#I put it in my queue a bunch duh

[manonamora-if]

arent u jelly of other authors doing better than you? like more popular and stuff? dont you resent them when ur better stuff dont get as much attention as their stuff?

TLDR: A bit sometimes, and hell no.

🤔

Well... yeah I sometimes get a bit of a pinch when I see some posts get a bunch of attention minutes after it was made public while my own rarely get that much period, or getting dozens of ratings at release when I might get one or two. Who wouldn't? We all want some amount of spotlight for our hard work, we all want to be praised for our accomplishments, we all want to see people tell us how much they enjoyed our stuff. We want to feel seen... And social media sometimes make it hard not to compare ourselves with others. The obvious numbers say it all plainly. It's right there. Getting away from the numbers or the posts appearing on your feed, every reminder than you're not as much as other people... it stings sometimes. Is that human to feel that way?

Do I wish my games would be shared a bit more or get more traction than they currently do? Sure. Even if my mindset when creating stuff lately has been more about me learning a certain program, or a way to code, or give a bit back, or just wanting to so silly word crimes... I can't deny I selfishly, egotistically, still want to show up on everyone's feed, or be mentioned in conversation, or get showered with high ratings. I'm proud of my stuff, and I want people to see what I see in them. Get that dopamine hit.

I know I've steered away in recent months from the more traditional expectations of this community, doing shorter projects with little to no romance, or in formats that is unusual, or just not work on the project that actually pulls the numbers. So that probably affected things. And I've changed the ways I've interacted with the community at large too. I'm not as present here as I used to. I barely share other contents here than before (it's usually sent to the Interact-if queue, which has more peeps than here), even though I made a big deal about it in the past (something something, I'm a hypocrite). I've kinda moved my focus as a player towards shorter content, and jam/comp entries. Hell, I've been putting more effort in organising jams and reviewing games than working on mines. It's not like I should be shocked...

But resenting other authors because they get more attention than me? Fuck that. They don't pick and choose who follow them, who interact with their content, who actively engage with their projects - no one can control what followers/players do. And I'd be rude not to consider they just put more into their projects than I do, whether it's engaging with their following at large in general, or creating special content or rewards for them, or putting more resources than I do (like artwork commission). Or simply they might just be more talented then I am in the eyes of the audience. Or people just don't care that much about what I do. So why should I put the onus on them? It's not their fault I'm doing less well than they are. Honestly, props to them for doing so well.

Yeah... lots of words to say: duh, who wouldn't be jelly and wtf, why should I

[temporarymoods]

mwah

scatch what i said on that last post. idk her. im CHILLINGGGGG!!!

MarMon today: yes I celebrated. you gotta. duh. Patriot's Day-- a Mass thing!? Hilarious.

We went to the race and yelled and screamed and cheered on at various points. Walked a bunch. Got sunburnt in that shallow way, but my nose is pink. It was pretty emotional! So proud of everyone. Kept thinking that this is kind of one of the best things humanity can do. Anyway-- B)

Got sambas, lmfao?! Trying to look like a boy. Followed by some really good pasta. and then trying to look like a girl. i went to a frat! for the first time! i got champagne on my sambas. christened. the person who clocked me as queer at the party said "christened" after i had minutes prior. yeah. a good thing

- - i know the gender thing of it is ridiculous but for some reason my soft complicated body craves that sexual weirdness between men and women and particularly these young men and women in that..disgusting atmosphere. a disgusting atmosphere. really hungry for that generalization.. it's true. im really attracted to men

other than that^ being tough,

i went DANCINGGG!!!!!1!1!11!!11!!

and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!111!1

What a GREAT night!!! i can't put into words how amazing i feel even though that is why i came here...shucks. has the moment past? did i spend too much time on the queue?

My foot is sore as I type this. I came home so inspired and read up on country swing vs other kinds (I knew jazz swing was the thing, and swing dancin aint line dancin !) then i listened to a lot of good music:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ * total classic for me lmao. damn they have the best spotify top 5

Let's Get Married - Bill Elliot Swing Orchestra * when i didn't yet understand that i had to look up **country** swing music. now i know ;) god i cant wait to go again

-- what is it?! i think its that i really love to dance, to move my body, to try and get it right, to improve? to be good? to have fun in a choreographed way. to conform. the do the correct thing. idk

here's what i think its really about: i think i like smootheness. and i like the click of a phenomenon you can't pull a word for. and short counts. and intention. and shape. mostly shape. beat, sure, too. i like beat. i like rising to it, and not tiring. i dont know how i get so obsessed. i need to go back. that was exactly what ive been looking for for months, and what i thought i found but only got in part in the club, which i go to for the dancing, the loud music, the blindingness. but i dont contribute there. my ears are filled but the sound can only vibrate me a little. im not, swung, literally. and i cant provide energy to the space like you can witcha boots awn. so yeah, i think thats really it. dancing. i fucking love dancing. ive always fucking loved dancing. for real! really! i never got that good, yeah. but i fucking loved it thats for sure. i always wanted someone to actually teach me shit. they didnt do that enough in theatre. maybe they did. maybe i just wasnt that talented. not now though. dead. fucking. ass. just input my entire work calendar that i have access to because this shits getting real my life is mine and theres fan fucking tastic things to be doing with it.

alright...i could continue...i'll pick up the rest in my dairy ;* not gonna get too personal, phew. uhm. eh hem.

That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Tequila - Dan + Shay

End of Beginning - Djo * lmao i got on this because i saw some interview w him online as im jamminggugghh i got sucked in. then all this happened:

Change - Djo * so much better than the one blowin up btw

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics, etc * i looked up more songs like Change :| hahaha. then all this happened:

Lifetime - Yves Tumor

Pop Song - Perfume Genius

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics, etc

Here Comes Your Man - Pixies

Eye in the Wall - Perfume Genius

Boys - Amen Dunes * at this point my original mission is fucked. the intention's gone. i'm so far from where i started: country lovin

at the same time the joint i rolled before we went out and shared on the way home is getting its way through my system for sure. its approaching 2am, woah! full day tomorrow but not nearly as inspired at this one. this one's literally how you're supposed to live . well maybe beer not getting stolen at the bar mmmm. mhm. yeah i'll tack that on as well.

i didnt, dont, want to let go of tonight skrrreorgihveouhv!!!! uuuummm! yeah i should keep thinking about it. : ) : ) hehehehehe

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! - Shania Twain

<3 , so much ;)

Kate

[sothischickshe]

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

💎 why is writing important to you?

For the Fic Writer ask thingy please and thanks love!

Hey sweetie, thank you! 👋👋😘😘😘😘😘😊🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

So I think I actually answered both of these but ofc I can't link to a post in my queue bc this app is stoopid so lemme try to answer more fully 🤔😅⏳

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

The one I'm (sorta😓) working on atm def springs to mind! It was supposed to be sillier and smuttier and shorter but it's shifted angstier and longer. I think it's bc the show intrigued but also frustrated me, and espec in the later seasons really didn't feel to be giving due weight to the emotionality of the characters it was putting in these situations, so that was something I really wanted to address and honour. But...that can be taxing! And hmm, dredgey? 😅

💎 why is writing important to you?

This is such a hard question! Even if I'd never written or wanted to write anything even vaguely ~creative, writing would still surely be important to me. Writing (especially if you take a fairly broad definition, which I would) is responsible for stories which entertain and inspire me, for jokes which divert me, for educational materials which taught me, for all kinds of bs which angered and motivated me in opposition. And it's a communicative tool like duh -- this here is me writing to you HI!! the fact that I can make lunch plans or w/e with a bunch of ppl all together without needing to track them down in person or on the phone is v important to me!!???

But from the other side, well it's all v through gritted teeth atm bc im struggling ha but it remains true: creating IS fun! Improving IS incredible! & I think writing/words are probs my clay of choice, or at least the medium which comes easiest and/or makes the most sense to me??

Real questions

[callron]

why don't you delete the account instead of coming on here just to reblog the same post to let us know your not active over and over

henlo I got an email that said I was in someone’s follow forever so I logged back in to see n saw this anyways,,,,,,,,,,,,

I don’t delete because I have things I’ve made in this account that I don’t want to lose and I reblog the post so ppl don’t follow or keep following a dead account lmao

[emmettsleftnut]

Emmet and Jasper in: Food Shopping for Bella

Jasper: Ok Emmett, we're here, we have a goal, did you ask Bella what she needed?

Emmett: Was I... supposed to?

Jasper: Emmett, that was your one s i n g l e job, asking the human what she needed to eat

---

Emmett: Ok so... like meat, right? I used to eat that shit a ton as a human. They dont sell deer, thats stupid, guess we'll go with chicken.

Jasper: Em, she doesnt need 8 packs of chicken.

Emmett: Bro have you seen chickens, theyre so small, I could put an entire chicken in my mouth. Y'know what, I've seen a chicken near home. When we get home im showing you that I can put an entire chicken in my mouth-

Jasper: Emmett please god stop, I don't doubt you can fit a chicken in your mouth, people are staring.

