#I realized going into my art tag on here that I went from drawing very serious! kinda stuff to like. less than wholesome memes

[snowblossomreads]

Day 11 - Out of Reach

Pairings: Lionel Shabandar x Fem!Reader

Summary: In where [Y/n] crushes on her boss who may or may not have similar feelings (spoilers he does)

Tag(s)/Warning(s): boss/secretary thing, pining, 'collecting' people, unhm not too much other stuff really, Lionel getting angy for a moment, worrying about job loss, that's it?

A/N: AYEE it's our boi Lionel 🦁🦁🦁 !!! I have not really written for him before lol so much sorry if it's out of character i'm trying here bhaha!

Crushing on your boss, was one of the most cliche things someone could ever do. Yet here [Y/n] was doing that exact thing, in hopes that maybe, it would all end up like a romantic Christmas BBC special. You know the one, where the protagonist is in love with their boss who, is very much out of reach? But it turns out the boss has been crushing too. Yeah, those.

Only, she didn't think Santa liked her that much. Granted, she stopped believing in him when she saw her mum sneaking presents under the tree when she was ten, but she also wasn’t a big believer in Christmas miracles. It’d be nice though. Because boooy, the list of things she would do for Lionel Shabandar to like her as much as she liked him was looong. 

And some of them were very much not child-friendly.

Hey, it wasn't her fault he was so handsome, suave, and also, so, so demanding of everyone he worked with. A lot of the people who worked for him found that he was a bit of an asshole, but her? Nah. She just saw a man who knew what he wanted, and did what he needed, to make sure he got it. And boy did watching him deal with some of his clients get her hot and bothered, when he would lay waste to them with facts and data until the other person had no other choice than to acquiesce to him, or go back to the drawing board. 

Lionel wasn't a fool, and he certainly didn't have time to suffer with fools or day dreamers. No, he had a business to run and a world to dominate with his media might. 

But speaking of day dreamers.  

"Day-dreaming again [Y/n]?"

The low rumble of his sonorous voice right by her ear, caused her to jolt in her seat as she hadn't even realized he had come over to her. Startled by him suddenly appearing right by her side, and giving her a look of amusement, she couldn't help the flood of embarrassment that ran through her veins, and showed on her face as she tried to play it off. Shuffling up some paper to make it look like she hadn't been zoning out, she smiled at him in hopes he would ignore her zoning out.

He of course, wasn't fooled by that. 

"I don't believe I pay you to just sit pretty and day dream about doing work," he continued, straightening to his full height and crossing his arms against his chest. "Though I do so enjoy looking at you as much as I do my Monet's. Much more interesting than silly paperwork. Though I guess it is a good problem to have. Paperwork that is."

Oh, also how could she forget how much of a flirt he was. Was it really her fault that she was crushing on him whenever he would say something like that to her? 

"I'm so sorry Lionel!" [Y/n] apologized profusely, looking at him bashfully. "It won't happen again! I was just looking at the winter gala information and the themes for the night," she lied hoping to save her skin. 

"Hmm really?"

"Yep, just wanted to make sure we had everything we needed before I went to talk to Earl about getting some potential sample art pieces for the gala."

There was a grimace on his face when she said that, and she noticed it would appear whenever they talked about his curator. She didn't know why, but he seemed to not really liked the man which was so very strange. He did hire him after all. 

"Then why do you only have the lunch menu of the Savoy's grill and memos from print media on your desk?"

She looked down and those were exactly the things on her desk. Well, would you look at that.

"I-I uhm…I got hungry?" 

If he fired her for that, he would very much be in the right for it as she watched him close his eyes, his lips going into a thin line before he let out air through his nose. 

She was about to lose her job wasn't she? So long any chance of her getting to date him. As if there were any in the first place.

"It is about time isn't it," Lionel spoke as he opened his eyes, and glanced down at his watch, and back to [Y/n] who was trying to not gawk at him.

What.

"But before that, I need you to find Earl." Another grimace. "And do indeed tell him about the samples, I rather have this done sooner than later so we can fix any mess ups that happen."

"Don't have any faith in him do you?"

"Barely," he groused, annoyance clear on his features as he rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure why I even keep him on, the quality of his work has been declining for a while now and as you know, I have no time to suffer fools. Especially with the growth that’s happening with the company."

She did. Which made her cheer knowing she wasn't a fool, at least because she was still here.

"Well everyone has their slumps sometimes Lionel," [Y/n] responded, actually dragging up the memos and notes from the board members with their requests and preferences for the gala. "Maybe he's just having one right now? He did help with curating the spring gala this year, and there were a lot of compliments from the board and others, so maybe he's rebounding?"

"The spring gala?" He huffed in exasperation at that memory, and she couldn't help but feel a rant coming on. "You mean after you had to intervene after seeing him show up with a collection of expressionism paintings rather than surrealism after he mixed up which storage room he went into?"

That had been a whole debacle, and she’d never seen Lionel turn that red with anger. The heat had practically radiated off of him as he glared at poor Earl who was bumbling his apologies while [Y/n] tried to calm Lionel. 

"If it wasn't for you it would have been a  bloody disaster!" 

Eh, he did have a point. But she liked Earl pretty well, and he seemed mostly competent. Mostly competent, was well below Lionel's standards though.

"I'll take the compliment, but I'll make sure I'm clear with Earl this time about what we need," she smiled, garnering a similar look from him that made her stomach feel all funny.

He had a very nice smile. 

"Good, other than your daydreaming," he started, causing her to want to squirm in embarrassment, "you've clearly been a better hire than my previous assistant," Lionel mused as his features softened, his eyes watching her intently making  her to feel a bit shy under his gaze. "I'm not one for silly praise, your compensation should be enough for that." 

It was. Quite generous actually. 

"But I do hope you stay on for as long as possible, I do quite like seeing you every day, and appreciate how thorough your work is."

If her face wasn't on fire from earlier when he had shown up next to her suddenly, it sure was now. Something else was on fire as well. Leave it up to her to turn his praise into something more. 

"Thank you Lionel, I hope I can keep satisfying you with my work."

"Oh, I'm sure you will." He replied, flashing a smirk at her that many a woman before had fallen for, and she was not ashamed to be another on the list. "Now," he cleared his throat, "before you talk to Earl, I think lunch is waiting for us. That is if you care to join me today?"

"Yes please!"

"Get. Out." 

He was hot and fuming, but his words were as chilly as the London air this time of the year. Actually, they may have been colder. 

Add the way she had never seen someone run from his office like this, and she had seen some people powerwalk out the door mind you, and she knew they were in a shitty place.

Six weeks until the gala and the ball had been dropped and bad. Earl was out, and they were left with a steaming pile of turd, Lionel's words not hers. But it was very much what it was. 

"Lionel I've called, Andrew, Catherine, James and Holly but all of them are either booked with work or out of the country and won't be able to make it."

"What about Martin?"

"I left a message with Mr. Zaidenweber's assistant, but she said he had just started work with another client and won't be able to fit it into his schedule with such short notice."

"Bloody damn!" He hissed, slamming his hand on the desk, causing some of the items on it to shake and fall. One of the victims, was a little globe that rolled off it and onto the floor as it made its way towards where [Y/n] was standing. "I should have fired him months ago!" He spat, as he leaned over his desk to look at the samples that were left , and it seemed to make him even more furious as he swiped them onto the floor with force. The sound of the pages crinkling filled the air with a ‘woosh’ as he did that.

"And now I'm going to look like an absolute fool to these people because of that little prat!" 

Grabbing the little globe that rolled towards her before it tapped the sole of her shoe, she brought it back to his desk, sitting it down before backing away. She could feel the fury radiating off of him, and rightfully so, considering all the important people who were supposed to be coming to talk business. 

While she wasn't extremely savvy in all of that, only knowing bits and bobs from what Lionel told her, and a bit of research she had to do when clients were coming. She knew appearances were everything, and taking into account what people liked and didn't like was important. 

And Earl had mucked up terribly it seemed, after mishearing what she had said, even though she had sent him memo after memo with what was needed. In a way, it made her feel like it was her fault even logically it wasn't. Still, though, he had entrusted her with that task, and from where she was at right now she felt like a great big failure.

"I'm so sorry Lionel!" She blurted out, her head dropping to look at the floor, hoping to avoid his anger and also to avoid him seeing how her eyes began to gloss.  

A familiar pang in her chest attempted to crawl up her throat, and she tried to keep it down as she had no intention of crying in front of him.

There was a beat of silence before he answered, and when he did, his voice was filled with utter confusion because what was she talking about? 

"I'm sorry?" A look of bewilderment appeared on his face that she couldn't see, and with the tone of his voice going up from his norm, it made her want to hide. "What are you going on about [Y/n]? I don't pay you to curate art though at this point I may have to!" 

"It's just, I-I was the one who said Earl would be fine doing it," she explained shakily as she fidgeted with her fingers. "Even during lunch that one time. I tried to convince you of it…and now he's gone and botched it! I know the board is going to have something to say if things don't go right. And it's not gone right…just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut." 

The room was quiet for a moment before the sound of his shoes tapping against the floor echoed around the space as he approached her. With each step, she felt her heart drop further into her stomach. All that joking around about losing her job, but this time, she might really lose it. 

Head still bowed, even when she felt him standing in front of her, she was jolted when she felt a hand wrap around her forearm, and a finger lifting her head up to look at him.

His lips were drawn into a frown, but the look in his eyes was devoid of anger. Especially now, when he saw her eyes that were rimmed red, which caused a look of concern to etch itself onto his face

"[Y/n] once again you have things arse backwards," Lionel huffed, but gently. "I hired you to run around and make sure the others have their orders, not, to do their work! Not only that, I can assure you I have no intention of blaming anyone for the decisions I make. And it was my decision to let him continue on. So enough of that, I don't enjoy your tears being wasted on something silly like this." 

"B-But I-."

"[Y/n]." His voice was stern, and she quickly shut her mouth not one to back talk him. That seemed to placate him considering the pleased smile on his face before a thoughtful one took over.

