#I really do love this and will think more into this concept!\

[semi-imaginary-place]

There's a part of me that always gets annoyed when people say "there's no platonic explanation" for characters like Frodo and Sam because it means I need to navigate 2 hostile factions. Between the classic conservative Catholic homophobes who think gay people are evil demon worshipers and going to hell, and the supposed queer allies who are blatantly and fiercely erasing acearo perspectives. I wrote about how Lord of the Rings is a batman story, it was a product of 20th century Great Britain's class structure creating a unique and deeply intimate hierarchical relationship that no longer exists. These were largely platonic but had a domestic intimacy that in many cases exceeded heterosexual marriage. Europe in general has some history with marriages not being the most intimate relationships of one's life, they were for property, inheritance, or status.

#inverting an incorrect view does not create a correct view. It just creates an incorrect view from a different angle.

Here's an article by Finn Longman that delves more into the topic:

many marriages throughout history were not contracted because of romantic or sexual attraction, but that doesn’t preclude the possibility that romantic or sexual attraction existed within them.

Additionally there is always the danger of ascribing modern values to historical contexts and the difficulty surrounding labels.

The separation of the terms “platonic friendship” and “romantic love” is a remarkably modern one, even before we start dealing with additional linguistic complications of working with non-English material. My PhD has so far involved a great deal of work on the terminology used to define relationships and express affection, and what I have learned is that there is a huge amount of overlap, with relationships from military alliances to marriage to friendship to casual or illicit sex all being described with many of the same words. That doesn’t mean that these relationships were interchangeable to a late medieval Irish audience, but it does caution us to be aware that the lines between them may not be drawn in the same places that we would draw them, and the defining or distinguishing features of one type of relationship versus another may not be the features we would have focused on.

Once definitions become unstable and contextual ... Warnings not to apply anachronistic labels can become a denial of queer pasts — the truthful statement that an individual wouldn’t have understood themselves as homosexual because the concept of identity formed around sexual attraction was still a few hundred years off is taken as denying the possibility that the individual’s feelings and behaviours may have been more or less indistinguishable from those of somebody who would understand themselves as gay now.

You see, once you allow the possibility for friendship to be transformative, physical, lifelong, and passionate, there is no obvious reason to disagree with historical individuals’ characterisation of their relationships as ‘friendship�� — in fact, to do so runs the risk of erasing their self-definition and replacing it with ours, something that is not less of an erasure because the label replacing it is different.

This raises the question of what we��re really doing when we seek out queer histories. If our intention is to prove that people outside of a rigid heterosexual binary cisgender model have always existed, then we should take care to represent as many facets of those non-normative experiences as we can. What makes a relationship non-normative? What does it mean to defy expectations? What even are the expectations being defied? Amidst a rigidly heteronormative and patriarchal set of expectations, such as has dominated the past centuries, two women who chose to build their lives together rather than marry men were defying norms whether or not they were also having sex. Sexual activity is far from the only factor (or the most important factor) in claiming those lives as part of queer history, unless our definition of queer history includes only unambiguous sexual activity between people of the same gender (a deeply limited and problematic definition).

Tangentially an there's a discussion to be had on changing values across time and culture. The norms of gender and sexuality vary and are specific to their specific contexts (time and culture). Well known examples include European men used to wear high heels (also a class thing), or the Scottish kilt. So when talking about historical relationships it's important to distinguish non-normative in terms of modern (whatever specific part of the world here we are mostly talking about Western anglosphere social norms) and historical values. Was the relationship non-normative according to modern values, historical ones, both, or neither?

We generally find two models of history dominating popular discourse: a heteronormative model, in which only male/female relationships may be readily accepted as romantic or sexual and so all same-gender relationships must be read as socially normative friendship, or an amatonormative model which, in being open to the possibility of same-gender romance or sex, reads all intimate friendship as actually romance in disguise. The latter is an understandable compensation for the former, which dominated much 19th-20th century scholarship, but is just as essentialising and limited. The reality in the vast majority of cases is going to sit somewhere between the two, and requires explorations of nuance and acceptance of ambiguity.

We will never know if something was “really” friendship or “really” romance until we stop projecting our expectations of what either of those things means and start looking — openly and non-judgmentally — at how they are actually being constructed in the sources and societies we’re working with, particularly when that challenges our sense of the divisions between them. To properly understand and appreciate a passionate physical friendship, we need a degree of openness to the possibility of queer sexualities, so that we can see what that friendship is and isn’t doing, and how it sits alongside counterculture and transgression; to properly understand queer sexualities, we need an openness to emotional and behavioural norms that may allow for a degree of physicality and intimacy outside romantic or sexual relationships that the homophobic anxieties of the modern world have largely eliminated.

The danger is that in trying to recover and celebrate queer possibilities in history and literature, queer people often participate in the erasure and exclusion of aro and ace possibilities by privileging romantic and sexual relationships above friendship and creating hierarchies of intimacy based on a modern amatonormative worldview. As a result, in celebrating alternative forms of love and its expression beyond romance and sex, such as friendship and kinship, aro and ace people are seen as erasing the more visibly embattled forms of alternative sexuality to replace them with something more ‘family-friendly’. Friendship-focused readings of literature or historical evidence are understood as an alternative to queer possibilities, rather than a queer possibility in themselves, and so positioned in opposition to gay and bi histories, rather than intrinsically connected to them.

In compensating for homophobic “Just Friends” narratives, we should be wary of reinforcing them by suggesting that there is, indeed, anything “Just” about “Friends”. Maybe friendship can be as transgressive, transformative, countercultural, physical, intense, and, yes, queer, as relationships more easily labelled as romance; maybe it can challenge hierarchies of gender and sexuality, push back against oppressive norms, and represent radical ways of life that should be celebrated as the queer histories that they are.

I wish it wasn’t a hot take that a story in which two characters of any gender prioritize their purely platonic relationship over any other romantic or sexual interests they might have is a textually queer story

[cometcrystal]

PNF S5 SPOILIES!!!

MY THOTS

summer block buster/cloudy with a chance of mom - i count these as 1 ep because its the same plot. anyway this is a REALLY strong comeback ep. it doesn't feel unnecessarily self-referential, and the family dynamics are soooo cute and lovely. also the song bangs. 9/10

submarine sandwich submarine - this one had moments that made me laugh but overall it was just fine/good. i liked it but the bigstandout for me was when baljeet went perhaps in hindsight we should not have made our submarine out of FOOOOOOD. also "i like my biscuits hot". 7/10

license to bust - solid fuckin episode. dont have a bunch of thoughts on it but the song was good so 8/10

dry another day - not suuuper memorable but i enjoyed that buford and baljeet were on the same sled. also the mothermugger is a really really really good pun. they wanna say motherfucker so bad. 6.5/10

deconstructing doof - dwampy said we are going to make an episode that is so meta. i thought the therapist character was annoying but the plot of the episode was genius + i liked that candace is going to therapy now. good for her! now someone please get her a therapist who is actually good at their job. 8/10

tropey mctropeface - i really liked this one. it was fucking weird in the same way that remains of the platypus was weird. just experimental and goofy. 8/10

biblio-blast - lawrence fletcher is the only man on earth 7/10

a chip to the vet - i actually liked this one a lot??? i thought it was funny and clever! i felt a connection with the lady who owned an iguana and a tarantula. the concept of a rancho being chipped is incredibly funny. also good pet mode perry moments + jeremy mentioned. canderemy come back to me..... 9/10

more than an intern - this ep just solidified the fact that i dont like major monogram. little fucking bitch. pay your employees you cunt 7/10

the aurora perry-alis - IM SO TIREDDD OF MONTESSA SORRY. whether or not AYA was retconned this all just feels pointless. if an m/f ship does not appeal to my hetjoshi senses, i consider it a total failure. because im a dyke who is a connoisseur of m/f ships so i know my stuff. but the animation of the sky was soooo fucking beautiful so it gets points for that. 6/10

lord of the firesides - this fucking ruled. one of my fav songs of the entire season. also little girls just do this even without an inator because they crave revolution. 9/10

the candace suit - maybe this is a controversial opinion but i liked this episode a LOT. it was creepy and weird, but that's why it's HILARIOUS. everyone just going along with it and putting on the suits makes so much sense because this is a group of people who are deeply weird. buford's song also felt wayyy less cursed in its final form than in the storyboard. so happy he's becoming more comfortable in himself. 9/10

agent t for teen - MY FAVORITE OF THE SEASON BY FAR!!!!!! STACY HIRANO YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!!! she is so fucking cool. literally the ONLY thing i would have added to this episode was a mention of her talking to vanessa for like. a second. but flawless otherwise. i couldn't have written a better agent stacy episode myself. 10/10

the haberdasher - i was just thinking about the songwriting video dan posted the entire time. and the song is just as cute as i remember. also big news for annoying people (mothman doof) 7/10

out of character - exterra...... 7/10

meap me in st louis - underwhelming! but i did like stabby barf pain + candace getting moments to shine. meap is meaping like he is sick with consumption now 6.75/10

no slumber party - gonna keep it real with you guys. i published a fic a few days ago where the boys host a slumber party (without ANY knowledge of this episode coming), and i think i blindly executed that concept 10x better than this canon episode did. it was a huge bummer that candace didn't get to have any fun once the groups joined, and there was no stanessa, which is illegal. 5/10

the ballad of bubba doof - bless your heart lunch 6/10

general thoughts

jeremy's new voice is suitable. i am content with it if we cannot get mitchel musso to record lines from prison. whoever this new mystery VA is, he does a good job of capturing jeremy's vibe. i just hope jeremy doesnt get pushed to the wayside in future eps...bring my boy back....he's dating candace he should be around more often

2025 is a good year to be a bufordhead

i think everyone who is questioning why/is disappointed about doof being evil again/candace busting again needs to relax. it's a heavily formulaic cartoon get over it

this isn't about s5 specifically but i like pet mode perry more than agent perry and these new eps had a lot of really good pet mode perry moments so it just got me thinking about that. hes just a little loaf of a creature with nubby paws who loves his family so so so so so much

[donvampiro]

Hi hope it’s not to late to request would it be ok if I request Luffy , Nami and Sanji with a reporter darling who tends to get in trouble a lot with the marines please 🙏 (if possible can the reader be female if not gn is fine ^^) hope your doing ok and drinking plenty of water ! ❤️

hey @ladydoe8 ! hope you're doing good :D don't worry, it's not too late! that's a cute and fun idea hehehe >:) thanks for your request. hope you'll like these hcs; stay hydrated as well! Love <3

***

'Newsflash'

Luffy, Nami & Sanji x (reporter) gn!reader

Monkey D. Luffy

Luffy considers your job great because the pictures you take (more than the information you add to them) seem like souvenirs to him. (he also hopes that you’ll take a picture of him and his crew when he becomes King of pirates). he’s not really into reading the papers but might start buying them just to see your articles, or even cut out the pictures you take if he or his crew are in them.

that being said, no matter what your job is, Luffy is quite protective of you. he’s more discreet than his crewmates about it though, in that he prefers to focus on the main fight to keep everyone safe, like any good captain would do. but he’ll always be there for you.

even if you’re the type to get into trouble, he won’t blame you. he’ll always arrive just in time to help you — because whatever happens, even hidden behind his nonchalance and innocent smile, Luffy always keeps an eye on you. and he sets very few (if any) limits when it comes to your safety.

he’ll never shame you for your clumsiness or whatever. the most important thing for him is that you’re safe, that you’re alive. he’ll probably never tell you about this, but Luffy never wants to lose people he cares about again. and for that, he’s willing to save you from any situation that exists.

‘Sorry, Luffy, i messed up again…’

— ‘Naahh, don’t worry, (y/n)! it’s always fun to beat up some bad guys!’

Nami

Nami LOVES that you’re a reporter and, depending on what newspaper you work for, wouldn’t mind you doing an article or two about her… ;) apart from that, she thinks it’s an impressive job and probably very enriching. she reads the newspaper you work for, but simply keeps the issues that she thinks highlight your work.

she brags a lot about what you accomplish at work, while often (deliberately) forgetting to mention the fact that, to get all this information… well, you don’t hesitate to put yourself in danger quite a lot.

Nami isn’t the type to stop you from going out into the field; still she couldn’t help but feel a kind of tension whenever she sees you leaving the team to go take photos or gather information, because she always has this (right) intuition that you’re going to get into trouble.

if you have a problem, she will always come to your rescue. no one has the right to hurt you >:( however, once you guys are back on the ship and safe, she would come and talk to you privately to remind you to stop putting yourself in such dangerous situations. Nami doesn’t mince her words and what she would say could sometimes come across as harsh reprimands, but she’s just worried about you.

