#I nearly forgot it was a comedy a few times

[mismatchedwonders]

Just came back from Deadpool and Wolverine. Fun as hell. Best romcom I’ve ever seen

And Hugh’s acting was just

It was a real blast, would recommend

That dance sequence (iykyk) will live rent free in my head for a WHILE

[wooahaes]

mm, i got a really big problem...

pairing: non-idol...? mark lee x fem!reader

genre: comedy? fluff.

word count: ~0.7k

warnings: an apartment door nearly gets knocked off its hinges based on how loudly it was opened.

daisy’s notes: haha! you thought this was over! now its over for real i promise. (its midnight for me hehe)

At exactly midnight, the door to your apartment was probably broken now.

To paint the scene more clearly: you, the birthday girl of the day, had been curled up in your bed... alone, because your boyfriend had been away for work. Despite the way he had pouted at you the day before he left (”I can take you with me, just hide in my luggage, they won’t know--” after his attempts to fly you with them separately didn’t work because you also had work), Mark had grown more... okay, in a sense, that he wouldn’t physically be there with you for your birthday. The two of you had already decided you’d have a make-up date after he came back (which was supposed to be tonight, since midnight had struck) and rested up. It genuinely didn’t bother you at this point: his work was important to him, and he wasn’t the one in control of when he had to leave and come back. Hell, he was supposed to be back on your birthday, the birthday date being later was because you knew he’d be exhausted.

So when your apartment door suddenly burst open with the force of someone trying to break in, your first thought was, pretty reasonably, “Oh, fuck, someone just broke into my apartment, I should get ready to run and call the cops.”

Except thirty seconds later, your bedroom door flung open to, and you were met with the face of your panicked boyfriend. “Did I make it?! It was, like, two minutes to midnight when I got here and I, like, booked it up the stairs, bro.”

You merely stared at Mark at first, processing what the hell just happened. Because, truly, what the fuck just happened.

“Baby?” He said amidst all the huffing and puffing--how fast did he book it up the stairs? “Did I miss it?”

All you could do was look at your phone, time clicking on to reveal it was not only past minute, but barely a few minutes past midnight. Wordlessly, you held your phone up, and saw the devastation on his face.

“No! Oh my god. I thought we had time,” he made his way over to you. “I got an earlier flight and everything. Aw, man...”

Finally, you found your voice. “Mark... What the hell?”

He sat down at the foot of your side of the bed. “Okay. So... We got an earlier flight. Or, well, I mean I did... and so did a couple of the guys to make sure I didn’t die on my way here, although Donghyuck said he’d be there to comfort my widowed girlfriend if I did die on my way here--” Sounded like him. His flirting with you (and your boyfriend, to be fair) never stopped since you and Mark had never been bothered by what was clearly a joke. “--and I was gonna come surprise you and be like ‘I made it!’ but I didn’t, so now the surprise is kinda ruined even if it does mean I’m back here now--”

Instead of letting him continue to ramble about how he missed you, something he always did when returning from trips, you just pulled him in to kiss his stupidly cute face. He merely smiled into it, kissing you back immediately. When he drew back, you could see the way his eyes were glimmering.

“Hi, baby,” he giggled. “I know I’m late, but happy birthday. I’m home.”

“Mark, you nearly broke the fucking door!” Someone called from the living room. The two of you shared a look, and he grew more flustered.

“Also... I may have ditched my bags on the stairs. And I think Chenle was already following me up since I forgot some of my shit in the car, so...”

You giggled, planting a quick peck against his lips. “Go take care of things,” you said. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

He started to move, only to turn back, smiling as he kissed you one more time. “I love you,” he said. “I’m glad I’m home.”

You were, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao​

[dawnagustd]

big deal || myg

➛ title: Big Deal ➛ pairing: (non romantic) idol!yoongi x reader; ft. ot7 ➛ genre: mature rated comedy? ➛ summary: “It’s never a big deal until it becomes your big deal,” Yoongi learns. ➛ rating: 18+ ➛ word count: 1.3k ➛ warnings: strong language | attempted and failed blackmailing (like it was pointless lol) | c*cks… lots of c*cks being discussed; specifically Bangtan c*ck | ot7 chaos | this is a complete unedited shit show | open ending just in case | i think that’s all ➛ author’s note: Hi! It’s been a long ass time. I’m so nervous lol. Anyway, this is for @hobeemin​ & @sweetestofchaos​ and it has everything to do with this Discord emoji. This is the first completed work I’ve written in months, so please be kind lol. I know it’s bad(it’s supposed to be) and I’m not all too comfortable writing idol aus but I had a ball writing it so just let me have this moment🤣. Also, I don’t want to promise a part 2 but... man I like the thought of mad whiny Yoongi.

“Mine doesn’t even look like that! Guys, look at how thick and short it is.”

Yoongi does an internal eye roll as Jimin lets out another dramatic cry. All this over some damn Discord emojis. Maybe he’s just too old for this shit because he doesn’t see the big deal. At least he’s not the only one.

“It isn’t that deep,” Seokjin states, shoving some ramen in his mouth.

“That’s what Jimin’s girl said,” Jungkook blurts out in a small voice.

He can see Jimin giving them a nasty glare through the monitor screen. It’s just his pride. He feels like the creator of these Bangtan-style Discord emojis should have added a little more length. Yoongi will not deny or confirm whether or not they should have. Still, he can’t help but chuckle as Jimin tries to convince everyone about the truth they already know of.

“Yeah, Jimin. It’s not that serious,” Namjoon chimes in.

He’s taken a seat on the couch, bored with the big discovery they made just a few minutes ago. Someone approached and told them about a website dedicated to Discord emojis. Apparently, a creator’s newest NSFW uploads are BTS-inspired superhero cocks. And well, they just had to see it to believe it.

“Easy for you guys to say. Your cocks are perfect!”

“Well, thanks Jimin,” Jungkook laughs.

“Shut up! You know what I meant.”

He’s not lying, though. This is pure talent. The amount of effort and detail you put into the craft doesn’t go unnoticed. No wonder everyone’s talking about this.

“Jimin, why don’t you just contact the creator? The info is in their bio,” Hoseok suggests.

Jimin and Taehyung begin searching for your number together, both being displeased with their results. While they bicker, Yoongi starts going through the rest of the content.

“And what does yours look like, hm?” Jungkook teases.

Yoongi turns to the youngest member and shrugs. “Don’t know. Didn’t look.”

He returns to scrolling, but Jungkook snatches the mouse out of his hand.

“Well, let’s see,” Jungkook insists. He returns to the newest uploads and looks through the members until he finds the Suga-Man emoji.

“I don’t care about that shit. I know what my dick looks like—”

When Yoongi sees his emoji, he nearly knocks Jungkook to the floor while he tries to regain control of the mouse. He cannot believe his eyes. It’s nothing like the real thing at all. Yoongi’s appalled.

“Where are my details?!”

He catches his outburst seconds after it is too late. All of the members heard him cry out due to the distasteful site. He looks over at Seokjin.

“They forgot some stuff,” he repeats.

“Okay.”

His mouth drops at Seokjin’s lack of empathy. 

“Well, I must be the least favorite member,” Yoongi concludes.

“Dude, we don’t talk like that. Remember?”

“Then explain why mine is so plain?!”

Seokjin sighs. “I’ll give you your own advice, bro. It’s not that serious.”

But it is. His emoji dick looks so basic. He has layers that make him unique too. This is so embarrassing.

“Jimin, I don’t think you’re supposed to call the number,” Taehyung shouts, trying to chase down a frantic Jimin.

They’ve somehow managed to find your Instagram and your business number. Jimin couldn’t wait for a second to dial the digits and speak with you, and neither can he.

When Jimin comes beside him for protection from Taehyung, Yoongi grabs the phone and instantly hears it ringing. He starts tapping the desk impatiently, ignoring Jimin’s wails and pleas. He’ll give him the phone after he’s done so he can whine, but this is urgent. You need to make the necessary changes to his emoji immediately or take it down completely. 

If you don’t… Well, he’ll cross that bridge when he gets there.

Just when he believes it’ll go to voicemail, someone answers the phone. They introduce themselves as the creator and ask how they may insist. Yoongi introduces himself also, and after 5 minutes of back and forth because you thought you were getting pranked, he FaceTimes you.

“Woah. It is you,” you gasp. “All of you.”

“Yeah. Anyway, back to our discussion.”

You blink your eyes as if you’re snapping out of a trance, then look directly at Yoongi.

“Sorry, what were you saying? I wasn’t listening because I thought you were fucking with me,” you admit.

With a groan, Yoongi repeats himself.

“Those emojis you made, the Bangtan Super Cock set. It’s inaccurate.”

“No, it’s not,” you deny.

The other members are summoned by Namjoon for practice, and Yoongi waves, signaling he’ll be following shortly.

“Oh, hell yeah it is,” he scoffs.

“How so?”

Yoongi can hear mischief in your voice. He wasn’t born yesterday. He knows how this goes.

“Look, all I’m saying is mine has no texture or detail. It’s boring and looks nothing like the real thing.”

Your giggles have him both annoyed and amused because you’re actually kind of cute. You’re definitely not someone he’d suspect to be making these types of things.

“What texture or details did I neglect to add, Suga-Man?”

“Cut the shit,” he orders, but you continue to tease. 

He’s thankful the others are out of here because he’d never hear the end of this.

“Can you just add something to make it look less sleek?” 

“No,” you cackle. “Why would I do that?”

“Because—”

He almost slips up, but he catches himself.

“Look, just do it or I’ll sue you,” he threatens.

“You can’t do that.”

“I can try.”

