#I mean babe there’s something so wretched about you something so precious about you don’t you agree? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

puckrph · 5 years ago

Text

HOZIER SENTENCE STARTERS

taken from hozier’s first album & his ep from eden. feel free to change pronouns, etc!

TAKE ME TO CHURCH

‘ you’re the giggle at a funeral. ’ ‘ i should’ve worshiped you sooner. ’ ‘ if the heavens ever did speak, you’re the last true mouthpiece. ’ ‘ the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you. ’ ‘ i was born sick, but i love it. ’ ‘ i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. ’ ‘ i’ll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife. ’ ‘ let me give you my life. ’ ‘ if i’m a pagan of the good times, my lover’s the sunlight. ’ ‘ that looks tasty. ’ ‘ there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. ’

ANGEL OF SMALL DEATH & THE CODEINE SCENE

‘ we’re shaking the wings of our terrible youths. ’ ‘ i lurched like a stray to the arms that were open. ’ ‘ with your sweetened breath and your tongue so mean, you’re the angel of small death and the codeine scene. ’ ‘ i lay my heart down with the rest at your feet. ’ ‘ it’s bloody and raw, but i swear it is sweet. ’

JACKIE AND WILSON

‘ so tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes. ’ ‘ you found me just in time. ’ ‘ i never felt young. ’ ‘ you’re gonna save me. ’ ‘ call me ‘baby,’ run your hands through my hair. ’ ‘ we’ll steal a lexus, be detectives, ride around picking up clues. ’ ‘ it’d be great to find a place we could escape to sometime. ’ ‘ i’m happy to lie back, watch it burn and rust. ’ ‘ i tried the world; good god, it wasn’t for me. ’

SOMEONE NEW

‘ you knew who i was with every step that i ran to you. ’ ‘ would things be easier if there was a right way? there is no right way. ’ ‘ i fall in love just a little bit every day with someone new. ’ ‘ there’s an art to life’s distraction. ’ ‘ some like to imagine the dark caress of someone else; i guess any thrill will do. ’

TO BE ALONE

‘ i never feel to good in crowds with folks around. ’ ‘ all i’ve ever done is hide. ’ ‘ when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes, i feel like a person for a moment of my life. ’ ‘ you don’t know what hell you put me through. ’ ‘ it feels good to be alone with you. ’ ‘ now at last the worst is over. ’ ‘ i know you hate this place. not a trace of me would argue. ’ ‘ we should run away. ’

FROM EDEN

‘ there’s something tragic about you. ’ ‘ there’s something so magic about you. ’ ‘ there’s something lonesome about you - something so wholesome about you. ’ ‘ get closer to me. ’ ‘ you’re familiar. ’ ‘ idealism sits in prison; chivalry fell on its sword. ’ ‘ innocence died screaming - ask me, i should know. ’ ‘ i slithered here from eden just to sit outside your door. ’ ‘ there’s something wretched about this. ’ ‘ there’s something so precious about this. ’ ‘ to the strand, a picnic planned for you and me - a rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree. ’

IN A WEEK

‘ i have never known peace. ’ ‘ i have never known hunger like these insects that feast on me. ’ ‘ we’ll lay here for years or for hours - thrown here or found, to freeze or to thaw - so long we become the flowers. ’ ‘ they’d find us in a week. ’ ‘ i’d be home with you. ’ ‘ i have never known colours like this morning reveals to me. ’ ‘ you haven’t moved an inch; such that i would not know if you sleep always like this, the flesh calmly growing cold. ’

SEDATED

‘ just a little rush, babe, to feel dizzy, to derail the mind of me. ’ ‘ my veins are busy, but my heart’s in atrophy. ’ ‘ you and i, nursing on a poison that never stung - our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it. ’ ‘ free and young, and we can feel none of it. ’ ‘ i’m somewhere outside my life. i keep scratching, but somehow i can’t get in. ’ ‘ i’m a slave to any semblance of touch. ’ ‘ i should cool it, but i love it too much. ’ ‘ don’t you stand there watching, won’t you come and save me? ’ ‘ don’t you join in, you’re supposed to drag me away from it. ’

WORK SONG

‘ i’m so full of love, i could barely eat. ’ ‘ you give me toothaches just from kissing me. ’ ‘ when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth. no grave will hold my body down; i’ll crawl home to you. ’ ‘ i didn’t care much how long i lived. ’ ‘ i swear, i thought i dreamed you. you never asked me once about the wrong i did. ’

LIKE REAL PEOPLE DO

‘ i had a thought about that night. ’ ‘ why were you digging? ’ ‘ what did you bury? ’ ‘ i will not ask you where you came from. ’ ‘ honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips. ’ ‘ we should just kiss like real people do. ’ ‘ i know that look: eyes always seeking. ’ ‘ i will not ask you why you were creeping. in some sad way i already know. ’

IT WILL COME BACK

‘ you know better. ’ ‘ don’t give me a hand. ’ ‘ don’t let me in with no intention to keep me - jesus crhist, don’t be kind to me. ’ ‘ you know better than to smile at me like that. ’ ‘ you know better than to hold me just like that. ’ ‘ i know who i am when i’m alone. i’m something else when i see you. ’ ‘ you don’t understand. you should never know how easy you are to need. ’ ‘ through the cold, i’ll find my way back to you. ’ ‘ give me mercy no more; that’s a kindness you can’t afford. ’

FOREIGNER’S GOD

‘ you move with shameless wonder. ’ ‘ my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man’s belief. ’ ‘ screaming the name of a foreigner’s god: the purest expression of grief. ’ ‘ i’ve no language left to say it, but all i do is quake to you. ’ ‘ all that i’ve been taught and every word i’ve got is foreign to me. ’

CHERRY WINE

‘ your eyes and words are so icy, but you burn like rum on a fire. ’ ‘ i walk my days on a wire. ’ ‘ don’t fuss over me. ’ ‘ the blood is rare, and sweet as cherry wine. ’ ‘ but i want it. ’ ‘ it’s a crime that you’re not around most of the time. ’ ‘ your fight and fury’s fiery. ’ ‘ you love like sleep to the freezing. ’ ‘ i’m all but washed in the tide of your breathing. ’ ‘ it’s worth it. ’ ‘ it’s divine that i have this some of the time. ’

IN THE WOODS SOMEWHERE

‘ i heard a scream in the woods somewhere. ’ ‘ what caused the wound? ’ ‘ i forgot all prayers of joining you. ’ ‘ my dearest love, i’m not done yet. ’ ‘ i found something. ’

RUN

‘ rare is this love. ’ ‘ i need you to run to me, lover. ’ ‘ i know what it is to grow beneath her sky. ’ ‘ you’re the cause of every tear i’d ever weep. ’

ARSONIST’S LULLABY

‘ when i was a child, i heard voices. ’ ‘ i heard voices. ’ ‘ you soon find you have few choices. ’ ‘ i can barely tear my eyes away. ’ ‘ all you have is your fire and the place you need to reach. ’ ‘ don’t ever tame your demons - but always keep them on a leash. ’ ‘ something will always rule me. ’ ‘ i thought it ended when i knew love’s perfect ache. ’ ‘ my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake. ’

MY LOVE WILL NEVER DIE

‘ you’ve done me wrong for a long, long time. ’ ‘ i never changed my mind. ’ ‘ please try to love me. ’ ‘ my love will never die. ’ ‘ flowers will grow where i’m laid to rest. pick a blossom and hold it to your breast.’

#sentence starters #rp sentence starters #rp meme #rp starters #rp memes #hozier sentence starters

450 notes · View notes

allyvampirelass29 · 4 years ago

Text

Murder at Cripple Creek

A NOS4A2 Review By: Allyssa J. Watkins

A boomtown swimming with ghosts Dead eyes can't hide Their hedonist living Drinking, debauchery and sinning Scarlet ladies having babies But a whorehouse is not a home Trading flesh for coin Tempting patrons, at the sacrifice of your boy Little Charlie grew up in the hellish dark The sins of the mother Scarring the son's heart Murder brewing in this simmering fleshpot Oh Hateful Harlot, Mother Manx Is is to your neglect and bitter thanks Your baby boy, molested, and you can't protect Your little dreamer from the wicked world you wrought for him Blood on a beautiful boy's hands But the only thing murdered here Is his innocence. Sending his rapist and that lustful bitch Back to hell Charlie, Charlie you're not a villain You had to save yourself.......

Is...... anyone alive out there? It's been days, and I'm still sobbing, my heart desolated by the roiling emotional turmoil, my ignited rage murderous. I don't know about you guys, but...... I'm an absolute wreck. WHY are you DOING this to me, NOS4A2!?!? After the brilliant turn of last week, the sleek sophistication, and glamourous entrapment, "Cripple Creek," was a backhand strike, a blatant violation that I never saw coming, and I spent the entire episode, quivering, sobbing, pleading desperately behind my hands plastered over my face, watching between my fingers, helpless to stop the punishing abuse My Charlie suffers in two different timelines, his bruises of an abused childhood mingling with the fresh wounds of now, as he is tortured, beaten and berated by Bing Partridge!!!

I hated this episode. I HATED it. There, I said it. But I think you're supposed to, I think that was the sole purpose of this traumatizing ordeal. However, as far as Bing (GO TO HELL YOU FILTHY BASTARD) is concerned, the writer's motivation seems drastically convoluted. If this was supposed to be Bing's Big Epiphany, his "redemption," (Ughhh seriously?) This episode fails miserably in accomplishing that. And if this episode was meant to do, what I had predicted back in Season One, cement him as the actual villain of NOS4A2, making him the more immoral evil, be his rise in notoriety, his coming of age as it were, into the monster he was always going to be, giving Charlie and Vic someone to unite their hatred against, it fails to do that too. The biggest misstep of the series, after so elegant a triumph, I'm going to drown my sorrows in ice cream, and try to forget that any of it ever happened. Close your eyes, and think of Christmasland........

I audibly groaned when we opened onto Bing at the Lake House. After so much needless repetition in an otherwise FLAWLESS episode, I REALLY did not want to relive Bing's point of view of the siege, unless it was him getting shot by white knight Chris McQueen over, and over, and over........ Thankfully, the rewind didn't last too long, but I was having NONE of his, "Are you there, God, it's me, Bing Partridge," moment!!! On his knees in the graveyard, (Why...... why are we in a graveyard?) Bing appeals to the heavens, proclaiming his own innocence, asking God to show him what he should do next. I snickered coldly, the whole thing melodramatic, and absurd, as he cries, "I've been so good!!!" Secretly, I was fantasizing about Buffy SLAYING his creepster ass in the graveyard, beating him bloody, before staking him in the heart with a witty saying like, "It's been a gas, Bing, but I get the last laugh!!!" Alas, alack, no such luck. His appeal to the heavens was answered not in divine intervention, but with bird droppings splattering in his mouth, which of course, translated in Bing-A-Ling Logic to, "Kill the FIRST person that tries to help you, bury him in the freshly dug grave, and take his keys!!!" It's PRAYING Bing, you dolt, not preying!!!

While the side quest FINALLY explains how Bing was able to catch up to Charlie and Wayne, after previously believed to be on foot, not to mention shot, which would have been IMPOSSIBLE, supernatural car not withstanding, it's altogether unnecessary. It was the less than scenic route to get to last week's blood-curdling cliff hanger, and I really think we could have done without all the maudlin hullaballoo, and picked right up from there. Also, it creeped me out BIG TIME hearing Bing Partridge say, "Hidey holes," because that's what I called them last week, when Charlie was adorably telling Wayne about his hiding places. "Look at you with your hidey holes, Babe!!!" Needless to say, Bing has ruined that phrase for me FOREVER!!!

"Charlie, Charlie, telling lies, soon he will be crying cries......" A chilling foreboding that was like ice in my veins........ I was definitely crying cries...... I literally WEPT with this horrid little rhyme, and even still I was so naïve, unprepared, for the gut-churning horror that waited in the shadows of a broken little boy's murdered childhood, and the degradation of the beautiful soul that survived it. It's one of the most grueling, and disturbing things, I've ever watched, and like my Darling Boy, strapped to the chair, enduring forced interrogation by gassing, brutal beatings by Bing's homicidal, ham-fisted punches, and some....... deeply unsettling sexual innuendo, I felt like I was the one getting tortured.........

I did utterly enjoy Charlie's feigned relief, as he uses that silver tongue, in valiant effort, to slip his way out of this sickening predicament. "Bing, My Dear Fellow, thank the stars! I thought you had been done in by those wretched McQueens!!" Charlie gasps, thankfully, knowing full well he'd left Bing behind to die, and for good reason. Any other time, this would have worked, Charlie would have used his coaxing charm, and Bing's oafish gullibility, twisted them into a breathtaking manipulation, weaving the lie that he had no choice but to leave him behind, and Bing would have eaten it out of the palm of his hand, because he wants that badly for it to be true. But Bing watched it happen, his face falling, as Charlie sped off without him, and he's DONE playing. Charlie's pleas fall on deaf ears, as Bing drugs him for answers, revealing the fatalities of every single one of Charlie's former accomplices, and with the finality of one apocalyptic truth....... Bing descends into a frenzied, foaming madness.

"Cripple Creek," is the double edged sword that none of us were meant to survive. Switching between the stabbing scenes of Charlie's withering assault, his lifeline to The Wraith, cruelly severed, and the slicing violation of his childhood self, his innocence massacred before our very eyes, our bleeding hearts never stood a chance. I always knew that Charlie's childhood was going to be horrid, downright Dickensian, devoid of magic and light, unloved by his drunk, whore mother, but I had no idea the HELL this beautiful boy endured at so tender an age, forever scarred, betrayed by the one person he trusted, respected, desperately in need of a father figure, only to be exploited in the most heinous way. It's a MIRACLE My Precious Love can even function as an adult, much less still manage to find wonder and beauty in the world, clinging, clawing to hold onto his ember, his remnant of pure light that persevered in a life of darkness.

The inexplicable joy at seeing a young Charlie Manx, aged 11 or 12, tapdancing on stage, along with the giddy marvel that this young actor looks just like our leading man in miniature, is short-lived, as a stranger takes an uncomfortable interest in him....... I don't know how, maybe it was the intent way he watched him dance, or the way he touched his shoulder a little too long, but I knew........ I KNEW this man was going to sexually abuse Charles, I felt it gnawing in my stomach, instantly unnerved, and I hoped with all my heart, my first instinct was wrong....... I'm devastated to say........ it was not.

Not only does this manipulative pedophile Son of a BITCH molest my baby, he first uses him to persuade other boys to flock to his house, knowing full well how much the young ones look up to Charlie, as their leader. He wins Charlie's favour and trust by befriending him, and giving our little darling the one thing he wants more than anything else. Escape. Escape from the vulgar, gratuitously sexual environment, that no young boy should have to endure, a chance to make money, have an honest, respectable living. A chance to have a father figure, a man to look up to, learn from, and take him under his wing. The shop owner offers all of that, with a crooked smile, the charade falling dangerously away, as he knocks back a shot glass, eying our boy, and then says in the cruelest, most chilling voice. "You've earned yourself some fun........"

Thankfully, NOS4A2 was not overly graphic in this lewd portrayal, but the innuendo was enough to make me ugly cry, and seethe, as this sweet child is violated by someone he admires so much, realizing in horror, that he led all of his friends to be mishandled in this same disgusting manner, like lambs to the slaughter. But our brave little Manx was NOT going to let this sin go unpunished, and I clapped, cheering him on, as he uses his sled, now tainted by its means of acquisition, to kill the shopkeeper, dark fire flashing in his eyes, blood splattering on the shot glass, and I've never been so happy, or nervously relieved to see someone die.

His mother comes to him, and instead of crying, and taking her boy in her arms, stroking his dark curls, soothing his fear, and assuaging his guilt, she just scoffs at his accusation, the picture of apathy, and places the blame back on him. "You knew too, Charlie!!!" You WHORE-ABLE Mother!!! Your son was just sexually ASSAULTED, and YOU DARE make it his own fault, like he'd turned a blind eye, and therefore deserved to get raped!?!? Charlie might not have killed her, if she'd actually had a maternal bone in her body, if she'd done SOMETHING, shown any sign of regret or compassion, but she doesn't, and I feel nothing but proud as he finishes her off too. Her death was surprising, given the admonishing way Charlie talks about his mother, creating the impression that she'd been a bane on his existence his entire life, and yes, as a writer, I wanted to see more of a direct conflict between them to make that defining moment that much more satisfying, but as a viewer, I was just grateful she was dead, and Charlie was free. The only murder perpetrated, the only death I mourned at Cripple Creek, was that of Charlie's innocence, his childhood slaughtered.

