#I need more Gabriel in snow

[isharaneith]

February 2023 companion icons

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[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 13 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: college anxiety, angst, Gabrielle, Lisa, alcohol, cursing, mentions of cheating, a frat party, explicit content: implied sex

☆word count: 8.9k

☆a/n: more angst oop- I hope you guys like it :') thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing, you're the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, August 30

Summer came and went. Like everything in life, it became just a moment in time, a short movie consisting of flashing scenes of friendship and fun and sun, of pools and tanning and hikes. Summer was perfect, summer was healing, yet summer couldn’t heal everything.

Summer hasn’t healed a doe-eyed boy from your heart, but you think it’s okay. You think, perhaps your love for Jungkook is just everlasting, another one of those memories you know you’ll cherish for the rest of your life.

You reckon, if you were to have kids one day and they’d asked you who your first love was, you wouldn’t be able to answer their father.

It will always be Jungkook, no matter the bitterness and the pain of the ending.

It’s his necklace you wear on your heart every day after all.

You’ve worked all summer, amassing money to cover your expenses for the year. You’ve gone back home with Taehyung for a week your mother had off, and you spent it camping like you did when you were kids, gaze getting lost in starlight and sun rays on the water, reflections of light that left afterimages on your retina.

Much like Jungkook is an afterimage on your heart. Never fully erased, yet the pain isn’t as sharp anymore. Like the time soothed its edges, reminding you of the good part, allowing you to let go of the bad.

The first news you had of Jungkook this summer was stories posted on a Saturday evening, of him and Lisa and friends in New York City. Turns out Lisa landed an internship at an architect firm in New York through her father’s connections, and turns out it was all she needed to be welcomed into Jeon Jungkook’s world over there.

You’d been jealous back then, bitterly so. Yoongi, bless his heart, had forced you to hang out at his place, claiming the empty room needed to be repainted before Namjoon moved in for the semester. It’d been a good distraction, and by the end of the weekend, you’d realized that Jungkook was allowed to have friends, to move on from your idyllic moment in his life.

It hurt, but it was a sign of healing.

You got closer to Yoongi over the summer. Learned all about his past, about his high school and how his parents were supportive when he came out, yet reluctant when he brought his first boy home. He’d told you how he met Hoseok in his last year of high school despite not attending the same school, and how their friendship had immediately blossomed.

Only to wither in April, when Hoseok had chosen to leave. None of you or your friends have had any news of him since then, like he wiped his existence from all of your lives like it was nothing. It’s been hard for Yoongi, harshly so, so you’ve made sure to always be available for him, too.

Namjoon and Nabi’s relationship didn’t suffer such a fate. They’ve only been growing stronger over the summer, proof that despite Namjoon getting out of his relationship with his ex and jumping in the one with Nabi right away, they were meant for each other. In truth, you’ve never seen anyone love each other like Namjoon and Nabi do, and maybe that most of all has healed your bleeding heart.

There has to be someone out there who’ll love you like you’re the one who paints his every sunset. 

Seokjin wasn’t on the receiving end of such a relationship. He’d confessed to Ria halfway through the summer, telling her that he couldn’t do the see-saw anymore, that he needed everything or nothing, and in good Ria fashion, your friend ran. She ran and ran, until Seokjin told her he was ashamed of having believed she deserved to be loved.

The blow has been hard on Ria, and she hasn’t been with anyone since then. Hasn’t mentioned Seokjin once either, but you know that, whenever you go out, he’s the one she’s looking for. 

The strangest part of this summer happened on a random Tuesday evening when you’d just come home from work. Taehyung and Ariane, ever so the lovebirds, had been hanging out in the living room when you’d crossed the threshold. Taehyung’s gaze had shot to you, and he’d uttered words you think have been carved into your brain.

“Did you know Jungkook is the heir of JJS pharmaceuticals?” 

You did. You knew about his father’s company - he’d told you once when you’d been lying with your head on his chest, one of the rare times he’d talked about his family after your weekend escapade to New York.

But you knew Jungkook’s existence had been mostly a secret, his father refusing to announce his existence to the world because Jungkook had refused to study at an Ivy League College.

At the confusion on your face - or rather, the masked pain you’d been hiding for weeks and months - Taehyung had added, “There was a conference press, and he’s all over social media.”

He was. You found out quickly enough, articles and articles about him showing up on your Instagram as well. You’d seen pictures from the press conference: though his father had been smiling wide, Jungkook had only been staring at the camera, like he’d wished he could disappear.

You don’t know what led him to accept a position at his father’s company before he’d even graduated, but you knew then and know now that it had to not have been his choice.

So indeed, summer came and went until it became just a memory, and the new semester now looms over the horizon, a reminder that though your skin might have been sunkissed these last few months, it’s now time to return to reality.

You’re sitting in the kitchen, indulging in Buldak noodles as you read a book about Faes and High Lords and a Night Court. You’ve started reading again over the summer, another way to escape that helped fill your breaks at work when you didn’t go out for lunch with your coworkers. It was nice to reconnect with your previous love for reading - indeed, you’d spent years in middle school and high school getting lost in fantasy and dystopian worlds, and recovering this part of you might have been another way to heal.

It’s reminded you that every story is worth telling, even those that don’t end well.

So you sit at the kitchen table, halfway done with your noodles, when the front door opens and closes. 

“Hello!” you greet out of reflex.

Taehyung and Ariane were out shopping for groceries, and though they haven’t left a long time ago, you assume it’s them coming home.

“Do you need any help?” you ask as no one replies, which is strange.

They’re always talking about everything and nothing, joking around like they’re the only people in the world. It’s something you do find cute, but that always grates your nerves in all the wrong ways.

Where Nabi and Namjoon have been making you feel hopeful when it comes to love, Taehyung and Ria have made you jaded too.

The silence prolongs, and you don’t even hear them taking off their shoes. You furrow your brows, wondering if they’re trying to prank you. So you put your book down even though you are in the middle of a good scene, and you push up from the table, heading towards the kitchen’s doorway.

You reckon, maybe you should have expected it. You’d known he was coming back at some point - he still has a year left of college. But you didn’t think he’d show up on an early Friday evening, clutching his duffel bag and standing by the door like he’s a guest in his own home.

He’s changed. The first thing you notice is that he’s changed: he doesn’t have the eyebrow piercing anymore, his hair is shorter - almost entirely shaved at the sides - and though he still has the lip piercings, he looks different than what you remember.

As if a few months was enough to blur your memories of Jeon Jungkook, and the wound you’d thought to be healed over the last few months reopens, pouring liquid lava on your entire body until you think you’re burning, and not in a good way.

He’s dressed in all black, like some things don’t change after all. He looks more built than he was last semester, like he’s gone to the gym a lot more over the summer. His tattoos have also changed - they’ve been coloured, some of them, as if he tried to put colours back into his life.

You hope it worked. But when you hold his gaze, the heaviness making you want to disappear through the floor, you think maybe it didn’t work at all.

“Y/n,” he greets.

His voice has changed too. Or maybe it’s just the emotions, maybe it’s just the fact that the last thing he ever told you were those words in the letter you keep hidden in your night table, words you’ve romanticized every night trying to fall asleep.

Not that you would tell anyone.

“Jungkook,” you reply in the same tone.

He nods once, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and then he takes off his shoes. You watch him, dumbly standing in the doorway, and he shoots you a look once his shoes - black boots that look far too warm for the summer - are off.

“How are you?”

His three words throw you off. They make you feel like last semester might have been a construct of your imagination, but then again you hold that letter too dearly, and the memories of him have been your favourites for months now.

“I’m okay,” you reply, nodding once. “How are you?”

He pulls on his piercings, the gesture familiar yet so different than how you’ve been imagining it every night. “I’m chill.”

He starts to walk towards his room, but he stops halfway there, glancing over your head into the kitchen. 

“Want something to eat?” you ask, and you wonder if he hears your heart as it picks up in your chest.

You see the moment he spies the Buldak noodles on the table. He smiles softly, with his eyes first, and you think maybe this is it.

Maybe he came back home.

Came back home to you.

But then his features fall, the smile vanishing and darkness invading his gaze. He shakes his head no, nodding towards his room. “Thanks, but I gotta unpack.”

You watch him walk the rest of the way towards his bedroom. He turns the knob, pushes the door open, yet he freezes there. His shoulders tense, and even though you don’t see his features, you know he wants to say something else.

You hope he will, hope he’ll say something that might mend the bridge between the two of you. That might erase this abyss between you and him until the ending disappears.

You know it’s because you haven’t seen him in a long time. Know that, when it all comes down to it, you wouldn’t go back to him - he broke your heart, and you’d be a fool to return to him. But you like to imagine that you would as he stands there, that you’d run to him if he turned and said the right words.

But he doesn’t. He sighs, and then he walks into his room, shutting the door softly behind him. And as he disappears from view, you feel yourself stumble, like you’ve taken a hit right to the chest. You lay a hand over your beating heart, almost expecting to feel blood trickling through your fingers.

As if he’s just broken your heart all over again, torn it from your ribcage. Yet it breaks - you didn’t think he still had that power over you.

Hell, you thought you’d been moving on.

You walk back into the kitchen, the room spinning around you. You drop in the chair you were sitting in before, eyeing your book. And though you want to get lost in the fantasy world again, you’re bleeding out on your chair, pain burning along every single one of your nerves.

How are you supposed to share a roof with the one that broke your heart?

The answer is easy. You can’t.

You need to get out of here, and quickly.

Monday, September 2nd 

Your first day back to college is long. You’ve got two classes - a morning and an afternoon class, both of them three hours long. 

When the second one ends - luckily half an hour early ‘because it’s the first day’ as the professor said - you make your way out of class with Nabi. She’s typing away on her phone, likely asking Namjoon when he’ll be home, yet she follows you as you head to the dorms.

You’ve been crashing at the girls’ dorm over the weekend, as you try to figure out what you should do. You haven’t figured anything yet - Taehyung’s been telling you that you shouldn’t move out, asking if it’s because of Ariane moving in, and though you’ve been good at avoiding mentioning Jungkook, there’s just so much you can do before you burst and admit that it’s because of him.

But it’s okay - Nabi’s been staying with Yoongi and Namjoon, so you have her bed all to yourself, and Ria and you have been treating it like a massive sleepover, doing face masks every night and getting mildly drunk on Saturday.

Nabi sighs as you walk towards the dorms, and you throw her a look. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I feel like this semester is about to be the worst,” she admits, slightly shaking her head. “Namjoon basically confirmed it.”

You hook your arm with hers, resting your head on her shoulder. “Baby, it’s fine. We’re in this together.”

“It’s easy for you to say, you’re the top of our class.”

“And you’re the second,” you remind her. “We’ll be okay, I promise.”

She nods, heaving out a heavy breath again. “Is it bad that I’m already anxious?”

You don’t reply right away, as you pass through a group of engineer students gathered in front of a class, most likely getting ready for an evening class. An evening class on the first Monday… 

You feel bad for them.

“It’s not bad,” you reply once you’ve finally walked past. “It means that you care about your grades. You just need to not let it eat you alive.”

“I think I’m just realizing that getting into med school might be harder than we thought,” she says with a sigh.

You stop, tugging on her arm so that she stops too. “No, I’m not having any of that,” you tell her. “We’ll both get in, Nabi, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, folding her arms on her chest.

“Yup.” You nod forcefully. “Dead serious. And after that, it’s smooth sailing until residency. And then we get a residency together, and we become sexy doctors.”

“Bruh,” she lets out, and she chuckles.

You’re happy your distraction works because you truthfully didn’t know where you were headed with it. “I promise!” you insist. “Give us a couple of years, and we’ll have our own practice.”

“You want to be a surgeon, and I want to be an ophthalmologist,” she reminds you. “Not quite sure we’d practice at the same place.”

You shrug, and you start walking towards the dorms again. “To be fair, we’ll probably both end up at a hospital. We just need to find a way to work at the same one.”

She purses her lips. “That sounds doable.”

You smirk mischievously. “Damn right.”

*****

Nabi ends up staying with you and Ria at the dorm for a couple of hours after class, and you order takeout that you eat sitting in a circle on the floor like you usually do when you do pre-drinks before a party. It’s fun, more chill than a pre-party gathering, and Ria tells you all about how she ran into Seokjin on campus today.

“He didn’t even look at me,” she admits. “What a dick.”

You exchange a knowing look with Nabi. “Maybe he didn’t see you,” you try.

“He ignores me when we all hang out together too,” she points out. “He’s doing it on purpose.”

Nabi scrunches up her nose. “Yeah… you did lead him on for months.”

“Not my fault if he fell in love,��� Ria grumbles, her gaze dropping to the rice bowl she’s eating.

“It might not be your fault, but you still led him on,” Nabi pushes.

Ria huffs a breath, scoffing, but she doesn't say anything. She never really does when it comes to Seokjin anyway.

“Why are you so against the idea of being with him again?” you ask.

The scalding look you earn would put a dragon to shame. “Because I don’t want to be in a relationship,” she says, sounding like you a year ago when your friends had been pestering you about Hoseok.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

“We all know he’d treat you like a goddess though,” Nabi says. “The guy’s a hopeless romantic.”

Ria rolls her eyes. “Cringe.”

You playfully push her, and she bursts out laughing. You don’t miss the way her cheeks have dusted with pink though - and neither does Nabi - but you don’t mention it.

You have a feeling Ria is lying to herself more than she’s lying to the both of you, but you’d never dare tell her. She’ll figure it out on her own or not, and that’s what being in college is.

You try stuff; some of it works, and some doesn’t. 

Jungkook invades your thoughts, your chest aching all over again. You reach for the peach at the end of the chain, playing with the pendant mindlessly as if that can tame the ache, push it back to the back rooms of your mind.

It barely works, yet you manage to be able to let go of him after a few deep breaths, and a prolonged silence of Nabi staring at Ria while the latter is solely focused on eating. Your unease went unnoticed, which you reckon is a relief.

Confiding in them about Jungkook has helped over the summer, obviously, but there are some things you want to keep to yourself. Because Jungkook deserves the centrepiece in all of the secrets you’ve ever held - he was the grandest of them all last semester after all.

Still is, considering you’ve been lying to Taehyung about him all summer. Not that you really had to lie. You just avoided mentioning Jungkook, staying vague about your semester while Taehyung told you everything about Paris. 

And so you end up saying goodbye to Nabi when she decides to go over to Yoongi and Namjoon’s apartment - Namjoon was quick to take Hoseok’s old room, seeking to leave the dorms once and for all - and you and Ria watch Demon Slayer, her favourite anime.

Coincidentally one of Jungkook’s favourite animes too, not that it matters.

You sigh - reminders of him are everywhere lately, and though you have been moving on over the summer, the ache has been revived. You wonder what he’s doing right now. Is he at home, watching anime or playing video games? Is he hanging out with Taehyung, with Jimin and their other friends? Or is he locked up in his room like he was all of Friday, before you fled the apartment?

It shouldn’t matter to you, but it does. Because Jungkook will always matter: he meant too much to you. Still does, and you don’t know what to make of it.

Ria sighs, pulling you out of your thoughts as the episode finishes. You glance at her - you’re lying side by side on her bed, a laptop in between you to watch the show.

“What’s wrong?” you ask her.

She purses her lips, shrugging, though it proves to be awkward considering the position. “I don’t know. It’s just… Is something wrong with me?”

A concerned crease appears between your eyebrows. “Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know…” She pauses, gaze still focused on the laptop screen as if she can’t bring herself to meet your own. “Why am I so opposed to relationships? To love in general?”

Oh. 

“Oh Ria…” you let out.

“Don’t,” she warns. “I don’t want to be pitied.”