There is more laughter on your end of the line before you eventually stop and tilt your head.

“Why does it matter so much?” you ask. “I mean… It must be serious if you called this number. No one calls this number. I’m just a small content creator.”

You make it seem like your work isn’t mind blowing. He wouldn’t know where to start, and yet you have hundreds of emojis created, and they’re free. But he can’t go on like this. Not when he knows there’s a misrepresentation of his cock going around. No way.

“Just add some veins, and that’ll do,” he mutters.

Once again, you giggle.

“Nope. My creations come from my mind, and that is what my brain told me to draw.”

“You hate me, don’t you?”

“Of course not,” you assure. “You’re my bias.”

“Then add the effects and make me look good!”

“It doesn’t work like that,” you argue. 

Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose and tries his best to work on an effective strategy.

“I’ll pay you,” he offers, but you refuse.

“I’m good.”

Silence follows, and you both are just staring at each other at this point. Time is winding down, and Namjoon will come looking for him in a minute. The longer he stays on this call, the bigger the risk he has of getting caught. He’s already playing a dangerous game. You could be recording all of this, and he wouldn’t know until it’s slapping him in the face. This really wasn’t worth getting flustered over now that he thinks about it.

“Why are you so passionate about this?” you ask. He can hear the genuine curiosity in your tone, so he answers truthfully.

“My cock isn’t boring,” he repeats. “It’s not average.”

A long sigh travels past your semi-parted lips as you lean forward, getting closer to the screen. Damn, you aren’t just cute. You’re hot. Now he’s definitely embarrassed. 

Your smirk has him thinking you’ll show pity but looks can be very deceiving he’ll learn. You end the call with a challenge.

“Prove it.”

Yoongi sits there until the members physically force him to come practice. He never mentions what happened on that phone call, but best believe, it’s still lingering in his mind.

[tinkabelle24]

To Build a Home

Chapter 12: Into The Light

A/N: I'd like to thank the amazing @android-cap-007 for the first of many drawings for this story. Love you, girl! 🥰🫂

TW! Sexual Assault, Blood and Injury, Death.

Masterlist / Chapter 11

---

(One week earlier...)

Alright, which one was it again? First, second... third? Yes! Thank God...

Val heaved a relieved sigh as she watched the brickwork slide open, revealing one of many secret entrances into the Lair. One would think, given the numerous times she'd already used this entrance, she'd know by heart which pipe to pull. But no. That wasn't how her brain worked.

Donnie was already halfway up the steps by the time she shuffled inside. Her face immediately flushed with embarrassment as she imagined him laughing his ass off at the sight of her fumbling around outside. Had this been the case, he never let it show.

“Oh! Hi, Dudette!” Mikey, who'd been trailing behind his older brother, greeted cheerfully. His baby blues nearly popped out their sockets once they finally laid upon the load she was carrying. “How’d you manage to get all that down here by yourself?”

Finally relinquishing the two heavy insulated shopping bags and backpack into Donnie’s eager hands, Val groaned softly as she stretched out her stiff back and upper limbs; her fingers ached something fierce. “Thank you... It wasn’t too bad; the hardest part’s lifting that heavy-ass manhole cover.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” The purple-banded terrapin eyed her quizzically as he pushed one of the bags into Mikey’s arms. “We would’ve picked you up.”

Val waved him off with a smile. “Don’t stress,” she reassured. “I’m stronger than I look. The crowbar helped, too, heh... Plus, it was meant to be a surprise.”

Sundays were their lazy days, where most of the group congregated in the common area to enjoy either a video game or movie (usually a comedy; a certain someone *cough* Mikey *cough* wasn't fond of horror).

Checco’s was their go-to on these nights. No, scratch that – most nights. Something told Val it was their favourite, so she decided to bring her own this time... among a few other goodies.

“Pizza? Yes!” Mikey did a little dance, holding the three firmly wrapped pies above his head like Rafiki did baby Simba.

“Supreme... pepperoni... and my personal favourite – margherita. I sincerely hope you guys like garlic, because the last one’s got a shit-tonne of it.” Val then reached into one of the bags, retrieving a foil-wrapped baguette. “I also made garlic bread - cheesy garlic bread.”

At that, Mikey swooned. “I love you!”

A giggle escaped the brunette’s lips as she playfully rolled her eyes, then turned her attention to the second bag. “For you.” She handed Donnie a container of double chocolate chip muffins. “Payment for the courgettes. Don’t worry, I didn’t put any in there.”

“Perfect, thank you- ah-ah! Get your mitts off it.” He swatted Mikey’s hand away.

“Aw, what?! No fair!”

“Worry not, my friend.” Val nudged the youngest brother as she produced a larger container of what looked to be chocolate pudding.

By that point, she'd finally spotted Raph across the common area, exiting the weights room. His hands were clean but his arms and thighs were peppered with chalk smears, presumably from using the deadlift bar. Had she blinked, she would've missed the wince as he rolled his shoulders; favouring the recently healed one.

She frowned.

He'd been overdoing it, again.

“Oh, hey!” Raph exclaimed, gaze finally falling on her. “You’re early. I was gonna text after my shower to see if you were ready. I’d hug ya, but...” He gestured to himself as he approached.

“Yeah, I’ll pass.” Val agreed; she'd rather not get sweat and chalk all over her favourite outfit.

With a sheepish smile, she raised her container to his eye level; Mikey, still holding the pizzas, eagerly presented them as well. “I brought goodies... I made your avocado mousse for dessert – that okay?” In her excitement – organising and preparing this spread - she totally forgot to ask the chef’s permission to recreate his recipe.

Bad Valerie - that’s poor recipe sharing etiquette!

Noticing her apprehension, a mischievous smirk crept across Raph’s scarred features. “Ahh, so that’s why ya wanted the recipe.”

“Yeah, heh...” She tittered, avoiding eye contact. “You never got to try it properly, so... a-and I wanted it to be a surprise-”

“-Val.” The terrapin chuckled, expression softening. “Relax - it’s fine. I’m lookin’ forward to it.”

“Wait...” Mikey pointed to the mousse container, eyeing his older brother suspiciously. “Isn’t that the same stuff you spent all afternoon preparing, just to toss in the trash?”

“Sounds about right.” The brunette quipped with renewed confidence; Raph sent her a dead-panned look.

The orange-banded terrapin tutted at him, shaking his head. “Sacrilege.”

“Hey, where’s Leo?” Val quickly changed the subject, just as Raph opened his mouth to protest. Leo was usually the first to greet her whenever she visited. Then again, he wasn't expecting her until later.

“He finished his Kata just before you arrived.” Donnie answered. “He’s in the shower.”

“Ah.”

“Speakin’ of showers...” Raph turned in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Multiplied by forty-five...”

The red-banded terrapin paused to side-eye Val, who was grinning slyly at him from behind her lashes. Her eyes bugged out when he suddenly snapped toward her, arms outstretched. “I’ll take that hug now-”

“Don’t you dare!” She immediately fled round the dining table, desperate to put some distance between herself and the incoming terrapin. “Get away! Stop! Raph, no... I mean it- ah!”

Donnie and Mikey leapt back, cackling as their brother proceeded chasing the squealing woman around the kitchen. He cornered her almost immediately, leaning into her palm pressed against his plastron.

“I’m dead serious.” Val warned, playfully staring him down. “Come any closer and I’ll smack you.”

“Please do.” The group turned toward the common area to find Leo, finally making an appearance. He nodded to the brunette politely as he approached. “Hey. Sorry I wasn’t here to greet you when you came in... what’s all this?”

Val returned the gesture. “Hey. It's all good," she reassured, eyeing Raph warily as he slunk away. “I brought dinner, and dessert.”

“Oh... thank you. You didn’t need to do that-”

“I wanted to.” She insisted gently.

They shared a brief smile, before Mikey piped up with a “Let’s get this show on the road!”, pulling out several pizza trays and firing up the oven. Raph left for his shower, while the rest of the group finished organising dinner.

---

“Aw, c’mon! I thought you liked zombies.”

“Watching them – sure. Fighting them – fff- hell no. No way.”

“Hell?” Raph folded his muscular arms as he relaxed in his chair, brow ridge quirked in amusement. “Val, I’ve heard ya say worse shit than that-”

“Raph.” Leo hissed. Had Val not been paying attention, she would've missed the leader’s subtle eye gesture in her direction, then the near inaudible “not in front of the lady”. She smiled into her wine glass as she took another sip, flattered by the chivalrousness.

Raph side-eyed his brother, before letting out a short snort.

Val narrowed her eyes at him. “What are you trying to say, Raph?” She questioned, feigning offence. “Am I not a lady?”

The terrapin’s hands immediately shot up in defence. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t need to – I saw it on your face.”

“I’m just tryna figure out how you can say – Leo, cover ya ears - ‘fuck’ - the second most vulgar curse word in the English language - and not get into trouble; while I say ‘shit’ and get my head bitten off for it.”

“Sounds like a you problem,” the brunette smirked.

Raph laughed incredulously. “Red hot, you are-”

“-Guys, can you not?” Donnie interrupted, staring pointedly at the pair. “Some of us wanna enjoy their dessert in peace.”

“Right. Sorry...”

“Suck-up.”

"Stop...!” Val mouthed, struggling to keep the ear-to-ear grin off her face.

“Well, I don’t know about you guys...” Mikey finally sat back, petting his distended ‘belly’. “...But those pizzas, and this mousse – mwah! Chef’s kiss! Speaking of chefs...” He gently nudged the brunette’s leg with his. “You should be one – you're really good.”

“Thanks...” She blushed, shifting awkwardly in her chair. “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t think I’d enjoy cooking as a career – it's my hobby.”