Meanwhile, Bing continues to torture Charlie in the present day, my chest shuddering with every thrown punch, and I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming. What was the deafening truth spoken that sends Bing Partridge into a flailing rage, you ask?

"Christmasland is for children. We are special...... That's why we can't go......."

Charlie was never going to take Bing to Christmasland. All that this poor dope had lived for, dreamed of, for eight years, amidst his conning his way into dentists' offices, and offing mothers, and it was always a lie. I had suspected it the entire time, especially after the mention of a, "special feast," but what SHOCKED me the most, was the unimaginable heartbreak of Charlie's own deepest secret coming to light, and as Bing draws it forth, it's like drawing blood. In spite of being the architect of his lifelong dream, and greatest solace from a life full of abject misery, Charlie doesn't think he deserves Christmasland, because he sees himself as ruined........

I broke down sobbing, that pain, that anguish, that he's so long carried with him, ripping through me, and I'm tearing up even as I write this, remembering....... Charlie denying himself his own dream, seeing himself as a ruined article that might profane its pure vision, is a tragedy that I can't come back from. It's a sorrowful, aching confession, and yet somehow it explains so much, and in this, his greatest pain, his darkest secret, I felt intimately closer to him. At last........ we see why Charlie never stays long in his Christmas kingdom, why he's so focused on the next child, and the next, sacrificing time with his own daughter, because they deserve Christmasland, and he doesn't. Always the courier, never the partaker. Christmasland is for children, and Charlie Manx never got the chance to be one.

The searing pains of his past still guide so much of who he is today, placing a strict emphasis on propriety in every aspect of his person, in manner, speech, and dress, because he was robbed of his dignity as a child. I also, FINALLY, after two seasons, understand why he turns the children into vampires, a contradiction to his love of them, that has remained frustratingly elusive to my grasp. Charlie's childhood was taken from him, brought to a vulnerable, violent end, and by turning the Lost Children, theirs becomes eternal. They never have to grow up, and lose that purity, that innocence. I also realized, that by giving them their bite back, they are able to defend themselves, meaning no one can ever hurt them again.......

There was so much awful going on, so much inflicted misery, and disorienting chaos, that I was sure I'd heard wrong when Bing decides on an even more dehumanizing method of torture. Did Bing just...... call Charlie a BITCH!? I shook my head, but there it was again, and at this point I'd HAD it. Somebody give me a GUN, I will WASTE this SICK BASTARD myself!!! The skeevy sexual threat against Charlie felt like overkill to me, utterly ridiculous, a cheap shot at adding dramatic effect, especially in the face of his childhood shame. Bing has exhibited absolutely no inclination of...... swinging that way, as it were, before, and yeah they kind of threw in last minute that he'd done this to Mike's father, offscreen, but I don't know WHY he would do that, especially given his particular affinity for Mike. Charlie, himself, pointed out that there was no indication in the Graveyard of What Might Be that Mike needed saving, or that his father deserved punishing. It's awkward, and disturbing, and there seemed to me no method in this madness.

"If I'm a monster....... who deserves to die....... You deserve so much worse." BAM. Hell yeah, Babe!!! Thank GOD, Charlie's quick enough to convince Bing that he too is a monster, and we are spared any further asinine innuendo. Bing, after these series of unfortunate events, beating, berating, and threatening Charlie with rape, suddenly, deus ex machina-esque has a change of heart, and an epiphany that comes a LOT TOO LATE!!! We're both monsters, we BOTH deserve to die....... What we're doing is WRONG. Was I happy when Bing urged Wayne to go, and tell a police officer that his mom is Vic McQueen? Yes. Do I believe he did it out of the goodness of his heart, and has finally seen the light? Freaking HELL NO!!! Bing, after losing Christmasland, has nothing left to live for, and this is his way of giving up. If I can't go to Christmasland, Wayne can't go...... and he decides a bizarre murder/suicide in The Wraith is his final act of redemption.

Before they even showed the car crusher, I was already sobbing profusely, losing my freaking mind, because I had figured out exactly where Bing had taken Charlie.

"There's going to be two less monsters in the world........"

Meaning to crush them both, and kill the Wraith irrevocably, Bing puts on his mask, and presses the button. At first Wayne laughs, and thinks it's a game, his inner vampire child coming out, but when it hits him that Charlie's in actual danger, he realizes he has a choice to make....... Save Charlie Manx, or let him die, and go home safe to his Mom and Lou.

"No, My Boy, this isn't a game, it's time to play, Save Father Christmas!!!"

Charlie calls out frantically, coaxingly to his young charge, and I loved that so much, my heart overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, Wayne, PRETTY PLEASE save Father Christmas!!! A lot of people despised him for what happened next, screaming at Wayne for his choice, even calling him a stupid kid, but I, myself, felt even more love in my heart for that already dearly cherished little lad, as he smiles, and slams down on the button, halting the crusher, and saving Charlie from imminent death.

It's a profound moment, the abductee choosing to save his kidnapper's life, and many cried out strongly against it, but you have to understand....... Charlie Manx has become so much more to Wayne than the scary face in his mother's paintings. Here is a man that has shown genuine interest in his life, his hopes, his dreams, who has treated him gently, fussed over him, concerned, and who has come to love him like a father. Couple that with The Wraith's effects on Wayne, slowly tying the two of them together, it makes perfect sense to me, how this unexpected bond has formed. Yes, had Vic been there, herself, he would have chosen her over Charlie in a second, but when faced with the reality of letting Charlie die, our tender-hearted Bats just couldn't do it.

"Do think of me at Christmastime, won't you?"

CHARLIE. LIKE. A. BOSS!!!! The single greatest moment, and brightest scene in an hour of plunging darkness, is definitely Charlie, snapping back into his delectably dark, unrivaled perfection (although, I must say I still found him incredibly dashing in his distinguished grays) charging Bing Partridge, murder striking in his wild, smouldering eyes, stabbing him, with a reveling whisper, twisting the knife, with this most PERFECT line, that gave me wonderous, reverberating chills!!! I also LOVED how Charlie glowers in his lumpy face and says, "You were never special." DAMN that's HOT!!! My only grievance with an otherwise ENTHRALLING moment, was that inexplicably, yet again, CHARLIE DIDN'T KILL BING!!! Charlie has KILLED for so much less, and while he did offer a vague explanation about prison being so much worse for Bing than hell, it felt like hell frozen over that Charlie would ever let Bing live. I know this is the writers wanting to keep Bing around to creep another day, but MY GOD, hang that Partridge from a pear tree, and HAVE DONE already!!!!!

This was an especially dark episode, but there were flashes of some really beautiful, albeit fleeting moments, first with Wayne and Craig, and then with Millie and Cassie, though the reoccurring theme, the common thread, did seem to be Innocence Lost. I was startled with the The Wraith's sneaky trick of causing a child to forget their parents the longer they are in the car, and BLESS YOU, Craig for helping your son remember his mother, and fight the transformation!!! He tells Wayne that Vic's favourite movie was Jaws, and Wayne tells him that her favourite holiday is the 4th of July. (Which is really cool, because it's my favourite too!!!) This slows the Wraith's effects on Wayne, and becomes a very special moment between father and son, as they fight to keep Vic's memory alive.

"How do you know my mom?"

"She was my best friend."

More overwhelmed sobs, because apparently I haven't cried enough this episode!!! Craig decides not to tell Wayne that he's his father, but our little Bats is ingeniously clever, and I think he's going to figure it out before long!!! Another mini heart attack comes with a second lost tooth. The suspense of Wayne's slow turning, mirroring the tender emotion in this scene was fantastic.

Millie and her mother have a similar moment, and I thought that was BRILLIANT of her to introduce Vampire Millie to her former human self. The two play with dolls, and human Millie talks about how she can't wait to go on a date, and have adventures when she grows up! It's such an endearing scene, and also incredibly sad, as the pale, gaunt shell of Vampire Millie envies her bright, and bubbly human counterpart, seeing the hope and innocence that she's so long been bereft of. "She's me...... Who I'm supposed to be." Cassie explains that her father's sad fantasy is depriving Millie of the gift of growing up, and explains that there's nothing Charlie Manx fears more than a woman with her own mind, and that's the LAST thing he wants his beloved daughter to become. A woman that would eventually leave him. More tears. Poor Millie. Poor Charlie!! Can I just give everybody a hug!?

"Cripple Creek," lingers like BAD Dream, and all I want to do right now, is curl up with Charlie Manx, hold him in my arms, stroke his cheek, soothe him with the tenderest hands, and softest words, tell him he's beautiful, and that he deserves Christmasland, and the world, that he's not ruined, but PURE!!! This was my least favourite episode in the entire series, and just like, "The Gas Mask Man," will be skipped indefinitely in the re-watch, but like I said, it endeared Charlie even more to my heart, and I feel fiercely protective over him, over that goodness that still glows in his dark eyes, despite lifetimes of feeling unloved, and in ever-present pain. All I ever wanted in Season One, was a glimpse into the past that crafted my mysterious and refined vampire chauffeur, and this entire experience, My Darlings, is an exercise in, "Be Careful What You Wish For..........."

#nos4a2 #nos4a2 review #charlie manx #wayne mcqueen #bing partridge #christmasland #the wraith #cripple creek

13 notes · View notes

bellasredchevy · 5 years ago

Note

top ten hozier songs that should've been in twilight??

ah yes my two favorite things in one place thank u for asking dear anon

i’ve talked at length about how i think hozier and edward are essentially the same person so a lot of these are edbella centric so my apologies in advance. i also saw the words “hozier” and “twilight” and subsequently blacked out and got excited with it and deviated from the question a little bit so i’m sorry about that too

from eden: narrator compares himself to satan falling in love with the angelic eve and going to great lengths to be with her and if that isn’t big edward energy idk what is. relevant lyrics: babe, there’s something wretched about this, something so precious about this, oh what a sin

in a week: a song about how the narrator wants his corpse to rot with his beloved. morbid, but it could be interpreted as wanting to be with your lover until the end of time. relevant lyrics: a thousand teeth, and yours among them, i know; our hungers appeased, our heartbeats becoming slow (especially vamp-like, eh?)

work song: a song about the narrator borrowing strength from his beloved in hard and strenuous times, and unconditional love. reminds me of the “we’re no good apart” narrative bella has in eclipse, and about how bella can forgive his violent past in breaking dawn. relevant lyrics: my babe would never fret none about what my hands and body done; if the lord don’t forgive me, id still have my baby and my babe would have me and when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down, i’ll crawl home to her

like real people do: a song about forgiving each other’s pasts and the redeeming qualities of love. reminiscent of the transformation edward has in midnight sun, from killer to protector. relevant lyrics: why were you digging, what did you bury, before those hands pulled me from the earth?

it will come back: very “edward loves bella but is keeping his distance for her own good while simultaneously cursing her for being so interesting and cute and lovable”. relevant lyrics: don’t give it a hand, offer it a soul, honey make this easy, leave it to the land, this is what it knows

almost (sweet music): a song about how music is so deeply tied to emotion and how emotion is so deeply tied to music. edward uses music and songwriting as a medium for expressing emotion and working out his feelings. relevant lyrics: i wouldn’t know where to start, sweet music playing in the dark, be still my foolish heart, don’t ruin this on me

as it was: literally a song about the narrator returning to his love after leaving her and things returning to... as they were. can you say new moon? relevant lyrics: in a few days, i would be there, love; whatever here that’s left of me is yours just as it was, just as it was baby, before the otherness came

shrike: extreme edbella vibes. narrator laments over not appreciating what he had when he had it. also an allegory to be drawn about love as sustenance. again, a parallel to new moon. relevant lyrics (i mean.. literally the whole song but): i couldn’t utter my love when it counted, but i’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now, i couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted, but i’m singing like a bird ‘bout it now

would that i: again, about the reformative power of love, with the flames of the beloved burning away the hurt and sin from the past. a recall to how edward’s love of bella literally transformed him. relevant lyrics: with the roar of the fire my heart rose to it’s feet, like the ashes of ash i saw rise in the heat, settled soft and as pure as snow, i fell in love with the fire long ago

sunlight: again, narrator compares his beloved to something reformative, in this case, literally sunlight. edward literally has this same exact sentiment when he returns to bella in new moon, comparing her to a light so bright that he was blinded to all other good things in his absence. relevant lyrics (again, close your eyes and point, like i literally wrote a ficlet about how relevant this song is to edbella): all that was shown to me, sunlight, was something foreknown to me, sunlight, oh your love is sunlight

#hozier #edward cullen #bella swan #wasteland baby #wasteland baby!#ask #anon #from eden #in a week #work song #like real people do #it will come back #almost (sweet music)#as it was #shrike #would that i #sunlight #100

148 notes · View notes

too-many-baes · 5 years ago

Text

To Hell and Back

Pairing: fem!reader x Dean Winchester

Warning(s): Injury, death, going to hell, angsssst (but some fluff to make up for it), slight AU, S03-S06

Word Count: 5.2K

Request: Hi! Love your writing! Could you do a dean x fem!reader where she’s Bobby’s daughter, they’ve been dating forever and she went to hell to save the boys. It was a surprise to the boys but she saw it coming so she wrote a note to Dean that he should not try to get her back and go have a normal life with Lisa. Eventually she gets back (somehow - maybe Bobby or Sam or Cas figure something out) and Dean really is with Lisa. You can choose the end - I’d love some fluff. I hope it’s not too specific. - by Anon

A/N: So I played with the timelines here a bit so it may not be exactly what you had envisioned but I hope you enjoy it none-the-less! Thank you for sending in a request!! Masterlist in my bio and requests are open

gif is not mine, credit to [@ jamiedornaniseverything ]

*********

You sit at the tired old table in your house of Singer’s Auto, you and the Winchesters. None of you make a sound, your collective focus makes speaking unnecessary.

Words begin to bleed into an incoherent mess so you rub your tired eyes in an attempt to revive your vision. Bobby has long since retired for the night, you and the boys persisting.

This has been your position for several weeks. Day in and day out, you can feel your blood cells slowly turning into caffeine in your attempts to keep yourself alert, the rest of the household living in the same coffee induced delirium. None of you felt you could rest until you found the solution you were so desperately searching for, an answer to your prayers.

One single week is all that's left between Dean and hell hounds claiming his soul. You've seen it happen before, the tearing of flesh and anguished cries are not something you'd wish upon anyone, making you all the more desperate to save your boyfriend from that wretched fate. Here you are and here you'll stay until you figure out how to save him. You know if you don't fix this soon it will lead to Sam doing something drastic, and that's not something you can stand for either.

You've known the boys since you were young. Being Bobby Singer's daughter meant if someone was a hunter then your paths had definitely crossed, with the Winchesters your house had always been a revolving door. You were indifferent to the boys when you were young, it wasn't until you were a teenager that you took notice of Dean, much to your father’s initial disappointment. He loved the Winchesters as if they were his own sons but that didn't change the fact he didn't think anyone was good enough for you. Not even the charming, well-meaning Dean Winchester.

The shock of finding out you were dating the eldest of the boys passed eventually and after strict words from your dad you’ve been inseparable since. You've been through thick and thin together, you know everything there is to know about him. This means you know how much the brothers mean to each other and just how far they'll go to ensure the others safety.

You can't see them die for each other, you don't care how many sleepless nights it'll take.

You have successfully claimed Sam's usual role, being the first one to rise and the last to bed. You hadn't even noticed they'd gone to bed when a tapping on your shoulder pulled you out of your trance.

“It’s 2am babe, it'll still be there in the morning.” You look up at Dean's face. His usually bright eyes have lost their signature shine, the lines underneath mountainous, his hair mussed from the few hours of sleep he'd already managed to get.

“I'll be there in a minute.” You answer him with a quick dismissive smile. Dean has other ideas, reaching over and forcibly closing the book cover you couldn’t remove yourself from.

“You need your sleep.” You could have argued, but what would be the point? In a few minutes you would’ve ended up asleep on the pages anyway. You allow Dean to lead you by the hand down the hallway to your room, where you clumsily change before crawling in beside his almost already sleeping form. In his half there state he instinctually reaches out to circle his arms around your waist, pulling your back against his chest as he buries his face into the crook of your neck.

Typically you and Dean weren't really cuddler's, but after finding out your days together could be numbered that changed. Now every night you sleep something like this, as close as possible, not wanting to waste your precious moments alone. He mumbles a barely audible ‘I love you’ before his faint snores rumble on your neck.

“I love you too.” You say it to yourself, knowing he was past hearing. You love him more than you thought you'd ever love a man, it was because of that the seed of an idea you'd read weeks ago had been sprouting ever since. You know what has to be done to save him and his brother, despite how much they won’t like it.

***

“They’re coming!” Sam’s frantic yells sound from the front door where he makes his best attempt at holding it closed from the ferocious hounds that claw and leap at its weakening wood.