---

Jasper: Ok, Edward said Bella likes salad. Do you know anything about salad.

Emmett: Do I LOOK like I have ever eaten a salad Jaz.

Jasper: Yeah fair honestly I dont even know why I asked.

---

Emmett: Ok, we have a bunch of leaves, we have... vegetables of some description. What else did Eddie say she liked?

Jasper: Something about mushrooms, like a pasta, he said they had it in a resteraunt in Port Angeles. Lets go to the pasta section then.

Emmett: I am not entirely positive what a pasta is but when I find out, hooooo boy.

---

Jasper: Ok so I'm not seeing any mushroom flavoured pasta, Em what do we do thats like... the only thing I can think of that it could be.

Emmett: *looking at a box with a triumphant look* Well, queue the hoooo boy because Jaz, I have found what we have been searching for.

Jasper: Wait, you did? What is it?

Emmett: *holding up box for Jasper to see* It says right here "mushroom shaped pasta" thats like, the same thing right?

Jasper: You are an absolute genuis.

---

Emmett: OK, chicken?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Mushroom shapes?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Leaves?

Jasper: Check.

Emmett: Thats all I can think of, humans just need water and sun then they'll get big and strong, right?

Jasper: Em, thats a plant, youre thinking of photosynthesis. Humans need food and sleep and warmth and happiness and stuff.

Emmett: Ok, I vote that I just improvise a bit and see what happens. Whats the biggest potential issue?

Jasper: Fair honestly, go wild I'll meet you at the register.

---

---

BONUS:

Emmett: Cullens, we have been hunting and we have RETURNED

Jasper: We did great, obviously

Alice, to Edward: Spoiler Alert; they didn't do great

Emmett: Hush Alice, let me show our bounty. Mortal, come to us.

Bella: *wearily walking over* uh.. sure

Alice, mouthing to Bella: Be nice, they did their best.

Jasper: Firstly, we have, drumroll please... chicken.

Bella: Mmm

Jasper: And chicken

Bella: Oh

Jasper: And chicken

Bella: ..

Jasper: And chicken, and some more chicken, and finally, a bit more chicken.

Bella: Ok, awesome, thanks.

Emmett: Please Bella, save your praise for when we're finished.

Bella: Y'know what, sure Emmett, please show me what else you have there, I would personally love to see it.

Emmet: Of course you would. Next up we have... salad!

Bella: Em, that just lea-

Emmett: Bella please, I know youre insanely greatful but as I said, save the praise for once we're finished. I will only accept drumrolling at appropriate intervals. Jasper, next item please.

Jasper: We have mushroom pasta

Edward: Oh, thats actually a good one. Wait, Jasper, what is this?

Jasper: Its mushroom pasta..? Duh

Edward: Did you hear me talking about the thing from Port Angeles?

Jasper: Mhm, we thought we'd suprise her with her favourite.

Edward: Jasper, it's called mushroom ravioli, and she's only ever eaten it once, and I'm like 90% sure it was sub-par at best. Also, this is just mushroom SHAPED, it doesnt have any mushroom in it what-so-ever. I don't even thi-

Alice, smacking edward over the head: Jasper its great, lets just move on to the next thing.

Emmett: Ok, speedround, you ready?

Bella: Absolutely not

Emmett: Cool, 1. Frozen corn 2. thin potatoes in a very large bag 3. An entire bag of B+ blood, no you may not ask where I found it 4. Tiny edible pillow things. 5. Finally... Tampons, idk it felt like a good idea.

Bella: Honestly thank you

Emmett: Also I need to show you something with a chicken I found, wanna see

Bella: Absolutely

[cowboyshit]

twenty questions

tagged by: @dustofinsanity (thank you so much my dear!!!!!!)

what do you prefer to be called name-wise? honestly I’ll probably answer to most things as long as they aren’t mean. but ash, ashley, doe, those seem to be the solid three I’m known by around here when is your birthday? november 30th!  where do you live? in a tiny, backwoods cow-town smack dab in the middle of california three things you are doing right now? filling this questionnaire out, eating dinner I just finished cooking, and petting sadie with my foot since she’s curled up at my feet after she finished her dinner four fandoms that have peaked your interest. I guess I can go with four I’ve been heavily involved with, even though there’s plenty more than that since I’m a little fangirl at heart, but wrestling (obviously), black sails, the night shift, and pirates of the caribbean how has the pandemic been treating you? uh, I mean, it hasn’t been great and I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad shit as all of us have, and probably some of my worst mental health battles I’ve had to face in about a year or so, but honestly? I just kind of count my blessings these days. lucky to still be employed, even if my pay got a little cut it was nothing that keeps me from paying my bills. all I had to do was take away a few luxury things to make ends meet, and that’s a lot, LOT less than other people have had to do. so yeah, it’s been pretty shitty, this year has been bad news after bad news both personally and globally, but whatever. it could be worse. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? it is no-joke like a four-way tie. a bunch of good songs were in my discover weekly and I’ve been playing four of them on non-stop repeat one after the other. oh! and one my best friend showed to me. this baby don’t cry by k. flay, rock bottom by grandson, ok ok by hoko, and insurgents by the poolside by denny recommend a movie. i’ve jumped into holiday mood early af because tbh I need the holiday cheer, so keeping in that theme, I suggest the holiday with jude law because DUH how old are you? thirty! school, university, occupation, other? had some college, been working in my current career for the past ten years. hoping to pursue a promotion finally since my supervisors have been telling me for the past eight years that I need to promote do you prefer heat or cold? cold pleeeaaaase! I’m a radiator and put off heat like nobody’s business. I’m always warm. name one fact others may not know about you. this is hard because I just constantly blab everything about me, and I have two people who literally know EVERYTHING about me lmfao uhhh I guess... something people may not know... uhhh... on my dad’s side of the family one half was ashkenazi jewish who had to flee germany to avoid the holocaust, where they went to live in italy, while the other half were nazi’s committing some pretty bad stuff that my family won’t talk about, even to this day. funny how two descendants eventually met in america and fell in love, huh? and when they DID fall in love one of them was half italian and in the mafia! so I always joke that my bubbly cheerful self is a descendent of some pretty evil shit, and it feels like a nice little stab at those shitty ancestors of mine. are you shy? uhhh yeah and no??? like. I think I’m shy, since all interaction terrifies me and exhausts me, but everyone tells me I’m a social butterfly? and I’ve noticed in places I’m comfortable and confident, I do tend to be less shy and more involved and interactive? but I think I can be shy. a lot of waiting for other people to initiate because I’m too afraid to, struggling to talk or carry a conversation at times... I don’t know I think I’m overcomplicating this answer LOL preferred pronouns? she/her!  biggest pet peeves? gatekeeping, to be perfectly honest. I stopped following wrestling back in 2014 because when I first tried to get into the fandom, someone was trying to gatekeep a wrestler I also liked and had started making content for and they made me feel like shit for liking them, and I absolutely hated it. that’s why it took me an entire two years of quietly lurking in the wrestling fandom before I finally got brave enough to come out of the woodwork, and I’m grateful I’ve been so well received this time around. but now I’m hyper-sensitive to gatekeeping and I fucking hate it. no joke. and since it’s a pet peeve and I’m irked just remembering all that bs I went through, ima say I’m only a part of fandom to share my love of whatever that thing is with other people who love it too. I can’t stand anyone who thinks they have some sort of “claim” over a celebrity or a show or anything. get a different identity that isn’t wrapped up in that thing and stop seeing it as a threat when other people like it. be happy someone else is as passionate about that thing as you are and make a friend. damn. what is your favorite “dere” type? I’m pretty sure this is something with anime or that originated from anime, right? unfortunately I don’t know what they are so I can’t say LOL I don’t even know if I’m right about it coming from anime tbh rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. 4, 5, but I’m putting in the foundation now and working to make it a 6, 7, or possibly 8 by a year or two from now. what’s your main blog? funnily enough? this one. my OTHER blog that was my main blog since I joined tumblr in 2009 got shoved to the side for this one last year LOL I assumed I’d log onto this blog once in awhile, but now it took over my whole damn life so here I am I guess list your side blogs and what they’re used for. I’m going to be fair and ONLY list my active ones because I have a few side blogs from when I role-played on tumblr that I haven’t touched in over a year. @doedreamss is my non-wrestling blog that WAS my main blog before this one, @cowboysht is my archive where I am ONLY putting my original gifsets/analysis/fanfiction so that one day I can offer people a blog of just my original work and no other posts (the queue is very slowly catching up I think I’ve queued posts up until june this year), @illfatedandstarcrossed is just a non-frequently used outlet for me to mope and dump emotions when I get sad about my relationship things (like a diary! but... public? and not my original thoughts? LOL), and then I have one more blog but it’s locked and private and it’s LITERALLY my diary where I can just vent when I got shit I wanna get off my chest but don’t necessarily want people to see it. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I probably won’t talk to you daily, tbh. I may not even talk to you weekly. socializing takes a lot out of me, on top of an already energy draining day-to-day in my personal life. I have a handful of people I connect with who I talk with frequently, but unfortunately as much as I’d love for it to be endless, I have to keep that list short for my own sanity. my infrequent conversations mean absolutely nothing about my lack of interest in you or how much I care about you. my granny once said I would be the perfect friend for someone you only want to talk to twice a month and she thought she was insulting me, but deadass I just said “YEAH! EXACTLY!!”

