#I really hope this whole thing made sense because i threw around a lot of words and analogies and its really early in the morning for me

[daengtokki]

𝐵𝓁𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒟𝒶𝓉𝑒

Kim Seungmin/Female Reader

wc: 9.7k

rating: fluff -`♡´-

Part 1 of 4 5

MASTERLIST

˚☽˚.⋆

The lines around his mouth deepen. His hand jumps up to cover it as his lips finally break open to make way for a tiny laugh. He replaces his hand with his coffee cup, sipping around a shy smile. “Thank you.” But he shakes his head a little when he says it.

You catch a glimpse of the braces he’s instinctively trying to hide.

/ / /

It’s half-past eight and you’re already an hour behind. Work got hectic, and then the surprise meeting really threw you off balance. Tonight is not the best night for a date. A blind date, actually, set up for you with nothing but love and the very best of intentions in mind by your friend and co-worker. And if you’re being honest with yourself, one of the only close friends you’ve made since moving far from home. She’s your best friend, really. Choonhee even helped you find your job here in Korea.

Now that you think about it, maybe this whole date idea was to take some of the weight off of her. The two of you spend most of your time together. She teaches you how to cook all of your favorite dishes, helps you keep your finances in order. She’s always there when things get a little too overwhelming. You don’t blame her for wanting to find you more friends.

You feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket.

“Please please also be running behind,” You mumble to yourself.

Meet him at the cafe in an hour

A sigh of relief. You look at yourself in the mirror. Time to shower. Time to overthink what you’re going to wear.

It’s just a casual thing, she said. No dressing up. Just wear what I’d wear if I were hanging out any other time with any other friend. That really didn’t make things easier, though. You try to remember what she did tell you about your date, but it wasn’t much:

Tall, but not too tall. ‘Taller than you’ is what she said, actually. Nice eyebrows. Kind of a smart ass if you know him well enough. He’s funny…she really emphasized the fact that he has an interesting sense of humor. His hair is currently blond, or it was the last time she saw him. ‘He looks cute blond’, also her words. And ‘he did it for work’.

What does that even mean? You didn’t bother getting any other information out of her. It’s going to be uncomfortable and awkward no matter how much you know, but you forgot to ask how well he spoke English. It doesn’t matter now. You just hope there’s enough overlap in language to make it through an hour or so.

____

At 9:40 (you’re late) you jump out of your taxi and try to orient yourself. You’ve been here before, but not much, and not lately. And it’s busy because of the holiday. You suddenly regret every decision you’ve made today. Maybe it’s not too late to cancel and get yourself back home and under the blankets.

Buzz buzz

Are you there? He’s waiting near the door, but didn’t want to go in without you because it’s a little busy

Oh, that’s kinda nice. At least he’s thoughtful. Or maybe he’s just anxious. Your heart is still beating out of your chest and you can feel how hot your cheeks are despite the chilly air. You start your walk toward the cafe, about a half a block down. There are far too many people loitering on the sidewalk; waiting for rides, talking in tight little groups, phones out and taking videos of friends. You squeeze yourself through until you get to the tables set up outside. Also full of people.

You close your eyes and take in a deep breath. Seven seconds in, five out. Right? It helps a little, so you open your eyes and take a cautious look around. There are so many people that could potentially be him, so you try to filter out the blonds. There are a lot of kinda tall blonds, but only one by himself. And he isn’t really blond. This guys hair is a light soft brown. The way the warm lights bounce off of it does make it look lighter, though.

He’s right by the outer doors of the cafe, back against the wall with one foot flat against it. His raised knee is swinging back and forth like a metronome. He’s bobbing his head a little as he stares down at his phone. It lights up his face, but most of it is covered with a black mask. And then, almost as if he feels your eyes on him, he looks up and right at you. His hair bounces down around his eyes a bit, and he shakes his head until he gets it out.

You hold the eye contact, but you forget how to react normally for a moment. You assume she told him about you and a little about your appearance, so…

He puts his phone in his pocket and waves, a little reluctantly, a little unsure. You’re not the only foreigner here, and definitely not terribly distinctive looking. But you’re certain you’re looking at the right person.

You wave back and smile.

He stands up straight and takes a few steps toward you, hands in the pockets of his jacket now. He takes them out almost immediately, though. Maybe he’s nervous, too.

He nods to you. His hand combs through his hair, but it bounces back exactly how it was before he touched it. “You’re late.”

You blush a little and your heart is thumping again. The mask is making it difficult to read him. That’s not how you were expecting him to greet you, and you really weren’t expecting somebody that looked like him

“I’m kidding…I’m kidding.” Now you can hear the lightness in his voice. It’s almost melodic, the way he speaks. He pulls at his mask a little to adjust it. “I just got here a few minutes ago.”

“Oh!” You try to hold his eyes with yours, but his gaze is a little intense. “Okay good…yeah it’s a little crazy out tonight.”

“It is busy,” he agrees with a little nod. “But we can go inside if it’s not too crowded for you. To get warm.”

His hands are back in his pockets again.

“Yeah, if you’re good, I’m good.”

It’s almost too warm inside the cafe, but it’s roomy, thankfully. The large amount of people are spread out nicely. The lights are turned down low, and the atmosphere is almost bar-like. The biggest difference is the smell of coffee and the soft voices. The music is familiar; something you would listen to in your free time.

He waits for you to catch up. You fall behind without realizing as you adjust to your surroundings.

“It’s nice in here,” he says, “what do you like to drink?”

“Just a regular latte.”

“That’s all?”

You nod at him, and he orders for both of you. It’s a good opportunity to see him in the brighter lights here at the counter. His long legs are in a pair of well fitting (but not too tight) black jeans, cuffed just enough that you see a bit of his ankle peeking above his white and tan sneakers. His jacket is light blue denim, and the hoodie underneath is white.

He half turns to look at you, and his eyes narrow in a way that let you know he’s smiling. It sets off butterflies in your stomach. You’ve barely spoken to him and you haven’t even seen his whole face, yet here you are, feeling like you’re falling.

“They’ll bring our drinks to us. We can find somewhere to sit.” He waves you toward him, and you follow as he leads you to the most out of the way table he can find. You’re thankful for the semi-privacy here.

There’s not much time to start a conversation, but you look at each other briefly. His gaze is a little intense from above his mask, but soft. His eyes are big and shiny, and he doesn’t look away from you. It feels like he’s searching for something to say.

A few moments later, a young girl arrives with two drinks. When she walks off again, he finally takes off his mask. Carefully he unhooks it from one ear, then the other, and folds it neatly into his pocket.

He’s better looking than you were expecting.

The smell of fresh coffee and the look in his eyes makes you feel a little…woozy. You wonder if he looks at everyone like this. It’s getting so warm in the cafe. You shake yourself out of your top layer before wrapping your hands around the warm mug.

Your force yourself to look up at him again. “Choonhee told me almost nothing about you. She didn’t even get your hair color right.”

“To be fair, I change it often.” He lifts his straw to his lips. Iced coffee. “She told me a lot about you.”

“Yeah? What did you she tell you? I may have to correct a few things.”

“No,” he laughs and shakes his head. “She said you were…nice, cute, funny, smart.”

You try not to dispute his ‘cute’ claim. Either he means it or he’s just being nice. Both are fine right now. “She did mention that we have similar personalities, but I don’t know exactly what she meant.”

“I think she must have a type when it comes to friends.”

His English is nice; very smooth. Only occasionally does he make a mistake with cadence. But it’s hardly noticeable. His voice is sweet and soft, and very soothing to your ears. You hope he keeps talking all night. Things will go much easier for you that way.

“She told me you were kind of a smart ass.”

Seungmin laughs at that, throwing his hand over his mouth when he does. “Only if you deserve it.” He drops his hand back to the table and then around his drink

The two silver rings he’s wearing glint a little in the light. One is thin and plain, the other is much wider, and the shape is a repeating row of G’s. You somehow recognize that G. It’s a Givenchy G.

“Is this real or a knockoff?” Gently, you take his hand in yours to get a closer look, and then realize how silly of a thing that was. Sometimes you forget to show restraint. You’re very American.

He doesn’t pull away, though. He doesn’t seem to mind you taking his hand in yours without warning. “It’s real. It was a gift.”

“Silver looks good on you.”

“Thank you.” He drops his eyes from you to your hands still clasped together. He says nothing, just waits until you let go to pull back.

“Oh…gift, that reminds me.” He digs in the pocket of his denim jacket and pulls out something small and white. Before handing it to you, he looks it over and smiles. “It’s silly, but I got you this...”

“You brought me something?”

Seungmin nods and passes it across the table. When you grab it, it’s soft and fuzzy. It’s a keychain. You’re definitely blushing and you’re 100% certain he can see the pink rising up from your neck and into your cheeks.

“I don’t know if you have a favorite, but Choonhee said you like dogs. I like dogs, too. Pochacco is my favorite.”

“Thank you, Seungmin.” You stare down at Pochaccos face and squeeze him. Then you hook him onto the keys hanging from your bag. You keep holding onto him, though.

He smiles again, much bigger than before. And this time he doesn’t cover his face with his hand. You see his braces this time, and it makes you smile. You obviously shouldn’t stare, but it’s hard not to. They look cute on him.

An oooh comes out in a whisper and you didn’t mean it to, but it’s out there now. You can’t take your eyes off of his mouth, and now you’re wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

“Oh…uhm.” Seungmin keeps smiling, but now his lips are back together. “Did she tell you I still had my braces?”

“No, she didn’t mention it.” You lean into the table more so you’re closer to him. It’s not a very big table. “She told me very little, I guess she wanted me to be surprised.”

“Hopefully no…bad surprises.”

“Nothing bad yet.”

The smile on his face becomes a little more reserved, but it’s still very much there. “How is your coffee…are you hungry?”

“It’s good,” You pick it up and take a sip. He’s been too distracting…you can’t even remember if you’ve taken a drink yet. “I am a little hungry, but I’m not much of an eater on dates. I’m usually too nervous.”

Seungmin nods, seeming to understand your reasoning. “Please let me know if you change your mind. We can get something.”

You nod back, “so how do you know Choonhee?”

“She used to work with me, where I work now.”

“Oh, where do you work?”

He seems to hesitate for a moment, look around, fidget with his drink. Then he looks at you again. “I work for JYP Entertainment.”

He works at one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea. And Choonhee worked there, too.

“I had no idea she used to work there.” You sit back in your chair and fold your arms over your chest. “That’s kind of a big change from what she does now.”

Seungmin nods, “in atmosphere, maybe. She was a tutor. You are a teacher, yeah?”

You nod, “yes, I teach English. Sometimes music, as a substitute.”

The table shakes a little as he moves closer. He can’t get much closer, unfortunately. “You teach music?”

“Not often, but yes. I take it you like music?”

“Yes, very much. Do you sing?

“Yeah, a little.”

There’s a little smirk on his lips as he finishes off the last bit of iced coffee. He shakes the remainder of his ice as he stands. “I’m going to find the restroom, I’ll be back.”

Before he leaves, he shakes himself free of his denim jacket and hangs it neatly across the back of his chair. You nod and watch him walk away. It’s difficult to keep your eyes off of him, but as soon as he disappears into the restroom, you pull out your phone. It’s buzzed three times since you’ve been here.

Have fun!!

Did you find him?

You don’t have to answer these btw, I’ll assume you haven’t answered because you found him and immediately fell in love

You unlock your phone and begin typing a response. “Yes, we found each other.” Send. You think for a moment, but her reply comes through before your next message.

Well!?

“He’s cute.”

You’re gonna fall in love, just give it a minute

From the corner of your eye you see him walk by the table. You look at him; he looks at you and waves, but his mask is back on. You think for the smallest moment he’s skipping out, but he’s only heading to the counter again. You watch him and your phone at the same time.

Buzz buzz

He likes you

Oh, he must have sent Choonhee a message in the restroom. He likes you. You’ve barely known each other thirty minutes, so he can’t possibly like you that much. But you like him, so maybe he does…

He returns with two small plates and sets one of them in front of you. The other is his. “I heard they have very good pastries here, so I thought we should try one.” He removes his mask and goes for a taste.

You pick yours up and carefully tear it in half. It’s filled with chocolate. “Oh, did you get the chocolate one, too?”

As he’s biting into it and making a mess, he nods. The flakes stick to his lips as he chews, and he carefully tries cleaning them off, but it’s a challenge. It’s cute. You can’t help but think of going over there and cleaning him off yourself. But you shake away the thought and stop staring.

——

“Seungmin…” he hands you your fresh coffee and leads the way out of the crowd. It’s dwindled a bit, but not by much. “It’s a nice name.”

“It’s so common, but I guess that’s not really a bad thing.”

“You look like a Seungmin.”

“Oh, is that a good thing?” He laughs.

You mmhmm him through your sip of coffee and purposely brush against his arm. He gave you his denim jacket to wear. You told him you weren’t cold, and it was no big deal, but you’re secretly grateful you have it around you. His scent is subtle on it; it’s nice.

“Are you warm enough?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” you look up at him, but you can’t see well in the dim light. You can just make out the silhouette of his nose and mouth and chin. He licks his lips after another sip of coffee. “It’s nice here.”

You walked from the cafe and ended up at the edge of a large public park. It’s lit up and cozy, but a little chillier now that it’s gotten much later. There are still plenty of people milling around, though, mostly couples and groups of teenagers, but it’s not too crowded.

There are seats and tables here, so he leads you to a spot under some decent lighting and a working outdoor heater. It’s comfortable enough, but mostly it’s nice having him more to yourself. He’s looking down at his hands as they spin his coffee cup. A hot one this time.

Big dark eyelashes hide his eyes from you. Lips are closed tight like, he’s deep in thought. He looks at you then, as if he feels you watching. The lights makes them look wet, like maybe he could cry at any moment. But his cheeks lift as he smiles. His lips stay closed tight, but the corners of his mouth twitch a little as he fights an even bigger smile.

He feels familiar, but you can’t figure out why. Maybe you’ve seen him before. He’s the kind of good looking you’d see on tv or in a magazine, but he also looks like your cute childhood crush all grown up. So now you suddenly wonder what business you have being in front of him. Did Choonhee really think this was a good blind date?

Maybe for you. Seungmin could probably have anyone he wanted.

“You’re very handsome.”

The lines around his mouth deepen. His hand jumps up to cover it as his lips finally break open to make way for a tiny laugh. He replaces his hand with his coffee cup, sipping around a shy smile. “Thank you.” But he shakes his head a little when he says it.

You catch a glimpse of the braces he’s instinctively trying to hide.

“How long have you been here in Korea?” He asks. He can’t keep them hidden while he talks. Well, he could, but you’re sure he’s aware of how silly it would look if he held a hand over his mouth for the entire date.

“Two years…not very long,” you keep yours eyes on his eyes…or on his hands as they fidget with his cup. “I think your English is better than my Korean.”

“Is it?” Seungmin raises his eyebrows, and his face lights up. He bites down on the corner of his lip, making your eyes wander to the metal glint when he flashes his teeth. “Thanks.” He rubs a little at his mouth, probably fighting the habit of covering it again.

You want to tell him to relax; that his braces don’t distract from the rest of him

Seungmin sits up a bit and looks around. A few people have walked by since you sat down, but not many. There’s music playing from somewhere nearby, but you can’t tell where it’s coming from. It’s a soft song you’ve heard many times on the radio at work.

You want him to tell you everything he can about himself, but you don’t want to scare him off. It’s been less than two hours, but you can already feel yourself attaching—falling for him—doing what you always do with anyone who gives you the type of attention Seungmin is giving you tonight. He’s only had eyes for you all night, but occasionally he looks around and gets quiet…a little uncomfortable.. The first date nerves have mostly subsided for you, but maybe they haven’t for him.

“Are you still hungry? We could find somewhere to eat if it’s not too late.” He seems to be searching your face for an answer before he continues. “If it’s not too late to eat, I mean,” he looks down at the time on his phone, “it’s a little late.”

It’s nearly eleven. It is late for you, technically. You’re usually up early, unless you don’t have to be. Maybe he’s an early riser as well.

“It’s not too late, not during the holiday.”

____

Seungmin gets the two of you a ride this time, and you head a few miles closer to the city. There’s so much space between you in the backseat of the car, but he has his body turned toward you as he speaks. He seems to be texting on his phone between your conversation, but it’s the first time he’s been on it all night, aside from getting the car.

“I go here very often, so they know me.”

Pochacco is in your lap. You fidget with him as Seungmin speaks and types at the same time. “I’m glad you like him.”

____

The mask is back on his face as he leads you toward the restaurant. It looks busy from the outside, but the open design makes everything feel calm and quiet. As you’re standing there waiting, you feel his fingers graze against your hand. Your fingers twitch back against his.

A young man, you assume he is one of the hosts, walks over to you and bows. “We have your table ready for you.” He looks at Seungmin, and then to you before gesturing to follow him.

You walk off to the right and a little further beyond the packed bar. There are a fair amount of people in this slightly more private area, but nobody pays much attention as you follow Seungmin and the host to your table.

“What are you hungry for?” Seungmin removes his mask again. “Everything here is very good.”

“I’m not very picky, and I’ll try anything at least once. As long as there are no intestines.”

“Gopchang is not my favorite, but I have a good friend who makes it very well.”

You scan the menu. There’s a surprising amount of dishes listed. “I think I would like to try whatever your favorite dish is.”

“How do you feel about sharing something?”

It’s a cute suggestion and it catches you by surprise. He keeps doing all of the things that make you feel stupid and in love.

“We can both pick something and share them, or share one dish…if you want.” His smile grows a little as he speaks.

You like watching him become more comfortable as the night progresses. Hopefully your calm is making him calm, because you feel much better now than you have the entire day.

“Yeah, let’s share something.” Whatever makes you feel closer to him. One dish between the two of you is the obvious answer. “We should have your favorite.”

“I hope you don’t like spicy. I can’t do spicy.”

“No, I don’t need spicy. Maybe some kimchi, though. I like to try the kimchi everywhere I go.”

Seungmin smiles at you without holding himself back. “Yeah, we should have some kimchi, and Jjajangmyeon as well.” He nods and picks up his tea, but doesn’t take a drink. Instead he looks at you with curious eyes. The edge of the glass sits lightly against his lower lip.

You feel a little flutter in your chest just from looking at him now. “You should smile like that more often.”

“No,” He says it bluntly but playfully. “Maybe in a few months when they’re finally off.”

A little wave of sadness washes over you, but passes quickly. “You can smile for me, I like it.”

The buzzing of a phone interrupts you, but your eyes linger on his softening face for another few seconds. It’s Choonhee needing an update. You don’t want to be rude and you definitely don’t want to be distracted from working on figuring him out—or making him smile more.

But then another text message dings. It’s not you this time. Seungmin reaches into his pocket and glances quickly at his screen. “Should we answer her?”

____

You only reply to Choonhee’s text after your order has been placed and Seungmin excuses himself from the table.

“Yeah, all good still”

He LIKES YOU

You feel goosebumps break out all over your skin when you read her reply.

“He’s a little bit of a mystery. How did you meet him? Why didn’t I know you used to work at JYPE??”

You send the message, hoping you get an answer before he comes back. But a reply doesn’t pop up until a few minutes after he’s returned and food is brought out to the table.

Seungmin begins splitting the food between the two of you. “You can answer her, it’s okay.”

“No, I’m not worried about it. I’ll text her later.”

It doesn’t hurt to glance down at the message, though. All it says is “Kim Seungmin likes you (ง¬᎑¬)ว”

You give the air in front of you an irritated sigh.

“Are you okay?” Seungmin stops as he’s fixing his food. His brow wrinkles a bit with concern. It’s very cute. “Did I give you too much?”

“No no, I wasn’t sighing at you, Seungmin.” You pick up your chopsticks and situate your food in front of you, but wait for him before you dig into what looks like very good kimchi. “I just…looked at Choonhee’s text. She drives me crazy sometimes.”

“She also drives me crazy. She was very persistent about us meeting each other.”

“She wouldn’t let me say no.”

You both take a bite of food together.

“She’s very lucky it’s a holiday and I could get time away, though she probably would have kept pestering me.” He takes another bite, watching you curiously as you do the same. “Did you want to say no? You didn’t want to come?”

“Did you?”

“I asked you first.”

He’s funny. “I didn’t, only because I don’t really like blind dates. I don’t like going into anything…blind.”

“That’s understandable. I did want to come, but also I didn’t, because dating for me is difficult and sometimes awkward for the other person. But a while ago I told Choonhee I wanted to make more foreign friends. She doesn’t forget things.”

“Does work keep you very busy?” Now seems like the time to really pry. “Is that why dating is so hard?”

“Work is very busy, yes. I feel like I have to be on 100% of the time, and it can be very exhausting.” He takes a big, messy bite of food, then covers his mouth as he tries not to giggle through it. It takes him a few moments before he can speak again. “That’s one reason why it’s difficult.”

“I am glad I came, though.”

“How is your food?” Just as he asks, the server returns to the table with another plate of food. “Oh, I got us something else.”

“More? I don’t know if I can eat what we have here now.” Your eyes widen at the sight of this new plate of food. “Oh!”

Seungmin laughs and serves you a few pieces of gopchang, “sometimes it takes a few tries before you really appreciate something.”

You gingerly pick up a small piece of intestine and examine it. It jiggles weirdly at the end of your chopsticks. “Okay, so I’ve never actually tried it before.”

“Eat!”

You take the bite, hold it in your mouth for a second, then chew.

“No?”

You swallow hard, then shake your head at him. “No.”

“Well, at least you tried it.” He pulls the plate back toward him and takes a few bites. “Eat some kimchi and get the taste out of your mouth.” He laughs at the grimace still stuck on your face.

“It might take more than that,” but you do, and then a long drink of your tea. Your phone buzzes again.

“Tell her that…we have decided to just spend the remainder of the holiday together. And that she shouldn’t worry about us.”

Your face gets hot, even though he’s definitely just goofing around. When you look up at him he’s calmly eating, looking down at the messages that popped up on his own phone.

“I think she’s having fun with us.”

“This time it’s Chan Hyung checking up on me. He is a worrier.”

“That’s sweet of him. Did you tell him you’re in good hands?”

Seungmin nods and laughs, “I did.” His eyes catch the light and sparkle at you as he leans closer across the table. “He will worry until I’m back home, though.”

“Do you live with him?”

“I’m at my parents house for the holiday, but normally yes. Well, nearby. I have three roommates. And the other four, including him, live together. But basically we all live together.”

Each time you ask him a question, the answer makes you a little more confused than if you hadn’t asked anything at all. You sit back in your chair and let out a long sigh, fold your arms across your chest. “That’s a lot of roommates.”

“I’m so used to it, we’ve been together for a while now.”

“I’m gonna run to the restroom, I’ll be back.” You grab your bag and your phone. Seungmin gives you a nod.

Once you manage to find the bathroom, you have a seat on one of the squishy chairs and pull your phone back out. Choonhee’s last text message is still on your lock screen…

Kim Seungmin likes you (ง¬᎑¬)ว

You start typing…

"I can’t seem to figure him out. He’s so sweet and easy to talk to, but why is everything about him so…"

So what? You’re not even sure where this message is going.

"…he’s different?? He’s TOO sweet, too good looking. Help me out here."

Now you wait for a reply, hoping she’s glued to her phone so you’re not stuck in here for too long. Two girls, maybe a little younger than you, walk in while you wait, and both look at you directly as they pass by. One lingers on you and heads to the mirror to fix her makeup, the other disappears into a stall. You keep your eyes on your phone, but you still see her watching you from the corner of your eye.

Buzz buzz

Why are you so paranoid? You better trust me.

You push the call button and wait for her to pick up.

“Annyeeoong!”

“I am not paranoid! You threw me into this and now you’re picking on me.”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pick on you!” She laughs, though.

“Every time I ask him something, I’m more confused,” you lower your voice as the two girls walk by and leave the bathroom.

“Did you google him? I gave you his full name.”

“No, I haven’t googled him. Why would I google him? Is that a joke? Who wears designer jewelry and has seven roommates?” You’re whispering, but trying to convey your irritation at the same time.

She laughs again.

“I have to get back out there before he thinks I got lost.”

