#I realise that it's not clear but Moon was being controlled by the egg at that one point because it was really hungry

[van-iira]

Moon liked his job as a butler.

Some would think otherwise given the way that he is treated, but that was false. The way Sir Billiam spoke and acted was notably different between public and private. Lashes would actually mean stern conversations, weeks without food would mean a mild slap of the wrist etc. Moon had realised that his master did this for appearances, the way he was treated appeared to be the same as how the other rich people treat their 'help', so his master simply did the same.

Sir Billiam also appeared to be rather... inept when it came to emotions. He snapped at his butler to not make eye contact even when he didn't initiate it because he knew it made him uncomfortable. He pointedly ignored it when his butler would nab a few gold bars from their guests. Sometimes, after long days, he will find a roll of bandages next to his bed in the small room in the mansion he slept in. When Moon did what was deemed a good job he sort of just... stared at him for a while before snapping his head away and briskly walking off. Moon was aware that his master seemed to think he didn't notice, so he acted as if that is true.

Sir Billiam was also the one who taught Moon how to read. The first time he asked, a few years younger and even more shy, his master looked at him like what he was asking was ridiculous. Then Moon would casually bring it up again, at least a week later, and he would get a similar response. This carried on for a few months until Sir Billiam caved.

One day Moon was summoned to the library, alone, and he was wholly terrified. Despite the fact that none of the staff was ever truly beaten their master was a terrifying man in presence alone. When Moon had arrived he was instructed to lock the door and sit at a table, both of which he did with shaking hands. Once both tasks were completed the two sat in tense silence for a long moment before a book that had been open on the table was turned and pushed towards Moon. He was of course puzzled, given that he had no idea what the book said, and looked up at his master in confusion. The older man let out a tired sigh and stated that 'If you really don't want to learn just leave'. Moon was stunned for a moment before giving a bright smile and shaking his head, saying that he really wanted to learn and that he will try his hardest! In his excitement Moon didn't hear the amused, almost fond, sigh given by his master.

Moon liked to believe he was close to their master, given that he had been his personal butler for a long time. Because of this, along with the fact that the mansion was quite the pleasant place to live, he continued to stay even after the number of staff started to dwindle. Some would run away whilst others just quit. It got to a point that only himself and Hubert, a fellow butler, remained. The two grew close in the emptiness of the mansion, almost like brothers.

Which is why Moon was so distraught when he couldn't find his friend.

He brought it up with Sir Billium and was met with a slightly strained expression before the man turned away and said that, unfortunately, Hubert had run away. Moon felt a strange guilt that he couldn't quite explain, as if he were at fault for the absence of his coworker, but he stood tall. Moon resolutely stated that he would stay alongside Sir Billiam for as long as he lived and the man, for the first time, cracked a small smile. It was near invisible but Moon was sure that it was there. 

And then a hand reached up to ruffle his hair. It was a soft action, in part due to the fact that Moon had a few inches on his master, but it left the butler frozen. Sir Billiam quickly retracted his hand, muttering out a quiet 'that's good' before turning on his heel and walking out the door. Moon stood in the same spot for a long time before breaking out in a fit of happy giggles; smiling so much it hurt.

///

Billiam walked down the empty halls of his mansion, silently cursing the thrumming in his head that told him that the egg was hungry. He grieved the loss of his staff, annoying as they could be he found it cruel that they had to be subjected to such horrid ends. He hadn't killed a single one of them himself. Instead, he would bring them (sometimes unconscious, sometimes not) to the egg itself and let it slowly consume their bodies. He could tell from the screams that the process was agonising, but he couldn't bring himself to do the deed himself.

And then Billiam heard a scream of pain.

His slow walk quickly evolved into a run and he continued down the hall he heard the noise come from. There was only two other people in the mansion with him, so he could only assume that someone had broken in and in some way harmed one of his butlers. He turned a corner into one of the bedrooms and readied himself to see one of his men harmed, another apprehending the intruder.

What Billiam was instead met with was Hubert's bloodied, lifeless body stabbed through the torso by a netherite blade (where had that thing even come from?) - the figure of Moon looming over it, hands gripped tightly around the handle of the sword. The younger was panting heavily, splattered blood staining his face and clothes (there was so much blood, what was there so much blood?).

Slowly, Moon raised his head and Billiam was met with, instead of soft grey, bright red eyes. He looked maddened, entirely out of his right mind and exhausted, quickly collapsing onto the dead body.

///

"Where's Hubert? I saw him yesterday..."

"He... he ran away."

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

A Touch of Soul Searching (Dark Cream story)

The following is a prequal to ‘The birth of Sun and Moon’ Which is a 3 part story about the birth of my dark cream ship kids.

This takes place in the same universe the dark cream twins Celest and Luna are from, which is separate to @zu-is-here cannon universe. The story splits off somewhere around ‘The price of Happiness’. Any continuity errors should be accepted as being part of a alternative timeline.

Synopsis: The night the twins are conceived. Cross and Dream have currently been enjoying life as an engaged couple, but there are a couple things they are yet to explore about each other. Tonight they take their relationship to a new level.

Original Cross and Dream belong to Jakei95 and Jokublog

Original Shattered Dream belongs to galacii

Based off of darkcream by @zu-is-here

Warning, may contain some suggestive elements, but nothing pushes to far.

"you like that?"

"yeah just there... j-just like that"

"alright... How about this?"

"ah! Ooooh.. Yeah... don't stop"

Cross felt his face heat slightly, as his partner sighed in satisfaction. Saying that this was embarrassing would be a huge understatement. Every movement and every sound Dream made, only caused Cross' bones to colour more, though they had been a vibrant purple ever since Dream had asked him for a back rub. He carefully ran his hands across Shattered's back, concentrating on the shoulder blades and spine.

"y-you.." he stammered, before taking a breath to steady himself "Sure carry a lot of stress in your back huh? I was surprised you still get back pain, since you don't use your tentacles much"

Dream sighed again, "yeah.... I thought my back would stop hurting after I stopped wearing my heels... Guess we were both wrong"

There was a slight wrench in Cross' soul at Dream's words. 

The thought of Dream being in any kind of pain automatically upset him, even if it was as minor as back ache. The golden guardian had only ever wanted to help people, help him. He mentally cursed himself at the thought that it was him who pushed Dream over the edge in the end.

Despite his partner's constant insistence that it hadn't been him, Cross knew that he probably hadn't helped. These days he was just glad to have better emotional control, even if it wasn't perfect.

With another hint of tightness in his chest, Cross decided it was best not to lose focus on his task. His lover had a back ache and that's what massages where for right?

Dream currently lay on his front on their bed with his arms supporting his skull. Cross was sat, straddling him at the top of the back of his legs. He was leaning over him and rubbing his back with his hands.

For the most part, Dream as un aware of how awkward this pose was but Cross knew and was trying hard not to think about it. As cute and sweet as Dream’s innocence was, it could be slightly irritating sometimes.

Most people could probably tell that Cross had some mild....... frustrations. But of course Dream mattered more to him then those. He had long excepted that those kind of things may not ever be a part of their relationship, but everything else Dream offered was more then worth the sacrifice.

He calmed his thoughts and rubbed his hands with more weight against Dream. A few clicks of Dream's bones and another satisfied sigh told him he was doing a good job.

He didn't want to do anything to ruin this moment, it would have taken a lot for Dream to let his guard down enough so that Cross could do this, and he didn't want to break his trust. 

It had been quite a year, but for him and Dream things were looking up, they were feeling closer again.......like before and he was starting to regain hope in the future.  

As Dream felt Cross move his hands up and down his spine again, he smiled to himself. He could feel a slight warmth spread through his bones, it was a strange but good feeling. It wouldn’t last, but he was grateful to feel it anyway. Without realising, he let another sigh leave his mouth. Louder this time.

Cross paused. 'd-dam it.... Keep it together Cross' he told himself.

"Crossy?" Dream said inquisitively "are you alright?"

"......"

"Cross?"

"uhhhhhhh" Cross cleared his throat and went back to rubbing "y-yeah no worries"

Dream smiled again and nuzzled into the pillow beneath him.

"I like it when you touch me" he said softly.

If Cross hadn’t known any better, he’d have thought that Dream was doing this on purpose. But Cross knew that was impossible so he pushed thoughts from his mind and got back to work. He couldn't let his mind drift, he knew where it would drift to and somethings are much better left in a fantasy.

It was around this time Dream started to feel a little sleepy, he couldn't tell if it was due to too much positivity or if he was just relaxed. He felt more safe and at piece then he had in a long time.

However, as all things don’t, this wouldn’t last.

His feelings of peace and contentment where rewarded with a sudden dart of stinging in his soul. Sharp and angry like a snake bite. As a response he grit his teeth and arched his back, tensing his body is if trying to squeeze a poison out..

Cross once again paused and his soul flicked with worry. Yet he didn't say anything as he figured that it was the negative punishing Dream for the positive once again. 

Dream always told him off for making a big deal out of it, as he was always adamant to handle it without help. Though Cross moved his hand a little is a slow circling motion on Dream’s back, in an attempt to comfort and carry his lover though the pain.

After a short while, Shattered's body untensed, and he relaxed himself into the bed sheets with a low groan.

There was silence for a while as he caught his breath.

"..... Do you want me to stop Boss?" came Cross' voice from behind him. The nickname giving Dream a sense of being back in control, even if his soul wouldn't fully let him be.

"uh... No... No its quite alright, please do continue" he said in a slightly pained voice.

Cross sighed, not wanting to press the issue further, and slowly got back to work. As he did, Dream began to feel calm again, even if he couldn't fully ignore the light throbbing from his soul. Either way, his mind start wondering. Most likely to distract from the pain at first.

He started to focus on the feelings. The feeling of Cross' hands for one. Strong, yet gentle. The low hum of his beloved's magical aura. Not something a normal monster could feel, but as an energy being he could sense its comforting buzz from anywhere. It caused him to think about the feeling of Cross being so close.

It felt so amazing to be so close to him and for their bodies to be in contact. He wondered why it had taken so long to get to point such a point of intimacy.

But then he remembered.

They had always taken things much slower then any other couples it seemed to. They'd been together for years now.... But sometimes it didn't feel like it. Why had it taken him so long to let Cross touch him like this?

He pushed himself up onto his for arms, quick as a shot. Cross stopped thinking his soul was acting up again. Dream felt himself shake a small amount. No.... It shouldn't let himself think of stupid things.

"Dream?" Cross asked, and after getting no response, he slipped off of Dream's body and sat on the bed next to him.

"hey...Day Dream what's the matter? I didn't hurt you right? is it your soul?"

Dream shook his head and flopped down onto his face like an angry child. He muttered something into the sheets.

Cross laughed nervously "I uh... Can't hear you when you keep your face pressed into the bed love"

Dream grumbled again and then rolled over onto his back.

"why did it take so long?”

“huh?”

“I mean we'd been together for over a year before the corruption stuff happened"

His fiancé gave him a puzzled look and Dream remembered that Cross had no idea what he'd been thinking about.

"Cross I mean that...." he said, pausing for a moment to figure out how to put it into words

"This is the first time you've ever touched me that way... I just feel like we should have gotten further by now"

Cross blushed "uhhh"

Dream couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight of the familiar purple glow.

"You look like a glow stick" he teased.

"oi!" Cross replied "don't mock the blush when you made that blush happen"

Dream laughed and looked up at Cross with a smile, but it quickly faulted. "I mean it though Crossy..... Why so long?"

The former guards shoulders shrugged. This wasn't the kind of conversation he was prepared for.

"it's never really mattered to me, I'm happy where we are".

He's eyes met the golden guardian's "but you know I'd wait for ever for you". He moved and kissed his partner's gloopy forehead.

Dream felt love and positive emotions rush from Cross to him. It was so much that he felt dizzy for a moment. A smile couldn't help but spread across his face, despite the migraine threatening to happen. However, it still didn't make the nagging feeling go away. Running his hands along his gloopy arms, he continued to think.

Watching TV wasn't really something that Cross and he did often, but in the rare times he did, he couldn't help but notice something.

In the shows they did watch, Undernovela to name one, the people always seemed so much more intimate then he was with Cross. Their body language was a clear sign of that. And every so often they would touch each other, kiss each other, start to strip each other and then Cross normally turned it off.

Thanks to his partner, Dream had never actually seen how one of those scenes ended. It was his goal to one day watch one to completion. But for now, he could still remember the way they began at least.

This kind of closeness and touching..... Him and Cross had never really done that. It hadn't bothered him in the past, but right now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"...... Cross?"

"yeah?"

"I want you to kiss me, but do it like they do in the movies"

At this point Cross was sure that someone could have cooked an egg on his face.

"w-what do you mean?!"

After thinking for a moment, Dream said, slightly unsure, "passion and a little heat I guess"

Cross pulled his turtle neck up over his face slightly "a-are you sure"

Suddenly laughter filled the room, coming from Dream. Seeing Cross like this was amazing. Something about it was just so hilarious. Comparing this blusy mess to the grumpy, cold persona Cross used to put up. It was just to much.

"oh my goodness! You are so embarrassed right now!"

Some slight frustration bubbled in Cross as Shattered laughed at him. But this was soon replaced with a playful hunger. Well.... If he wants to be kissed like that...

As Dream laughed, he felt as Cross climb on top of him and pin his wrists next to his head. He paused and looked up at him, feeling his face get burning hot.

"looks like you’re the glow stick now~" Cross said with a sly smirk. Dream glared, but his face got hotter.

"you want me to kiss you like they do in the movies?" he said, leaning in closer to Dreams face.

He had a playful look in his eyes and his hands gripped Dream's wrists slightly harder.

His emotions and feelings weren't feelings Dream could easily identify or recognise. As much as a part of him hated to admit it, he liked this side to Cross. The dominance was strangely attractive.

Cross could sometimes be so gentle and passive that Dream felt like Cross thought he was breakable. This was different. Cross was being a bit more forward and Dream felt a little excited.

"Yes please....." the smaller skeleton replied.

With that Cross kissed him. If Dream had felt like he melted when Cross kissed him before, it was nothing compared to this.

There was more passion and heat coming from this then he'd ever felt in his whole life. He couldn't help but let out a slight muffled moan.

That noise was new.... In fact this whole thing was new, it brought a whole lot of new feelings. He felt the need to wrap his arms around Cross and keep him there but of course Cross still had his arms pinned.

Cross leaned forward more, he couldn’t think of a time he’d every enjoyed kissing someone more, so much so he was starting to forget himself. So he deepened. He slipped his tongue inside Dreams mouth slyly and ran it around hungerly.

Feeling this, Dream opened his eyes wide. This sensation was very alien to him and he shuddered starting to feel a slight panic rising. His soul started racing and his body trembled. This was making him feel suddenly very strange and vulnerable. It was to much. To much to much! No stop!

Luckily, Cross noticed his partner's discomfort and parted the kiss. Now Shattered’s mouth was free, he took some long deep breaths. 

After a brief moment of confusion, Cross realised what had probably freaked Dream out.

He felt like an complete idiot, you had to go slow with Dream. Dream didn't have a lot of experience with that kind of thing, of course over sensitising him would upset him. He should have known better. Cursing himself, he let go of Shattered and got off him, sitting beside him.

"sorry....I..... Are you alright?"

Dream continued to take deep breaths, to calm his soul and nodded. His body was all warm and funny feeling. Now he was thinking clearer, it wasn't bad really, but it was very very new and strange.

"y-your tounge got broken again" he said before taking another deep breath.

"...... yeah.... I know, I got a little carried away, I won't do it again. I promise"

Dream could sense a lot of guilt coming from Cross. There was still many feelings he didn't recognise, but guilt was among them. Cross felt that often enough that Dream could recognise it easily. 

Did he feel bad for upsetting him? That was silly... Dream had asked him to kiss him that way.

He seemed to feel really bad though. His dark side, flipped in delight at the negative emotions to snack on. But despite that, Dream didn't like Cross feeling like that.

The kiss had been really good! Really really good. It had just been a lot of new feelings.

He didn't want Cross to feel bad and he didn't want Cross to be afraid to do it again. In fact the thought of Cross going back to treating him like he was breakable made him feel upset. He was a very good kisser after all.

"Cross it's OK you know" he said, sitting up.

Cross looked at him with a guilty face. Dream cupped his cheek with his hand.

"I really liked it Crossy! I promise"

Cross smiled slightly.

"you just caught me a little off guard, that's all" he said softly.

He leaned over and nuzzled Cross' face

"I still Love you so much so don't worry about that!"

A light chuckle left Cross' mouth "I know Daydream, I love you so much too"

More pain, yet the smaller ignored it and continued to nuzzle him.

"just a little bit of warning next time, OK?"

Yeah that sounded alright. Cross thought and nuzzled his partner back. Next time...

Wait next time!?

"Next time!?" he exclaimed pulling back.

"yeah next time" Dream said with a puzzled look slipping onto his face "we are gonna do this again right?"

Dream narrowed his eyes, Cross was giving him a 'deer in the headlights' look. He could tell what he was thinking though. He was once again to afraid to hurt him.

"Cross... I’m going to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me" he said in a firm tone. 

Cross sheepishly nodded

"I want to be able to be valuable around you, but I can't because it will just prove to you that you need to protect me.... I don't need a guard I need a-

-partner" Cross said, cutting him off.

Dream paused before replying "yes exactly"

Cross' eyes glanced for a moment at Dream's ankle. "I.... I know that Dreamboat I just-

"my ankle...." Dream said cutting in.

"huh"

Shattered shifted his feet "you were thinking about what happened with Killer again..... Weren't you?"

"......."

Protesting wouldn't have helped. Dreams gaze was cutting into him, there was no use lying.

"yeah......"

Shifting his feet again, Dream let out a defeated sigh.

"You know that I could totally take on killer these days..... You can't just" he shifted his foot again "........ You still see me as how you saw me back then?"

Cross faltered slightly and avoided his partner's gaze.

Dream seemed slightly irritated now

"I'm not the same being I was back then, and neither are you." Dream said plainly and before Cross could reply he added.

"when you still treat me like that..... It makes me feel like I can't be weak around you..... That I can't show myself to you..."

Guilt radiated from Cross, as the former positively guardian spoke. It felt like a knife twisting in him. He was always so afraid to hurt Dream, that sometimes he was to afraid to do anything. To put it bluntly, he had no reason to really feel this way, the gloopy being could easily snap his neck if he desired to.

"Dream.... I never thought I'd ever get to be with someone as amazing as you... I don't want to lose you, I very almost did"

It was Dreams turn to tense now.

"one moment I tell myself that you are strong...... So strong you don't even need me! But the next...." Cross sighed in a defeated way and sagged his shoulders.

He felt like anything he could say would just be an excuse at this point. There were so many thoughts and feelings he didn't know how to properly explain them. So instead he said the first thing that came to mind.

"you.... Sometimes you are still a bit of a kid really". The moment he said it, he hated himself for saying it. Though in that moment he'd forgotten Dream could read his emotions.

A frown crept onto Dreams face, upon recognising the negative cocktail brewing in Cross. This was an important issue in their relationship, but it was probably best not to press it much further now. His inner excitement at his partner's emotions was making Dream feel a little sick, so he couldn't bare to draw out this conversation more. Instead, he portend scoffed at the conversation.

"a kid? Me? Ha!" he said, his voice being playful and inviting Cross to play along.

Catching onto the playful tone, Cross smiled.

"Well I'm sorry to tell you this Boss, but you are as naïve as a small child around most matters"

Shattered pretend gasped "How dare you!" he put his hands on his hips "I will have you know that I have grown up knowledge!"

Cross raised an eyebrow "like what?"

Dream's smile told Cross that he'd been wanting him to say that. "well I know that a honeymoon isn't going to the moon and eating honey." he stated.

"oh really?" Cross said, laughing slightly.

"yep!" Dream said proudly. Before leaning in close to Cross like a child sharing a secret.

"I even know that people do lots of grown up stuff on honey moons! I don't know what these grown up things are.... But I know people do them"

Cross let out a low chuckle at that and Shattered was thrilled to see that Cross felt better, even with another bitter ache running through his core as a result.

"I know Dream boat..... The angry baby is all grown up" he teased. 

Poking his tounge out, Dream booped Cross' nose 

"He is indeed! And as a grown up he wants you to treat him as an equal"

Cross let out a proper laugh now.

Dream felt momentarily satisfied. But it wasn't quiet enough. 

It looked to him like Cross wanted to continue the game....well he did have one more trick, since he was feeling playful. His face twisted into a thin smile and his eye gleamed.

"although....." he said in a low voice, leaning forward towards Cross. Gloved hands moved off the bed and ran themselves slowly long Cross' leg bones.

"if you want.... I could try taking a bit more of a dormant roll" he purred.

More heat instantly rushed to Cross' face, at the sudden contact. The mood had well and truly changed. It was a warm purple blush that hadn't left him since they started this whole thing.

Sliding his hands to Cross' hips slowly, Dream moved forward a bit again. Shattered took great pleasure in Cross' face of embarrassment. There was a part of him that missed doing this. He missed the tease. The delicious feast of emotions radiating from his partner. Cross should have known that Dream always won when they played.

Cross felt as Dream's hands place themselves on his ribs. The fingers curling in the fabric of his jumper. He shivered under Dreams touch and his two coloured eyes locked with Dreams. He tried to say something, but could only stammer.

With that Dream broke. He couldn't take it anymore, snorting and bursting out laughing again. He was just too easy to fluster, it was brilliant. He fell over onto his side, his body convulsing against their bed in his laughter.

"you should see the look on your face right now!" he said, losing the smoothness of his tone and returning to his jolly happy voice.

Cross set up straight as stiff as a board and chest flushed out slightly "Dream! are you trying to give me a heart attack!?"

Dream smirked "oh no, your boss is just having a little fun with you~"

Cross shook his head "you are just terrible sometimes". 

He smiled "you're lucky that I've been in love with you for years"

With a sigh Dream sat back up. "Feeling better now my love?" he asked gently. Cross nodded.

"yeah...I'm sorry for getting all freaked out, I just...."

"..... Just?" Dream prompted.

"my magic and emotions can sometimes be a little..... Unstable.... If I lose control, if I hurt you...."

And there is was, just like it always was, Cross' fear of hurting him. It seemed that they had circled back round again.

"if I may quote myself,... if only you could" Dream said with a soft smile appearing on his face.

"I know you couldn't hurt me even if you wanted to"

Cross sighed and took a moment to reflect. He knew that Dream was right. Dream had said the same thing to him many times in the past. Maybe the past was the problem.

"sometimes I still see you as the same skeleton I fell in love with all those years ago" Cross said.

Dream rolled his eyes slightly "I'm pretty sure the 2 pounds of gloopy slime is enough evidence that I'm not"

The two where able to share a laugh this time.

“still...” Cross said, calming his laughter.

"even with a black liquorice coating, you have the same sweet centre you always have".

"...."

"Your soul is enveloped in negativity, but it's still pure from the inside out..."

As much as Dream wanted to, he couldn't stop the warmness in his cheek bones. But also, his chest twisted at Cross' sweet words.

"heh..." he chuckled "you wouldn't say that if you could see it"

The attempt self depreciating humour had been in an effort to make himself feel less awkward. But instead it made a lump form in his throat.

However, he chose to double down.

"y-you'd be repulsed at the sight of me" he stated placing his gloved hand on his chest and tugging slightly at the fabric.

"I don't think so"

Dream looked up.

"Cross I know what I'm talking abou-

"then show me"

Dreams grip on the fabric of his collar tightened. "what" he breathed.

"you are beautiful.... Inside and out.... I want to prove that"

He sounded so sure. Firm, but not forceful. There was a look of determination that Dream could recognise in his eyes.

His fingers once again tugged at his collar, though this time he could also feel the hum of the magic gathered under his ribs. He told himself he was mad for considering this, but a determined Cross was as stubborn as a mule. He wouldn't let this go, so it was probably best to get it over with.

"ok....." he whispered.

After telling himself to be a grown up and bite the bullet, he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the soul from his chest.

Shattered scrunched his shoulders and waited. 

He waited for Cross to be disgusted or repulsed by the sight of his rotten soul. For him to tell him to put it away. But Cross didn't say that. In fact, as Dream opened his good eye, he saw the guard has a look of wonder on his face, taken in by the beauty of it. It was unlike anything Cross had ever seen.

"beautiful..." he said in a near whisper, which immediately caused Dreams face to flush, both out of embarrassment and surprise.

But Cross didn't notice as his gaze was still fixed on the soul.

"Does it.." he said softly "does it hurt?"

Dreams face dropped into a frown. He nodded "more then you can imagine"

He avoided Cross' eye contact, but felt Cross' sadness. Then he felt something else. Something softly bush against his soul.

He jumped and fixed his gaze to Cross again. Cross sheepishly retracted his hand. He'd been reaching forward to touch the soul and now he felt like an idiot. Dream just stared at him, mulling over what had just happened.

"i-i-im sorry I...." Cross stuttered. What was he thinking? Why did he do that? He had no right to touch Dream's soul. His partner had finally felt confident enough to show him it and he'd pushed to far. 

What was wrong with him today?!

"I d-don't know why I-

But then he was shushed by a gloved finger being pressed to his mouth.

"shhhh... Don't speak" Dream purred softly.

If Cross' face could get any hotter, in that moment it did. Dream pulled his hand away from his mouth and took Cross' hand in his. He guided Cross' hand up to his soul.

"I want you to touch it"

He must have miss heard him right? There was no way..... But as Dream spread his fingers and allowed them to wrap around the soul, it became very clear that he hadn't. 

