#I need to give you otome diabetes

[the-voltage-diaries]

“No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.” - Taki Kozaki

For @voltage-vixen​ LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN, YES?!

Also, this is just fluff. LITERALLY JUST FLUFF. 

“I need to get up now, Taki,” Kristen sighs, her hands reaching up to cover my own, resting on her waist.

“Mmm,” I murmur, tightening my arms around her, too busy taking in her warmth to focus on what she’s saying.

“You’ll have to let me get up,” she says, and turns her head around when I don’t reply. “Are you even listening?”

“No.”

“Good lord.” She rolls her eyes and tries to push my arm away in an attempt to move, “I need to make breakfast, Taks.”

“I’d rather have you.”

“Taki-”

“5 more minutes.”

“You said that 15 minutes ago.”

Did I, now? Too bad, it felt like 2 minutes ago to me.

“Damn it,” she mutters, and I sense a hint of annoyance in her tone when I don’t respond. “Are you even-”

“Hush,” I whisper, interrupting her, and pull her close, “You can’t get up. You’re my prisoner for today.”

My lips form a smirk when I hear her groan in defeat, her body finally relaxing against mine. She takes a deep breath, her head coming back down to rest on the pillow.

Mmm... you’re warm.

“I should really make break-”

“Quiet, you.” I murmur, displeasure lining my tone at her reluctance, and lift one of my arms from around her waist to bring my hand near her mouth, placing a finger against her lips. “It’s just 7 AM.”

“Fine,” she groans, reaching out to my other arm and intertwining our fingers.

Finally. 

I squeeze her hand back, and my thumb involuntarily starts moving along her delicate skin, stroking with a steady pace, moving back and forth.

She settles into me, and I feel her lips smile against my finger. Her other hand moves up to my head, smooth fingertips coming in contact with my hair. Her fingers start caressing my scalp, following the rhythm of my thumb.

“What?” Kristen asks, turning her head a little to have me in her periphery when she hears me let out a pleased hum, “Does that feel good?”

“Yeah,” I mumble, bending my head lower to give her a little more access. My breath falls on her shoulders and I hear her let out a small gasp. “Keep doing that,” I say when I feel her fingers stop moving.

“You know what?” She smiles, her fingers re-starting their rounds through my hair.

“Mm?”

“You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.”

“Haha,” I chuckle, opening my eyes for the first time today. I blink a couple of times clear out some of the sleep in them, and look at her, “You know what?”

“What?”

“It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”

I grin, satisfied when I see the red blossoming on her cheeks. She bites her lip, embarrassed, and averts her eyes.

Ah, how the tables have turned.

My finger, which was placed on her lips earlier, moves down to rest on the other side of her chin, gently pushing her face towards mine. I look into her eyes, smiling when her big, beautiful ones return the gesture. 

I bend my head lower, placing a light kiss on her lips. She sighs against me, clearly enjoying herself, and her fingers stop stroking my hair, instead reaching down settle around my neck, pulling me closer.

After a moment, I pull back a little, but not too much; just enough to look at her, so close that if I moved my head even a little, our mouths would be connected again.

“Your lips are so soft, I could kiss them all day,” I murmur, looking at her.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” she whispers, “if I didn’t have a breakfast to prepare for.”

Way to go and ruin the mood.

I roll my eyes, and instead of letting her go, I do the opposite; I bring her body closer to mine. At this point, we’re close enough to probably even melt into each other.

“No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”

She giggles, shaking her head in defeat, and moves back, resting her back against my chest.

I hum, pleased, and slide my other arm back around her waist.

I close my eyes again, feeling her body relax alongside mine, and rest my head next to hers, my nose nuzzling into her hair.

Silent moments pass between us as her breathing slows down, forming a steady tempo. Her shoulders move up and down in a rhythm, signalling that she is asleep, or so I assume.

I smile, looking at how utterly peaceful she looks, and place a kiss on her shoulder.

I love you, Kristen.

I pull back one of my arms, using my fingers to slowly trace out the very same phrase on her back, making sure to not wake her up. My fingertips form that phrase over and over, as if having a mind of their own.

After a few minutes, I pull my other arm back too, careful to not disrupt her sleep. I bend low to kiss her shoulder one more time before turning around on the bed, reaching out to grab my phone.

I turn it on and open one of the news apps, about to get up and start my day. I try to make as little sound as possible, thinking that Kristen is still fast asleep...

... until I feel two arms wrap around me from behind, our roles now reversed.

“I love you too,” she whispers, placing her lips on my shoulder, smiling against the kiss she leaves there.

[chibinekochan]

Hmmm, I dunno why I imagine this but, what happens if MC made the brothers (+undateables if possible) watch human world anime, what anime should it be??

Sure I will just use anime that I watched. I'm calling myself out here lol.  

These are just recommendations to them, not really a reaction. It would just be you and them sitting somewhere being comfy and cuddling with you while watching any of these.

                                                   Leviathan

Kaguya-Sama: Love is War (Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: Tensai-tachi no Renai Zunousen) - No brainer here. It's a romcom with a lot of shojo insider jabs. It's funny and meta. Also the main characters are cute together. (JUST DATE ALREADY)

     Pretty Rhythm (and it's male version king of prism)

sion)- So this is an ice skating/idol kinda think. It has music, fashion, and some good drama. It gets very strange. This series is a delightful drug trip. Especially the king of prism movie/series is something else. Well I just want Levi to wtf about it with me. 

(Yeah it can get a bit boring since it's an idol anime. Much like the Pripara series, but like at one point one girl gets processed by a dress. Where else can you get that?)

                 Cute High Earth Defense Club LOVE! (Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei Bu Love!) - It's a magical boy series. It's 90 percent comedy and 90 percent gay, the rest is hot springs. It's honestly a lot of fun. As a lover of magical girl anime Levi will surely enjoy this spoof of the genre. (Also watch Cute High Earth Defense Club Happy Kiss!)

           Zombieland Saga - Zombie Idol girls. Enough said. It's honestly fun to watch.

*Literally every anime you have ever seen*

                       Satan

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard (Housekisho Richard-shi no Nazo Kantei)- This one is like a detective story but with gemstones. It's very interesting. It has some interesting facts and it's a bit like Holmes and Watson but without murder. *Also Richard looks very good*

                                        Ascendance of a Bookworm (Honzuki no Gekokujou: Shisho ni Naru Tame ni wa Shudan wo Erandeiraremasen)- A girl that loves books gets reborn into a world where books don't exist, so she has to find a way to make them herself. This is a very good anime. The heroine is very knowledgeable and it's a fun anime to watch. (Dr.Stone is also an anime that is a bit similar to this one, so might as well watch that too.)

             Beelzebub 

Yakitate!! Japan - An anime about making bread in Japan. It's an a bit older anime and it's pretty long but it is pretty interesting. It follows a typical sport anime formula but with bread.

             Haikyuu!! - Volleyball anime. The boys are pretty hot. *My fave is Kenma.* 

           Asmodeus

Free! - Hot boys in swimwear. What else do you need? *You all watched this one already*

Yuri on Ice - Ice Skating but with romance. *I don't need to explain this one.*

                          Lucifer 

Chihayafuru - Japanese poem memory sport? I'm not sure how to explain this but just picture a sport anime but with more drama. It's somehow very interesting. * I dunno how good it fits but it got poems so well?* I recommend regardless.

                Kono Oto Tomare!: Sounds of Life - School/Sport/club anime but about learning the Koto. It has classical music and an interesting drama. Even some romance.

                  Mammon

Senryuu Girl - This one is about a girl that just communicates with Senryuu poems. She doesn't speak and the anime doesn't “fix” her. The boy in this one is an ex delinquent but a very good boy. It's very sweet.

Astra Lost in Space(Kanata no Astra)-some teenagers get lost in space. (It's much more than that but I don't want to spoil anything). Good drama/mystery, nice locations and good romance. Mammon might learn something from the resident Tsundere.

