#I really don't know if I'm looking too much into it cause they're just shitty AI generated like-baiting videos but like. still

[sevicia]

I can see how that video making fun of the AI generated babies saying "At 28 days old I was put in a microwave by my own mother" is like maaaybe funny cause it's ridiculous but the fact that the people who made those videos (the AI generated ones) are literally fishing for likes by telling the story of a real infant that was killed by her own mother after being put in a microwave is just extremely disturbing to me. not to mention the baby (Paris Talley) was a Black baby and most of the AI generated babies in the videos are white and I sincerely doubt many of the people making those videos are Black themselves (kinda baseless cause I'm not gonna check their Tiktok accounts but most people I've seen do "true crime" stuff are white) it's just gross as hell and I can see how and why it's making fun of those people but it's so fucked up I can't even laugh at them yk ...

[evilminji]

Ooooh~ Drink mix up? >.>

Because! Wes DID, in fact, get that dream job. HAS learned... after many, many hours of "beat about the head and shoulders with an ethics pamphlet by his great aunt", to keep his mouth shut! Family curse of Sight? WHAT family curse?

He doesn't see shit! Mind your business.

What're you? A cop?

Look, he sent Fenton a gift basket. He was a shitty, shitty "I have to be RIGHT and nothing else matters!" Stubborn lil asshole of a kid. He got better. Grew up. No one is there best Self during puberty. He DOES, in fact, regret it.

Which is WHY, he is deliberately ignoring Kent's terrible, awful, paper-thin, "who meee~?" Aw shucks BULLSHIT excuse of a disguise, like it isn't blatantly obvious he's Superman. Yep. Nothing to see here! Nothing but us chickens! Mmmmm, morning coffee! Delicious.

But see, here's the THING.

The Itty, bitty, teeny lil PROBLEM...

Wes grew up in Amity "Totally Not Supernatural Hotspot For Centuries" Park. He is... to put it mildly, genetically? A freak. His biology is ALL fucked up. Everyone's is. And it WAS NOT made better by the Fenton's playing fast and loose with their hell basement. The Ectoplasmic NUKE that was that portal.

There is a REASON his morning coffee? Is COVERED. Contained. Fenton brand, LEAD LINED, specialty cups. The sort that can't be EATEN from the inside out. Eroded after a few uses. They're ugly as sin, but they work. He even ordered a few covers from Star's etsy shop. (Apparently he wasn't the only one who hated how ugly they looked. Good for her though, he heard it was doing well.)

He SAYS this? 'Cause his morning brew is less... straight COFFEE... and more... how to put this? A blend? Brew? Potion, really. Like an energy drink. From hell. Or, partially at least, the Zone. It's the combination of roots, seeds, and a few dried berries. Kinda like a tea, actually!

Tasty. Adds this nice fruity, warmth. A zing. Goes GREAT with the coffee. And it really perks you up... if you are Limnal. If you AREN'T? It'll desolve your esophagus like swallowing straight acid. And that's not TOUCHING the... witch-y, more Seer specific bit of the blend.

That stuff is medicinal. You know, "calm the mind" and "mental clarity". That sorta thing. With a good ol helping of "don't blurt out everyone's secrets, you spacey bitch! For the love of God, those are our INSIDE THOUGHTS!". Which? Really helpful! Infinitely less likely to get decked. It's a family staple.

Poisonous, though.

They're fine cause they've basically developed an immunity to that part, but like? Wouldn't recommend. It's why he NEVER shares his drinks. Food? On occasion. If he PLANS it and knows not to add and interesting spices. But DRINKS? Never. Weston family brews are basically NEVER safe.

Which? Begs the Very Important Question ™!

Who's Coffee Is This?

Cause it SURE AS FUCK AINT HIS!

You never realize quite how fast you can go from "completely calm and kinda sleepy" to "bomb strapped to my chest, primal panic AWAKE" until it happens to you. His coffee was ON HIS DESK. People have passed by. He talked to them. Cups put down and picked up. Lazy early morning. He doesn't even register, really, as his chair crashes to the ground.

He's shouting.

People confused. They don't realize yet. His head whips around, looking for that distinct cover. Before it's too late. Before someone takes that fatal sip. He spots it. Bolting from his desk. Crashing through coworkers, over desks. Chaos and outrage. "It's 'just' coffee!" They cry.

Kent turns, confused. Pretending. Raises his (HIS! Oh god!) cup to his lips, unknowing. Wes SCREAMS a warning. But he doesn't listen. "It's 'just' coffee" They never listen. Curse of Cassandra. God's damn it. This is why his family fucking CONVERTED!

He TACKLES the man of steel.

RIPS his cup away from him, knows his eyes are frantic. How much have you had?! Spit it out! Wes voice ECHOES in the sudden silence. I'm a META, Kent! It could KILL YOU!

And oh, Oh NOW they get it. Or perhaps it is the burn in his mouth that finally registers. He rolls, spits oil slick nebulae that eat away the floor. There is blood mixed within it. It took mere moments. Superman stares, transfixed and horrified, as Wes shakes. He... he should probably get off of him.

He'll move in a moment.

When his legs no longer feel weak from terror.

The news room is in chaos. Lane kneeling by her husband, Perry trying to do damage control. He... he's probably gonna lose his job, isn't he? Wes wants to cry. Protection laws only go so far, after all. And warning his boss about his dietary needs means jack shit, after an incident like this. Beloved as Kent is. Not that anyone likely believed him.

They never do.

And now he's nearly killed Superman.

@hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @dcxdpdabbles

[sparrowlucero]

Even if a creator is a bad person it's still okay to like their work. People need to mind their own business.

Honestly it's not really that sort of situation. I'll actively defend Steven Moffat here.

There was a huge hate movement for him back in the early 2010s - which, in retrospect, formed largely because he was running 2 of the superwholock shows at once, one of which went through extremely long hiatuses* and the other of which was functionally an adaptation of an already well regarded show**, making him subject to a sort of double ire in the eyes of a lot of fandom people. Notably, his co-showrunner, Mark Gatiss, is rarely mentioned and much of his work is still attributed to Moffat (and yes, this includes that Hbomberguy video. Several of "Steven Moffat's bad writing choices" were not actually written by him, they were Gatiss.)

People caricatured the dude into a sort of malicious, arrogant figure who hated women and was deliberately mismanaging these shows to spite fans, to the point where people who never watched them believe this via cultural osmosis. It became very common to take quotes from him out of context to make them look bad***, to cite him as an example of a showrunner who hated his fans, someone who sabotaged his own work just to get at said fans, someone who was too arrogant to take criticism, despite all of this being basically a collective "headcanon" about the guy formed on tumblr. Some if it got especially terrible, like lying about sexual assault (I don't mean people accused him of sexual assault and I think they're making it up, I mean people would say things like "many of his actresses have accused him of sexual assault on set" when no such accusations exist in the first place. This gets passed around en masse and is, in my opinion, absolutely rancid.)

On top of that a ton of the criticism directed at the shows themselves is, personally, just terrible media criticism. So much of it came from assuming a very hostile intent from the writer and just refusing to engage with the text at all past that.

Like some really common threads you see with critique of this writer's work, especially in regards to Doctor Who since that's the one I'm most familiar with:

A general belief that his lead characters were meant to be ever perfect self inserts, and so therefore when they act shitty or arrogant or flawed in any way, that's both reflective of the author and something the show wants you to view as positive or aspirational.

An overarching thesis that his characters are "too important" in the narrative due to the writer's arrogance and self obsession (even though this is a very deliberate theme that's stated several times)

A lot of focus on the writer personally "attacking" the fans or making choices primarily out of spite.

A tendency to treat the show being different to what it's adapting as inherently bad and hostile towards the original.

Just generally very little consideration and engagement with the themes, intent, etc. of the shows

This one's a little more nebulous and doesn't apply to all critique but a lot of it, especially recently, is clearly by people who haven't seen the show in like 10 years and their opinion is largely formed secondhand through like, "discourse nostalgia". Which. you know. bad.

I think these are just weird and nonsensical ways to engage with a work of fiction. I also think it's really sad to see the show boiled down to this because that era of who is, in my opinion, very thematically rich and unique among similar shows, and I'm disappointed that it's often dismissed in such a paltry way.

This isn't to say people aren't allowed to critique Steven Moffat or anything, but the context in which he basically became The Devil™ to a large portion of fandom and is still remembered in a poor light is very tied to this perfect storm of fan culture and I just don't agree with a ton of it.

* I'm sure most people have seen the way long running shows and hiatuses will cause people to fall out with a show, with some former fans turning around and joining a sort of "anti fandom" for it while it's still airing. That happened with both these shows. ** Doctor Who will change it's entire writing staff, crew, and cast every few years, and with that comes a change in style, tone, theme - the old show basically ends and is replaced by a new show under the same title. As Steven Moffat's era was the first of these handovers for the majority of audiences, you can imagine this wasn't a well loved move for many fans. *** I know for a fact most people have not sought out the sources for a lot of these quotes to check that they read the same in context because 1) most of them were deleted years ago and are very difficult to find now and 2) many of them do actually make sense in the context of their respective interviews

[thebestsetter]

Thinking about Inumaki Toge being insecure about his speech (or the lack of thereof).

I feel like if he could trade a year of his life for sixty seconds without his cursed speech, he would. Without second thought. And specially because of you.

He's had a crush on you for a while (ever since your first encounter), but he'd never admit it. Not because he's scared of rejection, but because he's scared you'll reciprocate his feelings. Because he thinks you deserve better. Actually, scratch that: he knows you deserve better. You deserve someone so much better than him.

"And then you won't believe what he said! He said: 'I can't date you, cause I'm actually your brother!'"

"No way! That's the plot of the movie? How shitty!"

You deserve someone like Yuta. Someone who can make you laugh with their own words, someone who you don't need to strugle to understand what they're saying. Right now, you and Okkotsu are talking about some bad movie he watched. And you're laughing so hard and your laugh is so pretty it makes him wanna laugh too. He wants to engage on the conversation. He wants to say: "That's one of the worst plots I've ever seen! I can take you to the movies to see a real good movie if you'd like to"

But he can't. He can't, but Yuta can. He should let you go so you can be with someone who deserves you. He has no right to be this selfish, making you a slave of a love without any words of affection.

It feels like everytime he looks at you, there's a nagging voice in the back of his head, painfully reminding him that he can't be with you, and there's nothing he can do about it. It's an impossible love.

Hell, even Panda is making him feel envious and jealous. Even though he's literally a panda, at least he can talk to you. Sing your favorites songs with you. And he can't. At least not without cursing someone (and, God forbid, maybe even you. You're the last person he wants to harm)

He wanted you to confide in him just like how you confide in Maki. You always tell her everything. He wishes he, too, could be a source of relief. A shoulder you can rely on. But he can't. He can't, cause the best he could say in that situation is "Salmon", "Caviar" and other stupid onigiri ingredients that have nothing to do with the actual topic of the conversation. Honestly, he would be tired of himself if he was his friend. You don't have the obligation to understand his dialogue. Nobody does.

So, he comes to the conclusion that he should just avoid you. He should give up on loving you, because he doesn't want you to suffer.

"Toge, please! We haven't talked in days! Why did you suddenly stop talking to me?"

He stays silent. That's the only thing he can do, after all. He can't speak. He can't. But he wishes he could. He wishes he could tell you everything that's going through his head, tell you about how he feels like dying when he sees you playing a game with Itadori and Nobara because he knows he'll never be capable of doing that with you normally. If he speaks now, everything that'll come out of his mouth are foods. Speaking now would only remind him about the drift that exists between you both (and there's two options to avoid anyone's fall: you either close the gap or you widen it. He chose the latter)

"..."

"Inumaki, talk to me" (how sad. You want him to do exactly the only thing he can't do. That just makes him remember that he'll never be enough for you. Never)

Also, wow. You're using his last name. He got in a really bad situation, huh? How will he get out of this? How will he stop your (and also his) suffering?

There's only one way. And even though he swore that he'd never use his spell against you, he finds himself lowering his scarf with trembling hands.

"Leave. And don't look back."

~A/N: This is the fic I wrote that I mentioned on my last post!! I know a lot of people have writen abt this b4, so this is inspired by other stories I've read (if you've written something like this and want me to credit you, feel free to send me an ask!!). IT JUST FITS INUMAKI CHARACTER SO MUCHHH!! Like, I can totally imagine him being insecure about not being able to speak. I just thought I should give it a try cause I CAN'T FIND INUMAKI STUFF, so I took matters into my own hands. I don't realy like this, but I thought it would be a waste to not post it anyway

Masterlist

[crabonfire]

☆ Would merc still like you if merasmus turned you into a worm 🪱 ☆

characters: all mercs

tags: crack but not really I'm taking it kinda seriously, reader has a platonic relationship with the mercs

note: maybe someone's done this before idk I felt compelled to write something tf2 related and this is lowkey all I fucking got lmao

Also this is ridiculously long for a fic that was supposed to be crack so my bad (this was longer actually, but I cut out a bunch of yapping)

●○●○●

• I feel like Scout's first reaction instead of panicking is to curse and threaten Merasmus.

"OUT OF EVERY SHITTY THING YOU COULD'VE DONE, YOU TURNED THEM INTO A FRIGGIN' WORM?!"

• He's yelling, so much to the point where Merasmus just teleports away and ignores it, finding it funny (of course he finds it funny what a dick)

• He realizes that when he was so busy yelling at Merasmus, he had lost you. He panicked, looking around the ground with a horrified frown, cursing to himself as he started to dig, looking closely. When he finally found you, he placed you on his hand with a frown, looking at how you moved against his fingertips. He wanted to cry a little, he really didn't know what to do.

• He's placing you under his hat. Usually he'd find worms or maggots gross as hell, and if he was going to be honest he still found you gross, but it was you, so...

• Then he rushes back to base, the panicked look on his face never leaving him. He alerts all the other mercs, making a huge fuss over how, you're a worm now, and they need to help him get back at merasmus to turn him back.

