#I really need to turn off my autocorrect

[wht-am-i-doin]

everybody’s talking about lestappen divorce as if it’s not just foreplay, like????

[variantoutcast]

I lobe my mutuals so much

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

okay hi just a warning rq my autocorrect is off bc it autocorrected my friend’s name to fuckin malayalam on accident. i dont like autocorrect.

ANYWAY! ive been listening to my lovely olivia rodrigo lately, specifically her new song obsessed. i wanted to know if you could make a fic with Ethan x fem! reader where readers bitchy friend has this ex (Ethan) and she made him out to be a real dick. like, manipulating and everything.

reader eventually meets him and it turns out that she remembers… a lot about him considering her friend is a constant yapper and cant shut up about him. Ethan actually turns out to be a real cutie patootie and could literally never hurt anyone.

a few days later theyd meet again at some club or party maybe where they end up hitting it off… a little too well.. yeah so she ends up in his bed (smut part, very dom ethan plspls 😛😛). they could be talking about something really random and then reader brings up how her friend basically completely lied about him and said he was a piece of shit when he really wasnt. like a realllll fluffy end before a small cliffhanger thats never gonna get finished where her friend ends up finding out and texting her.

so sorry if thats too long or confusing idk but i actually love your work so much im lowkey your #1 fan. 😍😍😍

HELLO! I switched this up a little, I hope that's okay! 💕

Also, I fucking loved the 'leave it on a cliffhanger part that won't get finished' because WHY IS THAT WHAT I DO lmao

Obsessed - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 1

This contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Part 2

Summary: Your friend told you horrible lies about her ex-boyfriend, and once you get to know him, you realize he's not the monster she made him out to be.

Contains: Mentions of a toxic relationship, Dom-ish cocky Ethan, rough-ish sex, oral - f receiving, p in v, fluff (If I missed anything, PLEASE let me know. I'm sleep deprived atm)

A/N: This was the one that pulled me out of my writers block, lmao. It's still not where I want it to be, but I'm TRYING. I'll try to post more this week, but I will be busy so bear with me haha.

You didn’t know Ethan Landry, but you knew you didn’t like him. He used to date one of your friends, and after hearing all the horrible things he’d said and done during their relationship, you thought he was really scummy.

They dated in high school and couldn’t get enough of each other, so they wanted to go to the same college. They broke up right before freshman year started, and after almost a year, she still talked about him every chance she got. She’d tell you how controlling he was. The things he’d call her when he was mad. How he cheated on her. You couldn’t believe that she stayed in the relationship for as long as she did, because she never had anything good to say, except that she loved him.

You’d seen pictures of him, and after walking into one of your classes at the start of the new semester, you saw him in person for the first time. He was so shy as he took his seat in the lecture hall, some of the girls making their little comments about the rumors they’d heard about him. He didn’t seem like the type that would do the things your friend said, but maybe he was just really good at playing innocent. All you knew was that you needed to keep your distance from him.

When you met up with your friend later that day for lunch, you didn’t know if you wanted to bring up Ethan being in the same class as you, but once she brought him up, you decided to tell her.

“Speaking of Ethan…I saw him today,” you said, before taking a bite of your food. Her face dropped as she looked at you.

“Where did you see him?” she questioned. You explained that you saw him in one of your new classes, and she rolled her eyes. “Can you believe he still tries to text me?”

“What I can’t believe is that you haven’t blocked him,” you said, “I know I’d hate to see someone that treated me like shit’s name pop up on my phone.”

She started to giggle as you curiously stared at her. “I have him saved in my phone as ‘Tall loser with a small dick’, so I laugh every time he does text me.”

“That’s not toxic at all,” you said, as you started to think about what she’d said. “Wait, he treated you as bad as he did and has a small dick? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“All he had going for him was that he was cute,” she said, “But seriously, if I were you, I’d stay away from him.”

“Oh, please. Like I’d even want to be near him.”

Your morning wasn’t going as expected. You slept through all of your alarms; you didn’t have time to stop for coffee. You didn’t think your day could get any worse, until you walked into class and noticed the only empty seat available was beside Ethan. You took a deep breath before you walked over and sat down. Once you reached into your backpack, you realized that your laptop wasn’t there. You were in such a hurry when you ran out of your dorm and didn’t even think to grab it.

“Shit,” you whispered, “I’m so stupid.”

“Here,” Ethan said, passing you a notebook and a pen. You curiously looked at him as he offered a weak smile. “I always keep an extra notebook, just in case.”

“Thanks,” you said, a half-smile playing on your lips.

Once class started, you were taking your notes, but you kept glancing over to Ethan. He was so focused on typing that he didn’t notice, but you couldn’t help but wonder if everything your friend told you was true. At that moment, he didn’t seem like a jerk. Then again, he had only spoken a handful of words to you.

Ethan was aware of all the things that were said about him. He hoped that after a few weeks it all would’ve blown over, but once you have an angry ex-girlfriend paint you as some horrible, emotionally abusive asshole, it’s hard to come back from that. He knew that it was best for him to just keep his head down until he was able to transfer to a different school, where no one knew who he was. He was miserable at Blackmore, and he really had no reason to stick around, aside from the few friends he’d made.

After class was over, you tore the pages of notes you’d taken from the notebook to give it back to Ethan.

“Thanks again,” you said, as you handed it back to him.

“You’re welcome,” he said, shoving it back in his backpack. “I thought about just emailing you my notes, but I didn’t know if you’d want that.”

“You’re telling me I didn’t have to spend the last hour trying to write that fast?” you asked, as he flashed you a sweet, genuine smile. “Why wouldn’t someone want that?”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s because most people here hate me,” he said, sliding the straps of his backpack over his shoulders. “You’ve probably heard things about me.”

“Yeah…are they true?” you asked, as he shook his head.

“You’re the first person that’s asked me that. Everyone else just assumes everything is true,” he sighed, “But no, I’m not a bad person.”

You started to feel so guilty. You’d said plenty of bad things about him, but you only heard one side of the story. With your friends’ story changing so many times, getting more dramatic each time she told it, you were starting to realize that it was all bullshit. You still didn’t know exactly what happened, but you were curious to know what the truth was.

“You okay?” Ethan asked, noticing that you were lost in thought as you stood in front of him.

“I’m friends with your ex,” you said, as his smile slowly fell. “What’s the real story?”

He sat back down in his seat as the other students piled out of the room. You sat beside him as you waited for him to speak.

“I really loved her…but she was just so controlling. Then she cheated on me when she went to the beach with her family. I didn’t find out about that until right before we started college,” he said, looking over to you. “She was pissed that I broke up with her, then all these horrible things about me started going around.”

“That’s fucked up,” you said, as he nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still been trying to text me. I finally blocked her a few days ago.”

“Wait, she said you’ve been trying to text her,” you said, his eyes growing wide at your words.

“Her number’s been deleted from my phone for months. I have no interest in talking to her,” he said, “I know this must be weird for you since you are her friend, but I think it’s cool that you wanted to hear me out.”

“Well, I feel like I need to apologize…I’ve said some things about you that weren’t true.”

“She’s a good liar. She has almost the entire school hating me so it doesn’t surprise me that her friend does, too,” he said, as he stood back up.

“I don’t hate you,” you said, smiling at him. “I don’t know if you’d want to, and I know she’d kill me, but if you ever want to hang out sometime, let me know.”

“I’d like that.”

Ethan was kicking himself for not asking you for your number, or shit, even your social media so he could DM you. He thought you were beautiful, but he knew that hoping for a chance with you would be a reach. He really just needed more people in his life that believed him to make the time he still had at the university more enjoyable.

Your friend begged you to come to a random frat party that you didn’t feel like going to in the first place. After your talk with Ethan, you weren’t even sure you wanted to be around her. You still went, and after searching for her for almost an hour, you checked your phone to see a message from her that she wasn’t coming, and that she ran into one of the guys she’d been hooking up with on the way to the party.

“Why the fuck am I even here?” you said to yourself as you locked your phone and slid it into the back pocket of your jeans.

“Hopefully to hang out with me, if your offer’s still good,” you heard from behind you, recognizing Ethan’s voice.

“Hey,” you said as you turned to face him. “I didn’t expect to see the most hated man on campus here.”

“My roommate told me that if I stayed in my dorm tonight, he’d throw my Xbox out the window,” he said, glancing over to the muscular guy that was watching Ethan talk to you.

“Ah, so you were threatened into being social,” you said, as he started to laugh.

“I guess you could say that. Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

Ethan wasn’t much of a drinker; you could tell by the sour look on his face every time he took a sip. It gave him a little confidence though, as the two of you talked and got to know each other a little better.

“I don’t think I can drink this anymore,” he said, sitting the cup down on a table. You sat yours down too, and as soon as you did, someone bumped into you, shoving you into Ethan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you said, looking up at him. Your chest was pressed closely against his, his hands on your hips from catching you.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, “You can stay this close to me all night, if you want.”

“Are you always this smooth? Or is it the alcohol?” you questioned as he smirked at you.

“I’m only buzzed,” he said, before he leaned down, placing his lips on yours.

Chad was still watching Ethan from afar, cheering and thrusting his fist in the air once he saw Ethan kiss you. He started to laugh against your lips before he pulled away to stare daggers through his roommate for interrupting the moment.

“I can’t take him anywhere,” Ethan said, as you smiled at him.

“We could go somewhere more private,” you suggested, as he took your hand in his.

“Want to go back to my dorm? He’ll be here for a while so I know we can talk without being interrupted.”

“Sure!”

Once you made it back to Ethan’s dorm, you were starting to think that he really did just want to talk. You enjoyed listening to him, though. He was telling you about all his hobbies and interests, and you were telling him yours. You started to glance around his side of the dorm room, noticing the cliché, dorky things you’d expect to see.

“Nice Star Wars poster, nerd,” you joked, as he smirked at you.

“Oh, I’m a nerd?” he said, as he nudged you back on his bed. He was hovering over you, his mouth inches from yours. The sexual tension got so thick as his eyes looked into yours, his hand rubbing your hip.

“Mhm,” you said, the corner of your bottom lip in between your teeth. “A hot nerd.”

He felt his cheeks start to heat up, and he really didn’t want you to notice, so he leaned down to finally connect his lips to yours. It didn’t take long for the kiss to get more intense, his tongue brushing across your bottom lip. You let him deepen the kiss, his tongue moving with yours as his hands started to roam. You whimpered into the kiss once his hand squeezed your thigh, your hips started to squirm underneath him.

He pulled away but still stayed close so the two of you could catch your breath. You were reading each other’s faces, and it was obvious that you both wanted more.

“How far do you want this to go?” he asked, his breathing still heavy as his eyes looked into yours.

“As far as you want,” you said, your sweet tone making him groan.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he said, as he leaned back down to kiss your neck. His curls were tickling you, but the only reaction you had were the soft moans slipping past your lips from how well his mouth moved. His hips were rutting into yours, showing you how hard he was for you.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said, as he pulled away to look at you.

“You sure?”

“Mhm.”

Ethan was a little, well, very eager. He got you undressed in what felt like seconds, leaving you in just your panties. Once he stripped down to just his boxers, you got a little curious. You glanced down to see his hard cock straining against the fabric, and started to laugh to yourself, your gaze going to the ceiling.

“What’s funny?” he asked, as he hovered back over you to take one of your nipples in his mouth. Your laughing stopped, a gasp slipping out when he started to suck. “I asked you a question,” he teased, before moving to the other side.

“She really does lie about everything,” you said, as his tongue swirled. “She said you had a small dick.”

He started to laugh against you, before he pulled back. “That’s funny, because she couldn’t take it.”

“I can,” you said, his smile turning to a smirk as his hand trailed down your body to rub you over your panties.

“We’ll see about that,” he said, as he moved lower down the bed to position himself between your thighs.

He slid your panties down your legs, before running his fingers over your wet pussy. Your eyes stayed on him, your bottom lip in between your teeth as he teased you. Your anticipation just kept building as he moved down the bed, positioning himself in between your thighs. He leaned in, slipping his tongue inside your entrance.

He was sloppily eating you out, his head moving from side to side. His arms hooked under your thighs to pull you as close to his face as he could as your hands went to his hair.

“So good,” you whimpered, your breathing getting faster as he worked you closer to your orgasm.

He slid his tongue out of you to focus on your clit, quickly replacing it with two of his fingers. Your back was arching off the bed as he moved his arm back and forth, applying as much pressure as he could to that spongy spot inside you as he sucked on your swollen bundle of nerves.

“You’re gonna make me cum,” you babbled, as he started to chuckle with your clit in his mouth.

That was all it took for your legs to start shaking and your grip on his hair getting even tighter. Once your pussy started to clench around him, he slowed his fingers to a slow roll, not wanting to overstimulate you. His tongue gently licked your clit as he worked you through it, your whimpers getting softer as you came down from your high.

“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you admitted through your shaky breathing. Ethan started to laugh a little as you looked at him, your eyes hazy. “What?”

“Just wait until I’m inside you,” he cockily said, “You still confident that you can handle it?”

“I know I can,” you said, your legs instinctively spreading wide for him as his fingertips ran up your thigh.

“What are you going to do when no one else can make you feel as good as I do?” he questioned, as one of his fingers started to rub circles on your clit.

“I guess I’d have to keep you around then,” you said, as he shook his head.

“You’d only have me until summer starts,” he said, his finger moving faster. “I’m transferring to a different school after this year.”

“No, you’re not..fuck. I’ll convince you to stay,” you said, relaxing into the bed as he teased you.

Ethan pulled his hand away from your pussy before he slid his boxers off. He crawled back on top of you and reached over to his bedside table to grab a condom.

“I might let you convince me,” he said, as he lined up with your entrance. You tensed up a little because you knew how big he was. “Relax, baby.”

