#I really do prefer being out of the spotlight and in my own lil corner thankyou

[firespirited]

Your post about America being a dictatorship is so fucking stupid. What a moronic privileged fucking stupid bitch you. You know what its actually like to kive in a dictatorship? You cant simply freely vote the dictator out. Trump was a shitstain on humanity, but he was not a dictator. He was absolutely USELESS and yet people still voted for him. He’s probably the President americans actually deserve, but the rest of the world doesnt deserve that pain. America helped install dictators that DESTROYED other countries and cost millions their kivelihoods or lives. And you? Some retard bitch call the USA a dictatorship so you can wank off about America toppling a dictatorship? Fucking bitch, i should curb stomp your dumb ass.

Hi, you are person n°256 to comment on the colourful use of “dictator” instead of foiled dictator, dictator in progress or dictator wannabe in a post I made for my 30 odd american mutuals who have risked their health this year caring for others, fighting to survive and then carefully finding ways to vote. People who I respect very much.

To you and the others who object to the semantics: PLEASE DON’T JINX THIS. The only reason the man didn’t win his vanity election is because the plan to sabotage the mail was discovered and stopped. Until January he holds the supreme court, many lower courts; loyal senators, congressmen and governors; police unions, ICE, Eric Prince’s private militia, heavily armed far right militias and he could always make a deal with some generals or foreign powers. Dictatorship is at his fingertips if he weren’t a minimal effort guy surrounded by not very smart folks.

Next time you send an angry ask and want to keep the upper hand, don’t show your true colours with references like curb stomp, you either got that from chan culture or the ones who only like that one scene from American History X.

Please learn to block people who make you mad and dismiss annoying posts. we’re all holding on to our sanity by a thread these days.

~ Saf

[rodeoxqueen]

DEVIL MAY GRIND

(I)- Can You Touch This? 

Dante/ AMAB! Reader

Series Summary:  From a surprise rendezvous to a male strip club on your birthday to a private dance, you end up seeing eye-to-eye rather than eye-to-groin with a cowboy stripper named Dante Sparda.

Work Summary: A shy and short homebody celebrating your birthday with friends, you end up somewhere you’d never expect: a male strip club. And what you’d also never expect is a certain red-devil/cowboy stripper to lay his special treatment on you.

Tags/Warnings:18+, AMAB! Reader, Stripper!AU, Minors Do Not Try It, Wholesome Filth

Rodeo’s Two-Pieces: And after months, Rodeo presents the male version of this soon-to-be filth. *tilts cowboy hat over eyes and leans in seat*

You were never one for large crowds, alcohol, loud music, and nudity. So what a mess you were in, your friends dragging you into a strip club.

It wasn’t your fault, they promised you were all going for a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant. No loud noises, no crowds, and especially, you didn’t even know why you had to specify, no naked guys! That’s what happened at first. You went and blew out your candles on your cake at a nice place, but then things got weird. Your friends had got you thoughtful gifts, except one of them who promised to give it to you after another “surprise.”

They practically herded you to their car, blindfolding and ear-muffing you while giggling. After driving in some unfamiliar directions, you were pulled into a strange building.

So when you couldn’t hear your thoughts due to the overbearing bass in the room you were in, you realized you should’ve known better. The blindfold and earmuffs were taken off and you opened your eyes to a neon-lit room with the most hard-cut abs right in your face.

“A strip club?! W-why would you think I’d want to go to a strip club?”

“Okay, first of all (Y/N). It’s a male strip club. Second, come on! I know you want to touch some diamond abs!” One of your friends exclaimed as they threw bills at one very tan and very oiled-up man named Diego. The box from before landed on your lap, and you unwrapped it to find a giant stack of dollar bills.

“Now stuff them bills down some hottie’s pants!”

The orange thong-wearing male with the most defined quads you had ever glanced at winked at your friend and opted to dance on someone else. Clutching your drink, you swallowed thickly as other males who went to the gym every other hour thrust their hips proactively at you.

Your friends had called ahead and bought the lot of you a table to the stage, much to your chagrin.

Luckily, your ability to disappear in a room, with your meek personality and small stature, came in handy in these situations. The tall and buff guys your friends screamed over seemed to prefer the company of the more extroverted and thirsty. While other tables farther from the stage had easy contact with the not-themed strippers, you were all confronted with the stage floor dancers.

“My god, how many themes do these guys dress in?” You squeaked as an entertainer dressed like James Bond (minus the clothes except for the bowtie and gun holster) ground on the stage floor.

“Not enough! Now make it rain, (Y/N).” Another friend demanded as she took another shot.

You made a noise as your hand was forcibly placed onto an eight-pack. You quickly threw a wad of bills at the man and ran off to the bar.

“I gotta go!” You panicked, speed-walking to the bar in your favorite pair of dressy sneakers. Stomach quivering, you put a few bills down and asked for a stronger drink. Maybe you could pass out on the table and your friends would feel bad and take you home.

You sighed as you watched your friends have the time of their lives, although they noted your absence.

“First time?” The bartender asked, sliding your fruity drink to you. You fiddled with the napkin. A woman posed in the corner with the logo “Devil May Cry” to the side of her, all lined in neon pink.

“Oh!... Yeah, it is.” You mumbled shyly. You blushed at his blue-eyed stare. Luckily, he wore a collared white shirt so you could look at him without bleeding out of your nose. He was very handsome, with rugged features and slight facial hair. His stark white hair shined even in the dim lighting.

“Ah, could tell. Watched you get dragged in here.” He chuckled.

“I-I was tricked, first of all!” You exclaimed, tucking some hair behind your ear.

“It’s alright. Your next rounds on me if you stay a lil longer.” He winked, wiping a glass. A few other people came and went, requesting all sorts of raunchy-titled drinks. Despite that, he leaned on the table where you sat, making idle conversation.

“I’m Dante.”

“Nice to meet you, Dante. I’m (Y/N).” You impulsively stuck your hand out to shake and stilled at his strong and warm grip.

He whistled.

“Nice name for a nice man. It’s your birthday right?” You nodded.

“What did you wish for?”

“Peace and quiet.” He laughed at that, gesturing to your friends who screamed and clapped at a dark-skinned stripper who ripped off his pants.

“With those friends?” He chuckled.

“They’re a lot more restrained. This is an exception.” You whined.

The conversation grew longer. You learned that Dante worked here with his twin brother Vergil. He loved pizza and strawberry ice cream, along with nice motorcycles. A total manly man, if you asked yourself.

You found a safe space talking to him since you didn’t have to look at nude guys with your back turned.

You were hoping to talk the night away until a similarly white-haired male with a serious glare rounded the corner.

Swiping back a few stray hairs, the esteemed brother Vergil knocked the smile off his twin’s face.

“You fool! Your shift has been over for some time now.” He snapped. Dante rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, this is old douchebag.” You giggled at his comment, quickly stopping when meeting eyes with the frigid twin.

“Have you been speaking ill of me? I will-” Dante threw a towel at his brother’s face before leaving the bartending station. By leaving, he jumped over the counter.

“Hey, (Y/N), nice talking to you. I’ll see you later.” The white-haired man left to the employee’s room.

“Alright-” You muttered. You’d sit, but Vergil’s cold glare prompted you to leave and rejoin your friends.

“Where were you? Chatting up the bartender?”

“Look at you. Being social in a strip club.” They teased.

After a few more dancers, you couldn’t help but miss the blue-eyed bartender with his quips and casual flirtiness.

Suddenly, the music and lights went off. The crowd stirred. Your friend grabbed your arm.

“Oh boy, they’re gonna need a mop after this.”

“Ew!” You cried out. Your friends sang that one horribly sexual song from the radio. Something about parking a truck in a garage and about wet-

A shirtless DJ grabbed the mic.

“And now, for our next entertainer, we have the Legendary Lady Killer. Hold onto your panties and your wedding rings, you’re all in for the ride of your life.”

The lights were turned back on from back to front. On stage, stood a muscular man with a cowboy hat and shawl. His legs were perfectly framed by black leather chaps and boots. You turned as red as his shawl as you could see his formidable bulge from yards across.

His spurs clinked on the floor as people began to cheer at his physique. Your jaw dropped in shock.

White hair.

“Ladies and gents, I got some questions for y’all.” He drawled, lowering his hat.

“Yes! I’m single!” Someone yelled from the back. He chuckled as others screamed with agreement.

“That’s nice ma’am. But really, I got three questions.” He made his way down the stage, his shadow covering your table.

He palmed his chest and abs, showing white chest hairs and slicked-down muscles.

“Can you touch this?” Everyone screamed for yes. He tutted.

“No, no, no.” He waggled his finger. He spun and exposed his lush tush. He was packing it front and back and you blushed while putting your face in your hands.

His hands groped his butt. Even with his giant hands, he still had more ass to spare.

“Can you touch this?” The screams grew louder. He waggled his finger again, wiggling his butt.

“No, no, no.” The crowd awed. He turned back around, a cocky grin on his face.

“Now,” He pointed to the crowd.

His palms groped the leather that concealed his huge package.

“Can you touch this?” Your friend threw a wad of cash at him, hitting him in the nipple. He stood unflinching.

“No, no, no.” He drew out each word.

“These are my laws.” Putting his hands on his hips, he rocked left to right, clicking his spurs.

“But I see a hell of a lot of lawbreakers here tonight.”

He shifted to walk around the chair placed behind him. He sat on it backward, legs spread to place his groin in the spotlight.

“And I don’t see a cop in sight.” He pointed at the DJ.

“Hit it!” Music blaring, he did his number. And boy, was the DJ right to warn you. Dante practically made sweet love to the chair, flipping his head back.

Hips circling and then pistoning the air, sweat trailed down his pecs.

You ended up throwing a few bills, hoping to avoid eye contact. It failed as he slid to his knees to the edge of the stage and crawled off the ledge onto your table. Like a preying tiger, he made his way over to you.

Thank god you had health insurance, your blood pressure was going off the charts.

Your friends lost their heads, throwing bills and screaming like banshees. But he wasn’t interested in them. His eyes preyed after your own, baby blues on an absolute beast.

“Wanna save a horse and ride a cowboy, handsome?” He purred as he traced your jaw. Your skin jumped as you internally imploded. This was was too sensual and people were watching, for goodness sake!

“(Y/N), if you don’t agree I will cancel your Barnes and Noble membership.” Your friend threatened.

“Come on, spare this outlaw some sugar?” You didn’t have a moment to think. Dante threw his hat on your head and carried you onto the table and to the stage.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” You shrieked.

He ran hot. So hot. Your skin burned at contact with him, pressed up against his chest as he stood you in front of the chair he practically humped.

“Take a seat, sir.” You blushed at his sensual persona, not sure where the kind bartender and the suave cowboy started and ended.

Obediently, you turned the chair around and sat with your ankles crossed. Dante tutted in disapproval.

His hands lingered by your legs.

“May I?” He asked. You shook your head slowly, feeling his callused hands on your thighs. He firmly spread your legs and stood over you on the chair.

As if that wasn’t enough, his arm muscles bulged and twitched as he ripped off his leather chaps. He ripped the chaps. There were no zippers or velcro straps. That was all him!

Your face a hair’s width from his abs, he gently took your hands and traced his pecs with them. He growled and winked at you.

Despite the one-in-a-million situation you were in, you shrank at the many peering eyes of the other women and bar patrons. Your anxiety was seen by Dante, who tilted your head up.

“Hey, it’s alright. Just focus on me. If you’re nervous, just give me a purple nurple or something, alright?” You laughed at his idea of a safe word and nodded.

“Okay, Dante.”

And like that, it was like you pulled a trigger. Dante grinded on your form and explored his peak-conditioned skin with your own hands.

You gasped as he led your hands down his front to his leather shorts. You couldn’t stop looking with widened eyes at his crotch. You had read erotica before, describing the male member in the throes of passion, yet this was the first time you had been this close to anything like those erotic novels.

It was obscene! Why did it seem to get larger? How was he allowed to carry that thing around without a license?!

“Hey, eyes up here.” He teased as you snapped your head up.

“O-oh! Sorry.” You whispered. Your blood had rushed to your head and you had grown deaf to your friends’ yells of validation.

“Grab him by the buns!” One of your friends yelled. Dante turned around to make eye contact with her.

With a grin, he slid your hands to the back. What he didn’t expect was you to squeeze.

“Whoa now, kitty.” He purred. You gave a watery smile.

Suddenly, a water bottle was thrown at his head. With lightning reflexes, he caught it after it bounced off of him.

“Hey! Stage times’ over, you fucking show pony.” A short-haired woman with mismatching eyes called out. Dante scoffed.

“Just givin’ a nice gentleman some lovin’.” He argued.

“No, get off the stage, Dante.”

“Five more minutes?”

“NOW.” He sighed. Getting off of your lap, he kissed your hand that was resting on his thigh. Lord, if you died right now, that’d be fine.

“Glad to have this dance.” He flirted.

“Y-you too.” Taking your hand, he took you for another surprise and swept you off your feet. You squeaked as he handed you to another dancer on the ground. The club-goers cheered as dancers arrived, dressed like businessmen with briefcases.

You were promptly seated, head dizzy from everything that just happened. You watched as he took his leave as if he didn’t just cause you to get feverish from how hot he was. Your friend hugged you.

