#I originally drew these way way back in 2015

[astrosnax]

join us for a bite!

[amyoffline]

It's done! The outline for—

—is below the cut. The goal of this project is to explore the following phenomena with as much context and nuance as I can manage, tracing our history over the past 15 years:

What about us, and what about Dan and Phil, drew in and continues to draw in a very specific audience. If they are a ranch metaphor, we are a pizza metaphor 🥗🍕🫶🏻

Why we were Like That™, by which I mean so parasocially invested in them that we became, at times, the most annoying people on the internet. Much of that reputation is undeserved, and the videos on the phandom to date have been strongly negative. So, uh, I guess I'm going to put my face on camera and (mostly) defend us.

Reblog, share in your Discord servers, reply, or send me messages/anon asks with feedback or resources if you have any! Especially if your experience being in this fandom community has been dramatically different from mine. There are TIT spoilers near the end of the outline, but I'm not tagging because certain individuals seem to be lurking over there. Thank you!

Chapters:

Full outline:

introduction

cold open

felt personally attacked by jonathan haidt's last press tour

showed up to the phrenaissance 11 months late

had an unexpectedly strong response to their new content, needed to find out why

what the hell are we doing here?

- phenomenology (academics are professionally insufferable) - research question 1: what drew the audience in? - research question 2: why were we Like That™?

what we're NOT doing here

- a strict content analysis or "wow we sucked" video - providing sources for things best left uncirculated, thank you

reflexivity (personal biases)

- american zillennial in public health - in the youtube audience by spring 2010 - lurking in the phandom on tumblr 2013-2015, back* since 2019 - fan behavior i did and did not engage in

(----): truly necessary background information, i swear

(pop) cultural trends, tech, and their intersection

- nerd/geek identity and the first online weirdos - broadcast tv & the music industry vs the internet - defining "emo" - blogging & vlogging - early internet comedy

broader social/economic trends

- so the U.S. economy collapsed in 2007 - a decade that sucked except for rom-coms and square enix games - the flip/slide phone + digital camera + mp3 player loadout

(05-8): early youtube and early phil

youtube: a great video uploader without a clear purpose

the content on the website

- crossposts, corporations, and creative/social outlets - omg guys it's amazing phil - contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: justin bieber

the audience of "early adopters"

contemporary social media sites and forums

(2009): origin story

a wild dan appears… in the comments

the global constant that is teenagers being messy online

daring my old school district to sue me

- "one town's war on gay teens" (literal rolling stone headline!) - epidemiology 101: rates of… ugh… "unaliving" oneself - ways kids cope when it seems no adults will help them

the earliest days of dan & phil

- hello internet + pinof - a chronically overexamined timeline - file deleted ---* so how big WAS the audience at the time? ---* acceptable funny/edgy language was just different

contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: lucas cruikshank

omg it's meeeeeee

- how amy & friends were using youtube - ways i was just destined to end up here - being in social environments with peers 3-6 years older

(2010): is it "twenty-ten" or "two thousand ten?"

youtube is a platform about to explode in popularity

- the algorithm before it was The Algorithm™, lost site features - let's take a trip through the wayback machine :3c - actual dan & phil content in 2010 - the green brothers found vidcon - contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: darren criss

social media: also about to explode in popularity

- facebook was cool at the time, believe it or not - law of equivalent exchange: 2010 amy cringe compilation - the birth of instagram and pinterest - youtube slash livejournal (the first phanfics… sort of) - shockfic and its place in the overton window

the beginning of "the great rewiring" as haidt calls it

- ways social media is about to dramatically change - third spaces become online spaces - confounding variable: changing expectations of teens

(2011): the end of an era, the start of an age

a very long tangent on fandom and pop culture

cultural exchange

counterculture and teenagers as concepts

the first british invasion: the 1960s

- beatlemania and its descendents - moral panic about the virtue of tween/teen girls - tv/film/fashion trends being imported from the uk - in parallel, star trek births the modern fandom

the second british invasion: the 1980s

- synth/new pop that came out of the punk movement (hi, emo?) - confined mainly to music and fashion - cool britannia

it's harry freakin' potter

- absolute titan of pop culture influence - the rise of online fandom: examining the horrors ---* what is "wank" ---* flaming, sockpuppeting, and general cyberbullying ---* censorship: ffnet purges, boldthrough, & strikethrough ---* other fandom shenanigans of the time (yaoi paddles, anyone?)

harry potter's over. now what?

- for those who needed coming-of-age hero's journeys ---* twilight and YA dystopia waiting in the wings ---* some pretty iconic tv shows start or hit their stride ---* the mcu's phase one ---* takeaway: the rise of "geek culture" generally - for those who just wanted to go to hogwarts ---* doctor who & the wider world of bbc programming ---* british vloggers, you say? where? on youtube? brb--

end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming

dan & phil in the first half of 2011

- a continuation of 2010… for now - the videos - british pancakes as a case study of bad fan behavior

streaming and social media

- the birth of snapchat, twitch, and younow - netflix starts developing original programming - multi-channel networks (mcns) - digitour

dan & phil in the second half of 2011

- and they were roommates (omg they were roommates) - fantastic foursome - youtube glitches out - the super amazing project - the first proper baking video + wait, is that the bbc?

~ baking interlude 1: christmas cookies ~

the family sugar cookie (sorry, delia)

amy's 2011

(2012): why is anyone nostalgic for this

the transition from desktop to mobile

- massive growth in smartphone ownership 2011-2015 - things one might do on mobile one might not do on desktop - non-online ways smartphones changed being a youth™

what is tumblr and why is my child using it

- how the site is meant to work - fandom, memes, aesthetics, and SOME public figures - want to be anxious and depressed in peace? come to tumblr - this site seems a little……… gay ---* tumblr's very queer, very neurodiverse userbase ---* legacy media representation in 2012: bad! ---* actual academic research on tumblr users (yes, it exists) - the tumblr experience for non-native english speakers

amy becomes a vibrating mass of panic and paranoia

- in context of the above - additional rant about the american public school system

the growing dan & phil audience

- investigating the origin of the term "phannie" - more collaborations = more viewers - more video uploads = more /invested/ viewers - younow and interacting with fans - watch time replaces clicks in the algorithm

online etiquette, or lack thereof

- mid-transition from the 2000s to the 2010s - "professional internet celebrity" is still basically brand-new - lack of boundaries - various ways to be an asshole online - unsupervised kids simply do not engage in best practices

the end of 2012

- dan and phil move to london - wikipedia vandalism - tiptoeing around a top contender for the phandom's greatest sin - super amazing project DONE, now it's BBC RADIO TIME

(2013): arguably the most important year

- wait. what's that six-second video platform over there--

[amy's curated vine compilation]

- a new wave of internet comedians (read: future youtubers) - the zillennial lexicon - other platforms start emphasizing short-form video content - magcon

emo is BACK - well, sort of

- fob hiatus ends, mcr breaks up. my god. you had to be there - more open ties to nerd/geek culture than in the 2000s - these things once again intersect at dan and phil

dan and phil in the first half of 2013

- siri, what's a "sex symbol?" why are you booing me i'm right-- - d&p are everywhere - radio shows, interviewing, hosting - youtube uploads on their individual channels

rapidly changing cultural attitudes towards queerness

- gay marriage will be legal in places other than canada soon - a lot of assimilationist rhetoric though tbh - parallels to the pop feminism of the decade

hey kids, let's talk about compulsory heterosexuality!!

