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emthetimelady · 7 years ago

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Small disaster

Titel: Small disaster Warning: Kids... Bad english, probably bad grammar xD Summary: Patton, Roman and Virgil is trying to take care of a small Logan. Logan as a child was truly something. A/N: It is 1000 words and edited at 20.00. I’m done and hate the ending... Well I hope at least someone like this... @emo-space-trash maybe @softbludemon wanna read too...? Feel free to tell me wtf you think about it...

Patton knew kids were hard to handle. He thought he would never get any real child since he was a part of another person but apparently, he was wrong. For some reason he woke up to crying, from a small child. He quickly found Logan on his normal sized bed under his black cover and his head of the two normal pillows. Patton could only giggle as he walked over to the young child. “Lo?” “MO!” The voice was light and Patton didn't know how to react. “Mo!” Oh god oh god oh god. Patton picked him up and- “Oh god…” Apparently his outfit didn't sink with him. His shirt was now a long dress for Logan. He looked cute with his purple hair and too long -nearly dress shirt. “We are gonna get Virgil make you new shirts and trousers for you… Come on” he held Logan close and walked to Virgil’s room. Virgil hated to be woken up at 7 in the morning. He was ready to scream to get more sleep when he saw Logan. “Sweet jesus…” He mumbled under his yawn. “Virg, Lo is a kid and he needs clothes…” Logan giggled and held out his arms. “Fine… Give me a shirt, I can make something…” Patton thanked him and took Logan’s shirt of and wrapped Logan in his own cardigan. “We are going to get Lo something to eat, please hurry…” Virgil nodded, already up to fix Logan some clothes. “What do you want to eat?” “PASTA!” “Pasta? In the morning?” Logan nodded and Patton sighed. “Maybe yoghurt?” “NUHU!” the young boy pouted and looked away. “Let’s get yoghurt…” Ten minutes later and the kitchen was a mess. Logan really didn’t want to be good and threw his yoghurt everywhere. So now Logan was a mess, Patton was a mess, the kitchen was a mess. The worst part? Logan was gone. Roman had just fixed his hair when he saw Logan. Covered in yoghurt. “What the - SHIT!” “P’INCEY!” “Don’t touch me -” Logan’s lip started to shiver and Roman had to sit down so he was in Logan’s eye level. “P’incey don’t like me?” “I do just got scared… Should we go to Patton? You have his cardigan…” Logan nodded and held out his arms. “Euhm. No you are walking alone.” Patton let out a sigh of relief when he saw Logan. He had cleaned up himself and the kitchen. “There you are” Patton said and picked Logan up. Roman made a disgusted sound in the background. “Let’s wash you off dirty ape” he chuckled and took him into the bathroom. Washing Logan off was easy. Logan sat quiet in the bath and let Patton pour water over him and ruffle his hair to get the soap out. Logan didn’t make a sound as he played with whatever he could get his small hands on. Half an hour later and Logan was clean and dry. Logan sat on his bed meanwhile Patton tried to find something to wear when Virgil rushed in. He held a black body suit, it looked small but still as small as Logan was. It was in the same black material as his normal shirt. It had holes for the legs, arms and for his head. The hole for the head had somehow been stitched with a black leftover piece because it was clearly smaller and more fitting for a child. It had white stitches where the holes was and under between the holes for the legs. “Wow Virg that looks amazing…” “I hope so… Let’s try it on Logan…” Patton nodded and picked Logan up from the bed. “Hey Lo, Look what Virg made for you” Patton spoke so softly, so reassuring, he always used it to Virgil when he had a bad day. “NO!” Logan jumped down and ran out, with no clothes on. “Godamnit” Patton breathed out before the two adults were chasing a 3-year-old. One minute, 5 minutes, 10, 20, 30 minutes before Logan was in Virgil’s arms. Patton put it on and surprisingly, it fit. “Where is all the sound about?” Roman asked as he went down. “Virg made Lo some clothes but Logan didn’t want to wear it…” Patton said pointing at Logan and Virgil. “I thought that was a dream” Roman mumbled as he stopped next to Patton. “We need to calm him down, he has a lot of energy that kid” Virgil said. “Why not try to get Logan to draw? You like shapes and colours right Lo?” “Shapes!” Roman chuckled and took Logan in his own arms. “Yes shapes!” They both walked into the living room to get some stuff to colour. Logan was really good at drawing shapes and colours. The drawings where all over the room and Roman was NOT happy about it. “Okay play time over... “ Roman the kid up. “Let’s get you some food…” “Good luck!” Patton said, already on cleaning up the living room. Logan was happy with his pasta. Sure he ate with his hands but that was the least Roman could care about right now. Patton and Virgil sat next to him making sure he didn’t fall of the chair he was standing on. Roman would try to teach Logan how to eat normally, at least with a spoon or fork but failed all the time. Logan would throw the fork or spoon down on the floor or in Roman’s food. In the end Roman had given up on making the kid eat normally. Logan was giggly and the others were tired. It wasn’t Logan’s fault he turned into a child, and it wasn’t his fault he was so playful. Logan yawned when his food was gone. “Tired lil guy?” Logan nodded and held his arms out. Patton took him and spun around. “Let’s get you to sleep.” To put Logan to sleep was way easier then him as an adult. From all the running and giggles he fell asleep on the way to Logan’s room. Patton fell asleep fast too only to be waken two hours later by Logan. “Hm?” “You sno’e!” Patton chuckled. “I love you too Lo…” The day continued like that. Logan ran around in his body suit with looked funny. His tiny legs moving fast as he ran around. His small arms holding out every time he wanted carried or wanted something someone else had. At the end of the day everyone was collapsed on the sofa, tired of all the running. Well Logan might have eaten all the cookies while they were sleeping.

#shame corner #Logan Sanders #Patton Sanders #Roman Sanders #Virgil Sanders #the ending is shit #if anyone reads this pls tell me if it's okay or if this is shit like how I think it is...#I mean why am I even writing stuff for the fanders when no one will see this...#Hahahahhahahahahah save me from this thoughts

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ravenhilarious · 4 years ago

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sometimes I fear that Logan is becoming the Hermione of this fandom

elaboration under the cut. this will discuss the Harry Potter fandom, the sanders sides fandom, and some comparisons of my personal issues within them. there are some mentions of violence, abuse, bigotry, and death, and it is very long.

that’s what they said

disclaimer: I love Harry Potter even if jk is a bigot, I love Hermione, I love sanders sides which fortunately is not created by a bigot, I love Logan, so there’s no intended negativity about any of these

now, back to the point. I repeat: I fear that Logan is becoming the Hermione of this fandom

which should be a good thing, because I love Logan and I love Hermione. being “the Hermione” shouldn’t be seen as something negative, but the reason I'm referring to it as that is:

there was a time where Fanon Hermione basically became, for a lack of a better term, a Mary Sue (I know this term can have problematic and misogynistic elements but I couldn’t find a better way to describe it)

lots of it was based on the movie adaption’s version of her. lots of her flaws were either stripped away or justified – she became more fearless and confident, her condescending attitude towards mainly Harry and (especially) Ron was exaggerated, and, again, seemed more justified here. and of course, it didn’t help that she was played by the gorgeous Emma Watson.

then came the fandom portrayal of her. while her movie counterpart was definitely more “perfectilized” (is that a word? now it is) than her book counterpart, she still had elements of being a teenager, and, well, a human. but on the internet, there were so many claims of her being the sole reason that Harry was alive, and that she was way out of Ron’s league, and lots of other stuff. if you’re in any way familiar with the Harry Potter fandom around... well, anywhere before like 2016, really, you probably know what I'm talking about. she was basically this “perfect does everything right keeps saying everyone the best at everything” kind of character. that was kinda annoying, both to people who didn’t care that much for Hermione as a character in the first place, and for the people who enjoyed her (more flawed and realistic) book counterpart

and don’t even get me started on the dr4m10ne shippers who claimed that “she deserves better than Ron (or Harry, or Neville, [heteronormativity was still a big thing back then] or really anyone who treated her with respect) and dr4c0 would be so much better for her!”

and oof, the “Hermione joins the dark side” au’s where her actions were still justified by the narratives (why would a muggleborn join the people that discriminate against her lol)

during the last few years, she’s gotten some backlash because of this. more potter heads started realizing her flaws, or stopped justifying them. the shocking realization that the fan favorite was not perfect made a large part of the fandom go in the opposite direction. which I understand.

now, I am still able to enjoy the (canon) character Hermione Granger, despite the sue-ification she went through (maybe it’s the autism that helps me not to get so affected by public opinion, idk), but not everyone is that lucky. so many potter heads had gotten a very good character ruined for them, which is sad.

I don’t want the same thing to happen to Logan Sanders.

Now, he wasn’t always one of the faves – in an early episode, he literally gets told that he’s the least popular character in the series (which does get played off as a joke, but I assume – I wasn’t in the fandom back then, so please correct me if I'm wrong – that for many fanders back then, that was very much the case) and I wouldn’t say he’s a “fan favorite” the same way that Hermione used to be.

however, he has by now gained quite a large fanbase here on Tumblr. which is great! I, myself, really enjoy Logan, and most of his fans are really cool.

but there are some stans who, in my opinion, have started to give him The Hermione Treatment. who claim that he is the one constantly helping Thomas. who feel the need to bash some of the other sides in order to prove that Logan is the best. the main complaint being that “they ignore/silence him too much”. and yes, they definitely don’t listen to him nearly as much as they could and should. I agree with that.

what I don’t agree with is when fanders start wishing for him to “snap” at the others. I'm putting “snap” in quotation marks, because what they usually mean is just him straight up verbally abusing them, sometimes being physically violent toward them. all because they... didn’t pay enough attention to him?

it gives me the same vibes as when Hermione’s acts of violence (I'm talking about, like, the bird attack toward Ron or the acne scars she forced on Marietta Edgecombe [another thing that got removed in the movie adaption], not the “fighting death eaters” parts) were considered “girl power” or something by the internet.

now, I'm not saying that Logan in canon is super aggressive and violent, but he definitely has his moments – and that’s fine. a character does not have to be nice 24/7. but the fandom seems to, idk, romanticize (for lack of a better word) these moments, his outbursts of anger and violence, both the canon and Fanon ones.

furthermore, there seems to be a double standard, in that lots of the things he’s praised for or that gets ignored about him, are the exact same things that would (or do) get criticized when other sides do it.

Patton gets flack for being controlling and guilt-tripping the others, which, yes, that is true, but Logan can also be controlling (Growing Up, Why Do We Get Out Of Bed In The Morning, arguably in Moving On too) and guilt-tripping (”not that any of you care, but I am unharmed” in Putting Others First)

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that fanders have started seeing the less perfect aspects of morality. Even cinnamon rolls can do not so nice things at times.

Roman is considered to be too proud and condescending, and yeah, he is, he is literally Thomas’ ego. But Logan? “I know I'm smarter than everyone else”? nuff said.

Virgil gets criticized for being too aggressive, and boy is that true, but again, you can not bash one character for a trait that you praise (or even wish more of) in another character.

now, I know that there are fanders who also give Virgil a free pass for violence etc. (he was the ultimate Fan Favorite for a very long time), but they seem to be fewer today than they used to be – which is great! it’s just sad that instead of disappearing completely, this character treatment has now moved towards Logan.

(funnily enough, these certain Logan Stans tend to be less critical of Janus’ and Remus’ flaws too, which I will cover later on)

no, I do not want Logan to be flawless, just like I don’t want Hermione to be. I just wish this double standard wasn’t so common in the fandom.

unlike with Hermione, however, the narrative (and the writers) doesn’t seem to favor him over the others – the sides get a relatively equal treatment in that way. but the biggest problem with Hermione was not the writing, or even the movie adaption (though that definitely played a factor too), but rather the fandom. the fandom was the one who claimed Hermione to be some perfect goddess, talented in every way, too good for this world, etc. And I really don’t want this to happen with Logan!

another parallel I'll bring up is the “going dark” thing, more specifically, “going dark because the light is not good enough for me”. I mentioned dr4m10ne earlier, and Hermione joining the death eaters because Harry and Ron and the rest of the “good guys” weren’t good enough. not smart or talented enough. didn’t appreciate her enough. because Ron would at times make fun of her nerdiness, because they sometimes bickered.

but for some reason, these dr4m10ne shippers and dark!Hermione Stans would gloss over the fact that Dr4c0 made fun of her heritage and that the death eaters literally fought for genocide of people like her (which, imo, is a bit more serious than “haha ur a nerd”)

similarly, it’s become common to head canon Logan “becoming a dark side”. now, I am in no way trying to imply that “the dark sides” are in any way similar to death eaters, or that Janus and Remus are anything like Dr4c0.

but there seems to be, yet again, a double standard. Patton, Roman, and Virgil ignore or silence or under appreciate Logan? oh yes, they definitely do.

but so do Janus and Remus. I see so many au’s of Logan joining the “dark sides” because they are more likely to listen to and appreciate him, which, if we go by canon... is not true? Janus literally excluded Logan from the courtroom, and Remus has repeatedly threatened and physically harmed Logan because he didn’t like what he was saying. but people gloss over that because ?????

I don’t really have a conclusion or anything, I just wanted to get this out

#sanders sides #logan sanders #Hermione Granger #logan Hermione parallels #fandom criticism #raven rants #abuse mention #violence mention #death mention #bigotry mention #genocide mention #anti dramione #tagging it just in case #there is so much I rant about in this post #I should probably make separate posts for some of the points #long post

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ts-unsolved · 5 years ago

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Final Wrap-up for Chapter One

((since chapter one will be coming to a close shortly and there is still an assortment of questions left over, here is a masterpost of responses to queries that couldn’t be addressed during the story!

[reminder: the ask box will be left open, however the characters are not available. please keep in mind that non-plot related questions will not be answered by the characters after this post.]

Anonymous said: ((Just wanted to tell you your drawings are so pretty and I love ur blog. That is all I have no braincells to ask questions))

Anonymous said: OKAY MOD I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I LOVE THIS AU SO MUCH AND ITS SO COOL AND GOOD AND YOUR ART IS TOO!! sorry for caps I’m just excited

Thank you! Sorry I didn’t always get around to answering asks like this, but for every one that was sent in, I appreciated it with all my heart. You guys are angels 💖

Anonymous said: What is one haunted location you guys would really like to visit someday?

Poveglia is definitely the highest on the list for the notoriety alone, although they would likely never get the permission to go (the history in general is almost excessively horrible and tragic, so nothing good would come out of doing an episode there. Maybe it’d be good as a final-chapter type location? 🤔).

@anxious-fander-bean said: Hey Logan, have you ever tried swing dancing? It's really fun and good excersize! There's also a lot of bouncing and upbeat music, so Patton might enjoy it as well! ((I'm doing it. I need the qpp boys to be happy and have fun, bc they deserve it.))

(LOGAN: I’ll...consider it.)

You did it, you got them to go on some good ol’ platonic dates! B)

Anonymous said: I feel bad that I don't have any deep question or something along those lines, but what's your favorite thing to bake, Pat? - 💐

That’s alright! Questions don’t have to be deep to be fun/interesting.

(PATTON: Cupcakes! You can make so many different flavors, and there are tons of fun ways to decorate them!)

@why-should-i-tell-youu2 said: Why cant anyone else see the seal?

You need to have The Sight to be able to see demon sigils. Patton has this ability naturally, and Dee has it because Elliott taught it to him. Otherwise, Virgil and Roman would be the closest in terms of gaining this ability, but a scared/skeptical part of them is holding them back.

Anonymous said: My good dorks, is there a way to, I don’t know, get a better/more effective charm for your office? One that costs more than $10? -🍁

Anonymous said: Hey, Logan, potential naturalistic explanation for ya: depending on what the charm was made of, shifts in ambient room temperature could have caused minuscule expansions and contractions in the material that would eventually crack the charm. Do I believe my own explanation? Absolutely not. Am I grasping at straws for a non-supernatural explanation? Absolutely. And ambient room temperature doesn’t even begin to explain the red symbol around the charm

(LOGAN: Our budgeting is already a mess as it is, the last thing we need is to waste more funds on decorations. And that theory seems much more reasonable than the contrary explanation.)

Anonymous said: Is the demon that Pavreen summoned the same demon that possessed Elliott?

Anonymous said: Welp Virge SUMMONED A DEMON- (Why do I have a feeling Remy was the demon that possessed Elliot-)

Nope, they’re all different demons! The demon that Parveen summoned is notoriously difficult to contact, so a bunch of teenagers wouldn’t have been able to do it. Likewise for Remy; you can only summon him once you have his True Name, and he’s already destroyed most references to that (sorry Patton).

Anonymous said: omg omg omg what part of mythology is remy part of???

He’s not from any particular mythology, but he is partly based off of Alps from German folklore and the general mythology around sleep paralysis!

Anonymous said: Can Patton see supernatural beings like ghosts and demons and stuff? I just think it would be interesting if his scars make him able to see them :3c

Anonymous said: If both Dee and Patton can see the sigil, and Dee can see ghosts, does that mean Pat can see ghosts too? With the whole red glowing thing (forgot what its called) it seems to be connected.

Yes he can see ghosts/demons, and you’re right that the scars (or rather the deal with the demon which gave him his powers and scars) are what lead to him being able to do it. The red is just a general indicator of something supernatural/not of our Realm.

Anonymous said: Wait so if Patton and his family all have that mark could that mean Patton is not completely human 👀 -🌈

I supposed you could say that Patton’s not entirely human because he’s a witch who was born without a soul, but he’d find that pretty offensive tbh.

Anonymous said: Are Elliott and Patton maybe related, even distantly? Also, roman needs to suck it up and have Feelings for the Snake Man

There’s no relation between Elliott and Patton. Elliott is the child of a seer and a psychic, Patton is the son of witches. They’re similar, but different. (Also you’re assuming that Roman hasn’t liked the Snake Man since high school, but considered him off-limits because he’s his brother’s best friend).

Anonymous said: Does Patton know that Dee can see spirits and does Dee know that Patton is protecting them all?

Anonymous said: Dee, pat, do you know that each other can see the sigil?

Anonymous said: is ... is patton a witch and dee a dee-mon and that's why they don't like each other.....?

Anonymous said: Pat what do you think about making deals with demons?

