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hansensgirl · 3 years ago

Text

put me in a movie.

summary. | He knows you can’t make it on your own, so he’ll put you in his movie.

warnings. | Dubcon (reader doesn’t know what he’s doing but consents to it), smut, drinking, age gap (reader is legal), virginity loss, choking, spanking, dirty talk, degradation, corruption kink, innocence kink, cream pie kink, penetration, teasing, praise, filming, voyeurism, porn (the industry), fluff, yearning, Daddy kink, humiliation, overstimulation, dumbification kink, and more. SMUT, 18+ MINORS DNI.

word count. | 6.5k.

pairing. | Grey!Pornstar!Helmut Zemo x Innocent!Reader.

a/n. | please enjoy and don’t forget to reblog! if you take ANY inspiration from my fics (and i’ll know, trust me) and you don’t give credit, you will be blocked and i’ll let others know. inspired by wet, written by the talented @thewritingdoll! do not translate or repost my fics at all.

You don’t like the heat, but you love the summer. The way the days are seldom cold and cloudy, with that occasional breeze that your skin gracefully soaks up in the same way your beach towel soaks up the water on your bathing suit. Popsicles of different flavours dripping down your skin and onto the hot sidewalk. The sticky residue makes you cringe, and you’d use the damp side of your towel to wipe it away. It would work for a few seconds, maybe even a minute or two, before the feeling returns.

You hate the heat, but you love to see him. Those swim trunks of his sticking to his wet skin. They’re a blue colour that seems easy to describe at first glance, but you’ll soon realize just how many shades of navy blue there are, and suddenly you don't even know what colour they are. Maybe it’s the colour of the jeans the cameramen wear, or perhaps it’s the colour of the night sky at around six in the evening during the summertime.

They lug heavy equipment, and you just wonder if they’re filming a movie. If your friends and family members got word, they’d probably lose their minds before begging you to get them a part. Vying for fame runs through the family tree branches, and even you would want a small part in it as well. You give them empty promises, forgetting their words after a few minutes until the following text message or phone call.

You don’t spend much time at the beach anymore. Heck, you haven’t been there since June. Your friends have left with their boyfriends and girlfriends on a trip to Bali, and all you have are your family members to keep you company. Your white fence, magazine and lawn chair are all you know of now. You spend your days outdoors, knowing each one will be filled with the same things. The sunlight, bees buzzing, and seagulls having unwarranted ferociousness.

Your parents spend their days at work, and you stay home to hold your small fort down. You don’t water the grass or touch the garden because your father does it better than anyone. You don’t touch the paint meant for the walls or the furniture boxes that are strewn across the floors because your mother knows where to put them and how to paint. You just relax, and you don’t mind it at all.

That was until you saw him.

Curiosity is your closest friend other than the blue raspberry flavoured popsicles that take up more space in your freezer than anything else. So when the empty house next door suddenly filled up with around half a dozen people, you just couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing. So you peer over the fence, standing on the small two-step ladder that your dad stole from his previous job. Women and a few men are laughing, dressed down in both swimsuits and t-shirts. Their bodies are lovely, the pinnacle of beauty that you sometimes envy. Other times, you’d feel as though you’re the prettiest girl in the world, and that’s not far from the truth. They’ve got different brands of alcohol in their hands, White Claw cans littered on the ground, and you cringe at the mess.

They must be mentally younger than you’ll ever be again because no person older than you can act like this. Heavy, black cameras are resting nearby briefcases, and you hope to god that nothing illegal is going on. The last thing you need is the police questioning you at 1 in the morning. Some of the men ogle at the younger ladies, and they bask in the attention. You watch as their eyes rake up and down their shiny, sweaty bodies.

“Oh, please, the least you all can do is wait for me before you start the party,” a man snickers, stepping out of the house. You look over to him, and your breath is taken away. Water drips down his face, cascading down to his neck and onto his slightly hairy chest—a navy bluish-purple robe and those blue swim shorts that peek through underneath the cloth. The colour of the fabric goes oh so well with the blue of his eyes. They all laugh until they’re sighing and already cracking open another bottle of beer.

You admire him from afar, and you can’t help but be mesmerized by the way he moves: such grace, such elusiveness. The glass in his hand isn’t cheap beer or tequila; it’s whiskey that looks rich as fuck, and he swigs it back like it’s water. You remember the first time your father and mother brought whiskey home from the local liquor store. Your father didn’t enjoy it, and neither did your mother. It sat in a random cupboard until a year ago when your mother decided to throw it out.

He lets out an exhale as the amber liquid flows down his throat, and you watch in awe as he handles the burn like a champion. God, you can’t even handle beer if you try hard enough. He gently places the glass onto the table, far away from the men’s feet, as he knows that they can be quite clumsy. There must be a proper name for all feelings; you believe. Like that feeling when it dawns on you that you’ll never experience something like this ever again.

Or maybe the feeling that Helmut has right now. Not the excitement of finishing this film, and not the tiredness that is a result of working too hard. No, the feeling that he knows you’re watching him from over the fence. He sans his hand towards you, and you quickly duck down, letting out a whimper. You nearly fall from the small ladder, but it wouldn’t be so graceful if it did happen. “What’s wrong, Baron?” one of his co-stars teasingly asks.

“Nothing... Must’ve been the whiskey…”

You don’t hate the summer; you just don’t like the boredom. Even relaxation is something you can tire of, believe it or not. You’ve got nothing to do. Your friends are still out of town, and your parents are at work. You’ve cleaned the house not once, not twice, but three times. Your closet is as clean as it’ll ever be, and the pantry is now organized by most used to least used. The plants have been properly watered, even though it wasn’t necessary since the forecast said there’d be light rain.

You love the rain, especially during the summertime. The sky makes the surrounding world have an almost orange tone to it. The after smell––an earthy, oceanic scent that is so unique––is something you’ll forever look forward to. You’re excited for the day it’ll rain, but even meteorologists tend to be wrong, and Mother Nature has a thing for keeping her children on their toes. It’s one of the many reasons why you love her. So with your little red dress on, you spin around in the backyard.

You’re sensible. You know what creepy crawlers lie underneath the dirt, between the fluffy grass. So instead of being barefoot (just like in those Sofia Loren movies) and playing around, you grab that little latter once again. You’ve scrubbed the grooves and cleaned them of their plant stains––sloppily, of course. Your oversized slippers belong to your dad, and they struggle to stay on your feet, but it doesn’t matter.

You’re not going to be moving around much, anyway. You move the latter closer to where you last saw the group of men and women. You truly hope you don’t get caught and get into any trouble; the last thing you want is your parents scolding you and embarrassing you. You step up on the ladder carefully, grasping onto the wooden fence for support. The surface is hot to the touch, and you really want to let go, but you really shouldn’t. You whisper affirmations along the lines of ‘I won’t fall…’ over and over again, under your breath.

And you hope to God they work.

Admittedly, you also hope he’s wearing those blue swim shorts of his again. The look (and he) resides in your heart, amongst other tubes and canals that have learned to make room for friends, family and passions. But he’s not a friend, he’s not family, and he’s most certainly not a passion. ...He’s something else, that’s for sure. An enigma, really. He reminds you of that feeling––the one that has a name, temptation. Someone tells you not to do something you weren’t going to do in the first place, and now you want to do it.

Except the case is different. You shouldn’t be perving on strangers like this––sneaking up on them, spying on them––all because you just can’t help it. Your mind tells you to stop, but it’s just giving you all the more reason to continue doing it. So, until you nearly get caught one more time, you’ll continue to watch him. Desperate to figure out who he is and what he’s doing.

The cameras are no longer on the ground; a smart decision, given that there’s a pool that takes up more space than anything. The blue water of pools has always fooled you. You grew up believing that it was the true colour of water, not even knowing that it was, in fact, the tiles and not the water. There’s no mess there either, clean and tidy. Maybe professionally done, because the concrete has but not one dark spot or crease where grass grows out of it.

Laid perfectly, you know your mother and father would admire it for a few minutes. You squint your eyes and gaze at the glass sliding door. Inside is him. You let out one of those dreamy, love-filled sighs that only main characters do in romance movies. You watch him as he pours himself a cup of coffee, two spoonfuls of sugar, and a dash of what seems to be almond milk.

You wonder if he likes iced coffees, as they can be so nice during the summertime. He wears those lovely blue swim shorts once again, hair slightly damp (with a pretty curliness to a few strands) and a navy bathrobe. It’s that same outfit as the other time you saw him, and you realize that they’re probably filming a movie. He moves around the counter, putting away certain little ingredients and whatnot.

The most mundane actions ever, ones that even you did just this morning. But god, he just makes it all seem so unique. He cards his fingers through his brown, almost dirty blond hair. There are clumps of strands that stick together, wetness that’ll dry probably as soon as he steps outside. He faces the window, staring out towards the fence that has been freshly painted, and sighs.

His head lulls back, and his neck is exposed. He’s probably both an actor and a model, you think to yourself. His chest hair has grown a bit more, and you can’t find yourself complaining. Tingles run through your body and even down to your pussy. You rub your thighs together, trying to make the feeling go away, while still being careful about holding onto the fence. You hope that he doesn’t know you’re watching him because you’ll never be able to live that down.

And it’s just so unfortunate that Helmut is such a clever man. Heightened senses from when he used to camp a lot when he was younger; he just knows practically everything. He knows you’re watching him, squinting your eyes until they’re nearly shut close. The skin around them wrinkles in the most adorable way, just like the way your nose scrunches up out of instinct. God, he could kiss every crevice of your body, even if you don’t know who he is.

“Hey, Helmut, we have a few re-shoots to do. Do you want to start now?” one of the cameramen asks him, holding a microphone in his hand. “No… I’m tired; we’ll do it all tomorrow,” Helmut says, waving his hand. He’s no longer looking outside and instead at the man who he’s addressing. He nods and walks off before Helmut follows him. Common courtesy is to always escort your guests out, and Helmut was raised with manners. With a hand on the man’s lower back, and a smile on his face, Helmut gently pushes him out the door and locks it.

You watch him as he disappears, seemingly leading someone out of his home, and you think all is fine. That is until that little voice in your mind decides to be obnoxious. The slight possibility that you’ve been caught and he’s mad haunts you, and your breath hitches. Your eyeballs are wide open, as big as the eyes of an owl, and your hands shake a bit out of fear. They dampen up a bit, not enough to the point where you’d be disgusted, but they’re clammy nonetheless.

You make a move to jump off the latter, not caring about the possible risk of falling and scraping your pretty legs. Your hands begin to let go of the fence, but they’re stopped by someone grabbing you by your wrists. You let out a squeal of shock as they hold you tightly from over the barrier, and you’re screwed. “I’m sorry!” you quickly yell, squinting your eyes out of fear. You’re not sure what to expect, whether he would yell at you or threaten to call the cops.

“No, it’s okay. Calm down, I’m not mad. Come back,” Helmut tells you, and you calm down. Yet you’re still nervous, scared that he’s a liar and that you’ll be in deep shit with the law. You step back onto the latter and are wary of looking over the wood. His eyes meet yours, and you swallow thickly. “I’m not mad, okay? I think it’s kind of cute. You’re like a curious little bunny,” he smiles, and you giggle.

“Never been called that before, usually just a curious cat,” you share with him, and he laughs. “Well, that’s not wrong,” he adds. A brief silence intrudes, and you just stare at one another. Helmut’s eyes jump from feature to feature on your face, relishing in that unique gorgeousness of yours. Someone like you will never be found amongst models because you’re an absolute angel. You’re like a pretty rose amongst other flowers; all are beautiful in their own ways, but you always manage to stand out.

You wonder if Helmut is the wolf to your bunny. That dark look in his eyes that compliments his features and overall attitude. He carries himself in such a way that old Hollywood actors wish they were so graceful. He’s the polar opposite of you––seemingly. But from the few words you’ve exchanged with each other, he just might be a bunny friend to yours. “I- I saw that there were cameras and I heard people talking… Are you filming a movie?” you ask him.

“...Yes, we are, bunny. I apologize for being so loud. Do you forgive me?” Helmut questions with a smile on his face. You nod your head and bite on your bottom lip, watching as his eyes brighten up a bit. “What’s it about? Can I know? Are you the main protagonist? Or the antagonist? What genre is it?” you interrogate, flooding him with questions. “Shh, one at a time, bunny. It’s very, very special and secretive. I can’t tell you much. But I’m the main protagonist, and it’s a bit of a naughty movie, so I don’t think a little girl like you should know much,” he whispers to you.

You nod your head as you listen to him, so intrigued about the work of art being filmed next door. “I’ve always wanted to be in a movie! Especially in one of those old Hollywood ones, they’re so good,” you admit to him shyly, with a coy smirk on your face. “Really? I think you’d be an amazing actress. You’d be even more popular than Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe,” Helmut praises, and you giggle once again.

“T- Thank you so much! ...Can I be in your movie?” you politely request him, but he shakes his head. You frown, your bottom lip jutted out. “You wouldn’t want to be in this movie, bunny. Remember what I said? It’s a naughty movie, and you’re just a little girl,” he reminds you, but you’re still pouting. “Is it a violent movie? One with curse words and lots of scary stuff?” you innocently ask, not sure as to what he means.

Helmut laughs quite loudly. “No,” he stifles a chuckle, “but one day I’ll shoot a movie with you, and I’ll show you how it’s all done.” He promises, and you can just tell he’s honest. You’re elated, hoping that the day he’s talking about will come soon. “What is your name, bunny?” Helmut asks, and you tell him. He nods before repeating it, giving you a smile. He brings both of your hands close to his face. You go on the tip of your toes to properly watch him once more. He presses his lips to the back of your hands, kisses them one by one.

“Go get some rest, bunny, and come by my place tomorrow,” he tells you before letting go of your wrists. He walks off before you do anything else. Sliding the glass door behind him, he disappears somewhere, and you’re left all by yourself. You’re still standing there, sighing dreamily as you replay the moments that will surely turn into a broken record. You hope that he’ll wear those blue swim shorts again, even though he’s already worn them twice.

There’s a skip in your step—nothing new and nothing unusual. Your shoes scratch against the concrete of the sidewalk that connects to Helmut’s front door. The sun only rose an hour and a half ago. The sky is a bright blue, filled with a few clouds that compliment the colour. The sun beats down onto your skin, and you haven’t forgotten to put on sunscreen once you finish twirling around in your little sundress.

You’ve got a miniature backpack that is slung over both of your shoulders. It’s orange, a bright one, in fact. It reminds you of the tangerines you love to peel, and those creamsicle treats that can be quite rare to find at this time of the year. You climb up the two steps that lead to his grey door, and you rap the wood a few times. There’s a doorbell too, one of those high-tech ones that record everything in its view.

Nothing but silence echoes back. No cars driving by, no birds chirping, no insects buzzing. Nothing. You wonder if he’s woken up yet, or if he’s even home. But as the door suddenly swings open––without a squeak, mind you––you’re met with the smiling face that belongs to Helmut. “Good morning, early-bird, is everything alright?” he questions, not one ounce of sleep tainting his look.

“Good morning! Everything is alright… D- Do you remember what you told me yesterday? About coming by?” you ask him, almost thinking to yourself that you’re just insane and that conversation never really happened. “Oh, right! Sorry, I've been a bit forgetful lately. But come in, have you eaten already?” Helmut asks as he moves to the side for you to enter.

Hesitatingly, you step inside his home. You kick off your shoes and look around. It seems sleek and modern at first, quite… different from the familiar feel of your house. Now, there are no wild polygons or geometric shapes that make you feel like you’ve been placed on a spaceship. No, it’s something that even your mind can’t come up with. The walls are a cream colour, engraved with different patterns that make it resemble marble. The chairs and couches have clear plastic legs on them, adding to that newfound era feel.

The floors are a light brown colour; wood in the shape of long, skinny parallelograms fitting against each other perfectly. The lights hang down a bit, high ceilings that you can’t even fathom reaching. You spin around and look up at them as they shine down brightly on you. They stem down from a pretty grey bronze appliqué that is attached to the ceiling. It’s practically art, just like the portraits of half-naked ladies that hang on his walls. There’s a specific piece that is above the fireplace.

It’s a mirror, and your reflection is in it. So is Helmut’s. You’re in front of him, looking at him through the mirror. He’s behind you, staring at your reflection. You both stay like that for a bit before you look away and admire the windows. He has such a lovely view; you can’t help but envy him for it. “Now, bunny, I have to be honest with you. We wrapped the movie up last night, and it was very late. I didn’t call you over because of that, and I’m really sorry about that. Do you forgive me?” Helmut questions.

You nod your head eagerly, just sensing that he’ll lead on with some sort of good news. Your parents have done that far too many times for you not to know better. “But, if you want, I’ll put you in a movie. It’ll be just between you and me because it won’t be too professional, okay?” Helmut grabs your hands and looks you in the eyes, waiting for your answer. “Oh, yes, please! That sounds amazing. Thank you so much!” you cheer, wrapping your arms around him.

You hug him tightly, and he eventually hugs you back. “Now, I want to finish it as soon as possible. So set your bag right on this couch, and go sit on that one,” Helmut instructs, pointing at the biggest couch in the living room. You nod and do exactly as he tells you. He walks away, possibly to set something up or to get ready, but either way, you still sit on his couch, filled with pure excitement. You cross one leg over the other, your pretty white dress covering the upper half of your thighs.

Lace that is on top of the cotton, both the same colour, and you realize how much you love this dress. Helmut saunters back into the living room, holding a giant tripod in one hand and a small camera in the other. You gasp at the sight, and he chuckles. Setting them up from the other side of the small coffee table, you watch him in awe. “This is going to be… a big girl movie, okay? Just like the one I was in. But I don't think it will be visible to the public eye, might just be between you and I,” Helmut tells you.

You nod in understanding. “Are you fine with that, little bunny?” he asks you just for reassurance. “Mhm, you can do anything you want; I don’t mind!” you reassure him, with a giant smile on your face. He swallows thickly as blood rushes downwards to his cock from your words. You still grin gleefully, such innocence on your features that he almost feels bad for having feelings for you.

He presses the little power button on the camera and waits for a green light to come on. With a smirk, Helmut walks around the table and stands in front of you. You look up at him, waiting for him to do something. He bends down and grabs both sides of your face––gently, of course––and he makes you stand up. He tilts his head and leans forward, slotting his lips against yours.

Now, you’ve kissed someone before. His name started with something along the lines of ‘J’ or ‘L,’ but that doesn’t matter. But that kiss was nothing like Helmut’s kiss. His kiss is soft and passionate, something you struggle to match. His lips stay locked with yours before moving to push his tongue into your mouth. You’re not sure what to do, so you just give up and let him kiss you until you both run out of breath. His tongue runs against the wet skin of your mouth, and you gasp at the feeling.

He eventually pulls away, and he looks at you with his eyes blown out. Helmut sighs and smiles at you. “You gotta trust me, okay?” he tells you once more, and you nod. “Ok…” you trail off, not knowing what to follow up with. “You gotta call me by a nickname, bunny… Hmm, how about Daddy?” he exclaims, his accent becoming more prominent. You love it and how unique it is. “Okay! I like that one a lot, my friend calls her boyfriend that sometimes,” you share with him, and he laughs.

He sits you down on the couch again, and his hand inches up your dress, making you giddy. He smiles at you, and you can see from the corner of your eye how the camera is filming you both. Helmut just knows you’re wet already, but you probably don’t know it. And he’s not wrong. You feel slightly tingly, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary. Your panties slide down your legs, a wet patch on them, and Helmut throws them to the side. He lifts your dress over your head and tosses the fabric away, too.

