#I only ever write Important Work Documents and that’s so sad

[emotoangel]

yall may not know this but I love to write actually I just have the shittiest imagination on the planet ,,, anyway send me asks with inspo and maybe I will write some little drabbles MAYBE

[back2bluesidex]

Fool's Gold - JHS

Pairing: Idol!Hoseok X Staff!Reader

Theme: Angst, Unrequited love au

Wordcount: 865

Summary: Falling for Jung Hoseok is.. Fool's Gold.

Warnings: Angst, unrequited love, loving somebody who can't be yours. That's all.

Minors are not allowed in this blog!!

A/N: I promise I had absolutely no plan of writing this one. But Hoseok came home and made me an emotional puddle. so I had to get things off of my chest.

Your eyes find him readily across the room as if those were made to spot him in a room full of blood and flesh. 

He shines. 

Just as always, Jung Hoseok shines the brightest, dimming everyone’s aura completely. 

Your grip on the camera goes tight as he smiles fully at Namjoon, who seems to say something pleasant in his ears. 

He doesn't see you. He obviously does not. Why would he? 

While he is the main focus of everyone’s attention, everyone is proud of him for showing excellence in the military just as he did in Bangtan… You are nothing more than a lowly photo and videographer. You are someone who runs behind them to document their every possible move with a stupid inanimate device in your hands. 

Just as today. 

There are times when you hate your job, especially because it lacks the hierarchy and authority that you would like to have in order to shut some mouths. 

But on days like these… you love it. 

If it’s not for the nature of your job then you would not be allowed to enter this dining room of your company to capture Hoseok and his members having dinner with some of the most important people of Hybe.  

If it’s not for your job then you wouldn’t have the fortune of witnessing Hoseok being more beautiful than you can ever remember. His cheeks are fuller, lips plumper, shoulders broader, chest buffer but his eyes… His eyes carry the same kind gaze, same warmth, same twinkle that made you fall for him long ago. 

Your chest tightens when he looks away from Namjoon, attempting to reply something to Jimin, and his eyes fall on your figure, awkwardly standing at the door. 

Then he smiles at you. 

And your world seems to start dancing in the rhythm of destruction. You feel high and low at the same time. You feel happy and sad all at once. 

He still looks at you, he still smiles at you but not the way you want. And it will never be the way you want. 

“Hey, Y/N! How have you been?” he chimes in. his voice sounds like honey in your ears. You find yourself smiling automatically. 

“Just getting by. What about you?” You ask softly. I miss you, the forbidden words linger on the tip of your tongue but you know you can’t say it. You won’t dare to. 

“Doing better than I thought. Why-” Hoseok gets cut off as one the managers start speaking. 

“Okay everyone. Let’s sit straight for a moment so that Y/N can click a picture and leave. It’s getting late, she needs to wrap it up.” 

And that’s your cue to leave. No matter how sugarcoated the words are, those translate to “do your work and leave. It’s not the place you belong.” 

So you do as you are told. 

After clicking five pictures and checking if everything’s alright, you take one last look at Hoseok only to find him smiling kindly at you. 

You bow a little as you get ready to leave. You can’t even wave him goodbye without making yourself look like a desperate staff trying to throw herself at an idol. Sucking in a deep breath along with all the pain and heartbreak your unrequited love has brought forth, you leave. 

You are halfway through the corridor when you hear your name being called from behind. 

Fuck! It’s Hoseok. 

When you turn around, he is already quite close to your form. So much so that you have to take a step back to maintain a staff-idol distance. 

“Hoseok..” you mutter. 

He lifts up a box, which you assume to be full of macarons. 

Wiggling it in front of your face he says, “You love macarons, don’t you? I remember you gobbling these during our snack times.” he laughs a little and your heart fills with liquid emotions ready to spill out of your eyes. 

“I picked some up for everyone on my way here. Take it.” he takes hold of your free hand and transfers the box into your grasp. 

“Th-Thanks.” the words choke on your mouth. You feel like screaming at the top of your lungs and tell him that you love him, tell him that you have been missing him. But again, you can’t.

“No need. Enjoy the weekend.” he places his palm flat on your shoulder and sets your skin on fire, heart in erratic motion.     

“Yes, you too.” you manage to voice out.

And then within a blink he is gone. 

You see him running back in the room just where he belongs, as you stand there in the corridor, just where you belong.

As soon as his body disappears from your view, your eyes get blurry and tears run down your cheeks. You are, once again, aware of the difference that persists between you and Hoseok. Two of your worlds can never collide. He can never be yours even when you have been his, only his, for a long time. 

You knew it all but you still let yourself fall for him and you don’t regret it. 

Because falling for Jung Hoseok is.. Fool’s Gold.  

Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @chimmisbae

[dedalvs]

Hi!

Just came to ask on an issue I've ran into regarding neography.

People in my circle of conlangers/worldbuilders/neographists say that what I do isn't right and is not to be considered neography - here's what I did:

I made over 500 neographies made since the creation of my Reddit account last year, all documented on @thecrazyneographist

And while some of them are seen as cool and all, most are trash bullshit I throw at the wall waiting for something to stick. I literally have diamonds laying under heaps of crap.

I love neographying, this is out of question. But I, despite making a couple WIPs, cannot make a conlang for every script aesthetic I come up with, thus, 90% of my works are just English ciphers (and a devastating part of them are alphabets).

Question:

Am I a valid neographist if most of my creations are nothing more than "children-level ciphers" for English, or not? No matter the answer I will continue making them because that's what I like to do.

Thanks in advance.

Hey, sorry I didn't respond to this sooner, but there are a lot of issues in here, and I wanted to tease them apart, so I can be quite clear on each one.

First, "I am a valid x", where x refers to some sort of artist, is always kind of a sad question to me, because those who ask it are undoubtedly asking it as a result of one kind of gatekeeping or another. For example, fanfic authors who ask "Am I real writer?" are undoubtedly asking it because someone (or several someones) have told them that they're not because all they write is fanfic. There are often a set of assumptions that come with the definition of a given art, such that the belief is if you haven't fulfilled certain criteria, you can't claim to be an artist in that field. For me, I think the definition is rather simpler.

In any artistic field, you qualify as that type of artist if you attempt that type of art. Notice I didn't say finish. This is especially clear for conlangs, as no conlang is finished. If the criteria for being a conlanger is having one finished conlang then there are no conlangers, and there never have been. There's no such thing as a finished conlang. There is such a thing as a finished painting, though, but I don't think you have to have finished a painting to be a painter. You need to be working at, but you don't need to have finished anything.

This doesn't mean that anyone is an anything. For example, to be a novelist, you have to be in the process of writing at least one novel. If all you've ever written is short stories, you're not a novelist. You are a writer, though.

For a neographer (or orthographer or conscriptor or whatever term is in vogue), all you have to do is attempt to create one conscript. That is the only criterion that needs to be satisfied. You've done that in spades, so you are a valid neographer.

Now, when it comes to an invented script, there are a number of elements involved—or that may be involved. They are as follows:

A unique set of glyphs (i.e. letterforms that are crucially different from any other glyphs in any other script—at least partially).

A unique flow (i.e how the glyphs look when lined up to make wordforms).

A specific instantiation or presentation (e.g. the Roman script has a unique set of glyphs and a unique flow, but in presenting a script, Copperlate looks different from Arial, Times, Palatino, Verdana, etc. Each one is a specific presentation or font face or style).

A unique assignment to a set of sounds and/or words/concepts.

Each of these involve artistic decisions, and they all can be assigned different levels of importance/interest. The fourth bullet above seems to be where unhelpful people in your circle are complaining. That is, one thing to do with a script is assign it to, say, the English version of the Roman alphabet. This is a cipher. Here's an example that's used on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland:

Let's evaluate this based on the criteria above:

There are a unique set of glyphs—kind of. However, if you kind of stand back and evaluate, you'll see that in fact, every letter is a stylized variant of a letter in the Roman alphabet—with, perhaps, the slight exception of I, which looks like a stylized eye (because this is for Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. It's a theme). So, actually, it's not super unique. Additionally, making each vowel glyph red is rather silly.

When written together, the script has a unique flow, but that flow is actually pretty poor. It's a bit like writing in all caps in English, but even all caps Roman has a better balance than this script. It's honestly kind of tiresome looking at this script on the wall. For an alphabet, the characters aren't distinct enough, so it gets poor marks there.

The style of the swooshes/wedges/talons is nice, for the most part (I and U cause me to raise an eyebrow—O, too). The distinction between the very short wedges (as in A, B, and N) and the dots (as in J, L, and M), and the few characters with an even smaller dot (E, X, S, and Y) is, frankly, baffling. Additionally, sometimes the wedges are balanced nicely (A and N are great examples), and sometimes they're way too close (cf. B and Z). While the line work is clean, this honestly even the best version of this style of this script, which is unfortunate, to say the least.