- what is it and why do people do it - academic, tumblr-level, and anecdotal research - the dannies, the phillies, and the phannies

amy

- the closet™ - mental health stigma - 2013 dnp posts from my main blog

dan and phil in the second half of 2013

- subscriber milestones, vidcon - joint content before the gaming channel - phandom starts having a major presence outside tumblr

(2014): achievement unlocked!

it's time to talk about rpf

- definitions (a chance to be annoyingly pedantic) - academic perspectives and fan discourse on the ethics - when the subjects clearly aren't fine with it - so… we can acknowledge "shipping phan" was different, right? ---* sometimes the subjects are fine* with it, actually ---* how dan and phil started to handle the shipping ---* obvious differences between phan and other rpf ships ---* sharing my favorite passages as a first-time phanfic reader

dan and phil in 2014

- wikipedia vandalism 2: electric boogaloo - bbc request show → internet takeover - the 7 second challenge - youtube content, subscriber milestones, rewind - cons and award shows

tumblr reaches the peak of its influence

- yahoo's attempts to monetize the userbase - buzzfeed and aggregators steal our jokes and bait our clicks - legacy media dangles carrots and uses us for free marketing - the legend of korra breaks TV precedent, almost out of nowhere - the tumblr user experience ---* on mobile, without xkit ---* on desktop, with xkit ---* 2014 dnp posts from my main blog

gamergate and its long shadow

- trolling, renewed and revamped - algorithms push increasingly extreme content - the broad conservative backlash conglomerate - increased normalization of conspiracism in general

my greatest sin [not clickbait] [very funny]

- so, circling back to comphet… - the actual story

anyway, let's talk about danandphilgames

- a star is born: dil howlter - different types of gaming content on youtube at the time - why did 17yo amy not subscribe? well…

~ baking interlude 2: chocolate cupcakes ~

make your own frosting. it freezes well

roasting myself further

(2015): it's not queerbaiting when it's real people

facebook "pivots to video"

- mark zuckerberg lied. water is wet - causes other platforms to REALLY double down on video - the birth of musical.ly - corporate-branded creators (read: future youtubers)

queerbaiting enters mainstream public consciousness

- academic origins - early fannish and acafan writing - johnlock, destiel, and sterek - statistics 101: type i error, type ii error, and queerbait

dan, phil, and the phandom

- bbc, cons, & the brits - danandphilcrafts - phan conspiracies ---* japhan ---* body language experts ---* timeline truthers ---* floor plan investigators ---* no but seriously imagine it - regular youtube uploads ---* solo content ---* joint content ---* subscriber milestones, rewind - tatinof uk and tabinof ---* on "selling out" ---* revisiting the statistics 101 lesson: now with real people! ---* never meet your heroes (unless they're dan and phil)

amy's (temporary) exit from the phandom

- it's legal adulthood with a steel chair!! - growing discomfort with some fans' behavior - 2015 dnp posts from my main blog - the closer: final fantasy vii

(2016): season finale

vine's imminent demise

- content platforms behaving badly - content creators behaving badly

youtube after "the great rewiring" (as haidt calls it)

- version 1.0 of the modern youtube algorithm ---* deep neural networks for dummies ---* what's holding creators accountable, or not - advertising and sponsorships ---* basically every child and youth™ is watching now ---* the battle for our attention ---* regulators start to crack down on undisclosed ads - the rise of drama/tea content (and later, channels) ---* youtubers are now seen as regular celebrities ---* dan and phil as the butt of other youtubers' jokes ---* baiting the phandom for engagement

tatinof us and aus

- a proven new model for live show tours - show & documentary released to youtube red (now premium) - [sigh] the tour bus

sea change in online fandom

- the newer, sometimes queerer media in korra's wake ---* better and more representation in live-action tv shows ---* voltron (i'm sorry!!!) ---* the mystic messenger craze ---* alice oseman & heartstopper - the new dynamics of #discourse ---* proship is to anti as phannie is to phanti ---* the bad behaviors of the 00s get a new coat of paint ---* new, though: fans harassing creators ---* a personal note on ace discourse

dan and phil presence off-tour

- the internet takeover ends - regular content, subscriber milestones

so. uh. current events.

- brexit - sorry the united states is a font of chaos - ripple effects

closing out the year

- amy finally gets an anxiety diagnosis and treatment! hurray! - dapgo, rewind - bbc radio awards & the boncas - gamingmas

(2017): time for a rebrand

tangent - sit down!!! buckle up!!! today's lecture is on PSIs & PSRs!!!

"parasocial" as defined by the current zeitgeist

- summing up youtubers' and laypeople's opinions (not dan's) - an unfairly negative stance overall, imo

older academic literature

- the 1956 paper (yes, 1956) - with traditional celebrities - with fictional characters

current academic literature

- with youtubers and other content creators - positive effects on the audience - negative effects on the audience - broader societal implications

fandom spaces as a parasocial experience

- parasocial and truly social interactions with each other - phandom as a supportive, welcoming space for oddballs - what research i can find about neurospicy folks, + anecdotes - me and everyone else on planet earth move to discord

inherent transactionality

- the nature of celebrity - positive effects on creators - negative effects on creators

reexamining early phandom through a parasocial lens

- the good, the bad, and the ugly - the role audience demographics played in all of this - entering, exiting, and remaining in the phandom

end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming

vine is well and truly dead

- some had prepared to become primarily youtubers (smart) - some move to musical.ly, insta, facebook, or snap (less so)

the sun sets on danisnotonfire

- i am very normal about dan's hobbit hair, i swear. - the last dnp content before the rebrand - new apartment, new floor plan investigations

adpocalypse now

- youtube has become the village elder of platforms ---* increased scrutiny, increased responsibility ---* some youtubers had been getting away with !#$!#@% - the scandals ---* pewdiepie + logan paul ---* elsagate and being "family- friendly" (read: ad-friendly) - censorship and monetization ---* adsense revenue goes down as advertisers pull out ---* the glory days of posting whatever and making bank are over

amazingphil and ~daniel howell~

- youtube & younow content - that week in march - vacations and conventions - conjoined baking and the concept of a "soft launch" - daniel & depression → dan as a mental health advocate - truth bombs, ii announcement, rewind

(2018): the phandom vs the hiatus they told us not to worry about

interactive introverts

- "giving the people what they want" - in hindsight… - let's talk about dnp fans from the global south

youtuber burnout

- it wasn't just dan: (more examples than header fits) - the old model was simply not sustainable - newer contributing factors - research on burnout, plus personal anecdotal experience

other dan and phil content

- younow/rize lives - dan's last videos before… you know… - phil's solo content in 2018 (quiff!!) - pinof → wdapteo - the gaming channel

other stuff happening online and in the world

- youtube raises the barriers to monetization - many "pivot to video" creators are now independent - the modern youtuber's multiple streams of income - continuations of societal trends in 2016 - musical.ly becomes tiktok - notable: she-ra and the princesses of power

the hiatus™: part myth, part reality

- how long dan was actually offline - major confounder: tumblr implodes almost overnight - major confounder: perception of content density from '13-'16 - major confounder: rapidly maturing audience - major confounder: our temporal awareness is about to go way ↓↓