He takes a step back and admires you. You still have your ankle socks on, but God, you’re so gorgeous he thinks he’s in heaven. “You’re so pretty, bunny. The prettiest bunny I’ve ever seen,” he compliments. You grow shy and smile before whispering a thank you. You smile at the camera, and he begins to undress. The first thing that goes is the robe, and his chest is now exposed.

Helmut hasn’t shaved his chest hair, and you’re glad. It looks nice on him––but to be fair––anything does. All he has on is those swim shorts. God, you love those shorts so much. They’re no longer wet, and yet they still cling to his thighs. He slowly pulls them down––and you feel as though you should look away and give him privacy––but you just can’t. His cock is hard, and it shows through the fabric, but you’re too busy staring at his hands to notice it.

His Adonis belt is slowly exposed, along with his pelvic bone, as he pulls down his boxers as well. There’s a small bush of hair right above his cock, and you find yourself wanting to tangle your fingers between the strands. Helmut’s cock bounces up––hard, red, and leaking––and the tip slaps right below his belly button. You let out a gasp, and he chuckles. His swim shorts lie on the floor, and you’re suddenly being urged to lay back.

Helmut climbs on top of you, caging you beneath his well-built body. Soft abs that are just perfect enough for you, and big hands that hold you so lovingly. He wants to feel his rough palms against your delicate skin, falling into every groove and curve there is. Like an artist admiring their artwork, he runs his hands along your body. From your thighs to your hips, over your stomach, between your breasts, all the way up to your neck. His hard cock is between your legs, nearly touching your sensitive little pussy.

You swallow nervously at the feeling. Helmut’s left hand wraps around your throat, and his right hand moves downwards to your legs. Gripping your calf, he places your right leg on the head of the couch and moves to position your left leg so that it hangs off the edge of the seat. You’re spread wide open for Helmut, not able to hide your naked body or close your legs. Your hands rest above your head, almost as though you’re pathetically shielding your hair from the rain.

Helmut’s hand still rests on your neck, but he doesn’t squeeze your throat or anything like that. You’re not sure if he’s playing the antagonist or not, but you decide to just go along with what he does. “You’re okay, right, bunny? You’re fine, I’m gonna treat you so good,” he promises, and you give him your best superstar smile. You have to admit that you’re nervous, but you trust him completely. Helmut would never do anything wrong to you.

“Has anyone ever touched you down here, bunny? Have you ever touched down here?” he questions you, walking his fingers up to your soaking wet pussy. “Hmm, uh, I touched it once, but I didn’t know what was happening, so I stopped,” you shyly explain to him, and he nods. “That’s okay, bunny. Can I touch you here? I won’t hurt you too badly, I promise,” Helmut assures you, and you nod. His index finger sticks out, and he watches as slick drips from your hole and coats the silky skin around it.

The digit becomes a bit shiny and quite sticky, and he traces your slit lightly. You shiver lightly from his touch, and sensitivity blooms in your core. “Uhm… Daddy?” you call out to him, a bit worried. “What’s wrong, bunny?” he asks, bringing his finger up to your clit. It throbs with want, just like the veins on his cock. “It feels very sensitive, almost too sensitive…” you admit to him, even though he continues to touch your clit.

“That’s okay, bunny, that’s how it’s supposed to feel. But if you want to stop, just tell me,” Helmut urges you. “Okay, Daddy.” He rubs your little nub in small, light circles. The muscles in your legs twitch, and you bite down on your bottom lip. He continues to touch your clit, and you begin to writhe from the overwhelming feeling. You let out a few whines, and Helmut watches as your cunt just gets wetter and wetter.

You try to shift his hands away from you in your weird position. It’s just too much at once, and you’re scared of what will happen next. The pornstar’s finger slips off your cunt, and he lets out a small gasp. The sound is mixed with displeasure, and you look him in the eyes with innocence. “Don’t do that again, bunny,” he warns, squeezing your neck a bit just to add to his threat. His index finger returns to your clit, and this time, he rubs your little pearl even harder. You see stars, ones that are dark and would be hidden in the blackness of outer space. Your eyes roll back into your skull, and you’ve never felt such pleasure in your life. Helmut’s digit touches the most sensitive part of your clit, and you jerk in response. Your legs try to shut close, but his body stops you from doing so.

When you open your eyes, you’re faced with a displeased superstar. Helmut lets out a shaky exhale, trying to compose himself. He knows he shouldn’t get mad at you, but he just doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have his way. His hand leaves your cunt and moves downwards. Suddenly, a harsh slap lands on your ass, making you cry out in pain. The skin stings and prickles, and you can feel slight tears beginning to form in your eyes.

Instead of staring at your pretty little face, Helmut squeezes your neck even tighter and watches as your little hole begins to leak with even more wetness. “Aww, bunny, did you enjoy Daddy hitting you? Hm? I bet you did; that’s you’re so wet,” he chuckles, and you grow shy. He’s not wrong, though. You enjoyed the pain quite a bit, even though you tend to avoid any and all activities that could leave you with a minor injury.

“Such a little slut for pain. But I bet you don’t like it when Daddy gets mean with you, right? Yeah, because you’re just a sensitive little bunny,” he coos, and you smile. You nod to him, and he grins down at you. Helmut’s cock is a furious red, almost purple if you really look closely. Beads of precum run down the sides of his cock, all the way to his thick base. He slaps your ass once more, enjoying the way you flinch and then smile from delight.

“I guess I’ve been a bit mean, just touching your little button without even letting you come…” he sighs before shifting onto his knees. Helmut looks over to the camera, just to make sure it’s still recording. And it is, so he smiles. He towers over you even more now, a few strands on his hair dangling downwards, and you find yourself wanting to play with them. The hand that was on your ass grasps the base of his cock, and he runs the head through your folds.

A quiet squelching sound echoes between the both of you, and you giggle. Your laughter is cut short when he bumps up against your clit, and you let out a moan. The sound is unexpected on your behalf, but Helmut just smirks. Your moans turn into a string of shallow pants, and he curses under his breath at the feeling. Dragging his head away from your clit, he brings himself down to your hole, and you let out an even louder gasp.

“Shh, just let Daddy in, okay? I know it’s your first time, but it’s okay. You’re fine, don’t worry,” Helmut reassures. You nod your head and let out a pained cry as he pushes into you slowly. You feel as though you’re being torn apart, split into two. He grips your throat even tighter, and you wrap your hand around his wrist in a panicked, fleeting moment.

Helmut sheathes himself inside you, with your mouth parted open in a silent scream and his eyebrows knitted together. He eventually bottoms out, and the stretch of his cock goes from a harsh burn to a pleasurable feeling. His swollen balls touch your aching ass, and he bends down to kiss your forehead lightly. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” he questions. “Y- Yes, it feels really good, Daddy. Just a li’l uncomfortable, but it feels really good,” you tell him.

Your cunt squeezes him in a tight hug, your silky wet walls welcoming him in hesitantly. He wishes to stay inside you his whole life, and he would if he could convince you. Helmut pulls out until his head is the only thing inside you before roughly thrusting back inside. You cry out, and his hand loosens around your throat. “Such a good girl, letting me use your pussy for my pleasure. You like being recorded while I fuck you, right? Say it,” he demands, fucking into you roughly.

Your tits bounce with each and every movement. Helmut’s cock gets closer and closer to your sweet spot, and you moan loudly. “I- I like being recorded while you fuck me, Daddy,” you repeat to him. Helmut groans loudly, and you clench down on his cock tightly. “You feel so good, bunny, better than anyone else,” he compliments, feeling slick sweat beginning to build upon his back. “Uhm, Daddy? S- Something’s happening,” you whisper to him through your desperate cries of pleasure.

Searing heat grows hotter and hotter in your stomach, right above your pussy. You’ve never felt like this before, other than when Helmut was touching your pussy a few moments ago. “Let it happen, bunny, it’s okay, come all over Daddy’s big cock. I know you can do it, squeeze me, bunny,” Helmut urges, and you listen to him. The powerful feeling grows and grows, and so do your moans. And the elastic cord breaks eventually. It always does.

You cry out ‘Daddy’ as you come undone around his cock for the very first time. He continues to fuck you through your orgasm, even though you’re gripping him so tightly. You gush all over him, wetness coating his cock, and it makes him fuck you even quicker. The sound of skin on skin and loud moans fill the room, and Helmut hopes to God that the microphone is picking up on it all. The feeling in your body makes you lose all sense of reality, and you’re babbling like a little baby.

“Daddy- It’s too much,” you sob to him, digging your nails into your palms. “Shh, it’s okay, bunny,” he shushes gently, keeping his hand wrapped lazily around your neck. Helmut’s cock slams into your cunt, pounding into you ruthlessly, yet he’s somehow oh so gentle. Your eyes roll into the back of your head again, and you moan gently as you feel another climax being built up. Back to back, and you’re not sure how your body is going to handle it.

He’s close, too. He’s never had this happen before, and he’s not sure what to think of it.

“Awe, you’re going to come again, bunny? That’s okay, shh, Daddy’s here, bunny. We’ll do it together, and it’ll b- be good,” he tells you, and you nod. Helmut bends down and places his shiny forehead against yours. He stares you into your glassy eyes––they’re hazy––and he can tell you’re gone. You’ve gotten all stupid and dumb for his cock, and he loves the idea so much.

You both pant as he sloppily fucks into your cunt, his heavy balls slapping against your ass. “Fuck, I can’t wait to fill up your tight little pussy with my cum. Gonna watch it leak out, and I’m just gonna fill you up over and over again. Make you all mine because you belong to me. Right? Say it,” he growls, fucking you even faster. “I’m all yours, Daddy, I’m all yours,” you say to him, and you’re both pushed off the edge after one specific thrust.

“O- Oh my…” you choke out, squeezing your eyes shut. Helmut curses loudly, saying all kinds of sinful things that a nun would faint if she hears him. His cock twitches as he comes inside you, and your pussy squeezes him as you let go. Streaks of cum shoot out his tip and paint your inner walls, and it all begins to leak out already. Your cum mixes with his, and he can’t lie and say he doesn’t enjoy the sight of it.

He presses a kiss on your nose before slowly pulling out. Helmut’s cock is still hard, and he just knows the afternoon won’t end until he says so. You wince loudly at the feeling of emptiness and overwhelming sensitivity. “Sorry, bunny,” he frowns, reaching over for the camera. You watch him through droopy eyelids as he focuses it on your cunt, then to your body, and then to your face.

“Did I do good, Daddy?” you ask him excitedly.

“So good, bunny. You’re going to be sweeping up at the awards next year.”

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leiawritesstories · 3 years ago

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Speak To My Heart

Rowaelin Month, Day 15: A bad day

Word count: 3422

Warnings: language, bit of depression, fighting. In short, there is angst in this fic. Hope the ending makes up for the rest.

Linguistics and foreign languages are two of my personal passions, so please bear with the bits of language talk that I couldn’t resist including. Brief word of clarification: a lot of expressions we use in English either translate into something extremely rude or don’t make sense in other languages. Translation companies have been trying for quite some time to make sure they don’t accidentally send a client a translated instruction manual that reads “fuck your mother” instead of “for questions, contact your local energy department.” All right I’ll get off my soapbox. :)

The phrases in foreign languages, marked with *, are translated into English at the end. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rowan’s day had been shit. The second he walked through the door, he’d been bombarded with an endless slew of crash reports, malfunctioning equipment, faulty passwords, and best of all, having to rewrite half the security firewalls because one of the rash young idiots in his department couldn’t be bothered to check his work for errors before sending it to management. And management thought it was the department boss’s job to fix all of his employees’ fuckups.

He hated IT.

Even more so since being promoted to department chair.

All he wanted to do was the fun stuff--program design and development, fixing the flaws in his own designs, and of course making those who tried to break into his company’s systems regret their pitiful existence. But Cadre Tech’s bitch of a CEO refused to let the best software engineer on her staff actually do his job.

Most days, he could cope with the pile of useless shit she directed to his desk. Most days. Today was not one of those days. Probably because on top of all the meaningless tasks he’d had to field, he was also forced to sit through one of Maeve’s bullshit “department head strategy sessions,” where every department chair had to pretend they gave a single shit about any word coming from their CEO’s garishly red, pinched mouth.

As if she knew anything her staff actually did.

Thanks to the compulsory meeting, Rowan was stuck in his office at nearly ten o’clock, painstakingly combing through the final draft of the update to CT’s translation program. This program had shot the company to fame and fortune, or at least insane stock value. “A Google Translate that actually translates,” their marketing department called it, and by the gods, that stupid slogan worked. And made sense. Rowan knew the program was just as good as it claimed to be.

He’d put in the hours, alongside a team of linguists, software engineers, designers, and people fluent in at least one other language. Frequent were the sessions where the project whiteboard turned into a jumble of words in twenty or more languages, Spanish alongside Arabic next to a column of simplified Japanese characters spilling over into a row of Cyrillic lettering. Rowan himself spoke German and some Spanish, but even he was lost amid the cacophony of eighteen different people switching from language to language, trying to figure out how idiomatic expressions translated from one language to another and what words should never, ever be placed together.

It took the team well over a year of bickering, or as they called it, friendly linguistic disagreements, to make it from loosely mapped concept to functioning program. By the time it hit the market three years ago, the software had been so well promoted that companies all over the world snapped up their chance to finally communicate properly with the client they’d offended years ago with a bad translation.

At launch, of course, Maeve stood in front of a sea of shouting reporters brandishing microphones, smiling her serpentine smile, and proceeded to thank the creative team for all their “contributions” before taking all the credit herself.

Said creative team went to the bar that had become their usual gathering spot that night to get drunk and shit-talk their horrible boss, not necessarily in that order.

His favorite memory of that night was hearing the chief linguist, an outside contract with multiple advanced degrees who spoke eight separate languages besides English fluently, refer to Maeve as “quella puttana rugosa che non riusciva a convincere un cazzo a venire a dieci metri da lei se si vestiva da figa.*” The Italian speakers on the team were crying with laughter, and so was everyone else, once she translated it.

And then she downed another shot of vodka and hissed something that sounded like “sukya bliyad, no puedo mich betrinken con esta ordures.**” When everyone blinked in confusion, she sighed and relayed the sentiment in English.

Nobody had laughed as hard as Rowan. Aelin Galathynius just had that effect on him.

She brightened his darkest days.

But she couldn’t ease the strain of today.

And it was all his fault.

Aelin glanced up at the clock on her wall and cursed in three different languages when she saw that it was nearly eleven. Without meaning to, she’d spent all afternoon and evening writing lesson notes on idiomatic expressions. She really couldn’t help herself once she got into the topic; it was her pet project.

And the subject of one of her dissertations. Yes, she had multiple.

She’d worked her ass off for years to get through college, then through graduate and doctoral work while teaching at universities to offset costs, then earned a full-time teaching position at one of the top-ranked universities in the world. She got to teach linguistics, her lifetime love, and give guest lectures at other universities and at conferences, teaching people all over the world about the complexities and interrelatedness of language. Hell, she spoke ten; she’d be qualified to speak on linguistic relationships by virtue of that alone.

Gods, she was the chief linguist behind the most successful translation software ever produced. Even if the bitch who owned the rights to said software had literally threatened to sue over ownership rights if any of the people who’d poured their figurative blood and sweat and literal tears into building the program tried to claim a small piece of the credit each of them so richly deserved.

That software and her role in its creation--even though Maeve Ond had claimed the public credit, the creative team spoke at interviews and made news features for their work in Cadre Tech’s massive success--had solidified her credentials as a professor of linguistics, had boosted her into her lecturer spot.

Last year, her university granted her tenure.

She should have been overjoyed, and she was, but not as much as earning tenure deserved.

Because there was nobody to share her joy.

Three years ago, in the wake of CT’s overnight jump to worldwide fame, Aelin fled a love she did not and never would deserve.

She told herself she would never look back. But she did. Almost every day, she looked back at the life she’d shared with Rowan and tried to convince herself that she did the right thing.

Try as she might, she could never silence the whisper that echoed always in her mind.

“You broke both of your hearts”

Someday, she told herself, someday she would be back in Doranelle. Someday, she would have a chance to apologize. Someday, maybe she could fix the Rowan-shaped chasm that gaped wide in her heart.

Yet here she was, sitting in a very nicely appointed hotel room in the university district of Doranelle, typing furiously away as if burying herself in notes and prep for tomorrow’s lecture could make the urge to contact Rowan disappear.

Three years earlier. Doranelle.

“Knock, knock.”

Rowan’s head jerked up from where it had most definitely not been slumped on his desk. “Wha--Oh. Hi, Aelin.”

“You’re falling asleep, buzzard, let’s go home.” He heard laughter in her soft voice.

“As if you won’t just get home and start cross-checking every single one of the phrases on your ‘potential problem’ list.”

She chuckled, walking over to him. “Fine. We’re both perfectionist work whores. Doesn’t mean we don’t need sleep.”

“I know you too well to believe you’re actually going to sleep.”

“All right, you win. Come home now, I’ll make some food, and you can put me to bed.” She winked saucily at him, leaving very little doubt what putting her to bed would entail, and he was up out of his chair in seconds.

“Hand over your computer, Fireheart,” he grinned as they walked into the small house they shared on the outskirts of the city.

“What?”

“Your computer, love. I’m leaving both of our work bags on the shelf by the front door so we can actually catch some rest tonight.” He pressed a finger to her mouth to silence her protests. “Uh-uh, Ae, we have interviews tomorrow and I won’t let the genius behind this program’s flawless word-to-word be anything but well-rested.”

She sighed, but he saw the love in her eyes. “Here, then, my dear brilliant software engineer. Leave your notebook, too, because I know if it’s anywhere near you, you’ll be up at three in the morning scribbling blocks of gibberish and picking apart your faultless code until you go insane.”

Both of their work satisfactorily put aside, Aelin made good on her promise to cook Rowan dinner.

And then he made very good on his promise to put her to bed.

The next morning, they were both awake with the sunrise, content to lay curled in each other’s arms as the morning light spread across their room.

Rowan drifted back into sleep, waking for good when he caught a whiff of coffee from the kitchen’s direction.

“Morning, you sleepy buzzard,” Aelin grinned, sipping from her mug.

Rowan dropped a kiss on her head as he reached for his mug. He took a long drink, sighing as the milky, sweetened caffeine hit his mouth.

“I will never understand how you drink your coffee black, Fireheart.”

“Not all of us need to sweeten the hell out of coffee to drink it, Ro. Maybe if you can’t handle the real thing, you should go back to your pretty little cups of crappy cafe tea.”

“Mention my pretty little teacups again, Ae…”

She giggled. “You be quiet and drink your coffee-flavored milk, my love. We both know you’re impossibly grumpy until you have caffeine in your veins.”

He grumbled something unintelligible as he drank his coffee.

They were nearly late to work that morning, even having planned an extra half hour to arrive, thanks to Aelin wearing what Rowan dubbed her “sexy professor suit.” She fixed the pins in her French twist in the car, making herself once again a portrait of professionalism, and slipped Rowan’s hand from her leg.

“Two hands on the wheel, Whitethorn.”

He pouted. “But I’m a safe driver and I want to hold your hand.”

“My hands are over here, love, not down by my skirt.”

When he pulled into his spot, Aelin closed her eyes and took a deep, slow breath.

“You good, Fireheart?”

Gods, she loved hearing him call her that. “Yeah. I just…needed a moment to settle myself. To tell myself the cameras aren’t here to tear apart what I say.”

Rowan wrapped his hands around hers. “Dr. Aelin Ashryver Galathynius, the bland reporters are here to stand in awe of your expertise. Not a single word you say will come across as anything but brilliant and beautifully said.”

She squeezed his hands, her usual confidence returning. “I love you, buzzard.”

“I love you too, Fireheart. Let’s go talk about our amazing achievement.”