This is a straight-up English cipher. That can only be evaluated based on the goals of the script designer. If the script creator is doing it for fun, then there's nothing to say. That's their choice. If this were done for an Indiana Jones movie or television show, I'd cry foul (cf. Star Wars and their incredibly lazy work). However, this is for a ride. The intended level of interaction for this script is for fans who are standing in line anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours, depending on the time of year and time of day. There are actual messages written in this writing system that fans are supposed to decode. Given the time allotted, I think a cipher—and, in fact, a cipher that can be somewhat easily deciphered—was the right way to go. It's either do a cipher so park goers can actually read the messages without working at it beforehand and have some fun as they're waiting in line, or go all-out stylewise with the expectation that NO rider will ever figure out what's been written.

That's how a script needs to be evaluated. Sometimes purpose overrides style; sometimes not. It totally depends.

It SHOULD go without saying that if you're doing this for your own purposes, then no one can say shit about its intended purpose, or lack thereof. I always thought that in fora like r/neography posters share their script for the look of it, unless they say otherwise. There's both positives and negatives to that. Sometimes the way a script is used makes it cool, so presented without that background renders the script a bit less interesting, but other times, as with your scripts, it should be rather freeing. That is, it doesn't matter if the script is a cipher, is for a conlang, or is asemic: The question is, does it look good? If it does, it shouldn't matter what the hell it's for.

I've looked at your scriptwork here, and I've also seen it on r/neography before. Yes, some of it's a little sloppy, some of it's a little basic (i.e. variation on a theme without thought to how the system as a whole hangs together), and the presentation of some of it could use polishing, but a lot of it is quite interesting, quite striking, and presented quite well. Given the volume of work you've done, it's not surprising that some of it isn't as interesting, but by percentage, your work, on the whole, is outstanding. I honestly never noticed they were ciphers because it's, frankly, totally irrelevant. It'd be like going to an art exhibition and complaining that the titles of all the paintings start with the letter s. lol Like who gives af. That level of criticism is uncalled for and plain silly. Unless someone posts and says, "What do you think about this writing system that I created for a conlang?", I don't see the relevance of commenting on how the script ties to a phonology.

I would also like to take a moment to comment specifically on r/neography. I've frequented there for some time now, and I've seen a lot of good work, but the percentage of good work to bad work (or even relevant work) is extremely low. This is why I say so:

My biggest complaint is there are a metric ton of posts that are Romanization systems or Cyrillicization systems or the like. There is absolutely nothing ne about that ography. I joined that subreddit to see some NEW scripts, not already existing ones assigned to some phonology. There can be interesting discussions about that, sure, and I'm happy to see those types of discussions if I go to a forum specifically for those discussions. A place that purports to be about creating new scripts is not that place—period. If I were a mod, I would ban all of those posts as wholly irrelevant—and yet it is the majority of posts there on any given day.

The presentation of scripts is often abysmal. I mean ABYSMAL. For example, take an English-speaking preschooler writing their name. That's an example of the Roman script. Now imagine presenting that—and only that—as an example of the Roman script, which the viewer has never seen before. What would you say about that? I mean, it looks like garbage. You can't evaluate a writing system if it looks like it's written with one's offhand on a crowded train. And yet that is precisely the type of work that is OFTEN presented there. How can anyone expect to have their script evaluated if the way they present it makes it look like someone tried to handwrite "happy birthday" on a card but started too close to the edge? It's embarrassing—or should be, anyway. I couldn't imagine presenting my own work like that to anyone for critique or showcasing.

The scriptwork itself is often poor. Honestly, there's nothing much to say about this. I rarely comment there, because sometimes the most helpful comment I can think of is, "Maybe creating conscripts isn't for you", which is not a comment worth sharing. Part of it is talent, but part of it is patience and knowing (a) what makes a good glyph, and (b) what makes a good flow for your glyphs. A lot of it is subjective, but "subjective" means that there will be some scripts that 90% of viewers will think is subjectively good; some that 60% will think is "good"; some 20%... So even though it's subjective, it doesn't mean that every single script is equal. There's a lot of room for improvement.

Because of the above, the kind of feedback you get at a place like r/neography is, frankly, suspect, and often not worth the effort it took to type. For my own stuff, I respect the opinions of people whose work I respect. If I don't respect someone's script work, their criticism is worthless. For your own work, I'd recommend you adopt a similar approach.

Finally, I'd like to applaud you for the very last thing you wrote—that you were set to continue whatever I wrote. Because if you enjoy it, you should keep at it. There's no other reason to do it.

Thanks for the ask, and keep it up!

[mrsbsmooth]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag @rebelrayne! @longbobmckenzie tagged me in the body of hers too so I’ll take it.

How many works do you have on ao3?

82 right now, but I’ve orphaned a few recently

What’s your total ao3 word count?

1,220,982. I’ve got about another 30-40k words in WIP documents right now, so almost one-amd-a-quarter million words 😨

What fandoms do you write for?

Love Island the Game, Too Hot to Handle game, Harry Potter (Dramione exclusive), Romance Club (Heaven’s Secret)

Top five fics by Kudos

Tell Me What You Want (HP)

This Time, I’m Serious

Jaded

Unhealthy

Kinktober 2022

TIL that my Harry Potter fic has overtaken TTIS even though TTIS has more hits.

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! There were a few on TTIS I missed that it would be awkward to reply to because it was so long ago, but I make a point of trying to reply to every comment.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The only sad ending I’ve ever written was the first chapter of Jaded which was originally done as a oneshot.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Welcome To Racers. They got the whole shebang. Love me a happily ever after.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not recently. I’ve had hate for my portrayals of Alex, Lucas, and Suresh. But I haven’t had any nasty anon comments in ages which is lovely.

Do you write smut?

Yeah it's kinda my thing.

Craziest crossover:

I don’t know if I’ve done many crossovers… maybe Bruno and Miri Make a Porno or All I Want for Christmas is You which is a hetero take on Red White and Royal blue?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I think I would probably die of happiness.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I HAVE! All’s Fair in Casa Amor was written with my beautiful friends @i-boop-you and @crimswnred !!!!!!

All time favourite ship?

Dramione (new fave) but for LITG? Hard question because our fandom is so built around an MC. But with two canon characters? I secretly love a Bruno/Valentina. Also love Hope/Lucas. They just WORK.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

It’s gotta be Recovery. I have the whole thing planned in my head but I just have no motivation to write it at all. Other than that, I don’t see myself finishing Famous Last Words any time soon. If I was going to finish it I’d take it down and rewrite it to make it fully OF.

What are your writing strengths?

Smut probably, I’m not bad at it. I feel like my narrative pacing is alright, and my prose is decent despite it being really inconsistent.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I rely too much on dialogue. I miss all the little body language bits leading up to an important line that could take it from an ‘aww that’s sad’ to a ‘holy fuck I’m sobbing’. Luckily I have wonderful beta’s who help me with this.

But more than anything, characterisation. Forming a fully fleshed out character before I start the story. I struggle with it. I’ve always felt like I’m more of a storyteller, (a plot person) more than a deep dive into a character’s psyche kind of person. I love reading character driven stories though, but I think it’s something that comes with writing experience. I haven’t actually been writing for that long and I think I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a weak point.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I sometimes forget that people don’t like this. I LOVE it. I do try and use it sparingly though. It’s so nice to see a character conversing with someone in their native language. I try and put the English dialogue in brackets or italics unless it's rather clear what they're saying (like swearing).

First fandom you wrote in?

LITG

Favourite fic you've written?

I, like Sarah, absolutely hate this question. My fics are my children. I like some of them more than others, though (I never claimed to be the world's best mother). But I love them for different reasons.

I love Welcome to Racers because it was my first AU. I loved The Only Two Things because I got to create an entire world, an entire city for my characters (Yes I'm aware Waterford, Ireland is a real place but God, I loved that story so much). TT,IS was the first fic I started and it gave me the friends I have today and the amount of people who tell me it's S4 canon just makes my whole life. Jaded was something different. It was a challenge to myself and I'm so proud of it. Unhealthy has been the most difficult to write, but it's also pushed me the hardest in my development of characters. FLW has been so much fun because I get to dive back into my music roots, urghhhhhh. Love.

I don't care if it's narcissistic. I re-read my fics on a regular basis. They're perfectly tailored to my taste. I love doing a nice re-read and sprinkling in a few extra details with liberal use of the edit button. If there was someone who knew my fics as well as I did, they'd get something a little bit different on every read. Might just be a line or two, might be a thought or a reaction, but I love to add and tweak and tinker with them all.

Love.

tagging: @i-boop-you @crimswnred @ellegreenwxy @tammyisobsessedwith @operationnope @sparxaf @eskiix

[forever-fan]

My FNAF Hyperfixation has inspired me!

So I've been reading a bunch of FNAF time travel fix-it fics. If you don't know what I am referring to, they are basically fics where Michael/William/Henry/basically anyone else finds themselves in the past by some circumstance. They then try to fix the future.

Now that you know what I'm talking about I can actually get to the point. I have decided to write a FNAF time travel fix-it fic. It is tied to an AU, so don't come at me about "canon". Here is a sneak peek at it.

-

Michael wished he died in the fire. Well, technically he was already dead. He had no pulse and he couldn't breathe. His brain had long since stopped working and he got his energy from Remnant rather than digesting food. In all reality, he was a stubborn spirit trapped within his own corpse.

Michael hadn't died in the fire that Henry had set. Hell, his body was barely harmed. All he remembered was passing out before waking up in a random alley. Michael realized someone saved him, but now he was even more alone than ever before.