They’re both aware of each other’s secrets! Technically they’re both doing their best to protect everyone, but that doesn’t mean they agree with each other’s methods or bond over the shared responsibility.

Patton is indeed a witch, and Dee is a regular human who happened to summon a demon one time. Patton thinks Dee is the occult equivalent of a satanist, which he disagrees with because dark magic is unnatural/dangerous in his eyes (making deals with demons only leads to trouble!), and would prefer Dee not endanger his friends. Dee doesn’t like Patton because of his perceived moral superiority, and finds the way he can be so secretive and two-faced creepy

Regardless, they’re both sitting in glass houses and have more in common than they think.

Anonymous said: Patton Should Hug Dee *

Maybe. But he won’t. 8′D

Anonymous said: Since Dee has been able to see ghosts for a long time, was he an open believer in ghosts before Elliot died? Since it was mentioned that the reason he lies about his belief is because he knows that they're dangerous, he wouldn't have had a reason to hide it in the past. And if he did are any of the others aware of the belief change? Well, besides Remus. I'm guessing that one is pretty obvious.

He may have been more involved as a believer in the past, though that doesn’t mean he was ever super open about it. He was aware of how it would look like to outsiders (being genuinely skeptical at one point himself), so he wasn’t going to paint a target on his back by talking about ghosts and demons and things most people can’t see.

Of course, that didn’t stop people from stereotyping and making those sorts of assumptions about their friend group anyway, but no one besides them really knew about their secret-- not even Virgil.

Anonymous asked: What would happen if one time, the gang ended up getting something supernatural on camera?

The result of that would depend on the being. Ghosts can kinda appear on camera, although it’s very rare for them to appear as a full bodied apparition, which is why they usually only manifest in spirit orbs or light/shadows. Poltergeists are better since they’re able to interact with objects, but likewise since they can’t manifest into a physical form they can easily be brushed off. Demons and other miscellaneous creatures will straight up not appear if captured directly on film; you’ll simply get video glitches and distortions.

So essentially, they may technically have found something already, but capturing evidence that’s also compelling is a lot more difficult than you’d think. I imagine there’s a good chance that anything legitimate wouldn’t get taken too seriously because of how easy it is to fake evidence nowadays.

Anonymous said: Okay so a little bit of a rant but not really ig but imagine the ladylike and unsolved crossover for this AU like I can see it as like Thomas' friends dressing up Roman and Dee in style and seeing a blushing mess and maybe flirting going on because of how good the clothing complements each other but this is kinda a weak idea lol

It’s not a weak idea at it, it’s really cute! (though I may just have a soft spot for the Ladylike cast and crossovers).

The only thing to note is that I’ve chosen not to include Thomas’ friends in this AU because I personally weird about writing fiction about real people? (I was on the fence about including character!Thomas for a while too, tbh). So, apologies to anyone who’s sent similar asks or wanted to see any of Thomas’ friends; they wont be around!

Anonymous said: Did Dee and Remus ever have that talk Dee said he would try to have a while back????

They might have gotten the opportunity to chat back when Remus came back to help shoot the Room 1046 video. It wouldn’t have been a complete reconciliation by any means (dealing with years of baggage in one sitting is Hard), but now Remus is aware that Dee is open to discuss things again at some point in the future, so progress!

Anonymous said: wait wHAT?! When did he (Emile Picani) die?? Give us the deets oh wise one

Anonymous said: emile is... dead? what happened?

I see y’all, but unfortunately you’re not getting any answers from me just yet! You’ll have to wait until the next chapter~.

Anonymous said: Shit is about to go down and I am worried about the next ghost "adventure"

:) Don’t Worry About It.))

#OOC #((that should be all the big questions!#i'll update this later if anything comes up))

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royallyanxious · 5 years ago

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What makes a good lava cake

Paring: Prinxiety

Summary: Roman wants to make a breakfast for Virgil. It does not go well.

Thank you @quietlypondering for the inspiration :)

Word count: 1470

Triggers: fluff all the way through, a crack fic

Ao3

Let’s get one thing straight - Roman didn’t make a mess in the kitchen. He called it: an artistic chaos in the cooking space. There was nothing wrong with that. The flour all over the place was the sign of his never-dying dedication. The fact that he had to go cry in the bathroom when the cake turned out weirdly heavy and oddly tough, was clearly the final proof that he didn’t lack an artistic flare. After all art required sweat (been there), tears (checked) and blood (one drop that was spilled when he cut the chocolate was enough).

But even the greatest artist, had their mentors.

Roman dialed the number.

“Roman.” Logan never asked. He stated.

“Logan.” replied Roman through his teeth. He would not cry to Logan on the phone.

“The sound of your voice suggests that you have water in your eyes.”

Well, shit.

“I also have a question.” Roman rolled his eyes, “Let’s say you’re preparing a lava cake for the love of your life-”

“Patton prefers lemon tarts but go on…” Logan cut swiftly.

“Lava cake.” repeated Roman, “Are you sure that the lava part is supposed to be liquidy? Or maybe the recipes by ‘lava’ refer to… molten-rock-kind-of-lava?”

There was a beat of silence.

"... I think you know the answer to this question Roman. I'm hanging up right now."

"No! Nononono!" Roman roared desperately, "Please… Help me… " he added meekly, making sure that Logan still didn't end the call.

A long sigh resonated through the phone. Roman was pretty sure that he could feel disappointed vibrations on his own skin.

"Roman, I would love to help you," started Logan, his voice’s a tad softer than earlier, "But you know what mum always told you. You are not a good fit for a cook. Why won't you write a poem where you shall compare Virgil to a cupcake, instead of actually making a cupcake?"

"But where would be romance in this?" Cried Roman helplessly, trying to break his second cake with the first cake.

"Virgil, loves you as much as you love him, brother. He would be thrilled to get anything from you, believe me." Logan said cooly, "Now stop this madness, clean up the mess and let me sleep. It's 6 in the morning." he finished.

Beep...

"Wait, what- Logan?" Roman asked, staring intensely at the phone, "Logan wait, I don't even know how to make a perfect- ugh."

The sound that slipped through Roman's parted lips, reminded more of a war cry than a frustrated growl. Luckily his neighbours knew about his love for Game Of Thrones so in a worst case scenario they'd think he decided to make a morning marathon.

Roman brushed Virgil's purple apron off the white flour that was currently covering it. Or was that sugar? Roman wasn't sure. Perhaps that was why the cakes turned out strange after all.

It was time to face the music.

Cake was not a good idea.

Luckily, Roman wasn't the type of person who gave up easily. He pulled off the apron and carefully put the "cakes" into the trash can (he was afraid that if he dropped them, he would break tiles). The key was to prepare food - no one said it had to be a cake. Besides, lava cakes were overrated. Virgil didn’t even have instagram to post a picture of a perfect chocolate goo. Yes, apparently the universe wanted Roman to prepare something easier, something more mundane, something like… What did Logan say?

It was 6 am, wasn’t it?

“Breakfast it is then!” smiled Roman to himself, completely oblivious to the sparks of madness that there brightening up his eyes.

According to the article on wikipedia, it was impossible to mess up a breakfast (Roman would call it “mispreparing”, not “messing up”). Sure, for the past 2 years it was Virgil who was in charge of cooking, ever since he caught Roman trying to fry an egg in a toaster, but it was in the past and Roman learnt a lot since then.

For example - he knew that he certainly needed a pan.

“Now is it a saucepan or frying pan…” he hummed happily, going through the content of the cupboards. “Is there even a difference…? It’s probably some american english and-or british english bullshit again,” Roman pondered, being completely wrong.

Finally he pulled out something that looked almost flat. He was pretty sure that the love of his life was usually using this silver shield to make his scrambled eggs.

“Fantastic.” Roman praised himself, nodding to the pan. “The recipe suggests using one egg and butter. I assume that they don’t mean one whole butter…Hmm... ‘If you want to you can add a tomato but remember to’... Well, that seems a little bit over the top even for me.”

Carefully, not to burn himself, Roman put a spoon of butter on the pan. He stared at it for a moment, wondering vaguely why it hasn’t started melting yet. Then he turned on the burner. Pleased with the result (butter started melting!), he also turned on the oven just in case. He glanced at the clock. It was almost 7am.

“Great masterpieces take time.” he said out loud, hoping that the microwave agree. It didn’t but that was probably only because microwaves don’t talk. “It’s time for gran finale!”

Roman gently put the egg on his hand.

“You better not mess it up, mistress.” he mumbled to the egg, slowly raising the knife. He didn’t want his victim to see it coming.

“I promise to make it quick.” he promised under his breath, before swiftly hitting the eggshell with a knife. It felt empowering, he could now understand why Virgil liked cooking so much. “And now… onto the pan…”

One could think that there was no way someone would make a mistake at this point. But people are fools after all and some of them clearly haven’t heard of Roman.

Step 1: Crack an egg.

Step 2: Try to put it onto the pan.

Step 3: Fail and miss the pan.

Step 4: Watch an egg hit the counter and then watch it slide on the floor.

Step 5: Remain in this position, asking why the world hates you.

If a look could cook, this egg would be fried to the bones with the way Roman stared at it. And if there was one thing he was proud of, it was the fact that there were no eggshells in this particular egg that was chilling on the floor. It however did mix with the flour that was there before.

Someone snickered and Roman turned around, almost losing his balance.

Sure enough, his boyfriend, Virgil - in his full morning glory, was standing in the door of the kitchen. He was also desperately trying to stop himself from laughing. His feet were bare and covered with white dust. He must have been standing there for a while now.

“H-hi, Virgil my dearest,” Roman stuttered, trying to ignore the crackling sound behind him. “I thought you are still asleep…”

“I woke up when I heard the fire alarm. It’s pretty loud,” explained Virgil, sporting the you-are-a-dumbass smile.

“Ah, haha. Well, it is pretty loud, isn’t it?” Roman scratched the back of his head, shooting the but-I-am-your-dumbass smile.

Virgil inhaled deeply, trying hard not to wrinkle his nose, “So… are you going to turn off that burner, Ro? Because I’d prefer not to eat the burnt butter from this wok?”

“Wo-who?” repeated Roman, his eyes widening.

“A wok. Also known as a wok pan.” explained Virgil, leaning against the counter to grab some towels, “A pan suited for Asian cuisine,” he added smirking.

“...”

“Go ahead, you can ask, Roman” beamed Virgil. He looked incredibly pleased with himself.

Roman sighed. God damn Virgil and his angelic-verging-on-mischievous smile.

“You don’t make scrambled eggs on a wok pan, do you?” he asked, knowing already what the answer was.

“Nope,” Virgil grinned and quickly pecked Roman’s lips, “But I do appreciate you trying, Ro. Although… maybe next time try to write a poem about breakfast instead of making one, what do you think?”

“But where would be romance in that?” groaned Roman softly, fixing his eyes on Virgil’s feet. He had a strange feeling of deja vu.

Lean, slim fingers gripped on Roman’s chin, forcing him to look up.

Roman always thought that Virgil had the most beautiful eyes on earth.

“What do you mean by ‘where’s the romance’?” Virgil tilted his head cutely, “‘Roman’ is right in front of me and the ‘ce’ part is simply overrated.” he smiled, making it impossible for Roman not to lean closer and close the gap between their lips.

“Happy anniversary, Virgil.” he mumbled into a kiss, feeling the curl of Virgil’s lips against his own.

“Happy anniv, Ro.”

The end.

General taglist:

@depressed-alone @changeling-ash @dear-lover-dearest @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @calmingthoughtsinyourhead @zo-geeky @fandomfreak-19 @thegnatnat @inha-led @tree4life25 @panic-at-theeverywhere @reallyanextrovertipromise @shit-happens-bitchachos@pastel-patton123 @pinkeasteregg @greymane902 @princeyssash @ilovemyspoopydad @musicphanpie-b @all-these-trees-stealing-mah-o2 @birosezz @winged-outlaw @anxious-fander-talian-bean @lizaelsparrow @moonstonefox12 @pastelnerd101 somecrappyclonemysticalstrawberryface @ninjago2020 donteatmyassghostie toriwithacamera moxiety–sanders101 confinesofpersonalknowledge xxladystarlightxx wheeitsvee a-very-optimistic-realist narniasfinestavengingsociopath thequeensqueer allycat31415 rileys-main-blog-spotroman-is-a-dramatic-prince virgil-my-diamond justanotherproblem faacethefacts beautifully-terribly logical-but-anxious queen-of-all-things-snuggly seabellart @generalfandomfabulousness lostin—translation knine-nights @poisonedapples @talhaddelpla @punk-and-flowers @quietlypondering @milomeepit 0joodles0 grape-soda-city-kid sanders-sides-stuff lonelysoul43 imtooaromaticforthis @xxxbladeangelxxx

#prinxiety #virgil sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #fluff #crack and fluff

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autumnpleaves · 4 years ago

Note

can you tell me about your friends? -C (you dont have to)

Ooh! Sure, C! No problem! Hmm, since it doesn’t really specify which ‘friends’ you’re talking about, I’m going to talk about IRL and online ones! XD

This is gonna be a long one, but only because I love, appreciate, and care for my friends :)

So let’s start with my...

IRL friends ^-^

I won’t be using their ‘real names’ so... meh.

First up we have Eggen! :)

She’s such a joy to be around (no this is not sarcastic). She has this weird fluctuating emotions sometimes and it’s scary to deal with (but not as scary as Jessie-). Funny story about how we actually met was that we had this conjoining class in Ext. Maths and she was from another class. I was still a new student then, so I wasn’t really familiar with anyone and my friends from *my* class were in Ext. Maths too, and were friends with Eggen, hence we all had this weird group thingy at one portion of the classroom and we hung out together.

Now see, here, we weren’t really *friends* then. More like acquaintances XD

BUT-

I texted her because I saw in her profile, that she was a *HUFFLEPUFF* (which is different now, because it didn’t fit anymore- She’s a slytherin now :)) and I texted her saying “OH MY GOSH! YOU’RE A HUFFLEPUFF TOO?!!” I was a dork. It was stupid. And she replied “Haha, yeah...” and lemme tell you, I’m surprised why she’s still my friend to this day XD

She’s improved a lot since then, and I am honestly quite frankly really *really* proud of her. She’s grown a lot (literally, coz she’s short and metaphorically, coz she’s so talented and skilled and smart now! [Not that she wasn’t smart before, just saying, definitely you can see progress]) She’s talented in drawing, ballet, has great ideas, really hard working, productive, one of the most inspirational person I know :) I’m glad to call her my friend :D

(Only I get to call her Eggen though 0-0 ANyONe else who dares, will get a smack from me-) ALSO did I mention she likes to torture people by throwing her erasers at them? It’s funnnn memories :’)

Next up we haveeeee Lizze!!

Lizze now this one, I didn’t meet until like... at least a year after Eggen. Honestly. Don’t judge me, our school is biiggggggg. She had long hair then. At first I see her here and there, and it was pretty chill. Nothing too... ya know- friendsy just like oh yeah I recognize you. We were in the same scholarship program! So that was fun! :)

We didn’t officially properly meet until like a year after though, and well let’s just say it was fun. She’s one of the only friends I was able to rope into watching Sanders Sides with me and is also a huge geek nerd XD She’s ALSO REALLY REALLY HECKING TALENTED IN WRITING?! LIke WHAT?! WHo even?!

Yeah, such a great friend. She’s one of the people I go to when in need of any writing advice, or just advice in general! She really gives that second opinion and really takes things into account and I’m really just plain glad to call her my friend. I love her so much and like we would discuss and hang out sometimes on VC late into the night and it’d be funny watching her trying to navigate around her messy room :’) Ahh! Fun times XD

Then we have... NICO!! :)

Nico... was my first ever friend. Literally. In the new school. I’m gonna lay down the scenario XD

I walked into class on orientation day, not aa lot of students were there yet, I was early (for once). Nico was sitting on the left side of a table (we had two student tables) two rows from the back, near the windows. I walked in and was like Hm. Where should I sit? So I Decided that I wasn’t gonna be a wimp and decided to walk and sit next to Nico. He was also surprisingly a new student, so we kinda like related for a bit XD

Flashforward and Nico is one of my close friends? I mean he’s there and he’s fun to hang out with XD (I don’t do labels, sorry XD) We would joke around, play around, and he’s just a great fella all around! It’s just sometimes people might make fun of him and he’d get insecure sometimes, which makes me sad and yeah! Favorite memories with him would always be in Ext. Math. We’ve landed in the same class (coz we switch around every year) like twice and everytime it’d be the same! And well every time in Math I would ‘show off’ my amazing math skills and he’d try to compete with me. It was fun every time. *dreamy sigh*

I miss the competitions really. We’d compete to see who would finish first, who would do what part, and when either of us are confused we would annoy the other to get the answer XD I miss him :’)

Then we get... JILL! :D

Jill was another friend I met in my first year at the school. At first, she used to hang out with this other friend because they were stuck to each other since like primary, but slowly they drifted (which in my opinion might be for the best 😬)

She’s an otaku. A pure bred otaku. I had to deal with her anime fanatic years for like... 3 years and counting now. Why. But she’s wonderful and drawing and would always have this bad habit of drawing on anything and literally whatever surface she finds. The desk, her notebooks, her test papers, her *SKIN*, *MY* skin, her WATER BOTTLE (like what THE HECK- JILL?!) but like, it’s endearing XD

She’s great at complaining and hates hugs. She also hates mangoes- (If you remember what my catchphrase was? Yeah the, “GUESS WHAT? JILL HATES MANGOES” yeah it’s this Jill XD) I’m not joking. She’s great at complaining XD

Funny story is that once we had to do this video project thing and we just had Jill complain about the amount of homework we had to like compare stuff and what not, and she did it. IN ONE BREATH. NO HESITATIONS. NO SCRIPT. ONE TAKE. WE were all DYING after that XDDD Coz she’s literally known as a complainer and she has great logic skills. She also really LOVES money... so... i mean... yeah. She’s really like... conservative with her money but isn’t afraid to use it to spoil others, but not herself XD

Finally but not the last (I got more friends, but I don’t really... connect with them enough?) is BEEP! (no this is not her actual name, I just don’t really call her by her real name much)

The OG friend from first day of school! Nico? YEah Step ASIDE BRO! XDD This gal is my go-to cuddle buddy. LIterally. Our moms are kinda like... besties? (*shrugs* it’s complicated) so we kinda do a lot of things together XD We go to gym together, go to places together, road trip together. She’s a joy to be around. She is like the cuddliest and well usually she does get teased about for being fluffy but like that’s the best part about her 🥺. Her mom is also really picky about her appearance which as her friends, we were pretty annoyed by it, but I love her the way she is :)

First day of school and she walked by and asked to sit next to me. I said yes, without looking at her, coz I was *shy* (shush). Then we had an ice-breaker thing and LMAO guess what we bonded on-

FRICKING HARRY STYLES AND WATTPAD- (look, if you’ve been on wattpad, you’d know that Harry Styles stories on there is never really... safe. in a sense.) SO, we’d immediately bonded over that and literally the rest of the day was history. We’d go through class everyday together and it would be a blast, OF COURSE she had other friends and I had mine, we weren’t really in the same ‘stereotypical’ group (like she has the more... *mean girls* kinda group [I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S MEAN! But, I’m saying that they have the popular group- yeah there that XD])

I had my own group but we hang anyways because it’s fun. She has the most beautiful laugh, like... literally the loudest and beautiful-est laugh ever XD We have so many inside jokes. She’d hold on to them and start laughing randomly XD She cries a lot when she laughs so that always spurs us to continue laughing, gosh damn it, I miss her. I’m smiling so hard writing this.

