#I need to force myself to step away from my work hahahaha

[cookinguptales]

update:

holy cannoli

so I tried all four flavors of cannoli at isgro's (I had a few bites of each one fresh, then I'll be working my way through the rest the rest of the night) and they're pretty good!

I have to admit that I'm mostly a ricotta bitch, though. like the other flavors (mascarpone, vanilla cream, chocolate cream) were fine?? but ricotta is where it's at.

as far as quality compared to my regular, which is termini... hmm. I think isgro's has better shells. there's a really nice flavor and crunch to them. but I still prefer termini's filling. isgro's has almost like... sort of an anisette flavor? which isn't bad (I actually love black licorice) but I do prefer termini's orange-forward ricotta mixture.

rating: delightful! :)

[ga-yuu]

~Kurama~Main Story Chapter 12~

Chapter 11

*

*

*

------Part 1------

Kurama: "You're the silversmith, right? Come on, work for me."

Old man: "Wh-Who....Who are you?!!?!!?!"

A small old man, who had been sitting alone at the hearth, looked up at Kurama with his soulless eyes.

Kurama: "Don't answer my question with a question, you fool."

(Oh god! He is going to kill the old man!)

Old man: "Uwaa...."

I quickly intervene between Kurama and the old man, who is frightened by the look in his eyes that he is about to shoot him.

Yoshino: "Sorry for that! We were introduced to you by Sueharu-san. Are you Heikichiro-san?"

Heikichiro: "I'm Heikichiro, but....I don't know anyone who goes by the name Sueharu."

Kurama: "Do you know Kichiji Kaneuri?"

Heikichiro: "....! You mean that big merchant....! So you're the one who wanted to pay for my works..."

Sighing, the old man turns to Kurama.

Heikichiro: "Then you must have already known about me. I won't be taking on any more orders. Sorry for the trouble, but my reply is the same. I would like to ask you to leave."

Kurama: "Do you wanna die?"

Heikichiro(scared): "......Nn.."

Yoshino: "Kurama!!"

Heikichiro-san shivered, but barely withstood the glare of Kurama's eyes.

(But Kurama won't be happy until he gets what he wants.)

(I have to talk to Heikichiro-san somehow.)

Yoshino: "We were wondering if you could tell us why? We heard that Heikichiro-san is a very skilled craftsman. It's strange that someone like that doesn't get any work at all...."

After a moment of silence, Heikichiro-san opens his mouth.

Heikichiro: "It's a stubborn old man's decision. It's just that I'm tired. No matter how much care you put into your designs, the customer only sees the value of the silver. ‘We'll give you more money and next time you'll make something that looks more expensive’ is what they say...it is a pity that the work is kept in hand only for the sake of self-aggrandizement."

(I didn't know that was possible...I guess that's the trouble with making expensive goods.)

Kurama: "I don't know what you mean, but there's no pity or happiness in what's been made."

Heikichiro: "....I don't think you and I are on the same page."

(Oh no, it's getting worse!)

Heikichiro: "If you don't care and just want to get paid, you might as well quit your job."

Yoshino: "Um...I'm a pharmacist, so my job is completely different, but I do understand a little bit of what you're saying..."

Heikichiro: "......."

Kurama looks down at me with his arms folded in silence as if he has decided to remain quiet for a while.

Yoshino: "I have been advised to give priority to the well-off over the poor. We can charge the rich more for our medicines. That's what we should do if we want to be efficient as a business."

Heikichiro: "....Then what happened?"

Yoshino: "I couldn't do it. I think it's one way to divide up the work....I became a pharmacist not just to make money, but to help others who are hurting. I felt that if I forgot that, I would lose sight of my purpose and I would change."

(I knew there was an easier way. But still...)

Yoshino: "----I wanted to be a pharmacist who was proud of who he was."

There was a small silence in the hut as a quiet voice told them.

Kurama: "......................."

Heikichiro: "-----I see."

After a moment, I sigh and look straight into Heikichiro-san's eyes.

Yoshino: "If you feel that Heikichiro-san is not able to produce his work with the same attention to detail....Surely now is not the right time to make one."

Kurama: "Hey you, didn't you come here to persuade him?"

-------Part 2------

Kurama: "Hey you, didn't you come here to persuade him?"

(That's true, but....)

I was troubled when I compared the faces of Kurama and Heikichiro-san.

(I think it takes a lot of determination to not shake your head even with the weight of Kurama on your shoulders.)

(After all, I don't think he can make something good if he's forced to make it.)

Yoshino: "We won't force you to do it. But it's shame we won't be able to see the work that's been done with such care. Can you show us any of your past work if you have it?"

Heikichiro: "........ Yeah, of course."

Heikichiro-san heads for a shelf in the corner of the room, showing some hesitation.

Then, from the back of the room, he took out a few items that were carefully inserted in a paulownia box..."

Kurama: ".....!!"

Kurama's eyes widened slightly as the items were carefully wiped down with a cloth.

Yoshino: "Wow, it's really beautiful.... I've never seen anything so finely woven."

(....Kurama is also watching them very intently.)

After a few moments, his mouth quietly opened.

Kurama: "----It's brilliant glow. Does it change its appearance according to the type, intensity, and angle of light?"

Heikichiro: "! That's right. It's made with an unusual process."

Kurama: "I don't care about the process."

Heikichiro: "Mm.."

Yoshino: "Ku-Kurama!"

Kurama's attention was caught by an involuntary interruption.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I asked him for more details...

2. The process is important...

3. Not in that way...(+4/+4)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoshino: "That's no way to talk about work that someone's taken seriously."

Kurama: "What a strange woman you are to lecture me."

Kurama's fingers glided softly over the silversmith's work as he answered in a cumbersome tone.

Kurama: "You don't need to know the process, you just need to see the finished product. It's unique."

Heikichiro: "....!"

I heard Heikichiro-san gasp at the quiet tone of voice and the heat in his eyes.

(Ah! Kurama is acknowledging a human!)

Kurama: "But, it's not enough."

His red eyes, which absorb the glitter of the silversmith's work and take on a strange light, look at Heikichiro-san.

Kurama: "What I want from you is a light I've never seen before. A light that delights my eyes. If you have hands, you can work. Forget about all the nonsense you've been hearing and do what you’re good at."

Heikichiro: "I...I've never had anyone order me around like that before..."

(That was my first impression too....)

Heikichiro-san murmurs in confusion.

Heikichiro: "But strangely enough, I can't smell any falsehood from you. He seems to have the most arrogant attitude in the world, ....yet his fingertips are so gentle on the silverwork."

Kurama: "I value what I find valuable."

As Kurama stepped closer, Heikichiro-san stepped back as if under pressure.

Kurama: "I've heard that you can't make something good if you force it. Then answer me, silversmith."

---------Part 3----------

Kurama: "I've heard that you can't make something good if you force it. Then answer me, silversmith. What do I need to do to make these hands work? A golden workbench, a silk robe, or even....I will arrange the heads of those who have defiled your work in a circle around this house.”

(....He’s not threatening. But he’s serious.)

Heikichiro-san’s face turns pale as if he sensed the presence of an inhuman being.

(That look on his face, he’s not just scared.)

(....Because of how much Kurama really approves his work.)

Heikichiro-san, who had been gazing at Kurama in fascination, muttered to himself.

Heikichiro: “Who...are you?”

Kurama: “Kurama. That’s all you need to know.”

After a moment of silence, Heikichiro-san let out a long breath as if he had made up his mind.

Heikichiro: “....If I could have some time. I’m sure you’ll get what you want. I’d like you to pay for it at that time.”

( Heikichiro-san!!)

Kurama: “All right. But if you can’t make me something I like, I’ll cut your head off. Be prepared.”

Yoshino; “I told you to not threaten people. Sorry for that, Heikichiro-san. I’ll be cheering you on from the shadows....”

Heikichiro: “Thank you very much. I’m a bit confused myself, but I’ll do my best.”

Kurama: “I was telling the truth, not threatening.”

Heikichiro: “Hahahaha. I hope so...”

(It’s okay, Heikichiro-san...)

But despite the cold sweat on his face, Heikichiro-san had a smile on his lips.

.......................

Yoshino: “At any rate, I’m glad he took our order.”

Kurama: “I had intended to make him accepted by any means necessary, but you have done better than I expected.”

(Kurama, looks like he’s in a good mood.)

As night falls, we walk down the corridor back to the Rebel house.

(I’m also looking forward to the completion of  Heikichiro-san ‘s work.)

Above all, Heikichiro-san, who had stopped being a silversmith through sad resignation.

I’m excited by the fact that he can rekindle his passion.

(But that’s not all. Why am I so happy now?)

I glanced at the profile of Kurama as we walked side by side, and our eyes met as if he had sensed it.

Kurama: “What’s with that loose face?”

Yoshino(blushing): “Hm?”

(Oh dear. Did I make too many expressions?)

Yoshino(blushing): “Nothing!!”

I was still wondering where the thread of my broken thought was going, but I couldn’t put it into words so I faked it.

Kurama: “-----Well, I’m feeling so good today that I’m willing to overlook your little feelings. Your room is here.”

Yoshino(blushing): “Mm, yes.”

(Really, we were there before you knew it.)

Stopping in front of the room that was assigned to me, Kurama casually opens the sliding door.

Then, with his other hand, he easily pulled me to him and pushed me easily into the room.

(Eh?.... Hey!!)

Kurama came in after me and closed the doors behind him.

Yoshino(blushing): “Why are you coming in.....?”

Kurama: “Did you forget? I told you, I’d reward you. After you helped me, we’ll continue what we did yesterday.”

---------Part 4-------

Kurama: “After you helped me, we’ll continue what we did yesterday.”

Yoshino(blushing): “Ah.......”

(I totally forgot about that!)

The memory of being touched so badly comes back to me and my skin feels hot.

In a darkened room, Kurama stared at me.

Yoshino(blushing): “No, no,. Just getting out there is reward enough!”

Kurama(evil smile): “Don’t be shy. I’ll give you as much as you want.”

Kurama laughed like a ferocious beast when he saw me backing away.

Kurama: “There’s something more intriguing when I see you running away. Don’t move!”

(.....Ehhh)

Suddenly, Kurama’s eyes clashed with a mysterious light.

The words sink into my body as if they had mass.

(I can’t move!?)

Yoshino: “What are you doing....!!?”

Kurama: “It’s just a 'Kotodama’. Just the rudiments of spell application. Yoshitsune would be able to disarm this level on his own, but I doubt that you can.”

(You mean you’re using your curse power. If that’s the case, I’ll use the power of the nine-tail fox to....!)

The moment I focus my attention.

Yoshino: “Ah....”

Kurama suddenly touches the nape of my neck.

Kurama: “What’s the matter, Yoshino?”

Slowly, but with a clear intention, his fingertips traced the lines of my body.

Kurama: “You can’t handle the power of the spell in a human capacity. Didn’t Tamamo teach you that much?”

Yoshino: “If you know, then stop that hand!!!”

Kurama: “WHy should I follow your orders?”

Yoshino(blushing): “Haaa....Mmm....”

----The earlobe has been bitten so that the core of the head is debauched.

(Mm....I can’t move, so I can’t escape the stimulus.)

Yoshino(blushing): “Ahh...this is...cowardly...”

Kurama:” I don’t think it’s cowardly to use the powers available to you, but you’re right...it’s not fun. ‘You’re allowed to move.”

(........!)

As soon as I felt my body lighten up, I recoiled and fell off my feet.

Kurama: “I’ve given you permission but you still can’t move a muscle.”

Kurama laughs deep in his throat as he supports my body with one hand without difficulty.

A sweet sensation crawls up my spine as my hips are traced.

Yoshino(blushing): “Mmm....Let...go....”

Kurama: “Fine.”

(Yikes!!)

My body loses support and falls down.

Before I could stand up again, Kurama covered me.

Kurama: “I lifted the spell because it’s more amusing to hunt you down and see you struggle.”

Yoshino(blushing): “W-Wait...”

(This is absolutely outrageous!)

I resisted and pushed back his chest.

Yoshino(blushing): “It’s a reward, isn’t it? For me? If that’s the case, I don’t think it’s right to push me to do anything.”

Kurama: “...Really? I had forgotten such trifles as I watched you writhe in your misery.”

(How arrogant!)

Yoshino: “If it’s a reward, why don’t you do me a favor once in a while?”

Kurama: “...Try me.”

(Let me see....)

Yoshino: “Let’s talk! Yes, let’s talk!”

Kurama: “Talk? Right now?”

Yoshino: “Yes, but not like this....properly, like two individuals.”

I was pushed down, and somehow my words spun out of control.

(I don’t know what I’m saying about talking in this situation.)

Kurama: “What is it? Is there something on your mind?”

-------Part 5-------

Kurama: “What is it? Is there something on your mind?”

Yoshino: “Mm?”

(Ah, you’re ready to listen to me?)

I was about to ask Kurama to move out of the way when he dutifully stopped.

Kurama: “If not, I’ll do what I want.”

Yoshino: “Yes! Yes!!”

(Something. Think of something...)

As I struggled to get my head around it, I suddenly understood a question that had been nagging at me.

Yoshino: “Today was the first time I thought I saw Kurama speaking to a human normally.”

Kurama: “So? What about it?”

Yoshino: “For Kurama, strength is the only thing that counts. Isn’t that right?”

Kurama: “Of course.”

Yoshino: “But today Kurama acknowledged Heikichiro-san and treated him as a silversmith. That’s what I was wondering.”

Kurama: “He’s a man who works for me. That’s what makes him different from the rest of the mediocre ants.”

Yoshino: “....that's it?”

(I wondered if Kurama had any other criteria for recognizing human beings other than strength and weakness.)

(What is it that makes me wish that?)

(Heikichiro-san was so happy to be recognized by Kurama....)

Kurama: “What are you trying to say?”

Yoshino: “Humans are really just weak creatures to Kurama, right?”

Kurama: “They’re weak and inexplicable.”

Kurama, his eyebrows raised slightly, answered my question without pause.

Kurama: “He has a gift of having hands that make things shine, but he throws them away and laments in vain. And then for reasons unknown to me, he suddenly becomes motivated.”

Yoshino: “You mean Heikichiro-san, right?”

Kurama: “When I think of it, not only the silversmith, but all the soldiers are creatures of contradiction. One minute they’re getting along with each other and the next moment they’re killing each other. After killing, they cry over the fact that they just killed their friend. Even Yoshitsune. He risked his life for the mere sentimentality of the master-servant bond, and was driven by the unseen love and hate to his brother.”

(A lot of contradictions? That’s for sure.)

Yoshino: “But I’m sure that’s the strength of a person.”

Kurama: “What?”

Yoshino: “I think we’re all contradictory, we’re all lost, we’re all suffering, but we’re moving on.”

Kurama: “It is the work of a fool to take a long way round to reach his destination.”

Yoshino: “Instead of having wings that can fly you to your destination like Kurama, or the power to kill an enemy with a single blow. Humans value their beliefs and the bonds they have with those around them.”

(Even Kurama is really....)

Yoshino: “Isn’t that why you didn’t take Yoshitsune’s life right away, because you knew that? Because if he really wanted his soul, Kurama could have taken it without question.”

Kurama: “I don’t get it. I don’t understand you.”

Yoshino: “I want to understand Kurama.”

My heart trembles at the danger of the answer that slipped out of my mouth.

(Not as enemies, nor as a demon...)

(It would be nice if Kurama and I could talk to each other as just beings. I think so, but....)

It clearly crossed the line of being a prisoner.

Kurama: “................” 

There is a distinct irritation in Kurama’s eyes as he looks down at me.

(Ah)

Kurama: “Shut up now.”

A hand was placed on my neck, followed by a cold glare.

Kurama: “I must have been mistaken in thinking you were in any way interesting.”

(Even though he didn’t use Kotodama.)

(I can’t move.)

No matter how close I feel to him, I’m sure I’ll never get used to the intimidation that Kurama gives off.

I knew it in my bones.

Kurama: “Understanding is an emotion that does not contribute strength. Will you still be able to think like that when you’re overtaken?”

Chapter 13

[creambunnie]

imagine going to a cafe with your sisters and because of a bet, you had to do the chore of ordering your drinks.

you went to the counter and were welcomed by barista!Mark.

being the most introverted out of your siblings, you looked at the menus again as you planned to quickly list down your orders and escape from the torture of talking to people.

"erm can i have 1 caramel milk tea boba , 1 black sugar boba and 1 ice blended chocolate with pudding.". you managed to say out all the orders with one breath.

however, the barista, Mark, was a bit slow with his work and only got the first few words of your order.

" 1 caramel tea ? and what?". Mark asked as he looked at the screen with a confused face.

he was cute you gotta admit it but you just wanted your drinks and go back to your sisters.

"1 caramel milk tea boba , 1 black sugar boba and 1 ice blended chocolate with pudding.". you repeated, a bit slower this time.

Mark was till slowly keying in your orders. just when you thought he had finished filling in your choices of drinks, Mark scratched the corner of his head and grinned at you before excusing himself and called his co-worker.

"i'm sorry miss, can you repeat your orders? he is actually new here...". the other staff apologised politely and was ready to key in your order.

you gulped down your frustrations and forced a smile.

"1 caramel milk tea boba , 1 black sugar boba and 1 ice blended chocolate with pudding.". you repeated for the third time.

he keyed in everything and taught Mark some things before pushing the said boy back to the counter.

"ahh that would be $12 .". he cutely said.

sure Mark was cute. sure he was adorable. but his clumsiness just worsen your social anxiety.

you quickly handed him the exact amount of money and took the receipt before standing at the side as you wait for your drinks.

you reminded yourself in your head to smack your sisters for making you suffer like this.

yeah yeah,you might sound annoying and pampered but you reeeeaaaalllyyyyyy hated ordering stuffs in person. if there was a kiosk machine, that is your saviour.

back to the story,

after a few weeks, you came to the cafe again with your sisters . well, the cafe was on your way back home so a little dessert treat won't hurt, right?

you weren't feeling that good and begged your sisters to not let you go order again. you just wanted your hot lemon tea and go back home.

you glanced at the counter and saw the same barista, Mark, taking the customers' orders. you accidentally made eye-contact with him.

you swore you saw panic in Mark's eyes. you quickly looked away to not make him more anxious and waited for your sister to get your drinks.

after getting your drinks, as you were about to exit from the cafe, you saw Mark looking at you with the same panic in his eyes.

you frowned as you were confused and quickly went out. was he that afraid of you? just because he didn't get your orders right? was he scared that you complained or something? you shook your thoughts away and went back home.

a few days later, you were going back home from your part-time job,passing by the cafe like usual. you weren't in the mood for any drinks so you decided to go straight back home and lie on your comfy bed.

but your daydream was interrupted when the cafe door slammed open, and a boy ran towards you. Mark.

he stood in front of you with palms on his knees, panting from his short run.

"ma--may i help you?". you stuttered as you took out your earphones from your ears.

Mark looked up and gave a small guilty smile.

"i--i just wanted to apologise to you about the other day. i know being new here isn't an excuse,i just find you cute and and uhm i really panicked when i saw all the colourful buttons and i, i thought you were still mad because you didn't order the other day ---".

Mark's babbling was stopped as you put your hand out in front of him. you chuckled as you replied.

"no no it's okay,i totally understood your situation. you don't need to apologise okay? sure i was frustrated on that day but that doesn't mean i'm still mad at you hahahaha,".

Mark sighed in relief and held his heart. "i'm glad you are okay, not like other petty customers. and i really meant it when i said i found you cute.". Mark said with a cheesy wink.

you blinked at his attempt to flirt and laughed your way out. "then why don't you buy me some drinks sometimes, Minhyung?". you didn't know where your social anxiety went but you suddenly felt confident to tease him back.

Mark's eyes widened as he took a step closer to you.

"how do you know my name?!?!". he whispered a shout.

you leaned in towards his ear and whispered an answer. "i can actually read minds.".

Mark's eyes widened again and was about to be amazed when you chuckled at the gullible boy and shook your head.

"you're wearing your nametag.". you revealed as you chuckled again.

Mark (whose korean name is Minhyung) , scratched the corner of his forehead with an embarrassed smile as he nodded.

"so , this Saturday at 3pm?". Mark suggested with hopeful eyes.

you smiled and nodded. "i'll be waiting right here then,". you replied.

Mark was about to ask for your number when his co-worker shouted his name, calling him back in due to the overwhelming number of customers.

he gave you a guilty smile and waved his hand. "we'll go old school, hmm?". he joked.

you nodded and gave a cute smile. "why not! meet you soon!". you managed to breath out before Mark went in.

you held your chest, in which your heart was beating so fast.

*WHAT THE HELL DID I DO? DID I JUST GET MYSELF A DATE?!*. you screamed in your head.

.