"Good. Mow that we are on the same page, I need to make a call, I think I may have a solution. But well, we will see," he explained as he removed his finger from under her chin, which caused disappointment to rise in her chest. Though the one on her arm stayed and she wasn't in a hurry to move it. 

She was hopeless wasn't she?

"Why don't you go and have lunch while I make a call, darling."

Darling? 

That was a first. But she wasn't gonna complain about it either as he didn't even seem phased by what he had said. 

For a moment, she wondered if he had even realized what had come out of his mouth. But he gave no hint of whether or not he did, and she could only do so much to hold back the grin that wanted to break through..

"Sure! Should I bring you back your usual?"

"Yes, that will be fine."

Giving him a smile, they stood in the same spot for a moment, his hand still on her arm as they gazed at one another before [Y/n] made the first move.

"W-well I'll be back and hopefully to some good news," she rambled, as she stepped back from his hold, which caused him to let go of her.  

Already she missed his touch, but they had things to do, his was probably more important by hey so was eating. 

Watching her go on her way, Lionel bit his bottom lip as she left all while he lingered in the middle of the room. His thoughts filled with a plan that he was sure to work, but also with thoughts of [Y/n]. 

His sweet, caring, brilliant, hard working assistant, who was also extremely alluring, so much so he would be remiss to compare her to the paintings he had. Oh no, she was much more stunning than those paintings. 

And like the collector he was, he wanted to collect her. Maybe even have her in his permanent collection…

The only problem was he couldn't tell if she was as interested in him as he was her. But with the way she let him touch her, and how she seemed to hold back when he called her that little pet name, maybe there was a chance. 

A smirk graced his lips at the thought of having her all for himself, but it would have to wait, because he had a gala that needed curating for, and no curator. And that just would not do.

So, he made his way to his desk and took his seat behind it. His back facing the glass window that showed a busy plaza in the middle of London as he picked up his desk phone and dialed a familiar number.

It rang a few times before the receiver was picked up on the other end, and a much to happy sounding voice came through the phone almost shouting.

"Li! What a surprise! You never call me at work without an appointment! And right before lunch too. Everything alright?"

"Quite alright, yes, but Sinclair, I need a favor." 

A/N: What's next? Who knows : D ( I do hehe)

[signanothername]

I don't have any ask I just wanted to tell you I find you awesome and cool, I really like your art and your takes on all of the characters and people seem to really like you and your art, and I'm kind of jealous of you but I also look up to you way too much to really envy you. I draw undertale au stuff too but I don't really know what I'm doing at all, both with art in general and also just embodying the characters, I'm really not that great at sticking to canon and i dont know if people like it or not, i post some of my doodles and it gets likes and wordless reblogs hut people never really gige their opinion and it just makes me feel so unsure on if im actually doing it right or on what the stuff i need to improve on is. I really want to be like you one day, you just seem do unbothered and free with your art, I really try to be like that but I just get so anxious about doing it right and any mistakes just freak me out so much, I know art should just be for yourself but I just feel so anxious not having people give me their opinions.

Went on a but of a rant there- hope I'm not oversharing too much- but anyways- I just think you're really cool and I really like your art and I hope that by the time I'm your age I'll be just as good at it as you

Aww thank you <3333

But Anon *holds you gently by the shoulders*

I am unbothered and free with my art, but what if I told you I was never like that before? What if I told you I used to be super harsh on myself, super anxious by what I do, very doubtful and unsure?

I completely understand your anxiety, because I used to be in the exact same position as you at some point

The thing is tho, you have to draw for yourself first and foremost, and I completely get it, you want people to leave comments and tags telling you your art and ideas are good, which is a completely valid wish, you’re not selfish for wanting people to acknowledge your ideas and art, but if you only focus on how many tagged reblogs you have or if people leave comments or not, you’ll eventually hate your own art

I say this as someone who was super focused on these kinda things at some point, I genuinely ended up losing my passion for art over it, even almost gave up on art entirely cause of it, like, I wouldn’t be here today, I wouldn’t be the artist you look up to today if I actually decided to give up on my art 3 years ago

That being said, Anon, whenever you start your journey with character writing and exploration of your ideas and art, you’re going to grow and change as time goes on, improving day by day without even realizing it

Here’s a bitter truth, no one starts with good art or good ideas or good writing, these are skills, they require experience and trial and error, you need to make mistakes if you want to improve

I get that making mistakes is scary, and sometimes feels embarrassing, but mistakes is what makes you learn and take the next step to become better, to try and not make the same mistake again

I made so many mistakes throughout my art journey, from art mistakes to writing mistakes to ideas that doesn’t make sense, it’s a completely natural process, making mistakes isn’t something you can control, but do you know what you can actually control? What you learn from your mistakes

What if I told you, I never really wrote Killer the same way you see today? Back in 2019, I was obviously trying to stick to canon cause that’s what I love, but now that I look back at my old art, I wasn’t really sticking to it as much as I used to think

Which is fine cause it’s just part of my journey to learn how to write him actually sticking to canon, my writing of him and other characters evolved and developed and changed, and that’s something that will happen with you too, it’s completely natural in the entire process of art and writing

Your art and ideas are eventually going to be recognized, but your first priority should always be your happiness and joy first and foremost, when you post something, refrain from checking constantly to see if you got comments or not, because here’s another bitter truth, it simply won’t happen overnight

It’ll take a lot of time and effort, but you’ll be recognized one day, but until then? Try to focus on what makes you happy, draw for yourself not for others

That being said, I still want you to look back at the few likes and reblogs you got, and I want you to actually look at them, not as numbers, but as people

These few likes and wordless reblogs are people, they’re few, but they loved your art enough to like and reblog it, they loved your art enough to let you know they did, even if in a subtle way

Hell, it could be one single person, I want you to look at them and recognize that they loved your art

Once you stop looking at them as numbers and instead as people who took a tiny bit of their time to let you know they loved your art via like/ wordless reblog, you’ll come to appreciate such subtle actions more

You won’t just be as good as me, I believe you’ll even surpass me one day, just make sure you don’t lose your passion for art kay? <3

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Congratulations!!

If you feel inspired by this combo and have time, could you write a ficlet using "I", 🍨, 🥰 or 😂, and 🔨?

Thank you!

(Apologies if you already got this ask--my device froze when I sent it the first time, so I don't know if it went through)

Thank you so much! 🥰I still remember your lovely comments on the mer-dude fic, so I hope you enjoy this little bonus! 🦕❤️🧜🏻‍♂️

Of mates and mer-dudes

Words: 996

Rated: T

Tags: summer camp AU; mer!Steve; established relationship; flirting; sexual tension; fade to black

Notes: Set in the same universe as Just add water

“Hammer.” 

“Hammer,” Eddie repeats dutifully. Dustin spends two or three seconds trying to drive the nail in with the object he's been handed, until he realizes it's a screwdriver. 

“Very funny. I said hammer.” 

“Apologies,” Eddie mutters, chucking the screwdriver back into the mess that is their toolbox with one hand and wiping his sunburnt forehead with the other. “I think we've been out here longer than is strictly healthy. How ‘bout we call it a day and head back to camp? It's almost dinner time.” 

Dustin scowls. The hair under his Thinking Cap is matted with sweat and he is red-faced and splotchy. An unavoidable side effect of working out on the secluded pier all afternoon. 

“We can't just stop now, it's almost done,” Dustin claims, gesturing at their rickety construction of wood and mesh - it’s supposed to be an oversized fish trap, even though Eddie thinks it’s turning out to be more of a funky modern art installation. “This'll work, I know it. This time, I'll prove that Lovie is real. All those past times, it got away too quickly, but if I could just-” 

“Jesus, kid,” Eddie groans. “You and your lake monster. You don't know when to give up, do you?” 

“Give up?” Dustin scoffs. “If Thomas Edison had given up, we'd still be lighting candles. If Homer Ahr had given up, we would've never walked on the moon. I sure as hell won't-?” 

“The fuck is Homer Ahr?” 

Dustin heaves a long-suffering sigh. 

“Only mission control's chief engineer, Eddie? Honestly, that's the kinda question I'd expect from Steve, not you. Where is he, by the way? I thought he wanted to help us.”

“No idea,” Eddie admits. “Lucky bastard.” 

Dustin draws a breath, probably to ask what he means, but Eddie is saved by the sound of the dinner bell floating over from the camp grounds. 

“Okay, you gremlin, off you go,” he says, pushing the kid towards the sound before another argument can break loose. “We can finish this tomorrow when we aren't dehydrated and grouchy.” 

Dustin grumbles. “What about you?”

Eddie waves him off. “Be there in a sec, lemme put away your shit first.” 

He starts picking up their scattered tools, throwing them back into the box. Only when he's sure that Dustin is well out of earshot does he collapse at the edge of the pier, naked feet dangling over the water's surface. 

“Man,” he says. “That kid, right?” 

There's a soft growl from behind him, and the barest of sloshing sounds, and a shadow falls over him. He only just manages to suck in a breath - knowing he'll need it - before a massive snout pushes between his shoulder blades and he goes plummeting into the lake. He’s dimly aware of the toolbox going down with him, and then the world vanishes in a whirl of bubbles.

He resurfaces to the feeling of arms wrapping around his waist and massive fins brushing his legs, and the sound of laughing voices - one human, one very much not so. He tries to glower at their owners, but actually needs a second to part the sopping curtain of his hair.  

“So fucking hilarious, you aquatic asshats. I thought I told you to quit doing that.” 

Lovie the lake creature just chirps merrily and dives back under again, splashing him with her fins as she goes. 

Steve shrugs. The motion makes tiny droplets of water run down his bare shoulders and collarbones, bringing out his freckles and moles and tiny, glittering scales. Eddie wants to lick them. He has long stopped worrying about what that says about him.

“Sorry. She just wants you in the water with us. She likes it when the flock is together.”

His smile is apologetic, but his tail curls around Eddie’s legs in the water, fins wrapping around the two of them possessively.

