#I need to crush him like a bug I'm so serious it's so bad for me

[phoenxwright]

damn boy what got you blushin 🤨

[our-aroace-experience]

I'm aromatic and that's all I've ever told people I'm probably on the ace spectrum but I've never ever once TOLD a person I was ace. I've identified myself with aro and I'm comfortable in it and my identity but every and I mean EVERY person I've known and told about me being aro will tell others and when referencing me to myself says ace. I had a friend who had many labels and I thought they'd understand that I'm aro not ace cause they used they/them and neopronouns but EVERY AND I MEAN EVERY TIME XE INTRODUCED SOMEONE TO ME They'd say I'm ace.

"oh this is dense she's ace"

"I'm actually aromatic"

"same thing".

"I know your so done hearing me talk about dating people and having crush being ace and all"

"I'm aromatic not ace and it doesn't bug me"

"Okay~"

They said "okay" in a weird way and looking back I think they were trying to make me jealous that I can't love and then didn't believe me when I said I didn't care.

This next instance made me never talk about my identity around or with them ever again.

"happy birthday!!!!!"

"I'm finally legal let's GOOOO!"(I just turned AOC)

"don't make jokes about you having sex it make me uncomfortable cuz your ace"

"I'm not ace I'm aro and you know that and you make sex jokes at me all the time and make them with others I can make sex jokes if I want"

"well I don't like it and it's the same thing. you know your just a little baby in my mind which makes it weird hearing you say that and your my best friend so I don't want to think of you with others.

I ghost xem after but reading that almost make me puke. IM, ME AM NOT ALOUD TO MAKE SEX JOKES CUZ U SEE ME AS A BABY CUZ YOU THINK IM ACE AND SEX REPULSED, FUCK YOU.

Another thing is my family, we're a very open family having no problems with pronoun or name changes or being gay the only problem is my aunt married a conservative American

My younger cousin maybe 8 at that point made a gay dating joke after my aunt said something about boys maybe to impress me since I'm 8 years older then him and I told nah that's not me I'm aromatic which means I don't like boys or girls my aunt chimed in saying "we don't need to be talking about this with HIM, he doesn't need to now this "I told her "he is the one that brought it up so he obviously knows and just like how you talk about girls dating boys I could talk about me not dating anyone it makes no difference especially when he is making innuendos. Wait have you even had sex Ed?" "No" he replied, then my oh so fun chimed in saying "he's too young for sex ed it's good he hasn't had in it." "No I'm more surprised he hasn't had sex ed it's important he should have it." "No he's too young" "remember how I was sexually assaulted when I was six and I had no clue what happened to me until I had sex Ed and was told that it was bad and to tell my parent them told my mom and got help do you want him oblivious if it happened to him" "it's different." "How?" He stopped talking and went outside I asked my cousin is he wanted to play Minecraft he said yes so we did that but a few hours later to the bathroom my aunt grabbed me and asked if I was serious about was I said about boys and girls I told her "yes I'm aromatic and don't like boys or girls or anyone like the opposite of being bi." "Are you sure maybe you just haven't met the right person"(I was kinda floored by this she would've said that if I said I like girls) "yes I'm sure I'm seventeen and have never have a crush or ever wanted to be with someone" "but what if one day you fall in love" "and what if one day aliens take over the planet it's possible but I'm not going to bother myself thinking about it." "Well I just don't want you trapping yourself in this label stopping yourself from liking someone." "I never have and probably never will like someone but if magically one day I do I won't stop myself does that sound good to you?" "Yes".

I just love negotiating my identity to keep people happy I've had that exact talk maybe 11 times now and im so done with it, I'm known for my patience explaining sexuality stuff to my older family cause I know their just curious but please stop checking in to see if I've change my sexuality like a clown fish I'm so done.

This was mostly a long rant but I just wanted it out there and to leave it on a good note my mom loves me for who I am and makes fun of my family and people who just can't get it through their head that I'm not going to ever date someone I'm her star child with no drama ✨ which I always find funny.

Love to all that have a hard time with it I love you and your valuable and valid

i’m so sorry to hear about your friends and family, you mum sounds lovely!

[solradguy]

So if the entire GG Cast had animal ears, who do you think would be each animal and why?

You can ask me what I think their fursonas would be, it's ok. I'm just gonna do Strive or I'll never finish writing this haha

Sol gets cat ears. He wants to be a dog so bad but he's a cat. Sorry Sol but you're cranky and love people anyway and that's catman behavior

Ky would have wolf ears. Wolves can be beautiful and majestic but Ky is a machine in battle and is a good leader. Him and his squad will destroy anything they need to like a pack of wolves.

Jack-O' would be a colugo, I think. They're these sort of stubby-tailed squirrel-like animals with webbing around their arms and legs that lets them glide from tree to tree. They're also kinda green!! Colugo are very cool. Anyway, they're weird and silly and bendy. Jack-O' animal.

Chipp is a squirrel. I see the little grey and black squirrels around here jumping around and climbing on shit and I'm like "Yeah, Chipp behavior"

Potemkin is tricky hmm... Maybe a buffalo? He's big and lumbering and just wants to chill but he'll fuck shit up with his giant horns if he has to. I'm getting lost in the image of him being big and fluffy...

I don't have an explanation for this but I want Nago to have a bat motif so badly. Not in a vampire way like Slayer though, more like one of those flying foxes with the cute little ears and big ol eyes. I love them.

I wish I knew Gio better because all I can think is "dog" but that feels like a cop-out lol

Goldlewis would be a dog too but like a St Bernard with big floppy ears. St Bernards don't get angry easy, but they're so big I don't want to see one ready to throw down. I think a St Bernard could juggle me across the room and crush my guts like a bug on the wall.

Testament would be a cat but one of those really classy sleek black cats with a lithe build. I don't know the breed name but Testament is always talking about baths and probably loves to be pampered like a fancy cat.

Bridget would have hamster ears. Look at those squishy little cheeks. Hamster girl.

Sin is a PUPPY he eats EVERYTHING and he's SILLY. Give him the floppy baby half-wolf ears he deserves

I-no would have lion ears. Female lions are very fierce but efficient hunters but they've also got a bit of an attitude.

Baiken is another tricky one. Maybe a hyena? Spotted hyenas especially have a very interesting relationship with gender and the females are quite masculine. They also get mischaracterized a lot, similarly to Baiken... Spotted hyenas live in groups but they can also be pretty independent and are capable of some wild stuff, like having one of the strongest bite strengths amongst mammals and being able to eat bones. I think Baiken would eat bones if she had to.

Ram is pretty cat coded too but I don't think she'd be a house cat. Maybe something like a caracal? They're charismatic but they're still large cats. I wouldn't want to fight a caracal, it'd bite my arm off.

Zato is an interesting one. A lot of the cast has at least a bit of an underlying animal motif but Zato really doesn't... Zato would have luna moth antennae. Luna moths, once they enter their moth stage, don't have mouths and can't eat. They're doomed to die the second they crawl out of their chrysalis, like how Zato was doomed to die the second he summoned Eddie.

Millia would have a feathery crest like a bird even though she also has some cat motifs in Strive. Birds kill and eat moths. I don't know what kind of bird though. Horned owl?

Axl has labrador retriever energy. Sort of silly/relaxed by default but those dogs can get serious when they work.

Faust... Hmm... God I honestly have no idea haha Faust is really in like his own little category, I have no clue what to file him under. He kinda has this indescribable frog energy but those don't have ears in a traditional sense lol

Leo is leo. Another cop-out answer but the man's a lion through and through haha

Anji is so pretty, he's another bird. Like one of those ones where the males have an elaborate mating dance lol Maybe he'd have a peacock crest.

May would have bunny ears. She's kinda round and adorable but rabbits are a little crazy haha They'll bite you!! But they don't like getting wet so maybe making her a rabbit is oxymoronic rofl

[chuuyanaurkahara]

okay, i know almost everyone in the hollow knight fandom headcanons Hornet as a lesbian, but hear me out.

Hornet x Zote.

No, no, no, don't leave, just trust me, okay?

At first it was just a funky crack ship for me but oh my god. the dynamic. we have this very competent fighter who happens to be a demi-god and the princess of the kingdom and then we have... whatever Zote is.

Hornet is serious. She is strong. She is a competent fighter. She can keep up to her words with her talent.

Zote is...Zote. He is a cringe little bug with no real talent. He lies his way through everything with his little words. His ego is bigger than all of Hallownest.

But most importantly, he is very stubborn.

If something doesn't work out, he'll just try again, no matter for how often.

So let's imagine this. Zote is wandering through Hallownest and sees this spider-like bug fight with such grace, it is impossible to look away. That bug is strong and fights the enemy with ease. And here's the thing; it's a woman. Zote would be blown away, if he wasn’t the greatest knight to already exists, y'know. And while he might not say it, he admires her. He is enchanted by her techniques, her agility, everything.

So he follows her. To learn these skills of course, he would never be in love with such a simple, lesser bug.

And slowly, he starts to realise that he might have a crush on this bug. So Zote tries to flirt with her. Emphasis on 'tries'. He's bad at it, of course. Usually all the ladies come swarming to him not. And Zote tries, and tries and tries.

After a while, Hornet warms up to him. She even admires him for his determination. Of course she would never say that, especially about such simple and lesser bug.

Like, imagine this:

Zote: Hey girl, are you lifeblood, 'cus I need you right now ;)

Hornet: ...

Zote: No, fr, I am dying, do you have spare?

What I'm trying to say is that we should ship this more. C'mon, it's right here. Cringefail husband x Badass wife.

[kimarisgundam]

My character trying to keep her crap together and not go apeshit and commit PvP murder:

One day. One day I will lose my crap, and my character will lose her crap because of me. And I will shoot our party's Rockerboy in his sleep. I'M GONNA RANT

Don't try me. You gave me the keys to your apartment cos we are chooms (thanks for letting me stash my err... Samurai merch in your house!)

I will come over when you're asleep.

And I'll make it look like you unalived yourself.

I'm just so annoyed at my friend sometimes. What she's doing is really in character But does she have to be sooo in character?

I know this is Cyberpunk not DnD, but does she need to lean into her character's flawed personality so much?

Everytime my Netrunner and her Rockerboy take one step forward in their friendship, he will do sometimes that will bazooka blast their friendship back 5 steps

Me and the Solo are trying to fix your pathetic excuse of a love life. You cycle through 3 girlfriends a month cos you can't be faithful. You don't think that there's something wrong with you???

We genuinely thought our Rockerboy was serious about his latest ex, so instead of doing a role side gig for eddies, we went on an "adventure" to find his ex and ask her to come back

Everything was going great. I felt good cos I'm finally doing something nice for my choom, since he's always the one doing nice stuff for me. I wanted to repay him for sharing his "dream" via that Braindance with me >:T

Our Solo was so keen to help too cos he's our party's baby and he idolises our Rockerboy. Our Solo is the only one who still believes dreams can come true in Night City. Do you have to screw up in front of him everyday?

I can't believe I got his ex to come back and he cheated on her?? And he tried to deny it but I caught his lie cos I passed the check and I bugged him >:T

Like dude, why do you have to undermine everything I do for you. I bribe to get you out of prison, you bomb a Militech truck the next day. I get your ex to come back, you cheat on her the next day

And this gonk has the audacity to say "I never asked you to bring her back, I don't even like her". Ok. Then why did you date her omg?!