.

a/n : so here's the Mark Lee fluff! hope you guys enjoy it and don't forget to give love to our 127 squad who just made their comeback 😍😭

[captainthane]

The Ally (Okaria et Feria)

As she followed Lucifer’s journey across Earth and Hell to save Nazeel from Algaron, the queen of the demons felt so frustrated. On one hand, she was trusting Lucifer and his power to stop the rogue demon. On the other hand, she could feel something was off. She could recognize the pattern of an old acquaitance. That same person who forced her to make her human lover immortal. She was raging inside. She was having enough of that person’s schemes and attacks on everything Hell, Heaven and Earth were building together. She broke her glass and teleported herself on Earth, next to Jeff, her lover. He didn’t expect that and jumped. 

- Lilith?! I wasn’t waiting for you now. I thought you were busy tonight, is everything okay? (Jeff)

She turned around to face me. For a moment, he couldn’t recognize the woman he loved. Her nails became claws, her skin changed to grey and her eyes were black and yellow. She wasn’t looking human anymore. 

- Shut the fuck up Jeff! I’m trying to focus here! Just stay quiet or I will break one of your fingers! (Lilith)

Jeff stepped back slowly as he heard those words in this demonic and terrifying voice. His worries changed into fear, a wild and brutal fear that was telling him to run away...to run so far away from here. He remembered...he remembered he wasn’t dating a classic woman..but the queen of the demons...

-....I’m so sorry...I will stay quiet...(Jeff)

Lilith turned around again and stared at Jeff, seeing his expression of pure fear. She realised what she said and how she was looking by noticing her claws. She panicked and transformed into her normal self, approaching Jeff slowly with kind and good intentions.

- It’s me who is sorry...I didn’t mean to scare you off like that...to say those words..you are fine..I will never hurt you. I’m sorry you saw me like this...(Lilith)

She grabbed his hands to caress them softly. It was calming Jeff and he was feeling slightly better. 

- That’s...okay, I know you didn’t mean them...however, tell me what’s going on please? (Jeff)

She nodded and spoke with a softer voice to keep calming the situation.

- It’s her...again. She played a dirty move on Lucifer and on Nazeel, the nephilim kid I told you about. We need to share that information with the archangels, she is certainly going to trick them too soon I suppose. Nevertheless, I didn’t come here only for you. I...I have to look for someone. Would you want to come with me? Your presence helps me to stay myself. (Lilith)

Jeff approached her and kissed her forehead in a sweet way.

- Of course, I can’t stop loving you. (Jeff)

- The same for me~ Take my hand. (Lilith)

They held their hands and were teleporting into a snowy mountain, in front of a huge timber house. Lilith didn’t wait any further and knocked on the door several times, like a code or something. Then, several seconds passed before the door opened, revealing a tall man with blond hair and beard. He was wearing a jacket and a hammer on his trousers. He smiled and greeted them.

- Lilith! It’s been a while! You are still as beautiful as you were last time I saw you! And you must be Jeff! I heard about you! Your integrity and honesty is something I value in humans! (???)

- T-Thanks, I guess? (Jeff)

Jeff was confused while he was checking this stranger. He didn’t know how or why but he could feel that this blonde man wasn’t human. Lilith was still as serious as she was.

- Jeff...this is Thor. From Asgard. (Lilith)

He was shocked to hear that information and he was agape to be in front of another divinity. Thor was laughing. 

- Why are you that surprised Jeff? You are dating the queen of Hell afterall, hahahaha! (Thor)

- I...I know. Still, I wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you! Wait..then the nordic beliefs were right?! But when we die, don’t we...(Jeff)

- We don’t have time for this. I already explained you how death works for mortals. Thor and Asgard exist but they mostly live in another dimension. They don’t interact much with the mortals. Unlike Thor and Loki however. (Lilith)

Thor finally noticed how serious Lilith was.

- You are here for business as I can see. Don’t tell me. You want me to step up about that Ghemora right? (Thor)

- If you agree. You are a free divinity, you travel across the universe whenever you wish. I can’t do that because of my responsabilities. I need your help...we need your help. (Lilith)

Thor paused for a moment and thought. He smiled again and nodded. 

- It will be my pleasure dear! I may bring Loki along with me then. Mortals don’t call Loki the god of trickeries and schemes for nothing! Loki could maybe see through Ghemora’s schemes. (Thor)

He laughed loudly. 

- So your brother will come along with you? (Jeff)

- What? My brother Loki? Hahaha! Loki is not my brother! She is my sister! (Thor)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This story is happening approximatively in the same time as demon’s fight from @wildstarfan ^^ I hope you will like it! First real and official apparition of Thor :D

Okaria et Feria belongs to me and @wildstarfan

Jeff, Thor, Ghemora and Loki belong to me

Lilith belongs to me and @wildstarfan

[ericsonclan]

A Test of Courage in the Woods

Summary: Some of the monsters decided to do a test of courage in the woods late one night.

Notes: Wrote this for @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale October challenge for Day 5: Walk in the woods.

Read on AO3:

“So, remind me why we’re in the woods in the middle of the night?” Violet looked over at Clementine with crossed arms.

“Because we all thought it would be fun to do a test of courage,” Clementine replied simply.

“Yeah, that’s right!” Louis jumped forward with his hands outstretched. One of his hands nearly popped off but luckily the young frankenstein caught in time. “It’s gonna be fun!”

Clementine smiled over at the frankenstein, her nose crinkling in amusement.

“Yeah, nothing bonds monsters like a test of courage,” Sophie smiled over the werewolf.

“Sure,” Violet responded.

“So, why these woods?” Prisha had a curious expression on her face.

“Well,” Clementine took a step forward, “Rumor has it that in these very woods a killer resurfaced a few years ago. All the humans warned young and old to steer clear of this place, but especially teens who seemed to be the killer’s true targets.” Clementine tried her best to amp up the spookiness in her voice.

It seemed a few monsters were falling into her story. Brody moved closer to Mitch while Minnie seemed to stay close to Sophie. But perhaps the biggest reaction to her tale thus far was from the young frankenstein who let out a fit of giggles.

“Hahahaha, that’s a good one Clem!” Louis had his hands on his knees and wiped away a mock tear. When he looked up, however, his nose scrunched up in confusion. “Why is everyone staring at me? Is one of my limbs missing?’ Louis spun around widely, his dreadlocks bouncing this way and that with his speed.

“No, we're just confused.” James’ soft voice broke everyone’s attention away from the frankenstein and towards the cyclops. “Why were you laughing?”

“Because killers aren’t real,” Louis stated it in a matter of fact tone as if he had just given the most basic of common sense.

All the other monsters glanced around at each other.

“What?”

“Killers are real,” Omar commented as he pushed his way to the front. “There have been many unsolved cases over the years all throughout West Virginia.”

Louis’ face became deathly pale. “What? I just thought it was something humans added to the movies to make them scarier.”

“No, they’re real.” Minnie scratched the ground with her talons.

Louis stood frozen for a second until he felt Clementine’s hand on his shoulder.

“Louis, if you want to sit out of the test of courage, it’s okay.”

“No!” Louis shook his head violently back and forth. “I’m gonna do it!”

“Alright,” Clementine searched the frankenstein’s face for a moment then continued on with her story. “The tale goes that the killer lures teens into the woods at night to kill them and finally have company in this forest,” Clementine gestured at the woods. “Human or monster, he doesn’t care as long as he has his victim.”

Suddenly Aasim’s flames burst out of him, shooting high in the air and turning a light, faint blue. Ruby and Marlon jumped back from the fire elemental.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aasim’s flames faltered down but still held their color.

“Maybe it would be a better idea if you walked outside the perimeter of the woods,” Prisha offered. “It would be a shame if we caused a forest fire.”

“Yeah, gonna have to give you the boot, buddy,” Louis flashed an apologetic smile.

“Maybe you’re right,” Aasim seemed a bit disheartened. “But it’s rude to completely exclude Ruby and myself from the test of courage!”

“What does Ruby have to do with it?” Brody poked her head out to look over at the fire elemental.

“N-nothing. Forget I said anything,” Aasim’s fire round his cheeks crackled and popped as he looked away from the group. But that only seemed to cause the group to become more interested.

Louis especially seemed invested in the potential romance between the fire elemental and dryad. “Oh, do tell, Aasim. Do you like Ruby?”

“What? I… ummm.” Aasim’s flames were a deeper blue now.

“Now y’all leave him be,” Ruby butted into the circle around Aasim.

“Why are you getting so defensive, Ruby?” Mitch smirked over at the dryad. Everyone was jumping into the conversation except Marlon who sidestepped the group and made his way to Sophie whose head was tilted as she listened intently to the heated debate. With all this talk about crushes, he figured he might as well see where he stood with the harpy.

“Sophie,” Marlon tapped Sophie’s shoulder, causing her feathers to stick up and ruffle. She looked over, a pleasant smile appearing on her lips when she noticed the dullahan. “I just wanted to ask, well…” Marlon scratched the back of his neck. He was chickening out. What if she didn’t feel the same? “ What are we?” Marlon froze when he realized what he said. His hands held the sides of his head to keep it in place; he could feel it slipping.

Sophie seemed to take the question seriously, debating on what to answer when she finally chose her response. “We’re bros,” Sophie hit her fist to her heart and then gave a sideways peace sign.

“Oh, yeah.” Marlon looked down; he could feel his heart tightening. He kept his view on the ground for only a few seconds before forcing a big smile. “The best!”

“Hell yeah!” Sophie extended her fist which Marlon met in an instant. The harpy chirped happily when he did so. “Wanna partner up for the test of courage?”

“Sure.” Marlon smiled at the harpy before looking over at the group that was settling down. It seemed that Clementine had shut down all the badgering that was directed at Ruby and Aasim and was working on what pairs would go into the woods together. After a few minutes the pairs were decided. Mitch and Brody along with Marlon and Sophie would go through the furthest entrance. Violet and Prisha as well as Minnie and Omar would take the middle. And Clementine and Louis with Jesse and James would take the left entrance.

“You sure you’re okay with staying outside the forest?” Brody glanced back at Ruby. “You were really excited about it.”

“Aww, don’t worry about me. I just wanted to give Aasim some company and to make sure he didn’t get lost going around the long way.”

“Alright,” Brody gave Ruby a quick hug, “See you at the finish line.” Ruby returned the hug and soon the selkie was off, jogging over to Mitch and intertwining her fingers with his.

“Okay everyone, good luck!” Clementine called out before walking forward into the woods with Louis who seemed a fair mix of excited and nervous.

Aasim and Ruby watched the others disappear into the forest, not talking until they were all gone. “Are you sure, Ruby?” Aasim glanced over at the dryad. “I know how much you love walking amongst the trees.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Aasim, but I’m alright. I can still walk beside the trees and get to be with you.”

Aasim’s fire grew at those words, a happy smile on his face as he reached into his fireproof messenger bag. After a few seconds he pulled out the container of fireproof blue gel, handing it over to Ruby. She covered her hand in it first before Aasim did the same. Cautiously they held each other’s hands. Excited, giddy smiles overtook their faces when it worked. It was a miracle each time to simply be able to hold each other’s hands. Ruby and Aasim started their stroll along the perimeter of the woods. Ruby walked alongside the trees, her free hand brushing against the low hanging branches while she talked with Aasim.

“I almost blew it today,” Aasim shook his head. “They were quite persistent.”

“They were giving us both a hard time, but we are hiding our relationship.” Ruby glanced over at her boyfriend who looked saddened by the whole thing.

“I know. I just want to make sure that we can make this work without hurting you.” The flames on Aasim started to pick up height, swirling and dancing in the air. “That and I have to talk to my parents and you have to with yours and-” Aasim stopped when he felt Ruby’s hand give his a gentle squeeze.

“It's gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out. Together.”

“Together,” Aasim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Let’s focus on our time together.”

“Sounds good to me,” Ruby swayed her and Aasim’s hands slightly as they continued their walk. “So, any idea who’s gonna reach the finish line first?”

“Probably Jesse and James or maybe Prisha and Violet.” Aasim placed his hand on his chin.

“That would make sense. But it could always be an underdog team like Mitch and Brody.”

“Perhaps or…. No.” Aasim shook his head.

“What?”

“I was going to say Sophie and Marlon but Marlon can get spooked easily and Sophie can well…”

“Be a bit of a scatterbrain.” Ruby chuckled. “She sure can. I bet she’s gonna get distracted by the woods.”

----

“Oh, hold on Marlon,” Sophie’s voice made the dullahan stop as he looked to see the harpy fly up and sink her talons into a tree branch. With a few happy tweets she let herself fall upside down and swing back and forth.

Marlon chuckled and looked at the harpy. “What are you doing, Soph?”

“Sorry, I just needed to do it once. I can’t resist a good tree branch. But I promise this will be the only one.” Sophie gave an apologetic chirp as she shook out her feathers. A few loose ones fell to the ground. Marlon shook his head but he had a happy smile on his face. A smile that made the harpy’s heart race quicken. Sophie stared at the dullahan for a moment. Why had she been so stupid? She had been given the perfect chance to share her feelings. But instead she said they were bros. Marlon seemed happy with it though. So maybe her feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated.

Sophie shook herself out of her thoughts and swung herself upwards. She would just be the best bro ever then. Flying over and landing beside Marlon, she continued through the dark woods with him. They walked in content silence for a few minutes. Both of them didn’t seem too spooked yet. Although they would have to be careful to make sure Marlon’s head didn’t fall on the ground whenever the spooks did get to them. Sophie glanced over at the dullahan then back at the forest. “I got worms.”

“Excuse me?” Marlon looked over in confusion.

“In my pocket,” Sophie dug her hand into her pocket and revealed some pink worms that squirmed in her hands. “Y’know, for a snack. Want some?” She held out her hand with a casual grin.

“Oh, no thanks,” Marlon replied then glanced away.

Sophie looked at the dullahan then back at the worms. Great going, Sophie! That’s not how to be a good bro! Of course he didn’t want worms. He probably thinks eating bugs is weird.

“That’s cool. I’m not hungry either.” Sophie lied, stuffing the worms back into her pockets. Before Marlon could speak otherwise to her statement, the pair was cut off by the loud growling sound of the harpy’s stomach. Marlon and Sophie looked down at her stomach then at each other. Sophie gave a nervous laugh.

“Wow, ummmm….” Sophie’s eyes searched desperately for anything she could use as a topic. “Let’s take the right path!” She pointed her finger towards the right side of the woods.

“You sure?”

“Yep, right is always right! Right?” Sophie flashed a goofy smile.

Marlon gave a good natured laugh. “Okay. Y’know you could always fly above the tree line and find the best route.”

Sophie felt like an idiot for not thinking of that obvious solution. “Nah,” She waved a hand dismissively. “Where’s the excitement in that? Besides, it’s more fun to wander the woods with you,” She playfully nudged the dullahan’s shoulder, “Bro.”

“Right,” Marlon led the way, leaving Sophie alone with her thoughts. The harpy glanced up to the sky and wondered if it was the better call to just fly up and see the finish line.

------

“I think I see it,” Omar glanced up at Minnie. A few loose red feathers fluttered past Omar and down towards the trees below. The harpy and brownie bobbed slightly up and down with the beat of Minnie’s wings.

“You sure?” Minnie tilted her head as she looked down. A small bubble of anxiety was still in the pit of her stomach at putting this idea in action. Sure, she was careful with Omar and made sure her talons weren’t applying any pressure to the brownie, but she also had to make sure she wouldn’t drop him.

“Yes, if we take the left path for most of the way then veer right, we should make it out of the woods.”

“Okay, down we go then,” Minnie gently glided down towards the solid ground. A relieved twitter escaped her lips when Omar had successfully gotten to the ground safely.

“Good work,” The brownie held up his hand. Minnie leaned over ever so slightly and high-fived Omar.

“Yeah, go team!” Minnie cleared her throat. She hadn’t spent too much time alone with Omar, but from their shared Home Ec class he always seemed cool.

“Shall we?” Omar gestured to the left path.

“Yeah, let’s kick the other teams’ asses!” Minnie crowed and led the way. Omar jogged beside her, his feet softly pitter pattering on the dirt. He gave a soft laugh.

“Yeah, that would surprise them.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, we’re clearly the odd ones out in terms of why the others paired up.”

“True. But we’ll win and show that friends can win.”

Yeah,” Omar smiled up at the harpy. “The unlikely duo of a harpy and a brownie.”

Minnie returned the smile then looked back at the path. Both of them walked in silence for a little while before Minnie decided to start up a conversation.

“So….. Omar, why do you like cooking?” Minnie paused at her own question. It felt like such a stupid thing to ask a brownie.

Omar didn’t seem to view the question that way though. Instead of being annoyed or upset by the simple question, he gave it serious thought. “I like it because of the joy it brings.” Omar had such a gentle smile on his face as he spoke. “To see how happy my cooking makes others. It makes me feel happy. Feels like I have a gift worth pursuing that I want to pursue not because it’s something my fellow brownies say I should do, but because I want to.”

Minnie’s eyes widened, surprised by the thoughtful response. “Wow, shit. You’ve really thought it through.”

“I spend a lot of time with my thoughts,” Omar shrugged. “What about you, Minnie? Got any hidden gifts?”

“Well, ‘gift’ is a strong word. But I love singing. I wanna pursue it but I don’t know,” Minnie shook her head. “ It may just look fucking stupid to be known as a giant bird who sings.”

“I don’t think so.”

Minnie’s eyes shot over when she heard Omar’s statement.

“I say if it makes you happy you should pursue it.”

Minnie felt her heart warm at the brownie’s words. “So,” Minnie redirected the conversation. “Think anyone else will use their innate monster abilities to get to the end?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

-----

“Don’t worry, Jesse. I’ve got heightened eyesight,” James reassured his boyfriend who walked beside him. “So I won’t let anything happen to you now that-”

“Now that I’m basically blind,” Jesse sighed, his black snakes curled around the gorgon’s face, hissing softly as they searched the darkened woods. The world was already tinted darker to Jesse thanks to the special sunglasses he had to wear in order not to petrify others. But now that it was late at night, in the woods, with barely any natural light… Well, he might as well be blind.

“You’re not blind because you have me,” James smiled warmly over at his boyfriend and was met with some annoyed hisses from the snakes. “And your snakes.” The snakes moved back and forth, clearly happy with James’ correction. “Just follow my lead and everything will be okay.”

James strolled forward only to stop when he heard a soft thud beside him. Looking over, his eye grew large when he noticed that Jesse had faceplanted onto the ground. It seemed that he had tripped over a rock. A rock that James hadn’t seen.

“Jesse, I’m sorry!” James kneeled down to help up his boyfriend. “I didn’t see that rock.

“I figured,” Jesse had a small frown on his face. “I need my glasses,” Jesse turned his face away, his eyes firmly closed. He didn’t want to risk hurting James.

“Right, of course.” James searched the area, his eye quickly spotting the black sunglasses. Gently picking them up, he handed them back to the gorgon who gave a short thanks before placing them securely back on his face. “Ok, just give me one minute.” James didn’t wait for Jesse to respond and bolted off ahead. Gotta make sure there are no more rocks or sticks on the path. The cyclops made quick work throwing the rocks off the path and soon rejoined his boyfriend’s side. “I’m back.”

“What were you doing?” Jesse quirked an eyebrow. One of his snakes slithered forward and eyed the cyclops.

“Clearing the path. You won’t be tripping again.” James slowly intertwined his fingers with Jesse’s. “You ready for a nice walk?”

“A walk? Sure. How nice it will be depends on if I trip again.”

“You won’t.” James gave Jesse’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

Jesse turned towards James with a smirk. “I was teasing.” The gorgon looked back forward. “It's always nice walking with you.”

James’ eye grew large before softening. A happy smile appeared on his lips as his face grew pink. “Well then, let’s enjoy our walk.” James declared softly before he heard another thunk. Glancing over, he noticed that he had led Jesse straight into a tree.

“Jesse!”

Jesse rubbed his face with a groan, the snakes on his head hissing and spitting angrily. “No other team can be struggling as much as us.”

------

Brody felt her heart racing wildy as her eyes darted around the forest. It was a bit of struggle going through the dark woods. There was nothing inherently wrong with a nighttime walk through the woods. But that story Clem told had set the selkie’s heart racing. She could feel her heartbeat pounding softly in her ears as she pulled her sealskin closer to her.

“Don't worry, Brody!” Mitch smiled over his girlfriend. “I’ll make sure nothing gets to us! If there is some fucking psycho out here, he won’t stand a chance against us!”

Brody looked up at the minotaur with a warm smile. “Yeah, you’re right.” She grabbed her boyfriend’s hand which caused the minotaur’s tail to curl around his leg.

“I’ll punch anything that jumps out at us!” Mitch declared loudly as he walked alongside Brody.

“Just make sure it’s not one of our friends.” Brody gave a teasing smile over to her boyfriend.

Mitch returned the smile then focused on the woods ahead. His hoofs clacked softly against the dirt ground. “So, you ready for your next swim match?” The minotaur looked over to the selkie.

“Yeah, Coach Garcia has helped me out with a technique that will make my swimming even faster.”

“Heh, the competition better watch out. They’re gonna get their asses kicked this Thursday!”