“Nice work! You were so lucky!” Another friend plucked the hat off your head.

“Ah! He left his hat!” You exclaimed as you took it from her hands.

“A souvenir.”

For the rest of the night, you held onto the hat and traced the red stitching. You never saw Dante for the rest of the night, his brother in charge of the bar service.

Finally, before the last round of dancers, you were tapped on the shoulder. You found yourself staring into much harsher blue eyes.

One of your friends threw money at him, which he growled at.

“I am not an entertainer. Well, not right now.” He explained. He handed you a drink with a napkin on the bottom.

“My buffoon of a brother said to keep the hat. Although, I’m not sure why you would.”

“I-”

“The drink is on the house. Good evening with you all.”

He walked off, and you took your drink. You realized it was the same one you ordered when you got to the bar.

“Hey dude, take a look.” A well-manicured nail pointed to the napkin. You saw in red pen an arrow pointed to the folded corner.

You shakily opened it to reveal a series of numbers and words, along with a card that flitted onto the table.

Tonight was fun, wanna do it again? The card’s for a private dance, just call and ask for Dante Sparda. No crowds, only you and me. No Lady barking up my tree for appreciating beauty either - DS

A little heart with an arrow through its center was scrawled in a corner. You picked up the laminated card and saw it was for a free private dance. Your heart beat out of your chest.

Your friends laughed as you immediately stuck it in your pocket, along with the note. The club closed and you were all ushered out. The night was pitch black when you emerged from the debauchery that was the Devil May Cry strip club.

As your other wasted companions were stuffed into the car, you sat shotgun to the sober and designated driver.

You were silent the car ride home, laying your head against the window. You thought about that white-haired flirt’s remarks and how gentle he was to you.

Waving and embracing your wonderful friends, you left for your apartment with all your gifts. However, the little slips of paper in your pocket weighed the heaviest on your mind.

With your keys in your hand, you climbed up the stairs home.

After closing the door, you slid down the wall and let out a pleased sigh.

“Best birthday ever!” You said to no one in particular. 

[mrsbhandari]

Shutter - Part 1

a/n: HI penny here!! so i’ve been writing a lil sumn sumn for @lxdy-starfury‘s wonderful modern blades au, and as i am nearing 7000 words (and am not nearly finished, whew), my lovely best friend told me that it would be good to start posting it piece by piece. so i hereby present part 1 of this au!! it’s not exactly like her manyyyyy AMAZING detailed hc for modern!tyril, this fic is heavily inspired by her hc and GORGEOUS artworks. i hope you enjoy it!!

warnings: none!!

word count: 2k.

summary: It begins with a photo shoot and an interview.

Tagging @anotherbeingsworld ❤❤

#

“You shouldn’t be excited for this.”

“You have a shoot with a hot billionaire, and I have the privilege of going along and meeting him?!” Nia squealed, nearly spilling her coffee onto the sidewalk. 

“He’s going to end up being a pompous ass.” Naexi took a sip of her own coffee, savoring the bitterness of it and cradling it close to her body to ward away the cold. “They always are.”

“You’re too cynical. I mean listen to how he sounds in this interview!” From her bag, Nia whips out a recent copy of Forbes, flipping it open to a page marked with a pastel post-it note.

“You have his interview tabbed?” she asked, but Nia had already begun reading.

“‘I believe there is no secret to success. Everything needed for success is provided given you use the tools to your advantage. I would not have gotten as far as I have today without my drive to help those in need-’”

Naexi straightened her back and deepened her voice, mocking the billionaire. “However, my daddy’s money also definitely helped. ‘Tis unfortunate that no one is born with my trust fund, hm?” Nia let loose a few giggles and turned her attention to the next page, which featured Tyril standing in gray slacks and a black sweater, hands in his pockets in an effortlessly casual pose. He had long hair that was tied back, some front pieces falling over the frames of his glasses. Barely sparing a glance at the page, Naexi rolled her eyes. “You’re too obsessed with him.”

“Who isn’t?”

“Me.” They finally reached the small New York townhouse being used for the shoot. Letting Nia walk first through the doors, Naexi drank the rest of her coffee and tossed it into a bin outside the building before following her friend inside.

#

Tyril shifted in his fancy shoes, nervously taking his hands out of his pockets and putting them back in. It was early in the morning, around six, but he felt wide awake. He was always nervous for these sorts of things; getting his picture taken, people prying into his private life. Yet, he still had to put on an air of normalcy and professionalism. He couldn’t help but feel like he was in the way, since he arrived thirty minutes before he was supposed to. 

“The photographer’s here, so we’re close to starting.” Tyril jumped as a makeup artist gently led him to a chair and began breaking out her tools. 

“You ready, Ty?” 

“Only if you stop calling me that, Immy.” Tyril locked eyes with Imtura, his security detail, in the mirror. She was scowling, but he knew there was no real malice behind it. “I’m...ready as I’ll ever be for these things.” He fished his phone out of his pocket and checked his emails for what seemed to be the hundredth time that morning. He was so engrossed that he didn’t hear the frantic whispers of two girls close by to the chair until Imtura spoke.

“Sorry, ladies, but who are you?”

“The photographer, and this is my assistant for the shoot.” A tall girl approached the chair and gestured to her friend, who was bright red and looking at Tyril with wide eyes. Putting on a polite smile, he gave a nod to Imtura and focused on them both. 

“Hello.”

“Wow, it’s really you! I mean, of course it’s you, I just didn’t expect you to be so...real! Do you know what I mean?” The assistant rambled, looking expectantly at Tyril. 

“I...can’t say I do. I apologize.” He glanced towards the photographer, who seemed to be studying him with a bored expression. She didn’t stop when he locked eyes with her, and he couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable under her gaze. “It’s nice meeting you both.” He leaned forward slightly in his chair, hoping they understood his hint.

“Oh! I’m Nia, Nia Ellarious. This is Naexi Carsys.” The photographer gave a small wave before walking away to the large sheet of paper he was supposed to be photographed in front of. “She’s...mysterious,” Nia explained. 

“It’s quite alright, you can say she doesn’t like me.” Tyril’s lips turned up ever so slightly, his eyes following Naexi’s form as she set up her camera and helped move the chair into the frame. She was pretty in an effortless way, as cliche as it sounds. Her eyebrows furrowed as she fiddled with her camera, mouth set in a tight line as she took a few trial shots and messed with the settings after each one. Nia silently watched how the gears in his head seemed to turn as he looked at her, akin to someone looking for a specific piece to a puzzle. 

#

“For starters, just sit normally in the chair, to make sure the settings and lights are right for you,” Naexi instructed, looking through the viewfinder and humming at what she saw. Tyril sat stiffly, unsure of what to do with his hands or his face. 

“Like this?” He placed his hands on his knees and offered a boring face to the camera.

“Yeah…” she replied, distracted by turning and pressing little knobs and buttons on her instrument. He found himself watching her fingers and a fleeting thought of how soft her hands looked was pushed out of his brain as quickly as it had come. “Okay, loosen up a little.” Tyril glanced down at his body in confusion. 

“How so?” His shoulders were tense and his lips were pursed, the exact opposite of what she wanted from him. 

“What do you mean, just…” She let the camera fall against her chest and made a show of holding her arm up and dropping it. “Loose.”

“I--” He peered at everyone watching him and then back at Naexi, who cocked her head and raised her eyebrows. Without a word, she pulled up another chair and sat next to him. 

“I know you’ve done photoshoots before, but did Forbes not tell you to loosen up a little?” He shook his head. “Okay, guess it’s up to me then.” He tried not to flush at her obvious exasperation with him. 

“I apologize, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to having my picture taken. I much prefer to be behind the scenes.” 

“Too bad you’re the face of the company. Now, look at how you’re sitting.” She gestured to his shoulders and posture, tense and rigid. “Don’t slouch, but let out some of that tension. Lean back in the chair.” She copied him, then laid back onto the chair, draping her hands in her lap. He imitated her, earning a small nod of approval. “There you go. Now, as I take pictures, make small adjustments to where your hands are, where your feet are, things like that. Don’t be afraid to move around.”

“Yes, thank you.” She stood and removed the chair and Tyril found himself at an odd loss. He suddenly noticed that there was an absence in the air next to him, no longer occupied by the smell of her lotion or the gentle swishing of her baggy pants. His heart had soared when she had given him that little ounce of praise and now, he found himself desperate for her to repeat that for him, but he didn’t know why. It bothered him to no end.

“Lean forward and clasp your hands for me.” He leaned forward and clasped his hands. “Good.” The corners of his mouth turned up. 

#

“Mr. Starfury, you’ve certainly been making waves for yourself in many spheres.”

“Please, call me Tyril. And...I suppose. My family certainly does have their dealings in many different games, to put it lightly.”

“Yes, your family has a range spanning across so many different industries. Where exactly do you fit in?"

"Well, I run most of my family's research facilities, focusing on scientific research into soil acidity and agriculture."

"Don't worry, we didn't only bring you here to talk business. A lot of people know you as somewhat of a fashion icon. To what do you attribute your style?"

Tyril let out a laugh, polite and respectful and just the right volume. "I like to look professional, but I would have to shine a spotlight on the numerous stylists my father has employed, ever intent on ensuring I uphold my air of authority through my attire. I'd be an utter mess without them." 

"What's an embarrassing moment for you?" 

Tyril blinked at the sudden switch of subjects. "Well, one time during a presentation, I tripped on a wire onstage in front of hundreds of people. I fell flat on my face, and even broke my glasses. It was the most humiliating moment of my life."

"Wow, that's so….human." 

"It happens to all of us, I believe. People like to forget that those they put on a pedestal can still fall."

"You're a very private person, as well."

"I am."

"Have you heard some of the rumors surrounding you?" 

"I've heard that I grew up in a cult, that I'm secretly a vampire… Each one I've heard is more interesting than the last." He waved his hand dismissively and laughed again. “My favorite is that I’m secretly an elf.”

“Do you just let them roll off your back?”

“What else can I do, really? Plus, they’re not particularly harmful. It’s better for me to focus on running the company rather than any publicity I have.”

“Let’s switch gears a little bit. You’re a man of high education, correct?”

“I suppose...I went to Oxford and have a PhD in physics.”

“And you’re twenty-five?”

Tyril smiles, knowing where this was going. “Yes, I am.”

“If you don’t mind me being so vague, how exactly do you do it? Getting such a high degree so young and then running a company on top of it...must’ve been difficult.”

Tyril stopped for a second. “Coffee. Lots of coffee. I also have many helpers who the company would fall apart without.” He stopped again, seemingly to carefully craft his next words on his tongue. “I won’t lie and say that it was easy, however I also won’t say that it was as difficult as it could’ve been. I had the best tutors and a lot of money from my family to help open doors that others couldn’t find the key for, which is why I try and give back as much as I can to those less fortunate than I.”

“Is that the main focus of your research facilities?”

“Yes, we focus on testing soil in areas hit by devastation across the world. Our main goal is to provide relief for those unable to rely on the very ground on which they stand. Many of these areas use farming as their main source of food, water, and money, so when disasters, natural or otherwise, occur, it can be truly catastrophic to these small communities. We call it the Undermount Project.” 

“How philanthropic of you.”

Tyril waved a hand again. “I could always be doing more, and I try to as much as I can.”

“And for the final question that everyone is dying to know...are you single?”

Tyril froze. “I...unfortunately don’t have time for love. So, yes, I am, uh, single.”

“Well, that concludes it! Naexi, did you get some good shots?” The interviewer stood and clapped his hands, retrieving the microphone from Tyril’s shirt. 

“When he wasn’t nervously glancing at the camera, yeah.” She flipped through the camera, missing the flush that entered Tyril’s cheeks. He never considered himself a person to impress others, yet…

Why does he feel the need to impress her?

[ivyjlopez]

October 9, 2020, 8:19pm Q&A 101

Eight days before my birthday as of this writing. I’m actually having second thoughts if I should do a blog or a vlog. But, I do like writing and releasing my thoughts through words rather than speaking up. So, as I’m about to enter another year and continue to be an adult I’d like to start doing things I’ve wished I’ve done earlier. I do not intend to have plenty of followers in any social media platforms, the only goal is to write, encourage and lead people closer to Christ through my writings and to release the thoughts I have in my head for quite some time. Yes, I’ve always been telling people that I am an introverted gal and even so, that doesn’t mean I cannot share the gospel having this personality. Introversion is not a disease and if you know you’re one of the “introverted peeps” and is frightened to share the word by speaking up or encouraging people then share it the introverted way. You go, gal! The Lord got your back.  ;)

To begin this blogging journey, I’ve let some of my friends ask me certain questions about anything that they’d like to ask. Disclaimer, those that you’re about to read below are just based on my thoughts and opinions, and I’ve used some verses from the scriptures and will be using ‘em in my future blogs, if you’re actually opposed or you want to correct anything, feel free. So, here you go…

Question #1

Who are you?