He's holding you in his palm, and you're just wiggling around like nothing is wrong cause you're a worm now. And the rest of the mercs look at him like he's crazy.

• Spy, Sniper, Medic, and Heavy are convinced he's lying. Demo believes him a little since he's experienced Merasmus' antics. Soldier automatically believes him fully since the worms there, but you're not, so that must be you. Engineer is just trying to keep the peace, trying to calm scout down, but it doesn't work as no one is listening to him.

• The team is skeptical, thinking that this is some elaborate prank and that, you're just out for a couple hours. But when you don't return tomorrow for the fight, or return after, that raises some suspicions on where you are.

• Ms. Pauling doesn't know where you are either. So is it true? Are you really the worm?

• A meeting is held, everyone stands around the rounded table, the light shining down on you. You're in your little wormy home, slithering and worming your way through life, forgetting your identity, eating leaves and sleeping in dirt.

The mercs watch as you're doing your worm thing.

Engineer clears his throat, making the attention go to him. He turns to Scout, and the confusion in his voice is evident as he speaks.

"Scout, you're absolutely positive that, this worm is (y/n)?"

Scout responds with an aggresive nod, the slight panic and frustration shown in his expression.

"I told you, its them! I saw it happen with my own two eyes, Merasmus found em, they got zapped and poof- they're a worm! A freakin' worm!"

• The team continues to look at you, so peaceful, so calm, being a worm. They don't know why, but, now it was much easier to believe him. The worm was just like you, chill and...cool...and awesome...and wow... amazing..

"So...what? They're just a worm now?"

Sniper said, picking up the jar you were in, looking at you curiously.

"I don't think they'll be too happy stuck like that."

Engineer spoke once again, "If they got turned into a worm, there's...probably a way to turn em' back, right?"

• That was enough to bring hope to Scout's mind. Of course! That was it, if he could find Merasmus and maybe force convince him to turn you back, everything would be okay! All his sadness had dissipated, and he was quick to start making plans.

• So they did, the team would go hunting for Merasmus, and make him turn you back. In the meantime, they'd take turns taking care of you.

• Scout liked to hang out with you, pretending like it was just like before, where you and him would sip sodas together and talk about anything and everything. He'd pour some soda in the dirt you were in, not really caring of the consequences and thinking everything was the same with you two. He really missed having someone to talk to, though.

"Man, I hope you can hear me. It'll be like, super fuckin' weird if I've been talking to you and you're not even in there.."

• Pyro wouldn't really see a difference. That sounds mean, but its really nothing personal. Though now that you were a worm, you weren't as scared as them as you usually were. They'd sit you down, with their plushies, having a nice tea party, watching carefully as you'd just slither about as a worm.

• Soldier was...confused. You, who once was a brave and selfless fighter, was now a worm. It fascinated him and scared him at the same time. He'd get awkward around you, wondering if you remembered him. He'd talk to you mostly, sometimes petting you...He'd try to.

"EVEN IF YOU'RE A WORM, YOU'RE STILL STRONG TO ME!"

"...You're still in there aren't you?"

• Demo wouldn't really know what to do with you either. He finds it kinda funny how you got turned into a worm. Unlike Scout or Soldier, he doesn't really panic, knowing you'll probably be fine, worm or not. He does miss having you to talk to, like scout. Sometimes he'd just be in the living room, and you'd be by the table in your little jar. He'd just watch curiously, but wouldn't really do anything.

• Same thing goes for Sniper. He legit doesn't really know what to do or say. But, he is a little afraid that you won't turn back into a person. Unlike Scout, he found that you weren't 100% obnoxious or annoying, someone to have chill conversations with after battle. He'd keep watch over you, letting you sit with him as he's chilling on top of his van. Sometimes he'd even bring you out with him in battles as he's camping out enemies during fights. He always makes sure you're safe, though.

• Heavy really liked you. He found you someone worth talking to, and a solid member of the team, so it was a bit jarring to see you turned into a worm. He'd keep his hopes up, though, talking to you like normal. Sometimes he'd watch you like Demo did, curious about you and your little world. It was weirdly calming, after battles he'd be worn out, and when he'd see you worming your way through leaves and dirt, it relieved him a little.

• Engie was a little off put by it, the same way soldier felt. You're just...a worm now? Huh. He doesn't really know what to say to that. Medic and him share the same thought, and that thought is, are you concious? Are you aware that you're a worm? Or are you mindless?

They can't help but think of it that way, in a practical sense. Medic would have to hide you from archimedes and the rest of his doves, who would love to eat you at any given chance.

Sometimes they'd do tests on you. Nothing painful or dramatic but, tests to see if you're still in there. They're really overthinking it.

Engie likes having you in his workshop late at night, makes him feel less alone when you're just worming. Medic keeps you at a distance, just to make sure he doesn't lose you or, have one of his doves eat you.

• Spy, is, kind of grossed out. Nobody has a close relationship with him. He did have a lot of respect for you, both on and off the battlefield. You were just a decent human being who he found a liking to, now you're...a worm. A gross, slimy worm.

He never let you into his smoking room, actually he never even let you out of your jar. He liked you, respected you, but liked you more as a person.

He feels pity, honestly, and just wants you to either be out of his way, or back to normal.

• When you do eventually turn back into a worm, they're all pretty glad. They all have questions, ranging from "Were you really in there? Like were you- aware?" And then "Was it nice being a worm?"

I'm sure you can tell who's asking which question and such.

○●○●○

this what comic 7 leak does to a person

[stanfordswifey]

"I'll be here for you, my love"

Ford Pines x reader

You've been in the hospital for 5 years straight, your cancer developing and spreading. The tumor you had ignored had now developed and evolved, spreading to your organs, causing your stage 1 liver tumor to evolve into stage 4 metastasis.

Just yesterday the doctor walked into your room quietly, it was unusual. She had some news to break to you. "I'm afraid you only have a couple more days left. I've told you this before but its any time now, i'm sorry." You smiled at her, noticing the tear falling down her cheek and frown mentally, keeping a fake strong facade. "It's not your fault. I'm glad you tried your.best and never gavs up on me." Your hand curls into a ball under the sheet, doing your best to sray strong. The doctor left soon after, leaving you alone in the room with only your thoughts, your brain wandered 'will i tell ford?' 'Will he be okay?' 'I hope he's going to be fine without me'

You stared mindlessly at the ceiling, thoughts and memories rolling around in your mind like a film for a movie, you curse at the solidarity of your life, eventually falling asleep. You felt pathetic, worthless even, knowing that your husband too busy to even worry about you.

(You eventually fall asleep and wake up the next day)

It was another dreary day at the hospital, the sight of white boring walls and minimalistic decor making you lose your sanity by the minute, not having anything to suppress the agonizing pain you felt in your body.

-ford's pov-

"It has been a while since I last visited them at the hospital"

He murmurs, to no one but himself.

You've been gone for so long, off he visited you time to time, but ultimately focusing on the portal more and more to distract himself from worrying about you too much.

As he was working on his portal, his phone suddenly rang, causing him to jump at the sudden sound, rolling his eyes as he pushes himself away from the table (yk those chairs w wheels he basically just rolled over to the phone LMAO).

He accepts the call, ruffling his hair in frustration.

"Ford Pines here, who is this?"

"Ah, sorry, I'm doctor may here, what is your relationship to (reader)?"

He hums, fidgeting with a machine part with his fingers

"I'm their fiancé, what's wrong?"

The doctor clears her throat on the other line,

"I'm sorry to tell you, their tumor has started to spread to numerous other organs, I fear they don't have much time left.."

Ford feels his stomach drop, his hand loosening.

".."

"I suggest you get them out of the hospital and just spend time together, I'm afraid there isn't much we can do now. It's best to spend time while they're still here"

"..I see, thank you doctor."

The call ended, he immediately drops his phone and covers his face with his hands, tears falling down. They really couldn't do anything now. He didn't know what to do.

That night he spent his time sobbing, thinking of ways to help you, looking for a cure, a remedy, anything to help you, he failed miserably.

After a couple hours of thinking it over and breaking down he decided to pick you up from the hospital and spend time together, if you couldn't be there for the entirety of his life, atleast he'd be there for yours.

A/N

Hi hi!! This was shitty! I havent written anything for a while T~T please do send me some ideas/requests or if I did anything wrong plz do comment it down, also English isn't my first language so It's not perfect, this will be like 2 or 3 parts? I dont know yet but I will update :33 thank you again for reading <33

[sturnsdc]

Scared to death

pair: Carl Grimes x fem!YN Dixon

synopsis: a lot of shit is going on in Alexandria, and Yn is about to face one of her biggest fears again when Carl gets hurt.

warnings: angst, typical TWD scenes, fools in love, violence, mentions of death, comfort, fluff, slight smut, character death, brief description of a near-panic attack.

era: (S6)

words: 9,8k

A/N: this one shot is part of a series called “feel special” !!

btw, Yn and Carl are 18 here

'm sorry if u see some grammatical mistakes!! ♡♡

dividers from: @cafekitsune ! ♡

main masterlist carl masterlist

YN'S POV

everything had gone pretty shitty recently, after Rick killed Ron's dad, much of the group, including my brother, went on a mission led by Rick.

that meant that a lot of us had to stay in Alexandria to protect the place.

honestly, that didn't make me at all happy, since i prefer to be there with them fighting, than walking through the almost empty streets of this place, completely alone.

i haven't seen Carl since the morning, and i've been trying to find him for a while but it seems like the earth has swallowed him. However, when i was about to give up and go back to my house, i managed to see Enid between the trees, 'she seems to be crying.'

i decided to get closer, trying not to scare her.

“hey” i greeted her, seeing that my attempts were in vain as she got scared anyway. She tried to wipe away her tears, but we both know it's too late. “Ya' wanna talk about it?”

she remained silent for a few seconds, but then sighed and nodded, that being my cue to sit next to her.

“i just talked to Ron… we broke up, but also… i feel that anger in him. And i try to understand him, because i know he's going through a lot but… that's not Ron, you know what i mean?” i thought about it for a second, trying to remember the interactions i've had with him after what happened with his dad. I nodded as i remembered some of his erratic, angry behaviors.

“yeah, i know what you mean, but did he do somethin' to you?” i asked, worried.

“no, i mean, he got angry, tried to blame all of you, and said that your people had ruined everything... and then he started yelling…” Enid stopped talking, and i saw some tears coming out of her eyes again, so i hugged her, feeling how she trembled

“i'm scared of what he's becoming, i don't want him to hurt any of you” she finally confessed, between sighs and in a low tone. I tensed at the idea, especially thinking about who Ron's focus could be.

“he won't do anythin' to us, Enid, we won't let him, i promise ya” as soon as i finished speaking we heard screams coming from the streets. They were desperate and heartbreaking. A chill ran down my spine.

that sound... is the sound of death.

“run” i whispered to her. Then i stood up, taking her hand to help her do the same.

we started running, and i really thought we would be lucky, but we weren't.

one of the intruders caught up with us, and tried to attack Enid, causing her to let go of my hand and fall hard to the ground. I quickly took out my knife, burying it in his head without a second thought, however, before it fell on her i threw it to the side, looking at his lifeless body with pity.

i, again, took Enid's hand, helping her up. But apparently this attack had attracted attention, as i saw several of his companions coming towards us, armed to the teeth.

“Enid, i need ya to run to Carl's house without lookin back, i'll try to go after ya all the time but if ya don't listen to me anymore, ya keep runnin and if ya see him there let him know that i'm fine and that i'll be there soon, 'kay?" i saw in her face that she was going to protest, so i interrupted her before she could. “Come on, Enid!”

at my scream she started running, and i tried to go after her as much as i could, but they're fast, too fast, so i let go of her hand and started moving slower. She turned to look at me, full of panic.

“Yn…”

“keep runnin, Enid, please!” i saw that she hesitated, but decided to listen to me, making me feel some relief.

it was then that i stopped completely, being surrounded by all of them within seconds. However, those around me don't seem to have guns, only knives and machetes.

“well… shit” i said, and then the first of them tried to attack me. His movements were erratic, even senseless, so i was able to dodge his attempts to kill me, although i didn't escape all of his blows. It was then that i firmly grabbed my knife, burying it in his throat and feeling his blood fall on my face and arms. Then another of them came, who seemed very upset by the death of his friend, but it was precisely that that made him more clumsy, helping me to bury the knife in one of his eyes, which was what killed him.

i continued like this with two more, noticing how now my body (and my clothes) were soaked in the blood of these people.

however, one person is still missing, and he seems to have been biding his time.

i felt the first blow reach my jaw, it was so fast that i couldn't dodge it, and i almost fell from the strong impact, but i managed to stay upright, hitting him in the stomach. My blow seemed to leave him unable to breathe, but when i was about to stab him he straightened up and hit me in the eye, this time making me fall.

he quickly got on top of me, hitting me in the ribs, right where one of his friends had already hit me, making me scream in pain. However i did my best, hitting his balls with my knee, making him get off of me, falling next to me as he screamed in pain. Then i took advantage of the moment, burying my knife in his head.

desperation began to consume me, so i stabbed his head again and again and then i felt myself slowly losing strength in my arms.

then i saw one approaching me, fast.

but he didn't make it, since someone who seemed to be from the same group attacked him, killing him instantly. Then that person turned to see me and ran towards me. I tensed, but soon calmed down when i recognized Carol's eyes among that disguise.

"are you okay?" she asked me, agitated and revealing her face.

“yeah, i am, thanks Carol” i tried to catch my breath “ya look weird with that costume on, holy shit” i joked, watching her roll her eyes and smile.

“you should go to Carl's house, he's with Judith” that made me feel enormous relief, so i quickly nodded, standing up without remembering the hits i had received. It was then that i whimpered in pain, earning the attention of the adult, who looked at me with concern.

“it's nothin… i just got a little beatin here” i shook my head, trying to concentrate to forget the pain for a moment and reach my goal “thanks again, be careful”

i started walking as fast as i could to Carl's house, seeing how right in front of it there was a body lying there. It was one of them, apparently someone had shot him... twice.

i sighed at this, listening as a door opened near me.