“Everyone get in the living room!” The three of you run into the salt barricaded room, swiftly followed by Sam. No sooner had he left his post than the doors were flown off their hinges and angry growls could be heard by everyone in the room.

“Can you see ‘em?” Bobby's unusually tentative voice questions, a curt nod from Dean swiftly answers his question.

“There's two of them. There.” He raises his arm to point at the seemingly empty space before them, fear causing his arm to shake and his voice to lose volume.

You take in a grounding breath, assured within yourself you were making the right decision. You spin around to face your father, doing your best to not succumb to the overwhelming emotions pounding in your chest. “I love you dad.” It was rare for you and your father to exchange verbal ‘I love you's’, your love for one another going unspoken usually.

“What are you doing?” His question is gruff and urgent, immediately knowing something was wrong.

“Dean”, you ignore your father and grab the aforementioned by the shoulders, forcing his frantic eyes onto your face, “I love you. Never forget that.”

“Y/N what-" He had no time to finish his sentence, the salt guarding the door blowing away as the sound of growling creeps closer. You push your sleeve up revealing a series of symbols drawn on your skin.

Before the men in the room can process your actions you've unsheathed a knife and cut a long slash along your palm, pressing it against your forearm. The growling ceases momentarily, a false sense of hope for your companions.

“They're gone. I can't see them any more.” The hope that had crept into Dean's eyes vanished when once again snarling growls filled the room.

“What's happening, I thought you said you couldn't see them Dean?” Sam yells in dismay.

“I can”, you manage to croak out as you stare at two creatures more gnarled than anything your nightmares could conjure. If you weren't positive that you'd already earnt yourself a way one ticket downstairs then the black magic you'd found to redirect the hell hounds had solidified your fate.

The men were now frenzied, yelling and screaming for you to run as they scrambled for weapons they knew would do no good. For once you did as instructed. You turned away from the hounds and bolted out of the front door. As you'd planned the beasts were on your heels, they'd have you in their clutches within minutes. As the adrenaline courses through your veins you push yourself to go faster, to get far enough down the road that your demise would be away from the eyes of a room full of people you love.

A series of claws slash across you calf sending you crashing unceremoniously onto the dirt road beneath you. You turn to face your death head on, all teeth, drool, and crimson eyes.

“Y/N!” No. No, you don't want them to see this.

“Leave, please!” Your sentence ends with an agonising howl as claws and teeth set upon you. The pain is unbelievable, hot and searing, making the deafening chorus of cries and pleads from the witnesses to your chosen fate obsolete. Death didn't last as long as you had thought and the life in your eyes had faded as the three voices continue to call out for you.

Bobby is the first one to reach your now lifeless body. He shakes your shoulders, lightly at first, then harder with every time his saying your name goes unanswered. Dean falls to his knees on your unoccupied side, grabbing your limp hand and desperately clinging it in his own as tears fall down his face. Sam stays standing, but barely. None of the men speak, the cruel turn of fate that took you from them stealing away their words.

Dean opens his bedroom door, the emptiness without you there consuming his thoughts. As the usually terse man fights back yet more tears an envelope on his otherwise empty nightstand caught his eye. He hurriedly tears it open when he recognises his name in your handwriting.

Dean,

This is going to be short and sweet, just ‘cause I'm gone doesn't mean I'm about to get sappy.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my plan, you would've stopped me if I had. This was the only option, in time you'll come to see that.

I know you had no time to prepare yourself but I have to ask something of you, my dying wish if you will.

Be happy. That girl Lisa, from Indiana? Go to her. She needs someone, so do you. I reckon that makes you perfect for each other.

Don’t waste your second chance pining over me, I'm gone and I intend to stay that way. Don’t try to bring me back.

I died happy so you could live happy.

Don't let me down Cherry Pie.

Forever yours,

Y/N Singer

As soon as he saw his name on that first line the tears begun to stream down his face. By the end of the letter he was inconsolable, his hands shaking and drops from his eyes blurring some of the words on the page. He quickly dabs away the dots from the page, not wanting to permanently lose any letter from the last token you’d left behind for him.

You had written you’d wanted him to move on, he would do his best. Not tonight, hell not any of the coming nights. They would be reserved for you and only you. Dean was going to drink so much he cried whiskey. He was going to spend every waking hour thinking of you and nothing but. Then, when his eyes finally dried and he could muster the courage to step foot out of the house, that’s when he’d follow your wishes.

***

Flesh burning. Skin cutting. Teeth being removed and hair being torn from your scalp. It’s all you knew, all you thought you’d be resigned to know. Then all of a sudden it was gone, you were there one minute and it was black the next.

You lurch forward, clutching your chest and furiously sucking in as much air as your lungs could handle. You look around, seeing that you have no idea where you are other than in the middle of a wheat field. You know well enough to know that this isn’t some trick of the devil. No, something, somehow has put you back on earth. The thought crosses your mind Dean could have been the culprit, but you dread what something like this would have costed.

As you stand you feel something burning your side, lifting your shirt to find a raised hand print just below your ribs.

“Y/N.” The unfamiliar, gruff voice behind you causes you to jerk your body around, seeing a man in a trench coat with a blue tie.

“Who are you? What am I doing here?”

“My name is Castiel, I’m a friend of the Winchesters.” He needn’t bother answering your second question, hearing he knew Dean and Sam caused your wild thoughts to snap to his attention.

“Are they okay?” It was the only thing you could think to ask, your frazzled head still processing being above ground.

“They’re okay, here” he holds out his hand to you, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “I’ll take you to them.” You can’t see a car anywhere near you and you’re completely unsure how he intends to get you to the men as you, for some inexplicable reason, reach out and grab his hand.

For the second time in your very short time on solid ground you’re left dizzy and breathless as you find you are once again not where you were before. This time though your surroundings are familiar, causing a happy gasp to leave your mouth and your hands to shoot up and cover it.

You’re back at the only place you’ve ever called home, Singer’s Auto.

“Y/N?” Sam’s all too familiar voice sounds from the kitchen, a smile stretching infinitely across your face as the taller Winchester rushes to wrap his arms around you while desperately calling for Bobby to join you in the living room. You exchange happy, disbelieving words as Bobby makes his entrance.

“What are you yelling about idjit, I was busy-Y/N.” His sentence falls short when he sees his presumed dead daughter. Sam has only ever seen Bobby cry once before, that awful night they’d lost you, but now as he races to hold his daughter he thought he’d never see again his tears glisten under the yellow light of the cheap bulb.

“Hey dad.” You’re both laughing and crying at the same time, overjoyed and overwhelmed by this strange turn of events.

“Castiel”, Sam questions as you finally release your father from your grip, “what did you do?”

“Actually just while we’re asking questions, what exactly are you?” No human man could have pulled you from hell and taken you to the auto shop and since you were fairly certain this man was no demon you were stumped.

“I’m an angel of the lord and I got you out of hell.” You look around the room trying to pick whether it was Sam or your father who had made some kind of deal but the lack of guilt and knowing on their faces tells that neither one had plotted to raise you from the fiery pits.

“Neither of you did this?” The shaking of their heads confirms your deductions. “Goddamn it, Dean”, you mutter.

“He played no part, it was just me.” Castiel’s statement shocks you.

“Why? I don’t know you, why would you do that?”

“Dean hasn’t been hunting for years and somethings come up we need his help with. We need Dean’s help and they refused to do anything about it. I knew my presence wouldn’t be enough to get him back and I recalled him speaking of you fondly and thought you would be able to help.”

“How could you Cas?” Sam speaks in irritation with the angel. “Dean got out, he deserves to stay out.”

“He did?” The bickering stops when you speak your hopeful question. “Dean got out?” Sam nods, an almost nostalgic look on his face.

“Yea Y/N, Dean got out.” You smile along with him, your chest lightening at the knowledge that the stubborn man had paid attention to the letter you left. As you think your smile wavers when you register something is Cas’ prior sentence. “Hang on Castiel, did you say he hasn’t hunted in years?” You let out a small humourless laugh, “How long have I been in hell?” The men previously in your life struggle to find words to say, so the angel who you’re learning is rather bad with social cues speaks.

“Three and a half years I believe.” Three and a half years. Time feels endless down in the pit, never-ending but entirely still at the same time. Five minutes or fifty years could have passed and you’d have been none the wiser, but being back now after three years? Dean was out and happy, you didn’t want to jeopardise that.

“How selfish can you be?” You bite at your angel acquaintance.

“Y/N, he was only trying to help.”

“No dad, I don’t care what he was trying to do!” You yell at your well-meaning father, “He doesn’t even know me and he brought me back to get Dean back into the hunting life? You may as well put me back in the ground ‘cause I’m not doing it.”

“That’s enough!” Bobby’s raised voice makes every pair of eyes land on him, his looking directly at you. “He may not have done it for the right reasons but you’re back, and that can only be a good thing, do not argue with me”, he adds as you open your mouth to object, letting it fall back shut at his request. “I never thought I’d see you again, so quit whining.” You can’t help but laugh seeing that the years have done nothing to change your dad’s temperament.

“It’s good to see you too”, you tease, lightening the mood of the room.

***

It’s been a fortnight, a whole two weeks above ground and you’re still getting used to it. You made everyone swear that they would not mention to Dean you were back and instructed Castiel he’d have to find another ploy to get him to help.

You were happy Dean was happy, yet despite the fact you’d made everyone swear to keep your existence a secret you couldn’t help putting that all at risk. You had to see him, to see for yourself the Dean that wasn’t a hunter. You wanted to see that cheeky grin and those entrancing green eyes that used to make your heart skip a beat. You wanted to see him out and happy.

So here you are, inconspicuously parked outside his house for the third morning in a row in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him. So far you had seen Lisa and her son Ben previous mornings, but no sign of Dean.

The front door opens and your mouth dries up with what walks out. It’s Dean in the flesh, still flannel clad and handsome as ever. He walks hand in hand with Lisa as Ben trudges behind them. He pecks her lightly on the lips before she and the kid get in the car, Dean giving them a small wave. No amount of happiness for him could have stopped the pang of jealousy you felt at seeing Dean in his apple pie life that you weren’t fortunate enough to be in.

Yes, he’s living the exact life you’d told him to live, but when you’d written that letter you planned on not being around to see it. You shake your head at your stupidity and selfishness in coming here and you turn the key in the ignition ready to drive off. You’ve indulged yourself more than enough, watching any longer would just cause you unnecessary pain.

You allow yourself one last lingering look at what used to be your man before you pull away to find his eyes surveying your parked car from across the street, your heart leaping into your throat at the danger of getting caught. You tug your baseball cap further down your face before pulling out and speeding away, all notion of stealth lost.

“Shit, shit, shit”, you curse to yourself for your idiocy. Any longer and he may have recognised you, then what? You’d cry, you’d hug, and you’d get back together? You’d ask him to leave the family you asked him to start in the first place? No. You couldn’t put him through that.

Back at the motel you pack your bags, resolute to go back home. You had no idea what you’d do once you were there, you figured you’d start hunting again, help Sammy. After today though you’d leave Dean behind you, once and for all.

A rapping on the door halts your footsteps, freezing your hands from closing your bag.

“Hello?” Shit. That’s Dean, what is he doing outside your room? He repeats himself once more before you hear the distinct sound of him trying to pick your lock. You move fast, thankful for the fact that you’d kept the room’s curtain shut as you desperately search for a way out on the other side. He’s quicker than you though, the door flying open and a gun cocking sounding behind you.

“Hands up, don’t move.” You follow his orders, hands raising above your head. “Turn around.” You don’t want him to see your face, opting to shake your head instead of reveal yourself to him. “I’m the one with a gun pointing at you so if you wanna stay alive I’d turn around.” You know he’s not lying, having seen people call his bluff too many times before. You comply but as slowly as possible, shuffling your feet until you finally face him, keeping your head down in the vain attempt the small action would keep his recollection at bay.

“Y/N?” His question sounds unsure but you know the inevitable has happened, raising your head to meet his eyes.

“Surprise?” You say, turning your hands upwards to gesture shrugging your shoulders. He holsters his gun immediately, never taking his eyes off of your form. You don’t know what to do next as marked by your silence, and his next move you cannot fathom.

“How did you get here?”

“You have your winged pal to thank for that.”

“Castiel?” The stunned tone of his voice shows you he’s as confused as you were by the whole thing.

“How’d you find me here Dean?” You question after a long pause.

“You weren’t exactly subtle at my house this morning.” The normalcy of the conversation you’re having sets you on edge, not wanting to sink into familiar habits of jokes and jabs, afraid of what that could lead to.

“I better go, it was good to see you.” You state abruptly as you awkwardly grab your bag and make to walk past him and out the front door. His strong hand around your forearm prevents you from leaving.

“What just like that you’re going to walk out the door?” You answer his incredulous question with a nod of your head and a perplexed look in your eyes. He shakes his head reaching and grabbing your other forearm so you are locked in front of his frame. “So what, I don’t get to say goodbye and now you won’t let me again?” There’s no malice to be heard, his voice soft and fragile. This does nothing to stop the guilt bubbling in your stomach.

“Dean it wasn’t like that-”

“No Y/N it’s exactly like that.” He lets the silence speak for itself before continuing. “I lost you with no notice, now you’re back with no notice. You can’t just up and leave again.” You were trying to be fair to him and stay unnoticed, now that you’ve been caught you know he’s right, you can’t just simply leave him again with no warning. He suggests you get a bite to eat, to which you instead offer going to a bar which he gladly accepts.

He insists you drive together, you suspect he was afraid if you went separately you may have driven off. You get a table at the closest bar which happens to be nearly completely empty, as to be expected midday in the middle of the week. Dean gets you a beer each, placing yours in front of you as he sits on the other side of the table.

What you thought would be a brief awkward catch up was anything but. Beer after beer is consumed as he regales stories of being a father figure, making your sides split when he recounts a particular story of trying to get in the good books of the PTA. You gave a very brief explanation of your time downstairs, leaving out pretty much every significant detail to save Dean from the guilt you know he’d project on himself. The whole time it feels like you never left. Every time your eyes catch it gets harder to look away and the light brushes of his fingers as he passes you another bottle sends shivers running up your spine.

After a particularly boisterous fit of laughter dies down you offer to get another round. Just as you go to stand Dean’s phone ringing on the table with the name ‘Lisa’ on the screen stops you.

“Hey. No sorry ran into an old friend, I won’t be too much longer. Mhmm, you too.” He speaks with large pauses in between and although you couldn’t hear the whole conversation you heard enough to bring reality back into your view.

“I should let you get back Dean.”

“What? C’mon you were just about to get another round”, he light-heartedly argues to which you shake your head.

“I should hit the road now anyway, otherwise it’ll be too dark.” Your numerous late nights on the road together makes your excuse a weak one. He complies with a dejected nod regardless, pulling out his keys. The drive is quiet, the low hum of classic rock filling the car. He reaches your motel and you thank him for the day as you unbuckle your safety belt, your other hand already reaching for the door. He reaches out and grabs your closest hand, bringing your eyes down to the small gesture.

“Don’t go.” He voice is small, weak. Words you would usually never associate with your Dean. You let out a breathy scoff at his request.

“Why not Dean, what would I do? You’re happy here with your family-”

“Hey you told me to do that.” His grip on your hand tightens slightly with the raising of his voice in defence of himself.

“I know”, you say gently to acknowledge his rebuttal, “I know I did and I meant. I’m not going to take that away from you now.” You meet his juniper eyes but do not linger in worry of them weakening your resolve. You click the handle open, lightly pushing the door and letting the now cool breeze drift past your face.

“If you hadn’t been taken from me I wouldn’t have chosen this life.” His tone is imploring, almost pleading with you.

“So enjoy it now you have it.” You release the handle so you can lean in enough to cup his cheek and look into those magnificent eyes. “You’re out. Stay out.” His hand moves to rest upon the one on his cheek, his eyes glassy as they look at you. As one last little goodbye you lean in and delicately place a lingering kiss on his free cheek. “Goodbye Cherry Pie.” With your whispered words you pull away, exiting the car and shutting the door without looking back, for one more glance and you’d have never left.

***

A quiet week has gone by at Singer’s, you’ve spent as much time with your father and Sam as possible, still in dubiety at the fact you get to be around them again rather than meat hooks and flames. You’ve convinced Sam to take you on at Scrabble, telling him not to take it easy on you just because you’re out of practise.

“Quaky? Are you kidding me?”

“Oh and what’s that, is it on a double word tile, I think it is.” You say in mock doubt as you laugh along with your incredulous opponent.

