#I realized that forcing people to go to another site just to read this is kind of rude so here we are

[simpjaes]

DAY-SHIFT. (p. sh)

― part one here! After finding out that your boss has seen, heard, and instructed you through some pleasurable nights while parading around as a faceless cam-boy, you decide that your best course of action is to: call out sick. use vacation days. avoid Park Sunghoon at all costs. Unfortunately, ten days doesn’t appear to be nearly enough time to erase what’s happened, and Sunghoon refuses to be avoided. or the one where sunghoon pretends that he isn’t an anxious mess over accidentally exposing himself and you just so happen to have a lot of fucking empathy. 

minors dni 

PAIRING ― boss / cam boy!sunghoon x afab reader  

WORDCOUNT― 14.5k 

CONTENT― forbidden office romance kind of, smidge of angst if ur sensitive, mentions of predatory behavior from sunghoon, he is more desperate than he is dominant, just the way we like it.

NOTE ― bro im so sorry this took way too long to write, it also is way longer than it's supposed to be. but yknow. i had to do him right lmfao. NOT PROOF READ.

nsfw tags under cut

nsfw tags― perverted sunghoon, heavy petting, making out, foreplay on a chair lol, desk sex, very intimate shit ok? ok., pussy eating, jerking off, finger fucking, fingers-in-mouth antics, gagging, implications of something more than just an office fling, unprotected sex, he fills you UP!!! YIPEE!!! 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Avoidance.

That is the only way you know out of any awkward or unsavory situation. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Find a new job, change your name, dye your hair– question all of your life choices up to this point.

It’s the fact that never in your life have you had an interest in live sex cams. It was always just a porn video or a nice erotic novel for you. Sometimes curiosity gets the best of you though, like it does all people, and it’s not like you thought anyone would ever know who you are or catch you in the act of feeding into your curiosities. 

The one time you ever navigated to the live camera feed on your favorite porn site did shift your sexual appetite a little bit. A whole new world of seeing exactly what you want without needing to search for far too long for that perfect video…for a cost, of course.

You made good money already, and it’s not like you weren’t going for that promotion at the time either. You thought, why not? Why not pay a pretty, faceless man for some anonymous jerking off and move on with your life? 

The one time you found something to satiate the late night body-cravings, the point of pleasure ended up being…your boss?

Small world? Miniscule, fucking tiny little world. 

For days you wondered if Sunghoon’s text to you was just a coincidence. After all, the faceless man on screen didn’t say a word to you after you uttered the name of your boss. Even if he directly said your name. Even if Park Sunghoon uttered your false name at work. 

Consistent back and forth in your head. From, “No, how could that even be possible? No way is it him.” to “but Mr.Park started being weird after the first call, he used both names, he played off of the boss/employee dynamic.”

You’re going crazy as you send another email to your department, apologizing for taking so many days off but not truly apologetic. It’s been ten days now and Sunghoon has yet to text you again. 

That little “Can we talk?” can be heard in your head in his voice. Only now recognizing how clear and unique it truly is when he does speak. You try not to realize how similar the cam-boy sounded to him. Only connecting the dots when they force you to do it, really. You still try to convince yourself that the text was about firing you, given his actions at work that very same day. 

Maybe he was avoiding you because he felt awful about needing to fire you? 

Maybe he sent that text message to start the process of pushing you out? 

After all, it’s still very difficult to imagine Park Sunghoon having a cock that nice, or cum in that amount. Given, it’s not like you ever thought about him jerking off or anything, it’s just–

You don’t fucking know. Your brain is a mess of shaking anxiety and echoes of sexual frustrations and moans. 

You were refunded your money. He texted after the session. He said your name. It’s him, isn’t it?

You refuse to fucking find out.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

From:...[ HRatyourjob@workemail.org ]

CC:...[ parksunghoon@workemail.org ]

BCC:...

Subject: Time off Request: Rejected. Insufficient PTO.

[insert your name here],

The time you have requested from the 27th to the 3rd has been rejected due to insufficient hours. As of last Thursday, you are no longer meeting the minimum hour requirement as a full-time employee. Your PTO is at 0 hours and 00 minutes and you now have three unexcused absences. Please return tomorrow with a signed order or note that exempts you from work. If you move forward without returning to the building, this will be grounds for termination. Please review the company handbook and job abandonment guidelines. 

Additionally, COO Lee, myself, and Division manager Park will be scheduling a meeting with you in the upcoming days, failure to appear will result in immediate termination.

Thank you,

HR

Well, fuck. You knew the time to avoid this would dry up, and this ten day hideaway to fake your death didn’t quite pan out.

Devastating, truly, that you have to walk through those doors with the same legs your boss may or may not have seen spread open for him through a grainy webcam image. Horrifying, that you have to look him in the eye and explain that you really were sick for the past ten days, that you definitely were not hiding the shame of your sexual desires.

The worst part about all of this? Not just the embarrassment but the fact that…you liked it. On that night, had he admitted it was him, you may not have ended the call yourself. It felt like it added some danger to your arousal at the time. Which, naturally, makes you more embarrassed now. Mostly because, at worst if that was Mr.Park, it was predatory. At best though? You very well may have consented.

But the what ifs don’t matter now. The only thing that matters is forcing yourself through the awkwardness of being at work after avoiding it for so long already.

Fortunately for you though, work is…weirdly normal. In fact, no one acts like you’ve missed ten days at all. You are greeted by the usual co-workers, you sit down at your desk and can log in as usual, and there are no warning emails or invitations for what would be considered a meeting of termination either. 

The day goes by just fine, suspiciously so. Sunghoon, though you’re avoiding him at the moment, doesn’t appear to be too out of character either. At one point, you were forced to drop corrected paper work off in his office, and he gave you the same usual and small “Thank you” before you stepped out with your legs threatening to buckle. 

Then again, his “casual” appreciation could just be your mind playing positive little tricks on you. Maybe it wasn’t casual at all. Maybe that little uncharacteristic breath afterwards isn’t just in your head. You didn’t make eye contact with him during that brief moment, and you did rush out quite quickly so you wouldn’t really know. However, in the deepest part of your brain his voice really does match the one who said all those dirty things to you. 

Maybe you’re still overreacting.

Or maybe you dreamed all of this up. 

You choose to remain unaware of the awkwardness around you solely because everything else is normal. Deep, deep down, you know. But you’re not giving that truth a chance to thrive or run your brain anymore.

And just as the day comes to an end, you’re actually feeling better. Anxiety is draining out of you, fear and embarrassment sit dormant in some hidden part of your brain over the small possibility of virtually fucking your boss. It seems you’ve let this work day clear up all of that fear in your head.

You were wrong, right? It wasn’t him, right? He’d have tried to defend himself by now. What boss wouldn’t be absolutely terrified that you’d report him, anyway? After all of that?

You actually feel a little dumb at the possibility of Mr. Park ever wanting you sexually, or ever even wanting to speak to you in that way. Asking to see your pussy? Telling you how to touch it? No, that’s definitely not him. Couldn’t be him. 

And your eyes do stray after a little while. Just to steal glimpses into his office, feeling relieved and weightless now that it appears your fears are over and finally understood. Doesn’t change the fact that now when you look at him, you might be wildly fucking attracted to him. Because fuck, imagine if that was him. You’re kind of forced to put his image to the faceless cam-boy now, not that you want to do that or anything. It just…you can’t really blame yourself for it.

You lend yourself a little laugh. As happy as you are that you’re able to convince yourself that it’s not Sunghoon’s cock you’ve yearned for, you really wouldn’t mind sleeping with someone as handsome as him. 

Crazy how the lack of anxiety lets you think those types of things though, isn’t it? When your brain is no longer fogged by fear or embarrassment, it’s like the clarity can sometimes be scarier simply because you don’t know how true certain statements are. Even through all of that fear, maybe a part of you wished it was him. 

Even with the weight on your shoulders lifted, in hindsight, maybe you’re even a little disappointed that it wasn’t. 

And, just as you’re preparing to clock out and head home with a big secret crush and a little pep in your step, you hear the familiar notification of an email. No problem, probably just a daily report or something. 

From:...[ parksunghoon@workemail.org ]

CC:...

BCC:...

Subject: Mandatory Advising

[insert your name here],

Please come to my office before you leave for the day to discuss your conduct as of late. 

Thank you,

Park Sunghoon

Division Manager

000-000-0000 ext. 000

Well, double fuck. To think everything was fine despite you being well aware of that shit HR said to you previously? 

You barely recognize how the email is sent directly to you from Mr. Park, not including HR or COO Lee. In fact, the anxiety wells up inside of you so quickly that you nearly have to dry heave a few times before taking a deep breath. 

In your head, it’s not even about the web-cam session with a faceless man anymore. Your anxiety about that died the moment you successfully lied to yourself enough, now you’re genuinely just afraid you’ll lose your job or that beloved promotion you worked so hard to be qualified for. You just had to let your anxiety run your life for the past ten days, didn’t you? After all, skipping work to such an extent? Everyone had to have known that it was a lie eventually.  

So, you stand to your feet, brush off your thighs, and attempt to keep your heart from pounding as you make your way to Mr. Park’s office expecting to see HR, COO Lee, and a severance package on the desk waiting for your signature. 

Instead, you walk in to just find your boss. He’s looking at you as he normally would, eyes focused on his screen before glancing at you for a moment and nodding his head to one of the chairs in front of his desk. 

“Mr. Park–” You start, nearly wincing at the way you say it because, well, you haven’t said it since the night you had your pussy out on display. It’s only natural to physically react, right?

“One moment.” He says in a small voice, clicking a few times with the mouse as you watch the monitor light shine across his cheeks with each window he minimizes. 

It’s silent for a few moments as you awkwardly look around an office you’ve been in countless times. His lights are always dimmed, the temperature is always comfortable. You’re gonna miss this office, though it’s not your own. It was a nice, brief escape before all of this if you’re being honest. 

“How was work for you today?” He turns his attention to you, finally adjusting and rolling his chair to center himself in front of you behind his desk 

You pause at the question, unintentionally tilting your head at it like a puppy. “Good? Normal, I guess?” 

You watch as he nods with a tight-lipped expression, eyes falling to his desk as he takes in a deep and disappointed sounding breath. 

“Well, that’s one of us.” He huffs out, causing you to feel a bit confused with his tone. Is he being…passive aggressive? And when he snaps his eyes from his desk straight to your own confused gaze, you can almost sense a bit of something else in them compared to usual. 

Not anger. Not disappointment. 

He looks worried.

“Eleven days–” Sunghoon drones on with an exhausted tone, cutting himself off with another breath that shows you were right to assume his current displayed emotion. “You have ignored my text messages for eleven days.” 

You’re shocked by that because as far as you’re concerned, he has not texted you.

“What are you–” You furrow your brows at him, frantically pulling out your phone. “You haven’t texted me. See? The last one I got was–” You take a second as you pull up his texts and remember the exact time he texted you. So late into the night, right after…that. Naturally, you silence yourself, afraid to say it out loud.

“On the contrary,” Sunghoon denies your proof. “I texted from my personal phone.”

You hesitate again, looking down and noting the notifications under the tab of  “message requests.” To be fucking fair though, you didn’t even know that existed so you never really paid attention to it. Especially as you practically avoided your phone out of fear that he’d be texting you again. 

You were thankful he didn’t. That comforted you. Now though? Your comfort is replaced yet again with anxiety because, well, he texted you consistently after that night.

“Oh–” You say quietly, seeing a glimpse of “Please, let me call y–” in one of the messages.

“I didn’t see those.” Quickly, you turn your screen off and shove your phone back into your pocket, nervously clasping your hands in front of you and looking to the floor. 

“I will reiterate then.” 

You can hear the leather on his chair squeak against his expensive suit when he leans forward, both hands splayed out on his desk in a wide and intimidating stance in front of you. 

“Wait–” You look around the office now. “If you’re going to fire me– shouldn’t the others be here too?”

Sunghoon pulls back at that, narrowing his eyes before lending a very small and even more nervous chuckle.

“I’m not firing you. I told them I’d take care of your sudden and, quite frankly, unhelpful vacation.” 

You look to the floor again, feeling scolded for your actions but having a genuine reason. If Sunghoon truly is aware of that reason for your absence, he understands too, right?

“I have been beyond inappropriate with you.” He blurts now, that same leather squeaking as he leans back again and looks away from you the moment you snap your head up. “I have reason to believe you’ve not yet reported me, and I’d like to ask for the opportunity to explain myself before you do.” 

You feel a chill wash over your whole body, cold sweat peaking right at your temples as you stare forward. He’s being so professional about this, and that lie you’ve convinced yourself of is showing it’s face as just that, a fucking lie.

So this is it? 

So there it is? A semi-admittance that it was him? That little feeling in the back of your head that wishes it was diminishes within an instant. In fact, you narrow your eyes at him, your nose crinkles, and you feel frustration bubble up in your gut.

“So you admit that it was you?” You ask, needing a full confirmation. 

“Yes.” Sunghoon sighs, leaning back somehow further, creating as much distance from you as possible before unintentionally rolling his eyes. Mostly due to the fact that he was stupid enough to let this happen, mostly to shame himself. “What I did was inappropriate and unacceptable. I didn’t intend for this to ever happen.”

Now you feel a bit…pissed off.

Like? Oh, he didn’t intend for this to happen? What? You mean he didn’t intend to let you fucking find out! Well, as good as he is at playing the part of a slutty man on the internet, he’s not so good at acting in real life, now is he? Saying your false fucking name at work, saying your real name with his cock out?

What in the fuck are you supposed to do about this? Why is he giving you the ability to report him? He’s the one with the power here. He could fire you now and bury the information if he so pleased. After all, He’s besties with COO Lee, right? That bitch in HR has an obsession with him too. Hell, everyone here loves the guy. 

You’re just a bottom of the barrel employee trying to work your way up. If you got him fired, surely he’d make damn sure you never work for a decent company like this one again. Additionally, you don’t even want to report him.

Yeah, it was fucking weird that he just knew it was you and kept going. Super strange that he had to have known after the first call, only to ask to see you in the second one. Why does that turn you on in the midst of this anxiety induced spiral? Why the fuck is the idea of Park Sunghoon apologizing for masturbating to and for you so alluring?! 

Sure, maybe it’s kind of nice knowing that someone of his status would ever find an interest in you, but it doesn’t quite wash the frustration away. You have every right to question, and every right to be pissed off about it. 

Still, in this quiet room, Sunghoon is stoic and all you can think about when you look at him is the way he said “if I were your boss i’d–” and the way he fucked his palm while saying it, implying he wanted it to be you while simultaneously knowing it was you watching. 

Since fucking when did Mr. Park ever show a sexual interest in you? And if he did, why the fuck couldn’t he have just been normal about it?

“That was really fucked up, you know that?” You argue immediately, voice shaking at the speed of which your emotions shift. Your resolve isn’t quite as clear as it probably should be. Perhaps you should report him, or maybe you already should have. But, it’s not like you accepted the truth until he demanded it of you.

You would have let it slide. Both of you could have pretended it never happened. You could’ve gone home and continued working, never paying a cam-boy again had Sunghoon not called you into this stupid, comfortable ass office. 

“In my defense, I was just doing my job. Though it’s my own fault for not telling you, my job here was at risk if you had found out.”

“You made me talk about you.” You roll your eyes at him now, gaining the power and control over the conversation. “And you thought I wouldn’t find out?! What? Did that get you off or something?”

“I–” Sunghoon stops himself from answering that question truthfully. He quickly tries to explain away the stutter instead. Never has he been scolded by an employee, but you’re well within your rights to do so. “I wasn’t in my right mind. I never get called by name during these sessions and I apologize for having you say it.”

“And you want me to report you?” You raise a brow at him. “Want me to just storm right into HR and tell her how you’re a fucking pervert? Want me to tell her how you told me to repeat your name? To thank you for it? Is that really what you want?” 

Are you enjoying yourself a little too much? Maybe.

Sunghoon doesn’t respond though, instead, he runs his hand through his hair and sighs from the stress welling up inside of him. He can only act calm and collected for so long, and it’s been eleven days already. He hates how hearing you say those words goes straight to his cock at a time like this, he hates even more how all of this could have been avoided if he had simply declined your second call. 

But you’re not wrong. He is a pervert, and he did tell you to thank him for the pleasure you were getting from his voice and half image alone. At the time, he was so turned on he really just couldn’t help himself. You fed his sexual appetite unknowingly and now this is the consequence of his action. Being a known pervert.

