#I really did not understand that other people experienced the world differently to me at that age

[obstinatecondolement]

My sister was saying "You should write that idea for a novel about [REDACTED] that you had a while ago for NaNo. I think that could be really fun" and I was like oh yeah! I remember we got a kick out of that one. And then, after a pause, had be like... could you remind me what the plot was again? Because litearlly all I could remember was that it had been funny At The Time and involved [REDACTED].

It was like when my mum reads a book and strongly recommends it to me the day after she finishes it, but can't remember any of the characters names or what happened, but it was definitely very good and I should read it so we can talk about it!

Except this was a story I made up myself and devoted not an insignificant amount of thought to, and then never committed any of what I came up with to the page because it was still early stages and I would "remember" what my initial ideas were 🙄

[auraworkshop]

VOID SUCCESS STORY

I Finally Experienced The Void State

HOW I USED TO VIEW VOID BEFORE I ENTERED

Before I entered it, I viewed the void as the ultimate state of oneness with the universe. I viewed it as the place where I could finally be free from all suffering and limitation. It was a place where I could be at peace and experience the ultimate reality. I also viewed it as a place that was beyond anything I could imagine or describe. It was the place I was drawn to and wanted to experience more than anything else in the world. It was where I knew I could find the ultimate truth and the ultimate peace and bliss.

I was never a fond of it, I just and wanted to feel it, experience it by myself. I don't understand why it's so hyped up after all.

HOW I TAPPED IN

I tapped in by listening to my subliminal. Before putting on the sub I did a special, ancient breathing technique :

Bhastrika or the bellows breath

For this you have to Close the right nostril and inhale twenty rapid bellows-like breaths through the left nostril. Repeat with twenty more bellows breaths through the right nostril while keeping the left nostril closed. Proceed to take twenty bellows breaths through both nostrils. This method helps the body and mind to clear out mental, emotional and physical blocks.

After doing this, I put on my subliminal and a blind fold on my eyes and imagined myself walking inside my own mind and it's getting darker and darker as I get deeper into it, exactly like Eleven did in Stranger Things. Okay, so doing this made me super duperr relaxed which got me slept and when I woke up I knew that I made it! and NO, my void was not pitch dark, I don't know but for some reason it was white, pure white. I felt like I'm directly looking into a bulb you know :)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH IT

My void experience was a feeling of emptiness and peace. Not a single thing was there in the void other than my consciousness. I felt completely liberated and at ease when I was in the void. My thoughts were dead silent and I was just being. I felt a deep sense of connection to the universe and a knowing that all is well. It was a feeling of emptiness and unity at the same time. Everything that is, is within me. It can not be described because it is beyond any description. No words and no labels can truly define or grasp the eternal silence of the void. The void I experienced was full of utter peace and stillness. It was the complete lack of self-consciousness and the total realization of eternity. It was pure, uninterrupted consciousness. It was a place of pure awareness and complete freedom from all attachments and desires. It was a place of absolute silence and the absence of all thought and emotion. It was a place of complete and utter bliss and nothingness at the same time. I felt a deep sense of timelessness and immortality. I felt like I was in my purest form. I felt like I was in a state of total nirvana and perfect happiness. It was like being in a state of pure bliss and complete oneness with the universe. I felt connected to everything and everyone, and it was the most pure and peaceful experience I've ever had. However I have entered the void twice but snapped out on incident within seconds. Staying in the void for hours is totally different :)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE VOID IS JUST UNDESCRIBABLE 🤍

I really don't know how to put it into words

I just feel COMPLETED now !

WHAT I MANIFESTED

No, I didn't manifest anything in the void. Manifesting something through the void was never my intention because I already have manifested almost everything just by listening to my subliminals and I love listening to them. But if in future if I'll manifest anything in the void, I'll update y'all about it for sure with pictures.

Believe me or not the void is unnecessarily so hyped up in this community, it's so easy to access it. Now with my experience with it I know how I can be helpful to y'all in regards of accessing the void state.

I know people will ask me for the subliminal that I listened to, so first of all I made it myself, because few days back while I was on my journey to entering the void I listened to a subliminal, which made everything worse, I knew that the subliminal maker has used some bad spells in it, so I made my own sub. No wonders tho because earlier I used to make subliminals for myself and they did worked for me and I manifested a lot of things but I was so lazy that I stopped making them :)

But as I really wanted to experience the void within myself, I decided to work a Lil hard and make a sub for myself and after researching deeply on how I can make subliminal work faster, I managed to made it myself.

I have posted it on my YouTube channel but remember my sub will not work for those who have bad intentions! ThankYou.

Here's the video :

Enter the void in the blink of an eye : Use w/ caution

Make sure to hit the subscribe button because I'll be uploading more such subliminals ! 🤍

[blairwaldcrf]

@lyinoptimist On why Louis is a better character with a richer story because of the way they brought race into the show:

[captioned: I agree with his Interview with the Vampire take, and it's not just that I care more that they're black, it's that I care more that they are black in a world where the creators know that they are black and write the story accordingly.

I remember when they cast Jacob Anderson to play Louis in this story a couple years ago and people were confused and nervous and a little bit angry as to why they cast this black man to play a character, who at least in the original story was a plantation owner that owned slaves & let them go I think eventually, but still it's like "what is this choice that you're making?" and the creators were like "no, no we know what we did".

And so now Louis like owns a brothel instead, and it's like Creole and like down in Louisiana 1920s, and you're like, "Oh, that's a pretty solid adaptational choice."

And I think ultimately the decision makes Louis look a lot more relatable, and also makes the story a lot more relatable because at least it would be harder for me to recommend this story if old Louis was the one I was telling you was in this really great show. It's like, "yeah... but he owned slaves...", you know what I mean?

It's just one of the things where it's not something I have to get into with other black fans who are really into like fantasy stuff who maybe don't want to engage in that sort of like problematic content.

Beyond Louis and Claudia being black and then Armand being like South Asian, it also gives us a really interesting look into different readings of the text now that the characters playing it are adapted in this way. This happens a lot in season one remember... like, because Lestat makes both Louis and Claudia he can no longer read their minds, but Louis and Claudia can still read each other's minds. And so in this kind of familial dynamic they've established for themselves, Louis and Claudia have this literal telepathic understanding that Lestat will just never be privy to and you can kind of read into that. It's like a metaphor for their relationship being with two black people in the household and then moving through the world and understanding the world in a way that is just different from Lestat. There's an underlying racial anxiety to Louis and Lestat's relationship that makes it, you know, more complex and like more fun to watch.

Season two there's less of it, but you have things like racialized trauma being used as the backbone for the trauma that the characters are experiencing to both highlight how horrific the things they're going through actually are.

Like Armand and his like, being sexually abused as a child in that specific way very much has the connotation of like, this happened to him because he was a vulnerable brown child and this very powerful white vampire came--presumably, i don't know who they're gonna cast but i was reading into it--came by and did this to him. And it's like, okay yeah, that complicates that dynamic a bit more.

Same thing with the execution that happens to Louis, Claudia, and Madeline at the very end of the season which is very reminiscent of, like-- Claudia even calls it a stoning but I would also argue that there's, like, elements of, like lynching to it, right?

Like, it's very horrific in a very relatable way to Black people, which I think it's drawing upon that but it's not necessarily like glorifying it in that way in order to like make the point that it wants about like, the tragedy that these characters are going through and I think it just makes the story that much richer and allows for a lot more interesting new perspectives because these characters are people of color now and that's what you can do with a good adaptation and like, these creators they understand that. ]

[astrologicalsstuff]

Obsession synastry

These are just aspects I’ve experienced where either they or I or both became obsessed

I have Pluto in the 8th house natally idk if that makes a difference for some of these, I’m pretty naturally intense I guess.

Venus in the first house

As the Venus person I’ve had this with the two people who absolutely rocked my world. I thought these people were the most beautiful people I have ever seen and idolized them. They were so beautiful to me and I told everyone about them

Planets in the 12th

I have a stellium of four planets and I can’t really tell you exactly how each one acts

Mercury: MISCOMMUNICATION I swear this person would ask me one thing and I would hear something entirely different. Sometimes I would also be too shy to respond, I did a lot of drugs with these people. Also I got so much information about these people randomly. I’d have dreams that told me things, I’d cry randomly. Strangers told me things about him that I didn’t know, and later revealed his name. I knew so much about these people from other sources randomly. One time we ended and I ended up with a group of his friends I didn’t know we’re his friends and they just kept talking about him and then they said his name and I was like…. Honestly I had such a hard time communicating with these people and I felt like they really wanted me to. I honestly feel like theses people are still kinda waiting on an explication from me. It’s just so hard. I kept getting in my head thinking they couldn’t possibly know and yet they made every effort to help me feel comfortable sharing but I didn’t know how. And with these people there’s always something getting in the way. Like no service, or his parents would come in the room and take away his phone. I blocked these people a lot.