XDD

Aight! That’s from my IRL friends!

Next we have my online friends! :DDD

First up, we have YAWN! :D

Yawn is quite frankly, the first person I ever actually connected to on Tumblr here XD

I’ve been through tens and hundreds of discord servers, jumped in tumblr group chats, and no where have I ever met anyone as wonderful as Yawn. Literally.

I would say we pretty much clicked and when *she* (look I asked okay. they said yes to all pronouns so- >:3 I’m going to have fun with it XD) expressed xeir love for PUNS of all things, literally, I was shooketh. SO I LITERALLY SPAMMED HIM WITH ALL THE PUNS I COULD THINK OF- ANd then HE LITErally PropOSEd- XDDD I don’t know man. It’s amazing :’) I don’t know how I got this lucky.

Yawn is like that refreshing giddiness you have as a child when you see a new toy or something. Yeah that’s Yawn. Literally every time we text it’s just so damn wholesome and so fun and it’s great! We’d talk about the most random things ever and it’d be amazing :))

Hhhhhhhhhhh, I’m just so damn proud of zem. LIke. Literally. Xir has come so far, and like... we haven’t really met for long yet but I just care about xir sooooooooooooooo much. It has always been there for me and I’m just so appreciative of it. We have so many- *WHEEZE* inside jokes- XDDD

One I can think of is literally “I run you, Shakespeare” and it’s HILARIou- XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I can’t- It’s beautiful XD

I just can’t believe that our friendship literally started with me just sucking up my anxiety and just texting people stuff and I honestly don’t know how it continued from there- XD

They are the most accepting person I know. Genuinely. I don’t know where I’d be without them :’)

Next we have... VOMMY! :DDD Or C-Gal... We gotta bring that nickname back XD

First of all, we met in a Fander Pride Meet Up server. VOmmy CAN SPEAK DUTCH and is SOO CREATIve and SO FRIckING Hard WOrking and such an inspiration. Always greets us and is always down for hugs and cuddles XD

Such a great tea friend, and has like the best aesthetic ever- literally. So old and vintage like a vintage mom and always down to talk about stuff! Ze is soooooo smart as well! And would infodump sometimes when ze’s not busy about stuff that I absolutely adore and love to hear about! Honestly the best vommy ever and ze has PLANTS like- *Woooooooooo!*

We met vommy and literally we can always geek out with zem. Sometimes life gets hard and we need to scream it out every now and then, and vommy would be there :)))

I am so proud of zem and just so damn happy to call zem my friend uwu

ALSO HAVE I MENTIONED THAT ZE CAN SING AND PLAY THE UKE AND WRITE SONGS LIKE WHAT THE HECK THAT’S EPIC AH

Then we haveeeeee... STARBURST! OR BOB THE BUILDER!

ANOTHER friendo we met in the Fander Pride Meet Up Server (seriously a lot of cool friendos there). One of the best advice givers and the most caring older sibling ever. Literally. Like I can’t stress this enough. He’s such a great cousin duck and just a great listener friendo ever.

Such a fricking talented writer and MUSICIAN AND FRICKING ARTIST LITERALLY THE WHOLE SHEBANG IT’s RIDICulOUS

I’m literally so proud of him. It’s crazy. He’s always been there for us, all of us. And is there to provide hugs and arms to cry on. ALSO HAVE I EVER MENTIONED HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS??! LIKE WHAT THE HECK- AHhhhhHHHHHH

SO BEAUTIFUl- and PRETTY and GORGEOUS

Next we haveeeeeee- POPPY the POPTART! :D

First time we met in the Fander Pride Meetup, I may of may not have offended them. 0-0

woops.

I still feel really bad about that honestly. Uhhh, anyways, I won’t go too in depth on that. BUT ANYWAYS-

THEy Have been such a WONDERFUL presence in my life. LIterally. LIke They have such an cheerful vibe ever and would never fail to make me laugh or like coo or like anything coz they are soooo ADORABLE! They are also like really great cuddler and hugger and sooooo sooooo sooooo handsome :DD

Sure there are rough patches in their lives, but I adore them and am sooo sooo soo proud of them for being able to go through it and still come out with their heads high and just so damn happy that they will not give up that easily. I really admire their strength, and we are always there to support if they need help :)

Also, go check out @/poptartsaysurloved pinned post. See if anyone is willing or can help! :)

Next we have... ATLAS! Or LAssie as I like to call him XD

He’s one of the screaming cereal that I most definitely did not meet in the Fander Pride Meet Up and instead in another server and I’m glad to have met him XD

I don’t know the *exact* thing I texted him, but I definitely remember asking him about something in his status and I most definitely was satisfied with my answer and we just started talking in DMs for a bit, before I invited him in to the screaming cereal bowl server! :D

IT IS A BLAST

LITERALLY

ARSon kid can’t go a day without wanting to blow something up and frankly I’m concerned but such a great friendo

Provider of memes, jokes, laughs, hugs, cuddles, and fun time XD

I can’t even, it’s crack head moments every time with that lassie XD

AHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY but obviously not the LAST W E HAVE HEDGIE the ShellY HOGGLES

HONESTLY I LOVE THIS GURLY SOHECKING MUCH

She deals with my bull crap every day kind of and deals with a bunch of my mushy feelingsy moments! I can’t stress enough. Literally Shelly McScotty over here is like the most relatable person ever. Mood all the way and we have like SOO MANY SIMILAR INTERESTS

IT’s CRAZY! When I first found out that she watches like Unus Annus, Winx Club (SHOOSH IT’S A GOOD SHOW SHUSH) Literally, I’m like this is the best person ever. She’s also knowledgeable in a lot of stuff and is literally like the best person to go to when you need to get like informational stuff

Literally. I would info dump on her and she’d be such a great listener. Fricking Disney and Potterhead GEEK of the decade. HOly heck this lady is the literal embodiment of a disney princess. FIRST OF ALL, PERSONALITY IS THERE. SECOND OF ALL, HER LOOKS! HAVE YOU SEEN? LITERALLY SO DROP DEAD GORGEOUS ON FLEEK MAKEUP! AHHHHHh

I can’t get enough of this dude. Gives great advice and insight on soooo many things and I’m just so glad to have met this gurl. I don’t know how exactly we met, but I’m glad we did.

MIND YOU most of my friends are either from Tumblr or Discord so XD

AHHHHHHHHh

Welp! This was a fun! I definitely spent wayyyyyyyyy too long on this thing, but it’s worth it! XD

Hope you have fun learning about my friends from like a freaking geeking out stand point Canon! :D

I have a feeling you wouldn’t read through this entire thing, so well... AH! Hope you have a nice day and don’t sleep too late! Tell me about your friends as well! :))

#caps tw #caps #tw caps #anon stuff #anon #c-anon #canon #friends stuff #long post #I definitely did tag them in my Recs and Friends. And you'll see the occasional reblog or ask #answered stuff

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awkwardlittlepringle · 5 years ago

Text

Queer ‘n Crazy

CHAPTER 10

Hello, fellow Fanders!

This is chapter 10 of Queer 'n Crazy, which I'm sure you knew, 'cause you can read... Me being an idiot aside-

I have fallen into the tartarus that is the BNHA fandom, and I am dying because Deku and Tamaki are my babies, and HNNNNNNG-

Anyway, I hope you're doing alright in these troubling times, make sure to stay connected with nature (humans tend to go mad if they don't see something green) and be sure to eat and drink properly. Self care is important! Even if self care means crying under the covers at night.

My point is, make sure you take care of yourselves. :) The summary is at the bottom of the chapter, though I doubt anyone will need it, this chapter's more of a filler. Sorry if it's cringy, by the way, I'm not very good at writing pining! I've only ever written established relationships before, if anyone has any tips please help me out!

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

WARNINGS : Swearing, feeling like a disappointment, probably cringy writing, pining gays, mentions of food, mentions of horror movies, I think that's it!

..................

"Virgil... What are you doing?"

Virgil grunted. As much as he loved Logan, he wasn't getting a straight answer this time. Logan sighed, bookmarking his page neatly and setting his book down. He turned around in his desk chair to face Virgil, who was currently face-planting onto his desk, his arms wrapped around his head like walls. Logan watched him disapprovingly.

"Virgil." No answer.

"Virgil." Logan reached across the gap between their desks to give Virgil's shoulder a little push. The cat-like boy frowned, letting out a lethargic hum. Logan decided the best course of action was physical contact. He stood behind his roommate with his arms crossed, watching as Virgil buried his head deeper into the space between his arms.

"Virgil." Nothing. Logan nudged (read kicked) his roommate's ankle. "Virgil!" "Stop!"said Virgil, popping the p. He then raised his head, resting it on one of his arms to glare at Logan, who moved into his field of vision. To his surprise, a small smile was resting on his roommate's face.

"What is it, pocket protector?" "Nothing." Logan hummed. "It's just that I don't see how that's a productive way to study." "Well it's working." "Is it now." Virgli nodded mock-seriously. "Mhm. I'm studying the depths of my brain." "And what have you gathered?" asked Logan, falling back into his chair. Virgil scrunched up his nose, watching as the male adjusted his glasses. "That I am more of a disappointment than I thought I was." Logan sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"How many times must I say this, Virgil-" "Yes?" "You are not a disappointment." Virgil rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. I bet you're sick of me already." he mumbled, leaning back in his chair. "Falsehood. I don't think I'll ever get tired of you, actually." Virgil turned away. A spark of hope ignited in his chest, but he forced it down. He'd heard that one too many times. "Virgil-"

"Anyway, I can't concentrate." said Virgil, cricking his neck. "By this point there isn't any merit in trying to, either." He could practically feel Logan's gaze on his back, but thankfully he let the topic go.

"Well if we go by your thinking, there's no point in sitting around doing nothing either." Logan shut his laptop and stood up, brushing down his sleeves. Virgil looked around at him with an eyebrow raised. "Do you have anything else to do?" Virgil shook his head.

"Then how about we do something together. Only if you want to, of course." Virgil couldn't help the smile that found itself on his face. "Yeah, that would be cool." he said, avoiding Logan's gaze. Logan smiled, before walking over to the cupboards.

"What time is it?" Virgil glanced at the clock by Logan's bedside. "7:30." "Perfect." He turned around to face Virgil. "How would you feel about watching a movie? You do it all the time at night anyway, might as well start early." Virgil's lips curved upward. "That would be nice. Any suggestions?" he asked, reaching for his laptop.

Logan hummed, rummaging through one of his shelves, before turning to Virgil holding a mound of blankets. Virgil snorted at the sight. "Not really... I'm not much of a movie person." Virgil's eyes widened. "We don't have to do something if you don't want to, you know-" Logan rolled his eyes. "Virgil, believe me when I say I know the basic codes of ethics." Logan then proceeded to dump all of the blankets on the foot of Virgil's bed. "Just because I am a movie person, does not mean I don't enjoy them."

Virgil blushed, diverting his eyes to his computer screen. "Right." Logan watched his roommate fondly, before sitting down behind him.

Virgil's body tensed up as he felt Logan's breath fan across his neck, and he felt heat rise up his neck. With trembling fingers he typed in his password.

Denied.

Virgil licked his lips, trying again. This time it worked. Logan smirked. "Messy typer, are you?" "Not usually." It's just that you're so fucking close, pretty-boy-

Virgil logged onto netflix and started scrolling through the movies. After a few moments, he turned to face Logan. "So what do you want to-" Virgil's words died in the back of his throat because holy shit he's close.

Logan's face was mere inches away from his own, which Virgil should have expected, honestly. He could feel heart rate sped up and his eyes widened, staring into deep blue ones. Were Logan's eyes always that pretty? Virgil couldn't tell. A blush mimicking Virgil's started to form on Logan's face, and he drew away (Virgil found himself missing the warmth already), and he started to ramble.

"S-Sorry, I know you're big on personal space, I really shouldn't have-" Virgil sat in place frozen, watching as the usually put-together teen fiddled with his tie, looking anywhere but Virgil's face. Virgil could feel what people would describe as butterflies -although they felt more like an angry moths- swarm around his stomach, his mind racing. Sure Logan's eyes were pretty, but there's no way they were that gorgeous the last time Virgil looked at him. Virgil could feel his throat close up, although this time it was in a way that made Virgil want to smile madly. His entire body was buzzing, even though they hadn't even touched each other.

He was snapped out of his trance by the voice of his favourite nerd.

"-I'm so so so so so so so so so sorry, I know that's really stupid, but-" Virgil looked at him strangely. "Lo." "-I swear it won't happen again I just-" "Lo!" Logan started, looking at Virgil with what might have been the cutest blush ever. The two stared at each other for a few moments before Virgil broke the silence.

"It's fine." "Are you sure? I mean-" "Lo!" Logan clamped his mouth shut, his ears glowing. "It's all good." Virgil really felt like grinning, why did he feel like grinning? He hadn't been grinning a few seconds ago... he shouldn't grin, maybe just smile. Logan wouldn't feel weirded out if he smiled, right?

"It's nothing, really. Chill." he chuckled breathily, before turning back to his laptop. Virgil had to bite his lip to stop himself from grinning. That weird feeling from yesterday's back again... Never mind, he was grinning. Logan, who was still blushing, leaned closer to Virgil and peered over his shoulder.

"So... movies." "Movies." Virgil mimicked, his blush finally retreating. He turned around so that Logan was next to him instead of behind him. "What stuff do you like?" Logan shrugged. "I don't know, I'm more of a reader." "What books?" "Um... Pretty much anything, actually." Virgil mock groaned.

"That doesn't help, Lo." "Um, Stephen King? They made a few movies out of his books, didn't they?" Virgil looked at him incredulously. "Did they??? Dude, have you never watched It?" Logan furrowed his brow. "I mean, I've heard of it, aparently it was a turned out to be a hit-"

"Logan, it's like the horror movie." "The book was more of a thriller-" "Thriller, horror, whatever. The point is it's like the horror movie for beginners." "We don't have to watch it if you've already-" "Logan. We're watching it."

Logan smiled hesitantly as the emo lept off his bed, starting to gather various throws and blankets, adding to the pile Logan had placed on his bed. Once he was done it was clear that they had a considerable collection of blankets.

A slightly ruffled Virgil stood at the foot of his bed, looking at Logan.

"So, pillow fort?" Logan nodded. "Pillow fort."

About 10 minutes later they were finished. The two had pushed their beds closer to the center of the room and strung blankets across the gap in between, their desks providing sufficiant support for the "roof" of the fort. The floor was laden with cusions and pillows, which were then covered in yet more blankets, these ones the school issue ones they'd been given. Virgil was just adding the finishing touches when the door opened, revealing Logan, who'd been scouring the building for snacks.

"How'd you do?" asked Virgil, pinning his fairy lights in place. "There's a vending machiene in the lobby, Virgil. So I think I did alright." He smirked, dropping an array of gummies and chocolate across the floor. Virgil snorted, returning to his task.

"You really do have a sweet tooth." "I don't lie if I can help it." shrugged the teen, adjusting his glasses. He then sat down next to Virgil, crossing his lanky legs. He watched the emo with a strange glint in his eyes. Virgil sat back, satisfied with his work, and raised an eyebrow at Logan's expression.

"What?" He said with a defensive edge to his voice. Logan smiled. "Fairy lights?" "You got a problem with them." Virgil muttered, turning away. "Not at all." he replied. "I just didn't peg you as the type." "Loving fairy lights is universal."

The two of them fit quite comfortably in their bundle of blankets, shoulder-to-shoulder and knee-to-knee. While Virgil was trying his best to ignore the butterflies in his stomach, his skin burned wherever it touched Logan's, and an insufferable blush had found his way onto his face yet again.

"So... Should I be scared?" Virgil looked at Logan, who was munching on a chocolate kiss. "What?" "Should I be scared." Logan repeated, turned to face Virgil. "You said that it's a horror movie...?" "Oh, like that! Nah. It's famous because it was the first movie of it's kind, I think. It's not actually that scary." "Alright."

Logan turned back to face the screen, his muscles relaxing as the beginning credits began. Virgil turned to the screen too, although he wasn't paying much attention to it.

A strange feeling had come over Virgil, it was dizzying and grounding at the same time. An odd warmth that started from his chest and expanded like a balloon to strain against his skin. Virgil's lips were curved in an unconcious smile, his body relaxing against his roommates. The fact he was so calm around Logan was confusing, but it felt so nice that Virgil didn't want to question it.

Regardless of the fact he was facing the screen, all of Virgil's attention was fixed on the figure in his peripheral vision. Logan was slumped against the cusions behind them wearing a sleep-shirt, his eyes fized on the screen. If Virgil looked past the glare on his glasses, he could see those captivating eyes, twinkling with interest. There was a small smear of chocolate next to Logan's lip, and Virgil swore there was no combination of words that could explain his overwhelming urge to kiss it off.

Wait, what the-

..........

Summary: Virgil can't focus on anything, and so Logan suggest watching a movie together. They build a pillow fort, and my probably awkward attempt at fluff ensues.

