#I need to go to ulta this weekend

[hauntedbestie]

Think I’m gonna wear makeup more. Felt nice putting some on today

[mypimpademia]

— Passenger Princess

Izuku x Black! Fem! Reader

Synopsis: Headcanons of what it’s like to be Izuku’s passenger princess

TW: Slightly (but briefly) suggestive towards the end

Bakugo version here!

⇶ One of Izuku’s primary love languages is quality time, so you being his passenger princess is inevitable

⇶ He loves to be with you all the time, and he feels like running around town with you rather than by himself is the perfect way to spend his day

⇶ Riding around with Izuku is something you do at least once a week, normally over the weekend when he has to run errands

⇶ Shoots you a text first thing in the morning, telling you good morning and asking if you wanna come spend the day with him

⇶ He’s an early riser, usually waking up around 5 AM and starting his day with a good workout, so you don’t respond till hours later and he’s okay with that

⇶ He keeps his notification sound on just to make sure he doesn’t miss it when you text back, happily agreeing to come with him

⇶ Izuku immediately puts down whatever weight he’s lifting, or stops his push ups or sit ups, and replies in an instant, telling you he’ll be over in an hour

⇶ Finishes up his workout then takes a quick shower and gets dressed in some sweatpants and a random hoodie before heading out

⇶ You always tell him that he doesn’t have to, but Izuku was raised a gentleman and everytime he comes to pick you up, he’d much rather come to your apartment door to get you instead of just making you walk out to his car

⇶ Always thinks you look the prettiest in a casual outfit, and little to no make up. His heart melts everytime you greet him with a glossy lipped grin, smelling like your favorite perfume

⇶ Never fails to get a kiss from you, despite your protests and whines about how you just put on lip gloss

⇶ On top of quality time, Izuku is alllll about acts of service

⇶ Before you even go anywhere, he asks if you need anything from anywhere

⇶ Won’t take no for an answer, even if you truly don’t need anything

⇶ Takes you to breakfast before anything if you haven’t eaten yet, and pays for the both of you

⇶ Izuku then proceeds to take you anywhere either of you need/want to go

⇶ He may be the one driving, but he still follows whatever you want like a lost puppy

⇶ If you even slightly mention something about going to Target, the beauty supply, Sephora, Ulta, or even IKEA, you can bet that’s where you’ll end up next

⇶ He’s got zero self restraint, and although he’s grown out of letting people walk all over him, he’s still a people pleaser to an extent, and will try and make his loved ones happy by any means

⇶ Especially you.

⇶ Throws anything that you even glance at into the cart

⇶ Don’t even say “Aw, that’s cute,” to anything, because he’ll offer to buy it for you on the spot no matter the price

⇶ Because he grew up with a single mother who did what she could to make sure he lived well, Izuku can be hesitant to spend money

⇶ But that only applies to him spending money on himself and others spending on him

⇶ No matter how much he loves something, if that price tag isn’t pretty, he’s not getting it.

⇶ But when it comes to you? You could drag him into every luxury store on Earth, and he’d swipe his card on every item you ring up without even looking at the price.

⇶ You never make him spend crazy amounts on you of course, but he denies you everytime you try and deny him buying you things

“What? You don’t love me anymore?”

He was exaggerating, of course. He knows you love him, but he gets pouty when you don’t let him show affection the way he wants to.

“Don’t start with that, Zuku,” you rolled your eyes. “And put that back, you are not getting me that. I wouldn’t even buy that for myself for that kind of money.”

Izuku kissed his teeth in response. He could be so sassy sometimes, only he would get this riled up about not being allowed to buy someone a necklace.

“Okay? That’s you,” he argued. “I’d buy it for you, you know I will.”

Emphasis on the ‘I will’, and not ‘I would’. Izuku has always been the stubborn type, and not even you could change that about him.

“Izuku, absolutely not,” you shook your head at him.

He sighed, walking up behind you and placing the gold rope chain against your collarbone.

“C‘mon angel,” he whispered. “You were just talking about how beautiful this was and how you love it so much. Lemme buy it for you.”

He was sweet talking you now, and it was working. You hated it.

“Izu, baby,” you started, but he cut you off before you could protest again.

“You’d look so good with it,” he put the necklace on you, clasping it and turning you towards a mirror. “See? And I could get you a pendant for it, maybe put your initial on it.”

Izuku pressed a soft kiss behind your ear.

“Or even mine.”

Your face was burning up, and you huffed in defeat.

“…How much is it, again?” You asked.

Izuku smiled at you threw the mirror.

“Don’t worry about that, princess.”

⇶ If the man ever went bankrupt, it’d be because of you, but he wouldn’t even complain

⇶ As much as he loves to spoil you on your shopping trips, grocery shopping is his favorite

⇶ It feels so intimate and domestic, he seriously considers proposing to you then and there

⇶ Picking out veggies that look fresh, seeing which fruits are ripened to your liking, and buying extras of things just because they’re on a good sale

⇶ Groceries are always your last activity of the day, just because you always run around doing so much, Izuku doesn’t want to have fresh food sitting in his car for hours on end

⇶ But he always loves walking around with you from aisle to aisle looking for what you need and checking off the grocery list

⇶ Once again urges you to get anything you need or want, and still won’t take no for an answer

⇶ Sometimes, you just pick up a pack of gum or some candy at the register so he stops asking

⇶ Izuku never wants to leave you when the day is coming to an end, so you always go back to his place to put away groceries and cook some dinner together while he convinces you to stay the night

⇶ He’s lucky he’s a pretty boy that’s got a way with words, otherwise, all his sweet talking would never work

⇶ You already have everything you would need at his house. Shower supplies, your usually lotion and other moisturizers, clothes, and more bonnets than anyone needs

⇶ And of course there’s two of every bonnet, just so he can match you

⇶ After dinner, you take a shower together

⇶ Aside from Izuku not knowing how to keep his hands to himself when he offers to wash you, showering with him is relaxing and endearing

⇶ He holds you whole hot water runs over you both, fixes your shower cap so your hair doesn’t get wet, and lets you wash his face for him

⇶ On top of your matching bonnets, you have matching pjs as well, and a lot of your sets are hero themed, naturally

⇶ Izuku lights up a vanilla scented candle, then gets an assortment of snacks from the kitchen while you pick out a movie or a show to binge watch

⇶ And after a long, hard, and oh so draining day of sitting pretty in Izuku’s passenger seat while he buys you anything and everything, you fall asleep on the couch with him, curled under a blanket, and wrapped in his arms <3

—

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—

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[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty excellent day off. I wish I slept a little more when I took a nap this afternoon. But that's alright. It was still a really good day.

I slept okay. And let myself sleep in a bit.

When I got up I felt pretty fine. I decided to do some cleaning. I got dressed and kissed on Sweetp. I changed the kitty litter and vacuumed. I changed the sheets and the duvet cover. I felt very productive.

I had a snack and decided I would leave around 11 to go do all my shopping for the house. It was going to storm this afternoon so I thought I would leave a bit early.

I would drive out to Canton crossing. With some bursts of down pouring rain along the way. But I got out there before 11. Which was only bad because most of the stores didn't open until 11. Which I didn't realize. Oops.

