#I mean we still get the urge to isolate sometimes but we end up going ''no that's unhealthy'' and trying to be more social instead

[thethingything]

okay I took painkillers an hour ago so I'm a little out of it but I just realised after how bad this month hit us with various stuff and how bad our depression's been, we have managed to start getting back on track with stuff:

changed our bedding (which was a big task we hadn't had the energy for in a while)

started getting the motivation to draw again

caught up on a bunch of journaling over the last few days

cleared off part of our desk

joined a party on Habitica which seems to be helping with getting the motivation to do stuff again

started getting back into language learning a bit more (we've kept up with it but only like, the bare minimum)

and probably other stuff I'm forgetting...

but anyway like, our mental health is still kinda fucked, but we're at least doing things, and that little burst of starting to do more after struggling to keep up with anything is usually a good sign for us

[strangelittlestories]

Here in the end times, it feels like everyone got a little weird.

That'll happen, you know? In a city of bondage rooftop pirates, predatory psychic business suits, and tacticool kindness cults; in a world where the sun's gone all high contrast, low brightness; in a time where isolation is a synonym for safety ... let's just say the 'Overton Window of Normality' has shifted.

Yep, when the light broke, we all got a bit strange.

All except for Simon, that is.

Simon is perfectly normal. Simon is swell. Simon still stops by Nero's for a coffee in the mornings and the Coffee Mafia *serve him* (I think just out of confusion).

Simon goes into his co-working space three days a week. Sometimes he works on his screenplay. Other times he goes through long-dead databases and de-duplicates records. If you ask him why, he'll just say that he gets tired of working from home all the time and needs a change of scenery.

Simon keeps a spreadsheet to track the good places for salvage in London-in-Darkness. He has different tabs for foodstuffs, fuel, clothes, makeshift weaponry, and a dozen other useful categories. He sorts them according to quality, abundance, known predators, level of contrast corruption, and convenience for his commute. Ask him to show you his v-lookups sometime.

If you haunt the high buildings like I do, then you'll see him sometimes, scuttling about in his scruffy converse, jeans and hoodie. If he sees you see him, he'll wave.

It's not that the various predators, gangs and high-contrast memetic hazards avoid him, exactly. They continue their usual routes; their patterns of search, destroy and throw-a-wobbly. But somehow they just ... miss him. He'll be overlooked or have a miraculous lucky escape. Occasionally, he'll get captured for a few days and spend the time working on his yoga routine, before the next localised burst of spectrum distortion gives him a chance to scarper.

You might be tempted, if you run across him, to join Simon.

You might hear him say things like: "Why don't we pool our resources" or "Let's catch up sometime" or "I've set up a mini golf course in the Tate Modern, if you fancy it" or "Do you want to listen to some Bruno Mars? I think I have one of the last unscratched CDs."

I urge you: do not listen to him.

He means you no ill will. Simon is *normal* and *nice*.

But nice is not kind. Normal is not benevolent. And sometimes, people overlook that the world will hurt those less lucky than them without really thinking about it. And it is *normal* to protect yourself in that way. It is *nice* to gloss over difficult things.

Simon lives a live that is orthogonal to the rest of us. His plane of existence is ever so slightly out of sync.

Yours isn't.

He is a last unchanging remnant of a world that was.

You aren't.

If you meet him, you will want to follow him. His is a world of order and predictability, of self-care days and flexi-time, of secret film screenings and hidden menus in bougie coffee shops. You will be enchanted by the way he talks about getting plenty of natural light, the way he complains about his commute, and how he still tips twelve percent.

But I beg you: do not heed his Simon song. For it is the song of Bruno Mars and you will be dashed on the funk rocks.

Don't go with him, the world that keeps him safe does not exist anymore.

And when I see Simon scuttling through the streets with a new friend, I am sometimes glad that it is gone.

[ilovehugslikealotalot]

I NEED CHRISTMAS THEMED REBECCA WELTON X READER

maybe one where there’s angst where Y/n is really close with Rebecca and the team so she spends lots of time at the club and Rebecca is trying really hard to Show y/n that she loves her but y/n is completely oblivious, Rebecca spills to Keeley how much she loves y/n and Keeley tells y/n abt and surprises Rebecca or something.

you can alter things so it makes sense! ☺️

Make Your Wish Come True

Rebecca Welton x Fem!reader

(not my gif)

WARNING: MINORS DNI, cliffhanger ending?

❝ She’s showed me what love was supposed to be. I find my heart so full of her I can hardly call it my own❞

-Rebecca Welton

~~✿ஜீ۞ஜீ✿•.¸¸.•*•.•ஜீ☼۞☼ஜீ•.•*•.¸¸.•✿ஜீ۞ஜீ✿~~

“You know, I really don’t think she fancies me. I really just don’t seem her type, Keels” Y/n says, unconvinced of even the slightest possibility. “Oh come on! She totally fancies you!”

Keeley had known y/n since their middle school years. They’d always get into some chaos wherever they’d go, sometimes, (which means all the time) Keeley would be the one always in isolation for taking the pranks a bit too extravagant. One time, Keeley and Y/n egged their neighbors house. But, a certain someone took it a step too far and toilet papered his car and dyed his dog key lime green.

A year ago, Rebecca had met y/n whenever they had run into each other in the hallways of the FC. Of course, since Rebecca is Rebecca she was always quite professional, and with y/n being clumsy and always getting herself, sometimes others, injured with her recklessness.

Y/n was in a rush to get to Keeley on a particular Saturday, hearing heels clicking in the distance, y/n paid no mind, focusing entirely on her phone. “Y/n watch out!” A familiar voice shouted, but, before y/n could turn around her dance smashed into someone, someone tall, and blonde, and beautiful…

“Miss Y/l/n, I’d say to be careful, but we all know you’ll fall again,” Rebecca smiled, chuckling sweetly, making sure y/n didn’t trip and fall on the floor. Y/n freezes up slightly, but still manages to utter a coherent sentence. “Thank you, Becca,” The blonde woman nodded with the same charming smile and let go of y/n before walking off, a faint blush on her cheeks.

The two shorter women watched as Rebecca strutted away with her hips swaying perfectly as she went. “She wants you…”

“Not! I can only keep dreaming.” Y/n sighed dreamily staring at the mistletoe in the heavily decorated hallway. Ribbons and trees lined the tables, and festive lights seemed to burn your eyes.

“Maybe Santa can Make Your Wish Come True!” Keeley exclaimed, grabbing a Santa plushie off of her desk and squeaking it, causing the two to laugh.

——————————

Rebecca never thought she would find herself surrounded by the Ted’s little…friendship circle.

“So, uh, boss. What brings you here?” Ted smiles, his hands folder in his laugh. “Well..Uhm, I’m positive you all know y/n, correct?” Rebecca looks around, everyone nodding, listening intently. “I…I feel…strongly toward her,” she had worded it that way for a reason, she was quite unsure about this, the memories of her last relationship with Rupert still haunting her mind. “Strongly, how?” Nate asked, slightly squinting his eyes as if he knew what she was going to continue with, Rebecca sighed, “I like her, I really do” Higgins clapped his hands together, “I knew it!”

“Like or love?” Roy bluntly enjoined, the blonde stood there for a minute to finally admit to herself what she had register for long.

“Love.” She spoke barely above a whisper, Roy smirked, to tease Rebecca further he urged her to be louder, “Huh?”

“I said I love her! Okay?!”

That was they had needed. From that point forward, everybody in AFC Richmond knew about about Rebecca’s little plan. She gave y/n extravagant gifts, showered her in compliments, and flirted every chance she got. Yet, y/n and her infinite wisdom thought that Rebecca was being friendly. In all truth, the blonde was about to just come clean, so, to prepare herself, Rebecca goes on to tell Keeley about just how much she’s willing to go for y/n. Though, she might’ve already known.

At the little firm Keeley had been managing, Rebecca hastily made her way to her best-friend’s office. A state of panic washed over her, she really just didn’t know what to do, she’d never dated a woman so this was all knew to her. “Keeley?” The taller woman called, opening the door, “Becca! What’s this about, y/n? Did you finally snog her?”

Keeley was one to be quite blunt when it came to romantic questions. “No, sadly” Rebecca chuckled joylessly, tossing her bag on Keeley’s office couch. Keeley frowned, hating the look on Rebecca’s face, “Man, is she really that blind?” She joked, chuckling at Rebecca’s little smile, “why don’t you just tell her? She likes you, isn’t it obvious at this point?” Rebecca looked at up at her in disbelief, “you’re joking?” Keeley almost screamed, these two were a bunch of idiots. For a literal month, these two had been pining for each other, they’ve been flirting non-stop and yet they still don’t know if the other likes the other? Jesus Christ, they were going to be the death of her.

Rebecca jumped out of her seat and ran to her car, the snow falling gracefully as the cold hit her cheeks. Buttoning her jacket to keep warm, she dialed a certain someone’s phone number..

[writingforatwistedworld]

Oh, I would like to request!! Azul/Vil/Malleus- W, Q, K And one question…Cater is not part of the event? It's just that I didn't see it in the characters on the list for the event and I would like to know if it is part of it or not.

Oh Anon… seems like I forgot to add him in the masterlist (*gasp* shame on me!)

Thanks for asking! Now I can correct this.

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsession, possessiveness, imprisonment, implied stalking, death, murder, manipulation, unhealthy relationship

Azul Ashengrotto/Vil Schoenheit/Malleus Draconia-K, Q, W

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

So sweet it might rot your teeth

Azul doesn’t just want you to see him as someone nice

No, he wants you to like him

This leads sometimes to behavior that can be a bit… unsettling…

Does he want something from you? Have you done something wrong? What is it? WHAT IS IT??!

Two faced

Literally flips the switch when someone else interrupts your time together

It’s already bad enough when a student from another dorm has done that

But when it’s one of his own? Respect for our fallen brother

One second he is like “Oh goodness, how fascinating you did this!” and the next he is suppressing the urge to strangle someone

And he does it so well you don't notice

Even if it catches your attention that he behaves differently considering someone else he will just say that they stepped on his foot, making him look a bit angry

Isolating

You might have caught a whiff of it already but Azul doesn't like sharing

So even when he doesn't have the intention of manipulating you in mind he still does it

Oh? You want to meet up with that person? Well not anymore! Now he suddenly heard them talking badly about you behind your back

Before you know it you are all alone

Though, not entirely

Don't forget your only friend! Azul is always there for you

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Self-blaming

Was he so horrible and disgusting that you left?

Azul thinks all of It was his fault

And whilst his... “attentive” behavior most certainly did play a part there are still factors that also contributed to that

But it will leave it's marks on him

Azul will start to starve himself, thinking that if he didn't have control over you leaving he can at least control what he consumes

But it's everything but healthy

In case of death

He also blames himself

But unlike before his sadness isn't a silent kind

If you had just left but still were alive he expresses his anger and sadness silently, a shorter temper or him not being not as happy as he should be in certain situations

But with your death he can't even try to continue

Nights are spent crying under his blanket and during the days he doesn't care about the Lounge

It's a self-destructive path

But maybe he hopes somewhere deep down that he will see you again when the time comes for him

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Physically

I don't think he has it within himself to hurt someone physically

The worst he might do is due to him being so enraged that he doesn't have himself under control

So if you try to escape that means he could snap and break one or two of your legs

But if he gets violent then he will blame himself

No delusions, just him always apologizing

Mentally

Your mentalities safety is a completely different beast to tackle

You see, this time he doesn't even do it intentionally

It's just that he always has to manipulate the ones around him

And before we know I he suddenly does it without even wanting to

But it won't be too obvious

There are no threats, just subtle things that may seem harmless alone but build up to something bigger over time

Like “no. Don't go out. I heard the weather is supposed to be bad” to “no. Don't go out. They were talking behind your back” which also leads to “no. Don't go out. You only need me.”

Well at least you aren't a broken mess

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

So kind that you feel like he might try to poison you

Since you are our dear, dashing little player (mind sharing some of that gorgeousness?) you are familiar with how Vil should be

Emphasis on the “should be” because... who is this??! His evil twin turned nice??!

And wasn’t Vil also playing nice with Neige even though he hated him? Should you fear for your life?

But he didn’t mean to scare you with his behavior. Really!

It is just when you appeared, perfection themselves, he couldn’t hold back anymore

Didn’t he say once that he would like to treat you like a normal person since he understands how hard life can be for a famous person

And I don’t know about you but being considered in some places as a “God” definitely falls into my definition of famous so…

But he tries really hard to make you feel welcomed

Maybe a bit too much because before he knows you are suddenly trying to keep a distance

Was he rude in some way? Maybe he has to show you even more respect.