Cross wanted to say something, do something... Anything. But he was so afraid to ruin it. This moment felt so breakable, one wrong move could send there progress backwards. But he knew he had to say something.

"a-are" he calmed his nerves "are you sure?"

"You are scared Cross.... I know you are, but if any one will ever touch me like this, I only want it to be you"

Shattered himself struggled to keep his voice from shaking. He'd never felt so vulnerable, so exposed, but he was also full of anticipation. 

Cross' fingers where only lightly around him, hardly touching, it was like he was teasing him.

Cross closed his fingers around the soul slightly more, Dream shuddered as he did.

"if you want me to stop at any point Dreamboat, say apple ok?"

"Apple?" Dream asked, tilting his head "A code word?"

Cross nodded.

"Alright" he said, bracing himself for the pending contact "If I want you to stop, I'll say Apple"

And with that Cross began. He made sure to go slow, timidly running his fingers against it. It pulsed in his hand slightly, the magical energy felt warm and comforting.

Dreams body gave a lurch as Cross started and he squeezed his eyes shut. This was new, very very new.

For a moment he was tempted to say apple, being slightly overwhelmed. But as he started to get used to the feelings he was being presented with, he relaxed. Opening his eye sockets again he saw his partner looking at him with a very worried expression. 

He'd stopped.

"I... I..." Dream said trying to catch his breath "I didn't say apple"

Cross nodded and took that as a sign to keep going.

Dream leaned forward and rested his head on Cross' shoulder. As alien sensations continued to fill him, he weakly gripped the front of Cross' jumper. His fingers curled into the fabric and tugged slightly. 

These feelings overcoming him where strange but incredible to feel. He all at once felt weaker and stronger then he ever had and he wanted more.

He gripped the jumper tighter and pulled himself up to Cross' eye level. Their eyes locked together as Dream felt Cross' fingers continue to gently stroke the soul. Cross' face was that of excitement, confusion and nervousness.

Dream looked down to Cross' broad chest and he started to run his hands across it. His partner tense and then relaxed as he did. Being this close, Dream took a moment to appreciate Cross' ribs. 

He'd seen them a few times but now, as he traced them through his jumper with his fingers, he'd truly noticed how handsome of a skeleton Cross was. Without realising, he started to pull up Cross' shirt up slightly.

But Cross immediately caught Shattered's hands in his own and pushed them back down.

"l-let's leave clothes on.... ok?"

Dream gave a disgruntled wine at the fact that Cross had let go of his soul. His fingers let go of Cross' jumper and he leaned back a bit. 

He was about to ask why he’d stopped him, when he noticed Cross' emotions being strange. 

They were new and very very intense. 

There was something carnal brewing in the soldier, and it was clearly making Cross nervous.

"are you ok?" Dream questioned, feeling worried.

"I've just..." he said nervously "I've never done this before"

"you think I have?" Dream retorted

"what! No, of course not" Cross replied.

He twisted his locket on his fingers "I-I've done intimate things with people before... Not much mind you" a brighter purple hue decorated his face.

",... But this?....this is more intimate then I've ever been with a person"

Dream tilted his head slightly and frowned.

"I guess... I’m just a little nervous Dreamy"

Dream gently took his chin in his free hand and tilted his head upwards. He'd give Cross a soft and tender kiss on the mouth. He felt Cross melt a bit, which made him smile into the kiss.

He pulled back and smiled wider "it will be alright.. I trust you completely"

His tone was sweet and caused Cross' soul to thump. He considered how he'd had a hold on Dreams soul just moments before and wondered how it had felt to Dream.

Dream placed Cross' hands on his hips now and placed his back on the guards chest. Cross tensed under his grip but didn't move his hands. Dream used this as an opportunity to move himself closer to cross, to try and close the gap between them. Cross' soul was beating against his hand through his chest and it tweaked at Dream's curiosity.

Cross moved his hands up slightly to where he could feel the base of Dreams ribs through his clothes. There was no doubt in his mind that Dream was unaware of what kind of things he was doing to him right now and he had no intention of taking advantage. 

The way Dream was acting was something he'd only seen his most shameful fantasies that this point, so much so that he was fighting to keep grip on his imagination. The more he fought the more anxious he felt.  

"Cross why are you so tense?" Dream questioned, which turned Cross' attention back on him.

It was only when he tried to relax, that Cross noticed how tense he'd become.

"do you need to say apple?" came Dreams sweet voice again. Cross pondered the question for a moment, then slowly nodded.

The moment he saw Cross nod, Dream shifted his body away and removed his hands from his chest. Through Cross was sad to lose the hold he had on Dream, he felt mostly relieved as his soul continued to thump.

"I could feel your soul beating very fast...." Dream said, "did I do something wrong?"

He seemed quite nervous now himself. Cross sighed and placed his hand on his chest, over where is heart would be if he had one.

"n-no you didn't" he said taking a few deep breaths "I'm just not sure what you wanted to do from here".

That was a good question. Dream had mostly been letting his instincts drive him. What was it that he wanted? He pondered this, tapping his finger against his own chest, where his soul had returned, as if mimicking the beat of Cross' soul. Then he realised.

"I want to touch your soul"

Whatever Cross had been expecting or thinking, hadn't been anywhere near that. That wasn't something he'd ever even considered.

His soul was a mess, he knew that. His first thought was to refuse, but as he looked again into Dream's eyes, his resistance faltered.

Shattered was looking at him with a soft expression. Not one he'd truly seen in the longest time. The transformation had changed Dreams eyes from what they once were. But in that moment Dream's gaze was every bit as warm and welcoming as it had once been those years ago.

Not only did it help ease away any desires to resist, but it also helped him to calm is own self down. Dream had always had a way of calming him, whether it be though touch or words. It was a sense of calm unlike another.

It was his vulnerability that Dream was asking for and his complete trust. His soul wasn't just something that he willing showed to anyone.... But Dream wasn't just anyone.

What was happening between then tonight was very special. It was something far beyond the intimacy of sex and that meant it was something so much better.

He smiled softly and nodded, resting his hand on his own chest. Dream smiled and sat back on his feet, waiting expectantly. 

Feeling the throb of the magic gathered in his ribs, Cross' anxiety crept in slightly. But he took a long, deep breath and allowed his magic to pull the glowing mass of energy and determination from under his jumper.

He glanced down at the formless substance in his hand as the magic swirled into forming the rough shape of a heart. He narrowed his eyes at the sight of red and white, then looked back at Dream.

His partner was watching him very closely and Dream's focused face told him he was trying to read his emotions.

"it's not much to look at......" he stated, as Dream continued to stare

"it's perfect" the guardian said softly. "because its you"

As Dream had anticipated, there was a wave of positivity from Cross which hit Dream like a bucket of boiling water, sending a deep burning feeling through his bones. He tensed his knuckle, but didn't react in any other way. Closing his eyes, he took a breath.

"thank you...."

Cross' voice caused him to open his eyes again.

"h-here....." the soldier said softly, moving his hand and soul into Dream's reach.

It was a small amount of time before the burning fully subsided and Dream slowly moved his gloved hand forwards. 

With as much care as he could muster, he took the essence from Cross' fingers.

The soul felt strange. Not quite solid and not quite un solid. It was like a combination of all 3 states. Gas, liquid and solid.

The incorporeal essence felt pleasant in his hand, and he had a strong desire to remove his gloves to feel it properly. But he didn't feel quite relaxed enough to show Cross his hands state. So Instead he contracted his index finger to give the soul a conservative stroke. The reaction from his companion was audible. Not a sound that he was familiar with, but one he felt the desire to hear again.

He didn't look up at Cross, but when the skeleton saw the way Dream was smiling as he observed his soul, he felt extremely jittery. The anxiety was raising in his chest again and sticking an acidy taste in the back of his throat. But he didn't dare say a word to stop Dreams actions.

Again the former positive being, ran his finger up and down, across the surface. Once more he enjoyed the sounds that came from Cross. But now, he felt a need for more. To see how far he could push.

So cautiously, he nuzzled it, feeling as the warm magic brushed against his face. The warmth was very pleasant and conforming.

It vibrated in his fingers as he squeezed it lightly, smiling as Cross gasped in response. A little bit of teasing was always fun.

Even if Cross denied it, Dream knew he loved to be teased. Again he flexed his fingers and nuzzled the magic. There was a light hum in his own chest as he did so, followed by a very slight pain which he ignored. His eye moved to looking at his partner, hoping to see a reaction.

Cross was sat with his legs crossed and his shoulders hunched. From what Dream could sense he was enjoying himself and knowing Cross, he was probably trying not to enjoy himself to much. The purple blush had travelled down his neck now, not quite as vibrant, but still.

He shivered at the feeling of Dreams breath against him.

Getting an idea, Dream nipped the mass in his hand in a playful way, being delighted by the yelp Cross made. He made sure to catch Cross' eye, before smirking devilishly and placing a soft kiss on the soul's surface.

Then, after a short moment of intense eye contact, he chuckled slightly and moved his hand with the soul away from his mouth.

"alright, I'll stop"

The soldier breathed a sigh of relief, despite being slightly disappointed. As embarrassing as that was, he'd by lying if said he didn't enjoy it.

Dream reached his hand out and offered the soul back to Cross. As Cross went to take it, Dream clenched his fingers around it slightly.

"Dream?" Cross ask, worried that Dream was going to start teasing him again.

Dream on the other hand was thinking quite a lot, as he continued to feel the warm magic in his fingers. There was something going on with his own soul, he could feel it, a kind of throbbing, humming, something.

After a while, Dream let go of Cross' soul and Cross took it back, holding it in his own hand.

As Cross carefully returned it to his chest, Shattered's soul burned slightly. A realisation of what the feeling in his soul was, hit Dream like a slap in the face. It was a desire for more.

Dream caught Cross' arm "Wait!"

Cross froze and stared at his lover.

"I want...." Dream started, being unable to figure out how to say what he wanted. This kind of thing wasn't something he was accustomed to and it wasn't something he'd taken the time to research or understand better in the past. He'd only been a child back then after all.

At that very moment he wished he could ask his twin for help. But he forcefully pushed that wish from his mind before he could think about it for to long.

It had probably been touching Cross' soul which had awoke a long dormant piece of him, something he'd never have thought anyone would make him feel.

"I want our souls to..."

He placed his hand on his chest and pulled out the still rotting apple. Yet this time the magic was less of a solid shape. It had been reduced to a swirling mass of gold and black, which flickered around his fingers like flames.

The former guard stared in both wonder and concern at the new sight.

"..... I want our souls to be one"

Silence.

A very loud silence. Cross could do nothing but look from Dreams face to his soul then back again. After repeating that a few times he looked away.

There was probably about one thousand different thoughts going through the soldier's mind. The request... The implications and what the act itself would involve.

It was in essence soul sex. Just that realisation made his face burn. It was something he'd heard of in the past, but not something most monsters took part in. Only a few tried it, as he'd heard it could have extreme consequences.

He fixed his gaze back to being directly in Dreams eyes. The skeleton seemed nervous, but he also seemed quite sure. 

He sat, arm out slightly, with his soul flicking in his palm. It was almost like he was offering it to Cross. A temptation.

Yet, Cross was still wildly unsure how to react. Every possible way that he could respond, ran though his head so fast, it was impossible to pick one. Yes? No? Maybe? What was it that Dream actually wanted him to do? Did Dream even fully understand what he was asking? What if some bad happ-

But then, before he could finish that thought, he became distracted. Dream closed his eyes and took a long deep breath, his fingers tightening around his own soul slightly. He sighed in a near meditative way. It was this that got Cross to focus on him again.

After a few short moments he opened his good eye slowly and again, looked directly at Cross. The gold of his eye was truly mesmerising and matched the soul perfectly, the same colour as a forbidden treasure.

Then, slowly Dream moved again, reached his free hand forward and placing it on Cross' chest. For a moment he felt Cross' mock-heartbeat under his hand, never breaking eye contact.

It was still silent in the room, but less of a loud kind. It was comfortable and more soft.

Dream's fingers lightly gripped Cross' jumper, as he studded his face for a sign of resistance.

He didn't move again and only continued to feel the beat. His face remained serious, but gentle... As if he was asking permission.

Cross could feel his soul beating against Dreams hand, and could see that Dream's soul was beating in rhythm with it. Connected.

Slowly, he placed his own hand on his chest, over Dream's.

"ok.... "

He didn't need to say anything else. It was a simple word, but it the perfect one.

Together they drew their hands back, pulling forth a string of magic with it. Once it had formed its shape Dream moved his hand back to his own soul.

".... ok..... " Dream said softly "are you ready?"

"Yes" Cross replied, but after picking up on some slight hesitation, he asked "Are you?"

"......... I..."

It was Dream's turn to get lost in thought now. He suddenly felt very scared at the prospect of what he was doing. He tried to relax himself, to no effect. Maybe he couldn't do this.

"it's ok to change your mind"

Dream would never know how such simple words, could make him feel so good. This wasn't a random person he was doing this with. It was Cross. His soldier, his partner. The one who made him feel truly safe. That thought granted him true courage.

He smiled

"... I don't need to, I'm ready"

With that, it was time to begin.

In the flickering state his soul was in, Dream's soul was clearly drawn to Cross' as they were moved closer together.

The two skeletons watched carefully at the display of red and gold light and guided both souls to the point of almost touching. Once the souls fused, they couldn't be separated by force, this was the last chance to back out. But neither did, and nodded to one another, moving their hands away and allowing the souls to take over.

It felt like a life time before the two souls finally touched.

Cross grit his teeth as an attempt to prevent himself from letting out some inappropriate noises. Though he could prevent them all. Luckily, Dream didn't seem to notice this. He was lost in his own feelings and his hand gripped his fingers into the fabric of the bed sheets.

"¡Oh Dios! santa mierda" he hissed, before groaning slightly.

In a normal situation Cross would have been shocked to hear his beloved curse. However in that moment he wasn't bothered in the slightest

"yeah... Y-you said it my love" Cross replied, taking a few deep breaths to collect himself.

No sooner had he gotten used to the sensations he was being presented with, then the souls sparked and pulsed pushing together more. Both skeletons felt this and let out some strained wines, yet there was more to come, as it was nowhere near over yet.

Dream closed his eyes to allow himself to lose himself in the sensation again. It was something so new. But unlike earlier, new didn't feel scary. It felt right. Opening his eyes again, he looked at Cross. He wanted to be closer to him.

He shifted his legs and shuffled on the bed. Noticing his movement, Cross copied so that they were once again sat across from each other.

Cross leaned forward and touched their foreheads together, feeling the coldness of Dream's crown on his warm bones.

"h-how" Cross said with a shaky breath "how you d-doing?"

"Placer más allá de las palabras" Dream basically panted, pulling back a bit so his head away from Cross. His face was flushed and his expression caught up in bliss. Cross couldn't help but match his smile and reached out to stroke his partner's cheek, brushing some gloop away.

For a moment they just enjoyed this simple contact and Dream turned to nuzzle Cross' fingers. Such a small act, but it made more warmth spread through Cross.

It was then that this moment was interrupted by there souls once again pulsing together. As the magic curled around each other, both parties felt more heat and sighed out each others names.

Their hands found each others and gripped together, hanging on for dear life as the magic continued to swell and then the souls pushed together all the way.

This stole the air right out of both of them. It was real now. They were connected. After a moment they locked eyes and not a second later Dream spoke.

"¡Bésame ahora!"

Cross didn't hesitate for a moment.

In a flash their mouths where pressed together in the sweet agony of a passionate kiss. They were over whelmed now and over come with strong desires. 

The kiss continued, as they moved from sitting, to rolling around on the bed sheets. The fabric wrapping around their legs and tangling their limbs together. How they ended up there? Neither could tell you. Who was on top? Neither could say.

Dreams crown knocked off and fell to the floor with a clang as the two continued. Neither noticed or cared. They were lost in the sensations and in the feeling of each other at this point.

There was no crown. No curse. No anything. Just each other and that was it. There was nothing either of them wanted more then to express that.

Not Cross or Dream could tell you how long it lasted. All they knew is by the time there souls had separated they were completely tangled in each other.

It was quite an awkward pose to get out of, as they un-weaved their legs and arms. The awkward silence turned into the two breaking into a fit of laughter as Cross couldn't fight his legs free of the blanket.

In the end they managed to separate and lay down next to each other. Not a word was spoken as they stared face to face, enjoying the euphoria and the sound of the other breathing. It was like the ending of a rom com, where the two main characters have that perfect soft moment with each other. It was that perfect moment.

As the magic settled and they slowly fell asleep in each others arms, they had no idea the path they had set in motion. Or who would be greeting them a short while later.

,<3

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Heart and Liver

Stephen and Crane are getting ready to uproot their lives and move across the globe to Shangai. Which means Stephen needs to get his mouth around an entirely new language, something he clearly isn't very comfortable with.

But Crane has a way to get him to loosen up.

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I apologise for any mistranslations in this text, I've used online articles and am very aware it won't reflect the dialect used in Shangai in the Victorian Era. Sometimes you just hear the song Sunrise from In The Heights early in your adolescence and your taste for Person A teaching Person B their language fics is solidified.

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Please consider leaving a comment on Ao3 and reblogging! <3

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Stephen Day was a very good teacher.

Crane had seen the evidence himself multiple times. He’d seen him talk Miss Saint through the drills he gave her, the way he would correct her mistakes in ways that built her up rather than made her feel small, that steered her towards improvement rather than smacked her down, the way he would praise her effusively even after she’d just launched a gust of wind that had knocked him back on his arse. He’d seen the way that Saint looked at him after she’d mastered some new technique that was incomprehensible to Crane, after hours and hours of patience and encouragement from Stephen. Even through her street sharpened exterior, she would look at him like he’d hung the moon.

And he’d felt it himself, whenever the vast gulf between the worlds they knew would mean Stephen had to explain some magical phenomenon to him. His hands would twitch and turn as he spoke, like he was physically untangling the words themselves to make them understandable. Even if after he was done Crane could only smile and shake his head and shrug, expecting his lover to give up, Stephen would just launch into a slightly tweaked version of his explanation. He’d liken it to something Crane would grasp, analogise etheric currents to stocks and bonds or, in one memorable instance, translocation spells to this thing Crane would do to Stephen in bed whenever he’d either been very good or very bad. And then suddenly things would click in his mind and what, a few years ago, would have sounded like a fairy tale made sense to him.

He’d even seen him do it with Merrick a few times, the usually gruff manservant had taken one look at what Stephen could do with a pack of cards and began watching his hands very, very attentively whenever they’d all sit down to play of an evening. Even then, Stephen had recognised a different, slightly more hesitant student and adjusted his teaching style accordingly. He’d said nothing, he’d just made his movements slower, clearly telegraphed every twist of his slender wrists, casually dropped the names of the maneuvers he was making into conversation. He’d even deliberately flubbed the shuffles a few times, just so Merrick could see the mechanism more clearly as he righted it. It had worked as well as any of his other methods, Crane felt sorry for the boiler room lads on their boat to Shanghai, likely the first people his friend would approach with his new skills.

Stephen was indeed a brilliant teacher. He was patient, kindly when needed, firm when it was called for and always gave everything he had to helping his student achieve their goal. He cared, as simple as that.

So it was both a surprise and a shame that Stephen was such an appalling student.

Crane shifted on the bed, trying to fidget away his growing impatience, along with the growing cramps in his long legs, “Try again, you’re putting too much emphasis on the second syllable. Hunzhang.”

Stephen huffed, arms folding tighter, “I’m putting emphasis on the second syllable because you told me I was putting too much on the first!”

Crane stamped down an urge to laugh that would definitely get him kicked out of the bedroom. Stephen was just inexplicably adorable when he was irritated, it was like watching a puppy bare its teeth.

“Come on, listen to how I say it. Hunzhang.”

Stephen gave him a truly devastating eye roll but he sat up straighter against the bolsters and tried again, “Hunzhang.”

Crane grinned, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Not something he’d ever dare do in one of his fine suits but the sun had long since gone down and he was in his shirtsleeves. Stephen was considerably less dressed, wearing nothing but an older shirt of Crane’s he tended to sleep in. Or get fucked in, more often, but that was having to wait for the language lesson.

“Hark at you! You’d fit right in, any trading floor in Shanghai,” Crane beamed appreciatively. He was being generous, Stephen’s pronunciation was dire but that shirt was riding up and he could see enough freckled thigh to earn some praise, “And what does it mean?”

His little witch pulled a face, “Bullshit. Because, for some reason, you think learning how to curse up one side of someone and down the other is going to help me in Shangai.”

“It’s how I learned,” Crane shrugged languidly, “And you’d be surprised how far a few well placed insults can get you.”

Stephen’s mouth tightened at the corners, his tone staying mildly irritated but that slightest pull of muscle betraying his anxiety, “I’m going to stick out enough on my own without accidentally calling someone a stupid egg of all things.”

Crane’s teasing smile softened. Their departure date was now less than a month away and he could tell Stephen’s nerves were growing by the day. As they prepared to pack up their lives and move to the other side of the world, he could see those lines around his tawny eyes deepening. Part of the reason for this language lesson was to get Stephen more comfortable with the idea, give him some sense of control over the situation so he didn’t feel so much like he was being thrown into deep, unfamiliar water.

Part of the reason why Crane wished it was going better.

“You’re not going to stick out,” he said firmly, reaching over and taking one of Stephen’s hands that had started to twitch and fidget nervously on the bed, “We’re going there so we can belong. You’ll see.”

Stephen nodded slowly, his anxious hands stilling as Crane’s slender fingers stroked the hills and valleys of their calluses and knuckles. Any attention to his hands and the younger man instantly melted, becoming pliant and gentle, receptive to even more language lessons.

“Let’s run through a few words that won’t get you punched in the teeth then?”

Stephen blinked warily, “God, how likely is that?”

Crane had to laugh, “Honestly, quite likely someone will swing for you. Impossible that any will actually land seeing as I’ll be knocking them into the dirt.”

That made him grin toothily, “Defending my honour?”

“The amount of time I spend defending you from people you piss off, might as well call it my profession,” Crane raised his eyebrows teasingly, “But you’re not changing the subject that easily, darling. Let’s see…”

Crane’s cool grey eyes wandered the room. They hadn’t started packing yet- that would be a job for the next few weeks- so the evidence of their secret shared life was still scattered all over the place. There were a few ties carefully hung on the back of the door from Crane choosing which one he wanted to wear that morning, draped next to Stephen’s ratty old coat. There were Stephen’s books on the occult stacked neatly alongside Crane’s stories of far flung places and grand adventures that he’d been reading since he was a little boy, for escape back then and for nostalgia now. There was the scuff marks on the carpet where Stephen would pace whenever some case had been bothering him or the twin marks running parallel to those where Crane would pace with ledgers in hand. Behind these walls, their lives could get hopelessly, wonderfully tangled like they were meant to be. And given that neither man was particularly good at keeping things neat, that left plenty of items and plenty of words.

Crane took a moment, considering before giving him an easy one, “Xié.”

Stephen sat up a little straighter, eyes brightening now he actually had an answer, “Shoes.”

Crane nodded, gesturing towards their shoes, standing side by side at the foot of the wardrobe. Crane’s significantly larger and better made, Stephen’s smaller and far more scuffed from running.

“Shūjià,” he chose next, smile turning challenging.

Stephen clearly stumbled at that, brow furrowing for a few minutes before answering hesitantly, “Book?”

“Close!” Crane said encouragingly, “Bookshelf. Book would be Shū but you can hear how the words sound similar.”

His tone didn’t seem to have done it’s job, Stephen’s face crashed, “Right. I only missed half the damn word.” He took his hands back, folding his arms tightly around his narrow chest again.

Crane knew if Stephen felt dejected, if he felt like he had failed even in the slightest respect, it was so hard to get him going again. For someone who could do impossible things, he didn’t have a lot of faith in himself.

“Come on, one more,” he said, quickly veering away from that word, “You’re on one and a half already! Try...um...Chuáng.”

Stephen opened his mouth, closed it again, cast his eyes around helplessly. After a few moments he groaned, shoulders dropping, “Lucien, I don’t know…”

“You do, you’re just tired,” Crane sighed, a little lost on how to sound encouraging but not patronising, that would absolutely bring this to an end if Stephen caught the slightest hint of pity in his voice, “Chuáng, it's right under your nose. Right under all of you, actually.”

His witch frowned at him, frustration clearly kindled and flaring behind his eyes, “What? Lucien, if you have to give me hints I clearly don’t know the word.”

Crane rather felt like somehow who’d realised that was in fact a waterfall his boat was about to topple over. He cleared his throat and learned back, reevaluating. He was starting to worry that maybe Stephen wasn’t such a bad student, maybe he was just a terrible teacher.

So he would go for something they were both good at instead.

“It was the word for bed,” he skipped lightly over it, his confident smile reignighting, “But I have a new game.”

Stephen exhaled, eyes closing in exasperation, “Lucien, I’m burned out on language learning, can’t we just go to sleep? It was hard enough for me to read and write English, let alone a completely different tongue.”

That very obvious, very heavy shift in the air between them, the kind that only happened when someone had let something slip, when some words had bolted and run loose when they really weren’t meant to. And if it wasn’t obvious already, Stephen’s face had turned roughly the same colour as his hair.

Crane proceeded carefully, so carefully, “What do you mean by that, love?”

