#I need to sleep later than 5 (with drunk screams starting at 4) tonight please please

[lairn]

I haven’t had therapy in about 6 weeks because of fieldwork. I have an appointment next week and am kinda looking forward to openly crying over my pet and school-related stress.

[trillian-anders]

therapy

pairing: ransom drysdale x reader

warnings:  angst, fluff, mental illness, eventual smut && SPOILERS 

word count: 16k 

description: part 4 of 5. SPOILERS; DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM -- ransom’s therapy sessions during the assitant && four christmases and a little bit beyond.

note: so this took me forever and i was originally going to write couples therapy at the end, but it just didn’t flow as nicely. i’m probably only going to write one more part for this, but i hope you guys enjoy it. honestly. i’m writing this for you. 

session #1

“Court mandated therapy,” He scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest. “What a fucking joke.” He looked across the dining table at you, noticing how you were growing impatient. This whole situation, you moving in and encroaching on his bachelor pad, the house arrest, was fucking annoying. And now therapy. Your jaw twitched in annoyance, a tell tale sign he knew well.

“You’re getting off easy,” you would remind him, “I’m taking your punishment after all.” Taking his punishment, sure, and getting paid almost 210k a year to do it. There’s no sympathy there. You’re getting your money and his life goes on, almost, as normal. 

To be fair he was pretty fond of you. You were the only consistent thing in his life for the past two years as much as he’d hate to admit it, nothing would get done if you weren’t around. Not a damn thing. He’d never tell you that though. Especially not now when you’re rearranging his unused study for use of him and the therapist who would be arriving soon, setting out water, a couple snacks, and optimistically tissues.

“Just in case.” You told him. Ransom doesn’t cry. He remembers the last time he really cried, like really cried and it was when he was a kid. His father had laid into him for playing with his novelty golf clubs. Screaming, red faced, spittle landed on his own hot cheeks. 

He shook his head to rid himself of the memory. 

“I don’t want to do this.” He sounded like a child, whining. He knew. But to be fair, he really didn’t want to fucking do this. He watched you walk away towards the kitchen to clean up what you’d made for lunch. You’d only lived with him for a week, but it was longer than any other woman had ever stayed with him. 

It was strange. 

He felt his cock twitch in his pants as he stared at your ass while you wiped down the counter, catching crumbs. You hated him, he knew. Not completely, which he also knew, but enough that you’d never fuck him. Why would you want to?

He couldn’t resist, wrapping his arms around you from behind as you rinse the rag off in the sink. “You can tell them I’m sick, can’t come down.” Muffled into her shoulder. He really sounded like a child now, Mommy please make the bad guy go away, I don’t want to see him.

“This could be really good for you Ransom.” Her damp hands covering yours. “Go get changed, he’ll be here soon.” He was still in his gym clothes, sweat ring dried around his neck. He was sure he smelled pretty foul too, about thirty minutes later and a quick jerk in the shower left him a little more relaxed than before. 

The man was older, bald, glasses. He looked like he just stepped off the screen typecast as a therapist in a psych ward. Tweed. So much tweed. He started a tape recorder, “My name is Henry Dowd.” You had greeted Dr. Dowd with a pleasant smile and shook his hand. Ransom had immediately felt a vein of envy, you’d never smiled at him like that. “I’m fifty-seven years old, I’ve been practicing for just about 25 years now—“

“Fantastic doc,” Ransom sunk back into his chair, “Listen, what do I have to pay you to make you go away?” The Doctor froze, adjusting his glasses before leaning back in his own chair. 

“Do you often use money to eliminate things that make your life uncomfortable?” Of course he did. He immediately thought of you, sitting not more than twenty feet away probably unironically watching Forensic Files on the couch while folding his laundry. 

“I don’t need therapy.” Ransom scoffed, “C’mon.” He smirked at the Doctor, “You don’t wanna make this drive every week just like I don’t wanna sit in this room and whine to you about my problems.” 

“So are you admitting you have problems?” The Doctor asked, fingers meeting his chin. 

Ransom didn’t like this guy. Fuck this guy. Ransom stared at him in silence for a minute.

“What’s your plan here Doc?” Legs spread wide, sunk in the armchair, Ransom mimicked studying the man just as he was studying Ransom. 

“Hopefully we will discuss what in your life led you to murdering someone simply because you weren’t going to get you allowance anymore.” The Doctor was slick. He said it with an air of superiority. 

Fuck this guy. 

“You wanna know?” Ransom asked, sitting up and leaning forward in his seat. “You really wanna know why I murdered her [Fran]?” 

The Doctor’s eyebrow raised.

“She didn’t tuck in the corners of my sheets how I like em.” Ransom smirked. 

The Doctor hummed in response, taking a notepad and scribbling something down. 

“What’re you writing?” Ransom tried to peer at the legal pad in the man’s lap. Dowd lifted it away from his gaze. “This is fucking pointless.”

“Whether you like it or not I’ll be with you for an hour every Thursday for the next 104 weeks.” Dowd smiled, “Whether you take this seriously or not is up to you, but I’m sure someone as intelligent as you knows that you will get as good as you give. The whole reason for me being here is because you have no money, isn’t that correct?” Ransom’s jaw clenched. “So I’m not going to take your bribe, but you can go ahead and try next week if you’d like. Maybe between now and then you can think of something to talk about.” Dowd packed his belongings, shoving the tape recorder in a side pocket of his bag and scribbling once more on his legal pad before storing that too.

“That’s it?” Ransom looked at the clock. It had only been twenty minutes. Dowd smiled at him.

“I’m going to give your babysitter out there some homework for you in preparation for a week from today.” Dowd went to leave the room, “Let her know I’ll take a tea next time.” 

Ransom’s knuckles were white, fisted at his sides, he stood up from the chair a minute later, peeking out into the living room to watch you talk to the Doctor, a soft smile on your face. He wanted to hit him.

He wanted to hit him real fucking bad. 

He watched you gently place a hand on the Doctor’s arm and guide him from the house. “We’ll see you next week!” The door shut and the smile fell from your face, turning to meet his eyes in the doorway of the study. You let out a heavy sigh and rubbed your temples.

“You can’t try and bribe a court mandated therapist Ransom!” There was a fire in your eyes, it made his cock twitch. He had a brief thought about biting your bottom lip, “He can actually help you!” You continued as you approached, walking by him to clean up the snacks and water that went untouched.

“I don’t need help.” He claimed. You gave him a disbelieving look.

“You need help.” He felt his neck flush with anger. 

“Fuck you.” He watched as you walked away from him, not responding. “You need help. What kind of fucking person agrees to take someone’s house arrest huh?” He asked, following you into the kitchen. “You’ve got to have some kind of fucking issues doing something like that.” You’d slammed the tray on the counter, turning to look at him angrily. He was at half mast. 

“Why don’t you go out Ransom?” You seethed, “Go have a drink.” He could feel his face heat up, he’s not going to let you win this. 

“You know what?” He spat, “I think I will. I’m going to take my untethered ass out. Have fun sitting inside these four walls for the next two years you ungrateful bitch.” He could tell you were holding back, but he didn’t wait for the response, grabbing his coat and slamming the door on the way out. 

Later that night, drunk and speech slurring he slammed the body of a girl against your door. Rutting his sloppy hips against her panty clad core. 

He’s not going to let you sleep tonight. 

You didn’t deserve to.

session #8

“We can sit here for the entire hour in silence, just like all the others,” Dowd started, “Or you can choose to talk today.” Ransom wouldn’t meet his eyes. He was still pissed that you’d taken his phone so he couldn’t sit here and stare at it like he had been for the last few weeks. 

“He told me that you’re on your phone the entire time!” You had shouted, “It’s disrespectful.” He’d rolled his eyes heavily, “He’s gonna come back every week whether you do something or not.” You seemed brave. Your started putting your foot down more lately. Ransom wasn’t going to lie to himself and say he didn’t like it. 

He was itching to do something else, anything else. The beginning of the manuscript that sat open on the desk behind him and he was pretty pissed he’d been disturbed right when he started chapter six. He found that if he was stopped in the middle of a chapter it was hard to get back into the flow of it, the words pouring from his mind out onto the computer screen faster than he could keep up with. 

It was like being edged.

Ransom was into instant gratification. 

He could hear an old clock he’d taken from his Grandfather’s study ticking on the bookshelf to his left. 

“I see you’ve begun writing.” The Doctor offered, “Have you always thought about writing a novel?” Ransom’s jaw twitched. 

“No.” 

The Doctor gave him a forced smile. “Have you found it enjoyable so far?” This was a waste of time.

“Yes.” 

Scribbling.

“What is your book about?” Ransom smirked.

“Murder.” The Doctor hummed, 

“Following in your Grandfather's footsteps then?” Ransom studied the Doctor for a minute. 

“What did your Grandfather do?” He asked the man. The Doctor tapped his pen against the armrest. 

“He was a traveling salesman.” Dowd humored him. “Much more lucrative business before the internet and the home shopping network.” 

“Didn’t know I’d be good at it.” Ransom admitted gruffly, “You wouldn’t be a good salesman.” Dowd gave him a real smile.

“I would be a terrible salesman.” 

Silence for a few minutes more. The ticking of the clock driving an ice pick into Ransom’s brain. 

“Do you think he would be proud of you?” Dowd asked. “Your Grandfather?” 

Harlan wasn’t proud of anyone but himself.

Linda had built a real estate empire and he still wouldn’t give her the validation of knowing she’d done a good job. His last dying action was letting her know her husband was fucking someone else. What kind of father was that? 

Harlan wouldn’t have cared if Ransom had begun writing before his death. He would have dismissed him. Not even competition. 

Ransom scoffed at the man’s question, not answering. 

“So he wouldn’t?” Ransom felt uncomfortable now. He watched the guy out the corner of his eye lift the tea cup you’d gently placed beside him before they began and raise it to his lips. Ransom had let his guard down. The guy was playing with him. 

“His opinion doesn’t matter to me.” Ransom spat, eyes flickering over to the clock. They still had thirty minutes left. 

“Seems like it does.” The Doc rubbed his fingers together, thinking. “What was Harlan Thrombey like?” Ransom sucked his teeth, 

“Why? You a fan?” He laughed, his hand gestures to the bookshelf beside him. “I got a couple signed copies up there if you want one.” 

The Doc shook his head, “He must have been pretty distant. I’ve heard writers tend to be.” 

“You’re basing your analysis off of rumor?”

“Well, you’re a writer,” he smirked, “You’re plenty distant.” Ransom’s knuckles grew white at his sides, 

“I’m not my Grandfather.” He said.

“No,” Dowd assured him, “You’re not. But we all bear the scars of our own upbringing in one way or another.” The timer went off. 

“Time to go, doc.” Ransom stared at him as though daring him to continue, but he didn’t. He turned the tape recorder off and packed his bag as usual. Ransom didn’t raise to watch him leave, but he heard him through the open door thank you for the tea.

“We have a couple different kinds if you’d like something different next time.” He hated the sound of you being pleasant right now, especially to that man. The fucking prick. 

“No, no. It was perfectly fine thank you.” The door shutting and the quiet ramble of the tv. Ransom shot from his seat, walking to the bar cart he’d had you set up in his room, he poured himself two fingers of whiskey and shot it back before pouring four. 

He’d heard you clear your throat from the doorway, coming in to clean up the doctor’s empty teacup and his own untouched coffee. “How was your session?” You asked him. 

He felt heat creep up his neck. “Get out.” 

He could feel your eyes on his back, the rattling of the cups as you gathered them with one hand, your other coming to rest on the middle of his back. 

“Ransom, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He slowly turned, taking a sip of his whiskey and grabbed your arm, the promise of never hurting you again that he’d made after his birthday dinner alerting him somewhere in the back of his mind. 

He attentively grabbed your arm in a soft grip, “Get out.” Whether it was a plea or demand he didn’t know. He held direct eye contact, your face held a flash of fear. Somewhere he would feel guilty about this. He’d released your arm and watched you walk from the room, casting him one more glance before he none to gently slammed the door behind you. 

Later that night he could swear he had alcohol poisoning. An angel had rolled him into his side as he’d vomited. She’d gotten him into bed, she’d even undressed him and was kind enough to leave a glass of water and two aspirin on his night stand. 

It must have been a dream, because his study was spotless the next day and the bottle of whiskey he’d sworn he’d reached the bottom of sat full on his bar cart. He looked over to you for a moment, hand holding the cup of coffee you’d wordlessly prepared for him, before entering his study and shutting the door.

It was your job, why would he be surprised that you’d done it? And why should he thank you?

session #12

“Let's talk about something else today.” Dowd started, “You’re not giving me much headway for your family so let’s talk about something you love talking about.” He gave a playful smirk, “Yourself.” 

Ransom rolled his eyes, cocking his head to the side looking at the Doctor across from him. The door had just shut and the prick was starting straight out the gate. It’s been four months and he hadn’t gotten anything out of this yet, other than being irritated and his monthly liquor consumption increasing exponentially. He’ll humor him. 

“Why not?” Ransom shrugged, sinking into his seat, resting his ankle on his knee. “Whatcha got Doc?”

“What did you like to do before the trial?” He asked, “Give me a day in the life.” Ransom traced his bottom lip with his tongue before starting. 

“I would wake up, go to the gym, come home, eat breakfast, watch some tv, go out with friends.” He shrugged. “The usual.” 

“Do you still have contact with these friends?” No. He didn’t. He jaw locked. 

“No.” The Doctor nodded. 

“So where does Y/N come into this day?” Ransom shifted in his seat. 

“She would work 9 am to 9 pm, Tuesday through Saturday.” He picked a piece of lint off of his pants. 

“And what does she do for you?” What do you not do for him? 

“Cook.” He stated. “Clean.” A smirk pulled across his lips, “Take out the trash.” By trash he meant whatever girl he brought home the night before a joke he loved but you hated,

“They’re real people with real feelings Ransom.” You would tell him.

“Does she do anything else?” Dowd asked. 

Ransom thought about the house arrest bracelet on your ankle, “She’s my assistant, so she does whatever I need her to.” He shrugged. 

“And how does she fit into your day?” Ransom shook his head, 

“She’s just there.” He gently bit the inside of his cheek. “She’s always just there.” The Doctor scribbled something into his notepad. 

“How long has she worked for you now?” 

“A little over two years.” Ransom fingered the handle of his coffee mug before decidedly bringing it up to his lips, he woefully realized that he could go for some whiskey in it. 

Next time, he assured himself. Next time. 

“Does she provide some stability for you?” The coffee mug clanged heavily on the end table next to him. 

“I’ve always had stability.” Lies. 

The Doctor took a sip of his tea, “But surely having companionship on a daily, consistent, basis must give you some comfort seeing as you no longer have contact with your friends.” It was jab wasn’t it. The friends not being there anymore. 

To be fair as soon as Ransom was arrested and the news of the will broke he's not surprisingly had no longer been invited out. His so called friends seemed to be surprisingly absent in his time of need, but he reasoned if it had been any of them in his situation he would have done the same. They all knew they were parasites sucking off of each other, he didn’t need them anyway. He’d found a new source. 

“Why are you making a big deal out of it?” Ransom snapped. “She works for me, that’s that.” The Doctor shrugged, 

“If that’s how you feel.” Ransom scoffed, shaking his head.

“It is.” It wasn’t. 

The two of you had been living together for four months now. He’d seen you wet from the shower. He knew what your perfume smelled like, distinctively. He figured he could pick you out of a crowd by scent alone. Everything you cooked tasted better than any food he’d ever had in his entire life. Sometimes when you were in an especially good mood you made these cookies with caramel in the middle and he’d eat three straight from the oven. Tongue being burned by molten caramel be damned. 

He found himself looking at you sometimes, like really looking at you. Your brows would pull in concentration as you read the pages he gave you. Watching how you always slowly clicked the pen cap, sometimes sticking the pen in your ponytail when you’d get up to go make yourself your second cup of coffee. You always had two. Every morning. 

He found himself not knowing why it mattered so much. Why your opinion mattered so much. His novel was almost finished but he had the feeling if you didn’t like it he would throw it straight into the garbage. Himself with it. 

There was something about it, the contact. You didn’t seem to mind so he began taking different liberties. It’d started with hugs. He cringed at the thought of him sitting in your living room when you still lived in that god awful apartment. The scent of the building a mix of different foods seeping through the walls that almost made him sick. He hadn’t known what possessed him to do it, but pulling you into his lap had been one of the most comforting moments of his life. 

He was touch starved he’d supposed, but it didn’t make much sense. He got plenty of touch from whoever was spreading their thighs for him. He had scratches down his back to prove it. Something was just different. 

He would feel almost high with his arms wrapped around you. God forbid there was skin to skin contact somewhere. He would get lost in it. Hugs turned into thighs pressed against one another on the couch. An arm slung over the back, twirling a strand of your hair around his fingers. 

“Do you feel like you’ve always had stability?” The Doctor brought his attention back, Ransom blinked twice as if in a daze. 

“Of course.” He shrugged, “I had routine before all of this. I did the same thing every day and while those things changed, I have a consistent routine now.” The Doctor scribbled.

“Have you always had a routine or is it something that’s developed over time?” Truth he told his routine formed the day you walked through his front door the first time. The constant schedule that you’d laid out for him, right up to you finishing the dishes and leaving at 9 pm on the dot. He would follow you out into his own car and leave for the evening. A bar, a club, a dinner party. 

“Over time.” He’d answered. He looked at the door, as though he could look through it and see you sitting on the sofa playing a game on your tablet, whatever show you were bingeing playing in the background. 

The Doctor hummed. The timer went off. The session was over. 

Tikka Masala. That’s what you’d made for dinner. He’d been smelling it for the last hour sitting in the study still typing, two glasses of whiskey in. Not enough to be drunk but enough to feel it. 

“Are you going to eat here, or the dining room?” His eyes met yours in the doorway, you looked so soft. 

“Here.” He said, not having room for much else as you disappeared from the doorway, reappearing a minute later with a steaming bowl and placing it in front of him. You lay a hand on his shoulder, he found his head tilting to the side to rest against it almost instinctively. 

“How’s it coming along?” You’d stopped asking him about the therapy sessions. He thinks he probably scared you the last time you asked but that was just fine with him. He didn’t want to talk about it.

 Any of it.

“I’m gonna have another chapter for you to read in an hour or so.” He brought a steaming forkful to his lips.

“It’s hot.” But too late, in his mouth, trying to rapidly cool it like an idiot, but fuck if it wasn’t delicious. He saw you roll your eyes at him and he turned to watch you leave. He’d found a small joy in seeing your ass in yoga pants. A skirt. Jeans. Sweats. Whatever you’d decided to wear around the house. His dick stiffened at the thought of grabbing it.

But he was a little tipsy. And he was getting tired. 

He just wanted to finish the fucking book already.

 session #26

Ransom was not having a good day today. He’d stubbed his toe getting out of bed, his cursing woke up the redhead who was still tangled in his sheets. She tried to pull him back into bed which caused him to yell at her. So she cried and angrily threw her clothes on cursing him all the way out the door. He got to the gym and realized he’d forgotten his AirPods and had to do his workout without music. Then to top it all off someone had the audacity to have all of this happen on a Thursday. Fucking court-mandated therapy day.

He irritatingly wondered what color tweed Dr. Dowd would be wearing today. The fucking loser. His wife probably cucks him. He’s probably got a fucking micro. The lunatic. 

Ransom was seething. He’d already snapped on you twice, but to be fair you’d made him eggs when he wasn’t in the mood for eggs and then you were really calm about making him oatmeal. Too fucking calm. What was your problem? Jaw locked as he paced his bedroom. He wasn’t coming down. He wasn’t doing a session. He didn’t fucking want to. And no one could make him. 

He was wearing a hole in the carpet when you’d knocked. His anger flaring. Why couldn’t you just leave him alone? Why did you always have to be right there no matter where he went? He wretched the door open, “What?” He felt crazy. Maybe he was. 

You were staring at him with what looked like vague fear in your eyes, arms wrapped around yourself defensively. “Dr. Dowd is downstairs.” 

“I’m not coming down.” You sighed heavily, looking down the hall at the stairwell. 

“Ransom you have-” Door slammed he stared at the other side of it. 

“I don’t have to do shit.” He screamed, locking the door and sitting on the floor in front of it. He felt like a child. His anger while still bubbling in his chest, was slowly ebbing away to a simmer. He felt like an idiot. He heard your footsteps disappear down the hall. Now he was fighting with his pride. He lay back against the floor, two vertebrae cracking as he stretched it out, staring at the ceiling. 

It was silent for a minute. Then two. Then three. His breaths evening out as he lay on the rug, he could almost imagine himself sinking into the rug, becoming part of the stitching. His body dissolving into nothing. Was this depression?

Ransom would swear he’s never been depressed a day in his life. He has everything he could ever want. Including his freedom. He’s always had nice clothes, nice cars, there was never a lack of sex or money. If he wanted something it was his. So why did he feel so shitty? Right now in this moment. He’s never stopped to think about it before he figures. 

Never stopped or tried to feel anything. 

And right now as he was imagining himself decomposing into the floor he reasoned it must be because of depression. 

“A lot of people get depressed, Ransom.” You’d explained to him once, “There’s no shame in it.” He’d been having a bad day, but those days just happen. He had scoffed at you for even assuming he was depressed, but right now he thinks you’re probably right. 

There’s something wrong with him. 

His book had just been published and it was doing well. Selling really well. He made the bestseller list this week. So there was really no reason for him to be feeling like such garbage right now. It was the only logical explanation, being depressed.

At least then he had something to blame it on.

Another gentle knock, “Ransom.” You voice called to him, breaking him from his reverie. “Dr. Dowd would like to come up and talk to you, is that okay?” Your voice was various, a little guilt formed in his chest. His voice cracked when he replied, 

“Yes.” His face felt hot and the room felt stuffy. You had kept the windows open with the nice weather you’d been having lately. Airing out the house, a candle always burning with a calming scent. Ransom regrets telling you not to open his windows. He wanted to open them, but found himself unable to move from the carpet. 

“How are you feeling today Hugh?” The Doctor’s voice came from the other side of the door. Ransom heard your soft footsteps retreating, the third step down the stairs creaking as you made your descent. Ransom’s heart began to steadily raise in pace. 

“Just great Doc,” He bit, “Can’t you tell?” 

“Are you feeling the need to harm yourself or others?” He asked, suddenly very serious. Ransom thought for a moment. Who would he hurt? You? No. Definitely not. Himself? He’s too vain for that.

“No.” His voice cracked again, why does it keep doing that? “No harm to myself or others.” The other side of the door was quiet for a moment more before the Doctor spoke again,

“Are you comfortable right now?” 