‘it was stupid of you to go there! be more careful next time…’

Vinsmoke Sanji

he finds your job admirable and necessary — but above all because it’s you who does it. the most important thing for him is that you’re blooming in your job. Sanji religiously buys and reads the newspaper you work for, he might even cut out your articles and put them in a small album. he doesn’t hesitate to compliment you on your writing and would give you ideas when you’re lacking inspiration.

Sanji looks up to your work for the risk-taking and creativity it entails. these are concepts that resonate with him, to a lesser extent. however, he still feels a bit nervous from time to time because he knows that your job sometimes involves putting yourself in perilous situations — which is something that often happens to you quite… naturally.

far from being the type to scold you or whatever, Sanji would never miss an opportunity to save you like a knight flying to the aid of his partner in distress. he would do it in a somewhat dramatic manner so as not to worry you as well as to hide his own anguish (in the heat of the moment at least).

he’ll never blame or shame you. however, once you’re both together, in private, in a safe and quiet place, Sanji will share his concerns with you. please listen to him, he really needs to get things off his chest. but no matter what, be assured he’ll always protect you.

‘hey, (y/n)... about earlier…’

[polkadotjohnson]

Interview: MURDERBOT Star David Dastmalchian Likes His Humans Bloody and Complicated

[Warning: mention of Gurathin's past but no spoilers]

In the early episodes, Gurathin is set up as an antagonist of sorts to Murderbot, but most of what he says is true.

David Dastmalchian: What Gurathin said is a thousand percent true. The SecUnit is totally weird. It’s malfunctioning. It’s not safe. Something is off. I don’t mean to correct the interviewer, but… here’s what’s so wonderful about the world Martha Wells created: more than one thing can be true at the same time. Surprise!

That’s what it’s like to be a human being. In reality, oftentimes stories are distilled down — and storytellers distill down ideas, concepts, and characters — into the simplicity of a binary: this is this, and this is that. That’s not the world Martha Wells was interested in creating. It’s not the world she created, and it’s not the world that [creators] Chris and Paul Weitz brought to life with Murderbot.

So is Gurathin right? Yes. Is Gurathin his own worst enemy because he has such a difficult time trusting and putting faith in others and allowing himself to be vulnerable to others? A thousand percent. The masterwork of the way that they put this show together was creating this ensemble, these incredible actors in those scenes where you might see me or my approach to the character as antagonistic, I’m just trying to get in there and understand.

Gurathin is a great reflection for me on my life. I often go through the world just on the aggressiveness of the attack, looking for what’s wrong with things. Sometimes, when you think about Dr. Mensah’s (Noma Dumezweni) approach, like, “Let’s sit back, let’s talk about this,” as they say. Gurathin’s like, “Fuck that. We don’t need to talk about shit.”

I just watched episode seven. Without spoiling it, we learn about Gurathin’s complicated past. How much did this reveal influence your choices in the first few episodes? 

David Dastmalchian: I haven’t really gotten to talk about this in the press, but we’ve done a number of conversations now — you and I — and I can tell you, showing up to work that day, for that scene that I know you’re referring to, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do as an actor. I was coming up on, at that point, my 22nd year in a journey of mental health and sobriety. I was going to be performing dialogue that was so incredibly written and that was so incredibly personal in a way nobody even realized how personal it was.

And yeah, I was able to look into the eyes of Tattiawna, Akshay, Sabrina, Tamara, and ultimately Noma, and what an incredible director, Roseanne [Liang], we had that day. She just gave us this space to feel safe and go there.

But it was intense and powerful, man. I watch the show with people I love every week. Tomorrow night we’re gathering with Bryan Fuller and my little group of friends to watch the show, but when that episode comes in particular, I don’t know if I want to show up that night. That’s going to be a hard one. But it’s beautiful. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m grateful that the universe provided such an experience for me and that Paul and Chris created that.

After that scene, did it feel cathartic? What went through your mind?

David Dastmalchian: I fell into my mind — I probably didn’t really do this, but in my mind — I collapsed in the arms of my castmates. They just lifted me up so much that day, as did the director, writer, and showrunner. Every day on that show, everyone was so there for you and made you feel safe and supported. But that was a big one.

I remember going home and sitting there and doing an online support group that I logged into that night, and I felt proud. I felt like, wow — I was able to be professional, show up, do the work that I was called upon to do while navigating stuff that felt personal and emotional. I like to think it didn’t detract in any way from the work, maybe even enhanced it. But whatever came of it, I do think there’s — even if it’s a micro drop of extra something in there — how could there not be, considering how personal that story was? Gurathin was speaking for David at that moment.

Something always apparent in speaking with you is you deeply feel what a character feels. Have you always had this level of sensitivity to the characters you play? 

David Dastmalchian: It's really important for me to be aware of myself and aware of how much the work or the character is affecting me personally, and that can transcend just the themes or the emotionality of the character. Sometimes it's the long hours, sometimes it's the demands of repetitively getting to emotional states of being. I have an incredible network of support in friends, family, sobriety, and mental health that I lean on so that I don't have to — I’ve just gone on and told you how much I leaned on my cast, but in the way that I think is healthy, in the way that we can creatively be there together. 

While at the same time, it's important for me to invest the time and energy into taking care of myself and being aware, going, “Oh my God, wow, this role is bringing stuff up for me.” There's stuff physically as you progress through this season —the threat of danger, real danger, and violence happens in really intense ways. So, there are things that my body and my voice and my person got the opportunity to experience. Even though I know it's all make-believe — you walk away at the end of the day — your body didn’t know that that didn't really happen. So, it’s just an evolving toolkit of ways of checking in with myself and staying healthy.

[is-the-fire-real]

Conversion student, Masorti tradition, with a Sephardic community and an Ashkenazi Rabbi.

I've struggled a LOT with the concept of G-d. I have a differing perspective than most of the Jews you're talking about, though, for obvious reasons.

I was raised in a Christian-ish cult. This cult was extremely centered on a Heavenly Father. They are obsessed with him. They taught me a lot about how to pray and how to worship and so forth. They used my belief in Heavenly Father to trap me further into the cult. I wanted to believe in a Heavenly Father because a lot of really horrible things happened to me as a child. I wanted to feel like someone cared about me. No one in my life did, including cult members, so I figured Heavenly Father was obliged to.

I prayed a lot as a child. Until once I prayed for a miracle, a miracle my elders promised me would absolutely happen because my faith was pure and I was loyal and Heavenly Father was real and he would listen, and...

... nothing happened.

Nothing ever happened.

For a long time, I took that personally: as G-d simply not listening or caring. But eventually, long after I left the cult, I finally started thinking: It's because there's no G-d.

I engaged with neopaganism for a while. Nothing ever happened. I engaged with Buddhism for far longer. Nothing ever happened. I would still periodically pray when I was at my extremes of stress or pain or strife, and...

... nothing. ever. happened.

Religious trauma's damage cannot be overstated. It's not just the obvious and headline-grabbing stuff; it's stuff like what happened to me. Taking a child's natural sense of trust and twisting it for the purposes of cruel or indifferent humans. Building my expectations so high, and then blaming me whenever they failed. Taking lonely kids who have zero friends and telling them that G-d will be their friend, and then, when G-d isn't your friend... well, it makes sense nobody else likes you, right? After all, you've even been rejected by G-d Himself.

You don't just feel abandoned, you feel foolish for trusting G-d or anyone, and you feel foolish as an adult whenever you try to trust anyone. Anyone mentions G-d and you struggle not to roll your eyes because oh yeah this crap again, you're just trying to trick me into turning off my brain, I won't fall for it this time.

So why am I converting? What do I get out of it?

I started out mostly an atheist who admired so much of Jewish culture and thought that, to be honest, I was okay with being around people who talked about Hashem as though He spoke to them personally. I figured that if Jews pray the Shema, I ought to pray the Shema, and even if I didn't know how to feel about the subject of the Shema, it was important to do. That is how I have approached a lot of my conversion so far.

But. Like. In the past month or so? I think maybe I'm starting to glimpse Someone. I feel like learning about the real purpose of prayer has helped me to pray more effectively. The more I learn about how Jews as a people view G-d, the more that G-d seems like someone I could follow, and the more I start to suspect that maybe, possibly, He's there.

So much of the Torah describes Israel as a lover and G-d as a wooer. Well, how do you fall in love with someone if you never have a single disagreement with them, ever? If you never bicker? Maybe some folks are struggling with G-d as a concept because they want to know who they'd be loving, if the vulnerability is worth it. (Apologies to the aromantics out there.)

By wrestling with the concept of G-d, I came around to a better understanding of G-d, and feel far differently about Him than if I'd just been told at the outset "believe in Hashem or else you can't be a Jew".

Anyway, I have no idea if this will clarify anything for you, but it's what came to mind when I read your query. I would gently suggest it's not so much a Reform thing as a "humans that have been hurt very badly by other humans" thing.

I’m genuinely so confused at where this idea that Jews have this tradition of grappling with the concept of G-D comes from like?? Last time I checked like the most important thing in Judaism is to believe in Hashem ?? Like am I missing something cause I’m so ??? over this

[arbitrarykiwi]

Full of Surprises

Thanos / Choi Subong x Fem!Reader (college au)

Summary: you’re the star student on college campus, good grades, great attendance- the first person Thanos knew he would see in class and the last person he would expect to see smoking weed behind the college football stadium

Warnings: weed smoking , breaking into a locked place , relatively sfw , although this is sfw, this blog is 18+

When Thanos left his shitty, cramped dorm to go smoke by himself in some secluded part of campus- he did not expect to run into you.

It wasn’t that he didn’t welcome it, it was that you were the last person he expected to see smoking a blunt behind the campus’ big stadium.

Thanos was the epitome of future college drop out- he skipped classes, if he went he was high out of his mind and smelled like an ounce and a half. He failed all tests if he didn’t miss taking them in the first place. Somehow he managed to keep a high enough average to stay enrolled but needless to say, he wasn’t a star student.

You however? He knew you went to class, he couldn’t say if you went all the time because half the time he wasn’t in attendance, but every time he was in class- you were there sitting next to him. He’s seen your papers and tests getting handed back with large red ‘100%’, ‘80%’, he swears he’s never seen you get below as 75 on any assignment. When you were called on you knew the answer and could articulate your words in a way that had him wanting to pay attention- he never really did- but he did love your voice.

You were a star student, he would cheat off you for fucks sake. You were probably the one to thank for him not failing out entirely. You seemed to be intelligent- you actually understood the physics lecture and could grasp concepts he couldn’t even dream of understanding. You did not seem like someone who would go out of their way, come to the campus stadium, hide in the back away from security to smoke a blunt- much like he was going to do now.

But the universe had a habit of throwing curve balls at him, this was sure one of them, because as Thanos made his way to his normal smoking spot behind the massive football stadium that he’s gotten blackout drunk in on game days (more times than he could count), the spot that over the year no one but him had used- he found you.

Squatted down with your back to the concrete wall of the stadium, relighting a blunt. One hand flicked the lighter, the other cupping over the flame to block it from the wind. He watched from a good distance away as you flicked the lighter, once, twice, three times and nothing.

You’re chucking the dead lighter, the plastic bouncing off the pavement and sliding to a finish near the curb Thanos stood on.

“You need a light?”

Your head snaps up, instantly on edge thinking you were about to get caught smoking weed on campus. When you make eye contact with the eccentric purple haired male you knew from a few of your classes, you let your body relax.

“Hah…yeah, if you don’t mind.” You say, still a bit on edge, you didn’t exactly plan to socialize tonight- especially with the guy you let cheat off your tests so often.

Thanos takes a few steps forward, stretching out his hand and flicking his own lighter and holding it out to you, “C’mere then, I don’t bite.” It’s a shitty excuse to get you closer to him, for him to properly look at you.

He has a wide goofy smile on his face, head tilted to the side. It’s hard to be defensive and on edge when he’s offering you the solace of a lighter. If you declined you’d have to walk all the way back to your dorm and you really didn’t want to do that so you’re matching his smile and standing up from your squatting position.

He always got glimpses of your side profile when you sat in front of him and not so ashamedly he’s started at the curve of your waist and ass when you lean over a bit to write something in your notebook. He knew you were pretty but he never got to properly look at him.

When you come closer, leaning into the flame, lighting your blunt Thanos believes that having someone in his usual smoking spot was the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

You keep eye contact as you light your blunt, the orange-red hue lighting your face up in a warm light that just highlights and contours your face in the most perfect way. Thanos thinks you must be a siren with the way you look at him, eyes low and hazy, small smirk on your face. It’s like you’re trying to lure him into some depths he could never comprehend.

