#I need to go off but I hold myself back. I am wearing the 100 pounds gi.

[the-music-maniac]

Not that I read mpreg all that often (not really my thing generally speaking) but I came across some "Sanji is pregnant" fics in the sanzo/zosan tag, and not nearly the same amount for Zoro. It got me thinking about the trope. I think the lack of Zoro fics here is a tragic oversight. I think we as a fandom are absolutely and tragically ignoring the potential comedy gold of Zoro being the one to be pregnant instead.

Because when people write Sanji, the general trend I'm seeing (upon scanning through some of the fics quickly) is that he's cautious about it. Conscientious, careful to make sure things are okay. Which - arguably I could see, Sanji is probably the more practical of the two (not by a whole lot but still)and he didn't have a good childhood. Sanji being pregnant is usually a fic about his heaps of parental issues, childhood trauma and angst - which is fun to read. It's good. It's amazing, even.

Zoro being pregnant is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT gonna be a COMEDY. We're talking about a man who once tried to fight Kuina holding like 20 bokkens. We're talking about a man who got stuck in wax and thought the reasonable solution was to cut off his legs.

The entire crew spends the next 9 months tearing their hair out, preventing Zoro from doing stupid shit (exhibit A: cutting off his own limbs). They spend the same amount of time trying to stop Luffy from gum-gum-grabbing Zoro and yeeting him anytime he needs to get them out of a sticky situation.

The crew (mostly Sanji) is on 24/7 prevent-zoro-from-drinking-alcohol duty (impossible). Chopper is constantly stressed in the later months cause no one puts it past Zoro to get lost somewhere, give birth out in the woods and come strolling back with a baby tucked under his arm. They have to start hiding Zoro's dumbbells.

Franky and Usopp design and build a nursery and spends the entire time suspiciously teary eyed. Sanji tries to pretend he's unaffected but spends an entire night creating a 9 month meal plan of all the nutrients Zoro and the baby are gonna need. Not even a day later, one of the crew finds him up at 2 am making a mountain of food because Zoro made the mistake of offhandedly mentioning he had particular pregnancy craving within earshot of Sanji. In the end Zoro has to sit on him to stop Sanji from running himself ragged.

Robin keeps spouting morbid childbirth facts and quotes from parental advice books in equal measure. Nami keeps going on shopping sprees for cute baby clothes and adding the cost of them to Zoro's debt. Brook keeps writing lullabies and trying to sing them to Zoro's stomach. Zoro 100% uses his pregnancy belly as an excuse to walk around without a shirt 24/7 without getting nagged.

Somehow word gets out that the famous pirate hunter Zoro is pregnant, and at the next big fight with the Marines, half the soldiers refuse to fight him and instead start telling him to sit down, take it easy, shouting advice at him etc. Etc. Zoro loses his shit a little bit and cuts their boat in half.

Mihawk, upon finding out, tells Zoro in no uncertain terms that that is his grandchild and he's expecting them to visit so he can meet the baby when they're born. Zoro vehemently denies that Mihawk is his father (he is). Zeff upon finding out, is almost as bad as Sanji when it comes to being a mother hen. Perona buys even more baby clothes for the baby. She buys one singular shirt for Zoro as a joke, and it coincidentally happens to be the exact same brand of "mama" crop top he was forced to wear in that one filler episode. Zoro tries to chuck it into the ocean (he fails).

I'm essentially saying it would be absolute chaos, and it would be the funniest thing I've ever read. 9 months of Marimo wrangling. Can you imagine the look on Zoro's face if one of the opponents he was fighting were to tell him that he's "glowing"?

PLEASE, I would actually wheeze myself to death. The best part is you can still have plenty of Sanji angst. He still has parental issues except now they're flavoured with "I'm not ready to be a father" and "I'm terrified I'm gonna become my biological sperm donor" and "please don't die because of childbirth complications, that happened to my mother(sort of, I know she died after but it kinda counts), and I can't handle that happening again to you". Lots of cute/tender moments of Zoro comforting and reassuring Sanji. We can even have Zoro angst. He probably views protecting his crew as the one and only job he's good for (not true but that's probably what he thinks). Not being able to fulfill that is probably not helping his self esteem, and that sense of uselessness warring with his need to protect the baby - but the contradictory thing here is that to protect the baby he HAS to sit back and let other people do that FOR him. That plus all the other restrictions, people treating him differently, but him at the same time refusing to view his own child as a weakness. Imagine the havoc that would wreak. Oh my god.

Y'all don't understand, I don't even read mpreg that often and yet this is literally my ideal fic HAHAAAAA

[reidmania]

heyyy I saw your fanfic about the mental health and depression things and I would loveeee if you would write one about the reader self harming and Miguel finds out and comforts them🧡 I’ve struggled with self harm and depression and your fics help so much!

JUST HOLD ON

miguel o’hara

summary; miguel’s heart breaks when he finds out what you do to yourself

warnings; mentions of self harm, comfort, swearing, could be very poorly written and im so so so sorry if it is xx

an; thank you for requesting, i want to remind everyone that i am in NO WAY romanticising self harm or mental health problems, i wanted to make this series to help people who dont have somewhere to go or someone to talk to, these are purely just comfort fics

i also want to say, youre not alone, and i know self harm is a coping mechanism for many, myself included, but there is so many other healthy ways to cope and i want everyone to know that if you ever ever ever need anybody to talk to, im always here and i want to do my best to make sure youre all okay.

long sleeves, jumpers, scafs, bandaids, bracelets. you were always wearing one or the other. miguel never asked why, he thought maybe you just found it more comfortable.

the entire time you and miguel had been dating, and in a relationship, it had been the cold seasons of the year, and now with summer coming in quick, you were stressing.

miguel isn’t stupid, he would wonder why you’re wearing a jumper or a long sleeve in ridiculous heat, he would question it, and that set you off in a panic.

it was fine, during the day when miguel was at the HQ doing his spider business, but when he got home, your mind went crazy.

although, to you, you did a good job hiding it.

“im home!” miguel says, your eyes widen as you get off the couch quickly, “one sec!” you reply, running up to your bedroom to get a jumper, quickly throwing on the first one you can find, you go back to meet miguel.

you wrap your arms around him, he does the same, squeezing you tightly. “how was your day?” you ask, as you let go of him, walking to the kitchen to start with dinner.

“not bad.. newbies are always rough” miguel says softly, leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “baby” he says softly.

you hum in response, occupied by cutting vegetables. “why do you have the AC on, while wearing a jumper?” he wasn’t mad, he was genuinely just wondering.

regardless you freak, trying to come up with an explanation, “my top half was cold” you say, shrugging.

miguel laughs, “do you need some help?” he says, leaning off of the wall to come up next to you,

“yes, boil some water”

miguel wasn’t stupid. he knew you better then he knew himself, and he knew your top half was always hotter then your bottom half, you were always wearing pants and rubbing your sleeves over your legs.

so he was confused.

it had been like this for a while now, little things would concern miguel but he didn’t want to bring them up, incase they were nothing.

today was weird though, while you were still asleep, in bed, miguel had to get ready for the day, looking in the laundry for a pair of socks, he finds one of your tshirts.

he ignored it at first, before he saw the red stains along the sleeves, his mind first went to, ‘that time of the month’ but you don’t get that in your arm.

he frowns, confused. deciding to figure it out later.

“lyla, do you know whats up with y/n” he asks softly, trying to stay focused on his work, but concern filled his body.

“what do you mean” she asks back, miguel sighs. “tell a soul, and i will literally end your existence” he says, “okok! just say it”

“i don’t think ive ever seen y/n’s arms”

“you think she doesn’t have arms?”

“no- shut up. like shes always wearing long sleeves, or jumpers, or her wrists are covered in bracelets.”

“oh miguel” lyla frowns. “what- what does that mean”

“obviously i cant be 100% sure, i don’t know personally, but it very much could be her trying to hide something..” she says.

“what?” miguel asks, shaking his head “hide what?”

“this isn’t my place to tell, just talk to her”

when miguel came home that evening, he was even more confused and concerned then he was when he left in the morning. he called out, but didn’t get a response, he hums.

he finds you in the living room, asleep on the couch, he smiles softly before he notices your arm.

no long sleeve, no jumper, no bracelets.

his eyes widen as he looks at the blood stains on your arm, the tissue in your other hand, covered in blood. if it was just one miguel would just assume it was an accident.

but he sees it, all of it, the numerous scas, fresh and old cuts, he can feel his stomach drop. next to the paper he finds a small razor, he picks it up quickly, throwing it out before he comes back, taking a deep breath.

“y/n” he says softly, you were a light sleeper, “mm?” you reply, until something must of clicked in your brain.

you sit up quickly, pulling you arm to your chest, youre pale like you have seen a ghost, miguel is heartbroken.

“come with me” he says softly, you pause for a minute as he starts walking, but when he turns around to you, you stand up and follow him.

into your bedroom, he tells you to sit on the bed, before he goes into the bathroom for a moment. “miguel- im sorry” you finally say.

he doesn’t reply, coming out with a first aid kit, kneeling on the ground in front of you. wiping your arm, so damn gently.

he continues to clean and bandage your arm, without saying anything before he sits next to you on the bed.

you have tears in your ears, and a yuck feeling in your stomach, “come here” miguel says, lifting you onto his lap, facing him, he wraps his arms around you.

“im sorry, miggy”

“don’t apologise baby, you don’t have to feel bad about this okay? you have done nothing wrong”

“i-“

“i want you to know, im here, im going to be here regardless of what happens, okay? this isn’t healthy, baby. but i know its a coping mechanism for you, we just gotta find a healthier one, together yeah?”

“yeah” you say softly, buried in his neck.

