#I promise I'm working on replys.

[copper-skulls]

silkie chicken!!? for a weirder favorite animal

strange beast (affectionate)

[meimi-haneoka]

There's someone who's searching through my entire repertoire of posts of the last 6 years and liking (almost) all of them, lol

That's an honor and I bow down to your courage 🙇🏻‍♀️

There's no other site where you can get this experience, guaranteed 💯

[ziskandra]

downside to having written so much smut on my phone during breaks in the meal room of my old workplace is that sometimes when i'm rereading my old fanfics i'll get sudden flashbacks of what it was like to be employed there

[townofcadence]

If you're waiting for a reply from me, I'm really sorry for the wait! I have most of them written in drafts, but I'm holding on to all of them except the resonance thread (Resi is a fickle muse sometimes and I don't want to lose him while he's working with me) because I'm trying to get some artwork done for commissions and gifts!! I plan to release threads come Friday, but i really appreciate the patience! ^^

[amethystina]

Hey! Just wanted to tell you how deeply in love I am with Who Holds the Devil. This is a stunning story, it's so in character and so realistic, it's really like S2 that you chose to bless us with. Of course I love the show's ending, but it leaves so much up in the air that seeing it explored in such meticulous detail is a blessing! Wishing you all the inspiration and joy. When they FINALLY kiss, I'm going to lose my mind, lol.

Hi! Thank you so much! 💜

I feel you on the ending of the drama. I think it was a pretty satisfying ending considering everything that had happened, but it's true that it left a lot unsaid, unresolved, and unexplored. And so, unsurprisingly, my first thought was that I wanted to know what happened next. But I also soon realised that the only way I would get it exactly the way I wanted was to write it myself, so here we are.

Tale as old as time xD

I didn't set out to write what is essentially turning out to be a second season, though, (my timeline for the first draft was very contained and to the point!) but as I started writing I just couldn't help going deeper and deeper, adding more and more details. I guess because the characters are just that interesting? And there's just so much potential? And so much to explore? Every character has so much room to grow!

How could I possibly cut any of that out?

So yeah. I just can't help myself. And I'm so happy to hear that the characters feel accurate and realistic! I think that's probably one of my trademarks by now — I make a sport out of trying to capture the characters' personalities as well as possible. And so it's very satisfying to hear that I've managed! Thank you!

As for when they finally kiss, I'm probably going to have a mental breakdown when we reach that point, simply due to the pressure I'll be under. What if I don't deliver? What if it's not what everyone is hoping it'll be? I'll never be able to forgive myself if the kiss ends up being underwhelming after such a long wait x'D

Like, I know exactly how and when it'll happen (not when as in which chapter but at which stage in the story) but I also have to write it well. At that point, I will have put you all through such a long, drawn-out slow burn that the stakes will be incredibly high. And I am terrified of disappointing you.

But, that said, I'm too stubborn (and too fond of this story) to let that stop me. So we'll get there eventually! And I hope you will enjoy it when we do! And that the road there will be just as enjoyable as it has been so far!

Thank you so much for the kind words 💜

[kkoct-ik]

hi. i really like your sou analysis post about did. the part about repressing and escaping the weak parts of oneself, and proceeding to create a new self as a tool of survival stuck with me. can DID work this way? i have only seen people talking about it like it's kinning 2.0 but i really relate to sou's survival tactics. if they can be called that. in the sense that he really believed he had to discard himself, created a new self, adopted it as an identity, and when called out he began lashing and breaking down, creating YET ANOTHER self that is aggressive detached and confident to further protect himself from the situation, and so on. sorry if this is a weird message, your post felt like a lifeline to me. i want to know more about this, but i dont know where to start looking.

hi!

i wouldn't say this is an experience exclusive to DID – sou having BPD (for example) is a popular parallel headcanon because it's also possible to read his identity issues and dissociative symptoms as part of a borderline presentation. there's always a lot of labels that you could feasibly apply to one character depending on how you interpret them and what parts of their character speak to you most – not to mention how a lot of disorders have shared symptoms. DID just happens to be how i see sou because i interpret his experiences through the lens of my own and my disorder, and also project a little. it's fun.