So I went to target first. The carts were all wet. I had a funny interaction with a family, who commiserated about the wet carts but also that the first carts we tried also had broken wheels?? I changed it out and got a quiet, working cart. I got the cat food and litter and other things I needed form there. I felt bad when I picked up a bag of litter and it was torn and spilled everywhere. I found someone who worked there to let them know and they were like. Oh man. That happens so often. Annoying I'm sure.

I finished up in there pretty fast. I found most of the things I thought I would be able to get there. I paid and headed to the next place.

Ulta was next. They apparently don't have body shop lotion anymore so I got hemp brand. I had a coupon but then it was also 30% off so I got my $25 lotion for $8! I always use Jess's phone number at Ulta so apparently I have earned her $6 off too but I left that for her. Which msde her laugh when I texted her about it.

Five below was next. Where I got a bunch of candy, but I also found calico critters blind bags for me and Jess for next weekend when she comes to visit. And I got 4 soft side boxes for my cart in my studio. Exactly the size I needed.

I had a coupon for DSW and I tried to see if they had the flip flops. But no luck. That's alright. I left there and returned to the car.

I put everything away and drove to the other end of the shopping center. I went to the Nordstrom rack but it was a little overwhelming. No luck on flip flops there but they did have philosophy lotion, and I got the lemon cream which I love. So it wasn't a total loss.

I went next door and got kitty litter deodorizer and I got Sweetp a beautiful new collar. It's black velvet and has a gold ring detail and it is just so fancy! I will have to get a picture of it on him.

I decided on lunch next. There is a shake shack over there and I decided to use their drive through for the first time. Which felt weird! I got my mushroom burger and they had spicy cheese fries. I decided to bring all of it home.

I took a weird ways home and got back in about 15 minutes.

When I got home I struggled to carry everything up but I got it. And didn't drop anything but it was tough.

I put stuff away and set up to have my little lunch and the fries were super super spicy but also really really good. It was an excellent meal.

I got everything out away. Put the stuff for camp in a bag. And chilled in the AC.

I would lay down for an hour. But I think I only actually slept for a half hour. I woke up when I had a text that was important to answer right away. And then James and me decided they would tell me at 3 if they needed me to come get them because of the incoming storm.

They decided that they didn't want me to come. And would end up getting stuck in the thick of the storm. Which made me feel so guilty.

I would sit in the window and have some ice cream and watch the rain and wait for James to get home.

They were soaking wet when they got home. They would get changed and dried off. And I would chill on bed. I had lost all of my energy.

James had their DND game with their friends. And I would rest. I took a shower and Waheed my hair. Laid in bed so my hair could dry for a while. Eventually I would go sit on the floor in the studio and fill all the bears I made with polyfil. I'll get them sewn shut this week.

James would make me breakfast for dinner again. Which was great. And we would just hang out. And then coming to lay in bed. Which is where we are now.

Tomorrow James is coming to camp with me! They are going to help with the project and I am looking forward to their company. And we will leave early for my rhumatologist appointment. I hope it is a good day.

Sleep well everyone. I hope you are staying cool.

[oddishfeeling]

i was in the worst mood ever earlier today for no apparent reason really.... so i just took my lil ass over to the gym n walked on a difficult incline for 30 min. that helped. i started a new book on there too. as i was leaving the gym and almost to my car, a girl going in the opposite direction of me said "yay you did it! u went to the gym on a sunday!" lol. it was nice actually bc it was empty.

afterwards, i went to ulta. bought cute headbands, scrunchies, a hydrating mask. n a bunch of other things lol. then i went to 5 below. i was looking for a beauty fan but the place was ransacked. ended up getting two silly t-shirts instead. then i decided it was a spaghetti n meatballs sort of night so i went to pick up the stuff we needed plus a salad kit, some wine, a focaccia. i came home n had my salad, did some homework, and now im about to start making dinner. maybe ill pour myself a small glass of this sauvignon blanc to help with the dinner prep. idk why i get pent up energy/aggression but im thankful for my gym membership to help with the release. also tackled a massive amount of laundry this weekend too. it just had to be done. only now, i dont think we have space for all this clean clothes.

i have about 8 topics left for my math class and some responses due in my psych class for tonight. also i am not looking forward to my zoom appt with my professor tomorrow afternoon (no offense to him at all, i just dont feel like it LOL i have questions about the final though and it was his idea to make it a zoom appt instead of just.. emailing me back with more clarity. but fine.) hopefully its easy, quick, and helpful.

havent decided yet if i should alternate my gym days or just go three in a row. im not doing much aside from reading on the treadmill (For now) eventually, i want to add body strengthening yoga into the mix.

i know that this full moon in libra is supposed to help with realigning with your goals and rebalancing routines and i have definitely felt that this weekend. didn't really smoke or drink at all, caught up on some sleep. i guess it makes sense to be more discerning about ur indulgences. im hoping to have a good week! hope everyone elses is too. 🧿

[rainbowuniversepageantsys]

Ulta Beauty Elegant Makeover Fridaay!

Today, I am trekking it from the parking lot to the front door of my local Ulta Beauty (pheww, so much walking, lol) - This is my go to place for everything beauty and it's good to accentuate your inner beauty and Ulta Beauty has the goods. So every Friday until I run out of beauty shopping money (lol), I will head on over to the store and choose something to make myself over or just chat about the latest in the greatest in the Beauty industry. So much to do this Summer, all those cute guys lined up at my door, lol, I have to look my best this Summer and that means matching my inner beauty with my outer beauty (just a tad as all any of us ladies need). So join me and let's do some make-over beauty shopping together. Let's go!

Have a fab weekend.........

[psychicdragoncoffee]

3/31/24

tl;dr Been going to lots of different places since Thurday. So I've been either busy or tired. Thursday involved getting goldfish crackers and chocolate. Friday getting a toilet. Yesterday I saw a move and got coloring books after eating at a BBQ place. Eating out for lunch today.

So, I've been a bit inactive during most of the weekend since I've been kept busy most of the time. Then whenever I wasn't too busy I've mostly just been sitting and listening to music.

Thursday [28] Today was something I've been looking forward to for over a month. It's a trip to a town that is a bit far from home so we could visit a few stores we don't have closer. I worked by budget so where I was able to get a decent amount from these stores. Luckily, I didn't need as much as I thought since Mom covered some of what I got.

The stores, the first being a Pepperidge Farm outlet shop where you could get things from that brand for super cheap. I had gotten 11 items there for less than $20. [Four flavors blasted, four regular cheddar, one pouch of cookies, and two backs full of tiny cheddar boxes. Each back has 6 mini boxes.]

[I had gotten candy and soda from another location before we reached the place but I didn't count it. But I also wanted to mention it since the stuff was unique. A fruit punch soda and Shirly Temple soda. The candy includes Dr Pepper jelly beans, Regal Crown sour cherry, and strawberry Milka bar.]

There was a bit of a sidetrack to a thrift store because Aunt wanted to want a watch. She wasn't able to find one but I did happen to find a tiny fridge I was thinking of buying. It was the exact same type and color I've been wanting to buy. It was much cheaper than I would have paid normally. I just need a replacement plus, but that won't be hard. In fact, if I really want to use it now I could use the plug from my CD player.

The second main shop we were planning on doing was a Lindt store. The main goal is their truffle balls. They had a deal in which I was able to get 100 for around 30. On top of someone else paying for the chocolate, the order included a free tote. It was cute.