“Thank you.”

Your voice brings him out of his haze, one he didn’t even realize he was in. “No problem, sweetheart.” He tries the pet name out, saying it almost worriedly. He didn’t want you to be weirded out and leave, not when he just found the campuses prettiest little star student breaking code of conduct being the football stadium.

You don’t seem to mind it, in fact you seem to like it. Your smile widens as you take a drag of your blunt, french inhaling the thick yellowed smoke before exhaling. All without coughing.

“Any time.” Thanos replies, taking a few more steps and standing against the stadium next to you, “So, Miss. Bookworm,” the nickname makes you cringe and shake your head playfully, “didn’t take you to be one to….well do this.” He says, pointing to your blunt with his and waving his hands to emphasize how you two were currently hiding behind the stadium in an alley.

“Welll~” you draw out, tilting your head, “haven’t you ever been taught to not judge a book by its cover?”

Thanos chokes on the hit he just took when he laughs at your response. Pretty, surprising, and witty- oh, he liked you. “You’ve seen my tests come back, I don’t usually read or even look at the cover so…that’s my bad, sweetness.” He says putting up his hands defensively and clearing his throat.

You shrug, playfully rolling your eyes and taking another drag. You hold it for a moment before exhaling, “‘m sorry if I was takin up your usual smoke spot.”

Thanos shakes his head and dismisses you with a wave, “Nah, don’t even worry about it. I don’t mind a bit of good company.”

“What makes you think I’m good company, you hardly spoken to me.”

“You let me cheat off you and don’t snitch. That’s good people to me.” Thanos says, shrugging and taking an inhale from his own blunt. When he exhales, he’s tipping his head up and letting the smoke billow out from his lips in thick streams, his Adam’s apple bobbing when he swallows. Fuck he looked good. After his hit, his eyelids droop lower, a lazy smirk stretching across his face…fuck, he looked really good.

“Whatchu smoking on?” His voice feels like it’s wrapping you in a warmth that certainly wasn’t there (your nose was cold just a minute ago from how bad the wind was). Swallowing thickly, you’re turning towards him a bit, “wanna try?”

The question makes Thanos pants constrict almost immediately, you have a sly smile, your eyes low and hazed over just like his, your question far from innocent with the tone you’re using.

He nods, handing out his own half smoked blunt, “we can switch, make it even, hm?” He says, taking the blunt from your hand when you grab his. You both take a long drag, eyes fixed on each other. It feels like it’s an eternity but you know it was probably only seconds. When you both exhale your hits, a cloud of smoke blocks him from your view for just a a moment.

“D-damn…you’re smoking some strong shit.” Thanos says pleasantly surprised at the quality of the weed you had. He’s passing it back to you, making sure his hand touches your hand longer than it needs to in the exchange.

“What?! You think I’d smoke some weak shit? What I say about books and their covers?” You tease. When you pass the blunt back, you don’t hand it off to him like he did- you’re reaching out and grabbing a fist full of his shirt, pulling him down to your level. Taking one more hit of his blunt, eyes locked on his and faces inches apart, you’re pulling it from your lips and flipping it around- placing it in his mouth for him.

Before pulling away, your thumb is swiping across his bottom lip, a downright sinful smile on your face. “Sorry bout the lipgloss…”

You’re pushing him back upright and returning to your position further away from him. Thanos’ tongue is assaulted with the taste of his own weed and the sweet, strawberry flavor of your lip gloss.

Would he get kicked out of college if he fucked you against the wall of the stadium right where you two stand??

“I don’t mind it, I like the taste.” Thanos responds pulling the blunt from his mouth and licking his lips of the remaining sticky gloss. “Makes me want more.”

“Play your cards right and maybe you’ll get your wish.”

That short interaction was all it took for you two to talk for what felt like hours. You’re discussing life before college, random childhood stories, stories of parties your two have gone two- even finding out you both frequented the same college town bars, just on different days.

Thanos learns he loves your laugh and adores how when you talk about something you’re interested in you talk with your hands and stutter a bit- evidence of your excitement. He learns that you live in the same dorm as him just 3 floors up. He learns that he’s also in your history class (the one class he has never showed up for).

The conversation flows so naturally it takes the sprinkling of rain to turn into a torrential downpour for you two to realize it was raining. You’re both cussing and throwing up your hoods (it really does nothing) and trying to pocket the unfinished blunts before they get wet.

You both sink back under a thin awning, trying to take cover from the rain. “Well this is ass…” Thanos says, yelling a bit so you can hear him over the hiss of rain. You pout a bit, nodding your head. Thanos can see the gears turning in your head as you think something over.

“It doesn’t have to be though…” you say looking up at him, he furrows his eyebrows waiting for you to continue. “…you don’t mind getting more wet, do you?”

“I suppose not, we’re already drenched.” Thanos says chuckling grabbing at your hoodie that’s now 5 pounds heavier from being soaking wet.

“Good.”

You’re stripping yourself of your hoodie and kicking it up against the wall, keeping it out of the rain for the most part, “Follow me! C’mon!” You’re yelling out before you’re taking off from under the awning and sprinting down the sidewalk.

Thanos follows in your footsteps, taking off his jacket, piling it with yours and sprinting out in the rain after you. He can hear your laughter over the pouring rain, just edging him on to keep following you to wherever you had planned. He watches as you stop at one of the gates of the stadium pointing to it.

“It’s locked, well it should be.” Thanos says, jogging up beside you, looking more confused than ever.

“Well of course it is. Now help me up. I just have to get my foot on there-“ you point to a bar far up at the top of the gate, “and I can swing myself over and let us in.”

Thanos looks at you bewildered for a second, you want to break into the college’s stadium. Now that’s not to be an expellable offense.

“What you scared?” You tease, putting your hands on your hips and staring defiantly up at him. It was cute, he thought, with your hair matted down to your face and how you were standing, you reminded him of a wet puppy that was begging for just a few more moments of play time outside.

“Fucking hell- up you go.” He’s rolling his eyes and grabbing you by the waist. You expected him to maybe kneel and boost you up that way- nope. He’s hauling you up in the air by the waist and sitting you on his shoulder as he walks over to the gate.

Still surprised he just lifted you so easily, you’re looking down at him dumbfounded.

“What? You scared?” He mocks, raising his tone an octave higher to mimic your voice. You’re scoffing and flicking the side of his head before kicking a leg out to step on the bar you needed to. Propelling yourself up, you’re swinging a leg over the gate and hopping down to the concrete on the opposite side.

He watches on from behind the bars of the gate as you’re unlatching the deadbolts and pushing the gate open. He doesn’t have time to ask you how you knew exactly what gate to use or inquire on how you knew exactly how to unlock it so fast because you’re grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him in.

You run through the inside section of the stadium, under the bleachers. It’s a straight shot out into the massive, empty stadium and that’s exactly where you’re headed.

The second your foot hits the turf you’re releasing Thanos’ wrist and twirling around gleefully. He just watches for a moment, taking in how you run around the field, stopping every so often just to look up at the sky and feel the rain hit your face- it’s childish, nostalgic, reminds him of when he was young and splashing through puddles.

After another leap, your feet splashing into a puddle you’re turning around and pouting- looking at Thanos who stands still. A couple strides and you’re in front of him. “Come on! Loosen up! Have some fun! Tell me, when’s the last time you frolicked through a field in the rain?!”

He laughs, “probably when I was maybe 5…”

“Exactly!! And it was fun then! Why can’t it be fun now?”

You grab his hands in your and pull him forward a bit so you both are standing foot first in a puddle. You jump, it’s small, but when you land you’re splashing water up onto his legs and busting out into a fit of giggles.

Your laughter is infectious, your energy is infectious.

Thanos is smiling, laughing with you and taking you by the hand. He raises his arm up spinning you around. Once you’re facing him again he smiles, his free hand comes to rest on your waist.

With one tap on your waist, his smile is widening, “Tag. You’re it.”

He’s off before you can even complain, laughing back over his shoulder. You’re taking off after him, making good distance- so much so that he’s turning back around and mumbling a ‘oh shit!’ before running faster. How the fuck are you this fast?!

You two are playing around for a long while, splashing through puddles, dancing in the rain- so long that the rain eventually stops, settling down to a light mist.

Thanos catches up to you, scooping you up in his arms in the middle of the field and spinning you around, repeating a song-song chant of ‘you’re it!’ before setting you back down on the ground.

You spin around and smile up at him, taking a small step forward, “see!! It was fun!! And now we’re just in time for the best part.” You say grabbing his hands and swinging them in between the two of you.

Thanos laughs, nodding, “it was fun, pretty girl…and what surprise could you possibly have up your sleeve now?” He says, squeezing your hands slightly.

Releasing one of your hands from his you point over to the bleachers across the field. “We gotta go up to the top, I swear it will be worth it.”

“Alright, I’ll trust you- you’ve given me a fun fuckin’ night so far…” You nod, your grin widening, “perfect! Okay….race you!” You’re bolting off in the direction you were just pointing.

“Oh come on!!! That’s so unfair!” Thanos groans like he’s annoyed yet he’s breaking out into a full sprint behind you. He catches up easy, coming up behind you and scooping you up bridal style as he runs.

“Hey!! That’s unfair!!” You protest, kicking your legs trying to get out of his grasp. Thanos slows down to a jog then to a walk, coming to a stop right in front of the first step of the bleachers. “You seem to like unfair~” He teases back, placing you back down on the grass.

His tattooed hand reaches out and brushes strands of wet hair out of your face, “but unfair or not~ I 100% won.” Thanos winks, placing his hands on your waist and spinning you towards the bleachers.

“Lead the way princess”

You nod and begin to pull him up the bleachers. The rain has stopped and both of you are soaked. Water drops behind you both, wetting the metal stairs as you run up to the top of the bleachers.

You have Thanos by the wrist dragging him up and up and up each step of the stadiums seating. Your pace speeds up, wanting to get to your goal in time for your grand finale.

You can feel Thanos begin to drag, you have to pull harder to get him to keep coming. “C’mon!! Don’t tell me you’re tired~ we’re almost there!” You call back to him, tugging him forward to your destination.

“I wasn’t expecting to sprint up bleachers after racing you, I’m not exactly athletic.” He laughs through heaving breaths, soon coming to a halt at the highest row of bleachers with you. It’s directly in the center of the highest part of the stadium that has the chairs facing east.

You’re turning sideways, squeezing down the row for a couple steps before plopping down in one of the plastic seats and pulling him down next to you.

Out of breath and admittedly confused, Thanos looks at you- hair weighed down with water and sticking to your face, clothes clinging to your body and shirt soaked through to where he could see the red lace bra you wore, and best of all- the cutest, most excited wide grin on you face.

When you see his bewildered look you’re giggling pointing over to the sky across from where you sat, “when the sun rises, and comes up over the top of the other side of the stadium….”

Thanos watches as your finger trails a path upwards to the sky above the two of you, “it sits riiiiight there. And with how high the bleachers are it always makes me feel like I could reach out and grab the sun if I wanted to.”

You’re looking up directly above you, one eye closed shut and squinting through your hand that’s outstretched to the sky. Just when Thanos thought someone couldn’t get more adorable, more endearing, you prove him wrong.

He doesn’t respond and the silence confuses you, throughout the night and the hours you two have talked back and forth- he did not seem like a quiet person. You pull your hand back down and turn to look at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“We can leave if you wanna, I know it’s kinda Stu- oh!”

You’re cut off by him cupping your face in his hands, pulling you over the armrest that separates the two of you and kisses you.

He tastes like weed and the mint gum he’s chewed throughout smoking the blunt and your time in the rain. His hands shift slightly, thumbs on your cheeks while the rest of his hand cradles the sides of you jaw and neck, painted fingers tangling in the hair at the bad out your neck

The way he’s kissing you is dizzying, you’re melting into it instantly, your hands grabbing at his jacket and pulling him closer to you. The kiss is languid and slow, evidence of both your stoned states. His tongue is licking across your lips, trying to taste every bit of you that he can.

You only part your lips just a little and his tongue is eagerly meeting yours in a wet mess. Every stroke of his tongue along yours is making your body heat up and your mind fill with static.

When you both pull away, needing the oxygen the kiss deprived you of, you’re connected by a string of saliva. It breaks and falls messily against both your chins.

Your eyes flutter open and Thanos is already looking at you, pupils blown wide and goofy smile across his face. His thumb wipes your chin clean and he’s speaking before you can even think of something to respond with after the kiss.