tagging: I really like this one so I WANT to tag people, but I feel braindead and also just want to post it cause I feel like I am definitely gonna forget to tag someone tbh aaaaahh okay okay I’m just gonna throw some names out there but please don’t feel pressured to do this (it is TWENTY questions) @kennyhoemega, @champbucks, @superkickparty, @adampage, @hintsofsunshine, @audreyhrnes, @sheslikealostflower, @lancearchers, @champnick, @janelanutella, @edgecution, @superrezzy00, @wardl0w, @writinglionqueen, @orangechuckiet, @hungmanhorsecarriage, @icouldbesus, @thatnerdwriter, @rampagewriting, @snarkandsarcasmftw, @tetsuyainthesky AND I DUNNO JUST ANYONE WHO WANTS TO OK I LOVE YOU ALL BYE

[alolaluna-moving]

MEET THE MUSE!

Rules: Answer in-character. Repost, don’t reblog.

THE BASICS:

► NAME ➭ ❝ Selene Mizuki Lantana Okalani! Yeah, two moon-related things- that has to do with my birthday! ❞

► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭  ❝ Yes? ❞ 

► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭ ❝ Um- ❞ (Queue the "We'll Be Right Back" screen.)

► ARE YOU ANGRY?  ➭ ❝ TAKE A FUCKING GUESS! ❞ 

► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭ ❝ Nope, and good riddance to my dad! ❞ 

NINE FACTS:

► BIRTH PLACE ➭ ❝ Celadon City! You know, that city in the Kanto region with the gym leader who likes teaching random kids the art of 'flower-arranging?' ❞

► HAIR COLOR ➭ ❝ It's dyed dark purple right now! Some people mistake it for black when the lighting is bad. My natural hair color is light brown! ❞

► EYE COLOR ➭ ❝ My natural E-C is blue, but I always wear purple contacts! Gotta match with my hair, you know! ❞

► BIRTHDAY ➭ ❝ December 21st, the longest night of that year, also known as the Winter Solstice! Get why they named me after two different moon-related things now? ❞

► MOOD ➭ ❝ Given my norm, you caught me in a fairly good mood! ❞ (The Alolan is currently glowering at everyone she sees.)

► GENDER ➭ ❝ I'm a girl! ❞

► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭ ❝ There's absolutely no competition, summer for the win! Winter is horrible. ❞

► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭ ❝ Afternoons in Alola are great and all, but there's just something about mornings that makes this region seem so familial and nostalgic. There's nothing like it! ❞

LOVE LIFE:

► ARE YOU IN LOVE? ➭ ❝ None of your business, loser! Leave me alone! ❞

► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭ ❝ I feel sorry for any poor, naive soul that does. I don't know how anyone could fall for somebody else just by giving them a glance! Save that trope for those sappy, gross romance movies that Unova and Kalos love putting in their studios, not for the real world! ❞

► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭ ❝ I did. We were idiots in second grade who just wanted to try what the older kids were doing, so it wasn't that heartbreaking for either of us! That was before I realized that I don't like boys. ❞

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭ ❝ How would I know that? Stop torturing me with such stupid questions! ❞

► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭ ❝ Nope, as long as the person I'm making commitments to is a decent human being! ❞

► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭ ❝ Hugs are saved for my mom! ❞  

► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭ ❝ THEY'RE CALLED SECRET ADMIRERS FOR A REASON YOU MORON! Ahem, sorry. Gotta be civil here, apparently! If you're asking whether I've been sent that sort of stuff anonymously or not, nope. ❞

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭ ❝ ..No? ❞

CHOICES:

► LOVE OR LUST ➭ ❝ Love! Lust is gross! ❞ 

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭ ❝ Lemonade! Lemonade! Lemonade- okay, I got carried away. Continue. ❞

► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭ ❝ I have a few best friends, obviously! Hau and Lillie are my closest friends, though. ❞

► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➭ ❝ Definitely a wild night out! Wild nights are always fun! ❞

► DAY OR NIGHT ➭ ❝ Nighttime! It's quieter at nighttime, you're less likely to be bothered- though obviously, there's more people actively at nighttime in Alola than any other region due to our cultures. But it's still a lower chance than in broad daylight! But it's not just that! There's something magical about taking a stroll through the wilderness or Mantine Surfing under the moonlight. It just feels.. right, you know? ❞

HAVE YOU EVER:

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭  ❝ Duh! Eventually I just started sneaking out by climbing on the roof, though. ❞

► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭ ❝ You mean to say other people haven't? Oh man, I'm a clutz, aren't I?❞

► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭ ❝ ..Yes to the former, but that's a time I don't want to talk about. ❞

CHOICES PT. 2:

► SMILE OR EYES ➭ ❝ Definitely the eyes, it's much easier to read people through their eyes than through their smile! Anyone can smile, but only sincere people can actually show that they mean it. ❞

► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭ ❝ Taller. So I can intimidate even more people with my height. It's fun, being 6'2"! ❞

► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭ ❝ Intelligence matters way more than attraction to me. Everybody has a different way of presenting themselves! As long as they don't smell like they haven't showered in four months, we're good! ❞ (Selene has some issues with judging someone for how beautiful or ugly they are. Because, you know, she did see Lusamine do that exact thing to her best friend, deeming her 'ugly' and likewise.)

► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭ ❝ Relationships. ❞

FAMILY:

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭ ❝ Only really my mom and her side of the family. I never saw eye-to-eye with any relatives on my dad's side, or my brother. ❞

► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭ ❝ I wouldn't word it as 'messed up,' I would word it as 'chaotic!' ❞

► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭ ❝ Twice. Once in Kanto because I was sick of listening to my family bicker. Then there was the whole ordeal after that incident. ❞

► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ ❝ Somehow, no! ❞

FRIENDS:

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➭ ❝ I'm not afraid of telling people I hate to piss off, so nope, I love all my friends! ❞

► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➭ ❝ Not quite. I use 'good friend' and 'best friend' interchangeably, so I'd technically only have a few 'good friends.' ❞

► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➭ ❝ I don't really have a number one best friend, I don't like picking favorites out of my main circle! My closest human friends are Hau, Lillie, and Gladion, I've been through a lot with them and nothing can replace them in my heart. I'm also quite close with all of the trial captains, though out of that bunch, I'm closest to Acerola. And of course, there's my Pokemon team and Andro! ❞

► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➭ ❝ No humans, actually. My main Pokemon team, Andro, and Lunala know everything. ❞ 

Tagged by: @distortsverity (thank you!!)

Tagging: You know the drill- steal it :)

[nctstany]

⨀ chapter 6 ⨀  Kiss and Run

Markhyuck {side Renmin} {side Jaeyong}

Summary- There’s always been a rivalry between camp 127 and camp dream but that changes once a newcomer arrives.

OR

Mark Lee was forced into joining a summer camp by his parents since he’s been wasting his last two summers inside away from kids his age.

!Warning! Mark Lee is a hothead !Warning!

The most NSFW content you’ll is like kissing or.....holding hands (maybe something but you’ll have to read it to know)

Dream and 127 are on the best of terms, mostly it applying to Doyoung since he never had a conversation with them without it involving yelling, to be honest that was the only thing that has changed between the two groups. Everyone acted the same way with friendly vibes and jokes, teases thrown here and there that aren’t to be taken seriously. That’s all Mark wanted. And because of it he’s finally rebuilding his relationship with Jisung and Jeno, talking about old times and sharing new experiences with each other like friends again. During the bonding time Hyuck has involved himself into it too, forcefully....Mark remembers Renjun saying once. He doesn’t mind it to be honest but can be a bit suffocating also...confusing? Whenever they’re just hanging out Hyuck is always right by Mark’s side even they aren’t hanging out with the others, just doing there own thing Hyuck is always right next to Mark.     

“Marky~” Donghyuck called out for the other as he skipped his way to him.

"Fuck-" Mark went on panic mode, speeding his walk the other direction and bumped into someone but then panicked some more. “Doyoung, you got to help me.” 

"With what?"

"Just hide me!" Doyoung looked around and pushed him into the supply closet he just came out of. Just in time Donghyuck came around the corner.

“Have you’ve seen Mark?”

“I think he went to the showers.” Donghyuck nodded his head with a thin smile while he still looked around. Once he was far enough away he opened the door to the closet and Mark almost stumbled out.    