“Damn right!” Brody had a proud smile on her face. She glanced down for a moment, pulling the sealskin closer around her as she stopped walking, causing Mitch to do the same. “Are you going to be able to come to the match?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t fucking miss it for the world!” Mitch’s statement made Brody look up and lock eyes with the minotaur. Getting up on tiptoes, Brody planted a soft kiss on Mitch’s cheek.

“Thanks, Mitch.”

Mitch had an excited smile on his face, his tail curling even further around his leg. “Come on, Brodes. Let’s be the first through the test of courage!”

Brody laughed goodnaturedly as she jogged to catch up to her boyfriend’s long strides. “There isn’t any prize.”

“Sure there is,”

Brody looked over with a curious expression.

“Bragging rights.”

“Alright, then let's get those bragging rights.”

“Hell yeah!”

Mitch and Brody continued, focused entirely on making it through the forest as quickly as they could.

----

Violet couldn’t care less how long it took to make it through the woods. It was nice here. The cool wind, the shining light of the moon. Her girlfriend’s hand in hers. She couldn’t think of a better way to spend an evening.

“It’s lovely tonight,” Prisha’s voice drew the werewolf’s attention. Her tail began to wag back and forth wildly when she saw how beautiful Prisha looked in the moonlight.

“Yeah,” Violet had a warm smile on her face as she looked at Prisha only to look away when she locked eyes with the vampire. “So, what direction should we go?”

Prisha shrugged. “I don’t have a preference. I’m quite enjoying our time in the woods.”

“Yeah, it’s nice here,” Violet’s tail swayed back and forth at a steady pace. Something about the woods always felt so comforting to Violet. Maybe it had something to do with her werewolf instincts. The stars looked super pretty tonight too. Violet’s tail wagged faster. This was the best test of courage she had ever done. It was the only one she had ever done, but the statement still held true.

“I remember when I used to live in the woods.” Prisha smiled around at the forestry. “Those years were so peaceful. Just the calming presence of the woods and me.” Prisha let out a happy sigh. “Those decades were so tranquil.” Prisha slipped her hand out of Violet’s and strolled over to examine a tree. “There was nothing quite like it.”

“Maybe I should leave you and the woods alone,” Violet grumbled, annoyed that Prisha was no longer beside her.

Prisha glanced over her girlfriend. “My, Violet, are you jealous of the woods?” The vampire had a teasing expression on her face.

“Why would I be jealous of some shitty trees,” Violet crossed her arms and looked away. Her words didn’t match up with her body language. Her tail had gone limp against her leg and her ears were sad and droopy. “Let’s just keep moving.” The werewolf sulked away further into the dark forest.

“Vi,” Prisha strolled forward. “You surely can’t think I was comparing these woods to you.”

Violet’s ears remained flat as she walked forward. “Doesn’t matter what I think.”

“It does to me,” Prisha reached out and grabbed Violet’s hand. Violet paused when she felt the cold embrace of the vampire’s hand. “Nothing compares to you.”

Violet looked up at Prisha with wide eyes. Her ears perked up and her tail slowly started wagging. “Except you.” Violet awkwardly rubbed the side of her arm. She shook her head. “No, wait, that sounded better in my head.”

Prisha smiled at her girlfriend and gently captured her lips in a kiss. Violet’s eyes grew large as her tail swayed widely back and forth. She leaned into the kiss for a moment then pulled away. They looked at each other with shy smiles. Violet had grabbed both of Prisha’s hands with a happy smile on her face. She leaned her head back and let out a joyful howl that echoed throughout the woods. An evening in the woods really was the best.

------

The woods were the worst. They were dark and scary and the sounds of creatures whispering from the trees made Louis’ skin crawl. Still, he wanted to prove that he had courage. That’s what the test was all about. He especially wanted to prove it to Clementine. He glanced over at the human who seemed comfortable strolling through the woods.

It was so odd, how Clem made him feel. Whenever he was with her he’d get really nervous and his heart would start pounding wildly. When it first happened he had wondered if it was due to the tea he had on the way to school. But that had only happened when he had caffeine and the tea didn’t have that. After observing the others, Louis figured he had what they had: love sickness. Is that the right term? Louis cocked his head to the side in thought when he noticed Clementine look over at him. The pair glanced at each other then shared a quick smile before looking away. There it was again. His heart was acting wild, he could feel his face heating up too.

“So, think we’ll finish first?” Clementine glanced over at the frankenstein.

“Yeah! We’ll show them what we’re capable of.” Louis had a confident smile on his face.

“Not scared of the woods?” Clementine had a playful smile on her lips.

“Who, me? Nah,” Louis shook his head and flashed the biggest smile he could. “The woods should be scared of me!” He lifted up his arm and flexed it.

Clementine chuckled. “They should be terrified.”

“Exactly,” Louis strode forward, a new wave of confidence coursing through his veins. Clementine joined his side when all of the sudden a howl echoed throughout the woods, causing some of the birds to fly up from their nests and into the sky. “Ahhh!’ Louis yelped and jumped into Clementine’s arms.

Clementine could feel her heart racing but it wasn’t because of the sound. It was the fact that Louis was in her arms. She could feel her face heating up when she noticed out of the corner of her eye that one of Louis’ hands had come off and was flying through the air. Pivoting her legs, she reached out one of her hands and caught the loose limb.

She looked at the frankenstein’s hand wriggling within her own. This wasn’t exactly how she envisioned holding Louis’ hand for the first time. When she first came to Ericson, she wasn’t sure if she’d get along with the monsters. But now here she was in the woods holding the monster she had caught feelings for. Clementine shook herself out of her thoughts. She needed to focus.

“Thanks, Clem!” Louis’s cheery voice made the human turn her head to look towards the frankenstein. That’s when she noticed how close their faces were. Both of their faces took on a shade of blush as they looked away.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Clementine set down Louis who brushed off his clothes when he noticed he was missing one of his appendages. He turned his head wildly, making his dreadlocks bounce here and there.

“Need a hand?” Clementine twisted her hand back and forth, displaying the hand.

“Oh, thanks.” Louis took the hand and reattached it with a small pop. “Gotta had some more stitches next time.” The two smiled at each other for a few seconds too long then both glanced away again.

“So, shall I take the lead?” Clementine gestured to the path in front of them.

“I couldn’t think of a better guide.” Louis soon followed Clem, leaning closer to her whenever there was a sound that spooked him. Clementine noticed the frankenstein’s nerves and decided to lighten the mood with some casual conversation. The pair soon got caught up in their talks, so much so they barely noticed when they made it to the finish line. Only two other pairs were there so far.

“That’s bullshit,” Mitch huffed, his tail flicking back and forth. “Brody and I totally got here first!”

“Oh really?” Jesse had a smug smirk on his face. “Because how I remember it is that you two showed up after us.”

“Guys, come on, there’s no need to fight,” James tried to step between them and waved his hands back and forth.

“Mitch, it’s not a big deal.” Brody added from the sidelines.

“It is to me! I-” Mitch stopped when he noticed Clem and Louis. “Looks like others are showing up.”

The others turned and saw the frankenstein and human giggling with each other, still not noticing the other monsters.

“They’re cute,” James smiled as he watched.

“They’re dumbasses,” Mitch shook his head. “Just gotta go for it.”

“Says the minotaur that got asked out instead of doing the asking.” Jesse smirked.

Mitch was about to speak up but Brody beat him to it. “Hey, you two over here!” She waved at Louis and Clem who waved back and strolled over.

“Hey, guys! Looks like we made it through the test of courage!” Louis smiled proudly.

“Is it just you guys so far?’ Clementine asked before glancing back at the woods.

“Yeah, I’m sure the others aren’t far behind though,” James said with an optimistic expression. The three pairs sat down in the clearing and waited for the others.

Minnie and Omar were the next pair to make it through. Both were smiling and talking about something when Omar noticed the others. The next couple didn’t appear out of the woods but rather on the outer perimeter. Ruby and Aasim quickly let go of each other’s hands when they noticed the others. The dryad and fire elemental soon joined the group and got caught up in discussing the beauty of the woods when they heard an excited crow. No one even had to look to know it was Sophie. The harpy flew up in the air and did some quick circles before landing beside the dullahan again, exclaiming proudly how they weren’t last place. After a few more minutes, Prisha and Violet appeared from the woods. Both seemed perfectly content with taking their time. The werewolf’s tail wagged happily as she strolled forward with the vampire.

“Are we last?” Prisha looked around at the others. “Damn, how unfortunate.” The other monsters shared a look; it was clear based on the vampire’s expression that she didn’t mean it.

“Well, looks like everyone made it through.” Clementine looked around her circle of friends.

“Yep!” Sophie chirped. “We showed that test of courage who was boss!”

“We should do a victory cheer!” Louis’ suggestion had all the monsters unsure as he stuck his hand in the middle of the circle.

“Sounds good to me,” Clementine added her hand into the circle and caught the teasing look in Violet’s eyes. “What?”

“Nothing.” Violet shrugged and added her hand. One by one the other monsters added their hands into the pile.

“Goooooooo, monster pals!” Louis shoot his hand in the air along with others who look confused by the cheer.

“We definitely need a better cheer,” Violet shook her head.

“Well, we could always make a new one one next time.” Clementine offered.

“Oh? Are we gonna do this again?” Sophie bounced excitedly on her talons.

“Only if the rest of you want to.”

The group of monsters started to grow loud, each monster adding in their opinion until it was decided upon. This wouldn’t be the only test of courage these young monsters would face. As Clementine glanced around at her friends, she could tell that they were excited for next time, whenever that might be.

[gaamagirl565]

Matters of the heart Ep 1

Matters of the heart

Book 1 Episode 1

Prologue 

{zoom on a hot air balloon floating in the sky then fade to a sleeping ruddiger; he jumps in surprise when varian swings into frame down next to him by a rope}

Varian: *narration as he moves around working on the balloon* It’s been almost a year since I've seen Corona. A year since I left home. 3 years since I was labeled the traitor of Corona. Since then I’ve been traveling the kingdoms. Finding out more about “magic”. I’ve encountered so many amazing things. Things that science would fail to recognize. I’ve seen so many countries. 

{He flips through a book he has filled with creatures and machines he’s encountered}

Varian: *narration as we see cuts of memories of him fighting villains* nothing has been easy. People still try to threaten the kingdoms. But in order to redeem my name I've fought them all with the power of alchemy and the studies of the great lord Demanitus  A small cult following Zahn tiri has recently risen up. I’ve been following their actions for some time. It seems they want to form a new Zahn tiri somehow and hopefully I can stop them before it’s too late for Corona.

{Ruddiger jumps on his shoulder}

Varian: as far as I’m aware Ruddiger, they need a host to hold Zahn tiri’s power,a vessel if you will. Even then I don’t know how they would force the power into the host. And to be honest I don’t want to think about it... 

{sighs and thunks head}

Varian: OW!... *pulls out an invite from Rapunzel* ugh...the winter ball...I know the cult is heading to Corona for the device blueprints. Heaven knows why. but...I would rather deal with Zahn tiri itself than the Corona nobility.

Ruddiger: *chitters*

Varian: WHO ARE YOU CALLING A COWARD!?

Ruddiger: *chitters*

Varian: HEY! Watch your bloody mouth!

Ruddiger: *hisses*

Varian: yes I know it would mean a lot to the queen, and I could see Dad again, and I could catch the cult in action but..I... auuughh! *leans on the balloon basket and sadly stares at the clouds rolling by*

{Begins song “fight for you”} Varian: Every chance get to prove myself I blow it No matter what I do I’m the “traitor”

Wouldn’t you know it? But even if I never get a thank you I’ll still fight for you Why do they still hate me? I need something to sate me From this growing hole inside! They scream for help and oblige Even if I know my hopes for praise are just a lie But no matter what I go through I’ll continue to fight for you. But you know once in a while If for once someone would show me a smile Perhaps a lady with eyes of a lovely hue Someone I could look to And say I’ll fight for you. {End song}

Varian: *tears up but brushes them away before looking at the invitation Ruddiger then jumps on his shoulder* sigh...well Ruddiger I guess we’re going home huh?

Ruddiger: *chitters happily and running around*

{Varian walks over to a rope in the balloon and pulls it}

Varian: Corona...here I come. 

{cut to Corona castle with Rapunzel in the middle of the Ballroom watching it be set up}

Rapunzel:  Looking good everyone! Careful! Don’t fall off that ladder!

Eugene: there’s my beautiful queen!

{Eugene walks over and smooches her} Eugene: That nausea getting better? Rapunzel: *walks over to pick up a box of decorations* nope! But that doesn’t stop me from being queen!

Eugene: *takes the box from her* look Blondie I know you're excited about the winter ball and everything but should you really be up and about like this?

Rapunzel: Eugene, we talked about this.

Eugene: Yeah I know you still have duties as leader yadda yadda, blah blah. But seriously you need to consider your condition. 

Rapunzel: Eugene this baby isn’t coming for a few months I’m sure I can handle it.

Eugene: I'm never going to win against you am I?

Rapunzel: not a chance.

Eugene: so...Did our “special” guest ever reply? 

Rapunzel: no...I don’t even know if he’ll show up... I get that he’s nervous but...I miss my friend…

Eugene: *cups her cheek* He’ll show...I’m sure of it.

Rapunzel: thank you...Eugene…

{Cut to nighttime at the castle and Varian walking into the ballroom dressed in his best clothes but still with goggles he gets glares from many as he hands his invitation over} Announcer: Announcing Friend of the Queen Mr. V- Varian: *whispering* Wait no sto- Announcer: Mr.Varian!

{The room stops talking and some gasp in horror; He facepalms in annoyance before shoulder checking the announcer and walking into the ballroom} Rapunzel: Varian! Varian: My lady queen...*bows* Rapunzel: Varian we’ve been over this. Just Rapunzel!

Eugene: Varian! There’s my old buddy... Really with the goggles dude? Varian: huh? oh...I must’ve forgot...oops… Rapunzel: That’s alright you look dashing! It’s so good to see you! *hugs* and you know there are many lovely ladies here maybe you’ll oh I don’t know...stick around?

Varian: *sees a hooded man in the background and gasps* y-yes...of course, If you’ll excuse me, Your majesty…. Eugene: ...he’s here for work? Rapunzel: oh yeah… Eugene: Double the guards? Rapunzel: Yup. Eugene: on it.

{He tries to make his way across the ballroom comically bumping into people and things before tripping over a woman's dress and breaking a vase of roses} Estelle: {Runs over} are you alright? Varian: {takes fallen rose and presents it} Flowers m’lady? Estelle: {laughs and helps him up} you’re Varian yes? Varian: Seems my reputation precedes me...Traitor of Corona at your service. Estelle: {laughs} What a witty mouth you have sir, I’m Duchess Estelle. I’ve heard many things about you...Perhaps your feet work as well as your tongue? may I have this dance? Varian: uhhh...*sees the villain in the background* ummm...

Estelle: You CAN dance? can you not?

Varian: *looks at Rapunzel whos nodding* Um...uhhh yes? I think?

Estelle: Wonderful! well then shall we?

Varian: *whimpers and nods taking her hand*

{When she's not looking Varian turns back to look at Rapunzel clearly annoyed}

Varian: *makes a throat slit motion and whispers* I'm going to KILL you!

Rapunzel: *snerk*

{Song “Hello” begins} {VARIAN}

Stepping on the ballroom tile Shall we begin? One look at your eyes and I feel the beguile This strange new feeling is quite hard to pin But with the melodic cello guiding me through I might as well listen to the feeling within And say Hello to you {ESTELLE} Your eyes hold such mystery within them tonight And though the rhythm is mellow Our feet do so take flight And even if look away my cheeks are aglow So why not bestow a friendly hello {BOTH} As we both dance here my heart feels so light It’s as if we’re in a starlit meadow No one else in sight And as the music bids our bodies to flow I must say to you hello {VARIAN} More lovely than a rainbow {ESTELLE} Here in the ballrooms glow {BOTH} hello

{Estelle and Varian stare lovingly at each other before leaning in to kiss; Varian looks up and sees Rapunzel excited then looks at Estelle. at first, he looks heartbroken but then he just scowls and pushes her away before walking off leaving her confused and hurt}

Varian: Of course you’d do that...

Rapunzel: V-Varian? Varian: no offense Rapunzel...but I don’t need a matchmaker or pity {runs in the direction of the villain with Estelle following} Estle: Varian!? wait!....I did not mean to offend you… *she gets a determined look and follows {Varian walks into the room housing the device blueprints} Varian: *throws vial at the Villain*

Noremoth: AUGH! Varian: put it down and we won’t have a problem Noremoth: eh? Who? Wait aren’t you that six-year-old running around and warning us “don’t hurt Corona” or some crap like that? Why don’t you run off to mummy...I’m not about to fight a baby… Varian: S-SIX!? YOU THINK I’M SIX!? YOU SIR DOUBT MY CAUSATION OF NIGHTMARES! If I were you I’d be asking for mercy! Noremoth: PFFFFTTT!!! HAHAHAHA! Oh, sweet mother of the 7 kingdoms, that’s funny! Now here’s what’s going to happen...I’m going to walk out with these blueprints...and you’re going to let me… {Varian takes out his sword}

Noremoth: wrong choice! HAHAHA! *grabs him and throws him*

Varian: ugh why do we always have problems?

Noremoth: *goes to swing a sword at him* Varian: *stops it with his own sword*

{They struggle for a few seconds before a vase is smashed on Noremoth’s head} Varian: What the-!? *sees Estelle*

{Noremoth grabs the device blueprints and makes a portal with a wave of his glove and escapes}

Varian: NO!!....

Estelle: What just happened? Varian: They got the blueprints...Why are you here!? What did you think you were doing!? I don’t need some precious pampered duchess helping me! Estelle: well that's debatable. 

Varian: What do you want from me? Following me like a lost puppy. I don’t need your pity! *runs out* Estelle: What Pity!? V-Varian UGHH! *follows* {Cut to Varian running outside in the dead of night} Varian: Their glove portals can only go so far...where are you….* he scans the area outside and sees a glow from the Royal gardens* THERE! {Varian runs for the gardens; Estelle follows him} Estelle: Wait! Is this not a job for the royal guards!? *she trips and falls* AUGH! Blast these shoes! *she throws her heels off and runs after him* {Noremoth meets up with 4 others in the garden.} Noremoth: I got the blueprints for the device...

Cult member 2: Excellent! Let us retreat before- Varian: Before me? *cocky smile* Yeah I don’t think SOO-AHHH!

{Varian falls to the ground as Estelle has tripped onto him}

Estelle: oh i’m sorry! My dress is quite long. Not for running… Cult member 2: is this a joke? Because this is ridiculous Varian: *gets up* the only thing that will be ridiculous is your defeat... *he takes out his sword* Estelle: Eep! *moves out of the way as the fighting starts* {Varian holds his own against all 4. He even kills one leaving only three members now and kicks the body to the side. But one knocks him down. His ponytail comes out and his long hair falls on his shoulders} Varian: AUGH! Estelle: *gasps* ohh what am I doing!?...*looks around and sees the dead cult members sword* ….today is just not my day! {Estelle rips her dress so it’s shorter and grabs the sword; As a cult member prepares to stab Varian from behind Estelle swoops in and deflects the attack*

Varian: What the f-Have you ever fought before!? Estelle: to be honest dear sir no I have not! Varian: OH GREAT!

{ the fighting continues for a few more seconds before Estelle swings the sword cutting off a cult members arm} Cult member 3: AUUUGHH! Estelle: I just cut off a man’s arm! I feel unwell! Varian: Please don’t vomit! {Estelle is punched to the ground by a Noremoth} Estelle: AHH! Varian: Don’t you know it’s rude to hit a lady!? Noremoth:  you’ll pay for what you’ve done to us Varian! We’ll be back! thanks for the blueprints! {They Escape through a portal} Estelle: *moans as she gets up* Varian: Easy! Catch your breath...Are you alright m’lady? Estelle: Yes...some hot brandy and I’ll be right as rain… Varian: *is suddenly angry* I told you I don’t need your pity! You could’ve gotten killed just now! Estelle: And if it weren’t for me you would have been dead! Varian: I was handling it! Do you know what the kingdom would have done had you died!? Oh, that’d be a field day for me! Estelle: You fopdoodle! Your head is bleeding and you call that handling it!? Varian: At least I was actually fighting you were swinging the sword about like it was a tree branch! You dew-beater! Estelle: your tongue may be sharp but this rock it sharper! Hyah! *throws rock and it bounces off his chest and back at her face* OW! Varian: HAHAHA! Estelle: oh bleeding heck...oww..oh yuck it up you…*snerk* you idiot..haha {They both laugh together} Estelle:...I’m sorry that I got your blueprints stolen… Varian: it’s alright...I’ll get them next time...you know normally I dread coming to corona...everyone normally hates to see me...ya know since I'm a “traitor” but...despite everything ...tonight was fun…

{Estelle smiles but Varian frowns and sighs} Varian: well I best be off… Estelle: T-to where? Varian: anywhere but here...sorry...but there is no place for me in Corona...not anymore...Lovely meeting you Duchess Estelle. *bows* {he goes to leave} Estelle...Wait!...we could make a place for you! Varian: huh? Estelle: Corona may feel small but it doesn’t have too! There is always a place for someone! No matter their past! I know you may not believe me, Matters of the heart such as friendship, love and regret are hard to understand but...If I may...Perhaps I could help you!..