“I’m glad you two like each other!”

“BYE”

Now all you can think about is figuring out who he is before you lay eyes on him again. But do you want to know now? Maybe later would be best, well after you’re home safe and the pressure is gone. The last thing you want is to make everything awkward.

But you’re very good at making things awkward.

A few seconds later you pull up the browser on your phone and type out his name. Why is she setting you up with someone you can google in the first place?

K i m S e u n g-

You stop and stare at the screen. No clues pop up in the auto search. It’s a very common name, but…

You finish. You hit ‘go’.

It loads quickly, and the first thing that pops up is his face. HIS face. Seungmin’s sweet face. Only his hair is much darker in this photo. But it’s him. The weird feeling of falling hits; you feel a little lightheaded. You thought he was a little odd and a little too good to be true, but this…

“Oh my god, you set me up with an idol.”

Another person enters the bathroom and you jump. They pay no attention to you, thankfully.

“And he’s five years younger than me.”

A deep breath in, and a long slow breath out. You’re back on your feet and out of the bathroom. Can you even remember where your table is? Yes, there it is. You see the back of Seungmins pretty head…he’s on his phone, texting it looks like.

Another nice, deep breath. Why the hell did she set you up with an idol? You’re not surprised you didn’t know who he was, though. You don’t listen to much pop music; even the kids at school haven’t introduced you to this particular group. The name doesn’t sound familiar, anyway. You have a few confiscated photocards in your desk drawer. You’re sure he’s not one of them, but you can’t wait to get back to school and check now.

You walk back over, calm and cool and not like you were just losing it a little in the bathroom.

“Welcome back!” He smiles as you sit and puts his phone away.

Now you look at him and realize just how good looking he is. Of course he’s an idol, what else could a face like that be? And he’s a main vocalist. He sings. You…kind of sing.

“So, Seungmin…”

He answers with a soft hmm? as he chews his food.

“Do you sing? Or play anything? You said earlier that you liked music.”

He nods and smiles, swallows his bite, “I sing, yes! And I like playing guitar and piano, but I don’t do that as often as I’d like.”

“I would love to hear you sing.” You say it sincerely, because you mean it. His speaking voice is so nice, you’re certain his singing voice is even more beautiful.

“I would love to hear you sing!” He adjusts himself in his chair like he’s trying to get himself closer to you, but there’s nowhere else to go. His face is somehow brighter. “We should do that…we should sing.”

“You wanna sing with me? I doubt I can sing as well as you.”

“We don’t know that!”

You rest your chin in your cupped hands and smile at him. He smiles, too. You think his smile might be your favorite thing about him. “I do know.” But there’s so many things to like.

“Oh,” his head cocks to the side a bit. Another thing you really like, and he does it a lot. He’s staring through you and it feels like he’s hearing every thought that’s currently flying around your brain. “You know?”

“What I don’t know is…” putting it into the right words is difficult for some reason, and your tone of voice has accidentally come out a little cold. You don’t want to come off as rude or ungrateful of his company. You like him, but it’s suddenly become a little bit weird, and very complicated. “I just don’t feel like we…” you stop again to think. You suddenly feel really stupid for talking at all. “I guess I just don’t understand why you seem to…like me.”

All of your insecurities have suddenly jumped to the front of the line, and it’s clouding your vision. The things you were so happy about before are now being pushed down by your own stupid, stupid thoughts.

“Hm?” Seungmin’s face falls a little. He’s sitting still, and for the first time, he’s stopped eating. He can really put away a lot of food for being so slender. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize, Seungmin. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just having-“

“Second thoughts.” He says it matter-of-factly; no inflection.

Everything you say now is coming out all wrong. The words in your head and the words coming out of your mouth aren’t matching up. Your heart is starting to pound, and you feel warm, but not in a good way. Not in the cute, blushy way Seungmin was making you feel before.

“Would you like me to take you home? I can get us a car. Or I can get you a car.” He wrings his hands and reaches for his phone.

“No, no don’t do that,” Your chest feels tight and your words almost get caught in your throat. You stop and think about your next words, because right now you’re not doing a great job of speaking. “I’m sorry, I’m really not very good at this. Dating, talking to people, getting my thoughts out properly.”

Seungmin puts his phone down on the table, thinks for a moment… “I do like you. But I haven’t been very honest, so I am very sorry for that. I would like to be honest with you, if you’ll stay.”

You look down at your lap and realize you’ve been squeezing Pochacco the entire time. You release him, run your thumb over him. “Yeah, I do wanna stay.”

His face his confused, innocent, and soft all at once as he stares at you. There’s a little concern there, as well. You can tell he’s wondering what happened in the few minutes you left the table. He also might be nervous about telling you who he is.

He clears his throat and takes a drink, preparing himself to tell you what you already know. You hate making him do this here.

“I know you’re an idol. You don’t have to explain anything.”

Relief washes over his face, and then slowly, realization. “Is that why you’re upset? You left the table…you were okay before that. Please don’t be angry with me.”

“I was just trying to figure you out. And I understand why you were hesitant about it.” You keep your voice as soft as possible, as steady as you can manage. You’re not angry at him. How you could you possibly be mad at him while he’s looking at you like that? “Maybe we can go back to before, when I didn’t know...”

“It’s so hard meeting people genuinely…people who don’t already know who you are.”

There’s a long silence between the two of you, and looking up at him again suddenly feels impossible. You stare down at your blank phone, almost hoping a text message will come through. Something needs to break the tension.

Nothing happens.

You almost feel like crying. Your throat tightens and your eyes start to sting from not blinking. “Can we go somewhere else?” The words finally come out of you. “Somewhere with less people.”

“Yeah, we can.”

____

It’s much colder now. And it’s late; well after midnight. You weren’t expecting the date to go on this long. In fact, you had the night planned for yourself once you got home. A few episodes of the drama you’re currently watching, and maybe a drink or two. Warm, under a big blanket.

But now you’re suddenly starring in your own drama.

Seungmin stands in front of you, blocking the slight breeze. You let out a big yawn.

“I’m sorry I’m keeping you out so late.” He steps a little closer when a gust of wind whips by.

“You’re not,” you try to smile at him, but your face feels a little numb. “I can leave whenever I want to, right?”

“Right.” He nods sharply. “Thank you for not leaving.”

“Would it be inappropriate to ask you back to my apartment?”

“Huh?” His mouth hangs open a little.

“I don’t know anywhere else where we could be alone.”

“Uhm, well, it would be a little inappropriate I guess. But I wouldn’t mind if you asked.”

A car pulls up to the curb next to you.

____

The apartment is not ready for any guests, especially not the celebrity variety. You left a mess on your way out—clothes all over the floor, dishes in the sink. But maybe it’s not as bad you’re imagining. This will strictly be a living room visit. And it won’t be long.

“This feels so strange.” He says as the elevator door slides opens on the 5th floor.

“What does? Going home with someone?”

“Yes.” Another blunt answer. His tone is still playful, even after what you’re putting him through. He follows you until you stop in front of your door and fumble with your keys.

You look back at him as you push open the door, “I won’t keep you here long, I promise.”

It’s not as bad inside as you were imagining. You shake his jacket off and hang it above the not-so-neat row of shoes inside the door. Seungmin slides his off and places them next to yours. “I can make you more coffee if you’d like.”

“Sure, if you’d like me to stay that long.”

“Sit.” You point to the couch and head to the kitchen.

Halfway through your work, you notice him leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. He watches silently. You pretend you don’t see him. Above you the fluorescent light buzzes and flickers a bit. It’s the only light in the kitchen right now. The warmth of the apartment and the smell of coffee brewing brings you back down to earth a bit, and you desperately need that before you start talking again.

Seungmin speaks up first, though. It startles you.

“I’m not really allowed to date.”

“What?” You take both mugs in your hands and walk closer to him.

“I mean, I am…but they prefer we don’t. At least not for a while. I would probably get in trouble if anyone recognized me while we were together earlier.” He takes his mug from you and holds it under his nose.

“Why?” Your mind snaps back to the girl eyeing you in the bathroom. You didn’t even think about it until now.

“Well, I didn’t get permission, for one thing. And it helps with keeping the idol illusion alive if we’re not seen with others like that.”

“I don’t want to get you into any trouble.”

He waves his hand at you, pushes away your words. “It’s okay. I get into trouble all the time.”

“Do you?”

Seungmin nods and smiles as he sips his coffee.

You grin at him.

Now that you’re alone together, finding the right words might come a little easier. The tv is on, volume low, just to break the dead silence in the room. He’s sitting back comfortably on your couch with his coffee to his lips, and his legs loosely crossed. You can’t help but watch them as his foot bounces.

Meanwhile, he’s looking at you with soft (maybe a little tired?) eyes. “You have me to yourself now.” His voice is a little tired, too. It makes him sound flirty and…well, you don’t wanna think about that too much.

A nod is all you can manage before speaks again.

“I like this one.”

“You like what?”

“This drama. I finished it recently.”

The silence is a little less tense now, but the room still feels heavy. “Did you really come out tonight to find a new friend?” You’re sweating. The heat is probably up too high, you need to open a window or something.

“Did you?” Now he’s sitting up a little and he pushes the sleeves of his hoodie up to his elbow.

It’s nice to see more of his skin. “No.” You watch his hands as they rub the denim on his thighs. “I should open a window, it’s a little warm in here.” You can feel his eyes on you as you walk to the other side of the room. It makes you nervous. You push the curtain aside, unlock the window, and slide it up.

The rush of cool air is exactly what you need. Your hear your phone buzz on the side table where you threw it. You pretend you don’t notice it when you get back to his side.

“Choonhee wants you…” he almost sings it. He must know you have no other friends.

You imagine one of the conversations between Seungmin and her; Choonhee would say something to make you sound so great and fun, but you don’t like putting yourself out there and making new friends, so you need little push now and then.

Which is entirely true.

“It’s not her,” you lie, just to throw him off for a moment.

“Oh, is it your next date?” His tone is so flat and dry, but the look on his face tells you he doesn’t really think that. Or maybe he’s not sure, and he wants to be sure.

Instead of answering, you just let your eyes linger on his while you pull open your messages.

Well? Are you home yet? Don’t make me worry

”Yes, I’m home. 'Kim Seungmin (ง¬᎑¬)ว' is here too”

Three bouncing dots pop up the second after you hit send. Probably the fastest she’s ever replied to you.

YOU TOOK HIM HOME WITH YOU??!!

And then another…

ԅ(‾⌣‾ԅ)

And more…

( ˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)ε｀●)

◠◡◠(´ ͡༎ຶ ͜ꞈ ͡༎ຶ `)◡◠◡

"OKAY STOP IT", You finally reply

Okay okay sorry but you took him home with you???

”I felt weird asking him, but yes. I also felt weird being out in public when I found out who he was”

OH you knoooow. Okay. Just don’t do anything to him, I kinda forgot to mention he’s a bit younger

”Yeah, I figured that out on my own”

He’s a good boy

”Okay I’m done talking to you tonight”

You throw your phone on the table next to you.

Seungmin readjusts himself so he’s facing in your direction. “Have you watched Hometown Cha Cha Cha?”

There’s far less space between you and him now. His cheeks are pink. It’s still too warm in here.

“I have, yeah. Sorry, I can’t adjust the heat.” You don’t even know why you mentioned the heat. His closeness is throwing you off. You can feel his breath on you.

“I’m okay, this hoodie is just too cozy.” He pushes the sleeves back down and opts for removing it completely. He pulls it off very easily, but the back of his shirt pulls up along with it for a brief moment, showing you a little skin. He catches it quickly and shakes his head to fix his hair.

“I have a song in that one.” He says as he neatly rolls it and places it on the arm of the couch.

“You have a what?” Now you’re distracted my his thin black t-shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders.

He catches you staring at not his face, “a song…in that drama. You heard it I’m sure.”

“Oh, wow…you’re right, I’ve definitely heard you sing, then.” You grab the remote again and scroll until you find YouTube. It takes a stupid long time to load (“you have bad wifi up here” — “thanks, I know”) but once it finally does, you start typing his name into the search bar.

“The song is called Here Always. Your search will be full of lots of other weird things if you only search my name.”

“Oh, how weird?” You search anyway and investigate. “Vlogs…are these official idol vlogs?”

“Yes,” he laughs at that. “I’m filming one right now while on holiday. I didn’t bring my camera with me, though.”

“Yeah, I probably shouldn’t be in your vlog.”

“They’re usually pretty boring anyway.”

You search properly now, throwing the title of the song next to his name. You plan on watching those other videos later.

When you look at him, he has his hands cupped against his cheeks, and he sinks down in the couch a little.

“Are you being shy? You really don’t come off as the shy type.”

“No, I’m fine.” He giggles and relaxes a little.

Now you sit back against the couch, close enough to him that your arms are lightly touching. The video you choose is a clip compilation from the drama, so he at least won’t have to stare at himself as you listen.

Without realizing it, you manage to sink further into your seat as the song plays, and by the time it ends, your cheek is pressed firmly against the fabric on his shoulder. He hasn’t moved, though. So you don’t move. His body is warm and he smells nice, so why should you move? You decide to just stay put and let YouTube choose the next video.

The description says Love Poem, KINGDOM EP8. You can read the names, written in Hangul. Eunkwang, Seungmin, Jongho. You’re pleased with yourself, because your reading comprehension is not as good as it could be.

A soft sigh dances over your ear. You look up, trying not to disturb him too much. Seungmin is sleeping soundly, head back against the couch. You hate to wake him, but he definitely cannot spend the night here.

You want to hear more of his singing, though, so you watch it, and then another, and eventually you lose track of how many Seungmin compilation videos you’ve seen. Group interviews, Seungmin fancams. You almost forget you’re watching videos of the guy who’s sleeping next to you.

But it’s gotten so late. You carefully sit yourself up on your knees and look down on his sleeping face.

“Seungmin…” you whisper. He doesn’t move. His mouth opens a little as he lets out a deep breath, and you can just make out his front teeth against the light pink of his lips. “Seung-“

His eyes open slowly, and he lets out a long, drawn out hmmm before closing his eyes again.

“Hey, you gotta wake up,” you go to place your hand against his forehead, but stop yourself. “Neoneun il-eonaya hae.”

“Your Korean sounds nice,” he opens his eyes again and watches you set your hand back down on the top of the couch. “Say something else.”

You think, not knowing what to say now.” Uh…uhm, neo janeun moseub-i gwiyeowo boyeo.” You speak carefully, maybe a little too carefully, but Seungmin smiles deeply and fully.

And then he laughs a little. A very sleepy laugh. “Gomawo.” He sings out the o at the end little, making it sound even more informal than it should be. “I’m awake. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, I’m glad you’re comfortable. But maybe next time.”

“Maybe next time?”

“You can stay.”

“I can stay?”

You nod, and a brief moment of boldness runs through you. You pick your hand up again and set it against his forehead, pushing his hair up and out of the way. He lets you touch him without protest, in fact, he seems to relax even more under you.

His eyes close, but after a few second, he opens one a little to look at you. “Well?” He says.

“Well…what?”

“I thought you were going to kiss me.”

Your whole body heats up, and you quietly suck in a breath, but you keep your voice from showing how much that knocked you off balance. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

His head moves back and forth a little like he’s thinking about it, and that forces you hand up further into his hair. “Only if you want to.”

You do, so when he closes his eyes again, you carefully lean in and hover just above his lips. You’re not sure when you’ll see him again after tonight, so you want to take in as much of the moment as possible. His eyes open again, and he stares at you. They slowly move down your face until they find your mouth. You quickly close the space and he returns the kiss eagerly, but very gently.

It lasts much longer than you expect it to. He sits up and cups your cheek in his hand as he finds a better position, but it only lasts a few more seconds after that. He pulls away slowly and wipes at his lower lip as he watches you.

No words come to mind, so you just keep quiet and look at him.

“Was that okay?” Seungmin asks. He’s all braces, and the apples of his cheeks are flushed.

“Yeah, that was okay,” You have to force yourself not to go for his mouth a second time. “I’ve never kissed someone with braces before.”

He covers his mouth with the back of his hand, but he still smiles behind them. “Was it weird?”

“No, it wasn’t.” You lean in, move his hand, and kiss him again.

When you pull apart, he rakes his fingers through his hair and relaxes sideways against the couch so his body is still turned toward you. You quietly look at each other; you wish you could read his mind. All that’s going through your head is that this is it. This is all you get. You probably won’t see him again.

Not that he’d purposely ghost you; he doesn’t look the type. But his lifestyle doesn’t seem to allow for the type of relationship you want. You’re way too clingy for this.

“How often do you come home on holidays?”

“Not often enough,” he looks at you like he now knows what you’re thinking. “I’m sorry.”

You place your hand on the back of his neck and pull him into another kiss. And then a phone goes off.

“Oh it’s me,” Seungmin takes his phone from his back pocket and looks at his screen, “I’m sorry, I have to answer this.”

“It’s alright, go ahead.”

He gets up from the couch and answers the call. You can tell from Seungmins tone and language that whoever it is is older, probably one of his roommates, most likely the same one who texted him hours ago. You try not to pry, but it’s impossible not to listen in this small apartment, and it’s useless to ignore when you’re only getting half of the conversation. Your brain just naturally wants to fill in the rest.

“….mos han geo…mianhae…”

He turns and faces you, gives you a shy smile.

“Na jigeum jib-e ganeun jung-Iya”

A few more exchanged words and he ends the call. He returns to the couch, but doesn’t sit again, so you stand with him. He grabs his hoodie and throws it back on without a word, but he does look at his phone again.

“Do you have a ride home?”

Seungmin smiles warmly at you and steps closer, “yes, I have a ride on the way now.”

You assumed he did. He probably has people ready to wait on him at anytime of the day or night. You assume. Honestly, you have no idea what an idols private life is really like. Except for this date, of course.

“I should head down to the lobby, it shouldn’t take long for them to arrive.”

“Can I go with you? To wait in the lobby, I mean.”

He’s halfway to his shoes when he stops and turns to you, “yes, I would like that.”

____

It’s chilly down here, but it’s empty and quiet. You sit closely together on the sofa while he shows you a video on his phone.

“They always steal my phone for livestreams and videos, so I have so much on here.”

The video was taken by one of the other members in his group, because Seungmin is in this one. They’re backstage goofing off with each other, eating, taking selfies, taking photos of each other.

“When is this from?”

“Three months ago. We were in Busan.” He goes back to his album and pulls up a photo he took of himself and another member. “This is from the same night.”

“I like your makeup here,” you zoom in on his face, and then back out. “You have very pretty eyes.”

He smiles and rubs his shoulder into yours a little.

“Who is this with you?”

“That’s Chan, the one who just called me. He’s our leader, and he takes his responsibility to us very seriously.”

“Well, I’m glad he cares about you so much.”

Just as he locks his phone, a notification comes through. His ride is pulling up in front of the apartment building, and it’s time for him to leave.

“Seungmin…” you stand with him and walk toward the doors. “I know you’re probably very busy, but would it be okay if I kept in touch? And I understand if that wouldn’t work.” You feel very bold just bringing it up, but if he doesn’t, you’ll be left wondering until Choonhee finds out for you. You need to know now.

“I don’t think we’d make very good friends,” he laughs and grabs your arm gently, tugging you a little closer.

You pull him the rest of the way into a hug and hold him there for as long as possible. “We wouldn’t.”

“Goodnight. Thank you for not leaving in the middle of our date.”

You squeeze him a little tighter, thinking about how you’ve never had a first date where you actually had difficulty letting the person leave.

“Wow,” when you finally let him go he stares down at you, “nice hug. I will get your number from Choonhee, and I will text you. If that’s alright.”

“You better.”

“Goodnight.”

He turns, walks through the doors, and disappears into the back of a car. And then he’s gone.

You wait there for a few more moments before heading back up the elevator and into your apartment.

His scent is lingering in the warm room. You close the door behind you and turn to kick off your shoes. His denim jacket is hanging on the hook in front of you.

[allwormdiet]

Sentinel 9.6

Well.

At least we're not as fucked as Brockton Bay.

"Ugh, how dare crime be prevented so I can't beat the shit out of the people doing the crimes for my own catharsis" - sentiments of the utterly normal

This glimpse into the inner workings of these two has not endeared me to them any further, tbh. I think the time in which they can actually turn these impressions around is starting to dwindle.

So. Here's Sophia's worldview laid plain, and it's about what I expected. Might makes right, violence and desperation and greed are the true nature of humanity, everyone can be divided between sheep and wolves and she refuses to be a sheep.

Mostly I think I'm just curious as to what, exactly, shaped her to be this way. Like obviously whatever caused her to trigger is a factor, but I don't know if any parahuman has had a complete overhaul of their personality brought about by their power coming online; I suspect that she'd followed some version of this mentality before the worst day of her life (so far) proved her right.

I can't imagine Piggot would be thrilled that Shadow Stalker thinks so highly of her, or at least the why of it.

This is cool, though. Give Wildbow credit, he can make just about any sensation of using a power sound rad as hell.

*sighs* Fucking Nazis

At least Sophia is sensible about what to do with them

Another neat fight scene, this one is a bit quicker than the Travelers tussle so I kinda like it more. That and it involves beating the shit out of Nazis.

Ruh roh Raggy

hiimdaisy_adachi_murder.mp3

Oh yeah, why eliminate the villain who you know is a particular threat to you, specifically, when you can try to torment her first?

This isn't even me saying that Sophia should try to murder Skitter, bc obviously I prefer the latter to the former, but taking the whole thing of seeing her secret identity into consideration, the response to crossing paths should be "take her down fast and hard," not "put her back against the wall and make her panic"

It's gonna fucking break her brain when she realizes Taylor is Skitter, huh?

There's something really funny about how basically every outsider POV we've gotten on Skitter involves hating her ass. Truly cursed to be unpopular.

I like the logical weaknesses of Sophia's power so far. Things getting into her shadow form, like bugs, fuck with her ability to remanifest because she has to "shove" them out of where she's going to solidify. The electricity I'm less clear on, maybe just some quirk of what she's "made" of in her altered state, but it's a good way to explain why she can't just leap through buildings willy nilly. The thing with the gas/vapor absorption that gets mentioned in a second also makes sense and is pretty neat.

Hey Sophia do you maybe regret playing with your food a little bit

Also still cool to see Skitter's powers from the outside POV

God that's so cool

...Y'know, if these two could get over their bullshit for like, a minute, they could probably have some very cathartic hate-makeouts. More blood than normal for kissing but less blood than normal for their usual interactions.

Lol

Lmao

Nuts that what threw her off in this moment was looking for a secondary murder weapon to cover up her power's tell.

Also: get fucked Sophia.

And you fell for it hook line and sinker, because you're a petty tunnel-visioned sadist.

Got the whole crew doing the group pose, love to see it

Also: hi Aisha, glad you get to join the team, sorry you had a trigger event, hope the future scenes with you are less uncomfortable than your first one

Skitter is so fucking good at playing up the villain role, she really should be proud of the work she puts into it.

Not entirely sure why they're kidnapping Shadow Stalker, but I'm sure it's going to be another photo album moment for the Undersiders and their rise to prominence.

Concluding Thoughts

Y'know, a lot of trouble could've been avoided if Sophia just ignored that impulse to play with her prey. I'm not gonna be like "oh why can't she just rein in the violence" because every parahuman we've met so far is either a participant or facilitator of violence, but the cruelty is what's gotten her in trouble here. Not only did she only get baited into this trap because she refused to make an earlier attempt at the killing blow, not only did she take the bait of hunting down a lone villain while a PRT convoy was under attack by fucking Nazis, but the hostility might have been avoided if she hadn't gotten her kicks from tormenting and assaulting Taylor. If Sophia was just Emma's friend who hung back and watched as she tormented Taylor, things might've differently all the way back in the medical tent, but alas, she was a willing and gleeful participant.

Little concerned about what the fuck they're going to do to her, but there's nothing to do but wait and see.

Also, cautiously glad that Imp has arrived, she seems fun from what I've picked up via osmosis, again fingers crossed that her continued presence in this story doesn't involve nearly as much wincing as Tangle 6.3 because holy shit.

[wonyui]

Nonsense — Y.J

PAIRINGS ; Yoo!Jimin x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY ; Late Night fun talks with your best friend turns into something more when she pulls a stunt that could possibly change the whole point of your friendship.