that said i do consider identity compartmentalisation, dissociation, & rejection (ie. drawing a line around a part of yourself, feeling like it's not you, and claiming it's not you [being something else]) a fundamental part of DID. i do have friends who experience this combination of symptoms who have complex PTSD and/or borderline with dissociative features, since these disorders in particular exist on a spectrum with DID (read: structural dissociation in the Haunted Self), but it's also something i consider to be a core part of how DID alters experience the world and develop themselves. so yeah, DID can work this way. i also have my gripes with how the interpret misrepresents DID as a game of characters and not as a disability of trauma, inner conflict, lack of self, and the like.

i have a (very) work in progress website where i've collected all my personal favourite literature and websites that have helped me manage and understand my dissociative / posttraumatic / emotional dysregulation symptoms. hopefully that can be of some help? i generally discourage trying to seek answers through diagnostic labels – humans are more complex than diagnostic categories – but i hope you can find something there that feels like it resonates and can help point you towards how to overcome or live with your symptoms.

on a nicer note im very glad that my way of interpreting his character spoke to you! it makes me really happy whenever how i talk about my experiences connects with others – it makes me feel like less of a freak, and also makes me feel like i'm doing some good.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 733: Sugimoto vs Danchiku

Pag 1

1: By the way, Sugimoto-san, what about your “special technique”?

2: … ah

3: My self-awareness isn't that low that I didn't come prepared!!

Pag 3

2: Huh!?

3: He.... has it? A “special technique”!?

4: Sugimoto!!

5: I'll tell you one more time.... one more time

Pag 4

1: Come at me!!

Danchiku Ryuuhou!!

2: Go, Danchiku!!

4: Garu-

Pag 5

1: Bamboo Hop Shot!!

Garuaaa

Pag 6

4: He caught up in an instant!!

5: Nice, Danchiku

Pag 7

1: Keep going like this, pass him and tear him off!!

2: Sorry, Sugimoto-san, but!!

Please let me pass you, garuaa!!

3: I won't let you

4: do that, Danchiku!!

Pag 8

3: Damn!! Haha in such a crucial moment!! All these trees block the view and we can't see!!

Hahah!!

4: What happened to those two, teh...

It looked like Danchiku-san caught up to him in one go and passed him ,but

Pag 9

1: Sugimoto!!

2: Sugimoto!!

3: Don't worry, first years!! Once we pass these trees we should see that Danchiku tore Sugimoto-san off and opened a distance of 100... no, 200m

Teh!!

4: He'll be riding in the lead!!

5: Ah, right, that's true

6: There's something I heard from the senpais.... until now, Sugimoto-san never stood out in races or got any good result... he even retired sometimes...

7: On the other hand, last year during the Minegayama Hill-climb race, Danchiku-san fought against a guy from Hakone Academy who had participated in the Inter High

8: And he won!!

Teh!?

The difference in their strengths has always been....

Pag 10

1: clear...

Huh!?

Pag 11

1: They're neck and neck!!

2: Sugimoto-san!!

5: He's following!! Woah

He's working hard to stay lined up to him, teh, Sugimoto-san!! Huh!?

Pag 12

2: Haha, what are you doing, Danchiku!!

You have to pedal seriously!!

3: …. I was pedaling seriously....

6: When we passed the curve with the thick trees, I bent my frame with all my might

Pag 13

1: We hit each other's shoulders, and I thought he would falter

2: Then I kept accelerating like that and thought I could leave him behind

3:  But this guy

4: didn't fall behind!!

5: Moreover.... usually, when you're chasing an opponent, you stay behind them

You use your opponent against the wind... but this guy.... when accelerating now

Pag 14

1: He lined up next to me!!

As if he just wanted to prove that we're “equal”!!

2: Knowing that he's wasting his stamina!!

4: Of course, the second year is doing his best

So I, as a third year.... in this race

5: I'll let him practice against someone more experienced than him!!

Pag 15

3: Issa.... I...

Calm down, Danchiku!!

4: You're stronger than him!!

You're stronger!! It's alright, he justhappened to be able to follow you with his eyes in this first attack, that's it

5: Attack over and over again and you'll tear him off!!

This guy can't keep up with you so many times!!

6: Kaburagi-san... incredible.... teh

Yeah.... even though Sugimoto-san is right next to him, he's dissing him to his face....

