#I personally think we'll see him again in the season finale

[daemour]

Pairing: roommate! San x f! yn

Word Count: 10,664

Warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, smut warnings under cut

Genre: Angst, fluff, smut, f2l au, college au, M for mature audiences

Summary: As the resident fuckboy San's best friend, you're legally obligated to be his hype man. It's only fitting as you're one of the few who can resist his boyish charms. But when he's set his sights on someone you cannot stand, perhaps you need to dig a bit deeper into your feelings after all.

Smut Warnings: masturbation (f), voyeurism, sexual fantasies, oral (f), missionary, protected sex, very slight breast play, overstimulation, cowgirl, some cumplay, dirty dirty talk, fingering, slight body worship ig?, praise, I literally have no idea I wrote it at a time when I should've been in bed so lmk if I missed anything

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this is for the jackson wang party fic collab finished with @mingsolo (hella good) @flurrys-creativity (Pygalgia, Effervescent, and Abience) and @sanjoongie (trouble) <3 I still have one more to go but we'll ignore that LMAOOOOO I added too much plot :') flurry was a dear and helped me sort out my thoughts and I managed to write 8k of it in one day lol.

hope u all enjoy and sorry I'm a professional yapper there's no shutting me up

“Going out again?” you ask your best friend and flatmate, San, as he walks past where you’re seated at the kitchen counter, suffering through your essays.

“Yep,” San answers easily, popping the ‘p’ and leaning over to take a peek at your laptop screen. “You misspelt ‘dextrorotatory’, you wrote it as ‘dexrotatory’.”

As your eyes find the typo, you groan and plant your head on the table. “I give up,” you declare dramatically, “I’ll drop out and become a taxi driver.”

San laughs. “First of all, you can’t drive that well. Second of all, you’d make more money as a stripper.” He dodges your smack with ease. “Third, you’re smart and you’ll ace these like always. You’re just a little mentally constipated. Why don’t you join me tonight?”

You think about it for a minute. While you probably do need a break from staring at your laptop, you know how wild the parties San goes to can get from personal experience. And you don’t think it’s a good idea when it's the end of your semester and the final year of your master's program. You just can’t afford to do that. “I’ll pass this time,” you sigh. “Maybe after exam season.”

San hums. “All right. Make sure to take a break, though,” he reminds you, dropping a quick kiss on the top of your head. “See you later.”

He soon disappears out of the door and you turn your focus away from your best friend to your homework. You feel bad for whoever his new conquest will be at the party.

In your opinion, it’s best to keep San at arm’s length when it comes to a romantic relationship. Not that you like him, but you also don’t want to be another notch on his bedpost, and you most certainly do not want to ruin your eight-year-long friendship. It’s not hard to see that San isn’t interested in a long relationship, not right now at least.

You honestly find it amusing that so many girls and guys still throw themselves at him and then get upset when he doesn’t give them a second glance after the initial night. His reputation precedes him, especially in your small town, and yet there will always be a line out the door for him. You don’t even know how he knows so many people.

With a sigh, you clear out your thoughts and refocus on your organic chemistry work. You’re lucky your job offered to pay for your master's classes, but the workload is killing you inside. You’re incredibly happy you’re almost done, and with newfound motivation, you hunker down and start writing out your notes again.

It’s almost two in the morning when you finally yawn and start putting your books away, and it’s almost three when you hear the front door open and the sound of San stumbling into the shoe rack as he always does. “You’re home already, Sanah?”

“YN!” San stumbles his way into the bathroom where you’re combing your hair, wrapping his arms around you and tucking his flushed face into your neck. “You’re still up?”

You laugh, tapping him on the head with your brush. “Yes, but I’m about to go to bed. And you should too, you know.”

San groans, his hold on your waist tightening and his words slurring together. “I don’t wanna,” he whines, “the bed's too cold.”

You sigh fondly. This happens almost every time he drinks, and usually, that’s why he doesn’t drink too much when he’s by himself. He gets too cuddly with people and you’re usually the one to keep him from bedding everyone he sees.  You suppose he somehow didn’t end up with anyone in bed and he’s disappointed now. “Do you think you’ll ever ask to sleep with me nicely, or will you just settle for wrestle-cuddling me into my own bed?” you ask, rolling your eyes as San does not answer, just pulling you towards your room. “There’s my answer.”

You’re too used to his drunk antics and just let him move you around. It’s comforting in a way, that he’s comfortable enough around you to do this with you, and it makes your heart warm whenever he throws his arm around you and presses his face in your neck.

You’d never admit it, but it’s nights like this when you sleep the best. With his warm breath tickling your neck, you let your body relax and your eyes flutter shut.

-

“God, I’ve got a raging headache,” San groans when he sees you enter the kitchen with a mess of bed hair. “I went so crazy with the soju last night, I think I’m going to die.”

You laugh, reaching for the pot to make some oatmeal for him. “Don’t be so dramatic. Why did you even drink so much anyway? No bitches?”

San snorts but immediately whines from the sharp pain that probably shot through his skull. “You’re so mean to me! No, I got no bitches, but that was from my own choice anyway. I don’t want to fuck around anymore.”

Both your eyebrows raise into your hairline. “No? What changed things, hm? Finally decided your one true love is Byeol?” As if on cue, your shared cat meows and curls around your ankles, and you bend down to scratch behind her ears.

“Never had to decide that, we all know she’s the real number one in my life. No, I think I’m interested in someone.” You stop your petting of Byeol, who meows in protest and runs off to pout somewhere. “Come on, don’t act like you just saw a ghost.”

“Who?” is the only question that comes out of your mouth. Of course, San has had a crush before, but he’s never stopped screwing around unless he was actively dating that person. He’s a fuckboy, but he’s not a piece of shit at least. This is new.

“Lee Yeseul. I met her yesterday at the party, and she’s so sweet. She was so out of place at the party, and not in a mean way. She just…has such an aura around her.” San’s voice is soft even just talking about her and you get the feeling he’s being serious. “We’re meeting up for coffee today.”

“That’s…amazing, Sanah. I really hope it goes well for you,” you smile at him, pushing a bowl of oatmeal over to him. “Don’t forget to let me make a speech at your wedding.”

San chuckles, rolling his eyes at your jokes. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t you have study group today? Go there and stop bothering me.”

You ruffle his messy hair before planting a kiss on it and pinching his cheek. He blindly reaches around to smack at you but you dodge him easily, laughing as you head out to grab your keys. “See you later, Sanah. Have a good da-ate.”

San grumbles at you but ultimately returns to his food. You think you can hear him muttering about you being a pain in the ass and you smile to yourself. You don’t have the heart to tell him you know Lee Yeseul…and she’s a major bitch. You sincerely hope she’s sweet to San at least—he deserves the best. But you find her absolutely draining, especially with how often she talks about herself and doesn’t pay attention to anyone else ever. If she cries in your class one more time you think you might smack her yourself.

You still remember the time you had gotten a call that your grandfather had died, and after overhearing your conversation, instead of comforting you, she started talking about how “so many of my family members died in the past ten years.” Sure, maybe she was trying, but you’ve known about her antics enough that it was clear she just wanted to make it about her.

But if San likes her, who are you to interfere? He has a pretty good eye for who has a good personality so maybe Yeseul has changed. You’re not one to stop him. Not that you ever could. When he first started going out to party, you would tag along to make sure he wouldn’t make any bad decisions, but your efforts seldom paid off. You’re pretty sure he must be blessed since he somehow hadn’t pissed off anyone majorly enough to have them call a hit on him.

Shaking your head, you rid yourself of these thoughts and go to the library. There’s no use dwelling on it, the more you think about it, the worse your feeling about his crush on Yeseul gets. He’s a grown man, he doesn’t need you to parent him.

“Woah, who pissed in your cereal?” You should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to hide your bad mood from your study buddy, Hongjoong. Although you only see him for studying, you’re confident enough to call him your closest friend other than San. “Are you okay?”

You sigh, dropping your books on the table. It earns you a harsh ‘shh’ from the librarian which you apologise half-heartedly for. “Do you remember Yeseul? Lee Yeseul?”

Hongjoong’s brows raise high into his hairline. “The professional bitcher? What did she do now?”

“San’s into her, and with her personality, she’s probably loving the attention from the professional heartbreaker.” You groan, glaring at the cover of your organic chemistry textbook. “It’s none of my business if he cares for her, but damn, I wish he could’ve picked anyone else.”

Hongjoong hums, leaning forward and poking at the top of your head. “Look, you’ve been his friend for years. I think you have a bit more of a reason to poke your nose into his business than most. Give it a few weeks, and if it truly bothers you, then you can bring it up to San.”

You sigh. “Maybe.” You say nothing else on the topic and Hongjoong knows not to broach it anymore. Sometimes you wish he wasn’t so smart.

-

“YN, I didn’t know you knew Yeseul!” is the first thing San says to you one week after he returns from one of his many dates with her. “When I mentioned you being my roommate she told me you were in the same class as her.”

You wince to yourself as you take a long swig of your coffee. “Mmh, I didn’t think it was that relevant,” you say. You can practically hear Hongjoong rolling his eyes at your excuse. You know you should tell him your qualms about Yeseul, especially since the gross feeling in your gut has only gotten stronger. But you’re not sure you want to tread those waters. San’s sweet, but he’s loyal to a fault and probably wouldn’t like you talking badly about Yeseul.

San narrows his eyes, clearly suspicious but not willing to pry. “Well, maybe if we ever find you a date, we can go on a double date.” He moves on pretty quickly, though, walking over to lean over your shoulder and look at your laptop. “Still going on that paper?”

You hum, cracking your knuckles. “Yeah, it’s due tomorrow so I need to pump it out today and then get Hongjoong to look it over.” You lean back, letting your head rest on San’s torso as you yawn. “I can’t wait for this to be over so that I can graduate already.”

San laughs, leaning down to rest his chin on your head. “You’re smart. You can do this. And when you’re done, I’ll take you to a party and we can celebrate.”

You groan, shifting forward and putting your hands back on the keyboard. “Well, in that case, I should get back to writing this.” As you start typing again, you hear the buzzer ring and the warmth of San’s body leaves you as he goes to check who it is.

“Oh, hey, Yeseul! Come on up!” Your eyebrows raise into your hairline and your head snaps up. Why would Yeseul go to all this trouble of coming here? Didn’t they just see each other?

You close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths before facing the dragon herself. You can hear the tell-tale sound of her voice pitched up to sound more sweet, although it’s grown to be grating on your ears. “Hi, Sannie,” she purrs and you have to refrain from retching. “I was on my way home but I realised it went right by your apartment so I figured I could come say hi. It doesn’t look like you’re too busy, right?”

“No, not at all,” San replies, and you hate how sweetly he talks to her. “YN is in too, she’s writing her final paper. Wanna say hi? She could probably use the distraction.”

No, I don’t need the distraction, is what you want to scream out, but your mother did not raise you like that although you wish she did. Instead, you just smile politely at the girl entering your kitchen. “Hello, Yeseul. Good to see you again.”

“Hey, YNie!” Her cheery nickname for you has your eye twitching. “How’s the paper going? I finished mine a few weeks ago so I’m home free. Just need to submit it.”

“That’s great, Yeseul,” you say, tone slightly more monotonous than you wanted it to be and San shoots you a look. “Hopefully you get a good grade on it.”

“Hey, would you want to join us for dinner?” San cuts in and you can already feel a headache starting to pulse behind your eyes. “I was going to order pizza since it’s my turn today and I’m not nearly as good of a cook as YN.”

“Oh, that would be lovely! I don’t mind whatever toppings,” Yeseul claps happily. The urge to punch her in the face increases bit by bit for you. San nods happily, stepping out into the living room to place the call. After a moment, Yeseul turns to you with puppy eyes and you brace yourself for whatever she has up her sleeve. “Could I trouble you for a glass of water, YNie?”

You try your best to keep your composure as you get up to fetch her a glass of water. She takes it without even a thank you and you decide you’d much rather die than deal with her any longer so you close your laptop with a sigh. “I’m actually meeting with a friend for dinner, but you definitely should stay and have fun,” you say, smiling as plausibly as you can. You do not have dinner plans but you’re sure you can figure it out.

When you go into your room, you’re drawing blanks. You’re still going out, but you’ll probably just end up calling a friend to complain. As you leave the room and grab your keys, San meets eyes with you and frowns. “Where are you going?”

“Ah, I promised to have dinner with a friend so I’m heading out. Enjoy your time with Yeseul, though.”

The furrow between San’s brows deepens. “But I already ordered the pizza.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “I can bring the leftovers tomorrow for lunch. Sorry, I just forgot to tell you, but I really have to go now. Bye!” Before he can say goodbye as well, you slip out the door. The suffocating feeling that is encompassing you lifts and you sigh in relief, but then you somehow feel worse at the idea of San and Yeseul having fun and giggling and cuddling.

You shake your head again, trying to clear your muddled thoughts before setting down to go find your dinner. Fast food was the easiest option, and you figured you could at least sit in your car and wallow in self-pity.

-

After you receive your order you park and pull out your phone, scrolling through your contacts. You don’t want to call your family because as much as you love them, they can be a bit over-protective and probably will offer to help you find a different apartment and that would be a bit dramatic. In the end, Hongjoong is probably the next best option.

He doesn't pick up immediately, and you’re just about to hang up when the phone crackles and Hongjoong’s voice comes through. “Why are you calling me?”

You can’t help but bark out a laugh at his disgruntled tone. “Hongjoong, it’s a perfectly reasonable hour to call, don’t blame me for your shit sleeping schedule. Are you actually free though?”

Hongjoong sighs and if you focus you can hear the sound of him rolling over in bed. “What’s up?”

“It’s about Yeseul again. She came around today, and it was just…so suffocating. Like, why did San have to pick her? There’s so many girls, and out of them all he picks her? The most bitchy one I know?”

Hongjoong hums. “Why does it annoy you so much?”

You groan, leaning your head back and taking a long sip of your drink. “She’s self-centred, bitchy, and she’s just so fake. I don’t think this relationship will end well, Joong. Clearly he’s just blinded and she’s so manipulative.”

“But why are you so bothered by this specifically? I mean, sure we’ve had bad interactions with Yeseul, but you’re pretty nonchalant about the shit San gets up to and you like to let him deal with the consequences himself.”

You frown glaring at the phone although you know he can’t see it and you pop a fry into your mouth. “I don’t know. It just feels different. I feel like I should interfere this time. I mean, he’s a lot more serious this go around.”

Hongjoong hums, rolling once again as he yawns. “YN, be totally honest with me. This is a shot in the dark, but I think this is pretty important.” You hold your breath in anticipation. “Do you like San?”

“Oh sure, he’s a good friend–”

“You and I both know that’s not what I meant.” You bite your lip, stiffening in your chair. “YN, you need to be honest with yourself. The way you talk about San, you interact with him, it’s not how just roommates, just friends interact. You kiss each other's heads, YN. And it can be platonic, but I’ve rarely seen San do that to his female friends, and I’ve never seen you do that, period. You don’t even kiss me.” His voice turns teasing on the last bit but you’re too shocked to register.

Do you like San? You love him like a friend, of course. But when you think about him being with anyone else, even if it wasn’t Yeseul, something in you aches. When you think about San’s smile being directed to anyone else, you can feel a burning in your gut. The answer is clear, whether you like it or not.

“I…yes. I do.” The confession comes out quietly. “But I don’t want to do anything about it. Like you said, it’s up to San whether he likes Yeseul enough. I can’t interfere.”

You can practically hear the look Hongjoong would be levelling at you. “Why not?”

You shrug. “When San likes someone, nothing can stop him from liking someone unless he wants to. I’ll just let it run its course and hopefully my own feelings will vanish in the process.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy, YN.”

You let out a despondent laugh. “Sure, probably not. But who knows? Maybe I can find someone else in the process.” You let out a sigh before glancing at your now-cold sandwich. “I gotta head out, but thanks for talking, Joong. I’ll see you in class.”

Hongjoong can barely say goodbye before you hang up the phone and lean back. This is going to be difficult. The more you see Yeseul, the more you know you’ll accidentally slip up and something will tip her and San off. Your headache is pulsing behind your eyes and you take a small bite of your sandwich, your appetite diminishing. You miss being a child and your biggest worry is that San sneezed on your lollipop.

With another groan, you wrap up the sandwich and just go for a late-night drive instead to clear your head. It’s something that has never failed to calm you down and keep your mind level. San always berates you for driving alone at night, but you’d like to say you’re pretty safe. Plus, even he has agreed that it’s pretty calming when—you frown, forcing thoughts of San to leave your brain.

You don’t really know how long you’ve been out, but it’s surely long enough that Yeseul has left. As you carefully open the door, there’s a long silence, and you sigh, happy you made it home free. But as you’re about to call out for San, you hear a high-pitched moan come from his bedroom. And it certainly is not San.

You almost turn tail and head right back out of the apartment when you hear San’s reverberating moans fill the house. Against your better judgment, you take off your shoes and step closer towards his bedroom. His bedroom door is cracked open and curse him for putting his mirror right in view where you can see him leaning back on his bed, his lower half hidden off the edge of it and you can only see Yeseul’s knees.

And in your head, you know it’s wrong. But your heart is beating out of your chest and you can feel heat building in your core. And, well, you’ve always worn your heart on your sleeve. You keep yourself pressed against the wall, staring at the way the muscles in San’s neck strain and the way he moans with every snap of his hips. You’re sure your panties are soaked through by now, and your teeth sink into your lower lip to keep yourself quiet. The taste of copper enters your mouth but you couldn’t care less.

It’s only when San sits up, probably to fuck into Yeseul better and he disappears from the mirror that you rip yourself away and escape into your own room. Not another thought enters your brain as you strip your leggings and underwear off, flopping on your bed and closing your eyes as you let your hand trail down to press against your slick pussy. It doesn’t take long for you to sink your fingers into your sopping cunt, turning your head to bury your face into your pillow.

The guilt in the back of your mind is quickly sent away as you imagine San’s hands fucking you instead. He’s always had well-worn hands, and your brain fogs up as you imagine him leaning forward to mouth at your neck as he fucks you.

Your brain flips back and forth between the idea of him eating you out so well and fucking so many loads into you with his thick cock that your stomach swells and you whimper into your pillow as your core tightens and you come onto your fingers. You feel tears prick your eyes as you get up to wipe your hands of the cream coating your fingers and toss the tissue in the trash. You’re not sure how you’ll be able to face San or Yeseul again after that.

You can feel the shame burning inside of you and you close your eyes and cry yourself to sleep silently.

-

Waking up is disorienting, your eyes red-rimmed and your bottom lip raw and blood dried on it. You feel like death and you’re pretty sure you can’t attend class like this. You lean over and grab your phone, yawning as you send your professor a text with a weak excuse. You don’t really care how plausible it is, Professor Jeong usually is quite understanding so you don’t worry about that for too long. San had texted you an hour ago, asking if you had come home, and you choose not to answer it.

You can hear mumbling in the other room, probably Yeseul and San sharing goodbyes, when you hear the door shut behind her. Unlike you, she’s probably happy to go to class and tell all her friends about her night with the campus fuckboy.

It takes another thirty minutes for you to finally roll out of bed and put some lotion on your face, hoping for the traces of the questionable night you had to erase from your face. Once you’re satisfied with your appearance, you venture out into your living room where San is standing by the door. “When did you get back?” he asks without even turning around. “I texted you like, an hour ago.”

You shrug, avoiding his eyes as you move into the kitchen to find breakfast. “I only just woke up, San.”

Your roommate gives a short huff, following close behind you. “Don’t you have class? Yeseul just left so you could walk with her.”

You try not to roll your eyes at the idea of that. “I’m not feeling well so I don’t think I’ll go.” “You’re not feeling well?” San’s voice deepens in concern and as you grab a yoghurt, he places his hand atop your forehead. “You are feeling pretty warm.”

At his touch, too many memories of last night flood through your brain and you shake away his hand. “Yeah. I’ll just go lie down for a little. Have a good day.”

Before he can say anything else, or realise your suspicious behaviour, you dodge past him and head off back into your room to hide. “I left your pizza in the fridge,” he calls after you and you just grunt in thanks before barricading yourself in your room.

You lean against the door for a minute before you realise you didn’t even grab a spoon. Unwilling to go back out there, you’ve resigned yourself to licking it out of the container like a cat when you hear a gentle knock at the door.

“I got you a spoon,” San’s unsure voice filters through the wooden door, and you squeeze your eyes shut.

“Thanks, San,” you murmur, turning to open the door a crack and take the proffered utensil. “Sorry for being short with you.”

His lips quirk into a half-smile, a silent acceptance of your apology. “I get it. Just get some rest, YN.”

You close the door again, this time a warm heart in your chest mixing with the guilt you still feel in your gut. You’re not sure how on earth you’re going to get over your feelings for San.

-

Avoiding San goes well for the most part. You are in your finals week anyway, and you’re spending most of your time at the library or in class. Your college’s library stays open for 24 hours during the last week of school anyways so some nights you’ve just been staying there until morning. Hongjoong disapproves heavily but doesn’t say much about it and you appreciate his support either way.

Avoiding Yeseul proves much harder. She seems to always find her way to wherever you happen to be, interrupting you and Hongjoong’s study sessions with a perfect smile and narrowed eyes. You don’t know what she wants from you, and you aren’t pleased with her presence.

But one evening, you’re about to leave the library to have some dinner when she corners you. “YN, let’s talk,” she says in that sickeningly saccharine voice of hers, looping her arm into yours and pulling you down the street. “I have some things to ask you.”

Unwilling, you try to tug your arm out of her grasp, but the girl is stronger than you expected. She pulls you all the way to her dorm on campus, sitting you down on her leather couch. “What is your relationship with Choi San?”

Her question comes so suddenly you need a minute to register. To her credit, Yeseul waits patiently for you to gather your thoughts. “He’s my friend and roommate?” you say as truthfully as you can muster, although you know it’s an absolute lie, and judging from her expression, Yeseul doesn’t believe you either.

“Don’t take me as a fool, YN. The way he talks about you is undeniable.”

“That seems like something you should be talking to him about,” you say, attempting to get up from the couch but Yeseul just pushes you back down.

“I’ve tried. He just tells me there’s nothing to worry about and I don’t believe that,” Yeseul grits through her teeth.

And you have to give it to her. She did try to come to San about her worries. But the way she refuses to trust him grates on your nerves. He stopped his fuckboy activities to be with her, and yet she’s worried about you, one of the few girls who isn’t all over him at any moment. You arch a brow. “Do you not trust him?”

Yseul scoffs. “Of course not. He’s a fuckboy. But I like the status I get with him. I just don’t want to end up embarrassed.”

Well, that will be inevitable, you can’t help but think to yourself. No matter how much your relationship with San is strained, you’re not about to let Yeseul talk shit about him like he isn’t genuinely trying for her.

“That’s where you come into play,” Yeseul’s smirk turns sharp. “I’m going to call San. Ask him to choose between us. If he chooses you, then I want you to stay far, far away from him.”

You shrug. No matter the outcome, it’s not like you’re not already keeping your distance from San. In the end, you’ll just tell him to break up with her and let him deal with the chaos himself. “Go ahead,” bitch.

San picks up on the first ring. “Yeseul?” He’s cheery and your heart aches at the thought of Yeseul breaking his so easily. “What’s the occasion?”

“Hey, babe, I just have a quick question, and I need you to answer truthfully for me, okay?” At his pause, she takes that as a go-ahead. “Who would you pick? Me or YN.”

There’s a long silence on the phone. “Yeseul, we need to break up.”

Only one thing unites you and Yeseul in this moment, and it’s your shared confusion for San’s reaction. “What do you mean?” her voice turns panicked. “Isn’t that a little far?”

“You’ve been stuck on this, and I don’t know how much I have to reassure you, Yeseul. I haven’t even seen YN for the past two weeks. And she’s my closest friend. I’m not dropping her for a two-week relationship. I hope you have a good time, Yeseul.”

Before you can react at all, Yeseul screeches and points an accusing finger at you. “This is all your fault, YN!”

Your jaw drops at her absolute audacity. “My fault? What are you on? I was just trying to live peacefully when you dragged me into this plot ignoring my advice. I told you to talk to him, to just fucking trust him. God, you’re an idiot. And I’m going home.”

Without another word, you leave, still fuming over that interaction. Couldn’t she just have made the call without you? You’re happy you don’t have to do all the convincing for San to leave her, but that just complicates things for you. Would he really so easily drop Yeseul just for you? From what you’ve heard, he was practically head over heels for her.