“Guess Donghyuck has taken a liking to you~” 

“Yeah...too much.”  

“Sorry I acted the way I did before.” Doyoung laughed a little. “I just didn’t want the new kid to get picked on.” He walked away before Mark could think. 

"Um...Doyoung!" Mark screamed for the other and planted a big smile on his face as soon as he turned around, "Thanks."

□●□●□●□

Cold water shocked Mark’s nerves as he turned his overheated body cool. It being his first time taking a swim in the lake and regretting it since it’s so refreshing, he wished he did it sooner. 

“Oh.....you’re the kind of kid that swims with a shirt on.” A sudden voice shocked Mark as he turned around quickly. Donghyuck stood tall looking down at him, a towel rested on his shoulder. Mark remembered his remark and looked down at his oversize shirt that he uses for swimming. 

“Let me self conscious about my body in peace!”

“You shouldn’t be.” Donghyuck titled his head and grinned, “You’re perfect.” 

The gesture made a feeling go down to Mark’s gut and he looked away but Hyuck kept his stare for too long. He always smiles at Mark that way but for some reason Mark can’t handle it right now.  

“Stop looking at me like that! I’m not taking off my shirt.”  

“Suit yourself.” Donghyuck shrugged and pulled his tank top off, Mark’s eyes scanned his torso quickly. Tanned skin and subtle abs made Mark’s skin hot again so he threw himself in the water. When he got back up for some air Donghyuck was went in front of him swimming to hold himself up. 

“Why do you keep following me?”

“This lake is small, don’t get your hopes up.” 

“You know what I mean.” Mark turned away in the water and swam towards the deck only to hear the other right behind him as he pulled himself up to sit on the deck. He looked over to his right and saw Donghyuck grinning big at him. Mark rolled his eyes heavily, looking out into the water and felling the other burn a stare in the side of his face. 

“Do you like me or something?” That one question....made both of their hearts drop. Even though Mark asked it he still held his breathe waiting for a response. 

“That’s funnier than watching you try to swim.”

“I can swim!” Mark pouted and Hyuck stuck his tongue out. “A leaf can swim better.” 

“You’re avoiding the question.” 

“You haven’t asked me anything!” On queue Donghyuck started to turn red and his eyes shifted as he panicked, yelling didn’t help and sitting close to Mark didn’t solve anything.  

“Yes I did!”

“Well ask it more clearly!”

It’s a stupid question anyway, just something to tease the other about. For some reason Mark wants to know the answer. 

“Do you like me Donghyuck?”

“Yes I do!” Oh shit....

Oh.....

“As a friend obliviously! I only just met you almost two months ago, how could I have a crush on you....that’s impossible.”  

“Well duh!” Mark shouted and pushed the other’s shoulder, “That’s what I was asking anyway.” 

□●□●□●□

A week goes by like it’s nothing and Saturday hit everyone with a little bit of boredom to follow. The camps were silent with everyone in their rooms and the counselor in their offices. 

“You know what we haven’t done in a while~”

“What?”

“Partied.”

“We should have one like last time.” Jungwoo stated with excitement. 

“You guys can have parties?” Mark looked up from his bed and everyone nodded their heads at him. 

“Only on Saturday nights, just have to let the cool counselors know.” 

“Yeah let’s do it tonight, get it out of our system.” 

“Spread the word then!” Doyoung hollered at them as he left the room to do just that. 

~~ 

Word spread fast and before Mark knew it he found himself at camp XO in the basement of one of the offices. Being in conversations with people he hasn’t met until now and the little voice of social anxiety shouted at Mark in the back of his head. It’s not like this is his first party he’s ever gone to, he’s been to a couple during the early high school years but he had a select few he would stay by to be comfortable. This time camp 127 were the wild ones that Mark never experienced and every other camp was the same. Not to mention that he saw Renjun do a fucking keg stand five minutes ago. 

"This tastes like shit!" Johnny hollered out from the kitchen that Mark stood by. He went in the kitchen to see Jungwoo looking at Taeil with a pout on his face. "You told me it tasted delicious."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings." Taeil shrugged with a small smile at Jungwoo. Mark laughed a little at the two and continued to drink whatever the other made. Nothing but pure alcohol hit Mark’s tongue and he pulled a face from the sourness.  

“Guess you’re all a bunch of babies that can’t apprentice good alcohol.” 

The night went on and Mark can’t memory the number of drinks he had, all of them tasted sour. The music getting louder and a light buzz traveling throughout his head. Spending most of the night dancing and drinking all at the same time can really wear you out. As everyone continued that Mark found the nearest place to rest and lucky for him a spot on the comfy couch was opened. 

“So are you enjoying yourself?” Mark’s eyes opened lazily as he stretched out, giving a little smile to Donghyuck as he moved over for so could sit. 

"As much as I think I can." Mark said. 

Silence poured out between them, well quiet between them since there's loud music and people screaming off their drunk asses. It didn't stop until Mark saw how close the other got to him on the couch, basically in his ear. 

"Mark?" 

“Can I kiss you?” Maybe it was the alcohol hitting him like a truck, since he doesn’t really do it like how he smokes, that he blindly looked over at Donghyuck’s face and nodded like he didn’t even hear the question. So he was shocked when the other pushed him into the couch with a deep kiss as if they weren’t in front of a handful of people. Blaming the alcohol still, Mark wrapped his arms around Donghyuck’s neck and sunk deeper into the couch. Donghyuck dominated quickly by pushing his tongue in and exploring Mark’s mouth. Burning sensation filled in their lungs every piece of clothing feeling too tight. Bodies getting warmer and certain areas feeling neglected. Once they pulled away from the dragged out kiss, heavily breathing and staring into each other's eyes, Donghyuck was the one to leave the embrace with uneasy eyes. 

"Oh- um….that was um fuck. Bye!" 

Donghyuck turned into a different person, nervous and frustrated as he walked the other way, leaving Mark with messy hair and swollen lips.  

~~

Well others got shit face Taeyong kept to himself on the couch, looking expensive as always when he actually tires for events like this. Sitting pretty in his tight white short sleeve and plain skinny jeans, with rips stopping just in the middle of his thighs. Nothing tops the black choker around his neck with a little X danging from the middle, which the accessories was Yuta’s idea. It was a routine during these little parties, just impress no one in particular and that was getting boring fast for him. So boring that he excluded himself fro the party and went upstairs to a random room that was empty. He just walked back and forth in it, looking at the shelves filled with books and little pictures of past camps.  

“Thought I’ve find you here.” The sudden deep voice didn’t shock Taeyong physically enough but in his head he was screaming once he realized who it was in the room with him. He looked over at Jaehyun with a smile and continued to look at the books, his heart racing when he felt the other get closer.  

"You're pretty." Jaehyun smiled slyly and Taeyong giggled slightly, pushing the comment away. "And you're pretty wasted."

“Nah...I’m sober, if I was drunk then I would have grabbed you by the waist like this.” Jaehyun slid his arms around Taeyong and pulled the other close, putting his mouth up to his ear, “And pushed you up against this wall and called you hot as fuck.”  

“Jaehyun.” It came out as a pathetic warning once Taeyong felt the other’s hand creep up under his shirt. 

"Yes?" 

“Don’t...” Coming out almost has a moan that brought a smirk to Jaehyun's face. Challenging his ability more as he slowly went up his chest and twisted the left nipple. Taeyong lifted his head up with his mouth open, moaning softly. 

“I was just saying what drunk me would have done....in this moment.” 

“Don’t you want to know~”

“N-no...” 

“Even if I showed you instead?” 

“Jae-” The name was swallowed into a kiss, soft whimpers leaving Taeyong’s mouth as the kiss picked up and hands came in contact with each other’s bodies. Jaehyun’s hands go directly to Taeyong’s sensitive spots that make him turn into a wiggling mess. Heavily breathing into Taeyong’s ears as he grinds down right in between his legs, that were casually pushed open during the kiss. Taeyong pulled away and used his hand to cover his mouth while looking away from Jaehyun, who was burning a deep look into the side of his face. He met the glaze with his own look of being hot and bothered, big sparkly eyes looking directly at Jaehyun. Your eyes are my only weakness. 

“Jaehyun...p-please.” Pleasure ran through his body as he grind down on Jaehyun's. The other didn't hesitate in unbuttoning their pants to release both of their erections. Taeyong squirmed again making Jaehyun look up just to be pulled into a deep kiss. Pre-cum came out both of their cocks as Jaehyun grabbed them and started to pump. 

"Ah~ fuck." Sweet and slow that had them gasping in the kiss. Jaehyun found the rhythm in it, more and more pre-cum covering their cocks. It wasn't long until they were both grinding down into the feeling too. Leaving each other's kisses to focus on the feeling below. 