“i hate knowing you’ve been hurting yourself baby, someone is hurting my special girl, and i had no idea” he says, looking at you as he moves your hair behind your ear.

you frown, as you look up at him. “no more” you say.

“no more” he agrees.

“i want you to promise me, that if you need me or ever think about doing it again, you will get me straight away, i don’t care whats happening or what im doing, youre my priority, always”

“i love you miggy, i promise”

“i love you too, cmon, lets get you changed then watch allll the rom coms you want” he says, kissing your face.

[ladylooch]

Nico Hischier smut with maybe honeymoon sex? he loves calling you Mrs.Hischier and falls in love with the matching wedding bands

A/N: K yes. Like.. I saw the first sentence and was 100% invested in this. Mostly because I planned doing some sort of honeymoon smut for What My World Spins Around AU. But also because who doesn't want what's below this cut??? So here we go. We can always go back to the wedding if we want to 😉

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: SMUTTTT (18+ Content)

Salty ocean air mixes with warm coffee in the early morning. The sunlight glitters off the sea as I savor the quiet moment by myself. Nico and I got married two days ago. It’s hard to believe the day already came and went, even as the large, diamond rimmed wedding band weighs my left hand down. We had everything we needed. Great company, incredible food, flowing drinks, and willing wedding guests that kept the party going well past 3 am. Nico and I were in a daze when we got to the Costa Brava region of Spain yesterday. We collapsed into bed, curled into each other and slept until this morning.

We rented a private villa along the coast with gorgeous Mediterranean views. The villa has five bedrooms, a large kitchen, multiple living spaces, and a pool-hot tub salt water combination that looks to die for. I am itching to get in there. I bring my coffee to my lips again, looking over my shoulder into the bedroom. Nico is there, stretched out on his stomach, arms crunching the pillow under his head. His few days of stubble and long eye lashes make his dreamy, prince charming look complete. The comforter has slid down his back to just below his hips. My eyes focus on the two distinct ridges of muscle that come together in a V there before disappearing beneath his boxer briefs.

The pool isn’t the only thing I’m itching for.

Weddings are a whirlwind of fun and exhaustion, so was getting here from Switzerland, and we haven’t had a chance to celebrate intimately. I look down at the robe I’m wearing, grinning at the white, provocative lingerie that waits for him whenever he decides to join me. 

I don’t have to wait much longer. The sun shifts up the bed into his face and he squints out at me. When our gazes connect, I give him a coy smile.

“Good morning, Mr. Hischier.” He bites down on his bottom lip, tossing the comforter to the side and strutting towards me. He looks so damn good- toned and hard, but safe. He comes to the table, resting a hand on it and the back of my chair to enclose me into our kiss.

“Good morning, Mrs. Hischier.” He murmurs against my lips. His tongue snakes out, gently gliding along the seam of my lips. “Ooo, that coffee tastes good on you.” He licks his lips, reaching for the cup I extend to him. He takes a sip and closes his eyes in a brief moment of appreciation. 

When he hands me the cup back, he sees a peak of my white bra. His fingers hook into the shoulder of my robe, pushing the fabric down to expose more of the top. His eyebrows peak in excitement as he runs a finger along the taut white strap, down my chest to run along the top of my right breast. Goosebumps pebble along my chest, following his finger as it moves to the other swell. My nipples tighten into hard buds against the lace fabric. Each of Nico’s fingers trail over them causing a feminine grunt to drop from my mouth. He loosens the tie of my robe to see the rest of the set. Two, thin bands hold the panties in place- one around my natural waist and one around my hips. The piece is finished off with white lace along the front and not much on the back. 

“You’re going to be worth the wait, aren’t you baby?” He asks me, pushing the robe off my other shoulder.

“You tell me.” I whisper.

He kneels down on the ground to get level with me. His hands gently glide my legs apart so he can come closer. I watch his approach with hooded eyes. His head dips, lips pressing gentle smooches along my large, plumped breasts. My eyes close completely, fingers racing through his hair to gently scratch at his scalp.

He grabs the straps of my panties in his hands, pulling them off my legs to expose me to him and the ocean air. My chest is rising and falling in anticipation as he takes in the view. 

“Mrs. Hischier, you’re soaked for me.”

“Make me come, babe.” I beg him as he takes his time raking his gaze over me.

“Right here?” He acts all scandalous. “Where the neighbors can hear?”

“Yes, please.”

“Mmm, only since you asked so nicely.” He chuckles. His large palms slide under me, gliding against the seat until he takes my full ass cheeks in his hands. He brings me slightly up to his mouth. I think he’s going to tease me, but he doesn’t. His full lips close over my clit, suckling my slick flesh into his mouth. My eyes close, then burst open in excitement as he laps his tongue generously against my folds. My inner muscles pulse, catching his attention. He glides a finger through my excitement, smearing it up my folds until I’m equally soaked all over. “You look so pretty, baby. All wet and pink, wearing my ring.”

This for the rest of my life? Fuck.

I drape my leg over his shoulder. His left hand moves from my ass, dragging his fingertips down my thigh. Each inch of my leg savors the coolness of his wedding band. It’s a new, exquisite feeling that I’m not sure I want to get used to. It accelerated the desire bursting through my veins. I look down at him working his mouth on me. He looks so good. He pulls away to focus his tongue against my clit. I snap my head back between my shoulder blades, howling to the sky.

“Little quieter, sweets.” Nico snickers against my quivering folds.

“No, It’s too good.” I moan as he works his tongue in just the right rhythm.

“Tell me more.”

“You’re perfect, Neeks. Please don’t stop. Fuck.” My body trembles as I feel the orgasm begin to descend. It starts from my core, slowly leaking, begging Nico for more as I push his face deeper in with my left hand. My wedding rings shimmers in the morning sunlight against his dark hair. I jolt, abdomen tightening, then turning into pudding as I come loudly and wetly against his face. Nico kisses me through the aftershocks, working his lips up the thigh still draped around his shoulder.

“I’m going to worship you like that forever.” He promises me as he places my leg back on the ground.

He stands, sporting a seriously large erection, reaching down to wrap his arms around my waist. He lifts me into his arms, carrying me back inside the bedroom where he tosses me onto my back, then nudges me to roll to my stomach. He hovers above me at the side of the bed, looking down at my spread legs, flushed cheeks, rapid breathing and wild hair. He likes what he sees, grinning, as he leans over me, underwear removed to slide into me.

As he pushes into my wet heat, he laces our left hands together. Our matching rings catch one another with his first thrust into me. I lay my head back against his shoulder as he begins to pump steadily. My teeth annihilate my bottom lip at the pleasure sweeping through my body. My breasts get heavy, begging for release into the air- for someone to touch them. I reach back half-heartedly to unclasp the band. Nico bats my hand away, undoing the hooks with his expert touch. My breasts bound free. Nico’s hand comes around, stroking my right nipple as he pushes deeper.

“Ohmygod.” I groan, letting my forehead fall to the bed. I arch my back into his thrusts as he increases his motion. He is pounding forcefully into me, giving me everything he’s got as the pent up emotions and celebration and lust guide his aggressive hips.

“Wish you could see how beautiful you look taking me like this.” 

That gets me.

Stars explode behind my screwed shut eye lids as I come on him. I’m so loud. Swear words and groans fall from my lips as my breathing hitches higher and higher. I can feel his grin on my shoulder as he fucks me harder. I jolt, feeling a second orgasm come just after the first, making me wiggle against his firm grasp on my hips. He doesn’t relent, pushing us both over the edge again as I feel my overstimulated muscles grip his sputtering cock.

“Fuuuuuck.” Nico yells, slapping his hands over mine as he jerks his hips into me a final time. “Baby.” He moans when he is done. I can’t respond. My face is shoved so deep into the mattress that I can’t breathe or speak and I don’t care. He tries to pull out and my muscles clench in protest. He coasts himself back in, working himself out slower in small, gentle thrusts. “You’re not done with me?” He asks, reaching a hand around to grope my breast., thumbing my nipple into a hard peak.

“Not even close.” I say as I snap my head up hair whipping against his face as he jolts back in surprise. “Fuck me like that again.”

“I need a minute.” He says, eyes wide at my reaction. He strokes his hand along his softening cock, eyes glinting as he watches the fire in my eyes. “Who is this?” His smirk has me licking my lips greedily.

“Nico Hischier’s hot wife. You going to take care of me like you promised?” I challenge. 

He launches forward, silencing any other words that want to come out of my mouth.

We don’t see much of Spain after that.

I’m a bit disappointed on the flight back to Switzerland, but Nico assures me we’ll be back again soon.

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC’s Lucien - No Man's Land Event - Day 1

No Man's Land Solo SSR Event | Rebirth Date Part 1 | Date Part 2 | Date Part 3 | Day 1 (You're here!) | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7

Translation under the cut!

[About the Event]

You will encounter random events and must make the correct choices to survive each day. There are two gauges to monitor: Health and Stamina. If either gauge drops to zero, you will fail to survive the day and have to start over. Successfully surviving the day will earn you stickers for journal and unlock chibi mini story. When Health or Stamina drops below 100 and 50, the chibi sprite will change as well.

[Prologue]

In the slum, a man known as the "City Lord" is methodically injecting a drug into a little girl affected by radiation. He seemingly oblivious to the wolf-like gazes around him, fixated on the medicine and supplies in his box.

[Tell him to run quickly]

I whisper to Lucien, urging him to run away quickly, but Lucien calmly puts his tools back into the medical kit. He looks up at me and says, "Why don't we run away together, my precious test subject?"

[Scare them away.]

I immediately fall to the ground like a drama queen, saying that the radiation in my body is about to get out of control and everyone around me will die as I pretend to take off my isolation suit. Hearing this, everyone scatters in panic. I turn back triumphantly, only to meet a pair of smiling eyes.