Had bubble tea after that. I had matcha with strawberry bubbles.

Though it wasn't part of the original plan we stopped by a Target and I was able to find the exfoliating cleanser I like. I used to get it from Ulta, but Target was cheaper.

Friday [29]

Today I was quite tired. I went along with my aunt in her quest to find a watch. She also wanted to find colored pencils while there. I think there was a place we went to before that. But for some reason, I don't remember it. [Though I did remember it was a Sketchers store because she wanted new shoes. I went along to see if I could find something I liked to buy later. I have a single pair that is getting old and worn. Though I don't need a new pair I thought it would be nice for the sake of having a selection.] Del Taco after for fries.

The one thing I wasn't looking for was assisting in getting a toilet. While there I ended up getting pencils I didn't need.

Saturday [30] Yesterday as of writing this.

I wasn't as tired yesterday. But was still out of the house most of the day. We started the day by seeing a movie. It was Ghost Busters. Had a cherry vanilla cola with a bit of creme soda added in.

Went for dinner at a BBQ place after that. After a trip to 5 Below Mom wanted to get some coloring books. I thought I'd check that they had. I got some surprise keychains. Two there were a My Melody Kuromi set and the other two were Five Nights at Freddy's. With the My Melody Kuromi set I got two of the same Kuromi. Though I had been hoping for Kuromi it sucked they were both the same. Aunt got the extra. For FNAF I got a one of Monty and one of Roxy.

For a coloring book, I found one themed after Astoigy. Mom got me two more. Succulents and nature.

Sunday [31]

Since it's still morning we have quite a bit planned. Not as much but still might be out of the house for a good portion of the day.

The first would be Easer lunch. Mom got reservations at a banquet hall. Later we would pick up Grandma. [The trip on Thursday also involved dropping her off to spend time with another aunt. We're probably picking her up later today or tomorrow. Most likely today. I don't know for sure.]

[manoshgeeechs]

Journey IIMB - Part 1

Year 2017 Oct :Got placed

Year 2018 Jun : Joins work

2018 onwards: kelsa eno sigtu.pretty well paying job. innu enaadru doddadu maadbekalla.. what to do? Let's figure out while working.

By 2019…

*Badly frustrated about the IT culture. Negligent eating habits, drinking habits 🤮.

Eww! This shitty culture. I don't want to continue here. Just want get lost and out of this!

To worsen this, health starts deteriorating, life losses of close people*

Maybe ISRO? DRDO? Reads things on Quora, pretty irritated! NAH! You get stuck into the system and get into the circles of a typical sluggish govt job.

So what? Govt job is peaceful ! Let's give it a try to ISRO scientist

*Badly fails 🥲*

Let's write Railway Exams

*Pathetically fails 🥵*

Maybe, not my cup of tea. What's common to all these ? GATE

Haa ! GATE se yaad aaya . People also opt go for Higher studies. I am either doing it in a premium institute or not doing it.

Wait… Three options i know of :

Go to a foreign country to study (Chancey illaa, no wayy!)

M.B.A ( WHAT'S THE COURSE FEE😲? SOOO COSTLY? Nonsense!! And people ussually do this to become managers. Paapa! MANAGERgala Naayi padu nodakke aagtilla illi 🤣. Beda idu)

M.Tech (Hmm. Technology thrills me. I have started loving Datascience . It's an ocean. I am not getting bored at all. Let's do some masters in this. Changing domain now makes no sense)

*Agressively reaches out to people and starts researching. Decides I myself will take the decision about my education this time. (Why? Big story! Adella weekend with Ramesh ge irli 😜)*

Ok . After a patent in work , let's leave the job, join some coaching centre and prepare for GATE .. M.Tech … Lecturer in some college .. life settle 😃🙃😀💭💭. Ahaa .kanse esht chenaagide

Year 2020 - * Boom 💥 CORONA. LOCKDOWN 💥 💥 💥 . NEVER KNOW WHEN EVERYTHING WILL BE NORMAL AGAIN… EVERYTHING ONLINE … ***

Damn! 😓. Ella plan ulta pulta. Not an online material... Let's study on own.

*Orders study materials. Starts preparing very seriously waking up at 4am and all 😮😮😮😮*

Very soon started burning out. Too much work pressure. Challenging family situations. Multiple lockdowns, no moving out , no stress release anyway!

At some point , it made me think. I am struggling to study what I studied for 4 years. To study for 2 more years. After this too , there's no guarantee of a lecturer job . You need a PhD. 5 more years. To finally earn the same salary i would be earning even if I continued in the same job. Nah! Not making sense for the kind of efforts i am putting. Also, even if i take all these risks and join an IIT, have to stay in the hostel. Eat veg , non-veg hostel's food for 2 years. Compromising food? Nah ! Let's drop the idea of masters. This is also not my cup of coffee , maybe🥲🥲!

*Yavdaadru olle college alli (IIT/IIIT/NIT) alli non-residential course iddu, Mane indane hogo thara degree programme irbaada? Che! Ivella imagination ashte antaddu yaavdu illa. Bidu! Masters beda 😓*

*Didn't even write GATE that year*

But wait, some good thing in life happened.

Music!! Cleared junior exams that year. Chalo life mai kuch toh aim ka accomplishment hua! Continued music

[bisexual-problem]

Instead of buying unnecessary beauty products at superfluous prices, I used my money on:

Donating to the local animal non-profit.

Buying a friend a cookie because she wanted it.

Cards for my grandma to tell her that I love her.

Some embroidery thread for a new art project.

Buying too many used books from the local book store.

Buying a dvd of a movie I liked as a kid.

"Yeah, I do that too on top of spending 300$ at Ulta" okay but what else could you do with that extra 300$? Keep it in your pocket in case of emergencies? Help a loved one in a bad financial situation? Giving it as a graduation gift? Going out for a weekend by yourself? Buying a class on something you always wanted to do????? They're draining you dry on your own insecurities that aren't true. Why give money, your hard earned money, to a company that's like "think you're ugly? Its true! You are ugly! BUT! with our product, you can release your inner beauty!" 😑 you don't need validation, you need a hobby to take your mind off of your anxieties!

[vcnusians]

Sometimes you can tell when people are having trouble dealing with issues. But, sometimes, you can't. People deal with it silently and with a mask of smiles and strength. With those people, it's harder to tell and harder to give the love they need. I just want to tell you that you matter. You're so busy surviving; And that's a huge feat! I'm proud of you. This time of year feels hard as much as there's a lot of hope and optimism for how the rest of the year is going to hold. But just know that you always have someone who cares, who is there for you to reach out, who is proud of you. I'm certainly one of those people. And on a happier note; It's time for me to remind you that you're a little rockstar! You deserve to treat yourself to something sweet, some self-care, and to relax! This week is almost over, and I'm cheering you on! -- 💜💜 Victoria

"If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

HAPPY LATE FWIDAY bestie!!! <3 this is so true. i'll be in hell but smiling and functioning and acting normal when i really wanna cry and these last few weeks have been testing me because i've gotten to see my boyfriend only 3 times so far this month due to sickness and him working overtime and it hurt. i'm an anxious attached girlie so i like to be close to the people i love 24/7, when i'm not i get emotional. but thank you for the love and positivity! i got a new skincare routine with an ulta gift card and i redid my nails and i lit some candles this morning and my room smells like gingerbread cookies and i love it <3 i hope you're having a wonderful and happy weekend!