Mars:… yeah it’s true. This guy was my first I thought we were soulmates I was confused lol. I also talk hella shit about these people (some of them) because they did me so dirty. There’s so much build up over time here. Like did they understand me. Will they ever get how I feel.

Jupiter: let down Fr without other good synastry. This placement gives you a spiritual assistance. There’s a greater force on your side helping this relationship. I met this guy once and I thought about him all the time for a year. We ended up meeting again and he was really into me too. EVERYTHING WAS FATED we ran into eachother everywhere, he happened to be next door neighbors with two of my best friends (his parent were divorced). I thought we had no real mutuals turns out we were in a really big friend group. ALL OF HIS FRIENDS WERE FRIENDS WITH AT LEAST ONE OF MINE.

Sun: I don’t know if they ever really saw me. Well I know that’s not true but I think they truly were surprised by some qualities about me or just don’t understand. I also feel like I can see through these people so easily. Honestly this placement felt less like confusion for me and more like lucidity. Like I understand you eventhough your not telling me in a way that makes sense. Drugs. The one that got away. But they’re back? Feels like a forever kinda thing. Disappear cold turkey and run into eachothers years later. Honestly I was faking it with these people a bit. Wouldn’t let them know the real me.

8th house synastry (cancer, Leo, sag)

Man if you think it’s done it’s not done till it gets bad

I have Venus conjunct moon and a stellium with

Venus: oh man I thought I was obsessed but I think it was him (he had natal mars not really conjunct though) and we were in a weird polyamory situation. I was like so obsessed with him. I always thought about him(sexually) and he really went the extra mile for me. Yeah I was a bit possessive but he had his mars in my friends 8th and she was so much more possessive. She even said to me “he’s mine” he sure as hell was not hers. I also have my Venus and mom on in her 8th and she still texts me even though I stopped talking to her like 2 years ago. They both do. He made new numbers and always found ways to reappear. I don’t know if it’s sexual as much as seductive. When I have Venus in peoples 8th house we always end up in something sexual even if we’re not into eachother.

Moon: pretty emotional, these relationships feel so natural for me, honestly the house person is more affected I think. Like the house person has never met someone like this before, never experienced these things.

Pluto: This is a generational one so it has to be a really really close orb like 1-2 degrees with other things going on honestly

I had this with a guy and it made me think astrology is more than just planets and gravity. Like being around this guy…. I felt all the Pluto/8th house elements. I was so entranced by the eye contact and the physical touch. I started off not knowing this guy but he knew me and I was so mad about something but then I was so turned on and I told him I wanted to wait but the sexual tension made me angry so I went off on him. After that I couldn’t stand myself he was so nice to me (8th house) and I didn’t even have control over myself. I would never use astrology to justify actions so I went to therapy and began to really work on my triggers but I didn’t forget him. And I thought for sure he would not be into me after that interaction, justifiably, but right when I gave up on ever talking to him again he messaged me. I… stalked him for months on Instagram we didn’t even follow each other and he posted all these things about his loyalty and lowkey stuff we talked about in those 2 hours we met and I thought there’s no way they could be about me so I thought he moved on but I guess he didn’t. I have no idea who’s obsessed I know I am but I’m thinking maybe he is in another way. Definitely taboo. I have all these secrets I’m keeping from him too. Like I don’t know this guy and all we have is history (my south node is in the 8th). I think the whole premise is intensity and possessiveness and I don’t know where it comes from cause I don’t know this guy. Pluto conjunct 8th is literally our crazies coming together I guess. House person feels it more id have to guess though. I could literally go in about this brief encounter for forever.

South node contacts always

[jeonscatalyst]

So something I have been thinking since the beginning of AYS. I think JM and JK give themselves away. How someone can look at their behavior and not realize these two have more than a friendship/brotherly vibe. Before I go on a tangent, what I am I trying to say again 🤔. Ohh right. In the previews, we see JK and JM have a pillow in-between them as they sit on the couch while watching TV. Why the damn pillow in-between like it's so obvious! That hug when JM wanted JK to feel how cold he was, I mean. Just go ahead and proper. They crack me up. It's too late. We already know you are together. If they just acted normal 😅. To be honest, I don't blame them it's hard faking not being in a relationship.

Ah I have found my person!

Anon, I have been in this fandom for over 7 years and spent about 5 out of those 7 years being a Jikooker and all through my years in this fandom, I have seen many jikookers give different reasons why they believe Jikook are a together but not many people started seeing them as more for the same reason I did.

I have mentioned before that for me, it was never about the GCFs, the soft looks, the touches or any moments that could be described as soft or romantic or beautiful. For me it was always those moments that many Jikookers don’t like to look at or even talk about. The first thing that made me do a double take on Jikook was fetus Jikook. You see, I wasn’t always a shipper and I was one of those people who actually thought it was silly as hell that people could even believe that any of the members could be in a romantic relationship especially because of things like skinship which is the most common thing among korean men but one day I watched a long compilation on Youtube of fetus Jikook and my mind began to change. You see, when I watched that video and read comments many people were either mad at Jk for being an asshole to Jimin while others felt sorry for Jimin and some were mad that Jimin had to put up with all of that from Jungkook but one look at it and I knew that wasn’t normal at all especially because when I joined the fandom at the beginning of 2017, I spent alot of time reading their interviews and catching up on old content (somehow I didn’t really notice the fetus Jikook bickering or push and pull alot) but one opinion I remember having was that Jk kinda liked being around Jimin and hovering. So when I watched that compilation showing Jk basically being an ass to Jimin, that was the first time I thought “maybe shippers are unto something” because what I was seeing Jk do in the compilation was very conflicting with everything I had learned about Jikook and the opinion I had about them as a duo. I didn’t necessarily think they were the closest but I didn’t think Jk had any ill feelings towards Jimin.

You see anon, one thing I understood while being in this fandom is that, how people interpret or perceive other’s actions and words depends more on them than the people whose actions they are interpreting. Without certain experiences, it is almost impossible for one to understand certain things. Your culture, environment, people around, personal experiences and basically what you are used to, shapes the way you see the world and that is why one person could see a 9 while another person sees a 6. Some people have grown up believing that couples are always soft with each other or with couples it is always smiles and rainbows and roses, you know watching a lot of romance movies or fantasy will do that to you or even only experiencing those first stages of normal romantic relationships will trick you into believing such things. Some people don’t understand context and nuances at all and so they could never understand Jikook even if they wanted to.

It never made any sense to me that we saw Jungkook pushing Jimin away or shoving him in walls or ranking him last in looks yet this same person would choose to put blankets outside to sleep with Jimin at night, or this same person’s would go to cuddle Jimin in his sleep or this same person would be seen hovering around Jimin alottt and wanting to touch him or feel him up (fetus Jk was not subtle). Jungkook already knew that he got his comfort mostly from Jimin. He already understood that the reason he teased Jimin alot was because he really liked him and I think Jungkook’s occasional “bitchy” behaviour towards Jimin was him panicking and not knowing how to deal with Jimin who was obnoxiously loud about how he felt for Jungkook. Jungkook never hated being around Jimin or being touched by Jimin like many people would like to believe because if he did, he would never choose to go spend his nights with Jimin. If he did, he would never go to hug Jimin in his sleep or pile clothes on his bed to go sleep in Jimin’s bed. He clearly loved being around Jimin so how else could anyone explain his behaviour infront of the cameras?

Watching Bangtan, anyone would quickly understand that these boys don’t understand the concept of personal space when it comes to each other. I saw this video on X the other day and it made me laugh…

This is not even the most accurate example I can use but you see how glued they are to each other? Like no care in world. They shower together, sleep together, eat after each other, that is normal for them so explain to me why on earth Jimin and Jungkook would have to put a pillow inbetween them when they sit even though we know for a fact that being glued is literally like second nature to the members?