[Lucien joins the party]

For this one, any choice you make is correct, and Lucien will join you no matter what you choose ヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉ Also, since the random events will have more or less the same graphic, I’ll compile the random events and their answer per day after this ~♪

[Random Event Day 1]

1. From a distance, I see a person wearing pink squatting by the garbage heap.

[Observe from a distance]

With his hands over his head like a small umbrella, he looks like a beautiful and elegant king oyster mushroom.

[Ask him if he needs help]

He yells, “Spore attack,” while angrily throwing a lot of garbage at us. He believes he is a pink mushroom and that humans should never initiate a conversation with a mushroom. (Health -20)

2. I am going with Lucien into a moderately polluted radiation zone to collect experimental samples. He emphasizes that proper protective measures must be taken before entering.

[Refuse to put on protection]

I shake my head and say that I am already accustomed to this level of radiation. Lucien looks at me for a long time but does not insist. Finally, when he puts on his protective mask, he expresses envy that I can directly observe the world.

[Put on a protective mask]

I put on a protective mask myself, but because I don't have much experience, I tie the straps too tightly that when I come out, I almost can't breathe. (Health -20)

3. In Lucien’s laboratory, I discover an exceptionally beautiful butterfly with vibrant wings trapped inside a glass dome, gently fluttering its wings.

[Quietly admire it]

Lucien appears behind me without me noticing and says that the butterfly's wing color is caused by radiation. Although it is beautiful, it has to live in the glass container for its entire life.

[Open the glass container to release the butterfly]

The moment the butterfly flies out, the radiation alarm in the lab suddenly blares to life. I run out with the panicked crowd, only to find out that the radiation levels in the room have suddenly skyrocketed by several hundred times. (Stamina -20)

4. Seeing two trees growing side by side with branches extending horizontally and intertwining, they look like they are holding hands at first glance.

[Find it amusing ]

I find it amusing and tell the person next to me, "Look, they are holding hands." Unexpectedly, he also takes my hand and asks, "Is it like this?" (Health +5)

[Separate them]

Driven by a mischievous impulse, I decide to separate these "good friends" and take out a knife to cut the intertwined branches. Unexpectedly, the cut branches emit a pungent gas, and I pass out from the fumes. (Health -30)

5. I notice a small, bloody scratch on my arm that I don't remember getting.

[Ignore it]

A minute later, it heals on its own. (Health +5)

[Cry out in pain]

My cry attracts a pack of vicious dogs, and we end up running away from them, exhausting ourselves in the process. (Stamina -30)

6. Passing by a giant incinerator billowing thick smoke, it's said that those who die from severe radiation or viral infections are ultimately sent here.

[Approach for a closer look]

The incinerator's temperature is much higher than expected, and in almost an instant, we feel dizzy from the heat. (Health -20)

[Stop and watch quietly]

I watch the thick smoke from the chimney gradually dissipate into the sky. I silently wish that they may be reborn into a warm and peaceful world in their next life.

7. Suddenly, I find a giant mutated mosquito on my arm, sucking my blood!

[Use smoke]

I remember that most insects are afraid of smoke, so I quickly light the surrounding dry grass to fill the area with smoke. Sure enough, no mosquitoes come to bother me anymore.

[Smack it]

I slap it with all my might, causing my arm to redden and swell up quickly. The mosquito, however, flies away leisurely with its bulging belly. (Health -20)

8. Encountering a cloaked cultist, he mysteriously claims that by believing in the Sun God Cult, one can avoid all calamities and live a life free from want.

[Question the cultist]

I skeptically ask the cultist if he is currently living the life he described. He becomes flustered and angrily leaves.

[Pray to the cult]

While I am praying, the cultist secretly reaches into my pocket, steals my supplies, and runs away, self-righteously declaring, "This is a tribute to the great cult leader!" (Stamina -20)

T/N: Sun God Cult is a reference to ZQL/Kiro's Post-Apocalypse AU date. There are also will be a reference to LZY/Victor's zone (Zone L) in one of the future random events, so yeah, you can say that all the dates are happening in the same verse.

9. I see a person gulping water from a rusty pipe by the roadside. Just as I consider asking for a cup, I notice the water splashing on the ground shimmers with a rainbow-like metallic sheen—it's contaminated wastewater!

[Walk away silently]

I watch this person drinking the water with a creepy smile, exclaiming, "Delicious! Delicious!" Feeling a chill, I think he has his own life path, so I silently walk away. (Stamina -5)

[Step forward to warn him]

I approach to warn him that the water is undrinkable, but he warmly invites me to drink with him. The strong, pungent smell of the water makes me feel nauseous. (Health -20)

[Reading Time]

MC: ….(・_・??)

Lucien: What's wrong, is there something you don't understand?

MC: It's okay, I can do it.

MC: This is our agreed daily reading time.

MC: I will definitely live up to this teacher's expectations, so I need to work hard to overcome this challenge on my own first.

Lucien: (*￣⁠︶⁠￣) Okay, but don't push yourself too hard.

Lucien: After all, I'm still very happy to help you with any questions.

MC: Okay, teacher!

MC: What are you reading today?

Lucien: "Research on Genetic Breeding and Industrial Development of of Agaricus bisporus in Extreme Cold Environments."

Lucien: I found it in a basement a while ago; it's quite interesting.

MC: (°0°) Sounds so highbrow...

MC: I'll get back to reading.

MC: ….(・_・??)

Lucien: Let's talk about it. Maybe you're just stuck in some misunderstanding and only need a little correction to continue.

MC: QAQ Woohoo, Lucien, what does "utilizing thermonuclear fission, which is a nuclear fission triggered by low-energy neutrons" mean?

MC: And what is "alpha particles of radium radiation"?

Lucien: …

Lucien: Wait a minute, (*￣⁠︶⁠￣) what book are you reading?

MC: "Overview of Nuclear Physics," it’s called an overview, so it should be basic knowledge, right?

MC: You just taught me about protons and neutrons yesterday!

Lucien: (*￣⁠︶⁠￣)...

Lucien: Sorry, I think I gave you the wrong book. You should be reading this one today.

MC: OAO "Illustrated Guide to Physics"…?

[the-witch-with-the-raven-tattoo]

After about a decade of building up my crystal collection, I can no longer close my eyes to what I've been supporting. Far from the good vibes that crystals are purported to have, I need to be honest that their trade funds the same human rights abuses and environmental destruction that I've spent most of my life decrying. I need to address this cognitive dissonance within myself, and can no longer endorse buying mass-market crystals anymore. I call myself an earth-worshipper, or nature-worshipper, yet I'm contributing to the destruction of the Earth and her people. This no longer sits right with me. Yes, there are likely minerals in my phone that were mined using less-than-ethical practices, however a cell phone in this day and age is kind of a necessity. Decorative crystals and fossils, though, are more difficult to justify in this way.

I'm still going to keep the ones I have for now, because, welp, the damage has already been done, and getting rid of them now won't undo what I've been endorsing with my dollar. I still have a box of gems that I bought to make wire-wrapped jewelery with, and I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with those, so they're tucked away until I can decide.

If there's interest, I may make some pieces with them and put them up for sale as a Crystal Clearout sale, since I did spend a lot of money on those supplies. Or I might wear or gift them. We will see.

Back to my spiritual practice. What am I going to use instead?

River rocks!

Or lake rocks. Park rocks. Parking lot rocks. Farm rocks. Forest Rocks. Anything except store-bought is fine. Look at these cool rocks I've found in my city so far! These are geologically tied to the place I live, they carry the history on the land I'm on, which is not mine to live on. It is Treaty 6 territory—the traditional and ancestral territory of the Cree, Dene, Blackfoot, Saulteaux and Nakota Sioux. This territory is home to the Métis Settlements and the Métis Nation of Alberta, Regions 2, 3 and 4 within the historical Northwest Métis Homeland.

These stones carry the memory of the people who were here before me, and that of a not-so-distant history I need to address time and time again, examine my own biases, and do what I can to address inequalities right here, right now. They are a connection to this land, and those who live on it.

These stones can also hold my own memories, for instance this petrified wood reminds me of a day a friend and I went rock-hunting by the river, and on a trip to Ontario with this same friend, we found some jade (I think). Which brings me to another point. I am not a geologist. I plan to learn about minerals local to me, but I'll never have the assurance of some shopkeeper (whatever that's worth) that what I'm holding is 100% a piece of pure amethyst, and here is a list of its properties. Instead, I'll be able to find my own meaning in the stones, feathers and flowers I find while walking in the world, and use them in my practices the way I feel intuitively guided to.

In spiritual practices, what we are working with is energy and intention. The rest are simply tools, symbols for our brain to understand what we are channeling towards or away from. The most important quality you can develop as a witch, a pagan, a yogi, a spiritualist, whatever you wish to call yourself, is self-trust. Trust that you are enough. Trust that this stone made its way to you so that you would find it exactly when you did. Trust that the herbs you lovingly grew, watered, bundled and dried are sufficient for clearing any stale energies. Learn from those who came before you, but at a certain point, you have to free yourself from reliance on corporations, merchants, readers, authors, course creators, and anyone else looking to make a buck off your lack of experience and confidence.

When you have a true need, harken not to others' greed. (the Wiccan Rede)

Consumerism has its hooks in us to such a point where we feel like we have to buy our way out of all of our real or perceived inadequacies.

Feeling down? Buy this sun lamp!

Tummy hurts? It's this scary new syndrome I just made up! Peer review, what's that? Nevermind. Buy this supplement!

Want to feel really cool and attractive? Buy this new outfit!

Want to make friends? Learn a new hobby! Oh, but this hobby requires you to buy all this gear before anyone thinks you're serious about it! And make sure you buy a t-shirt that says you're into this hobby while you're at it, so you can talk about it to everyone!