Is it what he wants though? To be reported? Humiliated?

Fuck.

Arguably, just having you humiliate him like this is enough. Drives him crazy, really. Whether it be from arousal or guilt, or both. 

And for the first time since you started working here, you see him for what he truly is. A strong man to an extent, but he’s crumbling under his own mistake and it makes you wonder just how far he would’ve taken it had you not found out. 

“And what if I didn’t realize who I was fucking myself for?” You glare. “Would you have asked for more? Avoided me here even more? Would you have declined my application for the assistant position because you can’t come to terms with the fact that you’re a fucking pervert?!”

Sunghoon raises his hands in defense. 

“Please–” His voice sounds panicked. “Please, keep your voice down.”

“Answer the question, then. Just fucking own it at this point.” You throw your arms up now, letting them fall back down in a slap to your thighs. “Would you have made my work-life miserable just so you could watch me get off to you? Knowing the whole time? Would you have kept on with that boss slash employee shit just so it felt more real for you?” 

Staring forward at him, you watch him accept that everything you’re saying is likely exactly what would have happened. Maybe he really will try to own it. Which would be… a good thing if you decide to let your own resolve falter.

So fucking secretive, huh? An actual, real life degenerate? And it’s Sunghoon of all people? 

“Maybe…” Sunghoon trails off, making himself seem much smaller than he usually is on a day-to-day basis. “I mean, No–I,”

Oh, he’s actually stuttering.

“And you want me to tell on you? You want me to fuck your life up?” You raise a brow. “As if I didn’t pay you to do it?”

In all honesty, aside from the anxiety and awkwardness, and despite never once thinking of Sunghoon too sexually, things have changed. Drastically. Especially after being confronted with this situation and he’s not intimidating you or using his power to control you. No, he’s giving you the power and quite frankly, you don’t know what to do with it. 

Are you basking in it? Absolutely. Is it nice to see him cower in front of you? In that big plush chair that costs more than your monthly income? Hell yeah.

But goddamn, had he approached you before all of this and asked for a date, or showed interest, you would have gladly partaken in a secret romance with him. He’s intelligent, attractive, clean, and has money. It’s not like you ever expected the guy to go home and fuck himself on camera. 

You never thought he was the type to be so lonely either. Or so desperate, judging by how he acted during those two sessions. Arguably, you always wondered why there was never a ring on those pristine fingers. 

And while you were definitely the victim in this situation, you feel more embarrassed than you do violated. Many nights you thought of how he spoke, how he said how badly he wanted you. It’s embarrassing because you’re starting to love the idea of who those words really came from. The Park Sunghoon, so untouchable in the business world. So untouchable by women and men solely because he appears to be too expensive, too pristine.

But you…

You’ve seen him dirty. 

Part of you wishes you didn’t pay to be humiliated like this. The rest of you wishes you didn’t fucking like it as much as you do.

“It’s only fair.” Sunghoon explains with a short breath. “I feel awful for what I’ve done, and I should have told you the moment I recognized her as, well–” He pauses with a pained face, as if he hates hearing himself say it. “You.”

“Then, why didn’t you?” You raise your brow again, nearly forgetting you’re at work, solely focused on the conversation at hand and feeling relieved at the way it’s going.

Sunghoon shifts in discomfort, looking away from you.

“Do you want honesty?” He asks in a quiet voice, leaning forward on his desk but refusing eye contact. He keeps his gaze lowered the entire time, his voice small and shaky. 

There’s still people in the office, though his door is closed and it’s unlikely he can be heard.

You nod to him with an even smaller “Go on then.”

“I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t you.” He says, shifting his hands and picking at his cuticles. 

Man, he really knows how to act sorry, doesn’t he?

“I avoided you after that first call, solely because I think I wanted her to be you. Which is…incredibly inappropriate.” 

He looks up at you now, searching for a reaction and only seeing you nod at him. His eyes shift right back down as he continues. 

“My avoiding you led you to– um– more services.” He explains quieter, admitting in full the situation he’s allowed to take place, seeming more and more insecure with his words than he ever has before. “I can admit that I have fantasies and needs.” 

Silence. 

“After that first call, I couldn’t help but be entirely attracted to you. The idea of–”

You suddenly find yourself thinking back to all of those things he said to you again, parading as if he wasn’t your boss, telling you what he'd do if he were. He seems to have accidentally found a sexual interest in the dynamic…and he fucking dragged you into it with him. 

“Mr. Par– Sunghoon.” You cut him off, actually feeling a bit of pity now at his admittance. 

His words make you feel like maybe he’s not entirely just a pervert who was intending to make you get off to him from the start. If anything, he probably felt uncomfortable at first knowing who was on the other end of the call. It’s the fact that his real life job was at risk if you found out, and still he indulged despite that. He accepted that second call, he asked for more, he acted like he really does want you.

 To the extent that losing his job was in the front of his mind and he still did it. He ignored the danger of it and prioritized getting off…with you. You find yourself wondering if this would have happened to any other employee under him if they happened to stumble across his stream too. 

Part of you wants to pretend he wouldn’t, because the idea that all of this is happening solely because it was you? It hits a little too hard, a little too deep. 

“Okay, okay. Stop,” You say, keeping your eyes on him and willing him to look up at you. “You don’t have to keep explaining, I get it.”

“No.” He does meet your eye this time, stopping your brain of all thoughts at how differently you see him now versus all the times before. “I do.” 

He’s so honest. Probably too honest for his own good. Maybe that’s why he’s so good at his job, maybe that’s why everyone loves him. Maybe a bit of lying would help him in this situation if it were anyone else, but for you? 

You kind of enjoy the way he’s telling the truth. Admitting that he was desperate, apologizing for wanting you even if just for a brief moment.

“I asked you to turn on your camera for selfish reasons. I asked you to say my name, then I made the mistake of exposing myself because I–” He hesitates, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply through his nose. “I struggled to pretend it wasn’t me, and that she wasn’t you. I very well knew what I was doing, and at the time, I wished that you did too.”

More silence as you stare at him, stunned, slightly in awe. 

“But I knew you wouldn’t have reciprocated. What I’ve done is criminal, and I am encouraging you to report me for it if that’s what you deem necessary.” 

“And if I don’t?” You don’t leave any more room for silence now, feeling desired and validated. 

You can’t pretend that you’re mad, though you were previously. You simply can’t pretend that, now at least, you wouldn’t reciprocate. If anything, you’re more interested now than you think you ever would have been before. 

“We can forget any of this ever happened. I’ll stop streaming and accepting private calls, and we can hopefully move forward without any ill-feelings of one another.” He blinks at you, near pleading with his eyes. “I’ll push your application through– That is, if you still want the position.” 

Sunghoon does wince at the bribe, considering he’s never done such a thing let alone commit acts of sexual harassment, or perhaps even non consensual foreplay with someone. It really really wasn’t entirely intentional, and he’s disgusted with himself. If you report him, he’d take the hit to his reputation and career, but if you don’t…what then?

Ill-feelings, he says? If anything, you might feel more ill parading around like you wouldn’t want him to do all of those things he said previously, with free-will to say as he pleased without the fear of you knowing who the words were coming from. 

“Can you please stop with the professional talk?” You hum out with an exhausted eye roll.  “I don’t want the promotion if you’re just offering it so I don’t rat you out.” You narrow your eyes now and lean yourself forward. “You hope to forget this ever happened? Really?” 

Carefully, the two of you watch each other for a while longer. Sunghoon looking like he’s about to catch himself on fire, and you, looking annoyed and amused. Still, the thick air in the room starts to feel suffocating under the pressure of the “issue” at hand as you scold him further. 

“What you did was predatory. But– I don’t want to ruin your life over this.” 

You watch as Sunghoon listens, his posture opening up a bit more as you speak, showing that he’s being relieved of his stress through your words alone. 

“Are you trying to hold a promotion over my head over this?”

Before he gets the chance to curl in on himself again, you answer for him. 

“Maybe.” 

You continue too, not letting him speak for the time being. Or, rather, giving him a chance to breathe. 

“Should you change your username and continue doing what you want behind closed doors because it’s no one else’s business?” You really watch him this time. “Yes.” 

He blinks at you, raising a brow in slight confusion. 

“Did you take advantage of me?”

He nods before you whisper out another “yes” yourself. 

“Would I let you do it again…?”

Oh, for Sunghoon, it’s hard to breathe right now as he anticipates what you’ll say. Is it going to be a ‘no’ this time? Are you going to stand up and change your mind? Despite just stating you don’t want to ruin his life?

God, hasn’t he already let you?

“Yes.”

Pause. 

“I’m sorry?” Sunghoon responds in disbelief, shifting his eyes to his hands and then back to you. “Come again?”

“Sunghoon.” You make it a point to call him by his name now, ignoring the etiquette of a proper boss and employee dynamic. “I am humiliated by all of this but I can see that you are too. You’ve admitted your guilt and even go as far as encouraging that I report you.” You pause again, knowing that this isn’t where the conversation should be going for any, uh, normal person, you suppose. 

“If you had just told me. If you had said anything about wanting to, like, fuck me, I would have done it with or without the promotion on the line.”

Does that make you sound a little desperate? Yeah. But it’s not like he doesn’t know how badly you need to be fucked. After all, you know, the cam sessions and stuff. You were literally paying a stranger to get you off. 

Shouldn’t he, of all people, know that you were bad-off enough to get laid?

Sunghoon’s issue though, is that he never looks at his employees sexually. No matter how pretty, no matter how much they flaunt themselves at him. He never has, and probably never will again. If it hadn’t been for that single first session with you, all would be well. But now? He’s too attracted to you. 

He wants you so badly.

“If you tell me right now that you want me, in the same way you did on that call–” You stop yourself to really look at him. With the way he swallows, the way his lips slightly part, the way his hands show signs of eleven days worth of nervous habit cuticle picking. “If you do all of those things you said you’d do ‘if you were my boss’...”

“Wait, wait–” Sunghoon stands in a rush, causing you to jump slightly at the sudden sound echoing off of the walls in the office. “Do you understand the consequences of what you’re implying right now?”

“If I fuck my boss, we could both be fired?” You smile, feeling the confidence raise within you. Watching the way he reacts to your lewd words face to face rather than through a microphone. 

“That would be…correct.” He raises a brow. 

“Well, technically, you’ve already been fucking me.” You look away from him, feeling a bit shy even with the confidence, but never having spoken to a man so bluntly before like this? It’s a bit scary. “Would it really make anything worse if, you know, I do reciprocate?”

Goddamn. Sunghoon might be a bit smitten. This situation could have gone a thousand different ways, and you offer the one that includes your legs spread across this fucking desk and his face buried between them?

Oh. Never has he been so willingly turned on at work. 

“Is this what you want?” He asks in a breath, shifting his eyes to the door and walking towards it, immediately reaching for the lock but not quite turning it. 

“Is that what you want?” You counter, turning and staring at the lock. 

Sunghoon hides his nod, wanting you to be the one to answer first. After all, hasn’t he been self-indulgent enough?

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He finally breaks and says it, blatantly, not sugar coated, yet still sweet when the words hit your ears. “After all this, you still want it?” 

You nod, dipping your head a bit against your shoulder. 

Click. 

“I guess I should have known.” Sunghoon plays with his words now, hand dropping from the now locked door and eyes entirely on you. “Do you want me to fuck you, or would you prefer–”

“You.” You smile, feeling your skin prickle at the electricity that enters the room through breath and words alone. It’s the way he already shifted. Like all of that anxiety melted out of him within an instant. 

“No, no.” He stalks towards you now, the nervous Sunghoon is no longer in sight as he makes himself seem bigger, taller, far more intimidating. Just like he was on camera. “The me you saw on screen is not the same as what you’re seeing right now.” He tries to explain. 

“Oh?” You tilt your head, and he only finds that cute. 

Far too cute. 

“You’d do as I ask, right?” His voice shifts to a raspy whisper as he centers himself in front of you, both hands reaching the arms of your chair as he hovers above you. “I’m far more tame online.” 

Tame?! That’s what he calls tame?! 

You stare up at him, keeping your jaw from falling slack as you physically see him shift from being your boss into being a man with a need. Not just any need either. A need for you.

Part of you wonders if he ever truly felt bad in the first place about all of this, because the shift from just moments ago is so dramatic it’s almost scary. 

“So, tell me.” He leans down, inches from your face as his eyes start to fall to a half-lidded stare at you. “You’ll do as I say? You’d let me do it all for you, and not ask me to stop until I feel it best, yes?”

You swallow and slowly nod. Oh god, it really, really, is him. 

“And while at work, you’ll behave?” He continues, lips now ghosting over yours to the point you can almost feel them press down. He’s implying that if you don’t tell, that this won’t be the only time too? Shit. He’s entirely aware of why this shouldn’t be happening, but still making it happen.

 “No matter what I do to you, where or how I do it, you’ll behave?”

You can’t help it when you lift your chin, just a bit to rest your lips against his words, eyes falling closed and hands hesitant to reach out for his perfectly ironed shirt. 

You feel his smile against your lips, with that sharp-toothed grin he rarely offers. 

“Ah, so it’s true.” He murmurs against you, his hand reaching for yours and guiding it for you, straight to his belt. “Dirty, dirty girl.”

A small, pleased, sound leaves your throat when he does kiss you, adding his own pleased hum alongside yours as his hands still hold yours in place over his belt, not quite letting you do anything just yet.

”Gonna be quiet–” He whispers into your mouth, just against your tongue before licking out and against it. “Even when I tell you to moan my name?”

You really shouldn’t be surprised, but you still are. You like this Sunghoon better than the one who stutters and picks his cuticles. He’s owning it, and in a way, so are you. 

 After all, it wasn’t until today that you truly learned what Sunghoon is like when he’s aroused. Not that you ever should have known in the first place. The fact that you do know, the fact that he’s showing you? It just makes this all the more arousing, in your opinion.

All he needed was a green light and within seconds it seems, Sunghoon became the need you’ve been chasing for months now through porn sites and erotic novels. 

You nod to his words, trying to drop your hand just a bit to feel what you’ve already seen. Just to feel how warm he is, how—

“Is that so?” Sunghoon whispers in an amused tone, guiding your hand right back to his belt, only to drop his other hand straight between your legs. “You’re supposed to do as I say. If I tell you to moan my name, you do it.”

Oh, the sexual confusion of what to do and which Sunghoon to obey. All you can do is continue to nod for him, hanging your head with a breath at the way he cups his hand over the entirety of your core. You wore pants today in order to hide your shame, to try and feel invisible based on previous circumstances. You’re not so happy about that now, as you try to feel his touch through the thick fabric only to shamelessly thrust your hips up and against his palm.

He moves his lips to the top of your head now, hovering over you in a perfect stance of power, hand gently rubbing up and and down despite your hips asking for a harsher touch. If anything, it makes him feel better knowing how you react to this. 

In actuality, his relief is sending his arousal through the roof. Not only are you not going to rat him out but…you want more of it? More of him, in particular? Not the facade of him online? 

At this point, if he gets caught, you’re both going down in flames. So, why not enjoy the ride?

Truly, it’s laughable in the way he’s just as amused as he is turned on, relishing in the fact that he wants you and you’re letting him have you despite his past actions. You’re messy too, he’s seen it, and now he gets to feel it. 

“Mhm,” Sunghoon hums against the top of your head, now pressing his own hips forward against your hand. “Feel that?”

The electricity? How hard he is? How needy you are?

”Yeah…” You sigh absentmindedly, bumping his chin with your head when you try to look up at him. You only blink twice before he coos out with a sad little sound. 

He doesn’t say a word after as he removes his hand and instead, grabs both of your hands and places them on his shirt. 

“Go on.” He smiles, waiting to see you to start fumbling against his buttons. 

And fumble, you do. Touching him, for some reason, feels so dangerous. Knowing you’re the one removing his shirt, watching his skin be revealed as it begins to fall open by your own doing? It’s electrifying. Enough to lose your train of thought as you study how toned and smooth his skin is. Just like how you had seen on camera, so clear in front of you now. You’re aching for him by this point, being able to feel his body heat, touch him, feel his eyes on you. 

If you had really known back then who it was you were talking to, you very well may have pretended to not know as well, judging by the way your entire body catches fire for him. 

And as his shirt falls completely open, he’s satisfied with the way you do it. Complacent and docile beneath him, nervous fingers shaking much like he did for the past eleven days. With those pretty eyes looking at him, like there’s nothing in your head at all. 