This is how Jimin and Jungkook give themselves away everytime because you can literally see that sometimes they get overly cautious in a bid to not give too much away but they don’t realize that by doing this, they are actually giving too much away because we know that the members usually don’t have any issues sitting even untop of each other. It’s just like I had once said that when you have nothing to hide, you feel as free as a bird but when you do, you start doing even unnecessary things not to come off suspicious. Why would they need a pillow inbetween them to just sit on a damn couch? If these two are just friends or bros why on earth do they need a pillow? If it was normal to see the members respecting each other’s personal space then we could just see this too as normal but we know that these same people seated right here are the same ones who have had their mouths on various erogenous parts of each other’s bodies so why?

Like you said, if jikook acted normal then I wouldn’t have ever suspected or thought that they are more than friends but the truth is that they don’t act normal at all and this is something everyone can agree on, regardless of whether they see things in a negative or positive way, everyone can agree that Jikook don’t act normal at all and it’s been like this since they were younger.

I have mentioned before that I could never see what taekookers see in Taekook because there is just way too much comfort in their interaction for them to be closeted idols in a romantic relationship. You never see any panic, you never see them acting as if they have something to hide. I have seen some taekookers say that they know that Jikook are not together because their skinship is usually very short or abrupt while taekook’s take longer and I was like ofcourse theirs would take longer because those two have nothing to hide the same way Jk’s skinship with any other member who isn’t Jimin takes longer and they seem more comfortable doing it because they are not worried about how they would come off because those actions are completely innocent. With Jikook, there is a panic and when they start going on at, it doesn’t take long for them to snap out of it and then you see them immediately stopping which sometime makes their interactions come off as awkward.

Imagine yourself in a secret romantic relationship where you are almost always infront of dozens of cameras and staff, who would feel 100% at ease in situations like this? That is why Jikook’s interactions sometimes come off clunky or awkward because of this while you never really sense this with any of the other members interactions. I can sit through any other duo’s interactions without feeling second hand embarrassment, shy or slightly awkward but with Jikook, I go through about 20 different emotions while watching them and that is how I know they are….different. So because not everyone understands the contexts or nuances, they would immediately see this as something bad while someone who understands the context and nuances in this situation expects to see this kinds of interactions. Many people unfortunately are not very smart because if they were, they would really ask themselves why Jk seems to hate Jimin’s touches so much (according to them) or hates being around Jimin so much (according to them) yet this same Jk is the one who voluntarily goes to knock on Jimin’s door everynight at 1am. Why did this same Jk choose to sleep on the floors outside their rooms with Jimin instead of sleeping with Tae or some other member? Why did this same Jk choose to spend majority of his nights and downtime with this person? Why did this same Jk pile clothes on his bed to go sleep in Jimin’s bed? Why did Jk keep going to sleep in Jihope’s room everynight? What was he doing with Jimin at 4am on his birthday after they had already moved out of the dorm and were living in personal apartments? Which one of you knows anyone who would do this if they really didn’t like someone and literally loved being around them? Also, notice how each and everytime we “caught” Jikook in positions where they never expected cameras or weren’t aware of cameras they were always glued to each other and Jungkook especially had no issues being in Jimin’s personal space?

This is one of those cases where someone either gets it or they don’t because it is kinda hard to explain and the truth is, to really understand these kinds of things, you probably need to have experienced something like this or atleast know someone very close who has.

Jikook as a romantic pair was never meant to make sense to alot of people because not very many people have critical thinking skills, not very people know how to piece tiny details together to really understand a situation. So often, people form opinions after watching one single piece of content without caring to look at the history of things. I saw a taekooker say that Jk hated Jimin’s music style because Jk said their show will fail if Jimin sang the OST he joked about singing and you could clearly tell this person is one of those who literally don’t care about context or history because everyone and their mama knows how much Jk enjoys and has always enjoyed Jimin as an artist and a performer and he has made it clear on several occasions just how much he loves the music Jimin makes.

Like I said, Jikook is not meant to be understood by everyone. If everyone understood them then that would mean they weren’t doing something right.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hey um, what if the Overblot boys told each other their backstories?

Mmm… Well firstly, I think it would take a lot of effort to arrive at a point where all of the OB boys would even feel comfortable being that emotionally intimate with the others. Many of the OB boys are highly guarded and resistant to putting themselves in compromising positions. For example, I can easily see Azul being paranoid that the others would use his background as blackmail; he would not risk having his own vulnerabilities becoming public knowledge. Would Leona really be okay with being sentimental in front of various people he dislikes, especially Malleus and Vil? Would Idia feel safe unpacking his trauma and grief in front of his peers? Etc, etc, etc.

Secondly, I think that even if the OB boys were hypothetically at the point where they were okay sharing their backstories with the others, it wouldn’t change much about their immediate circumstances?? The OB boys generally don’t strike me as particularly… empathetic? At least not automatically empathetic. It’s something they would need to put effort into and actively work on. I imagine that they’d otherwise just pull a Zuko-style “That’s rough, buddy” or potentially even say something tactless that rubs their peers the wrong way (for example, not fully understanding the situation or even downplaying one another’s trauma). Riddle (someone with very little to no experience with social media and entertainment mediums) might not get how being a celebrity influences Vil’s life, Leona might insult Malleus (someone whom he has a bone to pick with), everyone might still be upset with Malleus for what he did to them in book 7. etc. Each OB boy only has their own experiences as the lens through which they see and interact with the world, and it’s not that easy for just anyone to put themselves in the shoes of another person.

Hearing a (for lack of a better term) traumadump doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll connect with it or understand just how grueling it was for the person who experienced said trauma. It would usually take a significant amount of time and reflection (ideally facilitated by a licensed mediator or professional) to digest those stories in group therapy and to make sure that everyone actually understands one another. A surface-level story retelling alone in most cases isn’t (again, for lack of a better term) “enough”, especially with how self-centered, emotionally immature, and different many of the OB boys are.

Think of empathy like a skill or a muscle. It isn’t innate. You need to develop it and train it, and not putting it to use can lead to atrophy. And given how arrogant and independent your usual NRC student is… yeah, it’s definitely going to be something for them all to work on.

If you want to think of it another way, it’s like how different players will react differently to reading the OB boys’s backstories. Someone who experienced bullying similar to Azul could more easily empathize with him while also not fully “getting” the full scope of other stories they hear. Maybe they can’t understand why Riddle still cares about the mother who mistreated him. Maybe they don’t see why Jamil sacrifices so much for his family. It doesn’t make the player a bad person for not understanding all the stories, it simply means they have a limited perspective. The same is true of the TWST characters; they, too, have incomplete perspectives and rely predominantly on their own points of views to make sense of the world.

Maybe knowing their backstories in advance would change some scenes in small ways (such as book 6, when they split up and then butt heads with each other). They’d know where the other boys were coming from, and how that informs how they act in present day. However, I maintain that I think not much would change from the original. In a stressful situation like book 6, they could easily slip up and say something insensitive/make assumptions about their behavior based on their background/overlook or not even consider their background in the first place since they’re so focused on the current task. For example, Azul, feeling insulted that Riddle is underestimating him, could make a snide remark that just because his mother was a control freak doesn’t mean Riddle also has to be. Jamil could still see Leona as a spoiled prince because, despite being treated like an outcast, he still grew up in immense privilege as royalty. They can so easily fixate on their own interpretations of events that it colors how they perceive others, rather than how they can relate to others no matter how similar or dissimilar their experiences were.

In other ways, I think the OB boys sharing their backstories with one another stifles potentially meaningful development. Character growth in TWST isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, and we’re here for the long haul. What does depositing all the backstories in their laps achieve for the OB boys? It artificially puts them in a situation to “better know” their peers rather than let it happen organically or allowing them to grow closer through their own efforts. Let’s look at the Deuce-Epel beach scene from book 5. Do you think it would have been as impactful of a scene if Epel explained his life in the countryside and how he got his traditional views on gender norms to Deuce? Personally, I don’t think so. The scene we currently have has them bonding and connecting through a shared activity (shouting at the sea), then having a heart-to-heart without a heavy backstory exposition. It’s through that, not explicit backstory sharing, that the two form an attachment and become genuine friends.

Those are all my thoughts!! ^^

[harucchii]

Why ARE you proud of your asexuality, exactly? And how did and does it shape how you are as a person, having a natural lack of sexual attraction to anyone? What makes it important enough to celebrate? I'm asking genuinely because I don't understand and would like to. Thank you.