You like her right?! Isn't this why you showed up to our group's job drunk?? Isn't it cos you're upset she left you?! I keep asking you what's wrong but you won't tell me >:U ! If I'm really your best friend, you'd tell me >:U

I know you are capable of being nice cos you do things that genuinely warms my Netrunner's ice cold heart sometimes. CAN YOU PUT THAT EFFORT INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR GF. Why am I fixing everything for you??

And don't frigging come at me with your "corps are bad. You are bad for working for suits" nonsense when you are just as big of a mess as me >:U

And yeah, maybe my character has a crush on our party's suit. Can you don't ruin that for me?! Can you just stick to ruining your own love life?!

I swear if this was irl I will drop this friend. No way my best friend is like this irl. I can't deal with this. I bet my friend is enjoying driving me over the edge with her character >:U

[leggerefiore]

The line in your catman Nanu fic about the "Ispod mix neighbor " had me perking up because I love me some weird bug monsters and I love me some Guzma so if you ever need a sign that someone would like to read something about dating this, now literal bug man? *gestures at post* me. I'm the sign.

all the guzma thirst and I've never even properly written for him haha

read about ispod behaviours to help aid in this. interesting little crustaceans.

cw: mentions of abuse, a monster bf

💀Golisopod Hybrid Guzma🕶

□ His bad posture is now a feature rather than a bug, Guzma is a frightening Golisopod that's often spotted going between Po Town and the waters on Route 15 to rehydrate. His body is covered in grey scales as seen on a Golisopod, while some extra limbs are out from his arms on his torso. His eyes are entirely black with a star pupil, just as the crustacean has. Long, black claws are on the ends of his hands.

□ As mentioned before, he needs to hydrate often, or he faces a risk of dying. It’s amazing what a graceful swimmer he is when he takes to the water, but it's rare to actually catch him in it. He prefers to hide under the water as to not deal with unwanted attention. It's there, he finds himself with Wimpods. Nothing seems to dare approach the isopods, while Guzma watches over them. A few even come home with him and are kept around his room.

□ He created Team Skull to give unwanted hybrids a place to call home and get away from whatever abuses they may face back at their places of living. Guzma came from a home like that, a Crabominable father and a human mother. Well, his mother actually had a distant ancestor who was a Golisopod hybrid. Of course, his father didn't believe that when he was born and resented his very existence from that day. It was crushing to have his father ignore him, no matter how hard he tried to catch his attention and be mocked whenever his natural instinct to flee kicked in. Guzma wants to help people get out of the situation he grew up in.

□ You were a traveller to Alola, sightseeing around on an extended holiday, when some punk Rattata hybrid stole your wallet. You rushed after him to some creepy abandoned town. Under any other circumstances, you would have turned away, but your wallet had your ID and papers in it to leave the region after your holiday ended. The Persian hybrid cop you passed on your way there didn't seem very reliable, either. You barged inside. Immediately challenged to battles, you brawl yourself through until you found their boss.

□ You stared at him while he sat on some “throne” he looked at his laptop. Various bottles of alcohol sat on a nearby shelf, while graffiti was all over the room. A Golisopod hybrid. “Wow, you're actually kind of hot?” You say without much thought. He grins at that. Thanks to your unfiltered thought escaping you, you're able to sweet talk him into getting your wallet back with most of your cash left in there. Of course, you still hang around the house for a moment to get to know the 'big bad boss' better.

□ You go back to the dilapidated place often. Guzma is interesting company to say the least, his entertainment factor is unbelievable. You sit on his bed and watch him order around grunts, but it's never serious, scary orders. It's always things like “go make sure so-and-so is alright” or “we need some cash, so see if you can 'find' some”. You notice that all the members of Team Skull are hybrids pretty quickly. Lots of Rattata, Zubat, Grimer, Ekans, and Spinarak hybrids. The admin, Plumeria, was a Salazzle hybrid. You felt a bit out of place as the only human around, but Guzma assured you that you were fine and 'not one of those bad humans'.

□ It isn't long until you start a casual relationship with the hybrid. Guzma's easy enough to get along with and seems keen on keeping you around. It's a chill relationship characterised mostly by just hanging out in Po Town or walks around different places in Ula'Ula Island. You also join him for his water trips and laugh when you see him up to his shoulders in water. It's funny until he sprays you with water. Then you're playfully fighting him. He wins, but you get a free tour of the ocean with his help. He even shows you some of the Wimpods. One lets you pet them and you about gasp. Guzma doesn't tell you he told the little guy to let you, but his smug smirk sure gives it away.

□ You find yourself enamoured with his shell, and you often have a hand touching it and enjoying its coolness. Guzma groans and says it feels like you're touching teeth. He doesn't stop you, however. Now, when you touch his stomach or anywhere sensitive, you catch him trying to curl up into a ball and giggle. This results in him trying to get you back by tickling you. His extra limbs get involved, and you hate him for those moments. He's pompous afterwards, arms crossed and staring at your flustered expression with an unsavoury look.

□ Team Skull leaves you alone for the most part, respecting your relationship with their boss, but that doesn't mean other people do. You were relaxing on the beach while he rehydrated in the water when a guy approached. He kept pestering you about a date and for your phone number. Your polite declines failed, and he only became more persistent. As you tried to move away from him, he grabbed at your arm. Just as he was about to speak again, he let you go. You were pulled into a soaking wet body, six sets of limbs coming around you, and heard growling. Guzma glared down at the man from behind you. Upon seeing the giant, angry Golisopod, he rushed away. Guzma kept you at his side for the remainder of that day, holding you to him in his bed.

□ When it's time for you to finally return home from your holiday, you've basically started living in Po Town. Your flight is missed as you lay comfortably cuddled into your isopod hybrid boyfriend's chest. His clawed hands play with your hair as he hums slightly. “I surprised you ain't scared of me still,” he admits, “No idea how ya find me hot.” You laugh and press a kiss to his lips. It remains for a moment too long before you pull away. “A big, bad man with built-in armour, who could resist, Guz?” You joke, “You only pretend like you're some bad guy. Right now, you're acting like a teddy bear.” You squeeze him tighter to punctuate your words. He chuckles and pulls you closer. “You say that now, but how will you feel when my cycle starts?”

You freeze.

His what?

[chibinekochan]

I'm curious how the boys would react when they try to flirt with MC kinda like :"There's someone who likes to go on a date with you". But MC reply was :" nah, dating is annoying" (sorry my English is bad)

I get what you mean. My english isn't great either. I'm fluent but grammar is still a big mystery to me.

Asmodeus

After some less than subtle flirting between you two. 

Asmo just says nonchalantly. "Hey, there is someone that would love to go on a date with you." 

It's very obvious to everyone, but you, that he refers to himself. 

You laugh. "No thank you. Dating is annoying."

Asmos's face falters for a moment, slightly disappointed. 

Then he catches himself. "You are right. Let's just skip the date and get right to the action." 

Well, who needs dates anyway? 

Mammon

You are joking around with some friends, including Mammon. 

The topic of dates comes up. 

Mammons ears perk up. 

One of your friends says, while glancing at Mammon:" You know there is someone who wants to date you right?" 

You don't get who they mean and just brush it off. "Dating is so annoying, no thank you."

Mammons' heart shatters, you could probably hear it breaking. 

He has a hard time keeping it together. 

It only would have been worse if you would date someone else. 

Mammon calls it a night very soon after that. 

You are a bit worried, since he did seem a bit down. 

You text him later to figure out what happened. 

You: Hey, did anything happen? 

Mammon: Nope, everything is alright. 

You: Mammon! 

Mammon: Alright...it's just, you know, did you mean that about dating? 

You: Mammon you know that I only would date one guy. 

Mammon: Who is it? I will punch him! *angry emoji*

You: You have to punch yourself then. 

Mammon: Wait you mean ME?! 

You: Of course, or do you think I just go around kissing random guys? Now move your butt over here and I will show you. 

Mammon: Alright, just gimme a sec. 

Mammon is over the moon. 

Leviathan

You play some online games with him. 

You are together in the same guild and currently in a raid with some team members. 

You all use voice chat and then the conversation somehow ends up being about dating. 

Everyone and their cat knows at this point that Levi has a huge crush on you, well even you are a bit suspicious at this point but you don't mean to pressure Levi. 

Your mates, on the other hand, keep teasing the poor guy. 

One of them asks you. "You know there is someone who wants to date you."

You somehow assume they mean themselves. 

"Dates are annoying." You say this just to brush them off. You had no idea that Levi was even listening. 

Levi did hear it and honestly it breaks his heart. 

He had slowly built up his confidence to ask you out on a date. There goes that plan. 

After your game session you meet up with Levi in his room and you have already planned this ahead of time. 

Once you arrive you notice that Levi seems a bit down. 

You won't let him be mopey. 

"Levi did something happen to you?" 

"Not really." Levi is unusual tight-lipped. Very unusual for him. 

"Come on, you know you can tell me everything." You feel very concerned. 

Levi sighs, he can't hide anything from you. "It's not a big deal. I just kinda overheard something earlier and well it kinda bugs me."

"Did someone tease you again? I swear, I'm gonna kick them!" You grow protective over your demon boy. 

Levi is flustered that you would go this far for him. 

"I can deal with that on my own, regardless of how amazing that would be to see. I mean it's well... what you said about dates…"

Now you understand and grin. 

"Ah, I see you heard that. Don't worry Levi, that was just directed at anyone but you." You give him a small wink. 

Levi becomes very red. "You are such a tease, you know that, right?" 

"Only as long as you give me such reactions." You tease some more.

Levi plays with his headphone cable, then he summons all of his strength. 

"So you would go on a date with me?" He is hesitant to ask but this is the perfect chance. 

You give him a huge smile. "Of course. I thought you would never ask." 

Leviathan is very happy to hear this. He is proud that he finally asked, despite your teasing. 

Lucifer

You are with him and the rest of his brothers in the living room. 

Chatting about this and that. Nothing too important. 

Then the topic of dates comes up. 

Of course it does, it always does. 

Honestly, you are sick of it. 

You don't know it, but Lucifer perks up when one of them asks you. 

"Well, you know there is someone that is interested in dating you." 

You don't know who they mean but frankly you are tired of just playing along. 

Lucifer is ready to jump in if you feel uncomfortable. 

You just coldly reply. "No thank you, dating is annoying." You just want to end this whole conversation. 

Lucifer looks at you, of course you would say something unexpected like this. 

He notices that his brothers just keep joking as always. Typical really, but at least they don't bug you. 

Later you leave to return to your room. 

Then you notice Lucifer. 

"So dating is annoying?" Lucifer has a smug expression. 

"Well, not if the one I'm dating is you of course."

You smile back at your boyfriend. 

"They are always like this you know that."

"I know and I don't mind. I know you have my back."

"Of course. I love you after all." Lucifer looks at you, with love in his gaze. 

"I love you too." 

You both kiss and then you go to bed. 

Satan

He happens to overhear a conversation between you and a classmate. 

Satan doesn't want to snoop but he is curious. 

"Is there someone who wants to date you?" Your classmate asks you. 

You roll your eyes. "I have no interest in dating." You just brush your classmate off. 

Your classmate doesn't press any further and soon enough the conversation is elsewhere. 

Not wanting to be caught listening to your conversation Satan goes to his room. 

He feels a bit frustrated after hearing that. 

Satan wonders if he should bring it up to you or not. 

Were you serious or not? This question bothers him. 

Later you come to his room, you had scheduled to study with him tonight. 

Satan seems very distracted by something. 

