#I rarely post my own gifs online but these needed to be shared

[phant0m-l0rd]

Appreciation post for Tatiana Shmayluk (Jinjer) in the Mediator (2021) music video~

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

[the-s1lly-corner]

Heyy me again so about the creepypasta thing, I just wondered if you can do Ben drowned with a gen z reader platonically? It's okay if your uncomfortable doing it ><

Ben drowned x gen z!reader (platonic!)

not uncomfortable at all! love that im getting ben drowned requests since i enjoy him a lot and kind of want to write for him more; just strictly platonic ..which reminds me, i need to draw him again soon! gonna answer this then take a break and get back to requests yipe!

admin is still sold on the idea of ben being confined to electronics most of the time so i can easily see him gaining access to your devices so he can pester you whenever he wants; though this may get a little annoying since youre... well still alive! you have a life

whether or not the reader is a creepypasta themselves or is a normal person is up to you! i think both can work, though i must say the idea of the reader being just some random person is really funny. like can you imagine? you get some haunted virus but the ghost is chill an you guys become friends

i do think ben can only mess with devices, i dont think he can mess with like. any internet browser stuff.... which segways me to my next idea; the og creepypasta came out in 2010, majoras mask came out in 2000, so putting it in the middle lets say ben died in 2005.. bro has missed a lot. youre going to have to fill him in on a lot of stuff, and boy let me tell you hes going to be going nuts

tell him about the new legend of zelda games. i think he would be hyped. throwing admins hc of ben being sick and tired of LOZ due to being trapped in the game out the window, admin needs this boy to get joyous!

he probably pesters you and asks you about the dumbest shit, does it on purpose because he thinks its funny

sometimes you guys play video games together, bro is absolutely astounded by how far games have come since he passed away. i think he would go insane over five nights at freddys. fill him in on the lore

going back on the video game stuff and playing together, just know that hes going to break the game and cheat + hes a sore loser, soooooooo...

do you think sometimes he comes and tries to spend time with you more and more over time because hes been stuck for years and hasnt really had many people to talk to? like yeah hes an angry spirit, but even angry spirits deserve friends!!!

ponders

probably messes with you by messing with your recordings if youre trying to make a video/tiktok/reel/what have you

probably interjects his own texts into your posts, never really says anything harmful, just messes with spelling or adds dumb messages

honestly its not your SM account/blog, its yalls shared account/blog now/j

stuck with old 2000s humor but i think he would absolutely love present day humor and how unhinged its gotten, though quick warning hes going to start quoting stuff

definitely quotes the sticking out your gyatt thing, hes going to drive you insane with it and hes going to laugh at you

do not play roblox tycoons with him hes going to bully small children

you guys play a horror game together on roblox and you can hear him freaking out through the speakers (likely using an old device for him so youre not fighting for control over one device)

absolutely DEVASTED when you tell him club penguin shut down

just know hes punching the metaphorical wall

on the rare chance ben is able to pull himself into the real world for a brief period of time, you guys probably do the same stuff hes just physically there for a short time!

make him touch grass while hes out, bro hasnt touched grass in nearly 20 years. this isnt even a haha "hes chronically online" joke, he hasnt actually touched grass in years due to circumstances

closing this with a hit of angst that made me go :( but imagine that it starts out as you guys being around the same age (well... close enough, since ben doesnt age anymore due to being a ghost) but overtime, you obviously grow up and have less and less time for him and :(

like owie

"what happened to us? we used to be best friends?" audio but its you two SOBS AND CRIES

[ainulassyakirin]

‘Is blogging still relevant in the age of TikTok’s and Instagram?’

Indeed, it remains relevant to this day and age. Despite the rise of TikTok and Instagram, some individuals continue to pursue blogging as their hobby. I also do the same thing, just like right now, I do my blog because I need to do it for my assignment. People continue to read blogs to find information or conduct research. As for me, I read blogs to learn tips or simply to immerse myself in other people's stories, (particularly those who have their hearts broken HE HE HE)

IS BLOGGING STILL RELEVANT IN 2024?

Is blogging still relevant? Does anyone still use blogs? When I discuss blogging, I often encounter these types of inquiries. Instagram and TikTok have embraced blogging as a crucial online platform for self-expression. You might wonder whether blogging still holds significance in today's digital world.

The dominance of social media platforms nowadays has led some to declare that blogging is dead. But this couldn’t be any further from the truth. Because young people now only know Instagram and TikTok, they are rarely aware of blogging. Even if they know it, they may believe that blogging is solely for the elderly, a completely unfounded misconception. (like duhhh... elderly whoooooooo?)

Aside from that, we can also share different types of topics through blogging, such as personal life, education, awareness, and more. It functions similarly to a diary, but with the added benefit of typing and the ability to add gifs to make it more interesting.

WHAT IS BLOGGING?

let me tell youuuuu.....

Blogging also often involves sharing long-form articles on a specific subject. Consider the topic of treating an individual suffering from a mental health issue. (I think I also need to read about it because my deluluness is already at a higher level.)

Most of the time, the blogger chooses a topic that can attract the interest of their target audience. Most blogs have a specific target audience, such as young people who are interested in fashion or makeup. By writing about it, we can pique the interest of young people, encouraging them to visit the blog and learn more about makeup and fashion. Additionally, we can include numerous pictures and videos to enhance their understanding.

INSTAGRAM VS TIKTOK VS BLOG

In the digital sphere, blogging, Instagram, and TikTok each have their own functions and present different benefits and difficulties for content producers. This is a comparison of various platforms according to their features, duration of material, and audience interaction.

Each medium serves the same purpose, allowing people to share and post about topics they are passionate about. The delivery method is the only difference. Blogging is more about writing and reading, but Instagram and TikTok allow users to post reels or videos to convey their perspectives. (As a shy shy cat, talking in front of the camera is a no-no.)

We can use all three mediums as platforms for awareness, leveraging their unique formats to engage audiences and foster community support. To improve the blog, we can use educational resources. A lot of blogs on mental health offer helpful information about resources, treatment alternatives, and coping mechanisms. This educational component empowers the readers to prioritize their mental health and seek assistance when needed. While TikTok primarily focuses on viral content, mental health issues frequently gain popularity, raising awareness and inspiring people to share their personal narratives. When we click on hashtags like #MentalHealth Awareness, we can highlight all topics related to mental health. Instagram prioritizes visual impact, enabling users to share impactful photos and graphics related to mental health issues. Using quotes or infographics, you can effectively communicate ideas about mental health.

However, if you're looking for a comprehensive resource on mental health, I recommend reading the blog, as it provides everything you need (including a psychology number if you're interested, idiihhhhhh).

While TikTok and Instagram offer immediate engagement and access to vast audiences, blogging remains a powerful tool for creating lasting content with full ownership. Each platform has its strengths; thus, many creators succeed by integrating all three into their strategies. Using Instagram or TikTok as promotional funnels can drive traffic back to blogs, where deeper engagement occurs. Ultimately, the choice between these platforms depends on individual goals, target audiences, and preferred content styles.

That is all from me..bye.

REFERENCES

Corinne (2021). Is blogging dead? The rise of Instagram and TikTok. [online] Skinnedcartree. Available at: https://skinnedcartree.com/2021/04/is-blogging-dead-the-rise-of-instagram-and-tiktok.html

indeed editorial team (2023). What Is Blogging? (With Definition, Advantages And Tips) | Indeed.com India. [online] in.indeed.com. Available at: https://in.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/what-is-blogging.

Lou, S. (2024). Blogging vs Instagram: Which One is the Best? [online] A Picturesque Life. Available at: https://apicturesquelife.com/2024/04/11/blogging-vs-instagram/

MWENGENMEIR (2014). Habermas’ Public Sphere – Media Studies 101. [online] Opentextbc.ca. Available at: https://opentextbc.ca/mediastudies101/chapter/habermas-public-sphere/.

McCoy, J. (2024). Is There a Future for Blogging in the Age of Social Media? [online] BrandWell. Available at: https://brandwell.ai/blog/is-there-a-future-for-blogging/

Wood, M. (2024). Is Blogging Still Relevant In 2024? Available at: https://www.thehoth.com/blog/blogging-for-seo/

Yugeetha Balan, "What is digital communities". Media and Communication. 3 September 2024,  Swinburne University of Technology Sarawak. Lecture

[annbourbon]

Being honest right here: I don't know how people fake an online persona. I can't. I am either liking you or not liking you. But that's entirely up to your way of acting with me. I don't have other persona, just different emotions.

You lying to others it's not my problem but I will end up distrusting you. Are you talking about me in a bad way? I don't like people who talk about others behind their back unless it's to create a surprise party or to actually help someone. We can talk for hours about the weather if you don't know any better~ I have spent days and years trying to be similar to Sweden (a neutral territory) only to be stabbed in the back. I am still trying to be a neutral territory but in my own way so usually I end up disliking people with a fake personality even if it's online.

Nowadays I'm cutting off on people more often. I don't have a lot of time so if I'm with you~ or I want to lose my time with you♡ (spending more than 3 hours with you) you're inside my group of favorite people in this whole world. My patience is limited.

I don't like liars. I do lie, when I am asked to or when I don't want to hurt your feelings. But hey~ even my parents know that I don't lie and according to them: I am the type of person who you can ask for an honest opinion because I don't hold favorites or lie about things. (tbh they made me laugh when they said that cause they were looking at me with apprehension wondering if i was to like the story they were showing me or not)

I think that's how I've been able to go around people asking me for reviews of their stuff~ which is fun cause I love trying onto things.

So yeah, I will hurt your feelings but only when you need it. A bit of tough love you can say~ And always with a dose of truth. I don't go around being blunt just for the sake of it. Around the years I've learned a couple of things on how not to hurt people. But I'm self aware, yes, sometimes I act like an idiot or a snob. You can call me out on it. I'll take it any day cause I strive to do better. Being with me can be easy or hard lol apparently I don't do things halfway. Scratch that: I don't do things halfway. I'm a puurrrfectionist.

I love performance. So sometimes I can act a bit melodramatic or play around. Yet I don't like to beg for attention. I also don't like or do conditionals.

Conditionals be like: "I love you but~ I wish you were more like this or that", "I love you but~"

Conditionals are a way to show you don't love someone. If you leave me overthinking I'll get anxious around you. And eventually I will cut you off.

I AM SLOW. Let me walk and enjoy and go at my own pace. Consider me a turtle or a snail. If you force me onto something, I'll do it. Then I'll cut you off. Unless I end up enjoying it. I will admit when I'm wrong.

My friends and the people I interact with are actually mature, smart, kind and know that they can reach me anytime and I'll be there. Yes, even at 4AM. But if I block you, you're done with me. I rarely give second chances after blocking you out of my life.