You press your lips in a tight line, nodding once. She chuckles, and then she starts the next episode, like she needs a moment to collect her thoughts.

“It’s just…” she says as Tanjiro fights a demon, the fight continued from the last episode. “I’m aware that Seokjin would be good for me. I enjoyed spending time with him too. But the second he mentioned feelings…”

“It turned you off,” you complete for her.

She nods. “It really did.”

“Why do you think it did?” you ask, even though you know it has to be because of her ex.

She sighs deeply. “That’s the thing. I really don’t know. I had a loving family growing up, so I can’t blame it on that. I had friends too, good friends, but then when my ex cheated…”

“It broke the part of you that could trust easily,” you say. “And it’s understandable, and totally valid.”

“I guess so…” she trails off. “I just feel like letting someone in is too much of a vulnerability.”

“That makes sense,” you say. “You like being in control, and you feel like being in a relationship would make you lose control.”

She glances at you, eyes slightly narrowed. “Sometimes I swear to God you sound like a therapist.”

You laugh - it’s not the first time you’ve been told that. Yoongi said so last semester too, when you’d helped him get over Hoseok.

“Don’t ask me for advice though,” you say, scrunching up your nose. “I don’t think I’d have any good advice.”

“Not to be mean, but after what you put yourself through last semester, I don’t think your advice would be really helpful,” she teases.

You widen your gaze. “That was mean.”

She pouts, offering you puppy eyes. You push her on the shoulder, and she rolls on her back, laughing. “No, but seriously,” she says. “I don’t blame you. You fell in love, and that’s not your fault, is it?”

You remain silent, not wanting the conversation to turn to Jungkook. 

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes after a few seconds of silence. “You’re right, that was mean.”

“You’re not wrong, though,” you reassure her. “I saw all the red flags and chose to ignore them.”

Ria turns on her side again, facing you. “That’s love for you. Everyone ignores all the red flags the moment they start having feelings for someone else.”

Like Seokjin, but you don’t say it. You highly doubt she needs to hear it.

“Cheers to that,” you say, though you are void of any beverage at the moment.

You’ve left your water bottle on the floor, too far to reach from where you’re lying in bed.

“You know what we should do?” Ria says a while later, when the episode is coming to an end. “We should go to the party on Friday. The one Dave’s frat is hosting.”

The name Dave rings an extremely distant bell - you think you went to a party hosted by his frat last semester, but you’re not quite sure.

“I thought we were already planning to go.”

Ria looks at you, mischief slowly filling her gaze. “We should go and find some cute guys to forget about all of our problems with.”

You laugh. “Men aren’t the solution to everything, you know that, right?” you tease.

“Oof. They’re the root of the problem most of the time, I know.” She pauses, purses her lips. “But we’re due to have fun. You know Nabi and Namjoon will come for an hour or two and disappear anyway.”

“What about Yoongi?”

“We’ll find him someone too! He deserves it.” She nods, clearly convinced that her plan is the best she’s ever come up with.

And Yoongi does, you think that out of the three of you, he’s the one that deserves a healthy relationship the most. 

So you nod your head, saying, “It’s going to be lit.”

You can only hope that it is and that you don’t end up crying because of a certain doe-eyed man you should have let go of months ago.

Friday, September 6th  

[11:17 am] bröther👽: just letting you know that Gaby is in town so Ari will be staying with her [11:17 am] bröther👽: come home

The texts Taehyung sent to you in the morning sit unanswered on your phone. Mostly because you didn’t know what to say - he still firmly believes you’ve decided to move out because of Ariane, and you think it might have killed a possible friendship with her in the bud.

If only they knew why you truly left. It likely wouldn’t be any better - Jungkook would be dead in a ditch somewhere, and you’d be grounded by your older brother like you were when you were in high school.

You know Taehyung is likely only going to grow suspicious if you ignore him, but you really just don’t know what to say. He’s likely going to be at the party tonight - you’ll make an effort to speak to him, to reassure him, and then you’ll disappear with your friends.

That is, if Jeon Jungkook isn’t with him. Because if Jungkook’s there, you’ll avoid Taehyung like the plague, no matter if that might make him even more suspicious.

“I literally cannot physically wait,” Ria says next to you, and you shoot her a quick look as she puts mascara on.

She’s going all out tonight, and you wonder if it’s because Yoongi mentioned Kim Seokjin will be in attendance. Obviously, you don’t want to attract her ire, so you don’t say it, but you reckon Seokjin has been a ghost in every conversation since last Monday.

Much like Jungkook has been, but you’ve been good at pretending he hasn’t.

“I really hope they’ve stocked up on free alcohol,” you say, knowing you’ll need it, mostly because if Taehyung is in attendance, then Ariane will likely be, and so will Gabrielle. 

Your heart sinks in your chest at the thought - you haven’t told Ria, not wanting to ruin her enthusiasm. 

“Do you want to curl your hair?” Ria says as she finishes with the mascara. 

You shrug. “Nah, I think I’ll keep it natural,” you answer. “But you should curl yours.”

She narrows her gaze, staring at herself in the mirror. “You know what, yeah, I should.”

You chuckle, and then you both busy yourself getting ready. You apply more makeup than you usually do, only because you know it’ll be a mask you’ll use all evening.

Does Gabrielle even know about your existence?

You finish getting ready, stealing from Ria’s closet to get dressed. You settle on a pair of black leather pants, along with a black crop top t-shirt that hugs tight to your frame, revealing just an inch of the bird tattoo you got done on your right ribs in May.

You stare at the ink, thinking about Taehyung’s reaction. He’ll likely be pissed at you, but you’re done caring. If he wants to be mad, then so be it.

“Your ass looks amazing in this,” Ria compliments from behind you, and you snort as you turn to look at her.

She’s wearing a sage green corset that leaves little to the imagination. You compliment her in return, and she winks at you, before suggesting to down a couple of shots before leaving. You immediately agree, and you’ve got a light buzz by the time you leave the dorms, heading to the frat house.

It’s already crowded by the time you get there, the loud music having attracted all the party-goers on campus. The front lawn is cramped, and Ria grabs your hand, pulling you through the crowd to head to the house proper.

You make it to the hall, and luckily enough, there aren't as many people here. You’re able to navigate to the living room, where Dave - he really is the guy from last semester - finds you, offering drinks to the two of you.

You grab a beer, not trusting the questionable punch that Dave claims was prepared earlier today. Ria follows your lead, and you clink bottles with Dave, who admits he has no clue what’s in the punch when you’ve all taken your first sips.

“Bruh, why were you trying to sell it to us then?” Ria asks, eyebrows raised.

Dave laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Colton said it was good.” 

Colton… you wonder if it’s the same Colton that had warned you about Jungkook once.

“And we’re supposed to trust Colton?” Ria teases.

Dave winces. “Not really, no, he’s already drunk.”

Ria nods as you take a sip of your beer, the bitter liquid heady on your tongue. You turn your head to the side, noticing a very distraught Yoongi walking into the living room, followed close by an even more distraught Seokjin. You wave them over, and Ria and Dave both turn their heads towards the new arrivals.

You notice Ria tensing from the corner of your eye, and Seokjin looks just as uncomfortable as he stops next to you. You hug Yoongi hello, and he doesn’t let you go right away, whispering in your ear, “This place is a shitshow, I don’t think we’ll stay.”

You pout as you pull away. “We said beer pong,” you remind him.

He rolls his eyes, though you know he’s always liked playing beer pong. So you manage to convince him to go for at least one game, though you know you’ll have to wait in line for a while before it’s your actual time to play. It makes for an awkward waiting - Ria and Seokjin are both ignoring each other, and Yoongi and you are standing in the middle, trying to engage in conversation.

You’re finally on the side of the table when you recognize your brother’s laugh, a sound you were sort of hoping not to hear in this crowd. You look to your left - he’s by the garden doors that lead to the backyard, Ariane cuddled up against him, and you think the girl standing with her back to you has to be Gabrielle.

“Shit,” you let out.

Yoongi furrows his brow at the sudden curse. “What’s wrong?” You motion towards the door, and his eyes widen. “Is that who I think it is?”

He knows about Gabrielle. He’s stalked her with you, during one of your many downward spirals, and Gabrielle has that kind of aura that is all too recognizable, even if you’ve only seen her once in a picture.

“I think so,” you reply, and Ria finally leans in to join the conversation.

“Is that Gaby?” she asks, loud enough for the people around you to hear.

You tap her arm, giving her a warning glance, though you’re pretty sure no one’s actually listening. Even Seokjin didn’t glance towards you at the outburst.

But Taehyung notices you, and you quickly turn away, pretending to be focused on the game unfolding on the table in front of you. There’s one cup on the left, three on the other side, and the girls playing are clearly more talented than you: they both shoot it in the lone glass when their turn comes, hugging as they shriek in happiness from their victory.

“Let’s go,” Ria says, and she pulls you to one end of the table as soon as the girls have moved. 

Yoongi and Seokjin take the other side, even though Seokjin truly does appear like he wishes he wasn’t here, and you put the cups back into their spot, reorganizing the table.

Your brother appears next to you before you start, and you offer him a tight-lipped smile.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks. 

“Me?” you let out, your voice uncharacteristically high. “Nothing.”

“You’ve been ignoring me,” he says through gritted teeth, the typical Kim temper flaring up.

You grab the neon orange ball Ria hands you, shrugging your shoulders. “I haven’t. Just been busy.”

He clenches his jaw, yet remains silent as you focus on the table, preparing for the first shot, the one that determines who between you and Ria or Yoongi and Seokjin will play first.

You’re against Yoongi, so you know you’ve already lost when you shoot. To your surprise, Yoongi misses, his ball bouncing off on the side of a cup. Yours flies way off the table, and you wince.

“That was trash,” Taehyung comments.

“Thanks,” you fire back.

Ria and Seokjin throw, and Ria surprisingly manages to get the shot. You clap your hands as she offers you a thumbs-up.

“Seriously though,” Taehyung asks, handing you the ball that Seokjin threw. “What’s wrong? Why did you move out?”

“Hold on,” you say. 

You take a deep breath, trying to push the anxiety of his questioning away, and you throw. The ball stays on the table this time, bouncing right next to one of the cups.

“Honestly it’s just so that I can spend time with Ria,” you answer, motioning to your friend. “She’s going through shit.”

Ria tenses next to you, offering you a quick glare before she focuses on shooting, unfortunately missing the cups.

“Oh,” Taehyung lets out. “I thought it was because of Ari.”

Speaking of Ari, you don’t see her anywhere near. You wonder where she went off to - are you lucky enough that she and Gabrielle left the party?

“Not at all,” you reply, and then you focus on the game as Seokjin and Yoongi prepare to throw. They both make it into a cup, and you clink your almost empty beer with Ria’s, taking a long sip before you move the cups to the side. “Ari’s super sweet.”

“She’ll be relieved when I tell her so,” Taehyung admits. “She was saying she could leave if it was an issue with you that she moves in with us.”

“It really isn’t,” you reassure Taehyung, feeling momentarily guilty for making Ariane feel like that. “I’ll probably come back eventually too.”

Taehyung’s eyes light up. “That’d be sick. We need to start doing Taco Tuesdays again.”

Taco Tuesdays. You’d forgotten all about them last semester - you’d spent every Tuesday last fall eating tacos with Taehyung, Jungkook joining once in a while. It was a tradition you’d had growing up with your mother too - when she wasn’t too busy working.

“I’m down,” you reply, and you get ready to throw.

To your surprise, you make the shot, landing it in the first cup at the front. Ria throws hers, and it bounces on the rim of one of the glasses before Seokjin catches it expertly. 

“Is Jungkook coming tonight?” you ask.

Everything stills inside of you. You don’t even know why you asked - you didn’t even think about it before the question fell. But then again, you think it makes sense that Jungkook would invade your thoughts now. 

When does he not?

Ria throws you a curious look at the question, though you don’t miss the disapproval in the furrow of her brows. 

“JK?” Taehyung says, as if he wasn’t sure. “I don’t think so. He says he wants to focus on college this semester.”

You nod curtly, getting ready to defend your cups as Seokjin and Yoongi throw. To your luck, they both miss, and you let Ria shoot first as you focus on Taehyung again.

“Makes sense now that he has to work for his father’s company, no?” you say, trying to sound as if you don’t care.

As if Jungkook is not the center of your universe, still to this day.

“I guess so,” Taehyung comments, and you throw, entirely missing the table again.

Ria lands hers in a cup though, which leaves four cups in front of the boys and three in front of you and Ria.

“I still can’t believe the motherfucker is rich and he never told us,” Taehyung adds.

You get the feeling. You still think New York was a fever dream - even more so now that you’ve lost Jungkook. The thought makes your heart ache in your chest, and it trickles down your body, burning all along the way.

“It’s crazy,” you let out, and it sounds just as flat as you feel - like maybe your heart just flatlined in your chest.

Taehyung makes a non-committal sound, and you’re able to focus on the rest of the game without any interruption. You evidently end up losing to Seokjin and Yoongi, and you shake hands with the boys, congratulating them for their win, even though you’d all expected it. 

“I’ll go get something to drink,” Taehyung says when you finally glance his way again. “Stay away from the punch.”

And then he leaves, and you mimic him as he walks away, raising your middle finger to his back. Ria snorts next to you, and you laugh along with her.

“He’s making me want to have some of the punch,” she says, and you laugh harder.

“Hard pass,” Seokjin says, and Ria stiffens next to you. “I tasted it, and it tastes like piss.”

“Wouldn’t even be surprised if someone pissed in it,” Yoongi says. “This party is…”

“Juvenile?” you provide.

Ria laughs, though it sounds a little forced. “It’s fun, stop.”

She sounds just as unconvinced as you think she seems, yet you all don’t mention it, which you reckon happens a lot around her lately. 

“I think we’ll head out,” Yoongi says after a few seconds. “Want to have a beer back at my place?”

“And disturb the lovebirds?” Ria answers. “No thank you.”

Indeed, Namjoon and Nabi chose to stay in tonight, and you don’t have to use a lot of brain power to imagine what they might be doing right now, when they finally have full privacy in the apartment.

“Right,” Yoongi lets out. He winces, then shrugs his shoulders. “Guess we’re stuck here for a couple of hours, then.”

He says that in Seokjin’s direction, who runs a hand on his forehead before nodding. “Can we at least go outside?”

“Sure. You girls coming?” Yoongi asks, motioning to the backyard.

Ria doesn’t even wait for you to reply, instead tugging you towards the garden doors. You stop her, glancing over your shoulder. “I actually really have to pee, but I’ll join you guys outside?”

She narrows her gaze in suspicion, and you furrow your brows. She leans in, whispering, “Are you trying to leave me alone with Seokjin?”

You snort. “Not at all,” you reply, patting her hand on your arm. “I genuinely am just about to pee myself. You know how I am with beer.”

She fake-gags, and you playfully push her as she bursts out laughing. “Ayt, we’ll be outside.” 

You wave them goodbye, and Seokjin awkwardly waves back before following Yoongi and Ria. You chuckle at the sight before heading to the bathroom, which you think is probably on the second floor.

So you make it towards the staircase you see in the corner, squeezing through the crowd and apologizing all the way, though most people are too drunk to even notice you. You successfully make it to the staircase, and you walk around the group of girls sitting on the steps, making it to the second floor unscathed. 

“Bathroom?” a guy who clearly looks like he belongs to the frat asks you.

You almost startle at the unexpected question, though you recover quickly, nodding your head. 

“Last door on the left,” he tells you. “I think someone’s in there right now though.”

“Should I not wait then?” you ask.

He chuckles. “From what I saw when I exited it was just one girl alone so, you should be good.”

