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fangirlovestuff · 4 years ago

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Everytime - Chris Evans x reader

a/n - hey lovely people!! this is based on this request, thank you so much nonnie!! honestly i didn’t know this song before and it’s a bop. it kinda spiralled a little more than the song, but i hope you’ll like it!! also, tysm Ev @evansphnx12 for helping me with the ending, you’re a sweetheart!! okay, no more rambles, enjoy<3

Summary: you and chris didn’t want the same things, or at least you didn’t think so. it was pointless to pretend like you did, you’d only end up getting hurt; but the second your eyes meet you want nothing except for each other, and god knows that’s a pull you can’t resist.

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: mentions of sex but nothing graphic, alcohol consumption (everyone’s the proper age), a little bit of angst

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"Hello?" you answer the phone curiously. The number isn't one you recognize, not saved on your phone, and you furrow your brows trying to understand who could it be, except maybe a spam call.

"Hey," answers a deep voice from the other side of the phone, "it's Chris, I don't know if you remember, you gave me your number a while ago and-"

"Oh yeah, I remember," you said, "hi!" you smiled even though you know he can't see you. "How are you?"

You both went through the normal pleasantries, but your mind wasn't really in it, running a mile a minute because god, did you remember Chris.

You two met a while back at a bar. You were out with your friends, and you noticed him from the corner of your eye, his friend group smaller than yours but large nonetheless. He was pretty far from where you were seated, but he looked so good you couldn't resist sneaking some more looks at him throughout the night.

Okay, maybe you were staring. Just a little.

And he must've noticed too, because the next time you lifted your eyes he wasn't in his previous seat, and you were about to sigh and assume he went home before you heard a voice greeting you to your right. You jumped a little in surprise before turning your head, only to look up and find his blue eyes staring back into yours, a slight smirk playing on his lips, and shit, he was so handsome it was unfair.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Even his voice was attractive. You contained your scoff of disbelief.

Long story short, one drink turned into a few more, that turned into going back to his house and having what was maybe the absolute best sex of your life, because you were both pretty drunk, but it was definitely up there.

You vaguely remember giving him your number, but you still left early the next morning, because that's what you thought he wanted, thinking the whole number thing was probably more of a courtesy than anything.

Apparently, it wasn't.

"So, I'm gonna be back in town next week," he mentioned casually, "and I was wondering if maybe… you'd wanna meet up? Grab a coffee or something?"

"Sure," you said, your brain catching up with your mouth a short moment afterward, and shit, why did you just say that? Doesn't that make you seem desperate? And besides, wasn't the whole thing supposed to be a one-night type of deal?

This was a bad idea. You knew that, but there was a small part of you that didn't care; small but definitely not insignificant.

"Great!" he chuckled on the other side of the phone. "So I'll text you sometime?"

"Yeah," you said, ending the call on an agreement to meet up Friday when he'd be in town.

So, in five days. That's enough time for your heart to stop pounding this loudly in your chest and the butterflies to stop fluttering around in your stomach, right?

Shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You kept busy the entire week, not giving yourself enough to mull over the plans you had, until it was finally Friday morning, and you woke up to a text from Chris, asking if you were still on for tonight and if you wanted him to come pick him up.

You thanked him and took him up on his offer, before plopping back first onto your bed. You put it off far enough, but now you could feel yourself inevitably freaking out.

The thing was, you really didn't know what to expect, the uncertainty that had been gnawing at the back of your mind for a week now finally taking the spotlight. You thought you'd never see him again, but that clearly wasn't the case.

Well, you'd see soon enough, you gathered, as you distracted yourself for another few hours until it was time to get ready. Chris didn't exactly tell you where you were going, but you two had mentioned a coffee, and even if it wasn't that, you imagined he wouldn't take you anywhere too fancy, so you put on something casual elegant.

I'm sorry, that last bit was kind of misleading, wasn't it? Really, you thought about what to wear for a good 30 minutes, decided on casual elegant and then took another good hour to pull out an obscene amount of clothes from your closet, proceeding to try on different outfits until you finally settled on one.

The advantage of your indecision was that it was very time consuming, leaving you very little time to get everything else you needed in order, thus less time to spiral.

When Chris texted you to come outside, all you could do was take a deep breath and go. After you greeted each other, the music filled the silence between you, not uncomfortably. Without noticing, you started humming the song beneath your breath, and before long you were both singing along, and you could feel the tension seeping out of your shoulders. Once the song ended, you took a deep breath and looked over to see Chris already looking at you. You smiled at him, and he returned it.

"Chris, I gotta, um," you swallowed, "ask you something."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Well, I'm just… is this a date? Not that I'm trying to, I don’t know… look, I just want us to be on the same page, I guess, it doesn't have to be a date, I was just, like, wondering."

Real smooth.

"It's fine," Chris chuckled a little, and you kept your eyes trained on the dash before you so you wouldn't have to meet his. "I guess… I don't really know either? We could just… see how it goes?"

"Yeah, alright," you smiled a little, "sounds great. Speaking of going, where are you taking me? Cause, you know, if you're a serial killer that's taking me out in the woods to kill me, I'd rather know now than later."

"I'm not a serial killer, and it's a surprise," he grinned.

"That's exactly what a serial killer would say," you said, playfully narrowing your eyes at him.

He let out a laugh. "Okay, okay, it's a club not far from here. It's a new one, I haven't been there myself yet, so I’d figured we'd check it out?"

"Sure," you grinned at him. The rest of the short drive went by in a flash, and when you got there, Chris darted out of the car to open your door for you.

"Thank you," you giggled.

"After you," he gestured, and you led your way into the club.

Inside, you took in the atmosphere, which was pretty relaxed since it was still early. You and Chris ate a little, engaging in conversation, and before long your drinks arrived. You were about to bring yours to your lips when Chris reached out and stopped you. You looked at him quizzically.

"We have to toast first," he shrugged with a smirk.

"Okay. So, what are we toasting for?"

"To new beginnings," he raised his glass in suggestion.

"To new beginnings," you repeated softly, clinking your glass with his before taking a sip from your drink.

When things picked up a little, you both got to the dance floor. In no time you found your rhythm, dancing together as if it wasn't the first time. The songs were jumpy, upbeat, and you found yourself beaming when Chris spun you around before pulling you back in.

You danced like that for a while, before you both got thirsty, heading to the bar for another drink.

"You wanna get outta here soon?" he asked, raising his voice to make sure you heard him over the loud music.

"Let's go," you said, grabbing his hand and practically dragging him to the exit. You heard his laugh behind you, and you smiled.

"Sorry," you said once you were outside, "the music was getting a little too loud for me," you shrugged.

"Yeah, it kinda was," he agreed with a soft smile. "So, where to next?"

You checked the time on your phone. "I mean, we could go back to my place if you want a coffee, since I doubt anywhere else is open right now."

"Great!" he smiled, and then his eyebrows furrowed a little, "But I guess neither of us should drive, right? I mean, I probably could, I just…"

"Yeah, you're right," you nodded.

"My place is closer to here, actually," he said, "If you want, we could walk there?"

"Alright," you smiled.

You two started walking side by side, silently at first. "What about your car?" you asked.

"I'll come by and get it tomorrow," he shrugged. "I need to get gas anyway. I'm driving upstate again in a couple of days."

"Can't you fly?"

"Not since the last time I checked, when I was four and nearly broke my arm jumping from a tree," he smiled teasingly.

"Ha ha," you rolled your eyes, a smile spreading on your face despite your efforts to stop it. "I mean, wouldn't it be easier if you took a plane instead of driving?"

"Maybe, but I don't like flying that much. It's exhausting."

You simply hummed in reply.

Before long, you were at Chris' house. Again, your mind unhelpfully supplied, vividly reminding you of the last time you were here, which was-

"So, do you want that coffee?" Chris asked when he showed you in, thankfully breaking your train of thought before you could get too zoned out.

"Um yeah, that sounds wonderful," you smiled at him. As you waited on his couch while he went to get the coffee, your eyes wandered around the large room. You didn't really get much of a look at his house before since you were… occupied with other things, but it was really nice, modestly decorated.

As you were looking around, you heard a soft patter of footsteps come up behind you, and you turned around to see Chris concentrating on the two mugs in his hand, trying not to spill anything, his tongue darting out in concentration a little. It made you giggle a little, making him look up at the sudden sound.

"What?" he asked, putting the mugs down carefully.

"Nothing," you smiled.

He eyed you suspiciously before apparently deciding to drop it, since all he did was sit down and pat the space next to him for you to sit in.

You two decided to watch a movie, but honestly, to each of you the other one was way more interesting than the movie.

Your second night with Chris ended up pretty much the same as the first one, with amazing sex and a good night's sleep. And then, slipping away the next morning.

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"I just, ugh," you plopped back down on your bed, talking to your friend on the phone, "I don't know."