Tag List :

@someone-idk-is-here

@tired-babyboy

@true-chaotic-dumbass

@666frostwolf

@deceits-hat

If you wanna be added to the tag list just shoot me an ask! :)

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awkwardtaco056 · 5 years ago

Text

so now that i’m no longer in the Hell that was school and after finding the lovely blog @endcringe i’ve decided to talk about my own experiences with cringe culture, bullying, and why it’s Really Bad to not let people enjoy inherently harmless things, especially neurodivergent people (read more because this is gonna get long and triggering at times, TW for mentions of bullying, suicide, child abuse, a brief mention of incest shipping. I won’t be naming any of the peers that I discuss my experiences with, because my point with this post is Not to “cancel” anyone, I just want to speak out on my experiences)

I’m neurodivergent; I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old. I didn’t know a lot about it, and a family member even painted it as “oh it’s nothing blah blah blah just apply yourself more. Because of this, I had no idea about the concept of hyperfixations until I was in my late teens. Due to that, I would obsess over random things and my family would shame me relentlessly for it. My mother said I had an “addictive personality” and that she feared I’d end up a drug addict or alcoholic because of it.

I look younger than what I am, I’m short, and small. AKA, the perfect candidate for being picked on by people bigger and stronger than me. People made fun of my art when I was around 13, but fortunately that was an instance where spite fueled me to improve drastically. However, just because I happened to take the shitty comments and have it fuel me then does NOT mean bullying people will have that effect all the time. At some point someone put my old South Park fan art on a cringe blog. I was temporarily hurt, and a little angry, but I realized that if someone was making fun of a 15 year old’s art, they probably didn’t have much going for them in life, so I moved on.

Fast forward to high school. Everything was horrible and I’m not exaggerating when I say I barely made it out alive. I was living in an abusive household up until January 2018 and I found comfort in many different interests. I’ve always found great comfort in music and the arts in general. In 2016, I drew a picture of a mermaid. I was inspired by the chocolate opal gemstone, and I thought it’d be fun to draw a gay chubby mermaid with dark skin and a rainbow tail and freckles. Junior year was lousy and I wanted something that sparked Joy. I was immediately told that “scientifically, mermaids wouldn’t look like that. Mind you, my take looked like this:

Obviously I wasn’t going for realism, I just wanted to draw a cute mermaid. However, they continued to tell me that they wouldn’t look like that, going as far as writing so on the back of said drawing. When I got angry at her for taking it too far (as I’d established before that I didn’t like it when people wrote on my art without permission), they got angry back, accusing me of being unable to take criticism. Heated by the accusation, I went as far as asking my art teacher if it was fair for them to say that, and she said no, stating that constructive criticism would be talking about how I could improve my lineart and coloring in the digital version. I took her actual helpful criticism and since then have improved Drastically in digital art. Even with that being said, I found myself hesitant to participate in things such as MerMay because I was leery of hearing that peer berate me for having cartoony mermaids.

During high school I grew to love many musicians, a lot of emo/alternative stuff, a couple being Twenty One Pilots and Melanie Martinez. I love how unique TOP’s style is, their open discussion of mental illness, and as someone who had a rough childhood, I connected with every single song on Cry Baby. It was like nothing I’d ever heard. I started listening to mashups featuring all these different artists I love, adoring how they could change the tone and sound so drastically. A peer Bully of mine in junior year condemned these two artists, declaring that they made “Bad Music” simply because it didn’t fit their tastes. They’d throw my drawings on the ground, write over them in pen, steal my headphones so I couldn’t listen to music, push me around, complain that mashups sucked and gave them a headache, and in general shit all over conetnt that was actively preventing me from committing suicide.

Some family members were no better. Once high school hit, I began listening to Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, and My Chemical Romance. Their deep complex lyrics stuck with me. I would write down quotes from my favorite songs and thanks to hyperfixating, I remember each studio album in order My mother resented when I fell in love with the “Emo Trinity” because “the Columbine shooters were emo and that event traumatized me” Despite that, not only did the Columbine tragedy occur in 1999 and none of the bands got together until the early 2000s, but I have a pretty good feeling those groups aren’t For gun violence. The other side constantly criticized the fact that I love FOB, P!ATD, and MCR because I’m black and “why must you listen to that white people music.”

I grew fond of Dan and Phil in high school (and I’m still a fan to this day!), I loved Phil’s kindness and positive aura and I deeply connect with Dan’s sense of humor and personality. Their content made me happy during some very dark times in my life. It’s November 2017, I’m over a close peer’s house at the time, and notice PINOF is upon us. I drew the PINOF whiskers on my face, my plan being to quietly watch them in the corner of peer’s bedroom on my phone through headphones, the others were doing their own thing and I knew they didn’t like them, so I thought they’d respect it if I silently indulged in it. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. I was immediately shunned and locked out of the bedroom, told that I’d only be let back in if I washed the whiskers off because “absolutely not”. Me, being stubborn, washed them off temporarily but drew them back on in the room. Life during then was especially bad for me, as the abusive household I was in was getting worse. They noticed, of course, and even though all I wanted was to enjoy this small tradition in a time during a deep depression, I was immediately shoved out the room and locked out, only to have said peer’s family members notice. I’m a relatively shy person, so this was honesty a really harrowing experience that had a lasting effect on me.

I grew to adore Sanders Sides as well, but the moment I found out most of my peers didn’t like Thomas, I was terrified. I stopped watching Dan and Phil’s content for months and shied away from other fandoms too, only occasionally indulging in times of complete solitude. One time when said peers were due to visit my house for the first time, I saw the Phandom and Fander stuff I’d hung up on my wall in my little sanctuary that was my bedroom (it was the first time in years I’d had my own room), and I was filled with panic and fear. I took them down and hid them away, genuinely terrified of what they’d do to me if they saw. It’s still incites so much anger in me to this day because they turned around and ended up shipping incest, but somehow liking D&P and Sanders Sides was So. Much. Worse.

They were baffled by my actions, despite having humiliated me Twice by going on a private blog of mine separate from everything so that I could fully indulge and laughing at everything on there, once at a peer’s house, once right in school. I don’t think they realized how traumatizing it was to have a large group of people in public laughing at something I was deeply self conscious about for all of my life. I put on a brave face at the time, but ended up crying in the bathroom after first period began. I continued to be treated as lesser until things came to an ugly head August 2018 when I ended up in the hospital because I nearly attempted suicide. Years of child abuse, bullying, and being deemed “cringy” made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be alive, that everyone would be happier if I were gone.

After arguably one of the lowest points in my life, I cut them off and slowly began to embrace the Real Me. I started letting myself enjoy the things again, made true friends and even found love, my first boyfriend ever at 18. I still get choked up retelling it, but when PINOF 10 dropped, after he found out how much I’d been hurt over the incident in 2017, I was greeted with a photo of him with the whiskers on his face. I cried for a while, blown away at such a pure act of kindness. He listens to me ramble about my interests, he compliments my taste in music, he watched K-12 with me.

This got incredibly long, but my point is this: Cringe Culture hurts people. You might think it’s whatever if the Thing doesn’t apply to your interests, but content you’re denouncing as cringy could be something that’s keeping them alive, that one flicker of light in a void of darkness. When I was contemplating suicide, I listened to The Black Parade, repeating Gee’s words to myself over and over, that nothing in the world was worth hurting yourself over. Some friendly joshing here and there is okay, but actively ripping someone to shreds constantly to the point where they have a mental breakdown in front of you and later on plan their own demise is disgusting. Nobody should abuse anyone for having harmless interests, no one. Unless you’re participating in p*dophilic/inc*st/s*xual assault/inherently abusive ships/content and pretending it’s not bad because “Fiction doesn’t impact reality!”, you have every right to like what you like and be happy. Read homestuck. Play Undertale. Draw up the Wildest OCs you can imagine. And stay away from people who try to rob you of innocent fun, life is too short and in this cruel, unforgiving world, you deserve to be happy, whether you’re a 13 year old who draws cute furries, a 16 year old cosplayer on TikTok, a VSCO girl, a 30 year old who writes/draws self insert art or a 20 year old who adores Invader Zim.

Cringe Culture is just bullying under a different name, and it can lead to many instances of people, especially fellow neurodivergent folk to feel isolated and ostracized. Attempting to bully someone out of an interest they have isn’t going to fix them; it’s more often than not going to cause more damage. I suffer from diagnosed C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression, and sometimes I still find myself trying to over-justify my interests. To all who are roped up in bad homes and lousy “friends” who berate you for your innocent passions, I’m sorry you’re suffering, things will one day get better even if it doesn’t feel like it, and fuck those people. I’d also like to note that sometimes even if it seems more terrifying, it’s better to have one or two close friends you can truly trust than a whole group that walks all over you. You have every right to call them out for treating you poorly, and if things don’t improve, you also have every right to leave.

You have a right to live your True Self.

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crankywhenprovoked · 6 years ago

Text

The Nanny. Part 3

Warnings: Deceit (His name is Dimitri). Remus

Rating: For Everyone.

Words: 1.2k

Chapter 1: Here

Chapter 2: Here

“Daaaaaddy, when are people going to be here?” Roman asked, tugging at Dimitri’s leg.

“In about an hour, same answer Logan gave you five minutes ago.” Dimitri laughed, picking Roman up and setting him on his hip.

“But that’s so long away, why can’t they be here now?”

“Because I like to see you suffer.” Dimitri teased, making Roman pout and cross his arms.

“No pouting allowed on your birthday.” Logan said, coming into the kitchen.

“Make Daddy stop being mean to me.”

Reaching out his arms towards Logan, the adult grabbed him, shifting him onto his hip and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Daddy stop being mean to the birthday boy.” Logan snickered, watching Dee roll his eyes.

“I’m sorry that I can’t make time go faster, and that I couldn’t make the party start any earlier than 2.”

“You could have.” Roman mumbled.

“Could not. Where’s your brother, anyway.”

“I don’t know, do I look like his keeper?”

Logan stifled his laugh behind a cough as Dimitri shook his head and ruffling Roman’s hair before tickling his side.

“Why don’t you go find Rem, and Roman and I will go make sure the backyard is all set. Sound good, Ro?”

“Yea!”

“Thank you.” Dimitri mouthed, before heading towards the living room, Logan taking Roman the other way.

Heading into the back yard, Logan gave a glance over all the decorations, making sure that none were too skewed. The table clothes were still in place and the food table was nearly ready, the lids of the coolers just needed to be taken off. Same with the bowls that were covering the non perishable foods, but still needed to be protected.

“When is the food coming?” Roman asked, as Logan shifted the plates.

“A little after people start arriving. We wanted to make sure everyone had a chance to get here, and eat some snacks before the main food came.”

“Does this mean we get to eat pizza for breakfast tomorrow?”

“I’ll think about it.” Logan smiled, as Roman hugged around his neck tighter.

“Pretty please? If we has enough leftovers, please?”

“Ok, ok. But no cake until after lunch then. Deal?”

“Deal!”

“What deals are you making with Roman?” Remus’ voice came from the door, the younger being followed by Dee.

“I’ll allow you to have pizza for breakfast, if you don’t ask for cake until after lunch.”

“Oh. Cool. Dad, can we go in the bounce house?”

“Sure, whatever.”

Both boys let out a small cheer, Roman wiggling to get down, before they took off towards the inflatable house.

“You know they’re still going to try and get cake before lunch.” Dimitri laughed, moving to stand next to Logan.

“Oh, I know. But Roman stopped asking about when people were going to show up, didn’t he?”

“This is true.”

~*~

A soft smile took place over Logan’s face as he listened to the boys running around the yard, their friends playing tag with them. Adding another name to a tag, Logan handed them to another parent who stuck the tag to a goodie bag. Dimitri had been for a few minutes, but he got sucked into another conversation before heading in to tell the parent about which kindergarden they were going to the next year.

“Roman, dear,” Logan heard one of the other parents call Ro over, directing Logan’s attention over there. “Do you have any more diet pop?”

“I’m not sure, you can ask my dad though.” Roman said, pointing to Logan, before taking off.

Logan’s mouth fell open as he watched Roman for a moment before the lady that had stopped Ro came over. Handing over the marker for a moment to the other helper, Logan dug around in the drink cooler, before handing finding one at the bottom. Wiping his hands off, Logan nodded to the lady, before going back to writing tags, Roman’s words still bouncing around.

“Are the bags almost done?” Dimitri asked, coming over to the table.

“Indeed, no thanks to you.” Logan smirked, as Dimitri let out a raspberry.

“Hush your mouth, what do you need me to do?”

“Maybe pull that other box of juice out of the fridge, I have a feeling there’s going to be some thirsty kids.”

“You got it.” Dimitri nodded, patting Logan on the shoulder before heading back in the house.

“Should have made him stay out in the heat, used the excuse to sit in the ac for a bit.” His helper teased, making Logan laugh.

“You know, I didn’t even think about it.” He smiled, handing them another tag.

~*~

“‘M not sleepy.” Remus mumbled, tucking his head further into Logan’s neck.

“Of course you aren’t.” Logan smiled, rubbing his back.

Next to them, Dimitri shook his head as he held Roman, the other twin already asleep in his arms. The fire pit crackled as another log shifted, billowing heat around them for a moment before the cool night air replaced it again. Remus mumbled again, slowly growing heavier in Logan’s arms as he rocked him slowly, watching the flames dance.

“Is he out?” Dimitri asked, neither boy moving.

“I think so, not that I’m shocked, they barely stopped moving today.”

“This is true, but I think they have the right, being a once a year thing.”

“Glad it is too, I don’t think that I could take it being more than that.”

Dimitri snorted softly, shifting Roman a little as he leaned back more in the chair, rolling his head to look at Logan.

“I do want to thank you, I don’t think I would have been able to handle today all on my own. Even with the small help my parents gave, you were the rock star today.”

“I don’t know about all that.” Logan flushed, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

“I do.”

Logan’s face turned more red as he rested his cheek on Remus’ head, as Dimitri let out a fond chuckle.

“Though, your son did say something interesting today.”

“Oh god, what did Remus say?”

“Actually, it wasn’t Remus.”

“Oh?”

“It was Roman,” Logan let out a small laugh, biting his lip. “One of the moms, I don’t remember her name, asked him if there was any more of a certain kind of pop left. And Roman told her that he didn’t know and pointed at me, and told her to ask his dad.”

“Oh.” Dimitri blinked a few times, making Logan frown a little, before Dee shrugged. “I’m honestly shocked it hasn’t happened before this.”

“What?”

“Let’s be real, Lo. You are just as much a dad to them as I am. Would them calling you that confuse everyone, yea, sure. But you said it yourself at the zoo trip a few months ago, that people already mistake them for yours. So I don’t really see the harm in it, if even they slip up a few times.”

“You sure? I don’t want to upset you.”

“I’m not upset, I promise. Shocked, a little, but not upset. I really don’t know what I would do without you, Logan. And I’m sure these two munchkins feel the exact same way. So unless it becomes an actual issue, I think right now it’s just fine. Ok?”

“Ok,” Logan nodded, hugging Remus a little tighter. “Ok.

Tag list:

@no-sleep-gang-posts

@vampyrsarah

@kittycake574

@roxiefox24

@gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream

@romanslunchbox

@justanotherpurplebutterfly

@razalin

@nightlovechild

@mr-rectify

@cover-your-eyes-children

@greeneggsandham1998

@vulnerablevirgil

@secretlygeneralperson

@sanderssmutsides

@karmels-stuff

@deitywithablog

@sanderssidesstuffs001

@pundefulpapa

@hell-or-high-waters

@Sanders-sides-shambles @thats-so-crash @pandagirl0730 @pansexual-cat-lady @mollycassmith @hissceit @hanramz-the-fander @callboxkat-art @anachronistic-cat @ocotopushugs @moralityism @infinitesimal-heart @someshinningideas @poundland-twoface @nightlovechild @siriuswhiskers @trashypansexual @ace-v-p-d @gamerzylo @allthemetalsoftherainbow @fanatic564 @cinquefoilelove @violetmcl @evilmuffin @k9cat @candiukas @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @angered-turtle @spacenerrrd @toujours-fidele @starlightlogan @justmyshitandmoreshit @skylagamingv2 @blaikleethepanagender @runyou-cleverboy-andremember @moltengoldenstardust @max-is-tired

#platonic lociet #for now #deceit #ts remus

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spacenerrrd · 6 years ago

Text

Don’t Judge A Book By It’s Cover: Chapter 8

Sander Sides

Word count: 1338

Characters: Patton/Creativity, Virgil/Anxiety, Patton/Morality, Logan/Logic

Warnings: Deceit character (known as Declan in the story), mention of previous bad relationships

Summary: Logan runs a library in a small town, allowing him to share his love of books without feeling left out. His business partner and friend Roman helps by running the bright Disney themed cafe that attracts more people to stay for longer. The two clashing but a somehow perfect match of friendship went their days peacefully in their small community until one day a new pair of brothers; Patton and Virgil moved into town and showed the owners a new way of life.

Chapter eight: Is That Tension?