Varian: You...want to be a friend of mine? Estelle: If you’d stay!...please dear sir? I’d hate you see you go all alone. Varian…..*grins* alright...I haven’t seen my old lab in a while...why not? Estelle: we have an accord then sir? *holds out hand* Varian:....deal… {they shake hands}

{begin the flashes of them together through the years}

{flash one}

{Estelle sits with him in his lab as he prepares to combine chemicals}

Estelle: is this a good idea?

Varian: I don't know but alchemy is always an-

{it explodes in his face making Estelle jump and fall off her chair}

Varian:...adventure...

Estelle: Oh my God are you okay!? {laughing}

{end flash one begin flash two}

{Estelle walks in with a fake sword in her gut} Estelle: Varian...I...Please...hel...p..me Varian: ESTELLE! Oh my lor- *gags at blood* oh lord the blood...S-stay with me Estelle..You’re gonna live! You-

Estelle: *laughs* got you! *holds up fake sword while Varian has an ‘are you serious?’ face*

{end flash two begin flash three}

{Estelle is reading a book but sets it down}

Estelle: Varian do you Believe in love?

Varian: Oh! Umm..well Scientifically as an emotion yes! There are many examples of love, platonic, familial, romant-!?

{Estelle kisses him and then they stare at each other}

Varian: Feel anything?

Estelle: Nope!

Varian: Good me neither! 

{end flash three begin flash four} {Varian hands her a box} Varian: it’s a gift… Estelle: a gift? For moi? Varian: you bet… {Estelle pulls out a lovely peasant dress and gasps Varian: it’s not much but I figured it would make you look less out of place when in Old Corona...Sorry i know it’s not the silk you’re used to but- Estelle: Varian it’s perfect! Varian: Really!? Estelle: are you serious!? No crinoline, no tight corset, soft cotton!? It’s perfect! {she jumps on him in a hug} Estelle: oh! Um… right...sorry.. Varian: heh...yeah...it’s..all good… {fourth flash ends; fifth begins}

{Estelle is told she is to marry the duke in front of a crowd. She looks distraught}

Varian: {gets a determined look and he runs to his lab; shows him working on something}

{estelle gets a note telling her to meet him at the orchard; when she arrives jars with fireflies hang from the branches and Varian sits by a picnic blanket}

Estelle: Varian what is th-?

Varian: Estelle...you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman that any man would be lucky to have. I know you're scared but I want you to know you don’t have to be. I’ll be here for you. Forever and always… *gets on one knee* I know you have to marry this duke but...I hope  if you could have me....Would you marry me? *opens the box to reveal an opal necklace*

Estelle: *crying happily* Yes!... Yes, I will! 

{they kiss and then it cuts to Estelle marrying the duke in a grand ceremony. Cut to Estelle and Varian at night in front of the lake wearing simple clothes. Varian puts the opal on her neck and she gives him a sunstone necklace. They then kiss and Ruddiger on a branch above them drops flower petals on them}

Estelle: Ah! Haha! Varian: Ruddiger!...

{cut to later in the year at night and the streets of Old Corona are lit and a band is playing with people dancing in the street; Varian dances happily with Estelle and they’re happily laughing; Estelle trips on her feet but Varian catches her and holds her} Estelle:....I love you… Varian: *visibly surprised but then softly smiles*....I love you too...

{cut to Estelle looking nervous standing in Varians arms with Varian clearly upset and holding Estelle close}

Varian: any normal couple would be happy...but we aren’t normal...are we?

Estelle: *crying* I’m afraid not.

Varian: you’re of noble blood…a noble house…I’m the traitor of Corona. Estelle, our child deserves so much more than me. *strokes her cheek*

Estelle: Varian! You are the man I love...But I understand...Please forgive me for this...

Varian: there is nothing to forgive...I’ll always be here...You know that don’t you?

Estelle: *sobs* Yes of course I do...and I will always love you...forever. 

Varian: *bends down to her stomach* I love you too...both of you...I don’t even know them and yet I love them...

Estelle: our baby….

Varian:…hey there...you be good for your mother okay? You may not know who I am in life but...I will know who you are. You’re my kid...and I will always be there for you. I’ll always protect and love you...even from afar. I promise. 

Estelle:…I love you…I always will. goodbye…Varian…

{she leaves crying as Varian collapses to his knees; Cuts to Varian sadly standing out in the snow watching the sunrise}

Eugene: Hey, there he is! man of the hour!”

Varian: huh? Oh, My king welcome to old Corona.. what do you mean ‘Man of the hour’?”

Eugene: aw come on Ver’…The duchess Estelle..she had her little bundle of joy last night.”

Varian: What!?… Is she okay!? how is she!? and the Baby!?

Eugene: whoa easy there! don’t blow a gasket! she’s fine and the little guy is pretty cute too!”

Varian: wait…little..guy? it’s..It’s a boy?”

Eugene: yup all snip and snails and puppy dog tails..

{Varian cries a bit}

Eugene: we getting emotional daddy-o?

Varian: h-how do you know?

Eugene: blondie told me months ago. after you uh…broke it off with the Duchess..

Varian: It was to protect her reputation…plus she’s married…

Eugene: Yeah, I know…she named the kid Isaiah…kinda old-timey..

Varian: better than Eugene.”

Eugene: ah-…touche…oh but kid…Congrats…

{Cut to baby Isaiah sleeping in his crib}

Varian: Yeah...thanks.. {END CREDITS}

[fullmetalscullyy]

Can I please request some Modern AU with a spoonful of pining/adorkable Roy and tons of fluff? :D :D thank youuuu in advance, Emma!!

so i’ve fallen in love with this oneshot and writing their banter in a modern setting uwu thank you for this tas!! 

also i hope the texting reads well in this format ksjdfjk i realise the format is 14:00pm which is a bit redundant but i didnt notice until reading it back on here aaaaand tbh i’ve waited too long to post this and its 10:30pm so i really can’t be bothered changing it at this point

part 2 | part 3

There was an incessant banging on his apartment door.Stumbling through his living room, Roy cursed as he kicked the corner of hiscouch hard, his toe throbbing. His irritation growing by the second, hisvisitor still banging away on thedoor like there was no tomorrow, he wrenched the door open with a glare. Riza,his neighbour, stood on the other side of the door, hand raised and poised toknock again with an impatient expression.

“What?” he growled irritably.

“Hey,” she greeted brightly, unconcerned about the time andthe sacred rite that was a lie in on a fucking Saturday. “Can I ask you a favour?”

“Riza, it’s Saturday morning.”

“And?” Damn her. Dam her and her ability to rise at six inthe morning any day of the week. The woman had probably never slept past sevenbefore in her life. Roy, on the other hand, appreciated and valued his sleep.

“Saturday,” hestressed slowly. He had finished work late last night and had been lookingforward to his sleep. Now it had been ruined by Riza.

They were good friends and hung out frequently. Starting offas neighbours who politely greeted each other every morning, they quicklydiscovered they shared mutual friends, so it was easy for their relationship todevelop. To Roy it had been the most natural thing. The only down side was saidfriends were both couples and they ended up third wheeling any outing theyattended. Through this, however, they had formed a close friendship, which hedeeply valued.

But when she interrupted his morning by loudly banging on his front door for about five minutes instead ofwaiting for a more respectable hour, Riza really tried his patience.

“Good observation,” she quipped. “Anyway, I need a favour,if you’re up for it?”

Roy sighed, admitting defeat. He rubbed his eyes tiredly,resigned to the fact that for the fourteenth day in a row, he had been woken upat six thirty in the morning.

“What?” he asked irritably.

“I’ve got a work thing tonight and I need you to come withme.” Roy narrowed his eyes critically, eyeing her open and honest expression.

“What’s this really about?”

With a sigh, she finally revealed the truth. “You know thatguy I was dating?”

“The stick?”

Riza huffed. “He’s not a stick.”

“Riza, he’s built like a stick.”

“Anyway, it didn’twork out and now I have… a situation.”

It shouldn’t have excited him so much to hear that herrelationship with Stick Man Dan didn’t work out. Roy wasn’t blind, Riza was abeautiful woman. Plus, he adored her as a friend. They had clicked instantlyand the banter they shared was effortless. If things were to progress furtherbetween them, Roy certainly wouldn’t say no.

“A situation?” Roy asked doubtfully, yawning loudly. “Whatkind of situation?”

“Just some friendly stalking, that’s all.”

That woke him up.“He’s stalking you?”

Riza nodded and Roy didn’t miss the briefest flash of worryappear on her face. “Have you gone to the police?”

Riza nodded. “Yeah, of course, but they won’t do anything.”

“Why?” he asked, unable to keep the anger out of his voice.Regardless of his feelings towards Riza, they should be doing something aboutit.

“Apparently until he does something concrete, and there’sevidence, they can’t charge him.”

“Bullshit.”

Riza’s lips quirked upwards. “I’m inclined to agree. Anyway,it’s fine. I can look after myself. My hope was that you could accompany me tothis thing tonight to try and gently tell him that, you know, I’ve moved on.”

“Yeah, of course,” he replied, tone concerned. “Do you needsomewhere to stay? Is it that serious?”

Riza smiled at him instead of replying, Roy unable todetermine the emotion on her face. “No, thank you. I’m okay.”

“Let me know if you do. And if Stick Man Dan comes around,give me a text or a knock.”

“I will,” she smiled that cryptic smile, expression soft.“Thank you.”

“Okay then. What time do I need to be ready for?”

“Six, if that’s okay?”

“No problem.”

“It’s date,” she grinned.

“But be warned,” Roy added. Riza’s expression turnedexpectant. “Wake me up, banging on my door, at this time tomorrow and I will remove your hands from the ends ofyour arms.”

Riza grinned. “Thanks Roy!” She walked towards the lift, aspring in her step, completely unconcerned about his empty-but-tempting threat.He sighed, closing his door, but smiled as he re-entered his apartment. Anevening with Riza on a “date” didn’t seem so bad.

*          *          *

RM: What do Ineed to wear tonight? 13:44pm

RM: Smart?Casual? We talking tux? 13:44pm

RH: Smart casual is fine.13:51pm

RM: Wow. Thankyou. Much helpful. Very cool. 13:51pm

RH: You’re welcome.13:52pm

RH: Do I detect sarcasm?13:52pm

RM: Your powersof deduction are unparalleled. 13:53pm

RH: Thank you. I pridemyself on that. 13:54pm

RH: Idk just weartrousers and a shirt. 13:54pm

RM: Still nothelpful. 13:55pm

RH: Idk, I’m nota dude. I don’t know what you wear on a night out. 13:55pm

RM: Where is itbeing held? 13:56pm

RH: In a function suite.It’s just a gathering to celebrate a colleague retiring. Dan will be therebecause he was a friend of the retiree and one of my colleagues. 13:57pm

RM: Stick ManDan is friends with old age pensioners? 13:58pm

RM: Riza.13:58pm

RH: Shut your mouth rightnow. I already regret the decision no need to rub it in. 13:59pm

RH: And if you say I toldyou so I will punch you in the face. Guaranteed. 13:59pm

RM: What acatch. 14:01pm

RH: I hope you enjoy thatpunch coming your way in approximately 4 hours. 14:01pm

RM: Hey if noone else will make fun of you for it I’ve got to step up to the plate. 14:05pm

RM: I’m justfulfilling my duty as a friend. 14:05pm

RH: Two punches. 14:05pm

RM: Come at me.I look forward to them. 14:06pm

RM: So… Aboutthat dress code… 14:10pm

RH: Roy. You’re a grownass man. Dress yourself. 14:11pm

RM: Do you wantStick Man Dan to get the message or not? 14:11pm

RH: What, pray tell,message could you send from the way you are dressed? 14:12pm

RM: That I’m asexy motherfucker and you’ve done so much better than him already? 14:13pm

RH: … 14:13pm

RH: Insert picture of melaughing my ass off while rolling my eyes here. 14:13pm

RM: Juststaying true to myself. 14:13pm

RH: Keep telling yourselfthat buddy. 14:14pm

RM: To behonest anyone is a step up from Stick Man Dan. 14:14pm

RH: All right I’m goingnow. I’ve got more important shit to do than tell a grown man how to dress fora “date”. 14:15pm

RH: I thought you were“Mr. Hot Stuff” anyway? Surely you know how to dress for a date. 14:15pm

RH: Wait. 14:17pm

RH: You’ve gone on a datebefore, haven’t you? 14:17pm

RM: I’m noteven going to dignify that stupid question with an answer. 14:22pm

RH: Oh my god. 14:22pm

RH: Hahahaha. 14:22pm

RH: That pause speaksvolumes. 14:22pm

RM: I was inthe bathroom. 14:22pm

RH: TMI dude. 14:23pm

RH: Roy is not the“player” he makes himself out to be. Confirmed. 14:23pm

RH: I can’t wait to tellBecca. 14:25pm

RM: Youwouldn’t dare. 14:24pm

RH: ; ) 14:28pm

RM: Yourloyalties, and any impending betrayals, are noted. 14:29pm

*          *          *

“I’m going to kill you,” Roy grinned, trying to hide hisirritation as they walked arm in arm towards the function room where this partywas being held. “Really, Riza. This time, I will.”

“I’d like to see you try,” she muttered under her breathquickly before greeting a colleague and introducing Roy.

“You told Catalinaof all people.” Riza snickered beside him, steering Roy towards the buffettable. “You lied to her as well.”

“You neither confirmed, nor denied, if it was true.”

“I said I wouldn’t dignify it with an answer,” he bit back,his irritation rising. He couldn’t believeRiza had said to Catalina that he’d never been on a date before. Of course, he had been on a date before.The woman had phoned him up, cackling, asking if it was true. No matter what hesaid, Rebecca refused to accept any other answer.

God, he hated those two when they were together. A force tobe reckoned with, for sure, and often at his expense. Although they were maddening,Roy never minded it really. It was all good fun. However, it was just asentertaining to banter back and forth with Riza about the situation.

“Well, now we know you have,” she deadpanned, picking up apaper plate and filling it with food.

Roy followed suit, a smirk on his face as he shook his headin amusement. “I don’t feel so bad about making fun of you about Stick Man Dananymore. In fact, I don’t feel bad at all.”

“I would care butthat’s history.”

“Doesn’t look like it,” he muttered in her ear, picking outthe Stick Man himself heading their way, his approach unknown to Riza. Roy shothim a polite smile, which was ignored.

“What?” she asked, mid turn.

“Hey, Riza,” Stick Man Dan greeted his ex, still completelyignoring Roy. Thanks, mate.

Roy had never liked him. He was built like a stick, all skinand bones, and taller than anyone Roy had ever met, which did nothing in hisfavour in the appearance department. Every time they met up as a group, hewould completely gloss over everyone who wasn’t Riza, offering only one-wordanswers. Not to mention he hated Roy for some unknown reason. He couldn’tfigure out what it was. Roy would chuckle to himself when he considered StickMan Dan may have felt threatened by him.

Roy had often wondered what Riza saw in him. “As a concernedfriend,” he would tell Hughes and Catalina irritably when they gave each otherThe Look. Said look was a “oh-shit-he-loves-her” look.

Amusement aside, Roy did consider how it looked from anoutsider’s perspective. Both he and Riza were very close. Probably too close inthe opinion of significant others, but nothing had ever happened. It didn’tmean Roy didn’t want it too, but ifRiza wasn’t interested, then so be it. He wasn’t about to mess up thisfriendship and make it awkward by asking her.

As Stick Man Dan ignored Roy, he considered that perhapsthey were close enough that it wouldn’t makeit awkward between them. They told each other everything.

Only one way to find out, however now was not the time.

“So, you’re here with Gerald?” Riza asked him politelygripping Roy’s arm tighter and sliding an arm around his waist. Not expectingsuch close contact, his breath hitched as he ate, but was luckily able to hideit behind that.

“Gerald, unfortunately, was unable to make it tonight,however I thought I would just come anyway to honour Janine.”

Roy frowned. What person comes to a friend’s retirementparty? At said friend’s place of work?

A stalker, looking tosee someone who shot them down.

Roy shifted, wrapping his arm around Riza’s shoulder as hecontinued to eat, staring Stick Man Dan down. His hand came to rest on saidshoulder and he gave it a quick squeeze. Dan seemed to realise who it wasstanding beside Riza, and his eyes flicked to Roy’s briefly, before moving toRoy’s hand on Riza. If a six foot seven bean pole could look dangerous, thenthat’s what Stick Man Dan’s eyes looked like.

And Roy did notlike it.

Apparently, neither did Riza. She was tense underneath his arm,so he rubbed his shoulder in response. This man made her uncomfortable now,that was for sure. That was his job tonight, as a friend, to help her make itthrough this night and get rid of this guy forever. The only way Stick Man Danwould ever take the hint was if they were convincing.

However, he didn’t want to push the boundaries too much –

Oh my god, Roy, chill.You’re here as a friend, that’s it. Nothing more. Just help her out.

“That’s very nice of you,” Riza replied.

Stick Man Dan’s eyes flicked over to Roy’s once more. Oh, so he wasn’t invisible? Who knew? “Iwas wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?”

“Sorry, Janine asked us to come and speak to her after we’vegrabbed a plate,” Riza lied smoothly. Roy watched as the disappointment crossedStick Man Dan’s face, feeling very pleased by the show. Riza begun to walk away,neglecting to offer Dan another chance for his talk, and Roy let his arm drop,regrettably, but followed after her.

“Can you see me?” Roy whispered to her quietly, leaning inclose, as they left Stick Man Dan at the buffet table alone.

“What?” Riza asked, looking up at him, confused.

“Can you see me?” he repeated. “Stick Man Dan acted as if Iwasn’t there and I was wondering if I’ve miraculously achieved the ability toturn invisible.” Riza snorted, loudly. “I mean, it would come in incrediblyuseful. I’ll be disappointed if you cansee me at this point.”

“Shut up,” she laughed quietly, approaching the woman of thehour. “He’s an ass.”

“I honestly don’t know what you saw in him,” Roy joked,sighing dramatically. He would never let on that he was being serious. “I mean,clearly he was a charmer.”

“He never liked you, did he?” Riza smirked, popping asandwich in to her mouth.

“Oh, we were best buds. Me and Dan?” He rose his hand,crossing over his pointer and middle finger. “We were tight, just like that.”

“Shut up,” she chuckled.

The rest of the evening was pleasant. Riza’s colleagues weregood people who welcomed him with open arms. Apparently, they were in on thewhole stalker situation, and were aware of Roy’s role in the night. It didn’tstop them from playing it up, perhaps too much. As much as Roy enjoyedpretending that he and Riza were a couple, that was just it.

Pretend.

“Do you want to go with them?” Riza whispered in his ear.The feeling of her hot breath on his ear made him shiver, goose bumps rising onhis flesh. There were a few people who were going out for the night to a clubnearby. Truthfully, Roy didn’t want the evening to end. He enjoyed having hisarm around Riza as they sat together, their thighs pressed against each other.Holding her hand was something he couldn’t get enough of, and often foundhimself stroking the back of it with his thumb as they sat.

It’s all an act,he kept reminding himself.

But as the night wore on, Roy found he didn’t want it to bejust an act.

So, he agreed to going out to the club.

That was his first mistake.

His second came when they were dancing under the dimlighting, smoke coiling around their legs as they moved dangerously close to one another. Roy saw, rather than felt, hishand reaching out to brush her bangs off her face, his hand curving around hercheek to cup it. Riza’s eyes that had once been on the space between them hadsnapped up to meet his, both their dancing slowly coming to a stop. A thumbbrushed over her cheekbone and Riza’s eyes widened. The music in the clubdulled to a heavy thump, the wordsfading away to become obsolete.

He pressed his lips gently against Riza’s, feeling herbreathing hitch underneath them. His free hand made its way to her waist, handgliding effortlessly across the material of her silk top as it moved around toher lower back. Riza responded eagerly, deepening the kiss after she locked herarms around his neck, pulling him tightly against her body.

For a few moments all was right in the world. This felt good. It felt natural. It made Roywonder why they hadn’t done it sooner. He pulled back, as if his brain finallyrealised what he had done, and who hehad kissed.

Riza was a friend. This was supposed to be pretend. Not thatRiza could hear him, but he stuttered, trying to apologise for oversteppingthat final boundary.

The look in her eyes told Roy she was okay with it.

One of her own hands rose to cup his cheek this time, drawing his lips back against hers.

*          *          *

“Would… Would you like to come in for a coffee?”

Riza smiled tiredly. She had ridden in the lift with her headon his shoulder, eyes closed, and a small smile on her face. It had made Roy’sstomach go crazy and grip her hand tighter as they stood waiting on theirfloor.

That second mistake was working out all right.

“I would love to, but I think I’m just going to go tosleep.”

“See, if you slept in at the weekend, you wouldn’t be sotired at one am.”

Riza smirked but the lift dinged at their floor before she would reply.

