#I no longer need my pills
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hey pyrrhic, I'm the anon who asked about adhd and executive function, whom you recommended meds to. I fully agree, problem is, I AM medicated (my bad did not include that relevant info). and I'm doing way better than before but nonetheless, this still happens. maybe I just gotta find a way to shoulder through the stuck door that makes it an Engaging Enough Challenge, so to speak (and make sleep/routine/self care improvements no doubt). thanks for reading and answering, I appreciate it!
maybe you should be medicated more
#not actually joking like your medication regime could maybe stand to be tuned up if you're still struggling#I have an amazing NP who specializes in ADHD and we were fine-tuning my blend for like 8 months#different pills different doses different times of the day to take them#we didn't stop tinkering with it until I said to her that I felt happy with my quality of life#and that I no longer felt like my ADHD prevented me from doing anything I wanted to be able to do#and we still meet every 3 months to make sure that's still the case and make adjustments if necessary#'I'm medicated' and 'I'm medicated as much as I need to be and in the way that I need to be' aren't the same thing
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Day 3
TAKE 2 TABLETS EVERY NIGHT AT BEDTIME
#inktober#mental illness#medication#medication tw#medication dependancy#major depressive disorder#living with cptsd#bpd#borderline personality disorder#didnt mean to get serious on main#these pills have been both a#blessing and a curse#I no longer have manic episodes#but now I don't feel anything about anything#other than the occasional angry or sad episdes#also cant help but spiral when reflecting on the past#and realizing almost all my major and minor life choices were driven by#my intense emotional impulses#i need the pills to feel normal and survive in society#but the pills kill everything I thought I was#i don't know who i am anymore#tag ramblings
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wondering why im so fucking sleepy for no reason then remembered I forgot to take my meds for 3 days
#how did i live in this world unmedicated like#i have always been this sleepy and tired all the time i just thought it was a personal flaw#taking adhd meds actually made me so#idk when i first had it i coulsnt stop telling my friends how awesome it was to be awake#its like theres no longer a heavy cloud over my consciousness 80% of the time#i could actually read books without dozing off it was amazing ..#so why did i forget...idk i just forgot. i have the forgot disorder#tbh a few months ago id know if i forgot my meds bc I'd just suddenly get sleepy in the middle of the day#these few days i just attributed it to academic stress and lack of sleep and what not but it only just occured to me like#uh#5 min ago#that this is how i feel without medication#cool. cool. i forgot about my brain condition and accidentally slept my whole morning away instead of writing my reports#its actually crazy to me that i need external influences to function normally like i need my awake pills#caffeiene doesnt even do shit for me#i need my stupid fucking cocaine#sorry im just angry at myself again for 1)wasting away hours being sleepu#2)forgot my meds made me remember my debuff. a reminder that i cant ever be normal#adhd is fun except when its not fun then. it fucking sucks#its only good for yapping
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Frogs!!!!!!
#sewing#handmade#plushie#frog plushie#frog#baby blanket#frog baby blanket#frog baby set for my neighbor’s niece#this frog is entirely handsewn#because until I gave up on waiting to improve with time and requested the breakthrough asthma meds from my doctor#I very much needed to sit the hell still#and I am not good at that#but handsewing keeps me sitting still for longer#I only accidentally dropped a frog leg on the living room floor#because I forgot I was sewing and that it was on my lap once#okay maybe twice#also I broke a needle hand sewing it and half the broken needle went down my shirt#did not get even a little stabbed by the needle though! and it did not break while inside the frog#all shards of needle are present and accounted for#(and are currently in the empty pill bottle currently designated for broken pins and needles so that they don’t stab anyone in the trash)
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back down from 5 meds to the original 2! you bitches wish you were this healthy and mentally stable 😃
#still having sinus and ear pressure problems#but its got just better enough that i no longer need predinsone + migraine injection + strong decongestant#finally back to just being on my ssri and the pill that makes my uterus stop trying to kill me
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if I go absolutely mad soon it's because I just took an old lorazepam
#old as in no longer prescribed to me because i don't need them (they're for emergencies and i refuse to have those)#but it's still in date it's still a good pill#i dont take lorazepam like ever so idk#it's my last ditch make-my-heart-stop-hurting try
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This eridan blog….its killing me lol I wish I could draw at lightning speed lol all the engagement is gonna make me cry lol I feel so bad that I can't answer everyone!!! 😩😩 I'm gonna do my best tho!