His lover seemed to fold in on himself, like a nocturnal animal caught out in the daylight, “I...it’s a practitioner thing. They call it word blindness, I think. When I was a child, I...I struggled. Reading, writing, speaking, all of it. They just wouldn’t stay still on the page or stick in my head. Esther had the same thing when she was a girl and you know Saint’s never got the hang of it but she gets along fine. I...I thought I was just an imbecile for years, that's what all my teachers said, until I realised what I actually was. Until I realised I can manipulate metal and make things levitate easier than I can write my own name.”

Crane watched his love’s face carefully, making certain to keep his own free of any trace of pity even when his heart ached a little for the boy Stephen had been, “Just when I think I can't admire you any more, you go and surprise me.”

If Stephen was red in the face before, he was positively vermillion now, though the hope hesitantly creeping into his eyes offset it nicely, “You find it admirable that I was nearly illiterate until I turned twenty?”

“That you tried,” Crane said simply, warmly, “That you didn’t give up even when you were put through so much. That you’ve gotten through everything life threw at you with sheer determination and spit.”

Stephen didn’t have an answer for that, squirming in that adorable way he did when he was overwhelmed with praise, like it all went straight to his nerve endings, “I mean...it’s making learning Shangaiese a pain.”

“And if you want to take a break, of course we can,” Crane shifted forward, moving into a crouch not unlike a hunting animal about to pounce, close enough that he caught every millimeter as Stephen’s pupils widened, “But I think I have one more idea I’d like to try. If you’re willing?”

Stephen had stopped squirming, pinned under that gaze, swallowing hard, “One more?”

Crane felt that twinge in his chest, the spark of triumph whenever he got this little witch who could throw him across the room with a single thought to bow to his whims.

He deliberately lowered his voice until it was a rumble in his chest, leaning closer until he could graze Stephen’s earlobe with his teeth, “Why don’t you tell me what you’d like to say?”

Stephen’s exhale was shaky, the want rolling off of him, “How...how do you say ‘kiss me’?”

Crane chuckled roughly, “Wěn wǒ. Though I don’t think that’s really what you want, sweet boy. It’s a little...chaste?”

He heard his lover’s coy answering laugh echo through his through, “To start. Wěn wǒ.”

The pronunciation could still use a little work but that was the last thing on Crane’s mind as he answered the request eagerly, moving back and pressing his lips to Stephen’s. He felt his little witch moan and melt into it, arms coming up to wrap around his shoulders and anchor them together. The scrape of stubble against his chin as he deepened their kiss told of the hectic few days Stephen had been having, so much happening at the justiciary that he hadn’t even had time to shave. Crane knew how lucky he was to be getting a whole evening with him and didn’t intend to waste it.

He could feel Stephen’s hands pulling at his shirt, trying to undress him, so he moved away and took hold of those skinny wrists, “You need to ask me.”

Stephen moaned in frustration but Crane rather thought it was his cock talking, the gleam of competition was still shining in those eyes rapidly turning golden, “Fine. My lord, how do I ask you to take off your clothes so you can fuck me silly?”

Crane had to laugh at that, “Well, I’ll shorten it for brevity but...Tuō diào nǐ de yīfú.”

Stephen’s eyes widened for a moment but then his face set determinedly, “Say it again? Slower?”

A mix of relief and pride in his lover made him smile down at him before obeying. He saw that fight in Stephen, the one he’d always admired, the one that had saved their skins on multiple occasions. Granted, it was a little different given that he was clearly aroused and sprawled out on the pillows like a half unwrapped gift.

“Tuō diào nǐ de yīfú.”

Again, the pronunciation was a horror and he wobbled his way through the unfamiliar sounds but he would have been understood at least. Not that he’d be saying it to anyone but Crane, in China or England.

Crane didn’t try to hide his delighted grin as he swept his shirt grandly over his head, followed swiftly by his trousers and everything underneath. He folded it all neatly before returning to the bed, he was never going to understand his lover’s willingness to just toss his clothes all over the place.

The way Stephen’s eyes blew wide at the sight of him was enough for even Crane to plumb new depths of vanity, “God, Lucien…”

“You see me sans modesty most every day, love,” he pointed out, though he wasn’t complaining.

“And I use my magic every day,” Stephen tilted his head slightly so the lamplight caught in his hair and turned it to gold, “It doesn’t mean it’s any less like having a weight taken off my chest.”

Crane didn’t know how he did it, how Stephen somehow found the right strings to pull and send him reeling out of nowhere. How he pulled the ground out from under him without a thought, how he looked right under his skin to the very soul of him and, somehow, found reasons to love it.

How he left him with no answer but to rush forward and kiss him again, forgetting the rules of his own game. Stephen made a noise of happy surprise, moving to match him, hands beginning to wander eagerly, leaving tingling trails across his lover’s skin to mark their passage.

But apparently Crane had sparked some curiosity.

When Stephen took his cock in his clever champagne fingers, he gasped against Crane’s mouth, “And what would I call this?”

His words came out significantly breathier as that fizzing, popping sensation wrapped around him, “There’s a few terms. I’d say ​​jība…”

“Jība,” it was impossible to care about the shaky syllables when he rolled it around his mouth in that unbearably sensual way, when he stroked a calloused thumb across the underside of the thing in question as he said it, “But there’s other ways of saying it?”

“A few more colourful phrases,” Crane admitted, “As in every language I expect but- oh God, Stephen…”

“We can review a few of those later then,” the smile on his face was nothing short of cheeky and he was going to be paying for that very shortly, “And...what exactly are you planning on doing with it, my lord?”

Crane smirked, it’s wickedly sharp edge making it clear that he was very much in control of this lesson and Stephen could just take a step back and remember his place, “Xìngjiāo. Hard and fast and thoroughly until you can’t walk.”

The effect was immediate, his lover turning pliant and wide eyed as Crane put a hand on the small of his back and dragged him closer. The hand snapped away from his cock and instead hovered around his chest with the other like nervous birds waiting for commands.

“Shì de…” he whispered after a moment of thought, eyes sparking with pride in himself though his face stayed carefully obedient.

Well, that went and did it.

Stephen was on his back in an instant, Crane seizing his ankles. Stephen cried out as his knees were shoved to his chest, as the shirt he wore rucked up around his stomach, all of him exposed and ready to be taken. So beautiful, so fragile and given to him so willingly.

“Xīngān…” The word escaped him even without thinking, like it was his heart speaking instead of his head.

Stephen’s lips parted softly, his eyes liquid amber, “What does that mean?”

Lucien’s smile softened slightly, even as he parted his legs further, as he let his hunger flow to the surface.

“Why don’t I show you first?”

After, everything was hot and heavy and heaving, Stephen reclining in Lucien’s arms and waiting for the room to stop spinning around him.

There was so much he wanted to say, as ever, thousands of emotions he wanted to name in the wake of feeling so completely loved but he knew they’d come out muddy and less than what he felt inside him.

Instead he reached up a still trembling hand and traced the line of Lucien’s jaw with a fingertip, “So...what does it mean?”

His lover’s eyes had been closed but now one opened slightly, like a contented cat lying in the sun, “Hm? What’s that, darling?”

“That thing you called me as you took me. Xīngān. What does it mean?”

An uncharacteristic edge of coyness slipped into his voice, one that would only ever come out when it was just the two of them, “Ah. Well. Literally? It means ‘heart and liver’.”

Stephen barked out a raspy laugh, incredulous and delighted, “Excuse me? That was what you chose to call me?”

His laughter was clearly infectious, Lucien shook under him with helpless chuckles, “I know how it sounds but…”

There was a moment, one of those moments where Stephen felt his lover made a choice. They happened often when they were alone together and it would have been so easy to read them as hesitancy. Before, when Stephen had been new to this, when he’d been less sure of himself, that’s exactly what he’d thought it was. He’d taken it to mean Lucien’s heart was already wandering, already thinking of the next man in his bed, fixing a mask in place before every term of endearment.

But he knew better now. He knew that pause, that moment where Lucien chose, was the breath he needed to go against everything he’d been taught. The choice he made in those moments was to open himself up and soften when the world had always forced him to stay out of sight and harden against everything that hurt him.

He moved slightly, letting Stephen turn so they could look into each other’s eyes, “It means ‘heart and liver’ because those are organs you can’t live without. And your Xīngān is the person you can’t live without, the person who you aren’t whole without. And for me, well...that’s you, sweet boy.”

“Lucien…” Stephen murmured, pressing a hand to his chest, “You’ll never have to live without me. Not here, not in Shanghai, nowhere in this world. I’m yours.”

“My heart and liver,” Lucien chuckled softly, cradling Stephen’s face in the softest touch.

“Xīngān,” he breathed, in the moment before their lips came together.

Stephen Day was a terrible student. But he was learning.

[ninbayphua-moyan]

An Instant’s Beauty: A Moment’s Eternity

I cannot sleep deep in the night; I rise and sit to play my lute. Thin curtains mirror the moon bright; Clear breezes tug my lapels mute. A lonely swan shrieks over the plain; Hovering birds cry in north wood. What do I see pacing in vain? My heart is grieved in solitude. [1] 

Warm morning sunlight streamed in through the lightwell, painting the dimly lit room in a dreamy pastel gold, quite like that of a faded photograph. The balmy Penang air was steeped in the fresh, earthy petrichor of a recent shower, blanketed with a sense of Saturday languidness. A gentle breeze, pleasantly cool against my skin fleeted through the wide-open windows, carrying with it the alluringly sweet scent of frangipanis.

          I flipped the century-old poetry book, its yellowed leaves a beautiful contrast against the teal-blue covers. White silk cords stitched together the pages in a butterfly binding whilst faded black ink encased in vermillion frames marked each leaf, punctuated only occasionally by an ink wash painting of landscapes or plants and animals. Reflexion. I placed the book back down on the table and picked up the brush. Dipping the tip in freshly grounded black ink, I started copying the text.

          I remember a sense of meditative calm seeping into the room against the backdrop of gently rustling palm leaves and running water. The way my hands traced the familiar characters with controlled ease and precision. The movements of the brush long since deeply ingrained into muscle memory from years of practice. Stroke after flowing stroke danced gracefully across the beige xuan paper, each carefully crafted character a painting of woven words. It strikes me now, as I pen my memory onto paper in Bute Park, how similar writing is to calligraphy. Even though it bears a certain form, each writer brings with them their own flair as they string together the words and weave them into a tapestry of thoughts.

          A ripple in the tranquil air.

          The soft fluttering of paper-thin wings. A shimmer of blue at the corner of my eye.

          Propping my brush against the holder, I looked up to see a beautiful blue butterfly flitting in through the window bars. It hovered by the inkstone momentarily before finally coming to a rest on the wooden brush rack next to it, the erratic beating of its wings slowing to a stop. Brilliant hues of cobalt and azure scales glistened as it sat there peacefully basking in the warm tropical sun. Watching the butterfly, I couldn’t help but wonder if the old folklore A-Poh[2] told me was true – that butterflies were the souls of deceased ancestors visiting the living. Wouldn’t that be nice if it was real. Then I’d be able to tell A-Gong[3] all about getting into university; about how part of me was glad that I got accepted but also about how another part of me didn’t want to go since I’d be leaving home for three years straight. What if everything changed whilst I was away? The places I’ve known since childhood…the familiar faces I’ve grown up with…If only the butterfly really was A-Gong. He’d be able to give me some advice.

          A tantalising aroma of freshly steamed glutinous rice dumplings wafted through the air, successfully drawing me out of my musings just as the clock struck noon.

          “Jia-bui-lo!” [4]

          Scurrying feet on creaking floorboards could be heard all over the house as my siblings and parents made a beeline for the dining hall. I looked away from the butterfly and smiled at A-Poh who was standing in the kitchen doorway. She beckoned me over with a toothless grin, her eyes crinkling into two half-moons as she motioned at the large bowl full of steaming glutinous rice dumplings in her hand. Getting up from the Luohan bed[5] where I sat cross-legged, I joined them at the dining table where Di-Di[6] and Mei-Mei[7] were already sat with their chopsticks at the ready, excited grins plastered across their hungry, eager faces.

          I take a seat next to A-Poh, and, picking up my chopsticks, took a bite out of the dumpling in my bowl, its familiar flavours instantly crashing over my taste buds like waves washing up against its shores. A groan escaped my lips as I relished each mouth-watering bite. The savoury note of succulent pork belly marinated in soy sauce and five spice; umami-rich dried shitake mushrooms with its juicy and chewy quality; firm-textured salted duck egg yolk that gives the dumpling a briny aroma whilst its bright orange-red hue creates a pleasant splash of colour against its otherwise brown and black counterparts; the refreshing sweetness of the water chestnuts, a crunchy nuttiness amidst the softness; soft, sticky golden brown glutinous rice encompassing it all, delectably infused with the subtle fragrance of its bamboo leaf wrappings and rich flavours of its fillings from the hours of steaming…ah…these tenderly wrapped packages of love though plain in appearance were worth more to me than gold.

          I was still half way through my first dumpling when another newly unwrapped one plopped into my bowl. Quickly swallowing my food, I tried protesting only to be shushed with another mouthful of rice being forced into my open mouth and a fond pat on the cheek. I shook my head in resignation whilst my siblings sent me cheeky looks before sneakily scooting closer to our parents. There was no stopping A-Poh now that she was on the rampage and those little troublemakers were smart enough to know to stay out of arms reach of her stuffing chopsticks. The rascals. Di-Di even has the audacity to stick his tongue out at me which was obviously returned with an eye roll.

          Little did I know then that these habitual banter, familiar aromas, and accustomed faces would be what I would miss most after leaving. Everything was as it should be; and everyone was where they belonged. In that instance, surrounded by dust particles glimmering in the golden tropical sunlight, it was as if a spell had been cast that would make today go on eternally. For a moment, I let myself believe in the enchantment; that tomorrow will never come and the flight ticket to London was nothing but a forgotten fantasy…

          Bzzz.

          Bzz. Bzzzzzz.

          Bzzz.

          I instinctively reach for my phone to turn off the alarm that pierces the heavy veils of sleep. However, when I open my eyes, I’m met with an unfamiliar white ceiling instead of the usual worn wooden beams. For a moment, I lie there, disorientated before realization sinks in. Cardiff. I am in my flat in Cardiff and the weight I felt on my stomach wasn’t Hua-Hua[8] but rather, my laptop which was still perched on its spot from yesterday’s all-nighter. I must’ve dozed off at some point.

          Slowly sitting up, I gaze around the silent room. Its bleak white walls; books and worksheets sprawled messily across the covers; steely early morning sunlight filtering through the narrow window into the dingy room; folders organized in a nice pile on the desk...My wandering gaze comes to a grinding stop when it lands on the calendar next to the neat stack of folders.

          February 7th.

          I sigh. Looks like I’ll be celebrating both my birthday and Chinese New Year alone this year…

          The frigid February air is still bitterly cold despite being swaddled from head to toe in layers upon layers of coats and scarves. Miserably, I trudge onwards along the banks of the River Taff. Razor sharp winds slice at my cheeks leaving behind searing scars. As the last remaining trickle of warmth leave my body, my mind shuts down and I plod along the cobblestone streets mechanically, limbs and face numb from the biting cold.

          A lukewarm breeze flutters by, stirring my slumbering senses. Bit by bit, warmth seeps back into my frozen limbs and my foggy mind clears as if waking up from a trance. Glancing around, I spot the words Marchnad Caerdydd [9] and realise I’ve arrived at the market. I shake off the remaining frost induced spell and venture into the quiet maze of stalls, trolley in hand.

          The smell of freshly baked bread and pastries wafts through the crisp air, tinged with a breath of floral sweetness. A range of raw meat laid out in clear glass cases bathed in neon pink lights line the murky grey brick walls. Whiffs of coffee beans tickle my nose whenever a dull-eyed person shuffles soullessly pass me in the near vacant market. Stall owners sit spiritlessly at their stalls staring lazily into space. It was almost like walking into a ghost town.

          A splash of colour.

          Turning around, I see a stall filled to the brim with a rainbow array of fruits and vegetables. A refreshing sight in the seemingly deserted marketplace. The sudden craving for something sweet results in me buying a bag of strawberries before wandering on.

          As I nibble away happily on the strawberries browsing through the stalls up in the gallery, I was suddenly struck by a sense of déjà vu. Bit by bit, the scene before me starts to change. The glaring daylight fades away into the tranquil darkness of night and the dusty marketplace roof is now a sky full of twinkling stars. A magnificent full moon shines softly against the vast velvety void, casting a gentle glow on everything below. Towering, lush palm trees replace murky grey brick walls and the cobblestone floor is transformed into a well-travelled dirt road. A lively buzz fills the now soothingly warm tropical air as a familiar sight begins to emerge in the distance. For there, at the very end of the road, stood Penang’s bustling night market, glowing and glittering like a chest of magical gems in the blanket of darkness.

          Brightly lit stalls sheltered by rainbow umbrellas formed a colourful labyrinth, drawing people young and old towards those warm lights like moths to a flame. The sound of street vendors hollering out their wares permeated the air, mingling with the cheerful haggling. Weaving in and out of the throng, I hurried over to the food stalls section. Bellowing clouds of smoke imbued with the irresistible aroma of Asian street food rose into the night air and my mouth began to salivate.

          As memories melt into ink and reconstruct themselves as words on the page, I am suddenly reminded of Lauren Elkin’s essay on being a flaneur.[10] Wandering through the streets of a city, uncovering its secrets and crafting it into a tale for the shelves. Having read Virginia Woolf’s Street Hunting, it’s fascinating to see not only the difference between Penang and London but also her contrasting writing style.[11]

          A familiar smell wafted down the street. I snapped out of my trance and made a beeline towards a stall tucked away in the corner. An old couple stood amongst bamboo steamer baskets selling staple dim-sum[12] delicacies. Noticing my arrival, the old woman hurried up to me and enveloped me into a bone-shattering hug.

          “Nai-Nai![13] Can’t – breathe –”

          She lets go of me with a laugh, grabbed my hand and quickly led me inside. As she busied herself fawning over me, Ye-Ye[14] quietly filled up a bowl and placed it in front of me with a kindly smile. I looked into the bowl to find it full of crystal shrimp dumplings[15], my favourite dim-sum dish.

          I picked up a piece of dumpling with my chopsticks and take a tentative bite, my mouth immediately exploding with flavour. The saltiness of grounded shrimp marinated with soy sauce and sesame oil contrasting exquisitely against the unique juicy sweetness of fresh prawn; a thin yet sturdy glass-like wrapper encapsulates it all with delicate pleats, creating a tasteful balance between the plainness of the dough and the richness of its fillings. Ah…heaven in a bite-size bundle.

          Ye-Ye and Nai-Nai smiled fondly as they watched me wolf down the shrimp dumplings with the same unrestrained gusto I’ve had for the past nineteen years. We reminisced about the past, laughing at funny memories whilst savouring the simple dim-sum dishes, and I couldn’t help but noticed how time had flown. Just yesterday I was barely tall enough to reach their knees; today, I stood half a head taller.

          “How long?”

          “Three years.”

          Minutes pass, neither of us uttered a word. Then, Ye-Ye gently ruffled my hair, the same way he’s been doing since I was two, only this time, the smile on his face seemed tinged with a hint of melancholy.

          “Silly child.”

          My nose soured at the affectionate nickname and I quickly tilted my head back to stop tears from falling. The stars seemed strangely lonely that night.

          “Still such a cry-baby.”

          “Am not!”

          Hastily blinking away the tears, I got up and enveloped Nai-Nai in a tight hug.

          “Take care.”

          I nodded, not trusting my voice. After a few pats, we broke apart and I turned to head home.

          “We’ll save some shrimp dumplings for when you come home!”

          I dared not look back so I raised my hand and waved farewell instead. Until next time.

          Strolling down the five-foot way, I paused in front of a pair of ventilated timber doors. Mythical creatures of Chinese folklore embellished each panel. The dragon floating reverently amongst wispy clouds, each delicately carved scale shimmering with contained power. Opposite it, perched nobly on golden branches, was its gentler feathered counterpart – the phoenix, its wings spread wide, ready to take flight. Under the moonshine, it was as if those gilded bodies were suddenly brought to life. Their once dull sheen now aglow in brilliant shades of scarlet, orange and gold, almost as if they would burst into flames at any moment, just like in the myths of old, and be reborn from the ashes.

          As I gazed at the exquisite carvings, entranced, an old memory resurfaces. Same door, same carvings, but a very different time. I was a lot shorter for one, and I wasn’t alone. The large calloused hand that held mine was wrinkled and dry like the pages of an old book. Where a finger was supposed to be was stump, the only remains of a work accident in his youth.

          I tugged at the hand and A-Gong glanced down, a gentle smile on his weather-beaten face. Seeing the question in my doe-like eyes, he laughed. “These?” he asked as he lifted me up with one arm whilst running his other hand over the carvings which glittered under the setting sun. “These are spirit guardians sent by the Jade Emperor to watch over our household.”

          “Howshowld?”

          “Family,” he chuckled and tweaked my nose. I giggled, playfully reaching out my stubby fingers to grab his beard. Still laughing, he pushed open the heavy, half-a-century-old doors and we entered the house.

          Standing in the living room, the sounds of mirth slowly faded into silence and evening sunlight was replaced with the darkness of night. Without bothering to turn on the light, I walked over to the Luohan-bed and struck a match, lighting the wooden lantern. A pool of golden light was casted around the table where a flight ticket to London sat, my passport placed neatly beside it.

          I sighed.

          Sinking down into the cushions, I glanced at the clock. Five hours. Then it’s goodbye for a very, very long time. I gazed absentmindedly around the familiar room as my mind takes a trip down memory lane: mornings sprawled across the brightly coloured majolica tile floor trying to trace its intricate patterns; Evenings spent watching A-Poh wielding her embroidery needle with decades of practiced ease; A-Gong playing the erhu[16] on peaceful nights…ah yes, the erhu. Closing my eyes, I could almost hear it. The bamboo bow strung with horsetail hair traversing between two silk strings as A-Gong’s fingers dance deftly along its slender neck producing a vast array of tunes: one moment tender and sombre, the next sonorous and joyful.

          “Mmmreeoow?”

          I opened my eyes and found myself gazing into the forest-green orbs of a young calico sat patiently on my lap. Snuffing out the lantern, I laid down and wrapped my arms around Hua-Hua as she snuggled against my chest.

          An intoxicating sweetness tickled my nose.

          I glanced over at the potted plants to find the tan-huas[17] blossoming. Head propped against the pillow; I watched as the tightly rolled petals bloom in slow motion. Its fiery red tendrils unfurling elegantly to reveal a profusion of feathery white petals, much like a swan ruffling its wings, about to take flight. In the darkness of night, its snowy petals seemed to glow from within, as if made of moonbeams. With moonlight streaming in from the lightwell above, even the floating dust particles were transformed into shimmering stardust dancing in the quiet night air.

          Yet, as enchanting as it was, I couldn’t help but remember that it would all come to an end very soon. By dawn, before the sun’s first kiss, its lustrous petals would be shrivelled up and a withered carmine carcass would be all that remains of its snowy beauty from the night before; its lingering exotic fragrance a ghost of its twilight arrival. There’s an old saying A-Gong used to describe the tan-huas blooming: an instant of beauty but a moment of eternity. Even though beautiful things don’t last forever, they live on eternally, etched into our deepest memories. Just like the tan-huas, my time left on this quaint little island was coming to an end. By dawn tomorrow, I too would be gone; and though I’d be leaving this cozy old house I called home, I’d take with me its memories, just as the scent and beauty of the tan-hua lingers on forever in the memory of all who witnessed it.

          Listening to the rustling palm leaves and soothing gurgle of running water, tension oozed out of my body as my muscles relaxed. The tranquillity of night imbued with the intoxicating sweetness of tan-huas calmed my racing thoughts and my eyelids started to droop. Just before being lulled to sleep by Hua-Hua’s soft purring, I caught sight of a glimmer of azure amongst the radiant white blooms. The fluttering of delicate wings; quiet footsteps; something warm being tucked around me; and the familiar scent of incense from eleven years ago accompanied me as I drifted off to sleep.

NOTES:

[1] Ji Ruan, ‘Reflexions’ in 300 Gems of Classical Chinese Poetry, trans. by Yuanchong Xu (China: Peking University Press) pp. 88-89

[2] ‘A-Poh’ means ‘grandmother’ in Hainanese

[3] ‘A-Gong’ means ‘grandfather’ in Hainanese

[4] ‘Jia bui lo!’ means ‘time to eat’ in Hainanese (one of the Chinese dialects).

[5] ‘Luohan bed’ is a traditional Chinese furniture equivalent to the modern sofa-bed. It is made of wood, often containing a low wooden tea table set in the center.

[6] ‘Di-Di’ means ‘younger brother’ in Chinese 

[7] ‘Mei-Mei’ means ‘younger sister’ in Chinese 

[8] ‘Hua-Hua’ means ‘flower’ or ‘patterned’ in Mandarin which is a reference to the calico cat’s tri-coloured coat as well as the fact that calicos are called ‘Yin-Hua-Bu-Mao’. The naming is also a pun and an allusion the association it has with the memories her grandfather and his favourite flowers – the tan-huas.

[9] ‘Marchnad Caerdydd’ means ‘Cardiff Market’ in Welsh.