"Listen, it's only been a few days, and he told you he was going away, I'm sure he'll talk to you soon. Or not," your friend said from the other side of the phone.

"That's comforting," you snorted, flipping onto your stomach.

"Hey, you said it yourself, right? You don't know what you two are. If it was just a hookup, he probably won't call." You opened your mouth to reply, but as if she could sense it, your friend continued before you could. "I'm not being mean, I'm being honest. You don't deserve to get your heart broken."

"I know," you sighed. "Thank you," you said sincerely, "talk to you later."

In the months that followed you saw Chris a few more times, each of them ending in pretty much the same way. Some were at your house, and he was gone in the morning, which in a way confirmed you were… what, friends with benefits? In a casual relationship?

You knew you shouldn't obsess about putting a label to it, because it doesn't really matter, except it did matter to you and you'd really like to know.

But you never brought it up. You liked what you had. It was fun. Really fun.

And every time you would be with him, most of your logical thinking skills would fly out of the window, so there's that. You liked to rationalize you didn't bring it up because you were consciously deciding not to jeopardize what you have, but really, it just doesn't cross your mind when you're with him.

It's weird, because when you're with him, you're incredibly calm, happy really, but when you're not, he makes you so nervous you feel like running to get the fidgety energy out. And running sucks.

Now, you were sitting at your friend's kitchen table as she made herself a coffee.

"Hey," your friend said, her voice laced with strictness and affection, "are you listening to me?"

"Yeah," you nodded, shaking yourself from your reverie.

"Really? Or are you thinking about Chris again?"

"What? No, I was just thinking about-" you started denying it, before your friend simply arched her brow at you, making you sigh. "-Chris. God, am I really that obvious?"

"Yes," she said matter-of-factly before sipping her coffee.

"Sorry," you offered half-heartedly, "I know I'm being annoying, I just… I like him. And I don't know what we are and it's driving me up the wall."

"Hold on, did you just say you liked him?" she looked at you incredulously.

"Yes," you said, although it came out more as a question than a statement.

"Oh honey," she said, sitting down in the chair next to you.

"I know, I know," you sighed looking at the table instead of her, "I shouldn't. But I do," you looked up at her. "That's why I'm… scared," the admission fell past your lips, the last word merely a whisper.

Your friend wrapped her arm around you in comfort, knowing you still needed to talk about it.

"If I just knew what he wanted, this would all be easier, because then I could keep the same mindset. But I don't wanna be annoying and end up embarrassing myself."

"You know what I think about this. You don't deserve to get hurt," she replied, squeezing your shoulders.

"I know, I just really don't know what to do," you sighed.

"If I were you," she started, "I'd tell him I'm seeing someone else."

"What?" you frowned.

"Just my take on it. What's the worst thing that could happen? It's not like you can't break up if you're not together," she shrugged.

"Okay, I get it," you scoffed. "No need to rub it in."

Despite your cynicism, you couldn't help thinking maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. Also, it was kind of the only idea you had, so either that or leave things as they were. Not that you were really complaining, I mean, things were wonderful as they are, but the uncertainty was becoming unbearable.

Maybe confronting him about it will be good, whispers a voice of hope in your head.

Yeah, you thought, or maybe it'll bite me in the ass. And not in a fun way.

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The next time Chris was in town, he called you on a Friday morning.

"Hey!" he said, and even across the phone you could hear he was excited. It made your heart swell with fondness, a feeling you quickly shook off because, well, you weren't exactly boyfriend and girlfriend, so the only feeling you should have is like, attraction. Right?

"Hey," you said, your voice soft.

"So, I'm in town this weekend, and I was thinking, do you wanna do something?"

"I guess," you said, a smile sneaking onto your face, "What'd you have in mind?"

"You'll see," he said, and you could practically hear his smirk, "Just bring an overnight bag."

An overnight b-

"Yeah, sure," you said, your mouth speaking before your brain caught up, and shit, that seems to happen entirely too often when you were talking to him.

"Great! So I'll see you tonight?"

"See you," you agreed, ending the call, not before he told you he'd pick you up at seven.

Well, now all you had to do was pack an overnight bag for somewhere without knowing where, which was just… splendid.

Stifling your groan of frustration, you got up to do just that.

Just like always, when Chris came to pick you up and you got into his car, a smile came onto your face, your previous frustration now replaced with near-giddiness. Focus, you told yourself, you should be telling him you're seeing someone else.

But you didn't, not yet obviously, since you just got into his car. That'd be an extremely weird way to start a conversation.

"Hi," you greeted instead, smiling at him.

"Hey," he grinned, barely waiting for you to get your seatbelt on before he started driving.

"So, where are we going that's got you so excited, you're willing to risk getting into a car accident?" you chuckled.

"It's a surprise, and I'm not risking anything," he rolled his eyes.

"Sure you aren't, mad max," you quipped, making him laugh. "And last time I checked, there's nowhere called 'a surprise'."

He chuckled. "C'mon, you'll see for yourself, we're almost there."

And indeed, a few minutes later he was slowing down and turning to a road that led into a forest.

"Okay, seriously Chris, where are we going?"

"Relax, we're not lost. I know exactly where we are."

"I was thinking more along the lines of 'huh, maybe you are a serial killer after all', but yeah, that's reassuring," you raised your brows at him.

"If I were a serial killer I would've killed you already," he rolled his eyes at your antics.

"That's exactly-"

"What a serial killer would say," he completed your sentence, huffing out a laugh, "I figured."

You giggled at that, relaxing into your seat. You weren't actually worried, but it was nice to know you haven’t been fucking a serial killer for the last few months.

Sooner rather than later Chris parked the car, meaning you arrived, but you didn't really see where exactly you are until you got out. Then, you saw a small clearing in the woods, with what seemed like the remains of a fire in the middle of it.

"Okay, so we ruled out the serial killer option," you called out to Chris, who was busy opening the trunk of the car, "The way I see it you're either gonna sacrifice me in a weird satanic ritual or this is a camping site."

"Well, I considered the first one but it just seemed like a lot of effort," he teased, "Yeah, this is a camping site."

"Awesome," you chuckled, getting your bag. "Do you need help with anything or…"

"Oh, no, just wait a second and I'll get it all out," he said, already lifting his bag out and what seemed like the bag of a tent.

You did as he said and waited by the remains of the campfire. And you know, maybe also ogling him a bit as he carried the bags over.

"So," he started when he put the bags down, "I think we should put up the camp first, before the sun completely sets and then we won't be able to see what we're doing."

"Sounds like a good idea," you smiled.

You two started putting up the tent, a task that was harder than you realized, the flexible poles getting disconnected while you were moving them through the fabric and poking you in the stomach one unfortunate time.

By the time the sun was setting, you were getting pretty sulky, and it didn't escape Chris' attention. "C'mon, now's the most satisfying part," he smiled.

Starting to put up the poles, the tent turned from a pile of fabric and plastic to a tall tent in a matter of minutes.

"Okay, this is the most satisfying part," you laughed a little when you saw the results of your handiwork.

While Chris was setting up the fire, you were rummaging through the food he brought, because you were getting snacky. Just when you found the marshmallows, Chris asked, "So when's the last time you built a tent? Besides right now, I mean."

"Ummm… I don't know. Probably when I was really little," you shrugged.

"I come out here pretty often when I can," he said, "It's nice". You turned to look at him, but he was still messing around with the wood.

"What've you been up to lately then?" he smiled when he was finally done lighting the fire, turning his gaze up to look at you.

Well, it's now or never.

"There's this guy that offered me to hang out sometime," you said as casually as you could, "Mike."

Mike? Really? That's the name you came up with?

You thought you saw Chris' jaw clench, but maybe it was just the lack of light playing tricks on you. When he said nothing you continued. "He's nice."

It was like his whole demeanor had changed in the span of seconds, from smiling and relaxed his muscles tensed, and his jaw was definitely clenched.

"Okay," was the only thing he said after a few moments.

The only thing disturbing the silence were the sounds of nature and the crackling fire. You had a beer with him, and still, silence.

"Is everything okay?" you asked. He just hummed in response, his mind clearly somewhere else.

"Earth to Chris?" you snapped your fingers in front of his face.

"I'm here," he chuckled. "So anyways, did you?"

"What?"

"Did you hang out with Mike?"

"Oh, that," you said, "would it have mattered if I did?" you took a swig of your beer.

"Yes," he said lowly.

"Yes?" you turned to look at him so quickly your neck nearly snapped. He was still looking ahead into the fire.

"I mean," he turned his eyes to you, "What about us?"

"Oh, suddenly now we're an 'us'?" you rolled your eyes, "that's wonderful, Chris. Really, it is. You’re barely here, and when you are, we fuck and you leave, and now this? Maybe I should hang out with Mike," you mumbled the last part.

"If that's how you feel," he said.