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7

~~~

Thump.

Logan was walking around the library, organising the books that were left at the front desk back to their places on the shelves. They made a heavy sound when they made contact with the shelf. Logan liked that sound, despite it being quite a repetitive and simple task. But the idea of order and making that order calmed Logan’s racing mind. As he moved through the aisles of books, he didn’t notice the shorter man who followed behind him until the man couldn’t help but speak up.

“Hi, Logan!”

Logan jumped, dropping the pile of books that were in his arms as he spun around to face Patton.

“Oh my goodness gracious I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

“You’re… You’re fine Patton…” Logan cleared his throat and straightened up his tie to try and regather his composure. “I just wasn’t expecting to see you this early.”

“Oh yes, well I got to finish work a bit early and so I thought I would pop in and say hello!”

“Ah, that makes sense.”

They stood there. Patton, with a bright smile on his face while Logan tried to think of something to say.

“I don't think I have asked where you work…”

“Oh, uh, I work downtown. You probably don’t know it.”

“I know a fair amount of places around here Patton, maybe if you just told me I-”

“It’s really just a small corner shop, like real hidden and stuff, you wouldn’t know.”

“Ahh, I see,” Logan nodded, not noticing the relief on Patton’s face when he finally dropped the subject. “Well, I should pick these books up and get back to work.” He knelt down and started picking up the books he had dropped. There was a light thump in front of him. Looking up, he couldn’t help the small smile that was on his face when he saw Patton picking up some books. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem, Logan! I thought I might as well help you since it was my fault. Plus, I have nothing else to do apart from helping you with these books.”

Logan nodded, starting to explain what jobs he had left as they both went around to stack the books.

---

“Have a nice day!” Roman waved off the last customer of the afternoon tea rush. With a smile on his face, he started going around and collecting the dirty dishes. Humming Bippity Boppity Boo from Cinderella, he didn’t notice the new person who came up to the counter.

“Damn baby, I forgot how good you looked in those pants.”

Roman immediately stood back up, turning around from the dishwasher to look at who spoke. “What… you’re not supposed to be here Declan…”

“Yea well, you were supposed to marry me once we got out of school, so we can’t all get what we want,” Declan smirked, taking off his bowler hat. “So what are you doing running a cafe? I thought you were going to perform on a stage?”

“I… I’m getting there…” Roman saw a familiar hoodie just behind Declan and almost felt the edge of his lips twitch up. “I have customers, please leave me alone.”

Declan turned around to face Virgil, growling at the back of his throat. “Fine, but I’ll be coming back Princey.” He turned on his heels, bumping into Virgil’s shoulder as he walked out.

Virgil frowned at Declan, walking up to the counter and pulling his headphones around his neck. “Damn, who pissed in his breakfast?” He laughed, but he cut that off when he really took in Roman’s face. “Ro, are you ok?”

The prince like character shook his head, lip starting to tremble. He slid down the counter and pressed his head back against the cupboard. He jumped a little bit when he was pulled into someone's lap but as soon as he recognised the jumper the tension left his body. He leant into Virgil’s shoulder as tears started to roll down his face. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracked as he spoke, displaying his vulnerability.

“Hush now dorkus, there’s nothing to apologise for.”

They sat like that until Roman’s sniffles had quietened down. Virgil grabbed him a pillow and blanket from the children area so he would be more comfortable on the ground. (Roman insisted that he would be fine to get back to work, but Virgil wasn’t having any of it and insisted that he would run the cafe for the rest of the afternoon.) Once he was sure that Roman was ok, he got up and started cleaning up the dirty dishes and taking orders for the cafe.

Roman admired Virgil with a smile. Despite his hand tremoring slightly whenever he talked to a customer, he made the coffees to the best of his ability and took care of the cafe very well. He couldn’t help the small smile on his face as he watched him with a sense of pride. But his eyes were getting heavy and when did he suddenly get so tired? It didn’t matter, because he just snuggled further into the blanket and let his eyes fall shut.

---

Logan and Patton both stopped in their usual track to the cafe when they saw Virgil standing behind the counter, wiping down the surface. They both stood there for a few moments, staring at the unexpected image.

It was Logan who moved first. He walked up to the counter and stood in front of Virgil to get his attention. “Where’s Roman.”

Virgil looked up and pointed down at the ground. “Sleepin’, he had a breakdown after someone came in to visit.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “Was the man taller than Roman, brown hair, smug face, wearing a hat?”

“I, uh, yea. Yea that seems about right.”

Logan gave a single nod. “Thank you for letting me know. I’ll make sure that he gets home and is taken care of.”

Virgil nodded back, looking at Roman for a moment before he spoke again. “Will he be ok?” He asked quietly.

“Yes. It may take him a few days to be back to his normal self, but I am sure he will contact you before then. He has taken a fancy in you.”

Virgil blushed but smiled. “Ok,” he mumbled before throwing his bag over his shoulder and leaving the cafe. “See you later Logan.”

“Bye Logan!” Patton waved at him, smiling wide at Virgil before the two brothers left the library.

Logan smiled and waved back, turning with a sigh. He finished off the last packing up of the cafe before he went around to get Roman. He picked the man up by supporting under his knees and back. (This was the best way for Logan to pick up the hunk of a man. He’s had many chances in getting it down pat.) Then he walked out of the library to take Roman home. It was a struggle using the keys while carrying a bulky man, but Logan managed to swing Roman’s door open. He pushed it closed with his foot and brought the man to his room. He got him out of his prince uniform and into his pyjamas (another thing he has had practice in) and tucked the man into his sheets. Going into the kitchen, he grabbed a glass of water and some pain medication to place on Roman’s bedside table as a just in case for the morning. He also left a small note, saying ‘Call me when you get up.’ and left it with the glass.

Logan looked at his best friend. Even though he was asleep, Roman looked exhausted. He would need help over the next few days and although Logan wasn’t the best with emotions, he was determined to be there for him. But for that to happen, he needed his own sleep. So he turned around and closed the bedroom door carefully to not wake Roman up. Then, he started to head home through the wind, which closed the front door with more force than Logan intended.

Thump.

~~~

A/N: I’m sorry this took so longggg. Hopefully, I’ll get the start of the next chapter going before I get swamped in school againnnn :)) also I have a feeling my tags aren’t working or people aren’t liking my recent writing after my break I had to take due to school work :((

Next chapter

DJABBIC Tags:

@deathbyvenusftw @moonlightinwater @princeanxious @roman-is-a-gay @coffeekeyboardsss @ocotopushugs @thepoolofthedead @sanders-sides-things @angered-turtle @gayrobotalien @rebaobsessions @a-ghosts @catsandrandomness @fricksonsticks @v-blue-writer @hanramz-the-fander @your-username-is-unavailable @emphoenixcat @daughterofsomnus @anaveragegayfan @louisthewarlock @saro510-mp4 @6tick6tock6 @nienna14 @fandomsofrandom @notalwaysthevillian @thestoryoferissur @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes @virgil-crofters @thatgaydemigodnerd @ijustreallylovesanderssides @221b-quote @bubblycricket @charlielgbt @why-only-have-one-fandom @jesjessode @thrown-out-pasta @athenashipsthings @tisithelittleelephant @aroundofapplesauce @muliphandomer @icequeenoriginal @virgilsandersisme @emo-nithtmare @follow-pheonix-inside @depressed-potato-bean

#djabbic #don't judge a book by its cover #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #deceit #ts deceit #deceit sanders #logicality #prinxiety #sander sides #sander sides fanfic

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thatgaydemigodnerd · 6 years ago

Text

A little bit of both pt 3

Tw: mentions of truscum

The final part of the series.

I wanted to post this sooner but I didn't manage to finish it untill today.

This is for week two of @fander-pride-meetup representation, although it's already in week three, I still wanted to post this.

This will have a happy ending, as it's the conclusion to the story.

Roman was non-binary.

Until they weren’t.

Or at least, that’s what they think?

Truth be told it still felt good to see themselves as feminine, but they couldn’t deny that there was an edge of masculinity in them. They were so confused as they screamed into their pillow.

Rolling onto their back and hugging their pillow they unplugged their phone from their charger and opened Google, typing 'both guy and girl' into the search bar. When that gave mainly stuff about intersex people they added gender to the end.

They scrolled though the various links, seeing some Tumblr stuff, they shuddered, they’d heard about Tumblr but they didn’t want to see any of it with their own two eyes. Their eyes found a link that seemed promising, when they clicked on it they saw a lost of words with definitions behind them, they started reading to see if there was anything.

That’s when they saw it, that word that explained it. Bigendered. Both male and female. Something just felt right about that. Roman finally felt like they knew what was going on with their gender.

Excitedly they texted Virgil

Non-binary royalty: dude I got something to tell you can I call you

Patches: Sure.

Roman smiled widely as they tapped on the call button, Virgil answered immediately.

“What’s up?”

“I figured out my gender! I think. I was thinking about how I still felt like a woman, but at the same time I also felt like a man, so I googled for both guy and girl, and I found out about bigendered. Both male and female, it just feels right.” Roman couldn’t suppress a smile as they said it.

“That’s great! I’m happy for you. Do I need to switch pronouns again?”

Roman paused, they hadn’t thought about that. He took a moment to try out different things. She thought back to when she identified as a trans woman, but then he remembered that he also never really felt bad. And he had started to miss it a little bit when they weren’t using it.

“Could you try mixing things up and using both he him and she her?” Roman asked unsure about himself.

“Sure, I’ll try to remember. I’d say the whole punching thing is still standing but I’m not sure when you’d actually punch me.”

“I’ll see about that, thanks anyways.”

Roman hang up with a smile, she really did feel good about this. She went through his contacts and tapped on Patton’s name, sending him a text.

Non-binary royalty: I think I finally figured out my gender

Non-binary royalty: I’m pretty sure I’m bigendered, both male and female

Non-binary royalty: please use both he/him and she/her for me

Roman put away his phone and laid back on her bed, waiting for Patton to respond.

Patton had done as he promised and had gotten better about the whole transgender thing. He had done research himself but had also just asked questions to Roman when he was confused about stuff. Roman had warned him about the misleading stuff posted by truscum and Patton listened, being critical of sources and what they say.

Roman checked her phone again to see Patton had responded.

Patdad: Okay kiddo :D

Roman was smiling at his phone as it buzzed from receiving a text message from Virgil, Roman quickly switched over to him.

Patches: Do you want to come over to celebrate?

Non-binary royalty: sure

Roman got up and walked over to Virgil’s place with a smile and a Happy spring in her step.

He arrived at the same time as Patton, waving at him, when Virgil opened the door.

The two walked in to see that Virgil had actually decorated the house as much as he could in fifteen minutes, there were some balloons laying on the floor or taped to the walls. There were bowls of chips and bottles of soda on the table, and Virgil had pulled out a few board games from his closet.

“You really didn’t have to put in all this effort.” Roman said as he looked around amazed.

“Sure I did, this is a great thing, also I still feel bad about how I used to treat you, so I’m making up for it.”

“At least someone is.” Roman said with a sigh.

“What do you mean kiddo?” Patton asked confused.

“It’s nice to have you two as my friends again but it just isn’t the same with Logan here, even if he is a truscum.”

“Yeah, but he can change that, you can’t change being trans, so until he decides to be better he’s out of the group.” Virgil shrugged.

“I do agree with Roman, it has been odd hanging out without Logan, maybe we should help him change so he can join us again?” Patton said hopefully.

“its hard arguing with someone who has set their mind on disagreeing with who you fundamentally are. And besides, arguing about being trans doesn’t noticeably impact him while it greatly affects me because it feels like a direct attack on me.” Roman said as she lowered his shoulders, seemingly tired from just thinking about it.

Patton put an arm around her shoulders and smiled. “We’ll be there to help you, we can back you up or take over if it’s too much for you.”

“Yeah, Logan is a man of science, if we find the proper sources he must see that he’s wrong and change his mind on the matter.” Virgil added.

Roman didn’t say anything as he thought it over, he did like the idea of having their friend group be complete again.

The three of them set out on the internet to find facts and sources, gathering them all in a word document, with short summaries and links, and then set out to write out the arguments. The celebration long forgotten.

Roman was feeling very nervous as Patton knocked on Logan’s door, the last time she saw him they didn’t part on good terms.

Virgil squeezed his arm and she looked at him, seeing him smiling reassuringly at her.

Logan opened the door and straightened his tie, his eyes going over the three people in front of him.

“For what reason may the three of you be gathered in front of my door. I was under the impression that you all were refusing to talk to me.”

“And do you know why?” Virgil asked him as he stared him in the eyes.

“Well, Roman stopped associating with me after I discovered he is not actually transgender and has merely been pretending to be so for attention. And both you and Patton stopped associating with me when you started associating with Roman again.”

“Now listen here yo-“ Roman began but Virgil grabbed her shoulder and shot him a warning look.

“That is actually why we are here, we wanted to talk to you about whether or not you can be trans without dysphoria.”

Logan sighed and stepped out of the way. “Very well, come inside.”

They all say down around Logan’s dinner table, Virgil pulled out his phone in which they’d written down their arguments. Patton started off from the top of his head. “Scientists agree that there is a difference between being transgender and having gender dysphoria, with gender dysphoria being categorized as a mental disability.”

Virgil picked up next “Furthermore, there are many people who experience gender euphoria but no gender dysphoria, this still makes them transgender.”

Roman took a deep breath and began talking next, she knew that he was with friends who would help him and support her, so she laid out his heart for Logan. “It just feels so right for me to be bigendered, and yes, I don’t have dysphoria, a part of me is a man which makes it so that I don’t mind my man body, but that doesn’t take away that I am part woman as well. I am transgender, no matter what you may think.” Roman didn’t dare look at Logan, looking instead at her hands or the wall or anywhere else, hut after he finished she finally looked into Logan’s eyes. Logan didn’t say anything, he seemed deep in thought.

“My sources say differently, my aunt is transgender herself and after she came out of the closet I interviewed her on all sorts of matters, mainly about being transgender. She explained to me that there are many people who say they are transgender but in fact are not, and are only pretending so for attention. Those people do not experience gender dysphoria and thus can not be transgender. I understand now that I should not have trusted her word without doing some research myself. I will come back to all of you at a later date. You have given me a lot to think about.”

Virgil was the first to stand up, followed by Roman herself. Patton looked at Logan for a bit longer but stood up as well and walked after the other two, closing the door behind him.

“That went so much better than I could have ever imagined.” Roman said as he let out a breath he had been holding.

“Logan has always been someone who doesn’t want to be wrong, and no matter how much he hated admitting he was wrong, he will change his ideas and views if you can present good arguments.” Patton said with a smile. “He’ll be our friend again soon enough.”

Logan one day had simply showed up at Romans house when Virgil was hanging out with her, had said only sorry, and sat down to join their conversation just like that. And Roman was happy with that, he was happy that their friend group was back together again. He knew they fully supported her and loved her, and he loved them back.

The end.

Taglist:

@geronimo-scamander-spd

@cataclysm-al

#sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #ts virgil #roman #logan #patton #virgil #trans roman #platonic lamp #tw: truscum #ts sides #non-binary roman

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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years ago

Text

Ivity and Anx: part fourteen

Summary: Virgil listends to the song that Princey posted in his living room. Things go to hell.

Warnings: accidental self isolation, breif mention of migraines, parental abuse, attempt of muder, a knife, self-blame, self-depreciation, guilt

Word count: 5130

Pairing: Slowburn Prinxiety, lots of platonic Analogical

A/N: HI I RECORDED A SONG FOR THIS PART AND I’M SHAKING. Anyways listen to this song which is a recording of the song that Princey sings. But with my voice. And yes, I made Roman have the same guitar as I do because I’m emoTIONALLY ATTACHED okay? The video is bad, but just pretty please listen to it and read the chapter or both at once I don’t know. If you know how it sounds it gives the words a bit more meaning than just random poetry. Anyways. This chapter is very emotionally taxing and sad. It made several beta readers cry. Good luck. Taglist under the cut.

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @witchcraft--and--wizardry @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @littlelogicstillcounts @musicqueen1239 @nicological1 @the-average-loner

Today had been a long day, but that wasn’t unusual. Long days were a common thing for Logan since he moved into his college dorm, but that was mostly his fault. Classes hadn’t started yet, for either Logan or his friends going into their junior year, but that didn’t mean that Logan hadn’t started studying yet. The seventeen-almost-eighteen year old would spend several hours a day at the library, reading his textbooks and teaching himself the material for the classes to come. He also kept detailed and clean notes, something that made him happy.

His notes served a few purposes for Logan. It was a way to destress, it let out his creativity in a productive way, it helped him remember what he studied, and it provided him something to put on his Tumblr along with his bullet journal. He had what was called a studyblr, and was fairly popular. When he followed Virgil without telling him what his blog was, the younger nearly had a heart attack.

Logan’s pen stopped in the middle of the sentence he was writing. Virgil. He hadn’t talked to the younger in a while, which honestly scared him. The two used to be inseparable, considering that both were on the outskirts of the social game. Logan was always diving into books, and Virgil was always avoiding people at all costs. Now, though, with Logan off at college and burying himself in his books again, the two weren’t talking as much. Come to think of it, he hadn’t talked to Patton in a while. That was an oddity as well, since the excitable man loved talking to him. Logan loved talking to him. The college student felt a dip in his stomach, probably because of guilt. He was so busy studying at the library that he had begun to forget his friends.

A text tone interrupted the classical music streaming through his headphones, making him pause. A light of hope flickered inside his mind, because just maybe, it was one of his friends deciding to break the silence. He didn’t even realize how much he missed them these past few months until now.

Patton Heart <3: Hey Logan! I think you probably should check this out. It’s totally about Virgil, but you know more about the situation then I do.

After the first text, Patton sent with it a link to a video on YouTube. Logan was certainly confused, but once he clicked the link to preview the video, he understood. Roman posted a video, most likely unedited, of a song about Virgil.

Logos Brain: Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will alert Virgil. How have you been, Patton? I apologize for my momentary absence. I have been settling in here and regrettably forgot to talk.

Patton Heart <3: It’s okay!! I’m glad you’re settling in well. Make any friends?

Logos Brain: No one could replace you, Heart

Logan could not see, but Patton was flapping his arms everywhere at that comment. It gave him peace of mind knowing that Logan felt so strongly about him, even though he was known for not having any feelings. It made Patton warm and fuzzy inside, like most things that Logan said. What Logan could see, though, was his own phone pulling up Virgil’s contact and sending him the link to the video.

Pocket Protector: Virgil, Roman wrote a song about you. You may want to check it out.

Honorary Brother: Oh. Okay. Thank you Lo Sorry we haven't been texting

Pocket Protector: Its my fault. I was neglecting my friends in favor of studying

Honorary Brother: This is why I usually am the buffer. Taking ten minute breaks every half an hour? For your head?

Pocket Protector: Yes, Virgil. I promise.

Virgil was usually the one causing Logan to worry, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t worry about him too. The elder had an skill for getting headaches after reading or concentrating for too long. If he let the headache go without treating it, there was a more than likely chance that he would get a migraine. If it got to that point, little would stop the pain, and the migraine would persist for hours, or even days. That’s why Virgil made Logan have the ten for thirty rule.

Virgil shifted on the couch, trying to get more comfortable as he clicked on the YouTube link. He knew it was Roman, but he didn’t know how he could write a song about him of all people and be able to pass it by the record label. As soon as the video loaded, though, Virgil understood.

The title of the video was ‘Psychic, an Original Song by Roman Prince’ and opened with Roman pulling his arm away from the camera. He was sitting in a mostly dark room, fairy lights behind him, with his guitar resting on his legs. His head was almost out of frame, but the bottom half of his face was visible. Virgil sucked in a breath as Roman started talking on the video.