GENRE ; wlw, oneshot, fluff, beat friends to lovers, late night talks, non idol AU

"Karina?" Your best friend hummed in reply, watching as you typed your thoughts away into your laptop. "You do realize that my dormroom isn't for you to come and just hang in, right?"

She jokingly rolled her eyes and threw a pillow, somehow landing it into your face, despise doing horribly back in high school whenever the two of you would have p.e. It didn't hurt as expected, but your laptop had been closed when the pillow landed and forcefully closed it.

The older latter giggled, finding it a bit hilarious because that was the same exact blank stare that you gave her when she "accidentally" covered your face with lots of frosting, leaving you sulking and ignoring her the whole day. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you for checking in on me. It's not like the pillow didn't just hit me in the face."

"I'm sorry." She tried to control herself by covering her mouth, but it only ended in a big fail when she laughed even more.

"If I fail this big exam, I'm gonna make sure my roommate doesn't leave the key doors for you." Karina stopped laughing, knowing that you weren't exactly lying about such a horrible thing.

"Speaking of Yunjin, what's she doing?" You chuckled, remembering how annoyed Yunjin was when she had talked about the blind date that her mom had set her up on.

About to respond, you balantly ignored her, reminding yourself that you had studying to do. The frown on Karina's face once again appeared for the 3rd time of the day, finding you to be a bit boring when you focused on things that were months away from even happening. "The exam takes place in a few months. You know that, right? Even I haven't started." You raised your brows, remembering the last score that she got on her exam. "Yeah, and who failed miserably because they didn't study?" Karina gasped, throwing another pillow just to miss and hit the frame that she gave to you as a gift.

"You seriously had to aim for the frame, didn't you?" Karina rolled her eyes, moving to help the frame up.

Luckily, it wasn't at all broken. Karina sighed in relief, putting it back and jumping right into your comfortable bed. Every time the two of you were alone, you would question how she was as popular as you were. Despite being an idiot who followed you around, it probably was because she looked the part, so it sort of made sense.

"You're insulting me in your head, aren't you?" She suspiciously raised her head after looking down from her phone to check the time, reading your mind almost instantly.

You fake pouted, feeling sarcastic at the moment. "I would do no such thing to my dear best friend."

She scoffed, wanting to kiss that stupid pout of your face. "Yeah, okay."

-

"I'm not enjoying this."

"Hm."

"I'm bored."

"Oh."

"Are you even listening? Can you even hear me?"

"Uhuh.."

Karina huffed, trying to find some sort of way to get your attention without acting as though she's being too bothersome. The older latter crawled over until she rested well beside you, drilling holes mentally in hopes that you'd notice her frustration.

"You know you're really annoying," you shut your laptop, having no choice but to ditch it for the grown baby besides you.

"Yet you still tolerate and love me," She proudly defends herself, "plus that was like, the first insult you've ever thrown at me. Are you sure you really find me annoying?"

Unable to fight back, you sigh almost instantly before closing your eyes to calm your whole body after that 3-hour study session.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" You open your eyes, taking in Karina's ethereal beauty.

Raising your eyebrows to question exactly what you were forgetting, Karina replies before you could even open your mouth to ask. "This is exactly the time we cuddle asshole."

"You're utterly insane. I don't do cuddles, and we never have done anything that involves cuddling." You retort, cringing at the idea of cuddling someone.

"Okay, well, can you at least sit up?" The thought of having to sit up for this maniac was too much to bear. But since it was Karina(who makes sure things go her own way), it was best to obey without any questions.

After doing exactly what she asked, you made sure to open your eyes as wide as it can go so it doesn't decide to doze off again. Karina silently watched as you put strands of hair behind your ears, coughing awkwardly to stop herself from staring too much.

"Let's talk about.. stuff," Karina trailed off, trying to think of a subject that could last a convo. "Like the people we have a crush on."

You scratched the back of your ears, hoping you at least heard it right. "And since when did we ever gossip about our crushes?"

"Aha! So you have someone you like?" She managed to trap you in one of her awfully annoying schemes.

Blankly staring at her to see whether she was being serious or not, you realized that she was, in fact, not joking around. "Um, no." She squinted her eyes, wondering if you were lying to her.

Shrugging and sounding almost uninterested, you made sure to clear up what god knows what stupid assumptions she was making in her head. "I mean, I don't have anyone I like."

"And why?" She asked, a little grateful that you had no interest in anyone. Even it wasn't her.

"Seriously?" You glared, questioning why she was so curious in your love life all of a sudden. "Fine, I just don't like having the thought of having someone that could possibly distract me."

"I distract you all the time."

"You're different."

"What? So you don't see me as a potential partner?"

"What? N- wait what."

Her annoying, proud smirk gave you nothing but negative thoughts. "Oh? I knew it."

You groaned in annoyance, hiding behind your hands. She was honestly a pain in the butt with the clever schemes that she always manages to pull most of the time.

"Are you crazy? I was tricked!" Karina shook her head, denying the fact she didn't trick you into admitting that she was a potential partner for you.

Laughing at your reddening state, she took your hands to make sure they weren't blocking your face. "Calm down, I was only joking." You glared, finding her jokes to be quite a handful at times. "Yoo Jimin.. seriously, you're annoying." She softly smiled, almost forgetting that she had been holding your hands the entire time.

"Let go of my hands," Karina instantly listened, this time she was the red one.

You were heating up, feeling a bit too shy to even endure the situation. Although she was sometimes weird, Karina wouldn't take her jokes this far, and it annoyingly worried you.

"Are you embarrassed?" Karina asked all of a sudden, watching as you repositioned yourself.

Cooling yourself down, you stayed silent. It wasn't that you were embarrassed, but it was because you didn't know exactly how to respond rightfully to that. "Not exactly." She sighed in relief, getting a bit closer for your liking. "Really?" The way she whispered felt a bit too illegal, sounding a bit too confident rather than worried.

"Karina, I'm not at all embara-" Before you could finish your sentence, a pair of soft lips managed to shut you up.

Looking for any signs of discomfort, Karina melted into the kiss after realizing that you weren't thinking about pushing her away. She softly moved the strands of hair that you had been struggling with, finding it to be a bother while in the middle of the kiss. Your hands interlocked, making the kiss a bit too affection. The two of you managed to kiss until there wasn't any more oxygen to take in, forcing the two of you to pull apart.

"I.." You were about to speak just for Karina to cut you off. "I'm not gonna ask how it was, but I hope that shows just how I feel about you."

"I'm sorry, Karina." Karina looked a bit sad, wondering what went wrong after the two of you had recently just shared your first kiss.

Leaning over to give her a peck on the cheek, you wiped the frown off her face. "I'm sorry for stealing your second kiss."

"That was kinda cringe." Karina jokingly pushed you away, feeling as though she could cry from the fact that you had just accepted her confession.

You softly kicked her, laying back down on the bed. Karina took her place next to you, forcefully making sure that she'd wrap her arms around you. Before you could wiggle your way out of her grasp, the door slammed open.

"Holy shit!" Your roommate, Yunjin, closed her eyes as if she had just witnessed something bad. "I'm sorry for interrupting? I knew I should have knocked what the hell."

You escaped Karina's grasp, glaring at the older latter before running over to Yunjin to explain what she had just seen. The younger latter clearly didn't believe the excuses you threw at her, closing her eyes and ears while walking away as an attempt to forget what she just saw.

"You're acting like that because you don't have a girlfriend!" Karina yelled before snickering, causing Yunjin to curse at her in English.

[moralesmilesanhour]

Hi, hope you're doing well. I was hoping to request Earth 42! Miles with a SO that's really into art. Like fashion and films and literature and all that and knows a lot about art history.

Hell yeah! (I'm an art history major and my mom did fashion design so I got rlly excited at this)

Warning: vague spoilers for 'NOPE' (2022) if anyone cares about those lmao

"...Do you need sumn?"

Miles gave you a weird look. You had been looking him up and down for the past ten minutes, and not in the good way. Your eyes narrowed.

"Your 'fit is bothering me."

The fit in question? A sleek, structured leather jacket paired with swampy-green basketball shorts. The horror.

Miles looked down, then looked at your own monochromatic ensemble as you stood with your arms crossed. Somehow you had made a large belt with a blue tracksuit make sense. Clearly you knew something he didn't.

He tilted his head in curiosity. "What's wrong with it?"

"It's..." your made wild gestures with your hands, "...the silhouette. I don't like that jacket with the shorts, it creates a weird shape to me."

Miles blinked. "I don't follow."

You shook your head, "Just lemme getchu a different pair of pants."

As you threw open and rummaged through your closet, the boy sighed.

"I'm not wearing any of them tight ass skinny jeans."

"I know, that's not what I'm looking for...ah! These could work!"

Miles yelped as he dodged the two folded pairs of jeans you tossed at him.

You turned and pointed him towards the bathroom.

"Try em' on, 'cuz we not going out with you looking like this. Claro?

"Claro," Miles grinned with his hands raised in surrender before making a beeline for the door.

He made no attempt to defend his sense of fashion because, frankly, it was funnier when he let you rant about color combinations and "silhouettes". And he got free stuff out of it.

Miles re-entered not more than five minutes later, shifting uncomfortably in a pair of faded bell-bottoms.

You clapped your hands together excitedly.

"That's so cute!"

The boy's upper lip curled up in distaste, and your face fell.

"You don't like 'em?"

"Yeah, not happening."

"Ugh, fine. Lemme see the other ones, then."

Another trip to the bathroom, and Miles returned in a pair of boot-cut jeans of a much darker wash. The way he leaned against the door frame told you that he was far more satisfied with these. You nodded in approval.

"You need some boots with those," you said, visualizing the ensemble in your head.

The grin on Miles' face immediately dropped at the word 'boots'.

"Absolutely not."

"Come on! They're called 'boot cut' for a reason!"

"The converses stay. Those are off-limits."

He crossed his arms, and you relented.

"Fine. You're so boring."

"I'll be that," Miles shrugged. "Movie starts in fifteen. Let's bounce."

-

You smacked your boyfriend in the arm as you exited the theater.

"You fell asleep?!?"

"I'm sorry, okay? They took mad long to show the alien!"

"To show the--that's not even the point of the movie!"

Your arms had begun to flail around, and it was taking all of the strength Miles could muster not to laugh.

"Cálmate," he gently brought your arm down before taking your hand. "Tell me everything you liked about it at my place."

"Don't tell me to 'calm down'," you muttered.

-

"So?" Miles plopped down on his mattress, patting a spot next to him. "What happened while I was knocked out?"

You rolled your eyes, but sat down anyway.

"So like, the whole thing's about spectacle, right?"

"M-hm."

"So they get the weird film director guy to help them film the alien, 'cuz OJ figured out that the alien is a animal, like a horse. Then this guy from TMZ comes and puts his life in danger tryna get footage..."

Miles rested his chin in his palm as he watched your eyes light up.

"...Miles, are you listening? And then she did the motorcycle maneuver from 'Akira'!"

"Yeah, I'm listening. Still need to watch that one."

"...then the movie ends with the sister about to get swarmed by reporters, 'cuz the whole point is that, like, everyone's just tryna make money off of the story even though people literally died."

The boy leaned in and pecked you on the cheek. "Very succinct analysis. Now can we play some UNO?"

-

Miles shoved his cold hands into his pockets and shifted from one foot to another. You gazed into the painted-on eyes of the ancient African headdress encased in a cube of glass.

"Look, Miles! Cool right?"

He snorted, "Looks like one of your wig heads."

"It's bad bitches in every time period," you parried back. "You like that one?"

Miles had moved to your right to get into a staring contest with a mask in a similar display case. It was round with prominent, low cheekbones and jagged fangs to complete its frightening expression.

"Yeah, this shit hard. Can we take pictures in here?"

"Yup. It's a Sachihongo mask. Mbunda style."

He took out his phone and snapped a photo; He had that look in his eyes that he got when he was about to build something for the robotics club. Miles smirked.

"I think this is my favorite section."

-

This was fun to write! Made me wanna hop on a train and visit the MET again sdfghjk I just had to scroll through they website to make sure my descriptions were accurate. Thanks for requesting!

[factual-fantasy]

25 asks! :00 Thank you! :}} 💖

I would like to yeah :0 for now I'm just kind'a goofin around and drawing whatever. Also thank you!! :DD I'm glad you like it! :}}}

I don't think kid Gregory and Vanessa would realize that the other is a younger version of the guard that's pursuing them.. They would just think they have the same name.

What would be confusing though is who went into who's world. If Little Vanessa went to little Gregory's world, she would be so confused. "Where's Bonnie and Foxy? Why do Roxy and Monty look so different..? Why does the entire BUILDING look different..??"

For adult Gregory going into the kid Gregory's world.. it'd be the same thing. "Why is the building so different and where is Bonnie and Foxy?... Also why is there this random gal that has on a security uniform and why is she in my office-"

Thank you! Happy new year to you as well!! 🎉🥳🎊

YOOOO THAT'D BE SICK!! :DDD Also I love all the puns XDD

Yeah, that post is outdated and should not be followed. My pinned post has all the up to date information. 👍

(Also thank you! :D)

That's a thing?? Man. I'm not sure what to think. I was never super into Bendy.. I guess I just hope that the fans get what they're hoping for? <:D

Or at the very least I hope that the people who made Bendy have the freedom to put what ever they want into the movie. :}

Thank you so much! :DD As for my favorite character from my AU specifically? I'd say its a tough pick between Freddy and Foxy.. I thiiiiink I'll pick Freddy XD I just love him man 🥺

@skeletormasterofevil

N-No.. she was so young...💔

@underfalls-36

XDDD That's hilarious, also thANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD

Calico Jack? I don't think so.. scurvy is caused by a severe vitamin-C deficiency. And sailors usually got it becuase they didn't have fruits and vegetables on the ship.. But it looks like Calico Jack has gotten shipwrecked quite a few times in his life. I imagine he's been stranded on islands for a few weeks at a time where he ate nothing but fruits, Veggies and fish. Not to mention his time in the Amazon where he likely had access to all kinds of fruits.

Natquik though? Its possible.. out in the Antarctic his diet was probably mostly fish.. although it seems that real arctic fox diets don't really demand many fruits and veggies.. Still, Natquik seems more likely to have contracted scurvy at one point then Calico Jack :(

:DDD THANK YOU! And boy do I have a lot of that XD

I do have many theories/headcannons yes!.. Although I think I'll keep those tucked away in my brain for now- :x

@citrusfruitman

(Post in question)

XDD I sat on the first ask for a while because I was intending to draw something for it. But I'm realizing now that I might not ever draw it so--

What was going on in that drawing is an evil Undyne threw a spear at the group while they were passing by. Seam was struck in the head by it and was killed.. hence the blood splatter on her face. (My darkeners bleed)

BUT ITS OKAY! Through some uh... very dark methods- Frisk was able to reset to a few moments before and pull Seam out of the way. Then she got into a brawl with the evil Undyne no doubt <XD

I have, and uh, I'm not so sure about the whole "in character" thing.. or at least its not the character I imagined Fazbear Entertainment would be- <XD

It just means they're both rough and tough and their hands get beat up a lot. Kwazii gets them beat from scraping them on stuff and dealing with dangerous creatures while on missions. And Calico Jack gets them from scraping them on stuff and.. dealing with dangerous creatures while on adventures XDD

@spinelfan11

XDD I have now! What an odd specimen..

(Also thank you! :DDD)

@milk-powrit

Its hard to explain exactly why I don't like them.. But I don't like them-

I guess it feels kind'a.. mary sue-ish..? If that makes sense? Or at least having all these sans' that act nothing like the original sans is kind'a off putting? I guess? Not to mention loads of them are shipped together- uhg idk- Its hard to explain but I don't vibe with them personally. So I didn't add them to my au :/

@abaroo

OOOO THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!! :000 I like how it creates a spin on Grillby and River. While Jevil intentionally grabbed Grillby's hand and saved him, and River was dragged along by mistake.. Frisk CHOSE to follow Jevil, it wasn't his doing at all this time. That's a really cool thing to experiment with!

I'll have to look into this idea, thank you for sharing! And thank you for the complements! AND happy new year to you too! XDD

@the-great-bonkings

XDD For receiving hugs? I'd say he's about a 11/10 sometimes, maybe a 6/10 other times. Its harder to hug him comfortably if you're significantly shorter/smaller than he is. But if ur the right size his hugs will just fix all your problems 🥺

As for giving hugs? It might be about the same. But I can see him giving them out only to people he's really close to. Otherwise a tender yet professional hand on the shoulder seems more his style.

XD And I see the prompt there, perhaps I'll have to draw that sometime!

@tanileaf

YOU LIKE? :DDD THANK YOU! I'M SO GLAD!

Aww shucks 😊 Thank you!

@khoiazo

Whaaaat?? Nooo Its not traumaaa,,🥺 its character development!😇

TRUEEEEE

I do! I'll have to post more about them sometime-- 👀👀

@cudlycorncornsworthcoberson

WAAAA THANK YIOU SO MUCH!!! IM SO GLAD YOUY LIKE MY OCTONAUTS SILLIES 💖💖😭💖

[ladymarycrawley]

Always by your side - Trent Alexander-Arnold

Request: Either for mason or Trent but then getting upset over their recent form and comments online and the reader comforting them

Warning: none, just some good fluff to cheer this little puppy up

Tag list: @masonxomount @chelsealover

That match seemed to have started in the best of ways with Liverpool leading with two goals scored in the first fifteen minutes of the first half but Real Madrid was able to flip the whole game to their advantage so that they would have the upper hand and beat the home team 5-2. 

Needless to say Trent was absolutely devastated by the defeat, as it made it particularly hard to make it onto the next round. He has been going through a lot lately, career-wise, and this was just another thing adding to those that have been happening till that moment.

You knew comforting him would have been really hard but leaving him on his own, replaying in his head all the things he could've done right and dwelling on them, wasn't definitely an option.

You dreaded the moment he would cross the threshold of your house and you found yourself gulping out loud when your eyes caught sight of his figure doing so. His stare was fixed on the ground, holding a grudge that was pretty self explanatory. 

"Hey"

He raised his stare only when the loud thud of your front door slamming shut and met your eyes, a veil of sadness covering them.

"Hey"

Trent almost threw his backpack on the wooden floor and lazily dragged his weary body towards you, to get that much needed hug from his favourite person that he knew would have been there waiting for him no matter what.

"Come here" You muttered against his temple, before pressing a kiss there.

The only things that could have made him feel better were, apart from a good cuddling session, some junk food paired with one of his comfort films he would have watched over and over again.

“We can-”

“I just need some alone time”

Well, you thought he would have loved to spend some time with you but you weren’t that  sure after that brutal answer that resonated in the living room.

His answer instilled in you a sense of disbelief, as the option of him wanting and needing to have some time just for himself, to analyze the great loss his team just suffered, wasn’t acceptable. But you knew a core concept to every human relationship is respect so the only thing you could really do was accept his will and step aside.

“Uhm yeah, okay. I see” You stepped back from his body, as he already moved his arms away from your body, to leave him the space he needed.

He thanked you silently, with a half smile gracing his plumpy lips and walked the stairs that would lead him to your shared bedroom lazily.

You let out a nervous sigh as the sound of your bedroom door closing hit your ears, giving your brain the signal to start thinking about something that could have made your boyfriend happy for real.

A couple of hours passed since he went upstairs as it got really late and your eyes were getting heavy with sleep. The last thing you wanted was disturbing him but your body was really asking for some rest and you needed your soft bed to lie on.

The image of him dozing off, his quiet snores filling the room made you smile, sincerely happy to see him in a more serene state than the one he arrived home in.

You crawled on your side of the bed, wrapping your arms around his waist and hid your face in the crook of his neck, fully ready to close your eyes too now.

The one of you to usually play the big spoon would be Trent but that night you had to change your roles as he was really in need to be cuddled so you had to hand him over the little spoon title, for that night at least.

You soon joined him in the world of dreams, hoping he could have found some solace there.

When you opened your eyes in the middle of the night because your arms were starting to ache due to your position, you saw you weren’t the only one awake. The sight of him staring at the ceiling caught you and you didn’t know how to react: was it something you should have gotten worried about? Better to ignore it? Or run to him and tell him you would have gone on loving him no matter what?

“They hate me”

Well, the fact he spoke first made the start of your interaction easier.

“What?” You sat up as sleep was still deep in your body and and your mind, not fully realising what your boyfriend was saying.

“Fans, people that should be cheering on us when we’re playing”

Another sigh left your lips.

“Trent I-”

“I’m not at the height of the team I’m playing in”

You tried to suppress a yawn while trying to brush some sleep off your eyes to try to focus on what he was saying.

“Don’t be ridiculous”

“I’m serious, they keep criticising me every damn week and I’ve had enough. Do you read what they write about me?” He got seated too, as he did every time he got worked up over something.

“You shouldn’t read those comments, Trent”

“Yeah but when nearly everyone says something bad about you you start questioning yourself, I suppose”

“You really care that much about what a couple of frustrated supporters have to say about you? You’re better than that”

“I don’t know at this point”

You couldn’t accept seeing him in that state, it really broke your heart and if that would have made him feel better you would have gone and fought every single dickhead talking shit about him.

You took his face in your hands to look right into his beautiful, big brown chocolate eyes and lean your forehead against his, sighing.

“Don’t let those people make you doubt yourself, you’re capable of everything and I have faith in you”

Trent sweetly clenched his fingers around your wrist to take your palm away from his face to place a kiss on the back of it.

“I love you”

“I love you more. It breaks my heart seeing you like this. I know it’s been a hard loss but a bad game doesn’t mean a bad career”

“Yeah…”

“Give me one of those smiles I love”

Even if the room was dimly lit just by the bedside lamp on his side of the bed, you could clearly see the bright pink shade his cheeks took.

“I won’t go to sleep without a smile from you, I’m telling you”

A shy smile appeared on his lips as you giggled and brought your hand to the back of his neck to scratch it.

“Now we can go back to sleep”

“Can I be the little spoon?”

“Of course you can…but only for tonight!” You jokingly warned him as you laid back on your mattress as he scoffed, playfully tickling your sides.

After a moment of great sadness and despair it usually comes one filled with as much happiness as the suffering experienced before. The exact moment when it happened was the day Liverpool played against Manchester United on a chilly Sunday afternoon: the scousers beat the devils 7-0 and needless to say Trent was beaming. He took you in his arms as soon as he saw you while making his way in the tunnel. 

“See? What did I tell you?” You contentedly said in his ear.

“Thanks” He smiled, a heartfelt one this time, one that could have lit up the whole Anfield in case of a power outage.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here for you because I love you”

It was a vow, to take care of him and make him live the best life possible. A vow for life.

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Epilogue

A/n: The finale. Heyyy, hope you all enjoyed the last update, I’m beyond grateful for all the love it got alongside the rest of this series, it means more than you’d realise. But I just had to indulge myself and write the epilogue too, made sense tbh and I really do love the way it went, there’s lot going on here and I feel like it was necessary to post! It’s just nearing 20k though so hopefully it’s enjoyable, there are a few different cut scenes, where we time jump, and one point where George gives us a little insight to the ongoings in his life, but overall it just shows the years after the end of 28. I loved writing this a whole lot but I am most thankful to @procrastinatinglikeapro for letting me annoy her with the emotions this brought up as well as giving me a place to bounce ideas around, so thank you, you lovely human:) Hopefully I can put you out of your misery now, and that the rest of you enjoy this last part? Thank you sm for reading! X

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Masterlist

Epilogue -

Dealing with a shit hand in life, had both its downsides as well as its ups. 

With all the crap, the dirt, the anger and the grief, there also came perspective. 

As in, the more you’d been shafted with, the easier it was to deal with the more mundane things life had to throw at you. Like when the washing machine broke mid-cycle and flooded the kitchen floor in early December. Or missing the tube into work and being nearly twenty minutes late for an important client’s meeting. 

Even the times when all of your best mates, who were in a band, get suited and booted for a singular night, and then that said band goes on to win a Brit Award- only, you’ve gone and missed it all because you were stuck somewhere in a line to use the loo.

Yeah.