You were both quiet for the rest of the night, going to sleep in separate sleeping bags. It was cold, and all you wanted to do was crawl into Chris' bag with him to steal some warmth, but your pride wouldn't let you.

In the morning, you woke up to find the tent empty. You rubbed your eyes and went outside, squinting against the morning sun.

"Good morning," Chris greeted quietly. He was sitting next to where the fire was last night, now obviously reduced to lumps of coal, and if that didn't perfectly represent your mood, you didn't know what did.

"Morning," you replied curtly.

"You know, about yesterday, I-"

"No, I don't know," you burst out. "Or at least I didn’t know, and it drove me crazy, thinking about what the hell I was to you, what we… are we even a 'we'?" you shrugged helplessly. "But I guess now I know, so thanks for that one."

"I'm sorry," he said, coming closer to you.

"Yeah, whate-"

"I'm sorry you felt that way. I shouldn’t have left things so up in the air. I should've told you how much I liked you from the start, instead of doing… whatever it is we've been doing. I'm sorry you felt like I didn't want you, because I do," his eyes pierced into yours. "I'm sorry I didn't say that sooner."

"I- you like me?" you asked, eyes going wide.

"I do," he smiled timidly, scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry I was being a bitch earlier," you mumbled.

"It's okay, it’s re-"

"Do you accept my apology?" you cut him off with a smile.

"Yeah, of course."

"Great."

You walked the last few steps between you, closing the distance and planting your lips on his.

Every other time you kissed Chris, there was a rush to it, an aroused urgency, the knowledge of what it would lead to. But now there was the sweet promise of something more. You didn't know exactly what that was, but it made your heart hum in joy and your belly do somersaults.

Later, you found out the promise was happiness.

You felt it when you finally went on your first official "date date" with Chris. You felt it when he kissed you goodnight and good morning and everything in between. You even felt it when he found out Mike wasn't real and he laughed, and honestly you laughed too, because it was pretty funny.

Really, you felt it every time you were with Chris. Which was convenient, since, as he told you on several occasions, he wasn't planning on letting you go any time soon.

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mintmatcha · 4 years ago

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9 months, 29 days

Matsukawa and Hanamaki

chapter two of 10 months

CW: nothing in particular for this chapter, but series is an angst story containing mentions of death. be warned

“Oi,” Mattsun’s tugging on his outdoor shoes, trying his best not to crumple the heel. Rain beats against the roof, so hard that a leak has formed in the center of the locker room. It drips so rapidly, that constant little dripdripdripdripdripdrip that dips into his brain and makes him irrationally angry. Everything’s been making him angry today though.

Practice was supposed to end an hour ago. As much as he loves playing, Mattsun wasn't like Oikawa; this kind of work, this kind of pushing himself to the brink, wasn't fun. He wanted to go home, to finish up his homework in complete silence, maybe jack off, and then sleep all fucking weekend.

In fact, if he could go the next couple days without speaking to anyone, he’d be perfectly happy. No parents, no siblings, no exceptions.

“Oi, Issei,” Makki’s shoe thunks against his lower back, firm enough to push him deeper into a squat, and Mattsun feels the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile. Pain pulses in his knees everytime Makki thumps his dirty old shoe against him. "Did you forget your umbrella again?”

Mattsun’s umbrella sits in his open locker.

“Aren’t you being too casual?” he tries to remember why he was just in a bad mood, but just can’t. His name on Makki's lips bounces around his skull on loop. Issei, Issei, Issei- it's such a pretty name. If he asked, he'd say it again and again, but the gym door's there, unlocked, waiting to be opened, waiting to catch them being too friendly with each other.

“It’s just us. The underclassmen left already and our fearless leaders are still practicing.” Makki shrugs, “They wouldn’t think it was suspicious anyway.”

Mattsun jumps to his feet with all of the energy his body can manage, knocking Makki off balance enough to knock him onto his ass. He lands with a splash, sprawled on his back. They look at each other for a moment, wide eyed as they process the scene. Makki lays in the puddle, that dreaded drip bouncing off his nose and down into his mouth, which is parted in fake horror. His school uniform and bag covered in growing, dark wet spots, probably crawling in athlete's foot. Mattsun freezes, unsure of whether he should apologize or laugh. With a scowl, face knotted up in disgust, Makki silently undoes the latches to his bag and pulls out his umbrella. With a press of the button, it unfolds. The leak forms little droplets that roll down the black fabric onto his stomach.

“No one warned me it was raining inside too.” Makki huffs before then both break into laughter. It’s not that funny, but it’s what Mattsun needed. He doesn’t stop until he’s hunches over, clutching his side and trying to blink away tears, completely breathless. His eyes never leave his friends and that makes it better, makes his body feel warmer.

“Don’t open an umbrella inside; it’s bad luck,” the brunette reaches out a hand and Makki takes it.

The others always talked about holding girl’s hands and enjoying the size difference, enjoying how tiny they felt. They liked the delicate fingers, the thin palms, but Mattsun never really understood it.

Makki’s hands were the same size as his. Coarse and dry, a bit calloused on the palms, and they fit perfectly together with his. His fingers are thick, still sweaty and warm from practice, and yet Mattsun wants them interlaced with his own. Makki squeezes, rubbing his thumb along with lines of his palm like he knows exactly what Mattsun’s thinking about, before pulling himself up.

“Bad luck doesn’t exist, dude.” Makki twirls the umbrella, “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“I hope not.” Mattsun adjusts his grip and does exactly what he wants to, squeezing his fingers in between his best friend’s.

“So, did you forget your umbrella?”

Mattsun’s umbrella sits in his locker. It’s sitting there in the open, a bright Seijoh blue. They both see it, they both know it’s there. Mattsun reaches in and pulls on his shoulder bag with a shrug. Then, he silently closes the locker.

“Yeah,” he lies. The lie makes the next part easier to explain to the others, “I was going to wait until the rain stopped.”

Their hands are still joined. He tries not to fixate on the warmth.

“Nah, don’t be stupid,” Makki starts walking and Mattsun follows. He knows the drill by now. “Share with me. I’ll walk you home.”

They step out into the downpour, shoulders pressed into each other, only half covered by the tiny umbrella. They occasionally squeeze each other’s hand, a silent acknowledgement. I know what this means, it says, I know you didn’t need me to walk you home. I know we just needed an excuse.

“My bookbag’s getting soaked, Hiro.”

“Then switch arms, dumbass.”

“Then I couldn’t-” Mattsun chokes on his words as something clatters behind them. He quickly swivels, checking to see if the campus was empty, only to be greeted by emptiness. The rain fogs up the street, giving them a curtain of privacy. This thing between them, whatever it was, was just for the two of them.

“It’s just us, Issei,” Makki cackles, “You worry too much.”

He sighs and continues forward, “I just don’t want people talking.”

“Some friends, like us, are just touchy, it’s no big deal.”

Mattsun dips down and presses his forehead against his friend’s temple suddenly. The humidity of the rain doesn’t hide the long, warm breath Makki lets out at the touch, and the rain doesn’t hide how his eyes flutter shut. Solitude makes him bold.

“Yeah,” Mattsun whispers, lips so close that they almost brush against his cheek. It’s plump, dusty pink that almost matches his hair. “I’m just touchy, I guess.”

Makki nuzzles into the touch. “Your future girlfriend is gonna love that about you.”

“Don’t say stupid things like that.” Mattsun whispers, tugging him closer by the arm until they’re chest to chest. Being wet makes the fabric seem thinner and the space between them seem smaller.

The other guys always talk about short girls: dipping down to kiss them, having their girlfriends stand on their toes for a kiss, feeling big and strong compared to them.

Makki’s face is level with his. It'd be so easy.

“I don’t want a girlfriend.” Mattsun says.

“Oh yeah?” Makki flashes his typical grin, “Then what do you want?”

3:24 Two full hours before his alarm. Mattsun stares at the texture of his ceiling and tries to think about nothing. His hand feels empty. It’s unfair of his brain to remember that moment so vividly. It’s a meaningless memory, something that should have been long forgotten, but god, his brain refuses to let it go. If he closes his eyes, he can still feel the smooth, supple skin against his nose, smell the hint of aftershave Makki bought from the corner store. He flips the pillow and buries his head into the cool side. He tries to think about nothing. Makki's eyes were so sunken in, so flat. It makes his stomach churn to think about it, to think about how he’s dying. He gives up and pulls his phone from the side table. Why does he care? They don’t talk anymore. Makki just wants him to help plan a stupid party. They don’t mean anything to each other. Not anymore. Mattsun checks Twitter. The top trending story is about a breakthrough in neuroscience, but his eyes won’t focus to read it. Exhaustion makes him stupid. His hands shake when he opens his texting app. He tells himself he's texting Midori, but he types in a new number instead. One he knows by heart.

mi>hey mi>could you do breakfast

ht>who dis?

ht>i told you to lose my number yuuji

mi>not yuuji

mi>issei

ht>lmaooooo sorry ht> the old place at 9?

mi>k mi>... why are you awake

ht> headache. ht> why are YOU

Mattsun doesn't answer. He just stares at the ceiling again.