“I just want to start out with saying that this video is currently in no way related to Vidomen Records or any of it’s associates. I actually just wrote this song like… ten minutes ago, but I just.... I need to get this out. So. This is called Psychic.” Roman’s voice was soft, spoken with care and in his lower register. Virgil suddenly became aware that he did not, in fact, have his headphones in, and was making a loud commotion in the living room by playing the video.

Be seen not heard. Or, better yet, don’t be fucking seen either, but don’t leave this house, ya hear? The booming echo of the memory of his father’s voice made a shiver fall down Virgil’s spine. He quickly turned down the volume as low as it could go without being off. He then put the phone up to his ear, closed his eyes, and listened to Roman’s smooth voice begin to sing.

It’s almost like he can read by thoughts But I wish you could too All these emotions and things inside That I’m trying to get through to you.

Virgil’s heart plunged into his gut at the sheer emotion in the words that Roman sang. They were taken straight from Princey’s own heart, which made Virgil understand why he put the disclaimer at the beginning of the video. It was nothing like his usual, peppy, flamboyant songs. This song was pure Roman. Virgil held onto the phone harder as the slower chorus played through the small speakers.

If you could be inside my mind Then I wouldn’t have to try To put my pride aside And tell you the truth But the truth is hard to get out When it falls on closed ears So can you be psychic for me? Can you be psychic for me?

Roman took another breath to continue singing, but Virgil’s phone was knocked away from him. Fear stabbed him in the heart and gripped his lungs to make it hard to breath. His eyes widened, adrenaline pumping through his veins as his father grabbed his wrist. He was pulled off the couch, tossed down to the floor.

Vaguely, he could hear Roman continue singing with, “I know that you’re terrified.”

“What did I tell you about making noise?” Virgil’s father growled as he stepped closer to his son, who was now on the floor.

A little ways away, Roman continued singing with, “Because you’ve been cast aside.”

“I-I’m sorry, sir.” Virgil started to stutter, but was stopped from further apology by a kick to his side. The fear inside his chest was pushing at his rib cage, almost begging to be released. It was pounding, hard and fast like nothing he had ever felt before. He didn’t understand the difference in this punishment. It had started out just like all the others, so why was his adrenaline at an all time high? Why was he so scared, but not of the man leaning over him?

“Tell me what I told you!” the father figure yelled, his fists clenching as he stepped on Virgil’s wrist.

In the distance, Roman finished the chorus with, “Your feelings were twisted for fun. Words like bullets from my gun.”

It was at this moment that Virgil finally came to a screeching halt. Roman’s voice flowed into his ears as he sang the bridge again, somehow becoming louder with every passing second. Everything around him dimbed, the loudness of his father screaming his sentence again diminishing as his ears started ringing. The world was starting to go into some sort of slow motion, allowing Virgil to rethink over the decision that his mind had already made the moment that the phone was slapped out of his hand. Now he realised why this time was different. This time, he had Roman’s voice with him, a voice that he had once hated but learned to love. It was the soft tone that the singer used to comfort the other on those late night calls, and it was with him in this moment. This time was different because Roman unintentionally just accidently gave him hope. He didn’t understand why the lying boy would write this song, but it struck a chord inside Virgil. He didn’t register the dryness of his mouth or the pain in his wrist. All Virgil could think about was the word stuck in his throat, leaning off the tip of his tongue.

“No.”

“What?” Virgil’s father took a step back in shock. He hadn’t heard that word pass from his son’s lips since before his mother died. “What the fuck did you say?’”

“I said,” Virgil sat up from the floor, his hand finding his phone that was still playing the song and placing it in his back pocket. He was standing now, straightening his back with a slight bit of pain to be taller than his father. He was working on auto pilot, the world still fuzzy. “No.”

Thanks to the odd sensation of not actually being in his body that Virgil was experiencing, everything that followed was a blur. There were loud words, dodged punches, and spit flying everywhere. That much was processed in his head. Virgil was vaguely aware that he was also yelling, but what of, he didn’t have a solid grip. The words passing off his tongue felt like he was calling his dad out about being a drunk, and calling him out on how he treated his own son, but he couldn’t be exactly sure.

Before Virgil could acknowledge it, he had screamed his throat raw. His father’s eyes were glaring daggers at him, wide and seething. He could only see red. Virgil, on the other hand, was coming back down to earth, and the hope in his stomach was washing away. Every ounce of confidence that may had been left fully disappeared when his father reached over the kitchen counter. He didn’t realize that they had moved so close to the kitchen in their fighting, and Virgil was going to pay for that.

Mr. Sanders drew his hand back, revealing a long silver kitchen knife. Virgil’s heart rate suddenly skyrocketed, his hands beginning to shake even more than they were. His father took a step closer, which made Virgil take a step back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t- I didn’t mean…” His eyes were glued onto the knife. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry won’t fucking cut it,” His father was advancing quicker. He adjusted his grip on the knife. “You need to be taught a lesson.”

Virgil attempted to back away again, but instead fumbled over the couch. His back hit the cushions, but he was immediately attempting to scramble away. His father was still approaching with some sort of sick gleam in his eyes. Was this his plan all along? To get him to fight back, only to stab his chest to hear him scream and see the light leave his eyes? Did he hate him that much, that he’d kill him? Virgil fell off the couch, too caught up in the dark thoughts to notice the end of the sofa. The floor came up too quickly, and suddenly he was eating carpet. He heard his dad snicker behind him, dark and menacing. This was too much, this was too much and Virgil could not take it.

Somehow, he managed to get up off the floor. It was messy and ungraceful, but he grabbed his hoodie laying on the ground while getting up from the floor. With his hoodie in hand, and his phone in his back pocket, now all he had to do was get the fuck out of the apartment. Of course, Mr. Sanders had other plans than to let his son escape that easily. He follows Virgil menacingly, the glint in his eye growing as he started to raise the knife.

“I’ve been too lenient to you. It’s time you get what you deserve.” he said, looking at the knife and looking toward his son. Virgil’s vision swarmed in and out, his breathing all but stopped.

The next few moments would stay in Virgil’s mind the rest of his days. They played out in slow motion, frame by frame, as it happened.

Mr. Sanders lunged quite quickly, but it didn’t feel quick at all. Virgil eyed the knife, sharp and threatening, as it darted toward his chest. Before he could think, Virgil began to turn to the side, his eyes never leaving the intentional divits in the glinting silver. As he was trying to get away from the plunging knife, Virgil put his arms out in front of him. While he turned, his arms did too, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. The knife missed its mark on Virgil’s chest, but it still sliced through his upper arm. A small scream ripped from Virgil’s throat as it did so, but he pressed on. Since his arms were moving forward as he twisted, the knife was pressed deeper into his arm. But after it passed through his flesh, Virgil’s arms connected with his father’s body and pushed away.

Afterward, time sped up.

Virgil was running. His breathing was quick, coming in bigger gasps then before. He fumbled with the door for only a moment before it was open and he was running. He was going down the concrete stairs ten times faster than he usually did, only bent on getting away from the apartment. He needed to get away, even though he knew that he would eventually have to return. But for tonight, he ran like there was no tomorrow.

That was, at least, until his panic driven state began to wash away. His lungs burned, as did his legs, but at least he was away. Virgil took a second to gauge where he was. Upon looking around, he concluded that he was in Logan’s neighborhood. His legs must have carried him here due to muscle memory. Virgil thought that was okay for the moment until he realized something very important. Logan was not here. Without Logan, Virgil had no one. And, now that the fight or flight response had eased up, he just realized how much pain his arm was in.

So Virgil did the only thing he knew how to do: call Logan.

Once seated semi-comfortably on a bench in the neighborhood park nearby, Virgil attempted to pull his jacket on to attempt to keep the chill of night at bay. He took out his phone and sighed. More cracks had formed when he fell over the couch.

“Please still fucking work.” Virgil pushed the button to unlock his phone and let out a sigh of relief when it still turned on. He went to Logan’s contact number and hit the call button.

Logan picked up after two rings. “Good evening, Virgil.”

“Hey Lo.”

Logan could hear in Virgil’s voice that he was crashing from the adrenaline. “Is everything alright?”

Virgil considered lying for a moment. He knew that Logan could read him like a book, even over the phone, so he decided against it. “No. It’s not. It fucking sucks.”

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” When he didn’t get an answer, Logan decided to try something different. “Gauge?”

Virgil sighed. He was simultaneously grateful and hateful at just how well his friend knew him. “Eight and a half.”

“What happened?”

Virgil took a breath, his grip on his phone tightening. “Knife.”

There was shuffling at the other side of the line. “Virgil, Virgil, you need to get it looked at. It’s not something that I can help you with where I am.”

“I know that, Logan, but you know I can’t go to the hospital.”

“I know. There is someone else you can go to,” There was a pause, then the opening and closing of a door. “Someone who has helped you through a lot.”

“Don’t fucking say it.”

“Virgil.” The tone was testing, but Virgil didn’t care at the moment.

“No, Logan. I can’t.” Virgil shook his head even though he knew Logan couldn’t see. “Not after this long of time. He probably fucking hates me. He’s probably planning how to make next year a living hell.”

“He misses you.”

Three simple words. Something Virgil never thought he’d hear about Roman. Did Patton talk to Logan about it? Is that how Logan knew that Roman missed him? Logan wasn’t one to say or do anything without some facts behind it so it wasn’t a gut feeling.

“You don’t know that, Logan.”

“Yes I do. Patton’s said so. Several times.” At the moment, it sounded as though Logan was walking rather quickly. “Patton even told me that Roman’s tried reaching out to you.”

“Roman hates me. He’s out to make my life a living hell.”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, but kept walking. “Do I honestly need to read to you a list of reasons for you to go to him?”

“You don’t have one of those ready, Pocket Protector.”

“Actually, I do. Give me a moment.”

Virgil shouldn’t have been surprised, considering that Logan was crazy over lists and notes. He would comprise one full of pros and cons about Roman. Sighing, Virgil put a little pressure on the cut, hoping to stop a little of the bleeding. There was a sound on the other end of the line of a door opening and closing again. Then came the ruffling of papers.

“Are you ready, Virgil?” Logan asked a few moments later.

“Do I have a choice?”

“No.”

“Didn’t think so. List away.”

“I’m ignoring that. Some of the pros of going and talking to Roman include: He knows about your past and would be least likely to completely, um, ‘lose it’ if you showed up bleeding. Roman also has been able to help keep you calm in moments of excessive alarm. Occasionally even more capable at it than I am. You are also very comfortable with him. At least you were before you realized who he was. You trust him to some extent. And I believe that he has no intention of hurting you.”

“Wait. Did you just say ‘I believe’?” Virgil couldn’t help but point that out.

“Based off of evidence I have collected, yes.”

“And what evidence would that be?” As much as he hated to admit it, he was curious about what would cause Logan to say that.

“One example would be that he told Patton that he ‘had ruined everything’ and ‘it was all his fault.’”

Virgil didn’t know how to respond to that. It was the last thing that he expected Roman Prince to say about him. He never thought that Roman would go so far as to blame himself. He thought that Roman would laugh about the experience and use it as more fuel against him.

“Virgil?” Logan’s voice broke Virgil out of his thoughts.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said would you like more evidence?”

“No, thank you. I don’t want want to hear the page and a half of evidence you probably have on that one point.”

“It is a page and a quarter.”

“Whatever you say.” Virgil couldn’t help the slight smile that was on his face. He missed talking with Logan so much.

“Anyway. Roman would also find a way to help you without making you go to the hospital. And just talking to him would be enough to, uh, pay him back.”

“Based off what Patton said I’m guessing?”

“Precisely. Though it is a possible con in he may not want to talk to you. It was a few months ago that Patton told me this.”

“Any other cons?”

Virgil heard the shuffling of pages from the other line again. “He could be upset that you didn’t let him explain himself. He could be upset that you broke off all ties. However it’s hypothesized that sitting down and talking to him about why will rectify that. Actually almost all of the cons I have written could be corrected by just talking to him.”

“Almost all?” Virgil’s curiosity got the better of him.

“The one outcome that wouldn’t be corrected is if he truly never cared for you, which seems highly illogical. I believe that there is an infinitesimal chance that talking to him will work.”

“Logan. Buddy. That’s not encouraging.”

“Why not? I am simply saying that there is a great chance that if you talk to him things will be alright.”

“Not that ‘infinitesimal’ means Lo.”

Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle when he heard Logan typing away quickly at his computer. He could almost imagine the look of disbelief on the other’s face. The sputtering from the other line proved that Logan was at a loss for words at misusing the term.

“I...deeply apologize for that, Virgil.”

“‘S all good. I knew you didn’t mean it.” There was a pause. “So you really believe it’s a good idea to go to Roman?”

“I truly do. While he may be arrogant, I do not believe that he will turn you away. He’s prideful but he still has a heart.”

“Alright. If he does I expect a major apology.”

“I promise.”

Virgil took a deep breath and was about to hit the end call button when something stopped him. It was some emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time. After pondering it for a minute, Virgil realized it was pride. He was proud of what he was going to tell Logan.

“I stood up to him.” Virgil whispered as he got up from the bench.

“What do you mean?” Logan asked, fearing the answer.

“My father. I... I stood up to him”.

“That’s… That’s good, Vee. If you did, I think it’s all the mor--”

“That’s not it, Logan.” Virgil cut off his friend. He was now standing near the bench, not ready to leave the familiar place yet.

“What’s not ‘it?’” Logan sounded worried. There was another shift on the other side of the line, signifying that he put down his papers.

“It all happened so fast, or slow, I don’t know. He may not have but... I turned and the-the-the blade went deep into my arm and…” Virgil took a deep breath to attempt to steady his heavily beating heart. He couldn't get it out. He couldn’t.

“You’re probably bleeding far worse than I anticipated because of, of your bravery,” Logan moved the phone to his other ear. “You did stand up to him, that’s what matters. And I’m.. I’m extremely proud of you.”

“Yeah but now my jacket is going to be soaked in blood.” Virgil joked as he started walking again. He heard a muffled ‘Jesus Christ’ on the other end of the line which made him crack a smile.

“If you do not go to Roman I will fly home and personally drag you kicking and screaming to the hospital and then to his house.” Concern was clear in Logan’s voice.

Virgil knew Logan well enough to know he meant it. “I’m already off the bench and out of the park. You’re just lucky the two of you don’t live that far apart.”

“We what now?”

“I ran into your neighborhood. Muscle memory I guess.”

“I am… sorry that I am not there to help you.” Regret was clear in Logan’s voice. He wished the world that he could be there to help protect his friend.

“Its okay. You’ve got collage, and… Like I said, he only lives a few blocks away.” Virgil was lying. He was lying so hard that it hurt. But he had to, because he couldn’t spend his entire life dependant on Logan. He had enough of Virgil’s bullshit and pain. He deserved a normal life full of learning, possibly love, without Virgil weighing him down. That’s all he ever did, really, was weigh him down. If Virgil hadn’t been so stupid as to go to his house all those years ago, hurt and afraid, then Logan’s life could have been free from pain. The most he had to worry about was love and knowledge. But no, Virgil had to ruin all of that.

“Virgil, talk to me.” Logan cut through Virgil’s internal thoughts. He seemed to do that a lot.

“What? Sorry, spaced out.”

“You worry me. I asked if you want me to stay on the phone with you?” Worry was even more evident in Logan’s voice than before.

Virgil pulled his hood up to hopefully block some of the wind as he turned onto the main street. It was late, past midnight at least, so there wasn’t too many cars to disturb the call. “Maybe? I don’t know. It sounded like I took you away from something.”

“That was… nothing really important. A dorm activity.”

“That you liked or not?” You fucking idiot Virgil. He was doing normal college stuff and you couldn’t even let him do that. Stupid.

“It was okay. I met this mess of a man, Nate, who scares me with how much he procrastinates.”

“So… ProcrastiNATE.”

“I hate you.” Logan couldn’t help the slightly fond smile despite his annoyance at the pun.

“Come on, you love me.”

“You’re right. I do. A lot, honorary little bro.”

“Did you just call me ‘bro?’ What has college done to you?” Virgil teased his best friend. No, that wasn’t right. Logan was his brother. They were closer than blood could ever make them.

“I tried! But honestly, you’re still Honorary Brother in my contacts.”

Virgil was silent for a few moments before he regained himself. “That means a lot to me, Lo.”

“I know it does, Virge.”

Virgil was still concerned that he messed up an important part of Logan’s experience at college. “Are you sure that I’m not taking you away from anyone right now?”

A knock on a door at Logan’s end of the call gave him his answer. “One moment.”

“Sure.”

Logan removed the phone from his ear and covered the speaker to hopefully minimize what Virgil could hear. He sat up from the chair at his desk to approach the door. Upon opening it, the man that he talked about to Virgil was standing there. Logan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion before raising one as to ask ‘what are you doing here?’

“Oh, good, this is your dorm. Okay.” Nate pushed up his sunglasses and leaned against the doorframe.

“What do you want? I’m a bit preoccupied.” Logan was annoyed, that much was clear. Virgil was just able to make out his words, which made him feel even more guilty than he already was.

“Dude, you left right in the middle of a conversation. And said something about a hospital. We worried.” the concern in Nate’s voice actually seemed genuine, at least to Logan.

“I’m helping out a friend of mine, its-” Logan was promptly cut off by Virgil on the other end of the line.

“Logan! Go back to the meeting thing!” Virgil half-yelled into the phone, hoping that his friend would hear him. “I’m almost there anyway.” That wasn’t the full truth, but it was close enough to the truth that Logan wouldn’t mind anyway.

Nate looked down at Logan’s phone, then back up to the younger with a smirk. “And the friend agrees with me. Come on, tell ‘em goodbye and come back! Brian’s about to talk school stuff and by the looks of ya, you’d like that.”

“Go, Logan!” Virgil yelled again. Logan brought his phone back up to his ear for the second part of Virgil’s sentence. “Besides, a dude named Brian? That’s gotta be cool. He has your last name as a name.”

“Yeah, well, you’re more important,” Nate gave him a goofy smile, to which Logan responded by tearing the phone away from his face and saying, “Not like that, you, uh, you...”

“Buffoon?” Virgil supplied.