I argue. A lot. I'm not afraid of doing it so. I love a good debate. And I have tendency to believe I am right. But if you use logic and facts to create your argument I'll be impressed and I'll review mine.

I don't like surprises. Unless it's a surprise party. Or secrets. But I won't ask about yours. If you tell me, I'll keep my mouth shut. If you want me to share, I'll do it. I won't tell you mine if I don't trust you. And if I trust you and you betray me or use it against me, you're dead to me. Death it's way worse than being blocked in my world.

And I think with this post I finish everything you need to know about me. After that interacting with me should be easy~ or not.

[liannelara-dracula]

Headcannons of S&M&T and Kino using Instagram? What do you think they would post and how would they use it?

Omg you are genius! This is an amazing ask.

I can’t believe I didn’t think of this.

Link to prompt---> HERE

Please join my diabolik lovers group chat! Link---> HERE

Read Laito Sakamaki Fanfic [Dark Theme]---> Here

————————

Shu:

He’s not on too much.

His username is just: shu.sakamaki

He follows his brothers and Yuma to annoy him.

His posts are probably just like landscapes.

Usually of a sunset.

And about his music and classical music he likes.

He also probably posts about the triplets doing something stupid on his story.

While they’re not watching.

He’ll tag them in the story saying, “remember this?”

Even adds special effects just to spice it up.

He has so many followers bc all the girls at his school follow him.

He gets so many dms but leaves them on read.😂😂

He tags his bros to annoy them.

Doesn’t post about his gf very much.

Usually when she’s not looking.

Reiji:

Username: scienceiskey or perfectioniskey

He follows his brothers of course and might even follow Ruki.

He sometimes unfollows his brothers tho if there getting annoying😂😂

But will eventually refollow them.

He posts about his experiments and science in general.

But it’s very aesthetic.

On his story he’ll post pictures of things that are broken in the house and he’ll literally tag all his brothers and ask “who is responsible?” Or “you did it and I know.”😂😂

He’ll also post things about nature on his story.

He never posts selfies.

On his bio he literally tagged shu and said please don’t follow this good for nothing.😂😂

He posts with a schedule.😂

He doesn’t post about his gf at all.

This is cause he doesn’t want to share you with the world.

Laito:

Personal account username is: Laito.is.gay sexy😂😂

He has two accounts: one is a porn one and the other is his personal.

He doesn’t keep them private.

Because he believes in being open.

He follows his brothers and has Ayato on his bio.

On his personal he posts pictures of himself.

Fangirls follow him. So he live streams a lot.

And talks about his day and what annoys him and whose getting on his nerves.

He blows kisses into the camera.

Tells them his plans and has a slogan, “being a hoe never hurt anyone.”😂

He follows the fangirls back.

Answers the dms.

All of them.

On his porn account he says he’s a major in sexology.

If there is an occupation option he types in sexologist.😂😂

If Reiji finds his porn account he’ll block it permanently.😂

With his gf he posts pictures of them on his personal account. And will feature them on his porn account if she’s ok with it.

Kanato:

Username is: teddyisnotbasic or dollsarebetterthanu or better yet, on_wednesdays_we_wear_purple. Even, only.bitches.wear.purple

He is an idol on there.

Every girl loves him.

He sets the Lolita trend.

Posts about doll stuff and it’s super aesthetic.

Everything is very cute.

He uses a lot filters to make the posts all have the same glow.

He also posts about sweets and about teddy too.

He does post about his gf when she wears Lolita clothes with him.

Ayato:

Omg 😱 do not get me started😂😂

His username is: Ayato_Sama_Sakamaki

Which idk if you’ll noticed but his username’s initials spell ass.😂😂

Includes special people in his bio, for example

look @ dee dude: @/laito.is.sexy

Bae: @/y/n’s username

This dude is the meme king and the vine king.

He reposts his favorite vines or memes too.

He makes his own with Laito all the effin’ time!

Which are beyond popular.

Sometimes he features Kino or Subaru in the film and shit just gets wilder.

Literally posts the dumbest shit on his story.

He’ll make live videos about the challenges he does too.

He even has friends from school join his vids.

He has so many followers and he tags his brothers to make them laugh.

Shu usually finds it funny, especially if it’s about dissing Reiji.

And Reiji being the petty ass he is, will just block him for little bit.😂😂

But then he’ll follow him again.

Has a lot of followers like no shit.

He follows a lot of them back too.

Includes his gf in the vines.

Subaru:

Username: im_not_a_damn_car 😂😂😂

He doesn’t follow anyone except for his brothers and his gf.

His account is private so every time Kou sends in a follow request he rejects it.😂😂😂

Doesn’t post anything really.

When he does it’s only for a little bit and then he archives it.

Bc he thinks it’s weird.

Or that the photo turns ugly.

He follows a lot of emo accounts tho.

And emo bands

His bio is emo too.

“how can emptiness be so heavy?”

Will take selfies but ones that don’t show his face very much.

Only uses black emoji hearts.

Doesn’t post about his gf cause that’s private but he has her on his bio.

“Claimed, touch her and you die”

Kino:

Username: ask_yo_girl_about_me

Another vine king

Him an Ayato follow each other.

They r bros—fight me on this but I’m right.

They are always in each other’s videos.

Tags Ayato in a lot of posts

Has lots of followers

Does so many live streams and answers random questions.

Posts late at night, a lot.

He has a lot of reels too.

Uses a lot slang.

Cocky af😏

Has rants sometimes.

He has his gf in his bio and sometimes posts about her.

Mukami

Ruki:

Username: Ruki_grey

He’s not online too much.

Follows his brothers and surprisingly Reiji.

Posts about literature like his favorite book/quotes

But it’s always aesthetic.

He has some pictures of himself but not too many.

He usually has more pictures of his girlfriend tbh.

He is very poetic and on his story he posts about quotes he likes or pictures of his gf.

He has a lot followers and has probably been scouted for modeling.

Yuma:

Username: hotgirlbummer or summerbummer

He posts about the music he likes and gardening.

It’s really about plants and how to grow them.

Has a lot tutorials.

And facts.

Never mind the profanity and his clumsiness in his tutorials.

“Oh shit!” He’d say dropping a shovel.

“Ruki man didn’t set this up right.” He’d complain referring to the space he was using to do the tutorial.

Pots pictures of flowers that have bloomed and veggies that are ready.

He has another account that’s personal where he follows his brothers and posts about rap music.

Or just music he likes.

There are not too many photos.

He posts pictures of his gf on his personal.

He also takes videos of her to annoy her and see her get camera shy.

“Turn it off!” You’d say cover the camera with your hand.

But he of course just doesn’t.

Kou:

Username: koumukami

It’s an official account.

Cause he’s an idol

He has millions of people following him.

He only follows his brothers.

Tries to follow Subaru but it never works😂😂

Calls out people who judge him.

“Hey! I don’t appreciate comments like this on my page.”

He’s slogan is, “I just can’t worry about no haters, I gotta stay on my grind.”

Tags Yuma and teases him about stuff if possible.

He posts about his music.

Has live videos where he talks about anything or where he sings.

Loves to take pictures of himself and he does a lot.

like everyday.

Includes his gf in videos and photos and talks about her non stop.

making fans jelly.

Is very sassy and will post rants if needed.

Responds to his fans’ dms.

Azusa:

Username: softclouds

Has a soft profile.

Things about nature and cute things.

Posts about his gf more than himself.

Or about them together.

Doesn’t have a lot of posts

He gets tagged by his brothers which he follows.

On his story he posts pictures of you or where he’s traveled to.

The filters are soft ones.

He probably has a bio that’s short but simple.

“Hi.....I’m Azusa Mukami.”

Tsukinami

Carla:

Username: imcarlatsukinami or scarftsuki.

He posts about land scapes and literature.

Just really aesthetic.

He has pictures of him and his gf.

Has you in his bio.

Is rarely on.

Follows Shin.

Has a private account.

Doesn’t reply to comments unless it’s from his gf.

Shin:

Username: badassesonly or y/n’s.daddy

He posts so much about his girlfriend and him.

Always about where they go.

He has pics of him and his brother too.

He follows Carla, Kino and Ayato.

He doesn’t make vines but sometimes Kino will ask him to join his.

He posts about food and working out.

On his story he posts about you secretly.

Mostly about your body.

You get mad at him for it.

Tells people to follow you.

Doesn’t live stream.

He’s on a lot.

Loves to use filters on his brother and on his gf.

He posts about animals to.

His account is not private and he has a lot of followers.

[futurequeenofravka]

Good Enough - Sirius x Reader

Summary:

After a spat with a Slytherin girl in your year, you’ve start to doubt your relationship with Sirius Black. While you are wildly in love with him, you start to question why he chose you, a “mudblood.”

Warnings: None, I don’t think? Just a little angsty!

A/N: this is my first piece! it’s a lil test of a fic I’d like to write eventually, and it was prompted by mmfd so I decided to tweak the dialogue from the show a little to make it wizarding world esque hahah. But I hope you enjoy! thank you so much for reading, this is the first time I’ve ever shared my creative writing online so please let me know what you think (also please send requests)! Also sorry if the formatting looks a lil weird, posting this from my phone made it kinda wonky.

Word count: 2.2k-ish words.

—

Pst. Psssst.

Sirius’s whisper grew louder until I looked over my shoulder to where he and James were sitting a few desks back from Lily and I. He tried to silently mouth a question as Professor Binns droned on about last night’s reading. James and Lily quietly laughed as they watched Sirius try to repeat himself a number of times before ultimately giving up. I shot him an apologetic look for my lip reading skills, or I guess lack thereof, as I watched him rip up a piece of parchment and scribble down a message. He waited for a spare moment in which Binns had his back turned to the class to write something on the chalkboard and then tossed the crumpled up piece of paper at me.

“What’s it say?” Lily asked as I unfolded the piece of parchment that Sirius had thrown my way.

“Blimey is he fucking annoying.” I said letting out a small laugh as I read the note.

“Well?” She leaned in closer trying to read the note from over my shoulder.

I slid the parchment across our shared desk so that she could read the message as well. Hi. I just wanted to say you look beautiful today. Meet me at the Astronomy Tower at 7? Lily sarcastically groaned as she slid the note back over to me and we pretended to go back to our class work. I turned back around to see Sirius intently waiting for my answer, I rolled my eyes at the silly gesture but smiled as I gave him a small nod to confirm our meeting later.

“You two are so sickly sweet sometimes, honestly I think I might have a toothache.” She said loud enough to provoke a laugh from James who eyed her from a few desks over.

