#I picked out 30 moments to gif from this episode???

[lilcathsmith]

Crime Show Meme - CSI insp. [1/10 episodes]

"Concentrate on what cannot lie. The evidence." - Pilot (Season 1 Episode 1, 6th October 2000)

[bqstqnbruin]

The Party's Over, Go Home

Hello hello here I am with my fic for @wyattjohnston's winter fic exchange!

I had the pleasure of writing for @sc0tters I hope you like it!

Shoutout to @kat-hearts @matthewtkachuk and @raysofcrosby for reading through this and getting mad at me :)

This is inspired by Intrusive Thoughts by Natalie Jane, Deserve by Jake Clark, and the Gilmore Girl's episode from season 5 called The Party's Over

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, family financial issues, this is angst, the spacebar on my computer is starting to break so typos (I tried)

WC: 11k

__________________________________

“We should do something tonight.”

“I was going to go to bed early, actually.”

“You do that every night.”

“What, are you stalking me now?”

“No,” Kendyl draws out. “You stop texting me by like, 8:30 every night. Your phone is on do not disturb half an hour later. Either you’re asleep early, or you’re ignoring everyone by then.”

Ellie narrows her eyes at her coworker. They still weren’t close enough that she felt she could comfortably hang out with the people she worked with outside of the workday. She had only been at her new job for a month, still getting the hang of things, trying to get to know people and figure everything out. Spending time outside her apartment with people who were practically strangers when she could be in her warm bed with her flannel sheets that she loved more than anything on this planet? “I don’t like that you picked up on that.” 

“Well, too bad,” Kendyl says, sitting down on Ellie’s desk. “A bunch of us are going out tonight, so why not?” Ellie hesitates to answer. “If it sucks, you can go home at ten. You’ll be in bed by 10:30, two hours later than normal. And it’s Friday, we don’t have work tomorrow for you to use that as an excuse as to why you have to get up early, and you already told me that the only thing you planned on doing this weekend was laundry and cleaning.”

Ellie let out a long sigh. Maybe Kendyl did know her well enough to be able to call her out on her shit already. “God.”

“I don’t know if you’re religious or not to know if that’s a yes.”

“Fine,” she says, shuddering at Kendyl’s squeal of excitement. “But you’re buying at least one round and I get to leave at 9:30 if I want to.” 

“Deal.” 

Ellie’s day was full of dread, from spending the rest of work distracted about having to go out with seemingly everyone at her job, so the stress involved with getting ready and trying to look like someone who was actually 24, not the ‘1980’s power boss bitch without the hair and shoulder pads’ as Kendyl had described her multiple times, even down to walking to the bar that Kendyl had picked that felt way too conveniently down the street from her apartment. 

“I’m surprised you even had someone convince you to go out,” her younger brother, Alex, says on the other end of their phone call. As soon as he saw Ellie leaving her apartment on Find My Friends, he called her panicked that something was wrong. “You never went out in college. I had to beg you to go to that one party the time I visited you.”

“That’s because you were still seventeen and Mom would have killed me if she found out you went.”

“She knew I was going to try anyway.”

“I’m going out because I was promised free drinks and the prospect of going home early if I want to. It’s not like I’m being forced to go out against my will.” 

“I promised you free drinks.” 

“Alexander.”

“Eleanor. Just be safe, ok? Let me know when you get home.”

“You sound like Mom.”

“If I were Mom, I would be yelling at you for not wearing a jacket.”

“How do you know I’m not wearing a jacket?”

“You never wear a jacket. Mom has been yelling at you about that since you were five.” 

Ellie lets out a laugh, a sudden chill coursing through her when she realizes she can see her breath. “How is Mom, have you checked in on her?’

“Yes, Ellie.”

“In person?”

“Yes, Ellie. She’s good. At least, she says she is.” 

The two of them stay on the phone in silence for a moment, knowing what he really means. Ellie and Alex hated the topic of how their mom was doing, but if they didn’t talk about it with each other, who else did they have? Their mom and Alex still live in the same area even if Alex was away at college and living in a dorm rather than with her. Ellie was on the other side of the continent now, for a job that she barely had any friends at, in a city she still barely knew, surrounded by things she wasn’t used to. 

“Hey, I’m outside the bar now, I’ll talk to you later?” she ends the call, taking in one last deep breath before heading into what she was sure was going to be 

“You came!” Kendyl yells once Ellie finally manages to get into the bar. “Here’s the first drink.”

Before Ellie could even tell Kendyl she wasn’t ready yet to start drinking, the drink was pressed to her chest and nearly spilled down the front of her. Despite it being early enough in the night that no one should be drunk by now, Kendyl and the rest of her coworkers seemed to be well on their way with Ellie needing more drinks than she could count to catch up. 

The night goes by slowly, the drinks going away fast, and Ellie sitting in the corner while her coworkers, who are obviously close, talk about a bunch of inside jokes from before she was hired that Ellie was unable to participate in.

“Remember when he ordered the wrong cake?” Wesley slurs, punching Doug in the shoulder.

“I swear she told me to say, ‘Happy Retirement,’” Douglas defends himself.

“It was my 28th birthday, not my retirement?” Hazel says, everyone except Ellie bursting into a fit of laughter.

“What about when Sammy dialed 911 during the meeting?” Kendyl adds through wheezes, the remains of her drink nearly spilling on Ellie’s shirt, again.

“It fell out of my pocket and bounced weird!”

“How does a bouncing phone dial 911?”

“That’s the set up to a bad pick up line.”

“More like the setup to a story that makes no sense,” Ellie mutters, thankful that her coworker's howling laughter was too loud to hear her.

She gets up from the table, draining her drink on her way to the bar. It was only 9:15. She promised Kendyl 15 more minutes. The least she could do was down another drink in that time before pulling her classic Irish exit to go home and get in bed. 

“Rum and coke?” she asks once she gets up to the bar, the sticky wooden counter acting as anything but inviting for her to lean on. 

“Me, too, and put it on my tab,” someone says behind her, Ellie’s face immediately turning sour at the thought of some guy buying her a drink to probably get her to hook up with him.

“My friend is paying for it, actually,” she turns to him, surprised to find a seemingly innocent-looking guy around her age and not the middle-aged gross man she thought he would be. Anything was possible, and looks can be deceiving.

“Which friend, the one who almost spilled her drink on you or the one of the ones who have been ignoring you the entire night and letting you sit in silence while they have a good time around you?”

“I already don’t like you.” 

“My friends pointed you out and said you were me when they drag me out to bars.”

“So you’re the friend who they barely know and who they only invited out of pity?”

“That’s dark. But also, kinda hot,” he says, the pink rushing to his cheeks as he turns away out of embarrassment. “Sorry, um. I’m going to go sit down now.”

“You haven’t gotten your drink yet,” Ellie points out, his sudden bashfulness making Ellie soften for him. “I just moved here. I don’t really know any of them too well.”

“I know what that’s like,” he tells her, leaning against the bar. 

“You’re not from here, either?”

He shakes his head. “Born in Orlando, moved to Boston, then moved to Toronto, and kept going from there.” 

“That sounds unstable,” she says, passing one of the newly appeared glasses of alcohol to the guy in front of her.

He shrugs, lifting the drink to his lips. “Well, they say you are a product of your environment.” 

Ellie lets out a laugh, the first one that she had let out all night. “That’s dark. But also, kinda hot,” she repeats, the pink returning to his cheeks again.

“I’m never gonna live that down, am I?”

“Depends on how long we keep talking.”

“Hopefully it lasts past tonight.”

“It can’t if you don’t tell me your name. I’m Ellie.”

“I’m Quinn.”

Ellie loses count of how many drinks Quinn gets her, how long they’re talking, and when all of her coworkers leave the bar, not even telling her that they were leaving without her. 

She could feel the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her body, the bar getting busier the longer she and Quinn stood there. Someone shoves in between Ellie and whoever is behind her, pushing her into Quinn’s arms without her being able to catch her balance. His hand falls to the small of her back, spreading out to hold her steady. They stood there in silence, the rest of the bar a world away from them. 

“Are you ok?” Quinn whispers in her ear, his breath tickling her skin. 

Ellie stammers for a second, trying to process what just happened. The alcohol was making everything foggy, and the room starting to spin slightly around her as if Quinn was rocking her back and forth. “Um, I, yes?”

His eyes flickered down to her lips, the distance between them closing with each additional person, he was so close to kissing her. 

“I should go home,” Ellie says before he can, knowing that kissing him now would not be a good idea for either of them. 

His grip on her doesn’t relax, the disappointment Ellie expected to show up on his face not there at all. “I’m walking you home,” he tells her, slipping his hand into hers before she can protest. 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to.” 

The difference in temperature between the bar and outside hit Ellie faster than she could process it, her lack of jacket her brother had scolded her for earlier biting her in the ass harder than the cold was in the moment.

Ellie didn’t even process Quinn taking off his own coat, the one she didn’t even realize he had been wearing the entire time, and putting it around her shoulders before wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. 

She was on autopilot, unsure how she managed to navigate her way to her apartment when her mind was on Quinn’s body pressed against hers. She just met him. She didn’t know much about him. She didn’t even know what he did for work and only knew that he had two brothers who lived in New Jersey even though that wasn’t one of the places that he mentioned living before. 

“Here,” Ellie barely gets out, surprised with herself for managing to get back to the right place. 

“Do you want me to walk you to your door?” Quinn asks, shoving his hands in his pockets when he finally lets go of her. 

“No, it’s fine.” 

Ellie goes to take off the jacket and give it back to him, the warmth something her drunk self quickly realized she was going to miss. “No, keep it. It looks better on you anyway,” Quinn tells her, pulling his things out of his pockets before turning away to head off.

She stands there for a few seconds, trying to process what had happened that night. 

“Wait, no,” Quinn says, appearing again in front of her. “I can’t leave without getting your number first.” 

“I couldn’t even tell you what my number is right now,” she admits, handing him her phone instead.

Quinn laughs, putting his number in. “I want to see you again, Ellie.”

She smirks at him. “We’ll see, Quinn.” 

___________________

“What do you mean you’re not bringing anyone?”

“No one said I had to bring anyone.” 

“Everyone brings someone. You have to bring a date to the holiday party.”

“Then why was one of the options on the RSVP ‘no’ to the question ‘will a guest be accompanying you?’”

Kendyl whines, earning a cringy look from Ellie. “You have no one you can bring?” 

Ellie rolls her eyes, leaning back in her desk chair. “Let’s see, I’ve been here for like, what, two months? I knew no one when I got here, I hate going out and don’t have anywhere to meet anyone, and somehow none of you here know anyone either. Who would I bring?”

“What about that guy you met at the bar that one time? I see his name popping up on your phone all the time.”

Ellie snatches her phone from her desk and holds it against her chest as Kendyl cranes her neck to see that her statement is actually fact, three messages from Quinn, a fourth appearing while they were talking. “You need to learn what a boundary is.”

“And you need to learn what the Focus feature is on your phone when you’re showing me things because his name always shows up.” 

She couldn’t invite Quinn to the party. She barely knew him, she couldn’t throw him into the party with a bunch of her coworkers who she also barely knew, putting her phone back on the desk without thinking. “He’s probably busy.”

Kendyl rolls her eyes, snatching Ellie’s phone from her desk before she can protest, fiddling with it while Ellie tries to process what could possibly be happening in front of her. “He’s not.”

“What?”

“He’s not busy.” 

“Ken, what did you do?” Kendyl hands Ellie back her phone, a quick conversation with Quinn on her screen, ‘Ellie’ asks him what he was doing the night of the holiday party and he immediately answers that he is free. “Why are you like this?” 

Kendyl shrugs, slowly backing away from Ellie’s desk. “You had fun talking to him at the bar, enough fun that he responded to you within seconds of being asked if he was free.” 

Ellie looks back at her phone as Kendyl finally leaves her alone. The whole idea of having to bring a date seemed archaic in a way that Ellie couldn’t quite put her finger on. Why did she have to bring someone she barely knew to a party with more people she barely knew?

But she really did know Quinn better than she was letting on. She still didn’t know what he did with his life, him weirdly making her promise not to look him up, which made Ellie immediately question if he was a serial killer. He wasn’t, allegedly, but that still didn’t make sense. 

She knew that he was from the States, went to school there until he left early for whatever job he had. He has two younger brothers, and apparently is known amongst his friends for looking like he was having a nonstop existential crisis, while also being nicknamed ‘Huggy Bear.’ She also knew that he was sweet, and listened to her when she went off on a tangent about something, him following right along and matching the energy she had. She knew that she wanted to see him again every night since she had met him that first time, and that he wanted the same thing.

His name came up on her phone, a call from him. “Hi, sorry, it’s easier to talk than text right now.”

“Why are you out of breath?”

“Workout.” Must be nice to have a job where he can just go and work out in the middle of the day, Ellie thinks to herself. “So, the 18th?”

“Yeah,” Ellie lets out, suddenly nervous. It felt like she was asking him for something much more serious than just going with her to an office party. “It’s the holiday party for my company, and apparently everyone needs to bring a date.”

“And you want me to find you one?”

Ellie’s jaw drops at his comment. “No, idiot, I wanted to bring you.” 

“Oh, thank god. I was running through my friends who would go and none of them are good enough for you.”

Ellie could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks at his comment. Did he consider this a date? Was it a date? Was it bad if she considered it a date and he didn’t? What if he didn’t? Why was her mind running at a mile a minute while Quinn was there on the other end of her phone waiting for her to say something else? “So that’s a yes?”

“Of course, it’s a yes. It’s one of the few nights I have off, I want to spend it with you.”

The next days went by in a blur, Ellie freaking out over everything from what she was going to wear, texting and calling Quinn even more, wishing that they could see each other sooner.

“It’s not obsessive, is it?” she asks Kendyl, staring at herself in the mirror. Kendyl insisted on coming over to Ellie’s place to get ready, telling her that her roommate had their partner over that night and the last thing she needed to do was try to use the bathroom to get rid when they had a habit of taking it over for more than a few hours.

“No, El, you just like him. I think it becomes obsessive when you start to stalk him and you show up to where he works unprovoked.” 

“Why do you say that like you’ve either done that or you’ve had that happen to you?”

“I’ll let you decide which one is better. What time is Quinn coming?”

“He’s supposed to get here in ten minutes.” 

“Just breathe, El. You’re going to have fun.” Kendyl left her to finish getting herself ready, her date already waiting outside to take her to the party. They could have all gone together, as pointed out by Kendyl, but it was better to not throw Quinn directly into the fire that was her closest coworker. 

Ellie’s phone starts ringing, not checking but expecting it to be Quinn calling to tell her he was early. She pops out of her seat to head to the door, picking up the phone and answering with an excited “Hi!”

“Eleanor?” 

Ellie stops in her tracks, her mom’s voice coming over her phone speaker. “Mom?”

“Sweetie, can you do me a favor?” 

Ellie felt her heart drop to her stomach, already knowing what her mom was going to ask her. It was the same thing that her mom always asked since she first got a job when she was in high school, every time she answered the phone while she was getting her degree, no matter where Ellie was in her life, it was never a call that a mother should have to make to one of her children this often. “Mom,” she lets out, knowing that she couldn’t say no.

“Please, Eleanor. I need the money. I, I-” 

“Mom, you promised,” Ellie cuts her off, not wanting to hear anymore even though she knew her mom would keep going.

“I thought I would get a raise before they sent the eviction notice this time.”

“Mom,” Ellie says, more exasperated this time. “You have to stop doing this. You do this to me every time.” 

“Alexander can’t help this time.”

Ellie heard a knock at her door, not even processing the fact that she should be looking through the peephole to make sure it wasn’t a murderer, opening it, and letting whoever it was in. Thankfully, it was Quinn, waving him in and motioning to give her a moment.

“Alex is still in college, already struggling because you’re no help. He shouldn’t have to give you anything in the first place.”

Quinn stands there, clearly uneasy at listening to only Ellie’s end of the conversation but following Ellie into her room regardless. He stands in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed while he watches Ellie continue to get ready. 

“But you said last time that I couldn’t ask you again.”

“I didn’t mean for you to ask my little brother.”

“Eleanor, please. He’ll have nowhere to come home to. I’ll have nowhere to go home to.”

“What happened to everything you had last time I asked you?”

“It went towards all of the other bills, I promise. I’ll send you every confirmation for every bill I have.” 

“You’re not lying to me this time?”

“I’m not, I swear!”

“How many months did Alex cover?”

“Only half of one month.”

“How many months are you behind?”

“I swear I used everything I had to pay-”

“Mom, how many months are you behind?” Ellie knew she was raising her voice, forgetting that Quinn was even behind her. She stopped putting her makeup on at this point, knowing that the tears that were about to fall were going to ruin what she had already on, anyway. 

“Four.”

“Fuck, Mom.”

“Please?” her mom’s voice comes through, small and on the brink of breaking. “I know I’m still paying you back from last time. But what else am I supposed to do?’

“I’m sending it now,” she tells her, hanging up before her mother could say anything else. Ellie forgot Quinn was standing there in her doorway, putting her phone down on her vanity and putting her face in her hands. This couldn’t be happening again. Not again.

Quinn clears his throat, causing Ellie to jump. “Should I go?” he asks, creeping into her room.

Ellie wipes the tears from her cheeks, cursing herself mentally for now having to redo the makeup she already took too long to do the first time. “Uh,” she stammers, “No, no. I’ll be ready in a second.”

“Ellie,” Quinn kneels on the floor next to her, gently placing his hand on her thigh. “We don’t have to go to this.” 

“No, it’s fine, I’m fine.”

“El.” 

Ellie finally turned to him, the genuine concern on his face causing her to burst into tears. He reached up and pulled her close to him, his one hand on her back, the other holding her head on his shoulder, letting her cry on his white shirt. She hears him let out a quiet shushing noise, trying to comfort her in the way she had needed for so long. She cried for so long that she didn’t know how much time passed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers when she finally stops crying, not moving from their position. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She never told anyone about the stuff with her mom. Ellie had been holding it in for years, going from friend to friend, place to place, never letting this out with anyone who wasn’t her younger brother, the one person who would understand and who she knew also understood what it was like. 

But there was something about Quinn. She thought she could trust him, for whatever reason. She never told her ex-boyfriends in college or high school, despite the fact that this had been going on since then. 

Ellie takes in a deep breath. “The only people who know this are me, my mom, and my brother, do you understand?” she asks him, watching him nod. “It started, I think, when my dad left. I was probably 10? Alex was 6, maybe?  I don’t even remember, honestly. This probably started before Dad left, Alex and I think it’s why he left. But our mother is absolutely shit when it comes to money. Like, put us in debt every few months that then somehow fell to us as her children to bail her out.” 

“God,” Quinn lets out, Ellie continuing over him.

“I think we realized it was getting bad when she told us we were moving somewhere smaller right before I was starting high school, out of the blue, when we had already moved to ‘somewhere smaller’ three times in four years. Normally she said she had been planning it because we, of course, needed somewhere to live, and she didn’t like where we were, but that was weird. I didn’t realize it was because we had been evicted every single time until I found the seven eviction notices my second year of high school from the last three times and a notice that we were getting evicted that year, too.”

“Ellie, I’m so sorry,” he tells her, pulling her back in for a hug. 

She sighed, knowing that there was nothing more he could say. “At this point it’s normal, it’s just still frustrating when she tells me and Alex that she’s fine and that she has the money for everything, and then out of nowhere, tells us she hasn’t paid the rent for her current place in four months. Like, do you know what it’s like to have your mother owe you nearly a hundred thousand dollars because of how much she keeps needing?”

“I can’t even imagine.” The two of them sit in silence for a moment, neither of them sure what to do next. 

“I’m glad you can’t. It fucking sucks,” she says, turning back to her vanity mirror. “God, I don’t even want to go to this stupid party anymore.” 

“Hey, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to. We can stay here, we can go to my place, we can go somewhere else, we can do anything.”

“We?”

“I don’t want to leave you, Ellie. I came tonight because I wanted to spend time with you,” Quinn tells her, taking her hand in his. “If you’ll let me, I’ll take you wherever you want.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“Ellie, I want to be with you.” 

___________________

“Kendyl, I told you, I’m hanging out with Quinn and the rest of the guys tonight.” 

“Can I please come?”

“Absolutely not.” 

“But you’re dating the captain of the fucking Vancouver Canucks. You have to bring your best friend along with you.” 

“Alexander can’t come tonight either.”

“Ok, rude.”

Ellie was already nervous about meeting Quinn's teammates. It had taken a while for her to wrap her head around that he was not only a hockey player, but a professional one, and the actual captain of the team. Honestly, she didn’t see it coming. She had heard so much about Elias and Brock that she felt like she knew them at this point. She hadn’t even met them. As close as she had gotten to Kendyl in the last six months she spent at her job, and as much time as they spent together outside of work when she wasn’t with Quinn, she didn’t need Kendyl mixed into the group. 

“Let me meet them first, then we can talk about you meeting them, ok?” she tries to assure her, hearing a knock at her door. “I’ve gotta go, Quinn is here.”

She hangs up on Kendyl before she can protest, slightly worried that she would use the ‘Find my friends’ feature to just stalk the house they were going to and end up on the doorstep uninvited. 

“Hi,” she opens the door, stopping for a second to take him in. God, she hated how hard she fell for him in a short amount of time. He was perfect to her at that moment. 

He pulled her in for a kiss, one that made her wish they were staying in rather than heading to spend time with his friends. “Hi,” he whispers, kissing her again before pulling away. “You look amazing, as always.”

“I’m wearing jeans and a sweater,” she counters.

“And?” He could say anything to her with that stupid smile on his face and make her swoon. “Ready?”

They head out to his car, Ellie’s heart racing as they get closer and closer to Thatcher’s house. She wasn’t great with meeting large groups of people all at once, despite being in a new school nearly every year of her awkward teenage years and being forced to interact with new people every time. 

“Hey,” Quinn says, resting his hand on her thigh as he drives down the highway, giving her a gentle squeeze to try to calm her down. “You’re going to like the guys. And they’re going to love you.”

“Yeah?” she says, her voice shaking slightly. 

“How could they not?” he asks, taking her hand and bringing to his lips, his eyes glued to the road in front of them so he couldn’t see her melting at his words and his touch. “You’ll get along great with Elias.”

“He’s the one from Sweden?”

“Yeah,” Quinn tells her, pulling into the driveway of a house so massive Ellie wasn’t sure people could actually live in it. It was certainly bigger than anything she could have ever dreamed of being near, let alone being invited to. “He’s got kind of a dry humor. You’ll like him.”

Ellie takes in a deep breath, feeling incredibly inadequate just getting out of his car and standing on the pavement of a place like Thatcher’s house. Maybe she should have invited Kendyl. 

Quinn takes her hand, pulling her along to the door when everything inside her was telling her to turn around and just run. There was no way she was good enough to be in this house, not with everything in her life, not when Quinn and his teammates had everything they could possibly want at the tips of their fingers. 

He stops at the door, pulling her close to him, dropping her hand, and cupping her face to kiss her again, calming her immediately. “Hi,” he breathes when he pulls away.

“Hi again. What was that for?” she asked, his hands slipping down to her waist, sending a shiver through her entire body as he traced her sides. 

“I’m going to want to do that so many times tonight, but I know the guys will tease us for it. I’ve gotta do what I can now.” 

That shouldn’t have made her feel the way it did. He could say or do anything at this point and she would melt. 

They go inside, the house loud and full of people despite Quinn telling her that it was just supposed to be a ‘small get-together.’ Everything in the house looked expensive, Ellie’s anxiety immediately spiking. She followed Quinn blindly through the house, all of his teammates talking to him and him introducing her to all of them while she stood there nearly mute over the sheer stimulus overload that was all around her. She barely noticed the drinks that found their way in hers and Quinn's hands, drinking once she saw Quinn drinking it, as well. 

“Elias is right over here,” he whispers in her ear, his hand still in hers and giving her a reassuring squeeze as he leads her off into one of the side rooms. The room was quieter, the lights dimmer, and had a lot less people than any of the other rooms. 