#it doesn't help that I don't have my meds right now#i need my peppy pills to make my brain stop being peppy lol#so I can concentrate for longer than 5 minutes#i also have so any ideas for replies that I think would be amazing#but it would take so long to draw!!#maybe I will group some questions together if they are simple enough lol
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Currently writing swap AU where Kim is just himself on hard mode. Like he wakes up in a clean, normal room, puts on the same outfit as always and doesn't tell anyone he's forgotten everything until Harry wheedles it out of him by badgering him for One Singe Secret (he cant remember any).
He then goes outside and points a gun at a civilian over a perceived threat.
#also he has a preexisting speed problem but because of the way he has a speed problem#(keeps a set number of pills in a little days of the week pill caddy with his ptsd medication)#he assumes they're like antidepressants or something#and just. keeps taking them? and it doesn't come up till after the tribunal?#also all the political alignments are variations on him going “no... that's too extreme... give me something reasonable”#and then going to a Fantasy Labour Party debate on how to reach across the isle to revacholean nationalists#or meeting with a group of small business owners to share finance tips and deductible loopholes. all of it feels hollow.#He also doesn't put on glasses for the first six to eight in-game hours#until Garte (who is cool with him because he pays his bills on time and hasn't caused a fuss) finally cracks and asks where they went#anyway its not going anywhere but im having fun#(pushes his career slider backwards)(raises the unfair treatment bar)#(tweaks the dials on his workaholic and repression meters to “worse”)(drives “need for control” display into the red)#(flips harry switch from “most fucked up man alive” to “somewhat better but still not doing well by any stretch of the imagination”)#ive done it ive made a version of this that I would enjoy#one of his thought projects is trying to write a facts and logic debunking of the insulindian phasmid#the solution is “it isn't real because its silly. im going to stop thinking about this now because I am solving a murder.”#+physique: no longer expending energy on debating dream logic#-morale: couldn't come up with a comprehensive refutation for giant stick bugs#harry hasn't gone full Tequila Sunset drives-my-car-into-the-sea but he has gotten pissed and told everyone to fuck off for three days
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i LOST my unopened birth control and i've been panicking ever since realizing that (last night)
i was going to call the pharmacy and ask if they had any way of filling another one so that i could be still taking my pills while searching for it, even if i have to pay for it without insurance, but they're closed today
#I've been in agony for a week#because. i felt like my hormones needed a reset. i was seeing the signs.#and normally I skip the placebo pills and just don't bleed at all#but I took the week of placebo pills.#which finished Thursday night#and to be fair. the reasons why I took the placebo pills are now fixed. it did it. it reset my body. that's good.#but on the other hand. I have been in incredible pain this last week. because that's the reason why I take the pills in the first place#i'm.... panicked a little bit#I don't want to be in pain any longer. trying to be calm and remind myself that I can get through this with Advil and wait it out#and I'm going to be cleaning... everything. and searching for where the pills could have gone#but what if I don't find them. and what if the pharmacy can't give me a refill even when it opens#augh
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it’s 2 am and all i can think about is insaneduo
#💬 one new message#i just love them so much#they mean everythign to me#you can’t see it but there are tears in my eyes#like look at them they’re so - gestures vaguely -#i’m fr always thinking about that one post which said forever and cellbit are two sides of the same coin#thinking about how despite everythign they trust each other the most out of everyine on the island#like even after everythign ghry went through in the divorce/betryal arc and now with the happy pills shit#like they both refuse to give up on each other and it makes me emotional#i’m quite insane so they way i think about them sort of is like how i think of desertduo in third life does anyone else see my vision#like “i trust you entirely i wouldn’t care if yiu killed me because it’s you and i love you”#“even if you betray me i couldn’t bring myself to hate you because i love you and i care about you and i know you inside and out”#like i have a very specific vision of them does anyone get it or am i just crazy and need to go to bed#- lays down face first on the floor - qinsaneduo is so good i hate them i hope they leave and never come back#you can tear them out of my cold dead hands i refuse to give them up#brain spinning around in circles thinking about qcellbit tearing up after pac and forever were given the antidote and just not getting a se#of rest. he only rested when he knew they were both safe. he brought oac home and then went to the ordo and stayed by forever side the enti#night. he didn’t even sleep he just watched his chest ride and fall reassuring himself that forever woudl be okay and they he was alive and#he would be back soon he just had to wait a little longer. maybe that’s when he finally cried just let himself feel and finally let it out#orrrgh#okay i’m done i m done rambling in tags i’m going to bed
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My internet has been investigated by a professional.