When the Mega Pizzaplex opened on top of Michael's old restaurant, he knew there would be trouble. Sure enough, there was. Michael took a job as a security guard and found that, while they weren't murderous, the animatronics weren't quite right.

Michael also found his fellow guard, Vanessa, to be a little shifty. She turned out to be way more than shifty when she pushed him into the daycare ball pit from a height that would have maimed or killed anyone else.

Michael's afterlife only got worse when he emerged from the ball pit and found that he was back in Fredbear's Family Diner in 1980.

-

This short introduction obviously doesn't tell you all the fun little headcanons that I have for this fic. I guess you'll just have to read it to find out. Of course, I haven't written in yet. But! I am so hyped about the movie that I think I'll probably finish the first chapter before twenty-four hours have passed.

[Edit: My entire document on Microsoft Word deleted itself from reality... RIP. So... I'm rewriting the first chapter all over again. :> And trust me, I looked through all of my files and drives. Let it be known, I have turned on auto-save cause it sucks to rewrite dialogue, and know for a fact that it's not the same as it was. Also, I lost a doc with half of my headcanons for a different fnaf au. Sadness.]

Real quick, I do have only a little bit of important information for anyone who wants to understand the timeline. (Also so I can remember the basic timeline I made for myself.)

Original Timeline

1968 - Michael is born.

1973 - Elizabeth is born.

1974 - Charlie Emily is born.

1975 - Evan is born.

1980 - William discovers something called Remnant.

1981 - The Missing Children Incident happens and Fredbear's barely stays open.

1982 - William begins to create the Funtimes to harvest Remnant.

1983, March - Elizabeth dies at her friend's birthday party, three days after Circus Baby's Pizza World opened.

1983, August - Evan dies a week after the bite of '83. (FNAF 4)

1983, August - Mrs. Afton [Yet to be named] dies after driving her car off a cliff.

1983, October - Charlie is murdered by William at her own birthday party.

1986 - Michael goes to college to get away from the tragedy and gets a little therapy.

1990, April - Michael receives a letter from his father asking him to find Elizabeth.

1990, June - Michael dies in the Sister Location. (FNAF 5)

1991, January - Michael assumes the name 'Fritz Smith' and works at Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria before being fired on his first day. (FNAF 2)

1993 - Michael uses the name 'Mike Schmidt' and works at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. (FNAF 1)

1993 - William dies in the Spring Bonnie suit

2000 - Michael works at Fazbear's Fright. (FNAF 3)

2010, Late December - Michael opens Freddy Fazbear Pizza Place. (FNAF 6, Pizzeria Simulator)

2010, Early January - Henry sets the fire, and Michael survives. (Still FNAF 6, Pizzeria Simulator)

2020, July - Michael works at the Mega Pizzaplex and is pushed into the ball pit only six days before the events of Security Breach.

Time Travel Timeline

[To be edited as chapters are added. Peek under the cut only if you have read the most recent chapter, or if you don't give a shit about spoilers.]

1980 - Michael arrives in the past. He is not happy.

[indras-wife]

(Bad English ahead, I'm sorry).

Hiii <3, I want to tell you how much I appreciate that you created this blog! And I'm happy that the blog is growing and now you're getting more interesting asks and requests. I swear you're doing the lord's work feeding us good Indra content. There isn't enough of him anywhere on the internet and that makes me so sad, WE NEED MORE OF THAT MAN.

Anyways I do have a request, but I'm afraid it's not interesting (it's just silly i think haha). I would like to know if you have some headcanons about what the daily life of our serious man would have been like? What activities did he do as part of his routine, besides training and studying ninjutsu? Do you think he had any hobbies? And what kind of duties did he have towards the community in which he lived? In the filler it looked like he was in charge of "enforcing the law", but I wonder if he had other responsibilities (administrative tasks or something like that).

Sorry if my questions are a little vague, boring or if you already have written something along this lines, but you can add other elements that you see fit. I'll honestly read everything you write! ✨ Sending you lots of love. Thanks for taking the time to read this!✨

Anonnnnn, this request along with your encouraging kind words made my day I swear!.💖🥰🥺 Thank you immensely for reading my blog and supporting it! Every encouraging word makes me want to write about this wonderful man even more! Thank you, thank you, thank you!💖💖💖 AND YES!! There's really not enough Indra content here, which is tragic. That man is a too handsome and interesting to be ignored. I take it upon myself to talk about him as much as I can and your interesting request will help me add more insight on him!💖💖💖

Indra, on a daily basis, is a very busy man. He carries the weight of huge responsibilities on his shoulder. No one asked him to do these, but as an older sibling, and as the future successor of ninshu he feels obliged to do what is needed. Besides training and studying, which occupy most of his time, Indra has other activities or hobbies luckily.

One of the first activity that takes up a lot of time, is patrolling around. Indra believes that setting order around and having people follow the law is actually the only way to harmony. We saw in the anime how he doesn't hesitate to punish those who break the rules. By doing it, he sets an example for others telling them indirectly not to break laws and follow the order his father set years ago. He also takes part in writing the law that villagers have to follow, so this job is a very important one for him.

His other hobby is walking. Is it a surprise? This man LOVES late night walks by himself, as it gives him the peace of mind he needs. His usual walking place is the woods. As a child Indra used to train there and wander around, which helped him discover hidden secret tunnels, leading to extraordinary beautiful scenery. He enjoys laying on the grass or sitting on it, looking at the moon and the starry skies, allowing his mind to take him outside of the earth. Indra never admits it aloud, but he is fascinated by the outside world. He catches himself daydreaming about travelling to space, wanting to experience seeing it with his own eyes.

Indra also enjoys writing. Yes, he enjoys writing! He is a huge bookworm and enjoyed reading his father's works ever since he was a baby, but he also loves writing about his own ideologies and thoughts. He is the inventor of Ninjutsu, so he had to keep up with his creations and document every progress with the hand signs. Every night, he spends an hour or two filling the book with the new hand signs he was able to form, detailing how he did it and what the hand sign can do. He also keeps a small diary, where he writes about himself. He finds it easier to express himself in writing rather than talking. Indra makes sure his diary is well hidden so no one can find and read his dark "secrets" about himself.

Not doing too often, but he loves drawing too. In his mind he is terrible at it, but he believes practice makes it perfect so whenever he can, he draws in his small journal, be it a tree, a pond, a face or whatever his mind tells him to do. He is a very artistic man.

As a part of the council, Indra was also in charge of the security of the village. Despite living in peaceful time, he and others realized that an unexpected attack can happen and their borders need to be strong. He took it upon himself to make sure the borders are secure an the soldiers are well trained in case a fight broke out.

Moving to little softer things, Indra, from time to time, would visit the villagers, in hopes of helping them. He was doing it mostly as a teenager, as he was not too closed off yet. As an adult he stopped this habit, but was still keeping a close eye to the village and having his students search around, asking if there was anything needed to be done. Indra was this hero from shadows as all the problems the villagers reported, have been solved by him immediately.

He also has a habit of sitting under sakura trees and watch the time pass. He usually does it at nights, as he has insomnia and sleeping is a problem for him. Sitting under the trees, reading a book or writing about something helps him connect with himself spiritually. The soft breeze playing with his hair and the cherry blossom petals gives him the satisfaction from life he is hungry for.

Indra also loves travelling. He is the type of person who will take the longer route just to be out in nature more. As a teenager he sneaked out of the house to visit the neighboring villages, to meet new people and find new things. A little mischievous of him, but his hunger for knowing and seeing more could never have him sit in one place for a long time. He was beloved wherever he went, with women falling in love with him, and men praising his skills and knowledge. As a grown up, he would keep a low profile when visiting different places, not wanting to be recognized by anyone.

To finish the list of his activities besides training and studying, Indra from time to time likes spending time with his students. He isnt that vocal about it, but he would not mind taking his trusted friends for a walk, or for a drink. He doesnt drink, but seeing how his two students get tipsy and act weird is always bringing a smile to his face. Being with his "friends" is the only time he allows himself to open up a little bit and show his true self, without hiding behind a mask.

[skycas1noregular]

New chapter (7) of A new Angel of the Decay just dropped. Let's talk about it

I don't know how many of you read it/came from my AO3, but I want to talk about that fic of mine and this new chapter, so I will (because I have free will, as Nikolai would say)

For those who have no idea about what I'm taking about but want to know: check out the fic. In short, it's about Fyosiglai being parents. But it's angsty because I love being hurt and hurting others with my writing :)

Now for analysis of the new chapter.

Overall, I enjoyed writing this chapter and fixing it when my co-author got more ideas or better ones. On grammarly I got a score over 90 (out of 100) so I'm satisfied hahah. But on emotional level, I feel like it's not as angsty (it still hurt me to write some scenes, though). Now for individual parts of the chapter.

About flowers

It's so damn sad that Sigma isn't even aware that Fyodor is the one responsible for bringing him flowers when he's asleep. And so damn angsty that Nikolai isn't willing to let him know. Just the fact that he confirmed (obviously lied) he's the one who does it makes it obvious he doesn't want Fyodor in their life, at all. Especially in Sigma's life and/or Sigma's head.