You did as he said, taking a deep breath as he inched his way inside of you. You were moaning as he stretched you out, and when you thought he was all the way in, he just kept going.

“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, feeling so full as he finally came to a stop, wanting to give you plenty of time to adjust. “Told you..Fuck, I told you I could take it,” you said, already struggling to speak.

“Don’t get cocky,” he said, your mouth falling open as he started to move. “I’m going to ruin this pussy.”

“Ruin it,” you said, challenging him as your lusty, hooded eyes connected with his.

It took everything in Ethan to not immediately start pounding into you, but he didn’t want to hurt you. He started slow, your eyebrows already furrowing together, low moans slipping past your lips. The head of his cock hit that special spot every single time, but you needed more. He sped up a little as your legs wrapped around him, your hands gripped tightly around his biceps.

“Maybe you can take it,” he said, his breathing getting heavier. “Can I go faster?”

“Yes,” you whimpered, as his hips moved quicker.

Your brain was starting to turn to mush, the babbles slipping past your lips making absolutely no sense. The only thing your mind could process in that moment was how good Ethan was making you feel. He thought you were adorable, already so cock drunk, and he wasn’t even close to being done with you yet. He kept his pace, but occasionally thrust a little harder to see if you could take it, the loud moans slipping past your lips as your nails started to dig into his arms letting him know that you could.

He angled your hips to go even deeper. His pace was a little slow as he made sure you were okay. Your eyes were pleading with him to go faster, because you knew the words weren’t going to come out of your mouth. It was getting so hard for him to hold back, so he finally let go. He started to pound into you so hard that your skin was tingling, all the nerves in your body on edge. Your toes were curling as he slammed into your g-spot, your whimpers turning to cries as you felt your orgasm starting to build. It was hard for you to keep your eyes open, and you were sure Ethan was going to have your nail marks on his arms forever with how hard you were squeezing him.

“Fuck,” was the only word you were able to get out, your legs wrapping tightly around him as your body started to involuntarily jolt. Ethan was sure that everyone in the surrounding dorm rooms knew what was happening, because you were being so loud. He wasn’t letting up though. He loved that he was making you feel that good.

It only took a few more deep thrusts before your entire body started to tremble, loud whines flooding out of your mouth as the wave of euphoria washed over you. He chased his own orgasm as he fucked you through it, your pussy clenching him so tight that he was moaning himself.

“I’m almost there, baby,” he said, a slight rasp in his voice from all the panting he’d been doing.

You went limp, your grip on his arms and your legs around his waist relaxing as his hips started to falter, a loud groan slipping past his lips as he released into the condom.

He took a minute to catch his breath before he slid out of you. His abs were burning and his arms were sore from your nails, but he quickly got up to take the condom off so he could take care of you.

He crawled in the bed next to you as you adjusted to lay your head on his chest, still so fucked out that it was hard to process your thoughts. Ethan just held you close, his hands softly rubbing over your bare back as you relaxed into his touches.

“You’re okay, right?” he asked, after a few minutes of you not saying anything. You lazily nodded as your hand moved to rub across his chest.

You laid there in silence as you started to think about what’d just happened. You knew your friend was going to be pissed if she ever found out, but did that even matter? She made almost the entire university hate Ethan for things he never did, and it made you sad that he felt like he needed to switch to a different school so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

“So…” you finally said, “How can I convince you to stay?”

He let out a nervous laugh, not knowing the best way to respond. “I can’t take people talking about me the way they do anymore.”

“Even if I convince everyone that it was all lies?” you questioned, your tone playful as you angled your head to look at him. “I think it’d be awful for you to leave because of her. You could miss out on someone that would treat you right.”

“Someone like you?” he questioned as he looked down at you. You nodded, before he leaned down to kiss you. “You’re good at this whole convincing thing.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” you asked, smiling as you sat up to look at him.

“Yeah, as long as you don’t break my heart,” he said, wrapping his arms around you to pull you back down to his chest.

“I won’t.”

You stayed in Ethan’s bed for a couple hours, making plans for all the dates he wanted to take you on. It felt like you’d known him for way longer than just a few days, the two of you having an instant connection. You hated to pull away from him, but you knew you needed to get dressed before his roommate got home.

“It’s late, can I walk you back to your dorm?” he asked, as he started to put his clothes back on.

“I can’t believe I thought you were this horrible monster. You’re so sweet,” you said, as he smiled at you. “Yeah, you can walk me home.”

Ethan walked you to the front door of your building, pulling you into a gentle kiss before he pulled away.

“I’ll text you,” he said, as he started to back away.

“Yeah, let me know when you make it back to your dorm, please,” you said, as he nodded.

When you made it upstairs and got settled into your bed, you heard your phone vibrate as it charged on your bedside table. You grabbed it and saw a goodnight message from Ethan, a huge smile on your face as you responded to him. You were so exhausted from the time you’d spend with him, and you soon felt yourself start to doze off. You heard your phone buzz again, your eyes lazily opening to see if it was Ethan. You took a deep breath once you read the message that was sent to you.

‘Why the fuck were you kissing Ethan at that party?’

[dekariosclan]

As a fellow galemancer i had to share that when your doing the spell scene with gale, when the narrator says the weave is making your one, i couldnt help but notice that he slowly blinks at you like a cat, since tara is technically part cat im sure they blink slow for affection so im not sure but Gale as a cat person slow blinking at you feels so cute, just some food for thought adore you blog as well have a great day

OP, you are absolutely brilliant. However, it seems somehow tumblr autocorrected ‘tressym’ to ‘cat’ in your ask, because as Gale and Tara would both insist, she is definitely NOT a cat, absolutely not, not even a smidge, she’s proudly 100% tressym and we would never want to insult her or get on her bad side by insinuating otherwise! Obviously that was a mistake on tumblrs end! nothing more!!

(…okay OP I think we are in the clear, that should smooth things over with Tara, just wanted to cover all our bases there 😂)

You raise a really interesting point—Gale, having been partially raised by a tressym, could absolutely have picked up a few tressym qualities and mannerisms! So let’s talk about that:

slightly 18+ / suggestive under the cut!

First off, to your point, Gale does the tressym slow blink to show affection. As if Gale’s soft cow eyes weren’t appealing enough, those slow, soft, affectionate blinks?? How could you resist:

Gale loves to touch you, hold your hand, have his hands on you, and of course massage you…except that his massages, while lovely, seem to be less ‘ease your muscle stress by applying firm pressure’ and more ‘making biscuits on your back.’ When you ask where he learned his technique, he says he’s self-taught and proudly adds ‘Tara approves of my form.’ (Doesn’t matter, you love it regardless.)

Gale longingly mentions his tower’s ‘crackling hearth’ several times throughout the game, and just like Tara, it’s one of his favorite places to be—ESPECIALLY if he’s curled up next to it with you. Now, whether you’re on his lap or he’s on yours? That’s entirely up to you. Though Tara might object if her favorite spot—Gale’s lap—is too frequently occupied >:(

Gale occasionally adds in a soft, loving head bump during a makeout session—gently, of course! (This one is canon IMHO as he does this during his ‘Grateful’ kiss variant seen here)

Speaking of making out, when Gale’s engine really gets revved he’ll move from those yearning moans to a low, steady rumble of desire from deep in his chest. A purr of arousal if you will—but one that can turn into a growl as he hungrily claws at your clothes, if your laces/buttons are not cooperating with his need for immediate removal.

It’s canon that Gale hates vegetables, full stop. After all, what self-respecting tressym craves broccoli? He’d much prefer to share a meal of quipperfish, pigeon, or beholder meat with Tara. A proper carnivorous meal, and preferably one that comes with some sort of cream-based delicacy for dessert. Also…are those peas on his plate? Carrots?! Instantly incinerated.

And finally, Tressyms are fastidious about their cleanliness—Tara herself can be seen diligently cleaning her paws during the epilogue—so of course Gale follows suit. He’s very vocal about being disgusted by the bloodbath you can get while in the mindflayer colony in Act 2, and he loathes being in the sewers of Baldur’s Gate. Gale prefers to be clean and preened at all times, not only for his own sense of pride, but also so he can be as presentable as possible for you. (As he himself put it, ‘A gentleman is only as handsome as his least-groomed locus.’). Now when it comes to your cleanliness, though, Gale would never criticize you for your, ah…sweaty, glistening muscles after a fight, OR your particular musk arising from said sweatiness and dirt. In fact he rather likes it, because the only thing better than being clean is the process of getting clean, which he will happily help you with! Perhaps a long, hot, luxurious bath, your naked bodies intertwined as he runs his hands and mouth a bar of soap over every inch of you. Or, perhaps, if bathwater is not available, he could go full tressym and simply lick you clean himself clean you up in a different manner! Who knows?? The possibilities are endless, and he does have a practiced tongue. 😉

— — —

Thank you again for this lovely ask OP! I hope I painted an accurate picture of just how similar our beloved Gale is to a cat TRESSYM !!

As always if anyone has any additional points, please feel free to add them! 🐈🪽💜

[probablyreadinsmut]

Fallin - Joel Miller X Afab! Reader

Chapter Two - The ties that bind

Remember, images in the banner above are just for aesthetic purposes, reader is you. Carmy is in there bc readers husband looks like him in my head, just to avoid confusion lol.

Summary for this chapter: Reader is pushed to her breaking point when an unexpected letter shows up in the mailbox and an equally unexpected bond forms between her and Joel.

Warnings/Tags for this chapter: Prepare yourselves. This chapter has some heavy topics in it. Don't say I didn't warn you. Financial struggles, Alcoholism. Alcohol abuse. Readers landlord has shitty timing. Weaponised incompetence. Reader belittles herself. Discussions of past physical abuse (this did not happen to reader). Shared trauma. Reciprocating soothing touches (oooh). No beta so autocorrect takes all the blame if I've missed something! Tommy eating with his mouth full, Momma Miller is rolling in her grave! Reader sleeps with socks on - don't @ me, my autistic ass can't sleep without them on, that's my only self insert haha.

Title taken from this song:

A/N: I'm thinking there's going to have to be a chapter 2.5 because there was another part to this that I wanted to add but the transition to it wouldn't have made sense so... There may be smut next half chapter though!

Word Count: 4.3k

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

///

May 31st 2003

It had been a long ass month.

You picked up extra shifts at work, agreeing to help on the line if it meant you could work overtime. It wasn't your favourite thing to do, working with the chefs instead of being tucked away in the back able to get on with making pastries and decadent cakes. They all had short fuses and you had enough of that shit at home, but you desperately needed the money so you did it, even if it meant working six days a week with a bunch of assholes. Honestly though? You were kind of thankful that you weren't home a lot of the time these days.

Matt hadn't got the job, which in turn had sent him into a further spiral of depression and drinking.

You hated seeing him like this, the man you'd loved. The man you'd married. This wasn't him, he was never a big drinker before all but now? Now you're getting belligerent texts from him mid shift, asking you to pick up a six pack on the way home from work everyday. The one time you forgotten to, so drowsy you'd almost fallen asleep behind the wheel of your car, he screamed at you for an 30 straight minutes before he left the house to go to a bar instead.

Your Internet search history, once full of recipes and forums for the hobbies you enjoyed, was now full of frantic searches for 'How to know if my partner is an alcoholic?' 'How to get help for an alcoholic' 'What to do if an alcoholic won't seek help'. He definitely didn't think he had a problem and you couldn't bring it up to him. This new version of Matt scared you, whether it was in the sense that he was so unpredictable in his moods or that you had this fear that he'd get himself so drunk he'd vomit in his sleep and choke on it, who knew? Either way, it was like having a ticking time bomb in your home, just waiting for it to go off.

You'd just about scraped by on paying bills this month too, resorting to selling your beloved kitchen aid mixer and a few pairs of shoes that, yes, you were going to miss sorely, but you'd rather go without if it meant you didn't miss paying your rent, you'd much rather have a roof over your heads, even if you're hardly ever there these days.

You really needed Matt to be out and working again, but somehow, it didn't look like that was going to happen, so this was your life for the the foreseeable future, working back to back shifts, eating at work so you didn't have to buy extra food at home, holding your breath while the tips were being divided at the end of the day with a figure in your head of how much you needed for gas money. You're keeping your head above water. Just barely though.

Your one day off a week was spent tidying up around the house, picking up after Matt where he failed to throw away bottles, empty ashtrays, throw away takeout containers. Another expense, even though you made sure to leave food for him in the fridge while you were out working. It was like taking one step forward and three steps back half the time.

You'd had a lot of time to think recently, really reflecting back on your entire marriage, drifting away getting lost in thought as you cranked out orders at work. Even while not at home, your thoughts were still there.

You'd come to realise that maybe you'd been looking back at things through rose coloured glasses considering how it was now. He'd always had a short fuse, running out of patience quickly. Passive aggressive comments were his forte, although you found yourself laughing them off most of them time, like water off a ducks back. A lot of things had been left up to you, in charge of making sure the bills were paid even before all this. In charge of keeping the household running. You'd argued about it before and he'd told you he was too busy and stressed with his workload to help, you considered yourself lucky that he remembered to load the dishwasher sometimes and even then he expected a thank you for it. A thank you that you never received yourself.

Everything had been put on your shoulders for so long that you'd just gotten used to it. It had you wondering if you'd always been such a doormat? Self deprecating thoughts were nothing new either.

Slowly, you were beginning to wake up and smell the roses. Realising that nothing had ever actually been perfect, he hadn't been perfect. You hadn't been either, but the give and take in this relationship was completely unbalanced from the get go.

///

June 1st 2003

It was your day off today and the second your dry, tired eyes fluttered open that morning, you resigned yourself to the monotony of your day ahead. You turned to look over your shoulder at Matt snoring loudly beside you, out cold. You had no idea what time he'd come to bed last night, leaving him awake and drinking by himself after he told you to fuck off when you asked him is he could possibly throw away the takeout container full of days old food that was now growing an entire ecosystem inside it. There was no point arguing with this man.