             Belphegor

Uchitama?! Have you seen my Tama?- Anime about cute cats and dogs but they look like humans sometimes. It's cute and funny, the episodes are pretty short and lighthearted for the most part. *One episode is heartbreaking*

Mewkledreamy - Magical? Girl anime. They go into other people's dreams. (I dunno why I watch this one either. I think it was the cat plush)

               Barbatos

Black butler - Not to call anyone out but you know. He is one hell of a Butler.

                  Diavolo

                                       Dance With Devils- I just love this anime so much. Demon musical with romance. I just feel like he will enjoy this one. *I use every excuse I can to at least add one otome anime lol*

Simeon

My Roommate is a Cat (Doukyonin wa Hiza, Tokidoki, Atama no Ue.)- It's about a guy that adopts a cat. It's cute and it's sad and the cat is very cute. Also the guy is an author.

                            Luke

Pretty Cure - The entire library of all the different series. That will keep him busy. It has some good friendship and team lessons. Also magical girls and pets. 

Yumeiro Patissiere - is a very cute anime about a girl that wants to become a Pastry Chef. It will probably give you diabetes.

                            So here we go. Shoutout to the 500 anime that I didn't add.

Feel free to add some of your own.

              Check my Obey me! Masterlist for more content          

[r-f-a-scenarios]

MASTERPOST

tldr: some people told me my masterpost link was not working on mobile. i hope i can fix this issue with a new theme, but until i’ve found a proper solution – you can find all my stuff under read more.

☆ – 100+ notes ★ – 300+ notes

SCENARIOS: general tag | 6.5k followerspecial

yoosung | zen | jaehee | jumin | seven | v | unknown

fluff:

☆ reader stroking 707’s hair

wedding plans with 707

☆ yoosung catching reader drawing him

reader coming out to zen / jaehee as a transboy

yoosung meeting very shy reader for the first time

☆ reader sleeptalks to 707 / zen

☆ zen hinting he wants a baby with reader

☆ rfa members noticing jumin’s / zen’s hickeys

☆ yoosung trying to impress oblivious reader

angst:

reader breaking up with yoosung

smut:

☆ first time zen

☆ first time 707

☆ dry humping and grinding yoosung

☆ zen receiving a blowjob from reader

halloween:

☆ zen making reader his vampire queen

FOLLOWERSPECIAL:

fluff:

“you must be cold. have my jacket.” – seven to mc

“i was dreaming about you.” – seven to mc

“do you want to marry me?” – zen to mc

“two sugars, right?” – v to mc

“do you want to marry me?” – saeran to mc

“pull over. let me drive for a while.” – vanderwood to mc

“can i have this dance?” – jaehee to mc

“i love you.” – mc to jumin

“you’re important too.” – yoosung to mc

“i dreamt about you last night.” – yoosung to mc

“i love you.” – mc to saeran

☆ “stay there. i will pick you up.” – zen to mc

angst:

“quit lying to me. i know you’re seeing someone else.” – jaehee to mc

☆ “they were right when they said i shouldn’t trust you.” – mc to jumin

☆ “i regret all we’ve ever been through.” – mc to seven

☆ “i’m sorry, but mc didn’t survive the accident.” – to jumin

“quit harassing me or i will call the police.” – mc to yoosung

☆ “who are you? i don’t remember ever seeing you.” – mc to seven

“quit lying to me. i know you’re seeing someone else.” – seven to mc

“you left me. i don’t need you crawling back to me.” – jumin to mc

“i can’t forget about you. please forgive me.” – zen to mc

“you never look that happy when you’re with me.” – mc to v

“i love you.” – v to mc

“i’m sorry, but mc didn’t survive the accident.” – to yoosung

“you filthy cheater!” – seven to mc

“who are you? i don’t remember ever seeing you.” – mc to zen

“you don’t even have to say anything about it? you’re pathetic.” – mc to v

“get the fuck out of my house.” – mc to zen

smut:

☆ “where do you want me to touch you?” – seven to mc

☆ “you’re mine. and i will make sure others know.” – yoosung to mc

☆ “you’re mine. and i will make sure others know.” – zen to mc

☆ “you’re mine. and i will make sure others know.” – saeran to mc

“i will make you beg for it.” – seven to mc

“i will make you beg for it.” – seven to mc

☆ “you’re playing a dangerous game, trying to get my attention like this.” – jumin to mc

“touch yourself for me.” – mc to yoosung

“touch yourself for me.” – saeran to mc

“i can’t wait any longer. let’s do it right here, right now.” – zen to mc

“are you trying to turn me on? it’s working.” – mc to zen

“i can’t wait any longer. let’s do it right here, right now.” – seven to mc

“touch yourself for me.” – seven to mc

“touch yourself for me.” – mc to zen

“you want to have sex here? what if someone hears or sees us?” – jaehee to mc

☆ “you want to have sex here? what if someone hears or sees us?” – mc to jumin

HEADCANONS: general tag | halloween | christmas

yoosung | zen | jaehee | jumin | seven | v | unknown

fluff:

☆ lazy day with yoosung / 707

☆ 707 / yoosung with chubby reader

☆ relationship with jumin / 707

☆ zen with chubby reader

★ reader in labour and rfa members see their baby for the first time

rfa members helping reader working out

☆ rfa members comforting reader during their period

☆ reader painting nails with the rfa members

☆ 707 taking care of sick reader

☆ buff reader picking up rfa members

☆ rfa members and pda

jaehee / jumin with chubby reader

☆ rfa members react to reader needing music to fall asleep

★ reader taking rfa members confession as a prank

☆ rfa members spending time with their kids

☆ rfa members finding out reader is really tall

☆ rfa members confessing their love

☆ rfa members valentine’s day gifts for reader

rfa members find out reader has bad acne

☆ 707 teaching reader computer skills and hacking

☆ rfa members and reader playing paintball

rfa members + v reacting to reader being a soccer player

☆ rfa boys find out reader is pregnant when they get baby clothes

☆ rfa members + v + unknown react to reader wearing clothes of them

rfa members going to a carnival with reader

☆ habits of rfa members/reader that they find cute about each other

zen and reader on a rainy day

☆ rfa + v + unknown playing seven minutes in heaven with reader

☆ rfa members react to a small child proposing to them with flowers

★ rfa members react to small child proposing to reader with flowers

★ rfa + v + unknown react to reader playfully slapping their butt

rfa + v + unknown celebrating easter with catholic!reader

rfa + v + unknown + vanderwood with reader who loves plants

rfa + v + unknown helping reader take care of their kid from a previous relationship

v + unknown + vanderwood calming reader down after a nightmare

☆ rfa members + v + unknown playing in the rain with reader

rfa members taking / posting couple pictures with reader

707 teaching timid reader how to swim

☆ rfa + unknown reacting to reader picking up one of their habits

rfa members reacting to reader bringing selfmade surprise cupcakes to the party

angst:

☆ overprotective yoosung

☆ overprotective jumin

☆ rfa members finding out about reader’s overprotective older brother

☆ rfa members react to reader suffering from amnesia

☆ rfa members react to readers ex getting back in touch

☆ rfa members react to reader selfharming

☆ v reacts to reader selfharming

☆ rfa members + v + unknown react to reader having a panic attack

SPOILERS reader throwing themselves in front of v in the after ending

rfa members + v react to reader participating in illegal car races

rfa members + saeran with an s/o with bad kidneys

☆ rfa members react to reader being troubled by self esteem issues

overprotective zen

rfa members find out reader used to be a bully

smut:

☆ zen eating out reader

☆ 707 eating out reader

☆ first time with yoosung

first time with jaehee

☆ sex with jumin

☆ yoosung / 707 receiving oral

☆ rfa members react to reader doing the ahegao face

☆ rfa members with a male reader

☆ reader making out with rfa members and leaving them horny

☆ yoosung / zen / jumin / 707 masturbating

★ rfa members walking in on masturbating reader

☆ reader walking in on masturbating rfa members

★ reader giving rfa boys / v a blowjob

★ rfa members react to readers daddy/bdsm kink

dominant v

☆ things reader does that turns on the rfa members + v

☆ rfa members giving oral

zen and jumin react to reader suggesting a threesome

☆ rfa + v + saeran react to reader having a kink

☆ rfa + v + saeran react to reader waking them with a kiss / trying to arouse them

eating out jaehee

☆ rfa members + unknown bending reader over a table

rfa members react to reader dancing to “or nah” by the weeknd

☆ rfa + v + saeran failing to seduce reader who is very sleepy

uncategorized:

☆ what personality traits the rfa members like

☆ rfa members find out reader is an idol

rfa members find out reader is a dj

reader coming out as ace to the rfa members

rfa members find out reader loves theater

☆ rfa members find out reader is their favorite author

☆ music taste of the rfa members

☆ rfa members react to reader using a lipdick

☆ rfa members when drunk

rfa members as alice in wonderland characters

★ rfa members as element benders

☆ rfa members react to vegetarian reader

☆ rfa members + v react to reader already being a parent

rfa members and their hogwarts house

unknown’s hogwarts house

☆ rfa members react to reader not coming online very often

rfa members in a relationship with a reader who looks really young

v and unknown in a relationship with a reader who looks really young

rfa members + v finding out reader is bipolar

jumin with a independent reader

rfa members + v finding out reader is diabetic type 1

who the best love live girls of rfa + v + saeran + rika + vanderwood are

rfa members posting snaps

rfa + v + saeran and their rpg (fire emblem) classes

what instruments the rfa members + v + saeran play

☆ rfa members + v + saeran when drunk

☆ rfa members + v + saeran reacting to reader getting distracted by hands

rfa members react to reader smoking weed

rfa + v + unknown + vanderwood find out reader is the world’s greatest detective

rfa boys who think mc have a crush on them react to her coming out as lesbian

rfa members with an arrogant himedere!s/o

rfa members in a harry potter!au

rfa + v + unknown react to reader playing an otome game

rfa members react to reader snoring really loud

rfa members + v with a photographer!reader

rfa members + unknown with an s/o who tends to get frustrated easily

rfa members + unknown react to reader fangirling

halloween:

☆ rfa members react to an easily spooked reader

☆ rfa members + v react to readers suggestion to try out an ouija board

☆ rfa members help reader pick out a costume

☆ seven + jumin react to reader in a revealing cat costume

☆ rfa members + v help their children with their costumes

☆ reader reading out horror stories to rfa members + v

☆ serial killer au: rfa members react to murderer!reader and how they die

☆ rfa members and reader giving out candy to trick or treaters

☆ rfa members + v react to reader getting their head stuck in a pumpkin

☆ rfa members + v playing horror games with reader

★ reader scaring the rfa members (pretending to be a serial killer)

☆ rfa members react to mc being able to see ghosts

☆ rfa members turning into what they dressed up as for halloween

rfa members + unknown react to someone ruining reader’s self made costume

☆ rfa members + v + unknown react to reader dressing up as them

v reacts to reader trying to scare him

rfa members and their s/o’s pregnancy halloween costume

☆ rfa + v + saeran meeting reader at a halloween party for the first time

☆ rfa members react to reader who is really excited for halloween

werewolf!zen confessing to mc that he’s not human

☆ rfa members + unknown + v as supernatural beings

christmas:

yoosung / 707 with an s/o whose birthday is on xmas

☆ rfa + v + unknown giving mistletoe kisses

☆ rfa members react to reader in christmas themed lingerie

rfa members preparing christmas dinner with/for reader

[ikementally-deficient]

Iron Chef Sengoku - Chapter 1

Fandom: Ikemen Sengoku

Warnings: None-so-far!

Summary: Date Masamune, Chef. Oda Nobunaga, former Chef with ambitions of TV stardom. 

Tags: Cooking AU, Iron Chef

Author’s Note: ‘Kojuro’ was the common name of the head of the Katakura clan, who served as senior retainers to the Date clan. You recognise him if you’ve ever played everyone’s other favourite Sengoku warlord Otome, Samurai Love Ballad Party. Saigo Magoichi is a similar title for the head of the Saigo/Suzuki clan, and one of them apocryphally served in Masamune’s rifle troop. ‘Megohime’ was the wife of the historical Date Masamune. ‘Sumire’ is not, to the best of my knowledge, a name associated with any particular woman of the Sengoku era; rather, it’s the name of the lead character in my favourite josei manga, Kimi wa Petto/Tramps Like Us. My Sumire is not related to that one, but I do like the name. 

According to the Diabetes Association of Canada and the Mayo Clinic, although onset of Type 1 diabetes is most common in juveniles, it can appear at any age. Development is not linked to sugar intake, but it does give Hideyoshi a good reason to get upset about Nobunaga’s candy habit.

**************

The kitchen of Oshu buzzed with activity and good cheer. It was nearing 11 pm, and the only station still working was the desserts, where Magoichi was artistically arranging several plates of wagashi. The dessert chef hummed absently to himself as he worked, oblivious to any scrutiny. The rest of the staff were wiping counters and sweeping up, preparing to close. The dishwasher sat ajar, waiting for the last diners’ plates. 

Date Masamune leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his broad chest. It had been a good, busy night, and his cooks had performed admirably, as they always did. He nodded approvingly as Magoichi’s plates went past him to the dining room and moved to the centre of the kitchen. He’d never approved of the kind of plating and presentation that went on in haute cuisine, partly because of his own lack of patience, and partly because he felt sub-par chefs used it to distract from the mediocrity of their food. Wagashi was different; each tiny pastry was like a delicious gem, displayed to perfection to nourish the spirit as well as the palate. Magoichi’s wagashi were always beautiful. Oshu was lucky to have him.

“All right, lads!” He clapped his hands and smiled broadly. “The battle is well fought and won. Help Magoichi clean up and get set up for last call. Tonight’s special is curry udon and pork cutlets.” A cheer went up and everyone not already occupied with cleaning went to the open area at the back of the kitchen and started setting up a long folding table. Masamune adjusted the dark blue bandana keeping his shock of chestnut hair tucked inside his toque before striding out to the hostess’s station. Sumire, the senior hostess, was preparing receipts for the table currently tucking into Magoichi’s creations.

“Hey, Chef. No last-minute surprises. These guys look like they’ll be ready to leave in ten minutes. They’ve already told Kita they don’t want any tea.” 

“Great.” Masamune rested his forearms on the riser of the hostess station. “We’re just finishing clean up in the kitchen, desserts was the only thing left.”

Sumire grinned. “What’s for dinner tonight?”

“Curry udon and pork cutlets. Your favourite.”

Her groan was both delighted and despairing. “If you keep feeding us like this, Chef, you’re going to have to roll me out of this restaurant some day.”

Masamune winked at Sumire. For all he fed her and the rest of the staff, the woman was a twig. “Maybe it’s my way of keeping my staff loyal. You can’t quit if you’re too fat to leave!”

Sumire giggled, then waved him away as one of the diners at the final table caught her eye and waved. Masamune chuckled to himself and wandered back into the kitchen. 

“Kojuro, help me get the beer.” Katakura Kojuro, his sous chef, followed Masamune towards the walk-in fridge, where they grabbed two cases of Sapporo. 

“Good night, eh?” The older man looked satisfied. Masamune grinned broadly at him. 

“Good enough, and no dawdlers delaying our after-party!” As the men stepped out of the fridge, Masamune saw the table and chairs were set up and Magoichi had already started serving the curry. As Masamune set the case in the middle of the table, he could hear Sumire answering the phone at her station. “Oi, Sumire, tell them we’re closed and come get your dinner!” 

When Sumire entered the kitchen a few minutes later, all the staff but Masamune had a beer in hand and a bowl of curry. Masamune had a cup of tea, which he raised in her direction. “Come on, lass, you’re keeping us waiting!” 

“Sorry, Chef, that last call had a message for you.” She handed him a slip of paper with a name and phone number scribbled on it before accepting the beer Kojuro was holding out for her. She popped it open with practised ease. “He said it was vital you call him tonight, if at all possible.” Sumire slid into the seat left vacant for her and raised the bottle. “Kanpai!” 

“Kanpai!” the rest of the table cheered back at her. Masamune took a swig of his tea and scanned the note as everyone dug into their dinner. 