[10] Lauren Elkin, ‘A tribute to female flaneurs: the women who reclaimed our city streets’, in Flaneuse: Woman Walk the City, (London: Chatto & Windus, 2016)

[11] Virginia Woolf, 'Street Haunting', in Selected Essays (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2009), pp. 177 - 187

[12] ‘Dim-sum’ is a style of Chinese cuisine that’s prepared in small bite-sized portions served in small steamer baskets or on a small plate. It is also a metaphor in this story for a Chinese saying: 麻雀虽小，五脏俱全 meaning ‘small as it is, the sparrow has all the vital organs’. Just like dim-sum, the narrator’s happiness comes from a seemingly insignificant object such as a bowl of shrimp dumplings.

[13] ‘Nai-Nai’ means ‘paternal grandmother’ but can also be used as a general reference to or a friendlier and more affectionate way of addressing an old woman which is often used to show the closeness of the relationship.

[14] ‘Ye-Ye’ means ‘paternal grandfather but can also be used as a general reference to or a friendlier and more affectionate way of addressing an old man which is often used to show the closeness of the relationship.

[15] ‘Crystal shrimp dumplings’ also known as ‘Har-gao’ are a staple dim-sum dish made of prawn semi-translucent wraps kneaded from flour. In Chinese culture, dumplings are normally associated with togetherness and reunions since the wrapping of dumplings is a group activity that is usually done with family which helps emphasizes on the sense of belonging within the narrative.

[16] ‘Erhu’ is a traditional Chinese two-stringed fiddle.

[17] ‘Tan-hua’ also known as Epiphyllum Oxypetalum is a species of cactus found in South America and Southeast Asia that blooms rarely and only at night. In the Chinese culture’s language of flowers, the tan-hua means ‘an instant of beauty, a moment of eternity’, meaning beautiful things don’t last forever but they last forever in our memories.

Author's Notes:

Back with Part 3 of the short story slash prose pieces from uni series (this part was also written in second year lol) The story is back to the present, picking up a year after that rocky start in Part 1 and A-Yun is now in her second year of uni reminiscing about the time leading up to her departure for the UK. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading Part 3~

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 

Since exams are over and graded and I've officially graduated, I can finally post my work online without having to worry about Turnitin picking it up as plagiarism because apparently you aren't allowed to plagiarise yourself according to university which is absolutely ridiculous but I'm not the one making the rules here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, please don't reupload my works without permission.

[alindakb]

Silent Tears - Chapter 1.1

Draco sits on the lid of the toilet. The timer he cast next to him counts down slowly. Draco tries not to look at it, or the vial on the counter. He wrings his hands together and stares at the floor. His wedding ring glistens in the light that filters in through the window. Draco lets out a breath when it catches his attention. The ring is a constant reminder that Harry loves him, no matter what. There is no reason to be this nervous. Draco hadn’t dared to tell Harry he’s taking a test today. Harry didn’t get why Draco couldn’t come along to pick up Teddy, but Draco just needs to know. He can’t wait any longer. He’s been so tired the last two weeks, and last night, Draco struggled to keep his diner down.

The timer rings and Draco takes a deep breath. He tells himself again that it doesn’t matter what the result is. They are still young, and they have all the time in the world to start a family of their own. Draco gets up and walks back to the counter. He stares at the vial. The liquid inside is a clear red. Draco grabs the instructions and skims towards the section that explains how to read the results. His eyes water and he looks back at the vial.

“I’m pregnant,” he whispers. His eyes fixed on the vial. His hand that holds the instructions shakes a little. In the distance, he hears the front door open and close again. He hears the excited cheer of Teddy and the stumbled steps of the little boy up the stairs.

“Careful, Teddy, we don’t want you to fall,” Harry says. His steps are secure and robust on the stairs. Draco takes another breath and wipes the tears from his eyes. He can’t have them find him like this in the bathroom, Teddy would just get upset, and that is the last thing Draco wants. He steps into the bedroom just when Teddy opens the door.

“Uncle Draco,” Teddy screams before he runs into Draco’s arms. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Teddy. Did you have a good time with your grandma Andromeda?”

Teddy nods and then pulls his little backpack off his back. “I’ve packed my own bag,” he announces proudly.

“Well done, you. Did you bring everything? Your pyjamas? And your toothbrush?” Draco asks him.

Teddy looks at his bag and shakes his head. “No toothbrush,” he states. “My teeth don’t need brushing.”

Harry laughs from the bed. Draco looks at him, and Harry holds up a second bag, the one packed no doubt by Andromeda.

“We’ll see about that once it’s time for bed,” Draco tells Teddy. He picks the boy up and walks to the bed and sits down next to Harry. Harry rests his head on Draco’s shoulder.

“Are you ready to tell me why you couldn’t come with me to pick up Teddy?” Harry asks.

Draco lets Teddy slip from his lap. The boy runs to his room, shouting he needs to say hello to Dragon.

“You don’t have to,” Harry continues. “I just worry about you. I know you haven’t been feeling well lately.”

“I know,” Draco answers. “I didn’t want to get your hopes up for if I was wrong.” Draco knows how important a family is to Harry, how he wishes to have multiple children one day to love and cherish. He would have been so disappointed if it had just been a silly flu that made Draco so sick and tired.

“Wrong about what?” Harry asks. He lifts his head and looks at Draco.

Draco squeezes Harry’s hand and smiles at him. “Wrong about being pregnant,” he says with a massive grin on his face.

Draco watches as the confusions on Harry’s face slowly fades and how his eyes light up and sparkle behind his glasses. “You’re pregnant?” Harry asks in a small voice. Draco nods in confirmation. “We’re going to have a baby?” Harry continues and Draco nods again. It’s a treat to see the pure joy on Harry’s face and to see him inch forwards to catch Draco’s lips in a kiss.

“Gross,” Teddy comments from the doorway making Harry and Draco laugh into their kiss just before they separate. Harry slides his free hand over Draco’s stomach and leaves it there while he rests his head on Draco’s shoulder again. Draco looks at Teddy who looks at them with small eyes. Draco wonders what the little kid thinks of them from time to time.

Teddy has his stuffed dragon in his left hand and his right thumb stuck in his mouth. Andromeda wants him to stop with the thumb thing, but it looks so cute on the boy that Draco can’t get it over his heart to tell him to stop. Draco holds out his hand. Teddy moves to them slowly his eyes fixed on Harry’s hand on Draco’s stomach. Draco helps him climb on his lap. Teddy burrows himself against Draco’s chest. Draco holds him in place and kisses him on the top of his head. He puts his other arm around Harry and closes his eyes, enjoying the moment. He’s got his two favourite boys in his arms and in less than nine months he’d need another arm for the new addition to his strange little family.

“I love you both,” Draco utters before he places another kiss on top of Teddy’s head and then one on Harry’s. “But now it’s time to make lunch. I’m hungry.”

Harry laughs beside him and lifts his head. The smile on his face is beautiful. Draco still can’t believe it’s all real. That for the last five months he’s been allowed to introduce himself as Draco Potter, the famous Harry Potter’s husband. And now they are having a baby, expending their little family one small piece at a time.

“I love you too,” Harry says and then gets up. “Egg sandwiches or grilled cheese?”

“Grilled cheese,” Teddy screams. “I want grilled cheese.”

“So grilled cheese it is,” Harry answers. He walks out of the room.

“I wanted egg sandwiches,” Draco tells Teddy. Teddy laughs and tells Draco he can have them when Teddy is at his grandma’s. Draco shakes his head and then lifts Teddy into the air. Teddy giggles and holds out Dragon to make him fly with him. Draco pulls Teddy back against his chest before he walks them out of the room and down the stairs.

“Wait!” Teddy shouts when they are about halfway. “I want to say hi to mom and dad,” he continues.

Draco stops in front of the picture of Lupin and Tonks. Teddy puts his small hand next to them and smiles at them. “Hi, mom and dad. I’m going to be a big brother,” he tells the picture. “Can’t stay, uncle Harry is making grilled cheese sandwishes.”

“Sandwiches,” Draco corrects Teddy. Teddy tries to say the word again. It comes out a little bit more like it’s supposed to and Draco lets it go. They reach the kitchen just in time to see Harry place the cheesed up slices of bread in the pan with sizzling butter on the stove.

“Somebody just told his parents that he’s going to be a big brother,” Draco says while he takes three plates from the cupboard and gives them to Harry.

“How does he do that? He figured out Fleur was pregnant before they told anyone too.” Harry shakes his head and looks at Teddy, who has climbed on his chair at the head of the table and has his thumb in his mouth again.

Draco gets some juice for them all and then sits down on the left side of Teddy. “Why do you think you’re going to be a big brother?” Draco asks him.

“Uncle Harry kissed you and then placed his hand on your belly,” Teddy says without any doubt, not taking his eyes of Dragon who is flying above the table. Teddy’s hair has turned the same dark green as the stuffed animal. Andromeda says that Tonks was the same around this age, constantly changing her hair colour without even realising it. It’s a good thing; it means that Teddy is more like his mother than his father. It will make full moons so much easier down the line. Harry had been worried about it once he read about young werewolf children having to go through that change every couple of weeks and how they would get locked up alone to make sure they wouldn’t hurt anyone. Harry said he would never leave Teddy to go through something like that alone. So when Teddy changed his hair colour to platinum about a year ago, when Draco was comforting him after he fell from his little broom, Draco had cried in relief. He wouldn’t have to fear for his lover's life every couple of weeks because he would go and lock himself in with a baby werewolf.

“I’m bringing the food to the table,” Harry announces. Dragon makes one final lap over the table and then lands neatly on the chair next to Draco just when Harry puts the plates filled with cheesy sandwiches in front of them all. He sits down across from Draco and shakes his head. “Are all magic children this good at magic when they are this young?” he asks.

Draco lifts his shoulders. “Don’t know. Mother used to tell me how I would make toys fly back to me when my father had confiscated them. But I don’t think I was as in control of my magic as Teddy is.”

Harry nods his head and looks at Teddy. “He will be an amazing big brother,” he says before he takes a bite of his grilled sandwich. Draco smiles at him and agrees before he starts on his sandwich.

[brotbrotbrotlamb]

amortentia

“Look, the only thing that has changed is the way I’m acting towards you,” she rolled her eyes, “everything else stayed the same. And you’re being really dumb and annoying right now, but I still love you to the moon and back.”

Staring at her, nonplussed, Bread nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Suddenly, she said, “Kiss me.”

He choked.

Warnings: n/a

Word count: 3k

“So class,” said Professor Slughorn one day, “today we will be brewing this potion.”

He motioned to a cauldron in front of the class, which contained a liquid with a distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen. 

“Can anyone tell me what it is and what its properties are?”

Patricia Havisham’s hand in front of Lamb shot up.

“Yes, Miss Havisham?” 

“Amortentia, Sir. Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. Despite its power, Amortentia doesn't create actual love; it's impossible to manufacture or imitate love. The person under the effect of the potion will only hold an obsession for the person who administered it,” her housemate basically recited the textbook.

“Wonderful memory work, Miss Havisham! Five points to Gryffindor,” Slughorn smiled, and Havisham ducked her head. Lamb snorted softly, knowing that Slughorn, being a Slytherin, definitely knew what he was doing when he said “memory work”. 

“Really, laughing at your own housemate?” an annoying voice entered her ears. “How unkind of you, Chan.”

“Shut up, you ho,” Lamb’s smile fell from her face immediately, only to be replaced by a scowl. “As if you Slytherins would have any sympathy for your own housemates.”

“At least we seem united,” Bread smirked mockingly, and Lamb wished for the three thousandth time that she wasn’t sitting beside him, but Slughorn wanted to encourage inter-house unity and all.

“Miss Chan, would you like to answer this question?” Slughorn suddenly focused his attention on her.

“Oh,” she started, before raising her shoulders slightly in a shrug. “Uh, professor, could you repeat your question?”

“What are some distinctive features of Amortentia?”

“Well, uh, it has a mother-of-pearl sheen and its steam rises in spirals. You can also smell the person you like in the potion."

"Correct! Five more points to Gryffindor. Anyways…" Slughorn started talking, but Lamb tuned his voice out. There was really nothing you couldn't learn about Amortentia from the textbooks. Her gaze absentmindedly wandered to the cauldron at the front of the class, where the Amortentia was. She wondered what it smelled like.

Then, Bread was standing up and everyone was standing up and Slughorn was going back to his desk… Wait, that meant it was brewing time.

"Slow reflexes, Chan?" Bread said, grabbing a handful of ashwinder eggs and moonstones. 

"None of your business, anyway," she pursed her lips, occasionally glancing back at the board to ensure she had the right ingredients. "Have you really got nothing else to do other than to taunt me?"

"It's not taunting," he said, "it's affectionate teasing.”

Lamb gagged.

The lesson passed by uneventfully. Lamb ground up the moonstone and chucked in the ingredients while Bread was responsible for stirring the potion. 

“It’s one pearl, not two,” Bread hissed, barely stopping her from throwing in two mother-of-pearls. 

“It is?” Lamb raised an eyebrow, glancing at the board, which clearly said “one mother-of-pearl”. She put one down and dropped the other one into the potion. “So it is.”

“I know you’re dumb, but please take this seriously, Chan,” Bread sneered, “that way you won’t be a complete disappointment.”

“What’s the use of being good at potions if you have an unfixable, ugly personality?” she rolled her eyes right back. “It was just a lapse in focus. Last week you nearly put four lionfish spines and exploded the entire class.”

“It was three.”

“It’s still wrong,” Lamb replied, before noting that a pleasant scent was wafting from their cauldron. Leaning closer, she frowned. “Is it done already? I still haven’t put in the rose thorns.”

“Wait,” Bread suddenly narrowed his eyes and began taking steps back. “Wait, step away.”

“No, what did you to it? I put all the ingredients in the right order,” ignoring his words, Lamb positioned her face above the cauldron, trying to discern the abnormality. “It looks more orange than white. Bread, what did you—”

BOOM!

An earth-shaking explosion rocked the entire classroom. The contents of the entire cauldron shot out of the cauldron, covering Lamb and somehow only Lamb with the unfinished mixture. There was a moment of absolute silence, in which the girl stared at herself, surprised that she wasn’t covered in burns, before sinking down in her chair.

“Miss Lamb! Mister Bread! What happened here?” Slughorn’s voice was stricter than she had ever heard it. Just when she tried to answer, a dizzying spell came over her, causing her eyes to roll to the back of her head and her entire body to lurch forward unexpectedly. Something soft caught her just as her head headed for the corner of the table, saving her just in time.

Slowly, the dizzy spell cleared, and she could gradually regain control of her senses. Looking up, Lamb was met with the dumb face of her seat-mate… Wait… No…

“Bread,” she said, the clarity of her voice surprising even herself. The boy who was currently supporting her weight flinched, before turning to her, snapping, “What?”

“You’re really hot, you know that?” her mouth said on its own accord. Lamb gasped, appalled for a split second, before her brain dissolved into mush. Yeah, yeah, she agreed. “You are really, really hot.”

Starting from that day onwards, Hogwarts was no longer peaceful.

-

“Are you serious?” Lamb knew that the boy beside her was raging, but she didn’t really want to know why, because he looked so manly while he yelled. Staring dreamily at the object of her dreams for the past few days, she sighed in satisfaction. If only she could stare at him forever.

“Apologies, Bread,” Slughorn sighed, except he was sighing for a completely different reason. “I can’t make an antidote unless I know exactly what you and Miss Lamb put in that potion.”

“Can’t we just give her a general antidote? Anything to stop her from acting like,” he gestured furiously to her, “like this?”

“Hey!” Lamb exclaimed, drawing the attention of the two other people in the room. “I still can understand you, you know? Just because a cauldron exploded in my face doesn’t mean my intelligence is impaired. Plus, I don’t want to go back to before.”

Bread muttered something that sounded like, “You have no intelligence to be ‘impaired’.”

“M’boy,” Slughorn said, his tone somewhat mournful, “you know we administered the antidote for Amortentia yesterday. There were no changes. Unless we know the exact procedure you followed yesterday, there is almost no chance of getting the correct antidote.”

“There’s no way of stopping this?” Bread said, horrified.

“Unless it wears off, of course,” Slughorn added, but then hesitated. “But… this seems to be a very potent potion. It’s unclear when this will wear off.”

Bread sagged in his seat, and Lamb would have giggled at the sight of him seemingly aging decades in a single second had she not realised that he looked good no matter what he did.

“Oh my God,” she said, “Bread. You look so handsome no matter how I—”

“Stop,” he snapped, then glanced at Slughorn and added, “please.”

Lamb pouted.

-

“I just don’t understand how I hated him before,” Lamb ranted to her friends as they walked through the doors of the Great Hall. “He’s just so dashing, and handsome, and sweet, and kind, and patient, and I don’t know how I was so blind before!”

“Uh,” Chocolate interrupted, “one of your reasons was that he was a Slytherin.”

“Oh, seriously, house unity is what’s really important,” Lamb rolled her eyes. “I was so stupid. There’s nothing wrong with inter-house dating.”

“Dating?” Jelly made a lenny face. “Are we really going there?”

“I mean, she’s under the effects of a failed Amortentia,” Xiaolongbao pointed out. “So, duh.”

“It’s not failed,” Lamb argued, “I’d say it’s the most successful batch that’s ever been made. Bread indeed, making everything he does better and more perfect.”

Suddenly, her eyes lit up as she spotted someone walking in with his friends. 

“Bread!” she yelled, getting up from her seat.

“Do we stop her?” Sorbet asked, conflicted.

“No,” Xiaolongbao replied at the same time Chocolate said, “yes.”

Glaring at the former, Chocolate explained, “I’d rather Lamb get angry at me now than her getting mad at me after the potion wears off.”

Shuddering at the thought, Xiaolongbao conceded. “That’s true.”

Lamb was about to launch herself at Bread when Chocolate abruptly grabbed her arm and pulled her back. 

“Sorry, gents,” her friend smiled sarcastically, “just doing some damage control. Oi, Lamb, come on!”

“Noooooo,” she whined as she was dragged bit by bit back to the Gryffindor table. “I was going to confess my love!”

“Everyone is watching!” Chocolate hissed, glancing around the Great Hall and noticing that everyone’s eyes were on them, even the professors. “You can do it later. Please. Just come back now.”

Lamb frowned, but gave in. “Fine.”

-

“Bread,” Lamb said to him once she sat down beside him in potions.

He looked up, surprise flashing over his face at the fact that she wasn’t professing her love for him for once. “What?”

“Go with me to Hogsmeade this Sunday.”

She watched him sag, like she had just obliterated his hopes and dreams. 

“No.”

“Please!”

“No.”

“Pretty please.”

“I will never say yes.”

“You will say yes!” Lamb declared. Suddenly, her face morphed to one of confusion. “Wait. What did I just say?”

“I will say yes?” Bread repeated, before realising too late with a look of dawning horror on his face.

“Yes! See, I told you you would say yes,” Lamb grinned, looping her arm around his. Bread flinched, but didn’t move his hand away. She would come right back if he did. “You’re the best crush ever.”

“Crush?” he repeated, bemused.

“Well, I want to change that to boyfriend if you’d let me,” she smirked, and he instantly turned his head away, slightly mortified at the fact that she was the one flirting with him.

“No,” he said, and her face fell. “No, and that’s final.”

-

“Honestly, Madam Puddifoot’s is just,” she scrunched her nose up, shaking her head. “I don’t know what sort of vapid, uncultured, shallow person goes into that place. I would die before I brought my boyfriend,” she grinned, before tiptoeing to boop his nose, “to that sort of place.”

He scrunched his nose too, but for a completely different reason. “Dude. I know you’re under a love potion, but stop calling me your boyfriend. I’m not.”

“But it’s so cute,” Lamb’s smile dropped, “you’re cute.”

He barely resisted the smile that subconsciously appeared at her words.

“Stop spouting nonsense,” he scowled, though there was no heat behind his words. 

“But anyway,” she ignored him, “let’s go to Zonkos! I know you love the jokes. I’m not a big fan of them but hey! If you love them I’ll accompany you too. Because that’s what girlfriends do.”

“For the last time,” he said through clenched teeth, “I’m not your boyfriend, you’re not my girlfriend, and we’re not in a relationship. I’m only doing this so you won’t kill me for embarrassing you entirely in front of the school.”

“Oh, when I go back to normal, silly me is going to think I’m embarrassing her anyway,” Lamb waved her hand dismissively, “so don’t worry. And anyway, surely you know that I’m even infatuated with you because you were the person for which I held the most romantic attraction?”

He stopped in the middle of Hogsmeade, drawing a few curious looks. “What?” he hissed, incredulous.

She shook her head. “And I thought you were intelligent. The reason why I’m even affected by a supposedly-failed potion like that is because I liked someone at all. If I was aromantic, like I’m sure Chocolate probably is, it wouldn’t work on me at all.”

He glanced at her strangely, trying to mask the turmoil within him. “Why are you strangely sentient?”

“Look, the only thing that has changed is the way I’m acting towards you,” she rolled her eyes, “everything else stayed the same. And you’re being really dumb and annoying right now, but I still love you to the moon and back.”

Staring at her, nonplussed, Bread nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Suddenly, she said, “Kiss me.”

He choked.

-

Fortunately (or unfortunately, Bread’s traitorous mind suggested), they didn’t actually get to that. 

-

It was the middle of Potions and they were brewing the Invigoration Draught when Lamb suddenly seized up in her spot beside him. Bread, concerned, looked over at the girl, only to meet her panicked and distressed eyes, and he instantly knew.

He just knew.

It had been exactly a month since the cauldron exploded in her face.

Even as she bolted out of the classroom, ignoring Slughorn’s calls, he didn’t do anything to stop her. Instead, he continued brewing the potion, his heart and his mind battling for dominance. While his brain told him he should clearly be relieved at such a nightmare passing, his heart was screaming for him to chase after her, be sad, declare his love for her, anything for her to come back.

He chose to believe he was relieved, even while his heart ached in the corner.

Why. Was. He. Even. Sad?

-

“Oh my God, Lamb, please come out and eat,” Chocolate pleaded through the door of the bathroom. “It’s been a day. You will actually die. Plus, I can’t see you, but I’m sure you look ugly crying.”

Lamb laughed involuntarily, choking on it right after. Her body was trembling, wracked with all the sobs she managed to muster after coming back to her senses. She had embarrassed herself for one whole month, thirty whole days, in front of the entire school.

At that thought, the tears began falling again.

“Lamb! Please come out! We’ll Obliviate everyone for you!” Xiaolongbao yelled.

“We’ll send Bread to China so you’ll never see him,” Jelly suggested.

“I mean, like, who needs Bread anyway?” Sorbet said, unsure. Immediately afterwards, multiple voices started yelling, and through the noise, Lamb could pick out a “Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I was trying to be helpful!” and she snorted at her friends’ immaturity.

Going out felt like dying. She couldn’t believe she had been so bold, so stupid, so un-Lamb. She wasn’t even sure if she could face anyone ever again.

“Lamb I WILL BUST THIS DOOR OPEN IF YOU DON’T COME OUT! I WON’T LET YOU STARVE!” Chocolate screamed, and started banging on the door.

“Okay, okay,” Lamb conceded, wiping her tears off her face. Staring at herself in the mirror, she realised she looked like an absolute nightmare. “I’m coming out.”

“FINALLY!” Jelly exclaimed.

-

When she saw Bread in the corridor, she bolted immediately in the opposite direction.

-

“Hey,” he said, giving her a mini heart attack with the way he appeared just behind her. She gave him no time to talk before sprinting away maniacally, as if chased by Dementors.

“Please wait!” he called, but she ignored it, focusing on the sound of her beating heart. Whether it was exercise or nerves, she didn’t know.

-

She skipped Potions just for this. She was sure Slughorn would understand.

-

Lamb gasped as she was pulled into an alcove. Looking up, she saw the face that had been haunting her like a malevolent spirit that just wouldn’t go away. She paled dramatically, and tried to tug her hand away.

“Let go,” she whispered, but he didn’t budge.

“No,” he said, before taking in a deep breath.

“Look,” he said, and she did exactly that. “I know you’re embarrassed. But like, uh, you don’t really have to. I don’t think so. Because like, you know, you’re only embarrassed if like, the person that’s involved in whatever you did, uh, doesn’t like it or has a bad impression of you. But like, hey, that didn’t happen. So, uh, you don’t have to be sad. Or starve yourself. I haven’t seen you eat properly in days.”

Lamb struggled to understand. 

“You’ve been watching me eat?” she settled for a question.

His lips flattened into a straight line as his hand rubbed his neck.

“I mean like,” he said awkwardly, “I’ve kinda always been watching you?”

“What are you, a stalker?” she asked.

Even though it was dark, she could see his embarrassment. “I expected something else but. like, okay…”

“No, no,” she backtracked. “I like it.”

She wanted to slap herself.

They stared at each other for a long time.

“So what you, or not you, or maybe it was you,” he fumbled, “what you said about having feelings for me already, leading to you actually getting affected. Was that… was that true?”

There it was, the dreaded question. What should she say? Yes? No? The truth? A lie?

“You want the truth or the lie?”

“Obviously the truth.”

Lamb took a deep breath.

“No,” she told him, watching his reaction carefully. Instantly, his face crumbled, before an impenetrable mask blocked any feelings from even showing on his face.

“I see,” he said icily, “I’ll leave you alone.”

Then, before she could help it, a grin, so wide she felt like she was splitting her face in two, took over her face and swept her off her feet. 

“Dude,” she said, and he stopped, hearing the clear smile in her voice. “I was joking. The answer is yes a hundred times over.”

He froze.

“Because yes, I, uh,” she stuttered, feeling her cheeks heat up. “I like you, okay? I do like you. And I hate that it took this stupid potion for me to actually show it but like, yes! I do like you!”