“Beats the headache I get from watching you and Potter dodge your feelings for each other.” I retorted, quietly laughing as I tried to refocus my attention back to my textbook.

After class had ended I said bye to Lily as I made my way to the library to study for my potions exam. Sirius had already promised James that he’d come watch the Gryffindors practice for the upcoming Quidditch match so I’d have to study alone today, which I didn’t particularly mind because usually with Sirius around I hardly got any studying done. He pressed a kiss on my temple before we parted ways. When I got to the library I took a seat in the corner as usual and began to sprawl my textbooks across the table.

In the midst of studying I heard giggles from a herd of girls a few tables over. Looking over I met eyes with Ianthe, a Slytherin also in sixth year, who was sitting alongside Sirius’s cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa. Though I had never spoken more than a few words to either of them, I knew I was not favored in the Black household. If anything, they probably hated me; although Sirius would never burden me with that confirmation, I knew how his family felt about me and “my kind.”

Being muggle born was still a rarity at Hogwarts, and one that pureblood families often had strong feelings against. Lily and I became fast friends because of this. Being two of the only Muggle born students at Hogwarts made fitting in quite hard sometimes. There were often things that we didn’t understand or we lost on. We relied on Marlene, Alice, and Dorcas a lot for explanations and now as of recently on the “Marauders,” as they called themselves, as well. But it was comforting to have Lily around, to have someone who understood experiences unique to us. Someone who understood what it felt like to miss basic muggle things while away at school, like televisions or even just pens.

I rolled my eyes at the giggling girls and went back to reading the next chapter in my textbook. Several minutes passed before my studying was interrupted again, this time I looked up to see the three slender girls approaching my table, a wicked grin plastered across each of their faces as they surrounded my table.

“Can I help you?” I breathed looking up from my book.

“Yes actually. Would you mind backing off of Sirius?” Ianthe mused as she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

“Excuse me?” I asked, Bellatrix laughed at my response, a cackle echoing across the room.

“I thought dating you would just be his latest phase but it’s been almost 6 months. I expected that he’d come crawling back to me by now but you seem to be standing in my way.” Ianthe ran her fingers over my notes and shuffled my things around as she spoke.

“In your way of what? Stealing my boyfriend?”

“Precisely.” Narcissa chimed in from behind the blonde haired girl.

“Honestly, Y/N. It’s kind of pathetic how you constantly follow Sirius around like a puppy dog. One day I’m sure he’ll bore of having a little pet mudblood and finally come back to his senses.” Bellatrix said, her tone was cold and cruel as she knocked over a few of my things and proceeded with a sarcastic oops.

“I mean our families have been practically planning our wedding since before we were even born.” Ianthe said trying to refocus my attention back on her.

“Shove off, the lot of you.” I said trying to ignore anymore of their remarks.

“Feisty today aren’t we, Y/N. I would’ve never expected such boldness from a filthy little mud blood.” Bellatrix said cackling again.

“Just leave me alone please.” My voice strained this time.

“You really do ruin all the fun, don’t you, Y/L/N? But before we go, I just have to ask, dear. Does our darling Padfoot still like to have his neck kissed? You know, just above that mole.” Ianthe tapped her finger to the side of her neck.

“You’re all sick.”

“Maybe but at least we don’t have dirty blood.”

My heart beat fast as I picked up my belongings from off the ground, desperately trying to get out of the library as quickly as possible. I ran through the corridors back toward Gryffindor tower, tears welling up in my eyes and slowly beginning to fall despite my best efforts to hold them back. I ran past the other students and back to my dormitory praying that it would actually be empty for once. It was not. Lily was sat on her bed reading a book when she looked up to see me tears running down my face while I tried to keep a cool demeanor. Her face cloaked in worry as she asked if I was okay, her words triggered a visceral reaction as I finally let myself break down in tears. She came over to me and brought me back to her bed and hugged me for a moment, stroking my back waiting until I was ready to speak.

After my sobs and sniffles had mostly come to a stop I recounted the entirety of what had happened in the library. Sharing the words exchanged between me and the three Slytherin girls and the doubt that now seeped into my mind. Lily fumed, her anger rising as she listened to me talk about what had happened.

“Y/N, you don’t actually believe that do you?” She asked, her face still cloaked with worry.

“I mean why shouldn’t I? She’s right, I’ve seen the way people look at us.”

“What does it matter what they think?”

“It’s not what they think, it’s the fact that they’re right. You know exactly how Sirius’ family is, I’m probably just another conquest to him. Girls like Ianthe were bred to marry boys like him, to protect their bloodlines. They’ve basically been betrothed since birth, Lily!”

“Sirius is his own person. He is not his family. You should know better than anyone that that boy lives to break rules. And I seriously doubt it but if he doesn’t appreciate how absolutely brilliant you are just because you were muggle born then he’s not worth your time.”

I knew Lily was right, it was rare that she wasn’t. But my mind still wandered to a dark place that echoed with Ianthe’s comments. She stayed with me for another hour or so before she got ready to go over to the Great Hall for dinner. I didn’t realize how long we had been sitting in the dorm. I looked over at the clock surprised to see it was almost 7. I promised Sirius I’d meet him in the astronomy tower soon. Surely I couldn’t face him after what had just happened but my heart hurt thinking about standing him up.

“You going to be alright?” Lily asked before heading out the door.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll see you later.” I reassured her.

“Alright, if you need anything just give a shout.”

I sighed as she closed the door and headed off. I looked down at my mascara stained sleeves and quickly changed into a clean shirt and wiped away the smeared makeup from beneath my eyes. Regardless of how I felt, I had to face Sirius.

I walked through the empty halls over to the Astronomy tower. Springtime at Hogwarts had an underrated charm to it. The weather was ideal, chill but not too cold. Tonight was no different, the air tonight was crisp, the wind blew gently through my hair as I made my way up the winding staircase. When I made it to the very top I saw Sirius gazing across the school grounds. His face looking intently over the beautifully crafted buildings and through the lush forests around us. I stayed silent for a minute just to admire him. The handsome playboy that I always thought I loathed but whom had somehow not only stolen my heart but had also become my best friend.

When he finally sensed my presence he turned around, my heart fluttered just looking at the kind, dopey smile wiped across his face as he held out his hand for me. When I grabbed it, he pulled me in close. My face buried into his chest as he held me for a minute. I looked behind him to see a blanket laid across the ground a small picnic set up for us.

“Remus helped me bribe the house elves into sneaking me some food so we could have dinner up here.” He excitedly motioned over to the set up.

“It looks lovely, Sirius.” I spoke softly as if my words could be broken with just a tap.

“What’s wrong? Oh Merlin, you hate it, don’t you?” He asked worriedly.

“No it’s not that, it really is lovely. I just, I just don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why you’re doing this for me. You’re a pureblood and I’m...I’m a mudblood.” I took a step away from him, letting go on my grasp on his hand.

“What does that have to do with anything? You know I’ve never cared about any of that.”

“You should be going out with someone like Ianthe, not someone like me. Most people when they see us must be thinking, ‘oh he must be mad going out with that.’”

“That what” he said before raising his voice to echo the question, “that what?”

“You know exactly what, Sirius. Everyone does.”

“What the fuck are you on about? What does everyone have to do with how I feel about you? You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t fancy. That’s mine and mine alone. Now are you going to stop being a git or what?”

“Stop calling me a git, you’re the git.” I said trying to shove him away but his hands grasped my wrists before I could make my move.

Before I could say another word he crashed his lips into mine. His hands now releasing his grip on my wrists and instead caressing my face. Sirius had kissed me many times before but never with such urgency, like his life depended on it. Like if he didn’t kiss me in this exact moment that he’d never get to again. My hands now pressed up against his chest pulling him in closer to me as I savored the taste of him until we were breathless.

“You’re the git.” I whispered as we pressed our foreheads together, he let out a small laugh at my comment before he spoke again.

“Those twats, they aren’t my family. You are.” His thumb caressing my cheek softly.

“Sirius, I just—“

“You are my family.” He said firmly cutting me off before I could finish my sentence.

“Okay, you say that now but I just hate the idea that you’re choosing me over them. I don’t want you to wake up one day and regret your choice and start to resent me forever. I mean they’re your family, Sirius.” I rambled as doubt still riddled my brain.

“Y/N, listen to me, I will always choose you. I choose you today, tomorrow, and I’ll choose you forever for the rest of our lives. You are the only thing in this entire world I care about.”

“Can I quote you on that?”

“Yes, just maybe not to James, Remus, and Peter. I think they might burst into tears.” He let out loud laugh as he responded to my question.

“I won’t lie, I’d like to see that.”

“I bet you would. Now can we please eat dinner, I paid off the house elves 10 galleons each just so that they would make your favorite!”



[hello-there]

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[carewyncromwell]

“A waltz when she walks in the room, She pulls back the hair from her face. She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight... Even her shadow has grace. A waltz for the girl out of reach, She lifts her hands up to the sky. She moves with the music; The song is her lover; The melody's making her cry... So she dances, in and out of the crowd, like a glance... This romance is from afar, calling me silently...”

~“So She Dances,” by Josh Groban

x~x~x~x

And to cap off my set of Valentine’s Day posts where I feature my MC’s and someone they care about...last but not least is my HPHL kelpie kid Ru! In the above picture, they’re pictured with Galen Stagg, who belongs to @cursebreakerfarrier, but this picture, this post, and this basic AF pencil test animation are actually about Ru’s relationship with their “keeper” and ttly-not-girlfriend Estrid Soelberg @that-ravenpuff-witch! (I wanted to overlay the two images, but the online sources I tried using to do so weren’t cooperating, so...eh. Here they are separately. XD)

When the kelpie who’d taken on the identity of the Ravenclaw student Rudolph Ollivander first encountered Estrid Soelberg, they did not like her. How could they, when it was because of her that they now wore a silver chain around their neck that she could use like a “leash” and keep them from transforming back into their true form and eating anything or anyone she disapproved of? Naturally Estrid didn’t care for Ru much either -- and really, considering that they nearly ate a first year, that also was pretty understandable. Over time, though, Estrid’s stance softened somewhat, upon realizing that there was an oddly sympathetic side to the carnivorous kelpie.