You got up and headed downstairs, silently cursing that creaky ass step that was a constant reminder of how broken your household was, in more ways than one.

With a soft yawn, tying up your bathrobe, you poke your head out the front door, to check that the coast is clear, no neighbours to spot you in your pyjamas, which consisted of leggings, an oversized tee and mismatched socks that you'd pulled on in the dark last night before bed. The mailbox flag had been upright for days, you hadn't had time to check it and Matt simply didn't give a shit.

You weren't prepared for what you'd found in there though, regretting your decision to check it before yous caffienated.

"Oh my god" With the letter in one hand, watery eyes scanning it, your shaking hand against your lips, you stare at the words on the page but they all begin to blur together after the first few sentences, you didn't need to read more than that:

'To the tenant(s) at 16 Sycamore Street. We regret to inform you that your landlord has decided to put the property on the buyers market and has received an offer. Completion is expected to commence by the first week of October. Please vacate the premises no later than 10/1/03....'

Eviction.

They didn't even have the decency to name you on the letter, citing you as 'tenants'. Just another number, just another easy paycheck.

Cold and clinical, washing their hands of you. It felt like such a slap in the face after you'd worked so hard, scrimping and scrounging money to pay the rent this month.

Gut punch after gut punch after gut punch.

There's only so much one person can take. You thought about the idea of having to tell Matt about this, it would somehow be your fault. You thought about the stress of having to find another place on one Salary. The home you were in now was a steal, the landlord had offered it to you at a reduced rate if you agreed to foot the bill for minor repairs, such as that stupid creaky step. Being young and naive, you and Matt had accepted those terms. , You thought you'd got lucky with it when you found it, instantly falling in love with how quiet the cul-de-sac was, how family friendly it was. Envisioning maybe starting your own family here too.

The person you were three years ago when you moved here was an entirely different person to who you are now. You're broken now. Broken and openly sobbing on the sidewalk, screwing the letter up, throwing it back into the mailbox before you angrily slam it shut.

You'd been so wrapped up in the grief of all this happening to you that you hadn't heard the quick footsteps of a certain raven haired neighbour crossing the street,

His tone was all concern and a little hesitation as he spoke "Darlin? Hey you okay?"

///

Joel

It had been over a month since he last really saw you, since you'd snapped at him for poking his nose in, not that he'd intended to.

He'd caught quick glimpses of you as you rushed from your door to the car in the morning, looking more frazzled each day. He'd seen you coming home late at night too, six pack in hand most nights, it couldn't have all been for you.

Joel had thought about quickly catching you one morning during one of those times but he decided against it, he'd considered leaving an apology note on your car too but he thought that was too impersonal.

He'd started to piece things together though, Joel was observant by nature. Hearing the loud rattles of glass being emptied into the garbage truck each week, seeing that trashcan full to the brim with bottles, along with the fact that Jimmy had said he'd still been hearing the arguments coming from your house, he'd also noticed that you'd hardly been home... Things definitely weren't good between you and Matt. This wasn't just run of the mill marital problems, it was a hell of a lot more complicated than that.

It definitely wasn't his place to intervene but there was no chance he was going to just stand by and do nothing either, it was just a matter of when and how.

It was still fairly early on Sunday morning when he'd darted out to his truck, forgetting that he'd left his cellphone in there over night, he always liked to keep it by his side incase an emergency job popped up, he could always use the extra cash after all. He hadn't actually noticed you across the street until the slam of your mailbox, making him nearly smack his head against the roof of his truck.

That's when he sees you there, in your pyjamas, bathrobe and mismatched socks, having a complete meltdown in front of your house.

He tried calling out to you from across the street but you hadn't heard him and when he sees you getting increasingly distressed he decides enough is enough, even if he's nervous that he may get his head bitten off again. He's not the kind of person to just pretend he hadn't seen something like that either.

Not to mention it was breaking his heart a little bit to see you like this. So despite his trepidation, he swiftly crosses the street to come to your aid.

//

You sit at Joel's dining table, eyes puffy and red from crying, staring down into the cup of coffee he'd made you. Despite your tearful protests, he'd guided you across the street to his house. You'd been trying to explain what was wrong but it had all been coming out as garbled sobs. Knowing that you didn't want to be the gossip of the street, he'd taken it upon himself to get you calm again.

You can feel his eyes on you as he leans against the kitchen counter, cradling his own cup of coffee in his hands. You didn't want more pity, right now you were throwing yourself the biggest fucking pity party already.

"'M sorry its not the real stuff, if you don't like it I can make you a tea or-" He wasn't the best at soothing people while they're upset but being a dad to a growing daughter meant he had at least some tricks up his sleeve. The day Sarah had come home from school upset over some crush of hers was a horrible one, holding her and stroking her hair until her sobs dissolved into little hiccups. Joel's momma had always had a healthy stock of tea at home for things like this. 'Tea won't solve all your problems, but it'll sure make things a lil sweeter for a minute'. Wise words from Momma Miller.

You sniffle, still staring down into the cup with a shallow shake of your head. "This is fine, thank you" Your voice is so small. Whatever happened has really messed you up.

"Oh!" he says suddenly, pushing off the counter, turning to grab a tupperware container out of the cabinet. "Sarah has actually been baking..." if you don't want to talk, maybe he can distract you instead, walking over to where you sit, shoulders heavily slumped. He sets the container down beside you, just in your peripheral, it's full of homemade chocolate chip cookies. "She's kinda been bitten by the baking bug now, thanks to you. Here, I know she'd be honoured to get get your opinion on them."

Your eyes raise from the cup in front of you finally, meeting his gaze with puffy eyes and a weak smile. You pick the most delicious, chewy looking cookie from the top of the pile and take a small bite, eyes widening when you taste how good it is.

"Oh my god" you half chuckle behind your hand, needing to finish your bite.

A proud smile stretches across his face. "Good right?"

"Good? I genuinely think these are the best fucking cookies I've ever tasted."

"That's my girl. She'll be fuckin' thrilled to hear that. Ever since you gave her that brownie recipe she's been printin' out recipes to test out and she's on my ass about gettin' one of those um... What are they called? The swirly things that cost a fuckin' arm and a leg?" He makes a bowl and mixing gesture with his hands and you can't help but let out the tiniest of chuckles.

"A Kitchenaid?" He snaps his fingers and nods "Yeah... I had one of those, costs a small fortune but honestly? So worth it. I uh... I actually just sold my one recently, if I'd have known you were looking.."

Something in your tone and the way your eyes fall back to the coffee cup again gnaws at him, unable to stop his curiosity getting the better of him.

He pulls up a chair across from you, grabbing a cookie from the tub, staying quiet for a moment to let you speak if you wanted to.

"I uh... There's just a lot going on right now. Had to sell a few things.." You shift in the chair as you begin to open up. "Matt he... He lost his job a while ago and it's been... It's been really fucking hard honestly? I'm doing extra shifts to make up for the loss of his salary and even then we're just barely making ends meet. We were a little short this month so I sold it" A small butter chuckle leaves you before you continue. "it's funny but, I was so scared that we wouldn't make rent this month and um... Then today I checked the mail and... There was an eviction notice in there." You can feel your eyes misting up again as you speak and he notices it too.

For a moment he's silent, going through a range of emotions in the short amount of time that he's listening to you speak, seeing the broken exhaustion written on your face, hearing it mirrored in your voice. "I... Jesus christ darlin'. I'm so sorry."

It's then that he does something that surprises both of you, setting the cookie down, he reaches across the table to rest his hand on your wrist, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth agaisnt the exposed part of skin in a soothing gesture. "How long have you got 'til you gotta leave?"

You manage a grateful smile at the gesture, it's barely there however. "4 months, they want us out by October 1st."

"Does Matt know?"

You didn't even want to think about telling him right now, but you knew you couldn't ignore it either. "No I... That's what all that was about out there earlier I... I went and checked the mail, first thing I get is an eviction notice. Lucky me."

"I take it that it's probably gonna go down like lead balloon?"

"That's putting it simply. I'm glad I was the one that found it but it doesn't mean it's going to be any easier telling him."

He knows there's more to it, he wants to ask, desperately, but he's unsure about crossing the line after last time. So, he swallows the lump that's formed in his throat, about to tell you something he's never shared with anyone else before, wanting to bridge that gap so you know he's not judging you.

"My uh... My old man... He had a drinkin' problem. He'd drink whiskey like it was water most nights and my momma, god rest her soul, she... She tried. She really tried to keep it from Tommy and me. She never wanted us to see him for anythin' else other than our dear old dad." He pauses for a second, just needing to take a breather, he could do this, it was difficult but he'd get through it. "Anyways, we got older and more wise to it. We weren't stupid. We knew he wasn't just 'sleepin' in' or 'under the weather'" His thumb is still rubbing back and forth on your wrist and what was originally for your benefit, is now self soothing, keeping himself grounded. "I um... I was about 15 when my momma started trying to hide her bruises and... She... She begged me to leave it alone. I wanted to strangle that son of a bitch with my bare hands but I couldn't. For her sake. Then... Then one day I came home from school with Tommy and found him laying into her in the kitchen, all over the fact that she'd burned his... Fuckin' toast."

You're on the verge of tears for a completely different reason now, watching his expression go from sombre to aggrivated as he revisits those memories that he'd worked so hard to suppress. "Oh Joel..." Your voice cracks slightly, now it's your turn to extend the gesture, resting your hand on top of his, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

He has to finish. He's started now, he's not telling this story for sympathy, but to show you he can relate. "That was the day I lost it... Told Tommy to run to the neighbours and call 911, he was just a scared kid who'd just watched his momma get beaten black and blue so... I gave my old man a beat down. Me. I made it hurt, I made sure he'd never ever lay a fucking finger on her again and you know what the sad part is? The whole time... The whole time she was still begging me not to. The bastard had crushed her spirit so badly and yet there she was with a busted eye socket and broken nose, begging me not to hurt him."

He takes a shuddering breath, raising his gaze to meet yours, his expression is serious and tinged with anguish. "Darlin' I need you to promise me somethin'..." He moves his hand from under yours, grabbing your hand, taking it in his holding it firmly, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. "I need you to promise me you'll get out before that happens to you. I know right now he's not hurting you like that, trust me, I'd see the signs and if he was I'd have been across the street beatin' on him in a heartbeat. It don't mean that it's not takin' everythin' in me now not to do that either but... Don't stay. Don't wait for things to get better, cause they won't. Take this eviction as your oppertuinity to start over without him. I know it ain't as simple as that and you'll have a lot of plannin' to do to get there but you ain't alone. If you ever need to talk or--or get away for a while... I hope you know you can come to me, okay?"

You relish in the physical contact, it had been a long time since anyone had treated you with a kindness like this, his hand was big and warm, slightly rough against your softer skin, from years of manual labour. Even despite the heavy subject, you appreciated it and without meaning to, it had ignited a flicker of something inside you. A shared bond, an understanding of what it meant to live under the same roof as a narcissist.

Swallowing hard as you mull over his words, your waterline still damp with unshed tears. "I... I'll try..." You smile sadly, knowing this is as best as you can offer right now and he knows it too

"Okay Darlin'... Okay. A-and I'm sorry by the way... for what happened before... When um... When I kind of accosted you a few weeks back... I... I didn't mean to stick my nose where it didn't belong."

A light chuckle leaves you at that, wiping away your tears with your free hand. "Apologies don't mean shit Joel. Actions speak louder than words and... Everything you've done for me today? Telling me something incredibly personal like that? That meant more to me than you could possibly know so... Thank you. Your Momma sounded like she was a strong lady."

He smiles wistfully at that, she'd have liked you, he sees a lot of her in you. "She was and so are you."

///

Tommy

It's a little after 9am when Tommy is pulling up to Joel's house with Sarah in the back of his truck. He'd offered to have Sarah for the night so Joel could have some alone time, he was always telling him he should use that time wisely, go out to a bar, live a little, encouraging him to find a girl and take her home for some fun. It was a pass time of his to tease Joel about his sex life, or lack thereof. 'Your virginity must be growin' back by now, brother' he was proud of himself for that one. It had always fallen on deaf ears though, that's where he and Joel differed, Tommy was more of a risk taker, not even 30 yet, still acting like a horny teenager running around Austin breaking hearts. Whearas Joel was more closed off to that kind of thing, it just wasn't his scene. The heartbreak from Sarahs mom leaving had been enough to shake his confidence when it came to love, choosing to focus on his baby girl instead.

So imagine his surprise when he sees Joel in the doorway, watching a pretty lady as she walks away across his front lawn, he recognises that look in his eyes and the way he's unable to pull his gaze from her, his big brother was all gooey eyed over this girl... Granted her attire doesn't scream 'Picked her up at a dive bar' but who was he to judge?

Sarah pipes up from the backseat "Hey that's our neighbour, yknow the lady who gave me the recipe for those birthday brownies you loved?"

"Oh reeaaaally? She's purty." He drawls, pulling up into the driveway.

"Yeah don't even think about it Uncle Tommy. She's married."

Married? Joel you stupid son of a bitch what are you getting yourself into here?

///

Sarah has gone upstairs to put her things away, the sound of her latest Destiny's Child cd echoing upstairs, this is why Joel loved weekends. Especially if it was a rare one like this where he wasn't working.

"So..." Tommy starts as he helps himself to a cookie, taking a big bite before he continues, even with a mouthful of food. Momma Miller raised him better than that. "You got somethin' to tell me big brother?"

A heavy sigh leaves Joel, he knows Tommy saw you leaving the house, he can already tell where this is going. Joel's pouring out two cups of coffee with his back to him, replying with a hint of annoyance in his tone "About what?"

