right?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Does it really matter?” He laughed.

“Guess not,” you laughed.

**

Once back at the hotel, you changed into a pair of comfy shorts and one of Harry’s hoodies.

“I’m never getting that back am I?” He laughed, taking off his shoes.

“Nope,” you said. “It’s mine. Besides, it looks better on me.”

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head. You grabbed the tv remote, jumping onto the bed.

“Okay, let’s see what should we watch first?,” you asked, scrolling through the options.

“Want me to order the food yet?” He asked.

“Hm, let’s wait, it’s still early,” you said.

He nodded, laying down on the bed next to you. You smiled scooting closer to him. He wrapped his arms around you. After a bit of scrolling, you finally decide on something and of course, about halfway through, Harry had fallen asleep. You smirked, grabbing your phone and taking a video of him snoring as proof. While you were on your phone, you went online to order the food. You put your phone back down and go back to the movie.

There’s a knock on the door and you go to get up, when Harry’s arms tighten around your waist.

“Oh, now you’re awake?” you laughed.

“I wasn’t asleep,” he mumbled. “Just resting my eyes.”

“I have proof,” you said. “Now, let me go, I have to get the food.”

“Ugh, fine,” he said. “I need to wee anyway.”

“Thanks for that,” you rolled your eyes.

You got a few bills of cash out of your wallet to tip the delivery person. There’s a knock again as you walk towards.

“Sorry, coming,” you said, opening the door.

The guy stands there holding the food in his hands.

“Hey, sorry, um, I had to get some cash,” you said.

“No problem,” he said. “I have an order for Y/N?”

“That’s me,” you smiled.

He nodded, handing you the food, while you handed him the cash.

“Thank you,” you smiled.

You noticed his eyes looking you up and down.

“You’re welcome, thank you for your business,” he smiled.

“Uh, yeah, goodnight,” you said, closing the door quickly.

“What was that about?” Harry asked, walking over to help you with the food.

“I think he was checking me out,” you said.

“Hmphf,” Harry said, putting the food down on the table.

You wrapped your arms around his waist from behind, “Are you jealous?” you giggled.

“No,” he scoffed. “Why would I be jealous?”

“Maybe jealous isn’t the right word, but you’re definitely annoyed,” you smirked against his neck.

“Maybe so,” he shrugged.

You laughed, kissing his cheek, “Come on, let’s eat and get back to movie night.”

**

By the end of the second movie, you two finished the pizza and were cuddled up again. You were searching for the next movie to watch, when Harry laced your fingers with his and started kissing your neck.

“Whatcha doin?” you smirked.

“Nothing,” he whispered.

“Really? Because it feels like you’re doing something,” you said.

“You mean, like this?” He asked, running his hand up and down your leg.

“We’re supposed to be having a movie night,” you pointed out.

“We’ve watched movies,” he said.

“Correction, I watched movies,” you giggled. “And remember, you were supposed to stay awake, but you didn’t.”

“Fine,” he said, “If you want to watch yet another movie, go ahead.”

“You’re so pouty,” you giggled, squeezing his cheeks.

“Mean,” he mumbles against your hands.

You laughed, rolling over so you’re on top of him, “Am I now?”

His hands find their way to your waist, “Maybe a little.”

You lean down, hovering your lips over his, barely touching them, “What about now?”

“Getting better,” he whispered, tightening his grip on you.

“And now?” You giggled, kissing his nose.

He laughed, scrunching his nose, “Much better. Now, kiss me.”

“If I must,” you smirked, finally pressing your lips against his.

[pbandjesse]

Happy Halloween!! Today was kind of a wild day? I did not expect that. I'm pretty exhausted emotionally. But like in a good way. Like in a way where I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

I slept better last night. I woke up when my alarm went off and I actually felt good. I felt better. I was still winded quickly but I wasnt having as bad of a time.

James had packed me a little lunch. I was trying to get dressed and accidently ripped my necklace off and got really sad. I had to take a moment to fix it. But I was still able to leave on time.

I got to camp at 8. And spent the first half hour or so setting up in the art building. I didn't have as many tubes as I expected but it would all work out. Though I kept getting very very winded. I would not be able to go on the hike and I'm really glad Elizabeth backed me up on that one. It was not a good idea. Despite some protests from our group.

It was strange. Gabe was just like. We need you. And I'm like I can't. And I think once he saw how winded I got just just walking to the council ring he would take over and lead one of the hikes so I could go sit in the office and not fall apart.

It was a beautiful day though. After I helped walk the group to the council ring and we went through their whole morning intro, I walked with Elizabeth back to the office. I stopped to take a few pictures of some beautiful mushrooms. And then went to work on some research.