~ baking interlude 3: scotcheroos ~

minnesotans and their obsession with "bars"

amy has one last existential crisis (you know, to date)

(2019): demolishing the closet with a nail bat

phil videos in the first 5 months of this very important year

basically i'm gay

- my thoughts - its legacy in the canon of "coming out" stories - multiple things can be true at once

coming out to you

- my thoughts - its legacy in the canon of "coming out" stories - why phil waited (actual explanations, speculation)

amy's 2019

- return to the audience, not really to the phandom (rip tumblr) - strange coincidence that i also had a major life transition

dan and phil: still here, freshly queer

- twitter becomes the main nexus of phandom, by default - regular phil uploads + brief return to younow - vidcon

(2020): go home and stay there

so it's a goddamn global public health crisis

- infectious disease perspective - effects on overall well-being of adults - effects on kids and teenagers (sorry to all of you) - political and economic impacts

hitherto unforeseen levels of online content consumption

- tiktok replaces basically all short-form video content - yet another wave of new (otherwise unemployed) youtubers - you're watching a video essay. these got really popular now. - being young and isolated: thoughts from younger phannies

the Content™ bc that's the one word we use for this now

- phil's videos - when dan is around - that attitude magazine interview - pour one out for the phil solo project(s) the panini wrecked

further political disaster… avoided?

- checking in on the state of social issues previously discussed - unfortunately,

(2021): welcome to the 2020s, we have lingering trauma

THE PHOUSE?!?!?

- social media posts - the stereo shows

other dan and phil videos

- phil's solo videos - gay and not proud - hometown showdown - other joint videos - phil's #shorts (sounds normal in american english)

panini updates

- vaccines soon, uwu??? + entrenched misinformation - pros and cons of remote work - pros and cons of remote school - pros and cons of remote socializing

you will get through this night

- younger me really could have used this book too, dan - thoughts as a professional in a related field - reflecting on some of my more unique circumstances

daring my old school district to sue me (again!!)

- updates: racism and transphobia - updates: right-wing freaks take over the school board again - residents vote against improving mental health resources

(2022): dan returns (still not on fire)

hey so politics are um getting worse

- americans lose the right to reproductive freedom ---* the quickest of histories on where these freaks came from ---* this shit kills people. - trans kids become the punching bag of culture war discourse ---* fuck off! (gently) ---* fuck off! (i have a knife) ---* checking in on terf island

we're all doooooooooooooooomed

- dystopia daily my beloved - the style, the substance, the metatextual analysis-- - not everyone loved it, though. why? - the promo - dan on tour + sister daniel

amy's 2022

- i got covid - then i got long covid: brain fog, pots-like symptoms

some more news (i will work on my warmbo impression)

- dan joins tiktok + danisnotinteresting uploads - phil: uploading less, busy doing remote crisis management - twitter is acquired by an idiot jackass - heartstopper on netflix! ---* the show and what it means to people ---* drama (revisiting "real people can't queerbait") ---* why this has anything to do with the phandom

~ baking interlude 4: cinnamon rolls ~

- lovingly, recipe changes and corrections :) - if i have an opinion about anything, it's sweet yeasted breads

(2023): the phrenaissance

phil

- joins tiktok! - youtube uploads through september - what even is phannie tiktok. i've never used this app. help.

dystopia daily b-sides

- dan memes of 2022 - the 2023 dystopia daily episodes

amy: the doctoral candidacy process

- purgatory, privilege, poverty, and free pizza - checking in on what this is like outside the united states

pretending the panini is over

- complaining about post-adpocalypse censorship standards - honest take about "giving up" on covid - who gets the short end of the stick

the youtube algorithm is BAD and UNINTELLIGENT, actually,

- unhinged rant about not hearing about the gaming rephrival - because i was offline from other platforms. like, @amyoffline.

pov: you are a phannie (not me) on october 15th

- what i was doing on october 15th - saying goodbye forever, spooky week, and november - gamingmas - phil uploads through december

(2024): fifteen years of terrible, terrible influence

hey what the fuck is going on

- dan and phil ---* joint and phil videos ---* jokes they never would've made ten years ago ---* a collection of emotional posts about how far they've come ---* people want fun and silly content again. we'll get to why ---* nostalgia, hope, and other warm and fuzzy feelings - the phandom ---* ancient parasocial attachments, reactivated instantly ---* people are way more normal now. let's discuss why ---* tumblr vs twitter vs tiktok phandom

we're all doomed, youtube version

- my thoughts - thoughts on "dan should/shouldn't" do video essays - i can't objectively evaluate anything he makes bc [gunshots]

terrible influence tour

- legally phlonde - the concept: healing one's inner child / taking it back - we gotta talk about phannies in the global south again - no but seriously imagine it? ---*ogres are like onions, they have LAYERS ---* [placeholder for whatever does(n't) happen]

anglosphere current events once again

- the likely us tiktok ban - the tories get fired - [placeholder for whichever hell americans manifest] - witnessing genocide and feeling powerless

ffx full-circle moment to the intro of this video essay

- the night i found out they came back - why i am doing this, now with context - reflections on a nearly 15-year (parasocial) relationship

whatever youtube uploads we get during fall/december

AMY SEES TIT (nov 14)

- the vibes at the phamily reunion - buying merch to apologize for eternal ublock origin use - how much should i document?? (not during the show) - phanspiracies confirmed - atlanta confessions - favorite bits - the alternate universe where i went to tatinof and/or ii

(2025): the horrors persist, but so do we

whatever 2025 content is out while i'm still working on this

our parasocial social club

- let me be philosophytube for a second ---* every interaction has a parasocial element ---* what are we obligated to do as a phandom, actually? ---* as people who parasocially care about these two dorks? ---* what else should we be doing socially to be at our happiest? - "they're my gay uncles" vs "i'm a little in love, even now" ---* riffing about the boundary/overlap between these camps ---* sibling reads me for filth in a single text (sister daniel...) ---* at least we're all in this together

what's going to continue to draw people in

- grown adults drawing our cat whiskers back on - updates on queer/nd kids - updates on anxiety/depression rates - updates on tech and the broader environment of content - world still feels doomed

tangent - the "hard launch" and why people want it

what are people referring to, exactly

- general definition and other examples - when it comes to dan and phil - maybe they hard launched already and we just missed the memo

the ludonarrative of phandom

- if you got here early on - if you got here in the mid-2010s - if you got here after they came out - if you got here post-hiatus - final fantasy comparison: ffvii's chokehold over first-timers

a rom-com for the ages

- the tropes in play - brief tangent on the evolution of the genre - queer romantic comedies - final fantasy comparison: ffviii's plot and squall/rinoa

phriends… or…

- wholesome influence, slice-of-life - projection - final fantasy comparison: ffxv's gameplay loop, the chocobros

humans don't like ambiguity

- from a media perspective (narrative tension) - research from the hard sciences - final fantasy comparison: fanille ---* the first gay final fantasy characters, actually ---* ffxiii's character development process ---* fang and vanille in the text. brb, clawing at the walls ---* so, if anyone is looking for a phyuri au prompt…

tl;dr: reality is not fiction. make peace with not "knowing"

end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming

the phuture

- phil's big solo project when??? - dapg is just the joint channel now - youtube has changed since when dan last "regularly" uploaded - nothing lasts forever, and that's okay

~ baking interlude 5: ranch + pizza ~

- ranch propaganda and ranch metaphors - showing off my dough and sauce skills

conclusions

- a lot has happened in 15 years - [placeholders: don't write your conclusions before you do your research]

Proof this project can only be done in consultation with Tumblr: no other platform we're on could accommodate a post of this length and formatting detail lol

[holy-reference-in-a-username]

Hi, random comment but Holy shit your half-transformed Monster Tom with the mouth in his chest is so fucking cool! Also, monsterfucker Tord is so real! Can only imagine Tord's reaction when he saw Tom like half-transformed for the first time.