“Yes.” Laying on the floor felt great on his back truthfully.

“Emotionally.” What is that supposed to mean? The turmoil churning in his gut screamed at him. Playing dumb won’t help him here. “What happened today that you won’t meet me downstairs? You haven’t missed a session yet.” 

Ransom shook his head wordlessly. He’d been fighting the Doctor. Every week, skating around questions, not answering them all together. He felt an urge to let it go. To just spill everything that was churning around in his gut. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. 

Maybe a little.

“It’s just a bad day.” That was enough. It should be.

“What happened?” There was a creak on the other side of the door. A settling sound. 

Ransom explained. His morning was just frustrating. One thing compounded on another causing his whole routine to be thrown off. 

His routine.

“Is it possible that all of this frustration and anger have come out due to your routine being interrupted.” Yes.

“Probably.” Yes.

Silence, then the doctor spoke, “You can’t change the world around you, Hugh. You have no control. You will never have control.” Something was tight in Ransom’s chest. Fists clenched. “The only thing you can control is how you react to the world.” Hands relaxed, he felt his eyes prickle. 

What the fuck is wrong with him? He shook his head. He felt out of control. He was completely out of control. He hated this. But maybe the Doc knew what he was talking about. Maybe this explains the disruption he’s felt. The anger that had ebbed away to a dull ache in his heart. 

“Listen, Hugh.” The Doctor spoke kindly from the other side of the door, “Routine is good for you, it’s good for everyone. It’s beneficial for us to stick to our routines, however, if something happens that we can’t control it doesn’t mean the whole day is ruined.” The fan spun idly on the ceiling, Ransom dazed looking at the steady rotations as Dowd continued, “Get off the floor and move on.” His eyes dragged from the fan to stare at the door. “Get on with your day and try to do better next time because that’s all we can really do, try to do better.” 

His hand met the knob and turned, shifting up to his feet as he met the sight of the older man on the other side who was leaning against the wall opposite the door. Ransom stared at him silently for a minute before opening his mouth to ask, “How?”

session #31

It was just there. Your wrist, open to him. And he wanted to kiss it, so he did. You’d stalled above him, hand still hovering where you’d just placed his cup of coffee next to him on his desk. He did it almost without thinking, gently wrapping his hand around your forearm and bringing your wrist to his lips, “Thank you.” He’d murmured, eyes not leaving the screen.

His second book has become much harder to write. He’d started three books. A couple chapters written for each, a path split. Where would he go? He was unsure. But the coffee you’d placed next to him that was made exactly how he likes it, it helped. A lot. 

After the soft kiss placed on your wrist, the one that he’d not realized he’d even done until it was over, you’d gently rubbed his back for a moment before leaving, “Dowd will be here in about an hour if you need anything.” Your soft voice as you left. He’d wished you would have sat down for a bit, but he knows you have your own routine to follow. 

“Describe your Mother to me.” Ransom scoffed, chest tight. 

“Getting right to it.” He joked, Dowd smiled and nodded,

“We’ve been meeting for about eight months now and you’ve yet to talk about her.” Had it really been 8 months? Ransom’s palms suddenly felt very sweaty.

“She’s…” Ransom shrugged, eyes drifting to stare at something, anything else but meeting Dowd’s eyes. “She’s a Real estate Broker. She owns a company that is fairly successful. She’s recently divorced my Father for his infidelity—“

“Hugh, what about you?” Dowd asked, “How was she when you were a child?” Ransom hated this. He didn’t want to do it. Why did it matter?

“She was busy.” He said simply. “Always working, on the phone, both her and my Father.” Why did it matter? Dowd nodded, scribbling.

“Do you have some good memories of her?” Ransom didn’t. He knew his Mom loved him. He was her only child. There were pictures, her holding him when he was a baby, red faced and mucus covered in birth. His first birthday, she was sitting on the floor in the background, Ransom in the foreground standing, smiling with a ball in his pudgy baby hands. A picture of them in front of Niagara Falls when he was three. But none of that he can remember. Not really.

What he can remember is his first Nanny. A blonde named Samantha. She was young and sweet. She used to make him pancakes with blueberries in them. He wonders now if she left because of his prowling Father. 

A different nanny, older had taken her place. He couldn’t remember her name but he could remember, vaguely, the crack of a ruler on his knuckles. His Mother had flipped her kid when she came home and seen them. Knuckles ripped open and clotted. 

She’d given him a Nintendo 64 for that. It still sits upstairs in the bedroom you now occupied. He thought and he thought hard before replying, “No.”

He’d felt cheap. “Every good memory of her involves money in some way.” He stated plainly. The Doctor had told him instances of money bought happiness didn’t count. Ransom had always been rich of course, money as a substitute for the love of his Mother, Dowd explained. He wondered if his Mother paying you to take his house arrest was an apology for his parent’s quick divorce. As if he even cared. 

“It’s okay to be hurt by her,” Dowd started, “She didn’t provide the love and affection a Mother should. Children need nurturing to form themselves as they mature into adults. The lack of nurturing in no doubt has affected you in some way.” Ransom felt uneasy. He didn’t like talking about this. But Dowd has told him time and time again, he’s not going to like talking about anything. Just try.

Ransom tugged his bottom lip into his mouth, looking at the empty coffee cup beside him. 

“Do you think that maybe,” Dowd started, “You saw money as love and when that money was being taken from you then you realized that you’d have nothing left?” The Doctor rubbed his own chin. “Murder seemed like the only viable option?” 

A chill ran down Ransom’s spine. A shake of the head. “I can’t do this today.” Dowd nodded.

“Okay,” he shifted in his seat, “What is Y/N making for dinner tonight?” This was how they had been cooling down. Every session since the one where Ransom has broken on the floor of his bedroom. A weekly distraction, bringing him back down from reaching his threshold. His hard limit. A little farther every week. 

“I think she’s making—“ Ransom shrugged, “I mentioned wanting chicken parm, so that’s probably what she’s making.” That’s all he did. He would mention craving something and you would make it. The ingredients ordered through the local grocery store’s delivery app. You kept him happy and fed. His pants felt a little tighter around the waist recently. He’d have to work harder at the gym it seems. 

Dowd nodded, “Sounds good.” He looked at the door that separated them from you. “She’s a sweet girl.” Ransom looked at the door as well,

“Yeah, she is.” The two sat in silence for a moment. The clock ticking. Ransom felt uncomfortable. Which wasn’t a new sensation in these conversations. He felt this sense of foreboding on Thursdays. Not that he didn’t when the sessions first started, but now that he’s actually talking in them acid was rolling in his gut on Wednesday night. The turmoil drowned in vodka sodas and a girl he thinks was named Bethany sucking his dick in the kitchen last night. His mind blissfully blank as she swallowed his cum. Her giggling mouth as her tangy lips met his. 

His cock twitched at the thought, thinking about where he’s going to go tonight. Thinking about the girl he’d be bringing back here. The anger in your eyes tomorrow morning as you hand him his coffee after the gym, bitching about throwing the girl out and not so subtlety telling him that he’s an asshole. He really liked that. Your cheeks flushed. Eyes in a steady glare. 

It’s what he deserved, he reasoned. 

He wanted you to hate him. Because you should.

session #52

“Ransom.” Your gentle voice called to him, your back was facing him, chopping something by the stove. 

“Yeah?” He called back, watching your arm move up and down, knife chopping steady against the butcher block cutting board. 

“Something strange happened today, and,” You paused, huffing quietly. He watched your back tense, “There’s a letter on the table.” It wasn’t uncommon for you to open his mail. You sorted through it daily and it was something, frankly, he couldn’t be bothered with. He only wanted mail deemed important, didn’t care much for any Christmas cards or invitations to parties. Not that much came anymore. 

The envelope sat ominous in the dining table. The top slit open in a straight line, white paper peeking from within. He picked it up, no return address. It reminded him of one thing and one thing only. 

I know what you did.

He felt his neck grow hot, the chopping had stopped from behind him. What kind of joke was this? It had been a little over a year since his verdict. A little over a year since he…

He swallowed heavily, opening the letter, the bold black marker bleeding through the page.

You took her from us and you got away with it. You sick bastard. I hope you burn in hell. 

And that was all of it. He carefully folded the paper back up, slipping it inside the envelope. The house was silent. No chopping. His hands braced on the back of the dining chair, he turns his head to look at you. You’re standing there in anticipation. For what?

Maybe he’ll scream. Shout. Bellow with anger so loud that the neighbor, closest one half a mile away, could hear him. Maybe he’ll break something. The four glass jugs that used to be five until he used one to commit arson. Maybe he’ll pull glasses out of the cabinets and shatter them on the ground by your feet. Maybe he’ll just collapse on the floor right here and cry. 

For once in his entire pitiful life, a strange feeling brewed in his gut. A sick feeling he couldn’t place. Later on in the session, Dowd would tell him it’s guilt. But right now as he places the letter back down on the table, he walks to the downstairs bathroom and shuts the door before turning the sink on full blast and emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

He grips the porcelain sides, coughing and sputtering. Eyes only watering from vomiting he’s sure as a choked sob echoes in the bowl. He spits, and spits again. Bare knees cold against the tile he stares at his vomit for a moment, before flushing the toilet and watching it disappear. The sick feeling is still there but he’s left with nothing but bile. 

He stands, taking two stumbling steps to the sink and washing his face. Swishing around some mouthwash as he stares blankly at himself in the mirror. He knows another feeling. He knows this one. Disgust.

Self-loathing.

His knuckles gripping the sink and white. If he were any stronger it would have shattered under his grip. 

He was in a state down with himself. Daring himself to move. Do anything. Move. 

You pathetic piece of shit. You fucking baby. You really couldn’t do anything for yourself could you? So fucking scared and worthless that you had to try to fucking kill someone to keep some fucking money? And you were fucking stupid because you got caught. You were so fucking selfish because you killed her so you wouldn’t get caught. 

You selfish bastard. 

You worthless piece of shit. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve any of this. You should be where she is now. Rotting in a fucking grave. Maggots feasting on your flesh.

You did this. 

His reflection looked pale. He felt sick again but all he did was dry heave. This was the worst feeling he’d ever felt in his life and he didn’t know what to do. 

A gentle knock on the door. 

“Ransom,” Your soft voice, “I have some ginger ale, it’ll help your stomach.” He hadn’t been as quiet as he thought. He unlocked the door, stepping from the bathroom. Suddenly tired. The glass was gently handed to him and he took a small sip. Eyes not meeting yours. 

“I need to lay down for a bit.” A mumbled sentence. You nodded. Gentle hands grasped his biceps, rubbing soothingly as his head found your shoulder. Arms wrapping around each other you both stood there for a moment. Not saying anything. 

He didn’t deserve you. 

He knows that now. 

“Has the family tried to contact you before?” Dowd asked later on that day. 

Ransom felt unwell. He hated this. “No.” He shrugged. He must have been a sight. Still in his gym shorts and sweat stained t shirt. He was sunk down into his chair, hand covering his mouth, eyes blankly staring at a spot somewhere in the room past Dowd. 

“So why suddenly do you feel this way?” Dowd asked, “You’ve not brought it up the entire year we’ve been talking.” A year since he murdered Fran. A whole year. 

“I just haven’t thought about it.” He said. Why would he want to think about it? Dowd hummed, scribbling on his legal pad.

“They’re never going to be okay,” Dowd started, “They lost a daughter, a sister. Someone they can never get back.” Ransom was sure that made sense, the loss of someone you love. But he didn’t love anyone. Only himself.

His heart panged.

He couldn’t reason at the time because if any of his family members died it wouldn’t make a difference. 

“What if someone had done the same to Y/N.” Ransom’s heart stopped, eyes finally looking at the doctor’s. “If she was working for someone else and they murdered her to cover up a scheme that wasn’t even successful in the first place.” Ransom’s neck grew hot. His hand at his side clenched in a fist. 

“I would be angry.” He reasoned. Dowd nodded.

“That’s what they’re feeling right now.” He explained. “They’re angry because you took her away from them.” 

Ransom’s throat felt like it was closing up. What was he supposed to do. He couldn’t change anything. He couldn’t go back.

“It’s a good thing,” Dowd assured him, “That you’re feeling this way.” Ransom felt sick. “This guilt, the remorse you’re feeling. You’ve come a long way in the last year Hugh.” Tears pricked at the corners of Ransom’s eyes. He willed them to stay put. “You can’t change what you’ve done. You’ve murdered someone, you took a life, for what was no reason. And you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your days, but you can try to do something for them. Anything. Nothing will ever make up for it, but you can try.” 

He didn’t want to. He wanted to go to bed. He wanted to sink into his sheets and disappear. Maybe he could convince you to leave him there until he just wasted away. That sounds nice right now. 

It was for no reason. Fran’s death. He could have just paid her off and gotten rid of her. There was no real proof that he’d done anything. The toxicology reports came back clean. His little switching of the bottle trick did nothing. Harlan skit his own throat. 

Marta deserved the money. 

He saw that now. And it didn’t matter if he’d been cut off or not because now he had his own money and his bank account was acquiring more every day. 

So what was it all for?

It seemed so important at the time. He needed to do this. He had to. He needed the money. More than anything in the world. He was so focused on the one object before him. Tunnel vision. He didn’t see the details around the edges. 

He couldn’t see the big picture.

What a selfish baby. A fucking coward.

This self loathing was all consuming.

He hadn’t left his bed in two days since the session. Since the letter. He knows you’re concerned. You check on him every once in a while. You trade out his picked at food and bring him fresh glasses of water. You’ve rubbed his back a couple times until he’s shrugged you off.

“Leave me alone.” Biting. He doesn’t mean it but he couldn’t stop it from coming out. 

He was angry. Depressed. He didn’t know what to do. What can you possibly do? 

It was snowing. The chill permeating from the glass. Contemporary floor to ceiling windows meant cold. It was falling in thick sheets, almost a foot overnight. And he was just staring at it fall. He’d been staring at it fall all night. 

A clinking of a tray. The gentle click of the door closing, you rounded the bed, placing down a cup of coffee and some toast, removing the dishes from the end table. 

“Ransom.” You whispered, brushing his greasy hair off his forehead. “You’re gonna finish this coffee, eat this toast, and take a shower before you come downstairs.” Your tone was authoritative. “You smell like shit.”

You sat there for a moment longer. He could feel you staring at him. He parted his chapped lips, “I killed her.” A whisper in a quiet room. His eyes red and blankly watching the snow fall. Voice raspy. “For nothing.” 

“Yeah,” Your voice soft and sad, “You did.”

He wrote a letter. Put in a clause on the contract of his next book. Nothing would make it right, but he apologized. And Fran’s family was going to get a percentage of royalties from here on out. 

He still felt sick. 

session #67

He doesn’t remember what it feels like not to be hungover. The self loathing was drowned out with alcohol. It was the only thing he knew to do. The bottom of a bottle felt very comforting until the next morning when his sticky eyes couldn’t pry themselves open. The sick rolling in his stomach as he untangled himself from the mess of limbs. A sweat slick body in his sheets. A girl he couldn’t recognize. Sleepy, stumbling, hand coming down to unstick his balls from his thigh as he found the light switch. 

Wincing and collapsing in front of the toilet to empty his stomach. Dizzy with it. Head spinning. He blindly reached for the clean blue towels you had placed next to the sink. Wiping his mouth and pulling himself up to brush his teeth, drinking water bent over, slurping loudly from the tap. There was a gentle relief to his body, like finally some water. 

He shuffled back into the room, not casting a passing glance at the woman still asleep in his bed and he dressed to leave. He’ll go sweat this out in the sauna and she’ll be removed by the time he gets back. 

He didn’t deserve you. 

You should just leave. 

He wants you to leave. He wants to be alone. Forever. It’s why he tries to make your job as hard as he possibly can. Never ending guilt churning in his stomach. The sickness sweats out in the sauna and when he pulls back up to the house the only car that sits in the driveway is yours, unused. 

You’re humming when he enters the house and his cock twitches at the sight. It had just begun getting warmer outside. You’d ditched your cozy cardigans and wool socks for sundresses and tank tops. The appreciation shows. He adjusts himself in his shorts as he passes you, the knowing hand wordlessly giving him a cup of coffee made exactly how he likes it. He appreciates you. The comfort he’d not felt with anyone else. 

He had a roommate in college. 

A guy he had been friends with up until the trial. Another rich boy. Just like him. His name was Jeremy. 

Ransom hated living with him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the guy, he just liked his own space. Heading off to college he thought his parents would splurge for a private apartment. He remembered being so angry when the three of them arrived and he found out that they booked him on campus housing with another fucking kid. Furious. He didn’t talk to his parents for the first half of the semester. Not until they withheld his money and forced him to contact them. 

This was intimacy. 

He’d read that in a book. Dowd had recommended some to him. At first he’d scoffed about ‘self-help’ books, but Dowd convinced him that he’s the only person that could really help himself in the end. It didn’t help that Dowd had handed you the list and you’d bought all of them. You’d been reading them too. A quiet understanding that Ransom’s pride was still fragile and neither of you would talk about what you’d read, but just knowing that you’ve both read the same words. You’ve learned the same things. 

Whether you put them into practice or not was another story. 

But he knew this was intimacy. 

It didn’t have to be romantic intimacy. There was a familiar soft intimacy. Just from knowing each other. Truth be told you were the longest relationship he’d ever had. Even if it was just a boss/employee… but sort of friend relationship. You knew him. You really knew him. More than even his own parents. You knew when he wanted to be touched and when he wanted to be left alone. You knew his routine and every variation of it. You knew what he liked to eat. You anticipated each and every one of his needs. 

And he didn’t deserve it. 

You were too good for him. 

That was in all of his thoughts. 

Every time you handed him a cup of coffee. Even a second cup when mentally he had been debating having a second. You’d bake cookies or brownies or these cinnamon buns just when his sweet tooth was really kicking in. You knew every craving. He swears you could even sense when he was getting sick. An extra order of tissues, ginger ale, and cough drops delivered to the house a day before he’d even started coughing. 

He should treat you better. 

That’s what he thinks while he fucks his fist in the shower. Hand slapped against the tile, soft groans as he thrusts his hips into his soaped up hand, thinking about how all he really wants to do is bend you over the sink. 

He imagines it, your perfect ass, panties pulled to the side. 

As he cums he can’t help but feel the emptiness he feels every night. The vacancy of emotion that leaves his mind void and desolate. 

He writes three chapters that day. 

“How do you feel about medication?” Dowd asks. The room is quiet. It’s been very quiet this session, Ransom wasn’t feeling very talkative lately. 

“I’m not fucking crazy.” He scoffed. Dowd shook his head, 

“No, but you’re depressed.” Dowd explained. “Medication will help with your moods, make you more level.” Ransom nodded, sighing heavily. “The guilt may never go away Hugh, you have to learn to live with it. You’ve taken responsibility for your actions.” Ransom rolled his eyes, partially. 

“There’s more work to do.” The Doctor explained. “It’s not going to miraculously fix itself overnight, but medication will at least make it a little easier to go throughout your day. Might help you rely less heavily on drinking too.” He knew. Of course he knew. Ransom wondered if Dowd could smell the alcohol still in his sweat. Did he know Ransom popped four ibuprofen right before the session? Did he know that he washed it down by taking a pull of whiskey straight from the bottle? 

You knew.

But did Dowd?

“I’m proud of you.” That caused Ransom to look up from his own lap to look at the old man sitting across from him. “You’ve come a long way since we first started.” Ransom shook his head. 

“I feel worse.” 

“Yeah, but you’ve made a breakthrough.” He explained, “The guilt, remorse, you’re feeling is a good thing. Even if you hate it.” 

“It doesn’t feel like a good thing.” Ransom whispered. He picked at the sweats he was wearing. 

“It’s not going to,” Dowd assured him, “Not for a while, but the fact that you even feel guilty means you’ve come a long way from being the self-centered narcissist you were when we met.” Ransom chuckled,

“I’m still a narcissist.” 

The Doc started him on an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. The two pills waited for him with his morning coffee from that day forward. 

session #74

“You look like you’re having a good day.” Dowd smiled. Ransom was having a good day. He hadn’t drank a lot last night, had pretty descent sex with a pretty red head twice, you’d made him his favorite breakfast and had baked those really good caramel cookies he loved. You were in a good mood, so he was in a good mood. 

His mind drifts back to you singing softly as you pulled the cookies from the oven, he was trying to be nonchalant standing off to the side, stealing a cookie as you set the baking sheet on top of the stove, ripping it open, molten caramel burning the tips of his fingers as he shoved the sweet morsel into his mouth. Tongue scorched but worth it. 

The quiet hum as you rinse the bowl of cookie dough, his fingers finding your waist, pulling you against his chest as the soft rambling of music played in the background. The two of you rocked from side to side. The endorphins of skin to skin. The chemicals that flood his system giving him comfort. 

He didn’t deserve it, but he wanted it. 

He wanted it so badly. 

So he just took it. Your soft hands covering his as some acoustic version of a pop song played over the wireless speaker in the kitchen. Cheek pressed to yours, ever aware of your ass nestled softly against his hips. Innocently. So innocently. 

The light was soft through the windows and Ransom tried desperately to commit this to memory. The way it shines through your hair, the way it makes your skin glow. Your hands are so soft. So soft. He could almost taste it on his lips. Your skin. 

“Thank you for the cookies baby.” A whisper. You allowed it, him calling you baby. A soft sweet pet name for someone he didn’t deserve. 

“You’re welcome.” He had brought the plate of them in here, in the session. 

“I’m doing alright,” He breathes, breaking another cookie open, letting the strings of caramel wrap around each other as he shoved half a cookie in his mouth. “The meds are finally working, so…” He shrugs, “I’m not feeling quite as down.” There were still bad days, but this wasn’t one of them. 

“Can we talk about something hard today then?” The Doctor asked, “Is that okay?” Ransom was apprehensive. But… what could it hurt? Only himself. And he still deserved to be hurt so,

“Sure.” A sip of coffee and he settled back into his chair, resting his right ankle resting on his knee. 

“I want to talk to you about your family.” He thought of Harlan with his throat slit and a Mother who contacts him once a month. The last time she called him it lasted, according to his phone records, two minutes and forty-four seconds. A ‘how are you?--good, good--is y/n taking care of you--good,good--gotta go. Bye-bye.’ She resented him and Ransom knew that. She’d told him once, drunk of chardonnay that she never wanted to be a Mother.

It shows.

His Father was just as dismissive.

He thinks about the money clip. One that he was gifted when he turned 18 was a match to his father’s. He waved it around plenty of times. Ransom thinks back to the first Christmas you’d spent with his family. The fear, tears in your eyes as you stood there dumbly holding his registration information for the police who didn’t care after he’d slipped them a couple of Benjamin's each and they were on their way. The wad he had handed you from his own money clip silently begging you not to leave him, hoping you’ll return after your long weekend.  