“What would you do instead, then?” An intrigued Leo leaned forward slightly.

“I’ve actually been looking at EMT courses.”

“Emergency Medical Technician?” Donnie clarified, scraping the very last of the mousse from his bowl then spooning it into his mouth.

“Sorry. Yeah, that’s it.”

“Like a paramedic?” Raph asked.

“Sort of. Paramedics get more training. The EMT program is nowhere near as long and I can branch out later if I want to... only problem is I need a high school diploma or GED to be considered – I have exactly neither, heh...”

“Did you not finish school?” Mikey frowned at his brothers, who all shared knowing looks.

“No, I didn’t...” A sudden buzzing sound momentarily drew the brunette’s attention to her purse at her feet; inside, the screen of her first phone illuminated with a recent text message.

[I don’t like this...]

Molly.

---

“What’s his surname?”

Val looked up from the inch-long piece of varnish she just peeled from her well-worn timber tabletop. “Sorry, what?”

Molly looked over her phone at her, brows raised. “Raph, obviously.” She sarcastically replied. “Unless you have another boyfriend I don’t know about.”

“I told you - he’s not my boyfriend.” Val groaned. “He’s just a guy I served at work who said I looked pretty.”

“Do you have his number?” Molly enquired, with an expectant look. “I’m trying to find his social media profile.”

“He doesn’t have social media.”

“How do you know? Have you tried looking for him?”

“Yes - he doesn’t have one.”

“Not even Facebook?”

“No - not even Facebook.”

“What weirdo isn’t on any form of social media?”

“You’re being very judgemental right now, Mol.” Val meant it as a joke, but she couldn't help the frustration in her tone. “Just cos he doesn’t have social media, doesn’t mean he’s weird; it just means he doesn’t have social media.”

“I’m just curious as to who this guy is, and why you’ve been hiding him from me – your best friend, supposedly...”

Val stifled an eye roll at that last part. Drama llama...

Molly leant on her folded arms atop Val’s dining table, staring her dead in the eyes.

“Seriously, though – what's going on? And don’t say ‘nothing’ cos that’s bullshit. You’ve been seeing him. Wanna know how I know? Your face – yeah, just like that. I haven’t seen you smile this much, or look this good, in... well, ever. Whatever’s going on for you right now – it's good. I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want me to be a part of that... I mean, I know next to nothing about this guy. Fuck, I don’t even know what he looks like! Please, please, please, Val. I’m begging you, for God's sake – let me in!”

“Trust me, Mol, I’d tell you everything if I could, but I can’t... I-I made a promise.”

Molly frowned. “Why is he making you keep him a secret? That doesn’t seem fair, to me.”

Cos he’s a six-foot talking turtle man...

“His job is... high-risk.” It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth, either.

“What does that mean, exactly? Is he like a mafia boss, or something?”

Val had to bite back what would've been an inappropriately placed laugh. “No,” she replied, clearing her throat. “He’s uh... he’s a special kind of cop; one who’s gotta deal with some pretty nasty people. I really can’t say anything more than that. I’m sorry...”

Molly compressed her lips and sighed. “Fine. Okay...” She murmured, nodding slowly.

Val lowered her gaze, the familiar feeling of guilt settling in the pit of her stomach. She could tell her friend was becoming frustrated, but what could she do? Not much, unless she wanted to betray her other friends’ trust.

After a moment or two of silence, the raven-haired woman reached across the table to squeeze Val’s hand. “But I’m gonna be keeping an eye on you. I’m glad you’re happier but, Val, I’m seeing some red flags. For your sake, this secret-keeping nonsense better be temporary.”

I doubt it very much, but I hope so, too...

---

“Val?”

Raph's voice snapped her out of her reverie. “Hm...? I’m sorry – what?”

“Do ya need to get that?” Raph asked, nodding to her phone.

Val shook her head. “No - it can wait.”

“Ya sure?”

“Yes, Raph.” She reassured, chuckling softly. “It’s fine. Really.”

The terrapin frowned, unconvinced, but didn't press further.

“Right. Well...” Leo slowly rose to his feet, setting his empty glass inside his bowl. “Let’s get these dishes done, so we can settle in for the night- not you.” He gently pushed a stunned Val back into her chair by her shoulder, then took her dishes from her. “Those who cook don’t have to wash up – you should know that by now.”

“Why dontcha go pick a game for us to play?” Raph suggested, noticing her restless thumb-twiddling; he knew she hated being idle.

The brunette nodded stiffly as she slid out of her chair. “Okay, sure.”

“What about-”

“No, we’re not playing COD zombies - forget it.”

“We’ve got a Wii?” Mikey offered as he watched the sink fill with hot, soapy water. “We could play Wii Sports?”

“Sounds like fun!” Raph rubbed his hands together, flashing Val a wicked smile. “Feel like boxin’?”

“Don’t fall for it, Val,” Donnie warned, side-eyeing the red-banded terrapin. “He’s an absolute menace.”

“Is that a compliment or insult?”

“You’re a sore winner.”

“Sounds like somethin' a loser would say-”

“I’ll play.” Val giggled at Donnie's 'see what I mean?' look. “So long as you agree to face me at bowling – that's my turf.”

“You're goin' down,” Raph growled playfully.

The brunette smugly chuckled. “We’ll see.”

“Leo’s good at bowling, too.” Donnie offered, nudging the terrapin in question. “Seven strikes in a single round was his best, if I’m remembering correctly. It was a while ago.”

“Impressive.” Val turned to Leo with a hopeful smile. “Does that mean you’ll be joining us tonight? I’ll make sure to go easy on you.”

Leo cracked a smile, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. “Not tonight, sorry...” Watching her face fall, he quickly followed with a “Next time, I promise.”

“Okay, then.” The brunette nodded, smile returning. “I’m holding you to that.”

---

Val's blood ran cold when she finally caught his shadowy figure descending on her in her periphery. She risked a glance to his balled fists. He looked unarmed. Luckily for her, she was not.

Steeling herself, the brunette whipped around to face him, brandishing her pocketknife. "Not one more fucking step, asshole!" Her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that it effectively drowned out her scream.

Buddy's eyes widened as he skidded to a stop, an arm's length away. Once he registered the threat, his dark gaze finally returned to hers. "I oughta cut out that filthy tongue of yours-"

"Fuck you!" Val shot back defiantly. She retreated slowly to put some distance between them, not daring to break eye contact. He stepped forward and she jabbed the blade in his direction. "I said BACK OFF!"

"My money," Buddy snarled, watching the weapon like a hawk. "I want it back."

"I don't have your money-"

"Bullshit!"

The abrupt screeching of tyres rang through the dark and otherwise empty street. Panic momentarily taking over, she turned to find her cab leaving - without her.

With his victim distracted, Buddy lunged forward and snatched her knife hand, attempting to disarm her. Tightening her grip on her keys, the brunette proceeded slashing wildly in his direction; praying to hit something important. Apparently, she had, as the next thing to come out of his mouth was a blood-curdling scream.

Val didn't hang around to assess the resulting damage. She yanked herself and her knife free and booked it down the street, hiking her pencil skirt to her thighs to lengthen her stride; purse flailing behind her. She found herself momentarily matching the speed of her would-have-been getaway car, before the (understandably) terrified driver stomped on the gas and careened down a side street.

Val had no clue where she was running to, just away. She couldn't risk going home. Should he follow her, he'd then not only know where she worked but where she lived.

The thudding of Buddy's dress shoes against the pavement grew louder as he rapidly gained on her. She felt his hand brush her upper back, and a terrified yelp forced its way out.

Desperate to escape his clutches, Val practically dove into the nearest alleyway; unfortunately, clipping her right arm and losing her keys in the process. They clattered to the ground as he finally reached her, grasping the back of her neck and slamming her into a brick wall.

Val gasped for air, but the impact had forced it all out of her lungs. She coughed and a searing pain shot through her chest, causing her to whimper. A warm sensation bloomed at her brow-line, trickling down her temple and chin before dripping steadily onto the collar of her blouse.

Why oh why did you not call for help? Because you're a fucking idiot, that's why.

With one hand fixing her head in place, Buddy reached for her knife hand with the other, all the while applying an immense amount of pressure on her back with his short but stocky frame; erect manhood pressing into her backside through his slacks. What little oxygen leftover was promptly expelled. She was officially suffocating.

"I'll take that." He attempted prying her fingers from the hilt; Val responded by further tightening her grip, to the point where her knuckles fully discoloured.

This pissed him off.

Gripping her closed fist, Buddy proceeded grinding it up and down against the brickwork. The brunette bit back a scream as she felt the skin of her knuckles being torn away. She fought to distract herself from the pain with levelled breaths; determined not to let him take her last mode of defence.

"Let go, fuck ya!" After not receiving the desired outcome for several long and torturous moments, Buddy finally relented. He released her neck to resume prying her fingers away - with both hands.

Her head now free, Val proceeded thrusting it back with as much force as she could muster, clocking Buddy in the face.

She heard a stomach-turning crunch and he staggered back, finally allowing her starved lungs to reinflate. Whipping around, she found him clutching his nose, blood dripping from his hands.

If looks could kill, she would be dead already.

Val lunged forward, striking him in the groin with her shin, causing him to yell out and hunch over in pain. Something inside her snapped. Years' worth of repressed anger and resentment had finally boiled over into her conscious mind, forming a singular uncontrollable emotion - rage.

Snatching a portion of sandy blonde hair close to his scalp, Val held his head firmly whilst she kneed his face, before yanking him up and backward so he fell against the wall.