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lilallama · 4 years ago

Text

Valentines Day

TW: Obsessive behaviour, mentioning of stealing and slight homophobia, proceed with caution!

"Taehyung sweetie, wake up.~"

I groan and turn in my sheets, slowly regaining consciousness. "I've prepared you breakfast. Get dressed and come downstairs." The clacking of my mother's heels echoed through the hall as she went away. Groggily I sit up and stretch. I push my bangs out of my eyes I stare towards the window to my left. The sun shines through the thin curtains casting an orange light on my bedroom wall. I yawn and stand up, pulling the curtains aside and flooding the room with light. I take a moment to look outside, admiring our beautiful garden before remembering what day it is. Today is Valentines day! My God/Goddess asked me to meet up with them. Oh, spending Valentines with my saviour is the best thing to have ever happened to me!

I rush to pick out a white dress shirt, a khaki sweater vest with a black pair of slacks. After also brushing through my hair to untangle any knots I opened my secret Y/n shrine. The picture of their smiling face makes my heart pound so fast. They are otherworldly, absolutely ethereal! I take out a shirt of theirs which I borrowed a while ago. If I close my eyes it still smells like them, it's addictive.

Just to make sure that no items were robbed from their place I go through all items once again. Five chewed on pencils, a small box of empty wrappers, my 20 most favourite photos of them, the candle they accidentally bit into because they thought it was edible, the borrowed shirt, a pair of their underwear, a bunch of pins and hair ties they touched, the bundle of 36 hair strands I managed to collect (I only collect the hairs that have fallen out, I would never dare to cut or rip out my God's/Goddess' hair) and my water bottle which they drank out of (I had to buy a new one to keep this in my shrine but it was so worth it). All my items were there.

Suddenly I hear clacking and a small thud. I turn around in confusion, what just happened? But then I hear Yeontan's bark from the other side of the door. He ran against the door again. I can't help but laugh as I go to open the door for him. He jumps up a bit so I kneel down to pet him. "I'm meeting up with Y/n today, isn't that exciting!" Yeontan immediately started yapping, he loved my God/Goddess almost as much as I do. It's really incredible what an effect Y/n has on everyone, they all seem to love them. Well, then again that is expected to be the case considering Y/n is such a godly being.

"Taehyung!" "I'm coming!" My mother called me again. "Come on, boy." I hurry downstairs with Yeontan following me. "Good morning, Ma. Good morning, Pa." My father nodded at me while my mother beckoned me to sit down and eat. While I finish my breakfast my mother was talking about a lot of stuff. "Have you heard, they're trying to make gay marriage legal here. That is complete nonsense! God created a man and a woman for a reason." I have no clue what my mother was raging about. I concluded that she's probably just misinformed, Y/n said that being part of the lgbtq community is completely natural and alright. I know they know better than anyone else. "What's so bad about it, Ma?" My mother looked at me with horror. "They can't help who they're attracted to. It's all natural, isn't it?" My mother shook her head. "No!" She exclaimed, "Being gay or trans or something is inherently selfish! Gays are selfish! Men and women were created by God to conceive a child and stop the human kind from getting extinct. Trans are selfish! God gave you a body and you chose to change it in it's entirety! Such behaviour is unacceptable." "But I thought God loves everyo-" "Where have you even gotten that idea? Maybe you should go back to homeschooling. Clearly these other kids are having a bad influence on you." I look over to my father who just continues reading the newspaper. I respect my mother but she clearly isn't ready yet for the wisdom Y/n has bestowed upon me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. "Look at the time we'll have to go now." Right, it was Sunday which means we're going to church. I always like going there, the windows astound me everytime. And the pastor is always so welcoming and friendly. I vividly remember asking him about the lgbtq community after Y/n had told me about them. He said that God loves everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. He truly is a wise man.

As soon as we returned my father got a call from a business partner. They said they'd have to go now and want me to take Yeontan with me to my meet up. While I was a bit saddened that I couldn't be alone with my God/Goddess I decided it wouldn't be a problem.

Yeontan excitedly trots besides me as I make my way to the place where my saviour and I would meet up. I debated getting them a bouquet of red roses for Valentines day, but figured that the 20 letters, 12 stuffed animals and 18 bouquets I gave them during the past week would be enough, for now. As I make my way there I couldn't conceal the excitement I felt. Getting the chance to spend time with my Master/Mistress was something I believed I'd only ever dream about. The euphoria I feel from the mere thought of getting to see them today is dizzying.

Suddenly Yeontan starts barking and storms off. He never leaves my side, that's why he's not kept on a leash. To see him run away from me like that was surprising at best. But then I notice the reason for his behaviour. The puppy ran towards Y/n who was waiting for me a few metres away. How could I have just ignored my saviour like that! What I did was unacceptable. I would punish myself, but it would likely ruin Y/n's day, I can't let that happen. So I run after Yeontan, towards my God/Goddess.

"Good morning, Y/n! I'm sorry about him." I look down at Yeontan who's still getting pet by Y/n. He better cherish that they're even looking at him. It's bad enough that he practically demanded pats from them. So disrespectful. "No worries. He's so adorable!" At least Y/n seemed to enjoy his behaviour. I doubt it would work if I behaved that way towards them, but that's for another day to find out. "I dearly hope you didn't have to wait too long." They smile up at me. Oh, their smile is to die for. So incredibly perfect! I feel my knees getting weak. "Don't worry about it. I just arrived too." Yeontan started barking again and was noe excitedly jumping around, making Y/n laugh. "Awe! Yeontan is so adorable. I didn't know you'd take him with you." "It was unexpected for me as well." They stand up and take my hand. My heart is beating so fast, I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's getting harder to breathe. "Let's go now!" We start walking along the path with Yeontan rushing after us.

We sat outside a small café and each ordered our desired dessert. "Have you ever been on a date?" That question caught me off guard. "Oh, no. I haven't." I believe that much was quite obvious, but perhaps I was mistaken. They look surprised, shocked almost. "Really? How come? Aren't you getting asked out left and right?" "I suppose I just never had interest in anyone. I barely know those who ask me out. They're all so shallow to confess without knowing anything about me." Just then the waiter returned with our desserts. We thank him before we start eating.

Both of us watch as Yeontan is running around and playing in the snow. I look over to see Y/n smile at him, leading me to also smile. I adore their smile. Everything about them is so perfect. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. Each detail is something new, something beautiful to discover. Unable to take y eyes off them I-

"Excuse me." Who dares interrupt my special time with my God/Goddess?! Two girls stood next our table. One almost cowering behind the other and mumbling something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no. Jess, don't." But I really couldn't care less. "My friend thinks you're really cute and was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with her." So annoying. I eye them down and make one thing clear. "I'm not interested." The girl cowering behind the other looked disappointed, perhaps ashamed. Good. She should be. After they interrupted my date with the Y/n they can go burn for all I care. "Have a good day." After the girls back away with the other girl exclaiming, "What a jerk!" I turn my attention back to Y/n. "Uhm, wasn't that a bit harsh?" They looked unsure. "Was it? I thought it was reasonable. Better to tell the truth than lead them on, am I correct?" They took another bite of their dessert. "I guess you're right."

We had a grand time strolling through the park, even having a snowball fight. They won. Obviously I could not compete with my God/Goddess, no one could ever. Yeontan was also very entertained as he kept trying to catch the snowballs as they flew over his head. Soon the sun began setting. It was incredible how fast the time flew by. Both our clothes were slightly damp due to the snow. I didn't think much about it untill Y/n began shivering. No no no no! My saviour could get sick, or die! I couldn't let that happen. I take off my jacket and gently place it over their shoulders. "But, won't you be cold?" I give them a reassured smile. "Don't worry about me, my God/Goddess. If I may, I'd love to accompany on your way home." They let out a bashful chuckle, making me melt. I feel my entire body heating up from that gorgeous chuckle. Their power over me is simply astounding.

All the way home I keep my arm atound them in hopes of providing some form of warmth for them. I cannot bear knowing that they're freezing. Never would I be able to forgive myself if they'd catch a cold. Yeontan was also slowly getting tired, which was by bo means a surprise considering how he played and jumped around all day. "Thank you for bring me home, Taehyung." Hearing them say my name makes my entire body tingle and flutter. "You do not have to thank me, Y/n. It was an honour!" Whatever I expected, it was not feeling their lips against mine. My mind went blank and I could barely stand. I felt dizzy, yet so so good! They gave me my jacket back after the short peck and laughed. "Goodnight!" Then they went inside and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, shocked at what had happened yet freling absolute bliss. After a minute or so I manage to finally pull myself together. I put on my jacket, it smells like them! And then I picked Yeontan up and walked home.