“Yn!” it was him, he was shouting to get my attention, so i walked towards him as best i could, almost falling when i was in front of him.

Carl grabbed me in his arms, trying to be careful when he heard me whimper.

“wha-what's wrong? did they hurt you?” his voice was filled with concern as he helped me inside, closing the door behind us.

“there were five of them chasin' us… i had to get rid of them to protect…” then i stopped, looking around for the girl. “Where's Enid?”

“she left, i don't know where and i don't know when, i only know it was after i went out to help Ron.”

“ya kill that man in the street?” i asked in a lower tone

"he tried to attack Ron, so i shot him in the leg but then he tried to take my gun and i... i... shot." i felt his voice shake as he said that, so i hugged him tightly, trying to ignore the horrible pain i felt in the body when doing that.

we stayed like this for a few seconds, in silence, feeling the warmth emanating from each other's bodies until an alarming noise scared us. Carl, who had his face hidden in my neck, soon began to laugh a little, then separating himself from my body to look at me.

“want some cookies?” he asked me, turning to look at the kitchen so that i would understand that the alarm was due to that.

“you're a goof.” i laughed too, then i approached him to give him a short kiss, which was instantly reciprocated.

a couple of hours later, Alexandria seemed to fall silent again. But this time the silence was not accompanied by tranquility, by people enjoying time in their homes, or doing their jobs.

no, this silence was devastating, the kind of silence that exists after a catastrophe. I know this because it's the same silence that has accompanied us from the beginning, since the walkers arrived. Then in the fall of the camp, or at the end of the farm, also in the fall of the prison, and in every shit we've experienced after that.

i tried to ignore it, so as not to get depressed now when it's those here who will need our support to recover from this.

“i almost didn't see you today, i missed you and i was so worried when all this started happening,” Carl said, with his right arm hugging my waist and his left arm stretching out so he could take out one of the last cookies that remained.

we have been standing in the kitchen next to the oven since i arrived, eating cookies and trying to get rid of all the anxiety and adrenaline that this situation brought us.

“i missed ya too…” i was interrupted by the sudden commotion outside. Through the window we saw people running towards the entrance of Alexandria, most of them with worried faces. I turned to look at Carl, frowning just like him.

“i'll go see, you're very hurt.” when he saw that i was going to protest, he interrupted me. “Can you take care of Jude for me?” i stayed silent for a few seconds and then growled in response, watching as he smiled and gave me a little peck on the lips before leaving.

even in this situation i could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and my heart pounding.

fucking Grimes.  

Rick had brought with him half of the horde they had tried to divert on that mission they went on.

Glenn, Nicholas, Sasha, Abraham and Daryl were lost, where no one could find them, and without communication.

the people of Alexandria, in a desperate attempt, try to reinforce the walls, but a voice in my head can only remember the prison, and how that same strategy didn't really work for long.

but i can understand them, so i decided to keep quiet and watch with Carl, who had warned me about this whole situation.

Judith's safe, luckily, but i felt that pang in my chest that made me understand that something was about to go wrong. That's why i haven't let go of Carl, hugging him from his side, feeling his right arm hug my shoulders and his head rest on mine.

i tried everything to distract myself, but nothing seemed to help, so i preferred to stay still, feeling Carl's scent against my body, impregnating my clothes as always and making me feel protected.

we heard footsteps behind us, and suddenly Rick was in front of all of us, being quickly surrounded by the people of Alexandria and our team members. I could only look at him from my position in his son's arms.

“you can hear it, some of you saw it. They got back here, half of them” he started to say “Still, they're enough to surround us and kill us” i saw the faces of the people of Alexandria transform into grimaces of deep fear and worry “i know you're scared, you haven't seen anything like this, you haven't been through anything like this. But we're safe, for now” he was silent for a moment, as if analyzing his next words “The panel that the truck hit seems intact, we already reinforced it, just in case. Either way, the wall is gonna hold together… Can you?” he looked at them all quickly. “The others, they're gonna be back.”

“they're gonna be back,” Rosita reaffirmed, nodding.

“Daryl, Abraham, Sasha, they have vehicles, they're gonna lead them away, just like the others. And Glenn and Nicholas are gonna walk back through the front gate after.” Rick looked at Maggie after saying that, seeing her nod hopefully. “They know what they're doing, and we know what we need to do. We keep noise to a minimum, put up our blinds at night, even better, we keep the lights out." Not far from us i saw Ron, he was staring at Rick, and there was something in his eyes that made me unconsciously tighten my grip on Carl's body, catching his attention.

"you okay?" he asked me in a whisper. I looked at him, taking a few seconds to respond, but finally nodding, returning my gaze to Rick.

“we'll try to make this place as quiet as a graveyard, we'll see if they move on…”

“this place is a graveyard” it was then that someone interrupted him. I saw that soon after Aaron spoke, but i couldn't pay attention, until he mentioned him, Daryl.

“i was out there recruiting with Daryl, and i wanted to… try to get into a cannery and scavenge. Daryl wanted to keep looking for people.” Aaron looked at me, it was a look of guilt “We did what i wanted, and we ended up in a trap set by those people” He looked back at the others “And i lost my pack, they must have followed our tracks. Those people who attacked us… they found a way back here because of me”

Rick said something to him, and i know more things happened, but i could only hide my face in Carl's neck, feeling his caresses on my back in a way of comforting me while i just sighed.

i'm not mad at Aaron for this, i'm just… tired. And i need to find Enid, i'm worried she's out there. I know what she's capable of, but i also know what people and walkers are capable of.

i also worry about others, i worry about the walls of this place.

but there's something that scares me, and it's Ron. The look i saw in him was so cold, indecisive, but dark. That wasn't the Ron who greeted us when we arrived, who made bets with Carl, or who showed us around.

without realizing it we had arrived at Carl's house again. I guess he helped me walk here, noticing my lack of attention.

“Carl…” i sighed, entering and walking with his help until i reached the sofa, where i sat down with difficulty due to the pain in my ribs.

“what's wrong, babe?” he was still standing, now stroking my hair.

“we have to find Enid, she's out there, alone, with all that danger…” i started to panic while i was talking, getting Carl to put his hands on my shoulders, getting my attention.

"i'll go, i'm not gonna let you go in this state, it will be more dangerous for you than for me or her." when he saw that i wanted to say something he stopped me "no, baby, there are no other options, you're hurt." he kissed me to prevent me from speaking. I just responded to his kiss, relaxing my body by having my mouth against his. He knew that would happen, because i felt him smile against my lips, and then he separated and kissed me on the forehead. “i'll be fine, and i'll come back without any problems.”

however, Carl returned just a couple of minutes later, angry and agitated, with his clothes somewhat disarrayed as well as his hair.

“what the hell happened to you?” i stood up and walked over to him carefully, fixing his hair as i heard him sigh.

“i saw Ron, i asked him if he knew anything, but we ended up arguing, he pushed me, i pushed him, whatever, he said he would tell my dad, then he would go out and look for me, people would go with him and someone would die.” He sighed again, angrily “He said something about saving me, i'm sorry i couldn't get any further but i can still try…”

“no, babe. 's okay. Let's wait for this to calm down a bit. Let's trust what Rick said and then we can both go look for her, 'kay? i'm sorry for gettin' ya in trouble.” he shook his head, denying.

“you don't have to be sorry.” he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling my body closer to his in the process.

i hid my face in his neck, leaving a few kisses there, knowing that it would take away some of his anger, and distract him from this whole situation.

he may know me perfectly, but i have my tricks too.

today Rick and Carl were teaching Ron how to shoot. I didn't want to be present, because i know that my entire body will be on alert if i spend a second next to him, so i preferred to take a walk through Alexandria, like the last time.

i still have that feeling in my chest, like something's about to go horribly wrong. I don't know what it is, and i really hope it doesn't have to do with Daryl, but i feel like it's getting worse with every passing second.

last night i stayed at Carl's house, but even in his arms i couldn't sleep. The pain was so overwhelming that i felt like i couldn't breathe, but i didn't want to wake him up for that. I don't want to take away his rest just because of a feeling i'm having. 's not worth it.

but now, as i walk through the streets, accompanied by silence, i can only think about the things that have happened and that can happen. And the pain gets worse, so i bring my hand to my chest, wrinkling my shirt as i squeeze it tightly. I can't breathe. I can't.

my vision became blurry, i feel like my throat was burning from my desperate attempts to breathe. I had to stop, standing in the middle of the street. My legs are shaking, hell my whole body 's shaking.

i feel so cold, but i'm sweating. The knot in my chest is getting bigger, more intense, i don't even remember where i was going, what i was doing before this.

i feel dizzy, my eyes open wide from the panic that consumes me, my legs feel numb, my fingers hurt, i wanna throw up, i feel my heart beating so fast.

'am i having a heart attack?'

i can't move, i feel frozen.

'is this how i'm going to die?'

'i don't wanna die, not now'

‘'n-no, i don't want to, it can't be happening, it can't...'

'I DON'T WANNA DIE'

“Yn!” Carl's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I saw his face, he's worried. He put his hands on my arms, trying to get my eyes to meet his. “Yn, baby, it's me, it's Carl.”

i tried to look at him, to focus my sight on him, but i feel like i can't, my vision is blurry, i can only think about how much my throat burns, how much my body hurts.

“Yn, babe” his hands went up to my face and i could finally feel his warmth.

i sighed, shaky, but i was finally able to focus my eyes on him. His hands wiped my face, and it was then that i noticed i was crying. My tears were hot, completely different from how i feel right now.

i sobbed when i saw his eyes, feeling stupid and strange.

“ 'm sorry, i'm so sorry” i sobbed again, feeling how he hugged me.

“it's okay, you're safe, i'm here,” he said, in a low, sweet, charming tone.

my head was resting on his chest, so i could hear his heart beating. That's what i heard last night when i was trying to calm myself down, but now it finally seems to work. My heart started to beat slower, but my body started to feel heavy, like i had pushed my body to the limit.

“i... i don' know what happened, i thought i was goin' to die, Carl, i thought...” i whispered, feeling his caresses in my hair.

“you're not going to die, i'm not going to let that happen,” he said firmly.

i'm still shaking, i still feel that huge pain in my chest, but my tears have stopped, and i don't feel so dazed anymore. I just want to go home with Carl.

but apparently life doesn't want that, since as soon as it seemed like i could calm down, people ran towards the gate again. Between their conversations i understood that Spencer had tried to leave, but clearly his plan went wrong and they had to save him.

i just sighed, staying still in Carl's arms.

“do you wanna walk for a while? then we can go to my house. Carol must be taking care of Judith right now, so we'll be alone.” i nodded, separating myself from his body so i could take his hand, following him wherever he wanted to take me.

his thumb caressed my hand, making me smile a little. He always does that, he knows perfectly well the little details that make me feel better.

'i don't know where he learned it from, but damn it works.'

we finally arrive at an incomplete construction that we sometimes use to distance ourselves from the rest. Almost no one goes there because it's a pile of wood with nothing “attractive”, but for us it is a good place to feel some peace, to get out of the house.

“we should find a place like this out there when everything is safe again, don't you think?” he said, leaning his body on a railing as he put his hands on my waist, moving me so i was facing him, just the way he likes it.

“i would like that, it would be like... our place, fer dates and to hang out” i saw him smile.

“i'd love that.” he brought his face closer to mine, but before kissing me he looked behind me, stopping his actions. I saw the sudden fear on his face, so i quickly looked back.

the tower…the tower is falling.

shit happens so fast.

when the walkers came in, Carl and i ran, tried to defend, and ended up in the same group as Rick, Deanna, Michonne, Ron, and Gabriel. There are quite a few of us, but i don't know if we're enough to get to a safe place soon.

we found ourselves surrounded by walkers, i had my knife in hand, and the others seemed terrified but ready to defend themselves. But before we could do anything, the walkers in front of us fell as a result of gunshots. Soon Jessie, Ron's mom appeared in front of us.

“come on, i have Judith!” she said and we followed her until we entered her house which was right across the street.

Judith quickly ended up in my arms, while Michonne and Rick carried the injured Deanna to the second floor so they could lay her down. On the other hand, i heard Jessie yelling at her youngest son, Sam, to turn off the music and draw the blinds.

'this whole thing 's a disaster.'

i walked for a moment with Jude in my arms, trying to stop her crying until i finally succeeded. When i did, i took her to the second floor, where the crib that Jessie uses when taking care of her is and i decided to leave her there, receiving a look of approval from part of Rick.

“they bit Deanna, i need you to tell them while we stay here taking care of her and covering everything, okay?” he told me, trying to seem as calm as possible. I nodded and went down, not knowing exactly what to say about it.

when i got downstairs, Gabriel, Ron, and Carl approached me, all with panicked expressions, and i guess my face isn't much better.

“Deanna…” i cleared my throat “she got bitten, so the others will stay upstairs to take care of her and finish covering the windows”

“oh God” Gabriel covered his face with his hands, walking away from us. Ron seemed to go blank, and Carl looked at me sadly.

i couldn't keep looking at them, not now, so i ignored the pain in my ribs and the pain in my face, quickly going to try to cover the first floor windows. Carl was the first to help me, and then the other two did the same.

'we need to protect this place, 'cause it may be all that's left for us after this.'

“let me help you, you're still hurt despite the medication Denise gave you,” Carl said, helping me place a dark blanket on one of the windows.

i try to forget it. It's not the first beating i've received, and i definitely can't remain useless and do nothing, not now.

i heard Judith crying again, so i looked at Carl, who nodded, letting me know that they'll take care of the first floor.

i took the steps two at a time and walked quickly down the hallway until i reached her. I sat next to her crib, on a chair in the room. I sat her on my lap, but i didn't know what to do, i didn't know how to calm her down, and that's when an idea came to my mind and i cleared my throat, trying to abandon my shame so i could help her.

i tried, i tried to sing softly the first song that came into my head, so with my sweetest voice i began:

“you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

you'll never know , dear, how much i love you

please, don't take my sunshine away”

i learned that song from Carl, and it always seemed to help Jude, so i tried my best, and she seemed to recognize the song, because immediately her crying calmed down, and her eyes began to slowly close. I could only watch her, unconsciously smiling at the purity of that girl.