Because, see, here's the thing. Over the past year, Eddie has not only discovered that his infuriatingly pretty fellow camp counselor is a mermaid and the guardian of an ancient lake creature. He has also somehow managed to score said mer-dude as a boyfriend and been adopted into the lake creature's flock.  

“She never does that shit with Buckley,” he grouses, even though Steve’s words make something flutter in his chest. Steve's touch, also - hands on his hips, fins on his ankles. “She's part of the flock, too, isn't she?” 

“Yeah…” Steve blushes, a delicious pink hue on wet, sun-tanned skin. Eddie wants to lick that, too. “But Robin isn't my…” 

He trails off into an unintelligible mumble after that. Eddie wrinkles his brow. 

“Your what? Come again, fish boy, I didn’t-” 

“My mate,” Steve blurts, and the fins on his hips flutter excitedly under Eddie’s fingers. “Robin isn’t my mate.” 

Eddie feels his mouth drop open. The water is unpleasantly cold against his flushed skin. 

“Wait,” he says when he finally remembers how to form words again. “Hold on a second. When did that happen?” 

Steve’s face is still scarlet, but his lips start twitching when he meets Eddie’s eyes. “That’s just the way she sees it. You can’t expect her to think in human standards. Now c’mon, we gotta get to dinner or the kids will wonder where-” 

“Oh, no!” Eddie interrupts him, mouth tugging into a stupid, wide grin of his own. “No, no, no, sweetheart. You don’t get to tell me that we’ve been mer-mated for God knows how long and never officially consummated that sacred connection. I’m gonna get a mer-divorce if you don’t-” 

“Oh God, shut up,” Steve groans, and kisses him. 

As he gets dragged off to their favorite little shore, well out of sight from the camp grounds, Eddie bids a brief mental farewell to the toolbox lying abandoned at the ground of the lake. He’ll have to make up some story about where it went when Dustin asks him, but that's a problem for later. 

For now, he’s got other things to think about. 

More celebration ficlets

[splitster]

answering more asks!!

featuring pom wraith, pingo, ocs?!, and older art check it out (three's some art 💖)↓↓

THANK you!! ohhh i do have old pikmin ocs... i actually revamped my old captain a while back, i can share him:

i had a whole crew of pikmin ocs who were a part of the S.S. Harmony, they were gonna be SUCH a nuisance to everyone they ran into...

i thought about making a rescue corps oc for fun. hrmm! maybe...

AHHH thank you!! i've seen a shocking number tags and asks from people saying that I'm apparently the reason they like Dingo now? and i have to say that is so mind boggling to me, because when i first played Pikmin 4 I didn't care about him at all!! he was a nothing sandwich to me... but then i drew him a few times... and started thinking... and then things went downhill and now i REALLY like him...

(referring to this post) i think dingo is better when he's withered

(referring to this comic) I HEAR YOU... I HEAR YOU... but if any tear at all would cause oxygen poisoning, i wouldn't be able to draw them all battered and cool :(

i imagine that there's a seal around the neck in case there's a breach in the suit's lining. so as long as their backpack (life-support) works and is connected to their helmets, then they can breathe✨

(referring to this post) Olimar would be horrified because he knows Louie, and if he sees that note there's only one thing it could mean! his coworker tried to eat pom!! if pom hasn't been outed as wraith and Olimar is questioning her, she'd just say Louie bit her and then refuse to answer any follow up questions 💖

Shepherd would be... concerned. she might think they have a weird fling going on and louie's talking about a kiss? she probably wouldn't realize Louie quite literally means he ate something from pom. oops!

that's a really good question... I'll be honest, with a lot of the "when and how did x happen" questions, there's not an official timeline or anything; the pom wraith au is sort of an umbrella with a bunch of different stories and what-ifs underneath it. although there was one story where louie does find out her secret!

louie and pom end up bridging their differences (with the help of olimar), and become good friends while pom is continuing the rescue effort. then there's a very unfortunate incident where pom and louie are away from the base and they're attacked... pom has to reveal herself to defend them and she accidentally hurts louie :(

its fine though, louie doesn't care what pom is. they're both freaks in his mind and that's all that really matters. he does end up having to defend pom from olimar (who's been made vindictive through his trauma with the plasm wraith) sometime later!! here's some older art:

sure

me too! they do NOT get along... louie's kinda pissed at her for chasing him around on PNF404 and beating him in dandori battles when he just wants to stay there and vibe. pom meanwhile doesn't understand him, he pisses her off too! she likes olimar a lot, and as an outsider it looks like louie doesn't appreciate the friendship olimar offers him. to someone who's trying to understand and participate in this whole friendship business, she thinks he's ungrateful and weird. they do not get along!! at the beginning at least...

AHHHH!!! THANK YOU!!! WAHH...🥺💖💖 i'm very glad you enjoy my silly little art style!! i want to make things very squishy so i appreciate that 💖

i don't think that man is going to live!

wait actually if you eat enough maybe you just turn into a wraith. that'd be scary! hopefully olimar's there to stop him

that's a fun thought! he would probably be able to sense that something is off about her. but he'd also probably just think "she's weird like me." honestly, the whole wraith thing doesn't really matter much to him -- the only thing it changes is that pom can now offer her tendrils as a skewer for his cooking at any time and location!

i think i'm gonna call her rose wraith!! and ohh, i didn't know that... i was just gonna call her rose wraith since she has a rose head. i'm creative i promise

(referring to this post i think) AHHH hehe... honestly, when Pom first learns about Dingo's fear of blood, she only tries to keep him from it because it's really annoying dealing with your coworker when they faint. he's like a sack of potatoes when he's knocked out. but yes, as they become actual friends pom will (subtly) do her best to keep blood away from dingo. it's fortunate she doesn't have any!

she might not get phobias, but she understands what its like to have a crippling fear, so she's empathetic!

THANK you. he has sunglasses. he's pretty cool

AHH THANK YOU... i like them a lot... 👉👈

let the marching pikmin give you the energy you need to practice🫡

[voidarchivefiles]

Ancient void practices

I went through some success stories and tagged the ones that entered the void through yoga nidra and lucid dreaming cos these two ancient practices have always fascinated me since they're deeply centred around our state of consciousness and are also known portals to out of body experiences/shifting/the void. Read them if you need some motivation! Also see my recent post on lucid dreaming if you're interested in entering the void through that.

Anyway, if you have doubts about the void, I think a great anchor is leaning into practices that have roots dating back to ancient times and researching them and of course, reading more widely than just Tumblr. When you do this, you'll know that this state isn't something that was invented by Tumblr and has existed since.. forever because well, it's pure consciousness lol. And the void/turiya/samadhi has been known way before Neville's time. From my research, it's the main goal of yoga practitioners as well but they pursue it for the purpose of enlightenment and peace as opposed to manifesting desires.

The rest of this post is a dump of interesting excerpts from my research on yoga, samadhi and turiya and its links to manifesting, reality shifting and the void state. You can also do your own research although there's no need to overdo it :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This extract seems to be talking about reality shifting/manifesting/instant creation. I am curious on where we could learn more about yogis doing this!

Trapped in Your Own World Many yogis have created their own worlds and been trapped in realities like this. I am going into an area which is a twilight zone, but there are many yogis who have created their own world around themselves. A yogi goes into a cave and actually creates his own universe and lives there. This is not a joke. He creates everything that he wants – his own kind of planets, his own kind of earth, his own kind of everything – and lives there very happily. A universe is contained inside the cave. You can create a whole universe in an atom’s space because “here and there” and “this much and that much” are a creation of the mind. There are many yogis like this, but they are no closer to realization than you. He lives in a different world, that is all. He is probably more caught up than you, because he is also the creator. He has learned the art of creation. This does not become an ultimate release. This just becomes a different kind of action, a different way of doing things. An artist draws a new world on a canvas. A yogi actually creates it. The artist’s creation is two-dimensional, whereas the yogi’s is three-dimensional. This is more deceptive. An artist can get so involved in the world he is creating that he starts believing it is true, and it is true for him. A poet believes that whatever he writes is the truth. Similarly, a painter deeply involved in what he is doing believes what he is painting is the truth. When two-dimensional things are like this, if you create three-dimensional things around yourself, you are definitely going to be more caught up with them. Source

To be honest, I have no idea what the difference is between samadhi and turiya in yoga terms. I tried looking into it but it's still not clear to me. If you research into both terms, they come up with very similar definitions.

Yoga nidra and the void (turiya)

By means of Yoga Nidra, skilled practitioners seek to access Turiya, not just when in meditation or absorbed samadhi states, but in all variations of consciousness- encompassing waking, dreaming and deep sleep. They seek lucidity in all states. Yoga Nidra is a powerful practice that guides us beyond mind and in fact turns mind upon itself where its obscuring nature is dissolved to reveal the inner Light that is perennially Bright, with eyes closed or open. Source

What is turiya?

Source: Radiant Rest: Yoga Nidra for Deep Relaxation and Awakened Clarity by Tracee Stanley

Turiya is not a state apart from the grosser states but pervades all levels of reality as superconsciousness. Ramana Maharshi interprets turiya as the natural state that permeates the other states, the only whole reality. The Mandukya Upanishad discusses turiya as pure consciousness, which is indescribable, incomprehensible, and unthinkable by the mind, but ultimately realized as the one true self. Source

The four states of consciousness are jagrat, svapna, shushupti and turiya. Jagrat is waking consciousness, svapna is the dream consciousness, shushupti is the deep sleep consciousness and turiya is higher consciousness which is beyond all previous states. Entering the state of turiya requires inner silence. It can be achieved when the mind is free of mental blocks and bondages with time and space. The goal of yoga and meditation is to achieve turiya, where oneness is felt with the universe. Source

There are three states only, the waking, dream and sleep. Turiya is not a fourth one; it is what underlies these three. But people do not readily understand it. Therefore it is said that this is the fourth state and the only Reality. In fact it is not apart from anything, for it forms the substratum of all happenings; it is the only Truth; it is your very Being. The three states appear as fleeting phenomena on it and then sink into it alone. Therefore they are unreal. Source

[kiennilove]

ART TAG

thanks to @doshiart for tagging me! so excited <3

How did you start drawing? What year was it that you become more seriously and consciously interested in it?

i don’t really remember, but for some reason drawing was an activity that interested me the most?? i’m not counting playing with toys and imagining things, but it’s about creating something from scratch. one time i made paper dolls, wrote a short scenario (very poorly lol) and kinda made a theatrical play in my head with all of this??

spoiler: in 2021 i’ve made an actual play with my best friend, who’s also an artist, with great paper dolls and a great scenario! it was for a college exam, we got the highest score. :3

i started taking it all seriously in 2014, when i went to my first art school. it was small, literally one room, and there were lots of other classes in the same building, like singing, dancing (i did that too at some point), etc. then i moved to the bigger one, that was solely for arts, but i didn’t make it past the first year due to health reasons. so somewhere in the mid-10s.