Hi! happy pride month :D

I am proud of my asexuality because is a part of me!! is something that affects the way i see people and for obvious reasons my relationships and trying to hide it or change will only lead me to be miserable

through my whole life i experienced things differently when it comes to attraction to people, i never seemed to develope crushes on my classmates or celebrities, cause i just.. didint care? to a point my mom got worried and straight up asked me if i was gay because my lack of interest "was not normal"

when i was in my first long term relationship my lack of sexual needs and desire was a huge issue that would lead on fights very often and my former partner to feel unloved as i would prefer just to cuddle or watch a movie. This back and foward with him and constant fights made me feel like efectibly was somethign wrong with me and transformed sex more of a chore than something im supposed to enjoy or want

thing which developed a huge sexual trauma on me but also helped me to understand that, that relationship would never work because i just could never deliver what he wanted and his needs were different than mine. we were just hurting each other

i also got sent to doctors by my mother as to find what was "wrong" with me as my lack of sexual needs was not "normal" for her

there is so much i had to deal and endure my whole adulthood because of this, because i experience thigns differently

now. more big and more mature i can confidently say, im asexual. I celebrate my asexuality because There was nothign wrong with me and the way i experience thigns is just different

i celebrate it and i mention it as an important part of myself because i know i will not be able to be in a fullfiling relationship if my partner is not aware of this fact or not willing to accept it

i celebrate it because doctors didnt found anything wrong in me and i just love differently. and asuming that lack of sexual attraction is part of an illness hurts people who might be dealing with this feelings!

I celebrate because in a hyper sexualized world i dont really seem to fit in, AND THAT IS OKAY, because the way i live my life should not affect others and they way they live theirs

i do feel romantic attraction! i can fall in love and love other person!! but i just cant deliver what most people would be expect in a relationship and that is okay!

And finally i celebrate to ensure online that the people who experience love differently just like me are not alone in this journey and will be okay :3. just a lil bit of emotional support for who might feel broken due what others say to them

I apologize if i repeat myself or i wronte something wrong as english is not my main language

have a good day!

[10underoot2]

Character Study - The chilling warmth of Haein

Haein is a really misunderstood character. She has dark humour. She cares immensely but doesn't show it very openly. She hides her feelings cause she doesn't like to be vulnerable. She's very quick to say things that protect her emotions and she bites with her words just to protect herself. But all of this assertive feistiness comes at a cost. People tend to misunderstand and write Hong Haein off as mean, rude, cold and difficult to live/work with.

Her personality and tendency to appear uncaring has a lot to do with the lack of warmth she received by her family especially her mother. When she meets Hyunwoo she's no different, she puts on no pretences. Over time she warms up to him and shows him her softer more vulnerable side - all of which I'm sure aided in him falling for her deeply. But then that damned chasm occurs, and Hyunwoo much like the rest of the world forgets Haein's soft heart and soul that live underneath the iron clad armour she wears. It hurts me when I think about the pain she experienced realising she's misunderstood even from the man who once showered her with unyielding love and warmth.

Some incidents of Hyunwoo misunderstanding her are so interesting:

- The scene where Haein requests/orders Hyunwoo to accompany her to the hospital.

I love that it was shot from both perspectives. In her mind she sounds extremely soft and worried. It was a request meant to be delivered that way. I'm sure Haein couldn't register what her tone was because her intention were so soft. Why would he reject my request, He's free I'm just asking him to accompany me? But Hyunwoo had just heard about the will. That paired up with the continuous blows he's received the past two years were too much for him to take a moment and understand that this is how she's always spoken.

-The rain scene after their Yongduri night stay (I hold the belief that Haein did indeed often wait up for him).

Haein says: 'I really wasn't waiting for you.' to which Hyunwoo replies 'I know better than anyone, you're not the kind of person who would wait up for me.' In the scene you can see Haein slightly taken aback and offended by that. Because she is the kind of person who waits up for him. Her offence seems so justified. Because why can't Hyunwoo of all people see the real her. When did he forget to understand her? It must be so hurtful for her to think Hyunwoo's forgotten how warm she was with him. I imagine she used to wait up for him before the miscarriage but here she's listening to her husband say she's not that kind of person. (That little scene where Haein sits on the sofa waiting but Hyunwoo chose not to ask her if she was okay is my evidence! There was a post on this as well a while ago!)

It's also evident in her desire to run a hand over his shoulder to remove the dampness there. Her screaming at him to hold the umbrella properly. But he's so oblivious and deaf to her love that it hurts to witness.

- The bar after their day at the Lavender field in Germany at their honeymoon

Haein smiles and says, she wasn't angry after he told her that he had noticed no one else and that his eyes were only on her. But Hyunwoo remembers her being angry for another two hours. This scene was such a small example of it. What if Haein's anger did immediately dissipate but Hyunwoo just interpreted it as her still being angry. I can't offer any evidence as we don't see this scene but their different accounts make me think what if she was just feeling down but he assumed it was a continuation of her anger.

There are so many other examples sprinkled throughout the show as well. I started off really disliking her character but I've grown to really appreciate it. Because once you see how warm Hong Haein is in love, you'll see just how fierce, loyal and undying her conviction and mind is. She'll show and tell you in the most beautiful ways just how much she cares without ever telling you she loves you. She's not cold, she's just misunderstood.

Unfortunately though, life isn't a drama. So when people like this do exist, they tend to be written off as cold, harsh, unlovable. Humans have the potential to be infinitely complex creatures which is why it's been so interesting to see Haein's multi faceated character these past 8 weeks.

Just an additional thought: I also love the difference between Haein and Hyunwoo's business ideologies. Haein is sharp, to the point, efficiency, money and loyalty oriented. While Hyunwoo is soft, caring, warm and people oriented.

We see Hyunwoo's ideology against his father in law. When the FIL wanted to stab his long serving employee it was unfathomable for Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo's ties with the past employees of Queens got him so much information and support. His logical request to the manager of maintenance to make it snow comes after a long, good relationship - it's pretty evident in that scene. I loved how the show displayed Hyunwoo's ability to make deep and good relationships and how it ended up helping them to get Queens back. It's a hugeee contrast to how things run in the Hong Family. It was very fresh to see him show from his actions 'You can be nice and still get the job done'.

But even Hae-in's contacts, though acquired differently, are just as instrumental. The employee she took a stand for, the juice guy and Secretary Na. None of them would call her warm or soft but they would sing her praises if you ever ask them. It's such an interesting parallel between their characters. It also goes to show Haein is a good person, she just tends to show it very selectively and rarely. I do think the 1 Trillion club made her think of only money and efficiency for a while, but I still do believe she had been doing good away from public eyes, changing people's lives - it's just that no one was there to witness or publicize them.

[skellseerwriting]

Pirates and Prejudice (and Dragons)

James Hook x GN! Dragon Rider!Reader Part 3

Pt.1 pt.2

Here’s the not-apology apology chapter!

Reader is disabled (prosthetic foot) and I am not disabled, so if anyone who’s reading this is please let me know if anything is written weirdly or wrongly

Word Count: 2,162

Warnings: Descriptions of phantom pains, some slight hurt/mostly comfort, romantic tension, mentions of injury, reader feels conflicted

Content: Hook starts avoiding reader, reader starts experiencing really bad phantom pains, someone arrives to help them, who could it be?

It was daunting, how little changed yet how big that change meant. Most of life went on the same, but the little differences meant everything.

Hook and his friends stopped bothering you. In fact, you hardly ever saw them. Maybe it was just because they would go out of their way to pick on you before, but it made it almost seem as if they were avoiding you. Which, yes, was nice, but that also included Hook.

Now, whenever you saw each other in hallways or on school grounds, he would practically move as far away from you as possible. Even in class he would try and take the seat farthest from yours. And every time, his face would look a stressful combination of fear, guilt, and some secret, third thing.

You hated it.

You hated seeing him avoid you when all you had wanted when you first met was to be friends; or acquaintances on good terms, at the very least. You despised that look that happened to share too much resemblance to pity, which was something you grew to hate since your injury. The way he almost tiptoed around you created an irritable, unscratch-able itch. His treatment of you was as if you were fragile; that if he got too close you would break. Well, if it continued, you weren’t sure how long you would last until you actually snapped.