Tommy has the manners to finish his mouthful this time before he speaks. Small graces. "Don't play dumb Joel, 'bout that pretty little thing I saw leavin' your house. Now unless you were just havin' a slumber party over her, considerin' her get up..."

"Tommy.." He warns as he turns to face him.

"Joel."

"It ain't like that she's-"

"Married, I know, Sarah told me. But you can't bullshit me brother, I saw the way you were lookin' at her."

Joel's brow furrows, lips stretching into a thin line. "What are you implyin' exactly?"

"What I'm implyin' brother, is that you have a thing for a married woman. Even I'm not dumb enough to go for the taken ones and you know me I'm down to fuck just about--"

Joel holds up a hand stopping him, pinching the bridge of his nose with the other hand "I beg of you, please don't finish that sentence"

Tommy's hands raise in fake surrender, a small smirk on his face. "Alright, alright. I hear ya loud and clear. All I'm saying is-" He takes another bite of his cookie and starts talking with his mouthful once more "-Is be careful with that one. Don't do anything stupid."

Joel knows better than to lie to him, he knows better than to lie to himself too, he had felt something for you today, beyond the sympathy of your shared trauma. "I appreciate the concern Tommy, but I'm not dumb enough to make a move on a married woman." He turns to grab the cups of coffee "And for the love of God, stop talkin' with your fuckin' mouthful, Momma raised you better"

Tommy just takes a bigger bite and gives Joel a shit eating grin.

///

General tags:

@drewharrisonwriter @baronessvonglitter @joelmillerisapunk @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @bitchwitch1981 @kirsteng42 @morallyinept @cheekychaos28 @itwasntimethatdidit40 @almostempty @lovely-vamp-princess

Tags for those that asked:

@deepestchaoslove @mystickittytaco

Tysm for reading 💜

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 4 - agoraphobia and burger king on 5th street

summary: a personal experience provides a way for newt to connect to y/n.

warnings: strong language, mental health talk, depression, medication (its my literal prescription i mention oops this is like a self insert fr), mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

--

THE GLADE

[ 10:52 am ]

y/n: it’s official yall

drugs saved my life

tommy: huh??

minho: same

newt: wow, i’ve never seen your name on my screen before 12 pm

y/n: shut the hell up bitch

newt: ouch, touchy

minho: woah

touchy 👀

are yallll..?

y/n: you’re sick

tommy: are we going to ignore the drugs statement??

like hello are u ok ??

newt: you’re annoying minho

minho: yea <3 😊

notice how they didn’t say no

y/n: you guys just don’t understand how a girl like me needs beauty sleep..

and no we aren’t

gally: all that beauty sleep and ur still walking around with that mug.. yikes.

y/n: 😑

i hate you i haete you i dhateoyifu

minho: great she’s having a fit

y/n: no one cares about me

and you think i’m ugly

this is so sick

and you don’t even care that i’m on drugs

☹���😭😭😭😭 done.

newt: no one said that love

gally that was rude

minho: BRUHHHHH

here she goes

tommy: I CAREE????????

DO I NEED TO COMEGET YOU????

y/n: yes 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

before i do something crazy 😭😭💣

minho: THE BOMB IS WILD

tommy: stay where you are

i have your location

newt: uhhh

y/n: pause what

minho: tommy why would you admit to that

tommy: im On my way! what’s the issue

sorry autocorrect

y/n: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY LOCATION????

gally: can you guys shut the fuck up

minho: the drama queen is here 😍

gally: stop

alby: I have it on Life360, I imagine Thomas does as well. In fact I have all of your locations.

y/n: oh

i forgot about that app..

minho: i didn’t. i get a notif that newt’s phone is at 5% all the goddamn time

even tho he said he deleted it

newt: just turn it off then

i redownloaded it don't track my app intake

minho: no it makes me feel less lonely

y/n: awwwww

idk how you do that newt

newt: do what?

y/n: not charge your phone

if my phone gets below like 15% then the monsters will get me

tommy: omg me tooo 🥹

newt: i was about to say you sound like tommy.

tommy: don’t say that!

she’s on drugs i don’t want to sound like an addict 😔

newt: she isn’t on drugs thomas

tommy: she literally said she is newt :/

5 mins and i’m there y/n

y/n: are you actually fr

thomas..

we live very far away sweetie

newt: i mean

if you were in trouble you don’t think we’d come get you?

tommy: ^^

but life360 says you’re at the burger king on 5th

minho: no that’s me LOOOL

y/n: NEWTTT ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

tommy: wtf

i’m the one who’s coming to get u

why does he get the credit

minho: no tommy you’re coming to get me

tommy: oh yippee i get to see my friend 🤗

newt: ewwwwww

y/n: EWWWWW

tommy: OH STOP IT

y/n: why burger king of all places min

minho: why drugs of all things y/n

gally: she’s not doing drugs are you guys fuckin insane

y/n: yes i am

it’s 10 mg of fluoxetine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ONCE A DAY!!!!!!

IM ADDICTED

newt: no you aren’t, 10 mg is the smallest dose

minho: told y’all she was on drugs

y/n: ???????

minho: over the year

you’re too hyper to not be on some crack shit

tommy: oh stop that’s not nice.

newt: it’s not drugs like that minho stop.

tommy: uhoh he brought out the . at the end

y/n: it’s just for anxiety cuz i can’t leave the house without going into a breakdown

minho: she got acrophobia

told y’all she was mental

newt: what the fuck are you talking about

tommy: oh i know that word

fear of spiders 🕷️

minho: wtf no

fear of outside

y/n: i’m not afraid of outside

newt: that’s agoraphobia you fucking dumbass

y/n: 😍

i did NOT mean to send that lol oops

newt: ??

oh, okay

minho: when he’s a know it all 😍

when she’s agoraphobic 😍

y/n: when he’s at burger king on 5th because he has no food in his fridge and can only afford a $1.99 whopper with the coupons from the newspaper 😍😍😍😍

minho: 😒😑

newt: LMFAOOOO

GOOD THAT

minho: british people be so annoying

saying shit like gormless minger and good that be sooo real rn

newt: i have never said gormless minger in my whole 26 years of life.

y/n: you just did bro

newt: call me bro again

y/n: bro

brosive

brother

stepbro

minho: laughed until i saw the last msg :/

newt: 😑

y/n: ok youre the perverts

minho: cant you take your prozac and turn back to normal now

y/n: so you DO know what it is..

gally: wym 'back to normal' like there was smth before this??

y/n: real i been like this for life

tommy: i got whopper and two large fries and mozzarella sticks

newt: wow

y/n: wow just call him a fatass newt.

newt: i would never, stop

y/n: 2 large fries is kinda crazy tho

tommy: i have to get enough to share with my friend

minho

gally: surprised you have friends

tommy: yeah you are not one.

gally: RUDE?

y/n: WELL LMFAO

minho: i literally already ate also gally ur not my friend either

newt: same

alby: same

gally: well why tf am i in here

y/n: well you're my friend!

gally: great.

y/n: not with that attitude..

tommy: y/n you're ok though right??

y/n: yes tommy im fine sweetie

go eat your food

tommy: okay i wish you could share these fries with me

y/n: me too :(

minho: i don't

big back would eat em all

y/n: i actually hate you

__

newt

[ 11:45 am ]

newt: hey

y/n: hiii :D whats up??

newt: idk why but this feels like secretly texting you across the room at a party

y/n: actually tho

picture me giving u a look from across the room

newt: you would blow our cover immediately

i just wanted to let you know if you needed any like,, advice or something with your new medicine i'm here for you. i take the same stuff on top of lexapro

y/n: oh really?

newt: yeah i do

y/n: newt :( thank you

i am a bit nervous to start it tbh

newt: i understand, i was too

but hopefully it'll change things for the better

y/n: i hope so

i didn't realize you dealt with anxiety n stuff

newt: more than you know

you aren't the only one and you aren't alone w it

y/n: you're sweet newt, thank you

newt: don't mention it :))

sorry the smiley was creepy

y/n: lmao no i like it

if you need to talk or anything too i’m always here

newt: yeah?

y/n: of course ): you’re my pookie

newt: one day you gotta let go of that word lmao

y/n: but you love it tho

newt: you tell yourself that

actually are you free rn?

y/n: yeah! i’m just about home what’s up?

newt: i’m bored so pick up the phone

y/n: NEWT LMAO

ok fine 😒

[thatguywhodoesstuff]

A Few Jhad Incorrect Quotes More

The long awaited(?) fifth installment of my Jhad Incorrect Quotes Series.

———

Thad: Did J just tell me she loved me for the first time?

Uzi: Yeah, she did.

Thad: And did I just do finger guns back?

Uzi: Yeah, you did.

———

Rebecca: I like your top, J!

Thad: (Jokingly) I have a name, you know.

J: (Pinches the bridge of her “nose”) *Sighs* Why? Why are you like this?

———

Thad: (Ecstatic) J and I got married!!

Uzi: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.

———

Thad: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

J: Um...Neat.

(Later)

J: (Lying face down on her bed) I said "Neat," Uzi. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Uzi: (Reading a book) Don't beat yourself up too much, J. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when N confessed his love for me?

J: (Looks up) Didn't you thank him?

Uzi: (Closes the book and looks at the ceiling) I fucking thanked him.

———

N: Why is J crying on the floor?

V: She’s drunk.

N: And?

V: She saw a picture of Thad’s wife.

N: But… she’s Thad’s wife.

V: I know.

———

Uzi: I sleep with sick as hell railgun under my pillow.

Doll: Я сплю с ножом.

Thad: Both of you are so weird.

Uzi: (Cocks an eyebrow) Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Thad: J.

———

J: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Thad: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

J: I don't know, surprise me!

———

J: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Thad: It was autocorrect.

J: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Thad: Yes.

———

Khan: (Sees J and Thad together) They're cute. I would put them on a boat.

Nori: (Caught off guard) You mean... you ship them?

———

Thad: Are we fighting or flirting?

J: Wha- I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck!

Thad: Your point?

———

J: (Rocket launcher at the ready) Get the fuck out!

Uzi: (Unfazed) What's up your ass this morning?

Thad: (Groggily walks in) *Yawn* ...Hey.

Uzi: Hmm... never mind. (Runs out of the pod to tell the others)

J: WAIT NO!

———

Darren: So... I've seen you've been spending a lot of time with J recently.

Thad: No, Darren, it's not what it looks like, I swear.

Darren: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Thad: No! You're the only one for me.

Darren: Is that so?

Thad: I promise! J and I are just dating, okay? She’s my girlfriend.

Darren: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Thad: You are still my one and only best friend! She’s just the love of my life, nothing more!

Darren: But I'm still the platonic love of your life, right?

Thad: Of course bro!

Darren: (Takes off his sunglasses, teary-eyed) Bro...

J: (Deeply confused) What the…?

———

Thad: Talk dirty to me, baby~

J: The dishes.

Thad: Wh-

J: They've been there for 4 days and it's your turn to wash them. You still haven't cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

———

(J comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Thad’s bedroom.)

Thad: Babe, are you… coming to bed?

J: No thank you, I'm sure you're lovely but I have a boyfriend.

(J falls face first on the ground and immediately falls asleep)

Thad: (Shakes his head)

———

N: If you want my advice-

J: No offense but you're the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your girlfriend. Multiple times.

N: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, she’s also tried to kill me.

Uzi: It's true. It was mutually attempted murder.

———

J: Time sensitive question how flirt boy.

Uzi: Throw rocks at he.

Lizzy: Hot Dogs.

Doll: Убей его.

J: Thanks guys.

———

J: I love you.

Thad: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

(They kiss passionately)

V: (To Uzi) You owe me 20 dollars.

———

J: Thad, you love me, right?

Thad: Normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like.

———

J: (Comes out of the changing room wearing silk pants) How does this look?

Thad: Like it slips on and off really easily.

J: (Blushes)

Thad: (Blushes) No, I didn't mean it like that-!

Lizzy: (Teasingly) We know what you meant~

———

Cyn/The Absolute Solver: Did you take out Thad as I requested?

J: Thad has been taken out, yes.

Cyn/The Absolute Solver: Giggle. Excellent, now to-

J: It was a great restaurant. We had a romantic candlelit dinner and Thad proposed afterwards, we're filing the wedding papers.

Cyn/The Absolute Solver: ಠ_ಠ

———

Thad: (Smiling proudly) Well, J and I finally did it!

The Rest of the Squad: *Gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Thad: That's right... We kissed!

The Rest of the Squad: ಠ_ಠ

———

J: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Thad: But, babe, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

J: (Flustered) O-oh. Well… Wait. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?

Thad: …Is it working?

———

J: You look good in that hoodie.

Thad: You know where else l'd look good?

J: (Zero hesitation) My bed.

Thad: (At the same time) By your side- Wait, what?

J: (Blushing and averting her gaze) Nothing!

———

Thad: Bro-

J: No, no, hold up, rewind. My tongue was down your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro!?

———

[riversandwinds]

kiss it better?

a/n: hi hi hi! this is my very first fic, I’ve never written anything before so we’ll see how this goes. please be nice, tell me if you hate it xx ! also I got fed up with autocorrect changing y/n to yen so I just gave her a name 😭

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

summary: Being an art student, Amara’s life gets so stressful around finals week. When everything starts to go downhill, Chris is there to fight with her, and maybe even kiss it better afterwards.

warnings: swearing, angst (happy ending), kissing, not really anything else except for female rage lmfao, no use of y/n

word count: 1.7k-ish

Not proofread 🤓

lots of love ~ Rivvie

What better way to start your day off than with a whole lot of chaos. Amara was jolted awake by the alarm clock’s incessant beeping slicing through her and Chris’s quiet room. Sitting up, her face paled as she saw the time, seeing that she slept through her morning lecture. Panic surged through her, immediately throwing the covers off and shooting up out of bed (much to Chris’s very audible disappointment). She grabbed random pieces of her closet off the floor in a frantic rush, barely managing to get out the door fully clothed with a “Byeloveyousomuchpleasecleanthehouse!”. (She forgot her glasses, then her phone, then her bag, making her run back to their room 3 more times.)