When you felt the urge to share your art with other people? When did you start posting your drawings on social media?

when i saw other people around me doing it. it was 2014 when i first shared my art online (got a lot of hate because it looked bad lol), and then it was 2016 when i made my first tumblr acc and posted some anime art with some consistency. now i post here and on another platform, just duplicating the content lol

Your first/earliest drawing. What were your impressions of it back then and what are your feelings now?

i tried to find pictures of these first paper dolls but couldn’t, fuck, so here we have…

some OC i did in 2014, i don’t even remember the name anymore :/

i did this after i watched my first anime 😭😭😭 i made this picture back then too, at my iphone 4, don’t judge me

i was proud as fuck because look he has ✨cool hair✨ and it’s a ✨full body✨ but no hands ofc lol

i mean, it looked great for me back then, so i haven’t change my thoughts about it lol i also have no idea what i wrote in the upper corner, i used google translate 😭😭😭

Your first fanart ever

also couldn’t find it, it was jeff the killer fanart, also somewhere from 2014 😭 but! here i have my first digital fanart… 😭😭😭 i spend i think 6 hours to draw this, i didn’t know about layers or anything really so here it is lol

Your first gallavich fanart

holy shit, it’s from may 2022! old habits never die, 7x10 is always in my heart

When you had bad days and things didn't work out, what inspired you to keep trying?

nothing, actually. if i will try to find any inspiration, i will get angry and irritated as fuck because nothing’s working out SO i’ll relax and go play brawl stars 😎

Show your old piece that you strongly dislike and tell why.

this… spend too much time on it just to realize it wasn’t that good as i imagined, the dress look like it was made out of cardboard, i don’t know, it just… doesn’t work. i had worse, yeah, but i have a soft spot for them. this one should be somewhere from 2018

HONORABLE MENTIONS TO THIS PIECE OF SHIT. IT WAS FUCKING 2019, WHY THE FUCK DID I RANDOMLY START TO DRAW LIKE THIS??? just for comparison, picture underneath is from 2019 TOO.

Show your old piece that you very like and tell why. What's the difference with the previous?

let’s go with this, it was 2017 :3

soft, cute, an attempt to do a new art style. i don’t know, theis pictures seem cozy!

Show your old piece that you were very proud of back then.

ACE ATTORNEYYYY >:333

both are somewhere in 2020-2021

fuck, i love ace attorney

Do you do any practice sketches or warm-ups before you draw something big?

mmm not really, only a quick sketch with some guidelines so at the beginning my pictures look like this

(yes, this is ian filming mickey while mick is giving him a bj)

Sketch vs Final. Show your process.

damn should’ve kept mickey’s face lol

Your most recent drawing.

can’t show the most recent one, it’s for an event, but this one is the only finished one FOR NOW, but i also have this little piece here, idk if i will finish it (aaand i forgot mickey’s tattoos)

Give yourself some praise! Look at what improved in your art!

literally YOU GO GIRL!!! KEEP DRAWING NO MATTER WHAT!! i improved as fuck, went through a lot of shit and breakdowns but here i am, being confident and loved by other people and, most importantly, artist who have a much higher skill! i love that. i did great

Any advice you'd give to your earlier self?

just keep going. don’t be shy and don’t erase everything is one small thing is wrong. don’t start an arguments when somebody says “i’m better at art that you!!”. and, maybe, use a hard drive to save shit-

Set a goal for yourself for the coming year.

i want toooooo… i don’t know! i want to try line-less art style, get into more challenges, etc, everything i can :3 and maybe open commissions

aaand i’m tagging… come on, show us your secrets, don’t be shy 😈

@deathclassic @spookygingerr @gallapiech @heymrspatel

@deedala @burninface @vintagelacerosette

[wishjacked]

Happy #WebcomicDay!! :D

This year we're celebrating the process of making pages... so below the cut I've got a bunch of pictures sharing how I go about making pages of my evil post-apocalyptic workplace sitcom, Cargo!! :D

So! My process!!

Writing-> I think sometimes there's pressure to "write" your comic a certain way, I see people talking about script format and stuff a lot. That really doesn't work for me, though! I write my "first draft" script in short scenes on scrap paper, in whatever order they come to me. Sometimes a scene will just be one or two lines, and then a little description of what I want to happen in the rest of the scene.

Later I type the scene up, and write the "connective tissue" that fits between the disjointed scenes so they all flow together like they ought. I don't do page breaks or even character tag or action notes hahahaha I like it to be as BASIC as POSSIBLE so it's easy to edit. And since I'm the person drawing it I can almost always remember who's supposed to be saying what lmao

I edit a lot, but the most major editing is also probably the last bit... when I letter my pages usually I realize "they would never say that" and so I end up rephrasing everything. My art brain is sometimes waaaaay better at phrasing hahaha. Like you can see in the finished page for this script I rewrote like basically all of it, and actually went back to the original "sketch" script in a lot of places.

Thumbnailing-> my thumbs are really big, I draw them with markers on printer paper and keep them in a binder!! I like to thumb scenes in batches and I also usually write my dialogue on them, just so I can read through them before (and while) I draw to get a feel for how the pacing works. :)

Sketching-> OH sketching is also really hard for me! I don't have a good visual imagination so it's really important for me to make sure I have good references. Last year I was especially focusing on setting.

My comic is set in Florida. I'm lucky in that I used to live there and still go back to visit sometimes, so sometimes I can gather my own reference images! But more often I start on Google Maps or Zillow, trying to find buildings that have interesting features or the right kind of "look" for what I want. I'll also look up other interesting elements, my comic is set in a post-apocalypse and I'll research home gardening and things like that which people would probably have.

For example, in this set in chapter 7, I used Google Maps images, photo references of indoor hydroponic gardening, and like, 90's-00's hacker computer setups haha. Also my BFF Roomstyler.com, where you can make 3d house interiors haha!!

Lineart-> I LOVE lineart it is my favorite!!!! I sketch and ink two pages at a time, and it usually takes somewhere between 10-12 hours to do both steps.

I actually think my art looks best when it's just lineart... but I think my STORY is better with color, like it makes it clearer and easier to read and it has a better atmosphere HAHA.

Colors-> I think it usually takes me 4-6 hours to do 2 pages (I haven't timed myself as consistently as I time my lineart and sketching). I have a big file with small copies of my previous pages that I color drop from, and my characters are all flats only. The limited palette that I use is also really handy, it streamlines coloring a LOT.

Finishing Touches-> aka I steal mercilessly from my one true love, my internet home, the beautiful and blessed Wikimedia Commons

I put lots of overlay layers on my art! I like textures so having some strange little textures or pictures on things makes my art feel a lot more finished to me.

And finally my very most favorite ✨finishing touch✨ is the bright colored/patterned gutters that I use. Here are some of my favorites that I've made and used in the past!

And that's all!! I hope you guys have a very happy Webcomics Day and find lots and lots of wonderful new things to read!!!

[cerealforkart]

Announcements and Updates

I already mentioned this with my anniversary comic this morning (I'm glad people seemed to like "it's back on air"), but Dungeons and Daddies the Manga is a whole year old today and I wanted to talk about a couple things!

For starters, thank you to everyone who's been on this journey with me, from those of you who have been here since lesson 1 to those of you who only just discovered lesson 42 yesterday (you probably don't exist because the tags hated lesson 42). Whether you like or reblog every single lesson, you silently read the updates without ever interacting with them, and even if you fell out of the fandom but you read the manga at some point, I appreciate you all so deeply.

I might be making this a bigger deal than it actually is, but Dungeons and Daddies the Manga is a really special project to me. I'm so proud of my growth and I've put a genuinely crazy amount of time and effort into this. There was a time when I was trying to catch up when this was basically a second job. I would come home from work and draw manga pages until I went to sleep, it was all I did, it probably wasn't healthy tbh. People in the discord know, I've gotten crazy efficient at making these, if I don't have anything else going on, I can pump out 2-3 of these a day when new episodes drop. I've never undertaken a project this big before, I'm more the kind of person with a million abandoned first chapters, so to actually still be keeping up with this is huge for me, so I'm hyping this up a little bit.

If anyone has ever thought, "wow, I would love to support cereal financially! They seem to work very hard and would probably really like some money! I would also love some of cereal's cute art to plaster on my belongings," please keep your eyes open, I'll be dropping stickers in near future (Taylor in the trash can will be one of them)! I meant to have them ready for today, but I've never sold anything online before, and I'm kind of stumbling through the process. I'll try to have them up soon! So keep an eye out in the upcoming weeks.

For those of you who only care about Dungeons and Daddies the Manga, you can stop reading here, thank you so much for enjoying my manga this past year! For anyone interested in some personal updates and projects, please keep reading, I've been working on something I'm finally ready to announce.