With another sigh, you head back to the library. You need to finish that exam.

-

“Pens down, and turn in your exams,” you hear the professor call, and you don’t think you’ve ever gotten up so fast. You’re so, so fucking happy that you’ve finished your last year and now you’re free.

As soon as your professor accepts your paper you race out of the lecture hall, only stopped by the cafeteria when you hear someone call your name. Lee Juyeon, someone you’ve started growing closer to, waves you down. “Hey, YN, congrats on finishing!” he smiles at you and you can’t help but smile back, the giddiness contagious.

“Thanks! You too,” you say, pulling him into a hug. “It’s so nice to be done.” Practically nothing could dampen your mood, especially seeing Juyeon. He’s sweet, and you have an inkling he likes you. And you’re not opposed to it.

“It really is,” Juyeon agreed cheerfully. “Look, I have to go celebrate with my family, I just wanted to say hi. But hey…there’s this end of the year party on Saturday, and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”

And your suspicions were right. You think about it for a moment. You’re not the biggest party person, anyone knows that, but Juyeon is sweet and just what you need, so you accept eagerly. It doesn’t take long for the two of you to exchange numbers and for him to promise to send you more details before he runs off. And through your excitement, you know you still have to go meet with San who’s probably waiting for you just outside. He wanted to see you as soon as you finish your exams, and you didn’t have the heart to decline.

“Congratulations on finishing your last exam, YN!” San cheers as soon as you exit the college building. “I’m so proud of you!”

You’re too tired to complain when San sweeps you up into a hug, just letting yourself relax in his firm arms. After all this work, you think you’ll let yourself indulge in his affection. “Thanks, Sanah. I appreciate it.” You let your chin rest on his broad shoulder, closing your eyes and letting the exhaustion take over you. “Can I go to bed now?”

You hear him chuckle, the vibrations from his chest comforting you. “Yeah, yeah. We can celebrate later. Come on.”

He tugs you all the way to your apartment, dropping you on the couch and quickly curling right up next to you. You can’t bring yourself to care. “I’m proud of you,” he repeats into your hair as he tucks your head into his neck. Your eyes flutter shut.

When you reopen them, it’s bordering on evening. San is no longer wrapped around you, and you can hear him moving about in the kitchen. “San,” you call out, voice raspy from having just woken up. “What are you doing?”

“Ah, I’m making dinner,” he responds, his voice too warm for your liking, your heart beating just a little faster. “Come and eat.”

With a bit of difficulty, you rise from the couch and move to the kitchen, taking a seat at the counter. “Japchae? When did you learn how to cook this?”

San chuckles. “Wooyoung taught me the other day because he was bored. I figured it’d be a nice surprise for you after all your hard work.”

Your lips twitch, unsure if you should smile or pout. “That’s sweet. Thank you again, San.”

As you start eating the noodles (there’s a little too much sesame but you don’t have the heart to tell San that), San clears his throat. “So…I promised to take you to a party.”

You vaguely remember this conversation. “Ah, yeah. What did you have in mind?”

“There’s this end of the year party, it’s supposed to be the biggest one, hosted by Jackson Wang.”

“Ah–” you shake your head, eyes apologetic. “I promised someone else I’d go with them. I didn’t know that was the party you wanted to take me to. Maybe we can do something else on a different day?”

San’s lips turn downward the slightest bit. “That’s okay. There are other parties. Who invited you, by the way?” His tone is casual, and yet you still feel like you’re walking into the lion’s den.

“Ah, Lee Juyeon from college. I think he’s in Hongjoong’s philosophy department, but he’s a year behind. He’s cute so I figured I’d give it a try.”

“It’s a date?” Your brows furrow at the heaviness in San’s voice but you pay it no mind and nod. “I see. Well, have fun.”

The rest of the dinner is filled with silence, San picking at his food and you in no mood to try and dissect his mood. He takes your empty bowl and starts doing the dishes, and you mumble out a thank you before running back to your room. He’s clearly not willing to talk more and it’s best to give him space.

As you lay in bed, you can’t help but worry about what is so grating on his mind after you mentioned your date. You can’t think of anything that would cause him to be angry—as far as you’re aware he has no grudges against Lee Juyeon, much less met him. Shaking your head, you try and fall asleep. It’s best not to dwell on it, you can just ask him tomorrow.

-

It’s Saturday, and you’re in a foul mood. San hasn’t spoken to you in the four days leading up to the party, avoiding you like there’s no tomorrow. The only saving grace comes in the form of Juyeon’s excited texts, telling you all about his outfit for the party, and you respond with matching enthusiasm. When you meet with Juyeon in front of the large house where the party is held, the thought of San isn’t even on your mind. Instead, you just take Juyeon’s offered hand and follow him into the party.

You weave through the bodies, reaching the counter where shots are being passed around. “Want vodka or tequila?” Juyeon asks, his voice pitching higher to be heard over the bass. Without answering him, you just reach for the bottle of tequila, pouring the two of you shots. “Good choice,” Juyeon laughs, throwing his head back as he downs the alcohol, you following suit shortly.

“You know, I never pegged you for a college party fan,” you lean in, laughing. “Maybe I should hang out with you more.”

Juyeon chuckles, wrapping an arm around your waist. “Maybe you should. I know great party-throwers. Although I’ve heard you’ve been to your fair share, what being San’s friend and all.”

You shake your head, a smile on your face. “Maybe at first, but you know, organic chemistry isn’t an easy major to balance with a party life.”

Juyeon laughs loudly, bumping you with his hip. “I understand the pain. Philosophy falls into that category of majors too. Another shot?”

You take the second shot happily, letting the alcohol burn through your veins as you stumble alongside Juyeon’s wandering through the crowd. Whatever you’re doing is a blur, all you can focus on is Juyeon’s smile and his warm hand holding yours.

It feels like barely a moment has passed when Juyeon pulls you into a nearly empty room of couches, only a few other couples lingering in the corners. “I hope you’ve been enjoying yourself,” Juyeon starts, his eyes sparkling as he takes in your appearance. “It’s been fun hanging out.”

“I did too,” you agree with a small smile, looking up at him through your lashes.

He leans in, and you lean in, and your lips brush. It’s a sweet kiss, one that you lean into as Juyeon wraps his arms around your waist. It’s warm and you smile into it. And then a familiar face pops into your head. You wonder to yourself how San would kiss you, if he would do it as sweetly as Juyeon or if he would devour your lips like it was his last meal.

When Juyeon pulls away for air, you feel guilt burning in your stomach again. Why would you think of other men when Juyeon’s right here in front of you? As Juyeon leans in to kiss you again, you almost move back before a hand grips your shoulder and pulls you into a broad chest.

“Hey, man, I’m going to have to talk to YN if you don’t mind.” You’d recognise your best friend’s voice anywhere, and it only serves to fill you with annoyance. Sure, you weren’t as into Juyeon’s kisses as you expected, but it doesn’t mean you’re thrilled to be interrupted by the man who’s been ignoring you.

Juyeon takes one look at San, and something changes in his eyes. A mix of reluctance and acceptance, and with a short nod and smile towards you, he slips away from you. You turn to San, frowning at the sharpness in his narrowed eyes, not one you’re used to seeing or enjoy seeing. “Why would you kiss him?” he spits, and your annoyance grows with confusion being added to the mix.

“What do you mean, ‘why kiss him’? I told you, San, I was on a date. Why the fuck did you interrupt us?”

“I like you.” Those three words would be a dream for you to hear from his mouth…if you weren’t so pissed.

“No, fuck that. I do not need to hear that from you right now. Not when I was enjoying my night with Juyeon. What was confessing supposed to do for you, San? It’s too late now. I wanted to enjoy this party, and now I have to go apologise to Juyeon for you.” San opens his mouth to speak, but you shake your head, pushing him away from you.

You leave San standing by himself as you search for Juyeon, your mood immediately souring. Why would he fucking do this to you? You can feel tears burning your eyelids and you abandon your search for Juyeon, searching instead for some liquor to take away your embarrassment.

As you pour yourself another shot of tequila, you notice a familiar face, Hongjoong talking to a girl you recognise as someone he hangs out with sometimes. They look like they’re getting it on and you feel a little bad, but you need his advice. “Hey, Kim Hongjoong!” you call out to him, waving him over. Hongjoong’s eyes brighten and he makes his way over, leaving the girl staring after him longingly, but her attention is soon taken away by two other guys. You recognise one of them from the cafeteria but you don’t remember his name.

“Hey, YN, what’s up? I didn’t expect to see you here, did San take you?” Your face falls and Hongjoong realises he stepped into dangerous territory. “Okay, what happened?”

-

“I can’t believe San is mad at me for kissing someone at the party,” you groan after explaining to Hongjoong the events leading up to now. “Sure, maybe it wasn’t the best move on my part but he’s had like, twenty million one-night stands, and yet I can’t kiss someone else? He hasn’t even talked to me after I mentioned going on a date. And yet he looked positively murderous after he saw me kissing that other guy.”

Hongjoong tilts his head, confused. “Isn’t that what you wanted, though? You like him.”

“I did! I do! But I’m so sick of waiting around for him, and I could’ve had a chance at liking someone else. He’s all over the place, and I don’t know if that’s what I want in a man.” You’re lying to both Hongjoong and yourself, and Hongjoong knows it, raising an eyebrow.

“Honestly, YN, it just sounds like you need to talk to him.” Hongjoong crosses his arms, tapping his foot and eager to back to the girl was with, but also not wanting to ditch you in your time of need. You feel a little bad for pulling him away, but your mind is swirling with so many thoughts, you don’t know if you can sort them out by yourself and drinking to erase those thoughts is not something you like to do. You’re not San.

And speak of the devil, you smell his familiar cologne before his hand lands on your shoulder and pulls you into his chest. You whirl around out of his grip and glare at him. “Get off me,” you snap. “I’m in the middle of a conversation right now, Choi San.”

With one glance at Hongjoong, he raises his hands and winks at you. “Have that talk, YN. It’ll do you more good than harm.”

Oh, you’re going to kill that traitor after the party. You turn your attention back to San, your mouth twisted into a frown. “You make this quick or else.”

San has the decency to look a little ashamed as his eyes shake. “Can we talk on the patio? It’s too loud in here.”

With a dramatic sigh, you grab his wrist and pull him through the crowd to the back door, practically slamming it behind you. You can see the eyes of people interested in the drama through the windows but you pay it no mind. “Speak. You get five minutes before I go back in and you don’t talk to me again for the rest of the night.”

San’s face falls and his lips pull into a pout. But no matter how subconsciously adorable he is, you refuse to fall for his charms this time. The heat of anger is still curling in your gut when you think about the argument from earlier. “YN, come on, I had a good reason.”

You shake your head, ignoring the strands of hair that fall into your eyes. “No, San. Confessing to me is not a good reason to fuck up my night. You didn’t even apologise. You’ve been ignoring me for days after I mentioned my date, and the moment I kiss Juyeon you get all angry and jealous? Be for real.” You pause for breath, glaring daggers into his eyes. “You are not owed my time, especially after that shit you pulled. Yeseul’s jealousy is why you broke up with her, so why are you like this to me?”

San’s gaze intensifies and you can see him actively trying to reign in his temper. Although he does his best to remain calm, if tempers are rising, he can be intense. “YN, what was I supposed to do? Watch you go out with him? Watch you slip from my fingers just like that?”

“Yes!” you all but scream at him. “If I could sit by and let Yeseul take each little bit of your heart, you could’ve done the same! I was going to be happy, San! I wouldn’t have to sit behind and watch you from the sidelines with my heart slowly cracking. But I don’t get that same courtesy.”

You step forward, poking his chest with a finger as you let loose your storm of thoughts. In your anger, you don’t even notice San’s arm moving until it wraps around your waist and pulls you into him. The action shocks you enough that you stop mid-sentence, your finger still pressing into San’s flesh. “You love me?” San leans in, his nose brushing against yours.

You can feel heat flare up in your face as you stare wide-eyed at him. It takes you a moment to register your compromising position and you stumble back, pushing at his chest. “Don’t do that,” you hiss, turning your eyes away. “I don’t like you, San. Not anymore.”

“You’re lying.” San’s voice is firm. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t like me anymore.”

You don’t know where you got it from. You’ve never been good at lying, not to San. Maybe it was the alcohol burning through your system, mixing with the shame and anger you feel. But this time, you stare him directly in the eye and say the four words that might’ve been the biggest lie in your life. “I don’t like you.” San’s brows furrow and he shakes his head.

“No–”

“Yes, San. You cannot just waltz around and expect me to keep the patience I had for you. I’m sick of being pulled around like a puppet. Maybe at first you didn’t know. But refusing to give me space when I asked for it?” You shake your head, glancing back at the party. “I’m going back in. We can talk about the apartment lease later.”

Without glancing back, you re-enter the house. And maybe it hurts a little that he doesn’t go after you, but at this point, you’re too numb and all you want to do is go home and cry. But home is not an option, not when it would probably be the first place he would look for you. Fighting back the tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you slide into your car, staring blankly at the wheel for a long moment until you feel composed and sober enough to drive.

And drive you certainly do. You’re not quite sure where you’re going, and you’re plenty aware that this is a bad idea, but you just let yourself go around and calm yourself down first. The crisp breeze paired with the warm spring air does wonders to clear your head and paired with the late times, there are not too many cars out. It’s peaceful.

You’re not too sure how long you were out, but it’s long enough for the blurry memory of the argument to clear and you groan, pulling over to park by the side of the road and let your head hit the steering wheel. You went too far. San had always been the more emotional of you two, always wearing his heart on his sleeve. He must’ve had a hard time with Yeseul, and although it doesn’t excuse him, you never gave him a chance to properly apologise.

With a sigh, you check your phone to see five missed calls and twenty texts from San asking where you are. He somehow even got your neighbours (a sweet couple in their twenties who babysit Byeol sometimes) to ask you if you’re okay. As your finger hovers over the call button, debating whether to call him back, bright headlights shine behind your car and you stiffen. Your hand hovers over the pepper spray you keep in the dash as you press the call button in a panic. No matter what the disagreement was about, you know San would still come to your aid if you needed it.

“YN, open the door. I’ve been worried sick!” San’s voice crackles through the receiver and you spin around in your seat, squinting at the figure standing behind your car and your shoulders sag in relief.

“God, San, you scared the shit out of me!” you scold, leaning over to unlock the passenger seat and push the door open while hanging up the call. “Get in here.”

A haggard-looking San slides in, his eyes red-rimmed and mouth pressed into a thin line. The car that drove him turns and you look back in confusion before San starts explaining. “I wanted to give you space so I stayed at the party,” he starts explaining after a moment. “But I got worried and went to the apartment to find you. But you weren’t there, and I asked all your friends. I’m lucky you left your location on, and my friend gave me a ride.”

You wince. You forgot about turning off your location, although you’re glad you didn’t as it would’ve been more dangerous otherwise. “I’m sorry,” you mumble, turning your eyes to look out the windshield. “I just needed to clear my head so I went for a drive.”

There’s a long period of suffocating silence between the two of you when San finally speaks, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry,” he starts and your head snaps towards him, eyes wide. Of all the things you expected to fall from his lips, an apology is not one of those things. Not tonight, at least. “I was too pushy. I shouldn’t have ignored you, or interrupted your time with Juyeon. I should’ve talked to you like an adult.”

You laugh, resting your head on the steering wheel. “What an astute observation, San. However did you come to that conclusion?” Your exasperation is evident in your tone and San sucks in a breath at how done you seem. “Look, San. I’m sure you didn’t mean it to be that bad. But I’m just…tired. I’m tired of always wondering what is running through your mind, where I am in your list of importance. You date Yeseul, but break up with her over me. You give me the cold shoulder when I go on a date, but suddenly me being on a date is unacceptable. I just don’t know how to take anything.”

Against your will, tears start to drop onto your thighs, streaking down the skin and you sniff. “Shit,” San panics beside you. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He hands you a tissue and you take it with shaking hands, pressing your face into it as San tugs you closer, guiding you to lean against him.

He repeats soft little ‘sorry’s and leans his head atop yours, his tears falling onto your hair. The two of you stay in this position for a long while, no words are needed to understand the emotional moment.

“Let’s go home, YN,” San mumbles, his voice vibrating deep in your heart. “Let’s go home and we can talk tomorrow.”

You sniff again, tears run dry as you sit up and wipe your eyes. “Okay,” you whisper out. “Let’s go home.”

San stays attached to you throughout the drive home, his hand gripping onto your own hand whenever he can, and quickly wrapping you into a back hug as you walk up to the apartment. “I…cuddle with me tonight?” you ask, eyes flitting away from his face, missing the brilliant smile that spreads across it.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he hums, walking with you to his room, and he lets you slide in first, the smell of his detergent filling your mind and your eyelids flutter shut already. San crawls in next to you, pulling you close.

“Good night, YN,” San mumbles as your breathing evens out. As you drift off into sleep, you swear you feel his soft lips on your forehead but you dismiss it as wishful thinking.

-

When you reawaken, San’s still curled up, your body covered by his, his breathing slow and gentle. You can’t help but blink a couple of times to make sure it isn’t a dream when his arms tighten around your waist and he shifts. “YN?” His morning voice is as rough as always, rumbling low in his chest.

“Hey, Sanah,” you greet him quietly, leaning up to meet his eyes blinking slowly at you like a cat’s. “Good morning.”

“Hi.” He dips his head to nuzzle into your neck, breathing in your scent. “I should probably explain myself.” His voice vibrates against your neck and you giggle softly at the ticklish feeling.

“That would be nice.”

San huffs, but he can’t complain about your snark. “I like you, YN. I don’t know when I started to, and I definitely didn’t realise I did until I started dating Yeseul. I did like her, but not as deeply as I thought I did. It was so easy to break up with her as soon as she made me pick between you and her. The answer came to me without a doubt in my mind as soon as the question left her lips, and yet I still didn’t realise my true feelings.” He laughs self-deprecatingly, and you stroke his hair comfortingly. “I didn’t realise why I was so pissed about you going out with Juyeon, and that’s why I was avoiding you. It’s a stupid reason, I know. But I just didn’t know why, not until I saw you at the party kissing him. I just wanted to be there instead of you. And I’m sorry, and I understand if you don’t like me anymore, but–”

“I love you.”

His head snaps up to stare at you after your sudden declaration, and after he registers your words a smile spreads across his face. He puffs out a breathy chuckle and you know his answer before he even says it. “I love you too.”

His eyes shine like you’ve hung the stars in the skies, and when they flit down to your lips, you know an unspoken question when you see it. You lean forward slowly, letting your eyes close once more when your lips meet his.

And damn, you were right about how San kisses. In a second, he deepens the kiss, bringing his hands up to cup your face while his tongue swipes at your lips. Shyly, you part your lips and he dives right in, licking into your mouth and biting at your lips.

“Sanah,” you gasp into his mouth, the sound swallowed by his plush lips. “Sanah–”

You repeat his name like a prayer as his lips travel down to your neck, littering wet kisses and bite marks all over your sensitive skin. “Fuck, baby, you’re so sweet to me,” San moans against your body. “Please, please, let me treat you right, make it up to you. Let me worship you.”

You whine as he laves his tongue over your breasts spilling out of the crop top you had worn last night. Any other time you would’ve stressed at how gross the clothes were but right now you could hardly even think about it. “Fuck, yes, please,” you beg when San nips at your cleavage, leaving a mark.

“Ah, already begging for me,” San groans, his hips pressing into your legs. “You’re so perfect.” His voice grows whiney as his sucks on your nipples, making your back arch.

His kisses move down your body until his breath is ghosting over your stomach and his hands are pawing at your pants, shoving them down as quickly as he can. He doesn’t have the same amount of minimal patience for your panties, and before you can react, he’s ripped them off your legs. “Choi San!” you scold, shifting to try and sit up but his grip on your hips stops you from moving too far.

“I’ll buy you a new pair,” San promises before diving right in and sucking at your clit without another moment’s hesitation. Your hips jerk and your core tightens at the sudden feeling as you throw your head back and moan so loudly it’s bordering on a scream

His ministrations on your dripping cunt have you wordless. His fingers are pressing into your hip bones, the sensation making you squirm. As soon as his tongue breaches your clenching hole your hands fly down to grasp at his hair. “Fuck–” you squeal, your legs attempting to close but San just pushes them apart again, busying himself in your folds.

“Fuck, you taste so good,” San groans, the vibrations sending shivers up your spine as he lets his teeth scrape against your clit. You can hardly focus on anything at the barrage of sensations filling you up, San fucking his tongue into you so well. Your thighs are shaking as you can feel yourself grow wetter and wetter against his face.

When you tilt your head down, he meets your eyes as he moves one of his hands to push a finger into your hole. “Shit–” your grip on his hair tightens impossibly. “Sanah–”

“Come for me, love,” San groans, and you let the dam break, screaming out his name until your voice is hoarse, and San licks up your release through it all.

When he finally pulls away from your twitching and sensitive core, his lips are covered in your glistening slick, thick globs of it sitting pretty on his chin. Without thinking, you pull him down and crash your lips against his, tasting yourself on his tongue. San groans as you lick his face clean, shoving your tongue deep into his mouth.

“Fuck, I need to fuck you right now or else I think I might go insane,” San growls, blindly fumbling in his nightstand to pull out a condom as he shoves down his sweats to reveal his hard, red cock. Without another thought, he opens the pack with his teeth, rolling the latex down his length with ease thanks to the precum dribbling down it.

He lines up, the tip of it kissing your hole, when you groan. You’re much too impatient for this, reaching down and holding him steady as you shift your body to sink onto his thick cock. “Shit, YN,” San grits out as you take him deeper and deeper until your cunt kisses his crotch. “You’re too much.”

You pant, shifting on his cock as you try to get used to the stretch. He’s not the longest you’ve had, but he’s thick and the stretch is almost too much. “You’re fucking talking, you fill me up so fucking well, Sanah.” You hiss as you throw your head back, the stinging melting into pleasure. “Fuck me already, San. Or should I go and find Juyeon to–”

You’re cut off by San thrusting into you so violently that you swear the bed shakes. “I don’t want to hear that fucking name out of your mouth anymore,” San commands, leaning forward until his body weight pins you down and your eyes roll back as he starts fucking into you with short, quick thrusts.

With every movement, you feel like you may break apart. You can hear every slick sound, the sound of it obscene, and yet all you want is more. Your previous release coats his cock so well, thick strings of it attaching to his hips.

His arms wrap around your waist, and before you can protest or do anything, he hoists you up until you’re sitting in his lap. You swear this angle makes him impale you even deeper, his cockhead kissing the perfect spot deep inside you. Your head drops to San’s shoulder, moaning against the fabric of his shirt. “Fuck, San, you’re so deep,” you moan high-pitched. “You’re so fucking good for me.”

San growls, pressing a kiss behind your ear. “You’re so tight for me, so much better than Yeseul. I saw you in the mirror, you know,” he whispers conspiratorially and you gasp and clench, snapping your head to look at him. “You’re not as sneaky as you thought, love. Did you touch yourself to the thought of me fucking you so well?”

You whine, words failing you, and San’s hips slow to a stop. You try your best to grind against him but his hands grip your waist, keeping you still. “Please–” you try to beg but San chuckles and nips at your earlobe.

“Answer me, YN.”

“Fuck– Yes!” you cry out, so eager for him to start moving again. “Wanted you to fill me with your cum so well until it was spilling out of me. Please, please, please, fuck me.”

“Hm.” And without any warning, San jerks his hips up into you, biting into your neck like a fucking vampire and you scream, hips stuttering as you come on his cock. You don’t think you’re making any coherent noises, just babbling into his neck as your bones become jelly from the overstimulation.

If you thought the sounds were obscene before, you swear they’ve become ten times worse as you lay limp against San’s body. He’s moving you up and down his cock like a doll and you pant, squeezing your eyes shut as you still feel aftershocks from your orgasm.

“Shit, you’re so warm around me, I’m gonna come,” San moans in your ear, his rhythm breaking as he drops your weight on his cock. You can feel him twitching inside you as his teeth sink into your neck once more. “God, I want to fill you up so badly, but that’s just going to have to wait, my love.”

After a long moment, he pulls out, groaning at your come coating the condom and his thighs. Without thinking, he dips his fingers in the mess and brings it to his mouth, licking it off like it’s the most delicious thing in the world to him. “Come here, baby,” he says in that beautifully raspy voice, and you lean forward, meeting his lips in another kiss.