There might be something weird with the big cables (to quote the guy: the "inner-pair" and "outer-pair" of the eight-cables are of different lengths, but by all accounts still work just fine), but my own equipment has at least passed (no extra-fine for crying wolf for me).
The weird stability-thing continues to be weird. And current test is for them to switch my internet-provider (internet-provider has a use-contract with the cable-operators, who are the ones investigating) over the weekend. See if the problem is on that end.
It's possible that this is the case (at which point I guess I'll try to switch permanently), or that it's that weird cable-length resulting in the problem (which is... a whole different can of worms).
#also. after a full week with only paracetamol. i'm back on naproxen (self-decided) after sending an update to my doctor#(basically amounting to ''you do know that this spine-pain never actually goes away on its own. right?'')#(with an addition about how paracetamol doesn't even really do anything for me. as far as pain-reduction goes.)#(but yeah. the pain builds up over time. sometimes very little time is needed. but giving it more time isn't gonna make it go away)#(i know this bcs it took me EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS to get these pills in the first place. and they were the only things that helped.)#(you think i didn't try other pain-meds before that? you think i didn't try to exercise? you think i didn't change my sleep-posture?)#(i had eight months. i bought an entirely new fucking bed. i slept in a fucking hammock. i tilted my bed. i tried sleeping sitting up.)#(until naproxen? NOTHING FUCKING WORKED. and at this point... if i get heart-issues ten years from now?)#(at least i've had lived a comfortable life up until that point. and there's heart-medicine that can probably keep me going even longer)#bcs her most recent attempt at ''fixing my medication'' is effectively to tell me to close my eyes and make a wish#which isn't really a viable option. ''but exercise-...'' ''i've said MULTIPLE TIMES that exercise has never had an impact''#sure. exercises from the physiotherapist might have different results. but after a full month of them? no sign of those results.#and after one week off my pills (reduced)? i was sleeping in shifts (from back-pain) and struggling to stand straight#and my flexibility was so ruined that i suddenly remembered why i learned to never turn in my seat when reversing the car#(bcs i can't fucking move like that. moving like that is impossible. look in the mirrors. hope for the best)#so yeah. back on my pills. and my doctor can fight me over it. once they get around to reading my message.#won't stop me from doing the exercises. bcs let's face it i probably need them for other reasons. but yeah.#personal stuff#rants
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[image description: tumblr tags reading: #it is insane to me that ppl are still so reactionary abt this #oh you think restorative justice is evil and punitive justice is the only acceptable answer? #what are you a cop /end id]
"redemption arcs are toxic, you shouldn't try to fix someone!"
actually it is so important to me that being in community and experiencing human connection can save people. thanks
#reblog#i didn't relaise the internet was in its ''people can't change'' era#like sure there's some crimes that are absolutely unforgivable and that person could never be a normal member of society ever again#but that doesn't apply to everyone#a large amount of what are considered ''bad'' people can and should be redeemed and saved#and that should be shown in stories!#< prev#my stance on unforgivable/irredeemable people has always been this:#the things you have done can never be erased#there are people you hurt. there are consequences.#they may never forgive you#it may never be forgotten regardless of the present#and yk what? thats fine#part of improving is knowing that growth is not about erasing the past#the only thing you can do now is move forward#learn to live with yourself#this is something that so many people around me get wrong all of the time#they think that just because something happened decades ago#that suddenly all that hurt and trauma no longer matters#that you can no longer feel angry; that its something you can never talk about#and when you do talk about it; you must speak as if it is not them in the story#but hard fucking pill here#that IS you. you did do that. and it did fucking suck.#im not saying that you didnt change#im saying that that was YOU#both can coexist and you need to get over that#there's so much more to be said about this whole 'irredeemable person' mindset#like how theres no one person who can decide who is irredeemable and who isnt#and how trying to decide that can easily lead to bigotry#but this is the 30th tag so!!!