I've learned a lot from my work on Dungeons and Daddies the Manga. My art has improved a lot, and it's still improving all the time, and I've really come to love making comics. Which is why maybe it won't be so surprising to learn I've decided to start an original webcomic. This webcomic won't interfere with my work on the manga, no need to worry, but as much as I love the manga, and the DnDads community, there's only so much I feel like I get back from it. I've been pouring so much time, energy, and love into Dungeons and Daddies the Manga over the past year, and I'm so proud of my product, but I want to start putting some of all that into something that's actually mine. I've been through a weird past couple of months where I went through some really bad burnout, looked around my life and realized "oh wow, this ALL sucks! I don't like a single thing I have going on here!" So, I quit my job, moved, and while I've been restructuring my life, I started dusting off some of those old abandoned first chapters I mentioned earlier and getting back into original work.

The webcomic is called The Rotting Things, I've teased it a very little bit here and there. It's about a boy with a power that is slowly but surely killing him and a man said to be unable to die trying to maneuver through a world of magic that hates anyone unlucky enough to be able to wield it.

I'm kind of nervous about starting a webcomic, but I've been waiting to be "good enough" to put something out there for a very long time, and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I'll never be fully happy with my own work and just diving in. It would mean a lot to me if anyone wanted to give it a chance.

An eight page prologue will be dropping next Friday, September 29th, after which pages will start to drop one at a time every Friday. We'll see how I handle the one update a week schedule, it might go up to two pages a week depending on how confident I feel. Just like the manga was, this will be a learning curve for me, but I'm eager to try it out! Please give it a shot!

[recurring-polynya]

In case anyone is wondering what the Reddit -> Tumblr migration looks like, here is a dispatch from Ground Zero.

For a long time, we have had a very successful mixed-social media marriage, but my husband, a long-time Redditor who considers the platform effectively dead, got bored and made a Tumblr.

That's not exactly correct. Apparently, he made the Tumblr several years ago, when we were planning the addition to our house, because he was following the "interiors" tag.

Anyway, I offered to help him get set up, since I am a Tumblrina of moderate experience. I made him change his blog's name, and select a profile pic (he used a picture of a fire he had made once). I then advised him to go into Settings and turn off "Best Stuff First" and "Based on your likes" and he was like "Why? I want to see the Best Stuff."

It's how to keep your timeline chronological, I said, the thing everyone wants from every social media. That way you'll only see what the people you follow post.

"I don't want to follow people," he said. "I just want to look at stuff. What tags should I look in?"

"What did you look at on Reddit?" I asked.

"The front page," he said. "Whatever there was."

I realized that I could not advise this man, he was going to browse Tumblr based on his own way of the ninja, and so he did. He went into the "my dog" tag, and proceeded to scroll down. After about two minutes, he realized he could like posts, and he liked every post in "my dog" that contained an actual picture of a dog.

Today, I showed him a picture of a drawing of some sharks that I liked. "How did you see that?" he asked. "Why did Tumblr show that to you?"

I explained that someone I follow had reblogged it, and that often, when I like a piece of art, I follow the artist so I can see more of their art.

"What are the tags on the post?" he asked.

"Sharks," I said.

"Thanks," he said.

[eryanlainfa]

I just realized that even though i see your art of him and you talk about him a lot, i don't actually know anything about aiden. so. infodump to me about your OC lore please.

!!!! hi <3 I have SO MUCH to say about Aiden- and yet I don't share that much about them! I draw them a lot but never give much context, my bad xP

I did answer an ask a while ago about them here if you want! it has all the basic infos you might need and I've just updated it a bit because some stuff was outdated and I wanted to add some details. I also think you can find (very) few things in the eryanwrites tag

But you're asking for infodumping so!!! Imma infodump MORE >:3c

(this is in addition to the post I linked- you might want to read said post before, to have more context)

⚙ Backstory stuff

Despite being born in Old Corona, Aiden spent half of their childhood in another village even farther away from the capital. This village is run by a small saporian community and was mostly filled with travelers so people tended to come and go, lots of witches came by looking to seal their power to pass as human. So Aiden and their parents were easily welcomed there.

When Aiden was a child, the local Grandma (Aiden never learnt her name- she was just referred by everyone as Grandma) used to play with Aiden's hair a lot while she told stories. Aiden avoided cutting their hair for her, and even after her death they still refused to cut it.

Said Grandma was the village's healer and quickly became Aiden's role model. She was the first person to mentor Aiden in their quest to become a physician.

Aiden's second mentor is the current royal physician, the only one who didn't leave when the Queen got sick and no one could find a cure. Both of Aiden's mentor were/are unhinged and definetly shouldn't be trusted to teach children but that's why I love them.

Aiden is very not normal about human bodies. Both because of autism and the way their mentors educated them about it. Aiden is pretty desentisized about stuff most people would find gross.

⚙ Aiden's relationship with other characters

Aiden has a pretty good relationship with their parents. They're very loving people but a tad overprotective, it kinda made Aiden avoid talking to them about big problems because he was scared to worry them more than necessary, but overall they all love and care for each others. Aiden is just terrible at understanding and communicating his own needs.

They have many friends within the castle since they've been working here for a while now. They're also known outside of the capital since his mentor sometimes send them away, either on errand or to take care of villages without doctors.

Aiden isn't close to the main cast of tts, beside Varian. He respects and admires most of them but he doesn't consider them friends since he never really got interested in getting closer to them. They do know they can count on him when any of them gets hurt or sick, it's his job after all.

Aiden has a bestie- his name is Daniel, he's the son of the merchants proccuring most herbs for the physicians, and is currently part of the royal guards. He isn't a very fun person but Aiden enjoys how down to earth he can be.

⚙ random stuff

During the series Aiden went through like... 4 different leg prosthesis in one year because people (bad guy of the season) kept on breaking it. (I'll admit it was my go-to excuse as to why Aiden doesn't appear in canon. They're always off screen doing random things or laying on the floor stuck somewhere 😔)

They're very sensitive to temperatures since the Storm that made them lose their leg.

Aiden's magic got sealed by a tattoo on their back when they were very young, so as they grew up the tattoo got deformed and the seal weakened. Their extended family is the ones completely getting rid of it- by removing part of the skin. Hopefully for Aiden he was under hypnosis when that happens and he has no memories of it whatsoever. Varian is the one who found out about it and it made him really mad.

So you know Venefica's magic is linked to mind control. And Aiden caught feelings for Varian long before he caught feelings for them himself. Varian is very obvious about his feelings, yet Aiden doesn't acknowledge it at all. That's because they're somehow convinced Varian's feelings aren't genuine and is caused by their own magic they never learnt to control.

I mentioned witches cannot break promises so they avoid doing any, since it can easily end badly for them. Aiden (so far) made 2 : one to Quirin and one to Donella. The first one lowkey resulted in the loss of their leg. The second brought distrust between them and Varian. So yeah. Promises bad.

The only reason Hugo is allowed to call them Hobble is because he helped a lot with their prosthesis and still does

⚙ shipping stuff

At this point if you don't know I ship Aiden with both Varian and Hugo then-.. Idk how you escaped all my posting about them but I admire that, this is impressive. Anyway-

I wanted to try doing an actual love triangle so when each of them catch feelings it starts with : Aiden -> Hugo ; Hugo -> Varian ; Varian -> Aiden. Then things just... happen and at some point they all have feelings for both of the other and they are struggling to figure out what to do about it.

The first two to get into a relationship are Aiden and Hugo, but it's not really romantic, they're just having fun. Hugo quickly understood Varian was the team leader but the boy kept Aiden in high regard, so getting Aiden on his side would eventually bring Varian to it too. Aiden is very aware of it and is fine with it as long as Hugo isn't actively trying to get them hurt.

I have.. the worst love triangle dynamic chart ever :

I don't even know if its readable to others but oh well-

Anyway. I think that's enough! If any question rises I'll love to asnwer them! About Aiden or other ocs or timeline stuff- or aus- anything is fine

[mewnia]

wait whys tales sunday ending? not trying to pressure u into drawing or anything, but did i miss an announcement about it or something? ive loved seeing ur art and reblogs for it :D

No worries! I kinda figured with all the new followers I've been getting lately that I would get asked this question! I can't find my initial announcement which means I probably had a "delete later" tag on it so really I can't blame anyone for not knowing

In this post over here someone was wondering about my OC's, which is the only post I can find where I followed up with the whole "Tales of Sunday has limited time left."

Why Tales of Sunday is over:

I'm tired, it's been a whole year, haha! The reason I initially started Tales of Sunday was because I had noticed I barely if at all posted any content of the Tales series during my last year of college. (Which was understandable, I was very busy and thinking about other things) So, Tales of Sunday was a way for me to make up for that and give me a small challenge each week.

It was also a great way to play around with my style! You've probably noticed, but my Tales of Sunday posts have gotten a lot better in terms of quality compared to the first half. I was getting better at drawing, that's all :P it's a really good exercise, I highly recommend it to others to try and draw something in less than 2 hours. (most drawings took 90 minutes tops)

Another thing was, when I was about halfway into drawing for Tales of Sunday, I had a realization. "There's no stated end to this." I like to tell people when exactly to stop expecting something. This is just coming from me personally, as someone who has been excited for things from other creators and one day they switch on a dime with no warning. Sometimes people follow you for specific content and drop you when you stop. It's fine, they shouldn't feel bad about it, I do the same thing. A year seemed like both a long and short enough deadline :P

This one's more of a smaller reason, but there was less interaction as time went on. The only asks I was getting were character requests, and.. I love the Tales fandom. But a lot of people, when requests open, get very... entitled. I made announcements towards the beginning asking for requests, and, unfortunately, when I would draw a request I would get a spam from what I could only assume was the same person asking for the same character over and over. Or even a "not this character this week? :(" or any ask that would raise a red flag in my head. I was hoping Tales of Sunday would help inspire discussions, interactions, and even others to join if they wanted! It didn't, really, but that's life sometimes. I'm not heartbroken. It wasn't going how I expected, so I grabbed the first few requests that caught my attention and scattered them through future entries. I even kinda.. stopped putting the ask in the drawing. I noticed it wouldn't bring up the post in the search option if I did that.

So there you go! It was still a lot of fun, I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed drawing Tales characters I wasn't used to. The self-indulgence part of it was also very refreshing :3 Thank you to all who supported me throughout!