The brunette felt a desperate urge to hurt him again; to make him suffer, as she suffered. She imagined digging her nails into the cuts on his face, gauging his eyes out, castrating him then finally kicking his head in. Somehow, she managed to restrain herself.

"Get up and I'll fucking end you!" She screeched down at him, flourishing her pocketknife; the hilt bloodied and sticky from the gaping wounds on her hand.

Val suddenly froze, sensing a second presence with them. Stealing a glance further down the alley, she immediately recognised his unique silhouette - Leo.

The terrapin abruptly whipped out a palm-sized, four-pointed object from one of the pouches on his utility belt, launching it in their direction. She watched, transfixed, as it spun wildly through the air, blew past her face then, to her horror, buried itself in Buddy's temple.

He'd crept up on her; nearly succeeding in using her own hand to plunge her knife into her body.

Val made the horrifying mistake of looking into his eyes as life promptly left him, before dropping to the ground. At least she had the presence of mind to extract herself from his grasp, so he couldn't drag her down with him.

A hand touched her arm, and she damn near jumped out of her skin. "Hey, hey- it's me - you're safe, now." Leo soothed. "I'm gonna take this knife from you, okay? I'm putting it right here."

After helping her locate the nearest wall to lean on, the terrapin proceeded carefully inspecting her injuries. "This’ll need to be glued," he informed her, referring to her split brow. "And this..." He cupped her mangled hand. "...God, Val - what happened?"

"He's d-dead..." Val murmured, staring at the lifeless body lying face-down on the pavement, blood pooling around his head. She felt a hundred miles away, trapped before a screen playing an endless loop of him dying in front of her. She couldn't help fixating on his eyes; how one moment, they were full of hatred, then the next - nothing...

"I know," Leo replied gently. "I'm sorry you had to see that..."

Finally returning to earth, Val turned to the terrapin in a panic. "I'm sorry..." She fervently shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. Had she just done the smart thing and called for help, this whole situation could've been avoided. Her attacker could've been dealt with in a non-lethal way, and Leo wouldn't have his blood on his hands. "I'm so, so, so s-sorry...!"

"Hey, no. Absolutely not." Grasping her shoulder, Leo stared her straight in the eyes. "None of this is your fault, you hear me? None of it."

"You don't understand-"

"-Val," the terrapin pleaded. "I promise I'll hear you out on everything you need to say but, right now, I need to get you home so we can treat these. So, I need you to breathe. In through your nose... out through your mouth - that's it. Good. Okay... can you walk?"

---

Turning Point (ONE-SHOT)

Masterlist / Chapter 13

@happymoonangel @miss-andromeda

[ikemenomegas]

Rock Paper Scissors

It's been almost six years since bsd started airing, and I decided to go back to season 1 after watching the season 4 premier last night and reading the latest chapter (best Wednesday of 2023 so far).

It's been so long I forgot that Atsushi's entrance exam starts with Kunikida and Dazai playing rock-paper-scissors

Where Dazai wins every on of the three rounds and sends Kunikida to crawl around on tables and tackle Tanizaki. We don't assume from this point that it's a manipulation, only that it's typical comedy or maybe someone being very good at guessing the other person's body language.

By chapter 105, we've seen Dazai manipulate his way into impossible situations before, and once again playing a game with a partner in front of a supposed life or death situation.

This arc has exposed a lot more of what is Dazai's more serious and less performative side of his personality than the other arcs before. We know he, through Mori's training, is a master at game theory and pragmatic strategies. Even after working with the ADA for nearly three years by this point* Dazai manipulations in preference to explaining, even distracting his own coworkers from what work he does behind the scenes in order to prevent them from worrying and/or keep his movements free from scrutiny.

*(time gets wishy washy in bsd, but Atsushi has been with the agency for quite a few months by where we are in the manga and all the light novel things apparently take place between what we've seen from the anime and manga so far. With the events of even the Hunting Dog arc to now stretching nearly a month or so, I estimate at least eight to nine** months since Atsushi's recruitment to now, even without much seasonal change, simply because there is otherwise too much going on with the light novel missions included, but that's not necessary for the meta)

**amendment after reviewing events through overthinking, it's more like 5-6 months max given Akutagawa's promise, which I forgot about. The timeline does make Dazai trying so hard to save Atsushi's life in the Guild arc more poignant, it's really a mentor choosing a new apprentice to take care of and it makes how the rest of the agency operates around Atsushi during the cannibalism arc also make more sense)

It's sort of fun to realize that in the first few chapters, Dazai's hand was hidden. What's maybe even more fun is getting a "glimpse behind the curtain" of Dazai's scheming. We know he plans for a lot of scenarios, he reads the flow of things in Yokohama and predicts likely scenarios from small bits of information.

Even Ranpo says that he's hard to deal with. Ranpo sees a lot more than most people do, he probably has most of the same information Dazai does a lot of the time, even if he doesn't necessarily have the context for it (having not spend time in the city's underworld).

Which maybe again begs the question of why Ranpo and the Agency have struggled so much against the Decay of the Angel. Fukuchi might have more resources, but so did the Port Mafia and the Guild. Dazai technically beat Dostoevsky during the Corruption arc even if Dostoevsky might have been expecting the scenario.

Fukuchi's sword sort of means he can see a few seconds into the future, but he still has a harder time beating Fukuzawa, who from what we've seen is probably the better swordsman in every sense of the word since Fukuzawa's way of the sword has a lot more to do with lifestyle and Plot Themes than with simple martial capability.

The last few pages of chapter 105 lay out clearly that what Dazai and Dostoevsky do is this illusionist type manipulating and misdirection, practiced and subtle enough that no one around them really realizes they're doing it. At this point, I wonder if they even notice.

In the way that young Ranpo and his genius parents didn't notice that the rest of the world is not lying, they just don't make deductions the way Ranpo does. Dazai and Dostoevsky feel isolated from other people not just because of their abilities but perhaps in part because the redirection is almost second nature. Dazai's power generally distances him from exactly the kinds of people who might be able to understand what it's like to live as an ability user. I suspect Dostoevsky's power has something to do with causing proportional harm to people who want to hurt him, but it's possible he determines what "hurt" means, or that he's unable to control whether his ability reacts to someone wanting to hurt him versus whether they intend to act on it (ie Ango's subordinate who tried to handcuff him and ended up dead? likely dead).

I don't know why Dazai says this to Sigma, of all people. They've never met before, despite Sigma having some similarity to both of his protege's backgrounds, or maybe because if Dazai gets his hands on the Page, there's every possibility Sigma will just disappear. Or I suppose, there is something I do understand in that Sigma is considered the epitome of the "average human" even though Dazai is right and there is technically no such thing.

This is a story that tells uses the names and backgrounds of story writers. One of my favorite things to read, and which I myself have a difficult time emulating, are short stories about the lives of normal people - how they perceive the successes and failures of their small day to day actions, how they invent or experience grand cause and effect even when there is likely no such thing, how they lie to themselves and how they invent truth.

I think a lot of people who relate to Dazai, both the character and the author, can understand having a fear of people. Humans are unpredictable, and those moments of unpredictability are what make things dangerous.

If you can predict someone's actions or even entice them into going the way you expect, it can make things safer. It can also make them very very lonely. Dazai is also smart enough to see how things might go if he didn't manipulate things, leading him to wonder when is anyone being genuine with him if he can himself alter most situations. It's a self perpetuating problem that others around him can sometimes insert themselves into, but it's not easy. Dazai's level of intelligence, his sense of humor or habitual "clowning", and his depression each have served to isolate him in different ways from "normal" people.

And yet:

"I am not a superhuman beyond the limits of human wisdom."

I think he knows that members of the Agency are starting to see him for who is is, but more importantly, Dazai himself is finally acknowledging that despite the layer upon layer of facade, despite the fact that he may not be understood at every single moment, he's not completely unknowable.

In the context of his ability, his recently killing Chuuya (maybe for real and maybe for good but we hope not, we hope that the water tank is maybe part of the "tension and timing") and a lot of other people, this undeniably dark part of him that we've never seen before, Dazai is somehow more transparent than at any other time. He's a human who likes playing games, who is resentful of this nearly month long imprisonment, whose bandages stop before his elbow, who is angry with other people and what they represent to him, and who is trying to show someone who has only seen how people can use him that maybe there's some way to protect himself, some way to become individual and break out of the meaningless tale Fyodor has tried to write them into, that no person's way of being human can ever be average.

Then again, everything is one hand or the other, so who knows what lies behind this confession yet.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Villain of the Year" Episode Followup, Part 1

Well...I had initially wanted to put these out right away, but...frankly, I needed a break. And I am, in fact, an impatient child who did not want to put 480p screenshots on here for y'all to squint at. I'm nearsighted, people. Let's not make it worse.

Anyway, let's get started on this next batch of episodes. This one covers "Villain of the Year", which is sort of like "A Job Well Undone" but with a legitimate villain and a Chinese-knockoff award. I just...need something good. I need to get the taste of watching a nuclear war movie out of my mouth.

Below the break, if you will.

Ignoring the horror vibes Captain O is giving off here...

Your writer for this episode. Athena's written for a few things before, though nothing in the kids realm. Seems to be mostly comedy stuff, as far as I'm aware, which is good, but good comedy does not a good Odd Squad episode make. It's merely a fraction of what makes it good.

Waddlin' down to the river to pray for this one.

There's been talk of if Odd Squad could be used to make good horror, and honestly, I'm inclined to say yes. This shared ability is a good example.

"Have you heard of the domino effect?"

*tight-ass smile*

MmmmmmmIdontlikewherethisisgoin'.

...All the agents?

The entire precinct?

Even the ones that aren't, y'know, Investigation agents?

