#I messaged him on insta to see if we can reconnect

[rainia]

looked up my childhood best friend on instagram, and when I knew him age 11 he was a sweet scrawny guy who was a little too obsessed with dragons, and now he’s a 6’4 (???) giant, who still seems sweet and obsessed with dragons

[itsclydebitches]

The post about how characters don't connect to the setting is one of the reasons why the beginning of V7 frustrated me so much. James gives this plan of telling the world about Salem, Weiss rightfully points out their will be panic everywhere and NO ONE connects that with the very real fear that this plan could put all their families in danger. Nor does anyone get excited about the Amity project potentially allowing them to call home. Ruby's been away for A YEAR. Doesn't she miss her dad at all?

Exactly! This isn't a bad faith criticism where we're demanding the show do a ton of emotional work that there just isn't time for in the fighting focused plot; a claim that it's awful because it's not functioning as one genre (like a drama, soap opera, etc.) over another (action/adventure, fantasy, sci-fi)... I mean we get nothing in regards to this issue. Not even crumbs. And these connections are, supposedly, at the very heart of the "trust love" narrative. I think it's easy for people to forget what happens between volumes — especially given the "Only the latest volume is canon" mentality — but we literally had Ironwood announce to Ruby that he'd need to use his army to keep the grimm attacks at bay once the Salem secret was revealed and then a volume later Ruby reveals the Salem secret (along with a whole lot else that is scary, horrifying, and generally negative-emotion educing) after she's cut all ties with Ironwood and his army is fully engaged in keeping Salem at bay. There is no discussion, let along concern and worry, about how many people she just got killed for an announcement that the show has failed to justify. Why is telling the world about Salem worth the casualties it will cause? What is the world going to do against the immortal witch? Ruby doesn't know. That's her whole dilemma this volume: wanting easy answers and then crumbling when she can't think of any. Problem is, she endangered the whole world before admitting, "Oh, I have no idea how to stop all this awfulness."

I mean, I understand on an emotional level why the hypocrisy of Ruby's lies and secrets don't land because most people in the fandom dislike, or outright hate, Ozpin. That's really going to color any reading there, when suddenly the beloved hero is mirroring someone you despise — you'll do whatever mental gymnastics are necessary to keep them separate. But Ruby has no evil contrast here. This is all her. We watch her make a decision that she knows will endanger the entire world, including her loved ones, and it's never even raised as a concern. The same way no one raises concerns about going to Vacuo. Yes, supposedly escaping was the only option available (I say "supposedly" because the plot did a terrible job of convincing us that evacuation was still necessary with Salem currently exploded and it having been established that she's only after the Relic on Atlas), and in a crisis situation they aren't necessarily thinking about long-term survival (that's my own stance regarding Ironwood's desire to rise high: he's not thinking about how to live there indefinitely, just how to survive the next few hours), but why send them to the Kingdom they know Salem will attack next? The Crown is hidden. You have the Lamp and the Staff. You know Salem is after all the Relics, so of course she's going to Vacuo. And so you dump however many refugees there, in the city she's gunning for next, intentionally setting up the next Fall of Atlas? Yeah, we all know it's because structurally the story hasn't been to Vacuo yet, but in-world it makes the characters look incredibly stupid. Why dump an entire Kingdom's worth of people in the most hostile environment, with the most wary citizens, a place you know the Big Bad is heading to next, when you could instead split them up and send them to safer Kingdoms that aren't currently in Salem's path? "Oh, it's because Vacuo still has huntsmen and they need huntsmen to combat all the grimm." There wouldn't be a massive grimm problem is Ruby hadn't told the whole world about Salem!

And this problem of not thinking through actions in a way that demonstrates real care for the world is just compounded over and over on a personal level. It's the same way Ruby doesn't care about what happened to Qrow until she hopes he can fix everything. The same way she doesn't react to Yang "dying." The same way Yang didn't mention Summer for five volumes. The same way Jaune, Yang, and Nora rejected Ren until he fell in line. The same way Blake is trying to inspire Ruby when they've barely exchanged a handful of sentences since Beacon. The same way, as you say, no one has made mention of the family they've left behind, let alone considered how building a communications tower might be a way of reconnecting with them, especially when at least two of them — Ruby and Oscar — left completely out of the blue. Are they presented as caring about how that inevitably hurt their care givers? Nah. The fandom gives Tai so little slack, but at least the story showed him watching Ruby's message and being upset at the danger she's in. When was the last time the girls mentioned Tai?

... have they mentioned him since they left home?

The show has done a terrible job in the last couple of years of showing that these characters actually care for one another, beyond a superficial level, especially when all the cute friendship moments that function as filler are obliterated the moment one of them disagrees about something (see: Ren). There's no sense of place and little sense of real family, from Weiss doing multiple 180s with Whitley, to Blake being the only one who reacts to Yang's "death." It all rings so hollow. I'm supposed to believe that Ruby is still the one to inspire the world towards unity when she, at the point of her speech, still hasn't even tried to reconcile with Ozpin, has been betraying Ironwood this whole time, insta-turned on the Ace Ops for trying to make her face consequences for the crimes she knows she committed, fought her way into the kingdom because she didn't like the peaceful solution Cordovin offered (send Weiss), hasn't made mention of her father, collapsed over hearing her mother's name only to get over it seconds later, at this point in the volume barely interacts with her sister, and is leading a team whose attitude ranges from "Glares at Marrow for daring to suggest she works with anyone other than Yang" and "Points a weapon at her baby brother because she, apparently, can't even manage to work with a minor civilian family member." This is the team who is going to inspire Remnant to unify against Salem, the group who keeps not unifying with everyone they need to work with? There is a serious disconnect here. You can't tell the audience to "trust love" while failing to show basic love and support among the cast, and you can't try to make Ruby the poster child for unity when she has, since Volume 6, has consistently failed to unify with anyone: not Cordovin, not Qrow until he agreed to stop questioning her, not Ozpin, not Ironwood, not the Ace Ops, not even Robyn considering that was all Yang and Blake. Ruby's struggle right now is an inability to work with people who don't agree with her 100%, her biggest flaw is an all or nothing attitude, and the writing is failing to see how that might just be a problem when she's telling everyone else to put their differences aside to work together. Having Ruby actually try to connect with people more, worry about them, express love for them, etc. — both family and allies — would at least help soften this issue, but without it her characterization has severely tanked in terms of the compassion the show wants us to believe is still there.

[not-your-damsel]

I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys

I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.

*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up

She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.

Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.

And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.

That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.

She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.

But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.

It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.

I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.

However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.

I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”

I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.

I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”

Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.

Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.

[winged-fool]

Hey friend! Anti-max/echo/Maria anon here 🧡🧡 so a very random message from me today! I recently saw some Insta footage of Jeanine Mason (not sure if you know who that is, she has the very occasional guest spot on Roswell NEW M… I believe the ‘NEW M’ in the title stands for ‘never ever without Maria’ given she is the female lead in the show 😒😒 even random messages can contain some Maria salt 💅 hehehe) attending the burning of the Zozobra and of course that made me think of your fic ‘505’ and so I had to swing by and flail about it!! It’s SO GOOD 😍😍 Michael and Alex working together and Alex slowly getting comfortable being his hilarious, snarky self 🥰🥰 and him and Michael becoming friends and Michael introducing Alex to his found family 😍🥰😍!!! And Alex singing karaoke 😍😍 and Michael trying to repress his feelings for Alex and Alex being so understanding when he finds out about Michael’s trauma 🥺🥺 and them falling in love so beautifully 🧡🧡🧡 and Alex talking about his own trauma and admitting that he had hoped to die in Iraq 🥺🥺 and then the two of them going to Roswell so Michael can reconnect with Max and Isobel!!! Oh I just love it so much and I’ve reread it a lot over the last few days so just wanted to swing by and say that you’re amazing and you’re writing is amazing 🤩🤩🤩 I’ll be back with salty thoughts soon but until then, sending lots of love your way 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Hmm Jeanine Mason...? Never heard of her! 😜😜

But thank you so much my friend!! I loved writing that fic so much! It was like my love letter to Albuquerque and the fun things I love about New Mexico! I think going to see the burning of Zozobra is the only thing in that fic that I've never done! I grew up listening to stories about it from my grandma but we never went sadly :( I really hope to do is someday though!!