'as long as i'm alive i'll do my best to maintain as much of that purity in ya as i can, Jude. Ya deserve a better life than this.'

i sang to her some more, making sure she was completely asleep before i could put her back in her crib. And when i did, i returned to the reality that was being experienced, because Rick and Jessie ran down the stairs, and i understood that it was because of a loud noise coming from the first floor.

'Carl'.

trying not to wake Judith, i left the room and ran down the stairs, reaching where the adults were gathered.

“Carl!” Rick yelled, and Jessie did the same with her son's name.

from the noises we can all guess that they're fighting, 'but why the hell?'

“Ron!”, “Carl!”

“Carl open the door!”

they continued yelling, until Rick decided to use his axe, breaking the lock on the door so he could open it. When he managed to do so, he entered the place, yelling at them to get out while the walkers entered through the windows. Then with difficulty i helped Jessie and the boys keep the door as closed as possible, until Rick and Gabriel brought a couch to help, although it didn't seem to be of much use.

“we need more, and we need to be quiet,” Rick said.

Michonne, who had just come down, offered to find more things.

“me too” Ron said, agitated.

“i'll help,” Carl said, to which i looked at Rick, who looked back at me with the same expression of distrust.

“hey, what happened in there?” he asked Carl as we continued to hold the couch.

“we were looking for tools and a shelf fell over,” he said, but none of us seemed to believe him.

“we heard yelling,” Jessie said in an accusatory tone.

“yeah, Ron saw them break the gates, we had to move. That's what happened”

“there are uh… nightstands in my mom's room, they can help with the couch” Ron said, approaching Carl. I looked at him with a frown, feeling my body on alert.

'if he touches Carl...'

“hey, it sounded like you were fighting,” Jessie told her son.

“yeah, we were fighting them!” Ron replied, going upstairs to avoid more questions.

Carl let go of the couch, ready to go after Ron.

“Carl, 's everythin' okay?” i asked him this time, searching his eyes so i could more easily tell if he was lying.

“yeah, everything okay” he barely looked at me as he said it, instead he walked up the stairs to follow Ron.

at this i looked at Rick again, tilting my head to the side, with an expression that let him know that i don't believe them.

“do you wanna go with them?” he asked me.

i thought about it for a moment, but i know Carl can handle it, even better than me, so i shook my head, denying.

“no, 's okay, he can handle it” i finally answered.

when we finally close that door we started to worry about the main entrance, because all the noise called out a large part of the horde, causing many of the walkers to try to destroy the other door.

this time we put in a mattress, and for a moment it seemed to work, but that's when Judith started crying.

“i'll go,” Rick said, noticing that i was about to go look for her. He looked at me for an answer, so i nodded, watching him leave.

the bad thing is that Jude's crying only attracted more walkers, complicating things even more, so Carl and Ron had to bring a table when the door gave way, breaking completely.

“Rick!” Jessie called out to him, noticing that our efforts didn't seem to be enough.

Michonne noticed the moment when another of the doors broke, allowing the walkers to enter the house.

“everyone get upstairs, now!” she ordered us, trying to give us time while she killed some with her sword.

“back off!” Rick motioned to us, so we all dropped our things and ran towards the stairs.

i watched as he and Michonne blocked the stairs with the couch, giving us a little more time to think.

i looked at the walkers, there were too many of them and they might catch up with us eventually. We can't stay in this house for long, especially knowing that Judith and Deanna are here. But we can't jump out of the windows either, because there would be more of them below, because we could fall badly, because Judith could get hurt.

'but what are the options?'

it was then that my head lit up, remembering a disgusting technique that we had already used in the past, and that maybe could save us now.

“Rick!” i called out to him, making everyone turn to look at me “we can use 'hem, take out sheets and use them. Ya know it works, it can help us” i saw him consider the idea for a moment, and then he nodded, looking at Michonne.

“i'll take care of this one, i'll leave you the one in the back,” he told her.

“Gabriel, go get sheets, we need one for each of us” i indicated to the man, seeing him nod and walk towards the rooms.

“i'll help him,” Jessie told me, to which i nodded, watching her leave after him.

"what are we gonna do?" Ron asked me, somewhat desperate.

“we're gonna use the walkers to smell like them,” Carl explained briefly, but he didn't seem to understand.

“wh-what?”

they already had the two walkers, so we couldn't answer his question, instead i helped carry the walkers, while Rick told Carl to stay guard the stairs and Ron followed us.

“i need the sheets,” i told them, watching Jessie come over with one.

"what are we gonna do?" she asked, watching how i made a hole in the sheet.

“we'll go to the armory,” Rick responded, somewhat agitated by the effort.

"how?" she asked again.

“we're gonna cut these things” Rick told her, in a rather simple way to tell the truth.

“we're gonna cover ourselves with the insides.” i told them this time, watching their faces transform into grimaces of horror. “that will mask our smell, we'll make them think we're like them.”

for a moment they were silent, looking at me in horror.

“we've done it before, 'kay? 's gonna work and 's our only viable option right now, so just bring the damn sheets,” i snapped.

“we'll stay calm, we don't draw attention, and we can move right through them,” Rick said more calmly, watching Gabriel arrive with more sheets.

“they're in the house, they're making noise. More are coming” Michonne told them this time.

soon the two of them opened the bodies of the walkers while i was in charge of making holes in the sheets. Once that part was done i passed three sheets to Ron and Jessie.

“everyone needs to put the sheets on, even Sam, then we'll cover ya. Whoever stays here will die.” i explained, watching them silently take the sheets.

a few minutes later we all had the sheets on us, including Carl and Sam. We were just finishing putting the guts in them so there's no doubt it's going to work.

“ya smell horrible,” i told Carl jokingly, helping him cover himself. He laughed and raised an eyebrow, looking at me mockingly.

“you smell worse” i smiled at his words.

"shut up"

Rick went to look for Judith, and when he returned i lifted Carl's sheet. We had agreed that he would have her hidden there. She had a scared expression on her face, so before lowering the sheet i gave her a kiss on the forehead.

“we'll be fine, Jude. We won't let anythin happen to you” i whispered to her, making only Rick, Carl and her hear me. She looked at me, and reached for my hand, so i gave it to her for a moment, squeezing hers gently. That seemed to comfort Judith, so she let go of my hand and let me lower the sheet. Carl watched me throughout the entire process, which made me a little nervous. “wh-what?” He just shook his head, smiling.

"nothing".

Rick then stepped forward, moving the couch silently, revealing the house full of walkers. Then Carl went after him, and i after Carl. We all walked in a kind of line, passing unnoticed among the dead until we reached the main entrance.

once outside we stopped for a moment to observe the streets full of walkers.

'that's where we'll be walking now. We just have to hold on a little longer.'

Rick took Carl's hand, he took mine, and i took Jessie's. We all held our hands in the order we left the house, and so we would have to continue.

i think i heard Sam call Jessie, but I really hope that's not the case. I know he's scared, but if he keep talking he can get us all killed.

'please, Sam, just shut up.'

we had been walking for a few minutes, now we could only hear the grunts of the walkers. My hand occasionally squeezed Carl's hand, receiving a light caress in response. It was his way of telling me to be calm.

suddenly Rick stopped behind a bush, making us all stop walking, drop our hands and look at him.

“alright, new plan” he whispered. “flares from a few guns aren't enough. Too many walkers, too spread out. We're not going to the armory. We need our vehicles back at the quarry” He explained, while Carl and i looked around, watching for no walkers to approach. “All of us drive, we need around them up, we leave, we come back.”

“okay,” Jessie said. “But Judith, to the quarry and back…”

hearing this, Carl and i turned to look at Rick, noticing that he was looking at Gabriel.

"i'll take her. I'll keep her safe in my church until you all lead the walkers away,” Gabriel said.

"can you do this?" Michonne asked him.

“i'm supposed to. I have to.” he replied.

Carl carefully handed Judith to Gabriel, and when she looked at me before lowering Gabriel's sheet i nodded.

“you'll be okay, Jude,” i whispered, pulling down the sheet.

then Jessie took Sam's arm and looked at Gabriel. “Take Sam,” she told him, but the boy immediately refused, scared. “Yes, Sam, it'll be safer.”

“i'm not leaving you,” Sam answered, and when Jessie was going to protest he spoke again, “Mom, i'm not. I can keep going” his gaze seemed to harden, making the woman sigh. “Please.”

after that, Gabriel said goodbye to us, assuring us that he would do what was necessary to keep her safe, and then he headed towards the church.

we had to leave again, so we held hands again, although this time in a different order. Now Rick held Sam's hand, the boy held his mother's, she held mine, i held Carl's, he held Ron's, and Ron held Michonne's.

we started walking, but soon the day began to go away, and with it the light. We were bathed in darkness, trying to guide ourselves with the light of the moon and stars, without making noise so as not to attract the attention of walkers. Although it had been a long time, i didn't feel tired, and i try at all costs to ignore that pain in my chest that keeps me on alert.

'i'm not going to fuck this up, not me.'

i wonder if the smell is still as strong as when we left, but the answer is probably no, because the blood eventually started to dry a little, and that's probably what made some walkers watch us for a few seconds longer than normal. But they continued on their way, and that's what made me feel most relieved.

but apparently not everyone thought the same, since without realizing it, Sam was also thinking about the looks, about the possibilities, and he began to be filled with a panic that soon exploded.

Sam let go of Rick's hand and started to back away.

“S-Sam?” Jessie tried to gently pull his hand to bring him back to reality, unconsciously also squeezing my hand. “Come on, come on, sweetheart? Sam? you can do it,” the woman told him, in a low but desperate tone, refusing to let go of her son's hand.

“Sam, come on,” she said

“come on, come on, Sam” Rick tried too.

“Sam, you can do this, look at mom,” Ron said this time, almost whispering, but desperate.

“Sam, honey, i need you to come with me” but Jessie's words didn't seem to have any effect, as the boy soon began to cry, sobbing loudly, beginning to attract the attention of the walkers.

“i want to,” Sam said, but he was still frozen, crying.

“i need you to be strong,” Jessie said.

but it was all in vain when suddenly a walker jumped on Sam, biting his cheek and making him scream, calling for his mother. The scene was horrible, and i started to feel nauseous just watching it. The walkers kept coming, biting Sam and covering his face with blood and bites.

Jessie couldn't let go of her son's hand, and instead she also seemed to freeze, crying loudly at the loss of her son, she even started screaming, and that was what made me try to let go of her hand. But i couldn't, she squeezed me too hard.

“Je-Jessie, Jessie” i tried to call her, but she kept screaming, drawing the attention of more walkers “Jessie please, come with us” i begged her, but she wasn't listening, she was just screaming and holding my hand tightly.

the inevitable happened. The walkers attacked the blonde, who didn't even let go of my hand at that moment, making me panic. I couldn't let go without attracting their attention.

Carl tried to help me, but that caused us to attract the attention of a walker.

“dad!” he called to Rick, who silently took his ax and walked towards us, repeatedly hitting the wrist of the person who used to be his lover with it. When he finally cut her hand, the force made me fall, bringing Carl with me.

what we didn't notice is that the gun Carl was carrying fell in the process.

well... apparently someone did, and quickly took it while we were getting up.

the sound of the gun safety was what caught our attention. We looked back, seeing Ron holding it, pointing it at Rick.

“you…” he said, and again there was that cold, broken look in his eyes.

a chill ran down my spine, and then Michonne's sword pierced Ron's body, killing him in the process. But despite his death, he had his finger on the trigger... and he clumsily fired just as the life was escaping his body. I closed my eyes for a moment, startled by the sound, but when i opened them, i felt my blood freeze, i thought i was dying.

Carl slowly raised his head, then showing that the shot had hit one of his eyes, leaving a hole of blood, blood that ran down his face as he tried to look at us.

"dad?" i heard him say before he fell. I tried to grab him as best i could, and panic came over me as i received Rick's help to lift him up.

“Rick, we have to… we have to take him to Denise, please” i sobbed, watching as the man carried his son in his arms. He didn't respond, but he started running in that direction, so Michonne and i passed him, clearing the path of walkers.

'Carl…please, you have to be okay, you have to be'

then i understood the panic i had felt these days, the horrible feeling that haunted me.

'i can't lose him, not him. Not him.'

memories of the farm came to my mind, when they shot him and i had to see him in that bed, not knowing if he would survive that.

i buried my knife in every walker that tried to get close, without even thinking about it, just doing it.

'i need him to get to Denise, i need her to help him.'

right now the beating doesn't matter, my ribs don't matter, none of that matters. All i care about is getting him help.

'he's everything to me, i can't do it without him.'

we saw the door to the infirmary open, Denise had seen us, she was ready. We let Rick enter with Carl, and after him i entered with Michonne.

ny face was wet from the amount of tears i didn't even realize i had shed, Aaron looked at me, worried and trying to understand, but i couldn't look at him, only at Carl.

“please save him” i begged Denise, almost in a whisper, and at my side Rick did the same.

Denise turned on the light, and although Spencer tried to complain she quickly silenced him. It was then that i looked at Rick, who seemed to be in a trance as Michonne removed the sheet from him.

as soon as i handed my sheet to Michonne, Rick seemed to make a decision, as he grabbed his ax and left the infirmary. Michonne yelled for him to come back, but he didn't listen.

i don't know exactly what it was, but something told me to go with him, to follow him, so that's what i did. With my knife in hand i left, closing the door and beginning to kill each walker that crossed my path.

i couldn't feel or think. My ears were blocked and my hands were numb.

there was blood, and more blood, and more blood. My body seemed to float. Nothing hurt me, nothing weighed me down.

every head of those walkers had the mark of my knife.

i don't even know when Michonne and the others joined us, i could only continue killing.