Oh, this day was the best I've ever had!

If you liked my work please reblog! 💌

#yandere bts #cooking club #yandere taehyung #yandere v #valentine week

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oloreaa · 4 years ago

Text

2020 WRAP UP!

Okay here we are!! Hopefully I have not missed anyone because I truly dont mean to "snub" anyone, so here is a list of people who I feel very thankful for knowing this year, where I started out on tumblr, you have been truly bright presences and I love you very very much.

First off here are some people I don't know very well (or at all, but I admire their work) but I think have excellent vibes and I would love to get to know better/let them know that I appreciate them very very much:

@maxlordd @ollypopp @opheliaelysia @honeymandos @concussed-to-pieces @pikemoreno @huliabitch @mitchi-c @hansoulo @browneyes-djarin @cinewhore @max--phillips @din-damn-djarin @ezrasarm @dishonouringmycow @keeper0fthestars @dadolorian @dindjarindiaries @cobbvader @leo-moon @justrunamok @frannyzooey @miranhas-art @keethus-arts @hdlynn @zeldasayer @qveenbvtch @softpedropascal @marvel-and-mischief @datmando @stubbychaos @di-kut @themangolorian @vercopaanir @mcfreakin-bxtch

and so, so many more that I cannot think of right now (and tumblr doesnt let me tag more than 50 people)

And for those I know a bit better, under the cut❤:

@binggrae-banana-milk : You're the first person I really talked to on tumblr, and I cherish every single one of our interactions so much. The one time where we had watched Revenge of the Sith together and had a full on BLAST, it was incredibly fun and every time we just kind of scream at each other in dms it's so funny, how we both are freaking out simultaneously!! Also before you I never really keysmashed and now it's a part of my vocabulary lmao, ily!!!

@mndalorians : Cass. Oh, my dear Cass. Listen, you have brightened up my year by SO MUCH. I don't even want to know how many tens of thousands of words our chat consists of dhdhdh, from discovering cultural differences with each other, to yelling about the same stuff, to planning fics and telling each other of our ideas. We share a brain cell and we are literally the embodiment of Zwei Dumme, ein Gedanke. If I'm glad for anything in this year, it's starting to talk to you. You're literally one of my closest friends and I never hesitate in hitting you up, from absolute crack to heartbreak, you have the range, darling. I love you so much, you don't even know❤

@agirllovespancakes : Iris baby, oh my god. I don't even know where to start. The way how we just started talking without even KNOWING how we started talking is the funniest thing, EVER. This friendship came out of fucking NOWHERE and I am so glad for this. I can always count of you to stand by my side in so many things, and you're the other chaotic one in Tender Roasting, I adore you. The way we just go "kskssksks" and "dhddhdhdhd" at each other for literally hours because we are just losing it over each other is amazing. Ich hab dich so lieb!!!

@adikaofmandalore : Holy shit, Adi, the only thing I can think of now is that you literally deserve everything good and sweet in this world. You're one of the kindest souls on here, and I've never met anyone who is as sweet as you. I don't even know how you are real. Everytime we talk I'm literally smiling so bright, your enthusiasm for Ven is unparalleled and the way we just go bonkers at each other with ideas?? You're so supportive?? And your razor sharp wit and sarcasm is AMAZING to witness in action. Your writing is incredible and incredibly underrated and your stubbornness is admirable. You manage to power though Everything and that's so impressive. I love you very much!!!

@teaofpeach : lee babe DAMN I've never met anyone who is as funny as you. Like whenever we are talking it's just, it ends with me cackling and having the biggest smile on my face because you made me laugh so much. Such a bright presence on my dash and your TAGS are always sending me. So witty and smart and your vocabulary is unparalleled. Filthy hoe but I love you for it. You taught me so much tumblr lingo just by texting me and I always feel Educated afterwards dhdhdhd I love you so much and I trust you with every single one of my attempts at Spiciness

@mandolovian : DEV BABY my love from tomorrow🥺🥺 the time difference of HELL had never stopped us from being hoe af in the dms lmao, I vividly remember one of our first convos spiralling into thots SO FUCKING FAST that was the funniest shit ever. It's always fascinating to see what you do on the other side of the planet and I admire you so much. Like, you TRULY have big brain. How do you remember so much??? Like all these conditions and facts and like WOAH I just feel like a plankton next to you💀💀💀💀 ily SO MUCH

@goldafterglow : iris babe omg okay first of all you're the prettiest bitch I've ever seen, such a nice presence overall, you have GALAXY BRAIN, your writing style is so smooth and full of descriptions that are so amazing to read, like its. Amazing. You have unfortunately witnessed several times where I typed faster than my brain would proceed and I ended up saying the DUMBEST shit and you make fun of me because of it. Like bro I dont even mind bc any interaction with you is worth it🥺🥺🥺🥺

@chibi-liz05 : Liz oh my gosh I just love you so much. We don't talk as frequently anymore but you just have a place in my heart, you're incredibly supportive of everything and you're always there for me, no matter for what, offering thoughts and conversation about everything. You're such an absolute sweetheart and a sunshine person and I just adore your positive attitude and the way you talk, you're literally the sweetest. I love you very very much and consider this me giving you the biggest forehead kiss

@pisss-offf-ghostt : you're one of the first ones who read my fics when I first started out, and your continued support for everything I write is absolutely AMAZING. Like I enjoy every single one of our conversations and discussions, and I feel completely safe to hit you up for anything, no matter what. You're an incredibly kind and hardworking person and your heart is just so big, I cannot even comprehend it. It's amazing how much you care, how you interact with people on here, and I care for you SO MUCH. Love you🥺❤❤

@maybege : you're literally the KINDEST PERSON around?? And we are weirdly connected through cosmic forces whenever it has something to do about Lebkuchenherzen lmao, its uncanny. We have started out in fics in such a similar way it still makes me chuckle, like we experienced the same amount of cringe lmaooo, and now you're just here, blessing us every day with your amazing content, being the most organised person I know, and just an absolute SWEETHEART. everytime we write I have such a big smile on my face, and you BET we would have found each other irl if it wasnt for Corona🤡🤡

@kiwi-the-first : oh kiwi you're such a nice and thoughtful person, whenever I feel down youre the first one to send asks and nice messages and cute photos to make me smile and that is absolutely adorable of you🥺🥺 you're such a vocal and passionate character and its absolutely amazing to see you in action, how you go all caps screaming in the dms. You have a special part in my heart and its just so nice to be able to talk to you

@corvueros : MEG we are literally sharing one (1) brain cell and they are oscillating between "horny", "yelling at each other in all caps" and "oh my god that's such a good idea" 💀💀💀 whenever we talk I have the biggest smile on my face and I absolutely ADORE you, you're the absolute best. Such a sweet and thoughtful and excited person who can spew the filthiest thots in a manner of 0.1 seconds. You're such a bright person and I could not imagine not being able to talk to you bc you're so supportive and just the literal BEST, I LOVE YOU BITCH, I AM NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH

@blacksquadron-rougetwo : okay Hailee you have absolutely excellent vibes. Like you're always so bright and sunshiny and just so damn fucking gorgeous I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. Filthy and tender at the same time, the QUEEN of soft horny fics like woah, and the way you talk is just so wonderful to witness. Your reaction pics are always on point and no matter what the topic is our convos always end up in all caps screaming at each other how unfairly hot the character of the week is lmao. You're such a sweet being and I am grateful for you!!

@over300books : holy shit Estela I have not known you well for a long time but you're such an incredibly supportive person with the funniest of commentary, everything you write makes me smile, ESPECIALLY all those comments in the docs!! I completely trust you with all the writings I manage to finish and everytime you help me with it you make me see my work with new eyes. You're just so damn amazing and sweet and super cheery I just love you so much. I am so grateful that we are friends and I am SO PROUD of you for finishing your degree!! Like girl WHOOOO!!!

@anxiety-riddled-mando : listen not only are you an absolutely fantastic writer, you're such an amazing person and someone who just screams "safe" at me. Like I completely trust you with my thoughts and even if we are not talking directly very often (our communication is more reblogging and telling each other in the tags how much we love them lmao) I just absolutely adore you and I just am so incredibly thankful that we stumbled across each other!!! You're such a bright presence on tumblr and every single one of your works is so incredibly amazing!!

Aaaand that's a wrap!! Thank you so much for making my year brighter, I love every single one of you so so so so so much. Happy new years!!

Love, Rea

#new years wrap up #oloreaa talks #i love u very very much #��❤❤❤❤

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claudiasjeancregg · 4 years ago

Note

also, 48 for joshdonna? for the intimacy prompts? <3

48. offering the other your coat

Josh Lyman/Donna Moss (2.1k words)

posted on ao3 here

engraved upon my heart (in letters deeply worn)

Donna can feel the bitter chill against her skin as she slips out of the house. She presses the phone to her ear, waiting for Josh to pick up.