THANK YOU! im like. super happy with how i draw tom, monster form ABSOLUTELY included. i put like. way too much thought into it lmao but ive always been a fan of unique creature designs so what else is new.

RRRAAH RAMBLINGS UNDER THE CUT

so ive been obsessed with the concept since i figured out what exactly happened during PowerEdd, ~2015. tom was kind of already my favorite but i only got more obsessed now that i could draw him with claws and fangs now.

(lmao old art^ lets all point and laugh)

when i finally got back into eddsworld this most recent time and started thinking about how i'd draw the guys i already knew i wanted tom to be trans, so when i started sketching i drew him with top surgery scars... which kind of looked like teeth... and the canon monster design already has a mouth on its chest/head... it just worked!!

...

ok tangent time- i dont like the canon design very much (the combined head/torso is Very limiting for poses. F!!!) but i also have never really liked the popular fanon of just making monster tom a wolf with horns and a single eye. it always feels so reductive!! do you KNOW how many monsters there are out there who are just "big dog/cat plus one fantastical feature"???? MANY!! so i was pretty determined to find a design i liked (one that was both flexible and fairly unique) before putting it in anything.

...and the partial transformation cliche of just putting accessories on a character is SUPER boring to me. so i wanted something that would be an actual halfway point to a fucked up freaky creature that is only barely humanoid.

ok back on track it took me like fuckin forever to finally get the final ~50% design together. i tried mimicking the merged torsohead of the canon monster and it just left me disappointed. :/

the single blank eye instead of the rest of the face was a god damn GENIUS move i am so proud of it im pretty sure the first time i drew the design was the actual draft sketch for the comic. because fuck making reference sheets!! the design's in your mind, right???

oh! as for the second half of your ask, the first time Tord saw Tom half transformed was right here^^!!

then a couple weeks after that i managed to find a 100% design i liked that still looked like a reasonable end point. at which point i actually made a little ref sheet! BEFORE i used the design in a comic!! it hasnt gotten much use but i still like it :)

i took a much more wyrm-like horizontal approach as opposed to the vertical design of the original, but the arms (connected to top of spine, directly behind head) and legs (close to the bottom, optional) allow it to still match the original's body plan, especially from the front view. then extra legs, big spiky scales, even larger mouth... because who wants just a dog with horns am i right!!

ahaha so basically im incredibly proud of how the design turned out so thank u for liking it :))

[applestoashes]

An update on Apples to Ashes

Hi, it's Prima, the creator and sole developer of Apples to Ashes.

Wow, it's been two years since I conceptualized Douglas and the idea for a visual novel. I think about how much has changed for me personally since March 2022, the different things that have happened to and for me. It's hard to sum it all up into a few words, but to put it plainly, there's been a lot of hardships I've encountered in my personal and professional life since starting this journey, along with some blessings that kept me going along the way.

When I first dreamed up this concept, I was experiencing a lot of new things. I was participating in fandoms for other indie "yandere" VNs, I was drawing a shit ton and garnering a following. I was actually becoming the active, well known artist I'd been striving to become since around 2015. I was so inspired and, somehow along the way, I gained the attention and respect from a lot of other creators. It was so insane to think so many talented people cared about what I was making, considered me worth following, etc.

That only grew as time went on, especially when I started the A2A project. From that point, I watched in absolute shock as people engaged with my own ideas, drew my own characters. They were hyped for this visual novel, they wanted to know more. Douglas started to get associated and drawn with other indie VN characters. This feeling of being put beside all these other amazing creators was disorienting to say the least.

Due to a lot of things I've been through, it feels like the magic wore off a bit. A lot of the drive I experienced at the peak of 2022 kind of plateaued, and... lots of things changed for me. I started taking commissions, I started doing more than just art, like getting back into video editing and voice acting. I got hired by a studio, I got a lead role in another visual novel. I told myself that I can do all these things that I want to, despite the additional need to work a regular job, and the fact that ADHD VERY much has hands. Financial hardship and mental illness... double homicide

A lot can change in two years. My inspirations for the setting in A2A came from my experiences with a job I had at the time. Well, needless to say I've had a few jobs since then, and been through a few very... jading experiences. The person I was when I conceptualized Apple to Ashes and the person I am now are two different people. I was very bright-eyed and inspired, especially by my peers. I wanted to attempt to do something I'd dreamed of for a long time: make a visual novel, and it felt possible, tangible.

I've learned a lot since then. There's a lot that goes into making a game, especially considering I'm largely pursuing it alone. Due to that, and the choices I've made, the things I've been through, Apple to Ashes progress has largely been halted. I feel a lot of pressure to make it something satisfying for everyone that's given love to this project. I feel a lot of guilt about the lack of progress, and feel like I'm earning the ire of people who are tired of waiting, or perhaps losing any momentum or interest I had originally garnered.

All that being said, I'm not saying all this to come to the conclusion that this project is canceled. It's not. I want this story to come to fruition. I want to give everyone waiting the experience they deserve. I want to reach the full potential this concept offers. I want to explore the themes I've attached, use the experiences I've had and witnessed. I want to bring light to these issues using this medium.

The TLDR of this is... Apples to Ashes will happen when it happens, but it is going to happen. To those of you who have offered your patience, I really appreciate it more than I can put into words.

Thank you for reading.

[wigglebox]

Follow up [x]

If you click the link and go to the original post made in 2015, you'll see in the tags how I felt insecure about what I was doing and how my art style never felt like my own.

And I've seen others, particularly newer or younger artists (but sometimes seasoned ones as well!) who talk about how they feel like their style changes every day and that they don't know how to make a consistent style and how they don't feel like what they draw is truly their own.

At this point, I'm convinced this is just something we all have to go through.

The art that I used to get me into art school back in 2009 was heavily inspired by Tim Burton. Every year after that (and I dropped out of art school in 2010) I just felt like I couldn't get ahold of a style of my own.

But in 2021, after a handful of years where I more or less gave up on any art muse or any real art in general (other than some doodles on my phone), I drew this (on said phone):

And from October 2021 to now, June 2024 we've gone from that to this:

Even in the last three years my style has changed but I've finally been on the highway of "A Style That Feels Like My Own" so even changing a lane here and there doesn't take me off there.

So when I saw this 2015 post in which I lamented the fact that I felt like I didn't have my own style, I found art that inspires rather than makes me feel bad, my voice, the medium that I work best with, and how to implement resources and references in a way that works.

I wanted to follow up on that 2015 post because I feel like many of us get into this spot when it comes to our art.