"Is something bothering you Satan?" You worry about him, you think there must be something that is on his mind. 

"Well not bothering per se. It's more of a nagging feeling."

"That's kinda the same thing isn't it?" 

"I suppose. You know I just been thinking about dates and I wonder if you are up for it?" 

"You mean dating in general or dating you, Satan?" 

"Well that depends on your answer."

You think for a moment and guess what he wants to ask. "I'm not generally interested, unless it's you we are talking about."

"Would you date me?" Satan has no choice but to ask you directly. 

"Yes of course Satan." 

You both smile and are glad that it has finally been asked. 

Beelzebub

You talk about something random with the other brothers. 

The topic of dates comes up. 

It's no big secret that Beelzebub likes you, everyone knows. 

He just hasn't admitted it to himself quite yet. 

One of the brothers decides to ask you anyways. "Hey, you know there is someone who would love to date you."

Obviously thinking it's about them and not Beel you reply. "It's not going to happen. Dating is annoying."

Hearing this just doesn't sit right with Beel. 

It bothers him for some reason. 

It's your turn to cook tonight, naturally Beel helps you out. 

The conversation from earlier is still on his mind. 

You notice that Beelzebub seems a bit off. 

"Is there something that is bothering you?" 

Beelzebub is still trying to figure everything out so he just tells you what is on his mind. "I don't know but I feel a bit off since earlier."

"Are you getting sick? When did you start feeling off?" 

Beelzebub thinks for a moment. "I don't think I'm getting sick, it happened earlier when we all were talking in the living room."

"Hmmm maybe something upset you then?" 

Beelzebub goes over everything that has been said. Nothing seems to stand out at first glance but then he recalls the first moment he started to feel off. 

Then it suddenly hits him. 

"Ah, I get it now. I felt upset because you said you wouldn't want to date. Alright I feel better already. " Beelzebub feels relieved now that he figured it out. 

You almost stop breathing after hearing this. 

"Wait, hold on a second. Why would that upset you?" 

"That's because I want to date you of course, well I guess I won't now." Beelzebub accepts this so matter of fact that it takes you back. 

You are surprised to say the least. You take a breath to calm down. "I only said that to get them off my back. I would date you of course Beel."

"Are you sure about that?" 

"Yeah, of course. I really like you Beel. I mean why else would I draw ketchup hearts on all of your food?" 

Beelzebub nods. "That's a good point. Let's 

date then." 

Beel beams at you and you smile at him. 

Belphegor

You sit together when he brings the topic of dates up. 

"You realize that someone wants to date you right?" 

You know him long enough to figure that he is only teasing you. "So what? Dating is super annoying." You declare with a winning smile. 

Belphie pouts a bit, not getting the reaction he intended. 

"So you aren't interested?" He keeps poking. 

"Nope, not at all."

"Not even if the demon is really handsome and really into you?" Belphie smiles smugly. 

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh where, is this handsome demon? When can I meet them?" You won't play Belphies games. 

He shakes his head. "You don't know?" 

"I have no idea who you are talking about." You know that he is only playing with you. 

"Really? Are you blind? I mean you must know." Belphie keeps pouting, seemingly annoyed. 

"I won't know unless you tell me."

"You are no fun tonight." Belphie turns his pout up to 11.

"Fine, I will bite. It's you isn't it?" You roll your eyes, knowing that he will just tease you. 

Belphie smiles. "Yes, it's me. You get 5 points and win a date with yours truly."

Somehow you find this kinda cute, in his own way he is trying. 

"You know you can just ask me on a date but fine I will accept my price."

Belphie is satisfied with this outcome.

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[idjitlili]

Hey there, Mr blue sky

Thorin x reader

Summary:Imagine being apart of the company and accidently throwing a dagger only for it hit Thorin.

Word count: 2092

Warnings:swearing.

IT was no lie that you felt immediately attracted to Thorin Oakenshield,when Gandalf had brought you to the prancing pony ,to meet the Dwarven king. However due to your luck ,he was a total jerkface straight away.  You knew your chances finding love was too good to be true ,so you hid those feelings,got on with the quest.

The company seemed to like you,apart from Thorin and partly Dwalin,you didn't expect any of them to like you,due to being a woman. Until Balin had explained to you that darrowdam,were rare ,hence making them overly protective of their woman. Which led them to be over you,you did need it ,you weren't a very skilled fighter.  The only reason Gandalf had forced you into this comapny was because apparently you needed get out of the house ,go on an adventure learn some people skills,this was a once in a life time ooportunity. So you joined ,even if Thorin did not like it.

Anways ,you became friends with Thorin's nephews,Fili and Kili pretty quickly ,and they had even offered to train you,with archery and daggers. ili would train you with daggers one day,then archery with KIli another,as the next day would be hand combat in which they both would do that with you.Over just a week you had gotten considerable better ,apparent. However throwing the daggers was not going well,that leads you to today,Fili had been incouraging you to hit the knot on a piece of fabric ,which was wrapped around the tree.

Unknowningly to you at this point Thorin had went into the forest to go for a wee ,you and Fili were also in the forest training. Throw ,after throw ,you failed to throw the dagger into the tree and for it stick into the wood. Fili had stood next to you,showing you how to do it another time,not willing to let you or him give up in you. "y/n ,just imagine its some you really want to stab,they have really bugged you, like when kili pushed you into that lake fully clothed," you knew exactly who to think of.

Thorin hadn't stopped biting at you,telling you piss home,bloody burden,damsel in distress, useless the list goes on.He really got on your nerves and words hurt ,clearly he didn't care.

He really should have thought of the effect of his words.

With Fili's words of advice ,you had launched the knife ,only for it go straight passed the tree ,landing embedded into something else. YOu had sighed in defeat ,as Fili had patted your back ,only to be interrupted by.

"AHHHH aHHH" you and Fili had looked at each other ,with looks of horror on your faces,you had hit someone..not another tree. You knew that voice..."Thorin?" you had questioned,"Don't you come over here! MY cock is out!" You didn-t listen ,you and Fili had rushed to Thorin who was 20 feet away! ONce you had reached him his cock was away thank god,but he had the dagger embedded into his shoulder. Blood soaking his tunic you had gasped,making him turn to you both with unimpressed look. "DArn y/n ,you couldn't hit a tree,but you managed to hit uncle,woah." you had coughed awkwardly,as Thorin stared daggers into you.

"You told me to think about someone who has really pissed me off I swear the valar heard me ,uh because yeah." you had tried to make a joke ,but you were completely serious,you did not mean for Thorin to get harmed,if anything it was his fault ,don't be a dickhead ,don't get karma.You had looked at Fili ,motioning your head for him to leave ,as Thorin been focusing on the knife in his shoulder,Fili had sent you a smile before leaving back to camp,you had rushed over to THorin.

"I'm so sorry Thorin,I was just trying to learn to defend myself,so that I wouldn't be such a burden to the company! I can barely get the dagger to stick in the bark,but no I fucking fucking get it stick into your shoulder,I never meant for it to-" he had interrupted ,as he pulled the dagger from his arm with ease,before placing his hands on your shoulders,looking deep into your e/c eyes,with his ocean ones.

"Y/n ,I am not dead ,It was an accident,you have no need to worry. However you need to work on your aim." you had slightly smiled at the king,"you really need to get Oin,to check that out ,you are bleeding everywhere." he had chuckled ,leading you back to camp.

He had felt more gulity than you ,he had understood what you said ,about him pissing you off,he didn't realise how you had took it to heart,he just didn't want the death of a young woman on his hands ,knowing this quest will most definitely cause harm. Bruh it just happened,poor Thorin's arm.

Soon enough Thorin was patched up,but then the teasing started ,mostly from Kili.

"Too bad you missed."

Yeah thats what the company heard,but in secret the brothers would tease you ,about your crush for their uncle,not that you would admit its true. On the walk to Rivendell ,in which only Gandalf knew ,they would purposely trip you up,or push you into Thorin.  However it horrible ,as you you pull them down with you ,it was just a mess. But they did catch you eventually ,only to fall down a hill,you got stratched to pieces.

Thorin had been at the front ,so naturally he had helped you up, and since you were beyond annoyed you had told Thorin that his nephews had caused your fall. You knew they would get in trouble,due to having Bilbo along with many of the dwarves as a witness. Thankfully Thorin hadn't gone to harsh on the boys ,but they knew what was done was wrong ,the damsel in distress act wasn't going to work.

Anyways soon you all ended up in Rivendell,your hair was a state ,sticks and muds all through ,due to your fall. Not to mention the hill was at least 80 feet and rocky ,so you were covered in cuts and brusies. You were all fed dinner by Lord Elrond,which you must of scoffed down,you had liked the elves,come on thet fed you food. After that you had been led to your room ,on a tour with the rest of the dwarves ,by Lindir ,the elf that had greeted you all at your arrival. The dwarves had refused rooms ,but you had accepted the offer almost instantly.

Soon as you had went in your room ,you began running a bath,whilst you had tried to brush your hair,you must've been trying for at least half an hour ,because you had stopped the bath ,hair brush stuck in your hair ,as your door knocked loudly. You had pulled the navy silk robe over your slip,tying it before rushing over to the door ,opening it to reveal,the dwarvish king.

"Thorin?" you had whispered after standing in the door way,as he stared at you,well your hair. You were surprised that he had turned up at your room.

"oh..I just came to check on you,that fall was harsh " thats literally all you said,you had opened the door ,to allow him in before shutting it. You had scoffed,"thats an understatement, have you seen what it caused?" you had pointed up to your hair,he had chuckled lightly,making his hair move slightly,shinning in the orange light from the sunset from your window. His hair was god damn sexy.

"would you want to brush it for you?" he had asked ,gently ,as you both stood in the middle of the floor ,not far from the door. You had nodded eagerly ,moving to sit on the edge of the bed facing the wall,so that Thorin could stand behind you. Surprisingly it didn't take him long at all to remove the brush,sticks and leaves ,before brushing gently at your tangled hair. His thick fingers ,gliding down the strands every so often ,making chills travel down your spine.  Soon enough he was down ,you had jumped over the bed hugging him ,only for him to grunt slightly as you knocked his shoulder,yet he had still wrapped his arms around your waist.

You quickly pulled away,when you had realised. "How is your shoulder?" you had questioned gulitily,he had just looked at you with the same scowl."I don't know,I didn't show Oin." he had stated simply,your eyes went wide,mostly in annoyance. "Take your tunic off now!" you had demanded ,raising your voice ,louder than ever ,bro you knew how that sounded,but you didn't want his wound to get infected and he to die from the infection. He had taken the tunic that match the colour of your robe off,in one swift motion,blood gapping down his arm ,and large dagger wound on his shoulder.

You had shoved in down on the bed,before running to the bathroom to get a wet flannel,and to your bag to get your sewing kit. He didn't have a second to protest as you were already on the bed next to his shoulder wiping away the dry and running blood ,how was he even alive? Before Thorin knew it you were stitching him up,like a tear in a pair of trousers. "For a king you are a bloody idiot," you scowled at Thorin ,who just sent you a smirk "yet ,you didn't go to Oin either ,did you?" as you finished the last stitch before wiping away the last of the blood.

"you are not sleeping outside in the cold ,your majesty,even if you are dickhead,you are going to bath,then you are going to sleep in that bed, whilst I bath ,then I will sleep on the other side,okay?" you had sassed ,pulling the king up and pushing him to the bathroom door,before going to sit on the bed and reading.