“What are you doing tomorrow.” The words fall from his mouth in rushed, jumbled syllables while he’s looking at you like a love sick puppy- pupils blown, panting, cheeks flushed and wide smile. Tattooed hands still cradle your face, now moving and smooshing your cheeks together.

“Schtudying for the tescht that’sch the day after.” You say giggling, words slurred with the way he holds your face.

“We have a test?!? I’m so fuck-” Thanos yells, his voice echoing through the empty stadium. This time it’s his face being squished. You’re launching yourself off the bleachers to lean over to him. Grabbing the back of his head with one and covering his mouth with the other.

“Shhhh! You don’t want security to come and kick us out now do you?! We’d miss the sunrise!” You say laughing in a hushed tone, nose brushing his with how close you were.

“Wha- ew! Did you just lick me?!” You say, ripping your hand off his mouth and jumping back. You’re wiping it on his jacket dramatically, stomach staring to hurt from laughing.

His laugh practically harmonizes with yours as he nods, “Yeah, and I can’t believe you have an issue with it when I just had my tongue down your throat.” Thanos teases, poking your side.

You roll your eyes and playfully shove him, “you’re so gross! And yes, we have a test.” Thanos’ face falls, thinking about having to deal with the blow of failing another test.

“How about~” you coo, “you join me and we study tomorrow-“ You raise your hand to stop Thanos from protesting when you see his mouth open, “and if you can study with me and answer the questions needed, we can go out on a date for dinner, hm?”

Now that Thanos could get behind. He’s nodding in agreement and grabbing your waist, pulling you onto his lap in one swift movement. Your back is against his chest and his chin is resting on your shoulder before you can even let out your squeak of surprise.

“We can talk more about studying tomorrow, right now we’re gonna miss the sunrise.” Thanos says, placing a gentle kiss on your shoulder.

“Didn’t think you’d be this interested in the sunrise…is this about the test?” you respond teasingly, knowing he’s trying anything to get the conversation off of the impending test.

“Yeah you know, ‘s like you said, about the books and their covers ‘n shit.” Thanos mumbles against your skin, squeezing you against him. “No more test talk- watch the sunrise, pretty.”

Hope you all enjoyed this one. I had this idea and just thought it was too cute not to write about!!! Love yew guys- <3 kiwi

Taglist: @namsgyu @nuttybeans @namgyucat @g1rlonth3intern3t @reilapse @yuuumeee

[the-autistic-vulcan]

A Little Disorder is Needed (Roommate!Vi x Reader Headcanons)

Request: hii!! do you think you could write smth about roommate!vi x reader? i think the concept would be really cute, love ur work btw <3

Description: Headcanons about being Roommates with Vi.

A/N: i love Vi so much, i think this will be alright, although i haven't written roommate related stuff before, so i hope i do well, not really many warnings, mostly fluff, kind of modern au

gif credit: @arcanegifs

Vi has the energy of a person that comes to places uninvited - so you can kind of expect her arrival and inserting herself as your roommate to be unceremonious

Presumably, you both know each other from miscellaneous adventures in the Underground (mostly you pulling her out of trouble)

For the most part, she is a pretty alright roommate

She cleans up after herself, she takes care of her own messes and she doesn't subject you to just do it yourself

One evening though, you had been pretty stressed out - your landlord drops something in the mail

You were home alone that morning so you open it not expecting anything too pressing

Only to be left in horror when you see that half of your rent hasn't been sent in yet

You were fairly good with your rent money, and Vi was the only other person in your apartment, so you call her

It took three calls to finally reach her, and she's graced with your worried tone over the phone

When you tell her she forgot to pay her half of the rent for the month, she's mortified, swearing up and down that she'd make it up to you

Luckily, your landlord gave a deadline, so she managed to hand it in as soon as possible

After that incident, you both sat down at the dining table to talk

"Vi, I really don't appreciate sometimes that you don't tell me these things."

"I wanted to. Really I did, but...I guess I just have other things hanging over my head.

You sighed, "Just know that if you do that again, or me for that matter, we have to move out."

"I know." She said, simply

After that, the both of you promised to hand in each half on time

Vi even offered to do chores that you would typically do because she felt so guilty about it - even if it was like three months after the incident and you were over it

Vi is genuinely a good roommate, and the more time you spend with her, you both watch your favourite movies together, tv shows, cook and clean - even go shopping together for supplies, even for one little thing

Perhaps the two of you may lead up to something more. But that's for another time to discuss

Edit: I apologize for these being slightly rushed because I've had a lot of things happening this week. I do hope you all still like it.

Like, Comment, Reblog! Got any ideas? Drop them in my inbox!

[cilleatandserve]

ᴇᴠᴇɴ ɪꜰ ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛꜱ

Masterlist

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Prostitute(reader)

Warnings: Prostitution from young age, hinted sa, oral f, oral m, slight bruising, anal, yearning

A/N: Not too proud of this one- feels rushed but don’t want to rewrite. Influenced by my own experiences (not romanticized). Sorry for mistakes!!

“Don’t let the lines blur between business and pleasure”

Says your supervisor, her thick New Jersey accent echoing through your head. One rule, drilled into you since day one.

You’d worked in a brothel for what felt like your whole life. Although you preferred the term, independent contractor.

Also forming a deep sisterhood with the young girls you grew up with, being forced into the harsh industry at an inexperienced age. After a while, everything fades into eachother. Every touch, kiss, word. Becomes a repeat of a past encounter.

You were popular amongst the rest. Not the oldest nor youngest, just in between. You presume it for your curves, to which you had a love hate relationship.

Love was a foreign concept. A social construct, really. You'd seen its messy reality first hand from your clients. They get clingy and then dump you. Even in your colleagues, they’d accidentally fall in love with their customer and end up a single mother. Ofcourse you never reciprocated. All times but one.

Your first time. A memorable time that you couldn’t quite remember. Fragments come in dreams, or rather in nightmares. “It’s your turn to l-”

You shoot back awake, someone’s head between your legs. Fuck. Sleeping on the job would ruin your reputation.

“What do you want me to do to you?”

You hear from below. You had seen this type one too many times. Old men with unsatisfied wives trying to please short lived needs.

“Whatever.”

You say resting on your elbows before resting your head. The comfort of the bed a contrast to the discomfort of the fat fingers surrounding your neck.

You weren’t afraid of walking home late. After all you could gain more clients. That was a joke. You enter your personal haven. Although not so personal, you had a roommate. You’re bonded by the trauma of the brothel. Bonds are really all you need to survive in this world.

…

“Y/n. You need to be careful. One day you’re going to visit the wrong man and who’s going to help you?”

I examine the purple bruise on my neck, pressing a wet cloth on it. “I don’t need help. I’ve made it this far through the absence of said.”

…

The brothel was never boring. You listened to the girls' troubles, offering a comforting presence. You braided the hair of the youngest, barely 18, who reminded you so much of yourself. You couldn't help but feel protective, especially when she mentioned her upcoming appointment with your least favorite type of client – gangs.

But she didn’t have the status like you, the option to decline. You listened to her express her distaste, and you couldn't help but step in. "I can pick it up. I'm free Saturday."

…

Was it worth the hugs you got?

You think as you approach the Shelby house. You had four spoken rules: No gangsters, No attached feelings, Saturday’s off, and the ability to stop whenever necessary. Although you rarely stopped, only when the hallucinations are vivid.

…

You were better than average for a whore, he’ll admit that. Explains the price, although you couldn’t be a day over 25. He puts out his cigarette before insisting on opening the door himself to his maids.

…

“Sorry. You’ve been in the business for how long?” He almost coughs on his whiskey.

“A little less than a decade.” You expected a more interesting gang leader. Good God.

“Don’t be scared. I don’t bite.”

Ofcourse his first impression is a scared little girl. How much more small talk is necessary?

“Come here. On your knees.”

You unconsciously get up, kneeling before him. Looking up at him through your eyelashes.

“Keep your eyes on me.”

He says as he unzips his pants, letting his cock spring free. Which was bigger than average, just saying.

“Go ahead.”

You stick your tongue out. You had done this a hundred times, yet your hands still got sweaty in your lap. Remembering the limited patience, you wrap your pink lips around his tip. As you begin to move downwards, you feel a thumb at your cheek. The cold pad almost waking you up.

“Take your time.”

You swirl his tip around in your mouth, watching him adjust his hips and rest his head back. You focus on his groans as you hollow your cheeks and move upwards and downwards. His hands tangle in your hair, urging you forward as he struggles to keep himself together.

He pulls you up with a pop and grabs your chin, rough but not enough to hurt. Not long after, he lends a hand to lift you and lead you to the bed. Lifting up your dress, he eyes you up and down. His gaze staying on the bruise on your neck a moment too long. Flipping you over onto your stomach, he allows you to get comfortable as he rips a condom with his teeth

…

Before you know it, he’s plunged into you and as a response you exhale loudly and grip his bed sheets. He didn’t mind this sight. It’s like you were made for him. So tight. Perfect. He lifts you up effortlessly, still inside you as he explores your body, one hand grabbing your round boob. Quiet you were. Trained? Maybe.

…

A shiver crawls down your spine at the feeling of him groaning into your neck, along with the lukewarm splatter of seed on your back.

“I’d be horrible if I let you walk home this dark.”

If you were coherent, you would’ve protested. Too bad.

…

You wake up with an arm heavy on your chest, bare. Stupid. You thought, you had other clients soon. You gently remove the hand and get up, finding your under garments at different points of the room. Soon enough, your ruckus wakes him up.

“I didn’t take you for a snooper.”

“What did ya take me for?” I reply as I slip on the dress

“Will I see you again?”

…

Like you said before, one of your rules was no attached feelings. Another was no gangsters. It seemed you'd broken both. Or, at least, you were on the verge of it.

Your thoughts are blocked out as you hit your climax, your toes curling. Thomas Shelby sits before you, merely using his tongue and fingers to drive you insane.

…

"Cigarette?"

He offered, and you declined. He set the pack down along with a wad of cash, looking up at you expectantly.

You took the money and stuffed it into your pocket, a little unsettled by the question he asked next. It was a question clients rarely asked.

“How many this week?”

“Er. I only have 5 booked.”

“Day off?” He replies almost immediately, filling up two glasses of whiskey

“Saturday.”

“Let me take you out for dinner?”

You hesitate. “Business?”

“Sure.”

….

[mouwriter]

Hi again! Thank you very much for writing my request, I absolutely loved it!!! <3 I hope you post again soon, your writing is very good. Is it ok to ask for a part 2? It can go however you want, if you need any ideas I imagine they would probably show their interest in subtle ways, like cleaning/fixing reader's equipment, leaving anonymous gifts, etc, or maybe something regarding reader taking care of their wounds? It's really up to you. If you don't want to write this I understand and feel free to ignore, I appreciate you taking your time to read this, take as much time as you need, thanks again! <3

I LOVE THIS CONCEPT IM SO HAPPY TO WRITE MORE OF THIS <3

i gotta be honest though (short tangent here), i have been writing a LOT but just not posting it.... specifically mandalorian reader x tbb....

alr so the real truth is that it's a self ship type thing?? but like. i've been thinking about posting it as an x reader thing, just changing the name to y/n and stuff (cause idk about you guys but i don't like reading x reader fics where the reader is named lol)

so uhh lmk if you guys would be interested in that!! anyways tangent over <3

wc: 1.5k

bad batch x medic!reader (part II)

characters: echo, crosshair, wrecker, hunter, tech

It was a short mission—or, it was supposed to be a short mission. So, they’d told you to wait on the ship.

But an hour passed, then two, and you started to get worried. Of course there was Echo, constantly updating you over his comm device, but it wasn’t much to go off of.

A few minutes the thing would crackle to life in your ear:

“We’ve just reached the facility; we’ll be in and out. You doing okay back at the ship?”

“Some… complications have come up. Shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to resolve. Wrecker says hi. I say hi, too.”

You thought you heard him smack himself before the comm cut out, and you giggled to yourself. Still, you were worried. The last update you’d gotten was approximately fifteen minutes ago.

“Our objective is complete—we’ll be seeing you soon. Stay safe until we get there.”

He also told you to keep the doors to the ship shut, but at this point you were keeping them open just to watch for them.

You sat in the threshold, bouncing your knee while your fingernails tapped the durasteel floor. 

You reached for the comm device, about to ask for an update, but you heard blaster fire. 

Leaping to your feet, you spotted the force at once. They exploded from the tree line, and you counted four forms barreling towards you. Concerned, you hopped out of the ship and started jogging towards them, squinting to see who was who.

Tech was up front, gesturing wildly to the ship. You realized he was probably shouting something into his comm, but you’d left the device back in the threshold of the ship. Echo followed him, pointing to his comm. You shook your head, coming to a stop. You still had to make sure they were all there.