I chose to answer this one first as a way of introducing myself a lil’ bit. So, most of my colleagues knew me as someone who’s meek, timid and quiet. But for those who are actually close to me would somehow oppose (lols). People would usually talk to me and seek advice as if I am a pro (lols kidding aside). I think it’s just that they consider me as someone worthy enough to be trusted sharing their deepest darkest secrets since I usually prefer to listen to someone’s rants and let the person do the talking cause sometimes that’s only what a person needs. Someone who’s willing to listen. I am literally not the type who does the first approach and most of the time would tag as “snobbish”. (Maybe I wasn’t really snobbish, I just didn’t see you due to my 300/400 vision. Haha.). I would definitely describe myself as someone who loves and values solitude, spends my spare time resting, reflecting, reading either at home or outdoors. I prefer to be in a small group of friends than being surrounded by the crowd. I am someone who doesn’t like the spotlight, I’d prefer to stay lowkey and not let everyone know what my next steps are. 

P.S. I might be one of the most picky person you’ll ever meet. Lols.

Question #2

Where do you want to go?

If this question pertains to travelling, I prefer land over water activities (just to add the fact that I don’t know how to swim that’s the main reason I dislike water activities). Nothing specific, it could be both local or international, I’d like to roam around places just to pass by a well-known spot and attractions, watch and appreciate the beauty of nature and sceneries, read books if possible (sort of boring to some but I’m just simply happy with this kind of thing).

Just to add up though, one of the unforgettable trips I did a year ago was at Puerto Princesa. To cut the story short it was supposedly for a two person trip turned to trio friends down to the first ever solo trip (sighs). It was my first time to be at the airport, first time to ride a plane, first time to go somewhere I’ve never been, first time to plan my own itinerary Onset (lols). Am I lonely during my whole stay? Definitely not (remember solitude is my forte) I was kinda nervous at first but it was suddenly replaced by excitement. I’ve met new people along the trip, my eyes were able to capture beautiful sceneries, I was able to eat and enjoy my breakfast without rushing. I didn’t do much activities on those days but my heart and soul was truly grateful and joyful. And it made me even realized, I am indeed capable of doing things on my own, going to a certain place on my own and just being on my own. Do not equate being alone to being lonely. I was planning to go back this year however, this isn’t the best time yet. Looking forward to visiting that place again and to more other places and countries soon.

But at the end of the day, as some would say, “there’s no place like home” - I will always end up with my comfort place which is, home. (But more than the home I have here on earth, I’m also one of those people who looks forward to coming home with the One who created humanity.)

Question #3

Is it really painful to be left behind?

Without a single thought - Yes. 

If it is for someone who passed away, the grief that anyone feels couldn’t be covered up by any comforting words even by the wisest person you knew. Just let the person grieve for now and do its work then healing will follow. Pray for that person too.

If it is for those who left in order to move out or pursue a career it would also be painful for those family members and close friends to see you go. But as for me, if you are in faith and I see you brave enough to explore the unknown, you will always have my support. It’ll be sad for a while. But we have to remember that sometimes letting a person go is also a way of showing our love and support. Let the person grow on his/her own.

Breakup - unquestionably painful. Why? Imagine not talking to the person you thought you’d end up marrying? Those plans you guys made will now be redirected to a different person. Same thing with losing a loved one because of death, this too needs a grieving phase. Cry as much as you want then stand up again. At the end of the day, you’ll just laugh it off (swear) forgiveness and acceptance will be your last destination.

Question #4

Lessons after the breakup

A lot actually (this might consume the entire space lols).

First, your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on a certain person.

Second, never allow yourself to be an option, you deserve to be a priority too.

Third, having the same personality doesn’t guarantee long-term commitment.

Fourth, never let a day pass by without fixing your arguments.

Fifth, communicate and choose to understand.

Sixth, shares the same faith and beliefs (it should always be a Christ-centered relationship).

Seventh, be consistent while both of you are still a work in-progress.

Eight, be honest. I’d prefer someone who tells the truth and does not sugar-coat.

Ninth, choose the people you’re hanging out with and/or seeking help or advise. Not everyone you call a friend is indeed a genuine friend. (It is written in 1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals”)

Tenth, choose to forgive always, everybody deserves to be forgiven. Acceptance will always be around the corner once you’ve gone through the right stages of moving on. 

(I’ll be cutting it off right here cause there’s quite a lot that I’d like to write. Haha. I might write a separate blog for this. Stay tuned. Lols)

Question #5

How to stay positive in life? 

We can’t stay positive all the time. Even the strongest and the most optimistic person that you know will have his/her own downcasted moments and that is okay. Coming from someone who actually thinks negatively this question is kinda tough to answer (haha) but as for me, do not let negative thoughts overwhelm you to the point that it is already consuming you. Sometimes those thoughts are all in the mind and you’re just giving yourself a reason to create a problem that does not even exist. Surround yourself with people who will inspire and motivate you to do better, unfollow pages in social media that will trigger your anxiety, disconnect from people that are not helping you grow, stop looking up to idols and conforming to the pattern of this world, break the bad habits that you always knew you needed to stop doing. Keep it a habit to continually pray, always look up to God’s word prior seeking advice to your closest friends or bursting it all out in social media. If you are to seek counselling, ensure that it is from someone who will not tolerate you doing evil deeds. Read self-help books, open your bible, don't let the dust embrace it. Listen to calm music, it’ll help. Remember that you are loved and blessed. (Philippians 4: 6-7) 

(Thank you for your questions Jonnabae, Angge, Dani and Adreng) I’ll be posting the rest of the other questions and my response of course next week. :)

[nastybuckybarnes]

Stuck in the Shadows

Pairing: Peter Parker X Enhanced!Reader, Platonic!Loki x Reader

Summary: You’ve always been an outcast. Always stuck in your twin sister Holly’s shadow. And one day, a close friend gets fed up with the way you’re treated.

Warnings: Angst, lil bit of fluff,

Word Count: 1.5K

A/N: this is pretty much based off of my life and my relationship with my older sister (not a very good one). Enjoy❤️

~*~

Right from the moment you were old enough to comprehend what being cast out was, you knew that's exactly what was happening. Now it isn't exactly your parents fault, I mean they had twin girls, one with a very obvious mutation and the other with a more undetected mutation. You'd think they'd cast out the weirdly mutated one but no. It was you, the shy, quiet, omnikinetic that they ostracized.

Your sister's mutation made itself known when she was having a tantrum, no older than two. Sparks flew from her tiny fists and your parents were terrified yet ecstatic. They had an enhanced daughter!

Of course, word of her abilities got around. Bad people found out and came for her. You, being the protective younger twin, shoved her into the pantry, covering her body with yours as you watched through a keyhole.

People came, shot your father in the head without waiting for him to speak, then shot your mother in the chest, leaving her to bleed out on the living room rug.

Your sister's wails alerted the people and they found you quickly. Unable to tell which was which, they took both of you.

They figured both of you clearly had the mutated genes so it was only a matter of activating them in you. What they -and you- didn't know was that yours were already active.

It took you over a decade to realize you were with Hydra and almost another decade to escape, your older sister in tow.

The two of you lived on the streets for a while, you stealing from gas stations and convenience stores to get by.

An accidental slip of your focus and then you were on SHIELD's radar. Someone had caught a video of you moving things with your mind and it was trending.

It took less than a week for you and your sister to be tracked down, but you weren't going without a fight. Your sister, however, was a different story. She went willingly with Iron man and Captain America, leaving you in the dark alley on your own.

With no choice but to go with them, you kept your mouth shut while your sister chatted animatedly with a few of the Avengers. You sat alone in the corner, focusing on keeping your mind guarded from the other enhanced female in the jet.

It's been four months since then. You and your sister are living in the Avengers tower, training everyday to become one of them.

You sit alone in the library, your favourite place to be. From here you can hardly hear the team gushing about how fantastic your sister is or how well she's doing in training. You can be at peace, in a world where no one is choosing your sister over you. Where no one is addressing you by Holly and instead using your name. Where people ask you what you want for dinner instead of just going with whatever she wants. Where people listen to you talk instead of brushing you off.

But that's only in the library. As soon as you step out of the quiet room you're greeted by people fawning over your sister.

So you stay surrounded by books most of the time, hardly leaving unless you absolutely need to. Or unless one of your very few friends asks you to. He's different than everyone else. A total nerd who's also used to being an outcast. The two of you connected instantly when Clint tried to diss Star Wars. But that's besides the point.

Today's book of choice is Romeo and Juliet. Sure it's older, but it's still a beautiful story with some clichés and some ridiculously cheesy parts.

'Romeo, O Romeo! Wherefore art tho, Romeo?' The soft sound of fabric moving pulls you from your reading and you look up, offering the person a weak smile.

“What're you doing in here alone?" Loki asks softly, sitting on the couch beside you.

"Avoiding my family," you whisper. He chuckles and nods, knowing all too well what that's like. "Loki... how did you cope with constantly being in Thor's shadow?" He exhales deeply and scratches his head.

“I learned magic, murdered an entire race, then tried to overthrow the throne multiple times." You giggle quietly then sigh. "Everyone loves her so much. It's hard because I've always been so quiet because that's how I've kept us safe. And now she's... stolen the spotlight. I want to fit in, I really do... but it's hard. I can't."

He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly. "I know it's difficult. But don't fret. It'll all work out." A few tears fall down your cheeks and you sniffle, closing your eyes and leaning against Loki's chest.

~*~

"Hey where's (Y/n)? She was supposed to meet Nat for training this morning. She's not in her room or the library," Holly says while walking into the common room. "Oh you noticed her absence? I'm surprised," a low silky voice says. "Excuse me?" Loki looks at your sister and then the other people in the room.

"Oh come on! You all must see how you cast her out! She tries to be included but you always push her away, you're always talking about the sister you prefer, which seems to not be (Y/n). None of you have taken any time to get to know her at all! Of you had, you'd know that she's a vegetarian, she hates horror movies, loves cheese Pizza, and is a sucker for classic romance novels." 

Everyone is quiet.

"You've all been so enthralled with Holly that you've forgotten about (Y/n)! The same (Y/n) who had to watch her parents get shot while protecting her sister!"

A small throat clear gets everyone's attention and they look to the elevator where you stand with Peter Parker, his cheeks rosy as your eyes fill with tears.

"Um (Y/n) was with me. We were talking about our favourite movies and then we decided to come ask if she could miss training to hang out with me today," he says softly.

Your sister looks at her feet and nods slowly before looking up at you, "if it makes her happy, yeah." You look over at Peter with a shy smile on your face and nod.

"I think I will. We're going over to his place-" "am I missing something?" Tony asks suddenly. You and Peter exchange glances.

“Well I've kind been going out with (Y/n) and hanging out with her all the time. But I guess you guys probably... didn't notice." Peter wraps his arm around you and pulls you back into the elevator as everyone else processes what in the Hell just happened.

~*~

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: Ship #9 - Victor Criss

Request: Alrighty I’ll have you ship me with whoever you think personally~ my hair is blonde and I’m short asl, but I also have a tattoo of a black rose on the side of my wrist. A lot of my friends tell me that I can always make them laugh with what I say or do and a lot of them will often come to me for advice or if they need to rant about something, which honestly just makes me feel even better as a person. I’m someone who will always stand by you if you’ve never done me dirty and need help. I do have a goofy side that only my closest friends see everyday, which is honestly sometimes just me as person. I think of myself as a fairly outgoing person and I’m never one to just stand in the corner of a party. Some things I need to work on are opening up to other people when talking about feelings and problems I have instead of just bottling them up. If there’s someone that I don’t like, I make it very clear and can be totally heartless towards them. I can also stress myself out easily and get overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. I’ve been through some shit, so I have a better understanding of other people’s hardships than most people. Being friends with me means that you always have someone to go to for laughs, but also someone who won’t sugar coat anything for you. Being in a relationship with me means you’ll actually have someone devoted to you and fun times, but you also gotta break down any walls built up. To put it into simpler terms, I’m a pretty chill person who goes with the flow but can get serious when it comes to something that’s important to me and I need to do. A couple of facts about me is that I want to be an elementary school teacher (I love kids so much, more than people my age tbh), I smoke the devils lettuce damn near hourly on a daily (fuck getting drunk, getting high is better), I love going to the beach, driving around downtown with friends, or just taking time to myself in my room to listen to music!

Always traces your rose tattoo absentmindedly when you cuddle/sit next to each other

Finds your transparency hot as hell, because he sees it as an indication of how honest you are 

So appreciates the shit out of it, even when you’re being a total icy bitch to someone he doesn’t even know (and learns to assume you have your reasons when he doesn’t understand why)

The guys gave you a designated seat in the Trans-Am because you drive around with them after school so often (like the trooper you are) 

You’re on the far left, behind Belch, with Victor in the middle between you and Patrick (very much on purpose)

Victor sometimes comes over to people’s houses to keep you company while you babysit (the ol’ “sneak in the boyfriend routine”)...