(011-271-6677) Oda Nobunaga

Oda? He hadn’t heard from Oda Nobunga since the man had retired from cooking two years ago. Now he was merely the owner of the Sixth Heaven, a step down in the opinion of any chef. By all accounts, his former sous-chef Hideyoshi Toyotomi was doing an excellent job with the kitchen there; Masamune had no idea why Oda might need to speak with him urgently.

He stepped away from the table, taking his bowl with him. “Carry on, lads! I’m going to see what this is about.” A few shouts of commiseration trailed behind him as he went to his tiny office and shut the door. He contemplated the number for a minute before shaking his head and opening a line on his desk phone while shoveling curry into his mouth. The speaker blared for a few seconds, then clicked.

“Oda.”

Masamune swallowed hurriedly. “Oda-san, Date. My hostess said it was urgent. Did Toyotomi forget to bleach a counter and give himself psychosomatic food poisoning?”

“Date!” Nobunaga chuckled. “Nothing so dire as that. This isn’t about the Sixth Heaven at all, actually.”

Masamune leaned back in his chair and rubbed a hand under his eyepatch. “Then what, Oda-san? Surely you didn’t call at closing time on a Tuesday night to reminisce?”

“Actually, my friend, I have a business proposition for you. Are you free tomorrow morning?”

Masamune sat up straight again. “You know I stay out of other people’s business propositions. Paying you back for Oshu was enough.”

“No, this is nothing like that. I’m not asking you for any money. In fact, if this goes well, you’ll probably get a nice bump out of it.” Nobunaga’s voice was replete with confidence. Masamune eyed the phone doubtfully, letting the pause lengthen. Finally, Nobunaga continued. “At least give me the opportunity to make my case in person, Date.”

A sigh escaped Masamune. “We open at 11 for lunch service. How long do you think you’ll need?”

Nobunaga hummed contemplatively on the other end of the line. “Can you come by my office at the Sixth Heaven at 8 am? Two hours should be more than enough and give you time to get back to Oshu.”

Masamune winced. Early rising was not his favourite activity, but Nobunaga had piqued his interest. “Alright then, 8 am. This had better be worth it.”

“Oh, I think you’ll agree it is,” Nobunaga answered smugly. “Tomorrow, Date. 8 am.” 

Masamune put the phone back in its cradle. Whatever Oda was playing at, it’d probably be interesting, but eight o’clock? In the morning? His cellphone chirped from the pocket of the leather jacket slung over the back of the chair, and he jumped. “Shit!” He fumbled it out and answered the call.

“Masa,” a sweet soprano voice purred. “What time will you be coming? I’m getting bored waiting for you.” 

“Eh, Megohime,” he smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. “Actually, something’s come up and I have an early appointment tomorrow. Rain check?”

“Aww, Masa-kun.” The soprano voice pouted at him alluringly. “You’ll make it up to me, right?” The last word had a wicked curl to it, and Masamune smirked. 

“Of course I will. I know what you like best.” He let his voice rumble enticingly. “I’ll text you later this week, all right?”

“Oh, all right.”

Masamune flicked the phone off and dropped it back into his jacket before turning his attention to his cooling dinner, Megohime already forgotten.

********************************

At eight A.M., Masamune rolled his motorcycle to a stop in front of the Peninsula hotel. He cut the engine and cast his gaze up the 24 stories of the skyscraper. Pictures of the skyscraper lit up at night made it seem very dramatic and romantic, but to his jaded morning eye it was merely bombastic. Still suits Oda, he grunted to himself as he pulled off his helmet. A valet hurried towards him, bowing. 

“Forgive me, sir, but your motorcycle can’t be left here!”

Masamune toyed with the idea of just tossing the keys to the valet and letting him figure it out, but the chance of damage to his bike outweighed the comic appeal. He sighed. “I have a meeting with the owner of The Sixth Heaven this morning. Where can I park?”

Name-dropping Oda got him directed to a private section of the underground parking lot, near a service elevator. He parked and carried his helmet with him, entering the elevator with several women wearing the uniform of cleaning staff. He towered above them all from the back, but would have stood out anyways in his royal blue moto jacket and leather chaps. He tilted his head enough to see the woman standing immediately to his right, and exaggeratedly winked his left eye at her. She blushed a healthy bright red and the rest of them giggled. When the elevator reached the second floor he exited, tossing a grin and a wave over his shoulder. More giggling and a few sighs were cut off as the doors closed behind him. He made his way down the tastefully silent hallway and ornate restaurant entrance, shaking his head. All this opulence made his teeth itch.

He stopped at a heavy wooden door with ‘Oda’ engraved on it at eye level and banged his helmet against it gently in lieu of a knock. The door clicked open immediately, opening to reveal a slender man with feral features and silvery hair. Masamune nodded briefly.

“Akechi-san. I’m here to see Oda.”

Akechi Mitsuhide smiled thinly and stepped back to allow him access to the antechamber. “Nobunaga mentioned you’d be paying a visit this morning.” He waved Masamune in. “Can I bring you a drink?” Mitsuhide was the head bartender of The Sixth Heaven, and served as personal mixologist for Nobunaga whenever his boss was running business meetings. His mind was as sharp as his ears, and he excelled at serving drinks that loosened people’s tongues. Masamune shook his head.

“You know I don’t touch it.” He was well aware of Mitsuhide’s predilection for sneaking sake into his cup. It would be far from the first time. The arch of Mitsuhide’s white eyebrow indicated amusement at the thought, but he waved a hand in negation. 

“I’m well aware of your difficulties holding your liquor, Date-san, but I do have tea and coffee on hand as well. Nobunaga does want you to hear his proposition, not sleep through it.”

“Fine, green tea.” 

“I’ll bring it in. Nobunaga’s waiting for you through there,” Mitsuhide indicated the door to Nobunaga’s inner sanctum with another languid wave as he moved towards the door that presumably hid the drink service. Masamune pushed through the door and into a smaller, but no less opulent office. Oda Nobunaga sat behind a desk done in tiger stripes of ebony and lacquer. The carpet was plush, with a geometric design in black and scarlet. The rest of the furniture was black leather. Masamune nodded in greeting as he took a seat in the swiveling armchair facing the desk’s owner, his chaps creaking against the cushion. 

“Oda-san. Isn’t all this,” he waved vaguely at the room, “a bit much?”

Nobunaga was leaning back in his vast executive chair, and didn’t bother to sit up when Masamune entered. He shrugged a response, bringing a steaming cup to his lips. The smell of coffee hit Masamune. “Oh, it’s not very minimalistic, I grant you, but we are a Cantonese restaurant. Japanese restraint would hardly be appropriate.” He set the cup down again on the blotter. “Good morning to you as well.”

Masamune let his helmet roll under his seat and shrugged off his jacket, then leaned forward, elbows on his thighs. “What’s all this about?”

“Straight to business then? No more comments about my interior decorator’s work? Fine, then.” Nobunaga smirked lazily, then finally leaned forward. “I find that since stepping down as Chef here, I’ve been getting bored.” He paused as the door opened to admit Mitsuhide carrying a cup of tea. “I miss the challenge, and the --” he paused again, searching for the right word. “The performance of cooking.”

Masamune nodded his brief thanks to Mitsuhide as he lifted the cup to his face and sniffed the tea. No alcohol that he could detect, and the tea itself was high quality. “So, what does this have to do with me? You could step back into your own kitchen at any time. Toyotomi would never begrudge you the job.” He sipped the tea and squinted across the desk suspiciously. “There’s certainly no room for you at Oshu.”

This time Nobunaga laughed out loud. “No, no, those days are long past me. Time for the new generation to step up.” He pulled a remote control out of the desk drawer and pointed it at the wall. A black screen painted with a dragon in gold and scarlet silently slid upwards into a recess in the ceiling, revealing a television. The screen flickered to life. 

A martial theme began to play as the words ‘Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.’ floated on the screen. The theme nagged as Masamune’s memory, but he couldn’t place it until the voice over started describing Kitchen Stadium. He stared at Nobunaga blankly.