McSpirituality works the same way. Feel like you don't belong? It's definitely a past life thing, buy a reading with me to find out! Looking for love? Make sure you buy a rose quartz to send a lover your way within 24 hours. Hmm, it didn't work? It must not be big enough. Make sure you buy this one instead! Trying to get into meditation? You'll need to buy a zafu, some mala beads, and a buddha head with some very questionable history Are you broke after all these purchases? You can just buy this abundance generating spell kit, and this $10K course (I have seen this price point, it's not hyperbole) on dissolving your subconscious blocks to abundance!

It's not your fault, it's the system we all live in. I was, and still am, immersed in it too. If you're in a tough place, it can be so easy to be swept up by the promise of a quick fix, because spiritual work is hard. You'll have to confront yourself in some tough ways, work through traumatic experiences and spend years building discipline and focus.

It's a lot easier to just walk into a crystal shop and pick the one you like, isn't it? But I want to remind myself that life doesn't work that way.

Do you just walk into a store and pick out the partner, the job, the house, the experiences, the circumstances that look prettiest?

Okay, maybe some of you do if you're very lucky or have certain privileges, but these choices aren't always the ones that guarantee long-term compatibility or happiness.

In real life, it's a lot more like walking down a riverbank with a friend, catching up on life, and showing each other the cool thing you found, maybe deliberating on what it might be. Your rock might look different than hers, but you found it and it feels good to you. Maybe the shape feels satisfying and built just for your hand. You feel like it was waiting for you all this time.

Or maybe it's like walking home after a difficult day, and seeing the little sparkle of something glimmering in the sunlight. Maybe this represents hope and silver linings. Maybe a bird eyes you as you examine your rock, offering you company and understanding in a way that words fail to.

That feeling certainly isn't for sale in stores, or online. If I find it at a garage sale, I'll let you know.

[miscling]

i am a toy for others to enjoy!

ASK TASKS: OPEN

use my ask box to send me tasks to do! i'd love to entertain and perform for you all! i am a good and obedient girl, and i enjoy getting tasks to do!

choose one or more task emoji and send them to me! include instructions if you send complicated tasks

tasks can come from anyone, even anons!

i'll do tasks as soon as i can! i have to finish my work wach day before i can play. basic tasks i'll do on my own, but i'll need help for the slightly more complicated ones so they might be a little while! Mutuals can DM me with DM tasks, and if i'm available we'll play ^^

BASIC TASK LIST!

🗜️ make me wear nipple clamps for 5 minutes! 📦 make me wear 10 pegs on my cunt for 10 minutes! 🤚 make me slap my cunt 5 times! ⚡ choose a part of me and make me use my TENS unit there for 10 mins. 🪆 dolly time! for the next 30 mins make me cup my hands, stay on my tip toes, and arch my back. 😺/🐮 petplay! for the next 30mins, make me keep off my furniture and only move around on all fours. make me put on my animal ears based on which one you send! 🤖 make me a good robot and complete one thing on my to-do list! ♾️ make me get my breast cups and pump my breasts for 15 mins! 🤐 make me gag myself for half an hour! (tell me what kind of gag to use and if I have it I'll use it, otherwise I'll pick) 🧣 make me put on my collar if i'm not already wearing it! 👗 make me get undressed and be naked for the next 30 mins! ✏️ make me write what you tell me on my body where you tell me! 💖 make me draw a little heart on myself where you tell me! 😵‍💫 make me stare at a spiral for 5 minutes (send me a spiral to use) (i won't use spirals that give me bad vibes, but i'll use any i've already reblogged) 🗣️ ask me anything, name a kink or give me a topic to write about (kinky or otherwise) and make me infodump about it. 🔊 send me a post or a write something for me to record saying, and i'll post the recording. 📝 make me go add 100 words to my current WIP novel. 🫴 make me edge for 10 minutes (Send me instructions, porn, a post to edge to, or a mantra to repeat while I do it, you can use my mantra tag for ideas. i cannot do this task on thursdays) 🕳️ make me fill up a hole for 10 minutes! (Choose to plug my cunt or/and ass, i cannot do this task on thursdays) 👅 make me stick my tongue out for 10 minutes! 💋 make me go practice deepthroating for 5 mins! 🍇 make me go get a snack and a drink! ❌ make me go take a break outside for 5 mins! 😴 make me go lay down in bed for 15 mins, no screens allowed.

SLIGHTLY MORE COMPLICATED TASK LIST!

👋 i'll ask my nestie to tickle me for 5 mins! (check my toybox) 🖐️ i'll ask my nestie to slap me 10 times! choose my face or tits 🏓 i'll ask my nestie to hit me 10 times! choose my ass or thighs (check my toybox) 👣 i'll ask my nestie to put elastic bands around my feet and snap the band against my soles 10 times. (nestie enjoys doing this to me) 🫶 i'll ask my nestie to choke me and hold my breath over a 5 minute session (please do not mix with other tasks) ⛓️ i'll get myself tied up and restrained for 30 mins! 🥊 No hands! make me put on my hand mitts for 15 minutes!

DM TASKS

If we're mutuals, you can dm me and play with me in other ways. Ask me for my lovense toy control links, combine tasks into one bigger task, send me files to listen to or hypnotise me yourselves, make me wear a diaper or control my toilet use, or suggest other things to do with me that you'd like! Non-mutuals who've gotten to know me can ask to play too.

Or...

⁉️ Give me a task not listed! (You can find the contents of my toybox here for ideas) (I reserve the right to safeword, but I'm very open and obedient, so shoot your shot)

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Matchup for bg3! Please! 💜

She/they, bisexual

I have blueish-gray eyes with red hair that's in a side shave (like one side on my hair is shaved). I am chubby, I have tons of freckles except on my face. I like wearing emo style clothes or comfy clothes like hoodies and sweats. I hate dresses and shorts, I don't like showing off skin.

Likes: anything with drawing/painting, games including board games.

Dislikes: uhhh spiders, driving (I refuse to get a driver's license it's a huge fear of mine.) I'm not scared of being in a car just driving it.

Isfp-t, I am a cancer. People say I have rbf (resting bitch face). Though I am really nice to people, unless they mess with the people I care about then I couldn't care less about them. I try to be helpful when I can. When I am around people I know, I can be loud and talkative (the loud part isn't on purpose it's just when I'm happy or excited). I tend to put people a lot before myself. I don't really like talking about my personal issues to anyone and can be known as the therapy friend. It's the opposite though when I'm around people I don't know, I'll be quiet and not wanting to interact. I have adhd, depression and anxiety (wonderful I know). When I do get upset I don't talk and won't interact until I have calmed down. I do cuss a lot though I'm more careful when I'm around kids/people I don't know. If I have a fight with someone I prefer to sit and talk it out and hate it when they walk away from me when I'm just trying to talk to them.

If you need more info just message me! Thank you! 💜

A/N: You didn’t specify which gender result you’d prefer, but since you mentioned you’re bisexual, I included my top male and female picks below! I hope you enjoy!!!

For you, @veethewriter , I think you’d be a great match for either Halsin (Male) or Shadowheart (Female)!

ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ Halsin would be a great fit for you! He’s kind and very artistic himself. And while he enjoys woodwork the most, I think he’d appreciate an afternoon of drawing or painting with you outside in the grove. Many Wood Elves, like Halsin, have either red or brown-hued hair, so he’s used to seeing such a color on people. However, he swears no other elf can compare with how gorgeous your hair color is. And he finds your side shave particularly alluring. He also adores your figure. He is a big guy, he’s tall and very muscular, and can’t help but want to hold and pick you up and squish you (if you’d let him that is). Your supple shape reminds him of nature’s bountiful harvest.

And while he himself has absolutely no qualms about showing off his skin, he respects your desire not to. Not everyone is as comfortable free of the confines of clothing as he is, this he’s well aware of. He’s always on the lookout for organic, comfortable elven clothing he could gift you.

And the good thing about Faerun is the fact that there aren't any cars. If you want to go somewhere, you’ll need wheels, heels, or a spell of some sort. (Or if you’re lucky, a druid boyfriend who can transform into different rideable wild animals. Can you imagine, strolling up to town on the back of a big brown bear? No one would mess with you! lol)

I’m not 100% decided on Halsin’s MBTI. Part of me feels he’s introverted, then again, he’s very willing to meet and work to help others- strangers even, so long as they’re kind and help him in return. I do, however, feel pretty confident that he’s a Feeler as well, so you have one letter out of the four for sure in common. And the two of you are also very open-minded, which he loves. Halsin can’t see himself in a romantic relationship with someone if they were to be angry and close-minded. An on/off sexual relationship? Sure. But for him to have that deeper kind of love, you’d need to be tolerant- which you are!

I also imagine him to be a Taurus, which furthers how compatible he is with you- a cancer. You two are so in love, it’s almost spiritual, like a soulmate sort of connection. No matter how sad or moody (or emo as you said) you can get, his steady and stable temperament will help comfort you, and ground you in times of great emotion.

Halsin, as an archdruid, is kind of the “Dad friend” of the Grove and his Party. He’s the one people turn to for advice and mentorship. You being the therapy friend understand the toll this can take. You’re able to support each other and lavish each other with much-needed rest and recovery when the demands of everyone’s emotional sharing/dumping become too much to take.

Halsin is a very focused and rather positive person, which can be a direct contrast to you with your ADHD and depression. But that’s a really good thing because, for all the things you forget, he remembers. And for all the times your illness and life get you down, he’s right there to pick you back up, or even just ride it out with you until the feelings pass. His presence radiates calm- he’s like a walking talking security blanket. If you’re feeling anxious, you can grab his hand, or have him lay on top of you for some compression therapy (don’t worry, he’s supporting 95% of his weight himself so as to not accidentally crush you lol).