This kiss is sweet and soft, but the lingering taste of your shared releases still permeates your taste buds. You sigh, leaning your head against his shoulder as he lays against the wall with you in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he apologises again, pressing another kiss to the top of your head and it’s almost like he hadn’t fucked you like it was your last day on earth. “I won’t ever leave you again.”

You hum, turning your head to pepper kisses over his neck freckles. “I should be the one saying that. I love you, San. And I’ll always run to you with no hesitation.”

[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖THE LIGHTNING ON TRACK | THE PRE-SEASON TESTING

fandom. formula one & mcu

about. it's pre-season testing time!

content warnings. smau & written parts, written in 3rd person & lowercase, not edited & proofread

word count. 1.1k

notes. we're dipping into the season, slowly but surely... this took me some time to finish, i literally didn't know what to write for testing ://

"we are here in bahrain, pre-season testing for all teams in 2025, welcome everyone!" croft greets the whole world, as live footage is shown across the devices. the camera spans over the whole track, to each individual paddock until stopping at the final one, in blinding white.

"the season is starting with a bang, for the first time in formula one, we will see a stark owned team on the track! in white and chrome they are, an iconic design and everyone is eager to see what the stark manufactured cars can do!"

"how right you are, david! welcome, i'm will buxton and i have someone of interest with me here. right here, in front of the stark racing garage- y/n stark, number 95, one of the drivers for stark racing. so, y/n, tell me, how are you feeling? are you ready for the first time in the car?"

"hello will, thank you for having me. well, it's not quite the first time in the car, we had a testing back in miami at the end of january, but it's something different to be officially here now. but i'm feeling confident- we have our data, the predicted numbers and we think we'll be able to achieve them."

"so, no major upgrades or changes planned?" y/n shakes her head with a grin.

"do you really think i'm going to answer that question? ask me again, when we're done." will laughs at that, nodding his head in understanding.

"understandable, but i will hold you onto that! gonna knock on the garage doors three days later." y/n laughs again, head thrown back. "but, y/n, how does it feel to be on the paddock? have you met the rest of the drivers yet? made any new friendships?"

"well..."

"can you turn that off?", carlos gruffly asks his teammate, who just waves his hand at him as answer. with a groan, he stares at the tv, showing the first driver interview of the day, y/n stark. her voice washes over him, empty answers of being excited to properly meet everyone and maybe even bond with a few drivers.

"i don't know why you're so obsessed, perceval." charles immediatly splutters, waving his hands to deny the accusation.

"i'm not! but it's so interesting! tony stark is literally here, aren't you at least a bit excited? arthur said that y/n is like him!"

"what, arrogant? self-centered?"

"carlos! stop being so negative! i meant like- a genius! someone who raced with her back in f3 is friends with arthur, i forgot his name, but apparently y/n constantly does calculations while she drives. that's why she's so good overtaking." carlos just sighs and leaves charles to whatever he's doing right now. he has no interest in this circus.

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ 🏎️ ˖⁺‧₊˚—

kevin watches the interviews from the sideline, completely satisfied with how everyone is hounding y/n and leaving him in peace. of course he had his fair amount of questions and interviews, but much less than his teammate.

it has been a whirlwind, ever since he joined the team. strange, for a while, everything seeming so futuristic, but now his glasses feel like a another part of his race suit he's putting on every day.

the team has been welcoming, open to his input, but it's very clear to him that y/n is their star driver and he's the support. and he's alright with it. of course, winning a championship would mean everything, but he knows he's not going to continue this forever. especially not when he has a kid, he's missing so much... something he dislikes, because family means everything to him.

this is why his contract is only for two years. if he wishes to continue and his results at the end of the season are steady, tony promised him a seat as long he wishes for. he is incredibly thankful for this offer, fully knowing that this kind of support doesn't exist in formula one.

"ready to go?", he asks, after y/n's press officer ushers her out of the mob called journalists.

"so ready to go", she grins. but they're not alone, the netflix camera's immediately surround them and capture their walk to the garage. people part from them, staring openly at the drivers. one of the most iconic footage later shown in the drive to survive documentary.

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ 🏎️ ˖⁺‧₊˚—

"so, here he goes, kevin magnussen for stark racing, leaving his side of the garage. the car is looking incredible, i really like the color!", comments crofty and the other men immediately begin to chatter as well. throwing in rumors and hearsay about the team, they expertly fill the silence of kevin doing his first lap on the track.

"last to leave the garage and on the track, all eyes are on stark racing- oh and there he goes, picking up the speed!"

"his tyres seem to have warmed up- woah! look at the smoothness! kevin seems to be home in his car, his struggles from the last season are nowhere to be seen", adds jenson, while the cameras continue to follow the white car with the number 20.

"and there he goes! on medium tyres, setting the third fastest lap already, this looks definitely promising." will shares his own thoughts, reminding the viewers that there is definitely a possibility of stark racing going at least one or two seconds faster.

"by the looks of it, the stark racing team seems to be satisfied- honestly can't tell much, the glasses are hiding too much", jokes another man and all of them laugh. "bloody starks, am i right?"

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ 🏎️ ˖⁺‧₊˚—

the testing days are filled with endless laps and data, followed by long hours of debrief. they've already proven that they're fast, slotting themselves on the upper half of the grid, sticking close to the more experienced teams.

speculations are thrown around, is stark racing sandbagging? of course they must be, while others think that this is the best they can do. neither of the drivers or the team principal lose a word on it, instead they repeat always the same statements.

"we delivered what we predicted."

"we tested our theories, confirmed or debunked them, so the past three days have been very productive."

"we're exactly there where we want to be and we know our next steps."

empty words and yet the journalists pounce on them as if they're the next headlines. the whole world watches with eagerness as stark racing finishes up their debut in formula one and they impatiently await the first race of the season.

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crossed off tags mean i can't tag you!

DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE SERIES TAGLIST? please leave a comment on this post or send a non anonymous ask!

ARKHAM MAID 2024

[raayllum]

Rayla as Callum's Deepest Truth - what does that mean? :: Or Truth in S6

Season six of The Dragon Prince talks a lot about truth.

It's a sentiment at least mentioned in almost every episode, and in a show featuring secrets, unreliable narrators, and characters routinely keeping information from or divulging information to one another, it's an accordingly complicated concept for both the characters and the show's broader narrative.

Thereby, we're going to start with the most straight forward associations in the season, beginning with Callum's plot line in 6x06 and the scene itself, and then work backwards through the various other aspects that contribute to both initial and more layered readings of the concept that we can extrapolate from other aspects / relationships the season explores through truth.

Let's begin.

Truth as Light and Love

The first and simplest readings of Rayla as Callum's Truth is that she is Light ("How do I find this light?" / "the one deep truth so bright it can fill the darkness") and Love. This isn't really a stretch, given that seeing and embracing Star Rayla causes a bright light to shine literally in canon, and successfully fill the hole in Callum's spirit with light and purify him of darkness. This also pulls on the most straight forward associations from Rayla and light in prior seasons.

We see this reflected in Janai and Amaya's blessing of the sun at their wedding—a request for "love and light"—and in their discussions with one another in 6x02. Amaya assures her that Janai can still fix what is broken for her people (put a pin that idea of broken + fixing for later) so long as she doesn't try to do it alone. Janai affirms this through her understanding of "The King with 1000 Eyes" story, stating that much like in the tale's pair of lovers, Amaya is also:

While this doesn't necessitate the idea of Truth as being romantic love for an individual, this line is one of the biggest reasons going into 6x06 that I thought maybe Rayla would end up being his Deepest Truth. This is also partially because they refer back to the idea of light and fixing, directly stating that "there is a way to fix it" through the star-light ritual, and we see this idea again with Rayla in 6x09 with Runaan.

Rayla was always set up to be Callum's alternative path in opposition to Aaravos as well (though again, we'll get to that specific path motif more later) through the framing of light. It's unsurprising then that in opposition to both metaphorical and literal darkness

we get Rayla and his love for her being a literal light.

These are the most straight forward, positive sides of Truth that we see, and the ones I think (mostly) that 6x06 plays most overtly, though there are others as well that we'll get to in a second. This is also the most straightforward the series has been about 'darkness = bad' and 'light = good' as well, even if there are always exceptions to every rule (which we'll get to later as well).

Light and love and Rayla can fix what is broken. She can save you. She can restore you. Her, and your love for her, leads you out of the darkness. Mends you. Makes you whole again.

That's some powerful stuff, especially as a basic surface level reading. (For a less than surface level one with this similar theme of broken and fixing, you can read this meta regarding Leola and Rayla.)

With that under our belts, I want to take this basis of "the Truth (Rayla) as love and light" to explore how it leads naturally into the final Rayla and Callum scene of the episode, featuring

Truth as Clarity

We've gone over light, and we'll go over purpose, but for now I want to talk about the idea of truth as clarity. To have clarity is to have a better sense of the reality of things, a founded understanding of a situation or person. The Celestial elves seek clarity through the "true light of the heavens." The clarity Callum receives in realizing and finding that Rayla is his one truth causes him to finally take the next step and begin their relationship fully again by kissing her, and by confessing his love to her.

Clarity is also derived from the basis of knowing, however—"Hold to what you've always known [...] the answer in your heart is clear / I am near, my love is here"—of knowing that is the truth. Of seeing clearly, of seeing someone, truly for who they are and loving them.

RAYLA: Why didn't you tell me? CALLUM: Cause I know you, Rayla. If I'd told you, you would've refused to go, because you never do anything for yourself.

He loves her because he knows her ("That's what makes her a hero. That's what makes her Rayla" / "She's not 'the elf'. She's Rayla") and he knows her because he loves her, because he understands her ("And I understand why you couldn't tell me") through love. His trial and Truth gave him the clarity to express it, and the purpose to do so in many ways. It's also a positive grasp of purpose, since Viren ("I have power, purpose, and I intend to use both of them") and Aaravos ("I chose to live, and my life took on new purpose") become dark, twisted, and self destructive. Loving each other makes Callum and Rayla mutually better, and it's something both are finally able to whole heartedly embrace. To love is simply to know this.

Between this, and Viren's whole assessment that "The path of freedom is the path of truth," what could possibly be bad potentially about Rayla being Callum's one Truth, or the truth in general? Well...

Truth as A Weapon / a Burden

I actually wrote a meta all about this theme in Arc 2 for season 4 and season 5 before S6 called "Knowledge as a Burden" that I recommend reading if you haven't already. However, it's not necessary as this section is about how the Truth or 'Knowledge' can be a burden and a weapon depending on what the truth is, and how the information is presented. And this eventually does make its way back to the more positive outcome of Rayla being Callum's truth, so we'll circle our way back around.

With all that in mind, let's start with the most obvious. In 6x06, "Moment of Truth," both Callum and Viren wrestle with the results of previous actions due to dark magic. In one timeline, Callum learns the truth about the pearl and spirals into self-despair; in the other, ultimately canon timeline, this truth is withheld from him, allowing him to maintain the courage and strength he needs to go through the star-light ritual ceremony. By withholding the truth, he's given clarity, light, and purpose, which we went over in the previous section.

Alternatively, Viren's arc in this episode leans more heavily onto the concept that giving Soren the letter would be shifting a burden to his son.

Are you providing clarity, light, and purpose, or are you shifting a burden to someone who needs all their strength?

Both these plot lines ultimately end in different ways. By sharing the truth, Callum and Rayla reconcile, and by withholding the truth, Viren spares his son more pain, and they don't ultimately reconcile. I'll definitely talk about Viren and Soren's arc together in S6 someday in a proper meta, so I don't want to touch on it too much here, but it is noteworthy because it reaffirms the concept in this season that sometimes, knowing the truth can make things worse, not better, and cause more pain, not less.

We see this in how Callum's dark magic use weighs on him heavily in 6x03, leading to an argument between him and Rayla, and that learning he did dark magic causes Rayla to respond differently to his request to kill him; whereas before she steadfastly refused, here she agrees because she can see the risk and concerns are more prominent. This doesn't of course make their bond better (although it doesn't worsen it, either), but their literal ship does catch on fire and sink when she demands that he sacrifice her, and promises to sacrifice him, so... It's not good, either, even if it's ultimately good that Callum shared it with her for his own sake.

Where we see the Truth most weaponized in the season, however, in moving away from 'the truth as light' is with Aaravos himself.

AARAVOS: Good, good. You've played your part well. Before you perish, would you like a reward, a small mercy perhaps? The mercy of truth. The answer to the mystery that has haunted you for a thousand years. What happened to your beloved mate that disappeared? SOL REGEM: Tell me, betrayer. What became of Aithne Solaire? AARAVOS: I should warn you, sometimes the line between mercy and cruelty can be thin. [...] It was you. You killed her. Go on, breathe deep. I know you can smell the truth from a lie, and this is a deep, dark truth. In your fury, you buried her alive.

This is, of course, a move Aaravos used before ("Arrogant, just like your grandmother. Would you like to know the truth of her fate before you meet yours? I swallowed her") with Khessa back in season three. This is also something he utilizes as a manipulation tactic with others, knowing the importance of withholding the truth until it is beneficial for you to reveal it ("Careful, if you tell the truth you will lose her") and Aaravos' own belief that "[he] never lies" which Claudia reaffirms in 6x01: "Aaravos wasn't lying."

Of course, just because something is true according to him and his worldview or vantage point doesn't mean that it is deeply, objectively true, but that's another matter.

What matters here for the sake of this meta is that the truth isn't always good. The truth can be withheld to protect others (2x03, 6x06), to protect yourself (although sometimes misguided), and to manipulate and control other people (Viren orchestrating the war in S2 and S3, Aaravos routinely, etc). The "mercy of truth" is sometimes not mercy at all, but cruelty, showcased in Aaravos revealing something he knew would devastate and harm an already dying dragon/enemy.

The truth can be cruel. The truth can be deep and dark, too, not just light and lifting burdens. Knowledge can be an terrible burden. The truth can be awful.

So can love.

So can your path.

Truth as a Path (Freedom)

VIREN: Despite all this, I am changed. I woke up feeling free for the first time in a very long time. I know I have led my sweet, brilliant daughter down the wrong path. I have led you by the hand and I have led you by my example. Perhaps now if I walk the path of freedom, you will find your path someday, too. CLAUDIA: What do you mean 'path of freedom'? VIREN: The path of freedom is the path of truth. I must face my truth... in Katolis.

The path motif was something touched on sparingly in the first three seasons, largely in response to actual, literal paths the characters were taking. However, beginning more overtly in season four and bolstered by season five, Arc 2 has steadily turned it into one of the most consistent motifs that runs throughout season six. What is created, then, is a set of binary paths. There is the Path of Freedom—moving away from the Cycle and a narrative of strength, away from trying to replicate or get back to the past and moving towards the future instead, away from Aaravos and dark magic—and the 'wrong, dark' Path of Fate that moves in opposition to it.

This is most directly stated in Viren's final dream with his past self:

PRESENT VIREN: The path of fate is already chosen. Every step I took, I took because I had to. YOUNG VIREN: No. That can't be true. No matter where you are on the path, no matter what you've done before, every step forward is a choice. I am free, and so are you.

reaffirmed in Viren's decision at the end of 5x09:

VIREN: No. I won't do it. I finally see the truth. I find myself here at these horrifying crossroads because I have followed a dark path. And worst of all, I have led my beloved daughter done this path. No more dark magic! Never again! I am done with it — and I am done with you!

and in Callum's conversation with Rayla in 4x07:

CALLUM: What if I'm on a path of darkness? RAYLA: Then take a different path, dummy!

All of this was just some of the set up that has routinely put Rayla and Aaravos in direct opposition of each other for Callum's fate. There are framing things like her and the mirror being two very overt paths stretching out before Callum when she comes back, and Rayla being what pulls his attention away from the mirror, but 4x07 made it in The Text by having her represent and literally remind Callum he always has choices: "No one can control you or make your choices for you" (which is partially pressed on in his assessment in "I didn't have a choice" in 6x03, but again: meta for another day). Rayla always represented freedom (his wings, agency) and light (all previous framing) and she still does so in being his Truth. Rayla is his Light, reminder of his freedom, and brings all those things into being his Truth; it is a beautiful culmination (for now) of Callum's choice to move away from dark magic and Aaravos' control by literally embracing his love for Rayla and all she represents in his life. (And yeah you've probably already noticed the snag here, but I'm gonna get to that in a sec.)

This connection between Truth and Path is affirmed in Terry's talk with Claudia in 6x04, in which they discuss:

CLAUDIA: Maybe I should be walking a different path, too. But Aaravos helped us. He followed through on everything he said he was going to do to save my Dad, and I promised to help free him. So should I quit dark magic? Please, Terry, tell me what to do. TERRY: Claudia, I can't. Only you can see your own deep truth. Only you can decide the path you're going to walk. You won't be alone. [...] But you have to choose the way. What do you need to find your truth?

So on top of being Light and Love, and Rayla being Callum's One Truth equalling the Path of Freedom, Rayla is just Callum's chosen Path. He chooses the Path of light, love, freedom — all good things through the embodiment of her and their relationship, much the way Callum has been her guiding star in pulling her away from her dark and self-destructive paths (going after Viren) and making measured choices (coming back in 4x09, realizing she can't/shouldn't separate Lain and Tiadrin, etc).

Okay great, awesome! Sounds like Callum has done what he needs to do, he's rid himself of the taint of dark magic and Aaravos' control by proxy. His love for Rayla got him through it. She's his path. She's his truth.

What could possibly be wrong with that?

The Truth is Everything

After season four aired, I wrote a meta about how Aaravos (Fate) and Rayla (Freedom) represented Callum's two paths going forward into S5 and beyond. Much of what was in that meta has already been touched on here, given that S6 evolved this dichotomy and this motif in largely the ways I thought it ultimately would.

However, in that past meta, I also posited that these two paths would ultimately not be as separate as they might appear, and would converge. Part of this was because S4 emphasized the importance of not treating dualities as binaries, but in reconciling them ("Now you're back. That's kind of good, and it's kind of bad" / "How can I have that and the life I want with you? [...] Just have two cakes" / "We have to hold pain and love in our hearts at the same time"). Specifically, that Rayla would be what leads Callum into getting closer to Aaravos and playing into his clutches, which 5x08, 6x03—and indeed the upped stakes for dark magic use ("if you ever use it again, the darkness and corruption will overwhelm you") coming off 6x06—feel like natural steps forward.

Because while the light, and Truth, and Rayla, is usually a Good Thing in Callum's life, as Soren points out, it isn't always.

After all, Callum only did dark magic—both times—because of Rayla.

CALLUM: I did one spell. One. I had to, to save my friends. (5x08)

CALLUM: I did it for you! Finnegrin was going to kill you. I didn't have a choice, because... I would do anything for you. (6x03)

His love for Rayla has already been his path to darkness and Aaravos just as much as it's been his path out of darkness to light and freedom away from Aaravos. Aaravos has both dark and light; so does Rayla as a literal Moonshadow elf, and her dual swords, and her juxtaposition of immense mercy and obsessive violence. He is "destined to play into [Aaravos'] hands," with Aaravos' scheme for Callum still clearly ongoing, given that Aaravos is out and the cube is still in play.

They also wouldn't 1) bring up the possession related promise and 2) have Rayla actually agree to it and then 3) have her affirm that Runaan taught her to never break her promises all in the same season if it wasn't going to come back into play, and the only way Aaravos can possess Callum again is if he does dark magic again. (I'll do a separate meta sometime after this regarding how S6 evolves the possession plotline in about every episode Callum and Rayla are mutually in, later, too.)

Just as Rayla was the reason Callum ever did dark magic or successfully got the cube in the first place, she will almost surely, inevitably, be the reason he does dark magic — breaking his promise, and opening up room for her to break her own.

RAYLA: Listen to me. If you ever have to choose between me or the greater good, do the right thing. Make the sacrifice.

Callum will choose Rayla every time, whether that leads to saving or destroying himself.

She is His Path, singular—the path of fate and free will, to light and to darkness, to destruction and salvation. The various dualities in their relationship will all be reconciled and brought to complete fruition.

And that's everything.

[sebscore]

Hello! Same anon from the charles x sister ask (not the dentist one). I love the recent fic! I cant think of anything specific that I would love to read, maybe just some cute sibling fluff between charles and reader, if not all the siblings? Thanks, you’re doing great!!

A SILVERSTONE WEEKEND | LECLERC BROTHERS

pairings: charles leclerc x sister!reader / lorenzo leclerc x sister!reader / arthur leclerc x sister!reader / pierre gasly x leclerc!reader / ollie bearman x leclerc!reader / isa hernáez x leclerc!reader

warnings: reader is a teenager. mention of flying. swearing.

author's note: thanks for the leclerc!sister resurrection on my blog! I hope you enjoy this fic and let me know what you think of it!

• • • • • • •

Silverstone was the first race of the new racing season the youngest Leclerc sibling attended. Her summer break had just started and a small trip to England seemed the right way to celebrate the end of the school year.

Since her brothers were already in England, she had to travel on her own as her mother had to stay in Monaco for work. It had been an anxious experience, but Lorenzo would pick her up at the airport and right away they would drive to the circuit to watch Arthur's sprint race and Charles' qualifying.

''Did they take care of you on the plane?'' The eldest brother hadn't been too keen on his little sister traveling alone without any kind of chaperone to accompany her.

Y/N nodded her head, handing her suitcase to her brother. ''Yeah, they were very nice to me,'' she eased his worries, ''but can you tell Charles that I'm fine with flying coach? I was the only person sitting in first class, it was embarrassing sitting there all alone.'' She was grateful her brother had gotten her a great seat on the plane, but she found all the luxuries a bit unnecessary.

Lorenzo laughed at words, imagining his sister sitting all alone while stewardesses attend to her every need. ''He wanted to be sure you had people there to help you in case you needed it,'' his hand moved to hold his sister's, ''by the way, at first he wanted to put you on a private plane, so be grateful you got to fly commercial.''

They made their way out of the airport and into his car, on their way to Silverstone. It would take them about an hour to get there, maybe with some extra traffic. ''How did Arthur's qualifying go yesterday? I didn't check it.'' She asked him, after sending their mother a message that she had arrived safely.

''P2, so today he starts P11 and tomorrow he's on the front row.'' Lorenzo answered her, explaining Arthur's starting positions. ''That's great.''

''Have you eaten anything?''

Y/N shook her head. ''No, I woke up too late and didn't have time to eat breakfast, and I didn't eat anything on the plane, because I was scared everything would, uh, come back up again.''

''You still get sick on planes? How many times have you flown now.'' Lorenzo chuckled, surprised his sister still got motion sickness while on planes.

She shrugged her shoulders. ''It's not like I have control over it, Enzo.''

''We'll eat at the track then, they have a lot of good stuff there.''

Eventually, they arrived at the circuit and walked to the Ferrari hospitality. It was Y/N's first time at the British Grand Prix, so she attentively observed the F1 paddock. The oldest and youngest sibling ran into an old family friend, Pierre Gasly. ''Enzo and Little Leclerc.'' He greeted them, hugging Lorenzo and giving Y/N a peck on the cheek.

''It's been a while since I last saw you, Y/N!'' Pierre said, not even being able to recall when he last saw the young girl. ''I know, it's good to see you.''

She was quite close with the Frenchman as their families were. They had been on vacations together and of course she would see him when she came to support Charles. Her brother and the Alpha Tauri driver even used to be in charge of babysitting her when she was still a toddler, although that didn't always go as planned.

''She finally has a break from school.'' Lorenzo explained to him, his arm going around her shoulder. Pierre nodded, forgetting sometimes that the girl still went to school.

He ruffled her hair. ''I have to go, but root for me, alright? I'm still your favorite driver, I hope?'' Pierre joked, referring to the time Y/N had teased Charles by saying that Pierre was her favorite Formula 1 driver.

''Yeah, of course,'' she jokingly rolled her eyes, ''bye, Pierre!'' They bid him goodbye and wished him luck in the qualifying later.

After a few more minutes of walking, they made it to the Ferrari hospitality where they could already see Arthur, Joris, Andrea and Charles waiting for them at one of the tables. As soon as the latter saw his younger sister, he stood up and embraced her in a hug. ''You're finally here.'' Charles sighed.

She smiled up at him and walked around the table greeting everyone else. ''I for sure thought you would step on the wrong plane and get lost.'' Arthur teased her, ruffling her hair like Pierre did earlier.