The day sped by in a blur of reporters, interviewers, teleprompters, practiced speeches, lights, cameras, and crew. When the last bleached-blonde anchor of the last interview of the day cut her crew’s cameras, Aelin flopped against her second-in-linguistic-command, Dr. Nehemia Ytger, the expert on ethnic African languages.

“If I never see a news crew again, it’ll be too soon,” she sighed. “I’m beat.”

Nehemia snickered. “But we’re done talking about how proud we are that Maeve and her marvelous company have done such a grand service to the world.”

Aelin snorted softly. “Right. And now we servicepeople want to go home and take off our heels.”

“Amen to that.”

As the team filed out of the studio, Rowan made his way over to Aelin. “Holding up?”

“Not anymore,” she said, leaning casually into his side. “My heels are killing me, there’s a hairpin stabbing into my scalp, and I really, really need to pee.”

Rowan laughed, deep and husky. “Let’s get you home, then.”

“I’m stopping in the bathroom first.”

Just before she left the ladies’ room, Aelin heard voices in the break area. Familiar voices--Rowan’s, Maeve’s, and the snippy, borderline whiny tones of Remelle Frelau, who worked in the marketing department and had a hell of a boner for Rowan.

“--looking at revenue over--” Maeve’s voice cut out, but from the gasps of the other two, the revenue was through the roof.

“And it’s all thanks to this genius here,” drawled Remelle, who if Aelin had her guess was probably clinging onto Rowan like a platinum-blonde leech.

“Ms. Frelau, this was the product of a team. No single person could possibly have made it happen alone.”

“Oh, call me Remelle, or even better Remy. And you’re the team leader, so you practically did create it by yourself.”

Aelin snickered to herself. Vapid bitch had no idea what she was saying.

“That’s not how teams work, Ms. Frelau. We wouldn’t be here without Dr. Galathynius and Dr. Ytger’s language expertise, not to mention the creative genius of the engineers, graphic designers, linguists, and programmers.”

“Ms. Frelau, though her judgment is clearly biased, has a point, Mr. Whitethorn,” Mave said. “You demonstrated remarkable collaborative leadership qualities throughout this project, and I fully expect that you will continue to do so.” Maeve’s heels clicked away. Rowan’s voice followed her.

“Thank you, Ms. Ond, but I have to credit Dr. Galathynius--”

“Will you stop kissing that woman’s ass?” snorted Remelle. “Gods, she’s not worth your time or your praise; all she does is translate words into different languages and you idiots drool over that like it means anything.”

Aelin jerked like she’d been slapped. She knew Remelle was a self-centered, shallow, spiteful bitch, but she hadn’t known she would do this.

“--did more for this project than you and your useless whiteboard of catchphrases,” growled Rowan.

“I don’t care what she ‘did for the project,’ Rowan, she’s never going to be good enough for you.”

“Thank you for caring about my welfare, Frelau, now please kindly fuck off.”

Aelin chose that moment to saunter out of the bathroom and head straight for Rowan, her face showing no hint of having heard that conversation. She did note with satisfaction Remelle’s vain attempt to march out of the room with some semblance of dignity. Too bad her heel caught on the seam of the hallway carpet and the break room’s tile flooring and she had to grab the doorframe to keep from collapsing.

“You’re awfully quiet, Aelin.”

“Just thinking. Processing, really. It’s been a hell of a day.”

Rowan nodded. “I bet.”

“And hearing fucking Remelle rip into me for being useless…didn’t make it better.”

“Shit, you heard that?”

“Yeah. I heard that.” Her voice was hollow.

Rowan pulled into their driveway and shut off the engine. Reaching across the console, he cupped Aelin’s face in his hands. “Aelin. You are brilliant. You are terrifyingly smart. You are a force of nature. Nothing, nothing you will ever do is useless. Don’t let that jealous bitch make you think you are less than the perfect woman.”

She smiled tentatively at him. “She…she told me before that last interview that I could never be enough for you. Because you--because of Lyria.”

Rowan raked a hand through his hair. “Ae, can we talk about this inside?”

That night, he told her about his former fiancé, Lyria. He told her about their whirlwind romance, their youthful dreams. He told her about the horrific crash that stole away Lyria’s life. A drunk trucker, a narrow pass in the mountains. He showed her the box in which he kept all the memories of that life. He cried. Aelin cried. He curled against her, let her comfort him.

“Sometimes, I wish she was still here. She’d understand everything. She always did.”

Aelin had no response. She let Rowan fall asleep, his weight shifting off her and into his bed, and looked through the box. Everything she saw served as another reminder that this was the first woman he loved, the woman who understood everything.

She was worthy of him.

But was Aelin?

The more she looked at Rowan and Lyria’s happiness, the more the answer solidified.

No.

When Rowan woke up the next morning, Lyria’s box sat on Aelin’s side of the bed, a side that had not held Aelin.

He glanced out the window.

Her car was gone.

He got up and frantically paced through the house.

Everything she’d brought into his home was gone.

As was she.

Present day.

Rowan opened his front door mechanically, pulled off his shoes, dropped his work backpack on its shelf, and was halfway to his bedroom before he realized he’d just opened his front door. His front door that was always locked.

Someone was in his house.

Someone who either had a duplicate key or insanely good lockpicking skills.

Exactly one person owned a duplicate key to his house.

Aelin.

That’s impossible, she lives in Orynth, she can’t be here, he told the traitorous part of his brain that leapt with joy at seeing Aelin’s face again.

He turned around and made his way through the kitchen--nobody there--to the living room. He flicked on a lamp, casting a soft light around the room.

And nearly had a heart attack.

Aelin Galathynius sat on his couch.

For a moment, he just gawked at her. She looked so…different. Older. Gone was the infectious smile that had captured his heart. Dark shadows smeared under her eyes, testament both to the long hours she devoted to her work and to recent sleepless nights. She was twisting a ring on her right hand, a familiar sign of her nerves. From his angle, Rowan could see a hint of dark script on her wrist. A tattoo. The Aelin he knew didn’t have tattoos.

“I’m not a ghost.” Her voice, weary and hollow, broke the tense silence.

Rowan crossed the room, propped an arm on the fireplace. “Why?”

“Why am I here? Why did I leave? Why did I cut you out of my life?”

“Everything.” He couldn’t keep the waver from his voice, but his eyes burned into hers.

She took a steadying breath. “I’m here to apologize, first of all. I’m here to face what I ruined and to try and start mending it. I’m here to come to terms with everything I broke when I left three years ago.”

Whatever he’d expected her to say, it certainly wasn’t that.

“I’m sorry, Rowan. I’m sorry I left like that. I was…I was scared.”

“You can’t just run away from your fears, Aelin!” He couldn’t keep the frustration from his tone. “You can’t just abandon someone when you have a bad day!”

“I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t have left! I know I can’t run from my fears; I’ve spent the last three years trying and fucking failing to do that! But I don’t know what else to do.”

“Saying something about it would have been a good first step.”

“I’m bad at emotions, Rowan. I tried. It wasn’t enough.”

“That’s not a good enough excuse.”

Aelin flicked a tear from her face. “I know.” Her shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry, Rowan. I should never have left. I let some stupid comment root into my head and make me doubt myself. I made myself believe I would never be good enough for you. I left you. I loved you, and I still left you. I still love you, even though I’ve tried to suppress it. I can never make up for that. I…I just wanted to tell you how much I’ve regretted that horrible decision all these years. I want you to be happy, Rowan, I--”

“How am I supposed to be happy without a source?” He’d dropped onto the couch, close enough to touch her but still keeping his distance.

“What?”

“You didn’t just take yourself away, Aelin. You were my happiness. I’ve spent three fucking years trying to make myself believe I’m better without you in my life, and I can’t.”

She was unabashedly crying by that point. “What do you want me to do? How can I make up for abandoning you?”

“Stay.”

Her gaze locked onto his, both of their eyes pooling with tears.

“Stay with me, Fireheart.”

“But--”

“I never stopped loving you either.”

A choked sob ripped out of Aelin. Rowan couldn’t hold himself in check any longer; he reached out and tugged her gently into his arms. To his shock, she didn’t resist, burying her face into his chest as sobs shook her shoulders. When she calmed, he tilted her chin up.

“Will you stay, Aelin?”

“Yes. Even though I will never deserve your forgiveness, yes.”

Translations:

* = “that pinched old whore who couldn’t convince a dick to come within ten metres of her if she dressed up provocatively” (Italian)

** = loosely translated as “Fucking hell, I can’t get drunk off this garbage.” (in order, Russian (badly phonetically spelled out because Rowan POV), Spanish, German, Spanish again, French) (the Russian doesn’t directly translate, so it could mean several different variations of expletive)

Might there be a second part? Perhaps......

#my writing #rowaelin month #aaaaaangst

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dinthehottotty · 4 years ago

Text

Catch Me If You Can

Summary: Din finds new meaning to old words.

Warnings: Straight, unadulterated, violently disgusting fluff. It's gross.

A/N: translations at the bottom. No editting.

Those five stupid words got him everytime. They always stirred a childish rivalry between the two of you and he hated it. He was well and grown, those insignificant words should have no effect on him.

But they did.

From the time you were both foundlings it burned him. Not because you were faster than him, because he managed to grab you everytime, but the fact that it always worked on him. He idly wondered if that's why he was so drawn to bounty hunting. Had you trained him to chase?

Often times, when he's flying through the endless streaking that is hyperspace he thinks about you. Hyperspace is to you as visiting the armorer is to his parents. The whirring of hyperspace makes him dream of you saying that like some sick nightmare.

He remembers the first time it's said to him, a couple weeks after he was rescued. He'd seen you, both of you young enough that you hadn't sworn the creed. He remembers you watching him with excited eyes and sneaking over to him when all he wanted was to cry again over the loss of his parents.

"It's easier not to think about it," you'd told him, "and when you do, think about the good things." It had surprised him. He'd never spoken a word, he quickly discovered you were a foundling yourself, rescued only a short time prior. You'd eased him a bit, accepting his quiet nature with your chatty one. He thinks often of your cheeky smile from youth. It's hard to imagine what it looks like now, all he sees when you laugh is just the endless times as children he saw your grin. How you stayed so upbeat he didn't know.

But when he'd dried his tears you begged him to play and he had. "Catch me if you can!" Was shouted and so began his rage because you flashed a devious look over your shoulder as you ran.

You dared him to try.

Then it continued.

Catch me if you can, as you were trained to fight and he'd chase you across the training fields. In the middle of brawls, you'd call it out and he'd immediately turn to chase. It was purely instinctual. How you found him that one time on some outer rim planet, magnitizing trouble his direction, he decided you were bad luck. You'd weezed it as you both sprinted from an unidentifiable creature that was ready to tear you both limb from limb. He'd punched the back of your helmet for it when you were both in private (and you found it hilarious as he shook his knuckles free from pain).

It turned into a joke you'd say. Because he might be faster than you but he always have to push himself to keep up with you. It was competitive but effortless on your part and that brought out the childlike indignation he buried down. You pushed all the buttons in the perfect sequence to rile him up. He hated it. He dreaded it.

You'd appear in the furthest reaches and the most annoying manner, sneaking up on him to whisper it like it was the funniest thing. Swooping in to steal his bounties at the most inconvenient times. He never understood it. You'd catch them just before him and dump them at his feet like a lothcat dropping a womp rat on its owners doorstep. Smug and proud.

You'd jibe him with those five words whenever you could. Some of the most difficult, dangerous bounties that could yield a mighty reward and you'd just... hand them over like it was nothing.

It frustrated him to no end. But there was nothing in the world that felt better than sacking you to the ground, he swears. He loved to win against you, even if it felt like you let him. He always second guesses himself when it happens because you laugh! Like it's all in the fun.

You snare him everytime with that line and he knows he's lost. You were a fierce warrior and honestly he was glad you didn't bounty hunt often. If you did he wouldn't have even half the credits.

You swore the creed before he did. Earned your signet before him. Won a blaster before he did. It was endless chasing and even when you lost he could never understand just why you seemed to enjoy yourself so much. He could never tell if you were a rival or a friend but deep down he always hoped it was just an annoying friend.

He felt like it was a waste of your talents for you to transfer to the covert under medicine instead of mercenary work. To be honest, though he had seen you work, fingers flying effortlessly. They were steady, even when covered in blood.

He tried to tell himself that he was just too exhausted from the last bounty to not clean up his newest wound. A few shallow stabs that he'd acquired in the scuffle of a twi'lek that refused to give in. Din had closed it with an emergency cauterizer but it was mess and awkward, especially the one on his hip.

The excuses kept rolling in his head of what he'd tell you on why he didn't just clean it up himself before he realized he couldn't stop thinking about your modulated laugh or the lightness of your gloved touch compared to his. (He was fully aware of how hard you could hit and was always amazed by the delicacy of your gentle touches.)

It was after he left the Cantina, delivering bounties, collecting rewards, internally punching Kreef, that he finally just admitted he missed you. He missed the only person he might call his friend.

Din is aware that this will be the third time in the last two months that he's sought you out in this manner. That it's becoming a habit instead.

So he tries not to limp to badly to the convert. When he reaches the medical room he feels disappointed that your armor doesn't catch his eye at first. You'd probably been requested on a mission, somewhere important.

That is until he spots you half hidden behind a curtain, hunched over another mandalorian and focused intensely on whatever was under the bandage you were staring at.

He'd seen you do that. You were evaluating. You'd stand still as a droid, thinking about whatever wild random thoughts came out of your head. Another thing that marveled him. You were so creative, always looking for a different way to do things, just for the fun of it. It frustratingly worked in your favor but he thinks it's got more to do with stubbornness than good logistics.

He shuffles that way, and if you notice, you don't acknowledge him as he sinks awkwardly into one of the chairs. He keeps his weight off his hip.

"There is an avaliable baar'ur on the otherside, vod." You murmur without looking up. You'd noticed him, however not noticed it was him.

"I'll wait," he rumbles and your head jerks up in response. He likes it more than he cares to admit because your straightening and evaluating him instead of the man on the table who is no doubt glaring at him. Din thinks it's one of the many that float around and boast for your attention.

"Did you get stabbed again?" You demand.

"Not deep." Your laugh flutters about and then your turning back to your current patient who relaxes as your finally return your attention on him.

"If you want an excuse to see me just ask, you don't have to hurt yourself to do it. Just stop by, bring me some shig." You say and begin to pick up tools. When you remove the bandage Din sees a healing wound. You were checking up on him.

"I'll remember that." He can feel your grin through your helmet.

By the time he was settled on the table for examination, you were already hovering over him. He shifted onto his good side, rolling toward you as he jerked his tunic up. He had to unclip his belt to lower his pants enough for the wound on his hip to show.

You were forced to ignore the glorious dark trail of hair beginning to peak out from the top of them.

He very nearly sighed in relief as your hands carefully braced over either wound and prodded gently. It makes his heart race. "Maker, Din," he could hear you hiss minutely. "Do I have to board your damn trash ship in order to keep you from doing this shit to yourself? I'm giving you bacta."

"Don't need it. And my ship is not trash." He grunts, making you twist your helmet toward his.

"Or'dinii," you grunt lowly. Maybe he was a bit of a moron. "I'm taking your cauterizer away." Finally, you draw away and begin to pull out supplies to clean and dress his wound.

"So I'll just bleed out next time?"

"It'd be a mercy." Din smiles under his helmet as you begin gently cleaning his gashes. You knew by this point that he also refused the local anesthetics by now. He couldnt feel your hands the last time.

Din relaxes against the table, calmed by your presence. "Do you want to stop by for dinner tonight?" You prompt him.

"I have bounties to hunt."

"Tell you what, have dinner with me tonight and I'll help you catch your next few."

"I don't need your help."

"Sure. Sure. I mean, you're totally up to catching me right now." Din feels the spike of emotion in his chest and groans in annoyance.

"I have caught you everytime, wounded or not," he growls. "Were not children anymore." He doesn't expect you to lean down to his helmet. It startles his heart into a sprint as you rub your thumb affectionately over his hip bone. What game was this? All he can see is his helmet reflecting in yours.

"If you haven't realized that I enjoy you chasing me at this point, I may have to spell it out for you, Din." Your threat has a mocking to it that pisses him off more, but he's tense under your thumb stretching to the inside of his pelvic bone. It's taunting, teasing.

"What's the point?"

"Maybe you'll have to try again and find out."

And you rose back to work silently on his wound, letting him mull over your words and over think the tension.

Finally, he's patched up properly and sits up on the table. "What time are you done here?" He asks.

"Twenty minutes ago."

"Why didn't you say anything."

"Doesn't matter, does it?" You make quick work of cleaning up your supplies. "So dinner?" You demand. Din grins under his helmet.

"Fine." He relents, climbing to his feet.

"Good. Oh, and Din," you lean close, backing him into the edge of the stone table your hand presses into his chest plate. "Catch me if you can." Before you take off like there's blaster fire.

You let him catch you this time, right in the entrance to your quarters. He tackles you through the curtain and you roll across the floor, laughing all the way. Clearly, you're enjoying as much as you did playing tag or hide and seek as kids. Despite the bite of pain in his wounds he wrestles your arms to the ground on top of you.

"You like this?" He demands, half amused.

"Yeah, you were the best part of my life when we were growing up, it brings me back, you know?" He tenses when you casually admit that. And the silence hangs heavy, only heavy breathing and the tap of beskar chests heaving against each other.

Then he headbutts the helmet to yours. "I... I think about your smile a lot... from when we were kids." You shift slowly under him, legs framing his hips.

"It's strange isn't it? That we've known each other so long and we don't look anything like we did the last time we saw one another." Your voices lowered.

"We... we could see each other again," he finds himself suggesting. You gasp quietly underneath him.

"Like... like leaving the covert?"

"If you... if you wanted. But..." he hesitates, trying to remember how annoying you were supposed to be. "What if we got married?" He feels more nervous than he ever remembers feeling.

"Okay," you whimper, sounding as breathless as you feel.

"Okay?" He finds himself repeating. Your helmet nods frantically against his.

"Yes, okay!" And he's letting you go of your arms when you sound like your ready to sob. He kind of likes the sound of the beskar armor sliding against more beskar, but suddenly he's exhausted and all he wants is to sink into your warm embrace unhindered. Only rumbling bellies reminding the both of you to detangle.

...

His jump to hyperspace was welcomed this time. His brain swimming around you, his Riduur. His love. His best friend. He could embrace the thoughts of you in hyperspace.

Navarro darts out of view and he settles back in his seat, a pleasant sort of soreness filling his body from his eager activities you'd both participated in. He just wished he could have seen your face after the ceremony, but there wasn't enough time.

"Hey, Din," he hears you call from the doorway of the cockpit. But it sounds different, lighter. You weren't wearing your helmet. A thrill of excitement filled him for a split second. He soaked up a moment before he slowly pilots his chair about.

You weren't just not wearing your helmet, you weren't wearing anything. It stalled his brain to see the shy but mischievous smile as you casually lean against the doorframe. He knows the tightened nipples are due to the cool air of his ship and he takes in the face he's been imagining for nearly three decades.

You smile up at him, mocking him. "Catch me if you can," you murmur softly, but there's no motion to run. Din smiles behind his helmet.

There's no rage this time. Only thrill and awe at the face he's imagined a billion times and how he still couldn't have gotten it right. He reaches for his own helmet lifting it off his head to see his spouse for the first time since they were kids.

....