I swanned back over to our table in the mid-section just after, grateful that I’d had the foresight to check for loo-roll on the bottom of one of my heels as well as grab another champagne flute on my way over. 

Wasn’t one for the stuff, in truth. Literally anything else would’ve been better, but alcohol was alcohol and my anxiety always got the best of me at these kind of events. 

Even though I’d known the boys longer than the band had been formed, I hadn’t actually been to that many. This was my first one in quite a few years.

A small frown had etched itself onto my face by the time I made it over to our little section, the table was now half empty and not one of the boys were in sight- and I even ducked down slightly to see if they were pratting about beneath it too! But no such luck.

“Where’s everybody?” I asked Carly quietly, who’d been grinning like the cat that’d caught the cream before she turned to blink up at me. My forehead furrowed even further as I placed my glass down on the table top and took the seat beside her. “You alright? Is there something on my face or summat? You’re looking at me funny.”

She actually had the fucking nerve to laugh at me then, the cow.

“Oi, tell me!” I urged, swatting at her upper arm lightly after just having dragged my chair in.

“Only you, I swear.” Carly retorted, giggling freely now before she jutted her chin outwards, up towards the main stage. “You missed it, babe! They’re all up there!”

It was my turn to blink then, the alcohol slowing my ability to think functionally, before it finally hit me. My head snapped up towards the front of the room, where, low and behold, stood my four idiots.

Shit, I really needed to slow down.

But that was just a passing thought before I threw myself back up and out of my seat to whoop loudly for them, seemingly having lost all sense of decorum- or whatever it was that these toffpots loved to go on about- my anxiety having been well and truly chucked out the window.

The boys all appeared to glance over at me then, and I heard Carly snort behind an extravagant centrepiece just below me when the four of them laughed. Matty, the honest to God twat who was stood holding the award over by the mic, smirked though too, and it was so shit-eating that I could easily see it from across the floor. Instantly I knew what was coming. 

“Oh and would you look at that, the wonderful Birdie has returned!” Matty shouted out, eyes squinting with the extremity of his grin as he leant in closer over the podium, “Where you been then, B? Missed it, sweetheart! Ross reckoned you popped to the loo’s- pretty snazzy, ain’t they?”

“Felt like a queen!” I quipped right back, apparently unable to bite my tongue. 

The lot of them seemed to appreciate it though, as did some of the room.

“Our poor Georgie was a little lost on the way up, babe! But don’t worry, G, we’re all sorted now.” Matty teased, winking over at the drummer stood to his right. George rolled his eyes, but his mouth was curled to one side in a way that couldn’t be helped. “For everyone who doesn’t know the lovely Birdie! She has been with us sorry lot since the very start.”

“Before it.” Ross cut in from behind him, which sent Matty’s head nodding.

“Yeah! Before it even!” He corrected himself and then pointed the tip of their Brit award towards me, “Don’t think we could’ve made it this far without her, in truth. Probably would’ve had a big massive blow up and never have spoken to each other again, knowing us. But she’s the glue that binds us. Always.”

My heart swelled in my chest so much it almost hurt to breathe, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care for the hundreds of people sat in this room, never mind watching it all unfold on the tele, I’d just never felt so appreciated, especially upon seeing the rest of the boys all nod solemnly in agreement. I wiped haphazardly at my cheeks.

“But, as I was trying to say, long before we were all so rudely interrupted!” Matty went on, earning a round of chuckles throughout the arena. “We are beyond privileged to be here at all, and to have been nominated three times, too. Well, I ‘spose it just shows that we’re doing something right.”

I forced myself to sit back down at that and let the four of them carry on with their thanks. It was so beyond strange to sit through though, I don’t think it had ever really hit me just how much they’d grown and seeing them up there was all the proof I needed.

I thought back to the band practices, to the gigs in shitty dive bars and pubs, to touring and seeing them play for thousands of beaming faces. It reminded me of Carly and Adam’s wedding, and the birth of the band’s first baby. Made me think of Ross’s face when he’d come over to Matty’s after his first proper date, how buzzed he’d been, the look in his eyes. All of it had me wishing for the simpler times strung out by the pool and on the school’s playing fields. 

The years had seemed to pass us by so quickly.

I saw it in the wrinkled smile Hann gave Carly, the greying stands in Matty’s hair, and how G’s knees groaned whenever he sat down- though he’d never willingly admit it.

My family. They’d given me so much, filled many a hole in my war torn heart, but I don’t think they had any actual idea how deeply their presence was felt in me. And so as I stood once more to give another lungful of cheers alongside the rest of the audience, I vowed to make sure that they each knew just how loved they were and how proud they made me.

— 

“Yeah, yup. Of course! No, we do do peonies this time of year. Yes, no need to worry it’ll all be taken care of.” I pressed the phone against my shoulder and ear so that I could grab a nearby pen and paper to write a few details down, then hummed watching on as Delia came out the back of the shop. “Okay, and is that all? No, no, thank you! So it’ll be delivered on the Thursday, is that alright? Yeah. Okay, okay. You’re most welcome! Alright, have a good rest of your day.” Then I finished off the call with a classic British goodbye that always seemed to go on a little too long.

Delia was smiling at me now as she placed a couple of empty pots by the counter, hair plaited down the length of her back and with a pair of reading glasses tangled in its top. “Another order?” 

I hummed again with a happy smile at her ask, finishing off the address I’d just taken. “Yup! Big one too.”

“Oo, how lucky we are.” Delia retorted with a small chuckle and a pleased little smile of her own. It’d been a good week, lots of orders, which was promising after the past month we’d had. She glanced over to the clock on the far wall, then back to me, “You still skiving off early tonight?”

Skiving was hardly the term I’d use, but with a fond roll of my eyes, I nodded at her. “I am. That still okay?” Already knowing it was.

She tutted, waving me off. “You know it is. Just letting you know that he’ll be here any minute now.”

My eyes widened and I was quick to spin around to cast a glance at the time. “Shit.” I murmured to myself, listening to the faint laughter Delia gave as I undid my apron and hurried to tidy up what was left of my last bouquet.

“Leave it, love. I’ll be here another hour or so.”

I frowned, then shook my head, always one to clean up my own messes, but I was interrupted then by the shop door’s jingle. Both Delia and I looked up at the same time to find a familiar figure stepping through its archway, he wore his usual cheeky smile and had eyes that looked more alive than I’d seen in a long while. 

Well, I hadn’t really seen him in a long while, he’d been away on tour with the guys for months now and I’d only gotten small glimpses of him through texts and calls, as well as the odd sporadic visit between us both when we were really feeling the distance.

“George.” I breathed out, recognising the tension I’d been feeling for weeks now finally fall from off my shoulders. I couldn’t bring myself to move though, to race on over and throw myself into him like they did on the tele- mostly because that just wasn’t our style. But I did grin, couldn’t have stopped the beam of it in all honesty, and watched him walk the length of the flower shop only to pause about a foot away with his hands tucked neatly behind his back.

“Heya, Birdie. Fancy seeing you here, ey? And still not ready too. Ain’t already regretting having agreed to let me move in, are you?”

He was teasing. His favourite pastime had always been teasing me. But his words still resonated and as much as I wished to reassure him that that was most definitely not the case, I was still me and if he wanted to be a twat, then I could be an even bigger one. 

“Might be.” I sighed deliberately and slowly moved around behind the counter to hang my apron up on its original hook, before glancing over to where Delia still stood, wearing an amused smirk of her own. Far too used to our antics by now. “Just keep thinking about my lovely little flat being invaded by all your man-ness.”

“My man-ness?” George quizzed, withholding an obvious chuckle whilst he raised a questioning brow over the till at me. 

I hummed, tutting lightly before I glanced back at my boss. “You know what I mean, don’t you, Deils? The boxers and socks thrown about everywhere, wet towels left on the bathroom floor, having to clear up after not just yourself but them as well.”

“Like having a dog.” Delia immediately agreed with a dip of her head, “Eat whatever you feed them and don’t give you a minute alone.”

I snorted whilst George just shook his head at both of us.

“Well, most dogs don’t leave and come back baring gifts.”

“Eh, you’d be surprised.” Delia countered but by then I was already intrigued.

“Gifts, you say?” I questioned him, pressing my hip into the counter to rest my chin against my fist.

“Hm,” George hummed in low confirmation, those eyes of his dancing back and forth between my own, “But you know, could always just head on over to Ross’s, sure he’d be fine with housing me for a couple nights…”

I rolled my eyes at the very thought, “As if! He’s probably glad to see the back of you for a while. I’ve heard stories about tour, G. Remember that.”

It was his turn to snort then. “Most likely. Delia, you wouldn’t happen to have a spare bed going for a poor bloke who’s been fed empty promises and chucked out on his arse, would you?”

Delia sighed and shook her head, although she was still sporting a fond smile. “The pair of you. I swear.” She let go of a soft chuckle before checking my hip and shooing me off, “Get on out of here, would you? Driving me up the wall already.”

“You love us really.” I shot back easily, but was all too happy to oblige, rounding the till to grab my coat and bag before acknowledging that I was now standing a foot away from him once again. It’d been far too long. “Hey.” I said sheepishly.

George rolled his eyes at my awkwardness and made a grab for my hand, pulling me in close and pressing a kiss to my forehead before he slunk his arm around my waist. I let myself fall further into his embrace, taking in his familiar build, the aftershave he adored, the tightness of his hold.

“You ready to go?” He asked me gently and I dipped my head to hide the warmth of my smile, fingers finding a belt loop on his jeans.

“You sure you’re alright with me leaving early?” I said once more to Delia, hating having to leave her in the shop on her own.

“Yes! I’ve only told you about thirty times already, lovely. I’ll be more than fine.” The older woman immediately shot back, palms splayed on the countertop whilst she shook her head at me for umpteenth time today. “I think you forget I’ve been running this shop for well over a decade now, and I’ve been doing alright.”

My cheeks burned a tad at her words, but I just couldn’t seem to help it, once you were one of my people you were in for life. And I took care of the ones I held close. “Sorry, Deils. I know I’m being exhausting, I just-”

“Care.” Both her and George said simultaneously.

And I glared meekly at the pair then huffed, “Well.”

George chuckled beside me, the sound vibrating against the skin of my cheek, and could only seem to pull me impossibly closer, “Too much, sometimes.”

I threw my free hand up in the air with a light laugh, “Right. Sorry I’m overly considerate! But there are worst things you could be, you know. Like rude? Reckon the pair of you would know a thing or two about that.”

“Oh, gerroff it.” Delia laughed delightedly, tutting at me. George seemed content to just continue on grinning. “Go on, get out of here before I chuck you out.”

“You heard the lady, B. Don’t wanna overstay our welcome.” George added as he begun to usher us towards the door, but I saw the sweet smile he flashed the woman before the bell chimed once more. “Lovely seeing you again, Delia.”

“You too, be sure to pop back in before you head off on the road again.”

He laughed but assured her with a promising nod, “Will do.”

—

“That’ll be six fifty, sweetheart.”

I smiled and handed it over, pulling the cocktail I’d ordered across the bar whilst I scoped the place. 

It had been just a typical Tuesday night for me, I’d been in joggers, bra long gone, and curled up in front of the tele, but then George had phoned, spouting this and that about the album, telling me to meet the lot of them at a club down in Canning Town. 

I had no idea whether they’d started, finished, or just scrapped the whole thing, but it’d been doing everyone’s head in for months now, and for G to just call up and send a cab to fetch me out of the blue had me intrigued, so obviously I’d gone.

Only, they had yet to arrive. Fucking London. I swear as much as I loved it most days, you could hardly move an inch without it feeling like the entire city was shifting with you. Our flat was a lot further than the studio, but tonight the roads were crammed pack with traffic that had managed to work its way onto the A12, so I already knew that they’d be a little behind. I was merely thankful I’d had the foresight to skip the cab ride and just jump the tube.

A graze to my left arm then pulled me from my thoughts though and I glanced over to find a fella stood crowding the bar beside me, he was tall, blond, and although he appeared to be waiting on the bartender he was also a little too close for that to be his only intent. But me being me, I simply shuffled over a tad to give him some room and continued to sip at my drink, eyes still trained on the club’s entrance.

“Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to crowd you.” I heard the bloke say from beside me and his hand brushed my elbow as he took a polite step away.

“You’re alright.” I waved off, not really paying him much mind now that the bartender had worked his way back over to take this side’s order.

It was nearing almost eleven now and so I popped my phone out of my purse to see if G had sent me an update. He had, almost ten minutes ago in fact, but apparently I hadn’t heard it over the noise.

G: Stuck in traffic Won’t be long though x

I smiled and shot him a quick text back, saying I’d have a large talisker waiting for him.

It was only when I’d flicked it back off, not bothering with whatever else had popped up, that the guy caught my attention again. He’d already cheersed the bartender for his drink, coloured something ruddy, and then granted me a small smile when our sights crossed.

“I love the watch.” He said to me, dark eyes shooting downward to the antique that adorned my wrist.

Caught mostly by surprise, I found myself looking down at it too. It wasn’t much of a statement piece, dainty if anything and odd in its design due to the age, but it held a lot of sentimental value and was something I rarely ever parted with. Hardly anyone passed comment on it though. 

“Oh, thanks.” I replied, drink already back on the bar before I allowed my thumb to graze across it’s glass face briefly. “It was a gift.”

The man hummed around a swirl of his drink, “Looks rather old, got to be at least sixty now?”

I grinned and my surprise stuck with me, he was almost on the mark there. “Around about, it was given as a present to my grandparents on their wedding day. One of their friends gave them one each.”

That answer warranted a little shock of its own, I supposed. If you knew what to look for you’d see that the watch was a Hans Wilsdorf design from the mid forties and the one my grandad had worn completed a matching set. To say that they’d both been given as a gift, especially way back then, was amazing, but even more so seeing that both my grandparents had been working class.

“Can I?” He questioned and dipped his head down at it, asking for a closer look. 

He appeared to know a little about watches from what I’d grasped, or at least had a fondness for them, and seeing as it wasn’t the strangest thing to ever happen to me in a club, I held out my arm to let him. 

“It’s beautiful, well looked after.” He complimented sincerely with careful eye, “May I?” I frowned at his question, unsure on what he’d meant, but nodded once and was only slightly surprised when he took a gentle hold of my wrist to turn it over and glance at the clasp. “Even the engravings have kept.”

I smiled when he allowed me my hand back, glancing down at the watch again, the dim lights over the bar glinted across the metal. “It’s even got a small inscription on the back too.” I felt inclined to add, the chiseled words having stuck with me ever since I’d first seen them. 

The stranger smiled along with me, as though he understood the emotions my revelation held. “Do they have a story?” He wondered, before adding, “The friend behind the gift.”

It wasn’t a well kept secret, the background of my grandad, the friends he’d kept, the men he’d known. But it wasn’t one I’d heard very much of until the visits I’d taken to my Nana’s long after he had died and I’d left home.

“You could say that.” I chuckled and let my arm relax in my lap once more, “He was a… business man, of sorts. Had known my grandad since they were boys, grew up together.”

“A business man?” The man lifted an elegant brow, mouth following.

“Of sorts.” I reminded with a smirk.

“Oh, like that I see.” He smiled charmingly in retort, “Lots of business men mulling about in the fifties and sixties. Any big names I might know?”

I snorted softly, glad he’d caught on so quickly. “Probably. But I’m no snitch, so you’ll be hearing none.”

He narrowed a pair of dark eyes at me in a manner of teasing at that, and on any other girl they might’ve worked, might’ve even disarmed them. But, I was already happy, happier than I’d ever planned on being actually. “And here I was, thinking we were becoming fast friends.”

With a light laugh, I picked up my drink. “I have enough friends.”

“Oh, that hurts, darling.” The man instantly quipped back, raising a ring clad hand to cover his chest faintly. Yeah, he was definitely playing a game here, but just as I’d been about to affirm the fact that I wasn’t and also had a boyfriend, he spoke up again, “Go on, at least let me know the message engraved on the back.”

I peered over at him for a moment and he only quirked his brow in turn, I put my glass back down on the counter to unhook the first clasp on the watch, not enough for it to slip off (I wasn’t a fucking idiot) but so much so that I could flip the face on its front. And there, in a curved font, was written ‘Family has a way of being found amongst friends’.

“Wow.” The man murmured and I hummed softly in agreement, our heads bowed closely to read the inscription together in the dim lights. “Very wise words.”

I glanced up and smiled at him, ready to reply before a hand snaked its way around my waist. My head shot up at the touch and was greeted with the many faces of the band, but most importantly, George.

“You made it!” I beamed at them all, already shuffling over a bit to make room for the boys. Ross was already leaning against the bar though, ordering in a round, Hann seemed to follow his lead after gifting me an strained smile, which was confusing in itself, until I saw Matty’s shit-eating grin and felt George’s hand grow firmer on my hip.

“We did! Seems like you barely noticed though, love. Havin’ fun tonight, are we?” Matty baited, he was almost singing and his expression was nothing short of gleeful. He reached between me and the bloke I’d been speaking to to grab at my drink. “Cheers, B.” He added, raising the glass to his lips and downing what remained of it.

I rolled my eyes, albeit fondly. “You can buy me another now, Healy.”

Matty hissed theatrically through his teeth as though he was weighing on the thought, “Dunno about that one, sweetheart. Seems as though you’ve got bigger shit to worry about here.”

I pursed my lips in confusion just as the curly haired singer slid from view and then glanced up at George, who stood towering beside me. I poked at his side, “Not gonna even say hello? Been waiting ages for you lot.”

George glanced down at me at that and seemed to take a deep breath before he finally smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to my hair, “Hello, Birdie. Been behaving?”

My forehead pinched at his words, but when I looked up I saw the darkened haze his eyes held and felt my breath hitch. I wasn’t sure if it was down to the lighting in the club or something other, but whatever it was it had my emotions warring.

George turned away before I could mutter a single sound. “Sorry, mate. Don’t think I caught your name.”

It hit me then. 

G was jealous. And oh, how lovely that thought was. 

I was quick to dim the smirk that toyed with my lips upon the realisation and pulled a little bit away from his hold to offer the stranger I’d been sat with a truly apologetic smile, “Oh God, yeah, I didn’t either!”

The man’s stare darted between the pair of us before it landed back on me, he masked his confusion well and said, “Tom.” Then stuck a hand out to properly introduce himself, but before I could even think to take it, George beat me to it. 

I blinked.

“George. Not to be rude though, mate. But she’s already taken, so if you don’t mind?”

Startled by his harsh comment and the jerk of George’s head, I blanched and was hasty to reassure the man sat at the bar, “Don’t mind him.” Then turned to my suddenly temperamental boyfriend, “G, we were just talking about my watch. What’s up with you?”

He raised a single brow in retort but didn’t let up on the continuous stare he had on the stranger. Tom, who looked extremely fucking uncomfortable, merely held up a hand. “Didn’t mean to overstep.” He declared before he set his sights back on me, “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way. But it really was a pleasure meeting you, hope you enjoy the rest of your night.”

I fish-mouthed slightly but nodded, “Yeah, sorry. You too.”

The man granted the pair of us a tiny smile and then let himself get swept up in the club’s crowd. I immediately spun around to face George.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!”

He had the cheek to reel back from my hissed words, acting as though I was the one being outrageous here. “Me? I didn’t do anything!”

“You were so rude!” I countered and felt his hand slip a tad from its place on my hip, “We were just talking!”

“He was chatting you up!” He immediately argued, “Anyone could see that from a mile off!”

“He was interested in my watch! And even if he was trying to chat me up, don’t you trust me enough to know when to draw the line?” I sniped back, all the earlier amusement I’d felt drained from my body. 

The skin between his brows pinched as he blinked and the palm placed on the small of my back splayed a little further, his voice softened, “Of course I fucking do, Birdie. Doesn’t mean I like watching people like him fawn all over you.”

“G,” I sighed, “We really were just talking.”

He dragged a roughened hand across his face before it dropped completely to his side and saw the imploring look he then wore, “Do you know how it felt, to walk in and spot you and him knocking heads, so lost in the moment that you didn’t even hear me call out your name?”

No, I didn’t.

Slowly I raised both my arms up to tug on the lapels of the blazer he’d thrown on, glancing up at him with a sincere smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. I can see what it might’ve looked like from an outside perspective. But I’d never do that to you, George.”

The tension in his shoulders seemed to loosen at my words, they were no longer hunched up by the lobes of his ears and instead settled where they were supposed to be. 

“I know.” He whispered quietly, but even over all the club’s noise I heard him. The hand on my back pushed against me to bring me closer to his chest and I went, smiling at the gentle touch of the fingers that grasped my chin. “I know.” 

I appreciated the reassurance. 

“And I wasn’t lost in the moment with him, just so you know. More in the story behind the watch.” I added, releasing the hold on his jacket so that my hand could wrap around his wrist, feeling the beat of his pulse there. A familiar rhythm. 

George glanced down at the watch Nana had gifted me all those years ago and then towards the matching face sat on his own arm. A pair reunited.

He knew. He knew the stories, all the tales. He knew the love and the loss. He knew how much I missed her. How much I longed to see her one more time. And in return, I knew he felt very much the same. Nana had taken George in as one of her own before any of us had even realised, called him up more than me some weeks, and in the lead up to her death she’d wanted to see him, to gift him her husband’s watch. He’d sobbed when she’d died and had given quite the speech at her funeral. I knew he understood.

“I love you.” I told him simply, kissing the thumb that had come to rest on my bottom lip, his eyes trained on mine.

“And I love you. I’m sorry for being a dick.” He comforted me. I hummed with a foolishly fond smile. 

“Good, then you can bully Matty into getting me that drink.” And with that said, I let him go, watching as he rolled his eyes at the order before wandering a few feet away to where Matty was sprawling himself across the bar to get a better look at the champagne bottles they had to offer. I guess we were celebrating then. 

Too lost in watching George corral his best mate from off the counter, I jumped a tad when Ross sidled up beside me, a fruity cocktail in hand.

“What is it with you and handsome strangers then?” He asked me casually and I snorted out an unexpected laugh.

“Dunno really. Why, you jealous?”

Ross wiggled his brows at me, “Wouldn’t that put a spin on the evening.”

The two of us shared a conspiratorial grin and he finally told me why the hell I’d been dragged out of my flat tonight.

—

“Vegas, ba-by!”

“Whoo!”

“VEGAS! VEGAS! VEGAS!”

“Alright, you lot.” George laughed from the backseat of the limousine Matty had rented out for the night- a bit over the top in my opinion, but when in Las Vegas, right? “Calm it down, will you? Only just got here.”

“Oh piss off, George!”

“Should I take my top off?”

“Yeah, fuck off, grandad!”

“I feel like I should take my top off.”

“Shit, is that Elvis?”

“I’m gonna take my top off!”

“Oi!” George’s arms wrapped around my middle and pulled me back down from the sunroof before I could, and I landed in his lap with an oof sound. “None of that, please.”

Hann snorted in the lounger across from us, a bottle of Smirnoff clutched in his right hand as he poured another shot, but was caught off guard by the shirt that came sailing at his face. It was then that Matty’s head popped back into view. 

“No worries, B. Ross took his top off in your stead.”

George snorted, Hann sighed, and I jumped back up to join in on the fun. 

“G, hold this, would you?” I said, top already balled up in my hand and cleavage to the wind whilst I grinned widely at all the lights that Sin City had to offer me.

…

We all ended up on the strip soon enough, limo long gone and the five of us marvelling at all it had to offer. We only had a night to pack full to the brim with stupid choices and a shit ton of money, because tomorrow we were set to head back on the road, headed off to a festival not too far for the band’s next show.

“Where to first then?” Hann asked everyone. 

“Caesars Palace!” The boys all chorused, but me, I had my mind set on other things. “Magic Mike.”

Matty looked over at me for a short moment whilst the rest of the guys simply raised their brows. “Yeah, alright then.” He agreed all too easily enough and that was it. “Magic Mike here we come!” Matty declared loudly before setting off, “Ross, mate, don’t get hard and embarrass us, alright?”

Ross’s bewildered squark was lost in the crowd of people we got swept up in as well as our obnoxious laughter.