Finally when you were able bathe,wait you need to know how good Thorin had looked with wet hair,and a towel. Damn the candle light glittered a yellow light on the water driplets on thorin bare muscular chest. His hair curly ,flowing down his back like a cloak. "I snuck passed the company,and brought your clothes." you had pointed to the bag at the end of the bed,hung on the frame. "Thank you,the bath is almost refilled ,you should bath quick ,so you can get a good nights sleep." you had just sent a smile to Thorin,who's eyes softended at the sight of you,before you rushed to get clean.

You had gotten into bed in your large sleeping tunic and short underwear , a far distance from Thorin,who only wore the same. Only to wake laying literally on top of Thorin,who had his arms wrapped tightly around you ,his chin resting on the top of your head. You decided pretending to be asleep would have to do ,in hopes Thorin would just shove you off him,or something ,but what you wasn't expecting was him to kiss the top of your  hair.

In which in response to that you had sat up quickly straddling him,cupping his cheeks ,therefore leaning down to press your lips to his ,before pulling away to see the king blushing and smiling slightly. ONly to be interrupted by multiple knocks,you had mouthed to Thorin 'Hide under the bed.' indeed he did ,before you rushed over to the door ,opening it to see Kili and fili.

"Hey y/n, have you seen-"" don't you hey me so godsake ,you pushed me down the hill,trying to get Thorin to caught me,but guess what? It only caused me to bruise not only my breast ,but my bloody moose ," and with that you shut the door on Thorin's nephews.

Turning back to see Thorin,smirking from the floor.

"Just you wait until they start calling you auntie."

"dont you even."

[headoverjojo]

Since the ask box is open can I request a headcanon or scenario with La Squadra discovering their crush's habit of rubbing their wrist when nervous or sad and when they confront them about it they see scarification scars on their wrist? (I have this habit of rubbing them when I'm nervous as I am feeling a sort of phantom pain in them) Sorry if it's too specific and feel free to ignore it if your not comfortable with it

Hello there, darling! Don’t worry, it was fine :3 I hope I have handled this topic with the needed care! Here we go, so!

La Squadra di Esecuzione finds out their crush’s habit of rubbing their wrist when they’re nervous or sad and they confront their crush about it

(Under the cut for length!)

Risotto Nero

Risotto had to deal with grumpy and, mostly, discrete assassins, at least concerning their private life and habits. He had to learn how to interpret their unconscious signals and to understand when they were sick, or had some private issues going on that could jeopardize their missions. So, it was just a matter of time before he noticed his s/o’s constant habit. No… it wasn’t constant, he observed; they did it just in some occasions. He started to be more attentive to them and what was happening when they had that “tic”, if it could be called so: it seemed that they acted like that when they were under a huge amount of stress… well, while it could be a way to relieve their stress, it wasn’t a healthy way, and the fact they always kept their wrists covered was the proof of it. He couldn’t shrug this off: he had to talk to them about it.

At night, when they were finally alone and the “boys”, so his s/o affectionately called the other assassins, were sleeping, he confronted them about it. He sat in front of them, and asked them if there was something that was bugging them. Almost instantly, they started to mindlessly rub their wrists, saying that no, there was nothing out of the norm. Risotto just sighed, putting a hand on theirs, to block their abrasive movement. He told them that he knew about their tic, and that, by the way they always covered their wrists, he thought that it was damaging them. He knew too well how hard it was to lose a tic, but… it was necessary. It pained his heart to see them, the only person he had romantic feelings for, hurting themselves to relieve their stress. It wasn’t… right. He didn’t tell it to them, of course, but he told them that he would have helped them as much as he can. Maybe sparring would have helped them to vent their stress? Everything was better than them rubbing their wrists to the bone. He wouldn’t have allowed it, not now and not ever.

Prosciutto

Prosciutto always wanted both himself and his teammates to be at their peak, so he was always attentive to them. If he noticed that his leader hadn’t had a decent night of sleep in the whole week, he didn’t think twice to send him to sleep; if he saw Melone starving himself again because he was too engrossed in his researches, he dragged him to the dining room, no matter how much he was protesting. He was the “mom member” the team, the mother goose that always made sure everything was alright. So, G/N’s habit didn’t fly over his eyes: he noticed how many times they were insistently rubbing their wrists, sometimes even scratching them, like they had some sort of inflammation or hives that made their skin itch. It worried him; what if the inflammation was so severe to impede them to work? And all in all were they working with an ongoing hives?! Bullshits! If they had a health problem, they had to stop for a while and take care of it properly. He approached them, ready to confront them about it. He couldn’t let them work in those conditions!

So, the first thing he did the day after was to take them to a side and to talk to them about it. He was serious and, G/N could see, worried. He was… worried for them. And, actually, it was the first time someone noticed their tic… they sighed, admitting that, when they were nervous or scared, they had the habit to rub and scratch their wrists. It wouldn’t have been a problem, if not for a little detail… since he had been so nice to worry for them, they decided to pour it all out. They showed him their wrists, covered in many, too many little scars. It was from all the rubbing and the scratching, they explained, as Prosciutto stared at the scars. It was even worse than what he thought… he sighed, trying to put some order in his mind. His feelings for them were making him want to freak out… but he couldn’t and he didn’t want to. He had to stay calm, if he wanted to help them. And so, he sat down with them, and he asked them to please come to him if they were feeling nervous or scared. They would have worked together to find a way to help them when it was all too much. He wouldn’t have let them down.

Pesci

Pesci knew how it was to have to deal with stress, anxiety and fear on a daily basis. He also knew how it was to want to keep it secret, not wanting to be a burden… he knew it and he was able to recognize the silent cries of help from who was in that same situation. He had noticed how G/N often seemed on the edge; their behaviour screamed loud, saying that they were nervous and stressed. And he couldn’t blame them; being an assassin wasn’t an easy and light job. They had to deal not only with the physical pain from eventual wounds, but also from mental damages and traumas. They all never liked to kill; it was a job, but this didn’t mean they liked it. Killing someone also killed part of them. Pesci did his best to support them without making obvious that he knew how much they were struggling, thinking that they would have been irritated; and even so, it wasn’t enough, he could see it, and it pained him deeply. They weren’t just a teammate, or a friend… he had for them romantic feelings. He wanted so bad to help them to smile, to deal in a healthy way with what they were going through… and maybe the only way to do so was to be utterly honest, to “expose” them and, so, to finally work together to find a solution. Yes, maybe this was the right way.

So, while they were quietly walking in a nearby park, Pesci brought it up, to their surprise. He quickly made clear that he wasn’t judging them, nor he ever wanted to do it. He just wanted to… help them. Because he knew how terrible and lonely it was to deal with so much stress and fear while trying not to make it obvious… he knew how much it ate someone from inside. He didn’t want it to happen to them. They listened to him, silently, before sighing. Well, maybe he was right… and, all in all, their stress had led them to a bad habit with even worse consequences. They show it to him: their wounded wrists, scarred from how much they rubbed them. Pesci was incredulous and horrified. So many scars… so many months, years spent with an anxious tic that hurt them so much. Once again, he promised both to them and himself to help them and never let them down. Never more.

Formaggio

Even if he is mostly known for his loud and laid back attitude, for being a chill and relaxed guy, Formaggio is more than that and, especially, he knows more than what he shows. He knows pain and rage, regret and even hate; he knows how it is to be so scared to be just frozen on the spot, and he knows the stress that comes from traumas. He tended, however, to ignore his teammates’ symptoms; they all were used, all in all, to this kind of things. They were more than able to deal with it by themselves or, if they couldn’t, to ask for help. But with G/N… it was different. He couldn’t ignore their nervousness, their stress, especially when they had to go on a mission… and it manifested especially with a curios and harmful habit: they rubbed their wrists. It was a continuous movement, that they did completely unconsciously, by now, so ingrained in them that they started to rub and scratch their skin at the first signal of nervousness. Formaggio tried to discreetly bring it up in their conversations, but it had been useless. So, with an unusual move from his part, he decided to directly face them; maybe it was a little brutal, but he wanted to come to the core of that harmful habit and, hopefully, to help them to get rid of it.

He did so while they were watching a quiz show -or, better, the quiz show was just a white noise for their chat- and, as he was expected, they started to grow defensive. He couldn’t blame them… and he could also understand them. To help them to open up, so, he did the same, at least a little; he told them about a couple of his own traumas and bad -and damaging- habits come from those traumas. They listened to him, silent, before sighing and showing him their wrists, horribly scarred. Formaggio gulped, horrified; those scars come from years and years of continuous damage… he sighed, taking them in a half-hug, and quietly -in a way so different from his usual loud and boisterous one- promised them that, now, they were in this together, and that he would have done anything to help them to fight their anxiety. Anything.

Melone

Melone is not only an expert in biology and genetics; he also has at least some rudiments of psychology. He needs it, all in all, to create the perfect spawn to kill his target, but this doesn’t mean that he can’t use his knowledge also in his mundane life. Sometimes it creeped his teammates, and so he stopped to do it, at least openly; but he still studied and analyzed them while they thought he was all busy with his “little experiments”. He did the same with G/N who, other than his teammate, was also his crush, even if he never forced his feelings on them, nor he wanted to do it in the future. Observing them behind his monitor, he noticed that, when the room was too crowded, they started to manifest symptoms that said that they were overwhelmed by the whole situation: they were more nervous, and, especially, they started to frantically rub their wrists, which, he realized, one day, were always covered, even in the hottest summer day. He feared the reasons that forced G/N to cover them… that was what convinced him that he needed to talk to them, after too much time spent observing in silence.

G/N knew that Melone was more observant than what the others thought, but still, when he approached them asking them if their wrists were wounded they were stoned. How could he have noticed it? They always kept them cove- ah, it was that. He had noticed it… they sighed, knowing that they couldn’t fooling around anymore. And, well… they didn’t want to. He really seemed to genuinely care… maybe it was time to share it with someone. So, they finally freed their wrists, showing him the scars. It was due to all the rubbing and the scratching, they said, not… something worse. Even if he was relieved it was not something related to something so severe and potentially dangerous, that tic of theirs was still harmful, and he wouldn’t have sat down letting them doing it, now that he knew about it. He proposed them to start a sort of therapy; yes, he wasn’t a real doctor, even if he had studied for it, and so he didn’t feel like he could give them meds to take, but he could listen to them. They could have regular meetings and, together, try to better the situation. The determination in his eyes, in the end, convinced them to try; he really cared about them… maybe, together, they would have found for real a solution.

Illuso

Illuso, being the designed “spy” of the team, the one who always open the road to his teammates giving them the infos they need, is observant by nature. It’s something so natural to him that he does it almost without noticing and, most of the time, he just throw half of what he notices away, as it’s not useful to him or to anyone else. His ability sometimes is a gift, sometimes a curse; there are times he would like not to notice and section everything, when he would just like… to enjoy the moment without thinking too much. However, his talent saved his teammates’ life more than one time, so, he guess, it’s ok to endure the times when it bothers him, if it means his squad’s safety. This includes also G/N, who, other than his teammate, is also his crush and, so, this makes his observations spike up, even when he wouldn’t like it. And that’s how he noticed how they tended to rub and scratch their wrists pretty often, and how they always kept them covered, surely to hide the scratches or even something worse… he couldn’t let it go. He had to go deeper, this time, and to talk to them about it.