Baar'ur - Medic

Vod - Brother, sister, comrade

Shig - a hot, tea like beverage

Or'dinii - Moron or fool

Taglist:

@lxdyred

#din x you #din dijarin fanfiction #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din #fluff #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal

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teachingmycattoread · 4 years ago

Text

Things We’ve Yelled About This Episode #16

The Hobbit, J. R. R. Tolkien

The Lord of the Rings (films)

The Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien

The Silmarillion, J. R. R. Tolkien

This meme:

Harry Potter (aka The Boy Wizard), J. K. Rowling (as always, this podcast thinks Joke Rowling is full of shit, donate to your local trans charity today)

““There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West. Some courage and some wisdom, blended in measure. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. But sad or merry, I must leave it now. Farewell!”” Thorin Oakenshield, Chapter 18: The Return Journey

““If we don’t get blown off, or drowned, or struck by lightning, we shall be picked up by some giant and kicked sky-high for a football.”” Thorin Oakenshield, Chapter 4: Over Hill and Under Hill

This meme:

and these posts thereupon.

The Princess Bride, William Golding

“The mother of our particular hobbit – what is a hobbit? I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us.” Chapter 1: An Unexpected Party

The Three Plagues of Lludd’s town aka Cyfranc Lludd a Llefelys (wiki)

The Historia Regum Britanniae, Geoffrey of Monmouth (wiki)

Brut y Brenhinedd (wiki)

The Icelandic translation of Dracula (post)

Beowulf (wiki) - M recommends the Seamus Heaney or Tolkien translations, but they’re enjoying the Maria Dahvana Headley version immensely.

The Hobbit and LoTR as D&D campaigns, Matt Colville (youtube)

The Secret Commonwealth of Elves, Fauns and Fairies, Robert Kirk and Andrew Lang (wiki)

Elves in Discworld, Terry Pratchett (wiki)

Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan

Babel fish, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams (wiki)

The Poetic Edda (wiki)

For Dwarfish names as Old Norse past participles see this post

Game of Thrones (TV, books by George R. R. Martin)

“Then they went back, and found Thorin with his feet on the fender smoking a pipe. He was blowing the most enormous smoke-rings, and wherever he told one to go, it went – up the chimney, or behind the clock on the mantelpiece, or under the table, or round and round the ceiling; but wherever it went it was not quick enough to escape Gandalf. Pop! He sent a smaller smoke-ring from his short clay pipe straight through each one of Thorin’s. Then Gandalf’s smoke-ring would go green and come back to hover over the wizard’s head.” Chapter 1: An Unexpected Party

M, despite literally never throwing anything out on purpose, can’t find the handout for the lecture they mention on classic fantasy as war literature - if that rings any bells for anyone, let us know so we can credit properly!

J. R. R. Tolkien

C. S. Lewis

The Once and Future King, T. H. White

“Even Bilbo was given a seat at the high table, and no explanation of where he came in – no songs had alluded to him even in the obscurest way – was asked for in the general bustle.” Chapter 10: A Warm Welcome

Shakespeare and listening to women (post)

“It was at this point that Bilbo stopped. Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did. The tremendous things that happened afterwards were as nothing compared to it. He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait.” Chapter 12: Inside Information

Anansi Boys, Neil Gaiman

Smaug is to the dwarves as the Sackville-Bagginses are to Bilbo (post)

Geralt of Rivia, The Witcher (Netflix)

“ “Well, are you alive or are you dead?” asked Bilbo quite crossly. Perhaps he had forgotten that he had had at least one good meal more than the dwarves, and also the use of his arms and legs, not to speak of a greater allowance of air. “Are you still in prison, or are you free? If you want food, and if you want to go on with this silly adventure – it’s yours after all and not mine – you had better slap your arms and rub your legs and try and help me get the others out while there is a chance!”” Chapter 10: A Warm Welcome

“ “Tomorrow begins the last week of autumn,” said Thorin one day.

“And winter comes after autumn,” said Bifur.

“And next year after that,” said Dwalin, “and our beards will grow until they hang down the cliff to the valley before anything happens here.”” Chapter 11: On The Doorstep

Teen Wolf

“braver than any US marine” meme

This meme:

and commentary

What Else Are We Reading?

Check Please, Ngozi Ukazu (comic)

How To Write An Autobiographical Novel, Alexander Chee

Eat Up!, Ruby Tandoh

The Great British Bake-Off

Next Time On Teaching My Cat To Read

Even More Hobbit (This Time With Moving Pictures)

#tmctr #teaching my cat to read

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selectedhq · 4 years ago

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oh , wonderful ! welcome welcome , let’s get this show on the road , shall we ? not like we have the rest of our afterlife to dwell upon , am i right ?

well , i would like to officially welcome you to the good place . i’m sure you are all wondering why you are here , but we will get more into that later as we experience the afterlife as a whole . take a look around , these are your neighbours , friends , significant others & your community members . during your time on earth , all of us here at the good place , had taken it upon ourselves to watch you carefully & take careful consideration in picking you , specifically . we have our own point system , which you will see on the screen behind us , where you would gain simple points such as holding a door for someone or handing some money to someone that was less fortunate as you . we did track some of the negative things that you have done in your life , but they ---- usually balanced out the good . the overall existence of this place was built with you and for you , you were chosen for a purpose & we hope that purpose will become clear to you during your stay here . now , we shall begin with the briefings .

LOCATIONS

i’m sure that you have noticed that this place is quite large ! we have many establishments throughout this town & they were all made to fit the likings of our fellow community members .

𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄

where you will find a lot of marine life and water . i’m sure that many of you who have enjoyed water during your time on earth have found yourselves situated in a home directed that way . you will find canoes and row boats that will allow you to enjoy some peace on the lake , as well as a beautiful waterfall just around the bend . while here , we encourage you to take a look around the ponds , we have some amazing fish that would love to have some of the food that is sold in the downtown area . we also encourage you to take a nice hike up the waterfall , with a cliff right off to the right . once you hit the destination , maybe have a wonderful picnic with a loved one or try some cliff diving if you were much too frightened before on earth .

𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄

the wooden area that many people enjoy when they need some peace and quiet . there are a few households within this neighbourhood , usually selected for people who enjoyed the seclusion and warmth of being connected to nature . our local greenhouses are kept up there , you can find some wonderful plants that you could take home or take a few selfies with the help of kimmy to hang up in your home . we also have the community garden out that way , where you can grow your own vegetables or even help gather some ingredients for the restaurants as some extra credit options towards gaining more points ( yes , you can still gain them here ! ) . we have a few trails within this area as well , where you can feel one on one with nature once again , where the sun will beat on your face ; you can practically hear the bugs buzzing around you !

𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄

where many of you may usually find yourselves , it allows itself to be integrated with the downtown area just behind you . you’ll be able to see the large households that are within that area , where many of our community members are staying , either by their lonesome or with someone they believe to be close to them . in the north side , you’ll find a lot of educational things , including our school for the afterlife . the school is still working out some last minute kinks alongside our trusty kimmy , but will be up & running within the next week , so make sure that you take some time to visit the campus & take a good look at the classes that will be offered . we would love to keep you educated on things around the good place during your stay here . while school can be quite boring , i’m sure we can rope you all into attending with the small bribery of flying ! you have all witnessed it briefly during our halloween event , but we will be having mandatory flying lessons for everyone who joins the school in the beautiful courtyard out back . you like gymnastics ? well we can find you some balance beams . football ? well what is the afterlife without some tackling ? cheerleading ? well you’re in for a treat because i sure would love to hear some fun rhymes ! you name it , we got it .

𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄

is currently under construction , so we do ask that you avoid that area at this moment . the weather is not corresponding correctly to the systems we have put into place & we definitely do not want a mix up with any of you . so please , we ask that you do not move past the colourful rainbow tape that is surrounding the south side until the construction of that area is done . we are working very diligently to get it up & running as i am sure many of you are hoping to find yourself located in that wing !

𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍

the place that you will always find yourself wanting to come ! we have a little bit of this & a little bit of that for everyones liking . there are local restaurants around town that will serve you anything that you could dream of ! many of which could be your favourite meals , favourite drinks ---- oh & did we mention the endless options for desserts ? if you look around , we also have endless froyo stations ; many of which will have flavours that create a very similar feeling to joy & happiness . ever wonderful what it would taste like after getting straight a’s on your exams ? what about the feeling of warmth after being outside in the cold all day ? well i’m sure we can mix up something for you ! we also have entertainment sectors such as bars , clubs , even a movie theater to play your favourite movies from when you were on earth ! bookstores , florists , clothing stores , you name it ! it may look a bit confusing on the outside , with you questioning our tastes but we have never questioned you & i cross my heart that the moment you walk into any of our stores , you will always find something tailored to your specific tastes !

i am sure that you all have many questions , we are here to always help you ! we shall go over the wonderful rules that we have in the good place & what is deemed appropriate .

RULES

there will be a zero tolerance violence policy . although we do not have the jurisdiction within the good place to arrest , but you will be losing points with violence .

you are free to ask kimmy any questions that you deem necessary , but they must be appropriate . kimmy will refuse to answer anything that is not needed .

as stated earlier , we will not allow anyone in the south side of the good place at the moment . if found there , you will be brought into my ( michael’s ) office & punishments will be discussed between the architects .

WHAT IS THERE TO DO ?

well good question ! you are able to sign up for the local school classes that kimmy will listen later in the weekend , we do hope that we get some good responses ! we’ve worked hard to coordinate the classes ! we also allow you to work in the local agencies , but please be aware that money is not a thing in the good place ! you do receive points towards your community involvement & that will boost you up on the scale in the architects system . we welcome you to join the local clean up group that dedicates themselves to cleaning up any possible garbage that is fluttering on the streets , or maybe you are interested in the party planning committee , which is usually run by tahani but we would love to have more people join & put in their ideas !

LITTLE THINGS TO NOTE

be aware that the good place is tactical to your needs & wants . if you don’t enjoy someone using a curse word , then your mind will blank it out & possibly replace it with a new word . if you are fluent in another language , we have all implanted a translator in your mind . although someone might be speaking english to you , they could actually be speaking french or spanish but you are able to translate it instantly .

housing units are there for your liking , if you would like to move in with someone , we will allow that but please run it by kimmy or myself ( michael ) to let us know that you will be moving so we can use your old home for something enjoyable for other community members or reinvent it into a new home for someone that will be joining us .

lastly , we do not want to overwhelm you today , so if you ever have any questions please let kimmy know ! kimmy is programmed to know every answer in the universe & she will be at your beck & call . all you have to do is call her & she will appear to answer anything that you need . the architects are quite busy making sure that this place is designed properly , which allows kimmy to answer questions for us . anyways , without further ado , please ! explore all the fun things that are surrounding you , we can’t wait to begin planning more things !

SOME OOC DETAILS

this plotdrop isn’t as dramatic as the future ones will be , but we tried to answer most of the questions that have been floating around !

this plotdrop is to show you the amount of things that your character can do around town & the jobs that they could do if they want to boost their points ( like characters that don’t believe that they belong here - they might want to boost their rating by helping around the community )

as said ! if any characters or muns have questions -- ask kimmy ! make sure that you follow the blog for kimmy , where you can send messages to ask her about things around the good place or questions about anything you need to be answered ! she will definitely answer to the best of her ability , it will allow the architects to start fixing up that nasty south side .

if asking kimmy a question , make sure that you start the question with ‘hey kimmy !’ so that she knows to appear to answer the question you type in the askbox.

you are welcome to continue your event threads , we just ask that you don’t make any new starters at the moment for it .

we will also be introducing meme days this weekend , so definitely keep an eye out for that one !

if you have any questions that kimmy can’t answer ( something ooc that could be bothering you ) then don’t hesitate to message the main admins , we will make sure to help you out !

#selected.plotdrop

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splitpush · 5 years ago

Text

[ENG] 銀の匙 | Silver Spoon 131 (final chapter)

I’ve loved Gin no Saji for many years. I wanted to provide a roughly-translated manuscript for any other English-speaking fans that are still waiting for the finale to this beautiful manga by Arakawa-sensei. I supplemented my translation using the Chinese scanlation provided here by lumosmoon and typeset by 王少. Page numbers correspond to numbers on the side of the pages in the raw scans.

If anyone is interested in typesetting this translation to the manga, please link this post and credit me under the name “hachiko”, thanks! Enjoy & please excuse any errors.

[page 1~3]

Hachiken: The big blue sky. The gold-coloured lands. A blurry horizon. A smart phone with no signal...

Subtitle: A coming-of-age story built from tears, sweat, and dirt has finally come full-circle in a 32-page finale!!! In this endless field washed in gold... For a boy who was once unable to visualize what would come in the future, who disliked having a dream... His future is beginning to sprout at last.

Hachiken: Where... am I...?

[page 4]

Narrator: The answer is... Russia. [big arrow] Specifically, here. [small arrow points to Ezono]

Subtitle: Even though Hachiken has finally grown up a little... he still gets lost!! A bad sense of direction that transcends international borders.

Hachiken: “If you follow ‘this path’ we’ll see each other...” is what he told me. But are you kidding? This is RUSSIA!!! (text on the road: “THIS PATH”) Brings me back to the memory of that day in the summer of first year, when I had to walk along the path between Mikage Ranch and Komaba Ranch… Even if it’s one road and I won’t get lost, it probably won’t be without incident… Aren’t there bears here in Russia? Tigers? (Also it’s Russia!)

[page 5]

Subtitle: The last chapter of this coming-of-age story opens in the far east of Russia! Accompanied by the low rumbling of thundering machinery, what approaches Hachiken…!?

A familiar person’s back: So you really came, Hachiken!

[page 6]

Hachiken: Komabaaaaaa !!!

Komaba: Hey. You got lost, didn’t you?

Hachiken: Even if I don’t get lost I’d still encounter some kind of trouble!!!

Recap: After graduating from Ooezo Agricultural High School, Hachiken & co. went their separate ways. Now, four years later, his friends have gathered at Aki’s place while she is studying at Chikudai. But Hachiken, also at Chikudai, is nowhere to be found…

[page 7]

Komaba: If… you could see the mountains, you would know how to get your bearings...

Hachiken: Ah-- In our 360-degree visible radius there is not a single hill or ocean, and all I see are fields. I’ve never seen anything like it in Hokkaido.

Komaba: Hachiken, why did you come dressed so formally?

Hachiken: You were the one that told me there was an interesting business proposal!! Please take my business card!

Komaba: In recent years, Amur Oblast has started to do agriculture-related business with the banks in Hokkaido.

Hachiken: Japan-Russia relations?

Komaba: Yup. A joint venture between the Japanese banks and Amur Oblast. How do I say this, I don’t know if Russians are full of heart or simply rough-handed, but the motto they have here is basically: “sow as you please, and reap as you please”.

Hachiken: Oh…

[page 8]

Komaba: Due to the effects of global warming, the eternally frozen fields are now arable. And so a Russian dude casually told me to “do as you please” with this huge piece of land.

Russian dude: So you want to use the land? Sure, provided that you can speak the language, have the work ethic, and drink the vodka with me!

Hachiken: Hoho….

Komaba: So I started using the methods we used commonly in Japan to grow soy on the land. In our first year, the crop yield suddenly increased by 50%.

Hachiken: Just how “do as you please” were these Russians before this!!!

Komaba: We are leading the way carefully. With all the knowledge that we’ve accumulated, we can of course lead carefully.

[page 9]

(Russian) Kid: ICHIRO -- !! Kid: Done work yet? Komaba: Yup. Kid: Then let’s play some baseball! Kid: Teach me how to toss a forkball! Komaba: Tossing a fork requires muscle! Muscle!

Hachiken: I don’t know what they are talking about, but I can tell it’s about muscles…

[page 10]

Komaba (Russian): Your hands are still too small, so let’s try it first with your thumb and forefinger. Don’t push yourself, or you’ll hurt your wrist.

Hachiken: Komaba can speak Russian!

Komaba: It’s thanks to Alexandra-san. If you wanna work here, being able to speak Russian is a huge help.

Hachiken: It would’ve been nice to learn some Russian. I was shocked that nobody spoke English here.

Komaba: And the language of sports is universal!

Exclamations in Russian: Yeah!! Alright!!

[page 11]

Hachiken: How popular is baseball in Russia?

Komaba: It’s not at all. If I was born here, I coulda gone to Koushien. Just tell the kids a couple stories about forkballs and the Carps, and they’re immediately hooked. I said I would teach them how to play and the parents cleared the land into a baseball field.

Hachiken: It’s a Field of Dreams. Like an oversized Ezono.

Komaba: Speaking of Ezono, Sakuragi-sensei went to a lot of trouble to help me secure my place here in Russia.

Hachiken: Same here, it’s all thanks to Sakuragi-sensei that I was able to find network connections for pig-raising.

Hachiken: Komaba, do you have your own ranch here yet?

Komaba: That’s the plan right now. But there’s still a lot here yet to be developed. Setting up a grain loading operation near Vladivostok, establishing shipping routes with Hokkaido, I think these projects are all pretty cool.

[page 12]

Komaba: We can provide Hokkaido with cheaper animal feed, and Hokkaido can provide us with resources and agricultural equipment. A land filled with so much potential, only 1500km away from my hometown. Something this interesting, who wouldn’t wanna try their hand at developing it?

Hachiken: You’re not scared of failure?

Komaba: Nothing will move forward if you don’t even try.

[page 13]

Komaba: Our ancestors were the same when they pioneered Hokkaido. Thinking about it that way gives me courage. (Foul ball!) That being said, the people here won’t sell their land to a foreigner. If I want to have my own ranch here, first I’ll have to take a Russian bride.

Hachiken: Really! Komaba is marrying a Russian girl!

Komaba: What about you? (Kids: Strike out!)

Hachiken: Wat

Komaba: Aren’t you thinking about marrying Aki?

Hachiken: Eh...!! We’re still students...!! And I gotta think about Aki’s feelings too, what kind of nonsense are you spouting!! Even though things have been going well!!

Komaba: Shuddup…

[page 14]

Hachiken: ….“Hachiken Aki” and “Mikage Yuugo”, Which do you think sounds better?

Komaba: “Mikage Yuugo” definitely has a better rhythm to it.

Hachiken: Yeah, I thought so too.

Komaba: Hey, you guys are happy together, that’s all that matters.

Hachiken: Regardless, my pasture-raised pig business hasn’t even taken off yet, so marriage is out of the question right now.

Komaba: As expected, you wanna do everything too properly.

Hachiken: I need to get my accreditation from the university for food hygiene management, then I’ll be able to build my own private processing plant, Hmm, how many years is that going to take… …

[page 15]

Komaba: Just work on getting your pig-raising business up and running successfully for now.

Hachiken: Eh?

(Russian) Kid: Ichiro’s friend, come play with us too! Kid: Isn’t it boring to just watch?

Hachiken: Huh? What’s this, what this? What, me?

Komaba: Go hit a few. They think everyone from Japan is good at baseball.

Hachiken: As if. But I should be able to hit some balls if I’m playing with kids… I can’t make a proper stance wearing these shoes anyway, I’ll just take it ea~sy...

[page 16]

Hachiken: YOU! Hey, what are you playing at!!! As if I’ll be able to hit any of your pitches!!!

Komaba: This is my revenge for the past!

(kids cheering: Ichiro!! Ichiro!!)

Hachiken: You’re totally motioning for a fly-ball, please just let me lose!!

[page 17]

Hachiken: … I wanna go back to Japan… Man at the net: Ball.

Komaba: You’re not going anywhere!

Hachiken: Why did we come all the way to Russia just to play baseball? Man at the net: Ball.

Komaba: I know right. To think that a certain somebody had no~idea what they wanted to do in the future when they were a first-year in high school. Why do you raise pigs?

Hachiken: How should I know!! Why are you asking this!! Also, wasn’t it you that called me over to Russia because you needed me!!

Komaba: Ah, right, right.

(Russian) Kid: It’s a homerun!! Kid: So cool!!

[page 18]

Komaba: Hachiken. Come raise your pigs in Russia.

Hachiken: Hah?

Komaba: Nice-- that’s a strike! I’ve been following Ookawa-san’s social media. Your pigs, the annual yield has been increasing quite steadily.