For one, Ru absolutely loved being at Hogwarts. It wasn’t obvious at first, given how laid-back and aloof they were, but their electric blue eyes were always bright and aware, never missing out on a single detail. Ru would spend hours and hours every day in the Hogwarts library, devouring every book they could. They would explore every corner of the castle grounds and memorize every shred of knowledge that came under their nose. They collected knick knacks and jewelry from Hogsmeade, even going so far as to pierce their ears in their third year, to the horror of all of the adults, both inside and outside of school. And this didn’t even touch on Ru’s great passion for history, magical creatures, Herbology, art, and especially photography. Their still Muggle photographs were always crystal clear and striking, from a view of the Black Lake taken from the Owlery to close-ups on the details of the winged boar statues near the front gates. Ru’s Muggle-style photography came alive in a way that magical photography -- which was still in its infancy and quite low in quality -- couldn’t capture. On the Christmas break of their third year, Ru also discovered and became very enamored with Muggle animation, which made crude drawings come to life -- Estrid, despite her best efforts, couldn’t bite back her laughter upon finding out that Ru had requested the permission of one of the snobbier girls in their year to use her as a model for an animation, only for the finished product to end up being of the girl picking her nose with her pinky finger.

As Estrid got to know Ru better, she decided to try showing them more compassion. For as inhuman as Ru was, and how eccentric, cold, and rude as they could be, their enrollment at Hogwarts truly didn’t seem to be motivated by anything malevolent -- it had truly just been the only way they saw for them to attend this school they’d been watching from afar and longed to see up close. And Estrid treating Ru with more respect and kindness, little by little, wore down Ru’s walls enough that they didn’t dislike her quite so much either. She not only was insightful enough to suss out that they didn’t like eating around other people and showed them the Hogwarts kitchens so that they’d have a place where they could eat in peace, but she didn’t see the need to fill the silence with worthless conversation the way so many of their classmates did. She could sometimes just let a moment be, let the emotions and time just rest for a while. With that, though, Estrid was actually a rather interesting person too, in her own way. She had her fair share of admirers for her appearance (which Ru acknowledged was decent enough, by human sensibilities), but she seemed actively disinterested and uncomfortable about it, instead being the type who was unafraid of being on her own. And yet despite this, Estrid truly wasn’t a loner like Ru was -- she had a gentle hand with creatures of all kinds, an artistic eye, and a soft smile that she rarely showed to much of anyone, but was always sincere. Most striking of all to Ru, though, was the way she moved when she danced. The way her limbs bent and stretched with such grace fascinated Ru. They wished they could slow down time sometimes, just to analyze every tiny little flick of her fingers or flourish of her ankle. Knowing that they couldn’t take enough pictures to capture the grace of her movements, and not yet having a camera that could take moving pictures, Ru settled on trying to animate Estrid. Most of the animations were very crude in the beginning, consisting of nothing but stick figures, but little by little, Ru studied the proportions of the human body (very different than that of a kelpie!) and tried to refine their technique. And before long, all of their animations ended up being modeled on Estrid some way or another -- the vast majority of them being her dancing ballet.

Another person who’d be in the room sometimes when Estrid was dancing was their yearmate Galen Stagg, who often practiced the piano while Estrid was dancing. Ru found the Gryffindor inoffensive for the most part -- like Ru and Estrid, he had a talent for Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures (Ru could sense that Galen in particular had a magical gift for communicating with creatures, even more than Ru themselves did, considering they were actually a kelpie), so sometimes the three of them would end up in the library studying at the same table before a test. Galen was a bit of pansy to Ru’s taste, given his dislike for conflict or confrontation, but he like Estrid was soft-spoken enough that he never gave Ru any real headaches.

One day while Estrid was dancing and Ru sat off on the sidelines (sitting with their legs crumpled up in such a manner that one could wonder if they’d ever learned how to cross their legs properly), Galen took a break from playing to come over and sit down next to the messily-dressed Ravenclaw on the floor. Although he himself really enjoyed drawing too, he’d always felt like Ru tolerated him more than liked him and so had been hesitant to ask Ru if he could see any of their artwork. This day, though, he finally mustered up the courage to ask.

“...May...may I see what you’re working on?”

Ru lowered the page they’d lifted to fine-tune and shot a look out the side of their eye at him.

“...It’s not finished,” they said bluntly.

“That’s all right!” said Galen self-consciously. “That is...I don’t mind, if it’s still sketchy.”

Ru considered him for a moment silently. Just when Galen opened his mouth, ready to say that Ru didn’t have to if they didn’t want to, the kelpie held their sketchbook out in one hand for Galen to take.

With a surprised, but relieved blink, Galen took it and looked at the top page. It was still only a cluster of loosely connected circles and ovals, but Galen could just barely make out what it was.

“It’s Estrid,” he realized, his jade-colored eyes lighting up. “Isn’t it?”

Ru nodded curtly, their gaze drifting off to watch Estrid at the barre.

“That’s just the last frame,” they said in a very low, nonchalant voice.

“Frame?”

“Of animation. Pick up the next eight pages and flip them one by one.”

Galen did so -- and to his delight, he watched as the little cluster of ovals and circles unfolded its arms and spread them in a graceful arc that flourished at the wrists.

“Wow, Ru,” said Galen, impressed, “it looks just like Estrid! I mean, the movement looks just like hers. You really captured the grace of her arms.”

Ru’s electric blue eyes swiveled absently in Galen’s direction, but they didn’t turn around or meet his eyes. Instead their gaze returned to Estrid as they brought up a hand and smoothed some of their long black hair behind their ear.

“...You reckon?” they asked, their quiet voice oddly contemplative.

Galen looked at Ru, surprised. Were they...blushing?

Feeling a wave of compassion for the Ravenclaw all of a sudden, Galen offered them a smile.

“...Yeah. It’s really nice, Ru. I’m sure it’ll be smashing when it’s done.”

Ru’s eyes stayed on Estrid, narrowing slightly.

“The way she moves...” they said lowly, “I’ve never seen anyone else move like that. Even other dancers. It...seems like something that shouldn’t just disappear into the void, when the moment is over...like everything does, sooner or later. I’ve tried to photograph her before, but it doesn’t capture the movement. Even when I take a lot of still pictures one right after another, or when I actively try to get shots that blur, it doesn’t work. And magical photographs...hmph! They’re an absolute joke. They deteriorate so easily, and their quality is atrocious.”

Galen smiled sympathetically. “Well, wizards really have only had them for a short while...I reckon they might need a little time to catch up, right?”

Ru scoffed loudly through their nose and mouth, sounding rather like an offended horse. “It’s pathetic.”

They rested their hands behind them on the floor, leaning back slightly.

“So...the only way I could try to capture the way she moves -- to make it last, past that moment, was to draw it. It’s not exactly easy to get her hands right, though,” they added sourly under their breath.

“Hands are every artist’s Achilles’s heel, I think,” said Galen with a quiet laugh.

His green eyes softened. “...You really care about Estrid a lot, don’t you?”

Ru’s face flushed a bit more darkly as they whirled on him with a glare.

“Don’t read too much into it, Stagg. I find her movements interesting. That’s all.”

Despite Ru’s denials, however, Galen thought to himself that Estrid was pretty lucky, to have someone in her life who’d put in so much effort to try to memorialize her in a lasting way. He wondered if Ru even realized just how sweet and selfless of an instinct that really was.

[rubyvroom]

I posted 1,823 times in 2021

193 posts created (11%)

1630 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.4 posts.

I added 200 tags in 2021

#music posts - 43 posts

#horror - 39 posts

#halloween - 23 posts

#queueueueueue - 19 posts

#on the queue again - 15 posts

#queueueueue - 14 posts

#work week queue - 14 posts

#oh my god - 12 posts

#anxiety queue - 12 posts

#comics - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#it makes you appreciate that mark hamill is a real voice actor who can do so much with his voice and not just a celebrity who does animation

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

A full accounting of truly public facilities is elusive, says Soifer, but government-funded options are exceedingly rare in the U.S., compared to Europe and Asia; privately owned restrooms in cafes and fast-food outlets are the most common alternatives. According to a “Public Toilet Index” released in August 2021 by the U.K. bathroom supply company QS Supplies and the online toilet-finding tool PeePlace, the U.S. has only eight toilets per 100,000 people overall — tied with Botswana. (Iceland leads their ranking, with 56 per 100,000 residents.)

The presence or absence of restrooms in public spaces has long been an indication of a particular group’s place in society, says Laura Norén, a postdoctoral associate at New York University and co-editor of Toilet: The Public Restroom and the Politics of Sharing. From women to people of color to those with disabilities, vulnerable communities have struggled to have this most fundamental of needs accommodated. Most recently, transgender individuals have found themselves targeted in bathroom-backlash debates.

“It's basically the same script that just plays over and over and over again — and these social tensions often meet in the bathroom,” Norén says. “Who gets access to the bathroom really could be summarized as who should have access to public space and public discourse. Somehow, that crystallizes around the bathroom, because people’s fears are the highest in the bathroom.”

So how did Americans end up with so few places to go? Understanding this requires a look back at the societal and sanitary conditions behind public restrooms in American cities — and the moral panics that propelled both their creation and downfall.

Read the full article for the history of public toilets in the US -- including how women, people of color, and disabled people have always struggled to get access to public restrooms and as a result to public spaces in general, leading to the current scenario where we have an insufficient number of public restrooms in general, the pandemic closing a huge percentage of those, and the recent epidemic of “bathroom bills” to regulate the few that do exist. 

61 notes • Posted 2021-11-12 14:58:53 GMT

#4

It has.

Not sure to what degree this is “Human brains being unable to comprehend the scale of tragedy past a certain point” and what degree it’s “Engine of Capitalism must be continuously fed or it will die and media is owned by oligarchs” but surely both are operating here.

87 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 17:06:49 GMT

#3

I need to warn y’all that the Woody Allen documentary on HBO is very Not Safe For Life - I don’t even have triggers and I couldn’t sleep last night after watching it. Super upsetting and gross. It needs to exist to get everything on the record but if you have any triggers for child sexual abuse, grooming, and predatory behavior don’t watch this. 

Also and of course I would like to bugs bunny meme wish Woody Allen a very die

115 notes • Posted 2021-03-11 14:48:20 GMT

#2

Free horror films on Youtube: 2021 edition

Around five years ago I made a list of free horror movies you could watch on Youtube. Unfortunately none of the links work anymore and it’s much harder to get full-length films on Youtube these days.

But not impossible! Here is a brand new version with links that work as of 9/21/21 for all your Halloween marathon needs. Some of these are very old movies in public domain, others are just up on Youtube and nobody cares enough to take them down. A few are on Youtube Movies and are free with ads embedded (*). Enjoy!