And hey! I drew 44 entries!

[lunar-soldier]

O Sol E A Lua (a moonknight x reader fanfic)

(The future chapters for this fanfic shall be posted via wattpad and AO3, but I wanted to give the tumblr people a taste of the first chapter on here!)

(Also, two things:

>I write very spaced out, mainly because it’s easier for me to process while reading. if you don’t enjoy reading fanfics in that style, this will NOT be for you

>this fanfic will include ALL alters, not just one, so keep that in mind!

Other than that, enjoy! :-) )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You fiddled with the ring on your finger while looking out the window. The sound of chattering kids on the bus had caused you to space out, so you we're occupying yourself with your own thoughts once again. If past you had seen current you, they would be laughing at how silly your whole situation was at this moment. You, a previous military soldier, now watching over a bunch of kids on a field trip to the museum? You were definitely too overqualified for this job. However, your mother had insisted you volunteer for this to watch over your youngest sibling. You don't know if she had noticed you distancing yourself from everyone again, or if she saw this as a prime opportunity to have you and your little brother bond, but both were completely in the realm of possibility. After all, she knew how this month was hard for you.

It was the month he died.

A loud hiss snapped you out of your trance-like thoughts as you realized you had made it to your destination. Once the last kid had walked out, you quickly followed behind as you helped guide the kids up the stairs to the looming building ahead. It was huge, you had never seen a museum as expansive up close before. Hell, you hadn't seen the inside of a museum at ALL, save for watching the Night at the Museum franchise, but you highly doubted you would see any little cowboys or Roman soldiers in here. As far as you knew, this place specialized in some ancient civilization or another, but you forgot which one they-

Oh

Towering pillars with various drawings and a few ancient sarcophagus remnants hinted at the theme of the whole place. Ancient Egypt. You knew that you were going to some art museum, but it seems they currently had some Egyptian exhibit going on. Fate had some sick sense of humor, considering how his last mission was related to such ruins. And of all the months too, it had to be this one.

A sheet of ice coated over your heart as you continued through the tour with the rest of the children. It's just for an hour, you could survive this!! Adjusting your blue jean button up, you walk past a brightly lit gift shop, noticing a couple of people in your peripheral.

"...looks like another school is comin' in today! Aww, don't they look cute Donna?"

"Steve, if I wanted to spend my time at work watching some kids, I'd be a stay at home mom. Just keep tagging those plushies, please!"

You paid no mind to the conversation from the gift shop, maybe once you cleared your head you could stop by, but your main goal was to stop yourself from crying in front of everyone.

.

.

"...it is said that Hathor was not only the goddess of love, but also music!"

Ok yeah, this was getting very boring

After about 45 minutes of chatter about things that you had almost no interest about, you decided to actually take a peak at the gift shop. With no one in sight as you walked in, you wondered if everyone from earlier had went to lunch? Never the less, you gazed at all of the cheap Knick Knacks and plushies. God, these were all way too cheaply made for WAY too high a price.

Fossil digging kits, gem stone creation kits...slime kits? How is any of this actually history related?

However, one little thing did catch your eye.

It was a small pair of earrings, that had a circle with a line along the bottom, and both shapes being wrapped together with another small piece of metal.  You assumed it had to be some type of god's symbol, or even some symbol of death or whatever, but again, Egyptian mythos was NEVER one of your strong suits. You were more of a Norse and Roman mythology person yourself.

But no matter, it was cute, way too expensive, and would mark the day you actually braved through an entire exhibit that reminded you of nothing but your previous heartbreak. If that was something to even commemorate.

As you walked up to the counter, still not a soul in sight, you began fiddling with the other toys around the check out stand. One thing in particular was this wooden popping rifle, which reminded you of your old military days. you pretended to fight off swarms of enemies, popping the gun every now and again, when some footsteps from behind caused you to swing your whole body around.

Including the toy gun.

"He-OW!"

As the victim of your swing covered their now injured face, you dropped the toy to tend to their wound

"OHMYGOD I am SO sorry!-"

"Nonono! It's ok I shouldn't have scared you-"

"No I shouldn't have been playing with that stupid toy-"

"I-it's fine, really! It's just my nose, no biggie!!"

As the male figure revealed his face, you had to take a second to realize who was standing in front of you.

It was a man, who wore clothing that almost seemed too big for him, maybe hand-me-downs? He had black curly hair, much too ruffled for it to even seem slightly professional-

And the exact face of your old friend.

Too stunned to speak, you stared at the man as he awkwardly cleaned himself up as best as possible, before giving you a smile, a bandaid now covering his nose

"See? All better! Just a wee little mark, ill get by!"

This man sounded nothing like the man you knew, but had, seemingly, the same exact face? What kind of shit day is this?

"N-names Steven by the way! Friends call me Steve. Or, well, more like my boss does. Everyone else just calls me ol' Steven!"

This man was also WAY too dorky to be him too

"Hey, a-are you ok? I didn't mean to scare you, honest!"

Shaking you out of your thoughts, you give a polite smile anyway.

"Nono, your ok!! You just...look so familiar? But it's probably just my bad memory gettin' to me."

"Oh!" Steven remarked, a sigh of relief escaping him. Had he really been anxious about upsetting you, even though YOU hit HIM in the face?

"I actually get that a lot. Many people say I got the strikin' resemblance to a celebrity or two! Mainly my mum, but I still get it every now and again!"

Looking down, the man's face lit up at seeing the little trinket you had in your hands.

"OH!! You're gettin' some Shen Ring earrings?? That's actually a very fascinating symbol! In many cases it was used as a symbol of protection, so it's very fitting to wear it on some jewelry!"

This caused you to raise an eyebrow

"You actually know about this kind of stuff?"

"W-well ya! I love Ancient Egypt. I actually originally applied to be a guide through the museum's Egyptian section, However they told me the only space open was in the gift shop."

"Sooo they thought you weren't qualified?"

"I'mean, I doubt it was because of that," he clarified, clearing his throat a little. "but I wouldn't give it up for the world though! Being close to what I love makes me so happy, and I love the people who come through here!"

Seeing someone gush about something the way he was was almost adorable. Most people you've met absolutely HATE their jobs, so seeing someone so invested was almost...refreshing? Even if it wasn't something you were passionate about, It made you happy seeing someone so invested.

Running his thumb over the earrings, he then snapped himself out of his own trance

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hold you up so long! Here, I'll check you out over here!"

Walking over to the counter, a familiar beep summoned the total onto the screen.

"You know, I'd actually be interested in learning about Egyptian facts."

This response from you made Steven's face beam

"Really?"

"I mean yeah. I've never met someone so invested about this stuff in person. Plus I want to go to Egypt one day-" a lie. "So maybe, you could...teach me?"

Growing a grin from ear to ear, he excitedly shook his head in agreement.

"Yeahyeah!! I-I would love that actually! I've never met someone ACTUALLY interested in learning about it, it would be such an honor!"

"Sweet! When are you usually here?"

"Oh, all the time!"

"You work...every day?"

"Oh-well-not really! I have one day usually, but it goes by so fast I can barely remember those days, so it feels like I'm here every day, haha!"

That was a really weird response, but you decide to push that worry to the side. Fuck, maybe he was just scared that his boss was around and didn't want to get fired for "gossiping" about his job.

"Well ok then! I'll come by tomorrow then. Oh, what kinda coffee do you like?"

The response took Steven back as he furiously shook his head

"Ohnono, you don't have to! I really don't need a coffee-"

"Nonsense! You're here all the time! There has to be something you like!"

He pondered the question hard.

"Well...I really enjoy a good chai latte?"

"Perfect, a Chai latte will greet you first thing tomorrow then!"

As soon as you said that, the group of kids you had walked in with began walking to the busses

"Oh shit. I gotta bounce. But hey! I'm free tomorrow, so I'll see you then!"

Steven nodded as you put the earrings in your pocket, waving you goodbye before he got startled from being yelled by his boss from the back room.

.

.

What made you think this was a good idea?! You DON'T like Egypt, why would you agree to that! This was stupid, YOU are stupid!

Deep down, you knew the reason why you even decided to interact with the man. But you felt...guilty? Did he look like your old crush? Yes. Did he bring back all those old memories you thought you buried in the depths of your brain? Also yes.

But he was 100% different, you were certain. He was timid, shy, but also would not stop talking about something he was passionate about. He was never like that, for as long as you knew him.

Walking back to your apartment, you clicked on the old vintage lamp in the corner of your room, sighing before flopping onto your couch. On the coffee table, a small picture lay upside down, the back reading:

Spector and(L/N). Circa 2010

Always together, never apart

Maybe in distance, but never in heart.

"Ugh, forgot to put that cheesy shit away..."

Shoving the old picture into the side table drawer, you turned on the tv and poured yourself a strong drink.

"Things have to change, and me along with it. I can't keep being stuck like this."

You glanced at the earrings you had placed down.

"...maybe this will be for the better?"

[ennaku-sirri-da]

ALL I KNOW IS THAT THE ENDS BEGINNING

[ Plaintext: All I know is that the ends beginning ]

[ ID: Digital fanart of Dr.Habit from the game Smile For Me. It is done mostly in grayscale. The style is semi realistic leaning more on cartoony. The faint rough sketch lines are visible.

However his design is from my AU Roseverse. The changes are as follows. Habit is is fur covered. His face is gaunt and freckled with protruding furry cheeks, then fur-ruffles under his makeup-applied eyes, then a thin pencil stache with surrounding chin and neck hair. The middle of the neck is surrounded by a scar, and he has an Adams apple. His teeth are broken, uneven and he has one snaggletooth fang. His voluminous curly hair is more subdued and messed up, but he is clearly balding on one side too with stray hairs perking up.

The background is black with a very mild grey light at the centre, and covered over with static. In the centre is a bust of Habit till his freckled shoulders. He is done in mostly light grey tones, face is left in white with some blurry, sometimes splotchy, uneven shading. The dark grey is used for emphasized features of the face and contrast like eyes and beard. There is some blurring of the lines in various places. Habit has an expression of anger and sorrow combined, his wrinkled brow furrowing deep as his glass eyes crack and oil spills in long lines from them akin to tears. He scowls strongly and his eyes are narrowed. His head slightly tilts at the viewer, facing front.