Always concerned about you

Why is there a scratch on your face??! Has someone hurt you?

Vil adores you on a level that should be impossible for anyone

But here we are, him acting like someone possessed when it’s about you

Doesn’t matter if you are in public but if there is a strand of hair out of place he will fuss over you

So you are either thankful about that or you are embarrassed

The choice is up to you but if you ever tell him that you don’t want that be prepared for him to look like a kicked puppy

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Loss of ambition

It’s no secret that Vil is ambition itself

So when you leave all of that suddenly disappears

Why did you decide to leave? Has he done something wrong?

Vil can take a lot. Whether it’s hate online or something not going according to plan

But you not being by his side anymore? Total breakdown

Even though he was always the one fussing over you he still became dependent on your presence

So be a dear and don’t leave, ok?

Otherwise, he will track you down and use not-so-nice means (most likely connected to his absolutely wonderful grades in alchemy)

In case of death

There was still a chance for him to get up again if you were to simply leave (although that would lead to him hunting you down)

But when you died there is no way to get you back

Suddenly there is no Vil Schoenheit anymore

There is just a small sad puddle simply existing

The only time when he feels even the slightest bit of happiness is when he dreams of you

If only he could stay in those dreams forever

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

In public

Vil is a wonder of self-control

Although, it is no surprise since he has to keep himself together

There are after all people watching his every step

So even if you could literally hear something in him rip, probably his threat-thin patience, he is still keeping calm

He just becomes silent and takes you back home

Don’t expect the same silence there though

In private

If Vil was Malleus then there would be a horrible storm outside

But instead, you can see him massaging the bridge of his nose, him holding himself back from hurting you in any way

He will not hurt you in any way that it would be visible

That doesn’t mean though that your mind will also be safe

There are certain potions and poisons which can lead to horrible hallucinations, leaving you in the end vulnerable enough to be reshaped by Vil

But he doesn’t mean you any harm! He just wants to help!

And if that help is changing you a bit so you can be your best self (belonging to him) then he will happily drown you in a sea of sickly sweet tasting liquids and hallucinations

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Honestly? Like a lost puppy

But to the sad version, rather like the absolutely adorable version that you just want to squeeze and cuddle and aww lemme pull on those cute cheeks

Is Malleus pushy? Yes. Is he invading your space? Absolutely! … but who could say no to these eyes (am I biased? Maybe. Maybe not)

Also, Malleus privileges

Do you want to play with his hair? Give him some time to kneel so you have better access. You want to pet those beautiful yet (most likely) capable of impaling pieces of keratin? Sure… just be careful, the more you get to the base the more sensitive you are

Also, if you ask if you can pet his tail he will jump from bashfulness (I hc that the thing is extremely sensitive. No “but”’s and “no”’s. I will fight you)

Secretly dangerous toward others

But alas, that beautiful facade is just for you

Malleus hates it when others take his attention away from him

So what better way to keep it than to scare everyone off?

Malleus is aware that others are afraid of him and whilst this is also making him very sad he also sees the benefits

That Heartslabyul student came a bit close, don’t you agree?

No need to worry. You won’t see him ever again

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Disappointed at himself

Oh uh…. Well… how do I describe the end of the world without making it seem too horrible?

Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a bit too much but the situation is bad anyways

You know sulking Malleus? Now take that and mix in a rather unhealthy dosage of disappointment

It’s already bad enough when he is dissatisfied with something he can turn his back on but himself? That isn’t something he can run away from

Imagine a huge storm, cold rain and just the atmosphere that people shouldn’t be staying on this island

But it’s ok. This is all his fault. A perfect being like you has its reason for leaving… LILIA GET MY GOD BACK!!!

Yeah, he can’t let go

But that is really the least of your worries

In case of your death

Denial

No way you died!

See? The lights are still on in Ramshackle! That means you are still there

Jokes on him but that was his magic subconsciously lighting up candles so that he has at least that tiny bit of hope

But once enough time passes (maybe a few years over the average human life span) he finally accepts it

That doesn’t mean it will be peaceful though

He blames himself, saying that it was all his fault

Even if it was something that he had no hand in he will blame himself

But if he was even the slightest bit involved in it he will lay down and sleep for a long time

Why is there a spindle in the corner of the… oh

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

A master at holding himself back

Malleus is aware that he could easily hurt you with just a smithereens of his abilities

So he holds himself back

Let us just hope that his self-control does not waver or I can see you without a head on that pretty little throat of yours

But if you ever were in a situation where he is angry enough which could lead to him hurting you he will lock you in your room

We all know that he is doing that out of selfish reasons be he argues that he needs some time for himself, without the danger of hurting you

Maybe in a week you will be out but expect a building that looks like it survived a war

Worst case scenario

Malleus hurt you

This can end in two ways

Either you are unlucky and suddenly you are haunting the walls of the castle

Or you somehow survived this force of nature and are now standing there with a smol scratch

If you don’t survive we can take a look at the letter above this one

If you do though… drama

My man just panics and if I say panics I mean panics

You will never see this in the game but panicking Malleus is doting Malleus

Even after everything is healed he will be very careful

This might lead to him locking you up because he is afraid that you could get hurt again

Yeah, there is no good ending to either scenario

[made-this-cause-why-not]

Quick rant about ATYD because, the slander just does not make sense to me. It's not a perfect fic and people are allowed to not like it but some of the reasons for people not liking it are just so weird to me. Like- people don't like it because Sirius is sexist.... Sirius is a teenage boy. Do the people that say that hang out with teenage boys IRL? They are sexist and sometimes racists, pieces of shit- especially around their guy friends or girl they think 'are cool with it'. Also, it was the 70's. Like, do people not realize that a white, rich (like fully out of touch with reality, Billionaire with money dating back to the 15th century Rich), SEVERLY TRAUMATIZED cis guy from the 70's would be a piece of shit as a child. Like, as Sirius got older he would grow to regret all the fucked up stuff he said an take the time to actually apologize and stuff but we never saw that because he was 21 when he was imprisoned. He never even left his frat boy era. And then I have seen others be mad because they made Dorcas white. This is a complaint I have only seen from white people and as a Black mauraders fan, it literally does not matter. Like- Dorcas meadows is a character mentioned less than five times in the entire series, with her race being nothing more than a token black person that J.K shoved in The Order to prove it wasn't all white and that the HP world has diversity. Her being made white changes nothing in the plot. People also say that wolfstar is toxic in it, like this isn't a fic about two deeply traumatized boys with no role models or healthy relationships or base their own off of, other than Effie and Fleamont which they don't meet until they are like 13. Like, of course they are going to be toxic and fucked up- their entire lives have been fucked up. The only valid critique I have seen is the fact that the G word is used to describe the wolf packs. Granted, I didn't know that was a slur until 2021 or so, it's still a fucked up term to use. But yeah, I feel like people often say it's a bad work, which is fine if you just don't vibe with it, but the reasoning for not liking it makes me pause a little because 'what?'.

Edit: Forgot to say this but people also hate the characterization of Mary because she is oversexualized, to which I say: so is Sirius. Like, they are both sooooo fucking slutty and sleep around a bunch, the fact that people only talk about Mary in this light can be attributed to one of two things. Either A: grasping at straws, or B: Putting the weight on Remus's narration. Him being inexperienced for alot of his time as hogwarts would allow for any kiss or hookup seem like the end of the world for in his eyes and by reading with the grain I can understand that- but even then don't slut shame the black women and not the Black. "but mary lost her virginity at 14"- people get their sexual urges right as they hit puberty. Teens are horny. In the 7th grade my middleschool took an all day trip that used to be over night until two students got caught fucking in a cabin. 13 year old 7th graders. I am not saying it is right to loose your virginity at such a young age but it isn't unheard of.

Edit 2: Last edit I swear, but I just saw some one's post saying they didn't like how remus having a learning disability was for shits and gigs or that he did drugs and joined a gang. Firstly, remus having a learning disability is a beautiful metaphor for his lycanthropy and class. He is studying along side his friends, completely confused and just playing along to not give anything away. It doubles onto how isolated Remus must have felt and his whole problem with opening up to others. Also, the fact that Remus had to push himself so hard academically just to get the same grades as his rich friends who coast by on their name and the fact that they have been learning latin and french from tutors since they could walk- I mean, it's just chef's kiss. And, do people not realize that people in the real world do drugs? That a lot of people struggle with addiction and are more prone to said struggle when they grow up in a shitty environment with out learning proper ways to cope with the traumatic events? Remus was in a gang because he was surrounded by people who were in a gang- people who understood him more than James or Sirius did.

Like, I know that I can't really say this because I am a legal adult ranting on tumblr, but all of the slander just makes me want to tell people to go outside. Make friends irl- not mutuals. Touch grass, hand out with people you age. Like yes atyd isn't perfect but it was very much accurate to how real people would have been in the 70's and I personally prefer that to the babygirl-ification of every male character in Harry Potter to the points where they are almost caricatures of themselves

[rin-and-jade]

Long explanation short; Was vulnerable online and mentioned due to my experiences with a dissociative disorder ((didn't say which one, but told people to go do their research for awareness)). I'm stepping back from social media for a while but will keep updates because I wanna make/sell things. I feel so exposed and mmm, disgusting?

I want to pour my soul out in this post but we gotta get to the point lol.

Are there exercises that anyone of y'all know that can help a system reassure ourselves it's okay, we're safe, and at the end of the day people's opinions are their own and that's fine. We can still be who we are? Fragmented or not? I tend not to look back what was recorded or written due to resistance - Ooo that's a good question too;Any exercises to support the resistance from within?

*I apologize if this is messy. It's been re-wrote more than a few times haha

You can absolutely pour your whole heart here right after we finish this part, i will listen to you with no judgement and support you!

--

For your assurance:

Your life is your own, and you know how you want to live it, especially as a system. Deciding what is right or wrong is up to you, not others. No one has the right to dictate how you should live, act, or present yourself as a system. At the end of the day, you can choose which opinions you agree with and which you don't because they are not inherently facts, just personal opinions.

Stay true to yourself, that's how you win.

For the resistance:

Well, this one is rather vague so i can't pinpoint what solution fits best. Would you mind coming back the second time with more details if i didn't get this one right?

Take a moment to ponder. People tend to avoid negative or uncomfortable feelings/situations, so before you work on it, understand where this feeling reluctance is coming from, and why.

Practice to accept. Its difficult to swallow some facts here and there sometimes, one example, would be receiving a diagnosis on your condition. While denying or ignoring it would help you for the short term, it might not for the long term. So, instead of expecting things to be just fine, or instead of running away due to being uncomfy, take in whatever you have recorded bit by bit instead of all at once, and do so without judgment or criticism. Take note how you feel too, remember to not force yourself.

Challenge your fear. Some are done out of habit, some are from coping mechanisms, whichever you have remember that some might not serve or help you as it was intended. For example: isolation can give you time alone to ponder on things, but relying too much on it only hinders important discussions from being held, as you seek solace, yet not ready to move to the next phase. Understand that you must fight what you are used to doing, in order to progress,, in this example would be reaching out and speak out to the person that you have trouble expressing and take too much time in thinking and preparing. So while no actual progress has been made from the issue from the case example, fighting the natural urge to stay alone is a progress of its own, which will aid you in your current issues. Apply this narrative to whatever you are having trouble with.

It's been vague so far, but i use this moment to good use by creating a solution that is applicable in most situations, it means this advice is flexible.

Let me know how it goes so far after doing this, too! I would love to assist you further next time, if not, then i hope this helps you for the long run and have a good timezone wherever you are now.

- j

[firsttarotreader]

Can you do a reading on Pedro's career, and where it will be in 10 years? Will it be still going strong? What kind of movie projects will he be looking into being a part of in the future? Would he like to write or direct a movie in the future?