The Old-School Classics

Nosferatu (original 1922 version)

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

Faust

The Mummy

Bride of Frankenstein

Phantom of the Opera

Night of the Living Dead

The Innocents

The Brain That Wouldn’t Die

The Blob

70s-80s-90s

The Omen

Black Christmas

Halloween

The Stepford Wives

The Stepfather

Ginger Snaps

Brahm Stoker’s Dracula

Dog Soldiers

Frailty

Horror Around the World

Diabolique

Black Sunday

M

Nosferatu the Vampyre (Werner Herzog 1979 version)

Hour of the Wolf

Black Sabbath

Suspiria

Vampyr

Haxan : Witchcraft Through the Ages 

Rated V for Vincent Price

The House on Haunted Hill

The Last Man on Earth 

The Pit and the Pendulum 

The Masque of the Red Death

Stephen King made for TV corner:

Sometimes They Come Back

The Stand 

The Tommyknockers

The Langoliers

Storm of the Century

Hammer Films British Horror

The Vampire Lovers

Twins of Evil

Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter

The Evil of Frankenstein

More Older Horror Films That are A little Lesser Known but I Love Them

A Bucket of Blood

Dementia 13

Carnival of Souls

The Lodger 

Lemora: a Child’s Tale of the Supernatural

Some Recent Indie Horror Films You Really Should Really Try

Darling

Coherence

Oculus

Lake Mungo

Triangle

YouTube Films Currently Free with Ads that More or Less Fit the Bill

Trollhunters (*)

Gremlins (*)

The Silence of the Lambs (*)

Addams Family Values (*)

9557 notes • Posted 2021-09-26 07:25:21 GMT

#1

What’s so awful and hope-eroding about the pandemic at this point is how consistently the value of life is cheapened before our eyes. The number of deaths go up. We are appalled and scared. The number of deaths go down, we talk about the economy. Hospital wards are full to bursting. The number of deaths go up. That number isn’t as scary as it was. We can get through that. The number goes down. It’s not zero. It’s hundreds and thousands, but it’s less than before and there are profits to be made. The number goes up. We’ve seen worse. The numbers go by. We don’t blink an eye anymore. They’re just numbers. The profits go up and the deaths go up and it’s business as usual. People are dying. People are always dying. It doesn’t make your stomach drop anymore. The number goes down. The economy goes down. Add another covid booster shot, make the numbers go the right way. My neighbor gets evicted because he can’t work anymore due to Covid side effects. Make him a number. People live out of their cars. But they didn’t die, don’t count them. Restaurants are open. Shops are open. People are dying. It’s not scary anymore. 526 Covid deaths yesterday. That’s not so bad. This is normal. It’s all numbers. 4.5 million dead around the world. How many is that? Is that a lot? I don’t know anymore. I feel sick.

34657 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 15:11:24 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[clairecrive]

“More” - Tommy Conlon x reader

Send me a character and a number and I’ll write something based on the song that comes on shuffle. Soo, this wasn’t supposed to be a full imagine and that’s also why it took me so long to post it. I have other requests and this was supposed to be something short and fun but it turned out to be long and fluffy and I’m not even mad about it. I know I’ve been kinda absent this week so I’ll try and double update today and post tomorrow as well.

Please be patient with me, I’m trying my best, I just need to find a new balance between this blog, online lessons and my life basically.

Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye​ @mollybegger-blog​ @br0ck-eddie​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @fandom--0verdose​ @innerpaperexpertcloud​ @evelynshelby​ (let me know if you wanna be added)

Song: "More" by 5sos

"And all the things that we dream about

They don't mean what they did before

I just wanna get back to us

'Cause we used to have more"

Tommy Conlon was sitting in front of you looking like a shell of himself but at the same time just like the guy you remembered. He had always been bulky and fit thanks to his strict regime both in the gym and in the kitchen. Being in prison for a while surely contributed to it seeing as there wasn't much you could do in the confinement of a cell or much you could eat for the unsavory food they gave him. If it was possible, his muscles were even bigger than the last time you had seen him and for a moment you wondered if he had his clothes especially made. However, knowing Tommy you immediately dismissed the thought.

If his appearance had only slightly changed, the thing that struck you the most was the look in his eyes. Ever the silent and reserved guy, Tommy had never been one of many words but he was always able to convey any message or emotion through his eyes. Because of his troubled past, his eyes were always troubled and unfocused on the matter at hand, too busy worrying about his family situation. Now, the look behind his eyes was steadier and more focused. You had the feeling that when he looked at you he didn't see the ghost of his mother or whatever was troubling him but he was finally seeing you. It didn't matter that you were just catching up talking about everything and anything, you could tell that he was taking in every word you were saying. He was here with you in this moment and that made you even happier than seeing him after such a long time. Because that meant that he had somehow tamed the demons of his past and was finally living his life a little lighter.

You and Tommy went way back. You were aware of his past, both with his family and the marines. You had always been by his side, trying to lighten his days and to share the baggage he had with him since childhood but to no avail. You understood that it was something deeply personal that he had to deal with himself and on his own terms but it didn't hurt any less the realization that what you did wasn't enough and that he had to leave. Your 12 years old self didn't understand that and took it too personally that she had to when it had nothing to do with you.

This wasn't the first time you had seen Tommy after your shared childhood and early teen years. Somehow, you were both at the same time and place once and the universe did the trick. It had been ten years since the last time you saw him and right then and there you didn't recognize him. He was a totally different person than from the young boy you knew. You, however, hadn't changed that much and Tommy immediately connected your face to one of the few people of his old life, he didn't despise. Since that day, you had pretty much been inseparable. Of course, you both had your schedules and routines by then but you both worked to get them to fit with one another and soon you were basically living together.

While you were studying during the day Tommy would spend his mornings at the gym. Afternoons were rarely spent together, you would be working and Tommy too. Evenings were your shared time. Without fail, you would meet and spend time together, be it sharing a meal or doing other activities. It was as if those ten years had never passed and you soon found that balance that had made your bond special. However, Tommy had his burden and no matter what you did, you couldn't help him. There were things that we have to deal with alone and Tommy wasn't there yet at that time. He was angry, at everything and everyone, and while that was great for it fuel him for his matches, it didn't help him deal with his everyday life in a peaceful way. There was nothing peaceful about him in those days. It wasn't as if he got you stuck with or he treated you badly. It's just that he fell into unhealthy and toxic routines and habits that of course, took their toll on you too. You had never really talked about your relationship, you didn't really label it but you cared about it. Hell, you even admitted to your self and him that you loved him. You did. But unfortunately for both of you, love wasn't enough to get him out of that dark circle.

So you left him. Even though it didn't happen in the best of circumstances and you certainly didn't keep in touch afterwards, you always associated Tommy with your happiest memories and you were certain that he didn't resent you for your decision either. As you couldn't blame him for what happened to him that screwed him over, he also couldn't fault you for deciding to call him out on his bullshit and take a step back when it all became too much to bear.

Then Sparta happened and your heart broke as well as Tommy's shoulder during the finale and even more so when you learned about what was going to happen to him after the competition was over. You tried to stay updated while he was on trial but after he was sentenced you kinda got lost in your everyday life. The thought of visiting him had once passed your mind, but why would you? I mean yes, you still loved him and cared about him but you hadn't spoken nor seen him in forever so how were you going to just pop up one day in prison? Who told you that he even wanted to see you?

No one did and so you didn't. Tommy had never really left your heart nor your mind but it was easy to push it back and focus on your career, immersing yourself in work had always proved to be successful in making you so tired that by the time you got home you didn't know how to do 2+2.

You could swear that not even a year had gone by after Tommy had been sentenced to prison but when he reached to you, one day out of the blue, you soon was met to the harsh reality that almost two years had gone by, marking almost four years since you broke up.

That was a lot of time and a lot of things had changed, but you'd be fooling nobody if you said that your eyes didn't sparkle as they used to, when they saw the familiar silhouette waiting for you at the bar you'd picked.

"It's so nice seeing you out and about, Tommy. You seem like you're doing fine." In those two years, Tommy had managed to deal not only with prison but also got himself into therapy when he got out. He had started a couple of months back and it really was showing. His gloomy appearance was a thing of the past and now there was only room for funny and carefree Tommy. Well, that was not to say that he put it all behind him but he certainly had it under control now and you couldn't help but admire him with pride and affection.

"I've put it off long enough. It's time." He modestly confessed with a little smile that you couldn't help but mirror. Neither of you added anything, just stared at one another. So much had happened between you that it seemed pointless now to indulge in trivial chit chat. While you took a sip of your lukewarm tea, he cleared his throat and reached for you the hand that wasn't holding the cup.

"I've been meaning to call you for a while actually, but I... couldn't find the courage." He timidly started.

"Is that so?" You curiously ask, tightening your hold on his hand.

"I thought that I was the last person you'd want to see after what happened. I was surprised actually that you said yes to this meeting."

"Oh Tommy," you said taking his other hand in yours too, " you know that I've never blamed for what happened. Maybe we were simply not meant to be." Grudgingly you admitted while forcing the sour tone away from your words.

"You know that I've never believed in that fate shit and now I'm ever more convinced that it's indeed a load of bullshit?" he asked shuffling on his chair, " Because I'm in a point in my life where I finally have it under control, you know? So I guess you could say that I have everything that I've ever wished for, right?" He waited just a moment to let his words sink in, "And you couldn't be more wrong. All I want is just to get back to us." He delivered the last blow as he slowly met your confused gaze.

God knows how many nights you had dreamed about this very moment. But you were confused. Was he really saying that he also harbored the same feelings you had for him after all this time? Wasn't it all doomed from the start? You had tried before and it didn't work out. Would you be willing to put yourself through the possibility of a heartbreak?

"I can see the wheels spinning behind your eyes. I know you too well, Y/N." He stopped your thoughts' route, "Don't do this, 'right?"

"Just tell me something: do you still feel something for me?"

"Of course I do, Tommy. But-"

"No, not buts y/n, please," he interrupted you mid-sentence, "I know that you have reservations, and rightly so. But please, trust me when I say that I'm not the one that I used to be. Things are going to be different, I swear to you." His promise paired with his earnest glaze was a lethal mix, one you couldn't resist.

Taking another look at him, you realized that he was right. He was going to therapy and he seemed to be doing alright already, you thought. There were two obvious possible endings for this: it could all to pieces again and at least you could always say that you'd tried or, if everything went well, you could be the happiest you've ever been. This last possibility was so appealing that it exceeded the other by a long way. You had your job cut out for you, really.

"Let's get out of here."

[justjeonday]

Solace | kim namjoon

Solace; comfort or consolation in a time of great distress or sadness.

- pairing: kim namjoon x reader

- genre: angst, fluff

- word count: 4,400

- warnings: reader fears what the future holds, very brief mentions of anxiety, includes descriptions of feelings/behaviour that might be associated with mild depression (the reader is only stuck in a rut in this fic and it’s nowhere near as critical as depression, but I still wanna be safe and warn about this in case it might be triggering for someone!)