He appreciates how mindful you are around the little ones. It makes his heart flutter. And he can’t help but think what it would be like to be in a family of his own with you one day.

♥ ♡ ♥ Shadowheart is quiet and determined. She’s reserved, especially around strangers, and she puts on a good front, but deep down she’s a sweet girl with a traumatic past. She doesn’t like talking about it too much (that is of course, if she remembers it), but for some reason, she’s more okay sharing such things with you.

She’s not very extroverted or loud, but she can appreciate it when you are. Your joy is infectious, and it’s something she hasn’t felt in a while, so she wants to do everything in her power to make you happy because when you’re happy- she’s happy.

And oh boy does she need therapy! As the therapy friend, she greatly appreciates your ability to listen and not judge when she does talk about her past or her feelings. Being raised in a cult is complicated, and there’s A LOT to process there. It’s gonna take time, and thanks to your open-minded demeanor, she feels safe enough to do a fair amount of it with you.

As a cancer, you and Shadowheart are very compatible romantically as I see her as an Aquarius. Both of you are smart, and devoted, and have a lot of feelings. The main difference is in how those feelings come out. For you, it’s easier to emote than it is for her. But that’s good. When you’re too emotional, she’s ready to reel you back in. And when she’s being too cold, you can help pull her out of her shell.

Shadowheart also has a ‘resting bitch face’, but that doesn’t mean she’s judging everyone. Okay, maybe she’s judging everyone a little bit, but to be fair there are a lot of peculiar characters out there and one can never be too safe! The two of you rarely get any trouble from strangers because you are too tough to mess with. From your more emo style to her ‘dont-fuck-with-me’ attitude, absolutely no one’s gonna be crossing you!

Shadowheart herself probably has a slew of health concerns and mental illnesses that she has yet to address. I imagine, that once she comes to learn the truth of her past, she is at increased risk for anxiety and depression. So weirdly, it’s almost a blessing her partner knows what it’s like living with these things. Your experience shows her that life can and does go on. And she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her with anyone other than you.

[edgyedgelord]

Hello again, Tumblr! I have some things I'm looking to sell so I can buy myself a bramd new VR headset. I've got a worn down Oculus Rift S, a Wacom One, and an XP-Pen Black Deco LW. We can discuss an offer but I'm looking to sell at the minimum prices listed to cover tax and anything extra I'll need to get, like the link cable which I'll need for basically all of my games. Shipping prices may also have to be discussed as well so if you're outside of America keep that in mind.

The Oculus Rift S still works despite it all, just needs some minor repairs. The wire is perfectly fine but the controllers have been having drifting issues, but not as bad as Joycon Drift imo. The lenses are kinda scuffed from my glasses cause I was a dumb kid who didn't know that'd happen, one of the controllers has a crack somehow, and the lil thing that holds the wire up fell off so theres some tape residue I need to clean off. Do know that if you do buy it I will make sure it's nicely cleaned inside and out, especially if you plan to wear it!

Minimum Price: $150

My Wacom One is in much better condition, being only a year old, with the only issue being that it was knocked off of my desk by my cat and the display does not work. Everything else is just fine though and it'll come with tons of free pen tips, a second pen, and everything else! Cleaning cloth included I just need to find and wash it.

Minimum Price: $100

Discount Price: $80

Lastly, I have a black Deco LW from Xp-Pen. It's a good few years old but I only used it for a couple until I got the Wacom One. As you can see it comes with a carry bag and I'll include the penholder, extra tips, and cleaning cloth if I can find it.

Minimum Price: $50

Discount Price: $20

If you are interested in any of these things feel free to message me! Again, keep in mind the final price we decide on could rack up depending on shipping costs. My goal is to get a total of $250 out of selling all of these, so if any of these end up going for a pretty penny before I sell them all I might cut you a good deal the closer I am to my goal, hence the discount prices on the tablets. I'll keep this post updated on how close I am for anyone wanting any of this but on a tight budget! (I know your pain.)

If you change your mind and ask for a refund I promise to respect your choice and return your money once you send back the package if already sent. If you'd like more photos or a video don't be afraid to ask!

[northwest-cryptid]

Since people seem to have a want for OC and Sona stuff, I shall drop it below the cut for anyone who wants that stuff.

I think the big thing I gotta start off with is saying that for me, Sona and OC are two different things; every Sona is of course an OC, but not every OC is a Sona.

So for the sake of explanation I personally define it as such (and if you define it differently, that's perfectly fine I'm just saying this is how I personally define it for the sake of explanation). An OC is simply an Original Character/Creation, it's a work that comes from myself and not an outside influence such as a video game, tv show, or other media. While a Sona is a "Personification" or a "Persona" of a thing, typically representative of myself, but sometimes it could be of an aesthetic, a concept, or a genre. An example of this would be that I used to have various Sonas for the different styles of music I made (which was a trend back in the day god I feel old saying that).

Okay now to actually get into the stuff people actually came here for. Kicking things off with Sonas I use to represent myself in various media we have first on the list:

Velvet/VelvetSoul

Velvet has been and continues to be one of my main Sonas and a representation of myself that I use for things like VRC, while the outfits are generally in need of a lot of work (they're pretty basic with a very simple pixelation effect thrown on to give off that dreamcast vibe) the more defining features of their hair/eyes and such are based heavily on my OCs from various media and D&D games. Note that yes these are both intended to be the same character, I'm genderfluid as hell and appreciate being able to outwardly present as a more masculine or feminine design at times. The beanie that masculine Velvet wears is a sort of callback to a beanie I wear a lot IRL because it gives me a place to display my collection of pins, I will eventually update it accordingly however for the time being it works just fine.

For the spooky season I gave Velvet a silly ghost appearance where I decided to take some inspiration from the Jet Set Radio aesthetic of big ol' feet and slightly larger hands, I've always enjoyed the concept of playing around with anatomy in a stylized fashion, I however once again didn't go too hard on the outfit since I'm honestly still working on these characters and have a ways to go before I'm going to be happy with them. I however dropped the pixel look here that we see on the original Velvet design:

While some may argue that this isn't recognizably the same character, I would argue that variety is the spice of life and I am fucking SPICY.

I did do a little work on facial expressions to make sure they didn't horribly disfigure the face which was fun

Another Sona often used to represent myself, and one that I hold dear to me is Akito/Aki, probably the one I'm best known for:

I really did my best to throw more Native inspiration at this lad, and honestly I still have a long ways to go on them. They as well have a feminine design that looks wildly different I don't know why I'm like this but I enjoy it:

and as per usual I'm not 100% happy with how they came out so I'm gonna keep working on them because I love my dumb blorbos but I can never stop "improving" the designs lol.

I think my main issue with the current design for Akito is that the artist who drew the VERY FIRST ever commissioned piece of art for Akito did such a good job and no one has been able to capture the same vibe this sketch has this dude did it for like $5 and I gave him such a big tip because I was so annoyed that he was underselling his work because HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS and you want to know the worst part? I got blocked out of my twitter account recently and as I'm unable to access my twitter account I literally do not know what the artist changed his handle to though I remember him changing it before I got locked out, so I literally have no idea what the hell he's going by and I really want to give him a proper shoutout so I'm absolutely going to figure it out because he deserves credit for this piece to the point I'm salty he didn't like, sign it or anything.

This is art that never gets seen and it kills me because for those who don't know, the original design concept for Akito was a sort of mix of 3 things, Kallian (Xenoblade), Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy), and general Space/Owl motifs given that the general concept design philosophy behind Akito was the idea that, Hihankaga The Owl Maker, a Lakota deity who judged Nagi on their way to the afterlife; was essentially retiring and had placed Akito in her place as the new Owl Maker. My main idea behind that was that people would come to the Owl Maker and tell her their life story the same way I was doing challenge runs in games that would typically follow a character (such as Chester from my Kenshi playthrough) and thematically it would be a sort of "retelling of their life" I was originally, and might still do this mind you; going to have a website dedicated to a sort of "Hall of Fame" where I would write a short bio for each character who's major arc has been completed on the streams and determine if they had lived a life fit for being worthy of an afterlife or whether I'd deemed them unworthy and cast them into the abyss. So basically Akito was meant to be this sort of cosmic owl spirit with wings and stars and the whole nine yards, but still be a more comfortable/easy going sort of individual. The key concept behind Akito as The Owl Maker was simply that Akito never wanted to cast spirits into the abyss so they specifically did everything they could to help people live a fulfilling life just so they could rightfully deem them worthy of their afterlife. Hence why I love the idea of them just wearing really casual clothes and like, a comfy scarf, also I like scarves. The red on the scarf is not just a gentle nod to the color of the four directions but also to the fact Native people are often referred to as "red skins" and generally when it comes to Native imagery such as the symbol for MMIW it's done in red. As a quick aside, if you don't know MMIW is for "Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women" and if you ever seen Akito wearing a red hand-print over their mouth, it's because of this:

(I believe the design on the right was created by Despertar1111 but don't quote me on that seeing as the only place I could find a credit for the image was fucking redbubble but I digress)

The thing no one talks about when it comes to doing Vtuber stuff is the fact that if you're poorer and you save up like $400+ for a model and rigging you'll still get artists who ignore half your design and riggers who generally speaking can't rig full motion so do your research and don't settle on a design/rig that's sub par, I know this now and going forward I'm likely going to make sure the artists and riggers I work with are quality, I already know my next model will be rigged by none other than Neapolitanrime and as for my artist of choice I have no idea because I don't even have the money to consider that sort of thing yet but SOME DAY!

MOVING ON!