Hello! Listen, Tarot doesn't go as far as 10 years in the future. lol Even if I did try to read for it, 10 years is a fucking long time and so much can happen and so much can change. The cards are supposed to be showing a near future, based on the current energies around the subject and it goes as far as 6 months ahead. I asked for a general view on his career in the near future, and I will write what the cards showed me, because sometimes you guys ask me some things that are unrealistic to expect to get from a reading. Like, what kind of projects will he be looking into being a part of in 10 years? Bro, there's no way to get that. 10 questions in the same ask also doesn't help because it confuses me, so I will kindly ask you with all the love to try and be more direct in your reading requests. Please and thank you! 💜

As for what the cards say about his career in the near future, the first pull was the 9 of Teacups reversed, 2 of Spears and Queen of Wands. Also keep in mind this reading is about his career only, not other aspects of his life. Well, 9 of Teacups reversed means he might be feeling like he's still not there. Something will not go fully the way he expected, and there will be this urge that he still wants more, he hasn't fully achieved all he wanted, he will still be going for more, like something is still incomplete in his career. 2 of Spears points to him feeling confused, having trouble deciding what projects he will take. He might be between two or more, but he will be feeling kind of uncertain about which ones would be the best for him and what to choose. He might be between several jobs at the same time and freaking out a little bit. lol However, Queen of Wands shows us this man can handle it. He will have lots of energy, fire energy, and he's gonna be at his best social moment, commanding and drawing attention everywhere he goes because he's a star and he's gonna be loved. He's gonna be fierce and determined to get where he wants to. You go for it, Pedro!

Then I did another pull and the cards were the 10 of Flowers, 6 of Hedgehogs and 7 of Flowers. You see, 10 of Flowers complements that energy of the 2 of Spears. He will be working his ass off, overwhelmed, carrying a lot of weight, with a bunch of projects, and honestly he should be careful with his back, because this card makes me think of too much pressure on it, emotionally and physically with all that work. He's gonna have a lot of responsibilities and he's gonna be stressed and exhausted about it all. 6 of Hedgehogs shows us he's gonna give it 100% of himself. He's ready to offer all he's got and he's not even thinking of what he's gonna get in return while he's doing it. It's like he wants more in his career but when he's working he's just giving it all no matter what happens. 7 of Flowers represents conflict, but a lot of internal conflict. He might end up in a battle with himself, facing challenges and needing to persevere, be strong, put up a fight and staying determined. We know he struggles with self-confidence in his work and this might it or part of it. Again, you got this, Pedro!

The last pull I did was 5 of Hedgehogs, 10 of Hedgehogs reversed and The Chariot. Okay, so 5 of Hedgehogs isn't a good omen. He might feel at loss, he might struggle at work, go through isolation periods, have problems in his projects, but he really should take care of his health. Once again this card points to the possibily of health problems, health deterioration, and back problems are a possibility. It's like he can't keep up and will feel "outside", kind of "behind". 10 of Hedgehogs reversed is also not a a good omen, especially after the 5 of Hedgehogs. It represents failure, instability, fleeting success or lack of success. So this could mean projects that don't do so well, things not working the way he expects them to work, or Pedro feeling like he "failed" in whatever he's doing. Maybe feeling like he didn't do a good enough work with this or that character in terms of acting. Anyway, The Chariot ends this pull reassuring us (and him) that he can work this out. He's doing everything right, he's in the right path to the success and accomplishments he wants from his career, he's strong willed and determined to get there and he's on his way. Don't back down, Pedro!

So there you go, his career in the next few months. Have confidence in yourself and take care of this back!! To the anon, I know it's not 100% what you asked, but this is what we got. lol! 😁

[feelingdeath]

Him

It's amazing how the world is so full of life and how you are in mine now. I am ebbing with feelings and this is so different than anything I have ever felt before.

Something changed yesterday, something inside of me. Something to do with the way I feel. I think I am in love. And yes I know I have said that before but that was my weaker side. The side that opened up and the side that felt too much and the side that formed attachments. This side was supposed to be the stone-cold wall I had built all around me to prevent getting hurt. To prevent having any feelings and emotions. It made me feel like I was strong by merely moving on.

But now my rock heart is in love. My fucking soul of granite actually feels for someone. I have never felt so nervous in my life before. It's so consuming. I love him differently than I loved him yesterday. I trust him? I feel so different. I would never tell morphi that noshu loves him, heh, I m scared you'll leave once you find out I can be hurt. I am at a loss for words.

I feel like that massive void I carried around with me since the beginning of time has now been filled. He made his home in me, he brought his blankets and his music and his scent and he snuggled inside that emptiness. For the first time in my life, I feel loved. I feel loved without condition, without prologues and epilogue, without the ifs and buts, without the constant uncertainty shudders, without the ghost of his past or heck the ghost of my past lurking on our heads, without the fear of breaking into a billion shards, without the feeling of being judged, without the million insecurities and trust issues that I seem to manifest in a vivid aura around me. You made my scars fade love, you make them look pretty, you make me feel so fucking loved.

Along with all the goodness and with all the glam of experiencing love comes pain (of course there's a pain). The urge to text him a million times to ask him if he still loves me. The urge to blockade everyone and everything that could possibly make him drift from me. The urge to give up everything and anything just for his happiness. The urge to never ever let him feel lonely even if that means spending all my time as long as I breathe for him, by him. The urge of thinking about every consequence of my actions that could affect our relationship. The urge to sob uncontrollably in his arms. The urge to break down right now, to break down, to break down and to break down.

He is asleep, I know he is sleeping, yet I feel skittish and panicky. What if he's avoiding me and is offline because he doesn't love me anymore? Since when have I become so terrified of lingering silences? I get how he feels now. Sheyu !! I get how you feel. When you told me you were scared I'll wake up tomorrow and fall out of love, I thought I was going wrong somewhere and I needed to make you feel loved better, but this is love meri jaan. I get it now, I see it. I feel so painfully petrified at the prospect of you plunging out of passion. I am scared that my overthinking and my doubting nature are going to leave you exhausted by the number of times I'll need reassurance that you love me and that you are mine. I'll learn to be better.

I think the tugging at my heart is also fueled by the fact that I do sometimes get really low, I end up saying things I don't mean, and I end up hurting everyone in my vicinity. The fact that the could-be-bpd splits of me could jeopardize us, disturbs me. I resort to the most subtle self-harm and isolation and self-depreciation to let it out of my system. But I know how bad that makes you feel. I have seen the terror in your eyes and in your voice when you ask me how bad it was this time, how badly I hurt myself. I never ever want to make you feel that way. I'll stop doing it for you. At least I'll try.

I love you. Saying "I love you" hits totally different now. I have said it 9 times since the morning, but you haven't seen it yet. We did stay up last night talking about our future till 2:30 AM and giggling about yellow walls. I love you. Fuck. You are my first love. [ⁱ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵃ ᵖᵃʳᵗ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵉ ˡᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵈ ᵗᵒᵒ, ⁴ ʸᵉᵃʳˢ ⁴ ᵐᵒⁿᵗʰˢ ᵃᵍᵒ. ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵃˡᶠ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵉ ᵈⁱᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵈᵃʸ ʷʰᵉⁿ ʰᵉ ᵈⁱᵈⁿ'ᵗ ᶠᵉᵉˡ ⁱᵗ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ʰᵃˡᶠ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵉ ᵈⁱᵉᵈ ¹ ʸᵉᵃʳ, ⁸ᵐᵒⁿᵗʰˢ ᵃᵍᵒ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ʰᵃᵖᵖᵉⁿᵉᵈ. ⁱ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈⁿ'ᵗ ˢᵃʸ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ᵃ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿ ʷʰᵒ ʰᵉ ⁱˢ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵖᵒⁱⁿᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷʰᵒˡᵉ ᵖᵃˢᵗ ˢⁱᵐᵖˡʸ ᵐᵃⁿⁱᶠᵉˢᵗᵉᵈ ⁱⁿᵗᵒ ᵃ ˢᵐᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒʳⁿᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ᵇʳᵃⁱⁿ ⁱ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃˡˡ ˡᵒʷⁿᵒˢʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗⁱᵐᵉ ⁱᵗ ᶜᵒᵐᵉˢ ᵘᵖ, ᵃⁿ ⁱʳʳᵉᵖᵃʳᵃᵇˡᵉ ᵘⁿʳᵉᶠᵘᵗᵉᵃᵇˡᵉ ᵖᵃⁱⁿ ᵗᵃᵏᵉˢ ᵒᵛᵉʳ ʷʰⁱᶜʰ ⁿᵘᵐᵇˢ ᵒⁿˡʸ ᵒⁿ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵗᵒᵘᶜʰ]. It's alright if i am not yours, but fuck sheyu, you are nosh's first love. Love. the L-O-V-E kind. fuck. fuck.

Fuck I love you so much.

[adickaboutspoons]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

you're the sweetest, @givefangapuppy !

Three Ships of All Time:

Ed/Stede: I mean, no question. They haunt my every hour. I love their love with all my might, mind, and soul. Because of them I'm writing for the first time in decades. Overly verbose meta! Fic of dubious quality! I'm all in, baby!

Clark Kent/Lex Luthor (Smallville): I can't not. I still think of these boys on the regular. True story - I turned in some CLex fanfic I had written with the names swapped for aliases for my final project for my senior creative writing seminar in English, because my prof was the kind of jackass who had "poet" listed as his specialty on his office door but couldn't recognize haikus when I submitted them earlier in the class, and I was damned if I was going to waste my time on something new for him instead of focusing on my senior thesis in psychology. I got As on both ;). Also, my wife and I met by writing CLex fan fic together. We will have been 20 years in March.

Juno Steel/Peter Nureyev (Penumbra Podcast): Hardboiled enby space detective with crippling insecurities that they mask with hypercompetency and witty quips? and their complicated homme-fatale master thief sometimes-lover? This show seriously ticks all my boxes.

First Ever Ship:

The Baroness/Destruo (G.I. Joe): I'd say this was a tie with my Lady J/Duke/Flint/Scarlett love-quadrangle, but I honestly don't remember whether that was in the text of the show, or just the shows I'd stage for myself with my brother's action figures. What can I say? I started shipping young. My 3rd grade teacher commented on one of my writing assignments that I should write soap operas when I grew up.

Last Song:

Burning by Alcazar. Sometimes a girl just wants to dance alone in her living room.

Last Film:

Free Guy. Guilty pleasure. Comfort movie.

Currently Reading:

Aunts Aren't Gentlemen by P.G. Wodehouse. Guilty pleasure. Comfort author. Wodehouse is my brain candy, my absolute fav. author (yes, I know I said 'House of Leaves' by Danielewski is my fav. book. I'm complicated), and I rarely go more than a few months without a re-read. This isn't one of my all-time faves, but it's delightful nonetheless and it's been awhile since I read it last. Bertie retires to the peace of a simple country living at the urgings of his doctor after coming down with a minor rash, but still manages to get himself tangled up in crime due to the machinations of his Aunt Dahlia and accidentally engaged to a local stunner against his will. Jeeves/Wooster would have made it into my OTP list above except Jeeves would never permit himself the liberty. :(

(Except, hear me out - "Jeeves and the Tie that Binds" was the American release of "Much Obliged, Jeeves", and is identical except for the ending, in which Jeeves reveals that he destroyed the pages enumerating Bertie's peccadillos from the Junior Ganymede club book - FOR WHICH HE COULD BE BLACKBALLED FROM THE CLUB -, because he doesn't want anyone but him to ever be Bertie's gentleman's personal gentleman but him, because there is a "tie that binds" them. I mean to say, really!)

Currently Watching:

The Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir. Look. I have a 10-year-old. He loved ladybugs as a toddler so we started watching the show together when he was wee based on the title alone. But it's actually SO GOOD. And the new season recently dropped on Disney +. I get to talk to my kid about how it's a metaphor for how bad actors in the world exploit feelings of fear and isolation to radicalize otherwise normal people to their destructive agendas? And how there's real heroics to be found in community organization and creative problem solving? And about issues of consent, both romantic and platonic?

But also I have OPINIONS and SHIPS, and I'm DYING to talk to someone who is NOT my child about how Nathalie just SLAMMED Gabriel face down on the kitchen counter and leaned over him to hiss in his ear about how he betrayed her and I am IN TO IT, but I will NOT go anywhere near the fandom because I don't need the drama of being in a kid-show fandom as a full-ass adult. Send help.

Currently Consuming:

Some cucumber/lemon-infused water.

Currently Craving:

I mean, other than another grown-ass person to indulge my not-kid-friendly thoughts about a superhero cartoon? Feeling pretty satiated, thanks!

Tagging:

If you're down for it, my v. dears - @nicnacsnonsense @tisziny @chocolatepot @the-orange-in-red-silk @wearfinethingsalltoowell @okayestokapi @asneakyfox @batsarebetterthanpeople @red-sky-in-mourning and anyone else who feels so inclined ;)

[ciaran-archive]

Sorry to pry but can you elaborate on the authenticity post and what you don’t like about Ender’s Game? I don’t mean this in an accusatory way btw I genuinely wanna hear you complain about it.