"Jae-" Taeyong swallowed down, "Can I cum?" Then Jaehyun's hand lost its rhythm, fast and tight around both of their cocks. The loudest moan of the night exploded out Taeyong's mouth, gripping onto the other's arms and arching his back. Burning knot inside him, he let go with shaky legs and Jaehyun pinned him against the wall to keep him up. Taeyong's sound and face after releasing took a big part in Jaehyun's orgasm. 

[sinesalvatorem]

There was a pattern that used to happen in school, and sometimes with me and my brother vs my parents, but now everyone's grown up so the only place it's still happening is when I visit the rationalists.

The thing where some people (usually two of us) have a fun interaction, someone who is barely paying attention shows up and is like "HOW DARE YOU BE HAVING FUN DON'T YOU REALISE YOU'RE HURTING THEM???"

The main reason this doesn't happen any more in the adult world is that when a bystander does this the parties involved just say "We know each other" and continue on, and under liberalism you just have to /let/ them keep having fun, the absolute bastards, fuck yeah america

The problem with rats is that when the bystander shows up with their Confrontation, your interlocutor will just completely drop the fuck out and put on their blankest expression and not know shit when the cops do the sudden breaking context shift of "you are now A Victim(tm)(r)(c)(literal poison) of the Heinous Crimes that you were laughing about but must now be Wide Eyed And Horrified".

At least Jade had the decency to give a raw to hell "R U Fucking Kidding M8?" face when it was pulled on us. And I appreciated Ozy's Sandmanning. Generally folks will let me fucking hang from the rope of mistrust and then be Shocked (Shocked!, I tell you) when I don't want to play anymore with their Can't Take A Stand weaksoft tofu personalities.

But like yeah I'm not going back to REACH for a bunch of reasons (I don't like (centurion understatement) how antisocial the space is these days, and I broke down crying yesterday after being asked to stop washing dishes because only wash the dish personally used and not the sink queue (literal unambiguous evil), and p much all the things in that vein.

But also I got a 2 week REACH ban for touching two people. Officially, touching them "without consent". Am genuinely sorry in one case because I did not mean to bump into him (after he said he didn't want to be touched and later we collided). He was also uncomfortable when I sat too close bc his book was cool, but then I backed up ten feet and asked to return to book-look distance and he said yes.

In the case of the second person (an example of the main thesis), I'm genuinely not sorry because I know who I was speaking to, and the context in which he said he didn't want to be touched (when I jokingly Super Hugged them during a boardgame) and when they were laughing with me (eg when we bumped hands in board game and I was like OH NOES THE HORROR and they were lmao). If they actually do have a problem with this, then I'm sorry. But in the overwhelmingly likely case that they clearly telegraphed with all of their actions, they were happy.

But anyway, in the tradition of all human decision makers everywhere, I'm going to use the temp ban as an excuse to do what I should have already - stopped volunteering at REACH. It's just been pouring heart and soul into a gaping hole kept intentionally vacuous. It's pointless and psychologically destructive to do so as long as the current equilibrium persists - where everyone has YIMBY preferences but lets NIMBYhood rein because the only free action is shooting down your -friends- SPACE COMPETITORS' actions.

Absolutely fuck that noise. It's noise; it's tilt; it makes me worse at engaging with the real world when I return to it from REACH. I have three communities in which i have been deeply involved in the development of community warmth and satisfaction. Most emphatically and excellently in my church, cuz started with the advantage of being a church (Catholic, cuz standards m8), but also the construction co-op and the San Francisco Symphony. The temp ban email said to write back when my life is stable, but it is (emoji between duh & lol) and has been for quite a while, and my stability was obvious the whole time I was there. (don't want to say "in contrast to", but like, literal homeless shelter with deep aversion to permanence or growth that literally stacks the plastic cups above the ceramic, so like (no shit).)

REACH is very forcefully aiming toward the cold and death of empty space and I genuinely don't want to see it happen because the death of those I love is painful, but I have fucking had it and officially Give Up on trying to help. I don't want to say fuck off and die on your own, but *sigh* yeah, fuck off, you will indeed die, and it will be on your own. Saying this openly is antisocial and I accept that. It's about a third as antisocial as the things I heard walking between the bathroom and the kitchen, and my name is 'sticks my neck out', so here are (a sliver of) the things that need to be said.

TL;DR - When I walked out the door last night I was thanked for all my help. The next morning I got an email saying I was banned. Everything at REACH is like this and The Thing This Is is the underlying quintessential cause of it being such a cold and uncommunal space in general.

[brightlightsfanfiction-blog]

Adjustments | Jared Leto + Reader

Request:  Can you do a Jared x Reader dealing with the fact he had a hard time gaining weight/eating after doing DBC? --Anon  Note: Still got a few things in my drafts and my queue (the rest of what I have written for Secret Identity, especially is all queued up) but in watching a bunch of videos about Jared and Dallas Buyers Club, I remembered this request and had to work on it.  Warning: Eating disorders/body issues/ self-destructive tendencies/ is mentioned here. Probably be some swearing as well. Tread lightly. 

You didn’t think you’d ever been so grateful for Jared to finish a movie as you were with Dallas Buyers Club. It wasn't about the content -from what you knew about hearing about it, and meeting “Rayon” (a bizarre experience all on its own),  it was an important film and a deep one that you were glad your boyfriend cared a lot about. The problem was? He cared too much. he always threw himself into his roles. 

You’d never experienced it first hand, there being a big chunk of time between DBC and Mr. Nobody, but you knew the stories - you knew about how Jared shot up water with junkies on the streets of New York for Requiem for a Dream, the massive amount of weight he’d gained for Chapter 27, Now he’d lost a ridiculous amount for DBC. 

The weight loss didn’t stop the entirety of filming, and there had been numerous trips to the hospital after getting a call from someone that he had fainted on set.  It didn’t matter how many doctors told him it was unsafe, or he needed to stop. he wouldn’t until he was done. Changed a few things here or there to get just enough calories to be alright.  He wasn’t the most pleasant to be around either, weak, fragile, tired. None of the vibrance of the man you fell in love with was there. Still, the love stuck with you, and you refused to go anywhere as you stuck with him through the process. Now it was over, and Jared could come back. 

That was easier said than done.

Eating disorders were usually paired with OCD. The control and the obsession of how many calories you can consume, with how much physical activity you need to do to accommodate it. Then there was the fact that after weeks and months of it, your body tried to adjust, and the appetite wasn’t there... it was a whole vicious cycle that Jared was clearly stuck in, and needed help getting out. 

You started small. One night when Jared was either working late into the morning or just up early, you decided to get up and make a favorite - vegan pancakes. He hadn’t had much of them if any since filming started, so starting with a treat seemed like a good idea. In theory.

“Baby, I made pancakes in the kitchen,” you commented, peaking into his office. With your house, you didn’t need a “vegan” prefix for food, you knowing his diet and him knowing that you knew it. 

“I’m fine,” he murmured, eyes trained on the computer as he typed away with whatever he was doing. Always one project or another. 

You came over, resting against his desk and ran your fingers through his hair. “Have you eaten today?” you asked. It was early, breakfast time so clearly, it wouldn’t be a sin if he hadn’t, but you also knew there was more to it. 

“Last night,” came another short answer. 

You pursed your lips a little. “That was last night, I asked about today,” you pointed out, bringing your hand down to his cheek to gently tilt his head to you and gain his attention. “I’m just worried.” 

His eyes met yours, and you could see his exhaustion. “I’m fine. I’ll get something in a little bit,” he answered, trying to sound reassuring. 

Your hand slipped from his cheek, and it came to hold your pinky out in front of him. “Promise?” 

He smiled a little, weak, forced, and it definitely didn’t meet his eyes, but nevertheless, he wrapped his pinky around yours, before kissing your hand. “Promise.” 

You leaned down to press a soft kiss to his lips before going out to have your own breakfast. 

That “promise” didn’t come until much later, a late lunch or early dinner when he came out and put together a platter of fruits and veggies. The fruit was a start, him having been avoiding it before because of the sugar, but it still wasn’t much.

You tried again once more around a proper dinnertime. He was outside, finishing up a phone call, and when you saw he finished, you went out to see him.  Your arms wrapped around his slim shoulders from behind, a hand of his came up to rest on your arm out of instinct. “Want to go out for dinner? We can go to the Veggie Grill,” you tried to entice him with more good food. 

He shook his head. “Not overly hungry. Ate not too long ago,” he said.

You frowned at that, shifting to go around and sit in the chair next to him. You reached over to take his hands, which were much colder than usual due to his low body fat making him constantly cold. “You’re not hungry much at all, and that’s what worries me,” you confessed. He started to open his mouth to protest, but you held your hand up to stop him. “Please don’t say you’re fine. I know you’re not. A plate of fruits and veggies and then going for a hike while you take phone calls isn’t a healthy day of nutrition.” 

He let out a small sigh. “I know. It’s just difficult to get back into the habit of a healthy diet. My body just doesn’t feel like it wants much, even though I know it needs it,” he answered. 

