#I really don’t have much to lose
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guys hype me up i’m debating confessing to her tomorrow
#I ADORE HER#But i’m just terrified#I really don’t have much to lose#im leaving on wednesday and she’ll be gone by the time i get back#and she won’t be back for a while#enough time for us both to move on if things go wrong#but yet#im still scared
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I’m currently hyperfixated rereading Ftfo and can barely do any drawing but I’m trying!!! ‘^’ Designs are easier to draw for some reason so might see only those for a bit T-T
anyways have my version of Lord Lunar’s Gemini! They get fun new outfits!!!
#my artwork#fnaf#tsams#tsams au#tsams Lord lunar au#tsams castor#tsams pollux#tsams gemini#laes castor#laes pollux#laes gemini#the lunar and earth show#tlaes au#tlaes#little rant incoming#feel free to ignore#bro I’m recognizing the difference between a fun interest and a hyperfication and it’s not fun#I really wanna finish rereading ftfo but i keep having to force myself to be like ‘Take a break#go draw and such’ ect#because I’m just not moving for such long periods of time and I physically have to force my brain to stop skipping lines because I genuinely#can’t focus#and#if I stop for too long I’m so worried I’ll lose interest#want to finish ftfo but hyperfication is so bad#T-T#anyways#drink some fucking water#y’all#(don’t worry to much about me btw I’m doing okay and still taking care of myself just a lil frustrated)#(oh and ftfo is an undertale fanfic btw For the Forgotten Ones by I’m_Sorry_Buddy on Ao3 it’s freaking awesome)
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The irony of Émilie leaving her rich, restrictive family to explore the world only to also restrict her kid to the house and a social group that’s just an extension of her own
#the show likes to focus on Gabriel being the one who kept Adrien home and denied school#but Emilie only died a little less than a year before the show started#and Gabriel was never portrayed as a controlling husband just a controlling father#so Émilie definitely helped on deciding to homeschool him#or at least didn’t do much to stop it#miraculous#mlb#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#emilie agreste#gabriel agreste#bad parenting#bad parent gabriel agreste#bad parent emilie agreste#I’m sure she was nice and loved Adrien#and I don’t really think this control came from the same place as Gabriel’s#but I do think how many times she failed to have a kid made her scared to lose this one too#and thus she tries to ‘protect’ him by putting him in a cage#but just bc I understand it doesn’t make it ok
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One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps
#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon#And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do#The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational#Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments#Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo”#Basically implying he might be dead in a year#AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was#And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went .#Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon#I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him#I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that#I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed#So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects#And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today#I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too#p
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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So, I’m working on it…
Guys…ngl this oneshot is taking too much effort for me to write (I’ve been feeling unwell lately ngl) so unfortunately there won’t be a “Love Me Like A Rockstar” update this week because I really want to finish up this story. I’m sorry and I hope you understand! 🫶🏻
#just bvidzsoo things#i love the plot I have created for this story and i really want to finish it as fast as possible#so i won’t be updating anything else this week…as in the greek series and lmlar���so i hope you can understand#i feel bad for not updating lmlar but i just feel so stressed and tired and like…just mentally exhausted#and i don’t want to lose my creative streak bcz i absolutely love writing and writing with ateez has brought out the best in me#but idk…the stress i felt when i was close to finishing university had returned really BADLY probably bcz i applied to a master’s degree#and idk i just…i need a break but i also need to find a job and life feels a little too much atm#but don’t worry…my interview for the master’s degree is tomorrow so i’ll bounce back once this is over and i’ll be sort of stress free lol#ateez#ateez seonghwa#park seonghwa#seonghwa x reader
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idk why people think that just because they’re good friends with someone means they should be in a relationship… like. i’m SORRY you like me more than all your other friends now… can’t it just be good that we’re good friends??????? why does that automatically mean that we have to be life partners??????????