“You got here half an hour ago and you’re just making it in here?” one of the guys asks as she and Quinn sit next to each other on the couch. “Ellie, you have to get him to go faster through the greetings next time. I cannot be left alone with Brock for this long.”

She looks at Quinn, confused as to how they already know her name. 

“You know I have to say hi to everyone, I’m captain.”

“As captain, you should be able to do one big greeting and let that be it so you can seclude yourself in a separate room where you don’t have to talk to everyone else,” one of the other guys said.

“Every time you talk, Brock, you add more to the long list of why you would make a horrible captain.”

“I would be a great captain.” 

“Elias, Brock, jeez.” 

“You know you can’t leave us alone for too long.” 

Ellie gets lost in their conversation, not even being able to contribute to what they were saying because their verbal sparring is so fast and so specific to their history with each other, she wouldn’t even know where to begin. Quinn puts his arm around her, pulling her closer to him by her waist. He looks at her while Brock and Elias continue bickering, smiling at her and giving her a soft kiss on her forehead. 

The guys interrupt them, jeering and teasing them to the point where Ellie has her face buried in Quinn’s shoulder, trying to hide from the embarrassment. “So, Ellie, what do you see in El Capitan here?” Brock asks, giving the most obnoxious facial expression possible.

“You do not have to answer that,” Elias tells her. “Brock has no idea how to interact with anyone, just ignore him.”

“That’s not true.” 

“You thought a good pick up line to use on a girl was ‘you dropped something, my jaw,’ the other night and then were shocked when she just turned and walked away,” Elias says, earning a laugh from Ellie and Quinn.

“You have definitely taken a girl out on a date and then talked about yourself the entire time,” Quinn adds, Brock shrinking further into his seat. 

“You look like the kind of guy that would go to a bookstore and pretend to look lost to see if a girl would talk to you,” Ellie adds, sending the guys into a frenzy. 

“He wouldn’t have to pretend to be lost,” Elias says, poking a pouting Brock in the leg. “You should come around more, Ellie.”

“She’s spent too much time with Quinn already,” Brock whines, Quinn pulling her so she’s practically in his lap, kissing her cheek.

“I told you,” he whispers, just loud enough for only her to hear. “I need you to come around more, too.” Ellie turns to him, her cheeks burning before they both burst out laughing. “That sounded horrible.”

The four of them fall into an easy conversation, the three boys doing everything they can to make Ellie feel included, not shying away from teasing her like they were each other earlier. She felt comfortable. 

Ellie eventually excused herself to go to the bathroom and get more drinks for her and Quinn, the alcohol finally hitting her. She barely finds her way back to the room the guys were in, Thatcher’s house seeming much bigger now that she wasn’t sober and much harder to navigate without Quinn taking her around.

She didn’t mean to listen to their conversation, standing on other side of the opening without them seeing her.

“Brock, I swear, if brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t be able to blow your fucking nose,” she hears Elias say, stiffling a laugh as Brock mumbles something about not meaning to spill his drink on Elias.

“Anyway,” Quinn grunts, sounding like he was getting off the floor.

“Ellie is awesome, by the way,” Elias says, Ellie sure she missed some sort of segue that could have led the conversation from Brock to Ellie.

“She’s snarky,” Brock adds, Ellie hearing a smack and Brock letting out a cough. “That’s not a bad thing.” 

“I met her by accident but I cannot think about what it would be like without her now,” she hears Quinn say, Ellie trying to figure out if she actually heard him right. That sounded like he was much more serious about her than she thought he was. 

“Woah, Quinn,” Elias says. “You met her a few months ago.”

“God, I know,” she hears Quinn let out. “But you know how you just know sometimes? You run into this person one day and they just make your life better?”

“You guys made my life worse since I met you,” Brock mutters. “I say goodnight to her every night and I can’t wait until I can say good morning to her the next day.” 

“You’re a simp.”

“Can you blame me? She’s perfect.”

Ellie finally enters the room, trying her best to pretend that she didn’t just hear everything Quinn told his friends, the ones he told her he would trust with anything. It had to mean something that they already knew who she was before coming and that he could tell them those things unprovoked.

Quinn lights up at the sight of her, giving her another kiss and wrapping his arms around her when she sits down. “You took a bit,” he comments. 

“This house is confusing,” she lies.

Elias and Brock continue to bicker while ignoring Ellie and Quinn. Ellie eventually finishes her drink, along with the third one that Brock had managed to hand off to her at some point, sinking down so her head was in Quinn’s lap.

“How often do you think about the future?”

“I mean, I’m normally thinking about what I’m making for my next meal once I finish the one I’m eating.”

Ellie groans, their hands intertwined and in constant movement, suddenly regretting how much they had both had to drink. She looks up at him, a smile on her face despite the look on his that told her he had absolutely no thoughts behind those eyes. “Like, us in the future. Our future.”

“Huh,” Quinn starts, “I don’t know. I like us right now where we are.” 

Ellie nods, trying to hide the disappointment that she felt. Why could he tell Elias and Brock what he thought about her, but not tell her? He hadn’t even called her his girlfriend to her face, yet. Were they even boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Was it too early to even ask, or should she even ask at all?

They were staying over at Thatcher’s house at this point, neither of them in the position to drive, Elias and Brock electing to stay on the couches. Quinn pulls her up and kisses her, a yawn escaping her after he pulls away. “Want to head to bed? Thatch said we can snag one of the guest rooms.”

Ellie nodded, Quinns hand in hers as he lead her down the hallway. She should be nervous, the first night they were spending together completely unplanned and in one of his teammates house instead of somewhere special. 

But it was with Quinn.

She was fine.  

___________________

“When are you going to be ready?” 

“When I am.”

“You’re taking way too long.” 

“I am not taking too long, you got ready too quickly.”

“Kendyl, I took an hour to get ready to meet Quinn and his friends, and you started getting ready before I got here,” Ellie groans, lying down on Kendyl’s bed. The group chat Ellie had with Quinn and the guys was blowing up, asking where Ellie and Kendyl were. After meeting Kendyl a while back, Quinn was convinced she would be the person to set Brock straight. Ellie wasn’t convinced, but what was the harm of introducing them?

“I’m meeting a Canuck, tonight, El, I have to look good.”

Ellie sits up, looking at Kendyl in her mirror. She knew her friend was nervous. No matter what she could say, nothing would change. “I promise you, you could wear nothing more than a trash bag and Brock would be drooling over you.” 

Kendyl took a deep breath. “Are you sure?”

“Ken, you’re beautiful. You’re funny. You can verbally spar with anyone to get what you want at any time. If you decide you want something to happen with Brock, there’s no way he wouldn’t agree to it.”

Kendyl nods, finally getting up and grabbing Ellie’s hand and her coat to drag her out the door. 

“Are we sure we’re going to have fun?” Kendyl asks, the shaking in her voice something Ellie had never heard before.

“You sound like me now.” It was still winter in Vancouver, the below freezing temperatures combined with the warmest bar appropriate outfits they had not enough to actually keep them warm as they walked through the city to meet all of the guys. 

“What are they like? I only know Quinn.”

Ellie has to stop and think for a moment. How did she even begin to describe them? “I think you just have to wait and see. Quinn is nothing like them.” 

“Oh, my god, you hate your boyfriend's friends.”

“No, what?” Ellie asks, unable to hide her laughter. “I really like his friends. I’m getting closer with Elias and Brock is definitely good for a laugh when you need it.” 

Kendyl nods, both of them shivering as they walk. Quinn had such a warm jacket, Ellie thought back to the night the two of them met. She wouldn’t have been able to see herlife with Quinn coming. She thought Kendyl was just an annoying coworker, Quinn would be just a hook up, and that she would end up having to move home because of her mom and Alex. She never thought it would be this. 

They get to the bar after feeling like they were walking forever, Quinn making a beeline to Ellie as soon as they made eye contact. “God, I’m happy you’re here,” he slurs, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Wow, you’re already drunk,” she points out, trying to push him away slightly. Quinn had told her they were going into a break in the season, so getting drunk was necessary. She had seen him a little drunk, more tipsy than anything, but never like this, and never in public. “Let’s get you some water, babe.”

Quinn lets out a giggle, slinging his arm around Ellie while she focuses on him instead of getting Kendyl over to Brock. She looks around the bar for her friend, or at least one of the guys to hopefully help her make sure he doesn’t go much farther than he already was with the alcohol. 

“Ellie, right?” she hears from behind her as she sets Quinn down at the booth in the back where the rest of the guys were seated. She turns around, one of the new guys in the office standing behind her, glass of beer in hand. 

“Uh, yeah, hey. Dylan, right?”

“Declan, actually,” he corrects her, a quick apology escaping her lips. “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt, I just saw Kendyl over by the bar and she mentioned you were here. I wanted to say hi.”

Even though it was darker in the bar, Ellie swears she saw him blushing, fidgeting and acting nervous in front of her. The guys didn’t seem to notice she was even standing there, but Declan seemed to be trying to take in everything about her. 

“Are you here with anyone?” she asks, feeling Quinn pull her into his lap, Ellie falling without an ounce of grace down towards him. “Sorry, this is my boyfriend, Quinn, and some of his friends.”

“Uh, hi,” he says, Ellie feeling Quinns arms wrap tighter around her as Declan talks, “I’m here with my roommate, but I lost him about half an hour ago.” 

“You should join us then,” Quinn says, moving him and Ellie further into the booth to make room for Declan. The tone in his voice told her he really didn’t want to do that. 

Kendyl finally comes back with drinks, Quinn taking the beer that was meant for Ellie and downing it much faster than he should have. Brock was already captivated by Kendyl as soon as she sat down, Elias rolling his eyes as he was making a fool of himself, Kendyl finding it weirdly endearing.

“So, Deacon,” Quinn starts, much louder than he should have been. “How do you know my girlfriend?”

“Uh,” Declan says, as caught off guard by Quinn’s sudden shift in mood as Ellie is, “I work with her. Just started about a month ago.”

Quinn nods. “What did you do before this?”

“I was a nurse in the ICU at Vancouver General.” 

“Couldn’t handle it, Derek?” 

“Quinn, what?” Ellie scoffs. 

Declan coughs, clearly getting uncomfortable fast. “It was a lot, so no. I liked helping people, but seeing traumatic thing after traumatic thing takes a toll on you really fast. So I went back to school and ended up with Ellie and Kendyl.” 

“Ah, a college degree.” 

“Quinn,” Ellie hissed. She didn’t like where this was going, Quinn holding on to Ellie like he was marking his territory. 

“I actually don’t have my degree, yet.”

“Interesting thing to brag about?” Declan says, nervously sipping on his beer. 

“Well, it’s hard to finish when you get called up to play with the Canucks, you know?”

Declan shrugs. “Is that the CFL team? I don’t follow sports.”

Ellie gets off Quinns lap, pushing Declan aside and dragging Quinn along with her. She didn’t need to hear what Quinn was going to say next. He was starting to act like a jackass and she didn’t want to see more. 

The two of them end up outside, the cold hitting Ellie like a slap in face. “What is wrong with you? He wasn’t doing anything for you to act like that to him.”

“I don’t like him,” Quinn pouts.

“You just met him.”

“I don’t like people who are trying to take my girl.”

Ellie can’t help but scoff. “‘Take your girl?’ What, am I your property? Did you get a good dowry? How many sheep did you have to give my family in exchange for your hand?”

Quinn rolls his eyes. “Come on, Ellie.”

“No, Quinn, you come on. He wasn’t hitting on me. He doesn’t even know me to like me.”

“Of course he likes you, Ellie, look at you.” Quinn takes a step closer to her, suddenly getting softer towards her. “You’re so pretty. You’re so smart. You know what to do with everything.” 

“If he likes me, that doesn’t matter,” Ellie snaps, still annoyed with him. “I don’t like him. I like you. I’m dating you. That should be enough for you to not act like an asshole towards him.”

Quinn hangs his head. “I’m sorry.” 

“You should be saying that to him.”

The two of them stand there in the cold in silence, Ellie not wanting to budge and Quinn wanting her to go with him. “Come with me?”

Ellie bites her lip, her mood ruined because of him in just a short amount of time. “I think I’m going to go home. I’m tired, anyway.”

“Let me walk you?” Just like the night they met.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll let you know when I’m back.”

They stand there for another moment, Quinn making the first move to pull Ellie in for a kiss. “I love you, Ellie.”

Ellie hadn’t been thinking about love with him yet. She wasn’t there yet. “Goodnight, Quinn,” she told him, turning and walking away, leaving him there on the sidewalk.

___________________

“Have you ever loved anyone?” 

“Uh, you.”

“Not that kind of love, idiot.”

“Oh, um. I was in love with Tess Virtue for a while there.”

“While I get that, I still don’t mean that kind of love, Alex.” 

Alex laughs on the other end of the call, Ellie getting ready for work while he got ready for class. “El, you’re the older sister here, aren’t I supposed to be asking you this?”

Ellie and Quinn were in a weird place since Ellie left that night. She had hoped that Quinn was too drunk to remember that he had told her loved her and Ellie’s response was just to walk away. She didn’t know if she was in love with him. She knew she wanted to be with him. She didn’t know if she loved him.

“I mean,” Ellie starts, not sure where to go. 

“Are you and Quinn ok?” Ellie tells her brother everything that happened, Alex staying silent for a few seconds after she finished. “Ellie, you did this last time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Not to go psychology major on you,” Alex says, earning a groan from his sister, “But I think you’re more messed up from Dad leaving than you like to admit you are. You have what sounds like a solid relationship with this guy but you’re afraid that if you let him love you and you let yourself love him, that he’s going to leave just like Dad did. He left us with Mom and we never got that love back.” 

Ellie takes a deep breath. “Jesus. At least I know your degree is worth it.” 

“I could be wrong. I’m only six semesters into this degree, after all.”

“I hate you.” 

“I love you, too, El.” 

Everything goes back to her parents. There’s no reason she couldn’t love Quinn. 

She was in a daze on her commute to the office. Does she love him? Regardless of Alex’s psychoanalysis, even if their dad leaving them with their mom made her think anyone who would love her would leave, is she able to love him?

She wanted to be with him, but she didn’t know what it was like to love him.

“You look horrible,” Kendyl says, Declan trying not to make eye contact with her at their little desk clump, probably trying to not agree. 

“Thank you, for that,” Ellie huffs, dropping her bag on the floor before she falls into her chair. “I just had a weird morning. Don’t really want to talk about it.” 

The morning passes by in a blur, the menial tasks of her job at least giving Ellie something to take her mind off Quinn. Anytime her mind would start to wander, anytime she thought about him in any way, she would just switch back to work mode and force herself to do whatever it is she needed to do.

“Hey,” Ellie thinks she hears from behind her, someone sounding just like Quinn. She ignored it, figuring it was just her imagination and her officially losing her mind over what was going on in her relationship. “Babe?”

Ellie jumps, thoroughly surprised that Quinn was actually standing behind her. “I thought you were leaving for Florida today.”

Quinn pulls her up, kissing her hello, a soft look on his face that told Ellie that everything was ok. “We leave in a few hours, so I wanted to come by and surprise you. Do you have a minute?”

Ellie nods, following Quinn down to the lobby of the building. She knew that if she went somewhere in the office, Kendyl would probably have her ear glued to the other side of the wall of whatever room they were in to try to listen to their conversation. 

“So, you don’t love me,” Quinn lets out slowly, pausing a little between each word, breaking Ellie’s heart each time.

“God,” she lets out.

“It’s ok.” They stand in silence, what they had with each other when they first met already somehow dying off between them. “I’m ok.”

“I want to love you. You know I have other things going on that are messing with my mind. You know me.” 

Quinn rolls his eyes, Ellie taking a step back. “What, the stuff with your mom?” Ellie gives him a small nod. “You can’t keep using that as an excuse, Ellie,” he snaps.

Ellie recoils at his words, the person in front of her not the same one who told her would always be there for her when she needed him, that he would help if she would let him and that he wanted to be there, for her and with her, for everything. This was someone who wouldn’t do any of that. “It’s not an excuse. It’s my life, Quinn. You grew up never having to worry about coming home from school and learning that the lights were turned off, or getting scared that the heat would get cut off in the middle of the winter, or that you were two days away from living in a car,” she nearly yells at him, catching him off guard. “I’m sorry that it messed me up and I’m trying to fix it and at least be honest with you about it because I want to be with you.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, you idiot. I want to be with you. But I don’t know what it’s like to be loved by someone who stays. I don’t know what it’s like to love someone who wants to stay. I think I love you, but I don’t think that my work is the place to figure it out.” 

Quinn smiles at her, hugging her and holding her tight, every part of her relaxing as he does so. “That’s all I need. That’s all I want.” 

___________________

“Ok, if we have to stay all night, then we’re ordering food.” 

“I never agreed to staying all night.” 

“Ellie, we have to get this done before we go home.”

“Yeah, but I have plans tonight. I’m not staying all night, extra pay or not.”

Declan groans, a stupid smile on his face. “Are you driving to these plans tonight?”

Ellie gets a bad feeling in her stomach, one that puts a smile on her face regardless. This project had forced them together much more often than Quinn probably would have liked if he found out. The client was demanding it be done three weeks faster than anticipated,which meant they had to get it done before Monday. “Nope. Why?” Declan gets up from the table the two of them and Kendyl are sitting at in the conference room to give them more space to spread out, running over to his desk and yanking one of the drawers open. “Dex, what are you doing?” Ellie calls.

The three of them had already been in the office much longer than everyone else, the rest of their colleagues having left early for the weekend while the three of them stayed behind.

Ellie had plans with Quinn that night for the first time in a while.

“Getting this,” Declan says, pulling her out of the spiraling thoughts she was having about her relationship.

He holds up three plastic red cups and a bottle of rum, the one alcohol that Ellie could stomach without any mixer, a sociopathic tendency as Kendyl would call it. “Why is that there?” Kendyl asks.

Declan shrugs, popping open the bottle with ease and pouring way more than a single shot into each of the cups. “One of the clients gave it to me as a thank you.”

“We never get alcohol as a thank you,” Ellie scoffs, Kendyl agreeing.

“Men,” Kendyl rolls her eyes.

Declan laughs, raising his cup to Ellie and clinking it against hers, downing it in a few seconds as he watches Ellie do the same. Both of them cough, the liquid burning down their throats much more than they were expecting, neither of them breaking eye contact with each other while forgetting Kendyl was there with them. “Alright, we work until we’re done. We refill when we need to.”

Ellie smiles at him, the warmth of the alcohol already coursing through her. Her phone starts buzzing, a call coming in from someone whose contact she can’t quite make out. “No phones.”

The three of them get to work, the sun setting without them realizing it as their phones keep buzzing over and over again. They weren’t even entirely sure what the project was that their boss was asking of them, but then again, when were they ever?

They had to have been working for at least two hours straight without moving, feeling like they hadn’t even made a dent in the amount of tasks they had for the project. “I need to go home,” Kendyl groans, rubbing her hands over her face.

“We need to finish this,” Ellie points out.

“We need more alcohol.” Declan gets up, already somehow emptying the bottle into their three cups. He winks at Ellie, yet again ignoring Kendyl and sending a chill down Ellie’s spine before heading back out of the conference room without another word. 

Kendyl squeals once he’s out of earshot, shaking Ellie’s arm. “Oh, my god, he is so obsessed with you.”

“He is not,” Ellie insists, the heat running to her cheeks at the thought of her coworker liking her. She’s dating Quinn. Dating a coworker is out of the question. Dating Delcan isn’t even a thought.

“Ellie, I’m not even here when he’s around. You two are flirting so much.”

“I’m not sure you know what flirting is.”

“What about Quinn?”

Ellie’s stomach churned at his name. “Quinn and I are fine,” she tells Kendyl, trying to ignore how high her voice got involuntarily. 

“El.”

“Ken.”

“You’re lying to me.” Ellie bites her lip, hating that Kendyl knew her well enough to tell. “What’s going on with you two? You were off last time I saw you together.”

Ellie sees Declan out of the corner of her eye shifting around the desks outside the conference room. “I have no idea.” Kendyl stays silent, Ellie feeling like she has to fill the space. “We see each other less and less now, part of it because of both our jobs right now.”

“Well, that makes sense, that happens.”

“But when we do spend time together, we don’t say anything. We barely talk anymore at all. It’s like we ran out of things to say.”

“Who has nothing to say?” Declan interrupts, plopping down in his chair with another bottle of rum.

“Ellie and Quinn. Why do you have another bottle?” Kendyl asks.

“I have many bottles. Who’s Quinn?” 

“Ellie’s boyfriend.” 

Declan just nods, giving Ellie an uneasy feeling as they both take a sip of their drinks again, the eye contact between them mixed with the alcohol making her mind spin. “We’re just going through a weird phase right now. We’ll get through it.”

Kendyl recaps what Ellie told her, unprompted, to Declan, who infuriatingly just sits there, the alcohol making him look way too attractive for Ellie’s liking. “You don’t want my opinion, do you?” he asks.

“Kendyl gives me hers all the time when I don’t want it, you might as well give yours.”

“You’re both busy. That happens.”

“See?” Ellie prods Kendyl. 

“But,” Declan starts again, Kendyl sticking her tongue out at Ellie like a child, “Being busy could also mean not being willing to make time for each other.” 

Ellie took in a deep breath, hating what he was saying. It wasn’t like he said that much, but he said enough. The room suddenly felt too small, the work too overwhelming, the alcohol hitting her all at once. “I’m going to go to the bathroom,” she says, practically running out of the room. 

Are she and Quinn not making enough time for each other? Are they just ending their relationship without saying that it’s over? She didn’t think she wanted to break up with him, but at this point, what was staying with him doing for her? 

Ellie looks at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol distorting her perception of herself or if it was the mirror that probably hadn’t been cleaned in a while, but she didn’t look like herself. She looked off. She had felt off for a while, but she had no idea why. 

Was it because of Quinn? Ellie had heard that to be loved was to be changed, but what happens when you don’t like how you’ve changed? How much should she fight to get things back to the way there were when they first started seeing each other? What has to happen for her to just give up instead?

“Hey, sorry,” Declan startles Ellie, causing her to lose her balance and stumble against the sink. “I’m sorry that I upset you.”

“No, uh,” Ellie starts, wiping a tear from her cheek she didn’t even know had fallen, “You didn’t upset me.”

“Can I ask you something?” Declan’s voice is gentle as he takes a step closer to you, waiting for her to nod. “If you aren’t happy, why are you still with him?”

Ellie shrugs, not wanting to look at him. If she looks, she’ll fall apart. “I love him. I do. He knows me better than anyone. I’ve told him things I haven’t told anyone outside of my family, not even Kendyl. But sometimes,” she takes in a breath, her voice shaking. “Sometimes I wonder if it was all for nothing. We have no time for each other anymore. I see Kendyl more than I see him.”

“Ellie,” he says, his voice low as he steps closer to her. She was sure he could hear her heart racing. 

She was dating Quinn.

Quinn.

“Oh, fuck,” Ellie practically yells. “What time is it?”

“Uh, 8:30.”

“Quinn was picking me up at 8:15.” Ellie runs from the bathroom, leaving Declan calling after her. She grabs her stuff from the conference room without saying a word to Kendyl. 

She hears Declan in the background, calling after her as she runs down the stairs, dropping things in the stairwell that she doesn’t bother to pick up. She was rattled, Quinn already waiting for what had now become twenty minutes without her so much as texting him back the entire time.

Declan catches up to her, everything she’s dropped in his hands when she bursts through the front door of the building, Quinn’s car at the curb with him leaning against it scrolling on his phone. He looks up, his eyes going between his disheveled girlfriend and the one guy that she talked to that he was worried about, equally out of breath and carrying her things, both of them looking panicked.

He could tell Ellie was drunk. He knew she was drinking with him.

“What is this, Ellie?” he asks, trying to keep a calm tone in his voice as best as he can.

Ellie starts stammering, the alcohol not helping her at all. “We were doing that project I told you about, we lost track of time. I know I’m late but I wasn’t looking at my phone so we could finish as fast as possible.”

Quinn takes in a deep breath, looking up to the sky so he didn’t have to see her reaction to what he was about to say. “Ellie, I know he likes you. I told you likes you the night I met him. And, I know you like him, even if you don’t realize it yet. What am I doing here?”