An annoying side effect from all the stress were the phantom pains. Whenever they happened in the past you would go for a fly. School still being in session prevented that.

It’s not that the nurse didn’t understand your condition; She had in fact told you to go to her to sort out exceptions of attending class when needed, bless her heart. No, the reason you were determined to grit it out was because you were worried of rumors. If word got out of you skipping class, regardless of how valid the reason, you knew the social consequences of it.

You would not let people think you were weak.

You were not weak.

Grinding your teeth together out of pain, you told yourself that excusing yourself to the restroom near the end of class right before free period didn’t count. Nobody would be able to tell anything.

Still, it was hard.

You had went to your usual spot at the courtyard fountain, limping badly and starting to sweat over the feelings of pins at your ankle. It had never been this bad before. The only time it had been worse than this was during the recovery process a few years ago. As time had gone on, you forgot what that felt like. Pain surged through the area again, reminding you.

Massaging it was an option, but you did not want to do it out in the open. You felt vulnerable, open to the world. Your dorm was also so far away from here, just thinking about the walk made your foot feel worse.

Clenching your hands on your legs while trying to breath steadily, you continued to keep your eyes closed. Shut everything out.

 There is nothing around you but open air, you told yourself. That breeze you feel in front of you? That’s the wind hitting your face while flying on Beastie. The splashing of water behind you? A coursing waterfall you were flying close to. The person sitting to your left? They-

You opened your eyes.

No. Not him.

Anyone but him.

An extreme surge of pain occurred again. You couldn’t keep a still face and made a near-silent cry.

You knew he saw that and you hated it.

“Go away, please.” You whispered, doing everything in your power to not look at him. He only made it worse, being the source of your current stress and anxiety.

You sensed no movement.

“Hook, please.” you pleaded. “Please leave me alone.” You needed him to leave. One of your worst moments was on display and he was just watching. He could hear your tears even if he couldn’t see them, and he could definitely see you left shoe shaking uncontrollably. Why hasn’t he left?

A hand placed itself on your shoulder.

“Are you having phantom pains right now?” He asked softly. Surprised at the care and quietness in his voice, you looked at him. His face and his eyes held none of what they had before. There was no fear. There was no pitiful guilt. There was just endearing worry, along with that secret, third thing.

You nodded your head, fingers gripping the tough sides of the leather gear strapped onto your pants.

“Can I help you?” He whispered, head tilted closer to yours.

Part of you jumped at the question, desperate to say yes. The other part, unfortunately, was terrified. This man... This- pirate of a man, walked a tightrope in your mind between someone to avoid at all costs… and someone you were far too eager to get close to.

What would happen if you said yes? As sincere as he sounded, what if he was lying? Up until recently, all his cares towards you were to make your life miserable. What if he intended to get close to you just to hurt you at some farther point ahead? Your heart would surely break more than anything else.

But what if he meant it? What if he could help you in all the ways you needed, not only just now, but in the future? Would you finally find that solidarity you had been seeking? Ease of not feeling different here? Would he do that for you? Become that important to you?

Would you become that important to him?

You dwelled on that for a moment longer. Hook started to look nervous, perhaps wondering if you didn’t want him there after all. He wouldn’t have been surprised after everything he had done to you. Then, you said something to him.

“What?” He asked, thinking his ears had betrayed him. You gave him a tiny smile.

“Yes.” you breathed. “I said yes.”

His eyes crinkled into little crow’s feet, and that alone made it worth it to say.

Before even asking or telling him anything, he brought his right hand off your shoulder and turned away slightly, only to turn back a few seconds later with something shiny in his palm.

“This is my hook.” Ah, he was trying to distract you. Of course he knew that technique, since he would deal with phantom pains himself with his own hand. Although if you were being honest, him sitting inches away from you and sharing your air probably distracted you more than anything else. He was so close.

Smiling, you began to trace the little garnishes and engravings at the cylindrical part.

“It’s very pretty.” You told him plainly, focusing on the design instead of your foot. “Did someone make it for you?”

“Not exactly.” He said with an air of mischievousness. “I stole it from a famed prosthetics-maker during a long trip to the east.” Something about the way he said it made you think he was fibbing, but you let out a giggle nonetheless when he grinned at you- like he knew that you knew. “Want me to get a pretty foot for you?” He asked with a wink.

“Only if it matches your hook.” You joked lightly, not letting him have one over you with that last remark. Surprisingly, Hook started to stammer a little bit while turning pink.

Laughing, you shove his shoulder a little with your own. “Relax, I’m just kidding. My current one is fine the way it is; I can’t value appearance over durability and stability with my occupation.” He seemed to accept the answer, still flustered.

“Mine’s made of steel. So it has both strength and lightness.” He told you.

“Really?” You asked. “It looks rather heavy.”

“Here.” He said, setting it in your open hand. Wow, it was really light. “Can’t have my enemies be besting the greatest pirate captain of the seas.”

You snorted, running your finger over the metal curve. You swore you saw him shiver at that. “I find that hard to believe.”

Leaning closer, he said “You ride dragons. I thought you of all people know that we aren’t limited by our youth.”

Hearing the word “dragons” sent a jolt through your leg and you grimaced. Like hearing the cause of its loss was enough to make your foot feel it again. You’d almost forgotten about the pains now, and now they felt like they were starting to come back.

“Don’t say that.” You told him quietly, looking at his too-close-face so he could look in your eyes and understand that you were being serious.

“Say what?” He asked. His eyebrows scrunched upwards and his eyes filled with worry. You take a breath.

“The creature you just mentioned.” You told him with honesty, then looked dow again. “It’s making it worse right now.”

Realization must’ve clicked immediately in his brain because he moved his left arm into you field of view, showing his wrist without the hook that he took off earlier.

“I got mine eaten clean off by a crocodile.” He said, then gave a silly smirk. “It was my fault, really. I was being an idiot boy when I was fourteen- no, thirteen. A couple weeks after was my birthday and my mum gave me the hook for when I fully healed.”

You grinned; he had fibbed when he said how he obtained the hook. Glancing at your still shoe, you told him “I lost mine when I was thirteen too. My class was learning by watching our instructors handle a vicious one. Things got out of hand -quite literally- and next thing you know, due to some wicked sharp claws, I was out of foot.” You laugh a little at your joke. In the rare occasion you told someone what happened, you loved making the pun. Some laughed with you, some didn’t, and most looked at you like you were crazy. You didn’t let that bother you though, it was your trauma so you got to joke about it however you liked.

“I shouldn’t say I’m surprised.” Hook said. “I thought it might have something to do with dr- with those creatures. At least you get to tell people you lost it to one of them; how cool is that?” He ended excitedly.

You shrugged. “Most amputees from my home lost them the same way as me, so it’s pretty common to me.” Side-eying him and nudging his side you told him “I’ve never heard of stories of people losing limbs to crocodiles though, so I think yours is much cooler!”

He beamed a little. “Really?”

“Yes.” You told him. “Why would I lie to you, Hook?” He bristled a little.

“What’s the matter?”

“Oh,” he waved you off with his hand. “Nothing really, I guess I didn’t expect you to call me that.”

“What? Hook?”

“Mhmm.”

“But… that’s your name?”

He looked into your eyes; his own moving back and forth between yours due to being so close. At some point you two had shifted closer and your legs were now touching.

“Hook,” He began slowly, moving his tongue around in his mouth to get the words right. “Is the name associated with the pirate. The Villain Kid. The bad person. All of which I’m completely fine with! Despite what others say or think, I’m happy with who I am. But-“ he softened his voice and leaned closer again. Much, much closer. “Hearing you call me by that name makes me feel like you only see those things. I know that’s not completely true,” he added, whispering “I just feel this ache in my heart when you say it. I don’t want you to call me that.”

Despite feeling your heart lodged in your throat, you managed to get out a “What would you like me to call you?”

A “hnn” came out of his lips and you couldn’t help by look at them. “Call me James.”

“James.” You said, testing his name on your tongue. His eyes went wild when you did so.

“Yes, darling?” He whispered. You leaned closer.

“I- “

The tower bell rung. Students started streaming out of doors and into the courtyard. You both jumped back. Then, H- James gets up.

“Meet me at the entrance after school.” He told you.

“Why?” You quiz, now blushing, holding up his hook for him.

He put it on then grabbed your hand before you could lower it.