7: Don't falter, have confidence, Danchiku

Yeah!!

8: Sugimoto-san!! For now, how about we say you race until that line over there?

The sun will set soon

This lap will be like...

Pag 16

1: “500km” for each other!!

5: A “special technique”, in other words, it's the momentary activation of you own's “field of expertise”

6: Understanding your own “field of expertise” polishing it up, consciously controlling and, it in time of need – that specialty...

Pag 17

1: letting it explode

-go!!

2: But that's not something everyone can do

3: And it's especially troublesome when you can't find your own “special technique”

4: Or it could be that for most people, they don't know what they excel in, what their specialty is

5: And in that moment, they have no choice but spend time looking for it

Pag 18

1: Using their intelligence and body, facing themselves and trying out

Over and over again

2: Only in the midst of “failure” you can find it

3: “Failure”, huh

4: Then, about that

Pag 19

1: you might be the most experiecned among us!!

Pag 20

1: Dammitl, he caught up again!!

2: What's this guy's deal...

Even though he's so out of breath!!

3: Danchiku!!

4: Back... back in the day....

5: Here is Sohoku there was a person called Tadokoro-san

His body was so huge... and he always thought of his kouhai

Pag 21

1: He said that in order to be fast, “oxygen” was important

So

2: I practiced runnin whil taking in oxygen a lot

3: And there was a person called Kinjou-san, and he was very skillful in controlling the bike, so I practiced imitating his bike control

5: It was all a failure, but, but, Danchiku- have you ever heard these words?

6: In road racing the most important things are “practice” and

Pag 22

1: “Experience”!!

6: Sugimoto-san jumped ahead!! Chyase him!! Danchiku!!

[face-breaker]

sleepovers at @tamedgod's are fun

[byanyan]

finally going through my likes to collect all the asks i've wanted to reply to since fucking april to add them into my drafts

i'm. i'm trying to at least start getting my shit together here. i've felt the strong urge to give writing a shot since yesterday, so. i'm gonna see about potentially doing some tonight? maybe?? still teetering on the edge of falling into Bad Thoughts when i let my mind wander too far, so idk how long the attempt will last or if it'll be successful, but.

[doefated]

WHEEZES FINALLY FINISHED CHAPTER 1 OF MY PPT FANFICTION AND I'M NOW MOVING ONTO CREATING BOTH CHAPTER TWO AND A GOODBYE VOLCANO HIGH FIC FOR JONATHAN

[murmurlilies]

if you ever sent me an ask and I never answered it I'M SO SORRY, I'll open my inbox to read any new asks I get and then close it fully intending to reply at a later time but once the notification is gone I just completely forget about them and if I let them sit for too long I get too embarrassed to answer and I delete them LOL,,,

[missmungoe]

just wondering if you're going to update "Put it on my tab"? its one of my favorites and I just hoe everyone flocks to makinos!!!! this is not me trying to pressure an update btw!! take all the time you want but im just wondering where on the update list it is if that makes sense? Have a lovely day and I love your work so much!!!❤❤❤❤

Hearing that it's one of your favourites made me so happy, I went and finished the draft for the next chapter, so it's actually next on my schedule! Hoping to update it this week if energy allows, but in the meantime, have a little snippet while I edit!

From chapter 2 of Put It on My Tab, aka the fic where a lot of people show up in Makino's bar. First up:

The bar was like he’d described it.

It’s not your usual watering hole, he’d said, his gaze drawn inwards, as though picturing it. They'd been drinking in the galley on Moby Dick, all of them gathered together; the noise level had almost drowned out his voice as he'd continued, It’s really tidy, and she keeps flowers in her windows. I used to think bars were supposed to be seedy, or at the very least a little dingy. All the ones I’d seen in Goa were, so I figured it was part of the gig, but hers was different.

He’d grinned; the one he reserved for the good things from his childhood, like his brothers, and the bandits who’d raised him, as Ace had told them, simply, She’s different.

I take it you’ve never dined and dashed from your tab there, Marco remembered saying.

He’d laughed at that. He could still recall the sound, and the way he’d throw his head back. Oyaji had once remarked that he’d never looked more like his father than when he laughed, but Marco had never told Ace that.