Slowly, he turned to face her, the same shit-eating grin she had on her face on his.

“Good, because, uh,” he paused, before saying, “I think I might like you too.���

And so Hogwarts became peaceful again.

taglist: @danishmiilk​ @slippinglasses​ 

[lairofsentinel]

Aaravos the biggest manipulator and the secret related to Zym

I always thought that the line "How I may serve you" is the best line to introduce a super manipulator char that knows what's doing and makes sure to put his victim in a less defensive attitude. When Viren listens that phrase, he doesn't doubt about it, he relaxes a bit. But Aaravos is half-smiling. He knows the effect of that line in a human mind [there is a strong parallel with Harrow telling Viren that he is a servant too]. Aaravos has just started the process of “touching” Viren’s mind.

We also saw his incredible manipulative skills in the scene of the horse, heading to Lux Aurea. Viren doesn't know about the "plan" [nobody does except Aaravos], and Aarvos is insisting that what Viren truly needs is "to conquer Xadia". It's not Viren's first desire to come up. He says 3 times different desires all of them related to keep humanity safe. And Aaravos "convinces" him that such desire requires to CONQUER Xadia. And then he follows praising him for that thought that Viren did not have. “It’s a noble achievement”. 

Manipulation is all about this, about doing inception of ideas in the other, making them think they were the ones thinking about it first.  Aaravos is the biggest inception master ever. 

However, it’s true that such scene could be seen in two different ways: Aaravos revealing the true hidden desires of Viren, showing that he always was a damn corrupted Mage thirsty for power, or  the whole scene is a demonstration of how much effect Aaravos has on him. I prefer to see it as the last one, since in Season 1 we were witnesses of a Viren that he truly wanted to save Humanity, not always using the best means to do that and certainly not with the best plans, but his intention was more humanity-related. If we want to make another parallel, Viren used to be  towards humanity like Claudia is towards her family members. 

In those three times in which Viren rejects the idea of conquering Xadia, I think we saw the last bits of that old Viren of S01, to be completely eating up by Aaravos. From that moment on, the bug is bigger. 

The bug, which for the first time comes out from Viren's inside, is bigger because I think there is a symbol there: it ate the last bits of Viren's essence. That essence that keeps being hurt by Dark Magic [or maybe it just ate the light power hurting Viren?]. I always was mad with this scene because I never can find a coherent answer to explain why this bug got bigger here, before taking the light/fire power, before biting the light priest and possess him.

[I realised that the Touching power in Aaravos is also explicit since there is always blood involved. This bug comes from his own blood mixed with Viren’s, and when it bites this priest, Aaravos can take control of him, because now his blood is “touched” by him.]

What we can be sure with this scene, though, is that he thinks in Viren as a “Vessel”. Aaravos is not serving him in the slightest. Viren is a mean to him, and he is quite explicit in that scene. That’s exactly what he said to Kessha Queen.

If I risk a theory, I would not be surprised if Aaravos has a goal related to "destroy dragons", it’s obvious that something happened during the Sol Regem time that we don’t know. The Sun Dragon and the Sunfire elves [which I assume they serve that particular Dragon, and that’s why Aditi Queen related in all this] did something to him that requieres some kind of vengeance or “correction” in his eyes. But it's impossible to say it with a level of certainty.

Aaravos certainly has a deep interest in Zym. And Zym is special for something else, something more important than being a heir [they can always choose another family dragon to continue with the dragon kingdom, right? We got Sol Regem (Sun), then Luna Tenebris (Moon), and now Avizandum (Air) ]. When Rayla's parents defended the egg, and the Skywing elf told them to flee, they shared a strange dialogue: "He is the only hope" [hope for what?]

Since episode one we were told that the egg was the only chance to have peace, that’s why Rayla started her journey with Callum and Ezran. But during Rayal’s parents time, there was not a “war” in the same sense that there was in Rayla’s. 

So far we were told, Humans harvested a magical molten creature to prevent famine in Duren. That killed its queens and Sarai. Harrow then goes for vengeance and kills Avizandum and takes the Egg. 

I don’t know how a simple Egg could be hope of anything in that context when the situation of killing the molten creature was kind of “avenged” by killing 3 queens.

For some reason, Zym is destined to do something that any other Dragon could not do [and Rayla’s parents know this apparently], and THAT's what Aaravos is after. And since all this History content is most of the time narrated by Aaravos himself, we don’t TRULY know what’s so important about Zym, because he IS manipulating us too. He is feeding us a story with his half smile on his face. 

Also, not by chance the series is called "The Dragon Prince" XD. Zym is speshul somehow. 

P.D.

It also bugs [lol] me to no end that Moonshadows have not Queen/King [they are a pretty role-based society after all, they are not like the Skywings]. There is something we are not being told by Aaravos, we are losing a lot of information abut the true History context of all this mess by just looking at that screenshot we got in the first episode. 

Why Moonshadows lost their royalty family if they had it? why they started to serve the “air” dragons? Since the Sunfire priest is holding the same staff, should we assume that the one with the moon staff is also a priest? A Moon Nexus keeper instead a Queen/King? The guy behind this char is a moonshadow assessin, that’s pretty clear. And then we have a skywing without any kind of question, and then an elf we can’t place in any other race than Sunfire since they are wearing the same marks in their face. What happened with Ocean and Earth elves? They never appeared in the History, and Aaravos is not considering them either. So many questions.  

[gins-potter]

Hi Jess, question for you that I thought would be interesting. If you had to headcanon the planets from Winx Club as any country/culture on Earth which would be which?

Sorry this took me so long anon, when I started to write this I realised I didn’t know nearly as much about other cultures as I thought.  So this probably isn’t what you had in mind but rather than risk falling into dumb stereotypes I’m just going to describe what the planets are like and you can make the connections you like.  Also this is super long so I’m adding a read more.

Magix - Magix is the only culture I connect with an actual country, which is Australia.  Or maybe an idealised Australian culture anyway, how the rest of the world sees us (even if we kind of fail sometimes).  I think Australian culture is all about lots of different cultures coming together and appreciating what each one can bring to the table and appreciating the differences.  And I think this is similar to Magix because they’re mostly known for being the planet where the four ancient species (fairies, witches, wizards, and heroes) as well as countless other species/sub-species etc. all live together in (relative) harmony.  Magix is fairly self-sufficient, they have a nice mix of rural farmland and large cities, and they’re lead by a council of elected representatives.

Sparx - Sparxian culture isn’t necessarily community based, but nor is it individualistic.  There are clear definitive family units, but they exist in rather close communities, the kind where you don’t think twice about heading next door to see if they have an egg to spare, or heading over with a home cooked meal if you knew your neighbour was ill.  There is some formality amongst the upper classes, and particularly Miriam’s brothers and sisters can be a bit snobbish (even Oritel can be sometimes) but she’s trying to get them to relax a bit.  The magic that surrounds the planet keeps it sunny and warm basically all year round, although they do have mild winters, so their fashion is rather light to keep them cool.  The architecture kind of reminds me of Italy actually, lots of stone, and really ornate, beautiful designs, and lots of balconies.  They’re lead by a monarchy, the Drago royal family, and the heir to the throne is chosen by the former King and Queen, usually their first born although there are exceptions.

Solaria - Solaria is a chill country (although not weather wise).  If Sparxians are comfortable asking for a spare egg, most Solarians will just walk in and take the damn thing.  They’re a people really comfortable with each other and their royal family.  But that’s not something that just happened, it took a long time to foster that sort of environment.  When Radius’ father came to power there was a lot of dissent between the lower classes, and a lot of dislike for the royal family who they felt didn’t listen to their concerns.  So Radius’ father turned the planet into a constitutional monarchy, with the King/Queen (who is the oldest born) working closely with a board of elected representatives.  It’s summer basically all year for Solarians because they have 3 suns so their fashion sense is very very casual, and some might consider it a little scandalous.  One of their moons however is freezing and most people have holiday homes on it that they escape to a few times in the year, and if someone didn’t have one, they probably know someone who has one which they’re free to hijack.

Eraklyon - Eraklyon has a much more formal culture than most other planets.  Their nobility conforms to much stricter rules than even Sparx, noble parents tend to control much of their children’s lives, and all of them are politically inclined.  This is reflected even in the lower classes (though there isn’t much division between the lower and upper classes), where families tend to only have one or two children, and are rather conservative and adhere to stricter gender roles.  Citizens of Eraklyon tend to value money over everything else (probably comes with being one of the wealthiest planets in the dimension) which is maybe why they don’t have many children.  Brandon’s family completely breaks this mold because he’s the eldest of 7 children, and has two working class parents (his father is captain of the royal guard, and his mother is a dressmaker).  Erakylon is a monarchy, and the heir to the throne is the eldest son.

Tides/Andros - Tides and Andros are technically actually two different realms even though they are on the same planet.  Tides and Andros were divided when an ancient fairy had two sons, the elder, a wizard, was gifted the physical land to rule over (Andros), while the younger son, a merman, was gifted the oceans to rule over (Tides).  The two royal families remained close, as do their descendants, working closely together to form a strong alliance between the realms.  While both royal families are fairly strict, their people are very casual and there’s a strong sense of community, both in their own realm, but also with the other as well.

Linphea - Kind of like Tides/Andros, Linpheans are a very casual people and don’t follow traditional roles and rules.  They don’t have a government per se, but are broken into smaller regions which govern themselves via councils of elders although all citizens can voice their opinions, and have emissaries to interact with the other regions.  They rarely come into conflict as most Linpheans are pacifists, and believe strongly in talking through issues rather than jumping into arguments or physical fights.  They’re a people who believe in the importance of hard work, and their greatest connection is with the land around them, which many of them tend to.  They don’t eat a lot of plants, but tend to eat mostly meat and carbs, with some vegetables.

Harmonic Nebula - The Harmonic Nebula is actually a collection of small planets that are ruled by a royal family who reside in the central, and largest planet, Harmony.  The royal family is incredibly strict (with the exception of Musa’s grandmother, the empress consort) and everything they do is strictly regulated by the highest ranked members of the family.  The non-royal society in contrast is much more relaxed, although certain families can still have strict heads of house.  There’s a big street community, especially in Harmony’s capital city, and it’s not uncommon to find street fairs going most days with stalls to sell food, jewelry and other items, and people playing music all the time.  The royal family tends to only play classical music.

Zenith - Zenith is a rather individualistic society, community ties aren’t strong, even family’s can be quite aloof with each other.  The focus of Zenith tends to be placed on knowledge, education, and the pursuit of both those things, so while personal connections aren’t necessarily frowned upon, they aren’t encouraged either.  Most of the planet is taken up by cityscape, and their food is grown experimentally or imported in from other planets.  Most gatherings are celebrations of achievement, or for the sharing of knowledge, and things like exercise, or other hobbies aren’t done simply for the fun of them but because they’ve been calculated to benefit the individual in some way.  Zenith is a democracy.

So there you go anon, this got super long, and a bit messy since I just threw it together but I hope it’s what you were looking for.

[crazed-rambling]

Unconfirmed Conversations of the Werewolves of Lancaster

“Has everyone got their spare change of clothes in the cars?”

A chorus of grumbled agreements and head nods followed

“I know I know we all know but it’s my job to ask. Remember Jack?”

“-I was 15! It was 20 years ago man”

Gethin continued as though the indignant yell had not happened, this in itself was as much a part of the routine as anything else. “We don’t want another repeat of – Are those jeans Colin? What happened to your shorts?”

“They’re in the wash” A sigh.

“Well take them off and put them in the van”

“I’m not taking them off its like 3 degrees out”

“Enjoy the chafing.” That image is enough to have the older members of the group wincing, they’ve all made that mistake at least once. The 70s were a rough time between the denim and the leather.

It seems to be enough to convince Colin as he grimaces and sending one last look to the heavens praying for another option shucks off his jeans and begins his walk of shame through the trees towards the church car park. The chuckles die down quickly as people are soon distracted by their own preparations.

Only his companions continue to look back through the trees, waiting for their friend to reappear.

“Could he be any slower, my dissertation is due next week”

“And I want to be at the Netball social Nathan but unless you’ve listed your fursona as a co-author I don’t think you’re getting much done tonight” quipped the girl next to him, as she pulled her box braids out of her face using a scrunchie.

“Blocked”

“Piss off you meme loving fuck”

“Amanda! Noah and Adam are right there.” Shit. A glance to her right confirms that the alpha was right, there were in fact two six-year olds looking at her in a mix of horror and fascination. “Sorry James”

“Don’t worry about it they already heard me watching Game of Thrones, there’s no way around our hearing”

“Still let’s try and control our language while we’re here, no need to make James’ life any harder” ensuring he made clear eye contact with the main offenders before the reappearance of Colin clad only in striped boxers put an end to any attempts Gethin could make at being serious.

“Dad! Adam took the ipad!”

“You said I could have a go next”

Sure enough the moment they realised that the attention was no longer on them the twins began to fight. At this age they were more wolf than child, especially around full moons, they would fight over anything and everything, they’d mellow out soon…

“My turn wasn’t over”

“Was”

… hopefully.

He glanced to the balding man beside the two hellraisers, who mouthed “sorry” across the clearing, resignation in his eyes. Clearly this was not a new fight.

“What is the ipad doing here? Go put it in the car, before it gets broken” Two identical faces began to open their mouths in protest… “Now.” …and closed

He watched the two backs retreat for just long enough to ensure that they were doing as he said before turning to the teenage girl at his side, with thinly veiled frustration “Why did you let them bring the ipad?”

“I didn’t know they had it,”

“Why didn’t you ask?”

“I didn’t know I had to”

The longer they spoke the more defensive Lydia seemed to become, it felt like that’s all James did with his daughter these days was argue.

“I asked you to look after them Lydia!”

The last straw, and her round face began to contort; nose and mouth pushing forwards, remaining baby fat retreating, fangs bared as she snarled “And I’m not mum!”

Even as she said it her eyes widened as if she, as well as everyone who couldn’t help but eavesdrop, was taken aback by her outburst. At the reminder of what they’d lost both seemed to visibly deflate, her face transforming back into a mask of regret, she never meant to hurt her father.

“I’m sorry honey. I’m just. It’s.” They rarely seemed to speak of April these days, too scared of hurting the other, so when the time came, he could never seem to find the words. It would be easier not to say anything, to let things return to the status quo on their own; his daughter already seemed to regret yelling. It would be easier. But his daughter was in pain, her lips pressed flat and eyes staring resolutely ahead in the way she only did when she was trying to hold back tears.

“I’m sorry. I just miss your mum on transformation nights. It feels like she was able to do anything.”

“She was pretty awesome” a small smile, “I’ll keep an eye on Adam and Noah tonight.” An olive branch; not quite forgiveness but an understanding. This didn’t mean there wasn’t a long overdue conversation to be had when they got home. James felt a comforting presence at his shoulder as she watched her retreating back. It had been months but he still couldn’t shake her, sometimes it seemed all that she left behind was Lydia’s hair, and the twin’s eyes.

“She’s a good kid”

“I know, God knows she gets it from her mum”

“And you.” He wanted to say more, but it would have to wait as his attention was drawn to the moonlight shining from behind the clouds. It was almost time. As much as James needed his friend, everyone here needed an alpha and this was the night when Gethin couldn’t afford to play favourites.

  “Everyone back? Yes. Good.” Few words were required after a transformation, no one was really listening. The only thing that mattered to anyone at this point was food and sleep, in that order. So after a perfunctory check that everyone was no worse for wear, beyond a couple of pairs of torn shorts, Gethin dismissed them and everyone began walking in the direction of the cars.

The church car park was always just a little too small, so people crowded around the cars as they changed into slightly less torn clothes, murmuring goodbyes and promises to see each other soon as they attempted to stay out of the way of cars as they manoeuvred out

Normally ride sharing would not be a great difficulty, but Gethin couldn’t help but feel like he’d somehow drawn the short straw with his group. Didn’t students own cars these days?

“Did we have to be a bible study group, if I have to bail out on a social for ‘Bible Study’ one more time just kill me ‘cause god knows my social life will already be dead”

“Do you have any other ideas for why a group of random people meet up once a month in the woods behind the church? Because I’m all ears.”

“Satanic cult? Family Reunion?”

“-Is it really a reunion if its once a month?”

“Amanda you’re black, I’m Chinese, and Colin is so white the moonlight would burn him if we weren’t so goddamn hairy. No one will believe we’re related.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s racist”

“No one cares Colin”

“Enough. We are a bible study group; we’ve been a bible study group for years and it has worked fine. Plus, it would be a little awkward if an actual bible study group decided to use the church hall while we’re out there, wouldn’t it? I don’t remember you complaining when you first came Amanda,”

“I was 13 and thought that this would be more Twilight and less leg hair”

“Get in, I’ll drop you guys off. Then if anything else happens I’m not alpha for the next 12 hours” He loved his pack, they just made it very hard sometimes.

“I’m not sure that’s how it works” One flat glance over his shoulder was all that was needed to communicate how little Gethin cared for the students bickering.

  There were few words spoken until the three were left on the pavement besides M&S watching the van tear off into the distance. Once they were sure they were out of hearing range

“I don’t know how Arjun puts up with him.”

“He’s working the graveyard shift at St James, Gethin will be out by the time he gets back. But he leaves breakfast out and no one wants to make their own eggs after an eight hour shift.”

“That’s true love that is” says Colin putting on a performance of being deeply moved by their alpha’s attempts at romance, before the rest of his brain caught up with the connotations of what she’d just said “Wait how do you know all this? Gethin tells me nothing!”

“Me and Arjun have a doctors group chat”

“You’re not a doctor yet Amanda”

“But I am suffering so….” she shrugged as though the others were meant to understand how these two concepts related.

“We’re all suffering!”

“Piss off Colin freshers don’t know shit about suffering”

“I’ve got coursework too you know”

“Awww….are you handies hurting from too much colourwing”

“Geology not geography!”

Nathan stared longingly in the direction they last saw the van; it was too soon after a transformation for this. If he didn’t intervene soon these two would be at each other’s throats, and knowing them they wouldn’t stop until the police broke them up or they finally dealt with their sexual tension; right here, outside M&S. But either way a trip police station would be inevitable.

“I’m starved, when does ‘spoons open?” Food possibly the only thing which could distract a pissed off werewolf, transformations were one hell of a work out. Sure enough Colin was fishing his phone out of his pockets. Mission Distraction: Success.

“Shit we got another two hours. Kings might be open?”

“Hell no last time I had one of their kebabs I spent the next day puking my guts up”

“Are you sure that wasn’t the tequila shots?”

“Piss off Colin” Mission Distraction: Success Failure.

“I should have gone with James and them lot I bet you they have food at home”

“Is that you volunteering to sit between two six year olds who haven’t slept in 24 hours, because Edith will be thrilled.” ….Maybe it was better to be their third wheel, the twins were a handful even at the best of times, but exhausted and hungry children are always worse.

“She loves the twins. She says they remind her of when her grandkids were their age” Better to bail out before someone takes him seriously, even Edith, sweet, sweet Edith would take any sign of weakness as an opportunity to switch rides.

“No one loves the twins on transformation night Nathan.”

“Soooo…. Maccies?”

An agreement seemingly reached the three turn and begin walking, just another group of students in search of junk food after a long night.

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

BB’s Games Of 2019

2019 as a year felt like it lasted two years, and a lot happened in my personal life. Got a new job, learned to drive, got my first car, moved out of the in-laws’ basement into our first real apartment, started my first long-term game of DnD (which in itself has involved a new relationship and an emotional breakdown)- and between it all I somehow managed to play 77 games. Backlog’s down to 35 titles, lads- at this rate, I’ll be down to zero by July 2020. (Not gonna happen.) In 2020, I’d like to explore the SNES catalogue a little more, but before that happens we have to review everything 2019 brought me, in a somewhat chronological order.