And so, one day, he invited them into the mirror world, where they liked to chill together chatting or reading something, finally far from the constant chaos of the crowded HQ. There, Illuso dropped the bomb, asking them about their wrists. When they, after few seconds of stunned silence, asked him if he was spying on them, he answered honestly: he just noticed it without even wanting to. If it was something else, or someone else, he would have just shrugged it off, but… he couldn’t, when he was dealing with them. He wanted them to be safe and to be happy, and their tic was a sign that they weren’t happy. They just sighed, catching the sincerity in his voice, and told him the truth: it was a nervous tic, but, unlike other harmless tics, theirs wounded their wrists, which, now, they were showing him. Illuso gasped; their wrists were covered of little scars and angry red scratches… they couldn’t go on like this. He promised them, and they knew he was sincere, as he was one who always kept his promised, to help them to lessen, if not to completely abandon, that harmful tic. On his honor. He couldn’t bear to see them wounded… together, they would have made it. He was sure about it.

Ghiaccio

Ghiaccio’s feelings, especially if intense, aren’t a secret to anyone. Everyone knows when he’s angry, even when he’s sad; he tries to hide when he’s embarrassed or vulnerable, as he fears it can be seen as weakness -and so be mocked-. So, being him used not to hide his inner turmoils -with few exceptions- he doesn’t recognize immediately that G/N feels pretty often nervous, so nervous and stressed that, in fact, they have a tic. He actually noticed when, for once, they were alone in the usually crowded living room of the HQ. He was reading, but a low noise was ticking him in the wrong way… what was that?! It was like a continuous rustling, and then like something was scratching… he lifted his gaze, exasperated, only to find out that G/N was the source of the noise. As soon as they noticed that he was nervous and almost enraged, they started to rub even more vehemently their wrists, but it was clear that they weren’t doing it in purpose. If it was someone else, Ghiaccio would have just shouted them to stop once for all, but… he couldn’t shout at them. He didn’t want to. So he gulped it down, asking them, instead, if they were feeling fine. Seeing that he wasn’t anymore enraged, their rubbing slowed down, and finally Ghiaccio understood: it was a reaction to stressful situations. Well, he knew very well how it felt to be always stressed and nervous… maybe they could talk about it and try to find a way to help them to vent it.

Without beating the bush, he directly asked them if they were feeling nervous. As he was expecting, they started almost immediately to rub their wrists, while saying that no, they weren’t nervous. Ghiaccio, unusually patient for his standards, put a hand over theirs, stopping them; they couldn’t keep lying. Answering to his questions, they admitted that they had that tic from so much time that they had forgotten when it all actually started, and that all that rubbing and scratching had damaged their wrists beyond imagination. They showed him, and he gritted his teeth: there were deep scars, scratches and even bruises… their wrists were a mess. However, he wasn’t feeling angry… just sad. He was sad to see them, a so precious person, hurting themselves so much… he promised them that they, together, would have found a way out that harmful tic. And when he promised something, he was ready to turn over the world in order to accomplish it.

[90s-belladonna]

I don't know if anyone has asked yet but could we see a fluff alphabet for Denki Kaminari? I'm just in love with the pikachu boy lol

I’m so surprised he doesn’t get requested more actually! He’s just great🖤

Fluff Alphabet: Denki Kaminari Edition

A = Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?: he likes to start prank wars with you since if you’re dating denki you have to be equally as wild as him, although you two will often team up for couple’s prank wars against sero & mina since they’re the only two wild enough to match your crazy. He also likes to take off guard pictures of you and make reaction memes with them and share them to the class group chat so everyone can use them.

B = Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?: I could see denki being attracted to someone who’s brave and is unapologetically themselves, I think that’s a trait he’d really admire and the main thing that helped blossom his crush. I think you’d really enjoy his upbeat personality and how he manages to make every moment special instead of dull.

C = Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?: he personally likes to be held by you so when you’re sad he’ll just hold you, he won’t say a thing since he knows you probably want to think things through on your own, but he’ll be there if you need him. He’s careful not to ever overwhelm you.

D = Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?: he likes to dream big and probably has a list on his notes app full of gender neutral baby names, since he wouldn’t want to force anything on your future kids, as well as a list of future pet names / dream pets for the two of you.

E = Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?: you’re definitely the more dominant one in the relationship, denki isn’t one to want to take on much responsibility, that being said he’s still a very attentive and caring boyfriend and prefers to plan most dates but that’s about to, he leaves all the important decision making up to you.

F = Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?: oh 100% he’s a light hearted guy who definitely wants to fix issues as soon as they arise, he’ll encourage you to tell him when something is bugging you so he can fix it.

G = Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?: he’s very well aware and will often write very bad but cheesy, yet funny poems about how you’re the peanut butter to his jelly and stick them under your dorm room door to surprise you with, he tries to be very unique with how he thanks you.

H = Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?: he’ll try to plan secret dates and stuff like that for you but for the most part he tells you everything, he’s a naturally expressive guy so keeping secrets would be hard for him especially from someone he loves oh so much.

I = Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?: you definitely made him be a bit more serious, not much but you definitely inspire him to get more seriously about school and life in general, as for you he most likely taught you that it’s okay to relax every once in a while.

J = Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?: he honestly trusts you to shut everyone who tries to flirt with you down, so he isn’t even worried about all that. Deep down he’s insecure though so he definitely thinks you can do better, but he also understands that you chose to be with him out of everyone else you could possibly be with so he doesn’t let his negative thoughts affect him for long.

K = Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?: he’s kind of insecure to initiate it since he doesn’t have too much experience but you can see him staring at your lips every time you two are alone so you take a chance and initiate the kiss, but not before messing with him a bit. “Denki.” “Uhu” “did you hear what I just said.” “um no sorry ( Name)” “I said I wanted to kiss you.” “wHAt?” “I asked what you got for #5, for the math homework.” “Oh. Right! Sorry I was daydreaming again.” you’d probably just chuckle at how gullible he is before pecking his cheek and watching him start to blush, although you’d grab his tie and pull him in for a real kiss before he could react. he’d probably accidentally shock you since he’d be so surprised that you kissed him first.

L = Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?: you catch him practicing his confession, the idiot was practicing in public instead of in a private spot. “I really like you (Name). I’d really like to take you on a date and see if possibly we can be more than just friends.” He’d mumble to himself while sitting on his desk. “Sure. We can go get ice cream after school or something.” You’d reply nonchalantly as you take your seat. He definitely didn’t notice you walk into class and the moment he heard you response... denki.exe has stopped working.

M = Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?: he’s already had the wedding reception planned out in his head. He’d be real cheesy about his proposal and would take you on a hot air ballon ride on one of your anniversaries then while you’re distracted admiring the view he’d get down on one knee and wait for you to turn around to face him so he can pop the big question. The marriage would be a smooth transition from your relationship, he’d probably be less clingy but would definitely leave you more love notes than before just so you never forget how much he loves you.

N = Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?: “honey bunny”, “baby”, “lightning bug”, “light of my life”, & your contact name on his phone is “notice me senpai🥺” which isn’t a nickname, but I think kind of counts too in a way.

O = On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?: everyone can tell, mainly because of how expressive denki is. Also he tends to daydream about you a lot, like Midnight will ask him what the capital of Japan is and his dumbass will be like “(Name)’s eyes.” since she’d probably catch him during one of his daydreams. He’s the type of boyfriend who constantly compliments you and tells you how much he adores you and will often buy you gifts just because, like there doesn’t have to be a special occasion, he just feels like getting you things that remind him of you.

P = PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?: he is the one person who does not care who’s watching, he will kiss you, make out with you, hug you , spin you around, ect. in public, and if someone has an issue with that they can leave since he will not stop showing how much he loves you regardless of the circumstances. he’s just very much into pda and showing you off to everyone since he’s so happy to have such an amazing s/o and wants to shout it from the roof tops, he probably will at some point if given the chance.

Q = Quirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.: he’s like your home, he makes you feel safe and at peace and can always manage to make you laugh when you’re feeling down.

R = Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?: he’s real creative and silly when it comes to romance. Like once he used his lightning to write ‘happy birthday (Name)’ in the sky while you two were dining on a restaurant that was on a boat (idk if my wording makes sense but you get the point).

S = Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?: yess! he believes in you, in fact he looks up to your work ethic. Whenever you have a big day coming up in school or work he’ll send you inspirational memes.

T = Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?: no date will ever be the same with him, one day you two will be diving with sharks together then the next you’ll be taking a pottery class together like the boy has range when it comes to planning dates, that and he loves to surprise you. dating denki is definitely not for the faint of heart since he’s like a human roller coaster.

U = Understanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?: as silly as he is he can always get serious enough to hear you out and try to understand what you’re feeling, he definitely never wants to force anything on you so he tends to ask you if things are okay whether it be with your feelings or physical things like possibly dangerous dates.

V = Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?: he knows he has to put his aspirations first but you’re right up there after school and his friends, as much as he loves you he grew up being told not to let one person be the sole reason for his happiness, so he has a sense of where to place his priorities.

W = Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.: he’s the little spoon, the boy just wants to be held.

X = XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?: he’s a cuddle bug and will kiss you the moment he sees you and will run to wherever you are just to hug you and hold your hand. he loves to lay in bed with you and use your stomach as a pillow while he hugs one of your thighs, lives for you playing with his hair while you two cuddle. like the boy just wants to always hold you close and feel protected by you.

Y = Yearning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?: he becomes whiny and will spend the entire time looking through pictures of you on his camera roll. the moment he sees you again he’ll tackle you to the ground, like the golden retriever that he is, and cover you in kisses.

Z = Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?: I headcanon him as a big talker when it comes to saying he’ll risk anything for you, but if it ever actually comes down to that I think he’d have to really think about his priorities first, he definitely loves you don’t get me wrong, but he has to be realistic at some point when it comes to how far he’d go for your relationship.

☆ Master List

☆ Fluff Alphabets

[my-imagination-and-other-stuff]

Part 5

You crossed hands on your chest. Except a cool wind on your face and tiredness, you felt pressure in your stomach. Kostya was just going down the stairs from a building of a studio. Artem was going to pick him up home at the same time when he was driving you to work. You didn't think it was a good idea after your fight but it would it be ridiculous to avoid Kostya all the time.

-Hi- he said, buttoning his dark coat. He seemed tired after whole night of working. It must have been childish but as soon as you saw Kostya moving to back doors, you changed direction and took a seat next to driver. Boys exchanged few words but there was long silence for next minutes of driving. You looked away when you caught Kostya's gaze in front mirror.

- We should all go out for drink when we're done - Artem suggested when he stopped on parking.

- Who do you mean?- Kostya asked without any enthusiasm in his voice.

- Who else? All of us. Like always.

- I don't think I'll have time - You added quickly - I won't get free day from my boss so- no.

- I meant evening..

- I'm not in mood- You interrupted Artem, trying to hold your anger.

- Okay. Thanks for picking me up - Kostya sighed like he was tired of listening both of you and he opened doors to leave car - Bye.

- Bye..- Artem murmured. You wanted to yell at him but you kept looking at window in silence when he started car again.

- No free day? Really?

- Really - You snarled - Don't suggest some time together when it's so unbearable for you to see me with Melovin.

- It was annoying when you acted like some lovebirds but I want us to be like we were at the beginning.. - Artem stared after some break for contemplation- But now you're acting weird.

The problem was there was no chance for things to be like they were. And now he was blaming you?

- Because you made me feel guilty and now you blame me for feeling uneasy! - You raised your voice - Like I did something wrong. I don't know how to act to not to make you angry.