[page 19]

Komaba: To be able to produce that yield in a cold climate pasture, it’s a testament to how hard you’ve worked. Here in Russia, Despite the demand for meat, there are very few guys out here raising livestock. If you wanna get in on it, now’s the time.

Hachiken: … …You trying to pull a scam here?

Komaba: Does it really sound like that? To tell you the truth, if you want to raise livestock, this place is literally El Dorado.

Hachiken: If it’s that good, get the local people here to do it!

[page 20]

Hachiken: Hyah!! Man at the net: Strike!

Komaba: Didn’t I say just now, that I wanted to create a connection between Russia and Hokkaido. You’ll stay over there in Otaru, and I’ll be here in Vladivostok.

Hachiken: So you’re not a scammer! You’re the mafia!

Komaba: Refuse and I’ll break you.

Hachiken: You have no right to be teaching baseball to these poor Russian kids!!!

Komaba: I am Ichiro of the Far East.

Hachiken: Ichiro wouldn’t do something like this!!

Komaba: I’m kidding about breaking you, but I’m serious about the rest.

Hachiken: Do you have proof that this is even profitable!?

[page 21]

Komaba: Nope.

Hachiken: Oi!!!

Komaba: Although I don’t, I think it’ll be interesting to team-up with Hachiken. Let’s do it together.

Hachiken: Eh!?

[page 22]

Hachiken: Why did the ball just now drop like that!?

Komaba: Yes, that’s three strikes!! My victory!!

Hachiken: Ah~~~ I’m conflicted~~~~~

Komaba: Well, I guess that’s true. You’ve got your own life to live.

Hachiken: I’m really~ So conflicted~~~ … You know, I, made a promise long ago to never be the guy that would deny someone of their dream.

[page 23]

Komaba: Ah ha ha! That’s you, all right.

Hachiken: Also, raising pigs on such a wide area of land could be interesting… !!

Komaba: Then it’s decided.

Hachiken: Don’t just say that!

Komaba: Japan’s large-scale industry and greenhouse vegetable industry players are already making moves here.

Hachiken: Ah-- and there’s already talk going around about “growing vegetables with pig manure”, so we’ll have a finger in that pie too…. …No, wait, wait!

(Russian) Kid: What are they chatting about? Kid: Hurry up and tell us too--

Hachiken: Eh? What? Ah! You want me to get out of the batter box? Sorry, sorry!

[page 24]

Komaba: ?

Kid (Russian): Okay!

Hachiken: Whew-- gesturing successful! Oi, Komaba!!

[page 25]

Hachiken: Let’s go again, we’ll decide it with the next ball!!

Komaba: … Hah?

Hachiken: If I hit it, everything before doesn’t count! Komaba, if you win this one, As GINSAJI’s representative, I’ll consider this opportunity more closely!!

Komaba: Are you supposing that, I’ll go easy on you?

[page 26]

Komaba: … …Of course. How will ya know if ya don’t try.

Hachiken: All right Komaba, gimme your best shot!!

Komaba: Since you’re getting serious now, I’ll have to get serious too!!

[page 27]

Hachiken: Are you kidding me! Can’t you go easy on me just a little!!

Komaba: Shut up!! Next up, forkball!! You’ve been warned!!

Hachiken: Please just throw in a straight line!! Kyaaaaaa--

[page 28]

Student: Sensei-- Actually, I was thinking about starting my own business.

Sakuragi: Eh! What type of work?

Student: I love to cook and eat tomato-based recipes, so I want to use the tomatoes that we’ve been growing at home to start a restaurant! … But, people around me say that starting a business right out of high school is pretty impossible, I should probably wait until I mature a bit more…

Sakuragi: Oh! This tomato is delicious!

Student: Right? The harvest from this year came out just as I imagined it!

Sakuragi: Hm. Starting a business after high school. You may face some difficulties indeed. I understand why the people around you are worried.

[page 29~30]

Sakuragi: And it’s difficult for me to advise you on this as well… -- Is what I would have said a few years back! Among the students that I’ve taught over the years, there once was a guy who was a runaway from the regular high school examination track; he had come to Ezono with zero goals. The minute he set foot on campus, he suffered one hardship after another. He joined the equestrian club after he was invited by a female classmate. Didn’t even have the guts to drop out. He’d never made pizza once, but endeavored to do it in stride. He christened a pig and cared for it with so much love, that when he cooked and ate its meat he bawled his eyes out. During his part-time job, he wasted a ton of milk and bawled his eyes out again. Snuck out of his dorm in the middle of the night and got slapped with toilet duty. Found a dog in the middle of the school and started to take care of it. Couldn’t refuse anybody’s request and overworked himself so hard, He ended up getting sick on the day of the school festival and couldn’t participate. Borrowed money from his friends and bumbled his way onto a ship bound for Russia.

Other teachers: He didn’t board the ship. He didn’t board it.

[page 31]

Sakuragi: He is the record-holder for the lowest score ever recorded at the Interhigh Equestrian tournament. He suddenly decided in December of his 3rd year that he would attempt the university entrance exam. Started dating the girl that he liked but never got her father’s approval.

Students: Wow, just hearing about this guy makes me anxious… Didn’t even get the father’s approval…

(T/N: sorry, I don’t remember their names edits plz) Teacher: Oh, and don’t forget the boarding house explosion incident. Teacher: Right, right!

Students: What a scary guy.

Student: … and this person graduated without any issues?

Sakuragi: He did indeed. Apart from all of the above, he also started his own business while he was a student.

[page 32]

Sakuragi: And he’s the reason why all of you get to have such a leisurely pizza party like this, every year. If you’re interested in hearing more,

Let me tell you the story of the many different seeds that this man has sown.

#gin no saji #silver spoon #manga translation #hachiken yuugo #komaba ichiro #銀の匙 #t #spoilers #silver spoon 131

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pellicano-sanguino · 5 years ago

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Now that Kurenai Yuzuru's taidan is drawing closer, I wanted to write something short about some of the roles she's done that I have fond memories of.

These are mostly from Reon's era, since most of my Hoshigumi shows are from that time. I need to see more shows from Kurenai's own top star run.

Mercutio from Romeo&Juliette 2010

This was the first zuka show I saw, and still my favourite show to this day. I could go into all the details about how I love this musical, but now I'm just going to mention the casting. It was perfect. Everyone got a role that fit their acting style perfectly. Kurenai was a natural Mercutio, the best one I've ever seen. She nailed Merkku's immaturity, playfulness and – most importantly in my opinion – his recklessness.

Memorable scenes are Mercutio's song number when he tempts his Montague buddies to go with him to crash the Capulet's party, him and the boys bullying Nurse, confronting Romeo after hearing the news about his wedding (I was quite shocked to see Mercutio threaten Romeo with honor violence, claiming he's going to slit his throat if he won't give up Juliette) and the fight scene followed by Mercutio's death including a final song of ”goodbye friends and PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!”

I admit, I don't usually care for it when zuka gives a dying character one final song that they sing in weak, slow voice, milking the tragedy for all the drama its worth. It often fails to be sad and just feels cheesy and soap operaish. But I found the song of dying Mercutio very touching, when I saw the scene for the first time I cried real tears. Despite the language barrier, Kurenai managed to reach to me with her voice and her acting and make me shed tears for Mercutio's death.

Sid from Officer and Gentleman

Officer and Gentleman isn't the kind of movie I'd thought would get a zuka adaptation and yet it exists. Zuka is very clearly targeted for women and this movie is more for the male audience. I know it has a romance and is therefore regarded as a love story but in my opinion this flick is more like a coming-of-age story about the character growth the male lead goes through (also, it oozes toxic masculinity, a thing more common in films for men). Anyway, the zuka version is actually a pretty good show. Ouki Kaname totally steals every scene she's in. But today I'm here to talk about Kurenai.

Kurenai is probably best known for her talent in comedy. Sometimes I've heard people say that's the only kind of shows she should do and that always made me sad, because Kurenai isn't a one trick pony trapped to do only one character type. I have been very impressed at her talent in playing sensitive men. Many otokoyaku roles rely on strong and cool male image, but Kurenai sometimes gets roles that let her show emotions, the men she plays are allowed to be vulnerable. Sid is one of these. Sid is young and a bit naive and makes stupid decisions, but when he thinks he's done a mistake, he is ready to take responsibility of it. The scene where he goes to propose Lynette breaks my heart every time. That look on his face when he finds out he's been lied to, it just hits me right in the feels. There is something so naturally charming and lovable in Kurenai that seeing her characters get hurt makes me feel awful. Like, no, don't do this to her!

Karenin from Anna Karenina

I have not read this book, but its one of my mother's favourites, so we watched this show together and she pointed me all the things that she thought zuka had adapted well and the parts that they had changed. She was especially impressed with Kurenai's Karenin. According to my mother, the character of Karenin is often done quite poorly in other adaptations of the book, he is often portrayed as just a onesided, simple man who's a little dumb and doesn't have much depth of character. Much like Sid, Kurenai's Karenin is allowed to show his emotions and not be just a boring, stoic figure who reacts to his wife's affair with mild disinterest. There is kindness in Karenin, it's not always easy to see, but it's there. He lost his own parents and a brother that was dear to him, and because he remembers how horrible it is to be alone and lose your family, he adopts Anna's and Vronsky's child, not wanting her to be left alone.

Antonio from Tale of Coimbra

I have opinions concerning this show. Namely, I think it misses a golden opportunity to put the zuka trope of reunion of lovers in the afterlife to proper use. Big part of the Coimbra legend are the coffins of Pedro and Inez being placed so that when they rise in Doomsday, the first thing they see is each others' faces. And zuka just had to go and twist the story so that Inez doesn't die (and they don't even get a happy ending despite that! Poor Pedro, he just can't win.). Also, very, very disappointed at the lack of Corpse Queen and tearing out assassin-Makaze's heart with a line ”You broke my heart, therefore you have none!”

Ahem. Sorry about the rant. Anyway, Kurenai is in this musical. He plays a guy named Antonio, who is... umm... I think a pirate or a robber or something along those lines. The group of robbers/pirates gets made into scapegoats for Inez's murder, and Pedro, Pimenta, assassin-Makaze and some soldiers mercilessly slaughter them all. Kurenai's role gets very little stage time, but I wanted to mention this role, because I was very impressed with her stage swordplay skills. I don't know if I should credit the director for this, or if Kurenai did some research of her own, but her legwork is strong and sometimes I can even identify the poses she makes as part of real swordplay moves.

Warrior seeking to fight with Reon, from Takarazuka Floral Dance Scrolls

This is my favourite nihonmono revue. The music, the dancing and the costumes are all great. In one of the numbers Kurenai plays a warrior who doesn't get along with another warrior, played by Reon. I don't know what their beef is about, Kurenai just hates Reon's guts and sends ninjas to ambush him when he's spending time flirting with local ladies. Reon being Reon, he defeats all the ninjas and makes a daring escape with courtesan-Nene. They are heading towards a river, intending to ride a boat to safety, but by the riverside Kurenai confronts them. Holding his sword he opens his arms like inviting Reon for a hug. Come at me bro! And so they fight, doing the samurai slash thing where time freezes after they've struck at each other and then the one who lost slowly falls. The one who falls is Kurenai, and Reon and Nene proceed to their romantic boatride.

This number has left an impression on me, because I think the nihonmono look suits Kurenai really well. She made a very handsome and cool-looking warrior.

Shibata Rihito from Mei-chan's Butler

Takarazuka and shoujo manga have walked hand in hand since the days of BeruBara Boom and even before, inspiring each other. Every now and then zuka does a show based on a manga. This one, unfortunately, is based on a manga I have never read and therefore I had no idea what was going on during most of this musical. But I still found it rather entertaining (the prop work sure was something different, with weird video projections, shadow theater and parachuting puppets). I admit, the many colourful side characters steal the show from Kurenai quite often, being wilder and weirder than her character is. I will have to give special mention to Makaze's evil butler, I love it when Makaze plays villains. But at the end, this is Kurenai's show. She was a very dashing butler.

Memorable scenes include a weird, artsy, dream-like interpretive dance scene where the shadow theater is put to good use for * symbolism *.

Because I haven't read the manga, I have no idea what is going on here. My bet is on drugs.

Also among the memorable scenes is the fencing. I still think Kurenai is pretty good with a sword.

I need to come up with name for this trope, where the opponents lock their swords for a while to glare at each other and chat.

Bourguignon from Second Fortuitous Meeting

Many zuka comedies are wasted on me because so many of the jokes are language based and I still don't understand much Japanese. But this one I liked very much. Admittedly, I got to read a translation once, so this time I got the jokes, but even ignoring the spoken jokes, it's just a really fun show. Every character was fantastic, Kurenai's role as a manservant forced to fake being his own master included. Her talent in comedy is very strong, she masters small things like the tone of her voice, the expressions of her face and simple bodylanguage and makes her character absolutely hilarious. I have noticed that one character pair zuka shows tend to have is pairing a cool and serious master with a sassy, loud, no-filter-between-brains-and-mouth servant, who works as a comedic relief softening the seriousness of their master. In a show like Second Fortuitous Meeting, where everyone is sassy, loud and has no filter between brains and mouth, Kurenai needs to tone her comedy up quite a bit so that Bourguignon will appear even funnier than his master.

Most memorable scene is Bourguignon sitting down in protest like a misbehaving infant when Dorante demands they leave.

This show got a sequel. It was just as fun as the first one, even though this time I had no translation and so had very little clue what was going on. Something involving a pumpkin thief.

Beniko and Reon's father from REON!!

Otokoyaku in drag for comedy reasons is quite a common thing in zuka, and usually I find it as amusing as real men in drag (in other words, not very). But I adore Beniko. The reason why her comedy works is that the joke isn't just putting otokoyaku in drag, Beniko is a carefully designed sketch character. Her costume, her curls that she constantly keeps shoving back over her shoulders, the way she speaks (this has to be some sort of dialect, I swear), she is just incredibly funny. I don't think I can properly explain why I find her so amusing, after all I don't even understand what she says. There's just something about Beniko that always makes me smile.

There was also a number where Reon sang about her family. Makaze and Kurenai played her parents. Makaze made a very charming Japanese beauty in her apron (I usually don't like it when they make her wear dresses, but here she looked so natural it suited her well). She had to bend her knees a little to appear shorter than Kurenai. Kurenai as Reon's father was weird looking, with thick eyebrows that made him look like a comic character. But he was a very sweet father, eagerly making faces and shaking a rattle at baby Reon, and smiling even when the fighting kids accidentally poured a tea kettle on him. I've always felt that Makaze and Kurenai had great chemistry together and seeing them play a married couple was adorable.

Gemini from Etoile de Takarazuka

Again, putting otokoyaku in drag isn't fun if you don't give her character. Well, in this revue Kurenai had to put her skills to the test by switching between two characters several times during the same number. The split-personality Gemini suffered from manic-depressive behavious.

The female side was happy and giddy and optimistic (”Everybody loves me, I'm so pretty, and so witty, I'm so gay!”)

...and the male half was gloomy and depressed and had no self-esteem (”Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms...”).

I have to respect her for managing these quick switches between otokoyaku and onnayaku, cheerful and gloomy, the changing between characters was done smoothly.

Also, I want that dress... suit... costume... thing... I want that dresssuitcostumething. I would wear it to every dance ball ever.

Frederic de Marmont from Napoleon

This show had a ton of characters, many of them quite colourful ones, and unfortunately Marmont was often left as only the observer of things happening around him (well, the story is being told by him, so it kinda fits). Nevertheless I think Kurenai was very handsome in the uniform, and I think Marmont got some important scenes. He knew Napoleon from the military school and there's a song number where he voices concern for his friend's endless thirst for more victories. In the end, he is the one who decides to surrender Paris, understanding that it's madness to keep fighting and lose more lives when losing the battle can no longer be avoided.

The part I remember Kurenai most in this show is actually from the minirevue. She dances a rather romantic dance with Makaze. I will say it again, these two had great chemistry together.

Philippe from Sun King

I know there are probably only like a handful of fans who like this show besides me, but I loved it. I've always been a sucker for French imported musicals in zuka. This show is another example of good casting, everyone gets a character that no one else would have done as well as they have. Kurenai, being the best there is at comedy, gets the comedic relief character Philippe the gay-tailed pheasant, who also shows to the audience how the royals and nobles lived in a fantasy bubble completely separated from real life. She gets three songs and she sings them well. I haven't mentioned it before now, but I really like Kurenai's voice. It's a very recognisable, charming, unique voice. I also have to show respect at how easily and naturally she wears the gaudiest costumes. This show has some really ridiculous costume designs for the nobles to show how separate they are from common folks, but Kurenai wears hers with pride. I can almost picture her looking at a costume desing and being like ”Wow that is the ugliest thing I've ever seen, when can I try it on?”

Percy Blakeney from Scarlet Pimpernel

When Reon and Nene graduated, my star also left Hoshigumi and I followed her to a new home troupe, so I haven't seen that many Hoshigumi shows after Reon's era. But when I saw that they were going to make Scarlett Pimpernel, I had to get it. I had seen Kurenai perform Percy as a shinko role and I thought she was brilliant even then.

Of course I was going to use screenshots of the fencing scene. What else did you expect?

Once when I was sick and couldn't even read books, just rest, I borrowed some audio books from the library. This is how I was introduced to Scarlet Pimpernel. I liked the audio book a lot, especially the menacing, raspy voice they gave to Chauvelin. I was delighted to discover one of the first stories to use the idea of a masked hero. Men who like Batman are not allowed to make fun of me for liking Scarlet Pimpernel.

Scarlet Pimpernel is such an entertaining story and Percy is such a charming hero, saving innocents and having fun while doing it. I like Kiriya Hiromu's Percy a lot too, but Kurenai's is my favourite. She really gets into the character and makes a very lovely Percy. Having to wear disguises in this show, she once again shows her ability to fit into all deliciously awful outfits (like the suits they wear to the party held by the prince of Wales). But even out of disguises, I've got to admit Percy's got style. I also obviously adored the sword dance in the mini revue. Kurenai's Percy brings a smile to my face whenever he's on screen. This is probably the role I will remember her most from.

I will miss Kurenai terribly. Whatever she decides to do after leaving Takarazuka, I wish her good luck and happiness as thanks for all the times she brought me lauhter, tears and joy.

#takarazuka #hoshigumi #kurenai yuzuru

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vulpinmusings · 5 years ago

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Ski’tar and Friends part 15: Hidden Truth

This week, Ski’tar, 6, and Vemir head into the shielded insect city to learn the mysteries of planet Elytrio

To the start

Previously

Archive

Before we left the Husk hive, we traded some basic information with Klarima so we would know what to expect in the city and so she could introduce us properly. Klarima’s people called themselves the Membrane Gebrani, while our tribal cockroach-y hosts were called the Husk Gebrani. The two peoples were evolutionary offshoots of the same ancestors, with the Husks having lost the ability to fly while the Membrane retained it. Klarima credited the divergence to the influence of the local Mother God, Taloo, saying her people were chosen and blessed while the Husks were outcasts. She clearly looked down on the Husks as objectively inferior, but she held no malice toward them and was grateful that they had found her wounded by a kind of razor-sharp tumbleweed and bandaged her up.

Klarima was amazed that 6, Vemir, and I were all completely different species despite us not looking at all alike. When I explained the differences between android 6 and my simpler drone, Klarima declared it must be just like the difference between Membrane and Husk Gebrani. She understood the idea of space travel, but it was something beyond her people’s current abilities.

With the introductions out of the way, we prepared to leave, only to be stopped momentarily by the Husks so they could bestow some gifts on us for taking down the big lizard. The gifts consisted of three vials of a substance that I quickly determined had healing properties equivalent to the most basic form of Healing Serum, and one of their rifles, which 6 took.

Captain Navasi called, asking for an update, and I was all too happy to inform them that the locals seemed perfectly friendly and that we had found a guide that would get us into the city.