Shouting her final goodbye to Chris, she could feel her phone all but explode in her pocket. She was too disoriented to focus on the messages, so she ignored it, figuring it was just a random group chat. She sprinted through the commons, finally checking her phone after deciding she didn’t care enough to make it to the lecture hall.

lindsey manager (🫥)

sarah no-showed. need you to fill in today asap.

???

amara hello

Of-fucking-course, Amara thought to herself. With a huff, she turned on her heel, making her way to the campus coffee shop. I don’t even have my work clothes, God hates me.

At work, the hours dragged by as she endured her manager’s endless complaints. “You’re late, Amara, hurry up.”, “Where the hell is your uniform?”, “No, you’re not doing it right-“

The poor girl was on edge, to say the least. Her late start didn’t help, either, as she didn’t have any time to grab food from their dorm. She was barely able to handle her hunger as she worked through her shift, her empty stomach cramping by the time her shift was done. She clocked out, silently cursing Lindsey, the shop, and every customer who walked in during her shift.

As exhausted as she was, she called her professor as she was walking out, booking the ceramics room for a few hours. Finals were quickly approaching, and her clay tea set was only partially finished. She headed to the studio, hoping to make at least a little progress on her project and make up for lost time.

Her day only continued to spiral. She’d been in the studio for all but 20 minutes before she wanted to destroy the Earth entirely. As she was leaving the kiln room, tray full of breakables in hand, the door next to her flung open, slamming into her. Not only did it: A) Slam her glasses into the bridge if her nose, cutting her face, but it B) sent her entire tea set to the ground, shattering into thousands of tiny clay shards. Amara’s world collapsed in that moment. Tears streamed down her face as she stared at the wreckage, unable to muster the strength to pick up the fragments. With a choked sob, she grabbed her bag and fled the studio, feeling the weight of her disastrous day press down on her.

Stumbling into her apartment, she hoped for just a semblance of order. But the sight of the messy living room—pizza boxes, crumpled papers, clothes everywhere—made her heart sink even lower. She dropped her bag and collapsed to her knees, her body shaking with a mix of exhaustion and frustration.

“A-are you kidding me?” Amara’s voice cracked as she shouted, her frustration pouring out uncontrollably. “I’ve had the worst day- oh god… I missed my lecture, got screamed at at work, my project is destroyed, and now this mess? I can’t do this-”

Chris, complete with an Xbox controller and a headset, emerged from their room with wide eyes. He froze, his mouth slightly open in surprise as he took in his girlfriend’s state. “Baby, woah, what’s going on?” He set the controller aside and stood next to Amara, honestly a little confused. “Why the meltdown?”

Wrong choice of words, clearly, as her red, tear-filled eyes snapped to his, going wide.

“Why the meltdown?” Amara exploded, her voice rising in volume as she began to frantically clean up the mess. “Because today has been a fucking wreck! I asked you to pick up a little, just a little, Chris! A-and you couldn’t even manage that! I come home to- to this after the worst day of my life, and you’re just sitting here playing games!”

Chris blinked, taken aback by her outburst. “Mar, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal. I was going to clean up, but I got sidetracked. It’s not like—” he bends down to pull Amara off the floor, but retracts when she spits out her response.

“It’s not like what?” she snapped, angry tears streaming down her face. “It’s not like it matters to you? You think I can just handle everything on my own while you sit at home and do nothing? I’m at my breaking point, and all I wanted was the trash off the floor!”

Chris’s eyes widened, his initial nonchalance giving way to frustration. “Hey, I didn’t make your day go bad. I get that you’re upset, but yelling at me isn’t going to fix anything. I’m just trying to understand here!”

Amara’s anger reached its peak. She stood up, maniacally grabbing all of the dirty cups and pieces of trash, stomping to the kitchen to deal with it. “You think I’m yelling just for fun? You have no idea what my day was like! I’ve been on the edge all day, and instead of coming home to something decent, our house is a disaster and you don’t even seem to care!” Throwing her now empty hands up, she lets out a choked cry, pushing past Chris to enter their bedroom.

After seeing Amara sobbing and slamming the door to their room, Chris’s demeanor shifted dramatically. He stood in the living room, the weight of her words sinking in. With a deep sigh, he started cleaning up the mess with a quiet guilt, his movements deliberate and focused. He managed to tidy up the living room, stopping to order Amara’s favorite takeout. He grabbed the blankets from the closet, setting up the couch and scrolling Amazon Prime for a movie to rent. (He eventually settled on Barbie Princess Charm School, figuring it would appease Amara.)

Around 30 minutes later, when Amara emerged from the room, she was met with a surprisingly clean space and the comforting aroma of her favorite food. Chris looked up from arranging the food on the coffee table, his face softening as he saw her. “Look, sweetheart, I’m really sorry. I didn’t realize the house was this bad,” he said, his tone earnest. “I thought I could fix it.”

Amara’s anger dissipated as she took in the scene. “Chris, I—” she started, her voice wobbling with her bottom lip. “I didn’t mean to lash out like that. I was just... overwhelmed.”

Chris walked over and pulled her into his chest, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I get it now. I’m sorry you had such an awful day, Ma.” She shrugged, pressing a kiss to his chest.

Spontaneously-DoorDashed desert arrived around ten minutes later, to which Amara all but inhaled while she focused on the movie in front of her. After almost dosing off for the third time, Chris paused the movie, brushing hair out of Amara’s exhausted face.

“Time for bed, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up, huh?” Chris said, pulling a whiny Amara up from the couch, leading her to their room.

He first took care of the little cut on her nose, placing a small kiss over it when he was done. After she was undressed and her hair was brushed, he helped her into the shower, his touch gentle as he guided her through the calming process. While she was in the shower, Chris busied himself tidying up the rest of the apartment, clearing up their dinner and putting up the clean dishes in the kitchen.

When Amara emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, refreshed and feeling a bit more centered, she found Chris remaking their bed, having switched out their sheets for clean ones. The room was now a haven of comfort, with soft lighting and the faint sound of the unpaused Barbie movie playing in the background. The big lights were off, the room illuminated by the soft string lights on the wall.

“God, Chris,” Amara said, her voice filled with appreciation. “This looks amazing. Thank you for cleaning, baby. I’m sorry I yelled at you over it…” she pouted slightly.

Chris smiled softly. “I know I messed up, and I’m sorry for being kinda useless. I figured this might help some more.”

He reached out and grabbed her in a bear hug, resting his chin on her head. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We all have rough days, and I should have been more understanding. I’m just glad we can talk things out and make them better.” He pulled back to kiss between her eyebrows, the tip of her nose, and a soft peck on her lips, smoothing her hair down with his hands.

He helped her get dressed, slipping a sleep shirt over her head and sliding her underwear and shorts up her legs, kissing her knee with a grin. Amara appreciated his efforts, feeling the weight of her stress lift with each passing moment.

After a few minutes, and a few yawns from both parties, Chris turned off the string lights and the tv, declaring it was bedtime. They climbed into their newly-made bed, snuggling up under the comforter. Chris wrapped his arms around Amara, pulling her close as she rested her head on his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his embrace and the comfort of being understood.

“I really do love you, you know,” Amara said softly, her sincere voice filling the dark room. “Thank you for kissing it better, Chris.”

Chris kissed her forehead gently. “Always, and I love you too, pretty girl. I’ll do better next time, pinky promise.”

As the sleepy mumbling played on, they remained in each other’s arms, the earlier turmoil of the day replaced by a sense of peace and safety.

Finally settling into a comfortable silence, Amara felt her eyelids get heavy. She yawned, pressing into Chris who kissed her forehead with a hum. She relaxed into Chris’s embrace, feeling like a precious stone in the hands of a jeweler. They drifted off, Chris’s immediate snoring lulling Amara to sleep with a lovesick grin on her lips.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

tags: @her-favorite (u the only one bb 🌝)

[rubin-therubix-loverofblorbos]

CARMEN SANDIEGO INCORRECT QUOTES

Shadowsan: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Carmen's birthday invitations. Ivy: Well, what are they supposed to say? Shadowsan: "Carmen's birthday". Ivy: So, what do they say instead? Shadowsan: "Carmen’s bi". Ivy: Ivy: Works out either way.

-----

Player: I’ve never asked someone out. How do you even do it? Ivy: Oh, what I do is, I look them up and down and I say: “Hey… how you doin’?” Carmen, scoffing: Oh, please. Ivy, to Carmen: Hey, how you doin’? Carmen: Carmen: giggles and blushes

-----

Zack: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen. Player: That’s a snake.

-----

Ivy: I love them both, but how do I propose to two people? Shadowsan: Two different restaurants, one person at each restaurant. Twice the dessert, twice the applause. Ivy: Won’t people think it’s weird if there is a third person just sitting there, though? Shadowsan: I saw someone feed their pet peacock crème brûlée from their mouth at the French place on the corner last week: I think faux third-wheeling at an engagement is the least of your worries.

-----

Vlad: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

-----

{I really need someone to clarify whether they're brothers or two deadpan Russians that Just Look Like That. Because they give such Gay Stone-Faced Lovers but idk. hm. [Looks at the To Steal Or Not To Steal Dip™️*] oh okay}

Boris: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Vlad: It was autocorrect. Boris: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Vlad: Yes.

-----

Boris: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Vlad: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Boris, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

-----

Boris: We should be partners. Vlad: You mean like, partners in crime? Boris: Yeah… that’s precisely what I meant.

------

Dr. Bellum: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right? Cleo: Nope, there's 26. Dr. Bellum: Ah, I must have forgotten U, R, A, Q, T. Cleo: Aww, that's cute, but you're still missing one. Dr. Bellum: You'll get the D later ;).

------

Cleo: The stars are so beautiful… Dr. Bellum: They're just giant balls of gas. Cleo: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then- Dr. Bellum: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you. Cleo: Oh…

-------

Chase: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met.

---------

Chase: What’s up? I’m back. Zack: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Chase: Death is a social construct.

---------

The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one Chase: I will not let you down. Ivy: Sounds fun. Zack: K. Julia: No, I'm fucking not. Carmen: Do I have to be? Shadowsan: Please god, I am so tired.

----------

Shadowsan: Wanna hear some dark humor. Ivy: Yeah, I love dark humor. Shadowsan: Alright. Shadowsan: Turns off the lights Shadowsan: Knock knock. Ivy: Turn the damn lights back on.

------------

Zack, washing the dishes: Who the fuck used this pan?? Zack: Wait. I the fuck used this pan… Ivy: It was you the fuck. Zack: It was I the fuck… Shadowsan: Who cooks rice in a pan? Ivy: They the fuck.

-------------

Carmen: trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark Carmen: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?" Associate: Well, I- Carmen: How about "You witnessed the murder of my actual dad?" Associate: No…Wait, wha- Carmen: You know what, I'll just get a blank one. Carmen: writes You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

-------------

Shadowsan: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed. Chase: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Shadowsan!

-------------

Ivy: Its hard to resist, I'm really sorry- I mean, considering your approach so far, you had us tied here for- what? Hours? And you haven’t even had us confirm what exactly we are! Chase: What are you then? Ivy: I'm a Virgo!

--------------

Zack: I once tried to play a pirated copy of Garfield Kart, when Garfield jumped out of my PC! We are currently married with three beautiful children and a summer house in Lisbon.

--------------

*The Dip from To Steal or Not to Steal {no seriously they slayed. Those little gay boys served every bit of cunt within the timespan of three and a half seconds}

ALSO, The Entire Video, which is fucking amazing. Masterpiece.

[crazylittlejester]

I have two suggestions today: Sky and Wars bonding over crappy health conditions, and/or Wars teaching Wind first aid.

YOU GET BOTH!!!!! my apologies for odd spelling mistakes or weirdly autocorrected words- I am dyslexic 💅

First one (279 words) [Wars and his blood sugar issues + Sky and my headcanon he has epilepsy]:

Sky groaned, letting himself sink further into the grass. He still felt sore and exhausted from his seizure an hour or so ago, he’d just been lucky Wolfie had smelled it before Sky had felt it coming and had pushed him to lay down. This one had crept up on him fast, he hadn’t really been paying too much attention to himself. The whole group had been focused on the captain all day after he’d almost fainted from low blood sugar that morning. Warriors was of course doing better now, they’d gotten enough food in him, but watching his normally tan face go pale and his lips turn white had been a bit startling to watch.

“Doing okay?” Warriors asked, flopping down in the grass next to Sky.

“Tired,” he answered honestly, letting out a loud sigh.

“We’re stopping for the day,” the captain told him, stretching out until his spine popped. “Take all the time you need, kid. Take a nap if you want.”

“…Could you go get me some water?” Sky whispered, feeling a but guilty for having to ask. The captain was tired too and he’d JUST laid down.

“Of course,” Warriors smiled, even though Sky could see him fighting to keep the grimace off his face. He wobbled a little on his feet, and Sky frowned in concern.

“You okay?” He asked his brother as the captain raised a hand to his head.

“Yeah, I’ll be alright. Just feel a bit off still, I guess,” he shrugged, walking closer to the others where the water skins were, coming back quickly.

“Thanks,” Sky murmured when Warriors helped him sit up.

“Any time,” his brother smiled softly.

———

Second one (568) [Wars teaches Wind first aid]:

“Wind!” Warriors called to the sailor, squeezing his leg tightly and fighting to keep his expression neutral.