“Maybe one day, you could teach me,” she replied, playingcoy, before giving him a wink as she stepped out of the lift. That left Roystaring after her, desire in his eyes.

A hand stilled the one on her door handle, gently but firmlyspinning Riza around so her back was against her apartment door. Roy’s handswere pressed flat against Riza’s apartment door, trapping her head betweenthem. Her surprised squeak was adorable and so was the grin on her face as Roybent to kiss her lips. Since he had done it for the first time in the club, he hadached to do it again.

“See you tomorrow?” Roy murmured, his hands moving slowly upand down her waist.

“See you tomorrow,” she agreed, her face and neck flushedfrom their activities. “You can count on it.”

He bid her goodnight and entered his own empty apartment. Thememory of kissing Riza, the feelings of her skin underneath his hands on herwaist, the softness of her hair as he ran his hands through it feverishly were freshin his mind as they lulled him peacefully to sleep.

Only to be interrupted by incessant knocking on hisapartment door.

At six thirty in the morning.

There is only one person…

Gearing up for his charade of being truly irritated, butready to joke with his friend, his retort about removing her hands from theends of her arms died on his tongue. One look at Riza’s face told him this visitwas different. She looked… scared?

“Can… Can I stay here?” Her voice was hesitant and quiet,almost fearful. His irritation gone after hearing her speak, Roy opened thedoor wider so she would enter his apartment. He was worried. Riza never looked like this.

“Yeah, of course. Is everything okay?”

Riza shook her head, offering him her phone instead ofreplying. Apprehensively, Roy took the phone from her unresisting hands.

Unknown Number: Riza weneed to talk. I didn’t like what I saw tonight. I don’t like you spending timewith that guy. I won’t allow it. 06:21am

Roy looked up at her from the screen. Her eyes were castdown towards the floor, not looking at him in the eye.

“I got that this morning, a few minutes after I woke up.”

He tried to reign in his anger. He really did. Was he watching her? The thought made himphysically ill and see red at the same time. “This happen often?” he askedcurtly, but somehow, he already knew her answer.

“Yes,” she replied in a small voice.

“Has it ever escalated?” Riza was silent and that was theonly answer Roy needed. “Why didn’t you tellme?”

“I could handle it,” she replied, voice stronger now. “Buteven after last night he still hasn’t gotten the hint and…”

“What?”

“I’m scared,” she whispered. “I’m scared of what he might do,of what he’s possibly already done, and I… I don’t want to be alone right now.Especially not in my apartment.”

Roy closed the door behind her, putting the chain across it,as if a reassurance that Dan wouldn’t get anywhere near her. Not while Roy wasaround anyway.

“Block that number after you’ve reported him to the police,”Roy told her. “I’ll drive you down there tomo – Well, at a more respectablehour,” he quipped.

“Why don’t we just go now?” Riza asked, confused. Ah, of course, Misswhat-is-sleeping-past-six-am?

“I’m going back to bed,” Roy told her. “And – only if youwant to – you can learn the benefits of sleeping past six am at the weekend.”

His attempt at humour was only to try and lighten the mood –to try and take Riza’s mind off things – and he was pleased to see she fellinto step with him, their banter coming easily to each other. He was thrilledto learn thigs weren’t different between them, despite what happened tonight.

Riza’s lips quirked up and her posture relaxed. Instead ofher arms hugging her body, they moved into the front pocket of her hoodie. “Andwhat benefits would those be?”

“Waking up next to me?” he offered with a smirk.

Riza sighed, cocking her head as if to consider hisproposal. “I think I like that benefit. Are there anymore?”

Roy grinned widely as he closed the distance between them,kissing Riza Hawkeye like his life depended on it.

God, it felt good.

[nancy-kenyablog]

Merrygoround

This morning I had a burst of energy. The first one I’ve had since moving to the museum. Sleep is often illusive here. The building itself is noisy. Corrugated steel on a 40 foot cathedral ceiling with no insulation and significant wind, at least for the first several hours of darkness, plus the fact that voices echo, reverberate and carry in a space like this can make falling asleep a challenge if I happen to be interested in sleep before my co-workers and fellow museum dwellers. I am always interested in sleep before they are. Have I mentioned that they are all in their 20’s and 30’s. The only other senior citizen goes home to sleep like a civilized person. I’m sleeping on two thin mattresses stacked on top of each other on the tile floor in a small room that probably will serve as an office once this place is fully functional. At least it has a door that fully closes. That’s a thing here, doors and windows that just don’t quite do the job as intended unless the intention was to frustrate the intentions of the person intending to close the door or window. They work great for that.

Why the burst of energy? Who knows. I ate pretty much rice and potatoes with some salty kale yesterday. I did just a bit of yoga. I had just a smidge of ugali. Justus says it’s the ugali that did it. All of these people love ugali. Ugali would be kind of disgusting to most Americans I would imagine. But as I’m from the South and love grits I can almost wrap my mind around ugali. Almost. It’s a brick of tasteless corn meal. Justus says it’s full of energy. I can’t see how it’s anything more than filler but what do I know. I had energy this morning and if ugali was the cause of that well I will continue to chock down ugali.

I cleaned two rooms that serve as showers and another small food storage room. It took hours. Hauling water, lack of dustpan, lack of squeegee… Determination and a burst of energy were what had been missing until this morning. The need was always there. Especially after Baba brought a goat to spend the night in one of the shower rooms but that’s another story and I may or may not tell it someday. It’s a part of a much bigger saga that I am not at all prepared to tell as it is still very much in the process of unfolding and is so full of intrigue and corruption and politics that I will have to pay way more attention than I have been willing to pay to get anything like a full picture. I may never get the full picture. My curiosity has never extended to this kind of adult human drama and I usually stay out of it as best I can. I may not get away with it this time. The forces of evil are closing in. hahahaha (sorta).

My lack of energy has been an issue for me here. I have had days when I just wished I had a nice place to sort of loll around all day and maybe drink some smoothie or a lemon aide or nibble on some vitamins. When it’s hot it’s worse and it’s usually hot for several hours a day. I try to get stuff done in the morning and evening. Try is the best way to describe what I do. If you saw it you would not be impressed. I’ve never been accused of being overly ambitious but I do enjoy a good short cycle that has me use my body and not my mind. Here there are an abundance of cycles both short and not so short that need doing. To do any one of them requires at least twice as much time and effort as I’m accustomed to, being American and a spoiled American at that. Water, fire, wind, blowing dust or rain and mud and the blazing sun all conspire to make whatever I’m doing way more challenging than I think is reasonable. And, honestly, I have not felt strong enough to do much. It’s been a little worrying. But this morning I woke up clearheaded and with some pep in my step. What a relief. I don’t have cholera.

What has made my “condition” all the more vexing is being surrounded by these strong, ambitious, energetic, regal, intelligent, entertaining, inspirational, magnetic, creative, industrious Maasai women. Maybe they are the reason I can’t get shit done. I hope that’s not the case because they aren’t going away, I hope, and I just don’t like thinking of myself as that susceptible to my own insecurities. They have lived a life that requires so much more of them in certain ways than my life has ever required of me. The Maasai are not in the habit of partaking in luxury of any kind unless you count living in this magical place and living with these radiant big hearted people as a luxury. I do but I’m not sure that what I see as luxury counts toward making their burdens lighter. I’m sure that it must but it’s probably difficult for them to unwind the richness of their lives from the hard work involved in daily living. They are awe inspiring.

Today two of these women came to see us at the museum. They are two of the same women who participated in the building of two of the small houses on the property. They had certificates with them identifying them as members of a social services self help group registered with the county government. Our local female chief Mary told me about these groups, called merry go rounds by the participants, that women have established to help themselves and each other. They function kind of like my friend Carol Sue’s Cousins Club. All for one and one for all and we all take care of each other. These groups are the way that most Maasai women find to work with nonprofits. There is an established order that “bypasses a corrupt government” according to my friend and co-worker Justus. He may know more about this kind of thing than he does about ugali. He went to law school, not the culinary institute.

So these women want to bring their merry go round group’s beadwork to the museum to sell. They are also interested in learning to sew. We have a donor who is back in the states working on raising funds to support a technical training school where sewing would be one of the subjects taught. I am very enthusiastic about this as I love to sew and welcome any excuse to work with these women. If inspiration can cultivate productivity then I have set myself up for a leap in the direction of getting more done. Then again I might just get tired of feeling intimidated by them and decide that being a spoiled American is just who I am and I had better just be happy with that. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted.

[cazimie]

For the people who chose pile 2:

MILK, HONEY, AND MIRACLES!

Okay first of all...

For the people who chose this pile, I’m with you on this one. While I was shuffling, my gut was already telling me to choose number 2.

The first card, 9 of Swords, is very much like us. We’re too much into our head and in our sleepless nights, that we can’t seem to focus on the good things that could be coming for us. If you see that man on the bed, he has hands on his face, his thoughts causing him to worry a lot but not even looking at the rest of

the cards— that are all so positive and supportive!

There is a very strong desire to achieve something here. There is a very strong vision and a specific ambition being laid out here. 6 of Wands talks about the victory, success and triumph. Recognition. Being admired and adored by the achievement, like when a hero comes home to his hometown to find the people in there to be cheering for him he sets his foot at his home. We crave this emotionally fulfilling act and moment, we want to be noticed and acknowledged by the things we love and are passionate about. We want to see it bring a sense of unity and contentment to the public, or to our loved ones that surround us. We are the dreamer of dreams, and we have a lot in our dreams. May it be big or small, it’s all in our minds and hearts. We are drawn to it no matter what.

This could be anything. One of you could be dreaming of a perfect love, or a person perfect for you. Some of you could be dreaming of a happy and content future family life. Or a stable and secure job with a great house and cars. Maybe some of you could be dreaming of going into an industry, such as the creative industry, or getting that Medical diploma and graduate. Or some of you are dreaming of being involved in the society as a whole and make a difference. No matter what the agenda, you intend to achieve these by using your resources, skills and talents— as indicated by the Magician card. This is indicating that we ACTUALLY have what it takes. We have the tools! If you look closely at the Magician Card, the man has the wand, sword, cup and pentacle.

Each of us have all of that, the wand, the sword, the cup and pentacle. We have the wand, that’s the fire inside our hearts. That’s the determination and the willpower we feel in our gut and in our blood. It’s the energy that we feel as dream and allow ourselves to visualize our dream to come true. That’s the warmth when we feel the passion to engulf our being as whole and be led by our hearts. This represents the Leo, Aries and Sagittarius fire signs. With this fire, we set ourselves in motion.

We have the sword. The mental capability. The thoughts. The ideas. The conviction within ourselves. The clarity to set things straight. The focus. It’s all about mind power. The strength of the mind to work along with the strength of our hearts. The intelligence we’ve been gifted. The knowledge we eagerly obtain to get better and go further. This represents the Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Versatility, Harmony, Balance and Innovation.

We have the cup. The imagination and the creativity. The translation of our emotions into expression. The intuitive hits of artistic and creative ideas. The ability to soak up all the waves of imagination and inspiration. The spirituality involved. The love that we put into our efforts. The growth we experience through our soul with every progress and challenge. This represents the Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.

And we also have the pentacle. Laying all our ideas, determination, visualizations, plans and creative ideas into the material world. Manifesting it into the physical reality. Taking the needed steps and actions to create it from the mental or abstract sphere to the physical plane. The patience. The commitment. The endurance. The slow but steady progression. The building of the structure. From nothing into a solid form of something. The trust and faith. This represents the Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn.

But we have to conquer the conditioning in our minds that “I don’t have it enough” or “I’ll never be able to do that”. This is a mentality that is absolutely not serving us anymore, and we do not have to stay stagnant in that state. It’s time for us to breathe in and breathe out. Relax, release that tension and let go. Leave all our worries and anxious feelings to the air and let it dissipate. Instead, focus on the prayer and the hope— because it can attract miracles! We deserve everything that our hearts wants. We deserve that happiness, it is our birthright. And so it is time to believe in ourselves again.

But I understand that it is not easy to do this as well. First, we need to re-organize our thoughts and plans again. This is for the sake of getting that clarity once again. We worry too much, we sulk too much and dwell on negative feelings and thoughts that it could cause us confusion, frustration and no progress at all. It’s almost like.. this spread is encouraging us to raise our vibration to attract what we want. And that’s probably the point. It is after all, one of the laws of the universe. The Law Of Attraction.

In order to make this work, we have to get our sh*t together. Hahahaha. Get organized. Plan ahead. Think of ideas, stock em’ up, and make some more just in case. Strategize. And while doing all of the necessary work, make sure to keep yourself grounded. It’s alright to let the feelings flow and let loose, but we cannot just sit on our beds, loose sleep over things and mistakes that haven’t even happened yet. We have to commit ourselves to do the work, and we need to endure through it all. With the card Helper of Abundance and New Project— most of us have been thinking of creating something new. Something we’ve always wanted to do before in order for us to go further into the path we all dreamed of. This spread seems more like for the people who are more concerned about their goals and career paths.

The Milk and Honey represents the sweetness and feelings of contentment and comfort in life. It also means the euphoric feeling of getting reward, the fruits of our labor and the satisfaction after much work has been done. This also encourages us to raise our vibration to feel good and feel blessed, even if it doesn’t seem like it... yet. But know and believe that it is already here for us and it is meant for us. What is meant for us will never be taken away, the Universe always makes sure of that. But this also means that we may have manifesting powers that we aren’t just aware of yet. We may be manifesting anything from good to bad, and it all depends on what we have already done.

“HOPE IS THE CONDUIT FOR MIRACLES”

This stresses the importance of Hope and Faith, and believing in yourself. Miracles are always magnetized by hearts that never give up. There is a irresistable pull to hearts that possess the strength and innocence of hoping, wishing and praying. We don’t have to quit. We really don’t have to. Because everything is not lost at all. We can always rest, if we’re tired. But never give up. Or you’ll miss your chance. There will be times where it will be harder than usual. Maybe, the emotions gets so heavy and it starts to affect your mental sphere. The pressure and the stress may really get to your head, and so your heart is affected and is in distraught as well. And in times like that, it is harder to stay grounded and stay committed to the work we vowed for ourselves. And suddenly, mistakes come in and you blame yourself. You look at yourself and the bad thoughts come in to haunt you.

We need to work on our fire. We need to really believe in ourselves and claim that confidence. We have all the tools, you just have to figure out how to get it from yourself and how to go from there. Right now, the universe is probably testing you with delays and disappointments. Because it wants you to gain more strength and staying power to achieve all that you ever want. Be the doer and the go-getter. Tell yourself that you deserve it and so you went for it.

In my case, I think about how my dreams are way too big and too impossible for me to make it a reality. So I escaped to my fantasies, a world where everything is possible for me... all inside my head. I was always wishing and wishing and pouting, not going anywhere. Staying up all night, wondering what will become of my life because it seems to be going nowhere. I think about how I’ll eventually be a failure when everybody expected me to succeed. I was expecting things to fall into my lap, and when it didn’t, that’s when the anxiety and fears came in. So many what ifs plagued my mind and my heart. Until I reached a breaking point.

For a little while, I actually gave up. I gave up praying for it. I focused on other things and tried to forget about the dreams I really cherished. Feeling drained, I thought it was the end of a dream. So I took my mind off it. I relaxed. I finally breathed. And suddenly, it just came back to me. That life force. That determination. The ideas started flowing in once again, and before I knew it, I found myself dreaming once again.

But it came with maturity this time. It came with me having more clarity. With me being more grounded. Now I do my best to do the small things everyday to bring me closer to my goals. This time, I have more patience and understanding of why it all happened. I learned a lot, and I’m slowly healing. Maybe its what we all needed too. We just need to let go, and leave it to the universe. Do your part while you wait, because the universe definitely has your back.

This pile has a very straightforward message. Keep the hope and faith, be strong, and believe in yourself! Don’t forget to focus on the present and let go, we will eventually get there.

[99dreams1nightmare-blog]

My 3.. “Christian” beans, xDD

First - Myron (Also he’s not wearing shorts, I swear to whatever god is out there, xDDDD)

Second - Vritra

Third - Nyven

They’re apart of this roleplay I’m making called mindset. These 3 would be considered the “antagonists”, let me explain, owo

Mindset takes place in a heavily Christian private school, usually I hate school roleplays because, they’re a good idea at first then the idea falls because.. School isn’t exactly an interesting place, but I’m trying really hard to make this one interesting.

Any “athiests” found in the school will be taken to the basement of the school. Where, they may die immediately, Or be taken to the judgement arrangement room, where they’re put into classes with the teachers being Nyven, Myron, And Vritra. (Though, vritra doesn’t show up until really really late into the roleplay)

Once they’re put into classes, it would be announced by Myron and Nyven that the last 3 out of 20 students get to leave unharmed, but a student will be killed off each week, if nobody dies on there own, henceforth, the students will have to kill eachother so nobody else dies, bUuUUt, that isn’t just it, >:3 If they are caught killing another student, a class trial is held to decide if they are guilty or not guilty.

The classes themself are basically hell, Well.. A very diluted version of it, xDD

3 students would be chosen every class for the “activity”, and by that, I mean possibly tortured. I’m getting there, Okay? I’ve only been working on this idea for 2 days off and on, xDDD

I have to put 20 characters in here, Not including the 3 “priests”. Aka Vritra, Nyven, and Myron-

But uh-

Heres what I have so far for the characters, xDD

Mindset’s characters

- - -

Lazarus - A precious bunny boi, he’s pretty damn shy, except for.. Uh.. That 2nd and 3rd part, xDD The Poor bapy breaks easily under pressure and has trouble even looking at people,

Lazarus: ..? O-Oh..I-I’m Sorry.. I’ll leave..

Lazarus: What do you mean..?! That’s so goddamn stupid! AGGH.. JUST SHUT UP ALREADY, WONT YOU?!

Lazarus: ..Hmph.. I’m already quiet as it is.. Why *should* I shut up?

Rowan - Maxwell’s twin, she’s majorly narcissistic and bossy, but she can be.. Kind of nice at times, But she’s super fukn pretty, so there’s that? xDD

Rowan: Haaahh? You better have a good reason for interrupting my nap!.. >:C

Rowan: OI. Perv, Give me your jacket, It’s cold.

Rowan: Hmph, Dumbass.. Making me do stuff myself.. What does he think I am?!..

Maxwell - Rowan’s twin sister, she’s the smarter of the two, obviously, Rowan is fucking stupid, xDD Maxwell doesn’t exactly hesitate to insult someone, Or.. Hesitate on kind of anything, Though due to that, she has never exactly had any friends so she gets all excited and shit when she makes a friend, so that’s cute, xDD

Maxwell: No, it’s not that, it’s the other answer, Jeez.. Are you really that dense?

Maxwell: Woooahhh..~ I have a friend! .o.

Maxwell: Tch, Shut it, you’re starting to annoy me..

Aromara - Myron’s favorite student, Even Though she’s a complete pervert, she sees Myron as a big brother and respects him. Though, she lacks any kind of manners. She’s a bit unfinished, tho! But I’m getting there, xDD

Aromara: Fuck yeah! Gimme this shit! >:D **she chugs a can of soda** WOOOOO!~

Aromara: HAHAHAHA! INSULT ME AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!

Aromara: Wha?! Hey! Shut up! That’s my line! >:0

Isamu - This precious little creature respects any kind of rule, Not hesitating to call someone out on it, he doesn’t blush very much unless someone tries to hold his hand. He hates sweets with a fukn p a s s i o n, but he’s still precious, xDD

Isamu: ..Mmmmm.. xc **red red red-**

Isamu: I really appreciate it!.. But.. I don’t like sweets. Sorrry,

Isamu: That’s.. A lie.. At the start of the trial you said you were in class 102? You filthy liar! Liar liar pants on fire!

Edgar - A big fukn teddy bear, Not literally, He’s just really tall, xDD he’s pretty damn childish in the long run, Though, he only has one eye and no mouth, He manages, he usually writes down in a little note pad to talk to people. Truthfully, he has never even mentioned religion once, the only reason he’s in the basement of the school is because people think he looks like a demon.

Edgar: . . . “I don’t understand.. What do you mean?.. I know I look a little weird but I’d never hurt someone..”

Edgar: . . .

Edgar: ..”I’m sorry.. I can’t speak..”

Myron - A superficial, verbally abusive bean, he rarely acts kind to people, Not even Nyven, he’s iconic for being the loudest and strongest of the 3, Truthfully he was saddened to see his “little sister” put in the basement, but he probably wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.

Myron: Hmph, All I wanted to do was help. How rude of you.. I can’t believe you.

Myron: Get off of me, you dumb bitch, I aint’ your “big brother”, Aromara. Let alone, friend, Leave me alone, I’m busy. (Aromara: bRotHer tHiS iS bEtRaYaL ;O;)

Myron: Oh.. It’s okay, I don’t mind as long as it pleases me, After all.. Your mine, got it?

Nyven - A sort of.. Biopolar bean, one second he’s acting all shy and shit and the next he’s stabbing your eye out, Tsuyoshi learned that the hard way. Also may have a few yandere tendencies and very sadistic but we don’t talk about that, xDDD

Nyven: ..Sorry about this, I can’t let you continue through here, So leave before I must use force.