He chuckles at you, grabbing your hands again and placing them right on his chest, helping your hesitant touch to massage and caress each bump and toned muscle. He intentionally flexes the further down your hands go, all the way back to his belt. 

There, he looks down at where you touch, then back at you with a quirked brow. You stare  up at him, blinking, face feeling hot, and it’s like you move your hands on instinct. The sound of his buckle being unclasped echoes in the room, and his eyes only darken with the sound.

The sound of it slipping from the loops when he takes it upon himself to remove it completely for you, the sound of his breathing, the sound of that zipper, the button, the shuffling of his pants being skewed down just enough to fit your hand inside.

He moans at the image alone, loving the way your smaller hand looks slipping down his pants, the way your breathing is somehow even as if you’re trying to keep yourself calm. So calm, so pretty, but he knows how needy you are. He shouldn’t, but he does, and he uses it to his advantage. 

You’re the one who moans this time upon feeling that little twitch of his cock urging you to grab. And he helps you too, with the way he guides your hand under the front of his pants further, forcing your fingers to grab and grope the thick of his cock, uncomfortable and pressing between his briefs and undone zipper. 

“Still, you’re just looking.” Sunghoon comments, pressing his hips forward slowly and gently. “I’m right here.” He continues to explain the situation to you, as if you’re not experiencing it. “You need me to show you how to touch me too?”

You hesitate with a groan caught in your throat. You’re still processing the size difference that you feel now versus what you saw. Bigger. Thicker. Heavier than you would have expected against your palm. Honestly, you were so focused on the fact that Sunghoon’s cock is currently fucking forward against you that you almost forgot how to jerk a man off by yourself. 

His hand had been doing all the work for you, and you’re quick to take over. 

Sunghoon lends a very small gasp at the way you try to grasp, and instantly both of his arms shoot to the chair behind your head. He grips it, dropping his chin to the top of your head before thrusting a bit harsher into the grip you try to hold on him. 

“Harder.” He exhales, his cock twitching in your weak hold. “Grab me harder.”

You do, squeezing the bulge before intentionally adjusting it for him, allowing the head of his bulbous cock to peek from the top of his briefs. 

His relieved sigh is enough, you can’t help it. With his chin sat atop your head like this, you have no choice but to watch the way he moves his hips. Just like he did on camera. His abs flex with each movement, his arms grip behind you on the chair tighter, and you couldn’t pull your eyes away from his desperate body even if you wanted to. 

You thrust up too, as if your body craves what you’re already touching. And you do crave it, so much so that your clit aches against the denim you’re rubbing up against. Unfortunate that you wore these fucking jeans, honestly.

“Mr. Park–” You let out a small and frustrated cry, using your other hand to try and fail at unbuttoning your own pants. 

He hides his smile at the way you’ve reverted back to his professional title, but pays no mind to it because that’s what he wanted to hear in your voice that night. A desperate sound of his name, a plea, a cry. He can’t help but cling to it and bury that pretty voice into the darkest parts of his brain. A memory he’ll revisit time and time again after this. That sound, those pretty lips, this weak grasp you have. For the time being, it’s his. You belong to him right now. 

“Hm?” He hums out, fucking his hips forward while tilting his head back to look at you. “What is it, baby?”

Oh. You lost your train of thought. 

Thankfully, he seems to do the thinking for you as he shifts his eyes down and watches you try to both please him and remove your own pants. A cute sight to him, really. Someone who was just scolding him for wanting this, fumbling for more? 

So cute. 

He chuckles, pulling his hips back from your hand and grabbing it, unbothered by the loss of your touch. Instantly he intertwines his fingers with yours, and grasps your other hand from your pants to do the same. Both your arms raise by his guidance to the back of the chair before he releases them. 

You watch with a slack jaw and half-lidded eyes as he lowers himself, right onto his knees before he unbuttons your pants for you and very politely pulls them from your legs. 

“This what you want?” He smiles, lying his cheek right against your exposed thigh and taking a deep inhale. It’s taking everything in him not to fawn over the woman who had him in his thoughts for the past however long, truly. 

Then again, he’s weak. He doesn’t even look up at you through his words and, instead, nuzzles his nose right up and against the seat of your panties before inhaling with a pleasant hum. “To have me finally touching this pretty pussy for you?” 

God damn, if you didn’t already know it was him on that camera, you do now. He speaks the same type of words, with the same confidence, the same sultry tone…

You can barely comprehend the way he slowly takes his own pants off because you’re too focused on the way he runs his lips across your skin with dirty thoughts spilling from them. Fingers tucked under either side of your panties in preparation before he eventually pulls them off of you. 

“Did you wear those pants to hide yourself from me?” He comments now with an amused tone. “Knowing you wanted me to take them off of you anyway?”

You shake your head at him, holding your breath. You did wear them to hide, but you never would have expected this situation to go in a direction involving his mouth anywhere near where you need it. Sure, you assumed he would have rejected you, you assumed that if it was him– he’d have been so disgusted with himself that he’d only gag at your presence. 

But no. You were bold in your words, and he seems to feed into that. 

“No?” He furrows his brows and lifts his head. Now lowering your panties much like he did for your pants. He’s quick with his next action, seemingly hiding his own desperation through playful comments at you. “Why not?” He adds, instantly pressing his thumb against your clit and fucking shining his eyes up at you with a semi-pouted mouth. 

You roll your eyes back at the sudden pressure, relaxing your shoulders and slouching down in the chair. Your legs spread further on instinct, granting him a full view of your sticky cunt parting open for him.

His eyes glance down, peering into the heat you offered once before ever knowing it was him looking. Clicking his tongue, he can’t help but bite his lower lip to hold himself back. He hopes you don’t notice the way his hand finds its way to his own cock, he really, really hopes you don’t see him act so pathetic over this. 

But you do. The moment your eyes roll back into place and get a look at him. One of his shoulders is moving, but the action is hidden by not only the chair, but his fucking face. He’s got his lips parted and he’s licking his lower lip. Slicking it up with his own saliva before–

“So quiet,” He hums with glistening lips, lending himself a light hold with his cock and pretending it’s you doing it for him. “You have nothing to say for yourself?” He adds now, inhaling once more the scent of your slick dripping for him as he leans in just a bit more.

“Oh–!” You yelp slightly at the feeling of his teeth digging into the flesh just to the side of your core. He bites down harder and harder, licking the flesh between his teeth before sucking hard against it. The sweat and scent of your full-day at work does nothing to calm his raging cock. He loves it and it only grows his appetite for you. Licking, sucking, nibbling at the skin until he’s sure he’ll leave a nice, painful swell to rub against your panties later. Only then does he release your skin from his still-tasting mouth. 

The relief when he releases your thigh is short lived because he offers not even a full two seconds before you feel his mouth circle your clit. Like he can’t help himself, like he can’t tease you right now even if he wanted to. 

 A flick of his tongue sends a shiver down your spine straight to your toes and you can’t stop your legs from immediately wrapping around his head. You hear his muffled “mmf” when you do that, but he keeps you from apologizing for it because his free hand goes straight under your ass and scoots you even closer to his tongue. 

And if you didn’t already think Sunghoon knew how to use that mouth for more than just being a professional business man, you do now. With the way that same tongue that used to taste the morning coffee you’d bring him now tastes you. Deeply. 

He licks, flicks, and sucks every fold. Slurping up any dripping heat that slips out of you before pressing his tongue in and nuzzling his nose against your clit. He’s not quiet about it either. He moans with each lick, hums every time your legs squeeze around his neck, slurps and loudly sucks. 

It’s pornographic, it’s sexy, it’s–

Suddenly, you feel a sharp jolt shoot through you, having not even noticed his hand moving from your ass to your front, moving straight up under your shirt. His fingers immediately find your nipple and pinches hard. So hard that your previous moan only becomes prolonged. Grows louder, breathier. 

He pinches and massages your nipple with the intent to keep you loud for him. Office setting or not, he could give less of a shit about that right now. He ignores the strain on his wrist from your bra, he uses his other hand to grip himself harder, and you can’t help but squeeze him tighter between your thighs until you’re, quite literally, shaking.

Your hips are sliding against his face with each jolt of pleasure, practically riding him, and his cock is now entirely neglected because you can’t help but want more. You need more. And he gives it, by now releasing himself and keeping both hands on you. One holding the outside of your thigh, almost pushing you to squeeze tighter, the other incessantly abusing your nipple. 

He chokes out a moan through his messy movements, never quite knowing where to put his hands solely because he wants to touch all of you. His cock is just fine being neglected, he thinks, as he realizes just how much pleasure he gets from feeling you wrap yourself around him like this. 

It feels better than jerking himself off. 

“Mr. P–” You sigh out, still not quite used to actually calling him his name, but the sound of it reminds you time and time again how wrong this situation is supposed to be. 

You’re sitting on this soft chair, pussy being spread apart by a tongue none other than the man who signs your paychecks. And just this morning you were terrified of him ever even getting a glimpse of you without pants on? God, how stupid could you be? You should’ve been chasing this man’s touch since the day you looked at him for the first time. 

“Fuck–” You moan out for him, brain spitting thoughts at you as each second passes. The danger of this, the fact that he genuinely got off to you before you knew it was him. The secrecy of his perverted thoughts and actions…it’s all so… “So, you’re so – hot.”

You feel him laugh, kissing the pulsing hole of your pussy when he pulls his tongue back to swallow. And for just a few moments, he turns his head, gripping your thigh with his teeth once again before speaking back to you, muffled by the hot skin. 

“Yeah?” He laughs, now pulling his hand from your bra and lifting to your chin, pointing your gaze down at him, forcing you to see the way your thighs nearly suffocate him against your pussy. “Then keep your eyes on me.”

And you do, especially when he uses both of his hands now, nudging them between your legs and forcing them from his shoulders. He rests your legs on the arms of the chair instead and flicks his eyes up at you. 

“You watching?” He makes this a point, blowing a small breath of air straight at your clit before receiving a dazed and slow nod from you. “Keep your legs open too.”

That’s the last thing he says before his mouth is full again, sucking your folds between his teeth before tucking his tongue right back into your hole. He tastes for just a few moments before you feel those same lips on your clit. He lets it throb in his open mouth as he listens carefully to your little sounds, especially now that he’s sliding his fingers into you. 

You gasp, holding your breath at the feeling. His fingers slide in, reaching deep before he scissors them open. And all you feel from it is pleasure. You can’t help that your eyes roll back again, but you do try to keep your gaze fixed on his. With his eyes so rounded, blinking up at you with his strong jaw moving with each swallow of his own muffled moans. 

He sucks your clit, fucks your cunt open, and relishes in the way he will soon get to splay you across his desk and really let you have it. 

And he does this for a few minutes, though in your head it goes by so fast that you nearly get whiplash from the way he pulls back with a wet sound and grins at you.

“Aw, baby–” He coos at the face you make, seemingly disappointed to lose all stimulation at once, but he’s quick to lift to his feet and lean back over you. 

Oh, his cock. It’s right there. 

Oh.

His face– 

“You’re so fucking wet right now.” He murmurs against the corner of your mouth with a raspy whisper, easily and without warning slipping two of his fingers right back into the heat that he just denied himself of licking more. “You hear that?” He continues with a sharp toothed bite to your lip. “How wet you are?”

You groan at the way he slams his fingers in, out, in, out, in…He keeps them there, pressed so far into you that you can physically feel the way your pussy tries to push him out again.

“Could slip it in right now–” He moans out at how tight you clench just his fingers. “Fuck, could be so deep in you.”

Your face feels hot as a bashful feeling overtakes you. His voice hits so much harder when you feel his breath along with it. His fingers, his cock right up against you. You want him to slip it in. To stuff his cock in you so fast, no room to adjust, not a second to even catch your breath. 

God, you need it right now. It’s been too long since you’ve felt a real person touch you, you can’t help that you feel so desperate. The clench isn’t on purpose, your body tells him all he needs to know, all while he tells you all you could only wish to hear fall from someone’s lips.

And not just anyone. His lips. 

You shoot your arms around his neck and it's not really intentional but– an actual kiss. You need it. 

He seems pleased by it though, with the way his tongue immediately asks for more. One hand moves to brace your cheek, the other still fucking into you so good that you can’t keep a single moan down. He takes full control of the initiated kiss solely because you kissed him first. Almost hungrily, he licks into your mouth with his own muffled groan, encouraging you to keep being pretty like this. Just so you can see what he’ll do to you. 

And, damn. He guides your body like a puppet, stiffening his shoulders when he licks into your mouth and threatening to pull away by raising  himself up just a bit. He knew you’d chase the kiss, and you do. You lift with him, your ass lifting from the chair just to keep his tongue against yours, and he takes the elevated position and angles his hand just a bit. There, his fingers fuck into you harder, faster, so much fucking deeper until– you feel his fingers stop at a painfully deep spot inside of you. 

He pulls back from the kiss, looking down between your bodies, and your eyes follow his gaze. Right there, he’s placed his knee up against his own wrist, forcing his fingers to remain deep and unmoving in you. 

You take in a sharp inhale, seeing the way he lets your body fall back to the seat of the chair, only forcing him to skew his fingers and– “Oh, god!”

You moan out so suddenly that it even shocks him for a moment, but he takes your weakness and uses it to his advantage. Quickly, he licks into your moaning mouth, tickling his fingers upwards, pulling even more animalistic sounds from you. 

“Yeah?” He whispers frantically, so turned on by the way your entire body stiffens. “Right there?” He continues, leaning his full body weight forward with his knee, wincing at the way he presses his cock against anything he can find in the process, just to get you off right here, right now. 

You nod just as frantically, toes curling, arms shooting to the chair in a form that should appear as discomfort, but really you’re just bracing yourself through the tensing of your muscles before all of them relax and pulse at once. 

Your ears pop, but you can still hear your desperate cries of his name somewhere distant. You can even hear him, humming and encouraging your orgasm. You wish you could hold your eyes open to see him, to grab him and force him to fuck his fingers hard into you. God, you could take it right now. You could take just about anything to heighten this feeling of stars bursting behind your eyelids. 

Somehow though, it’s like he knows. Half-way through your orgasm, you feel the weight between your legs shift and his fingers start moving again. Still, your eyes are squeezed shut, and you can't help but to lunge forward and hug against his neck, clinging to him through the prolonged orgasm that his fingers alone have brought to you. 

“Squeezing me so tight–” Sunghoon groans, unsure of if he’s referring to the way your needy cunt crowds his fingers, or the way you cling to him like a lost pet, begging for him to never leave your sight. “Fuck, you’re so pretty like this.”

You hear those words over any of his others. So clear in your head as you snap your head up and look at him. You see him lower his gaze, but your grip doesn’t quite allow him to actually look down at you. Not when he has to physically hold you up anyway. Still, he looks amused up there, knowing that single compliment must’ve hit somewhere inside of you.

You’re not sure why, through all this, Sunghoon calling you pretty makes it so much more intimate. And even as your legs continue to shake, and you release your death grip hug on him, he keeps himself crowded up to you. He’s somehow out of breath just like you are, relishing in the calm silence of your post orgasm as he…Jesus.

It’s not just your imagination. Somehow, it is intimate. It’s the way he pulls his fingers out and both hands shoot to your face. First, he kisses you as if you’re a long lost love. Deeply, slowly. Then, he’s putting one hand at the small of your back, nudging his knee right back between your legs, and pulling you right up against him. 

“Who did you cum for?” Sunghoon asks, pulling back just to lick against your lips and stare directly down at you. “Say my name.”

You don’t hesitate, echoing out with a winced expression, still so out of breath while rubbing your clit to the expanse of his thigh. 

“Su-Sunghoo-Sunghoon-” 

“Yeah?” He encourages you, hearing his name heat his ears up. He moves his pussy-slicked fingers to your mouth while you cry his name, and easily presses your tongue down with them, sliding the digits further and further down your throat. “Sunghoon.” He says his own name. “Say it again.”

You gag around his fingers, unable to obey his demand. 

“Sung–” He inspects the way your tongue struggles against the intrusion in your mouth. “Hoon.” 

You swallow around them now, sputtering, tears now running down the outer apples of your cheeks. He watches you do it too, wondering how good that would feel if it were his cock you’re swallowing around. Knowing you’d probably do it for him if he wanted to right now. 