[bylightofdawn]

So I found out my brother is flying in from CA for two days this weekend and I decided fuck it, I’m going to move forward with that hair color idea.

I made an appointment with Ulta. The lady said with my hair it wouldn’t lighten to the 9 or 10 that it needs to be. She managed to get me to a color actually halfway between 8 and 9. I thought she was going to use one of those ultraviolet toners but instead she picked the most HIDEOUS dingy ash and then she put a root shadow on which was so large and heavy handed it orettt much colored my entire undercut.

ITS FUCKING BROWN when I paid her to make me a pale blonde. And there was zero sign of any violet or lavender . So I went to target and they had a lavender grey hair color which was permanent which I did not notice and the reviews online were like 1.2 stars I ended up using just the developer and it lightened my hair somewhat.

And from there I took this arctic fox semi permanent color and mixed it in with a shit ton of conditioner in hopes it would deposit a more pastel color because the color hat online made me think I’d get a murky color because my hair is still too light.

Well it didn’t deposit any color but it did do a nice job of toning my hair. Tomorrow I’m going to Ulta and picking up a more COVID color of purple since I think that will deposit the color nicely.

Before and after. It’s still not what I wanted but I managed to get most of that awful grunge ash out of my hair.

And the lavender did help to tone down the brass I was of the second bleaching.

I’ve never bleached my hair in my life so I was freaking out the whole time. Also, somehow my hair is not completely fried which is a major win since my hair is naturally a dark brown and I technically bleached it twice though the second time was just the developer and had not lightener in it. I am definitely going to get my poor hair arrest after I do the next Demi color.

Okay it’s 2:00 I’m going to bed

[something-tofightfor]

Please do not feel bad for the late reply. Life happens and I completely understand :) I'm glad last Saturday went well and I hope that you have a chill, relaxing weekend! As for me, I have some schoolwork I need to take a look at, but as for fun stuff? My sister and I have been really enjoying playing acnh in our basement and hanging out, and that has been fun. I also want to do some self care stuff since I got some goodies from Ulta yesterday. Should be a good day :)

my poor ACNH island is probably covered in frigging weeds because i haven't logged in in 6 months. oops.

i remember during 2020, i played that game from basically the time i woke up until the time i went to bed for a LONG stretch - i had like 500+ hours into it. It was bad.

What did you get from ulta? We have to go in there sometime soon because my boyfriend's out of beard wash/beard oil, and they carry the brand he likes.

[jamieroxxartist]

I am Super-Proud of my Wife Dani.  Yesterday was her last day at a job she had had for A Long time, a real long time...  She was a Manager at Ulta and decided to make a change.  It wasn't an easy decision for her.   But change is always good, it's how we grow.

She's actually changing work directions and going to work in a Specialty Boutique Wedding Gown Shop.  So that's exciting. Last days are always hard though, especially when you've been at a job a long time.  You make relationships and friendships and you get into a routine.  Changing any of those is always hard. So to de-stress she and her sister headed up Disneyworld and a resort for a few days.  So that is cool and fun.  

Me and Mei Ling (and the cats and snake) are all holding down the fort here at home.  Which is fine, because I just got asked to do a new show.  7 Big Paintings of Pop Art, Pop Culture Icons!  The first of which I have been working on this weekend.  The thing with shows is they need one for advance Promo, so I'm getting it done, to get over to them.  The others I'll have a few weeks to knock those out.  One of the things with being somewhat successful in this biz is I rarely (if ever) have any backstock of Paintings lying around.  You can't just grab something off the shelf.  And plus every show, every gallery has a different theme for their particular event and audience, so you got to be able to work in those parameters and adjust as needed.   Now this is super-exciting, but I also have to finish up the big 8 Painting order from my Vintage Race Car collector.  And also the Valentines commissions that rolled in.  So my nose has been (and will be) to the grindstone and I've been pushing a lot of paint around.  These are all good things. Very good things.  Never complain about too much work.  

So being home while Dani and her Sister are up at Disney kind of works out.  I'm really knuckled down with work.   Now on top of all the Painting work, I have 3 podcast shows this week as well.  So the hive is definitely buzzing, and that's a very good thing. :)

[ceruleanchillin]

5 Day Stay

| Or, Angel down bad for a week |

Angel x F!Reader

Warnings: language, infidelity, Angst (?), lil bit chili spice at the end

Mon:

Angel felt he was too young to consistently feel so bone-tired, yet that’s how his day had been ending for weeks now. Sometimes it was all he could do to get off his bike and make it to the door, only to have to rest his head against it to prepare to make it to the couch and collapse.

Tonight was one of those nights, and he wanted to be dead to the world until it dragged him back into it.

It was the smell of mixed spices that hit him first. It felt like he was in suspended animation, and slowly being released as different things started to register to him.

His TV was on, someone was rummaging through his kitchen, and music played faintly from his desk. Thinking back to the last time an unwanted guest was in his kitchen, he placed a hand on the holstered knife fastened to his back.

The fridge door closed, and you appeared in the window, eyes focused intently on whatever you were cooking on the stove.

He exhaled, feeling like complete shit. It only spoke to how weary his mind was that he could forget you were staying with him for the next week. Especially after the conversation that led to it.

“I don’t know Angel…really I can afford a motel for a few days.”

“Here? Rusted-through pipes will be the last thing your landlord is worried about when you bring back bedbugs and shit.”

Your eyes had widened at that, but still you brought up the thing that had been chained to your hesitation. “I mean….do you think it’s ok to do this? After we…Nails..Ang-“

He remembered a flash of irritation, more so at himself than you, when you said that. “Yes querida, fuck. If you’re so scared, I most likely won’t even be there the way things are going. Nails is out of town til’ next weekend…”

“Relax Ignacio.” you had cut your eyes at him, and he’d felt his dick jump like it did whenever you gave him attitude. “I’m just not trying to be a problem.”

Your voice calling his name brought him to the present. He caught the last part of your statement, that you didn’t know he’d be back.

“Yeah, we got in earlier than expected.”

“While you’re standing there like a weirdo, let me shame you real quick. How does a man in his thirties still have the kitchen of a frat boy?” You leaned on the sill of the divider. “You’re lucky I already knew you were sad in the kitchen. I had to bring my own tagine.”

He stepped into the kitchen, his stomach coming alive with interest. “One, I don’t know what that is, two, I can’t help it if the kitchen isn’t my preferred room of work.”

He peeked over your shoulder, but the unique pot kept him from seeing what you were making.

“Neither is the bedroom, unless that work is piling up dirty laundry.” you stuck your tongue out at him and turned back to your simmering dish.

“Ha ha. Dinner and a show, she does it all folks!” he collapsed at the table, the day catching back up with him. “Should put your ass on the club’s payroll. End the cashflow problem real quick.”

You turned to him, concern etched on your face. “I heard from Hank about that…sorry. I know now isn’t a great time for that at all.”

Things got awkward like they always did when you referenced the recent changes of his life. He wasn’t sad about getting another chance at fatherhood, this one more tangible than the last. However, he wasn’t entirely sold on everything he’d accepted along with it, and he was pretty sure you at least suspected that. It threw the previously comfortable confusion that was your relationship off track when it was touched on.