- rating: PG

- notes: I’m excited to finally post on here again! I’ve had this idea for a while, but I haven’t had the time to work on it until now. I think I like how it turned out??  I’m not sure yet lol. I’ve been working on a few fics over the past few weeks, but I keep getting stuck and this is the only thing I’ve managed to finish since I last posted. Since I have a little more free time, due to the quarantine, I’ll hopefully be able to post some more soon! But for now, I hope you’ll enjoy reading this - thank you for all your support! <33 (this is still not completely edited btw so I apologize for any mistakes you might find)

- inspired by: this vlive.

- song: Solace by mell-ø & Ambulo

You stare blankly at the screen in front of you, eyes heavy and mind dull as the seconds count down for the next episode to start playing. This is all you’ve done since waking up, binge-watching some random kdrama you found online. It’s not great, and you’re not focused - but you figure it’s enough to keep you occupied for at least a few more hours. Enough to push most of your gloomy thoughts to the back of your mind.

You feel exhausted, the past four days mostly consisting of work and very few hours of sleep - plus added pressure and stress of having to keep up with studying during it all. Your arms ache from serving and cleaning up tables until late after midnight. After finishing up and closing the place, you’d go straight home to sleep - not having the energy to care for yourself. Then you’d wake up at noon, and have some breakfast before yet again making your way to work. Many people this time of year, during spring break, take vacations with their families so your boss needed you to put in more effort than usual to keep it all running smoothly. You’re grateful for the opportunity to make some extra money, but at this point it feels like you’re doing too much and your body isn’t willing to keep up anymore.

You feel overwhelmed - lost. Are your efforts even worth it when they’re not going towards something you want in the future? Thoughts like these have been weighing you down ever since you woke up, and you had decided it’d be best for you to call in sick and just be sad today. You had moved from the bed to your sofa, and here you’ve been laying ever since then. All the blinds in your apartment are down, no hint of sunlight peeking through - no trace of hope seeping in, no light capable of bringing color to your sombre day. 

You sigh as another episode starts playing, mind brought to the small recap that’s starts playing across the display. You try your best to pay attention to it in hopes of you actually starting to like it so that watching it won’t be so boring. You pull your covers up to your chin, basking in the scent of your boyfriend’s cologne stuck to his shirt you’re snuggled up in. It brings you comfort, soothes you and calms you - it makes you feel secure where you are.

You breathe it in, the longing feeling to hold your boyfriend intensifying as you do.

A sudden chime makes you jump slightly, eyes landing on the door as you sit up  - heart beating quickly in response to the unforeseen ringing disturbing the calm atmosphere in your apartment. You dread leaving the comfort you’re sofa is bringing you, but you feel impolite leaving whoever it is waiting. So you get up and mope over to the door, your body feeling heavier than usual, as if a force is pulling you to the ground.

With lethargy still clinging to you, you don’t bother looking through the peephole before unlocking and pulling the door open - wanting to get it over with and get back to hiding under your covers. Your eyes squint slightly at the sudden light leaking in from the hallway, but you instantly recognize the tall figure stood in front of you.

“Joon?” You gasp quietly, heart skipping a beat in surprise. 

His lips stretch into a smile, arms reaching out and inviting you into his embrace. Immediately you walk towards him, wrapping your own arms around his neck as his end up around your waist to pull you against him. You smile, face laying in the crook of his neck.

“Hi, baby,” He mumbles, a smile evident in his voice as he presses kisses against the exposed skin on your shoulder that’s peeking out through the collar of Namjoon’s oversized shirt you’re clad in.

“I missed you so much,” You say against his skin, voice strained from not uttering a word all day. You enjoy the presence of your boyfriend for a few more seconds before pulling away to look at him, “I thought you’d be gone until next week?” You utter, confused.

“Plans got cancelled,” He whispers, leaning forward to plant a kiss onto your nose - causing you to scrunch it as he does.

You smile in content as you look at him, eyes scanning over his face before unavoidably landing on the pink of his lips. You reach up and press your own lips against the corner of his mouth, before you change target and kiss him - your eyes fluttering close as you cherish the feeling of them against yours again. He kisses you back and you taste the rose lip balm coating his lips, the one he always has with him in his pocket. It makes you smile into the kiss and pull away, suddenly turning shy as you feel blood rush to your cheeks. You hide by his neck again, lips brushing over the mole just under his jaw.

You feel his chest vibrate against yours lightly as he chuckles at you, arms squeezing tighter around your waist. Your fingers start playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He’s been growing it out for a few months now and the mullet is now very apparent - even more so than when he left. He dyed his hair a beautiful lilac shade not too long ago, and you love the way it looks on him. Nothing beats his natural dark brown hair, but somehow he manages to make every hair color look just as good and at this point you just can’t decide which one’s your favorite. He’s making it very difficult for you.

You walk backwards, making Namjoon follow you as you’re still secure in his arms. Once back in the darkness of your apartment you kick the door shut. You give your boyfriend a peck on the cheek before you pull away from him, letting him get comfortable and take off his shoes as you return to your sofa.

Namjoon, now that he’s able to focus on his surroundings, takes instant notice to the darkness that suffocates your apartment - and the messy sofa. If anyone knows you well, it’s him. After knowing each other for almost two years, he can read you like an open book without problem. One of the many things he’s come to learn is how much you hate wasting the light of day, and especially so during this time of year. You love spring, it’s your favorite time of the year and you always long for it whenever it isn’t current. He also knows that, if you’re not up and getting ready by 9 AM, you’ll most likely beat yourself up for it. However, on rare occasions, you’ll let yourself lay under the covers for another hour or so - but that's only if he’s there, laying next to you

Cuddling is something you simply can’t say no to.

Automatically, taking all these things into consideration, Namjoon starts to worry.

He kicks his sneakers off as his gaze follows you, watching as you fall down on the couch of which looks like it has been occupied all day. Your figure disappears under the cover, and he makes his way over to you. “Is everything alright?” He asks, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

You register his question but you don’t answer it, instead you reach your arms out and gesture for him to join you on the couch. His features soften and he manages to squeeze down next to you, despite the small space left to be occupied. Your leg comes out from under the covers to lay over his hip, holding him close to prevent him from falling to the floor.

You let your eyes shamelessly admire his face even though he’s aware, your fingers once again coming up to brush through his hair - strands of lavender running softly in between them as you do.

He lets his own gaze roam across your features, searching for any sign of anxiety or sorrow. “Hey,” he says, bringing your attention back to his previously asked question.

“Everything’s fine now that you’re here, don’t worry Joon,” you mumble, your focus still on his hair.

Namjoon doesn’t fall for your excuse. Grabbing your wrist softly, he removes your hand out of his hair and lays it over his chest, making you look at him. “Please talk to me.”

You sigh, avoiding his gaze as you attempt to sugarcoat what’s really going on. “Work’s just been really tough, it’s not that serious.”

You always feel bad complaining about work, or sharing the weight of your problems with Namjoon. You know how tough his job is compared to yours, and his schedule is never really empty. You know he loves what he does more than everything, but you’ve seen how hard it can get as well. So compared to your job, you realize the hours you put in are minimal next to the amount of time he dedicates to his job. Complaining just doesn’t feel right.

“You really underestimate me,” He sighs, eyebrows raised at you. “I can tell it’s not just work, it’s almost five in the afternoon and you’re still laying on the couch with my shirt on - you only do that when you’re feeling really low.”

You give up, accepting the fact he can see right through you no matter how hard you resist to let it show. “My head just feels kind of crowded,” you start. “I feel like there’s so many thoughts in my head, and I can’t organize or figure any of them out. I feel lost, I have no idea what the future holds and that’s fine - but I don’t even have a vision of what I want it to hold. I’m just not sure I’m walking down the right path.”

With Namjoon being back next to you, you certainly feel better - but still, it doesn’t remove any of your worries. You wait for a response, but a few seconds go by and there's still just silence. You look up to meet your boyfriend’s gaze, his eyes showing empathy as he looks back at you.

Without a word, he slips out of your embrace before he gets up and walks over to your windows. Before you know it, he pulls one of your blinds up. The sun shines straight in your face, making you quickly seek cover under the pillow next to you. As you hide, you hear Namjoon proceed to pull every blind up, the room becoming even brighter as he does. After he’s done you hear his footsteps close in on you, and suddenly he rids you of your shield - leaving you exposed to the blinding rays of light that are now touching every possible surface in your living room. Your hands come up to cover your eyes, groaning. 

He gathers all your blankets and pillows you’ve taken from your bedroom before disappearing to put them back where they belong. Even with the low state you're in, you feel appreciation and adoration causing tickles in your belly. He always does this, always makes it his priority to bring you up when you're down. You find it endearing, how dedicated he gets - and lucky to say the least.

“What are you doing?” You ask out into the open, Namjoon still fixing your bed in the other room.

“I’m taking you somewhere,” says your boyfriend, walking into the room again.

You furrow your eyebrows, eyes finally adjusting to the light as you stretch - limbs splayed across the couch. “And where may that be, Mr. I’m On A Mission?” 

He snickers at the name, reaching his hand out for you to take. “You’ll find out once we get there.” He pulls you up from the sofa, making you stand before him. “Go put something warm on, the sun’s really nice but it’s still quite chilly,” he says.

Your heart flutters at his sweet gestures. Having been with Namjoon for such a long time, you’d expect the flutters to fade and his gestures losing impact along with them. But it’s all still there, just like when you first fell for him. Your heart still flutters at the dimples in which appear when he smiles, and at how his eyes turn into crescent moons as he laughs - how he shows affection but then becomes shy after. You’ve realized it’s those small things you usually wouldn’t think to pay attention to, but to you they all still cause butterflies to swarm in the pit of your stomach, and you swear you fall in love with him over and over again every time.

You still feel a force pulling you to the ground as you make your way to your closet, but not as intense as it was before Namjoon showed up at your doorstep. You’re still having to push thoughts back, still have to prevent them from getting the best of you. Knowing you have Namjoon with you, and knowing he’ll listen if you’ll talk about it, does bring you comfort. You’re well aware he isn’t capable of helping rid of these thoughts in your head, as he can’t assure you what the future holds or what path you should go down so it all works out - no one can. But still, you’re more than grateful because you’re certain he’ll be the one to at least make you feel better about things, and keep you from giving up.

You grab a lounge set from your drawer and slip onto it, the soft fabric fitting loosely over your body just like how you want it - only really seeking for comfort. Taking Namjoon’s words into consideration, you also make sure to grab a warm coat from your closet before heading back to the living room.