But…he needs more than that. Despite how delicious you look while gagging, his cock has been neglected and he needs to fuck out the stress from the past however long you’ve been avoiding him. It’s like his brain breaks with the action as he watches you take his fingers in whatever way he offers. You let him do whatever he wants. You’re obeying. 

“Up.” He suddenly says, pulling all physical contact with you away as he turns, steps out of the pants restricting his ankles, and swipes every pen, file, and picture frame off his desk. “Come here, baby.”

You feel like you’re melted to this chair right now, in all honesty. You’re still trying to catch your breath just from touching his cock before he decided to make you see fucking stars, to think you can stand right now is insane.

So, when you don’t immediately hop up and throw yourself onto his desk, he turns to look at you. 

You’re splayed out, legs still spread, toes still curled. Your chest is heaving to breathe, eyes wild and lips so fucking kissable. 

“Oh, fuck.” He sighs to himself in realization, relishing in the image of you he’s only recently been craving. “Look at you.”

You lift your arm to hide your face, feeling apologetic for the way you’ve lost the ability to exist as an active participant right now. Even more apologetic when you glance down at how fucking hard his cock is. Raging hard, so pretty with the tip sputtering precum for god knows how long. 

He watches you stare, and lends you a few moments to catch your breath by gripping it himself. Leaning himself against his desk and twisting his wrist with a tight grip at the base. 

“Is this how you looked at me when I did this before?” He asks, flicking his wrist still with each drag. “So out of it, you look like such a mess, babe.”

You find yourself humming a confirmation to him as you watch, almost reverting back to who you were during that first session. Unseen, only heard, all while you got to see him pleasure himself to almost nothing. You gave him nothing. 

You’ve still only given him nothing. 

And so, very slowly, you force yourself to stand on shaking legs to take those two strides to his desk. Something inside of you tingles when he drops his cock and opens his arms for you, like a good boss would do in this situation. Supporting your unbalanced weight, letting you walk into his comforting grasp. 

“Said my name so pretty, you know.” He comments gently when he holds you close to him. Hands reaching down from the grip around your waist just to grab both of your fleshy ass checks and squeeze them. “You want more, yes?”

He’s quick to the point, only allowing the short and sweet moments to last just enough for them to stick in your head. Just enough to have questions about his actions. Just enough to give him anything, everything, he could want if it involves your body.

You nod almost shyly, dipping your head down and leaning against his chest. 

“Let's get this off of you then.” He smiles with a gentle voice, reaching to the hem of your shirt and pulling it straight up, watching how you lift your arms to help him. “Mhm–” He hums again, loving how the bra drags off of you along with the shirt. He lets both of his hands brush your nipples before he goes back to gripping your ass cheeks and spreading them. 

Spreading them so wide that, once again, you have to lift on your toes just to let him play with your body. Which, oh man. Always wearing his button down shirts, his blazers, his long-sleeve shirts. You can’t help it when you tug at the opened fabric of his shirt, asking silently that he shake it off. Wanting to see his arms, wanting to see the strength in them.

And he does it without hesitation, letting his hands fall from you just for a moment to shake his shirt off, only now hugging against you again and forcing a position change. He turns both of you so now you’re up against his desk, and he’s standing in front of you.

It’s easy for him to push you back in a kiss. Your legs open for him on instinct anyway, so he need not worry about prying those legs open again. You do just as expected when he pushes you too. Your ass hits the desk and you lift on your toes to sit on it. Your legs spread wider, making room for him to step even closer, cock right up against you when he closes any amount of distance, and still? He’s kissing you. 

All across your face, down your neck, back to your lips. And his hands just keep feeling. Massaging your tits, lending small taps to your ass, holding your chin, jaw, neck, and then…he runs them through your hair. 

The feeling is so good you almost forget how you’ve been trying to steal a glimpse of his flexing arms as he grabs at you. Goosebumps prickle and you let out a groan at the pleasure of it. He keeps one hand there now, smiling against his kiss to your ear. 

“You like being pampered?” He asks, now gripping a fist full of your hair and skewing your neck to the side. “Like being moved around like a puppet?”

Never once have you thought about your sex life that way, but when you think about it…maybe. After all, you did enjoy being told when and how to touch yourself, being allowed or forbidden from cumming. Now, with him quite literally moving you around with just a simple grip of your hair? Yeah. 

“By you–” You mutter out as you open your eyes, staring at the ceiling and feeling his tongue lap against your earlobe. 

“Just me?” He leans back, using that same grip in your hair to force you to look at him. “You’d give me that power?”

You nod against the grasp, lips falling open in a moan despite not being pleasured by anything aside from the stinging against your scalp as he pulls little hairs a bit too tightly. 

“You know–” Sunghoon starts now, pressing his hips forward, dropping his other hand to his cock and slapping it right against your weeping cunt. “If I had known you were this dirty...”He sighs out at the image in his head, thinking back to all those times he silently complimented you in his head. Back then, never would he have made comments about your legs out loud, or how your tits would look in certain shirts. Thinking back now, he’s always found you quite beautiful.

Quite fuckable, even. 

You listen to the silence waiting for him to continue, feeling the way he presses the hardened head of his length against your clit repeatedly. 

“I would have propped you up on this desk months ago,” He smiles now, leaning in real close to your ear as his grip in your hair loosens just a bit. “Could’ve had you moaning my name this whole time.”

Then, you feel it. The way he adjusts his weeping cock lower, prodding at your hole just a bit until his tip is entirely enveloped by your clenching walls. 

You swallow a moan and hold your breath, legs shooting around his waist and instinctively trying to force his hips to move forward, trying to force him to penetrate you deeper.

“Shh,” He coos out, holding his hips firm and not letting you control his movements. Then, he kisses just under your ear before peppering them all the way back to your lips. He doesn’t kiss you though, no, he chuckles at you for trying. Watching you let your tongue fall from your mouth, inspecting the way you’re entirely in tune for him right now. “You really want it, don’t you?” He whispers just above your lips. “Want me to fuck you right here, right now?”

You nod absentmindedly, legs still trying to force him to move, arms clinging under his biceps, head still forced into whatever position he keeps it in by the hair. 

“Please–Sunghoon.” You cry in a small voice, feeling as if you’re going insane by the feeling of his tip sitting comfortably in you. 

“You’re so cute.” He smiles, lending you another inch of his length before letting his hand fall from your hair. There, he grips your waist instead, letting a strained grunt fall from his own lips this time. He’s really trying to remain collected about this, and he’s unsure himself why he’s enjoying the act of teasing you like this. He feels like he’s teasing himself more than you right now, seeing as how it’s taking everything in him not to stuff his cock into you hard and fast. “So–so, fucking cute.”

You clench around the few inches in you and it appears that’s all he needed to break entirely. Is he controlling you, or are you controlling him? 

Honestly, who gives a fuck?

You feel his arms shake when he plants them at either side of you, pointing his cock straight into you and sliding in fully. There’s a groan from him that you want to hear so badly, but your own heart beat is thumping in your ears so loudly that you miss half of it. 

The stretch is delicious, and the fact that it’s Sunghoon doing this to you makes this all the more enjoyable. The man who you’ve seen day after day, now holding himself up on the desk you’ve signed papers on with and for him? All so he can angle his hips and shove his cock in? Just to let his arms frantically wrap around your waist? Just so he can scoot you forward on this desk, using your leaking slick to slide you back and forth in time with his hips? 

That groan you wanted to hear? He hasn’t stopped. He’s essentially, controlling the entire situation and when you half open your eyes to witness his face, you’re forced to roll your eyes back in a moan matching his. 

He’s fucking you so deeply right now that all you can do is moan, all you can do is forget the embarrassment, the victimization, the way he’s doing this to you despite the risk of reality crumbling. He could lose his job, you could lose yours, and yet still– he’s fucking you like he doesn’t care.

So, you choose not to care either in the form of grabbing his hair, forcing his head back, and attaching your lips right against his adams apple. You feel him swallow and breathe out a shocked sound, and then? You suck.

Intentionally, you suck, bite, and lick, harder and harder until there’s a deep purple mark there. He doesn’t even fight it, though you feel him try to move his head just to keep you from going too insane with it. You don’t care though, because still you feel his cock splitting you open, forcing you to adjust to him. 

“Ah,” Sunghoon lets out another breath with that familiar chuckle, “Marking me now?” 

You hum a confirmation as you move to a new spot on his neck, absolutely fucking marking him. Feeling devastated by the idea that he’d do this with any other employee. Or any other person in general. 

“Making me all yours, huh?” He continues with his cocky words, feeling the way your pussy clenches him tightly, dripping all over his desk. He’d let you make him yours, with or without the bruising from your mouth. 

“Mhm.” You hum pleasantly, letting out little yelps each time he slams into you. Letting out full moans each time his arms wrap around your waist tighter. 

You continue with the act, littering his pretty neck with your touch and loving how he just lets you. Knowing that he’ll show up at work tomorrow looking a bit tired, but glowing nonetheless, trying to hide all these marks with that tight-necked collar he likes to wear. 

“Whatever you want.” He breathes, letting his hips lose rhythm for just a moment as he feels his muscles tighten. “Fuck, you’re still so tight.” 

You feel like you’re on top of the world as he compliments you, to the point you’re not sure when you’ll cum because your whole body has seemingly been feeling euphoria anyway. Everything feels good, even if his cock reaches deep enough to cause little jolts of pain. The sound of the desk scooting back through the force of his hips is enough to make you take it. Enough to squeeze your legs around him tighter, enough to clench, enough to– forget what you’re doing and let yourself fall into it with him.

Your head falls back from his neck and you pant out little half-calls of his name with each thrust. Your legs loosen from around him too, but his grip on your waist only pushes you back on his desk. Until he’s leaning forward so hard with each thrust that suddenly your back meets the cold wood.

Sandwiched between him and his desk, he follows the action, his hands quickly moving from your waist to your tits, pushing them together just so he can nuzzle his face between them.

There, you look at him. You really look at him. 

What a messy, messy, man. Always so pristine during working hours, now looking so wrecked and out of it as he chases a pleasure that you hope only you can give to him. 

“Mr. Park–” You sigh out in a pleasant voice, watching the way he sucks your tit into his mouth before his eyes open wide just so he can look up at you through each thrust. “Harder.”

You can physically see the way his eyes darken when he pops off from your tit, hands now going back to the desk as he hovers over you and intentionally rolls his hips. 

You feel his cock loosen you up painfully before he intentionally fucks into you. Dragging all the way out, just to push forward in a deep and painful thrust. Over and over again, all while he’s staring straight into your eyes.

As you look up at him, you see the intent in his face. The way he wants to give you exactly what you want. Sweat shining from his cheeks, his neck littered with pretty colors. Oh, he’s actually heavenly when he fucks. 

Better than what you thought that guy on camera would have been. He’s not nonchalant like he was when he was performing. He’s entirely in tune with you and what you want. Like what you want is what he wants. 

You can tell he’s paying no mind to his own face or expression, blatantly putting all of his thoughts into how he’s pleasuring you, his eyes searching your face to tell him he’s doing well. To tell him you feel good, to tell him you’re close or–

“Fuck–” He sighs out, teeth tracing his bottom lip as he glances up, keeping pace with the way he’s been plunging into you. “I can’t keep looking at you,”

You smile, feeling dazed and far away. It feels like it’s just you and him. You’re not in his office, on a desk, or doing anything you shouldn’t be doing. 

“You hear me?” He drops his body weight on you again, letting his hips move freely as he chases and chases. “I’m so close.”

Oh. 

“Then look at me.” You huff out, now shooting a hand between his flexed abs and simply…touching your clit once.

 “Oh–shit.” 

It hits you so fast. Just a simple touch causes your pussy to clench Sunghoon so tightly that he mimics your sound. 

“Ah, fuck- fuck,” His voice sounds frantic as he tries to pull out, only to feel your legs shoot back around him. This time, he lets you force him to stay. He lets those legs of yours push him back in, so deep that he knows he can’t fight. “No, no–” He chokes out, uncaring if his hips show you that he’s lying with his words. “I’m cumming– I need to–”

“Stay!” You shake beneath him but your voice sounds pleading, pressing once more to your clit before letting it go. You clench him again, essentially letting your body finish him off. Letting those clenches squeeze him so tightly, making sure he couldn’t fathom ever wasting his cum. “Don’t pull out.”

He doesn’t. In fact, he presses impossibly deeper, trying to bury his cock into you to the point it even pains him. Arms shaking as he tries to hold himself up again, only to drop his lips to yours under his own weight. His hips are so tense between your legs, his cock is so stiff that you can feel each pumped release, and still you’re experiencing your own euphoria through it. 

To the point your toes are curling and you barely notice the way you leave welts across his back from your fingernails through the intense orgasm. To the point his slack lips against yours feel more natural than anything else. Not kissing, just close. So close that–

He kisses you. 

After it’s all said and done, he still kisses you breathlessly. Passionately almost, clinging to you as his cock twitches as it grows flaccid inside of you.

He doesn’t pull out, he just…kisses.

And as you lay against his wooden desk, body coming down from the pleasure you’ve felt more than once within the past hour, all you can do is let your brain think on its own. Without shame, without embarrassment or anxiety. 

You thought Sunghoon would have been in control the whole time. Teasing you, maybe even making this experience more painful than it needs to be. But no, he…

He’s soft. Gentle, almost. 

Only now do you recognize that as badly as he probably wants to appear harsh, like the confident man he is on camera, you think he needs something else. Not just power, not just money or control. Not even just fucking. 

You think…maybe, Sunghoon needs connection. 

Intimacy. 

And that’s proven when he does finally stand on his own buckled knees, pulling you up with him into a hug where he still kisses you. Up until he takes that shirt you unbuttoned and holds it between your legs, scratching the back of his neck with a shy glance at you. 

“Sorry for the mess.” He echoes in a meek voice, holding that shirt firm against you. “Guess I just couldn’t help myself.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Days later, you find yourself in his bed. Which should have been expected probably. Still doesn’t change the fact that every few hours, you remind yourself the reality of the situation.

It’s not just any bed you’re in. It’s Sunghoon’s bed. 

“Oh, right. The promotion.” Sunghoon suddenly calls out mid-episode. 

You’ve been here with him all day. To the point neither of you bother to put on clothes now because you know the spark will come back at any given time and you’ll be all over each other again. Still, lazing in his bed with him on a Saturday afternoon is nice. 

“I’ve been a bit occupied but– the interviews for the assistant position has been pushed back a bit due to you not coming to work.  I was supposed to notify you when you got back, but you know, we had priorities–” 

Sunghoon sighs, embarrassed. It’s nice actually, seeing him in his natural element. Allowing you to see him as more than just the guy that wears a suit and tie every day at work. 

“Unrelated to us…doing this, but, you’re up for the interview. Just need to schedule it with me. If you still want to be my assistant, I mean.”

“Oh, I can only imagine what that could entail.”

Sunghoon seems offended by this remark as he pulls back with furrowed brows.

“Excuse me?”

“Did you fuck the last one too?” You give him a playful smile, prodding at his soft-skinned chest.

“Absolutely not?!” 

“You’re still gonna fuck me too though, right? Even if I’m constantly having to nag you for signatures and meetings?” 

Sunghoon stares at you before smiling. 

“Well, let's see if you get the job anyway. Rhonda from Marketing is applying too.”

You lend a half-joke gag at him. 

“Is it too forward to ask for special attention for the position along with a sexual favor?” You tread the thin line. “I’m half joking but wouldn’t it be like…normal for us to be seen around each other at work if I’m working a job that requires it?”

Sunghoon thinks hard.

“You’re really asking to fuck your way up the ladder?”

“Aren’t you the one who offered it so I wouldn’t tell your dirty little secret?” You narrow your eyes at him. “But no, I’m asking for the job I’ve been trying to earn for ages. Besides, I’d still fuck you anyway.”

“Fair.” Sunghoon thinks harder still. “Rhonda would probably find out too, if she were to get the position anyway, considering my assistants are often intertwined in my personal business as well.”

“Oh, I’m personal business now?”

“Babe, my hand has been on your tit for an hour now.” 

Well, he’s not wrong.

“Rhonda is really close with HR too…” You trail off, feeling a bit anxious. “I think she’d hold it over both of us if she found out.” 

“In all fairness, you’ve been considered for the job more than a few times the past few months. Rhonda only applied during your two week avoidance of me. The reason she’s even up for the position is because my boss thinks you’re too flaky.” 

Oh, so you have a chance with or without putting his dick in your mouth again?