“Thanks,” you answer, offering him a small smile, and he nods once before heading down the stairs, though he quickly realizes that it might be too big of a feat. He indeed just plops down on the stairs, striking up a conversation with the girls there.

They look like they know him, so you walk away, heading to the last door on the left. You lean against the wall outside, pulling your phone out of your pocket. 

No notifications greet you, so you push it back into your pocket, right as the door unlocks, and then opens.

You freeze, just as much as she does. Both of your gazes widening, until she lets out a small, “Hello”, the word heavy with a French accent.

Of course, the girl in the bathroom had to be Gabrielle.

“Hi,” you reply, and you try to smile, though you’re not sure it works.

“You’re Taehyung’s sister, aren’t you?” she asks.

You nod curtly. “The one and only.”

She smiles. “Thought so.” There’s a pause as she doesn’t move from the doorway, and you just wait, awkwardness filling every inch of you. 

Her next sentence throws you off the axis you’ve been spinning on for months now, and you just stare at her in disbelief. 

“You’re not with Jungkook tonight?” she asks.

You feel hot and cold at the same time, your heart rate picking up uncomfortably in your chest. Your palms turn clammy, and you wouldn’t be surprised if sweat appeared on your temples.

“I’m sorry, what?”

She frowns. “I thought Ari said…” she trails off, and then she shrugs her shoulders. “Whatever.” She smiles gently. “I’m happy he’s got you now.”

You think your eyes are bulging out of your head. They have to - the conversation isn’t making any sense, and you aren’t drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol.

“What?”

Her frown reappears. “Aren’t you two dating now?”

You laugh. It’s a sad, pathetic laugh, and Gabrielle looks at you like you’re crazy.

“He cheated on me with you,” you say. “Why would I be dating him?”

The frown falls, replaced by utter surprise. Her mouth opens on a silent ‘Oh’, like she wants to say something but doesn’t know what to say. It takes her a few seconds to collect herself, and then she says, “Non mais putain qu’il est con.”

You don’t speak French, so all you can do is cock an eyebrow quizzically. And then she lets out a small disbelieving laugh, shaking her head.

“I told him to tell you,” she says, and she closes her eyes, pinches the bridge of her nose. “But he’s really stupid sometimes.”

“I’m sorry?”

She offers you a small smile bordering on pity, and you brace yourself for what she’ll say next.

“Fille, I’m gay,” she says. “Jungkook was always only pretending to be my boyfriend so my family wouldn’t know. I didn’t know about you when I kissed him in Paris, and I only kissed him because Ari was growing suspicious.” 

You think you’re frozen in place. Like, stared into Medusa’s eyes and turned to stone frozen in place. All you can do is stare at Gabrielle, unblinkingly, as her words spin round and round in your head, caught in a dizzying tornado you can’t follow.

“I told him to tell you,” she repeats, and she sounds far too apologetic for the erratic beating of your heart. For the realization that she just hit you with.

You think she hit harder than a physical slap would have.

“What?” you say, voice small and weak and oh so broken.

Months. You’ve been breaking for him for months… and for what? For a promise he refused to break, one that would have explained everything in a way that would have made you work.

You would have forgiven him, no hesitation. Hell, you reckon you would have told him you loved him, would have told him you wanted to be with him from now on until you turn to dust.

But he had to choose to respect a promise he made years ago, to an ex that wasn’t really an ex after all, was she?

Just a friend from high school.

She was, after all, just a friend from high school.

She nods. “Yeah. He told me all about you.” She smiles again, though this time it’s just sad, like she knows just how shattered you are over this man. “I was rooting for you two.”

“He didn’t tell me,” you whisper as if Gabrielle hadn’t already pieced that together. “Why?”

She sighs. “He’s stupid,” she says as an explanation. “He’s the kind that’ll sacrifice himself if it means helping someone else. I suppose you know that already.”

You nod, because you do.

He sacrificed himself for you last semester when you got home crying on Valentine’s Day. And he sacrificed countless parties over his promise to Taehyung to look after you.

And he sacrificed you to protect Gabrielle’s secret.

“Holy shit,” you let out.

“Talk to him,” she says softly. “Go talk to him now. I’m not letting him lose you over me.” She scoffs, the frown she’d sported earlier returning. “I should have realized before. That he didn’t tell you. I’m sorry.”

Your gaze widens, and you shake your head no. “Oh, no, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

It’s not your fault if he broke my heart.

It’s always just been his fault, hasn’t it?

But then again… you know now. You know that he never cheated on you, that he was right when he was saying that it wasn’t what you thought it was. 

You know that he was there, with you. That he felt for you what you felt for him, that he was chasing cars around your head, too.

And if there’s a chance you can salvage that, repair two hearts in one stone, you know you have to do it.

“I have to talk to him.” You say the words with quiet conviction, and Gabrielle nods, offering you an encouraging smile. “Fuck.”

“Go to him, fille,” Gabrielle says. “And tell him he’s an enfoiré for me.”

You highly doubt you’d be able to repeat that word, yet you still say, “Will do.”

And then you take off, entirely forgetting that you had to pee. You have one goal in mind, and it’s to run home, where you know he has to be according to what Taehyung said. You don’t even stop to text him, to confirm that he really is.

No, you run down the stairs, through the crowd and outside. The front lawn isn’t as crowded as earlier, and you easily make it to the sidewalk, skidding to a halt just long enough to change direction. 

And then you’re running home. Running home to him, your heart beating wildly. For the right reason this time. And as you run, lungs struggling to get enough oxygen in, thighs burning with heat, you feel infinite. You feel like you’re a star in the sky above, or maybe the moon returning to her lover. You feel like a bird soaring high, like a dolphin riding the waves.

You feel young and old and small and big, all at once. Like nothing is ever going to stop you again. You feel in love, you are in love, and after all the months of suffering, you reckon it’s the most beautiful feeling you’ve ever experienced.

You didn’t know you could sprint like you are right now, yet even though your body is straining, you’re not slowing down. You’ve pulled your phone out of your pocket to make sure it doesn’t fall as you run, yet you don’t slow down.

You can’t slow down anymore, not when your gravity finally aligned with his again.

Like it was always meant to be. Because it’s always been meant to be you and him, hasn’t it?

You make it home in a record time, climbing up the stairs… only to realize you don’t have your keys. They are back at the dorms, but it’s too late.

You try the door, and to your surprise, the doorknob turns, and you barge into your home, barge into this life with him.

You catch your breath as you stop in the hall, doubling over when you realize you’ve actually ran - sprinted - for nearly a mile. You’re lucky the frat house wasn’t further away - you highly doubt you would have made it home if it was any further.

“Y/n?” Jungkook says from his bedroom.

You straighten, trying to catch your breath. And the second your eyes land on him, you know it was all worth it.

Every single second of suffering was worth it to be here with him tonight.

“Jungkook,” you say in between two heaving breaths.

He’s shirtless, his honey skin just as warm as you remember it to be. He’s in fact only wearing grey joggers, and his hands are lost in his pockets like he’s trying to look nonchalant.

The concern on his features tells you he, as a matter of fact, isn’t as nonchalant as he’s trying to appear.

“Shit,” you let out. “Jungkook.”

“Yes?”

You laugh. You know you might look crazy, but you literally just ran a mile for this man, and each foot was worth it. 

The grandest journey of your life, wasn’t it?

“She told me,” you say.

He cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Gabrielle told me everything.” You surprise yourself by blinking away tears, and you let out a small laugh as you go to dry them.

Jungkook remains silent, just staring at you with horror slowly inching into his gaze. You don’t know how, or why, but it only occurs to you then that he might not be alone right now. 

“Kook?” you whisper, unable to say it louder.

Not when you’re slowly crashing down from the high.

“Y/n, I…” he trails off. He closes his eyes, head hanging low. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

You gulp as you swallow. “Yeah, huh.”

You look down, noticing a pair of sneakers you’ve never seen before.

It takes all of the courage you can muster up to look back up when the door of the bathroom opens, revealing a dishevelled Lisa, in only a t-shirt you recognize all too well.

You’d used to sleep in that t-shirt, too.

Lisa sees you after you see her, turning beet red. She’s naked under Jungkook’s shirt, or at least you think she is.

You assume she is considering that he’s shirtless too.

“Oh,” you let out.

Choke out might be a more appropriate word. Because you’re crashing, and you’re crashing hard. Hitting the wall at 120 mph, splattering on it until there’s nothing left of you. Nothing left of that hope you’d found at the party, the hope Gabrielle had so kindly gifted you even though she owed you nothing.

Someone’s screaming. You think someone’s screaming - is it just in your head?

“Hey, Y/n,” Lisa says awkwardly. “Didn’t know you were here.”

“I live here,” you reply, voice empty of any emotion.

She purses her lips, nodding once, and then she hesitantly walks out of the bathroom. “I’m sorry I… I didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”

Neither did you. Neither did Jungkook - it would have saved everyone a whole lot of breaking if you’d known. 

If you’d known that having hope for Jeon Jungkook was futile and useless. 

How could you even think you were meant to be with him? There is no universe for you and him out there. Just different worlds of breaking. Because it’s all your soul knows how to do - all your soul knows is to break for him, to shatter and crash and fracture for the man standing in front of his opened bedroom door.

“No worries,” you say, though this time your voice does wobble.

This time, the pain does colour your tone in heartbreak blue.

Jungkook just remains silent, like he’s suddenly gone mute. You think it’s better like this - if he were to say anything right now, you think you’d likely break down here. Instead, you take a deep breath, pat your pockets and say, “I think I forgot my keys at the party.”

Unable to help yourself, you glance towards Jungkook once. He meets your gaze - he looks infinitely pained, the heartbreak stark on his features too. There’s some reassurance in knowing that he’s breaking, too. That you’re doing it together. 

Heartbreak isn’t as lonely when you’re doing it together. 

“How did you…” Lisa trails off, but she doesn’t finish.

She falls silent, clearly hearing the screaming in your head too.

You’re outside a second later, carefully closing the door behind you. Carefully severing the rest of your relationship with Jungkook, until all that is left is the memories.

You take a step back, looking at the door, thinking he might open, might come see you.

Thinking he might be your home after all.

But he doesn’t, the door staying stubbornly closed. You get the message - your souls were never meant to merge. The songs that you thought were about him, about you, about the two of you together, they were never about you. You were never meant to lie down and forget the world with him. 

Or maybe you were, but it came with an expiration date.

You reckon you and Jungkook have always had an expiration date. You just forgot tonight, became blind to it thanks to false, treacherous hope. And so you leave, walking down the stairs as you blink away the tears that are clinging to your waterline.

You embrace the heartbreak, let it sweep through you until you think it’s all you’ve ever known. And like a true companion, the heartbreak carries your steps through the night.

Prev | Chapter 13.5 | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

do I feel bad for the amount of angst I wrote into this story? Maybe a little. I promise one day things will get better for these two, but in the meantime, what did you guys think?

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[anna-scribbles]

see my unfortunate vision

horrible post incoming

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

Happy Hawthorne Christmas:

merry christmas to everyone reading this!! I hope you all have wonderful days, I thank you all very much for your love and support 💖💖 lowkey these headcannons are so bad so sorry but I wanted to make a post for xmas

taglist: @lovethornes @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @fleuriosa @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31 @loveinalocket @lanterns-and-daydreams @hermesenthusiast @eternal--dream

- every time rohan puts up mistletoe to kiss savannah under grayson takes it down

- libby does the twelve days of cookiemas

- xander makes an ornament of himself and puts it on the top of the tree because he is (quote) ‘the star of the family’

- grayson will return anything you get him for xmas

- jameson, xander and even grayson constantly make jokes about nash being one of santa’s elves (because he’s the shortest of the four of them)

- gigi once got a sugar high on candy canes and went around the house screaming christmas songs until she passed out

- avery has a whole drawer dedicated to christmas fluffy socks which she collects religiously and ONLY wears at christmas

- as a joke jameson stole and hid a pair and let’s just say… it wasn’t pretty

- max can recite every christmas movie known to man

- grayson knits christmas sweaters

- gigi starts christmas in august

- she has the brightest, craziest, rainbowest decorations ever that send grayson into a COMA

- xander eats his whole advent calendar on day one

- grayson 100% can play a violin solo of carol of the bells

- when the boys were little and tobias (ew) was strict about presents and christmas and just anything that resembled childhood joy, nash started the transition that the boys would open one present altogether on Christmas eve

- this was continues after tobias died

- nash gets cold so easily

- he also hates the snow for this reason

- BUTTTT libby loves snow so when she asks if he’d go on a snowy walk with her he practically bolted out of that door

- the christmas after emily died was the hardest christmas for jamie and gray to even be in the same room

- xander bought max a reindeer one year and they named it mince pie

- grayson = angel gabriel… need I say more

- gigi and xander always team up to find where their christmas presents are hidden

- seeing this nash and grayson play a little trick with really bad fake presents for them to find

- grayson refuses to start christmas until halfway through December

- christmas competition is a big part of a Hawthorne Christmas, along with secret Santa, there’s giant gingerbread house construction, best Christmas karaoke, ugliest christmas sweater and best christmas tree decorating competitions

- xander still believes in santa

- grayson is like one of those mum’s at christmas that will scream at you if you dare put a decoration in the wrong place on the tree

- he also colour coordinates all of his decor (silver and blue)

- rohan buys everyone socks

- jameson usually forgets he has to actually buy gifts for people (except avery)

- avery writes a letter every christmas to her mum that basically talks about her life that year, she seals the letter and never opens it and knows he mum reads it somehow somewhere

- drink or dare is always played at a hawthorne christmas

- savannah cannot wrap a present to save her life whereas rohan is practically an expert

- so naturally he loved to annoy her about it

- jameson wrapped himself up for avery to open

- one year gigi and xander were left to christmas dinner… that was the year the whole kitchen blew up and they ordered takeout instead

- avery and jameson have a tradition that every christmas eve they light a candle for avery’s mum and wait for it to burn out completely

- despite being a dancer lyra is horrible at ice skating

- when her and grayson went together she practically held onto him for dear life

- rohan never had christmas as a kid

- nash hates hot chocolate but didn’t have the heart to tell libby until three years into their relationship because she’d always make him cups

- avery always donates money away to charities at christmas

TIG masterlist

[gigigazelleloves]

As a person of colour with an immigrant mom and grandparents, Carlos's coming out story is one of the most realistic I've seen.

I love how they make it clear that his parents aren't ashamed or full on homophobic, they just feel uncomfortable cause there dealing with something they never thought they would have to deal with before.

It's kind of like how before coming to Canada, my Grandmama knew what snow was, she just never thought she would have to deal with it hands on and tried avoiding doing so.

Unfortunately by showing that they were uncomfortable, it made Carlos uncomfortable in his own sexuality. Not just his sexuality but things like interacting with people of the opposite gender and showing PDA to TK. It's a huge part of Latin American culture to be aware of such things (coming from someone from the Caribbean) and since a lot of immigrant communities that parents or grandparents may currently be a part of still thinks this way it is easy to have those thoughts transpired to you, even if you're "westernized".

The thing I love though is that his parents (specifically his mom) recognize and apologize for pushing their discomfort onto him and change their viewpoints. They apologize with a way of realizing their son, even though they raised him, is still a separate human being from them (to a certain extent; Mrs. Reyes still has her Carlitos) and that Carlos has feelings too. They talk directly to him like he is a human being. They also make it clear that they were in the wrong in the situation and don't put the blame on him for how they reacted, which is something that unfortunately happens a lot when children are finally given the apology they need from their parents.