God, if this is how Britain does things, I fear for if they ever make Odd Squad Down Under.

I actually forgot Osip (Ossip?) was the name of the first lift operator in "Lift Off". I'm hoping their name is a play on "gossip" because if not then I will be sorely disappointed.

"And tell Osgood to bring a snack with him!"

Ah yes, stress-eating. To be honest, it's a fair reaction if (nearly) every member of her precinct is out fighting a boss that can fall and squish you to death.

I like this divvying up of side characters. I'm not too keen on allowing one-shots to come back for a season that spans a mere 12 episodes, though. Depending on how the episode's written, we could either get a ton of information on the one-shot in question, or jack shit.

Hey. Hey. Remember when there was a villain lair at the bottom of the ocean or something, where all the villains gather?

You remember there was a Villain Network in Season 3?

Yeah, this "Villain Club" thing basically blew all that shit out of the water. What's the Villain Club? What are the requirements for entry? Are there only 21 villains in town total? Are there some that aren't in the club? You don't know!

I'd have liked it if there were a Villain Magazine to contrast with Odd Squad's own magazine, to be honest. But alas, it's not meant to be.

See, this is why criminals steal money. In any given large town, who the absolute fuck wants a paper crown and a rosette for bing-bong bullets off a house or kidnapping the children? You do bad things, you're not getting a paper crown and a rosette no matter how many times you do it. You want something else. A new TV. Money. Something valu-

...I take it back. I take it all back. You win, and you get what I have to assume is some kind of a steroid.

Granted, it's a special kind of drug valu-

...I take that back. It's some kind of a device that boosts a villain's power.

Causing oddness in one go, though...I would imagine "in one go" would vary depending on what villain got the power boost.

*long sigh* I really just want another drug allegory like there was in "Set Lasers to Profit". That was fun. I liked that. Do it again!

The man can already wield that power better than Oprah and it's already been halfway in.

Maybe he's related to her. Distant cousin or something. He does use it for shits and giggles.

Stinky Sock Sue and I'm willing to bet her odd power is making agents stink.

I dunno guys, we might have a contender for "villain with the stupidest schtick of all time".

...

WAIT HOLD UP, GOOPY GUS IS BACK???????? WHEN THE FUCK DID BRO MOVE TO BRITAIN????????????????? YOU CAN'T JUST BRING BACK A CANADIAN VILLAIN LIKE THIS IT NEEDS E X P L A N A T I O N . ATHENA WHAT IN THE S H I T .

Oh God...if she's got the balls to bring back old villains like this, this episode might actually turn out good. Bar's raised a couple inches higher. Just a couple inches.

See, Bubbly Bob is portrayed as harmless, but in actuality, bubbles could do a serious number on an agent. Trap them in one and they can go flying. Trap them in one and they could suffocate. Team up with a water-based villain and trap an agent in a water bubble and they could drown.

He's...probably too much of an idiot for all that, though.

Ah. He's not an idiot. I rest my point.

Nearly halfway in and I'm finding that Osip could be interchangeable with any other notable side character and there would be absolutely no difference.

I don't mind her as a character, but she's a one-shot. You can do a lot with that in a single episode, but Athena's not dragging out any sort of potential.

Wow, Osgood's solid. He should consider acting.

Yeah, you can tell this is a girl who absolutely despises milkshakes and has no whimsy large enough to do the "blow through the straw and make your milk bubble up" thing.

HE DOESN'T TAKE THE HAT OFF EVEN WHEN HE'S PLAYING SOCCER?????

At this point it's like a Linguine-Remy situation goin' on and I wish we had an episode dedicated to that.

See, this could easily lift Osgood up, up and away. No problem.

But y'know...clearly we gotta have some level of realism, and this is where the ding-dongs decided to place it.

There's...no gadget to clean up the mess? They have to use mops?

Aw God, Athena...what the fuck are you DOING, honey?

OHP SHE DID IT. SHE SAID IT. SHE SAID THE LINE.

...Doesn't hit the same as when Oprah did it...BUT SHE SAID THE LINE!!!!!!!!

"Maybe next year I'll get four votes!"

The man's got good sarcastic wit, I'll give him that.

going door-to-door as what are essentially campaign managers

election day's coming up

Ooooooooh I know this is Britain but ooooooOOOOOOOOH did those sorry sacks know what they were doing.

He's a socially awkward nerd. No wonder why no villain wants to vote for him!

(Hey, they would be the ones to care about that stuff.)

Waitwaitwait, hold on...so Dottie's setup on that island was temporary? She has an actual home?!?!?

Okay, props to Athena for not bringing another past-season villain that I would demand another explanation for...but this is just as painful as when Season 3 did it. "Mission O Possible" specifically, since it brought back the Noisemaker.

THEY ARE OUTRIGHT FUCKING MAKING UP LIES ABOUT THE CANDIDATES AND THIS IS 100% PURELY AN ELECTION DAY EPISODE OR YOU CAN BITE MY ASS.

We've had election episodes before, but not many are willing to pull off direct parallels like this. If you think about it a certain way, this is like an Independent trying to get votes when everyone only cares about the two existing parties and the candidates in those.

"That's not a sock, that's a napkin on a foot!"

I just found my new favorite phrase when buying socks. Thanks, Athena!

Is this...is this just like a recap episode of all the villains we've seen thus far? Is this to remind us that they exist and aren't forgettable? Because I could name a good chunk of villains in this season by name alone.

(On to Part 2!)

[revolvingfanatic]

Hey Fanatic!👋

Its been a while(In case you forgot, im the guy who asked about the PIB x Toy Story crossover from last year😅). Howve you been?Are you doing better after the car accident from last year?🤔

Heyo!

It has been (thanks for the reminder; I’m not the best with names in general, and usernames can further complicate things sometimes, lol 😅)! Things have been going smoothly with my recovery and I actually just “graduated” from physical therapy today 🥳 Thanks for asking ✨ As for what I’ve been up to for the past couple/few months, one of my friends mentioned this thing called the “Nickelodeon Writing Program” to me in October, and long story short I spent nearly every waking hour learning how to write a screenplay and then writing 2 of them! 😵‍💫

One is a Rick and Morty script spec, the other is a half-hour original comedy pilot script (which was extra hard since that was actually the first original thing I’ve ever written [only fanfiction up to this point otherwise, lol]). I finished and submitted them on New Year’s Eve, and they should be announcing who made it to the next round in March~

I’m really excited to see how it goes, as I would absolutely love to be a cartoon/tv writer 🥹

And now that I have that off my plate for the moment, I have more free time to get some more fanfic writing in! 😈

Hope you’re doing well yourself, and feel free to send any asks you want my way! 🌈 ✨

[slugterran-fanatic]

Pronto

I forgot a lot of what I was going to write for this post, but that's okay

Anyways, Pronto's main reason for being in the group is mainly as comedy relief and no other person I fear. He just doesn't contribute a whole lot besides laughs. He's literally the whole cause of Slug Fu Showdown because he couldn't shut the fuck up about the Elementals. You know, the strongest slugs in existence? The ones that they all nearly died for? And almost died again because Pronto couldn't shut up?

Pronto has a few moments that demonstrate he's not purely comedy relief, but it is certainly his main purpose as a character. Also the way his face was animated in the Eastern Caverns kind of made me uncomfortable because his head became so lopsided and his eyes did the o.O thing which looked so bizarre on a character. He also subverts audience expectations with his two "deaths" which were fitting considering how unlike humans he is. Geoshard ghoul to the chest, with the intent of destroying his heart? Nah, his heart is in his ass instead! Fell of a bridge into quicksand? Molenoids spend their free time swimming in it! He's just so full of comedy while also being an annoying runt that it is baffling sometimes when he has a competent moment, and no I'm not counting when he was granted false courage from the Emperor's blaster sword

That's it for my rant, I thought of this at like 2 am enjoy

[my-excellent-bicycle]

Taskmaster Dream Contestants

Whenever people bring up their dream contestants, a few names always rattle around in my head, but I've never actually sat down and wrote out a proper list until today.

I should mention that Ivo Graham would be on this list if I wrote it several months ago, and I'm incredibly hyped to see what disastrous things he gets himself into during S15.

David O'Doherty

I mean, if you've been following my blog at all, this should be a no-brainer. He's a perfect mix of silly, wholesome, and weird that would be perfect for the show, with a hint of athleticism as well. And he hangs out with lots of TM-related people like Alex Horne, Tim Key, Rose Matafeo, Dara O Briain, and others to the point whether I question why he hasn't been on already. Only time will tell whether he becomes one of the fandom's beloved "old men." (A term I use loosely since he's in his 40s.)

Rob Brydon

I'll admit I only know him from Would I Lie To You and his Brydon & podcast (I haven't seen his stuff with Steve Coogan), but Rob seems like the type of contestant who isn't afraid to get into humiliating situations, while also having that combative banter side that Greg would waste no time trying to put down. And I guarantee you he'll try to squeeze in an impression whenever he can.

Susan Calman

Whenever I see Susan in the lineup on a panel show, I already know I'm gonna enjoy it. Her enthusiasm is insanely infectious, and I just know she'll want to throw herself head first into any task she'll get. Her QI episodes are legendary, and the way she can steer the entire room towards the weirdest situations has made me cry laughing numerous times. And she also seems to have a sweeter side to her that will surely make her a fan favorite.

Harriet Kemsley

There's a specific clip I saw of Harriet Kemsley on Hypothetical that was just pure insanity, and made me go "yeah, she's gonna be great on Taskmaster." Unfortunately the clip isn't accessible on US YouTube anymore for some reason, so you're gonna have to take my word for it. Between that one wild Hypothetical appearance, and her appearances on Catsdown and Guessable, Harriet is sure to be among the "chaotic" contestants, bursting with nervous energy. Something tells me that she'll also torment Alex during the tasks. Think Bridget Christie on TM but x20 at least.