Please don’t leave me. 

He didn’t say that, but that’s what he meant. 

“I don’t know how real people act.” He says, eyes not meeting the Doctor’s. “The whole family…” Harlan, Will, his parents. “None of them are real people,” Shaking his head. 

“Is Y/N real?” Dowd asks. Ransom nods, looking down at the cookies. A whisper against his ear. Comfort. 

“Yes.” He says. “She is.” 

“Have you learned anything from her in the past… how long have you known each other now?”

“Close to three years now.” Ransom smiled softly, really smiled, “The first year she worked for my Grandfather as a tutor for my cousin, Meg. The past two she’s worked for me.” He thinks about your apartment. The one you lived in with your sister. 

He’d only been there once. 

It felt more like a home and he thinks about how you and your sister acted together. You truly loved one another. The little bickering laced with affection. No fight was ever a real one. Not even when you were yelling at her over the phone, defending him for no real reason. He never understood why someone would say a house is not always a home until he stepped into that apartment. 

Yes, it smelled like the curry your neighbor was cooking and yes, it was for lack of a better word crowded. You would say it’s cozy. The furniture worn and much more comfortable than any he’d ever sat in. The way the two of you just steadily accepted him moodily sitting in the corner, in a chair, as their night went on. Even if your sister kind of hated him. 

You were kind. You were forgiving. You were welcoming. And you’d taught your sister to be that way too. Even if she was a teenager and hated everyone and everything. To be fair he deserved to be hated and he was confused, but grateful that you didn’t hate him yourself. You said you did, but he knows you didn’t mean it. Not really. 

You treated him like he mattered. You believed in him and supported him when he had the idea to write his novel. You picked him up off the ground when he was too drunk to walk. You gave him a shoulder to lean on when he needed a place to lay his head. 

You were compassionate. 

“I don’t deserve anything she does for me.” Ransom whispered into the quiet study. He shook his head, “She’s going to leave me as soon as the house arrest is over.” Dowd shook his head, 

“You’ve done something that is irreversibly wrong.” He stated, “You can never take it back,” Ransom felt the guilt pooling into his stomach. A rain cloud over a sunny day, “The only thing you can do is try every day to do a little better. Put something good into the world. Create something good.”

“Be better.” The Doctor nodded. 

“Be better.” 

session #86

He was trying. Really trying. A stipend from his books goes to Fran’s family. A monthly donation to Planned Parenthood and another towards a local domestic violence nonprofit. It soothed his soul somewhat, but still didn’t feel like enough. He started looking at houses. For you. 

You deserved it. When you left him. When you went back to your normal life. The normal routine. When he was left in his empty house, alone again. Like he wanted. Like he deserved. He was meeting a realtor for lunch tomorrow, but his hobby lately has been browsing house sites looking for a house for you. 

Some were too big, some too small. Some too modern, some too old. 

Nothing really fit you. Not really. 

“Ransom,” You called from the living room, “Are you hungry?” 

A few clicks and his computer screen was back on a word document. You poked your head into the study a minute later, a sandwich, cheese toasted on the bread, melted ham and swiss. A sliced apple and the sweet grapes you’d been craving that he had brought home yesterday and two little cinnamon sugar dusted cookies. A glass of water. 

“Yeah,” He smiled. You placed the dish next to him, peering over his shoulder at the words typed on the page. “Thank you.” Always thank you, always please. Please love me, please care about me, please, please, I’m trying to be a good person. Please see that. A kiss to your wrist, arms wrapped around his shoulders, chin resting there. 

“How’s it going?” You ask. He rubs the bare skin of your arm with his thumb, sighing,

“It’s getting there.” He typed a few more words, flipping through two different word documents. “I’m not sure which story I want to work on, I’m kind of stuck here.” He felt you nod, silently scanning the open page before you before laying a hand over his on the mouse and clicking over to the other one. 

“You’re a little farther on this one I think.” It was a story about a situation similar to his own, yet very different. A woman in it that may or may not be referenced heavily by the woman beside him. By you. Who's to say?  All likeness to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. 

“Do you like this one?” He asked. You had to. Your opinion matters the most. Say the word and he’ll delete the whole thing right now. He felt pathetic. What kind of man was he? Definitely not his father, never his father. 

“I do,” He could feel your grin, “You should finish this one next.” He didn’t know what to do with you. Half of him knew you would never love him, not the way he wanted you to. Those girls he buried himself in every night were proof of that. He started imagining they were you, lusty and breathless. 

He could never do that to you. Ruin yourself with him. He just couldn’t. 

“Thank you for lunch.” Another kiss to your wrist. 

“You already said that,” You laughed, melodic. His heart skipped. “Don’t forget you have therapy later.” How could he?

“I won’t.” A bite into his sandwich and he was back looking at houses. Maybe he could find a fixer upper. Dowd said he needed a hobby, right? 

“What’s on your mind today Hugh?” Dowd was in a good mood. Not that he wasn’t always in a good mood, but today he was in a very good mood. He showed up to the session and very unprofessionally showed you pictures of his newborn grandchild. A little rosy cheeked, baby girl named Ellie. Ransom admired how your eyes softened and lips pulled into a bright smile. He wished you would smile at him like that. 

“I’m gonna buy a house.” Giddy almost. “Fix it up.” He nods, “My hobby right? Work with my hands.” Dowd looked at him skeptically. 

“That’s a lot of work,” He laughed, “Have you ever lifted a hammer?” Ransom shrugged. 

“Can’t be that hard.” It would be… very hard. But he’ll find that out later. “Lots of people do it, right?” Dowd gave a weird grin. 

“Yeah but most of them have had some prior teaching or are professionals.” Ransom’s mouth opened and then closed again, eyes squinting as he thought. Surely he could do it, right? He had to. 

It was penance. 

“I’ll figure something out.” Ransom took a sip of coffee, “I’ve been journalling a bit.” He said, pulling a leather moleskine from the seat cushion. He’s learning to deal with the guilt. The regret. He gets emails about how his contributions have been saving lives, women who need free healthcare, domestic violence victims that have been rehoused thanks to his donations. It doesn’t make it better, he reasons, the murder. 

But it’s penance. 

“Are you almost done?” Dowd asked, “With the second book?” The first book he’d published he had given Dowd a signed copy, he would willingly give him a signed copy of the second one too. 

“Yeah, just about.” He sighed, “A few more chapters.” Dowd nodded. 

“Do you want to talk about the self-loathing you’ve been feeling?” Dowd was perceptive. Ransom knew this, but the question still blindsided him. He wonders if you’ve mentioned anything to the Doctor while scrolling through the 200 pictures and cooing over the newborn in a hundred different outfits. Ransom knows you’ve seen it too. You’re perceptive too. 

“Not really.” Ransom answered honestly. It made Dowd laugh, “I know you say I have to learn to live with it, I have to live with the guilt for murdering Fran, but I don’t know…” He stared at the Doctor, eyes betraying the sadness he felt in his soul. The despair. “How does anyone live like this? How does anyone live after they’ve murdered someone?” The last question was a whisper, eyes glazing over and staring at the floor. 

He should have just gone to jail. He should have been in jail for the rest of his life, but he couldn’t. He didn’t. He’s not. He’s here. Double jeopardy. He could write a book right now on how he killed Fran, how he set up Marta, how he pushed his Grandfather to suicide and you know what would happen? Nothing.

You can’t be tried for a crime you were acquitted from. The jury found him not guilty. Only six people really knew the whole truth. The three detectives, Marta, himself, and you. The three detectives didn’t matter anymore. 

Marta didn’t matter anymore. 

He didn’t matter anymore. 

You never brought it up. The murder. Not unless he brought it up first. It was a hard limit. A line not crossed. You had to forgive him. You just had to. Didn’t you already? Did you hate him? Were you secretly seething with the fact that you had that house arrest bracelet on? Were you really only here for the money? 

He wouldn’t be able to take it, he doesn’t think. 

Maybe he’ll become a recluse. 

Everything is digital now, ordering groceries, maybe he’ll just get a maid to clean up once a week. You can go, take your money and leave him. It’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. He will survive. 

It’s his penance. 

He watched you make dinner, Dowd’s words ringing in his ears, bouncing from one to the other, “You can’t hate yourself forever for this, nothing you can do will make it right, you’ve become a better person. An empathetic person, just be better. Every day, try and do better.” He thinks you’re beautiful. 

You’d asked him what he wanted to eat and always was his reply of whatever he’d been craving that day, but tonight he said, “Whatever you feel like eating.” So he didn’t know, but it smelled amazing. He’d eat garbage if you put it in front of him. Whatever it was, it was delicious. Some kind of soup. A couple of heated rolls straight from the oven and a green salad, drizzled with a vinaigrette you’d seemed nervous about. 

“I found it on Pinterest.” You had explained, “If you don’t like it--” It was delicious. Everything you made him was delicious. He didn’t care. 

“It’s good.” He said. He meant it. He wondered now, with less than five months left of his sentence, how soon after it was over would you leave him? And would you never want to see him again? Because he doesn’t know if he could handle it. He needs you. 

He really fucking needs you. 

session #95 

The girl came back. The one you had kicked out of his bed while he was gone. He told you he was at the gym, but what he was really doing was checking on the work done on the beautiful dark cherry wood Victorian with wrap around porch he’d recently purchased. He couldn’t fix it up on his own, that was the truth. Dowd was right, but he was working with a contractor and small crew. 

One day a week he would go over there and help them rip out cabinets or tear down walls. Not too many because the house, he reasoned seemed more like something you would like if it wasn’t completely open concept. 

He’d sat there, in the early morning light, watching the sun come through the windows. Dust filtered through the air from where they had sanded the floors, refinishing them. They’ll lay down the stain and seal them today. The windows caught the light perfectly. The sun rose and set over this house beautifully, glowing with natural light. You were going to love it. 

He was sure of it. 

A shout, stumbling in the gravel of the driveway, “FUCK YOU RANSOM.” A laugh drowned in his coffee. 

“What’s on the agenda today Ransom,” He watched you shut the door, irritated with him, “Because if I have to do that again tomorrow I’ll quit.” Lies.

You couldn’t quit. 

Not for another nine weeks. 

“Don’t worry,” He said, “I’ve got a deadline to meet.” It’s true. He did. Four more chapters and the book was done. He coffee mug in your hand. An emptiness in his heart with the realization of you leaving. Nine weeks. And you’re gone. 

He threw himself into it. He was going to finish it this week. The frustration he felt, he just wanted to be done with this book. He was over it, but he was so close to finishing. Doesn’t mean he’s not still a liar. 

He needed a fucking break. His head was pounding and you’d come in the office in thin worn out black leggings. When you bent over to pick up the pillow that fell on the floor, he could see the thong you were wearing. His dick was hard. 

A promise, “I’ll kick her out myself.” And he was gone. 

The girl he brought home, she looked a bit like you. Enough like you when she rubbed her ass against his lap that he’d drug her home. Her lips were attached to his neck. He could imagine her as you. Faintly. Almost. 

He felt passive aggressive. He was sort of taking out the anger of not being able to have you on you, not realizing, or not caring? His back met your bedroom door, the girl moaning enthusiastically as her lips trailed down his chest, button down splayed open. Belt clinking and his dick was in her mouth. 

Fuck. Head hitting the door. He whispered your name in his head. 

He wanted you so bad. 

He wanted you so bad. 

He wanted you so fucking bad. 

He pulled the girl off him by her hair. He was going to cum too soon if he thought about it. He could do this.

As he lost himself in her body, bed rocking, hips swinging in a punishing rhythm, the girl’s loud moans drowned out the whisper of your name on his lips. 

You were a sight. Sleepy, red marked paper in front of you. You’d found the chapter’s he’d finished just hours before. The ones he had forgotten to give to you. Your hair was messy and your cozy sweater had fallen from your shoulder. He wanted to press a kiss to the exposed skin, but obviously he couldn’t. 

“What do you think?” He asked. He watched you jump in your seat, hand pressed quickly to your chest. 

“You scared the shit out of me.” You laughed nervously, “It’s good,” You cleared your throat, “I’m not sure how much longer I can wait for you to finish to be honest.” 

“Let me see.” The packet was scribbled over. 

I think he did it, he’s an asshole. 

I don’t like her either. 

Ew, why would anyone ever say that to anyone else?

Add more detail here, I can’t picture it well enough. 

“What are you doing out of bed?” You asked, you rolled the chair side to side. It was cute. Endearing. 

“I told you I was going to kick her out.” She wasn’t happy about it. She tried to get him to go another round, but he felt empty. He didn’t want to. You were waiting downstairs after all. 

“And you couldn’t start doing this sooner?” He smiled, he liked that you hated it. It maybe made him think you could be jealous. In some universe. Maybe not this one. 

“I like how much it bothers you,” He answers honestly. 

“It’s annoying,” you snarked back quickly, “Worst way to start my day.” You were being funny. 

“That’s the only reason?” Ransom responds, he leant back in his chair, throwing the packet onto the desk. Please say you want to be with me. Give me permission here. 

“You’re such an asshole, you know that?” You scoffed, angry with him. Clearly. You made to walk by him, to leave the room. He reached out and grabbed your arm to stop you, softly. 

“If you want to take their place, just let me know.” A wink, a playful slap on his shoulder and you were gone. 

“Dick.” Reverberated in the office. A playful laugh. 

Therapy today.

He hadn’t slept a whole lot, four hours total. He was tired. And grumpy. 

“She loves you, you know that right?” Dowd said halfway through the session. Ransom was deep in his self-loathing today. Probably from the lack of sleep. 

Definitely not because each day got closer and closer to you leaving him. Definitely not that. 

He shook his head, “She works for me, she gets paid to be nice to me.” Dowd frowned. 

“You can’t really believe that Hugh.” Ransom shook his head, 

“I don’t deserve her.” 

“Men don’t deserve women,” Dowd said, “Period.” He laughs, straightening his tie. “My wife, we’ve been married for thirty years now and I can’t honestly remember life without her in it. She worked to help me get through school and now with my practice I’ve been able to let her do whatever heart desires.” He was smiling fondly, thinking about it. “She’s given me three beautiful daughters, we have a beautiful granddaughter now. A beautiful home, she can’t cook to save her life, but that’s what I’m for… she’s the love of my life, truly.” Ransom looked at the grey old man across from him, the Doctor’s eyes were misty. “She helps me run my practice.” He says, “I would be lost without her and I will work hard to even be close to the man she deserves.” 

“It’s just not meant for me Doc.” Ransom swallowed heavily. “It’s not.” 

He needed to get out of this fucking house. He couldn’t look at you. He got rid of Dowd. A little harshly. He felt bad about it. You looked up at him from the couch.

“I’m going out.” 

Was this love? Yes. He knew he loved you. He’s no a fucking idiot. But you were too good for him. Who forgives a murderer? Who? Why did you have to be like that? So fucking perfect. 

You were. So fucking perfect. This house he was fixing for you, the car he was going to buy you after the next book. You deserved all of it. 

You and your sister will be taken care of. You’ll never want for anything. You were talking about going back to school maybe, once it’s over. You could do that. He’d do anything for you if you’d ask. He’d pay for all of it. Anything. It’s yours. 

How does he resolve this? He doesn’t know. 

The donuts, the latte, and his mouth between your thighs a day later. He doesn’t know how to be a good man, but he’s going to fucking try, and try until he gets it right. Until he makes everything right. For the both of you. 

“I think you’re the only person I’ve ever loved.” You’re so receptive beneath him. He loves you so much. The only person he’s ever felt this intense affection for. Not even his own parents he’s loved. 

He buries himself between your thighs twice that morning. Panting into your mouth the first time, into your neck the second as he rocks his hips into your tight wet heat from behind. Ass nestled against his hips how he’s always dreamed, teeth biting into his thumb as the two of you lay on your sides. 

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispered against your neck. His heart racing from his recent orgasm. “I’m sorry.” 

session #104

This was it. The last day. Ransom noticed your ankle looked pale, empty now that the bracelet was gone. He would have to fix that. “What am I gonna do now that the dumb bracelet isn’t taking out my ankle anymore?” He whispered into your ear. The damn think had knocked against his ankle bone multiple times in sleep or during sex, enough to make him wince and comment on it multiple times. 

Your laugh was melodic to his ears. It was just the two of you now. His Mother stopped by with the same man who had placed the damn ankle monitor on you two years prior to remove it. She made a big show about staying for breakfast. 

“So I’m assuming she’ll be moved out by dinner,” She had laughed, “She’s probably sick of you.” Ransom felt a little hurt by that, but his Mother also didn’t know the two of you were now together and ‘moved out by dinner’ was actually going to be him taking you and your sister to dinner and then to your new house that was just finished this morning. 

The two of you shared a look and agreed not to say anything. 

He dried the dishes as you washed. This oddly domestic moment giving him true belief that maybe this could work. He could have it. He could have what other people have and be okay. 

“I love you too.” You’d whispered into his mouth last night. You hadn’t said it back yet, it was the first time. Hands tangled in his hair as you angled his face down. “Please don’t hurt me.” He could never, would never. Not if he could help it. 

He brushed his hip against yours as the soft crooning melody played in the background. After the therapy session today the two of you were going to go pick your sister up early from school and drive down to the harbor. He wanted to take you both to dinner. Somewhere you’d wanted to eat for the past two years. A little hole in the wall Spanish place that had ‘the best ceviche and sopas you’ll ever have’ you’ve been talking about it for two weeks now. 

Things had changed a lot in the past nine weeks. And not just because the two of you began to have sex on a regular basis. The house seemed more calm. There was an ease now, a tension that had left Ransom’s shoulders. You seemed more at ease too from what he could tell. You’d begun showering him with more affection, sweet lingering kisses down his spine before you left the bed, a press of your lips to his as you enter or exit a room. Thumb releasing the tension in his brow when he was too focused on writing, a kiss wishing it away. 

The two of you fell into step as though this was a two year anniversary instead of a two month. 

It was nice.

It was very nice. 

“It’s good to see you happy.” Dowd said. “I’m very proud of you. You’ve come a long way in the last two years.”  Ransom nodded. He felt proud. He did. The guilt still gnawed at him sometimes. But he’d received a letter about a week ago. 

Fran’s Mother. 

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. And while the two of them would never meet, and probably never speak again. Fran’s Mother believed that God was telling her to forgive him. She thanked him for the royalty checks she’d been receiving in the mail. It helped with her husband’s increasing medical bills. But she will never have her little girl back. 

And it was his fault. But she forgave him. Just how he was learning to forgive his parents. 

Forgive himself. That was the hard one. He’ll be working on that maybe until the day he dies he thinks. Maybe. 

“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Ransom explains. Dowd smiled softly, 

“And she’s not going to leave.”

“Yeah,” Ransom agreed, “She’s not going to leave.” Well she is, but not completely. He was an adult. He could start taking care of himself, but she was still going to technically be his assistant. 

“This is our last session together and before it ends is there anything you’d like to say?” Dowd asked him. The old man had taken on a new light for him over the last two years, Ransom really liked the guy. There was no doubt he helped him a lot, but it was more than that. Dowd was a good man. It was admirable. Ransom had never met a good man in his entire life. 

Dowd loved his family, his wife, he loved his job. He was a good guy and if it wasn’t wildly inappropriate Ransom would have loved to take him golfing. Maybe invite his family over for dinner. Maybe one day. Maybe once the Doctor retires. 

“I don’t think it should be our last session.” Dowd smiled at that.

“That’s exactly how you know you’ve improved.” The man assured, “Cause you’re nowhere near done.” Ransom should have taken offense to that, but he knew. He was still a work in progress. He still needed help, just maybe not as much as before. 

Dowd parted with a cookie tin full of those caramel cookies Ransom loved so much, but he was too excited to care. You were ready to go. You wanted to see your sister more than anything else and he was happy to take you there. 

He smirked as you ran into your sister’s arms. The fourteen year old was taller than you now, her face dotted with acne. She glared at Ransom over your shoulder. 

He deserves it. Honestly. 

Dinner was no better. The teen ignoring him completely as he sat awkwardly in the smallest restaurant he’d even been in. You’d spoke practiced spanish to the server and older woman he’d also seen flipping tortillas on the flat top in the back. You’d placed a paper plate with radishes, limes, and a mix of spicy peppers, onions, and cactus in front of the three of you. 

A mess of plates were served. This little hole in the wall served the best tacos he’d ever had. Acidic ceviche that he’d eaten scooped into chips, the second order he ate with a spoon straight from the bowl. He didn’t interrupt the two of you and your jovial conversation. 

Julia gossiped about a girl at school who was apparently a total bitch and everyone hates her, but she had secretly been dating another girl they went to school with and was now being super nice because she wasn’t closeted anymore. 

There was another story about a teacher who had recently lost a child that your sister and her club had been trying to get money together to help pay for the funeral, “How much do you need?” Ransom interrupted. 

Julia looked at him with wide eyes, almost forgetting he was there for a moment. “Uh… like we’ve raised almost $2,000 but we were trying to get a full ten.” Ransom nodded, squeezing a lime over his taco. 

“Remind me to write you a check before I drop you back off.” He felt your eyes on him, a soft smile. You weren’t going to spring the relationship on your sister quite yet. Not when she still wanted to strangle him. 

“That- You’re going to give me $8,000?” Julia asked incredulously. Ransom nodded, chewing and swallowing. 

“It’s hard to lose a child.” He offered, “It’s hard for everyone.”

“Especially the parents.” Julia bit. He deserved that. He nods. 

“Especially the parents.” 

He was nervous. What if you didn’t like it? He’d sell it he’d suppose. But you had to like it. He broke into your tablet one night and sent screenshots of your Pinterest saves to an interior designer. It should be what you want, how you wanted it. 

“Where are we going?” You asked. You had sat in the back with your sister. The two of you holding hands and talking about how homecoming went and how there was a junior guy in band who had asked her to the prom. 

“We’re almost there.” He pulled into a paved driveway, turning the corner he tapped a few times on his phone the dark house lighting up before him. He heard two collective gasps from the backseat. 

“Ransom, what is this?” You were confused, obviously. He exited the car, the two of you following. 

He stepped up on the porch, not answering. His heart racing in his chest. He dug out the small key chain that had been weighing heavily in his pocket, turning to the two of you and hanging it from a finger. “I know you hate expensive gifts, but I can’t let you go back to that apartment.” His mouth was dry. 

“Ransom.” You breathed. The keys were snatched from his finger, Julia moved past him to unlock the door, rushing inside. 

“Oh my God!” She squealed from inside. Ransom shrugged softly, hand still outstretched towards yours. 