During the long walk back to the city, Klarima warned us about some of the dangerous flora, particularly the razor-sharp flornettles she’d run into earlier. We encountered one of those rolling across the ground at one point, just when Vemir was being distracted by his own thoughts enough to blunder right into it. It didn’t hurt him too much, but his pride was quite wounded.

We arrived at the border of the city of Archeos as the sun was starting to set. To get us in, Klarima produced an old, clunky datapad and entered a code, although it took a few tries for the signal to actually be received and processed correctly and open a hole in the force-field large enough for us to pass through. Archeos was definitely a city designed by creatures capable of flight. All the Gebrani that we saw were flying as they went about their business, and the tower buildings had absolutely no doors on the ground level. The only things on the ground with us were automated drones sweeping up garbage. The city’s artistic architecture gleamed, but on closer inspection we saw many signs of deterioration, especially down on our level.

Before we got too far, we were stopped by a bunch of Gebrani dressed in guard uniforms. They wanted to throw us out on principle for not being Membrane Gebrani, and Klarima’s attempts to persuade them that we should be treated as guests didn’t go over well. Fortunately, Vemir managed to sweet-talk them into giving us a chance, and after some heated whispering with Klarima, the guards agreed to take us to their leaders, the Most Elevated, for closer consideration.

The Elevated’s tower was in the center of the city, naturally, and the closest entrance to the ground was eighty feet up, four times as high as Sixers or my Jump Jets could lift us. Klarima solved the problem with her datapad, summoning several table-sized cargo-hauling drones that we would need to balance on. The drones seemed stable enough at first, but they accelerated to dangerously high speeds as they rose, and just as we reached the top, Vemir’s ride suddenly glitched out and fell back down. The drone managed to reboot before impact, but it was a lot slower coming up the second time and Vemir needed a second to find the courage to stop holding it in a death-grip and hop across the gap into the tower.

The five Elevated were sitting at a long table in what had probably once been a throne room with a tall dais in the back. They were quicker to accept us than the guards had been, and we traded information with them again. We learned that the planet had been ravaged by a terrible war, although the Gebrani couldn’t tell us many details since it had been so long ago that the Gap – that mysterious event that had wiped several centuries of history across the whole galaxy – obscured everything except the end, and the city’s survival was credited entirely to Taloo.

I started to get the feeling that the Gebrani weren’t really on the same level as the city’s technology anymore, and when the dinner bell rang my suspicions were confirmed in the most unappetizing way possible. Feeding time for the Gebrani seemed to dissolve all social boundaries, as the Elevated, Klarima, the guards, and we three all sat at the same table and were served by drones. The food was presented as being a delicacy provided by Taloo herself, but it looked like anything but. It was a jumble of unidentifiable bits of protein and carapace suspended in a clear, pale gelatin, making the whole thing look more like the contents of an old deep fryer that had just been cleaned for the first time in years than a dish fit for a goddess. I poked my serving for several seconds, trying in vain to determine precisely what it was and whether it was fit for Ysoki consumption, while Vemir dared to actually take a bite out of common courtesy and barely managed to keep it down. Sixer evidently decided not to claim that androids didn’t need to eat (which I’m sure the Gebrani would’ve believed), instead opting to sneak his portion onto the plate of the guard sitting next to him.

With the Gebrani starting to look agitated that I wasn’t eating, I decided to try and get it over with and took a huge bite for experimental reasons, with the intention of just storing the rest in my cheek pouches for later, discreet disposal. Sadly, my stomach violently protested to the meat gel, which somehow tasted a hundred time worse than it looked, and I had to quickly improvise a theory that Taloo never intended for Ysoki and Gebrani to subsist on the same kind of food while making sure none of my innards had evacuated along with the food.

I thought we were in the clear after that, but then the drone brought out seconds and our hosts insisted we keep eating. As I paled at the thought of putting any more of that gunk into my body, even just my cheeks, the lights suddenly went out and my group quickly seized the opportunity. I opened my drone up and stuffed my servings inside, taking care not to short anything out and swearing to erase the moment from the drone’s memory banks later so it wouldn’t resent me when I eventually upgraded its AI. From the sound of things, Vemir was agilely darting to the nearest window to throw his mess out, and when I looked up I saw him grinding on a banister to make back to his seat in time. 6 Just tried to throw his plate as far away as he could, and accidentally hit one of the guards in the face. Oddly, that didn’t start a fight.

When the lights came back up, the drones returned with a third course, but everyone ignored it until the cleaning drones took it away again. We asked what had happened with the lights, and one of the Elevated waved it off as just the city’s mainframe glitching. It did that all the time; it was nothing to worry about. When we pressed the issue, we were told that the mainframe’s building was taboo; no Gebrani was permitted inside. Worried that the blackout was a symptom of a larger problem that could potentially destroy the city before the Starfinders could contact Elytrio again, we pointed out that we were not Gebrani and thus shouldn’t be subject to the taboo. The Elevated were initially unsure, but after some discussion they decided it might be ok for us to go inside. They arranged some quarters for us so we could get a little rest before tackling the problem.

We called Navasi to update him on our progress and assure him that we could get out of the city if things went wrong, and he told us the ship was ready to go whenever we were. So, we slept easy.

The mainframe building was located at the outskirts of town, on the opposite side from where we’d come in, and in a neighborhood that was more run-down than anyplace else. There were no Gebrani around except our guide, Klarima, just lots and lots of drones going in and out of the mainframe. Klarima confided that she was curious about what was inside and asked us to tell her on the down-low when we got back, and flew off. As the group approached the mainframe, we saw signs that we couldn’t read and realized that Klarima’s translation spell had worn off, so we had to track her down again and mime for her to refresh the magic. I didn’t want to have to try and translate Geberani on the fly while also dealing with whatever security protocols would be on the mainframe.

Finally getting inside, we walked through a long, dirty garage containing many kinds of drones, including an orbital defense platform like the one we’d had to fight up in orbit. Nothing bothered us, though, and we made it into the mainframe itself. The antechamber was white and spotless, and there were several white coveralls hanging on one wall. The door forward didn’t open when Sixer tried it, so he gave it a harder shove and activated a security trap: tesla coils behind the grates. I ran over to the terminal and, by luck, found that the code Klarima used to open the city force-field also deactivated the traps before they got warmed up and unlocked the door.

The next room contained four waist-high power generators and four pillars covered in electronic coils. The pillar in the northeast corner had a blinking red light, and when I investigated I found that one of the coils had come loose. I re-seated it, and the system went through a reboot. The lights came back up steadier and brighter, all lights were green, and two Gebrani-shaped security robots emerged from the walls to kill the intruders.

My first move was to activate the energy shield I’d been tinkering with and try to take cover behind the nearest generator, while my drone did its usual thing to little effect on the north-side robot. Vemir got his trusty sniper rifle out and caused serious damage to the south-bot, while 6 tried out his new Husk rifle, only for it to jam. North-bot grabbed Sixer by the head and slammed him into the wall, while south-bot tried to hit us while strafing across the room. I fired at the south-bot, melting its head a little, while 6 tried to clear his rifle and avoid north-bot while my drone continued to shoot it. South-bot strafed again, hitting Vemir and my drone, and ended up close to my position, so I decided to give my plasma lash a second try. The lash had done nothing to the lizard, but it proved capable of cutting the old security robot in half with a single swing (or at least, to finish the job Vemir’s bullet had started). 6 resorted to his sword to fend the north-bot off, while Vemir landed a devastating snipe shot on it, prompting it to strafe across the room, hit my two friends, and right into the range of my plasma lash. One swing left north-bot splitting in half as well, and decided I would keep the lash after all.

We proceeded to the last room of the mainframe, which proved to a long, narrow room full of server racks and a single console. Hacking into the mainframe with ease, I found centuries of historical data and pictures that gave us a clear story of Elytrio unclouded by myth.

As we’d figured, the planet had once been lush and green. There had been a great war, but the Gap obscured the cause. After the Gap, there were records of cults to a bloodthirsty war god dominating the Gebrani culture and escalating the war all the way to nuclear annihilation. Only the city of Archeos survived thanks to the force-field, but it was unable to support all the survivors living inside. The city leaders decided to address this issue by staging several disasters and pinning them on the people’s lack of faith. The leaders had invented the goddess Taloo and proclaimed that she would bless anyone who was willing to leave the city and live out in the radioactive wastes. Those who left and survived the radiation developed into the Husks, flightless and primitive, while the privileged few who were permitted to stay in the city became the Membrane and had been steeped in a religion that encouraged them to stay put and stagnate.

6 hypothesized that the mainframe had been declared taboo to prevent any Gebrani from discovering these history records, and after a brief discussion we decided it wouldn’t do them any good to learn the truth just yet. The city was still sitting on the edge of ruin, and trying to convince the membrane that they were the descendants of self-serving liars and not blessed by a goddess would likely either lead to mayhem or us getting thrown out on our ears. We’d have to report all this to the Starfinder Society and let the higher-ups decide if and how to help Elytrio recover. I copied the highlights of the history logs, along with several relevant pictures, and some information on the planet’s orbital defenses and the city’s drone technology. For good measure, I set up a new lock code on the server room to prevent any potential taboo-breaking Gebrani from getting to the computer before they were ready to learn the truth.

Klarima met us as we left the mainframe, and we told her the cover story: the mainframe didn’t appear especially holy to us, but there were places we couldn’t get into because Taloo probably didn’t think anyone was ready for what was inside. We had fixed what was wrong, though, so the blackouts should stop. Klarima seemed satisfied, and agreed to relay what we’d learned to the Elevated. She was understanding when we said we needed to report to our own leaders and expressed hope that we would be able to come back some day.

It would probably be nice to visit Elytrio again, but only after they’ve had more exposure to the wider galaxy and learned to make proper food.

Klarima opened the force-field so we could leave, and we reported back to the ship and set off for home.

#ski'tar #Starfinder #Vulpin plays

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artisticvicu · 6 years ago

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Weekly Short Story | Part 3 - Only Hope

[first]

[prev]

"So what now?"

He looked over at the male twin finding everyone except for the female twin was looking at him. He still wasn't sure why he got put in charge. "We chat somewhere more private." He started down the winding street aiming for the city's street. "Come on."

He purposely walked slower than he normally would have. He had grown up with this route ingrained into his every fiber before he could even walk properly. He knew what pace the locals walked and what pace the tourists walked. It wasn't hard to suddenly be the only people for a stretch.

He looked back at the pair of taller twins, his gaze going from the female to the male. "How good is your top hearing?"

The female twin cocked an eyebrow as the other offered, "We can make out the conversations beneath us, behind us, and above us quite clearly."

"And you two have wings, right?" The male twin nodded. He looked to the female twin. "The wind should keep you aloft enough for you to hear well enough. If conversations lull in a way that suggests listening, alert your twin but do try to stay in your human form as best as you can. If I can keep from informing any onlookers to you two quite yet, the better. I trust this is a simple task?"

The female twin fell back as white wings solidified into existence on their back. The wings were massive but any aviary expert would be able to tell they were swan wings, if just larger than normal. With calm steps, the female twin walked to the cliff edge of the road and stepped off. Sure enough those large wings outstretched caught the updraft of warm air easily and the female twin was a good few stories above their heads in a matter of seconds.

"And are you able to communicate well enough without making it obvious?" he verified with the male twin.

Said male twin made an odd gesture before offering him a smile. "Quite well. She will let me know if she believes we'll be overheard. Currently she is the center of attention. As are you but it is all speculation conversation, nothing speaking of listening in."

The thin silver chain finally finished forming. It glistened like none other, a clear indicator that the vicu currently flying over their heads was indeed claimed. He wrapped a careful hand around the delicate chain. "Then keep a hold of her tether. It is not meant to keep her in place and will break under even a harmless pull."

Again, the male twin's hand twitched oddly. He knew it was a form of sign language, he wasn't dense, but it seemed far too abrupt and minute to be of any use from that distance.

Another thought came to mind. "Can anyone understand your sign language?"

The male twin's smile grew mischievous. "My sister and I created our own sign language long before I could speak. Our gestures don't have any direct translation so learning any bit of it is near impossible. We do know the common sign as well as the alterations predominant in Shendo and Lihita. We've found this one to simply be more effective."

He nodded. "And safer, since you can't be read."

The male twin dipped their head, the grin settling back into a smile. "What is the plan once we reach the city?"

He focused back on the road before them. "We go into the city's heart. The best place to start looking for your missing shifter will be the slaver's market if not the underground market itself."

"The underground market?"

He shrugged. "The slaver's market's black market of sorts. Most of the exotics get sent to the underground market because their either illegal, have a better chance of fetching a higher price there, or are being looked for. Most buyers in the underground market don't want to be associated with the market or its goods and so can the sellers. If I was a seller, I would definitely take your missing shifter there for two of those reasons if not all three. Seeing as I don't know how rare your shifter's kind is, that may be another reason."

The snake on the human girl's shoulders puffed up as best a snake could. "What other reason?" it demanded.

He gave it a flat look. "Rarity." He focused on the road again. "The more rare it is, the more narrow the audience. Higher buyers will go to the underground market looking for specifics. If you know where to sell, you get a better chance of finding a buyer. If you know what buyers with large wallets are looking for, the better the profit is for the seller."

The male twin covered the snake's head as it reared up to spit something else out. "So where is this underground market."

He shook his head. "It can't be located by conventional means. I've only been there twice and both times were through locations at opposite ends of the map. The underground market is known for hosting auctions in other countries, even. It's not called the underground market for nothing."

"Subterranean locations."

He nodded. "As well as under the radar of most governments. The only country slavery is even legal is Meco but most that are bought are slaves kept from escaping through horrible means or are specimen for any sort of thing, from fine dining to all sorts of experiments. That's why the only way to get there is through being a buyer or a seller. Going in as a seller would be easy but I would have to put one of you up for auction and I would rather avoid that for an absolute last resort. I can't promise being able to get any of you back doing that."

"Can you prove to be a buyer, instead?"

He smirked. "I have a pair of rare, twin vicu and a human girl well tended claimed as mine. They won't ask for proof until the auction actually starts. There's a viewing before hand of some of the merchandise. If I can convince them well enough of my intentions, then we could be shown this other shifter too if they have one in house."

"And if they're not?"

He shrugged. "We have ears in the market and word of what we're looking for. If nothing else, we'll be informed when another pops up and we can swoop in and save it."

There was a brief silence behind him. Eventually the male twin offered, "We've got curious ears getting closer. We may also have a tail."

There was the sound of wings and he looked back to watch the female twin land. The chain he had made from the vicu's collar was absorbed back into the collar. "Good work. We'll see how good of a tail it is once we reach the busier streets."

For the first time since stating what she was, the human girl spoke up. "We can ditch them in this?"

He glanced back with the intent to answer but it was the sister of the smaller twins that beat him to the punch. "We can, but it may get tricky."

"I can keep an eye on them?" the brother offered, feet light on the pavement as he seemed to grow excited.

He narrowed his eyes at them. "What are you two going on about?"

The set of smaller twins looked ready to answer but the male twin put a hand on their heads. Said male twin gained both sets of curious eyes. "Later. When we're not being observed. We're getting too close to strangers for it to be safe."

The male twin was right. They had one last bend in the road that led directly into the city and there were people loitering near the edge of the road they were going to be passing.

"Keep an eye on what you can, Dynasty. Destiny, don't get lost in possibilities."

The set of twins nodded. The male twin moved their touch from head to shoulder but did not let go of either twin after that. A part of him wondered the full explanation as the smaller set of twins gained expressions that made him think they were exhausted, bored, or zoned out. He had read their files, hadn't he? They had some sort of ability, right?

The city came up and swallowed them as quickly as the market had. Here the variety of clothing was far less compared to the market but still plentiful. His attire alone would only stand out minutely compared to the tourists that wandered around. The rest of his companions, though, stood out sharper than he did.

It took about fifteen minutes for him to decide it was to their benefit and to their downfall in equal parts.

He stopped at the window of a popular shop, taking in the attire on display. The male twin - ever skilled at their roll - stepped up without his beckoning. He turned, softly pulling on the human girl's collar. Her eyes widened but she obediently walked up to him as he muttered to the male twin, "How much credit do you have on you?"

The female twin had moved to block him from view of the street and his fretting of the human girl's attire had his back to the window enough to hide his lips from there as well. The male twin looked down at him but kept the conversation discrete. "Enough. What are you thinking?"

"We need to ditch our tail and get you all better clothes. You're going to stand out enough as it is. I don't want to draw attention again if I can help it."

The male twin hummed and moved to the two Quillians. He gestured for the human girl to turn and she did just that. He went about pretending to care about her garb, feigning considering new clothing styles and the trio spoke so quietly, he couldn't even hear the edges of their voices in the crowd."

The male twin was back as he ran out of things to do to look busy with the human girl. The male twin spoke in turn, "Destiny says entering this shop will lead to us getting into the underground market willingly."

He arched an eyebrow. "Are they certain?"

Which one was Destiny again?

"Very."

It was good enough for him. He turned and entered the shop. Nearly every staff member looked his way and he got the distinct impression he had entered somewhere he shouldn't have but there was no sense of turning back now.