…

It seemed that Magic Mike had been an experience and a half, and not just for me either. Matty left the show with a Cheshire sized grin, both Hann and G looked pink in the cheeks, and Ross… Ross was flushed and sporting glassy eyes. I’d been pretty chuffed with their reactions all in all, especially when one of the dancers had tried to drag George of all people up onto the stage. He’d refused adamantly, mind, probably too fearful of the fan’s reactions, but the woman beside us- well into her sixties and sporting a cane- had been all too happy to offer herself up instead. 

We’d wandered off to the casinos after that, but instead of heading straight towards the first table we saw or scoping out the machines, we all seemingly decided on shoving as much alcohol as we could possibly procure down our throats. To say that the aim of the night wasn’t getting sloshed beyond repair would be an utter lie. But this was Vegas and I would not stand to have it any other way.

Saying that though, with all the alcohol a lot of the night seemed to blur, sort of merge into one, the strip lights started to look like rainbows, the cars that passed appeared more Pac-Man like than anything else, and bad ideas seemed like the smartest thing we could do. 

Which is how George and I managed to evade the rest of the band in one of the local bars and escape to where we were currently stood, outside of a tiny chapel a street away from an In-and-Out. Classy. But I’d take it.

“You sure about this?”

“Are you? It was your idea!”

“With you? Always.”

We both seemed to giggle at that.

“I could really go for a burger, you know.”

“B, aren’t you like a plant person?”

I snorted. “Vegetarian, you mean?”

“Hm, same thing, in’t it? Don’t think birds actually eat burgers though.”

Birds. “Well for one, I’m not an actual bird. And b, have you ever seen a seagull?”

“Shit, yeah. You’re right.” A thoughtful pause. “Think I want a burger too.”

“Alright, after this then?”

“Yeah, alright.” He grabbed my hand a little tighter at that and I looked over to find him grinning like a loon. “After this.”

…

I startled awake to loud incessant knocking and immediately groaned into my pillow at the pitiful pounding it kickstarted in my head. I’d never felt so worn and sluggish, and a hellish fury rose within me at the startle, but seeing as the knock-ee couldn’t see through walls, I supposed they still had no idea that they were currently the cause of World War III.

Somewhere to the right of me, George seemed to wake also, grunting at the onslaught of noise and huffing loudly, “Fuck off!”

I winced at the jarring sound of his voice, and it appeared he did too, but was grateful when the banging finally stopped. Only it wasn’t for long because as soon as it did, it started up again and was joined by Matty’s head-splittings shouts.

“Open! This! Fucking! Door!”

He was relentless and somewhere, in the very depths of my mind, I found it odd how he wasn’t in his or someone else’s hotel room nursing a violent hangover of his own.

“Now! Open this door right fucking now!”

It stopped again for a moment, catching me enough by surprise that I dug myself out from under a plethora of sheets. Then let my eyes slip close again in annoyance when a second voice sounded alongside Matty’s own.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to either calm down or leave.” Came the muffled order, “We’ve had multiple complaints in the last five minutes alone.”

“Calm down? Calm down! Mate, I don’t think you have any right to ask that of me right now! I’m freaking the fuck out here. I’m beyond fucking pissed! YOU HEAR ME?” He seemed to shout louder then, obviously aiming that last bit at us. George huffed beside me but thankfully made to move. “FUCKING FUMING! I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE- FRIENDS, EVEN! DO THAT TO A-”

The tyrant roaring cut off then and I peered across the room to watch as George ripped the hotel door open and tugged Matty into the suite by his elbow, all whilst wearing nothing but a thin sheet. 

“Will you shut up, you mouthy twat?” He muttered, levelling Matty with a glare nothing short of hellish, though was only met with a childish scowl in turn, before he looked back at the bellhop, a well groomed man with sleek black hair and a thin lipped smile. I groaned internally. “Look sorry, mate. He’s had a rough night, we’ll make sure to keep the noise down from now on.”

“Rough night?” Matty snarled with an undisguised snort- whatever had him this riled up was sure to have been big. But George gave him another look of disdain, apparently not all that pleased to have been so rudely awoken and forced to deal with his bullshit, and he relented to a scowl. I kept myself hidden beneath the covers.

“It won’t happen again.” George quietly assured the hotel worker and sighed heavily once the man had given him a curt nod and the door had shut. “What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” He immediately asked, rounding on the curly haired idiot now stood in our room, before taking a deep breath and stalking his way back across the floor, dragging the sheet with him. I attempted to sit up.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you! I can’t fuckin’ believe you two!”

With a frown that was more of a pained grimace, I grabbed a random shirt from off the floor beside the bed and tugged it on- it was George’s, but thankfully it’d been the one he’d chucked off before we’d headed out last night.

Thinking back to last night though, I rubbed at my bleary eyes and tried to recollect the events that had happened after the fishbowls we’d devoured at a themed bar I could not for the life of me remember the name of. But they just wouldn’t come.

“What’s wrong, Matty?” I questioned, my voice all gravelly, and I faintly recalled then having screamed quite a bit- in all sorts of situations. My cheeks flushed at the vague memories that swam towards the forefront of my mind.

“What do you mean, what’s wrong? B, how fucking could you!” Matty quipped straight back, looking just as grim as I felt, his hair in disarray, still in last nights clothes, and stinking up a storm.

“Matt. I need you to slow down, my head’s fucked enough as it is and you’re not helping.” I told him, scrunching my face up as a sudden wave of nausea rocked through me. 

“Exactly.” George grunted out and I looked over to see him forcing up a pair of boxers, beyond the point of caring if he had an audience or not.

Matty glared between the pair of us, but then George sighed and sat himself back down on the bed, and Matty’s narrowed eyes seemed to soften. “You honestly have no clue what I’m on about, do you?”

I rubbed at my temples, “No idea.”

“Hm.” George muttered in a huffed agreement and swiped a hand across his face before he stilled in his entirety.

“What?” I said, confused by the way he’d gone so stock-still, “If you’re gonna chuck up there’s a bin right there.” I added just in case, gesturing halfheartedly over towards the cluttered desk not too far from the bed.

George didn’t seem to hear me though, instead just turned very carefully and very slowly in his seat to look over at me.

“What?” I asked him again, this time a little more frenzied, throwing my hands down onto the duvet that covered my lower half in a huff. My patience had already been worn thin, and he really wasn’t making things much better. 

George’s gaze seemed to follow my hands though, before his head instantly snapped back up in Matty’s direction like a rubber band that’d been cut. 

“Oh shit.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “Yeah, oh shit.”

“What? What’s goin- Oh, shit.”

My eyes caught on the glinting stone stationed on my left hand and my breath caught, all thoughts fleeing as my lungs refused to function any further than that. Oh shit indeed. 

“I- What does that even mean?” My gaze darted from Matty’s bewildered face to George’s shellshocked expression and then to the man’s matching hand. “Christ. What did we do?”

I was really freaking the fuck out now and wondered briefly if this was all just an alcohol induced dream, if I’d had one too many shots, or stumbled too hard and ended up face first in a fountain.

But then the door to our hotel room shot open and in swanned Ross looking like Camilla on Coronation day, as well as Adam who was scrolling frantically through his phone. 

Ross seemed to have hardly been affected by any of last night’s antics, still looking as lovely as ever, and was unwelcomely singing a familiar Billy Idol tune as the two of them wandered in further. “Hey little sister, what have you done? Hey little sister, who's the only one?”

I chucked the nearest thing I had to me at his giant head, which ended up being a small red box, but he merely caught it in midair and grinned. “It's a nice day to start again. It's a nice day for a-” He carried on with his wind-up, peering down at the box passingly before his eyebrows shot up to a scary degree. He whistled lowly, cutting himself completely off, then let his wide eyes glance over to George and I. “White wedding.”

Those last two words had the entire room falling silent. The hotel even, hell, maybe the entire fucking planet! I could barely hear anything above the beating of my own heart that had started banging like a metal drum in my ears.

Belatedly, I forced myself to try and gauge George’s reaction to this whole thing but my boyfriend- oh God, my fiancé now? Husband?!- appeared to already be staring right back at me. His expression gave nothing away except for the apparent shock swimming in his eyes. I wondered if I mirrored it exactly.

Matty, who’d been silent ever since the revelation had hit the two of us, now seemed to jump start and cautiously he made his way over to my side of the bed, precariously taking perch in front of me before he then took my hand- the one without the life-altering reminder, thankfully. Small mercies. 

“B? You okay?”

My mouth was dropped open in utter shock but slowly I turned my head to stare up at my best friend, the boy who’d been with me through everything. Everything but this it seemed. 

“Hey, love. You’re alright. Just a big shock to the system, yeah? You’re alright.”

His quiet reassurances didn’t do much, but they helped ebb the fizzing thoughts my mind didn’t have the capability to process a bit. I forced myself to inhale, to take a breath, but it must’ve seemed rather abrupt to Matty who hastily drew himself closer to place a hand on the back of my neck.

“Just breathe. I’ve got you. Breathe. You’re alright.”

I started nodding, I think. Attempted to absorb the information whilst I breathed in and out, breathing like Matty told me to. Another set of hands found me soon enough. Mindlessly I acknowledged the dip in the bed beside me, as well as the careful fingers that threaded themselves through my hair, and then the loving thumb which trailed sweetly down the length of my forearm.

“You feeling any better?” Someone asked a little while later, and I nodded slowly, forcing my head back up and my eyes open once I no longer felt like the room was caving in on me. 

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, love. Nothing to be sorry for.” The voice assured me, it was George, I realised.

“Feel like a twat. For reacting like that I mean. I didn’t, I mean, it’s not like I wouldn’t want to-” I could barely bring myself to say it, but George seemed to understand me nevertheless. 

We’d spoken about it before, of course. But not since we’d gotten back together and only ever when we’d been kids, way back before the band had taken off, before life had chewed us up and spat us back out. 

I’d never been gone on the idea, marriage was a big deal, scary in a sense. Seeing what it had done to my parents, to my mum after losing my dad, I never wanted to end up like that. Too terrified to be alone and too desperate to fill that void with anything and anyone. My skin itched even now at the very thought.

But I was also old enough to realise that whether George and I were… married or not, I’d still be just as destroyed if I lost him.

George had vaguely agreed with me back then, though I do remember one night, at Nana’s the summer after our first visit there, where he’d said something different. We’d been curled up on the guest bed, wine drunk and happy, he’d held me close, half naked with our arms and legs entangled, he’d whispered and I’d barely even heard him, slipping tiredly into sleep. But he’d said it and I’d remembered, even after all these years.

“If I ever did get married, it’d have to be to you. I mean, you’re an anomaly, Birdie. You’d make sure it worked out, that everything would be okay. Reckon then, it’d all be fine.”

I recalled myself smiling sleepily at his words but unable to truly believe them.

George loved me and I loved him. And that was all that mattered, right?

Nothing could change that. It hadn’t then, and it wouldn’t now. I knew that.

“Wait, how did you lot even find out?” I forced myself to ask the rest of the room, chest still aching from the panic I’d put my body through, thoughts starting to numb the headache of my hangover. I glanced between the rest of the boys, but my sights settled on Matty seeing as though he’d been the first one to barge in. “Well?” I prompted. 

Matty scratched at the back of his head and I watched his mouth quirk up into something that resembled a smile, only it was anxious and strained. Didn’t reach his cheeks, let alone his eyes.

“Twitter.” Hann answered for the three of them, already handing his phone over. 

George wrapped an arm around my hips and shuffled closer to view the screen, whilst I had the pleasure of scrolling aimlessly through a feed of fan reactions and news outlets. The panic that was still there came back in full force but I wouldn’t let it overwhelm me like I had before, instead opting to swallow it all down and continue on.

“How did they even find out?” George questioned with a strange pitch to his voice upon seeing multiple pictures of the two of us loving it up outside the chapel we’d obviously chosen, as well as us eating by a window at a nearby In-and-Out Burger it seemed. Fucking hell, was all I could think.

Ross tossed the box I’d thrown at him earlier towards George and we both glanced down at it. It hadn’t just been an ordinary box and I could see that now, what with the sleek embossed logo for a Las Vegas jewellers sat proudly on the top.

“Couple of people saw you inside the shop, called the paps. Things started to add up when they caught sight of you at that chapel, I ‘spose.” The bearded giant told us and I felt the lump in my throat start to grow. 

I’d been pictured with the band and George before, on tour mostly, but sometimes at events and such, but rarely ever papped in public. Not like this at least.

I let my head drop onto George’s shoulder and wielded my eyes tightly shut, I wanted to scream or cry, but I didn’t know whether it was in joy or utter fear.

Then I felt a soft pair of lips come to rest against my head and I moved slightly to wrap my arms around George’s middle, wincing when I realised I hadn’t even asked him how he was feeling.

“How are you taking all this? I didn’t even ask, I’m sorry.” I murmured into the curve of his arm, but he only seemed to press his face deeper into my hair.

“Look, we’d best give you some space, yeah?” I heard Adam start to say, voice echoing in the quiet room. “Let you get some clothes on and sort your heads out.”

“Yeah.” Matty breathed out in agreement and the bed shifted as he removed his weight from it, his hand squeezing my shoulder just the once.

“Maybe text us when you feel like talking, we can grab some food and bring it back up.” Ross suggested and I felt George nod above me, and together we sat there listening to footsteps pad their way out of the room. Leaving us alone again. 

—

So after that whole scandal, England’s very own Ross and Rachel eventually had to make their way back home. And yes, Ross and Rachel because let’s be honest here, if George and I were anyone amongst the Friends cast then we’d of course be those two. And I don’t know, Matty could probably play at being a good Phoebe, then Ross and Hann would end up as Joey and Chandler- work it out between yourselves on who’s who there. And I suppose that would leave the lovely Carly as our very own Monica. Only, this is all happening before season four, of course, and Carly is already back home waiting for her husband to touchdown. 

So maybe not. I don’t know! My mind was still in a right state after everything that had gone down in Vegas, and I’d hardly been able to process most of it due to tour and the festival, and the onslaught of fans and paps, as well as people back home. Denise had not been happy to find out the way she had, let’s just make that one thing known. 

And then there’d been George’s parents. 

Sighing quietly, I placed a hand over George’s own to still the nervous tapping that seemed constant nowadays and watched as he stilled for a moment, turning in his airplane seat to glance over at me. 

I allowed my body to mimic his movements, only pulling my leg up to press against the arm of the chair and resting my head to the side. I smiled softly at him, more than a little glad that we’d made the decision to take separate flights from the rest of the boys in attempt to throw off the media. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, letting him take my hand in his and not saying a word when he toyed with the silver band that had yet to leave my ring finger.

George shrugged a shoulder, gaze caught on the pretty stone. “I haven’t a clue what I’ll say, is all.”

I licked my lip in thought, still watching him closely. The plane back home probably wasn’t the best place to talk about this, but we’d hardly had a minute alone since Vegas, what with the tour and the guys and everybody else. And besides, if there were any privileges to take full use of when dating a musician you’d drunkenly married then it would most definitely be First Class seats. Everyone else around us was either dead to the world or wearing headphones. We were safe enough here.

“Did you answer yet? Or, are even you going to?”

He drew in a large enough breath before he answered me, but that seemed to be answer enough.

“I haven’t yet and I don’t know. I- They’ve called quite a bit, but mum left a voicemail the day after and later on dad sent a text.” He revealed and I tried to reign back my surprise, though it made sense now to how little he’d wanted his phone near him the past few days, even when he’d been casting it longing glances from across the length of the tour bus.

I swallowed. “Have you listened to it?”

He dipped his head in a nod but didn’t meet my eye, attention still so focused on the hand he held.

“Right… and have you read your dad’s message?” Another nod. This was so hard, I’d honest to God been dreading their reactions so I had no idea just how George was taking it all. I desperately wanted to just tug him in and never let him go again, hope that if he stayed wrapped up in a hug that the world would just leave him be. “Did,” I took a small breath to gather myself, “Did they react like you expected?” Badly, it could only mean badly.

I heard him let out a small and tired chuckle, “Mum did. Dad…”

Okay, so there was hope. There was still hope.

“I listened to the voicemail first, it was,” George inhaled sharply and I took note of the deep furrow between his brows, the way his touch softened on my hand, circling the ring. “It was a lot. I expected it though. The shame she felt I brought, getting married like that, looking the way we did, drunk and stupid. Her words, not mine. Said she wouldn’t be surprised if I was high out of my mind too, or if it was all just fake in an attempt to spurn her some more and get attention.”

Talk about being full of yourself. But I kept that thought to myself, I was angry yes, fuming even, but it was George’s call on how we handled this, because we would, together.

He sighed again, but finally looked back up at me. “She said a lot of other shit I can’t be arsed to think about anymore. But just know that I know that none of it’s true. Hurtful, yeah. Of course. But true?” He shook his head, “Nah.” He exhaled, “And I know we haven’t really,”

“Spoken about it?” I finished for him and he smiled, this tiny but fond thing that sent my heart stuttering.

“Yeah. But no matter what happens, this,” He tugged my palm up to his chest and held it between his hand and his heart, “This is the greatest thing I’ll ever accomplish.”

My eyes instantly prickled at that, just as my breath was knocked from deep within me. I had to fight to swallow and felt my hand clutch the cloth of his shirt.

“Me too.”

George grinned, a complete 180 to the tender smile he’d been wearing, but still so gut-wrenching. Only, in the very best way.

“Good.” He whispered to me, tens of thousands of feet up in the air, and lifted our joined hands to press a kiss to my skin. “Good.”

“So this is it? It’s sticking?” I asked him, hope already so high that I was sure it would shatter if he wasn’t there already holding his arms out towards me. 

He chuckled at my words and leant in close, fingers toying with my ring. “It’s sticking.”

My breath hitched and I found that I was grinning too, almost madly. Eyes trained on his whiskey brown, the very same I’d been staring into for well over a decade now. And still, they mesmerised me like no other.

“Good.” I whispered and finally closed the gap between us.

—

Life after getting hitched was, almost boring in a way? Things continued on as they always did, G in the studio and me at the flower shop. Our friends had gotten over the fact that we’d eloped on a whim- namely Matty, although he was still a little bitchy about it at times. And Denise had thrown us the loveliest party when we’d gotten back to the UK (not that anything could’ve stopped her, not even an apocalypse it would seem). 

The party had been a small affair with just the people we held nearest and dearest, and although it’d been to celebrate the two of us and our commitment to one another, it had also been a great excuse to see everyone we hadn’t seen in ages again, even if we did end up apologising to them every five minutes. George’s dad even ventured down to join in on the festivities, which was the biggest but best surprise yet. The two of them were now working hard on rekindling their relationship with the absence of his mother.

It was just the media that had yet to die down in truth, so we were forced to get used to seeing our ugly mugs plastered everywhere, online and on magazine shelves. Fans of the band were a little intrigued by the idea of George having someone permanent too, even if I had already been around for ages. But Matty had mentioned to me previously when I’d brought it up one evening, that only the older lot really knew of me, from gigs and old photos, hardly anyone knew that G and I had been together since we were kids, let alone having been in a relationship for a little over two years now. It was strange but I left it be.

It was summer again, finally, and everyone was currently taking up residence in Hann’s back garden. See, Carly had wanted to throw a bit of a get-together, have a barbecue now that the sun was back out and everyone was in London again, or at the very least England (cough, cough, Matty).

Hann had been unable to say no, typical for the two of them, and had started sending out invites via text as soon as. 

I was surprised I’d actually made it, in all honesty. Not that I’d had other plans or simply didn’t want to be there- there was no place on Earth I’d rather be than with this useless lot- but all week I’d been feeling like shit. But I’d been a bit under the weather for a short while now, on and off really, though I’d yet to go and see anyone about it. Ever since the crash and all that crap a couple years back, I’d really struggled with hospitals and doctors, hated the thought of them, even phoning up for G had me feeling queasy. 

This morning I’d felt beyond nauseous and more than a little crap when I’d woken up, but George had made breakfast after having popped out to the shops and had come back with a bouquet, as well as a hello from Delia, which had put me in much better spirits. So I’d gotten ready and forced myself into the car and had been quite thankful for doing so up until now.

We were all gathered out in the garden, the sun was shining bright, the grill was alight, drinks were being passed round, and me, I was absolutely fucking miserable. I was far too hot, even in my pretty sundress, feeling flustered beyond belief at the onslaught of emotions that kept on hitting me, and then to top it all off my stomach had been acting up since I’d sat down and caught a whiff of the onions on the grill.

I pressed a palm to the base of my neck as I struggled to keep my cool, breathing steadily whilst hardly paying attention to the chatter of the girls sat around me. It was the usual group of us, some of which I hadn’t seen for a good couple months, but I could not bring my body to simply just focus or stop irritating me in its entirety.

It was just as Matty swanned over, an arm flung round Waughy’s waist as the two of them talked, that I couldn’t stay sat there anymore. I was quick to flash the pair of them a welcoming grin but excused myself to make my way back inside.

“You okay?”

I glanced up at the voice, beyond grateful to have escaped the sun, and caught sight of Carly messing with some extra picky bits on the counter, salad and whatnot.

I forced another smile and nodded, “Yeah, just wanted to nip to the loo.”

Carly copied the sentiment, though gifted me a bottle of water that she had on hand before I could dash off, “Take that, you’re looking a little flushed, babe. Might help with the heat.”

My smile was more genuine this time around as I took her up on the offer, enjoying the crisp chill that lined the outside of the bottle. “Thanks. And yeah, reckon I’ll just sit in the shade for a bit.”

Carly went to say something else then but was thankfully pulled away by the toddler that came shuffling through the backdoor. I took the opportunity to hurry out of the kitchen and towards the downstairs bathroom, sliding in and shutting the door with a sigh.

I went straight on over to the sink and turned on the water just to wet my hands before taking up perch on the closed toilet lid, listening to the water trickle and flow, hoping it would calm me slightly. Then I took the chance to down half the bottle Carly had gifted me, a bit grim sure, but with the loo being my only escape I hardly had a choice here. The water was practically heaven sent and allowed me a second to take relief in the coolness the room had to offer, its chilly tiles and blinded window kept any and all sunbeams at bay.

But now that I had managed to evade the heat, I realised I’d been left with a rather prominent headache I hadn’t noticed earlier in my agitation. Knowing Hann though, he was always well prepared and probably kept a couple paracetamol in the bathroom cabinet.

I grinned when I got up and pulled open a door to find that I’d been right. I went to grab at the packet only to pause when I caught sight of something else sat on the shelf below it.

A box of pregnancy tests.

No, I thought. It wouldn’t make any sense. But it really seemed to hit me in that moment that maybe, just maybe everything I’d been feeling as of late could boil down to one single thing.

“No.” I repeated, this time out loud and accompanied by a disbelieving laugh. But still I found my hand reaching towards them.

I only reckoned that they were in there in the first place because Adam and Carly had given away the fact that they had wanted to start trying again a couple months prior. Around Easter time I think it had been.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, but they all seemed drawn to this singular idea, and although I already knew that it was stupid, almost incredibly so, to even think that I could be, well… I still allowed myself to grab at them and it was almost on autopilot that I pulled out a stick and shakily made my way back to the toilet.

I made quick work of it, all that water I’d been drinking seemed to help, and found myself leaning over the sink waiting for a stick to determine what I already knew would be false. It had to be. There was no other way.

But then. I guess there was.

My eyes widened and I reckoned I forgot how to breath let alone how to think when I caught sight of the exact opposite of what I’d been expecting. 

Oh and wasn’t that the worst word to use right then. Expecting.

A jolted knock at the door knocked me right back into reality and my wide eyes flew over towards it. I didn’t answer though, I didn’t have in me, but then the knock came again, followed by a, “B, you in there?”

Fuck, Matty. Of course it’d be Matty!

“Yeah?” I called back, voice as shaky as my legs seemed to be.

“You alright? Only, you looked a bit peaky out there, then Carls mentioned it too. Figured I’d come check.”

With trembling hands I pushed myself off of the sink and across the tiled bathroom floor, steeling myself before fiddling with the lock. “Fuck.” I muttered, shaking so severely now that I was surprised I was still standing.

“B?” Matty asked again, but I somehow managed to open the door a crack to find him stood on the other side, a pair of dark sunnies tucked into his effortless curls and his usual grin in place, although looking a tad bit wobbly. “You alright in there?”