“Please take it.” He whispered. A few seconds ticked by as he watched you decide. Please take it. 

“Y/N,” Julia called, “This house is incredible.” She was panting in the doorway, shoes already discarded. He watched you look past him to her, the smile on her face. And you took his hand. 

You’d been dating for a while when Ransom suggested couples therapy. Pretty much as soon as you’d moved in together. It was a nice break. Six months not seeing each other every minute of every day. He picked you up on real dates. You’d gone to real movies. You’d taken real walks in a real park. You had after dinner drinks at a real bar. One which you’d remembered he had ignored you in what seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Julia had just gone to bed. She had a soccer game in the morning. He’d suggested it while you were getting ready for bed. A box of his clothes sat still packed in the corner. The last box. One you hadn’t quite gotten to yet. 

“There’s nothing wrong,” He defended. “I just think that it would keep us in a healthy relationship.” And you agreed. He was happy you agreed. He didn’t want you to think that he felt as though there were problems. Other than him leaving his dirty socks and coffee mugs around the two of you hadn’t had much of a disagreement.

Yet. 

Dowd was kind enough to still make house calls, something Ransom was fortunate for. He was working hard getting his next novel out. Deadline coming on quick as the two of you sat in a session where the Doctor looked at you and said, 

“He’s treated you fairly poorly over the last two years.” Ransom felt offended. Dowd was supposed to be on his side, but he came out the gate swinging. It didn’t stop it being true. 

You opened and closed your mouth. “I wouldn’t say…” You rubbed your hands down your thighs, drying the sweat on your palms. 

“It’s not okay.” Dowd responded. “We both know him, we know how far he’s come.” He gestured to Ransom and Ransom nodded. 

“He’s right baby.” A hand on your thigh in a way Ransom hoped was comforting. “The way I treated you is not okay. I’ve made a lot of bad decisions.” You sat awkwardly. Ransom wondered if you were beginning to regret this. 

“But Ransom, honey, I just--” You looked so nervous, sinking down into the couch, your eyes fixed on Dowd. “You’ve changed so much, and you’ve never really been…” You gestured with your hands. “You’re a victim of circumstance.” You began, “I don’t believe that if you’d had loving parents you would have ever been in the situation you were in… not that you know, nature versus nurture and I just think, I don’t know, maybe... “

“It’s okay.” Dowd put a hand out. “Listen, this is a lot to start with and it’s okay. We don’t have to get too far into it. The next session I would like to have both of you write a letter to each other, something about how the last two years have affected your life. I think that’s where we should start.” 

Intermingling breaths and hips pushed into the kitchen table, loud moans echoing in the kitchen as Ransom sinks himself into you over and over. “So fucking hot baby.” He breathes. “So fucking hot,” He hitched your leg up onto the table, enabling him to go deeper. “You’ll do anything for me, wont you?” He asked. His snapping hard against your perfect ass, hands roughly gripping the globes, tinted red by the palm of his hand. 

“Yes,” You moaned roughly, “Anything.” Ransom moaned, reaching a hand down to steadily rub your clit, so wet for him. Only him. 

“I love you so fucking much.” He moaned, hips beginning to falter as you came around him. Pussy contracting, milking his cock as he released inside the condom, panting. 

“I love you too.” You whispered heavily into the room. Both of you trying to catch your breath. 

“Thank you for doing this for me.” His fingers tracing softly down your bare spine. “I know it makes you uncomfortable.” He watched as you pulled your discarded shirt back on, shifting your leggings back up your hips as he discarded his condom, pulling his sweats back up over his own. 

“I think it’ll be good for us,” You said, “In the long run.” He nods in agreement. 

“I would hate for us to turn out like my parents.” He whispered. 

“We’re not ever going to be like your parents.” You assured him, gripping his hand softly. 

“I don’t want you to resent me in twenty years.” He looked into your eyes, searching as you replied,

“You think we’ll be together in twenty years?” You asked. He rolled his eyes as you let a watery laugh part your lips. He pressed his lips tightly against yours, fingers tangled in your hair. 

“I sure as hell hope so.” 

The sessions continued. One a month. Each month. 

The two of you worked together to make this relationship work. You tried hard. You grew and you grew together. 

“I think we’d be pretty good parents.” He said once. A few weeks before the marriage proposal. It got the both of you hot for it. The idea. Not something you’d been planning on acting on anytime soon but when he was balls deep inside your tight wet pussy he couldn’t help but imagine you swelling with his child, breasts heavy, firm belly pressing against him as he thrust inside you. 

He was hot for it, always. 

And you were thinking of it too. You’d spin your engagement ring around your finger and stare at him wistfully, tongue coming out to wet your lower lip. 

You were riding him. Hips circling on top of his, panting and moaning. Your body glistening with sweat. Hands curled in your hair, back arched. “You gonna give me a baby?” You asked. He nodded, panting, he wanted to thrust into you but he couldn’t help but love the way you looked right now. Chasing your own release. Selfish. Wanting. 

He fucking loved it. 

You held his wrists to the bed, using your knees to rock back and forth on top of him as you pressed your lips to his. A whisper against his lips. “You gonna cum inside me?” You moaned. 

“Yes, baby.” He braced his feet against the bed grinding his hips against yours, rubbing your clit against his pubic bone until you were shuddering on top of him, moaning into his mouth with your release. You collapse against his chest, his arms coming to wrap around your waist, his braced feet giving him the leverage he needed to fuck you. His hips starting a punishing rhythm. The loud slap of his thighs meeting yours filling the room. 

“I can’t wait.” He breathes, “I love you so fucking much.” Your choked moans did him in, his release spilling inside you, not willing to let you go quite yet as the two of you stilled. The sweat covering your bodies began to chill you. 

“I love you too.” 

The wedding was small. Springtime. For months after the proposal and very quiet. Neither of you had very much family and fewer friends. A small group in your backyard. A cake from your favorite bakery. Promises of a bright future and a new life. Here, together. 

You’d feel the flutter in your belly a few months after that.

.

.

.

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[julessworldd]

 This turned out longer than I expected it to, it’s 4 pages long. I was really into writing this so I’m gonna call a fic. Hope you enjoy anon. 

warnings: cussing, teasing, smut(my first time posting smut so sorry if it sucks), should be it, sorry if I missed any other warnings, grammar errors, etc. 

This was requested by anon for a prompt for Izzy.. Keep sending prompts in, I’m having a good time writing for everyone. (Guns N’ Roses, Motley Crue/The dirt, Kelly Nickels, I can try to do other rockstars. Just give me time to figure them out so I can get them down pat)

Second prompt list 1- “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it” 5- “Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”

I had known Izzy since  he walked in, soaking wet, little pissy that L.A decided to downpour on his arrival. He asked for a room at my family’s motel outside Huntington Beach. Izzy and I were a year apart and had so much in common, we became fast friends quickly. I’d even met Axl on his arrival to L.A, Axl was lucky no downpour, but sorta cold. I watched them both change bands like girls change clothes for date with their crush. Finally, they formed Guns N’ Roses, took the strip by storm and took over the world as well. 

Izzy was my best friend, I always told him everything that was going on with me, he even taught me how to play guitar one night, shared a bed when the hotel messed up my room. Management forgot to add another room besides the band and their manager. Izzy got my bags and walked to his room, claiming he was beat and needed sleep. 

Izzy and I’s relationship had changed after he broke up with Angela. He stayed at my place for days, shared my bed, food, shower whenever he liked. It was fun until he started screaming at me for his and Angela’s break up. This lead up to where we had angry/rebound sex in my shower and bedroom. That had been a few months, Izzy asked if we could do the friends with benefits gig. Sure why not. I told him, Izzy was very skilled and caring in bed. It wasn’t a loss for getting screwed occasionally. We establish ground rules typical for friends with benefits: No feelings, can date whoever no problem, no getting mushy for each other. Rules I could sorta follow along, after doing this for 6months, I started catching feels, asking if he could stay. My excuse was my roommate was at her boyfriends or was working late at the bar down the street. Our apartment was sorta shady so I wanted some protection for the night. 

Slash invited me out with the band after a show in town, I happily accepted wanting to see the other boys. Duff, his fiance, Steven, Axl were at the bar waiting for drinks. Izzy and Slash were at a table, Slash had a girl perched on his arm. “Hey guys”, I smiled. Slash moved him and his date so i could sit, “Hey Y/n, this is Chrissy” “Hi Chrissy, Slash treating you well?”, I smirked. “Yeah, he’s cool”, She took a sip of her cocktail. “Hey Y/n, you just get here?”, Duff asked. “Hi Duff, I did”, I smiled at the tall blonde. Izzy was quiet as usual, smoking a pack away, sipping on his whiskey filled drink.  Duff’s fiance was telling part of the table about her and brother’s taking their dad’s boat out one day growing up. She always had wild stories to tell from her childhood in Colorado, normally I would have been interested. Izzy was on my mind, I was hoping he would get the hint what I wanted to do. I looked before doing this, they were all inclined to her story, Duff stared at her with adoration in his eyes, a smile to match. 

“Iz”, I whispered in his ear, gripping his inner thigh. 

“You’re not wasting any time tonight”, Izzy grumbled. “I’m trying to get fucked, been a while”, I bit his ear lob. Izzy groaned, “Keep teasing me and you won’t get to cum, princess”, Izzy spat back. “I’m sorry, Izzy”, I whined, making Izzy smirk. 

“Go to the bathroom, I’ll meet you in five minutes. Wait for me, okay?”, Izzy’s breath on my neck. “Hey Iz, can you let me out please?”, I asked, making it seem normal. Izzy stood to the side of the booth as I walked to the bathroom. Five minutes later, Izzy let himself in and locked the door before turning to me. “Thought Steven would never shut up about what he and Duff did two days before. Sorry, babe”, Izzy looked at his watch. “You’re on time, Iz”, I giggled. 

Soon enough Izzy held me against the wall, thrusting into me, attacking my neck with his teeth. “Fuck, Izzy. Right there”, I whined. “You can beg better than that, baby”, Izzy whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes, he’s in his dominant mood tonight. “Okay, guess we’re done here”, Izzy started to pull out. “Please don’t! I need you so fucking bad, Izzy. Please fuck me, you’re the only one can make me cum this hard.”, I whined, grabbing his shoulders. “Now that’s better, baby”, Izzy slammed himself back in, making me moan. I felt the familiar tighten in my stomach as Izzy slammed into my g-spot. Clenching around him, nails  ripping his back, “Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, I let a breathy moan out. Izzy reached between us and started to rub my clit. “You earn it, let go, princess” I rolled my eyes again, “Mhm fuck” Izzy noticed that I needed an extra push, “Come on, Y/n. You can cum, Kitten come on” Hearing him call me ‘Kitten’ in his deep mid-western voice gave the extra help I needed. “Oh fuck, fuck, Izzy”, I screamed feeling myself release on his cock. Izzy rode out mine and his high, before pulling out.  “That was hot. You good?”He asked. I nodded, “Just a sec”, I said, holding his shoulders feeling the aftershock. Izzy and I got fixed, he made me leave first. I headed to the bar for a drink. “How long have you and Izzy been screwing?”, Axl asked, making me jump. “Why do you care?”,  I asked, sitting on the bar stool. “You and him were gone for a good thirty, forty minutes. Your legs are shaking slightly.”, Axl smirked, trying to interrogate me. “Still don’t mean I fucked Izzy, could be another guy for all you know”, I said. “I didn't graduate high school, but I’m no fucking idoit”, Axl said, getting close to my lips. “Again why do you care so goddamn much anyways, Axl. You’ve never cared who Izzy is fucking before”, I laid my hand on his chest.  “Cause the whole time I’ve been here with you, Izzy’s been shooting daggers at me from behind your back, babe.”, Axl grinned, making me turn slightly to see Izzy standing there with a pissed off look on his face. 

After the conversation with Axl, I left to go home forgetting the drink. Izzy watched me exit the bar, behind Duff and his fiance. “Night Y/n”, Duff said. “Night Duff, be careful”, I said walking down the strip. “Will do, you do the same”, Duff yelled. Finally made it back, moans filled the shitty apartment. Tiffany was home with her boyfriend. I took off my tight black leather dress, kicking heels off, earrings left on the dresser. “Sure, I’ll call you, Andrew”, I heard Tiffany say. ‘Andrew?’ her boyfriend’s name was Greg, not my business but okay Tif. “Y/n, company”, Tiffany yelled for the front door. It was 4am, who the hell was here for me.  “Tiffany are you high? Oh hey Izzy”, I asked, walking into the living room. “Can we talk, Y/n?”, Izzy asked, shutting the door. “Uh Tif”, I looked at the blond. “Night Y/n”, Tiffany said, skipping back to her room. “What’s up?”, I asked. 

“We gotta stop this, I’m in love with you”, Izzy blurted out. “Excuse me?”, I was stunned, maybe Axl was right? “Iz, we established no falling in love. You broke your own rule”, I said. “I know that, but seeing Axl talking to you that close, got me jealous. He’s married, he needs to back off damn it”, Izzy stomped his foot like a toddler. “Izzy, calm down. You’re drunk”, I sighed. “Please stop being like Duff trying to take care of a drunk! That’s not the point, babe”, Izzy groaned. “Then what is your point, Stradlin? I’m fucking tired and want to sleep”, I groaned, throwing my head back.  “I- uh”, Izzy stuttered. “Fine, I'll finish it for you. We’re not friends and you know it”, I said. Izzy’s eyes widened, “Fuck” 

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything.”, I sighed, getting tired of his shit. Izzy pushed me up to the wall, lips crashing on mine. I pulled apart from him, “Wanna crash here, it’s late” “Thought you never ask”, Izzy grinned. 

[myshawningstar]

Two Ghosts

Summary: Everyone has a soulmate, however, if your soulmate dies before you meet them, they become a ghost, similar to a guardian angel. Shawn is your soulmate, who has sadly passed away. He takes care of you, the best he can, he wants you to live a long and happy life until it’s your time to join him.

Word Count:

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, sex, and death.

Soulmates. 

What a funny and cruel concept.

There’s a well-known urban legend, or rather a fact, regarding soulmates, one that had been drilled into your brain ever since you could remember. It was said, people were meant to meet their soulmate anywhere from 10 to 21 years of age, and if you didn’t, it was said that your soulmate was dead. 

Both your younger sister and brother had already met their soulmates, but you? You had just turned 22 two months ago, and you had given up hope. You had tried not to think about it too much, as the thought of it would send you into a state of hysterics that would often be accompanied by a sharp pain in your chest where your heart was. You would lie on the floor of your small apartment crying and clutching your chest for hours as you attempted to catch your breath.

This is where you found yourself right now; crying in a small ball of pain as you laid on the floor of the living room. You had been in this position for at least an hour and a half, and you had tired yourself out. It didn’t take long for your eyes to feel heavy as they began to droop shut, and eventually you gave into the darkness.

—

Shawn looked down at the small, broken woman laying on the floor. His heart broke at the sight of her. This had become a regular occurrence for Y/n, he had just wished he could help her, hold her in his arms and tell her she was okay.

But he couldn’t. She couldn’t see him, or hear him. He could touch her, ghosts were just like humans, you could pick things up and eat if you wanted to. But the only limit to this was that no one alive could hear you or see you. The down side, besides being dead in general.

Shawn smiled sadly and reached down and picked up the limp girl in his arms, he brushed her hair out of her face before he carried her to her bedroom.

He pulled back the sheets before laying Y/n down on the bed. He then pulled the blankets back up to cover the sleeping girl, before he laid beside her and began to play with her hair as she slept. This too became a regular occurrence, once Y/n had tired herself out from crying he had always carried her to her bed and played with her hair.

Shawn wished he could do something more for her. But he only did what he could, keeping her safe and vowing to himself that he would to all he could to allow her to live a long and healthy life. He smiled softly at the sleeping figure, gently pressing his lips to her forehead.

—

The following few months were repetitive, often times Y/n would go out to a local bar and drink until she couldn’t think straight. Sometimes, if she was feeling up to it, she would end up bringing a stranger home, he’d be just as drunk as she was. 

Y/n’s lips would be locked on the stranger’s as his hands roamed her body, most of the time, she wouldn’t even make it to the bedroom with the intruder.

Shawn knew that Y/n was in the state that she was due to the grief of losing her soulmate. Of losing him. He was the reason that she was acting like she was. It hurt him at the very thought of that, that he was the reason for all of her pain.

Shawn wouldn’t stick around long after Y/n returned home with this unknown man who was intruding in on his home. On their home. He couldn’t stand to just standby and listen, watch his soulmate with someone else. So he wouldn’t. He would leave and return an hour or so later.

Y/n would wake up the next morning, extremely hungover and would kick the mystery man out of her apartment. She would shower, eat breakfast, and would watch tv until it was around 6:30 PM, then she would get dressed into something and put on makeup before doing something with her hair.

Tonight was no different than any other night. At 7:15 PM, Y/n had left her apartment, not bothering to lock the apartment door. It’s not like she had anything of any value, nothing that she cared about anyways.

Shawn trailed behind Y/n as he always did. She went out onto the street and began walking towards the bar that she usually went to. It wasn’t far, it was only about a 5 minute walk from the apartment building. There were a few people on the road, but not many. 

Y/n walked up to a 4-way stop. She pressed the button on the post and waited for the walk sign to turn on. 

The street was eerily quiet, and it had Shawn on edge. Shawn glanced up at the sky, there were large, dark, and heavy clouds on the horizon, as if a harbinger of doom. This sent a chill through Shawn’s ghostly body.

Y/n huffed impatiently, glancing both ways as she began to cross the street before the walk sign was on. Shawn blinked a few times before he started to follow, though the sound of tires screeching caught his attention. He turned his head to look at where the sound had been coming from. 

There was a black Sedan drifting around the corner at an ungodly speed. Shawn’s eyes widened as he saw the car was heading straight for Y/n, who had since frozen in fear in the middle of the road. 

—

“Y/N!” You hear a voice scream your name from somewhere behind you. The voice was soft and sweet, it was soothing. It calmed you.

That was the last thing you remembered before everything went black.

— 

The black Sedan had drove off just as quickly as it appeared. The dark clouds had drawn closer, thunder rumbled in the sky that was soon followed by a flash of lightning before wet, heavy raindrops began to fall to the earth below.

Shawn cradled the limp body of the woman in his arms as he cried softly. “Y/n.. Y/n, please wake up..” He sobbed softly, rocking them back and forth as they remained in the middle of the road.

“I- I’m here..” Y/n spoke, her voice merely a whisper as her eyes fluttered open, her (Ec) orbs staring right at him.

For a second, Shawn thought she could actually see him. He then quickly shook off the idea, she wasn’t dead, she couldn’t be.

 “Y/n... You need to wake up. It’s not your time sweetheart.” He whispered, looking at her with saddened eyes.

“But I don’t want to.” Y/n protested.

“And why’s that?” He asked softly.

“Because now I’m here with you.” She smiled softly. “Now we can be just two ghosts, together for eternity.”

[ainstgirl]

Finding Happines (3)

Chris Evans x Reader

Part 1, Part 2

"i can't believe your going to NY" you say while John keeps his passport in his jacket "it's for work, i'm not going for fun Y/N" "I thought we could spend this weekend together and..." saved your marriage but you didn't dare say it out loud. "i'm not going to loose this oportunity because you want to play houses" he says irritated "what does that mean?" you ask him "i say nothing when you stay up late at work and I have dinner alone so stop playing the victim" he says raising his voice. "playing the victim? this isn't about you going to NY, it's about you forgeting about our anyversary" you finally say. "Jesus Y/N" he yells at you "it's just a date nothing else" "just a date?"  tears threaten to come out. "Y/N... i didn't mean it like that" he lowers his tone when he sees your glassy eyes "go" you say opening the door "Y/N" he begs you "i said go, you have a plane to catch" "Babe... don't be like that..." he trys to hold your hand. "goodbye John" you say before you close the door and put the latch.  when you're alone you finally let the tears fall, it shouldn't be this hard. 10 minutes later you get a text from John "we'll talk about this went i get back okay? and we'll go out for dinner or something okay? love you" you read it a few times but you didn't answer.

On saturday you did absolutly nothing, you put a face mask on and watch movies, John had call you a couple of times when he arrived to NY but again you didn't answer. while you were changing the channels a young Chris Evans appears on the screen. You decide to send Chris a photo of the movie you were watching, he doesn't take long to respond. "please don't watch that movie" you read "you look like a baby" you send back "are you going to spend your saturday night watching that movie? that's sad" he sends "is there a better plan than seeing Chris Evans with a banana in his ass?" you joke and you could imagine his face when reading it "I don't think I can look you in the face knowing that you've seen that movie, how are we going to film on Monday?" he sends you "oh i think is going to be a good image to have when we film that scene" you laugh "okay then i guess im going to have to watch another episode of your show, i heard the episode 10 is the best" you read, episode 10 was when you hook up with someone "two can play this game" he sends another text " i hate you" you send him "no you dont" he text you back and you smile while writing back "your right i dont" everything would be easier if you did, everything.

"Don't look at me" Chris jokes when you walk to him. "shut up, that movie wasn't that bad" he looks at you and you continue "i like it" "liar" he says with a big smile. "come on, we have a scene to film later today" you say looking at the time on your phone. "can't wait" he winks at you. "you're such a dork" you smile "i think i'm going to get drunk to film that" "oh i have seen you drunk, i think the director would love that" and with that he turns around and leaves you blushing. How were you suposed to film a sex scene with him? obviusly you were attracted to him and not to mention that it has been more than two months since you have had sex, filming that scene was going to be torture, plus tonight your husband arrived from NY and you didn't feel like arguing with him when you got home. you spend all afternoon nervous about the scene when Chris knocks on your door with a bottle of vozka and two shot glasses "why do you have that?" you ask letting him get inside your trailer. "something to calm the nerves" he says. "are you sure is a good idea?" getting drunk before filming... "we are not going to get drunk Y/N relax" he says reading your mind. "okay..." you take one of the shot glasses "i'll do the toast" he takes the other glass "for your first sex scene on camera, now you're officially an actress" "for an awkward first sex scene" you say before drinking your shot and he does the same. "okay lets do this" He says taking the bottle "see you on set Y/N" he winks at you before leaving, you take a deep breath trying to calm your nerves, everything was going to be okay.