[next]

#All the Creation #Creative and Prompt Writing #RPApril Extravaganza 2019 #Weekly Short Story #3 of 4

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sweetdisabled · 6 years ago

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Guide: Shopping on Taobao with Yoybuy

note: the pictures here will be uncaptioned. i’m sorry about this, but it’s going to get pretty visually heavy!

shopping on taobao is a pretty essential life skill for any lolita or lolita-to-be - and quite frankly it’s also just fun. what can i say, my forefathers stalked the savannah, working on bringing down that wildebeest, and in the same spirit, i stalk one yuan sales. they still sing tales around the campfire about how i got all of those fuzzy socks.

taobao is a marketplace of many different stores. think of it kind of like the ebay marketplace. it is located in china, and stores there largely ship only to other chinese addresses, so you need to use a buying service if you’re not in china yourself. for this guide, we’re going with yoybuy, because i’ve had good success with it and find it easiest to DIY.

first step is to open a browser to do your online shopping. i really like chrome for this because you can set it to automatically use google translate on a page. however, you’re going to want two tabs open before you even get to taobao...

in one tab, google for ‘google translate english to chinese’. google will automatically pop up the english to chinese boxes. we want simplified chinese here (which is usually the default).

also google ‘yuan to usd’ (or insert whatever your local currency is for usd). this will mean you can convert prices easily and readily, with that tab already at the ready.

one more tool and we’ll be ready to actually go to taobao!

when you right-click a webpage in chrome, this is the menu that pops up. we want to pay attention to translate to english here.

most of the time chrome will automatically translate. however, it may need a little push here and then.

with all of these tools ready, we’re finally ready to actually open taobao.com in a new tab.

this is... pretty overwhelming, right? google translate can automatically translate text, not anything in a picture, so it still ends up half-translated. phew. get your bearings a moment, though, and soldier on!

tonight i’ve decided that i could really use some cute hankies to go with a strawberry-themed outfit i’m planning. so, tab over to our english to simplified chinese...

now copy those chinese characters into the search bar on taobao...

it will give you some further suggestions - but let’s keep it pretty general for now. hit ‘submit’, and let’s see what we have.

looks like we’ve lucked out - there are tons of choices!

to get you acquainted with this page, the column on the right is where recommended advertised items show up. these can largely be disregarded. the main block of items will be underneath all of these options at the top.

as you can see we have a lot of different choices we could look into, if we wanted to narrow it down. however, this grey bar is where we have the important stuff.

we can hit the price button to sort things. scroll over it, and we’ll get more options.

since all i got is like three fiddy and some pocket lint - plus i’d rather have a cheaper cotton hankie that i won’t feel guilty about perhaps blowing my nose on - i usually sort price from low to high, so cheapest items are first.

that’s more like it! (7 yuan right now is about a dollar.) now we can browse for what catches our eye. you’ll also see, next to the price, how many people have bought it. under that is the translated name of the product, then the name of the storefront.

i like the looks of this one - properly frilly and fancy! right-click and open it in a new tab so we can keep organized. (that way there’s no getting frustrated if it’s a ‘bust’.)

now we’re on the product’s page in the seller’s store. we can look quickly off to the side for some information about the seller.

this guy’s apparently been selling on taobao for 6 years. the shop is rated out of 5 points in three areas - how accurate the description of their products is, how good their service is, and logistics (which probably covers things like how quickly they ship the products and how well they wrap them up, etc). this guy’s got a 4.8 rating that is rising.

that means we can probably buy from him with some confidence. if you see a store that hasn’t been open for very long, that would be a red flag. same if you have a store with low ratings, or absolutely perfect ratings. if it’s 5.0 across the board, it’s a little too good to be true sometimes! one red flag may not be worth it to stop you in your tracks, but be on the lookout for them, just like you would with any online seller.

and don’t worry about see all baby. google translate likes to think all items on taobao are babies... (it’s a mystery to all of us.)

wading past the translation, it looks like this shop sells a lot of linen goods, especially for the european market.

a really cute tea party vibe, right? :D

this is where we could browse this store more - it’s very cute, after all - but i’d like to maybe make the coordinate a little more specific and cohesive. let’s see if we have any better luck with a more specific search!

when you get more specific with your searches, it means there’s often a lot less items - for example, there’s only one page of search results instead of 15+. but i think we’ve found something that’s perfect!

cute, right? looking at it closer, though, it’s not embroidered, and it’s more of a terrycloth or towel texture. those are two things i’m not really sure about - this is why we open our finds in a new tab.

it does give me a chance to talk about this one thing, though -

sometimes the final price of an item will be hidden unless you’re a ‘VIP’. you can login and make a taobao account if you like - it requires a cell phone with texting, but international cell phones are okay. however, i usually just shrug and go “well, we know it’s somewhere under 9 yuan”.

whatever taobao agent you use will usually be able to get the VIP price for you.

another trick is that if you find an item that you go ‘oh, that’s close, but not quite....’ about, hover over its picture in the search results. you will then get two choices - find the same or find similar. the first option finds the exact same thing, but at other retailers. find similar, well, finds things that are variations on that same thing.

this hankie looks perfect! so... let’s actually buy it!

since taobao sellers largely only ship to people in china, and i’m in america, i can’t just hit that buy now button. this means i need to use an agent - and there are a lot of different choices out there.

i’ve used two so far, largely for ordering BJD stuff and home goods (and some accessories) (largely necklaces... what can i say... i read the words one yuan sale and my eyes light up). taobaospree is a professional outfit that you contact via email. they definitely give you the ‘white glove treatment’. their prices are very fair, and their staff very helpful. if you’re making really big important purchases, or purchases you’re worried about, i’d recommend them.

however, yoybuy is also really good for if you want to park the car yourself and walk instead of handing the keys to the valet, so to speak. i’ve also had really good experiences with them.

for taobaospree, they ask that you just email them a list of what you want with some details - they have a template you can use on their website. but since we’re just buying hankies, let’s use yoybuy.

first things first, we’ll need to sign in. yoybuy offers deals every so often like ten dollars of credit if you register with them, so it’s worth looking out for if you’re about to place an order. (every little bit helps, right?)

once you’ve signed in/signed up, take the url from the item you want...

and copy it into the search box at the top of yoybuy’s website, then click buy now.

yoybuy’s website will then load up all of the item’s information, like this.

now we can just shop as normal! it give you the converted rates of how much each item is, plus the domestic shipping, or how much the shipping will be from the seller to yoybuy. (yoybuy will help calculate the shipping from yoybuy to you later.)

so i’d like 6 total, and i can select the options. just to make things clear, i’ve also said as much in the ‘comments’ box. if something is a little unclear, you can add your comments there to make sure they get the right option.

as you can see this is totally meant for a much wider screen than mine, but it gives you an updating total of what is in your shopping cart.

on the black bar you also have some options like being able to ask for a live chat with someone if you get very confused.

when you’re ready, click ‘buy’. you’ll have a chance to do an overview of all your items before clicking the ‘pay’ button.

as you can see, there’s a couple of options here.

you can pay via a regular visa or mastercard, paypal, or use some other services i’m not familiar with. you can also send money via money transfer (like western union) and have it waiting there in your account.

there’s a service charge which is usually around 4% here. yoybuy themselves charge a fee of 10% for acting as your agent. they don’t ask for all of this up front. you pay in two parts - one is the items and domestic shipping that’s been calculated. they then bundle up all your items and figure out the best way to ship them to you, and you pay the 10% fee to them then.

if you’re initially doing a large order, your bank may balk a bit - so be prepared. for me, it took a text message of them going “uh hey, was this you? because random chinese company charging your credit card 200 dollars looks real sketchy.” and me going “lol it’s ok guys”.

however, in this case, handkerchiefs get!

you will now get an overview page of your order.

each item will have its own line, and you can track how things are going.

the agent will purchase the item for you, then await shipment of it. you can click the chat bubble at any time to chat with the agent to ask them about the state of the item. this is where they’ll also inform you if something is out of stock or if there are any difficulties. you can also ask for them to take a picture to show you, if you want to make sure something is ok before they send it on to you.

as your items come in, you can click the checkbox and get an estimated parcel weight. that will help you figure out how much the shipping from yoybuy to you will be - and they even estimate how much they’ll have to spend on shipping materials.

once your items all arrive at yoybuy and they ship them on over to you, you can look at the options on the left to find a record of all your packages.

redacted information ahoy, folks, but let’s take a look-see at the package i already got from them -

the parcel number is what you click to open up an information page, showing all the items that are in the box they sent. the tracking number will be what you can check to track your package. they offer a variety of different carriers to use, and iirc, all of them come with tracking numbers. (you get yoybuy’s cut rate on shipping through all carriers, though!) if there are any problems, they’ll show up in the status - along with things like if it’s in an immigrations check.

if there are any problems, you can then report it to yoybuy and they’ll help you out - however, i’ve not had any problems with them. all my items came safe and sound!

so there you have it, a short guide - ah, well, at this point, just a guide - on how to, step-by-step, order stuff off taobao via yoybuy.

good luck in your own shopping, and happy hunting! 💖

#lolita tutorials #beginner lolita #taobao #online shopping #🍭 Lollipop Guild Guides

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shorilicious · 7 years ago

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Shori x Sou - About travelling

A surprising incident occurred in Shizuoka!?

Shori: Speaking of travelling, the two of us went to Shizuoka. Me and Sou heard a rock band we like was having a concert in Shizuoka, that’s why. Since Shizuoka is Sou’s home town I was like we should go together. Sou: When we were there we took a taxi and the driver was speaking in a really veteran dialect. Shori: Veteran? I don’t think you know what that word really means... (laughing). But well his dialect was quite heavy. Sou: Oh yeah. Shori, were you surprised? When you listened to his Shizuoka dialect. Shori: I didn’t understand what the driver was saying because of his dialect. But Sou doesn’t even know what he’s saying in standard Japanese (laughing). That’s why it felt like I was by myself in the car. Sou: Ahahaha! But really, that driver’s dialect was too difficult to understand even for me. Shori: Eh, you didn’t understand what he was saying? But you were saying things like „Yes, yes“ while listening to his stories. Sou: No, I was doing that just out of courtesy (laughing). Shori: Afterwards, after we went to see the concert, all the train stations near the venue were really crowded. It seemed it would take hours to get on a train... that’s what the situation was like. In the end we couldn’t make it to the last Shinkansen of the day, so in a hurry we had to decide to stay in Shizuoka for a night... Sou: It was a surprising incident (laughing). Although we still had time for the Shinkansen, we couldn’t get on the metro or get a taxi to get there. It was the first time I was in a hurry to that extent. Shori: After that, Sou was really reflecting about the situation on his own (laughing). Although it wasn’t particularly our fault, I guess he felt responsible since Shizuoka is where he’s from. Sou: I felt responsible indeed. Because I was the one who took the precious son of the Sato family out to Shizuoka after all. Shori: No no, even in Shizuoka I’ve been using a map application on my phone to get around and it worked perfectly fine. I didn’t depend on Sou at all (laughing). Sou: True, Shori was using a map properly. I am a local but surprisingly I didn’t know a lot of ways around town (laughing). Well but still, I felt like a mother. A mother who couldn’t return her own child to Tokyo. Shori: No, if it were her child, normally she wouldn’t have to return her own child to Tokyo, right? Sou: Ah, I see (laughing). I enjoyed my Shizuoka trip with Shori but now I want to travel with all the members. I think going to Marius’ mother’s home country Germany would be ideal but I think everyone is able to predict that though? Shori: You want it to be a little more surprising? Sou: Yep. That’s why I’d like to go somewhere like Indonesia. It reminds me of when all of us went to Dubai. Shori: No, it’s not like Dubai at all. Sou: Ah, how about Canada then? Shori: No, nobody will be surprised if we go to Canada. So, isn’t Germany just fine? Sou: ...Okay. Well, Germany it is then (laughing). Indonesia and Canada are fine as well but let’s go to Germany first, I want to hear Heidelberg’s church bells. Shori: Since Marius told us that when he’s back in Germany he wakes up in the morning by the sound of church bells near his house. I want to wake up hearing that church bell as well. Sou: That sounds nice. By the way, this is going to be a „what if...“ question but if you meet an unknown girl there and fall for her at first sight, what would Shori do? Shori: I think I’ll talk to her. Sou: Ehh~ I think I wouldn’t be able to speak to her. I’m embarrassed and also you need to be confident in order to do that. Shori: I will only talk to her but I don’t think I’ll be in love. Sou: That I do not understand. Because if someone catches your attention and you even talk to them, from then on there is always a possibility of love developing. Shori: No, because I have to return home. Sou: „I have to return home“, what kind of statement is that (laughing). Shori: Because I absolutely can’t do long distances. Sou: You mean long distance relationships. Shori: Ah... (shy). I absolutely can’t do long distance relationships. Sou: People who travel a lot are more likely to meet people that they are going to have a long distance relationship with. Is it because you’d miss them too much if they are far away? Shori: Yes, yes. Sou: It seems like people who travel would exchange contacts with someone they meet on the streets more easily, like a womanizer. But Shori probably wouldn’t be like that. He would talk to them first, look at that person’s character and then decide if he wants to exchange contacts or not... Wait, why am I suddenly explaining things for Shori? Shori: No, you shouldn’t be asking that because you started talking about it by yourself (laughing). Sou: Ahahaha! Shori: While we’re still talking about traveling, Sexy Zone’s tour starts 24th March, so traveling to each city, after our concerts end I want to go eat ramen. So the five of us will sit next to each other at the counter and eat together. Like in Hokkaido for example... Sou: Like in Hakata. Ramen is really tasty after you finish a concert~ It’s like the ramen is dancing in your mouth. The noodles are going to dance. Shori: After we have finished dancing ourselves? Sou: Right. After we finish dancing, the noodles will be dancing in my mouth. Shori: Eh~ (laughing). But eating out with the members after our concerts is surely one of the things I’m looking forward to during our tour.

Keep in mind I am not a native speaker therefore there might be mistakes in my translations. Also I’m not exactly translating word for word. Feel free to correct me in my ask box any time you want, I’d appreciate it! I apologize if someone already translated something before me and I didn’t notice, I hope you don’t mind.

Credit goes to yoshiko_mama @ LJ for the scans, thank you!

#translation #sexy zone #sato shori #matsushima sou #shorisou #potato 201804 #翻訳 #セクゾ #佐藤勝利 #松島聡 #しょりそう

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lsundarinfo · 3 years ago

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Why carry an IDP while driving in the USA?

International driver permits are available in 11 different languages, including English, and can be translated into 11 different languages that you don't speak. An IDP license is an important document showing your name, photo, and other driver's information required by AAA for applying IDP. If you are from another country, you must have an international driver's permit, international driver's license, etc., and also carry important documents. Some states require you to carry an international driver's permit travelling on their public roads. Still, California, Massachusetts, and Arizona do not require an international driver's license in the USA, but they need a foreign driver's license. Many car rental companies ask for your international driver's permit, and only then will they give you a key to drive. If you are travelling to the USA, apply for an international driver's license because it's necessary for international travel. If you are travelling without an IDP, then you have to pay the penalty that may cost a lot.

How to get an IDP?

Some countries don't require a U.S. license to travel inside that country, but they need IDP. But countries like Canada and Mexico can recognize a U.S. license and can travel for a limited period. So, check it before entering the USA. AAA recommends that you carry an IDP along with a U.S. driving license, especially if you are travelling to a non-English speaking country. Because international driving permits (IDP) can be used in more than 150 countries, you can visit their site and apply from the website www.e-itca.org. By clicking on that "Apply here" option available on the front page of ITCA. Then click on the Apply Now button, fill in the details, and make payment using PayPal, credit or debit card. There are two different formats of international driving permit (IDP), one format is from 1949, and the other one is from 1968. Every country has its own rules and regulations; in some countries, they require a specific format to follow. For example, the U.S. only follows the 1949 format, so if you apply for an international driving permit in the U.S., you need to apply for the 1949 format. The details required to apply for an international driver's license are name, birthplace, current residence, place of birth, international driver's license number, international driver's license issued date & expiry date, and you also need to provide information on the vehicle you'll be driving.

Top destinations in the USA

When you travel to the USA, you need to gather all information about the tourist spots and plan accordingly. As a foreigner, you need to know what you should do and what you cannot do because every country has specific rules and regulations. Before travelling inside the U.S., make sure you drive with an international license. And properly plan the zip codes and routes that will make your journey easy. Without an international driver's permit or international driver's license, you can't travel by yourself. You should hire a driver or travel on public transport like flights, bus, train, etc.

Grand Canyon

The Grand Canyon is located in Arizona, which has a stunning viewpoint of Yavapai Observation Station, Architect Mary Colter's Lookout Studio, Mather Point, Desert View Watchtower with wide views of the canyon and Colorado River. And an astonishing view of sunrise and sunset.

Yellowstone

Yellowstone National Park is a recreation of volcanic hot spots with canyons, rivers, and forest areas highly attractive to international tourists. Yellowstone has five different entrances, so it should be easy to travel from anywhere, and it is better to have your own vehicle to stop at many attractive sites.

Glacier National Park

Glacier National Park is located in Montana, which has the most beautiful mountains, lakes and overwhelming natural views. It is best for camping and cycling. If you are looking for the perfect place for enjoyment, then this is the place for you.

New York City

New York is a commercial and financial center of the United States. It has a beautiful view of the Hudson River that meets the Atlantic Ocean.

San Francisco

San Francisco is a commercial center of California. The most popular tourist attractions are Alcatraz Island and the Golden Gate Bridge. San Francisco is a place of architecture and landmarks, including the Golden Gate Bridge, cable cars etc.

New Orleans

If you are a partying person, New Orleans is an excellent place for you with music, nightlife, festivals, etc. New Orleans is a melting pot of three cultures: French, African, and American.

Boston

Boston is a famous city for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in the United States. It's surrounded by homes and is rich in history. Don't forget about Salem, Massachusetts, which is just 40 minutes travel from Boston

Many tourist places like this will give you a good experience in the United States. However, you must have proper documents before visiting these places. You also need an international driver's license.

Why do you need IDP?

Whether you are travelling to Boston, New Orleans or the Grand Canyon, an international driver's permit is an important document that you need to carry with you while travelling in any state. Legally it is required to have an IDP and driver's license.

How do I apply for IDP?

You can apply through www.e-itca.org. Just by clicking apply now, fill in your details and make payment. It is as simple as that.

Important reminders before travelling to the U.S.

While travelling in the U.S., you have a common question in mind: do I need to apply for an international driver's license? Yes! You need an international driver's license in the USA. Then how to get an international driver's license? You can apply from your country. Besides having an international driver permit, you will need to carry a valid passport and have all old passports, DS160 US Visa application confirmation page stamped at the Visa Application Center (VAC). You should be aware of the expenses and also need to have U.S. dollars. If you have your own country's currency, you should exchange it in banks, money exchanges, financial institutions, etc.

Most important driving rules while driving in the USA

In the USA, symbols, shapes and colours are used to communicate with drivers. They don't use any words. Learn these symbols for your safety. Traffic is common in America, so you should travel slowly in the right lane, which is better for you. If you are travelling on a highway, preferably use the right lane; otherwise, you will be crossing another vehicle. You should carry your valid driver's license and also IDP required for driving on roads or else you need to use public transport. You should be travelling in the right lane unless you cross a vehicle. Avoid honking unless there is an emergency. For example, if you are driving and someone is about to hit you accidentally, you can use a horn. If two vehicles intersect, then the car from the right lane should go first unless that vehicle is at the red signal. The speed limit is 25 to 30 miles per hour in many areas and residential areas, which is 35 miles per hour. On highways, the speed limit will be 55 miles per hour or more. For drivers 21 years or older, driving with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.08% or higher is illegal. Before using any rental car, check whether you can drive with your non-US state driving license. You need an international driver's license before entering the U.S. because no other U.S. government agencies will issue an IDP. An international driver's license has all the information from your original driver's license in 10 different languages.

Mostly in the U.S., many rental cars are not insured, so make sure you take an insured rental car. You can also purchase insurance products like personal car insurance, travel insurance, credit card insurance, etc. School buses with flashing lights are an important signal that shows that you must stop the vehicle. In the U.S., the legal age of driving is a little different from state to state; it is between 16 and 18. But for a foreigner, you need to be at least 21 to get a car for rent. It's not a rule, but many rental companies follow it. Many companies charge extra if you are under 25 years of age. Generally, some companies hold a certain amount of money for accident insurance, so it is better to have an accident cover for yourself. You can also use third party insurance to cover your accident. If you have full coverage from rental insurance, then you can decline cover from rental companies. You must need a proper driving license to apply for rental cars. Many rental companies expect the license to be in English. If not, you need an international driving permit IDP for better understanding. If you are renting a car, make sure you compare the price line with other rental companies. Travelling as a non-native person, there is a higher chance of getting cheated for a high price. There are many types of roads available in the U.S.

Inter-State roads are mainly for crossing from state to state in which the speed limits are 60 to 80 miles per hour. All signals and information are mentioned on-road and must be followed by each person.

State roads are only for travelling within that state and can't go to any other state. It is connected inside the state. Speed limits also vary from different types of roads. In-state roads, the speed limit is between 20 to 75 miles per hour.

County roads are usually small roads that are maintained by local authorities.

Speed limit and seat belt

The speed limits are a little different from state to state. If it is a residential area, the speed limit is 35 miles per hour. In many places, it is 25 to 30 miles per hour. Speed also varies from road to road. For interstate roads, the speed limit should be 60 to 80 miles per hour. If you are travelling on a state road, you should be travelling between 20 to 75 miles per hour. If you are travelling in a car, every person should wear a seatbelt. At least the driver and front seat passengers should wear a seatbelt. Maybe it's a law, but everyone worldwide should follow these strict rules to protect themselves. Children also need to wear seat belts; however, they also need infant seats and also according to the height, weight, and age of children. While travelling on U.S. roads, you should carry your valid passport and an international driver's license, and finally, you should also have an international driver's permit IDP. Booster seats and other child restraint systems are essential for taxi drivers and private car owners.

Legal driving age

In the USA, the legal age of getting a driving license is between 16 and 18 years. However, as a foreigner, some states in the U.S. require 15 years of age to get a learner's license & you can take a license at the age of 16 in some states. It will differ from state to state. Even though you are above 18 years old, you need an international driver's license. Also, an international driver's permit can translate all the driver's information in the original driver's license to many different languages; that's why we need IDP. Carry your passport and all other old passports which officials will require.