Thank you so much! I always love and look forward to all of your asks 💙💙

[your-world-with-nct]

— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰

— to my followers ;

my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3

— to my dearest mutuals ;

@emistoomultifandom

em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜

@misfitneo

bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞

@nsheeteeish

loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤

@cloudyangers

dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍

@nctsoftarchives

andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰

@jensungf

coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟

@doyoungcore

joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕

— favourite reads of the year ;

i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)

@nsheetee - moonlight café

obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈

@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before

the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌

@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride

it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!

@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever

these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖

@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss

although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰

@luvdsc - not clickbait

i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞

@pwarkhans - the neo academy

i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘

@yongtxt - vintage

when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!

@byunbaekby - apartment b23

i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰

— favourite works of the year ;

unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3

1:48pm -> dad!johnny

one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈

1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong

i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)

12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark

7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at

11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno

this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>

waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction

when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰

— favourite releases of the year ;

just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED

nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2

nct 127 - neozone: the final round

nct dream - ridin’

wayv - awaken the world

superm - super one

enhypen - border: day one

twice - eyes wide open

txt - minisode1: blue hour

seventeen - semicolon

stray kids - go live + in life

itzy - not shy

conan gray - kid krow

if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))

[rochey1010]

Ok this is my final post, and i really need to shut up after this. 😄

So i was convinced for a long time that Benny.Taxi would be revealed to be Daphne or Bas. But as we're reaching midway into the 4th episode. I've changed my mind and actually think it's gonna be Eliott. That last movie reference Max and Mary sealed it for me. Like my thoughts are all mixed so i'm gonna just list them as best i can. Here goes:

▪︎Benny.Taxi is an account that Lola converses with. Lola confides in and trusts Benny. We haven't been told how long she's been talking with Benny but we'll assume it's some time. Benny gives lonely Lola comfort, and she hurts when Benny is distant. So Benny is like an online penpal for Lola.

▪︎Benny represents a dual or hidden personality. The avatar is Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks. By day she was girl next door but by night she was a wild child in the seedy underbelly of Twin Peaks. Drugs, sex, deliquent behaviour, she did it all. She was dead in the pilot episode and the mystery was basically 'who killed Laura Palmer' you could almost say by dual personality, a bipolar personality.

▪︎Benny tells Lola they'll be with her at the funeral. Eliott is at the funeral and is the only one who sees Lola and reaches out to her.

▪︎Lola breaks from her eulogy and tells the church all the dirty Lecompte secrets. She runs from the church. Everyone is outraged at just what happened, except Eliott. His reaction is one of " shit i recognise this, here we go" and yeah we assume Eliott understands just how deeply hurt Lola is and he relates to that pain. But what if it's actually Eliott reacting to that specific story Lola told and realising he knows this story. And he's heard this story. Benny heard this story and now Lola is telling this story. And holy shit this is his online friend.

▪︎Benny is distant after the funeral and Lola is hurting over the silence. We assume Daphne's angry so won't answer. What if Eliott won't answer because he's freaked out about Lola being his online friend.

▪︎Eliott confuses the hell out of the fandom and posts an obscure movie Night of the Ghouls by Ed Wood. The girl in the clip is hysterical and distressed over the ghosts outside. What if this is Eliott freaking the F out because the ghosts of the past are on his doorstep. And Lola is the ghosts.

▪︎Benny sends Lola a picture of her and Lamifex in encouragement of her new group. The post now shows that Benny knows what Lola looks like. At the party Eliott talks to Lola about him being happy she has a new friend group. He also says "you and me, we are the same" showing heavy identification with her. Benny knows all Lola's secrets as Benny is Lola's chosen therapist. Eliott knowing his online friend is Lola could be also acknowledging their deeper connection.

▪︎When Thierry gives Daphne the family heirloom gift and talks about the generations in the family and Daphne being a part of that. Eliott looks over towards hurt Lola as he seems to be the only one that remembers Lola's pain in the church over being another man's child. The rest with the insulated nature of the group focus on Daphne only, and coo and aww at how sweet the gift is. They were in the church too, and once again along with the dad, show a casual indifference to how hurtful this must be for Lola. Eliott the lone wolf. Part of the group but not insulated, again sees the bigger picture and recognises Lola's Pain AKA an outlier connection.

▪︎Lola after Thierry's reveal about Daphne, leaves the party to go on a bender. Very soon after Benny contacts her asking what she's up to. Lola doesn't respond. We assume with Daphne's message wondering where she is that she switches over to Benny and tries to reach her. But Eliott was at the party too and showed twice that he was aware of Lola's presence.

▪︎the next day Eliott reaches out casually saying that they didn't see her leave and he hoped she was ok. He tells her he told lucas the truth about urbex. Eliott seeing the bigger picture would have seen her leave. He also showed that he listened to her words about lying to his boyfriend. She hasn't replied to Benny yet. Eliott sends a concerned text and then he follows her on insta.

▪︎Lola says at one point to Benny "ya know you can confide in me too, i'm here to listen" and Benny replies to her concern with "I'll get by" this could possibly be a low mood for Eliott. As he has frequent depressive spells with his bipolar.

▪︎Maxence said in an interview that "Eliott uses his past to help the main" this season. And Eliott plays a very important role and will be seen a lot. We will also get deeper insight into Eliott too. And Eliott has a beautiful evolutional arc according to Maxence too.

▪︎ MAX AND MARY - jesus where do i start here. This is practically a confession. It's a penpal friendship based on being 2 lonely souls. A outlier connection. Both with mental health problems. And there being an age difference between the 2. And the connection is innocent and platonic. They've been conversing for years and Mary grown up with a baby comes to meet Max but just misses him as he has died. Eliott being Benny, but has moved on to a better place in his life and has put his past demons to rest. And then they knock on his door.

So that's what i have so far that makes me convinced that Eliott is Benny. Now Why is Eliott Benny?

Honestly i don't want to entertain some fans saying it's creepy or predatory because i think they're forgetting that it's Eliott we are talking about here, and he is none of those things. If you think that then you really never understood Eliott. Ok, so we're gonna get deeper insight into Eliott through Lola and their connection this season. But we never have heard about Eliott's past. I suspect we are gonna though in the coming weeks.

When Eliott shows up in S3. We know he's coming from a huge crash and it caused him to start again. We later learn that it was so painful for him that he never told his best friend Idriss that he was bipolar, and he severed the friendship and ran. Lola told Maya her problems started 3 years ago. And she was put in the hospital within that 3 year time frame. We'll assume she'd been cutting for some time before being exposed. So let's say she was put away within the last 2 years. Eliott has been with lucas over a year now. So we'll assume his issues were also within a 2 year timeframe too.

What if Eliott was hospitalised after his crash to balance himself, or if the bipolar was newly diagnosed to get him used to his routine and meds. I'm just gonna assume for a second that Eliott undiagnosed got up to some chaotic and wild shit e.g. drinking, drugs, sleeping around, wreckless behaviour etc. All things that tend to happen before a diagnosis during a manic episode. Like i said i'm just making an assumption here as i do think Eliott gonna start revealing stuff the fanbase has suspected of his past.

So anyway, what if that's how he bonded with Lola. They were friends in the hospital. But hear me out again. What if they never saw each other and conversed through notes, or had adjoining rooms that they would talk through. Like the notes and sending messages are Eliott's thing. And i suspect those doodles are coming back too. Then Eliott left first but maintained contact with his friend. And then showed up to S3 as the new mysterious 3rd year that falls in love with Lucas. But he kept Benny hidden because Benny is his bipolar and past, and Eliott has a lot of shame, embarassment and self loathing in himself connected to his bipolar. So he's starting a new life but holds on to Benny because it allows him to keep contact with his friend who helped him in the hospital when he was at his lowest, lonely and hurting.

Or it's not that deep 😄 and Eliott simply became Benny through an online outreach. A forum, message board, something for therapy purposes. And now the ghosts of the past are actually coming to his door. And those ghosts are Lola. And they will reconnect and help each other. As Flavie said she helps him too. And they will put the ghosts of the past to rest finally and move forward. Her with Maya, and him with Lucas. Thank you for coming to my rambling word salad Ted talk. 😊

[whtaft]

“You probably don’t remember but you saved me from some bullies once in middle school and god damn it every year you just get hotter” au This so them lol!

It’s… a little confusing when Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers follows Bucky on Instagram. At first, Bucky’s like… did I follow him first? Is he one of those dudes who follows everyone who follows them? But neither of those things are true.

Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers just… randomly follows him on Instagram. And likes his stuff. And sometimes leaves comments. And always watches his stories.

Weird.

“Look at this comment,” Bucky says, holding his phone out to Sam one evening while they’re getting drinks.

“Haha looks like fun,” Sam reads aloud, then frowns. “And this is his actual, verified account?”

“Click it!” Sam does. He frowns harder. “Why is this happening to me?” Bucky asks.

“Man, I do not know but have you seen his Calvin Klein ads?”

Bucky has seen them. Bucky doesn’t know why the man is Insta-stalking him, though.

— —

It’s a few weeks later when Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers slides into Bucky’s DMs.

Hi Bucky! Loved the photos of your dog at the beach. He’s so cute. Wish I could have a dog but I wouldn’t be able to take care of one. Hope you have a nice day! :o)

Bucky has no earthly idea how to respond to that.

Haha thanks. You too.

It’s… enough, he thinks. Probably enough.

— —

“What the hell is going on?” Bucky asks, taking his phone from his pocket. It’s been buzzing constantly throughout his last meeting and he doesn’t know why.

Turns out, he’s suddenly got about… two hundred more Instagram followers. Which means that he now has about three hundred Instagram followers.

“What the fuck?” he mutters, opening up the app and seeing that fucking Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers has tagged him in a story.

He watches it, slightly irritated. “Checking out my old haunts,” he says to the camera. He’s on a playground that’s… mildly familiar. “Got beat up here,” he says, gesturing to a bench. “And here.” He points to a swing set. “And my childhood hero Bucky Barnes saved me from getting another broken nose over by that tree. Thanks Bucky!”

Bucky blinks once. Twice. He watches the video over again.

He thinks that the playground is his elementary school playground. Which means Steve Rogers would be…

Holy shit.

Little Stevie Rogers? The asthmatic one a year below him who got the snot kicked outta him all the time? That’s Oscar-winning beefcake Steve Rogers?

Fuck.

He doesn’t know how to respond to all of this, so he just deletes Instagram off of his phone for a few days until things die down.

He doesn’t send anything to Steve, specifically. He doesn’t know what to say. Just because he pushed a few bullies away twenty years ago doesn’t mean that Steve needs to do… whatever it is that he’s doing. It’s all a bit weird and Bucky is just going to… ignore it until it all goes away. Because that always works.

— —

Except it doesn’t work.

— —

Bucky’s watching some late night show with Sam while they wait for their Friday night delivery when Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers is welcomed to the stage.

“Oh it’s your boy!” Sam says, laughing.

Bucky just rolls his eyes but… he starts paying closer attention.

They talk about some new movie of Steve’s that’s coming out and a few other things. Then the host asks Steve, “So, there’s been a lot of speculation about your love life recently.”

“Has there?” Steve asks playfully.

Host nods. “So, can you tell us who you’re dating?”

Steve just laughs. “No one,” he says. “I’m being honest, I swear. In fact, I’m so desperate that I tried reconnecting with my childhood crush on Instagram and got ghosted. That’s how single I am.”

“Ouch,” the host says.

“Woof,” Bucky says. “That’s gotta hurt.”

Sam looks at Bucky, then at the screen, then Bucky again. “You realize he’s talking about you, right?”

Bucky blinks. “What?”

“You’re hopeless. Please go answer this man’s DMs and at least let him down easy. Remember when he helped Betty White get on stage at the People’s Choice Awards? Have some class, Bucky.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky takes out his phone and downloads Instagram instead. Turns out, he’s got a few messages from Steve, sent over the span of about a week.

Hey, sorry that you’ve got a few more folks following you now. I didn’t really think about what would happen if I tagged you in that story. I just thought it would be fun to tag you in it since that’s where we met.

I realize now that I never really explained why I’m following you. We were never really friends and you probably don’t remember me, but you saved me from a few bullies back in the day. I was just excited when a friend showed me your account. Actually had a big crush on you back in the day, too. Maybe I still kind of do now.

Sorry, that message looks even more stupid the longer I stare at it.

Again, sorry about all of this!

Oh. Fuck.

He can’t help it — he responds.

Sorry about ghosting you. Ended up deleting the app for a while (even if that sounds like a line). Next time you’re in New York let’s get a drink and catch up.

An hour later he has a notification.

Didn’t think you watch late shows.

I don’t, usually.

You know that they film in New York, right?

Bucky… did not. But it was probably too late to go back on his word, so he doubles down.

Huh. Let’s get a drink, then?

Yes, let’s. :o)

— —

The next time Bucky shows up on Steve’s Instagram, it’s a post announcing their relationship. Bucky has his own account set to private beforehand, just so he doesn’t have to deal with the notifications.

[mandivsman-blog]

11/27/2020

Speaking of being stupid. Someone has been trying to inch there way back into my life recently in a sneaky, immature way.

I haven’t developed feelings for many men in the past few years. I wasn’t particularly interested in relationships. Plus, I have so many options I was just enjoying my life and experimenting with different things. I was hyper focused on growth and what I wanted. Also, I was traveling a lot and wasn’t ready to include another person in my decision making. I think it was..August, I met this man, I refer to him as airforce (obviously he was in the airforce). Now, I wouldn’t normally date a person in the service. There’s a group subconscious in service men that well don’t jive with my ethics, and the people who know me know ethics are extremely important to me. He seemed different. He was from Montana, relatively quiet, brilliant, read constantly, and smoking fucking hot. Top 3 most attractive men I’ve dated. I mean, he was/is like irresistible to me. Handsome, nice lips (big for me), dressed well, 10/10 body, tattoos, awesome haircut (also big for me), and the most perfect Cock I have ever seen. When I say perfect cock, I mean, I wanted to photograph it and hang it on the wall. Sometimes, I would just hold it in my hand and look at it...look HARD. Now, he was extremely meh at the sex. Nice dick doesn’t automatically mean good at sex. He went for waaaaaayyyyy too long and he was big so sometimes I just grit and beared it until he was finished. But, he was a great kisser and cuddler. People don’t understand that kissing and cuddling after sex is just as part of sex for some people as the actual acts are.

Anyway, he planned amazing dates, was affectionate, successful, and he was an independent politically. That’s important to be in this age because the political climate is extremely black and white at the moment and being an independent shows me he didn’t let the military sub culture affect his decision making skills. A real free thinker.

But, alas, this man lied to me and after that, I was done. No back and forth with him. This is the 3rd time he’s tried to reconnect with me. The time before this current time, he reswiped me on a dating app and I answered and said “why”. He said blah blah blah, yatta yatta yatta. I wasn’t reading. At the end, he wanted to exchange information again so we could take more and I told him he was out of his mother fucking mind of which he ignored and tried to ask me how I was doing. I left him on read and went about my business.

Fast forward, about a month on so ago, out of no where he likes a few of my pics on Facebook. Then, a week ago, asks to follow my personal Instagram. I accept because, why not. Then, heart eyes some of my stories of which I leave on read. Finally, asks me “How are you?”

First off, if you’re a man doing this, stop it. Fucking stop it. Grow a pair and ask me what you want. What do you want? I have zero patience for this even though I suppose I do it somewhat.

Do as I say, not as I do, AMIRIGHT?

I’m 30 and I’m over it. To me, this behavior says “I’m casting out lines and waiting for something to bite”

This is humiliating to me. A man thinking that he can just come and go when he needs companionship is just, a fucking disgrace.

A man trying to make me one of several is also humiliating.

Like, boi, go get some bitches that hate themselves and throw that dirty ass dick to them.

To me, that situation ruins the sanctity of any type of relationship, even primarily sexual ones. He doesn’t care about any of them as human beings. He doesn’t want to improve or add to their lives. He’s just making sure HIS needs are met. He tells them whatever they want to hear. All he’s got is dick and hope. Most of the time, these types of men lie or omit this for fear of losing. Again, this lack of information limits the informed decisions that the woman’s make.

If she would otherwise prefer to not be with a man who is entertaining multiple women then the person lying about that is securing the relationship by deception.

Sounds to me like a pathetic, weak way to secure a relationship. Sounds exhausting. Sounds like eventually when the masks come off, the relationship will explode.

Now, going on other dates and being honest about it makes sure that there’s no bad energy on either side. Both parties can make informed decisions to what they want. Without that honesty, one person begins to care for a person who never really existed.