Ellie steps toward him, her legs starting to shake as she tried to process what he was saying. “Quinn, you’re taking me out. You said we were meeting the guys tonight.”

“No, Ellie. I am. You’re gonna stay here.You’re gonna finish the project. You’re going to spend the night with Declan. You should be with someone who has time for you.”

“Quinn.” 

“We’ve both been busy. We’ve both had way too many things going on to focus on each other. We deserve better. You deserve better.”

“Quinn,” she repeats, standing right in front of him. She reaches up to his cheek, him leaning into her touch as he finally looks at her. “What are you saying?”

“You know, Ellie.” 

They stand there, forgetting Declan behind them and ignoring the world around them. Quinn cups her cheeks, kissing her like he did the very first time. “Bye, Eleanor.”

“Bye, Quinn,” Ellie whispers, not wanting to let go. 

Everything happened so fast. Ellie stood on the curb, wanting to drop her things right on the sidewalk and chase after him as he got in his car and drove away. She didn’t move as Declan came up behind her, gently putting his arm around her to try to comfort her. She didn’t hear him say that he wanted to get her back inside so that Kendyl could be with her, so that she’d have someone she trusted to talk to after what just happened.

She just stood there. 

___________________

Quinn was miserable. The guys were all with their partners, while Quinn sat in the middle with no one by his side. All he had was the beer in front of him that he didn’t even want to drink. 

He should be happy. They were already having a great season. They had already secured a playoff spot. The team was playing to have fun and winning was coming because of it. 

Brock comes up to him with Kendyl, the two of them still going strong. Quinn liked Kendyl, but seeing her still reminded him of Ellie, even if the two of them didn’t work together anymore. 

“Come on, buck up. There are plenty of girls here that you could at least talk to,” Brock tries to encourage him.

Quinn just shrugs him off, slowly turning the glass of beer around on the table. He wasn’t in the mood to be there, but there was no way the guys would let him leave this early. 

Brock leaves to get another round of drinks, Kendyl staying behind. “She’s doing ok, you know,” she says, barely above a whisper. 

Quinn sighs. “I miss her.” 

Kendyl puts her hand on his shoulder, giving him a sympathetic smile. “I know.”

They sit for a moment, both of them unsure what to say next. What do you say to someone who was still broken over something that should have never shattered in the first place?

“Hey, isn’t that that Dexter guy you work with?” Elias comes over and asks, pointing to the other side of the bar. 

Quinn feels the air escape his lungs, Ellie and Declan together, Declan holding on to her as a guy moved past them, pressing their bodies against each other. She didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity to drape her arms on his shoulders, getting up on her toes to kiss him, their foreheads pressed together when they pull away while they looked at each other like they were the only people in the world. 

“She’s happy,” Kendyl says. 

“She’s happier,” Quinn corrects her, his heart breaking at the fact that he couldn’t do that for her. 

[glassrowboat]

🎲 i wish for a good kiss Prompt

30. Kiss to the palm of the hand

Let Me Help. Baizhu.

Word count: 1,700+

Can you tell I love him and hate him at the same time? Fucking bitch-

His hand was shaking. Trembling under the effort to keep his arm up in the air, like it was the greatest war of the century, he was fighting. Would people shout, fill the air with their screams as blades, unlike the one he was holding, clashed?

“I can help,” you offered, hand outstretched to take the razor away from his grip. To free him of the blade you have been questioning since the moment he picked it up.

A part of you was expecting it to slip out of his grasp, to fall to the floor with a clatter, but it still came to no surprise Baizhu tried to hold it as tight as he could. Or, rather, as tight as he could right now.

“I am fine, my petal.” Baizhu insisted.

“Truly?”

For a moment, Baizhu didn't say anything in response, lips pressed together in a thin line as he no doubt mulled over what words he'd pick out this time.

If he would say any at all.

Most likely because he didn't want to, not when all that would come out of him was another lie. Fibs, he liked to call them, like that made it any better. A habit of his that had started far too many fights whispered under both your breaths in an attempt to make sure Qiqi stayed asleep as heated words passed in the middle of the night. Her head nestled into a pillow, completely unaware of you pleading for Baizhu to stop lying to you. To himself.

He opened his mouth again, mouth agape as he decided on the words: “I can manage this.”

In the end, he was still lying to himself.

“Fine.” You said, taking a step back to allow him some room to breathe. It wasn't far, but the thought of leaving him like this just because you were upset was imprudent. And far too cold.

Baizhu went back to what he was trying to do before. Razor in hand as he stared at the mirror, reflecting back the stubble dotting his chin and current sickened state. One you knew he hated to see.

To let you see.

It had been a big deal- still is, actually- when Baizhu first let you into the backroom during one of his episodes. Not even Qiqi was allowed to see him in this state for more than a few seconds as she brought him trays of tea and occasionally lotus shoot soup. His eyes would be hollow behind those golden glasses, sweat covering his skinny form as he shook in place, lips tinted in a red that you knew was anything but lipstick as he tried to manage a smile for you.

At the time, you wanted to hiss at him to stop with the act, but you knew better. The act was, sometimes, the one thing keeping him together.

So you kept your mouth shut that first time you saw him coughing up blood into the bucket he kept by the bed. Bit your lip until you were sure it was raw as you watched. You could do nothing but be there for him. Hand running along his back, pulling Baizhu's hair out of the way, helping him drink the tea so there was the taste of something pleasant on his tongue as you whispered about how would make it through this.

Sometimes, you thought you were a liar yourself when those words were spilled.

“It's rare for you to see me unshaven, isn't it?”

For you could never know when Baizhu had fully reached his limit until it was too late.

“It is.” You agreed. Voice short and curt even as you told him you can help.

Tentatively, he lowered the razor. Having looked up at you for a moment before shaking his head. “You still knick your own legs, my dear.”

“That hasn't happened in like a month.”

With a huff, you looked back over at the sleeping snake, all curled up in a coil of her own making as she tried to recover from the long night. Unlike you, she didn't have the luxury of getting to pass out as Baizhu coughed and wheezed. Even then, he still tried to run his hand through your hair, easing you as Changsheng kept him stable the entire night long.

A hypocrite you wanted to call him. Just like how you want to tear that contract of his to shreds. To toss it out into the rocks right outside the pharmacy like the world's worst confetti every time he uses a power that would have him stuck inside paying the price.

He was far too generous. With his time, with his effort, with his very own life, for Baizhu was a man who would tear off pieces of himself and give them out with a kindly smile.

Philanthropic to a fault, but that was part of the reason you fell in love with him in the first place.

That day, the patient had walked away with a pep in their step, and Baizhu had fallen into bed.

Just as it always went.

Cut from your own thoughts with a startle and a small gasp you looked down to find Baizhu had reached out to you. Holding onto your ring finger to trace over the jade wrapped around it, a snake motif etched into the stone that was currently hidden behind his thumb as it traced over the pattern. “Petal?”

“Yeah, wifey?”

You couldn't help the grin that came from you as he laughed. His joy always proved infectious even if it was cut off by a loud and sudden cough.

Whispers of apologies came from you as you fetched him a glass of water. Raising it to his lips and you helped Baizhu drink down what he could even as shaving cream got on the rim of the cup. It matters little, anyway. Having to spare some time to clean it up was nothing compared to what he went through for others.

“Sorry, Bai, I know better than to make jokes when you're like this.”

“It's quite alright.”

“No, it's-”

“But my petal, ‘wifey?’” He hummed. Even when his voice was hoarse and broken from every wretch, it truly had such a melodic nature to it. “We're not even married yet, and you're already calling me such a lovely name?”

“Please, it suits you.”

“And shall I call you husband?”

“Well…” Just the image of Baizhu coming up behind you in the pharmacy as he works, trying to maneuver around behind you with a jar full of dried herbs in hand and a kiss being pressed to your forehead as he says ‘excuse me, husband’ certainly did something to you. Even if that something was just amuse you. Surely, those on the older side lingering around would raise a brow at the sight.

“Just drink your water.”

Leaning against the counter, the corner of the material pressing into your rear, you looked back down at the floor. Staring down the scuffs in the polished wood. Something so beautiful that has been torn apart, shaped into what was demanded of it. The wood didn't have a choice, but he did.

Baizhu always did.

“Did anyone drop off any shoutao bao this morning? Last week, there was some in the usual stock of gifts left right outside, and I must admit to craving-”

Just like he was choosing to distract you. To make it easier for you to stand here with him.

“You can't eat like this. We both know that.” You huffed, only to regret it a second later. A sigh “Look. Just…Cmon Bai.”

Baizhu pulled the razor away from his face. Only one line had been dragged across his chin, and it had taken the time of this entire conversation for him to gather enough strength to do so without risking cutting his skin. The silver shining in the low light of the lanterns. “You are just as stubborn as I am.”

“What's that Liyuan saying again?” You asked, mainly to yourself even if it caused Baizhu to glance over at you. “Dead ducks and something something.”

“‘Dead ducks’ is the full term. Though, to so readily imply I am beyond help isn't very nice.”

“Then prove me wrong.”

Grabbing his hand, you pulled the razor away, letting it rest on the counter for now. One can't plead their case if they feel they need to watch for any mishaps or slip ups. Now, can they?

“If I even knick you in the slightest, you can bring this very moment up to me and be like: ‘my oh so precious darling fiance, do you not recall what happened last time?”’

“Your accent is coming along, my petal. Give it a bit more time, and you might even sound like you truly do hail from Chenyu Vale.”

“I need it for every time I mock you.” You said with a scoff.

Raising Baizhu's hand to your lips you press a kiss to the center of his palm. To his fingers. To the spot right over his pulse. All while Baizhu watches, lips quirked up every time your lips met his skin. ‘I love you’ is repeated between each gentle kiss. Trying to give him all you could in this quiet hour that only you shared before he turned around and passed his own life out like candy. Again.

“You would normally call this guilt tripping or bribing if I pulled the same thing.” Baizhu pointed out.

“That's,” another kiss, “because when it comes from you, it is.”

There was silence for a moment, just your breathing his short gasps for air, but it was interrupted all too shortly as you could hear the sound of the razor against the counter again as its picked up. Sliding over that smooth surface for only a moment. You were about to take it back, snatch it, and hold it out of arm's reach, but he was already speaking before you could interject.

“Then this once, my dear. However-”

“If I do knick you, you'll hold it over my head for months?”

There was that grin again, teeth poking out from his chapped lips. You'd have to urge him into drinking more water soon enough. The little he got down clearly wouldn't suffice, but for now, all you could do was hold the blade to his skin.

Trust was such a hard thing for you two, having to work around lies and wishful thinking on both your ends. It was something to work on. Built day by day like a house being slowly erected. Walls being raised to stand tall, windows to be put in, insulation, a roof. But first, you have to start from the ground up, and you swiped the razor along his skin for the first time.

“So, wifey?”

“Baizhu, I swear to Morax, you better shut up and let me work.”

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Happy Birthday David Dastmalchian 🎂🎉🎁🎈

To celebrate, I'm stealing borrowing from my friend's @polkadotjohnson amazing idea of making a Top 10 Loved/Hottest roles of his, with an honourable mention for both~ Here's 30 of my most adored characters of his with little snippets for each, it's a looooong read, and if anyone else wants to make their own, here's a tierlist I made for this exact purpose 💗💗💗

10.

💘 Love of my Life - Dr Fearless

My cringefail boyfriend, I love every single headcanon I hear about him. He was so damn cute even before I fell in love, and now every time I see him I start giggling and kicking my feet lol 😚 I adore how much fun DD has with him, and honestly I’m gunna dress as a vampire for Halloween this year /)w(\ been like 20+ years but I really really wanna do it!

🔥 Hottest Role - Whistling Marauder (Bird Box)

Mother of mercy. We rewatched the whole movie just for him, so naturally he shows up near the end and then died ;w; but that outfit, holy hell. Oh my god. I’m such a sucker for bad boys and this guy is going around forcing people to stare at this eldrich being that’ll destroy you or drive you mad. And he looks goddamn great while doing it. Gunna attach myself to the chain on his jeans. Okay I’m normal again, what a way to start off the list lmao

❣️ Honourable Mention - Luke (Singled Out)

Douchebag. Shitty brother who’s also great if only to save his own ass. Thief. Pure idiot. Irresistible. I knew the moment I saw the clips on youtube that he would so be my type, and seeing the full pilot only proved that. Dude picked a burger over getting his sister, he would treat me so wrong half the time, but then he’d make me waffles and it’d be all better 😊

9.

💘 Love of my Life - The Writer (Making Love)

This one breaks my heart so much. I’ve been in a relationship like this before, and I really want to save him from his. He’s beautiful, he’s talented, his outfit is hot as hell with all the rings and bracelets and necklaces, not to mention the undone shirt buttons, he’s got the emo bangs, he is the complete package for me. The only reason he isn’t higher is because I fell for many others first. I almost never watched this one because my brain was going haywire trying to imagine what kinda scenes I’d find in something with a title like that, and sure enough my face was so red the entire time since I watched with headphones and it starts with him whispering right in my ear, like him asking, ‘Do you love me?’ nearly made me cry, I love him so much. If I could bring specifically him to life I would love the hell outta him until he stopped needing such a painful, self-destructive fake love with the Woman QwQ

❣️ Honourable Mention - Nick (Love is an Elevator)

This one is just a silly little guy /)w(\ right from the start he’s so adorable, I would melt if anything even close to his interaction happened to me, and him just swooning and saying she was beautiful before bailing in tears is so me-coded TwT I would love to go out on a date with him!

🔥 Hottest Role - Abra Kadabra (The Flash)

Abra was so tricky to place because I love him, but as soon as I remembered his buckle outfit from his second episode I knew he had to go under Hot. Like, again, I’m so weak. I love his attitude, I love how he just wants that applause for his showmanship, his ‘powers’ are cool as hell, and DD has the wand in his home now and I think that’s so damn cool 😊 The reveal with him wanting to bring back his alternate timeline family was so sweet I almost cried, and he definitely didn’t deserve to be killed out so instantly right after his redemption. Not even a fan/watcher of the show, but in my head I’m having Flash warn him about it since he’s from the future, so he’s fine now 😌

8.

💘 Love of my Life - James Lewis (Teacher)

James was also incredibly difficult to place because I love him so much ;w; The entire movie I was rooting for him, guy did nothing wrong in the face of what was going on around him, and granted he did take things too far, but… villains are hot 😳 so I won through that entire movie. And he lived! And kept getting to teach! I remember I pointed at the screen when he was putting books away cause that’s my job lol I felt truly close to him in that short moment 😂 Anyway, Arabella didn’t deserve him, like she wasn't into it from the moment they met, every single time he talked she would do this 😬 guy was going through hell and was very clearly in a bad place all around, I can’t fault him for drunkenly saying the wrong thing if it were me, even if it did really hurt me. Gunna give him a new wedding ring to put on when he gets outta prison.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hector (Premature)

He’s so cute!!! I may be weak for villains, but I adore his sweeter roles as well, I’m so glad I got to see him. If I moved to a new city and he was my neighbour I’d know I’d be okay, because honestly he needs to be my roommate like yesterday. A chef who’s afraid to cook because of OCD, I’m sure he’d be able to help me with my own cooking from a safe distance, and I already have some practice as my sibling has OCD and is very strict about how her food is handled, so I’ll have come full circle. I just need to make him more okay with cuddles first…

🔥 Hottest Role - Denham (A Killer of Men)

Denham was another one that was hard to place, because that axe twirls makes me insane, but with what little screentime he gets it all evens out. Another great villain, he’s just senseless violence in a bloody wedding dress and he works it. Love the look, love the vibe, if the world ended and the whole gang was coming at me I’d be honoured if he was the one who got me (I swear I’m not that deranged lmao just thirsty)

7.

💘 Love of my Life - Simon Lynch (Almost Human)

Even now I feel like Simon should be higher, especially since I’ve written my fic about him as well as my deep dive. I’ve said it before but my heart really went out to him, the deep dive says way more than I can fit it here, which probably means he should be higher lol so give that (and maybe the fic too 👉👈😌) a read if you haven’t already, all my love for him went into both.

❣️ Honourable Mention - James Harris (The Employer)

Another adorable character, the bar flashbacks had me blushing every time. We all knew it’d be him, but I’m so glad he pulled through at the end. I want this one to be happy, especially after everything he went through. Absolutely cutiepie, gunna be the one to pay for his dinner after he gets home 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Dwight Pollard (Gotham)

Since I go into all of his roles blind, I had no idea what to expect for this one, but from the start I was hooked. Having him be a crazed cult leader with the biggest, most feral smile and laugh ever stole my heart the things I would let this man do to me sakndskjds I liveblogged his eps to a friend of mine who’s seen Gotham and has been trying to get me to watch it for ages cause I love DC, so she was thrilled as I sat here screaming about everything leading up to his ending :’D I’ve gotten some encouragement to write him, so when I do it’s gunna be so insane I’ll have to tag the hell outta it lmao (btw making these gifs nearly killed me oh my god I need him)

6.

💘 Love of my Life - Joshua Whitmore (Cass)

All the pain I went through trying to get this movie was worth it because it all led to him. I love him, I adore him, I’m so incredibly glad that so many others got to see him and love him too thanks to my trials and tribulations. DD’s only artist role, I got to connect with him on a personal level not shared with the others, and my desire to make sure he’s safe and taken care of is so strong that I wrote 26k about him, they’re two of my most favourite things I’ve ever written. I’ve thrown the ending of the movie out and completely placed it with my own, which can be found in my fics, and until Hugh Schulze DMs me personally and tells me what his vision was, that’s what I’m sticking with forever. So rest easy, he’s free from New York and buyers and dealers and the street and he’s safe and happy and painting again ;w;

❣️ Honourable Mention - Thomas Schiff (The Dark Knight)

The OG, a lot of people’s first roles of his, including mine. I remember seeing this movie in theaters when it came out so that means I saw him up there, on the big screen, and something about him stuck around in my brain until I finally realized my love QwQ Even if he isn’t as fleshed out in my mind to make the actual list, I still needed to include him in some way, I hope he got placed somewhere that wasn't Arkham after Batman stepped in.

🔥 Hottest Role - Cam (Relaxer)

I will never watch Relaxer again. Couldn’t even do it while I was making his scenepack cause so many horrible things happen to Abbie I couldn’t take it. But Cam, oh my god, I need this man. Someday I wanna write this huge fic about the reader trying to date him, and there’s no redemption. He’s still terrible at the end. But that’s what we all love about him, how shitty he is and how the potential is there for him to make us all worse. He sucks, but in the best way, and I kinda need him to maybe bully me please 😳 (making that first gif nearly made me blackout why is he doing pushups)

5.

💘 Love of my Life - Bob Taylor (Prisoners)

When I started adding names to my list of men I loved, Bob wasn't even on it at first I think, despite liking him in the movie. Then I saw more with him and added him to crushes. Now I’m fully in love with him, and he breaks my heart every single day. He was hurting for so long, even when we were watching I couldn’t place the blame on him while the rest of my family were convinced just like Loki that he was the one, but no matter what I couldn’t. The second I saw his sweet smile I told them there was no way it was him, and sure enough I was right. Another character who didn’t deserve what happened to him, I’ve been slowly helping him with my headcanons, but in my personal queue I have a fic planned for him and he will have no more sad days when I do 😭 I also have a bunny plush I’d had for years, my dad bought it for me and it’s been sitting on my bed ever since, and when I’m sad I hold it and pretend Bob gave it to me, it’s honestly got me through some much needed therapy because if he could go about his day with that kind of trauma then I could be brave and call about my own mental health :’)

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lonny Crane (The Belko Experiment)

This one’s a bit of a double whammy, cause I love him, but the switch to violence had me staring 👀 Either way, he didn’t deserve his death, but since it is a killing game type movie he was doomed from the start, at least his seemed instant 🥺 Someday I’ll write a fixit for him too, it was just too much for him back to back to back, he really didn’t deserve his final moments to have him as a villain even though I would really love to be lifted up like that aklskjdskds okay I’m normal again

🔥 Hottest Role - Ray Watkins (The Rookie)

Have you seen this man? No really, have you seen him? The twirl, the shirt lifting on his hips, the cold but also fun villainy, the nonchalance to mask the cruelness underneath. I need him. This one is not a Want, he is a Need and I need him. I hope that he gets to come back in the future to fully wrap up his plot along with the cop’s plot, pleasepleaseplease, otherwise I will die unsatisfied.

4.

💘 Love of my Life - Kurt Goreshter (Ant-Man 1-2)

I believe he might’ve been the second role I’d ever seen, but only after I really got into the MCU after Endgame. I skipped Ant-Man in my original watches, since I was mostly just into the Avengers and Cap (mainly Bucky lol) in general, but when I finally did a full marathon I really enjoyed the first movie. Cannot remember my feelings for him now since it’s been about 4 years, but I do know when I went back to rewatch in March I fell the second I saw him 🥰 the hair, the accent, the outfit AGAIN, and those hand tattoos, this is another Perfect Man. My crush on him is incredibly strong, it told me that yeah I was really starting to fall for DD (at that point I’d just seen Demeter a few times, and then Oppenheimer on accident) and it officially kicked off my marathon that eventually led me to my collection I have today. 

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lester Billings (The Boogeyman)

My family actually watched this without me way before my crush began, so when I saw he was in it I just had to finally sit down and watch it myself. Cue me hurriedly typing to my sibling when he showed up lol this man is SAD! He’s so beautiful and sad, I just wanna make a new family with him (I would be a parent for him, that’s the extent of my love) so he can be happy again. I love the backstory I made up for him way more than the original story, sorry Stephen King but you made him awful and I don’t want that one. I’m gunna save this man and he WILL smile again, that’s a Ray Guarantee.

🔥 Hottest Role - The Vampire (Cora)

Now, to start, this one falls prey to Very Bad Writing Choices. I will not deny that. Like, even with the allegory of the whole thing (that I did not see cause I just saw a short vampire story honestly) it's very much Not Good. But that’s why I’m removing him from the short and keeping him. In fact, go read polkadotjohnson’s fics on him, they’re fantastic and I adore how she wrote him. I someday wish to do my own, because otherwise everyone who can’t look past the Very Bad Writing Choices are getting straight up robbed of this one. Those double fangs need to introduce themselves to my neck pronto, you see what I’m saying? He’s so goddamn hot, DD needs to play a very serious vampire role again so everyone can see the Vision, he wants to do it, I need to win the lottery so I can fund this movie myself, that’s my new life’s goal.

3.

💘 Love of my Life - Jack Delroy (Late Night With the Devil)

The first movie I saw in theaters after my crush began! My friend saw him in a tweet about it and linked me to it so I thought it was already out, but I ended up having to wait two weeks and it nearly killed me ;w; I went in completely blind, which is good cause the trailer spoils so many great shots unfortunately, and the entire time I was swooning. Like, I usually whisper to my sibling during movies if we have comments, we’re very talkative at home when we watch stuff, but this time I was just sitting there staring with hearts in my eyes without pause. I’m in love with this man, plain and simple, I’m so glad I was able to get to see it since it didn’t come to the theater closest, we had to drive an hour away and when dad joked about me paying for the tickets since I was the one who wanted to see it, I did in a heartbeat. I wanted to see it again, but it was only there a couple weeks, so by the time I was able to go it was gone and I’m still upset about it. I’d sell my soul for this man, I love writing for him so much, I’m so glad my crush on Wojchek bloomed just in time for me to see this.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hank (Virgin Alexander)

I avoided this one at first because the trailer was making me cringe and I was going crazy over what kinda sexy awkward role he’d have in it, but I was pleasantly surprised in the end. I think the movie is actually cute, despite some stuff still making me cringe, and Hank is literally the most perfect boyfriend. If he showed up randomly in my life I would date him in a second, hands down. He’s so shaped like a friend, I know I’d always have fun with him even when we’re not Having Fun, and that’s all you can ever ask for in a relationship 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Breck Montanari (Double Black)

Okay first of all I gave him that last name. Second of all, I wrote 70k about this man and I am so in love with him that I own him now. I’ve taken him from Sara Woomer, he’s mine now. He has a full past, gave him a future and a partner, there’s no way I couldn’t have fallen in love with him. Unfortunately that fic will never be shared as it’s private, but know that, again, until Sara Woomer DMs me personally and shares everything else about this world, this is my new canon for him. And the cult. And the entire area where he lives. And several of the members. And the new Double Black who was such a chill dude that I made my bff love him too. This is my secret legacy. He only lost out to my #2 because there’s no way he couldn’t be my #2.