“Have you talked to anyone?” you asked, bringing the back of his hand to your lips, kissing it softly. 

He rose a brow at you in confusion. “It’s not a body image issue, babe,” he pointed out. 

You gave him a bit of a ‘duh’ look that you couldn’t help. “I’m very well aware of that. But there obviously has to be some sort of way to incorporate food back into your body and make them friends again,” you said with a little bit of a smile, trying to lighten the mood a little. 

“I’d like to try to give myself a little bit more time to see if I can do it myself before involving a doctor. If I have a hard time in a few days, I will,” he said, shifting your hands to intertwine your pinkies. “Plus I got the best girl in the world to help me through it,” he added, making you smile more.

You leaned over to press a soft kiss to his lips. “Want me to make a small snack? Start with putting little small stuff in your body, and work your way up to fuller meals?” you offered. 

He nodded. “That sounds fine.” You got up and he followed suit, going into the kitchen together. You got out some crackers and peanut butter, making a good amount and put them on a plate. He gave a quiet thanks, going to sit down. It was clear it was still a struggle. His mind was in calculating mode, and lose-weight mode. As far as you knew from what he said, losing the weight from Chapter 27 wasn’t necessarily hard. Jared naturally had a very healthy diet, liked good foods, and enjoyed working out - the diet and lifestyle he was on to gain the weight made him miserable. You were sure there were still times during it his body craved the fat and sugar, but Jared was very resilient. 

It took a bit, longer than it normally would take someone to make a plate of crackers, but he did manage it and came over to rinse his plate off and put it on the drying rack. He moved over to rest his hands on your hips, as you’d been hovering in the kitchen to keep an eye on him. 

You gave him a tight, worried smile. “Wanna try to get some sleep?” you asked, sure the both of you were tired. He gave a small nod and you headed down to your bedroom, curling up together. “I love you, Jared,” you murmured, blinking back a few tears, glad it was dark.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

It had been a few days on this pattern. and you could tell Jared was miserable. It was still a lot of sleeping, and when he’d wake up he’d be in pain and feel nauseous. He tried to push through it and work, still recording and writing music when he was active, which made you, Shannon, and Tomo all nervous. 

He came out of his office after a few hours of what sounded like songwriting, going down to the kitchen to get a drink. You were cleaning up the kitchen when you saw him put his hands on the counter as if to stabilize himself. You turned off the water quickly, going over to slip your arm around him. 

“Jar? You okay?” you asked, trying to understand what was going on. He nodded a little weakly, resting against you for support. You helped him over to the couch, sitting him down. “I think you need to see a doctor, sweetheart,” you told him, getting more worried by the day. 

A sigh came from his lips, a surrender, a sound of waving the white flag. “Call Jason, he’ll arrange something so it doesn’t become a big press thing that I’m going to the hospital,” he responded. 

You nodded and got up, brushing your fingers through his hair before going to his office to find his phone. You knew his code, so you typed it in, before opening his contacts to find his managers number, pressing the dial button. It rung a few times before he answered.

“Hey, Jared. How are you feeling?” he greeted.

Duh, you were calling from his phone. “It’s y/n. Jared had another kind-of fainting spell, and I think he needs to go to the hospital,” you told him. You could feel your hands and the rest of your body shaking. 

“Kind-of? I’ll come get you guys and make a few calls to get things handled,” he replied, and you could hear the movement of him getting ready to do just that. There was a mild worry in his voice, and it sounded like he was trying to remain calm.

“He was working for a bit and came down to get something to drink. He stopped and moved over to the counter to stabilize himself and I helped him to the couch, so it may have been an extreme dizzy or nausea spell, I didn’t ask. Just said he needed to see a doctor,” you explained, sitting in his office chair. Part of you thought you should go back to the living room to sit with him, but you were having a hard enough time keeping your emotions in check as it was. 

“Is he coherent?” he followed up, and you heard his keys jingle as he grabbed them.

“Seems to be. When I asked about him seeing a doctor, he was able to tell me to call you so it didn’t become a big press deal,” you explained, taking in a breath. It was all so overwhelming.

“Hey, y/n, breathe. Can’t have you passing out too. I know this is hard, just need some stuff to tell the doctors so they know what they’re dealing with. I’m on my way. I’m gonna make some calls. Keep an eye on him, I’ll be there in a bit,” Jason told you, and it was never more clear why he was a manager. He was good at... well, managing people. 

You nodded, despite him not able to see. “Okay, thanks, Jason, come in when you get here,” you told him before hanging up. You pushed yourself up out of the chair, wiping a few rogue tears that had slipped out and tried to seem presentable before going back out to your sick boyfriend who was resting against the arm of the couch, eyes closed.

You sat next to him, gently touching his arms. His eyes opened a bit to show he was awake and knew you were there. “Jason’s on his way. How do you feel?” you asked. 

He shifted to lean against you instead of the couch, and you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close. “Everything’ll be alright,” he murmured, still trying to be a comforting boyfriend. You blinked a few times, hard, to push off the fresh wave of tears. 

“I hope so,” you whispered, kissing his head. 

Jason showed up not too long after, and the two of you helped Jared into the SUV. You texted Shannon to let him know where you were headed, knowing he’d pass it along to Tomo if he felt necessary, and also to Constance. He asked for the info on where, and you gave it to him. 

You guys went into a back entrance (something unnecessary but needed to keep it from the blood-sucking leech paparazzi that made your blood boil), and he was taken in with a wheelchair. You and Jason had to stay outside while they did a few tests, and luckily Shannon arrived shortly after. 

He started to ask what happened when he saw how broken you were; Shannon Leto was not an outwardly emotional person, but he pulled you into his arms without a second thought, grip tight.

Any dams you’d created broke, and you started crying into him. He held you, whispering comments about how Jared would be fine, and that he was in good hands. Jason filled him in on what had happened, based on what you told him and questions Jared had answered on the way over - Jared himself hadn’t even been able to specify what exactly it was. 

Constance came a bit after that, and Shannon passed you along to her since she was much more used to it. She was a mom, after all. 

You all sat in the waiting room, you resting against the Leto mother as she patted your hand and told you that it’d be okay, that Jared was a fighter, and he’d get through it just fine. 

After a bit, the doctor came out and informed you that Jared was doing fine. Seriously malnourished and a little dehydrated, but that wasn’t news. They were giving him some fluids and nutrients through an IV and just told him to rest. They were intending to keep him at least overnight, and potentially a few days to help get him on a meal plan and back on his feet more, before heading home. You were sure the workaholic that Jared was would hate that, but it sounded like the best thing to do.  

The doctor assured you all that he was fine, and that overall he was still a fairly healthy guy (especially for his age), and he’d be back to normal once he got on a proper diet. It helped you relax some, but there was still some anxiety.

The next few days were really rough; they’d kept them as they intended to, and were starting to get his body used to consuming more calories. He was still miserable and weak, but at least he was around doctors who knew what they were doing. It did seem to be working, anyway. He was able to stay awake longer and actually seemed awake. Some color was coming back to his face, and his fingers didn’t shock you with cold anymore. 

Once it seemed like he could handle at least enough to function fine, and he was mentally getting better about doing it as well, they discharged him and you were able to take him home.

You drove him home, making sure he was comfortable and would still take it easy for a few days. 

“Thank you for sticking with me through all this. I know it hasn’t been easy,” he commented as you settled into your bed together once you got home.

“You are so very worth it,” you assured him with a smile, leaning over to kiss him.

He smiled, a genuine, more vibrate Jared smile that melted your heart. “Best girlfriend ever,” he commented, kissing your nose and pulled you close.

“I try,” you teased, resting against him. 