About Nikolai and Sigma comforting each other

When I first wrote the scene of Sigma comforting Nikolai, my co-writter let me know that Sigma seemed a bit too alright. That's true. At first I did focus on Nikolai since he's the one that is rarely hurt and rarely needs comfort. Later on, I did rewrite the scene as both of them not being even close to alright, both comforting each other the best way they know. That is physical touch. A simple hug.

I love them so fucking much and it pains me that they're in pain (even though I literally wrote this and decided this fic would be angsty as hell from the beginning, but that's besides the point).

About baths

I wrote Nikolai's thoughts on them, but I don't think I ever really said what exactly is going on in that bathtub. The true answer is: nothing. No sex, just intimacy of Fyodor running his fingers through Sigma's hair while he's leaning back on him. They don't even talk, just enjoy each other's company. Sigma gave up on trying to talk once he did and was basically left alone. Now, he doesn't talk or confront Fyodor in any way; just enjoys rare intimacy.

About kindergarten documents

That was one hell of a ride. Of course that at first Fyodor didn't want to sign them, not only because of his statement ("Theo shouldn't learn through games") but because he knew Nikolai messed around with documents and decided to hide them under tons of which Fyodor had to sign for work. He knew Sigma would never do such a thing since Sigma understands how important it is for documents to be organized (and he knew Sigma wouldn't be tricking him into anything).

Later on, he found the same documents on his desk, right in the middle, with a sticky note that said 'please' with a heart to the side. What I didn't write, since this chapter was from Nikolai's perspective, is that Fyodor added another heart, which makes me want to cry. It proves that Fyodor isn't as defensive when it comes to Sigma since Sigma isn't as agressive with these things like Nikolai tends to be. And honestly, I don't blame him. Perhaps that gentle approach is all he needs to comply.

About Sigma's dream

When my co-writer/friend came up with this scene, I was on the bring of tears. Just thinking about how much it hurt Sigma to wake up in that room, to realize that it was all a dream and that he will never have the happy family like he wanted from the start makes me want to go to sleep and never wake up, to dream about my own life like it's perfect, without any worries. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. Not in reality and not in fiction (since I myself don't want to make them happy, but that's besides the point...)

Also the fact that Fyodor heard that is... heartbreaking, honestly. Perhaps that was what got him to actually sign the documents, to make Sigma at least a bit more happier.

About their intimacy

Now, this isn't meant to be a smut fic (obviously), but it does contain those themes. They're important. Sex is important to Nikolai, yet he wouldn't do a thing if Sigma didn't initiate it. We love respectful and mature Nikolai! No, really, he asked if Sigma was alright with it multiple times, and I think that's beautiful. Even if he himself is so pent up, he cares enough to ask and make sure Sigma would be comfortable.

I added this scene for plot reasons: first because it breaks the angst a bit and gives an illusion that everything is fine, and second because I need it for the later chapter lmao.

About Theo / Unwritten scenario because I didn't want to have to explain how the hell they get to the Sky Casino (because I, honestly, am not even sure myself)

But anyway. When Nikolai parked the car, Theo woke up but kept eyes closed for Nikolai to carry him. Nikolai let him know he knows he's awake, but Theo simply answered with 'I'm not' and got Nikolai to carry him regardless. A win is a win, kiddo. Good job.

If you stayed and read this analysis, do tell what you think about this chapter and feel free to ask questions about this fic since I love it so, so much and can talk about it for days straight. But yeah, that's all. Thank you for reading :3

[starlazergazer]

Hii!! I’m the anon who asked if u had an ao3, and I’m sooo glad I can have all your fics in one PDF thank u so much 🙏 I can quickly pressed the download button so fast. youre genuinely one of my fav anakin fic writers in the entire galaxy (far far away). Your writing is so so gorgeous and complex, and it just feels soooo real—how each person has their own depth—so much thought is put into every word and how it’s framed.

I just read your latest fic, Separated, and my god I SOBBED. It was SO good. I was listening to sad songs too, to get more into the mood, and it made me cry even harder. My heart just dropped out of my body when Reader and Anakin were saying their last words towards each other through the call: they were so emotionally close but so physically far from each other. How they were imagining a different life where everything was more softer and happier, that living handle their souls more gently, when in reality one was killing her, and the other was walking towards a path of destruction? AARAAGGH IM GOING CRAZY WITH YOUR WRITING (COMPLIMENT). I can’t wait to see the second part and how you plan to execute the follow up.

Btw. Do you have any tips on how you can finish writing stories? You write so much and it’s all such high quality. How do you do it? I have so many ideas but I never actually commit to it. I have this idea where Reader is also on par with Anakin’s skills as a mechanic except she gets extreme motion sickness, which I think would be so funny considering she’s good at building ships but not flying them.

(I really hope you’re okay with me posting this I know your first message was sent anonymously so I wasn’t sure but if you’re not definitely just let me know and I’ll get rid of it) but Oh my god I sobbed reading this 😭. Genuinely this is the biggest compliment I’ve ever received and it means so much to me I’m positively overflowing right now and a little upset I cannot find the words to properly express how much this means to me. I already go back through some of the messages Ive received periodically as a little pick-me-up but I already know this one will be revisited weekly it just means so much to me the way you’ve picked up on everything I’ve tried so hard to do well in my writing making the dialog and situations and characters feel real and complex and messy ugghhhhh I love you so much this means the world 🫶🏻

As far as writing tips for finishing stories I have many cause it’s definitely something I struggle with all the time lol! I’d say the biggest thing for me is to focus on just getting something down rather than finishing a certain work. At any one time I have four or five word documents open on my computer because I’m regularly only writing a scene or a piece of dialog or literally just an idea. A lot of the time I get halfway through something and decide I hate it but keep it there anyways. What usually ends up happening though is I take ideas or scenes from all the different pieces and drop them into my “main story” if I think they fit well so it all works out in the end but just writing (even if it’s not related even remotely to what you feel like you “should” write) is ultimately what’s important.

I also regularly skip around when I’m writing. I find I like writing the big plot points or bits of dialogue the most so a lot of the time I write those first then fill in the gaps later. Finishing a story is a lot less daunting when you already have all of the big pieces in place and just need a few tiny bridges to bring everything together.

Lastly I would say again just get something down on the paper. I’ve written a lot of really bad stuff lol and sometimes I can feel it while I’m writing it and there’s a part of me that wants to just delete it and start over but having the ideas down on the page is always 100% better than having nothing and editing the crap out of what you already have is way easier than starting over from scratch.

Anyways that’s probably way more than what you wanted lol but I really hope it helps! I think just remember this is supposed to be fun, if you’re getting frustration or exasperation out of it more than anything totally feel free to take a step back. I’m known to go MIA for months at a time cause I have periods where I just am not feeling it and forcing myself through it does nothing for anyone.

Seriously though thank you thank you thank you I’m so absolutely overjoyed that you like my writing enough to want to keep it in any form it means the absolute world to me! Also good luck with your potential fic! Tag me if/when you finish it! I’ve been wanting to do a mechanic reader fic forever but never gotten far enough into actually planning it out to start writing anything so I’d love to see your take on it

[historia-vitae-magistras]

How supportive is Jack when Zee is dealing with things he doesn't? I imagine it isn't much. Men suck lol and 19th century men suck even more

He's better than he could be, not as good as he should be. There are parts of Zee's existence he will never fully understand. With women in general, I don’t think he’s exceptional in either direction. Has a bit of that casual lad’s lad, blokey bloke that doesn’t exactly encourage sensitive, serious nuanced conversations about gender and privilege. He thinks highly enough of Zee and doesn’t have much sexual attraction to women, so the things men say will startle him sometimes. Microaggressions he won't pick up on, but her reaction he will on instinct. He does have a good sense of when she’s sad, hungry or upset and tbh, a lad with one of his largest northern cities named after Charles Darwin probably doesn’t believe in much in the way of a higher power, but his baby sister can put the fear of god in him regardless.

And if I were writing the human son of an English admiral, Jack absolutely could have been a massive asshole. Even as he stands, he can be a massive asshole. He’s dense, he’s brash, and he can get frustrated with Zee being the more academically inclined and well-behaved one of them. Zee rails against her gender sometimes. When she’s supposed to be at home, he often mentally frames it so that she gets to be at home. That what is an obligation for women is a privilege in his head sometimes. When WW1 and WW2 both started, those were the fiercest fights they had ever had in their entire lives. She saw it as being forced to work as a nurse; he saw it as an opportunity to stay out of harm's way. But when she stood her ground and was just as capable of firing a rifle as he was, it was as close to 1:1 as it could be.

He can resent how she is often better at things he’s supposed to excel at. Zee is the one with the head for engineering; he’s the one who played the piano Arthur bought her. He’s said some shit over the years. He values equality, and women’s suffrage was only a year or two after New Zealand, but he’s still a dipshit sometimes. He might not understand some of the finer points of being a woman, but he understands her more than he does anyone else.