White text written in a sort of cursive style above him reads, " And one night I realized". The text below him reads," I never had a choice. I'd have to give years for something I don't really care about "

At the very bottom of the drawing a small, widely round-surfaced candle burns with a small flame out of the darkness. It is a real picture edited in. End ID]

--

Talk under the cut! This one's really personal. It's based on my experience, and was done during the same time. TW for very heavy topics, please heed the tags

These are the very words in a message I sent a friend:

"God dude it just keeps weighing on me that I have to give five years for something I dont really care about and very well much more

Realising how my chronic insecurity and constant abuse by my parents and loss of identity and them never supporting my interests at all is all correlated to trapping me in this golden cage

I wished I failed NEET

But then what could I have done to change it? Nothing in my life ever indicated strongly that the stream of Arts was a real viable option I should take. Except maybe like a few English teachers but they couldn't break my mindset

It's like I was fucking doomed from the day I was born to them to be unhappy

And now I have to work and work to be exactly what they want they wanted me to be all along

I cant take it I feel like ive been buried alive"

It was HORRIBLE. I went only for a few days to medical school, but every day I felt like dying. I really seriously wanted to kill myself. I have many times before, but this time the special dread of finality set in again like Judgement Day. I came home, the portion kept building and building, the teachers kept talking, the students kept talking and laughing, the building kept making me get lost, my family could only encourage me more, I couldn't take ANY of it. I HATED them. I HATED this WORLD. This cruel world. I cried until my eyes and heart ran dry when no one could see. I cried until I became nothing more than a hole in my chest and I called the suicide hotline and they couldn't help me.

And you know what? I fucking survived.

I'm here, bitch. I'm here and I'm breathing and I'm happy and I'm going to the stream I wanted, B.A English. I don't care if one more person has to be bewildered that I left MBBS. My precious life is more important than that.

It was like a miracle. I think God is on my side, for some confounding reason. There was a court case involving my seat for another student's, and I heard about the news right on the day I'd decided to "leave". I'd made plans and said goodbyes and everything. And there I heard it. Leaving school, hearing my aunt tell me, like a golden ray of light from heaven. Of course I jumped on the opportunity. No, don't fight for my seat. I've been very unhappy and in a dark mood. This is not what I want to do in life. I told my father this, and he surprisingly agreed. With his support I could be a little calmer about everyone else arguing with me not to do it. For once right now he did something right.

What can I say? I got admitted to an Arts college just yesterday. And this still evening felt like a fitting time to pull this out again and post it. Reminisce. On where I was and where I am now. Be thankful that the end began, but only the end of my old life and the beginning of a new one.

Thank you to every single stranger, friend and family member who was kind to me during this time. To that one fanfic creator who told me to hang in there, to my dear friend who heard out all my deathly woes day by day and held me tight in spirit, to my family who eventually came to support me and say I could do what I wanted(even if it was a hard process).

I will never forget that kindness. And now as I grow up into the world, and hopefully do what I want to do, I hope I can show the same kindness,

And I hope I will be happy.

[hypnoticwinter]

What I learned from commissioning art

It may surprise some of you reading this, but this is actually a writing blog. I know I do a very good impression of being an art blog most of the time, but I actually made this blog three years ago (what the fuck) to host my novel set in the Mystery Flesh Pit, Down the Rabbit Hole.

It's no secret, though, that I'm a lover of art. I've always been a writer first and foremost, but I decided a long time ago that if I could go back and do things over again, I would have much preferred to be some kind of visual artist rather than a writer.

I know, I know, just learn to draw. The trouble with that is that while I'm certain I could learn to draw at a pretty competent level if I put everything else aside and worked at it, I have a significant disadvantage in that I have very good taste in art; or, to be less snotty, I have a very defined taste in art.

Taste is a great asset to any creative, but it becomes a curse when you haven't yet learned a medium, because it artificially inflates your standards for your own work at the time when you need that the least. When you're learning, you need to be able to accept that the things you create are going to be garbage, but that each one is going to bring you incrementally closer to meeting your ideal for what you're trying to create. Your standards need to be rock-bottom, essentially, and gradually raise as you go on as your skill permits. I remember, sometimes, the decade or so it took me to really master writing to the degree I have already, and even now there are still things I have to work on.

I never really planned on commissioning any art for basically any reason. The first time I did, I was about 75% done with my first novel. It had been a very intense and emotional experience for me, not least because I had never really believed I would be able to write a novel and have it turn out decent, and by that time, about 150k words deep in the story, I was starting to realize that I was actually doing a good job.

I was looking through the art tag on here one day and one particular post caught my eye and I looked through basically the artist's entire blog and followed her, and then I saw that she did commissions, and I thought that I might as well get one as something special to commemorate my first novel. Just a little drawing of the main characters standing side by side, like a cast photo.

Well, in the three years since then, and the two novels I've written since then, I went a little overboard. In my defense (and in fairness, I don't have to justify it, I can spend my money on whatever I want), there is something really, really enchanting about this artist's artstyle that keeps me coming back again and again. It's definitely a taste thing, cause I know on an objective level that it isn't perfect art or anything. In every drawing I get from her I can sit down and, if I look at it long enough, I can probably pick it apart even from my untrained perspective, whether it's something about proportions or perspective or a broader compositional issue or whatever.

And I don't mean that in any kind of disparaging way or anything, it just is what it is. In a way, I think I appreciate that more than anything else; it shows a certain kind of authenticity that I think sometimes ends up missing when you go on the higher level of commissioned art and you're shelling out thousands of dollars for an end product that's as objectively perfect as it's possible for art to be. There's an attraction for that too, and I get it, but when I see a drawing come in from her that I paid sixty bucks for and I see something like a quickly-painted background, or maybe some awkwardness in the way a character is standing, or maybe some vague perspective issue if I've asked for a particularly weird angle, I find it so much more charming than something with zero flaws on a compositional level.

That's a taste thing, of course, and I imagine it might irk some people, seeing issues like that. And of course the more cynical response might be 'you get what you pay for' and pointing out that it might show a lack of care or laziness or whatever, but even if that was the motivation, that she noticed but didn't care to fix that perspective issue or that awkward pose, isn't it more important what my perception of it is? I'm the client, after all.

But the title of this little essay is 'what I learned from commissioning art,' and by this point, if you've bothered to read this far, you might be wondering what exactly it is I've learned. All I've said so far is that this artist's style really speaks to me, to such a degree that I interpret the flaws in her art as being charming rather than defects. No, what I learned is actually that I am a very lonely and very sentimental person, maybe to a detrimental degree, and more so than I thought I was. It's hard not to know if you're a lonely person, and I've always been given to solitude, but sometimes it comes through a little more strongly.

You see, when I got that first commission back from her, three years ago, there was something so utterly magical about seeing those characters transformed from images in my head and the words I'd written on the page into an actual artwork depicting them that I really couldn't get enough of it for a while. I still can't, really; even as I write this I'm in the middle of another cycle of commissions with her, and the feeling seeing the images and scenarios from my imagination transformed into reality, even to such a tiny and inconsequential degree as this, is still so wonderful to me that I constantly try to find ways to thank her, to impress on her how much it means to me that we've cultivated this working relationship for the past three years.

And that's the issue, isn't it, because what it is is a working relationship. And while I do believe all relationships are transactional to a greater or lesser degree, the most transactional are financial relationships, the relationship of the client and the producer, and that's what this is. I hold no illusions that if I were suddenly unable to pay for the work I ask her for that she'd continue drawing for me out of the goodness of her heart. Nor should she; we aren't friends, although we're certainly cordial with each other, but after three years working together, who wouldn't be?

Maturity is a weird thing. I'm almost 30 and I'm still able to look back on myself every year and see how much I've grown since then, reflect on my relative immaturity, marvel, in some ways, at how different my perspective is.

I've given this woman gifts in the past. Cash gifts, probably the least meaningful gifts there can be, but she lives in Spain and I live in the US and shipping something more meaningful to her would be out of the question - mostly because that's a step too far for a working relationship. But now, looking back at the last three years and how much I've grown in that time, I realize that these gifts were not me saying thank you for a job well done, or something perfunctory at a major holiday like Christmas or whatever, what I meant when I gave her these gifts was instead 'this is how much what you do means to me.' Not in a monetary sense, of course, but in the sense that 'I as a client am willing to give you not inconsiderable amounts of money for no reason, just because you have always been there and willing to work for me in the past.' In the sense that 'the things you've created for me mean more to me than I can professionally express and retain any kind of dignity.'

I can't imagine how these gifts and how the various overtures I've made at different times trying to explain even a small, restrained hint at this feeling must have come across to her. I can only hope that, at the very least, she thinks of me charitably as being somewhat eccentric but well-meaning.

This too is the nature of a professional relationship, especially of this type; I am the replaceable one, she isn't. If I were to disappear, she would still have plenty of people to pay for her work, although in truth I don't know if she has any customers as consistent as I am. But if she were to disappear, I don't know that I'd be able to replace her, or that I'd want to.

But this is as it should be. And all I can hope is that she understands in some small way what it means to me when I do see the work from her come in, and I see what she's done with the prompts I've given her, and I hope she knows that when I tell her I like the colors, or that it looks gorgeous, or that I imagined it so differently but I love how it turned out, that I mean that she is, unexpectedly, a large part of my life, that I look at these images again and again at times, thinking of the thoughts that had originally made me want to see them outside of the confines of my own mind, that without her and her work and the lubrication of this professional relationship, I would probably be living a life that's a little duller and sadder. Not a lot, but a little, and she saves me from that.

But this is dramatic and far too personal for me to ever say to her, not directly, not if I want to maintain the illusion that I am as detached as she can sometimes appear to be, that this is nothing more than a professional relationship and that I am playing the role of the satisfied customer to her quiet efficiency.