Your art is an expression of yourself, and you'll eventually find your voice! There's no time limit.

[datura-tea]

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen's The Way echoes Tata steelworks reality

When Michael Sheen was filming clashes between steelworkers and riot police in his home town Port Talbot, little did he know 2,000 jobs at its steelworks would be at risk by the time it premiered.

"We had no idea when we were developing the story what would be happening at the steelworks when this came out," he said.

"It's incredibly unfortunate that the story we've written has come bizarrely very close to the truth."

Speaking ahead of The Way's premiere at Port Talbot's Reel Cinema, he insisted the three-part BBC drama - originally conceived in 2016 - was a fictional story and not about the Tata steelworks.

"But obviously, knowing the town, knowing the relationship the town has with the steelworks, knowing the insecurities and the anxieties that have always been there in my lifetime around employment and work there - that was part of what drew us to setting the story in this town," said Sheen, 55, who both directed and starred in the drama.

He said Port Talbot's steelworks was the "spiritual centre of the town" and "part of our DNA" and the news of job losses had been "devastating".

The Way is written by James Graham, created by Sheen, Graham and documentary filmmaker Adam Curtis and stars a number of Welsh actors.

The cast includes Steffan Rhodri (Steeltown Murders and Gavin & Stacey), Mali Harries (Hinterland), Sophie Melville (The Pact), Callum Scott Howells (It's a Sin) and Mark Lewis Jones (Men Up and Keeping Faith).

Episode one sees growing concern over the future of the steelworks, leading to protests, which later turn to riots.

Some take to the streets to join the fight, others frantically try to escape or hide in their homes as helicopters fly overhead.

The streets become a warzone and the town is locked down by armed police.

With Port Talbot facing an uncertain future, could life imitate art?

"It's not like we're saying 'this is what you should do as a result of what's going on' by any means, but obviously I have huge sympathy for the steelworkers," said Sheen.

"In no way is this a blueprint to how people should react, but you don't know do you? I have no idea how people are going to react.

"People will try and be as resourceful and as positive about it as they possibly can I'd imagine because that is the spirit of the people in this place - but at the same time you don't know and people are very angry as well."

For Sheen, "everything" is political.

A long-term champion of the NHS, in 2015 he was applauded for delivering a passionate speech to a pro-NHS march in Tredegar, Blaenau Gwent, and he is currently in rehearsal for a National Theatre production about NHS founder Aneurin Bevan.

In 2019, he sold property to bankroll the Homeless World Cup in Cardiff when funding for the £2m project fell through at the last moment.

In 2020, the actor, who was born in Newport and raised in Port Talbot, said he had handed back his OBE so he could air his views about the monarchy without being a "hypocrite".

In 2021, he said he had turned himself into a "not-for-profit" actor, using the money he earned from acting to fund projects.

He has been vocal on a range of issues from children in care to Welsh independence.

Was he trying to make a political statement in The Way?

"Everything is connected, everything happens for a reason, things are the way they are in this town and any town not just by chance, it's because of choices and various things... I think inevitably this was going to be a political story," he said.

"Part of the reason why we wanted to set it here... we needed to feel there was a great sense of discontent amongst a lot of people in the place, a lot of anxiety, a lot of feeling of not having their voices heard."

He said when people were made to feel that they were not being listened to and did not matter "that sense of frustration and anger can boil over".

Sheen made his name as an actor initially in the theatre before winning acclaim as a screen actor playing real people from Tony Blair, David Frost, Kenneth Williams and Chris Tarrant to lead roles in series including Good Omens, Masters of Sex and Staged.

In 2011, he directed and starred in a 72-hour epic theatrical production of The Passion, which moved around different locations across Port Talbot drawing huge crowds and critical acclaim.

It is perhaps unsurprising that he would choose to make his TV directorial debut in the town too.

"[The Way] was definitely very personal," he said.

"I feel like I knew what I was filming and I felt anchored and connected to what was going on."

Sheen now lives near Port Talbot with his partner Anna Lundberg and their two children Lyra and Mabli.

"It's somewhere I inevitably keep coming back to and it's an endless source of inspiration," he said of the town.

"It's the source of all my imaginative explorations really because it's my home.

"It's where I grew up, it's where all the most important things happened to me, it's where my family still lives, it's where I now live again and as I've got older I've realised more and more how important the beginning of my life was and all the opportunities people gave to me."

One of those people who gave him opportunities was Godfrey Evans, a drama teacher who helped shaped generations of actors through the West Glamorgan Youth Theatre and died in November, aged 82.

At the premiere across the road from the town's Aberavon Beach, Sheen dedicated the screening to both his former teacher and Port Talbot's steelworkers.

What are his hopes for those in his home town currently fearing for their jobs?

"Particularly at a time like this when there's so much anxiety and so much concern about the future it is so important to feel like you're supported and you can talk about what's going on and to find connection with other people who are maybe going through the same things," he said.

"We wish everyone the best and hope there's plenty of support for people in the future."

[y2khaos]

fnaf brainrot is back to the point i drew a fresh ref pic for the anthro version of springtrap i made way back in like mid 2015 that i drew all the fucken time back then

original design under the cut for reference! owo

this is the only real colored fullbody i still have of him LOL i used colors!live on my 3DS a lot at the time and my username there was literally Springtrap for at least a full year. basically used this version of him as my sona for a hot minute!! and this particular pic was my featured art on my profile

[pastel-rights]

I LOVE your art style! How did you came up with it?

huh? my art style??? uhhh, i mean i uhhhh if you want, i can explain how I got to this point but. sometimes, things just. happen yknow???

honestly my old art compared to the more recent of what I've done probably looks. very very jarring side by side since it looks like it was drawn by completely different people lol. For example, look at this early 2017 character concept verse a late (November) 2024 character concept.

It's. Definitely a lot to take in so uhm. Buckle up! [cue a heavy metal version of bye-bye-bye playing for atmosphere reasons]

So, I've been drawing as a hobby since about... 2009 give or take? However, the earliest art I have on hand is probably from... 2016 or 2015 tbh??? Although, I only really started keeping a fr fr log of my art from 2019 and onwards so, let's start with what I actually have to show.

It's all about the basics, anon!

Growing up, my art was inspired by the shows I watched growing up! in particular, shows like "Codename: Kids Next Door" and "Tom and Jerry" were my rock in childhood times (since I wasn't allowed to watch Spongebob until I was much older and a majority of my "childhood" tv shows didn't start airing until later in my life, like Bubble Guppies (which aired in 2011) and Team Umizoomi and Octonauts (which both released in 2010) which, by then, the television was run by my younger brother's needs mostly, and I didn't get a say.)

So, I guess you could say my art was inspired by those two shows mostly???? of course, not... fully? hold on let me show you guys the earliest art I have to work with here-

these are all from 2019 since it's the furthest back I was able to save my art but. Looking at it, it doesn't look like it was inspired in the way artists are normally inspired by their environment. At least, that's not how it feels to me.

my art at this point was very... a lot of it was traditional in comparison to now, for starters. The color grades are completely off, the lining is. interesting. A lot of one shot one result type of shenanigans. Of course, it shares its origin with my childhood entertainment in general, which is being very cartoonish in style! On traditional grounds, I fucked around with a lot of different methods, some just pencil, some with markers, blah blah blah yada yada yada.

which, character design is my passion /ref if you couldn't tell. but my art style has always been very cartoonish and stylized, even in my earliest days. Big eyes, wild hair styles, noodly limbs, you know, the cartoonist hallmarks! If nothing else, my art style is more reflective of who I am as a person?? like the cartoons that formed me, it's very expressive and full of color and whimsy and in its own way, it's my way of thanking the world that taught me happiness and joy, and I draw to give others that same feeling.