“Because,” his eyes twinkled, now bowing at the waist. “I’m going to take you on an adventure!” And with that, he pressed a chaste kiss to your knuckle and walked away before you could even process what this charming boy had just done to you.

Extra:

Hook: Um, guys? Remember how Scarface said they wanted a peg leg?

Hook: Well… turns out they have a prosthetic foot…

Everyone:…

Maleficent: You’re such an idiot

Part 4

[panlight]

The first Twilight book ending with so much genuinely intriguing information about Alice that is immediately ignored is so crazy to me that it’s honestly funny.

The other vampires don’t necessarily remember their human lives well compared to their vampire ones but they do clearly have a lot of memories that inform who they are as people. And then we find out that Alice remembers almost nothing about being human and is the only vampire we meet who basically had her entire personality be created from only her vampire life. And the idea of who someone would be if they had only ever been a super powered future seeing non human is interesting, and it would have been especially interesting to see how it makes her act different from the others and perceive the world differently because she wouldn’t in any way identify with humanity or being human and any human experiences.

And then she just is exactly like everyone else and no it didn’t actually affect a single thing about her personality. And the fact that as both a human and vampire she has never experienced time in a linear fashion is way less impactful on her character than one would think beyond that she used future sight as a helpful tool.

Smeyer is so wild for creating genuinely really cool character and world building ideas and then immediately ignoring them and not considering that they would in any way correlate to how that character acts

Oh for sure! There are so many fascinating little character details that just . . . don't . . . go . . . anywhere. Really Alice waking up as a vampire with no memory of anything else is SO interesting and could be such a contrast to the others, but it's only sort of hinted at and doesn't end up really mattering at all. There's Edward's line about how if she hadn't had her ability to see the future and saw Jasper and Carlisle and where her life would end up, she'd probably have turned out to be a feral monster or something and how no one could understand how she could be abandoned like that. SM pays lips service to the idea that Alice doesn't remember being human but she mostly uses that to like, push her into being obsessed with human rites of passage for Bella that she can sort of live vicariously through rather than a deeper, more meaningful exploration of what it would be like to be in Alice's shoes.

Genuinely, I'm fascinated by every single one of the Cullens' stories as newborns except Bella's, because it's just the most boring one. She doesn't give up or lose anything, she doesn't wake up to a world she didn't know existed. She's about as well-informed as a human could be and she wants to be a vampire and is instantly good at it so it's all just so . . . blah. Alice waking up with no memory and superpowers and insatiable thirst is about 1000 times more interesting. Just imagine how disorientating and confusing and frightening that would be! Carlisle lived out his own horror movie as a newborn, being bitten on a vampire hunting raid gone wrong, hiding during his transformation out of fear his father would burn him alive, realizing what he had become and trying to destroy himself before he hurt anyone ending with him starving himself in the woods for months. Jasper, too, had a whole horror movie where he was the nightmarish monster, to humans as well as other vampires. And the other Cullens died and 'woke' up to a new life they had no idea about and had to lean on strangers they either barely knew or didn't know at all. That's the interesting stuff. That's what I like about vampire stories. But these experiences barely matter to how they act in the present day. Jasper's poor self control matters in some scenes and doesn't matter at all in others. Rosalie's baby obsession is a big feature of Breaking Dawn, but Esme, who actually had and lost a baby, might as well be wallpaper in that book. Edward's going on about how could he ever love this thing if it kills Bella, meanwhile Carlisle's mother literally DID die giving birth to him and it never enters the conversation.

And for SM, Alice's whole "doesn't remember being human" ends up being focused entirely on like, shopping and parties and clothes, so she can live vicariously through Bella. And on one hand there's something interesting in there, something pathetic (in the pathos sense) with Alice trying to understand humanity in this sort of superficial way because she doesn't have the experience or memories to go any deeper, but it's mostly portrayed as just wheee isn't Alice fun! I wish I had a sister/best friend like Alice! It's just blatantly obvious that it's less about who Alice is than what she can do for Bella.

Even in New Moon where we find out that Alice has been researching her own history, found her own grave and asylum admission papers, and it goes nowhere! It doesn't change how Alice behaves at all, it doesn't change her relationship with Bella, Bella just kind of goes "huh interesting" and we never hear about it again. I mean Alice goes through it in these books and you wouldn't even know! She finds out that James had hunted her when she was human and this other vampire turned her to save her and died defending her. She finds out she was put in an asylum by her father and he told everyone she was dead. And even though she's the 4th most prominent character after Bella, Edward and Jacob, there's still no room in the Bella-centric narrative for Alice to have the space to actually deal with any of this. She's too busy fulfilling her role as Bella's fairy godmother sister.

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan elle september issue cover story Q&A

ELLE: During this rest period, do you think about things that happened on the set?

Xiao Zhan: Of course, I remember a few days after the filming was finished, I had a dream that we were still filming, and the director and I were still discussing how to say that word? How to handle that scene?

ELLE: Do you actually miss the atmosphere on the set?

Xiao Zhan: I like it very much, because I like the feeling of everyone creating together and working together to get something done.

ELLE: When you first entered the entertainment industry and your popularity grew rapidly, you said that it felt a bit unreal and magical, but now you seem to be quite relaxed. How did this change happen?

Xiao Zhan: Rather than saying it’s unreal or magical, after so many years I feel that I haven’t had time to adapt to the fast pace at that time, so when I wake up from sleep, where am I today? What am I doing? I think it’s a process, just like when you first enter the workplace, everyone is very excited, "I’m here to work, please take good care of me", "I’m here, everyone get out of the way", "I can do it, I can do it". (Laughs) But after experiencing a lot of things, I feel that everything needs to be planned for the long term.

ELLE: In several interviews you mentioned that you like to play roles that "can convey energy". Why do you have such a preference?

Xiao Zhan: Because I think it is the life of the character. The kind of energy I am talking about is not just a single positive energy in the general sense. I mean the nutrition that can be subtle and silent. I believe that every character has a complete story line in his heart. This is what I like very much. As long as you dig deep, you can move people. I don’t like to call the villain a "villain", as if it is defined as a bad character from the beginning, but it is not. He may have his own difficulties.

ELLE: It sounds like “transmitting energy” is just a general term. Is it actually about understanding different people through performance?

Xiao Zhan: Yes, if we break it down to each character, they all convey different things. But if we say they are “good guys” or “bad guys”, I think that’s meaningless.

ELLE: So do you think acting is a form of communication?

Xiao Zhan: Yes, you can say that. I think it’s great to say that (acting) is a bridge to communicate with the audience. Just like when a play is broadcast, I will read some of the audience’s comments and impressions, and feel that they have a rich feeling about the work. When I see some comments that are exactly the same as my thoughts when filming, I feel very magical, as if this bridge is really connected. We don’t know each other in life, and we haven’t communicated, but he suddenly got my thoughts at the time, and I felt that, oh, acting is a very beautiful and magical thing.

ELLE: Do you watch some science fiction movies, TV shows, and literary works?

Xiao Zhan: Yes, I used to like watching "The Three-Body Problem". I have watched some science fiction movies recently, the American TV series "The Stars", and recently I am watching "The Replica". They are all about infinite flow and parallel time and space. Because I think there may really be parallel time and space. Every choice you make will split into a different parallel time and space.

ELLE: Do you imagine Xiao Zhan in a parallel universe?

Xiao Zhan: I really wonder, for example, is he still an actor? Maybe, is he still filming now? Is he still singing now? Or is he still a designer? Is he working for others or is he his own boss? (Laughs) Really, I really wonder.

ELLE: What do you think the future will be like?

Xiao Zhan: Wow, I think the world might return to its original state at that time, and the world might become a better place, and people would return to the most basic communication with each other.

ELLE: This is very interesting. Why do you think so?

Xiao Zhan: Anyway, at least now I am a little disgusted with the ubiquitous Internet. When we were young, when there were no mobile phones, we would chat while eating, and we would call our friends downstairs to play hide-and-seek and various games. I think that time was very precious.

ELLE: Will the profession of actor still exist by then?

Xiao Zhan: I think there will be. I believe that as long as life goes on, drama will continue. Because everyone needs an output, needs emotional resonance and sustenance, whether it is images or sounds. So I think that even if the world is destroyed, as long as there are still people, drama will definitely exist.