Bottom line: Andrea and Gabriel (RIP my dude) are some of the best, of not the best parents in Lone Star and that I wish we could see more storylines like this in the mainstream media. It would help address a lot of the issues faced by people in similar situations like Carlos.

[carlsdarling]

okay, now i need a fic about carl's gigantic balls😔😔😔

Jingle balls, jingle balls

Y/N wonders if Carl really has gigantic balls... Bit more of a plot, then sex. Everyone is 18 or over.

WARNINGS: smut, nsfw, unprotected sex, oral (male receiving)

As so often, you watched Carl as he helped Olivia to carry groceries into the warehouse. To do this, he repeatedly climbed into the back of the pick-up truck parked outside the warehouse and the fabric of his jeans stretched over his crotch, leaving a visible bulge. You giggled furtively, because ever since a certain day, you'd been a little obsessed with Carl and what was going on under his belt.

That was when Negan had first come to Alexandria with his men to demand supplies, and when two of his men had gone to get medicine from Rick's house, Carl had angrily stood in their way and threatened them with his gun. You had heard the gunshot from the house and seen Rick, Negan and Gabriel rush to Rick's house, so you had followed them, curious and worried at the same time.

Inside the house was Carl, his one eye glinting with rage, his cheeks flushed delightfully as he pointed the gun at Negan's men and forbade them to take the drugs. The muscles on his arm and neck were tense, and he ignored Negan, who approached with amusement and began to admonish Carl. But Carl was not intimidated by Negan, so the latter finally got a little annoyed and said: "So, dude, at what point were we? Oh yes! At your gigantic balls down there!"

The blush had rushed to your face and you had struggled to suppress a giggle despite the dangerous situation, so Gabriel had looked at you in bewilderment and confusion. You had thought Carl was cute ever since he had come to Alexandria, but since that day, you kept trying to imagine him naked and wondered if Negan was right with his comment.

However, you and Carl didn't get close at first because he spent a lot of time with Enid, and eventually he and Enid became a couple, which made you jealous. But around the time of Carl's 19th birthday, things started to fall apart and a few months later they had a big fight and broke up, leaving Carl single again. Faced with this fact, you were all excited, but at first you just couldn't find a way to get closer to Carl.

Until the day you happened to be assigned to guard duty together. It was a few days before Christmas and Alexandria was already festively decorated; it was snowing lightly as you and Carl climbed the stairs to the wall.

You kept glancing stealthily at Carl from the side. He was wearing a parka against the cold, so you couldn't catch a glimpse of his crotch, but you were firmly convinced that Carl was well equipped, and Negan's words kept coming back to your mind.

It didn't take long for Carl to notice your strange behavior. "What's wrong?" he asked with a hint of irritation. "Why do you always stare at me like that?"

You immediately blushed. "What? Like what?" you tried to deny it.

Carl looked at you with raised eyebrows, snowflakes settling on his bandage. "I don't know. But you're always gaping at me like you're trying to figure something out." Your face grew even hotter, and Carl grinned knowingly. "You have the hots for me, haven't you?"

"No," you immediately denied it.

"No? Too bad," Carl said casually. "I mean, I'm single again, and we could have some fun." He pointed to a vacant house near the wall. "There don't seem to be any walkers out today anyway. No one will notice if we disappear for a while." He winked indecently at you. "But it's not like you're interested." He shrugged his shoulders.

You cleared your throat. "Umm, I wouldn't put it like that. It's just..."

"What?" Carl eyed you with amusement.

"Well, Negan made a remark about your balls back then." You giggled, embarrassed. "I've always wondered since then if it was true. Well, that they're gigantic."

Carl laughed out loud. "Okay, so they're not small," he let you know in a teasing tone. "Neither is the rest. But don't you want to find out for yourself?" He stepped closer so that his breath brushed hotly across your cheek.

The arousal swept over you like an electric shock. You could smell Carl's scent very clearly, his long hair tickled your face and his pheromones mesmerized you. You and Carl had never been this close before. His lips almost touched yours. "Yes," you breathed, your heart pounding wildly.

"Come on then," Carl said, taking your hand after looking around and realizing that no one was watching you. He pulled you down the stairs and over to the abandoned house. New residents were due to move in these days, so the heating was turned up and it was comfortably warm.

Apparently Carl had been pretty needy since breaking up with Enid, because he pulled you into a hug as soon as he closed the front door behind you both and kissed you fiercely, his hands sliding under your clothes and immediately fumbling with the clasp of your bra. "Bedroom," he murmured as he pushed you towards the stairs. On the way up, you were already stripping off some of your clothes. You admired Carl's naked torso, the finely chiseled muscles, the fair skin, and the soft line of dark hair that led down from his navel.

You fiddled eagerly with Carl's belt. "I want to see you," you said breathlessly, licking at his neck.

Carl groaned, shoved your hand aside and undid his belt and the buttons of his jeans himself before sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling down his jeans and boxers. His cock was standing straight up, the tip touching his stomach and leaving a wet trail. You grabbed Carl by the shoulders and made him lie on his back, then you took his cock in your hand and began to gently rub up and down and apply pressure. Carl whimpered and squirmed on the bed, his eye closed. You let go of his dick and turned your attention to his balls - indeed, they weren't gigantic, but they were big, one almost filling your entire hand. "Are they always this... full?" you teased him, caressing his balls, swirling your tongue around his red, precum-oozing tip.

Carl whimpered and grinned sheepishly. "Maybe not quite so full," he whispered, his voice hoarse with excitement. "It's just, uum, I've got a bit of blue balls, if you know what I mean, oh please, don't stop." He groaned lustfully and bucked his hips up as you playfully licked his balls.

You leaned over Carl to kiss him and he yanked impatiently at your panties, slipping them over your thighs and shoving his long fingers between your legs. "You're already so wet, baby," he gasped, gripping your hips. Very slowly, he pushed his dick in.

You trembled with pleasure, and he chuckled, while his cock sliding inside you, making naughty slippery noises. You clenched your muscles around him, and he started moaning loudly, arching his back. You leaned forward and touched his big balls at the same time, gently massaging them, and this almost drove Carl over the edge, he was so close to cumming, but he successfully held himself back.

The way his dick was stretching you out was amazing, and you whined loudly, which made Carl grin. "It's not just my balls that are big," he joked.

"Oh my god, Carl," you moaned and the movements of your hips became faster and more erratic as you felt the orgasm approaching. When you cum around his cock, Carl feverishly bucked his hips, he let out a little scream and his cum filled you up to he rim. You had to grip onto his shoulders for support. "Going wild, huh?" you panted. Carl lied back, exhausted, he tried to catch his breath.

You collapsed on top of him, your head resting in the crook of his neck, before you dismounted him to snuggle up to him.

Carl looked at you, his cheeks still flushed, his heart beating hard. "That was... beyond words," he whispered and kissed you. You touched his balls again, and Carl inhaled sharply.

"They're not so full anymore," you said, giggling.

Carl smiled a little bashfully. "You took care of them, didn't you? But you have to admit, they're really big," he hinted with a pout.

There was no denying it. "They are," you giggled. "So is your dick."

Carl suddenly pressed you into the mattress and lay on top of you, gently spreading your legs. You could clearly feel that he was ready for you again. "Since you liked it, can we do it again?" he suggested. "Again and again," you mumbled as Carl penetrated you a second time.

--

Tags: @knochentrocken0808 @xxcarlswifexx @taylormarieee @tessasweet

(Originally the fic was planned for X-mas time, but then my dad passed away, so it got delayed)

[fabseg-creator]

Miraculous rewriting: Chloenette AU (Christmas Special)

This is the rewritten version of the Miraculous Christmas Special

Prologue

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Time for the rewriting !

Santa Claws (Christmas Special):

The story happens before the Volpina episode (like in canon).

Marinette and her parents give Christmas log cakes for their customers: Alya, her Césaire family (Otis, Ella, Etta and Marlene (Nora wasn't in Paris), Alix and her father, Rose and Juleka, Nadja and her daughter Manon, Nino and Sabrina.

Later, it's Chloé's and Daddy's turn to enter to the bakery.

Marinette is a bit of surprised to see her former "girl-" friend(?) (but still problematic friend) Chloé in there.

In this AU, when the two girls wish Merry Christmas each other (oddly but embarrassing), Chloé whispers to the bakery girl:

"But I tell you, Dupain-Cheng: It's just a mutual feeling for one exceptional day."

In same time, Sabine briefly glares at Chloé (Marinette's mother still considers Chloé as a bad influence). 😡 The rich blondie girl is worried about that. 😰

After Chloé and her Daddy For this story, Socqueline comes to the bakery. For this scene, Marinette feels unpleased to see Socqueline again. She remembers the day when Socqueline has intervened at the Grand Paris and inadvertly disturbed the private moment between her and Chloé (read the Prologue).

Socqueline says "Hello." and "Merry Christmas !" to the Dupain-Cheng family. And Tom and Sabine happily answer idem to the old teenage girl. Marinette says the same thing but with a bored tone.

Socqueline asks to her ex-friend while the latter gives the log cake to the former.

Socqueline: If it's about the last time, I'm sorry for disturbing you. I don't want to make lose your time. So be happy. Marinette (sighing): Forget it. I prefer to not think about that again, Socqueline. And today, it's Christmas. Take our gift and have a nice Christmas with your family. Socqueline: (sighing) I'm made aware you make your time good at school: School representative. New friends. I understand you don't need of me now Marinette. But I promise to you I made my best for you. (taking a cold sight, briefly impassive) What ever you think. 😒 (seemly becoming normal again and acting enlightened) And Merry Christmas everyone. 👋😊

While Socqueline is leaving the place with the log cake, Marinette feels culprit, remorseful about the cold sight Socqueline had previously held: "And what if ending any friendship with Socqueline had hurt her so much ? 😔"

Nextafter, Placide I.T., Adrien's bodyguard, comes to the bakery. So Marinette brings a gift she wants to give to Adrien. She asks to the Gorilla for give it to the blond boy and for wish to the latter a merry christmas too.

At the Agreste mansion, Adrien and Nathalie decorate the Christmas tree. But, like in canon, Adrien is in a bad mood: His father is not here for help him to decorate. And more, it's the first Christmas for the boy without her mom.

When Placide comes back to the mansion, he gives the Marinette's gift to Adrien who walks up to his bedroom.

At his room, an upset Adrien, in front of Plagg, expresses his angry toward his father because of his distant/neglectful behavior toward his family and his role as fashion designer. So the blond boy transforms into Cat Noir and flees from the mansion.

Like in canon, there is his song moment. During his run across Paris, under a snowy weather ❄, by expressing his hatred against Christmas, Cat Noir cataclysms a Gabriel advertisement. Later, he recomforts Plagg with the Marinette's gift (which is a red and white snow-decorated hat Mari had created).

At the Agreste mansion, Gabriel has accepted to join Adrien for spend Christmas with him (after being convicted by Nathalie). Unfortunately, while Gabriel came to Adrien's room for give a gift to him, he finds out his son is missing. And the police, the Parisians, Socqueline and Marinette (who transforms into Ladybug) work together for search and find the missing teenage boy.

In same moment, Adrien is wandering around Paris under a snowy weather. He meets a red-white clothed old man 🎅 who is bullied by two naughty children with insults and snowballs. Adrien defends the poor man and the two children's father tells to the two brats to apologize.

Later, like in canon, Adrien offers the Marinette's hat to the red-clothed old man. The latter is wondered by the blond boy's gesture. Normally, The old man is the one who gives gifts for other people but nobody gives any present to himself. (Yeah. He is "a" Santa. 🎅)

The Santa guy gives to the boy a drink of hot chocolate (and a cheese to allow the boy to feed Plagg). Adrien talks about his family issues with the man. And the old man convinces the blond boy to return back at home for making his family Christmas. So he brings the boy back to the mansion by a sleigh driving.

But, like in the original story, once the two characters are arrived at destination, Gabriel is angry toward the Santa man and shouts to him to stay away from his son. Ladybug intervenes and eventually assaults the old man by thinking he is an akumatized supervillain.

While Ladybug is chasing the old man, the latter becomes furious against the superheroin. In same moment, Gabriel transforms into Hawk Moth, feels the Santa's negative emotions and sends an akuma to the concerned one.

At outside, a ashamed Ladybug realizes the Santa man isn't akumatized and tries to apologizes. But the old man declines the red-black girl's ask and leaves the place by sleigh drive. Marinette/Ladybug now begins to understand how Socqueline could felt after she rejected the latter girl. (read the Prologue)

The man is even upset about the fact "there isn't anyone for respect Christmas. The old is in fact THE real Santa Claus. 🎅

Hawk Moth akumatizes Santa into Santa Claws. And the akumatized Santa causes chaos in entire Paris.

Like in canon, Santa Claws tells to Adrien he wants to avenge Christmas spiritual concept (for him and the boy's sake).

Even later, the dark Santa throws a present containing cockroaches on Chloé at the Grand Paris.

Because of the akumatized Santa's trouble across Paris, Ladybug and Cat Noir stand up against him. They eventually defeat him in same way as in canon. By offering a big fake present to the evilized Santa and trapping him for destroy the akumatized object: The Marinette's hat (which is used to be given to Adrien and later given to Santa Claus by the previous). The two heroes save Christmas.

After the battle, Gabriel is relieved to find Adrien. Father and son are going to reconcile each other. And at the same moment, Nathalie calls them about a group of visitors ahead the portal: They are the group of Parisians who participated to search the now found blond boy.

Marinette, Alya, Chloé, Sabrina, Alix, their five formers' families, Nino, Juleka, Rose, Kim, Max and Santa Claus are here. Even better, Socqueline is here too.

In this AU, Marinette has called Socqueline on phone between the Santa Claws incident and the reunion to the Agreste mansion. The bluenette told to her former "senpai" she is sorry about ending any friendship with her.

The conversation be like:

Marinette: Breaking our friendship you was a mistake, Socqueline. In this period, I am just pissed off about being overprotected. I felt like treated like a toddler. In fact, I wanted to be able to make my life by my own. Your gestures are based on good intentions and I misunderstood your actions. I feel so ashamed about hurt you at the mind. 😔 Tonight, I ask this request as a sincere friend: Do you want to come to join me at the Adrien's home ? Mom, Dad, my friends and a famous Santa Claus come to place for expressing our support to Adrien and his family after having found him safe at home. You helped us to find him like Ladybug and Cat Noir and even an unexpected guest. And it's christmas. Socqueline: Uh... Of course. I will go to join you. My mom too. I am surprised about how mature you acted and how well you changed since the previous school year. But I understood your feelings, Marinette. I've made my mistake of not trusting you enough in the past but I don't feel hostile toward you. I am proud of you. 🥰👍 Marinette: Thanks. So, can I say we are friends again ? 😌🥺 Socqueline: Of course, Marinette. And I still consider you as a good friend. 😊 Oh. I want to know who is this mysterious guest you are talking about. 😏 Marinette: The Santa Claus. 🎅 Socqueline (giggling): Do you still believe in the Santa ? Marinette: Just a Santa. But he is the one who brought Adrien back to home. Oh. I forgot another guest. You will be surprised this time. Socqueline: Who is it ? Ladybug ? Marinette: Chloé. But don't worry, she is okay for this Christmas. She even gave her contribution for the searches even if she did it for a few minutes under the snow. Socqueline: I see... Okay, I will come. 😎

Back to present. Like in canon, Gabriel invites them to enter to the mansion for the Christmas dinner. The people enjoy the moment on place.

Marinette, Adrien, Alya and Chloé and the other teens share their Christmas wishes. When Marinette and Chloé expressed their Christmas wishes (normal but joyfully this time), Socqueline comes to them and says to them: "Merry Christmas, Marinette. Merry Christmas Chloé."