Whether that be my friends' OCs or silly shitposts, I draw for the joy others get seeing it! Here look at this picture of my friend (@sxftriina)'s OC, Ocean, I draw way way back when lol

...

but at some point, I realized. My art didn't make me happy anymore. I didn't have fun drawing anymore. and it just became more of a chore to make than a fun hobby or a good time. I couldn't find the joy in art anymore. And I couldn't create anything I was proud of either.

I got stuck. It didn't matter what I drew, what things I tried. I couldn't make myself happy again. and while my art might not have suffered.

I did.

art was nothing more than a chore. something I had to do because I wasn't good for anything else.

and it made me severely depressed, among other things happening during those times.

so what does a burnt out depressed artist do in crisis times??????????

...

he joins tumblr, of course.

I wish I was joking. I'm not.

anyways so it was like 4am and I was like "let me join tumblr why the hell not maybe I'll find something there" and uhm. well I didn't find anything initially. and every day was as depressing as the last, and I eventually just. felt like giving up. I ran an askblog and drew a ton still because while it made me unhappy, I felt unhappier just. doing nothing. Lesser of two evils I suppose?

that was until I uh. I met someone really special to me. Even now.

if you're reading this, uh. hi lupi!

This was around the time I found Identity Five at the end of 2020, and began drawing fanart for the game, which restored... some joy to art? Not completely, but, I wasn't so miserable drawing during this time of my life. It felt like a chore still, but, at least now I was having some semblance of fun doing it. Not completely fun though... I was still stuck in a funk. I didn't know why.

And then, I met Lupi. At the time, she was following me through her askblog account (she still does) and I got curious and decided to check it out for myself and. I think if I never checked out Lupi's blog that day, my art wouldn't have taken the direction it did, and, I would have never regained my love for my craft.

Of course, I feel silly even talking about it so... I took a different direction with my art after scrolling through Lupi's art, which sometimes I'll do, even to this day just for fun sake. And this time... I don't know.

It just felt different this time. It wasn't the best, and it certainly wasn't easy either. But for the first time in over a year... I had genuine fun drawing again. No negative feelings attached.

Just... fun.

A lot of fun at that. A lot of things from this era of my style stuck. Like... a looooot. My color choices, my mini style, the flow, a lot of what I learned from this era stuck with me, even now.

it retains so much of the past yet it means so much more. it's still cartoonish, still small and squashed, funky hairstyles, noodle limbs, fun clothing... the whole nine yards.

Of course... this is only 2021 art. My art now, while similar... it's not the same. And it's all thanks to ONE RED HAIRED MOTHERFUCKER. not ginger, red haired. apples are red, not orange. /ref

It was the first time in. several years that I've drawn something just for me. Even if it was something small and silly while waiting for an after-school activity to start. It was something I remember really fondly, a feeling that wasn't just fun but. actual joy.

Not only that but, for as simple as it is, it marked the start of a very, very... very long long of stylization like never before. You take what makes you happy... piece by piece, bit by bit...

you learn... you grow... you improve upon skills you have... body language, expression, detail... all those things. You meet some really cool people along the way... you talk, you laugh, you cry.

you get inspired and you want to show them something new, something cool... and in doing so, you make something you never thought was possible. Not with your skills, and not in a million years.

But, you learn. you laugh. you watch. you grow.

you figure out what you like. cool colors, fun dynamics, shading, lighting, storylines... things like that. you inspire others, and those people inspire you in turn.

you learn some cool new poses, you draw some fun fanart for your friends aus, you try new things and those end up sticking.

sometimes it's just you and one other person, who stuck through, watching you draw until a piece's very end. because they like you for you. and they care. sometimes they never leave your side, and they continue to inspire you to this very day.

you have fun with what youre doing. there's not really any need to rush, you know? you look at new media, you talk to the people you care about the most, you make things to surprise them with. and they're happy. and you're happy.

and you want to keep drawing.

but you can't forget to draw for yourself sometimes. something just for you that others can enjoy, but, it wasn't made for others. it was made because you love yourself and you deserve something special. it's important to draw what you want for yourself.

and sometimes, it becomes your staple.

you put your best foot forward, you give it everything you've got! because it's not a chore. it's fun. it's a hobby.

and it makes you happy. your art becomes recognizable, people compliment it and enjoy its presence. even in passing.

...

I love my art style too, anon. i know its been a long while of me talking. telling my story, my experience with my art. how it built me. how it ruined me. and how I found myself again.

I didn't know how to answer your question when I first got this ask.

Because, I didn't know how I came up with it. In my mind, it just happened. But, I think I have an answer for you now.

For real this time.

My art style is a culmination of everything and everyone I love. Navi, Pins, Beth, Yuu, Tae, Klai, Joe, Rina, Lupi, Four, pretty much everyone I surround myself with on a day to day basis. Bit by bit, piece by piece, my art style is fueled by the love I have for my friends.

Every improvement over the years has all been so I can show them something fun, something new. So I can keep surprising them with each new piece I do.

But, it's not just my friends.

It's you too, anon. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. Every like, every reblog, every comment and compliment. Every ask, every live reaction.

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me find my joy again. I hope I didn't disappoint.

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

Hey, you know that black and red costume I designed for Peter?

I thought of a better use for it.

I've been writing some stuff about Kaine that's based on Scarlet Spider (2012) (and in fact loosely follows parts of the plot lol) and I realized that it would make some amount of sense for Kaine to switch to something a little more goth-y after *checks notes* being eaten alive by werewolves, and then I was like, you know, I had that design I gave Peter... does he really NEED that suit??? he has like 8 other suit designs I can use...

so then I made the red pink because even in this I want to retain the pink as something he kind of can't bring himself not to use esp in the context of the way kaine is sexually othered (both canonically and in my AU) etc etc etc

edited this with my trackpad (lmao) so did not bother to try to do any shading...

anyway

(Scarlet Spider #13)

The all pink costume w/ the chromatic lenses (you can see the original lineup I did for Kaine: here) will still come into play but I think it will be an after thing. timeline being: pink tarantula costume in most of 2015 until it gets completely destroyed —> then a black costume for a few months at least into 2016 while his head is shaved —> then the pink one with the lensed mask and the open back for his hair when he starts to grow it out again.

the only tragedy of this is that i love the weird opaque-translucent lenses on the OG red and black suit i drew but

that type of light scattering and this kind of rubbery/neoprene-esque texture just would not make sense in context for Kaine. Alas. IDK if I'll be able to find a use for those lenses lol

the other suit lineups (for Ben, Peter and Kaine) are linked in my pinned post.