I swallowed and before I could think better of it I said, “Get Ross.”

Matty’s expression crinkled in confusion and to be fair to him, it was a strange ask, I must’ve looked a right state, but I wasn’t asking for him or for George, I was asking after Ross.

“What? B, just let me in, will you. What’s goin’ on?”

I shook my head and held tightly onto the doorframe as though it was the only thing keeping me upright, it likely was. “I need Ross.”

The quizzical frown Matty wore only deepened but he backed up a bit, “Come on, stop being a prat. You’re acting weird, freaking me out a bit, in truth.” He chuckled faintly, obviously still conflicted, “Just let me in and we can talk, yeah?”

“Just fuck off, Matty! Call Ross, now.” I all but ordered and the surprise that fluttered through his features would’ve been surprising but I was too far gone to be paying attention to all of his many emotions when I could barely hold onto my own. “Please.”

His resolve seemed to crack at that and he looked at me for a long second before nodding swiftly, “Yeah, alright. Yeah, I’ll go get him.”

I swallowed down the choking sensation I suddenly felt crawling up my throat and nodded in reply, shutting the door before he even had the chance to run off.

“Fuck.” I hissed through my teeth, pressing my face against the bathroom door in an odd attempt to keep myself from sobbing outright.

Had I been too harsh? Matty had only wanted to help. I understood that. I did. But it was Matty, and as much as I fucking loved the daft idiot, this was not a scenario he was built for. Not at all. If I’d’ve let him in and he’d seen that test sat on the sink he’d have freaked out even worse than me. The whole house, no, the entire street would’ve known something was amiss the second he started having a mental breakdown. It was better this way.

And besides, I felt like I really needed my big brother for this one. This was real life shit, and as much as Ross and I bickered and fought, we had a relationship like no other. He was someone I’d always looked up to, someone who knew how to talk me down, to keep me grounded and centred. He had all the answers, and when he didn’t then he knew exactly what to say to sound as though he did. He’d know what to do, he’d sort it all out.

I jumped at the knock that came in that next moment, feeling the vibration buzz through my skull and only accentuating the headache I’d given myself, but still I moved towards the lock once more and was beyond grateful to just see Ross stood there, hunched a little to peek in through the gap at me with a smile.

“You called, your highness?” He remarked playfully and before I could even get the door open any further, the tears started flowing helplessly and I had to watch the way Ross entire expression went from playful to utter horror in a split second. “B, what happened?” He immediately asked, crowding against the door to shuffle in and I allowed him, watching him lock the door once more before I fell into his arms completely. 

“Shit. You’re alright, love. It’s okay.” He reassured me softly before carefully wrapping his arms around me, sheltering me from the rest of the world.

The two of us stayed like that for a while, I wasn’t sure how long in truth, enough to let the dull rock he’d started up calm me whilst listening to the faint murmuring of his voice. It was familiar and so very needed right then that I clung on tighter to the back of his shirt as I tried to muddle through my messy mind.

We pulled away soon after, though he still kept me at arms length whilst guiding us both over to the side of the small bath. Ross took a seat on its edge and I followed, thankful that he had the foresight to keep an arm wrapped around my shoulders to keep me close, otherwise I figured I might’ve slipped right into the tub.

“You wanna share with the class or am I gonna have to play a round of charades here?”

I chuckled wetly at his crap joke but it appeared to settle him a bit, being back on familiar ground.

I sniffed and smiled when a wad of tissue was shoved my way. “Ta. Sorry for um, all this. Just, I didn’t want to talk to anyone else.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, glad I could be some help.” Ross laughed, squeezing me a little tighter and assuring me that he meant it, “So, you gonna fill me in on what has you sobbing in Hann’s loo? There are burgers out there, mate, and hotdogs, fucking kebab skewers even! What’s there to moan about?”

I elbowed his side lightly, finding humour in his words just like he’d wanted. “I’m a fucking veggie, Ross.”

“Shit, yeah. Forgot about that detail.”

I rolled my eyes and then rubbed at my nose lightly, “Only known me since you were about ten, MacDonald.”

“And aren’t you grateful for it.” Ross quipped right back with a smirk, “Come on now, spill.”

I huffed and was forced to remember the terrifying detail I’d been trying to come to terms with, not that I really could. But before I could even utter a word I felt Ross go so utterly still beside me and instantly glanced back up to follow the direction of his gaze. He’d spotted it.

The world seemed to fall out from under me then, whether it was down to the realisation that he now knew too, or the fact that Ross had let go of me to grab at the stick on the sink, I didn’t know, but it was spinning and I only felt myself settle once more when Ross’s eyes finally locked on mine again.

“Ross?” I tried, attempting to gauge his reaction through a watery gaze.

He opened his mouth to speak but then quickly shut it again, glancing back down at the pregnancy test he held. Never had I ever in my life seen Ross speechless. But of course, I’d been the one to manage it.

“Ross, come on.” I gulped down a stutter, shifting on the edge of the bath as my entire body buzzed with nerves. “Say something. I need you to at least say something.”

He inhaled a large breath, big enough that it echoed off the tiles around us, before he finally looked back at me and said, “I’m not touching any of your piss right?”

I snorted in disbelief, because of course that’d be the first thing he’d say. “No, you twat, I put the lid back on.”

Ross sighed as though it was a huge relief- and I guess it was, I wouldn’t want to be touching his piss either- but I was relieved when he claimed his seat back beside me. “So, a baby huh?”

I blew out a breath and now that there was not much left to laugh about I felt a more sombre mood fall over us. “Maybe. Could be. I dunno.”

“Those are all the same answer, mate.”

Shooting him a look, Ross held up his hands and laughed lightly.

“I’m just saying, I mean, isn’t that how it works? You take a test and bish bash bosh, baby.”

With a snort I knocked into him lightly and rolled my eyes, “Sure, exactly like that.”

“You know what I mean.” He retorted, mimicking the movement before he glanced back down at the test he had yet to let go of. “Or you could take another? Just to be sure?”

I tongued at the inside of my cheek, thinking it over. I almost didn’t want to, one pregnancy test could be a fluke, but two? Even three? I’d have a fucking world class breakdown, move over Matty cause I’d definitely be taking the place as the groups most unhinged, or maybe I already was. Probably. We’d have to have a debate the next time I remembered. We liked those.

“Come on, Carls won’t mind and look,” Ross pushed, standing up and turning away from me, “I’ll even turn around so I don’t see.”

With a chuckle, I couldn’t bring myself to say no. Doing this once on my own had been hard enough, if I had to try again I don’t know what I’d do. “Alright.” I whispered and took another test from the box.

“You need me to hum or something?” Ross asked after a moment of shuffling from me. I turned the tap back on to try and cover up the sound, because I’d always been an awkward sort of pee-er. Was that even a word? But still struggled.

“Maybe. Or try the shower.”

“What like turning it on?” I could hear the frown in his voice.

“No, get in it, dickhead. Yes, I meant turn it on!”

“Fucking hell.” He muttered under his breath as he moved to do so, “Hope the baby doesn’t get your patience.”

I tossed the empty box at his back, “Don’t say that!”

The fucking prick laughed.

“Alright, alright! Go on. I can’t hear anything now.”

Thankfully, that big bottle Carly had given me as well as the one I’d been nursing in the car and then outside came into clutch then and I managed to go again.

I flushed and washed my hands, drying them off on the hand towel before telling Ross he could turn back around.

“How long do we wait then?” He questioned from over my shoulder, making me jump.

Stilling my racing heart, I let out a breath. “Two minutes or so.”

Ross hummed from behind me then moved to the side to wrap me up in his arms again, it was nice having someone there this time around, like finding shelter in a rainstorm. 

And so we waited. The seconds felt eternal and the minutes passed excruciatingly slow, but eventually, eventually, we had to look.

I bit my lip. “I can’t do it.”

“Why not?”

“Why the fuck not, he asks! I’m fucking terrified, Ross. I can’t be a mum! I hardly even a person, let alone an actual adult!” I stressed, breathing heavier now that even I noticed it, but Ross only pulled me closer and looked down at me.

“You’re incredible. You hear me? You’ve looked after us lot for years, so I know you’ll fucking ace this shit without even having to try. You’re brilliant, B. Everyone who’s ever met you can tell you as much. If you’re pregnant, then you’ll deal with it like you do everything. But you won’t be doing it alone. You’ve got us. You’ve got a family. And most of all, you’ve got G. He’d do anything for you. A baby will only solidify that. Do you really think he’d leave you high and dry?” He must’ve seen the look that crossed my face when he said that because he blinked, “You do, don’t you?”

“It’s not- I’m-” I stuttered, unable to really defend myself against that statement because a small part of me was scared of exactly that. “I love him, Ross. I do. I just-”

“You’re scared it’ll be like before.” He finished for me and all I could do was nod and he squeezed me a little tighter, “Well, I know that he won’t. Wouldn’t fucking survive it, the idiot. Last time was a fluke. And as much as he hurt you, you know it was his fault for not dealing with his shit, not yours. Never yours. Yeah?”

I nodded again against his chest.

“G won’t leave though, that I can promise you. But, and this is a BIG but, if he did, you’d have me, and you’d have Matty, and Hann and Carly. Denise and Delia and everyone else. You wouldn’t be alone. Never, ever will you be alone, B.”

My eyes were stinging again, “But what if I’m not good enough either? What if I leave? What if I’m exactly like her?”

Her.

And immediately Ross knew just who I was talking about.

“You’re nothing like your mum, love. No where near. Of that I can fucking assure you. You love with everything you’ve got. Like a light house in a stormy sea, you. Lure just about everyone in with your warmth and charm.” He pressed his chin to the top of my head, rocking us again. “What I would give to let you see yourself through my eyes. I swear. And that baby, or any future baby you have, will be the luckiest kid around to be able to call you their mum. Alright?”

Fucking Ross MacDonald. 

“Do you enjoy making me cry?” I asked him through a wet chuckle, squinting up at him now with tear stained cheeks. I gave a sigh when he reached up to wipe them away.

“Only happy tears, yeah? Fucking seeing you cry because of anything else makes me feel like I’ve just been hit by a bus.”

Scoffing out a laugh I couldn’t help, I shook my head at him. “Love you. I know we don’t say that much but I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

He grinned down at me, “Probably sob in the bath, or maybe make an escape out through the window?”

“Maybe.” I smiled.

“You ready yet?”

I chewed on my lip for a hesitant moment then dipped my head, Ross released me and instead took my hand. We both seemed to simultaneously take a deep breath, glancing at one another and then the sink.

“Together?”

“Together.”

He reached for it and I had to keep myself from squeezing my eyes tightly shut, stomach tightening with the butterflies that crowded my insides.

We looked down at the same time before glancing back towards each other.

Ross broke the silence, “Dibs on being godfather.”

— GEORGE’S POV—

September brought the cold. It was more prominent this year though it seemed, barely out of August and already he was in a hat and coat. Still, he’d left knowing he’d be out for quite a while and didn’t want to catch something from freezing his arse off, especially with Birdie being in and out of hospital. She was more susceptible to infection at the minute, since having had her spleen removed after the accident it had been something she’d often struggled with. They’d had a meningitis scare not too long back, big enough to warrant a couple weeks off work but not life threatening. To her at least, George on the other hand had had his balls pulled out through his arse, or that’s what it’d felt like being so constantly on edge. Everything turned out okay in the end though, more than even. Because it was then that he’d learnt about the tiny Baby Daniel she’d been housing.

And what a fucking thought that was. A baby. An entire other person. Both his and hers to keep. Though he only hoped that they got more of her than him.

It had been quite the revelation, watching on as a swarm of nurses wheeled his wife off on a gurney after having just told him the baby was doing fine. Even now it had a way of rendering him utterly speechless.

It was all he’d been able to think about ever since. Will the baby like the colour blue? Will they be a boy, or a girl? Will they have his eyes or hers, her smile or his? He prayed to whatever God that was out there that they only got her nose. Birdie thought his suited him, but he’d keep on wishing any way.

There’d also been the questions that shone a bright sodding stage-light on all of his insecurities. Illuminated them like the Blackpool Tower for every fucker else to see. Matty’d been the first to clock on though, or the first to come and speak to him about it, it’d done him a world of wonder to get it off his chest and have that reassurance, but even now it continued to make him nervous, had him wondering whether or not he’d ever be good enough, if he deserved to have something so precious of his own. But then he’d always struggled with that, hadn’t he, and he was still learning. Adapting, in a sense. These things took time.

He continued to think about it though, about everything which surrounded the baby, as he wandered through a field of dew covered grass, being respectful enough of the aging stone graves that dotted the cemetery as he went. The one he was looking for was further in the back, settled in a plot next to a few others with the same surname.

George took the time to think and settle his nervous thoughts as he made his way on over, revising the map on his phone every few minutes. It was a rather large cemetery, with oversized oak trees and moss that clung to ancient tombs and mausoleums, so it took him a while to finally find it but when he did the nerves he’d been feeling and the anxiety he’d expected failed to hinder him. In fact, he hardly felt anything at all and moved towards the three graves without much thought.

They each bared the same headstone, only difference was that one was much newer than the remaining two. They all had their own inscriptions but it had been a little while since he’d last visited and so he took the time to allow his eyes to wander over the cursive.

‘No Man Is Indispensable But Some Are Irreplaceable.’

‘Too well loved to ever be forgotten, here lies a loving Father, a Husband and a Son.'

And finally, 

‘A woman made of strength and love lies here, today she dances with angels.’

“Heya, Nana.” George greeted in a low murmur, eyes already a little wet as he drew closer to the end plot, “It’s been a while but I’ve brought you your favourites, peonies from Birdie’s shop, blue just like your eyes. She wrapped them up real nice too, but when does she ever not?” George gave a light chuckle at that, placing down the backpack he held and moving around the grave to clear it of any fallen debris, replacing the old flowers with the new.

He rubbed at his nose and stuffed his hands into his coat pockets before taking a seat by her headstone, gaze lingering on the words Birdie had chosen alongside Dee all those years ago now. Dancing with angels, he grinned at the very thought, and dealing with the Devil, he added. Nana had always been one to try her luck, just as wonderfully wild as her granddaughter, and George reckoned she’d probably bested the hellish bastard by now, overthrown him and all.

“Lot’s changed, you know.” He told the woman, “Dee’s met some fella, handsome bloke mind, but they’ve taken her taxi and decided to travel across Europe in it. In Germany now, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they phoned us up tomorrow claiming to be in Egypt. But you know her, she’s a free spirit. Should be back by February though, that’s just before the baby’s due. Yeah, not hers though- could you imagine?” 

George couldn’t help the cackle that escaped him at that and was immensely grateful for the fact that no-one else seemed to be wandering around anywhere close. “Sorry, sorry, but yeah. No it’s Birdie. She’s nearing fourteen weeks now. Can you picture it? Us two with a little one. My dad can’t wait, neither can the lads. Reckon you’d be dancing about too if you were still here, telling everyone to quit their fussing then make B a brew just how she likes.”

He let a quiet settle, smiling softly as the morning breeze flittered past.

“I know she misses you. Kills her to not have you here to see it all. But,” He took a moment, “I understand why, never met anyone quite like you, doubt I ever will. You took me in without a care for the consequences. Let me stay with you each summer, listened to me moan on about the band and music, came to our first few London gigs.” He cracked a smile at the reminder, “Can still picture those shirts you and Dee made, reckon B has them stashed away somewhere. Have to ask. But as much as I’d love to stay and chat all day, I promised myself I’d say hi to Charlie over there and stop by to talk to her Dad for a bit.”

George was careful as he stood back up, laying a hand over Nana’s name before wiping off the damp grass which clung to his jeans and stepping away. 

He only had to walk a few short steps before he was grinning at the grave sat beside Nana’s, he made quick work of pulling out a bottle of Scotch from his bag as well as a shot glass, then placed them both down on the cold marble. Just as he did each time they visited, he poured the man a hearty glass and spoke to him about his favourite football team. “Hiya, Charlie. West Ham’s fourth on the league table at the minute, mate. Doing alright this year, but Cities still in first so, guess they’ll have to try just a bit harder.”

With a light laugh, George patted the man’s headstone before finally wandering over to the next, to where Birdie’s father lay, the man she idolised most.

He took a deep breath feeling a little fearful suddenly, but not of the situation, rather of disappointing the man. Of this whole thing going tits up. But this was something he’d wanted. Felt he needed to do. So he let go of the air inside his lungs and, just as he did by Nana, he took a seat by the man’s grave. 

“We’ve never spoken much, you and I.” He begun, voice quieter now than it had just been, “But I know B visits when she can. I brought you a bird actually, little statue thing with these stones embedded in its eyes, B reckons they’ll bring peace, but I think you’ve already found that now. Still, it reminds me of her, a Song Thrush, they’re pretty and sing like a poet.”

Leaning in closer, George took time placing the statue where he thought it would last the longest and smiled softly before going back to his bag to pull out a colourful wind spinner, he stuck in the damp soil near his leg before he spoke again. 

“Dee also likes to talk about you, says you had a thing for wind chimes and these things. Can see the appeal, they’re nice to watch, let you know which way the wind’ll blow. Said you also would’ve liked me too, and I can only hope she’s right.” He laughed quietly to himself, thumbing the ring on his left hand. “Be a bit messy if you didn’t though, ‘cause I love her more than anything. Do anything she asks, go anywhere she pleases. She’s like my own little wind spinner in a sense, can never tell which way I’m going with her but I know we’ll never stop spinning.

“I know I should’ve made this trip a long while ago. Maybe after we got back, maybe even before that. I have no excuse except for the fact that I’ve been a bit scared to ask this of you, because I know I’ll never really hear your honest answer. I can only pray that you’d be happy for her.”

It had been something he’s wanted to do since he was a teenager, ever since that first trip down to London, but after all these years of having clung to the man’s lighter he felt like he sort of knew him in a way. Knew that the dent in its side was from the way he used to knock his hip off of the radiator back in Nana’s house when climbing the stairs. Saw the way the striker wheel had been changed a long while back, different to the original but very very close. And how the hinge had been struck a few times to keep the lid from going floppy. He cared a great deal for the things he owned and it showed how much he loved the gifts he’d been given, seeing as though he had gotten it from his own father before Birdie had ever been born.

It was a strange concept, but it brought George a little peace.

“I don’t know if you heard, I know that Nana tends to gossip, but you’ll be a grandfather soon.” George told him with a wide smile as he pulled to his wallet to look down at the first Ultrasound picture they’d been given. “They’re a lot bigger now. This was when I first found out though. That daughter of yours had known for a week or two by that point. But I was over the moon and also terrified, so I can see how she kept it under wraps for so long. We’ve got a few names going in the raffle, our friends all want to have the honour of naming them, but B and I are waiting for the perfect one.”

George let his thumb brush over the picture before he sat it up and open on the grave, leaving it there until he had to go.

“I’ve known Birdie for so long now, she doesn’t know it but since the day I laid eyes on her she’s all I’ve ever wanted. And I would’ve taken anything she’d have given me. Whether that’d been a passing look or a chance at just being her mate. So when were younger and finally together, I thought I’d won the lottery. And I had. But then we got to speaking about marriage. What we wanted in the future, if kids would ever come into the picture, what house we’d buy. Just things you speak about with someone like that. Yeah, we’d been young but we’d both been through a lot. We knew more than most. Had experienced it.

“But anyway, when she’d said she never wanted any of that. Couldn’t see it for herself, and I understood. Broke my fucking heart a bit, but I’d’ve given her the stars if I could’ve. Even now. So it’s funny how it all changed. We’re married and there’s that baby on the way. Though, now that we’ve done it, now that we’ve acknowledged the fact that this thing we were both a little wary of is something we can have without the fear and terror, I want to do it properly, you know? So I thought it was only respectful to come and ask you first.”

And there was that nervousness finally, but it was out in the open now. Perhaps it was silly asking a man long since buried this question but it just felt right. 

“I don’t think we’ll have big ceremony or anything even if she does say yes, we’re not the type. But at least then we can say we did it right, and as much as I now love that little elopement of ours, I really want her to know how much I love her. That I will forever be hers. In both heart and mind. And that I’m proud to bare this ring.” 

George swallowed thickly at the onslaught of emotions this trip had pulled from him, then wiped under his nose. He picked up his wallet and folded it away then took his stand, running a hand through his hair as he tried to get ahold of himself, didn’t want to start sobbing his way back to the carpark now. Though it was a near thing. 

“Right, I’d best be off anyway. Said I’d pick B up some strawberries from the market, she’ll only eat them at the minute, pairs them with this horrid jam as well. It’s proper grim but I’d never say a bad thing about it. Spent ages consoling her the one time Matty did. But he’s a nightmare that never learns.” He scratched at the nape of his neck after having shouldered his bag, feeling the effects of this outing already. “I’ll make sure to visit soon, with Birdie and then the baby too hopefully.”

He glanced down at the wind spinner then and was surprised to see it had stopped spinning, he frowned slightly at the sight and double checked to see if he could still feel the breeze, he did, it was hard not to in truth. So slowly he made his way back over and just as he begun to crouch down the thing started spinning once more.

George blinked down at it, once then twice, and then simply laughed. Hoping that maybe it’d been some sort of sign.

“I’ll look after her.” He promised, sparing one last glance to the final grave before he made his way back to the car.

—

The moving van reached the house long before I did, but I was just thankful that George had been able to take the time off to get there earlier than me. I parked up in a bay and waddled down the pavement to peer into the back of it, smiling when I found that almost half of it had already been moved inside. Which was good for me, seeing as though I’d hardly be of any help, pregnant or not.

“B!” I heard someone shout out and turned to find Matty stood on the top step of the familiar terraced house, he waved me closer but jogged down the steps to greet me once I’d made it over, “Figured you get here a little later, G and I are just setting up the living room.” 

“Really?” I questioned in surprise, grateful when he took my arm to help me up the stairs and into the house. I grinned at the familiar feeling that washed over me upon walking in.

“Really.” Matty laughed, taking my coat and hanging it amongst the rest by the door. The little gentleman. If I’d only known that it’d just take me turning into a whale to get Matty to wait on me hand and foot I’d’ve done it sooner. Not even G was as bad as him. “Your Nana had good taste though, so I can see why you and George don’t wanna change much.”

I grinned, glad that he saw it too. We’d been gifted the house in Bethnal Green by Dee after the reading of Nana’s will, she wanted us to have a proper home for the little one and figured it would be the best place for us. And my God was it. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more. It filled me with so much happiness to know that my child would be growing up in the environment I loved most when I’d been little.

“Where is he, anyway?” I asked, leaning against the bannister to peer up the main stairs and at the landing, we’d had some builders in to change a few things since the house had been signed over and I hadn’t yet seen it all fully finished. 

“Who, G?” Matty said and at my nod he went on, “Left him in the living room, we were trying to put together a cabinet, probably still in there.”

We both chuckled and wandered in through the side door to find George sat on the living room floor just behind the sofa looking very close to fuming. “Fuck sake, Matty! When you said a minute, I thought you were joking! Whole fucking thing collapsed on me the second you left, you prick!”

“Oi, no swearing around the baby, please.” Matty scolded, though he looked all too pleased with himself, and I watched on as George angled his head further backwards to see me stood in the doorway. I waved. 

“Birdie! Thank fuck someone capable has arrived. Be a love and help me up, would you?”

I laughed and moved to do just that before Matty’s indignant squark stopped me in my tracks, “I don’t think so, mate. Get yourself up. I’ll take B into the kitchen, get you some tea, yeah? Were you at the shop long?”

I bit my lip to keep from cackling at the expression that overwhelmed G’s face then but was already being dragged away.

“I can still do shit you know.” I said to Matty before being steered onto a barstool, I let him get away with it though, observing how effortlessly he worked his way around the kitchen, switching on the kettle and pulling out the milk from the massive fridge George had insisted on buying. 

“Language.” Matty reminded me and I could only roll my eyes, “And I know, you just shouldn’t have to.”

“That so?” I hummed around a smile.

Matty nodded, pulling the few glasses we’d brought over for visits during construction onto the counter, “Look, the way I see it, the baby’s not here yet so if you want, I don’t mind offing G and telling everyone the kid’s mine. I mean, you saw him in there,” He shook his head all serious like, “It ain’t on, B. Got to cut your loses while you still can.”