At the end of the day, the bottom line that defines so much of what he is and what kind of man he’s become is that he was born a penal colony. His earliest memories are not happy ones. Loving ones, perhaps. He can remember laughing and Brighid smiling as she worked a loom, and he tumbled around in the dusty yard of a gaol after whatever animals convicts were allowed to keep to feed themselves. He can remember being huddled by her side as she wept for home across three oceans. He can remember the casual blows from British soldiers and the foul things men said to Brighid when there was only a door and a lock to keep them at bay. He remembers the helplessness of childhood and the gaping hole left in him when Arthur staked his claim. He doesn't have mommy issues; he knows damn well Brighid loved him as best she could, and his relationship with Arthur is best left to another post, but from the day Zee came into his world, there was nothing and no one more important.

Irish politicians steered much of Australia’s path to dominion and then independence. This included the secret or private ballot that's still known as an Australian ballot and the famous ‘one man one vote’ policy. Ireland is so embedded into Australian history that as of 2020, there were scholars still arguing Australia needed to be less Irish when writing its histories. It was Irish politicians who also contributed heavily towards the philosophies that produced the clause that, in the documents establishing Australia as a nation, always left the door open for New Zealand. That doesn't negate the many issues their countries have and it doesn't change a lot of things. He can’t change how he was born, the role his existence plays, or the hand his father had in his creation, nor will he batter at the British Empire after a certain limit. But the one thing he can control, the one thing he will never emulate from his father? How he treats his sister. He’s not flawless, and in many ways, he could do much better, and I think he is becoming more aware, especially in this century. But he has always cared so much. And he will look out for her until he doesn’t have eyes, and he’ll lean towards the Tasman until the sun ceases to rise.

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @skeptiquewrites i love these games! this got very long so answers below the cut!

How many works do you have on ao3?

123 total but 22 HP fics

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

886,281

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i'm writing HP/drarry pretty exclusively at the moment and i've written the second largest number of fics for this fandom. but i've written like 69 sherlock holmes and/or bbcs fics and i think 16 good omens fics

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

they're all good omens fics in the 2k-3k range. none of my other fics even come close. my most popular drarry fic is Propinquity which makes sense it has a fun premise

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes! i respond to comments when i have the time and energy and usually i do it in batches shortly after i've published something new

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't rlly write angsty endings. in the bbcs fandom i wrote an infidelity fic series where they're in a very unsustainable situation and i intended to write a final installment with a happy ending but i was so disenchanted by the last season of the show that i just never did. i've never written an angsty ending to a drarry fic. i find angst kinda boring tbh :p

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

almost every single fic i've ever written has a happy ending but the drarry fic i've written where the pov character has the most to cope with before he's happy is probably either propinquity or moonrise. they're also my youngest dracos, which probably has something to do with it. they've had less time to recover and grow. i think i have to give the edge to moonrise, actually because he's soooo sad and lonely at the beginning, and he develops this bond not only with harry but with ginny (they give each other stupid nicknames) and hermione (they have a very special scene toward the end of the series)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i didn't used to, but i've gotten a bit since i started writing drarry! there are a lot of polarizing characters and relationships, and people will sometimes tell me they didn't approve of how i handled something or other. i was too soft on dumbledore i was too hard on draco. oh well. no refund.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! for me, smut is an important part of demonstrating the trust and intimacy between my leads as well as like. joy and playfulness. consequently my smut tends to be silly and jokey but also very romantic and sort of idealized.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i wrote a fleabag/bbcs crossover once where fleabag picks up john watson at her therapists' office but it's the only one i've ever written and it was sort of to tease of friend of mine

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a handful! mostly my good omens fics

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i'd love to write one with @clytemenestras

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i am not rlly a favorites kind of person but obviously drarry is doing something special for me rn. they are both Me and pushing their faces together and making them kiss is an act of self love <3

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i NEVER publish WIPs but i do have this 8th year WIP that i'm rlly struggling with and put it on the back burner. i think i'm just trying to do too many things with it and i get stuck and unsure of where to go first when i open the document. originally it was supposed to be a theater kids fic because i loved the idea of draco as a theater kid. but the version of draco that unrolls when i write is so exhausted and burned out and also he's kind of being shunned. he just isn't embodying the flamboyant joy i was imagining when i came up with the idea.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm very good at depicting relationships. my dialogue is good and my characters develop all these inside jokes and references that make them feel like real people.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

my fic tends not to be very plotty but idk if i consider that a weakness. i'm not trying and failing to write plot. i write what i intend to write. i guess i write pretty slowly, but i'm okay with that too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

draco often speaks french in my fic, and now that i think about it, it's usually to show his closeness with people who are not harry. i guess i have this idea that it's easy to reduce him to his interactions with harry, but he has social relationships outside of that. he's like. capable of pleasantries. he's chatting with his cousins he's chatting with madame maxime. it's a fun little way to make him a bit mysterious. that's one of the things harry likes about him, isn't it? what's that draco malfoy up to? what's he saying? it's fun!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

bbc sherlock

20. Favorite fic you've written?

it's hard to compare fics across fandoms and even within drarry it's hard to compare fics that are attempting such different things! i think maybe the relationship in A Gift of True Esteem is my favorite because they develop this really strong partnership and their respect for each other is so clear! i also get to drop in a lot of wizarding culture, like draco gives harry some books that i got to make up titles for, they go shopping together and out to dinner (i think i was inspired by the antiquing scene early in @tackytigerfic's Modern Love; it rlly stuck with me). they go to a museum run by goblins, they talk about how much hogwarts has changed and changes they still want to make. and i got to make up some homework assignments, which was fun too! Strangely enough this is also the fic i've gotten the most hate on! i rlly didn't think i had made any controversial choices when i was writing it but oh well lol. i love getting to look at how they might move through the world as adults. how they have changed and how the world has changed, and i just had a lot of fun with this one.

genuinely do not know who has already played so i tag @oflights, @thehoneybeet, and @vukovich if you want to <3

[dipplinduo]

writer ask game 15, 43, 45, 47, 48

(Context: this ask game)

Lezz goooo

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic? Ope, now I figured out why this is an anon ask LOL. While I can diversify my writing with proper ratings, this blog is more of a friendly open space for all ages so I'm going to be mindful about how I answer this:

I obviously haven't written any explicit scenes at this point. I'd only do it when characters are obv of appropriate age, and even then, I have honestly gone back and forth with it because I'm constantly thinking about impact.

If I ever do decide to write that kind of content, I wouldn't openly advertise it on this blog given that my followers may be of all sorts of ages. But all in all, I'd want to convey a genuine emotional connection with good takeaways/some educative pieces and overall purpose as to why I'm going into detail (e.g. what something healthy and healing could look like between people - this is often poorly portrayed in media and can lead people to vulnerability in their own intimate experiences, so the message could be powerful if executed with intention). I do believe I have the capacity to do so if I ever choose to, but I may also just be a fade to black kind of author by nature, lol (especially with source material that isn't mine). We'll see. Again, it's really all about trying to be mindful about my impact and thinking of the community.

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

Highly depends on the character. For example, I love Kieran, but I'm okay with putting him through it LOL. On the other hand, my smiley guy Drayton? Don't you dare make him sad. I had to do that in one of my fics and it SUCKED.

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

Yes. :)

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

I don't. LOL. Y'all see the first and only draft usually since I post right after I finish writing in one sitting. xDD I have gone back a few times to add more detail after posting, though. Sometimes I'll also go back to correct spelling errors I often make if I catch them/someone points it out.

48. What do you look for in a beta?

Haven't used a beta before (just have had people I've talked to about ideas before I write), but ideally:

They would specifically and lovingly correct spelling errors

They'd give me feedback about how they felt about different scenes

They'd throw in suggestions about how to flush ideas out more/would tell me what didn't fit as much in a given chapter/work

Ultimately I would be the only one editing the content of the document since I prefer it that way, and I'd follow my discretion while deeply valuing their advisement

[theriverspath]

Good Omens November 2023 Writing Challenge. Day 10

The Plan

Rated General Audience. Prompt: "Not said to you" from The way you said "I love you."

“I love you, Crowley.”

That’s not quite right.

“I love you, Crowley.”

That won’t do, either.

“I love you, Crowley.”

Oh, bother.

Aziraphale sunk his head into his hands. He was careful not to smear the painted mustache, even in his distress. He had been practicing the line in the dressing room mirror, but couldn’t seem to get it right. He only had a couple of minutes until he was on, but he simply could not focus. He hadn’t even scripted an opening patter to warm up the audience. The only thing he could think of was Crowley.

Crowley saving his books, the brush of Crowley’s hand on the bag’s strap, the way Crowley sat down in that chair while he practiced his old act, the feel of Crowley’s handshake in the magic shop. His old enemy had been nothing but supportive since the church. And, Aziraphale had realized that he had been nothing but a fool for so long.

But, no longer. Tonight was the night. After the show, when they had both returned to the dressing room, he was going to tell Crowley how he felt.

-------

Ahem.

Aziraphale jumped at the polite cough. He hadn’t heard Saraqael approach his desk.

“I have the file you requested.” Her face was stoic. If she had noticed him daydreaming, she showed no signs of it. She laid the folder down on the glass surface, adding it to the haphazard stacks and piles. It landed next to a small sketch that had been doodled in the margins of a document. Azirpahle was vaguely surprised to find a bust of Crowley looking back at him, handsome in a tie and fedora. A drop of some liquid had splattered next to it, leaving a gold shimmer on the paper.