You need to be at least 21 to get a rental car. Most car rental companies charge extra for accident cover insurance. If you are under 25 years of age, it will be difficult for you to get a car. Children are not allowed to drive, and it is illegal.

For U.S. citizens, you need to be at least above 14 and have learners or above the age of 16 who must have a license to travel to many states. You also need a plan about the places you are visiting because the rules vary from state to state in the USA. One must learn all the basics about roads, people, culture, states, and everything.

#International Driving Permit #International Driving Licence

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easyfoodnetwork · 4 years ago

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Just Like Restaurants, Culinary Schools and Their Students Are in Limbo

Yuriy Golub/Shutterstock

Culinary schools rely on hands-on training. Can they survive during the pandemic?

The morning of March 13 was normal until the intercom interrupted a discussion during Sarah Roundtree’s fine dining concepts lab at the Providence, Rhode Island, campus of Johnson & Wales. “They made the announcement that campus was shutting down,” she remembers. Roundtree, who graduated from the Charlotte campus of Johnson & Wales with a bachelor of science in culinary arts and food-service management in 2018, was working as a student teacher in the culinary arts program and had no idea what to tell the class about what to do next or when they’d be back. “The students had questions that I couldn’t answer,” she says.

She also didn’t know what it meant for her own studies. Roundtree was in Providence to complete a master of arts in teaching degree with a concentration in culinary arts education, and she was set to graduate in May, with an entry-level job at a restaurant already lined up. Instead, she left campus soon after that announcement, and in the coming weeks, the restaurant rescinded the job offer; it was forced to shut down due to COVID-19.

Today, Roundtree is living in Connecticut with her family, weighing her options for a career in a post-COVID-19 food industry. “Technically, I graduated a week ago,” she says via video call on a recent afternoon. “I’m sure I’ll do a Zoom celebration or something.”

As traditional college campuses shut down in early March, culinary schools followed, vacating their teaching kitchens, classrooms, and on-campus restaurants. But unlike traditional colleges, many of which shifted to online learning, culinary schools have had to contend with moving cooking classes, tactile in nature, to a virtual setting. Most have opted not to, meaning culinary schools and culinary students are stuck in limbo until campuses are cleared to reopen.

San Francisco Cooking School closed its campus March 16 and is not offering virtual learning for cooking courses, effectively putting the current stream of 42 full-time and part-time students on hold. “A hasty pivot to virtual learning didn’t make sense for SFCS because our curriculum is designed around hands-on instruction in a small class environment,” says San Francisco Cooking School founder Jodi Liano. Being in a kitchen-classroom setting ensures students learn to braise, cut, saute, chop, and dice under the tutelage of a trained culinary professional, an environment that’s hard to replicate via video call.

“Cooking is using all five senses,” says Lachlan Sands, campus president for the Institute of Culinary Education. Its campuses in Los Angeles and New York City both closed on March 16, affecting an undisclosed number of students (the school won’t say how many people are currently enrolled). “We believe it’s better to teach culinary arts in a kitchen in person.”

Culinary classes require an infrastructure that’s hard to mimic at home. A typical day of class involves students retrieving whisks, bowls, spoons, mixers, and stock pots from communal storage areas and retrieving ingredients from walk-in refrigerators or pantries to make the dishes that are part of the day’s lessons. Even if basic recipes were provided to students, there’s no guarantee that they would have access to the technology required for video calls. “Most of our students aren’t properly equipped for home study in terms of kitchen equipment, or even access to a kitchen where multiple roommates might be involved,” Liano says. Offering virtual cooking courses that may leave some students behind because of a lack of access, or asking them to venture out to secure ingredients during a pandemic, didn’t seem like the right move. “Simply put,” says Liano, “neither the school nor the students were set up to enable SFCS to fulfill our educational promise through virtual learning.”

Most culinary schools, though, have lecture-style courses for general education and professional studies classes related to specific majors, like menu planning and cost control, foodservice financial systems, food safety, culture, and technical writing; the Institute of Culinary Education, San Francisco Cooking School, Johnson & Wales, and New Orleans Culinary & Hospitality Institute have moved their lecture courses online.

Schools hope to keep their students engaged with cooking during lockdowns, even if not officially for credits. The Institute of Culinary Education started offering cooking demos via Instagram Live with chefs like Marcus Samuelsson and Chris Scott to encourage students to cook along with industry pros. “We really want to get them to try new things and new dishes,” Sands says. But there’s no way to ensure that students are tuning in, and administrators are not monitoring who’s accessing the demos. It’s not a foolproof way of teaching cooking, but it is a way of doing something. “Part of what we can do right now is cultivate an atmosphere of community,” Sands says. San Francisco Cooking School has started a “Conversations With…” Zoom series that connects industry leaders and students via regular calls to “just to get together and talk about things like what they’ve been cooking for friends/family,” Liano says. “Teachers help troubleshoot during these calls, and classmates do the same — it’s been a really nice way to keep them together.”

As many states think about reopening, culinary schools are waiting for the go-ahead to resume classes. Leah Sarris, executive director for New Orleans Culinary & Hospitality Institute, which opened in January of 2019, says the school’s 100-day certificate program moved lecture classes online. Administrators are planning on reopening the campus to “whenever it is safe to do so.” As New Orleans restaurants begin to reopen, NOCHI has a tentative plan “to resume classes whenever the city enters Phase 2,” Sarris says.

Culinary schools are adjusting to adhere to new safety guidelines at both local and federal levels, says Miriam Weinstein, communications director for Johnson & Wales University. Right now the Providence campus is planning on reopening July 6 with class sizes reduced from 18 to 14 students; a requirement that all staff, students, and faculty wear masks; and plexiglass partitions between cooking stations in hands-on classes. Both Johnson & Wales and San Francisco Cooking School will also introduce separate tasting rooms where students will bring a deli container of whatever they’re cooking to taste with disposable utensils. There, they’ll discuss with their instructor what adjustments should be made before disposing of the utensils and returning to the kitchen. Both schools say it will take some adjusting, but it’s something the students will eventually get used to. “It takes time and it adds steps, but it feels like a precaution worth taking,” says Liano. “I think it will become a routine that will be pretty easy to execute.”

That is, of course, if students elect to come back. Culinary school enrollment has long been in decline: According to data from the Integrated Postsecondary Education Data System (IPEDS), 16,792 culinary school degrees were awarded in 2017, down more than 8,000 compared to numbers from five years before. For many students, the costs associated with attending school (tuition for one undergraduate year at the Culinary Institute of America is more than $36,000; at Johnson & Wales, it’s more than $34,000), coupled with a downturned economy, might mean opting out of completing school altogether. And for both current and potential students, the restaurant industry’s crisis — and the likelihood of a lack of jobs after graduation — might affect decisions. An International Culinary Institute spokesperson says the school’s New York and LA campuses expect a “less than 2 percent withdrawal rate” after COVID-19, noting “students have expressed their desires to return to our campuses and resume their studies as soon as they are permitted to do so.” Weinstein, of Johnson & Wales, offers a slightly more pessimistic post-pandemic look: “We anticipate that the difficulties that our students and their families are facing will translate into future enrollment challenges.”

For those staying put, Sarris says that the New Orleans Culinary & Hospitality Institute is being flexible with students’ timelines for class completion. “We understand that the current situation has a lot of unknowns, so for students who are high-risk when it comes to COVID-19 or who wish to take some time off, we are working with them on a personalized completion plan,” Sarris says. Johnson & Wales is offering undergraduates who are part of the 3,366 students across four campuses that were in lab courses (hands-on classes taught in kitchens) the opportunity to finish their studies in July or in the fall semester, according to Weinstein. Students who were on track to graduate with bachelor’s degrees were offered virtual lecture courses to complete their degrees, Weinstein says, leading to their graduation on time this year.

Looking further ahead, culinary schools are thinking about the trickle-down effects the crisis will have on their curriculums, which will need to be adjusted to prepare students to enter a changed food industry. “How are restaurants going to be staffed? What are menus going to look like? How do businesses balance delivery and dine in? There’s so many questions that we won’t be able to answer yet,” Sands says. “Before we can make changes to the curriculum, we have to see what the industry wants.” But he’s also hopeful that the industry will adapt to its new reality, whatever that may look like. “The demand for restaurants has existed for hundreds of years; you’ve got to give credit to the resiliency of chefs and restaurateurs,” he says. “It’s a big challenge, but I don’t want to undercut the resiliency of the leaders of the food industry.”

Roundtree is also looking to industry leaders and thinking about starting an ice cream sandwich business. Her goals have changed a bit, but she’s sure she wants to stay in the food industry. “Long term, I don’t know if I want to go into education,” she says. “I see myself owning a restaurant and maybe writing a cookbook.”

Korsha Wilson is a food writer and host of A Hungry Society, a podcast that takes a more inclusive look at the food world. She lives in New Jersey.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/2UCX5AG https://ift.tt/3d0UgiR

Yuriy Golub/Shutterstock

Culinary schools rely on hands-on training. Can they survive during the pandemic?

Korsha Wilson is a food writer and host of A Hungry Society, a podcast that takes a more inclusive look at the food world. She lives in New Jersey.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/2UCX5AG via Blogger https://ift.tt/3fh5nWE

#Blogger #cooking #Eater #food #recipes

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itshistoryyall · 5 years ago

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Part Three: Rule of Three

Photo Credits: here

In this next part I want to talk a little about some important texts for the context of this project. One of them is the Canon Episcopi, a 10th century medieval canon law. For anyone who doesn’t know what “canon law” is, it is basically a written guideline authored by some church authorities and used to govern the church, its clergy, and its patrons. It’s important to highlight this text because it gives us a clear idea of what surviving pagan cultures looked like in Medieval Francia (modern France), but not in the way you might expect. As mentioned above, a lot of what we know about the past is just really good detective work, and this is one of the instances where a document helps us understand far more than what was originally intended. It’s a cohesive set of ideas that suggest how the church should treat several circumstances regarding their local pagans, and as usual, it wasn’t preaching tolerance. In summation, it called anyone who believed in anything other than Christianity an infidel.[1] Pagans still existed, and still do to this day, in fact, but the Church used a heavy hand when dealing with them most of the time. Often, they used their own beliefs against them and merged popular Christian anecdotes to help assuage people who were not happy with the idea of conversion to a new religion. I think that the author of the overview for this document said it best when they said that,

“new Christians [did not] simply cast aside old beliefs…conversion was a dynamic process…[and] elements of indigenous religious practice were frequently mixed, often deliberately, with Christian belief and ritual…Certain practices can be said to have ‘survived’ the process of conversion…After all, nearly every Christian ritual had some sort of pre-Christian antecedent or model.”[2]

They just simply couldn’t kill them all or threaten everyone with violence in order to bring them to their knees before the Lord, and so, they got creative.

Canon Episcopi calls anyone who believes in the mystical arts a liar and, what I’m most interested in is it’s mention of, “wicked women, who have given themselves back to Satan…[who] in the hours of the night…fly over vast spaces of earth.”[3] You just can’t get more witchy than that folks, and don’t worry, I know that this was written in like 900CE, but I should also mention that it was referenced in another important document—Corpus Juris Cononici, a canonical law that remained intact beginning in the 12th century all the way until 1917. I’m not going to attempt the math there, but it’s too damn long and we can all agree on that. So, now we know our Collective Catholic Opinion (CCO for the rest of this project),[4] is that we don’t like pagans, and with the introduction of this new text, witchcraft is now a pagan practice. This was originally, a really good detail to hammer out in canonical law because it typically kept the Inquisition from meddling in matters of alternative religions, UNTIL (you knew that was coming, I already warned you in Part 1) Canon Episcopi was thrown out by Pope Innocent VIII in 1484 (not the same Innocent One as before, but damn did we not learn a lesson?). Anyway, the most innocent pope of all time decided that witchcraft was to be forever tantamount to devil worship which was what gave inquisitors permission to go after pagans and those accused of practicing witchcraft—great.[5]

So, that brings me to my next document of importance, the Malleus Maleficarum, the Latin here, in case you aren’t a weird Disney fan, is where we get the word ‘maleficent’ and thus the name for one “Mistress of Evil”…moving on.[6] This book was written between 1486 and 1487 and can also be referred to as “The Hammer of Witches,” a direct translation of the original Latin. It was written by some German Dominican monks—'Dominican’ here, refers to the Dominican order of Preachers founded in France by the Spanish priest St. Dominic, so, not the islanders as I was originally very confused about. Recall from earlier that the first instances we see of witch trials occur in a German-speaking part of Switzerland, so you can see how this thing is gaining speed. There were other texts along the way that were written in regards to witchcraft, but there was a really important invention that made this one unique—the printing press. It spread like wildfire, and there were more copies of this document than any other, and it so precisely aligned with the mounting witch-craze, the Inquisition, and the Corpus Juris Cononici, that it almost seems planned. Am I a conspiracy theorist, you ask? Maybe. After researching this project, I’m beginning to wonder, myself. Let’s indulge.

In 1481 Pope Innocent VIII (I’m so surprised), heard about those German monks who were in the middle of writing about these witches, and they complained to him that the authorities weren’t properly looking into the accusations. This actually prompted the Pope to issue one of those papal bulls we all know and love, titled, Summus Desiderantes Affectibus, translated—Desiring with Supreme Ardor. It wastes no time getting right to the point, those who were practicing witchcraft were to be henceforth considered heretics, and doling out the full support of the Church and the Faith to inquisitors to prosecute these cases as they saw fit. Three years later, the monks published their instruction manual for other sympathizers. This document was separated into three parts. The first was addressing skeptics and assuring them of the reality of the situation and suggesting that not believing in the existence of witchcraft was another form of heresy. The second part included proof that real harm was caused by magic, and the third part was made up of guidelines for investigating, arresting, and punishing witches. It was used by Catholics and Protestants alike, and while it was never made official by the Catholic Church, it was most assuredly referenced. It was not continuously in print; however, but was re-printed and widely distributed in areas “as needed,” meaning that when prosecutions started ramping up in some areas, the press would begin to print and distribute more.

I’m gonna delve pretty deep into this document because it’s really important that we know where some of this information comes from in reference to future prosecutions, tortures, and accusations of presumed witches. The manual directly mentions that witchcraft is found amongst women most predominantly and uses the idea that both good and evil manifests in women more powerfully than in men. It specifically singles out midwives because of their aptitude for contraception and pregnancy termination—see, you guys thought this anti-abortion culture was new…it’s not. It made wild claims that midwives ate babies, or offered them to devils, and elucidated pacts made with the Devil, sex with incubi, possession, and, I’m not quite sure how to word this, the act of vanishing penises (That’s the best I can do here. I tried some other stuff and believe me it was much worse). The part I love most is that most of the references used to substantiate these claims come from some of the great Greek philosophers and writers like Homer and Socrates, who were big, giant, probably gay,[7] pagans. I can’t love that more, guys…it really doesn’t get better than two homophobic, misogynistic, intolerant religious zealots getting their entire bibliography from some gay pagans. Finally, what the document describes as “quarrelsome women” could not be considered witnesses to witchcraft, and it excuses this by alleging that this is to prevent friends, families, and neighbors from bitter fights.

To determine whether or not someone was a witch, they could be examined physically. Any corporeal evidence might include marks on the body, physical objects that were concealed on the body, or not weeping while being tortured or when presented in front of a judge. When checking for these “marks,” women were stripped of their clothing (by other women), their hair was shaved—this could be a small amount or all of it depending on where that pesky devil’s mark was going to be found. Often, this mark could be a mole, a flea or insect bite, a birth mark, or a speck of dirt. Anything passed, really, and once these marks were found they needed to make sure that there were no other instruments of witchcraft on a person in order to execute them. The manuscript mentions that if these items are not removed, there would be an inability to burn or drown the witch, and the same goes for if she was still under the protection of other witches. The practice of drowning or burning an accused witch to prove her innocence began, and although the accused was never around to celebrate her liberation afterwards the practice persisted, nonetheless. While determining the guilt of these witches, a confession was paramount in determining the outcome of a person’s wellbeing after the trial.

Accused witches could only be executed by the inquisitors or authorities of the church if they confessed themselves, but, remember that the church had already authorized torture as an acceptable method of questioning at this point and could be persuaded into confessing by any means necessary. Often, they would confess quickly under the pain of torture, and were said to have been abandoned by the Devil. Conversely, those who held out, were under the Devil’s protection and more closely bound to him, and torture was viewed as a form of exorcism. Confession under torture was not enough; however, and they had to confess again while not being tortured for it to be a valid confession. If the accused continuously denied the accusations the church was not permitted to execute her, but they could eventually turn her in to local authorities who were not beholden to the same restrictions.

After a confession, the accused could be offered the option of repenting against all prior acts of heresy and perhaps be granted the avoidance of a death sentence, but later when I pull out the statistics, you’ll see precisely how rare that option was. They were also likely to allow a witch to avoid a death sentence if they snitched on other witches, but typically the investigations into those that were implicated by the original witch were presumed to be innocent until a thorough investigation could take place. Prosecutors also did not have to reveal that the removal of a death sentence did not mean that they could not imprison them indefinitely. Judges that presided over these trials were given specific instructions on how to ward themselves from wayward spells of the spurned witches on trial, and to ensure that they had the full cooperation of those amongst the court and spectators, there were specific instructions that allowed those who were uncooperative to be excommunicated from the church or even labeled heretics themselves if their obstruction was persistent.

Pope Innocent VIII’s bull acted as a metaphorical magnifying glass over the ant that this situation was in Switzerland and Germany, but to conflagrate things further, in 1501, Pope Alexander VI[8] issued a new papal bull, the Cum Acceperimus,[9]that extended the reach of prosecutions for witches to Lombardy and officially broadening the reach into Italy. I think it’s important to point out that this particular pope was a Borgia, and for those of you who haven’t seen The Borgias on Showtime, the Borgia family is basically the Kardashian/Jenners of the Medieval world—so many scandals and orgies, one can nary keep up. Beginning in 1500 and all the way through 1560, historians consider these few decades to be the peak of trials in Europe, and in order to focus more in-depth on this aspect we’ll be ending this part here, but it may be worth mentioning that this oddly severe belief in superstition beginning with the Malleus Maleficarum, may have been one of the many sparks that stoke the flames of the Protestant Reformation in Europe.[10]

[1] See Canon Episcopi for a full quote, but this is in direct reference to a bible verse from John 1:3 that makes mention of God being the maker of all things and suggests that those who believe that other entities may have done so are “infidels.”

[2] (Traces of Non-Christian Religious Practices in Medieval Pentitentials, n.d.)

[3] Direct quote from the Canon Episcopi and shortened for clarity and pointed reference.

[4] Please don’t talk to normal people about the CCO, it’s not a real organization, and outside of this context it’s probably very offensive to modern Catholic practitioners and I am not looking to get cancelled on Twitter

[5] (encyclopedia.com, 2019)

[6] Maleficent is defined by Webster’s as, “doing evil or harm; harmfully malicious,” and the original Latin form is maleficentia.

[7] the ancient Greeks were partiers and lovers, man

[8] Not a safer name than ‘Innocent,’ it turns out.

[9] DON’T YOU DARE GIGGLE AT THAT NAME

[10] It’s important to note here that history doesn’t have a large grasp on one specific event that might have been what caused this leap, but it was more likely a combination of quite a few different things, but it is my own humble opinion that torturing people certainly wasn’t a good way to rally support for the Catholic Cause™

#witch #witches #witch trials #european witch trials #malleus maleficarum #pope alexander vi #historical texts #history #itshistoryyall #coronavirus #covid-19 #quarantine #social distancing #pandemic #2020

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