“Three years and you can still kick my ass.” He says in jest as he reluctantly adds to your tally. As the two of you jokingly bicker the sound of an unfamiliar car pulling into the gravel driveway makes your giggles cease and your eyes to peer sceptically out the kitchen window. A door opens and closes followed by rapid footsteps to the door and then Dean is before you once more.

“Dean?” Sam questions, as confused as you at his brothers sudden appearance.

“Heya Sammy.” He greets briefly before his eyes snap to you, “Y/N we need to talk.” His urgency leaves no room for debate. You shoot Sam a look before you rise and follow Dean as he leads the way to what used to be your shared room, now occupied solely by you.

“Is everything okay?” You tentatively ask as he shuts the door behind him.

“I left Lisa”, he blurts out.

“You- what? No, why would you do that?” You can hardly keep the disappointment from your voice despite how much your heart is now bouncing excitedly in your ribcage.

“I couldn’t stay there, not after seeing you.” Your excited heart quells, replaced by the overpowering guilt that your selfishness has caused Dean to leave everything you wished for him behind. You shake your head, not allowing yourself to believe you could be the cause of Dean abandoning all you ever wanted for him.

“You’ve got to back. Beg her to take you back, say you hit your head and you had a concussion, anything.” You walk to him as you speak to show your intent.

“Do you know why I can’t go back?” He answers his own question by reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet, from whence he pulls a folded up, dirty looking piece of paper that he places in your hand. Your suspicions at the content are confirmed when you unfold it to see your own handwriting staring back at you.

“I kept that on me every day. Every time I doubted myself I would pull it out and read it, you wanna know why? Your words were the reason I stayed. I care for Lisa, but you’re back. I don’t want that life if you’re here.” Tears spring into your eyes, some falling down and blurring some words you noticed are already muddied. He abruptly pulls the piece of paper from your grasp, crumpling it up and throwing it aside without a care where it lands.

He removes the insignificant space between you, encircling his steadfast arms around your waist and pulling you into the embrace he could tell you desperately needed. Out of instinct your arms join behind his neck, gripping like if you let go he’d disappear.

“What about Lisa? It’s not fair for her.” You chide regretfully in his ear.

“What about what’s fair for you?” He asserts. “You spent three years in hell so I didn’t have to, you don’t have to think about what’s fair for anyone but yourself right now.”

You pull your face out of the crook of his neck and collide your lips on his, melting into the long lost but not forgotten feeling of his tender lips gliding against yours. You pull away, breathless at obtaining the sensation you’d been craving since setting eyes upon him again. You smile up at him, a smile eager and happy like a child in a candy shop.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” You respond to his poking question by latching your lips to his once more as you jump and encircle your legs around his waist.

You head down and help Dean unpack his car, every time you pass him his hand would pinch at your side or cheekily tap your ass. You could barely contain your excitement at putting his belongings back into their respective places, completely eradicating the empty feeling that was in the room before. The blame you feel about Lisa still niggled at the back of your mind but Dean’s words from earlier assure your guilty conscience.

You’ve paid your dues, and the Winchester with the jade eyes and wicked grin was your reward.

*************

Taglist:

@hobby27 @musiclovinchic93

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester reader insert #dean winchester fanfic #spn #supernatural #supernatural one shot #supernatural reader insert #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #angst #fluff #writing #mine #too many baes

157 notes · View notes

queerdraws · 6 years ago

Text

Ineffable Husbands playlist

For anyone looking for an ungodly long playlist that is probably going to be under construction forever: Here You Go

I also want to plug this playlist while im at it because I absorbed a lot of songs from it & it’s very good. much more concise FULL CURRENT TRACKLIST, 41 songs (as of 7.6.19) UNDER THE CUT Including: tally hall (an absurd amount), hozier (of course), frank sinatra, the mountain goats, sufjan stevens, queen, elbow, velvet underground, mitski...etc.

Frank Sinatra - The Best is Yet to Come

Out of the tree of life I just picked me a plum You came along and everything started in to hum Still it's a real good bet The best is yet to come

Best is yet to come and babe won't that be fine You think you've seen the sun But you ain't seen it shine

A wait til the warm up's under way Wait til our lips have met And wait til you see that sunshine day You ain't seen nothing yet ... Wait til your charms are right for these arms, to surround You think you've flown before But baby you ain't left the ground

Hozier - From Eden (obligatory)

Babe, there's something wretched about this Something so precious about this Oh what a sin

To the strand a picnic plan for you and me A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on it's sword Innocents died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

Tally Hall - You & Me

Off again we go Another seed to sow Another part to keep in proper order

What have I begun? Get away undone I have seen the signs and I ignored them

Now it's you And me Divine A circular design (do do-do do-doo) Time, and place, and mind Points along the line (do do-do do-doo)

Sitting in the park Carefully remark Everything is better when you're learning

You were in the dark And I was in the dark Everything is made to keep on turning

Barenaked Ladies - It’s All Been Done

I met you before the fall of Rome And I begged you to let me take you home You were wrong, I was right You said goodbye, I said goodnight

It's all been done It's all been done It's all been done before

I knew you before the west was won And I heard you say the past Was much more fun You go your way, I go mine But I'll see you next time

It's all been done It's all been done It's all been done before

The Strokes - Under Cover of Darkness (the times between meetings)

We got the right to live, fight to use it Got everything but you can just choose it I won't just be a puppet on a string

Don't go that way I'll wait for you

And I'm tired of all your friends Listening at your door I want what's better for you

So long, my friend and adversary But I'll wait for you

Conor Oberst - To All the Lights in the Windows (Crowley POV, Aziraphale not quite meeting him half way wrt The Arrangement. Talks about various biblical events throughout time, like they’re meeting up there)

Jesus off in the water, standing on His feet Yeah, that's the thing about charisma it makes everyone believe But there is nothing impossible When I'm with you and when you're with me I got a sad sinking feeling that, that can never be

But I'm going to do what I can for you, I will make a plea To all the lights in the windows, the puddles in the streets And all the lovers that you've been teasing from your balcony May they carry you far from my memory

Light a Roman Candle with Me (Crowley POV)

Light a roman candle with me Just a roman candle, you can wear your sandals And I'll pour you just one cup of tea. Then you can go and rest You haven't seen my best, so

Just spend an evening with me Just a lazy evening, then you could be leaving Or we could stay and talk until three. I will think it's magic and I'll hope you'll agree, so

Light a roman candle with me. Just a roman candle. Just a perfect apple.

If we were honest and both wrote a sonnet together A sandwich with everything on it, At least we would know that the sparks didn't glow But we owe it to ourselves to try, So we aim and ignite! So often I call and I plead with you: "Give me a chance!" It's not often that I understand The ins and the outs of what's wrong and what's right So don't think of tomorrow tonight.

Oh, I know, it goes on, it gets old But for now we're young, we smell good, we're alone

You look for a legend, I'm looking for common ground. Your heart isn't breaking, And mine isn't making a sound.

Oh I know, it goes on, it gets old Oh I know, it goes on, it gets old

Light a roman candle with me. Just a roman candle. Just a perfect apple.

Tears for Fears - Head Over Heels (mmm pining)

You keep your distance with a system of touch And gentle persuasion I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much? Oh, you're wasting my time You're just, just, just wasting time

Something happens and I'm head over heels I never find out till I'm head over heels Something happens and I'm head over heels Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart Don't, don't, don't throw it away

Throw it away Throw it away

Mother Mother - Problems

You and me, we're not the same I am a sinner, you are a saint When we get to the pearly gates You'll get the green light I'll get the old door in the face

Doo, doo, doo I'm a loser, a disgrace, yeah

I've found love in the strangest place Tied up and branded, locked in a cage I say I'm gonna stage a great escape Let loose and love all But baby we're out of place

Doo, doo, doo I'm a loser, a disgrace You're a beauty A luminary, in my face

I got it all, and not a lot, I got a lot less than a lot I've got problems, not just the ones that are little It's those people problems, it's something to consider When you come for dinner at my place

The Mountain Goats - New Zion (sort of a flashback to the garden, i don’t like to put really mellow songs at the very beginning of playlists so this was the best place i could fit this one in)

There were signs up in the sky When we gathered by the garden wall Everybody on his best behavior Listening for the altar call

High priest of Salem in his robes Ranting of the coming of the day Ravens at the gates Frightening all the visitors away

I lay down by the water Dreamed a dream of where I come from Old things made new Waiting for you

There were wooden wind chimes rustling In the trees above the anthills on the dunes On the high winds, we could hear them Old familiar tunes

The little bit of faith we had once Like the memory of a movie They got burned up in the great fire Reassembling itself slowly by surely

I lay down by the water Dreamed a dream of where I come from Old things made new Waiting for you

Tally Hall - Who You Are (Aziraphale POV)

Maybe there's something to being the one who you are Holding the thoughts in as you pull away in your car I get to thinking a little too often & All that I want is a little aloft & Maybe it's all too much thinking and not enough heart

How is it all of the people can know who you are? Off in the distance emitting a glow in the dark All of it subtle and all of it very bizarre How is it all of the people can know who you are? I see you Not too far

Armed to the teeth You will sit at the fireside We are the ones who have chosen the other side It was easy to see You were ready to be And it all falls down

You rose up and rode away underground Alone us finding our way to found

Catfish and the Bottlemen - Longshot

Go, ahead and tell me you got all you want Fiver says you're wrong And I suppose you've come down to help me Move things along ... Listen, the distance between us, could've took a while Once we closed that difference, you turned up like a friend of mine Every once in a while, the little things make me smile As if one of our longshots paid off One of our longshots paid off

So yeah, go, ahead and tell me something real Come on, how'd you feel? And I suppose you've come down to help me Answer to the riddle To the riddle

Why we laughed it off and we're wise enough, who knows?

Queen - You’re My Best Friend (obligatory)

Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had I've been with you such a long time You're my sunshine and I want you to know That my feelings are true I really love you Oh, you're my best friend

Ooh, you make me live

Ooh, I've been wandering 'round But I still come back to you In rain or shine

Apples in Stereo - Baroque

In the moonlight I see my memories In a new light, they seem so real to me I remember You know I remember And the starlight tripping in the sky Come on, we can still go there tonight I remember You know I remember We haven't changed We just feel a little strange We haven't changed We're just a little bit deranged

Umphrey’s McGee - Made to Measure (Crowley POV, “’you go too fast for me???’ what’s that supposed to mean??”)

Please excuse this I know it's rude But I was just trying to satisfy someone who requested mine You're hard to please And no one knows just what you need If you won't ever ask for help then how am I to tell? Uncomfortable You wear it well The sooner that you come around, the offer's waited to be found Anytime you need it I am already there and waiting What's yours is mine but you’re inclined to hesitate to try Don't get me wrong here I just want to make my intentions clear There's no room for reading into deep, if things aren't written down As soon as I've been told That you will not be sold Then we could all move forward here, and find our endings well You need a break It's hard to take the time When things will just move faster and we're never ever slowing down Anytime you need it I'm already there and waiting What's yours is mine but you’re inclined to hesitate to try And after all the bullshit shuffled, piles up inside There's only room for you and me And what we've left to try

Hayley Kiyoko - What I Need (”I’m going to alpha centauri and I won’t even THINK about you!”)

All the back and forth getting complicated Running me around got me frustrated No, that's why I been laying low If you wanna make it work, baby, gotta say it Need a little more than participation Oh, I could go be on my own ... What I need, what I need, what I need Is for you to be sure

The Mountain Goats - San Bernardino (Az POV, unsure of timeline placement on this one but it’s very tender)

We got in your car and we hit the highway Eastern sun was rising over the mountains Yellow and blood-red bits Like a kaleidoscope

And flaming swords may guard the garden of Eden But we consulted maps from earlier days Dead languages on our tongues Holding onto our last hope

And the day was bright and fine And the highway sign Said "San Bernardino Welcomes you!"

I checked us into our motel and filled the bathtub And you got in the warm, warm water I pulled petals from my pocket I loved you so much just then

Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone with You (another tender, possibly Az POV song)

I'd swim across Lake Michigan I'd sell my shoes I'd give my body to be back again In the rest of the room

To be alone with you To be alone with you To be alone with you To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely They took your clothes You gave up a wife and a family You gave your goals

To be alone with me To be alone with me To be alone with me You went up on a tree

To be alone with me you went up on the tree

I've never known a man who loved me

Elbow - Starlings (Crowley POV)

How dare the premier ignore my invitations? He'll have to go So too the bunch he luncheons with It's second on my list of things to do

At the top I'm stopping by Your place of work and acting like I haven't dreamed of you and I And marriage in an orange grove

You are the only thing In any room you're ever in I'm stubborn, selfish and too old

I sat you down and told you how The truest love that's ever found is for oneself You pulled apart my theory With a weary and disinterested sigh

So yes, I guess I'm asking you To back a horse that's good for glue and nothing else But find a man that's truer than Find a man that needs you more than I

Sit with me a while And let me listen to you talk about Your dreams and your obsessions I'll be quiet and confessional

The violets explode inside me When I meet your eyes Then I'm spinning and I'm diving Like a cloud of starlings Darling, is this love?

The Cure - Why Can’t I Be You?

You're so gorgeous I'll do anything I'll kiss you from your feet to where your head begins You're so perfect you're so right as rain You make me Make me, make me, make me hungry again

Everything you do is irresistible Everything you do is simply kissable Why can't I be you? ... Everything you do is simply delicate Everything you do is quite angelicate Why can't I be you? Why can't I be you?

Hozier - It Will Come Back (Crowley POV, don’t be kind to me i’ll get attached oh shit oh shit it already happened aughh)

I know who I am when I'm alone Something else when I see you You don't understand, you should never know How easy you are to need

Don't let me in with with no intention to keep me Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me Honey don't feed me I will come back

Can't be unlearned I've known the warmth of your doorways Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you Oh please, give me mercy no more That's a kindness you can't avoid! I want you baby tonight, as sure as you're born

You'll hear me howling outside your door Don't you hear me howling babe?

The Mountain Goats - So Desperate (Az POV)

We were parked in your car In our neutral meeting place, the Episcopalian churchyard I had things I'd been meaning to say But in the dazzling winter sun that late, I could feel them melt away

And through the warm radio static I couldn't hear my stage directions And the fog on the windshield Obscured our sad reflections

I felt so desperate In your arms I felt so desperate In your arms

We were parked near some trees And the moonlight soaked the branches in ever deepening degrees Had my hand in your hair Trying to keep my cool until it became too much to bear

When we cracked the windows open Well, the air was just so sweet We could hear the cars ten feet away Out there in the street

I felt so desperate In your arms I felt so desperate In your arms

Velvet Underground - I’ll Be Your Mirror

When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you're twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you

Mitski - Strawberry Blonde (pining)

I love everybody Because I love you I don't need the city, and I Don't need proof All I need, darling Is a life in your shape I picture it, soft And I ache

Ok Go - Last Leaf (Crowley POV, i will go as slow as you need me to)

If you should be the last Autumn leaf hanging from the tree I'll still be here waiting on the breeze to bring you down to me

And if it takes forever Forever it'll be And if it takes forever Forever it'll be

And if you should be the last seed in Spring to venture forth a leaf I'll still be here waiting on the rain to warm your heart for me

And if it takes forever Forever it'll be And if it takes forever Forever it'll be

Coldplay - Til Kingdom Come

Hold my head inside your hands I need someone who understands I need someone, someone who hears For you, I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come Until my day, my day is done And say you'll come and set me free Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood In your fire and in your flood I hear you laugh, I heard you sing I wouldn't change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning The drummers begin to drum I don't know which way I'm going I don't know what I'll become

White Lies - A Place to Hide (mixed POV, apocalypse starts)

I've been searching through my books to try and find some truth Perhaps disguised as a mysterious way And if I made a promise Could I stay by your side? Would you guarantee my safety And say that I'd be all right?

But if Judgment Day started tonight at least I'd know I was right And I'd be laughing at the end of the world Take my hand tonight I'll think we'll be alright, girl

And I can see it on the TV, there's an air attack People of the mountains screaming I'll be back And I'm banging on your door so come on and let me in Need a place to hide, I need a place to hide before the storm begins

If I told you all the times when I'd done wrong Could you bathe my soul and wash it all away? I can't forgive the things that I can still remember So I think my friendly sins are here to stay

New Pornographers - Adventures in Solitude (Somebody killed my best friend)

Balancing on one wounded wing Circling the edge of the never ending The best of the vanished marvels Have gathered inside your door

More than begin but less than forget But spirits born from the not happened yet Gathering there to pay off a debt Brought back from the wars

We thought, we lost you We thought, we lost you We thought, we lost you Welcome back ... I know you want to run far away From one more and that it's comin' at a bad time Some cold place heartless ways for all we know

I know you need to breathe through Come back, come too but it's comin' at a bad time Tangled day, for all we know

I know you want to run far away from one more And that's comin' at a bad time Some cold race heartless ways for all we know

I know you want to breathe through Come back, come too but it's comin' at a bad time Old scarred face survivor's guilt, for all we know

Snow Patrol - The Lightning Strike (What if This Storm Ends?) (Crowley POV, you’re back! oh god i could’ve lost you forever.)