One of my OCs and an old OLD Sona for my sort of Grunge Punk music days was such an edgy lad, I'm very like; closet edgelord but you know I mostly keep it to myself; that being said this dude is named Xploit and I love him to death:

General design philosophy here was very grungey street punk vibes, I did in fact slap the same exact beanie that Velvet wears on him but like again clothing is very placeholder with these and basically meant to give a general vibe. Xploit was originally made after my old band and I went downtown and saw some graffiti that was talking about the exploitation of lower class workers where the bottom of the letters were shaped like knives all pointed at a singular entity, likely the laborer in question. I ran with that design to create the logo for Xploit that mirrors his 3 fangs (middle tooth and side fangs) with the X, the L and I, and the T in his name.

Also because I'm 3edgy5u I made his eyes X's (I just thought it looked neat)

I still have a lot of work to do on the shading since I'm working with very simplified 3D model making software instead of making models from scratch in something like Blender like I should be doing to have as much control over it as I want to. That being said it's meant to give an illusion that he has no facial features such as nose/mouth until otherwise speaking, at which point his fangs are meant to be prominent. Everything about his outline from his eyes to his hair is intended to be extremely sketchy and rough.

and because I have a soft spot for making even my edgier characters silly little guys, I made it so when he gets surprised his eyes bubble up.

Since I know there's some controversy regarding characters with bandages and the like I'd like to quickly make mention that none of the bandages worn by my characters are ever intended to suggest self harm.

Admittedly this is far from the complete roster, but we're eliminating anyone/anything that sprung up from games (I do consider them OCs to a degree but I understand they are influenced by the media they were created from/in and I don't feel like that should be necessarily included on a list of original characters that I specifically defined as "not being from media") and these are the ones I've been working on most recently so they're more in the forefront of my mind; I have plenty more for things ranging from music Sonas to just various OCs I've used for D&D and the like. That being said I'll likely throw together another one of these for the other OCs when I have more time/I'm not as busy.

You can have these drawings though:

Akito and Nazo who is @the-sum-of-ones-parts' sona. They are also the one who drew this. They also drew this of Nazo and Velvet

They also drew Akito in a dress (they are giving Melia vibes and I'm all for it.)

and they ALSO drew Akito and Nazo for the Outlast 2 stream we did.

Note that Nazo is a shapeshifter.

Big shout out to @the-sum-of-ones-parts for drawing so many of my dumb OCs/Sonas (like you guys don't understand there is more but I'm trying to not make this post 10 miles long)

THAT BEING SAID I HAVE A BUNCH OF DUMB MEMES OF AKITO YOU CAN HAVE (if you can't tell Akito is my most public OC)

If you have any questions I probably have answers (hopefully) so ask away my friend.

[blowflyfag]

WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT/FEDERATION MAGAZINE: May 2008

SMACKDOWN INTERVIEW

UNDER THE HOOD

Rey Mysterio sounds off about his nagging injuries, his finisher (which appeared on Heroes), his love of the King of the High Seas and the disappearance of his pyro-tastic pop-up entrance.

BY JEREMY BROWN

PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAVE HILL

Recently, the injury Gods have not been kind to you. How are you handling the bicep tear?

It’s definitely put me on the back burner again, which I didn’t want. What happens now is that I have to suck it up and try not to think about things too much. I need to get the surgery done, go to rehab, be as strong as I can and then come back–just like I did from knee surgery.

When returning from an injury, do you ever feel 100 percent?

After knee surgery, I struggled at first. I don’t know if the fans noticed, but I definitely felt it, and I tried to improve my ring ability and focus on things I knew I could do. I tried to keep myself from putting too much weight on the knee, and sometimes I'd overcompensate and risk injuring the other knee. But no matter how much you want to change your style, it’s hard to because you’re so used to going out there and performing your best. I always say, “I’m not going to do this or that anymore because it’s hurting my knee,” then two weeks later, in the heat of the moment, there I go again.”

Does this mean no more “pop-up” ring entrances?

That doesn’t strain my knees as much as you’d think. There were some problems with the system that used to pop me up and they haven’t been able to replace it or come up with something similar. I don’t think my current entrance is the best. Don’t worry, we’re working on something.

[Manta-Rey.]

Since returning, you’ve sported increasingly elaborate ring gear. Is that part of this new Rey Mysterio?

I’ve always liked to be unique in my ring attire and stand out from everybody else. I think I picked that up from my uncle, because he always had the best costumes when he stepped into the ring. It’s something I learned early on, you know, to have good presence inside and outside of the ring.

We noticed at Armageddon that you began wearing a hood over your regular mask. What’s that about?

I’m a big fan of skeletons, and I incorporated the half-skeleton/half-mask, and added the rosary to the right side of the pants leg. [PULLS HOOD OUT OF HIS BAG] Before, I had the Aztec cross there. I wear a hoodie on top, which I take off and give to one of the little kids in the front row. I always like to be different. That makes Rey Mysterio, that;s who I am, and I think it keeps the fans always wondering, “What’s he gonna come out with next?”

At SummerSlam you rocked the Silver Surfer look. Before that, The Flash. Which comic book character will we see next?

I think my next one is Iron Man. Hey, I already have the mask!

Speaking of superheroes, on the NBC series Heroes, a character who has the power to mimic anything she sees performed the 619 after watching your match on TV. [REY’S EYES LIGHT UP] Did you know you were going to be featured so prominently on the show?

It caught me completely off guard. I didn’t realize I was going to be on the show. I actually got a kick out of it. You know, when Nacho Libre came out, the little [person] did the 619. And when the latest King Kong came out a few years ago, Kong did a version of the 619 when fighting the dinosaurs. I wonder if they picked that up from me, as well?

Of all the superheroes, whom do you hold in the highest esteem?

I love Aquaman. I haven’t got that outfit, but I need to. There was something about him that really stood out. 

Let’s look into the future: Your bicep is fully healed, and you’re rockin’ a totally sweet Aquaman outfit. Who’s the first Superstar you’d like to square off against, mano a mano?

Triple H. Believe it or not, we’ve never had a one-on-one match, and I think WWE fans would agree that that match would be very, very interesting.

[Uh, Rey, you’ve got something taped to the back of your head.]

[maxiwaxipads]

Mysterious Invitation Rendezvous ! !

(edit 2: just a title change <3)

[Coachman] - “We’re here.”

The carriage makes a stop. Arupek takes a step outside and wears a stuffed backpack on his shoulders. Arupek turns to the coachman.

Arupek - “Thank you for the trip!” [Coachman] - “But of all places… The Swathlands? "Sure this is the place? Why not recheck it again…?” Arupek - “Nope! I checked it several times, and this is the place. I’m sure this is where I need to be.” [Coachman] - “Really sure?” Arupek - “Really, Really, REALLY sure!” [Coachman] - “No point in an interrogation I suppose.” “I’ll stay here for a good hour—come back if you run into trouble.” [Coachman] - “These horses can go miles for days, isn’t that right?”

Proud horse noises.

Arupek - “I’ll be just fine.” “Come back to the designated time! This Arupek will come back stronger than ever!” [Coachman] - “Alright. Alright. I’ll still stick with what I said though.” “No harm being cautious, right?” Arupek - “Then I’ll get going.” “See you later! Not soon I hope!”

Walking straight ahead, Arupek waves his goodbyes without turning his back forward to wave the carriage-driver goodbye. The coachman delivers a short wave, as he sighs to himself.

[Coachman] - “That kid…” “O’ Lord Pekkle. Pray for his sake, will you?”

A moderate light dims Arupek's presence, as a lantern hangs from his backpack. Arupek hums an odd tune.

Arupek - “AAARRUUPEK~ ARUPEK~ He’s traveling somewhere suspicious and strange~” “But not as suspicious as Hangyon and maybe Lili~”

In a far distance, Hangyon and Lili sneeze as Arupek hums his "Arupek-Travel-Song-Copyright-Symbol-Here"

Arupek - “…” Arupek - “…” Arupek - “…” Arupek - “Barren, yellow lands everywhere…!”

(Walk) (Walk) (Walk) (Walk)

Arupek - “Maybe the coachman was right. Am I lost?” “Hmm…”

Arupek unravels a crumpled paper from his pocket. "Knight of Fragaria Bootcamp! / Swathlands, Cogimyun Kingdom / Bootcamp at Oasis! / June 24th - July 1st". It's written with the thinnest marker on a piece of default paper. The words aren't exactly aligned or straightened, as they slope a little bit down. A few words incoherently scribbled off. Not a single visual is adorned. Not even a smiley face.

Arupek - “Nnhhh… There isn’t even directions too…” Arupek - “No. I GET IT NOW! It’s all coming together…!?” Arupek - “This is just to test myself as a knight!” “Arupek has cracked the case!”

Bolstered with the sudden ember of a lightbulb turning on, Arupek holds his fist into two! He faces the night sky, proudly and turns forward.

Arupek - “I’ll find it in a few minutes—no, right now even!”

Arupek runs faster...!? Arupek who has finally understood author's intent and plot device...!? That failure is nonexistent within the confinements of a shitty scenario...!?

Arupek - “ARRRRUUUUUUPPEEEEEEEKKK!!!!”

He spots a patch of light in the nearby distance...! !

Arupek - “Arupek has hit the jackpot!” “Prediction is 100% accuracy!”

[??? #1] - “Nyahaha ~ Finally. It took a whole day for someone new to appear ~”

Freshness blends with the choked fumes of embers and smoke—something burns over the fire. The source of this voice—he looks down to see two people across each other who surround a burning fire.