It was a private set, only the director and the camera crew were authorized to stay, when Chris enters he smiles at you, he seems as nervous as you are, he had more experience than you, so you did not understand why he was nervous. "let's start with the long shot and see if there is anything we need to change" the director explains "camera 5 get a close up shot of their faces in case i want to use that later, everyone ready? let's go"

You and Chris are in the walk in closet that the scene takes place of "thank you" you say the lines that you had memorized "for defending your family" "i'll always protect us, always" he says doing the same. "come here" you say staring at him, he gives you a half smile and slowly approaches you. You shorten the distance and kiss him, you would lie if you said you hadn't missed his lips, you feel how he smiles as he kisses you and you deepend the kiss, when you take his shirt off you can hear every women screaming  in your head, focus, you remind yourself, just focus. He stops for a second to stare at you before taking off your robe, you were completely naked infront of him. There is fire in his gaze before kissing you, this time more intense that before, he clings to your body and a little moan escapes your lips. "and cut" the director says "camera number 2 get a closer look, Y/N  take off his pants okay?" he asks you and you simply nod not trusting how your voice was going to sound right now, as Chris looks away to the ceiling and takes a deep breath "Action" with trembling hands you begin to remove the belt, you hope that the trembling hands seems to be due to passion and not something else, just breath you think to yourself. Chris on the other hand kept looking at the ceiling, when the belt falls to the ground you start working with the zipper all without taking your eyes off him, seeing how every little touch of your hand affects him, he's acting, you remind yourself, but why if there isn't a camera on your faces only onyour waist. When his pants were almost removed the director says cut. "okay now i need more close ups, Chris, Y/N, i need you to kiss"

After a couple more takes the director is happy with the scene. You quickly put on your robe to cover yourself and Chris does the same "now i understand why you wanted to take a shot before filming" you say to break the silent "filming sex scenes are always awkward, that helps a little" he says "i ... i have to go" "yeah.. of course, good night Evans" you bite your lip. "goodnight" you see how his eyes stray to your mouth before disappearing out the door.

A shower... you need a very cold shower. You could still feel his hands on your body, not even a bathtub full of ice would calm the heat you have right now. After your shower your phone rings, John is calling you again, you wait until he hang up. John... six years of marriage and you have never felt like you did with Chris in that room, you knew he was acting but aparently your body didn't know. You had already decided to sleep in your trailer tonight when your door slammed open.

"Chris?" you ask surprised "what are you doing here?" "i ... was going to go home and then i saw your car, it’s late and i came to see if everything was fine" he says. "oh i'm fine, i'm going to stay here tonight and..." you start saying. "i lied" he cuts you off. "okay?" you were confused now. "i wanted to see you" he suddenly says "I've been trying for an hour to convince myself not to come here" he adds. "what would you...." but he shuts you up with a kiss, he wasn't drunk, he didn't taste like alcohol, there were no cameras, this was a real kiss... you don't have time to react when he breaks the kiss "Chris..." you don't know what to say, was this really happening or did you hit your head in the shower? "just tell me you don't want this and i'll go" he says looking at you intensely "tell me to stop" he kisses you again and this time you react, you get closer to him until you can feel his heartbeat, you open your mouth giving him a better access, he doesn't waste a second to start taking your robe. You didn't have time to think about this and you didn't want to, you weren't sure if this wasn't a dream and if it was you didn't want to wake up. Chris grabs your ass and a moan scapes your lips, he carries you to the sofa and gets on top of you, his shirt already on the ground, you quickly take off his pants, this time there was no one to yell cut. You and Chris barely stop kissing to breathe and because it was something strictly necessary, he was a good kisser, you bite his lip and this time he's the one who lets out a moan. Both of you were naked when he stops kissing you to look at you, never before have you felt so much desire for someone, it felt like it would consume you. "if you tell me to stop i'll stop" he caresses your face, right now you don't want to think about the consequences of what you're doing so you kiss him letting him know you didn't want him to stop and he didn't, he didn't stop until you were both so exhausted that you fell asleep.

so... what did you think?! 

MASTERLIST 

Part 4

[mostlymk11trash-blog]

Their S/o was mentally and physically abused

Of course, If this triggers you, please don't read. If you are in an abusive relationship please get the help you need.

This came out so much shitter than I wanted too im sorry 😕

Request for @baby-queen-girl

Okay so I only did 9 out of the 21 mk characters I write for. Some of these are short.

Kung Lao -

Your past wasn't something either Kung Lao or you spoke of very much he knew you've endured a lot of trauma such as him, but the burn scars that were on your right arm always concerned him, who could ever do such a thing to you? As Kung Lao questioned the scars you hung your head low telling him about your ex how he'd drink like a fish hardly came home from the bar once he did if one thing was dirty, out of place or dinner wasn't made a cigarette would be put out against your skin. Kung Lao was mortified hearing this rage filing his body his finger traced a scar near your collar bone, he needed to avenge you that night as you slept soundly beside him Kung Lao tried his best to find your ex with no luck he came back to the shared home hours later to see you waiting on the couch.

Raiden-

He was unfamiliar with the whole photo album thing but Raiden still sat there as you showed old childhood photos when you graduated from high school and college the smile on your face made it all worth it to him until the smile dropped, the photo was your wedding photo the forced smile on your face as you stood next to an unfamiliar man who held your waist tightly with one arm the other held onto a large bottle of liquor Raiden knew he was evil just the way he held and looked at you with such rage. The unexpected slam of the book made the god jump you apologized for him seeing the photo saying it was the worst 4 years of your life Raiden listened as you vented about the mental abuse your ex put you through, Your hand tightly gripping Raiden's he told you to worry about nothing of that sorts anymore placing a soft kiss against your forehead.

Kano-

Dating Kano meant useless fights over nothing but this one took the cake screaming throwing things, as he approached you trying to apologize for being an asshole sudden wave of fear ran through your veins memories smacking you in the face of your ex slamming you against the wall his hands around your throat tears flooded your vision as you stuttered out for him to not hurt you. Kano just stood there for a moment unsure of what to say gathering you in his arms sitting you on the couch he told you how he'd never hurt you.

(That sucked but The better one got deleted, Errons and Kuai Liang along with Kano's didn't save so I'm trying to write them like i did but they shitty

:( sorry)

Erron Black-

You never hid that your ex used to do horrible things to you, it was pointless to hide things from Erron he held his tongue as you told him your past he was angry you were the sweetest gal he knew. He tracked down that ex of yours placing a bullet through his skull making sure to bring back a bloody shell going home meant you'd be happy but he knew you'd be happier hearing the news of that shitty man's death, giving you a tight hug and a loving kiss placing the bloody bullet in your hand.

Kuai Liang -

Kuai Liang loved to treat you with a date night every once in a while letting you both escape the troubles of the Lin Kuei for a few hours but tonight's lovely dinner was ruined by your drunken ex slurring insults at you both before you could calm Kaui he was already on top of your ex beating him until he was begging at your feet to make him stop, Kaui apologized for ruining the night but he couldn't help but wondered who this man was that as he asked you explained as just an ex who was an asshole he loved to insult you before you could stop telling Kaui he was back grabbing your ex making him give you an apology. What a goof.

Hanzo Hasashi-

Sonya had told Hanzo about your past before you had the chance too, how you were locked inside for almost two years before you tried to escape you'd gotten miles from that horrible place before he caught you again slicing you from naval to tailbone leaving you for dead thankfully Sonya found you, Hanzo was infuriated how someone could call themselves a man yet do heinous things to a woman he wanted the name of that human garbage when he told you he knew about everything you broke down in his arms telling him that you didn't want him to know your past it made you feel weak. He held you close trying to calm you down telling you that your past made you into the strong woman you are now, kissing your forehead whispering how much he loved you.

Kenshi-

He often got home later than you as you worked a 9 to 5 while he was off killing monsters, Kenshi hardly entered your mind without consent but you were having a horrible nightmare thrashing crying in your sleep as he tapped into your mind a unfamiliar voice echoed you deserve this almost driving him mad Kenshi left your mind waking you up holding you to his bare chest.

Kabal-

(Not Dating)

He never understood why you were in the black dragon such a sweet kind hearted girl stuck with this clan you befriended him quickly he was shocked at you not gagging at the sight of his burnt self, that friendship lasted until your boyfriend came from his mission you seemed to disappear into your room once you left makeup was applied to your face body covered with baggy clothes hardly ever speaking to anybody. Kabal knocked on your door only hearing yelling back and forth between your boyfriend and you until he heard a loud bang against the wall kicking open the door you were against the wall face so bruised he could hardly recognize you that assholes hands around your neck one swift move with his hook sword the boyfriends head was on the ground.

Johnny Cage-

You'd never expect to be on a date with Johnny Cage none the less drunk on the couch with him both pouring out your hearts about mental abuse his from his father yours from an ex, you held him as he cried about his family he held you why you cried about your ex overall a good date until the morning you were beyond hungover while he was cooking breakfast acting like he never even drank. Once you both started talking about what happened last night he tried to tell you it got better after years but giving you his number if you ever needed to talk about it.

[tryingtobts]

Was It Worth It?- Memory 9

A/N: Honestly, I have this whole fic done in my notes and I want to post everything but I won’t because why not. Also I took inspiration from Mean Girls the musical for this chapter and the next chapters are going to have references to other musicals too.  Well, Enjoy!! Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x M!reader Trigger warning: Angst Was it worth it? Intro Memories: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Present Fates: 1 2 3 Memory 9 - Our Heartbreak

It was Thanksgiving break of our freshman college year. I was invited to a party by Jihan and of course I was told not to bring (Y/n). I hesitated knowing that (Y/n) wanted to spend thanksgiving weekend with me since the problems at home didn’t get better for him and my parents wouldn’t mind (Y/n) staying over. But I wanted to go to the party and stay with (Y/n). I didn’t know who to agree to. Eventually, Jae came to visit to whine about me not going to the party.

“Come on Jungkoooook! You know you want to go.” He whined.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and told him, “I don’t know Jae. (Y/n) and I have hit a rough patch and it’s better if we spend tomorrow together since it’s our anni-“

“But wouldn’t you rather have fun with everyone else and meet new people rather than sit through another Disney movie?” He asked.

“Actually, I enjoy spending time with (Y/n) and watching movies. It’s not like I can’t make an excuse for missing our anniversary.” I defended.

Jae rolled his eyes and held out his hand and said, “Phone please.” I looked at him confused.

“Come on trust me!” He said and gave a toothy smile.

I hesitated and unlocked my phone. As soon as it was unlocked, he snatched it.

“Hey-“ I yelled before he covered my mouth with his hand.

He looked through my contacts and dialled (Y/n). My eyes widened and I tried to get my phone back but failed as (Y/n) picked up. I froze and Jae put it on speaker.

“Hey bunny! What’s up? You need something?” (Y/n)’s cheerful voice rang through the phone.

Jae gagged and answered back, “Actually, it’s Jae. Jungkook can’t talk right now.”

“Oh? Is he alright?” His worried voice questioned.

“Umm kinda? I came to check on him since he hasn’t been answering my texts and it turns out this kid has been sick and can’t talk. His parents reluctantly let me in because he’s so sick.” Jae said with a fake worried voice.

“Ah really? Is Jungkook there with you right now?” (Y/n) asked.

Jae answered, “Yea but he’s asleep right now. I just wanted to inform you so you don’t come over and get sick too. I can leave a message for him if you want.”

There was a short silence before (Y/n) hummed and said, “mmk, just let him know to text me when he gets better and I’ll visit him in the next few days to check up on him.”

“Got it! Bye bye (Y/n).” Jae exclaimed before hanging up.

He whistled, “Wow, I didn’t know he was that oblivious! What a dumbass!”

I glared at him before elbowing him and getting my phone back. I was going to text (Y/n) back but Jae stopped me.

“Look, you wanted an excuse and I gave you one. Now, you can come to the party and see (Y/n) later.” He said.

I hesitated but put my phone away in defeat. I looked down in thought if this is what I truly wanted. Jae patted my back before leading me to his car to drive us to the store to buy stuff for the party.

The next day I went to the party with guilt. I started to drink so I can forget that I’m not with (Y/n). That I’m lying to him. After an hour, I couldn’t think straight, not when a familiar girl came up to me. Not when I flirted with her. Not when a familiar boy told me to come with him and that I was too drunk. Not when the girl smiled a devilish smile and asked about (Y/n). Not even when I laughed and yelled that (Y/n) was a nobody and I didn’t love him. Not when the I kissed the girl roughly. Only when the boy choked a sob did I realize what I said. Only when I looked at the girl and recognise her as Nari. Only when the boy became (Y/n) and he walked out with tears in his eyes. Only when I ran after him was when my guilt came back and I sobered up.

I grabbed his arm and turned him around. His angry eyes pierced me and I flinched under his gaze. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to the punch.

“How could you?! They said- I thought- How could you?!” He demanded.

“I- Jae said that- I wanted- you-“ I tried but I couldn’t get my explanation out because I couldn’t save myself this time.

“You lied to me! I visited your house to bring you soup, I was greeted with your confused parents saying that you went to Jihan’s house for a party!” He yelled and held up the bag that contained the food.

“They wanted me to come and didn’t want me to bring you! T-They didn’t think you would be fun.” I managed to spit out, thinking that the truth would help me.

It made things worse as (Y/n)’s expression turned darker, he scoffed, “That’s what’s always with you and your ‘friends’. You think that as long as you all have fun that everything is fine when you hurt people along the way. I’m done with you Jungkook.”

My eyes widened and I tried to argue against him, “It was your idea the be friends with them when we met them during class-“

He sarcastically laughed, “Honey, that’s not a friend! You’re more in that relationship with Nari then you ever were with me! You all think you’re so clever. You all think I’m so fucking dumb. You know, I might hate their guts, but here’s something you don’t seem to see, at least they had the guts to not pretend to love me!”

Shocked at his words, I reached my hand out and weakly said, “(Y/n)-“

He slapped my hand away, “NO! It’s fine! I’ll be fine! Go be fine with her!” He screamed.

He looked at the bag and took the food out, “And Happy Anniversary” And threw the soup container at me causing soup to drench me.

He walked away from me I couldn’t do anything but stare at his retreating form. I felt weak and my knees gave out. I hugged myself and sobbed. In denial, I thought ‘I’ll get him back. Yes! I-I’ll apologize next time I see him! Then we can work everything out together. He said he would be by my side forever! He’ll keep his promise for sure. (Y/n) never breaks his promises.’

I smiled to the sky before wiping my tears away and returning to the party to forget what just occurred. Denying that (Y/n) won’t forgive me.

I noticed Taeho looking at me weirdly as I entered before leading me up to a room and forcing me to change out of my wet clothes. His eyes held something close to pity but his words were something harsh, “Jeez JK. I know (Y/n) and I don’t get along but cheating is kinda harsh, ya know? I think you’ve had enough stuff to deal with tonight, just stay here and sleep off the alcohol. Hopefully, he’s willing to take you back but I doubt it.”

I looked at him confused and my words made his eyes swell with pity, “(Y/n) loves me, he’ll take me back for sure! Plus we didn’t break up, we didn’t end it. T-This is just a hiccup in our relationship!”

He sighed and put me in the bed before turning away towards the door.

He turned the lights off and walked out but not before mumbling, “This is something more than a hiccup, JK. But it’s not my problem, I wish you luck on that.”

The door closes behind him and I’m left alone. I slept easily in denial and had pleasant dreams of me and (Y/n), together and happy.

[classic-rock-roller]

1. In an interview with your band, the interviewer asks when you first got into music. Bonham answers, “I dunno about music, but I’ve always been very auditory. I remember when I was three I could tell which of my parents would be coming in the door by the different sounds of their keys.” What does the interviewer say, and how do you, Sean, Erik, and Linus respond?

I already knew this so I’m not surprised. 

Sean: Whoa neat! 

Linus: Is that why you and BabyCarrot can pick out instruments so well?

Erik: That’s why you can differentiate who comes to your and BabyCarrot’s door?

Interviewer: That’s interesting. Could you tell me more about that?

2. You get a call one day from CBS. The producer tells you that they’re doing a new season of celebrity big brother, but this one is exclusive to musicians. the contestants will be (if they accept) Crue, Kevin, Rudy, Carlos, Frankie, Tom, DLR, Jon Bon Jovi, Axl, Duff, Bonham, Sean, and you. Do you accept the invite? How does the show go? Who is the first one out? Who is the last one standing?

I don’t get the show but I join anyway. It’s fun although David is out first (he wouldn’t last let's be serious here) Everyone thinks that it’ll be a stalemate between Kevin and Tom but Vince surprises everyone and swoops in and is the last one standing. 

3. Your band, QR, and Cinderella are all participating in a photo shoot together. You’re all given a uniform of a baseball cap, a sports t-shirt, gym shorts, knee socks, and running shoes. You’re all placed in an open, sunny field next to a large bucket of water balloons. The photographer tells you, “This bucket is full of water balloons; 75% are regular water, the other 25% are full of kool-aid. Have at it, and we’ll take photos.” How does the shoot go? Who gets hit with the first kool-aid balloon? What do you all have to say when the shoot is over?

Kevin: You don’t have to ask me twice. 

He takes a water balloon and chucks it at Tom, of course, it’s a kool-aid balloon and it hits him right in the face. 

Tom: Oh, you’re dead. 

We all have fun and at the end, I go up to Tom and wrap my arms around him before kissing him. 

Me: You taste sweet. 

Tom: I’m only sweet for you. 

Carlos: Yeah! Get some! 

Rudy: Carlos stop. 

Frankie isn’t paying attention. 

Eric: Whoo! You’re getting some tonight, Tommy! 

Jeff: Don’t let us stop you! 

Fred just shakes his head 

Bons: Get a room! You’re burning the young one's eyes. 

Before she covers Sean’s eyes.

Erik and Linus: Yeah! 

Sean: I am not a child!

4. You and Bonham and Randy and Kevin are at McDonald’s one day when Randy asks if you’ve heard of the latest internet challenge. “What is it?” Kevin asks. “You get 20 chicken McNuggets and you have to eat them all in 20 minutes.” “What? I can do that in my sleep.” Bonham says. “Oh yeah? Put up or shut up.” Kevin says. Bonham takes the challenge, and she succeeds. Do any of the rest of you take it? What do you all say when she finishes?

I don’t but Randy and Kevin do. 

Kevin: That was easier than I thought it’d be. 

Me: It’s not hard my sister used to eat twenty in like five minutes.

Randy: How?! 

5. There’s a new QR interview video coming out today, and you are going to watch it with Tom after you get home from work. You ask Bonham if she wants to watch it with you and she just says, “No. I’d rather not relive it.” You’re confused, but you don’t bug her. When you get home you see Kevin’s car in your driveway, and he comes out to meet you. “Can you please let me in to talk to Bonham? She won’t let me in.” You say, “Just go inside, Tom would let you in.” “No he wouldn’t, he said to me and I quote, ‘Bonham’s pretty pissed so for your own sake I think you should just go home. Sorry man.’ I just want in!” You let him in the house, and he immediately tries Bonham’s door which is locked. “Come on, let me in! I just want to talk to you!” “No! I told you that in confidence and you ratted me out to the whole world! Go home!”  He goes downstairs and you finally ask him, “Why is she so mad at you?” He just kinda sighs and says, “Just watch the interview, it’ll save us all some time.” What did he say to ‘rat her out to the whole world?’ What do you and Tom say after you’ve seen the interview? Do you tell Kevin to go home or try to help him?

He talks about really intimate parts of their relationship, some of which she only shared with me and Tom didn’t even know. 

Me: Kevin, I thought you learned not to share intimate details about your sex life after you dated me. I’m not helping you, Kevin, you should have learned your lesson before. Go home and let her cool off. 

Tom: Yeah dude, that’s shitty. I don’t even share Am and my sex life with other people. Let her cool off and try coming ‘round in a couple days maybe. 

6. You and Tom and Kevin and Bonham are all in the car for a road trip. You’ve all cycled through driving shifts, so it’s ended up that you and Kevin are in the back, Tom is driving, and Bonham’s in shotgun. You and Bonham are sleeping, Kevin’s kinda zoned out, and Tom’s driving. At one point he stops at a fast food place to get some food. You’ve woken up, and Kevin’s zoning back in, but Bonham’s still sleeping. Tom gives her half a shake and tells her to wake up. She doesn’t. Kevin leans forward between the seats and says, “Unbuckle the belt. BabyCarrot go open her door.” You do, and he pushes her out. She hits the pavement pretty hard, groans, but doesn’t wake up. What do you say? How do Kevin and Tom react?

Me: Kevin! My god! 

I check to make sure she’s ok and then I pull her up and start talking to her. I then scream, “Danny is here!” Which jolts her awake. 

Bons: Where?!

Kevin: Oh, so you wake up for that. 

Tom is laughing because he thinks it’s hilarious. 

7. You are getting on the bus with the rest of your band, and Bonham and Sean are talking. You don’t hear the whole conversation, but you hear Bonham tell him, “I alternate between moods of “I’m more than just a pair of tits” and “Which shirt will make my boobs look best?” Sean responds with “Yeah man I totally agree.” How do you respond?

Sean, you don’t have boobs so don’t talk. I used to never go through that because no matter what I wore I looked like a stripper. Now I kind of don’t give a fuck.

8. Bonham was joining the staff of her old high school marching band for a day, and it’s band camp. You and Kevin and Tom decide to visit her. You arrive as they’re on the field, and she’s just finished doing the stretching and running warm ups with them. You guys walk up as she’s getting some water, and it’s really hot, so she chugs it. Some starts running down her face but she doesn’t seem to care, and when she’s done she takes a big gasp of air. “Jeez, thirsty much?” Tom says. Kevin gets a shit-eating grin on his face and says, “Oh, she’s always thirsty…” How do you and Tom respond? Do any of the kids in the band hear? What does Bonham say?

Me: *gag* Kevin! Knock it off, I don’t need to know if she’s not a quitter.

Tom: Seriously Kevin? There are teenagers present. 

Bons goes bright red and goes under her breath, “Kevin!” 

Some of the students have heard and a lot of the guys are snickering and pointing at us. 

9. Kevin and Randy are over one day with you and Bonham. Randy is outside on the phone, you’re digging in the fridge for a drink, and Bonham and Kevin are talking about childhood on the couch. Kevin asks if Bonham was getting paid for gigs at 12, and she tells him no. “WHat? If you weren’t then what were you doing?” “I was playing Minecraft, learning how to jerk off and catfishing pedophiles, like a normal 12 year old.” Randy walks in just as she says this, and you hear it from the kitchen. How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?

Kevin: Cool man, we share something in common. Well, except for the catfishing part. 

Randy: What did I just walk in to? 

Me: At least you weren’t policing your drunk ass family at weddings. 

10. You’re helping Bonham and Kevin move some furniture around in their house, and Kevin soon comes out of the bedroom asking, “Why is there a twin sized blanket that’s thinner than my patience on our king sized bed?” Bonham doesn’t look up and says, “Because my grandma gave it to me and I’ll die before I get rid of it.” How does Kevin respond? What do you say?