“No, it’s not.” was all he could manage.

It was quiet for a beat, the simmering of the food and quiet Neo Soul the only sounds.

“Well,” you started, turning off the burner. “At least you don’t have to eat like a ‘we got food at the house’ meme for once.”

He laughed, a genuine and needed laugh. “Ok, you know what? Keep talking about my pantry stocking skills, and I might take it personally.”

The rest of his night went that way. Anytime you and Angel got together, things were just…easy…better. You spent the evening eating in front of the TV (Angel getting all the way to thirds for what turned out to be olive chicken and roasted potatoes), trading jokes, and going over the finer points of Golden Girls. Angel learned you took it very seriously, and mocked you for being “old”.

It wasn’t until you were nodding off, and he was left with his own thoughts, that he realized he hadn’t enjoyed coming home this much since he moved in.

Tues:

Angel had dreamed he’d been back in his childhood home, but as a grown man. There was music coming from his parent’s room, and when he got to the doorway, his mom was at her dressing table. She hummed along to the soulful seventies music and smiled at him from the mirror. She said something, but he couldn’t make it out, and woke up in the frustration.

He jerked up from his position on his stomach, and slowly came to. With a grunt he wiped his hand down his face, glancing at his phone to find it was six in the afternoon.

It then occurred to him the music wasn’t just in his dream, it was coming from his bathroom. He got off the couch and followed the sound.

“Hey coma head.” you grinned at him from where you were doing your makeup.

He shook his head, trying to let go of the last vestiges of the dream, and how eerie the scene before him was.

He focused instead on the nightmare of products and alien looking tools surrounding you.

He kind of liked the mess, even if he couldn’t see the counter anymore.

“Hey hurricane Ulta.”

You made a face that was a cross between being amused and suspicious. “You sleep in your jeans and buy your shirts in pack form. Don’t act like you know what that is.”

He made a face of mock offense. “That’s so classist.”

This time you paused completely in you what you were doing and twisted your body to meet him. “Uh oh…let me find out you’re actually learning something from EZ.”

“Angel Reyes can know something about something, damn.”

You laughed, lowering your hands from where you’d been lining your eyes to avoid a mistake. “I’m only teasing you Angel Reyes.”

“Looks like you plan on teasing more than me. Some clown is gonna get his hopes and tiny dick up for nothing.”

“There’s this new club in the city that Belinda’s getting us into. It’s bad luck to buy your own drinks on the first night at a new place.” you adjusted the bodycon mini-dress for emphasis. “You doing anything?”

“Club shit.” he started picking through the products, sniffing them every so often. “Then I think I’ve got a call with Nails at some point.”

“You think?” you popped his hands when he got too close to the good stuff, or the things you were using currently.

“Yeah..I think.” he shrugged, only realizing how short he sounded when you winced.

He didn’t know why he got so annoyed when she was brought up around you. He wasn’t like that with anyone else, and he knew you were only trying to support his incoming changes.

“Ok..”

Awkward silence settled in before he found the words to break it.

“Why do you wanna know? You want me to be that clown?”

“Never.” you pinched his cheek, tone pure saccharine jest.

He muttered in Spanish, stepping around you to the toilet.

“Angel!” you exclaimed.

“What?! It’s my bathroom, I have to piss.”

“You better never make me angry Reyes, I could end your whole Casanova game with ease."

Wed:

“You holding on a little tight there mami!” Angel called over his shoulder with a laugh. “You said go fast."

“Shut up!” you giggled, but he wasn’t lying.

You’d asked Angel to take you to work on his bike since even though you spent so much time with bikers, you hardly got to ride one. You were going to the same place anyways. He had been all too happy to shake up his commute, but your speed challenge took it over the top.

He didn’t know how you were up so early, he personally felt like the bags under his eyes were like a PEZ dispenser. You’d gotten in at two am, and still got up with him at eight.

He loved watching you in the morning, you managed to be cheerful without being obnoxious, and it worked better than coffee for him.

He loved how much he was learning about you.

As he pulled onto the street beside the cafe you’d asked him to stop at, he felt your arms uncoil from around him. He may have pretended to shift just to make you pause and hold him a few seconds longer, but he wasn’t going to acknowledge that.

“I didn’t scream, and I’m not shaking, so you still have to buy my breakfast.” You unclipped your helmet, grinning the whole time.

You looked so pretty to him, with the sun hitting your eyes and hair just right. He could catch you at just the right moment, and you’d look so gorgeous, he struggled to believe you were real.

He cleared his throat, afraid his voice would crack if he didn’t. “Fair enough, come break my pockets then.”

You laughed, squeezing his chin and pointing out his pout. “You don’t even have to tell me once sir, I know my worth.”

Once inside, he trailed after you to the counter, using your head like an arm rest when you reached it. “That’s good.”

“Boy!” You swatted his hand away, and it was his turn to laugh at your adorable pout.

“New bet,” he stepped around you while the customer ahead of you wrapped up. “If I get your entire order just right, you buy lunch.”

“Deal.” you leaned on the counter, eyebrow raised at him in challenge.

Angel knew the best part of his day would be watching your expression go from smug to shocked out of the corner of his eye. He nailed every pastry, the iced coffee, and their preparation with ease.

The simultaneously impressed and amused barista looked to you for confirmation. She got a shocked nod in response.

“I know my worth too mama, so don’t skimp on lunch.”

“Fair enough.” You shook off your shock as you repeated his earlier words and shrugged. “Can’t complain I guess. I trained my work husband too well.”

He scoffed loudly, and the two of you went back to swapping smart ass barbs while he tried to ignore the lingering dip his stomach did when referred to him as “husband”.

Thurs:

Angel was a grown man, with years of grown man experience, yet he was sitting on the edge of his bed feeling like a teenager again.

The end of your stay was nearing, and every time he thought about you going back home, he felt weird. He was pretty sure that’s why he’d been a little snappy and annoyed easily at the club the past couple days. He just wasn’t ready to delve into that too much.

Regardless, he had to admit you had some growing effect over him. All morning, while he should’ve been resting and preparing for a charter visit, he was fighting off hard-ons thanks to you.

“Can I borrow your kitchen for the day Angel?” He mimicked your voice in a nasally mocking tone. “I’ll save you some when I’m done baking.”

He’d thought nothing of it when you asked the night before. Really didn’t even feel like you had to at that point.

He realized why when he saw that the desserts you were making for your friend’s brunch were elaborate as hell. The effort took all your attention, and unfortunately for him, his too.

You were baking a lot more than dessert and didn’t even know it.

Now he was hiding in his room, fighting off arousal he knew wasn’t appropriate. You weren’t his and he wasn’t yours.

That didn’t change the fact that you in a short silk lounge set, singing in French (how the hell did you know French?), doing domestic things in his home, did it for him.

He ran a hand over his hair, still damp from his cold shower, and forced himself to finish getting dressed. He had to be ready to face a room of dangerous bikers and prove his patched in worth. He couldn’t be thinking of weird little fantasies and parallels to his parent’s marriage.

He must’ve zoned out again, because you startled him enough to almost make him hit his wardrobe.

“Oh my god Angel try this! I think I did magic.” You excitedly thrust a red cookie his way.

Angel took the offered treat, and found it was a red velvet cookie. “It’s fucking good mi dulce.”