Maybe there’s women who are okay with a man they’ve developed feelings for building relationships and sleeping with other people. There’s a name for this, polyamory. If a person wants polyamory then that’s what they should seek, polyamorous people. Instead, they hope to trap and trick mono women into caring for them, gaslight them if the women bring up fears or concerns all in the hopes they don’t get caught. Hoping if they do get caught, a women dislikes herself enough that she believes she doesn’t deserve better and sticks around.

This behavior is not fair. And, if you’re a person who perpetrates this behavior, it’s not fair to you too. ThisBehavior limits the connection and security you can feel from people. It numbs and dulls the senses. Quality of life a person receives from their relationships diminishes. They won’t be satisfied with anything simple, everything will have to be complicated for their attention to be held. 

But anyway, Air Force is still like, deliciously hot but I do not forget what he did and I will not see him again. I accepted his follow request on insta and he keeps 😍 my stories and liking pictures. I only did that so he can take a look and realize, once again, he ain’t shit. Apparently, this is some type of language doing those things via social media.

Now, say, AF had messaged me and said something along the lines of “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you lately and wanted to know if you’d possibly want to reconnect? I’ve grown a lot this year and I think you’d like to get to know the new me.” Or some variation of “I’VE CHANGED AND I WANT TO SEE.” If that were the case I might bone a bone his way and grab brunch with him but he doesn’t have the plums to communicate directly OR he knows his intentions aren’t to reconnect but to fuck.

[coolseanobuseng]

New Post has been published on https://legitlover.com/youve-been-lied-to-about-how-to-please-your-husband-in-marriage/

You’ve Been Lied to About How to Please Your Husband in Marriage

Maybe you’ve been lied to about how to please your husband in marriage. Maybe you’ve read somewhere and you gotten lost in precisely what you need to do. This is your last stop.

It’s no shock that sex is super significant to us men. Most times, men will acknowledge that it’s number one on their list for what they want in a marriage and research submits that men do tend to have higher sexual cravings than women.

Nevertheless, many men have other cravings outside of sexual relations or emotional needs. Husbands don’t always ask their wives for what they want, and many have thoughts and feelings that they keep to themselves.

For example, some men feel a sense of responsibility to take care of their wives monetarily, even if she earns more or they’ve worked out a dual-income involvement to the household. This example generates pressure that affects the relationship, so appreciating his inner world will open you up to a world of understanding and opportunity.

Related: What Husbands Can’t Resist Free Ebook

Affection

While sex remains very significant for most men, many simply want to experience more affection. Whether holding hands in public, a love message on his voicemail, or an out of nowhere kiss. It displays that you care about him through actions of fondness and will touch his heart.

Try diverse ways to reveal how much you care about him by being warm. Modest things you can do include telling him how much you love him, reassuring him on when he’s feeling doubtful, and telling him you’re sorry when things go wrong.

 How to Make Your Partner Feel Special

Belief in His Skills

Many men think it’s vital for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let him know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him. You encouraging him is the most meaningful of anyone. The most critical thing you can do is make your man feel like an adult and not a little a child.

Check what makes him tick by giving him a little control (as you are comfortable). Such as, you could put him in charge of directions for your next road trip. Little things like this develop trust between you two and give him a sense of responsibility in the relationship.

Understanding

Feeling understood is an important part of a good relationship. They are often more reasonable and enjoy problem solving. This has a worth and creates a balance between the women who are generally more emotional and in touch with their feelings.

One of the ways you can both demonstrate is that you recognize each other is by making a commitment to talk daily together. Plan a daily dialogue ritual where you take 20 minutes to ask each other positive questions. This could include things about what attracts you to one another, or what your partner’s favorite quality is.

Appreciation and Affirmation

Men like being patted on the back. One way to do this is by complimenting your husband often. Rather than over-doing it, make sure it’s sincere and periodic throughout the week.

Do simple things like:

Kiss him and tell him you really appreciate him as a person.

Let your husband know you admire and appreciate how hard he works.

Tell him how good he looks in that shirt.

Acknowledge him for how he takes care of the family.

 How to Give Unique Praises When You Have Social Anxiety

By now I believe now you notice that you’ve been lied to about how to please your husband in marriage 🙂

Acceptance

Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and don’t want others to try to change them. Men are often hurt and infuriated when their wives try to change them, in particular. If it concerns their health and safety, it’s comprehensible, but superficial characteristics aren’t essential to bring up.

You can show how much you accept your husband for who he is right now by:

Pledging to agree to disagree in arguments.

Getting contented with being different from our partner.

Learning to accept ourselves so we can accept our husbands.

Being tolerant when it comes to different activities, opinions, or politics.

Seeing his imperfections and loving him anyway.

Less Chatter

If he’s tired, tangled in a project, or just generally isn’t up for a chat, don’t shove it. Women can be especially chatty sometimes, so it’s vital to carve out time to talk with your husband. Consider expressing yourself in additional ways to your friends, other family members, through alternative ways like whatsapp, Insta, journaling, and online forums.

You certainly don’t want a relationship where you never talk. Communication is imperative, so when you really want to chat and get intimate, check in with him to see if he’s up for it. If he’s busy, you may need to schedule some time with him so you two can get back on track.

Respect

Crafting a loving and memorable marriage starts with respect. One of the best ways a wife can show her husband that she loves and respects him is by actively listening to him when he talks, and not intersecting.

You can also exhibit respect by:

Evading making negative comments about his thoughts and ideas.

Being thoughtful of his upcoming plans.

In general being positive, thankful, and considerate of his wants and needs.

Choosing not to use the “eye roll” when you disagree with him because irritates like…..

Give Him Free Time

Almost everyone has a need for some “me time”, a moment to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect with themselves. When he first gets home from work, you may give him this space by letting him to unwind without any chatter or questions.

On his days off, be aware of his schedule by not arranging too many activities. If you really fancy an activity with your husband on the weekend, consider picking one day on the weekend, or making plans every other weekend. Or just communicate with him to find out his plans first.

Trust

This is important to the success of any relationship. Healthy relationships is built by being honest with each other, communicating often, and learning how to fight impartially. It takes time to build trust. Over the time, you two will learn what it means to keep promises, be yourself, and show how much you love and value each other.

If you have doubts about your husband and find it hard to trust him, seek counselling. Don’t participate in activities like infidelity or spying.

Companionship

Confidently, you can say that your husband is your homie, lover, and friend. Remaining friends and companions throughout the years need that you find habits to make quality time to be together and have new practices.

Marrying your best friend also means being watchful of how you talk to each other, not taking him for granted, and making small sacrifices to please each other. Practice using kind words, show your thankfulness for him daily, and choose to watch his favorite local sports game instead of your go-to show.

Was I right that you’ve been lied to about how to please your husband in marriage? Share your comments below.

You may sign up here to get What Husbands Can’t Resist Free Ebook

[anything-advice-blog]

Ghosting

Hi, I’m Pumpkin. I’ve been having a serious problem with people ghosting me all the time. I can’t figure it out and I don’t know if I’m not sending out the right signals or what. Two friends from my childhood have done it in the past two years. The first friend is J, they messaged me a few months after one of our mutual friends passed away (two years ago). I had not spoken to either J or the friend who passed in a while, but I was heartbroken about it and glad they decided to reach out to me again. We planned to meet at a con, I texted them the day of, and they never messaged me again. Recently, they commented on my insta and Facebook posts and it makes me feel like messaging them again even though I’m hurt that they would forget about me. I think that it was too soon after the death of our friend for them to handle anything, but I miss them and would like them back in my life. I’m in my 3rd year of university and I’ve fallen into a depressed and lonely state that I want to change. I think reconnecting with people I genuinely loved would help, but many of those people have not contacted me in years. Do I take the first step or should I not message them at all?

The second childhood friend ghosted me on Skype. I have no other way of contacting her because she is not into social media. We used to e-mail each other our story ideas and I missed that, so I messaged her a year ago to see if she would be interested in speaking again. She was happy, and we almost made plans to meet again, but then she never responded to my messages. After J, I was upset this happened again and I never sent another message. I feel that if I had, I could have resumed contact immediately, but now it’s too late. Now I’m unsure if I should reach out to her in fear of the connection being lost.