A group of bokoblins had caught them off guard, and while it hadn’t taken long to get rid of them, they hadn’t managed to dispatch them all before Warriors had gotten shot in the thigh. Wind had been asking him to teach him better first aid for a while now, with the captain being the only one of the group with field medic training, and there’s no one he’d rather have the kid practice on than himself.

The little sailor dropped down next to him, eyes wide in shock. “Oh Hylia, are you okay?”

“You still wanna learn first aid?” Warriors grimaced, trying to keep the strain out of his voice. The arrow had to have been coated in poison because he’d been shot plenty of times before but this BURNED like nothing else. They had red potions, he’d be fine. This wasn’t the war, they had plenty of supplies. He was going to be FINE.

“Y- Yeah?” Wind stammered, staring up at him in worry.

“Great,” the captain got out, breathing heavily. “Okay so we’re really lucky because the arrow went all the way through. I want you to take this knife and cut the tail off the arrow.”

Warriors handed his brother one of the knives he kept in his belt, ignoring how the kid’s face paled a bit. He bent his knee, lifting his thigh off the ground to give Wind a better angle to cut the arrow at. The captain instructed him to hold the arrow steady as he sawed through it, explaining to him while he worked that this would hurt a lot less than just snapping it in half and also reduce the likelihood of getting splinters stuck in the middle of his leg.

“Okay good, good,” he wheeze when the tail came off and Wind handed him his knife back. “I think you know what comes next, bud.”

“I’m sorry…” the sailor’s voice wobbled as he grabbed the end of the arrow and carefully ripped it out of Warriors’s leg.

The captain was just proud of himself for not yelling, it was hard to ignore every inch of the arrow as it was pulled through his leg. Eventually it was out, and Wind chucked it far away from them, it landed in the grass with a soft thud. Warriors let out several shaky breaths, blinking away the tears from his vision before forcing himself to smile at his brother.

“Good, good, that was good. And what’s next?”

“Red potion,” Wind nodded, handing it to him. Warriors downed it gratefully, letting himself flop back while he felt his leg knitting itself back together.

“Perfect,” he coughed, fighting to keep his eyes open. Controlling his expressions and tone had been a lot more exhausting than he’d thought it would be, but he’d much rather tire himself put than scare Wind.

“Are… are you okay?” The kid asked softly.

Warriors propped himself up on an elbow with a groan, looking at his leg to see it had perfectly healed up. There was just a small silvery scar that would fade with time. “Yup.”

“Good.” Wind fell on top of him, squeezing him tightly, and the captain rubbed his back comfortingly. “Thanks for teaching me, but please don’t… try not to get shot again.”

“I’ll try,” Warriors laughed.

[ramblesofakio]

I really want to comment on this because it’s something that makes us struggle, even if people refuse to agree.

Syscord and other Discord servers have made it so hard for us to actually be able to connect with our cultures because of constant gatekeeping from people that aren’t in the culture or those that are that just don’t want to see that there’s others outside of spaces and those that aren’t just in one spot of the world.

I have had people tell me that they don’t want me using my name (昭夫) and that they won’t believe it without proof, or they just don’t like someone else using the name. I have seen people get upset with others who were gifted a name. I have seen people say to not use kaomojis because it’s appropriation.

I have seen so many people feel entitled to someone’s DNA and family history because they “want to make sure” that it’s something someone needs to know to “help protect the culture.”

This is not as big of an issue without online spaces. I can walk in public and have like one or two people ask but never tell me to change my name, tell me they need proof, tells me things that makes me want to give up on trying to reconnect with cultures.

It has gotten to the point where the majority of us in our sys that has a name that isn’t English (such as me, 雪, and 朝美 for example), we don’t even try and proxy anymore. Because it feels like someone will hound us and try and take us away from our own blood.

It’s why we hate syscord servers, why we hate the whole online shit of closing everything off. I understand my culture is seen as closed, but I don’t want to be told that “they’re just making sure.” It is no one else’s business for my DNA and familial history. It does not include strangers I don’t know. I shouldn’t have to be ridiculed and asked ridiculous questions “just so I can make sure you can use the name.” Or be told “…I don’t like you using that name” because it’s a name chosen for myself. There is nothing bad to it.

Like 朝美 (Asami), she’s content and happy with her name. She’s been here for years. And she feels like she will not be able to do anything because of how people are now. She doesn’t want to be seen as someone “faking” when we aren’t.

I just, hate this whole thing and how it doesn’t feel like it’s safe for anything or anyone.

Hell, I’ve even lost friends for us being Asian. And I know that there’ll be other people that will absolutely want to not interact with us because of it. I shouldn’t have to expect friends to leave me because of my race.

I’m tired of it and tired of not being able to feel like we can connect with our blood, cultures, and a name that fits us. And i know someone will try and make me see it in a different way, but also understand where we are coming from.

We are losing people because of our own race, we’re losing every inch of motivation to connect with our cultures because we’re having to deal with random strangers feeling entitled or telling us rude things, having people try and forcefully tell us to change our names.

It’s something that’s causing us issues and has been for a time.

My culture is something I need to be proud of, but with so much shit going on, I’m ashamed of being part of it and it’s heartbreaking. We’re trying to be proud about it, but we don’t see a point if this is how everything continues to go. We make a majority of friends online because going out of the house is horrifying, but even that seems like something we can’t do anymore because of things like this.

(Edit because autocorrect said fuck you and turned majority to notify??)

[vinelark]

hello!! out of curiosity, do you have a favorite scene you’ve written so far in bbts? and any headcanons specific for this au?

hello hello! so far my favorite scene is 100% the one in chapter 2 where tim calls jason to pick him up from the marina and kon goes full snarlbite at jason while tim regrets every choice he's ever made. i had that scene zerodrafted before i'd even finished the beginning of chapter 1 and had way too much fun adding to it as i went. second place might be an upcoming scene in chapter 4 where dick gets another crack at the title of Most Annoying Big Brother Ever (honorific). 😌

some headcanons for buy back the secrets-verse:

bruce's romantic life is a thorny, tangled web but he does have a steady thing with clark that lois is also aware of/sometimes involved in. it works very well for them. tim is aware of this enough to use it against bruce if need be but otherwise Does Not See It

duke does not join the crew yet in the timeline of this au but right now in his pre-batfam era i imagine he's running a semi-viral tiktok account where he posts skits making fun of various gotham rogues. (he does have a cameo in chapter 4!)

idk if this counts as a headcanon or as canon at this point but bruce is jewish in this au! this also make a brief appearance in chapter 4. and it is alluded to earlier, iirc.

of all the teen vigilantes running around steph is the one who worries bruce the most. not because she has shown any particularly evil or destructive inclinations, but because she's had the gall to 1) be robin 2) be robin as like, an internship, and 3) date one of bruce's kids twice. there is nothing bruce can do to intimidate her. she's too powerful.

re: the above: stephcass real.

after tim learned about ghost-maker he started logging all of khoa's safehouses in his not-at-all-stalkery bats-and-bat-adjacents database and sometimes shows up at them unannounced 😎 khoa finds this hugely irritating. tim is also khoa's favorite batkid. the two facts are not unrelated.

in a slight au of this au (some minor shifting timelines re: identity reveal) i like to headcanon that bbts could take place in the same universe as Lipstick on the glass

i think clark is genuinely jealous of kon's TTK (in a, like, "that ability is objectively really cool" kind of way), and he lets it show because it makes kon feel good about it. (it also, early on, made kon more determined to train his TTK so he could do cool tricks with it, which in turn helped him strengthen his control/range of abilities.)

kon is relatively popular at school in smallville but doesn't have many close friends there, because kon already imprinted hard on young justice / teen titans crew by the time he started school. he likes people at school just fine but his mind is usually elsewhere.

meanwhile tim has some civilian friends he genuinely cares about but purposefully distances himself from emotionally. everyone else at school at this point either does not think about him, dislikes him, or is morbidly fascinated by him re: his parents + getting scooped up by bruce wayne.

jason does not know how to turn off autocorrect on his phone and is too annoyed to look it up. tim messed with the settings one time and nearly got titans tower 2'd because of it

[spectator-moon]

My thoughts on Martyn Secret life lore stream (Eyes and Ears AU)

first, Martyn why would you hurt me with that imagery? Poor scar ;-;

-I really like the idea of the logo being the pincer on the Watchers. Grian is a force of nature and should be represented as such

-I am of the personal belief that Jimmy did not break free from the canary curse, since he died right before Wither/Warden boss fight and the entire point of Canarys is to warn of danger

-slightly irralevently but I need to draw the Scar

-BOY do I love the idea of Gem being used as the Watchers new tool because of the Zombie outbreak (send Gem all the love for that skill!!!)

-love Gem being taken by Watchers in general, especially adding in her lore that in Empires she thought everybody was just roleplaying, so she came in thinking it was roleplay and got stuck.

-i also like the idea of Jimmy getting struck down because of the Watchers being confused by his "funeral" and once Lizzy dies, then going "wait no he's supposed to be dead hold on-" and striking him down immediately

-i need more ideas for art. Also references. Please more references proportions are awful

-"if given the right tools, how many seeds of chaos can {Gem} sow, and it turns out, she's a bloody good farmer." Good quote. Make art for quote

-negative emotions being ~spicy~

-martyn being the seperate party in the gang of winners

-the watchers pushed Jimmy off a ledge

-players still having that sense of connections and support (i.e. swapping out) despite being in murder games (also I love the idea that when the Listeners swap out players, the players get a choice, so it's all the much more heartbreaking)

-(personal headcanon that Ren was desperately hoping Martyn would recognize him in Tango's body)

-(personal headcanon that all players start new life series incredibly sore from being tensed as they fall, even though they're unconscious)

-(other personal headcanon that fragmented players i.e. life series players are the only ones who can see the fragments on other servers)

-Speakers maybe being part of a group which works as mercenarys (being paid in whatever currency they use to give players the task of helping each other) (speakers being true neutral)

-y'all imagine the cinematic beauty of the climax I want full animaticssss

-Grian couldn't cash in on success because he either isn't fully in, or because the Watchers are being petty

-the two watchers being the actually evil equivalent of Jesse and James from pokemon

-Grian has emotions about previous series absolutely stunning idea

-like the idea that Winners get to keep their emotions (hence Pearl and Tilly, Grian w/ Scar, etc)

-Fragement lore fragment lore fragment lore

-THE PLAYERS ALL HAVE FRAGMENTS AND I NEED TO CHECK THE POST WHERE EVERYONE PUT THEIR IDEAS FOR PLACES

-Martyn is furry (fragment dog collar) (very not serious)

-fragments appear as important moments from lore? (Can Scar just have a big ol' one where he got punched in the face by Grian from third life?) (I know they don't appear because final death but it was a generator of so much angst)

-autocorrect my beloathed. (Grian ≠ Groan)

-sometimes fragments become scars, and everybody gets confused because "this moment wasn't important I have no emotional attachment to this moment why is there a scar?"

-PLAYERS CANNOT REMEMBER THE EMOTION GOBBLING AND ARE JUST GENERALLY CONFUSED WHEN THEY HAVE AN EMOTIONAL REACTION TO SOMETHING SOMEBODY SAYS

-headcanon that the Watchers do a real shoddy job at emotion gobbling and often leave the memory, which can prompt an emotional reaction. Also, Watchers actively ignore certain negative moments in favour of those spawning more negative emotions (like a cobblestone generator but for negative emotions)

-datastream Martyn??? Please explain I have not the time to watch all the vods

-eeeee winner theory!!!!!

-we love Villain scar

-PEOPLE CAN SHATTER IF THEYRE TOO FRAGMENTED OH MY GODS PLEASE FANART AND FICS

-so wait if they get to watch how it ends does that mean they had to sit and watch Scar go insane???? That makes that sadder

-so without any knowledge of Datastream Martyn, can I suggest that mayhaps datastream means that literally Martyn leaps between worlds by moving through the literal data stream? I have seen references to a Doc, so maybe he and Martyn were experimenting and Martyn got stuck? I know something happened to Doc, probably bad given that the reference was 'yes the red stuff was definitely ketchup', so was it because of the knowledge he has gained? Again, never seen any data stream so take all of this with a grain of salt. I just like analysing stories and have read enough to be able to pick out plotlines fairly well.

-oooh lore comic i want to read that

-Secret Keeper is Watchers putting on a trench coat and going "yes yes no watchers here yes yes"

-imagine how invasive it would be to spawn in and just KNOW the rules, with no background for why or how you have that information. Boy that could be a cesspit for angst. Imagine the panic of that inserted information. (Grian has to calm somebody down fic???)

-new lore enjoyer, but I love this already.

-making a proper movie with this concept would be AMAZING

-players were kidnapped lmao

-Scott having that forewarning for Jimmy and Scar is a funny thought

-Listeners are oldest children fighting their middle siblings (Watchers) because Mom and Dad will blame them for the poor player hurt

Making a part two because this is so long already

[12timetraveler]

if you're still looking for random requests/inspo ♥️ how do you think it would go down if Arthur tried teaching Albert to hunt??

Shot

Content: Arthur Morgan & Albert Mason, hunting, bromance, romance?, 2AM if you squint, cowboys having feelings.

Authors note: Hello Hello! It's been a minute since I've posted anything. I've been dealing with burnout for the last few months and typing words has been like pulling teeth. Even the joys of Black Hills Redemption couldn't pull me out of my slump. But this ask was sent in to me and it sparked an Idea™ so here we are! Hope y'all enjoy.

I really liked this prompt a lot and I had a ton of fun writing it!

I left their relationship a little more open. Y'all know I ship it like FedEx but I didn't really feel like going into the romantic aspects of the relationship so this could be a romance or a bromance. Readers choice.

As always this was written on my phone so if you see any typos or weird autocorrect things, no you don't.