WHY YES I WOULD LOVE TO BITCH ABOUT ENDER'S GAME

my fatal flaw as a person is that i cannot stop thinking about ender's game . like this book lives in my head in a way that far better books i've read just don't and i think that's partly because it did so much to me.

i read it when i was, 13, i think? like. i was just kind of figuring out that i was queer, i was weirdly uncomfortably obsessed with m/m relationships, even the vaguest implication of lesbianism made me feel sick and awful, i was pretty depressed, i had very few friends, and i wasn't....in a good place at all.

and i read ender's game and it kind of maybe saved my life? it showed me that being alone and being lonely weren't inherently a death sentence. it allowed me something i still don't have a name for. ender and valentine and peter felt like facets of a reality i nearly had, and in their reflection i could be something more like myself. who knows where i would have been but for ender's game!

it also fucked me up so bad.

one of the core messages of ender's game - and of a lot of OSC's other work - is that you cannot be truly Original, and you can't Create Anything Worth Creating, if you derive from the work of others. to make something Really Great you must isolate all your creativity and not allow anything else to influence it or it will be tainted and suspect forever. like not in those words but in that essence, that was clearly one of the subtexts of the book.

the other core message is "it is necessary for adults to hurt children; it is irresponsibly stupid as a child, especially a clever child, to trust that adults will ever not hurt you" and combined with the valorized loneliness of the first message it kind of.......still messes me up? and one of the reasons it fucked me up was because i was so bad at adhering to its lessons.

and that's my problem with ender's game at the end of the day: it's like drinking nuclear waste water when you're dying of thirst. like yeah it'll save your life but it'll also teach you how to justify doing the worst things possible (to yourself and others) and i was damned lucky that fiction was my first outlet for those urges and justifications because good god i don't like thinking about what it would've been like directed at myself without any barriers! and it was pretty bad even so!

OSC is also wildly unreasonably and rabidly homophobic so there's, uh, that. To Deal With.

the thing about authenticity is that it doesn't really exist. there's no true self, only selves less articulated or entirely unacknowledged for whatever reasons. sometimes those selves aren't given form because they have nothing to do with us. but we exist in a constant state of becoming; we are built in relation to our surroundings, and we can never strive to be free of influence. isolation is its own form of torture.

there are no authentic cultures either, only arbitrary markers we place in our pasts to delineate the "real" from the "influences" like every culture isn't a snapshot of its moment in time. things are always changing and turning into something new. they rarely become more "themselves" because the idea that you can strip away everything an outsider gave you and still end up with something either real or worth having is....kind of sad, really? do you want to know the person you are without everyone you've ever loved?

it's one thing to talk about capitalism and the commodification of the self and cults of personality and another to act like the very act of articulating your identity in a series of labels/aesthetics/shiny online things inherently corrupts your "soul". this process exists offline also; we are always building ourself to be approved of or disapproved of or reacted to or ignored by the people around us.

but people get really bogged down in the idea of authenticity and the specter of a real self that can be accessed by jumping through various hoops (go offline! go on instagram! make a succulent garden! get a tiktok! buy this thing!). and then they start acting superior because they don't need the internet to feel like their "real self" - as a friend said, sounds like they have a surprising amount of ability to be their real self with parents and bosses and cops - like i'm sorry! some of us are queer and trans and autistic and can't access an offline social group! and even if i did i would prefer to be online a lot of the time: the internet is full of spaces where i'm safe and in control, and that's just harder irl. and my experiences aren't any less valuable than those of someone with different ones.

...anyway, that's on authenticity.

[ironwoman359]

This is probably not the best place to ask, but you’re also a Christian woman too. I was wondering what you thought about what the Bible says about women and how we must submit to husbands and some other stuff that has me (a potential ace) Christain woman kind of terrified. I would go to my church but social anxiety and my church is pretty conservative. I don’t want to think that we’re just second rate citizens with this. Um…that’s all. You don’t have to answer. Love your Tumblr. It’s one of the main ones I look at. Thanks for countless enjoyment!

— — —

(I’m responding on the submission and not the ask because the ask refused to post properly, I think it was too long for Tumblr’s fancy)

So I know you just asked for my thoughts and not a biblical interpretation lesson, but I didn’t spend 3 months writing an exegesis in college for me to never use those skills again, so buckle up for something of a long answer! (literally, this is almost 3 thousand words, so....sorry about that) *rubs hands together* The thing we need to take into consideration when reading the bible is Interpretation; any truly honest biblical scholar would tell you it is a mistake to take every word in the bible at its literal face value, ESPECIALLY since most of us are reading translations of scripture, not the original ancient hebrew/greek/aramaic/whatever else. So when interpreting scripture, we must consider these things:

Author (Who wrote it?)

Audience (Who was it written for?)

Context (What is written around it?)

So the verses you’re referencing are Ephesians 5:22-23, and in the NIV, they read as follows:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Isolated from author, audience, and context, they sound pretty sexist, don’t they? And male authority figures have used these verses as justification for the oppression of women for centuries, just as white men used the passage only a few verses away, Ephesians 6:5, as justification for the oppression and ownership of black people (Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ). So let’s look at each of the points above in regards to Ephesians 5 and 6. First, who wrote it? Sometimes that can be a tricky question to answer, but in this case, it’s actually very easy (though there is still a bit of fuzziness/debate). Traditionally, Ephesians is one of the Apostle Paul’s letters to the early church. Specifically, to the body of believers in Ephesus, a Greek city that was a part of the Roman Empire at the time. According to two different study bibles I have, the letter of Ephesians was not addressing any particular problem that the church in Ephesus had (as was often the case with Paul’s letters), but was meant as an encouragement of faith and to increase his readers’ understanding of what it meant to be a follower of Christ. So now what about the Context? Why are the verses at the end of chapter 5 and beginning of chapter 6 so damning to our modern sensibilities? To answer that, we must look at the passages both in context to the verses around them, and in historical and cultural context (which is where 1 & 2 come into play again). Going back to the beginning of chapter 4, which is subtitled “Unity in the Body of Christ” (and remember, these subtitles and groupings were come up with LONG after they were written; we grouped sections together in a way we thought was most logical, which honestly for a book as short as Ephesians I would argue is barely even necessary), we can see that the letter from chapter 4 onward is about living a Holy and Godly life. Chapter 4 urges us to be “completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love” and warns us against living “as the Gentiles* do, in the futility of their thinking.” *Gentiles in this case meaning not neccesarily all non-Jews, but non-believers. AKA, we should live like Jesus lived, WWJD and all that jazz. If the Holy Spirit is in our hearts and our relationship with God is at the forefront of our lives, then that should show clearly in our actions. The very first verse of chapter 5 reads “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Chapters 5 and 6 especially are meant to act as a sort of guide for how a follower of Christ should act. There’s some stuff about obscenity, greed, sexual impurity, 5:15 sums it up pretty well basically, “Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise,” and then we reach the all important verse. Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s a full sentence, just that there. Submit to one another. The following three sections are all subsections of this point: one for Wives submitting to Husbands, one for Children submitting to Parents, and one for Slaves submitting to Masters. But when looking at all of these, bad shepherds (ie, racist, sexist assholes) like to ignore that first bit, submit to one another, just as they like to ignore 5:28, which says “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself;” or they ignore 6:4 which says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord;” and they ignore 6:9, “Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” I do highly encourage you to read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in full, or at least start at 4:17, which is where Paul starts talking about “Living as Children of Light,” because it makes the intent of these apparently damning verses much more clear. Paul is stating that as Christians, we should treat everyone around us with honor and respect. According to one of my study bibles, the grammar of the original Greek suggests that the “submission” involved in all three sections is intended to be mutual submission, and is to come from a filling of the Holy Spirit. However, to be quite frank, Paul still Lived In A Society. A highly structured, patriarchal society, in which all members of a household (women, children, slaves) were expected to submit to the patriarchal head of that household. Male children until they reached adulthood, Slaves until they were freed (remember that, while by no means a purely morally good thing, the system of Roman Slavery was VASTLY DIFFERENT from the Atlantic Slave Trade that men later used this passage to justify existing), and women, unfortunately, for their whole lives. In another one of his letters, what is now the book of Galatians, Paul says in chapter 3 verse 27-29 that “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” This would have been radical at the time. Paul is promising all people of all genders and classes that, in the eyes of God, they are Equal, One, and all “sons,” meaning that they all have a right to the Inheritance of the Father (remember, at this time and in this culture women did not get any inheritance, and younger sons got significantly less than the firstborn. Paul assures the believers that they ALL are equal receivers of the Promises of God). But this equality that Paul speaks of was, in his eyes, a spiritual equality. He was not particularly concerned with overthrowing the earthly patriarchal society that subjugated women and lower classes, but rather instructed all members of that society who also were Believers to submit equally to one another out of love and respect, for they were all Equal in God’s eyes and would be Equal in heaven. This is why he both tells women to submit to and obey their husbands, but also husbands to love, cherish, and care for their wives. Children, obey your parents, but Fathers, don’t be dicks to your kids. Slaves should obey their masters (slavery was much more like a job that you weren’t allowed to quit until your boss said so) but Masters shouldn’t abuse their slaves. There are Societal Authorities, and Paul is telling his readers “look you can’t just go around not respecting those Authorities, but also hey, if you’re the Authority? That’s not a free pass to be an asshole.” As one of my study bibles puts it, “Paul counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice…this kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members.” Paul is basically saying “it’s better for everyone if we all get along, and remember that Christ had a servant’s heart, and intentionally lowered himself for us, so we should do the same for each other.” And while a patriarchal class system is still super sucky for like 80% of the people involved, at least it’s a whole lot more bearable if everyone involved is being a Nice, Good Member of that Society. You mentioned being worried about being treated like a “second rate citizen.” The fact of the matter is that when this was written, women were second rate citizens; that is the context in which Paul is writing. And while I firmly believe that that was wrong, in every sense of the word, Paul wasn’t especially concerned about challenging that aspect of society. Priority one was “Spread the Gospel” and Priority two was “Don’t Get Killed while Spreading the Gospel.” Speaking of Paul, let’s talk a little more about Saul of Tarsus, shall we? In all literary analysis, it is important to examine the author’s beliefs and what biases may have made their way into the work. And while we believe the bible to be a Holy Book, it can and should be subject to the same rules of literary analysis as non-religious texts. First, you must ask yourself, what do you believe about the bible? There are four general ways of looking at it (which are called Theories of Inspiration).

The bible is the Divine Word of God, dictated word for word across centuries directly to its human authors by God Himself.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. While they are writing in their own words, this Inspiration means that the bible is Wholly Perfect with no errors.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. However, because they are imperfect, fallible men, there is a possibility of errors in the text, both in the account of events that happened and in the teaching therein.

The bible is a collection of accounts written by men, with no Divine Intervention from God. It is not Holy, God’s Word, or Infallible.

I was raised to believe theory 2, but now I personally believe theory 3. And since I’m the author of this analysis, it is through the lens and bias of theory 3 that I now present my next point: Paul was sexist. I don’t think he was maliciously so (see again, Galatians 3, and the statement in Ephesians 5 that men should honor, cherish, and care for their wives), but he was a product of his time who had ingrained ideas about women and their place in society. This does not A) mean he was right about how women should act OR B) mean that we should toss out everything he had to say, about women or otherwise, because he was Problematic. Most biblical authors were, in fact, Problematic. Either by our modern standards, due to the time in which they lived, OR by the standards of their own time, because God liked to use Imperfect People (we’re all imperfect, but He liked particularly imperfect people) in His plans. David was an adulterer and murderer. Paul happily sent dozens of Christians to their deaths. Peter was hotheaded and super prejudiced against Gentiles and Samaritans. And most of them were, in one way or another, sexist, racist, and homophobic. These biases then found their way, intentionally or not, into their writings, and then other racist, sexist, homophobic men used those writings to justify systemic oppression of anyone who was not like them. Oppression that is not Christlike. So where does that leave us, in our 21st century application of scripture to our daily lives? We must examine how it was to be read at the time (which we have done), and then see what we can apply from it to our own lives. For myself in my marriage, I look again to the original grammar of Ephesians 5, that indicates the submission is to be mutual. I “submit” to my husband, and he “submits” to me. In other words, our relationship is built on Trust, Clear Communication, and Respect for one another. Sometimes we have to compromise, and I have to put aside my own desires for his sake, or he must set aside his own desires for my sake. It is a willingness to listen to one another, to approach conflicts with an open mind, to consider each other’s feelings before we speak. It is an equal, mutual submission based on love for each other, which doesn’t contradict what Paul says at all. God created all people to be equal. Humans are stupid sometimes and try to insist that we know better, try to create hierarchies and use the bible to try and justify that, but that doesn’t mean those humans are right. If your church is trying to make you feel less than because of your gender, or if you date somebody who pushes TradWife rhetoric and tries to use Ephesians as their justification, then you Run, and feel justified in doing so. (Especially if they also try to use Paul’s words to tell you why you owe your partner sex; see again, Paul was not only sexist but also lived in a patriarchal time when women were second class citizens that had very specific expectations placed on them AND he wasn’t even in a relationship himself, forgive me if I take his advice on my sex life with a grain of salt. Without doing this whole process again, a good modern reading of “don’t deprive one another” is “don’t use sex as a weapon in your relationship/withhold it for bs reasons when you’re mad at each other, etc. Like all other relationship things, sex (or a lack thereof) with your spouse should be based on mutual trust, communication, and love, not petty arguments or the standards of others.)