... and actually helps with the sitting of the baby, rather than expecting to fuck and/or sit and watch movies like some other teen delinquents we know 

But seriously - Victor is straight-up the daddy to your mommy whenever you guys watch kids together, and it’s truly one of the loveliest things ever

Tends to start off awkward at first (he’s very friendly with kids, but has a hard time talking to them in ways they understand since he can’t “dumb down” his language), but always ends up being their literal favorite person by the time the night is over (apart from you, of course)

Entirely because Criss makes funny faces like a pro, keeps the small ones entertained while you warm up dinner, and ties shoes singing the bunny ears song and everything 

I.e. He’s “the fun guy”

Also demonstrates an inside voice like nobody’s business, and slides a coaster under every drink (house rules = respected) 

Also steps up to do some of the disciplinary things when you can’t get a specific smol one to listen to you 

... and is low-key a toddler whisperer about it too

When he has to be the disciplinarian, Victor always just kneels down to the tiny kid’s eye-level (regardless of whether they’re screaming, crying, or otherwise), and casually starts talking to them as if they understand every adult word that’s coming out of his mouth

Which most of them couldn’t possibly do, because toddlers 

... But, from the moment they make eye contact with him, the majority of kids go completely serene and just stare at Victor like they do understand what he’s saying, and clean up their act right after he “discusses it” with them

The guy seriously somehow stops all tears/whining/unacceptable behavior just by being like “hey, that’s not cool dude, and here’s why”

It’s legitimately random to the point of being annoying, because there’s no reason getting children in line should be that easy for him (considering it’s insanely difficult for some people that actually have kids)

You insist that the lil’ buns are just reflecting Victor’s calm nature, but his smug smile will always indicate he low-key thinks he’s better at child-care than you

... Which you know isn’t true, but we’ll let him think what he wants to think

He finds it really endearing how well you get along with kids though, and thinks it’s adorable that you’re able to connect with them so easily

You’re the first person he’s ever been with who’s made him think, “She’ll be a really great Mom someday,” and that’s beautiful 

You make Victor smile in the moments when he truly gets down on himself

This is a pretty big deal, because he tends to feel the fuck out of things regardless of the emotion

It’s impossible for the majority of people to sway Victor’s mood at all when he’s upset, because it always settles over him so heavily...

... but you somehow do the trick.

Your goofy nature usually bounces off of him at first (he stays in his head, and doesn’t give much response to most of your humor for a while), but you always eventually say something that strikes a cord with him, and elicits a small smirk

... which eventually leads to a smile, which leads to a laugh, which ultimately leads to you talking out his issues with him and lifting his spirits

You’re seriously one of Criss’ main emotional outlets, and I wish I could shake your hand, cause’ that’s an honor 

This isn’t a one-way street, though - Victor does the same for you

He noticed early on (before you were even together) that you only tended to talk about positive things/ “surface level” information even after you had been hanging out with the guys for a long time

And to him (i.e. the group psychologist), that made it clear you were trying to keep your distance by not sharing your problems or talking about things that were really important to you

So he made a point of being there for you x1,000,000 when you officially got together 

Example: He knows you won’t bring up any of your issues unprompted, so Victor asks how your day is going at every given opportunity

Aka: he provides a chance for you to tell him something’s bugging you

He also jumps on it whenever you show any visible signs of being sad, and straight-up asks you to tell him what you’re feeling because real men aren’t afraid to talk about that jazz 

Even though it took time for you to get used to it (i.e. sharing your emotions), it’s now something that’s become a reflex for you

You’ve cried on Victor’s shoulder, shared your previous traumas, let him see you at the peak of rage, and he’s done the same with you; there’s nothing left to hide 

The two of you have seriously reached a point where you could tell one another anything on the spot

You’re each other’s permanent comfort and support - simple as that.

When one of you is feeling especially down though, or when you both just feel you’ve earned a break from life (i.e. after exams, or during spring/winter break), you and Victor have “intensive care” smoke sessions at his house

...Tastefully named “intensive care” smoke sessions by the both of you

This basically means hot-boxing Victor’s room all day long (fucking glorious), watching movies in his bed, and playing whatever tapes you want on full blast at random intervals throughout the day

The two of you cycle between just sitting and listening to the music (typically at the peak of your high, when you’re both brain-dead), to talking about incredibly philosophical/incredibly stupid things (”who closes the bus door after the bus driver gets off?”), to raiding Victor’s fridge for munchies until you eventually empty it and have to walk into town for more 

Side-note: Victor is smooth as fuck when it comes to being high and acting normal in public

Whenever you guys order food anywhere after you’ve already smoked, he’s always the one who speaks because he never stutters, breaks eye contact, or forgets what he’s saying in the middle

You’ve even seen him get into full, logically sound conversations with people just minutes after taking a bong rip in the Trans-Am (group smoke sessions are a thing too)

The guy legit held it together even when his parents came home in the middle of your smoke session once, and introduced you normally even though you were having a level 10 panic attack, and were not subtle about it (those darting high person eyes were all over the place) 

In short, he can basically just revert back to being sober again whenever he wants to, and it’s a major turn-on for stoners everywhere. 

*Pointless side-note ended*

You try to get Victor to socialize at the 2-3 house parties Henry forces you all to each month, but he won’t do it

Just stands next to you, quietly sipping his beer and letting his attention drift around the room

Fields small-talk when he has to (he’s not shy or unapproachable - just introverted), but usually just prefers to be the handsome guy standing next to you while you own the spotlight

You’ll forever be the majestic, sociable party dom with a dry-humored wallflower for a boyfriend - enjoy

... he looks at you a lot while you talk to people though, and it’s so obvious he’s thinking about how beautiful you are, because his eyes make it clear he’s focusing on your face rather than your words 

So many girls in Derry High hate you because of adorable crap like this - there’s a lot of salt over Victor Criss being so thoroughly taken by someone

Patrick often tries to break you away from Victor at parties, because, like you, he talks easily and likes to try to get into shit (and because he thinks you’re hot/would love to take a girl away from Victor using only the power of his penis)

He’ll randomly show up next you when you’re getting another drink, going to the bathroom... or, really, doing anything other than talking to Victor

...At which point he propositions the shit out of you, and tries to convince you to come upstairs

This has never worked out well for him.

You did play a legitimately sick game of beer-pong together once after you got him to stop coming onto you (for a second), but that was just because you were already buzzed, and felt unusually tolerant towards him

So even though you usually reject him wholeheartedly (and somewhat loudly/angrily), you two will always be remembered as the life of post-homecoming blowout, 1987 (where you made every single shot, and didn’t have to take even one drink between the two of you)

... Still doesn’t change the fact that he’s trying to do you though, and that you’re too loyal to Victor to be feeling it 

Even though he won’t participate in other ways when it comes to parties, Victor always dances with you, because he has a specific thing for watching you move to house music

You asked him about it once, and he just said he thinks it’s beautiful because it “accentuates your purity”

If you don’t get what he means, you’re in good company - the guy has an artsy soul.

Interesting side-note: Like Patrick, Henry has low-key wanted to sleep with you from the moment he first saw you, but keeps it heavily under wraps in the interest of not screwing up you and Victor’s relationship 

He doesn’t talk to you much, and has a hard time maintaining eye contact even when he does (because guilt and attraction)

Essentially decided that abstinence is key where you’re concerned, and tries not to form much of a connection with you so it’s easier to control himself

Avoids being left alone with you at all costs, and doesn’t acknowledge you much in general

... He eyes you a lot when he gets drunk though (most often, at the parties you go to)

No words, but enough wasted leering to make it clear where his head is at

 It’s never escalated into anything, but it’s something you notice.

... And you’ve never told Victor in the interest of preserving their friendship. 

* Interesting side-note ended *

Victor tried to take you on a private date to the quarry once (because you’d always told him about how badly you wished there was a beach in Derry), but the guys found out and showed up unexpectedly as soon as the two of you hit the water

... And it was actually your first date.

Meaning Criss was not at all entertained by that bandwagony bullshit.

They literally just came to see you in a bathing suit (hence why they came out of hiding only after you’d gotten in the water), and you’re such a bad bitch that you called them out on it rather than let it be 

... But that just earned a predictably creepy affirmation from Patrick (”What, you thought we were gonna’ let Criss keep a body like that all to himself?” *Disgusting Hockstetter cackle as Victor death-stares him into oblivion*), and didn’t amount to anything more than obnoxious laughter on Henry and Belch’s part 

Long story short, the guys all stampeded into the water with you, and swimming for 2 became swimming for 5

So, yeah. First date was a group date, and no one was thrilled.

Because of what you’ve been through in life, you understand some of the fucked up situations Victor has experienced better than most other people; as a result of that, you have a unique understanding of his hot/cold feelings about the gang

I.e. You get why it isn’t just black and white for him - other people may see the guys as straight-up evil, but it’s different for Victor, and you get that

Essentially you understand that he’s a ride or die (because genuine loyalty), but that he’s also ready to jump ship in the interest of not becoming something he isn’t; he’s never been able to express that to anyone else 

Because you get why Victor feels moved to leave the gang sometimes (and partly because of your own experiences with them), you support him in that direction whenever he mentions it

Being that you don’t sugarcoat things, you confirm for him that the guys aren’t people that would be good for his adult life - he’s always thought that in his head, but has never had another person around who knew the guys personally to corroborate the opinion

Meaning, now that the opinion has been corroborated, it’s kind of huge for him

You may ultimately be the thing that gives Victor the strength he needed to leave the guys, because you help cement his view that it would be the right thing to do

Plus, his relationship with you would fulfill him to an extent where he wouldn’t feel as attached to the gang as before, and he would see himself as being much happier in a future with you than in a future with them

In short, you might change the course of Victor Criss’s entire life - have fun being the best thing that’s ever happened to him

[reallyhardy]

ok, i gotta get it all down before i forget (but could i really ever???) so here is an extremely long, very spoiler-iffic

loren’s spongebob-musical-sperience

i attended the 8pm performance on friday, 24th nov and it was....

AMAZING!!!

i have never ever had such a wonderful time at a theatre. so first off i was on the front row mezzanine toward the left with my bestie and my sister, so we were at a really, really good vantage point. we...we very very enthusiastic, possibly verging on obnoxious...but being so close to that barrier...well. we were basically hanging right over.

i’m just gonna go through the numbers. obviously i have seen the chi boot so i was comparing what i could to what i’ve seen. if you’ve seen the thanksgiving performance it was mostly that beyond what we’re familiar with with spongebob going through and meeting all his friends around town, and like. oh man, that new newsies choreography was AH-MAZING! it was all so funny, ethan’s little spongebob walk and the way danny sort of...rolled into his appearance when he gets introduced. then of course there’s the new krusty krab set which was SO nice (and gets even cooler later!) but there was a scene with squidward and spongebob getting a lot more into that dynamic from the cartoon, and this hilarious little bit where SB puts his hand down on the stove and then, when he notices that it’s burning...he flips it over so he can cook that hand nice and even on both sides. and there’s a part where he hangs his spatula on squidward’s finger while he sings a new and improved and even more emotional ‘please be proud of me dad mr krabs’ part.

so the order was different from chicago because it goes bikini bottom day -> no control -> B.F.F. whereas the previous order was B.F.F. before no control. no control isn’t a fave of mine but it was VERY fun to watch and ethan did extra little contorty gymnasticy bits along with his split :’) but at the end... so the crowd screaming melts away leaving patrick screaming in the middle in his house before SB finds him -- that was absolutely hysterical. danny had a lot more opportunities to shine as a comedian, so many more jokes for patrick and he was so, so, soooo funny. but anyways - B.F.F. was very lovely - though i noticed no best friend handshake this time around as i’d seen from the rehearsal footage. the new painted cardboard letters were so fun and cute looking and it was just a really fun number - plus ethan and danny’s harmonies at the hand were so lovely!!!

then there’s a bit more of everyone freaking out before we get to going get tough which was!!! mind boggling!!! i did not think at first that wesley could rap because the first verse started and seemed quite slow, and it sounded particularly empty without karen’s beatboxing. but then. oh BOY. it suddenly became amazing. first, he did a big ol’ dance break with the plankton puppet attached to his shoe and a little spotlight on him to make you focus on watching him dance and then-- and THEN. OH. MY GOSH. THE SUPER FAST RAP VERSE. ABSOLUTELY ASTOUNDING. my sis, pal and i were losing. our. minds up there. it absolutely blew us away. i need to just say that wesley is absolutely fantastic as plankton, and clearly love love loves getting to play him. his voice is almost a dead ringer for mister lawrence and his whole manner is just. hilarious. absolutely brilliant.

okay! the next number is simple sponge! i didnt notice any lyric changes but i did think it was absolutely hysterical the way krabs slowly backed up while quietly echoing ‘simple sponge, simple sponge’ - too funny. he stood at the back on the higher balcony in front of the neon krusty krab sign and really hammed it up for the ‘you are still a simple sponge’ parts. and the neon sponge dance, oh my lordy!!! it looked so so SO good live! they adjusted the shape for gary so he is more obviously a snail. and they did a little belt around SB’s waist at the ‘own dojo’ line. and boY!!! that ethan slater!!! absolutely slaying!!! he didn’t go for the super super high note but what he did do was still awesome and super powerful. love love love that boy. plus, he kept up using it as a way of pepping himself up, so on his way to different locations he was chanting ‘i am not a simple sponge’ to himself.