Also just a shout-out to Matt if you're reading this! You sparked some Albert content in my brain which has been very helpful for overcoming the writer's block so thank you! 💙

The full story can be read below or on AO3 (Must be logged in to view on AO3. Blame AI bots for that.)

~~~~~~~~~~~

“If you're going to be out in the wilderness, you need to know how to survive,” Arthur had explained to Albert over some drinks at the Valentine saloon. “What if your horse spooks and runs off with all your supplies?”

Arthur bumped into Albert on the road into town; Arthur looking for a drink to celebrate a job well done, and Albert riding in to rent out a hotel room for the night. After some friendly chatter on the ride in the two had gone to the saloon together for a drink.

“I know I'm not the adventurous type, but I do know how to make a fire.” Albert huffed good naturedly.

“But do you know how to find water, shelter? Do you know good water from bad? Can you hunt?”

“Mr. Morgan, you know I'm not terribly fond of the sport.” Albert cut in.

“Ain't a sport when it's survival on the line,” Arthur countered. “I'm not talking about shooting an animal just for fun, or to show off. I'm talking about finding a rabbit to eat when you're on the brink of starvation.”

“Well…”

“Listen, I understand why you hate trophy hunters. Killing an animal and leaving most of it out to rot is a damn waste. If I hunt something, I use as much as I can. I eat the meat, turn the pelt into something useful, use any part of it I can. Even if it's just a little trinket on my belt. That's the kind of hunting I'm talking about.”

“I suppose I don't have much experience there,” he admitted. “My father took me duck hunting once but it was just sport. He was usually busy drinking with his business partners. I never really paid much attention.”

“Well, now's as good a time as any. ‘Specially if you're gonna be wandering the wilds taking photos of animals.”

~~~~~~

“I-I’m not so sure about this, Mr. Morgan,” Albert stammered as the two men dismounted their horses just east of Twin Stack pass, in the fields south of the oil field. “I really don't think it's necessary.”

“You're the one wandering the backcountry taking photographs of wild animals. You need some survival experience.” Arthur replied. “Shooting bottles out behind the saloon can only get you so far. You need to try on something real.”

"Mr. Morgan I…” Albert stopped walking, nervously rubbing his hands together. Arthur turned to face him. “I don't know if I can do it.”

Arthur softened slightly. He understood Albert, to a point. He remembered vividly when Hosea had taken him hunting for the first time when he was 15. The thought of killing an animal had turned his stomach. He actually threw up after his first downed deer. He had always had a soft spot for animals, and never wanted to see them suffer. Any time he went hunting, even now, he'd kick himself for hours if it wasn't a clean shot, and the animal suffered at his hands.

“First off, please call me Arthur,” he began, stepping toward the man.

“Then please, call me Albert.”

“Alright, Albert,” Arthur chuckled. “I know it ain't easy. You don't want to see the poor animal suffer. You don't want to become like those poachers who waste everything for a trophy.”

“Exactly,” Albert sighed, openly relieved that Arthur understood his hesitancy.

“But we ain't talking about that kind of hunting. We're talking about survival. Catching a rabbit to feed yourself for the night. That's it. It's no different than eating beef or pork. Just more work.”

“I guess I see your point,” Albert relented.

“With any luck you'll never have to hunt for food. But if your horse spooks or you get stranded or for any reason you need to survive, you need to know how to hunt.”

“Alright,” Albert straightened up, steeling himself for the lesson at hand. “Let's go.”

“Good,” Arthur said, patting Albert’s shoulder. “Now you might want to invest in a little varmint rifle, or even just a standard rifle for protection, seeing as you're out trying to photograph predators. But for today, you can use mine.” Arthur pulled out his varmint rifle and handed it to Albert.

The gun looked a little awkward in the photographer’s hands, like he wasn't entirely comfortable holding it. But he and Arthur had done some practice shots before heading out here, so he at least had some familiarity with the weapon.

“Check that it's loaded,” Arthur instructed, and Albert paused, following Arthur's earlier lesson on loading the gun. Knowing he'd emptied it before putting it on his horse, Arthur handed him some ammo to load the gun before Albert could even ask.

“Thank you,” Albert chirped, nodding politely to Arthur as he began loading the gun. “Would you bring something as well?” Albert glanced over at Arthur as he slid the bullets into their place. “In case my shot is bad, will you bring a gun to finish it off so it doesn't suffer?”

“Sure,” Arthur agreed. “I think that's a fine idea.” Arthur slipped his bow and arrow from the saddle. “No point in bringing in another gun and ruining the meat.” He explained.

“Right,” Albert hummed. “If we're going to hunt the animal, we should make sure it's usable.”

“Follow me,” Arthur said, guiding Albert up the hill a little way.

“See these little holes in the hillside?” Arthur asked, pointing to a few small caves in the dirt as they climbed “Entrances to the warren.”

“How do you know they're not badger holes?”

“Too many to be a badger den. Besides the tracks around are rabbit, not badger.” Arthur shrugged. “Come on. We'll get up here on the rocks overlooking the warren and wait.”

Carefully the two men positioned themselves up on the rocks near the top of the hill, looking down over the slope. Arthur crouched down with a sigh, and Albert moved to do the same.

“Now what?”

“Now we wait,” Arthur grunted. “It's cooling off so they'll likely come out to feed as the shadows grow longer. Just need a little patience.”

“Right,” Albert breathed, settling in on the rock on one knee, varmint rifle gripped loosely in one hand.

The two men waited about twenty minutes, neither saying a word. Albert’s knees had grown sore, then moved beyond, to that painful numbness. Despite this he kept still and did his best not to make a sound. Finally his patience was rewarded.

“Oh, look! A rabbit,” Albert whispered. “What a beautiful shot. I should get a picture–”

“That ain't the kind of shooting we're doing today, Albert,” Arthur chuckled in a low whisper, reminding the photographer why they were there. He knocked an arrow in his bow, ready just in case Albert needed the assist.

“Oh. Right, of course.” Albert whispered. He took a deep breath and raised the gun.

“Good, good,” Arthur soothed. “Get it's head right in your sights for a clean kill, wait for it to stop to eat for a moment.” Arthur could feel the man trembling a little beside him, but Albert was focused on the task at hand. “Take a deep breath in, and out. Always shoot on empty lungs.”

Albert took a couple deep breaths to steady his trembling hands. Everything else seemed to go quiet, and as he finished an exhale, he pulled the trigger.

The shot was good, but the rabbit turned it's head at the last second, and the kill wasn't as clean as either men hoped. Arthur quickly followed it with an arrow, ending the animals suffering.

“Damn,” Albert sighed, defeated.

“Don't beat yourself up. It would have been a good shot if it hadn't moved. Unfortunately sometimes that happens. They ain't prone to just sitting still and letting you get the shot,” Arthur assured him, patting his shoulder. “Even if I hadn't been here, you could have ended it's suffering with another shot, or a twist to the neck.”

Albert shuddered at the thought. But deep down he knew Arthur was right. “I never got a shot like that when my father took me hunting,” he noted.

“Well, the kind of hunting your father was doing sounded a lot more like an excuse to get out of the house and go drinking, instead of actually hunting,” Arthur grunted, swinging his bow over his shoulder. “Now let's go get our catch and clean it.” Arthur offered Albert a hand up.

“Oh,” Albert’s face paled. “We're going to skin and butcher it too?”

“Would be a waste to just leave it here,” Arthur pointed out. “It's death should mean something, even if it's only filling the bellies of two fools like us.”

“I suppose you're right.”