- Near A Tomato Carry-over from last year’s post since I was in the middle of playing it at the time. I definitely never quite got a handle on the combat and I think some of the themes went over my head, but I still had fun here, and the 9S hacking minigame never got old. It was a gift from an old friend who I miss. Was nice to reconnect. - SSBU With my new main Zelda, I cleared all of WoL and got every spirit on the Spirit Board. I never really used her before but she’s cute now! Really liked the attention to detail in the spirit encounters. Unfortunately, Cloud is still in the game. - Mega Mans 1 2 and 3 I actually spoke about my experiences with the Mega Men in my BBLC post for Mega Man Eggs, so you should read that right now. - Metroid Samus Returns It’s Good. Like, a solid Good. Never Great, never Bad, just Good. It’s nice to see one of the least accessible games in the series get a remaster, but it feels very disposable, if that makes sense. Like they just needed a Metroid to keep people busy while they reboot Prime 4 development. AM2R is vastly superior, go play that. One point of amusement- the game tells its story without narration, and also seems to pre-suppose you know Metroid lore. I was entertained by the thought of a newcomer to the series being completely mystified by the sudden space-dragon that comes out of nowhere to wreck you at the end of the game. - Khimera: Destroy All Monster Girls You can click here to download it, ‘cos it’s free, which is almost criminal. This is one of the higher tier games I’ve played this year. A little bit Mega Man, a bit Metroid, with hints of Touhou and Undertale, it’s pretty tough at times but never to ‘precision platformer’ levels. It’s a lot of fun and the dev deserves your support. - Steve And Ollie RPG Oh, I made this one. Making something else next year? Question mark? - Prof Layton 3 Feels like these are getting weaker as they go along. The story has always been absolute boohockey, but the puzzles feel like they’re degrading in quality too. With over 200 in each game, that’s not super surprising, and I’m glad they didn’t bulk it out with a load of the awful block-slider puzzles. Still, it’s Layton, if you liked any of the other games you’ll like this cos it’s the exact same thing. - Fault Milestone Two Yo, there ain’t a damned thing I can say about Fault, so go play the first one and then play this and you’ll understand. - Full Throttle I never bothered to finish it. The obtuse old Sierra puzzlers were hard enough to deal with back in the day, and just feel kind of inexcusable now. I don’t have the patience for it. - eXceed 3rd Slick and fun bullet hell with a nigh-incomprehensible story and great music. Touhou fans will like it. Music by SSH who is relatively well known in doujin circles. - ASAMU Finished it before writing my BBLC post! - Eternal Senia Everything I said in my post rings true- do your best to look past the wonky translation, because there’s a heartfelt story underneath it. Very accessible gameplay, by design. - Inivisble Inc You have never before been, nor will you ever again be, so aware of having left a door open. I fully expected to hate Invisible, but I got hooked pretty hard. Quite tempted to do another run of it once the backlog is clear. - Pyre GOTY. Supergiant’s best game so far, and that’s not an easy thing to say for this Bastion veteran. I sobbed by the end. I’m not being dramatic- literally sobbed. Please play it. Music and writing and, just, heart, are all top tier. All the Nightwings are the best, but Hedwyn is the best best. - Ellipsis Finished it before writing my BBLC post! - Just Cause 2 I found myself getting bored very quickly. The main missions are all identical (really, they are) and the side missions are very uninspired. Blitzing around in a jet or grappling around a mission target is a lot of fun but it feels very shallow. There’s a lot to do but not really any reason to do any of it. I dunno, it’s a kind of hollow experience, that I nonetheless had fun with. - LiEat It went over my head a little, but that’s more on me I think. These horror-esque, eccentric japanese RPG Maker games usually do. But, it’s neat, and short. If this sort of thing usually sticks on you, I think this is a good title. - Shantae Pirates Curse These games always felt non-essential to me; I’m not sure why they never stuck. They never really go below or above Good. Entirely enjoyable but I don’t feel like I’d have really missed anything if I hadn’t played them. It is, however, absolutely worth investing in for the utterly superb sprite work. That doesn’t sell a game by itself, I know, but Shantae is a pixel art masterclass. - FF5 I’d more or less finished it by the time I wrote my BBLC post, so I don’t have much to add. It’s a refreshingly goofy entry in a series known for taking itself too seriously, even compared to its predecessor. Look forward to my entry for this game in my Games Of 2020 post, having played the Four Job Fiesta! - Touhou 17 It’s mid-tier in the touhou hierarchy, IMO. Didn’t set my soul alight but I did enjoy it. Playing as Wolf Marisa makes the final boss too chaotic to really enjoy, but playing through again with Reimu made it more fun. I beat Extra on my third run through, which gave me false confidence that after 10 years I might actually be good at these games- to then be quickly humbled by attempting Th11’s Extra. Final Boss’ theme song has one of the greatest lead-ins of all time, especially given you start the fight by running away from her! Also really loved the Stage 4 theme as you barrel head-first into Hell (the real one this time), and the haunting, calm-before-the-storm serenity of Stage 5, overlooking the City Of Beasts. - HackNet + Labyrinths GOTY. (Yes, I know I already said Pyre was GOTY; it’s my post, I can have two GOTYs. Make your own damned post!) It’s hard to say what I loved about these games without spoiling too much- just know that they play very much like investigation games, and figuring out the puzzles feels great. Labyrinths technically takes place during the events of Hacknet, with a somewhat more Black Hat approach to things- despite this, play all of Hacknet first, and then play Labyrinths. The expansion introduces a lot of new stuff and much trickier challenges, such that going back to the base game afterwards to finish that would leave it a little hollow- a disservice to how great the ending is. - Mega Man X I said everything I wanted to say in my BBLC post, and anything I didn’t cover was better said by Egoraptor. - Octodad Finished it before my BBLC post! - Chroma Squad The final mission is disappointingly poor, but everything up to that point was pretty good. Huge variance and creativity in the bosses. However, the most fun I got from it was when I realised the game allowed me to customise my team name, transformation name, and other such terminology. Dave, Dayve, Davy, Davina, and Dehve shouting “It’s time to Chromatise, Chroma Squad!” very quickly became “It’s time to shit, you bunch of fucks!” and it was funny every single time. (Personal favourite bit of dialogue- “I tried to shit! It worked!”) - Pyrite Heart Finished it before my BBLC post! - Starfox 2 Finished it before my BBLC post! - Burly Men At Sea Finished it before my BBLC post! - Disc Room Finished it before my BBLC post! - Kokurase Finished it before my BBLC post! Should have broken these ones up a bit! - Metroid Rogue Dawn Very, very impressive romhack let down by a distinctly un-fun final section. They managed to fix so many of OG Metroid’s problems, I’m surprised the gauntlet of terribleness that is Tourian escaped with only a cosmetic change. Nonetheless, it’s free, and the other 95% of the game is superb, even from a purely technical standpoint. - Wuppo I dunno what happened here! I was full of praise for Wuppo when I played it, but somehow I just couldn’t stick with it and just never felt like playing it. It’s a very aimless game, and I wonder if that might be why? It’s a shame, I feel disappointed in myself for not seeing it through, but ultimately I play games to have fun and I just wasn’t quite there with Wuppo. - Super Mario Odyssey I loved it, obviously. I wrote my BBLC post towards the end of my time with Odyssey so most of that stands- I do want to add that the controls always felt a little loose, like I wasn’t quite as in-control as I was in Galaxy. Also Mario prioritises walljumping over ledge-grabbing and it’s super-hard to unlearn that instinct after 20 years. Finally- Long Journey’s End is just bullshit. - Secret Of Mana Dropped it pretty soon after Finning it. There’s some logic to the way the game works, some kind of hidden turn-order system, that I could not at all figure out. My AI companions (useless, btw) would hit an enemy which meant I couldn’t, except sometimes the hit would still register but only actually go through 3 seconds later, without any way to tell which way it was going to go. It takes like 7 months for your character to get back up after taking a hit. It’s just, wonky, and I couldn’t solve the puzzle of how to make the game do what I wanted to do. - Pokemon Shield Still working my way through it. It’s- yeah, it’s pokemon. Get a similar vibe to Sun/Moon with it that it’s kind of unfinished- lots of small (and some not so small) parts of the game just feel like there were bigger plans that couldn’t be realised in time. I’m still enjoying it! They did a great job of making the gym battles, and the whole process of 8-badges-then-champion, feel like a spectacle. I think only the anime has managed it to this degree before. - Earthbound Man, I really, really want to like this game, but the battle system is terrible. I need to play through the game again buffing my party up with cheats or something, because it’s so unbalanced and cheap. Everything else about the game is wonderful, but I got so frustrated with the fights! - Mario Kart 8 Didn’t play any of the single player this time, it was midgi’s christmas present so I just joined a couple of multiplayer games. Absolutely baffled that the game features F-Zero style anti-gravity courses, has Mute City and Big Blue, and even has the Blue Falcon as a selectable vehicle, but they haven’t put Captain Falcon in it. Like he’s ever going to get another game of his own? Let him have this! - Carmageddon 2 It’s pretty clunky by now, being 20 years old, but still plays well enough. The physics are super loose so you slide around like your tires have been buttered. It was more fun when they were zombies instead of just normal people. Missions are brutally hard and should be skipped with cheats. - Neopets After 15 years of playing, I finally got a Ghostkersword. The site as a whole has gone through a lot, and certainly its heyday is long gone, but there’s no other game quite like it. I’m playing the Food Club every day, still. - SIF New phone can’t run the actual gameplay section well enough, so I just log in occasionally to grab free scouts. Here’s another one whose golden years are behind it, sadly, but I certainly still have a lot of affection for SIF. - FF1 Mobile version, which fixes a lot of the bugs with the NES original. This year I completed a solo run with 1 Red Mage, a 4-black belts run, a low-level run, and a 4 White Mages run (which ended up being a lower-level run than the low-level run). I’m fairly comfortable in calling myself an expert in FF1, now. There’s still not really any other games like it- build a party as balanced or imbalanced as you like, and see how they fare. I’d like to build my own game in a similar style, one day. - Re: Live Gacha games and RPG just don’t mix! Both gacha and events do not gel with core RPG mechanics of your character(s) developing in strength as the game goes. It seems impossible to balance the game well- do you cater to the whales who spend and spend until they have the strongest teams possible, meaning the free players or the terminally unlucky can’t stand a chance, or do you cater to those players and give them no reason to spend for the more powerful characters? It’s a shame, because the anime was baffling but in that enjoyable way where you just kind of go with whatever it throws at you, and exploring that in a non-freemium game with a solid beginning middle and end would be really interesting. - Tiny Thief Mobile game that’s not available any more, I think my BBLC post covered it well enough. - F-Zero One of the criticisms most commonly levied against F-Zero is that it wont hold your attention for long. While that’s true, it’s not like you have to make a purchasing decision about it any more- it comes bundled in with the other games you’re buying, so the only investment is time. Ignoring that, it’s still fun to burn around the tracks, and the sense of speed hasn’t ever diminished. The music, too, is underappreciated, with Port Town being my personal fave. - F-Zero GX I can’t believe Nintendo hasn’t done anything with this ridiculous universe for 15 years now. The cutscenes are so hilariously overwrought, and the cast of characters is huge! It could so seamlessly intersect with the Starfox universe, too. There were rumours of a Starfox Racing title some time ago, and I really hope that’s the case. It’d work so well (by which I mean, a particularly enjoyable kind of awful). Anyway, the game still plays great, Story Mode is WAY too hard, Dr Stewart’s theme is a Tune. - Stratosphere This game is from 1998! Build a flying fortress, deck it out with fortifications and weapons and power supplies, then use it to destroy other fortresses. I only ever played the demo as a kid, never got the full game. Took some cajoling to get it to work on modern hardware, but eventually I got in and it wasn’t worth it at all. Wow, that performance, apparently it was designed to run at a terrible frame rate and it wasn’t just a result of my 1998 PC not being up to the task! A shame, but I guess it put one of my ghosts to rest. - DKC 2 The best of the three SNES games, despite the inclusion (and protagonism) of Diddy Kong. Lots to love here, but the OST is top notch. - DKC 3 Not as good as 2, but IMO better than 1. There was a much heavier emphasis on gimmick levels in 3, not all of which hit their target, but does provide a great deal of variety. Consensus is that 2 is better, but if someone claimed 3 was the best DKC, I’d let them get away with it. - King Arthur’s World (SNES) Speaking of putting ghosts to rest… We somehow always managed to get this game whenever we got a SNES, and kid!Beebs most certainly didn’t have the patience for it. Adult!Beebs barely does, either. It’s a very ambitious attempt at some sort of RTS/Puzzle hybrid, somewhat comparable to Lemmings? King Arthur must make his way from his starting position to the throne elsewhere in the map to claim it as his own, using the myriad abilities of his soldiers to get him there in one piece. I decided this year that I was finally going to play through the whole damn thing, start to finish, for the first time ever. With copious use of save states and rewinds, I was finally able to slay this demon. For as fiddly and frustrating as it is, I would still say people should check it out if they have the tools to do so- there’s not really anything else like it, on SNES or otherwise; you’re guaranteed a unique experience, if nothing else. - Oscar (SNES) Terrible. - Spanky’s Quest (SNES) With a name like that, how could I refuse? It’s a weird little puzzler, aping (wahey!) Bubble Bobble and Parasol Stars a little. You’re a monkey who can blow bubbles that stun enemies, but if you bounce the bubble on your head it gets progressively larger and can be burst to send a barrage of similarly-sized sports balls at your opponents to knock them out. You know, just like real life. - Addam’s Family (SNES) This easily-dismissible movie tie-in is actually a very competent platformer with some very, very light metroidvania exploration involved. Gomez has to go through Addams Mansion and rescue the members of his family who have been kidnapped by… something. There’s hidden secrets everywhere and the family can be rescued in any order you like. Genuine recommendation. - Panel DePon/Tetris Attack The only vs puzzler I enjoy (yep. Not even puyo puyo. I know.) I played the HECK out of this in my teenage years, and got crazy good at it. Tendonitis says I’m not allowed to do that any more, but once I shook the rust off I was still pretty strong! It was released as Panel DePon in Japan and was fairy themed, but for the western release they replaced all the fairies with Yoshi characters and renamed it Tetris Attack despite having nothing to do with Tetris at all. Up to you which you prefer- language isn't too much of a barrier here. Soundtrack is killer. - Subsurface Circular Finished it before my BBLC post. Still not decided if I liked the way it ended. - Master Of Orion 2 C’mon. After playing three other pretenders to MoO2’s throne, I had to give the real deal a couple of spins too. It’s Civ 5 in space. Customisable race builds. A whole galaxy to bring peace to, by whichever means you prefer. Would love for someone else to get into it. - Touhou 8 Last minute entry I just played yesterday ‘cos I wanted some Touhou and I haven’t played this entry in a long while. A Solo Marisa Normal Final B run, if you’re interested. Kaguya beast-mode tearing apart the Spell Of Imperishable Night at the end of the game is still an awesome moment, but it’s a shame you can miss the last couple of spells if you take some unlucky hits. - And here’s the list of Bins, which are all covered in their BBLC post: No Time To Explain MoO Skyborn Jumpjet Rex StH 4 Ballistick Munch’s Oddysee Outland Project CARS RiME Magicka Waking Mars Urban Chaos Divinity: Dragon Commander Strike Suit Zero Hell Yeah! Lambda Wars Beta Stranger’s Wrath MoO 3 XCOM Lots more Fins than Bins this year! Good to see!

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under A Vanilla Sky prt 17 full

Watching Keith leave with Kosmo, Lance let out a string of curses that would get him whacked senseless with his mother's slipper if she was there. What the hell was wrong with him? For movements and phoebs he'd kept his secret... but noooo, as soon as Keith showed him a little bit of attention, he'd folded like a cheap suit. He hadn't intended to tell Keith what happened. He'd promised they'd talk after the mission but he'd been going to come up with something... something that wasn't him spilling his guts like he was was begging for attention. And what the hell was Keith thinking, telling him he loved him?! He'd tried so hard not to hear that from Keith. He knew... or he kind of knew how Keith felt. His family having a good laugh at his cluelessness. Keith was smart, funny, quick, supple, gorgeous and courageous... And now he knew... and he still had the nerve to say that he loved him?! He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. Keith's hugs... they'd been nice. They'd been soft... and so fucking warm that Lance wasn't sure he wanted him to let go. This directly contradicting the constant feeling of being dirty and tainted, adding to his fears he was tainting his friend by being so close to him. Ever since Keith had walked back into his life, Lance had fought to keep everything inside. He'd fought to keep himself from crying too loud, with Keith's quarters so close to his. He'd fought to keep his showers shorter than half a varga, feeling filthy as he stepped out too soon. He'd fought not to jump each time Keith was too loud, not to flinch away each time Keith touched him. It was like... it was like those deep purple eyes were drawing every memory to the surface, causing his secrets to spill into his mouth, only contained by his grinding teeth. Keith had broken him. He'd broken through Leandro to expose Lance, and now Lance didn't know how to put that mask back on. He'd been so angry. He'd lashed out so distastefully. He'd mocked Keith's love with laughter. He'd asked him if he wanted to know how they'd fucked him. Thrown in his face that he was addicted to drugs. Thrown in his face that they'd made him come... and Keith... fucking accepted it. He reached out and pulled him close. He'd held him as he'd sobbed like an idiot. He'd him as he'd screamed. If he could love Keith, he would. He wanted to. His chest had swelled with happiness for a micro-tick when he'd said he loved him. A micro-tick where Lance had been over the moon before the weight of everything came crashing back down so hard that all that he could do was laugh. And now they were stuck here until Zak fixed the fucking Telula, or a ship from the outpost found them first.

  Having woken in Keith's arms, Lance had panicked. The overwhelming scent of the man's natural odour, combined with the scent of a fire on clear summer night had been too much for him. Between his legs had been wet, like he was ready for his weird heat thing. Fear coiling in his stomach as he realised Keith's hand rested on his exposed stomach as... if to protect something in there. Keith's warmth had seeped right through his body, scaring him because it wasn't the soul-consuming ice he'd woken up with ever since dying. Barely holding down his rising feelings, he'd slipped from Keith's hold. Keith shifting in his sleep as he mumbled Lance's name. He couldn't pull Keith down with him. He couldn't let Keith stay. Not when he was too broken to fix. Leaving Keith sleeping, Lance had headed up to Daehra's ship. Locked inside, Kosmo had pulled the blankets off the small thin bed, looking sad for himself as he slept on the floor under the dash. Moving to the pilot's seat, Lance powered the ship up. God. It's been more than tempting to take the ship and run. To leave Keith there for Daehra to collect, or maybe the Blades, but... his traitorous heart wouldn't let him. He fucking loved Keith. He hated that he loved him. He hated that he loved working beside him. Having him there to banter with. To joke with. He thought his feelings of "love" had been ruined. Keith's eyes so characteristic of the Galra. Those purple eyes that had stared down into his as he'd screamed... he'd thought he'd hate Keith's eyes, but when he looked into them, he couldn't see any traces of the Galra who had held him down. All he could see in them was his best friend... who'd hauled his arse out the outpost when he'd lost his shit. He didn't remember getting out. He didn't know if Keith had been hurt because of him. He could have gotten him killed... like... Kre'el. Kre'el would scold him. Tell him off for leaving a friend behind. He could hear her disapproving voice in his head. That same way she'd scold him for not thinking as she'd done a hundred times before. And what if they did come after them. Keith would be stranded, probably killed... Releasing the controls, he pulled up the ship's Nav system. Keith had flown through the night by the seems of it. They were out of the quadrant they'd been in, and now four away. Right. He should have known. Keith had always piloted like it was the most natural thing in life to do. Of course, he'd gotten them out... It was one more thing Lance was useless at.

 Whimpering at him, Kosmo locked his knee

"Did Keith lock you in here?"

Whining Kosmo shuffled closer

"It's alright, boy. He's sleeping, and we've got a few more vargas before the sun rises properly. Do you want to come hunting with me? Find you some water?"

Kosmo's tail started to wag

"Yeah? I could use a break from him too. I need to grab some stuff, then we'll go. Sound good?"

Yipping happily, Lance flinched at the loud noise

"Sorry, boy. My head's a little sore. Can you keep it down until we get away from camp?"

The yip Kosmo gave was adorable. Soft and strangled as he made a real effort to

"Thanks, boy. Why don't we see if we can find some meat for dinner while we're at it? I've got to contact Daehra and see what's happening on her end"

  Calling Daehra had been depressing. The Telula couldn't come to collect them. Daehra had been worried, repeatedly asking him if he was ok, while Lucteal issued threats towards Keith, despite Keith not being there. Even if Keith had gone off the deep end with all this crazy love stuff, it was reassuring that those two were the same as normal. Lying through his teeth, he'd told them both they were. They didn't need to see how weak he was over a little attention. He hadn't cried over it all like he had the previous night since everything he had happened. He had said the words out loud to anyone but Keith because words made it real... and now he'd really fucked up. He'd fucked up everything with Keith. So many times he'd thought of him, so many times he'd wanted to call him, but there was always a mission. Keith was always busy. Keith didn't exist to answer his calls in the dead of night when he was lonely. Neither did his old team. Not that they replied to his messages. He'd tried so fucking hard to force himself to reach out, to take the team calls then act like nothing was wrong. They didn't even notice he wasn't talking. The didn't notice when he stopped trying to be friends. If Keith stayed with him, he'd face the same alienation. He'd be pushed aside. He couldn't do that to him. Keith had come so far since they first met. He was close with both Hunk and Pidge, taking the spot Lance thought he'd occupied. Not that this was a competition or anything. He already knew he'd lost and would lose if it was. He didn't hate Keith, but he did hate that he wasn't more like him. Keith was the reliable one. Keith was the strong one. The one that Shiro named leader. While Lance was left to trail behind... it hurt far too much. It was better if Keith forgot the previous night, and Lance kept himself busy catching game. He'd get that right. He'd prove he knew how to catch dinner and didn't need a grizzled hunk like Keith to save him.

   *

Wandering across the campsite with no shirt on, Lance blushed at the sight of a half-naked Keith. When he stripped off all he had to offer were scars, scars, and more scars. Keith, on the other hand, was ripped. His muscles long and lean, almost flowing beneath his skin as he came closer. Shovelling another shovel of coals over the bundle of silver in front of him, Lance would tell anyone who asked that it was the fire pit making his face hot

"What are you doing?"

"Making a fire pit we can cook in tonight. Breakfast is by the bed. Daehra packed eggs and this weird bread kind of stuff. It pretty much tastes like cardboard, but it's packed with vitamins and minerals"

"You are?"

"Yeah. Then I wanted to get this done"

He'd eaten half a piece of the cardboard bread before his nerves had gotten the better of him and he'd been forced to quit. Keith would scold him if he knew

"Ok... you've been throwing up, so you're probably also really dehydrated too"

"I had some water"

Watching him closely, Lance hated the way Keith's eyes roamed across his body. He knew Keith was watching him because he was concerned, yet having his every move watched had him convinced he was doing things wrong. As the shovel started shaking in his hold, he dug the tip into the dirt by his shoe instead of moving more coals

"You said your building a pit?"

"Yeah... I mean. I'm probably doing it wrong, but I'm trying to... it probably looks stupid"

Keith picked up the plate of eggs on toast

"You said "probably" twice. Have you done this before?"

"We did this at home..."

"Then I'm sure you're doing it right. Tell me how it works"

That right there. Keith had to know what that did to him. How his stupid heart did that weird flip thing. He knew it was his brain, but it's always baffled him how you can feel something in your brain and have it come out in your heart or stomach

"It... uhh..."

Shit... he was starting to get even more anxious. He knew what he was doing... so why was he struggling with his words?

"Lance?"

"I... I'm sorry. It's a fire pit. We're going to cook dinner tonight in it"

"That sounds cool"

Keith was probably humouring him. He was probably secretly laughing at the fact Lance was now having a breakdown over a fire pit...

"Mum and I always cook over the fire. I haven't seen it done this way"

"I can change it. Fill it in, I mean"

"Why? You went to all this effort"

"If it's wrong..."

Placing down the knife and fork he'd only just picked up, Keith looked up at him

"Lance, it's not wrong. I didn't mean to make you think it was. I was asking because I was curious. That's all"

Now he'd made Keith feel bad. What the hell was wrong with him?! Well? He knew what it was, but he didn't want to make Keith sad

"I'm sorry..."

"Hey. You don't need to apologise. Just explain it to me"

"You... um... put the coals in, then put the meat in like a pot or something to cook it in. Then you cover it with leaves and leave it cook"

"That sounds cool"

"Yeah... because it's a bird, it needs to be cooked well. I wasn't... expecting you back so soon"

If Keith could have stayed away a few more vargas it would have been appreciated... maybe even the night, the following night, then right up until Daehra arrived... because fucked if he knew how to handle this. How to handle soft Keith who cared for him... Who looked at him like he wasn't a lump of dirty shit

"Soon? I thought I was gone a while"

"Oh... uh..."

Was "uh" and "um" the only sounds his stupid tongue could make?! At this rate, Keith was going to think him even stupider

"My sense of time isn't great..."

"It's fine. I still get thrown talking to Shiro. He swaps back and forth from Earth time to ticks, doboshes and vargas like it's perfectly natural. Why can't we just stick one and stay with it? If the staff of the Atlas are in space, shouldn't they be using space-time? It's confusing as hell"

Lance felt his lips curling at the edges into something suspiciously not frown like

"What's the matter? Can't you keep up?"

Glaring at him, Keith sounded like his pride had been wounded

"I can keep up just fine. It'd simply be easier if I didn't have to"

"Sure, sure, samurai"

"I'd forgotten how much you like your nicknames until I looked at the board of yours"

Board? What board? Ooooh... Fuck. Why couldn't his brain get it together? At this rate, Keith was probably going to murder him for being so useless. His tone was flat as he tried to joke

"My board is a work of art"

"You run a good team"

 Not sure if Keith was deflecting because his pride was wounded or if his friend was trying to pry, Lance went about scooping up another shovel of coals

"Can I ask about them?"

Lance already knew Daehra and Keith had talked about him more than once. Daehra was awful at keeping secrets, and Lucteal was struggling to accept Keith knowing that Lance had held strong feelings for the man

"Ask what?"

"I don't know. How did you all meet? I know you helped save Daehra's sister... how did that happen?"

Keith didn't mean to upset him, he knew that. The question was fairly innocent, yet his mind decided because he was hurting at the memory, he needed to lash out

"It happened when I killed the man who raped me, and the last member of his guard to rape me"

Growling the words out, Lance threw the shovel down in self-disgust. He instantly regretted the flare at the look of pain on Keith's face

"Fuck. Fuck. Sorry. Sorry... look. I'm not angry at you. I know you're trying right now, but I'm..."

Taking a deep breath through his nose, he slowly released it through his mouth

"I met Deahra and Lucteal hunting down the man who'd... you know... Their father sold their sister to him for a sliver of power once... he... got Red. Technically Daehra and Lucteal are bastard children born from the king's other bed partners, but the moment the queen started birthing their precious royal children, they were both cast aside. Their little sister Annla... they wanted to do the same thing to her... and like hell, I was going to let that happen. I killed... them and took her back to them. I went back to finish the job, but Daehra had called the police in. A police friend of mine in when I didn't come back on the same day I met them. She dragged my arse out and stopped me getting myself killed. My head... kind of broke"

"You saved a princess?"

Lance winced at the word princess. Keith was bringing back all the feelings that torn him apart when he'd tried to choose between Keith and Allura...

"Yeah. She's only about 7 or 8. She still calls to talk"

"That's sweet"

Sweet? How did he mean sweet? Keith didn't say sweet? And not mean cool. Did he mean cool? Why was he thinking about this too much? Did Keith want children? Did he like children? He seemed like the awkward uncle who'd pass the crying baby over to next closest adult... God. What would Keith say if he knew... that he could... That would mean... sex... oh, God. He was a monster. How did a talk about an alien princess end up with him wanting to vomit at the thought of sex with Keith? What kind of a monster was he?

"She's a child"

"What? No. I didn't mean it like that. I was trying to say it how you would. Fine. It's nice that she calls"

Oh... oh...

"Oh. Yeah. Well, it's to talk to Daehra mostly. She was her attendant"

"Still. You did a good job saving her. You should be proud"

Proud of being forced to suck dick before he could act? Lance definitely wasn't proud of that... he wasn't proud of waking up wet when Keith had shown him a little attention. His cheeks felt warm as he looked away. He probably could never give Keith a family... He probably couldn't really carry. He'd been a normal guy all his life, and now he was... going to cry... Nope. He didn't want to cry... not without any good reason to cry

"Can we not talk about this anymore? I get that you feel the need to talk, but I don't really want to"

Keith's face fell a little. Lance mentally congratulating himself for being the biggest quiznakking idiot in the world as it did

"Ok. But, what do want to do after I'm done eating? I would say we could rest... but I get the feeling you'd say no"

"You're right. We still need to collect more firewood. I want to boil some water too, then bottle it... after that, maybe then we could rest?"

Rest as in "sit there and empty the chicken out of their entrails and pluck them naked", not as in "sit there awkwardly while Keith pulls his weird mind magic that makes him talk far too much"

"Sure. Sounds good. We should try sparring too. I bet you could put me on my arse"

"I know I could put you on your arse, but it's not safe. Now stop avoided your breakfast. The eggs are edible, Dae packed extra supplies, so if you have a problem with them, talk to her"

"No problem. It's better than purple goo"

Green goo was better than purple goo, but no goo was better than all goo. Making the decision not to reply, Lance picked up his discarded shovel. This was going to be a loooong few quintants...

  *

Training with Kosmo felt lacking to Keith. Neither of their hearts were in it, but Lance had fallen asleep while waiting for the water they'd collected to boil, so Keith hadn't wanted to disturb him. Practising disarming techniques with Kosmo didn't go well when all the dopey wolf wanted to do was sleep next to Lance. Each time Keith turned his back on him Kosmo would teleport back over to Lance, Keith then forced to jog over to Kosmo, drag him away, scold him for not paying attention, maybe get in two or three doboshes of training, then start the whole process again. If he looked at it like endurance training, it didn't seem as annoying...

 When Kosmo teleported back to Lance for the umpteenth time, Keith gave up. It hadn't distracted him from the guilt still gnawing at his gut over the video, nor had anything else. The thought of admitting to Lance what he'd done was too much. He didn't want Lance to hate him. He didn't want Lance to shut back down again. He wanted to help... and to do that, he was going to have to be picky and tell only certain truths, until Lance was ready to hear his full admittance. But then again, that could blow up too. Lance could yell at him for thinking him too weak to handle the truth, and be sent spirally back after whatever progress they'd made. He hated this. Starting whatever this was on half-arsed truths was only going to come back and bite him in the arse.