-END.

source

[goddessxeffect]

« INTRO: AWAKEN TO (YOUR)SELF »

A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO ALL THINGS CONSCIOUSNESS

This blog used to be a journal in the process of self realization of it's creator but has yet turned out to be a collection of sources and information guiding you too on your way back to your true Being. It all started with the question: “Who are you really?” and the realization that reality is not what it seems. I'm at a point now where I do not follow any teachings or concepts anymore nor did I consent in strictly deviding law of assumption from non dualism in the past. Nowadays, I see myself as an advocate for Self-realization. That being said, I really want to distance myself from any "new age manifestation/law of assumption" (do this to get xyz) teachings practised on youtube or tiktok.

I did create my own content in the past but stopped because there is nothing new to say and my understanding has deepened. Posts and annotations written by me are easily recognisable by my typical colour code, which is obviously displayed here. I only answer questions for understanding or clarification, guidelines here.

HOW TO START

Advaita Vendata (Non Dualism): an Introduction

Core of non dual understanding

If everything is consciousness, I am everything and everything is me? I still feel like "me", I don't feel like god of my reality How to become aware(ness) How to control the thoughts How to be free from emotions and thoughts Stop concerning yourself with the wants and needs of Ego How to loose attachment to Ego What you really are How to be Consciousness/ Awareness

In the end, the only question remaining should be who you are without all the labels attached to "I am". You will come to discover you do not want freedom from this shape alone, but from all shapes. Be aware of your past being over. "External world shows otherwise? Just be like "for how long do you think it can keep this up when you have nothing to do with it?" @Ada

MY CONTENT/ EPIPHANIES

You can experience pain in your life but you don’t have to ‘suffer’ the pain.”  - Anon I mus

#masterpost, #goddessawakening

» Mosaic » Be yourself first »"Manifesting" » Freedom » Being » Why everbody misinterprets Self concept » Is there a real difference? »Misidentification » Consciousness & Limitation » No others » Question Reality » Missing » Ego & Time

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

... what to find on my blog through the tags

Advise/FAQs: Koda, Nova, iam-you, Cassie, Bry, Jag, Vesora, Lain, more What is Ego? How it feels to be Self / Awareness All on Self Realization and Detachment All on LOA trough a non dualistic view Books

If you still want to focus on "getting your desires" after been through all the info, search Neville Goddard (all his books and lectures). If you have a hard time understanding Neville, I advise some people who break down his teachings in a short and modern way of speaking: Edward Art (Reddit(Series), Audio), embodythestate, niclasupgradetolife, Josiah Brandt on YouTube

[astrow0rldx]

18+ My own tarot reading by AI

so I did a tarot reading on this guy i like using my own tarot cards and typing it into AI. the only context i gave ai was the genders and the cards and said make a story. GPT is crazy. idk if you guys have to know me enough by my blog, in real life, the actual dynamic, etc. to understand how accurate this is but i decided to share this tip and this reading energy with you guys <3

his energy towards me:

I’ve watched her for some time now, and there’s something in her presence that pulls me in like nothing I’ve ever felt. Maybe it’s her youth—the way she moves through life with such fire, so much energy, like she hasn’t yet learned to slow down. It makes me feel both old and alive all at once. She’s different. She’s fresh, untamed, with a wildness that I can’t quite control, and that’s what makes me want her even more.

I see her again. The way she looks at me when she thinks I’m not paying attention—the flicker of curiosity in her eyes, the unspoken invitation. She knows what she’s doing, and so do I. We’ve been dancing around this tension for a while now.

What excites me about her isn’t just the youthfulness, the smooth skin, the bright eyes—it’s the idea that I could mold this connection. I want to take her and guide her, show her things she’s never experienced before, things only someone I could teach. That thought alone sends a surge of heat through my body. There’s power in it. The idea of control, of being the one who leads, the one who takes. I imagine how she’d respond to me—eager, curious, and willing to explore every inch of her body under my touch.

But it’s not just lust. It goes deeper than that. In the quiet moments, when I’m alone, I think about her. I picture her in my bed, the softness of her body pressed against mine. I wonder what it would feel like to watch her surrender, to give herself fully to me. And I think about how I would take my time with her—no need to rush. I’d savor every second, every breath, every sound she makes. She wouldn’t just be a conquest, no. She’s more than that.

There’s a possessiveness in how I feel. I want to make her mine, completely, utterly. I want to be the only one who knows what it’s like to touch her, to have her. It’s not enough to just take her body—I want her heart, her soul. And in those fantasies, she’s always willing, always ready for me. I imagine her looking up at me with those wide eyes, waiting for my next move, trusting me to lead her into something deeper, darker. I want to show her everything, to let her feel things she’s never felt before.

Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about her in the strangest moments. At work, during meetings, even when I’m with other people. I’ll see something—a glance, a touch—and my mind will drift back to her, to what we could have together. It’s like she’s taken root in my thoughts, a constant presence that I can’t shake. And the more I think about her, the more I want her.

There’s also something dangerous in these feelings. I’m cautious, always calculating. I’ve been hurt before, and I know the risks of giving too much too soon. But with her, it’s different. I want to open up, to let her see me for who I really am. And maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to her—because she makes me feel like I could be vulnerable again. But that’s a double-edged sword, isn’t it? Vulnerability can lead to pain, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

Even with all the desire, there’s a part of me that hesitates. Maybe it’s because I know this can’t just be about sex. She’s the kind of woman who could turn my world upside down, and that scares me more than anything. I’ve spent years building walls, protecting myself from emotions that run too deep. But when I think of her, those walls start to crack. And that’s where the confusion sets in. I want her, but I’m afraid of what having her might mean.

In the end, I know I can’t hold back forever. The pull is too strong. She’s too captivating, too tempting, and every part of me screams to make a move. But I have to be careful. I want to do it right. I want to make sure that when I take her, she knows it’s more than just lust. It’s about control, power, desire��but also something deeper, something I haven’t felt in a long time.

And maybe that’s what scares me the most. the fact that she could be the one to make me feel again

[poppy-metal]

you get so excited when he writes back. you don’t tell your parents about him, because they never like the boys you bring home anyway, and there’s no need until you actually do bring him home. you’re quite surprised when he does reply, again another thing you didn’t think about, another display of your short sightedness.

hey

thanks for the letter. i don’t get many so yours made my day. you’re a very pretty girl. you know i’m bad don’t you? you shouldn’t be writing to a guy like me. but im happy you did. you said you think im beautiful. tell me more about what you think of me, and what you thought when you watched the trial. what did you think of that cunt of a judge? also, have you done this before? have you spoken to other killers? you have to tell me. i have to know. don’t speak to any others from now on. they might not be as friendly as i am.

yours truly

patrick zweig

aka the hamptons hatchet man xx

you kiss that letter a thousand times and sleep with it under your pillow. you spend hours crafting the perfect reply, while patrick spends his time hoarding his meds to drug guards, and begins stashing away any and all sharp objects he can get his degenerate paws on. anything to reach you before the loose men of the world do.

THE HAMPTONS HATCHET MAN..... stop because him using a hatchet.... swinging it over his head and bringing it down.... I like this visual, I'm seeing it. and thing is he mostly just killed bad people, people who pissed him the fuck off - alot of people feel sympathy for him, especially women. but most of them are cock hounds - they just want a taste of danger without actually knowing what it means. he's kind of disturbed by them. the desperation. he's definitely not the man to harp on about morals, but really?

but there's something about you - you're not horny, for one. you're kind of silly - sweet. you're not writing him because you want a "bad boy" to write you back, you saw something in him you relate to on a deeper level, you feel connected to him on an emotional level. you say you understand what it's like to feel helpless and alone and angry. you're the only girl he ever writes back.

his handwriting is shit - but something about it makes your heart full. the way the ink bleeds in places - the sharp aggressive scrawl. you kiss the paper, blot it with your lip stain.

the connection isn't sexual to start - not for you, anyway. it's not long though that your stomach starts fluttering in your belly at his crude language. a throbbing between your legs you haven't felt before. you wanted to be friends. let him know he had a friend.

he keeps saying fuck in his letters, though. keeps calling you things like sweetheart and good girl and princess - and it makes you feel funny. you feel so guilty, you've never felt this way before.

do you tell him? maybe he can explain these feelings to you. he's much more experienced and he's your friend. he would be honest with you, upfront.