“Sorry, what was that?” I sorted at George’s sudden arrival, wondering how this would all go down and decided to stir the pot a bit.

“Matty reckons I’d be better off making a run for it while I still can, already got a car ready and waiting for when I say the word.”

George shook his head in veiled amusement and stepped further into the kitchen to swipe a tea towel against Matty’s backside. “Keep talking like that and I’ll see to it that you never meet my baby, you dick.”

“Swearing!” Matty once again reminded the pair of us and I couldn’t help my incessant giggling now, eyes darting back and forth between the pair, “And I dare you to try, George Daniel. I have rights!”

“What rights!”

“Godfatherly rights!”

“Fuck off, Ross claimed that already.”

“Swearing! And I don’t care you can have more than one godfather!”

“No, we’ve discussed this already.”

“No we have not.”

“Yes, we have.”

“No, we have not.”

“Matty.”

“George!”

George groaned dramatically and decidedly tossed the tea towel he still had in hand at Matty’s head, the curly haired singer grunted before throwing it right back at him, then turning to me.

“B, tell him.” He was all but whining now. 

“George, Matty can be whatever he likes.”

Matty practically beamed upon hearing that whilst G just scowled, “Over my dead body.”

“That’s fine. I can make do.”

George rolled his eyes at the blatant threat, but threw himself into the chair beside me to press his forehead against the counter instead of replying. I ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, babe. He’ll give up once he realises it’ll mostly just be shitty nappies and crying until they’re old enough to walk.” I reassured but Matty didn’t think much of it.

“I fucking won’t.”

George shot straight back up at that with a grin as big as Matty’s ego on his face and I already knew what he was going to say.

“Language, Matthew! And in front of your godchild too, shame.”

Although Matty looked shocked to have let the curse accident slip, his whole demeanour changed when he truly internalised George’s words. “Wait, actually?”

George laughed, glancing at me before slinging an arm around my waist, “We decided on it a while ago, mate. Baby Daniel will have the typical four godparents, only thing is you, Hann and Ross will have to decide between yourselves on who’s the second godmother.”

I rolled my eyes at that, but still found myself unable to stop grinning. The baby was set to have three godfathers at this point and then Carly, who we’d already asked, as a godmother. It was a lucky little thing and had yet to even be born.

“I don’t even care. I’ll throw on a pair of tits and a wig if it gets me an in.”

George barked a loud laugh at his best mate’s reply and I could only chuckle alongside him as Matty handed me over my tea, grateful to have them both, as well as the rest of my family. It wasn’t long now either before the baby would soon come along too, another thing I’d forever be grateful for.

And to think, I barely resembled the girl I’d once been, it was strange to see all that I’d been given.

I wouldn’t waste it.

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 7 Ch 1-3

Sooooo, the first half of this volume might have destroyed me. I spent a lot of time staring into space between panels because the horrors were getting to me. Prepare for lots and lots of yelling. Here goes.

Ch 1

With a story like Trimax, I get incredibly nervous when an entire volume is named Happy Days. I know I am being lied to. 

The way the crew comes out of their pods really reads like people clawing their way out of coffins. Very ominous. 

Wow, this guy is rude. Rem hasn’t talked to anyone but Plant children in a whole year and the first thing that happens when the crew wakes up is that one of them harrasses her. Ugh. He could’ve stayed asleep for another three years if that’s how he was gonna be. 

Argh, there are way too many people in this chapter and I can’t tell who’s talking when the whole crew is together. 

I don’t know what to make of it, but Rem’s eyes are completely white when she lies to the crew. I know someone pointed out that Wolfwood’s eyes are white when he’s in an incredibly emotional state so I wonder if this is something similar?

Knives just messing around with the thrusters because he was curious. So not only do Independent plants grow quickly, they’re apparently incredibly smart. But also still kids because he absolutely messed something up.

Ah, young Conrad meeting the twins for the first time. I like that Tristamp made him a more important character because of what happened to Tesla. 

Knives is so concerned with what humans think of him! Having him be so drastically different as a child really makes you wonder what happened to make him hate humanity as much as he does. 

Oh no, baby Knives is crying! He just wants to be loved and accepted. Both of them love Rem so much too. Oh my god, I just wanna cry. This chapter is the sweetest, nicest one we’ve had in a while.

Pages that make me wanna sob because of dramatic irony. Little Knives is so hopeful…he’s so full of love and understanding and naivety. I don’t wanna watch it break.

Ohhhh. Now that I know what’s going on, this part makes a lot more sense to me. Knives and Vash think they see one of the people in cryo chambers awake, and they follow her. I think this is actually a telepathic Plant thing. Tesla is still alive, so she’s projecting herself into their minds and leading them to her. 

She shows up right after Knives’s revelation about working through their differences with humanity. I wonder how much she hears and is aware of, because it seems significant that she shows up then, like a vengeful ghost that wants to show him how wrong he is.

God, I hate reading the report notes. They’re so chilling and dehumanizing. They keep calling her a “subject” but what we see is a little girl. And she looks so small and scared. Man, I really shouldn’t be reading this late at night. I’ll be up all night thinking about this.

“Trouble over a question of ethics.” Well, that’s a fucking understatement! Question of goddamn ethics, you scanned her so often you gave her cancer! Because you were treating a living thing—no, a child—like an inanimate object that could take as much abuse as you threw at it. 

110 days is just over 3 months. I’m raging. How many times did they use radioactive scanning equipment on this little girl to give her tumors??? I had to get one CT scan done and they were extremely reluctant to do it because I was young and they weren’t sure it would show what was wrong with me. 

My brain is only capable of producing screaming noises right now. These last pages are brutal and gory and…yeah, really messed up. 

All the notes have to say is “Project is closed.” PROJECT??? PROJECT????? That was a little girl you experimented on so much that you basically killed her! I’m gonna throw my laptop out the window. 

I’ve come back a little calmer and actually, I can’t tell if she’s alive or not. In Tristamp, it seems like she was put into cryo sleep to preserve her while she was technically alive. But here, I can’t tell. Thing is, she wouldn’t be able to do her Plant telepathy otherwise. Hmmm.

Ch 2

Oh no no no no, little Vash’s dead eyed face is too much for me right now. He’s had his doubts about humans, sure, but this is too much for him to handle. This is the revelation of humanity’s evil that he’s far, far too young to be able to handle. 

Oh God, and he’s alone in there with Tesla’s dissected body because Knives fainted. He can’t look away, he’s never been able to look away, and all he can see now is how different he is from humanity. Right now, he doesn’t see any way they can reconcile their differences. 

This page, where Vash looks like he’s floating curled into a ball while tormented by those staring eyes, is a nice juxtaposition to a similar panel in the last volume. There, he was peacefully floating in zero-g and feeling safe. Here, is the exact opposite. Here, it’s the loss of his innocence. 

Vash is so angry. Rightfully so! What was done to Tesla was horrible and what proof does he have that the same won’t be done to him? Rem has been lying to him his whole life. He’s found out just how cruel the world is. It’s so easy to forget (and honestly not always easy to see) with adult Vash, but at heart, he is driven by anger. And I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, because in his case, his kindness comes from that deep-seated anger. Remind me to write a longer post about that later. 

Still, it’s so interesting to see that anger and realize it’s always been in him, from the very beginning. 

But this is also the start of something worse—Vash’s suicidal ideation comes from here. He doesn’t see a point in living if the world would treat beings like him with such cruelty, forever leaving him marked as other and inhuman. He doesn’t want to live in a world of only humans. How does he become the man who will do anything in his power to defend humanity when all he has right now is fear and hatred? 

Vash refusing to eat because he just doesn’t see the point and doesn’t want to live—I see where Tristamp got Vash’s feelings about deserving to eat from. 

Oh my God??? OH MY GOD???? Vash was gonna stab himself. Like yes, I’ve read this before, and yes, I know he’s actively suicidal here, but just—this is the first time we’re seeing it exposed like this, the very depths of his despair. The past few pages, the way he’s been drawn, with his cheeks hollowed and his eyes without expression or emotion, it’s A Lot and I’m not okay. 

And Rem just fucking grabs the blade to stop him. She’s willing to hurt herself to keep him from dying. He learned all of this from her, every part of his ideology, and it wasn’t in abstraction. He saw it and, not only that, it was what Rem did to save him. He really becomes her continuation. 

Vash has this moment where he becomes very unhinged and actually sounds a bit like future Knives when he hurts Rem by pulling the blade away from her. He learns how powerful violence is, the relief and catharsis it can bring. But immediately after he has these thoughts, he sees how he hurt Rem and that snaps him back to himself, to the little boy he is who just loves his mother. 

He has her blood on his hands and that’s too much for him to take. She might be one of the humans that hurt Tesla, but he still loves her and it scares him to see her like that.  

He patches her up and gets something to eat….my heart is breaking. He’s just a little baby, why does this have to happen to him?

The blank ticket story is going to make me cry. There’s so much hope in it, especially when you consider the situation Rem had that dream in. She was depressed as hell, she’d lost someone she loved and probably didn’t see a point in going forward either. And it’s a reminder that there’s more to the world than evil and darkness. There’s kindness and goodness too and that’s what Vash needed to hear. 

I also think he needed to see Rem’s tears and remorse to remind him that he knows her. She might have made a mistake with Tesla but she never did anything to them. She’s trying to make up for it, with everything in her being she’s trying. 

Also, “If you hadn’t stopped me then, I never would have known that when you cry, Rem, you look like you’re laughing.” WOW, Vash you really picked up all your best and worst qualities from your mom, huh? You learn to do the same thing.

Knives wakes up with a dead-eyed look and then says he doesn’t remember anything. Yeahhhh, no, I don’t think so.

Ch 3

The chapter titles in this volume are going to be the death of me. I don’t know if I can handle reading something called “King of Loneliness” after that last chapter. Send help, I’m doing it anyway.  

“She hung her head low.” What happened weighs on Rem so much and you just know she ended up taking care of Knives and Vash as some kind of penance. I don’t think she expected to love them as much as she did by the end. But she also never intended on telling them any of this and just forging ahead with them into the new world, disappearing without ever having to face up to what she did.

I can’t blame her though. Is there a good way to tell a child a truth like that? But it would have been better if she’d told them all of this rather than Vash and Knives finding out on their own. Much like it would’ve been better if Vash was honest about who he was and what his mission was with Meryl, Milly, and Wolfwood from earlier on. Hiding things from the people you love rarely ends well. 

“There’s so much we have to do to make sure it never happens again.” Now that’s what I call foreshadowing and dramatic irony. We all know what Knives means by that. 

But Vash knows something’s wrong with Knives. And we see it too. This is the first time in these chapters his face is obscured in shadows, just like it was when we were first introduced to this younger version of him volumes ago. This is the first moment where Vash feels like he doesn’t know his brother. 

Knives is losing it. He’s painting himself in his own blood as he no doubt plans the Big Fall. His descent into fear and darkness here is masterfully done and so unsettling. 

The juxtaposition of these pages too, with his fearful face covered in blood and tears and the triumph as he watches the ships fall from the sky. This was an act of evil, yes, but it was driven by fear and helplessness. 

Knives claims all his decision making as rational, but these last few pages have shown that to be untrue. Certainly, there was logic behind it, but most of it was driven by emotion. 

Ohhhhh, I finally understand this bit! Knives merges with the Plant! He asks her for help and shows what he’s feeling, his anger at humanity and, ultimately, his plans. Last volume, he realized he doesn’t have the power to achieve his goals alone and this is how he plans to fix that. 

At the beginning of this chapter, I thought the King of Loneliness was going to be Vash, but really, it’s Knives. He pushed everyone away and destroyed the colony fleet. He pushes away the Gung Ho Guns and merges with the Plants to achieve his goals. Ultimately, he is still a scared lonely boy who never processed the terrible things he witnessed and learned. His trust was broken so completely, he never recovered.

[dtorrieee]

★Not so careless ★

˚✧Kaveh x reader༉‧₊

↪sypnosis: You had a big fight with Kaveh. You guys haven't talked for weeks since then. You decided to talk things out with him. Which.. ended up bad?

↪note: I apologize if there's any mistakes. Just a reminder, this is just for fun. Enjoy <3

(also in here, you're also his roommate other than Alhaitham)

༉:Angst, some curse words, comforting, etc.

It was a long tiring day and your classes just ended. Your mood was already sour when you stepped into the dorm, and not even expecting Kaveh to be home yet.

However, there he was.

Kaveh was in the living room, pencils and sketches scattered on the table. You two had a (petty) fight and been ignoring each other for weeks now. It really wasn’t anyone’s fault other than both of your pride. Maybe it’s time to break the ice between you two— or maybe not.

You sighed and walked to the kitchen. You made a cup of coffee and put it on his table and spoke

"Dont stay up all night, you'll get sick and tired"

You turned back and was about to leave

It had been weeks since you both even exchange a simple word. He was almost in disbelief when he heard your voice, his eyes widen as he turned around and saw you right in his face.

“And what are you? My mom?”

Kaveh asks, raising his eyebrow as he stares at you, the tone had an edge, an insult to his ego.

You rolled your eyes.

"If i was your mom I'd abort you and kill myself"

It took moments for the words to register into Kaveh's mind. It was a lot to take in and his jaw almost dropped into the floor. And then the anger starts to kick in.

You’ve just crossed his limits, and he immediately lost his cool. Instead of backing down, he threw any sense of logic in the trash out the window—

He threw the cup of boiling hot coffee into your face.

Your eyes widened as the coffee landed on your face. It burned your face. Your eyes started to tear up. You didn't look at him in the eye and ran to your room, slamming the door.

He's breathing heavy, his whole body’s shaking. The fight just happened in a split second and he can’t believe what he has just done. He was about to follow you into your room when your door slammed in his face. He got back to the living room and sat down on his chair, still shaking from the coffee and the fight—

'I really just messed up.'

He thought.

the next day, Kaveh saw you with your school bag on your shoulder. You were about to leave the dorm, when he saw half of your face are red because of the burning from yesterday.

He was horrified. How could he been so stupid to throw the coffee like that? It just came out of nowhere,

He ran up to you,

“Wait!”

and he immediately grabbed a wet cloth,

“Here,”

He told you as he wiped your burned face off. His hands were still shaky and his voice almost cracked.

You took the cloth and threw it on the ground and glared at him

"I tried being nice. But instead of a thank you, you kept pushing me away. I tried everything since these past days and you're still so stubborn. And now, i hope you're happy because.. I'm not considering you as someone i know other than a psychotic stranger who lives with me."

“A p-psychotic stranger?"

He asked as his eyes widened.

“I am not some stranger! We have lived for almost two years together now! Who do you think I am? Your enemy?”

He yelled at your face.

"well are you my friend then? Absolutely not. So i guess enemy it is."

You yelled back.

He have never been this angry in his entire life before. Kaveh was usually the one who was hot-headed but now,

He grabbed your shoulders, his fists clenched,

“I am not your enemy,”

He yell at your face,

“I’m not some stranger who moved in with you a week ago, either.”

He took a deep breath and let go of your shoulders. Kaveh was the one who I needed to be calm here, and he has just made a fool of himself.

“I’m sorry.”

He said with a cracked voice.

You scoffed.

"What're you gonna do this time? Throw a knife at my back?"

"Shut up."

He screamed, his entire face is red.

“What do you want me to do? To get on my knees and beg for forgiveness? Is that it?!”

You glared at him.

"i want you to fucking leave me alone. Isn't burning my face enough for you already?!"

“Don’t make me look like the bad guy in all of this!”

He yelled at you.

“I threw the coffee at you because you called me your mother and said you’d abort me and kill yourself. How the hell do you expect me to not be mad?”

He yelled at your face as he pointed his index finger into your face.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you think before you speak or keep your opinions to yourself!”

You rolled your eyes and said:

"am i wrong tho?"

This was his breaking point.

With all the anger and rage in him, his hand swinged so close to your face, almost slapping you, but he immediately froze.

You looked up at him and spoke

"Why'd you stop? Go ahead, slap me. You're scared? Yeah that's what i thought."

You turned back and opened the door, leaving him there standing alone.

He sighed and left to grab his bag.

hours had passed.

When Kaveh got back to the dorm, it was already night. He went to the kitchen and he couldnsee you cooking alone.

He looked away and went into his room without saying a word, and closed the door behind him.

Some time later, when Kaveh was working in his room, there was a light knock. He can hear a soft voice from outside saying..

"I left some food for you on the dining table. Don't forget to eat, I don't want you getting sick."

After that, the voice disappeared.

Kaveh was deep in thought until he heard a sound of knocking on the door. Is he dreaming? he thought to himself. Is this reality? Is y/n really here?

He slowly stood up from his bed, and hesitantly opened the door.

“y/n?”

You scoffed and turned back, completely not in the mood to see his face at the moment.

You were about to leave but he grabbed your arm tightly.

"look. I'm sorry, i-"

Before he could finish, you snatched your arm back and rolled your eyes

"yeah, apologize all you want, i know it won't stop us from arguing everyday."

Your response hurts him.

“Why are you so mean to me?”

He asked you.

"I was really trying my best. But you were never satisfied."

“Can you really not see that it was wrong for you to say all those nasty things to me? Do you really think you can insult and attack me, and I’ll forgive you?”

...

"You were never going to forgive me for anything I do or say..."

He looked away, feeling hopeless and defeated.

You glared at him.

"And do you really think after burning my face with boiling coffe, I'll forgive you?"

He was losing his patience. And all of his guilt turned into anger.

“The coffee was all because of you, your nasty comments and what you’ve said.”

He yell as he grabbed your shoulder again and squeezed it tightly.

You pushed him away and screamed

"then.. just. Shut up and leave me alone goddamit!"

“You know what? Good riddance, you ungrateful brat,”

He was so worked up that his hand formed into a fist, and it landed on your shoulder again. He doesn't care if he hurt you, you deserve it.

“Leave and never come back!”

He yelled.

"its not like I'd care if you go missing!"

He turned back and slammed the door on your face.

'leave and never comeback..'

You thought.

'I see.'

The next day, Kaveh woke up. The dorm felt so empty. He walked around and realised your things wasn't anywhere. He checked your room and it was all empty.

He searched for Alhaitham to ask if he knew anything about you leaving, but he just ignored him. Which, didn't help at all.

He looked around everywhere, yet still not found any clue on where you are. Weeks passed, and he was starting to lose hope.

Until one day..

He was walking back from the market when it started to rain hard. So he decided to take a shelter. As he was sitting under a shelter, he suddenly saw a familiar figure. His eyes widened when he realised it was you, running from the rain, trying to find a shelter. Without realising him, you got into the same shelter as him and sat next to him. You panted from exhaustion and spoke

"e-excuse me. Is it alright if i-"

Before you could finish, you realised the person sitting next to you is Kaveh. Your eyes widened in shock. You stood up and cleared your throat.

"I'm sorry, I'll leave."

You stepped away, but then suddenly felt a hand grabbing you. You looked back and Kaveh said:

"stay.."

You sighed and went back to sit beside him. There was a long silence between you both. There's no sound other than the raindrops around. Finally, Kaveh spoke

"Where'd you go..? You made me worried. It's been weeks, please come back. I.."

He whispered quietly to himself yet you could still hear the sentence.

"i miss you.."

You looked away and answered

"why're you asking me to go back? Aren't you the one who told me to leave? Didn't you say that you couldn't care less if i go missing?"

Kaveh stayed quiet. He held your arms, you could see there was a little bit of tears in his eyes, but you couldn't really tell.

"y/n.. i really wished i didn't said that. And i didn't think you'd take it to heart and actually leave. I do care. I really do care about you, a lot. Please.. come back"

Looking at his pleading and beautiful eyes, oh how could you resist..?

You sighed. Then you smiled at him

"alright. I'll come back"

His eyes lit up in excitement and smiled wide

"really?! You will?! Oh thank God!"

Before you could let out a giggle, he immediately hugged you without thinking twice. You blushed hard, and he immediately let go when he realised what he just did. He cleared his throat.

"e-ehm. I-im sorry, i was too excited."

You giggled and booped his nose

"don't worry, i enjoy feeling your warmt."

You both smiled and talked more while waiting for the rain to stop.

The end.

Woah finally! Took me some time writing this. I hope you enjoyed! And again, sorry if there's any mistakes.(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)

[banjomelodies]

Spoilers (since I recently rewatched Scaras videos and saw comments about the Nameless Child) (+unintentional Ei rant)

I remember seeing a lot of people question Scaramouches whole thing about holding a grudge on a dying child, but, honestly, as an immortal being that was still learning for the most part at the time, I think it makes sense. He mentions in his character stories that he wasn't aware a human could deteriorate and pass on in a single night. To him, he believed he had so much more time. They had made promises, he cared for that child, showed him the home that once imprisoned him. And if you really think about it.. he didn't really witness death like this until now. He never saw Niwas body, and I don't know if he ever actually saw the bodies of the various workers in Tatarasuna when they finally passed away, as he also mentions that he didn't expect to be flooded with a negative emotion upon witnessing death (though granted, his relationship with the Nameless Child would obviously be drastically different than the random acquaintances of Tatarasuna, so there's just a chance that he really didn't get hit by heavy emotions).

All that he was aware of was that he was alone again. Ei abandoned him, and he only knew that Niwa supposedly ran away and left him alone, and then the child he treated as family left him too. Grief forms in so many different ways, and anger at things around you, or the person who is deceased, can be a common part of it. There's anger at being abandoned, anger about how life suddenly changed.. so many different factors go into it. And instead of being able to handle that anger in better ways, he found himself burning down a building, and attempting to off himself in the flames, and when he lived and tried to keep going with a newfound fear and hatred towards humans who only ever broke his expectations, or had the potential of only hurting him more, he landed in a group that took advantage of and fed that anger.

Scaramouche never had the chance to properly grieve or figure out how to handle emotions that were still new to him at the time. Him having a grudge on Niwa, Ei, and The Nameless Child makes sense, as it's all he knew. There was never anyone there who actually tried to properly help him. In his brain, he was abandoned again, and again, and again, and it eventually just spiraled into a hatred for other people.

I know a lot of people don't usually go for the "I'm going to try to analyze the characters emotions!" route when watching videos about things like this, since, obviously, why would you. But, there are legitimate reasons as to why Scaramouche would be mad at someone for dying, and it's a sucky situation all the way through. But the best thing is, he probably finally got over the anger he had on Niwa and The Nameless Child upon becoming The Wanderer (I don't care what anyone says he doesn't owe Ei any forgiveness - Her situation was straight-up just child abandonment. Which, yeah, sure, she was doing it because she didn't want to control him, and wanted him to live his own life without her interference, but you couldn't just like.. leave him a note explaining that? Check on him once in a while? Hell, even drop him off in civilization that'd love and care for him? You imprisoned him for who knows how long in a domain that probably just felt mind-numbing as everything was always the same until he was finally broken free from it. You say you didn't want to interfere with his life, but then threw him into a situation where his life would've sucked and been non-existent as he could only just stare at walls and trees. Unless she was just gunning on humans to break him out to give him an actual meaningful life, considering he didn't have his strength at the time. But this isn't a Raiden Ei being a shitty mom rant post, so uh!!)

Ignoring my Ei rant for a second. I hope this was. A decent read. Despite how short it is. I always loved analyzing Scaramouche as a character, so making posts about his backstory is very fun.

[ethos-logos-pathos-blog]

That is such a good point that I didn't consider; thank you @sevilemar ! The fluidness with which Snake and Bird Secondaries can utilize their masks/personas/tools is only limited by what their Primary views as acceptable conduct, meanwhile Lion and Badger Secondaries do have limitations inherent in their nature.

Lions do not like personal inauthenticity, and Badgers do not like inauthenticity in their work. This definitely changes how they might interpret the ends vs the means.

A Lion Secondary only really accepts face-changing in the form of raising or lowering their intensity, and outright lying is something they naturally shy away from (and/or directly reject). But it isn't really a moral issue for them (although it's entirely possible they do have personal qualms about lying, but that would be a primary thing); it's about how uncomfortable it is. To a Lion Secondary inauthenticity is unnatural. It's not their safe state; it's not their preferred state. It doesn't fit them, and I've been told it can also be quite stressful.