“Who else has applied?”

“Confidential.” Sunghoon shrugs. “I still have to follow company rules even if we’re breaking a few of them right now. What I can tell you is, over fifteen other candidates have already been phased out by me personally.” 

You pause.

“Why?”

“Bad matches, mostly. Two of them have been caught talking shit about me through the company emails, and the others? Many outside applicants, all freshman college students with strict schedules.”

“Being my assistant is not an easy job, and even before all of this, you’ve practically been doing the job already, better than the current assistant I have.”

You damn fucking right you have.

“How many are still in the running?”

“Two.”

Oh, this job is soooooo yours. 

“Just, one more thing.” Sunghoon sighs. “If you get this job, we cannot be fucking in my office. No sexual stuff at work. We can take lunch together, or I’ll bring you home after work, but absolutely nothing at work.”

Oh, he thinks you want him that badly? 

“Who says I need to fuck you during work hours anyway? I know how to control myself.”

“It’s not you who I’m worried about.” Sunghoon looks away, biting the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah?” You smile. “You gonna be calling me into your office just to torture yourself?”

“Oh, absolutely.” 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

pls remember to leave feedback and reblog! :D love you!

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

what did jk Rowling say that was transphobic

Hey anon! Wow that is-- a big question. She's said so much it's hard to really pinpoint which ones are the most helpful reads/watches for you. First and foremost, a lot of her earlier comments/likes on Trans people were considered as "Middle Aged Moments" for liking tweets that were very transphobic, when time and evidence has proven otherwise. Here's an article by Pink News, a leader in LGBTQ+ news regarding that:

Then there was the "supporting Maya" incident that happened back when where Maya basically stated that Trans women were not women, and JKR supported her in that.

FYI: "Maya" was not forced out of her job, her contract just wasn’t renewed. Then there was this:

And then the really famous essay she wrote:

If you don't want to read the essay, or have read it and need some help understanding the transphobia of it, these were always recommended to me as good watches and I agree: This is a very long video but I HIGHLY recommend watching the whole thing because these folks do a great job of breaking things down in a very academic way.

From the same folks is another video:

She then wrote a book under a different name in order to avoid transphobic accusations (The Ink Black Heart) which she used the pen name Robert Galbraith. For more info on that feel free to visit this NPR article (also listed below). Some other helpful links from major sites with lots of info:

https://www.npr.org/2022/08/31/1120299781/jk-rowling-new-book-the-ink-black-heart

https://www.vox.com/culture/23622610/jk-rowling-transphobic-statements-timeline-history-controversy

Add to that, she's broken ties and talked badly about Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint because they are supporters of trans people. This article by the Guardian has GREAT links to her individual tweets with supporting evidence. This year especially, as well, she decided to double down a bit: Here's some information regarding her Holocaust Denialism around Trans People from earlier this year:

Honestly I could go on and on, she's been very unkind to trans people, non binary people, and anyone who supports them. I realize that's a lot anon, but hopefully that gives you plenty of resources to check into regarding your question! I'm by far not an expert on the subject, and several of these resources came from friends who are more well versed on the subject. But I hope that gets you started! Have a lovely day and thanks for the ask! And as a side note to all my Trans Siblings out there, love you dearies, here to support you however. Trans Men are Men, Trans Women are Women, and Non-Binary people are valid. You're wonderful and valid, and I love ya.

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Pizzicato

Chapter Nineteen

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela, Dean/Cas (unrequited)

Other characters: Miriam Talbot (OFC Bela's mother)

Word Count: 2567

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, putting out other people's fires, and old baggage, unbeta'd

A/N: Castiel and Trouble's friendship is something I didn't realize she had been missing until he was in front of her. There are a couple of big truth bombs in this chapter and I hope I handled them respectfully. This is an AU and it is not indicative of this author's feelings on canon or any other fandom shipping practices.

Series Masterlist

Posting on Dean’s instagram account was par for the course as the band’s publicist. You bothered to know what a hashtag was, for one. For another it also allowed you to check traffic on posts and actively moderate things to help the comment section look best for Dean’s image. Afterall, Dean trusted you, you weren’t going to leak anything or make him look like an idiot.

You were a goddamn professional and this wasn’t the hardest thing you’d done in the last year, but Jesus fuck were you pissed.

Dean hated tattoos. Really, he hated needles. He was black out drunk when he and Sam got their matching flaming pentagrams. He actually had a panic attack the next morning after realizing he let someone “sew ink” into his skin. By sheer force of will and through the bond of shared grief, you got him to go with you for Jo’s memorial tattoo on the tenth anniversary of her death. It was in your all-time top five ultimate Dean-Y/N memories.

And now it meant jack shit.

You edited and cropped the photos, sent two back to Bela to post on her account and then posted the lion’s share onto Dean’s, making him look like the diligent boyfriend while Bela was busy in the chair. You thanked Billie for taking care of “his girl” and made sure the shop was the location and tagged. You wanted to punch something, it looked so good. Then you sat back and let the interwebs do its job.

Okay, in actuality, you emailed about twenty different people, had a conference call with the tour management marketing team, scheduled radio station drop ins and followed up with Meg on the expected release of Dean’s photoshoot and interview. These days it may just end up online, but you hoped she was able to score him real physical print space.

It was just as you were winding down for the night, when your phone rang. It was past any reasonable business hours and you were already done with your skin care routine, but then you saw the caller id.

“Miriam! Hi!” You tried to sound pleasantly surprised.

“Don’t Miriam me, young lady. What is going on out there? Is it drugs? I thought we missed this stage when she quit acting for college. You’d tell me if this hoodlum was pressuring her into risky behavior wouldn’t you?”

Which was a lot to unpack right off the bat like that, luckily you had experience dealing with Bela’s mother.

“It’s just a tattoo. She’s not on drugs, I promise.”

“And what about this Dean? I knew they were seeing each other, but this seemed a bit more intimate— not exactly in the public eye.”

Oh, she was good.

“He’s not on drugs either. And—- he actually isn’t thrilled with tattoos. This might be all Bela, if I’m being honest.”

“Have you seen the things they’re saying? The things they’re calling her, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes and heaved yourself out of bed, you needed your laptop if you were going to continue this conversation rationally. 

“Let me look into it— what site were you on?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. Olivette, one of the boardmember’s wives, told me she read about it online during dinner.”

You inhaled deeply and started your usual rotation of sites, you’d have to add some new tags to follow Bela’s buzz more closely going forward. 

“And you’re sure this wasn’t just bad blood from Olivia? I’m not finding much besides general surprise.”

“It’s Olivette. And yes, I’m certain. She wouldn’t make me worry without a reason.”

And then you realized what you were missing, it wasn’t just People or TMZ you had to worry about. You went to Hello!’s twitter and you found what had Miriam Talbot’s friend in a huff. 

You started scanning the comments, gathering the most common complaints and judging their amount of influence via cursory glances. You did not know a lot of the news personalities or celebrity bloggers in the UK. You were going to have to meet with Bela and figure out a better approach going forward.

“Okay, Miriam, it’s almost eleven here. I know you probably called me as soon as you woke up, but consider me on the case. Alright? Bela’s fine and this is just a minor hiccup.”

“If you’re sure, Y/N, dear.”

You sighed. “Of course. I would warn you if there was anything to worry about. But please just let this run its course. You know how the tabloids are.”

“Unfortunately I do, that’s why I called. Please keep me updated if anything else comes up?”

“Will do. You have a good ni-day!”

“Goodnight dear— and thank you.”

You smiled at your lap. “Anytime.”

You let her hang up. Then you promptly pulled up your contacts list and warned Bela that her mother was sniffing about online and to call her at a decent hour. And finally, you spent the next four hours (or so) online until you had swam to the bottom of the cesspool and decided it wasn’t worth your time. At least not right then, not so exhausted.

Three days passed since the snobby UK gossip rags’ judgment rained down and, as expected, it had already just about fizzled out. You sat in a cafe with a quad shot flat white, waiting for your lunch date to arrive. Not truly a date, though it wasn’t a meeting either.

It was a diplomatic mission.

Then you spotted him and your stomach swooped, feeling the loss of his presence in your life all over again.

“Hey, Cas.” You stood and held your arms open for a hug, which he accepted with a timid smile.

“It’s good to see you, Trouble,” his gravelly voice murmured in your ear. He still smelled the same.

You pulled back and looked him in the eye, searching for anything but the sincere blue reality in front of you. He held no grudges, not with you, without even discussing it you knew he was still your friend. 

You then punched him squarely in the shoulder. “That’s for ghosting us all for the last nine months, assbutt!”

He grunted, and rolled his eyes. “I can accept that.”

“Good. Because I missed you. We all miss you.”

He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in challenge.

“So— heard you have a kid, huh. That’s —- weird.”

Castiel exhaled and shook his head. “Who told you?”

“What? Nobody. I have eyes. And spend enough time online to draw some conclusions.”

“Kelly told you.”

“She didn’t have to. She’s amazing by the way— are you a thing now, now that you know he exists?”

Castiel looked affronted. “Me and Kelly? Oh, no. That was a teenage mistake. We were young. And we’ve both matured into vastly different people. But I respect her and I think— I hope I’ve earned her trust.”

“Tell me about him—- he’s what? Twenty-twenty one?”

“He’s twenty three and very talented. Kind, impossibly optimistic even.”

“Yikes, tough combo out here.”

“Tell me about it.”

You shared a look and he smiled at you like he knew what you were thinking about. Like you were reliving the same joke.

You blinked away the sting in your eyes.

“Go get your dark roast and get back over here, we’ve got things to discuss.”

His eyes softened, but Cas didn’t argue with you.

You sipped your drink and tried not to let all of the questions that had been building for months run away from you. He was back both too quickly and too slowly. You cleared your throat, the awkwardness you had been fighting back rushed to the surface.

“So— I presume there is more to you calling to get lunch. Not just asking about Jack and goading me about my latest tattoo?” Cas wasn’t one for small talk.

You nodded and swallowed around another perfect mouthful of milk and espresso.

Castiel’s face went through a journey when you didn’t quickly reply. “He doesn’t want to see me—- he made that quite clear.”

“And what about since everything?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know Dean’s called you. He might not have been big enough to actually apologize in a voicemail, but I know he wants to fix things— he misses you as his friend, too.”

“Then he should be able to suck up his pride and make the effort,” Cas snipped, the first sign of the lingering anger from his and Dean’s fight.

“I haven’t exactly seen much of your effort. Do you not want to fix things?--- And I’m not talking about coming back to the band— that ship has sailed. I’m talking about twenty years of friendships you just walked out on.”

Cas stared at his coffee, his eyebrow ring arched with his bitchy expression. He hated being corrected, you knew that. But this had gone on long enough.

“I’ve spoken with everyone but Dean,” Cas explained. “It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.”

“You never spoke to me,” you spat.

Cas’ eyes softened again. “I always knew where your loyalties lie, you took your time, too.”

“Wait— even SAM?!”

“Sam and I haven’t lost contact this whole time.”

You sucked in air. “Oh, he is so dead.”

“Y/N. It wasn’t like we were plotting or anything. He was worried about me, I was worried about Dean.”

“Yeah, but if Dean knew—”

“Ask Sam, but I don’t think he could hide anything from Dean if he wanted to.”

You knew he was right. Ever since Sam got sober, transparency had been something Sam put into his closest relationships anyway. Beside Dean being ruthless and stubborn, well, you supposed Cas was right. 

“Why do I feel like this band just doesn’t want me to be able to do my job?”

“Your position as group therapist is fairly tenuous. Especially with Pamela involved.”

“I meant my real job. If I had known you were on decent terms with, well, everyone but Dean, it would have made things a lot easier, young man.” You couldn’t help but smile now. Sure you were hurt, but the eggshells you had been stepping over for so long really only took up a single corner of the floor.

It was freeing.

“I never meant to cause you any distress.”

“That doesn’t make it go away, Cas.”

He bowed his head, but popped back up to meet your gaze. “I know. I apologize. I didn’t want you to think that I was done— with any of you.”

You pinched your eyes closed quickly and then reached over the table to squeeze his forearm. “Okay. So— you’ll come to Dean’s birthday party, then?”

Cas patted your hand with his left and sat back, breaking the contact and sat with the invitation for a heavy moment.

“What makes you think he’d want me there?”

You glared at him, all tattooed and handsome and absolutely clueless about how much his absence has affected Dean. Sure, Dean got to keep the band, but it wasn’t the same without Cas. Cas has had to start over entirely, become a dad and rebuild his career all without any of the support Dean has had around him through his own troubles.

“Look— I know you’re Mister Independent and I don’t want to set back any of the progress you’ve made without him needing you around. But he still looks for you whenever we all go out. And hanging out with Kevin, made it abundantly clear to him that you were available— you just weren’t interested.”

“Why do you always make it sound like we were an item?”

You rolled your eyes. “Look, we all know Dean has attachment issues. I’m not saying anything was kinky between you guys— that’s not my business. But, as friends, you guys deserve to at least get some answers— closure or forgiveness can come later, if you get there.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that to get me off your case?”

“Yes, really.”

You smirked and Cas’ smiled with his eyes, fidgeting his lip ring with his tongue.

Cas cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee before changing gears. “So, your friend Bela and, uh, Dean?”

You groaned and hid your eyes in your hand. When you looked up he was laughing at you.

“What?!”

“Stop— we both know what it’s all about.”

“Kevin seems to think Dean’s whipped.” Mischief continued to dance in Cas’ eyes.

“Well, it’s about time.”

“I told him, the only one who has had Dean whipped in over a decade is you.”

You choked on your spit, sputtering at Cas’ bluntness.

“They don’t know it’s for show do they?”

You inhaled deeply. “Sam knows. Dean and Bela have their own private agreement about it all. But, uh, yeah, you pretty much guessed right.”

Cas watched you thoughtfully, futzing with his lip ring with his top teeth now. 

“How are you holding up?”

“Me? I’m fine, why?”

Cas nudged your ankle under the table with his combat boot.

“As someone who was definitely in love with him for most of my life— I know the symptoms.”

You sighed and shivered at being seen and having your long held suspicions confirmed. You rubbed your upper arm, trying to fight the goosebumps. “I’m fine. Nothing has changed. He’s just been working on himself and that is— distracting.”

Cas hummed, head cocking to the side as if looking at you with a different angle would give him more insight.

“I mean it. He’s in therapy and everything. Sam and him are working out. He’s been insanely focused on the latest album—”

“He’s doing penance.”

“Maybe. But he wants to be better. It’s not just guilt. I don’t know how to explain it. But, you’ll see what I mean.”

Cas eyebrow popped up again.

“You will,” you insisted.

“You always were able to read me weren’t you?”

You chuckled at the back of your mouth, short and knowing. “Guess it comes with being stuck with each other for so long.”

“Shared trauma response,” Cas teased.

“Or that.”

You finished the last of your drink and looked around the cafe.

“So, where we going to eat? I think we’ve had enough heavy— sushi?”

“You buying?”

“Phantom Traveler is covering this as a business lunch.”

Cas stood and pushed in his chair. “Okay, well then, bring on the seafood.”

You stood and let Cas walk you outside, his hand on the small of your back until he could offer you his elbow on the sidewalk. You smiled up at him and pulled him tight to your side.

“I’m glad you’re back, Cas.”

“Well, we’ll see if everyone agrees with you, won’t we?”

The afternoon passed quickly, catching up and sharing memories that were now tinted with the grief of the last lost year. Things made more sense the longer you thought about how the band had been acting, especially way back at the Animal Shelter where Cas’ niece had been more than willing to put in her two cents. You texted Sam while you waited for your meals, warning him where you were and what you knew.

‘Have fun.’

His only response. Asshole.

But everything kept from you, kept from Dean, wouldn’t last forever. It couldn’t. Now you at least could control the narrative a bit more by being in on it all. Or most of it at least.

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

Chapter Twenty: Arpeggio

[inneedofsupervision]

I didn't ask, did I? (Chapter 7)

Happy begrudgingly steps aside and walks after Tony into the diner. The billionaire skillfully ignores the gasps of surprise and the poor attempt to take pictures of him secretly as he strides straight up to the counter. "Two cheeseburgers and a large fry. To go." "Please get in line and wait for your turn, Sir." "Excuse me?" Tony slowly pulls his sunglasses down and glances at the skinny teen behind the register. "Bad hearing comes with age, huh?" mutters the teen under his breath. Happy makes a choking sound behind him. ___________________ Or, how Tony Stark gets sassed by some high schooler working part-time and makes it his mission to figure out what he did to make this kid he'd never seen hate him. If that means annoying the hell out of said high schooler, that's not his problem.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10

Chapter Summary: Rhodey and Tony finally leave, and Peter is left alone with his thoughts.