“Really?” You looked so hopeful, so beautiful, that he would’ve lied if the situation called for it.

“Yes, but you know you kill it in the kitchen.” He turned away to put on the flannel he’d fished out.

Now you were in his personal space, smelling amazing, and all his senses were under attack. He couldn’t trust Angel jr. at the moment.

“Baking is different. It’s a whole thing for me...I go all in.”

“I noticed your little Broadway production in my kitchen.” He kneeled down, pretending to look for his shoes as something to do while you were there.

“Don’t shame me.” You pressed your foot into his back, gently pushing him. “It makes for better results.”

‘shit.’ He cursed mentally at the contact.

Luckily, he heard you turn to leave the room. “Oh, EZ said to tell you to hurry up or pick up your phone.”

He rose up once you were gone and checked his phone. Sure enough, he had several missed calls and texts from Gilly, Coco, and EZ. He cursed aloud this time and finished getting ready, determined not to get distracted again.

Of course, his boys having to physically come in and get him when he did just that destroyed that promise.

Fri:

It had come down to the last night of your stay with him, and what he thought was a favor to a good friend, turned out to be more for his benefit.

The hell with the club seemed so far away when he was home now, and he’d laughed more times that week than he had the previous few months total.

Tonight though… Tonight had him so in his head he didn’t know if he was coming or going.

You, sensing something was going on with him, had invited EZ and Felipe to dinner. He didn’t know how you got the latter to agree, his dad had never even been in his home before, but you did it. It went over a hell of a lot better than the last time they tried it too.

The missteps that reared their head when his family tried to talk to each other at length were mitigated by you. You were the perfect buffer, able to get them to engage with you and then each other.

He saw his family in an unfamiliar, but favorable light. His father was actually enjoying his time with him in his house. He knew that night wouldn’t have happened if not for you.

Now, as he distractedly dried the dishes you’d washed, listening to you hit all of the high notes in Loving You, it hit him.

‘She should be my wife’ the thought came so quick, and was so loud he almost jumped, confused if it came from him or someone else.

“Hey dishwasher-less!” you nudged him with your hip. “Move those hands.”

“Why can’t we be a thing?” he blurted.

You dropped the silverware you’d been washing, eyes wide and focused on him. “Um..excuse m-…what?”

He knew that wasn’t the most tactful way to introduce his thoughts to you, but it was his way. Fuck…he didn’t even understand them fully himself.

“You heard me querida,” he put the dish down on the counter, turning to you. “When I stayed with you that weekend that my head was all fucked up-“

“Angel.” your tone made it a warning, but he kept going. He was never afraid of a challenge.

“I was inside you so much that weekend I forgot that’s not how I came in this world. I can’t believe I’m saying it out loud, but I felt home cause I was with you-”

“Stop it!” you hit the sink, rattling the contents.

“Fuck that!” he shouted back, startling you both. He stayed silent for a moment before speaking in a calmer tone. “Fuck that. Why can’t we talk about it? Why couldn’t we talk about it then?”

You didn’t say anything, but he saw your chest heaving with adrenaline, and realized you were just as affected by the conversation as he was.

“You just decided it didn’t matter and put it in this space we can’t touch now. It’s all fucked up!”

“Because,” you hissed. “If you remember, it was all over that Adelita chick, and I don’t know what kind of hold she has or had over you, but it was deep.”

He cringed at that, and turned his attention to the light fixture over your head, unable to meet your heated gaze.

“Whatever feelings I have for you Angel, I put them away in a place where I can still be your friend and keep things in perspective.”

“Feelings you have for me?” he latched on to the lack of past tense, hopeful.

You inhaled sharply. “You are having a baby and just got engaged. What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing..I mean a lot, but nothing to do with this. I know-“

“I know,” you pushed away from the sink and reached up to cup his cheeks. “That you’re scared Angel. You’re scared, because you’re gonna take two steps you’ve never taken before at once, and you’re trying to sabotage it.”

He shook his head, taking your hands from his face and holding them tightly in his own. “No..mi dulce, no. I’ve been struggling with this all week, longer if I’m being honest. Tonight sealed it.”

You snorted humorlessly, looking around the kitchen as if something in the room would help you get through to him. “I cook you some big boy meals, and treat your speakers to some musical taste, and you’re ready for vows?”

“Don’t put this all on me. Tell me you don’t feel it. Right here and now, to my face.”

He watched your expression soften, and let you put one hand back on his face, your thumb gently stroking his cheek. “Ok, I can’t do that, but I also can’t just fall into a situation with you either.”

He scoffed and shook his head. “We both know we didn’t just fall into anything. We sat here and let it build and didn’t say shit, and now I have to. This week just made it too real not to.”

He placed his forehead to yours, his own hands cupping your face. “Please…”

He watched you have an internal battle by your changing features before you finally leaned into him. The moment you did, his lips were on yours.

He knew it was more than just a kiss a few seconds in. Everything he’d felt that the previous week was alive and confirmed between you too. He could feel you telling him you had moments like his own.

He palmed your thighs under your sundress before grasping them tightly and lifting you up. He placed you on the counter while you two separated for air. Your chests heaved in unison, and neither of you had to say you wanted the other touching you again before it happened.

He gripped your hair, tilting your head back for access to your neck. The smell of vanilla and cocoa butter surrounded him as he worked his mark all over your skin.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, and you pressed yourself against his jeans.

He hated he couldn’t feel the heat he knew was emitting from your core through the thick material of his jeans, and slid his other hand up your thigh to your panties.

Your entire body twitched when he ran his fingers over you through the thin cloth. It wasn’t just hot it was soaked.

“You need me that bad mami?” he pulled away from your neck, satisfied with his work, and beginning to work at his jeans.

“And quick.” you breathed into his ear, your tone and the sensation making him shudder.

The ache against his jeans didn’t need to be told twice to find its way into your heat. He slid your panties to side and pressed his thumb against you. You jumped, whimpering your need again, and he pulled your panties way from you.

You’d gotten them around one ankle before he was inside of you, and they were no longer your focus.

You clung to each other so tightly there’d be evidence on both of you.

In the quiet, he wondered if your mind was racing with the same thoughts that his was. What now? How do we get this again?

He pressed kisses to your cheek just as he started to move. You inhaled, your nails sliding down his back. Not quite catching the skin, but enough to set him on fire all the same.

He mapped out a rhythm by your whimpers and how you grasped at him until he crafted the right one.

This was the conversation he’d needed. Every thrust from him, every cry from you, every bit of give and take to heighten the other’s pleasure. The two of you were admitting that everything that was between you was deeper, realer than you’d wanted to admit. He loved you, and you loved him, and you were engraving that on one another.

The flirtation, the way you could be yourselves around each other, the heatless jabs. Good friends was always a ruse.

Your face was buried in his neck, and when he felt dampness he knew came from your tears, he hiked your legs higher, moving deeper.

You cried out so loudly it echoed in the kitchen, drowning out the soft crooning of an eighties songstress.

“I know baby, I feel it too.” his voice was choked by the threat of tears of his own.

He’d never been here before. Not with Adelita, not even close with Nails. He was terrified. Terrified for it to end because he never felt so good. Terrified for it to end because it might never happen again.

“Angel..” your voice sounded so small, but it was strong enough to anchor him back with you. “I’m close, I’m so close.”

“Let go,” he encouraged. “Let me have it querida.”