#idk… it’s just so frustrating#i try SO hard to be a good friend and this is what i get#i don’t identify with aromantic as a label bc 1) my feelings are too fluid for labeling and 2) i am skeptical of romantic love as a concept#but that is functionally where i am right now#i really can’t understand why anyone would feel this way#i get crushes on people too but it’s funny - it’s like a joke#like when i had a crush on my coworker-in-law and then had a dream about saving him from drowning#that was fucking hilarious#and i in no way want an actual THING with him#i consider my potential compatibility with a lot of my friends but that doesn’t mean i’m serious or actually want to be with them#it’s just an exercise#good practice for the future#i have WAY too much going on to be losing sleep over liking someone#i’m not in middle school anymore#and i didn’t even do that in middle school honestly…#just tiring… very tiring…
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my beautiful baby gorls
#gari draws#nintendo#smb#gari’s ocs#oc: mela#oc: pera#mareach fankid#fankid#i was honestly considering quoting three wishes for the caption#they cooked with ‘here we stand in time—past present future span’#but yeah! i just really wanted to draw the gorls™️ again#and also draw them older than like. 7#mela has all of her teeth here so imagine that it’s before that other one#imagine them around like. <1 then 6-7 ish then ~18#if you guys remember i mentioned that while mela is technically first in line for the throne even tho she’s a twin she does not have#much interest in it and believes pera is a better fit#so it manifests as pera becoming heir and mela traveling as a royal ambassador/adventurer#mario and peach worry about her ofc and sometimes mela travels with mario but she does a lot solo#she brings back lots of souvenirs for pera when she can’t come with#(not that pera is a homebody mela just moves very fast for her tastes)#idk when they lose the beady eye thing and i will not show a transition 🔥#oh yeah mela’s hair gets lighter! it’ll get even lighter the older she gets before turning grey#i thought about it turning brown but i thought peach needed a win#she also cuts it short when she gets older and honestly i love the way it looks#im sure they have casual outfits too but sorting out the diff child ones was an ordeal i don’t want to do again so#these will be going on their artfight ref 🔥#oh yeah i’m not sure when they stop being the same height but pera is shorter than mela and it pisses her off so bad#mela beating the older sibling is shorter allegations 🙏🏽#and both are taller than mario :^) im not sure on their heights yet BUT there’s a real difference between them#think at least between mario and luigi
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please don’t by k.will did more for the gays back in 2012 than any boy group can possibly do with fan service and crop tops in 2024
#do young kpoppies know about please don’t by k.will. im serious do they know#I think about it a lot#it’s impossible to replicate the feeling of being gay and watching that mv in the 2010s and just getting bodyslammed by the ending.#like he really just dropped that shit in TWENTY TWELVE#kibumblabs#to this day I think that’s the most explicitly gay mv ive seen in kpop by an established artist#(ie not holland. no shade to him but he kinda built his platform on being an openly gay artist and he’s not a big industry name or anything#which makes the impact significantly different. if that makes sense. anyway.)#like think about any other example. almost all of them can be brushed off as fan service or are at least vague enough to be#up for interpretation#please don’t’s ending is nearly fucking impossible to write off as anything but explicitly gay#no fanservice involved. no vague staring in each other’s eyes. just straight up Oh He’s Not Jealous Of His Friend He’s Jealous Of His#Friend’s Fiancé. oh#like that’s the whole point. interpreting it any other way doesn’t make sense with the impact it’s purposefully supposed to make#like seriously try to say ‘he’s just sad he’s losing his friend to marriage :(‘ or something. you have to be REAL fucking stupid or#deeply in denial to make that argument let alone believe it#anyway. I appreciate this mv a lot#k.will the OG of doomed yaoi in kpop#kill me#closest contender off the top of my head is one more day by sistar#also note I am talking about mvs here not songs in general#cause if I were talking about songs in general. key’s out there pretty much writing about gay sex at this point so I mean#k.will#kpop#only adding actual tags because I want you to watch this mv if you haven’t already
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Idk what happened between March and now but thank you to all the New Vegas modders who suddenly realized there is a large overlap of FNV players and those who hate bugs.
#yes this mod turns the bugs into much stronger more inconvenient and somewhat area locking#but I don’t have to see their gross faces up close so whose really losing#no more cazadore close ups from arcade and Boone#fallout new vegas#fallout#FNV
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trying to find people talking about “Um, it’s Kind of a Lot” and genuinely only found like 10 posts. is nobody else hearing this??
#girls when will wood writes another song about how terrifying but how incredibly rewarding it is to be vulnerable and open with someone#i know he’s talking specifically about a romantic relationship but i really think it can apply to getting close to people in general#being so used to being fearful that you don’t know how to react to genuine unconditional affection#being terrified at how much you can care about someone because now you have the fear of losing them#he said it a lot better than i can#i could post lyrics that show what i mean. but it would end up being the majority of the song#will wood#in case i make it#um it’s kind of a lot#um its kind of a lot#music#kat is typing
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EVIE !!!!!