When did I draw that?

“Do you know that you were muttering to yourself when I entered your office?” Saraqael didn’t make any sort of move to leave after her task was complete. Aziraphale hid his embarrassment behind his “important Supreme Archangel” face.

“Yes, well, I was devising a plan to overcome the new Prince of Hell. He’s a wiley adversary. Moreso now than ever…” The last of his sentence trailed off. The other Archangel had lifted a single eyebrow in response to his bluster. It was an oddly familiar gesture.

“It sounded more like you were confessing your love for him.” Cold panic raced down Aziraphale’s spine.

Oh no. No, they can’t know about this. It'll mean disaster. Well, more disaster than is already currently happening.

“That…that’s the plan! Yes, you see, the demon seems to have developed somewhat of a pash on me. Ridiculous, I know. But, it could be put to use. I could … lure him in with words of love, then smite him down when he least expects it!” Aziraphale tried to sound confident. But the thought of betraying Crowley, or whatever he was calling himself these days, sent a wave of nausea through him.

Saraqael sighed, and Aziraphale noticed a minute shift in her expression. Sadness? A hint of pity? Surely not.

“You have a little something. On your face.” Saraqael’s voice was softer than Aziraphale was accustomed to hearing from her. She gestured to his cheek. He reached up to brush away whatever she had noticed. His fingers came away glistening with a translucent gold liquid.

“Would you like my advice, Supreme Archangel?” She waited for Aziraphale to respond. He tried to, and found that his voice wasn’t quite working. He nodded instead.

“If you ever do meet your old adversary again, I would suggest putting that plan into action. The first part, at least.” Saraqael turned her chair around, and floated away into the infinite white of Heaven. Aziraphale stayed at his desk, too stunned to do anything other than watch her fade into the distance.

---

Cross posted to Sendarya's Patreon discord

[deux-jared]

the boys in the band review

"Show me a happy homosexual and I'll show you a gay corpse."

this review is about the 2020 version specifically but it applies to all bc im mostly just talking about the themes and plot.

it’s a good movie it’s. great movie. it’s maybe the best movie about gay men to exist. it capture that generation of queer identity brutally and honestly. there’s slurs. there’s homophobia. there’s cool little trinkets on the tables and art on all the walls. with only a single setting the movie really makes it feel like home. an incredibly beautiful home.

not to spoil it, but it’s not a movie where anything happens, don’t go into it expecting some jump or big event or such. it’s like a slice of life movie. and that slice of life happens to be kinda fucking wild cause everyone got too drunk.

the movie has beautiful flashbacks, the kind that kinda make your heart hurt. these men think about their pasts, childhood, regrets. and in a queer light. they think back on failed attempts at romance, gay awakenings, and hookups. it feels dramatic but it well represents how they actually feel. looking back on memories with too much flair and importance, replaying copies in their mind. they are not living the ups and downs of queer life in the movie, but instead look back on some. you know there’s a YA novel story back there. but it’s not about that, it’s about community.

the movie touches on issue that are Extremely relevant to modern queer communities. the characters aren’t young, all in the 30-40 range i’d say. they’re aging, something that’s hardest of all for queer people. no family surrounding you, rarely financial stability, but worst of all you don’t look like the perfect skinny twink anymore. gay men especially put an over abundance of importance into appearance. more so than heterosexuals. the friends put so much working into dressing up then insult each other incessantly. they hold so much importance in image even just the group of them in the comfort of a house, and age scares them. they fight to be see as young. watch The Gay Body Image Issue

rarely is the pain of the queer community talked about beyond a homophobia level. too few feel strongly about gay life in the 60s. (always look into lgbt history it’s some of the greatest stuff ever and it’s well documented) an era where queer culture was more apparent in public, but still wrong. where people could be all like that but as a joke ofc. this movie is sad. it’s sad and angry and mean and nothing good really happens in it. but nothing really bad either. it’s a deep rooted sad. these men are isolated from society, hate themselves, and seem to see the worst in each other despite being each others only real friends. they insult each others age, race, apparent, effeminacy, intelligence, mental health, life style. most of them really truly hate each other. like they really truly hate themselves. life was fucking hell and they couldn’t even find community in it. that’s sad. they’re sad sad men. it’s not a fun watch with your family or friends movie. idk. it’s more of a watch alone and think about your life movie. how do you view yourself and your friends ? we all get old eventually.

anyway for a real review. the writing could be better and it could be longer. to make it feel more like a movie and less like an episode of a show we’ve never seen. i can think of endings that would have been a lot more satisfying without ruining the integrity of the whole concept. i wish they had given focus on all the characters and not just five of them because the others seemed more interesting honestly. glad i watched it tho. tex was my favorite. xoxo.

it’s on netflix and i put the link to watch free in the comments

[elliebear666]

Letter From My Child-Self

So, to preface, my therapist gave me homework months and months ago. I have rarely ever done the homework not because I didn't care or didn't want to, but because I kept forgetting... finally, months later, I got around to doing this. I'm... a little nervous to share this because it is an extremely vulnerable part of me. But... I figure, idk, I want to document it. And? If anyone out there reads this and finds something positive from it? That's amazing. This is dark, and heartbreaking, and mildly unhinged. But I think it is important that I was as open and honest as possible! I'll show this to my therapist next session!

Hey, Ellie.

It's me, Mattie.

We haven't talked in a while. I kind of miss when we used to talk a few years ago when Matthew first let you come out. We were all really scared that people would hurt you so we hid you so no one would. But we all got to spend time together. I wish we could have talked more but you needed to grow up I guess.

I think you're becoming a pretty cool lady. You're nice and you care a lot about people. You love your family and your friends a lot, even if you don't see your friends that much right now. I don't think you're doing as bad as you think you are. You really are mean to yourself and Matthew and I wish you would stop. We all worked so hard to protect you but now you're hurting yourself. It makes me sad that you feel so bad that you hurt yourself. But I understand because I also feel bad a lot. I pray a lot for things to get better but they never really do. I'm glad you don't have to deal with it all anymore though. I'm glad you're finally the person you are. I know it was super hard to live the way you were. I understand a lot more than anyone thinks I guess.

I guess I'm sad a bit because you really want someone to love you, but for so long you didn't really love yourself. So people could tell and it made them feel bad for you, but it didn't really make them want to love you in a relationship or whatever? It's really hard for people to love someone that doesn't like themselves as well as trying to love themselves. But I also know you really love people. I know you really loved your ex girlfriend. I'm sad that it got so bad though. I know you wanted to marry her and you never wanted that with someone else before so you must have loved her a lot. I hope I find someone I love that much one day. I think about getting married a lot sometimes but I think about being the girl and not the boy. I don't want to be a boy. Mom says I am and everyone says I am but I don't feel that way I just don't say anything to anybody. I tell people on the internet that I'm a girl and it makes me happy so I'll just keep doing that. I guess you understand what that's like more than anyone.

I think that you should try to get better. Not so you can do stuff other people think you should but so you can be happier. I know you want to be normal and do normal people stuff. I bet it's hard to deal with all the stuff you do. The people that made fun of you for how hard it is probably don't like themselves I guess. So I probably wouldn't listen to them much.

I'm super glad that you're being you though. I used to dream about flying away, and I'd day dream about being a girl but I'm embarrassed and I don't know what to say. I told dad that I wanted to do a movie where I'm a girl and I have the blonde wig and green dress and I'm the main character for once but I don't think he will because he only does what he wants to do and gets mad if we don't do it too.

I think you shouldn't give up on your dreams either! You're getting good at writing I think. It's hard to tell because you use some words that I haven't heard yet but I probably will eventually. The stuff you write seems really sad though and it makes me feel sad for you. I hope you follow your dreams and meet someone you love and live a happy life!

I was also thinking… it would be good for you to remember some things. Your girlfriend was really mean after you guys broke up but you were pretty bad too, maybe worse I guess. I know you feel super bad because you keep hitting yourself and hurting yourself with fire and it worries everybody. What I wanted you to remember, because those people were lying to you or about you and saying you weren't who you were, I want you to remember when we were on the computer at the trailer doing that learning game about I think it was the wild west. But one of the things you could click on was an old time dress, and we'd keep clicking it to see the woman in the dress. Do you remember how it made you feel? You wanted to wear her dress and be her. You thought it was pretty and wished you could wear something like that but we both knew mom and dad wouldn't let you and people might hurt you or mom and dad. I also want you to remember us telling people I was a girl that had parents with ponies. I know how much you and I liked horses. We liked dinosaurs and frogs and turtles too, but we really wished we could have a pony. I'm kind of sad we never did get one. I still think about it.

I know you used to have a lot of nightmares about stuff. Like about dad hitting mom and us kids. How scary he was when he got angry. We were all so scared all the time. I guess we haven't had much time to be kids. We do but also we don't I guess. It makes me sad. I know one of the things you can't forget is the time me, you, and your brothers were standing in the living room crying because dad was screaming at mom and she was crying and he pushed her and grabbed her hair and pulled her into their room. She screamed while he was pulling her and she screamed a lot once the door closed. He was hitting her and she was crying and we were so scared but we couldn't do anything. We were just kids. Or all the times I was crying so dad hit me or yelled or threw things at me. I don't know why he doesn't like me crying or being emotional. He's really awful and we all hate him, but we are more scared of him.