The rich brat gasps to see her former enemy inside the mansion. And she is wondered that the latter politely talked to her. So, Chloé (with a minor disturbed tone, feigning a smile and holding thimbs up) answers to Socqueline: "Nice. Thank you. Uh... Merry Christmas to you. 😳🥴"

Next to Chloé, Marinette, Alya and Sabrina are smiling (like funnied). But the blond brat doesn't notice it.

During the dinner, a happy Adrien wishes a Merry Christmas to his "defunct" mother by watching the family portrait.

End of the Christmas story. And Merry Christmas to everyone. ✨🎄

[flightfoot]

Do you have any good fic recs on Ladynoir. Them just hanging out or being angsty? They don’t have to be long either

Hopefully these fic recs work out for you!

Veritas by writer_slk

The latest akumatized villain is filling the mouths of its victims with criticisms and complaints. If left unchecked, every relationship in Paris will be put at risk. While Ladybug and Chat Noir are trying to stop the villain, Ladybug learns something about her partner that she didn’t want to know and then says something she didn’t mean to say.

---

Imaginary Friend by Engineerd

Alya went back to typing on her screen. “You’re right,” she agreed. “All that pressure? No wonder Ladybug made herself a boyfriend.” “Chat Noir is not her boyfriend,” Marinette scoffed. In which Ladybug summons Chat Noir as her lucky charm one day. (She keeps summoning him.)

---

The Son of my Enemy by Saccha

Cat Noir never wanted to be a villain, but he doesn't have a choice. Ladybug wishes she could save him. A reverse love square, villain!Cat Noir AU.

---

you deserve to be loved and you deserve what you are given by thescuttlebug

Marinette is terrified, suddenly. She’s not like this. She’s not this kind of alpha, to get her head turned by any pretty pheromones she trips over. She’s not--she’s not disloyal, she’s not inconstant. Chat smells like moonlight, like the sudden shock of night air and the terrifying rush of leaping out into the empty dark, like deserted city sidewalks and unfamiliar corners: something midnight-metallic, something strange, something wild. Nothing like Adrien. Not a single note in common. She’s not like this. She’s not like this. He smells-- He smells-- “Ladybug,” Chat croaks, still staring at her. He smells stray.

---

Evergreen by tanyatakaishi

Everything was gone. The entire cityscape had been obliterated, leaving them in a valley of trees. Blue mountains, peaks dressed in snow, stretched tall in the distance and at their foot lay an array of vineyards, miles wide with no civilization in sight. AKA: two heroes lost alone in the woods with no cheese.

---

As the dust settles by Pengirl91

After Ladybug lost everything and yet her partner stood by her, she realized what she had been trying to lie to herself about for months. She is undoubtedly in love with him. The only problem is that she's terrified of what that could lead to and there's a monumental task ahead of them before it might be safe to act on her feelings for him... more than she already has. Post Strike Back with my hopes, wishes, and predictions for season 5 as I wait with great impatience. Now complete.

The meat of this story is mostly a SentiAdrien fic. Adrien discovers that Gabriel is Hawkmoth, so Gabriel orders him to stay silent about what he found out, as well as giving orders to help him with plans to obtain the Miraculous he needs. Luckily, he doesn’t know that Adrien is Chat Noir...

---

I (Wish I) Knew You by @buggachat

University has been hard on Marinette. Making new friends and maintaining her grades is a lot easier said than done when she has to disappear at odd times to fight akumas. She's struggling, and with Alya away with family and Adrien painfully out of reach, she's never felt lonelier. If only she could talk to someone who really understood her struggles... but it's not like Chat Noir would know anything about loneliness. Right?

Nice aged-up Ladynoir fic here! Marinette’s struggling with losing friends and lovers because of her flakiness due to her superhero activities, until at last she breaks down. Thankfully, Chat Noir’s there at least - and it soon turns out he’s got problems of his own that he’s been hiding.

There’s some fluff and angst, it’s mostly just the two of them navigating life, dealing with their feelings and talking things out.

---

To Have Loved by @trishacollins

Adrien struggles with the loss of children he never had, with a life he remembers living but that wasn't real. The only person who understands him is Ladybug, his wife and his children's mother. Sleeping alone is such an empty feeling. Together, they might make a start at healing. Or they might just make a new disaster.

I love Jubilation angst. Depending on how "real" that timeline felt, waking up could be devastating - and Chat WAS certainly devastated in that episode. It's akin to the Pevensie kids in Narnia growing up, becoming rulers, and then tumbling out of the wardrobe a couple decades later, the same age at which they left. Of course Ladybug and Chat Noir would cling to each other afterwards, the only other person who remembers that imaginary timeline.

That's not all this story entails, however. Gabriel isn't too happy about Adrien sneaking out as much as he has been, and he WILL get answers, one way or another...

---

in which chat noir comes up with an awesome gift for ladybug by @mixelation

If his Lady wants ultra rare Adrien Agreste merch, then that’s what his Lady will get! Written for the Miraculous Ladybug Secret Santa exchange.

This was really sweet and I love how mixelation wrote Adrien's internal narration! You really viscerally understood his thoughts and feelings. It had some of the intimacy of a first person perspective, but well, in third person.

---

Mamma Mia! by @ladynoirfanao3

When Marinette discovers she is pregnant, she is distressed to realize any of the three men she slept with in the recent past could be the father; Chat Noir, Ladybug’s partner and ex with whom she had gone through a tearful breakup - the mysterious Cat Walker, Ladybug’s rebound - or Adrien Agreste, Marinette’s current boyfriend. Bit of a twist on the base concept of Mamma Mia, where she doesn't realize all three potential fathers are, in fact, the same man.

So this is a fun little fic. I loved seeing Adrien and Marinette independently wrestle with the situation - Adrien, with maybe being the father of his former girlfriend's children (but maybe not), and Marinette, with needing to tell her former and current boyfriends that they might or might not be the father, and having to deal with a potential change in their relationship because of that.

Oh yeah, this fic is rated M, but the sexual content is relatively mild. The foreplay is detailed, but the actual sex is just implied.

---

Bend the World Around It by @kasienda

“Tell me it was real." She can’t look at him. She can barely stand the pain in his voice. She definitely can’t face it. “It wasn’t.” He shakes his head, and turns to her - his eyes swirling in their intensity. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Tell me that you were there. We were there together, having the same dream.” She squeezes her eyes shut. She wants to lie to him. She needs to lie to him. But she can’t. Lying would be like it never happened. But it did happen. And if it’s all they get to have, she wants him to know it. “I think we were having the same dream,” she whispers, unable to meet his eyes.

So this is an adorable Jubilation aftermath fic, with Ladybug and Chat Noir both mourning the loss of what only they remember, of a dream that never was. And them deciding that screw it, it may not have been real to anyone else, but it was real to them. They remember those years together, and they want to live together, if only during the times when they can afford to be missing from home. They remember being happily married, and crave that life.

---

(Drag) Kings And Queens by @entity9silvergen

Marinette sees one of her commissions on drag performer Chat Noir and a friendship is born. If only she could get her girlfriend Adriana to go to one of his performances… Adrien plays with a new side of himself through drag with some help from his new online friend Ladybug. If only his newfound confidence could help him work up the courage to tell his boyfriend Marino about it… Closeted T4T Drag AU based on buggachat’s tumblr post with lots of extra identity shenanigans.

So like entity says, this fic is based on one of @buggachat's tumblr posts.

Though it actually manages to be even MORE queer since both Adrien and Marinette are trans.

It's an utter delight! The drag performances are a treat, and I love the identity shenanigans XD. It's just a lot of fun.

---

Phantom Pains (and other hints of you) by @buggachat

She couldn't remember anything. Not where she was going, where she'd been, why she was in this stairwell, or even her own name. But as she watched the blood pool at the base of the steps, she at least knew one thing for certain: the corpse was hers. Getting used to being dead was going to have its growing pains. — “Well, unlucky lady,” Chat Noir greeted with a bow, “Can I get your name?” “Didn’t we just talk about this? I told you, I don’t remember it.” “And I told you,” he reminded, “that you can just pick whatever fits you best.” — Ladybug and Chat Noir may not remember who they once were, but at least the two lost souls can find comfort in each other's company. But as Ladybug starts uncovering more and more memories of her life, letting the past go doesn't seem as easy as Chat Noir claims it to be.

So this is a beautiful, sweet, tragic love story of two lost souls wandering around with each other, yet with Ladybug still desperately wanting to be found, to remember who she was - and wanting to know why Chat so adamantly wanted to stay amnesiac. It's got some neat worldbuilding, and some fantastic prose. It's just a really nice little story!

[grandturtleperson]

It’s kind of contradictory, but a villain who is bad because he is currently in a state of actively choosing evil (meaning he still has the capacity to choose good) is much more interesting than the morally innocent person who was abused into villainy and is stuck there.1 This is something that the TV show Evil understands very well—I need to do a full review of this show at some point, because it’s great, partly due to the fact that demonically-influenced villains are so wicked and joyous. They have fun being horrible. It really can be fun to be horrible! Leland, the major villain, is especially delightful: he’s a morally depraved psychologist who encourages other people into wicked acts. We do get some tragic backstory for him—he claims that in high school he was bullied every day by a cruel bus driver, and so he sold his soul to Satan to get revenge. Our heroes look into the story and find out that he lied: he never rode the bus to school, but the bus driver did happen to die in a horrible accident, a detail that Leland exploited in his quest to gain sympathy. The fact that he lied is actually much more interesting than if his story about being bullied were true. It avoids easy x=y explanations—Leland is a bad person because bad things happened to him—and leaves us with a marvelous moral opacity. Why did he choose to be evil? We never really know. All we do get to know is that he enjoys it.

"the problem of evil, part 1", Lyta Gold, LYTAGOLD.SUBSTACK.COM

Lyta Gold pins down a particular type of villain and then explains precisely why they often suck. She brings up Anakin Skywalker and attributes his pre-Vader boringness to the fact that "tragic backstory locks a character into his fate" and so "if he didn't and really couldn't have chosen otherwise, then there's no more conflict in him."

The excerpt above comes when she contrasts Leland with baddies like Coriolanus Snow from the hunger games prequel whose character arc mainly follows that well-worn formula of: tragic backstory + choice not to overcome or ennoble said tragic backstory = irredeemable villain.

I like that we never know that much about Leland's past (except something vague and embarrassing to do with playing tuba in his high school marching band). As Gold points out, his brand of evil is not tied to a tale of woe - which, even if it exists, we remain ignorant of - but instead is deliberately chosen every day and plainly relished. Another villain who is utterly without conscience just because is Gabriel from Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles. I've never wanted so badly to punch a character in the face (and then remove his face via his head) like I did reading these books so that makes him the most successful villain in my experience.

[asphaltsugar]

show me your teeth

gabriel van helsing x reader — 1.2k

extras: reader is a little confrontational? idk how to explain it; brief religious talk; no use of y/n; inspired by ‘teeth’ by lady gaga; definitely not canon from the movie and i took a few creative liberties but i do not care! oops; just a little treat for myself and any others with finals coming up! good luck y’all x

────────────── gif: @count-v-dracula

There was talk of a wolf.

Girls clutched skirts and locked doors, placed steel that caught weary light atop nightstands with just-lit candles. Boys stood with gaps in their teeth and stakes sharpened by an amateur and excited hand, the tips of their fingers going numb from the cold.

Everyone walked with their feet meeting the snow-kissed ground in steps barely that of a blink. Word was light, hushed; anything louder than a whisper would hide the snarl from its spit-slicked throat.

Inside the church, prayer in the minds of those kneeling with hands clasped was the sole conversation. Lips were sealed in the same manner of the fingers laced towards the point uplifting the cross to the evening sky. Blood freshly dribbled from wooden porches and lanterns creaking weakly in the wind and his steps were blatant in the snow—Van Helsing, the one who would cleanse the fear in beating hearts and panicked eyes, an answer to their worship, and a wanted one, though the town was so deep in the land word of mouth rarely reached the purity that lined the shells of their ears.

You were the only one that spoke with a volume to be heard, not guessed, and it was only to him, for his canines seemed a little too pointed, tears in his clothing too frequent in the candlelight of the hallways and gazes of saints. He said the weapons he kept at his thighs and waist were bound to snag the fabric, but wouldn’t a famed monster hunter handle such an issue to not be a worry? Killing wasn’t for those with a weak heart and thin blood, he told whoever fawned at his feet with wide eyes, and yet someone with a repertoire as grim as his would have perfected the act.

Did he think you were too naïve, maybe having been opened and toyed by those whose voices quivered at the mere mention of what lurked in the hours of the night with only the moon’s solace? Your living in the church certainly didn’t do any justice at your defense, the most holy place almost mocking your interest in those that couldn’t be described as such, leaving the implied lines of the town some nights prior and having heard his name with a threatened bark and bite.

The first time he arrived back in the early light of the morning, the oblivious demeanor of the town made itself known. You sat in front of him after having been told to offer care to his wounds, and you furrowed your brow at the fact; this was nothing. He must have had past scars deep to cracked bone, and yet they insisted you aid your guest. Scratches lined at his arms, and he had apologized at his rather taboo presence, what with his blouse bloodied and set aside from being in the way. You assured him bluntly that it was fine, justifiable; the statues looked much the same, to which he exhaled a dry laugh, agreeing with a shrug of a shoulder.

People said he needed more time. Days had passed, and he had not proclaimed the monster slain and the town safe. When he did come back to the church, you watched from sharp corners as red glass encasing restless flames—the only remaining light so late, the sun just barely coming to—pronounced the angles of his face. He brought with him a sweat, sticking and shining against his skin, dirt set into his nails, and weapons clean of blood or any struggle.

Admitting his defeat would, as ironic as it would sound, be just the thing to rid the paranoia now riddled in passerby.

There was an odd excitement in knowing you could be right, that the exact thing that was feared was invited without a second thought, though you had to confirm it. 

The moon was to be, like clockwork, a full mimic of the sun, its shape giving rise to what could not be seen in the latter’s company. He left with a nod at whoever he passed, and you sat in the room he had been so kindly offered that first day. (Of course he would come back with a mumble of defeat to whoever asked, because he would first have to announce his leave to those same folk.)

Hours passed. The heave of the door and his heavy footsteps were familiar to your ear at the time that the ornate hands gesturing to roman numerals told with gentle ticks. You quickly rushed to the window, peeking through the sliver of glass to eye the curve of moonlight that was to be set to rest—just enough for parts of him to still maintain their monstrous shape, tied to the presence of the moon like a desperation.

Muffled, his brief words of dismissal melded with the soles of his boots as he neared his room; you stood at the foot of his bed when he opened the door. His brows furrowed as he slowly took off his hat, snow melted into the brim, holding it at his chest.

His voice paired with a closing of the door. “I apologize, I did not expect you to be awake this early.” 

You crossed your arms, shrugging a shoulder with an innocent air. “Not early enough.”

A whistle of snow crawled along the exterior. “I’m not sure I follow.”

He watched your movement as you made the few steps to stand in front of him, glaring into delicate brown circling black; what did he see tonight? Anything to leave only his name behind?

“Show me your teeth.” A whisper, quick in its delivery, spitting from your mouth. It sounded similar to the prayer rushed tired in wary minds.

At the lack of a response, you continued. “What is there to hide, mister Van Helsing?” You placed a hand to the skin of his forehead before he could flinch. It came back slick, a shine left on your fingertips; you wiped it on the sleeve of his coat with disdain, not missing the dark bleeds. He merely stared with a crease still inbetween his brows.

You scoffed, grabbing the fabric in a fist, bringing him closer. It was still wet. “A man who kills what he is; this whole town unknowingly wants you dead, and yet you are still here.”