Wrecker and Hunter brought up the rear. Wrecker was carrying something—someone, you realized with relief. Crosshair was tossed over his shoulder like a sack of vegetables, and you saw a blaster in his hand.

A few seconds later you saw who he was shooting at. Probably the local militia, by your reckoning. 

“Separatists!” Echo’s voice found your ears at last. You realized that if they were close enough to be heard, you should probably start running, too.

You turned heel, bolting back to the ship. But they were all faster than you, and you found yourself beside Hunter as you all booked it.

“What happened to ‘a short mission’?” you panted, side-eying him.

You heard him sigh before he suddenly fell behind you, just in time to get shot square in the back by a blaster.

“Hunter!” 

He shoved you roughly into the ship behind everyone else before leaping in after you, slamming the switch to close the door.

“Tech!” he rasped, out of breath.

“Already on it,” Tech’s even voice came from the cockpit. In seconds the ship was off the ground, and in a few seconds more you were in space. You all hardly had time to find something to ground yourselves with.

“What happened?!” you fretted, pacing between them all to glance them over.

Wrecker ripped off his helmet, ruddy-cheeked and gasping for air. “We had to run all the way back.”

“Well, yeah, but—” you shook your head. “Who else is injured?” 

You reached for Hunter. You could practically hear the grin in his voice when he chuckled tiredly, sliding his pack from his shoulders to reveal that the blaster had only hit the pack.

“You clever thing,” you huffed, fake-punching him on the arm.

“Didn’t wanna give you any more work than you were already gonna have,” he said, gesturing.

You turned around and immediately looked at Crosshair; he was the one being carried. He had pulled off his helmet and was examining the thing in his lap.

He straightened as you approached, and you put your hands up in surrender. “Can I look you over?”

He rolled his eyes, scooting away. But you took that as an invitation to sit next to him. 

“I’m fine. Wrecker was only carrying me because—”

“Because you were being slow!” Wrecker jumped in, scowling at Crosshair. 

“I was firing back at the troops who were actively shooting at us.” The fire in his gaze dimmed before he glanced at you again. He leaned in ever so slightly, murmuring: “I’m fine. Trust me.”

He planted his hand on your shoulder, pushing himself up and heading to the cockpit. But you noticed the way his hand subtly dragged down your arm as he walked away. You blinked at him, a chill running down your back. But he didn’t turn around to look at you as he disappeared into the cockpit.

“Uh, how about you, Wrecker?”

He visibly lit up at the sound of his name. “Oh, you know me. I’m practically indestructible!”

You tilted your head, only partly returning his massive grin. The grin didn’t last long—it quickly turned into a pout as he looked at his left arm, rotating his shoulder.

“Except… I think I got nicked on the arm…”

You got to your feet, crouching down next to him on the ground. You could see that his blacks were torn on the inner part of his left arm, which he held out for you to examine.

“Not too bad. Let me get some dressings.”

You stood up to get your pack, visualizing what you needed. Probably just a square of gauze and—

The gauze pocket was completely empty. You knew you were running low, but not this low!

Then again, I did patch up that kid on Ryloth… 

You bit your lip. What else could you use? Maybe if you cut a bit of your clean clothes, or—

“You’ll probably need a five by five,” Tech’s voice came from behind you.

“Well, yeah, but I don’t have any gauze,” you huffed, turning to face him. 

Your eyes immediately landed on the piece of gauze he was holding out to you. In his other hand was a small box; you recognized the packaging. It was all gauze.

“I noticed you ran out on our last mission. I figured you’d restock it yourself, but I got some just in case.”

“It’s a good thing you did!” You beamed, throwing your arms around him.

The gauze box fell to the floor, and you pulled away. “Sorry,” you chuckled, picking it up. “But thank you, Tech. Seriously.”

Tech fixed his goggles, avoiding your gaze. It was dark in the ship, but you perceived a faint hint of redness on his cheeks. “Well… I’m just making sure you can do your job.” He cleared his throat. “And here’s some bacta; I got this, too. Just in case.”

You nodded. It really was a superficial wound; you would’ve gotten away with some gauze and wrappings on anyone else, but you both knew Wrecker.

You tied the wrapping on his arm, gently tucking your finger under the fabric to check the tightness.

“Does that feel too tight?”

Wrecker bent his arm and straightened it again, examining your work. “Feels great! You always take care of me.” He grinned, clapping you on the shoulder with his other hand. 

You smiled, standing up and handing him his top. Your finger found the tear in one arm, and you held up the garment contemplatively. “I don’t think you’re gonna want to wear this.”

Wrecker planted himself on a seat, reclining with a sigh as he placed his hands behind his head. “Nah, I’m good.” He flashed a grin at you.

You couldn’t help but side-eye him, folding the top over your arm. “I’ll get you a blanket.”

There was a blanket laying somewhere around the bridge; you just couldn’t remember where. 

As you rummaged through one of the supply crates, you noticed Hunter approaching. He crouched down to rummage through another crate next to you.

“You sure you’re okay?” you asked, glancing at him.

“Just a bruise; I already had Echo look at it.”

You nodded. “How about Echo?”

“He’s fine. His job was just to keep checking on you,” Hunter joked. 

“So I noticed.” You smiled.

Hunter lifted a blanket from the crate, shuffling so he was crouched at the other end of your crate.

“Oh, thanks.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” he retorted. “You do a good job.”

You tilted your head, taking the blanket from him. For a moment you both just held the fabric, looking at each other, lost in thought. 

“Thanks,” you said again, more slowly this time. “You do a good job, too.”

“Even though I can’t keep ‘a short mission’ short?”

You snorted, jumping up. “Water under the bridge, sergeant. I’m just glad you’re all alive.”

He grinned at you as you walked away, reclining against the wall.

No matter how bad a mission went, they could always look forward to one thing: you.

yaaay ty for reading!! and tysm for this request, hopefully i can put out more of this soon... <3

[mystxmomo]

I love your posts on Vhaeraun! They're really grounded in his character and I appreciate that you went into the reasoning behind his actions while not dismissing that he sometimes does messed up things. I've been insane about drow lore for years now and I'm curious about your thoughts on Eilistraee. She's such an interesting character to me in that while she obviously cares about the drow and seeks their freedom the way she goes about it come off almost naive at times. But at the same time she has a deep melancholy and temper. And she opposes Lolth but her clergy still operates similarly at times with the exclusion of males and almost dogmatic reluctance to accept change. Idk I think her contradictions are interesting and she's not frequently explored beyond a shallow, romanticized lens. Sorry for ranting lol but if you have any thoughts on her I would love to hear them!

Yeeeah. I'm glad you sent this, actually. I have another ask that I'm writing up a longer answer for dealing with Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship, and to get into why I see their relationship like I do I had to sit down and spend the first part of that analyzing her character. So, I'm actually happy that I have the chance to separate the post into parts, both for length and just keeping things concise.

First off, yeah. I think the important thing about DnD gods is that they're as "human" as they are. They're not omnipotent, they're deeply flawed people and characters with motivations and histories that color their perspective on things. I think a more grounded approach to them is "the correct one" (in as much as any interpretation in DND can be a correct one, but my thoughts on that still remain that they're just building blocks for you to do as you'd like with.

Now. This post is going to be equally long. I actually have a lot of thoughts on Eilistraee, but to explore the thoughts that I have on her we need to go into the bigger real world concepts that influence her and the idea's around her. So, I do feel that a few disclaimers going into this before I hit it with our read-more are necessary.

I'm going to format this post a little differently than I did Vhaeruan's. The thing about Vhaeraun's character is that within the books and DnD proper, he's meant to be an evil. Right. So it's not very hard to get people on board with the idea that in their attempts to demonize him, they managed to create a compelling abuse narrative. However. Eilistraee and her church, as you mentioned, often ends up getting seen through this incredibly romanticized lens especially within in the role she plays in drow society. So when her church doesn't have the best portrayal in these books, there's seemingly this community impulse to disregard those portrayals as something lesser or like they hold less narrative weight because they don't play into the better parts of the church.

So I want to start this post by creating a groundwork using things that are strictly from the source books and official magazines, and then building on that to lend weight to the portrayals her and her church is given within the novels. And then I will get into sourcing things like Evermeet, War of the Spider Queen, and Lady Penitent when I talk about Eilistraee and Vhaeraun's relationship.

Secondly, you'll notice I mentioned her church a lot here. Eilistraee is in an interesting position. Unlike Vhaeraun and Lolth (Of who I believe the books are rather explicit about where and how their motivations differ from their churches) Eilistraee really doesn't get as much of that treatment. We're told some things about how she holds herself and what she values, but she's purposefully left as an enigma. You have to make a lot more assumptions about who she is based around the community around her.

Now, I DO think the gods are separate people from their churches, and often times do hold different views to the communities that are devoted to them. My favorite example being Vhaeraun being genuinely far more chill about woman than his church is, and you can see it in the way he has to go "Yes, oh my god, you even need to help the female drow rogues no matter what."

So, I want to explore her church and what is seen as "good" within it in relationship to her, though I do promise to account for the fact that it is not her. I just think that there are some conclusions you can draw about her based on her church.

Finally, same disclaimer I gave in Vhaeraun Analysis is worth giving here. I am about to focus on Eilistraee and her church in a lot of very critical ways. I don't hate Eilistraee, I think a lot of people do use character criticism as an excuse to engage in character hate, so I understand why people get a little defensive about it sometimes. But I think she's genuinely a very fascinating character, and the criticisms I have are part of the reason I'm so interested in her and who she is. I'm an author who's main interest comes from exploring these heavier themes of abuse and trauma and exploring how real world cultural influences show within art.

Basically. This is fun for me, and if it's not fun for you, you don't have to take my analysis as anything more then one persons insane ramblings on the internet. This is a red string board of media analysis. It's also a LOT more subjective and has a lot of my opinions baked into it as a result of what we're going to get into, so. Make of it what you will.

Now. This pre read-more part of the post is already quite long, but as a final note. I'm going to be getting into a lot of heavier topics here. Abuse is obvious given the drow, but I actually want to get into specfically emotionally abusive structures, what cultural catholicism is, and passive sexism (Especially with Gender Elitism) and how these ideas and their existence within our cultural effects her church.

Okay!

So, I will actually start on a more positive note:

I'm not going to be criticizing the nudity or sexuality of her church. I have made mention in the past that I'm of the belief that the drow and the cultures around it, despite often being played rather straight in-universe as horror and cult abusive narratives, were things created on a Doylist level to be very titillating, sexually explicit, and horrifying. I don't think this is a bad thing and I don't think it discredits the weight these characters and stories end up having. And in fact, I think these stories could only be as strong as they are because they were fueled by being as emotionally charged as they are (Sexuality is an emotion.)

I think. And I acknowledge that this one is a very subjective opinion, but my opinion you will have nonetheless. I think, in a time where cultural puritanical-ism is at it's height, it's actually growing to be very important to have casual portrayals of sexuality and nudity, let ALONE nonsexual nudity. I've always been of the opinion that it's fine. Let woman go topless (if that's something you want to explore of course, the beauty of DnD remains if you DON'T want to include it you don't have to. But to deny it as a source of inspiration would feel incorrect.)

So I'm not going to be criticizing the nudity and sexuality of it all when it comes to her church. I think it's fun, I think there are ways you can explore that in a meaningful way, and I think something is being done thematically there that's worth keeping and examining as is given to us.

Secondarily. While there are things I'm going to be critical of with her church, there are things I really, really love about her church. I think the thing that tends to draw people into her isn't all the things I'm about to talk about, but rather the focus on drow as a people with art, and culture, and community. And this is something I really like about her church as well. Having something that puts divine weight on the importance of these things speaks to a lot of people I think, especially given that DnD was created in fuckle America land of the "Continuing to cut more and more from arts and humanities and community everyday." Her religion really is the only of the drow religions that puts this much emphasis on celebrating that.

I like domestic fantasy. I prefer it to hero's journeys actually, but if I start talking about that I'll get off topic.

So yes. I think there is a reason she and her church gets as romanticized as it does. It's built into the text to be romanticized, because the people who originally made it were romanticizing it.

Okay. so with THOSE two things spoken for. Lets get into the nitty gritty.

DnD and it's alignment system, at it's core, has always had something of an issue with the cultural Catholicism of it all. Cultural Catholicism is the idea that when you're raised in a society where the dominant religion is Christian-Catholic, even if you yourself are not Catholic it's likely you'll still pick up idea's of Catholicism within your own morality, and that those ideas will be echoed within the media you consume because as it is the dominant culture it influences what is seen as acceptable. You don't have to be Catholic, or even be raised as Catholic, to end up holding a lot of trauma and shame regarding ideas that are only considered shameful through the lens of Catholicism. As an example, a lot of people are still taught to feel a lot of shame around nudity and sex as a result of living in a society who's dominant religion influences the way conversations around it are handled.