What if this storm ends? And I don't see you As you are now Ever again

The perfect halo Of gold hair and lightning Sets you off against The planet's last dance

Just for a minute The silver forked sky Lit you up like a star That I will follow

Now it's found us Like I have found you I don't want to run Just overwhelm me

What if this storm ends? And leaves us nothing Except a memory A distant echo

I want pinned down I want unsettled Rattle cage after cage Until my blood boils

I want to see you As you are now Every single day That I am living

Painted in flames All peeling thunder Be the lightning in me That strikes relentless

Grandaddy - A.M. 180 (the apocalypse is over. please still hang out with me? we can do anything, no need for serious plans. whatever together.)

Don't change your name Keep it the same For fear I may lose you again I know you won't It's just that I am unorganized And I want to find you when Something good happens

If you come down We'll go to town I haven't been there for years But I'd be fine Wasting our time Not doing anything here Just doing nothing

We'll sit for days And talk about things Important to us like whatever We'll defuse bombs Walk marathons And take home whatever together

Whatever together

My Chemical Romance - The Only Hope for Me is You (okay maybe we have a little trauma abt the apocalypse, anyway i love you?)

Where were you when All of the embers fell I still remember there Covered in ash Covered in glass Covered in all my friends I still Think of the bombs they built

If that's the best that I could be? Than I'd be another memory Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me And if we can't find where we belong, We'll have to make it on our own Face all the pain and take it on Because the only hope for me is you alone

How it should you be Many years after the disasters that we've seen What we have learned Other than people burn in purifying flame

I say it's okay I know you can tell And though you can see me smile I still Think of the guns they sell

Delta Spirit - Yamaha (Az POV, I’m sorry about the wait, I love you too)

I've been alone too many nights Too proud to tell you when you're right A little patience would have helped me then A lot like the break has been the common standard All the angels above the earth I prayed Said this message right into her head There's certain things in life I cannot take And I will wait

I hope you know I care I hope you know I care

So cold, I know you can't believe it Sometimes you gotta face the feelin' You don't care if you don't get up again There's a thousand things I will not understand (I hope you know I care) Now you're dealin' with the hell I put you through If I had my way I would be right there next to you There's certain things in life you cannot change There's certain things

I hope you know I care

Tally Hall - The Whole World and You (Crowley POV?)

There's lots of pretty people here Sharing soltries and passing letters and

There's lots of questions answered and Metaphysical astronomical songs

Words printed all on papers That seemed too mystical It's so magical

People that dance and compute that No one's better then you ... ��I hope you're happy now I've revealed the truth I've even written this whole song about you And not about me And not about me

Please don't just laugh and clap right now This is serious I'm not delirious

I've waited very patiently Just to let you know Who should run the show

Cause we all know these are the facts Nothing to retract Nothing too abstract

Concluding in the song I'll say No one's better than you

Ashley Eriksson - Island Song (South Downs cottage)

Come along with me To a town beside the sea We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree Where we'll gaze upon the water As an everlasting dream All of my affections I give them all to you Maybe by next summer We won't have changed our tune I still want to be In this town beside the sea Making up new numbers And living so merrily All of my affections I give them all to you I'll be here for you always And always be for you Come along with me To a town beside the sea We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Living so merrily

The Mountain Goats - Genesis 30:3

I remember seeing you, my tongue struck dumb When you first came here from wherever it was you came from The power in your voice, your rough touch You keeping care of me, keeping watch ... For several hours we lay there, last ones of our kind Harder days coming, maybe I don't mind Sounds kind of dumb when I say it, but it's true I would do anything for you

Open up the promise of the day Drive the dark things away I will do what you ask me to do Because of how I feel about you

The Civil Wars - C’est La Mort (stay with me forever?)

Swan dive down eleven stories high Hold your breath until you see the light You can sink to the bottom of the sea Just don't go without me

Go get lost where no one can be found Drink so long and deep until you drown Say your goodbyes but darling if you please Don't go without me

C'est la vie C'est la mort You and me Forevermore

Let's walk down the road that has no end Steal away where only angels tread Heaven or hell or somewhere in between Cross your heart to take me when you leave Don't go, please don't go Don't go without me

The Magnetic Fields - When my Boy Walks Down the Street

Grand pianos crash together when my boy walks down the street There are whole new kinds of weather when he walks with his new beat Everyone sings hallelujah when my boy walks down the street Life just kind of dances through ya from your smile down to your feet

Amazing he's a whole new form of life Blue eyes blazing and he's going to be my wife

Sufjan Stevens - With My Whole Heart

And you're all I want (I fell in love, I fell in love the moment that I met you) And you're all I need (I give my life, I give my love, promise I will protect you) And you're all I've got (I will not rest until I know the best is always with you) And I still believe (I confess the world's a mess but I will always love you)

Tally Hall (edu) - Nowhere Else

There’s nowhere else I’d rather be Than in this moment you and me No place else I’d rather go No one else I’d rather know ... When the daylight turns to dusk Our energy a cosmic dust Trust with that in which you feel Love til the end ... love the lost and love the loved live below and love above love the earth and love the trees love those who give their lives for peace love all you call your family love you found a place to be love the ones with whom you fight love the ones who spend the night love the rich and love the poor love for want and want for more love the smile and simple things like those who want to live to sing love the ghost of what has passed love the trying till the last love the sick and love the strong love all who'll learn to get along

Frank Sinatra - I’ve Got a Crush on You

I'm your big and brave and handsome Romeo How I won you I shall never never know It's not that you're attractive But, oh, my heart grew active When you came into view I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie All the day and night-time hear me sigh I never had the least notion that I could fall with so much emotion

Could you coo, could you care For a cunning cottage we could share The world will pardon my mush 'Cause I have got a crush on you

Miracle Musical - Dream Sweet in Sea Major

Children born of one emotion Our devotion's deepest ocean No division reasoned we'll be Free

To know We are beyond a bow And lo, the hues arrange to show It's perfectly clear

You look quite divine tonight Here among these vibrant lights Pure delights surround us as we sail Signed, yours truly, the whale

Joy mirage's kingdom come No one left at stake Now that existence is on the wake Let's see what we can make

Apart is wholly ending A line in any final song So long so far

We will be atoning At last eternal through the past Above a blinding star

#playlist #ineffable husbands #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #i listen to it while drawing and reading fic so the goal is for it to be as long as possible #ive already added more songs to this as of 7.17.2019 #don't expect this to be a stable playlist lol

113 notes · View notes

misterspectacular · 5 years ago

Text

From Eden - Good Omens Music Video

youtube

So this song is about someone who's in love with another who is unattainable. It's honestly a very sad song about pining and longing and suits Crowley because that's exactly what he's dealing with in the series.

I wanted to first break down the song and explain it as it was intended (at least as far as I see it) before I get to explaining why it fits Crowley and Aziraphale and why I used certain scenes with the lyrics. I’m going to use “him” and “her” just to make it easier to understand, but I don’t think it necessarily had to be about a man and a woman.

Babe There's something tragic about you Something so magic about you Don't you agree?

(Basically this guy is in love with someone, who's both tragic and beautiful.)

Babe There's something lonesome about you Something so wholesome about you Get closer to me

(This guy sees how lonely she is, he's lonely too. He sees what a wholesome person she is, is drawn to it, and wants her to get closer to him, wants to get closer to her. Wants to be in her company, etc)

No tired sighs, no rolling eyes, no irony

(I feel this is him asking her not to do these things, but she does, and he wishes she wouldn't)

No 'who cares', no vacant stares

(Same as above)

no time for me

(And then the last bit takes a turn and it's where he comes out and says that she has no time for him and he's obviously sad about this)

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

(He can relate to her, sees himself in her, from a time before)

Idealism sits in prison

(Idealism: the practice of forming or pursuing ideals, especially unrealistically. Basically saying that he fantasizes about being with her, and maybe she does too, but they can't act on it. So it sits in prison)

chivalry fell on its sword

(Chivalry: courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women. Basically this guy is thoughtful and attentive and considerate toward her, but it does nothing for him anyway. It fell on its sword - bit him in the arse, so to speak)

Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know

(this part isn't made entirely clear right away, but we later find out in the song that this guy and the woman he loves are having an affair. I feel this is what he was referring to when he said the innocence dies screaming, because she is being unfaithful to her other man. And he is familiar with this loss of innocence, maybe because he's cheating too, or there could be some other reason - perhaps he just feels that he is generally a sinful person)

I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

(He sees himself as sinful and wrong. He slithered to her from Eden, just to sit outside her door, just to waiting for her to love him)

Babe, there's something wretched about this

(the affair, cheating)

Something so precious about this

(he loves her all the same, she's beautiful to him)

Oh what a sin

(self explanatory)

To the strand a picnic plan for you and me

(to the strand, I saw that as meaning it's a strand from the rope that's in hand, which is mentioned below. Basically they have a plan to go on a picnic and it's adding to the strands of this rope)

A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree

(Basically, the other man knowing she's cheating on him with this guy. What would happen if he did know, which in a literal sense would be hanging himself, but could also be metaphorical for just being distraught)

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

(same as above)

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to hide outside your door

(same as above)

So now that I explained what the song was intended to mean, I can take it and explain how it fits with Crowley and his relationship with Aziraphale.

Babe - “Didn't you have a flaming sword?" There's something tragic about you - "I gave it away", "You WHAT?" "I gave it away!" Something so magic about you - *Crowley staring in awe* Don't you agree? - "I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing", "Oh, you're an angel, I don't think you can do the wrong thing", "Oh thank you, it's been bothering me"

(For this part, I wanted to show how Aziraphale is indeed a bit tragic. He's so worried about doing the wrong thing, he's quite pitiful. And despite all this, he DOES do the things Heaven doesn't want of him, and Crowley loves that part of Aziraphale. I feel because he's able to relate to it, and he sees that Aziraphale is not your regular angel, that he's different, like him. Doesn't really fit it.)

Babe There's something lonesome about you - *comes into Globe Theater, Aziraphale smiles* Something so wholesome about you - *smiles at Crowley for the Hamlet miracle* Get closer to me - *Crowley coming closer (wall of Eden)*

(Aziraphale is lonely, I think it's clear that Crowley is the one who excites him, his one true partner through the centuries. He's always very happy to see him when he comes around. I used the smile he makes at the Globe Theater because you can see so very clearly how pleased he is to see Crowley, and it's for no reason other than that he enjoys his company. Crowley’s not there to save him or anything, he’s just THERE, according to Aziraphale. Aziraphale also has this wholesomeness to him - I mean obviously, he's an angel. And the way he smiles at Crowley is nothing but wholesome. He lights up entirely.)

No tired sighs - *that sigh during the globe theater scene* no rolling eyes - "oh, good lord" no irony - "get thee behind me foul fiend"

(Irony is basically when someone says one thing but means the opposite, which is exactly what Aziraphale did when he told Crowley to "get behind him" and referred to him as a "foul fiend". Just after, he then tells him "after you!")

No 'who cares' - "heaven will win, it’s going to be rather lovely"

(When Aziraphale acts like he doesn't care about the end of the world which would ultimately be the end of he and Crowley's relationship because they'd be separated, both going back to their sides, Heaven and Hell)

no vacant stares - staring ahead

(on bench, won’t look at Crowley)

no time for me - *leaving (during knight scene), Crowley upset*

(Aziraphale rejecting his offer of the arrangement, turning and leaving)

Honey, you're familiar

(Aziraphale is familiar to Crowley, he's what he is, just the opposite. They're in the same position just on opposing sides. I felt showing their wings would be good way to emphasize that.)

like my mirror years ago - Standing on wall of eden

(This is obvious. Crowley used to be an angel, years ago. I also threw in David Tennant as King Richard because he looks like an angel there and somewhat similar to Crowley, I thought it'd be fun to do a cross-fade with that)

Idealism sits in prison - "I’ll give you a lift, anywhere you want to go"

(Crowley wants to take Aziraphale somewhere, to spend time together, but Aziraphale won't allow it.)

chivalry fell on its sword - "you go too fast for me, Crowley"

(Despite his offering to drop him off, being chivalrous, Aziraphale only declines.)

Innocence died screaming - "I’ll be damned"

(I thought this scene was perfect. Aziraphale's fallen for Crowley, quite some time ago. And you can see how excited he is about the two of them being Godfathers. And not only did he just give in to Crowley's plan, to stop Armageddon, which is against what Heaven wants, but he comes out and says "I'll be damned" which works nicely with the lyrics.)

honey, ask me I should know - "not so bad once you get used to it", Aziraphale's loses smile.

(Crowley's already fallen)

I slithered here from Eden - *slithering*

just to sit outside your door - *Aziraphale won't agree with Crowley. Zoom out, them on wall of Eden*

(Not only is he literally slithering to Aziraphale from Eden, being the serpent who tempted Eve, but this is also metaphorical. Aziraphale won't agree with Crowley, he won't let him in, so to speak. He is rejecting Crowley in so many ways, and so Crowley is forced to either wait or just deal with the fact that Aziraphale won't give in. Just to wait outside his door, perhaps you could even say this "door" is Aziraphale's "walls". Fitting that we see the wall of Eden in this case.)

Babe there's something wretched about this - "It's over"

(Instead of using the "cheating" idea for this part, I used the whole, Aziraphale refusing to give in, idea. And breaking up with Crowley. That really was wretched.)

Something so precious about this - *blowing away stain, Aziraphale smiles*

(Self explanatory)

Oh what a sin - *watches after Aziraphale*

(Crowley's always sinning, but I was thinking more of Aziraphale during this scene, because he's the one that's not supposed to, but he is. He's in love with a demon, there's nothing more sinful, according to Heaven.)

To the strand a picnic plan for you and me - "one day we could, I don't know. Go for a picnic, dine at the Ritz"

(Literal. Couldn't be more perfect. You know a song's right for the pairing when there are lyrics and scenes that fit together like this.)

A rope in hand - Aziraphale handing over holy water

for your other man to hang from a tree - Gabriel looking at proof of their meet up

(Heaven is basically what Aziraphale is cheating on with Crowley. It's always stood for that in the series, subtextually. So of course I showed Aziraphale handing over the Holy Water that he stole from Heaven, and Gabriel finding out Aziraphale and Crowley have been meeting up and have a thing.)

Honey, you're familiar - going to heaven/hell through escalators

(Again, shows that they are the same, as is common with all opposites. It's how yin and yang works. Two sides of the same coin. A coin, but different sides of that coin. Opposites are never really different, they're actually exactly the same, just one's on THIS side and one's on THAT side.)

like my mirror years ago - "You were an angel once", "that was a long time ago"

(This song is literally perfect for them)

Idealism sits in prison - "we're hereditary enemies!"

(Aziraphale continues to reject Crowley)

chivalry fell on its sword - *handing over books* "How long have we been friends?" "Friends? We're not friends!"

(He always does things for Aziraphale. He's not only saved Aziraphale, but he's saved his books as well, and after all of this, all the favors, Aziraphale only denies that they're friends. Chivalry fell on its sword, indeed.)

Innocence died screaming - *Aziraphale in trouble with angels*

(Aziraphale 'cheating' on Heaven with Crowley, is the reason his innocence dies. He's at risk of falling because of his 'affair' with Crowley. This was the theme throughout the series, and in the original script, there was going to be a scene where he's falling for Crowley and there are some neon signs behind him, looking like a halo, that's flickering on and off. As he falls, he FALLS. I love how they did that. Falling in love with Crowley means falling from Heaven.)

honey, ask me I should know - "I didn't mean to fall"

(He's already fallen - could say from Heaven and for Aziraphale, as well)

I slithered here from Eden, just to sit outside your door - waiting outside of bookshop "well that was a thing"

(Couldn't be a better scene, especially considering in the book, it says that Crowley suddenly ‘’felt very alone’’. And he's also literally waiting outside his door, after Aziraphale basically told him to leave. I don't think Crowley had intended to leave, he got out of his car for a reason. I think he'd planned on going inside with Aziraphale up until the angel made clear that he wanted him to go.)

Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago - "we have a lot in common, you and me", "I don't know. We may have started off as angels, but YOU are fallen."

(So perfect. This shows us that Crowley feels he and Aziraphale are similar. Familiar. Like his mirror years ago, both started off as angels. This also shows us that Aziraphale is still rejecting Crowley.)