Y/N took the seat in-between Charles and Arthur, wanting to sit near her brothers as the new environment and people made her a bit uneasy. ''Yeah, you wish I got lost.''

Lorenzo offered to get himself and his sister some food, to which she protested saying that she should at least help him with it. ''No, no! You catch up with everyone, it's no big deal.'' She hesitated, but ultimately gave up and let him go alone.

''Maman send us your grades, they were really good!'' Charles spoke up, the picture of her school results popping into his mind. Y/N nodded, proud of herself for the great results. ''Thank you.''

''She send them to everyone in her contact book.'' Arthur commented, getting a laugh out of everyone. ''I even got a message saying how you had the best results in your class.'' Andrea added, the youngest Leclerc's grades had been the topic of the week.

Charles sat up straight, suddenly remembering something. ''Oh, yeah! We got you something, to congratulate you!'' He rummaged through his bag, pulling out a crumpled white envelope.

He handed it over to his sister, letting his arm hang around the back of her chair. ''It's from your lovely brothers.'' The grins on Arthur and Charles' faces gave her some trust issues about this ''gift''.

''If it's another signed picture of Arthur, I don't want it.'' She pretended to hand the envelope over again. The brothers laughed but shook their heads, that joke had become outdated after the countless times the youngest brother had pulled it. ''It's not that! It's actually something serious this time.'' Arthur assured her, coming across as genuine.

Y/N hesitantly opened the envelope, revealing multiple gift cards for several luxury fashion brands like Chanel, Dior and Versace. She observed the cards with wide eyes, in disbelief her brothers would actually get her a useful gift.

''Oh, thank you so much!'' Her arms first went around Charles, giving him a kiss on the cheek and afterwards doing the same with Arthur.

Bright smiles appeared on the brother's faces, delighted that their baby sister liked their gift. ''You can go shopping with Maman or Charlotte when you're back home.'' Charles suggested. ''Or Carla?'' Arthur added, including his girlfriend.

Lorenzo made it back to their table, holding a plate of pasta for the young girl. ''Oh, you already got your gift! You like it, Chérie?'' It had been a last-minute kind of situation to get her the cards, having to wait whether her grades were good or not.

''Yeah, thank you so much, Enzo!'' Just like before with Charles and Arthur, she gave her oldest brother a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

''Eat up now!''

''Arthur Leclerc crossed the line to take the win!''

Y/N proudly watched her brother take the checkered flag, already making her way to the barricades with her siblings to congratulate him on the victory. Much to her surprise, the first person Arthur ran up to was his sister instead of his engineer or other two brothers.

Normally she would push his sweaty form away, but this time she reciprocated the firm grip he had on her. ''You looked so cool, Thur! It was awesome!'' She practically yelled, not sure how much he could actually hear of it.

Arthur was semi-relieved he had his helmet on, knowing his sister would have teased him for a long time if she had seen the big smile that appeared on his face. He felt a hint of pride in himself as it was the first time Arthur was called ''cool'' by his younger sibling, at least the first time he had heard the words come out of her own mouth.

''Can we get a picture with the four Leclercs?'' One of the photographers asked them, holding his camera up. The three brothers glanced at their sister, knowing she isn't used to getting her picture taken like the rest of them. Y/N slowly nods her head, putting her arm around Charles' waist.

Arthur took a step back, taking off his helmet and balaclava for the photo. ''Do I look fine?'' He asked no one in particular.

''No, but it will do.'' She teased him, resulting in a slap on the arm from him.

The Formula 3 champion of the day wiped some sweat from his face before reaching his arm over his sister's shoulder. The four of them smile for the camera and wait until the photographer gives them a thumbs up.

''Arthur, you stink.'' Y/N tried to take a step away from him, but he pulled her back into him and rubbed his sweaty face all over the top of her hair. ''Ew! Get away from me!'' She pushed him off of her, her disgusted expression amusing her brothers very much.

''Leclerc, get on the podium!''

Y/N couldn't help but take out her phone and film as her brother took the top step, proudly lifting his trophy in the air and spraying the champagne around. She sent the video to their mom, who couldn't have been more delighted for her son's first F3 win of the season.

''Oh, this bitch.'' Y/N mumbled to herself as Arthur was nowhere in sight.

Not too long after his podium ceremony, she had to use the bathroom. Arthur had suggested she used the one at the Prema hospitality as it was the closest one to them. Charles had to go get ready for his own race and Lorenzo joined him, telling the two youngest to meet them at his Ferrari garage.

Arthur said he would wait for her outside the bathroom and that they would go together, since the youngest Leclerc was unfamiliar with the space and their mother would kill the three brothers if they lost her. Yet, no Arthur in sight.

Y/N stood frozen in her place, not wanting to snoop around looking for her brother and potentially walk into the wrong room.

''You okay there?'' A thick British accent interrupted her internal panic, slightly flinching at the sudden appearance of someone.

She turned around and was met with a guy she guessed was around her age, and towered a bit over her. He looked familiar, she just couldn't seem to place him. ''Uh, yeah, uh, my brother- he was supposed to wait for me here and now he's gone…'' She managed to stutter out, feeling nervous under the young man's gaze.

''Arthur was called down by one of the team members to discuss the race, that can take while actually.'' He explained his absence, pointing at one of the rooms where Arthur seemed to be.

Y/N nodded, understanding. ''Ah, wait- you know my brother?'' She frowned, she didn't even tell him it was Arthur she was looking for.

The guy nervously chuckled, realizing she had no idea who he was. ''Yeah, we're teammates! I'm Ollie, Ollie Bearman.''

''Oh my god, of course! You were on the podium as well, congrats.'' Maybe she should start to pay more attention to the jobs of her brothers. ''Sorry, it's the first time I've been to a Grand Prix this year.'' She apologized.

''It's okay, really,'' Ollie brushed it off, ''you need to get somewhere or?''

She nodded her head. ''My brother is racing and I need to get to the Ferrari garage, but I have no idea how I'm supposed to get there.''

''Well if you want I can get you to the F1 paddock? I don't have a special pass, so I can't show you where the garage is, unfortunately.'' He suggested, a soft smile settled on his face.

His offer to help her brought a red blush to her cheeks. ''That would be really sweet, thank you so much.''

''Don't worry about it.'' The walk to the entrance of the F1 paddock hadn't been too long, but long enough so the young pair could get to know each other more.

In the beginning it was a little hard to get the conversation going as this was the first time the two ever met, but soon enough Ollie was sharing stories about his young karting days and his little sister's show jumping. ''My mum didn't want her to do karting.''

Y/N chuckled. ''Mine was the same! My dad always tried to persuade her, but it never worked.'' Pascale had seen the bruises her son's would come home with, there was no way she would let her daughter have the same.

''You've never karted then?''

''I've done it a few times with my brothers, but they always make it into a competition and it's not fun that way.'' She explained, recalling the few times she did go karting and ended up almost being pushed off the track by Charles and Arthur.

''I get that- oh, here we are.'' They had arrived at the entrance, both of them a bit disappointed that they had to part ways already. ''I don't think it should be too hard to find out where the garage is once you're inside.'' He assured her.

''Thanks, Ollie,'' she smiled at him, ''I really appreciate it.''

His face mirrored hers. ''No problem, uh, I'll see you around then?'' He hoped to see more of the Leclerc girl, she was very charming and unlike Arthur had claimed to him and Jak, she seemed greatly intelligent.

''Yes, I'll see you, bye!'' Y/N offered a small wave and turned around to make her way into the paddock, hoping that one way or another she would find her brother's garage.

Ollie's assurance that it wouldn't be too hard to find was the biggest lie she had heard all day. She already doesn't have the best sense of orientation and the large amount of people roaming the paddock, weren't making it any easier.

An idea popped into her head, one that she should have come up with from the beginning.

Phoning up her brothers.

Charles wasn't going to pick up, that was a given. So then she tried Lorenzo whose phone must have either died or put on silent since it didn't even go through. The last option was Arthur and like she thought, that man was never going to answer one of her calls ever. At least they couldn't say that she didn't try.

But someone must have listened to her prayers. ''Y/N?'' A voice next to her pulled her out of her thoughts, a hand laid on her shoulder. ''You okay?''

Y/N glimpsed to her side and saw Isa, Carlos' girlfriend, looking at her with concern in her eyes. ''Oh, I- I can't find my brothers.''

Isa's concerned expression changed to a relieved one, glad nothing too bad had happened to the young girl. ''I know where they are, come on.'' The older woman held out her hand, which Y/N immediately took.

''I haven't seen you since last year! How have you been?'' Her and Isa had met on a few other occasions ever since Carlos became Charles' teammate. She was very fond of her and the Spanish woman always complimented the girl.

''School just ended, so I'm doing really well.'' She nervously grinned, flustered about holding hands with her.

Isa laughed at her words. ''Oh, yeah! Charlotte said something about it, smartest girl of the class?'' She teased, quoting the words her friend had told her.

Turns out that the Ferrari garages hadn't been too far and she had been going the entirely wrong way as she and Isa were already making their way through the halls that would lead to Charles'.

''There you are!'' Lorenzo exclaimed upon noticing his sister walking in with Isa, running up to her and taking her into his arms. ''Thank you so much!'' He told Isa, who brushed it off and bid them goodbye to go support her boyfriend.

A guilty-looking Arthur appeared from behind Lorenzo. ''I'm so sorry! I wasn't away for that long, but when I got back you were already gone.'' He apologized, genuine regret audible in his voice.

''It's fine, Ollie helped me and I ran into Isa as well.'' She wasn't too mad about it, this was one of those things that she could blackmail him with for a long time.

''Ollie? My teammate? He helped you?'' The puzzled expression on Arthur's face caused a chuckle to escape.

Y/N nodded. ''Yeah, he brought me to the paddock! Very nice guy.'' The shy smile that played on her lips wasn't amusing to the youngest Leclerc brother.

''You made sure to thank him, right?'' Lorenzo didn't seem to mind that a young man her age had spent time with her, he was just relieved she had somehow found her way to them. ''Of course, Enzo.''

''What did you even talk about with him?'' Arthur continued asking, confused as to why his teammate wanted to help his sister in the first place.

His sister gave him a glare. ''One more question and I'm telling Maman you left me all alone, alright?'' The protective older brother act didn't suit Arthur at all.

''Let's focus on Charles now, okay? You two have had your moment to shine.'' Lorenzo interrupted.

''Hey! I could have been kidnapped or something!''

''Too bad you weren't- Auw! Enzo, she hit my arm!''

''You deserved it, Arthur.''

[rey-jake-therapist]

Ok, here am I again posting another TROP/Haladriel meta... Feel free to mute me if you can't take it anymore, these are gonna be two long weeks as there are still two episodes left...

We're having a lot of discussions about what we'll get to see in Episode 8 (maybe even a bit in episode 7??), and it's really great and exciting to speculate about what will happen when our two love birds mortal enemies finally meet again.

It seems to be the general consensus that Sauron will try again to convince her to be his queen. Now I may be the dissonant voice, but I personnally don't think it will be that straightforward.

Charlie said several times that Sauron was pissed that Galadriel rejected him, but that it wasn't the end of the world, for him. Meaning: he totally believes he can make it without her.

To the Nerdist, he said :

"Speaking of your old screenmate, Sauron asked Galadriel to be his queenOpens in a new tab at the end of season one of The Rings of Power. How much, if at all, does he still want that by this point? And does he think it’s a possibility? Vickers: I think he probably does think it’s still a possibility because he has this hubris and this self-love. He thinks he’s really cool, and he thinks, “Well, she rejected me once, but next time I come back for her, she won’t reject me again because I’ll be so powerful she won’t be able to.” But I don’t think he necessarily wants that. I think his initial proposal to her was to join him, and they could be king and queen of Middle-earth, but really, he would’ve been king, and she would’ve been his righthand woman. Any kind of dreams he has involve her being number two and him being number one."

(I would love to see him try to submit Galadriel to his will, btw. I mean, c'mon man)

To Collider, he said,

"His getting rejected definitely leaves him with this sour taste in his mouth, and he goes away thinking, “I can make this right.” Whatever that means to him. That's one of his throughlines in terms of his motivation or goals for this second season is how much he's driven and how much this relationship gives him a sense of purpose."

And to Schön:

That connection will endure as long as the show endures because although they might not be together in proximity when we pick it up, he’s pissed off that she has turned his pitch down [laughter]. That drives him to think, I can make her join me, or I’ll make her pay for this.

Here, there's also an interview he gave for Total Films, where he reveals that there's a "huge amount of urgency in each of them trying to obtain what they want in that situation": https://x.com/totalfilm/status/1830244276539654595

I'm sure I've read an interview where Charlie said that Sauron would probably want to taunt Galadriel with what they could have done together had she said yes. Edit : found it! Interview for TV Insider.

Second to his lust for more rings is Sauron’s desire to get the Elven rings back. “While he didn’t directly touch them, which is a big thing this season, [Galadriel] has this ring that he put all this effort into, and he wants that back,” Vickers admits. Sauron “covets” these jewels, “and particularly hers,” he explains, “because he knows what they represented when he was making them.” Sauron feels “taunted” and “pissed off” that Galadriel rejected him. That makes getting her ring back personal, but Vickers insists that “he’s past ruling with her.” That won’t stop him from showing her “what could have been, what you could have had,” Vickers teases.

Of course Charlie can't give much away. But so far, it matches with what we saw in season 2 : he's in Eregion, forging his rings of power with Celebrimbor, he's visibly happy (just kidding, the man looks exhausted and depressed), but sometimes he can't help but think of Galadriel.

I love how the experience is completely different for him, from it is for Galadriel: while she had a bittersweet flashback of her and Halbrand in the Southlands, he gets lost in the contemplation of Mirdania's hair because she reminds her of Galadriel, and manifests images in his mind palace that also remind him of her (there are several posts about all this on Tumblr, including one of mine... I won't enter into the details again).

It would be very OOC of Sauron to display an outright nostalgia for the time he spent with Galadriel as Halbrand, imho, even if it was only for the audience to see. He's not supposed to be sad and nostalgic, but pissed at her for rejecting him, and determined to move on and to obtain what he wants without her in the picture. He's probably annoyed af to see his thoughts shifting towards Galadriel while he's in the middle of something very important. He's in his "the fuck with her" phase of the breakup, which pretty much matches what Charlie said. In his hubris, he believes that once he has his rings, he will be so powerful that Galadriel will have no other choice than joining him. She hurt his pride, so now he wants to relish the sight of her submission to him.

Regarding the mind palace scene, precisely the one where the guy tells the Galadriel look alike he wrote a poem : it probably remained unnoticed by most viewers, but I think it's very significant that this scene arrived at THIS moment. Let me explain:

To convince Celebrimbor, Sauron first assures him that when the story of this age is written, the Silmarils will be "no more than a whisper". Of course it's meant to motivate Celebrimbor who always wanted to create something that would be remembered, like the Silmarils. But it can be interpreted as a personal goal for Sauron as well :

1) Morgoth found the Silmarils so beautiful that for weeks, "he could do nothing but stare into their depth".

2) Fëanor admired Galadriel's hair so much it gave him the idea of imprisoning and blending the light of the Trees, and three times requested a tress of hers (she always said 'no').

The two people he loved/admired but hurt him the most are connected to the Silmarils in a way, so he could see the creation of something "more precious" as a personal challenge. After he promises Celebrimbor that his rings of power will be "deemed the most precious creations in all Middle-Earth", and Celebrimbor returns to his workshop, his attention is caught by the sight of a couple. The man (whose face remains unseen, because he's a just a self-insert) tells the Galadriel look alike :

"I've written a poem, but I fear your beauty still overshadows anything I could possibly write."

Of course we joked about Sauron's pathetic attempt at poetry (it's terrible lol), but imho there was a deeper meaning to this scene. I think it was his subconscious manifesting what he already knows deep inside of him : that without Galadriel's light, there will ALWAYS be something missing. That what he told Celebrimbor was a lie, no matter how much Sauron wants it to be the truth. The Rings of power are his poem, but Galadriel's beauty/light will always overshadow it.

Hence why it's pretty much granted that he will try to "get Galadriel back". He'll show her how powerful he is now that he has the Nine rings, and his proposal will probably not be as charming as it was the first time. I think we should prepare ourselves to a lot of gaslighting and threatening from his part (he's still pissed off, guys). He'll surely tell her that Eregion is burning because she refused him, that kind of thing. He will definitely use her memories of Halbrand (it's pretty much confirmed by the presence of Halbrand's theme within The Temptation music, and maybe Galadriel's vision of Halbrand enters that scheme too), but will it be to show her what they could have had if she had said yes the first time, or what they could still be? It remains to be seen.

We probably shouldn't forget that in his mind, it happens like this: "she joins me, or I'm making pay for it".... It should be pretty intense.

Then we've got what Charlotte Brändström revealed about Sauron (bless her heart) :

"I think Sauron even really loves Galadriel and you will see that at the very end”

There are already several threads discussing how Sauron will show his love for Galadriel... Will he spare her? Save her in one way or another? Heal her because she's hurt? Prove her in some way that what he said he felt as Halbrand was real? Something entirely different? Anyway, it will be something that can't be confused with manipulation.

There, I said my piece. Why isn't it next Thursday yet?

[bildads-shoes]

I feel like Crowley has often played the role of 'philosophy teacher' in his dynamic with Aziraphale, and I think this is probably what ultimately led to most of the backlash against Aziraphale immediately post-Season 2, especially from casual viewers.

The Resurrectionists episode is super obvious about it, big Philosophy 101 energy, but it's of course a big running theme in the show, often addressing the classic philosophical/theological question 'if God/Heaven are all-loving and all-powerful, why do they make us suffer?'

In these situations Aziraphale is often needing to learn to break free of his black and white thinking. Of course, we, the viewers, agree that morality is not black and white, so we start trusting Crowley's ability in the teacher role.

And it happens again in the Final Fifteen: we cringe at the stark oversimplification of 'you're the bad guys', we agree that Heaven and Hell are 'toxic' with their rigid rules and roles. Having seen so many examples of this dynamic at this point, this can instinctively feel like a continuation of Crowley's 'morality is not black and white' lessons. Therefore it makes sense to me that the instinct can be to agree that Crowley 'understand[s] a whole lot better' than Aziraphale.

I could go on for days about why I feel Aziraphale's character is so much more nuanced than that, but I want to focus on Crowley here. When you start trusting someone in that 'teacher' role, it's easy to assume they have it all figured out. That's why the whole 'Crowley is an unreliable narrator when it comes to his Fall' confirmation always had me so intrigued.

It seems (to me at least) that Crowley probably made some very complex, grey choices as an angel (choices that were not as bad as Heaven feels, but not as good as Crowley likes to think, to paraphrase NG) and he is yet to accept the reality of those actions. To me, it feels like he's coped with that cognitive dissonance by entirely detaching from that identity at times, almost as though those were the actions and experiences of another person (the angel you knew is not me) whilst returning to the first person in moments of vulnerability (I only ever asked questions). Judging by the hints at Angel!Crowley throughout S2, I think (hope) we'll learn more about the Fall in S3, and thus see him finally need to internally resolve this

I think it'll be very interesting to finally see that dynamic flip, to see Crowley in the role of the student, trying to solidify his moral code and sense of self as we have seen Aziraphale do throughout the show.

I suppose I hope that in potentially having Crowley's own struggles with morality becoming more explicit on screen in Season 3, the broad attitude towards Aziraphale and Crowley will become a bit more balanced again. I think it'll be lovely to see them grow in their understanding and acceptance of themselves and each other, and finally reach a place of joy and freedom as individuals and together. We'll always have our own personal character interpretations, and I think that's wonderful and fascinating to hear about, but at the end of the day we're all rooting for their happy ending, and I can't wait to see them finally get it.

[37sommz]

❁ : sweet blue . . .

✼. masterlist — taglist — request. ✼. genre: angst & smut. ✼. wc: 5.1k.

it's the sixth round of the 2021 formula one season and mclaren's investment in michaela has been duly paying off. though the success, however, lies a burgeoning tension between mclaren's young drivers.

✼. warnings: 18+, mdni, general language warnings, lando is kind of a brat here idk, ZAK BROWN, explicit sexual content, pwp, unprotected sex, one (1) spank?, jenson has a potty mouth part two!!

✼. notes: major time skip from lookin' 4. i promise michaela and jenson have more family-friendly scenes later on, but it just fit with the vibe of the chapter i guess.

000.⠀⠀JUNE 07, 2021    ›    Baku, Azerbaijan.

Michaela leaned back in her chair, her eyes scanning the rows of reporters as the last echoes of their questions hung in the air. The hum of the air conditioning in the Convention Center was a stark contrast to the roaring engines she was accustomed to, but the anticipation of the 2021 Azerbaijan Grand Prix was palpable. She felt the weight of their gazes, their expectations, their hunger for drama. Her skin prickled with irritation as she formulated her next response, her mind racing through the repercussions of her words.

"Michaela," a journalist in the third row called out, "Since you joined McLaren this season, you've achieved two second-place finishes and points in all five races. You have also outperformed your teammate, Lando Norris, in all five races so far. Do you think McLaren should prioritize you over Lando given your recent performance?"

Michaela's eyes narrowed slightly, the corner of her mouth twitching. She took a sip of water, buying herself a moment to compose her thoughts. "Look," she began, her voice measured, "Lando is a fantastic driver, and I have nothing but respect for him. We're both here to do our best for the team. It is McLaren's job to make strategic decisions based on what they believe is best for the team's overall performance. It is my job to drive fast. They trust me to do my job, so I trust them to do theirs."

The journalist wasn't satisfied with her evasive response and tried again, "But do you believe you're the better driver?"

Michaela's jaw clenched. She could feel the tension in her shoulders, the heat rising in her cheeks. "We're both here to win," she said tightly, "And that's all that matters."

The room went quiet for a beat before the next question came, this time from a journalist who had a glint in his eye that suggested he was enjoying the tension. "But if you had to choose, who do you think is the stronger racer?"

Michaela took a deep breath, her eyes flashing with irritation. "I'm not here to play favorites or to make comparisons," she said firmly. "We're both fighting for the same thing, and we're both giving it our all. The team will make the call, and we'll support each other."

The room was silent for a moment before Valtteri Bottas, sitting beside her, leaned into the microphone. "Let's not forget that we are all professionals here," he said calmly, his gaze flicking to the journalist who had asked the question. "We are focused on the championship, not on personal battles."

Pierre Gasly, who was seated at the opposite end of the table, couldn't resist a smirk. "It's not every day you see teammates so openly competitive," he said sarcastically, his French accent lending a touch of amusement to his words. Michaela shot her long-time friend a blistering glance, woefully receiving a conspiratorial smile instead of a retraction.

The press conference concluded with a final round of questions directed at Valtteri and Pierre. As the reporters began to pack up their equipment, the tension in the room remained palpable. When the last journalist had left, Lando approached her, his expression a blend of confusion and accusation. 

"Couldn't you just give them a straight answer?" he said, his voice low but carrying the weight of his frustration.

Michaela pushed herself out of her chair, standing to her full height a handful of centimeters or so above the Bristol native. "I don't know. What do you want from me, Lando?" she snapped. "Should I just say I'm better than you to appease them?"

Lando's eyes widened, the accusation in her tone stinging. "That's not what I'm asking," he said, his voice rising. "But you can't just pretend that you don’t care about the fact that you've been outrunning me all season!"

Michaela stepped closer, her hands tense at her sides. "Maybe I just don't have your luxury of playing it anything but nice," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Maybe I've had to fight for every inch of track, every point, every podium. And now you want me to just hand it over because, what, you're feeling insecure?"

Lando's jaw tightened. "That's not what this is about," he insisted, his own frustration rising. "It's about being a team player, about not causing drama where there doesn't need to be."

Michaela's eyes searched his, looking for any sign of understanding. "You think I don't want that?" she hissed, her voice edged with a hint of desperation. "You think I don't want to just be treated like an equal?"

Before Lando could respond, a firm hand on her shoulder broke their intense stare. Zak's voice caught Michaela's full attention, his tone a mix of concern and reprimand. "Guys, let's take this outside," he said, his voice a calm counter to the heated tension in the room.

The two stepped into the bustling corridor, the noise of the paddock a stark contrast to the claustrophobic silence of the press room. "McLaren has no number one driver," he reminded them firmly. "We're in this together. Every point we score, we score as a team."

Michaela's eyes narrowed, looking for a crack in his resolve, but all she found was a reflection of her own determination. "But you know it's not that simple," she argued. "The media wants a story, and if I don't give it to them, they'll make one up."