She wouldn’t usually go outside to talk on the phone- it’s D.C. in February, and she’d rather not catch a cold for no reason. But Noah’s already asleep and Jo has a geometry test tomorrow, so she’s trying not to make too much noise. Not that they’re disturbed very easily- especially not Jo. Once she gets started with something, it’s almost impossible to pull her away from it. Donna and Noah call it “laser focus.” She gets it from Josh, though he claims to have perfected the whole “work life balance” thing. It doesn't surprise Donna in the least- the list of traits the two of them share is a mile long. And having such a good work ethic has always helped her, especially now that she’s in 8th grade.

Damn.

She feels old all of a sudden, wishing Josh would pick up so she has someone to complain to.

The repetitive ringing drones on in her ear for a long moment before he answers and it stops. Donna has to hide her smile at the noises coming from Josh’s end- he sounds out of breath, like he’s on a jog or something. But it’s 9 P.M., and he’s on the campaign trail, so it’s most definitely not that.

“Wait-”

Something, probably the phone, crashes to the ground. She can hear him cursing under his breath. After a moment, he picks it back up.

“Are the kids okay? Are you okay?”

“What?” She looks around for a place to sit, settling on the front porch step. She can hear him moving around, probably on the bus or in his office. She has no idea where they are today- maybe Maryland? California? She remembers Josh talking about touching base at home states, but she doesn’t have the energy to figure out what exactly he was saying.

“It’s late. You’re usually in bed by now, all cozied up with a book and a little fluffy robe.”

“A robe?” she teases.

“Well, you know,” he amends. “My sweatshirt and a pile of briefing memos.”

She shakes her head fondly before remembering he can’t see her.

“The kids are- I’m- we’re all fine. And it’s 9, Josh. I’m never in bed by now.”

“Okay.”

He pauses, and all of the movement on his end stops too.

“Hi,” he says.

She can hear his smile, and can’t help but smile back. “Hey.”

Donna huffs out a laugh at the absurdity of it all- they’re married, for God’s sakes, but he can still make her smile like an idiot for no reason. It still shakes her to her core, everytime they say “I love you” or they talk about the kids.

This is her life. Their life. They’ve built a life together, a far cry from the too-long glances and energetic banter of the White House days. They’re calmer, now- older and wiser and steady. But she loves him just as much as she ever has.

He used to be a whirlwind of motion that she couldn’t help but get sucked into, constantly talking and working and creating and never standing still. But somewhere along the line, between the hushed conversations in hospital rooms and the way his hand molded to the small of her back, he became her home. His love is the feeling in her chest when she watches him with the kids, the weight of a hand in hers whenever she has a nightmare about Gaza, the constant support when she talks about a new project she’s working on.

And he’s a jackass sometimes, obviously, but he never does anything to hurt her on purpose. And when he says something that makes her want to slap him, his eyes get wide and he frantically apologizes, begging her not to cry.

One of the things she’s learned since they first started dating is that her tears are his worst nightmare. She asked him why, once. “It feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest,” he said. She almost stopped breathing. He turned bright red as soon as he said it, but still. They’ve settled into this thing, this domestic life that she never imagined he would want. Or that she would, honestly.

“Donna? You there?”

She snaps back to the present- “Yeah. Sorry. How’s it going? You guys are in Maryland now, right?”

He updates her on how their polls have been looking since they got to the state and she listens intently.

“How are Andy’s approval ratings? You’re right to keep Toby behind the scenes- I bet he’s going crazy.”

Josh relays a story from earlier that day about Toby throwing a fit because Andy refuses to let him write for her. He can barely stop laughing long enough to tell her, but she doesn’t mind.

“I should call her,” she muses.

The two of them grew closer after Gaza- once Andy got over the guilt and the absurd worry that Donna blamed her for the accident, they became fast friends. She’d always admired Andy- the woman had made driving Toby out of his mind into an art form, not to mention how damn good she was at her job. And as soon as they had been tasked with finding possible VPs, Andy was Donna’s first call.

“Yeah, I think she’s a bit tired of all the testosterone here now that you’ve gone.”

He laughs, and Donna can feel the ache in her stomach. She wishes he was here, or that she was there- it’s nice to have a break from work for a while, but she’d grown used to the pace of the campaign trail. There’s so much to do all the time, and so much to learn. Donna knows how to run a campaign, of course, but re-election was nothing like this campaign. This is new, and fun and exciting- and extremely hard. Putting a young, up-and-coming candidate in office is a whole different ball game, and she has a front row seat. She still misses the frantic pace of the White House from time to time, but what she’s doing now is so much more fulfilling. She has the power to change the country- or to give them a President who could, at least.

It’s the kind of job Donna from twenty years ago didn't know existed, and the kind of job Donna from ten years ago wouldn't dream of.

She’s no longer an also-dead- she’ll get her own damn obituary. She’s gotten past all of the struggles and the self-doubt, and now she’s putting one of her best friends in the White House.

Sam Seaborn as President.

The victory is a long time away, she knows- both Toby and Josh would make her go outside, turn around, and spit if they knew she was thinking about it, but she can’t help it. President Sam Seaborn. It’s a bright, shining light at the end of the tunnel. That’s why she’s doing this- for Sam, for her friends, for her country. For anyone and everyone who deserves a President that cares about them- she’s working her hardest to make sure they get him. That’s what makes this all worth it.

That thought reminds her why she called in the first place- she waits for Josh to finish what he’s telling her about Andy’s speech today.

“Have the results come in yet?”

“No, and you know what I was thinking?”

“Josh, I’m not going to talk to the Flenders again.”

“Donna!”

She can picture him vividly- pacing around his office, the same pouting look on his face that he always gets when he whines.

“I’m not your assistant anymore, Josh. I’m your wife- and your co-campaign manager. Get someone else to do your illegal activities.”

She expects him to complain some more, but instead his voice grows soft.

“I can’t,” he says.

She lets out a breathy laugh, trying to hide her reaction at the tone of his voice.

“Josh, I’m serious. I have enough work to do.”

Her stomach is on a roller coaster ride as his voice fills her ear. She’s taken back to Inauguration Day, years ago- sitting on his lap as they both tried to keep the inevitable from happening. He had whispered in her ear the entire cab ride from her apartment, hands resting on her waist in a manner that wasn’t remotely professional. The way his touch had felt that night- and later, when they danced together- had filled her thoughts for weeks after.

“No, I mean-” he laughs sheepishly and she can picture exactly how he looks on the other side of the phone.

“No one’s here to ask. Or, I’m not there to ask them, I guess.”

Donna’s eyebrows knit together.

“What do you-”

“Turn around.”

He interrupts her, the big smile on his face easy to hear.

She does, still confused, and drops the phone. Josh is leaning against the porch column, exactly how she had pictured him. Donna stands there for a minute, dumbstruck. Then she races over to him, enveloping him in a hug.

God, she’s missed this- the way his body instantly reacts to hers, the way he can’t seem to hold her tight enough. She can’t believe he just showed up here. She pulls out from the hug and he groans, like a five year old who just got his toy taken away. She would know- that’s exactly what Noah looked like whenever that happened to him.

“Joshua!!”

His pout turns into a wide-eyed expression immediately.

“How are you mad at me for this?” Josh asks incredulously, ducking to avoid the punch on the arm he knows is coming his way.

“It’s the first day of the primaries! You shouldn’t be here, you should be having a panic attack in your office over the Hartsfield’s Landing results!”

He reaches his hands out for her waist.

“I wanted to have a panic attack here.”

She gives into his touch, wrapping herself in Josh’s arms like a blanket.

“Okay,” she smiles.

He does not. “Jesus, Donna, you’re freezing!”

He rubs his hands up and down her arms, like he thinks he can warm her entire body up himself. He probably does- knowing Josh, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. She places her hands on his like an anchor, calming him.

“I’m fine!”

The goosebumps on her arms betray her, though, and Josh barely hesitates before whipping off his coat and handing it to her.

“Thank you,” she whispers as he wraps it around her tightly. It still catches her by surprise, sometimes. He knows her, inside and out- like the map of her heart was given to him long ago, and he’s memorized in by now.. He can always see right through her lies or false reassurances, like no one else can. Somehow, he always knows what she needs- even when she’s too stubborn to ask.

He buries his head in the nape of her neck, his arms secure around her waist. She laughs at how affectionate he’s being- before they started dating, she would have never guessed how much he loves to touch her. Gently touching her knee on the bus, squeezing her hand as they walk, holding her in his arms every night- he always wants to know she’s there, that she’s still with him. It’s one of her favorite things about him.

Donna leans into his arms and takes a deep breath, savoring the cold air. She’s always loved this time of year. It always used to remind her of growing up, of playing in the snow with her older sister while their parents watched in the back. But now it reminds her of winter at the White House, too- of thoughtful gifts and failed vacations and Josh, and Josh, and Josh.

