I keep wondering why I feel like garbage today and not getting anything done, and then I'm like, ah yeah, right, allergic reaction that kept me awake until 3am because my throat kept trying to close. That'll be why.
lol i think it is kinda funny how often we take our favorite overworked little guy (gender neutral ) and just go oh yeah he (gender neutral) hasn't slept in a month and his blood is now coffee and redbull but said guy (gender neutral) is just functioning mostly normally but with no filter
Not to get personal but I think the reason princess tutu stuck with me for so long after watching it is like. As someone with low self esteem and abandonment issues seeing our hero hate who she is at her core only to make a friend who not only tolerated her “ugly” side but is so so deeply charmed by who she is under the mask that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her no strings attached? That’s the fucking DREAM
It’s the fantasy of having someone who loves you even when you’ve stopped being useful, when you can’t be funny or interesting or any of the traits you try to cultivate to make yourself more palatable to others. It’s the fantasy of having someone see to the core of you and not flinching, instead, coming away more endeared than before.
Princess Tutu is about hope. When Duck, our hero who brings hope to everyone, falls into despair, her best friend is there to bring hope back to her. And I think it says something that hope is the emotion the show leaves me with too. Hope for a better future. Hope that one day, like Duck, I’ll grow out of the ugly duckling phase and be able to embrace my true self.
it must get boring as hell doing continuous repetitive genos like dust does. he probably constantly questions how his human can keep on going and like not get bored (me too tho ngl because what type of person is out there that's trying to minmax every single undertale geno route interaction???) so i say he changes things up during his own process for a variety of reasons
sometimes when he's feeling REALLY apathetic he might just view everyone as stats and precoded scripts and lines and he just goes about the geno as if he was a player playing a video game (this is incredibly hypocritical because he's acting like the player but also this is dust sans we're talking about. pinnacle of hypocrisy. he'd deny any sort of human like actions because he's not the human and what he's doing is for the greater good). also its kinda fucked because it just means that there's been so many resets that he doesn't view his friends and family as simply people that he's taking the lives of but more as just npcs and numbers. but yk of course he moves on from that episode (and refuses to acknowledge the fact that he was acting very much so like the human. nope nope nope)
or maybe whenever he feels really really really shitty about himself he just lets the human kill him sometimes. he purposely interacts with other monsters before he kills them so he has to hear them beg for mercy. he just lets himself wallow in as much guilt and pain and misery as possible because its really really addicting to be sad and upset and feel bad. and dust is never like "hey i should stop doing this because its getting in the way of be killing the human" because he knows damn well it ISNT. he's still gonna be on that him vs. human grind no matter what even if he spends a few resets fucking around and being miserable and the humans always gonna reset anyways. ALWAYS
even if he's not at lvl 20 or something but still above the human in lv then maybe he'd kill them. but then that also means that there'd still be some monsters left because he nor the human maxed out their stats. so then that's just more suffering for dust (because i really think he'd like to make himself suffer because he feels so much guilt for what he did. his suffering is self inflicted and he knows that and still does it. good for him) because he has to walk around the underground knowing that there are some people hiding in corner or something watching him and scared that he's gonna kill them because thats what he did to everyone else. some nicer monsters might go up to him and try to talk to him but dust doesn't have the chill welcoming friendly vibe sans does anymore so it's just creepy and awkward. angrier monsters might try and yell or fight him and dust just sits there and takes it because theyr totally right. to them it might just look like he killed monsters just for shits and giggles one day and theres no way for him to explain the resets without people just forgetting it in the first place so theres not much he can do except accept the suffering. what in the mental masochism
Please play The Apparition live dude. That would be so fun and sexy of you bro. What a silly fun idea haha. It's not like I'm obsessed or anything. Please Mr. Token, I'm on my hands and knees. I'll be so normal about it, I swear.
The image of Luz sitting on the bed next to Hunter, just watching Amoty sleeping peacefully on their bed (their girl needs some rest after what she's been through) has been implanted into my brain for the last two hours, thank you :)
you will be very excited about some of the upcoming fic content! :3
Just finished The Silt Verses episode 41 and am now inconsolable at 3 in the morning with work in 6 hours. Yes I know better than to listen to The Silt Verses at bedtime, but the dark and the quiet and the lure of a new episode got to me.
And there's another one waiting. I can't afford another hour of wakefulness that might bring me to meltdown again. I am weak, but also exhausted. I think I can force myself to save it.
The thing is, it's not even the deaths that got to me. It's the millennia of lonely hungry suffering; and the hope of kindness, and a friendly face making the signs of their private languages, long forgotten. To remind them, even after all the centuries, that they were once loved.
I'm gonna have a pickle and some water before I give myself a cry hangover.