“Buffoon! Wait, Vee, what does that even mean?” Nate watched these two sortof interact with a happy glint in his eye. They were good friends. Even he could tell.

“Dunno. Now go.”

“Fine. Goodbye, Virgil. Please call me if you need more assistance. Text me when you get there.”

“Will do, Lo. Talk to you later.” Virgil’s grip on his phone tightened. They were doing the dance of who will hang up again.

“Good luck.” Neither wanted to do it. Logan wanted to provide support, while Virgil didn’t want to let go of familiarity and the comfort of Logan’s voice. But he had to.

“You too.” Virgil said with finality before removing the phone from his face and pressing the end call button. Just like that, his fate was sealed.

Not only that, but Virgil knew that his phone was dying. He didn’t have time to grab anything other than his sweatshirt. No charger, no change of clothes, no wallet, no earbuds, no nothing. Virgil took a look at the time, and his battery, before placing it in his back pocket again. No earbuds meant no music, and no music meant that his mind was free to wander.

This was not a good thing, despite what some people might think. Virgil’s mind wandering was never good. Now he had the chance to think over all the reasons why Roman hated him, and why he would definitely turn him away. Virgil walked on like this, pain in his upper arm and worrying thoughts in his mind. It took everything in his being not to think himself creepy for knowing the way. The boy had given the younger his address willingly at some point after their split. Virgil saved it, most likely because of the lingering hope in his heart. Soon enough, he would reach the one place he never thought he’d actually go: Roman Prince’s house.

next part

Shoutout to the amazing @lovecrazyjennybear! She helped me a ton with this chapter (specifically most of Logan and Virgil’s conversation), and even more chapters to come. You are an amazing beta reader and an even more amazing friend! (and writer, and editer, and all the ideas you have. you are amazing all around)

#fail’s writing #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides incorrect quotes #virgil angst #tw abuse #tw murder #so yeah you all get to hear my singing voice and see part of my face #cool

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fluidityandgiggles · 6 years ago

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Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 2

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1

Notes (I guess): I am equally in love and in deep hate with some (a lot) of what’s going on in here, and I am terribly, terribly sorry. And also there are some characters I wanted to explore a bit further than what had been in this part, but... I’m working on it. Give it a bit and I’ll get there. Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas... (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way to… it might take a hot minute.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter in particular includes some very heavy misgendering and deadnaming (if you get what I’m saying). Please be careful.

—————

Science of Living Systems 20 actually wasn't as bad as Remy thought it would be. It was rather cool, actually.

Well, at least he hoped it was.

The head of the department was… an interesting individual. Remy met with him during the application process. The man insisted on calling him "Miss Harris" and speaking to and about him in girl pronouns, and Remy understood why.

For some reason, though, Remy expected all the professors to be like that. And not such was the case.

"Rebecca Harris, I want to see you later in my office."

Doctor Gilliam was in his late thirties, called everyone by their first and last names, thought that being single was hilarious, made really bad puns in his lectures (though Remy heard, not as much outside of them), and tried his best to be "hip with the kids". It was worrying, to say the least. And… yeah, Remy was slightly terrified.

"I'm kind of worried, kid," Gilliam said the moment Remy walked in. "You don't look too-"

"Excuse me, Doctor, but I don't know what this is about."

"Have you heard about shadows and personae, Rebecca Harris?" Remy shook his head, terrified to say a word. "Well, it's quite an interesting concept. According to Carl Jung, you'll learn about him later, the persona is the mask you wear in the world. It's what you want others to see. The shadow is your innermost self, the parts of your identity that you wish to hide from others."

"Okay, and?"

"I think your persona might be cracking."

What… was going on?

"I'm not making sense, am I? I'm sorry. There's a lot that goes into that theory and I shouldn't confuse you this much, at least not until we get to it."

Yeah… it was weird.

"So, my point is… you can talk to me if anything is making you uncomfortable, okay?"

"Okay… I guess."

"Well, that is all," Doctor Gilliam said, fixing his glasses.

That… was weird. But okay. If that's how he wants to do things. Remy wasn't going to complain.

He was definitely better than the head of department.

—

There was a knock at the door.

Abby, their RA, was over earlier. Apparently Katherine had a bit of a scene right after class. So naturally, Remy assumed it would be Abby. No one else could be knowing on their door at ten thirty pm-

"We don't have your bunny this time. You can go."

Oh.

"Oh, no, I just…" Remy could hear that… kid? Whatever his name was, from the door. "I just need… I need someone to help me with something. And…"

"Oh. Remy can help."

"No I can't," Remy replied. "I need sleep and so do you!"

"It won't take long, I promise!"

"...fine." Remy got off the couch - the nice, comfy couch, where there was a blanket and his sols20 book - to the door. Where that kid (Emile? Emile) was looking at him with those big blue eyes and…

Yeah, Remy regretted unbinding. (Well, no. He did not. But also kind of did.)

"Hey… Rebecca, right—"

"His name is Remy."

Emile seemed shocked for a moment. Oh shit. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know. I just… I see you in most of my classes, so… never mind. So… how are you with baking?"

—

"So my sister Julie is LaVeyan—"

"Aren't we supposed to be baking cookies, babe?"

"Yeah, but… the stuff's all in the cabinets and I'm looking!"

Emile was a disaster child, Remy decided after only five minutes alone together. He brought a violin and his bunny to the kitchen in the pursuit of baking cookies - like, what even? - and he just seemed so… energetic? Happy? Whatever the word was. A couple minutes ago he was talking about the cookies, sure, but then he switched it to the importance of guided imagery, and then why Li Shang from Mulan is bisexual, and now… what was he even talking about?

"So my sister is a LaVeyan Satanist," Emile repeated himself, almost climbing on the counter to reach a cabinet. "It's kinda funny, actually. My dad's side of the family are all Catholic, and— can you put the sugar on the countertop, please? Thank you!"

"Sweetie, for the eleventh time this past ten minutes, I understand nothing you're saying."

"Am I speaking another language or something? Because if so I'm sorry!"

"No, it's just…" How does he not hurt his feelings? "It's just… you talk fast and about a lot of subjects at the same time."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry."

Maybe he thought Remy couldn't hear, but there was definitely a "this is just one of the things that are wrong about me" thrown in the air.

Emile didn't speak to him for the rest of the process. Maybe once or twice he pointed out a step or an ingredient, but overall he did not speak. At all. And then the cookies were in the oven…

And then he pulled out his violin.

"Is this really necessary?"

"I'm not talking to you."

"Emile, is it because of something I said?" Emile, still pouting (as he had been for a good hour and some now), nodded. "Well, I'm sorry. Please don't silent treatment me."

"I talk too fast and too much."

"Not what I said. I just said I can't follow you. I didn't say it's your fault. Please don't—"

Emile pretty much just ignored Remy (uhh, rude!) and positioned his violin, and started to play something… quite angrily.

After a minute and a half Remy recognized it as Once Upon a Dream from Sleeping Beauty.

After another three minutes, he dared open his mouth again. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean to. Do you accept my apology?"

"...fine."

It was not fine. Absolutely not.

"Thanks for the help with the cookies," he said as they separated at the top of the stairs, all one-hundred-and-ninety cookies (Emile insisted on quadrupling the recipe) safely packed in plastic boxes and hidden away. "I… I'm gonna go now."

"Emile, please." He turned around, still looking quite pissed. (It was probably the hour, Remy tried telling himself. It's already past one am. This is not good.) "Are you mad that I said I'm confused?"

"To be honest with you, yes! Yes, I'm mad. I know it wasn't your intention but I heard you say shut the fuck up when you said that. And it hurt. Very badly."

...oh.

"I'm going to forgive you, but it's going to take me a bit, so please don't be mad at me, okay?" Emile honestly looked close to tears. "Good night, Remy. I'll see you in living systems tomorrow."

And then he went to his suite, violin and bunny with him.

Remy just got himself into a huge mess.

—

It was a beautiful afternoon in Boston when Remy found himself at the rather posh Italian place his mom wanted to meet at.

Before their divorce in late 1999, just after Remy turned fifteen, his father started contacting a charity organization dedicated to help transgender youth. He educated himself. Tried to educate his wife as well. But… apparently it was the last straw for Linda. The very night he tried to even just explain that it's not her fault, that it's how he was born, she packed up her things and left.

The divorce papers came in less than two months later. The divorce was finalized in November 1999. Remy did not see her since.

(Yeah… that was a lie. He actually hasn't seen her since Christmas 2001. But that was still a very long time. Almost a year is a long time.)

"Well, at least the weather's nice." And there she was with her new boy toy. Glamorous as ever, with her stupidly huge sunglasses and her bright red (disgustingly fake, makes India's hair seem real) curly bob, looking exactly the same as she did that day Remy came out to her.

A few hours later, though. When she thought he was asleep and left the house to go to some party.

"Well, at least you're still not very nice, Linda," he said with a smirk as he sat down next to her boy toy (he actually looks kinda nice, for a forty-something year old). "But much unlike the weather, I don't think this is a thing that can change so easily."

"Where are your manners, Rebecca?"

"The same place those diamond earrings you forgot when you left us are. At home with Dad, probably watching South Park."

"Well, at least we left the girls at home." Linda took off her sunglasses and replaced them with a normal, frameless pair of glasses. "I don't believe you met Stephen before, Rebecca."

"I don't believe I've met a Rebecca before, Linda."

"Are you ready to order?"

It took about two minutes for all the orders to place (of course Stephen had to order something overly fancy, because why the fuck not) before she started yapping again.

"Rebecca, I didn't ask to see you for you to be so rude to me."

"I didn't ask to see you, period."

"What would you like to be called, then?" Stephen asked. Well…

"Remy. My name is Remy."

"Your name is—"

"My name is not Rebecca! I haven't gone by that name since I was fourteen. Dad never called me that since the day I asked him to call me Remy. You're the only one who ever insisted, how do you think it made me feel?"

"How do you think it made me feel, Rebecca?" Remy hoped no one was looking. "My own daughter. I jeopardized my own high school graduation to have you because your father was dumb enough to forget the condoms. I gave up life-long dreams just to raise you, because that retard of a father you have couldn't. Is this how you repay me?"

There was a very awkward silence, that was broken by an unfamiliar voice - deep, with a southern drawl - and a confused "Rebecca?"

India. Without her makeup, her hair pulled back.

Looking almost perfectly manly.

"Excuse me?" Linda straightened her glasses, glaring at India. Oh, how Remy did not want this to happen… "And you are?"

"Ian McGinty, ma'am. I'm her boyfriend."

Oh.

"Your father didn't tell me you have a boyfriend," Linda spoke slowly.

"Because he doesn't know everything. And my name is still Remy."

"Ethan and I are gonna go now," India said, her voice still lower, still more southern than normal. "Text me when you're done, we'll go get ice cream?"

"...sure."

And then she leaned down and said, in the voice Remy grew to know and absolutely adore, "we're going to talk about this. Don't worry, I got your back."

And then she was gone.

"So a boyfriend, huh?"

"...so how many men have you fucked before meeting Stephen, Linda?"

—

"I'm so sorry about your mom, baby."

India's brother, Ethan, looked nothing like her. Well, he looked like a more manly, less boyish version of ‘manly' India, but also nothing alike. He also didn't talk much. So that was fun.

India took them to get ice cream indeed. (And much like her music taste, her favorite ice cream flavors - burnt caramel and earl grey - were rather… interesting. But she did swear that Toscanini's was probably the best ice cream in Cambridge, and who was Remy to argue with her?)

"It's alright. She's always been like this."

"Doesn't make it alright." Ethan grunted in agreement. "Take it from me, Remy. It's never alright."

"Does he have an Esther?"

India's eyes rolled so far back. "Do you think that every trans person have to have an Esther, Ethan? Do you truly think it's how we realize our identity?"

"It's how you did yours."

"I knew I'm a girl since the moment I understood who I am. Any related accidents after that are purely incidental."

"India, I think I fucked up." She looked up at him from her half-melted ice cream cup. "I told you about Emile, right?"

"You're still stuck on that?" Remy nodded. "Look… that kid told you he forgives you. You saw him in class since then, he didn't say anything to you… you're doing fine, sweetie."

"Is that his real boyfriend?"

"Ethan, shut the fuck up or I'll call mom. Remy…" India turned to play with his hair.

Yeah, it was very calming.

"He sounds like a very sweet kid. Trust me, there's no way you fucked anything up. You'll be okay. You'll get to hang out with him again, and it will be okay. Now eat your ice cream, you have the best ice cream, and then we're going back to your dorm and we're going to watch Priscilla. Or Hedwig. Whatever suits your fancy, okay?"

"...okay."

"Now, let's talk more about your mom and why it isn't okay that she treats you like that."

And for a bit, everything just seemed alright. Well, almost.

#kylo cant write #sanders sides #remy/sleep #emile picani #keep him safe #sleep is for the weak #the remy centric prequel #tw: period appropriate transphobia #tw: panic attack

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lovelylogans · 7 years ago

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do not reblog

my best friend once (lovingly) described attempting to have a conversation about emotions with me was like pulling teeth.

so, ya know. this is gonna be awkward. i’m not good with emotions. fun fact, one of my early childhood memories of my parents trying to Teach Me Stuff (which was kinda rare to be so overt) was my mom saying she was upset, and asking me how i handled it. and i just said “i don’t talk about it! that makes me feel better!” so it’s been in progress like. a while.

i don’t even know if i’ll post this. or post it and then immediately delete it. which i’ve done on here before, so. we’ll see.

i have anxiety. not traditionally, classically diagnosed, but two out of two doctors i’ve asked about symptoms of what i’ve called “the chest thing” during the past two years have said “that sounds like anxiety,” so that’s. that. set right out there. i don’t want to blame everything i say on the fact that i have anxiety, but it is a factor.

let me put this out there: i never expected to become a “big blog.”

like. the fact that i hit 500, let alone 2,000 followers is just bizarre to me. i realize i’m not, like, the biggest blog out there, but this is still. entirely unexpected. like i’ve had a couple blogs over the years, and the most i’ve ever hit was about 350 after three years, on a blog that’s now defunct. i figured i may as well post a few moodboards a day or so after i made the blog, joined a couple discords because some blogs were reblogging invite links.

i just kinda kicked out a fic, figured i may as well make a blog, and maybe i’d write a few cool stories and get some comments and mess around on photoshop a bit. i’d heard about how friendly people in this fandom were, so i hoped, maybe, i’d get a friend, too.

i hopped onto tumblr to see that i’d gotten a message (a rare occurrence!) my follower count had boosted by forty, and my activity just absolutely skyrocketed.

thomas had reblogged not one but two of my moodboards.

i posted a christmas fic. i got on tumblr a few days later to see it’d been nominated for best fic of the year.

i think a solid mood for both of those events was what the fuck.

again. didn’t expect to be a big blog. didn’t expect any of it. and to me it was just... crazy. i’d really only written for huge fandoms (like, harry potter, doctor who, the 100, etc.) or tiny ones where it was me, one of my best friends, two other people, and a napkin. like. no in between. sanders sides was my first in between in a long, long time. i didn’t expect people to be asking about my taglist, i didn’t expect people to hop in my askbox, i didn’t expect people to ask about if i took prompts and i certainly didn’t expect to have upwards of twenty prompt fics. i didn’t expect people to tell me that i intimidated them, or that i had an audience, or to placed upon a pedestal (which. please no.) none of it was expected.

this is where the anxiety part kinda comes in.

i’ve written upwards of about twenty-five-ish fics for this fandom, nearing 100k words, which was a huge deal for me. still is. i’d been struggling with writer’s block, idea block, creativity block, what have you, for nearly two years. the fact that i could connect with these characters, come up with ideas (or get prompts to kickstart those ideas) was big to me. finally, i thought, i can reaccess this skill to get out how i’m feeling, to relax, to fill up my day by doing something semi-productive. and you guys liked them, too. which was, still is, such a gift, and i’m so grateful for it.

and, well, a bit of a thing. i’m going through some... other stuff, to put it in the vaguest terms possible, over the past life few months, something that i try and channel into my writing, something i try and keep my mind off of, see bad at emotions paragraph above.

there was a week, a few months back, where i was going through some of that stuff, where it was busy for school, and i was just not in the best place. i posted a fic, and figured i’d get some response to get my mind off it.

i didn’t.

i freaked the fuck out.

looking back, i absolutely see how i blew it out of proportion; everyone has their ups and downs with responses, and you guys are not at all obligated to respond and i shouldn’t feel like you have to, and it turned out fine anyway. you guys aren’t obligated to cater to my mindset; you should consume what you want to consume.

i know all that. i knew all that. and yet.

i sent a few messages to one of my best friends, at the time of the freakout, despairing about how i was a failure and no one would ever love my work, and a few other things, i forget. anxiety-fueled thinking, you get it.

dude, she sent me back, you realize you’re spiraling, right?

i grabbed my coat, put on some boots, and went for a two mile walk in the near-freezing rain at about midnight on a weekday. it helped calm me down. i got some of that schoolwork done. it helped calm me down. i realized how much i’d freaked out, realized part of it was anxiety fueled, and put away those emotions for later. again, see emotions disclaimer above. but they kept popping up, whenever a fic or post did slightly worse than my usual standards. (and also, hey, quick question, self, when did i get standards for posts? when did i become such a perfectionist, and can i please apply that to schoolwork???)

i know the idea of creation should be for the sake of creation, not for the response and appreciation you might get. it should be an entirely selfish thing, and i should be happy to put out a story that i’m proud of.

i. know. this.

so why do i keep looking at the notes, as if that’s the thing that matters here? why do i keep looking at other content creators, other bloggers, even, and comparing what i have to what they have? when did my thoughts turn from that’s such a cool concept! or that’s such a cute ask and response thing! to why don’t i have that? why didn’t i do that? why do i keep trying to find my worth by following the numbers of my own work? why do i think about posting something like this and feeling like it would be complaining and whining and whatever response i’d get would be disingenuous, but i look at others doing something similar and feel nothing but support and hoping that they feel better soon?

it started to feel like every little thing was irking me. i was starting to think meanly. i hate being mean, even thinking things that could be considered rude. i’d grit my teeth and roll my eyes at any ~fandom discourse,~ i’d scroll quickly by anything that i didn’t like in the slightest, i wasn’t having fun anymore. well, maybe i was, but a lot less than i did before. i felt... angry, basically. annoyed, frustrated, whichever. i was starting to fixate, and i knew i was starting to fixate. but it was on things i didn’t want to fixate on.

i was watching a video recently, and they said something along the lines of the people who only watch the numbers, they’re just unhappy. my first thought upon hearing that was well, yeah. but how do i fix it?

the answer is, i don’t really know. really mostly it’s just... taking a step back to figure that out. there’s no easy fix for what’s going in my life atm. so we’ll see how that goes. i’ll start putting stuff in queue, fanart and gifs and text posts and the like, but posting to a lesser extent than i was before. i’m probably gonna work mostly on big bang, but maybe a couple of littler fics will pop out of the framework, when i’m ready, when i have an idea and the drive.

i still love to write. i really love these characters. i love where the plot of sanders sides is going, as well as thomas’ other content. fanders have been nothing but supportive for me. i’m excited for the works i have planned, and i want my response to them being posted as an it’s up! i’m proud of myself for getting this done! i think i executed this idea to the best of my ability and i have grown as a writer! rather than it’s up! i want positive feedback nOW! if it gets less than x notes then i am a failure and this was a horrible idea!

i wanted to close this one out by saying this is, entirely, a me situation. do not feel guilty for not consuming/enjoying/reblogging/commenting on my work. that is your choice. no matter how entitled a creator might feel to it, it is your choice. sure, it would be nice, as i’m sure most authors would agree! but it is NOT anyone’s fault that i’m feeling this way. it’s my brain and my head and my weird emotions. you guys did nothing wrong. it’s just something that some creators struggle with, and apparently now it’s my turn.

i’m not blaming anyone (other than myself) and i don’t want it to sound like i am. you guys are fantastic, truly and really wonderful, and i want to be sure that i can provide fun things for you guys (again, that you have the choice to consume or not!) while enjoying myself too!

again, please, do not reblog.

also, uh, this is going up hopefully by the time i’m asleep so i don’t chicken out and delete it, so, you know.