She had always been with him when it was coldest. Somehow, it felt right that he was standing next to her now.

Donna turns around, framing Josh’s face with her cold hands. She presses her lips to his for a moment. It’s been almost 15 years of moments like this, and she isn’t tired of it. She’s not tired of him, of kissing him and talking to him and waking up next to him every single morning. And she never would.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips. She walks to the front door, pulling his coat tighter around her.

“At least this time I didn't have to steal your coat,” she teases.

Josh rolls his eyes, but doesn’t move.

“You didn't steal it,” he says.

She stares at him. He rubs his head awkwardly.

“I, uh- I left it there on purpose. Your coat sucked.”

She can feel her eyes growing wet.

“Donna, please don't-”

“Joshua!!”

She dabs at her eyes, trying not to cry. It isn’t the nicest thing he has ever done for her, not even close. And it was almost twenty years ago, but still. She takes a deep breath and grabs his hand, pulling him inside.

“Come on. Hartsfield votes in a few minutes.”

As they walk towards the house, hand in hand, it starts to snow.

this took a million years and i’m so sorry. this turned into something WAY beyond what i meant it to be lol- but i’m OBSESSED with this universe. and you BET i have ideas for all the other characters.

so basically- sam is running for president, josh and donna are co-campaign managers bc one of them works in DC and stays with the kids, and then the other one comes back from the campaign trail and they switch off. this takes place on the first night of the primaries- so it’s like “hartsfield’s landing” but 18-ish years later.

andy wyatt is the VP candidate!! is this extremely random? yes! but i love her to pieces SO.

what else... cj and toby both work with them on this campaign. there may or may not be some cj/toby in this- or some ot3, i need advice!!!

oh and before josh decided to run sam’s campaign, he was retired and was living the good life as a stay at home dad. jo and noah (YES FOR JOANIE AND JOSH’S DAD, LET ME HAVE MY ANGST) are 13 and 10, respectively. donna was working somewhere very important- i think she was working as a senator’s COS, then she moved to a policy center that focuses on women’s rights and outreach in foreign countries.

title from “fair” by the amazing devil: this song is everything good in the universe and i’m obsessed with it. PLEASE everyone- go listen to it and come back and TELL ME it doesn’t give you soft josh/donna feelings. and just... feelings in general.

ANYWAY hope you enjoyed!!! i’m kind of incapable of writing good fluff but i really really really hope this was a good choice for this prompt- it felt fitting with the reunion and all :DDD

thank you for the prompt!!

#aleena answers #writing tag #my fic #tww fic #tww #the west wing #donna x josh #josh x donna #tww post-canon

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jisungsmochi · 5 years ago

Text

the froyo girl - zcl

chenle x frozen yogurt shop worker!reader <333 / lots of fluff and pining hehe / wingman!jisung (had to do it to ‘em)

this should be fun!! read more for this series here

word count: 3.3k

summary: working at the frozen yogurt shop at the local mall was fun for the most part. except for when this particular group of boys enter the store almost every evening, and make a ruckus. for the most part, they don’t completely drive you crazy but the one boy with the loud laughter and the jet black hair with hints of dark blue, had you swooning.

“yeah so i told renjun that i didn’t want to study together on friday and he was kind of upset so- y/n? are you listening?” your friend, jiwon snapped her fingers in your face. you shook your head to rid of your dozed off state, looking at the girl in front of you. you were currently standing behind the counter at the frozen yogurt shop you worked at. it was a fairly small establishment, only a few tables set up inside and outside and usually two employees working a shift at a time. unfortunately, you were the only one called in for work, as your coworker was currently on vacation. you didn’t mind though, the shop never got too out of hand, after all, it was mainly a self-serve type of business.

you were speaking to jiwon who had started dating her coworker, renjun, from the diner. you knew all the gritty details of their mini rivalry, in which you always lectured her to be nicer to him.

“sorry, i just feel really drowsy today” you sigh, looking down at the variety of treats in front of you.

“are you feeling sick or something? you shouldn’t have forced yourself to work!” jiwon began to worry, ready to hop over the counter to take you home.

“no no, it’s not like that. i didn’t get much sleep last night because of those group of guys who always come in later in the evenings” you yawn, confirming the fact you were completely exhausted. you had allowed the group to stay in store after hours. you knew that you should have flashed some sort of authority onto them, but everytime you saw him, you got nervous.

“y/n! you can’t let them push you around like that, you have to stand your ground” jiwon tried to hype you up, only earning a small nod in return.

“i know i know, it’s just everytime i see h-“ you immediately stop yourself, knowing how she was going to react. jiwon smirked at you, wiggling her eyebrows. you held your face in your hands and groaned.

“you have a crush on that dude that laughs really loud! the one that sounds like a dolphin” she chuckles, causing you to blush in response. you had heard his friends chant his name a few times, chenle. you always found your eyes drifting towards him. how he dramatically swung his head back while laughing at something his friends said, how he always managed to overflow his cup with oreo crumbs, and especially how he always gave you a smile before he left. you knew it didn’t mean much, but you couldn’t help but feel warm inside everytime he did so.

chenle and his group started hanging at the shop around two months ago. you vividly remember the first time you interacted with him.

he walked in with his best friend, who you knew was jisung, the boy who worked at your local convenience store. you weren’t paying attention to them at first, your main task being fixing the oreo froyo machine. it had suddenly stopped working a few minutes before, and your coworker was currently on the phone with the manager about the situation. chenle stood behind you, instantly frowning at situation. you felt some figures near you, eyes widening at the boys who returned the look. you gave them a small smile,

“sorry guys, the machine is broken, we’ll have it back up and running soon. but you can try the red velvet flavour, it’s new and a personal favourite” you kindly explained, wiping your hands on your apron.

“oh okay, thankyou! goodluck with fixing the machine though” chenle smiles softly, moving to grab the red velvet flavour. you couldn’t help but overhear the conversation,

“but dude, oreo is your favourite flavour” jisung mutters,

“it can change” he shrugged, instantly making you feel giddy. it was simple things like that, which made you infatuated with the boy. what could you say? you were a sucker for him from day one.

chenle and his friends were once again, hanging inside the shop. your coworker bid you a farewell before reminding you to lock up. you nodded at her, wishing her a good night before wiping down the rest of the counter top. you could hear chenle’s laughter echo throughout the whole shop, it never failed to make you giggle to yourself. you didn’t notice, like every other time chenle was staring at you. he watched as you blew bits of your hair from your face. he watched as you huffed after finished wiping the counter top, and threw the wet towel into the bucket. he watched as you cheered to yourself for landing the shot, which made him smile even more. jisung noticed, nudging his friend’s shoulder,

“stop staring and go talk to her” he tried to encourage the dark haired boy.

“you know i can’t, s-she looks busy” chenle tried to excuse, now both boys’ eyes were directed at you. you were leaning against the counter, eyes fixed on your phone, waiting for the boys to finish up.

“she sure looks busy” jisung smirked, deciding it was time for him to meddle a bit. chenle watched as the younger boy waltzed up to you. his other friends were equally as shocked, but brushed it off, going back to their conversations. chenle tried to make out the words being exchanged between you and jisung,

“hey there” you look up, eyes meeting those of the tall boy.

“oh hi, may i help you?” you shove your phone in your pocket, giving your attention to him.

“are you busy after your shift ends?” he suddenly asks as your eyes widen. you weren’t sure what his intentions were, your eyes subconsciously flicking to chenle who was glaring at jisung.

“i-i’m sorry, are you asking me out?” you furrowed your eyebrows, trying to read the situation.

“only if you want me to” jisung chuckled. you stayed silent, eyes still flicking over to chenle. the dark haired boy was listening the entire time, hoping you’d reject his friend.

“i’m flattered but i-i uh like someone at the moment. it would be kinda weird to go out with someone else, right?” you nervously answered, not wanting to let down the boy in front of you.

“ahh i see, no hard feelings there, have a nice night, y/n” jisung smiles softly, walking back to his friends. you stood in place for a solid minute, what the hell just happened? why on earth did you confess to jisung that you liked someone? god, what if chenle heard it all?

when jisung sat back down, chenle slapped his arm harshly,

“what the hell was that?” chenle confronted his friend,

“relax, i just wanted to see if she had feelings for someone. it could be you, you know” jisung shrugs as he shoved another spoonful of froyo into his mouth.

“but what if it’s not me? and it’s like some cooler dude from her school” chenle sighs in defeat, accepting that he didn’t have a chance with you.