(Read on Ao3)

Peter's forehead leans against the door. Only after the engine of Mr. Stark's car howled and the tires started to roll did the teen dare push his fingers between the blinds and pull them aside to peek out of the window.

They are finally gone.

With a deep sigh, Peter raises a hand, ready to run it through his hair, only to stop when he realizes that it's still covered in paint.

If Aunt May knew about what he did, he would get sentenced to a week's worth of house chores. Including a deep clean of the bathroom.

"Not my most glorious moment."

After several minutes, with the help of half a bottle of dish liquid, an old sponge, and lots of hot water, Peters's hands were reddened but free of paint and smelled, according to the dishwashing label, of gentle citrus dreams, whatever that meant.

While drying his hand, the teen couldn't help thinking about his act of revenge. It was petty.

Peter feels ashamed to use his abilities for something so childish and silly. He is Spider-Man. He should be the one keeping people from vandalizing, and what did he do? Smearing one of the most important buildings in NYC, just because he let Mr. Stark provoke him.

"If I simply hadn't said anything. Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?"

The guilty conscience grew while he worked on a persistent sauce stain on one of the tables with his rag.

Mr. Stark mentioned his action costing Stark Industries millions. At the same time, Peter felt like the man didn't care about the money but rather about his image, and the flippancy with which the man talked about losing money sparks Peter's anger anew.

It's already dark outside by the time the teenager closes the shop. With his hoodie deep in his face and his head ducked, he quickly walks down the street. May won't be back until tomorrow morning, and if he hurried, he might manage to patrol for two hours before going to bed.

On his way through the city, he walks past a construction site. He halts, and his eyes wander along the scaffold that takes up the whole facade.

"A truck hit the front at full speed a few weeks ago."

Peter turns away from the destroyed building. A man leans against one of the street lights. He has his, several times patched coat tightly wrapped around his body, a bottle sitting comfortably in his hand. He tosses his head, taking a hearty sip before pointing at the building.

"One of the best shelters in the whole of New York. Never mind how busy you got treated like you meant something. They even let your furred friend in there if you had one. Now, we can only hope they rebuild it. To our luck, they put another cafe here."

"I heard about the incident," manages Peter to get out, voice hoarse.

"You're okay, boy?"

The homeless man squints his eyes at him, and something in Peter's stomach coils as the guilty conscience hits full force at the thought of a man without a roof over his head worrying about a random teenager.

A man who didn't have a roof over his head because Spider-Man hadn't been here.

"Yes, I mean, not really," stammers Peter before taking a deep breath, attempting to collect himself. The man eyes him with worry, partly curiosity, and takes another sip while waiting for the teen to finish his sentence.

"It's just that I knew someone. Someone who came here often."

Peter feels ashamed when he catches the man's eyes widening with realization. The man shortened the distance between them, stepping closer, and despite the strong sense of alcohol prickling in his nose, he knew he wasn't in any danger. A heavy hand lays on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry about that, boy."

It's embarrassing how his eyes start burning. Peter had to look away from the empathy-filled, bearded face.

"I don't know who you knew from the bunch, but I know many people hanging around here, and most are decent. I'm sure whoever it was, he would appreciate a fine young man like you to remember him. Many people in this city don't recognize us as humans, but you are alright, boy."

The hand on his shoulder gives another tight but comforting squeeze while Peter uses the back of his hand to wipe over his eyes. He manages to whisper a small thank you.

The man didn't look happy with a crying teenager in front of him.

"You want some?"

Peter eyes the bottle with a high percentage of alcohol before his eyes fall back onto the worried eyes of the man. A small smile blooms on his face, and he has to chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. He sniffles and wipes at his other eye.

"No, thank you. But there's something else."

The man pulls the bottle back with a grin.

"I'm listening, boy. Spit it out."

Peter manages to give him a grateful smile.

"Would you tell me your name?"

The homeless man raises an eyebrow in disbelief before grinning.

"The name's Jason."

Jason holds out his hand. Without batting a lid, Peter takes the hand, including the filthy fingerless glove, shaking it tightly.

"I'm Peter."

[lordshroom]

Happy One Year Anniversary to 2012 Good Genes! WOOOOO

I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported the comic! Whether it's writing a comment, leaving a like when a new chapter drops (or spamming likes as you binge it), or just reading it. Thank you <3

Hard to believe I've managed to semi-consistently update a comic for a whole ass year. When I started this comic, it was a means to force myself to learn how to draw the turtles and just force myself outside my comfort zone: dynamic posing, perspective, shivers backgrounds.

I thought I would run with this idea for a few months, get bored, then move on to something else. A fate that has unfortunately fell many of my previous projects.

But then I started recognizing the same few blogs liking the new updates. I got a few followers. I got a few comments. Every note felt like something special, a sign that people actually wanted to read this story.

So I kept making the comic. One of the biggest shifts in mindset came from when I met Gavin Smith, an artist for the IDW series, I asked him how long it took him to draw a page. He said, "It changes depending on the page. Sometimes it takes three hours sometimes it takes three days." My priorities shifted from "Get the comic done as soon as possible before I get bored" to "make the comic you want to make". The comic went from this to this. I missed coloring, so I started coloring. But I always liked inking more than coloring, so I started inking the comic pretty soon after.

This does mean the comic takes longer to get out, and that bums me out. But I don't mind taking some extra time to give the pages some zest because, well, you guys. If you're going to take the time out of your day to read the pages, I'm going to take some extra time to work on them.

My dream job has always been to be a writer. I've fluctuated between writing books, movie scripts, comic scripts, and a bunch of other stuff.

When I was little, I would imagine elaborate 2012 fan fiction. I never wrote any of this down since I was deeply embarrassed by my fascination with TMNT. It was a boy's show, and I was a girl. On top of that, 2012 became my lifelong hyperfixation. I didn't even seek out an online community for 2012, the closest I ever got was the forums for the show on the Nick site I watched the episodes on.

In high school, I realized who the hell cares and started entering the online community. I watched Rise and 2003, bought the IDW hardcovers, and started getting the figures.

Then in college, I said, "screw it," and started writing a fan fiction on AO3. It did not perform well. I tried to tell myself that I should write for myself, but it was hard to find the motivation to continue so I moved on.

Last summer, I started working on my original story and considered making it a webcomic. I watched a bunch of videos about making comics and wanted to try it out. Now, all the advice for making your first comic is to "make it small so you actually finish it!"

I did not take that advice.

The idea for 2012 Good Genes was old, like, fan-fiction-I-made-in-my-head-in-high-school old. It was different from the current comic. That old version took place post-season 5 with a bunch of OCs and Donnie being mutated into something more bug-like. I went with a retelling of "Vengence is Mine" so I wouldn't have to worry about designing any new characters/ environments, and I those handful of episodes as a blueprint.

2012 Good Genes was supposed to be a learning exercise and became something so much more with your support. That support got me to work on another fanfiction on AO3, which got so much more love than I was expecting. It was so touching that people liked my writing enough to read it without any silly pictures.

So I'm going to say it again, thank you. Thank you so much for a fantastic year. I would not be where I am today without your support.

And if you managed to get through all my rambling, here's an update!

"The Invasion!" will have four more pages which I'm still drawing. After that is an original episode that I want to take time to write a script and design a character before I start posting updates, so in the meantime I will be working on drawing some stuff for my asks and working on the next chapter for "Perfect Son".

[megamagimugi]

now here’s where we ✨uno reverse✨and you get a question and some praise.

What got you into the Mario fandom? And also!! Your bio says your a fan of TMNT, but which version do you like the most? The 2003 and 2012 version are pretty nostalgic to me, but I loved the 2012 one the most, their designs are personally my most favorite! ROTTMNT I know is a really good one; I started binging it last summer but never got around to finishing it :(

Now praise! I know I’ve said this in your ask for me, but I just REALLY love your art. Your redraws are on another level, you effortlessly nail the M&L style— seriously, why is it so hard for me?? I’m too perfectionist when it comes to them. 😂 I knew once I saw your drawings of Zahra’s amazing Anything for Him story that I’d be hooked. And your attention to detail is just 🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾 like that water from your beach redraw I’m still not over.

And you’re always so supportive of my art, and it means more than words 🥹 especially with the anticipation of my upcoming animation, my motivation fluctuates. I want to pick up my Apple Pencil and just do it, but it’s like something holds me back. Honestly just talking about my art with people is a good source of drive for me, and you’re definitely one of the best sources of motivation ♥️ thank you for being so kind, and thank you for being you! You’re so loved 🫂

Okay, storytime it is! (This is most definitely going to be my longest answer to date; hope you don't mind).

Let me give you some background first. Unlike most people I didn't get into gaming as a little kid. My household was basically video game-free - my father wasn't into gaming, neither was my older sister and my mother was even somewhat against video games. Under these circumstances the first video game I ever played was the Sims, as my sister had a short-lived phase when she liked it. I found it incredibly boring. Sometimes I'd watch my cousins or friends play other games when I visited, but they'd never let me play xD Still, that made me realize that I enjoyed (=wanted to try) racing and action/adventure games.

At one point, when I was a little older, my still humble gaming experience led me to finally playing my first Mario game: Mario Kart. I look back at that experience fondly as I also won against my friend at the time on my first try. He wasn't particularly great at gaming either but hey, a win is a win.

Anyway, I got curious about these characters and started searching for more info, and for more games to try out. I finally got to the Super Mario Bros. series, discovering my love of 2D platformers along the way. There's a retro gaming museum in my area where you can play on old computers and systems so you bet I spent some time there playing the oldest of Mario games, which was a big step in me getting into this genre as a whole and this series in particular.

I also tend to gravitate towards brothers in media and well, Mario and Luigi are obviously brothers so I guess I got curious about their relationship and how it plays into the lore of the games. Which brought me to the Mario & Luigi RPGs, which I loved. I guess you could say I got Hooked On The Brothers™ But honestly, the carefree and fun atmosphere as well as the sort of wacky fairy tale setting were very appealing to me too.

I started slowly but surely collecting whatever Nintendo game consoles and games I could find and afford, and watching playthroughs of those I couldn't. I even played a couple fan games, such as (Mario) The Music Box - despite it being so very different from the source material LOL

And of course, the 2023 movie got me to appreciate the franchise even more and be more active in the fandom, reading more fanfics etc. Which eventually brought me here. I started reading Luigi's Escape Plan by jelly-fish-wishes and some other comics on Tumblr and the site tried to force me to register so often that I eventually gave in, annoyed. I definitely don't regret that decision though!

And look at me now, creating my own content - well, only fanart really - for this lovely fandom. And interacting more and more with other fans.

Now for the Turtles. I've been a fan since I was like 11 and first started watching the 2003 series (only the first 3 seasons were available in my country at the time, but a few years later I found the rest on YouTube). I've watched all versions other than the 1987 series and Michael Bay movies, and read some of the comics (I really love the original Mirage comics!), yet that first series still remains my favorite. My favorite animated show of all time even. You could chalk it up to nostalgia, but it's definitely more than that as nostalgia is rarely a big factor for me when it comes to genuinely enjoying things. I just really like this version of all of the major characters the most, as well as the humor, the dialogue and the action scenes (those fight choreographies were amazing tbh), and the plot overall. As well as the art style in the first 5 seasons. Sure, the show wasn't perfect due to the frequent animation mistakes and the painfully bad Japanese (the fake kanji were bad enough but the horrible pronunciation, man... the pronunciation...), but everything else more than makes up for it.

In case you're curious, overall I did enjoy the 2012 series too. Really, I enjoyed most of the Turtle media. Tbh I have a bit of a weird love-hate relationship with RotTMNT though.

And last but not least, thank you so much for your kind words! It's so interesting that some people here praise my style while it was something my old professor criticized as too generic in my digital art and animation when I was applying to college. And people like you saying I pay a lot of attention to detail when my art teachers and professors criticized me for going too abstract in my paintings and not precise enough in my drawings. It's been healing some of these old art related insecurities stashed away somewhere in my brain, ngl.

I totally get your struggle with perfectionism. It's my old frenemy that to this day rears its ugly head more often than I care to admit, especially when it comes to art. It's important to relax and do your thing anyway. I'm sure you'll make some sick animations and I'll be here cheering you on along the way. You got this, girl!

And I appreciate what you said about me at the end. If there's anyone in this world who makes me feel loved and like I'm actually worth something, it's you and other amazing people in this community. Thank you so much :))

[stitcherofchaos]

A Defense of Maglor

Maglor is my favorite character in the Silmarillion. I know there are people out there who loathe him and there are people out there who love him. I know he murdered, that is a fact. There is also the undeniable fact that he chose to take the oath and burn the ships. There is the fact that he was deathly loyal towards his family.

But I have to say this...

Whoever says that he turned around and became self righteous or delusional, clearly didn't read The Silmarillion as how it ought to be read. These are pretty darn bold words but the reason I like Maglor's character is because of two things.

1: He is fictional. I think if you use his name alone, you can misconstrued him subconsciously into a real life person (but I am going to use his name because saying ‘Maglor’s character over and over drives me nuts) the point is, this essay is about CHARACTER not a real person.

2. He raised Elrond into the elf we see/read in The Lord of The Rings. I'm pretty sure if Elrond was abused in any way by him, he would not be the same great elf lord. Not to mention Elros was a mighty and gentle king, as if I don't know who THAT'S reflecting.

3. He was the only son of Feanor to throw away a silmaril, and regret sorrowfully (now tell me if he is so 'self righteous' or 'delusional', why is he so sorrowful and regretful canonically?)

I had to say these things because Maglor hate makes me physically nauseous (and for pete's sake, I'm exaggerating). Now, you may think I am a hypocrite for taking one's perspective alone on a character so seriously. But I am a self made writer myself; I am not trying to force my opinion on anyone. But when someone misunderstands a character from how they themselves view them instead of seeing the character the the author intended to write, that bugs me greatly.

And yeah yeah, there are people out there who just don’t care and writer whatever that heck they want due to their fanon ideas….

Why don’t you go and write about your own character from those ideas and create your own story instead of leeching off from a famous author?

I like Maglor because the way Tolkien rewrote several drafts of the silmarillion to create characters into the way he saw them.

Maglor is not perfect, he is morally ambiguous at best and evil at worst, but who was the one who saw the Star of Earendil and had hope? The fact that he's not a perfect character or the 'good' or 'nice' son of Feanor is the reason I like him so much. Tolkien did say he inherited his mother’s more gentle temperament. Again, an ignored fact in canon.

At least I am not one of the greater hypocrites who gives his good traits to Maedhros and Maedhros's bad traits to Maglor. Is it because Maedhros is hot? You can be honest with yourselves. Everyone wants to find excuses for the handsome ones.

I don't find excuses for Maglor. Whether anyone in this site wants to admit it or not, finding excuses for a morally ambiguous character is a toxic trait. It is not a healthy way to go through life.

That being said…

Who has ever thought of the idea that Maglor's soul was ripped apart when he realized he was the enemy all along?

Tolkien was a Catholic first and foremost. I believe that when he wrote that Maglor could not withstand the pain of the silmaril, he meant the great spiritual pain of his soul being torn apart by the guilt and regret.

((I also have a headcanon that his body became a husk afterward and did eventually fade, it was like in a catatonic state where he could only walk and sing. Also, that you can hear his voice along the cliff sides or caverns of the beaches, he was known as the mighty singer, it's not because he's still around, but because of the eternal echoes that still haunt the beaches.) I like solid explanations before anything too abstract.)

Also, another thing. Who the heck thinks they themselves are self righteous enough to decide whether to forgive the feanorians or not? They are FICTIONAL. And besides, that's the Teleri's job. If someone asked me whether or not I would look Maglor in the eyes and forgive him. I would tell that person that I had no right because it was not my business. Some people hate Maglor/the feanorians so much to the point where you would wonder if they actually believe that they were personally effect by the feanorians. If you’re one of those people, please either get some therapy or touch some grass (I’m trying to be as gentle as possible so forgive me if I offended you).

The reason I like Maglor, it's actually a pretty deep and personal reason. But, who cares, it's not like he's real or that anyone else on this site cares about self preservation or privacy.