Adam Hills

Can you believe I nearly forgot to include Adam Hills on this list? He's always a joy to watch on The Last Leg, and just appears to be a great human all around. He's athletic and has a great competitive spirit, but also very down to earth. Oh, and he's also hilarious and witty, and I bet he'll bring some level of sass to the studio portions of the show, with maybe a joke or two about his leg thrown in there.

Henry Paker

A bit of a left-field choice, but anyone who listens to the Three Bean Salad podcast (which also features Mike Wozniak) would agree that Henry is an odd man. His tangents on the podcast are legendary, and happen so often that someone actually calculated the speaking time between all three podcast hosts, determining Henry spoke over 10x longer than the others. His Wikipedia page sorta reads like a press release, and says Ivo Graham once called Henry's 2010 show the "funniest stand up he's ever seen." I could see him reaching Ardal or Bob levels of absurdity on the show.

Miles Jupp

I don't really know much about Miles' comedy outside of his appearances on Catsdown, but every time I see him show up during the introductions, I already know it's gonna be a great watch. His chemistry with Sean Lock (who would have easily been included on this list if things were different) was always a treat to watch, and I could watch them shoot the shit for hours on that show and not get bored.

Jamie Laing

This might be a controversial choice, since I've seen lots of people call him irritating. I know Jamie has his roots in reality TV (which I haven't watched), but the instances in which he's rubbed shoulders with comedians have really warmed me to the idea of seeing him on Taskmaster. Watching him be "confident" on House of Games despite being absolute shit at the quizzes is the perfect attitude I'd want in a Taskmaster contestant, and the comedian interviews he's done on his Private Parts podcast were excellent, and shows he already has great rapport with more established comics.

Richard Ayoade and David Mitchell

Both of these are cliche answers to the question "who do you want to see on Taskmaster," but they're brought up often for a reason: it would make for amazing television. A prevailing notion that's repeated when the prospect of Richard on TM is mentioned is that he "has a persona that he wouldn't want to break." This might also be true for David, but the joy of Taskmaster is how the show pushes back against personas and presents comedians for who they are, rather than how they would necessarily prefer to be seen. The idea of David having a breakdown over a silly, inconsequential task given to him would be the stuff of dreams, and I could already see Richard starting a task saying "I wouldn't want to do that," before immersing himself in the weirdness presented to him. Will they ever go on TM? Probably not. Do I still want it to happen? For sure. Listen, if VCM could agree, so could her husband.

And as a bonus, here's a list of comedians I don't know as much about aside from brief appearances on shows or podcasts, but have impressed me enough to want them on TM:

Jayde Adams

Cariad Lloyd

Darren Harriot

Ahir Shah

Sam Simons

Huge Davies

Nick Helm

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Report on new directions/future plans in my longterm comedy podcast listening.

Well, I’ve reached the end of the long-term thing that I listened to constantly and nearly exclusively for four months. The Elis James/John Robins XFM/Radio X years, plus a side project of anything else John Robins did at the same time. When I got to the end, I said in a few posts that it felt like it in its last few months it was changing direction a little bit, in a way I didn’t love quite as much, and I knew it the move to the BBC would send it sharply more in that direction (more mature, more professional, among a few other more specific things).

So I wasn’t sure if I would jump right into the BBC episodes, even though I have them all downloaded. Because a while ago I got concerned that they were deleting old episodes, as I’d opened a podcast feed once to find them there and then again later to find the first 24 gone. I’ve since realized those were two different podcast feeds, the official one that for some reason is missing the first 24, and an unofficial one that has them all. But anyway, I became concerned about whether they might disappear, as I always do with any media I like but do not own (in the form of an mp3 or mp4 saved to my hard drive, not just accessing it through some other platform). So I got a very helpful friend who knows about programming scripts to download them all off BBC Sounds and send them to me, and did the same with the XFM/Radio X episodes for good measure, so now even if the podcast feeds take those down for whatever reason I’ll still have them. Not that I expect that to happen but, you know, it does sometimes. Also, cutting out clips is easier if I already have the mp3s and don’t have to keep downloading it every time I want to do that. I am probably a bit overly meticulous with my need to download and save everything I like on the internet, not trusting that it’ll just stay up there. But I’d rather be overly cautious than not cautious enough and lose stuff when it disappears.

I thought I might just move on from the Robins/James stuff after I achieved retro oner status from the Radio X years, but then I went exactly one day without it and immediately found I missed it. It really was perfect for my purposes. I had in on constantly for months during the commutes to and from work, on break or while doing admin at work, and most of the time I was at home. I took a break for a few weeks just before I finished all the episodes, and missed it then. I just got used to it, that many hours of this one type of humour, I decided a day later that I couldn’t just leave it there after all, and I would at least start the BBC ones.

And then. Okay. This is fine. This is objectively fine. It upset me for entirely subjective and pointless reasons. But. Okay. Some time ago – maybe six weeks, I’m not sure and I don’t want to look it up and check – I posted an old video I found on YouTube featuring John Robins. It was a nice video but also clearly from a long time ago and not something he’d chosen to upload as part of his current career, and as such I almost hesitated to share it, but then I did anyway, because it was a nice video and it’s fine.

The other day, it was brought to my attention that that video has been taken off YouTube. I had previously been aware that some people connected to that video had seen my Tumblr post about it, and that freaked me out enough, but I didn't find out that the video got taken off the internet until, fortunately, just after I finished listening to the radio show (fortunate because I'd have found it hard to finish the show while knowing that). It's definitely my fault. It sat there unnoticed for 14 years, since it was uploaded in 2010, and everyone forgot about it, and it was doing fine on there. Then I share it on Tumblr, which brings its existence to the attention of people who’d forgotten about it, and it almost immediately gets taken down.

I of course still have the video, due to my policy that I’ve already outlined in this post. I downloaded it immediately after finding it. But while I downloaded that one, I did find myself thinking, this is a bit silly, even for me. Obviously I don’t need to worry about this one disappearing from the internet. It doesn’t have any kind of copyright issue that could get a strike, it’s a home video just owned by the people who appear in it. It’s been there for 14 years. That’s not going to suddenly change. But I downloaded it anyway, because, I don’t know, what if there’s some wild scenario where they suddenly remember it’s there and get rid of it? It did not occur to me for a moment that me sharing it on Tumblr would be the event that causes that happen. But that is definitely what happened.

Normally, in a case like this, I would make a Tumblr post about how a video I liked has disappeared from the internet, but don’t worry, everyone, I have heroically saved it, and I’ve now uploaded it to Tumblr so people can enjoy it once more. But I won’t do that with this video, because this time, they took it down for the specific reason that they did not want it shared on my specific Tumblr blog. That’s the thing they were trying to prevent.

I will of course respect it, but also, what the hell? Something getting shared on my Tumblr blog does not mean it will be spread around. Any given post of mine is read by like four people. There is no one here, guys, it’s absolutely fine. I do try to have some amount of respect and discretion on this blog with the things I get to listen to that aren’t supposed to be a matter of public record, but I pretty much do that out of theoretical, hypothetical principle. I could say anything, it wouldn’t matter, because no one is reading this. Okay like four people are reading this, but statistically, in the grand scheme of things, no one is reading this. And I promise I won’t tell Steve Bennett. It’s all fine.

It doesn’t actually matter that a short video got taken off YouTube. I’m pretty sure no one actually saw my Tumblr post and thought it was a huge problem and I’d committed a grave error by sharing it. It was an 86-second video of a digital DJ singing a Bob Dylan song in 2010, he wasn’t saying racial slurs or anything. But I had been posting a lot about that radio show over the last few months, including posting some stuff that was probably too personal and getting too into digging up all the stuff I could find around it, and did feel self-conscious that I was taking the fandom too far, and now that I know something I put out there actually did come to their attention and cause them to decide they don’t want that out there, I feel like a child who played with a toy too hard and broke it. And now I don’t want to poke at that toy any more in case I break it further. By which I mean listening to more John Robins at this point will induce what he refers to as the shame well.

So I’m going back to my decision to leave the BBC podcasts, though I will keep them downloaded in case someone suddenly decides to remove them from the internet. And instead, for my next long-term thing that I play on the way too and from work and whenever I get a break or any free time nearly anywhere… I’m not proud of this choice, and I’m not saying I’m definitely going to stick with it. It is possible that this brand of terrible offensive humour will get old quickly, and I’ll want to move to something else because I listen to all the hours of this. But for the moment, I have downloaded every episode of the Ray Peacock Podcast and the Peacock and Gamble podcasts. Downloaded the mp3s off Fourble, because the RSS feeds seem to be missing some stuff, and I just like have these things saved.

I listened to the first seven or so episodes of Peacock and Gamble a while ago now, it repeatedly made me laugh but also made me check to make sure my headphones were definitely connected and no one in the centre for disabled children where I work could hear the kind of filth I was listening to during my breaks. Elis and John never made me feel the need to check on that, which was nice.

I’m just really craving some unprofessionalism in my comedy right now, and that’s got to be the best way to get it. I listened to the first three episodes of the Ray Peacock Podcast today, and Jesus Christ. A lot of different types of offensive going on there. Some that I think are objectively fine even if offensive to some (explicit sexual talk), some not so much (no need to get too specific about that, I’m sure you can imagine). But it was really funny. Made me laugh out loud on the bus, and also check to make sure my headphones were definitely connected on the bus. I'm pretty sure nothing that comes out of Ray Peacock's mouth is true, so that does help.