Nyven: Love.. Oh my honey.. Ahhh.. Is this what Love feels like..? I love it.. I love it! I’ll never let go of this feeling! Ahh.. uwu (Creep, lOl)

Nyven: Mmm.. I’m sorry.. Are you just a pussy or are you really gonna step up to save them?

Tsuyoshi - Hes a new bean that I just added, I’m planning on him to slack off a lot during class and shit and mostly just be really easily pissed off, Though, his only friend is Isamu who has, Might i say, dragged him across the floor to class one day. Moral of the story, He’s a lazy ass hOe, xDDD

Tsuyoshi: ..Mmh.. Don’t give a shit.. Go on without me..

Tsuyoshi: ..Eh? What the hell? That’s not what I meant, Jackass.. Now let me sleep.

Tsuyoshi: Why do you think I killed him? Do you really think I have the time to do any of that shit? I’m busy doing more important things. Like sleeping.

Vritra - This guy is so easily obsessed, He easily falls in love, which might I say will probably play a part once he appears, He’s.. Definitely a low-key demon, Only one of the 5 main characters able to see his horns an tail (a boi named Shiro). Whilst Nyven and Myron.. Might know? It’s hard to tell.

Vritra: ..Hehehe..~ Look, Veve! His eye has fallen out.. He’s starting to decompose!~ Isn’t it just wonderful..? Haha..~

Vritra: ..How boringg..~ I was really excited to execute someone today!~ xc *he sighs* Maybe tomorrow.. qmq

Vritra: Comebackcomebackcomeback!~ Don’t run from me!~ I’m going to catch you anyway..!~ Where have you hidden, my dear?~ I know you’re in here.. Ehehe..~

And for the main characters I mentioned earlier!

Those characters are gonna be played by my girlfriend, Izzy. I haven’t exactly gotten her to make examples of their personalities and shit, but I don’t mind explaining them myself, xD

Shiro - An awkward boio, He’s a hint of stoic with extra truth. Tbh I’m excited for this boio, xDD

Strawberry (gonna be changed) - He’s pretty chill, flirty at times, but probably gonna handle all of the murders the easiest.

Lucy - Obsessed with the idea “perfect”, henceforth why she ends up hanging around Rowan a lot (who is far from perfect because she’s such a bitch, but eh, xDD) And she’s pretty insecure of her own body, sadly. Love this bean, tho, xDD

Yuri - ..I honestly have no idea how to describe her, I know that here, she’s probably gonna be one of the first to go, she seems like she would break really easily under pressure, Poor Yuri, xDDDD

*..forgot the name - This is Yuri’s brother, he’s really fukn chill and harmonicas his sadness away, he’s probably gonna handle everything okay-ish until Yuri dies, which is sad, but hey! Most of the characters are gonna die anyway. xDDDD

So.. Yeah,

That means I only need to makee.. 8 more characters? I think? xDD

Aromara

Lazarus

Edgar

Tsuyoshi

Maxwell

Rowan

Isamu

Strawberry

Yuri

Lucy

Shiro

Yuri’s brother

So that’s 20 - 12, Woo! 8 characters left! xDDDDD

Batteries not included

— — —

Nyven

Myron

Vritra

Welp, That’s all folks! That’s Mindset. xDDD

[adaysnotes]

02152020

I think I have achieved the workstation setup that really caters to my specific ‘workflow’.

I did have previous decent setups but I think what makes my current one stand out is that I went past not just considering how an actual peripheral will be used but instead to consider it part of my entire workflow. Like the keyboard, for example. Plenty of times before, I would pick a keyboard solely because I thought it would really feel good when I played my online games, and also when typing blog entries, etc. I never gave much thought about how it would fit the rest of the other accessories -- say, the mouse.

This time around, I tried to come up with a setup that would work well as a unit, and, at the same time, has parts that are in itself high-performing. Working from home has presented this need since I try not to mix work with pleasure. That just basically means I don’t use the work laptop for browsing personal stuff, and my personal desktop for work and development tasks as well. (I wasn’t always like this, of course. Back in the office, there was no choice but to use your office laptop for browsing. Haha!)

I was also kind of getting tired with the gaming look of the setup that I had for quite sometime. I thought I’d go for a look more aimed at productivity -- a little more professional, if I may say so. Add that to the fact that I try to always think of ways in which I could save time and space in my daily life.  Among the things that had been at the back of my mind bugging me were my current desk devices and layout. The things that I had on my desk -- the gaming mouse and keyboard -- just took up too much space.

So my step 1 was to get rid of the gaming peripherals. I sold my Logitech G512 keyboard, the Razer Ergonomic Wrist Rest, and the Razer Mamba mouse. My colleague got the mechanical keyboard and wrist rest at a bargain, and a buyer from Carousell bought the mouse for a steal price also.

I went back to the Magic Keyboard that came with the iMac... but I could not make myself go back to the Magic Mouse simply because I just hated that thing. I never got the idea behind that device. It’s not ergonomic, which was toally un-Apple-like. 

When I had my MacBook (before I had this desktop), I was curious what the fuzz was about this Magic Mouse so I decided to try and buy one. I thought it might make using Photoshop or Lightroom easier, etc. I was so wrong. In no fucking way did it make any of my computer use more convenient. I sold it two days later. Hahahaha! The only reason why I still have a Magic Mouse now is that it came with the iMac. I didn’t want to add for a Magic Trackpad back then since I didn’t think I wanted it -- and I still had my Razer Mamba mouse then.

This time I decided to go with the Magic Trackpad 2. I’ve seen Vuhlandes’ workstation on his vlogs and he has that same trackpad. Plus, I’ve always placed a premium on devices that offer both the options of using it wired and wireless.

When I started editing photos with the Magic Trackpad, however, the use of brushes was a pain point I encountered. Using the trackpad in performing any click-and-drag task proved to be very unintuitive and, frankly, just difficult. Any click-drag activity would require you to exert more effort, not to mention that it grants you less control than if you were using a mouse. So I looked around the internet on what tools other photographers use.

The main solution that I came up with was to use a graphic tablet. To that end, one of my brothers lent me his Wacom Bamboo Pen & Touch when I told them about the possibility of getting myself a Wacom. I tried using it immediately once he let me borrow it, and I was totally blown away. It presented too great of an ease in my photo-editing workflow, instantly turning it into a quick hassle-free moment. For the short period that I used it in Capture One, the focus was on the things I wanted to do to get the output that I wanted and less on the ‘how’ would I do those same things. The next day, when I told my brother I was sold on the idea getting myself a graphics tablet, he told me that I can have his Wacom Bamboo. Wow!

While the graphic tablet covered the difficulty encountered with photo-editing softwares’ brushes and sliders, it occupied considerable table real estate next to a keyboard. A full-time mouse is also not its primary use case (I’m guessing, of course) so for me -- a stickler to a-place-for-everything-and-every-thing-in-its-place mantra, it was not an ideal solution for casual use. There were still normal, everyday click-and-drag scenarios (e.g. moving folder items to a different window on a big display, etc.) that doesn’t exactly present the need to bring out a pen & touch tablet full-time. Those would still require a mouse.

My search for a mouse was for a couple of reasons, with one being the reason I explained above. One of the other reasons was that I wanted a heftier and a more reliable mouse to use with my day job: software development work. 

The Logitech M720, the mouse that I had been using for my office-issued laptop, was becoming a little light for my taste. At the same time it was also unraveling now that I do mostly hardcore development work solely on a laptop display,  without an extended monitor. It’s selection and click-drag accuracy (or lack of it) has become more pronounced with the smaller screen space. Using it in the office before where there was a monitor offset this nuisance by forcing me to just aim more precisely and click more deliberately at the target. Here, right now, there is just no way to mitigate that. It was the M720′s time to go. My Wacom-tablet donor of a brother happened to also want a mouse for his MacBook Pro so I just handed him this one.

The Logitech MX Master 3 was just the perfect choice for my mouse. It still has the multi-device capability that the M720 had -- which I had never used (I just knew it had that because of the additional buttons) --- but it was also bigger and heavier. It was also more reliable -- a conclusion I gathered from watching some couple dozen of YouTube videos and fiddling through Google’s search results of “best mouse for Mac”. So I did my usual online window-shopping for a week or so. Units of the mouse weren’t really easy to come by locally and prices were also really all over the place so I decided to go for the ones in the middle price range, eventually settling on a Facebook page that sells electronic components for robotics, and stuff. They happened to have an MX Master 3 in their inventory posted, which I found quite weird since they were selling mostly electrical circuit boards for Raspberry Pi and whatnot. I messaged them one evening and told them that I’ll order the next day and have it picked up once they confirm the order and payment. 

When I finally got to use my own Logitech MX Master 3, it did not disappoint. It wasn’t over the top. I mean, you could consider the modern look to be (it really isn’t). But the performance? It didn’t hit you with a wow. It just flat out, simply delivered. It did what I wanted it to do. The setup was easy, the moving between my work laptop and my personal desktop was seamless. These days, I’m even playing Starcraft: Remastered with it. It was like a perfect marriage of all the features that I wanted in a mouse: the wired/wireless option, the multi-device support, modern design, right amount of heft, the softness of the click, the sleek charging cable, etc. It was just the right work mouse.

Now, let’s go to the keyboard.

Apple’s Magic Keyboard is no doubt an impressive piece of equipment and is very fun to use. However, using it for a long period of time will really suck since there is nothing really ergonomic about it. It’s too low and flat (both its frame and keys) that when you’re trying to type fast you would find that you are actually banging on the keys. That’s not good. I am also a deep lover of the number pad. This is also one of the reasons why I’ve always felt the need to get an external keyboard when using a laptop: I feel that a work setup is incomplete without a numpad. What I wanted now was a keyboard with a numpad that still has the compactness somehow of Apple’s keyboard. But as I was looking around what to get, I would still try and look for models that have my nice-to-have features: wired/wireless options and mechanical.

This is where I first began taking a serious look at the Keychron brand. Their Keychron K4 V2 wireless mechanical keyboard checks all those boxes that I’ve laid out. It’s a 100-key mechanical keyboard that can be used wired or wireless, and is compact. It also has the multi-device feature, which completely had me sold on it since I was just getting the hang of this particular feature on the MX Master 3 mouse. Just thinking of a one-keyboard-one-mouse setup for both my office laptop and iMac, I was already giddy with the space I’ve saved on my desk. And so in a way, when I had read up on all of the K4 V2′s features while waiting for my turn with the dentist, it was a no-brainer. When I got home that night, I ordered the keyboard online along with the Keychron wooden palm rest.

One thing that I also loved about the Keychron K4 was that its visual elements are very minimal. It doesn’t have a huge frame, and the design is pretty straightforward. It’s minimal and it’s also nostalgic. Its boxy keys takes me back to the times when I was playing alone as a make-believe hacker with the mechanical keyboard (all keyboards were mechanical back in the day) from our old computer. The K4 also has RGB lighting but it does grant you options to change the colors and lighting effects, or even turn it off completely (which I did with mine).

So now, I have a multi-device combo of an awesome mouse and an equally awesome compact keyboard for use for work and for pleasure, a trackpad for smooth scrolling and also serves as a backup cursor, and a graphic pen & tablet which I pull out from the side for a more precise and efficient creative workflow. I know, I know -- it’s really very specific to me. But so far, it works.

This entry took quite a while to finish. I started this one on the 15th, and it’s now sometime past midnight of the 20th. 

[mildlymaddy]

Yearly (Belated) Review

Alright, there it is. My answers to the Yearly Review meme. Honestly I found this SO HARD. Not only was it hard to find positive things to say about my writing, but also I don’t remember anything of what I wrote last year? It’s hard to answer these questions if you don’t even remember any detail about your own fics.

It’s really weird because I take so much pride in my actual job, like I know I’m good at it, I know exactly what I’m good at, I could answer all the questions in the world about it. I also think that I’m a really good beta reader, like I’ve never found anybody else like me? Someone who will actually nag at you and go deep and force you to rework stuff and get even better. All of this, I can easily see and appreciate. But my personal writing? UGH. Nothing to keep, throw it all away please.

Writing this was really painful for me, when it seems to have been so much fun for everyone else (as it should be, because y’all are so fucking talented and I’m glad you realize it)... but you know what, soldiering through actually helped me take a step back and force myself to see what was good about my writing. I’m incredibly grateful for it.

1. List of works published this year:

This one at least is easy, you can find the list here.

Except that I forgot my original ficlet I wrote, a soft lesbian summer haze story inspired by some Danielle Campbell photos! It’s there and I think only two people in the world have read it but I really like it.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Hahahahahahahahaha…. hahahaha… haaaa.

Sorry.

Um.

I guess, maybe, the Lilo Brits verse? Because it’s like, one of the more “serious”, angsty things I’ve written (and La helped me make it good).

I guess it’s pretty clear I have a real big problem about thinking “happy” fic is meaningless, which is kind of a downer considering it’s almost all I write (and probably what I’m best at).

Oh, okay, I’ve just re-read that ghost!Liam lirry fic and it’s surprisingly nice. I guess I like the way it’s a total crackfic and yet it’s very tender and bittersweet. I can grant myself that. :)

And now that I’ve found back that Danielle fic I linked to above, I can honestly say that I’m super proud of it. I’m proud of how soft it is, and how tentative, and I just… I really like how poetic it is? The words came out exactly as I wanted them to. I really love it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Most of them? Like, they’re okay, but most could have been infinitely better if I’d just forgotten about them for a bit and come back to them with fresh eyes, instead of posting them straight away. There’s stuff that people loved that I’m re-reading today and I literally cringe thinking of how much better they could/should have been.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I couldn’t say. Like, it’s not just that I’m super harsh on my writing, but how am I supposed to remember everything I wrote?? The way you guys all managed to answer this one is what baffled me the most, because I legitimately cannot do it. I’d have to re-read everything I posted (and even then I probably wouldn’t like anything enough to think it’s worth quoting here).

But one thing I can say is that I have a huge soft spot for my Lilo fairy verse. It’s not the most amazing thing in the land but I think Louis as a fairy works really, really well, and it’s just silly and happy and I’m glad I wrote it. :)

 5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

This one is surprisingly hard to answer! I mean, obviously, @catateme9 is the most supporting reader and friend anyone could wish for, by far. The way you boost authors you like is heartwarming, and shows that you don’t need to actually put out material to be a vital part of the fandom. <3

I’m also just really grateful when people yell at me in their reblog tags, which happens often, it’s probably the most satisfactory feedback anyone can get.

I’m sorry, I feel bad for not being able to recall a really good one, I just… any kind of feedback makes my day. I cherish each and every comment/tag/message I get about my fics, so it’s just impossible to pick one.

 6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly ask me for a time when writing was easy, it’ll be easier to pinpoint. Writing is torture, all the fucking time. But some of the random ficlets I wrote in bed were wonderful gifts, sudden unexpected inspiration that I managed to see through in one sitting.

But writing has been especially hard for the past couple months, I have to say. I used to constantly daydream about my plots and now there’s only static in my brain.

 7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I guess all the het fic I wrote. I’ve always written exclusively slash, even back in my HP days (the only Hermione/Ron fic I can remember writing was PG, I couldn’t stomach the idea of writing a sex scene). I think because for a long time I wanted to get as far away from heterosexuality as I could. I guess me writing all those elounor, or elounorexha, or louelle fics shows my own real life path towards accepting I’m bi and that there’s nothing wrong with “het” sex.

 8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I don’t think I grew at all. Queen of stagnation, that’s me. 😞

 9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I… don’t know? Maybe just… learn to give myself more credit? Be as kind to myself as I am to other writers? Oh and also if I could stop comparing myself to all of you and feeling terrible because I’ll never be half as talented, that’d be nice.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@ferryboatpeak will never not be wonderful. She uses both the carrot and the stick to keep me on track (or tries to, at least), and she’s also sent me some DELIGHTFUL things to beta, for which I’m always so grateful because honestly, reading her stuff and then seeing her turn my suggestions into gold is a fucking privilege.

To be fair, I have a lot of incredibly talented writers as friends. You’re all inspirations in some way, but I’ll mention 3 writers that have really stood out for me this year (please don’t get offended if you’re not in the list you KNOW how much I admire and love all of you, omg, so much!!)

@queerlyalex the sheer range of what you write, and the softness with which you tackle tricky subjects, is absolutely incredible. Your fics aren’t only perfectly written, they’re also so enlightening, and eye-opening, and as someone who was very very clueless before I joined Tumblr, they’ve been a wonderful, soft way of truly realizing there is so much more than what I’ve experienced, and getting my head around some stuff. I feel so incredibly grateful to be your friend.

@polaroidgirlfriend, I’m sorry I haven’t yet read your fionrry, but I still think about your university Narry fic all the time. I’m still floored by how perfect and honest it was, you have a way of… of getting at hidden, unspoken human emotions that is so gentle and yet so uncompromising, it’s a testament to your beautiful soul.

@1000-directions, your love for the boys’ girlfriends (and friends, like Bebe) is the most heartwarming thing ever, and I’m so happy you’re constantly putting out these empowering, woman-positive slices of life out into the fandom world. We need more people like you here. I also love what you said about learning to write for yourself and not caring about how niche something is, that is something I could dearly do with.

I think it’s telling that the three people I’ve picked out have that one thing in common, your way of gently dissecting relationships to get to the heart of them, unflinchingly uncovering the good and the bad bits. You somehow all manage to depict love as a bloody beating heart, both beautiful and terrible, soft and ragged, full of hope and despair, and I just… love this so much about you. There’s a line in one of my fics (that sounds so pretentious omg) which goes “so she’ll stop cutting his heart open as softly as if it was a peach”, and that just really sums it up. I only wrote that one sentence, but y’all actually do it in every one of your fics, and I’m just... in total awe of you. ♥♥♥

 11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Pretty much everything I write is about me. I get sick? I’ll write some sickfic. I’m super tired? Louis can’t seem to get any sleep. Little gestures I love end up in my stories. Things I crave end up in my stories. Often I’m embarrassed about just how much my stories are a reflection of myself, to be honest. I’m an open book.

 12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I’ll share wisdom from my actual job : do not cling to your ideas. It doesn’t matter how cute/sexy/well written that paragraph is, or how brilliant that idea is, if it doesn’t fit with the rest of the story or if it’s blocking you up, GET RID OF IT. Seriously. Being able to just delete chunks of your own writing when you realize it’s not serving your story will save you a lot of pain and time.

 13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Any of my WIPs, god, please. I started so many things and they fell through the wayside and I feel so guilty and gutted about it.

The most important thing of all would be finishing Take These Chances, because I still get comments on it from time to time and I’ve dropped it just before Louis and Liam finally realized they were in love and it’s just… it’s terrible. I want to finish it, I just don’t know how to make myself do it.

But I also have that summer heat nouis fic, puppy/kitten lilo, the lilourry mermaid thing, lilo new year’s kiss, another lilo fic about kisses in which liam must kiss louis every hour to make up for waking him up early, the nouis watching Stranger Things, a new installment of caldell highschool au, that hendes fic, a steamy Elouelle ficlet, the follow-up to the sleep-deprived Louis fic… all of these are half-written or more, they just need a little more work, but I can’t. seem. to do it!

If anyone’s got idea on how to motivate me through this, I’m ready to hear them.

 14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I don’t need to tag anyone, you’ve all done it already (and they were a joy to read). ^_^

[ilyasvieltrevelyanshepard]

‘it’s okay. i couldn’t sleep anyway.’ / Pairing or Characters of your choice ^^

Thanks for the prompt!!! I loved it *_* as soon as I read the words, Shoker come to my mind

Hope you like it!!!

Darkness. Suffocating and frightening darkness. Death gripping her heart while she drifts away from him. Shepard remembers clearly his face framed in the tiny window of the escape pod door. The pain was written on his face, she swore that she could hear his screams while she was pushed away from the wreckage. The sound of her own anguished cries awakes her. Bending her legs, she hides her face between the knees, trying to stop the tears that flow freely from her eyes.

Shepard didn’t know how long has she been just sitting and crying her pain away, but it has left her with a mix of relief and sadness. Standing up from the bed, she takes the few steps that separate the bed from the bathroom. Damn Cerberus and their idea of making her room big as a little apartment on Earth. Loneliness is even greater with this much space just for her… Taking a look at the reflection in the mirror, she feels like crying again. She didn’t recognise herself in that image. Her hair is way too long, the curls falling everywhere around her face. The scar that has accompanied her since the Blitz has gone. Her lips are whole again; no trace of the wound she suffered on her first mission after joining the Alliance. And the red new ones… the scars that let her see how few of a human being is hiding under her skin. She needs to move. There is a lot of work to do, colonies to protect, a galaxy to save. With a sigh, she closes her eyes before opening the tap and washing her face with cold water. After drying her skin with a towel, she uses her fingers to put some order on the curly hair before leaving the room. Walking the empty hallways of a ship always have brought some kind of peace to her mind, and is what she plans to do. The elevator just needs a couple of seconds to appear on her floor, and she pushes the CIC deck.