Your body seized up with your release, his name the only thing he caught in your unintelligible babble.

You clenched up repeatedly in the aftershocks, and that drug him over the edge with you, biting your shoulder.

His vision tunneled, pinpricks of pleasure traveling up and down his spine. Your hands smoothed up and down the area, and he realized it was because he was shuddering.

He gripped the counter for support, pulling back slowly. He was searching for a way to ask if he’d changed your mind, but the act hadn’t made words for his thoughts any easier to find.

It didn’t matter, before he could even speak you stopped him. Your eyes were glazed over with tears that had nothing to do with pleasure this time.

“That was all that I can give you Angel. It’s not right, none of this is, but it’s all I can give you.”

AN:

Am I the only one who wishes she had reference photos for their home/club layouts? Lol, it’s such a weird non-factor thing, but still. From memory, I’m pretty sure Angel only has one bedroom though.

No shade, no hate but this was partially inspired by how over Nails Angel looked when she was putting her back into it….🥴

I played with a few canon-timeline things + knocked the dust off my smut writing ability (I’m going under my humiliation rock now, no calls plz)

[blkgrlchasingfit]

Self-Concept Work (Day 7)

Happy New Year!

Today was definitely a lazy day of reflection. It's rainy and temperate where I'm at so not a lot was going on outside today. I started my day, upon waking, with my affirmations and said them again mid-day.

Today was a bit of a struggle keeping my mind off of negative things (not pertaining to me specifically, but just negative things in general).

I worked out today and I think I've found my sweet spot for physically intense workouts to be between 3:30 to 6:30 pm. I have to work that out on how it will look during the weekdays, but since I'm still 100% remote with my 9-to-5 job, I don't think it should be too much of an issue. Yoga and Pilates work best for me when I do them in the morning as soon as I wake up.

I must admit. Working out helps me also be more aware of my thoughts, more confident in my affirmations, and just feel better all around. That's a no-brainer for people who are already fit, but for those of us just starting our journey, revelations like this are amazing.

Goals for January 2022

I've decided to make my goals for January fairly straightforward. The journey to 100% vegan keto is going to take awhile and I'm ok with that. A phased approach, at least at this point, will likely work best for me. So here are my goals:

Continue doing daily work to improve my self-concept (affirmations, etc.)

Aim to eat meat free for 85% of my meals this month

Create and implement a workout routine that I enjoy

Working on my pretty

A simple fold-out desk was purchased from Amazon to be a vanity. Not being a makeup girl, I want and need to start! A tri-fold makeup mirror was also purchased. I have no time this weekend, but I'll set everything up next weekend and post it😄

Since I'm all about learning so I can level up, I've booked a 1:1 Beginner Makeup class with a local makeup artist who has done my makeup before--it's a one time 3 hours class. She's a Black woman so I don't have the usual fears about her not understanding how to match foundation and concealer to my skin, etc. I always suffer from anxiety whenever a non-Black makeup artist approaches me in Sephora, Ulta, or at the M.A.C counter (for those rare occasions in the past when I had a desire to purchase makeup). The class is later this month and I'll definitely let y'all know how it goes!

My lack of desire truly stems from lack of knowing how to do my own makeup. I have several Pinterest boards filled with women with their makeup beautifully done.

Oh, I've also scheduled to have a facial and wax this month. I had start implementing monthly visits to a local esthetician in September 2021, but work got crazy last month so I had to cancel my appointment. I enjoyed that monthly routine.

Here's to stepping outside of my comfort zone and moving forward, one strategic step at a time, towards the life of my wildest dreams!🥂

[helpingmehelpmyself]

So my night has ended in shit. I made the reoccurring mistake of trying to have an adult conversation with my mother about how certain things she does affects me and makes me feel bad. This is a mistake I keep making, hoping that our relationship improves. What really happens is her feeling attacked and yelling at me which makes me want to cry and not share my feelings with her. But then later I forget the absolute shit I feel like and she repeats behavior or I notice I'm bottling up a negative emotion and I repeat the process of trying to have an adult conversation.

Today was my graduation photos which have been planned by my mom for a few weeks now. Mom did the planning, I didn't know what was to happen or any changes that had been made. I mentioned to my boyfriend that I'll have my photos taken and he asks if he should dress up. I'm thinking this is only going to be a small family thing so I say no. We still decided to have Dutch Bros before the photoshoot together and he decided to help with the photoshoot. I mentioned to my brother last week that I was getting my hair done for this and he mentioned he'd be there. I asked mom about it in which she said that is the same weekend we'd have my niece so yes and then she pulls out a dress for my niece. (My brother also decided that was his way of telling mom he'd be there which we hate when he does that because we don't talk to each other like that.) My dad calls me a few days ago needing a ride to the area, which isn't uncommon. I said "oh, what are you coming here for?" And he says the photoshoot. First time I hear of him. So to both of those times, I said I know nothing about the operation of the photoshoot.

Photoshoot comes today and everyone is in the house getting ready. Brother's girlfriend/niece's mother is there doing mom's makeup and changes into a dress for the photoshoot. My cousin drives my dad to the house and ends up sticking around helping with the shoot (not in it). We arrive to the university for photos and my dad and cousin are just like "why is your boyfriend not dressed?" I tell them because it was never mentioned that he'd be in the photos (I didn't even think he'd be helping with the photos). They continue to tell me I should have assumed because we are dating and that I really had no excuse for preparing him. So I send him home to change. I feel like shit because I continue to feel like there is a theory by other people that because my boyfriend is soft spoken and always ready to make me happy that he's the god given saint and I'm just this chaotic chick who was lucky to find someone to deal with and that she probably walks over (previous comments made before and during this relationship kinda make me feel like that's everyone's theory). So I feel like a shit as girlfriend in front of my family and when I explain to them I don't assume when it comes to mom because it leads to her yelling at me. I'm trying to make today a yell free day (I was close but failed at 10pm). So he changes, comes back, we all take photos.

We did a bit of walking and I was in stiletto heels my mom picked out for me. They were cute but uncomfortable. My feet were in pain and I made it clear that I was in pain generally. But I didn't feel safe telling my mom that these shoes are now uncomfortable because previous comments she's made in the past sounds like she doubts my ability to walk in heels, which bothers me. At one point, I was going to take them off for the walk and my dad told me not to. Thankfully, my boyfriend gave me a piggy back ride for a bit. (Unfortunately I am gaining some weight so I think that made it more difficult for him to carry me.)

We go to lunch together then everyone (minus boyfriend who is now at work) congregates to my uncle's house and have a kickback. It wasn't until I watched a TikTok about a new lipstick to realize it triggered me to earlier events today. We're taking photos and what I recall is mom whining where is my lipstick. I do wear makeup but I don't normally wear lipstick so I had gloss on. I say that and mom scoffed, rolled her eyes, changed her body language, something that tells me not having lipstick was not her preference.

I found myself stuck on these things to the point of ranting to other people a few times throughout the day. I decided that maybe having a conversation with her would help so we could clear the air and try to work things out. I try to have calm, adult conversations in which both sides are heard and respected. This didn't go that way and it never does.