It wasn't about trying to make Artem feel more important and not giving him reasons to feel jealous. You was fighting with your own feelings but you also felt that your boyfriend only thought about his own. It's been a while since you started to get irritated by more things that he was doing.

- Okay. I might overreact about your friendship with Mel but I was scared that we're growing apart. I'm sorry. - Artem said calmly, seeing your emotional reaction. He stopped a car in front of office and slowly pulled you close. When he hugged you, it suddenly felt even worse. It was like you was a traitor by letting him comfort you after what you've been imagining about Kostya before.

- I gotta go to work. I'll be late - You said and left without goodbye before Artem did something that might make things worse like kissing you.

***

Looking at your phone and sitting. That's all what you was doing at studio. Things were taking too long time so you stood up and grabbed your bag.

- Did you lost your voice today?- You heard Kostya's voice behind your back - You didn't say a word since you're here.

He didn't talk to you till now. He actually ignored you all this time and it was annoying. You hoped things to be like they were before but for some reason you felt upset and it seemed that Kostya did too.

- Why would I talk? I'm not in mood - You said with anger in voice. You looked at doors. Artem was still away. You even didn't know where he went. He just answered phone and left.

- Who the hell he thinks I am? Some middle school kid that he can take to his job anytime he wants? - Your thoughts turned into words. Kostya putted away his notes and looked at you.

- If you hate coming here, who forced you to come?

- Oh, I'm sorry that I offended you with my presence - You snarled. Your expression must have looked quite scary because Kostya's gaze softened.

- What's gotten into you today?- He asked you very calmly what surprised you.

- Nothing. You're right that I shouldn't come here. I don't even know why I wanted to come here earlier.. I'd rather lie in bed whole day - You said, turning to exit but Kostya grabbed your wrist.

- Hey..- He started, waiting till you will look at him. He seemed worried.- What happend? What's bugging you?

- I'm just tired - You cut off - Please, just tell Artem I went home.

He was going to say something to stop you but his editor entered room. You used this opportunity to get away with conversation and leave but you didn't realised how stubborn Kostya was. Few hours later your phone started ringing. You hesitated to answer at first but you knew that he would eventually call you again.

- Hey. How are you feeling?

Kostya's caring voice caught you off guard but it was so pleasant to hear and you couldn't deny it.

- I'm.. fine.

- I'm on my way.

- What?- You almost coughed up - Are you serious?

- Why? What's wrong about it?

- You don't need to come - You said quickly, walking nervously from room to another room.

- But I want to - Kostya said before you foud another excuse - I want to talk with you.

- About what?

- I'm will be in ten minutes. See you.

You cursed when he disconnected. When you heard footsteps, you came to doors. You had no idea why you opened them before Kostya even rang or knocked but it was just impulse. He was clearly surprised, seeing you.

- Hi.. You couldn't wait to see me?

It seemed like he tried to joke but his laugh seemed forced.

- What's going on?- You asked, closing doors behind him and moving to guest room. Kostya stood in front of high table. You didn't sit either.

- When Artem is still not here I wanted to ask you if everything is fine between you and him..- He started and awkwardly looked away when your eyes met with his- Stupid to ask. It's clearly something wrong. He didn't want to tell me but I can see something is off.

- I told you before. He seemed jealous. I was right. He didn't like us being that close. He felt left out.

- So that explains why you're angry lately.. But maybe he has a reasons?

- Bullshit- You said impulsively. What was he implying? It took him a while before he looked at you again and continued.

- I started wondering when Dasha scolded me - He murmured.

- Scolded you?

- She asked me why I was flirting with you and called me dumbass.

Kostya's gaze was blending into you and it was a kind of gaze you've seen when you talked alone in kitchen at his flat. You was as tensed as you was right now. Kostya followed you when you tried to distract yourself and do something in room. When you moved chair, you felt his hand and your arm.

- Why are you acting this way?

- I mean.. Who cares about some slander?- You said and he grabbed your arm when you tried to walk away. - It's not true. She was reading too much into it. This conversation is just pointless..

- But what if I was really doing it?- He interrupted you- What can I do then?

You was trying to understand if you wasn't wrong. He meant that he intentionally wanted you to feel attracted to him.

- Why did you do this? - You asked him with weak voice, feeling scent of his skin close to you. His hands were warm and his eyes were glowing. Before you realised that he moved closer, sudden touch of his lips stopped on your lips. Your heart beated very fast and your fingers clenched on material of his shirt. You didn't kiss him back but you also didn't want to stop him and your hand stopped on his chest. You moved away and took deep breath.

- Stop..

- I'm sorry - You heard his whisper when you turned away.

- It’s crazy- You murmured, nervously fixing your hair.

- You think I don't know it? I just ruined everything but it was driving me crazy- Kostya started talking and moving to your direction- I only wanted to talk to you but I just wanted to kiss you and I would do it again but..

- Kostya, please..

- Let me finish. I never knew it will end up like this but I started to like you more and more - He continued and didnt get discouraged, seeing you shaking your head with disbelief- I thought it's just a short crush and I tried to hide it but I'm not good in such things. That time when I said I chose wrong number, I lied. I stopped myself but you called me back. I started to feel annoyed when I was seeing you with Artem so I tried to avoid you. It's been long time since I had feelings for someone but I don't think I felt this way for anyone before.

- You..

- I think you charmed me right when we met and I felt we're soul mates. I wanted you to know because I can't stand acting that everything is fine. I feel bad because I hate seeing you with Artem.

- Kostya.. You know it's wrong. I don't know what to say - You said, sitting down, avoiding his gaze.- I would never know it will turn into something serious.

- Me too- He sounded sad. For a second you wanted to comfort him. - But you don't need to say anything. I'm going to move out to other city to not to see you. So since now don't be surprised that I'm not around and let’s not contact each other. I don't want to interfere between you two.

- I understand- You murmured.

- I'm sorry for my behaviour- He said after he slowly stood up from chair- I had no right. I'll better go now.

- I can't tell Artem anything- You added, staring at back of shiloutte. He stopped. - I don't want to hurt him.

- Me neither. I hope you both will be fine soon.

He didn't turn to you and left in silence. When doors were closed, you let yourself to release your feelings. You started to cry.

- No. We won't.

[marauder--harder]

(I'm going to do this in separate messages sorry) Ok so I have a problem and idk what to do. So I like this guy who is one of my friends and my friend Nicole kept bugging me to tell him so I gave up and told her that she could tell him if she pleased but to do it quietly and privately with him. But she FREAKING SCREAMED in the packed hallway "(my name) LIKES YOU (his name) SHE LIKES YOU" and afterwards she told him that he should ask me out (which he obviously refused)

PART 2 (the separate story thing) and I had to track down one of his friends who refused to give me his number (I'm kinda a troll in school so ppl don't want me to mess with them on texts(which I don't do btw)) and I got my friend to text the same person and she immediately got his number so I had to explain that yeah, i like him, but I don't want to date and i just want to be friends (which he only responded with 'ok' everytime i said something) and now we haven't been talking for a while now..

PART 3 (sorry) so we barely talk anymore and only do so when I put paper in his hood ( it's a thing that I always have been doing with him to mess with him) and I've known this guy since I was 5, started liking him when I was 7 and now I'm 13, and I think our friendship is ruined and my friends say whenever I do talk to him I'm clearly nervous and "visibly shaken" and I think letting Nicole tell him was a big mistake bc I don't know how this'll ever blow over - it's been months

I’m assuming that this was the end of the thread as I didn’t get anything past it and I waited for a bit. Sorry if it wasn’t, my bad. This is going to be a long post so like, hit that keep reading for the full message and if you are not interested, feel free to never hit the link. I promise, I’ll never even know. 

As for your dilemma, it seems like you have a serious case of the awkwards. Which is fine! Lots of people are diagnosed with it, even me. It is something you definitely can manage and make it seem like you are even cured! (or possibly even be cured! only time will tell!) It seems to me like you need to just tell the guy you like, in person, that you don’t want to go anywhere with your case of the mushy gushy feelings (trust me, that is the scientific term here) and you still want to be friends. It seems like you would have enough history where y’all could definitely get past it. 

But two things stood out to me more in your messages than anything else. So, in my years and years of absolute wisdom (sarcasm heavily implied here) I am going to impart two of the biggest pieces of advice that I have learned as I’ve grown. Take it as you will. 

1. Don’t put yourself down.

Everyone has their insecurities and everyone has self-confidence issues. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have them, because in my experience it isn’t that simple and quite frankly not possible to not have insecurities and love every part of yourself. (Note: this is not to say that you can’t love yourself or that it is impossible to be confident. It definitely is but I think that self image is not as linear as most people attempt to make it; but I digress.) 

Thus, no self-deprecating comments. No ‘which he obviously refused’ here, missy (assuming u a girl. if not, my apologies, my mans). Even if you think that you aren’t good enough, (to which, I am not saying you aren’t) putting yourself down will only do worse for yourself in the long run. So try to shy away from comments that put yourself down and try to twist it to have a different spin. 

It isn’t an easy task. It is a task that is time consuming and something you have to work at. A lot. But I found that when I was your age, I constantly put myself down and I think that it not only hindered how I saw me but how others saw me too. Ya feel?

2. Try not to blame others. 

I’m not saying this lightly. I am well aware that some things are other people’s fault and we can’t control everything so this is something that is a lot more difficult to find the line to tread. It will come with age and practice and maturity. Do not beat yourself up for any of it (as I did when I was about your age too, but that is yet another digression). 

I find that blaming others usually only fosters resentment and anger towards that person and it doesn’t do much at solving the problem at hand. And your problem can be solved, if you talk to the people involved in person. So much can get lost in a text, trust me I have many a people to back me up on that. 

I do wish you the best in this, hon and try not to sweat it too much. If things don’t work out (and they might not, which is a shitty piece of advice that I don’t want to tell just as much as you probably don’t want to hear but there’s a possibility that the guy you like also has a case of the awkwards and it just no longer meshes the way it once did) feel free to drown your sorrows of a lost friend/crush in the biggest bowl of ice cream you can find and read some fluffy (or angsty if you are me and love to hurt yourself worse) fics. Do know that it is just one person and as much as it sucks, all of your eggs are not laid in his basket (wow, that was a horrible expression to use and my 12 year old self is giggling like a child). 

You are more than any friendship and more than any embarrassing thing that may happen in your life. Be open and honest and talk to people in a clear way that avoids playing all these round about games that so many in the younger generations (mine included) tend to play. Lay down the facts and let him make the choice to either look past it or walk away. 

But you deserve that straight answer from him. 

Good luck and much love, xoxo. 

[raviposting]

i'm gonna be a wee bit predictable and ask for TLMOE!

Top 5 favourite characters: 1. M I K E 2. Tandy 3. Carol 4. Erica 5. Gail 

Other characters you like: It took me a while to enjoy Melissa but I adore her now, and ofc I love the rest of the fam as well 

Least favourite character: Pat but even then I felt kind of bad for him 

Otps: Carol/Tandy, Gail/Erica (but I do like Melissa/Todd and I adore the whole group being basically polyamorous together) 

Notps: Tandy/any of the other ladies, basically, I guess. 

Favourite friendship: Carol & Melissa! I miss this friendship so much! 

Favourite family: THEY’RE ALL A FAMILY, LOOPHOLE! 

Favourite episode: The most recent episode bc we got Mike back :’)) Also the episode that focused only on him when he was in space 

Favourite season/book/movie: I actually really enjoy this season the most, I think. 