okay, next up was daddy knows best. so, by now we probably all know that jai’len absolutely SLAYS as pearl. honestly, the whole audience was completely losing it every single time that girl opened her mouth. she was utterly, utterly PHENOMENAL. i never heard a voice like that!!! but okay so first SB comes up to the krab trying to tell everyone that they don’t have to leave town because he’s got a plan. krabs is busy packing and pearl is trying to decide what to wear to the benefit concert. she brings out two pink prom style dresses, a long and a short, but krabs tells her she’s not going (this is an interesting dynamic to them that i prefer from the chicago - it seems less like krabs is uncaring and disinterested in pearl and more like he’s an overprotective dad - still well meaning despite his blunders. i also noticed he did not say ‘yeah’ when pearl asks ‘is money more important than me?’ in act 2 which made me feel a bit better.) ANYWAY. spongebob takes the dresses and slips the shorter one’s hanger over his head so it looks like he’s wearing it and it is adorable. then when the song is going on, krabs instructs SB to cover his eyes (and he does so, for the rest of the number) while krabs cracks open all the doors and set pieces and to reveal all of where he’s hidden his money, so it’s all this seriously shiny gold coinage and it’s absolutely brilliant!!! i did notice that this time around pearl did not do any overdramatic sobbing, which was a little disappointing, but her amazing amazing singing made up for the little lack of comedy. then it got SAD because pearl sits own on the corner of the stage, genuinely upset, but there’s a very sweet moment where SB sits down with her and tries to comfort her a little bit. it. was. precious, and made me think of all the times SB helps pearl out in the cartoon because. he’s the best big(little) brother ever.

and then... HERO IS MY MIDDLE NAME! oh boy. okay. so, when sandy’s running from the mob, holy heck. the theme there on racist commentary is...oh. my god. every time this was brought up i could not stop crying. so sandy walks into the centre of the stage and on the right, a couple fish spray paint the words ‘LAND MAMMAL GO HOME’ and!! god!!! it was absolutely heartbreaking, lilli’s acting at this point had me full of tears. she said in this quiet voice -- i thought this was my home and MAN. SO SAD. then it goes into the song and...patrick did not carry spongebob in this time around, so, bummer, and i noticed there’s a lot less physical interaction between the team of tres than before - spongebob doesn’t extend his hand to sandy and sandy knocks out a bunch of plus squirrels in cowboy hats instead of striking pat and SB - both are pretty dang funny though so its all good. during this performance sandy did not sing the new verse heard at the playbill preview event, so i was a lil disappointed in that too, but all the fun little moves and dances were still really good - and the team of tres high-five handshake from bikini bottom day happened again, except this time with sandy in the middle. would have been cool if they full circled it at some point with patrick in the middle, but it ain’t no big thang. anyway - hero is my favourite song and it was so fun to hear live -- again the harmonies were absolutely fantastic!!! PLUS. SO SO BADASS, and this made me cry too -- patrick and spongebob hold up the board that ‘mammal go home’ had been sprayed on, and sandy kicks it to break it in half, they cheer, and then the boys toss the board away. SO. GOOD.

and now! SUPER SEA STAR SAVIOUR! this one was AH-MAZING. the new costumes for the sardine followers are absolutely gorgeous and i massively prefer them, and the new choregoraphy. wow wow WOW. okay. so they added this dance break to it where they all bust out tambourines and patrick does a hamboning thing with the tambouring like in the first movie. i did not expect at all that this would be a thing because in chi during dance numbers danny was typically at the back but here!!! WOW!!! he has clearly improved so much as a performer and this lil tambourine dance was SO GOOD. and then of course his singing was amazing, he was nailing those high notes, and and and!!! he did this funny little thing where he blessed all the sardines by sort of karate chopping their heads a lil bit, and the whole thing was. so phenomenal.

then of course there’s the breakup scene, where they acted a bit... spongebob did not seem as much hurt and sad as hurt and angry, and they insulted each other a bit first - ‘at least i dont live in a fruit!’ ‘at least im not pink!’ (hysterical) before they go fine, fine, fine! and then...well. then spongebob gets sadder, and he sits right down in ‘defeat corner’ much like pearl did earlier after daddy knows best. then it goes into tomorrow is, which was absolutely as beautiful as i’d hoped -- lilli and ethan’s voices together are my absolute favourites and!!! it got so very emotional. again i noticed that krabs sticks very close to pearl in a protective way here, although i was again a lil disappointed that plankton and karen don’t emerge very obviously post-coitus... they still dont seem to have quite reached that point this time around. THEN ANYWAY INTERMISSION TIME.

this was where i freaked out a little, talked to a friend, wiped my tears, freaked out a little more, and then by the time i was done talking and freaking, patchy had hurried back onto stage.

so it seems jon rua cannot play the accordion, but they got around this by having him have written some sheet music he’d come up with on a piece of very piratey parchment, which was passed along down the on-stage band who pretty much just passed it along with no regard. nothing was really different about the poor pirates number beyond patchy not having the accordion, it was still very fun but over quickly enough that we could get back to the action.

then its bikini bottom day reprise which is much like in chicago, except allan k. washington now plays gary, so he sat off a little ways to the side on stage to do the meows whilst visible on stage. i have no strong feelings on this - i think its kinda fun i guess!

BIKINI BOTTOM BOOGIE WAS FANTASTIC. i never loved it that much as a song on its own and didnt enjoy it that much in the chi boot - i liked it a bit more on the cast album but HOLY HECK. ON STAGE. so of course pearl is singing along and that gives jai’len another change to shine shine shine, and holy HECK. okay. there is a part where kyle matthew hamilton does a skating trick on TWO SKATEBOARDS. STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. again -- i freakin lost my mind!!! it was unbelievable!!!

chop to the top was pretty similar to chi, a couple of lyric changes but they did much the same stuff - it seemed a bit slicker and all put together better than in chi, and there were a couple more projections to give the boxes more of a lava-y effect. the harmonies between ethan and lilli again -- absolutely a m a z i n g.

now we get to another part that made me very emotional but i held in my tears this time. it leads in with patrick and the sardines but this time around they make it more obvious that he’s thinking about spongebob when he recounts the memories of his stretchy couch, because he says ‘spongebob and i this, spongebob and i that...’ and when they ask him what more do you need he repeats it in this hearbreaking little way. yeah. what more do i need? before he goes into the song. its just as emotional as on the album, but on stage ethan and lilli do a little bit more miming that they’re climbing the mountain while danny’s singing. then there’s no dailogue lead into spongebob’s verse, he just goes into it. there’s something about danny’s face when he sings this song, he just looked like his heart was breaking. he’s so, so good. the emotion breaks just a little at the end - sandy sounds a bit more impatient than before when she says ‘come on spongebob, this mountain won’t climb itself’ and SB goes ‘unless--’ ‘no it WON’T, spongebob!’ so i ended up giggling there in a bit i didnt before. not a bad thing, but i did kind of want to cry during that number all the same.

anyway. THEN WE GO INTO THE SHOWSTOPPER. NOT A LOSER. it looked pretty much the same as in chi BUT. SO SO SO AMAZING TO SEE LIVE. nothing to really say except that it was utterly perfect, and so, so so very very sparkly and beautiful. and the audience applauded for AGES. gavin just stood there holding that final post as we cheered and cheered and cheered. so so so amazing!!!

then its back to spongebob and sandy on the mountain. they added a little thing for plankton and karen where they use an ‘avalanche maker’ which makes them the reason spongebob gets knocked out on the mountain, and. oh, holy goodness, okay, here we go. before i get to the reunion, let’s spin back to plankton and karen. who...so ppl have probably already talked about this but. big guy. big guy. he gets her to call him big guy, moans every time, and then they have this BIG DAMN MAKE-OUT. there’s this bright, glittery projection of hearts and sparkles as they do so, and it’s just. oh my god. losing my mind yet again. SO much cheering from the audience.

right, and back to the mountain. the audience reaction to patrick flying down on the jetpack. glorious. we were all loving it. and then the reunion, oh my gosh! very very heartfelt, they changed the dialogue so the boys say a lot more emotional and genuine stuff to each other before they hug (though it was quite a brief hug) (and they did not do the ‘we are back’ dance, they just did the ‘best friends’ dance which i dont think was quite as funny but okay.) then...then we have the final part with the volcano. it was especially funny here because both ethan and lilli did cartwheels, and then danny lifted his arms like he was going to do one too...and then just kept on running. brill. then spongebob climbs the mountain and my sis and pal were all holding each other in fear because at one point it really felt like ethan might fall. obviously he had his harness but still. TERROR. then when he threw the interruptor. BLINDING! but awesome.

okay. hurrying along to the best day ever. i started crying right during the speech and continued to weep on and off ‘til the end at this point. i noticed perhaps due to tiredness or maybe real feeling but ethan kind of dropped out of the spongebob voice and delivered the really powerful speech in a voice more like his own which....ahhh. it had me weeping. plus, sandy took on a little bit of the speech at the start, and i just love the demonstration of spongebob and sandy’s strong loyalty to each other in both songs, dialogue and action. anyway. then of course the song starts and i absolutely adore how they staged it -- spongebob has a little interaction with almost every character and a lot of the time tailored to who they are -- so he joins in with a sardine’s hand motion, obviously shakes the mayor’s hand very officiously, and brings a lot of the characters together before they all join hands -- and SB was stood between pat and sandy when i saw it, which i like better than when he was between sandy and the mayor because...agh!!! what if that was it for them!? the whole thing of the best day ever absolutely has me bawling almost every time i listen to it, because they all come together to be joyful one last time before they thing they could all just...die.

god, i wish there was a way i could re-live the end when they all celebrate though, because i could not take in everything. i noticed that pearl and krabs hug, and sandy and SB hug each other before patrick runs in to join them. and. OKAY. SO THE RACISM THING COMES BACK AGAIN HERE AND. BY JOVE.

so the whole time, it’s been jenkins that lead the charge against sandy, which is horribly fitting as he represents...every old white man running the world right now, so how important and monumental that he is also the one to tell her you saved us. but then...god... they ask what happens now and sandy says -- i guess i’m leaving. and jenkins asks her to please stay, reminds her that in their town everyone should be welcome. and she says--

she says-- i don’t know if i can trust you, these people, anymore.

cue TEARS. i was absolutely sobbing here. i mean, you’d think, right? in spongebob, it’d be easy. she’d just be like ‘okay, you’ve convinced me’, but she didn’t. it was such a raw and real moment and lilli absolutely killed it. SO emotional. and then ethan steps up and, again, in not such a spongebobby voice, in a much more mature tone, he begs her to give the town another chance, and the whole time he’s been reminding her that she never deserved it but he understands if she wants to go -- he tries one last time and the town comes together ‘til sandy agrees to stay.

then or course, the town makes their own band. this was SO lovely because sandy takes the second line instead of krabs, and all the instruments were painted and decorated to be super bright colourful, it was so gloriously chaotic and wonderful. then of course the theme song!!! me and my squad screamed out lungs out and waved and cheered like crazy and ethan totally caught our eye!!! big, blessed moment.

at the stage door...almost every cast member we spoke to was like ‘i saw you three up on the mezzanine!’ stephanie hsu was very VERY lovely and me and hailey spoke to her about the art we gave her, she told us it made her so happy which made us so happy, we talked to oneika phillips about her cool hair and her very cool wig and makeup, lauralyn mclelland noticed my blue eyebrows that matched hers, and kelvin moon loh. oh my god. he gave me a little 20 cent wahlgreens print he’d made of a fanart i’d done for him that he’d set as his twitter and facebook pics -- he said he’d made copies for his family, signed them all...then went back inside to his dressing room to get me one.

i managed to give some badges and fridge magnets i made to lilli, danny (i slightly brushed his hand with mine and!!! got embarassed but he was sooooo lovely) (on his way out he held the starfish magnet up for me to see like yeeeah!) and also to ethan, who came out last when a lot of the crowd has dispersed, so he was the only cast member we snagged a pic with.

but the real highlight!? TINA. FREAKING. LANDAU. was also there. she was just stood behind me in the crowd looking out for ethan to make sure he got through okay. i got a bit giddy and emotional trying to tell her how much the show meant to me, and we shook hands but...it was no simple handshake, no. she took my hand in both of hers and gosh!!! i’ve never felt more blessed.

it was honestly. the best, best, best day ever. i left with a t-shirt and a streamer worn as a scarf and a stack of rescued playbills, and everything was absolutely wonderful.

[rodeoxqueen]

Ever since I got this idea I haven't been able to stop thinking about Dante being a stripper cowboy 😳😳 Maybe smol shy S/O was dragged by her friends into a strip club when she caught the attention the attention of a certain red devil? 👀🌹 I have a mighty need for some Dante erotica, I'm sorry 😅

Howdy Howdy,

Partner, there’s no need to apologize. If anything, I’m sorry this request was sitting in my inbox for more than a week. I was watching as many male stripper movies as I could find to make this accurate. Here’s a fully written work to make up for the wait. 

Part II is in the making, I couldn’t fit all that raunchiness into one chapter. For my male and gender-neutral readers, I’ll do my best to write inclusive installments that make you feel sexy and well-loved by this stripper cowboy. All readers deserve a lap dance.

Yours,

Rodeo 

Can You Touch This?-Cowboy!Stripper! Dante/Reader-(PART I)(AFAB! READER)

Tags/Warnings: 18+, AFAB! Reader, Stripper!AU, Magic Mike!Au, Erotica, Minors Do Not Try It.

Read It On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256070/chapters/69242487

You were never one for large crowds, alcohol, loud music, and nudity. So what a mess you were in, your friends dragging you into a strip club. 