“Iron Chef? You want to compete on Iron Chef?”

“Compete? No, didn’t I just say I was done with cooking?” Nobunaga shook his head in amusement. “I want to remake Iron Chef.”

Masamune burst out laughing. “With yourself as the owner of Kitchen Stadium, I assume?”

“Indeed. I think I’d make an excellent Chairman, don’t you?”

“You’re certainly hammy enough for it.” 

“I think the title of Chairman is played out, though.” Nobunaga gave his guest a significant look. “I prefer . . . Shogun.”

“Shogun Oda. It has a good ring to it. And the chefs would be your daimyos?”

“I think it fits the level of drama the series needs.” Nobunaga leaned back again and gestured expansively. “I want to do the entire series in a Sengoku theme. Shogun, daimyo, samurai chefs, over-the-top uniforms, the whole nine yards.”

“I like it! Everyone enjoys a good historical drama.”

“We’ll update the format a little too. The old one-on-one competition lacks flair. Audiences these days prefer continuity. I’m planning a five episode series, with four Iron Chefs and two competitors. Each episode will have both contenders against one Chef, and then against each other at the end. There’ll be a running ranking, with the winner announced at the end of the series.” Nobunaga clasped his hands together over his stomach. “What do you think?”

“It’s a good plan. But,” Masamune set down his tea cup. “You still haven’t explained why I’m here.” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Nobunaga lifted an eyebrow and smirked at him. “I want you to be one of the Iron Chefs. The most important one, even, since Japanese is your specialty.”

“Huh. And who else have you signed on to this?”

“You’re the first I’ve approached. I trust no one else with our national cuisine.”

Masamune grunted skeptically at that. “You mean, you don’t have enough dirt on anyone else to twist their arm.” His dry tone belied his rising interest.

“Come now, Masamune.” Nobunaga leaned forward. “Your debt to me is cleared, you know that. I invited you here as a respected peer, not a vassal.”

Masamune leaned back himself, considering. For all he mocked Oda’s hamminess, he was self-aware enough to know how much he himself enjoyed the spotlight. He rested his chin on his right hand, feeling the faint scar under the edge of his eyepatch. “It’s tempting . . . ” A television series, a few new fangirls, a little extra fame for Oshu-- That last thought brought him back to reality. “But I can’t. Oshu is too busy these days. I can’t afford to take the time away from the kitchen.”

“Are you sure?” Nobunaga narrowed his eyes. “You know Katakura has more than enough experience to keep Oshu on an even keel for the few months this would take.” The older man was right, of course. Kojuro had taught Masamune most of what he knew about running a kitchen, starting from the day Date Terumune had brought his second son into the kitchen of Date’s.

Masamune shook his head regretfully. Oshu was his responsibility, not Kojuro’s. He hated the idea of not being there to care for his staff. “Maybe next year.” He gripped the arms of the chair, preparing to stand up. 

Nobunaga dipped his chin, frowning a little, but didn’t argue further. “Very well. It’s a shame, we could have used you. The audience would appreciate your charisma.” He clicked a few buttons on the remote, and the old episode of Iron Chef was replaced by a woman in kitchen whites, hair tucked into a tight bun under her cap. “Before you go, at least, would you review this audition tape for me? The woman’s name is Mizusaki Mai, and her specialty is Japanese as well.” He hit ‘play’ without waiting for an answer.

The woman onscreen bowed to the camera and smiled brightly while introducing herself. Masamune retrieved his tea and sipped it. She was cute, certainly, and lively, but it wasn’t until she mentioned bringing Ainu cuisine into mainstream Japanese cooking that he really started to pay attention. She spoke passionately about the need to preserve the minority culture and retain its lessons of simplicity and efficiency in nutrition in the modern day of empty flamboyance. 

Simplicity and efficiency, and somehow she’s caught Oda’s eye? Masamune looked across the desk as the video ended with the woman bowing again. “I appreciate her philosophy, certainly. Where did you find her?” 

Nobunaga looked serious. “You know why I retired from cooking?” He opened another drawer in his desk and removed what appeared to be a leather shaving kit. Masamune shook his head, but stayed silent. Nobunaga flipped the case open and removed a small plastic device with an LCD display and a lancet, which he pressed to his middle finger without flinching before displaying the resulting drop of blood to Masamune. The display lit up and beeped.

“I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes.” 

Masamune nodded. “I remember Toyotomi trying to protect the dessert station from your ‘quality testing’.”

“If he were less diligent, I suspect I’d be dead now instead of merely restricted.” Nobunaga shrugged one shoulder as he wiped the lancet with an alcohol swab and packed the kit away again. “The doctors tell me the sugar wasn’t a factor, but --” He shook his head. “Before I was diagnosed, I was eating at the restaurant Mai worked in at the time. I wasn’t feeling well, but attributed it to overwork, too much alcohol, you know how it is.” He barked a short laugh. “Turns out I was falling into a diabetic coma. When it affected my behaviour, my dining companions assumed I was drunk. Mai was passing through the dining room and realised what was happening, and called for help. Thanks to her, I was treated before any brain damage could occur.”

Masamune let out a slow whistle. “That’s quite the tale.” He glanced back at the freeze-frame of Mai on the wall. Add ‘perceptive’, ‘intelligent’, and ‘quick-thinking’ to ‘cute and lively’!

“Indeed.” Nobunaga shrugged again, annoying Masamune with his cavalier attitude. “In any case, I thought giving her a chance to compete on the new show would in some small way repay her, but I’m not sure about her angle here. I mean, Ainu cooking? Even in Hokkaido they don’t much care for it these days.” He fell silent, eyeing Masamune over the rim of his coffee cup.

“Well, it’s certainly not as flashy as your Hong Kong style here,” Masamune snapped back irritably, “But it’s nice to hear a professional show some appreciation for the food instead of the plating.”

Nobunaga waggled his fingers dismissively. “Let’s not start that argument again.” He turned off the television with a flick of the remote. “I assume that means you’d endorse her.”

“I would. If I were involved in this, which I’m not.” Masamune leaned down to retrieve his helmet before pushing out of the chair. Nobunaga shrugged philosophically. 

“Very well.” He stood as well, accompanying Masamune to the door. “Thanks for coming out this early, at least. I’m surprised you were able to tear yourself away from whichever woman’s warming your bed this week.” 

“Eh, I decided this meeting was worth getting a full night’s sleep beforehand.” 

“And Isaka was all right with that?”

Masamune paused, hand on the doorknob. “Oh, I haven’t seen Isaka since I left the Sixth Heaven.”

Nobunaga smirked. “And how many others have there been between Isaka and --?” 

“Megohime.” Masamune turned the knob. “And a few. You know that no one stays around long enough to come between me and Oshu.”

********************************

Nobunaga heard Masamune and Mitsuhide exchanging muffled farewells and the outer door closing. By the time Mitsuhide entered bearing a fresh pot of coffee, Nobunaga was back in his chair, staring out the window over his steepled fingers. 

“Congratulations, sir.” Mitsuhide refilled his boss’s cup and put the pot down on a trivet. “You played him well.”

“You suggested the leverage, Mitsuhide, as you well remember.” Nobunaga swiveled around to face the silver-haired man. “It will do Mai some good to go up against a chef like Masamune, and it will do me some good to use him to attract the others.” His brow creased. “The man is so damn likeable, we’d never get Uesugi and Takeda without him.” He shook his head, dismissing the thought. “How long do you predict it will take Katakura to change his mind?”

Mitsuhide made a show of pondering. “I suspect it will be within the next 48 hours.” He turned to leave the office. Nobunaga nodded agreement.

“Make sure the contract is ready when he calls.”

“Of course, sir.”

********************************

The motorcycle roared as Masamune pulled into the lot behind Oshu. Gravel flew as he swung around into his spot and killed the motor. Through the window into the kitchen he could see Kojuro going over a clipboard with Sumire. They looked up as the motor stopped; Sumire smiled and waved, but Kojuro looked solemn. 

Kojuro appeared in the office doorway as he was stripping off his chaps. “How was your meeting this morning? It didn’t keep you as late as you expected.” Masamune had called him before visiting Oda to advise he might be later than usual.