I read the Silmarillion during a darkplace in my life. So when I read about a character who was loyal, merciful, imperfect, ruthless, and regretful... I admired him. Someone who gave up his morals to protect and serve his family, that is admirable. Though his loyalty should have been with his morals, it was still fierce and bright like any son of feanor, or any more so than any of his brothers.

I like him, because he taught me what you should do in times of hardship and crisis and what you should not do, which is basically what I was going through during that time, and even now. That is, despite circumstances, remain hardy and stick to your morals because doing so will give you a prosperous ‘harvest’. Stay close to your family with loyalty and charity, but be wary of the family members who use or manipulate you, get out of that kind of situation. Like imagine you have a ‘Fëanor’ parent. Would you rather live with him or your ‘Nerdanel’ parent? Make a better choice than the choose of those seven brothers. They chose wrong and it lead to their deaths.

Tolkien wrote stories to create, and to teach. I don't see why I should ignore these values instead of appreciating and learning from them. It's the reason why I prefer to look at Maglor's character and learn from him rather than hate or search for reasons to hate him.

[deathlygristly]

Something I've been noticing lately on here that might explain a bit of the old hate I got back in the day:

Internet people really really get into their feelings about reading, in both directions. Like I saw a post going around with a link to an essay about literacy by a black woman who grew up in Sierra Leone and who has ADHD and autism and dyslexia, and one of the comments was something about being pro-reading being racist and ableist. It was very clear that they did not click the link and read the essay.

I also saw another post with something about how reading above level as a kid didn't result in the kind of life the poster thought it would. Implying that the person making the post saw reading as something connected to status and economic success.

I'm like yeah, I read every book the local library had on the Holocaust when I was 9, but I don't think I ever connected that to social status or my future? I was just really interested in the Holocaust and learning about it and trying to understand how humans work and how they could do that to other humans, and then I also just really liked the stories in classic novels and short story collections. Like maybe I don't have English class trauma because I always read stuff I wanted to read because it was interesting, without ever thinking about the perception of others or social standing. So I'm just chilling and then people project their weird status obsession on to my reading habits and yell at a shadow in their brain about it but the yelling hits me.

Also earlier (not on here, on a much more "normie" site) I saw someone saying that they had tried to be nice and kind so they didn't understand why bad things had happened to them. I don't know if I've ever connected my actions to things that were not caused by my actions? For as long as I can remember it's been obvious to me that the universe is random and that things happen and that the web of cause and effect is vast and mostly unknowable by humans. I never really think about it but if I am forced to articulate it, it seems to me that humans just do what they can with what they have and what they know and then things happen and then they do what they can with what they have and what they know in the new situation.

Yeah, some things on an extremely short time line can be clearly traced back to your actions, but I don't know where the causal connection would be between my actions from birth to my seventh birthday and my father's heart attack a month after I turned seven. How could my actions as an infant and a small child affect the blood flow to my father's heart? I do not understand how if I acted out and hit another small child because I didn't know how else to deal with my small child emotions, or if I saw another child crying and I did not know how to comfort them so I left them alone, more plaque would build up in my father's arteries, and thus my lack of kindness and treating others well would cause bad things in my life by killing people close to me in ways I had no control over and could not affect at all.

Anyway....once again I am realizing that I grew up in a very different culture than most people I encounter online did and that they see things very differently than I do, and that sometimes that difference results in conflict but it's not my fault and it's not that I'm a bad person.

[posi-pan]

Watched a video titled "Problems with the bisexual spectrum" (would've preferred if they used multisexual but that's not the point) and scrolled down through the comment section. While the majority of the comments were mspecs appreciating the vid and sharing their own experiences and thoughts, I noticed a pattern of pansexuals (+ people who used to label themselves as pansexual) sharing how they were constantly harassed, judged, and mocked for using the label. The constant harassment eventually culminating itself into self-hatred

Some ended their piece by reassuring they learned to stopped caring about what exclusionist think, and happily continue labeling as pan (or later go on to discover that another label fits them better) but others ended it by saying that while they know pan is a valid label, the harassment consequently made them uncomfortable of pansexuality, and would rather not have anything to do with it at all.

I had a similar experience years ago. Witnessing multiple non-bi mspecs constantly mocked and forced to use the bisexual label, "Bi vs Pan" posts painting pansexuality in the most negative light imaginable being highly supported, exclusionist, without fail, commenting either "I don't see anything 🤔" whenever a pan flag is showed off or "I guess 'X' doesn't exist now 😔" whenever a fictional char is headcannoned as pan, just made me resent myself and pansexuality, forcing myself to simply use 'saphic'

Those comments made me realized just how common of an occurrence this was, and I felt dejected after thinking about them for too long. Like, we go through that whole proccess of self-loathing and constant pressure to ID as something else, and yet no one outside our community seems to care?

Whenever a prominent LGBT+ figure/site talks about pansexuality (IF they even talk about it as it's own thing), it's only "They exist, and they are valid <3". Don't get me wrong, this is very appreciated, but why do they never use that opportunity to shed light on more valuable pieces of information as well. Show the community at large our history without the misinformation, expose the normalization of pan exclusion and the prominence of anti-pan dogwhistles, show pansexual's mental health statistics, etc.

I want to finish off this long rant (sorry btw) by saying thank you 💖💛💙 Your blog has helped me mentally throughout these years. I love reading through the Pan History and Pan Statistics carrds especially. If it wasn't for you or this blog, I would still be that self-loathing resentful person I was years ago. So again, thank you 💖💛💙

(I also want to apologize again for basically sending you an essay 😅 I got passionate writing this; if I left out any info/context, I would've exploded. Have a good evening!)

it's honestly so sad that pan people go through this and seemingly no one cares. and ugh yeah when the only thing regarding pan mentioned is something like "it's valid" or "pan people are part of the bi umbrella" it's like....that's it? what about something meaningful? it's just telling, ya know? like we're not worthy of genuine and meaningful consideration.

but yeah, no worries about the long rant! sorry for taking a while to get to it, though! i'm glad the blog and stuff has been helpful to you. you deserve to love and celebrate yourself and not be weighed down by hatred or doubt caused by the ignorance and malice of others. i hope you're doing well and have a lovely day! 💛💛

[cielhunternorwood]

Life Sucks, Imma Talk About It

Not sure how many people actually follow after me on whatever sites at this point, but I feel like I need to get something out of my system. Firstly, about the lack of overall content lately. Outside of the Average Player videos, which are minimal at best, I've been stuck without much creative energy due to a lot of stress factors related to work.

From around December until mid- to late-March, I had a lot more work to handle at my job due to a lot of incompetent upper management over-stressing the mid-management who were working double time while the store manager was on leave from a medical procedure.

While I was bouncing between two stores to help out at first, I had to cut down to the original store due to just how excessive a lot of the demands were and how much I was basically the only reliable back-up for getting stuff done. While the plus side was that it gave me a lot of extra hours (which allowed me to buy a new, beefy desktop PC), it left me mentally exhausted and unable to really focus on anything creative.

Once the store manager began popping back in at reduced hours, though, the hours I worked went back to being absolute shit. This is, of course, bad for a lot of reasons I won't detail. However, it also put me into a realization that I'm being singled out by the store manager for whatever reason. You know that feeling of how you're treated like shit so you quit instead of get fired? It's like that.

Well, all that came to a head when the manager of the other store, someone I knew very well from my last job and helped me get the job here in the first place, flat-out quit last week. While I'm happy he chose to leave, given how much hell they put him through, it does cut off an easy means of getting more hours by helping out at the other store.

Adding on that previous plans of moving to another state to be with someone were canned thanks to the heavy hours of working giving me little prep time, I've not been in a very pleasant position overall mentally.

Most of all, the laptop I have been using up until now has been such a piece of shit in doing anything marginally laborious, which is doubly infuriating with the fact that I was "forced" to use it for gaming due to the Windows 10-only thing for a bunch of games that would run just fine on my old desktop.

And last, but not least, is that the forced necessity of living with my mentally-unstable and deranged mother has gotten worse in that she retired in December, leaving me with basically no time to be alone and free in the house.

This has all culminated in a huge dogpile of stress that has made it difficult to focus on anything remotely creative for some time now. The fact that I spent over $2k on a new PC, while necessary for what I want to do in the future, is still pretty stressful due to an uncertain money situation.

My hope has been, though, that being able to have a devoted gaming PC again will let me revert laptop usage to its original intent: creative shit. So far, it's kind of worked out, though I've basically had to give myself time to mentally relax beyond just playing video games.

The reason I decided to bring all this up now is that, well, a huge storm rolled through and knocked out power for long enough that I had to slow myself down and not expect to do anything for well over a day. The morning after it happened, I ended up setting a chair on the back porch and began reading.

That moment of quiet peace and reading turned into a much larger slowdown than I thought, and it kind of gave me time to think about what the hell's been going on in my life, while I've been rushing about trying so hard to get things done.

So, hopefully I can get my shit together soon, now that I've kicked myself out of the big rush I forced myself into the past few months. I wouldn't expect much in the writing department, since I have a lot of background stuff to work out, but I also want to find a decent hosting site for this stuff. I left Inkitt before they went AI-crazy, and I'm not sure about posting anything on Wattpad in the event I want to publish.

Expect some more shitposting in the meantime, to get some creativity flowing. I do really miss photoshopping silly things together, even if only a few people seem to enjoy them.

[sadrockandwaltzes]

ASPBO Good and Evil Dichotomy

People like A Separate Peace better than Peace Breaks Out, but why is that?

Well here's my two cents. The first book takes place during the war, but before the boys are due to go. They are children holding onto what's left of their childhood before they die in battle or come out changed. Finny is the representation for all that is good and pure in the world; namely childhood purity and innocence. He implicitly trusts everyone and more importantly Gene, who kind of representatives the world. The tragedy in that book is that Gene's purity and the goodness in the world (Finny) is tainted and then destroyed by his own hand. Just as the world and these boys should have been able to live out their lives peacefully and happily, something always comes in and destroys it. Usually as a side effect of something else, like greed. Gene was so caught up in jealousy and his problems that he unknowingly destroyed what he thought was an indestructible force. He took Finny for granted and didn't realize the harm he was capable of until it was too late. The novel ends with Finny telling Gene that he forgives him and Gene forgiving himself; similar to the story of Pandora's Box where even after all the demons, there is still hope. He may have destroyed the peace, but that doesn't mean he took all the Finny out of the world.

ON THE OTHER SIDE Peace Breaks out starts from the point of view of one of those boys who went to war and came out changed, but the war is finally over. During the war it was easy to know one's enemy and assume that the war represented all the evil in the world, but then he meets Wexford, a child whose goal is to take control of everyone and cause mayhem. He represents the inherent evil in human beings, and he's so insidious that his maliciousness touches the hearts of all those around him and causes death and destruction, often without lifting a finger. Where Finny who was never given a last name represented childhood innocence, Wexford who only has a last name is the darker mature adult world. Finny possessed the quality of something immortal, while Wexford possesses something that cycles through hosts and places, never truly dying because it will always be reborn. Wexford rejects childhood in every way he can- he dresses in a grey suit (kids wear many colored suits but not gray according to 40s fashion history sites), he drinks alcohol and smokes, he is able to appear older than he is, and often frequents bars. The one thing that he, as hate instead of Finny's love can't understand, is romance and sex. He likes the idea of being in control, and unless all of the power in a relationship was with him, he can't stand the idea of being vulnerable or known by another. Gene was the accidental adult who killed his childhood, but here is a boy who purposely poses as an adult and plots to kill his childhood so that he can complete his transformation into something with all of the power in society. Finny didn't care about that- he was content to share his wins and losses and his entire heart with one person and make that his entire world. But where Finny, who is sunny and innocent is happy as himself, Gene and Wexford (and adulthood as a whole) recognize that there is a gaping hole in them, an unmissable hole. The older they get, the more distant their dreams and the nice illusions about the world fade away, and they're left to walk into the dark, full of trepidation and fear because they are aware that there really are monsters. This bothers Gene though, and he hides into himself not trusting anyone. Wexford instead decides to become the worst monster he can, so that all the other ones will be nothing compared to him. Gene is a follower where Wexford is a leader. (Actually I read a review on here that Wex was like a mix of Gene and Finny. Maybe this is what they meant. Gene saw god in Finny, Wex sees god in himself. He's Gene if Gene was a narcissist with Finny's confidence)Anyway, Pete realizes that evil is everywhere and cannot be killed, so he resigns himself to living in a world of monsters pretty much. So both stories share overlap, but there's plenty that's different. They're both cautionary tales. But one is about recognizing the evil in oneself and the other is about recognizing the evil in the world.

[tremendouskoalachild]

What we know about Leslye Headland's perspective on the prequels

We've heard a lot about the showrunner of The Acolyte and her opinions on the prequel films, especially recently after star wars celebration 2023. I'd like to summarize what we've learned so far.

It seems every artist new to the franchise gets asked the same question in interviews about their first star wars project: their personal relationship to the IP. Leslye Headland consistently responds that she's been a fan since childhood (the 80s), loved to read expanded universe books, and enjoys star wars RPGs. She goes into her history with the fandom around 25 minutes into this youtube interview, explaining among other things that she got back into the fandom around the time of the disney buyout (early 2010s).

She shares a similar sentiment in an interview (archived link) with The A. V. Club in June 2021:

"I enjoyed the prequels but didn’t feel the same kind of kinship to them as I did the original trilogy. I was older. I was moving into college and getting into theater. I was moving in this different direction. But with the advent of YouTube videos and their discourse around Star Wars, I started to get back into it, whether it was critiques of the prequels or recaps of things, or just kind of this digestible fandom that I didn’t realize existed."

So, Leslye was an OT baby, grew up by the time the PT came out and wasn't all that into it, and got sucked back into star wars by interacting with the community on youtube and other sites, around the time the fandom was revitalized post-disney purchase.

She elaborates further on her reaction to episode I in another interview from June 2021, for TheWrap:

“What I can say is the reason it did appeal to me personally is that I was 18 when ‘Phantom Menace’ came out and I was a very, very big ‘Star Wars’ fan. I remain a big ‘Star Wars’ fan, but at that particular time, right after the re-releases and the fact that I was in high school, it just kind of all coincided at a time where I was discovering who I was sexually, I was discovering who I was artistically, I was kind of realizing what I wanted to do with my life. And then this big, huge movie event, cultural event happened that was ‘The Phantom Menace.'”

“And I know there were varying reactions to it. And certainly there were a lot of people that had grown up with the original trilogy who were disappointed by it. But I actually was very intrigued by why George Lucas had started us at that particular point. I kind of wondered, but what happened to lead up to this? That’s kind of where my ‘Star Wars’ fan brain went was like, ‘How did we get here?’ And why are the Jedi like this? When they are in power, why are they acting this way and how is it that they’re not having the reaction that you would think they would to Anakin’s presence and what Qui-Gon Jinn is saying about how passionately he feels about training him and bringing him into the fold. It’s like, even the discovery of Darth Maul is kind of met with this like, ‘Hm, interesting’ kind of feeling. So I just think for me, my brain has always buzzed around that area and wondered what’s going on here — or what has been going on here.”

In her interview (archived link) with Vanity Fair from 24 May 2022 she introduces her approach to Jedi and the Force in The Acolyte:

“In the prequels, Mace Windu says: ‘There's no way that the Sith could have reemerged without us knowing about it.’ And Yoda says, ‘Hard to see the dark side is,’” Headland points out. “He acknowledges that this is a part of the Force that has been dormant, or at least hidden from them, for so long. What I immediately wondered about this particular period was: who is practicing it?”

Vanity Fair: How do you explain the High Republic to a Star Wars fan who may not yet be familiar with the stories the books have been telling?

The way I would explain the High Republic, and specifically where my show takes place, is that I'm about 100 years before The Phantom Menace. So, a lot of those characters haven't even been born yet. My question in watching The Phantom Menace was always like, "Well, how did things get to this point?" Do you know what I mean? How did we get to where a Sith lord can infiltrate the Senate and none of the Jedi pick up on it? What went wrong? What are the scenarios that led us to this moment? So that's what I would say. That's how I would describe it to my friends, especially my non-Star Wars friends.

One hundred years in our own world is a huge leap. There are unthinkable changes in the span of century. Is that true of the Star Wars world, too? Obviously there are starships, there are lightsabers, but is it a different era technologically in the High Republic?