I’d like to meet the person who could, Ace had said.

Their whole crew had been listening now, Oyaji included, a focus that betrayed a curious amount of intrigue, given the topic of conversation, but it was Izo who'd asked, She's that scary?

Ace's grin had softened, something almost bashful in it, as though he was suddenly a much younger boy, even if Marco had often teased him that he was young. And he’d given them a clear picture of the island where he'd grown up, and its inhabitants, Dadan and her family, and the villagers, but here he’d shaken his head, as though this couldn’t be described. Instead, all he’d said was,

If you ever meet her, you’ll see what I mean.

[amethystina]

Hiiii🩷🩷 I have a question... does Yohan think that Gaon loves Soo Hyun in a romantic way😳? If so, oh boy thats a huge misunderstanding to clear. Also, thank you for the amazing update!!! I'm sure as hell sticking around on this journey to see these two work out their feelings!!

Hi there! 💜

Yes, he does. Because Yo Han's got no reason to believe otherwise, based on how Ga On is behaving. He can tell that Ga On is attracted to him, sure, but that's physical. And sexual and romantic attraction are two entirely different things. One doesn't guarantee the other and just because you feel one — or even both — you don't actually have to act on it.

I'm more or less writing Yo Han like a bisexual demiromantic, i.e. he's good at recognising sexual tension/attraction but he's not very experienced with love. He's never really been in love before because he's never allowed himself to get close enough to someone to actually fall in love. And when you combine this with his upbringing and lack of social interaction with other people? Love is probably pretty tricky for him.

Not in a "he doesn't feel it" way because he does — and he knows that he does — but he's not the best at reading it in other people. Not at all helped by how he just doesn't get the whole "love at first sight" thing (because, again, demiromantic), which has made him wonder if, just maybe, his concept of love is different from everyone else's. He knows what love means to him and he's seen other people be in love (like Isaac and his wife) but applying that to his and Ga On's relationship is very difficult for him, especially with Soo Hyun complicating things.

Like, if Yo Han tries to compare how Ga On behaved around/treated Soo Hyun (who he assumes Ga On was in love with) to how Ga On behaves around/treats Yo Han, he can see a lot of differences. And it's a problem when his method for figuring this whole situation out is: "That is how Kim Ga On behaves when he's in love and, if he doesn't, he's probably not in love with me." Because that misses the part where people don't always behave the exact same way when they're in love (because it can be influenced by who they're interested in) and, if anything, it should be the other way around.

At this point, it's probably better to look at how Ga On behaves around you, Yo Han, not Soo Hyun, if you want to figure out what he's like when he's in love x'D

... but he doesn't know that, of course.

So, in short: Yo Han knows that Ga On cares about him and he knows that Ga On is sexually attracted to him, but he has no way of knowing if Ga On is in love with him. Yo Han has too little experience with it to be able to gauge that.

But, at this point? He thinks that Ga On is just too in love with Soo Hyun to ever love him (which is what this post was about)

And, in a very heartbreaking way, he's kind of grateful that Ga On made it clear he's not going to act on what's between them because Yo Han assumes it's only sexual attraction and some confused fondness on Ga On's end anyway. And Yo Han would just... rather not if that's all Ga On can give him. Because, for once, he doesn't just want sex — he wants love, too.

... this man is, once again, a goddamn onion.

(and will make you cry just as much as one)

And, for my own sake, I'm going to have to make a detour and write Yo Han's POV of what happens after he's gone into his bedroom because I SWEAR THE FUCKING BASTARD WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. There is SO MUCH GOING ON in his head and snippets keep inconveniently popping up at irregular intervals, distracting me. And as soon as I push one aside, the next one pops up.

It's like a never-ending game of angsty Whac-A-Mole.

Someone save me.

ANYWAY. I'm glad you liked the update! And thank you so much for wanting to stick around 💜 I was genuinely worried about how you all would react to this chapter. Like, who's insane enough to throw in a rejection 400k into a story? People have probably gotten chased down with pitchforks for less.

So thank you for the trust, support, and dedication — it means a lot to me 💜

[ednaeflowers]

sorry for the radio silence ! am exhausted

[coollyinterferes]

"Back by unpopular demand:"

"Us!"

[belacoded]

.