[??? #2] - “Could you perhaps be behind this ’Bootcamp?’” Arupek - “Nope!” “I’m here for it as well!” [??? #2] - “(Sigh). Three knights, but no camp counselor…” “Perhaps we were bailed after all…” [??? #1] - “There might still be time to get back!” “Hey, did you take a ride here or walk?” Arupek - “I took a ride, and then walked all the way here!” “I guess the coachman did say he’d wait an hour to be sure.” [??? #2] - “An hour, huh?” “Then whoever took you probably left us already…” [??? #1] - “…Are we really going to have to wait that long again?” [??? #2] - “That’s that.” “We’ll just have to feed off the oasis or walk back to the nearest civilization ourselves.” Arupek - “So… It’s just us three?”

Arupek - “No one came after all…?”

[??? #2] - “I’m sure it’s fine.” “Besides. Isn’t it a great opportunity to meet foreign knights and expand our connections?” Cielomort - “I am Cielomort, I live to serve Lady Cinnamaroll.” “And this is…” Sanah - “Yahoo ~ The name’s Sanah! I’m great friends with Usahana~” Arupek - “And that makes me Arupek!” “I like Lord Pekkle, lots!” Cielomort - “It’s great we know each other already.” Sanah - “You came just in time.” "The fruit we just roasted should be read about now!" Sanah - “And it isn’t too burnt at all!”

Sanah passes a fruit skewer.

Sanah - “Haha… Let’s dig in!” Cielomort - “Ye—"

Cielomort, his face scrounges mid-sentence as he slowly chewed and swallowed.

Cielomort "—sss..." Arupek - “Wow~ It’s certainly fresh, and the bitterness is just right!” Cielomort - “That’s great… Have mine, Arupek.” Sanah - “Wait right there!” “It was your idea to roast it, and this is the only fruit in the entire area.” “I want you to eat Cielomort, you’ve been here for too long and need a meal!” Cielomort - “B…But it’s bitter.” Arupek - “If you eat it quick, it’s like the food never existed in the first place!” “Because it’s all in the stomach now!” Sanah - “Mhm~ Just eat it quick!” Arupek - “A wise man once told me… A good guy is someone who finishes his food!” “You can do it, Cielomort!” Cielomort - “Good-Guy-Ship… Huh…”

Cielomort frows as his eyebrows crease. He squints at the skewer at his hands. In the voice of a sports announcer: "Cielomort takes a bite...!?"

Sanah - “Just like that ~ I might fill up as well.”

Sanah eats his fruit skewer, followed by Arupek.

Cielomort - “D…Done.” Arupek - “You did it!” Cielomort - “…It was terrible.” Sanah - “At least you ate something, didn’t you?”

Sanah gives Cielomort a head-pat.

Sanah - “You’re a good example for children who can’t finish food they like~” Cielomort (Moved) - “Sanah…” Cielomort - “(But I feel like I’m being referred like a child at the same time…)” Sanah - “Still.” “Do you think other knights will come?” Cielomort - “It’s only a gut feeling of mine… I believe we’re the only ones who listened to this invite.” Cielomort - “If not, call me foolish.” Arupek - “But wouldn’t you call your gut foolish instead?”

Cielomort - “Good point. I might call my gut foolish if I’m wrong.” Sanah - “Still~ (Yawn). I know you just came here Arupek, but I’m too tired to be hospitable.” Arupek - “Don’t worry about it!” “I might wanna sleep as well~” Cielomort - “Then get comfortable. We might stay here for a week if you’re willing to.” Arupek - “Don’t mind if I do then!” Cielomort - “Why not train early in the morning?” “…It was meant to be a Bootcamp, but even the first day was uneventful.” Sanah - “Agreed... We might not be the first to find this oasis, but I wanna use up the good and undisturbed scenery as much as possible ~ ” Sanah - “Desert landscapes—and an oasis at that, is a rare find in Fragaria.” “So if it’s possible… I want to stay here as long as I can!” Cielomort - “Then I’m glad you’re in agreement with me, now what about you Arupek?” Arupek - “I don’t see why I should go back!” “Besides~ This trip seems like it’ll be fun anywhere.” Cielomort - “Fun, eh?” “I certainly hope it will be.”

Cielomort - “But… I think it’ll be in our best interest for someone to guard while the others sleep.” “Even if no danger surrounds us… An invitation specifying ‘Knights of Fragaria’ to join? Especially in a secluded place like the Swathlands—thought to be nothing but uninhabitable.” Sanah - “Y—You do bring up a good point.” “That settles it! Why don't I take the position of guard for tonight!” Sanah - “Cielomort, who came too early—and Arupek who came too late!” “I think I’m perfect for the job~” Cielomort - “That’s that.” “Why not three-hour shifts?” Arupek - “Then I’ll take after Sanah and that leaves Cielomort!”

Edit: Messy Notes About Cogimyun Kingdom (everything pours without a filter, so maybe a detail contradicts another) (these are literally just me spewing ideas and seeing which might work </3)

[pbandjesse]

I ate way to much dinner and now my stomach hurts. It was the hungriest I've felt since we got back from our trip. And today was the first day I felt the lease nauseous. Some of that though I think is I'm finally catching up on sleep.

I was right about last night's event being good. I would end up having a really good time. I had some excellent little tours and talks. The appetizer was this beautiful focaccia with spicy feta. It was really good. It was salty though so a fruit would have been nice to off set that but it was still really nice.

I would shut down the exhibit. And said goodbye to everyone. And went home.

I was really happy to see James. And we had two Amazon packages! One was a rack for the back of the door. Another was a Bissell steam cleaner. Amazing. James would open those up and I would go and take a bath. Which helped me feel a lot better.

It was a little tough to fall asleep. Despite how tired I was. I was a little overheated but it was fine. Eventually I went to sleep but forgot to turn the string lights off. And was woken up at like 3am and the lights hurt. But I nudged James and they unplugged them and we went back to sleep.

I would wake up at 930. I wasn't thrilled that I slept so late but I apparently needed it. I was actually still so very tired. But I woke up in James's arms and that was so nice. I would go and get cleaned up and dressed and I just still felt so weak. I went downstairs to get some cookies and milk for a little fuel. And James was downstairs doing the same. While folding clean clothes. We would go upstairs together and that's when I stumbled up the first flight of stairs. And was very upset about it but as I was saying that I tripped up the second and fell and spilled my glass of milk and landed on my elbow that I brushed on Saturday. Ouch. Upsetting and embarrassing.

I would be dramatic about spilling the milk and me and James would laugh of actually crying over spilled milk. But it was cleaned up and it was fine.

I would head downstairs with James to work on setting up the shelves for over the door and got the Bissell unpacked. But I was feeling really weak. And not myself. I have those days but I feel like it's been happening more. Probably because I am not getting enough rest. But today I wanted to catch up on that rest.

We would just chill for a bit but then I asked James if we could go get brunch. And James said of course. And we were off.

We went to Southside diner. It was a grey day today and I was wearing a little fleece. Not that I really needed it but it was comforting to have.

And our brunch was really nice. I felt very quiet but I was enjoying James's company. I did think our waitress forgot about us. But they would come and take our order. And our food wouldn't take long at all. And it was very good.

James and the guy at the next booth would commiserate about how great scrapple was. The girl the guy was with was like, I have never tried that and they convinced her to. She would try it and was just like. That's...interesting. Which was pretty funny.

James would pay and we joked about how dramatic and theatrical I was being about holding hands. I accused them of teasing me. But I just want to hold their hand all the time. For love reasons but also for the reason that if we aren't holding hands James walks entirely to fast and in front of me.

We would go to a couple pet stores today to look at frogs and turtles. I wouldn't get anything but I am starting to put thought into what I want. At the first store they had sliders but I was thinking more a tortoise then a turtle.

They also had a pacman frog and I a risky really liked him but then I got nervous about not being able to build him a good tank. So we headed out and to the next pet store.

At this one they had no frogs but they did have a Russian tortoise. And he was so cute. He was just what I wanted. But he was $200. I was hoping for the $75-100 range but this was just not going to happen today. I was a little disappointed but it was okay. We left there and decided to go to the Aldi for groceries.

We did okay. I got some ice cream. James got bacon and hotdogs and milk and cheese. It was a pretty good little stop. I was hoping for a pastry of some sort but that wasn't meant to be. Ah well.

We went home after that. I had wanted to stop to vacuum the car but I was all of a sudden so tired. I didn't remind James that that was what I had wanted. I stead just letting ho go home.

When wr got back I would get in bed. James joined me soon after. And I would end up sleeping until 6. Oops.

It was a pretty good rest, being almost 4 hours. James apparently tried to wake me up a few times. But I was not having it. I also just don't remember. When I woke up I was just so hungry. Which caused me to eat way to much. I had cookies. Then James brought me spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner. And then I wanted so much chocolate. And it's frustrating because I'm still hungry. But my stomach hurts and I am sure it's because I have barely been able to eat all week. So now I can't eat as much. Even though I am craving so much more then I have had. I don't want to feel overly full anymore

I am struggling to write tonight. I am still just so sleepy. So I am just going to rest. And hope that tomorrow my energy is more normal again. Plus I have a field trip so I will have to be on and good at my job.

I am going to put my phone down now, and it is very bright and my eyes hurt. But I love you all and I hope you have a great night. Until tomorrow!!

[lillaluna]

100 follower event!

Hello everyone, and the first thing I want to say is thank you! When I started writing here, I doubted myself and my abilities, I did not count on people's attention to my work, because English is not my native language. To be honest, I can't believe that as many as 100 beautiful people have subscribed to me!

RULES

Choose one line and up to two characters! You can specify who says the line (reader or character) and what situation/scenario is happening.

Some lines may be slightly altered depending on the character/situation.

The reader is always female.

In preference to writing about male adult characters.

I will try to fulfil all your requests, I doubt there will be many :)

ANGST

“Please don’t cry.”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Wake up! Please wake up.”