“You have those too? I can never bear to get rid of any of the blankets my great grandmother crocheted for me. You can always save it for when you guys have a little one.”

This causes Kevin to choke on his water and Bons to grow red. 

11. You and Bonham are going to do Guest Grumps for the first time since you got with Tom. You’ve both barely walked in and greeted Arin and Danny when Kevin suddenly comes bursting in, “Hey babe you forgot your coat in my car and it’s supposed to rain later.” Danny says, “But that’s Bonham’s jacket,” just as Kevin hands it to her and she says, “Oh thanks, that’s so thoughtful.” She gives him a kiss before saying, “You should get to work before Frankie yells at you.” He gives her another kiss before saying, “Yeah I know.” He gives Arin and Danny a quick wave and says, “It was good to see you guys again.” before walking out. Arin and Danny are standing in stunned silence, both with this type of look on their faces :O. They look at each other, then at you, then they explode into a million questions. What are they asking whom? How does Bonham answer? How do you answer? What do they say?

They both go: “Wait, what? When did that change? Is he fucking both of you now? Are you in a poly relationship? Who are you with now BabyCarrot?”

Danny: I’m so confused.

Me: No, we’re not in a poly relationship. Kevin and I broke up about five months ago. I’ve been dating Tom Keifer ever since. 

Bons: Yeah, and Kevin and I have been dating for about a month of two. 

Danny: Do we get to meet this Tom?

Arin: Yeah, is he going to pop the question?  

____________________

1) You, your singer, Kevin, and Tom are on a road trip and you break down in the middle of the desert. You’re sitting waiting for triple-A and Kevin starts to complain and it turns into him and Tom arguing. Finally, your singer just screams, “I hope the serial killer comes out of the desert and takes me out of this misery because I can’t stand to listen to the two of you fight anymore.” How do you, Tom, and Kevin respond?

2) Your singer has broken up with Tom and she’s been locked in her room ever since besides to leave for work and to eat. Tom has been calling her but she won’t answer. Finally, he comes to the door and gives you a tape, “Please play this for her.”  The tape says ‘Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s gone)’. You play it for her and you can hear the anguish in his voice you both can clearly tell it was written for her. How do the two of you respond and what does she do when Tom comes to the door again? 

3) Mal is only a couple of weeks old and you are over helping Kevin and your singer take care of him one day. You pass the nursery and see Kevin standing in the doorway. You come up next to him and find your singer holding baby Mal and quietly singing to him Sweet Child O Mine. Kevin has this dopey smile on his face. What does he say to you and how do you respond, what does your singer say once she notices the two of you?

4) You’re sitting with your singer, Tom and your singer’s friend Ash at the recording studio. Ash and Tom are listening to you and your singer record some lyrics for your new album when Ash says, “That song is about sex.” Your singer says into the microphone, “If you try hard enough all songs are about sex.” How do you, Tom, and Ash respond?

5) You are at a party with these cute guys named Kevin and Randy. You, Kevin, and Randy are talking and your singer is over playing Pong. She’s getting aggravated at losing and Kevin is watching her. All of a sudden he says, “You don’t marry the prettiest girl at the party. You marry the one whose yelling at the beer pong table because she’s losing. That girl is going to raise winners and you want your kids to be winners.” How do you and Randy respond?

6) You're over at your singer and Tom’s house and your singer is sleeping on the couch with her head in your lap. You’re watching tv when all of a sudden you hear your singer scream, “TOM!!!!” And then fall off the couch. She apparently screamed his name in her sleep and woke herself up falling off the couch. Tom comes running into the room with a baseball bat and is going, “What? What?” How do you and your singer respond and what does he say?

7) You and your singer are on a Power Hour with Danny and Arin and you somehow get on the subject of strip clubs. Your singer goes, “Oh yeah, I’ve been to strip clubs.” Arin goes, “Wait, YOU’VE gone to a strip club?!” and Danny goes, “When did you go to strip clubs?” You singer sits back and goes, “Back in college, I used to go with my roommate. Although she only likes the ones where the girls get to be topless.” She flashes you guys and the camera a smirk. How do you, Danny, and Arin respond?

8) Your singer has this jacket that she wears onstage. She’s had it since she was a teenager and it’s covered in band patches that she’s purchased over the years. Kevin thinks he’s being helpful to her and he tries to wash it. When he does this, the washer and dryer completely eat it. You’re with him when he pulls it out and he goes, “Oh my god she’s going to kill me.” How do you respond and what does your singer say once she sees her “lucky jacket”? 

9) You and your singer are rudely awoken one morning by your college dorm’s fire alarm. You both put on shoes and trudge outside. Your singer is standing next to your neighbor Nikki and a few yards away is Tommy. He was in the shower when the alarm went off so he’s only in a towel. Your singer is checking him out while waiting to be let back in and Nikki goes, “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Your singer says back, “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a fine ass man.” How do you and Nikki respond and what does Tommy say (if he heard her)?

10) Kevin comes barging into your and Rudy’s house after Tom and your singer announced their engagement (in the same magazine as QR’s interview no less) and is ranting and raving about how he can’t believe this and that. Tom looks like he’s about to punch Kevin. Your singer stands up, squares her shoulders and goes, “Kevin, I love you but you’re full of yourself and an asshole at times. Why do you think I’m engaged to Tom? He’s nothing like you. He didn’t put me through hell and beat me when he was high and drunk.” Your singer grabs her bag and hugs you, “I’ll see you for lunch tomorrow. See ya, Rudy.” How does Kevin respond and what do Tom, you and Rudy say?

11) Cassie loves Frozen and while at Disney she sees that they have a musical. She runs up to your singer and Tom and goes, “Can we go watch it? Please?” Tom goes, “It’s in air conditioning, sure.” Kevin rolls his eyes and says, “Am I seriously going to watch a musical right now?”  Cassie stands in front of him and gives him big puppy dog eyes, “Please Uncle Kevin?” You see Kevin visibly soften (he can never say no to his goddaughter). How does Kevin respond and what do you, your singer and Tom say? 

12) While at Disney all Kevin wants is a turkey leg, one time you’re walking and he goes, “I only came to get a turkey leg. Where are the turkey legs?” He looks around before pointing out a guy across the walkway, “That guy has a turkey leg.” He starts to go after him, “Sir, where did you get the turkey leg, Sir?” How do you, your singer, Tom, Cassie, and Sam respond?

13) You are hanging out with your singer and her friends. They’re all getting ready to go to a party while you and your singer are going to the studio to work on more tracks for your next album. They ask your singer to stand on the couch to get a picture. She looks behind her at the window and goes jokingly, “Can I fall out the window, please?” Before tipping herself back a bit. How do her four friends respond and what do you do? 

14) Your singer and Tom have had their third kid and you go to see them, bringing Cassie and Sam in tow. Your singer smiles at you and goes, “Meet Christie Lee Keifer.” Kevin goes, “Wait, did you seriously name your daughter after a Billy Joel song?” Tom answers, “Yes, do you have a problem with that?” How does Kevin respond and what do you say when your singer hands you the baby, what do Cassie and Sam do?

@osbournebemydaddy   your turn Bons :)

[samallamasensei]

A Far Cry from Before || 17

Summary: You never understood why you were paired with him, but you always took a liking to him. He made you feel so special but you were always stuck in the Friend-zone, maybe it’s finally time to get out?

Genre: Romance, Drama

Characters: Yoongi, Jimin, Jungkook, Erin, Erena, Taehyung, Reader

T/N: anything written between the forward slashes are the readers thoughts

T/N2: This is a reallllly long chapter and has a few NSFW parts

DISCLAIMER: Yoongi is drunk through the second half of the chapter. The scenes will jump, just so I can move past his POV. He is overly drunk and really confused x

~Yoongi POV~

The night has become quiet. Strolling around the house putting the shopping away. You don’t ask for help because it’s just who you are. Your smile is sweet and sincere, but people think you are stuck up and just the opposite. Even her. You are scared to confront her because she drives the conversation into a ‘Jungkook this’, ‘Jungkook that’. You question why you dislike him so much. /He is talented, his voice is beautiful, and he is full of life – is it her? / You flail your hand about to dismiss those thoughts. /Were they wrong though? / Before thinking anything else you go to her room and watch her throw her clothes around in anger, “What!” she yelled. You didn’t say anything just shrugged your shoulders. “I’m getting out like you said!” she cried. You sigh and sit down on her bed, “my love. I said you need to leave the house to get some air. You haven’t left the house. You’ve been wallowing around and it’s getting to your head”. “So, I’m a nut bag? Lock me up officer” she with obvious anger. “It won’t be the first time will it?” quirked your brow, she mirrors your look while throwing a bundle of clothes at you.

She finally leaves the house leaving a sweet trail of the strawberry shampoo and conditioner. You almost follow the scent. But you have things to do. You walk into Jimins room and see Jimin with the duvet pulled over his face. “Minmin. Are you sleeping?”, he hummed in response, “Minmin!” you yelled out. He throws the duvet off and kicks his legs around and whined, “I don’t want to hang the fairy lights up! Why can’t you get Namjoon to get it!”, you laughed it off and slapped his inner thigh leaving a red hand print, “Because Namjoon wasn’t asked to do the fairy lights, you were.  And he called me this morning to say he wasn’t coming”. “I don’t like it when you say my name” growled Jimin and continued, “What about her? What’s her name?”. You press your finger against his lips, which he licks. You screw up your face and winks. “Why do you always play games with me Minmin” you say while licking your finger. Getting up off his bed and leaving his room, you stop at the door frame, “Fairy lights pretty please Minmin” he frowned, while you added, “Her name is Erena by the way. She’s my only escape from his home”

The lights were up after hassling Jimin. The drinks were chilled in an aluminium bucket out the back. You still didn’t feel right. You stomach was twisting and turning. The clock in the kitchen is ticking loudly, you can hear water dripping /What’s happening? / You pull out your phone.

Hey. Can you come over early and help decorate? I need your skillz -Yoongi

Ofc. When? – Dork

Um. Soon? I kicked Y/N out so I could focus on decorating but my minds blank -Yoongi

Be over soon -Dork

Waah! Thank you Erena -Yoongi

You happily jump around the kitchen, clapping your hands. *knock knock* Jimin yells out, “JUNGKOOK!!”. Your stomach drops again. “Where can I help?” he asks. “Um Yoongles needs help with decorating”. Before you could interrupt Jungkook finds you on the floor with your head in your hands. You reach for your phone.

Sorry! ☹ JJK just arrived. Jimin allocated him to the decorating committee See you tonight? - Yoongi

Well, Jimin can piss off but that’s alright. I’m still in bed anyway. Yep I’ll see you later lol -Dork

The rest of that afternoon into night involved you showing Jungkook around and drinking beer after beer. Guests turned up, Erin, Erena and Taehyung. You hugged everyone and kissed Erena on the cheek. She was your favourite person there. If looks could kill, I’d be dead right now, you were lowkey in love with Erena, but you were with. Her. She was everything you loved about humans. She wasn’t to be messed with, she had her life sorted out and everything in between. /Why couldn’t SHE be like this. I practically spoon feed her! Why am I so negative tonight? I’ll have one more drink to calm my nerves/.

You yell out to Taehyung, “Tata. I can you get her please. She’ll be at the park around the corner”. Taehyung flashes his boxy smile, taps your jaw with his index finger and walks off. While Taehyung was getting her, yourself, Erena, Erin, Jungkook and Jimin were hidden in Jimins room. Jungkook was getting messages from her and would suddenly hide his phone. “What is she saying?” Erin blurted out as she skulled a shot down. “She’s angry at Yoongi for kicking her out” Jungkook confessed. You hiss at the situation, “Does she know you’re here Jungkook?” Erin asks. “Nope. I haven’t replied. I called her earlier. But she was in a mood” he says. You check your phone, ‘0 messages’ until now, ‘1 message from Dork’

I’ll say this Minty. Leave her. She’s bad for you. I’m not looking to dick you down, I’m only looking out for you. More than what she is doing -Dork

You look at Erena and smile weakly and get a message, you think it’s from Erena. It’s not.

Yoongi. Can I come back home? I’m cold! X - Mew mew (Y/N)

Yep. I’ll see you soon xox - Yoongi

You stood up, walked to the back and started opening beers.

4 bottles, 5 bottles, 6. You were drunk. “Oh shit. Taehyung said they are almost home!” yelled Jimin. Erin scowled at him “Jimin! She could hear you”. “Where’s Jungkook?” Erena asked and before you could reply, noisy Jimin interferes. “He’s outside waiting to say hi to her”, Erena looks at you confused, “That wasn’t part of the plan was it?” she whispers. Your mind wasn’t straight. You run out the back and get to the front in time to see her run into Jungkooks arms. “I missed you” she cried. You walk up the steps and turn your head to the side and he walks back into the house. /Why is she trying to follow him inside? / Your mind is full of questions and doubt. Him and her back together is all you can think about. You pull her into a hug, “Happy Birthday babe” you say a bit too loud. “I love you” you murmur but you aren’t sure if she hears you, her head turns to Jungkook. The both of you kiss. She seems hesitant and distracted. /Is it the beer? Is it him? / You retreat inside and so does she with Taes hands covering her eyes.

Everyone screams, “SURPRISE” she is in shock. Your mind is fuzzy and drunk. You waddle to her in a drunken manner, say hello and kiss her on the nose before turning her to meet Jungkook. You retreat once more and go back to Jimin. “I want to punch him” you say to Jimin, Erin overhears and laughs awkwardly, “Don’t be so dumb” Jimin says bluntly, “No more beersies for you Minty” Erena says while taking a drink from her red plastic cup, you look at her “You’re one to talk! Madame!”. “Okay you’re drunk” Jimin interrupts. You walk over to Erena, “I chooseth you. Erena” you whisper a you plant a deep kiss on her lips. She doesn’t do anything but her jaw drops. “Jimin stop him” Erin warns, “What?” Jimin looks her and sees you you take a swig of your beer and run at Jungkook. Fist in the air. You hit him good in the jaw. He goes flying to the ground. “JIMIN!” You look back ready to go in for a second hit and Jimin has your arm in his hands.

Jimin leads you to your room. “Stay here” he demands as he puts his hands firmly on your shoulders and push you down on the bed. “I a naughty boy” you say putting your wrists out. “Shut up” Jimin laughs as you grab his arms, pulling his body closer to you. His face is so close to yours. You can’t help your drunk self. /Why am I kissing him? / His tongue is entangled in yours – hot breaths. Your hands; they are wandering his body and over and under his clothes. Your hand inside travels down his torso, undoes the belt buckle, undoes the button and zip, now in his pants. /Fuck his dick is big/. You want to jerk him off so badly, but his hand stops you. “Yoongi. I am going to get her now” he moans under his breath. You pout and sit down.

This 1-minute feels like forever. But here she is. You confess your soul to her and break up with her. You give her one last kiss and send her off. Your heart is broken but it is slowly being mended. /Now I need to go back and enjoy this party/. As you get up, in comes the black-haired beauty, drunk. She leans on the closet looking for somewhere to hide from the drama in the living room. “Want to join me?” she says while offering up your closet. You look at your hard-on, walk over to her and start to use every pick-up line under the sun. Slowly but surely, you make your hands and lips to her body. You fall into the closet and have the best sex you’ve ever had.

Click here for more: !

[slut-for-fandoms]

Drinking buddy

Pairings: Peter x reader; Father!Tony x reader

Requested: Hi! would you mind writing one where the reader is Tony Starks daughter, and she and Peter are good friends and they know each other through the avengers. Tony is having a grown up party with alcohol and invites Peter, and tells the two to stay away from the alcohol but they end up getting drunk they can't stop laughing and is just goofing around, and the team tries to get them out of there before Tony sees them. And Peter spends the night and next morning they have hangover and Tony finds out?

Word count: 4 220

A/N: I know i haven’t been active for such a long time but i am back now :O First i wanna apologize for posting this request so late and for the tons of mistake you may see. I hope you guys like it and please let me know what you think. (i am so desperate, i really need to know) Feel free to request ♥

Friday. Another boring day in the tower of the famous superheroes named ‘The Avengers’. You may think that being a child of one of them would be so cool and your life full of adventures but oh dears, how wrong you are…My name is (Y/N), daughter of the one and only Tony Stark aka Iron Man. And although my father and his friends are the saviors of the world, I cannot say my life is so interesting. Just like my father I’m a really good mechanic and I love creating new things. That’s what I do almost all the time but daddy never lets me help him and I kinda understand why but still I am angry at him. I have tried so many times to persuade him to let me do something for the team but he insisted on my staying away and being safe. Bullshits. Everyone knew my father has a daughter, if somebody was to attack me, they would have done it not caring whether I am in the team or not. However, let’s stop with self-pitting and getting you bored to death.  

As I was saying, it was a Friday morning and I was alone (again) in the spacious tower waiting for my father and his teammates to come back from a mission in London I didn’t know about…Well, not as much as I wanted. When I woke up I did everything ordinary- brushed my teeth, cooked something for breakfast, stumbled over the carpets because I was too sleepy and bored to look where the hell I was going, watched TV, ate again, went to the balcony, a second later to the kitchen for a hot chocolate but exited the room with a piece of cake. So basically my day was – eating, watching and sleeping just like now.

“(Y/N)!”, someone screamed in my ear and I jumped from the sofa I was currently sleeping on. The action caused my body falling on the ground and feeling a strong pain in my ass. As I was still sleepy I tried to stand up as fast as I can to protect myself but I hit my head on the table next to me.

“Shit!”, groaning I laid on the floor waiting for the headache to disappear.

“Sorry.”, the person said but still giggled at the spectacle that happened in front of him.

“Fuck you, Parker!”, he just laughed and extended his arm in order to help me stand.

“Language, (Y/N)!”, I smirked as Steve’s voice echoed through the room. Seconds later I saw him and the others entering. My dad, of course, was caring a bottle of whiskey and some cups for the others.

“You look like hell”, I stated after looking at all of them. Nat and Clint were still in their uniforms, which were covered in blood, both theirs and probably the victims’. “What happened to you? I didn’t expect you to come back so early.”

“Well, to cut a long story short, they tricked us.”, Nat groaned as she took a glass of whiskey.

“More than once.”, Bruce finished. By the look on their faces they were pretty worn out. Only Peter looked okay.

“And why is Peter the only one who looks like a fresh flower?”, his smile vanished immediately and he frowned at us like a child.

“They locked me on the helicopter so I could not help them in the mission.”, the way he talked made me laugh, he was really behaving like a little kid.

“Come on, Pete. We talked about this. You helped us and didn’t get hurt.”, Wanda spoke. Her face was wounded and tired, “And no matter how much I like talking to you, I need to rest, so see you later.”, and with that she exited the room.

“At least it is Friday. You have two days off now.”

“Being a superhero means you never get the chance of resting and having days off, (Y/N).”, my father spoke but as soon as the words escaped his mouth, he stood from the chair with a smile on his face.

“We all know you have something stupid in your head, Stark.”, Clint exclaimed, “What is it now?”

“We’ll make a party. Tonight.”

“Yeah, because a party is the last thing we need right now.”, Natasha and Steve disagreed with my father.

“Oh, come on! We need to ease out minds and have some fun. We have no idea whether Colson will phone us tomorrow with some shit information or another mission. I don’t know about you but I am throwing a party tonight and I indeed don’t care whether you would come or not.”

“I know I will regret this later, or probably till the end of my life but I think he is right.”, Clint spoke and stood up, “We need a way to unbend.”

“That sounds super, daddy. What time will the party st-”

“Oh, no. No, no and no. It will be an adult party, sweetheart. You and Peter are too young to attend it.”

“Wait, what?!”, I and Peter screamed at the same time, “I hate you! You never let me have some fun in my life. You didn’t let me be part of you, I am capable of helping you and yet you make me stay away! You ditch me here alone for days while you guys are on a mission and when there is something that can entertain me for some hours, you banish me! That IS NOT FAIR!”, I screamed at my dad. He opened his mouth to say something but I hurried to get out of the room. I wasn’t really into getting a rap on the knuckles for my behavior. I went straight to my room but before I got the chance of closing the door, somebody stopped me.

“Hey, there.”

“Hello, Peter.”

“May I come in?”, without answering I opened the door more widely for him to enter, “I know how you feel but you should understand him.”, he spoke softly.

“Understand him?! For what?! He is being so mean towards me and I have no idea why. I have done nothing!”

“I know how you feel, (Y/N). I’ve been, no, I am still going through the same. First it’s aunt May, and on missions it is Tony. He has only you and he is afraid of losing you.”

“That doesn’t explain why he is behaving like that.”

“No, it does. I didn’t say it was right or that there is logic in his actions but you know him better than anyone else. Don’t be so harsh on him, he loves you and we all know that.”

“It is strange that he doesn’t allow me go to the party! He has done so many things when he was a teenager, things I do not want to mention.”, but no matter how angry I tried to be, I knew Peter was right. I should try to work out the things.

“Well, he may have forbidden us to go but is that actually going to stop us?”, a playful smirk appeared on his face. I smiled widely and looked at the boy who was now sitting on the bed next to me.

“Did I hear you right? The nerd boy Peter Parker suggesting going on a party?”

“Do not act as though it surprised you.”, he sounded offended but he was giggling.

“How are we going to do it?”

“I dunno but give me some time to form a plan. I will get you after some hours for the party, milady.”

“When did you become so confident?”

“After I embarrassed myself over 20th times in front of you.”

We stayed in my room for two or three hours giggling at the memories when I and Peter first met each other and how nervous he had been. I had never expected to have someone as close as him but Peter had somehow found a place in my heart and I still couldn’t figure out what exactly it was. After the boy left I opened my wardrobe, sat on the bed and looked at it trying to figure out what the hell to wear. The never ending problem of a girl. My father had filled it with so many clothes and yet nothing seemed too good for tonight.

It seemed that I had fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes I was greeted by a handsome vision of Peter.

“Why are you not ready?”, he screamed-whispered.

“I dunno what to wear.”, answering simply I closed my eyes in order to sleep at least 5 minutes more.

“Oh, no! No! No and no!”, exclaiming the boy shook me lightly and tried to make me sit, “We are not going to sleep because we are having fun tonight, you get it Stark?”

Groaning I rubbed my eyes and when everything became clear I glanced at Peter. He was wearing trousers and a red short sleeve shirt which I had to admit was classy and sexy on him.

“You look, just…Wow.”, I swear I saw him blushing at my comment.

“Well, thank you. Now, we have to see what you are going to wear. The party started like 1 hour ago so I hope that ‘till we are ready your father will be drunk enough to not spot us.”

“My father can never be that drunk. I have the feeling that the alcohol isn’t affecting him anymore.”, we laughed and then searched through my wardrobe for something suitable.