Absolutely. I mean, I love the fact that George Lucas, when he originally made Episodes 4 through 6 [a.k.a. the original trilogy], you can see that he wants everything to feel like it has this particular type of decay. This is a lived-in sci-fi fantasy world, not a sleek, well-put-together aesthetic. He was really going for something that I think was a bit revolutionary at the time.

When he tasked himself with making the prequels, the way that he decided to address technology and all of those types of things was to make it a much sleeker, better-looking, almost more advanced time. That's what's kind of weird about Star Wars. The further you go back, the better things are. “A long time ago” actually becomes more futuristic. So while we are creating this type of world, we're trying to carry George's concept that the further you go back, the more exciting and new and sleek and interesting things look.

The way you're describing it reminds me of the Roman era, a time where that empire was very powerful and fairly technologically advanced. Then that region of the world falls into a period of barbarism, and the Dark Ages follow. Is that similar to what you're talking about here? Is the High Republic an era of education and advancement and glory, while the Star Wars movies and shows that we know best are from a time of collapse and decay?

Yes. We actually use the term the Renaissance, or the Age Of Enlightenment. There doesn't necessarily need to be an uprising among people in the expanded regions or in the inner worlds, because everybody's doing so well. For what I'm exploring, another good analogy might be post World War I in the United States, where we very much got into this isolationist concept of: we're not helping anybody. We want to protect this particular vibe that we have going. [Laughs.] ‘Vibe’ is definitely not the word they use.

So the leaders of this galactic era would rather ignore conflict or suffering than resolve it?

The High Republic is so golden in so many ways. The Jedi uniforms are gold and white and it's almost like they would never get dirty. They would never be out and about. The idea is that they could have these types of uniforms because that's how little they're getting into skirmishes. So of course my question is like, ‘Well, what else is going on?’ You can't just end up with George’s Phantom Menace situation if everything is going well.

It has to be going well at the expense of what? What is not being attended to? What are we turning a blind eye to that could lead to the rise of somebody like Palpatine about a century later? Yes, it's one bad guy, but it's one bad guy that completely undermines the entire system of government. A lot of other things must have been going on beneath the surface.

And we know the Jedi completely miss this.

[They’re] constantly talking about balance. If the light side is proliferating everywhere, what's going on with the dark side? How is it manifesting itself? What is it doing to survive? Because it very clearly does later on in the world.

From a more recent IGN article (published 7 April 2023, first day of star wars celebration):

Speaking to IGN at Star Wars Celebration, Headland explained that she started brainstorming The Acolyte by challenging the status quo.

"You just go, 'Well, where's the part that nobody's going, what about that?' And so to me, the institution of the Jedi was that," Headland said. "So they trained children and that seems super complicated of a thing. It's not criticism. It's just like, 'well, that seemed strange.'

"And then it's like, 'Well, we're in this era of peace and nothing's wrong because we are in charge,' which is also a strange thing to say. And again, they might be correct, but I would assume that in the very, very vast galaxy, people would go, 'I don't agree with that'."

Challenging things that are just accepted in the Star Wars universe, and even things that fans have criticised looking in from the outside, was therefore her approach to The Acolyte.

"Why would this happen this way? Why did Qui-Gon make the decision that he made? How [did] Darth Sidious become chancellor without Yoda, one of the most powerful Jedi who ever lived, knowing about it? I think that those are questions that were just all still hanging out there. So that's where I think you start.

"I think plenty of people are taking swings at the Skywalker Saga and the time periods between George's original trilogy and the Disney trilogy and beyond. Plenty of people are taking cracks at that. So to me, I was like, 'Well, I'd like to try to take a crack at just asking some of the questions that maybe other people wouldn't necessarily think to ask or people have asked, but maybe not on a level where they were lucky enough to get the opportunity to make it actually happen like myself'."

Headland said during the panel, and further with IGN, that she’s taking inspiration from various Star Wars media as well. Speaking specifically, she said she was “very, very struck” by The Clone Wars episode The Wrong Jedi, where Ashoka is put on trial by the Jedi Council for crimes she did not commit, and Anakin must find a way to prove her innocence.

And finally, we have the interview with Collider, published 14 April 2023 (but probably recorded on 7 April 2023 as well):

“What I'm really interested in is Star Wars for the perspective of the bad guys. Therefore, if we set something earlier in the timeline, something before the prequels but a little bit after the end of the high Republic - because Star Wars is always about Rebels versus institutional threat, underdogs versus huge Empire, so if we set it then then the Jedi become the antagonists. Not the bad guys, but they become the bad guys to the bad guys. And I gotta say, Kathy really responded to that. She really felt like that was a pocket of the universe that we had not seen, that nobody else had pitched her.“

"I think it’s difficult to do a show that is critical in any way of the Jedi. And I think that you saw that with [Rian Johnson’s] film. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that, especially in that moment, people were very nervous about saying this particular institution may not be the light and perfect, stunning group of heroes that are totally nobly intentioned. And one thing that I think Dave would say is that they are fallible. That's really the story that George told with the prequels, right? The fall of this particular group."

“So I went, well, then what happened right before that? He sort of starts in medias res in Phantom, so I went, well, if you went back further, where are the cracks in the system… how can evil start to rise in the way that it does, to the point where literally one of the strongest Sith that ever lived can infiltrate the Senate and none of the Jedi know about it? So I think once you can kind of get people into that place then they're more supportive.”

"But I think when you think you're going to tell the story about bad guys, and the Jedi’s might be the antagonist to those Jedi’s, I think that makes people nervous. But it didn't make Kathy nervous. And I will say that in that room, when I pitched her, it was probably one of the most exciting things because it felt like a conversation, and less like I was up for a job. It felt much more like, 'Okay, but what are you going to do about this? And what are you going to do about that?' And so I was able to fold in what I know about Star Wars, and what I love about Star Wars, into what she's always pushing for, which is, 'What's the emotional throughline?'"

[lordnot]

OK,I think I understand what's going on now: you've been convinced that we are in a Forced Binary Choice scenario. It's relatively common nowadays, so don't feel bad! I just didn't realize that it ran this deep.

Let me try to help you out here. See, despite what you have been told: the only action that is a vote for Donald Trump is actually voting for Donald Trump. Clicking or checking off the Donald Trump/J.D. Vance Ticket, either at a polling site or through mail-in voting. You can tell that this is the case, because the Trump campaign isn't encouraging people to sit at home on Election Day, or vote Third Party, or sit on social media arguing about "The Revolution". That would be foolish, because they know that none of those actions help get Trump elected.

In contrast, if you wanted to vote for another four years of starvation wages for nursing home aides, daycare workers, and college professors along with unaffordable nursing homes, day cares, and colleges, you actually have a number of effective options for this upcoming election. As you pointed out, one is voting Republican. Another is voting Democrat.

Because you're right: a number of studies show "the economy" does better under Democrats. It's just that when economists measure "the economy", they put very little weight into concerns like income and affordability. Instead they look at productivity, how much is being produced at a time. And if you can pay people less to do the same work and then charge them more, as the tweets above describe, then productivity is increased and profit is up! What a great "economy"!

So no: whether "the economy" did better under Bidenomics or MAGA isn't all that relevant to the original topic. Now I'm usually in no position to lecture anyone on reading theory. But if you read the tweets above and the terms "Bourgeoisie" and "Proletariat" don't flash in your mind, then the problem may be that you simply don't have the tools to conceptualize a solution to the problem described.

[aprikosengamine]

All My Ships

(with some added context sometimes)

Claire Kincaid x Jack Mccoy (Law and Order), tbh this was the first relationship I saw that made me have butterflies and squealy feelings after something bad happened to me, and made me think about entering another relationship some day. They just had this chemistry and the looks they gave each other, i hate it was never officially confirmed expect maybe in like season 9, but tbh I've never watched past a bit of season 7 cause Claire was my OG, my fashion inspo, my raison d'être.

Sybil Crawley x Tom Branson (Downton Abbey), the way they killed her off, absolutely heartbreaking I've never managed to fully watch that episode again. They deserve to be happy in Ireland with all the babies they want and her career, with the perfect husband who backs her up whenever.

Hermione Granger x Fred Weasley (Harry Potter), I can't even remember why I started liking these two, it was so long ago probably came across a fanedit or a fic by accident. I just love the funny one and serious one matching, and finding that they're actually more similar than you think. But a PSA to everyone interested in this ship, writers sometimes don't say if Fred lives or dies in their fics and getting to the end thinking these sweet characters who love each other are going to get through this with the author being pretty unclear about the final battle only to be hit with "it's been two months since Fred's death" BOOOO!!!

JJ x Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), specifically in fics where she doesn't get in a relationship with Will, or it doesn't get to the point where they have Henry, not a huge fan of the honorary uncle/aunt then becoming the kid's stepparent trope. I also don't like to watch the show much anymore bc I worked in that field and when it's real on your desk everyday, watching that mixed with the sappy family stuff (also garcia, not a fan) is not enjoyable anymore.

Ellie Bishop x Nick Torres (NCIS), thank god a lot of their episodes were after Abby left, no offense to Abby lovers but dear god she's pushing 50 at the end, act like it??? I think I'm just into hot people bantering with each other.

Keeley Jones x Jamie Tartt or Roy Kent (Ted Lasso), we only saw J&K together at the beginning when he was more of a prick, but the new and improved Jamie I think could be a good match bc they have similar personalities. I liked Roy and Keeley together, they were really different but a lot of what each other needed. I loved pretty much everybody in that show, except Nate. Nate can go fuck himself.

Emily Rhodes x Aaron Shore (Designated Survivor), ok maybe it is just workplace romances, these guys had some banter, on opposite sides of issues, but why did the writers decide nah we're just playing she's going with Seth, no real buildup on that.

In summary: Workplaces romances, or romances that occur when two people are forced to be in the same environment. I've never had an office fling, all the men were way older than me and in much higher positions, the few that weren't yeah no thanks, or like a summer camp forced encounter thing but I live vicariously through these people having to be professional in public and absolutely smitten in private and seeing it melt through. I'm also sucker for the guy loves her more and realizes before she does.

These aren't all the ships I've liked in my life. I was in middle school during this site's most infamous shipping thing, can you guys guess what I was reading on my phone after I was supposed to be asleep? Here's an abridged list of some of the ships I've liked over the past 10ish years doing this: Sherlock/John Watson, Destiel, Doctor(10)/Rose, Dan/Phil, and those are just the really big ones that made it through the preteen fugue state, I do get a mini heart attack every time someone in my day-to-day life mentions any of these expect doctor who.

[whats-up-gamerz]

Playtesting! Using Feedback to Improve

As a playtester, what was your experience? Which project did you playtest? (provide a brief description)

I playtested the Universal Protocol game, used to learn the protocol used by medical staff to ensure surgeries are done on the right people in the right spots. It was interesting being a playtester and knowing someone was watching my interactions with the game. That said, it wasn’t hard to still play as myself and enjoy the experience as I would without being observed, I think, since the game content was rather dry (as, frankly all of our learning objectives are. My group is the APA 7th edition citations group, after all! Ha!)

Were you tested synchronously or asynchronously?

I was tested synchronously.

What did you learn from playtesting the other team's game?

I learned about how you should mark the proper site for surgery with your initials and not an X, don’t use a water soluble marker, and double check information such as the patient’s name, surgery, and surgery site beforehand while they are aware and awake.

How could your playtesting experience have been improved?

Perhaps a chance to read what universal protocol was beforehand. I was guessing for all answers since I have not studied in the medical field before.

As the one administering the playtest, what was your experience?

For synchronous tests: Before beginning and starting the timer, I told players upfront that I would be a silent observer and to feel free to please voice their thoughts and questions out loud. I made a point of not correcting or interacting with the players unless they thought the prototype was over before the Prototype Over screen showed. Players accessed the game on their screen and played through the levels as I took notes. Afterwards, I noted the time and gave the players the followup survey.

For the asynchronous test: I sent a message stating that the player should use a timer to time their gameplay. I told this player there would be a “END OF PROTOTYPE” message at the end of the game. When done, I told the player to complete the survey.

Did you administer synchronously or asynchronously?

Both synchronously and asynchronously.

What did you learn from administering the playtests?

So much! I will say, observing was HUGE in gathering information on how the players approached different parts of the game. I was really pleased with the range of information I got from my players- I had an avid gamer who is very much motivated by achievement and challenge, an ELL casual gamer who has taken this course and by playing showed so many areas for improvement and offered amazing feedback... honestly, I wish my asynchronous testing has been synchronous too! The observations show so much.

As for specific points, here are a few in bullet point form:

ELL AND HIDDEN ASSESSMENT: By observeing one of the playtester, I realized that there was a hidden unintended assessment in our game on high level English language skills. While some parts of this are due to the nature of citations, certainly some of it we can address with better design. Doing another pass on the newspaper to add whitespace and visuals, removing some of the unnecessary high level vocabulary, and filling out the HELP screen with scroll, highlight, and hover functionalities (i.e. hovering or clicking on F. M. explains that it means First Middle for the initials) would go a long way

NARRATIVE PULL: All players seemed very interested in the narrative and one specifically requested more mysteries and information on Dr. Binici

PASSLOCK SCREEN: One player thought the “INCORRECT” on the passlock screen was a permanent result and could not be fixed. Changing this to “TRY AGAIN” or just a short flash of INCORRECT would help this!

CHALLENGE AND HELP: One playtester refused to use the HELP function on the basis of wanting a challenge. Thus adding to previously discussed idea of a “forced HELP popup” that moves the OPurdue Owl window up in front of the password entry, with the specific citation style highlighted, would be important.

What could you improve if you were to playtest again?

Well, recording the asynchronous play would be helpful, so I can watch it take place. Frankly, I would want to take the time to make another iteration of the prototype before another playtest. This one is so, so, SO barebones due to the time constrictions (all of us are students and have fulltime work!) that there are more features I would want to put in to try out before the next test, such as more icons/easter eggs on the desktop and a different style of CLUES question from a later level.

[spicyvampire]

There is like 20 different definitions for that word on the merriam-webster but like it truly got a new meaning in the last decade or so but these are like my favorite ones and those that I think kinda fit what I'm saying

Like free on the internet is such a relative word now cuz is anything really free? From a user pov??

Now a days you can go to a website and they can directly just ask you to pay to see their content, this is the regular paywall people are used to but that's not the only way something can be seen as not free on the internet

If you go on a web page to idk look up a recipe and they immediately says the website uses cookies, the information on that site is not free just cuz u can click the little consent tingie and have access to the recipe, because they are getting your data in exchange, like a lot websites you can't even refuse the cookies because they HAVE to take at least the basic so the website will work, same thing if they ask for your location, it just it's not free if something from you is getting collected in exchange of you getting the information you need

Now there is more subtle stuff to this, like ads, like technically you are not giving anything to the website that features ads directly, but somebody is giving that website money so they can show you those ads that might eventually make you buy their stuff, this makes the website again not goddamn free because it's taking the attention you should be focusing on finding or reading that recipe and forcing you to pay attention to this random shit you don't care about, so it cost you something in return other than being another view on the website for the website owner, you are giving these companies who paid the the website owner your attention via this random ass website whether you want it or not

An even more subtle version of this is when the person who created the content is plugging a product themselves in the video instead of having an automated ad, again not only are you are being sold something but the person creating the content is selling YOU and your attention to the companies they are advertising for, your own money might not be involved in this but money about you is involved anyways

And then the one where content are being given to some people first because they paid for it to then be made free, I think this one is just the hardest for people to understand for some reason simply because if it get published afterwards then it's free, huh no it's not, money was involved in the process at one point, some people got to pay to have the content first, the minute that happened it is not free anyone, for it to have been free the whole time nobody should have paid money for it, like on top of that, especially with YouTube, the content that is released for free is often modified and is not even the same as what the paetrons got to see, like the video is shorter on the version they made "free" on YouTube and there is a bunch of ads in them while the paetrons' version is adless or the paetrons got not only to see it in advance but also got behind the scenes and a bunch of other extra stuff that I can't think of rn cuz it's 8am, my point is that whole situation make the thing not free, because not everyone got to see the same thing at the same time and got treated the same way, the content was restricted and obstructed for some people for a period of time, which makes it not free even if it gets "given" for "free" afterwards

Anyways I think people need to rethink their definitions of what make something free, because on the internet, that shit basically doesn't exist anymore and a lot more people need to start realizing this

Some people just don't seem to understand the word Free in the day and age of internet