I came home and asked her if we could talk downstairs away from everyone so this is a conversation between me and her. I told her I just wanted to talk about some things that happened today that didn't make me feel good and that it was hard coming to her because I'm afraid of her labeling me as sensitive (which she has done and it feels like it is more to excuse others actions and place blame on me. For example, she tells me I have bad hair in front of my brother and his girlfriend. When I tell her there is no such thing as good hair, it's how you take care of the hair you were born with and continued to go along with it, she calls me sensitive. Her whole thing was she and my brother have good hair and I should have been born with it too. I interpret the sensitive label as her not finding issue with what she said/did and put the issue on me). So I try to explain to her the above things and how it makes me feel. She gets defensive, yells at me (which leads to me crying), and says I'm making things out of nothing and I'm trying to blame my whole life issues on her. Despite crying, I continue to try and deescalate by letting her speak/yell, respond calmly with "okay" and "I understand", and trying to be an adult. (I tell people I can't have adult conversations with my mom and this is what I mean). I am listening to her and how she only planned for her to be in the pictures. She did invite my brother but he doesn't normally come to my functions so she'd take my niece as some part of him if he didn't show up. My dad also tries to come out here once and awhile so she offered him a ride for when she picks up my niece. Basically, I think my family members misinterpreted as everyone, including my brother's girlfriend, being involved. My mom didn't say anything but rolled with it. She mentioned to her boyfriend (who I don't think originally was going to be in the photos until everyone tagged along) that she didn't invite my brothers girlfriend to be in these photos, doesn't know how to tell her that, and is afraid of my boyfriend thinking that she was rude for inviting everyone but him. But the thing is, nothing is communicated to me about the event. I feel that if I would have known what my mom was planning, I would have rolled with punches as well. Tell me what your original plans were so I don't get "bent out of shape" (mom's words) when people come at me with why I didn't do this or that.

She didn't register what I meant about the lipstick, heels and being labelled sensitive. For the lipstick, she says they put lipstick on you at Ulta when they do your makeup there so that was... An assumption I should have made? And assumption she made? I don't know but I haven't had my makeup done by them in five years and I do my makeup differently. I don't even own lipstick and haven't worn any in like 3+ years. For the heels, she said/yelled I should have told her they were uncomfortable (they weren't when I made sure they fit, I never had to walk in them previously) or that I wanted shorter heels or wider wedges which wasn't the point. The point was I didn't feel comfortable telling her directly they were uncomfortable because past actions made me believe she'd think less of me. For the sensitivity thing, in which I tried to explain she also said things like this while I was growing up, she took that as me placing all blame on her. Not the fact that I don't like to be called sensitive and it makes me feel like she is placing blame on my emotions. When I tried to clarify that part, she told me I need to stop doing that.

Afterwards she asks if there is anything else and I said I think the conversation is done. She agrees, stomps off, and continues to talk about how I am trying to find things to blame on her. I go to the kitchen, cry, and put things away. She asks me how to remove her false lashes and I say peel them off. I go to my room, cry some more, and write this post.

I didn't expect anything to change, I actually did predict all of this happening. I still did it because I was pissed off that I was still pissed off. And some part of me hopes this will lead to better communication with my mom which I have past evidence of that not being the case. I end up sadder than before and she ends up pissed off, possibly thinking I'm ungrateful, against her, whatever.

I don't want my children to feel this way. I don't want anyone to feel this way with me. I want to be able to have calm conversations with people in which things can be resolved or we can understand each other better. I want there to be respect, regardless of the differences in opinion, lifestyle, whatever. Thankfully, I feel like I am doing a good job incorporating that into my relationships minus my family ones. Mostly my mom but my brother has his moments too.

My brother also understands where I'm coming from when it comes to things like this. My mom isn't exactly what I would call emotionally available. My brother began to resent it before I did. I think having his daughter and having my mom be involved made it better. I think my brother also tried to have similar conversations with my mom that backfired. He says she was raised in a time/way that family members could say/do whatever and you have no choice but to get over it because they're family. The thing is, my mom taught us cut off culture very early in life. My birth father and his family are cut off. She's cut off some of her family members. I actually cut off her former boss/family friend for inappropriate comments he made about me sexually and comments he made about my boyfriend who's white which I told her about and she didn't listen to until my brother and father were like "yeah we know why she cut him off and we're glad she did" (she actually went on the try to get my brother and father to tell her why and I told them not to say anything because I had already told her I was cutting him off to her face because of inappropriate comments. She said okay and asked no follow up questions. For this moment, it felt like she wanted to know just because everyone else did, not for my own wellbeing in which she would have listened to me when I told her to her face).

But yeah, my mom is not horrible. Far from it. It's mostly the lack of emotional availability and the issue of accountability (for everyone, not just her). But I wouldn't be surprised that once I moved out and became self sufficient that I cut her off too. There is enough trauma that I'm not given a right to fix or find closure with her and it affects me. I want it not to. I want to move on with my life. If that means moving on from my mother, I should be okay with that

[purplesurveys]

1143

survey by brock-checkitout

Do you like cheese? Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.

What type of shampoo do you use? Dove.

Do turtles make you happy? I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))

Name one person who snores in their sleep. Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.

Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses? Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???

Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown? That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.

Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars? Just the cookies and cream variant.

What smiley face do you use the most? :) I very rarely use others.

What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.

Do you listen to rap? Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.

Look at something green, does it have batteries in it? That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER? Ink and paper.

What is the last cuss word you said out loud? Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.

Do you like cows? Sure.

What kind of car does your mother drive? These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.

What do you get in your tacos? I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.

What is your opinion on blueberries? As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.

Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick? Nopes.

Is there a bottle of lotion near you? There isn’t.

Name one person that you know that smokes. Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.

What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.

Are any of your friends vegetarians? No.

What is one phrase that you hate hearing? “All lives matter” really pisses me off.

Can you name four presidents right now? Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.

What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD? A jacket.

Do you currently own a cat? Nope.

What do you think of Ulta? I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.

Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke? No.

Do you like classical music? Sure, some.

What is your opinion on Oreos? I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc. 

Do you like Chips-Ahoy? No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.

What did ya think of this survey? It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.

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survey by carolynnnnonia

1. What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30ish.

2. When did you take your default picture? It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.

3. Are you hungry? Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.

4. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.

5. When was the last time you ate ice cream? I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.

6. What computer game is in your CPU? I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.

7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn? You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.

8. What color is your winter jacket?

9. Do you have any siblings? Yup.

10. Would you call yourself skinny? Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.

11. Does your phone take pictures? Yes, 2008 survey, it does.

12. Who is your favorite neighbor? They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.

13. Do you wish at 11:11? No.

14. Have you ever gotten a detention? We don’t have detention here.

15. Do you still watch Disney Channel? Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.

16. Who did you last IM? Angela.

17. Who is your least favorite teacher? Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.

18. What were you doing six hours ago? I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.

19. What is your ringtone? Just the default iPhone ones.

20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it? I had to look this up haha but yeah.

21. Have you ever been to a show? Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.

22. What are some details about your first kiss? Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.

23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend? I went to UP.

24. Have you had any soda today? No and I most likely won’t.

25. What is your favorite scary movie? Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.

26. Do you own a Wii? We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.

27. Did you wear shorts today? I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.

28. Anything fun happening this weekend? There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo

29. What shoes did you wear today? One of my sneakers.

30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.

31. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Nope.

32. What was the last television show you watched? I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.

33. Do you know any other languages? If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.

34. Are you wearing anything green? No.