Aaron, Heath, Spencer, hell, even people came out of their houses, out of their hiding places.

Eric, Olivia, Rosita, Morgan, Eugene, Tobin, Carol, Tara, hell, even Gabriel were here fighting. There were so many people around us, when suddenly a fire started on the lake, catching our attention. In the distance i saw a truck, but i couldn't see who had caused it.

many of the walkers started heading towards the fire, but Rick yelled at us to not let our guard down, as some were still trying to attack us.

we gave it our all, we pushed our bodies to the limit to protect this place and kill every one of those damn walkers.

we ended up covered in blood, but we were all still alive.

'Carl'

then it dawned on me and i ran towards the infirmary again, without looking back, without paying attention to the screams. I don't even know how long we were outside, but it seemed like an eternity until we were finally able to finish them off, so i wasn't that surprised to walk in and see that Denise was putting a bandage around Carl's head.

" 's he alive?" Rick walked in when i asked the question, just as agitated as i was.

"he's alive, but he lost a lot of blood. It's gonna be a long recovery... and he'll need a lot of support from everyone. Things will be very different and difficult for him when he wakes up.” she told us, then looked behind us. “I need to move Carl to another room, but is anyone else hurt?”

“i-i don't know,” Rick replied.

we both moved Carl to the nearest room, putting some chairs near him so we could wait for him to wake up.

“i'll go thank her,” i said to Rick in a low tone, to which he nodded, still quite disoriented.

“hey, Denise, thank ya so much for savin' him…” i stopped in my tracks and my eyes opened wide. Daryl was entering through the door of the infirmary, and after him the others came with small smiles, looking at me attentively. “Dar…” i blinked a couple of times, and then i ran into his arms, being instantly reciprocated, although i heard him complain a little.

“i was so scared, i missed ya so so much” i mumbled, trying not to let the others hear us. My voice broke as i spoke.

“i'm here now, girl. Ya don' have to be scared, ya know i'll always come back” he told me, in the same low tone, caressing my back.

“i need to heal your brother, Yn, can i?” Denise interrupted us with a guilty expression, to which i nodded, separating myself from him and wiping the tears from my face . “Do you need me to adjust the bandages on your ribs again?” this time she asked me, making Daryl look at me with a frown.

“i'll tell ya later,” i said, then looked at Denise. “i'm fine, now i'll go back to see Carl. I wanna stay until he wakes up. Thank ya... again” She nodded, now forcing my brother to sit on another stretcher.

when i came back, Rick was talking to Carl, so i decided to give them a moment, but when he finished, he noticed me at the door, so he got up from his chair and walked over to me.

“i think... i think he's conscious, i don't really know.” and after saying that he left for a moment, leaving me alone with him.

i went straight to sit down, gently taking his hand.

“hey…uhm, i hope ya can hear me or i'll really feel like a fool.” i tried to joke, but my voice betrayed my nervousness. “i hate seeing ya hurt. I really thought i was going to lose ya this time, ya scared me to death” i sighed, bringing his hand to my lips, leaving a small kiss on the back of his hand “i don't know what would happen to me if ya weren't here, Carl, and i know that ya would say that i can continue, that i'm strong, but the truth is... that it would destroy me not to have ya anymore. Hell, ya can break up with me, hate me, but at least ya'd still be here. If that weren't so… i couldn't, Carl, i really couldn't.”

i felt his hand squeeze mine gently.

“if ya can really hear me, i want you to understand that i love you too much, Carl. And i don't care if i have to help you all the time now; i also don't care about the scar left on yer face. You're still you, you're still the boy i fell in love with, you're still the boy who makes me feel at home." i felt the lump form in my throat again, but i tried to ignore it. "In my eyes ya have always been and ya'll always be the prettiest boy, so don't try to walk away when ya fully wake up. Don't even try to tell me anythin bad about yerself, 'cause God, Carl, if i have to tell ya on repeat every part of ya that i like and why, i will do it even if it takes me a long time to do it, and ya'll have to sit there listenin' to every word" i moved in my seat so i could kiss his cheek. “ 'm gonna be here in every step ya have to take, in every advance and in every retreat. On good days and bad days. I don' care about anythin else. I'll be here for ya just as ya are fer me.”

i heard a noise coming from the door, and i noticed that Rick, Michonne, and Judith in her arms were standing at the door. All three of them were smiling, and i felt my face heat up when i noticed that Rick looked like he wanted to cry.

it's been a few weeks since the last incidents in Alexandria, and everyone's recovery has been a complicated process, especially for Carl, who's still trying to get used to calculating distances or following a fixed point with only one eye.

when he woke up the day after the event, he was crying with anguish, and the first time he tried to walk and hit himself on a chair, he didn't want me to see him, and i had to spend the entire day without being able to see him.

now things are different, he doesn't feel so embarrassed by things like that anymore, but he hasn't even let me see him without the bandage. I just give him the time he needs, and try to remind him how valuable he is.

yesterday i came back from a run with Daryl, and as a gift i brought him some comics i found in a store. I haven't seen him smile as much as yesterday in a long time. My heart was beating so fast, i even felt like i was blushing to see him smile like that!

today i promised to go see him early at his house, so now that's what i do, walk through the front door of Carl's house, going straight to his room, where a loud melody was coming from.

of course, since he found a player he spends his time listening to music in his room. Today's song was “More Than a Feeling,” accompanied by the hitting of a tennis ball that Carl uses for his pt, as Denise instructed him.

“hey” i stuck my head out the half-open door, watching as he quickly turned to see me, smiling.

“hey! come in.” and that's what i did, closing the door behind my back and then walking up to him while he threw his tennis ball on the ground.

his arms surrounded my waist, and mine surrounded his neck. Soon his lips met mine, and i sighed with joy as i felt his warmth merge with mine. I brought my body as close to his as i could, also tilting my head to deepen the kiss, hearing him grunt in the process as he did the same.

his lips are so soft, fluffy. God, i could kiss him all the time. His hands caressed my waist, squeezing it gently. Shortly afterward he separated a little. I could still feel his breathing, so i whimpered in discontent, wanting to continue what we were doing, but he just laughed lightly.

“calm down, babe.” he kissed my forehead. “Actually, i wanted to ask you something.”

“uh? sure, babe. What do ya need?”

“could you help me change my bandage?” he asked me, but before i could answer he interrupted me “you don't have to if you don't want to, i can ask Michonne, i just…”

“Carl, babe, i'd love to help ya, come on.” with my head i pointed in the direction of his bed, so he nodded, sitting on it.

"are you sure?" he looked at me intently, and i could see the fear, which made my heart ache.

“of course i'm sure, every time ya want me to help ya, ya can ask me, that's fine” i told him firmly.

“thank you,” he said in a lower tone. I know this is a big step for him, and from the way i see him playing with his hands i can tell he's very nervous, so i hurried to find the box on his nightstand that has the bandages, and the disinfectants.

after that i settled between his legs.

“can ya hold this fer me?” he nodded, so i handed him the new bandage and the alcohol. “Now i'm gonna remove the bandage you're wearing. If ya want me to stop at some point, just tell me.” and that is what i did. I carefully untied the knot of his bandage, removing it gently in case something hurts him or if any part of the fabric is stuck to his skin. Once that step was ready, i used a bow that i had on my right wrist to prevent his hair from covering the wound and complicating my work.

for a second i admired his face, and felt the heat rise to my cheeks. Carl is beautiful, not only on the inside, but on the outside as well. I'm always looking at him, but this time it feels different, more intimate.

“you're perfect,” i whispered, almost to myself, but i knew he heard me when his cheeks flushed. Even over the music he was able to hear me, which made me a little nervous, so i cleared my throat.

i began to clean the wound, disinfecting it and putting all my concentration into not hurting it or doing anything wrong.

“ya can tell me if ya feel like it's too tight. 's my first time putting a bandage on someone other than a Dixon, and we're not the best reference to practice somethin like that." i tried to joke while putting the new bandage on him, hearing him laugh at my comment.

“it's perfect, thank you.” i took off the bow and he took care of putting the things on his nightstand quickly, returning to the position we were in, although this time he took me by the waist and made me sit down on his lap “Thank you for everything you do for me.”

“i'd do anythin fer ya, Carl.” i confessed, watching the smile form on his face once again.

“i'd do anything for you too, Yn, never forget that” i nodded, feeling happy.

it was then that he suddenly kissed me, making me gasp. The kiss was intense like the one a few minutes ago, but this new position made me feel different. The heat little by little went down to the inside of my panties, making me whimper and move my hips, rubbing against Carl's crotch.

it wasn't long until i felt something getting hard, and then i knew he felt the same way i did. His hands helped me move, now messier. Small moans came out of me, and he took advantage of that moment to put his tongue in my mouth, making the kiss deeper, more desperate. One of his hands moved to my ass, squeezing it. But it was when i was going to unbutton his pants that we heard a voice.

“Carl!” Rick called him from his room. We barely hear it over the music. Carl pulled away from me, grunting and his dick aching.

"what!? i’m doing pt!” He lied, making me laugh lightly as i moved from the position we were in, sitting next to him, still somewhat agitated and feeling my panties wet.

“i can't hear you, come here!” Rick replied, so Carl looked at me, and i laughed when i saw the anger and frustration on his face, as well as his lips red and swollen from the kiss.

“go on, or he'll come for ya.” he sighed, getting up from the bed with resignation, and moving his shirt so that it covered the bulge in his crotch.

“when i come back you're gonna have to take care of what you caused,” he said, making me clench my legs as the heat returned to me. He seemed to notice this, as he smiled, and before leaving the room he gave me a kiss “be a good girl and wait here. Don't do anything” he said, and then went out to see what Rick wanted.

i sighed, flustered by what he said and my face as red as a tomato.

oh…and now feeling uncomfortable because of my soaked panties.

[hippolotamus]

Sentence Sunday ✨

I can show you lies 'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did Lights, camera, bitch smile, even when you wanna die I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks 'Cause I can do it with a broken heart

Beloved mutuals and pocket pals... I honestly don't know what to say for myself. This is a case of 'I listened to a song too much, I had an idea I knew I was never gonna write' turned 'I'll just throw it out as a prompt' --> 'I'll just make a moodboard' --> 'Oh god, I've written over 1k words in place of a summary'. SO. Have... whatever this is, T Swift influenced Buddie actor au. Under the cut to save your dash.

Honestly, if the world still exists in the morning, Eddie Diaz doesn't really give a fuck. His girlfriend left, claiming he's still not over his late wife, and his teenage son, the last thread connecting him to said wife, went to go live with his grandparents. After, of course, blaming Eddie for pushing 'yet another one' away. Christopher wouldn't even look at him before he went.

Then there's Anita Mills, his agent, who is probably a few blood pressure points away from a stroke at this point. Assuming she doesn't fire him first.

Let her, he thinks, grabbing a bottle of Maker's Mark from the cabinet. He has a string of blockbuster films to his name, not to mention a commendable collection of Oscar's and Emmy's. Not that they made his parents proud or kept his wife from leaving him before she died. But they exist as proof that he's had a successful career. Between investments and liquid assets he has more money than he would know what to do with in a hundred lifetimes. So, fuck it.

Eddie breaks the wax seal and twists off the red cap. He doesn't even bother with a glass, not really seeing a need. He's never been a big drinker, but lately his tolerance has grown considerably. Indulging until he passes out seems like an ideal use of his time right now anyway. If he wakes up after? Well, he'll consider that a success.

------------------

"Hey! What the hell?!" Eddie manages, coughing and trying not to choke on the ice cold water hitting his body. He opens his eyes to see Mills towering over him, glowering and holding an empty vase. He swipes a hand across his face. "Seriously, Anita, what the fuck was that?"

"I don't know, Eddie, you tell me." She disappears for less than a minute, returning with a hand towel she unceremoniously drops on his chest. "Help me out here. What's today?"

He wriggles himself to something resembling sitting and leans back against the coffee table. "What's today?" He parrots back dumbly.

Anita crosses her arms and quirks an eyebrow. "I asked you first."

Today, today, today. Where was he supposed to be- "Shit! The interview with, uh, fuck." He snaps his fingers and racks his brain trying to remember a name or a face. All he knows is they're important.

"Claudette Collins. Very good, Eddie, you got it part way."

"Give me ten minutes, I'll put myself together and we can go," he says, fighting the violent wave of nausea that hits as he scrambles to stand up.

"Save your poor carpet from getting puked on and sit the hell down."

"What? No, I can-"

"Eddie," Anita interjects, "the interview was five hours ago. The interview with the Claudette Collins. The one that took me months of phone calls, groveling and cashing in favors to get for you."

Fuck. "Anita, I'm so sorry. How-"

"Save it." Anita holds her hand up, effectively silencing him. It takes him back to being seven years old and having to explain why his dad's truck had an enormous dent in it. She rests her hands on her hips, pacing back and forth as she purses her lips. Eventually she sits in the leather armchair situated in the corner. "Eddie, you and I have known each other a long time. A long time. I've been your agent since you walked into my shitty office back in Dallas. Given your impressive display of awards, I'd say we've done pretty well together."

She inhales sharply, rubbing at her temple. Anita doesn't mince words, it's part of why he's always liked her. He never has to question where he stands. She says 'jump' and he knows exactly how high. It's not difficult to guess what's coming next.

"Eddie, I know you're going through a rough patch. What you're dealing with is hard enough without seeing it splashed on every tabloid and trashy website. Not to mention none of those places knows the real story, so it's all a bunch of 'she said he might have said' bullshit. But you've made it through tougher things." Anita doesn't need to clarify that she's talking about Shannon's death and how his parents tried to take Christopher. "I don't know what's happening this time, but I need to take a step back. My wife has made it very clear that all of my attempts at stress management are not working and that if I can't get it under control I shouldn't be surprised when I come home to an empty house. So."

Eddie swallows, waiting for the inevitable and cursing himself for pretending he wouldn't care.

"I've talked to a few friends in the business and found someone willing to take you on."

What?

"What? You're not firing me?"