It's a very easy listen, the way drunk food that's terrible for you is easy to eat. Twice now, I've reached the end of an episode and been surprised because it didn't feel like I'd been listening for that long.

Any comedy radio show or podcast where someone unironically plugs their MySpace page - that's my favourite era. And that's right where we are, in the early Ray Peacock Podcast (I started with Peacock and Gamble when I was just trying it out months ago, but as I might stick with it this time, I'm starting from the beginning). Ed Gamble appears for the first time in episode 4, so that’ll be fun. I haven’t even got to him yet.

That’ll be fine, right? Peacock and Gamble doesn’t feel like a toy I could break, because it has so little respectability to begin with that I couldn’t tarnish it. And unlike John Robins, it’s not like Ed Gamble said anything in a recording around 2010 that he’d prefer not to have someone dig up in 2024 and share on a blog. (That was of course sarcasm, but also there genuinely isn’t a danger of that, because there’s a difference between what level of unacceptable joke I’m willing to laugh at privately, and what I’m willing to publicly endorse by sharing on Tumblr. Someone might cancel Ed Gamble someday, but it won’t be me. And it wouldn't be me even if I posted transcripts of the eight most offensive things he said in 2009, because there are a maximum of four people reading this.)

Seriously though, I might get sick of this after a few more episodes and go back to where I left off the Pappy's podcast, which is my other option. Or even back to BBC Elis/John, after some time for the initial shame well to dry a bit. It's fine. It'll be fine.

[tllgrrl]

Snitches by @tllgrrl aka Nefertiri Jones & @shellyac75 aka Shellyac

Sam Wilson & Bucky Barnes | Rated: G

Summary: “I know what I’m doing, Sam. It’s not nearly as far as that time when I—what…what’s that? Waitaminute. Who are you calling?”

Sam looks Bucky dead in his blue-grey eyes and says the last two words Bucky wanted to hear right now:

“Hey, Sarah?”

* * * * * * * * * *

“Cap, Buck…I mean Sarge. COMM Check. We’re at altitude. Coming up on Jump Point in 60…”

Sam sets the volume on his COMM. “Thanks, Torres. Loud and clear.”

Bucky, following Sam to the door of the plane, grabs a COMM device, puts it in his own ear, and throws a thumbs-up at Torres.

“Look. I’m just saying. You better not jump outta this plane without—and I don’t care if it won’t kill you. I know you’ve done it before, but I’m telling you, Buck! I don’t want to have to hear about it from—”

“You don’t—“

“I mean it, man. Don’t make me do this…”

He pulls something out of a hidden upper mid-chest pocket of his suit.

“I know what I’m doing, Sam. It’s not nearly as far as that time when I—what…what’s that? Waitaminute. Who are you calling?”

Sam looks Bucky dead in his blue-grey eyes and says the last two words Bucky wanted to hear right now:

“Hey, Sarah?”

“Sarah?!? Are you kidding me? You’re telling Sarah on me? How old are you?!?”

“Yeah, Sis. No, no! Everything’s fine. But Bucky—“

“OKAY! Okay! I’ll get a ‘chute, DAD!”

Torres, watches the whole scene, trying to look like he’s keeping an eye on the digital display so Bucky won’t see him laughing. It’s always something between those two. They’re comedy gold. Even more now that Bucky’s dating Sam’s sister.

“Here. See? I’m gonna put it on. Now, hang up the pho—no wait, gimme that—“

[His voice changes, going softer and sweet.]

“Hey, baby? It’s me. Ou konnen mwen sonje w, wi?

Thanks, sweetness. I been practicing. Yeah, I miss you too—“

“Man, shut up.”

[Sam grabs the phone and pushes Bucky out of the plane, not even partially buckled into his parachute.]

“Au revoir, cyborg.

Sarah? Hey, guess what Bucky did…”

Later that evening…

“Yeah, Baby. I figured you saw it. Sam got Redwing to…yeah…in 4K.

I know I promised I wouldn't do that anymore, I just forgot at first…

But I did have my parachute! I was about to put it on, then Sam pushed me out of the plane.

I'm really sorry, nandi. It won’t happen again. Hug the boys for me—hey, they didn’t see—? Good. Don’t want them to…yeah, get ideas!

Ok I'll tell him. Ndiyakuthanda, sweetness. Bye.

Hey, Samuel? Sarah said to tell you a’ight bet.”

“I'm a dead man.”

* * *

The next day…

“Hey, Sam, Torres says we’re stopping off in Wakanda before going back to Delacroix. Why?”

“Because I value my life enough to know that I gotta bring back something nice for Sarah so she'll actually be happy to see me. If you were smart you’d do the same.”

“I already got something that’ll make Sarah happy to see me when I get home.”

A few minutes later...

[Bucky opens his eyes and sees Redwing hovering above him, just out of reach.]

“Very funny, Sam. Oh! Hold on…”

“What…what’s that? Who’re you callin’?!”

“Hey, Sarah? Guess what Sam did…”

* * * * * * * * * *

Glossary

Ou konnen mwen sonje w, wi? (Haitian Creole) You know I miss you, yes?

Ndiyakuthanda (isiXhosa) I love you.

nandi sweet, tasty, delight

* * * * * * * * * *

NOTE: For now, Snitches is also posted HERE on AO3 for members. Hopefully they’ll get their whole AI thing worked out, but for now over there it’s locked unless you’re Registered.

[stormoftara]

Okay here is my recommendations for this season of anime! Not in any order really, just what I'm gonna be watching

1. My Happy Marriage. I was talking about this one before, but now that we are a few episodes in, I can heartily recommend it. A Cinderella-esque story set in Japan on the brink of westernization. The main character is a very timid girl due to her upbringing, but I can see her changing as she escapes her family and gets to know her fiance. A fun romance story with an interesting twist in the second episode!

2. Zom 100. This one is really fun. A young man gets hired at a black company, a place where he hardly gets to sleep and works nonstop. He can't even muster the energy to quit, but he's on the verge of giving up. But then the zombies come! He shouts with joy! He doesn't have to go to work today! A show about him finally getting to enjoy life (and try not to get killed)

3. Reborn as a Vending Machine. An isekai. No wait! Come back! It's about a vending machine Otaku who is not killed by truck-kun. No, it's vending machine-kun who gets him. He is then reborn in a fantasy world where he's... a vending machine. He has to navigate a whole new world where he can't even communicate with anyone else. Thankfully a girl with the blessing of strength comes along to help carry him to adventure. A comedy that looks to be a lot of fun.

4. Saint Cecilia and Pastor Lawren. Another romance? Yes! Pastor Lawren is special in many ways, but mostly he's really oblivious. He finds a new Saint and takes her into his church. Who is really taking care of who here, though? And will Lawren ever realize that Cecilia is crushing on him? Probably not :)

5. The Gene of AI. A sci-fi anime. Humanoids, a type of robot that is nearly indistinguishable from humans, except for their pupils, have become so advanced that they have been granted human rights. A certain human doctor of the humanoids who was (maybe?) adopted by a humanoid, takes on difficult cases dealing with the humanoids. What does it mean to copy someone's personality and is that copy just as real as the original? Can a humanoid surpass the limits that were hardwired into them? These questions and more are explored in this anime!

6. The Girl I Like Forgot Her Glasses. Hey. Do you like watching a burning trash fire? Well do I have a show for you! Animated in ways that might make you vomit, this show is about the most ditzy girl who is practically blind, somehow, inexplicably, forgetting her glasses. Nearly daily. It's okay! She has the boy who sits next to her to help her out. This show is pretty cliche, but the way it's animated. Wow. GoHands, the company behind this show, is uh. They have a very unique way to animate things. I can't look away from this.

I've heard that Undead Murder Farce is also good but I haven't had time to watch it. I'll try to find time to check it out!

[zhakyria]

Just needing to get a few personal things off my chest and into the void. Since apparently they are weighing more heavily on my mind then I ever expected.

Last couple days have been rough. Spent nearly all day yesterday on the verge of panic for no apparent reason. It's still not fully gone. That sensation of a hand griping my heart, and ache that threatens to tear myself apart.

My guess a lot of stems from loneliness. I've always felt somewhat alone, even when surrounded by friends and family. There are very that I have really ever felt like I have connected with.

I don't do well with long periods of solitude and yet I have no desire to seek out the companionship or company of strangers. I know I should, find some group activity to enjoy. I often hide who I am or want to be in those situations and it's now become more of struggle to do so.

Though I have an older brother, I don't remember a lot from before he left for college. So, at times it felt like I was an only child, and we both agree that though we had the same father - he wasn't the same at the same time. He'd mellowed a lot as he got older and that is the Dad I knew. Watching old westerns, or bbc comedies on the tele. Working together in the shop. Being yelled at when I messed up or forgot to do the chores I was asked to do hours previous. Dad wasn't perfect, but he did care for us and he was one of the few people that would hug me. Mom doesn't like to hug, she will if prompted or asked but she doesn't care for it. Dad's hug was the hug that chased the fears away, made me feel protected, and secure, and happy.

I have longed for that hug every god damn day since his passing. I found it briefly among the few boyfriends I've had, but those relationships are in the past and I'm still so very alone. So very lost.

I thought about high school this morning, about the few guys I had interest in back then. I was told not to date, it wasn't worth it and well, I hated to disappoint my parents. And I was still under the illusion of traditional gender roles and never asked anyone out. There were a few though. Two came to mind. The 1st was a recent transfer student, a boy with reddish hair and who felt comfortable to be around, though I never really became close friends with him. Back then I ghosted between groups and cliques. Only really feeling in my element playing cards at lunch when those of us who couldn't or didn't leave hung out regardless of clique. Anyways, last I heard he joined the military - marines I think.