#my post #text #not ts #uhh #anxiety stuff tw #i talk about how i'm struggling with some fandom stuff #so if that's a topic you want to avoid please avoid it! take care of yourself!#do not reblog #long post

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livenarrator · 7 years ago

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I have been tagged by @zerogettie, so apparently I continue to succeed at tricking people into thinking I'm interesting?!? Here we go!

Nicknames: I go by TB or just livenarrator (it's kind of a nickname anyway).

Gender: F

Star Sign: Crab 🦀

Height: 158cm or 5'2"

Time: 8:10 pm

Birthday: Yes

Favourite Bands: oh man. Ugh. Ok. I'm limiting myself to 5. And they are: Marianas Trench, Pentatonix, Temper Trap, The Killers, and fun. Oh and MisterWives. Wait, Superfruit! Okay I'm limiting myself to 7. Oh man that was hard.

Favourite Solo Artists: dodie, Betty Who, Ed Sheeran, Vance Joy, James Bay, P!nk, Hozier, Passenger, Troye Sivan *door begins shutting on my face* Tim Minchin, Benny *listener deadbolts door, my voice trails off into a faint echo* did I say Mary Lambert yet? *blinds are lowered*

Song Stuck in my Head: 'This Means War' by Marianas Trench, although 'song' is a bit of a stretch - it's one line of the chorus and I've been singing it for seven weeks please help.

Last Movie: Coco. I cried. I'm also currently spamming everyone with fanart. I'm not sorry.

Last TV Show: either Broadchurch or The Ancient Magus Bride - I don't remember which was last?

Why did I create this blog: I started watching Yuri on Ice and wanted to stalk all the pretty anime fanart. Not even joking. The Fanders adopted me and here we are.

What I post/reblog: Post? Post. Oh Post! - hahahahha yeah, in 12 months I think this is my third or fourth post?? So I post nothing. Reblog - hoo boy, okay, buckle in lads....YouTube stuff (dodie/doddleoddle, kickthepj, phanart, tsart/sanders sides art, sanders sides fic by the amazing talented fanders I follow), anime art, b99, Dirk Gently, Undertale, lgbtqia+ positivity, pretty arts/aesthetics, inspiring stories....it's a hot mess and I love it.

Last thing googled: Daily Hearings List for the Magistrates' Court.

Other Blogs: hahahaha yeah I think not. Mash everything all together always.

Why the URL: I like to keep things simple and this was already my YouTube and it was available so *shrugs*. I thought I was edgy when I was fifteen and this seemed soooo cool.

I follow: fanders blogs (writing/art), a few other youtube/phanart blogs, funny blogs, anime art blogs, artists on tumblr, and a few top quality mutuals.

Followers: 24 amazing beans, plus another 22 blocked pornbots.

Lucky number: I don't really have one? I like 8 does that count? And I like square numbers quite a lot.

Instruments: I play a mean saxophone. And by mean I mean that it is cruel to those who have to listen to me.

What are you wearing: dressed for work so high-waisted cream linen pants with a blue and pink floral design, cream blouse tucked in, and low strappy heels.

Dream Job: I do quite like my current job, but I'd love to help draft/edit legislation OR travel writer (but not for shiny plasticy hotels/spas. For authentic weird cool places. Like Queens).

Dream Trip: South America. I know I've said this before but I've ACTUALLY STARTED PLANNING you guys! I've got a travel buddy and everything.

Favourite Food: Potato

Favourite Song: Un Poco Loco from Coco, and not just because it's so heckin fun to say.

Last Book Read: I am currently simul-reading 'Turtles All the Way Down' by John Green and 'We Were Liars' by E Lockhart. Nearly done with both though so if you've recommendations hmu.

Aaaaand I think everyone here has been pestered by me enough. But if you wanna jump on board please do

#tag #its all about me #i was kidding about the saxophone by the way #im actually fairly good #when i practice #i dont know why i said queens #it made me laugh when i wrote it #anywho shutting up now #tbbabbles

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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years ago

Text

Ivity and Anx: part thirteen

Summary: Patton has an internal struggle. Since he is bent on not remidying it himself, Roman gives him a way to solve the problem.

Warnings: abandonment issues, crying, self-depreciating thoughts, lowkey guilt tripping, pondering on thoughts, song writing

Word Count: 2708

Paring: Slowburn Prinxiety

A/N: I love how vauge I can make my summarys, okay? But. This is it. This is where things get interesting. Sort of. Sorry for the long wait again! I now have chapters written and planned out, so there won’t be a long wait again. Enjoy! (Taglist under the cut)

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @gay-girls-do-it-better @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @littlelogicstillcounts

The most practical next step of action was simple. Patton understood that. It was very easy to understand, but for the most idiotic reason, he couldn't. It wasn’t logical at all, but then again, logic was never his department. It was always Logan’s, and Logan was the problem. Not him himself, but he was heavily involved. The real culprit was time and education, although it was bad to blame anyone for the current situation. Patton liked to place blame, whether it be on himself or something else, because then who was right and who was wrong could be clear. In this situation, though, no one was at fault, so maybe that was the very problem.

Another sinking feeling in Patton’s chest made him open his mouth ajar, almost gasping for a breath. The sensation twisted itself into his gut, prompting Patton to screw his eyes shut, clench his jaw, and shake his hand. No, the problem wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t cut and dry. It was Patton, sitting criss cross on the floor of his bedroom in the dark with his phone in his hands, lit up, with his thumb hovering over Logan’s contact.

Patton felt a prick of pressure begin to build behind his eyes, the pressure traveling into his sinuses and making his nostrils flare. He didn’t want to cry, but here he was with his phone screen blurring. It was silly, really. Logan had only been gone for a few months or so, but the contact that the younger had with him tapered off into something nonexistent. The sinking feeling reared its ugly head once again, this time traveling farther into his throat instead of his stomach.

He really needed to get a grip on himself, considering that as he had this thought, his sleeved hand moved to his mouth to cover a sob. Patton was not good with change, nor was he good with people leaving him. The therapists called this “abandonment issues,” but Patton’s negative thoughts just told him he was insufferably clingy. That’s why he had let his and Logan’s texting routine die. He didn’t want to be a bother. Like Patton had thought before the waterworks started, this all could be stopped by sending a simple text. It was currently early morning where Logan was living in his dream collage, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Logan was such an early bird, always sending “Good morning, Patton. Was your sleeping satisfactory?” texts at 8:30 a.m. on the dot. The thought of those texts and the conversations sprung from them made a smile come to Patton’s face.

They would talk about how they slept after that: how many hours, if it was deep sleep or not, and if either had any dreams. Logan never had dreams, but he loved to hear about what crazy dreams Patton had during the night. The younger always loved those conversations, mostly because he loved to baffle the older. Patton thrived off of the confusion, having laugh attacks frequently. When he tried, Logan was absolutely hilarious. That wasn’t even mentioning how endering his fun facts were, nor was that statement saying how adorable Logan got when he was passionate about something. Patton let himself give a bittersweet smile between the heavy breathing that came with crying.

Patton didn’t know why he was reacting in such an extreme way. It wasn’t like he was dead, or like he didn’t have the power to text him at any moment. The problem, though, that was still very present was the fact that it was extremely hard for Patton to reach out first. He felt too clingy when he did that. It was the actual, real problem here. Not Logan, not time and education, not no one being at fault, and not even Patton fully. No, the problem was not talking to Logan anymore, and it was ripping a hole in Patton’s chest. It hurt the younger more than he could imagine because in the end, he knew Logan would leave eventually along with everyone else. Except Roman, apparently.

An incoming text shook Patton out of his mind spiraling down into the deepest, needist part of his mind. He blinked a few times, trying to get the remaining tears to get out of his eyes. At the same time, he furiously wiped the tears away with his sleeve. He sniffed, pulling down the notification window on his Android phone. He and Logan always had that in common, while their friends had iPhones.

Prince Roman: Padre? You good? You didn’t respond and I know how you worry

Pappy Padre Patton: I’m diddly darn dandy!!!!!

Prince Roman: You know I know that 5 exclamation points means a cry for help What is wrong, mi hermano más cercano?

Pappy Padre Patton: Logan and I haven’t talked in a few days

Patton was already feeling a bit lighter, now that he was starting to talk about his issue. Roman knew full well his “abandonment issues” that sprouted from being in the foster system, so he was probably going to pick up on his current conundrum fairly quickly. A small smile presented itself again on Patton’s lips when he did a quick translation of what Roman said in his head. My closest brother. His friend was such a sap, but the younger absolutely loved it.

Prince Roman: Text him!! If you don’t, I’ll give you a reason to text him

At that comment, Patton got very confused very quickly. What was Roman going to do, kick him out of his life? Do something so stupid that even Patton needed help on how to tell him he was wrong? There was so many possibilities and ways that the sentence Roman just sent could go, so Patton decided in about 0.001 seconds that it would be best to ask.

Pappy Padre Patton: What do you mean??

Prince Roman: I’ll write an angsty song and post it Without asking the label

Pappy Padre Patton: Roman!! That could get you into serious trouble! Think about the contract! You already follow it to a T. They are already waiting for a chance to reprimand you so no! Do not!

Prince Roman: I won’t if you talk to Logan

Roman was a dirty, dirty negotiator. He never tried to compromise with people he didn't know, just for the reason that he didn’t have leverage on them yet. He would find what his friend is most worried for him about, then use it to his advantage to get something he wanted. Luckily, the usually chivalrous boy did not use these powers for evil, but only used them to motivate people into doing something that they should be doing. Most of the time, that is.

Pappy Padre Patton: Fiiiiiiiiine You are a dirty negotiator

Prince Roman: You know you love me

Pappy Padre Patton: Te amo hermano always!

Patton smiled softly to himself, silently hoping that he didn’t mess up the translation of saying ‘i love you, brother.’

Prince Roman: That makes me happy Now make me happier by texting your Logan?

Pappy Padre Patton: Ok ok I def will!

And then he didn’t. Roman knew for a fact that his friend didn’t talk to Logan after their conversation, because there was a very specific series of events that happened after the two talk. It would start with Patton sended Roman many exclamation marks, then would turn into an explanation of the punctuation. Usually it would be something cute that Logan said, but sometimes it would be because Patton said something odd himself. Then the younger would go into the conversation in more detail, highlighting the cutest moments and becoming very flustered when Roman would ask questions about his feelings. It was routine, and Patton was not one to stray from routine since he started talking to Logan.

That was why as the sun started to get low in the sky, Roman got his guitar from it’s holder and his writing notebook from his desk. He splayed them out on the floor, sat down, thanked whatever was out there that his moms weren’t home, and began to brainstorm for a song. Brainstorm meant a very specific thing for Roman, as he was finding out. He was sit criss cross on the floor, his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He would string his hands through his hair, rarely pulling on it when he got upset enough with this odd part of his creative process. He would collect his thoughts, focus on what he was feeling, and then go and do one of two things. The first would be to go through his notebook and see if there was any one liners or small sections of lyrics that he could expand on. If none of these felt correct to do in the moment, then he would ponder some more and write something completely from scratch. Latter options rarely happened.

Roman was feeling frustrated, to say the least. He wanted to talk to someone about anything, but he knew that Patton was off the grid for the moment. Anytime that boy faced a problem with texting someone, he turned off his phone and hid it under his many pillows. Patton was the soul person that he could talk to about these kinds of emotions anymore, considering that Anxiety had completely shut him out. Anxiety was honestly the main reasons for most of these emotions. Roman was sad that he was gone, mad at himself for all that he said to Virgil, and just generally frustrated with the whole situation. It would have been so much easier if he never signed up for the Sarrahs Project, but then he would have missed out on the amazing late night conversations that he and Anxiety had. Now that those were over, there was a empty spot in his chest that was waiting to be filled by confiding in Anx again.

It wasn’t fair that Roman had been lead astray to ridicule Virgil and make him feel like he had to be someone he wasn’t. Then again, Roman felt that way a lot of the time too. That’s why Anx and Ivity worked so well together, but it’s also why it hurt so much to not have each other around anymore. Roman wished that he could tell Virgil all of this, and just unload all of the truth onto him, but he understood that the other wanted distance. It was hard to put the pride that Roman always wore as Princey aside and let Virgil see that Ivity wasn’t a lie. That none of it ever was any kind of fabrication.

Roman breathed deeply, taking his hands out of his hair and looking down at his notebook. With all his feelings and emotions inside sorted, he could now try and sort through the one liners he already had written in his book. Rough, calloused fingers reached out for the leather notebook, ready to search to his heart’s content. He unbound the elastic holding the large and old book together, beginning to search through its yellowing pages for the lyric to make the next Princey single. Most of what he passed used too many masculine pronouns, but he passed those for a reason. Some name-dropped Virgil, and Anxiety, so those were also a line to stay away from. After pages upon pages of searching, Roman finally came to a halt.

“Can you be psychic for me? Please? That would make this easier on both of us.”

As soon as he saw the lyric, a million different words and emotions flooded through his head. Roman stared at the words for several more seconds, trying to process the sudden influx of ideas. It was rare that he had this many ideas at once, and even rarer so that they were all about mostly the same thing. Roman grabbed a water bottle that was sitting nearby, chugging half of the available liquid before grabbing his pencil. Upon further inspection on the page, there was also a few gems like “If you were in my mind, some scary things you would find (yes that rhymes score)” and “If only 2x or 4x (or something x).”

After Roman got all of the lyrics squared away, he put the book down flat in front of him. It was always easier to start out with lyrics, then add a chord progression, then work out the melody. At least, it was to Roman. Some would disagree, but they weren’t the ones writing songs all by themself getting into the Top 20 Hits. Momentary peddiness aside, Roman now had his ‘67 C-O-Classic Gibson guitar resting on his leg. He took a moment to run his left hand up and down the neck, then his right over the face of the body of the guitar. It was his grandfather’s guitar, the one he learned to play on by the same man before he died. The label tried to get him to play a different guitar, a newer one with “better sound,” but he couldn’t give up the sentimental value of this one. Especially with the emotion fueled lyrics of this one, Roman needed a guitar that he knew better than the back of his hand. Roman knew and understood this guitar better than he understood himself, and playing it brought emotions he harbored to the surface for him to handle. This guitar had gotten him through a lot, and it would get him through this night as well.

Roman started out with strumming a few simple chords, changing the order of three different ones, adding a fourth, removing two, and just generally playing around with chords until he found a good sound. Eventually, after he started fiddling with a good picking pattern, he narrowed it down to three combinations. While playing the different options, he sang the “If only” bridge that he wrote into the song. He tested the waters with a few different tunes and combinations for a while. Before he could comprehend it, the sun was set and he had a solid picking pattern and chord progression. He could hear his grandfather saying that technically the chords weren’t actually chords because he wasn’t playing all of the strings. A sentimental smile tugged on Roman’s expression of concentration, but he shook it away quickly in favor of attempting to sing over the song.

Surprisingly, Roman was able to get through the song he just wrote with few complications. He stumbled a few times, and stuttered on the lyrics occasionally, but it was overall a good first try. After, he tried again, making the wobbly parts in singing more and more stable. He was proud of himself for that, as sometimes there could be parts where he couldn’t get down until the fifth or sixth try. Luckily for Roman as of right now, the song which he was mentally calling Physic was an easy one to play and sing. Roman never said that the song he would be posting was a difficult one, but then again, he didn’t realise that it would be this emotionally powered.

As Roman placed his guitar steadily on the ground again, he pondered what the lyrics actually meant. While he attempted to balance himself on numb jelly legs, he went line by line and evaluated what he meant by each. It was clear to him as he grabbed his camera equipment that this song was obviously about Virgil. It was so clear that it was painful. There wasn’t any cleverly masked words or heavy emotions only hinted at in a word or two. This song was putting himself out in the open, bare and stripped of all the fancy editing that the studio does. This song would be a plea for help, a cry for someone to come and tell him that everything will be alright. It was a question, a desperate ask for Virgil to let him explain. If the dark and lovely one didn’t let him after this, then maybe all that time with Anx actually was a waste. And Roman desperately didn’t want it to be.

The Prince set up the camera and it’s microphone quickly and experienced, ready to make the worst–or best–decision of his lifetime.

next part

#fail’s writing #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #ivity and anx #patton angst #i guess?#uhhhh anything else?#logan is at collage now my dudes #its the summer #i did that time jump #i think it was pretty smooth #so yeah thats a thing

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