Something shone in his eyes then. Guilt, slight pride for having kept a façade—it was difficult to tell. He did not move from where you pulled him in, instead matching the disposition of your gaze.

He bit at the flesh of his lip. His hands clenched in the confines of his leather gloves. 

A knock at the door with a question of his name made his eyes dart to the engraved wood before diverting to yours once more.

They seemed a hint darker; maybe you hadn’t quite caught the color when he arrived. 

“If you are so eager, you’re welcome to join me to see for yourself.” He snarled, as if to echo what came from his throat hours prior, taking your hand clutching the blood smeared at his front in a rather delicate manner and pushing it towards yourself. 

He told whoever it was to come in; you muttered a curse under your breath, uncaring of it falling on saints’ ears; it wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before.

[werecreature-addicted]

Nature's medicine

this is my first time writing something long-form like this so if you don't like it take me out back and shoot me like ol Yeller.

werewolf!OC x gn! reader

warnings: smut, Aphrodisiacs, mentions of being sick, and poisonings, reader is gender neutral, and their parts aren't mentioned but they bottom.

word count: 4,300

summary: you've made it through the winter, the hardest part of the year for you and now the gentile, bountiful spring is here. You're an apothecary who collects plants in the wild to make medicines and tea to help soothe. Gabriel is a werewolf and a guard for a nobleman passing through the town you live. Gabriel knows two things the instant he sets his eyes on you first, he wants you, second, you spend your time in the woods gathering poison.

Spring was one of your favorite times of the year, it was always stressful to try and make it through winter when you already had so little to get by on, but with spring came opportunities. You could plant in your garden again, you could forage in the woods for edible plants and most of all it was bearable to be outside with the snow melted and the warm sun high in the sky.  You made a decent living, selling herbs and medicinal plants but that meant that you needed to save every year for the winter when the plants you sold were fewer and farther between. It was nice to have a bit more breathing room with your budget now. 

You were combing through the forest behind your house making a mental note of patches of wild greenery that looked promising when you found something truly delightful. A patch of long-stemmed helmet-shaped purple flowers. You knelt down next to the blooms and examed them closely. Wolfsbane. it was incredible to find some blooming this early in the year it usually didn’t show up until mid to late summer. You smiled and started collecting the deadly little plants. As far as most people knew, you sold medicine and spices only harmless plants. However if customers came looking for something a little more potent and had the right price, you’d been known to carry poisonous plants as well, and really there were so many more deadly plants than ones that were harmless.  

You covered the Wolfsbane with a cloth and piled chamomile flowers and sage on top and made your way down to the river that ran through the forest and started looking at the thick weeds that grew on the river bed. Nothing interesting. you didn’t think you’d see anyone in the forest but it never hurt to be careful.  You lived apart from the rest of your small town right on the edge of the woods away from the main clearing where most towns folk lived and worked. You didn’t mind the solitude, if anything you preferred it, you didn’t know if you could put up with noisy or rude neighbors. That being said, you were used to being completely alone when you were in your home or the woods that surrounded it. So when you heard the sound of men calling out to one another you froze.  You looked worriedly in the direction the voices were coming from and wondered if you should run.

Suddenly you were panicking, what if they found you collecting poisons? Oh god, what if they’d found out you were selling poisons and they were coming to arrest you? You were overcome with fear but surely if you ran you’d look all the more guilty. You saw the leaves shake on the far end of the river the choice was made for you, there would be no time to run, and you’d simply have to hold your ground. 

Two men pushed through the foliage and stopped short seeing you. One was dressed in leather armor and had a sword at his side, he was clearly a guard of some kind, big and well-muscled. The other man was slender and dressed in expensive-looking clothes, he must be the one being guarded. 

“Hello!” the nobleman called and quickly made his way over to you, you held your basket tightly but did not run. 

“Hello, do you live nearby?” He asked, enthusiastically, his guard remaining stoic.

“Yes, is there something I can help you with?” you asked cautiously. 

“My carriage broke down on the main road I was looking for help or a nearby town but My compatriot and I seemed to be lost,” he laughed. Very lost you’d say, the main road was quiet away from here. You relaxed a little. Of course, they weren’t here to arrest you, just a rich man and his guard lost on their journey. 

“I can lead you back to the main road from here,” you offered and turned to lead them but the guard spoke stopping you. 

“Wait,” he commanded and you froze looking back at him he was giving you a strange look you couldn’t place. “What's your name?” he asked. Before you could answer the first man interrupted. 

“Oh, how rude! We didn’t even introduce ourselves, I’m Count Ivan Richman and this is my knight Gabriel it's an honor to make your acquaintance my lady,” he said tripping over some roots to kiss your hand.  You introduced yourself curiously, Gabriel didn’t have any other questions for you, so you lead them back the way you’d come. It became clear to you extremely quickly that Gabriel was extremely competent, he moved easily over the uneven terrain of the forest floor without much effort and fell in step beside you. Ivan on the other hand could hardly put one foot in front of the other without tripping over himself. It took a lot longer than you were anticipating to just get back to your modest cottage. 

“Follow this trail until you hit the main town someone there should be able to help you with your carriage,” you said giving the Count a slight curtsy. 

“You've been such a help, I’ll have to find a way to repay you,” he said beaming at you.

“You really don’t have to,” you protested, 

“No, we will find a way to repay you,” Gabriel said, which surprised you, he’d been mostly silent the entire time you’d been walking. He pulled a flower out of seemingly nowhere and laid it on top of your basket before turning away from you and walking down the path you’d indicated. You watched them as they left before looking down at the flower he’d given you, a bright yellow Dafodil, a flower signifying spring. 

–

You loved spring, but it was also such a busy season for you, it felt like every second of the day there was something you ought to be doing. Drying flowers and leaves for tea, planting spinach or strawberries, mixing medicines, or digging up roots in the woods. You worked late into the night and when you finally did go to sleep, it was hard to get yourself back up in the morning to do it all over again. 

The sun streaming in brightly through your windows warmed your bedsheets, you’d already slept in too much if the sun was this high in the sky, but that just seemed all the more reason to stay in bed. Who knows how long you would have stayed in bed like that, wasting the day away, but there was a sudden knock at the door, and in a flash, you were out of bed and dressed, you don’t think that you’d ever moved that quickly in your life, but you were at the door in a respectable amount of time and opened it warmly to greet your visitor. 

It was Gabriel, you were a little surprised to see him, you’d thought he and Ivan had forgotten all about you. Looking at him now you couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit intimidated again. He towered over you and his broad frame took up almost all of the door frame, he didn’t have a sword with him but he was still in armor, you imagined that if he wanted to he could do some damage with just his hands. Despite all this, he was handsome he had dark hair that curled at the ends, and he kept having to brush it out of his face, you wondered if he had a wife or a betrothed, but you found yourself pushing the thought out of your head.

“Good morning!” you greeted cheerfully, you tried for a smile but Gabriel didn’t return it, and you stopped. “How can I help you?” you asked, Gabriel looked around whirly and leaned in 

“Is there somewhere we can speak privately?” he asked in a hush. You nodded and pulled him into your storefront. 

“Is this better?” you asked, calmly you’d seen the apprehensive look in his eyes a hundred times in other people looking for poisons. You wondered if he was planning on killing Ivan, but you knew you couldn’t ask. 

“The other day, you were gathering Wolfsbane,” he said slowly, suddenly you were less calm. You shifted uneasily from foot to foot, 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you denied. You were sure that you’d covered the flowers before the two men had stumbled upon you. It would be one thing if he’d heard whispers of an apothecary who also sold poisons, but the fact he knew what poisons you had, left you rattled.  

“I could smell it in your basket,” he said. 

That shouldn’t have been possible, you’d been collecting tea flowers and herbs, even if he did catch a whiff of what you were collecting there he was no way he could have smelled the wolfsbane, how could he identify it?

“You must be confused, I had camomile in my basket that day, I’d have no reason to collect a plant like a wolfsbane,” you doubled down. He took a step toward you and you jumped back, Gabriel froze and held his hands up placatingly to show he meant you no harm. 

“Maybe a human would be confused, but I’m a werewolf, my senses are better than yours. I can smell that you’ve kept it,  I don’t care that you’re making poisons in fact I’d like to buy one from you,” he explained. You felt your heart stop in your chest. A werewolf. Gabriel wasn’t nearly as violent as the stories had led you to believe. 

“Oh,” was all you could manage for a beat. You shook your head  “You said you wanted wolfsbane poison?” you turned your back to him and walked swiftly behind the counter, you knelt to the ground and lifted a floorboard, and selected a small vile from the hidden stash. You rose and showed him the vile

“Do you have anything smaller? I just need enough to make a person sick,” he said examining the bottle you offered him. You curled your hand around the bottle and pulled it back slightly. 

“You could have just asked for something to make you sick instead of going all out for poison,” you said, already thinking of what mix of plants you’d use, you supposed it would depend on what kind of sick he was looking for. 

“No,” he said shaking his head “werewolves are more resilient than humans, it has to be poison. If I make myself sick with Wolfsbane I won’t shift this full moon so I need just enough to make me sick, not enough to kill me,” he explained. You’d heard those werewolves took medicine to put off their lunar transformations, but you assumed it was some kind of magical concoction you were unfamiliar with, not some common position. 

“Right, just a moment,” you said, carefully you extracted a few drops of poison and put them into a separate container then added a diluent to help it go down smoother. You hesitated to give it to him. There wasn’t an antidote to wolfsbane if it was too much there would be nothing anyone could do. 

You weren’t sure why you cared so much, you’d sold poisons before, and you weren’t naive enough to think you weren’t in some way responsible for those murders committed but this felt different somehow, if he died it would be an accident and that made it different somehow. 

“You’ve done this before?” you asked cautiously. Gabriel shifted uncomfortably. No, he hadn’t.

“I know the measurements I should be fine,” he said. 

“I would feel more comfortable giving this to you if you allowed me to accompany you while you took it just so I could ease your pain while you were sick and do what I can to help,” you offered.  

“You’re braver than you look, asking to be alone with a werewolf during the full moon,” Gabriel responded, you didn’t think anyone could be that dangerous, werewolf or not if they were writing on the floor in pain. 

“I’ll make you a compromise,” he offered, “I’ll let you bring me medicine and make sure I’m alive, but you can’t stay.” you could live with that, you tilted the vile towards him and let him take it from your hands, your fingers brushing as he took it. He handed placed a small pile of gold coins on the counter, more than you usually charged but you figured you could keep the change if you were going to be making a house call. Gabriel gave you the address of where he would be staying on the night of the full moon, a remote home on the other edge of town, and promised he would open the door when you knocked. Then he left, and you got started on the rest of your busy spring day. 

–

You’d never paid much attention to the phase of the moon before, but now you were careful to check it every night, Gabriel had given you a date to look out for but his presence in your life had sparked a new curiosity in you. Aside from checking the moon, you started pulling out old apothecary books and looking for any mention of Lycanthropy. You found that werewolves would shift into a more animalistic wolf-like form on the night of the full moon unless they were sick or physically weakened, and yes Wolfsbane was a common poison used to achieve this effect. You also dug up all sorts of treatments commonly used to ease any pain left after shifting or to calm a werewolf’s potentially feral mind while they were in their wolf form. 

Over the course of the week while you were waiting for the moon to turn full you gathered a basket of things that you thought would help and medicines in small enough doses that he could treat himself. You left your home right at sunset. You knew the path well and had no trouble finding your way to the house Gabriel was staying at, Ivan had found other lodgings for tonight. 

By the time you reached the house, it was dark your path only illuminated by the full moon. It was kind of spooky, still, you’d come all this way, raised your hand to the door, and knocked. There was no response, and all at once you felt incredibly foolish, of course, he wouldn’t be able to answer the door, in the state he was in. You tried the door and it opened, so you let yourself in. 

The house was dark you blinked a few times to adjust your eyes to the lack of light. Eventually, you started walking through the house your hand on one wall to guide yourself. You called out for Gabriel once but there was no response you slowly checked each room, still cautious. You pushed a door open and there he was. 

You let yourself into the room and quickly went to his bedside, he was awake, breathing heavily in the throws of wolfsbane poisoning. You sat down on his bed and started taking in his appearance. His skin was a sickly pale shade, clammy to the touch and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked very ill, but he didn’t look like he was dying. That was good at least. 

You dampened a cloth and applied it to his forehead. “How are you feeling?” you asked softly. He reached out and grabbed your wrist and pressed your hand to his cheek. His skin felt disgustingly warm but you let him press his face into your palm. 

“I haven’t shifted, so it could be worse,” he croaked, his voice raspy. He looked up at you and his gaze softened. “You smell good,” he commented. You felt your face go hot, you didn’t know to respond to that, so instead you pretended like you hadn’t heard that. 

“Are you sore? How can I help you?” you asked lifting your basket of medicine up to the bed with your free hand. 

“You just being here feels good,” he breathed. Clearly talking to him wasn’t getting you anywhere. You studied him closely, only looking away when you realized he was looking at you just as intently. You took your hand from him and started digging through your medicines.

“Here, drink this,” you ordered handing him a vile of medicine. It should help settle his nerves and ease some of the pain. He tried to take the vile from you but it slipped out of his weak fingers, so you held it to his lips for him as he drank. It was odd, you’d been intimidated by Gabriel when you first met him, and when you’d seen him again that impression had solidified in your mind, now here he was laid out in bed unable to lift a bottle to his mouth. 

It wasn’t a completely fair comparison, you would probably be far worse in his position, if anything it was impressive that he was holding up this well. 

“Thank you,” he croaked, “I feel better already,” he assured you. 

“That shouldn’t be possible, it’ll take at least half an hour to feel the effects,” you said light-heartedly. Gabriel smiled weakly up at you, 

“Maybe it’s just you,” he said. You felt your face go hot again, you’d have to note that wolfsbane made the victim particularly flirty. The two of you fell into a peaceful silence. Gabriel drifted in and out of sleep and you stayed by his side monitoring his symptoms. It had been a while since you’d treated patients directly like this, you didn’t produce medicine strong enough to treat anything worse than a strong cold, normally your customers were concerned family members, and you kind of missed treating patients directly. 

“I know I told you, you couldn’t stay, but-” Gabriel spoke up before trailing off. He reached for you again but didn’t quite manage to take your hand again. You met him in the middle and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“I’ll stay,” you promised. He was already looking better, and suddenly you weren’t sure if that was a good thing. if the point of taking Wolfsbane was to make him so sick he couldn’t shift, wouldn’t making him better make it so he could shift? But he still looked so ill, surely he wasn’t well enough to shift. besides you were a trained healer, you didn’t think you could just ignore a person in pain.

 Gabriel looked up suddenly very awake and sat up. 

“You really must be feeling better,” you laughed, he did look much better, not as sweaty or as pale. He pulled you around the waist and pulled you close, you tensed up as leaned into you, bringing his face close to your neck but he didn’t seem like he was trying to attach you, or even kiss your neck, he was just… smelling you. 

“The things I could do to you,” he murmured, again it didn’t sound like a threat it sounded more like lustful musings. 

“Gabriel?” you asked shakily as he nuzzled your shoulder. He seemed to snap back to reality and pulled away from you, but just slightly, he didn’t seem ready to let you go.  

“What was that that you gave me?” he asked, he sounded calm but his eyes were wide, you thought quickly back to what you’d given him. 

“A tea blend, green tea, crocus sativus, ginger, cinnamon-” you listed it was all just antioxidants, things that would help relieve pain, then you froze. Crocus stivus, saffron, was a natural aphrodisiac, but it was such a subtle effect it shouldn’t have affected him like this, it was such a small dose. Maybe because his immune system was already so weak things like a pinch of saffron could hit harder than you were expecting. 