I also think a lot about the time we were at Jenny Wiley park at the lake and mom was going home to do some stuff but it looked like it was going to start raining but dad decided to swim across the lake for some reason and he left us there on the beach while people drank beer and were loud. I felt upset and scared, but I tried not to show it. I guess I feel like that's what he always does. He leaves and doesn't seem to care about us. He's not kind. One time, mom broke her foot because Jack's leash got wrapped around her ankle and she fell. But dad was yelling at her and telling her to stop crying because people would hear her. I was really upset because I knew she was hurt. But he didn't care or seem to notice she was really hurt. I don't know why. He doesn't seem to care or notice when we are hurt and if we cry or are loud he gets mad and yells and sometimes he gets into fights with mom about it. It's scary.

I also know you remember the stuff your older brother did to you. He was really awful. Older brothers are supposed to protect their siblings, especially their little sisters, but he didn't. He hurt us a lot. He's really mean and he keeps killing animals and they scream and he doesn't seem to care. I cry, but he just pushes me to do stuff I don't want to do so I do it anyway. One time he saw a big turtle, like a really big one! And I saw it because I loved turtles and I was going up to look at it and he picked up a big rock and smashed the turtle with it. It twitched some and there was blood everywhere and I cried a lot but he laughed at first then told me not to cry or tell mom so I didn't. I never tell mom or dad about the stuff he does. I want to but I don't. I don't really know why. He keeps hitting the dogs too and he's really scary sometimes. He also pees on my face in the shower but mom thinks he's just being silly but it doesn't feel that way. We do other stuff too, where I get to be a girl. I almost want to tell him that I am, or want to be, or something I guess. But I don't. Instead, I get to be the wife when I lay on top of him in his room and I really like that. We don't do a lot, we touch each other and stuff, but it makes me happy that I get to be a girl. I wish I could always be a girl but I guess I'm a boy. Mom keeps cutting my hair and I cry because I want long hair but she says I have to cut it or I'll get ticks. She says I look handsome but I'm just upset. The other girls in the park don't cut their hair during summer. Why do I have to? I don't really feel like a boy but I also don't know how to talk about my feelings and stuff. I don't really understand all of it. Mom and dad don't talk to me about that really so I mostly just keep stuff to myself.

I know you remember all this stuff. I wish I could have long blonde hair. I actually had a dream that I was a girl with really long curly red hair and I was on a cliffside with a Lassie dog and the grass was really tall. In the dream I look over the ocean and I feel good. But something is also not right? I think in the dream I'm sad and I don't know why. I have this dream a lot. A lot a lot I guess, where I'm this girl with her dog.

I guess that I learned some stuff from all of this at least. We get homeschooled so mom doesn't let us go outside until after the other kids get home from school. I learned a lot from her, but I also forget stuff a lot and she gets upset with me because I forget stuff so much. She said I would lose my head if it wasn't screwed on. I guess I just don't pay attention a lot. I'm daydreaming or thinking and I just don't remember what I'm doing or why. I lose stuff a lot too and I really hate cleaning my room because it is super hard. I end up taking forever because I try to play with or get distracted by a toy or something I find and forget where I was at in cleaning and it is really hard to make myself do it so I cry and mom and dad yell at me. Sometimes they help me.

I think you should work more on trying not to forget stuff because you'll end up getting in trouble a lot. I know you used to think about being a girl a lot, but just like me you didn't know what to say so you just told people you're a girl on the internet and it made you happy. I also know you dated that guy when you were thirteen or so and he was about sixteen but you told him you were 16. He was the same age as your older brother but his name was Tony. You really had feelings for him but you used pictures of girls that you weren't and you were upset that you couldn't be her. You wanted to be her so much you were really sad. That's why you make all your game characters girls. You liked the name Sarah a lot and I understand. It's a really pretty name. You ended up telling Tony the truth but it broke your heart. I remember you were so hurt and you cried and were upset when you and him got xbox together and your friends called him your butt buddy. You didn't know what to say but it hurt your feelings because you weren't a guy, really. Even if you had guy parts.

It's sad all this stuff that happened but you at least learned who you didn't want to be. Dad was awful and you learned how to care about people. But it was hard for you because you feel a lot and you don't know what to do with those big feelings. I don't either but dad doesn't like it when I cry so I try not to. I guess you at least know that if you're ever a mom you will treat your kids better. And, I wish you would stop telling people you're a normal girl? You're a girl but you're not a normal girl, I guess. I know it makes you so sad that you cry a lot and hurt yourself. I know you cry a lot because you can't have babies. That's really sad and I wish it was different but it isn't I guess. You know who you are at least. Even if it took a long time to be you. You're doing it now and I'm proud of you.

I talked a lot about bad stuff, but I also want you to remember good stuff that happened! Like when we went to Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Like two of them I think! And the zoo's and the theme parks! Like Dollywood! Or that night where you and your older brother crawled under the neighbor's trailer during a big storm to save those baby puppies that were under the trailer! We felt so good that we'd saved the puppies. Or, do you remember when we first started playing Final Fantasy 8 on the playstation? I know you loved that game a lot! It had romance and you wanted to be Rinoa. You watched the intro a lot and took the instruction booklet with you and asked mom if you could listen to Breathless from the Corr's on the portable CD player. You listened to it again and again while you thought about being Rinoa. I remember it made you happy. She was so pretty and you wanted to be like her. Do you remember the first time someone called us "She"? I know I'll never forget! I was being a girl for one of dad's movies and I got to wear a wig and that green dress so I wore mom's shoes and I went outside because I wanted people to see I was a girl. I really wanted people to see me as a girl.

For the movie I had to get hit by a car for one scene, and I was lying in front of the car by the front wheel, and an old lady got super upset and pulled over and ran over to us and said, "Is she okay!?" And I know it made me feel so good. That someone called me she? They saw me as a girl? I knew then even more that I wanted to be treated that way. I wanted to be called "she" but I only could do it online when I talked to other people in gamespy lobbies and stuff. That was one of my biggest moments as a kid! I've never been able to forget it! I know you didn't either! I also remember how I used to record my voice with the stand up microphone and I'd change it so it sounded like a girl. It made me so happy! I know you did that a lot too, and didn't want to talk in games with people because you didn't sound like a girl. You thought a lot about voice changers but you couldn't find one that would work. Now you don't need one!

I guess now I said all that, I want to ask something from you, Ellie? Sorry I wrote a lot. I guess I had a lot to say. Ummm. I want you to start loving yourself more. And loving that you are who you are. Because *I*really, really want to be who *you* are. It makes me sad and hurt when you tell yourself you hate yourself because I know how much happier you are now that you're a girl. Though I guess you always were a girl, you just look more and sound more like one now too!

I wish too that… you would be safe for the nieces and nephews. Because I need a safe person I could tell anything. I don't really have anyone I can tell my secrets to. I wish I had you so I could tell you my secrets. I feel like you'd have taken me away. Even though mom and dad said they'd have me taken away or that I'd get taken if I told anyone what dad did. I feel like you would take really good care of me, even if you would forget stuff a lot. Because you can say "no"! I can't really. If I do, dad hits me and then sometimes hits mom.

Can you please stand up for us? And… Can you please not let people be bad to us anymore? Matthew can't protect us anymore. So you've got to. But I think you'd be a better mom than Matthew would have been a dad. He didn't want to be a dad. Or a brother or a son or husband. So he said he'd never have kids or get married.

Would you be willing to maybe… draw or paint with me sometimes? I like doing that a lot. We could paint cats or draw dragons and knights! I miss watching you and your old girlfriend paint. I wanted to play with her but I was scared and Matthew was always worried she would leave him. But she said she loved him a lot and called him "baby" and they kissed and laid together a lot so I think she did. I don't know though. I guess we all miss her.

Also um… can you please be more nice to everyone? I know Matthew was really sad and upset and he was hurting himself and wanted to die… he said that a lot. But you don't have to live like that anymore. I know you don't look how you should and you have to change your voice… but it makes me feel scared when you get mad at people. You get so mad and it reminds me of dad only… he didn't apologize. You do, though. I guess you should try not to do stuff you need to apologize for.

I guess the last thing is that… when you get a boyfriend or a girlfriend, would you maybe… be a kid sometimes with them? I won't come out. You'll just be little Ellie. But that's good enough for me. I guess I'm a little sad about how things are. I feel lonely and sad and I don't know what to do. I want friends, but I want to be friends with girls. But all the girls you could have been friends with you ended up liking. Or they stopped talking to you when they got boyfriends. I know how sad you were about that. It happened. A lot. You felt like I do about mom and dad and everyone I guess. Like they don't love me or want me. Like they'll leave me alone and I'll be alone. I don't want to be alone, Ellie. I don't like being alone...

I miss your ex girlfriend's friends sometimes. Not all of them. Some of them were mean. But it felt good to have girls to talk to. We both get really, really lonely. I wish I could have talked to them and told them things but I don't guess they cared. They were her friends not yours. You tried to be friends but… you did really bad stuff and then no one wanted to talk to you anymore.