To not waste your time with boring descriptions, I will only say that we spent an hour until we were finally ready. When we exited the room I did my best not to think about the mess inside. All my clothes were lying on the floor but at least it was worth it. Taking Peter’s hand we headed downstairs where the party was held. I was wearing a dark red dress, which was a present from Nat. It had sleeves but my shoulders were bare and so were my legs. It wasn’t that short but surely it wasn’t something my father would approve.  

As every step we took, the music was getting louder and louder. When we arrived I was shocked. I had never seen so many people in one room. Looking around I saw a DJ, probably a famous one, a bar, an improvised dance floor and no place to sit.

“Probably no one will spot us.”, Peter shouted so I could hear him but as life is a bitch, someone spoke behind us right after Peter said that.

“What the hell are you two doing here?”, when I turned around I calmed a little as it was Nat and nobody else. Honestly, she and Steve and maybe Thor are the only one I can trust to not tell my dad when I am in a serious trouble.

“Nat, please, do not tell dad!”

“If you promise me to not do anything stupid.”, she had crossed her arms in front of her chest but surely the alcohol she had drunk was making the things so easy for us.

“When have I let you down?”, I winked at her but she only rolled her eyes and a smile cracked on her face.

“Just have some fun and stay away from your dad. If he sees you, I do not know you. Get it?”

I and Peter nodded and turned around. I looked at the bar and when I saw nobody of our friends was there I nudged Peter.

“Let’s drink something.”, smirking at me, he took my hand and we headed towards the bartender.

“I would like-”

“Sorry, miss but you don’t seem like an adult, neither your friend.”, I clenched my teeth. For the first time in my life I wanted to have some fun and this guy was not going to ruin it.

“Do you know who you are talking to? Excuse you, but my father has fired you to serve for his party and right now, he wants some drinks for him and his friends. You can see them over there if you want.”, I didn’t turn around because I had no idea where daddy was and I didn’t want to attract his attention if by some chance he had saw me, “so I don’t want to get a rap on the knuckles because somebody cannot do their job.”, I knew I sounded kinda bitchy but I had to. Sometimes you have to show people who you are.

“My sincere apology, Ms. Stark. I will give you the drinks in seconds.”, the man turned around to pour some alcohol. He didn’t ask us what we wanted but as I had said they were for my father, the bartender probably knew what he usually drank. Spinning around the man gave us four glasses of whiskey on rocks, a cocktail and two shots of vodka I think.

“Thank you.”, smiling at him I took half of the shots, while the others were taken by Peter.

“That’s why I love you, (Y/N)!”

“Why? Because I can supply you with alcohol? And I thought you were a nice guy.”, I acted as though I had been hurt but the smile on my face gave me away.

“Well, we’ll see tonight.”

“You wanna get drunk?”

“Why not? And besides, tell me someone better to embarrass myself in front of than you.”, smirking I stopped and so did Peter. I got nearer and looked up at him.

“Then, what are we waiting for?”, his smile grew wider. We put the glasses on a table near us and we both stayed with the two shots of vodka. Cheering we tangled our hands, just like the married couple do at their wedding, and drank them on ex.

“Shit.”, i exclaimed as I felt the liquid going down my throat.

“That thing is like fire, dammit.”, Peter was coughing and I was laughing at him.

“I thought you were tougher than that, Parker.”

“You have seen nothing, yet, darling.”

“I hope so.”, smirking, we took the next shot.

And we were on a roll. After we finished our drinks we decided to have some fun. I dragged Peter to the dance floor. Although we were drinking so much for a first time, I didn’t feel drunk, neither did Peter. We just had more courage and didn’t care about the world. Dancing around, laughing at our moves, joking and flirting with each other distracted us and we didn’t see my father getting near. I was about to bump at him when a strong figure stood between my father and I. Looking up I saw Thor’s face and beamed.

I threw my hands in the air happy to see the god and opened my mouth but he used his free hand to shut me. He looked back and stood like that for some seconds. After that he let me go and drank from his whiskey.

“What was that for?”, although I wanted to be angry I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool.

“You two were about to get in a serious trouble if it wasn’t me and Nat to prevent Tony from seeing you.”

“Thank you, Thor!”, exclaiming I hugged him tightly which coughed him off guard. Peter used the opportunity to steal Thor’s drink and take a sip.

“No, no!”, he tried to get it back but I was the one who took it from Peter. Thor turned towards me but he wasn’t that fast as I tried the beverage, too, “Shit, shit, shit!”, he couldn’t stop cursing as he saw his glass empty.

Suddenly everything in the room became blur and spun. I staggered and caught Peter’s arm to regain balance but Peter was about to fall. It was Thor who took us and helped us stay still. A minute or two later everything was fine but far away from normal.

“I thought that was whiskey. ” , Peter spoke.

“It was, but I have put something special from Asgard as your alcohol cannot affect me that much. Shit! Tony’s gonna kill me.”

“I feel awesome.”, I was definitely drunk as the words escaping my mouth were in a slow motion.

Thor turned around hoping he would see Nat or Steve or anybody except Tony that would help him. I grabbed Peter and tried to drag him away from the Norse god without falling on the floor. We were away from him but we bumped in someone else. Turned out to be Vision.

“Hello.”, he greeted us, “I thought Mr. Stark forbade you to come.”

“Hello, Vision.”, Peter said, the smile never leaving his face.

“No, I talked with him later.”, I didn’t know why but I couldn’t stop laughing, “He said yes.”

“You look drunk.”

“Yes.”, I screamed, “That was the point, right Peter?”, unfortunately I turned around too fast and staggered. I fell on Peter but as he was as drunk as me we both fell on the floor.

“It seems you fell for me, huh?”

“For you, dunno, but thanks in it was on you.”

We were sounding so stupid and I was sure there was no logic on whatever we were saying. I lied next to him and burst out laughing.

“There you are!”, Nat shouted angrily as she approached us, Thor behind her.

“Hello, Nat! Do you have some drinks with you?”

“No drinks for you anymore!”

“But I want!”, both Peter and I shouted and looked like spoilt brats. We looked at each other and again we began acting as though we had been insane.

“Oh, god! Thor, why did you give your asgardian thing to them?”

“Do not shout at me, Natasha! It’s not like I let them, they just stole it.”

“What are we going to do with those two. They are uncontrollable.”, while she was talking to the Norse god, she didn’t manage to see us sneaking out. For an assassin she wasn’t that good with keeping an eye on people.

“Where are they?!”

“Where is who?”, as the question was asked, the three superheroes froze. It was Thor to turn around and speak.

“Natasha’s weapons. She thinks somebody has stolen them.”

“Oh, I will buy you others. Just have some fun for one night. You guys surely do not know how to enjoy a party.”, Tony rolled his eyes and turned around to leave his mates.

“That was close.”, Nat breathed out, “We better find them. Now!”

“It won’t be that hard. They are over there.”, Vision pointed at us as were roaming around the room stealing drinks left without a supervision. We were taking, drinking, leaving the glass. I was about to do it again but I felt strong arms around my waist.

“If you wanted me, you could have just asked me.”

“I surely do not like your drinking state.”, Thor stated as he lift me and began walking out of the room. I took a hold of the door trying to prevent him from getting me out.

“No! I am not going anywhere!”, after some minutes of struggling to take me out of the room, he finally did.

“Those two are like newborns. You should always supervise them.”, Steve spoke as he caught up with us, holding Peter who was doing everything he could to get out of Cap’s grip.

“Captain America is here to save the princess from the villain.”

“No, Captain America is here to save both your and our lives from your angry dad if he finds out about your state.”

“You are bad. I and Peter wanted fun. You ruined it.”

The next thing I remember was the ceiling of my room.

I couldn’t say opening my eyes was an easy job. Even the slight light in the room was causing me a splitting headache. It was like somebody was hitting me with a hammer after they had punched me several times and had slammed my head against the wall. My eyes were in agony, I just wanted to get them out of my head. Finally I managed to open my eyes but of course with a lot of cursing and groaning which caused the awakening of somebody in the other corner of the bed.

I made an effort to sit up and look who was there but the sudden and stronger pain in the back of my head stopped me. This time I wasn’t the only one groaning in pain.

“Shit. My head is about to explode.”, I heard Peter’s voice. Events from last night started to appear but they were like small pieces of a really enormous puzzle.

“What happened last night?”, whispering, I started to massage my head in order to reduce the pain.

“Dunno.”, the boy answered. I didn’t feel the bed moving so he was probably in lack of energy just like me, “But we have overdone drinking.”

“You don’t say…”

I closed my eyes again ready to fall asleep when I felt something vibrating. Turning around I saw some black spots due to the fast movement. When everything came back to normal I looked at the night stand next to my bed. There was a message from Nat but I first spotted were the two glasses of water and some pills. Smiling I took one of them and threw the other at Peter.

“What the hell, (Y/N)?”

“Just take it. I hope it helps.”, groaning he sat up with a lot of effort. Of course he was in the sitting position five minutes later but still, he took the water and swallowed the liquid and the pill.

“My dad’s gonna kill us.”

“Only if he finds out.”, Peter mumbled as he laid back on the bed. And speaking of the devil…

“You are in a serious trouble young lady!”, my dad’s voice was loud bun with the hangover it sounded as though I had been near music columns.

“Daddy, please…”, I whispered and massaged my head again.

“Do not daddy me! How could you do this? After I forbade you!”

“Of course she would do so, Tony.”, Clint stated. I hadn’t noticed that some of the Avengers were in the room, “She’s your daughter after all.”

“I- wait, what?!”, Tony looked confused yet angry at his teammate.

“Clint’s right and you know it. How many times have we forbidden you do something and you still have done it anyway.”

“How am I the guilty one now?”

“Dad, please, do not shout…”

“Peter, what are you doing here?!”

“I-”, Peter stuttered as Tony’s attention was now on him. It seemed that my daddy didn’t notice him when he burst into the room.

“It’s not his fault. He just came with me to keep an eye! I made him drink all the shots and Thor’s asgardian thi-”

“You gave them that?!”, dad looked at Thor with wide eyes filled with shock and anger, “You gave my daughter -”

“Oh, no! No, no and no! Not again. I did not give them anything, they stole it and drank it.”, with an irritated face Thor left the room. I should apologize to him later, he has done everything he could to save me from my dad after all.

“Can you leave us, alone?”, seven or eight heads turned towards me. They all nodded and left the room. Nat came and helped Peter who was still trying to fight his hangover. Well, next time I would know that he should not drink so much.

“Peter, next time I see you in my daughter’s bed I would end you.”, Dad threatened him.

“Daddy.”, Tony looked at me and once he saw the pain written on my face and heard the desperation in my voice he calmed down a little. Coming closer he sat on the bed next to me.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”, I expected him to shout, throw things, be sarcastic, angry…anything but apologizing was something I did not thought would follow.

“I shouldn’t have disallowed you from coming. I, Clint was right…I know what I’ve been doing when I was your age and I just didn’t want you to be the same. In attempts to protect you from turning into me,  have caused something way worse…I know you are probably hating me, not only because of the party bur for everything…”

“I don’t hate you, dad. Fuck it, I love you more than anything. It’s just I spent my days here, doing nothing, especially when you are on missions. I just wanted some fun, some socialization, some…some time with you, even though it would be on a party. I’m sorry I acted like this. I wanted to prove something to myself and mainly because I wanted to break the rules…”

“Sounds like a man I know.”, a smile cracked on his face and we both laughed at the comment.

“Can we…can we spend the day together? Just me and you?”

“Of course darling.”, daddy responded. I didn’t miss the tears he was holding back. Tony and I had never been much into such talks, apologizing for hours and so on. We needed only one hug or look to understand each other and know the things were better, “But I have something to do first.”, he said and stood up.

“What?”

“Killing my teammates for trying to hide you and your drunk ass from me.”

Tag list: @extreme-supernatural-lover, @danielisnotonbranding @thefallenbibliophilequote @ilvermornylibrary 

(If somebody wants to be added to my forever/ marvel/descendants/harry potter tag list or wants to be removed, just message me ♥) 

[svenjafangirlt]

Prom Queen (Pt.4)

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Jones! Reader

Warnings: Alcohol (underage drinking)

Words: 1.893

5 Minutes later you arrived at the warehouse. You could already hear the music and some People. “Before we go in we need to set some Rules.” You never heard Sweet Pea so serious, it was intimidating and the look he gave you wasn’t helping. “Rules? You do know that this isn’t my first Party?” you asked looking around, trying to avoid eye contact with him. “Y/N this is a serpent Party, things are different here. So Rule 1: If someone offers you drugs you say no and if he still doesn’t leave you alone after you declined his offer, punch him! Rule 2: Do NOT make out with some Serpent, don’t make out with someone in general! You are FPs daughter, hell would rise if I would have to punch someone because you made out with him and if someone touches you without your permission, you punch him!” Sweet Pea declared “And please don’t drink too much, I don’t want to bring you home and have Jughead lecture me about protecting you.” He added. “First of all, your second rule is bullshit. I understand that you’re Jealous, I would be too if I was you, but making up some stupid rule that doesn’t even make sense is not helping you. And second, I’m definitely not going home tonight.” After finishing your little speak you grabbed Toni and went inside with her. After getting your first drinks Toni was the first to break the silence “You know that you’re the only one that can talk to him like that.” You raised your eyebrow showing that you had no clue what she was talking about. “Sweet Pea. He never lets people talk to him like that, usually nobody talks back to him or even questions what he says or does.” “Why is he different with me?” “I don’t know Y/N. At first I thought it was because you’re a Jones but he treats Jughead like everybody else so that can’t be it. But he probably has some plausible explanation for his behavior towards you.” An hour later you already felt slightly tipsy, not that it was stopping you from drinking more. You spent the last hour talking with Toni and a few other Serpents while emptying one bottle of whatever it was after the other. You couldn’t stop thinking about what Toni told you so you decided to ask Sweet Pea about it, which was way harder than you thought. You walked around looking everywhere for him when you finally spotted Fangs. “Hey Fangs, do you know where Sweets is?” The nickname slipped from your tongue like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Uhm, I’m not sure. He said he was going out for a smoke but never came back. He’s probably still outside.” He told you giving you a small smile. You thanked him and went outside to search for him and you found him, pretty fast. He was making out with some random girl. She was sat on top of his bike while he was standing between her legs. You were angry, not because of jealousy, because he broke the rule he made for you. You turned around and went inside again, grabbing another drinking before walking towards Toni and Fangs. “Who does he think he is?! Making out with someone while telling me that I can’t? Fucking hypocrite.” Toni let out a chuckle at your sudden outburst “Let me guess, Sweet Pea?” you nodded while drinking “Are you Jealous Y/N?” Fangs asked you while holding back a grin, nearly spitting out your drink you stared at him. “No, I am not jealous! It’s just unfair!” you took another sip of your drink. “Why is he allowed to have fun and I have to remain the eternal Virgin?” Now it was fangs time to spit out his drink while Toni was choking on hers. “You’re a Virgin?” They asked in unison. I have to say, being drunk and angry wasn’t the best mix and that definitely didn’t stop you from spilling your Secrets. “I know he’s fucking Handsome and he probably could have any girl but I’m attractive too, so why don’t I get some boys? Or is it because I’m Ugly? I always thought I wasn’t but that’s maybe just what I thought” You asked your Friends, now sounding more sad than angry. “Y/N you are even more than attractive, the most boys simply don’t deserve you.“ Toni tried cheering you up. “I want to Dance.” You said looking at your Friends, mentally making a note to never drink again. You hated being drunk, you got so emotional, talked nonstop about everything and everyone and had the most random wishes. But at the same time you loved it, telling people stuff you always wanted to tell them, doing whatever you want , just letting your feelings flow and if it got to embarrassing you would blame it on the Alcohol. “I don’t dance.” Fangs simply stated, which didn’t stop you from dragging him and Toni towards the group of dancing teenagers. 20 minutes later you had completely forgotten about sweet pea, and another 20 minutes later you had danced with everyone in the room who was willing to dance with you. You laughed and had your fun, the people being way nicer than your old friends. At the moment you were dancing with Toni, until you felt the famous feeling of Alcohol making its way up again. You quickly stopped your dancing with Toni and sprinted towards the Bathroom, Toni following closely behind. Once you both reached your destination she held up your hair with one hand while texting fangs and Sweet Pea that you had to leave and that you guys would meet at the bikes. Toni had her arm around you, nearly caring you towards the two boys. “What happened?” Sweet Pea asked with concern laced in his voice. “She got drunk Sherlock.” Toni spoke out the obvious. “When?” You were drunk but Sweet Pea asking these questions was a Pain in the ass, that boy was Hot but definitely not the smartest. “You are an asshole Sweets.” You looked at him while spilling your guts “An attractive dumb asshole. God can’t you be ugly and an asshole? Why do you make this so hard?” You asked him while walking up to him. The three serpents were positive you are going to slap him. Instead you hugged him, wrapping your small arms around him while nearly drowning in his huge frame. While the two boys were confused and shocked Toni already pointed out your next Problem. “She can’t drive on your bike, she will fall off at some point.” They all thought about it, discussing different Ideas. You were still hugging Sweet Pea, not participating in the conversation. “Toni, you will take my bike, you two drive to my trailer and I will carry her and be there in like 5 Minutes.” Without another word the two Serpents sped off. Sweet Pea took you bridal style and carried you. You had your eyes closed and you two were walking in silence, comfortable silence. Fangs and Toni were already waiting, leaned against the bikes when you arrived. Sweet Pea gave Fangs his keys and they entered the Trailer. Sweet Pea slowly dropped you on the couch. “Thanks, you are still an Asshole” You opened your eyes looking at him. “I get it but could you tell me why? I didn’t do anything wrong Y/N” He was confused and hurt but he didn’t let that show. “You kissed someone! You had your fun while I wasn’t allowed to had fun. I want to have fun too! I don’t wanna be the eternal Virgin. I wanna be loved!” He started laughing, the other two joined him. “You’re a Virgin?” You Punched him, having enough. “Stop laughing! I’m serious!” You felt like throwing up and you did. Rushing to the next best thing you found, the trash can. Toni held your hair up again. “I’m never letting you drink again Sweetheart.” She stated and you nodded. You went to the bathroom to clean yourself up. “Sweets can you give me a Shirt?” Your Voice was quiet and you looked at him with pleading eyes. “Sure.” He gave you one of his shirts and you started to get undressed when Toni turned herself and the boys around. The shirt fit you like a dress, it was comfy and you couldn’t figure out what that smell was but it smelled good. You were trying to form a sentence but nothing came out as the waves of alcohol and tiredness took over you. Fangs and Toni said their Goodbyes and left the two of you alone. “I’m tired.” You mumbled and Sweet Pea carried you to his bedroom, laying you down on the bed and making sure you were okay before he left to sleep on the couch. You woke up with the sun already shining through the window. You searched for your phone just to see that it was 1pm and you had like a thousand missed calls and text from your brother and his friend. You made your way into the kitchen seeing Sweet Pea, Toni and Fangs already sitting there. “Morning sleepyhead” Toni greeted you with a hug, Sweet Pea looked at you and you could see the hurt in his eyes. You felt bad for everything that happened yesterday and you needed to apologies. “Guys, I need to apologies. Yesterday wasn’t the best day and Archie gave me the rest so I got drunk and I just get so emotional when I’m drunk. I’m really sorry for yelling at you and for punching you Sweet Pea.” I looked at my hands not wanting to see their Reaction. Suddenly they all started laughing “It’s okay Y/N, we all get drunk and let out our anger. You don’t have to apologies, we’re a Family and which Family is perfect without screaming and throwing Fists?” Sweet Pea hugged me and in that moment everything seemed perfect. “But now you need to get dressed, your brother is waiting.” Wow, thanks for killing the moment Toni. I took my clothes and got dressed, tried to fix my hair and my face before walking back to the others. “Bye guys, will see you on Monday.” You quickly got out the Trailer and walked towards Tonis bike. She dropped you off at home and hugged you “He isn’t angry, believe me, he was just worried about you” and with that she left you alone. You stood in front of the door taking a deep breath before opening it. As soon as the door was opened Jughead came walking towards you. “Thank God you’re safe. I was so worried, please don’t ever do this again. I get that you’re angry but please, I was so worried Y/N.” he whispered while hugging you tightly. You two talked until it was afternoon, you told him everything that happened he wasn’t too happy about it but when you mentioned that you punched sweet pea he couldn’t hold back his laughter. He tried to stay serious but the thought of his little sister punching the walking doorframe, as he called him because he was literally as huge as a doorframe, finally broke him. Everything was okay again, not perfect but okay.

[shadowsmystic-blog]

Blue Bolt and the Birth of the Warlock Chapter 2: In the Palm of his Hands?

(Also Available to read on Ao3)

Blue Bolt and the Birth of The Warlock

Superhero AU

Shadowhunters

Relationships~ Malec ~others to be added

 The city of Idris is corrupted by gangs and power hungry tyrants.

After ten years of absence Alec Lightwood has returned to fulfil his destiny.

By day he's stinking rich and running the family business. Trying to juggle competitors and a meddling Journalist.

By night he's The Blue Bolt. A crime fighter armed with ancient gifts and the heart of a warrior.

This will be a multi-chapter, multi-part series!

Heros/Villains both positively psychotic and downright ridiculous!

(Loosely based on existing Superhero characters with plenty of references!)

Alec stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his blue bandanna across his face, dusting off the creases in his top.

“The more I look at you...the more you look like Sub Zero” Sebastian smirked from where he was leaning on the doorway to the bedroom. In his hand he held a blue and black baton. “It’s good as new...just a little grubby” He held it out as Alec adjusted his gloves, he took the baton and slipped it into his thigh holster. “Be careful out there sir”

“Don’t worry yourself about me...worry about how soon we can get the attic sorted…then we’ll flip this so we have the advantage” He patted his friend’s shoulder and left the room, moving gracefully down the stairs and pulling a black hood up over his head to cover his hair.  The attic was set to be a base of operations of sort.

---

“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick!”

Magnus dropped his rucksack onto the floor as he shut the door behind him, his head was still spinning.

“Magnus Bane are you drunk?!” The woman was practically half the size of him but this didn’t stop her as she man handled his shoulders to bring her to his level, using her thumbs to push his eyelids up and having a look at his bloodshot and glassy eyes.

“Mum please”

“Don’t Mum please me young man” She gave him a little smack on the back of the head, causing him to groan. “To bed! I’m cancelling the WiFi for the rest of the week”

“I need that to work!”

“You should’ve thought of that before you decided to just rock in at 4 in the morning, didn’t respond to my calls or messages...before you made me fear for my son’s safety” Her voice cracked as she pulled him into her arms sobbing, he sighed and stroked his hand through her hair.