So. To make my point about this, I would like to start by exploring the concept of Sin Eating.

The Silver Haired Knights were a concept introduced in Dragon Magazine #315. Dragon Magazine, if you don't know, if an official supplement material in the age before the internet. Now, it's worth noting. This was 3e-3.5e, which was the start of their attempts to double down on the demonization of all drow. Nonetheless, I think they thought this was a good thing and I still see it talked about today in some communities as a Good Thing:tm:.

Sin Eating is an ability that the Silver Haired Knights contain. I'm going to copy and paste from the wiki rather than Dragon Magazine itself because it summarizes it far better than the Dragon Magazine article does, though the Dragon Magazine article isn't hard to find, I implore you to go read it for yourself to get the full context of the class.

Powerful Silverhair Knights had the ability to "consume sins", to take the full weight of cruelty and suffering inflicted by evil beings' (mostly fey, humanoids, monstrous humanoids, and giants, but especially drow) upon themselves, which gave the Silverhair Knights their nickname: sin eaters. This was a complex and dangerous ritual, taking some minutes, that required the sin eater to maintain uninterrupted physical contact with their subject. The subject creature could be willing or unwilling, usually kept bound in the latter cases, or else unaware of the sin eater's intent if the sin eater chose to disguise it. When fully performed, the target creature felt the weight of all their sins on their conscience, understanding firsthand the errors of their ways. In cases of success, the target creatures were freed from their evil, regretted their past actions, and chose a different path from evil, often taking after the Knight, while the sins themselves were absorbed into the sin eater's soul and destroyed in the light of their purity and faith. In cases of failure, the sin eaters themselves were overcome by the absorbed sins; filled with despair, grief, rage, drained of their vitality, and fell into a coma for a full day. This could potentially kill the sin eater, but they would rise again as a ghost, with the same evil ways as the one they had tried to redeem. A sin eater could only attempt this risky ritual once a week, and only perform it on an individual sinner once a year.

I think this is, a little gross actually! To view this as a moral positive you have to believe in four things.

One, that sin and the weight of it is real on a metaphysical level (I do not.) Two, that redemption is earned strictly with forgiveness (I do not), Three, that people who are "pure" are noble by nature of being pure (I do not) and Four, that doing things without peoples consent to make them a "Better Person" is an inherent moral good, and anything done in the name of making someone live a "more ethical lifestyle" is an equal inherent good (Which I REALLY do not believe in. What is "good." Why is "good." How are you so sure your idea of good is so correct that it is work inflicting violence upon another person over, and in this context, changing the core of who they are over.)

The modern idea of purity, sin, and redemption, all come from Christianity. It is the idea that you need to work to be forgiven. It puts moral weight on the guilt and discomfort people feel for not only their past actions, but the past actions of the community around them. That you need to save others from their sin and from "evil."

To DnD, Good and Evil have an Aesthetic. You can be a good person that does violent things so long as it's for "good" reasons, and you can be an evil person that does good things however those good things are still considered evil because you yourself are bad. It's this idea of evil not as this very nuanced ethical dilemma, but instead as something that can be "Removed" from someone. I do not believe in this. I don't believe in the concept of sin (In that I don't believe in the concept of spiritual transgression or the idea of it as a corruptive influence) I don't believe in the concept of redemption (On a religious level of being absolved of it). I believe in people and their actions and how they respond to their circumstance, and I believe in people choosing to do better than they did yesterday. And this is one of the big flaws of Eilistraee's church and world view to me. Because to believe in Eilistraee's Churches Dogma, you have to accept the idea that drow need to work to be accepted. That it is their moral responsibility to show other people that they deserve their place in the world. And I don't believe that.

Although her arrow went astray because of Araushnee's treachery, Eilistraee chose banishment from Arvandor (and the Seldarine) along with her mother and brother, foreseeing a time when she would be needed to balance their evil. On Toril, the Dark Maiden strove for centuries against the hatred of Vhaeraun and his corrupting influence on the Ilythiiri (southern, darkskinned elves).

We don't know how much of Eilistraee's churches dogma's are her own. But based around how she talks about and views the drow under her brother and her mother (Cited above), I am willing to make the assumption that she sincerely does believe they need to earn their place in the world. And that's... It's kind of a depressing world view, isn't it? No community needs to earn acceptance and approval of others. To be allowed to exist should be enough.

...

Not unlike how I think a lot of Vhaeraun fans want to kind of swerve around the drow racism of it all, I think a lot of interpretations of Eilistraee really don't want to acknowledge the sexism of it all. But not unlike how I think the racism of Vhaeraun is deeply important to understanding how he see's the world, Eilistraee's churches specific brand of sexism and how it is an echo of Lolth's is DEEPLY important to understanding her and the culture around her.

In a way, I think ignoring the sexism of her church is worse..? Because often times, I'm met with the impression that it's not that we're CHOOSING not to include it, it's that we're not aware that it is sexism, right? There are a lot of people who, because of the romanticized idea they have of her (and because, admittedly of my own belief, of what is normalized in our culture and dominant religions) just don't view her sexism as a sexism, or believe her churches sexism to be a less severe form of it. I think both in the real world and in the in-character context of the text, the passive sexism of Eilistraee's church tends to get downplayed because it exists in conversation with the more explicit and violent idea's of Lolth's church.

Let's talk about Gender Elitism. You're almost definitely familiar with the concept of it, but. Term needs described nonetheless.

Gender Elitism is the idea that some genders are inherently superior to others. That they are, by nature of the existence of being that gender, inherently more valuable, more knowledgeable, more deserving of privilege and authority. There is no way to build a truly inclusive community with any kind Gender elitism as the framework. The idea that woman are inherently more valuable or more knowledgeable or more spiritually attuned is in itself a sexist ideology, and in the real world is often a reflection of sexist ideas of the inherent spirituality of womanhood.

And well.

All clergy of Eilistraee must be female, but they may be of any intelligent race.

I don't think people are often willing to meet the text where it's at. in the books, there's very clearly a self aware inversion of patriarchy -> matriarchy and a destruction of passive patriarchy through the lens of fantasy sexism.

However. Unlike the cultural Catholicism of DND and it's surrounding idea's of good and evil, I actually don't mind it's inclusion within the text. The written prose with DND (in recent years) are generally actually pretty self-aware of this flaw of the church, and a lot of authors purposefully play into the themes of it. And it makes sense to have it be included within the world building given what what this religion is in response to with Lolth's being the dominant religion of society. Eilistraee's church tends to reach out and recruit fallen nobility, and these are woman who are going to keep the views and want to keep holding the power that they do within their communities.

When you look at the kind of sexism Eilistraee's church is guilty of when in contrast with Lolth's, it's more palatable it's something I think men and well meaning woman alike raised in a lolth society would see as better. These are a group of people who already grew up believing woman to be born intrinsically more important by nature of that birth-rite. I don't think it's bad writing to have the conclusion that the Good church comes to be "Because we're not beating and killing these men, we have defeated sexism," while not addressing the core of where that mentality came from, and as a result still replicating a lot of exclusion and dismissing the importance of the lives of the men around them. Because that's a reflection of real life. I think even in real life, people struggle to sympathize with men and especially men who are victims of abuse, and it's something that blinds them to how they're engaging with this media.

Instead, my argument is that it's bad media analysis to ignore thats whats happening in an attempt to stick to this romanticized idea of the church.

So. That's the two big things with Eilistraee's Church. That's the lead-up to exploring Eilistraee as a character. But what does all of this say about her. How do we explore Eilistraee as a person as a result of all of this. Because, as I mentioned, the gods are separate from their church. A lot of gods do hold different values to their churches and different idea's then what their churches end up doing.

So let's dial this back a little bit and actually examine Eilistraee as a person. I'm going to post how she's described, and then I'm going to go into the longest point I want to make about her.

Eilistraee is a melancholy, moody drow female, a lover of beau- ty and peace. The evil of most drow banks a burning anger within her, and when her faithful are harmed, that anger is apt to spill out into wild action. It is not her way to act openly, but she often aids creatures she favors (whether they worship her or not) in small, immediately practical ways. Eilistraee is happi- est when she looks on bards singing or composing, craftsmen at work, lovers, or acts of kindness.

Eilistraee (pronounced “eel-ISS-trayee”) is a goddess of song and beauty, worshipped through song and dance— preferably in the surface world, under the stars of a moonlit night. Eilistraee aids her faithful in hunting and swordcraft, and worship of her is usually accompanied by feasting. Eilis¬ traee has worshippers of human, elven, and in particular half-elven stock (partic¬ ularly around Silvery moon), and looks kindly upon the Harpers. She is usually seen only from afar, but her song (of unearthly beauty, driving many to tears) is heard whenever she appears. Roleplaying Notes: Eilistraee is a melan¬ choly, moody drow female, a lover of beauty and peace. The evil of most drow banks a burning anger within her, and when her faithful are harmed, that anger is apt to spill out into wild action. It is not her way to act openly, but she often aids creatures she favors (whether they wor¬ ship her or not) in small, immediately practical ways. Eilistraee is happiest when she looks on bards singing or composing, crafts¬ men at work, lovers, or acts of kindness.

....

It is of my opinion that, when you look at the Eilistrae-Vhaeraun Dynamic and how they were treated by Lolth and Corellon, you're looking at a classic Golden Child/Scrape Goat dynamic. This is important to mention here because I do think that's important context within how Eilistraee (the person) see's and understands the world, and where her mind is at when it comes to the perception of her sense of self.

To VASTLY oversimplify about how emotionally abusive family structures work by a lot, when you look at emotionally abusive families with siblings, you tend to find a pattern where one child ends up getting the bulk of the favoritism and affection (The golden child), while the other takes the bulk of the abuse and tends to take a of blame and is seen as being deserving of the abuse (The scrapegoat.) I'll get a little bit more into the specifics of what that means for their relationship in a later post.

Now. Calling her the Golden Child, but I don't think being the Golden Child is strictly a good thing. In a lot of ways, I think a lot of golden children end up very emotionally stilted, and I think you kind of see that in Eilistraee. She HAS to be the perfect one. And she's had this expectation to be The Good One placed on her shoulders since she was young. Golden Children are often blinded to the abuse their siblings face because they themselves are not subjected to the same kind of abuse.

I think you're right in that despite everything, I would consider her defining trait her naivete. And I think the issue with trying to get into that is that people have a very specific idea of what being naive is. Like I think a lot of people associate naivete with people who are very childish and hold themselves with a lot of immaturity, and I don't think that's true. I think Eilistraee holds herself with a lot of dignity and comes across as mature and gentle and soft spoken, and you feel the weight of her presence in a way that you don't realize until she's left.

Naivete is just a lack of wisdom, a lack of having experienced the thing first hand. Eilistraee grew up very sheltered. She was shielded from the worst of her mothers abuse as a result of being her fathers favorite. Lolth doesn't give her the same attention she gives Vhaeraun (Which is good, largely, considering what her attention entails), she disregards Eilistraee as foolish and cowardly and weak, so she doesn't bother at all. That she was so sheltered is the source of both her empathy and her blindness. She knows the sight of abuse, but I don't think she's experienced abuse to the same extent her brother has, let alone the people in her church have. So she doesn't understand it to the same degree.

Now. The other thing about Eilistraee is that I don't actually think she's as open as she implies she is. She's always come across to me as someone who's very guarded. On one hand, she's walking around nude and supposedly that's representative of the vulnerability she has. But on the other hand, she doesn't reveal a lot, does she? She doesn't change. While Eilistraee is explicitly involved in her followers lives in a way that a lot of non-drow gods aren't, she's involved in a very passive way. She listens to them. Maybe she'll bless them with a dance. She'll send signs of her pleasure and displeasure, and she'll help them in immediate, practical ways.

But do any of her followers know her? Do WE know her? We know Vhaeraun. We know his personality. But what we're given of Eilistraee is what she likes and how she feels. It points to this very careful presence she makes of herself.

And that's why exploring the flaws of her church is so important. She wants to give her followers freewill, she wants to be the "good" one that doesn't influence them and lets them make their own choices. But... I'm going to steal a quote from @pansythoughts who I ran my thoughts about this by before typing it up, and I think that they articulated this really well.