As she expected, the deck is utterly deserted, but not as silent as one can imagine. The soft sound of music fills the silence. Violins, cellos, piano, beautiful tones that make goosebumps appear on her skin. Knowing that there is only one person who can be awake this late beside her, she walks decidedly to the bridge. The door is closed, but the sound filter through it, reaching her like a caress while she decides to open the door or leave him be. But the voice of the IA intrudes the music when she warns Joker about her presence outside. Rolling her eyes, Shepard pushes the control of the door and is greeted by Joker, who has made his chair turn to face the door, and wears an exhausted smile on her face. “Hey, Commander, what’s up?”

She steps inside, smiling softly at him. “Not much to tell. Care if I join you for a while?”

Joker nods at her before adjusting his cap and turning the chair to face the ship’s controls again. “‘It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway, we can keep one another company.”  

To his surprise, Shepard didn’t go to the copilot seat. Instead, she sits on the floor, shoulder resting on his leg while she hugs her knees. The blue orb of EDI is still shining on the corner. Wanting a bit of peace for some minutes, Shepard decides to pull her strings. “EDI, activate private mode in this room until further notice, and lock the door too.”

“Understood Commander. Login you out.” After the blue light of the IA disappears from the bridge, the room is almost in darkness. The only light shining is the one from the controls and the emergency lights near the door. With a sigh, Shepard leans her head on Joker’s leg and just stays there, hearing the soft music. Several minutes pass and none of them says a single word to break the moment. But then, in the few seconds, that silence fills the cockpit when the songs end and the next begins, Joker hears something he didn’t know possible. Shepard is sobbing almost silently. His hand moves instinctively to her head, making her jump slightly just before breaking completely, openly crying while hiding her face in Joker’s leg. “Command– Leah, whats the matter? Talk to me, please.”

She needs some time to control her feelings, but finally gets a hold of herself, sitting back and wiping away the tears from her face with the back of her hands. “Who am I, Jeff?” Her voice is barely a whisper over the sad song in the background.

Joker’s hand returns to her head, fingers delving in her curls until he reaches her nape, and forces her to look at him. Leaning closer to her, he wipes the new tears with his thumb. “You are you, Leah. Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, Hero of the Blitz, Goddaughter of Admiral Hackett. Leah Jane Shepard. My Commander.”

Closing her eyes, she fights back some more tears biting her lower lip, but Joker will not buy it, and pushes her chin down with his thumb, making her eyes snap open and fix in him before begin watering again. Taking off his cap, he puts in her head before sitting back and using the controls of the chair to lower it. “Come here, I can’t sit with you on the ground, but you can sit here with me. Don’t know about yourself, but I really can use a hug right now.” Shepard didn’t wait for a single second before standing up and sitting on his legs, hiding her face in his neck when he surrounds her with his strong arms. The next minutes are used to calm her nerves, with soft caresses of his hands on her back. When he feels her breathing even, and the grip on his uniform loosen a bit, he moves one of his hands to her hair again, using it to move her face until he can look directly into her reddened eyes. “Talk to me, Leah.”

With a defeated sigh, she closes her eyes before answering him. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I lost everything that made me myself, every single bit of my past has been erased.”

“Not everything. I know I’m not as cool as a scar from your heroic deed during the Blitz, but I’m still here. And I will be until you ask me to go. I can repeat all your records daily if this is what you need to stop doubting.”

Another sigh, and this time she forces him to let her go to lower her face and fix her gaze on her hands, resting on Joker’s chest. “And how can you be so sure that I’m me and not an invention from Cerberus?”

A soft chuckle from the pilot makes Shepard turn to look at him, only to find him smiling broadly to her while one of his hands takes off the cap and let it fall to the ground beside the chair. “Easiest answer of the day, Leah.” And without any other warning, he closes the distance to her face, sealing their mouths together. She just needs some heartbeats to kiss him back, and soon they are kissing away the pain from one another. When she breaks the kiss to catch some air, he snuggles her nose with his, smiling happily when she returns the gesture. “Yeah, definitely my Leah.”

“So sure about it and this is the second time we kiss in what, almost three years for you?”

His hands move to cup her face lovingly, thumbs drawing little circles on her cheeks, “I replayed it in my mind every single night from the past two years. The memory of your kiss, the softness of your lips, the silky texture of your hair… every tiny detail about you showed on my mind every night before I dream about you. Of course, I know this is YOU, and only you.” When she begins to cry again, he fears having said something wrong, but she was smiling, and one of her now soft hands joined his on her face, leaning on his palm. Closing the distance to her face again, his lips brush against hers when he talks, “It always has been you. Even before I knew you and our paths crossed. I’ve been waiting for you all my life, Leah. But now that you are back, I don’t want to wait anymore.” His kisses are the sweetest ones Shepard ever have, melting her heart with every touch of his lips, every tickling sensation from his beard. Breaking the kiss, he sits back, looking intently into her eyes, “I know I’m not the best option out there. I will never join you in a fight, never will dance with you, and I know you can’t walk proudly beside me–”

Using a finger, Shepard silences him, shaking her head. “I don’t need another warrior, Jeff. I need a friend, someone to hold me at night when the demons come for me, who makes me laugh even in the darkest moments and know how to wash away my pain with some words or a touch. Besides, I will walk proudly with you, anywhere, anytime. You are one of the strongest men I ever met.” Using the armbraces of the chair as leverage, she moves until she is straddling him, hands on his neck and chest. “You are my only one. From the first time I met you, since the first time I put my eyes on you, a little voice in my head keeps repeating ‘He is the one’.”

His gasp catches her by surprise, and she follows his arm down, where he sees his fingers pinching his leg. When she returns her gaze to him with a raised brow, he chuckles before moving the same hand to her waist. “Remember how I told you about how I can’t sleep? Well, all this conversation seemed too good to be true, and I needed to check it wasn’t a dream.”

The pain from her dream and her doubts are washed away easily by the shared warm feeling of their love. Because none of them is stubborn enough to try to deny it. She leans closer to him, fingertips playing with the hair of his beard while her lips ghost over his mouth. “Then, Mister Moreau, seeing that we don’t have any intention to sleep… do you mind if we spend the night in my quarters? I may need a hand to reacquaintance myself with this new body of mine.”

“Aye aye, Commander.”

Morning finds them laying on Shepard’s bed, with her head resting on his shoulder while he plays with her curly hair. The room was depressing some hours ago, now, with him on it, and their clothes decorating the furniture, it feels like home. Shepard has come back.

[luisaaronopez]

Ice Troll trapped the three students into a dark void. Betty started to shake in fear but whispered to herself. "Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid..." Ice Troll announces "Its time to play Ice Scream." Venus slammed her head against the ice. "STOP WITH THOSE FREAKING PUNS ALREADY!" Ice Troll looked at her "Let me think...NEVAAAH!" Venus told Jeff "I swear, I'd rather get eaten by a shark than listen to his cringey puns." Ice Troll yelled at Venus "Fine if you don't like it, then I guess I'll.." the troll snapped his fingers and Venus is forced to wear headphones made of ice. Venus snarked "I should've kept my mouth shut." Ice Troll looked at Betty "Now where was I before I was COLDLY interrupted by that HOTTY!? Oh yeah...Dark Game time!" Betty was shaking like a leaf. Ice Troll messed with her "This how you play the game, in my hands are ice circles. I have three of them and each will tell you things about your life. The past, present and future. If you feel any negative emotions, you'll be engulfed in ice." Betty started to shake again but she must remain calm. Ice Troll pulled out the first circle. "I see that you were a happy girl back then. And what do we have here? Is that your father?" Betty timidly answered "Y-yes?" Ice Troll laughed "Your father is the President of the Neon Isle Laboratory? That is genius!" Jeff whispered to himself "I heard about him, but I didn't know he had a child." Ice Troll continued "But he didn't spend time with you. He's such a workaholic that he cares about his work and ignores his family." Betty started to cry, but as she's crying, her feet are getting frozen. Ice Troll laughed "You're feeling emotional are you? Keep it up and you'll join your friends." Betty calms herself down a bit. Ice Troll went on "Not to mention, your friends didn't think highly of you when they use to be your friends and best of all, it was YOUR fault they are now stuck as mutants." Betty wanted to cry more but she stayed calm. Ice Troll pulled out the second circle "Now the present. You are very good in a lot of classes but you suck at making friends. I guess that's why you'd rather freeze your butt off in this challenge making them instead of doing it properly." Betty is very close to cry, the ice is freezing up to her waist. Ice Troll pulled out the last circle. "In your future, well, this is good news." Betty gasped "It is?" Ice Troll smiled at her and said "Yes, this future says you're going to die alone. Booger haired glasses boy and hottie only used you because they couldn't navigate this mountain themselves and once you guys win, you'll all separate and they won't need you anymore." Betty began to get teary eyed. Ice Troll mocked her "What? I never said it was good news for you!" Betty began to bawl, she didn't wanna look at Jeff and Venus. Jeff tried to call to her but Betty looked away. Ice Troll creeps up behind Betty. "Looks like you'll be my next meal, hahahaha!" The ice began to reach up to Betty's neck and Ice Troll said to her "Any last words?" Betty said nothing but something clicked in her head. "Wait a minute. No, no, you're wrong. Jeff would never use me. He wanted me to be on this team because we have something in common. We both love anime, video games and J-pop. He made me feel like myself. Not just Jeff, Venus too. She may be a pain in the neck, but she's still our leader. If she needs any help, she can call Jeff and I so we can help her. Not to mention, what she said to me earlier, that shows that she does have a heart of gold under that stuck up personality. Jeff and Venus, thank you both." Jeff smiled and Venus cried tears of joy, Ice Troll looked at her "I thought you can't hear anything under those headphones." Venus taunted him "They melted while you were TROLLING Betty. I made a pun didn't I? THIS CAVES IS STARTING TO GET TO ME!" Ice Troll was about to punish Betty but the ice melted. Ice Troll was shocked "NO! My poor ice!" Betty told Ice Troll "I think sadness freezes peoples heart but if you smile and have good friends, it'll warm it up." Ice Troll shouted "Are you trolling ME!?" Betty giggled "Also since the ice melted, it must mean I win." Ice Troll made a wicked smile "Ha! If you won, how come the ice didn't melt for your friends?" But then Jeff and Venus stepped in and Jeff said "It already did!" Ice Troll screamed "Well then...I'M GONNA FREEZE YOU AGAIN!" But then a shadow came in again and it was Aaron "Don't you know how to play fair with mortals, you cold hearted troll." Ice Troll yelled "Why are you stealing my puns, I'm the Ice Troll. Trolling is my living!" Aaron extended his hand and his eyes started to glow "You may be good at trolling mortals. But you'll never troll an immortal who will ban you from this universe....PERMANENTLY!" Lightning bolts engulfed the Ice Troll, he screams in agony, shatters and disappears. Betty, Jeff and Venus were astonished of what happened. Betty noticed a piece of Ice Troll's hair on the ground. Betty picked it up and whispered to herself "Got the trolls hair. Now I got all the ingredients for the antidote." Venus walked up to Betty and genuinely told her "Sorry, we had to bring you here and I'm also sorry for being bossy to you. I did horrible things to you guys. I feel bad for treating Jeff like dirt, for treating you like dirt, treating everyone like dirt. Jeffy is the only one who still talks to me and takes me seriously. I just...don't know how friends work." Betty kindly told Venus "Its okay. I don't know either, if we wanna learn to make friends, we do it together." Venus smiles and hugs Betty. Venus looks at Jeff and tells him while lifting her arm so he can join "You too Jeffy." Jeff blushed as he joined in for the hug.

[ficdirectory]

The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x02 “Exterminate Her”

We’re back for more of our thoughts on this week’s Fosters.  As usual, check out @tarajean621‘s thoughts on Jesus and brain injury representation in italics below:

You Know What Could Have Happened, Callie?/Honey, She Was Terrified:  I can totally understand Callie wanting to focus on the good side of things.  I’m sure she is keenly aware of just how badly things could have gone.  And Stef being short with her and Lena taking the time to explain how scared Stef was rings so true to Real Stuff Parents Do.

This Is Nothing to Celebrate!/Surprise!  And, naturally, all the charges are dropped.  But how awkward is this surprise party led by Robert?  Especially Mariana leading her brothers in a rousing chant of “hip hip hooray” because “our sister’s a hero!”  So cute, though.

How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Your Brother?/How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Mariana?  I missed this part somehow when it first aired.  

How’s The Treehouse Going?  Has She Taken Over Yet?/No, She Just Found Us a Tree:  Wow, everyone’s crabby today, aren’t they?  Settle down, Emma.  Only a few more days and you can be really far away from Mariana.  (And Jesus.  I wonder how that will go?)

Hey, Can I Talk to You for a Second?/Uh, Yeah, Sure:  I hate that everyone is now actively fearing Jesus.  It’s especially disheartening seeing Mariana react out of fear here.  And the camera stays with Brandon as he jumps and then leaves the table. I’d love for the assumption that Jesus now resides at Intimidation Station to not be a thing.

I have been looking for statistics on how likely it is that people with TBIs assault their caregivers, since this seems to be the slant the writers are taking with 5A.  I could not come up with one link.  

I did, however, find pages of links (over 3 million results) about disabled abuse and victimization.  

One source says that disabled people are 4-10 times more likely to be victims of violence, abuse or neglect than nondisabled people.  It goes on to share why people living with TBIs are likely to encounter victimization - the list includes the use of undue force (which I covered last week when Gabe restrained Jesus), caregivers misperceptions about TBI leading to abuse or not believing us when we report abuse, or having to endure abuse “in return for” help with tasks of daily living.

Definitely.  In just existing as a disabled person and talking to others who are, I can say that everybody I know who is disabled, has, at some point, been abused.  (Usually, this is by a caregiver.)  Another source I found on the maltreatment of children with disabilities states that:

“Children with disabilities may have increased vulnerability to abuse because...[they] may be perceived as less valuable than other children. Their reports may not be considered trustworthy. Discipline may be more punitive and accompanied by a lack of respect.”

So, I’ve Been Thinking and I Wanna Do My Senior Project By Myself/Well, You Can’t:  Um.  Wow, Mariana.  Maybe you should have been honest with Jesus from the start about this.

Yes, this might have been a more timely conversation weeks ago.  Although, it was really up to Moms and Drew to deliver this news to Jesus, so Mariana is not the only one to blame here.

I’m Gonna Talk to Drew Myself and See What He Says:  You pretty much have to, Jesus.  It’s the only way you’re guaranteed the truth.  

But wait, if Jesus speaks to Drew all on his own, who will Drew look to if there is not a suitable nondisabled person present? <-- Sarcasm

Was This Emma’s Idea?/No.  I Just Need to Prove That I Can Do Something on My Own:  Of course, Jesus would feel strongly about this.  His family doesn’t respect him as he is.  It makes sense for him to feel like he has to prove his capability to get them to take him seriously.  Nothing else is working.

Our society views productivity as the be-all and end-all.  You go to school to produce meaningful work so that you can graduate and get a job, thus becoming a contributing member of society.  You are useful and worthy then.  Jesus feels like he needs to produce a meaningful senior project without help to be seen as useful and worthy again.  And it doesn’t hurt that it might earn him points with Emma to distance himself from Mariana.

I Just Wanna Help/I Don’t Need Your Help/Well, We Do/So You Want Me To Go Live with Robert?  Honestly, though, what else is Callie supposed to think?  Moms are pretty much saying she is too much for them and they need backup to handle her.  

Callie, We Love You But There is Only So Much That We Can Do For You:   I guarantee you the only part of Lena’s sentence that Callie heard was “We love you, but...” which feels exactly like, “We don’t love you,” or “We used to love you, but don’t anymore.”  (Please think about what you’re saying Moms, these words will stick.)  

You Need to Decide Who You Want to Be Going Forward, Because This Girl is Not Acceptable:  OMG talk about a back-to-back gut-punch!  Jeez...  What is Callie supposed to do with a statement like this?  She is who she is.  She can’t change who she is.  She has had a ton of stuff happen to her before she ever came to Stef and Lena.  That all impacts who she is and her decision making process.   

This morning I read an article called 3 Reasons Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work With Kids From Trauma.  Callie has lived months as an adopted child, as opposed to 7 years in foster care.  She is in survival mode all the time, and completely shut down during Moms’ and Robert’s lecture.

I’ve heard similar remarks as an adoptee myself and that is exactly how they resonate.  Moms’ words must feel like such a rejection.

After This Last Thing With Callie, I Just Don’t Know What To Do/I Know That Was So Awful For You.  I’m So Sorry.  How Can I Help?  What Can I Do?  This is probably a bit of a raw wound for me personally, because Stef absolutely needs and deserves comfort.  But it feels so jarring to see this scene after the previous two with Moms and Callie.

Lena excused Stef’s anger at Callie in the car when Stef talked about how Callie could have been beaten or raped (she has experienced both in foster care, Stef.)  Then the lecture.  But we just don’t see that level of love and support for Callie herself.  Nobody is asking Callie “How can I help?”  or “What can I do?”

I Need You to Say You Can’t Help Unless It’s Both Our Projects, Because You Can’t Choose Sides: Mariana, I get that you are always at least 25 billion steps ahead, seeing every possible bad eventuality but you need to try to reign in this impulse to manipulate the adults in your world.  Maybe talk about that in therapy?  (But speaking of Kids Who Came From Trauma...pretty textbook behavior.)

(On the positive side, give Brandon Quinn all the points for the physical comedy of trying to put those jeans on!  So funny!)

He’s Lucky I Didn’t Suspend Him/And You’re Lucky I Don’t Sue You.  And The School:  Yes, Lena!  (Also how gross is that pro-privatization piece in the ABCC school paper?)

Portfolio?/Your Body of Work:  I find it hard to believe that Callie would have zero idea of what a portfolio is, but maybe she doesn’t hang around a lot of art students?

Mariana Just Told Me That This Treehouse Project is Approved for Her and Not Jesus Because He Might Not Be a Senior Next Year?  It was news to me, too, Gabe!  I’ve literally been thinking (for months) that Mariana went in to support Jesus for his senior project.  That it was his meeting.  And that when it was not approved for him that was the end of it, but Mariana couldn’t let it go, so she lied and said it had to be both of their projects.

But Jesus Has No Idea, Right?/We Don’t Want to Frighten Him with All the What-Ifs/Keeping Things From Him Blew Up in a Pretty Big Way:  I mean, Gabe’s not wrong...

Dean Bayfield:  Well, hello, new neighbor.  Looks like Stef’s a little tongue-tied around you...

When Do They Send the Paper to the Printer?/They Already Did/What If It Caught an Error and Sent a New File?  Mariana Adams Foster...put that big, beautiful brain of yours to good use and be careful.  (I’m so proud!  But I’m so conflicted about being proud!)

Pick Up Your Senior Project/Toss It:  This Girl Is Not Acceptable.

The Art Professor...is Gonna Let Me Audit Her Class and Help Me Put Together My Portfolio/That’s Amazing:  This Mama Sandwich for Callie is so bittersweet because she looks so relieved that they still love her.  

Do Think I’d Be Better at Scooping Ice Cream or Flipping Burgers?/That Depends.  You’d Be So Bad at Both:  OMG Callie!  Hahahaha!

Maybe This Could Be My Still Life.  I’m Salty, Right?  Why would she want to find an object that defines her if the girl she is is not acceptable?  No wonder she is struggling so hard with this.

I Used to Blow Dry My Hair Straight, Too, Mariana.  It’s Called Time-Management:  These are the moments that I love.  Because Mariana’s hair is not a lost issue, and Lena remains supportive about it, giving Mariana advice from her own experience.

We Have 5 Teenagers/Oh God Bless You!  We Just Have the One:  Hahaha!  I love Theresa!

A Good Basic Case With All the Essentials:  Can’t go to art school without supplies!  

The Article Doesn’t Appear to Quote You or Anyone on the Administration.  It’s Just One Kid’s Opinion, Right?  OMG Lena, I love you!  Also, check out the screencap Tara got of the article in the Sea Breeze!  Love that it cites IDEA and points out what this article says, in part, which is “ If the private...school does not accept any federal funding, then the school is not required to provide accommodations” to students with disabilities.

What Did You Bring to Sketch?/I Think I’m Just Gonna Sketch My New Art Set:  Because nothing says Callie like an art set you got 10 minutes ago... :(

Grace!  Are You Okay?  Are You Hurt?  Why Are You Handcuffed to the Bed?!  Brandon, your reaction to Grace here was, hands down, my favorite part of the episode.  You give me hope for humanity in this moment.

Otherwise, Why Would You Be Here?  I also love Ximena!  There is such a shortage of positive female friendships depicted on TV that I would love to see Callie and Ximena develop one.  But it looks like Ximena’s complimentary question to Callie isn’t sitting quite right...

It’s For This Foster Family That Has, Like 12 Kids.  Some of Them Are Special Needs:  First of all, it seems illegal that one family would have 12 foster kids at once?  And secondly?  Pretty much no one in the disability community likes the term ‘special needs.’  