“It’s an aphrodisiac,” you admitted, as you realized what had happened. “I’m sorry you said werewolves were more resilient I didn’t think you would notice let alone, well this,” you apologized profusely. 

“I wouldn’t have thought it would have hit me like this either if you had told me,” he said, and then he was looking at you again, intense and full of longing. A dark curl fell in front of his eyes, you wanted to brush it out of the way so he’d keep looking at you that way. 

“Maybe it’s just because it’s you here with me that I'm reacting this way,” he breathed, 

“What does that mean?” you asked, matching his quiet tone

“It means I’ve wanted you since the second I laid eyes on you, and I wouldn’t need an aphrodisiac to feel this pull toward you.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t desire him in the same way but this was just all so sudden. Still, when he asked if he could kiss you, you said yes. 

His mouth was warm but not feverish, it had been a long time since you’d been touched like this. It set your blood on fire. He pushed you backward laying you down. 

Gabriel grabbed your hips and jerked your body towards him. With a dull pang of horror, you realized that his fingers had stretched and turned into sharp claws, with thick black fur extending up his hands and arms. Before you could even gasp, he raked his claws over your chest ripping your clothes to shreds, but he somehow managed not to cut your skin. His mouth traveled down your neck to linger kisses over your now exposed chest. You couldn’t help but react to his touch, arching up to his mouth and moaning. You covered your mouth trying to quiet your own sounds of pleasure. 

“There's no one here but us, be loud I want to hear you,” Gabriel instructed pulling your hand away from your face and pinning it to the bed. You realized just how much bigger his hand was than yours, he could easily how both of your hands in one of his with room to spare. 

Heat pooled in your stomach when Gabriel's lips found the skin of your hips. He pulled off the rest of the shredded clothes and spread your legs while his tongue trailed over your loins. 

“Can I? Can I please?” he asked, begged, his eyes locked on yours. 

“Yes,” you breathed. Gabriel kissed your inner thigh before he let his lips touch the apex of your legs. You couldn’t help but thrash as his tongue tasted you. Gabriel gripped your hips so you couldn’t escape his mouth. He couldn’t seem to get enough of your sex he couldn’t seem to get enough of you. You gripped his hair holding him just as tightly as he was holding on to you. You realized his hair had turned into wiery fur, and his ears were sharp at the end. But the idea that a shifting werewolf was going down on you right now didn’t bother you nearly as much as it probably should have. Even with his grip you could squirm enough to buck your hips up into his mouth and you did so over and over again as he continued to pleasure you. 

“I’m going to cum,” you groaned, even with your warning he didn’t slow down, if anything he seemed to be edging you closer and closer to your climax like he wanted you to cum on his face. You threw your head back in pleasure as your orgasm overwhelmed you. Gabriel pulled back, his face more wolflike than when he’d first gone down on you, his tongue dripping in your cum. 

He stood up to his full height, His clothes had fallen off as his body contorted and changed. He palmed his cock in one clawed hand, bringing your attention to his arousal. Again, you felt like you should be scared or at least intimidated, but all you wanted was for him to be inside of you.

“Do you want to keep going?” you asked him. 

“More than anything,” he growled, He was so much larger than you his body easily dwarfed you, you could feel his hard cock press against your thigh as he positioned himself over you, up close you could see how his original features still showed through in his more monstrous form. His eyes were still human still kind. He pushed into and you savored the deep growl that reverberated in his chest as he felt your soft walls envelop him. He drew his hips back before slowly pushing back into you, his pace slowly increased as the two of you found a rhythm. You pulled him into a kiss, his sharp teeth threatened to cut your lips, but the slight danger only thrilled you. 

“It was like you were meant to take me,” he growled as his pelvis snapped toward yours. He pressed a clawed hand down on your stomach feeling the bulge that formed every time he thrust into you. You tried to speak to tell him that he was making you feel just as good but when you opened your mouth he pushed his tongue past your lips, muffling any attempt at speech. 

You could feel a coil of pleasure building inside of you threatening to snap for the second time tonight. You dug your nails into his back, raking your fingers through the patches of fur begging to spread over his skin. 

“I’m going to knot you going to fill you up and make you mine,” he growled you could tell he was getting close to his own release by the way his thrusts were becoming erratic and his labored breathing. You were right there with him. 

“Make me yours,” you moaned. You were close to a second orgasm, overwhelmed with the pleasure and his closeness. You came just a few moments before he gave one final thrust pushing his knot inside of you and reaching his own high. Gabriel groaned and collapsed back onto the bed, curling up beside you, holding you close. You wondered if Gabriel would stay in town long enough for you to help with the next full moon. 

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 13.5 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter sort of contains mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: curses, anxiety attacks, mentions of jungkook trying to unalive himself during the summer, mentions of therapy, explicit content: implied sex

☆word count: 4k

☆a/n: my baby jungkook realizing he was dumb not to tell OC about gabrielle :((( hope you guys enjoy this one!!

☆series masterpost

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Jungkook has been sitting in his car for thirty minutes, looking at the apartment where his love for you grew and died. 

Though he’s been making progress with his therapist, seeing it feels like maybe he’s drowning, and he hasn’t been able to get out of the car despite the fact that he needs to go to the bathroom. He pulls at his piercings, thinking about you. Are you at home, or are you out and about? He thinks you’re probably working, as Taehyung mentioned in passing that you finish work late on Fridays, yet Jungkook isn’t able to move.

Especially not as every treacherous emotion he has for you comes back to haunt him, squeezing his heart in his chest.

He’s been doing better. He’s been trying to cut himself some slack, and to build a healthy distance between him and his family. Though it’s hard, Lisa has helped, and Jungkook will forever be thankful for her friendship.

For her being there on that July night when he almost ended things.

Jungkook sighs, running a hand through his hair. He knows he has to go in - he’d rather not stay in his car and let the engine run while being parked for any longer. Not that he can’t afford the gas - he just thinks it’s a waste and bad for the environment, so he forces himself to turn off the engine.

It takes him a few more minutes to gather the courage to go in, and he waits until he’s literally starting to sweat his ass off before finally opening the door and stepping out of the car. A warm breeze welcomes him, ruffling his hair, and he shuts the door behind him, locking the car over his shoulder as he walks towards the apartment. 

He stops at the bottom of the stairs, taking a deep breath to calm down the anxiety that’s threatening to overtake him. He reminds himself that it’s just you - no matter the distance between the two of you, you’re the only person that he’s ever felt understood him like you did.

Not even Lisa gets him like you do.

Yet he doesn’t want the ache and the pain again, not when he’s barely made it out this summer. So climbing the stairs takes everything in him, as does opening the door. But then it’s like the apartment is a quiet haven, and he steps in, the cool air a stark relief from the summer heat outside. He shuts the door, cutting off the scream of a cicada in the distance, and then he’s back in the space where you fell in love, remembering every little moment he spent with you without knowing he was about to lose you.

He feels at peace. He doesn’t know why, or how, but he feels at peace for probably the first time this summer.

“Hello!”

The peace threatens to crumble, your voice echoing in Jungkook’s mind as a short silence follows. He holds on to the peace, refuses to let it go, and then you speak again.

“Do you need any help?”

He does. He needs you, again, always, yet he knows it’s over. Knows he has to prepare himself for your presence in his line of vision - you appear a few seconds later, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen.

You’re beautiful. Your hair is longer, your skin sun-kissed, and your cheeks have a slight pink dust to them that reminds him of how much he used to love teasing you, just so that he can see that blush. Your eyes widen, yet they aren’t as pained as they’d been the last time he’d seen you.

Like maybe the time apart has healed you, too.

Jungkook takes in the sight of you, lets his heart try to rise to panic in his chest. But he doesn’t listen to the panic, only breathes in and out until the wave has passed. 

“Y/n,” he says, murmurs, and he hates that he wanted to call you peach, like your real name feels wrong in his mouth somehow.

“Jungkook,” you reply.

Your voice… His memory did not do it justice at all, and the pain comes crashing back, a tsunami that almost makes Jungkook stumble back. But he holds on strong, a rock against the wave.

He nods once, taking off his shoes if only so that you can’t see the pain in his eyes anymore. You don’t move, and he feels your gaze on him the whole time, so much so that, when he straightens, he can’t help but ask, “How are you?”

Your gaze widens a little more, if that’s possible. “I’m okay.” You nod once. “How are you?”

Good. Bad. Horrible. I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry.

All answers he can’t give you, so he settles on, “I’m chill.”

He needs to go. Needs to not be looking at you anymore lest he does something stupid, like run up to you and hold on to you. He’d never let you go, and the sadness that slowly invades your gaze breaks him too much, like suddenly the ending came back to your mind.

Came back to his too, and the guilt chokes his lungs, so much so that he starts walking to his room.

But then he stops, catching sight of something familiar on the kitchen table, and the pain recedes, replaced by the peace that welcomed him home. 

You’re eating Buldak noodles. You, who couldn’t stand heat last semester, are eating the noodles he used to make for you. It warms his chest, reminds him that not everything ended then, and he smiles softly.

“Want something to eat?” you ask.

It hurts. Far more than it should - he doesn’t deserve your kindness. And even though he wants to, even though he wishes he could pick up the pieces of you and him, he forces himself to say, “Thanks, but I gotta unpack.”

And then he walks the rest of the way to his room, his heart rate skyrocketing in his chest - he thinks he might go into cardiac arrest. He turns the knob, pushes the door open, yet he can’t move. He’s frozen there, feeling your eyes on him, wishing he could turn around and tell you that he spent every day this summer wishing he could rewind time and save you both the heartbreak. But he’s a coward, and he can’t say it, so he finishes walking into his room and closes the door behind himself.

He leans against it as panic wins once again, and he slowly slides to the ground, trying to focus on his breathing. On the grounding techniques his therapist taught him, and a few minutes later, he’s able to dampen his panic, his anxiety, until he’s able to breathe normally again.

If that’s how this semester is going to be, he has no clue how he’ll survive.

*****

Jungkook is nervous. He doesn’t know why he suggested to hang out with Lisa while everyone is going to a party at some frat he does not care about.

Actually, he does know why. His therapist suggested that he should try talking to other people, and he hasn’t been able to approach anyone, his feelings for you still as strong as ever, so Lisa it is.

She’s sweet. She’s been there for him through hell this summer, and some part of him feels like he owes her something. So when she asked if that was a date, Jungkook said they could try this one time and see where it goes. Lisa seemed unsure - she’s started talking to Mingyu more, and though they haven’t hung out just the two of them yet, Jungkook thinks it might be coming soon.

So maybe that, more than anything, is the reason why he asked Lisa, and not someone else. Because he knows that, despite the fact that she used to have feelings for him, it’s been morphing into friendship more than anything now, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.

Still, he worries. Still, he’s nervous. Because it’s not you, and though Lisa is a good friend, he doesn’t feel like he can fully be himself when it comes to her. Not like he could be with you, and though his therapist said he shouldn’t compare, he can’t help himself.

No one is ever going to compare to you.

Jungkook breathes in and out, wipes his hands on his pants, and then Lisa is arriving, and he remembers that she’s just a friend. That he has nothing to worry about when it comes to her.

When she asks him if she can kiss him, Jungkook doesn’t find it in him to say no. She kisses him all wrong, yet it’s been months. It’s been months and he should be moving on - you clearly have been. Your absence in the apartment, in his life, is proof of it. So he kisses Lisa back, tries to tell himself that it makes his heart race in his chest like kissing you does.

He hasn’t had sex since you, and it shows. He’s messy, unpracticed, and halfway through he realizes that he wants you. He wants to be with you, wants to hold you. Lisa notices his unease, notices he can’t stay hard, and she cups his cheeks and says, “We can stop, JK.”

He could cry. He could cry as he pulls out, and says, “I’m sorry.”

She smiles gently. “It’s okay, Jungkook. Don’t apologize, I get it.”

She gets up, throws his t-shirt on and Jungkook hates the way that it looks on her - it looked a lot better on you. While she goes to the bathroom, he tries to keep his panic at bay, to remind himself that he did nothing wrong tonight.

That no matter how much he loves you, he has to at least try and move on.

But then the impossible happens. The front door opens, and before you even speak, Jungkook knows it’s you. He hates it - hates that you had to come here tonight, to witness his weakness, and he quickly puts a pair of grey sweatpants on before walking out of his room.

You’re out of breath, yet you’re as beautiful as ever. Even more so, if only because you’re here, in the apartment where you belong, so close to him he could touch you with just a few steps forward.

“Y/n?” Jungkook lets out.

You were bent over, and you straighten, trying to catch your breath. Your eyes are shining with emotion, and Jungkook breaks. He breaks again, always - he doesn’t deserve you looking at him like this right now.

“Jungkook,” you say in between two heaving breaths.

Frowning, Jungkook scans your features. He tries to understand why you’re here tonight, why you’re looking at him like maybe he hung the stars in your night sky. You’re smiling, and he looks at that too, lets it remind him of why he fell in love with you in the first place.

“Shit,” you let out. “Jungkook.”

“Yes?”

You start laughing, and Jungkook is far too confused. It’s like he stepped in an absurd movie, and he’s not in on the joke. Especially not as he knows Lisa is bound to step out of the bathroom eventually.

“She told me,” you say.

He cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Gabrielle told me everything.” 

You’re blinking back tears, and Jungkook keeps on shattering. Because now that the truth is out you’re back, and he realizes maybe he should have listened to Gabrielle. Maybe he should have told you, if only for you not to be here tonight.

“Kook?”

It’s the heartbreak in the nickname. Jungkook’s heart stops beating in his chest, and he feels like someone’s banging on his skull, telling him how stupid he is.

“Y/n, I…” he trails off. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

He sees the moment you realize. You look down, see Lisa’s shoes, and you freeze. You fully freeze, and it looks like you’re not even breathing anymore. Lisa chooses this moment to step out of the bathroom, and it takes you a few seconds before glancing at her.

“Oh.”

There is so much pain in that word alone that Jungkook wants to die. He reckons, he should have died that night just so that he could avoid this heartbreak for you. And he hates himself so, so much for inviting Lisa over tonight. For not waiting just a little longer.

What would have happened if Lisa wasn’t here tonight?

“Hey, Y/n,” Lisa says awkwardly, her eyes darting to Jungkook. “I didn’t know you were here.”

For a moment, Jungkook wants to scream at her. To tell her that she should have just stayed in the bathroom, should have just climbed out the window. But he’s mute, unable to form a single syllable.

“I live here,” you reply.

Lisa senses the pain in your voice. She clearly does, because she looks uncomfortable as all hell, like she wants to disappear through the floor. 

“I’m sorry, I…” she trails off. “I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight.”

There’s an awkward silence - Jungkook is convinced he can hear your heart breaking, though that might just be his. Then you say, “No worries.”

You take a deep breath, and Jungkook looks at your profile. Tries to commit you to memory, because he knows you’re going to leave again. He still can’t speak - he wants to beg you to stay, but there’s a lump in his throat and water in his lungs, and all he can do is watch you.

You pat your pockets, tears pooling in your gaze. “I think I forgot my keys at the party.”

When you meet Jungkook’s gaze, he sees a mirror in your eyes. Sees himself breaking, sees you breaking, and he wants it all to stop. He wants to forget the pain, wants to be able to tell you he loves you and that he’s sorry. But he feels like words wouldn’t be enough, not right now, and he remains silent.

Not that he could speak anyway.

“How did you…” Lisa trails off, but she doesn’t finish.