“Mum...I’m alright...I can look after myself…”

“I know...I just...with your work…”

“Shh...shhh...come on...you go back to bed...I promise I’ll stay in tonight...we can watch the Golden Girl reruns together you recorded?” He smiled as she nodded and wiped her eyes on a handkerchief. Waiting until she was gone from the room he grabbed his bag again taking deep breaths and getting into the bathroom.

What the hell happened?! Grabbing his broken glasses he threw them to the side dragging water from the tap to splash over his face. Taking paracetamol from the cabinet and knocking two back he looked over his face in the mirror. He didn’t look any different. Eyes bloodshot, holding the back of his head he felt the blood from where he’d bumped his head at dried. He switched on the shower and started to strip down, stepping up and under the spray he carefully began to scrub the dirt and chemical marks from his skin. Checking across to the mirror above the sink he looked over his thin frame and checked for anything left.

Later on when he was lying in bed, he thought back to the night. He remembered being pushed over the railing but after that he woke up by the docks, covered in dirt and feeling like he’d been on a heavy drinking binge. What was in those vats. Against his better judgement he knew he’d have to go back there. Just not yet, he was still terrified from the clear attempt on his life. He’d have to lay low for a while.

---

It was looking to be a promising night, like always, Alec already stopped a couple of muggings. It was only when he heard a scream off on the lower side of the city he stood up where he was perched on a rooftop, starting to head towards the sound he passed across balconies and gutterings without a single footstep to be heard. Incredibly light on his feet when he needed to be. Reaching the definite source moments later he looked down to see four men surrounding a young girl. It was raining by this point and she looked scared half to death. Hardly surprising.

The girl had her handbag swinging it trying to keep them back, a pepper spray in the other. The men were just getting closer, assessing the best course of action Alec checked his weapons. There was no need for them, the men were unarmed and on close inspection nothing more than a couple of thugs with dark intentions.

Jumping down he landed on the shoulders of the one at the back, his skins pushing him down to the ground with a thud, his body had crumpled under the force and knocked him unconscious. The other three had turned round at the commotion and began shouting abuse, running over.

One kick, two punches and finally a palm to the chest of a man now on the ground. Three men now writhing in pain and discomfort while the fourth was still sleeping like a baby.

“T-Thank you” Alec took a deep breath and centered himself once more, turning to the woman who was now stood looking at the men on the floor, she was soaked to the skin. “What did you do?” She was clearly trying to comprehend the speed in which Alec had carried out the attacks.

He looked around. He’d kicked baldy in the gut...punched the guy with no teeth’s arm from it’s socket...then punched that guy trying to crawl away in the family jewels...then proceeded to push baldy back down when he tried to foolishly come at him again with a pocket knife.

Alec shook his head and didn’t realise the woman was now directly next to him. Stepping back he looked down to her, she was small, her hair was auburn but could easily be a bright orange when dry.

“Where do you live?” He asked as she was holding herself.

“Just a couple of blocks away”

Alec nodded.

“Head home..I’ll keep an eye on you from up top” With that he headed to the wall and scaled up it, gripping onto loose bricks and edges of window frames. The girl watched him go and grinned, heading home as quick as she could feeling a warming sense of safety. Approaching her apartment building she stopped to look up. The mystery masked man was perched on the top of the porch.

“Can I kiss the man who saved my life?” She grinned up fluttering her eyelashes. Alec felt himself nearly slip from where he was.

“No...you can’t” He said bluntly before disappearing into the night, the girl laughed and looked around before running into her home.

When Alec returned home drenched he threw off all the heavy damp cloths, dropping down in just his boxers by the already lit fire. Sebastian was a good guy. Alec would give him a day off in return for his loyalty but he knew he wouldn’t last a day without his assistance.

The past few weeks had been much like tonight. Heading out into the city stopping petty crimes and causing a general nuisance for the gangs who currently ‘ruled’ the city. Alec was waiting for the right break, the right person to interrogate. He was trying to be careful and weigh up each gang and see which parts of the underground they ran. Attacking them head on was going to be a mistake. They called themselves the Downworlders from what he could already tell, branching off into smaller gangs that were involved in arms dealing, drugs, blackmail, fraud and hired muscle. Each group were always trying to best the other, at each other’s throats.

---

Magnus woke up around 5 hours later, his mind clear he felt much better already. His body felt energized. He didn’t remember even falling asleep. Getting up and going into the bathroom he looked at his face, turning it side to side and frowning. His acne had cleared up entirely and his skin looked a lot smoother. Whatever was in those vats they were definitely good for your complexion.

As he went to turn on the shower he knocked the side of his shoulder on the glass door, stepping back for a moment and looking down at his arms before giving it a feel. Had his shoulder swollen? It wouldn’t be surprising given the beating he’d gone through last night.

Lifting his shirt off carefully in case he had any damage he choked a gasp and stumbled back. His thin, lanky frame was now broad, muscular and looked like he’d been working out his entire life.

Just as he was pushing his trousers down he had a minor freak out and something popped on his hand causing a static shock, holding his hand up with a high pitched shriek there was a sudden burst of ‘glitter’? From the centre of his palm, gasping and closing his hand again watching it as it slowly fluttered down.

“Wh-wha…” Hearing the banging on the bathroom door from his Mother snapped his out of his moment and he checked his palm again, nothing happening. The evidence that it was real was all over the counter, down the mirror and on the tiled floor. Gather it all up as quick as he could and pushing it down the sink he washed his hands as best he could, trying to see a hole where it might’ve shot from but found nothing.

Magnus needed some normality. He had a shower, ignored his reflection and the way his ass was now breathtaking, if he did say so himself. He grabbed his work and kissed his Mum goodbye, the office would help everything turn back to his ‘boring’ life before he pushed his nose a little too far into the cookie jar.

---

“There’s far too many rundown and derelict buildings on the East side of the city…” Alec was sat in his board room surrounded by the ten directors, Hodge to his right where he belonged.

“Mr Lightwood with all due respect...we don’t have the resources to worry about the East Side” One of the older members of the board spoke up.

“Maybe not...but we can generate those resources by halting the work being carried out on the casino and put the money to where it really matters”

A couple of murmurs of indecision, something that was very popular right now with stuck up businessmen.

“Alec” Hodge put his hand on his wrist looking to him before back to the board. “Gentleman please...there could be good from this...the Casino will be finished in time...If Mr Lightwood believes the East Side needs assistance then the least we can do is take a look into it”

“Thanks” Alec mumbled to his friend and took a deep breath as the murmurs stopped.

“All I’m saying is that it would provide housing for the already bursting aid centres...maybe even give opportunity for new businesses to open” Alec put his hands together, twiddling his thumbs. He didn’t do all this snobbish meeting malarky. But he knew what he wanted. He wanted to take control of the East Side from the drug addicts who littered the abandoned buildings. Get the men help and put a dent in the dealings.

“Very well...We’ll speak with finance and see what can be spared and work on a brief of what you might want to do there...We’re eager to hear your propositions” Will Herondale, one of the younger board members was one of Hodge’s apprentices. Alec admitted the man’s business sense in having allies everywhere was beyond smart.

When the morning meeting adjourned Alec sat eating lunch with Hodge who was stroking his beard and looking across the city.

“I admire your ambition Alec...your father would’ve been proud” He smiled round as Alec shrugged. “But the East Side is the main business grounds for the Downworld...to interrupt that would cause a rift in the peace we’ve established with them.

Alec Scoffed.

“I’m sorry but I don’t want peace with them...I don’t want them breathing down our necks without even being here...they need to stop or they need to leave”

“Be careful Alec...I’d hate for those words to be heard by the wrong ears” He frowned and rubbed his temple, sipping his coffee. Alec shook his head and put his feet up on his desk.

“When I was staying with the Penhallows I learnt there was no such thing as the wrong ears...everyone needs to say what they feel...speak their minds...if there can be solutions without violence and destruction then we need to pursue them...there’s no use rolling over and surrendering to moraless criminals...that’s not how I want my parent’s legacy to continue...we need to step up and do something”

Hodge took a moment to listen and then smiled.

“I couldn’t agree more...You’ve come back to us wise beyond your years...Europe did you good... I imagine that having high a moral standing isn’t all you learnt in your time out there..I imagine there’s many more skills you’ve developed” He raised his brow and sat on the chair in front of Alec’s desk, continuing to eat.

“More than you could ever imagine…” Alec smirked.

[danielleslie1]

[LTR] Not trying to get her back, just need to get it off my chest.

I used to post here. I used to have good game, be a player, sleep around. Reached the point where I felt like I could get anybody I wanted, which was great (that’s the point where I switched to that pseudo; had a lot more posts to the previous one, which some people here might remember; doesn’t matter much anyway). But it also left me feeling like I could never be satisfied. Like a long-term relationship would be impossible for me, I would get bored fast, and I would spend my life just doing hookups. Hence that profile picture. Than I met that girl. She was just supposed to be a one-night stand, but the connection was real, intense. Suddenly no interest in other girls, at all. Just the idea of kissing another girl feels gross, like kissing a dude. Didn’t think it was possible, unless I experienced it myself. Fast-forward to 2 years and a half later. We moved to her native country (Japan). We’re engaged. We’re texting all day long. We lived together for a bit, until she started that new job: 4 months in-house training, living inside the company. Suddenly, no time to chat, no time to meet (they have curfew (Japanese companies are effed up)). She’s two months and a half in, and last night she said she wasn’t sure. She doesn’t want to live together anymore. She doesn’t want to get married anymore. She wants to take a break, and focus on her job for now. This… hurts. I guess I kinda saw it coming, but I didn’t think she would go all the way. I told her I was worried her job would change her and she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because when we met I was a player (I mean, I stole her from one of my roommates, and then slept with her two best friends while we were on a one day break; as I said, I was f*d up, and that was the only way I had of helping my poor self-esteem), and now that I was becoming a settled down good guy she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because all of my previous LTRs ended up after 2 years and a half with girls losing interest, and her job was coming at a terrible time. I figured talking about it would prevent it, guess it didn’t work (quite the opposite). On the other hand I wasn’t going to cheat on her just to keep her interested, or prevent her from taking the job, so not sure what I could have done. I started acting angry and whiny, until I remember my PUA training: baaarely saved the situation and managed to take control, said it was ok, said a break was probably good for both of us. I set down some rules (no hooking up with other people (both of us), and we meet at least once before she leaves for her final work place (every previous issue has been settled as soon as we saw each other eye to eye, so it will be the final test). Warned her that it was awkward but a package was on its way already to her place (sent her her favorite chocolate a couple days ago as a surprise, to show some support for her work) and she could keep it, have a good night, turned off my phone and went to “sleep” (aka “6 hours of turning in bed wondering wtf I’m going to do with my life”). My Plan moving forward Soooo I’m going full NC now I guess. This is weird considering it’s the person I’ve been exchanging texts with every 10mn for the last two years and a half, and it’s honestly painful. But luckily I have very good discipline and willpower - something that saved me soooo many times back in the day, and allowed me to get lays waaay better than I deserved, by keeping a strong as steel frame at all times. Like taking brutal shit tests from HB10s without flinching, or pushing that HB10 even though your whole body is screaming to pull. That small PUA voice at the back of my head, who keeps emotions in check, and whispers “it’s ok man, believe in the game, believe in your experience; you want to do something else, but you know what you should do.” She already texted me actually, asking what’s in the box (;)) but again, keeping my frame, not answering until tonight, and then just short sentences and no feelings or whining or whatever. I read again some posts here, that also helped a lot. In the last 4-5 years, this community and this site helped me a lot, and I’m really grateful about that. And to be honest, I’m considering it over. I know it’s only a break, and I know her, it’s not a lame-ass excuse to go see what’s out there. I know she’s working and studying every waking hour, and I know she really wants to focus on that. On the other hand, I don’t believe in breaks. It’s just a slow break-up. So I’m not hoping on getting her back (I mean, there is a tiny sliver of hope, but I’m trying not to listen to it). If I do, cool, but I’m already preparing for the break-up and for single life. Already packed all her stuff and hid it (to help with going NC), already accepted several party invitations I would have been too lazy to go to otherwise. I’m not planning on hooking up any time soon (I’m too rusty, and honestly sleeping with someone who’s not her would probably be more depressing than anything else), hence the “no hooking up” rule. Instead, I’m taking this “break” as “2-4 weeks of training to go back into single life”. What I’m looking forward to

Getting a life back. If I’m honest, my life recently was almost only about us, and was kinda boring. Now that it’s gone, I’ll have to find again who I am.

I finally have a settled fulltime job, a good apartment, a long term visa, I make good money, and I had a stable relationship. After years of fighting every day, it felt honestly boring. At least now I get something to fix

I honestly love the game. I spent the last two years missing it - not sleeping with other girls, just the whole banter, the texting, the shit tests, the dates. The hunt, basically. Now I can enjoy it a bit more

Girls in Japan are seriously HOT. So many hot girls everywhere

Honestly, it was a great relationship. I was in love, something that I would have thought impossible a couple years ago. No matter what happens in the future, I can always be satisfied that I’ve been lucky enough to feel this in my life

It’s not the first time it happens, and every time it did, it went the same way: I worked hard to improve myself to get the girl back. Became a better value person. Met someone new who was twice better than the ex. Felt a bit embarrassed for the ex when she tried to come back. So now that this girl was literally perfect (funny, smart, independant, super cute AND great body, loved sex more than me, same values), I’m kinda curious who will be next. If she’s twice as good too… damn.

What I’m NOT looking forward to

Other people. I can get over the breakup, but the idea of having to tell my family, my friends, my roommates, coworkers, that my fiancée left is just crushing. And then having to introduce a future new one to everybody (especially the family) is fucked up.

It was a very intense and fusional relationship, with a lot of sex. So I’m worried about how long it will take to hug/kiss/sex another girl without having flashbacks of her

It took 10 years of sleeping around to find a girl as good as her. Not looking forward to 10 more years. I’m just tired of that shit.

On that note, I’m already 32yo. Considering the time to find a new relationships, go through a couple relationships that don’t work, then start to settle, get engaged, married, etc., I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever manage to have kids some day. That’s honestly the most depressive point, since it my one last objective in life.

Proposing again. I did the perfect proposal. Got the perfect ring, the perfect place, made the perfect plan, the perfect surprise. It was exactly like I wanted it to be, was wonderful. Now, if I have to propose again, either I do the same thing again, which would feel terrible, or I have to do something subpar, which isn’t much better. Going back to the jewelry shop again and asking for “another engagement ring please!” is as sad as it is funny.

No offense, but most Japanese girls are dumb as posts. They’ve been taught since childhood that being smart was bad, that going to a good university meant you couldn’t get married, etc. A lot of Japanese guys also shun girls who are too well educated or too smart, which doesn’t help. As a result, finding a cute girl is easy, but a cute girl who can have a conversation… really tough.

Also, meeting new people in Japan is incredibly difficult, as there are a lot of social barriers. And since like in most countries people hang out mostly with their network from their university years (something I don’t have here), it’s going to be tough. Not impossible, but tough.

Anyway, not sure why I posted here. I really needed to get it off my chest, and people here have always been supportive, which I needed right now. Also it helps a lot preventing those human but beta urges such as passive-agressive posting on Facebook, drunk texting her, and whining to our mutual friends. If anybody took the time to read all this, thanks a lot, and have a great day m(_ _)m

from PUA Forum http://www.puaforums.com/how-get-your-ex-back/31981-ltr-not-trying-get-her-back-just-need-get-off-my-chest.html from PUA Forum https://puaforumscom.tumblr.com/post/161879106968

[puaforumscom]

[LTR] Not trying to get her back, just need to get it off my chest.

I used to post here. I used to have good game, be a player, sleep around. Reached the point where I felt like I could get anybody I wanted, which was great (that's the point where I switched to that pseudo; had a lot more posts to the previous one, which some people here might remember; doesn't matter much anyway). But it also left me feeling like I could never be satisfied. Like a long-term relationship would be impossible for me, I would get bored fast, and I would spend my life just doing hookups. Hence that profile picture. Than I met that girl. She was just supposed to be a one-night stand, but the connection was real, intense. Suddenly no interest in other girls, at all. Just the idea of kissing another girl feels gross, like kissing a dude. Didn't think it was possible, unless I experienced it myself. Fast-forward to 2 years and a half later. We moved to her native country (Japan). We're engaged. We're texting all day long. We lived together for a bit, until she started that new job: 4 months in-house training, living inside the company. Suddenly, no time to chat, no time to meet (they have curfew (Japanese companies are effed up)). She's two months and a half in, and last night she said she wasn't sure. She doesn't want to live together anymore. She doesn't want to get married anymore. She wants to take a break, and focus on her job for now. This... hurts. I guess I kinda saw it coming, but I didn't think she would go all the way. I told her I was worried her job would change her and she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because when we met I was a player (I mean, I stole her from one of my roommates, and then slept with her two best friends while we were on a one day break; as I said, I was f*d up, and that was the only way I had of helping my poor self-esteem), and now that I was becoming a settled down good guy she would lose interest. I told her I was worried because all of my previous LTRs ended up after 2 years and a half with girls losing interest, and her job was coming at a terrible time. I figured talking about it would prevent it, guess it didn't work (quite the opposite). On the other hand I wasn't going to cheat on her just to keep her interested, or prevent her from taking the job, so not sure what I could have done. I started acting angry and whiny, until I remember my PUA training: baaarely saved the situation and managed to take control, said it was ok, said a break was probably good for both of us. I set down some rules (no hooking up with other people (both of us), and we meet at least once before she leaves for her final work place (every previous issue has been settled as soon as we saw each other eye to eye, so it will be the final test). Warned her that it was awkward but a package was on its way already to her place (sent her her favorite chocolate a couple days ago as a surprise, to show some support for her work) and she could keep it, have a good night, turned off my phone and went to "sleep" (aka "6 hours of turning in bed wondering wtf I'm going to do with my life"). My Plan moving forward Soooo I'm going full NC now I guess. This is weird considering it's the person I've been exchanging texts with every 10mn for the last two years and a half, and it's honestly painful. But luckily I have very good discipline and willpower - something that saved me soooo many times back in the day, and allowed me to get lays waaay better than I deserved, by keeping a strong as steel frame at all times. Like taking brutal shit tests from HB10s without flinching, or pushing that HB10 even though your whole body is screaming to pull. That small PUA voice at the back of my head, who keeps emotions in check, and whispers "it's ok man, believe in the game, believe in your experience; you want to do something else, but you know what you should do." She already texted me actually, asking what's in the box (;)) but again, keeping my frame, not answering until tonight, and then just short sentences and no feelings or whining or whatever. I read again some posts here, that also helped a lot. In the last 4-5 years, this community and this site helped me a lot, and I'm really grateful about that. And to be honest, I'm considering it over. I know it's only a break, and I know her, it's not a lame-ass excuse to go see what's out there. I know she's working and studying every waking hour, and I know she really wants to focus on that. On the other hand, I don't believe in breaks. It's just a slow break-up. So I'm not hoping on getting her back (I mean, there is a tiny sliver of hope, but I'm trying not to listen to it). If I do, cool, but I'm already preparing for the break-up and for single life. Already packed all her stuff and hid it (to help with going NC), already accepted several party invitations I would have been too lazy to go to otherwise. I'm not planning on hooking up any time soon (I'm too rusty, and honestly sleeping with someone who's not her would probably be more depressing than anything else), hence the "no hooking up" rule. Instead, I'm taking this "break" as "2-4 weeks of training to go back into single life". What I'm looking forward to

Getting a life back. If I'm honest, my life recently was almost only about us, and was kinda boring. Now that it's gone, I'll have to find again who I am.

I finally have a settled fulltime job, a good apartment, a long term visa, I make good money, and I had a stable relationship. After years of fighting every day, it felt honestly boring. At least now I get something to fix

I honestly love the game. I spent the last two years missing it - not sleeping with other girls, just the whole banter, the texting, the shit tests, the dates. The hunt, basically. Now I can enjoy it a bit more

Girls in Japan are seriously HOT. So many hot girls everywhere

Honestly, it was a great relationship. I was in love, something that I would have thought impossible a couple years ago. No matter what happens in the future, I can always be satisfied that I've been lucky enough to feel this in my life

It's not the first time it happens, and every time it did, it went the same way: I worked hard to improve myself to get the girl back. Became a better value person. Met someone new who was twice better than the ex. Felt a bit embarrassed for the ex when she tried to come back. So now that this girl was literally perfect (funny, smart, independant, super cute AND great body, loved sex more than me, same values), I'm kinda curious who will be next. If she's twice as good too... damn.

What I'm NOT looking forward to

Other people. I can get over the breakup, but the idea of having to tell my family, my friends, my roommates, coworkers, that my fiancée left is just crushing. And then having to introduce a future new one to everybody (especially the family) is fucked up.

It was a very intense and fusional relationship, with a lot of sex. So I'm worried about how long it will take to hug/kiss/sex another girl without having flashbacks of her

It took 10 years of sleeping around to find a girl as good as her. Not looking forward to 10 more years. I'm just tired of that shit.

On that note, I'm already 32yo. Considering the time to find a new relationships, go through a couple relationships that don't work, then start to settle, get engaged, married, etc., I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever manage to have kids some day. That's honestly the most depressive point, since it my one last objective in life.

Proposing again. I did the perfect proposal. Got the perfect ring, the perfect place, made the perfect plan, the perfect surprise. It was exactly like I wanted it to be, was wonderful. Now, if I have to propose again, either I do the same thing again, which would feel terrible, or I have to do something subpar, which isn't much better. Going back to the jewelry shop again and asking for "another engagement ring please!" is as sad as it is funny.

No offense, but most Japanese girls are dumb as posts. They've been taught since childhood that being smart was bad, that going to a good university meant you couldn't get married, etc. A lot of Japanese guys also shun girls who are too well educated or too smart, which doesn't help. As a result, finding a cute girl is easy, but a cute girl who can have a conversation... really tough.

Also, meeting new people in Japan is incredibly difficult, as there are a lot of social barriers. And since like in most countries people hang out mostly with their network from their university years (something I don't have here), it's going to be tough. Not impossible, but tough.

Anyway, not sure why I posted here. I really needed to get it off my chest, and people here have always been supportive, which I needed right now. Also it helps a lot preventing those human but beta urges such as passive-agressive posting on Facebook, drunk texting her, and whining to our mutual friends. If anybody took the time to read all this, thanks a lot, and have a great day m(_ _)m

from PUA Forum http://www.puaforums.com/how-get-your-ex-back/31981-ltr-not-trying-get-her-back-just-need-get-off-my-chest.html