It wasn’t your fault, they promised you were all going for a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant. No loud noises, no crowds, and especially, you didn’t even know why you had to specify, no naked guys!  That’s what happened at first. You went and blew out your candles on your cake at a nice place, but then things got weird. Your friends had got you thoughtful gifts, except one of them who promised to give it to you after another “surprise.”

They practically herded you to their car, blindfolding and ear-muffing you while giggling. After driving in some unfamiliar directions, you were pulled into a strange building. 

So when you couldn’t hear your own thoughts due to the overbearing bass in the room you were in, you realized you should’ve known better. The blindfold and earmuffs were taken off and you opened your eyes to a neon-lit room with the most hard-cut abs right in your face. 

“A strip club?! W-why would you think I’d want to go to a strip club?” 

“Okay, first of all (Y/N). It’s a male strip club. Second, come on! I know you want to touch some diamond abs!” One of your friends exclaimed as they threw bills at one very tan and very oiled up man named Diego. The box from before landed on your lap, and you unwrapped it to find a giant stack of dollar bills. 

“Now stuff them bills down some hottie’s pants!” 

The orange thong-wearing male with the most defined quads you had ever glanced at winked at your friend and opted to dance on someone else. Clutching your drink, you swallowed thickly as other males who clearly went to the gym every other hour thrust their hips proactively at you. 

Your friends had called ahead and bought the lot of you a table to the stage, much to your chagrin. 

Luckily, your ability to disappear in a room, with your meek personality and small stature, came in handy in these situations. The tall and buff guys your friends screamed over seemed to prefer the company of the more extroverted and thirsty. While other tables farther from the stage had easy contact with the not-themed strippers, you were all confronted with the stage floor dancers. 

“My god, how many themes do these guys dress in?” You squeaked as an entertainer dressed like James Bond (minus the clothes except for the bowtie and gun holster) ground on the stage floor. 

“Not enough! Now make it rain, (Y/N).” Another friend demanded as she took another shot. 

You made a noise as your hand was forcibly placed onto an eight-pack. You quickly threw a wad of bills at the man and ran off to the bar. 

“I gotta go!” You panicked, speed-walking to the bar in your heels. Stomach quivering, you put a few bills down and asked for a stronger drink. Maybe you could pass out on the table and your friends would feel bad and take you home. 

You sighed as you watched your friends have the time of their lives, although they noted your absence. 

“First time?” The bartender asked, sliding your fruity drink to you. You fiddled with the napkin. A woman posed in the corner with the logo “Devil May Cry” to the side of her, all lined in neon pink. 

“Oh!... Yeah, it is.” You mumbled shyly. You blushed at his blue-eyed stare. Luckily, he wore a collared white shirt so you could look at him without bleeding out of your nose. He was very handsome, with rugged features and slight facial hair. His stark white hair shined even in the dim lighting. 

“Ah, could tell. Watched you get dragged in here.” He chuckled. 

“I-I was tricked, first of all!” You exclaimed, tucking some hair behind your ear. 

“It’s alright. Your next rounds on me if you stay a lil longer.” He winked, wiping a glass. A few other people came and went, requesting all sorts of raunchy-titled drinks. Despite that, he leaned on the table where you sat, making idle conversation. 

“I’m Dante.” 

“Nice to meet you, Dante. I’m (Y/N).” You impulsively stuck your hand out to shake and stilled at his strong and warm grip.

He whistled. 

“Nice name for a nice lady. It’s your birthday right?” You nodded. 

“What did you wish for?” 

“Peace and quiet.” He laughed at that, gesturing to your friends who screamed and clapped at a dark-skinned stripper who ripped off his pants. 

“With those friends?” He chuckled. 

“They’re a lot more restrained. This is an exception.” You whined. 

The conversation grew longer. You learned that Dante worked here with his twin brother Vergil. He loved pizza and strawberry ice cream, along with nice motorcycles. A total manly man, if you asked yourself. 

You found a safe space talking to him since you didn’t have to look at nude guys with your back turned. 

You were hoping to talk the night away until a similarly white-haired male with a serious glare rounded the corner. 

Swiping back a few stray hairs, the esteemed brother Vergil knocked the smile off his twin’s face. 

“You fool! Your shift has been over for some time now.” He snapped. Dante rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, this is old douchebag.” You giggled at his comment, quickly stopping when meeting eyes with the frigid twin. 

“Have you been speaking ill of me? I will-”  Dante threw a towel at his brother’s face before leaving the bartending station. By leaving, he jumped over the counter. 

“Hey, (Y/N), nice talking to you. I’ll see you later.” The white-haired man left to the employee’s room. 

“Alright-” You muttered. You’d sit, but Vergil’s cold glare prompted you to leave and rejoin your friends. 

“Where were you? Chatting up the bartender?” 

“Look at you. Being social in a strip club.” They teased. 

After a few more dancers, you couldn’t help but miss the blue-eyed bartender with his quips and casual flirtiness. 

Suddenly, the music and lights went off. The crowd stirred. Your friend grabbed your arm. 

“Oh girl they’re gonna need a mop after this.” 

“Ew!” You cried out. Your friends sang that one horribly sexual song from the radio. Something about parking a truck in a garage and about wet-

A shirtless DJ grabbed the mic. 

“And now, for our next entertainer, we have the Legendary Lady Killer. Hold onto your panties and your wedding rings, you’re all in for the ride of your life.” 

 The lights were turned back on from back to front. On stage, stood a muscular man with a cowboy hat and shawl. His legs were perfectly framed by black leather chaps and boots. You turned as red as his shawl as you could see his formidable bulge from yards across. 

His spurs clinked on the floor as people began to cheer at his physique. Your jaw dropped in shock. 

White hair. 

“Ladies, I got some questions for y’all.” He drawled, lowering his hat. 

“Yes! I’m single!” Someone yelled from the back. He chuckled as others screamed with agreement. 

“That’s nice ma’am. But really, I got three questions.” He made his way down the stage, his shadow covering your table. 

He palmed his chest and abs, showing white chest hairs and slicked down muscles. 

“Can you touch this?” Everyone screamed for yes. He tutted. 

“No, no, no.” He waggled his finger. He spun and exposed his lush tush. He was packing it front and back and you blushed while putting your face in your hands. 

His hands groped his own butt. Even with his giant hands, he still had more ass to spare. 

“Can you touch this?” The screams grew louder. He waggled his finger again, wiggling his butt. 

“No, no, no.” The crowd awed. He turned back around, a cocky grin on his face. 

“Now, ladies.” He pointed to the crowd. 

His palms groped the leather that concealed his huge package. 

“Can you touch this?” Your friend threw a wad of cash at him, hitting him in the nipple. He stood unflinching. 

“No, no, no.” He drew out each word. 

“These are my laws.” Putting his hands on his hips, he rocked left to right, clicking his spurs. 

“But I see a hell of a lot of lawbreakers here tonight.” 

He shifted to walk around the chair placed behind him. He sat on it backward, legs spread to place his groin in the spotlight. 

“And I don’t see a cop in sight.”  He pointed at the DJ. 

“Hit it!” Music blaring, he did his number. And boy, was the DJ right to warn you. Dante practically made sweet love to the chair, flipping his head back. 

Hips circling and then pistoning the air, sweat trailed down his pecs. 

You ended up throwing a few bills, hoping to avoid eye contact. It failed as he slid to his knees to the edge of the stage and crawled off the ledge onto your table. Like a preying tiger, he made his way over to you. 

Thank god you had health insurance, your blood pressure was going off the charts. 

Your friends lost their heads, throwing bills and screaming like banshees. But he wasn’t interested in them. His eyes preyed after your own, baby blues on an absolute beast. 

“Wanna save a horse and ride a cowboy, pretty girl?” He purred as he traced your jaw. Your skin jumped as you internally imploded. This was was too sensual and people were watching, for goodness sake! 

“(Y/N), if you don’t agree I will cancel your Barnes and Noble membership.” Your friend threatened. 

“Come on, spare this outlaw some sugar?” You didn’t have a moment to think. Dante threw his hat on your head and carried you onto the table and to the stage. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” You shrieked. 

He ran hot. So hot. Your skin burned at contact with him, pressed up against his chest as he stood you in front of the chair he practically humped. 

“Take a seat, lil lady.” You blushed at his sensual persona, not sure where the kind bartender and the suave cowboy started and ended. 

Obediently, you turned the chair around and sat with your ankles crossed. Dante tutted in disapproval. 

His hands lingered by your legs.

“May I?” He asked. You shook your head slowly, feeling his callused hands on your thighs. He firmly spread your legs and stood over you on the chair. 

As if that wasn’t enough, his arm muscles bulged and twitched as he ripped off his leather chaps. He ripped the chaps. There were no zippers or velcro straps. That was all him! 

Your face a hair’s width from his abs, he gently took your hands and traced his pecs with them. He growled and winked at you. 

Despite the one in a million situation you were in, you shrank at the many peering eyes of the other women and bar patrons. Your anxiety was seen by Dante, who tilted your head up. 

“Hey, it’s alright. Just focus on me. If you’re nervous, just give me a purple nurple or something, alright?” You laughed at his idea of a safe word and nodded. 

“Okay, Dante.” 

And like that, it was like you pulled a trigger. Dante grinded on your form and explored his own peak-conditioned skin with your own hands. 

You gasped as he led your hands down his front to his leather shorts. You couldn’t stop looking with widened eyes at his crotch. You had read erotica before, describing the male member in the throes of passion, yet this was the first time you had really been this close to anything like those erotic novels. 

It was obscene! Why did it seem to get larger? How was he allowed to carry that thing around without a license?! 

“Hey, eyes up here.” He teased as you snapped your head up. 

“O-oh! Sorry.” You whispered. Your blood had rushed to your head and you had grown deaf to your friends’ yells of validation. 

“Grab him by the buns!” One of your friends yelled. Dante turned around to make eye contact with her. 

With a grin, he slid your hands to the back. What he didn’t expect was you to squeeze. 

“Whoa now, kitty.” He purred. You gave a watery smile. 

Suddenly, a water bottle was thrown at his head. With lightning reflexes, he caught it after it bounced off of him. 

“Hey! Stage times’ over, you fucking show pony.” A short-haired woman with mismatching eyes called out. Dante scoffed. 

“Just givin’ a nice lady some lovin’.” He argued. 

“No, get off the stage, Dante.” 

“Five more minutes?” 

“NOW.” He sighed. Getting off of your lap, he kissed your hand that was resting on his thigh. Lord, if you died right now, that’d be fine. 

“Glad to have this dance.” He flirted. 

“Y-you too.” Taking your hand, he took you for another surprise and swept you off your feet. You squeaked as he handed you to another dancer on the ground. The club-goers cheered as dancers arrived, dressed like businessmen with briefcases. 

You were promptly seated, head dizzy from everything that just happened. You watched as he took his leave as if he didn’t just cause you to get feverish from how hot he was. Your friend hugged you. 

“Nice work! You were so lucky!” Another friend plucked the hat off your head. 

“Ah! He left his hat!”  You exclaimed as you took it from her hands. 

“A souvenir.” 

For the rest of the night, you held onto the hat and traced the red stitching. You never saw Dante for the rest of the night, his brother in charge of the bar service. 

Finally, before the last round of dancers, you were tapped on the shoulder. You found yourself staring into much harsher blue eyes. 

One of your friends threw money at him, which he growled at. 

“I am not an entertainer. Well, not right now.” He explained. He handed you a drink with a napkin on the bottom. 

“My buffoon of a brother said to keep the hat. Although, I’m not sure why you would.”

“I-”

“The drink is on the house. Good evening with you all.” 

 He walked off, and you took your drink. You realized it was the same one you ordered when you got to the bar. 

“Hey girlie, take a look.” A well-manicured nail pointed to the napkin. You saw in red pen an arrow pointed to the folded corner. 

You shakily opened it to reveal a series of numbers and words, along with a card that flitted onto the table. 

Tonight was fun, wanna do it again? The card’s for a private dance, just call and ask for Dante Sparda. No crowds, only you and me. No Lady barking up my tree for appreciating beauty either-DS 

A little heart with an arrow through its center was scrawled in a corner. You picked up the laminated card and saw it was for a free private dance. Your heart beat out of your chest. 

Your friends laughed as you immediately stuck it in your purse, along with the note. The club closed and you were all ushered out. The night was pitch black when you emerged from the debauchery that was the Devil May Cry strip club. 

As your other wasted companions were stuffed into the car, you sat shotgun to the sober and designated driver. 

You were silent the car ride home, laying your head against the window. You thought about that white-haired flirt’s remarks and how gentle he was to you.

Waving and embracing your wonderful friends, you left for your apartment with all your gifts. However, the little slips of paper in your purse weighed the heaviest on your mind. 

High heels in your hand, you climbed up the stairs home. 

After closing the door, you slid down the wall and let out a pleased sigh. 

“Best birthday ever!” You said to no one in particular. 

[rodeoxqueen]

DEVIL MAY GRIND

(I)- Can You Touch This?

Dante/ GN!Reader

Series Summary:  From a surprise rendezvous to a male strip club on your birthday to a private dance, you end up seeing eye-to-eye rather than eye-to-groin with a cowboy stripper named Dante Sparda.