I dont want you to be mad at me - but my feelings are changin' towards you. not in a bad way - I don't think. I'm not sure, actually. maybe it's bad. I care about you. you're my friend. but sometimes...... sometimes when I think about you and the way you speak to me I feel a little funny. it's like butterflies but down there.... you know in my private place. I know it's inappropriate to talk about it - mama would beat my hide for even mentioning my private parts to another man. I'm just so confused. it gets wet. almost like an ache. but not the ache I get in my stomach when it's my monthly - that's a bad ache. this feels different. I know there are things I don't understand that other people do. would you tell me? I don't like not understanding what's happening to my body. I don't think it's bad. if I had to pinpoint it - I'd say it's almost good. but too much good. I'm sorry I'm botherin' you with this. I just trust you more than anyone else. with everything. with me.

[cupidlovesastro]

𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒅 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎

this is very different from my regular post, but i thought i’d do a post about this because i have a good understanding of this topic and i like doing it😭

the only things that your really going to need to do this is dreaming often and willpower. you don’t need to be super experienced at ANYTHING or do all these “methods” that people tell you to follow. just utilize the power of your brain !

for context, i started doing this around 13-14. i never had a bad experience with it and i very very rarely have nightmares. maybe 3 once a year, and i dream every single night. also, this is about how i did it and accomplished it !

1. gain consciousness in your dream

instead of mindlessly dreaming like you may do at times, try to gain consciousness in your dream. by that i mean, look at your dream and really pay attention to what’s going on. what do you see, hear, taste, feel? where are you? who are you with? start to pay attention to your dreams because then, you will teach yourself how to understand and actually remember your dreams when you wake up instead of waking up and having no clue what you dreamed of. do this for about a week or so before proceeding to the next step

my experience

when i do this, usually i realize im in a dream because im somewhere ive never been before, or im with people i never see, or something is somewhere it isn’t supposed to be. so when i realize im dreaming, i often tell myself “oh im in a dream”

2. explore a little

so now that you’ve realized your dream, walk around, start thinking of what you may want to say to someone in your dream, music you want to hear, food you want to, etc

my experience

this part is one of the fun parts. you can now start to control yourself and what you do in that realm. so i’ve talked to people i know in real life in my dreams, even people i don’t know. i’ve walked around places i’ve never been as well

3. start controlling things that are already in your dream

so before we get to the part where we control our entire dream, let’s start controlling things our brain has already created. so if you see a person try to control that person to talk to you, if you see a cat try to get that cat to come to you, change the color of the room your in, etc. this will help with your control over your subconscious mind, and is a little more difficult than step 2 because instead of controlling yourself, your controlling the outside world now

my experience

this for me is a little difficult for the main reason being that you have to put a lot of focus and control in it. with step 2 it’s pretty easy to do because you already are aware of yourself in your dream, you just have to control yourself. but with this part you have to control other things, which i’ve done. get someone to talk to me, or changed rooms i was in.

4. create things and / or make things disappear

now we want to sort of form our reality. so you want to start thinking of what you want to see, touch, experience, etc. if you want to see a celebrity, then do it, or if your into manifesting, view your manifestation(s). as for the disappearing part, let’s say you see something that you dislike, try to make it disappear.

my experience

i’ve done this a lotttt but usually it’s unintentional. like i’ll thinking about how i want to see someone, and they’ll appear in my dream. but in the very few nightmares ive had, ive also had to make this disappear 😭

5. create your reality

similar to what i mentioned earlier about what you want in your reality, now you want to completely create that reality. if you want to be at the beach with your friend then create that, or if you want to see your crush/ lover then create them !

my experience

this is the funnest part ofc, and i don’t usually need to create entire realities, but i have created people and things i’ve wanted to see, hear, touch, taste, etc

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

What’s the difference between Malleus and Idia? What Idia was about to do when he overbloted would have been just as bad as what Malleus is doing if not worse. (Releasing a bunch of OBs and reshaping the world would not be safe for everyone) is it just just because Idia has a more sympathetic back story? I understand that some people have their likes and dislikes, but I’m just curious. I love all my Twisted boys!

I’d say that the scale of Idia and Malleus’s machinations (and even both backstories involving the loss of a family) are similar. I don’t believe that Idia has the “more sympathetic” backstory; if anything, Malleus is also very relatable and sad because we can all relate to the fear of change + losing someone precious to us and/or wanting to stay in a happy "fantasy" world (ie TWST) forever. However, the methodology and the context surrounding their actions are not the same. That’s what makes Malleus’s actions so much more despicable to me. (Again, I want to stress that this is NOT an objective take; this is my own interpretation of the events, characters, and their motivations.)

Firstly, Malleus is exerting much more power over his victims and actively tries to maintain it. He has already robbed ~20,000 people (the population of Sage's Island) of their autonomy and essentially gaslit them into accepting it as their reality. Idia has employed no such physical control or emotional manipulation. All he has done is release Phantoms out of Tartarus to rampage around the world. Both he and Malleus are putting Twisted Wonderland in danger, yes--but Malleus is also committing the moral wrong of forcing his will upon others' bodies and minds. The only other OB to involve manipulation/mind control is Jamil, and even then that was on a much smaller scale by comparison. Whenever someone so much as challenges Malleus's word, he or his autonomous magic goes out of its way to trick them back into sleep or pulling them even deeper in--and this act is much more insidious than just ripping away their free will altogether (as Jamil had). Malleus is knowingly and willingly deceiving thousands and thousands of people; Idia's plan, meanwhile, never goes that far. It could be argued that his plan was to "play hero" to save people from Phantoms so that he could make friends this way (which is also deception), but let's remember that this was Ortho's suggestion, not Idia's. We have no clue if Idia himself would carry it out, nor it he would go to the same lengths of gaslighting that Malleus did. For all we know, he could have just drawn the line at letting the Phantoms run free and being "friends" with everyone.)

Even if we assume that Idia was fully intending to be just as deceitful, Idia and Malleus are very different people, so the context and motivations behind their OBs are very different as well. The loss that Idia experienced was that of a close family member, and he has been living with that grief for several years prior to his OB. His OB, then, is in an attempt to adapt to that lingering guilt and shame and to "fix" the past. When he loses to the other boys, he offers to "go" with Ortho to right his wrongs, but ultimately doesn't. He's willing to take all of the "burden" upon himself for what he has done in the aftermath. Malleus meanwhile lost his parents, who are figures he never became intimate with or really got to know because they vanished before he had hatched. What Malleus experiences before his OB is the fear and anxiety of losing his loved ones (Lilia, Yuu, etc.), something which has not happened yet. He is unable to accept these changes, so his OB is a desperate act to prevent those events from unfolding. Idia is fixated on correcting the past, and Malleus is fixated on stopping the future--he's determining everyone's future for them. Because of this, I perceive Idia as a person with hang-ups about previous life experiences that he's overcorrecting for while Malleus comes off like a three-year old throwing a tantrum and making it everyone else's problem too.

Another element to this is that whereas Idia has to take some level of accountability for his actions (even if it's just a scolding and banishment from his parents + feeling upset with himself), Malleus never does, even in scenarios where he clearly endangers the lives of his classmates. He can claim it's "by accident" or "just a misunderstanding" all he wants, but it won't erase the worry or the battles his classmates went through for the "surprise party" he wanted to have for them. He always walks away feeling as though he "did the right thing". So what happens when Malleus, AGAIN, endangers the lives of several people? Is his power and social status going to save his ass AGAIN? Is he going to be let off way easier than everyone else AGAIN? That's what's really frustrating to me. Malleus's refusal to accept change AND the consistent lack of accountability feels very... juvenile. In-character for Malleus, but still very juvenile. Of course, book 7 isn’t done yet so maybe Malleus will eventually see the error of his ways. Right now though? All of the other stories leading up to this point in time rarely show Malleus taking accountability for anything he does, so my expectations of him aren’t great to say the very least.

A common defense I hear for Malleus is that "he's still considered a baby by dragon fae standards". Yes, I know this. However, that doesn't give Malleus a pass for his behavior. This has always been my stance on this matter. To me, he is still at least old enough to know what is an abuse of power or not--yet he acts so hypocritical, it's infuriating. For someone who is supposedly a good leader (according to his own dorm members) and cares so much about his relations to other countries (to the point where Malleus chides Sebek for being rude to other royals), I sure do see a lot of inappropriate emotional reactions and acts of abusing his power/social status (both of which can seriously harm his public image and sully his political reputation) 💀

But again, that’s just my interpretation and opinion on the matter; if you think differently then that’s valid as well!