Favourite quote: Uh????

Moment that made you fangirl/boy the hardest: When Mike came back!

When it really disappointed you: When they killed off Lewis. I understand that Kenneth had to leave but I still maintain that they could have had the plane fly off into the distance. 

Saddest moment: When Mike “died” 

Most well done character death: Mike’s fake death haha 

Favourite guest star: JACK BLACK IN ALL OF HIS 2 SECOND GLORY 

Favourite cast member: Can I say Jason Sudeikis thanks 

Character you wish was still alive: Lewis :( 

One thing you hope really happens: I really hope that we find out what happened to Mike while he was making his way back to Tandy, and I really really hope that it won’t make us hate Mike or anything. 

Most shocking twist: When Mike came back! 

When did you start watching/reading: I started watching from the very first episode! I kept seeing ads on hulu and I’m going to be honest, I thought it would be canceled after the first season but I still liked it and figured I’d just keep on watching. 

Trope you wish they would stop using: Sometimes they need to chill with the poop jokes 

One thing this show/book/film does better than others: They really introduced the serious side of the show very well. I thought it was going to be all comedy but season 2 onwards really surprised me with that and I appreciate that. It’s really a heartwarming show when you get into it, and they think about a lot of things which is fabulous. 

Funniest moments: I love seeing Carol & Tandy be disgustngly adorably weird to other people lol 

Couple you would like to see: I wouldn’t be opposed to another canon polyamory ship hint hint wink wink nudge nudge 

Actor/Actress you want to join the cast: I don’t know if I need anyone to JOIN but I think having Andy Samberg in there for an episode would be a DELIGHT 

Most boring plotline: Uhhh? 

Best flashback/flashfoward if any: I can’t recall any real flashbacks besides when they have their new characters. I liked the flashbacks where they killed Trump and everyone in his administration though 

Most layered character: Hm. You know I’m biased towards Mike but you know, I also think that Melissa and Erica and Gail have shown things that we still need to know about them - why Erica was in jail, Gail’s son, Melissa’s disorder, etc. I want to know SO much more about them and sadly I don’t think we’ll ever get that. 

Scariest moment: When we thought Gail died in the elevator you know I was STRESSED about that 

Grossest moment: Just. Their poop jokes. 

Best looking male: MIKE but when he was on the show, Phil 2. 

Best looking female: Erica for sure 

Who you’re crushing on (if any): I mean.........Mike..........bc that’s not obvious that I love him. 

Most beautiful scene (scenery/shot wise): They have a weirdlly beautiful apocalyptic scenery and I love that 

Unanswered question/continuity issue/plot error that bugs you: I JUST REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ERICA’S SON

At what point did you fall in love with this show/book: It got me liking it maybe halfway into season 1 but it was in the finale that I started to see the real heart of the show, when Carol decided to stay with Tandy. It was the beginning of a beautiful ship and moments like that carried on to season 2 and got me truly appreciating the show. 

[landofsomethingsomething]

Not sure if you've made posts about it before (sorry if you have!), but could you elaborate more on the alphas not 'getting' each others' main flaws? I'm really curious since I haven't heard their relationships described like that before.

Sure, let me try to articulate what I mean here. 

Basically, the alphas as a group all love each other SO MUCH, which is awesome, they’re this closeknit squad and they’re all so important to each other and their relationships all make me feel enormous sprawling feelings, but the sheer AMOUNT they all love each other sort of blinds them to some of their own needs. They all want to think the very best of each other, and the occasional thoughts they have about each other that aren’t like 100% positive get immediately suppressed and marinated in guilt juice and they try not to acknowledge it and go back to focusing on the good instead. 

So they’re all kind of bottling things up about each other, right? But it doesn’t come from any malicious place, it comes from a place of wanting to be the best they can be because they care about everyone else’s opinion so much but also knowing they aren’t always their best selves -- and knowing their friends aren’t always their best selves -- but if THEY know their friends sometimes are shitty, that means everyone else might know that THEY are sometimes shitty, too. 

They’re all trying so hard to downplay the bad and upjump the good, which is MUCH MUCH easier to do with online relationships. 

You throw them into physical proximity and suddenly those annoyances you all tried so hard to pretend didn’t bug you that bad and never talked about because talking about unpleasant things is, well, unpleasant, start to boil over. Put that on top of the stressful circumstances that led to several relationships starting the session OFF more strained than usual, and wow. They had no fucking chance. 

I love the alphas so much -- they got shit on by a lot of the fandom because their plotline was so internal and cerebral, but that is the kind of shit I LOVE. The betas were all friends, but they never felt like ONE GROUP to me. The full four way group dynamic never crystallized. We always found them interacting one on one and rarely ABOUT one another, because the betas’ conflicts were more or less external. The betas’ story up to Collide was them vs the environment, the game, doc scratch, sburb, the horrorterrors. The alphas’ story is so much about THEM. Their relationships. Them as a group. Their interpersonal issues and foibles and there’s this element of nitty gritty real HUMAN-ness to their struggles that isn’t super present with most of the betas who feel like more fantastical figures that struggle against equally fantastical antagonists. (The betas KIND OF segue into something like this post-Collide, but it’s not expounded upon as much, they’re split into different groups, and also a lot of it got retconned - Jade and John had some interesting moments on the boat but that stuff was probably the biggest victim of the retcon.)

OKAY. 

Here’s an example of what I mean to wrap it up: 

Jane and Roxy are best friends, they love each other deeply, you can tell from their every interaction that they care tremendously about each other’s opinion of them, but. Roxy has a drinking problem. This (I think) clearly makes Jane uncomfortable sometimes, but Jane suppresses it and pushes it down because she wants to think the best of Roxy, she minimizes the issue. No one ever confronts Roxy about this very serious problem she has in any real or effective way (not just Jane, NO ONE does this) because they all want to think the best of her and oh... haha..... it’s just a little foible... just  a quirk.... it’s cool.... not a big deal .... I’m sure roxy has her life under control no big deal!!

Basically EVERY alpha relationship has something like this going on. Everyone downplays how much the AR bugs them because hey I’m sure Dirk has things under control he probably does this on purpose god Dirk you’re so silly jeez Dirk we’d really like to talk to you instead of your fucking hell robot sometimes but oh well I’m sure Dirk knows what he’s doing ho hum let’s all downplay how much this actually bothers us because we want to think the best of Dirk and can’t imagine him ever creating a situation he genuinely cannot deal with or control because well gosh he’s just so capable!

Everyone downplays how selfish Jake can be because oh well Jake is just silly he’s so nice he doesn’t MEAN to be this way I mean it’s JAKE how could Jake English ever do something as vaguely malicious as take advantage of how he KNOWS Jane never really says what she’s thinking if that thing is hard to say and use that to his advantage to give him a perfectly reasonable out on having to tell her he isn’t interested in a romantic relationship with her and then, KNOWING she actually did have a huge crush on him, constantly inundate her with his issues with his boyfriend for months thereafter. Surely Jake could never be that manipulative he’s so nice!! (NOTE: I love Jake English, specifically BECAUSE of things like this, I honestly would not like him if he were actually the way fanon paints him all the time, some weak cinnamon roll that can do no wrong.) 

etc etc etc

This is why I love the alphas! They are a group of fucked up teenagers who are all struggling so fucking bad but all need their friends to believe everything is ok, and who need to believe their friends are ok, who want so bad for each other to be happy that they sabotage themselves both individually and as a group in misguided attempts to pretend at and manufacture that happiness without actually doing the hard work of fixing the underlying issues preventing them from TRULY achieving it. 

(The one issue, as with most things in Homestuck that I have issues with, is that we are not shown the resolution to these arcs and struggles in canon, boooooooooooooooooooooo)

[distant-rose-archive-blog]

LOVED your fic recs! You mentioned that you had runner-ups, what are they? I'm curious because we have similar fic tastes and I've read most on your list.

Thanks mate! I’m glad you appreciated that and yes, I was originally going to post 15 fics, but I cut it down to 10 because I’m a lazy bastard. The following are honorable mentions to my treasure trove (or part two, view it anyway you want.)

Make a Wish by AcrobatElle

Rated: E

Noted Features: Wish Realm!AU, Canon Divergence (Season 6), Wish Realm Fix It, Older!Killian, Porn with Feelings

Author’s Description: Stuck in the Enchanted Forest after her wish was granted, Emma seeks out Killian. She doesn’t expect what she finds. 

Rose’s Review: If I were a bigger cunt than I already am, I would just download this fic and sent it to A&E and be like “See this? This is what you should have done you bloody fucking wankers instead of going for the laugh!” (I’m not bitter I promise.) This isn’t just amazingly crafted Captain Swan smut, it’s amazingly crafted Captain Swan smut that rips out your heart and makes you weep for Wish!Hook because he’s just so unhappy but so gracious and in love with Emma (all Killians are in love with all Emma’s, let’s just face it). He really could have been bitter but he’s just so accepting and encouraging of Emma and his main verse self that it makes you want to curl in a corner with a bottle of rosé and weep to “White Flag” by Dido. It doesn’t make you cry because it’s angsty, it makes you cry because they just fucking love each other so much and Wish!Hook kinda gets the raw deal because he has no Emma of his own. He arguably doesn’t really exist but you still feel bad because despite the fact he was unhappy that doesn’t mean he didn’t have a good heart. Ugh. Just read it and have feels. 

Put me in coach, I’m ready to play by killians-dimples

Rated: T

Noted Features: Modern!AU, PR!Emma, Athlete!Killian, Baseball & Killian

Author’s Description: PR Director Emma Swan moves to Pittsburgh intent on restarting her life. But playboy shortstop Killian Jones is making her job a hell of a lot harder with his antics.

Rose’s Review: Guys, baseball and Killian is my absolute weakness. I’m completely gaga for baseball player Killian. I honestly got a lot of Bull Durham and For the Love of the Game vibes from this (I don’t know if the author watches Kevin Costner baseball movies, but I sure as hell do because those are the only good Kevin Costner movies there are) with a twist of Trouble With the Curve (I love baseball movies, shut up!). This is unfinished and I seriously want to see where BK goes with it because I love it so and the tension between Killian and Emma is just getting started. As for usual, Killian is a hot mess with a heart of gold and Emma is the hard ass who is working to put him in line. There’s only a few chapters to this (and a super awesome smutty one-shot here: [LINK]) but I do love the tenderness displayed between them when they’re just hanging out and watching the Home Shopping Network. BK does an actually incredible job of giving Killian an air of loneliness without bluntly saying he’s a lonely guy during a scene where he’s having a conversation with a telemarketer he’s on friendly terms with. Before you even read Emma’s thoughts on the subject, it really just strikes you that this version of Killian has no meaningful relationships outside of David and Robin. I really hope she revisits it but it’s only five chapters in and I fucking love it.

Walking in a Straight Line by msgenevieve

Rated: M

Noted Features: Modern!AU, Drunk Kiss, UST, Slow Burn-ish (because they’re idiots), Roommates!Captain Swan, Lawyer!Killian

Author’s Description: It’s one of the oldest stories in the book. Two old friends have a few too many drinks, two old friends share a kiss. Happens all the time, right? But what happens when only one of them actually remembers it?