“Come on let's set up a camp further up the hill and we'll have some supper.”

~~~~~~

Albert looked rather squeamish as Arthur showed him how to skin and butcher the rabbit. But he watched with rapt attention, following Arthurs every move with his eyes.

“And that's about it for cleaning it,” Arthur said, holding up the skinned and cleaned rabbit by its back legs. “Then all that's left to do is cook it. Could just throw it over the fire, but if you've got some herbs, it makes it a little more palatable. Lucky for us,” Arthur reached into his satchel and pulled out some thyme. “I've got some seasoning.”

“A gourmet campfire meal,” Albert chirped, much to Arthur's amusement. Using some rendered animal fat he rubbed the herbs into the meat before placing it on a crudely constructed spit over the fire.

“Thank you for teaching me,” Albert continued, giving Arthur a small smile. “I know I've been, shall we say, a reluctant student. But I know that it's good for me to know how to do this.”

“Just don't want to hear about you starving in the wilderness,” Arthur grunted as he sat down by the fire. “By dumb luck you've somehow survived enough trouble with the animals you're photographing. I'd like to keep it that way.”

“It wasn't dumb luck, it was with your help.” Albert settled in the dirt across the fire from him.

“I've only helped a couple of times,” Arthur shrugged, pulling out his journal.

“Maybe, but you've helped more than I can say,” Albert mirrored Arthur, retrieving his own notebook and pen to begin scrawling notes from the day.

“Whatever you say,” Arthur shook his head, turning his attention to his journal.

As the rabbit cooked the men spent the time in silence, each writing down the events of the day. Albert noted the animals he saw, the animals he photographed and where he was when he did so. He also notated the spots he visited that had resulted in no wildlife.

Arthur journaled about the job he worked, totalling up the earnings and doing the math of what to provide to the gang. He also tidied up a quick sketch he'd done of the burnt town below Horseshoe Overlook, as well as a chipmunk he drew.

Both men finished up their writing by noting the coincidence of meeting up with the other, and the events that led them to be sharing a campfire out in the Heartlands. Not that either man would know he was included in the other man's writing.

“Rabbit should be about done,” Arthur said, closing his journal and tucking it away.

“Marvelous,” Albert set his notebook aside and pulled out a pair of tin camping plates and forks. “I have a pair of these we can use.”

Arthur took the plates with a grunted thanks, using his knife to carve the meat off the rabbit until the plates had an even helping of rabbit. He handed one plate back to Albert before settling in with his plate, digging in immediately.

Albert picked at the rabbit slowly, seemingly lost in thought as he stared at the sparse meat on his plate. He took a bite or two, slowly, as if tasting it for the first time.

“You ever eaten rabbit before, Albert?” Arthur asked, studying the man.

“Yes,” Albert flashed Arthur a sheepish smile. “Many times. I suppose it's just different when you see the entire process. See it going from a living animal to a meal on your plate is a bit… jarring. Usually I see it already carved at the butchers, or fully cooked on my plate in front of me.”

“I suppose it would be jarring,” Arthur hummed, scratching his chin. “But after all it's just nature. If we didn't eat it, a fox or coyote probably would have.”

“Very true,” Albert sighed. The two men were quiet for a moment, Arthur taking another bite of rabbit while Albert was lost in thought. “I admire you, Arthur.”

Arthur nearly choked on his food, pounding on his chest a few times to correct it's passage to his stomach. He also had to push aside the way his heart skipped a beat. He'd spent too long living the life of the delinquent outlaw cowboy. There's no way Albert meant it like that.

“Why d’you say a fool thing like that?” Arthur huffed.

“Because I do. You have such a high regard for nature. A trait most hunters I've met are sorely lacking. A respect for life that others just don't have.”

Arthur’s face fell slightly. “I really don't.” He huffed, attempting to lighten the mood with a chuckle.

When he braved to look at Albert once more he only saw a knowing half-smile. Did he know who Arthur was? Well, to be fair he hadn't exactly used a cover name. All Albert would have to do is read the paper and he'd know who Arthur was. But if he knew, why hadn't he turned Arthur in?

Albert just shook his head, as if reading Arthur's thoughts. “Respect for animal life, then,” he countered.

Arthur didn't know what to say. Albert was such a gentle, polite man. How could he be sitting here, talking to a known killer, and calling him admirable?

“Guess I got enough blood on my hands,” Arthur shrugged, deflecting the compliment, as usual. “Seen enough suffering without adding any more to it.”

“I think there are too many people in the world who don't care how much blood they spill, human or animal,” Albert remarked. “They lose their humanity.”

“Most days mine is hanging by a thread,” Arthur grumbled, voice full of self loathing.

“I think you've got a stronger grip on your humanity than you think,” Albert set his food aside, attention all on Arthur.

“You… you understand what I do.” Arthur waved his hand, not really wanting to say it. Albert nodded a confirmation. “You've probably seen my name in papers, or on bounty posters. You know I ain't a good man. Battery, robbery… murder. I don't think I could get much worse. I ain't got much humanity left.”

“It's true those are some… high crimes,” Albert relented. “And yet, in talking to you, I see more humanity than I do in the high society crowd. The leaders of the nation are soulless. They're only out for themselves. Wouldn't help an old lady cross the street, let alone random fools they find in the wilderness.”

“You sure you're not an outlaw?” Arthur huffed. “Sound a lot like my mentor. He loves to ramble on about how crooked society is.”

“We both know if never cut it as an outlaw,” Albert snickered. “I'd die on day one. And it wouldn't be to a gun. I'd sooner trip and get trampled.” The two men laughed at that before Albert continued.

“Whatever your reasons for doing the things you do, I don't think you're the monster the papers make you out to be,” Albert explained. “Every time I've met you, you've been nothing but helpful and kind, if a little gruff. You may be a sinner, but aren't we all?”

“I think my sins may be a little greater than yours,” Arthur scoffed.

Albert only shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe the greatness of our sins varies by the hands we're dealt. The life we live. It's easy to be good when you're born with a silver spoon. It's harder to be good when you're fighting every day just to survive.”

“You a philosopher now?” Arthur chuckled.

“I've had a lot of time to ponder life's intricacies of late. Seeing nature in all her beauty will do that.” Albert shrugged. “But my point is, I've met you a handful of times now. You've never given me any reason to doubt you. The papers say you're a monster but I consider you… a friend.”

“A friend?”

“Yes,” Albert affirmed. “A friend, if you'll have me.”

Arthur was quiet for a moment, staring at Albert, trying to decide how to respond. He clearly couldn't respond with his true thoughts on the matter. He wasn't any good at the sappy emotional side of friendship. His friendships usually considered of having each other's backs and teasing each other relentlessly. Maybe the occasional fishing trip.

“You shouldn't have left your food unattended,” Arthur noted, nodding to the tin plate Albert had set down. It was now empty, the bushy tail of a fox disappearing into the bushes behind him. The fox let out it's laughing call as it darted away with what was left of Alberts dinner.

“God damnit all,” Albert huffed, grabbing his plate and glaring after the fox.

“Here. You can have some of mine.”

“No, you eat, I'll be fine.” Albert tried to protest, but Arthur had already halved the meat on his plate and plopped it onto Albert’s.

“That's what friends are for,” Arthur shrugged. It was the best way for him to confirm Albert's statement. They were friends, as odd of a pair as they may have been. Albert grinned, bobbing his head in thank you before digging in to the small amount of rabbit that remained.

“So, what else have you gotten pictures of since I last saw you with the horses?” Arthur asked.

“Oh let's see. Well I did finally get a picture of a coyote after our first encounter,” he hummed. “And then the wolves. But I showed you that one. The horses, um… oh I caught a beautiful shot of some bison rutting in the dirt. And a loon on the river.”

The rest of the evening consisted of the two men swapping stories of their adventures. Albert detailed all the many trials he'd faced trying to complete his project. Arthur in turn told him if the strange things he'd seen on his adventures. The glowing green light over a cabin in the heartlands. The cauldron of grey liquid up in the hills of Ambarino. The strange bones he'd found in, on and around Mount Shann. Just little things, talking long after the moon rose in the sky, until neither man could keep from yawning.

An unlikely friendship, but one that made a huge difference in both men's lives.

[widgenstain]

Alright, almost a week later, here is my review of Vanya and the night I saw it. Autocorrect didn't let me type this on my phone in my grimy bunk bed and that cold got me good, but here are my thoughts! @itsathingialwayssay , @shegottosayit , @illfayted17 this might interest you. Be aware, there are spoilers for the play as well as the production behind the read more.

I saw the play on Monday September 25th, so my opinions are based on that evening, can’t say anything about other nights!

I’ll start with some negatives:

The theatre. Not so much the interior or the personnel, who are absolutely lovely, but why oh why did I have to hear the trains throughout the whole performance?! At first, I thought it was on purpose, with it being the Russian country side, so you might hear some trains here and there, but no, it’s Charing Cross that you hear. Also it’s freaking expensive, but we knew that.

Secondly, I was annoyed by the audience. It was a surprisingly large number of classic elderly theatre goers, who all seemed to enjoy themselves a lot (except for one guy who snored), some teenagers dragged there by their parents (or the promise of seeing Moriarty) and some assholes, like the ladies next to me. One came in after the first act, prosecco in hand, they whispered to each other during weird moments and generally seemed bored and/or disappointed. Which is their prerogative, you don’t have to like everything I do, but with these two it seemed… performative.

Also, about the standing ovations: I get Andrew’s critique, it’s dumb if you feel like you MUST do it, but the fact is, that in a theatre that small, you don’t get to see the person bowing, if you don’t stand up. So yeah, people stood up, I did too (because unlike in Austria where you clap for like 5 minutes if you DIDN’T like it and for like 30 if you did, in the UK they only come out to take a bow once or twice and I wanted to see him), but these two ladies just left with sourpuss faces.

Thirdly the cigarettes. I knew he was going to smoke on stage, what I wasn’t prepared for was them smelling this bad. They’re not normal cigarettes, they’re of the self-rolled, cheap student tobacco kind, that you only really use for blunts. They reeked. If you’re in the first few rows, I’m sorry.

Fourthly, I don’t know if the play really lent itself to a one man show. Don’t get me wrong, I loved what Simon did with it, the way he mostly cut out the love rivalry between Vanya and the doctor, and shifted the focus more on Helena was a great decision. It made the play more cohesive and boiled it down to its message quicker. Loved the modern language and the Britishisms (could have dealt without the name changes, no one is called Vanya in a play named Vanya) and it was truly laugh out loud funny at times, which is great, because I’m depressed enough without listening to depressed Russian people for a full show.

But still, while it all worked in the end, I think there are plays better suited for this treatment. I have spoken to shegottosayit about this, but I also think they kinda expected a familiarity with the play, because it helps you following the plot. I talked to two girls in the queue outside though and they weren’t familiar with the play and understood it well, so what do I know.

Which brings me to the great stuff. The whole thing starts with Andrew just wandering on stage, smiling into the audience, switching off our lights and turning them on on stage. As if to communicate, ok, we’re in the theatre, you’re here to watch a play, I am an actor doing that play, like we’re all in on a joke. He starts with the different characters and they all have an identifier. For example, Vanya has his sunglasses, Helena her chain, Sonya her dishrag and it’s all nice, haha, see the actor is using props, so you know who is who, it’s simple and harmless. That’s how he gets you. Because he doesn’t need them and over the course of the play he starts playing and fucking with them and it’s SO GOOD!

He doesn’t change his voice much between characters, except the two “funny” ones (and maybe Alexander), there he goes a bit into more comical registers, but for the main characters he pretty much uses the same voice. And you still can tell them apart! Because he changes posture, his body language, yes, his tone, but not his voice and the levels of masculinity and femininity (in a traditional sense), yet he never veers into camp or offensive (that aspect really fed into my unpopular opinion on the whole “straight actors in gay roles” discourse, which I will never talk about). It’s incredible to watch how fast and seamlessly he does that and how effortless too. That’s the craziest thing about watching him act, he makes it seem easy, as if it’s nothing to him.

And the faces. The theatre has opera binoculars you can rent for one pound, I forgot my glasses (mild myopia, objects further away get blurry after a long day, especially if they’re an actor I’m watching from the second to last row), so I was super glad to have them and look at his face close up. What did I see? He changes faces. I’ve seen him do it before, but in this it’s instantly and so quickly! I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit creepy how he can change his facial shape somehow and go from sweet Sonya to hardened Ivan Vanya. It’s not just countenance or expressions, it’s something else and wow is it impressive! But a bit scary too once you think about it. ^^’

Also “zooming in” on him really cleared up something I’ve been wondering about ever since I’ve seen King Lear: One of Andrew’s biggest shortcomings on film can be that he sometimes comes across as too much, as a bit over the top. It is a theatre actor thing and he’s not the only one doing it (especially not in King Lear) and yes, that completely disappears live on stage. He acts for the whole house, but it always feels natural.

The one thing that felt a little bit forced was the singing in the end, he's right, he’s not a good singer (sorry!) and it took me out a little bit. The ending of Vanya is beautiful and heartfelt, I get what they wanted to achieve with him singing “If you go away”, it was a pause, a mood setter, but I think there are better ways to do this than through a musical interlude. That said, I saw A Little Life the other night, which is by the same production company, they made poor James Norton sing too and compared to him Andrew sings like an angel. So maybe I’m just a massive snob (hint: I am).

The other things that took me out a little were the sex scenes. Yeah, sex scenes in a one man play where the original play has none (at least not explicitly so). Damn, it’s been almost a week and my mind is still reeling from them. Did I like them? I have no fucking clue! I seriously need to talk to someone who didn’t have Andrew star in all her lonely sexy fantasies for the past 4 years, because I need to know how they affected someone with a normal, working brain who is not me.

I was torn between “wtf is going on” “JESUS HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF” “…you’re watching a dude make out with himself…” “…the sounds…” “don’t look at his naked back while he’s humping the stage, that’s rude, OH GOD YES LOOK AT HIS NAKED BACK, LOOK AT IT MOVE”. The second scene was even worse, because he’s standing up against a door, entangles his fucking impressive arms and moans as the lady while you see him move as the guy. Which was, yes, hotconfusingweird too, but I could have dealt with it, if he hadn’t mimed the penetration literally two seconds before and my brain just short-circuited and disappeared downstairs. The third confusingly hot thing happens in the end, when the doctor says his goodbyes. It’s actually a very good and touching scene, it has been set up that he’s falling into alcoholism and now that all his endeavours are nil, he downs more than half a bottle of vodka. We’ve all seen Andrew chug that beer in The Town and he does it here as well, but it takes a while and it’s so quiet in the theatre that you can hear him swallow and cry all the way through. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Seriously though, there are more than one moment when the whole theatre is just stock-still. I mean, people laughed and reacted, again, one guy snored, I sighed a lot at Sonya (#ohlookitme), but in the important moments the theatre was dead quiet. Except for Charing Cross, of course.

When I left the theatre, my brain was buzzing and I walked out right into the backstage area. I read “backstage to the right” and was ready to walk to the right, even though no one was there. Except that stupid me HAD to ask the security, who I recognised from pics and the Cyrano backstage, if that was the way to the signings. And no, it wasn’t, that’s literally in front of the theatre (and honestly, probably why there are no selfies allowed this time, if they were, people would block that busy street for hours), I was walking towards the actual stage door. If I had had just one ounce of more self-confidence, I just could have kept on walking into the dressing rooms, God damnit!! (I’m kidding, I would never do that, and it would most likely get me banned for life, but still, it was a funny situation and that security was actually really nice and cool).

As for the signing, it’s a straight-forward affair, you line up, you move forwards, he signs your stuff, you move on (except if you’re an old lady, but more of that later). I soaked him in in all my manic brain overloaded happiness while waiting for my turn though, and the first thing I noticed was that he isn’t as short as people pretend he is. Yes, he wore some trainers with a thicker sole, but with them he wasn’t that much shorter than I am. Perfect height, for eye-contact, just saying.

Second thing was that he’s in the shape of his life, dear Lord! I always read him as wiry, which can look buff on screen, but no, he’s genuinely, proper buff. Those are some serious arms and just generally he’s wider than I would have expected. Other than that, he looks pretty much exactly like he does on screen. Some actors don’t, they’re either plainer or prettier (Anne-Marie Duff, she really was fucked over by some cruel form of unphotogenicness) in fact, the second night I went there I saw Sam Yates (he shook my hand :D) and he does not look like he does in pics for example. Andrew does. He has a fascinating and alive face and looks just like he did in that Vanity Fair video, except without the orange goo.

The first night I saw Simon Stephens coming out the stage door too and I literally hopped over to him, beaming like a loon. He and the people he was with were SO nice and so helpful, he signed my version of Vanya (the German edition) and I could actually voice my thoughts (which I couldn’t with Andrew) and tell him how much his interviews have helped me through the lockdowns and how I admire his writing, bla bla bla.

Anyway, I made him laugh, he shook my hand and said “it was a pleasure meeting you [widge’s real name]” in which moment my jaw literally did that looney tunes thing and dropped to my chest. Night was MADE, you don’t understand how much!

[Here I cut out a large chunk of extra thoughts to allow myself to post this in the tags]

Anyway, back to the old lady, she was the one who made Andrew laugh during the signing (LOVE that laugh), I passed her on the way back to the train and had to talk to her. She was a proper lady, dressed elegantly and she was the first damn person outside the theatre who understood my need to DISCUSS the play! Everyone else in the line was talking about other things, I had to PROCESS what had happened. She and her assistant were so cool, and she said she’d absolutely loved it and had a ton of other well thought through opinions on it. Big fan of her, no idea what her name is, but we all should get some cool older ladies to talk about theatre with, when our brains are buzzing with so many new impressions!

I aimlessly wandered on over the Thames after that, sat down in some red paint on the way, which made my jeans look interesting for the rest of the trip and had to just move for a while to cool down. I did go to the queue the next day too, just to be a little less tongue tied around Andrew (it did not work, whatsoever xD), but that was the day Joe Alwyn and a fox made an appearance, so it was totally worth it. As was the whole international camaraderie in the queue. Honestly, I’ve missed that, just people being excited about something together, I got hugged by a tiny Indian (?) girl and a Russian lady, all because we’re a bunch of excited nerds outside of theatre. It felt fucking great.

[bluebudgie]

Lou is currently witnessing me losing my goddamn mind over pringle strategy (someone's phone autocorrected it like that on reddit and i'm stealing it) in real time. Disclaimer this is like 15 minutes in and I recognize that you can probably get used to some of these things but nonetheless i'm continously mclosing it.

I need to talk to whoever was responsible for the visuals of this game. Like. All of the visual decisions.

1) This has to be one of worst readable maps I've ever seen. Why is it all the colours of the rainbow.

2) Same fucking issue as the Octo game all over again. No dialogue portraits. In a sprite based game. That has (pretty good looking!) artwork for all characters available. My son put their goddamn faces on the textbox.

3) Why is everything (that isnt the UI) so goddamn blurry. I dont know why the sprites have a weird black dropshadow aura surrounding them. Bloom eveywhere. Just blurry overall. And you know whats even worse?

When you zoom out to ger a better overview it just gets more blurry. This is with depth of field turned OFF in the options. In general this is with all two graphics options turned off. Of the two the DoF is somehow the lesser evil since the other one is a weird crusty burned vignette that covers about a third of the screen and makes you feel like you were struck with migraine tunnel vision. On top of everything being blurry.

This game is such a goddamn visual clusterfuck. I known they were trying to immitate the (helpful) Fire Emblem coloured grids that show you enemy movement / attack range etc. but with so much stuff overlapping and having animated glow and god knows what else it's just. A fucking disaster.

Visual clarity who. Never heard of her.

Also for some reason menuing feels extremely clunky and slow. Might be a Switch issue.

Also also the prologue map song is super repetitive and annoying. But I'll go on and see if I can't get used to at least some of these things. The character sprite blurriness might honestly be a gamebreaker though. Don't want to keep staring at something that makes me feel like I need glasses.

I'M REALLY TRYING TO GIVE THIS THING A CHANCE I PROMISE