You find your boyfriend sitting on the edge of the couch with rays of light reaching him, a golden aura forming around his figure, making him look like a fallen angel from heaven. And thinking about it, you’re convinced he is one. Where would you be without him? 

You take a moment to enjoy the magical sight, your fingertips starting to tingle as you get an urge to skim them over his beautiful golden skin. Namjoon looks up, catching you as you eye him with a small smile on your lips.

He chuckles. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you mumble, walking up to him.

He stands up, arms capturing you in a hug once again. Your cheek ends up pressed against the soft fabric of his sweater, the scent of his favorite cologne stuck to it, making you breathe it in and relax against him.  

“You look cozy,” he comments, pulling away to look you up and down.

You mumble a quiet thank you, your hands finding his and intertwining your fingers.

“Ready?” He asks.

Your nod doesn’t come off too assuring, making him laugh as the both of you slip your shoes on. Namjoon grabs his coat and with that you make your way out of your apartment, your hands interlocking again as you do. You exit your apartment complex and brisk air surrounds you, causing you to shudder and walk closer to Namjoon as you search for any source of warmth. The two of you stop at the side of the curb as your eyes search for your cab that has yet to arrive, the sun now hitting you and warming you up slightly.

As you wait you turn to eye your boyfriend, love swelling in your chest.

“You look really handsome today,” You say through a smile, eyes meeting his.

You hadn’t seen him in this particular outfit before, but he pulls it off really well. He’s clad in a denim on denim outfit, with a jean coat that reaches all the way to his calves. You’re not surprised it looks amazing on him, everything does.

“Thank you,” he says, cheeks rubescent as his eyes scan over his own body before looking at you and squeezing your hand in his.

You lean into him, nose scrunching at his adorable shy behaviour. Getting the sudden urge to peck him, you get up on your toes and press your lips to the dimple that dents his cheek. He pulls you into his side, hand laying on your hip. As you pull away your attention turns to the black car pulling up in front of you. Namjoon steps forward and opens the door and beckons for you to get in before him, being the gentleman that he is. You climb into the car, moving over so your boyfriend can get in next to you. He sits down and closes the door before reaching into his pocket and grabbing his phone, leaning over to show the driver where he wants to go. Gazing over, you try to catch a glimpse of anything that might reveal what location you’re going to but you manage to get nothing.

“No peeking, baby,” He teases as he puts his phone back in his pocket.

You pout, giving him pleading eyes.

He laughs, his hand coming to lay just above your knee before squeezing lightly. “Be patient.”

You let out a chuckle at your own childish behaviour, laying your hands on top of his before turning to look out at the surroundings as they flash by in a blur. As the driver takes you through Seoul, you find your mind wandering again as thoughts start filling your head. To distract yourself you turn to your boyfriend and ask him about his recent work trip.

Before you know it, the car comes to a stop and with cheeks still aching from a joke Namjoon whispered to you just seconds ago you watch him get out of the car. He holds the door open for you, a grin still on his face as you get out - the adorable indents in his cheeks once again appearing. You always get an urge to kiss them, but if you’d act on it every time that’s all you’d do.

Once you’re out of the car, you glance at the scenery of which you’re very familiar with, and which you’ve come to love and appreciate since being with Namjoon. One thing you learned very early on about him is how much he loves and treasures nature. You didn’t really see the point before, especially since you live in such a big city you don’t really think of it that much. On your own, before meeting him, you’d never think to go to a park just to relax. But now you’ve really learned to appreciate it and the healing powers it holds, something Namjoon also taught you.

“You took me to Hangang Park?” You say, a tinge of excitement in your voice as your eyes take in the beautiful view of the setting sun reflecting in the river.

Namjoon looks at you lovingly as you view the location. Hangang park isn’t away from any civilization, there’s still skyscrapers in view and it’s crowded. It’s not what you consider a traditional park, there’s not grass everywhere you look or trees surrounding you. There are platforms in stone and bigger patches of grass scattered around evenly. Even though it might not be the most green park, something about it brings you more comfort than others do. You think it might be the combination of city and nature, since you’ve lived in Seoul your whole life you’re used to tall buildings and city lights - all that comes with it. And with what Namjoon has taught you about nature, and how you’ve become someone who appreciates that setting as well, you really feel at home when you’re at Hangang Park. 

You said this to your boyfriend when you came here with him for the first time, and that’s probably his reason for choosing this specific location. It makes you feel warm inside, happy he takes all these things and uses them to make you feel relaxed and calm when you need it.

Namjoon comes up behind you and lays a hand over the small of your back, the two of you starting to walk slowly closer to the river. The sunset induces beautiful hues of orange and pink to paint over the blue sky, making the world around you breathtakingly beautiful. You feel some of the weight slowly ease off of your shoulders, and you feel as if you’re finally able to inhale and exhale deeply with ease. The both of you walk over to one of the grass-patches by the river, sitting down on it with shoulders touching and fingers intertwined.

You sit like that in silence for a few minutes, and you sense Namjoon knows you need to just be for a while. You enjoy the feeling of him next to you, his presence as the both of you watch the sky and its reflection in the body of water before you. Surrounding you, there are groups of friends, couples, families, also enjoying the wonderful time of day. The atmosphere around you is happy and tranquil, in contrast to your dark apartment you’d locked yourself in earlier.

“It’s beautiful,” you mumble, laying your head on Namjoon’s shoulder as you watch the hues of the horizon fade into the light blue above you.

A few more minutes of comfortable silence pass by, before he brings his attention to you.

He brings your interlocked hands up to plant a kiss on your knuckles. “Let it out.”

You look up at him, your response lazy, “Hmm?”

“Whatever you’re holding in, whatever’s bothering you. It won’t do any good for you to keep it in.”

You exhale, resting your head against his shoulder again as your eyes return to the skyline. “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and every thought that has entered my mind I’ve been overthinking for no reason. I feel like I’ve gone down this path that I’m now stuck on and I can’t see any lanes or exits for me to lead me in another direction. There’s so many outcomes that could occur if, when the opportunity comes, I choose to walk another way - so many things that could go wrong.” You stop, fingers of your free hand coming to fiddle with the cool metal of his rings as you think of what to say next. “I feel like I’m putting in a lot of effort to do good at work and with studying, but it doesn’t feel worth it when I’m not sure the hard work I’m putting in is doing anything for my future.” You look down at your hands as you feel the familiar lump of anxiety form in the back of your throat.

“It’s normal to have thoughts, and to overthink them. I’ve been where you are right now, and I get you. It’s normal to worry about the future, everyone does - because it’s full of uncertainty and you can never really know what to expect or what it’ll turn into as time passes.” He pauses, and his words bring you comfort - knowing you’re not completely alone in feeling like this. “Someone told me once to think of my mind as a tree, and of my thoughts as branches. For these branches to grow, you’ll have to experience a lot of different things - hurtful things, things that’ll anger and confuse you along with happy and hopeful things. Your mind consists of so many of these branches, there’s happiness, pain, hope, desperation, devastation - everything.” He speaks, hand coming up from time to time in front of him to gesticulate.

You listen carefully to his words as your eyes follow pastel clouds that float across the sky. You’ve always loved how self-aware Namjoon is, you’ve come to think of it as one of his most beautiful traits - one that you really adore. He’s always stayed true to himself, no matter what. He recognizes his mistakes and faults so that he can better them and become someone who’s greater than the person he was the day before. You wish you can be that one day, as good of a person as he is. He always tries to be the best version of himself.

“You’ll need to prune and cut them to take care of the tree, to care for your mind and for it to keep growing beautifully. The hurt will be unavoidable, but you’ll have to make these choices so you can continue to grow and blossom. These thoughts and feelings you’re currently feeling, try to think of them as branches of your young days, as branches of a young tree. When you’ve experienced all of the hurt, the grief, the happiness, the love - you’ll be a beautiful tree, the most beautiful tree.” He says. “I know you’ll be,” He turns to search for your gaze, wanting you to see and notice the sincerity of his words.

Your eyes meet his, inside of which sunsets of their own exist as the sky reflects in them. You feel the force that’s been pulling you down fade, and you feel yourself tearing up as you look at the man in front of you, whom you cherish most out of anything. You realize how blessed you are to have met someone like him, someone with a precious soul like his own.

“Thank you,” you whisper, feeling yourself starting to tear up.

Slightly embarrassed, you look away but you feel Namjoon’s finger nudge lightly at the underside of your chin - making your eyes meet his again. “No need to thank me baby,” He says softly, wiping your a few tears that escaped with the pads of his thumbs “I just want you to be okay, that’s all that matters.”

The love you feel for him spreads like a wildfire through your body. “I love you so much,” you say, eyes still looking into his.

A smile grows on his lips as he looks at you. “Come here,” he mumbles, hand reaching to the backside of your thigh.

He pulls your leg over both of his, so that you end up straddling his thighs before his arms snake around your waist to pull you into him. You embrace him by putting your arms around his neck and pressing your cheek against his. With your body now filled with relief and comfort, you find yourself wishing you could stay like this forever - keep him this close forever.

“I love you too,” He whispers in your ear.

The future remains a mystery, something you’ll never be sure of.

But in this moment, what you’re completely certain of, is your everlasting love for the man in your arms.

He’s your everything.

He’s your start and your end.

He’s your Solace.

[bullet-prooflove]

Behind the Scenes of Fic Writing: Questions for Authors

As I believe in the importance of self reflection...

Tagging: @me-ladie​ @out-there-tmblr​ @ada-carisi​ @writefasttalkevenfaster​

1.      What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

The first fic I posted online was for CSI Miami but before that I was writing Sailor Moon fanfiction for my friends in high school.

 2.      Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them?

I don’t usually as I like to write to my own schedule however, I have applied for the Rupert Graves Birthday Event this year.

 3.      Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?

I write start to finish otherwise I would just write the scenes I love instead of working towards them and then I wouldn’t complete any fics at all!

4.      Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

If it is a long fic, I will take the time to plan it out because usually there’s a lot of moving pieces. I do this using Trello as it’s easy to colour code and move the pieces around. My stories usually take on a life of their own but will usually tend to stick to the plot.

5.      What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

Somewhere quiet, with no distractions. Ideally by the window overlooking outside. Our apartment backs on to a small wooded area, so it’s nice to be around nature.

6.      If you’re really concentrating, how many words can you write in a day?

I used to do Nanowrimo, I think the most I managed was 10k in a day but it broke me. I was in serious competition with a guy I met in university. When I look back it was actually really unhealthy and some of the stuff was unusable but it was educational when it came to discovering what works for me.

7.      Which part of writing do you struggle with most?

Sometimes it’s the actual getting the will to sit down and write. My job is very content heavy so it can be hard to carve out time to actually write and then have the will to do it because sometimes I feel my job can burn me out in that respect.