Trust me, as an ace woman myself, I totally get the fear. I’ve felt it myself, in the past. But God’s intentions for you are not that you become a doormat or servant to a man. If a romantic relationship (or any other partnership) is part of His plan for you, then the bible clearly states, both in Ephesians and elsewhere, that it should be one built on Love and Trust, not Subjugation and Servitude.

I hope this helped you, and again, sorry it was so long XD. Have an amazing day! <3

[honey-milk-depresso]

what’s appear’s relationship with other characters??

I'm gonna put it in point form- (can't find the other one- FCK-)

And I'm making it a little more elaborated-

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

►Yuu: (I'm glad they saw me as their friend rather than just isolate me. Perhaps that's because they're unclear of my position, but... even so, I'm still grateful they chose to stay by my side although I put them in quite a troubling spot. I'll try my best to help them as much as they did for me.)

►Grim: (That cat... he can be quite the handful... But he's actually a friendly fellow, even if his ego is just out of hand, he can be a good friend.)

►Ace: (You stupid first year. Stop throwing yourself in so much trouble. I seriously can't take a break when I'm acquainted with you now, isn't it?) *sigh* (It can't be help... I just hope he doesn't get TOO rowdy, otherwise he'll end up hurt and come whining to me.)

►Deuce: (The unfortunate one that gets dragged by Ace and his scheming, which leads to the both of them getting into trouble. He's... unfortunately quite dense, but his willingness and determination of trying his best is commendable.)

►Jack: (There's not much to say about him other than the fact he's someone who strives for power and his constant urge to improve on his own. That goal is mutual, but I seriously think he should remember that power isn't the only thing that makes someone strong.)

►Epel: (Don't be fooled by his petite and delicate appearance. He's one burst of energy, brash and short-tempered. Epel comes in contrast with his outer soft spoken front with his actual rough demeanor. I, for one, quite favor the Pomefiore first year.)

►Sebek: (He's too uptight. And seriously loud. All he could think about is his master, not even his own wellbeing. He's highly defensive over Malleus when I try approaching the fae, only for him to keep blocking my path which was quite annoying. I had to give him his paperwork as dorm leader but Sebek just had to be a prickly thorn... He needs to loosen up a bit.)

►Riddle: (Strict to adhere to the rules, and he's quite the control freak, no? While he is changing his ways, Riddle has a short fuse, he can be ticked off quite easily. Best to remember to show some respect to him, especially when he's having a bad day.)

►Azul: (That octopus... I swear. He called me so late at night, RIGHT after I finished the tasks Crowley gave to me and asked me to come cover Floyd's shift. I seriously stand it. He's sly, I can give you that, coming from someone who sees him up close during work hours. Best beware of him, and reject all his deals. I may be his friend, but I hate running errands for him all the time...)

►Jade: (Jade is... complicated. I get along with him the most out of the infamous Octavinelle trio, but he's quite a peculiar student. You can't always make a clear guess on what's under that smile. He can come across as intimidating, but he's actually quite a nerd when it comes to mushrooms. He won't show it, but he's fascinated by such. I guess as someone who lives on land, we neglect such daily organisms. Jade has helped me appreciate the simplicity of nature a bit more.)

►Floyd: (I swear to the Sevens... if he doesn't feel like going on a shift, he abuses his privilege of knowing I would take over. That stupid Crowley... I mean, my master had me help and cater all students, including Azul's Monstro Lounge. He's humorous, sure, but sometimes he just gets on my nerves... not as much as Riddle's, though.)

►Kalim: (He's quite naive, and a bit stupid. But he has a kind heart and a fluttering social butterfly. Kalim usually tries to invite me and Yuu to his parties hosted at Scarabia, but I'm usually busy, so I have to reject the offer. And I don't think I'd fit in a... hype party.)

►Jamil: (He's cunning and intelligent, a sly and resourceful person if I do say so myself. We're quite well acquainted, but I suggest you not always say something that would offend him. He might manipulate you like a puppet on strings, and... maybe quite literally. He's fear of bugs though... is pretty hilarious.)

►Ruggie: (That trickster. He hurt Trey on purpose, and I'm keeping my guard up high. Call me overprotective, but at least I'm not like Sebek. The incident has died down, and he's just really a joker. He is nimble and athletic, but he's a sucker for good food.)

►Silver: (He's got some pretty swords, and impressive swordsmanship. He's usually quiet, just the way I like, and he rarely makes any commotion which eases me in trusting him. He does, however, tend to sleep a lot even during class from what I hear. I hope he's found a way to keep himself up.)

►Cater: (He's a jolly senior who just loves taking pictures and has a flare for aesthetics. I have to remind him once that he couldn't upload a photo of me on Magicam for the public to see. It would ruin the school's reputation if they know of NRC letting someone like me in.)

►Trey: *heavy simp breathing-* (Unlike Riddle, Trey's much more lenient and laidback when it comes to following rules, so you're in safer hands with him. He's kind and helpful, he bakes really good treats, a flexible and smart vice dorm, and I actually trust him with all my heart. I just wished he sees me as something more..)

►Rook: (He's... very eccentric. I've received a lot of complains about him, and how his odd behavior seems to startle some students. After talking to him about the matter, I've come to conclude that this is just regular him. Thankfully, the complains have died down, but he honestly has no idea that his peculiar self scares others. And you know what? I'm not so bothered. He's actually quite nice.)

►Vil: (Vil's famous throughout Twisted Wonderland for his charismatic and flare he brings in his acting career. He's bossy, critical and very judging. If you're someone who can't take constructive and blunt criticism, don't talk to him about beauty. He will demolish you.)

►Leona: (For the love of the Sevens... I can't stand him. It's always him and his goons trying to make a ruckus on purpose for me. And he's so lazy, geez... But I have to admit, he's very strong physical wise, and he's got a lot of power that radiates around him, telling you that you should think twice before challenging him. You can call for me, though. I'll be the nightmare when he sleeps and when he's awake.)

►Idia: (He's usually indoors in his own room, so I don't see him often. He usually writes his complains via email, which is so much more convenient, why can't everyone else do so?) *sigh* (Anyways, he's paranoid of the outside world, but he's really intelligent. I heard he's a completely different person online...)

►Ortho: (He's a caring and protective younger brother towards Idia. I'm sure Idia must have done the same with Ortho. I'm thankful he doesn't cause a ruckus, and he's just a pure being. Just don't speak bad of his brother. You'll be facing hell.)

►Lilia: (Another weird senior. He's better than Rook, in the weird part, but he scares some students sometimes. He's not that bad, really, and he has a wide extensive and elaborate knowledge about magic history. Some say he's way older than you think he is...)

►Malleus: (Of course, one of the best wizards of the world. He's extremely powerful and intimidating, that most people don't talk to him. It's quite sad to see him being lonely at times, but sometimes he does like to have his own time for himself. He's actually a bit awkward when it comes to talking, maybe it's because he's never talked to anyone besides his family and bodyguards. Malleus is a kind person, and he's a good friend. Besides, he likes ice cream. A mutual liking.)

[shihalyfie]

The differences between Takato and Haru

(This meta was requested by @digitalgate02​, who also assisted me with a large portion of it. Thank you for your help!)

Takato and Haru often beg a lot of comparisons because of the fact they go so against the usual “brash hero” archetype common to not only Digimon but also shounen franchises in general, being significantly more mild-mannered (on a language level, they’re also the only Digimon protagonists to date who use the more polite boku first-person pronoun instead of the more assertive ore). Haru himself even points out in Appmon’s very first episode that this kind of personality would normally be more suited towards a side character than a protagonist!

Because of that, Haru is often considered to be a spiritual rehashing of Takato, and many have tried to make close parallels between the two, but while the desire to make comparison is naturally understandable, the truth is that beyond surface temperament, the two characters actually have very little in common. In fact, both Tamers and Appmon take rather different approaches to their definitions of a “conventional hero”, and that results in both Takato and Haru having very different roles in the plot.

In many cases, the role of a protagonist in a narrative has a deep relationship with what kind of narrative it is in the first place, and especially what kinds of themes it wants to present. For instance, in the case of 02, you could argue that the story is more “about” Ken than it is about Daisuke, since both major arcs in the story are about his fall and reformation, but when you consider the major themes present in 02′s narrative about purpose in life and pragmatism, Daisuke’s way of life and overall attitude are vital elements in relation to them, and it’s why he ends up being the “protagonist” (or, more accurately, the character at the forefront of the story) despite Ken’s heavier connection to it.

Tamers and Appmon have a number of similarities in storytelling, mainly that they’re both “hard sci-fi” stories in comparison to other entries that have stronger fantasy elements, and do have a certain amount of crossover in terms of dealing with AI-related topics. However, the actual “nature” of each work ultimately turns out to be different, and thus impacts how each of their protagonists is presented.

I heavily dislike calling Tamers a “deconstruction” of the monster collecting genre or of Digimon Adventure, mainly because of how much that term has been exploited to stereotype works in a genre as being things they’re not, or less nuanced than they actually are (as one Twitter user aptly put it: “a deconstruction is when I like something in a genre I disrespect”). I absolutely do not care for the idea of claiming that Adventure or 02 were somehow less nuanced or “deep” than Tamers just because they were more idealistic or more subtle about it, because they sure as hell had a lot of deeper things hidden between the lines if you bother to look out for them, and I also don’t like the implication that Tamers exists to criticize Adventure for supposedly being too naive. It is true, however, that Tamers re-examines a lot of Adventure (and 02)’s concepts in a different context; while Tamers isn’t as strong of a theme narrative, and it’s much more difficult to say there's an overarching message that encompass most or all of the series as much, it does indulge in a lot of thought experiments and smaller subplots that wouldn’t be possible in Adventure, and Takato thus has an important position in facilitating those kinds of thought experiments. The overall franchise metaphors of “growing” (evolving) alongside your Digimon (or, at least, something different from you) and the symbolism associated with it are still more than present, so the Tamers way of showcasing it is in mainly presenting the question of how that kind of goal would even be achievable in the first place when things aren’t as clear-cut.

In particular, Takato serves to address how someone who doesn’t fulfill the typical protagonist mold would cope with situations that somewhat resemble those in Adventure, what would happen when a Digimon partner is fundamentally different from oneself, and how one would still be able to grow alongside such an existence. Thus, his own character arc is more relevant to his own personal growth in accordance with interacting with Guilmon and what he gets out of his journey. This is especially because one thing particularly unique to Tamers is how it portrays Digimon as significantly more feral and different in mentality to humans, which means that he had a much higher personal hurdle to begin with, and thus his personal story and what he gets out of it becomes of significantly more importance.

Appmon, on the other hand, very much is an overarching theme narrative and isn’t exactly subtle about it, with one of its biggest questions being about what’s important in a world that’s getting increasingly controlled and regulated by modern technology that’s getting more and more intelligent. Haru is thus the embodiment of Appmon’s answer to that question: “to choose to be kind” -- and the less-than-subtle invocation of the word “protagonist” ends up having a very different meaning invoked in its final episode.

At the very least, on top of both being rather unconventional protagonists, both Tamers and Appmon do start with Takato and Haru both expressing a desire to be more like one who could go on some kind of adventure (Takato’s version isn’t as verbal, but his way of enthusiastically putting on goggles as proof that he’s a Tamer in Tamers episode 2 carries heavy implications of wanting to emulate the heroes he saw on TV).