Last one, I promise! The third happened very recently and with someone I don’t know very well. Like I said, I’ve been lonely and decided to make accounts on OKC and Tinder to see if I could connect with anyone. I’m looking for relationships and friendships. I definitely feel more ready for a relationship than I did a year ago, so I know I want to find someone, but I’m very shy so I resort to dating apps. I don’t meet people in real life, even in my classes. I started speaking to K, and he immediately asked to meet me. I figured he was funny and I wanted to be brave, so I asked him to go to the movies with me. We talked a lot and I didn’t make an immediate connection, but I thought he was cute and I’m willing to wait to see if I like someone. I don’t connect with others quickly so I know it takes time for me to get used to someone. We went out multiple times, at least once a week, over the course of a month. He texted me constantly. I even met his dad the second time we saw each other! The last time we saw each other, he planned an elaborate date where we went to an art museum and then the library (things he knows I like). He kissed me afterward. I thought it was going great and he told me he “kind of” had a crush on me.Then, his texts came once every few weeks. When he does text me, he asks how I am, but usually drops off the face of the planet after a few more messages. The first time he did it, I asked if he was busy, and he said he “needed to work harder” but wouldn’t give any details. He’s an art student, like me, but he doesn’t have a job like I do. I take more classes and work more than him, yet I still find the time to message someone I like. It seems like he messages me when he is bored because he knows I will respond, but doesn’t want to commit to me. I don’t know if he’s talking to other girls, and that doesn’t bother me much because we’re not together, but I feel like I should get more of an explanation after all the time we spent together.

I just feel like I put a lot of effort into people who won’t show me the same in return. All my friends have successfully found people (friends and significant others) who invest in them fully, but I am still lonely and cannot make the same connections. I’m not sure how to move forward from these experiences.

Thank you for your time :)

-------------------------------------------

Hey Pumpkin!

Ghosting is becoming more and more common and its important to remember that it reflects on the ghoster not the ghostee (if thats a word). That being said, you do have a few situations here that ill do my best to respond to. :)

I’ll go in the order you gave us, so first up is J. I have been in a situation somewhat similar to this and I think you are right in saying that it was likely too soon after your mutual friend's death. Many emotions come up around the time of someone's death and I think it's fair to assume that your friend got overwhelmed. While being ignored certainly hurts, I think that in this situation, it was likely not done out of malice. I think you should reach out to J once again. Something as simple as a text or a response to them on social media would be a low-stress way to contact them. If they continue to ignore you, there is no reason to continue to try to connect, but if you miss them, I would say to go for it! They may be considering reaching out to you, but someone needs to make the first step.

Second up is your second childhood friend. In this situation, it is very difficult to tell what was going on with your friend at the time, especially because she appeared happy to hear from you. It may be as simple as an accidentally deleted email. Again in this case, I would reach out to her. A friendly email just saying something like "Hi I haven't heard from you in a while, want to grab coffee sometime?" can go a long way. If she doesn't respond, you've done your part, but if she does, you have a chance to rebuild your connection!

Lastly is K. This is a bit more of a typical ghosting situation. In this case, I would recommend moving on. Not responding to his messages is not going to cause him any harm and if you are not seeing each other regularly in person, it is doubtful that he is interested in a real relationship. If you continue on dating sites, you are more likely to find someone actually interested in you. You can let him know that you'd like to hang out in person more frequently, and if he ghosts you or continues to have excuses, I would consider that a sign that he is not worth the trouble, especially after only a few dates.

If you choose to reconnect with your old friends and find that you do not have anything in common anymore, try not to take this personally, people change and grow apart. As long as you can honestly say that you made an attempt, you should be proud of yourself!

Good Luck, I hope everything works out! Xx, Meera

[chicassht]

A Letter to Myself

BLOG POST 4

Growing up, I didn’t come from a family where everything we did had a life lesson. Thank god. (Although there were a lot of educational vacations. That’s a whole other post though.) And while I was raised Jewish, we were not a religious family by any stretch of the imagination.That being said, one of the books I remember most vividly from my childhood, was a classic Jewish parable called It Could Always Be Worse! At the time I don’t think I quite grasped how quintessentially Jewish the title is. I can literally hear my Grandma Clara saying it in her Yiddish accent while she mushed my tush. But I digress.

The story is about a man who lived in a small house with his wife and several children. He felt paralyzed and overcrowded by his circumstances and finally went to the Rabbi for advice. The Rabbi told him to go home and bring a farm animal into the house. A week goes by and the man returns to the Rabbi, saying he feels even more cramped now. The rabbi tells him to add yet another animal. This goes on and on for weeks with more and more animals loaded into the house. Eventually the Rabbi says to remove all of the animals from the house. Once they are out, the man is ecstatic. He feels like he has a whole new home and now sees his situation in a new light. He is appreciative for all he has. It could always be worse.

I’m sure the relevance of this story’s message to our current situation is not lost on you. So, in keeping with remembering that things could always be worse, I have tried to write an honest letter to my future self, post corona apocalypse. So I can remind myself of what I’ve learned and what I already have in my life. 

April 13, 2020

Dear Post Corona Gwen,

Well, you did it! And you look AMAZING. I’m so glad you decided to start doing online dance classes, and running. Or at least running to online dance classes.

I wonder what it’s like on the other side. I wonder what you’re like on the other side. I would imagine, knowing you the way I do, that you haven’t changed all that much. I think you will appreciate your friends and family a bit more. You might shop a little less (Just a little though. Don’t forget about that super cute Juliet Dunn dress in your Matches shopping bag.)

But the one thing I’d like you to reflect on, is your perspective on having it all. I know it’s something you think about a lot. And everyone has a different definition of what ‘having it all’ means. To you it’s about balancing a successful full time job and the time you spend with your family and friends. But on top of that you look for praise and acknowledgement that you also somehow find time to cook (sometimes), entertain, manage schedules, work out regularly, have a side hustle and still keep up with ALL the Netflix and even some of the books and podcasts too.

I have no doubt that you will still want all of that now as life returns to normal. But, instead of always rushing to the office for an important meeting, remember it often works just as well to do it from home. And if that makes things easier for you, don’t sweat it. Because if you hadn’t been at home all those months, you might not know that Otis really needs to practice his cello. And that he’s an amazing football/soccer goalie! Not to mention, you’re actually pretty good at football yourself, even in jeans. Chic.

And Izzy is so confident and natural on his skateboard. So next time he asks to ride it to school, just cool your jets and let him, instead of stressing out about it making you late. Remember that having it all, isn’t just about you. To have it all, is for you to have a happy family. And when you’re stressed or putting too much pressure on yourself, they feel that.

Having it all is also not just a list of things to check off. Spending time with your family is more than being in the same place at the same time. You have so many friends that live all over the world. A lot of whom it’s taken a pandemic to reconnect with. Don’t just talk about your friends. Talk to them.

And Adam. I know his chewing is super loud and annoying. We’ll never truly understand what goes on inside of there.  But yes, I think at some point in the last ten years he had a mini megaphone installed in his mouth just to irritate you. That said, remember that you never felt closer than when you were forced to spend every single second of the day together in unprecedented circumstances. It was no longer a competition over who had done more or who hadn’t done enough. You just shared the load and got on with things. Appreciating each other. Except that time when you cleaned all the toilets in your house of three pee and poop stain blind boys. You keep that one in your back pocket for a rainy day. 

You loved having every meal together as a family. And Higgins loved it the most. That dog eats so much more when he’s not starving himself with separation anxiety.

Anyway, you get the idea. I really hope you continue some of the thing you were forced into, now as life adjusts back to normal. That you remember what you’ve learned about yourself and what you’ve learned to appreciate. But, Gwen, if you remember one thing, please let it be this. Pandemic or no pandemic, drinking alcohol and eating carbs every day makes your face fat. Knock it off.

Love Always,

Corona Gwen

P.S. I almost forgot. When you’re hormonal, maybe take a break from the old Insta. It doesn’t matter what anybody else is achieving (or saying they’re achieving). You’re doing great and I love you. And maybe that is having it all!

[gayluigi]

I hate when you try to reconnect with people from your past and they don’t want to talk to you... I recently tried to refriend an old friend of mine on Facebook, and she didn’t respond to my friend request... fast forward to a couple months later and my dad’s like “did you see that [name] is Michael now?” and I’m like “what... you’re joking.” And apparently my dad is friends with their dad on Facebook, and could see that he had a suggested friend on their dad’s profile that was Michael W. and was mutual friends with their dad and my old profile. And I was like WOAH COOL!! They were raised by conservative parents so I’m really proud of them for living their truth!! (I say “they” bc that’s what they have their pronouns set to on Facebook, not out of disrespect for trans men.) And I message them and I’m like “hey guess what I’m trans too! I go by Emmet online and I’m nonbinary! If you ever wanna talk about Trans Stuff and need someone to do so with I’m here for you!” ....but they still don’t respond.