2.

💘 Love of my Life - Wojchek (The Last Voyage of the Demeter)

The reason I finally learned his name QwQ I went into this movie blind, dad really wanted to see it and I love horror so I went with him, and the second I saw him I said, ‘Oh that guy! I know that guy!’ since by then I’d seen Kurt and Abner a few years earlier and vaguely remembered him. I spent the whole movie then dreading his end thanks to the opening lines, and I’m pretty sure I quietly yelled at the screen when he fell and then got got after praying he’d be okay TwT After Abner, he’s the first DD role I ever shipped with, and when my crush officially restarted I ended up writing my entire plot for him and Addy that night before bed. I love him so much, he’s my jolly sailor bold who stole my heart by crying over the thought of having to lose his home. He’ll forever own a special place in my heart because of all this, I can’t imagine anyone else taking this spot.

🔥 Hottest Role - Murdoc (MacGyver 2016)

Murdoc was the first TV role of his I checked out after I saw as many movies as I could that interested me (mostly all the ones on Prime sans a couple, my collection was very very small by then) and the moment I saw him be mentioned I was ready to go. The Alice in Wonderland vague text, running and then getting shocked before falling two floors, showing up with that hair, I was not prepared for everything else they were about to throw at me. Murdoc is one of my most favourite characters now, he’s so much fun, I adore everything about him, I’ve only edited with him twice and written him once, but I need to do both so much more! This one is hot as fuck, he’s adorable, he loves his son, he’s got tools, he’s utterly sadistic, he’s a silly little guy. This is another Perfect Man, I cannot wait to decide on his plot with Addy because there’s too many fun possibilities I honestly might just make multiple.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Willy Cunningham (The Domestics)

Now… you might all be thinking… why the hell is this guy a #2 honourable mention in the face of all the others… and the answer is… I’m a freak 😀 I’ll never say, but my eyes were opened to him, and my god, I will literally never be the same. I just need him and that insanely feral energy okay, lemme have this.

1.

💘 Love of my Life - Abner Krill (The Suicide Squad)

The love that started it all, I think I fell for him the moment he walked outta his cell and got teased. The love I feel for him goes so deep, it only compares to one other, and whenever I work on my plot for him and Addy I always get choked up. The ultimate one who didn’t deserve what he got, I actually refused to watch the movie again after he died, straight up did not watch until my marathon started, and as soon as I saw him in that cell it all came back. I instantly fell back in love with him, and thus his Addy plot has the most love put into it to make sure he’s happy and safe. I thought that maybe there’d be another to win my heart as my marathon grew, but nope he’s still there sharing it with my other #1, and seeing him can instantly bring a smile to my face no matter how I’m feeling. 

After the movie I read the trivia again and my crush on DD himself began, so it’s all thanks to him and Wojchek that I’ve met the people I know today and have created so many things in such a short time. When I hit my lowest low in years I just sat at my desk and held the funko I have of him and just cried it all out, and it honestly helped me get out of that spiral. Thanks to him I now have a Polka-Dot Man collection (still missing one figure and maybe a signed print and poster 👉👈🥰) and if I could get a plushie of him to join the ton I already have I’d buy him in a second. Maybe someday, if I have any courage, I’ll bring my funko or something to a con where DD is attending and get it signed, either him or my other #1, and I’ll cherish it forever.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Jude (Animals)

Like all the others, I went into this movie completely blind. I didn’t know DD wrote it or its significance to him until after it was over and the credits rolled. So the entire time I was watching I was falling in love with him, he was so incredibly my type in the moments he was actually happy that it’s insane, I spent the whole movie just saying how much I would date him in better circumstances. We were sadly betting which one of them was going to die as things just got worse, me and my sibling were watching so miserably, and then we were rewarded with a happy ending despite the bittersweetness. And then the credits rolled, after me repeatedly wondering why he’d accept a role like this after knowing at least about his addiction and it all fell into place. I haven’t been able to watch again so far now that I know a lot of what happened to Jude also happened to him, it breaks my heart too much, but I still love him deep down and I hope he was also able to heal after the credits rolled.

🔥 Hottest Role - Johnson (Reprisal)

Tied for first with Abner as the ultimate love of my life and claiming this one all to himself, Johnson is the Most Perfect Man. Literally, no other DD role can top him in my heart aside from Abner. I honestly almost skipped Reprisal entirely because the promo image on his imdb didn’t grab me (I’m such a fake fan I’m so ashamed of myself), but when I was done with everything else and wanted to see more, I downloaded it without ep9 since he wasn't in it, and started watching. What followed next was me falling so in love with the show that I spent forever trying to get that missing episode back from near dead torrents cause I needed to watch it even though he wasn't in it. Reprisal is my Roman Empire, I am constantly thinking about it and him and Matty, not just for my fic but just because I love it all so fucking much. 

Johnson himself is so fascinating, I’m incredibly in love with him and everything about him, he’s unlike any other role DD has played that there’s a complete disconnect in my mind, he’s just Johnson. He’s so goddamn hot I missed out on literally everything the first round because I was watching him so hard, Matty and Ethan were nonexistent to me and I’m madly in love with Matty now so let that sink in, and when I rewatched it immediately after with my parents it was like I was watching for the first time. I’m loving writing for him (and Matty and Ethan of course) so much that my thoughts go back to him daily, and it almost always includes me being on the verge of tears because of how insanely good this script is and how these boys bring me so much joy while also shattering my heart. 

Making the gif below no joke did make me cry like this show is my greatest weakness right now you guys don't even understand how much it and Johnson mean to me.

I need to edit more for him and them and the show in general, if I had endless money and all the confidence in the world I would truly fund this show single handedly so it can finish the way it was supposed to. I’m so mad at Hulu for giving me the greatest love(s) of my life before taking him away years before I’d ever know him, with no physical media or merch to at least collect to numb the pain. At some point I need to get some promo pics printed out as actual posters, I need this show on my wall so I can always see him.

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 13- Dear Emily and Richard-Part 5

Before we wrap up DVD & Abortion Gate, aka Dear Emily & Richard, here's my end of episode Bingo Card. I'm annoyed with myself that I always seem to forget these. I think they're fun.

Yeah, I do alter the squares a bit based on the most recent episodes but I try to keep it fair, lol. Like, there hasn't been a R&L D&D in a while so I may replace it with something else? Anyway, no Bingo this episode. When we last left off, Luke and Lawyer Lady With A Phone had returned to the diner after their date deep in a discussion about cheese. Jess is holding down the fort all by himself. I think about how if Jess and Rory were ever to move in together or get married their relationship would quickly implode when their polar opposite work ethics butted heads. You think Jess is going to be happy \working multiple jobs to pay the rent and bills while Rory is at home sitting on her spoiled ass. There's some gritty Literati realism for you. Luke snaps his fingers and orders his tired minimum wage slave nephew to pour Lawyer Lady a coffee. Jess offers to "Go out for an hour" so they can you know, play hide the pickle upstairs. Well that's certainly a nice gesture. What happens when the hour is up, by the way? Jess comes back home, now Luke has to shove his half naked date back out of the apartment before he gets back? Oh, Jess is definitely used to fleeing whenever his mother bought a man home while he was growing up, but I doubt Liz was ever considerate enough to actually give Jess subtle cues of Impending Sex, so, thank you Luke?

Thank you, I was hoping to get an idea of what time it actually was. WHY IS JESS WORKING AT 11:30 PM? (Also, Kirk is still there, and says he had been there for over four hours). Luke interrogates Jess about where he is "Going out" to at 11:30pm, but apparently sees nothing wrong with making him work past 11:30pm. Jess is slamming this hint over Luke's head just like the axe he slammed into Shane (RIP), Luke is either playing dumb or is actually dumb and doesn't pick up on it. Jess asks Luke if he "needs more time". Well, an hour is already pretty generous. How much time does Luke need to plow this lady? Big shot lawyer with a phone needs to be wined dined and 69'd. Wonder what Jess is going to do on his hour away from the coffee mines? Get up to some naughty second base hijinks with Rory? Oh, sorry Jess, you can't do that, because Rory can't say no to anyone, so she's currently asleep in a hospital waiting room with her mother, awaiting the birth of her Kinda A Sister whose existence means beans to her. Looks like it's jerking off in your car for you tonight, kid. Well, either that or a killing spree. Following up on that earlier threat towards Dean.

Luke smacking Jess upside the head outside is a glorious 2 seconds of television. But I mean, shouldn't Luke be thankful? He's doing you a favor. Do You WANT Jess to be home right now, Luke? Okay, I get it Luke. Even if you could get rid of Jess for a while, trying to perform sexually knowing your nephew could walk back through the door at any moment is definitely a boner killer and puts Jess in an equally precarious situation. (this is more or less the basis of an episode of King of Queens, by the way). The entire Jess & Luke living situation is a complete boner killer. Luke sabotages any chance of getting laid by marching the tired baby back into the diner where Jess makes things much less awkward by asking Luke in front of Nicole if Luke wants him to take an extra long shower instead. Where are Luke and Nicole going to pork then? Nowhere, that's where. This date's over. According to Luke earlier in the episode, he hasn't gotten laid in eons, and it doesn’t sound like Joanna Cooper put out.

Luke finally relieves Jess from his child-labor-law-violating shift and orders him upstairs, then (presumably) ends the date with Nicole. Looks like it's... jerking off in your car for you too, Luke. For some unknown reason Lorelai and Rory are still in the hospital waiting for GiGi to be born. Rory has fallen asleep in the waiting room. GO HOME!!!!! Crusty emerges in scrubs and Lor's Lorelai and then informs her of the birth of his child that she does not care about, nor is she a child that Lorelai is biologically related to. Crusty invites Lorelai to see Gigi in the nursery and says there's no need to wake Rory up which is for the best because she doesn't care about GiGi anyway.

As Crusty describes to Lor the sheer exhilaration of witnessing the birth of his Other More Valued Girl Child, Lorelai plasters on a fake smile and squashes down her homicidal rage towards Crusty, but that rage has never stopped her from boinking him over and over.

Welcome to the world, Geej. You are truly fucked, but at least you're not a Hayden. 4 things: One, the birth announcement lists her birth date as January 5th, even though it was established earlier that she came unexpectedly a week before February 7th. Was this the work of the same prop guy responsible for the Tomatos and On Sail signs? Two, they bestowed her with Sherry's last name instead of Christopher's. Three, Georgia was born at 1:17 am, which means by the time she's been birthed, cleaned up, spent time with Sherry, burrito'd in her blanky, and set up in the nursery its already hella later than that. It's gotta be at least 2am, dude. Maybe even 3. Lorelai, you and your kid have school and work in the morning. Neither of you have eaten or showered all night and you're stinking up the waiting room. Why didn't Sherry just agree to email you a picture of the kid or something? GO HOME!!!!

FOUR, where are Sherry's parents or any family members at all AND Christopher's parents? Here's a freshly birthed Rory. 20 inches long, 7lbs 4 ounces. Sign Guy got it right this time and didn't list her legal name as "Rory". But then she's named Rory on her police mugshot. You tried, Sign Guy. The show has been wholly consistent (as far I'm aware) with her birthdate being October 8th, 1984.

I'm impressed that they used real infants for this scene. First they used a real fish in the last episode, an upgrade from the Great Value CGI Fish earlier in the season, and now real babies. And they have the budget to pay a real life and fictional slimy worm named David Sutcliffe/ Crusty Hayden. The second to last flashback shows Fake Lorelai and Chess Club Crusty looking at Rory in the nursery. CCC says they should get married and Fake Lorelai hesitates. End of flashback. Just stick it out for another 23 years and Lorelai will be stupid and desperate enough to marry you, Crusty, and she'll have banged you several more times along the way too.

Yeah. She'll be just thrilled.

Crusty then plants a big fat kiss on Lorelai's face in front of his newborn with his fiancee who just birthed his kid a few feet down the hall, and Lorelai recoils. You slimy worm. Disgusting. Listen Geej, I know you're only an hour old, but blink twice if you need help, maybe we can Randall Pearson you into a nice new adoptive family. (Present Day) Lorelai starts to tear up, and it's unclear if it's because she's just been slimed by a worm or if it's due to the deep, deep trauma that dwells within her. Probably both. Cheer up Lorelai, you're living in the age of DVD players!

Security finally booted Lorelai and Rory from the hospital as Lorelai next shows up at Emily's house bright eyed and bushy tailed with that brand new state of the art dvd player she promised, and I strap myself in to hopefully hear all the delicious early 2000s technology references that are surely forthcoming. I am then disappointed.

Go ahead Lorelai. PLEASE say how much the DVD player cost in 2003. I am salivating. DANG. No dice. Lorelai offers to install the DVD player, Emily doesn't believe Lorelai capable of installing this futuristic piece of technology herself, Emily is happy that Lorelai bought a copy of one of her favorite movies, Lorelai is lightly pleased. Of course I Googled it. The average cost of a dvd player in 2003 was nearly 350 bucks! Final flashback. I have flashback fatigue, you guys. No more I say! Emily and Richard are all fancied up going to a ball or something at an undetermined time in the future-past. They can't find Lorelai. SURPRISE ABSCONDING, BITCHES! SHE GONE! GONE GONE. Gone to go live with her toddler in a shed behind a motel.

Did the show ever state why Lorelai and Rory, weren't you know, living indoors while Lorelai worked at the inn as a maid? In an inn with beds and running water? Mia employed a single teenage mother and said screw you and your baby, go live out back in the shed, these rooms are for paying customers! Anyway. The drama is about to be turnt up to eleventy for the remainder of season 3. I am wholly unprepared. It may be a long time before you see the words Swan Song. Maybe I'll try to come up with something else to fill the void?

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday wonderful fandom :) This episode. It doesn’t need much of an intro. I remember just being so excited I couldn’t stand it ha (how I'll be in 36 days for the premiere) I had to wait an extra day cause I have Hulu and not live cable. This one is just amazing from start to finish. Once again did my best to get everything in within the limits of tumblr. 30 is just never enough especially in this season ha Off we go.

5x10 The List

Our babies get the cold open as they should this is basically their episode. They deserve the open and what a cold open it is. I can’t get over how much I love them both emptying out their closets. I wanna break this down with Tim first then Lucy. Our boy is SO SO nervous it’s so cute I cannot stand it. He wants to look good for Lucy and I wanna squee so hard at that. He’s trying so hard for her and my heart is gonna implode.

My fav for him personally was the black shirt cause god damn he looked delectable in it. But they’re all fine af on him. Man is a delicious treat we all get to enjoy with our eyes. The way he stretches out his arms each time trying to calm his nerves. It’s so cute. Loved them showing how very nervous they both were. Be still my heart.

Let’s move to Lucy. She of course is just as nervous as Tim. It’s precious. I also adore the nod to previous moments for them as she looks at her dresses. The ones from wonderful moments such as 4x12 and 4x18. Lucy looking at them and rolling her eyes. Having just as much of a struggle as Tim. Saw a good parallel between this and Bailey with her first date with John. Wanting to look hot but not too hot. Ha She nails that BTW When she finally lands on her final choice.

Tim is nervous and uncertain so what does he do? He calls Lucy. Because he doesn’t know what to wear to this. What does one wear when they’re in love with their best friend and going on their first date? So he defaults to calling his best friend about his problem. It just so happens he’s also going to be on a date with said best friend. hehe I love them so much I might die haha

Lucy sees Tim calling and immediately picks up. Makes me happy how open and honest they are right off the bat. Tim knows she isn’t ready because he isn’t ready. Just knows her so damn well. Lucy asking if he’s ready? The cute panic in his voice when he says ‘No!’ Oh my lord I cannot. Eric crushed that line. His panic continuing through asking her if this place has a dress code?

Lucy deciding messing with him is more fun than helping him. Saying he could wear cargo shorts if he wanted….Tim believing her for a moment. Then realizing what she’s doing. Calling her out for it. He is all smiles when he does though. My goodness this man is happy. So very nice to see. I love his Lucy smile it does things to me. Lucy rolls her eyes but is beaming just as much at his reply. This scene is them being love struck idiots and I’m here for it.

He couldn’t be cuter asking her what she’s wearing? Trying his best to match up. Lucy tells him she has a lot of outfits she knows she isn’t going to wear. LOL Tim reminding her about traffic is the most married thing. Doesn’t want her to be late. To their first date. Which is beyond adorable in itself. They’re both so excited I’m feeling their excitement as they get ready.

Lucy says it’s silly she knows. She just needs to make a decision. Then decides to go with the iconic green dress from 3x14. Tim knows exactly what dress that is when she mentions it. The man is legit beaming when she says that's her pick. Have we ever seen this man this happy? The answer is no LOL

He is so damn excited they’re doing this. Her picking the dress means it’s really happening. Lucy tells him it’s decided then looks in the mirror and says ‘No…’ I was rolling so hard. Melissa and Eric CRUSHED this scene. Hell this entire episode really. Cracks me up she changed her mind last minute but it’s a damn good change up as we will see below.

The awkwardness that is them begins at the restaurant. Talking about bread and the assortment being good. LMFAO What are you guys doing? It’s so funny to see Tim being so incredibly not smooth. He could not be more obvious in checking her out above. Man likes what he see’s and isn’t being subtle about it at all. Elevator gaze and no shame in the game as he does.

Lucy’s little shimmy. I’m dying. She’s very glad she decided to change from the green dress. As she should my god what a bombshell she is in that outfit. Holy hell. She nailed it. Shows off her body, plunging neckline, with the perfect necklace, and just enough cleavage she got Tim checking her out shamelessly.

Lucy came to play with this dress. She knew exactly what she was doing when she picked that whole outfit out. I think she’s very excited he’s checking her out. There’s a look of pride on her face above. Lucy knew she was driving him wild and was feeling pretty damn powerful in this moment. She has Tim Bradford panting after her. So she should be feeling as such. Well done my friend haha

Let's not over look Tim looking fine af too. I see you Tim. Mighty delicious. You know him looking hot as hell is part of Lucy's nerves as well. He dressed that way for her. So you know that's making her feel some things. They try and do some small talk and it’s quite painful tbh lmao. No one does awkward better than Eric and Melissa though. Talking about what they ordered for dinner. It's so awkward but I love it so much at the same time. Why you ask?

Because this means so much to the both of them. Neither of them want to mess it up or say the wrong thing. So they’re radiating nervous jitters. Which is adorable. Lucy answers his question that she ordered the sea bass. Tim continuing the small talk train replying he almost ordered the sea-bass.... Lucy’s reply ‘Oh, cool…’ Is it though? LOL I’m rolling at how stilted this whole conversation is. Not like them at all.

Lucy points out the awkwardness between them because she can’t not. Asking him why this is so weird? Poor Tim the panic and gulping he does when she says this. We see his eyes bulge a little too. He’s so worried she’s going to want to bail on this now. That she is regretting doing this at all. He wants this to work so badly. He’s afraid he’s messed this up already. My poor love. He is so nervous that it spills into his next comment. Awkward Tim is hilariously adorable.

He instantly regrets saying ‘Naked time.’ the minute it leaves his beautiful lips. You can see it written all over his face. Being as smooth as crunchy peanut butter my love... He has sex on the brain because of that outfit. Hence his comment. She looks so beautiful his brain is actually melting LOL Lucy is smiling so hard at his nervousness though. She loves her goober so much. Lucy knows how he is feeling what she is. So she doesn’t give him too much crap for the comment but her face and reply say it all for her haha

Lucy decides this is the time for them to have convo about expectations. I commend her for sharing this right away. It was good for her to set this boundary early on. These two are one massive boiling cauldron of UST ready to overflow. It was an important tone for her set for them. Lucy is just wanting them to date first. See what it is like to be a couple before entering into the physical part of this all. This really was a smart move on her part IMO.

We all love the sexy times and we get lots of it this season. But it was important they took their time like they did. Just like I was glad they didn’t get together in 5x01. I was glad they didn't rush this either. Delayed gratification is a beautiful thing. I LOVE how Tim is staring so lovingly at her as she says all this. That man would’ve done ANYTHING she wanted in this moment. Absolutely anything. He could not be more in love with her if he tried. Look at that man above as she speaks.

Looking like she hung the moon and stars. He would do whatever it is she wanted. Because he’s so gone for her. Lucy could’ve asked for the world and he would've delivered just simply because she asked. There is no hesitation or regret on his face. He is truly listening and wanting to do whatever she is comfortable with. Eric just crushing it out here with his facial expressions. He would give her whatever she wants whenever she wants it. That’s what his face is screaming to me In this moment. She has him hook, line and sinker.

Tim hears the back door open and looks up. Lucy sees the panic on his face and gives him crap for it. Asking if he’s worried someone from station will see them? Tim shrugs it off and says 'What are the chances? ' A fight breaks out in the kitchen and Lucy seems worried about it. Tim tries to play it off not wanting it to interrupt their date.

He just wants this date to go well so badly. Doesn’t want whatever this is to get in the way. Sadly it doesn’t go their way and the employees end up fighting and knife is drawn. Unfortunately the cops are called and their dinner is ruined. Lucy making the comment ‘What are the chances someone from the station walks in now?’ HA

They both look so sad and exasperated their date was ruined like this. All they wanted was to enjoy a meal together. Figure this whole thing out while they did so. AMAZING cold open for them though holy hell. Excellent way to open up this episode for them. Lots of goodness in it. I knew we were in for quite a ride from getting all that in the open alone.

The next morning they could not be more suspicious or obvious if they tried. Trying to figure out how to explain their presence in the police report. This whole scene is hilarious. It’s like they don’t know the entire station doesn’t suspect something to begin with…Trying so hard not to stand super close to each other while they figure this out. They’re so bad at hiding this it’s insane. So good at their jobs so very bad at this. I love Lucy just wanting to be open and honest about them. Chris had to drag every single moment out of her for months. Was like pulling teeth. Half a date with Tim she’s ready to shout it from the rooftops.

*sigh* I love this sfm. Tim warns her the dangers of them doing that this early on. He’s not wrong about Smitty LMFAO. It’s so true. Lucy’s brain kicks into gear saying could’ve been doing a UC OP. Tim getting excited by her brain. They start flirting while figuring this out. Their chemistry just coming off them in waves. The back and forth banter as they work out the details. The irony of them being all smiles and flirty while trying to hide their date. I cannot with these two dorks. Tim is beaming with love and pride by the time they’re done plotting.

Once again so bad at hiding your feelings and or relationship you two so bad…I saw a funny post saying this scene was a 'How to on not being good at hiding your secret relationship. ' LMAO YEP. John arriving and Lucy just going off about their OP without him even asking. I’m dying so much it’s hilarious. Tim going into protect Lucy mode when John is confused is everything. Telling Nolan decisively 'Nothing.' When he questions what they're talking about? Mmm tell him babe. Doesn’t want Nolan on their trail whatsoever. Good thing it was John though cause dude didn’t notice at all. He is a space cadet so they dodge a bullet.

They get called into Grey’s office for a heart attack basically. The way he starts off you think he is talking about them. The absolute panic on both of their faces. Especially Tim’s oh my lord. I love how Tim goes to reach out to comfort Lucy and has to stop himself. Now does Grey know at this point? I mean yeah probably.

I know lots of people think Grey was being a troll in this moment. Poking at them and knowing for sure when he had this talk with them. To gauge their reactions. I mean they are showing their cards like crazy in this scene. Their reactions alone are enough to solidify what I’m sure Grey suspects.

Luckily he says he’s just talking about Celia and Aaron. We watch them both relax and deflate their anxiety a bit. So happy Grey isn’t talking about them in this moment. He asks them if they’ll go and talk about this with them? Doesn’t want Celina to get off track in her rookie year. That Aaron is just out of long sleeves. They’re both so relieved they just say yes LMAO They would've agreed to anything to get out of his office at that point.