[thlpp]

Yo so. As soon as I move out of my parent's house I'm planning on getting a big snake. I'm leaning towards a retic, but I wanna hear some of the pros and cons of other snakes. I have a ball python right now, so I have /some/ experience. But I've done a lot of reading on retics and carpet pythons. So yea. :)

I completely understand your interest in large snakes. I myself have to talk myself out of getting a giant on the regular, so I know. But every time I have to make Rocky do something he doesn't want to do (like when we needed that culture swab from his mouth), I realize that he's reaching the upper limits of what I can comfortably control, even if things go sideways somehow.It takes the two of us to get that swab into his mouth, or when we needed to medicate him, to get that feeding tube down his throat to make sure the meds go down (snakes have AMAZING control of their throats [who knew! duh!]) so they can spit up the meds unless we put them almost all the way in their stomachs (queue Leeloo blowing pink cherry-flavoured medication bubbles out of her nose).If you keep a snake, eventually it will need medication, or at the very least, you'll have to take it to a vet for an annual exam. If any of my snakes isn't too happy about going into that transport tub, I can still make it comply, without too much trouble, all on my own. I would not be able to do that with a 15-footer retic, annie, or a burm. I would also not be able to enjoy their company the same way I do with Porthos and Rocky, because at these sizes, you have to have at least another person in the room with you just to be sure.I know you have your heart set on a retic, but hear me out. If you intend on living alone, I would strongly advise against one, or any other snake that gets to be 10+ ft long. That is because anything that size cannot be safely handled by one person. Not because the snakes are mean, but because they can make mistakes, as can humans (you), and with a snake that big, it may end in tragedy. And then the snake will be euthanized too. And nobody wants that.Now, I'm not a fan of saying "bad idea" without offering a constructive suggestion, so here goes.If you like giants for their girth (that's me all the way -- the thiccer, the better!), you may want to look into getting a lady blood python. I've seen one that was well over 6ft long and almost as thick as my thigh. Very hefty, and definitely imposing-looking. So that may be an option for you.If length is the main factor, consider a boa -- b. constrictor or b. imperator both get pretty long, and if you get a lady snek, she'll be quite formidable when fully grown. Still, they are usually quite docile (aside from crazy feeding response, so watch out for that), and easy-ish to deal with, even alone.Retics are famous for both their intelligence and their temper (a dude around here has a bunch, and his stories are amazing, but also make me go, nope, not for me). Add that to their speed, and you probably don't want them as your first large snake after a ball python.*Carpets, I know nothing about, aside from the fact that they don't get big enough to be a problem for a single keeper to take care of.*) I am not advocating buying snakes you don't intend on keeping long-term, just "for practice." I'm just trying to make suggestions that would hopefully help you pick a snake you'll love keeping, while not endangering yourself.

[secret-skin]

Song ask! Picked at random: 8, 16, 17, 18, 25, 27, 33!?

8. Go to sex song. Hahaha!  All I’m gonna say is that if you can’t bone to “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails, you’re probably lying.  

16. If you could have two artists create a song together, which artists would you choose?  I would’ve loved if Trent Reznor and Raymond Watts, circa their 1994 Europe tour, had done a song together.  I think their respective sounds at the time would’ve meshed really well together.  

17. Which artist(s) do you want new music from?  Um, all of them?  I guess I’d most like to hear new stuff from Cubanate right now.  

18. What song reminds you of your childhood? There are so many!  “Birdhouse in Your Soul” by They Might Be Giants reminds me of when we got our first car with a CD player when I was about 7 or 8.  My mom was excited to finally be able to listen to CDs in the car, so she bought a They Might Be Giants greatest hits compilation.  We listened to it alllllll the time.  

“Lake of Fire” by Nirvana from Unplugged in New York always reminds me of childhood, too.  That’s the first “adult” album I remember hearing when I was little.  

And the entire Beatles and R.E.M. discographies also really remind me of childhood, since my parents always kept them in heavy rotation.  

25. What song(s) were ruined by a breakup?  Well, I have a hard time listening to St. Vincent as much as I did back in the day, because I’ll forever and always associate her with an ex that left me some pretty lasting emotional scars.  Which sucks, because St. Vincent is so amazing!  

27. Your friend is driving you somewhere and makes you DJ, what 5 songs do you put in queue?  Depends on the friend and how much tolerance they have for dudes shrieking in German over clanking metallic sounds, tbh.  If I were DJing for you, I’d probably put on something like this:

“Fountain of Miracles” by PIG

“Less Than” by Nine Inch Nails

“Going Red” by KANGA

“My Name is Ruin” by Gary Numan

“Join in the Chant” by Nitzer Ebb

33. Top 5 concerts you’d want to see?  Nine Inch Nails (duh), Rammstein (they put on a hell of a stage show), Sisters of Mercy (apparently they’re amazing live?), PIG (again, because it was my favorite show ever for a bunch of reasons), and I reeeeeeeally wanna see Front Line Assembly and Cubanate when they perform in Seattle this November!  

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 18

(aka the royalty AU story)

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17] [AO3]

Max sat alone in his room, trying to study, but his thoughts just kept going back to Kim. It didn’t help when someone knocked on his door – surely that could only be Kim, coming to see how he was doing? But he opened the door to see Alix there instead.

“Oh hello Alix, come in,” he said, stifling a yawn. Perhaps he really should have taken a nap after all. All this pointless pining was more tiring than it seemed.

Alix entered the room and immediately said, “Dude, I really need your help with something.”

Ah, it was finally happening. Surely she must have realized Kim liked her, and wanted his help with that. Of course. It was only a matter of time.

“Yes, certainly, what is it?”

She leaned on her sceptre, absent-mindedly flicking the lid open and closed. “I’m pretty bad at being a ruler. I have, like, no idea what I’m doing. I mean, yeah I know I’m bad at acting the part and doing all the pointless boring ceremonial stuff, but I don’t really care about that. What I want help with is the actual practical aspects of ruling a country, the stuff that will make a difference. You’re good at that, so uh… could you help me out? Please?”

“Yes, of course,” Max replied, taken aback. This was what she wanted help with? Well… he had underestimated her, alright.

“You look so surprised.”

Whoops. “I just… didn’t realize you…”

“Didn’t realize I cared so much? Well yeah, I try not to. But honestly, the pressure of ruling the most developed country in the world is starting to get to me. I know everyone expects a lot from me and I’ve pretty much already let my family down considering what I’m like, so I’m not doing the same for the rest of my country. They deserve a good leader.”

“I’m sure you haven’t let your family down!”

“Trust me, I have. Even fricking Jalil would have made a better pharaoh than me, everyone thinks it even if they don’t say it.”

Her tone and expression hadn’t changed, but her hand was gripping the sceptre so tightly it was going white. Clearly this was affecting her much more than she let on.

“I’ll help you be a good leader, don’t worry,” Max said. “But really, your powers are mostly ceremonial. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, the council can just make all the governing decisions for you if you feel you’re not good at it. I’m sure they’d do a good job, considering they’re democratically elected and all. They’ll do what’s best for the people.”

“I don’t want to have to rely on the council to run my country for me, thank you very much. I’ve seen how corrupt other countries can get seriously fast, despite seeming all modern and stable and whatever. I’d rather be properly informed about the direction my country is going in. I don’t want it going backwards just because a bunch of charismatic liars got voted into the council and the monarch did nothing to stop them messing stuff up. That happened once to Rossi, you know.”

Wait, she knew all that? He hadn’t even realized. He always thought she didn’t care about how to rule her country, preferring to just mess around and have fun all the time. Had that just been an act? Or was she simply growing up to be more responsible than she had been in the past?

“You’re right,” he said, “countries can advance or decline very rapidly depending on who’s in charge. I’m proud that you want to be a responsible leader.”

“Do you think my family would be proud too? At least if I tried? They would, wouldn’t they?”

“Of course they would! But even if they wouldn’t, that’s not the end of the world–”

“Yes it is!” She snapped the lid of her sceptre shut so hard it made a loud click. “You’ve always been a good child, really smart and good at everything and always trying hard, your family thinks you’re awesome and to be honest, so does mine, I bet my dad wishes you were his kid instead of me. But all my life I’ve just been really… I don’t know, immature! I want to at least do something to show them that I’m not just some failure, I have to prove myself to them…”

So that was what this was all about. Well, he had something to put her mind at ease.

“Alix, I have to tell you something. During my oracle session with Master Fu, the question I asked was whether the GDP of my kingdom will ever overtake yours while I’m alive. I expected it would, since I’ve got so many plans to boost the economy and that sort of thing, and I didn’t expect you would try that hard with it. But guess what? I was wrong! As long as I live, your country will be ahead of mine. Which means that you will do a good job, no matter what happens.”

Her face lit up. “Wait, are you serious? My country’s economy is going to stay better than yours? But like… you’re Max! You’re so good at that stuff!”

“I know I am. But obviously it seems you’ll be good at it too, at least enough to keep your country going forward for a long while.”

“Yes, nice! That’s so awesome! I mean since you said it’s within your lifetime there’s always the possibility that you’d just die like tomorrow or something but uh… I’ll assume you’re too sensible to suddenly accidentally die. And that I’m gonna rule my country awesomely until then.”

“That’s the spirit. I’ll admit I was a bit jealous when Fu told me. I was annoyed since I didn’t expect you cared or that you would work very hard, so I thought it was unfair, but clearly I’m wrong…”

“Nah it’s cool, I don’t work nearly as hard as I should. But I’ll definitely try harder from now on. So yeah, you’ll tutor me then? How to be an actual good ruler? Don’t worry if you’re busy with tutoring Kim or other kids in the class, it’s okay, but–”

“I’ll definitely tutor you, that’s fine! I enjoy tutoring, actually.”

Alix laughed. “Of course you would. You’re a nerd. Anyway, thanks. If you want in return I’ll see what I can do about getting those annoying trade quotas lifted so your country can make more tech yourselves. I know you hate having to buy it off us all the time.”

“Thank you very much indeed! I’m so glad our countries have such peaceful relations, you know.”