8.      Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

I have specific playlists for specific stories and pairings. For Mystrade the song Love, Love, Love by Of Monsters and Men really resonates with me.

9.      Do you prefer to write AUs, canon divergence, or canon-compliant fic?

I usually write canon compliant but I do like AUs and sometimes you need a bit of canon divergence.

10.  Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

All, I think they are all really powerful aspects of building up a scene or story.

11.  If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Probably smut, if I am honest. It’s both exciting and fun for the writer, reader and the chars.

12.  Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

Not than I can think of.

13.  Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

MPreg is the only one I can think of.

 14.  If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Mycroft and Greg, I imagine they would be great at helping to find your way off the island/surviving and Greg would keep your spirits up.

15.  A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

I would say Translucent, I would love to see how they use colour to showcase Rafael and his emotional state.

16.  What is your most underrated fic?

Any of my Stodds fics, I just love the two of them so much but it is such a rare pairing.

17.  What fic are you most proud of?

My Strikeback series because it was really hard to get into the mind of the characters. It took me ages to work out I wasn’t working with the right character but when I did it was very free flowing. It taught me to spot that problem earlier and it has been a really great skill moving forward.

18.  What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

I was really proud of recently publishing ‘The Fall’ a Mystrade fic. It is such a small fic but it encompassed everything that I love about the Mystrade relationship. I wanted to show Mycroft’s surrender but I wanted to look at it from an emotional standpoint instead of a logical one. I imagined he would fight it all the way but in the end the surrender itself was a blissful relief. It was a battle he was happy to lose and defeated his sense of logic.

19.  Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

From POV it is Mike Stonebridge from Strikeback, getting into his head was near impossible for me, however I doubt you will ever catch me writing Sherlock’s POV in anything because he is such an enigma.

20.  What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

Adam Ross from CSI NY was a joy to write, he was such an empathetic character and when I developed his back story a bit more, I felt like he really came into his own.

21.  What is the one fic that got away?

A Stodds Soulmate AU I still have the plot for. Maybe I will get around to writing it one day. That and a Starisi Coffeeshop AU. I think I had far too many ideas for it, I just could not settle down to write it properly.

22.  Have you cried while writing a fic?

The closest I have come is reading a Mystrade series – Human Remains/Constantinople Falls. There are moments in both fics where both men are depressed or are wounded very deeply on an emotional level and it really spoke to me as someone who has suffered with PTSD and depression.

23.  If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

I am honestly not sure. I would like to maybe write one from the villain’s POV. I believe that everyone is the hero of their own story and it would be interesting to showcase the hero as the villain.

24.  Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I have currently been developing a Mystrade fic based on Lestrade solving a case with a personal link to Mycroft’s past. I won’t say much more as I want it to be a surprise when reader’s read it.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 09

random stuff, some facts about me, some sims questions, video requests, hair sneak peaks, umm and other stuff too…. also I am 10 candies from being able to evolve that dumb fish so wig

Anonymous said: Do you have a car?

Nope!

Anonymous said: Hi wcif the shirts in your coming soon in June update ps I love your cc x

hey! for any WCIFs for that stuff, I am probably going to wait until the posts for the hairs are up because I know that people won’t check when the hairs are posted for my old wcifs.

@angelamariacalle​ said: you could make a WIP the eyes that you use in your post with ice cream?     

i have no idea what you were trying to say ;-; the eyes I used are my default ones which you can download here

@ayoshi-sims​ said: Once you get this SHARE 6 facts about yourself and send it to your 10 favorite blogs ✨

I still play pokemon go (fight me)

I think that pop music was the best in 2007-2011 (One of the Boys, The Fame/The Fame Monster, Circus/Blackout, Animal/Cannibal, The best damn thing)

I am a super middle child! (two older siblings, and two younger ones as well)

I keep all my kpop albums on my dresser, with my Red Velvet one hanging in a red/white flower crown I own :)

My favorite food to snack on is either a tuna kit, or pickles

I am a bottom XD

Anonymous said: When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! Then, send to the last ten people in your notifications anonymously. You never know who might benefit from spreading positivity!

aaaaah okay um

my kpop girlies i stan

my angel rocky (my old af pug)

my friends (irl and online <3)

the concept of love is always something that makes me happy omg i know that is cheesy but like… imagine finding someone that is perfect for you will always be there when you need and like just GOD I NEED A MAN NOW

charli xcx music umm yeah it’s 5 in the morning

Anonymous said: Hello, I was wondering if you have your sims on the gallery? Thanks for your time. :)       

Yeah! I have a few sims for download on my origin which is SPOTHARRIS I also have them for download on this page

Anonymous said: Hello!! Just wondering wicf the freckles from the discontinued model in your older posts (e.g. momo buns) thank you!!! BTW I love your stuff soo much! :)

Hey! I no longer have that file or even know where I got them from :( Here is an OLD af wcif I answered of them though

Anonymous said: Where are you from?

I am from Virginia, which is on the east coast of the United States :)

Anonymous said: Hi!! I feel like this is such a silly question but oh well I’m a noob. If I use your Quartz eyes V2 will they be inherited in the next generation if my sims have kids? Same with your hair colors as well?

I honestly have no idea how any of that stuff works :( I’m sorry! I assume it should but also maybe not? ;-; again, sorry!

Anonymous said: omg the hair with the flowers in it! *-* i love!! will you also make a version without the flowers? I also wanted to say I’m really happy your life is going well and congrats on the 30k followers

thank you so much!! and I the hair will obvi have no flowers :P the flowers should be accessories if everything works out. There are some clipping issues rn but I think it is fixable :) here is a pic without the flowers. If you guys have any recommendations about then pls send them my way

Anonymous said: Would you ever consider doing really long curly hair like the singer Sza’s?

I personally don’t like super long hair in TS4, it just doesn’t look well with most clothes and has clipping/weight issues :( I’m sorry!!

Anonymous said: Do you know what happened to SimpleSimmer?

I don’t, no. But I am sure she is fine :) sometimes people just take breaks

Anonymous said: Hi! So, i really love your sim with the dark brown hair (for your hair cc) and i was wondering if you could ever share that sim! Because she has a beautiful face. Also i am wondering which skin overlay (etc) you are using! You can find me in the gallery under the name: xThisGirl (if that is an easier way for you to respond :)

Hey! You can find her download here, along with all my other sims :) I am glad you like her <3

Anonymous said: Hey! I know you probably won’t read this as fast but I wanted to ask, how do you shift the hairline to the side or any of that? Like your daisy hair, briana hair, and that one wip you had in a tutorial video of yours! I really want to do that but I just don’t know how :(

I will maybe record something for this! No promises bc I have to get someone to edit the videos for me and I don’t wanna bug him but I will see if he can edit it for me if I film it :) It is pretty simple to do once you get the hang of it

@sims4storiesandstuff​ said: I just wanted to say, your hairs are the shit! Absolutely stunning. I rarely use the EA hairs anymore! I think you deserve every follower you have.            

Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate stuff like this <3 I don’t play the game myself much so it makes me happy knowing that my hairs make other peoples games so much more enjoyable uwu

Anonymous said: hello can you make please a video when you make a hair and upload it?

I would like to! I just do so many random things while doing a hair like showing pictures to friends and getting their advice. So I will have to see, would you guys mind if the video had conversation stuff in it? As I said earlier, someone edits the videos for me so I don’t wanna get him to do more work for it by editing them out :( I will look into it for sure though!

Anonymous said: That hair wip in your lil video tutorial is absolutely beautiful!! Can’t wait until it’s released !! 🧡🧡

thank you so much!! Here are some more pics of it:

Anonymous said: are you korean? If not, how can you like kpop if you dont understand it?

I am not korean haha, but music is about more than understanding. It is about the feelings it vibes you get from it and the moods it puts you in. People love screamo music even though it is hard to understand, and music like instrumentals and dubstep heavy are just… what the music makes you feel. I listen to ‘normal’ pop, kpop, instrumentals, artists like grimes that mumble their songs a lot with production heavy stuff. I think that as long as the music is something you enjoy, you shouldn’t be judged for liking it. I know you aren’t trying to be rude with this ask so don’t think I am attacking you please! I am just trying to give you some insight into why different music interests people :)

Anonymous said: I’m so happy to see that you’ve made a patreon account! you really make amazing CC and that’s such a gift to the community, I’m happy that now I get to feel like I can give something to you haha :) have a great day/evening!

thank you so much! and thank you for supporting <3

@lesyatim​ said: Hello,  it’s not ask. I only want to say that you make very beautiful hair and  THANK YOU! I Love You💕💕💕💕💕 P.S. I’m from Russia and I don’t now English very well♡)

thank you so much!! Спасибо большое (that is suppose to say thank you in german lmao)

Anonymous said: When did u make a skin?

it is a hidden gem :P It is mainly to fix the collarbones bc I use multiple skin overlays so I that is why is was never posted :)

Anonymous said: Congratulations i hope you have a happy family 😄

ummm?? I GOT IT I GOT I GOT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT

@dangerouskindofmind said: I actually don’t have a question! I just wanna say you are one of my favorite sims 4 creators out here. Your hairs; snatched. Your clothes; beautiful. Your sims; amazing. And your personality looks just as good lol. I’ve probably downloaded like 99.9% of your content and I just wanna say thank you for all you do to make my sims 4 experience loads better. I also hope you’re having a great day

thank you so much!!!! I appreciate it a ton, I love that my content makes people love this game more <3

Anonymous said: Just wanted to say that literally all of your CC is beautiful and from what I’ve seen, I absolutely adore your personality. Keep it up my dear, you’ve got crazy talent. Much love <3

thank you, thank you!!! My personality irl is kind of shitty lmao I am really shy and like reserved ;-; and it is just memorizing how to do some editing to hair meshes, not much talent involved <3 thank you so so much again though!! I love getting these kind of messages

Anonymous said: Are you gonna make an outerwear cc pack when the seasons expansion pack releases?

I don’t make much clothing CC so I highly doubt it. I am working on a swimsuit that I might post later this month though! We will see what happens though :D

Anonymous said: thank you very much for a playlist that you shared with One Shot,Two Shot,I’m totally in love ur the best

yesss BoA is such a queen, listen to the full mini album if you can! It is one of her best releases in my opinion.

Anonymous said: aharris00britney awnsered me,cuz I remember my question and it’s on the asks recent post AND i’ll shake this print in all my enemies face thx,I asked about the patreon and I’m doing it right now bby <3            

hehe thank you!! <3 you show them enemies

– just so the eating ass juicy booty ask so yep that is all I have gotten in the past month that I can answer :P