Zak's jaw tightened. "You're both adults, and you're both incredibly talented drivers. I know you're both hungry for success, but this isn't the way. We're racing as a team, and we'll win as a team." His words were firm, but the understanding in his eyes was unmistakable. "End of discussion."

Michaela nodded curtly, her shoulders still tense. As Lando stormed off, she couldn't help but feel a wave of regret for her harsh words. The weekend ahead was going to be fraught with tension, she knew that much. But she also knew that she couldn't let it affect her driving. This was her chance to prove herself, to show that she was more than just a team player.

000.⠀⠀JUNE 08, 2021    ›    Baku, Azerbaijan.

The qualifying session was a battle of nerves. Each time she took to the track, she pushed herself to the absolute limit, the car responding to her every demand. As the clock ticked down, she requested her engineer to report Lando's times, a hint of satisfaction filling her as he replied that he fell just short of hers. When the results flashed on the board, showing her starting fourth behind Charles, Lewis, and Max, she allowed herself a small, selfish smile.

On race day, the tension between her and Lando was tangible. They didn't speak in the garage, their focus was solely on the job at hand. The lights went out, and she didn't hold back, fighting for position, her heart pounding in her chest. The race was a blur of strategy, speed, and sheer willpower. Upon the restart following Max's crash due to tire failure, Michaela lay in second place sandwiched behind Checo and in front of Lewis. With just two laps to the checkered flag, she could hear the voice of her engineer encouraging her to "Give 'em hell."

Her eyes narrowed, and she took a deep breath, channeling her frustration into precision. As they approached the tight turns of the Baku City Circuit, she saw an opportunity. She took a risk, diving to the inside of Checo at Turn 1, her tires screeching. She felt the G-forces press her into the seat as she overtook him, the crowd's roar deafening.

The final lap was a dance of power and skill, with Checo breathing down her neck, his Red Bull's shadow looming large in her rearview mirror. But she was ready for this, her hands steady on the wheel, her mind a crystal-clear focus. She knew every inch of this track, every bump, every curve, every opportunity for error. And she wasn't going to make one.

As she rounded the final corner, the checkered flag in sight, she could feel the anticipation in the air. The crowd was on their feet, the roar of the engines echoing off the walls of the grandstands. She pushed the pedal to the floor, her car responding like an extension of her own body. And then she was across the line, the first McLaren to win a Grand Prix since Jenson in Brazil in 2012. The world around her went silent for a heartbeat before it exploded into the ringing of cheers and celebration.

Michaela couldn't believe it. She had done it. She had proven herself. The podium was a blur of cameras and spraying champagne, the weight of the trophy in her hands a sweet validation. Her eyes searched the sea of faces for Lando, who offered her a grudging nod, the tension between them thick enough to cut with a knife. But she couldn't let it ruin this moment. This was her victory, and she had earned it.

The afterparty was a whirlwind of congratulations and well-wishers. The air was electric with excitement, the sound of laughter and clinking glasses a symphony to her ears. Pierre and Charles approached her, grinning ear to ear already intoxicated, their arms slung around each other's shoulders.

"Michaela, you absolute legend," Pierre said, raising a shot of tequila in her direction.

Michaela couldn't help but smile, the burn of the alcohol warming her insides as she took the glass from the Alpha Tauri driver. The tension from earlier had been replaced with a heady mix of triumph and exhaustion. She had done it. Her first win and it was all hers and hers alone.

"You guys were great out there too, 4th and 5th," she said, raising her own drink in a toast. "Cheers to a hell of a race."

"Cheers," they echoed, their glasses clinking together.

The party buzzed with energy, the room a swirl of color and sound. As the night progressed, the drinks flowed freely, and the conversation grew more playful. Pierre leaned closer to her, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "So, what do you think now?" he whispered, his voice barely audible over the music. "Are you ready to admit that you're the one to watch?"

Michaela felt a familiar heat rise in her cheeks. "I'm just happy for the team," she said, trying to keep her tone light. The two friends groaned in response to her diplomatic answer. Charles booed loudly as Pierre released an equally loud, "C'est des foutaises", calling bullshit on Michaela's dodge.

"Come on, Mickey," Charles prodded, his voice still teasing. "You know you're the one everyone's talking about. You outdrove everyone today, especially Lando."

Michaela's eyes narrowed slightly, the alcohol loosening her tongue more than she would have liked. "I don't need to say it out loud for it to be true," she said, a hint of challenge in her voice.

Pierre's smirk grew wider. "But it's so much more fun when you do," he said, nudging her playfully.

Michaela couldn't help but laugh despite herself. The atmosphere was infectious, and she felt a rare moment of camaraderie with her friends. "Alright, I'll give you that," she conceded with a grin. "But let's not forget, you both had a hand in keeping him on his toes today."

Their laughter was interrupted by a familiar British accent. "If it isn't the woman of the hour," Jenson said, sliding into the conversation with a charming smile. The former world champion had been commentating on the race, and his presence was a stark reminder of the history she had made today.

Michaela felt a jolt of excitement at the sight of him, the secret they had been keeping hidden for months now threatening to spill out into the open. "Jenson," she said, her voice low as Pierre and Charles turned to accept more drinks for the four of them. "What are you doing here?"

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against her ear. "Couldn't miss the chance to congratulate my favorite driver, now could I?" His words sent a shiver down her spine, a reminder of the passion they had shared in the quiet moments stolen from the spotlight. It had been nearly six full months of Michaela relenting to “just one more date”. It had been nearly six full months of their secret threatening to be revealed anytime they came into proximity to each other, familiar hands involuntarily reaching for each other anytime Jenson held a Sky Sports microphone in his hands.

Michaela's heart raced as she searched the room for any signs of media or prying eyes. "We need to be careful," she whispered, the music thumping around them providing a veil of privacy.

Jenson winked. "Don't worry, love. I know how to keep a secret," he said, taking a sip of the drink drunkenly handed to him by Pierre. His blue eyes danced with excitement, mirroring the disco lights bouncing off the walls.

Michaela nodded, her thoughts racing. They had been so careful for so long, avoiding any hint of a relationship in public, but tonight she felt invincible. The victory had been hers, and she wanted to share it with him.

Jenson's hand found her shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring. "You were incredible today," he said, his voice a gentle rumble.

Michaela's cheeks flushed under his gaze. "Thanks," she murmured, looking down at their knees just barely touching in the darkness of the packed club.

"No, really," Jenson's voice grew more serious, his thumb stroking her shoulder. "You're on fire this season. It's a joy to watch."

Michaela met his gaze, her eyes searching his. The warmth in his eyes was genuine, and she felt a swell of affection for the man who had become both her mentor and lover. "Thank you," she said, her voice a little louder this time. "But let's not forget the team effort."

Pierre and Charles, really ‘Drunk and Drunker’ at this point in the night, leaned back into the conversation reminding the secret lovers of the weight of their secret. 

"She keeps going on and on about the team effort. I told her she kicked Lando's ass and she won't give it up." Pierre almost whined in disappointment, groaning in pain when Michaela pinched him in retaliation.

Michaela rolled her eyes, her cheeks still flushed from the race and the alcohol. "I'm just trying to keep things professional," she said, taking another shot of tequila, hissing at the burn.

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" Pierre said with a laugh, slapping her on the back a little too hard. Jenson's hand shot out to rub at her lower back as Michaela grumbled out of discomfort. Their eyes locked once Jenson caught himself and retreated. 

If ‘Drunk and Drunker’ noticed, they gave no indication so.

The night grew later, and the party showed no signs of winding down. The three friends had formed a tight circle, the music a pulsing backdrop to their laughter and stories. The whiskey was smooth, the air was thick with the scent of victory and sweat, and the thrill of the day's race still hummed in her veins. Slowly, Michaela found herself on her own as the two Francophones found willing participants to conduct their own private celebrations.

Her thoughts drifted back to Jenson. The secret meetings in hotel rooms, the stolen kisses in quiet corners, the whispered promises of what could be if they ever went public. She took a deep breath and made her decision.

Michaela slipped away from the party, not before grabbing a bottle of champagne to go from the VIP section. The solitude of the night's air outside was a welcome relief from the harried noise of the club. She sent a text to Jenson, her heart racing with anticipation.

"Meet me at my hotel room," she typed, hitting send before she could second guess herself.

The response came almost immediately. "On my way," it read, the words sending a delicious shiver down her spine.

Michaela hurried to the hotel, her heart pounding in her chest with a mix of excitement and nerves. This was not the first time she and Jenson had snuck away together after a race, but it was the first time she had initiated it. She took the elevator up to her floor, the champagne bottle clutched tightly in her hand.

When she opened the door to her suite, she found Jenson already there, his dress shirt a quarter unbuttoned and a look of anticipation in his eyes. He took the champagne from her, popped the cork, and filled two flutes with a practiced ease. "To your first win," he toasted, his eyes never leaving hers.

Michaela took a sip, the bubbles tickling her nose as she watched him over the rim of the glass. "And to many more," she murmured, setting the flute aside.

Jenson stepped closer, his hand cupping her cheek. "You were magnificent today," he said, his voice thick with desire. "You deserve all of this and more."

Michaela's eyes were all round as she stared up at him, the weight of their secret suddenly feeling heavier. "What we do together," she began, her voice low and urgent, "It can't affect the team or your work with Williams and Sky."

Jenson leaned in closer, his breath warm against her cheek. "I know, love," he whispered. "But tonight, let's just celebrate you."

Michaela's heart hammered in her chest as she reached up to kiss him, the tension between them snapping like a rubber band. Their kiss was desperate, hungry, fueled by the adrenaline of the win and the excitement of their hidden romance. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, as their bodies melded together.

The hotel suite was a sanctuary of passion, the curtains drawn tight to keep the outside world at bay. The champagne sat forgotten on the minibar, their celebration taking a different turn. As Jenson turned to take a seat on the edge of the bed, Michaela felt her arousal pulsate through her, driving her to the brink of insanity.

He reached out for her, and she stepped into his embrace, her hands sliding around his neck. Their kisses grew more urgent, their breaths mingling as they tasted the victory of the day. His hands roamed over her body, slipping under her dress to caress the bare skin of her thighs, while hers explored the firm planes of his chest.

"You wanna know something?" She teased, her accent adding a sultry drawl to the innocent words. Her fingers played with the blonde curls at the nape of his neck. Jenson's strong hands drew her toned thighs onto the bed, resting them on either side of his spread legs as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I want to know everything about you," He whispered back, his focus unwavering as he trailed his tongue up the valley of her breasts pulling down the neckline of her dress to grant himself selfish access. His hands squeezed at the fat of her ass, settling the full weight of her body against his erect cock.

Michaela moaned softly, her body arching into his touch. "Between Lando and I, I know I'm the better driver," she confessed, her voice a breathless purr.

Jenson paused, his eyes meeting hers with a spark of mischief. "Do you, now?" He squeezed her breasts in both of his hands, his teeth grazing her sensitive skin.

Michaela's breath hitched. "Don't tease me," she murmured, her hips rocking against him. "You know I am." The end of her sentence was punctuated by a breathless moan at the sensation of their clothed extremities rubbing against each other for desperately needed friction.

Jenson chuckled darkly, his hands moving to unzip her dress. "You can't say that out loud," he whispered, his breath hot against her neck. "It's unsportsmanlike conduct. They’ll fine you."

Michaela giggled, pushing his shirt off his shoulders. "Fuck sportsmanship," she said, her voice growing more heated. "I want to win."

Jenson's eyes darkened with lust, his hands moving to unhook her bra. "And you will," he murmured, tossing the garment aside. He kissed her neck, his teeth grazing her skin. "Again and again."

Michaela's dress pooled at her waist, revealing her black lace lingerie. She reached down to undo his pants, her hands shaking slightly with anticipation. As she freed him from his boxers, she took a moment to appreciate the size and girth of him.

"You're mine," she murmured, her eyes never leaving his as she sank to her knees and took him in her hand, stroking his base slowly.

Jenson groaned, his eyes falling shut for a moment before snapping open to meet hers. "Always," he growled.

Michaela took him in her mouth, her eyes never leaving his. The taste of him was familiar and intoxicating, a heady mix of sweat and desire. His hands found her hair, guiding the strands into a ponytail held tight in his hand. Her head bobbed with a rhythm set by the older man as his hips bucked up to meet her. She took him deep, her tongue swirling around the head of his cock, teasing the slit before taking him all the way back in again.

Jenson's moans grew louder, his grip on her hair tightening as she worked her magic. His eyes squeezed shut, the pleasure too intense to bear, before finally opening again to look at her. The sight of her, dressed in nothing but her underwear, on her knees before him, was almost too much. "Bed," he managed to say through gritted teeth, pulling her up by the wrists.

Michaela's heart raced as she stood, allowing Jenson to push her onto the bed, face first into the cotton sheets. The coolness of the sheets was a stark contrast to the heat of their bodies as they fell onto the mattress. He slid her panties down, revealing her bare skin to the coolness of the room. His tongue traced the curves of her spine, sending shivers down her legs. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear as his hand found the wetness between her legs, his thumb playing her with a hungry precision.

Michaela squirmed beneath him, her moans growing louder. Jenson was a master at this, his experience evident in every touch, every caress. She could feel the tension building, the need for release coiling tighter and tighter inside her. His fingers slid into her, and she bit down on the pillow to muffle her cries. The bed squeaked in protest as he picked up the pace, her body moving with the rhythm of his hand.

As she neared climax, she could feel his cock pressing against her back, hot and demanding. She wanted him inside her, wanted to feel him claim her victory as his own. She turned to her face to look back at him, her eyes glazed with desire. "Take me," she whispered, her voice raw with need.

Jenson's eyes darkened further, his control slipping. He pulled his hand away, his cock taking its place. "Need to give my race winner a proper celebration, hmm?" He hummed as he took his time, rubbing against her folds to her surprise. As Michaela released a throaty moan from the unfamiliar sensation, Jenson slid into her, filling her completely. 

The initial shock gave way to a deep need and she pushed back into him, urging him deeper. The sound of their bodies colliding filled the room, a symphony of passion and desire. Caught off guard once again by a smack echoing through the quiet hotel room and a ting of pain quickly replaced by pleasure, Michaela nearly cried out her lover's name.

Jenson's hand came down firmly on her ass again, undeniably leaving a red imprint. "Keep it down, love," he whispered in her ear, his teeth grazing her earlobe. "Don't want to wake the other guests."

Michaela bit her lip, nodding in understanding as she pushed back into him, the pain from the smack morphing into a pleasurable throb that had her walls spasming around him. She could feel the head of his muscle pressing against the sweetest spot in hers, the anticipation of what was to come making her wetter.

The stretch was exquisite, a tight ring of pressure that she had never felt before. She moaned into the pillow, her body shaking with the effort to remain silent.

He began to move in earnest, sliding in and out of her in a punishing rhythm that made her toes curl, the sensation overwhelming. It was more than she had ever felt, the pleasure so intense it was almost painful. Her breathing grew ragged, her hips rising to meet him as she chased the high of her impending climax.

Jenson leaned over her, his chest heaving with exertion as he whispered dirty nothings in her ear. His voice crafted an addictive melody in her head, pushing her closer to the edge. The room was a haze of pleasure, the smell of sex and sweat intoxicating as it filled her nose. She could feel him getting closer, his strokes becoming more erratic, his breathing more ragged.

Michaela's eyes fluttered closed, the sensation of his hands on her hips and her heart beating out of her chest overwhelming. "Fuck," she whispered, the word slipping out despite her best efforts to be quiet. "I'm going to come."

Jenson groaned in response, his own release imminent. He leaned down to kiss her neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. "Come for me," he murmured, his voice a low growl. "Wanna make my little champion feel good."

Michaela's body tensed as she did just that, her orgasm crashing over her in waves. She bit down on the pillow to stifle her scream, her walls clenching around him. Jenson's hands pressed deeper into her skin, drawing a series of cries from the Australian. Her mind blanked completely as she began to gush around him. "Holy shit!" She cried out, her eyes rolling back as the shock of pleasure overtook any semblance of control over her own body.

Jenson watched the passion play across her features, his own climax building rapidly. The sight of her pleasure was too much for him to hold back, and with a roar, he came deep inside her. The feeling of her muscles contracting around him was almost too much, and he had to brace himself against the headboard to keep from collapsing on top of her.

Michaela's body went limp, the tension draining out of her as she lay there, panting and sated. He collapsed beside her, both of them sweaty and spent. They lay there for a moment, their hearts pounding in sync.

Michaela rolled over to face him, a satisfied smile playing on her lips. "I think we should do this more often," she murmured, her eyes half-lidded with pleasure. "I don't think I've ever come that hard before."

Jenson chuckled, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Glad I could help you tick that off your list," he said, his voice still gruff with desire. He reached over to stroke her cheek, his clean thumb tracing the path of a tear that had escaped during their intense lovemaking.

As awareness of the damp sheets beneath her spent body set in, Michaela's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What's wrong?" Jenson asked, noticing the change in her expression. When Michaela released a short, "The sheets are damp,” Jenson couldn't help the belly laugh that erupted from the back of his throat.

Michaela smacked his arm playfully. "It's not funny," she said, though the corners of her mouth twitched upwards.

"It's a little funny," Jenson chuckled, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "But I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with the sheer joy of watching you come like that." He leaned in for a kiss, which she returned eagerly despite her embarrassment.

Michaela couldn't argue with that. The way he had taken her to the brink and pushed her over had been nothing short of amazing. She snuggled closer, feeling the stickiness between her thighs and the aftershocks of pleasure still rippling through her body.

They lay there for a few moments, basking in the afterglow of their passionate encounter, the only sound their labored breathing and the distant murmur of the city outside. It was a moment of rare peace in the whirlwind of the season, a secret shared between them that felt both thrilling and terrifying.

Jenson broke the silence, his voice low and caring. "Let's get you cleaned up before you drift away on me, love."

Michaela nodded, reluctantly untangling herself from his embrace. They both stumbled into the en suite bathroom, the tiles cool against their heated skin. Jenson turned on the faucet of the bathtub, the sound of water filling the tub with a gentle hum in the quiet space. He stepped in, holding out a hand to help her in.

The water was perfect, not too hot, not too cold. It washed away the sweat and the grime of their passion, along with the tension of keeping their relationship a secret. They sat in the tub, their legs entwined, sipping from the champagne flutes they had brought in with them. The bubbles of the bath fizzled and popped around them, echoing the bubbles of their conversation.

"You know, I've been thinking," Jenson began, his voice a gentle rumble in the quiet space. "Maybe we should tell someone. Just one person. Someone we trust."

Michaela's heart skipped a beat. The thought of their secret getting out was both terrifying and thrilling. "Like who?" Her voice barely above a whisper, her gaze locked onto his.

Jenson took a deep breath, considering his words. "Maybe Daniel," he said, referring to the shared friend between the two of them. "He's a good guy. He won't say anything."

Michaela leaned her head against his shoulder, thinking it over. In the months since Daniel had been reintroduced to her in a new light—her sister’s new boyfriend—Michaela had taken to confiding in the Perth native, committing himself to his new role as a source of comfort for his girlfriend’s baby sister.

"What if it changes things?" she asked, her voice small and unsure. "What if people start questioning my focus on the track?"

Jenson kissed her forehead, his hand tracing circles on her thigh. "We're adults, Mouse," he said, using the nickname only he could get away with. "We can handle it. And besides, you just proved today that you can win with or without any distractions."

Michaela thought about it, her eyes glazed over as she took another sip of champagne. "Alright," she conceded. "But only Daniel. And only just before the summer break. We can't risk anything before then."

Jenson nodded, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "We'll tell him, and then we can breathe a little easier," he promised.

Michaela took a deep breath and nodded in agreement, the warm water of the tub soothing her nerves. "Okay," she said finally, a hint of excitement lacing her voice. "Just Daniel."

✼. taglist:⠀

@cha-hot @certifiedlesbianbaddie @nichmeddar

@d3kstar @thewannabewriter @hwalllllllelujah

@thearchieves @doodlehunz @evie-119

@bxdbxtxh @seaweed-orchid @glitterquadricorn

@99snse @ginghampearlsnsweettea @alliwantisadonut

@hiireadstuff @emilyval1 @anotherblackreader

@sv5beehives @mynameisangeloflife @tellybearyyyy

@melancholyy-hill @vallusvsu @futuristiccroissantlampsludge

@treehouse-mouse @sunfairyy

[sevensoulmates]

Buddie 7x01 Meta

Okay! Finally, I was able to watch the full episode uninterrupted and have had a couple days to gather my thoughts. Quite simply this episode was fucking fantastic. My meta does sometimes include some spec, so if that's not your thing feel free to ignore those parts. Those of you who follow me know I write long ass essays, so fair warning for a long meta under the cut. ((Also idk how to make gifs, so enjoy my shitty screenshots)).

First, I love to see Buck and Eddie back at it again in their natural element being partners on a scene.

This was very obviously a call back to season 2, even down to the positioning, having Buck watch Eddie be competent in defusing a bomb. Buck has complete faith in Eddie's abilities, it's the fighter pilot whom he distrusts. In the end, they narrowly avoid getting blown up, just like they did in 2x01. This one scene re-establishes the Buck/Eddie work dynamic and shows how they inherently trust each other on and off the field.

Next, we get a scene of Buck and Eddie getting dressed in the locker room. Notably, Buck is fully dressed and Eddie is without his shirt until halfway through the scene. Buck also keeps his eyes on Eddie's naked torso pretty much through the whole shirtless section. This is another blatant callback to season 2x01 when Buck's first introduction to Eddie is when he's shirtless. This draws attention specifically to Eddie's physical attractiveness and how that affects Buck. This scene is odd to have with Eddie half-naked if we're then gonna make comments later on about "sexual tension" with friends, no?

In the same scene we are reintroduced to Buck and Eddie's separate love lives. Eddie is just now learning that Buck and Natalia broke up, and gives an odd facial expression that looks far too much like vindication. We know from the graveyard scene in 6x17 that Eddie wasn't really a fan of Buck's relationship with Natalia (I don't think there's ever been a relationship Buck's had where Eddie has legitimately been happy about it, which is weird if they're just friends, right?) so to him, this was always coming down the road. He seems proud that Buck was able to end it this easily.

Meanwhile, Eddie's going on a "not-date" with Marisol to chaperone Christopher's date with Penny. It's telling to me that Eddie doesn't classify this as a date with Marisol, but Buck does. Buck considers being at home watching Christopher as a date, and yet he seemingly doesn't classify all the times he's been over at Eddie's hanging out with just him and Chris to be a date? To me, this shows the first big disconnect in Buck/Eddie's brains that the show will likely dismantle this season: what is classified as platonic and what is classified as romantic, and which gender is allowed to be in each category. We'll come back to this when we get to the next scene.

Eddie is very supportive of Buck breaking up with Natalia. He doesn't say it directly to his face, but it's implied that Buck really lost himself when he was with Natalia, hence Eddie's "Welcome back to the land of the living". While Buck did struggle with figuring out his life purpose at the end of season 6, he falsely prescribed that purpose to Natalia. Thankfully, this was rectified here. This also shows significant growth for Buck from his last relationship with Taylor Kelly. Buck was able to identify issues in his relationship quicker and was able to cut the relationship short when he realized it was no longer healthy to maintain for him. I am extremely proud of Buck in this moment, as is Eddie, which is the first of two big moments in this episode where Buck and Eddie really showcase their pride in the other's personal growth. "You were missed" is such a simple yet perfect line for Eddie to give to Buck. To show Buck that Eddie has always seen him, and will always see him, even through personal lows, and will still remain by his side when they come out the other side. I really love this showcase of unconditional love here.

The next time we see Buck and Eddie, the chaperone date has already passed. Eddie and Marisol are seen watching Chris and Penny from behind the wall, but it's highkey awkward to watch and the focus of this scene is really not Eddie/Marisol but rather Chris and Penny and Eddie relaying this info to Buck. I first want to point out that we don't actually get to see Eddie/Marisol's first date, we don't see any subsequential dates, and the first time we DO see her, in an episode meant to be establishing couples, she's so blink-and-you'll-miss-it that I had to try 3 times to get this screenshot because it went by so fast. It's never a good sign when we don't actually get to see the beginnings of a non-established relationship.