Masamune shrugged as he hung the leathers on the ancient coat tree in the corner. “Waste of an early morning. Oda’s planning a cooking show.” He grabbed his whites from the cubby hole next to his jacket. 

“And?”

“And what?” Careless of Kojuro’s presence and the open door, Masamune unbuckled his belt and let his worn jeans slide to the floor as he sat down in the desk chair to kick them off. 

“And did he just want to share his good news, or did he ask you to participate?”

“Oh, he wanted participation, all right.” Masamune swore under his breath when his jeans tangled around his boots, as they did every morning. You’d think I’d learn. Boots first! He fumbled with the laces.

Kojuro rolled his eyes. “And did you accept?”

“Accept?” Finally free of the right boot, Masamune started on the left. “How could I accept? I have responsibilities, Kojuro. I can’t be haring off to a studio for two months.” The left boot was forcefully kicked into the corner, and the right was tossed to join it. Masamune scuffed his jeans the rest of the way off and pulled his kitchen trousers on before looking up at Kojuro. The older man’s expression gave no hint of his opinion, but his set shoulders and folded arms radiated disapproval. Masamune was taken aback.

“Out with it, Kojuro. What’s eating you?”

His sous-chef’s lips tightened. He glanced over his shoulder into the hall, then came fully into the small room and closed the door behind him.

“You spend too much time here, Masamune.” Kojuro squeezed past a box of old menus to sit in the rickety wooden lawn chair that served visitors. “You need to branch out.”

Masamune gaped him for a minute before closing his mouth. “What in the nine hells does that even mean?”

“It means you’re in a rut.” Kojuro gave him a considering look. “You haven’t tried anything new in months, aside from new women.”

“Experiments are risky. I have to keep the good of our staff in mind!”

“Masamune --” The older man paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Masa-bo. Our staff are fine. You take excellent care of them -- of all of us.” Masamune scowled at the use of the childhood diminutive, but Kojuro continued before he could answer. “But you don’t take care of yourself. You thrive on innovation and excitement, but you’ve boxed yourself into a traditional restaurant and traditional cuisine.” He hesitated again. “Terumune wouldn’t have wanted you to limit yourself like this.”

“Don’t you tell me what my father would have wanted!” Masamune snapped, but Kojuro didn’t flinch.

“I know better what he might have wanted for you than you do! You were only eighteen when he passed. He always wanted you to have your restaurant, but he never meant to force you into his mold.” Kojuro scrubbed one hand over the bandana covering his hairnet. “Look, Masa-bo. I’m sorry. You are doing an excellent job with Oshu. But Terumune would have -- I want to see you be fulfilled instead of just ticking the boxes of your life.” He stood up. “Just think about it. Sumire and I can keep Oshu running while you stretch.”

Masamune glared at the empty seat for a minute after Kojuro left. Am I the only one here who understands what obligations are? Underneath his ire, he knew he was being unfair. Kojuro had stuck with Terumune until the bitter end of selling off Date’s. He’d come to get Oshu’s kitchen off the ground at a much lower salary than his experience warranted, to help the man he’d trained in that long-lost restaurant. Masamune had to admit the old man had a point. Life in the kitchen had become routine lately; Oshu was stable now, seven years in. He knew it was madness to tinker with what worked. People don’t come to traditional comfort food restaurants for excitement. But --

He shook his head at last and shrugged into his white jacket. But nothing. Deal with the job in front of you, Masamune. Worry about everything else after dinner.

********************************

It was nearly midnight when Masamune waved off Kojuro and Sumire in the parking lot. Kojuro bade him good night as usual, giving no sign their earlier conversation was on his mind, but Masamune kept turning it over as he strapped on his helmet and kicked the bike to life. He rode home much slower than usual, letting his mind wander. 

Once he reached his building, he parked the bike and pulled the cover over it as usual. Slinging his helmet over his elbow by the chinstrap, he pressed the elevator call button and pulled his phone out of his pocket. There were three messages from Megohime.

Message from: Mego-chan

11:44 a.m.

When do you want to reschedule for?

2:37 p.m.

I’m not going to keep my weekend open forever!

7:22 p.m.

If you don’t call me back tonight I’ll be busy for a while.

Masamune winced. The ice dripping off the last message was palpable. He ran his thumb around the bottom edge of his eyepatch before sighing. Might as well get it over with, he thought fatalistically, hitting the call button.

The call barely rang before Megohime answered. “Masa-kun!” 

Was she sitting there holding her phone? “Hi, Megohime. Sorry I didn’t get back to you earlier.”

“You should be!” There was playful anger in her voice, but he could hear the undercurrent of relief. “It’s not fair to leave me hanging like that!”

“You know the restaurant hours. I can’t have my phone on me while I’m working, it’s too distracting.”

“You like my distractions.” Megohime’s voice dropped to a throaty purr. The elevator door opened. 

“Not when I’m working. That comes first.” Masamune entered the elevator and propped himself up in the corner, suddenly very tired.

“Awwwww,” Megohime began, and Masamune saw the pout on her face as clearly as if she was in the elevator with him. All at once the conversation irritated him. Why am I listening to a grown woman whine like a schoolgirl?

“I have obligations, Megohime. Don’t pretend I didn’t make that clear when we started this.”

“This?” she demanded sharply, dropping all pretense at cuteness. “You mean, our relationship?”

Huh? Masamune was caught off guard. “What relationship?” he blurted, then resisted the urge to beat his head against the steel wall of the elevator.

There were several seconds of silence before Megohime answered coldly. “Well, I guess that explains why I don’t rate as one of your obligations. Forgive me for intruding on your time, Date-san.” The call ended.

Masamune let his head fall back and closed his eye. That could have gone better, I suppose. 

It was another minute or two before he realised he’d never pressed the button for his floor. The elevator lurched into motion.

Inside his apartment, he dropped his keys and helmet on the bench in the entryway. He let his body go on auto-pilot as he ran the conversation with Megohime over again in his head. I thought she understood we were just casual. By the time he was standing in the bedroom, stripped to his shorts, he’d put it behind him. Oh well, one less ‘obligation’ to worry about.

He sprawled out in bed, peeled off his eyepatch, and hit the light. I guess I’ll have more time to ‘stretch’ now, was his last though before falling asleep.

********************************

The next day, at Oshu, Masamune was sitting at his desk reviewing the seafood order for the weekend when he saw Kojuro pass the doorway.

“Kojuro!” The older man paused, but stayed in the hall. Masamune grimaced. “Come in, please.”

Kojuro did as asked, taking his time closing the door and seating himself. Finally he raised his eyebrows at Masamune. “Yes, Chef?”

The title stung, as it was meant to. Masamune dropped his pen and ran his fingers through his hair before exhaling long and loud. “All right, I deserved that.” He met Kojuro’s impassive stare. “I apologise, oji-san, for my words yesterday. I was being unfair.” 

Kojuro’s eyebrows lowered and his stiff expression softened. “You haven’t called me that since Date’s closed.”

“Yes, well, if Father had heard me speak to you yesterday he’d have made me wish I’d never grown up enough to leave.” Masamune looked away awkwardly. “You -- you made some good points yesterday. I’m sorry that I wasn’t ready to hear them.”

A smile spread across Kojuro’s wrinkled face. “And today?”

“And today, I find myself with more free time than yesterday, and someone wiser than I said I should take some time to ‘stretch’.” 

The smile faded as Kojuro figured out what ‘more free time’ meant. “Ah, you ended things with Megohime?” 

“More like she ended things after I stuck my foot in my mouth, but it had run its course anyways.” Masamune shrugged. “So which one of them called you, Oda, or Akechi?”

Kojuro started, then chuckled. “You always were too quick.” He nodded. “Oda-san, of course. He keeps in touch, even though you’ve paid off his investment. Claims to be making sure Oshu doesn’t bring him down by association, but honestly I think he just worries about you.” 

Masamune grunted skeptically. “So, you think I should take him up on his offer?”