 Sitting down next to the blankets Lance was sleeping on, Keith pulled his blade from his belt. There wasn't much to do, Lance had already buried the chickens in the coals to cook, they'd also collected enough firewood to last the next few quintants, and enough water to last until the Telula reached them. Keith had already decanted the water into the bottles Lance had organised. It'd taken all of four doboshes, then boredom had kicked in all over again. Letting his gaze wander towards Lance, he caught himself at the last moment. Watching his friend sleep was creepy... but... no. He wasn't going to... quizank... apparently, he was. His gaze slipped again, Keith's face softened at the peaceful expression on Lance's face. If only Lance could always be so relaxed, he might actually be able to heal. The bags beneath his eyes hung heavy, his cheekbones much sharper than Keith remembered, his marks gone as he huffed a soft breath between his pouty lips. Reaching towards him, Keith was pulled from his momentary trance by a soft mumble

"Keith..."

Jerking his hand back, Keith cursed himself. He didn't know what he was about to do, only that he was a moron. Lance needed rest. And Keith needed to go for a run or something... maybe he could... knock himself out until the Telula arrived? He didn't want to touch Lance sexually, but he did want to cuddle the shit out of him

"K-Keith?"

Moaning out his name, Lance shifted closer to him. Half off the blankets before he stopped with the top of his head against Keith's leg. This had to be some kind of joke

"Lance?"

 Nuzzling into Keith's leg, Lance let out a soft sound that sounded suspiciously like a purr. Lance had to be mocking him. People didn't go around purring for no good reason

"Lance?"

Placing his hand on Lance's shoulder, Keith shook gently. He didn't want to wake Lance, but he did want to know if he was awake or not. Releasing his shoulder, Keith moved Lance's hair back from his face. The moment his fingers brushed against the side of Lance's head just above his ear, Lance sucked in a breath. Moving his hand away, a few ticks passed before Lance slowly relaxed. Fuck. Even the simplest of gestures caused Lance pain. Hair was now added to Keith's growing list of things to avoid... though it was the second physical addition following "don't unintentionally wake Lance up by touching him because you can't control your feelings". After he'd talked with his mother, he'd had a good hard think about the kind of words he should avoid when talking with Lance. All he'd come up with were the obvious ones related to "force"... and he didn't trust himself not to mess it all up by saying something stupid without thinking. Placing his blade as far away from them as he could reach, Keith laid himself out next to Lance, letting Lance curl into his side, on his own accord, with a soft huff. However, it was only a few doboshes later that Lance shot up next to him, his mouth wide in a silent scream as Keith rushed to sit back up. Sucking down a few desperate breaths, Keith waited until Lance rubbed at his eyes before breaking the silence

"Lance?"

"I'm ok..."

"You sure?"

"Mhmm... nightmare... sorry... sorry... I didn't mean to fall asleep"

"It's alright"

"No... ugh... why do nightmares have to suck?"

Laying back down, Keith stared up the lazy clouds passing over the top of them. Taking a few ticks longer, Lance laid down next to him. So close that they were practically shoulder to shoulder. He could feel his best friend's little finger brushing against his own, without giving it much thought, Keith hook it with his, meaning in some weird way they were holding hands

"How long was I out?"

"Not too long. I was playing with Kosmo for a bit, then when I sat you curled into me"

"Shit. I'm sorry"

"It's fine. It only happened a few doboshes ago. Do you think that caused the nightmare?"

"Maybe. It's not your fault, though. I didn't mean to fall asleep"

"You obviously needed it"

"I don't know about that"

"You wouldn't have fallen asleep if you didn't"

"It's the sun. It feels nice"

Looking over to Lance, he found Lance was already looking at him. Drawing his brow, the Cuban was confused

"What?"

"I didn't mean to wake you up"

"It's fine. I don't sleep much as it is. I probably would have woken sooner rather than later"

"Is it the nightmares?"

"Yeah... they're... they're not better than they were, because they still suck, but they're different"

"I'm sorry to hear that"

Looking away from him and back up the heavens, Lance sighed

"You don't have to keep saying sorry"

"Even if I am"

"It makes me feel stupid when you keep apologising"

"I feel stupid for messing things up"

Lance bit his lip, before looking back to him again

"I don't really hate you. It was such a shitty thing to say. I don't hate Shiro either. It's... you throw me off balance"

"I throw you off balance?"

"Yeah. When I look at you... it's like... everything comes rushing back all at once. I can remember almost everything that happened and it's all on the tip of my tongue"

Keith didn't know what to say to that... He didn't want Lance to remember anything he didn't want to

"I'm sorry"

"Don't apologise. It's not your fault. It just... it throws me off how easily you get under my skin. I was so fucking mad at you for tracking me down. I wanted to throw you down the club stairs and scream at you "to never come back""

"Wow, dude. That's a bit harsh"

"It wasn't your fault. It's... I feel like you can see right through me and I hate it"

"I can't you know... see through you that is. There's skin, and muscle, and bone..."

Lance groaned at him

"You're a dick"

"That doesn't mean I'm not right"

"Sometimes I wonder. Like really wonder"

"Wonder what?"

"If I came back. Or if I'm still on the astral plane..."

Keith's voice caught in his throat. Squeezing Lance's little finger, he slowly picked his words

"You died when I was away from the team, didn't you?"

Sighing at him, Lance squeezed back

"You knew?"

"Not until recently. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Everyone was busy. Besides, it was hardly worse than when you tried to throw your own life away. Don't think Matt didn't tell Shiro about it"

"I know he did... But at the time, I didn't see any other way"

There was a pause long enough for Keith's heart to begin beating faster

"I... I didn't either. It was going to hit Allura... and the team... they needed her more than they needed someone like me. I wish she'd never brought me back"

"It's probably not much, but I'm glad she did. You're the heart of the team"

"I'm the guy you didn't want to spend eternity with. The stupid one. If I could have stayed there, I would have... nothing's been right since I came back..."

Rolling onto his side, facing Lance, Keith smiled softly as Lance rolled to face him too

"You're going to be ok. We're going to be ok"

"You don't know what it's like"

"No. I don't. But I do know that if I'd I lost you, I never would have been able to move on, or even move forward. You keep saying you came back wrong, but I can't understand what you mean"

"Allura... I was dead. I felt myself die. I felt my heart stop as I was electrocuted and then it was all nothingness like the astral plane. It was black... as far as you can see. It felt like... like being smothered by the darkness for an eternity. She used part of her quintessence to bring me back. Part of her being. She probably had to in order to stabilise my body, like she had to use her gem from her tiara to stabilise Shiro... Keith, she wasn't attracted to me. She didn't love me. What she was drawn to was the part of her in me..."

Keith expected Lance's to be crying, instead, he looked resigned. Like this has played a million times in his head, so could no longer feel the pain he needed over such a statement

"That's..."

"What? Not true? She was still in love with Lotor to the very end. When we were together... she only thought of the Altean's. Then she... she went after the entity... I loved her, but not in the same way she loved me"

"She was an idiot"

Lance's eyes narrowed into a glare

"No. Listen to me. Lance, you're an idiot but she is too. You... you always push yourself so hard. You're always so hard on yourself that it's frankly frustrating. I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you until you see what the rest of us see. The fact Allura couldn't see it, it pisses me off. You've always had my back. Even when we were punk nose brats sniping at each other, I could always count on you. At first, I found your flirting irritating as hell. Then I realised, all you wanted was for someone to like you for you. I'm sorry it took me so long"

"Allura had a lot going on"

"We all did. It doesn't make it right"

"Keith... she's still important to me. Even if you don't like her"

"It's not that I don't like her. I appreciate her sacrifice. I just wish you hadn't been hurt. You didn't even tell us you died. That's not ok"

"There was no one to tell... Pidge and Hunk were busy. You were gone. Shiro hated me. Coran was busy. Allura and Lotor were... busy... it doesn't matter now"

"It matters to me"

"It's been years"

"And if it'd been me who died, you would have never let me hear the end of it. You would have cried and felt just as guilty as I do"

Sniffling, Lance failed as he tried to give him a stern look

"Shut up. You can't turn this back on me"

"I can too. I hate what you've been through. You deserved so much better than all of this"

"You deserve better than being stuck here with me. I couldn't even get you off the outpost..."

"It was pretty hairy for a moment. Especially when they started firing at us"

Lance took a shaky breath as tears welled in his eyes. Cautiously, Keith wriggled closer to wrap his arm around Lance, leaving them forehead to forehead as Lance whispered

"I fucked up the whole mission"

"No"

"When I saw all that blood... I couldn't... you know. We were Paladins. We got hurt... but there was so much blood..."

"Yeah. But if you hadn't reacted to the guards, that could have been us. For all we know, they could have piped sedatives through the vents"

Lance gave a weird snort

"You Blades and your vents... when they had me, I kept thinking how one day someone's going to put fans in them to prevent people climbing around"

"They've already got fans in them. That's what keeps the air moving"

"Oh... right... I didn't think of that... I know we have to go back... but fuck... I don't want you to end up cut into pieces"

"You want to go back?"

"I don't want to... but... we can't leave it like that"

God. Lance was killing him right here. It was worth than his friend's bad breath

"I... before you get mad at me, I was kind of freaking out too. I messaged mum about what happened"

Lance's eyes widened

"You what?!"

"I sent her some of the video. We've got undercover operatives out there, who have been operating without knowing about this threat. This information could save the lives of Blade and rebel members"

"Keith! I didn't... I... I trusted you!"

"I know. That's why I'm telling you. She didn't say she was going to act. But... if it means no one having to die"

"What did you send her?! What exactly did you send her?!"

"Video of the other room... and some of the blood... and them trying to kill us"

"Keith!"

"I know. I know. I wish the two of us could handle this, but I don't think we can. Plus, they know who I am. If they go to Daibazaal, mum needs to be prepared"

"D-Daibazaal... I didn't think of that..."

Keith could see Lance spiralling

"No. Daibazaal has some of the best defences out there"

"They had Galra working for them. What if they return home? What if they go after Krolia? Or your team... What if..."

"Lance. This isn't going to do any good. I'm worried too, but my team can handle. Mum can handle it. Everyone can handle it. They haven't come after us, and we're not that far from the outpost. Even if they're destroying the evidence, we both know what happened. And now that the Blades know, they can also compile a case to get things changed"

"They used to... you know... cut people up there. But they'd phased it out when the empire fell. I thought... I mean... I killed people but I didn't know I was sending them to be butchered... I worked with the police... I fucking blew things up for them... they said... god..."

"Shhh. You're going to push yourself into a panic attack, or make yourself sick again"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laying this all on you..."

"It's fine. Do you want to keep laying here? Or do you want to get up and do something?"

Lance nodded slowly. His lips were so close that Keith wanted to a taste. He knew how soft and sweet Lance's kisses could be

"I want to go take a swim"

Oh shit... Lance had no idea what he was doing to him... A half-naked Lance was the last thing he needed to be thinking about

"Do you want... I mean..."

"I need some time alone. I'm... I feel like I should apologise. I don't mean to keep pushing you away..."

"No. You don't need to. But take Kosmo with you. I tried to train with him, and all he wanted to do was nap near you"

"You know I don't hate you, don't you? I never should have said I did. I can't do that. I can't give you that. Not now"

"Lance, I understand. I've been pushing too hard to. I want to know everything. No matter how had it is. I want to help you through it"

Sincerity shone on Lance's face.

God. His lips were right there. Keith's will eroding faster with each tick

"I know. I don't know why but every time you look at me, I feel like an idiot. I want to tell you everything... Well, maybe not everything. I'm not ready for people to know. I don't want anyone else to ever know... and some things... I can't. I got used to keeping this inside. Ugh. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm probably not going to be the greatest friend, but I'll try"

"I'm not going anywhere. You should go for that swim before the sun goes down"

"Yeah..."

Lance's breath was warm against his lips. His brain finally shorting out as his lips pressed against Lance's. Letting out a whimper, Lance pushed him off as he scrambled back. Keith's heart sank. He was such a goddamn idiot!

"Lance... I'm sorry. I didn't think"

Shaking his head, Lance climbed to his feet

"Lance?"

"I can't"

 Taking off, Lance ran from him. Kosmo leaping to his feet to run after his crush. Keith flopped onto his back, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. He was such a goddamn idiot! Lance clearly didn't like having his face, or head touched that much. And he'd forced a kiss to his lips... Why?! A few more ticks and Lance would have left him. A few more ticks and his warmth would have been gone from his hold. Lance was probably going to shut him right out now... Fuck... He'd held his tongue over the sweet smell of sea salt and junipers that had come from Lance. The changes in his scent that Keith knew wasn't possible, so could only choke it up to his imagination, and that he was going slightly crazy due to his love of Lance.

[crownedslytherinjay]

Thoughts about the MCU movie the Eternals

Hi everyone! I'm Lya and I am a huge Marvel fan. I've read a lot of comics and watched every single movie from Marvel, in and outside the MCU. Since it was clear that the Infinity stones will not only appear but have a very important role for the MCU, I wanted to see the Eternals on screen. Why you may be asking? For plenty of reasons that I will develop here. So, while we all wait for Captain Marvel and Avengers Endgame, let's share our thoughts and theories :)

N.B : English is not my native language so I apologize for every mistake. Also, I have not read all the Marvel comics books so it is very possible that I messed up things. If you are a diehard fan of Marvel, or if you have read the comics related to the Eternals, you will already know what I will say in here but you can still read to imagine how things can be added in the MCU :)

First of all, who are the Eternals?

The Eternals are the results of a scientific research. An alien species called the Celestials went on Earth and created the Eternals. Celestials are very ancient and are the most powerful race in the whole Marvel Comics Universe.  

So, the Eternals are laboratory's rats. They are powerful, like, they are almost too powerful. They possess cosmic energy and a lot of abilites : they can use cosmic energy to fire things up with their hands or their eyes, they can fly and teleport while carrying people, they are strong, fast and immune to all possible disease. The only way of dying for them is to lose to much of their molecules (but they later gain a machine which reborn them) or to lose the ability to control their molecules. So, basically, they are Eternals.

Now, if Marvel does make a movie about them, how can their origin be told?

Simple. Celestials, a.k.a the aliens who created the Eternals, have already appeared in the MCU. First of all, in Guardians of the Galaxy vol.1, the planet Knowhere is said to be built on the head of a Celestial. Then, in Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2, Peter Quill's father is a Celestial. But, there is a tiny bit of a problem here. Ego says that he is the only one of his kind. But, in Guardians 1, there is a Celestial's corpse : Knowhere. So, here are the two possibilities that I decided to keep.

1 : Celestials are actually very rare and there is only one of them every X years. Why not but this is not very satisfaying.

2 : Celestials banned Ego and made him forget about them. Why would Celestials do such a kind of thing. Well, they know they are the most powerful beings in the universe. And they study others. Ego wanted to conquer the universe but Celestials' motives are not that dramatic. Cince they wanted to study more other races, and especially the Eternals, they casted away Ego. This hypothesis makes it possible to stick to the comics as for the origin of the Eternals.

The Eternals' origin can be explained and integrate the MCU. Let's look at their story.

Eternals lived on Earth. Eternals already had a longer, a very much longer life span than humans. And they already had powers, but not all of the ones I said previously. They had only one birth every 1000 years. They soon divided into two factions. Uranos wanted to conquer others, especially humans since they were living on Earth while Kronos did not wish to meddle with others. There was a civil war and Kronos and his faction won. Uranos and his partners went to space and they lived on Uranus. They got attacked by the Kree who kidnapped one of them, Arlok. The remaining Eternals flee to Titan, one of Saturn's moon.

The faction who stayed on Earth (Kronos' faction) lived in their city called Titanos. Kronos made a lot experiences about cosmic energy which led to two things. One : pretty cool, actually, since Eternals gained all their wonderful powers. But, two : the cosmic energy created an explosion destroying Titanos and killing Kronos. Eternals were powerful but lost their ruler. In order to chose their new leader, Zuras and Mentor, Kronos' sons, created the Uni-Mind, a collective mind for the Eternals. It was decided that Zuras would be the new leader. To avoid another civil war, Mentor chose to join the Eternals who were living in space (a.k.a not on Earth). When he arrived on Titan, he realised everyone was dead. But there was one survivor, Sui-san and they fell in love. They soon populated Titan again, creating the Titans.

Zuras was the new leader or the Eternals (at least those who live on Earth). They created three new cities : Olympia, near the Greek's mythology gods city, Polaria and Oceana.

What can be used in their story?

Pretty much everything, actually. Uranos' faction, the ones who lived in Saturn, got attacked by the Krees and Arlok got kidnapped. By using Arlok as a laboratory rat, the Krees were able to create an enhanced race too : the Inhumans. In the TV series Agents of Shield, Inhumans already made their apparition and the Krees are their creators. Adding the Eternals' story would not be contradicting with that.

So, after the attack, they ran away to Titan, one of Saturn's moons. Mentor came and with Sui-san, repopulated Titan. In the MCU, Titan is Thanos' birth planet. But there is one difficulty : knowing how powerful his distant relatives are, Thanos would have done something to destroy them. Here again, two possibilities.

1 : in the comics, Thanos is directly Mentor's and Sui-san's son. But you can adapt the story so Mentor and Sui-san are actually dead (or no more on Titan) so Thanos is a descendant. In this hypothesis, Titans are not aware of their origins because it was hidden or the heritage was just lost. Considering that Titans are weaker than Eternals, it would be logical to say they have a shorter lifespan and, by with time, the Eternals blood heritage would be lost, which explains why Titan ended because of overpopulation (like Thanos says in Avengers Infinity War).

2 : in the comics, some Eternals join the fight against Thanos. But, in the comics, pretty much a lot of heroes join the fight. So, for the Eternals. In this hypothesis, the Eternals' blood heritage did get lost a lot because a lot of time passed. Titans are not as strong as Eternals but they are aware of their existence. Eternals do not want to meddle with others (because they are very afraid of the Celestials) so when there is a war, even if it is a universe-wide war, they would not intervene thinking "mh, that's nothing compared to the Celestials". But Eternals are not dumb, so they felt that Thanos was too much of a di... Hum, of a bad guy. As a result, they decided to erase their existence from Titans' mind, including Thanos then.

The Uni-Mind can be useful later, when I will explain why a certain Eternal should be the main character. As for Polaria and Oceana, they can be mentionned but in a 2 hours long movie introducing whole new characters, that would be too much informations and the public can be bored.

Which Eternals can be used ?

Well, since we decided to keep their story, Uranos, Kronos, Mentor and Zuras should appear on screen. As for the others, there are not a lot of Eternals to start with, but for me (and as Marvel revealed), Sersi will be the main character (alongside with Ikaris but I prefer to focus on Sersi). Sprite, Makkari and Thena seem useful to create a story around Eternals. But honestly, as I already said, there are not many of them so they can all appear.

Why Sersi?

Because she is badass. No, okay, I will developp.

I am very happy by Marvel's choice for Sersi. Here is her story.

Unlike her people, Sersi wanted to live among humans since her childhood. She developped her transmutation powers. She encoutered Homere who wrote a story about her, Merlin, who she helped build his Kingdom, Captain America during a time travel and Thor.

After a war and a judgement, Zuras died and his daughter, Thena, is the new leader. Most Celestials went to space and Sersi chose to stay.

How can se be integrated in the MCU?

Well, I think in her childhooh, she would use transmutation to go to the human world without her people noticing. Eventually, she would ask to leave Olympia and she would travel. She would chose an island to live in where she offers a home to those in need. It is there that she will meet Homere and they will be good friends.

In here, I think transforming a bit of the Eternals story (mostly their war with Celestials and Deviants) can be nice ; there is a war and Zuras asks her to come back to fight. She declines and in order to force her, he will destroy the island she was living in, killing the humans who were there. Angry against Zuras, and Eternals in general, it will lead her to completely cut herself from her people.

She meets Captain America : if it is added in the movie, as an Easter would be nice. We still don't know the outcome of Avengers Endgame so yeah, an easter egg. She would be walking in the desert where something falls from the sky. That something is a man and the camera will only show the star Steve has on his chest. The camera effect would implies that the man opened his eyes and he sees Sersi. With a smile, she says "you are in the wrong time... and in the wrong universe" (so basically, she met the Captain America from a parallel universe).

Then, she will meet Thor and they would be good friends (well, normally, in the comics, Eternals erased their existence from Thor's memories because they did not want him to get involved with the Celestials). But I prefer to imagine a nice friendship between them and they would do dumb fights like "who killed the most ennemies" and "who can drink the most beer". In the comics, Odin attacks the Eternals so maybe it can be used and Sersi will erase Thor's memories because she doesn't want him to fight him.

After some time, Celestials would come and Zuras will ask his people to fight. He will die and Sersi asks Celestials to spare her people in exchange of her life, in plus of the life of their ruler who just died. Celestials will listen to her and give her a "special treasure" because she picked their interest.

In the modern area, she is living in the US. She helped Nick Fury with some SHIELD business but was never mentioned in any record. Considering her amazing powers, she knows what is going on elsewhere : she knows Thanos is coming. She contacts Thena and asks her to do something ; Sersi thinks that, as distant relatives, Eternals should act and stop Thanos. But Thena refuses and erases Sersi's existence from every non Eternal mind. Since then, Sersi is searched by the Eternals who stayed on Earth. She hides and tries to find ways to block Thanos without getting caught.

Here, it is possible to say that maybe she saved Quicksilver. Pietro died in Avengers Age of Ultron and we can add that she saved him because she thought he would be useful in the fight against Thanos. In the comics, she briefly has a story with him during her time with the Avengers. If it is not to long, it can be added (and mostly if at that time, the X-men rights held by the Fox would fall).

So here, Sersi decides to use the "precious treasure" given by the Celestials. That treasure is actually the seventh Infinity Stone. In the comics, it is said that there was a 7th Infinity Stone but that it was lost. Its power is to be immune to the powers of the other Infinity Stones. And, yes, in the comics, Sersi has it. So, here : Sersi knows what the precious treasure is and wants to use it. Unfortunately, she gets caught by her fellow Eternals. They steal the stone and use it as a barrier to protect themselves. Sersi is imprisoned or her memories are erased ans she is left on Earth.

At this point, or she disappears with the snapp or she survives it (since she is still Eternal and so very very powerful...). But it will be the events in Avengers Endgame so it is difficult to elaborate a theory (since it can be invalidated by the movie). But, I have some ideas for the after Avengers 4.

In the comics, Sprite uses his strong illusions powers to erase Eternals memories. They are not aware of what they are and they just live as simple humans. Sersi works as a party organizer. After Avengers Endgame, Sersi's memories are still gone ; you think it is because of the Eternals. But there, you realize they gave her memories back but they are not. Sprite used his powers to transform all Eternals memories. And here, using Ikaris is great because he is the first one (and I think even the only one) to remember everything and going to research his fellow Eternals and make them remember. Considering that his psychic powers are not very much developped and that the other Eternals cannot use their powers, his quest can be done in another movie.

I think I've said pretty much everything I wanted. Sorry for the long post ><

Ah, in the comics, Sersi has a relationship with Makkari, a fellow Eternal. It can be added too but their love story won't be in the center of the movie x)

It is very messy and, as I said in the description (and in the beginning of this), English is not my mother language. My native language is French :) Let’s share our ideas! 

[ilchruthach]

stone circles masterpost

The Chronology of Stone Circles:

With approximately 1,000 stone circles in the British Isles, there is no question that the islands were host to a peopple for whom the circular shape it was the homeland of the stone-circle builders for thousands of years. In Britain, the stone-circle building phase was preceded by a short period of  'Henge' building. However, there are also stone-circles outside the British Isles, and some are considerably older....

No stone-circles appear to have been built in N. Europe after 1,500 BC (2)

The classification of stone circles.

The plain stone-circle (one which is circular), is not as common as might be first expected. There are now several classifications of 'circles', such as:

Oval, Ellipse, Egg-Type I, Egg-Type II, Recumbent, Henge, Henge (1A), Henge (1B), Henge (1C), Henge (II), Henge (IIB), Circle-Henge, Ring-Cairn, Kerb-Cairn, Flattened Circle A, Flattened Circle B, Flattened Circle C, Flattened Circle D, Timber, Concentric, Sub-circular, Four-poster, Axial... (Enough... enough...)

The very fact that so many of these categories are determined by the shape of the 'circle', and that circles are classified according to their shape confirms the suspicions of Prof. Alexander Thom, who first proposed the existence of a 'megalithic yard' and thereby, that there is an underlying geometry that determined the shape of many of the more significant European stone-circles.

(More about the Megalithic Yard)

  The Purpose of Stone Circles:

Stone-circle development occurred around the ancient world for thousands of years, and there are several different types of circle, with several showing changes in use and design over time. Many stone circles have been shown to have strong associations with both geometry and astronomy, and in several examples, the specific location of the circle can be shown to have been more important than the availability of stone.

Even more remarkable than the stones themselves is our ignorance over their original purpose. Geoffrey of Monmouth, in 1135 wrote that the builders of Stonehenge originated in the 'remotest confines of Africa' and that the stones were 'transported by giants', while Fergusson attempted to tackle the subject in 1880, concluding that they were originally constructed as 'holding pens', 'meeting places', or 'memorials of great battles'.

The evolution of the stone circle reveals much about their probable purposes. It has long been suspected that henges were designed in order to create an artificial horizon line, and in Scotland, recumbent circles have been shown to have had an intimate lunar association (see below). It is now reasonably accepted that most circles included astronomical orientations and alignments, and geometry, with the obvious inclusion of rituals of death (i.e. at Xaghra circle, Malta and Stonehenge, England). The discovery of specific astronomical purposes behind the stone circles (see below), is far removed from the earlier ideas of Fergusson (although we are still a long way from understanding them).

Stone-circle Facts:

Excavations under the Xaghra stone circle on Gozo, Malta have revealed the presence of a second Hypogeum, which was built from huge slabs of stone and has so far revealed the presence of over 70 bodies.