Don't be like dad and your older brother. I know you're not but sometimes I feel like you forget that you've never been like them. We are so sensitive… and we feel so much. I get overwhelmed a lot. You do too. But I'd rather feel too much than not enough.

Ellie? I love you so much. I know you love me too and I wish that things were different for us. I wish we'd been born right but I guess it's just part of our story.

Sometimes I miss Matthew too. Not… that I want to be him but… he was my friend. And he was your friend too. I got so used to him being around that I miss having a guy like him in my life I guess. I guess you do too.

I wonder if his ex girlfriend experienced him the same way we did? He really loved people a lot but he was really hurting and sad and he was so angry and lost. I think he saw parts of you in her, Ellie. He saw someone like you. You saw parts of yourself through his eyes. And you wished you could be like her. I'm sorry stuff got bad. I know you wanted to be her friend, but you and Matthew loved her so much I don't think you could have ever been her friend because she would have other boyfriends and it would hurt you so much you'd cry. But you would have stayed because you loved her. So... I guess that's part of why you pushed her away. Because if you saw her kissing someone else it would make you want to die and it would hurt too much.

Please be good to yourself. We all love you so much and we are proud of how far you've come.

The last thing is… don't hate Matthew? He didn't act right. And he hurt people and was mean sometimes. But he always meant well. He really loved people. He just didn't love himself because he wasn't even real I guess. Don't hate him or blame yourself. He made mistakes. You made mistakes. But… all of those bad things he did, he wished every day he could take it back and make it right. He kept hurting people even though he didn't want to. I guess he was hurting so much that everyone around him ended up hurt too. Which is sad.

Matthew and I still love you so much and we will always be here if you want to talk. We know you're here for us too.

Thank you for being you, Ellie.

Love,

Mattie

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Omg, thank you for replying to my ask. (*/ω＼*) Yay so excited to hear about your Lokane fic! Such a Heraklean effort! I have a similar problem with a novel-length WIP, actually near the same emotional peak and I really think it must be that last final push that's almost harder than anything else - in a way I don't want to finish mine! I had a similar rule about not starting other WIP's so I have a document where I've amassed everything I'm not writing, and that's helped me a little because it feels like I've 'done' something so I can do other stuff haha.

Regarding Solas/Lavellan: don't worry about a disappointing response, to be totally honest I was a bit worried you already didn't like it (though wanted to know what emotional chord didn't work for you), but the fact you're not familiar with it is almost kind of better!! It's one of those pairings for me that manages to hit the epic romance notes and actually consummate the romance and then affirm the narrative importance, which is already pretty hard to do with a video game (and often times I'm left disappointed by pairings grounded primarily in potential). I can't really reveal too much about Solas because learning about him is the journey but if you like your trickster god/vulnerability/concealed pain/the dinan'shiral (the Journey of Death) that love endures against etc. it's all there. A non-spoilery detail I like about him is that sometimes when he talks he speaks in iambic pentametre or the musical notes of Hallelujah, so there's a poeticism to him and subtlety to his character execution that I just love.

I think the only drawback to Solas/Lavellan is that because it's a game it's more of a time investment and you also need the Trespasser DLC for full effect, but honestly you can watch it on YouTube lol. There's a lot of lore that enhances the pairing as well. I don't think you need to really play the first two games to 'get it', but I generally enjoy Bioware games and I think they're both fun experiences. The Solas/Lavellan romance also doesn't have an awkwardly animated sex scene, if that puts you off like it does me, though it's not entirely lacking eroticism.

wank magnet tragic murder boy

I love this thank you hahahaha.

If you ever get around to playing Dragon Age or watching the romance on YouTube, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it, though my curiosity is now successfully sated! Thank you! (Hopefully my ask doesn't come off as pressuring you to get into it... mostly I'm just surprised/happy you didn't know much about it hahah!)

Also, as one final departing remark, yes, I'm actually the same regarding genuinely Nice Guy/Ingenue/Bad Boy, but I don't really gravitate towards that dynamic because it can come off as a bit superficial to me and I cannot STANDDDD love triangles unless it was only ever a matter of who she 'should' be with versus whom she really wants, it has to be true love soulmatism or I cry!!!

Hope you have a lovely day and good luck with fic writing!

Yeah, I pretty much know some memes about Solas and that he apparently betrays the PC somehow. And people debate his motives and level of sincerity a lot. But I know so little about the plot that I've forgotten most of the details I ever came across. Poetry is a selling point! but I really can't say whether I will vibe with the ship or not based on what I know. The sad murder boy really has to hit a specific way for me.

Yes, exactly! I feel exactly the same way about love triangles. I talked about this before, but I hate them unless they're the forgone conclusion kind where it's not about who she actually loves (because this is never in doubt), it's about whether she's going to choose love over pragmatism or whether true love will conquer outside circumstances, etc. I think it was in my first ramble about Fated to Love You, which is a great example. All three characters know Mi Young is in love with Gun, the tension is always about whether they will overcome both the internal and external obstacles separating them and take the risk for true love or if she'll settle for playing it safe in a platonic pseudo-relationship with Daniel where her heart can't be broken.

If there's genuinely romantic feelings for more than one person and the middle point is not just in denial about where their heart lies, I'm out lol.

Ditto! ;)

[vizthedatum]

An example of how my ex/spouse used covid as a justification for imprisoning me (in the name of isolation) and then blamed me for making them feel suicidal (and also prohibited me from swimming)

This happened when I went to a really important party/event (that marked a huge life event!) in September 2022 for a very close friend (immunocompromised) which consisted of 10-15-ish people (the majority of which were immunocompromised and/or had chronic health conditions) that my ex was also invited to... that they knew I was going to... where they knew it was going to be a potluck... where I only drank water but I did unmask D: (note that Jon and I were both vaccinated at this point and additionally, we had already contracted and recovered from covid in August 2022 (besides the fact that we had hella antibodies, it's not unreasonable to go to a small apartment event for a close friend after being vaccinated)) My friends and I even had a messenger group chat for this event: tracking symptoms and, in general, being excited that we could be there for our fucking amazing friend.

... and then at the end of the party, Jon got super super upset at me - I came home and Jon made me isolate on the second floor of our home for several days when I didn't want to. It was imprisonment. They brought me food/water to my door. I couldn't come down. They wouldn't listen to reason. I was trapped. I felt... like I was the worst person ever - my PMDD (and depression and... me) was blamed (especially when I plunged into a deep depression). I self-preserved as much as I could (writing, texting friends, crying, listening to music, etc.)... but I... was so sad. So heartbroken and sad.

Later, they told one of their best friends "what I did" and she thought I should be mentally institutionalized (more on this later - this is one of my greatest fears, and they knew and they used it against me).

Meanwhile, all my friends, including the ones with serious health and autoimmune conditions, are hanging out and going outside.

I'm an epidemiologist: I know, from the data, that the vaccines work. I know how to assess risks. I know that nothing is foolproof and that you can't guarantee 100% safety. I knew that socialization and seeing people was ESSENTIAL to my self-care... and managing my stress to prevent my own flare-ups. I tried so hard. I even made documents to track our covid-risk... and put all my activities (and the people I was going to see and estimates of how many people were going to be there...) on there. I researched microcovid calculators and the like. I told Jon everything I was going to do. And it wasn't enough. It never was. They never really wanted to collaborate with me - they just wanted me to do what they thought was best.

Even when I tried to gain perspective from them and reason with them... it was a disaster.

😭😭😭

And then they turn the tables on me and imply that I'm abusing them. Gaslighting at its finest:

Not to mention... they had gotten me to give up swimming (my favorite sport and form of exercise - something that I had been working so hard on my health to be able to really get back into doing!) and then we played mental and word gymnastics about how they weren't "making me" give up swimming.... even though they did. They gave me an ultimatum in July, I think. Anyway conversation continued:

They had told me that they would not blame me if we ended up getting sick with covid - but they did.

Is it overkill to share all of this so publicly? I don't know. All I know is that... I WILL NOT BE PUBLICLY OSTRACIZED AS "JON'S ABUSER" ANY MORE. Because fuck you - you tried to ruin my reputation and my sense of belonging (and mental/physical health).

Then I was told that I wasn't "giving up" swimming and that I was distorting reality:

... and then instead of saying "giving up" I had to just shut up and agree with Jon, using whatever language made them happy. No surprise, I flared super hard - I was in so much pain.

you'd think it ended there, but it didn't. They would bombard me with so many thoughts and questions (which is fine!) but they did not like being reasoned with. And it shut me down. I was afraid to talk to them most of the time because they'd yell at me. I was scared all the time. During the end of our relationship, my usual talkative nature dimmed down so much that I could barely communicate with them to the capacity I knew I could.

And then just... this:

Yeah - it did sting that they said I avoided talking about things that are challenging because I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT CHALLENGING THINGS. Always. It's like *my thing*

Also, I'm the one who has really worked their fucking ass off in therapy whereas my ex/spouse hasn't had medical/therapeutic/spiritual/whatever help in YEARS. YEARS.

I begged them so hard.

--

There were a lot of hypocrisies. I just hate it all. Writing about it makes it easier. Knowing that my friends believe me makes it easier.