Work Summary: A shy and short homebody celebrating your birthday with friends, you end up somewhere you’d never expect: a male strip club. And what you’d also never expect is a certain red-devil/cowboy stripper to lay his special treatment on you.

Tags/Warnings: 18+, Gender-Neutral! Reader, Stripper!AU, Minors Do Not Try It, Wholesome Filth

Rodeo’s Two-Pieces: The rest of the series will likely be gender-neutral until the erotica in which I will include a gender-neutral sex scene.

You were never one for large crowds, alcohol, loud music, and nudity. So what a mess you were in, your friends dragging you into a strip club.

It wasn’t your fault, they promised you were all going for a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant. No loud noises, no crowds, and especially, you didn’t even know why you had to specify, no naked guys! That’s what happened at first. You went and blew out your candles on your cake at a nice place, but then things got weird. Your friends had got you thoughtful gifts, except one of them who promised to give it to you after another “surprise.”

They practically herded you to their car, blindfolding and ear-muffing you while giggling. After driving in some unfamiliar directions, you were pulled into a strange building.

So when you couldn’t hear your thoughts due to the overbearing bass in the room you were in, you realized you should’ve known better. The blindfold and earmuffs were taken off and you opened your eyes to a neon-lit room with the most hard-cut abs right in your face.

“A strip club?! W-why would you think I’d want to go to a strip club?”

“Okay, first of all (Y/N). It’s a male strip club. Second, come on! I know you want to touch some diamond abs!” One of your friends exclaimed as they threw bills at one very tan and very oiled-up man named Diego. The box from before landed on your lap, and you unwrapped it to find a giant stack of dollar bills.

“Now stuff them bills down some hottie’s pants!”

The orange thong-wearing male with the most defined quads you had ever glanced at winked at your friend and opted to dance on someone else. Clutching your drink, you swallowed thickly as other males who went to the gym every other hour thrust their hips proactively at you.

Your friends had called ahead and bought the lot of you a table to the stage, much to your chagrin.

Luckily, your ability to disappear in a room, with your meek personality and small stature, came in handy in these situations. The tall and buff guys your friends screamed over seemed to prefer the company of the more extroverted and thirsty. While other tables farther from the stage had easy contact with the not-themed strippers, you were all confronted with the stage floor dancers.

“My god, how many themes do these guys dress in?” You squeaked as an entertainer dressed like James Bond (minus the clothes except for the bowtie and gun holster) ground on the stage floor.

“Not enough! Now make it rain, (Y/N).” Another friend demanded as she took another shot.

You made a noise as your hand was forcibly placed onto an eight-pack. You quickly threw a wad of bills at the man and ran off to the bar.

“I gotta go!” You panicked, speed-walking to the bar. Stomach quivering, you put a few bills down and asked for a stronger drink. Maybe you could pass out on the table and your friends would feel bad and take you home.

You sighed as you watched your friends have the time of their lives, although they noted your absence.

“First time?” The bartender asked, sliding your fruity drink to you. You fiddled with the napkin. A woman posed in the corner with the logo “Devil May Cry” to the side of her, all lined in neon pink.

“Oh!... Yeah, it is.” You mumbled shyly. You blushed at his blue-eyed stare. Luckily, he wore a collared white shirt so you could look at him without bleeding out of your nose. He was very handsome, with rugged features and slight facial hair. His stark white hair shined even in the dim lighting.

“Ah, could tell. Watched you get dragged in here.” He chuckled.

“I-I was tricked, first of all!” You exclaimed, tucking some hair behind your ear.

“It’s alright. Your next rounds on me if you stay a lil longer.” He winked, wiping a glass. A few other people came and went, requesting all sorts of raunchy-titled drinks. Despite that, he leaned on the table where you sat, making idle conversation.

“I’m Dante.”

“Nice to meet you, Dante. I’m (Y/N).” You impulsively stuck your hand out to shake and stilled at his strong and warm grip.

He whistled.

“Nice name for a nice person. It’s your birthday right?” You nodded.

“What did you wish for?”

“Peace and quiet.” He laughed at that, gesturing to your friends who screamed and clapped at a dark-skinned stripper who ripped off his pants.

“With those friends?” He chuckled.

“They’re a lot more restrained. This is an exception.” You whined.

The conversation grew longer. You learned that Dante worked here with his twin brother Vergil. He loved pizza and strawberry ice cream, along with nice motorcycles. A total manly man, if you asked yourself.

You found a safe space talking to him since you didn’t have to look at nude guys with your back turned.

You were hoping to talk the night away until a similarly white-haired male with a serious glare rounded the corner.

Swiping back a few stray hairs, the esteemed brother Vergil knocked the smile off his twin’s face.

“You fool! Your shift has been over for some time now.” He snapped. Dante rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, this is old douchebag.” You giggled at his comment, quickly stopping when meeting eyes with the frigid twin.

“Have you been speaking ill of me? I will-” Dante threw a towel at his brother’s face before leaving the bartending station. By leaving, he jumped over the counter.

“Hey, (Y/N), nice talking to you. I’ll see you later.” The white-haired man left to the employee’s room.

“Alright-” You muttered. You’d sit, but Vergil’s cold glare prompted you to leave and rejoin your friends.

“Where were you? Chatting up the bartender?”

“Look at you. Being social in a strip club.” They teased.

After a few more dancers, you couldn’t help but miss the blue-eyed bartender with his quips and casual flirtiness.

Suddenly, the music and lights went off. The crowd stirred. Your friend grabbed your arm.

“Oh lord they’re gonna need a mop after this.”

“Ew!” You cried out. Your friends sang that one horribly sexual song from the radio. Something about parking a truck in a garage and about wet-

A shirtless DJ grabbed the mic.

“And now, for our next entertainer, we have the Legendary Lady Killer. Hold onto your panties and your wedding rings, you’re all in for the ride of your life.”

The lights were turned back on from back to front. On stage, stood a muscular man with a cowboy hat and shawl. His legs were perfectly framed by black leather chaps and boots. You turned as red as his shawl as you could see his formidable bulge from yards across.

His spurs clinked on the floor as people began to cheer at his physique. Your jaw dropped in shock.

White hair.

“I got some questions for y’all.” He drawled, lowering his hat.

“Yes! I’m single!” Someone yelled from the back. He chuckled as others screamed with agreement.

“That’s nice ma’am. But really, I got three questions.” He made his way down the stage, his shadow covering your table.

He palmed his chest and abs, showing white chest hairs and slicked-down muscles.

“Can you touch this?” Everyone screamed for yes. He tutted.

“No, no, no.” He waggled his finger. He spun and exposed his lush tush. He was packing it front and back and you blushed while putting your face in your hands.

His hands groped his butt. Even with his giant hands, he still had more ass to spare.

“Can you touch this?” The screams grew louder. He waggled his finger again, wiggling his butt.

“No, no, no.” The crowd awed. He turned back around, a cocky grin on his face.

“Now,” He pointed to the crowd.

His palms groped the leather that concealed his huge package.

“Can you touch this?” Your friend threw a wad of cash at him, hitting him in the nipple. He stood unflinching.

“No, no, no.” He drew out each word.

“These are my laws.” Putting his hands on his hips, he rocked left to right, clicking his spurs.

“But I see a hell of a lot of lawbreakers here tonight.”

He shifted to walk around the chair placed behind him. He sat on it backward, legs spread to place his groin in the spotlight.

“And I don’t see a cop in sight.” He pointed at the DJ.

“Hit it!” Music blaring, he did his number. And boy, was the DJ right to warn you. Dante practically made sweet love to the chair, flipping his head back.

Hips circling and then pistoning the air, sweat trailed down his pecs.

You ended up throwing a few bills, hoping to avoid eye contact. It failed as he slid to his knees to the edge of the stage and crawled off the ledge onto your table. Like a preying tiger, he made his way over to you.

Thank god you had health insurance, your blood pressure was going off the charts.

Your friends lost their heads, throwing bills and screaming like banshees. But he wasn’t interested in them. His eyes preyed after your own, baby blues on an absolute beast.

“Wanna save a horse and ride a cowboy, good lookin’?” He purred as he traced your jaw. Your skin jumped as you internally imploded. This was was too sensual and people were watching, for goodness sake!

“(Y/N), if you don’t agree I will cancel your Barnes and Noble membership.” Your friend threatened.

“Come on, spare this outlaw some sugar?” You didn’t have a moment to think. Dante threw his hat on your head and carried you onto the table and to the stage.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” You shrieked.

He ran hot. So hot. Your skin burned at contact with him, pressed up against his chest as he stood you in front of the chair he practically humped.

“Take a seat.” You blushed at his sensual persona, not sure where the kind bartender and the suave cowboy started and ended.

Obediently, you turned the chair around and sat with your ankles crossed. Dante tutted in disapproval.

His hands lingered by your legs.

“May I?” He asked. You shook your head slowly, feeling his callused hands on your thighs. He firmly spread your legs and stood over you on the chair.

As if that wasn’t enough, his arm muscles bulged and twitched as he ripped off his leather chaps. He ripped the chaps. There were no zippers or velcro straps. That was all him!

Your face a hair’s width from his abs, he gently took your hands and traced his pecs with them. He growled and winked at you.

Despite the one-in-a-million situation you were in, you shrank at the many peering eyes of the other women and bar patrons. Your anxiety was seen by Dante, who tilted your head up.

“Hey, it’s alright. Just focus on me. If you’re nervous, just give me a purple nurple or something, alright?” You laughed at his idea of a safe word and nodded.

“Okay, Dante.”

And like that, it was like you pulled a trigger. Dante grinded on your form and explored his peak-conditioned skin with your own hands.

You gasped as he led your hands down his front to his leather shorts. You couldn’t stop looking with widened eyes at his crotch. You had read erotica before, describing the male member in the throes of passion, yet this was the first time you had been this close to anything like those erotic novels.

It was obscene! Why did it seem to get larger? How was he allowed to carry that thing around without a license?!

“Hey, eyes up here.” He teased as you snapped your head up.

“O-oh! Sorry.” You whispered. Your blood had rushed to your head and you had grown deaf to your friends’ yells of validation.

“Grab him by the buns!” One of your friends yelled. Dante turned around to make eye contact with her.

With a grin, he slid your hands to the back. What he didn’t expect was you to squeeze.

“Whoa now, kitty.” He purred. You gave a watery smile.

Suddenly, a water bottle was thrown at his head. With lightning reflexes, he caught it after it bounced off of him.

“Hey! Stage times’ over, you fucking show pony.” A short-haired woman with mismatching eyes called out. Dante scoffed.

“Just givin’ a smokeshow some lovin’.” He argued.

“No, get off the stage, Dante.”

“Five more minutes?”

“NOW.” He sighed. Getting off of your lap, he kissed your hand that was resting on his thigh. Lord, if you died right now, that’d be fine.

“Glad to have this dance.” He flirted.

“Y-you too.” Taking your hand, he took you for another surprise and swept you off your feet. You squeaked as he handed you to another dancer on the ground. The club-goers cheered as dancers arrived, dressed like businessmen with briefcases.

You were promptly seated, head dizzy from everything that just happened. You watched as he took his leave as if he didn’t just cause you to get feverish from how hot he was. Your friend hugged you.

“Nice work! You were so lucky!” Another friend plucked the hat off your head.

“Ah! He left his hat!” You exclaimed as you took it from her hands.

“A souvenir.”

For the rest of the night, you held onto the hat and traced the red stitching. You never saw Dante for the rest of the night, his brother in charge of the bar service.

Finally, before the last round of dancers, you were tapped on the shoulder. You found yourself staring into much harsher blue eyes.

One of your friends threw money at him, which he growled at.

“I am not an entertainer. Well, not right now.” He explained. He handed you a drink with a napkin on the bottom.

“My buffoon of a brother said to keep the hat. Although, I’m not sure why you would.”

“I-”

“The drink is on the house. Good evening with you all.”

He walked off, and you took your drink. You realized it was the same one you ordered when you got to the bar.

“Hey girlie, take a look.” A well-manicured nail pointed to the napkin. You saw in red pen an arrow pointed to the folded corner.

You shakily opened it to reveal a series of numbers and words, along with a card that flitted onto the table.

Tonight was fun, wanna do it again? The card’s for a private dance, just call and ask for Dante Sparda. No crowds, only you and me. No Lady barking up my tree for appreciating beauty either - DS

A little heart with an arrow through its center was scrawled in a corner. You picked up the laminated card and saw it was for a free private dance. Your heart beat out of your chest.

Your friends laughed as you immediately stuck it in your bag, along with the note. The club closed and you were all ushered out. The night was pitch black when you emerged from the debauchery that was the Devil May Cry strip club.

As your other wasted companions were stuffed into the car, you sat shotgun to the sober and designated driver.

You were silent the car ride home, laying your head against the window. You thought about that white-haired flirt’s remarks and how gentle he was to you.

Waving and embracing your wonderful friends, you left for your apartment with all your gifts. However, the little slips of paper in your bag weighed the heaviest on your mind.

With your keys in your hand, you climbed up the stairs home.

After closing the door, you slid down the wall and let out a pleased sigh.

“Best birthday ever!” You said to no one in particular.

[rodeoxqueen]

DEVIL MAY GRIND

(I)- Can You Touch This?