"[...] She’s worshipped and revered and symbolic but because she didn’t involve herself in the running of things people mistook that as she shouldn’t be involved or shouldnt be involved (“don’t concern our lady with such trivial things, she shouldn’t be bothered, it makes her so sad”) that that for a long time enabled a lot of abuse to run rampant under eilistraee’s nose. By becoming impersonal she’s removed her real thoughts from her church in the name of being impartial. But it’s not actually helping [...]"

So Eilistraee hits this weird note of... She seems to think that being impersonal is what makes her good, but in being impersonal, she enabled the culture in her church to get as bad as it did. It's the intent over action mentality. It's the separation of herself from her people.

....

Now. I also want establish. I don't think Eilistraee holds the same views as her church with it comes to how a lot of men are treated. All text points to the fact she loves men as much as she does woman, just as she does any other race (Though I said I wouldn't quote it too much, her prioritizing woman to dismantle her brothers power in evermeet should at least get a passing mention, I put that in the same spot as I put Vhaeraun trying to kill her in that it feels like she was doing that as an uncomfortable means to an end. She sincerely see's him an evil, and if that is what she had to do to get him out of power then so be it. And then it spiraled)

In rare circumstances, males who worship Eilistraee-or beings without any priest powers who work to further Eilistraee's aims and need her visible blessing and support (or just some light)- will temporarily manifest moonfire (see Eitistroee's moonfire below). Such manifestations are at the will of the goddess; the lucky recipient has no control over the duration, intensity, and location of the radiance

Eilistraee to me feels like someone deeply rooted in idealism, and romanticism, and fantasy. She loves the arts. She loves dance, and music, and romance and love of all kinds. She loves the fantasy of lovers.

And this goes over to her wider views. She likes the fantasy of what she thinks good drow can be, and I think she lives in that fantasy and denies the lived reality of what a lot of her people have been through, and the biases they hold as a result of what they've been through.

But, she's not comfortable with what drow are now, because what drow are now are what her mother and her brother made of them. And she views both as evil, and the same kind of even. She explicitly views them as people that are fallen and broken, because they're not good.

Only in recent centuries has Eilistraee's faith regained a small amount of prominence in Faerun, as the Dark Maiden seeks to lead the fallen drow back to the long-forsaken light.

And they're not good and they can't be good, because there is an aesthetic to good for DnD and thus there is an aesthetic to good for her. And inevitably, when theres an Aesthetic to good, when you only view good through a certain framework and you're only able to understand good through the lens of people that fulfill a certain amount of requirements, there are going to be those who are left behind not because they're not good, but because they can't meet that aesthetic. They can't change, or don't want to. And there is going to be abuse that slips through the cracks because the good goes unquestioned.

Pulling another quote from pansythoughts

[...] And to get metatextual, I think that’s why a lot of people miss the implied problems of her church too, besides the insidious nature of bio-essentialism. The narrative context of the drow is horror. It’s meant to be antagonistic and horrifying to players of the game. So of course the thing from that culture rejecting that culture completely looks “good”

To accept that her church needs to change is to accept that maybe, she wasn't good.

Because. If she's not the good one, then what is she...?

...

Despite you mentioning them, I also didn't really touch on her temper and melancholy all that much here. I do actually think that's like. A defining part of her character.

I think it's deeply telling that one of the few times she's mentioned as manifesting as an avatar is explicitly in defense of her people. She doesn't know how to approach them to celebrate with them ("The Dark Maiden seldom takes a direct hand in the affairs of mortals, but she sometimes appears in the midst of a dance in her honor, leaping amid the flames of the feast unharmed") And she's heard of seen in the distance more then she's directly engaging ("Most worshipers see Eilistraee only from afar, perched on a hillock or battlement, silver hair streaming out behind her. She appears to show her favor or blessing and often rallies or heartens creatures by causing a high, far-off hunting horn call to beheard.")

But she WILL appear to defend her worshipers. And she IS deeply concerned with defending those coming out of the underdark.

I don't know. I don't have canon proof of this one, but I do think that Eilistraee is a deeply lonely person. Despite having friends in other pantheons such as Mystra, she feels isolated in the image she has to uphold. She can't connect with her followers, she's left with this view that most of her family is evil, or has rejected her for leaving. Of course she carries herself with grief. Of course she doesn't know how to be anything other than "The good one."

[stormythalamus]

My take on Mileven vs Byler debate:

Since the new teaser dropped and we’re all back at each other’s throats again, I’ve been thinking about how I want the couples to play out in the next season and thought I’d share my thoughts here weee

also if someone puts this on twitter for discussion i would be so happy. i dont have a twitter (for posting) but i love stalking sttwt because people are fucking insane over there and i’d love to hear some insane opinions on all this lmao. Okay here we go:

Just to be clear, I don’t care if you like Mileven or Byler or whatever else. These characters are not real, it's not that deep. Mileven’s and Byler’s can exist in peace and harmony I promise. A fair warning though, this post is definitely more anti-Mileven because it’s not my cup of tea. I personally have always hated the Mike x Eleven ship, mainly because I thought it was gross how this young girl had no concept of friends or family before being thrusted into a long-term romance at the age of twelve. After being controlled and used by men her entire life. I didn’t like how Eleven asked Mike to be her brother the same day they started dating, I didn’t like how overly obsessed they were with each other in season 3, I really didn’t like having to watch them make out for multiple minutes straight. That being said, I understand why people do enjoy it; they follow the classic Damsel / Savior trope to an extent, with who being what changing depending on the season. However, in reality, their relationship has done nothing but negatively impact them both in the long run. 

Jumping to season 4, their objectively worst season as a couple, we have the internal thoughts of these two characters and what they want for themselves laid out very clearly: 

Mike wants to be needed by someone/feel useful. 

Eleven wants to be normal, and later, grow into herself/her duty. 

Already, these motivations clash. We already saw this in season 3, when Mike gets insanely jealous over Eleven and Max becoming friends. Mike needs to feel needed by someone, and that someone has always been El. That was literally the foundation of their relationship; that Mike saved Eleven from the bad men, therefore becoming a hero in her and his own eyes. However, as Eleven begins to grow away from Mike and into herself as a human being, Mike begins to stress about losing her completely. In my opinion, this is why I believe he said he loves her in season 3, moreso out of fear than out of true love (maybe fear is too strong a word; more like inadequacy on his own part). 

Now, going back to season 4, this insecurity has grown substantially. Mike is now unable to tell Eleven he loves her, and Eleven constantly lies to Mike in order to be good enough for him. However, the most telling part of this season is Mike and Eleven’s relationship in relation to Will. Will does need Mike, and has expressed this time and time again over the course of all the seasons. Eleven, on the other hand, wants to grow away from Mike, and into a person outside of her relationship. I think people tend to overlook how insane El’s story is in fear of infantilizing her, however I think it’s very important to note that El’s life has been:

Raised in a lab until she was 12

Met Mike and Party, knew them for a week, began her relationship with Mike

Didn’t see Mike (or anyone, or anything, other than Hopper) for almost an entire year

Immediately resumes relationship with Mike, barely acknowledging her other friends, or doing anything with Mike other than kissing

Meets Max, gets a taste of what it’s like to be independent, immediately breaks up with Mike lol

Gets thrown into another life or death situation, forcing their relationship back together

Moves away and doesn’t know how to talk to him about how horrible her life is in fear of messing something up

Do you notice a thread here? Eleven has been constantly controlled and influenced significantly by those around her for her entire life. The closest she ever got to true independence was in California, but she was still being tethered by stress about Mike’s view of her and a complete lack of awareness of how school works (which, Joyce, homeschooling really wasn’t an option??)

People get dogged on all the time for saying El isn’t ready for a relationship, and I genuinely cannot understand why, because she clearly is not. She is a strong character with a good heart, but her complete lack of solo personal development makes the dynamic between the two feel odd and imbalanced. This is further emphasized by the insane pedestal Mike places Eleven on, calling her a superhero, something that she is, at least in my eyes, not fond of at all. Eleven hates having to be a savior all the time; she just wants to be normal. One point people like to bring up is how Mike is overly protective of Eleven in season 3 when he believes her to be over exerting herself, blaming Max for treating her like a machine. But… is this not just another form of control?? Let Eleven decide what her limits are! That is not Mike’s call. His overprotectiveness borders on obsession, clearly stemming from his need to be needed. If he isn’t there to help El, who will? Or… if he isn’t there to help El, what use is he? 

Now, back to Will, more specifically his painting for Mike. As we’ve established, Mike needs to feel important. He tells Will about his worries that Eleven won’t need him anymore, as she is growing and becoming even more powerful and important to the world than she has ever been. Will then presents Mike with the painting, saying that “these past few months, she’s been so lost without you. She’s just so different from other people, and when you're different, sometimes you feel like a mistake. But you make her feel like she's not a mistake at all, like she's better for being different. And that’s what gives her the courage to fight on.”

Interestingly, this is exactly what Mike wants to hear! Eleven loves him, she needs him, she feels lost without him. And this whole speech is what motivates Mike to tell Eleven that he loves her. Except… literally none of it is true. Mike is literally telling Eleven he loves her on completely false pretenses. He can finally say I love you to a version of Eleven that Will created. Even better, Will is just talking about himself in this scene! None of what he said even applies to Eleven. Eleven does not need Mike. She has made that clear. She loves Mike, but she does not need him. There is a clear distinction there, one that is very important when discussing Mike’s feelings. And the cherry on top of this nightmare sundae is that Mike and Eleven do not speak for the rest of the season after this confession. We literally end the season with El ignoring Mike and Mike going to talk to Will. Like??? I am so sorry but the fact that Mileven shippers consider this romantic or promising is laughable to me. Mike confessing that he loves Will’s fictional caricature of Eleven is NOT romantic!!1! And I’m pretty sure El knows something was up with that confession, too. I’m excited to see how they deal with the fallout in season 5. 

Okay, now for a slightly unrelated point: let’s compare Mike and Eleven to Lucas and Max. Now I think we can all agree Lucas and Max have a much stronger relationship than Mike and Eleven. If you disagree, I implore you to rewatch the show with your eyes open. From the way they handle disagreements (ex: Lucas confronting Max about ignoring him vs. Mike confronting El in season 4) to the way they are written, to the way that the actors talk about them, Lumax is clearly meant to be a much more serious, stable relationship. While we see them have disagreements, there is no doubt about how strongly Lucas feels for Max. And there never was; that was an intentional writing decision. Something that always stood out to me as noteworthy was the fact that in season 3, Lucas mentions how Max has dumped him multiple times, but that he was able to win her over every single time. These breakups are not shown on screen. Whereas with Mike and El, their breakups are literally all we see. Clearly, the writers want us to focus on how Lucas and Max have stayed a strong couple by honing in on their resilience and care regarding their relationship by mentioning, but not centering, on their teenage breakups. However, the exact opposite is true for Mike and Eleven; we are intentionally being shown their silly teenage drama and breakups, because that is what the writers think is important about their relationship. I’m honestly surprised more people don’t talk about this. And yes, Mike and Eleven do come to resolutions after their fights, but they are never very… strong, or taken seriously. People have talked this point into the ground, but Mike crumpling up two of Eleven’s letters on screen, and even throwing one in the trash, is like… wow. Interesting choice if he’s so in love with her. Especially with the way he reacts to Will’s painting. All this to say, Lumax solos. 

At the end of the day, I don’t really give a shit if Mike ends up with Will or El. I would honestly prefer neither just because the absolute outrage on both sides would be funny. But I do think he’s much more compatible with Will. I will say, I think the Duffer Brothers have dug themselves into quite the deep hole here. I genuinely cannot see a way where everyone will be happy with the outcome of this season. On one hand, Mike and Eleven could resolve their issues, Mike would friendzone Will, and Will’s entire character for the past two seasons will have been dedicated to suffering and uplifting a straight couple at his own detriment. Not a great look. Especially since in season 4, literally all Will did was be sad about his feelings for Mike, while simultaneously trying to help his relationship. Maybe I have too much faith in Netflix, but the fact that the writers decided to make Will gay and in love with Mike makes me believe in Byler being canon more than anything else, solely because there was literally zero reason to include that plot line other than to make Will’s already miserable life even harder. They could’ve very easily introduced a new character in season 2 or 3 as a love interest for Will, while exploring his isolation and self-hatred by having Mike and the rest of the Party help him feel more comfortable in himself. The fact that a large portion of his character is his feelings for Mike is going to make it look very bad if they don’t end up together in the end. 

nOn the other hand, if Mike and Will get together, I imagine the reaction from the GA is going to be… horrific. Not even considering the staggering amount of homophobia, the confusion alone from a casual viewer may be enough to not make them have Byler become a couple. I will say, it would be a lot to have in one season, especially since Will hasn’t even come out as gay yet in the show. I actually had to tell my mom he was gay after finishing season 4; she didn’t even pick up on it. I can’t imagine how confused a casual viewer would be if Mike suddenly broke up with his four seasons long girlfriend to get with her step-brother in the last season. But in that case, why would you let it go on this long??? And who is telling Finn Wolfhard to look at Will Byers like he hung the stars???? And why is there a One Way sign pointing to his closet????? And WHYY are they letting their cast members (ie Noah) hype it up so much if it’s not happening!????? I literally need the next season because I cannot even fathom what the plan is to fix this absolute mess of a love triangle they’ve created. It’s either gonna go down in history as the best queer slowburn ever or the worst queerbaiting case in existence. I bet I’ll enjoy it either way, since Will has been my favorite character for a while and he’s clearly taking center stage this season! Very exciting. 