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man for the past week or so ive been having the kid of mania that means that my sleeping pills haven't worked but i've been acting mostly normal and feeling rather pleasant in spite of that so i kept skipping my adderall (didn't need to make myself MORE energetic and i've gotten plenty done) but today i felt like shit so i took it and man its hitting so hard. i know im not eating enough but ohhh my god every time i go like an hour without eating something i swear my teeth start chattering
#red rambles#for the record A) yes it works perfectly normal most of the time and sometimes even puts me to sleep; i am still manic and i think#thats why its hitting so damn hard; b) im on such a low dose my psych expected to need to bring me up to about double where i'm at to make#it start working and was really surprised that i wanted to stay on a super low dose (im broke & it worked)#i mustve been off my meds longer than i expected though#tolerance break from your rx pills?
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"Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel." - Me trying hard not to get angry at video games (even though this was previously never a problem) because I know it makes me play worse
#Me#I need to take a chill pill#Apparently my body can no longer produce the chill chemicals by itself
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😭 i will never learn
#I'm feeling absolutely miserable#like my face is actually looking miserable af#i usually smile a lot or keep a neutral expression ect#and i though that it was bc my sister went out with my super transphobic ex best friend#or the fact that he is actually here and not in lesbos where his college is#he is literally staying a street away that person that hurt me so badly is a 2 minute walk from here#i even though that it might be feeling this way bc i had a long and difficult week and I'm finally collapsing bc i no longer need to keep u#appearances or even bc the stupid car crash gave me fucking vertigo#but the truth is actually a lot stupider#like yeah those things obviously impacted my mental health#BUT I ALSO HAVEN'T TAKEN MY PILLS IN 3 FUCKING DAYS#my dopamine is literally crushing#no wonder i feel like not even moving#💀💀💀#for a moment i actually thought that things were getting bad again#NO YOU STUPID BITCH YOU ARE JUST LOW ON DOPAMINE#it's weirdly comforting
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i made these meatball things owo
#stream#food#food tw#yes i finished them at like 4.30a#so what if it’s 5a & im finally in bed#i’m pretending to reset my sleep cycle tomorrow now that my depression doesn’t exist#(until i make up in the morning)#((but im going to take 2 pills MAYBE))#(((i’ll definitely take 1 but maybe i can stagger like 1 in the morning 1 a few hrs later u know what i mean but also like ‘as needed’#but it’s going to be as needed everyday)))#((((but u know im just … hoping for the best here))))#anyway#i was like let’s make these meatballs but w a like dough around it but then i was like wow this is taking longer than i want so i just#sprinkled the dough kinda & mashed it through u know what i mean ? & they were SMACKIN#stuffed w red onion & garlic w cheese#the way i’m makin yall read all that before i tell u the innards#also it’s cayenne paprika & black pepper then when i fried the beef balls i put on chives & coriander idk the american word rn#americans google coriander it’s the yummy gene w soap#also i fried em in butter & i used corn flour i fried everything in butter the red onion & garlic was browned then stuffed into the balls#welsh cheddar cheese#black pepper obvs#im out of cumin but that would’ve gone in too#GOOD#WILL MAKE AGAIN BUT IM GOING TO DO POULTRY BC HINDIS#like kp & abhishek r both hindi & don’t eat beef & i want to cook for them !!!#kp was so upset like BRO I SAID IT WAS BEEF OMAR WAS LYING TO U LIKE THE SLAG HE IS IM NOT GOING TO LIE TO U#ALSKAKSJAKSKDLSKDKAJDKA#BITCH !!!!!!! i had to use the REST of the BEEF SOMEHOW#🙄🙄🙄#W JALAPEÑOS OMG
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