I SAW U USE MY ART AS UR THEME SO I WANNA DO A REMAKE !!! mostly cause the other one was full of mistaks hurrrrr orz
keeping the color palette the same so itd still fit + use softer shading so convey how soft u are + moze is now IN UR HAND !!!! >:3
oh nick :’)
#🐦⬛🐕 .#彡 cherishing.#彡 inbox.#彡 nick!#AAAJSNSNS i did my makeup in record time because i had to respond to this asap !! T T i have 25 tags left and so much to say so let’s see#how efficiently i can use my words to convey my gratitude !! T T im actually losing my mind at the addition of moze’s little hands .. i#i will get into that later …. i cannot believe u revamped it for me!!!! thank you nick ?!?! 🥹 i went to gaze 🔎 at the two!! though i think#both are so lovely — i love the curl to my hair !!! i sleep with my hair in those heatless curl rods — so they always tend to be wavier at#the bottom since the top comes loose — THOUGH ITS A RANDOM DETAIL AHAJJ I THOUGHT it looked so accurate !! >< U DID THE BOW EARRINGS UUURGH#i love drop earrings !!!!! and the bow matches with the big one — i noticed the bow & headband is a bit different!! I LOVE BOTH — omg and t#god im going to run out of tags - AND THE SLEEVE!!! ok i shouldn’t point out every difference akajjajaj i am just so excited looking at bot#of them!! I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW ME IM SO?? CAN I SAY THAT??? the little sparkle is spot on because !!! i am showing off mini moze!! to everyo#everyone* T T !!! HE IS SO PRECIOUS AHAHAJSN his gigantic hood … and his signature (ᓀ ᓀ) oh but he is so cute …. T T NICK YOU MAKE HIM LOOK#SO SQUISHABLE URK ITS SO SPOT ON . HIS SQUISHABLE-NESS REALLY SHINES IN YOUR AWESOME ART STYLE (i don’t think i have ever reblogged somethi#something* from you without mentioning your art style) HES SO TINY AAASJSN MY HEART FELT SO HAPPY SEEING HIS LITTLE HANDS …. HIS HANDS ARE#FHE SIZE OF MY EARRING 😭😭😭😭 oh my god i just noticed you gave him a little blush and i want to lock myself underground /pos HE IS SO CUTE#IN YOUR STYLE IUUUAGGHHHH IM IN SUCH AGONY /pos :’) oh i don’t think i will get over his little hands ISNSKDKX im feeling so violently#affectionate staring at it — THE WAY HE IS DRAPED OVER MY HAND IS SO SJSNDNCJ he is my …. most treasured little crow …. that i am showing#everyone with the happiest smile ever …. THANK YOU NICK ))): and the fact that you kept the colors for my theme is so ?!?! you are so thou#UGH TUMBLR — you are so thoughtful with all of your gifts towards your friends!! noting all the details and such ): oh i adore you ): u sai#softer shading to convey how soft i am but i have quite literally melted into a puddle of goo so now am i soft ?! i believe i am just a#puddle in the corner over there in the nick museum -> waiting to be mopped -> OH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH SOB THANK YOU ))): i was about to say#that i don’t even know what to say to convey my gratitude — but i have said something! just not enough to get out my feelings ^^; never eno#ALSO I LOVE HOW YOU DID MY LASHES AAHHHNXNX )): my eyes !!! your style !!! oh i am really in such agony /POS URGH AND I KEEP LOOKING AT HIS#LITTLE HANDS AND WANTING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BUNDLE OF VIOLENT AFFECTION I GET FROM IT T T HES SO TINY AJANSDto ruffle his hair with#the very tip of my pinkie … trembling trying not to knock him over ……. i must make him a little spot in my purse …. with little blankets to#keep him nice and cozy …. nick words cannot express my gratitude — thank you!!! both versions are so stunning 🥹 I REALLY APPRECIATE IT (<-#severe understatement) (the most severe understatement) your art is always so stunning#when im home i must come back and add some good reaction photos !!!! THANJ YOU SNIFFLE YOU ARE TOO KIND )))))):#similar to the first time u visited my inbox …. if I ever spot a kofianywhere 🔎🔎🔎🔎🔎👁️!!