However, this is where we get our first difference: Takato proudly claims his newfound status as the series protagonist, whereas Haru is unsure and self-conscious about it -- Haru himself is the one who initially considers himself not cut out for the role despite Yuujin personally believing he does and Gatchmon trying to urge him into it. And, in fact, this is actually the difference that kicks off where their paths entirely diverge.

Takato is often said to be unconventional for a protagonist, but when you really think about it, it’s not like Taichi or Daisuke were exactly models of typical protagonist tropes; while you could call them “hot-blooded”, in the end, Taichi’s standout traits have more to do with natural charisma and sometimes even being too chill, and Daisuke, for all he seems assertive, is actually extremely deferential. So why is Takato still such a standout in comparison?

Well, when you look at the detailed profiles of all twelve of the main Adventure and 02 cast, you might notice something: all of them are naturally selfless people who put others before themselves without a second thought. On the other hand, when you look at Takato, you might realize that this is very much not the case, especially during the early parts of the series. As much as Takato is a “soft” person, he’s not necessarily very “kind” or “nice”, especially during the early parts of the series; he can get possessive or clingy, petty, or even a little arrogant (Tamers episode 11 basically has him go on a mini-power trip based on his card combo having worked so well in the prior episode, which ends up becoming part of his isolation from Hirokazu and Kenta in the following one). Moreover, Takato loses his emotional composure and becomes a crying mess as early as Tamers episode 2, and while it’s not like other characters in Adventure and 02 hadn’t been prone to emotional outbursts, combine it with the above facts and you get the take-home that Takato isn’t “soft” out of an active choice to be so as much as he’s just really, really lacking in emotional mettle to begin with.

To be fair to him, Takato has to deal with quite a bit more stress during the early parts of Tamers than Haru has to during the equivalent parts; having to deal with a Digimon partner that’s outright feral at times and doesn’t have a fully intelligent understanding of how to communicate is a pretty rough thing to start off with. That said, Takato is fairly cowardly even in situations that don’t necessarily have to do with this, it’s just that this makes it worse -- but it means a lot that Takato himself is willing to put in that much effort in bonding with Guilmon despite being initially intimidated by what he’d just created, and that perhaps is what’s the beginnings of how he continues to develop that strength of heart for the rest of the series (and also extends to how he’s the one who connects with Grani).

This is in contrast to how Haru is described by Yuujin at the end of Appmon episode 1, in which Yuujin states that Haru is already cut out to be a protagonist because he’s a kind person -- in other words, Takato is someone who is not cut out to be a protagonist of any kind of adventure at the start of Tamers, even though he thinks he now gets the luxury of being one due to the circumstances he’s thrust into, whereas Haru is already someone with the potential to be one even at the start of the series, but initially lacks the self-confidence to consider himself able to be so. Thus, Takato’s character arc involves having to actually grow into someone worthy of the position, whereas Haru’s involves coming to terms with the aspects of himself he already has but doesn’t quite understand yet.

One very important thing to reiterate is that “unconventional” does not necessarily mean “better” by default, and, on the flip side, just because Takato isn’t as virtuous of a person at the beginning doesn’t mean he’s a worse character (after all, these kinds of things are what makes one interesting). Rather, it’s more important to consider why these characters are this way based on the context of the narratives they’re in.

In the case of the Adventure/02 kids, getting twelve naturally kind kids wasn’t exactly accident, nor was Haru and the other Appli Drivers also being that way; said kids have a bit of selection bias in that they were deliberately chosen by various entities (”the one who wishes for stability” and the Agents, the Holy Beasts, or Minerva) knowing that a massive world- or humanity-threatening crisis was on the horizon and quite understandably picking kids who had the greatest potential for the kindness that shouldering the world’s burdens would take (in Adventure and 02 this manifested in having the kids resonate with Crests and Digimentals that represented virtues, and in Appmon this involved Minerva actively testing them). After all, it’s only natural that anyone with the chance to recruit people to help with a monumental task would ideally go out of their way to pick people who seem best suited for the job, whether it’s something as grand as fantasy chosen hero picking or something as simple as job recruitment. But at the beginning of Tamers, none of the involved parties were really aware of any kind of grand, looming threats on the horizon, and whatever the DigiGnomes were thinking (or not thinking) when giving Takato his D-Ark is arcane to us all, and so Takato ended up becoming a Tamer by functional accident, resulting him starting off very poorly equipped for the job and having to learn how to do it on the fly.

This also means that the “motives” Takato and Haru have for taking action at the beginning of the series are accordingly different. Because any concept of “stakes” was not immediately apparent at the start of Tamers, Takato’s motivations for being a Tamer are more self-centered and selfish than Haru’s are for being an Appli Driver at the start of their respective series.

Takato’s motives at the beginning of Tamers really just revolve around “I want to be able to play with Guilmon more and not lose him,” and there’s no indication at said beginning that he’s really prepared for or even understands the part about having to protect others from harm. That doesn’t mean that Takato’s a selfish person to the extent of not caring about others at all -- in fact, by the time of Tamers episode 15, he demonstrates an understanding that they’re not playing a “game” anymore when things get difficult (and even puts his foot down in front of the other kids for it, a huge improvement from his rather cowardly outlook at the beginning of the series), so the issue largely had to do with the fact that the early parts of Tamers didn’t immediately make such high stakes clear, and Takato himself was thus in a situation of not worrying about others because that necessity wasn’t there yet. But even in the same episode, Takato still has a clear motive of wanting to show off his cool Digimon partner to the others and bask in his “status” as a Tamer, and it’s still a huge contrast to Haru who was initially too humble to accept his role as part of such a larger narrative until his desire to “protect everyone” won out. It’s a big deal that Haru understood the stakes that would be involved in the fight against Leviathan from day one, and actively chose to opt in because of his selflessness.

Another major reason for this difference is that Haru has a certain character trait explicitly ascribed to him that isn’t with Takato: Haru enjoys reading books and is actually rather book-smart and intellectual. On a certain technicality, Takato being characterized as not particularly skilled in that department actually brings him a little closer to the conventional shounen protagonist archetype than it does a “bookish” character like Haru, because such a character is often considered too nerdy for the protagonist position -- but in Haru’s case, the fact he’s actively thoughtful and ruminates on things means that he spends a lot of time thinking about “what’s the right thing to do” in a given situation.

For all it’s worth, I really hope that the above won’t be taken as an implication that Takato is a fundamentally bad person for having more selfish immediate priorities than Haru or the Adventure/02 kids do; having to carry the weight of such a large thing is a huge thing to ask of someone, especially when we’re talking about someone who kind of got thrown into this whole mess and has been spending the entirety of this series trying to figure it all out without a lot of reliable sources of help. On top of that, it should also be noted that Takato is ten; if there’s anything that can be said to be not entirely true-to-life with the Adventure and 02 cast personalities, it’s that a lot of the emotional awareness and levelheadedness they exhibit usually come from people much older than 8-12 (it’s one of the “acceptable breaks from reality” employed in kids’ shows that kid protagonists are often a tad bit more mature than actual kids would be at that age, otherwise a lot of said kids’ show plots wouldn’t function), and real ten-year-olds in Takato’s situation would often have more difficulty knowing what to do with such great burdens at this age. It’s actually fairly significant that Haru is 13 and from a group composed mainly of middle schoolers, in contrast to the older series having elementary school kids (the youngest Appli Driver, Astra, is actually the same age as a classic Digimon series protagonist), and thus it’s probably not surprising that they’re more willing and able to deal with such huge issues much earlier on.

Thus, although Takato’s character arc does involve him slowly growing into the role of becoming less shallow and selfish, and becoming more truly assertive while he’s at it, this fundamental difference in their natures ends up continuing to have a major influence by the time of the later parts of the series. The difference can be most starkly illustrated in Tamers episode 35 versus Appmon episode 41 -- in which Takato, upon seeing Beelzebumon kill Leomon, is utterly consumed by his emotions and decides that the best course of action to take would be killing Beelzebumon in revenge, even though this won’t bring Leomon back or accomplish anything productive (and, indeed, it does make things worse in the form of driving his own partner over the edge and traumatizing Juri further). (Adventure had already warned that prioritizing “revenge” over “protecting others” is foolhardy and tends to cause a lot of really nasty problems.)

In contrast, one thing you might notice about Haru is that he never “denies anyone’s feelings”, even when confronting someone like Knight. You could argue that Haru wasn’t necessarily dealing with direct trauma in front of him, but recall that Knight had caused tons of grief and misery for many (something Haru takes serious offense at) and had, along with Charismon, gotten very close to permakilling all of the Buddy Appmon at one point back in Appmon episode 37 -- so it’s not like Haru doesn’t have reason to have grudge against Knight, even if the severity isn’t as immediate. Note that Haru doesn’t “both-sides” this issue; he still insists on making his own case, it’s just that he still doesn’t have it in him to not acknowledge that Knight has a good reason for making the case he does given his background, consider his words to an extent, and fight against the idea of having Knight be killed for no good reason. Haru has a very strong belief in “thinking with one’s heart” and “respecting feelings” that he'd exhibited through the entire series (for example, very prominently in Appmon episode 12 with Rei), and because of that he has a ton of emotional control over himself even taking some very harsh things. It’s clear that Haru does have very deep understanding of what he’s dealing with -- and chooses to be idealistic and kind anyway.

(In addition, because Haru is so naturally inclined to be selfless, the one time he really does hit an emotional low in Appmon episode 49, it’s not anger or lashing out at anyone, but rather sadness and despair. Haru just really does not have the fundamental capacity to be aggressive.)

As said before, Takato’s character arc is very much a personal story of how he grew into the role of a Tamer, via learning to fight for what’s important and have a strong heart for it. As a result, his motives for fighting end up still having a much more personal streak to it than anything -- at the time of Tamers episode 49, technically speaking, the Wild Bunch was still being counted on to work on the D-Reaper problem, and his own family was urging him to stay home for now, but what tipped him over the edge was not some desire to protect people as a whole but rather the fact that Juri was calling for him. It’s not to say that such a thing is selfish -- he’s clearly doing it for her sake, not anything to do with his own -- but nevertheless his involvement was directly related to something that hit a little more personally moreso than it was for the sake of the wider picture.

As said before, this is fitting for someone whose story is really more of a personal character arc before anything else; the significance is more in line with the sheer amount of emotional growth Takato had to go through in order to get to this point at all, and how someone normally so divorced from the concept of heroism could come to do something so meaningful, especially thanks to his interactions with Guilmon and growing alongside him. There’s absolutely no doubt that Takato wouldn’t have been able to do this kind of thing at the beginning of the series, so it’s a huge accomplishment that shouldn’t be watered down. It also makes him a very good foil to the D-Reaper, an emotionless program that’s still fixated on rehashing the same destructive purpose it was originally created for years ago and has long lost its purpose, and while Takato isn’t technically the sole factor in putting it to rest (at most, the most valuable asset as part of the Wild Bunch’s plan), the contrast is quite apparent.

On the flip side, Appmon episode 54 not only involves the exact opposite -- in which Haru sacrifices something closely personal to him for the sake of everything else -- but also ties it very closely to its own series themes, which are assertively laid down in all of their glory during this finale. The reason Haru had been “chosen” by Minerva to begin with, and the reason he himself had been given an opt-in “choice” at the beginning of the series and again in Appmon episode 38, and so many other characters had been given “choices”, is that this story is about choices -- because Leviathan (and Knight, and any kind of “AI should manage everything” argument that this series fights hard against) believes that humans shouldn’t be allowed them, and that everything ought to fall in accordance with a “rational” system. Haru, on the other hand, believes in the human heart that can do unexpected things, and his constant choices to do things out of kindness despite understanding what they entail.

Over the course of the series, Haru hadn’t always been putting himself in a spotlight situation -- in fact, many episodes had involved him saying “we’ll support you!” and generally uplifting others before he’d ever tried to take charge. But in the end, the reason he ends up as the “protagonist” who makes the final choice for everyone’s sake is because he’s the one who understands that gravity of “making a choice with one’s feelings” that’s so vital to changing Leviathan’s mind -- plus, the fact he’d been so supportive and kind to everyone means that everyone else shows up for him when he needs it most. Note that when Astra and Eri are upset at Yuujin in Appmon episodes 48 and 51, it’s not so much out of the overall betrayal as much as the fact he specifically betrayed and hurt Haru, because that’s how much they’ve come to care for him in return.