Anita's features soften. "Technically, yes. I am very much dropping you like a scorpion I found in my boots. However, like I said, I found someone willing to work with you. The name is Bobby Nash. He runs a smallish agency but don't let that throw you. He's cobbled together some pretty impressive talent. I assume you've heard of Evan Buckley?"

Eddie scoffs. "Of course I have. Who hasn't? Christ, he's everywhere you look. I can't pass a damn bus stop without seeing his face." A few details begin to click into place within Eddie's muddled brain. "Bobby Nash is his agent?"

"Sure is. And we all know the stories about Evan's past aren't the type you trot out at parties. My advice is that you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, go with Nash and do whatever he tells you to do. He even has a role in mind for you, costarring with Buckley. What do you say?"

What else was there to say? If Eddie didn't want to get blacklisted or wind up as some washed up tragic Hollywood story, being gossiped about where everyone - including his son - could see what a failure he was...

"I guess I say- when can I meet him?"

"Good answer." Anita clasps her hands together and gives him her signature smirk that tells him she approves. "Just leave everything to me."

Up to this point, Eddie has trusted Anita implicitly with all the messy business that comes with having him for a client. Why stop now?

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@thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @welcometololaland @wildlife4life and anyone else who wants to 😘

[wtftarot]

PAC: How can you face your demons?

Thanks to @lifeofaie for the inspiration for this one!

Demons. We all have them and they come in all shapes and sizes, what are yours? Are they tiny ones on your shoulder, whispering in your ear? Are they hulking and bloody and hunting you down? Only one way to find out!

TW: We are talking demons if you think this is gonna be an easy-to-read-easy-to-swallow reading, then you may wanna look up the definition of demons. This reading WILL deal with sensitive topics, I will put warnings for each group but DO NOT READ IT IF YOU ARE IN A BAD PLACE OR FEEL LIKE THE TOPICS MAY FUCK WITH YOU. I AM NOT A THERAPIST. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLEASE.

as always this reading is for entertainment purposes ONLY and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity.

Pick Group One, Two or Three and head to your reading.

ps I don't know why I'm hearing the Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction theme right now but I am? Sound off in the comments if you watched that growing up

Group One

Eight/Cups Rx, Three/Wands, Three/Cups Rx, The Devil, Ace/Swords Rx and the Hanged Man Rx on the back of the deck.

Demons (TW): Isolation, Abandonment, Not feeling Real, self-identity If you came to this reading and are having delusions or something about not being real, please find guidance from a professional. As soon as I pulled the first card for y'all I heard 'stop running'. It looks like y'all maybe, possibly avoiding/sabotaging relationships and you don't realize how much this is fucking you over. Some of y'all have friends/relationships but are not truly letting them know you. Others are self-isolating full-stop. I don't know why you're doing this, maybe you've had shitty relationships in the past. Maybe you've just convinced yourself you're a loner and that maybe true, here's the thing though, you're taking loner to an extreme. You never let people know you and then have this inner turmoil because you feel unknown, abandoned, and alone. It's also making you feel like you're not really Here or not Real. (Side note: Yall are TOUCHSTARVED) You're questioning the reality of yourself. Like somehow you're separate from the rest of the world. When you're not being your true self with others they treat you as someone else, so you start to feel like someone else BUT at the same time, your true self is SCREAMING at you inside, dying to come out. Honey, you can't keep abandoning yourself. Now this next bit ain't a call out, but you may be projecting the resentment you feel about not being your true self onto others. Angry and wondering why can't they see you? The REAL you. You may even be feeling like they're asking too much of you, asking you to be someone you're not. (For some of y'all I don't doubt that's the case. ) Thing is, they can't see you if you don't let them. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of times when people refuse to see you wholly as you are. (wholly is a fuckin weird word) When that happens though, it seems like you're taking others' word as law on who you are. All of this is giving this weird disconnect between you and others. Then it's like, what's the point in trying to build relationships with others? You end up drained and having to keep up a facade, why keep doing that to yourself right? There's a side effect of avoiding (authentic) relationships though. You see, friendships are very good at keeping our inner narrative in check. When we self-isolate there's no one to challenge our downward spiral-shit show (only scrolling, never talking to others online counts as self-isolating btw,) Our relationships help us see the world and ourselves clearer, but only if we can be honest. I'm saying all of this because I'm getting the feeling that y'all are REALLY fuckin hard on yourselves. Ok, ya know what we're gonna take a minute and breathe. Are you breathing? Nice, slow breaths. Cause that was a lot, wasn't it sweetheart? We're on to the easier bit now, alright? Ok, with this energy, I'm betting y'all get told you need to do more grounding a lot, Right? Like, no matter how many grounding techniques you do, you can never seem to actually get grounded? It may have more to do with grounding who you are into reality. I mean, it doesn't matter how grounded in the moment you are if you're not behaving as your authentic self you're not going to feel connected at all. It may be that you only really feel like yourself when you're alone. There's no way around this, babe. You have to try to build genuine connections with people. I'm talking heart-felt, emotionally-connected friendships and relationships. I know, I know it SUCKS. Good thing is, those relationships take time to build. You should go slow and build that type of trust over time. If you have people who you feel like you could start to be more authentic around, take baby steps. Be honest with how you feel. I also just heard 'learn to lean on others' . Spirit's making me a fuckin hypocrite. Y'all know it's okay to receive support right? Connections make you stronger. You can't isolate yourself into being the person you want to be.

random ass vibes: GOAT, papertowels, Justice, swords

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Group Two

Three/Cups Rx, The Magician, Ten/Cups Rx, Ace/wands, Five/Swords Rx and the Five of Wands on the back of the deck

Demons (TWs) Bullying, Negative self-talk/ self-hate

I'm getting the sense that y'all beat yourselves up a lot without realizing it. Y'all seem to think that everyone berates themselves as much as you do and that's just not the fucking case, honey. I feel like y'all are a prime example of if you hear a lie often enough you start to believe it. With the Three and Ten of cups both in reverse, y'all have been around some SHITTY people. And I don't think y'all had enough positive voices in your corner to help combat the shit you were being told about yourself. What's more concerning is some of you, most of you even, don't see how you're shitty inner dialogue is a problem. I'm not going into what I'm feeling y'all are saying to yourselves, that shit doesn't deserve to be voiced. Y'all are so fuckin talented and wonderful but every moment of every day is filled with these thoughts that you're horrible and you wonder why you can't seem to get shit done. Or why you don't feel that motivated to do anything. Then when you can't seem to get anything done, you use that as evidence that those shitty thoughts are right and beat yourself up EVEN MORE. Goddamn honey. Your mind is incredibly powerful and you're using that power against yourself. Maybe at one point you did argue with the shitty people or shitty thoughts but it got so overwhelming that you stopped fighting it. I keep hearing 'take up your wand'. It's time for y'all to push back against the thoughts a bit. One thing I'm getting might be helpful is to listen to positive affirmations. I'm not trying to say that they'll fix your life but if any of what I'm feeling is accurate, some of y'all have NEVER had any consistent positivity in your life and just listening to someone talking positively about you would help balance the scales out a bit. You don't even have to believe what they're saying, it's like that saying I mentioned earlier. You probably disagreed with the shitty things people told you about yourself at first too. Or at least felt like they were being mean and unfair, but you heard it over and over until you believed it. Listening to positive affirmations can do the same thing. I just heard 'don't let it get to you' I feel like y'all were really passionate and cared a lot about what people said, so you fought and you may be told parents/teachers and they gave you the whole 'they're only doing it to bother you, so don't let it' bullshit, instead of helping you. You may have even gotten in trouble when you tried to fight back. Cause people being shitty SHOULD bother you. That's not you being too sensitive, it's you knowing that you don't deserve to be treated like shit. I think it would be helpful for y'all, if you have a therapist or someone kind and honest and who you trust, to tell them some of those lil tapes you have on repeat in your head. Seriously just ask, I have this thought in my head about myself can you tell me if it's grounded in reality or not? Cause, the fact is that y'all don't even fully realize how horrible you're being toward yourselves and need some outside perspective. I'm also seeing you may have a habit of really seeking out romantic relationships because you're really wanting to be treated with some gentleness and kindness but have never been shown that in a platonic relationship and media really only shows that level of intimacy in romantic relationships. I hate how cliche this will sound but y'all need to surround yourself with positivity. Cause y'all are starved for it. I don't mean toxic positivity or the 'live, laugh, love' sunshine and rainbows positivity. I mean kindness. I mean warmth and acceptance.

random ass vibes: bitchy kindness lol, lighthouses, lions, 1414

If you liked this reading or want to support me, you can leave me a tip with the thing at the bottom of this post or tell me what you thought in the comments

Group Three

The Empress Rx, The Sun, Seven/Swords, Ten/Swords Rx, The High Priestess Rx and the Four of Wands Rx on the back of the deck.

Demons (TWs): Abuse.

If you are currently in an unsafe situation the phone number for the abuse hotline is 800-799-7233.

I'm smelling old cigarettes. Which will seem a little random but with it came the image of my great-aunt's house, she was a heavy smoker (and not to overshare) but her house was one of the few places I felt seen and safe growing up. Her house was warm and welcoming, and she was into all the weird dark shit I was fascinated by then (and now). The smell of cigarettes always makes me feel safe, even now. I feel like y'all need to cultivate an environment where you feel safe because you will be a safe place for others. Y'all do or will have an energy similar to my great-aunts Why is this coming out in a 'how to face your demons' reading? All of the reasons I felt so safe at her house were all of the reasons most of our family didn't like her. I think, that y'all have been wounded in a way where people have taken and taken from you. Have convinced you that you're nothing when they're the ones draining you until you have nothing left. My great-aunt was in an abusive relationship before I was born, from what I've been told she was totally unrecognizable, he made her small, meek. As long as I've known her she's one of the loudest, boldest people I've ever known. If someone's made you feel like the only way you're allowed to show up in the world is by being small or hiding yourself, I'm here to tell you that that's not the case. I don't know your situation exactly or at all. The Empress and The High Priestess are in reverse here, I feel like y'all are meant to embody those cards in the upright but whatever you've gone through has made you feel like it's not safe to embrace them. Or maybe apathetic toward them. I'm getting a lot of apathy, actually. The demons you're facing are parts of your past that you feel like broken you to the point where you'll never be able to 'be vibrant' again. I hear the be vibrant part, maybe you feel faded? You will, though. Be vibrant, again. Hell, the Sun came up in the reading, babe you're already on your way. Maybe only in small ways so you haven't noticed yet, but you are. All of the traits you've been told make you unwanted are the ones that will make the right people feel safe around you. I feel like y'all are genuinely warm and kind people and you've been treated like shit for it. Some of you haven't lost those traits but some of you have, that's alright. Lastly, for most of y'all, it seems this situation is over, but you're still sorta living in it. Living as if you're still trapped in it, that you'll never escape, or that they were right. Listen to me, an abuser is NEVER right. Sometimes our bodies just need time to learn that we are in fact out of a shitty situation. Going back to the first bit of the reading, it's time y'all get to learn what safe feels like.

random ass vibes: campy Halloween vibes, cats, ducks, pasta.

If you liked this reading or want to support me, you can leave me a tip with the thing at the bottom of this post or tell me what you thought in the comments

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 (𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧) 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

( dialogue prompts taken from episodes 5 & 6 ( "eat at baratie!" & "the chef and the chore boy" ) of the netflix live action one piece series. feel free to edit and change as you seem fit. )

❛ how about we sail away as fast as we can? ❜

❛ about the battle, you wanna talk about it? ❜

❛ there's something on the breeze. smells like butter. soy sauce. and meat. ❜

❛ think he has brain damage? ❜

❛ i smell food, which means that there's someone somewhere cooking. ❜

❛ what's a... baratie? ❜

❛ let's eat! ❜

❛ you'll have to excuse them. they're idiots. ❜

❛ wanna take this outside? ❜

❛ are you asking me to dance? 'cause i kind of had my eye on that blonde at table eight. ❜

❛ i call it a true bluefin sauté. it's elephant tuna, seared asparagus, in a sweet soy reduction. ❜

❛ if i gotta sling one more prime rib medium-well, i am going to drop dead of boredom, you old shitbag! ❜

❛ this ain't gonna be a fight. i'm just going to kill him. ❜

❛ hi, welcome to our shitty restaurant where the only thing worse than the ambience is the food. ❜

❛ one of our signature cocktails to help you choke down your meal? ❜

❛ apologies, madam, i didn't see you there. ❜

❛ something wrong with your eye? ❜

❛ just blinded by your beauty. ❜

❛ nami's got a boyfriend. ❜

❛ did i catch you in the middle of something? ❜

❛ just killing some time. ❜

❛ who's the quarry? ❜

❛ doesn't sound like much of a challenge. ❜

❛ why are you after me? ❜

❛ you woke me from my nap. ❜

❛ i can't eat another bite. but it's so good. ❜

❛ who the hell is monkey d. luffy? ❜

❛ i don't even think there's liquor in this. it tastes just like candy. ❜

❛ who's ready for another drink? my treat. ❜

❛ i don't really do regret. no point in looking back. ❜

❛ sometimes, when i try to look ahead, all i see is back. ❜

❛ you know, you're a really good cook. ❜

❛ if a man is hungry, i feed him. ❜

❛ what are you carrying around that's so heavy? ❜

❛ i bet i know more about you than you do about me. ❜

❛ i guess something about you, you drink. you guess something about me, i drink.❜

❛ i have business with your captain. if you know what's good for you, you'll hand him over. ❜

❛ i've been following your career since i was a child. it's an honor to finally meet you, sir. which is why it pains me to inform you that tomorrow... you're going to die. ❜