[classicsubliminalbo]

Rapture Part 1: Monica's Induction

Originally published Sep 7, 2015

Monica met the strange man that night at the club. He wasn't dressed like anyone else in the crowd and Monica could tell that he didn't belong there, no matter how hard he tried to play the part. He betrayed his cover in the way he wore his shirt buttoned up to the top of the collar, like his propriety would be in danger if he showed even a bit of his neck. She might have even taken him for Amish if he wasn't clean shaven. Normally Monica would laugh at someone so out of place, but there was something else about the young man that simply drew her in. All she could remember now were the shimmer of his eyes as they made contact. The following compulsion that carried her unconsciously from the bar to the man's booth.

She wasn't stupid, and Monica knew even as she stumbled over that this man was playing some serious mind games with her. But she was already pretty drunk, and her friends were boring her. At least this mystery mind-fucker seemed interesting.

"Who are you?" Monica asked, tough she was still caught in her daze. It was an exciting feeling, like nothing else she'd ever experienced. How was he doing this to her?

The man introduced himself as Todd, a missionary. She laughed and asked what kind of mission would bring him to the club scene, to which Todd replied, "Why go on vacation when I find plenty of lost souls here, in my own backyard?" At this point, Monica felt like she was starting to understand Todd's shtick. There were a lot of girls who would fall over themselves to get with a humanitarian-type like Todd, but Monica wasn't that kind of girl. Anyway, he was definitely overdoing the nice guy act. He was playing it way to puritan to be anywhere near appealing.

When Todd mentioned Rapture, Monica thought he was talking about another club. The last place she expected to end up that night was an abandoned church, but there she was, sitting in the front row of a dark sanctuary wondering how she had gotten there and why her head was pounding so hard. Monica's eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkness before a faint light at the altar began to glow. She looked up to see Todd's face flickering from the candlelight.

"I hope you'll forgive the lighting, dear," Todd said. "The power isn't on yet, but what do you think?" "W-where am I?" Monica stammered, not out of fear, but because she had genuinely forgotten how to talk in her haze. "My church," Todd smiled. "Rapture."

Monica had never felt this depleted in her life. She had so many questions for Todd, and there was a voice in the back of her mind telling her to run, but seeing the reflection of the candlelight in Todd's eyes was disarming. She felt paralyzed there on the bench, waiting for Todd to answer the questions she hadn't asked.

"We're going to build a congregation together, Monica." They were? Monica didn't even know Todd's last name, let alone the doctrine of his church. Why was he offering her such an important place in his church? "Todd," Monica tried to protest, but she couldn't find it in her heart to deny him. But why? Why was she feeling this desire to make him happy? She was too deep now to realize that Todd had been conditioning her all night. "Why...why do I feel so...strange...what are you...what are you doing to me...?"

Todd leaned down in front of her, and with a gentle "shush," he placed a single finger on her lips. His touch was electric, and it sent a shock through Monica's body that made her fall limp. Monica didn't know how much time passed as she lay there, but when Todd commanded her to awaken, her eyes snapped open, now shining as bright as her master's.

"You belong to me now, Monica," Todd said. "Do you understand?" "Yes," Monica replied on queue. "I belong to you." "You will be my loyal and obedient wife, and together we will deliver this world from its vices." "Yes, my lord. If it is your will, I must obey you."

[punksandcannonballers]

been doing fandom art so i had to do a quick self indulgent oc redraw too. the original on the right is the very first time i ever drew these two together way back in 2015, they've come so far :')

[sanguinesorcery]

4, 7, 10!

Don't Ignore the Man Behind the Curtain! || Accepting

4. What is your zodiac sign?

I've been told my birth sign is Virgo, but my rising sign is Scorpio. And I can see it; I have a volatile mix of the both of them. If you're looking for Chinese zodiac though, it's the Rat.

7. What drew you to writing your current character(s)?

The Sidhe were originally made for a forum community back in 2009, run by the same team who made the forum for Zone United, and the origin for the mainblog here as well [ @schwarzwaldcr ]. The admin team enjoyed my worldbuilding for the Schwarzwald Visitation Zone enough that they basically asked me to make a character/set of characters for a Legend of Zelda community they wanted to work on, featuring a different dynamic for Ocarina of Time. Originally, Fariah wasn't named Fariah, and she was only in company of about eight other NPCs at the time. That was the original Imperial Landfall set, but as the story progressed and people began expressing interest in what the Sidhe were for what little they saw of them, I was asked to start weaving their entire world together in the hopes new players and old would want to make Sidhe-based characters as well; since Hyrule is under Sidhe control in IL, it made sense more of the race would be seen around. Unfortunately, an internal fight with the admin team saw the full forum deletion of both Zone United and Imperial Landfall, but with pushing from friends I'd kept in contact with in IL, I did finish the Sidhe worldbuilding and lore to completion back then. They weren't reworked for Tumblr consumption until 2015/2016, when another dear friend of mine enabled me into making the first blog and though I've been in and out of the RPC since then, and recently remade the blog as a sideblog from the original. I just can't keep away from these tall seafaring assholes for long, they live rent free in my heart of hearts, though I thank a number of friends for pushing me to keep them alive. They'll stay alive until the end of time. I love them too much to drop them for too long.

10. What is your favorite fictional character (in or out of the current fandom)?

That's a hard one, actually. But I have a number of comfort characters I keep and do roleplay-ish for friends; they have their own sideblog as a multimuse as obscure as they are. Personally, I adhere a lot to Killy/Kyrrie from BLAME!, as well as to Guideau from The Witch and the Beast. Killy is kind of my fictional soulmate, and I mean that in a purely platonic way. He's ancient, his memory's falling apart, he's seen the world over and over in different forms and structures and likely sighs a little when new kids just Don't Get It. He forgets himself but never his objective. I hope he gets the rest he deserves, he needs it more than anything. Guideau fills my niche of Angry For Seemingly No Reason. Not a good person, but not a terrible creature either. She's emotionally stunted and adaptable and openly violent, and I'm here for that. A very different personage from Killy, for sure, but a comfort character nonetheless. I feel catharsis watching her beat the shit out of things. I have others, definitely, and I feel a kinship with many more in this day and age, but these two dictate how I see the world and its cynicist violence.

@gloryseized

[tophattrio]

TOP HAT TRIO ARCHIVES: Part 1

Warden: Look at all this lovely art of us! We could fill a museum! Professor: There's so much it seems like we can't keep up... Once-ler: ..... Y'kno what guys? I'm gonna take a break...

((A small fraction of my old old old trio art, most of which has never seen the light of tumblr (under the cut)! None of this is colored. Some of this is pre-blog or just... REALLY early-era Trio art, so some of it is... dated. Also, as indicated by the top, this is part 1. Meaning there will probably be more, LOL...))

((I hope it's okay if I ramble some fun facts in the middle of this!))

We're gonna start off with this silly lil doodle of the lads! This was drawn during the era where I did my silly crossover drawings, before I mustered the courage to turn them into an askblog.

Based on the date, I must've drawn this next one while I was in the process of actually making the blog... potentially their original "profile" images? Or just a doodle I did to get me hyped...

As you can see, all the drawings so far are pencil and ink... that's because (if I remember correctly) this is when I was VERY new to computer tablets! I felt more confident in my traditional art so I would slap quick colors onto the back of a bunch of ink-drawn replies and make minor adjustments with the tablet. I remember being hesitant to switch to a fully digital style since I felt the sketchiness was almost part of the style of trio? But I've come to accept change is good! Everything post-Greed M!A is all (or mostly) digitally lined (with the occasional trad sketch), but if you look closely at the trio in this (and many other) early-day responses, you can definitely see the pencil marks!