For a Badger Secondary, cutting corners and inauthenticity in their work is also uncomfortable and unnatural. They don't like it - not because it's morally wrong (although, depending on the situation, they may also have moral qualms about cutting corners), but because it isn't the way they are most comfortable doing things. Cutting corners and doing work that isn't authentic to their skills and time spent working doesn't make them feel accomplished or like they gamed the system. It makes them feel bad.

On the other hand, while the means of Snakes and Birds are only technically limited by what their Primary dictates as right and wrong, they definitely do have preferred means. As a Snake, if you told me that I had to sit down and write out a speech to accomplish a goal, I would groan. "Let me just jot down some bullet points and do the rest on the spot, please!" I would plead, because I'm terrible at giving rehearsed speeches, and I'm at my best when I can improvise things on the spot. Many people are horrified when I tell them that, but I genuinely love public speaking as long as I don't have to recite something. Recitation makes me feel off-kilter and anxious; I usually overanalyze everything I'm saying as I'm saying it and begin to feel disconnected from the moment. Improvisation, however, makes me feel comfortable and stable in the moment. If "the ends" are my ideal goal, but "the means" are utilizing the skills of a secondary that is not my own, then the ends very well might not justify the means, depending on the situation. Similarly, if you asked a Bird Secondary to deal with a situation they have absolutely no tools for nor prior experience with, then they're probably also going to have trouble justifying the ends with their unsatisfactory means.

I think the common theme here is that for all secondaries "the ends" are less likely to justify "the means" if the means do not aline with their preferred secondary. A Snake Secondary would not like having to do things the Badger way, just like a Lion would not like having to do things the Bird way.

Instead of using "the ends justifying the means" as an anology, which is a little too morality coded for a discussion on Secondaries, perhaps thinking about things in terms of a cost-benefit analysis would help?

Does the "cost" of this goal force me to work outside the natural scope of my Secondary? Is the "benefit" worth that?

If the "cost" of a goal is face-changing, a Snake Secondary would probably say, "Yes, that works for me." While a Lion Secondary might say, "No, the benefit of this goal isn't enough to justify the cost of having to face-change."

I would love to hear some more perspectives on this. Especially if any Badger, Lion, or Bird Secondaries would like to comment, since I only have my personal Snake Secondary experience and what I've read about the other Secondaries to cite.

Is "the ends justify the means" a circumventing secondary saying?

It can be... depending on the person. I hesitate to agree fully because this is usually a saying that involves ethics and that ventures into Primary territory. I've had plenty of conversations with Bird and Snake Secondaries who have strong negative feelings about lying, manipulating, or other skills, so they do put limits on their means.

I think a better (or at least more neutral) motto for Circumventing Secondaries is "Work smarter, not harder."

[ankmankpank]

Tae Young x reader🤍

Tw: throwing up

I already have a post related to this, in a nutshell, you’re Robaire’s 15 year old little sister! Long story short, he wasn’t home a lot bc band n work, while that you got absolutely ruined and traumatized, n your parents decided it would be better if you spent the summer with him. You got a small crush on Tae(who’s 17 here) and he got a RAGING crush on you :D

(Won’t be related to anything in this but I hc reader/you/Y/N/YOUKNOWWHATIMEAN as chubbier, but anything u like)

-you were sitting on the bathroom floor.

-next to the toilet, mentally begging to finally throw up

-but you couldn’t.

-fuck.

-you were with the band at their beach house

-were, until your friends decided to throw a party nearby!

-did Robaire allow you to go?

-no.

-did you go?

-yes!

-are you sitting next to the toilet at 3:30am, really about to throw up but you can’t and you’re about to cry?

-yes!

-well Y/N you sucked this dick

-at least nobody’s awake, so they can’t scold you

-in the morning you’d just say that it’s good that they didn’t let you go because you got totally sick!

-ugh

-this was your first time throwing up with your piercing!(if you got it on the mouth, bc yes you have one)

-throwing up my ass, you tried to shove your finger down your throat and everything to make yourself finally throw up

-but nothing

-so you’ll just hope that you won’t fall asleep here

-not like you can, you feel horrible

-so hugging your legs to your chest and resting your forehead on your knees may be the maximum you can do until it comes from itself

-…

-you’ll never drink again

-this is horrible

-“Are you okay?”

-HEART ATTACK

-but it’s just Tae

-hi Tae

-girl if you saw the face you looked up at him with😭

-he smiled at you

-with such a dorky smile

-“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. What’s up? Can I come in?”

-FUCK him and how nice he is

-“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

-he sat down in front of you on the bathroom carpet, with.. yoghurt in hand?

-“You went to the party, right?”

-…

-“Yeah.”

-how can he put such a big spoon in his mouth?

-“Were you hungry?”

-you seriously cared, why would he eat yoghurt right now?

-“Ymeah, I’m usually asleep at this time but I didn’t have the time to eat anything before going to sleep, so I woke up. Always do when I don’t have dinner.”

-he shrugged, crossing his legs as he sat

-and shoving yoghurt into his face

-being adorably talkative

-“And when did you leave?”

-as he asked his, he spread his legs around and laid on his back

-“Around midnight. I had a friend down the road to pick me up..”

-you said, taking a deep breath

-those painful ones

-looking at him with an expression what… definitely describes that you want to throw up at this point to be over it, but can’t.

-his heart broke

-“You’re gonna survive it.”

-he looked up at you, eating the yoghurt as he laid on the cold tiles

-plus the little carpet under him, but not much more

-…

-“I like your pjs.”

-Tae giggled at this

-blushed too, but he laid his head back on the floor before you could see it

-you made him giggle!

-are you… better than everyone?

-“Thanks. It matches with T., but he doesn’t like wearing shirts to sleep, so you can’t really tell. He has them in whole pants, though.”

-it made sense

-it was a purple shirt with some pattern and a pair of black shorts

-it looked cute on him

-cute is another thing though

-what he finds you right now

-you were obviously drunk, but at least he could spend time with you

-and you looked painfully funny

-if you’d pay attention to it, you would notice that you’re blushing too

-but sadly you didn’t

-too busy with being about to throw up

-you hated this

-…

-if throw up..

-you felt worse

-way worse..

-…

-“I’m gonna throw up.”

-“Woah.”

-poor yoghurt..

-because Tae immediately threw it on the ground

-and rushed over to you to hold your hair

-and pat your back

-…

-Tae didn’t like the sounds of you throwing up neither, but being there for you was much more important now

-he didn’t expect the first interaction what he would have with you and it’s not a small talk would be this

-but he didn’t complain

-he liked your company

-even when you were in agony

-and he actually felt great that he could be there with you

-poor you though..

-“Feeling better?”

-he brushed the hair out of your face when you finally raised your head from the toilet

-then he reached to flush the toilet

-“Yeah.”

-you couldn’t help but smirk a little

-“Thanks.”

-you were so beautiful.

-fuck you were so beautiful

-he just got one of these adrenaline rushes when you want to scream

-“You’re very welcome.”

-…

-“My parents told me that when I was a baby and they gave me to Robaire for him to burp me, I threw up all over his back..”

-“Let me get you some water.”

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

-“Good morning. Quick question, do you have any idea why is the bathroom carpet white?”

-it was Jesse who came into your room in the morning

-seemingly confused when he saw Tae with you

-“Ooh, yeah.”

-Tae raised his head from the set of cards he had in hand, which he tried to hide from you even while you two were literally laying next to each other.

-“Sorry, Y/N got sick at midnight and I ate yoghurt with her. All fine now though.”

-that was.. kind of too believable to deny.

-good.

-“I’m fine.”

-“You’re cleaning up then.”

-“Sir yes sir!”

-Tae saluted as he said this

-“HA I saw your cards!”

-“NOOO”

[scarlet--wiccan]

Perhaps you’ve seen the solicit for avengers 21. The whole AvX angle feels like it’s probably exaggerated (since it’s not an event or anything, knock on wood) and it does seem like objectively a good line up for a drama between the teams, however temporary it is

The mention of Magneto and Wanda “finally confronting their history” seems a bit… odd. I feel like they do that a lot. Is there anything along those lines you’d like to see there? However unlikely. I’ve always been kind of curious about Astra’s time with the brotherhood and if they dynamics were different for Wanda when there was another woman present (considering how much Wanda’s gender informed her treatment by toad, mags, mastermind, and Pietro (to a lesser extent))

I'm not at all surprised that there's going to be a crossover between X-Men and Avengers, since they're both written by the same author, and Ororo being on the Avengers team already creates a bit of overlap. I agree that whatever conflict occurs between them will probably be short-lived. We've seen this before.

I am truly, genuinely, sick to death of talking about Magneto's relationship with Wanda and Pietro. I don't think I've seen, or participated in, a single fandom conversation about it that didn't feel like beating the dry, sun-bleached remains of a horse that died years and years ago. I don't give a fuck. The Magnus family is one of those subjects where everyone feels like they need to have their own take, and at this point it seems like authors bring it up because they just can't help giving their two cents. I really hope that's not what's happening here.

I have no real qualms with the current status quo-- they're being written as people who've treated each other as family for years, regardless of their blood ties or who raised who, and they've been going back and forth between allyship and opposition with varying levels of toxicity for most of the twins' lives. That is not functionally any different from how it was before the retcon, at least in terms of relationship dynamics. And while the writing and pacing in their most recent storylines (Trial, SW&Q) has been kind of a mess, I thought that the character's motives and actions made sense.

So there's nothing, in my mind, that needs to be revised or confronted, and honestly, at this point, I think that messing around with the past will only do more harm than good. The only thing I want right now is a better resolution to the finale of SW&Q, or maybe for Wanda and Max to own up to the fact that they totally threw Toad under the bus in Trial. For Wanda's sake, I do not want them to bring up the Decimation any more. I think their connection to each other could be used to spark interesting dialogues about whatever Magneto and/or the X-Men's next big political move is, but that's not the same as "confronting their history."

I can't recall if Astra's time with the Brotherhood overlaps significantly with Wanda's-- even in modern comics, you never see them together in flashbacks. But the bonus page from X-Men #1 teased that she might be making a comeback soon-- having Wanda and Max on-page together and making them talk about the Brotherhood would be a great way to reveal some new info about Astra's past, or at least tease her return. That is a great example of how to take advantage of their history to actually advance the plot and introduce new ideas. Bravo for making that connection-- it's smarter than what most writers have done.

[ferdieinceladoncity]

WILD BLUE YONDER SPOILERS/THOUGHTS

Doing this again :3

.Now this was a Doctor Who episode. It was amazing, it was hilarious, it was thrilling, and I am so glad that this episode was kept so tightly under wraps and wasn't part of the leaks- though how would this episode even be explained written down anyway?

.I don't really know why Isaac newton was there? To make the mavity joke and the snippet about the doctors sexuality? both very valid and great moments, but unless some important plot point fell out of my head it was a bit random, but I'm not complaining I suppose

.my mum was CONVINCED that it wasn't coffee that donna was drinking, with the way they were acting at the start of the episode. lmao.

.This set is giving crazy high budget. The entire episode was very visually impressive. The scene of the entire outside of the ship spinning in space (and the weird contorted circle shape of it) makes you blink twice

.I liked the bit that confirmed the doctors attraction to men, its funny that he seemed surprised about it. "is that who I am now?" who you are NOW? Anyway, I really hope it's explicitly talked about in future episodes that the doctor is bisexual, omnisexual or however it happens to be. I would like the attraction to ALL genders (or lack thereof) to be made explicit.

.My heart actually dropping out of tension hasn't been something I've felt in a doctor who episode in a LONG time, but that scene where we cut to the Doctor messing with the tubes in the blue room after we just see Donna and the Doctor in the orange one actually gave me that perfect sinking feeling. It was such a great "somethings not right" moment. Like, oh shit- that's not HIM-

."My arms are too long" and both of them just brushing that off coming from the other initially is very funny. and very real. Some shit I wouldn't blink if my friends said around me. yeah I dont know it's like that

.THEY WENT HAM ON THE VISUAL EFFECTS AND I CAN'T LOVE IT ENOUGH. IT'S UNCANNY, IT'S GOOFY AND IT'S UNSETTLING- I could NOT stop laughing, but it was also horrific! That scene of them chasing them down the hallway was straight up nightmare fuel. how did rtd even decide that was. that was something he wanted to do. he was right but like. crazy.

.The scene where donna and the doctor confront each other and the viewer knows one of each set isn't "right' but we don't know which is which (and I was wrong with my initial guess, which is probably the point) that was great. ""Donna""" telling the doctor that the flux wasn't his fault and him responding "I KNOW" was really just something to me. I cant remember much about the flux storyline, but sometimes things that aren't your fault still hurt so much.

.On the other side of the coin, it was an amazing moment when the """doctor""" realises the tie he threw off is gone, and he says "oh. things that are gone still exist." it's a very chilling line... cooking in the writing room

.Oh. and the spider-walking bit. Top tier. it makes me think of all the people watching doctor who recently just for David Tennant because he's having a Tumblr/twitter dilf sexyman resurgence. Watch your man do this (contorts into a crab walk, runs on all fours) :3 thats how we do things in doctor who. nah im joking he's my celeb crush too

.I also really liked the scene with the line of salt. Had to suspend my disbelief for a second: it's not like he salted across the whole room, walk around it maybe? but it was just a great scene, and the """donna"" dropping to her knees and counting the salt was pretty funny.

.Is this villain and the one in Midnight connected? Gotta be, though I feel as if it might never be explained. The mimicry is too similar of a premise and it makes a lot of sense that they'd reference it given that Midnight is generally considered to be one of the 10th Doctors best episodes.

.Do y'all remember when someone edited the IMDB page to say that Billie Piper was in this episode because whoever did that was quite funny. This episode was leagues better than any returning character call-back episode they could have done (and I say that with so much love for her) but I am one of the many people who want A SINGULAR TENTOO MENTION and the clown music is getting louder and im wondering if I should just go grab my rainbow wig and red nose now

.What kind of animal was the captain? A horse? I guess? I want to see what this alien looked like when it was alive. It made me intrigued and I think it was quite a powerful/scary visual that it wasn't a human skull. There was something more unsettling about an animalistic skull- YES of course it would be an alien yeah duh but do you understand? do you find the visual creepy as well?

.Im sorry but the part where the "doctor" just starts GALLOPING on all fours made me lose it. Me at 11 years old on the school playground pretending to be a wolf. What warrior cat do you think the tenth doctor kins (I dont know, but I do know that 12 kins Jayfeather. That's really obvious.)

.Could he not have thought of ANY better question to ask to determine between the two donnas? And why would "it just is" be the answer he went for? The scene where Donna faces death is powerful: breaking a little of her trust for him: he chose the wrong one. it was good stuff. But hey doctor, please explain your thought process behind that whole scene on this blackboard, because I cant get my head around it.

.My mother wants a ramp that spews people out of the door installed in our house for guests.

.I feel like donna was lying when she said she doesn't remember the doctors 15 years past. Or, idk, well. I wrote that but she did say it was like looking into a furnace, so maybe it's true. Donna asking if the doctor will be alright and the doctor saying "I will be" was great but "when?" "in a million years" was a bit much, but im being pedantic.

.Curious about the salt thing... there's much in the specials that's either being set up for the giggle or the next season, and both are intriguing. FWIW, I think when the Meep was referring to the boss the meep was probably referring to the toymaker, (watch me eat my words next week) but the salt thing- would that really be connected to the toymaker?

.wilf.wilfwilfwilf. Apparently, this is the only time before Bernards death that he features in the specials. This hurts the most, but it hurts SO GOOD that he got to be here one last time. and, fictionally, the doctor got to see Wilf one last time. That's so incredible. I'm tearing up. And I stayed with my eyes glued to the credits scene knowing there would be a dedication to him in the end, and I teared up all over again. Bernard Cribbins acting as Wilf is one of those characters that's going to be remembered forever.

.Incredible. So much fun. This was just... FUN. my whole family really enjoyed this one a lot more than the Star Beast (me and mum loved the star beast, my dad didnt, but he loved this one.)

[amaranthsynthesis]

1 and 30 for Durge ask meme ~ LordGoretash

love the signature on the anonymous asks I always get a kick out of this

(questions from here)

What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

Ballard's first 'urge', the foster family slaughter we get the flashback of, is from when he was six or seven years old. He was literally just a baby, and he was kind of a difficult kid--he didn't learn to speak for a long time (he knew, he just did not want to, so no one figured out he could for ages) and he did not, as few children do, have a lot of coping mechanisms to his name. He threw a lot of tantrums, and one of them ended up with a body count of like a dozen, since no one was really anticipating the whole 'murderous child of Bhaal' thing to be an issue for another few years at least. A lot of noncombatants, but not entirely servants or slaves--a few actual ranking house members and soldiers were among the dead as well.

The matron mother had her thoughts about how Ballard's training was going to go, but the plans were adjusted and escalated rapidly. Since the issue, as far as she could determine, was one of self-control, Ballard needed training in a class that was focused on discipline. Self-regulation and meditation would help make sure he (and everyone around him) survived long enough to enact Bhaal's world-ending plans. So she had a monk brought in, an older tiefling woman from the surface they had some trade with, and she organized Ballard's training. She could not remain in the underdark permanently, and her weeks teaching Ballard were punctuated by months away where she left him 'homework' and forms to study in her absence, but the training itself as well as the solitude suited Ballard well and he grew into it easily. He struggled still with his temper, and was only trained with his fists and a staff for a decade or so, but it made his life immensely less stressful.

His teacher was a monk of the Open Hand, but she pegged him for the Way of Shadows basically immediately. Between his home environment and his quiet, watchful nature, it made a great deal of sense--though the tiefling wasn't made aware that her pupil was Bhaalspawn, and that the skills of an assassin would prove invaluable.

30. What are your Dark Urge’s intentions/goals after the end of the game?

This is a great question because I, Finn, do not know. My PC struggles with Act 3 and I am a bit overwhelmed by all of the content, so I've not finished a playthrough or made firm decisions about the end of Ballard's personal storyline! So disclaimer, all of the below is speculation and therefor subject to change.

Ballard wants to help solve his friends problems. From his perspective, this involves most of them seizing the power that was used to hurt them in the past so that it cannot be used to do so again. He's supportive of Gale using the crown, and Astarion using the ritual, and though Shadowheart did not end up killing the Nightsong he SUPER thinks they should just kill everyone in the House of Grief so they can't come after he later. He's currently in contention with Wyll about rescuing his father from the Iron Throne, with Karlach about allying with Gortash again, and with Lae'zel because he can't decide if he mistrusts the Emperor or Orpheus more and will not commit to raiding Raphael's. Shit's not going like.... great.

Ballard is torn in a hundred directions and doesn't know how the absolute crisis is going to turn out. He can't decide what he wants, if he is trying to redeem or better himself, if he should return to the purpose he was created for or reject his father entirely, if his new friends or old allies outweigh one another. If asked what he intends to do after, I don't think he'd have an answer. If asked what he hopes might come after... Ballard would still not have an answer, probably, but he hopes very dearly that he will not be alone in the end.

[fanficfish]

a couple of persona 4 headcanons

Just a list of my Persona 4/affiliated media headcanons (I really hope this doesn’t get buried lmfao…also before you ask no I don’t normally post persona I kinda got hooked through the Honkai SR fandom. What can I say, Yu’s very relatable about not wanting to upset and needing to protect the cute kid calling you “big bro”)

I have no idea what’s going on with the whole “Teddie lives with Yosuke” thing because I have literally searched up everything (don’t ask about my youtube watch history please) and here’s my take on it: Yosuke basically came home with a Teddie in tow, presented him as a guy with nowhere to go who was willing to work for his keep, stuffed him in his closet because the “spare bedroom” is his dad’s home office or something, and at some point the Hanamuras just accepted they have two sons now because how can you not like sweet, innocent, naive-but helpful Teddie? Also Yosuke played Teddie’s disappearance off as him being at Yu’s or something. I have no idea how that man pulled this off but it worked. (yes I”m a sucker for hanabros)

I still can’t decide which i prefer: Yu x Yosuke or Yu x Rise (I do like the idea that RIse grabbed Yu, flung him over her shoulder, and marched off into the sunset, though like…have you seen the Persona 4 partner dances???)

I’m actually kinda surprised Yu just goes back to wherever he came from for his third year, like just stay in Inaba for your last year of highschool? You already stayed a whole year. And he canonically has parents who are away a lot on business. But to make sense of this, I propose: He goes back only because the school he’s going to gives him a leg up into the uni he wants to go to (which is understandable. Inaba is a tiny rural town in the middle of nowhere, he’ll probably get some better connections in a city school or something). He definitely comes back on every holidays possible, and messages his friends so often that his new friends at his other school are just like “bro….please at least wear the right uniform….”

RIse’s idol group starts flinging around wild theories on what she did during her year-long break. It ranges from everything from hooking up with three different guys (they spied on her while she was doing a video call with the others (FaceTime apparently existed in 2012, which I kinda forgot about. I think the flip phones kinda just threw me off.)

Yukiko and Chie definitely get together. Have you seen those two? They’re definitely roommates, at the last.

At some point someone asks about Teddie’s bear costume, and Yosuke covers up by saying Kanji made some alterations to it. Kanji does not approve, and Yosuke is seen later running through Inaba with an angry Kanji on his heels.

Also that new outfit Teddie wears in the epilogue of Golden? That’s just Yosuke’s old stuff - Teddie still wears the first human clothes he ever got for fancy occasions, but between Yosuke and Chie they manage to talk him into regular stuff. 

And they definitely have a running joke where they introduce Teddie as an exchange student from France (with that bright blond hair and Ouran Host Club-esque style choices, it was bound to happen) whenever they meet someone new. Yosuke knows Teddie will play along anyways, but buys him sweet treats as a bribe anyways. They usually drop the act pretty quite, but it’s really funny for the Hanabros. Especially if Teddie is crossdressing, because that man totally kept his Alice outfit. 

Kanji, unfortunately for Yosuke, uses Teddie as a model whenever he decides to get creative. Yosuke is considering getting a second closet because Teddie shares most of Yosuke’s old stuff. Like clothes (Yosuke is the only one who has stuff in Teddie’s size, and Teddie’s growing a bit anyways), In the winter, Teddie regularly shows up to places wearing Yosuke’s sweaters and jackets, and Yosuke is just thankful that Kanji makes Teddie stuff like that in Yosuke’s size so both of them can wear it. 

TImeskip: Nanako moves to the city with Yu for highschool, so she can attend a more liberal-arts focussed school. Yu doesn’t mind (he’s like, 26 at this point, and probably works some kind of office job (he likes a bit of quiet in his life, after the chaos called his teenage years and having famous idol Rise Kujikawa as a mate) (and also he gets free Nanako time) and Dojima, finally taking more breaks from work, sometimes drops in to say hi and maybe buy dinner.

Yu also gets to shovel talk Nanko’s first boyfriend. Nanko has to spend half an hour reassuring him that Yu is actually in fact a really nice guy….and then turns around to see Yosuke and Rise waiting for their turn to shoveltalk. And while Yu is scary, having your girlfriend’s older brother’s brofriend and Risette staring you down was not a good follow up. Nanako is rightfully mortified, Yu does in fact bake apology cookies, and Yosuke and Risette manage to drag the couple into an impromptu dance session to ease the tension just a little after nearly scaring the poor kid half to death. (The poor kid is someone in the Phantom Theives, because I saw a really cool AU on AO3 and it lives rent-free in my head. And I like the idea of Nanako becoming a Phantom Thief because “it runs in the family, thanks a lot Yu >:l “

Naoto ends up taking Aketchi under her wing. Does she mind? I mean, to her he’s not entirely horrible. Is she pleased with his actions? …that’s debatable

Inaba becomes known for having great weather. Except for the one time Marie catches a bug going around the town, that ends up behind a horrible mid-January snowstorm. .

Those are the ones I have right now. I’m still working my way through everything (HSR is taking over my brain, I love the Astral Express crew dynamic-)

(also I'm really disappointed we didn't get human Teddie dancing with the others. I need that boost of serotine of watching Yosuke and human Teddie try to dance together.)