And this is as it should be.

But inwardly, although I'll never say it to her, every time I ask her for something new and we agree on a price and I make the paypal transaction, my heart burns to ask along with it, 'does this mean as much to you as it does to me?' even knowing that the answer cannot possibly be yes, because to be lonely is to hope, to hope beyond all reason that the few contacts you have with other people, with other lives, burn as brightly to them as they do to you.

[aewrie]

i started rambling in tags there but actually i'll just make a separate post bc i have a lot of thoughts. readmore bc long, cw mentioned csa, harassment, etc

there's a world of difference between minors exploring sexual topics at their own pace in neutral/educational contexts etc, and being unwillingly exposed to sexual topics in ways meant to shock/disturb/harass/groom

i have been a minor in both of these situations. amazingly enough only the instances where my consent/boundaries were ignored ever bothered me, who would have thought!

the first book i read that had a sexually explicit scene was the clan of the cave bear (heavy cw for csa if you plan to read/look it up). i was 13 iirc. i did not know it contained such a scene, but going forward with the series, i quickly realized there would be a lot of sex. i read the whole thing before turning 18.

in general, i was given pretty free reign with the media i engaged with. zero adult supervision with my library habits. i learned what my limits were, i learned to pace myself as needed, i learned to curate my media intake. this was far more useful than someone filtering all my books for 'bad' content with no input from me would have been.

i started drawing/writing sexual things of my own in my preteens or soon after. it got fairly explicit fairly fast. i didn't share any of it with anyone, it was just for me, but i did draw and write these things as a outlet for the thoughts and feelings i was having.

i find this much preferable to what several of my peers were doing, which was having unsafe sex with each other and/or unsafe people. there were a few who were drinking around at 15ish, which means there was/were sketchy adult(s) providing alcohol, and who knows what else. at least one of the girl got pregnant. (worth noting that teen pregnancies are very rare here)

me reading spicy books or secretly drawing sex did not traumatize me. wouldn't be so sure about those former classmates.

also, in the context of that post showing a sign/disclaimer that is at an art gallery, i must mention that this not a one off situation. once i went to an exhibit (on an art school trip) dedicated to selfies. there was a section for nudes/sexual selfies. it was a somewhat separate corner of the exhibit, walled off but with open doorways so you could easily see inside. there was only a simple sign noting that there was sexual content in there, but no one stood there to check who went in. no ids were asked when we arrived to the gallery. all of us minus the teacher were in our late teens; some might have been minors, idk. just. your own call if you went in or skipped that section, that's it.

minors still should steer clear of specifically 18+ spaces/communities and such. it's not safe or educational or anything. a teen secretly & privately looking at something illicit vs engaging in sexual and/or kinky interactions/communities are extremely different. something like a strip club or a kink dungeon is strictly adults only for a reason. online, minors posting heavily suggestive material is extremely not good even if technically not adult content. there's some wiggle room in things appropriate for teens but not younger kids, i know i started sharing occasional mild nsfw art at around 15, but it was specifically in general art communities, not sexual/kink communities. social media makes that distinction tricky if it is there at all.

(tho i must admit, seeing what i intended as a sweet tender moment between my ocs to end up in someone's pregnancy fetish collection on deviantart was certainly a lesson to be learned about how people engage with things online. i was weirded out but shrugged it off since the person wasn't otherwise interacting with me or anything & it was ultimately harmless, and i've kept on doing that ever since. highly recommend!)

but. "nsfw spaces for minors"? (yikes) "sfw kink" communities open for minors? (for the love of fuck no)- you mean places designed for grooming. creeps will lie about their ages and motivations.

when and how and why and with whom matters so much when it comes to minors and sexual topics.

also i saw one person in the notes there going on about how you shouldn't tell kids what porn is until they're teens bc porn is traumatizing. fuck off with that

one thing mom did 100% right was explaining that porn is unrealistic make belief for adults that i shouldn't take seriously or try to mimic before i even knew what porn was & only had a rough understanding of sex.

that's how you prevent porn from messing with kid's perception of sex & reduce related trauma. you EDUCATE, and do it BEFORE the exposure happens. if you only teach about sex related things when they become "topical" there's a good change you're already too late. signed, more than one lesson came too late for me. fun things to learn in your-20s, yay

parents/teachers should go forward with the assumption that one way or another, minors will be exposed to sexual things, through their own curiosity, trough harassment/abuse, through peers wanting to shock them/gross them out, by pure chance/on accident, whatever it might be, and give them the tools and spaces to process what weird feelings or upset might come. pretending porn doesn't exist and demonizing sex all but guarantees issues and trauma.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Tag Game Thing

ayyyye another one (but not one from when I was drifting in the timeless void of Conceptually Tuesday), got tagged by @chthonicsiren , gonna tag @melthedwarf because I can >:) (edit: tagged the wrong person first cuz tumblr autofilled the url, sorry!)

1: Are you named after anyone? Yes! My birth name/not-quite-deadname is a tribute to my ma's maiden name. Without saying what either are, I'll just say that her maiden name followed a patronymic format (ex: Johnson), and my birth name is one of the feminine variants/related named (ex: Johanna?). My chosen name, Jordan Van Daalen, is a fun one! My friend and I were in drama class together, and were paired up for an assignment where we had to write a short script (we were given random phrases to start and end the scene with). We're both Huge Fucking Nerds, so we went Overboard, basically fleshing out both of our characters (and then we napped on each other). Jordan Van Daalen was what a random name generator gave me for my character. Less than a year later I realized I am some sort of non-binary, and decided to use that lil name as my future name, as well as eventual pen name :D

2: When was the last time you cried? Uh. Okay, so, like... sometimes when I'm really tired but can't sleep, I'll start improvising a little song? Just, like, whisper singing to myself? And it usually ends up being an emotional ballad about old traumas (or, you know, stuff from whatever media I've been binging)? also when I yawn my eyes water a tiny bit? so what I'm saying is that every time I can't sleep and end up singing dumb little songs, I end up crying. how often does that happen, you ask? well, buddy, I picked this url for a good reason. (it was probably yesterday)

3:Do you have kids? Does being the oldest in the friend group (and also being the dad friend) count? because I am the Father of some of these gremlins. no? oh. well, I am going to an auncle/ent soon, so that's close enough :D

4: Do you use sarcasm a lot? Depends on my mood? I'm less sarcastic than my brother, but definitely more sarcastic than either of my parents. I know that means nothing to any of you, but hey, that's my answer.

5: What's the first thing you notice about people? Uhhhhhhh if they give off gay vibes asdfghjkl; Honestly it varies, which I feel like is a given? I look for things that stand out- colored hair, piercings, if they have any jewelry, etc.

6: What color are your eyes? Okay, well, my ID says hazel, I used to describe it as "hazel green/green hazel", and I think a poet might describe my eyes as something like "sea foam green around sandy brown". However, a Certified Dick could just as easily call my eyes "snot green with a pinch of yellow". Could also just shrug and go "muddy green?". except in some lightings the "green" part seems like it might be vaguely blue, and I have been slowly driving myself insane trying to figure out a consistent color palette I can use when drawing self portraits/inserts because I can't get a decent pic of my eye to use a reference and I'm too awkward to ask someone (with less shaky hands) to do it for me. anyway, I spent ten minutes drawing what is arguably the best attempt I've ever made at making an accurate portrayal of my eye color:

7: Scary movies or happy endings? Generally speaking I prefer happy endings, but it feels weird to separate that from scary movies. However, I don't tend to watch many genuinely scary movies? I like horror comedies. I also very much enjoy watching shitty/low quality horror movies and roasting the fuck out of 'em. Humor is part of how I cope with actual scary movies/games too, though. That and pretending to try and scare the monsters :3 running through the scary dark hallway going "a-boogily-boogily-boo!" and rapidly snapping the camera from side to side like I'm jumping out at people. the monster goes rawr? I SAY IT LOUDER

8: Any special talents? I mean, I think most folks who follow me on here know that I've got a bit of talent in several types of art/creativity (music and writing are probably my big two)? But I can also beatbox a little, my arms are weirdly flexible (possible double-jointed at the shoulders?), and I am surprisingly good at picking things up/throwing them with my feet. That last one is 50% for throwing dog toys and 50% for picking up small things I dropped when I don't want to bend over. Weird? Yes. A talent? Probably not.

9: Where were you born? I think I was born in Seattle, WA, USA. It was definitely in the Seattle area, it just might have technically been a neighboring city.

10: What are your hobbies? Other than the aforementioned artsy shit, I play a lot of video games, in a variety of genres. My favorites are probably the Mass Effect series, Fallout: New Vegas, Persona 5: Royal, Horizon: Zero Dawn, and Spider-Man PS4. I need you to know how difficult it was for me to not list over a dozen games. Please understand. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD GAMES FUCK. Also, idk if it super counts as a hobby in other people's minds, but I love LEGOs! My room is filled with them :D

11: Have you any pets? None that are, like, fully legally mine. My household has a dog, Bella, but I am unfortunately her least favorite. She loves letting me give her chin scritches first thing in the morning though :')

12: What sports do you play/have you played? KENDO, BITCHES. GET SMACKED WITH BAMBOO

13: How tall are you? Soooooo tall. Massive. Giant. A true, genuine image of a Viking Warrior.. ... ..... in other words I'm 5 feet and 3.5 inches. the .5 is incredibly important to me. On a good day with boots I can almost pass off as 5'5" tho, soooooo. I'm also built like a shit brickhouse (yes I know that's not the correct saying), so at least tall people can't throw me (I throw them)

14: Favorite subject in school? Three-way tie between English/Language Arts, Drama/Theatre, and Art class!

15: Dream job? Writer, artist, all around generally a Professional Nuisance. Maybe taking the place of a forgotten, half-dead God at a lonely shrine, slowly restoring it until it's something worth remembering, eagerly having unforgettable conversations with the rare passerby, never gaining enough fame or worship to have any real power over the world. Just enough to be a face that lingers in your memories, in your dreams, the little voice you hear when you need it most.