I mean, I can kind of see where they’re coming from. They were part of my friend group in middle/high school that was led by my abuser, and once me and my abuser broke up, she told a bunch of lies about me to my former friend group so that they wouldn’t talk to me anymore. So maybe they still believe what my abuser told them? But even then... we’re different people than we were back then. I don’t see why they wouldn’t give me the chance to prove myself, yknow? We were BEST FRIENDS from 5th grade to about the end of 8th grade. Do they really not care at all about me anymore...? That just... hurts. I still love them. I still miss them. I miss our sleepovers and watching fuckin VeggieTales and Lion King with them and all the other fun stuff we used to do.

And maybe part of it is because they’ve grown up and I haven’t. I’m still largely the same as I want when I was younger. I’ve got a lot of the same interests as I used to. And they probably don’t. Like they went away to college instead of staying put like I did. They grew up. They changed. They’re an adult. And I’m just... not. I may physically be 22, but mentally? I feel like I’ve been stuck in the mentality of about a 12 yr old for the past 10 years. Maybe they looked through my profile and found stuff that hinted to that. Or maybe they saw some of my political posts or something. I dunno. There’s infinite reasons they could be ignoring me. I can’t answer that question.

I just... I dunno. I miss them. I was thinking about another old friend tonight (who also coincidentally became trans after our friendship ended), Jax, and I was like “maybe I should reach out to him” and then I was like... for one, if he had wanted to contact me, he would’ve done so over the years. I’m on Facebook, he had my number at one point, he knew my old Insta, hell he knew my address, and he never reached out. And for two... Michael didn’t want to talk to me, and the friendships ended at about the same time, so why would Jax want to talk to me? And then that got me thinking about Michael, and it just led me to be even more sad.

I mean, I guess I’m better off. They don’t want to talk to me, so I shouldn’t be mourning something that’s no longer there. Our friendships ended almost 10 years ago. In like 2012. Our freshman year of high school. We’re out of high school, we’re grown up (well, they are), and there hasn’t been anything there in a long time. So why am I so sad...? They don’t care about me. And that’s fine. They don’t have to. But it still makes me sad, after all these years. I need to grow up and forget them, but I just can’t.

[touristguidebuzz]

Where are we headed in 2017?

This is our annual post, where we focus on where we are heading for the coming year in business, life, and travel.

I’m not one for setting goals. They often lead to disappointment. James Altucher has written about this here and in his book and does a much better job of explaining why I don’t set goals. He doesn’t agree with goal setting either (love him!!)

Now be warned – I am a highly motivated person. I don’t need a S.M.A.R.T. goal to whip me into action.

I know the big picture of what I want to achieve and I take daily action steps towards that. More importantly, I work on my mindset and spiritual mojo to make the creation of it more effortless and I always leave the doors open to change and something better.

I don’t pressure them into happening by my determined date and a set amount. I let it happen at the right time BUT, and this is so important, I do take constant action. If you need SMART goals to help you stay focused and take action then do them!

I often write on a list of things to be done for each day, just so I don’t forget anything that is due or important. I don’t often stick to them because something may come up that draws my attention. I tune into how I’m feeling and if my gut says keep going with this and I do.

98% of the time this leads me to new discoveries, directions, and insights that have dramatically helped my life. If I was so rigid to the list and goals, I would have missed it.

That’s why I follow this process now rather than setting goals as it has proven over and over again to benefit me more.

I still plan things out and am working towards something, but the process I use gets me in the framework of working on getting it done, rather than being something I’m working on doing.

James suggests operating around themes instead of goals. I call them focus words or intentions, but it’s the same thing. I share more of that at the bottom of this post.

If you know what’s important to you, what you want to create and why then you don’t need goals, you’ll get it done each day with small steps.

When I reflect back on my life all the amazing achievements that happened have been total surprises.

Don’t mistake that for luck. I’ve had a very significant role in creating the surprises, but I’ve also let go and allowed the right opportunities to come at the right time.

I enjoy life so much more when I let it flow and let go of SMART goals. When I attempt to embrace them I never enjoy the process, I don’t get results that thrill me and they make me feel dissatisfied and disappointment.

It’s all about the feelings y’all. It’s the year for unplugging from what doesn’t serve you!

For you it may be different – you gotta stay in tune with what floats your boat. This is just a new approach for you to mull over.

Travel for 2017

This is going to be the year of America Unplugged. We’ve been planning this for 18 months now and have had so many delays.

But as I said before, I’m flowing with it. If I was so rigid to those goals and time frames I’d be so disappointed and bitter by now with how this has turned out.

I trust that it has not yet been the right time and things are still moving into place. The delays have actually allowed us to get a lot more done behind the scenes so we can handle the growth and change of the new journey without getting stressed while on the road.

We’re going to enjoy this trip.

We’ve submitted another 50 odd pages of extra requested documentation for this business visa – a detailed three-year itinerary. How can you plan three years in advance?

We’ve adhered and created it, which has been good for the direction and story ideas, but of course the disclaimer, “this is subject to change” is also on it!

Here’s what we intend to happen for travel in 2017.

Hawaii

Boom. Three weeks in February. Let’s kick off America Unplugged in style. It’s been a lifelong dream.

Colorado

Colorado is the Flavour of 2017 for us. We are madly in love with the state so have planned multiple trips for this year.

Skiing in March

Summer fun in July and August

Christmas – a log cabin in the Rocky Mountains has been our White Christmas dream for many many years. Let’s make it happen.

If you have any tips on things to do in Colorado please add it to this post. It’s where we are collecting them.

North Carolina

We cannot go back to the US for an entire year and not visit our home state.

If you’re only new to our blog, North Carolina is not our original home state – we are Australian, but we lived in Raleigh for four years and are madly deeply and truly in love with North Carolina.

Gotta get back there in time for March Madness to see our Tar Heel Boys bring it home and jump over fires in Franklin street like we did in 05 and 09. Yep, we’ve got the winning mojo for them. We plan on exploring NC (and hanging with friends) for April and May.

If you have any tips on things to do in North Carolina, please add them to this post.

Texas

Craig has scheduled in Texas for May and June. Not sure what’s happening in these months, but it’s a good time to visit and brings us closer to the mountain states and California for the rest of the year.

BlogHer Conference in Florida

I’ve already brought my ticket to the BlogHer conference in Orlando.

I enjoyed it so much last year and got so much value from it that I’m pretty sure I’ll fly in for it no matter where we are. It will be a much shorter flight than flying from Australia for it.

This could be an opportunity to sneak the girls for a surprise visit to Harry Potter world. Kalyra will kill us for waiting even this long to take her. We’ll see if it will be a solo mission for me or the whole fam can fit it in.

New Mexico

We’ll be heading to New Mexico. We’ve spent time in Santa Fe before. We want to revisit this time and also explore this state more in-depth. We’ll be calling for your tips soon.

Utah

Utah partly inspired our American Unplugged road trip idea. We think it’s one of the best states in the US for travel.

It’s so beautiful, yet we’d rarely hear of travelers going there, choosing instead to visit the most well-known places in the USA and so missing unplugged secrets like southern Utah!

We’re very excited to return and explore more.

Nevada

Our friend, Spencer Spellman has completely sold us on Reno – forget Las Vegas!

I’m watching his Insta stories every day and getting inspired to hike, ski, SUP, rock climb, drink great coffee, and smoothies, and of course share a few of his cocktails with him in all those bars he keeps showing.

We’re planning on a Nevada visit for the month of September.

California

Let’s close out the 2017 year with an in-depth exploration of California through the months of Sept – Dec.

High on the bucket list is to attend the Ontrapalooza conference in Santa Barbara. It’s a conference hosted by Ontraport, which is my email management software system.

I recently attended an Ontraport Bootcamp and found it to be one of the most beneficial and practical workshops. I have a powerful tool at my fingertips and I’m super excited to use it and learn more about business building at the conference. I am now a super fan of Ontraport.

Plus, Kalyra was named after a winery in Santa Barbara so we’re keen to return.

If you have any tips on things to do in California, please add them to this post.

Business & Blog Growth

Email community

Email is the most favourite part of my blog and business!