Since I Got This TBI, People Treat Me Like I’M Special Needs:  So revealing there, Jesus.  I always say, the hardest part about being disabled isn’t the disability, it’s the way we’re treated as inferior.  I imagine that dealing with a sudden disability as Jesus is, that feeling is even stronger.  (And I can’t shake the feeling that the ‘people’ Jesus is referring to is his family.  And honestly, nobody should be treated like they’re less when they’re disabled, especially by family.  It’s bad enough to experience it in general society.)

Having a brain injury is not a bad thing, but it does take some adjustment.  The way Jesus says, “People treat me like I am special needs” is revealing, as Tonia pointed out.  People treat him like a pile of unreasonable demands - like a list of symptoms - instead of as a human being who has a brain injury.

Talk to Your Moms/All They Do is Lie to Me and Keep Secrets.  They Aren’t Going to Tell Me.  So, What Is It? I can’t say I wouldn’t be making the same call Gabe ends up making here...and so far, Gabe is one person whose ableism is at a minimum, and Jesus feels that.  He feels respected by Gabe.  His experience with Moms post-TBI has been that they treat him as less now.  They have lied to him and he doesn’t need anymore of that.  He’s out of the woods, healthwise, he doesn’t need to be ‘protected’ in this manner.

No Longer Funding Any Junior Student’s Senior Projects: Of course you aren’t, Drew...

Did You Talk to My Father?  Robert Quinn?  Oh Lordy, this isn’t gonna end well, is it?  How humiliating for Callie.  Like she needs Robert calling in favors for her to get to audit art school class...

I’m Not Gonna Be a Senior Next Year?/We Don’t Know That, Jesus:  Now Jesus knows, and Stef still won’t give him a straight answer?  Really?  At least tell him what you DO know...

Also, inquiring minds would like to know what IS happening with regard to Jesus and school?  Stef and Lena are both back at work and Jesus is home all day, talking to Gabe as he builds the treehouse.  Lena’s an educator.  School is always on this family’s radar.  Even if Jesus isn’t ready for full days, I’d think a teacher coming to the house for a bit wouldn’t be out of the question.  But school hasn’t even been mentioned by Moms except to say that Jesus is missing a lot, and taking Drew of all people as the expert on post-brain-injury reentry to school.

Jesus, I Need You To Calm Down/No, I Am Not Going To Calm Down/Then You Can Go To Your Room Until You Are Willing To Listen To Me. Now:  

In my opinion, Jesus is not out of bounds or out of control here.  He has a right to be upset, but Stef sends him away.  (Instead of sending Gabe and/or Mariana away so she can have a private conversation with Jesus.)  She tells him to leave until he is willing to listen to her - but Stef is in no way willing to be around his feelings in this moment.

Too often, disabled people are expected to “be nice” in the face of ableism.  And let’s be clear, not telling Jesus about what is going on with his schooling is ableism.  Dismissing Jesus’s current upset?  Also ableism.  

If any of the other kids found out Moms withheld information for weeks about them possibly not being promoted a grade, upset would be an expected reaction.  In Jesus’s case, it is not justified in Mom’s eyes.

I’m Not Going Up There With Him!  Did You See What He Did to Brandon’s Room?  What If He Takes a Baseball Bat to My Head?  Kids learn ableism from their parents...and Stef doesn’t refute Mariana here...  So harmful.  (And also - if Mariana isn’t comfortable going upstairs, the least Stef could do is tell her to go to the living room or something.  Anything so she is not right there when Stef tells Gabe that if he can’t respect Stef and Lena’s authority as the twins’ parents, he’ll have to leave.  Awkward.  And not a conversation for one of the kids to overhear.)

Is This a Bad Time?/Jesus is Up in His Room and I’m Sure He Would Love to See You Right About Now:  Um...  If Jesus is supposed to be being punished or taking a break or whatever, why would you send Emma up there?  (But I have a pretty good idea why.  Disability as a Plot Device, anyone?  Because up until now, Emma was the only person who wasn’t fearful of Jesus.  The choice to send her up there just to witness Jesus throwing things is a conscious choice to continue his ostracization and isolation.  To make sure he has no one to turn to or lean on.  

Notice how this “outburst” comes immediately after being dismissed.  

Also, here is another example of how traditional parenting does not work on kids with traumatic backgrounds.  And a Traumatic Brain Injury is yet another trauma for Jesus to juggle, in addition to his unstable infancy and childhood (until age 8).  Sending Jesus to his room just drives home the fact that he, like Callie, is seen as unacceptable now.   

I Wish I Had Somewhere to Unleash My Beast/You Do.  Your Art:  Jesus, do you hear this?  You and Callie could totally channel all your feelings into art.  That’s what it’s there for, and you’re both good at it.  (I’d actually really like to see this!)

How Did Your Job Interview Go?/I Was Late So I Probably Didn’t Make a Great First Impression:  Yeah, like when your girlfriend calls you with fake emergencies when she KNOWS you have a job interview soon...

Pretty Sure She Was Trying to Have Sex With You/Oh, My God:  I loved this!  Rang so true to me that the adopted kid would totally get what Grace was trying to do with Brandon while Brandon remained innocently oblivious...

I Wanna Try to Be a Senior Next Year, Even If That Means I Have to Go to Summer School/Honey, That’s Really Great to Hear, But Your Senior Project Will Have to Wait Until Then:  Okay but Jesus literally did not say anything about his senior project.  He’s talking about his education right now.  Why does no one take him seriously?  (Oh wait, I know...)

“That’s really great to hear.” What does that even mean?  “That’s really great to hear that you still desire and value an education even though you have a brain injury?” 

It sounds as if that was Lena’s way of possibly skirting the education conversation.   

Because I Got Mad?  Are You Punishing Me?  Of course, it feels like a punishment.

Drew’s Not Funding Any Senior Projects by Juniors/You’re Lying:  Moms, remember Stef’s brilliant take on ‘trust has to be earned?’  I feel like it’s time to work on starting to earn Jesus’s.  Because right now, he can’t trust anything you say, and why should he? 

Also, I’m pretty sure Monte said last episode that Drew isn’t the principal because she hasn’t yet resigned.  So...why is the vote invalid but his word about Jesus’s senior project like signed, sealed and notarized by a judge?)

I Could Probably Get Jesus’s Uncle to Donate/Birth Uncle: This is interesting, because we watched this episode with a friend who adopted her daughter.  And she specifically commented on this scene.  Said she never corrects her daughter when she wonders about her birth mother.  And she felt it was out of place for Moms to correct Gabe here.

I Do Wanna Keep My Senior Project/We Took It to the Dumpster Already:  Ouch, Callie :(

I Didn’t Give Her Any Money, I Just Asked Her to Give You a Chance, But Only If She Believes in You, Which, Obviously, She Does/You Don’t:  Bam.  It’s truth time, by Callie.  And that really is what Robert’s actions communicated.  Instead of helping with her or giving her advice on what to do next, he went behind her back and appealed to the teacher’s pity, and that never feels good.

I Know You All Think That I’m Unacceptable/That’s Not What We Meant/It’s What You Said:  Right, Callie?  And no matter how many other times she is affirmed, those words will be inside her, challenging the love she’s shown.  It’s this thing: anger resonates as the “truest” feeling, while love feels forced.  It’s hard to explain...

When You First Met Me You Told Me I Wasn’t Disposable and I’m Really Trying to Believe That:  We keep track of every single word.

We Don’t Want You to Throw Away Your Past, We Just Want You to Stop Repeating It:  But that might not be entirely in Callie’s control.  How often do we rehash or recreate an aspect of our past in an effort to work through it, or because it feels familiar and that feels safe?  Moms want Callie to feel safe, but safe is new.  And it’s going to take some getting used to.  (Also I’m really glad Lena rescued Callie’s senior project from gettting thrown away.)

So, I’m Not Going to See You Before You Go?/I’m Sorry/I Love--:  Emma’s pulling away so hard and fast.  This sucks.

I really hope that this whole Aggression Is A Symptom storyline does not end up Teaching Jesus A Lesson.

Did Mamas Talk to You About The Treehouse?/I’m Gonna Ask Emma to Do It With Me...If That’s Okay:  Ugh, and the twins aren’t getting along still.  And at this point it seems like working with Emma on the treehouse this year or next is gonna be a bust...

Not being able to connect after an injury is a thing, and I appreciate that it is being depicted.  To add to Tonia’s comment about Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen with them.  He is trying to make things work with his girlfriend while putting Mariana in her place.  We will have to see what happens...

I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Read Fifty Shades of Grey:  Oh, Grace, what a terrible book!

I Don’t Know Where The Keys Are.  I Think They’re Over Here/Okay, I’m Coming:  Hahaha!  Don’t play with handcuffs, Brandon and Grace...or Stef will have to come unlock you...and wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Fearless:  I love Callie showing Ximena her necklace from her mom as her object for her Still Life and I love Ximena’s reaction to it!

Tess/Oh, My God!  Stef!  So, I was in the shower, the morning after this aired, and it occurred to me.  The thing that everybody already knows about who Tess is.  But in case someone hasn’t made the connection.  I realized Tess was Stef’s high school friend who she was cuddling and got caught by Stef’s dad.  Also the reason Stef was sent by her dad to see a priest, who told her being gay was a sin (episode 1x06, I believe.)

For more: Fosters Recaps

[solartranslations]

Debito 5/11: Purple Jewel

She has found out about Debito’s dark wish. In her confusion, where she heads is…

~*Scene: Isis Regalo*~

Coins Guy 7: Here I go! Just like Capo!

Coins Guy 7: …!

Coins Guy 8: What’s with your expression! It doesn’t look like him at all!

Coins Guy 9: …*snickering*

Coins Guy 7: But it’s well received

Coins Guy 10: Only by you

Renato: Welcome…

Rollo: To the Isis Regalo of thrill and desire

Jeremy: Hey, isn’t it Ojou!? You two need to distinguish her from our customers!

Rollo: That’s true, but maybe she came to play today?

Renato: …Really?

Jeremy: Play…?

Jeremy: Does that mean…you made some friends that you came to play with?

Rollo: What? Jeremy, are you asking her to introduce them to you?

Jeremy: That should be fine! I’ve decided to live for a new love!!

Jeremy: But…please tell me if you hear from Milena!

Renato: …*sigh*

Rollo: *laugh*

Beata: Um, is Debito-san here?

Jeremy: Um…Capo didn’t come today

Beata: Oh, I see…

Townswoman: Huh~! Debito-san isn’t here?

(*smile) Jeremy: Then, to make up for it, I can ––

Beata: Um…Renato-san, could you show me around?

Townswoman: Please

Jeremy: Huh…?

Renato: …Mm

Renato: …Please, this way

Jeremy: Damn it! Why does this always happen!

Rollo: Recently, Capo has been absent so it’s always like this

(*sigh) Jeremy: …I’m going to walk around a bit

Rollo: Haha! He’s so funny

Rollo: Oh, right

Rollo: I have a small request for you, Ojou-san…

~*Scene: Forest*~

(*footsteps)

~*Flashback: Isis Regalo*~

Rollo: I’d like you to deliver this letter to our Capo who is skipping work

Rollo: I actually would have liked to go, but I have to stay here today

Rollo: I’ll tell you where he said he would go, so please

~*End Flashback*~

Felicita: …

Felicita: !

(*jump) (*step)

Debito: …*lands*

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned

Person: I don’t want to see anyone

Daily: You were looking for me, right?

Pain: Sleepy…

Debito: Who are looking for while lost in the woods, Bambina?

Debito: If you need directions I can at least tell you the way back…

Debito: *yawn*…

>Are you tired?

(+20 Amore)

>Are you skipping out?

(No Amore)

Debito: …Huh

Debito: Does it look like that to you, Ojou?

Debito: Ha…so even Bambina can tell…

Debito: For me to look indecent of all people…

Debito: …No

Debito: Did the Coins say so?

Debito: Damn…those guys

Debito: Well, it doesn’t matter if they think I’m sleeping here and leaving work to them

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned

Person: You were looking for me, right?

Daily: I didn’t want to be seen like this

Pain: Sleepy…

Daily: Can’t be helped if I’m seen like this

Pain: Sleepy…

Person: I don’t want to see anyone

Debito: So, what do you want?

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned

Pain: Can’t sleep

Person: I don’t want to see anyone

Felicita: …

Debito: Huh?

Debito: ––!!

❤≪Debito≫ Can’t seem to handle it

Person: That old man is so freaking annoying!

Arcana: This is why I can’t sleep

Felicita: !

Debito: Damn it! …For him to…

Debito: *Sigh*…I guess I should tell you then, Bambina…

❤≪Debito≫ Can’t seem to handle it

Arcana: This is why I can’t sleep

Person: I ended up giving Bambina a shock again

Debito: Having been found out partially doesn’t feel too good…

Debito: Hey, did you know?

Felicita: …

Debito: The reason I nap so much is because I can’t control the Tarocco I was made to contract

Felicita: !?

Debito: I didn’t tell you did I, Ojou?

Debito: In my right eye, is an artificial eye made of amethyst refined with alchemy

Debito: This amplifies my Arcana powers

Debito: But, it hurts every night

Felicita: …

Debito: I just want to be released

Debito: …And there’s someone in the way of that

>…With alchemy?

(-20 Amore)

>…You mean Jolly

(-20 Amore)

Debito: Bambina, don’t play dumb

Debito: There’s a guy who uses alchemy that I hate so much I want to kill, right?

Debito: *chuckling*…you remember well

(*smirk) Debito: When I hear you say that name in front of me, I just get more depressed, Bambina

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Debito≫ Seems to be plotting

Pain: Leave behind the feeling that you don’t want to believe it

Arcana: I’m so sleepy

Pain: That letter was an invitation from the old man

Arcana: I’m so sleepy

Debito: I’ve told you before. My power was forced on to me. I didn’t want it, and I don’t want to use it

❤≪Debito≫ Seems irritated

Arcana: I didn’t even need Arcana powers

Pain: This is why I can’t sleep

Person: ???

Debito: It’s just…the price of the power I’ve received is too much for me

Debito: No one in my Serie knows what this power is doing to me

Debito: Among the Family members, only the old man and those close to me know

Debito: Damn, it makes me feel sick…

Debito: Since you’re so perceptive, Bambina, your next question is “why do you obey him then”, right?

Debito: Trading secrets with you like this, is also needed to support my artificial eye

Debito: Even if I want to defy him, the old man’s power gets in the way…

Debito: He keeps showing me the moment I had my artifical eye implanted over and over! I hate it!

Debito: Hahahaha!!!

Debito: Anyone else would be more suited for this

Debito: So. Don’t you think an unwanted power is nothing but resentful?

Debito: You remember too, right Ojou?

❤≪Debito≫ Tarocco

Pain: Even living is too much trouble now

Person: Why do people even need Arcana powers

Arcana: This is why I can’t sleep

Debito: There’s a reason why you were living deep in the island until recently

Debito: –– That would because of the Tarocco’s shackles, right?

Felicita: !?

Debito: Of course, it’s not just that. I don’t have family or siblings, but I still feel like I’ve been made a prisoner

Debito: But, living just means running from death…I guess

Debito: What is the purpose of the Arcana Duello…and for who does it exist for. You want to know too, right Ojou?

Debito: I also want to wipe out all the obstacles here

Debito: I think this is my last chance

>Why do you think this it you’re last chance?

(+20 Amore)

>Are you really okay living like that?

(-20 Amore)

>What will you do after you accomplish your goal?

(+10 Amore)

Debito: Because I can’t see myself after fulfilling my goal…

Debito: This conversation is ridiculous

Felicita: …

Debito: Oh yeah. If you were to stay by my side, Bambina, it wouldn’t be bad

Debito: Who gets to decide whether my decision is good or bad? God? You?

Felicita: …

Debito: Then, I can decide that, right?

Debito: Are you going to say “You can live for me” after that?

Felicita: …

Debito: If you didn’t put any thought behind it, don’t say it

❤≪Debito≫ Seems shocked ❤≪Debito≫ Seems to feel insulted ❤≪Debito≫ Seems shocked

Pain: Last means last

Arcana: I can’t imagine it

Daily: Sleepy…

Person: Are you lecturing me, Bambina?

Pain: Such a pain

Daily: Sleepy…

Arcana: I can’t imagine it though

Pain: Such a pain

Daily: Sleepy…

Debito: In any case, right now there's only one path for me

❤≪Debito≫ Can't seem to handle it

Arcana: I hate everything

Person: Tell me if there’s another way

Daily: Such a pain

Debito: Yes…even though I’ll take risks, I won’t die for my goal…

Debito: …Even if I live a life of shame, I’ll have my revenge…

Debito: Definitely

Felicita: …

>Even though you don’t really want to…

(-20 Amore)

>Even so, I can still care

(-20 Amore)

Debito: …Why do you think so?

Debito: The Signora who visit say that a lot too

Debito: Everyone desperately wants to bury my darkness. Do you too, Bambina?

Debito: You say that so lightly…

Debito: Caring and doing are different things, you know?

Debito: Anyhow, the world beyond your imagination is growing…you know that right?

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Debito≫ Seems to be plotting

Pain: Reality exists whether you like it or not

Love: ???

Link: You’d care…for me…?

Love: ???

Felicita: …

Debito: Oh right…doing that –– is your power, Ojou

❤≪Debito≫ Bambina

Arcana: Did she find out?

Pain: What I think won’t change

Love: ???

Debito: I had planned on hiding this…

Debito: Or is this the result of our Ojou-sama’s growth?

Debito: Anyway, putting any deep meaning in it is no fun

Debito: I don’t want to treat you coldly anymore…

Debito: Please understand, okay…

(*slide)

Debito: If you could just give me some peace…that would be enough

❤≪Debito≫ Can't seem to handle it

Arcana: …Can I deceive you?

Pain: Don’t look at my heart, stay away from me

Love: Only look at me, please stay with me

Debito: If you can’t do that –– then leave me alone

Debito: That’s all

Liberta: Heeeey! Debito!

Liberta: Oh, Ojou’s here too!

Liberta: I finally found you~. Debito, Jolly’s calling for you. You should go!

❤≪Liberta≫ Seems as usual

Place: After I finish delivering this message I want to go out to sea

Daily: Oh, Ojou’s here too!

Debito: Hmph!

❤≪Debito≫ Seems irritated

Pain: That is the last name I want to hear right now

Person: Freaking Foolerta is here

Daily: Such a pain

(*whish)

Liberta: Hey! You almost hit me!!

Debito: Stupid old man…I'll make him realize which one of us is in trouble if my amethyst eye isn’t taken care of

Debito: This is one of the reasons I’m tied to this island

Liberta: What are you talking about?

❤≪Liberta≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Debito≫ Seems to want to run away

Daily: Is he annoyed?

Person: What was he talking to Ojou about?

Person: I could tease him since I’m angry

Daily: Sleepy…

Pain: Such a pain

Debito: Nothing. Don’t interrupt our date

Debito: …Felicita, our chat from before is a secret from everyone, okay?

Felicita: !

Liberta: Huh?

Debito: I’m seriously jealous of the fool’s ignorance

Liberta: You!

Liberta: Ugh…ignore it, ignore it! I won’t go along with you provoking me! I’m growing everyday…!

❤≪Liberta≫ Can’t seem to handle it

Pain: Being told that wasn’t nothing

Person: What was he talking to Ojou about?

Debito: *Sigh*…I know. I’m just angry that you interrupted my secret meeting with Bambina

Liberta: S-s-secret…!? No no no no!!

Liberta: Ojou, are you okay? You weren’t getting teased like I was, right?

Debito: Huh? Like who, did you say?

Liberta: Whoops! My tongue slipped again!

Debito: Instead of doing that, shouldn’t you figure out how to entertain women with conversation?

Liberta: …Ugggh

Liberta: Somehow, I feel like Debito hasn’t been himself lately, am I imagining things?

❤≪Liberta≫ Seems concerned

Person: What was he talking to Ojou about?

Arcana: Debito isn’t a man of the sea, but we’re still part of the same Family

Liberta: I feel like he was calmer before…

Liberta: …Debito, if you’re worried about something ––

Debito: I’m fine

❤≪Debito≫ Seems irritated

Daily: I’m so sleepy

Person: I don’t care if you’re worried

Pain: Such a pain

Debito: Also you interfered with my date. Take responsibility and take Bambina back to the mansion

Debito: It’s the first step to being a good man

Debito: It’ll help you get used to women a little. *laugh*…

Liberta: Didn’t have to say that!

❤≪Liberta≫ Seems concerned

Place: Since I’m mad I should just go out to sea!

Person: What was he talking to Ojou about?

Liberta: Damn it, he’s making fun of me again!

Liberta: Just when I’m worried about him, right!?

Liberta: And he was being weirdly pushy…!

Liberta: …But is he really okay? Debito I mean…

Liberta: …He didn’t look too good

Felicita: *sigh*

~*End of Scene*~

You have one Heart Voice. It can be heard within SPECIAL

(Continue to Common Route May 12)

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