Hence, why Appmon latently ends on a frame of redefining the concept of “protagonist” -- certainly, on a meta level, Haru became the “protagonist” of the narrative that is Appmon, but what it actually means in terms of what Haru became is that everyone, including the members of the audience watching this series, is “the protagonist of their own life”, meaning that being a “protagonist” is defined merely by said act of “making choices” and defining what your own path will be. And especially in a world where singularity is going to become more and more of a real possibility -- as the show indirectly reminds us, AI surpassing human intellect is something that’s been predicted and warned about in this very world we, the viewers, live in -- understanding this is going to become even more important.

Incidentally, in the end, as much as it might be tempting to try and draw parallels with Takato because both of them are in the franchise-mandated position of “protagonist”, removing that requirement actually brings up a character that might make a much closer parallel -- “making choices that are out of kindness” easily directly invokes a certain other character from 02 who had “kindness” as a huge part of his character arc, doesn’t it...?

Really, if you think about it, Haru has a lot in common with Ken, who’s also thoughtful, intellectual, very in touch with his own feelings, assertive, resilient, strong in heart, and kind out of choice even when he doesn’t have to be -- you could basically say Haru is what Ken would be like if he hadn’t gone through such a massive formative event of trauma early in his life, or, alternatively, Ken if he had a bit more of Daisuke’s more outwardly bright, friendly, and supportive traits. It may not be a comparison you’d be easily tempted to make because, as stated above, as much as Ken had a deep connection with 02′s plot, he’s not portrayed as the protagonist of his own narrative...and, hence, Haru is unusual in that the exact archetype that was formerly placed in the role of the series deuteragonist has now been recast in the role of the protagonist itself. But then again, from Haru’s perspective, it’s not like Ken wasn’t technically the driving force of his own story, right?

(I’m not just drawing this comparison because I usually blog for 02. I promise.)

[posswrites]

Isolation

#vss365 5-27

Word Count: 1,229

Pairing: Harry/Luna

Rating: G

Harry had been in the hospital wing more times than he could remember. He was shocked there wasn’t a plaque on the bed he usually ended up in. This time, however, when he had reluctantly walked in with Luna, their arms covered with a mixture of bright blue warts and boils, Madam Pomfrey immediately directed them to the isolation ward, making sure to stay several feet away at all times. 

“What have you gotten yourself into this time, Potter?” she sighed, as she ushered them through the door and gestured for them to sit down on the beds. “You’re staying in here until we figure out what this is.”

“Oh, I know exactly what it is,” Luna piped up. “Harry and I were looking for Strawberry Cricket wings and ended up going through a nasty patch of Aching Dimbleweed. It’s very contagious.”

At Luna’s words, Madam Pomfrey paused her gathering of what potions she thought might help, looking to Harry for confirmation.

“Er, yeah that sounds right,” he replied. “It doesn’t hurt, though, just looks mad, so…” He wasn’t sure what else he could say, but Madam Pomfrey just nodded.

“Right. It sounds like I’ll need Professor Sprout. Are you two okay staying here by yourselves until we get back? And don’t leave. Or touch anything. Aching… Dimbleweed, you said?” Luna nodded. “Okay. I’ll be back in a pinch.”

The isolation ward wasn’t much different from the rest of the hospital wing, except there was a shimmering magical barrier in the door frame and only four beds. An extension of the main room that looked like it had been an add-on. Luna was sitting on the bed next to his, looking around the room.

“Have you ever been in this room before?” she asked softly.

“I haven’t, surprisingly. Usually I’m in here with something broken or bleeding. This is new, though.” He looked down at his own arms and turning them to inspect the lesions.

“I’m sorry you ended up with Dimblewarts, Harry. I didn’t think they were supposed to be in that part of the forest. Just don’t pick at them or they’ll spread.”

Harry paused, his finger about to poke one, and abruptly changed his mind, tucking his hands under his thighs to fight the urge. “No, it’s all right! They’re a nice color. I'd never even heard of those cricket things, to be honest, so I did learn a couple new things today,” he grinned.

“You don’t need them for many potions, and they’re very rare, which is one of the reasons people don't think they exist. Most people don’t believe things I tell them about exist, though. I’m used to it.” Luna mirrored Harry’s position, pulling her legs up to sit cross-legged on the bed and sliding her fingertips under her thighs, too. 

Harry’s shoulders dropped a little. He would never get used to the fact that he’d still heard people call her Loony every so often in the halls, which he always got onto them for until they knew better than to talk about her when Harry was around. But Harry knew first hand how it felt to feel like no one was on your side, and he would do whatever he could to make sure no one else felt like that, even though Luna never seemed to mind. Sometimes he wondered if she preferred to be on her own. “I believe you, Luna.”

Luna’s gaze moved from the ceiling to Harry’s eyes, but he couldn’t read her expression. “Do you?”

“Well, yeah,” Harry said with a shrug. “I said I’m your friend and I meant it. That’s why I volunteered to come with you.”

“I thought it was just because you wanted something else to think about for a little while,” she replied in a manner that made Harry consider that she might know him better than he knew himself.

“I mean, I suppose that too.”

Luna waited a few seconds before asking, “Are you okay? I’ve noticed you’ve been a little… off again.”

“Again?”

“Well, after the end of last year with your godfather, I just want to make sure you’re all right.”

Harry couldn’t help but smile a little. He didn’t really think Luna cared too much, but if he thought about it, of course she did. Luna cared about everyone. That was one of the things that was so special about her. “Yeah, I’m all right. I will be, anyway.” He’d been so focused on Draco this year that he hadn’t realized that other people besides Ron and Hermione (who he was used to constantly hovering) would notice him behaving any differently. Was he? He hadn’t thought so, but again, it was Luna.

“Good. Because you’re a lot more fun to be around when you’re happy.”

Was Luna… blushing? Harry didn’t think he’d ever seen it before, but the contrast of pink against her pale skin was a little shocking. She’d looked away from him again, almost as if she didn’t want to see his reaction. As if she hadn’t meant to speak out loud. He felt his own face heating up as well - he was never any good with girls acting like this. He never knew what to say.

At least not until, “I think you’re fun to be around all the time,” slipped from his own mouth. “Sorry… I didn’t mean-”

“I think you’re quite handsome as well.” Luna frowned a little, tilting her head while Harry’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “That wasn’t supposed to come out.”

Harry felt another thought begging to surface, but he swallowed it down and kept his lips pressed tightly together, afraid that if he opened them, he’d say something that wasn’t supposed to come out, too.

“The… Dimblewarts,” Luna managed through her fingers. “It doesn’t happen often, but in some cases, it can make you-”

“Tell you that I prefer spending time with you over Hermione sometimes?” Harry wrenched his eyes shut, color further deepening on his face. Luna didn’t need to know that, but he couldn’t help himself, almost as if holding it back was making it worse. “She just gets on my nerves sometimes when she’s always trying to tell me everything I’m doing is wrong and you always let me think what I want and it’s so refreshing, Luna. You’re refreshing. You don’t have any expectations of me, and I really like that.”

Luna was smiling behind her hand at Harry’s words. Embarrassed, but smiling. Once he was done, she finally lowered it. “I think I’d like to hang out again, Harry. Just the two of us. If you’d be okay with it.”

“Yeah,” came immediately. “We… we could do that. Why are we having this conversation right now?” Harry asked, still slightly concerned that while the conversation wasn’t going in a bad direction, he preferred to be in control of the words coming out of his mouth.

“I’ve heard before that sometimes the Dimblewarts can… make you say things. Truths. Like Veritaserum. Nothing too terrible, of course, but it can be embarrassing. I think it goes away before too long.”

“Oh.”

“I probably should have mentioned it, but it’s so rare that-”

“No, it’s okay. Er, so you really want to… hang out with me? Like… a date?”

Luna nodded softly. “Is that okay?”

“Definitely. Just…” he looked down at his arms again, “maybe no plants?”

“Deal.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 289: Looks Like the Gang’s All Here

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “you guys don’t really need to know what’s gonna happen to Deku and Shouto right now” and cut away to Toga and Ochako before anyone could get a word in. Skeptic utilized the power of Freak Shounen Coincidence to magically zero in on Ochako and Tsuyu amongst the fleeing crowd. Toga was all “IS THAT OCHAKO” and immediately leaped down to fight them, ignoring Spinner’s heartfelt speeches about Villain Found Family because fight now, hug later!! Down in the streets of some unidentified crumbling city, Ochako was approached by a sweet old lady and was all “I better help this sweet old lady who is definitely not leading me into a trap”, which unfortunately turned out to be poor decision-making on her part. Anyway so now she and Toga are going to throw down. AND ALSO, P.S., BEST JEANIST IS STILL ALIVE, and that doesn’t really have anything to do with anything right now, but BY GOLLY I JUST HAD TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS.

Today on BnHA: Iida and Hadou are all “is it our turn yet”, and Horikoshi is all “yes”, and so the two of them finally burst onto the scene and are all “hello Shouto, Gigantomachia is on his way, btw do you need help” and so they all get ready to fight Tomura together. Meanwhile in Unnamed Ochako And Toga Fight Town, Toga is all “what’s up Ochako, oh is this the All Might doll Deku gave you, I guess you must like Deku as well, just like me, we truly are the same, btw I can use other people’s quirks now” before she vanishes in a flurry of knives and ambiguity, as mysteriously as she came. So that’s a thing that happened. The chapter ends with Gigantomachia and the League STOMPIN’ ONTO THE SCENE, JUST IN TIME FOR ENDEAVOR TO WAKE UP AND BE ALL “OHHHHH SHIT.” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT, “OH SHIT.” Finally the pieces are in place for Dabi to reveal his true identity to Hadou and Iida, JUST LIKE WE ALL EXPECTED.

before I start, thank you so much to everyone who sent birthday messages on Wednesday!! I had a good day; my quarantine impulse purchase guitar that I ordered months ago but had been backordered finally arrived, and so now I can do something productive with my time as I continue to while away these months in isolation! not to say that capslocking over fictional characters and their shounen escapades doesn’t also count as being productive lmao. anyways, my fingers hurt so typing is kind of a bitch right now, but I’m having fun still. IF KAMINARI CAN DO IT THEN SO CAN I

anyway so let’s see what mishaps my various catastrophe-prone children are getting up to this week

okay there are several things happening in this panel which I want to comment on

IIDA!!!

HADOU!!!

“some time after” jesus fucking christ though, how long have Deku and the rest actually been fighting?? like it’s absolutely absurd to imagine that they’ve been managing to hold off Tomura for more than a few minutes, and yet everything we’ve seen these last couple of chapters suggests that this is indeed the case. which is just pure insanity tbh. excuse me sir, but I have an emotionally maturing son, a homewrecking grandpa, and a sleep-deprived one-legged platonic husband who are all in DIRE NEED of medical attention just FYI

lastly, I direct your attention to these two cool cats in the background who are both riding on hover surfboards. living it up like it’s Back to the Future. why are there two of them. do they both just happen to have the exact same quirk. what are the odds. ARE THEY TWINS. I want to know everything about them dammit

anyway so Hadou is asking Iida why he’s tagging along, because unlike the others, he can’t fly and is thus vulnerable to Tomura’s attacks and such

well Hadou I’ll have you know that it his DUTY AS THE CLASS PRESIDENT to tag along and THAT’S WHY

oh shit you guys IIDA SAID “FUCK THE LAW”

“plus Bakugou-kun, whom I am not particularly close to, but nonetheless hold nothing personal against!” well uh, kind of a weird distinction to make there bro, but okay. listen everyone, it’s a tense situation; if Iida feels the need to clarify the ins and outs of his interpersonal relationships with each of the people he’s rescuing then please just respect that okay

anyways though have I mentioned how much I fucking love Iida Tenya though you guys. feels like I haven’t mentioned that enough. I LOVE HIM. there

FINALLY

AFTER THREE WHOLE WEEKS WE FINALLY CUT BACK. OH MY GOD. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG OF A TIME THAT IS TO BE HOLDING YOUR BREATH. [EXHALES]

is it bad that my immediate reaction to this page was A LOT OF LAUGHING, though. fkldlksh this entire situation is SO ABJECTLY TERRIBLE that if I were Shouto I would almost be fighting the urge to look around for a hidden camera at this point. ASHTON KUTCHER WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE. OH THANK GOD, IT WAS ALL JUST A PRANK

anyway so uh. heh. how screwed are we at this point, exactly. oh and also, whose speech bubbles are these. who the fuck would look at this situation and these bleeding children and say “HA!” what kind of monster. just ignore that paragraph right before this one please

OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT

TOMURA I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M SAYING THIS, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO AFO FOR ONCE AND JUST LEAVE

pretty please. we kind of have a situation here. not that I wouldn’t love to see what this icy flamey boi could do if push came to shove, but I also have had just about enough of watching children get maimed for today though

OH SHIT

THE TIMING OF THIS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL BUT I DO NOT CARE!! THE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED THANK GOD

“WHAT UP GUYS, WE BROUGHT YOU SOME TERRIBLE NEWS” FKLSHLKHLK

WELL GEE IIDA THANKS SO FUCKING MUCH!!

lmaoooo a wild Lida has been spotted what the fuck is this translation though

I don’t know which is better, the “Lida” (DO YOU EVEN READ THE SERIES BRO), or the “CHRIST” gkfhkg. CLASSIC LIDA

OH SNAP HADOU

sobbing at Manual cradling the still-warm corpse of Gran Torino like a tiny baby khlk;h. BUT ANYWAYS HADOU SAW HER TEACHER ALL BLOODIED UP AND IS READY TO THROW DOWN, YESSSSS, THE MY LADIES ACADEMIA ARC CONTINUES

(ETA: listen you guys, there were many things at the end of this chapter that brought me joy, but perhaps none more than the inclusion of Hadou in the final two page spread looking all serious alongside the Todorokis, as if she has any fucking clue at all wtf is going on slfkhlkhgghsl. what I wouldn’t give to see her and Deku and Iida all making frantic bewildered eye contact at each other throughout the next chapter lmao.)