Idealism sits in prison - "We can go off together!", "we are an angel and a demon!" bandstand scene

(Crowley wants to run away with Aziraphale. That's the idealism. Aziraphale refuses, that's why it sits in prison.)

chivalry fell on it's sword - "We have nothing what so ever in common, I don't even like you!" "You do!"

(Crowley offers to take Aziraphale away with him, only for Aziraphale to say he doesn't even like him.)

Innocence died screaming - Aziraphale watching Crowley after he saved books

(This scene was also meant to be one that signifies Aziraphale's falling. There's a poster based on the scene, where the wings of the burning bird are placed perfectly behind Aziraphale, to make it look like his wings are on fire. AKA he's falling. And then the books are in the middle of them, and Crowley's off to the side. His falling in love with Crowley is his falling from Heaven, same idea.)

honey, ask me I should know - "I only ever asked questions!"

(same as before)

I slithered here from Eden - driving to bookshop

just to hide outside your door - puts on his sunglasses outside of bookshop

(I wanted to kill everyone, so I had Crowley "slithering from Eden" [driving to Aziraphale's burning bookshop], just to "hide outside his door" [put his glasses on, trying to be cool, trying to hide from what he's feeling, outside the bookshop once he's left and thinks Aziraphale is dead. In the book script, it's actually written that he was trying to hide from his feelings and trying to stay cool about the whole thing, in typical Crowley fashion]).

And I ended it with him talking about his being a demon, not meaning to fall, because his being a demon is the main reason why he and Aziraphale couldn't be together in the first place and also why he probably thinks Aziraphale was killed (for meeting up with him in secret, which they wouldn't have had to do if they were both still angels and wouldn't have been an issue if he hadn't fallen. I don't think a lot of people realized that the reason Crowley brings up his fall after something bad happens with he and Aziraphale is because he believes that's the REASON for it; his being a demon, his falling. If he were still an angel, it'd not been an issue.

It's not a music video that I felt should end happily, because the song doesn't end happily. It's a sad song. Like I said, it's about wanting someone you can't have.

But it ends just before Aziraphale returns to Crowley, which is really the moment that everything gets better.

When I made this, I had to take some clips and remove the music from them, which ended up distorting the dialogue somewhat, but you can still hear what they're saying for the most part. I also had some scenes that couldn't be edited very well, so I had to leave them, and then I couldn't put the music too low or too high for certain bits. It was tough to get that audio where it is, hopefully it won't be too distracting.

I saw that a few other people made music videos for this song and this pairing but I wanted to have my own shot at it. Enjoy!

#good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #music video #from eden

12 notes · View notes

whitewolfbumble · 6 years ago

Text

Behind Enemy Lines - Part Two of Two (Bucky x Reader)

COMPLETED

Summary: Bucky was trapped in a locked down facility, the very one you were home grown in. Now you were back and to get him out you had to battle criminals, your past, and your fears to do it. Alive, preferably, but there was no promise of that.

Prompt: “What are you doing here?”

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Language, violence/blood, death, angst, kissing because let’s balance that angst lol

Word Count: About 5k

A/N: Don’t get too comfy because down we go... This was written for @sweetboybucky 1K Writing Challenge! Congrats babe!

MY MASTERLIST // SEND ME A REQUEST // PART ONE

The descent down to save your lives began quietly, though you doubted it would stay that way for long. This hell hole was full of gruesome surprises, most of which were burned into your memories and left you screaming from the nightmares of it.

The floor below the one you saved Bucky from was empty, as was the floor below that. Soon enough you would have to get through the carnage of bodies and blood you left in your wake, lining both stairwell and hallways. But facing that would hardly be a problem to you. There was another, bigger problem now that changed the game since your ascent up here.

“So, your brother?” Bucky asked beside you, reserved and concerned.

His arm was slung over your shoulder as the pair of you walked, Bucky’s leg hitching awkwardly and making him falter a bit with every step. You figured maybe something (or somethings) was broken. Not an easy feat to break the bones of a super soldier, but he’d heal. Eventually. If your brother held up his end and the two of you could get out alive. But it wasn’t going to be fast enough.

The big thing now was that you had added Bucky- a powerhouse of a person to be sure- but he was hurt and slow. Days of torture and electricity frying his flesh plus a broken bone (or several) left his usual prowess more than a little muted and sluggish. You couldn’t risk moving too slow but also couldn’t run full speed out of here with your hurt team mate in tow.

It was a precarious position to put it lightly.

“The one and only,” you muttered, eyes scanning the corner of the hallway for the cameras. The little ever blinking red lights indicating they were watching were still off. You breathed out a puff of air and walked on, pulling Bucky along with you.

Switching stairwells was a fucking ballsy move, but you knew this place better than anyone. Certain doors were locked on certain floors from the stairs to the hall (literally over to fuck people trying to escape over). Meaning if you didn’t shift stairwells and had the unlucky fortune of getting trapped, you absolutely knew with Bucky’s slow speed you wouldn’t get out alive. So better to take a big risk than guaranteed doom you figured.

“And you trust him?” Bucky questioned, limping along, his hip to yours as you held on to him.

You gave Bucky a sideways glance and a grin with little real joy in it.

“Of course not. He ratted me out more times than I can count,” you sighed before continuing, and it wasn’t because of your brother’s betrayal in your old life. You had a hard time now faulting him for keeping his head above water by throwing you under it, however painful the outcome for you. “But we won’t make it alive without him.”

And you tried not to let the two entirely empty corridors you had just passed through give you too much hope that Ward would actually pull through for you. Nothing ever worked out when you hoped. Blood and sweat and pain was how you got out of situations like this, and to that formula you would stick too.

You scooted along the wall at the far end of the hall, the little L-shape section giving you two some protection from view of anyone who left their apartment. You rested Bucky against the dirty wall, taking a break to straighten up and look around.

“Alright,” you began, taking precious seconds to fill Bucky in. You couldn’t wait until this powderkeg of a scenario blew up so now was as good a time as any. “To survive hell, you need to know a couple things. Stay away from the windows unless you want to be shot by snipers. Machetes are the weapon of choice here, so assume everyone has one and enjoys butchering in their spare time. There is no place to hide, no safe place to lay low, no time to make a plan, no time to think. You act or you die. This is worst possible life scenario here, so no pulling punches.”

“Understood,” Bucky nodded. He was a man that could handle a mission as well as any you had seen, but you watched his eyes flit back between yours, something bubbling underneath their surface. It made you shake your head slightly.

“Pity won’t help you here either.” you warned, guessing at the guarded emotion behind his eyes and poking him in the chest.

Yeah, you grew up in this, and yeah you were irreparably damaged by it, but that only meant if there was a person who could survive this it was you. No time to stop and feel upset about it now.

But instead he stood up from the wall to his full height and pulled you in close, pinning your body suddenly to his. He gave no warning before his lips hit yours, warm and instantly intimately deep.

Your breath caught in your throat, stopped by a euphoric little hit of emotions flooding your pained and split open body. For a brief moment you felt his broad hand wrap around your waist, pressing you into him harder as his kiss did the same.

It was a fast and deep fire that passed between you, the flames still licking inside you under you skin when he broke apart from you just a quickly as he connected. It left you as breathless as a fight did and as dazed as a punch to the head.

“You said no time to think, so I didn’t. Just acted.” Bucky murmured to you, tucking a piece of sweaty, dirty hair behind your ear. His ice blue eyes shone an inch from yours with an intensity that did nothing to quell what you were feeling.

Mission minded my ass, you thought, reversing your previous musings.

“Not exactly what I meant,” you swallowed, willing yourself to step back and not back into him. Despite how fucking amazing that felt, you two just did not have the time here. “But I’m not complaining. Last thing, no more lovey-dovey shit til we get out with our hides in tact, hmm?”

Try as you might you couldn’t help a side smirk break through your expression. Or a spark of hope in your chest that you’d get out with him at your side. Because you wanted more of that fire. More of the feel of him pressed to you.

But hope had never been your friend. The fact that you were feeling it now was undoubtedly an ominous herald of what was coming.

Three more floors and not a single other living person to dodge or fight or kill.

Bucky didn’t comment or even give you a sideways glance at the carnage that painted the floors and walls of your recent ascent. Brains and limbs, blood and shards, bone and muscles lined these halls as the dead bodies they belonged to lay in silence. You had been a one person army in a war for someone far dearer to you than a thousand of these wretched people.

Beyond the judgement of Bucky, which didn’t seem to come, you hardly cared what you had done or what it looked liked. All you wanted now was the get out and leave this behind, ideally forever.

But with every step you were growing more impatient. And anxious. And restless.

Another floor, another now cold bloodbath, and another empty desolate space. That stillness as the two of you shuffled and huffed down each hall started in you a feeling that was growing with every step.

Fear.

Maybe you had only escaped this place once, but you had tried practically daily for years to get out. You were always making plans, always trying to wheedle and plot and struggle your way to freedom. You knew these gritty halls, knew these awful people, understood the routine…

This was wrong.

That thought hit you like a ton of bricks and it was only then that you realized a bit of hope there rooted in you. There was too much of it for you to dash it away out of hand as though it had never been there, and it made you feel sick. When you stopped and looked to Bucky you could feel the panicked flooding of a fresh batch of adrenaline in your veins to match the doom you felt.

Shit. This was all wrong.

“What is it?” he whispered low in the near dead silent space.

Your eyes were moving a mile a minute, taking in absolutely everything you could, though this grey concrete lined hall with cheap wooden apartment doors looked like every other hallway. Nothing was out of place (even the blood dripping and pooling around the several bodies at one end).

“There is something… Just…” You struggled with the words to describe a formless, emotion-wrought weight in the depths of you. “I don’t…”

This came on so suddenly there had to be a reason. Had to be something that sparked this survival instinct you hadn’t felt in exactly this way since you were last here.

Narrowly your eyes picked up something at the end of the hallway.

It was small, easily ignored, and nothing invasive or obvious. But you spotted it and immediately kicked everything inside you into high gear, noise and stealth be damned.

Despite your size and strength verses Bucky’s, you squeezed your arm around him tighter and pulled him along with you as you took off down the hallway. He kept up as best he could but your speed wasn’t hampered by either his hindrance or help here. He could be unconscious and dead weight in your arms and you doubted you would move any slower.

As you two passed by the camera, only then did Bucky see it too.

A tiny red blinking light of a security camera, now on and capturing your every move.

They were coming.

The drum of voices and footfalls and knives scrapping on the ground echoed and followed you, sounding louder, getting faster, driving you mad. It followed on your heels and chased you down the huge concrete stairwell, hidden in the shadows you until you just couldn’t take it.

They were several floors above you, screaming and jeering and gaining speed. They would overtake you in minutes. You clung still to Bucky, holding him upright and trying not to scream at the top of you lungs as your worst nightmare- your worst reality- was so fucking close to happening all over again.

You clenched your fists so tightly in your palms you felt the warm pricks of blood popping up from your fingernails breaking skin. The humidity in here was stifling and cloudy and felt like it was holding you down enough to make tears spring up in the corner of your eyes.

You were never going to let this dirty concrete coffin be the last place you saw before death took you, and in all the years that hadn’t changed. It made you desperate and reckless, but with the oncoming horde of unseen people on your tail you weren’t going to make it out if you didn’t try something. And try it right the fuck now.

“C’mon,” Bucky said over the echoing yells, willing you forward with words and holding you back because of his injuries. “Only a few more floors to go! We can do this!”

You shook your head, sweat dripping off and landing around your tired, lead-heavy feet as you shuffled him and yourself forward as fast as your frantic steps could.

“Not here,” you said, strained and on the verge of panic. Shit, you had to keep it together. If only that wasn’t near impossible, as you too vividly knew what would happen if you were caught. “We have to get to the north-side staircase. Now!”

You veered the two of you to the exit of the fourth floor- only four more to go until freedom that you would not probably never reach- and through the hallway. This was the one you exploded a couple hours earlier, with sticky red completely coating every square inch of this place. It covered the light fixtures and lightbulbs, casting a dark and twistedly eerie crimson glow on everything.

Bucky blinked surprised at the carnage as you entered the floor, but you didn’t. Your focus was in trying your best not to lose balance underfoot with the chunk of sinew and organ slime covering the floor, and decidedly not thinking about the decision you were currently making.

You pushed through the most unnerving corridor to exist, only rivalled by blood river in The Shining, to get to a small stairwell that you had avoided in every single one of your escape plans as a child. Because even then you weren’t stupid enough to try and escape this way, even at your most desperate. It filled you with far more dread than the hallway you just left.

The white light cast down around you with an uplifting, almost palpably calming glow as you entered the north-side stairwell. The feeling was a lie, a cruel deceit, as this was anything but a safe haven. It was lure and a dangerous one at that.

You swallowed, halting Bucky as he stepped forward and instead pushed your backs to the door.

He looked confused, both at you stopping and your drawn furrowed look of hesitation. You had come in head first into this building with little regard for safety, and now this bright and airy path to freedom gave you pause?

Grimly you nodded to the windows. They lined floor to ceiling in a filmy glass that carried all the way from the top floor to the bottom one. No one was allowed in here, save the Boss. You would be safe from the mob at least, but as far from actual safety as you could be.

“First rule,” you muttered. “Stay away from the windows.”

Bucky’s mouth opened slightly as he looked to the windows before clamping shut.

“So, hacked to death by a crowd or shot by a sniper, huh?” he said, cluing in grimly. Anyone coming in here that wasn’t the Boss would be shot, friend or foe. You had taken a bullet to the leg before and you weakly tried to forget that feeling.

“If we go fast,” you said, trying your best to stay optimistic and almost succeeding. But not quite. “We’ll be fine.”

And if not, at least your deaths would be quick. Hopefully.

Before you even took a first step out to what was a fucking terrible plan, a voice sounded from above, your skin tightening in sudden fear and locking your bones together.

“I don’t think so, sweet princess.”

That name. That little pet name that haunted your dreams and filled you with equal measure of crippling fear and burning rage, said from the mouth of your torturer for so many years.

You didn’t have to say a word to Bucky or explain who the voice was. His face grew dark and muscles tensed for a fight, having heard your stories in gruesome detail before being subjected to his own round of torment at the vile man’s hand.

Steps came down from above, slow and measured. Two pairs, actually.

When the man came into view, stopped at the top of the flight of stairs in front of you, he looked exactly as you remembered as a child. It was as though he was endlessly bound to outlive you and time itself, always alive as though to be a continued, nagging torture in your mind.

He was wearing a thin linen shirt that was too faded to be butter yellow, a sweat stained white tank top, and old beige shorts that couldn’t contain his beer belly. But the most noticeable attribute of him was the disgusting air of unchecked power a dirtball like him exuded. He ran this place and he knew it. Even called himself the Boss, his real name lost to time. His wrinkled, papery skin was almost tattooed with the invisible, disgusting deeds he had proudly done in his life. One such victim of his power being you.

And beside him was your brother.

You didn’t know if the punch to your emotional gut was because of the Boss or because of Ward, who must have ratted you out. Just like when you were kids.

“Bucky,” you said quietly but controlled. “Meet my brother Ward.”

You abstractedly gestured to your brother and Bucky’s only response beyond cold eyes was the slight squeeze on your shoulder, the pressure of his hand the briefest of comforts.

You noticed Ward’s hand, blood dripping in a stream it. It once- the last time you saw him actually- had a total of five fingers on it. Now there were two.

“Punishment.” Ward said, voice not fully like or unlike his usual tone.

It was that same tone the usually vibrant and annoying brother used when he sold you out. Shut down and robotic, but still your brother all the same.

“And what’s the reward for a job well done than?” you said bitterly, looking to the Boss.

He merely smiled, thick lips drawn over scummy teeth.

“You get to die.” he said simply.

That made your eyes narrow at him, not particularly fearful of the threat. You were marked from death since you walked in here, but that would never be the Boss’s first choice typically. He loved watching the sweet agony he inflicted on people, more addicted to it than any junky you had ever seen.

“He kills you, ruins you, and you die by your own brothers hand.”

Ah okay, so it was agony he wanted. He wanted one of his righthand men to pay for betraying him.

“But if you survive,” he continued, thickly smug. “Then your brother is killed and you, little princess, are strung up like a present just for me. That is until you find some way to kill yourself. Because there’s going to be no other way to escape this time.”

You took a breath, shaking your head. Eventually you couldn’t help a bit of a smile spread across your face, with a low breathy chuckle following. Bucky was both furious at the Boss and slightly unnerved at your reaction, though his eyes stayed focused protectively on the threat in front of you.

“I’ll stay…” Bucky said, low and firm before you could get your laughter under control. “And you’ll let Y/N go. That’s the only thing going to happen here.”