❛ accept my challenge. you'll see how serious i am. ❜

❛ you want me to say you're the best? you're the best. okay? ❜

❛ you're the best i've ever seen, but you are not better than him. ❜

❛ why do you give a shit? ❜

❛ because you're my friend, you idiot. ❜

❛ you said it yourself. you don't have any friends. ❜

❛ what is that? i'm here for a sword fight. ❜

❛ i don't hunt rabbits with a cannon. ❜

❛ you're brave. i'll give you that. ❜

❛ wounds on the back are a swordsman's greatest shame. ❜

❛ this world could use a few more wild cards. ❜

❛ it's too soon for you to die. grow strong and come find me. i'll be waiting. ❜

❛ you could never fail me. ❜

❛ look, i'm not gonna lie to you. he's lost a lot of blood. it might be too late for him. but it might not be. ❜

❛ he's got one foot in each world right now, caught between life and death. you have to find a way to keep him tethered to our world. ❜

❛ nice of you to announce yourself. ❜

❛ i don't take orders. not even from the likes of you. ❜

❛ what's the matter? don't like fish? ❜

❛ if you don't want the fish, i got two-inch t-bones in the kitchen. or maybe you're in the mood for saffron risotto? ❜

❛ i can make anything. just tell me what you want. ❜

❛ being a captain, it's the toughest job in the world, okay? ❜

❛ how'd you two meet? were you on his crew or something? ❜

❛ oregano's for savages! ❜

❛ you've got a sharp tongue on you, boy. how about i cut it out and fry it up with some pig fat? ❜

❛ do what you want, but i'm not gonna die here. ❜

❛ they're all dead, except for us. ❜

❛ you ate it? you ate your own leg? ❜

❛ you don't even know me. why would you do that for a stranger? ❜

❛ so i'm gonna need you to live on. and i'm gonna need you to fulfill that dream... for both of us. ❜

❛ have any idea what that's like? having someone lose a limb to save your life? ❜

❛ sometimes, when you are in charge, you have to make the tough decisions. ❜

❛ i'd do anything to save him. anything. except stand in the way of his dream. ❜

❛ isn't there something that you want? something more than anything else in this world? ❜

❛ not everyone gets to follow their dreams. ❜

❛ did you not hear what i just said? they are hunting you. we need to run. ❜

❛ i can't let innocent people get hurt because of me. ❜

❛ i hear you're looking for me. ❜

❛ so this is the pirate i've heard so much about? ❜

❛ do you know who i am, boy? ❜

❛ how'd you even know how to find me? ❜

❛ if you bow down to me, i might even let you serve in my kingdom. ❜

❛ i don't bow down to any man. ❜

❛ i told you in the bar i didn't have any friends, but the truth is, i couldn't let myself have them... because i always end up hurting the people closest to me. ❜

❛ why waste your time killing a devil fruit eater? let the sea do it for you. ❜

❛ what is your problem? ❜

❛ me? i'm fine. you're the one with the problem. ❜

❛ you're not gonna be anything, not if you stay here. ❜

❛ it's not like i can just leave. ❜

❛ don't you get it? it's one thing to have a dream. it's another to go after it. ❜

❛ you want my permission? you got it. ❜

❛ i didn't know what to say before, but i know what to say now, and it's so simple. i need you. ❜

❛ you gonna keep talking, or let me get some sleep? ❜

❛ i vow to stand by your side from now until the end. ❜

❛ you're my captain, and i'm your first mate. ❜

❛ heard you guys need a cook. ❜

❛ why are we bringing the waiter? ❜

❛ you keep your feet dry. ❜

❛ you know, all these years, living under your shitty roof, cooking at your shitty restaurant... i owe you my life! ❜

❛ thank you for putting up with my shit all these years, old man. ❜

❛ i'll never forget you! ❜

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

I was wondering if you could write headcanons for the Bone Boys as dads. ( you can pick one or multiple) (ie. Seeley, Jack, Lance, Zack, or any of the squinterns) I loved your hodgins fic sm <3 take your time!!! Thank you!!!

Oh, I love you for asking this 💕Any opportunity to write for my Jeffersonian family. And my squinterns? You didn't have to ask twice. If anyone want a part 2 let me know. I didn’t include a bunch of squints or my boy Aubrey

Seeley - over protective, caring, goofy, stern, willing to do whatever he needs to to make his kid happy. I mean, just look at Parker - that kid turned out so well adjusted and happy. Booth just loves him to pieces - and Christine? Apple of his eye. Any kid this man has will want for nothing and know nothing but pure unrelenting love. Sunday afternoons of throwing a baseball around - I don't care what gender, any child of Booth will know how to throw a curve ball. And the hockey games? Oh, the kid(s) will be wearing Flyers jerseys before they can walk.

Lance - we were robbed. Robbed of seeing this beautiful man raising a child. Sweets would be such a good dad too. Caring, affectionate, understanding, patient, hilarious, and with one disappointed look have his kids in line apologizing.

Oh, I could just imagine the first few weeks of sleepless nights. Lance, being so excited, but also so terrified of messing up. He knows what its like to have shitty people looking after you, and he'd never want to be that way. But he also knows what it's like to have two loving (amazing) people take care of him and love him with unconditional love.

This of course, would cause him to take the brunt of the middle of the night feedings/check-ins. Lance, sitting in a rocking chair, softly singing Coconut by Harry Nilsson. It's no surprise when the kid knows all the words before they know the alphabet fully.

Just, ugh, nothing but love and laughter.

Any child of Jack's will be showered with affection, over the top gifts (what do you mean a thousand dollar playhouse is too much? It has a fully functional kitchen and a mini lab!), and a love and appreciation for all the beautiful things around them (bugs and all).

"Whose my little prince/princess of the lab?"

Jack would realize his mistake during the preteen phase. "Honestly, I don't know where the sarcasm is coming from. They're too quick for their own good." This of course, would be met with eye rolls, and really? No DNA test needed here. King of the Lab? More like King of Sass.

Jack would love to take the kid(s) to the lab. "This is a Carabidae, they belong to the Adephaga." He'd love to see their little faces light up with wonder. He'd never feel more elated then hearing the little giggles when he puts the beetle into his kids tiny waiting hand.

Wendell would be the sweetest most down to Earth dad. No child of Wendell's would ever know what it means to struggle - not if he had anything to say about it. That doesn't mean his kids wouldn't know the meaning of hard work - that's the one thing Wendell prides himself in. Working hard and knowing you deserved to be there.

Considering his own mother induced labor on a roller coaster, I'm sure Wendell would be there for unconventional methods. His kids would also know how to defend themselves - verbal and physically (No one would ever talk down to his kids and get away with it. And boxers fracture? His kids would know how to throw a punch and mean it - "only if they deserve it, you can't just go around just starting fights with anybody."

His favorite memory would be the first time he took his kid(s) onto the rink. Seeing them persevere and keep going until they got the hang of it - "That's right, you got it!"

Wendell would raise his kids to be prepared for absolutely anything. Car broke down? They would know how to fix the engine. Someone broke their heart? Cry, feel it all, then take a deep breath and keep going. Because no matter what - he'll always be there to back them up.

Vincent would be a dotting dad. A little over the top, but that's why his kids would love him. Any child of Vincent's would know more random facts than any other five year old. The calls from the kindergarten teacher would always be...interesting. "Yes, yes, I can see why talking about the amount of insect legs found in chocolate would be upsetting to the other children."

That of course would not and could not stop him from prattling out more facts every night. Facts were his love language - his bonding time. Every night, without fail, he'd tuck his little one into bed, rambling about any random thought that popped into his head until his child fell asleep.

Colin, sweet morbid hopeless Colin. Would have no idea what to do with a child until one evening when he hasn't sleep for four days straight - he can barely see, his mind and body more fuzzy than normal.

He's looking hopelessly at his baby in his arms, "What? what do you need from me?" His voice growing more weary and desperate. Until he see's it, a smile - then a small gurgle that could be mistaken for laughter. "Oh, you like that, huh, my misery?" He's welcomed by another gurgle and big beautiful eyes blinking slowly back at him. He feels it then - the warmth- the happiness creeping up in his bones. He's got a shot now - at something he never thought about before.

Oh, his kid wants to paint his nails? Sure, he's always got the time, and maybe some tips, a little sloppy on the corner there. It's okay- you're only six we'll get you there, kid.

Colin would be the type of dad to always complain about being dragged to something, but he would secretly love it. Sappy teen movie playing in the background? No, he's not interested. He's just going to stand here for 30 minutes eyes glued to the screen. No, he doesn't want to sit down. Wait- rewind - what are they arguing about? He missed it.

Colin would have a little mini me - both the complete opposite of him and so similar it was scary. His little partner in crime.

Zack would like to think he knows exactly what he's doing but he has no idea. He buys every parenting book known to man. Spends hours of research looking up different child development theories.

No, the baby did not in fact laugh. It's only been a month, a baby can't laugh until at least 5 months. He states that firmly until the next few days when Zack swears up and down he made the baby laugh doing an impression of Hodgins. I know I said that, but perhaps the baby just has my intelligence and early development.

Zack will be there front row and center for every recital, game, or event. Doesn't matter if he has no idea what the rules are or what is going on. He'll be there cheering from the side lines.

His favorite afternoon snack to make? Macaroni and cheese.

Zack is just happy to have made his family a little bit bigger. He never thought he'd be proud of anything outside of the Jeffersonian, but he was happily proven wrong everyday.

[sinner-sunflower]

A HH Lucifer-centric AU 22/22

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21

STORY 2 - Sequel

I can't believe it?? I made it, Ma!

Luci's General Suit inspired by this FANART on twt by @kajina_97

This is the COMIC that inspired me to write the whole thing because I wanted this ending so bad klajdklsa it's by @Sandranetta_13 on twt

Dk what tomorrow might entai. Might be the first chapter for the sequel?

Let me know what you guys think! Please, I'm very desperate.

I'm willing to do a Q&A regarding your thoughts. DMs and Asks are OPEN! <3

Will link the sequel here once posted

---------------------------------------------------

Everything was relatively normal the following week. His and Charlie's long overdue moment with no more miscommunication made Lucifer feel a whole lot better. He couldn't ask for a better daughter.

Dressing himself in one of his battle suits, he felt like he could take on the world. Nothing says King of Hell like your best warrior outfit and a badass sword in full display.

Lucifer: Looking pretty dapper there, me.

Lucifer doesn't even bother to style his hair- it now flows animatedly like that of Lilith's.

Flowers were still being sent to him especially when he was first spotted roaming around the hotel after a week-ish long recovery. Charlie had the amazing idea of making a greenhouse or some sort of garden to put all the flowers and keep them alive as long as possible.

They got rid of any red ones after someone sent a buttload of them which then caused him to have a mini panic attack. Alastor is subtly trying to take that moment off his mind by leaving Marigolds everywhere. It's sweet but soon they're going to need a separate greenhouse for just the Marigolds. Where'd he even get these??

Finding his first Marigold of the day, in the bathroom of all places really Alastor??, he makes his way to the lobby. Everyone was there doing their own thing.

Husk and Angel are at the bar as usual, with the latter talking animatedly about something that puts an endearing expression on Husk's face. Nifty is putting on roach puppet shows for Alastor. The radio demon notices him and conveys his most 'help me' face but he just chuckled and gives him a thumbs up. The cyclops named Cherri is today's gift screener, grumbling about the pollen and the shitty taste some demons have.

Charlie and Vaggie were talking to a small group of demons by the entrance. As soon as his daughter sees him, she said something to the group then walked over to him.

Charlie: Good morning, dad!

Lucifer: You look busy.

Charlie: They're sinners who are asking about the hotel! I'm so happy that people are at least coming here to check it out. Did you have a good sleep?

Lucifer: Well, I don't feel like passing out today. So pretty good!

Charlie: That's great, dad!

Angel: Short king! Looking good in that fit!

Cherri: Yeah! Do a spin, hot stuff!

He blushes at the sudden attention. Everyone is looking at him in awe- maybe it was too much?

Alastor: Nonsense, dear.

Alastor appeared beside him in a flurry of shadows, seemingly reading his mind. He bends down at Lucifer's level to whisper in his ear. He plucked the Marigold Lucifer was holding, putting it behind the King's hair.

Alastor: I, for one, think you never looked so.. raveshing~

Damn him.

Lucifer: Shut up.

Lucifer hisses in response. Like, seriously? In front of his daughter? Thank Father, Charlie didn't hear that.

Charlie: Yeah! You look so cool. I don't think I've seen you wear that except for when there's a banquet.

Lucifer: Yeah, well, I wanted to look put together after everything.

Charlie softens at his words.

Alastor: No need for that, sire. I'm sure no one is foolish enough to comment negatively on what the King of Hell chooses to look like.

Lucifer: What does that make you then?

Alastor: Privileged, my King~

Lucifer rolls his eyes at the audacity but he can't help but smile. Man, he never thought he'd miss their constant banter.

Charlie: You look awesome, dad, okay? Al, please slow down with the Marigolds, Nifty's going crazy. Oh! Dad, right, Aunt Bel called said that the Sloth Ring is making incredible progress and that she'll visit again soon. I think Aunt Bee is planning a party with the other Sins and would like it to be held here in Pride! At the hotel! It would be so cool and of course if you're not ready I can tell them and maybe a little get together would be better. I'll even invite Sev! He gave flowers for you too and Vaggie was so jealous when I said he was my ex and thought the flowers were for me, she was so cute-

Lucifer tried, but he stopped listening halfway through his daughter's talk. It was a bit of an information overload but he kept a small, genuine smile on his face for her.

Then something caught his eye that made him stopped smiling altogether.

Charlie notices this causing her to stop talking.

Charlie: Dad?

He should answer but his eyes were locked on the wall behind Charlie. Plastered on the higher part of the lobby's wall was a glowing mark- gold wings with a dot on the center.

Lucifer turns around so fast to look outside the hotel's window. Heaven looks so out of place up there, sticking out like a sore thumb upon Hell's red skies.

A glint in the distance made him act. Without warning, he took off with such force that those inside the hotel were knocked down by the gust of his wings.

He breaks the window on his way out and pulls out Lightbringer. Lucifer brings the sword up and-

A powerful explosion lit up the sky. The sky split in two and fire appeared high and wide over Pride. At that moment, everyone became so hot that they couldn't bear it, as if their whole body was on fire. They wanted to rip their skin off just to get a sense of relief but then the sky shut closed. A strong thump was heard by every demon in the vicinity and then they were all thrown a few meters.