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT DEKU

ARE YOU PROPPING YOURSELF UP WITH YOUR ARM THAT’S IN SPLINTERS, I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE YOU RIGHT NOW. SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP SOME SENSE INTO THIS CHILD. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN

LMAO TODO’S READY TO TAKE AFOMURA ON. THE SHARED HERO BRAINCELL HAS ALREADY EXPIRED. FUCK IT LET’S DO THIS

“true, I already watched him murder my dad, my boyfriend, my other boyfriend, my teacher, and dozens of other people, but gosh darn it, I just feel like the fifteenth time’s the charm you guys.” shit, I ain’t even mad. who’s up for yet another episode of Todoroki Shouto Attempts to Murder a Bitch

-- “TIME TO CUT AWAY!!” laughs Horikoshi as he gleefully dodges out of reach before I can punch him, that SON OF A --

goddammit. you’re just lucky that I’m invested in the girl power fight too

YESSSSS OCHAKO

DON’T BE SORRY FOR KICKING ASS! NEVER BE SORRY FOR KICKING ASS

damn, looks like she managed to touch Toga’s shirt but not Toga herself. both of them are so fast

now Toga is monologuing from the shadows

we’ve all been there, Toga. sometimes you see someone you really like and it’s just like, ahhhhhh gotta kill them am I right

lol I love Toga so much you guys, but I’m also kind of wincing in anticipation of whatever essays are gonna materialize out of the fandom this week explaining how hero society has failed her utterly and she is just a victim here. CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW SHE JUST WANTED FREEDOM TO BE HERSELF AND MURDER A BUNCH OF PEOPLE flhkklhl

OH SNAP SHE WENT AND TOLD HER THE THING!!

and it was fucking awesome and scary as shit, Ochako. like damn, still sends a chill up my spine just thinking about it

anyway so now Toga is continuing to explain that she can use the quirks of whoever she transforms into

and Ochako is kind of freaking out, which I don’t blame her for, since it’s probably really upsetting to hear that your stolen blood and quirk were used to murder a bunch of people. shit

so now she’s all “WTF WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL ME THAT”

??? was this somehow the wrong answer?

for fuck’s sake. Toga you literally came down here to ask her if she would be willing to kill you, and here she is telling you “I would never be happy about killing someone, that’s fucked up”, and you’re all “......”

like come on though, what else do you want her to say?? and why does Ochako look so shocked now

OOP

LMAO

THEIR FACES DKSLHFKG. TOGA NO THAT IS MEAN. and jesus christ Ochako it’s just a toy. I know it has Sentimental Value and shit but is this really the thing to be getting distracted about right now

FOR FUCK’S SAKE

JIN-KUN WHOM OCHAKO HAS NEVER FUCKING MET?? THAT JIN-KUN??!

OM NOM NOM

this entire confrontation makes absolutely zero sense to me you guys. just. Horikoshi was all, “this is the kind of stuff girls talk about when they’re battling to the death, right?” just, are you okay my dude

anyway so Toga has somehow deduced that Ochako got the doll from Deku, which means that she and Ochako are exactly alike in every way, and this is somehow an important plot point, and now they’re finally getting back to the fight lulz

OH SHIT

OCHAKO BOUT TO SLAP THE SHIT OUT TOGA WITH THIS BOOKCASE ON A STRING AND THIS LOUIS BAG OH FUCK

so now Toga’s all excited and she’s all “THERE’S SOMETHING I OUGHT TO TELL YOU, I’M NOT LEFT HANDED EITHER” oh snap

fuck, it almost feels like she’s trying to warn her. Ochako idk maybe you should run shit I do not like this ( ﾟдﾟ)

but of course she is not running, and she’s all “I’ll have you take responsibility for your actions”

HEY NOW

WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING, DID TOGA JUST FUCKING MURDER TSUYU, WHAT THE FUCK. I AM TERRIFIED, I DON’T WANT TO SCROLL DOWN, SHE THREW LIKE FOURTEEN KNIVES INTO THE DARKNESS, WHAT THE FUCK

OH

IT’S POSSIBLE THAT I MAY HAVE OVERREACTED

so did Toga just Swip a bunch of knives for no reason and then abscond, lol what. CAN ANYBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE PURPOSE OF THAT ENTIRE SCENE WAS. ASIDE FROM GETTING TO SEE OCHAKO TRY AND YEET A BOOKCASE AT SOMEONE

fuck, she was crying??

DID MY GIRL TOGA JUST KILL AN OLD WOMAN, NAKEDLY LURE OCHAKO INTO A BUILDING, ANTAGONIZE HER INTO SAYING “I’LL MAKE YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR KILLING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE YOU FELT LIKE IT”, STEAL HER DOLL, GIVE HER DOLL BACK, TELL HER “OH SO YOU LIKE DEKU TOO HUH? BTW I CAN USE OTHER PEOPLE’S QUIRKS”, AND THEN RUN AWAY CRYING??? BRUH

-- OH SHIT, OH FUCK

[SIRENS BLARING WILDLY] [AUDIENCE LEAPING OUT OF THEIR SEATS] [T-SHIRT CANNONS BOOMING IN THE AIR] [VIKING WAR HORN SOUNDS IN THE DISTANCE] FUUUUUUUUUCK

well never the fuck mind about Ochako and Toga and WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT ALL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, I guess, BECAUSE!! MACHIA MADNESS HAS ARRIVED. SPEARS SHALL BE SHAKEN!!! SHIELDS SHALL BE SPLINTERED!!

AND LOOK WHO WOKE UP FROM HIS NUMBER ONE HERO BEAUTY NAP RIGHT ON CUE, TOO!!! ATTENTION ALL PASSENGERS... IIIIIIIIIIT’S TOUYA TIMEEEEEEEE

[ssaalexblake]

You know, i’d always looked at the narrative not really portraying as the yaz x 13 relationship as necessarily requited as them displaying 13′s issues, she wants her friends there and needs them there for her mental health and peace of mind but she also Doesn’t want to be too attached, either. Doesn’t want them too close, doesn’t want a reminder of all those times 12 got deeply hurt by his attachments to humans, doesn’t want to think of these three dead like Grace. Cannot deal with the possibility of loving any of them and losing them. 

But i’d never before considered that 13′s lack of response to Yaz might be a side effect of Yaz’s behaviour? Like, i mean, we learn in Can You Hear Me? That Yaz has one of those tragic back stories. We learn that that bullying she spoke of that motivates her to help others was a Very abridged version of the whole story. We see a not necessarily explicit memory of Yaz wanting to die, but a Heavily implied one. We already knew Yaz chose to channel the effect of her victimization into helping others in the same situation/stop it happening to them full stop. The memory shows us that Yaz chose to approach this goal by emulating this lady police officer who stopped to help her. 

This tells us a lot of important things. It shows us Why they decided to make Yaz a police officer when they genuinely have not used this as a plot point. At all. To the point it was a bit weird. It shows us that her emulation of 13 isn’t a isolated incident, Yaz who secretly has very low self esteem will mimic and copy those she admires or believes are doing good in the world will model herself Around those people. This one memory kind of contextualizes her whole character but narratively, the way they chose to illustrate it actively prevents anybody but the audience from knowing about Yaz’s hidden depths and troubled past. Her walls remain up. 

In as such... I don’t really think anybody but Sonya knows the genuine Yasmin Khan. Maybe her parents, but it’s also shown in the memory that they didn’t understand what was going on. Her sister is the keeper of Yaz’s history, she is the only one who knows her truly and deeply, imo, we don’t know if Yaz was honest with her sister or was just unable to keep this all from her, either way, Sonya knows her sister fully and loves her deeply. 

So... Yaz loves 13. Under the assumption that Yaz would want that to be reciprocated (which, okay, may not be true... But u want people you love to lover you back even when you Know it’ll be a disaster in the end, you just do)... Is Yaz herself the thing that is preventing the reciprocation of this love? 

13 doesn’t know her! Not really, Sonya’s the only one who does that. If 13 is only getting the cliff notes of Yasmin Khan, Would she love her? Yaz is not letting herself be seen, because she doesn’t really realize what is there to be seen underneath it all is a woman who is inherently worthy in general and of love. In keeping herself from 13, is Yaz orchestrating her own failure in deliberately maintaining a distance?

I’d until now kind of assumed this lack of reciprocation was a 13 thing... And yeah, she Does have a lot of issues here that i am sure are playing a big part in her reticence. But I'm starting to think Yaz is orchestrating her own failure here as well... How would 13 love her if she doesn’t Know her?

I’ve always thought that the Yaz mental health/self esteem plot And the thasmin plot could coexist peacefully... Yaz places the doctor on a pedestal, yes, and is trying to emulate her from a lack of self worth, but... Sometimes we just need somebody to love us who doesn’t ‘have’ to. Sonya’s her sister, she loves her, but sometimes it’s easy to say that doesn’t count because duh, she’s my sister, she’s Supposed to love me despite the fights and competition. 

I feel like 13 actually genuinely knowing the Real, hidden Yaz that she never tells anybody about and then loving her deeply anyway might actually show Yaz that she, herself Is worth it. 13, a person Yaz loves and admires still even after she takes her off the pedestal, who didn’t have any strong reactions of feelings towards her when she was putting up a front actually genuinely loving her deeply and insistently back once she Drops the façade may actually just clue Yaz in that yes, she is loved and worthy and good enough by doing nothing but being herself. 

I still think Yaz should end up some kind of mental health worker, she ended up police because she was ‘saved’ by a police woman who was called to a mental health emergency and then Yaz then evidently linked That to how to help other people hurt like her. But Yaz in her very first Scene is unsatisfied with the job... We learn much later it’s because she wants to be helping people like herself. The problem here, of course, is that police are called in for mental health emergencies and not, you know, trained medical professionals. 

Yaz is unsatisfied in her job because she’s in the wrong job, because the person who came to check on her should never have been police. So in emulating her she’s ended up screwing herself over in this situation as well, as much as her hiding herself away from 13 has backfired, her choosing to emulate this lady instead of working it out her own way Also left her frustrated and bored, feeling useless. 

Yaz needs to find her Own way, not use other peoples ways. 

So i guess my ideal endgame is 13 loving her back, but loving the Yaz that Yaz tries to hide. And then Yaz leaving off her own back to quit her job, not because her urge to help people like herself has changed, but because she realises doing it Yaz’s way is a better way to achieve it instead of copying somebody else, and then seeking employment in the mental health field for teenagers. You know, the type of people who should have helped 16 year old her to start with. 

This era repeatedly screws over characters who don’t submit to being Known, and rewards those who do submit to the risk and terror of truly showing themselves to other people, and while we consistently call 13 out for being Very private and not consenting to share any of herself with others, Yaz is equally as guilty and it keeps screwing her over.