Additionally, Eddie/Marisol's relationship is framed WITHIN Eddie recounting the night to BUCK. The important Eddie relationship we're supposed to be paying attention to in this scene is not Eddie/Marisol but Eddie and Buck's. It's not important for us to see Eddie and Marisol hanging out, but it IS important for us to see Eddie TELLING Buck about the night. That isn't insignificant. This means the show is clearly placing far more importance on Eddie/Buck than on Marisol, and for a pointed reason to be revealed hopefully later this season.

This is the only line that Marisol has in the entire episode. This being the one line she has is interesting because it's a callback to Eddie's arc last season ie. "Eddie has no game with women". Christopher makes a pointed comment about it in 6x18. And of course, it's a callback to Performance Anxiety 6x14 where Eddie was being pressured about dating women and 6x17 Love Is In The Air where he once again pressures himself into dating women until he finally settles on Marisol. It's an interesting call back to have, considering this scene could have been considered Eddie successfully dating a woman. And of course this ties into later in this episode where we get the "turning women off" comment, which I'll talk more about later.

Eddie goes on to tell Buck that he didn't really see any difference between Christopher hanging out with his male friends vs hanging out with his female friends. This is drawing attention to two things. The first is a call-back to Buck and Eddie's previous scene where we saw that Buck and Eddie have two different ideas of what constitutes "a date" when it's with a man versus a woman. Buck thinks that an at-home date with Marisol to watch Chris counts as a date, Eddie doesn't. Yet Buck doesn't consider his own at-home "hang-outs" with Eddie and Chris to be a date despite them being far more frequent and more meaningful than what we just saw with Marisol. Eddie also doesn't see it that way. This line is an indicator that both Buck and Eddie have blinders on currently when it comes to their interactions with each other, interactions which very much COULD be considered a date (including the later mentioned "underlying sexual tension") if they had done the same thing with a woman. They're just unable to recognize the truth of it at the moment, and this is clearly demonstrated when Eddie can't tell the difference between Chris having his date with his male friends vs. female. My prediction is that this will become more defined for Eddie by the end of the season or leading into next season.

But it's very interesting that this idea of not being able to recognize the possibility of romance except for the heteronormative options is coming into play now because there's really only one gay way to subvert that.

Which is then doubled down by Buck in the very next scene.

This is blatantly not a true statement. Buck is not only assuming Chris's sexuality, but he's assuming the same would be the case in general, which is not true. Buck knows many queer people, but at the same time, every queer person he knows canonically falls more into the gay-lesbian binary, and not really anywhere in the middle (ie. bi/pan people). It's an oddly heteronormative statement coming from Buck, who is known to be very open-minded and also researches a shit ton? So why are we being shown that Buck has this sort of narrow-mindedness specifically when it comes to the possibility of people being bisexual?

(Spec) Firstly, I think this is to set up for a bisexual Buck arc. It's showing that Buck actually 1.) hasn't ever been with a man before so this is not just a casual bi reveal and 2.) that he's never actually considered it a possibility to have sexual tension with a man before. This is what we in writing call "the character's fundamental misbelief" and it is brought in specifically to be challenged, and I'm near-positive it will be at some point in the season.

Secondly, On the surface, this statement is telling the audience that obviously Christopher would only have tension with his female friends, right? (sarcasm). But what's interesting is that this statement is purposefully gender-neutral. It leaves the real meaning up to the audience to decide. Why? Because this part of the conversation is not really about Christopher. On the surface, yes, but beneath that, this line and the line before it are about Eddie and Buck's relationship with each other. Buck's not out here talking about Christopher having sexual tension with people, and even Eddie recognizes that it's weird to talk about in relation to their child. He's still in the nest for christ's sake! These lines are in relation to Buck and Eddie's friendship and how both of them are blind to the fact that it very much IS possible to have sexual tension with your female AND male friends.

And this is where the gender-neutrality of that phrase gets extra interesting. Because as we've seen before, Buck and (more prominently) Eddie often lack chemistry with their female love interests. It's up for debate, but the general consensus was that most people did not feel any chemistry between Buck/Natalia, and Eddie/Ana or Eddie/Marisol. What's fascinating is that Buck has had chemistry with some of his female love interests, but Eddie hasn't had any since Shannon (and this is not an endorsement of Eddie/Shannon's romantic relationship. I'm not getting into the extreme nuances of that right now.) Some argue Eddie's had chemistry with Felisa or Vanessa, but they aren't the ones Eddie's dating right now, are they? So Eddie, unlike Buck with his female LI's, hasn't really had any sexual tension with Ana or Marisol. The only person that (most) people agree Eddie has had sexual tension with is Buck. And we had a scene with them earlier with Buck watching a half-naked Eddie change too. So in this case, the line might also be a reference to Eddie having chemistry with men, but not really with any of his female LI's. I think the purposeful vagueness here though was a very telling choice on Tim's part.

Additionally, the use of the word "underlying". Underlying implies that the sexual tension isn't overt, but rather is something that lingers unspoken. Under the surface. Subtextual, if you will. Of course, it's possible to have subtextual sexual tension between an M/F pairing. But placing it in the context of this scene, where Buck is being weirdly heteronormative, it feels contradictory. If Buck believes that he (and Chris by proxy) can only have sexual tension with a female friend, why is it something that is hidden under the surface? If anything, due to heteronormativity, the sexual tension between a boy and girl should be plain as day for anyone to see, on the surface, very much textual and with no room for interpretation (ie. "He was a boy, she was a girl, could I make it any more obvious?"). But let's flip this around. With queer pairings and couplings, there's a huge history of their sexual tension and romance only being able to live and breathe in the subtext. This line being spoken between two men that many people for years have pointed out are heavily queer-coded and have a romantically-coded "bro" relationship with each other that so far has only been able to exist in subtext? Tim, you're not sly. I see right through you.

After that, Eddie tells Buck about Christopher seeing 5 girls at the same time. Everyone's shocked and Eddie insinuates that Christopher didn't get this from him. By pointing out that Buck is a reformed playboy (I personally disagree with aspects of this statement but that's neither here nor there), Eddie is implying that Christopher may potentially be getting this trait from Buck. Which is an interesting thing to say to someone if they're not already heavily involved in the process of raising your child. Eddie claims that he's a "nester", which in my mind means someone who is very paternal/maternal, or constantly trying to build the home or the family. ((Sidebar: I googled nesting and apparently it's ALSO a term used in both polyamorous spaces and was later separately coined as a term referring to "where men treat women like they’re in a relationship, but they expect those women to know that it will never lead to real one." I don't interpret this line to mean either of those other definitions, I just think it's interesting that this is what popped up when I googled Nesting)).

Eddie then says he "married the first girl he dated" and Buck instantly volleys back with "think you mean slept with", which is EXTREMELY telling of a few things. First, I want to point out, that I don't believe this is Buck denouncing or disrespecting Shannon's important role in Eddie or Chris's life, but rather recontextualizing it.

We got clarification last season that Eddie fell into his relationship with Shannon almost in the same way that he fell into one with Ana and Marisol. It was heavily implied that Shannon was the pursuer, the one who made their relationship happen. Not Eddie. While Eddie was a little less passive with Ana and Marisol, being the one to ask both of them out, he still exhibits extreme passivity in the furthering of each of these relationships, preferring to "stick it out" rather than actually end it when it's not working. This is the exact same thing he did with Shannon. It's interesting that Buck argues that Eddie married the first girl he slept with rather than the first girl he dated.

Dating someone implies you really genuinely want to form a deep romantic relationship with someone (ie. call back to Buck's line to Maddie "at least when I date someone, I date them"), whereas sleeping with someone does not have to immediately mean wanting to be with them romantically. To me, this implies that while Eddie might've deeply loved Shannon as a friend and eventual mother of his child later and had sexual chemistry with her, the reason why he stayed with her is not because he wanted to continue dating her or being with her because he was IN LOVE with HER but rather because they slept together. And what came about from sleeping with her? A fucking traumatic teen pregnancy.

Both Buck AND Eddie recognize that in this scene (which is huge, especially for Eddie). I'm kinda blown away honestly. It's extremely important for the audience to see that while Eddie did, does and will always love Shannon, it is NOT romantic love, and may have not ever been. Which is FINE. They were literal teenagers for god's sake.

This is once again a recurring theme in Buck and Eddie's story in this episode. Defining what is considered romantic and what is considered platonic AND the possibility of redefining those distinctions years later. And it's interesting that in this case with Shannon, a woman, it's finally being acknowledged that it might not have been as romantic as Eddie may have believed for all these years.

Eddie then asks Buck to be the one to talk to Christopher about his relationship indiscretions. We see Eddie making the active choice to bring Buck deeper into the co-parenting role that's already been established in seasons 2-6. Right after Eddie talks about being a nester, a home-builder, he brings Buck deeper into his family in a parental role. To me, this scene doesn't imply that Eddie can't do it, or that it's out of his wheelhouse, but rather because he feels like Christopher might relate to Buck more about this. But even more so, it shows that Eddie inherently trusts Buck to be the one to talk to Christopher about this, because he's seen how Buck has grown over the years.

Eddie doesn't want Christopher to continue making bad choices in life and he tries to convey this to Buck, but Buck, with his own self-esteem issues, assumes that Eddie doesn't want Christopher to end up like Buck. Which is fascinating because Buck's made it a huge point throughout the series to show that he's grown past his sleeping-around phase (which was never about disrespecting or using women, it was always about Buck's own desire for love and connection that he felt he could only get through sex). And yet with this line, we see that Buck still doesn't realize how far he's come. He still feels like he isn't worth emulating or being someone to look up to. But Eddie does. Eddie sees and loves Buck to his core, and so he points it out to Buck that no, Buck actually didn't become that person, and that Buck is, in fact, worthy of being the one to parent Christopher in this situation. Once again, this is a great moment of showing how these two are able to see past their facades to the truth of each other's issues and provide strength, reassurance, and clarity to each other, as an ideal life partner would be able to do.

Then we get to see this amazing scene of Eddie talking down a panicking woman using his own unique "jello" methods. This coping mechanism tool he walks her through really does sound like something a therapist might teach their patient. Eddie not only is able to admit to having panic attacks but he's able to do it in front of strangers and his team alike with no shame (even a bit of pride at the end). This scene, which could've gotten very awkward very fast, ended up becoming a very sweet, serene moment where we also get to see that love reflected on Buck's face just how proud he is of how far Eddie has come. This episode made a point to show Buck and Eddie recognizing the other's growth and their pride in the other, as well as demonstrate how both are able to be there for the other emotionally in their times of need.

What's interesting is that this is all stuff that we've seen before. Buck and Eddie have been each other's emotional pillars for many years now. This is just a re-establishing episode. We know that this season their relationship is going to be shifting, growing, and showing a new side to it. So I'm intrigued to see how that will manifest given that we have already seen in one episode how Buck and Eddie are each other's closest person. Some might argue that this episode actually frames them to be closer and more emotionally supportive of each other than two of the other canonically romantic couples on the show.

Bathena are shown to be having marital problems in this episode, with Athena worrying she and Bobby might not actually have that much in common outside of the chaos. Madney is shown with pre-martial problems, with Chimney unnecessarily worrying he and Maddie's spark might fizzle out over the years and they might grow to resent each other. I'm not saying either of these relationship problems is really accurate, but it's just interesting to look at in comparison to how Buck and Eddie were framed in this episode, despite not being in a canonical romantic relationship at the moment.

This exchange absolutely took me the fuck out. Because this line did not need to be there. Even for the giggles. It could've even been a line of Buck being sincere and saying that he's proud of Eddie or something. Instead, we get this. "I've never seen a man turn a woman off with such skill". This line connected with the line from Marisol are both callbacks to Eddie's series-long issue with dating women. We get this in conjunction with Buck pointing out that Eddie doesn't really date these women he's in relationships with. He's just with them due to circumstances. Even if the circumstances are of his own making (which could be a symptom of compulsory heterosexuality). Eddie has never once talked about dating women like he's actually attracted to women. I'm so sorry. AND combined with the line where Buck and Eddie actually acknowledge that Eddie wasn't really with Shannon because he wanted to be with her but because of the family they accidentally created. All of this in ONE episode leading up to this line where it's heavily implied that Eddie's skill is his inability to turn women on, and to actually be able to turn them all the way off. And I'm just going to say it, but this line HEAVILY implies queerness. This is the kind of line you'd expect someone to say to a gay man or someone who doesn't actually want the sexual attention of a woman. This, again, in conjunction with Eddie not being able to tell the difference between a date with a woman vs. a man, is all too pointed.

This line alone in a vacuum could maybe not mean queerness, but alongside the whole rest of the episode where beat after beat after beat implies that Eddie has in fact NEVER been in a relationship with a woman 100% of his own active desire for her as a person and not just for what she can provide to his or his son's life?

This points to a very particular direction with Eddie that I'm expecting to see him fight against really hard this season. I would not be surprised if he ends up holding onto Marisol as the last shreds of perceived "normalcy" (ie. heterosexuality) are being threatened. Hopefully, he'll be able to reconcile the truth by the end of the season or going into season 8.

God this is so long and we haven't even gotten to the buddifer scene yet. This part will be a bit more condensed because I'm not really analyzing Chris as a character here or his relationship with Shannon. Maybe I will later.

I'm really loving seeing Christopher become his own person this season. But what really fascinates me here is Chris as a parallel to both Buck and Eddie. Christopher's abandonment trauma is starting to manifest in him through his choices with his love life. The same thing happened with Buck and with Eddie individually. Buck's trauma growing up informed his choices of sleeping around and seeking love from a myriad of individuals who didn't necessarily have his best interest at heart. Eddie's trauma manifested in him being so self-sacrificing that he can't ever choose a relationship for himself, but it always has to be in service of someone else or in pursuit of a perceived "Normal" standard.

In this case with Chris, his trauma is manifesting in a way more similar to Buck's, which is another reason why it's so perfect to see Buck being the one to discuss this with Chris, even though they don't necessarily delve too deep into it. There's no question Buck sees his own issues reflected in Chris. This has been true since 4x08 Breaking Point when Chris runs to Buck's house and confides in Buck his worries about people leaving him. Chris demonstrates a similar issue that Buck and Eddie both hold individually. That being the notion that "it doesn't matter what I do, or how good of a person I am, or how good of a partner I am, I am not worth staying for."

But the difference here is that Eddie and Buck, like the amazing co-parents they are, recognize the problem and take steps to address Christopher's trauma in a way that gives Chris autonomy and isn't condescending or out to make Christopher feel bad about making mistakes. The Buckley parents and the Diaz parents both failed Buck and Eddie in these ways because they blamed their children, never actually took the time to see the underlying issues let alone address them, and made them feel like everything was their fault, even going so far as to actively put their children down over and over and over again. Eddie and Buck get the beautiful chance to break the cycle here with Chris and get to be the parents that they never had.

It was so amazing to watch this episode with Buck and Eddie being supportive partners to each other and supportive parents to Christopher. It was an episode of growth just as much as it was an episode of reintroduction to a new audience. It was also extremely telling of what the future conflicts and themes will likely continue to be for Buck and Eddie for the rest of this season. I'm so excited to see what the rest of this season brings! And thank you from the bottom of my heart, ABC.

[kookslastbutton]

Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m)┃ch. V

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 3,342

Warnings: 8-year age gap, mentions of professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), jk has milk obsession, oc injured, both lonely :(, mommy issues, lots of family drama/in-laws, fighting, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues, jk being good hubby to oc

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: I've heard the requests and I think it's time to fulfill them–how did they get together?! Yes, it's here and I'm excited to finally share! Also, yes this took up whole chapter so a tiny break from present-day stuff but we'll be back at it next chapter. 💞

<< ch. IV ༓ ch. Vl >> | series masterlist

Before marrying you, Jungkook had the same routine. He got up, showered, brushed his teeth, put work clothes on, grabbed breakfast, and ran out the door with twenty minutes to spare. Trying to find a parking spot at 7 a.m. at the university was no joke and he had to leave early or some college kid would take the last spot and not think twice.

His night routine was similar. Jungkook finished the day between 5 and 6 pm, slowly regretting he ever agreed to teach evening classes. He’d kick off his shoes, eat dinner, grade some of his student’s papers if needed, brush his teeth again, and went to bed.

It was a constant cycle and with no one around, not even a pet, Jungkook’s life was fairly quiet and systematic. Sometimes his buddies would come over on the weekend for a couple of hours and that surely rocked his world.

But that wouldn’t happen often during the school season due to his ridiculously packed teaching schedule. The most recent person he’d hang around during those months was Taehyung and if he wasn’t free, Jungkook would spend his time at the grocery store–stocking up on milk.

4 years ago

“That was two weeks ago man,” Jungkook says, pushing a cart with five-gallon jugs of milk to his car. He’s on the phone with Taehyung who's reminiscing about the grand opening of the new art exhibit and how “lovely” it was to meet you there.

Jungkook doesn’t need reminding though.

He clearly remembers seeing you there and Taehyung happily making a complete fool of him once he found out who you were. Thankfully you hadn’t seemed to mind too much since you and Taehyung soon moved on to discuss various art theories, masterpieces, and underrepresented artists.

“You didn't have to stay y'know.” If Jungkook didn't know any better he'd think Taehyung was salty. "You could've left at 8 pm like you planned. __ and I would have been fine."

Jungkook winces hearing the man's argument. He did think about going home at 8, but it unsettled him to leave you alone with Taehyung. His colleague was enjoying himself a little too much that night and there’s no telling what he’d do or say when he’s overly comfortable.

Jungkook had to stay until you left.

"Are you kidding me? Leaving you unsupervised would've been the worst idea after all your endless blubbering." Jungkook pops the trunk of his car, stuffing the jugs of milk inside. "God knows what you'd scar __ with."

On the other line, Taehyung smirks through the speaker. "No, that's not it......you weren't going to leave me alone with a woman, an attractive one at that."

Jungkook grabs the last jug of milk, slamming it on the floorboard. "Student, and stop talking about her like that. She's my stu—"

"Say student one more time and I'm going to take all your milk and give it to Yoongi hyung's cats."

"I swear to god, Taehyung, if you touch my milk I'm never going to another art museum or wine tasting with you again." Jungkook is very protective of his dairy products.

"That's okay. I don't need you when __ says she'll be happy to go with me sometime." Smug bastard, Jungkook thinks. There's no way you said that.

"That's bull Taehy—"

"Look she's in her masters and is literally eight years younger than you. It's not that serious so stop acting like she's fresh out of high school. Besides, you said it yourself, she's not a child."

Jungkook grunts, shoving the cart into the others. "She's a young lady who happens to be enrolled in the school. As faculty, we have no business thinking or talking about her outside those terms."

"For fucksake, Kook. You always make things so complicated!" Taehyung's baritone voice cracks through the speaker. "I'm just trying to get you to admit that you're into her some way or another. How many other students have I stayed to talk to and you couldn't give a—"

Just then a loud, high-pitch screech interrupts the call. Jungkook whips his head around immediately. He doesn't spot anything at first but a string of profanities remains audible in the distance.

"Jungkook, are you okay?"

"Yeah, but someones screaming and I can't tell where it's coming from." Jungkook walks around the grocery parking lot, eyes darting left and right. "Oh shit!"

There, near the bus stop, you lay on your side with your right leg stretched out and blood running from your temple. You try getting up but you fall right back down, cursing sharply.

"Taehyung I gotta go, it's __. I don't know what happened but she's laying by the bus stop and I think she needs help!" Jungkook shuts his phone and races to where you lay. He kneels next to you with sheer horror on his face. "__, what happened? What can I do?"

"Damn college boys, Dr. Jeon," you spit, dragging your leg up as far as you can. You reach for your bag which had flung about a foot away when you crashed. "So fucking eager to get off the bus and—oh damn that hurts like a bitch!"

"What hurts?" Jungkook lunges forward to catch your torso from slamming on the hard concrete. "Stay still okay? We need to get you to the hospital."

"I'm all set, but thanks. It'll likely heal in a day."

Jungkook shakes his head and wraps an arm under your back and legs. "Can you put your arms around my neck?"

"Dr. Jeon, I appreciate what you're doing but I don't want to go to the hospital. Please."

You're serious. No trace of bluffing or even simply trying to act tough. You really don't want to go.

"You need to be checked by a doctor sweetheart," Jungkook insists. "Whatever happened has made it so you can't walk. C'mon, my car is nearby and I'll drive you over."

"No, wait!" He feels you push against his chest.

"__. I'm not leaving you without making sure you didn't break a bone or something. I don't want to make things worse but you don't look so hot right now. So please, let me take you." Jungkook lifts you up when you give a barely consenting yes.

"You sprained your ankle pretty bad hun." Dr. Kim Seokjin draws your attention to the X-ray scan. "Second degree." He points to the visual of your partially torn ligament. "There's going to be a lot of swelling so you're gonna need to stay off your foot for at least 4 weeks."

"Do I have to stay here?" is your first question.

"For the first couple of weeks, we strongly advise—yes." Dr. Kim moves on to the next X-ray scan. "You also cracked a rib which will also take about 4 weeks to heal, or more. Of course you're head has suffered a mild concussion as well but it's very mild thankfully." Dr. Kim catches sight of Jungkook next to you, staring at the scans. "You're wife's going to be okay," he says mid-diagnoses.

"We're not—" you start to say but Dr. Kim continues talking.

"Wife, girlfriend, lover, what have you. The point is, much of what we have here will recover with a month of rest, ice, and elevation." He takes a pen from his pocket and starts jotting down something on paper. "I recommend two weeks here for moderation purposes. If things look good, you finish the healing at home. Still, be careful though, no funny business."

The blank looks on both your faces tell Dr. Kim he wasn't clear enough. "Yah, my filters going to die with you two doe-eyed deer. No funny business means no sex!"

"Oh god!" You outburst, mortified by the thought. Jungkook whips his head to your slack-jawed expression. "Dr. Kim, it's not like that between us."

The older man suddenly zeros in on your professor, eyes narrowing slightly. "What's the matter son? Having trouble getting it up?"

Jungkook jolts in his seat, startled by the crass response. "I—no, what? There's nothing wrong with my—"

"We're not together!" You shout before Jungkook's sentence finishes. "We're friends." Saying that your professor brought you here sounded a little odd for some reason, especially when Dr. Kim was already convinced you two were a thing.

"Mhm sure, heard the same thing from my wife before we went off and eloped." Dr. Kim treads to the door. If he has a dime for how many times he's heard that "we're friends" bs he'd be...well, he's already rich so never mind. "Let's move on to something more productive now, like getting __ settled in a room. The sooner she starts the healing process, the sooner she can be good as new again."

"Thank you Dr. Kim," Jungkook says, slowly standing up to stroll you and your wheelchair out of the room. You didn't like it but the nurses insisted you be in one to keep pressure off your muscles.

"Yeah yeah." Dr. Kim waves him off. "Just remember what I said, no funny business. Especially here at the hospital. You don't know how many times I've heard the nurses catching their patients on top of one another at 2 am in the morning. That better not be you two, whoever you are to each other."

"Yes, doctor." You both reply, thankful of the fact that neither of you are in any position to be looking at each other.

"Is there any way I can be here for less than two weeks?" Jungkook watches as you plead with the nurse. It worries him that you're still anxious to avoid medical attention.

"I'm afraid not," the nurse says simply. "If you need anything, press the call button and I'll be in as soon as I can."

Once the nurse leaves, Jungkook pulls up a chair next to your bed. "Stupid question but how are you feeling?"

"I'm in an ankle brace, my rib burns, and my head is still dizzy. I'm trapped in the hospital for two weeks and all because a bunch of nineteen-year-old boys couldn't wait to hit up some frat party," you groan, not bearing in mind your tongue. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this Dr. Jeon."

"You didn't drag me into anything __. I'm glad I was there when this happened and I'm even more glad that you're here, getting help." Jungkook clears his throat before continuing. "Even if it isn't ideal for you."

You ignore the subtle pry for information. "Please, Dr. Jeon. You don't have to stay any longer. It's the weekend and I'm sure you have plans."

Jungkook gives a faint smile. "So, you're saying this is none of my business?"

"No, not—not at all. I mean if you want to stay then I guess you can but I don't want you to feel obligated or anything."

"I want to be here," Jungkook says simply. "But you know that's not what I meant. I'd like to know why it bothers you when anyone tries to help you...if I may."

"Just habit," you mumble quickly, averting eye-contact. It's not your professor's job to bear the weight of your problems.

Jungkook nods in reply, pretending you gave a satisfactory explanation. He wishes you'd tell him but if you didn't want to share more then that was your choice —he wasn't going to force you. "I understand." He grabs his phone from his pocket and rests his elbows on his knees. "Are you hungry?"