Unposted Thneedville High Trio!!! I was SO obsessed with the Once-ler Askblog AU's back in the Once-ler Fandom's hayday... they were a lot of fun to observe on the side and I wanted to be part of that in my small way, but unfortunately, I was a coward so I never did LOL... I'm thinking this was drawn in February or March 2013...

And, something I drew on the same page, Truffula Flu Trio!!!! I think I briefly thought about making it (and thneedville high) a sideblog but I felt like I couldn't commit for multiple reasons: (1) AU hype was dying down a little, (2) It was a bit too serious a concept for Trio; I wanted to keep them lighthearted and silly (covers bad end with a hand). And (3) I was still doubting whether or not my blog counted as a Once-ler blog (being only 1/3 once-ler) and whether I was valid to participate in events. Eventually I got over that fear when I joined Camp Weehawken and participated in the fandom revival of 2015, but the fear was definitely there at the very beginning and I hesitated to jump in on some stuff because of it!!

These were some of my earliest (unanswered) asks! I think for a while I thought I accidentally deleted the Pinkie Pie one, but it mysteriously came back one day?? I don't plan to finish these but might as well get some closure since I already drew them. I had to look up which troll typing was the one being used here so I might be wrong, I know nothing about homestuck except chapter 1 and 2 and whatever I osmosis from my mutuals LOL...

Peacock was drawn before I knew anything about Skullgirls...... within the past few years I recently watched her gameplay/storyline! She's defs a fun character. Trio are probs neutral about her. I'm not confident enough to do anything major with her, but I would love to cameo her more!

I got a few asks / M!A's about genderbent versions of the trio back in early 2013 and these were my doodles for that. The designs were based off of different designs floating around tumblr at the time that I liked. I'm not interested in doing this M!A anymore, but the dresses are cute!

Some glasses shenanigans I never posted for some reason?? (For reference: (1) (2) (3) (4).) It's silly stuff like this that make me realize Trio!Professor is a little bit like "Cheerful Mystery" Professor but like... waaaaay more tame HAHA (I never read the manga back then because I was upset they made Layton OOC, but from what I've seen he's... a lot more chaotic there). Which, ykno, good chance explains why Trio!Professor stays sane around Once-ler and Warden and their wacky selves.

Some wardlers and layclaires!! Also a few super old things I doodled out for Lovestruck M!A part 2 (including warden being a perv and oncie being flustered and confused, LMAO) but... idk if I have the energy to commit to it at the moment... partially bc thinking about getting an influx of shippy-type asks gets me overwhelmed and idk if I can commit to another magic anon all my magic anons manage to kill the blog somehow 😭, but ykno... saving the anons in my inbox in case I change my mind... Love these guys dearly regardless,,, <3

Some doodles of Layton and his rivals!! I think someone sent a small "Descole takes over the blog" M!A (hence the itty bitty chibi head LMAOO) but (again) I don't have the energy to commit to anything but vanilla THT right now. I still thought the idea was fun enough to draw out and anticipate in advance! If I change my mind y'all will know about it...

My first drawing of Wilson from Don't Starve!! I didn't even play Don't Starve at the time, but I wanted to do research if I was going to properly execute the magic anon and I fell in love with him immediately. Unfortunately he (and his game) became my new brainrot and I still feel really bad about that LAUGHS, but hey! Was worth it! Maybe someday I'll redo trio mods for DST...

I may have him cameo again, but potentially after his character update in Don't Starve Together eventually drops, of course, :3 chants give us lore lore loRE LORE-

Aaaaaand that's all I'm gonna show for now... until next time everyone!

PART 1 (you are here!) || PART 2 (TBA) || PART 3 (TBA) || …

[maraariana01]

LOOK WHO'S BACK! 🐻

[ Freddy | Bonnie | Chica | Foxy(WIP) ]

the faz squad AU is back babey!! and what better way to start this off than by redrawing the man himself! whew! it's been years since i last drew this Freddy :']

the fnaf movie really got me motivated to draw these guys again haha

comparison under the cut btw!

i drew the designs for this AU for the very first time somewhere around 2015, and boy......was my art BAD. skdhskdbdj

i happened to find the original drawing from back then and just for fun, here's the comparison!

do not ask me why i drew him grumpy i dont know myself lol

WHEW. THE GLOW UP!!!! yeah 13-14 year old me couldn't draw fat ppl if their life depended on it BSHNDBDJFH

but that aside i'm sure that if i showed the 2023 version to past me they would've lost their mind :'] /pos

[promptcorner]

I need to talk about this cat:

Here’s why:

It’s a dumb reason, but it’s still a reason. So, don’t attack anyone or assume anything. This is just a rant.

Way back in 2015, my dad was writing a new song for this challenge he set for himself. I don’t remember the specifics, but he was surfing the web and found the Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty Meme. However, at the time, it wasn’t called Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty. It was mostly called Butterfly Rainbow Unicorn Cat.

I think most people know the image I’m referring to. I can’t find the original post.

The name was mostly undecided, so Dad went with Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty because it rolled off the tongue.

He made a song that revolved around the meme and commissioned me to make an album cover. You all probably know where this is going.

I was, I think twelve when I made the cover. I was new to drawing digitally and was trying some things out.

If anyone is curious or wants to listen to my dad’s song, here’s the link:

The song discusses international issues, internet stuff, and life’s hardship but shifts focus to the Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty. Because, “Nothing could be wrong cus it looks so pretty!”✨🦋🎶

But yeah, I drew that cover. The name Bellapink5 was an old internet name I used before changing it to Bellapinkpen.

Anyways, cut to high school a few years later in 2019 and my dad tells me that some of his students at school (he’s a music teacher) told him that someone at Nick copied this song’s album cover.

Of course he goes, “What the H?” And looks it up. Low and behold he finds RBUK and tells me about it at dinner that night. We both thought, “What the H?” Because Felicity looks almost identical to the original meme and my drawing, the theme song is super close to Dad’s song too. It’s not by much, but it’s hard to deny someone at Nick didn’t see or hear any of these things and mishmashd them together. Because that original photoshopped cat, album art, and Dad’s song were the only threads that stuck out the most when searching Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty.

It’s actually very obvious when looking at these pictures close together. When you search Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty, this is what you get:

I told a few friends and my grandparents about this, because I was a bit upset that a big company decided to use something that the internet made, something that I was involved in, but didn’t do anything with it!

I completely forgot about it after ranting for a bit. The show got cancelled and things moved on. But the memory came back and I decided to look some episodes up, to see if they really copied the album.

I watched Alpha Jay’s video essay on the matter, saying it kinda copied Unikitty. I do think Unikitty had a part to play. Because it’s existence definitely was a push for the show to be made in the first place. But I don’t think the art came from that show.

Then I stumbled onto Vailsklbum’s video and he literally shows Dad’s album in his video as a possible source of inspiration for this show along with the meme. My mouth literally dropped.

I know this show is like, four years old. But I need to rant again.

I’ll break down what both Jay’s video and Vail’s video pointed out that everyone in my family and friends noticed when looking at Felicity’s design…

I’ll do so in a reblog.