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there’s a horrible sickness in me that makes me want to stop and replay da:i whenever i start a different game. how am i supposed to resist the story of my own unwilling apotheosis? especially as lavellan, who doesn’t believe in the maker and who has every right to hate and mistrust the chantry but chooses to use what power they have to try save people, to fix what’s broken, no matter how afraid they are or how careful they have to be. walking side by side with the great trickster god/adversary of your people without knowing, befriending him, changing his mind about this world but ultimately not his choice. he understands what’s happening to you because it happened to him once and he gives you his castle, built over the place where he sundered the world, and paints your story there in frescos that will last long after you’re gone and after the story has been retold and reshaped so many times that the truth of who you are and what you did is lost—just as he did his own story, which was lost and perverted by war and propaganda, and he shows all of this to you knowing you’ll understand because you’ve lived through something similar, grown into something larger than yourself and your true name, and it doesn’t change anything but. he wanted you to see him just for a moment, even if he can’t tell you everything (or almost anything) and you can’t save him—because he owes it to you as a someone who is a friend, almost an equal, and because there’s no one else left who knows: a direct result of what he did to your people and which he now seeks to undo at the cost of this world.
#dragon age#solas#literally i am ILL#i love religious trauma and stifling hypocrisy and walking carefully so carefully through a place i don’t belong but i’ve chosen to be#and questioning everything and losing and discovering myself over and over#and accidentally becoming friends with my work colleagues#and most importantly dating an actual god who is just a nerdy little guy who keeps fucking everything up#he’s such a liar but he wants to badly to tell the truth but he can’t he won’t#yet he only really lies through omission and speaks carefully so as not to give himself away#ok and also he very much wanted the anchor and manipulated that whole situation#but he also shows you who he is and tells you a sliver of the truth#and he didn’t have to do that! but he chose to—he wants you to see him and on some level to save him from his path i think#also i debated sooo long about the phrasing ‘almost an equal’ because i think he does consider everyone as worthy of life & choice as him!#but ultimately he is making the decisions of a god whether or not he acknowledges himself as one#he is deciding for a whole world—so i think there’s some cognitive dissonance there#and i went with almost#i’m fr stalled out in the middle of bg3 like i miss solas i miss my work friends
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#PHEWWWW HI GANG#im writing this via tumblr web so bear with me but i hope everyone’s 2025 has started off well so far !!!!!! a lot has happened on my end#(the good and the bad but we are thugging it out!)#i’ve received very wholesome messages from my lovely moots which i’ve taken a sneak peek of and will be replying to when i get the time !!#anywho! i don’t know when i’ll be back on here bc my creative juices have been DRAINED so yeah :C i didn’t wanna leave completely so i#archived my acc for a bit while i sort things out :3 — my reason for doing so is mixed really. more on losing motivation and just basically#stuff to worry about irl BUUUUT i missed you all so much and me being here and making a post means its kinda getting better on my end so ya#prob not relevant but i’ll enable my asks again if anyone wants to leave anything so that i can come back to it again when i log on sjdnksj#also also i’ve been watching ‘the apothecary diaries’ s2 and its so amazing !! i also started ‘a sign of affection’ and let me tell you how#much i was kicking and rolling around my bed KSNDKSJ#gaming-wise i recently pulled for c0 arlecchino but lost her weapon to clorinde’s weapon 😭🙏🏼 but shes amazing and i love her gameplay sm!#AND AND OMG LADS.??. WELCOME BACK CALEBBBBBB OMGGG i havent done the main story yet but i’m excited !! i know ppl have mixed feelings over#him and his actions but hes so up my alley so ik im gonna be eating it up hehe. i did manage to pull for his standard 5 star which is#exciting too !!! anyway i want to try and get back into writing again because my mind has been brewing yet another heavy chrollo angst 😽#(i love putting my husband through grief)#or maybe i’ll start w finishing off a couple of loose ends from the fics i never finished 😭 (i’m so sorry)#welp that’s all from me !! i love u all <3
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I just found a draft of a WIP I totally forgot I was writing when I was a teenager and it is digging its claws into me
This book is really barely more than Strong Vibes but it had a character that was raised in a more intense and even more soulless version of the peacekeepers in Farscape, like military society, kids trained from basically birth, don’t know their families, but now with Even More Brainwashing and Creepy Cultlike Stuff.