"Huh?" You look back at him, his question going right over your head.

"I asked if you're hungry. It's about dinner time so I can get you something if you want. I also have a bunch of milk in my trunk that needs to get to a fridge. But I can place the order now and pick it up in my way back here."

"Milk in your trunk?" Is the only words you repeat, dumbfounded. "Like chocolate milk or...?"

"Nah, Whole Milk." Jungkook grins at your scrunched up face. You try to hide it but not very well. "Don't look so disgusted. Milk is good for you."

"Yeah when you're ten years old."

"On the contrary!" You flinch when his voice rises, along with his eyebrows. "Milk has a lot of health benefits as adults. It has thirteen essential nutrients and helps maintain muscle and bone strength. I drink at least two full glasses a day, if not more."

"I'm sorry but that's nasty." You shudder at the thought of drinking milk in your twenties let alone your thirties. "You really enjoy it? The taste?"

"Yup, always have since a baby! Loved it so much that my mother-" You raise an eyebrow to which he abruptly switches topics. "Anyway, do you want me to pick you up something or no?"

You giggle, a little uncomfortable with whatever he was about to disclose to you.

"That's okay, no thanks."

"You sure? Otherwise I'm gonna be eating in front of you." Jungkook knows how this sounds — he's trying to force you to eat. But the truth is, he just doesn't want to eat by himself tonight. He also doesn't want to leave you alone this early, especially when you obviously detest being here, for whatever reason.

"I'm sure," you say. "But...if you want to come back you can. Not like I have anything to do anyway."

"Good then." Pleased, Jungkook opens up his phone contacts. "Give me you're number in case you change your mind while I'm out."

Over the next couple of weeks, Jungkook continues to stay by your side. He leaves to teach his classes of course and to go home late at night, but he stops by every day—hours at a time.

You keep insisting that he not come so much but he always makes the same excuses. "I just brought food" or "You're on my way home from the university". Sometimes he brings in class notes too.

Due to your current predicament, you're missing a lot of content so Jungkook thinks it best to go over key principles with you and takeaways from his lectures. He says it's his duty as a professor–never minding the fact that many of his other students are in a predicament of their own yet he’s not bothering to do jack for them.

"Look Dr. Jeon, I appreciate what you're doing but you really don't have to. I'll be perfectly alright to catch myself up from the textbook and study guides. You don't have to keep stopping by." You try again but Jungkook keeps his wall just as strong as yours.

"I know I don't have to __. I know that I could leave right now, take all these lecture notes home with me, and not feel guilty about a thing. But I told you I was going to be here and I'm going to keep to that no matter how many times you urge me to leave. I also want you to call me Jungkook outside class but have you allowed for any of those to happen?" Jungkook tosses the folder of notes in his sachel, a loud thump following. "A simple thank you would suffice."

"I am grateful, I really am. But I never asked to be given so much of your time. I feel bad because maybe you're just one of those overly nice people who feel it's their duty to stick around or what not when someone's in trouble. I don't need to be pitied over! Also, you said I could keep calling you the usual, so Dr. Jeon it will remain!" Why you're raising your voice, you don't know but it's happening either way.

"Yeah I did," Jungkook quips, matching your tone. "But after the last, nearly two weeks I think we ought to be on a first-name basis! And I'm in no way pitying you okay? I'm here because I care dammit! I don't want you to be alone and I don't want you to be behind in getting your Masters. So I' try to be be here every day for at least fifteen minutes if not more!"

You don't fully process what he says so you reply to what you remember most. "Why? Why can't I call you Dr. Jeon? It's been that way from the start, twice every week. So why do I need to call you Jungkook all a sudden?!"

"Because it makes me feel younger, you insulted my milk after I first took you to the hospital, we've been eating dinner almost every night since your injury, you told me about your childhood cat named Mr. Muttonbottom, and you just called me by my first name so there are no take backs! Now, if you're done making a fit, do you want bibimbap or jajangmyeon for dinner tonight?!"

What the actual hell? You cease your arguing at once, hearing your professor, or excuse you, Jungkook, all fluffed up. Obviously, you're not the only one high-strung over being stuck in the same routine day in, day out.

"Jajangmyeon...please," you mutter.

"Thank fuck," he swears. Yeah that's new too.

"Sorry for getting mad earlier." You mumble the words as soon as Jungkook returns with the food. "It just feels odd that you've been here all the time...you're my professor."

Jungkook mauls over your choice of words, stiffening ever so slightly. "Well, I'd like to think we're sorta friends now but alright. Does this actually bother you __? I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, you know that." He places the bag of take-out on the small desk near your bed.

"No, it's doesn't bother me." you just don't know how to react or what to say besides a measly thank you. More so, you don't want to make someone feel responsible for you...you should take care of your own shit without bringing others with you. It's not the best mindset, you're aware, but its the one you have.

"Okay good because to be completely transparent, I'm sorta here for me too. I live my myself, eat by myself, talk to myself....I do most things alone so it's nice having someone else to be around." He's not sure where to set his eyes, so he looks downward, fumbling with the napkins in front of him. "I'm making this awkward, sorry."

Feeling the strange need to offer comfort, you stretch a hand over Jungkook's arm. "I get it. It's nice having someone around too."

You and Jungkook hold each other's gaze for a few seconds more, letting the brief silence do the rest of the talking. Maybe you've been looking at this a little too one-sided.

"How are you feeling today? Any better?" Jungkook cracks open the bowl of Jajangmyeon, handing it to you with a pair of chopsticks.

You take the steamy food and gesture to your ankle which has swollen down a good amount. "Still more healing to be done but it's better."

Jungkook hums in approval. "That's comforting to hear. Dr. Kim going to discharge you soon?"

"Yeah, I think so. A few more days and he said I should be able to rest up at home."

"Really?" He chews on his bottom lip. "Well great, uhm , do you have stuff going on when you get back?"

You think a moment, trying to recollect if you made plans with Na-Rae. "Maybe some but not much. I don't have a ton of people around me right now either...down here I mean."

"Well, do you wanna go out to dinner then?" Jungkook pops the question more causal than expected. It's almost like he planned this or at least has been thinking about it for a bit. "We've been eating together for a while now and I think it might be a nice celebratory thing."

"Are you asking me on a date...Jungkook?" Because it defiantly sounds like he is, as indirect as it may be.

His reply is barely audible but you hear it and for the first time, your professor sounds truly timid. "Uh, well...let's go with "hang out", like friends do."

A/N: so yeah, thats how they got together 👀😅 anyone surprised? Thinking about a drabble for thier first date now haha. Anyway, next chapter we get back to present day stuff where more drama goes down. Also, adding a chapter bc this flashback took the whole chapter lol. Lmk your thoughts 💞

Masterlist

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no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[bellezaycafe]

Get Your Shit Together - Chapter 3

genre: 2024 Season AU

pairing: there will be romance but I haven't finalised who yet. platonic! oc x literally the whole grid.

warnings: swearing

context: Sadie, a 20 year old university student from Melbourne, decided to take a gap year and volunteer at 2 Formula One races in different countries.

Sadie's Faceclaim: Maia Mitchell (but you can visualise her howver you want :) )

comments: I guess this is a series now. I'm keeping the title Get Your Shit Together because I think Sadie is the kind of person who pretends to have her shit together but doesn't, so she helps everyone else get theirs together.

Part 1 | Masterlist

----$----

Max Verstappen was in a paddock interview when someone caught his eye. Dark brown hair, round face, sharp nose and a confident aura that compared to no others.

“Wait- hang on. Lewis, Lewis.” The older man looked over and his gaze followed Max’s pointed finger. “Mate, is that who I think it is?”

“Yeah mate, I think so.” Lewis’ smile only grew as he agreed.

“Who are you pointing too?” the interviewer asked.

Max hoped that she was just out of view of the cameras as he said, “the volunteer from Australia. The good one.”

He didn’t know how else to explain his respect for her in English; to him, she was good.

“It’ll be good to finally learn her name,” Lewis mused, scratching at his neat stubble.

“None of you know her name?” The reporter asked.

“No,” Lewis said into Max’s microphone. “I never had the chance to find her after the interviews.”

“I saw her the next day, I apologised for my behaviour to her,” Max commented. “But I forgot to ask her for her name.”

The reporter shook his head. “Alright well, thank you both for your time.”

Max nodded respectfully while Lewis said, “thank you.”

Then they both charged through the crowd towards the last place they saw the woman.

“Bets on her name?” Lewis asked.

“I don’t know. Something very Australian?”

“I feel like she’s a Layla or a Nira.”

"I think it's Sadie," came Lando's voice as he squished himself between the champions. "I asked Dave, one of the McLaren staff."

But when they reached the spot she had been, she'd vanished.

Max frowned and tried to use his height to see her but it was hopeless. Lewis pulled his phone out of nowhere and dialed a number. Lando just sat on the edge of a nearby pot plant.

"Heya," Lewis said into his phone. "I'm gonna need a paddock pass for our garage."

A pause.

"No, ass. I haven't found someone for the weekend and I don't intend to. It's for the girl from Melbourne, the volunteer George told you about... Yes, I know Carmen wants to meet her, that's why I'm asking you for a paddock pass."

Lando laughed from his seat, something boisterous and loud that had surrounding staff glancing over. Max was glad to hear his laugh again, it had been too long since they had hung out.

"No, I don't know her last name. I haven't even confirmed her first name... I can't ask her, she's not in front of me... I don't know where she is, we saw her from a distance... Max and Lando... Alright, fine. We'll find her."

Lewis hung up and sighed with a glance to the sky.

"They won't give you a pass?" Max guessed.

"They need her name first."

"Did you see who she was with?" Lando asked.

"Yeah," Lewis said. "Some paramedics. I recognised Mark, he's been the on call medic for years."

Max mulled over the fact he hadn't noticed anyone around her. He also mulled over the excitement little Lando Norris was trying to squash.

"I know where the medic tent is." He almost leapt up from his perch.

Lewis gave Max a knowing smirk as they disappeared into the crowd.

——$——

Sadie had no idea they had seen her. She was hoping that none of the drivers would remember her. She still hadn't seen their interviews from Melbourne and was clueless about the actions the FIA had taken to hand out penalties directly after the race.

"Hungry?" Mark, a middle-aged paramedic with greying blonde hair and smile lines besides his eyes, asked.

"I am starving, please tell me there is somewhere I can get a decent sanga."

Mark frowned. "Sanga?"

"Sandwich," Sadie corrected. She was almost bouncing as she spotted the food trucks.

"You Australian's are weird," Mark commented but he couldn't hide his smile.

"And you English are uncultured," she returned.

She liked Mark, they'd met yesterday during practices and clicked. He was her supervisor during the free practice sessions and qualifying but she'd stuck by his side off track too. He didn't mind, he knew she was there, on the other side of the world, alone, to work for a sport she loved.

He'd told her at the volunteer's group dinner last night that she was living the dream he had wanted to at 20. He'd had a couple wines and would not shut up about how much his wife would love to meet her.

"Mark, what do you want?" she called over her shoulder as the reached the sandwich truck. When he didn't reply, she glanced behind her.

He was 100 metres back, talking to none other than Sir Lewis Hamilton. Sadie turned back around, remembering their interaction in Melbourne.

Another body stepped up beside her, swathed in bright orange.

Correction: Papaya.

Sadie didn't turn, assuming it was a McLaren employee looking fro some early lunch.

"It's a surprise to see you here." Lando offered the icebreaker.

She turned at his voice and fought to keep her composure. His brown curls swished as he turned his head towards her.

"I didn't think you'd remember me," she said truthfully. Sadie focused her eyes on the bridge of his nose as she spoke, she didn't want to meet those ever-changing eyes. She'd already noted that they matched the day's grey sky.

"Most of us did." The driver shrugged. "Carmen, George's partner, wants to meet you. Lewis is trying to get you Mercedes paddock passes."

Sadie groaned at that, stepping closer to the food truck as the line moved forwards. "I'm not stepping near any of your garages unless I'm doing my job. Too many cameras, too many people."

Lando laughed. "Understandable, but Lewis is determined."

Sadie paused for a moment as the line moved again. "How about, I will come and meet George and Carmen after the race? I'll meet Carmen while Lewis and George do their interviews and debriefs?"

The same brown curls swayed as Lando nodded. "I think they'll agree to that. All the cameras will be focused on the interviews and top three."

Sadie made an 'exactly' gesture and stepped up to the food truck with a goodbye wave.

By the time she had ordered her sandwich and Mark's signature wrap, the drivers had finished speaking with the paramedic.

He joined her while they waited.

"You never told me it was you who scolded Max in Melbourne," Mark noted.

Sadie muttered a curse. "I was hoping that everyone had forgotten about that. I lost my temper and I'm not proud of it."

"Lewis said that you stood up for yourself."

"I scolded him like a school teacher."

"You did call him a child."

"Angry, remember?"

"Sandwich and wrap for Sadie!" the food vendor shouted.

She stepped up, collected their food and handed her wrap to Mark.

"I didn't tell anyone about it because don't like media attention," she told him. "I hate how how the media follow the drivers. They have to fight for a private life, and I hate that. Max was angry, I was angry, and that interaction was something between the drivers and I. It had nothing to do with the fan's consumption of the race."

Mark hummed his agreement around his wrap.

"The media circus doesn't know what happened, and they don't need to. His reaction was fair, and they don't need to be involved."

Sadie watched something pass over Mark's face but she couldn't place what it was. She devoured her sandwich instead.

----$----

Please let me know about how you feel about the direction this thing is going!!

[roz-ani]

One issue I don't quite get and want to briefly comment on is the idea that Alastor has to be either an old-school villain who's just evil for the sake of being evil, or more of an antagonist with actual depth, emotions, and traumatic backstory to explain his actions, letting the audience relate to him. I think we're going to extremes here. We don't have to go, "Oh, I understand why he would do that". The main goal is for us to say, "Oh, so that's his deal".

While we don't know exactly what Alstor's deal is, what the exact terms of his contract are etc., he is, without a doubt, the most complex character in the show. He's in a unique position since he technically helps Charlie achieve her goal, but it's obvious he's in it for selfish reasons, with some grander scheme going on behind the scenes. May he eventually be the one the main cast will have to fight at some point? Sure. Would it be even more fun because he is a part of the said cast? Absolutely.

Let's get one thing straight: Alastor is evil. He's in Hell for a good reason. He's a cannibal and a serial killer. And I know we can absolutely forgive characters for doing the absolute worst, but he is not a good person. And yes, you can like (and simp for) evil characters. (If you think being a fan of intriguing fictional creations makes you a terrible person, you need to get off twitter and tiktok to actually interact with real people.) At the same time, the finale of season 1 simply made it clear that Al does have depth, and that he's going to be a three-dimensional character. Not that his actions are going to be suddenly justified.

But why can't we explore evil characters while enjoying them and letting them be evil? We can. Alastor started his carnage in Hell before making his deal, so it's not the main reason behind his less-than-questionable actions. For now, he's looking for freedom so he can (re)gain power and be in control again. At the same time, he is growing attached to the other characters. I highly doubt he'll be redeemed; we'll just learn more about him, his backstory, and his goals.

Can you even call Al an antagonist? If you ask me, he's more of an anti-hero. Heck, do we know who he is? Not really, and that's the point. He's one of the main characters, but he makes himself separate in both the story and the writing. He's a wild card.

We don't know what's coming for the Radio Demon in season 2. The first one established that there's more to him and that he started growing fond of the other characters, while the finale made Al realise it almost got him killed. He was humiliated and it reminded him even more that he's still under someone else's control. At least, that's how I see it. Alastor may become more sinister as the story progresses, and as he's getting more and more desperate to free himself of the contract. AT THE SAME TIME, he did come back to the Hotel with a smile and consent for a group hug, so it's not like he's going to blow it up in the first episode. He's not against the Hotel itself. He's doing his own thing, knowing that the titular establishment is an inherent part of his story. All paths lead to the Hazbin Hotel. My guess is that he will simply become more active.

Alastor is already a three-dimensional character; there is no doubt about that. But it's not like he's getting reckoned here. I don't really understand where this notion of our Radio Demon being an old-school villain came from in the first place. He's always been a mystery. Okay, maybe in the pilot it was not so clear-cut, and I'll admit, it would be fun to just see the Radio Demon as a powerful entity overlooking the hotel for his own pleasure. Turning him into a villain later on? Meh, depends on what would happen in the story if that were the case. Watching Jack Horner in "Puss in Boots", reminded me how much I missed villains that were not an initial antagonist's evil-incarnate-superior. However, it was quite quickly established that there is more to Alastor. He would have to appear pretty rarely to not go through any character arc in a show with such an ambitious storyline as Hazbin Hotel (and what a delightful character would we lose if that was the direction the writing team would have taken?). I would mention the pacing actually harming that development, but it's clear this is the show's biggest problem, and we just have to take things for granted.

If anything, Alastor is being restrained from being purely evil. To me, he's a combination of both of the character types I mentioned at the beginning, leaning more toward the well-developed anti-hero. Just let evil characters be evil and three-dimensional. 

[thorias]

So I've been thinking about how the "Saving Gambit" story is going to play out in season 2. Not much else to do right now but speculate since it doesn't look like we'll be getting any new information for a while; hell, at this rate, they probably won't even let AJ acknowledge that mid-credit scene in the finale until we've at least got a trailer to sink our teeth into.

Anyway... ideally, I'd like there to be more to it than just Rogue telling Deathbit that she loves him and then he's back to normal like magic. That's okay for Rogue, I guess, but Remy needs an arc too. And it would feel anticlimactic if it's that easy, especially after we got so gipped with the lack of Romy content in season 1.

I'd like them to build a real story around this, with the X-men trying a bunch of different ways to get through to Remy, but none of them work. I want to see Rogue try to drain the evil out of him like she did with Archangel in XTAS, only for her touch to have no effect because Apocalypse has accounted for that this time. I want to see Jean try to shut down the Deathbit persona telepathically, only for it to force her out of his mind.

I want to see them try everything they can think of to bring Remy back and fail every time until it all seems hopeless... and then hope arrives from an unexpected place.

We're getting into fanfic territory here, but we don't have much to go on for the time being, so screw it. Here's how I'd write the thing...

Archangel shows up to help the X-men with Apocalypse/Deathbit, giving them some new insight to go on. He explains how Apocalypse turns mutants into Horsemen; what it feels like and whatnot. Maybe it's a psychological thing where Apocalypse burrows his way into a person's subconscious and plants a seed that grows into something dark and twisted, which warps how that person thinks and perceives the rest of the world.

I see Archangel describing it as Apocalypse sifting through every memory and experience a mutant has ever had, looking for their absolute lowest, most vulnerable moment, when they feel utterly alone, hopeless and are most in need... and in that moment, Apocalypse appears to them (in their subconscious) like a savior and offers them a hand.

Them taking his hand symbolizes them surrendering to his influence and allows him to set up shop in their head, so the Horseman persona can take over. So if the X-men want to save Remy, they're going to have to deprogram him by getting inside his mind and finding that moment, so they can stop him from accepting Apocalypse's offer.

So maybe the X-men have to fight Deathbit to immobilize him. This gives Xavier an opening where he'd use Cerebro to boost his telepathy enough to get through Apocalypse's mental defenses, so he can take Rogue, go inside Deathbit's mind and start poking around in Remy's memories.

This is where Remy's arc can come in because they can do a lot of cool character stuff here. They start by looking at his childhood. Maybe they see him as a little kid in an orphanage (pre-thieves guild) with the nuns who run the place calling him "le diable blanc" and trying to beat the devil out of him. Then, after the beating, Apocalypse appears to child Remy and offers his hand... but Remy turns away.

They see teenage Remy having just run away from Belladonna and the thieves guild, having to leave his home, his first love and the only family he ever had. He's alone, miserable, heartbroken... again Apocalypse appears and offers his hand... and again Remy turns away.

They see Remy in Paris with Genevieve Darceneaux and her winding up dead simply because Remy Lebeau entered her life. As he stands over her grave, feeling guilt-stricken and heartsick, once more Apocalypse appears, offering him salvation, to free him from his self-loathing... and once more Remy turns away.

You know where I'm going with this, right?

Finally, they end up at the Genoshan gala on the night of the attack. A heartbroken Remy watches Rogue dance with Magneto, but can't stomach it and walks out. He sits alone outside, feeling utterly desolate, wondering if everything he thought him and Rogue had meant to each other was all for nothing.

One final time, Apocalypse reaches out... extends his hand... and in his despair... Remy takes it. That's the moment they have to stop.

The rest pretty much writes itself. Rogue jumps in between Remy and Apocalypse. Maybe there's a psychic battle with Xavier keeping Apocalypse at bay while Rogue tries to get through to Remy, finally telling him what really happened, that she'd actually rejected Magneto, realizing that Remy was right about what they have being "deeper than skin," but his self-loathing rears its' ugly head and he refuses to listen to her.

So finally, Rogue does what fans have been waiting for for 6 seasons, across 2 different cartoon series and 3 freaking decades: She finally tells him that she loves him... and she kisses him (they're on the psychic plane, so they don't have to worry about her powers hurting him here).

Maybe Rogue has gotten through to Remy and maybe she hasn't. His reaction is ambiguous, he still seems confused...

Xavier can't hold Apocalypse back anymore. Apocalypse confronts Remy and offers his hand again. It looks like Remy is reaching out to take it... but instead, he hands Apocalypse the Queen of Hearts card, which explodes in his face.

Apocalypse's hold over Remy is broken, the Deathbit persona is gone.

If they wrote something like that, I'd be pretty happy. But given how season 1 turned out, I'll probably have to lower my expectations.

[fizzbot]

ok im not sure if anyones pointed this out yet, but this is a helluva boss sticker pack that just recently released. its very possible that it means absolutely nothing........but is it possible that these are hints to upcoming shorts???? (personal rambles and theories under the read more)

these all seem really random. which wouldnt be out of the norm for helluva merch, usually its just an assortment of random characters doing random things. but with the fact that we now know that we'll be getting shorts, and the fact that these all seem like very specific scenarios, i think its plausible that these are hints for things that might be upcoming.

the cherubs being here is especially interesting, because we havent seen anything about them AT ALL since early season 1. we know theyll be making a return (presumibly in mastermind) but then why is the merch featuring these cherubs, and not collin, keenie, and cletus? i think its possible that well be getting a short set in heaven, specifically about these characters/perhaps in preparation to the release of mastermind.

as we know from hells belles, verosika will be going on a tour in pride, which presumably sets up apology tour. but in this art shes not in pride, shes in sloth. this is where we know the rehab center is. is it possible shell end up back in rehab/well get a flashback short about her time in there? potentially even some backstory with her and barbie??

the next one features bee, tex, and loona. i THINK it was confirmed somewhere (although i dont have a source) that well be seeing bee again this year, although i just assumed that would be in the finale. its possible that she, tex, and loona will be hanging out again in a short, which would be nice! ive also seen some theories/speculation that this specefic piece of merch might allude to the ship ""honeybunch"" (or bee x tex x loona) potentially becoming canon.

stolas and octavia sort of has me stumped. based on her lines in the trailer, it seems like octavia is still harboring some resentment, and this picture seems like a really sweet glimpse into their domestic life. honestly this feels so out of character for me that it almost made me throw my whole idea about these being potential shorts out the window. im sure they still do have nice moments like this, but i struggle to picture them happening since the only interactions weve seen them have have been negative. maybe therell be a short trying to rectify this? or this could be a pre-blitz flashback.

im partially hoping these are shorts JUST for this next one. i want striker to have a short so so bad. i have literally NO idea what it would be, though. i just wanna see more of him and bombproof :( zooming in on the picture, i did notice that 1) theyre back in wrath. 2) striker is polishing a (not-blessed) knife. and 3), he doesnt seem to be too injured from the escape in oops. although, interestingly, we only get to see the left side of his face. im pointing this out, because in oops, when the explosion occurs, the shot of the fire zooming towards strikers face is a direct parallel to the shot of the fire zooming towards BLITZ face. i think it would be REALLY sick if they ended up with matching burn scars.

finally, moxxie and his mom. this is the piece that gave me this idea in the first place, just because it seems so incredibly random. i cannot even imagine a place where she would come back, if not a flashback short that delves deeper into his childhood. where else would she fit in this whole season? its possible that he has another flashback in the show, but the trailer seems REALLY focused on stolas and (especially) blitzs past, so it feels slightly unlikely. it makes sense that theyd get a whole short dedicated just for them.

idk, maybe im WAYYYY off. i just think it would be nice to get some time away from the main cast in their current states for a while and these seem like some of the best ways to do it

[raayllum]

Rayllum's S7 Arc through the Lens of S6

By surprisingly popular demand (aka I thought the poll would get maybe 30-70 votes max, not 151 holy shit thank you) I thought it was time to look at S6's plotline for Rayla and Callum and how, in my personal belief, basically every single scene they have sets up their main ongoing storyline in S7. What storyline you ask? Well, I think there are basically there are 3-4 main threads that S6 either sets up or continually evolves for them

The possession plot line

Love > Mystery (Callum? + the cube and Aaravos)

The Greater Good

Love > Duty (Rayla) / the importance of breaking promises (Claudia, Runaan)

Most of these are pretty set in stone — only the 2nd one is what I would call speculative in regards to Callum's interiority next season leading up to the possession — so let's get through the most obvious one first, and start with

The Possession Plot Line

But wait, you say, Callum can't be possessed again. He fixed the hole in his spirit caused by dark magic which means Aaravos can't control him again.