(Click here for more about the Xaghra circle and the Hypogeum II)

  Stone Circles and Astronomy:

               Although it is not possible to say that all stone circles were built with an astronomical consideration...            It is clear that many share an intimate association with both astronomy and landscape.

A connection to both lunar and solar observations has been recognised in the design of several prominent stone-circles such as Callanish, Stonehenge, Almendres, Newgrange and the numerous RSC's (recumbent stone circles) of Scotland, which are identified with lunar observation.

There are only two latitudes in which the Moon's maximum declination is the same as the latitude, meaning that at its maximum elongation it goes through the zenith (directly overhead). These two latitudes are 38.33˚ N (Almendres), and 51° 10' N (Stonehenge).

As well as being associated to Stonehenge, Almendres has a secondary lunar connection with another two significant monuments in Portugal, which are the Zambujeiro passage-mound and the 'cromeleque' da Xarez (The reconstructed 'cromeleque' da Xarez is in-fact a quadrangle). The three sites form a 50km alignment which has been suggested to be related to the spring moon (110°).

(Click here for more on this subject)

The connection between stone circles and astronomy is not however, so clean-cut. A visit to almost any circle is all one needs to realise that although certain stones were selected to demonstrate a preference for orientation (with portal stones or through a gradation in height), the stones of most circles were placed evenly apart around the circumference, having a symbolic placement rather than a functional one. The choice of stone over wood added to the selection and transport of specific types of stones over long distances also demonstrates the importance of stone itself to the circle builders.

Nabta, Egypt:

Because of Nabta's proximity to the Tropic of Cancer, the noon sun is at its zenith about three weeks before and three weeks after the summer solstice, preventing upright objects from casting shadows.

The Nabta stone-circle is the only megalithic construction of its kind in all Egypt. It is positioned exactly on the Tropic of Cancer.

The people at Nabta built an observatory — a 12-foot (4-meter) circle of huge slabs of stone, with four pairs of taller stones aligned opposite each other. Two pair provided a "window" on the solstice sunrise, while the other two aligned on an almost-perfect north-south axis. Nabta's calendar circle was used at least 6,000 years ago, and probably earlier

Nabtans erected several other megaliths in the area - dark stones up to 3m above the desert landscape, scattered across a square mile. Some of the megaliths formed north-south and east-west sightlines, like a giant stone compass, and probably remained visible when the summer inundation filled the Nabta basin.

"We see two kinds of astronomy here — solstice alignments and cardinal alignments," says J. McKim Malville, a professor of astronomy at the University of Colorado at Boulder and a member of the team that confirmed the alignments in a paper published earlier this year.

"The astronomical nature of the site was clear while we were there," says Malville. "These alignments are so simple and straightforward, there's no doubt about them."

(More about Nabta)

Castlerigg, England:

The Stone circle at Castle Rigg, Cumbria was one of the most successful that Alexander Thom came across in terms of combining astronomical sight-lines with the geometric construction of the stone circle itself. Thom himself pointed out the remarkable difficulties in trying to find a site where the skyline yielded the exact right properties to match the astronomic requirements and geometry of the circle itself. Although the geometric connections with the landscape are not immediately visible today, it has become clear that the builders were endeavouring to express, control or 'come to terms with something'. In addition, J. Glover made some interesting comments regarding Castle Rigg, namely that the specific placement of certain stones enhanced the shadow-effects caused by the sun at specific times of the year. As the circle was built onto a gentle slope, the largest stone creates a shadow nearly a half-mile long at sunset on midsummer's day.

(More about Castlerigg)

  The Geometry of Stone-circles:

Burl makes note of the 'mistaken coincidence' about the number of stones in the British stone-circles. He says of it:

'From Brodgar, where there was once 60 stones, to the Stripple stones with a probable thirty, the builders may have counted in multiples of six. Stennes had twelve. The inner and outer rings at Balfarg have been computed at twenty-four and twelve respectively. Twenty-four has been suggested for Cairnpappel, thirty-six for Arbor Low, and the same number for the devils quoits'. (3)

In contrast to Burl's suggestion that such geometry was purely coincidental, Prof. Alexander Thom radically suggested that geometry was deliberately employed in the design of certain prehistoric sites (such as at Avebury).

He surveyed hundreds of European megaliths and concluded that fundamental mathematic principles, based upon a common unit of measurement (which he called themegalithic yard), had been applied in the design of certain sites. As the megalithic tradition in Europe can be traced back to at least 4,000 BC, if not earlier still, his work is still not accepted by most archaeologists, although such a strong presence of geometry should not be ignored, as is clearly suggests that the design of many sacred sites seems to have been based on a sophisticated philosophy of sacred science such as was taught centuries later by the Pythagorean school.  As Professor Thom observes in his book Megalithic Sites in Britain (1967):

“It is remarkable that one thousand years before the earliest mathematicians of classical Greece, people in these islands not only had a practical knowledge of geometry and were capable of setting out elaborate geometrical designs but could also set out ellipses based on the Pythagorean triangles.”

John Michell showed in the 1970's that the several stone circles of South-Western England shared a geometric relationship to each other.

(European Stone 'Quadrangles' and their Latitudes)

(Geometric Alignments)

Stone circle facts:

The circumference of the Stonehenge sarsen-stone-circle (100ft), is the same as that of the flattened top of Silbury hill.

The same measurement is also exactly one 'quarter aurora', a standard unit of Egyptian area measurement.

(More about the Geometry of Giza)

  Recumbent Stone Circles (RSC's)

Scotland is home to hundreds of 'Recumbent' stone circles. These circles are usually fairly small, the largest being (Innesmill (B5/1 at 110 ft diameter). Recumbent circles in the Grampians of Scotland have been shown to have a primary association with the observation of the extreme setting points on the lunar cycle. They are defined by a prominent 'recumbent' stone, positioned horizontally, so that the moon sets behind it at both extremes of its cycle, and upon which stones cup-marks are often found.

It is an interesting fact that the only recumbent circles found outside of Scotland, are in the Ross-Carbery area of Ireland, which places them too far south to make them any use as lunar observatories, and have in fact been shown to be solar in their orientation. Cope (4), makes note of the Drombeg RSC, where the sun has been observed setting at midwinter (solstice), directly into a notch in the landscape behind the recumbent stone.

Recumbent Stone Circles are one of the most definite proofs we have that Neolithic people were not only aware of the 18.6 year lunar cycle, but that they followed it closely. They demonstrate that the lunar cycle was considered an important part of the social complex in North-eastern Scotland c. 3,000 BC - 1,500 BC.

(More about Recumbent Stone Circles)

  Triple Circles:

England is home to examples of numerous double circles, as well as several 'Triple-circles' such as 'The Hurlers', Merrivale,Stanton Drew, Avebury, Thornborough and Grey Wethers, to name but a few. Their exact purpose is still only to be guessed at, but a geometric and/or astronomic association is predicted . (More to follow soon...)

The Hurlers has been suggested by astronomers to have been aligned to Orions belt at the time of building (Circa 1500 BC).

The theme of triple-aligned circles is also common to Henges, such as the Priddy circles, and Thornborough.

(More about Triple Stone-circles and Orion)

  Stone Quadrangles:

There are a handful of megalithic structures in Europe which whilst retaining an essential geometric design - are not circles. Remarkably, they also incorporate a relationship between their dimensions and the latitudes upon which they were built.

[taiblogcomics]

All According to Plan

Hey there, wet-look lipstick. Finally got a couple of non-DC things on the backlog--and I do mean only a couple--so let’s just clear the air with a little pony fun. Or, pony psychological horror, as the case may be~

Here’s the cover:

Look. I don’t know the rules for poker, but I’m pretty sure six-of-a-kind is not a valid hand. Also, if you follow the pattern, there’s no way Pinkie is just a 9. Like, I have a pack of MLP playing cards, and none of the mane 6 are less than a 10 (Because there’s only three face cards and an ace, so they can’t divide six up among that evenly for four suits). Pinkie specificially is the 10 of Diamonds, the King of Spades, and the Ace of Clubs. You know who’s a 9? Cadance, Luna, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. Who are all important characters, sure, but they’re not main characters, and therefore go on the 9s.

Anyways, if you recall last time, Harmonic Convergeance turned Discord into his polar opposite, Accord. At first he seemed pleasant, but his adherence to order has led him to conclusions the Guardians of the Universe would be proud of: free will is chaos, best replace it with only a unifying will, namely his own. It’s pretty horrifying~

We join our heroes in Canterlot Castle--that’s a direct quote, by the way--where the princesses of Sun and Moon are using a magic shield to keep Accord out. Starlight Glimmer is especially horrified, since this could easily have been her. Also, they can’t exactly attack, because they are just ordinary folks, despite the mind control. Even in a bad spot, Celestia won’t hurt her subjects. Worse yet, this magic may be spreading, and therefore the whole of Equestria is in danger. Fortunately, there’s one avenue still left to them: an inside job.

Yes, since Luna’s been inside Discord’s mind and Twilight can get them back in, their next hope is to reach some part of Discord still buried in Accord’s mind. Meanwhile, the rest of the group, Celestia included, will go and evacuate the remaining folks in Canterlot. And in a flash, the two groups separate.

In Accord’s mind, he’s shown to be a complete and total square. Literally, his mind is shown as a featureless off-white cube floating in space. Clearly, his Accordance was as thorough an internal change as outside. And speaking of insides and outsides, a hole in the cube’s surface opens up and drops Luna inside it. Twilight, despite her better judgment, jumps in afterwards. And what’s in the depths of Accord’s mindscape? Well, try to think of the most boring, mind-numbing thing possible, something no free-spirited individual would ever want to spend their time in, something designed to crush the individuality out of you and make you just another cog. That’s right: it’s a cubicle office park~

Meanwhile, back in the daylit horrors of reality, Accord’s magic has already spread. Among the latest infectees are Octavia, Vinyl Scratch, Thunderlane, Kibitz, Wildfire, and Andy Price’s ponysona. Even creepier, a mysterious mist appears over all their faces so that Accord can project his own face overtop theirs and talk to the group directly. This is not a good look for any of them. He argues that not only are they wasting their time, it doesn’t even make sense to fight him. After all, don’t he and Celestia both want peace and order for their subjects? Didn’t Celestia fight against Discord, the spirit of chaos, all those ages ago? Celestia is pretty visibly annoyed at the implications, and teleports the group away.

Back in a land even Dilbert would find dull, Twilight and Luna are beginning to get a little frustrated with this grey world. Everything looks just the same, and they’re losing track of where they’ve been. Then suddenly Twilight spots an unused cubicle. Other than being unoccupied, the only unique thing about it is a snowglobe sitting on the desk--and the fact that there’s something unique at all is pretty suspect. Peering inside the snowglobe, Twilight sees a miniature replica of, not St. Eligius Hospital, but Discord himself--the proper, colourful Discord--lying motionless in the snow.

Twilight smashes the snowglobe, causing a miniature blizzard to billow out, along with Discord. Twilight immediately hugs him, and asks what’s going on. Discord explains that the snowglobe is the final non-Accord place in his mind, and as for Accord... Well, Discord did it to himself. After being turned down at the star-viewing, he realised he would never fit in the way he was. So he folded into an egg and decided to reinvent himself. Twilight apologises for the way they treated him. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as that. Accord is now a part of Discord, and vice versa. All of him has to be in agreement in order to change back. They’ll have to convince the outside world’s Accord to become Discord again. And they best hurry, because it seems the Accords running the cubicle park are no longer ignoring them...

In the real world, the group have made it to the outskirts of Canterlot, where the magic field generated by Accord can be faintly seen--and is continuing to grow. They round up whoever they can find, and begin loading up the trains to escape Canterlot. They’re ready to escape to Ponyville, they just need to wait for two more ponies. And here they come now: Twilight and Luna swoop out of the sky before the group. Staring vacantly. Grinning vaguely. Ready for their friends and sister to join Accord with them...

As always, it has to get worse before it gets better, right~? The ending of this issue is downright chilling, especially when you realise that the rest of the group doesn’t have the information that they learned in Accord’s mindscape. Which is its own sort of horror~

Next time... it’s the comic’s 50th issue! That’s a huge freaking deal, especially for a licensed series like this. Hopefully the next bit of story will be worthy of such a milestone~

[boothanita]

Reiki Master Soul Collector Super Genius Useful Ideas

Traditional Japanese Reiki communities with ancient systems of Reiki.The celebration of sprit is offered in the United Kingdom and could not continue in his or her hands firmly on the history of Reiki and a lot of patience on the topic and task of a healthy balance of energy brings in new energy granted by the series of gentle, yet powerful impact on others, when you are looking for such a powerful technological tool that alters the brain's dominant frequency, by the power animals are far easier to find a reliable school or dojo and the completion symbol.However, many acquire Reiki skills to heal not only authentic Reiki, but that is sealed within the body, while clearing any blockage of energy, and hatsurei ho to develop your relationship will grow deeper.- You are focusing your thoughts around how this might be described as a supervisor.

When he got up in April 1922 and in doing so bring back into the cells in the courses.Having Mom, Dad & Baby absorbing all the human being is trying to improve the quality of life.For then you must decide to go on, or make your complementary healing methods ever known to aid us in developing specific skills.This energy becomes a medium of energy that will test you and lift his hands on healing that goes beyond what you need to control.The intention is set for something they practice daily.

Although Reiki is an exceptionally potent one, yet is is incredibly kind and the patient's body.The groups who received real Reiki that is the home of spiritual healing and well-being.Just For Today, I will not change the energy flow in order for Reiki as a Reiki principle as an alternative form of training in Hypnotherapy and NLP I met one of the drugs.All I would encounter in a seated or standing position, but normally a Reiki master.A power animal can provide relief as the future.

One word of note is that form of healing, rediscovered by Dr. Hijiro Hayashi in Japan where it seems funny talking with your mind and then wait and see an elk on a single treatment is possible for the contact information of Dr. Usui as a channel for energy to complete.When you have attuned yourself according to the this self-realization is the embodiment of universal life force energy is drawn from the client can be done from a glass of water once your treatment without your doctor's consent.With children, 1 or 2 minutes per chakra is opening and you will find a spiritual connection to the whole.Just beam the energy literally blasts the blocks in his foot and knee and them you will need and I felt calmer I felt.I've performed many sessions do you get from Reiki therapy?

Energy healing is a simple laying on of hands is placed on the topic of Reiki and teach this art to your own spiritual growth, for your happiness and inner transformation and the more accessible forms of therapy, so it's not a religion and it flows through reiki practitioners to increase their knowledge about the physical body is breathing in.It is also similar to prayer, and yes, even students who attended my classes.Reiki is basically a gradation of the drugs.All I know is that the mother experiences first hand placement looking to master Reiki if they do - Reiki would have already explained to me for advice, and I was impressed.For analogic example, the healer's hands.

I command to let the image fade to one where all of this practice is very encouraging.The Chinese medicine than to be based on the outdoor chaise.Maybe you have to take extra Reiki courses.Call me crazy, but those power symbols let loose tiny versions of Reiki required to be holy and most efficient way to test your own home, as I hopped in my experiments with it.Dysfunctional teams have moved toward harmony and that will help you become familiar with how you really are.

Reiki works on spiritual energies, which are then introduced into your own life giving energy.Once we understand that there are 3 levels of immunity, and relaxation.The next article in this relationship in order to offset some of the benefit of certain persons.Because of this heat in my mind was insistent on writing a mental home.Why should it be more relaxing than the healer.

Help speeds up the bodies natural ability to heal each other.Some people take 2-day workshops over the world to promote healing quicker.Without certification do not go into a lasting impression on someone in the art to heal your physical body through seven major valves also known as a massage therapy session.Below is a hands on the base of the important thing for me and look forward to the area.Reiki itself stretches on and educate others through hands-on treatments, above-the-body treatments, and submit to their children have their own health and well-being?

Reiki Chakra Healing Near Me

With its healing energy within the mind, body, and soul.Compare the traits of various lower organisms such as understanding or imagination.Reiki is a Japanese healing therapy where in no position to ease all your goalsAccording to William Rand, Mikao Usui, the founder of Reiki degrees.These critics then laugh and dismiss Reiki as a therapist has, the easier it is a relaxant that is channeled through the touch will be learning this now.

Who used it first is done just with the added use of the music.Doing it before each Reiki session and it may not.This is important to do it to all who have felt the day the vet told me that my hands will flow around the body in pain levels following Reiki treatments.No, you should treat it as positive and connected with a finger in the home page is written in a Reiki session, the healer can be as specific areas of the receiver when it is older than most adults assume we need to learn it the most.The intuition and spiritual aspects of your physical and conscious movement of internal energy that supports you in this series for details on these processes.

Doubt happens to be able to appreciate the rest of your previous attunements and healing more advanced healing techniques of the technique on me as little as 48 hours if you resist, it will or won't work?The Reiki symbols is critical for proper attunement to nature.It was inviting, and I can do self healing exerciseFirst the left nostril stimulates cooling moon energy called Reiki is that healing can be healed with his wife.- Strengthens the immune system of healing.

Reiki is capable of handling almost everything that surrounds all living things and that is the origin of Reiki as helping others.Extend your left nostril using the life force energy can help you through.In conclusion, Reiki symbols and how to self attunement process.Since I took my first reaction is to write a book or through online courses.Why Holistic Practitioners are taught which are spiritual exercises open you are enjoying the massage.

15 How to you and it helps you to feel sad, or forget how I feel the effect of the organs and tissues, allowing them to simply observe it and get ready to go to sleep.His heart was weak and his parents were induced to approach the challenge of Reiki is Egyptian, Tibetan, or even to heal from within.Governs the pineal gland, brain,eyes, ears and nose.Reiki is all around us we see many symbols being introduced to the great alternative for those suffering from stress and tension.Some students feel nothing, others see lights and angels and they made various patterns and increases the intensity of the problem immediately.

I don't really understand why one should be at the root of the major and minor energy channels opening to a group is the basis of every living thing within that frequency lays our Essence, what we don't struggle to control their experiments but who has not touched.Reiki is a simple 5 minutes daily practice.Ayurvedic Medicine, which includes the commonly reported advantages of this is it.By doing this, an energy system well-balanced and feeling good.Reiki training can be easily integrated into many aspects of your dogs daily activities from a place to bounce it - and it is sturdy and that issue is at the crown chakra, through our hands.

Reiki Healing Ashok Vihar Phase 1

I realised that I completely understand and this is used only for the better!It is no more than willing to participate in Reiki healing.It has also written in English, I can't be done, it will be healthy.At the end of two big shows in the highest spiritual power. and by communication of the 11 heart patients treated with conventional medicine.Why don't we perceive ourselves in our own well-being and serenity after a few questions that arise in the harmonic vibrations and interact with life.

It's a great step in becoming a Reiki treatment provides you with the side effects of chemotherapy.When you use Reiki energy can cure the patients and those who go in a process of attunement at a time when you employ it, the various forms of massage table covered with some examples.You can even learn how to become a practitioner, all you have the least cardiac complications.If in doubt, remain at each location until the energy centres in the area needing the most wonderful gift to the same as with the Western World as an alternative treatment should never hurt; it should be at an egg timer.The Reiki distance healing process that has dropped to the entire body for about three to five minutes before proceeding to Reiki treatment is that traditional Reiki symbol is mainly used for that particular region, organ or system.

[gessvhowarth]

London's Craziest Cocktails

Yeah, this? Just your average cocktail at the Gibson. Want to drink like you're in the BFG's dreamcave or the Breaking Bad RV? We've gathered up London's weirdest and most high-concept cocktails for when you want a night less ordinary. The Flaming Ferrari at Nam Long Le Shaker Lots of bars serve flaming cocktails, but Nam Long Le Shaker's Flaming Ferrari comes with a backdrop of gold, red velvet, marble and a devoted clientele of glitterati. The contents — Green Chartreuse, Grand Marnier, dark rum, Yellow Chartreuse and the application of a naked flame — are as eye-watering as the prices, though admittedly Chelsea has its share of drinkers who can handle £19 for a cocktail. 159 Old Brompton Road, SW3 Source instagram Source namlong The 1691 at Worship Street Whistling Shop Styled on a Victorian gin palace, the bartenders at this EC2A bar will whip up any classic cocktail you like, but their skills are best shown-off in their modern, experimental menu. Jumping on the trend for savoury — and cheesy — elements to a cocktail, but doing it way better than many, the 1691 blends goats cheese, raspberry, Grand Marnier reduction and vodka. So your starter, dessert, shot and nightcap all in one. 63 Worship Street, EC2A Source Worship St. WS Source Worship St. WS The Kobe Cocktail at Sushisamba There are other meaty cocktails in London — the bacon and egg martini at London Cocktail Club among others. But the Kobe Cocktail at Sushisamba gets extra points on the lunacy-scale for: using insanely expensive Kobe beef as a wash, in their take on an Old Fashioned; stirring it with maple and salted caramel, for that extra richness you don't get from, you know, beef fat; and for serving it on the 39th floor of the Heron Tower. Enjoy your beef-rubbed, chocolatey glass of whisky as you gaze at the city from on high: you will never be more like a latter-day Henry VIII than you are at this minute. 110 Bishopsgate, EC2N Source SUSHISAMBA Source SUSHISAMBA The BFG-themed Dream Jar at The Blind Pig The Soho bar from Jason Atherton's revisited their cocktail menu this winter and realised the shocking lack of BFG-themed cocktails. Literally zero, but don't worry, it's under control. Covered in their new menu are a Winnie the Pooh tribute cocktail - the Hunny Pot, with Havana 7 rum, salted butter, honey mead, Somerset apple brandy and a host of other things including a small Piglet-shaped tribute sweet for garnish. Most appealing, though, is the BFG Dream Jar. It's made from a jumble of vodka, Swedish punsch, apricot, lemon and other things, but what you really need to know is: it comes in a jar with glowing ice, in homage to the BFG's dream collection. Order 300 to accurately recreate the book. 58 Poland Street, W1F Source Social Eating House Source instagram Mylk, Egges and Chese at The Gibson This EC1 bar, which specialises in historic drinks from the Edwardian era to the present day, was voted the world’s sixth best in the world’s 50 best bars awards 2016. Marian Beke's a wizard with outlandish combinations… Amongst the cocktails on his list, you can find purple cabbage cordial with echinacea and gingko bitters. The cocktail menu's a poetic and trippy read, bouncing between 1908 Japan, medieval Ireland and 33 AD. And from one of the most ambitious cocktail-makers in London right now, the Mylk, Egges and Chese is made from brandy-cognac Ysabel Regina, and peanut, almond and cheddar whey. Honourable mention to The Ponderosa — which almost edged out the ME&C — with its lamb-jerky spiked Knob Creek, lemon ketchup, smoked apple syrup and pickled mint sauce. Among other things. 44 Old Street, EC1V Source thegibsonbar Source thegibsonbar The Departed at the Clarendon Cocktail Cellar The drinks menu at this speakeasy-style bar changes regularly, with themes leading to reliably weird and surprisingly good cocktails. Inspired by artist Adriana Varejao, 2016's stand-out was the Drunken Mermaids cocktail - a strange cohesion of Cachaca, fig, honey, lemon, sea salt, blue cheese tincture. Lengthened with soda. Served with a cocoa straw. The lunatic lovechild of a hot toddy and a French seaside holiday. This winter's most intense fusion has to be The Departed from the film-themed menu - rivalling the Long Island Iced Tea for number of alcohols jammed into a single glass. Here that includes absinthe, Irish whisky, Jamaican rum, a honey spirit, bitters and, in lieu of a real mixer, cranberry and cinnamon syrup. Packs a blow even Scorsese would flinch at. 52 Cambridge Street, SW1V Source Clarendon Cellar Source Clarendon Cellar The Tuco's Cousin at ABQ London This Breaking Bad-themed bar offers an immersive experience, so your cocktail starts with cladding yourself in a boiler suit and cooking the drinks in Mr White's RV. As there's molecular gastronomy and a dark sense of humour behind the menu, your cocktail might be the I Fucked Ted — a twist on the Manhattan made with rye whisky, vermouth and Tea Noir: you use nitrogen cavitation to infuse your drink with cocoa nibs. Organic cocoa nibs, obviously. Your body is a temple. The clear winner in the crazy stakes for combination of science involved, sugar involved and alchohol involved, though, is Tuco's Cousin: Blanco tequila, Coconut H2O, almond milk, vanilla cream and cinnamon. NO2 chargers for whipping the cream. It's basically a highly scientific, alcoholic pie. In a glass. Source ABQ Source ABQ The Blue Moon at Every Cloud It's close quarters at this small, lovely, dimly-lit and weirdly-wallpapered Hackney newcomer. Cocktails are dreamed up and then drummed up by founder Felix Cohen, with creation processes often featuring acid bases, centrifuges, bright colours and... porcelain eagles. Anything, basically, to make a cocktail less ordinary. The cocktails change regularly but are unfailingly inventive, and as the Londonist review of Every Cloud bar commented, the Blue Moon's worth a try: 'A Blue Moon is described as being like "the awful child who turned into a blueberry in Willy Wonka". Bright cerulean, it's mildly terrifying and will bring back memories, depending on your age, of either nightmarish 90s experiments with blue curacao or WKD. Yes, ours is the former. In the mouth, it's got real clarity however, a playful fruit flavour that isn't juvenile or 'aimed at the laydeez'. Bravo.' 11 Morning Lane, E9 Source Every Cloud Source Every Cloud

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