I had wanted to start working on a program about homesteading. But it became research all about the homestead act. Which turns out it takes place over a much longer time then I expected. So I needed to give context. So I started listing major events. From the first homestead in 1883. To the last one, which was finished in 1988. Crazy!

It was fun doing the research though. And as I finished my timeline it was time for lunch. I made Alexi and Elizabeth laugh when I told them just to much history has happened and listed all of the things that I decided to put on my chart.

After lunch we had our 5, 15 minutes rotations. Which was just way to short. But the kids were super sweet. I think they really liked the shaker music maker project and I also think Gabe saw how short 15 minutes with no transition is and how we need more time. We'll see if he changes his preferred schedule in the future. We have their group one more time on thursday and then again they will be with us in the spring. And I do really like the group, I just wish we were being given more time with them!

It was fun seeing the few kids who wore costumes. Celia had a thor costume on. Everyone liked my horns. It was a good day.

I did have fun though even if it was a bit chaotic. We used toilet paper tubes and construction paper to make some really fun shakers and everyone got to chose how many beads and such to fill them with for different sounds. It was great. And then it was done.

I cleaned up and started collecting my materials for my feild trip tomorrow. This took a while but not as long as it sometimes does. Mostly because some of the stuff was already out.

I drove around camp out my stuff out. And headed to the office to finish the last bit of the day.

This is where things got a little emotionally crazy. I got an email for a house that has hair gotten listed. Near Patterson Park. Just a little weird. But in the best way. And I sent it to James. And Jess. And my parents. I really liked this one. And it is in our budget.

Mom said we should go see it. I told James that and they said yes. I was vibrating with nerves. But also calm. I felt like we were doing it backwards. We don't have any paperwork together! We aren't pre-approved! We don't have anything to do with anything! I didn't want my hope to get up.

But also. Things work out for me. I am smart and rational but also. Things just go my way a lot of the time. I'm lucky, I'm blessed. Things work out for me! So James made an appointment. And I talked to my parents on the phone. We came up with a plan.

I talked through it with my coworkers too. Everyone seemed like not being approved yet was fine. But from what Jess has told me that isn't true. So I decided I would solve this myself.

I drove home and as soon as I got back I started looking to get pre-approved online. Just so I could have an idea of what we could be approved for. And it took most of the next hour but I got us pre-approved.

The man I spoke to with the mortgage company, Joe, was very nice. But in the end we probably won't go with them, instead we'll go with someone local. But he was super nice and made me feel like we are in a good place. It was fun but also stressful! This is like when we bought the car. I'm a good negotiator when needed but mostly I'm level headed and always looking for a deal. So when I'm got us a pre-approval letter literally 20 minutes before we went to see our first house just felt really awesome.

We did get stuck in a little traffic. James had gotten a little stressed in a moment when I asked them to get me an email but we were a team and they trust me to handle things. Which is great but I also worry I am running over them, but they just tell me that they know I have us both in mind so they aren't worried about that.

When we arrived at the house I was already like. Wow. Like it's not much outside. It's on a block with a few empty houses. But it has stained glass in the front windows. And I was very excited.

And who knows if this will be the one but I did really like it and I absolutely can see us living there. The thing that I think was the most interesting was that it was broken into two units at one point. So it has features I really wanted. Like a foyer. And separation between the kitchen and living spaces. It has a finished basement! It has a sky light! It has goofy features like the original stairs sticking out of the wall! It has 2 true bedrooms, and a landing that could be a second living room or library space. It's just super cool.

The realtor was super nice too. He suggested a local mortgage company that can get us more Baltimore specific grants. And he was pretty honest with us about the goofy elements both of the neighborhood and the house. But like. I feel good about this! So we told him to put us in contact with his guy, and we see what happens. Terrifying. Like. We might be buying a house? So much quicker then I expected.

But also it might not work out. It might not be the right one. But that is okay. I'm excited to see what happens.

We were kind of wound up after going through the house. It was time to go home.

When we got back here emotionally I was in a weird space. We sat in the car and talked it through. James is for it. I had called my mom and we talked the whole drive back. Just trying to work through the whole plan. But I needed to talk it out with just my husband. And we think it would be good. We thought about what we would change. What would stay. What rooms were for where. Putting in a balcony. How long it might take us to move out of this apartment. It is a weird feeling.

When we finally went inside we would start working on our Halloween pictures. This did not work out amazing. I got really upset. James looked like an angel and I felt very ugly. The backdrop kept falling down. I was struggling from the drop in emotions. But after a break, and a third costume change, we got a few shots I liked. And things would be okay.

James and me would do a little cleaning. While we were doing that people were absolutely screaming at each other outside over candy?? It was very bizarre. But once it calmed down out there we felt a little more normal.