Dante/ AFAB!Reader

Series Summary:  From a surprise rendezvous to a male strip club on your birthday to a private dance, you end up seeing eye-to-eye rather than eye-to-groin with a cowboy stripper named Dante Sparda.

Work Summary: A shy and short homebody celebrating your birthday with friends, you end up somewhere you’d never expect: a male strip club. And what you’d also never expect is a certain red-devil/cowboy stripper to lay his special treatment on you.

Tags/Warnings: 18+, AFAB! Reader, Stripper!AU, Minors Do Not Try It, Wholesome Filth

You were never one for large crowds, alcohol, loud music, and nudity. So what a mess you were in, your friends dragging you into a strip club.

It wasn’t your fault, they promised you were all going for a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant. No loud noises, no crowds, and especially, you didn’t even know why you had to specify, no naked guys! That’s what happened at first. You went and blew out your candles on your cake at a nice place, but then things got weird. Your friends had got you thoughtful gifts, except one of them who promised to give it to you after another “surprise.”

They practically herded you to their car, blindfolding and ear-muffing you while giggling. After driving in some unfamiliar directions, you were pulled into a strange building.

So when you couldn’t hear your thoughts due to the overbearing bass in the room you were in, you realized you should’ve known better. The blindfold and earmuffs were taken off and you opened your eyes to a neon-lit room with the most hard-cut abs right in your face.

“A strip club?! W-why would you think I’d want to go to a strip club?”

“Okay, first of all (Y/N). It’s a male strip club. Second, come on! I know you want to touch some diamond abs!” One of your friends exclaimed as they threw bills at one very tan and very oiled-up man named Diego. The box from before landed on your lap, and you unwrapped it to find a giant stack of dollar bills.

“Now stuff them bills down some hottie’s pants!”

The orange thong-wearing male with the most defined quads you had ever glanced at winked at your friend and opted to dance on someone else. Clutching your drink, you swallowed thickly as other males who went to the gym every other hour thrust their hips proactively at you.

Your friends had called ahead and bought the lot of you a table to the stage, much to your chagrin.

Luckily, your ability to disappear in a room, with your meek personality and small stature, came in handy in these situations. The tall and buff guys your friends screamed over seemed to prefer the company of the more extroverted and thirsty. While other tables farther from the stage had easy contact with the not-themed strippers, you were all confronted with the stage floor dancers.

“My god, how many themes do these guys dress in?” You squeaked as an entertainer dressed like James Bond (minus the clothes except for the bowtie and gun holster) ground on the stage floor.

“Not enough! Now make it rain, (Y/N).” Another friend demanded as she took another shot.

You made a noise as your hand was forcibly placed onto an eight-pack. You quickly threw a wad of bills at the man and ran off to the bar.

“I gotta go!” You panicked, speed-walking to the bar in your heels. Stomach quivering, you put a few bills down and asked for a stronger drink. Maybe you could pass out on the table and your friends would feel bad and take you home.

You sighed as you watched your friends have the time of their lives, although they noted your absence.

“First time?” The bartender asked, sliding your fruity drink to you. You fiddled with the napkin. A woman posed in the corner with the logo “Devil May Cry” to the side of her, all lined in neon pink.

“Oh!... Yeah, it is.” You mumbled shyly. You blushed at his blue-eyed stare. Luckily, he wore a collared white shirt so you could look at him without bleeding out of your nose. He was very handsome, with rugged features and slight facial hair. His stark white hair shined even in the dim lighting.

“Ah, could tell. Watched you get dragged in here.” He chuckled.

“I-I was tricked, first of all!” You exclaimed, tucking some hair behind your ear.

“It’s alright. Your next rounds on me if you stay a lil longer.” He winked, wiping a glass. A few other people came and went, requesting all sorts of raunchy-titled drinks. Despite that, he leaned on the table where you sat, making idle conversation.

“I’m Dante.”

“Nice to meet you, Dante. I’m (Y/N).” You impulsively stuck your hand out to shake and stilled at his strong and warm grip.

He whistled.

“Nice name for a nice lady. It’s your birthday right?” You nodded.

“What did you wish for?”

“Peace and quiet.” He laughed at that, gesturing to your friends who screamed and clapped at a dark-skinned stripper who ripped off his pants.

“With those friends?” He chuckled.

“They’re a lot more restrained. This is an exception.” You whined.

The conversation grew longer. You learned that Dante worked here with his twin brother Vergil. He loved pizza and strawberry ice cream, along with nice motorcycles. A total manly man, if you asked yourself.

You found a safe space talking to him since you didn’t have to look at nude guys with your back turned.

You were hoping to talk the night away until a similarly white-haired male with a serious glare rounded the corner.

Swiping back a few stray hairs, the esteemed brother Vergil knocked the smile off his twin’s face.

“You fool! Your shift has been over for some time now.” He snapped. Dante rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, this is old douchebag.” You giggled at his comment, quickly stopping when meeting eyes with the frigid twin.

“Have you been speaking ill of me? I will-” Dante threw a towel at his brother’s face before leaving the bartending station. By leaving, he jumped over the counter.

“Hey, (Y/N), nice talking to you. I’ll see you later.” The white-haired man left to the employee’s room.

“Alright-” You muttered. You’d sit, but Vergil’s cold glare prompted you to leave and rejoin your friends.

“Where were you? Chatting up the bartender?”

“Look at you. Being social in a strip club.” They teased.

After a few more dancers, you couldn’t help but miss the blue-eyed bartender with his quips and casual flirtiness.

Suddenly, the music and lights went off. The crowd stirred. Your friend grabbed your arm.

“Oh girl they’re gonna need a mop after this.”

“Ew!” You cried out. Your friends sang that one horribly sexual song from the radio. Something about parking a truck in a garage and about wet-

A shirtless DJ grabbed the mic.

“And now, for our next entertainer, we have the Legendary Lady Killer. Hold onto your panties and your wedding rings, you’re all in for the ride of your life.”

The lights were turned back on from back to front. On stage, stood a muscular man with a cowboy hat and shawl. His legs were perfectly framed by black leather chaps and boots. You turned as red as his shawl as you could see his formidable bulge from yards across.

His spurs clinked on the floor as people began to cheer at his physique. Your jaw dropped in shock.

White hair.

“Ladies and gents, I got some questions for y’all.” He drawled, lowering his hat.

“Yes! I’m single!” Someone yelled from the back. He chuckled as others screamed with agreement.

“That’s nice ma’am. But really, I got three questions.” He made his way down the stage, his shadow covering your table.

He palmed his chest and abs, showing white chest hairs and slicked-down muscles.

“Can you touch this?” Everyone screamed for yes. He tutted.

“No, no, no.” He waggled his finger. He spun and exposed his lush tush. He was packing it front and back and you blushed while putting your face in your hands.

His hands groped his butt. Even with his giant hands, he still had more ass to spare.

“Can you touch this?” The screams grew louder. He waggled his finger again, wiggling his butt.

“No, no, no.” The crowd awed. He turned back around, a cocky grin on his face.

“Now.” He pointed to the crowd.

His palms groped the leather that concealed his huge package.

“Can you touch this?” Your friend threw a wad of cash at him, hitting him in the nipple. He stood unflinching.

“No, no, no.” He drew out each word.

“These are my laws.” Putting his hands on his hips, he rocked left to right, clicking his spurs.

“But I see a hell of a lot of lawbreakers here tonight.”

He shifted to walk around the chair placed behind him. He sat on it backward, legs spread to place his groin in the spotlight.

“And I don’t see a cop in sight.” He pointed at the DJ.

“Hit it!” Music blaring, he did his number. And boy, was the DJ right to warn you. Dante practically made sweet love to the chair, flipping his head back.

Hips circling and then pistoning the air, sweat trailed down his pecs.

You ended up throwing a few bills, hoping to avoid eye contact. It failed as he slid to his knees to the edge of the stage and crawled off the ledge onto your table. Like a preying tiger, he made his way over to you.

Thank god you had health insurance, your blood pressure was going off the charts.

Your friends lost their heads, throwing bills and screaming like banshees. But he wasn’t interested in them. His eyes preyed after your own, baby blues on an absolute beast.

“Wanna save a horse and ride a cowboy, pretty girl?” He purred as he traced your jaw. Your skin jumped as you internally imploded. This was was too sensual and people were watching, for goodness sake!

“(Y/N), if you don’t agree I will cancel your Barnes and Noble membership.” Your friend threatened.

“Come on, spare this outlaw some sugar?” You didn’t have a moment to think. Dante threw his hat on your head and carried you onto the table and to the stage.

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” You shrieked.

He ran hot. So hot. Your skin burned at contact with him, pressed up against his chest as he stood you in front of the chair he practically humped.

“Take a seat, lil lady.” You blushed at his sensual persona, not sure where the kind bartender and the suave cowboy started and ended.

Obediently, you turned the chair around and sat with your ankles crossed. Dante tutted in disapproval.

His hands lingered by your legs.

“May I?” He asked. You shook your head slowly, feeling his callused hands on your thighs. He firmly spread your legs and stood over you on the chair.

As if that wasn’t enough, his arm muscles bulged and twitched as he ripped off his leather chaps. He ripped the chaps. There were no zippers or velcro straps. That was all him!

Your face a hair’s width from his abs, he gently took your hands and traced his pecs with them. He growled and winked at you.

Despite the one-in-a-million situation you were in, you shrank at the many peering eyes of the other women and bar patrons. Your anxiety was seen by Dante, who tilted your head up.

“Hey, it’s alright. Just focus on me. If you’re nervous, just give me a purple nurple or something, alright?” You laughed at his idea of a safe word and nodded.

“Okay, Dante.”

And like that, it was like you pulled a trigger. Dante grinded on your form and explored his peak-conditioned skin with your own hands.

You gasped as he led your hands down his front to his leather shorts. You couldn’t stop looking with widened eyes at his crotch. You had read erotica before, describing the male member in the throes of passion, yet this was the first time you had been this close to anything like those erotic novels.

It was obscene! Why did it seem to get larger? How was he allowed to carry that thing around without a license?!

“Hey, eyes up here.” He teased as you snapped your head up.

“O-oh! Sorry.” You whispered. Your blood had rushed to your head and you had grown deaf to your friends’ yells of validation.

“Grab him by the buns!” One of your friends yelled. Dante turned around to make eye contact with her.

With a grin, he slid your hands to the back. What he didn’t expect was you to squeeze.

“Whoa now, kitty.” He purred. You gave a watery smile.

Suddenly, a water bottle was thrown at his head. With lightning reflexes, he caught it after it bounced off of him.

“Hey! Stage times’ over, you fucking show pony.” A short-haired woman with mismatching eyes called out. Dante scoffed.

“Just givin’ a nice lady some lovin’.” He argued.

“No, get off the stage, Dante.”

“Five more minutes?”

“NOW.” He sighed. Getting off of your lap, he kissed your hand that was resting on his thigh. Lord, if you died right now, that’d be fine.

“Glad to have this dance.” He flirted.

“Y-you too.” Taking your hand, he took you for another surprise and swept you off your feet. You squeaked as he handed you to another dancer on the ground. The club-goers cheered as dancers arrived, dressed like businessmen with briefcases.

You were promptly seated, head dizzy from everything that just happened. You watched as he took his leave as if he didn’t just cause you to get feverish from how hot he was. Your friend hugged you.

“Nice work! You were so lucky!” Another friend plucked the hat off your head.

“Ah! He left his hat!” You exclaimed as you took it from her hands.

“A souvenir.”

For the rest of the night, you held onto the hat and traced the red stitching. You never saw Dante for the rest of the night, his brother in charge of the bar service.

Finally, before the last round of dancers, you were tapped on the shoulder. You found yourself staring into much harsher blue eyes.

One of your friends threw money at him, which he growled at.

“I am not an entertainer. Well, not right now.” He explained. He handed you a drink with a napkin on the bottom.

“My buffoon of a brother said to keep the hat. Although, I’m not sure why you would.”

“I-”

“The drink is on the house. Good evening with you all.”

He walked off, and you took your drink. You realized it was the same one you ordered when you got to the bar.

“Hey girlie, take a look.” A well-manicured nail pointed to the napkin. You saw in red pen an arrow pointed to the folded corner.

You shakily opened it to reveal a series of numbers and words, along with a card that flitted onto the table.

Tonight was fun, wanna do it again? The card’s for a private dance, just call and ask for Dante Sparda. No crowds, only you and me. No Lady barking up my tree for appreciating beauty either - DS

A little heart with an arrow through its center was scrawled in a corner. You picked up the laminated card and saw it was for a free private dance. Your heart beat out of your chest.

Your friends laughed as you immediately stuck it in your purse, along with the note. The club closed and you were all ushered out. The night was pitch black when you emerged from the debauchery that was the Devil May Cry strip club.

As your other wasted companions were stuffed into the car, you sat shotgun to the sober and designated driver.

You were silent the car ride home, laying your head against the window. You thought about that white-haired flirt’s remarks and how gentle he was to you.

Waving and embracing your wonderful friends, you left for your apartment with all your gifts. However, the little slips of paper in your purse weighed the heaviest on your mind.

High heels in your hand, you climbed up the stairs home.

After closing the door, you slid down the wall and let out a pleased sigh.

“Best birthday ever!” You said to no one in particular.