“I do.” Kojuro laced his hands together and leaned forward, elbows on knees. “He’s not asking for any financial investment, and from what he said, most filming will only be a couple of days a week.” He straightened a finger to mark this point. “You’d only be missing one or two services at most, and we’re closed on Tuesdays.” Another finger. “Saigo-kun is ready to branch out and train as chef de partie, and I’ll make sure he’ll be able to cover me while your episode films.” He smiled again at Masamune’s surprised look. “Do you really think I’d let you cook in public without your sous-chef?” A third finger. “Sumire already keeps the hostesses and servers in far closer line than you ever did, so nothing will change there.” His eyes crinkled in a smile. “She runs a tight dining room.”

“That she does,” Masamune chuckled. He knew he tended to be far too soft on the young girls working the tables, treating them like little sisters.

“Besides,” Kojuro unlaced his fingers and waggled one across the desk, as he had when teaching the younger Masamune. “You need to have some fun.”

“I was having fun!”

“‘Fun’ doesn’t give you that hunted look every time you check your text messages.” Kojuro shook his head ruefully. “You youngsters and your cell phones. You know, when I was a lad, relationships meant talking to face to face --” 

“All right, all right!” Masamune lifted his hands in mock defense, laughing. “You’ve made your point, oji-san. I’ll call Oda.”

Kojuro stood, dusting his hands on the knees of his trousers. “Good. See that you do.” He made his way to the door.

Masamune waited until he was out in the hall before yelling “And it wasn’t a relationship!” He ignored the amiably mocking laughter that trailed back to him.

Shaking his head, Masamune picked up the phone to dial Oda. The call was answered quickly.

“Oda.”

“I’ll do it.”

“What?” Nobunaga made a good show of sounding surprised. 

“I’ll join your kitchen circus. On one condition!” He thumped a finger into the middle of the desk. “Your Mai competes. Against me.”

The faint clink of a coffee being put down sounded from the other side of the line. “She’ll compete against everybody, in the new format. But just to make it fun, I’ll save you for last.” Nobunaga’s voice was warm with repressed laughter. “I’ll have a contract couriered over to Oshu this afternoon.”

Masamune grinned ruefully in return. “You know me too well, Oda-san. How long have you been buttering up Kojuro just to push my buttons?”

“I never let a useful tool pass out of my hands, as you know. And I don’t care if you see through me, as long as you still say yes, Date.” 

“Fair enough.” Masamune scrubbed his fingers through his hair again. By now it was standing straight up. His hazy reflection in the glare of his computer monitor resembled some kind of tropical bird.

“You won’t regret it, old friend. We’re going to have a lot of fun this season.”

“I hear that’s what I need, these days.”

[drink-n-watch]

Genre : Happiness, otome, mullet reverse harem, magical boy

Episodes: 12

Studio: Brain’s Base

  Yui is just your average run of the mill, beautiful, smart, sweet, kendo practicing high school girl capable of immediately accepting and adapting to any situation no matter how outlandish and one day she is swept away to a magical garden/high school full of god boys from various mythologies brought together by Zeus to develop a better understanding of mankind. That old story. We’ve all been in this exact situation a billion times right? It’s happen to me twice this week alone! You know how these things go, eventually we have to drown a pretty blond boy to avoid a Matrix type Ragnarok. Yawn.

I never know how to qualify these shows. They’re not exactly cute boys doing cute things, I mean they don’t really fall into the slice of life category at all. Technically you could call them reverse harems, I mean that is what they are but this title could fool you into thinking they are romantic storylines. The are not. The romance (if any) is usually completely secondary and only serves as an excuse to bring the characters together. It’s rarely central to the story and in this case was completely irrelevant to the main conflict.

If anything, you can recognize these shows by their standard dating sim adaptation structure which means we get separate mini storylines for every boy and their unabashed embrace of kitch. When done well these are pleasant, slightly manservicy comedies that will make you giggle, when they’re done badly they are annoying and infinitely stupid. When done very badly – the are comedy Gold! I’ll level with you, at this point I find it really hard to tell the difference.

nice hair…

All of this as just to explain that I have to be in a particular mood to review these types of shows. A mood I like to call: frantically rapturous. It’s achieved by eating absolutely nothing but processed sugar for 3 days then writing the post real quick before the crash comes. The diabetes is more than worth it.

One of my favorite commenters Dawnstorm, clued me into this series by showing me this clip:

Please note the hair transformation!

Needles to say, I immediately took the rest of the day off and proceeded to binge this. As you can see, the art style is what you would expect, and you shouldn’t look too closely at angles or distant characters, but the transformation sequences are phenomenal. Sadly, there are very few of these, most characters only get a brief one in the last episode. This is unfortunate as the god costumes are one of the greatest cinematic achievements of our age. The mere sight of them will touch you in ways you did not think possible. Try not to drink before one as getting wine up your nose can really burn.

The animation is sporadic at best. Essentially, characters are mostly stationary or going through slow minimal movements and suddenly there is a burst of action that immediately dies down. It’s not a bad way to disguise limited resources and I enjoyed the visuals as whole. Voice acting is competent although I never quite got use to Loki’s voice. The best part however, is the ED which features actual bad lip-synching from our boys complete with moody scenery and art school project desaturated colors. It was my everything.

I’m just gonna throw this screencap in…

In structure, Kamigami no Asobi follows the standard otome template pretty closely. It should be noted however that there wasn’t enough time to concentrate on all the boys. This means that while Baldr and Loki are personally established and get their own quite important storyline, Thor is largely ignored. We see kitty boy Anubis cameo through the show but I’m not sure main character Yui even knows who he is. As a result, the world feels a little fuller than your standard otome offering where the only characters that seem to exist are the main cast. Otherwise, the show is fairly stereotypical but deeply enjoyable. Dawnstorm had already sold it as one of the best offerings of the genre and although I am not yet well versed enough to make this type of sweeping statement, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The archetypical boys are all there, but they have been given just enough personality to be endearing and the narrative is careful to never take itself overly seriously. In fact, here’s Toth aptly describing the entire harem better than I ever could:

 The lighthearted, obviously caricatural hand with which everyone has been drawn is a great way to keep things light and easygoing. I get annoyed when these silly little shows try to take themselves too seriously and give their shallow characters overdramatic characterizations. It was also nice to see the ditzy trope applied to the otherwise perfect prince character.

However, otome heroines are usually one step up from plant life in these things. They seem an after thought with little to know personality beyond nice and unable. Unable to do what? Anything. In this, Kamigami towers over the competition with Yui who while undeniably nice is capable, restrained and seems to have actual interests and motivations of her own. Her character gets sideline a bit in later episodes and she becomes much less interesting but for the first half at least she is a refreshingly down to earth and rational heroin. In fact, watching Yui react just like any normal reasonable person would when put in traditional otome situations had me cracking up the entire time. For my money she could have been even more forceful and self-reliant but I still loved Yui and that’s saying something under the circumstances.

a rare example of the femullet

Like I said, the romantic aspects are usually a surprisingly small part of these shows and Kamigami pushes that even further. Although there are brief mentioned of attraction and vying for Yui’s attention here and there, the emotional core of the show, and most of the driving force behind the ultimate plot point has absolutely nothing to do with her at all. I must say this was quite unexpected and very welcomed. I sort of wish this was a different type of show that would have explored the Norse Mythology retelling they were going for instead. I mean with all the pretty magical boys of course.

The fact that these boys are given a touch more personality and backstory beyond their tragic pasts and how much they love the MC is an important element to flesh out the story a bit. The bigger established mythologies that get hinted at also add a bit of depth. By creating much sturdier foundations for the narrative than these shows usually get, the jokes land much more cleanly and I found that I was laughing along with the show almost as often as I was laughing at it.

ombre – fancy!

I was about to end this post without even going into the most important part. The mullets. Look at these glorious mullets! These are epic. Loki even has this awesome gradient in his that makes me want to dye my hair red again. (I won’t – it was a huge pain getting it white, I’m not messing with it now). Maybe it’s because I’m also watching FMA at the moment and Ed is rocking how own impressive mullet when he lets his hair down, but I’m starting to associate the hairstyle with pretty boys. THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!