I took a shower. James made some dinner. And we have been in bed day dreaming since then. I am going to have to figure out how to tell the pre-approval mortgage people were going with someone local. And that makes me anxious. But it will be okay. If that's the worst thing I have to deal with I'll live. Even if it makes me uncomfortable because I feel a little bad. They are a major company though and will be fine.

Tomorrow is another day. Who knows what it'll hold. I hope my feildtrip is fun. And then I have my ceramic class. I hope it's a good day.

I love you all. Take care of yourself!!

[moonbeamwritings]

I might be rambling,,, but jotaro with an extremely sweet wife who's a stand user that went on the journey and understands he gets really busy, but sometimes she doesn't want him to leave because she loves him so much,,, so whenever he's about to leave for work, she accidentally trips or hums a melody or asks him to tie her hairbow so he stays for longer,,,and he picks up on this so later on he gives her all the affection she could want and apologizes and offers to take her somewhere i just ♡♡♡ bye

this is so cute pls!! absolutely feeding my jotaro with a sweet s/o agenda ❤️

“Alright, I should get going. I don’t want to get stuck in traffic.”

It’s early, too early, as he stands at the front door, coffee in one hand and his briefcase in the other. He’s been working more recently, often leaving at dawn only to return well after nightfall. He hates it, but with lab deadlines quickly approaching, he doesn’t have much of a choice.

You stand just in front of him, staring up at him with an expectant, almost sad look on your face. Jotaro watches as a pout crosses your features at his words, but a smile replaces it before he can question you. 

“Can I at least have a kiss before you go?”

The question is so simple, so sweet, that he’s sure he can spare the extra moment with you. He sighs and offers you a teasing eye roll, ducking down to press his lips to yours. “I thought I already gave you one.”

You hum against his lips and bump your nose into his, “Mmm, maybe you did. Just wanted another one is all.”

He pulls away only to place another peck right to your hairline, “See you later.”

“Love you. Drive safe,” you tell him, just as you always do. It stirs affection somewhere deep in his chest.

With a nod and an assurance that he will, that he loves you too, Jotaro shuts the door behind him.

A sinking, almost nagging, feeling begins to grow in the back of his mind and the pit of his stomach as he commutes to work, and even once at work, with responsibilities piled high, he can’t seem to shake it. As he sits at his desk during his lunch break, he searches his brain for a reason behind the feeling.

Had he forgotten to call his mom? No, he reminds himself, I called her over the weekend.

Had he forgotten a deadline? No, I would’ve gotten dozens of angry emails.

Why had you been so sad in the mornings - sad enough to pout? Ahh, he thinks, that’s it.

Nearly every morning since he started working late, you’d give him this sad, puppy-dog look before asking him to do one final thing before he left. This morning it was an extra kiss; yesterday, it was getting something off a high shelf; the day before that, you asked him to fix your hair tie for you. The list of requests went on, all of which led back to a singular idea.

You didn’t want him to leave.

He felt himself frown at the thought of you at home by yourself, missing him and craving attention as he slaved away at work. He knew he couldn’t help having a busier schedule, knew you were more than understanding of his lab work, but guilt sinks its claws into his chest anyway.

As he finishes up his lunch, one that you’d taken so much time to lovingly prepare, he decides that things have to change.

When he arrives home later that evening, earlier than he had in weeks, he finds you on the couch, warm mug in hand, and the tv playing in front of you. You’re a sight for sore eyes, so cozy and inviting where you rest in the living room, that he’s almost tempted to never leave the house again.

You positively beam when you see him, placing the mug on the table in favor of opening your arms and reaching out to him, “You’re home! I didn’t hear you come in.”

He’s dropping his bag and hat in moments, work long forgotten as he allows his body to sink into the sofa and your arms. He takes a second to relish in the feeling of your warmth against him before he presses a kiss to the crown of your head. “I’m home. How was your day?”

“Good,” you reply, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, “Missed having you around, though.”

He sighs, leaning back to examine the curves of your face and the look in your eyes. “I know. I missed you, too. I’m sorry work has been so busy.”

You bring your other hand up to gently smooth over his cheek, “It’s okay. I know how it can be.”

You’re too nice, much nicer than Jotaro thinks he deserves, but he’s going to make it up to you. No matter what it takes.

“I want to go away for a weekend,” He suggests, nuzzling farther into your palm as he does. “We can go wherever, and do whatever you want. What do you say?”

You smile into the kiss you plant on his lips, “I’d love that.”

The excitement that sparkles in your eye at the proposition is contagious, and Jotaro finds himself restless at the thought of being able to spend time with you, unencumbered by work and responsibilities. His schedule and the specifics of your trip can wait, and for now, he’ll make up for lost time, rolling you both over so you’re laying on his chest, snuggled beneath his chin.