You turn around then, walking back outside and shutting the door carefully behind you. Jungkook just stays there, unable to move, not when he’s breaking all over again. He wants to run after you, but all he can do is take a shuddering breath in, right as a tear rolls down his cheek.

“Shit.”

Lisa crosses the space between the two of them. “Go sit on your bed.”

Jungkook tries to breathe, but his throat constricts, and black dots flash in his vision.

“Fuck.”

“Jungkook, deep breaths,” Lisa says, and she tugs on his hand to pull him to his bed. 

“I can’t…” he trails, trying to breathe, but it’s like he’s breathing pure nitrogen. “I can’t breathe.”

He sits on his bed, and Lisa stands next to him. “What colour is the light?”

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t fucking know - did he truly lose you again? He’s dumb, stupid, foolish. An asshole and everything in between.

He’s a fucking coward.

“Jungkook, what colour is the light?” Lisa says again.

“I don’t know…”

“You do,” she insists, and the firm inflection of her tone makes Jungkook look up at her. “You do, Jungkook, just tell me.”

He glances at the ceiling. “Red.”

Lisa nods encouragingly. “Now, tell me one thing you can touch.”

He frowns, though his hands drop to the cover of his bed. “My bed.”

“Yes.” She glances around. “Something you can smell?”

The frown deepens. “I can’t really smell anything, my nose is blocked.”

She offers him a small smile, and Jungkook looks at it curiously. And then he realizes he can breathe again, and oxygen rushes to his lungs.

“Holy shit,” he curses. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Lisa says. “I got you.”

She sits next to him, and there’s a silence while Jungkook contemplates his throbbing heart. He wonders if you’re aching too - he hopes you don’t have anxiety attacks like he does. Though, to be fair, this is the first he’s had in a few weeks.

He takes a deep breath, and then he glances at Lisa. “What am I supposed to do?”

Though the anxiety has passed, his eyes fill with tears, and Lisa watches him carefully for a few seconds. There’s a flash of hurt in her gaze, but Jungkook thinks he might have imagined it.

“Talk to her,” she says. “Text her that you want to talk to her.”

“She saw you…” Jungkook whispers.

Lisa sighs. “She did.”

“How am I supposed to justify that?”

Lisa doesn’t reply right away, and Jungkook holds her gaze. He sees it - the hurt flashes so bright he can’t say he imagines it, and he gulps.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

“Listen, Jungkook,” Lisa carefully says. “I… I’m happy I’ve been there for you in the last few months. But tonight… I think we both agree it was a mistake. And I wish I could help you still, but I think right now I also need to think about myself.” She looks away, and silver lines her gaze. “I’ve always known we weren’t going to happen. You just took me by surprise by asking to hang out tonight. But I think it’s best if I take my distance from you.”

Guilt - new guilt - crushes Jungkook, and all he can do is nod his head. And he agrees with her anyway.

He wouldn’t be able to hang out with her anymore.

“So I don’t know how you can justify that to Y/n,” she adds. “I really don’t know, but I think you guys need to talk.” She meets Jungkook’s gaze, smiling sadly. “And I really hope things go well for the two of you.”

“Liz…” 

She offers him a single, small nod. “It’s okay, JK. I just want you to be happy.” She chuckles, and then she wipes at her eyes. “I’m sorry I’m telling you this now.”

“No, don’t be,” Jungkook immediately reassures her. “I…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, not really knowing what he was going to say.

“We can still be friends,” she says. “I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

Jungkook nods. “Okay. Yes, of course we can still be friends.”

Lisa smiles again before looking down at herself. “Well, I better get dressed.”

All Jungkook can do is nod again, and he watches as she picks up her clothes and then heads to the bathroom. 

In the meantime, Jungkook grabs his phone and goes to the messages. He finds your conversation, clicks on it, and prepares to type a message.

But he can’t figure out what to say. He just stares at his phone, panic threatening to overcome his senses again, and then he shuts it off, tossing it to the side as Lisa walks out of the bathroom.

Even a little later, when Lisa has left to head home, Jungkook still doesn’t know what to say. So he texts his therapist, asks if they can have an appointment tomorrow, and then he puts some anime on, hoping that it’ll chase the heartbreak from his chest.

It doesn’t, and he falls asleep to the sound of Tanjiro fighting a demon, only to be woken up when Ariane and Taehyung come back home in the middle of the night.

Read chapter 13 here!

☆☆☆☆☆

:((((( i promise the angst is slowly getting resolved! even if it doesn't seem like it rn :')

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate

[lchufflepuffcorn]

I hope I asked correctly. This is my first time on your blog [My request is a imagine for a female reader and Jasper Hale] Requested and fluff

Well, my request is that the reciter is a new student and he is very sociable, but he is also an accomplished singer and one day the reciter goes into the woods for privacy and sings in a high note and a voice that attracts even animals and he does not know that someone is watching

Warnings : Borderline creepy Jasper, wannabe tense moment.

Words: 961

Author's note: Nice nice nice (I don't know how long this has been sitting in my askes, but there it is.) Also, listen to First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes, if you want context for the song. I'm very glad you liked my blood enough to request something, I'm so sorry for the time it took me to answer back to you. Since you didn't specify the vibe you wanted, I played around with something new, hope you like it !!

Rules

Masterlist

OG Work Masterlist

Snow White moment

Jasper Hale x Fem!Reader

(If Forks was a bore and grey, then (Y/N) was the small ray of sunshine that managed to pierce through. If (Y/N) was sunshine incarnated, her warmth was contagious, arriving in mid-December was not a problem, and she'd even managed to enter the school choir before Christmas break. Now early February, you had yet to find a group to attach herself to, people demanded her attention during any free time the school gave them, and having eyes follow your every move was not unusual here.)

Leaving English class was always a relief. The choking feeling you drowned in was lifted when the bell rang, and teenagers flooded the halls toward their next goal. You, following in their protective waves. 

Humming, as per usual, you walked from English to your locker, books under your arms as Jake and Laurianne talked loudly beside you. Echoes of the other students' conversations fly over you, and warmth surrounds you as you walk with them. 

Something about the book for the homework. You'd already studied it in your last school. 

"I don't see the problem with Maus... It's an important read about the holocaust with depictions of meese for the Jews and cats for the Germans..." You say, adding to their conversation, opening your locker. 

Jake adds something that gets lost in the current of sounds, and you follow Laurianne in her laughter. Your eyes catch Melissa's, and you wave in her direction, smiling at her and Gabrielle from afar. Then, you bury your nose in your locker again. 

Then, you feel it again, the eyes on your back, snarly, cold air hitting the skin of your neck. You have shivers and cold sweat running down your skin at the feeling. You're used to that, the glances. The voices around you dim as your heart starts beating in your throat. A quick check around and the same golden eyes you're used to seeing etched on you shine.

You smile at him, a force of habit. 

Jasper Hale, Jasper Cullen? You're not too sure. Melissa tried to explain their family relationship to you when you first arrived at Forks, but that gave you a migraine. He never talks. Wrong. He talks sometimes in class. You share English, and he's sat behind you. Jasper is a bit creepy, though his sister (twin?) Rosalie has a colder appearance yet is more friendly, conversing when needed.  

Jasper never speaks first, always looking. His other sister, Alice, with whom you have art class says it's because he's shy. You didn't ask. 

Jasper smiles back at you a little. A twitch of his lips only. Under the fluorescent lights, it makes him seem ominously pale. Parchemin skin and shadows creak the skin around his mouth and make his mouth look full of sharp, fang-like teeth. One of his brothers, the one with the sad eyes, says something to him that makes him frown. You don't remember which one he is... E-something. Jasper looks back at you, his eyes now locked with yours and for the brief second you stay like this, you can swear that Jasper's eyes were darker. 

You look back into your locker. Art class is next, and relief washes over you. The end of the day is near, and liberty soon will follow. 

*

Walking home was usually your favourite time because you could cut through the woods and sing your heart out. One thing Forks lacked (except maybe everything) was a competent and interesting choir group. This was one thing Denver had more than Forks, for certain. For a while, the woods were the safest and calmest places to sing your heart out. 

Enunciating the words with the correct rhythm, something easy, something soft. Song you know by heart. You know lots of them by heart, but this is your favourite. You start by humming the words, and the deeper she walks into the forest, the words leaving from your lips, clear as day. A twig snaps in the background, bringing a shocked silence as you turn around, scanning the woods around you. 

Nothing. 

Well, it's nothing out of the ordinary. The woods crack and break, it's natural, and you start singing again. 

"Besides, maybe this time is different. I mean, I think you like me..." You sing softly as a bird flies low and rests on a branch near you. You smile, the weird sensation of eyes watching over you (at you?) slowly falling toward the back of your mind as more animals slowly creep toward you. 

"This is the first day of my life. Swear I was born right in the doorway." You start again, looking at the squirrels and the solo rabbit creep your way. You sit on cold, dead leaves and forest moss, not the most comfortable. 

It's rare, a sight like this, that animals get close to humans like this. Other birds land on branches as you sing, your voice slowly getting louder. You relish in your Snow White moment. 

*

Alice saw it happen. That meeting with her and the animals. Alice says she has something. A talent. Like his, like Edward's, like hers. 

Jasper creeps closer again. He'd recoiled when he stepped on that branch earlier. He got distracted. 

He'll talk to her soon, Alice told him she saw it. He knows she didn't tell him about the visions she got of her death either, nor the ones where she flees, scared for her life. 

Hunt hunt hunt. Prey prey prey. Words that run inside his head all the time. She smells like heaven. 

He'll ask Rosalie to get in a team with her, in the next class. A group project is the perfect opportunity to meet new people. Not to get too close... just close enough. 

Yes, just close enough. 

[redtippedfox]

You know what would be really funny is if I added in future!Marinette sitting by Emilies coffin in the past getting drunk off of wine. Talking shit about Gabriel while hella drunk. Like it’s her fifth day in the past and she’s kinda spiraling from realizing she’s stuck in the past.

“And then your dumbass husband decided “oh I’m gonna corrupt these powerful ancient gods and think I can control them!” What a moron!”

“Oh mother-in-law I wonder just how you married such a dumb idiot of a man.”

“Why the hell did he have to put you in a glass coffin like Snow White? Doesn’t he know that’s like fucking creepy?”

“Adrien misses you but he’s got some great new friends that love him like family, they all killed Gabriel but ya’know who doesn’t wanna kill Gabriel.”

“I’m thinking of drawing on his face while he’s sleeping, but like with a tattoo pen instead of sharpie.”

“I wanna kick his ass so bad but I can’t! Like why? Let me kick his ass! Stupid time travel rules.”

“I don’t think he’s noticed yet that I have stolen three of his finest wine bottles and drank them all. “

“And then he threw Adrien off a fu king skyscraper! A skyscraper! Your dumbass husband almost killed your son!”

“Gotta be honest Nathalie is kinda hot, I can see why you guys kept her around. I’d ditch Gabriel though we don’t need that stanky man ruining this family ya know?”

“…I need more wine.”

[witchlingcirce]

pls can you share more ideas for a gabrily bib or sophideon aswell? as we dont get them at least we have headcanons I would love to know yours

Ahhh yes I’d love too!!!! I really do hope we get some kind of short story for them in the near future! They’re both so cute!

Sophiegideon:

- OKAY we know that Gideon obviously loved his travel year and one of the books mentions how when he’s in a good mood when he speaks Spanish… SO… my idea is that he takes Sophia to Spain with him. IS the short stories of a shadowhunter couple going to a different country together redundant?? Yes! Do I care? NO. It would just be so cute, and I think that seeing Sophie branching out ect would be the best thing ever.

- honestly?? I’d love a short story of just Thomas, Eugenia, Barbara, Sophia & Gideon all together. There’s sooo little content of either of his sisters but the two pages of screen time we got with them was so fun and slay!! I think something cute like what there days in Idris where like when they lived there for full time for a bit was like!!! Gideon girl dad content is what we deserve to see!

Gabrily:

- okay Im gonna reiterate a point I made in the last post that I would LOVE to see them find a way to get back at will. A whole Dwight throwing snow balls at Jim thing. It would be so funny and cute, and completely in character for the both of them. I love will but he is usually deserving of a cheeky slap!

- I think a mission between these two would be the funniest thing ever!! Like I don’t know how to describe it, there fightings are just so great together. Like Cecily jumping on a worm and Gabriel thinking “this is the one”. PEAK, I need 50 more of them!!

Also bonus: it’s mentioned that Cecily can play the harp… so Cecily playing the harp for Gabriel when??

[aidanchaser]

ive had kind of a bummer week so i started a new project to get some creative hits before going back to work on longterm projects. here's a snippet of the 1920s AU i've been playing with~

It wasn’t snowing, though it certainly felt cold enough to. Marinette pulled her collar closed against her throat and cheeks, keeping herself as snug as she could. She had some privacy in the dark alley that guarded the back entrance of the Lucky Lady, but the click of her lighter must have attracted attention from the street. She saw the white suit jacket and vest that was becoming painfully familiar approach. Her mask was still in place, but she did not need him getting too close. She could not risk Adrien Agreste getting a decent look at Ladybug. She stepped back into the shadow of the alley, and he took the hint, coming to a stop when he was at arm’s length from her “Pardon me, mademoiselle,” he said, voice soft enough to wring out Marinette’s heart, “but do you happen to have a light? I seem to have left mine in my coat pocket.” He sounded like the boy who had abandoned her, not the man who had returned. His voice was gentle, uncertain. There was none of the swagger she’d seen in the young man in her shop that morning, nor the cold grin he’d sported when he’d entered the Lady Luck. She took a drag on her cigarette to steel her nerves, then handed him her lighter. She risked a glance at his face as he lit his own cigarette, careful to keep her own face in the darkness. “What happened to your coat?” she asked. “I gave it to a gentleman who looked like he needed it more than I did.” The tip of his cigarette glowed orange, and he returned her lighter to her. His eyes looked warm in this dim light. She tucked her lighter back into her coat. “And what happened to your date?” “I called her a cab. I was hoping to chat with you before returning home.” Marinette could not stop a sneer from crossing her face. She hoped the darkness hid that, too. “What business do you have with me?” “I heard a rumor that if a gentleman is down on his luck, you’re the lady to see.” “I’ve been known to reverse fortunes,” she murmured. “From toppling those on thrones to lifting up those in the gutter. You don’t strike me as a man in a gutter.” He turned his head to blow a lungful of smoke away from her. The street lamp glinted off of his hair, creating a golden halo. “One man’s heaven,” he shrugged, and let the rest of phrase disappear behind a rueful smile.  Everything about it prickled against Marinette’s skin like a bed of needles, but she did not want to waste an opportunity here. Max had told her that they would need more information, so she was going to get it. “What do you want me to do?” “Only to tell you that, if you’re interested in toppling thrones, my father has staked a lot of his reputation and finances into this one sale.” “Mayor Bourgeois is the one selling.” Adrien shrugged and extinguished his cigarette against the wall. “I just balance the books. That’s all I can tell you.” “How do I know you won’t use this for your own gain? You just want me to take down your father so you can take over in his place—is that it?” The self-deprecating smile vanished. He let out a deep breath, and the warm air of his lungs collected in front of him as surely as if he had taken another drag on his cigarette. “Do it right, and there won’t be anything left for me to take over.” He tipped his hat to her. “Thanks for the light.” And he turned back to the street. Marinette waited until he had rounded the corner and was well out of sight before snuffing out her own cigarette and hurrying back inside. She could already hear Max and Nino warning her it was a trap, but she felt recklessness curling inside her chest. She had to know what else was hidden in that art exchange, or it would burn her alive. She had to tear down Gabriel Agreste, and if Adrien came tumbling down with him, well, she wouldn’t complain about that.