When did anime start to conspire to make me think mullets are attractive? I know this isn’t the first show to do it  

Still the mullet king – Pixiv Id 79390

but it’s the first time even the heroine sports one….and I really dig it! Thankfully my hair isn’t quite long enough to copy the look or else I probably would have cut it like that and be really sad now. But honestly, why is anime doing this to me? What’s the end game here? Guys, I’m scared…

the elusive side mullet

Favorite character: Thoth!!!

What this anime taught me: We must not get complacent in the fight against bad hairstyles

Adulthood has shown me that you really don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Suggested drink: Mount Olympus

Every time you see the Ame-no-Murakumo-no-Tsurugi – take a sip

if it’s in actual sword for – take another!

Every time Baldr is a clutz – point and laugh

Every time we see Melissa – take a sip

Every time Apollo is super eager – clap

Every time the blondes stick together – be suspicious

Every time Hades says misfortune – take a sip

Every time Thoht *corners* Yui – take a sip

Every time someone days “human” or “humanity” – drink some water

Every time they get the mythology right – take a sip

Every time spontaneous stripping – raise your glass

the actual emotional core of the series

Kamigami no Asobi and the Great Mullet Conspiracy Genre : Happiness, otome, mullet reverse harem, magical boy Episodes: 12 Studio: Brain's Base   Yui is just your average run of the mill, beautiful, smart, sweet, kendo practicing high school girl capable of immediately accepting and adapting to any situation no matter how outlandish and one day she is swept away to a magical garden/high school full of god boys from various mythologies brought together by Zeus to develop a better understanding of mankind.

[daveywankenobie]

I dislike doctors waiting rooms with a passion and in this respect I doubt I’m alone.

They’re always full of ill people and there’s nothing worse than sitting in one when you don’t feel really sick. Although… in my case I suppose that’s not strictly true because I don’t feel very normal at the moment.

Ever since my vertigo episode things have been a little ‘off’ upstairs and I’ve felt like I’ve had a mild hangover that’s stretched all the way through from Sunday to today. I also have a sore throat and aching ears. Despite taking the pills I was prescribed the symptoms seem to be persisting and I’ve felt a little disoriented, dizzy and ‘off balance’ ever since.

The A&E doctor suggested at the time that an inner ear problem may have been the cause of my sudden descent into temporary Vertigo Hell (link) however when I was examined there weren’t any issues that were immediately apparent.

Worryingly the only other possible cause he had to offer was ‘a brain issue‘.

Little did he know that many people have told me over the years (particularly the opposite sex) that I don’t actually have one.

Ha.

The joke’s on him!

Thankfully this problem doesn’t seem to be enough to seriously derail anything and I’m trying to take it easy by walking no more than 7 miles a day – which I’m sure you will agree means I’m practically stationary…

(Author is called from the waiting room where he’s been sitting to see the doctor. He then heads home after a visit to the pharmacy…)

Well, in the spirit of my usual disarming honesty I may as well discuss here what I talked about in my doctor’s consultation – because from a weight loss perspective I feel it has relevance.

My ears are also worth talking about before this. After my last blog a surprising number of people said they or someone they knew had experienced the same thing and this may be helpful. The causes and symptoms of what happened to me were unknown and terrifying – so I think it’s important I share what I’ve learned in case it befalls a reader.

I apparently have a viral ear infection called Vestibular Labyrinthitis – which it seems is a common cause of sudden onset vertigo.

This doesn’t require any antibiotics, is treatable with an ear spray (Otomize) three times a day – and hopefully in my case this will sort the problem out over time.

From what I’ve read in the literature (that the doctor helpfully printed out for me) the symptoms are pretty text book – so the search for my missing brain has been called off before it ever began. It seems like we’ve found the culprit thankfully – but I’ll keep you advised of the progress and hopefully let you know conclusively as time goes on.

The first spray of the day is settling into my ear canals as I type and I have my fingers crossed.

Whilst with my GP I also discussed something else that’s been in the back of my head for a while – but isn’t a topic that I’ve really paid any serious consideration to (or worried about) until quite recently.

My insanely low resting heart rate.

Adults (fit ones that is) normally sit at around 65 beats per minute, whereas I reside at a solid 40 beats per minute and I pretty much never waver.

When I initially noticed this I was in a Slimming World meeting in 2017 and Angie had invited a guest speaker into the group to talk about fitness, how muscles burned calories and adult heart health.

It was at this point (when I looked at my Apple Watch, whose o/s had just been updated to enable the tracking of this stat) that I realised my resting heart rate was lower than practically everyone I knew – in fact it has more in common with an athlete than a man who had just moved from being colossally unfit to just walking an awful lot.

I dismissed it at the time and put this figure down to the fact that I was exercising so much.

I typically burned (back in 2017) between 1500 to 2000 extra kcal a day according to my stats. I never got out of breath and I was full of beans. Therefore my RHR had to be due to fitness right?

The more I thought about it though, and the more that health professionals (and pretty much everyone else) looked completely confused when they saw it (this has happened a lot, not just in hospital on Sunday) the more I wondered whether or not it was actually a problem.

The truth of it was I smoked, drank and ate to excess for years, did almost no exercise and was practically unable to breathe in almost every position.

How on earth could I be so fit now without any lasting consequences from the abuse I subjected my body to?

As I started to try and rationalise the problem in my mind I wondered if my excessive size and rapid weight loss with exercise had actually given me unexpected benefits.

Maybe my heart got super strong and muscular to cope with supplying 35 stone me.

Maybe because when I started to lose weight I also exercised and maintained the need for it to pump blood all the time it remained strong.

Maybe now because of this it was just chilling and relaxing.

Maybe it had remained capable of supplying two of me, and was therefore only bearing half the load it expected?

This is all plausible enough in my own head – but I’m no doctor and honestly I’ve never actually asked one directly whether there could be any long term consequences related to being who I used to be.

So, after a casual comment on my vertigo blog post relating to Brachycardia (a condition wherein an individual has a very slow heart rate) I decided that since I was visiting the doctor about my vertigo anyway I’d ask the (rather scary) question.

Is my low heart rate a problem?

The short answer is that it depends how you look at it. 

After listening intently to my heart and asking questions about whether I had any symptoms that could be problematic I’ve been told by my GP that I have an underlying condition that unless I seriously change my habits is completely untreatable.

My diagnosis?

I’m ridiculously fit and healthy and unless I start eating pies and lying on the sofa all day long immediately it’s unlikely that this will change any time soon.

It’s not often that you get such devastating news – but honestly I don’t think I can face giving up carrots so this is probably going to be with me for the rest of my life.

All flippancy aside though – I’m aware that readers may have their own, not so great diagnosis or underlying heath conditions and may not be in the same boat as me.

It’s not my intent to be triumphalist about the fact that I’m healthy – but it IS my intent to highlight that from what seems like a place of absolutely no return, where a slow and very painful death seems to be the most likely outcome there is hope.

My diabetes is gone

My high cholesterol is no more

My blood pressure is normal

My heart is in rude health

My gout doesn’t exist

My sleep apnea is gone

My skin doesn’t burn in the sun

My calf muscles don’t instantly tear when I walk

My knees are no longer crunching when I move and aren’t agony

My plantar fasciitis is a thing of the past

I no longer get fluid retentive oedemas in my legs

I no longer need to wear glasses

I haven’t had an eczema outbreak in longer than I can remember

I have no crippling back pain any more

All of these things seemed completely impossible a relatively short space of time ago – and now here I am, still fighting the odds, and proving that a healthy diet and exercise along with clean living can produce what some may consider to be a miracle.

It’s not a miracle though.

It’s just absolute dogged determination to stick to my diet plan and sheer hard work every single day.

So – if you’re looking for an excuse not to, and thinking (because everything looks physically dire) that change isn’t worth it, here’s the proof that you’re just making excuses.

Just do it internet.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Davey

Vestibular Labyrinthitis, RHR & Carrots I dislike doctors waiting rooms with a passion and in this respect I doubt I'm alone.