Yes, and there is Ample evidence throughout the season (and prior seasons) that he will 1) do dark magic and 2) that they've kept on setting up the possession plotline throughout the majority of the season (6x01-6x05), which I'll start with in one of their first scenes in 6x01:

CALLUM: [Chuckles] It would've been a comfy and cozy death.

In a similar way that Callum's first scene in 4x01 involves the mirror (Aaravos) and has him stumble over his various titles establishes that his main arc will be about his search for control over his identity/self, 6x01 highlights this again: he's not a threat because he's Callum, himself ("It's just me") so Rayla can stand down. This of course ties back into the loss of identity that the possession brings ("I felt so weak and out of control. I was his puppet") and the promise Callum asked for in S4 that Rayla rejected (and we'll get to the reiteration of it in 6x03 later).

We also see that in how Callum's language has changed from season four both in his conversation with Rayla:

CALLUM: I'm not afraid that he'll hurt me. I'm afraid that he'll use me to do awful things, or hurt people I care about. (4x07) CALLUM: I don't know how, but I'm afraid... He's gonna use me. (6x01)

and with Soren:

SOREN: I know that mirror too well. My father was obsessed with it. [...] Callum, I-I know you love magic, but I hope you're careful. Because it can change people. (4x04)

to

CALLUM: As long as it's here or anywhere, it poses a threat, because Aaravos can manipulate people on the outside. Like he did with Lord Viren. And me. (6x01)

And, quite frankly, if Aaravos had already used Callum for his intended ultimate purpose, we would've seen the Callum pawn intro in S6 (the pawn intro that features the cube, I might add), neither of which have fully come to fruition. So. (But again, more on that later.)

We also have 6x03 directly renew the promise with Rayla's conversation in Runaan — who in many ways was the embodiment of "upholding your duty to the immense detriment of yourself and everyone else around you" — that Rayla's promise is going to come back around, and that literally can't happen unless 1) Callum does dark magic so 2) Aaravos can corrupt/possess him.

There is very, exceedingly little point to not only repeat a plot beat we've already seen in 4x07 just to have Rayla change her answer to the more dramatic, stakes-driven one, reaffirm it in the season finale, and then completely drop it.

This plot thread of the eventual possession fight is also set up through Rayla's encounters with Esmeray, Runaan, and the idea of monsters/corruption: "[After corruption] what life remains has been twisted into monstrosities" / "I'm a monster!" "You're not a monster!" "I remember I fought you. I tried to kill you! How could I?" / "You keep calling it a monster."

After all, if Rayla can restore their identities to Esmeray and her father... then why not Callum? ("I own you. I control you! Deadwood!" "That's not my name. My name is Elmer.") As 6x06 makes sure to tell us, the light-star ritual rids the body of dark magic, but with an added caveat: "But beware: if you ever do dark magic again, the darkness and corruption will overwhelm you."

There's also a lot of other reasons this kind of framing for it makes sense for Callum's arc and the show (which is all about making choices) in particular — but yeah, there's not a doubt in my mind that Callum is getting possessed in S7 and is doing dark magic again. Even their first scene together in 6x01 with "I heard you were up here losing your mind" which is what literally happens during possession and is a direct parallel to Zubeia's dark magic corruption ("Infected. Corrupted. I fear I'm losing everything. Losing my mind").

So let's talk about something a little less set in stone, which is Callum's journey to getting there. Specifically:

Love > Mystery

What is the mystery of Aaravos?

Well, there's a few. There's his initial motivations, which are now answered thanks to season six. There's his involvement with dark magic, which will likely be answered in season 7. Callum had the initial mystery of the mirror. Aaravos taunts Sol Regem over "the mystery that has haunted you for a thousand years" in the death/disappearance of his mate. Seasons four and five were dedicated to figuring out the mystery of his prison, though we still likely have more to learn about the imprisonment itself.

However, the mystery we've been steadily waiting one since season one is simple:

For years now, I'd speculated that the Key wasn't a literal key to Aaravos' prison (though I hadn't ruled it out), but something that would be a power up and help restore him to his full abilities. The fact that we now know why and indeed that Aaravos wants it back at all is a beautiful fun bonus in the predictions chart.

The fact that it's linked to primal magic also makes sense even beyond its design, as the language used to talk about primals is similar to the kind used to describe the cube:

LUJANNE: They have a piece of it inside them. We call that piece an arcanum. It's like the secret of the primal, or its meaning. That secret becomes a spark. The tiniest flicker of a primal source inside you, but enough to ignite the world with its magic. (2x01)

CALLUM: You don't control anything. But you already knew that, didn't you? Because it's the secret of the Ocean itself. The arcanum. (5x08)

In season 7, Callum is going to inevitably learn (hi Astrid?) that Aaravos is out of his prison and, presumably, the Archmage will be looking for his primal book of destiny. What may happen, then, is a race to get the book first, with the Cube pointing the way seemingly to Elarion, if Callum's little map in 6x02 is to be believed... or in that general direction, at least.

If Callum can get the book and use the Key with it, he'd solve a big mystery, get a lot of cool primal stuff, and be all geared up to defeat Aaravos while also de-powering the Startouch elf. He doesn't have to worry about being controlled anymore, but I could see this being the alternative avenue Callum gets obsessed over since it combines 1) his deep desire to learn more primal magic, 2) his love of books, 3) his Key, which he's wanted to figure out since s2 and is actively working on it (6x02), and 4) his desire to defeat Aaravos and keep the world and everyone else safe.

The Cube's secrets, the location of the book, the mystery of Primal magic. The mystery of Aaravos.

I don't think it's going to be that simple though, seeing as S6 also introduces a small but interesting caveat when it comes to chasing mysteries:

Anyone who knows me knows that I love Aaravos and Rayla's foil dynamic and it is persistently one of my favourites, so I was pleasantly surprised when S6 gave it so much direct focus. Rayla being a literal metaphorical star in direct opposition to Aaravos as the Literal Light to Aaravos' darkness in their dynamics with Callum; 6x09 being about their journeys in processing the loss of family; and of course, the above, with wondrous mysteries paling in comparison to their loved ones (Callum, Rayla; Leola).

Another thing I always thought was interesting was the candle parallel between Aaravos, Rayla, and Callum.

Upon their (re)entry into Callum's life, he holds a candle up to both of them. For Aaravos, this remains 'lit' and upheld, as Callum spends the two years after his TDP short story, "Inheritance" investigating the secrets of mirror. A mystery that is interrupted and delayed by Rayla's return, in which Callum holds up another candle (despite having primal magic at his beck and call)... and then lowers it and puts the candle down when he sees that it's her.

Almost like the mystery of the mirror — of the cube — doesn't hold a candle to her.

That the mystery he may become obsessed with in S7 is one he's ultimately willing to relinquish if it means saving her life.

Do the right thing. Make the sacrifice.

This doesn't rule out Callum delivering the cube under possession (hi pawn intro featuring him pondering it and turning to stone), mind you, nor does it mean Callum can't reclaim the Cube and use it / the book for good by the end of the season (him reclaiming the cube has always been one of my favourite ideas, mirroring the way he'll reclaim his identity and agency from Aaravos).

But I do think S6 in this specific vein added interesting precedent to the idea of Love being more important than mysteries, and with Rayla being Callum's one path, well...

It'd make a lot of sense, wouldn't it?

The Greater Good

The "greater good" has always been a loaded concept in TDP, whether it was the singular Magma Titan vs thousands of human lives, or hundreds of people teaming up to defend Zym at the Storm Spire, though rarely spelled out as directly as it was in S6. I want to do a proper meta update on S5 and S6's continued trolley problems, ideally sooner rather than later, so I'm not going to go as Ham here as I could. That's said, there's still plenty to talk about, so let's get into it.

Season six sees three kind of distinct trolley problems. The first is in discussion only between Callum and Rayla in 6x03 on either end; the second is over Viren and Kpp'Ar regarding the staff (and arguably Lissa as well); and the third with Viren and Soren in Katolis during Sol Regem's attack.

Obviously the one that is most relevant to this meta is 6x03, but I'd argue it starts a little earlier in the season in both 6x01 and later in 6x05 for our lovebirds, respectively:

RAYLA: You knew. You knew this was the reward. [Callum nods] Why didn't you tell me? CALLUM: Because I know you, Rayla. If I'd told you, you would've refused to go, because you never do anything for yourself. So I wanted to do something for yourself for you.

When it comes to the greater good, Rayla routinely puts it above all else. This is one of her strongest similarities to Viren in Arc 1, who cared about "a bright future for all of humanity" even at the detriment of his own children and all moral standing. Callum, however, in a steady surefire contrast to both of them, puts her and Ezran above anything and everything else, which is exactly why Rayla immediately understands "the issue" after learning about his dark magic use:

RAYLA: Am I supposed to thank you? CALLUM: No, that's not what I'm saying. I... RAYLA: Listen to me. If you ever have to choose between me or the greater good, do the thing thing. Make the sacrifice.

Callum then uses this as leverage, as previously discussed, to get Rayla to agree to his own request to kill him if Aaravos ever takes control of him again. She does, this time, as Callum cites:

CALLUM: You told me to never sacrifice the greater good for one person, no matter who it is, well... You have to promise me something, too.

When a character says something in dialogue ("If you must make a choice [between Soren and egg / 'the world'], choose the egg"), particularly when it comes to making a choice, that inevitably means they are going to be presented with that situation and have to make a choice. If a character is told not to do something, or says they will never do something ("I don't do dark magic. I will never help you"), they will almost inevitably always end up eventually doing so. This isn't always true, of course, in TDP or otherwise, but it is still a general setup rule of thumb.

So Callum is going to be pushed into an avenue where he has to pick between the greater good or Rayla, likely in the vein of helping Aaravos or losing her, and he's going to pick helping Aaravos to save her. This may mean handing over that damn cube (meta on that specifically to follow) or, at bare minimum, doing dark magic knowing it'll mean corrupting himself (self sacrifice) and subsequently turning himself over into Aaravos' will of chaos (sacrificing the greater good) knowing the consequences will be disastrous.

Because he would do anything for her, and that includes sacrificing his life, his agency ("That's the dark magic you want. Just let her go" / "Finnegrin was going to kill you. I didn't have a choice"), the world ("Tell me she wasn't your world"), and becoming a 'monster'.

He'll be saved, of course. I think S7 will actually end quite well for Callum — freed from Aaravos' possession forever, reconciled with his brother, happy with Rayla, reclaiming his cube and possibly learning from Aaravos' book of primal magic, etc. The road to get there is just going to be hell, first.

This conflict of greater good vs personal attachments though, while present in Callum's arc (choosing Ez over Harrow in 1x03; Rayla over his morals in 2x07; Rayla over his safety in 5x08, etc), is likewise at its most prevalent in Rayla's arc, so let's talk about it.

Love > Duty

Ehasz: Lain and Tiadrin, and Runaan and Ethari, as the parents of Rayla, represent the forces that are at war within her between duty and love. Her biological parents left her out of duty and Runaan and Ethari raised her out of love. Think about how she left Callum; she chose duty over love. Now she’s choosing love over duty, and we'll see this conflict within her manifest again.

So. Rayla "never [does] anything for herself," by Callum's own admission. She's agreed to murder her boyfriend if he's ever possessed again. She refused to purposefully help her family until everything with Aaravos was resolved (6x01, 6x05: "Just wait a little longer, okay?"). Her core conflict has routinely been Love vs Duty ("My heart for Xadia), often to her detriment when she chooses duty over love.

While in some ways her heart has been hardened more than it was in arc 1 ("We can't save everyone, Soren"), in others, she's never been softer and more hopeful ("I'm your daughter and I need you"). After all, while I see Rayla herself as Callum's one truth, if we read it as Love (in general), than that makes her the physical/visual embodiment of Love in his life, and well...

As the most Moonshadow elf to ever Moonshadow, Runaan was, in a lot of ways, the embodiment of duty in S1. He fought his daughter and "tried to kill" her in an effort to maintain his oath as a Moonshadow elf and honour his position as troupe leader. He was prepared to possibly take her life, as "we take it, but we do not take it lightly." He refused to listen.

I think the fact that he's remorseful as all hell in S6, then, bodes very well for the future. Not only does his fight with Rayla foreshadow multiple elements of her fight with Callum—identity, corruption, "I know you're still in there! I'm not letting you go!"—but if he embodies the remorse of duty, and Rayla embodies the persistence and forgiveness of love, well...

Love wins over duty.

This is symbolized, too, as the parallels between Rayla's assassin binding—a solemn vow and threat of punishment if she failed in her duty, which Callum's act of love (smashing the primal stone to save Zym) allowed her to be free of—and the bracelet/binding that Callum gifts her explicitly out of his love and care for her. The first binding a reminder that as an assassin, she was "already dead" vs one that will help her come back to him.

This follows through on what season hammers home, which is that Rayla (and the world around her) is at its best when acting in accordance with her big heart. The prophecy and reason dictated that to kill the icy monster was the best route forward, but her heart saw otherwise ("I know in my heart. You have to trust me") and allowed her to connect and literally help repair/illuminate Esmeray's broken heart by gifting the moon opal. Her love, not her fierce devotion to duty, is Callum's guiding star ("Rayla is kind and good" / "You have true courage, and a big heart" / "Rayla is selfless, strong, and caring. That's what makes her a hero. That's what makes her Rayla." / "I understand now. Your kindness pierced her heart and melted the threat" / "Yours is a wondrous heart").

Runaan taught her to never break her promises (6x09) as part of being a Moonshadow elf and a good assassin, but breaking her promise ("Before I met you, I swore an oath, to end Prince Ezran's life") and indeed sparing Marcos was one of the best, most crucial things she's ever done. Since we know Callum won't sacrifice her, we can also be sure — especially after her victories with Runaan and Esmeray — that she won't sacrifice him. Runaan broke his promise to Ethari, inadvertently abandoning his lover for two years over something that was ultimately harmful and unnecessary (sound familiar), and it makes me wonder if Runaan will support Rayla choosing love over duty, and mutually learning from their own mistakes in doing the opposite.

There's also the fact that sometimes, breaking a promise would be a good thing, as showcased in prior seasons:

SOREN: Of course we can [capture the boys]. We promised Dad. (2x07)

CLAUDIA: Aaravos followed through on everything he said he was going to do to save my dad. And I promised to help free him. (6x04)

Conclusion: Sacrifice

Where a lot of these points meet, though, especially for the intersection of love and duty, is at the point of Sacrifice. We see this smattered throughout the season, both directly in dialogue

CALLUM: You told me to never sacrifice the greater good for one person, no matter who it is. Well, you have to promise me something too. (6x03)

VIREN: And even if I could, oh, the sacrifice is unthinkable. The spell requires a human heart. (6x08)

and more indirectly but still very prominently through action: Claudia killing/suffering through the physical and emotional ordeal of killing Sir Sparklepuff ("It... It's love!" "It's too much to ask. It hurts to see you like this); Viren regretting how he handled things with Lissa and then afterwards with Soren because "the cost was devastating. Your mother left us"; and of course in Callum and Rayla's argument in 6x03 over Callum's willingness to destroy and hurt himself in order to protect Rayla, who's done the same thing many times over, just in leaving or using herself as a shield.

"We must be ready to sacrifice, even the things we love" (3x03) when it comes to duty. We must likewise be willing to sacrifice things, such as duty, safety, ego/pride, morality, or your life, in the name of love. Sacrifice — dark magic, of what are you willing to trade or kill or sacrifice in exchange for your aims or protective desires — is then accordingly, the theme of Book Seven: Dark, and one that both Callum and Rayla will have to confront.

Luckily, Callum is consistent and enduring — and Rayla is true hearted and growing — enough to do the Right Thing, and make the choice they've ultimately, routinely, always made: each other.

So long as she's Rayla — brave, selfless, loving — he can be Callum, and so long as he's Callum — resourceful, persistent, loving — she can be Rayla. Not a dark mage forcing her to be an assassin, but two people who bring out the best in one another.

And in doing so, in choosing to save rather than sacrifice each other, they get to likewise save, love, and preserve themselves.

[euryleli]

I don't think anyone from the byers-hopper family is going to die!

I would love to hear more about your theories regarding this subject if you really think there's an actual chance of characters like Will and El (or even Jonathan) dying in st5 - because from where I stand, I just... can't see it happening!

It doesn't make sense to me for a number of reasons!

First there's Will: a closeted gay teen from the 80s living his WORST life in smalltown, Indiana. Will, a boy who has been bullied his entire life not only by his peers but also by his own fucking father - all in the name of this inherent otherness he carries that's been associated with his queerness since episode 1 from s1!! The boy that's always described as kind, honest and sensitive - the little kid who changed the world of every single one of his loved ones with his absence. William Byers, the boy who went to hell, spent a week there and then came back all wrong, slowly losing his identity because he was fucking possessed by this otherworldly creature - who was burned out of him, mind you AND the after effects of his frolicking in the upside down for seven days straight and late possession by freaky monster #1 led to a connection that haunts him TO THIS DAY!

THEN (because it can't get better) we have stranger things season 3 and 4 where will byers gets beaten time and time again by forced conformity, internalized homophobia and, of course, the usual supernatural Horrors that we're all acquainted with (and that have a canonical narrative connection to all the issues previously mentioned but wtv)!

Ur telling me that this boy who hasn't known A SINGLE DAY OF PEACE in his LIFE (because Will had it bad before the upside down), who's the only confirmed gay character (as of now) AND the one who doesn't believe he can or even deserves love?? Is going to die??? This boy is not gonna have his happy ending? Will Byers, the starting point of this whole story is gonna be used as a pawn to... what? Further develop a straight relationship that actively hinders the arc of the female main character (El)? His death is gonna "complete" his arc and we'll deal with another case of the "Bury Your Gays" trope? Mike's character is gonna be buried alongside Will then because if his ending is one of conformity then all his actions throughout the series make no god-damned sense - basically he's just an asshole and an awful fucking friend? What the actual fuck??

So... Will dies, saves everyone but leaves Joyce and Jonathan completely heartbroken? Even when their love for Will is what kick-started the whole show? The show started with us rooting for them to find Will and they did!

But oh... wait... he died lol

It doesn't make sense, narratively speaking.

"What about El, then?" you ask!

Look, I'm slightly scared for her too but I genuinely think they're not gonna kill her off and the main reason is Hopper. What's the point of having Hopper grieve Sarah, his first daughter who tragically dies at a young age from cancer, just to make him start coping with her loss, bonding with El - actively viewing her as his family - to then take that family from him A SECOND TIME?? WHAT'S THE POINT OF THAT?

Aside from El's arc and her development as a young girl who was robbed of her childhood and sense of self for so long finally coming into her own person (not Hopper, not Mike, just El), killing her off is an efficient way to ruin not one but TWO of the most beloved characters in stranger things.

Having either Will, El or both of them dying in the finale would be a tragedy and yes, stranger things has it's moments where everything goes wrong and people die (and stay dead) but...

It's not supposed to be a tragedy.

That's not the kind of show we're watching.

Hell, you can say that they're going to kill the other family members then! But I don't see them killing Joyce or even Jonathan (although I can admit I'm not fully confident on that last one) because - again - it defeats the whole purpose of the show and Hopper came back from the dead already, the duffer brothers are not gonna kill him AGAIN (El grieving her father a second time is just as bad as Hopper grieving Sarah, then El)

The Byers are the heart of the show and sure... stranger things s3 and s4 kind of lost the plot on that front, but we're definitely getting back with willel and their final arcs in s5 (their family, now with Hopper and El, will be heavily featured in their development)

So, yeah...

Stranger Things is, fortunately, not a tragedy - and considering the love I have for all the characters (especially the Byers-Hopper) I can't say I'm upset about it.

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 19

Emily has really been going full villain mode these past couple of episodes, huh? while I'm overall not a huge fan of how many women have been portrayed as rude/unreasonable as compared to their male counterparts, i do love an evil queen. i support women's wrongs.

oh, Gabby. how many people wish that were true. (very cute gabellie content as usual)

i wonder if this is a soft confirmation that we'll never see Gabby or Ellie compete again.

this is so important. also, Hunter, the heart is on Ally's pajamas, not her casual look with the jacket. unless he just drew that there because he loves Ally so much :D

glad that Tom can finally admit that he is a terrible liar. truly, the person Tom and Jake should blame is the hiring manager who hired Tom in the first place.

if you loved him this whole time then why did you lie to him about having another boyfriend, Tom? ,':/ (/lh) (i know that he was explaining in this scene that it's because he was afraid, i'm just saying that the extent of his fears is something that shouldn't be swept under the rug, and that i feel it wasn't properly set up enough in s1 or DCAS as a replacement. yes it was showcased in DCAS but we never got an explanation as to Tom's thought process between seasons that would change his mind to make him more fearful.)

*several people are typing*

we NEED to see jaiden teaching Miriam a tiktok dance.

this is your daily reminder to not take anything that's said in a greeting too seriously.

c'mon, Fiore, a true gen Alpha-er would know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell without having to look it up. unless, oh god, is that too much of a gen-Z reference for gen Alpha to understand...?

HE'S SUCH A DAD I LOVE THEM

this was probably my favorite line of the episode.

this was a really cute detail! even though they were both the archetypal "old person" of their season, Connor is still, like, 20 years younger than Miriam. it totally make sense that she'd still call him kiddo! just, not grandkiddo.

literally even Ellie is rooting for them to finish this plotline already. or maybe she's just feeling guilty for separating them in the first place, and she's lowkey hoping that the damage wasn't that severe.

that's... that's a crime? you can't just burn people, even if they're terrible??? i guess that, given Riya attempting to kill Aiden and directly breaking Connor's leg further, the definition of what counts as a crime is pretty lax in this universe. unless it's about destroying the environment. thanks, Tom! (/j)

also, why is Yul's scar so damn low res?

MCDONALD'S ELLIE ISN'T CANON??? D:

i wonder if this season is going to end with Grett giving Ellie a job/helping Ellie get a job. i could see fitness influencer and fashion designer working together well, as long as Ellie is okay designing athleticwear.

on one hand, i don't like that we don't get to have the finalists pick the people that they're closest with help them in the finale. this feels rather random, and in terms of real-world fairness, having a finalist get stuck with terrible help isn't very fair (i cite Top Chef season 4 as my example). however, i do appreciate how Disventure Camp always mixes the endgame up. it's not very fair in a real-world perspective, but given that it isn't a real game i appreciate the variety.

i also think that this is a nice fix to really incentivize whoever is helping the finalist after (in-universe) we had two really unpopular finalists, Fiore and James, who struggled to get any help. it feels like a reasonable decision that the in-universe showrunners would make.

don't distract him during the finale, you fool!

the Romber strategy!!! wow, and it's even in the first All Stars season, too :D

THE YUL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS BACK ON?!?!?!?!

FIORE FINALE CONTENT! FIORE FINALE CONTENT!

ain't no way she's actually winning and of that $100K though, lol.

y'know, this might as well happen.

Riya and Yul really are perfect for each other (platonic) because every time that either of them gets a chance to either repent and be a good person or double down and keep relentlessly chasing their goals, they both always choose the latter. they're gonna get punished in the finale big time for sure... to the extent that Yul hasn't already been punished by getting that scar(?) to the face. like, seriously, that could be even more damage to his career.

once again, i missed the real Hunter so much :,)

while i love the roast here, does Fiore actually have anyone's respect...?

that's a wrap, folks! the most important character arc of the season is over!