Tim holding the door for her my damn heart. Chivalry isn't dead with that man and I love it. There was a BTS post on how Eric wanted Tim to do that for her. Because well Tim Bradford and all that. It's just who he is. Of course he would hold the door for his girl. This next scene is pure married energy. Tim dreading having to have this conversation with Aaron. The last thing he wants to be doing but doesn't have a choice now that he's agreed HA

Lucy feeling it’s hypocritical if she tells Celina not to. Then realizes she can use Nolan to her advantage LMAO Smart woman being smart. Tim calls her out for cheating haha Or is she just being strategic Timothy? Lucy leaves him in the dust before he can pout any further with her. Tim being the exasperated husband as she walks away from him with her plan in place. Her 'Mmhmm.' as she leaves lol

We rejoin our beautiful couple on the sidelines of a hostage situation. One of the guys from Nyla’s bank robber situation has taken one. They’re all in a standoff waiting to see what they should do. Lucy commenting on the severity of the situation. Trying to make a light joke. Saying 'Remember when dating in secret was their biggest problem?' Love her using ‘Our’ it’s the little things.

Lucy asking him how his talk with Aaron went? Tim bringing up all the things that make their situation ‘problematic.’ To say the least. Yeah it sucks they have to face this stuff. But nothing worth having is ever easy. I love them forging forward despite this. Because as they decided in 5x08. They are worth the risk.

They needed time to figure this out despite the possible complications. So yeah there were potential problems but they were worth the risk of all those. They both knew it. It's why they didn’t bail at the first sign of possible issues. I just love it. It’s what makes 5x12 and the decision Tim makes so prominent and special.

They end up saving the woman who was taken hostage earlier. Unfortunately there is still two more on the run. Tim and Aaron get wind of them and end up in a parking structure. They make it to the top and don’t see them waiting for them. They push them to the very edge and leave them hanging. Literally. This is where Aaron becomes a damn icon. LOL

When Tim tells him to get out of the shop Aaron’s reply is the actual best. We all knew he suspected but this line of his confirms it. Also he’s not wrong…Lucy would kill him for letting Tim die. Kills me Aaron always telling it like it is to Tim. I love him so very much. He’s just saying what everyone is thinking. Being the mouth piece for the fandom once again. Tim doesn’t deny it but tells him to get out of the shop. LMFAO

They make it back to the station and Lucy is of course with Tim. Like a moth to a flame. Telling him she’s glad he didn’t die. Since he owes her for a re-do on their date. Tim being as sassy as can be in his reply. First off could they be any closer in this shot? Second the smirks and flirting are telling everyone in that bullpen what you’re trying so hard to hide you two lol my god. Tim is eating it up her wanting another date and it shows.

She is once again affectionately violent in her reply with Tim. He is all smiles when she says this too. The man is an open book of love for her. He couldn’t be happier with this banter going into their ‘second’ date. Anyone watching them can see something has changed but they're too lost in their own banter to notice that. Damn I love these two goobers so very much I might implode haha

Ahhhhh the Treats of Vietnam scene. I can’t get over how damn close these two are. It’s why that far away shot of them is my avatar. They are as close as two people can be in public sitting across from each other. She is basically sitting between his legs and I’m losing my mind about it everyone. Bouncing her leg against his. Legs for days and I'm ship drunk off this alone tbh. Also want to comment on how much I love the lighting in this scene.

The lights above them set this beautiful relaxed tone I adore so much. Tim making a slight joke thinking it's funny this where they ended up. Going from a super fancy romantic restaurant to a food truck. Saying he guesses this is their official first date. Lucy coming in hot with a curveball of an answer. Blowing his damn mind like only she can. Saying last night was for sure. Better story for the grandkids.

I love her face after she says this. Just gauging his reaction. No regrets whatsoever in saying this. This is the same Lucy Chen who couldn’t handle calling Chris her his GF. Legit panicked about it and fought him on it. Was one giant commitment issue with that boy. Half a date with Tim she’s thinking about grandkids with him. Lucy said she wanted to take it slow in the bedroom. She didn’t say anything about their life plans LOL *squee* She is so all in and this line screams that. Makes my shipper heart so damn happy.

Tim isn’t at all upset about her reply. This man was in a relationship with a woman who didn’t want any of that. Didn’t want any of his dreams. Now here comes Lucy Chen. Talking about grandkids on their second date. His face is pure joy. His dreams coming true with this woman next to him. He is beside himself with happiness. It’s written all over his face. Tim is giddy really. Lucy’s cute giggle afterwards I cannot. Her man making her laugh *heart clutch*

These two are gonna kill me with their cuteness. Give me diabetes from how sweet they are. Lord. Tim having cop eyes can’t help but see the idiot trying to break into a car. Says his frustration out loud. The last thing he wants is another interruption with his girl. Lucy is so lost in her date with Tim she doesn’t even see this guy. Which I love. She is so wrapped up in him her cop eyes are off. Not seeing this guy on her radar at all.

Tim doesn’t even get up from their spot. Just yells at the moron and shows his badge. Not wanting to do more than that. Lucy pointing out he’s just going to steal a car in another neighborhood. Which Tim could care less about tbh. The only thing that matters to him in this moment is her. It’s why this next line is so god damn romantic. We truly see how far Tim has come in this moment.

Why is this growth you ask? Because Tim ‘rules matters’ Bradford is picking his girl in this moment. She is more important than chasing some punk for breaking into a car. To touch back on an OTP line from S2. ‘Some things matter more.’ Lucy matters more in this moment to him. More than anything else and he’s letting her know that. Telling her in his own way she matters more to him.

I’m losing my ever loving mind at how romantic this is. I adore him declaring this and being the one to initiate their first real kiss. Lucy looks so in shock. Wondering if this is real life? Did Tim Bradford just pick her over arresting someone? Over the rules? He sure did and he would do it again. Nothing is going to stand in his way of being with her tonight.

Gah it’s the way he softly touches her hair and gently cups her face with his hand. Looking at her like she is the most precious thing in the world to him. Because she is. Let’s be honest she is. Lucy brought this man back to life in so many ways. There is nothing more important to him especially in this moment than her. Never be over her face when he touches her hair. Like she can't believe Tim is looking at her the way he is.

I adore Lucy smiling into this kiss. I’m sure she can’t believe her own luck right now. The man she loves, loves her right back and chose her in this moment. Over everything else he wanted to stay present in this moment with her. His hand on her face while the other is on her THIGH. Her thigh everyone. His love for her thighs continues on in this first real kiss. It was bouncing earlier against his. I'm sure he put it there partly to ground her during this kiss. Also because we all know he has a penchant for them hehe

I’ll never be over how tender and soft this kiss is. The complete opposite of the two they’ve shared before. Those were hot don’t get me wrong so very hot. But this one has a lovely tenderness to it that makes me giddy. The wind soft picking up her hair as they melt into one another. It’s the perfect first kiss. His hand in her hair, his other on her thigh, Lucy smiling dreamily into their kiss. I am a puddle.

It just shows it was never about the right restaurant or outfit. It was just about being together. This scene showing how at ease these two are with each other. That’s beautiful base of friendship they built over the years coming in clutch here. They just look at home with each other this entire scene. *dreamy sigh* Makes my soul happy.