Rose’s Review: Technically this isn’t finished but where the author left off makes for a decent enough ending. This fic really pulls at you with the sexual tension and angst between Killian and Emma to the point where when they finally happened, I literally cheered in my seat and basically made a scene on the bus I was on. They’re so frustrating in this story and the rest of the cast (especially Mary Margaret and David) are notably agitated by it as well, which makes the ending result very satisfying. I am actually amazed that David and MM were friends with them for so long and just didn’t lock them in a room one day so they would finally just break all the damn tension. Walsh is positively wicked in this fic, knows all of Emma’s weaknesses and plays on them so well that you can’t help but flinch when he all but metaphorically stabs her and twists the knife. Killian is almost as much as an emotional mess as Emma is and the weight of his emotions is crushing, but not to the point where you start to hate Emma (which has happened to me with some fics.) All and all, the ending is worth the amount of emotional torture this fic puts you through.

Stardust in Your Skin by midwestwind

Rated: T

Noted Features: Soulmates!AU, One Shot

Author’s Description: Emma Swan may believe in magic and curses and fairy tales but she absolutely does not believe in soulmates.

Rose’s Review: I don’t usually read Soulmates!AU, but honestly this barely constitutes as an AU and the soulmates aspect is subtle, which is why I love it so much. The soulmates aspect is not overly played and I would argue meshes well with the whole OUAT True Love mythos. I love the constellation element to the soul marks and the added element of different constellations from different realms. Emma’s reluctance to buy into the soulmates thing is so characteristically her, and her mixed emotions of curiosity, anxiety and reluctance towards Killian’s soul stars is very palpable without being entirely in your face. The tenderness and vulnerability displayed in the final scene between Emma and Killian when she reveals her soul stars is so powerful and well written that it gave this one-shot a real place in my heart and a place among my favorite fics.

The Worst by alchemystique

Rated: T

Noted Features: Henry Centric, One Shot, Future!Fic, College!Henry, StepDad!Killian

Author’s Description: His life is so weird, weird weird weird, he used to think it was so cool but who the hell would believe him if he told them David Nolan was his grandfather - oh and also Prince Charming, no, seriously, like, the actual, real life husband of Snow White - and his mom is around here somewhere, probably figuring out the amount of time it takes to break in and sneak past security, or cataloging every emergency exit on campus. Weird.

Rose’s Review: I love everything about this one-shot here. It makes me laugh every time I read it because though it’s a much older Henry which we haven’t seen yet, the voice the author has chosen feels very organic and realistic. His exasperation with everyone, especially with Killian and David, is hilarious. Though Captain Swan is not the real focus here, I really love the depiction of Emma and Killian in this. They seem so comfortable with their relationship and I really love the lack of jealousy on Emma’s end towards all the co-eds and college moms ogling Killian. The ease and comfortability is just so refreshing because it’s Captain Swan and there’s always drama, and the lack of serious drama is a breath of fresh air. The banter is just so natural and loving and Henry’s lack of surprise/what-took-you-so-long-Killian reaction to their engagement is incredibly amusing. The best line: “Oh my god, my mom and Killian are literally True Loves, you actually can’t get any closer to it than those two unless you’re, like, Snow White and Prince Charming, and my mom could kill you with a toothpick for even having dirty thoughts about him”

The Dark Horizon by qqueenofhades

Rated: M

Noted Features: Black Sails!AU, Black Sails/OUAT Crossover, Pirate!Emma, Lieutenant!Killian, Pregnancy, Angst, Jones Family Dysfunction

Author’s Description: The Caribbean, 1715: Royal Navy Lieutenant Killian Jones and his brother, Captain Liam Jones, have just arrived to help pacify the notorious “pirates’ republic” of New Providence. But they have dangerous allies, deadly enemies, and no idea what they’re getting into when they agree to hunt the pirate ship Blackbird and the mysterious Captain Swan.

Rose’s Review: I’m going to admit it, it took me awhile to get into this fic and that’s mainly because I’m a terribly shallow bitch and for some reason huge paragraphs bug me (this is such a minor thing and something that is definitely easy to get over), but regardless I pushed through my bitchiness and actual read it because I love both OUAT and Black Sails, and goddamn. It’s very good fusion of the two worlds and it was fascinating to see a Captain Swan variation where Emma is more of the “moral corruptor” than Killian is and I do love the twist on that. I have to say the character I loved the most is Black Sam, who is just the unsung hero and moral support for everyone in this story. I was like “goddamn, I need this guy on the legit Black Sails show.” I’m more a Vane fan and he isn’t featured as much as Flint and Miranda are, but I could live with that. You really don’t need to watch Black Sails or have that much knowledge of it to fully enjoy this fic, which you definitely will because it’s so action packed. This fic is unfinished and I eagerly await to see what the author does with it.

[starwyn]

It's mind blowing how men and uhh trans identified wannabe-men come flocking to this post like voltures, doing exactly what the men causing the issue in the first place would do, gaslight, reverse, project, blame, make you feel crazy. And we wonder why we're on the brink of explosion. I swear, what we women have to endure psychologically and then still sit patiently and nod and try and defuse and understand and validate and blabla, while men get one trigger word and they're off on a narc rant with no remorse and no apologies... I can't even. Yet women are the over emotional, generalizing, evil, judgmental people, while men go off and create wars and ruin the planet. Seriously, you clearly hit home on your points with your dad for him to fly off the handle like that, and went full on typical man reaction when faced with his own misogyny. There's hardly a man on this planet you can have a calm and collected conversation with about this who wouldn't turn the tables and make you the bad one. They REFUSE to take responsibility or to give a single fuck, most of all, they refuse to listen. I dare say hardly a man exists who doesn't have the presence of serious narcissism in one form or another, it's how they were raised, like little human gods, to be placed above all else, and how "DARE" you recognize faults in his divine being. What almost bugs me more is the re-victimization when speaking out about it. It's vile, and however predictable, still soul crushing every time. I'm angry for you and all women who have to endure bullshit like that, to be told you're "bitchy" or whatever misogynist drivel that confirms your point in the first place. My dad's no better and is a confirmed misogynist. It's hard to fight the cognitive dissonance of caring about your dad - cause he's your dad.. - and knowing he basically hates you, looks down at and disrespects you, for having the body you have. It's like that with all my male family members now. Ever since opening my eyes to radfeminism, I've run into a loot of sexism and misogyny I never knew my male family members had in them, which has been depressing to say the least. It's one thing if a female family member denies sexism, because you know even if she denies it she's still a victim of it, and most women can often relate to a lot of sexist situations even if they don't "believe" in sexism, but males? They relate to nothing and have nothing on the line and aren't likely whatsoever to ever change their minds. Seeing you as a thing that deserves what men do to you benefits them, even if they'll throw many fits to deny it. So yeah, the state of the world is depressing when cursed with ever growing awareness.. in the end, this is what makes sisterhood so needed. At least some of us took the red pill and we can understand and support each other and leave all our patience and kindness to each other instead of the men who shit on it. We need at least something to hold us up in a world marinated with hate against our female bodies.

I hate men, I really fucking do. And I hate my dad. And I hate the fact that being aware of female oppression and the ways males actively harm us (be it subconsciously or intentionally) has made it so I can no longer look at my father the same way again, because I finally realized awhile ago that he isn’t the exception. “Not all men” is a lie, it’s bullshit, and it’s nothing but yet another tool men use to keep women down.

So, my dad just got a new job offer. A really big deal, at a big company, with great health insurance benefits, which is perfect for us because I’m disabled and unable to work. The person who would be his boss, if he gets the job, is a woman. And he’s never had a female boss before. I’ll call her “S”. He was just telling me about how he has an interview with her tomorrow, and will be meeting her in person for the first time. So far, he’s only spoken to her over email, and talked to a few people who work for her over the phone.

He told me that he’s excited but he’s anxious because S seems very “fly by the seat of her pants” like she’s “all over the place” and basically made her sound like an impulsive little child incapable of logical thought. This woman is like the head of a major company with departments all over the country. She’s more successful than my dad can even dream of being. And yet…he still finds something to criticize her on, to put her down. He started talking about how he just *knows* she needs someone like him to come in and help take all the “business side of things” off her hands and “reel her in” as if *he* was the one granting *her* a fantastic opportunity, not the other way around.

So I ask him, very, very nicely and not accusatory at all: “please don’t take this the wrong way, and please don’t be mad because I don’t mean this as an attack against you, but can I ask you something? If S were a man, would you still consider this a fault of her’s? Would you have even noticed it, or maybe even taken it as a positive thing?”

Not even exaggerating, those are the literal exact words I used, and I said them in the most submissive, polite tone imaginable. To say he was pissed would be an understatement. The second I opened my mouth, he angrily crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his foot loudly and impatiently on the floor. Huffing. Rolling his eyes. Growling. Doing all those nonverbal body-language cues that man do to show their anger and dominance and make women fear them. And the second I finished asking the question, he went off. How *dare* I say that. How *dare* I question his character. Of *course* he’d feel the same way if S was a man, how *dare* I insinuate otherwise? And when has he *ever* done such a thing?

I went on to try and explain that it’s not all about him. I said how it’s something all *people* do, even subconsciously. I said that everybody does it, and that I do it too sometimes. That a woman can say something and be considered a bitch and too bossy and a bad leader, but if a man said the exact same thing in the exact same way, he’ll be considered strong and a good boss. I told him that, again, it wasn’t personal, it wasn’t an attack against him. I was just asking him to please look at it from another way, and if he says that he’d still think all those things about S if she were a man, then that’s fine! (Even though we all know he wouldn’t….but I didn’t say that.)

That only made him madder. He started yelling…How *dare* I make stupid generalizations about him. He knows he would never think like that because of ~how he grew up~ and his ~character~ and ~where he came from~ and all that defensive male bullshit. Like, he genuinely believes that being called a misogynist (which I didn’t even do!!!) is worse than, ya know, *being* a misogynist. I tried to tell him that, no, I’m not generalizing him. That, again, it’s just something that *everybody* does sometimes! That’s it! It wasn’t personal! I was literally just asking him a fucking question!

Well, that sent him off on a rant about how ~people like me~ who ~generalize everybody~ are ~what’s wrong with the world~ (and he didn’t see the irony in that statement at all.) He went off about how *dare* I keep “pushing” him about this topic, that it’s my fault he’s mad and that we’re fighting because I kept talking about it and all of that…when *he* was the one going on, and I was literally just fucking defending myself and trying to defuse the situation. After that, I just walked away, and he literally disappeared. Like, he just walked out the door and drove off. I still have no idea where the hell he is.

It’s fucking exhausting, man. I’m so tired. It was an innocent question. And, honestly, if he would’ve sat down and actually *thought* about the question, and *thought* about whether or not he’d feel the same way about S if she were a man…it could’ve actually helped him at the interview. But no. He had to act like every other goddamn man on the planet. I just can’t do it anymore.

I know this is pretty tame, it’s not even a big deal whatsoever, but we have fights like this almost every fucking day. Most of them get much, much worse. I posted on here about the fight we had on this past Christmas, which pretty much was the turning point of how we act around each other. That fight got ugly. But the reason I’m so upset about today’s fight is because it’s just…never ending, I guess. It’s never fucking ending. Just one thing after another after another, and he always makes me feel crazy and stupid and worthless. He makes me feel insane, like I’m actually fucking insane for being upset at the way he treats me, or for disagreeing with him. I hate it. And I can’t do it anymore.

But we’re fucking stuck. *I’m* fucking stuck. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I’m disabled with a debilitatingly painful chronic illness that leaves me bedridden most days and I’m completely unable to work, let alone able to get a place far away from him. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Sorry for the novel. I just needed to vent.