Character doesn’t even have a name or permanent numerical designation, the absolutely only identifying thing they have is a chip in their wrist that is only readable by computers and is used when assigning missions. On every mission you get a different designation number or code name. They are stripped SO completely of any sense of identity.
Character never been on a planet, never even was taught about planets in schooling or taught what a family is or anything even academically. Has no concept of gender because reproduction is completely done in a lab and no biology of any type is ever taught to the grunt soldiers.
Additionally: never heard music.
Turns out they are an absolute musical prodigy the SECOND they are introduced to music
Like off the charts August rush nonsense.
Then proceeds to have crisis after crisis about that because if I wasn’t taught this then it must be heresy, but how could anything so perfect and beautiful not be from god
#I’m certainly not going to finish writing this book but by god I wish someone would#I want to read this story#Vi isn’t even like the main character it’s very much an ensemble cast#but man that whole story line is GRIPPING me#I want to know how their life progresses#also actually READING the draft itself is so painful my teenage writing was SO BAD#but like I remember what I was picturing and conceptualizing at the time and that hypothetical scene is what I get playing in my head#despite the very cringe writing#it’s the Vibes man#there are SO MANY VIBES#I have a lot of visual sets and musical pieces and emotional beats flowing in my head about it#not a lot of words#why am I a writer#like literally fr fr why did writing become my main art form that I’m freaking compelled to do#when 98% of my ideas are visual and music#and I have no idea how to translate that to words#I started writing before I could physically WRITE.#I made little books when I was like 2 and 3 of pictures I cut out of magazines and pasted into paper and stapled together#in some order that my toddler brain understood to be a narrative#like literally why did I gravitate to writing books when words are my least skillful area#maybe because making a tv series is what I’m designed for but don’t have the budget for lol 😂#probably why exodus terminal is my longest running and most likely to be completed project#I’ve written close to a million words in Exodus (most of them not linearly connected)#whereas my MOST completed other work was 50k#most books I’ve started get something like 3k-10k total words#spread over like 5-20 disconnected scenes#before I lose motivation#writing a book series paced like a tv series is really where I’m finally getting traction#also building the exodus terminal video game is getting those Visual Art energies out of my body when I don’t have Word Energy
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I don’t know if anyone else has thought about it, but I think the first time Sasha and Milla met would have gone terribly. Because if you imagine what it’s like meeting them for the first then you think of both of their backgrounds? They would be afraid of each other.
A fire survivor paired up with someone who smells of (cigarette) smoke? With someone who smells like death?
Someone with complicated mother-related issues being paired with a cheerful, outwardly affectionate girl? With someone who’s calling everyone “dear, darling, sweetie, honey, baby”?
They could have that “love at first sight” trope where they meet for the first time and get butterflies in their stomach. But the butterflies are on fire, and screaming, and chewing through their skin because it’s trauma-induced anxiety.
And they smile through their teeth trying to get through the interaction. But then he gets her name wrong, and her heart skips a beat and she has to tuck a suddenly levitating piece of hair behind her ear and they find the other endearing to the point that they can’t bring each other to hold this pain against them. They both intimately understand it’s purely them, and not the other person’s fault.
And over time they spend more and more time together and those butterflies begin to still. Brutal, breath stealing smoke starts to feel more like a gentle hearth you’d crawl next to. Oppressive, maniacal smiles more closely resemble the small grin you’d have when you listen to a song for the first time you know you’ll play over and over again. And then one day neither one of them don’t feel any of that anxiety at all, and they start to realize after that feeling goes away that they might be in love with each other.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#milla vodello#sasha nein#I guess it would be like emotional enemies to lovers?#I know the obvious of “Milla reminds Sasha of his mom”#but I don’t see much of “Milla would be able to immediately smell the cigarette smoke and instantly become uncomfortable or get triggered”#they’re honestly each other’s greatest fear personified#but I like the idea that they have an inverse of “love at first sight” and their love story would more closely be similar to-#-a “falling out of love” story where you lose your initial feelings#but their associations with their traumas get realigned with something positive(each other)#that personally feels really sweet to me#sashamilla#nearly forgot that tag
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