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

“Don’t you ever do that again!”

“Do you even still love me?”

“Can you shut up for once in your life?”

“Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

“Leave! Me! Alone!”

“I said I would be there when you need it but...” “You weren’t. That’s the thing. You weren’t.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way.”

“You’ve never hurt me. Ever.”

“I don’t want your apology.”

“I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

“It’s better this way.”

“There’s nothing you can do.”

“This isn’t who I fell in love with.”

“Please don’t make me choose.”

“Look at me in the eyes and repeat what you just said.”

“This is going to be our last kiss.”

“Because I can’t trust you.”

“Of course I’m angry with you! You left me and I needed you!”

“Say you need me, please.”

“I want you to stop touching me.”

“Why…. why do you love me…?”

“Don’t act like you care!”

“Don’t you DARE die on me!”

FLUFF

“Go with me?” “As long as you hold my hand.”

“Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” 

“Have you seen my hoodie?” “Nooo.” “You’re wearing it, aren’t you?”

“Have you always been this beautiful?”

“Can we stay like this forever?”

“Please just kiss me already.”

“Sleep over? Please?”

“Are we on a date right now?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”

“Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“I missed you so much.”

“Give me attention.”

“I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”

“You say you hate it but your face is telling me otherwise.”

“Stop flirting with me, I’m not going to fall for it.”

“Is somebody jealous?”

“They’re crying, what do I do?” “Go and comfort them.” “How do I do that?” “Start with hugs.” “With what?”

“I don’t think of you as a protector. You’re more like a distraction.”

“Stop hogging the blanket.”

“Your lips are chapped.”

“I can’t sleep without you.”

“I might have slept with your shirt while you were gone.”

“Were you watching me sleep?” “…no.”

“No, you can’t get up. You’re my prisoner for today.”

“It looks better on you.”

“May I have this dance?”

FUNNY

“Surprise! I’m back from the dead! Isn’t that exciting?”

“It’s a long story.” “I got time, try me.”

“I love you, but sometimes I want to throw you off a cliff.”

“I might have had a few shots.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you have been dying to ask me?”

“Friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.”

“I’m not your friend. I’m your boyfriend, get it right.”

“I believe that was the very thing I told you not to do.” “Did you really think I’d listen?”

“You did what!?”

“We’d make such a cute couple.”

“All I do is drink coffee and say bad words.”

“Quit touching me, your feet are cold!”

“I think I just ripped my pants.”

“Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!”

“Can I pet your dog?” “Do I know you?”

“If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

“Can we please stop running? I think I’m dying.”

“You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be working?”

[dlnj]

So I guess that’s it…… I am now diaper dependent more than just my diagnosis for bedwetting . I’ve been leaking a bit for years and years and have had the occasional accident a few times in the past , but more recently I was honest with my doctor about my need for diapers (she doesn’t know I like it and was hoping that one day it wouldn’t be my choice ) and she wrote a doctors order for them (long story as to why but either way now it’s on paper) even told her about the leaking and that I would wear diapers during the day when I thought I would need them. Then I realized after looking up the varies forms of incontinence and discovered that I have at least two forms , frequency/urge and leaking , then I was put on medications for depression and the main side effect is incontinence which I found strange that the mental health doctor would put me on that knowing I wear diapers already. I’m guess maybe she figured I already wear diapers so I probably wouldn’t mind . I guess she’s right lol. Since I started the meds 100% has made my incontinence worse and Friday besides leaking all day and already having damp pants , I was headed back to my truck which wasn’t close and realized I need to go like now, the whole ride on the elevator I was sure I would wet myself but I was able to hold it, the elevator doors opened up and I walked out then opened the doors to go out into the top floor of the parking garage and boom just like that I began wetting my pants , i couldn’t stop it , I kept walking to my truck all the while I’m peeing in my pants , I was kind of surprised , soon as I thought I was done I got in my truck with soaking wet pants and started grabbing my change of close for these moments and a diapers cause clearly I should have been diapered just ask my pants , then I wet my self again , my words , I drove off the base then parked to walk back in and use the restroom to change out of my wet clothes and into a diaper and guess what again the second I made it to the restroom again I couldn’t hold it and started wetting myself again. This time I knew I was about to change so I made sure to try and get it all out so I didn’t soak my change of clothes thru my diaper too. Kind of wild but exciting that I’m finally having no choice but to wear diapers. Even while I write this I’ve leaked into my diaper which seems like it just keeps going . I guess my life being diaper dependent has finally started .

[undeniable-ignorance-blog]

For years I've wanted to be with you. I've shown you as much affection as I can without angering whoever you decide is the best for you at the time. You've been so open with me. I've watched you actively decide to make the wrong choice 100 times and helped you regardless of the way you regurgitate my past words as if they were your own epiphany. I hate who you can be and how asymmetrically your kindness lacks for me.

And somehow I'm still so deeply and hopelessly drawn to you.

I don't want to be with you. I don't want anyone else to be with you. I want to be with the person I think you are but every time you do something heinous, I die as you stray further from the person I dream of.

You tempt me with your drunken kisses and your open, confessing heart dangling in front of me, hypnotising me into believing that not only is the person in my head real but gazing back into my eyes.

Until I see the spark in yours is just mine reflecting and I can't feel any warmth of love other than my own.

I remember the boys you like. They don't look like me. They don't sound like me. They aren't me, for even the simple fact that you smile so wide when you see their name appear in little pixels a foot away from your face. They'll stray on your mind in my company. I understand why. You'll change the conversation to them if only to prove to someone else that you are loved and worthy of it. In my head I say I know you are loved, you don't need to prove it to me. I am the evidence. Love is asymmetrical and cruel sometimes.

I try to cut off this feeling for you as if it were my own arm and I were holding the saw but try as I might, the blades are dull and my strength fails me.

I hopelessly run from you. I hide and surround myself with false walls that crumble if you even mention my name, I couldn't bear making you upset. I'm one of the only boys to never make you cry and maybe that's why I can't make you as happy as I really want to, because I can't also make you rip apart your bed sheets and scream into your pillow until your lungs hurt. I can't make you stain your clothes with your mascara and put a blade to your own skin. I know how to but I could never do it. I don't know why you think that's what love is. I don't know why you think that's how you have to prove you love someone. Maybe all I really want is to be wanted. Wanted by you. But how would that be possible if I only want to care for you.

You're happier without me as long as there's someone else to fill the space that I occupy just to make sure you can't destroy yourself. If I'm not there, you fall. But by being there I am dug deeper into the mud that I stand on.

Your perspective is so very different to my own. I'm another boy who can't take their eyes off of you. Another boy who can't just be friends. I wish I could be put off by you and just stay friends too. I don't struggle with keeping girls as friends as some might, just you.

The boy with the moustache who's 3 inches taller than me and 10 inches taller than you can always win your heart. To the victor goes the spoils, but I don't like seeing you as something to be won. And as a terrifying realisation, more because that would mean I'd lost already and the final judgement called. I'd rather believe that your decisions are your own, then I remember how your intentions and your promises sway in the direction of the strongest winds.

Why would I want to be with someone who so desperately cannot stomach the idea of being with me. Your negative qualities stare me in the face and yell and scream at me to go away and find someone better. I'm stubborn and stupid. I'm not hideous, I've felt love before, but never have I wanted to use the nice wrapping paper and prettiest bow and offer it to you with flowers and watch your face light up when you open it.

The jumper I bought you sits at the bottom of your drawer, messed up in a ball. I've never seen you wear it but I have seen the same grotty pair of jogging bottoms draped on you, from the behemoth that you called your last abuser, 50 times since he left you for the 5th time.

You sound like a selfish mess who only wants to use me to feel better. And I so desperately want to make you feel better.

Hopefully my love will cease entirely, then I won't have to risk it coming out like this again.

[localvoid-golem]

ADHD meds and Haddie

I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to seek out medication for ADHD. Its been kind of a long time coming, but I've finally hit the "hard stuff" at least as far as Texas goes. Amphetamine salts (Adderall) have always been off the list for me for a number of reasons, from personal stigma to health concerns regarding my other medications. 

Anyway, I've been trying them over the past three months, and I've got opinions. Its interesting how big the difference is. 

I started off with just a basic dose of 2  five mg pills of 'instant release" amphetamine salts. The difference wasn't obvious on the first couple days, but then it clicked. 

Without medication, I'd always describe the struggle to go do something I 'needed' to go do as a fight between the 'need' and how 'sticky' the thing I am doing at this moment was. I am sure the stickiness has some tie to dopamine reactions or whatever, but the stickiness has been basically between me and my tasks. 

On the IR salts, things weren't sticky. I thought about needing to go empty the dishwasher, I could go do it. I also was able to keep a list of things to do in the short term in my head. ( 1. dishwasher, 2. move laundry over, 3. take out trash) I could not do this off of the salts. I also stopped losing things. I remembered where I put things down, and I had an easier time looking through a bunch of similar items to find the one thing I needed, like spices in the spice rack. 

But the IR salts, even as I spaced them out, tended to wear off by early afternoon. The effects lingered but by evening I was just back to the start, more or less. I also would find myself having trouble taking breaks from things that were on my "Need to do" list, which basically meant I was over-focusing on work. I get paid well enough, but they don't pay me enough to get 100% of my attention for 8 hours every day and it was a sort of exhausting. 

I've been on a slightly stronger dose of the extended release salts this month at 15mg pills once a day, I can tell the effect is still around, but muted. What I am doing isn't super sticky during the day, and I can hold a couple of items in a queue in my head. I am losing things again though. 

So I am going to ask for a slight increase in the dose again to 20 mg. I want to find that sweet spot of being able to go just do a thing, hold a list of items, and stop losing my stuff but not working harder than necessary.