If you didn't watch this scene million and one times when it premiered you're lying haha Hell I did it this time around. I remember losing my damn mind with this scene. Never be over how easily they went from friends to this. Every moment leading up to this is utter perfection. Beautiful start to something more.

~~~

Side notes -Non Chenford

Nolan’s conversation with Celina was so painfully awkward and hilarious I loved her reply to him asking about Aaron she crushed it.

Also Tim is sexy af figuring out how to get that woman out from her car like he did. Mmm love watching that man in the field. Delicious to say the least to watch him in action.

Aaron and Celina playing D & D 😂😂😂 made me laugh so hard. Aaron is SO embarrassed.

I forgot to thank you all last episode. Apologies thank you all who continue to support these reviews. I adore you all more than you will ever know. Your likes, comments and reblog are everything to me. Especially as I tackle these seminal moments in s5. I shall see you all in 5x11 :)

[bangtanhoneys]

BTS & Grace: Bed Time

Note: I've got a bit of writer's block and there's a lack of inspiration so I thought this might help me get back into the swing of things. Enjoy!

SEOKJIN

They somehow managed to get the same hotel room. That was a miracle in itself since she was normally roomed with one of the maknae line so she could keep an eye on them and Seokjin was normally with Yoongi or Namjoon. They had also been given a double bed though it came with a side-eye look from their manager when he handed them the room key. 

Grace let out a groan as she flung her tired body onto the bed, ignoring the fact that she was still wearing her travelling clothes, that she hadn’t taken a shower and that she hadn’t unpacked yet. 

She felt a light tap to her shoe and opened one eye, seeing Seokjin standing there with his hands on his hips. He was about to go into Dad mode, she could see the words forming already and she knew exactly what he was about to say.

“I know, I know. I need to go shower,” she sighed and reached out her hands with a slight pout.

“Then up and at it,” he grinned and tugged her up. “It’s nearly bedtime. Go shower while I deal with these suitcases and we can watch that episode we missed.”

“Room service as well?” she asked, turning on the bathroom light and wincing at how bright it was.

“Wedges, I’m guessing?” he called out, pulling open his suitcase to grab his pyjamas and laying them over the radiator. 

“You know me well,” Grace yelled back as she ran her shower. It took all of 30 minutes to have a quick shower, do her skincare routine and come out to find the TV was on, wedges had been delivered with plenty of dips and Seokjin in his pyjamas with a facemask on.

“That never stops being hilarious,” she giggled at his facemask as she pulled her own pyjamas on and crawled into bed, taking the bowl of wedges with a happy sigh. Seokjin’s arm landed around her shoulder, tugging her close while he turned to their program they had been watching on the plane. 

YOONGI

“Are you sure you’re okay with me being in the same bed? Won’t hyung get mad?”

Grace levelled Yoongi a dead stare which had him shutting up and climbing under the covers with a slight bit of difficulty as his arm was currently in its brace. He had been having bad nights recently where he was struggling to roll over, to get to sleep, to then wake up and get out of bed to go and get a drink or go to the bathroom. So every morning he was waking up, more tired than when he had gone to bed. 

Grace being Grace had taken one look and went into worry mode. 

“Yoongi, just get in the bed. No Seokjin won’t get mad, in fact he suggested it and if you didn’t want to, he’d be sleeping with you. So shut up and get yourself comfortable,” Grace said as she turned on the bedside lamp that was next to Yoongi and handed him the remote control for the TV. 

The great thing about being the only female and the eldest, it meant that she had her own room with a double bed, with a TV and right next door to the bathroom so she normally got to the shower first. 

“I’ll go and get some water. Pick something to watch and I’ll be back in a moment,” she said as she closed the door behind her. 

Yoongi sighed and shuffled against the pillows that had been propped up for his shoulder, doing what his sister had told him and turning on the TV to flick to some documentary they had watched ages go. 

“Ya! Go to bed! We’re up early in the morning,” he heard Seokjin yell in the hallway, followed by the giggles of Jimin and Taehyung then the deep laughter of Jungkook. 

“No Kookie, you can’t sleep with me tonight,” Yoongi heard Grace sigh outside of the door. “Yoongi is with me tonight. Sleep with your Jin-hyung.” There was a loud groan that echoed around Grace’s bedroom as she opened the door and closed it again. 

“Why have children when you have the maknae line,” she grumbled to herself as she put two water bottles on the table and shut off the main light. “I might as well buy a king size bed and everyone can sleep in here,” she continued while climbing underneath the covers. 

There came no reply from Yoongi so she glanced over to find him fast asleep, covers pulled up to his chin. She chuckled and reached over, turning off the light. “Good night then.”

HOBI

Grace and Hobi had their nighttime routine down to a fine art. Regardless of whether it was in the dorms or in the hotels, most nights they would meet outside the bathroom at around the same time to do their nightly skin routine. It had become a joke with the rest of them that the bathroom would be unavailable for around forty minutes at around 9pm at night. 

First, they put on the fluffy headbands to push back their hair. Grace had an orange one with fox ears and Hobi had a brown one with squirrel ears. Then it was all about cleansing their skin of all the makeup and products that had been on their skin for the day. 

They never spoke, never said anything about their day or the boys or any gossip. Just worked through their routine as Hobi’s playlist played in the background. 

Then it was the toner, eye cream, a serum and finally moisturiser. 

They worked together in unison to hand each other the products, help where they needed to whether it was the toner or the serum because that stuff was just waiting to get in their eyes. Sometimes an extra pair of hands were needed when one of them forgot about their contact lenses. 

With all that done, Grace washed her hands and paused when she realised Hobi was putting on a facemask. “All that and you put on a face mask?” she asked, puzzled as to why they had done their routine only for Hobi to pull out a face mask.

“It adds more moisture to my skin. It’s been really dry lately with the cold weather,” he explained as she grabbed the packet to read what it was and what it did. 

“Oh, I thought you were trying to make your skin less oily or something,” she grinned and laughed when he gave her a good shove. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, Hobi. Same time tomorrow?” she asked as she opened the door, tugging off her headband.

“Same time as always noona. I’ll grab you some face masks tomorrow while I’m out. You could do with some more moisturising.”

NAMJOON

 Normally they’d be seated by alphabetical order so Grace normally had the first seat if they went in order of surnames. On this flight to America though, Grace found herself sitting next to Namjoon as they entered first class.

“The originals,” Namjoon grinned as found their seats, dumping his carry on the floor then kicking it underneath his seat.

“The originals,” Grace chuckled as she got herself comfortable for what was going to be a very long flight. They’d be arriving at 8:30 in the morning and with a quick glance at her watch, it was only 2:30pm. With a long sigh, Grace changed out of her sneakers and into the slippers provided. 

Take off wasn’t too bad and she wasted no time in turning her chair into its bed format which allowed her to stretch her legs out fully.

 “Ah, noona?”

Grace chuckled under her breath as she knew what had happened. Namjoon had obviously gone to follow suit and stretch out his chair into a bed but didn’t quite know how to do it or was afraid of breaking something or maybe even losing his passport that was safely tucked into her bag.

Without saying a word, Grace got onto her knees and reached round to hit the switch that did exactly what Namjoon had been about to ask for.

“How did you know?” he asked, climbing onto the bed and stretching out his long legs as much as he could.

“Like you said, originals.” 

They both managed to find a film together to watch and as if they were twins, they settled in the same exact position with the same exact look on their face. However, about half an hour in, Grace felt Namjoon reach over and gently link their fingers together. It had been a little habit of theirs in the early days when they had to go and face the big executives together, both nervous as hell so they instinctively reached for each other's hands. 

Yoongi found them an hour later, fast asleep, still fingers linked so he took a quick photo and sent it to the group chat with the message ‘goodnight from your leaders.’

JIMIN

Jimin hadn’t wanted to admit it but he was sick. Sick as a dog and likely to infect everyone else in the dorm as they all slept in one room. The perfect breeding ground for illnesses that could threaten the schedule of a trainee who was already unsure if they would make it.

That was Jimin - every week there was a meeting as to whether he was going to continue being a trainee and a possible member for the new group that would later become BTS. And the fact that he was as sick as he was made life even worse, because that meant he couldn’t go and train, couldn’t dance, couldn’t sing.

He was sure this would be the perfect excuse for the company to get rid of him. 

The rest of the boys had left him on his bunk bed, coughing into his pillow as his body fought the fever, leaving him in a puddle of his own sweat. They couldn’t afford much medicine and what they had scrounged was already on his bedside table. 

Desperate times called for desperate measures. 

Grace quietly let herself into the dorm that was just down the hallway from her own very small place. It smelt of stale food, teenage boys, sweaty feet and rotten eggs. There were shoes everywhere, a pile of clothes that needed to be washed in the corner and the dishes from the past two days piled up. 

Tutting to herself, Grace went into the bedroom. 

“Dear me,” she sighed as she opened the tiny window to let some air in and then she got to work. Dishes cleaned and put away, the clothes in the wash, another window opened. Some fresh fruit and soup were ordered and delivered, new bedding that had yet to be dried was dried and put on the beds. With that all done, she turned to Jimin.

It took a lot to coax him out of his bed and into the shower but she just about managed it, shushing him when he got embarrassed about how she had to undress him where he stood but he was just too weak.

Finally, after what felt like an age, Grace got him back into his bed but this time on top of clean covers and already feeling a hell of a lot better than he did that morning.

“Come on, scoot over,” she said as she gently nudged his side so she could climb over and lay down on the bunk bed with her back against the wall.

“You’ll get sick,” Jimin whispered but she took no notice, wrapping her arms around his thin chest and pulling him close. 

“Don’t worry, just go to sleep.”

TAEHYUNG

They had two hours to go until they were called for their slot and each member had taken to a chair, settled down and went to sleep. With their gruelling schedule it was hard to find five minutes just to close your eyes and get enough energy to power on with what you were just about to do. 

But Taehyung, as much as he lay at an awkward angle and closed his eyes, sleep just wasn’t coming. He was hyped up, ready to go, ready to perform, ready to see ARMY, ready to give the camera what it wanted. He could just keep going and going until they pulled up at their dorm at a god forsaken hour. 

He opened his eyes and saw only five minutes had passed. A hand reached out to try and find his phone but then he realised their managers had taken their phones away when it was time to take a nap so he couldn’t even play on his game to pass the time. 

Slowly he looked around the room to see everyone fast asleep. 

His eyes landed on his noona who had her arms folded underneath her chest, head tilted back against the back of the couch she had picked with Namjoon sitting next to her in a similar position. She had ended up leaning against his arm, trapping him in place but that didn’t seem to bother the tired leader as he let out a low snore.

As quietly as he could, Taehyung got up and tiptoed his way over to settle down on the couch next to his noona. He curled up in the space provided and rested his head on Grace’s lap, letting out a deep breath to relax. 

He jumped however when he felt a hand rest on his head, opening his eyes to find Grace looking down at him. She winked and closed her eyes again, her fingers threading through his already styled locks to help him soothe off to sleep. 

It took a few minutes but Taehyung was able to finally relax and sleep with the rest of them, all in the safe hands of his noona. 

JUNGKOOK

Jungkook quietly moved down the hospital hallways. It was late at night and there weren’t many people around, including the staff who barely spared him a glance as he headed towards his destination which was just down the next hallway. 

Grace had given birth to her and Seokjin’s daughter yesterday and while the boys had been quick to visit, they had also left the couple alone to experience their first hours as parents alone. Yet for Jungkook, who had been an anxious mess the moment he heard Grace was in labour, it had been hard for him to walk away. 

So after his schedule, he headed straight to the hospital.

As quietly as he could, he pushed opened the door and slid inside. There was only one dull lamp on and one set of curtains was open to let in the moonlight that was currently over Seoul, the city still rumbling along even if it was 1am. Seokjin was fast asleep in the pull out bed, covers pulled up to his chin with his feet sticking out. 

Baby Bora was also fast asleep in her little plastic cot and Jungkook wandered over, making sure her tiny socks were on her feet. He took a good look at what he considered his baby sister and took note of her features, seeing the likeness of his hyung but also his noona. 

And finally, he turned to what many considered to be his mother. It had been a gruelling 48 hour labour so it was no surprise she was fast asleep, on her side so she was facing her new baby. As silent as he could, Jungkook shed his coat and his boots and sat down in the chair. 

It took a bit of manoeuvring on his part but his head rested near Grace’s and only then could he finally relax. The worry over the past couple of days washed especially when he felt a blanket being draped over his shoulders by his hyung and Grace reaching over to take hold his hand. 

It was just nice to be with his family at bedtime.  

[divorcedfiddleford]

Random but - if you were given an opportunity to rewrite Ford's character and his arc in the show (and later J3), how would it be like?

canon gay and trans

so the thing is that i think most of how ford himself is written is really really good! i just think that the writers (particularly alex) have a bias against him, and so a lot of the narrative ends up feeling like he's either being punished or being forced to atone for his past. so i'm gonna ramble and daydream for a bit but i want to be clear i actually really like how he's written in general (yes, even in the book that i have so much beef with!!)

there's very few moments of catharsis for him, and those that he gets are either short (reunion with fiddleford) or undermined by the writers' bias (the ending of journal 3 where he burns all his bill stuff but has to keep reminding us that he was stupid for trusting bill in the first place). so i think a lot of the problems i have would be resolved with tonal shifts and a few cuts, like that fucking scene in the stanchurian candidate with the mind control tie. the implication of reaganite ford is bad enough but then to have a guy who has very specific trauma relating to being mind controlled/not being in control of his own body just hand that over is really fucking stupid. then again i think that whole episode is stupid so i'd end up rewriting all of it lmao

i've said before but if i really had my way i'd cut roadside attraction entirely and replace it with another ford episode. i loved how goofy and fun dd&md was and i think if more of that lighthearted side of him was shown it would endear him to the audience more. a long time ago i had an idea for an episode where they go back to the bunker and ford basically does puppy talk to the shapeshifter who is actively trying to kill them. i never followed this idea through to its conclusion but i think it still sounds entertaining, plus it would also give more time for him to reunite with fiddleford so it wouldn't have to be squeezed in the finale.

speaking of the finale... my personal fantasy is that i'd love to have a scene stuck in there where stan apologizes to ford. it REALLY stood out to me that despite all their fighting, ford still at least says the words "i'm sorry" to stan. stan never apologizes for anything he did to ford - neither for breaking his project, nor for banishing him to the hell dimension for 30 years. i get that they were mistakes, but you still have to apologize for mistakes (and if i allow myself to get very self-indulgent for a second, i've often thought the whole story would be a lot more resonant if stan broke ford's machine on purpose). i had a whole section in here where i talked about what a scene like this would look like but it was so long... if people want to hear more about it i'll say more but it's the kind of thing that warrants its own post.

anyway. moving on from the show itself. so possibly my hottest take is that i think journal 3 should not have been published KJSHDFLGKHSDFGUIWEHRGJSDF. basically i think instead of trying to write the actual journal 3 they should have picked a handful of stories from his research era that they wanted to tell and made a graphic novel about that. i got WAAAAAAAYYYY off topic and wrote PARAGRAPHS about this but it's not related to the question you asked so i'll just summarize by saying i think it would play more to their strengths as writers, leave more to the imagination, and they could leave out all those fucking retcons that i hate

as it is, though, again, i think that ford is written pretty well in the journal. there are a few off-handed comments and lines that give me "he would not fucking say that" vibes but overall it very realistically portrays what it's like for someone to be manipulated, isolated, drawn away from his loved ones, etc. it's a very poignant story which resonated with a lot of people, myself included. again my main problem is that it's undercut with the writers being like "BROOOOO HE'S JUST LIKE ICARUS!! FLEW TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN!!!!!!!!" as though it's all his fault, and that it ends on a very moralizing "i learned my lesson" note. so really the biggest characterization problems i have with journal 3 have to do with fiddleford, but that's a whole other can of worms

anyway i hope this was... interesting? informative?? i hope i answered your question to your satisfaction. have a nice day :)

[clairedaring]

I'm intrigued by you are my lover friend. I know it's a slow burn but what's their vibe like? I love ships where they both put each other first and take care of one another but that's not cdramas forte in my experience they prefer the down bad loser in love guy and the independent girl who doesn't invest as much in the relationship.

hi nonnie! I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!! 🤩

it's THE MOST PERFECT portrayal of best friends to lovers in 2024 is all i want to scream about. i hope you don't mind me mildly spoiling stuff.

so in episode 1, the ep opens with ML literally dragging FL out of bed to get her to work and you see him doing all these very "not just normal friend-level" care taking gestures and it gives this illusion that it's a typical 'guy has been in love with girl all these years' but it's NOT. they take care of each other very well, maybe the ML's actions is depicted more but FL does care for him just as much imho (shown in very small things like FL taking days off work to take care of ML).

each episode ends with a flashback of their past and we gradually get an idea of how they became best friends in their high school years and have the strong bonds that they do in the present.

one of my favorite things about their dynamic is that they have really healthy and open communication. there's a lot of moments in the drama where ML and FL pick up the smallest details about the other, very observant of the other feelings. it's such a prominent part of their relationship that FL even mentions it in later episodes after they got together.

and they never shy away from apologizing even with smallest things like skipping a hangout/date

there are very swoon-worthy moments after they get together as well.

but what i like most is that even once they got together, their "friends" dynamic doesn't really change, they just become a lot sweeter, have more physical skin ship and more legitimate reasons to justify their sweet talking with each other and why they spend all their time together (and i mean like every second, as in fl has more than an hour of lunch before her afternoon meeting and she still chooses to go to ml's company just to see him =)))))).

it's healing from start to end, even if the business side plot can get a bit boring at time but i think it served the main storyline well. the story kept me hooked because i love both FL and ML so much. they just have so much trust and respect for each other as individuals. that aspect really shines in the later arc from ep 24-ep 30 (end) after they start kissing and doing relationships stuff. i won't spoil but i love that there's a moment in ep 28 where ML makes this huge statement about how he respects FL as an individual and her choices, parallel-ing something FL also said in earlier eps. i just- ಥ_ಥ

tldr: PLEASE WATCH YOU ARE MY LOVER FRIEND. EVEN IF IT'S SLOW BURN I THINK IT'S REALLY WORTH IT.

[marilearnsmandarin]

I've recently finished watching The Princess Royal (度华年) on netflix.

Basic premise of the show:

Lots! of familiar faces from other shows (and familiar characters? The servants are literally the same from New Life Begins)

The leads are all children to me. Though I think the actors did a decent job in portraying people with more experience than their physical age.

I enjoyed the court politics but was bored with the romance. Thought the ml was really boring and could have been cut out from the story lmao (张凌赫 fans will probably have a great time though).

The story dragged a bit in my opinion, with a few ridiculous funny moments here and there. Until episode 30 I was watching sometimes half an episode a day, until it finally picked up pace and made me want to binge the last 10 episodes.

I felt like watching a modern drama next so I started watching She and her Girls (山花烂漫时). Lots of people are raving about it and I like it so far. Also has Lots! of familiar faces (especially if you've seen Love Like the Galaxy).

[thisisarcanereverie]

When the World Went to Shit (Chapter 4)

Joel Miller x FEM! Reader

A/N: this is a SPOILER WARNING, this contains spoliers from the third episode (and more to come). This is a day late, watched episode 5 last night for the first time and I needed a moment oh my god. I was barely ready to write about episode 3, now I have to look forward to episode 5. I am already in tears over it.

WARNINGS: Canon level of violence, swears, reader is ready to fight a goddamn child, Joel is sad, talks of grief, PTSD, brief mentions of gore, Eventual Smut, pining (on both ends), grumpy idiots in love, reader is in her late 30's to early to mid 40's. Major character deaths. DISCLAIMER NO CHARACTERS/GIFS/PICS USED ARE MINE.

Summary: 20 years later after the world went to shit you, Joel, and Tess have to take 14 year old Ellie to the Firefly base outside of Boston QZ. What was supposed to be a simple plan turned into something much more complicated.

Prev. Chapter

Moving on was often easier said than done. 

You don’t know how long you walked before finally resting. However, once you did your very bones felt like cement bricks weighing you down. You weren’t as young as you were before everything went to shit, you’ve lost too much to have that kind of energy anyways. 

Tess. 

There were times during the walk where you almost turned to look for Tess only to remind yourself of the fiery inferno that you had just left behind. You looked at Joel, who sat next to the bank of the stream alone in front of you. He was silent, which didn’t surprise you. He didn’t talk for days after Sarah died, he didn’t eat, he hardly slept, he would only look ahead like he was now. But you looked behind you to see Joel's coat draped over Ellie, it practically engulfed her small frame. You hoped she didn’t blame herself, it wasn’t her fault and you knew that. 

You blamed yourself though, you should’ve said something sooner. You shouldn’t have had her tackle the clicker, you should’ve just shot it, this was all your fault. 

You look up and blink away the tears that were forming, no, this was not the time for this. You loved Tess, but you all knew what you were getting into and what the risks were leaving the QZ. You just hoped she found peace, in those final moments and now. You hoped she was somewhere quiet and with her son. 

You decided to busy yourself, you grabbed the empty water bottles with the intention of filling them up by the stream. You knelt down on the damp stones, near where the water brushes and began examining it. You thanked the stars that your uncles taught you how to look for clean water. You grabbed some of the cool water, checking for any cloudiness or suspicious debris, once that checked out you moved on to step two and smelled it checking for any unnatural odor, the only thing you smelled was the pine from the trees and the crispness of the air. You proceeded to unscrew the water bottles and fill them up, you tried to busy your mind with your surroundings as you did. Trying not to think about Tess, or Joel, or Ellie, or everyone else that you lost. Your mind took in the scent of the pine and the crispness of the air despite the clear skies. Winter was going to come early, you could tell. 

After you had finished filling everyone's cantines you started back only to pause by a tree. It faced the stream and its branches filtered the light of the sun. You stayed there a moment and picked at the bark, it was soft enough to etch in. You set down the containers and grabbed the knife you always kept with you and etched Tess’s name into the bark. Deep enough for it to remain for a long time. People don’t have graves anymore, at least, not the typical ones with stones, so you hoped that the tree would suffice. Tess’s body might not be under that tree, but her name was. And maybe that was all that mattered. 

You took in a deep breath, taking in one last look at her name before grabbing the water bottles and walking back where Ellie and Joel were. They didn’t need to know about the tree, and if you knew Joel as well as you think you did, you were sure that he had already made a grave for Tess himself. 

You gave Ellie her container, she said a silent thank you as she grabbed it, you nodded at her before going to give Joel his. He accepted it wordlessly, grunting instead. 

“So,” you start as you take a sip of the cool water before putting the cantine in your bag, “where are we taking her?” 

“Bill and Franks,” Joel doesn’t look at you as he answers, “they’ll take care of her there.” 

You couldn’t argue with that, you were meaning to visit them soon anyways. Bill was overdue for a checkup and you wanted to see how Frank’s condition was progressing. There was no cure for it, even before the outbreak, but maybe it had slowed. 

But that was unlikely. 

“It should only be a four, maybe three hour walk from here.” You gave a generalized guess as you leaned against the tree across from Joel who still wouldn’t look at you. 

“It’ll be five,” Joel corrected, “we’re going to stay here for another ten minutes before we start walking again. If everything works out right we’ll be at Bill and Franks before nightfall.” you nod as you sit on the base of the tree as you wait, listening to the sound of birds as you take the piece of ration jerky that Joel offers you with a small thanks. Munching on the dry, flavorless piece of meat before handing the rest to Ellie. 

“I’ve never been in the woods before,” Ellie says, breaking the silence, “more bugs than I thought there would be.”

You hum in acknowledgement while Joel says silent, you lean your head against the bark of the tree but you don’t dare close your eyes. You watch the light filter through the branches instead. An uncomfortable silence follows briefly before it’s broken once again. 

“Look I’ve been thinking abou-” 

“I don’t want your sorries,” Joel interrupted, grabbing his bag and swinging around his shoulders. 

“I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry,” Ellie says with an edge to her voice, her gaze at Joel unwavering, “I was gonna say that I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you guys or Tess take me, Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery or whatever and you made a choice.” Joel stood silently as Ellie continued, “So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.” 

When she talked like that it was hard to remember that Ellie was a 14 year old girl. When you were 14 years old you were going through a horse phase and dreamt of those men you would see on your mom’s soap operas. That was an entire lifetime ago, in a world that was a little kinder than the one you were living in now, a little more forgiving. Ellie had never known such a world, she’s had to fight every single day she’s been in it and that panged you deep in your soul, in a place that only time could hurt. 

“None of it was your fault.” You said and Ellie turned to you, “We all knew what the risks were.” you got up from where you sat, some joints popping in the process, you turned to look at Joel, his eyes looked at you for a second before turning to the girl, you did the same thing, you walked over to her and gave her a hand, “the only thing we can do now is move on.” Ellie waited before accepting your hand, careful not to dirty Joel’s jacket as she stood. The words you say hang in the air as Ellie reaches the hand holding the jacket out to Joel, who accepts it wordlessly. The tension from earlier dissipates as you all begin walking towards the abandoned station. 

Along the way Ellie would point out a certain tree or pick up a small trinket whether that would be a feather or a really cool looking rock. You engaged her some, answering some of her questions, taking a break over the bridge to just throw random junk you found in the water with her, just to watch it ripple. Even Joel would engage her, answering a few questions here and there, telling her a few survival things. But he didn’t say much other than that, you knew he was just distancing himself, not growing attached which was the smart thing to do and if you were smart you would do the same thing. 

But you didn’t always do the smart thing. 

Once you reached a clear trail you followed it a-ways, careful to keep a hand steady on your handgun and checking for any odd things. Like a random ribbon tied to a branch, or fresh tire marks. Anything that might indicate other people, you weren’t so much worried for clickers as you were about raiders and looters. 

“So,” Ellie began as she walked a hand on the strap of her bag, “have you guys gone this way a lot?” you and Joel both nodded, “no infected?” 

“Not often,” Joel assured, “no.” 

“Then what are you looking out for?”

“People.” Joel answered, You saw Ellie pick up the pace so that her steps matched his. You could tell Ellie liked Joel, despite his gruff and otherwise pretty intimidating personality.

“Are Bill and Frank nice?” Ellie asks, her head turning to Joel. 

“Frank is.” 

Frank was nice, you didn’t get to meet him until you accompanied Joel the next time he went there to give that wire to Bill, but he treated you like an old friend. You even made it a point to try to grab art supplies while you were out to give him, usually it was new brushes or supplies to make canvases. Bill on the other hand reminded you of Joel. Gruff and intimidating on the outside, but you get past the harder exterior is just a man who's lost a lot, and is willing to do anything for the people he cares about.  

Sometimes you wonder if you even made it on that small list to Joel. 

“How’d you get that scar on your head?” You’ve come to understand in the limited time you’ve had with her that Ellie was naturally curious and asked a lot of questions. You look at Joel a moment, examining his features. He was attractive, not by post-outbreak standards but before then. You remember seeing him for the first time in years the night of the outbreak, when his hair was still dark and his tanned skin still retained some youthful glow. But even as cruel times have been, the grays in his hair and stubble made him look more distinguished in a way, his skin the lines that indicated his age were small and suited him along with the scars. You don’t know if you could say that for yourself, but at least you were getting older you reasoned. That meant that you were still alive. 

You looked at that particular scar and remembered fixing it up. It needed stitches but you were low on supplies, so you used superglue instead. That was something you learned to do when you were around ten, you had cut open your leg pretty bad and it needed stitches. But money was tight and medical insurance was a luxury many couldn’t afford, so your mom superglued it instead. It was painful but pain can sometimes give way to learning valuable things, even when it doesn’t seem like it at the time. 

“I was the one to patch that up I think,” you commented walking side by side on the road with Ellie and Joel, “used the last of that superglue tube on it.” You resist the urge to trace the scar with your fingers, Joel wasn’t a touchy person and you couldn’t blame him. 

“You super glued it?” Ellie asked quizzically. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed, “I learned that trick from my mom.” You saw one of her eyebrows lift as her face contorted to an even more puzzled look.

“Wasn’t there like, actual hospitals when you grew up? Like doctors and nurses and medicine and all the stuff a hospital has?” 

“Yeah,” You sighed, “but we couldn’t afford medical insurance, and without insurance the hospital bill would’ve cost us a small fortune that we didn’t have.” You see her face get even more confused, which you couldn’t blame her. One of the small blessings that came with the outbreak was that medical insurance was extinct, so if you managed to find a doctor and got treated, it wouldn’t come at the cost of a kidney or half a lung. 

“Well that sounds stupid,” Ellie states before turning back to Joel, “anyways, did you get it by falling down stairs or something embarrassing like that? Please tell me it was something embarrassing!” 

“I didn’t fall down any stairs,” Joel answered shortly, clearly not wanting to elaborate. 

“Okay, so what then?” She persisted. You could hear Joel sigh in defeat as he gave an answer

“Someone shot at me and they missed,” Joel brushed off. 