It’s where I have the most intimate conversations with our VIP travel tribe. You can join us by clicking here I love them. I share with them messages of inspiration, love, and hope each week and they reply to me with open hearts sharing their stories, their struggles, and their dreams.

A few weeks ago, I asked them to share with me what was interesting about them; I had the most wonderful evening reading their replies and learning more about them.

This year, I am focusing on growing my email community even more. Not just growing it, but ensuring I am sending the right messages to the right people.

As mentioned, Ontraport is about to help my email community and communication improve immensely.

New Website

Yep. Another new redesign of our website. We hate the current one. The branding is all wrong and the navigation horrible. You can’t find any of our best content.

We’ve been working with an amazing design team this year.

Amanda from Kaleidoscope Design Studio has completely nailed the new look and branding, and Chris from RTWLabs our web maintenance and developer guru who is doing all the coding and making the design come to life from functional code perspective.

We hope to have this launched by the end of January.

We’ve also created a bunch of super useful resource pages to help you find the content you need to travel more and create better memories.

I’m creating new free email series and freebies to match the new site and messaging which is all about unplugging to reconnect to those things that really matter – travel being one fantastic way to help you do that.

Video and Instagram stories

We started creating travel videos last year, we’re continuing that this year.

We’re looking at investing in new camera equipment (this Sony Mirrorless is on our wish list) and will be doing all we can to learn how to be better videographers. We really love our videos.

We’re also loving Instagram stories. Our community is growing over there and they are loving the raw behind the scenes sneak peek at our life – not always travel related.

Craig and I both now have personal Instagram accounts that we are having a lot of fun with. You can catch us at Carolinemakepeace and craigmakepeace.

Expanding our team

Last year we shrunk our team. The cost of living in Australia is ridiculous, plus we’re saving for our big US trip and had a lot of other priorities to funnel our money towards.

We’re coming back out of that hole and have much better financial structures in place. We can’t manage all we do on the blog with full-time travel so we’re looking to expand.

I’m not quite ready yet, as there is still a bit of fear and uncertainty to work through, but it’s an intention I’m working on for this year.

Traditional media

We’re very focused on getting into traction in media once we start our America Unplugged journey.

We think our story is pretty cool to share, we want local communities to jump out and share their unplugged secrets with us, so we can share them with you, and we’d love to share what’s so wonderful about Australia as well while we’re in the States!

We’ll be working hard behind the scenes to make it happen. My Aunt suggested over Christmas that we aim to get on the Ellen show. I must say I like that idea!

Focus words/intentions

So instead of goals, I tend to have focus words or intentions. They align more with how I want to feel, rather than what I want to achieve.

Instead of focusing on X amount of email subscribers in a goal format, I’m focusing on growing my email list, but with the underlying intention and focus being creating something that feels joyful and loving.

Putting quality above quantity. The number doesn’t matter as long as the purpose and feeling is strong.

Everything we create in life is a result of how we feel. So if you focus on that, then life will bring you experiences and moments that align with those feelings.

Goals won’t matter to you at all then because you’ll be living a life that feels good.

It keeps you open to surprises and miracles and keeps you connected to awe, gratitude, and wonder which only helps you to create more amazing things to feel great about! Yay – these cycles are no longer vicious.

Mine are simply the same each day and year:

Freedom

Abundance

Vitality

Joy

Love

Growth

Security

I consider what each of these looks like for the various aspects of my life and then take daily action steps to make them happen.

For example, my daily morning routine has evolved from this.

I go for an early morning walk/run (vitality)

I watch the sunrise and meditate (joy/love/freedom)

I have my morning tonic tea (vitality)

I read empowering books (growth)

I cuddle my girls when they wake (love/joy)

and then work on my business and different parts of my life I want to grow (growth/security/love/freedom/abundance).

Step by step. I don’t feel pressured to do any of these by a looming deadline or goal. I do it because of how it makes me feel. My results don’t matter so much because the moments of my life feel free, joyful, secure, loving, abundant, healthy and purposeful.

I don’t feel pressured to do any of these by a looming deadline or goal. I do it because of how it makes me feel. My results don’t matter so much because the moments of my life feel free, joyful, secure, loving, abundant, healthy and purposeful.

I do it because of how it makes me feel. My results don’t matter so much because the moments of my life feel free, joyful, secure, loving, abundant, healthy and purposeful.

I would never get up early and go for a sunrise run because my goal was to lose 5kgs and get fit. But, I effortlessly get up at 5:15am to do it because it helps me feel all those things above.

Sometimes I walk, sometimes I run, sometimes I do yoga. It depends on what I feel like, (freedom allows me to choose what that is each day).

I’ll be moving every day in some form because vitality is important to me. I don’t even consider the end result of losing weight and getting fit, it’s a by-product.

It’s amazing how much my life has evolved by focusing on these things instead of goals. These feelings grow for me each day, which is how I evaluate if my life is successful and in balance.

Try it.

But don’t expect overnight results, please. It takes time to change – step by step, day by day.

I had a subscriber email me today to tell me how she completely transformed herself and her life in just nine months by choosing to do one thing different each day – simple things like shopping at a new supermarket or trying a new dish.

She said she can’t even remember who the old person was. That’s how you subtly and slowly change your life. Small steps fueled by a feeling that you value the most.

That’s how you subtly and slowly change your life. Small steps fueled by a feeling that you value the most.

Small steps fueled by a feeling that you value the most.

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Where are you headed this year in travel and life?

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[touristguidebuzz]

Where are we headed in 2017?

This is our annual post, where we focus on where we are heading for the coming year in business, life, and travel.

I’m not one for setting goals. They often lead to disappointment. James Altucher has written about this here and in his book and does a much better job of explaining why I don’t set goals. He doesn’t agree with goal setting either (love him!!)

Now be warned – I am a highly motivated person. I don’t need a S.M.A.R.T. goal to whip me into action.

I know the big picture of what I want to achieve and I take daily action steps towards that. More importantly, I work on my mindset and spiritual mojo to make the creation of it more effortless and I always leave the doors open to change and something better.

I don’t pressure them into happening by my determined date and a set amount. I let it happen at the right time BUT, and this is so important, I do take constant action. If you need SMART goals to help you stay focused and take action then do them!

I often write on a list of things to be done for each day, just so I don’t forget anything that is due or important. I don’t often stick to them because something may come up that draws my attention. I tune into how I’m feeling and if my gut says keep going with this and I do.

98% of the time this leads me to new discoveries, directions, and insights that have dramatically helped my life. If I was so rigid to the list and goals, I would have missed it.

That’s why I follow this process now rather than setting goals as it has proven over and over again to benefit me more.

I still plan things out and am working towards something, but the process I use gets me in the framework of working on getting it done, rather than being something I’m working on doing.

James suggests operating around themes instead of goals. I call them focus words or intentions, but it’s the same thing. I share more of that at the bottom of this post.

If you know what’s important to you, what you want to create and why then you don’t need goals, you’ll get it done each day with small steps.

When I reflect back on my life all the amazing achievements that happened have been total surprises.

Don’t mistake that for luck. I’ve had a very significant role in creating the surprises, but I’ve also let go and allowed the right opportunities to come at the right time.

I enjoy life so much more when I let it flow and let go of SMART goals. When I attempt to embrace them I never enjoy the process, I don’t get results that thrill me and they make me feel dissatisfied and disappointment.

It’s all about the feelings y’all. It’s the year for unplugging from what doesn’t serve you!

For you it may be different – you gotta stay in tune with what floats your boat. This is just a new approach for you to mull over.

Travel for 2017

This is going to be the year of America Unplugged. We’ve been planning this for 18 months now and have had so many delays.

But as I said before, I’m flowing with it. If I was so rigid to those goals and time frames I’d be so disappointed and bitter by now with how this has turned out.

I trust that it has not yet been the right time and things are still moving into place. The delays have actually allowed us to get a lot more done behind the scenes so we can handle the growth and change of the new journey without getting stressed while on the road.

We’re going to enjoy this trip.

We’ve submitted another 50 odd pages of extra requested documentation for this business visa – a detailed three-year itinerary. How can you plan three years in advance?

We’ve adhered and created it, which has been good for the direction and story ideas, but of course the disclaimer, “this is subject to change” is also on it!

Here’s what we intend to happen for travel in 2017.

Hawaii

Boom. Three weeks in February. Let’s kick off America Unplugged in style. It’s been a lifelong dream.