Congrats if you made it this far, hope this all made sense. It’s like 3am and I just wanted to write about this for some reason lollll. I havent done a rewatch in a minute so hopefully there’s nothing inaccurate in here : )

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hey! I would like advice on how to deal with race-bending of pre-existing stories, and also your opinion on if this is even salvageable.

There is something I was writing with a friend that started as a personal project, but I liked enough that I was considering making it into some form of comic. It is a twisted fairytale-type story, with all sorts of fairytales smashed together into a character-focused dark fantasy adventure.

Getting into it: I grew up with Wiley and the Hairyman as my favorite story, so I knew I wanted to incorporate Wiley as one of the main characters. In the brainstorming phase of how to fit everything together, he ended up being the son of Baba Yaga, since his "mama was a conjurer" and Baba Yaga is a famous witch. It seemed like the best way to get a character that young involved in everything.

Wiley is a traditionally Black character, and I want to keep him that way. Baba Yaga is a traditionally white character, and also incredibly evil and potentially the archetype for all antisemitic depictions of witches in media.

The way we wrote it, Wiley doesn't have a father, he was Baba Yaga's biological son made by magic.

I have no idea what to do about this situation. It feels wrong to go out of my way to turn the most evil character in my story Black, especially since I am Jewish and feel more able to gracefully navigate the inherent antisemitism of her concept (like dang she's even a cannibal) than Black mysticism stereotypes that I know exist, but am less familiar with.

When this was a personal project, it felt fine to just have them be different races and handwave it away, since I knew how I got there. But their relationship is very turbulent, with her being emotionally abusive, and him being forced into a care-taker role from a young age. This is meant to be a more traditional family-type power imbalance, but I am worried that if they don't look like family, it brings to mind actual historic slavery, which is not what I want.

I don't really know what to do about all this. The answer might be "keep it a personal project." I just wrote a short story exploring their family dynamic and fell completely in love with Wiley as a character all over again, and got excited about the idea of expanding the project.

Thank you for listening! Sorry if this is a lot!

Okay, so I had to go re-listen to that story; i have heard it before! Yeah, no.

I hear where you were going with it, but to have the... mythology of Wiley be in conjuring (implied to be hoodoo or African-American magic) overlap with that of a white Jewish (caricature of evil, even!) magic as though they are similar enough is... Not cool.

Especially since Wiley's entire concept is that between his own wits and that of his mother's and her powers were able to save him from the tricks and danger of the Hairy Man. His father being lost to the Hairy Man might even be allegory for him being snatched up and lynched, given the time period the story was recorded (told orally in the South and written down later).

To place him under Baba Yaga to be abused, to take away his father and his mother (I.e., his living communal connection to that magic) and replace her with someone who doesn't value him, who created him from magic to serve her... Yeah, I think your concern of "this looks like slavery" are founded, at least from this end. I'd keep this one a personal project, unless you develop how Wiley ends up with Baba Yaga and why we should care that he doesn't try to kill her 😅.

[mixed-match-archive]

The continuation of this post

Please note this is illogical bullshit and very much based on my personal feelings so...

Sakura.

1) She was on a team with Jesus and Jesus pt2 so I think it's only fair

2) Naruto spent years chasing sasuke and making big statements like "when you hurt I hurt" and "I want to share your burdens" so any decisions he makes regarding him (ie trusting any information he has about the alien clan) should/realistically would be questioned in the story (but it's not D:) but if Sakura was the hokage she could both vouch for his character and make unbiased decisions regarding him without it being heavily questioned

3 ) she was training under tsunade while she was hokage so it would be a lot easier for her slide into the role then a lot of other characters

Tenten.

1) I like tenten

2) Ok so this is gonna be hard to explain but the interpretation I got from naruto's whole "I'm gonna be the hokage" thing was that he felt it was just the easiest way to make people care about him but after the story plays out naruto has everything he wanted so being the hokage has none of the worth it used to have but he's the hokage in the end anyway which ruins the whole thing but I'm pretty sure the only reason that happened (besides my interpretation being wrong) is because it's been built up so long and it's like damn who else is gonna do it

Whos gonna take the place of hokage thats not important enough to get mad at but at the same time isn't just some guy we've never heard of enter tenten a background character that has little to no interactions with team 7 but is still a strong and capable ninja that we know nothing about which makes the concept of her secretly dreaming of becoming the hokage the tiniest bit more believable

So to quickly wrap up my thoughts to have something naruto strived towards for so long be '''taken''' by a background character and him feeling nothing about it whatsoever would drive home the point that hey maybe I don't have to become the equivalent of a war hero king president God to be loved

And if you're really attracted to him being hokage tenten doesn't HAVE to become hokage she could just make naruto question if he really wants to be hokage which could end in him choosing to continue down the path for reasons other than his unbearable loneliness

Of course this is in a world where my interpretation of naruto is the correct one but every time I rewatch Naruto I think I'm more and more wrong and completely missing the point also this option sucks because it makes tenten a plot device and she doesn't deserve that so disregard it

Kiba.

1) It'd be funny as fuck

2) this post

3) I would like to see how his character acts in this type of scenario

Shino.

1) I think we can all agree that one of the biggest problems in konoha is how much shit gets past the hokage but if shino was the hokage he could just plant bugs on people like picture this

shino: you've been taking an interest in illegal experimentation recently you know that goes against the terms of your probation.

Orochimaru: hokage-sama I only read a book I would hardly call that taking an intere- wait how do you even know about that?

Shino: your headlice told me.

2) it'd be funny as fuck

Shikamaru.

1) He smart

2) He can put in the work if he wants to (ie any situation he's ever been involved in)

3) it'd be funny as fuck

[en-la-casademiamor]

From time to time, over the course of many years; the mind often finds itself remembering scenes in Dr. Zhivago where he is told off and again that the private life is dead—This is said to him with regards to concepts of human emotions, his poetry (petty bourgeois nonsense): his simply feeling too much. [I think too of those big yelllow sunflowers that bloomed under the light of love in a makeshift hospital.] And then I think of the scene in where an embittered communist tells Lara something about letting good men rot [How callous we become from lack of tenderness. How easily we forget our senses when life is brutal.]

Memories of this movie, these scenes; and that book have just made me cry. The realness of that film/book have made my heart and head slump. Pasternak’s life, how and why it deteriorated and that of his muse, Olga, has made me cry too. She was sent to Siberia more than once. I cannot truly understand how she withstood. There really is something to say about the human spirit, but today, I want to say more that I am afraid.

I’m not caving into despair, but the thought of poems and poets being censored, ridiculed, gathered up—these things exist and have.

I can sense the darkness hovering, periodically touching ground. This darkness is completely diseased. It is hungry. We are all standing before a sequence of terrifying storms that want to break hard. It relentlessly claps thunder and it wants to drive the rain against us, until we are all bleach bone naked.

You know, I think writing a poem is one of the bravest things any of us can do. I want to write poems just like Zhivago, see the birches and the daffodils the way he did—as if every little thing that is good, is the expression of active divine miracles. And I want to love and love and love until my heart breaks like a mighty river over a man made dam; but most of all, I want to really see beyond the menace, but today, the tears are all that show up.

[reorientation]

I'm pansexual but I used to think I was asexual.

my current partner, who I've been with for 6 years, taught me how to touch myself, showed me how to love my body, I didn't start masturbating or looking at porn until roughly 2 years ago!!

I have friends that are actually asexual and they both clocked that I wasn't ace after a conversation and apparently after I went to bed they looked at each other and just went "they're not asexual", I was still in denial at that point.

My partner took my virginity in p much everything, made me like anal, showed me how to suck cock, I even swallowed one time even though I told him I hate the taste and would never do it!

on top of everything, even though I'm nonbinary I get so wet when he calls me "good girl" and my tits are so so sensitive, I've even started dabbling in hucow kink stuff even though I said I wasn't into it!!!

finding the right man has fully rewired my brain istg

Turns out you're more malleable than you are anything else, huh?

I mean, I can't blame you - having an identity is tough! (Or at least, an identity other than "slut".) It means you have to tell people "no" when they'd really rather hear "yes"; it means you can't be the thing that fulfills their desires, because you're too busy defending your own self-concept.

But you get to do the easy thing: just give in. Just let your boyfriend take you from being an "asexual" "nonbinary" to being a little whore whose pussy drips when he calls her "good girl" while fucking her in the ass. Just follow along as he leads you further down the primrose path, from never looking at porn to touching yourself to porn to reshaping yourself to match the porn he likes.

Isn't it so sweet and rewarding? He'll encourage you every step of the way, as long as you're being everything he wants. And all you had to do was give up everything you thought you were.

[sillydeimos]

Do you have any headcanons for Hank/Jeb? I've been digging through your scrumptious page and I adore it all

hi welcome back to my office, come on in fair warning i tend to ramble quite a bit.

^ wtf are these bugs????

-christoff, very earnestly, likes the idea of hank wearing a suit. which is funny because it's not even that jeb is really particular about dressing fancy (we've all seen that 'i'm jebus lol' shirt the only reason why he was wearing a lab coat was cause he worked there) it's just that he thinks hank would look good in one...and hes right!

-i don't think either of them do nicknames, however i do like the idea of jeb calling him 'darling' or 'angel' in a very sarcastic way. hank's intrigued by it because he never hears christoff call him anything that isn't his own name so he's like "hm. continue."

-so sometimes people have a different tone for reading outloud. hank has a 'reading voice', it's incredibly monotone and dry and for some reason, christoff REALLY likes it. it's like a weird asmr thing for him he's looking for excuses to have hank read out more things.

-i really, really enjoy the thought of jeb trailing after hank ontop of the buildings of nexus city or just generally following close behind, thinking hank is up to nefarious shit, then sees hank in an alleyway feeding the local cat colony. moments where he's like oh, he's not like. completely irredeemable. but my research was ptsd-fueled wtf.

-speaking of which i do actually have a doodle i made of hank wearing christoffs 'i'm jebus lol' shirt i can just show it. but i think he wears it...and stretches it out cause he's wider then christoff lmao

i'm pretty sure i've also drawn christoff wearing hanks smiley shirt but its very old. i need to redraw it again sometime.

-hank tried to teach christoff the fine art of ventcrawling at least once. it didn't go too well. turns out christoff really, really hates enclosed spaces. he's very fond of his own ability to float and glide around, so being in a confined space makes him feel like a bird stuck in a cage.

-i think hank would be kind of weirded out by christoff being able to carry him around while floating, but he warms up to it. what he's really embarrassed about is christoff trying to carry him bridal style while he floats around.

-as i stated in a previous headcanon post, hank doesn't find very traditional things cute, or someone trying to be purposefully cute. it's not that you need to even be naturally cute, he just doesn't see the appeal. i'm not even sure he finds cats cute, he just really, really likes them... however, for some reason one time he sees christoff doing something, like maybe even doing something that makes him really frustrated like trying to dig through files and getting all huffy and mad and suddenly hank is hit with the ! realization... "oh, cute." and christoff is annoyed, still frustrated, but now subtly blushing and yelling at hank "what are you doing over there, rambling about nonsense? your assistance is required, make haste." and then thinks about it later.... he's never been called cute before. sorry is that kinda ooc ?? oh well in canon hank isn't doing gay shit so it doesn't matter

-christoff... ABSOLUTELY fell first and he's so annoyed by himself for "letting" that happen. he is so annoyed by his brains ability to feel emotions like nooo what the fuck i'm meant to be a vessel, the savior of nevada. that is an entirely nebulous concept it should not involve having feelings.

-hank isn't really the 'fall in love' kind of guy, he just knows that christoff is deeply interesting to him and something about him has him keep coming back. though the feelings do get kind of confusing and frustrating for him because there's not a clear answer for him what he feels, which leads to outward frustration with christoff.

THAT'S ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW but thank you for reading if you did!!!