The other boy was the son of one of the science teachers. He was smart, wore big glasses and had an even bigger smile. He was kind. And yet....and yet. I can't remember his name.....I can't remember....

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I actually rewatched S23E37 earlier, thinking “I might as well watch it again before it goes off iPlayer”, and honestly I’m pleased to announce that it holds up really well. I was just as impressed with it on my second watch as I was when it aired, maybe even a bit more. It’s not perfect, sure, but it’s really good, and for Holby’s last ever Christmas episode it could have been a lot worse (indeed, the show went right back downhill again just 2 episodes later, after a fairly good batch of episodes).

More specific thoughts:

- Eli and Amelia’s scenes are still utterly heartbreaking. The moment when Amelia has her scan and Eli realises they’ve lost the baby before Amelia does, and Amelia’s all excited to see the baby and Eli, as a doctor, just knows - it’s tremendously sad. Davood Ghadami and Lucy Briggs-Owen were both just brilliant.

This episode is a strong contender for the best performance Davood ever gave as Eli, honestly. He was absolutely incredible. It’s such a shame Eli was introduced when he was - he really felt like a character out of the good old days of Holby, and he could’ve been even better if he’d been on the show when the writing was stronger and if he’d had years to develop as a character.

- I really do adore Amelia and Eli’s relationship. They’re such a lovely, sweet, healthy couple who are always there for each other and who communicate with each other and sort things out. They might be one of my favourite Holby couples.

- Speaking of my favourite Holby couples, rewatching this episode reminded me just how much I miss Josh and Ange. She really upgraded there, going from dating Fletch to dating (and getting engaged to, and presumably being married to by now) Josh. They had such brilliant chemistry and, again, they were a genuinely healthy and loving couple, which you didn’t always get on Holby. Their engagement scene nearly made me cry.

- Jac deserved better, what more can I say.

- Jeongsoo singing Christmas songs is still a nice little moment. It’s a shame they barely focused on him or gave him any development (I know he was introduced quite late, but look at the amount of development Josh got, and he was introduced at the same time!).

- I actually briefly forgot about Zosia’s video call to Ollie while I was watching, so I was very happy when I got to that scene again. I started watching not long before Zollie got married, so I can’t lie, I felt very satisfied seeing them finally get a definitive happy ending. (Even though that whole story arc does still confuse me a bit, because I seem to remember they said Zosia and Ollie would be raising their son together after Zosia’s guest stint a few years ago, but then in S23 Ollie turned up and kept saying he barely sees Arthur??)

- The Kylie and Louis subplot is amusing enough to still get a few laughs out of me on the second go-round, and I have to say, I’m really glad they put some comedy in the episode given Holby by this point was basically just misery all the time.

- The Henruss was still cute, but dragged down a bit in hindsight by the fact that their storyline fell apart a few episodes later. Sigh. Also, I’m still confused by Henrik not wearing glasses in theatre in this episode. Like... could he even see what he was doing?? 😂 I know he used to go without his glasses quite a lot, but I don’t think he’s ever not worn them while operating in any other episode, just while in his office or wandering the wards and stuff.

[lexiklecksi]

Okay I have one or two more things to add to what @lyssentome and @songsofloke said. Fair warning: this will be a long ramble, mad respect if you actually read this, scroll down for a TL;DR

Big shout-out to @songsofloke for the spectacular tip, I will actually try to act out difficult scenes with my characters and take reference videos of me for movement. Also I fully agree with everything @lyssentome said and I will further elaborate why.

Firstly, I have been writing short stories since I learned how to write at 7 years old. My first story was probably about me adopting a pony (don't judge little me lol), but at age 9 I wrote my first fantasy story about a pony ranch with unicorns (yes I was a horse girl). So writing fantasy is something I have enjoyed for most of my life, and I do have a lot of imagination for making up fantasy characters and world-building. But I never enjoyed writing descriptions, looking back at older stories and drabbles, I never even described landscapes or general surroundings and sometimes forgot to describe how my characters look, even when they had a cool character design.

I also wrote several theatre scripts, the first one in 4th grade/ around the age of 10. We performed that play for our school's 50th year anniversary. It was a play about school 50 years ago (yes, during the second world war) and we met with a former student, which was a very sweet 90-year-old lady who told us her story. Based on her retelling of her school time, we wrote that play (or mostly I wrote that play). Unfortunately, my teacher didn't like my idea to end the play with a bomb dropping on the school (which actually happened). So I wrote a whole play within 5 weeks during school breaks based on many meetings with the old lady. I had to rewrite what she said, so it would sound like a natural dialogue my classmates/ fellow theatre kids could say and perform on stage. Though, I'm still mad that my classmates voted for me to play the strict teacher. Our audience was the whole school and all parents and friends, even the Mayor came to watch the play. So my first theatre script was performed for an audience of 800 people, which is still bafflling to me. It was so much fun to write theatre scripts, and it came natural to me, so I ended up writing many more theatre scripts for my drama class until year 10/ age 16 when I couldn't devote time to drama class because I had to prepare for graduation.

Since the age of 14, I started writing poetry nearly daily. I just love to express my feelings and thoughts in flowery metaphors. After all, poetry can convey more emotions and complicated concepts in very few words, something that most prose lacks or takes pages to explain. Writing poetry nearly daily for 10 years has changed the way I view myself, others and the world around me. Sometimes, I even speak in metaphors (which can lead to misunderstandings). It just makes sense to me.

Currently, I'm writing the first draft of my fantasy novel and even though there are boundaries, I will leap over them. And if that means skipping a page or even a major plot point, then so may it be. Eventually, I will finish my fantasy novel, even if it takes me longer than other fiction writers. Also, it might be refeshing to readers to read a fantasy novel with wacky/ witty/ sassy dialogue (basically fantasy comedy) in scenes with an emotional impact and flowery metaphors. Or at least that's how I encourage myself to keep writing.

TL;DR: I started writing fantasy stories, poetry and theatre scripts from a young age, which has majorly shaped my writing style. So, what I meant when I said I could relate to this post is that writing dialogue comes easy to me from my experience of writing theatre scripts. Writing flowery metaphors feels natural to me because I sometimes even think and speak in metaphors. Writing fantasy stories has always been my passion and even though it takes more effort to figure out how to describe my fantasy worlds and how to introduce my characters, it is worth it because I love it.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that the only thing I have going for my writing are: a) dialogue and b) emotional scenes with way too many flowery phrases. Idk how to do anything else. I have no spatial ability. Why the Fuck am I even a writer if I can't visualize shit.

[breitzbachbea]

A Rec For All The Hetalia History Nerds Out Here

Hello my fellow enthusiasts of the five minute comedy anime. I actually decided I should do even more unpaid PR for my favourite BBC4 Podcast.

Anyways, if you are a fan of Hetalia and already a history nerd/would like to get into history, do I have the thing for you:

You're Dead To Me is a Podcast for "people who don't like history, people who do like history and those who forgot to learn any at school". Each episode, the host Greg Jenner (Public Historian & "Chief Nerd to the TV show Horrible Histories") sits down with a comedian and a historical expert, to deliver nearly an hour of a funny history lesson. While you can't cite a podcast for a term paper (as my Dozent pointed out again today), it is still genuine, university lecture level knowledge! And to make sure your head won't explode from all the facts or that the academics won't get lost in ivory tower vocabulary, the class clown is there to ask clever questions and make silly jokes. So it is super factual and super accessible at the same time.

Often, you will get a glimpse at how historians work & how they access the past, too! I know the Anti-Intellectualism is rampant these days, but making academia more transparent and shed light on why certain stories haven't been in the spotlight until recently due to all kinds of bigotry is a much better start than people making shit up on tiktok.

Tomorrow (June 10th), the new series starts, but you can start to listen to the podcast right now with a backlog of over 80 Episodes!

Over 80 Episodes on what, you ask? Everything!

You want to learn about Black History? You will love the episodes on The Notting Hill Carnival, Paul Robeson, the Haitian Revolution, the Harlem Renaissance & many more!

You like your royal history, full of politicking, personal drama and intrigue? We've got The Borgias, King James IV. of Scotland, Saladin and The Mughal Empire for you!

Love the ladies, past and present? Let me introduce you to Eleanor of Aquitane, Joan of Arc, Harriet Tubman, Josephine Baker, Mary Shelley and Mary Wollstonecraft!

Sick of hearing about Western (European) history? Sure thing, find something more to your tastes with The Asante Empire, Mansa Musa, The Tang Dynasty, Genghis Khan, Ivan The Terrible or The Ancient Babylonians.

I could make so many more categories and I'd still not cover every single episode, I am sure. You're Dead To Me is avaible online, on the BBC Sounds App, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

If you could check out the podcast & share this post/the podcast itself, it would mean a lot to me. As a history student who is currently working on getting her BA, it's immensely important for me that people learn how to recognize the past in the present. That they look around the world and see how we got here a little more clearly; that they look at remnants or depictions of the past and see its context better. If you think that sounds marvellous, if you always wanted to get into history beyond the googleable hard facts, then I invite you to start your journey here with me.

Also, the jokes are often really funny, I swear to God, there are so many bangers that live in my head rentfree.

"So I'm a Dutch-Brit?" "You're a Dutch-Brit." "So I'm Brutch -"

"I have a few silk shirts, every single one of them a mistake. I bought one of them in Italy and I don't know what I was thinking, I look flat-out divorced."

"They found 400.000 [clay] tablets, mate? That's amazing, that's more than at Glastonbury!"