“Well duh.” She poked him in the arm. “We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

“Yes, but I don’t just mean that,” he said, poking her in return. “I mean historically we’ve been peaceful too. Unlike Lê Chiến and Agreste, which might cause trouble for Kim and Adrien one day.”

“But they’re friends, aren’t they? Surely they can sort out whatever rift exists?”

“It might be complicated. If one ascends the throne sooner than the other, leading to one side being friendly while the other is still hostile, it might… well, it might turn into a mess. And I’m not sure Kim would be up for dealing with something like that.”

“That’s why he’s got you,” Alix said, grinning. “You can just advise him through whatever happens, right? It’ll be fine.”

“You seem to have a lot of faith that I’ll be able to fix things.”

“Pfff, it won’t be you who fixes things, it’ll be Kim and Adrien. You can just help, since you and Kim are so close.”

Max felt those longing pangs in his chest again. Yes… he and Kim were so close. Just not exactly in the way he hoped.

That reminded him, shouldn’t he use this as an opportunity to be Kim’s wingman? Perhaps properly getting Kim together with someone else would stop Max yearning after him so much.

“Anyway Alix,” he said, “speaking of futures… have you noticed there’s someone in this class who likes you?”

“Well I should certainly hope there are people who like me, I’m not that scary, am I?”

“I meant in a romantic sense.”

“Oh yeah, but trust me, that girl has someone else she’s crushing on way more than me, even I can tell–”

“And I don’t mean Juleka. I mean someone else.”

“Oh.” Alix frowned, tapping her sceptre thoughtfully. “Are you sure? Because I seriously doubt it.”

“I’m sure.”

“Jeez, it’s not you, is it?”

“Of course not,” Max said, chuckling. “I swear I’ve already told you I’m not into girls, other than friends or occasionally adoptive sisters.”

“Yeah, exactly. Who is it then?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Oh, okay then, whatever. So anyway – I don’t know what days you’re free for tutoring, I’ve got football on Fridays but other than that I could probably squeeze it in any time…”

She seemed oddly unconcerned. Did she seriously not care that someone liked her? And knowing that was the case, how had she not figured out it was Kim? Practically everyone in the class knew at this point! Either she was just oblivious to a ridiculous extent, or she knew and was pretending not to. Max wasn’t sure which, but he hoped he would find out soon.

The spring dance did turn out to be fairly boring. Every guest who entered the room had to be formally announced by name and title, leading to a long queue outside the door. The music that played was slow and dreary, and the only dancers were couples who had actually been trained in how to perform all these courtly dances – there was no improvising allowed here. Everyone who spoke to each other was being as formal as possible, with curtseying and bowing and addressing people by their full titles, even though usually by this point in the year most of the students hardly ever bothered with such formalities.

Max had insisted on going to get drinks for his friends, leaving Kim and Alix alone before they could protest about it. Kim didn’t know what to do – he couldn’t make a move here, at this boring event, so what was even the point? He looked around, trying to think of something to talk about.

Juleka and Rose were over there, just coming off the dance floor where they had been waltzing together. Evidently both of them must have been taught how to dance at some point in their lives. Neither of them had let go of the other’s hand yet…

“Hey Alix,” Kim said, “just wondering, but is Juleka the chick who asked you out to the autumn ball ages ago?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” she replied. “I’m not spilling anyone’s secrets.”

“I bet it was her. Is it like… common for girls to be into other girls? Before I got to this school I didn’t even know it was a thing.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty common,” Alix said, shrugging. “Being a lesbian or bi or whatever, it’s fine. It’s normal. So is guys who like guys, for that matter. I don’t know why other kingdoms don’t talk about it so much. Probably confuses the heck out of the not-straight part of the population.”

“Yeah, it does,” Kim muttered. “I actually… uh… well, at the winter party I kissed Adrien and got pretty confused because I didn’t realize I liked him. I didn’t even realize it was possible. But yeah, I guess I’m into guys too.”

“Good for you.”

“What does that make me? Does it have a name?”

“Um, I guess it just means you’re bisexual? I don’t know, dude, do some research or something, I can’t say what you are for you.”

Bisexual. Huh. Maybe it would be a good idea to research that at some point. There had to be books in the library about it, right? Or maybe he could ask Max. Max would know everything.

“So, um…” Kim wasn’t sure if he should ask or not, but he was curious. “Are you like… into girls? Just out of interest?”

Alix hesitated long enough for Kim to notice.

“Well no, but…”

“But what?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

It certainly wasn’t nothing, that was for sure, but he didn’t ask anymore. Maybe she just didn’t know or something. Anyway, there was something else he wanted to know more. He walked over to Juleka and Rose.

“Hey Juleka, are you the one who asked out Alix ages ago?”

Juleka looked down, shuffling her feet nervously, mumbling something about it having been practise and that she didn’t really mean it.

“Oh, so are you and Rose sweethearts now?” he asked her, looking between them, since they were still holding hands. Juleka shrugged and mumbled something else, her face going as pink as Rose’s dress.

“Prince Kim,” Rose said, frowning, “you really shouldn’t put poor Juleka on the spot like that, especially not in public! You’re lucky I don’t mind either way, but what if I did? Not everyone is so accepting of things like this! Or what if it embarrasses poor Juleka? Or if she doesn’t want to talk about it? You really ought to think a little before you speak, young man!”

“Sorry,” Kim muttered, wanting to kick himself for being so reckless. He thought he had been getting that under control lately!

“Rose!” Juleka said suddenly, her face even pinker, taking Rose’s other hand into hers as well. “What do you mean by saying you don’t mind either way?”

“Oh, my sweet Juleka! I meant I don’t mind if you think of me as a friend or a sweetheart… I think you’re wonderful either way.”

“But Rose, what about your servant boy Ali from back in Lavillant?”

“I barely even know him! But I know you so well now, you’re my best friend after all!”

Juleka shut her eyes tightly and quickly said, “Princess Rose, will you be my sweetheart?”

“Of course I will! Juleka, you’re so cute, if we weren’t at a formal dance right now I would hug you so hard–”

“Oh Rose, you’re… you’re awesome…”

Grinning, Kim swaggered back over to where Alix was standing, watching with a somewhat amused expression on her face.

“I’m the best matchmaker ever,” Kim boasted. “I just got Juleka and Rose together.”

“It was only a matter of time, Kim,” Alix said, trying not to laugh.

“Oh come on, give me a little credit?”

“Nope, those two were literally on the verge of getting together already, even I noticed it, and I never notice stuff like that!”

Kim laughed, but then realized what that meant. If she never noticed stuff like that, well, she would never notice he liked her unless he made it obvious. But every time he considered it, Chloé’s rejection came to mind and… no. It was too nerve-wracking. Maybe he would do it some other day, just not today.

[lilacmycup]

The life of Niki Marq

scripting # 1

I sat on the worn-out couch in the green room, on my phone mostly. Maggie walked in with a whole box of bottled water.

‘Oh my, mama Mags, please let me help with that.’ I said running over to her. She looked over smiling, with a sparkle in her eye. She sighed. ‘Nervous?’ I asked dropping the box on the table against the wall. ‘Well, yeah. Even after hundreds of shows and sets they’ve done.’ she sighed again. ‘Billie’s ankle isn’t even fully recovered, and I know that she’s not going to perform without giving it her all.’ 

‘Mama Mags, don’t worry. Bil will be ok.’ I assured putting my arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against me, thanking me. 

I hear a bunch of people conversing in a distance. It must be them. I thought. As the small crowd emerged, a distinctive laugh proved that it was Billie.

‘NIKI, YOU’RE HERE ALREADY?’ screamed Billie as she walked through the door. Finneas and Claudia followed behind her. ‘BIL!’ I ran over to give her a huge hug. She hugged me tightly. ‘THAT COUCH LOOKS FUCKING WHAAACK.’ She laughed out loud. It's true, it’s so goddamn stained.

‘You guys ready?’ asked Billie. ‘Yewww, duh.’ I replied. we walked her to her position before she had to head out. Finneas peaked out of the curtains and some fans spotted him and the crowd went wild. Finneas continued to check up on his guitar waiting for his queue. Claudia and I gave Finneas and Billie each a hug before we headed down in front of the stage, the gap between the crowd and the stage. Making sure my camera settings were all ready to go. I strapped it around my neck and walked towards the middle of the stage, where Billie’s first position would be.

My heart still races before their show starts, even though I’ve been doing this for months now. To think that a while ago, I was that girl in the crowd with the space buns being crushed at Billie’s show. TODAY, the same I work with Billie, I am her friend and I go everywhere with her. ‘Nik, grateful for you.’ she said to me once. That was when I knew that all this time of worrying about my future was worth it. I earned myself an amazing friend and learned what it truly means to be content with having the right group of people in my life. I felt that in Sydney as well, but this felt even more real, because I knew that I don’t have a deadline like I did when I studied in Sydney. I didn’t have to say goodbye. I feel utter gratefulness and pure joy. This is my life now.