“Bucky,” you said, smiling and trying to calm yourself down a little and set your smile back into a neutral (or even angry) face. “It’s alright, whatever happens, it’s going to be fine.”

You could see in a brief flash of his eyes to yours that he knew it wasn’t going to be. The horde would close in at their commanders orders once given, the snipers were visibly poised across the street, the Boss had your brother (as much as chip to play in all this as anything else was), Bucky was injured and barely able to fight, you had no backup, no way to escape unharmed, no chance to get away… This wasn’t going to end well at all.

But all that didn’t matter. For a brief moment, it just didn’t matter to you anymore.

“What?” you said to the Boss, rage creeping into your speech and overtaking each word as you spat them out, turning from humourous to furious. “You thought you could put me in a cage match all those times and get off without having to fight me yourself? Huh? Or sell me off by the hour to scumbags and not think I’d be back to fuck you up?”

You took a measured step forward, dropping away from Bucky, voice lowering dangerously.

“Whatever happens to me, you don’t win this. I won’t let you win this. Whether it’s at my hand, or Bucky’s, or someone else on my team, or even my brother one day when he grows a pair of fucking balls… Someone will take you down and I will win that day. I will.”

There was silence, deafening and suffocating, his beady eyes watching you, dark and angry at the insubordination from the likes of a “little princess” like you.

You waited for him to signal to the snipers to mow you and Bucky down, or maybe giving the okay to the few who were left to come in and overtake you and end this theatre.

The outcome was worse.

“Kill her, Ward.” he said darkly, taking a step back.

Ward immediately took a step forward, face guarded and unreadable. The same face he always had when he found you or sold you out to get ahead in this shitshow. It was distant and shut down, emotions gone and certainly wasn’t personal to him anymore going by the look on his face and speed in his movements. But to you, this was obviously and completely personal.

You weren’t kids anymore, and it wasn’t only your life on the table here so you forced that aside.

You pushed Bucky back, who reluctantly complied though despite his injured, slow body his muscle were tense and begging to be let loose. But it was finally time to teach your stupid brother a lesson.

Your brother, for all his skills, was never a creature of evolution or growth. He had enough ambition to be cunning and move up in the ranks, but that was all. You were a person who thrived and collected fighting techniques, martial art skills, practiced strategic maneuvers, always looking to expand and grow and become better. Become faster. Grow beyond any restraint or enemy.

But he was taller, less exhausted, less concerned with your feelings than you were of his. It left you two equally matched.

Once in striking distance Ward’s fists lashed out without regard for three entire missing fingers, powerful swings seeking your flesh. Blocking was useful to a point, so you did block the first few hits, your elbows swinging up and fists covering your own face. But ducking down you kicked in his knee twice and hard, rolling on the ground swiftly and with the ground as leverage, kicking out the side of his leg powerfully.

Like a ton of bricks he went down and you pounced, slamming down on top of his body with fists and feet wailing at every pressure and sensitive point your trained mind could hit. You had to get him unconscious or incapacitated, get him out of the way and deal with the Boss.

Your determined thought was interrupted with a boney, battle-hardened fist to the face, a crack of pain matching the sound that echoed in the stairwell at the impact.

You were thrown off of him and on your back, your feet flying up protectively as he tried to pounce on you this time. In a flash you saw the glint of a knife and raised your knee to his chest, using the force to move his body too far to one side and yours too far the other for Ward to plunge it into your abdomen. The knife went sliding out of his hand and clattered blissfully down the stairs.

Another kick to his side and punch to the face happened instinctively almost as shocked, you began to realize he was actually going to do it. Was actually trying to kill you himself this time.

That thought and the rage that went with it spurred you on enough to land a couple more pounding hits, but Ward landed far more. He had you on your back and had the upper hand before long, but killing you with his bare hands was something far different than killing you with a weapon.

As the strikes came, the hits became ever so slightly lighter, but maybe that was just the amount of pain you body was starting to feel, numbing to the sensation after so much fighting.

But maybe the Boss saw it too, as something that had been trained on Bucky, keeping him back and out of the fight this whole time, was thrown into the middle of you two siblings.

The distinct clatter of a gun hit the concrete floor, coming down from the Boss’s position up the flight of stairs, not a foot from you and Ward. Immediately you heard Bucky yell out your name in furious panic as both you and your brother reflexively reached for the weapon.

You hand gripped the metal fast as lightning and before you could blink two shots rang out, the light clinking of the bullet casings floating down to the ground a moment after.

You breathed deeply and calmly, the sight in front of you not reconciling with rational thought right away. You were on your back, still hands holding out the gun straight at Ward as your training dictated. He was just in front of you, body wavering a little as hands clutched his chest.

Confused, you watched dark fluid spread out from underneath his fingers, staining his grey shirt. Another few seconds later you saw that it was a deep red. A moment after a thick drop, then a steady stream began to pour from his mouth.

His guarded gaze suddenly didn’t look shut off from you anymore. The gleam in Ward’s eyes looked pained. Heartbroken even. His watery, accusatory eyes held yours, forcing his tormented and betrayed look squarely on you.

He watched you a few seconds before those vibrantly deep eyes went lightless, and his body dropped onto your legs. His warm blood soaked into your clothes, but the sensation did nothing but chill you so deeply into your bones you never thought you would be warm again.

You saw Bucky drop to his knees in front of you, several metres away, his blue eyes catching yours, but you couldn’t exactly see him. You couldn’t really see or feel or understand anything right now. What did break through your shock was a laugh. It was a familiar one. Cold and terribly cruel.

You turned to the source of the laughter, seeing the man of your nightmares at the top step, looking down on the scene with sick glee.

You got up with the same speed as the sun rising at dawn. But this wasn’t a fresh new day. This wasn’t anything close. Not a beginning at all.

With the gun in your hand you waved the man down from the steps, him not having much choice in the matter now. Unhearing and unspeaking, you waved him down the next flight as you and Bucky followed suit, each taking the man’s sweaty arm in hand.

Being so close to him, the snipers wouldn’t shoot. The mob wouldn’t come and stage a rescue. With your gun on him, trained at his side, he wasn’t going anywhere you didn’t want.

The Boss spoke, rambling on about how you wouldn’t kill him. How you were soft- always had been- and it wasn’t your way. How the team wouldn’t let you. How much fun it was watching you kill you only brother. Your only family. How he had now and always taken everything from you. How there was nothing left to you at all.

A hitch caught in your throat at those words as you stepped down to the ground floor. You pushed it down reflexively, trying to breathe through the weight that was increasing on your chest, threatening to burst.

Light hit your face and warmth your skin, though it went no deeper into you and did nothing to set off the chill in your bones. The sun outside was weak but there. The sky wasn’t much blue but it lingered in spots between the clouds. The freedom of escaping this building was lost on you though, the air none the fresher and just as stifling as inside had been.

You were dazed, about to choke on acidic bile rising up inside your beating chest when the sounds of reality snapped back in your ears, however minimally.

They rung, like someone had been yelling, Bucky by the red-faced, chest-heaving look of him. He turned an angry eye from the Boss to you, softening and pained look replacing it as you looked back at him. You saw you were at the gate. The far reaches of your torturers power and domain.

You didn’t speak. Didn’t think. Didn’t feel. You hadn’t done any of those for some time now it seemed.

What you did do was pull the trigger three more times- one for each of Ward’s fingers he took- and left the Boss on the ground to bleed out without so much as looking at him.

Back on the compound there was quite the whirlwind of activity, everyone hearing about what happened from your brief radio home on the jet. It wasn’t exactly common occurrence for a lot of the past day to have happened.

An Avenger kidnapped without anyone (save you) noticing, another member sneaking off and finding them, not calling for backup, saving the day and bringing the kidnapped Avenger back home relatively unscathed? It was not stretch to say usually things were a bit more structured with mission briefings, a plan of attack, a team assembled and leader to call the shots.

But from what you told them, no harm no foul really. Bucky kept generally quiet on the matter, except for concerned and pained looks in your direction speaking volumes and not going beyond notice. He was unusually quiet- even for him- with face pale and breath shallow, like it hurt him to breath in too much though there was no physical injury to account for it.

“I got in, found him, got him out,” you said to sum up again with a loose shrug, eyes locked to your friend’s. “He was being tortured, probably for some Avenger-related information but if that’s what they wanted, they really picked the wrong team member. He’s a tough one to crack, that Barnes.”

The lie roll off your tongue easily and coolly, as though reality had also been like that. Like this had all merely been as simple as a grocery run from a bad part of town.

You could see a hesitation in Natasha and in Steve behind her, like something in your demeanour wasn’t quite right. Their expressions wavered, their personal little ticks showing themselves: Steve’s concerned frown and a bit of a furrowed brow from Natasha.

It didn’t matter to you though, you would never tell them the truth anyway. Everyone has secrets, you still weren’t ready to give up yours yet.

So you stayed in the med bay for a time and got patched up, before listening to stories from Sam and Clint being their funny, foolish selves, always needing to bring the centre of attention back on them somehow. After that was a drink with the others now that everyone had congregated to see and hear the drama of the day, followed by jokes and laughter and mundane talk of political landscapes and such.

But eventually, after some hours when you were sure you wouldn’t be noticed, you slipped away.

You didn’t go to your room or escape to another quiet place of the compound. You couldn’t handle being inside any longer. Instead you walked calmly straight outside.

You carried straight on across the grass until the glow of the compound was only faint on your skin. Once enough distance was between you and them, you broke out into a run, breaching the forest line in a sprint, thrashed by twigs and scratched by bushes until you had enough.

Collapsing to the ground you gasped for breath, clutching your throat and the ground, body shaking and heart dying in your chest as panic and grief not only set in, but shattered both your facade and numbing shock with an explosion of sheer agony. You had no other option, no other ability but to face your past and the murdering of your only family member, and it stole every particle of oxygen from your body.

In among your strangled gasping, your body let out a sound from deep within your soul, choked out like that of a wounded creature, pitiful and unearthly in the dark night. It was pure pain, greater and deeper and from the most tortured dying place in your soul. The moan didn’t stop, just ran out and echoed alone louder and louder. The sound of it broke you over and over again.

The mask was broken, the pretense gone. The truth of where you were from and what you had to do laid bare and open in the darkness around you.

The mournful wretched moan from that dying part inside you snapped in half, a scream taking its place in a shrill ear-shattering volume, anguish flooding every inch of you like stabs to your flesh you just couldn’t see or get away from.

Footsteps sounded behind you, almost negligible to the sound of your cries, warm arms around your hunched over body barely a comfort to you at all.

Bucky’s frame was wrapped around yours, his scent and presence and touch unable to broach your pain. The stumble of his cheek was against yours, rough and bracing against your tear-softened skin.

“I didn’t- I didn’t want to go back!” you sobbed, unhinged and uncontrolled, face digging into his own. “Please, I just didn’t want to go back!”

“You won’t have too,” Bucky whispered to you, trying in vain to say something- anything- that would help a helpless situation. He knew what it was like to lose everything, to give up a piece of yourself to simply survive even when you don’t want too. But not what it was to kill your only family in this world. “You will never have to go back there.”

“He’s dead,” you sobbed, coming out like a high pitched shot, the words bringing more tears and more torment in your veins. “My brother’s dead, and I did it! Bucky, I killed him! How could I.. why could.. how can-”

Words tumbled out without reason or control, tears flooding your eyes and clothes.

And Bucky simply held you. There was nothing else to be done. Nothing he could say, no amount of gratitude or sympathy or reasoning able to fix this or take this pain away from you.

Like you, he could only endure it, his few tears slipping down with your endless ones.

A distance behind him the silhouettes of the Avengers lay dotted in the woods and on the ground in front of the compound, both called and held back by your sobs in the darkness, and as unable to help you as you were. As unable to erase the horrible place and what was done to you. To erase what horrors you had committed.

A/N: Thanks for reading loves! Let me know what you thought of this angst!

Permanent Tags: @dontpanc, @smodvocate, @bunsterjonez, @buckybonky, @marveloustrashpanda, @hangirl93, @captainrogerrsbeard, @friendly-neighborhood-lich-queen, @thisgirllikeme, @jjsoccer11, @innerpandablizzard-blog, @fanatic-fanfic, @mdgrdians, @christinky

Bucky Barnes Tags: @bexboo616 @kaaatniss

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky angst #marvel #marvel fanfiction #avengers #avengers fanfiction #angst #behind enemy lines #behind enemy lines part two

92 notes · View notes

fly-out-of-window-hand-in-hand · 6 years ago

Text

He...ck we've all been missing the most of obvious music choices for C and A ever. So goddamn stupid. I mean Nightingale sang in Berkley square is nice and shit, but it's not forties anymore and while I bet Aziraphale appreciates older music there are some new things to be found out there.

Aziraphale's song for Crowley is Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex and while he finds the band name somewhat distasteful just look at the text (and also go and listen to it its bloody good) and dare to say to me you don't see it:

You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above Your lips, my lips, apocalypse Your lips, my lips, apocalypse Go and sneak near the rivers flood is rising up on your knees, oh please Come out and haunt me, I know you want me Come out and haunt me

And the song that makes Crowley immediately think of Aziraphale? He even has a vinyl of the song even though there were no vinyls officially made, but he does like the sound of them and more importantly, they do not turn into best of queen after two to three weeks. Yes, you might have guessed it. It's Hozier's From Eden. The tragedy of being on opposing sides, while wishing to be close. The paradox of dying virtues of his Angel and yet he is still so undeniably good. The dichotomy of their relationship being both sin and holy, because its love and that can never be sinful.

Babe, there's something tragic about you Something so magic about you Don't you agree? Babe, there's something lonesome about you Something so wholesome about you Get closer to me

Innocence died screaming Honey, ask me, I should know I SLITHERED HERE FROM EDEN Just to sit outside your door Babe, there's something wretched about this Something so precious about this Oh, what a sin.

Go and listen to both of those, please. They are superb. Enjoy.

#my shiet #good omens #Ineffable Husbands #aziraphale #crowley

24 notes · View notes

mariisolss · 2 years ago

Photo

marisol & arturo, the playlist @arturcii

miss americana and the heartbreak prince | taylor swift

we’re so sad, we paint the town blue / voted most likely to run away with you ( this one is all title & vibes, plus it wouldn’t be me unless the playlist started with taylor )

savior complex | phoebe bridgers

baby, you’re a vampire / you want blood and i promised / i’m a bad liar / with a savior complex / all the skeletons you hide / show me yours, and i’ll show you mine ( marisol would tear herself apart to fix him, if he asked it of her, and babes genuinely believes she can fix him)

happiness is a butterfly | lana del rey

if he’s as bad as they say, then i guess i’m cursed / looking into his eyes, i think he’s already hurt ( yes this is mostly sad white girl music, marisol is learning the rumors and the ‘real arturo’ and yet always willing to look for his pain to justify his actions )

our love is god | heathers the musical

we can start and finish wars / we’re what killed the dinosaurs /we’re the asteroid that’s overdue ( listen im a slut for heathers ok. but also this is literally charming villain convinces well intentioned nice girl to commit atrocities with him by claiming to love and worship her. stay tuned )

from eden | hozier

babe / there’s something wretched about this / something so precious about this / where to begin? / babe / there’s something broken about this / but i might be hoping about this / oh, what a sin ( the more she learns about him the more she realizes there might be something wretched and broken about them, but something precious she needs. plus the religious horniness of every hozier song these two fucked in a church ok )

bare bones | rainbow kitten surprise

where are the scars of your failed hearts? / have your daydreams been keeping you clean? (no) / you never say what you need to make me believe you’re the one that means it ( vibes again, but also marisol hopes to god he isn’t the one who lets her down, and that he will let her in )

georgia | phoebe bridgers

if i fix you / will you hate me? / and would you fuck this / and let us fall? ( specifically the acoustic version recorded live somewhere with all of the pain and emotion thrown into this last verse, but yeah marisol wants to save him, to fix him, but would he hate her if she did? better question is she actually able to )

a world alone | lorde

i know we’re not everlasting / we’re a train wreck waiting to happen / one day the blood won’t flow so gladly / one day we’ll all get still ( marisol as she is now is not everlasting, the question is if she can survive the train wreck, and who arturo might create her into from the devastation )

hoax | taylor swift

stood on the cliffside / screaming ‘give me a reason’ / your faithless love’s the only hoax / i believe in / don’t want no other shade of blue / but you / no other sadness in the world will do ( starting with taylor, ending with taylor. genuinely every line of this song is marisol, and yet she still only wants him, idiot girl )

#a bad liar with a savior complex | muse #i'll give you my sunshine give you my best | arthur #hshqtask013 #LISTEN I KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE OK #WE SIGNED UP FOR THIS

1 note · View note

jestbee · 7 years ago

Text

Phanfic Round Robin - Group 2

Tags: Angst, domestic violence in the past, a new story about murder, established relationship

Words: 3.5k

Writers: (in no particular order) @artsietango @p-hantasticpheels @softdans @heartfeltfangirl @phantasizeit @phanarchy

Notes: Group 2 were the first to finish! Well done! this was a lot of fun, and all the fics turned out a bit different.