“See that’s cool!” Ellie exclaimed, it wasn’t so cool then. You were there that night, it left a few scars on you too. You remember him not looking afraid, even as you patched him up. But you remember his hands trembling though, he tried to hide it but then again he never could hide much from you. “You shoot back?”

“Yeah”

“You get him?”

“No I missed too,” Joel says, “that happens more than you think.” 

“Cause you suck at shooting or just in general?” You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped you. That was something Bill would say, has said before actually. You see Joel turn his head to you with a deadpan glare as you pretend to clear your throat, poorly covering up the previous sound. He rolled his eyes before returning his glare to the brunette beside him. 

“I’m not even going to respond to that.” Joel said, returning his gaze to the road ahead. 

“Isn’t saying that responding?” 

You smile as Joel gives her the side eye before quickening his pace, you decide to hang back with Ellie instead of catching up with Joel. You walk in silence for a few steps, pretending not to notice Ellie’s gaze on the gun in your hand. 

“So,” Ellie drawls, “since it’s just the three of us-” 

“In your dreams,” You don’t even look at her but you just know she’s rolling her eyes. 

You walk a little further until you walk around the fallen telephone line and see the familiar faded sign that reads “Cumberland Farms”. It had seen better days, with its ivy-covered walls and boarded windows, but it was safe and it held supplies that Joel, Tess, and you had stored up over the years. Even Tommy stored things here from time to time. Though, you guess, Tommy already grabbed whatever he had left behind. 

“Hang back a minute,” Joel instructed, “gotta grab some stuff I stashed.” 

“Stashed?” Ellie questioned looking at the rundown building apprehensively, “why do you have stuff stashed here?”

“You ask a lot of goddamn questions,” Joel pointed out. 

“Yes I do.” 

You and Ellie followed Joel through the door. Anything that was worth anything had already been cleaned out, now what remains was mostly bare walls and empty shelves and one lone arcade machine that had long since been out of order. 

“To answer your question,” You started as Joel took a quick survey around the place, “we stash things on routes in case we find ourselves low on ammo or gear.” 

“Which we currently are.” Joel added as he lowered his gun to walk towards the stash. However he didn’t get more than two steps in before you heard Ellie take in a breath. 

“No Way!” She exclaimed as she made her way to the old arcade game turning her head to you guys for a moment, excitement in her eyes, “you guys ever play this?” 

“Not really, no” You answered, watching how she fiddled with the joysticks and buttons. 

“I had a friend who knew all about this game-” As Ellie continued to play with the controls despite nothing happening and talked about the game, you noticed Joel moving things out of the way searching for the stash. 

“You ok there Joel?” You asked. 

“Peachy,” Joel lied, “just looking for the stash.”

“You do know where the stash is right?” You asked skeptically, watching as he continued his search. 

“It’s here,” Joel confirmed a low groan escaping him, “I just forgot where I put it.” 

“Why isn’t it over where it usually is?” 

“Because I moved it.” Joel stated as he continued to search

“Why did you move it?” 

“Cause I did ok?” Joel responded, pausing his search to turn to you, his hands resting on his hips with his one leg out and that crinkle in between his brows that he gets when he’s frustrated and oh god FOCUS!

“That doesn’t explain why-” 

“Look I know it’s here, I just-” 

“You guys sound like an old married couple.” Ellie remarked, at some point she stopped talking nonstop about the arcade game and turned her attention to you two, who were bickering back and forth. 

“We’re not a couple!” You exclaimed

“We’re not old!” Joel said. 

You and Joel looked at each other for a moment, both saying different things at the same time, before returning your mutual glares at the small teenager in front of you, whose hands were held up in surrender. 

“I only said you sound like an old married couple, not that you were.” Ellie then walked away from the arcade game she had been fixated on earlier. “I’m just gonna take a look around and see if there’s anything good.” but before she disappeared behind a door that led to a worn down break room. She turned back to look at Joel. 

“Anything bad in here?”

“Just you.” he replied as he refused to look at you. Ellie scoffs a silent ‘ah, getting funnier” before finally disappearing behind the broken down doorway. 

 An awkward silence fills the space between you and Joel for a moment before he continues zeroing in on where he put the spare supplies. You take advantage of his avoiding gaze to look at him, to study how his shoulders moved with his breathing and one peppered curl hung in front of his forehead, you watched as the small streams of light bled through cracks of the boards and caught him in it. You stayed like that a second before you began to move as well. 

“I’m gonna go keep and eye on-” 

“You go do that.” 

As you walked towards the door you heard something rattle only for a silent ‘fuck’ escape his lips. You walk in on her kneeling to the ground, finding a trap door you discovered your first time here a couple years ago. 

“It’s been picked over already,” you said as you walked to stand by her, there had been a few cans and a box of tampons, which you quickly made sure to put in your pack. There also had been a clicker, but it had been trapped, an easy kill. A merciful kill. 

“Still,” Ellie said standing up and brushing the dust and dirt off her knees, “would’ve been interesting to see what was down there.” 

“Trust me,” you said, “nothing interesting.” for a moment you thank god that Ellie wasn’t going to mention what had transpired back the-

“So what’s going on between you and Joel?”

Thanks rescinded.

“What do you mean?” You ask obliviously, hoping she would get the hint of you not wanting to talk about it. Only to see her eyes roll, goddamn this girl does that a lot, and letting out a soft scoff. 

“Yeah ok.” She says as she casually kicks some of the trash and debris, “denial is a river in Mississippi, and you are clearly swimming in it.” You furrow your brows as you grow slightly concerned over what FEDRA considered education. 

“It’s actually a river in Egypt.” You corrected, crossing your arms, “and besides it’s not denial…and it’s also not your business.” 

“I’m just saying,” Ellie says, looking at you, “I didn’t hear him deny you two being a couple.” You watched as she made fake kissy faces, clearly trying to invoke a reaction out of you, a rise maybe. You let out a long sigh, she technically wasn’t wrong. But Joel doesn’t look at you that way, the only time you saw him looking at someone in that way was Tess; and now Tess is gone and the pain of that loss was still fresh. An open, bleeding wound, one you couldn’t fix with a tube of superglue or a bandage. And even if it wasn’t, Joel would never look at you that way so why hope? 

“And what about you?” You questioned. 

“What about me?” 

“About that ‘friend’ of yours you were talking about back there,” one eyebrow raised as you saw a slight flush on her cheeks, “the one who knew all about that game back there.” 

“She’s just a friend,” Ellie quickly says before a somber tone enters her eyes which turns to the floor below, “was just a friend.” You regret bringing it up. You saw how dramatically her body language changed, how she played with the loose string on her long sleeve, and she herself leaned against the wall. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, not knowing what else to do, “I’m sure she was pretty cool.” 

“Yeah,” Ellie confirms, brushing some flyaways from her face, “she was.” She turned her eyes to you, a nervous expression rested on her face, like she was contemplating asking something before she went ahead and asked anyway. “Have you ever lost someone?”

“I’ve lost plenty,” you said. 

“Have you ever lost someone you liked?” Ellie asked, “someone you loved.” 

You knew what she meant by that, by someone you loved. 

“Yeah,” you said, “I have.” 

“Who?” 

“My husband,” you admitted, “he died a year or two before the outbreak.” 

“How did you do it?” 

“Do what?”

“Move on.” 

Those two words hung there between you, you tried to think about him at least once a day. Sometimes you would go a day or two and he didn’t cross your mind but then something would happen or you would see something that reminded you of him and there he would be. His face had long since blurred to you but you still remember small things, like his smile or the way he smelled. But time did funny things, he died before things went to shit and for that you were oddly thankful. He was a kind soul, and you would’ve hated to see what this world would’ve turned him into. 

“I don’t think you ever really do,” you admit, “but time has a funny way of doing things. I can’t remember his face but I remember that I loved him and that he was kind. Maybe that’s enough.” you confided, “Let time do its thing, it’s gonna hurt in the beginning, but some odd years down the line it’ll hurt less and less until one day you’ll think of them and smile. Knowing that while you can’t remember some things, you do remember what was important.” 

You pretended not to notice her wiping the corners of her eyes with her sleeve, but you returned the sad smile she gave you with one of her own. 

“Thanks,” Ellie said, “and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your loss.” 

“Thank you.” there was silence between you, it wasn’t uncomfortable or strained. It was peaceful, one of understanding. However it didn’t last long, you must have been too quiet for too long since you heard Joel’s voice call out. 

“Doc?” Joel called, “Ellie?”

“C’mon kiddo,” you say as you both move from your respective places and head towards Joel. 

“You’re not gonna talk about this with Joel or anything right?” Ellie asked, still picking at the end of her sleeve. 

“No,” You assure her, “besides girl talk stays between us girls alright?” you gave her a mischievous wink as you saw her smile and let out a small laugh. 

“Yeah,” she sighed, “girl talk.”  

Joel was there at the door as you both exited the break room, seemingly tense. 

“At ease Joel it’s just us,” you said, the previous awkwardness disappearing between you two. 

“You were quiet,” Joel says, “you’re almost never quiet.” 

“I’m plenty quiet.” 

“You are,” Joel says before turning to the brunette beside you, “her on the other hand.” You laughed as Ellie gave him a half hearted ha ha before her attention turned to the opened container in the first aisle. 

“See you found it.” 

“Told you it was here.” 

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes as you walked towards the supplies to reload on ammo and a few other things. There wasn’t much, but it was better that way. There were a few different places that you stored supplies along the usual routes, so your supplies were scattered but at least that means that if someone were to stumble upon the stash. You would take less of a hit than say if you put all the supplies in one place and someone just so happened to stumble upon everything and take it. 

“Did you reload?” You asked as you put your gun in your back pocket, newly reloaded. 

“Yeah,” Joel confirmed as he closed the box and settled it back in its place under the floor.. You had to admit, this was a better hiding place for it than behind the fake wall where it was previously. Not that you would actually admit this out loud to him. 

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks as she sees Joel lower the large gun that was previously strapped to him in the ground with it.

“There’s not much ammo out there for this kind of gun,” Joel explained, “makes it mostly useless.” 

“Well,” Ellie drawled, you already knew where this was going, “if you’re not-” 

“In your dreams kiddo.” You said before she could any further before finally placing the fake floor board above the box and gun. You heard her huff but paid no mind to it as you made sure it was sealed. After that you and the rest of the group grabbed your bags and left. 

Not knowing if you would ever see this place again.

[janetsboys]

Hi, again! I was wondering if you can kinda do a pick up from the last request. When the Rhee reader gives birth They go back to Alexandria to get settled in with their son Judith meets the baby. But then a few days after Negan comes to the house looking for rick but instead finds Carl, reader,Judith and Glenn

(Kinda like season 7 episode 7 :D)

Two angels

A/N: I absolutely love this i’ve thought about it before and really like this idea😄 thank you for your request!!🫶🏻

warnings: teenage parents, mentioning pregnancy, mentioning death/violence, grief etc, (yk twd stuff)

summary: this follows “the moment”, another request but you can read this without reading the other request. Rhee!reader and Carl settle down in Alexandria with your newborn, Glenn and get the unexpected visit of Negan, searching for Rick.

english is not my first language, be kind<33

You and Carl said goodbye to your mom, Jesus and Sasha then got to the car they gave you to drive home.

Carl was sitting on the backseat with Glenn and you were driving as you felt better and Carl wasn’t able to drive.

“I can’t wait for Judith to meet Glenn.” Carl said but you weren’t really listening, you were lost in your thoughts.

“Babe?” Carl’s voice brought you back to reality “Huh?” you said smiling looking at the rearview mirror.

“Are you okay? Do you want us to make a quick break?” he asked worriedly. “I’m fine, i’m just nervous about the saviors. What if Negan is there when we come back? How are we gonna tell him where we were?”

“Don’t worry. He won’t be there he gave us 3 weeks.”

When you finally arrived, you made your way to the Grimes house, Olivia and all the people around you gave you congrats.

Glenn would stay for a while in the same room as Carl and you before you can make him a bedroom. You wanted to wait until the problems with the saviors were solved.

A few hours after you arrived, Carl brought Judith to your room. Glenn was sleeping peacefully in his little cradle. He was holding her in his arms and got to Glenn.

You were sitting next to the cradle, watching the scene. “Okay, Judith, this is your baby nephew, Glenn. Be gentle with him cause he’s very fragile.”

When Judith’s eyes landed on her nephew, you thought she wouldn’t really have a reaction but, she smiled and giggled a bit, she wanted to grab him with her small arms which made you laugh a lot. “Gentle, Jud, gentle…” Carl said to your sister in law while taking her a bit away from the baby.

A couple days later, you were settled in with the family, but you were always really stressed about the saviors.

That day, Rick was gone with Aaron to search for things to give to the saviors and Michonne had left the house to do you don’t know what.

Glenn was in Judith’s bedroom, sleeping next to her bed, she was probably playing in her bed. You were on the porch, sitting on the swing thinking about your life.

You felt so damn unsafe, you thought Alexandria would protect you forever but now there’s the Negan menace.

When you got pregnant the first thing you thought is that at least, your baby would know this safe place and community containing really good people.

Suddenly, you heard the huge doors of Alexandria opening, when you stood up and ran down the stairs to constate Negan’s truck.

Your hand touched your stomach, Negan already visited Alexandria earlier when you were still pregnant, you knew he wouldn’t hurt you. But everytime you saw him, you saw him beating your dad to death.

At first you were paralyzed out of fear and then you ran into your house to find Carl, he was reading on the couch.

You tried to explain, out of breath and panicked.

“What? Calm down Y/N!” he stood up to hug you. “Negan- Negan is here!” you manage to say. “Shit! He said he’d let us 3 weeks…Don’t worry, Glenn and Judith are hidden in the room. It’s okay.” Carl tried to comfort you, caressing your head as you shake out of stress.

30 minutes later, someone was knocking on your door. Carl got to open to face Negan and Olivia. “Look who’s there! They told me your daddy wasn’t here, may i take a look in the family house?” that asshole has a huge smile on his face.

You hear his voice and start to get flashbacks, you had a lot of visions since what happened that night. Without even realizing it, they were in the house.

“Y/N-” you hear Carl and look up, coming back to reality again, you see Negan standing there with the poor terrified Olivia.

“The knocked up teen!” you were still wearing large clothes, you thought maybe he wouldn’t see that you weren’t pregnant anymore.

“What are you doing here? You said you gave us three weeks.” you bring everything together to ask him that.

“First of all, this is my place now, i come here whenever i want to. Second of all, i needed to see Ricky! But apparently, he decided to leave when i needed him the most. So! I’m waiting here with his uneducated kids.”

When Negan came here for the first time, you were showering and when you got out, he was waiting for you with Rick in your room. You stayed paralyzed and tears came in your eyes.

You remember he said “I remember you! The prego kid! Do you recall me?” you literally lost it. You tried to be strong, he didn’t know Glenn was your father of course.

“I wanna know the crazy story behind this! Ricky already told me about the baby daddy” you didn’t even listen to him, you didn’t want to.

“You killed my dad-”you cut him off, looked at him right in the eyes, yours were filled with tears. He finally looked at you in the eyes too, “Sorry kiddo what did you just say?” he seemed to be offended that you didn’t let him finish and he had no idea he killed your father.

“The asian guy?” he said in a jokingly tone “I don’t see the family resemblance-”. You looked down, letting the tears roll down your cheeks. Negan looked at Rick, confused. “Glenn, adopted Y/N 6 years ago.” Rick told him, closing his eyes out of disbelief. “Really?” Negan looked weirdly sad though.

Suddenly, you get back to reality, again, “Is she on something?” Negan whispered to Carl with a confused face. “Y/N, hun, it’s okay.” he tried to reassure you but you were now focused on Judith and Glenn being upstairs.

Then, Negan started his little show, he wanted Carl to make him visit the house as he was waiting for Rick.

He got in the kitchen, opened the tap, then got upstairs to play darts, all under you and Carl’s look. You were praying that he won’t question you about your baby.

“What is That door?” he asked you two, suspecting something weird. “It’s just a closet.” Carl answered, wrapping his arm around your waist.

Negan obviously didn’t fall for it, he opened the door, “Holy shit! Look at these two angels!”

You sighed, he got close to them, “That’s your son, right?” you suddenly got huge chills and pressed Carl’s arm, he was in fact as worried as you so he couldn’t reassure you.

He picked Glenn up, “He’s just a week old.” you told him, feeling the rage growing inside of you, seeing the man that killed the most important person of your life in front of you.

The man who destroyed your life was holding your baby, the boy you carried for 9 months was in his arms.

“Well he’s daddy’s portait! Except he has two eyes.” Negan laughed alone at his own joke. Then he landed your son to Carl with a big smile, whispering: “I think he just shit his pants.”

He then got to Judith and picked her up too, you soon enough were all in the kitchen. You couldn’t believe it.

Negan was cooking fucking spaghettis. “Don’t worry, i’ll smash the spaghettis for the baby! It’s gonna remind him of someone.”

You felt like a time bomb, at anytime you could jump on Negan and choke him to death or you could break down in tears and scream at him how much he ruined your mental health forever.

Every time he talked, which was a lot of times, you got flashbacks of that night, when you saw your dad, the apple of your eyes, for the very last time. You keep seeing the look your dad gave you before Negan butchered him right in front of you. You see your dad whispering “It’s okay” looking at you, you read it on his lips before Lucille hit his head.

You were sitting at the table, Carl was cradling Glenn while Negan was serving dinner for all of you, for a split time you thought you’d wake up from this nightmare but no, it was real.

“What’s even the boy’s name? Rick? Richard?” he said while putting on his ridiculous towel around his neck.

Judith was resting in Olivia’s arms, “Glenn. His name is Glenn. Like my father.” you said curtly, it was so unbelievable how Negan was so ignorant. He doesn’t know anything about your father or Abraham.

“Oh. Well, that was quick replacing the original. Still, enjoy your food!” he still had that joking face and tone. It killed you slowly, “I’m so sorry, i-i need to breath some fresh air.” you didn’t want to put anyone in danger by making a scene so you ran outside.

It made Negan smile of course, Carl wanted to follow you at first but then made up his mind, he couldn’t leave Olivia, Judith and Glenn alone with him.

After their “dinner”, negan sat on the porch with Judith in his arms, Carl was sitting next to him, you don’t know what they were talking about, you were sitting outside, you cried a bit, out of frustration and anger.

You heard someone walk towards you, a hand touched your shoulder and he sat next to you. Carl had Glenn in his baby sling, he put it on the floor, rubbing your shoulder.

“He realized my dad wasn’t coming back soon so he left to talk with Spencer. Olivia is still babysitting Judith. Are you okay?” he said kissing your forehead.

“I don’t know what to do, Carl, i thought- i thought i could do this but i keep seeing things, hearing things and i’m scared that i’m not fully there for our son. I’m not there.” you struggle to confess to your boyfriend.

“I know it’s hard for you right now, i am terrified too and what we’ve been through is terrible but we have to do this. I hate that Negan has the control over the situation but he does. I assure you i’m trying to convince my dad that we have to do something but right now, we’ve got to keep our family safe.” he tried so hard to get the right words.

“I can’t look at him. I can’t listen to his voice, he’s my daily reminder of what i’ve lost.” you burst into tears, hiding your face in both your hands.

“I know how much your dad meant to you, i know…” Carl was gently rubbing your back, holding his own emotions for you. “I can’t do it, i want my dad.” you were now begging for your father, like a child in a crisis.

You knew you had to be strong for your family but this was just destroying you.

“There are people here that need us to stay strong and to keep the saviors situation in a good shape. We have to make sacrifices before we find a solution.”

“They’d be fine without me.” at this point, you were so lost in your own mind, you were not feeling home anymore, you wanted it to end.

“Hey, don’t you dare say that, Y/N, you’re the strongest person i’ve ever known, you survived the absolute worst, your parents are proud of you and you just had an amazing son who’s always sleeping because he’s a very nice baby! Damn it Y/N, i miss him too, i hate Negan i want him dead in the most painful way possible but right now we have to make the good decisions. And you, you matter so so much for people here and especially for me. I know we’re young and everybody, even ourselves, treats us like we’re adults since our 10 years old, that’s what makes us the strongest ones. And look at him, your son doesn’t remind you of the kind man that raised you for years and made you the woman that you are today?”

Your wet eyes met your baby that was babbling and agitating his little teddy bear. The pain that you constantly felt in your chest since your dad died, that feeling like you had a little you in your soul that was screaming in pain, it finally stopped, it calmed down, your eyes softened as you were looking at Glenn closely, seeing every little detail of his face.

Your life has a purpose, you’re a mom and a girlfriend, a daughter, a niece, a friend and a survivor.

“That’s exactly what i was talking about.” Carl whispered in your ear as you landed your head on his shoulder, whipping off your tears.

“The only moment i took the time to truly look at our son, it was right after i gave birth to him, i could barely stand by myself so you were holding me, i felt at peace for that little moment, it felt like hours, it was just the three of us.” you said rubbing Carl’s hand that was holding yours.

“I’ll make it right, hun, i promise you. This will end, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but it will be over.” he swore to you, you heard it in his voice it pained him so much to let the saviors control your life, this wasn’t how you planned your future and he will make it right.

————————————————————————————

hope that you enjoyed it my fellows carl stans<3

i’m currently writing multiple requests, i’m sorry if it takes time i’m trying to go fast😄

[just-here-for-iolaus]

HTLJ S1E2 "Eye of the Beholder"

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

This episode was such a lovely treat honestly. I had a great time!

We open on about 30 (uncomfortable) seconds of heavy breathing that turns out to be Hercules running from a group of women. Man is not having it.

There's no further context to this at all before we cut to the next scene, which I thought was funny, but it's then addressed.

Herc has arrived at a tavern of some kind and tells the guy there that "King Thespius wants every one of them to have a child by [him]".

50 women. That's a lot of babies. Also damn Thespius how many wives you got to end up with 50 daughters?

Would Herc's kids be like... demi-demi-gods? One-quarter god? We didn't get to explore that with his kids before they were killed off.

Androcles walks over and asks Herc what he's gonna do about a certain cyclops. The guy he was talking to tells Androcles to give Herc a break and then tells Herc that the guy is "a wet-brain" ever since "a run in with a lion"... Herc just shakes his head and tells him it's alright and to let Androcles talk.

I liked this moment because Herc is willing to hear someone out that seemingly isn't in high esteem. Whether it's because Herc himself has not been believed about things, or because he's learned that the local "loony" is sometimes right, I don't know, but I feel like it showcases a noble character trait he has.

Turns out the cyclops protects Hera's secret vineyards - which is enough of a reason for Hercules to get involved, so off he goes.

THEN WE GET THIS CHARACTER INTRODUCED!

No name yet in this scene, but played by the same actor that played the slave I liked in one of the movies. I was sooo excited to see him haha.

He encounters a cyclops who tells him not to walk through the vineyard and then KICKS HIM INTO THE SKY. (Presumably over the vineyard instead of through it?) Surely this would kill a man.

Naturally it doesn't kill him, though, so Herc stumbles upon the little guy hanging from a tree. He asks to be helped down, but end up falling down before Herc can do anything. He's introduced as Salmoneus, the travelling toga salesman.

Salmoneus is excited to see Hercules whoop the cyclops. (Though Herc does try to discourage Salmoneus tagging along, for his own safety.)

We get a brief scene where some guys (Atreus and two others) are trying to push a boulder into the river, to get it back on its course. One of them runs off when they hear the cyclops approaching. The other guy that's not Atreus (I couldn't tell what his name was - Haymander?) picks a fight with the cyclops and gets smushed into the ground by the cyclops's fist, which is a bit grim. Atreus runs off back to town.

We cut back to Hercules and Salmoneus, and Salmoneus is trying to figure out a way to rope Herc into his toga business (surely more for his own profit). Atreus and the first guy who ran off run up to them and tell them about the cyclops, and warns them not to go that way. Salmoneus says the cyclops can't hurt Hercules, but Atreus isn't so sure. They go on to explain that they were trying to reroute the river that the village relies on (after it was rerouted to serve Hera's vineyards) and says there's no other river they can make use of instead.

Atreus: "You'd help us? Are you serious?" Herc: "When it comes to Hera, I'm always serious."

Cheesy lines like that just feel so good.

I feel like Herc's hatred of Hera makes even more sense now that she killed his family. I got his motivation before, since she had been messing with his life already, but now seeing him just be like “I’m gonna travel around making trouble for Hera” feels really satisfying lol. She's just reaping what she's sown.

We then cut to the Cyclops eating in a cave. Some guy is being a little rude to him, but we find out that he's the one paying the cyclops to be mean to the people of the village (Traycus). We also learn the villagers haven't necessarily been great to the cyclops in the past, but the cyclops seems a little torn about this job. I did immediately think "ah, okay, he's gonna end up not being so bad".

We then cut to Traycus holding a party to celebrate Hercules coming to help them. Herc seems to be having some guilt about it, since he hasn't actually done anything yet, but Atreus assures him that everyone has complete faith in him.

Thespius's daughters show up and announce they're lookign for Hercules, who immediately hides and starts crawling his way through the party to leave. The villagers don't rat him out, and Salmoneus chats up Thespius's daughters about togas as a distraction.

It was around this point that I noted how nice it was to see Hercules smiling again so much in this episode. He comes across as so good-natured when he's smiling, and he was so upset in the last episode (understandably).

The next morning there's a brief scene where the woman from Traycus that Herc briefly interacted with at the party is alone picking flowers. The cyclops comes along, and she is pretty chill about it, saying the river and vineyard belong to him and she's not bothering him, but he gets aggro so she runs off. She leaves behind her scarf and he rubs his mouth about it.

We cut back to Traycus where Salmoneus starts giving Herc a bit of a hard time.

Salmoneus: "You sir, truly are the strongest man in the world if you can, uh- (gestures crudely and laughs before deadpanning) hold fifty hearts in sway at once."

Hercules: "All they want is my body." Salmoneus: "I know the feeling."

(I took this as Salmoneus feeling himself, and I LOVE it. I could also see this as being interpreted as wanting Herc lmao.)

The woman who had been chased off by the cyclops comes back to town and Atreus alerts Hercules to what happened. She says it wasn't an attack, exactly, and explains. When Hercules asks if the cyclops had a weapon, a male villager picks a fight with him, calling him a coward for running from the daughters of Thespius the night before.

When Hercules shrugs this off and tries to continue the discussion with Atreus, the guy headbutts him! Salmoneus encourages Herc to dent the guy's head, but Herc announces he won't play this game, only to get another headbutt.

What I didn't understand was why Hercules didn't defend himself here. And I don't mean, "Why didn't he hit back" but literally, like, why didn't he block or dodge? Make any attempt to avoid getting hit, at all???

I guess two hits was enough, though, so Hercules then headbutts the other dude back (while the town seems to be cheering him on to do it!). This knocks the guy back into a wagon of hay. The fight seems to be over, so Herc helps him up, but then the guy kicks Hercules (in the nads? It's unclear.), before flirting with the woman who encountered the cyclops (who we now hear called Scilla!). She's not interested and insults him, and then Hercules punches him in the face, knocking him out cold.

Hercules announces that he "really [doesn't] have time for this nonsense" which prompted me to write in my notes "What's the rush?". There isn't really anything else that's urgent on his list that I know of. I guess he just means he wants to help the village as soon as possible.

Scilla follows him partway and is trying to find out his plan and warn him to be careful. Hercules doesn't have a plan, and clearly intends to talk to the cyclops before deciding how to proceed. He asks Scilla to wish him luck, so she does before leaving him to his task.

We then cut to Hera's secret vineyard, which of course is run by slavery????

A weird guy we saw briefly at the party in Tracyus (I looked up his name just now, and it's - I shit you not - "The Ferret") is talking with the guy who the cyclops is working for (Castor). Castor is explaining how the slaves are making the wine that Hera's chosen people will drink, and The Ferret asks if the slaves (who are stomping grapes) ever have any issues with their feet, like diseases or open wounds. A valid question, one would think, but it earns him a smack.

The Ferret then tells Castor that Hercules is coming, which he initially disbelieves, but then laughs.

The Ferret: "What's funny?" Castor: "EVERYTHING'S FUNNY, YOU IDIOT!"

Castor is convinced cyclops will do away with Hercules.

These two are so intense and weird. I commend them.

We cut back to Hercules, who hears someone following him and jumps them. It turns out to be Salmoneus.

Salmoneus: "I wanna see you do cruel and unusual things to that monster."

Herc tries to convince Salmoneus not to hold grudges, and Salmoneus tells him not to be so preachy. He tries to get him to go back to town, but he doesn't want to, so off they go together.

We cut back to Castor talking to the cyclops and questioning why he has a scarf. He kind of.. bullies him? Then tells him to kill Hercules.

Back to Herc and Salmoneus in the woods, and unfortunately Thespius's daughters have caught up to them. Herc tells Salmoneus to run, and they both do, but Salm can't keep up and the girls swarm him.

I question how the women are traveling around in these revealing, mostly-white dresses with seemingly no posessions or bodyguards or anything. Don't you get cold? What do you eat? How do you sleep?

Castor then prays to Hera and promises that Hercules is about to die and he will bring Hera his head.

My immediate thought was "Dude, you are now overpromising to Hera. You are gonna fall short and die."

Some guy shows up and says if Castor's plan doesn't work, the Executioners will.

Herc makes it to the cyclops and there's a brief fight. Hercules overpowers the big guy, who then asks him to kill him and get it over with. Herc says he'd rather find out why he's always in such a rotten mood.

We then cut to them together in the cyclops's cave. Cyclops reveals that the villagers harassed him when he was younger, and that he got tired of it after a while. I felt bad for him and wrote "This cyclops is definitely a soft-heart. I hope Herc doesn’t kill him." in my notes haha.

The cyclops reveals he doesn't work for Hera, he works for Castor. Herc says that now that the cyclops lost, Hera and Castor won't like him, suggesting he team up with the village now instead. He leaves him to think about it.

Herc finds Salmoneus on his way back to Traycus. The women didn't "hurt" him, but they did take his clothing. Herc has the decency to check that Salm is not injured before laughing.

The Ferret overhears Hercules implying that he beat the cyclops to Salmoneus, and he reports this back to Castor.

Back in Traycus, Salm regales the villagers with a completely fictitious story about the fight between Herc and the cyclops.

Hercules explains to Atreus that the cyclops isn't dead, just that Hercules had convinced him not to hurt the village anymore. He even goes so far as to say he never intended to kill the cyclops.