Colorado

Colorado is the Flavour of 2017 for us. We are madly in love with the state so have planned multiple trips for this year.

Skiing in March

Summer fun in July and August

Christmas – a log cabin in the Rocky Mountains has been our White Christmas dream for many many years. Let’s make it happen.

If you have any tips on things to do in Colorado please add it to this post. It’s where we are collecting them.

North Carolina

We cannot go back to the US for an entire year and not visit our home state.

If you’re only new to our blog, North Carolina is not our original home state – we are Australian, but we lived in Raleigh for four years and are madly deeply and truly in love with North Carolina.

Gotta get back there in time for March Madness to see our Tar Heel Boys bring it home and jump over fires in Franklin street like we did in 05 and 09. Yep, we’ve got the winning mojo for them. We plan on exploring NC (and hanging with friends) for April and May.

If you have any tips on things to do in North Carolina, please add them to this post.

Texas

Craig has scheduled in Texas for May and June. Not sure what’s happening in these months, but it’s a good time to visit and brings us closer to the mountain states and California for the rest of the year.

BlogHer Conference in Florida

I’ve already brought my ticket to the BlogHer conference in Orlando.

I enjoyed it so much last year and got so much value from it that I’m pretty sure I’ll fly in for it no matter where we are. It will be a much shorter flight than flying from Australia for it.

This could be an opportunity to sneak the girls for a surprise visit to Harry Potter world. Kalyra will kill us for waiting even this long to take her. We’ll see if it will be a solo mission for me or the whole fam can fit it in.

New Mexico

We’ll be heading to New Mexico. We’ve spent time in Santa Fe before. We want to revisit this time and also explore this state more in-depth. We’ll be calling for your tips soon.

Utah

Utah partly inspired our American Unplugged road trip idea. We think it’s one of the best states in the US for travel.

It’s so beautiful, yet we’d rarely hear of travelers going there, choosing instead to visit the most well-known places in the USA and so missing unplugged secrets like southern Utah!

We’re very excited to return and explore more.

Nevada

Our friend, Spencer Spellman has completely sold us on Reno – forget Las Vegas!

I’m watching his Insta stories every day and getting inspired to hike, ski, SUP, rock climb, drink great coffee, and smoothies, and of course share a few of his cocktails with him in all those bars he keeps showing.

We’re planning on a Nevada visit for the month of September.

California

Let’s close out the 2017 year with an in-depth exploration of California through the months of Sept – Dec.

High on the bucket list is to attend the Ontrapalooza conference in Santa Barbara. It’s a conference hosted by Ontraport, which is my email management software system.

I recently attended an Ontraport Bootcamp and found it to be one of the most beneficial and practical workshops. I have a powerful tool at my fingertips and I’m super excited to use it and learn more about business building at the conference. I am now a super fan of Ontraport.

Plus, Kalyra was named after a winery in Santa Barbara so we’re keen to return.

If you have any tips on things to do in California, please add them to this post.

Business & Blog Growth

Email community

Email is the most favourite part of my blog and business!

It’s where I have the most intimate conversations with our VIP travel tribe. You can join us by clicking here I love them. I share with them messages of inspiration, love, and hope each week and they reply to me with open hearts sharing their stories, their struggles, and their dreams.

A few weeks ago, I asked them to share with me what was interesting about them; I had the most wonderful evening reading their replies and learning more about them.

This year, I am focusing on growing my email community even more. Not just growing it, but ensuring I am sending the right messages to the right people.

As mentioned, Ontraport is about to help my email community and communication improve immensely.

New Website

Yep. Another new redesign of our website. We hate the current one. The branding is all wrong and the navigation horrible. You can’t find any of our best content.

We’ve been working with an amazing design team this year.

Amanda from Kaleidoscope Design Studio has completely nailed the new look and branding, and Chris from RTWLabs our web maintenance and developer guru who is doing all the coding and making the design come to life from functional code perspective.

We hope to have this launched by the end of January.

We’ve also created a bunch of super useful resource pages to help you find the content you need to travel more and create better memories.

I’m creating new free email series and freebies to match the new site and messaging which is all about unplugging to reconnect to those things that really matter – travel being one fantastic way to help you do that.

Video and Instagram stories

We started creating travel videos last year, we’re continuing that this year.

We’re looking at investing in new camera equipment (this Sony Mirrorless is on our wish list) and will be doing all we can to learn how to be better videographers. We really love our videos.

We’re also loving Instagram stories. Our community is growing over there and they are loving the raw behind the scenes sneak peek at our life – not always travel related.

Craig and I both now have personal Instagram accounts that we are having a lot of fun with. You can catch us at Carolinemakepeace and craigmakepeace.

Expanding our team

Last year we shrunk our team. The cost of living in Australia is ridiculous, plus we’re saving for our big US trip and had a lot of other priorities to funnel our money towards.

We’re coming back out of that hole and have much better financial structures in place. We can’t manage all we do on the blog with full-time travel so we’re looking to expand.

I’m not quite ready yet, as there is still a bit of fear and uncertainty to work through, but it’s an intention I’m working on for this year.

Traditional media

We’re very focused on getting into traction in media once we start our America Unplugged journey.

We think our story is pretty cool to share, we want local communities to jump out and share their unplugged secrets with us, so we can share them with you, and we’d love to share what’s so wonderful about Australia as well while we’re in the States!

We’ll be working hard behind the scenes to make it happen. My Aunt suggested over Christmas that we aim to get on the Ellen show. I must say I like that idea!

Focus words/intentions

So instead of goals, I tend to have focus words or intentions. They align more with how I want to feel, rather than what I want to achieve.

Instead of focusing on X amount of email subscribers in a goal format, I’m focusing on growing my email list, but with the underlying intention and focus being creating something that feels joyful and loving.

Putting quality above quantity. The number doesn’t matter as long as the purpose and feeling is strong.

Everything we create in life is a result of how we feel. So if you focus on that, then life will bring you experiences and moments that align with those feelings.

Goals won’t matter to you at all then because you’ll be living a life that feels good.

It keeps you open to surprises and miracles and keeps you connected to awe, gratitude, and wonder which only helps you to create more amazing things to feel great about! Yay – these cycles are no longer vicious.

Mine are simply the same each day and year:

Freedom

Abundance

Vitality

Joy

Love

Growth

Security

I consider what each of these looks like for the various aspects of my life and then take daily action steps to make them happen.

For example, my daily morning routine has evolved from this.

I go for an early morning walk/run (vitality)

I watch the sunrise and meditate (joy/love/freedom)

I have my morning tonic tea (vitality)

I read empowering books (growth)

I cuddle my girls when they wake (love/joy)

and then work on my business and different parts of my life I want to grow (growth/security/love/freedom/abundance).

Step by step. I don’t feel pressured to do any of these by a looming deadline or goal. I do it because of how it makes me feel. My results don’t matter so much because the moments of my life feel free, joyful, secure, loving, abundant, healthy and purposeful.

I don’t feel pressured to do any of these by a looming deadline or goal. I do it because of how it makes me feel. My results don’t matter so much because the moments of my life feel free, joyful, secure, loving, abundant, healthy and purposeful.

I do it because of how it makes me feel. My results don’t matter so much because the moments of my life feel free, joyful, secure, loving, abundant, healthy and purposeful.

I would never get up early and go for a sunrise run because my goal was to lose 5kgs and get fit. But, I effortlessly get up at 5:15am to do it because it helps me feel all those things above.

Sometimes I walk, sometimes I run, sometimes I do yoga. It depends on what I feel like, (freedom allows me to choose what that is each day).

I’ll be moving every day in some form because vitality is important to me. I don’t even consider the end result of losing weight and getting fit, it’s a by-product.

It’s amazing how much my life has evolved by focusing on these things instead of goals. These feelings grow for me each day, which is how I evaluate if my life is successful and in balance.

Try it.

But don’t expect overnight results, please. It takes time to change – step by step, day by day.

I had a subscriber email me today to tell me how she completely transformed herself and her life in just nine months by choosing to do one thing different each day – simple things like shopping at a new supermarket or trying a new dish.

She said she can’t even remember who the old person was. That’s how you subtly and slowly change your life. Small steps fueled by a feeling that you value the most.

That’s how you subtly and slowly change your life. Small steps fueled by a feeling that you value the most.

Small steps fueled by a feeling that you value the most.

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Where are you headed this year in travel and life?

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