I’ll post the bit I wrote above the cut, and then the rest of the fic, written collaboratively by the group, below it. Enjoy!

Can’t Take it Back

He can't take it back. He wants to, if he could rewind and make the words jump back into his mouth, snatch them back from the air between them he would. But he can't.

It's out there, and the look on Dan's face is raw and open and Phil doesn't really know what to make of it.

One of them is going to have to say something soon, they can't continue on like this.

“I…” Phil tries, but it's no use.

It was a mistake. He's concentrating on the game and not the words that are coming out of his mouth, that's how it had happened.

Now the game is paused, music still playing in the background, colourful characters suspended mid-action. Everything seems like it's paused, because that's what happens when this kind of thing is said.

Dan shakes his head and for once Phil isn't really sure what he means to indicate by it. Above their heads, staring down, a red light blinks ominously. They stare in silence and the camera keeps rolling.

Dan has a good sense of humor. Phil tries to remind himself that, but the game is on hold and he still isn’t speaking. It could be shock that Phil said such a thing while recording, that he would imply a romantic relationship. Truthfully, in his focus, Phil forgot entirely about the gaming channel.

He knew that wasn’t it though. This was crossing the lines for them no matter what context. Maybe if it had been about anyone else, but no. It was Sam he had compared Dan to, Phil’s last lover, and though it was a joke the comparison also wasn’t very kind.

Still in silence, Dan stood and dropped, chucked really, his controller on his chair. He exhaled slowly, regaining composure.

“I can’t believe you,” he said as he clicked the camera off. The red light shone bright for a moment before it dimmed into blackness. Dan spun around, swiftly making a beeline to the door.

“Dan!” Phil called out behind him. He heard the door click shut with finality.

Phil pushes his hands back into his hair, tipping back in the office chair dangerously, knowing if Dan was sitting beside him he’d scold Phil for being careless. Still flashing in and out of focus, the glowing red PAUSED screen catches the curve of his glasses and he reaches up to switch it off, knowing he’ll have to scrap the footage. There’s no way he wants to sit and edit through that; he doesn’t think Dan will, either.

“Babe,” he’d said, voice laced with irritation, letting slip not a pet-name but a marker that he was annoyed with Dan, “will you stop- Dan! I had it, then, why did you do that? You’re so cocky, don’t be a Sam”

They could withstand a lot of things from one another; they were so intensely close, after so many years, that barely anything fazed them. Sam, though. It was when Dan was still working through a mountain of insecurity and self-doubt, when he sometimes looked at Phil doe-eyed because he was a smitten nineteen-year-old without the means of expressing it just yet, when he’d try valiantly to hide the darkened, crestfallen expression on his face at the mention of Phil’s relationship. It would have been easier to categorize as jealousy and file it away, if not for the fact that Sam was a complete asshole. Dan saw it, and a little too late, Phil saw it, and when Phil was still cut up about it Dan swore up and down that he’d never, ever be like that. Any notion that Dan could be anything like him rubbed Dan the wrong way, and Phil hates himself for accidentally implying it.

Just as he stands, dusts off his jeans, readies a speech in his mind, he hears the front door click back into place and knows he’s well and truly fucked up. In vain, he tries Dan’s mobile, throwing his own to the carpet when he hears the familiar melodious ringtone echoing down the hall. Part of Phil knows that Dan needs his space, needs to go for a walk and cool off and come back when he’s ready, but the desperate, guilty, anxious part of him urges him to look high and low until he finds Dan. Frustrated and at a loss, he collapses back into the shitty futon with his head in his hands, wondering how he can make this better.

It’s cold out.

It’s cold and the chill is dry and biting. It leaves a painful burning ache in Dan’s knuckles as he rubs them absently for warmth.

Dan’s been walking for almost an hour now and he’s under dressed for the weather in his flimsy jumper and simple black jeans but he has no concern for his ice cold limbs as his mind is numb from disbelief and betrayal.

He knows though that Phil didn’t mean to say that. He knew it as soon as Phil spoke, the instant regret filling his wide blue eyes, mouth parted as if he couldn’t process the words he said himself but what’s done is done and Phil can’t take those words back even if he wants to, while Dan can’t pretend he hasn’t heard them.

He’s hurt and the emotion is justified.

Dan can be obnoxious, he could shout too much or buy weird expensive potato sacks for clothes but he could never be Sam. Phil comparing them even on accident is something that leaves him rattled.

Sam Hayden would’ve seemed normal enough to anyone with his blonde hair, charming smile and masterful words but Dan knew better and it was a curse in itself that he did.

He’d found out tracing scars upon scars on Phil’s body and soul. He’d found out piecing together a person who was too precious to be ever treated in such a deranged and downright psychopathic way.

Dan would’ve never treated Phil like that. He never could and he never would and that’s one of the reasons being in the same sentence as that monster hurt him enough to storm out without a second thought.

He loves Phil so fucking much.

He’s loved him since he first saw him on that YouTube window rambling on and on about everything and nothing as Dan wonders how one person could be allowed to be so enchanting. He’s loved him on that grainy, flickering Skype screen with his mane of a hair ruffled to a mess, bangs in his eyes and a shy smile on his pink lips. He’s loved him with his arms wrapped around him in Manchester’s train station, breathing in his scent and wondering how he could even be real.

He’s loved him through pain too, just like he has with Dan’s. He’s held Phil through the worst of his nightmares, worst of his flashbacks. Rubbed his back and matched his shallow breaths till he could see Dan again instead of cruel green eyes and rough cold hands.

Phil knows it all and Dan knows that Phil knows how much a comparison with Sam fucking Hayden would kill him but he’s let the words slip.

Dan’s mad at him, rightfully so and he has a full mind of giving him the silent treatment at least until he’s ready to forgive him but then he notices the television playing on the screen of a shop he passes by.

He stops dead in his tracks.

The caption’s up in blaring red, loud and ringing in Dan’s ears. The newscaster’s voice is somber as he recounts how a man has killed his girlfriend during a domestic argument, strangling her to death. The police lead out a large man with blonde hair and green eyes with cuffs around his wrist and the same cruel expression and Dan feels sick to his stomach.

“Maria Williams died from homicide via strangulation, according to Alfred Tiller, chief deputy. William’s boyfriend, 32-year-old Sam Hayden, was present at the scene when authorities arrived, according to local Police Department. Hayden was arrested and now faces a preliminary charge of murder.”

No.

Dan feels like he could wretch as he turns and sprints back to the apartment. He hopes to God Phil hasn’t seen the news. He reaches for his pocket to take out his phone and call Phil to make sure but curses as soon as he remembers he left it back in the lounge.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, “fuck, fuck.”

A woman with a child clutching at her hand a few feet across of him scoffs at him, but Dan doesn’t even apologize. He just stares back at her before he turns and starts jogging back to where he came from.

This is all so messed up.

A minute ago all Dan felt was white-hot anger running through his veins, anger and hurt at the fact that Phil used such a sensitive topic against him. Now he only berates himself for it. It’s not him who’s been in that abusive relationship, not him who still wakes up crying sometimes, who had to work through years of therapy and slowly trying to trust again.

Fuck.

And while for Dan, seeing this news broadcast has shocked him deeply, he is not the one who sees that kind of face in his nightmares.

He’s panting by the time he makes it into the house they live in. He waits for the elevator, come on, come on, maybe he should have taken the stairs, but it’d probably take longer- The elevator arrives, and he gets inside, sacks against the handles.

Why did he overreact so much? He doesn’t know, he’s going to analyze that later, but right now his mind is filled with all kinds of scenarios where Phil is breaking down. His mind plays through them all and he stands, helpless, watches as the numbers tick by as he slowly climbs the building.

And then he’s there, he jumbles in the key, jerks open the door, and-

“Dan?”

Phil is in the hallway looking at him. He is not hurt, he is not crying or panicking, he is okay.

“You’re okay,” Dan breathes in relief, “you’re fine.”

“I mean,” Phil starts, “I- I am sorry for what I said. I know I shouldn’t... but, wait, why were you... are you worried? About what?”

Dan swallows. Phil doesn’t know yet, and Dan freaked out, and now he’s gonna have to tell him because he will find out sooner or later anyway.

“Um,” he says, very eloquently, “can you come sit down with me?”

Phil nods, looking confused, but he lets Dan pull the front door closed, pass him in the hallway, and lead him into the lounge. They both sit, poised awkwardly on the edge of the couch. Dan is suddenly reminded of sitting on the same couch in their old London apartment, listening in horror as Phil broke down and told Dan that he didn’t think his relationship with Sam was “all that healthy anymore.” Phil had started crying and hyperventilating and apologising, like it was his fault for all of it. Dan hadn’t known what to say. He could only rub Phil’s back, in what he hoped was a soothing manner, and ask Phil what he needed from Dan. Although Phil didn’t tell Dan the extent of the abuse that day, it had been one of the first steps toward getting out of the relationship with Sam and recovering.

Dan remembers what it was like to feel utterly powerless as he watched Phil cry and panic about someone that Dan thought Phil was in love with. He remembers what it was like to have no words for Phil. Dan feels the same wordlessness, now.

Phil is waiting patiently, playing with his long fingers in his lap, pointedly not looking at Dan. But as the silence stretches on, Phil says: “I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t know why I said it. You aren’t—you aren’t Sam. You’ve never been like him. You helped me through all that, so I can’t imagine how much it hurt to be compared—”

“Phil,” Dan interrupts, “stop, please. It’s forgotten. Sometimes we say stupid things we don’t mean. God knows I’ve done the same.”

Phil knows Dan is right. Their relationship hasn’t been an easy one, with one of them recovering from abuse. In the beginning, it was hard on Dan, especially because he was still so young when Phil finally broke up with Sam. They had a lot of fights back then.

“Plus, I found something out… something that made me forget that I was even mad at you. But I’m scared to tell you.” Dan whispers, not trusting his voice to be strong enough to speak normally.

Phil bites his lip and reaches over to grab Dan’s hand. It’s their only point of contact, but the familiar heat of it calms them both, just a little bit. He tries not to let his brain run wild, but what could have Dan possible discovered in his short walk around London that has gotten him this torn up? “Whatever it is, Dan, I can handle it.”

Dan nods, but still doesn’t say anything. The words are there, but Dan can’t fit them together in a combination that doesn’t sound so utterly wrong and evil.

Phil squeezes Dan’s hand, reaches out to Dan’s chin and tips his head back to get him to look Phil in the eyes. “Whatever it is, Dan. We can handle it. We’ve been through so much together.” Dan exhales a breath, slowly, tousling a little bit of Phil’s fringe in the process. Dan leans forward to press a quick, chaste kiss to Phil’s lips. Phil lets go of Dan’s chin. And then:

“I think… Sam is in jail.” Dan is so quiet that Phil must strain to hear the tiny words floating past Dan’s lips. But when Phil works out what Dan has said and realizes their meaning, he freezes. Sam. His ex-boyfriend Sam? In jail?

Phil closes his eyes and breathes in the manner that his therapist has taught him to. Slowly in for six seconds, and then slowly out for seven. Repeat. When he has a handle on his heart and lungs, Phil whispers, “in jail for what?” even though, deep down, his heart knows what he’s in jail for. He can almost feel it. Or maybe he can just deduce it, based on his own experiences. Sam’s abuse began subtly; he was controlling and used guilt to make Phil do and think certain things. Sam manipulated Phil, making him feel like he was lucky to be loved by Sam, because no one else could ever love Phil’s quirks. Things got incrementally worse, so slowly that Phil almost didn’t even detect changes. Physical abuse didn’t even come into the equation until years into their relationship—and even that started out small, forgivable. Sam’s abuse was a gradually boiling pot, in which Phil was trapped. The increasing heat was only ever slightly uncomfortable, until Phil had something healthier to compare his relationship to. But, Phil knows, that if he had stayed in that boiling pot, that he would have been slowly boiled to death.

And Phil knows. Sam was in jail because he had successfully boiled someone to death.

Dan, unaware of Phil’s inner thoughts, responds to Phil is a gentle voice. He is rubbing Phil’s knuckles with his thumb in a familiar, soothing gesture. Phil’s eyes are still closed because he knows that, if he opens them, the world will seem too bright and overwhelming. The room will spin, and harsh colours will press themselves painfully into Phil’s eyes. Dan confirms Phil’s premonition, making it one of the only moments in his life that Phil wishes he wasn’t just a little bit psychic. “Sam… Sam is in jail for… killing his girlfriend.”

At that, Phil collapses back on the couch, his head landing on the back pillow with an uncomfortable clunk. Dan doesn’t follow; he knows that Phil needs space in these moments and will ask Dan if he needs more. Dan is still holding Phil’s hand, but he angles himself toward Phil, bringing a knee up on the couch to make it more comfortable for him.

Phil’s head is swimming with memories and thoughts. He tries his best to allow them space in his head, but not fight against them or dwell on them. Another technique taught to him by his therapist… that isn’t really working. Dan’s words—killing his girlfriend—are echoing in his head in a painful crescendo. Moments in Phil’s past are flashing in his head. They aren’t complete enough to be flashbacks, but quick and plenty enough to be jarring and confusing.

Phil snaps and pushes himself off the sofa, opening his eyes for the first time in a few minutes. The sudden movement is a mistake and he sways on his feet, pitching dangerously to one side. Dan sees it, hops up, and steadies Phil with his hands on Phil’s hips. Phil tenses at the touch and Dan detects the almost imperceptible movement. He reassures Phil, “it’s just me. It’s just Dan. I’m just making sure you don’t fall and hit your head. Do you want me to help you to bed?”

Phil turns to Dan with wide, terrified eyes. His irises are a shocking, icy blue. They don’t look unfocused and distant, thank god. But Phil sounds desperate when he says “Please.”

Slowly but surely, Dan ushers Phil to his bedroom, helping him down onto the checkerboarded blue and green covers. Phil mutters out a weak thanks before nearly collapsing onto the bed, his knees pulled up and his arms going limp, his hand not letting go of Dan’s. Dan takes a deep breath, almost regretting telling Phil, but it was too late now, and at any rate, he had the right to know.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asks softly, rubbing his thumb against the back of Phil’s hand, trying to magically make him feel better through the small, simple motion.

“I dunno, just - just- please don’t go.” Phil murmurs, fighting the tears that started to prick his eyes.

“Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t want to be alone?” Dan asks, his worrying giving an edge to his voice.

“I can’t, I just can’t...” Phil manages to choke out, tears slowly escaping down his cheekbones. He scoots over a little to make room for Dan on the bed.

Carefully, Dan awkwardly crawls onto the bed to lie down next to Phil, wrapping the arm attached to Phil’s hand around him. It takes a few minutes, with a couple of prompts from Dan to just breathe, until Phil finally begins to feel himself calm down.

He sighs, tightening his hand around Dan’s as he brings it up to his lips, kissing it lightly. Dan’s embrace becomes a little more protective after he realizes Phil is going to be okay, that everything is going to be fine between them.

Phil begins to turn over to face Dan, letting go of his hand to wrap his arms around Dan’s chest, burying his face against it.

Dan rests his chin on top of Phil’s head as Phil manages to stammer out, “I-I’m so sorry. I should never have compared you to him. You’re nothing like him Dan, nothing.”

“Ssh, I know, it’s okay. It’s okay, I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean it.” Dan says, rubbing his hand reassuringly up and down Phil’s back. “It’s okay.” After a moments pause, Phil whispers,

“That poor woman. I should’ve know, I could’ve stopped him-“

“It’s okay Phil. You did your best. There’s wasn’t anything different you could have down. Try and rest.” Dan says, his voice almost breaking when he hears Phil blame himself. A couple more moments of silence pass between the two.

Dan is almost certain that Phil has fallen asleep when he says, “I love you Dan. You’ve loved me better than anyone ever has.”

Dan blinks back tears, unable to form the words to speak his love to Phil. Instead, he kisses Phil on the forehead, and wraps him tighter in his arms. His eyes fluttering closed, Phil releases one final shuddering breath before he settles into Dan’s frame, finally falling into a safe, restful sleep. It takes Dan a few minute to close his eyes, a couple of his tears sliding onto Phil’s pillow unnoticed as he held the tall man closer, fiercely promising himself that he would never allow anyone to harm this man again before falling into a fitful sleep.

#Phanfic #Phanfic round robin #round robin fic #Phanfiction #fanfic #fic #roundrobin

34 notes · View notes