Scilla calls out Atreus for bullying the cyclops when he was a kid, and Atreus calls her an ungrateful wench. Scilla calls him an ass and Hercules announces he's gonna stay to help the village fix the river (because he likes the idea of Hera's grapes dying on the vine).

The daughters of Thespius show up again and Hercules gives a speech about why he won't bed them.

Hercules: "No matter what you think, I'm not opposed to pretty women. And I'm not opposed to having children, but if I'm going to become a father again, the mother will be someone that I love. And I- I don't love any of you. I mean, I like to look at you, and I might even like to talk to you if I didn't always feel like I was the fox and you were the hounds, but that's as far as my interest goes. I hope you understand."

I thought the part about Hercules feeling like prey to them was telling. I imagine most of us can relate to not wanting to feel objectified and to have our own desires completely ignored by someone who wants something from us (sexual or otherwise).

It all feels very congruent to his character as he's behaved up to this point. I also thought that this was a clever way for the writers to leave things open-ended in terms of Hercules possibly falling for someone else in the future, and to avoid making Dei's death seem like something that doesn't matter to him by having him constantly getting into meaningless flings.

I say this without knowing where the show is going of course.

We cut back to Castor giving the cyclops a hard time about losing to Hercules. He guesses that the cyclops might have changed sides, and he says he hasn't decided yet. Castor tells him that the Executioners will kill everyone, and that he's doomed. Cyclops cries into Scilla's scarf. TT_TT

The guy who visited Castor before ("Chief Executioner", apparently) summons the Executioners by whipping the group until skeletons come out and turn into warriors. The chief then kills Castor rather unceremoniously.

We cut back to the villagers trying to push that boulder from before into the river. There's a funny bit with Salmoneus again.

STOP. I love him.

After watching everyone, though, he does eventually join in, in a sort of bemused way.

Salmoneus: "The first labour I’ve ever done!"

Cyclops sees them getting that big boulder into the river and contemplates things some more. He heads over toward them, but the villagers start attacking him (despite Scilla and Hercules telling them not to). Cyclops walks off, and Scilla follows after him.

Hercules tells off all the villagers, saying they "put the evil in him". The guy from before who was headbutting him then says the cyclops is probably having his way with Scilla (how would that even work? he's a giant) and Herc says she's better off with the cyclops than him, which was a good burn. He tries to attack Hercules again but Herc finally blocks him.

Scilla finds the cave and disavows the villagers' behaviour. They have a little chat and Hercules shows up to find out about the Executioners. Cyclops offers to help Hercules fight the executioners.

They arrive back to where the others are in time to intercept the Executioners. Their weapons aren't very effective against the cyclops, and Hercules performs about as well as you'd expect.

The villagers watch and someone suggests they should help.

Atreus: I won't die helping a freak! Or anyone who sides with one. Even if it is Hercules. Salmoneus: It would be better to die with them than to stay here with eunuchs like you.

Salm rushes to help, surprising the villagers (and winning me over even more.) Didn't love the use of eunuch as an insult but-

Scilla tries to grab an abandoned sword to help, but the Chief Executioner ends up taking her hostage and dragging her away. The cyclops sees this and goes to grab a boulder. The villagers assume cyclops is going to attack them, so they flee back toward Traycus, before someone points out that the cyclops is attacking the Executioners. They're impressed that Herc and cyclops are winning.

From my notes: Cyclops bowling the executioners hahaha. Somehow this wins over the villagers? Oh because they’re WINNING? XD XD XD These people are so stupid haha.

Cyclops trips the Chief, freeing Scilla. When the Chief tries to run off, Hercules... basically throws him? at the guy... squashing him dead.

Meanwhile Salm only arrived in time to help Scilla up. XD

The villagers want to know how they can repay Hercules for his help, and he says to be nice to the cyclops but Atreus says they can't. They've tried.

I love Salmoneus too much. He'd better stay likeable.

Scilla: You know, this man did something for you and me today that you would never have done for him.

The cyclops vows to help them live in peace as long as he's treated with respect. Atreus begrudgingly agrees to "give it a try".

Salmoneus basically announces that he's going to stick with Hercules (my heart, how I wished it was true!) but then the daughters of Thespius show up and announce that they want Salmoneus now, to which he agrees. XD

This show is so goofy sometimes and I am HERE for it.

This was a really fun and feel-good episode! It was nice to see Hercules more chilled out and happy, and Salmoneus tickled me so much. Looking forward to more episodes like this if possible. :)

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday Fandom. We’ve reached THE episode. Sorry little later than usual. Life didn't understand I had a review to do ha I remember not knowing what this ep would quite be. When it was done I had to pick my jaw off the floor. I was in utter shock and felt like a fever dream I was watching. Like did that really just happen? Was that real life? It’s was so exciting to have the payoff.

Even if it felt like it wasn’t real LOL Did my damn best to get everything in. I feel like I’ve become really good at this gif puzzle but eps like this really pushes me to the limit ha. God bless the gif website I found or I would be screwed haha Let’s get this started :)

5x08 The Collar

Aaron wants to shadow Angela and Harper today. He is looking into being a detective someday. So Grey re-assigns him to them and Lucy to Tim. Telling her she’s back on gopher duty. They could not be MORE suspicious or obvious if they tried my god. You know Grey knows his question about riding together is making them more uncomfortable. It's hilarious really. Trying to get them to out themselves. Instead they’re just little awko tacos staring at each other bumbling around.

He knows they’re lying with their 'No's' But he also doesn’t care. LOL They’re riding together whether they like it or not. It's amazing with their lives on the line with UC their ability to lie is amazing. Flawless really. Having to deal with their still weirdness and not show it? Abysmal. Such bad liars in this scene holy hell. The amount of awkward in this 30 seconds floors me.

From the minute Grey suggests they ride together they’re awkward dorks. Ones who don’t know complete sentences or words. This scene says so much with saying so little at the same time . There’s a reason they’ve stayed away from each other. This moment right here. They’re so very aware if they are back in a shop together everything they’ve been avoiding will come rushing back. Such a strong start to the ep for them though. Enjoyed their discomfort so much ha

We start out with them in the shop being awkward af. I loved the shots in this one and their opening one is great. With the cams coming to life and their day starting. Lucy of course is the first the break the silence. Asking him how single life is? He tells her really nice. How he didn’t have to deal with anyone complaining about him watching football all day.

Lucy giving him crap of course about never leaving the house. Things maybe weird between them but their comfortable banter hasn’t suffered. They fall right back into it with this scene. That married energy they have coming right back into play here. Gah they just balance each other out so well it’s insane. Haven’t had a couple this in-sync since Caskett on Castle.

I love him being a hermit though. He earned it after Ashley. He did whatever she damn well pleased for months. You stay home and watch your football babe. You earned it after that disaster of a relationship. Tim does defend himself a little saying he took Kojo out LOL I consider that going out too when I’m needing a hermit day. I'm with you on this Tim.

I love the affectionate way Lucy says he’s hopeless. That’s the beautiful thing about Lucy for Tim. Yeah she gives him crap but she fully loves that man for who he is. She would spend a day being a hermit with him just because it made him happy. D just wrote an amazing fic on that concept actually. (You should read it so so good) Lucy loving and accepting him for who he is and not condemning him for it. Yeah she’s teasing him for being ‘hopeless’ when really she is so fond of who he is as a person. Loves that man inside and out. You can see the adoration on her face when she delivers that line.

Just love the idea of them having lazy Sundays together now. Lucy indulging his hermit ways when he needs it. No doubt Tim indulges when she wants to be out. Because their partnership is a balanced one. Gah I love them. Chris FaceTimes her and Tim looks over and makes a face LOL god damn I love this man. Chris asks her if she’s busy? She says no…but seems not at ease with this phone call. Lucy asks where he is? He tells her an open house…They could not be more opposites in this moment. They spoke earlier about moving in and Chris jumped the gun to houses. Sprinting toward a future she doesn't want.

Lucy wasn't even on board for moving in...She is looking so very panicked. He’s going on about how it needs work but is 3 bedrooms. Tim’s interest now has been piqued and it’s stressing Lucy out for a couple reasons. She is no where near ready for this step and he’s gunning to a house. Second Tim can overhear this adding another level of stress. She doesn’t want Tim to think they are there. Because well they aren’t….Lucy cuts the phone call off abruptly. Asks if they can talk later? Chris being the clueless oaf he is doesn’t pick up on her stress at all. He says 'love you' and she says nothing in reply just ends the damn call LOL

Tim asks if they’re moving together? Lucy looks even more distressed after the phone call. Her body language screaming she’s being dragged into this situation. Kicking and screaming really. Lucy tells him no…Tim follows up with ‘He seems to think you are…’ Lucy is having a panic attack right now when he says that. The way she puts her hand on her chest. Trying to relieve the building pressure of this whole thing. Now there’s a girl ready to move in with her BF…. She seems so rattled the entire conversation with Tim.

Lucy continues on that he kind of sprang it on her this morning. He can read her discomfort like a book. So he continues his line of questioning. Which is unreal because you know the shop is a personal life free zone right Timothy? The fact that he’s the one pursuing this conversation. Being the one to ask the questions. My god how far we’ve come it’s crazy. He can tell how unsettled she is. The way he’s analyzing her and looking at her tells him everything he needs to know.

Yet he asks her ‘You guys are happy right?’ Lucy does a very unenthusiastic ‘Yeah we’re happy…’ Tim presses on like a devils advocate that is making her panic worse. Saying if that's true this is 'The next obvious steps for them then.' Lucy continuing her fake streak saying they’re “super happy.” Ok love sure you are…As she says this she is rubbing the crap out of her tattoo. Just being a lying liar who lies right now. They get a call before the convo continues on.

Everyone gets involved in a stop Nolan and Celina have. She has a bomb collar around her neck and she becomes the focal point for everything. The tension and writing leading up to them getting her to that parking lot in immense. Even though I've seen this episode many many times that portion always gets me. It’s so sad how afraid she is and her re-evaluating her life cause of it. How empty it feels now.

Pam and John talking was heartbreaking. How all she wanted was for her mom to know she loved her ugh. Sadly she ends up dying and that’s where this scene begins for them. I truly think this SL was a motivator for Tim. One of the reasons for where we head in this one. Because it’s so easy to get bogged down with life. To fall into the going through the motions. To have regrets with having a comfort zone. Tim taking a shot based off that.

Lucy expressing how she is feeling. It was upsetting to watch as a viewer. I can’t imagine being there watching that unfold. Tim being her sounding board. Knowing how upset she is right now. Giving her feedback on what he thought was the killers motive. Talking this out because he know it'll ease her mind. Then stupid Chris calls. Blind as a bat couldn’t read Lucy if his life depended on it.

He’s not calling to see if she’s ok or how she’s doing. No he’s calling about a f*cking house. She could not be more distraught right now. What does this tool bag do? Bring up listings. I love how Tim’s eyes pan over to her. Checking in on her emotional state. Seeing she is so distraught. It’s very obvious she is upset and this is the last thing she wants to be talking about. This moment is opening her eyes to who Chris is as a person. She isn’t liking what she sees.

Her ‘wow’ sounds like she is trying to stop herself from going off on him. So ignorant and oblivious to her and what she needs right now. Lucy already wasn’t on board with this which he didn’t see. Now she’s rattled from their current case and this mofo is sending her house stuff. Lucy can’t even process this right now. Tim being her absolute hero and hearing her silent screaming bails her out. “Yelling” at her to get off the phone. Hate his line ‘He’s in a mood.’

No you’re a clueless insensitive idiot. Who he is currently saving her from. He presses about that damn listing one more time before she hangs up. Haven’t wanted to sucker punch him this badly since 4x17. Lucy can finally breathe when they hang up. She looks to her rock and says ‘Thanks.’ A very loaded and grateful one. Tim giving her the sweetest look. Fierce protector reporting for duty. Putting her first in this moment and saving her from that convo going further.

I LOVE how Tim is constantly watching and checking in on her in this episode. He handles this whole thing so well. He’s not a dick telling her to dump Chris. He’s so so god damn attuned to her emotionally. It shows so very much in this episode. Lucy loves to talk things out and yet she keeps avoiding it in this episode. Avoiding truly getting to the root of why she’s feeling the way she is.

Which is fascinating considering that’s her jam. Analyzing and breaking something down. Digging deep to see why something is the way it is. Yet on this one she is avoiding it and Tim gets her to face it. He even gives her an out if she needs it. Telling her if she doesn’t want to move in with Chris she doesn’t have to. Tim just got out of a ‘moving through the motions.’ relationship. His POV on this is excellent.

He doesn’t want to see her settle or be forced into anything she doesn’t want. Just because Chris is ready and wants it. Lucy finally starts to talk about it. Saying why doesn’t she want to move in with him? Telling Tim they never fight. Thats a huge red flag if you ask me Lucy. That’s not healthy at all. Tim telling her maybe that’s the problem here….

It’s this next line above that really gets Lucy’s thoughts in motion. Tim just did a mind f*ck when he asked her this. You can see the realization washing over her in that second gif. Because he’s not wrong. You fight because it is worth fighting for. Chris has always been this blah middle of the road nothing for her. Was a BF? Yes. Was he decent? That’s debatable…

Chris was just there as a safety net for loneliness. Now that he’s becoming more than that it’s becoming a serious issue. One she can't ignore anymore. All their glaring problems coming to light in this moment in her mind. Tim is talking her through this (which I can't get over.) With the most perfect mixture of empathy and logic. She’s slowly realizing he is NOT worth the bother.

Tim is not only pointing this out but with massive heart eyes. Telling her she deserves someone who’s worth the effort. Pre-laying all his cards on the table in this moment. She can’t break the eye contact with him after he says this. Knowing what he means by this statement. This entire episode is him being Tim ‘I’m worth the effort’ Bradford for her. The more she looks at Chris the less she likes it.

The more she looks at Tim the more she knows he’s the one. And that scares her to death. God I love him stepping up and guiding her like this. Not only that but talking her though this whole thing. Something that he avoided like the plague in 3x09. Shaking closure and talking off and saying it was useless. Here he is talking her through this crisis she is having. He’s crushing it too btw. Such an iconic line for them for so many reasons. This makes me squee still rewatching it.

Before their convo goes any further they spot a second person with a collar. This guy is way more aggressive about saving his life. Pulls off and finds some sheers. Saying he’s not waiting around to die. Tim immediately grabs Lucy and heads for cover. It’s the way he holds her and shields her at the same time.

That’s his whole world right there. He would take the heat of a thousand bombs to protect her. Tim has a one track mind in this moment. He’s not thinking Lucy can handle herself. Or she is capable of getting to cover on her own. No he’s thinking that’s the woman he loves in front of a bomb.

It changes his entire perspective. So he full on grabs her and places his body between her and the bomb. Thats his first instinct to throw himself between her and harm. Gah it’s so good and just feels like more in this ep. Proving to Lucy over and over in this one she is worth the effort to him. Fierce protector front and center.

We catch them back in the shop trying to figure out next moves about this next bomb. Chris texts her another listing... In an area she CLEARLY doesn’t want to live in. Tim can’t stand to watch her suffer any longer. He is as straight forward with her in this moment as I’ve ever seen him. He knows she has been on edge all day. From the case alone.

Now she has Chris making matters worse with each interaction. She looks so upset when Tim asks her if she loves him? Noting that 'He clearly loves her.' His growth I talk about a lot and it’s episodes like this that truly show it. Look at this man pressing her to talk about this. He knows she’s in her head and talking it out always makes it better. Tim knows this about her and is pursuing it for that reason.

Lucy has been running from her feelings for Tim for quite some time. She low key knew about them in s4. Then 4x21 happened and they imploded on her. Hitting her like ton of bricks. This moment is her ‘Come to Jesus’ moment about Chris. Also about her feelings for Tim. Saying out loud she SHOULD love him. That he’s great in so many different ways and yet…

It’s hitting her in this very moment she can’t love Chris because she loves Tim. Because that man is and NEVER will be Tim Bradford. He will forever pale in comparison to the man sitting to her left. Tim is the most important person in her life. It’s just hitting her like a freight train what’s happening. I love how she trails off as she comes to this conclusion. The way she looks at him when she comes to this realization.

Doesn't take much for Tim to see what she almost said to him. Lucy says enough that Tim knows what she is saying in this moment. The way he looks at her after her almost confession. my heart. I think this scene is another catalyst to their ending scene. I remember watching this scene and saying ‘You’ for her and squeeing my head off. Because she just basically admitted to not only herself but to Tim. That Chris is not Tim. He never will be…They both know it at this point. He is not 'You' is where she was headed and they both are aware of this.

We’ve reached THE scene. The scene that changed all of our shipper lives. heh Lucy coming up saying she needs to talk to him. Her rubbing that tattoo of hers before she sits down. Tim making a crack about Chris wanting to live in some remote place. I don’t know anything about CA but I imagine that city he listed isn’t great ha

Lucy says ‘No…’ Tim goes right at it telling she just doesn’t want to admit it’s not working. He asks her why she is doing this? When she is clearly so VERY unhappy about this development. This entire episode she spent stressed and on edge about Chris. Asking her if it's the guilt about Rosalind?

Lucy tries to pull a Tim and deflect. Bringing up Ashley and staying in a relationship too long. Tim does not let that fly for one damn second. Continues his assertive comments with her. He gets so worked up when he cuts her off about it above. That this isn't about him. Telling her she’s just hiding in this relationship because she’s scared.

It’s here Lucy blows his damn mind with her reply. Airing her fears of losing the the most important person in her life. Now I think Tim knew there was an attraction on Lucy’s end no doubt. She invited him in for gods sake in 5x01. He knew there was an attraction. What he didn’t know was the level of importance he held her life. It’s written all over his face. He is shocked legit shocked she feels this way about him. Now anyone with eyes could see Tim is exactly what she said. The most important relationship in her life.

The thing is Tim is so very damaged in that way. I get that so very much. Where you don’t expect those around you to love or care as much as you love and care for them. The sucky life of an insanely loyal person who has been burned which I can relate to. My friend just other day told me how much he missed me while I was away in TN visiting my sister. Him and my other friend missed me. I made a joke like oh did you not think I would come back?

Would you miss me or something? He looked at me and was like yes. We love you don’t you know that? I would be devastated if you didn’t come back. We’ve been friends for almost 5 years. It still shocks me I have people who love me and would miss me. So I can deeply relate to Tim being shocked he holds that place of importance in Lucy’s life. He’s NEVER been put first. Not till Lucy Chen entered his orbit.

She panics when she sees his reaction not reading him like she usually does. Thinking she’s overshared. When really Tim is just smitten af with her reply. He is beside himself with shock that he is HER #1 person. He doesn’t feel worthy. Thats not what Lucy reads at first when she sees his reaction. She thinks she’s over shared or over stepped in some way. Tim stops that train of thought right away. Telling her 'No she’s right.' Lucy once again misreads him and thinks they should just back off this then. Better to keep them as is. ‘It’s not worth the risk...’

Then we see our boy do the biggest leap of faith I’m sure he’s ever done and combat her reply with our next iconic OTP line. ‘Unless it is.’ Looks how cute he is when he says this. His precious upside down smirk. Reminds me of his cute smirk from 4x22 after their peck. He looks so excited about this idea. Just look at this puppy of a man. Going for it and telling her I think we are worth this. Wanting to give them a shot. Basically saying we are worth risking what we currently have for what could be.

This next part is where his courage really shines through. I love how he takes this deep shaky breath in the first gif. So nervous to ask her this question. Tim Bradford is NERVOUS everyone. So nervous to ask the woman he loves to take a chance on him. To go out to dinner and give this a shot. He finally finds the courage to ask her. Lucy’s answer is immediate and adorable.

If she could go to dinner right then and there she would. Jumping out of her skin with excitement at his proposal of going out. Tim is so elated and his smile so damn wide when he says ‘Yeah?’ He can’t believe his luck. Looks like the smile of a man who just got everything he's ever wanted. Months of longing over in this moment of courage. He’s so happy she’s said yes. The man is beaming proudly displaying that Lucy smile he reserves for her and ONLY her. Lucy mirrors his elation with her 'Yeah' *heart clutch*

Lucy then back tracks and we watch our boy deflate instantly. He looks so very upset when she takes it back. Her excitement got the better of her and she retracts. I saw a hilariously accurate depiction of Tim in this scene. Said he had golden retriever energy in this moment. All excited and giddy for getting what he wants. Body wiggling with absolute joy. Then is told no and is all sad and deflated. Then he doesn’t perk back up until she says she needs to end things with Chris first.

The analogy cracked me up because it was accurate. He looks so very gutted when she says no after. Has that 'This was too good to be true I guess.' energy coming off him in waves. Lucy tries to rectify the situation with her reason why. Doesn't want to see that sad look on his face. The man looks devastated. He just went from an absolute high only to come crashing down seconds later. The way he nods like he understands but is really hurt about it. My poor puppy of a man.

I love how he lights backs up when she tells him to ask her again. Later. After she’s rid herself of the dead weight that is Chris. Making sure Tim knows she wants this just as much as he does. She just needs to end things first. Make it right. No one gets doing things honorably more than Tim Bradford. His cute smile after he tells Lucy 'Deal.' His hope returning. Their body language above in the last gif is everything. Their bodies are pointed towards each other. They couldn’t be happier right now. Leaning in toward one another finally giving into that magnetic pull of their's. Both grinning like idiots in love. Gah I can not. I am a puddle. I remember rewinding that scene to make sure I saw and heard everything correctly.

I was expecting their pining era to last longer tbh. I was delightfully surprised when Tim of all people took the leap. Helped Lucy take it with him. For him to be the one without doubts and to go for it was so important. Lucy for the most part has been the catalyst in their relationship. Tim has has his moments. More so in the last season or so. But Lucy has mainly been in the drivers seat. To watch this man overcome his fear of rejection and go for it with her. my damn heart. This man isn’t scared to ruin what they have because he KNOWS. This is it for him. She is it. I can’t get over how much he’s grown to get to this place.

To be the one to say hey we’re worth the risk. Would you like to go out with me? Showing her she’s worth the effort of leaving his comfort zone. This moment right here is why I’m so glad they did the slow burn. Why I was ultimately happy they didn’t hook up in 5x01. This was the right way to do it. I wouldn’t trade a moment of their journey to get to this point. Not one and that’s is a rarity I’ve only had with one other ship. Castle and Beckett and that is a high honor if you know that ship. This was another daunting one to tackle but so fun to write about. I was buzzing for days after this episode. Mostly just happy this is where our slow burn ended up. Wouldn’t change a damn thing.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

The whole bomb SL with Pam makes me cry every time. It’s so tragic. Will say John was great with her rarely give him props but he does so good with her. Celina having to do the death notice kills me this ep is very emotional.

Bailey messing with John with the clowns is pretty funny LOL but idk how Bailey could think a coyote was a dog lmao ‘how did you get him In the crate?’ 😂

[fandomsbyladymelodrama]

No pressure on this, but I wanted to ask if you'd like to tell me about one of/some of your favorite Christy scenes, and the things you like most about it/them? I can't singlehandedly revive the fandom on here, but it's such a joy to talk over this show with other fans!

I didn't realize until recently how thoroughly the Neil/Christy relationship informed my romantic preferences in all the media and writing I've done since watching it in my teens. Older, scholarly man/younger, determined woman, some kind of angst in the man's past, a need to change things for the better as an intrinsic part of the woman's character, a taboo element that stands in the way of the relationship... Even in the slash pairings I love so much, there's still so many elements of it!

Hey filmmakers, don't think we don't notice that you frame these two with Christy on a step/incline half the time to de-emphasize the height difference...

Oh my, oh my. Okay, first, let's be real. I've been waiting for an ask like this since 1994 (baby Tumblr wasn't even born yet 😂) so get ready for some major Neil/Christy feels that I've been suppressing but also diligently-tending-in-the-background for 30+/- years. THEY. ARE. PERFECT. Top-shelf OTP bottle, for sure. You understand, right? Of course, you do. We've discussed. But yeah, I feel the same way about this show/book/pairing influencing and informing both my writing style and romantic preferences in fiction over the years. Happy to admit it. Yes *raises hand* 1000 times yes. Hello, my name is ladymelodrama, and the fact that CBS so cruelly stole resolution for Neil/Christy from us forever (I'm not counting the PAX movies, I'm just not) is a crime against good television everywhere and will haunt my Christy-loving bones until I'm dead and buried in the ground deep enough so's the critter's can't find me, as Little Burl or Creed Allen would say. Anyway, you asked about Neil and Christy and favorite moments and since I can't just pick one...

I have a proposition to make :) Let's trade fave moments until we run out of them, maybe? No pressure, of course, but this is me mostly unwilling to commit to my Top 5 Scenes until I finish my rewatch, and even then I'll probably change my mind a couple times 😂 But here's one that I'll discuss in detail today and which I like to call the "Will This Do?" scene aka "and then they both smiled their little smiles at each other and lived happily ever after. The end." <3

(Credit to @heatherfield for this gif, and bless you, friend, for continuously shipping the same pairings as me - makes my gif-hunting so much easier haha <3)

So why do I love this scene so much? Oh, you know. Margret's dress. Objectively, it's gorgeous (the woman had style, even if she had no heart). And hey, it only coded Neil/Christy as endgame from the first episode, no big deal. Plus it was one of the softest moments in the whole show and THE WAY THEY SMILED AT EACH OTHER. Ugh. Soffffffft. I'm mean, you're seeing this too, right? ;) Meanwhile, I'm sure David is over here in the corner...doing what David does best XD Lurking. Always lurking.

(and, based on the pic I chose, maybe taking notes on how to have better chemistry with Christy? - "Dear Diary, Neil MacNeill is kinda the worst, have I mentioned?" 😂) But in all seriousness, what I love about that scene (and the exchange of smiles, in particular) is how there's an honest-to-goodness, my-spirit-just-spoke-to-your-spirit bit of humanity happening there. I die for those moments, little and quiet as they may be. It's just so...SOFT. They don't know each other yet. Not really. There's no romance at play (other than what I assume might be mutual physical attraction, even if Christy would never let herself go there. Not on her first days in the Cove) so it's more a budding friendship that we're seeing and friends-to-lovers is one of my favorite things? (Jorleesi, Jisbon, Siegfried/Audrey, Obidala, Red Cricket, Dickon/Mary much?). I also really enjoy when she comes down the stairs looking all pretty-in-lavender with her hair down (still lolling at your comment on that detail btw because...c'est vrai 😂) and "Oh no, David, it's so late...how will we ever get to Lufty Branch in time?" "Not we, Christy." (exactly, David, you're getting it). Too bad she has to spend all afternoon in this rustic cabin with a plaid-shirted, barrel-chested, brogue-speaking, moody mountain man with inside pain for dayssssss. Oh the everlasting horror XD

So yeah, so much to love about this scene (and the entire convo in the cabin afterwards and him plucking her from Theo prior to the whole dress thing - guy helps girl down from horse = I'm in love 😍). To witness the very beginning of their arc (okay, Part II of the beginning, but the doctor was busy with brain surgery during Part I, so you know what I mean) and to have the actors play it so, so beautifully and in an Appalachian setting that's just misty and magical and to die for all by itself... Mmmm *chef's kiss* Your turn, @darsynia <3

[wen-kexing-apologist]

BL ask box meme

🙄🌄🔮🥇

🙄 show you think is overhyped

Do not. DO NOT come for me when I say this, because I LOVE THIS SHOW SO SO SO SO SO FUCKING MUCH OKAY?! I LOVE IT, I REALLY DO, I PROMISE. IT'S GREAT. IT IS PHENOMENAL, INCREDIBLE, SHOW STOPPING

but

Bad Buddy.

Again, it is very very very very very good. It deserves immense amounts of praise, it deserves awards, I have rewatched it four times. I love these boys, I love the story, and I think it primarily stems from me not being around the BL scene when this initially came out, but I feel like I often see it being treated as The BL Of All Time, and I just personally don't think it is #patgotshot.

It is a wonderful, beautiful, complicated show with wonderful, beautiful, complicated characters, with meaty and juicy themes and dynamics, it has one of the best kisses of all time in anything ever, and if I was asked to give a short list of BLs to show to people it would be on it, and it has never, not once crossed my mind as a favorite BL of mine.

🌄 your favorite scene of any BL show

gif by @liyazaki

I answered this one already, but I'm taking this as an opportunity to give another answer since it is fucking impossible to pick a singular favorite scene. One of my other favorite scenes in all of BL is in Episode 6 of The Eclipse, the build up to the "you're allowed to be weak" moment. I love this moment mostly because it is the first time that we really see Akk getting called on his bullshit, and not only that but being forced to actually consider the extent of the violence he has wrought on his fellow classmates, on his community of queer kids. We finally get to see how much Akk is truly being held together by just constant forward motion, and intense denial. We bare witness to how much the pressure all these adults are placing on him is really getting to him. Something that I truly love about The Eclipse in general is the emotional complexity it gives its characters. Akk and Ayan are still in a bit of a fight here, they literally punched each other in the previous episode, Ayan still thinks Akk stole his dead uncle's journal, and yet he is still in Akk's corner here giving him emotional support. Just like Akk sat and let Ayan cry on his shoulder after all the teachers ganged up on him, even when they were nowhere near close to friends.

🔮 show you wish had a second season

KinnPorsche

Literally, the first time I watched KinnPorsche I could take or leave a second season, and then I rewatched it and the look in Namphueng's eyes, the extremely small and subtle actions this actress performed in the 30 seconds of screen time she had at the end here MADE ME DESPERATE FOR A SECOND SEASON.

I know we are never gonna get it but WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH NAMPHUENG?! WHAT IS THE TRUTH?!

🥇your personal no.1 BL of all time

I would take the opportunity to switch this around, from the last person who asked but I am gonna be real, I Told Sunset About You/I Promised You The Moon is the best BL of all time.