It felt like an eternity before Charlie and the others could get their bearings. Those that didn't get knocked out went outside, once there, they see Lucifer far up in the sky, holding up a flaming sword. The signature pentagram of the city has been fractured by whatever happened and demons all around were either hurt or unconscious.

Charlie: Dad!

Charlie calls out to her dad but he doesn't acknowledge her. His gaze never leaving Heaven, as if he's seeing something that no one else can.

--------------------------------------

A screen locked on Hell zooms out as the machine's voice rang out 'target disengaged'.

An angel looking similarly to Lucifer, except there's blue tints on the spots where Lucifer had reds, was looking down at Hell pulling back a large, golden gun. They blew the smoke residue and sighed.

Michael: Hello, Lucifer... Still causing trouble, I see.

---------------------------------------

it's done??

cliffhanger but don't worry, there's a sequel!

I spent 30 minutes looking for that comic that inspired this ending.

Did y'all catch that Lemmino reference? I'd have that description in my head rent free ever since I watched Grazed by the Apocalypse

Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this! This was my first published baby and I'm so proud !

[goldenivy0]

11:30 am where I live when I saw this OH GOD NO... 😭 Not during my break from work, I was supposed to be relaxing! 😂😂

They really can't get over this stupid comment Jurian made about Elain being assaulted in the NC, WHILE he was playing his villain role... I swear they don't understand this last part. Yes it wasn't a nice comment but Jurian was playing a role!! He was playing double agent and trying to make others believe he was on Hybern's side, what's so difficult to understand about that?? You know who also said and did some pretty shitty things while playing a villain or a double agent role? Rhysand and Feyre. Yeah... they conveniently forgot about that because these people are completely biased when it comes to Rhys and Feyre (and others in the IC). I've said this before, I don't hate Rhys, I don't hate Feyre, I don't hate the IC but good God, the double standards in this fandom are absolutely CRAZY! Not everything they do is excusable, they aren't (or even need to be) always the heroes you blindly believe they are. All of them did questionable things just like the people outside their circle and it's crazy how you can forgive them for doing so but you can't forgive the others. It's unthinkable to me how you time and time again forgive and excuse Feyre/Rhys/IC for making poor choices and are incapable of doing the same for the others (Jurian in this specific case). Even more so when the said bad thing they did and the circumstances they were in are pretty much the same. I just don't get it and honestly I don't think I'm supposed to. It's tiring.

The vile man you're referring to in this post is a good guy in SJM's eyes and you know how I know this? Because SHE wrote him like one. SHE wrote him like someone who sacrificed himself for the cause he believed in, who was trapped and in agony during 500 years and came back to keep fighting for the 'good side' despite of it. Whether you like it or not, SJM wrote him as a war hero and will NOT use that comment he made (again – while playing his role) against him just like you do 😊. One of @acourtofthought 's recent posts perfectly shows this, please go read it :)

I would say something about the part where they say "Lucien's fans have an obsession with defending vile men just like he does" but I don't have the energy anymore, and I guess it's too late for them to understand anyway... They will keep seeing things as they want to see and not as they truly are/happened.

Oh and one of the comments to the post said: 'Of course they defend vile men, it's because they're vile'.

UMMMM.... OH NOOO LoOk At mE 👹👹 I'm SuCh A mOnSteEeEeR 👽👽 BOO!! 👻👻

[junkdyke]

I fucking hate watching a video of a black person doing their natural hair, showing some tips, how they achieve a style, etc and seeing that the top comment is "As a white, bald man, I don't know why i'm here but i watched the whole thing!😂" or "I'm white with bone straight hair, how did I end up here?" like my god, white people are so self-absorbed but in a much deeper way than I think they even fucking realize. Obviously, surface level it's already shitty, you see a video of a black person, and you feel the need to announce that your white ass is in the vicinity. "Let me make this about ME" cause we can't have shit even in our spaces, you gotta let us know so we can look at you too.

But beyond that, it's actually really fucking weird and gross that ya'll are incapable of just seeing us as people, doing our thing, and taking that in as a normal thing alongside you in the world we live in. You see a black person styling an afro, and it is so outside of your normal, that you feel the need to point us out as an Other. It's not just that you can't relate, we're a spectacle. "Aha, isn't it funny that i'm here watching this negro pick out their hair?" maybe if you saw black people as any other person that is of equal to you in your world, you wouldn't see it as something so weird and bizarre for you to see. It's dehumanizing that you think you're such a Default Setting that when a minority ends up on your feed, it's so noteworthy it fills you with awe. And it's literally just a nigga combing their hair! Meanwhile, I know for myself and hella other black kids who grew up alternative, we were watching countless hair dying videos from young white girls, and at no point was it some mystical, abnormal sight. It just was what it was, some person doing their hair that we'd get the tips from. Ya'll just make me ill fr, there is no reason that on a black hair video, all the top comments are white people letting us know they're watching. We know ya'll have a weird fascination with our hair that you feel a need to point out, why the fuck do you think "don't touch my hair" has become a worldwide phrase from us, can you start seeing us as human, actually maybe. Humans that share the same planet as you do, not just the poor side characters you pretend to care about when it's trendy and otherwise pretend we don't exist in the same way as you do.

[billlydear]

Hi ;) It's me again 😅 What about a fic where Reader has her periods and, you know, it's just Billy being there for her to help her get comfortable and taking care of her. 🥺 Maybe she is too embarassed to tell him at first but he notices she isn't feeling well so eventually reader tells him the truth to ease his worries. Like he doesn't get a damn thing about how periods work so maybe he goes to Max and asks her to give him some tips ? I know it's very scattered and a bit over the place, but I figured it would be very fluffy and sweet you know. 🤍 But of course you know best, so really if none of this inspires you be free to just ignore this 😅😂 Thank you so much ! Your fics make my shitty days better. 💕

MOODY - BILLY HARGROVE X READER

W.C 1165 - INBOX (please request !) - GIF CREDIT TO OWNER

A/N: I'm so happy that you like my writing! I hope you enjoy this, too, I'm sorry it's a bit late 😅

Max dreads the sound of Billy's heavy footfalls outside her door. They're light and stealthy when they need to be, but when no one else is home, Billy stomps around like a soldier.

She preps herself for an infuriating conversation before the door even opens, and when it does, it slams against the wall. It tries bouncing back, but Billy's arm stops it as he stands tall in her doorway.

"What?" She demands with narrowed eyes.

"You're a girl."

She fakes an incredulous glance down at her chest, "Oh my god. You're right! All this time, and I've never known."

"Cut it out." He snaps, eyes ablaze, "I mean, you're a girl. So you know how girls work."

"We're not all clones, y'know." She scoffs, "What, are you having trouble with Y/N?"

"Yes," Billy huffs, "She's in a mood."

"So? How am I supposed to help?" Max's nose scrunches, "She hasn't told me anything."

"Because you're always in a mood!" Billy finally crosses the threshold of her doorway, sitting on her bed even when she slams her feet against his leg to try and shove him off.

"Listen, I dunno what's wrong with her, she just gets off in her head or something, and she's all weepy and shit, 'real pissy. She refused to eat any of her lunch today just 'cause one of her chocolates melted and got onto her bag of chips. It wasn't even touching them, it was just on the package. And- and fuck, there's, like, no sex.

"Ew!" Max's mouth falls open, brows furrowing, "Gross! I- God, Billy. I mean, have you ever thought about asking her?" Max stares at Billy, unimpressed, "That usually helps."

"No, Maxine, I have not," Billy gripes, "Because it comes and goes. When I finally decide enough is enough, and I go to ask her, it is enough. She just goes back to normal."

"Well... Is it, like, a recurring thing, then? Like, every Friday or something? It could be a weekly quiz in a class she doesn't like, or a family dinner routine she's not thrilled about."

"Not even weekly," Billy muses, "It's, like, every couple of weeks or something. I dunno."

"Wait." Max finally folds the magazine she was reading shut, her fingers trapped inside to hold her place. She squints at Billy, "Your girlfriend has been getting pissy every few weeks, crying often, having intense mood swings for days at a time, and being... conservative with her body, and then like magic it just goes away one day?"

Billy calculates her words in his head, nodding silently.

"You're so stupid," Max guffaws, resuming her casual flip-through of a cosmopolitan she shouldn't have in the first place, "Go talk to your girlfriend, butt-brain. And whatever you do, don't act grossed-out."

--

"Spill." Billy demands, turning his head to stare at you where you sit in the passenger's seat.

"What?" You look over at him warily, "Spill what?"

"Whatever's making you all sad and shit," Billy waves a hand, and it hooks back onto the wheel despite not needing to. He's parked outside the movie theater, waiting for you to confess.

"I'm not- I'm not sad and shit, Billy." You promise, but the way your eyes widen momentarily makes him realize you're covering up, "Don't worry about it, okay? I got, like, no sleep last night. I'm just really tired."

"Yeah, well, I don't doubt that." Billy murmurs, running a thumb under your eyes. It catches the skin there, sensitive and baggy. "But there's something else. I.. I asked Max, and she said I should ask you."

"Oh." You supply lamely, cheeks burning at the thought of your boyfriend's younger sister knowing you're on your period. "Uh, it's really not anything super important, if you just wanna move on it'll be over in a few days."

"No," Billy shakes his head, curls flying, "I wanna know now. I'm trying to be supportive, don't you want to talk about it?"

"I- I appreciate that you're being supportive," You nearly cry, embarrassment flooding your chest that Billy takes as despair, "It's just.. kind of embarrassing? I'm- I'm on my period, okay? That's all. It's just making me a little crazy."

"Oh."

Billy, admittedly, does think it's gross. Not because of the whole misogynistic-natural-body-processes-are-gross type deal, but because he's only ever seen blood as a result of injuries like cuts, so thinking about it coming from your vagina makes his own parts ache, and not in a good way. Even if he knows you're not cut up down there, that it's natural and that the bloodshed itself doesn't hurt, it'll take a while to reprogram his brain's perception of blood. But he'll get over it, after all, you have to.

"O-kay," He drops one hand from the wheel, reaching out for your own that's laying limp in your lap. "So, like, walk me through this. My mom didn't stick around long enough to have any talks with me, and if Susan tried I'd kill myself."

"I just need to be sad sometimes, or- or irrational. Even if it seems silly to you, don't tell me that, it'll just make it worse. I have to get it out."

"Okay," He shrugs, "I already don't tell you when I think you're being silly, y'know. I'm not in the habit of insulting you."

"I know," You can't help the smile that curves soft over your face, "I just mean, like, stuff might seem really dumb sometimes. But just go with it, okay?"

"Okay." He repeats; a promise, "Oh- and, uh, sex is a no?"

"Big mess," You mumble, cheeks blazing, "Not worth it."

"Well- I think I'd like to be the judge of that," Billy stammers, "I don't mind a mess. I encourage it, actually."

"Not like this," You chuckle bashfully, "You do realize it'll get, like, on you, right? I'll just suck you off for the week, or something."

"That's not fair to you," His lips puff into a frown, "I don't care. Let's just do it, I can trash the sheets if it's really that bad."

"At least use a towel!' You groan, burying your burning cheeks in your hands. Billy isn't quite sure why you're so embarrassed by the prospect of bleeding on him. It's bound to happen eventually, he reasons, a leaky pad or a surprise visit, why not enjoy it?

"Towel. Smart." He grins, teeth shining bright under the dim streetlights outside the car, "So that's our plan, then?"

"That's our plan," You try concealing your smile when you lean in to kiss him, but it doesn't work, and instead you bump grins. He presses his lips to yours as best he can despite his smile, and you let your nose linger against his own for a second longer than you need to.

"Let's just make sure Max isn't home," You worry, but Billy's more preoccupied with peeling out of the parking lot and racing for home, "You owe her, big time for this one."

[vaspider]

I have a question about your post about the garbage you get having a large follower count. I didn't see it mentioned in the reblogs.

How does this work with Tumblr? For example, say you made a post about some relatable trans masc experience. By the time I'm seeing it, it's got a bunch of really good additions but no one on any of the reblog chains has mentioned some connected trans masc experience that I've had.

It doesn't seem that screenshotting it and cropping out all the usernames is the best option (everyone deserves credit for their good info). But if that post has 10k notes, it's probably making your notifications unusable. So, it seems like it might be a risk to add my 2 cents and further blow up your notifications because my 2 cents might be 0 cents to you or others reading it. On the other hand, it also might be a whole dollar to someone who was a whole dollar short and since I don't have a large follower count, if I made my own post with that addition it might never get seen by someone that needs it.

Am I making sense? I'm worried that my 4am lack of sleep brain is making me not make sense. But I wanted to ask because I would really hate to be doing it wrong and cause you and any other large blogger here frustration they don't need.

The thing that matters to me is that people are like, taking a moment to look in the notes before they add to stuff, just to see if it's been mentioned 20 times, and that they're not, like, super shitty if I'm like "hey, we talked this to death already and you didn't see it in the notes bc I blocked the person so it won't show up in the notes, if you want to keep talking about this, make your own post."

And also that it's not like ... giving the most obvious advice to me as OP. You know, the "well have you tried yoga" kind of reply.

If you're putting a good faith effort in to not be a douche, don't worry too much about my notifications. It only really bugs me when people are either openly dickweeds (shit like tags that say "vaspider sucks so much and I hate him but he makes a good point so I'm reblogging JUST THIS ONCE" or whatever are just evidence of being a truly unbearable human being) or get shitty when I say like "please drop this particular line."

I would rather prefer people not screenshot my writing and blot out my name, though, bc that shit happens an annoying amount. Oftentimes it's people who are using my words for clout (weird) or attaching their own ko-fi links (weirder, and happened more than once with the Pete Buttigieg essay), and both of those things kinda suck. I am a lot of things, but two things I'm not are an object or a public resource.

So, yeah.