“god you really don’t see it, do you? she kept looking at you when i was talking to her. it must mean something. now grow some balls and talk to the girl, she’s not gonna bite!” jisung exclaims, waving his arms dramatically. chenle chuckles at his actions, jisung’s words floating at the back of his head.

maybe he needed that extra push.

it was your day off, yet you still found yourself at the mall, third-wheeling with jiwon and renjun. you trailed behind them, sipping on an overpriced smoothie. jiwon turned back at you, ushering you to stand in between her and renjun. you and renjun had gotten closer since he started dating jiwon, so it was common for both of them to give you advice on random things. they looked their arms with yours, as the three of you walked in unison.

“so y/n, jiwon told me you have a crush o-“ you cut off renjun with a cold glare, making him freeze.

“jiwon! why did you tell him?” you whines to your friend as she gave you pleading eyes.

“i’m sorry! i tell him everything, it just slipped up, i swear” jiwon sighed. you ended up shaking your head, accepting the whole situation.

“it’s okay, and yeah i do have a crush. his name is chenle. he and his friends come to the shop a lot. and weirdly enough, one of his friends kinda asked me out?” you explained to the couple as they listened intensively.

“what?! you got asked out on a date?!” jiwon’s jaw dropped as the three of you ended up in the food court, now seated at a table.

“not really, i could tell he wasn’t being serious. jisung is a joker kind of guy” you shrugged, thoughts leading back to that moment.

“what did you say to him?” renjun questioned as you snapped back to reality.

“uh well i just told him i liked someone else” you shyly let out, causing the couple to smile at eachother before landing their eyes on you.

“i see what’s going on here, it’s a classic wingman move” renjun begins, capturing your attention. “jisung must have asked you out, as a way to figure out if you were taken or single. and since you don’t believe he was interested in you, who’s to say he wasn’t asking on behalf of someone else?” renjun smirks at you, causing you to reanalyse everything that went down that night.

“i mean, that kind of makes sense? boys will always be confusing” jiwon chimes in, rolling her eyes at renjun.

“so you think that, maybe he asked on behalf of chenle?” you whispered his name, too shy to say it aloud. renjun nodded, giving you a pat on the back.

“well what should i do then?” you question, eager for more advice.

“i think it’s best you wait it out. he may think that the person you like, isn’t him. in that case, you should probably try and make conversation with him, it’s a good start” renjun continues to encourage you, jiwon now giving him heart eyes. you smiled softly at how infatuated they were with eachother. you were surprised at how clever renjun was with his advice, so you all ended up planning how you would inevitably talk to chenle.

it was a thursday night, the one day of the week where the mall was open until the late hours of the night. jiwon and renjun visited you, going over your initial plan to speak with chenle.

“what time do they usually come in?” renjun asks, taking a scoop of frozen yogurt into his mouth.

“around 9? they end up staying until closing time anyway” you confirm, wiping down the edges of the counter.

“so what’s the plan?” jiwon asks you, making sure you memorised everything.

“when he comes to pay for his frozen yogurt, i will start a conversation with him, and then eventually get his number” you nod along with your words, not noticing how the couple was looking at you with concern.

“okay but can you actually talk to him?” renjun teased, causing you to snap your head to face him.

“yes i can! i’m very good at talking to people, it’s part of my job duh” you roll your eyes playfully at the boy.

“i’m just making sure okay! we should start heading home though, we have a movie date planned” renjun pulled jiwon to his side, running his hand softly against her arm. you smiled at how adorable they were,

“have fun you two, but not too much fun” you gave them a stern glare as they walked out of the store, hand in hand.

the clock struck 9, and as if on cue, the group of boys entered the store. you noticed that there was someone missing, only counting four heads instead of the usual five. your eyes met jisung’s as he gave you a small wave, in which you returned. you frowned when you didn’t see his other half standing with him. chenle didn’t come with them today. your heart sunk, your plans all going to waste. you sighed to yourself before serving the rest of the boys. jisung approached you slowly, noticing that you looked rather down today.

“hey, are you okay?” the tall boy asked, full of concern. you nodded softly, unsure of how to respond,

“y-yeah i’m good, your total is $4.80” you tried to crack a smile. jisung couldn’t help but give you a solemn look. before you took his money, you decided to question him,

“i hope this doesn’t sound weird but where is your friend? the one with the loud laugh” you smiled at the last part, taking the money from jisung.

you didn’t see it at first, but jisung’s face lit up at the mention of his best friend.

“oh you mean chenle? he’s studying for this huge exam tomorrow, and decided to ditch us” jisung smirked at you, slowly connecting the dots.

“a-ah okay, that’s too bad then” you shrugged, handing him his change.

“yeah it is too bad” jisung walked away from the counter, immediately grabbing his phone,

big head 1: CHENLE, GET UR ASS TO THE MALL RIGHT NOW

big head 2: JISUNG, SHUT UP IM TRYING TO STUDY

big head 1: Y/N ASKED ME WHERE YOU WERE, DUDE SHES INTO YOU

big head 2: don’t prank me bro, i’m not in the mood

big head 1: i’m not lying, i promise! she really did ask for you, she seemed kinda down actually

big head 2: wait what?! dude chemistry can wait! i’m on my way

chenle dropped everything on his desk. he grabbed a random denim jacket from the end of his bed and rushed out of his house. he hopped into his car, speeding off to the mall. you observed the group of boys while waiting for your shift to end. your eyes were glued to the seat that was reserved for chenle. you sighed to yourself, knowing that it wasn’t going to work out anyway. you had pretty much lost all confidence in talking to chenle, accepting the fact that maybe you just had your hopes set too high. you wanted to text jiwon about everything but you also didn’t want to interrupt her date with renjun. so you started cleaning the machines, prepping them for the next day. you heard the chatter of the boys slowly die down, knowing they were ready to leave soon. you heard the shuffling of chairs, followed by a chorus of ‘thank you’s as you turned and gave the boys a small wave, your eyes once again landing on jisung who had a smug look on his face as he left. you shook your head at the thought, before starting to pack up the chairs. you were just about ready to switch off the lights and close up when a puffed out chenle startled you. he pushed open the door of the shop, causing you to jump back in surprise. you let out a small yelp, followed by nervous laughter.

“u-uh may i help you?” you managed to let out, watching as chenle caught his breath. you pulled out a chair for him to sit on, furrowing your eyebrows at the sight in front of you.

“d-do you have any water?” he managed to huff out, as you rushed to the small freezer of beverages, handing him a water bottle.

chenle chugged down a solid half of the water before looking over at you. you were now seated across from him, your hands in your lap, waiting for him to start a conversation.

“i uh, i’m sorry for barging in, especially when you’re about to close” he starts, you shake your head before saying

“it’s alright, i don’t mind” chenle smiles at your words, heart beating faster than normal.

“i just wanted to uh, see if you wanted to-“ he stops himself, trying to gain more courage to finish,

“what is it, chenle?” you gave him a reassuring smile as he copied your expression.

“you know my name?” he gasped in awe as you let out a small giggle.

“of course i do, with the amount of times you have paid with your card, it’s hard not to glance at your name” you smile as he buries his head in his hands, too shy to face you.

“and also, your group of friends aren’t the quietest bunch, so i took notice of you” you widened your eyes at your words, shocked that you would blurt something out like that. chenle found it adorable, softly blushing at how you admitted you noticed him.

“i’m sorry about that” he sighs before continuing, “i think you’re really pretty and i wanted to ask you to hang out, just the two of us” he avoided your eyes, keeping them fixed on your hands placed in your lap. you were stunned by his words. the boy you had been silently admiring for weeks had just asked you out on a date. you didn’t know how to respond, causing chenle to look up at your shocked expression. he cracked a small smile, which calmed your nerves,

“i would really like that” you nodded eagerly as chenle took your hands in his.

“i was hoping you’d say that” he mumbled, as the two of you talked for the next hour. as it was getting late, you locked up the shop and accepted chenle’s offer to drop you off at home. it was so easy to talk to chenle, you facepalmed yourself for not doing it sooner. he was so witty and charming, he always had something interesting to say, you never got bored.

“don’t you have an exam to study for?” you questioned the dark haired boy as he pulled up to your house.

“eh it’s no big deal, i had more important things to tend to” you blushed at his words, instantly feeling yourself fall for him.

“i’ll see you soon, chenle” you smiled widely at him before getting out of the car. he waited for you to enter your house before leaving your driveway. as soon as he got home, he called jisung to update him on everything.

“you actually got the girl” jisung gasped,

“i guess i did” chenle spoke, still in shock. jisung chuckled from the other end,

“not without my help though” chenle rolled his eyes at his best friend,

“thank you man, i owe you one”

“like owe me a meal? or like a new phone?” jisung teased,

“neither now go to bed” chenle hung up, tapping through his contacts, eventually reaching yours. he smiled softly, typing a quick message,

“goodnight y/n! have sweet dreams, let’s talk soon!”

you completely gushed when you received the message, rolling over in your bed in glee. it was an indescribable feeling. you were overwhelmed with happiness. after weeks of pining over chenle, it was unknown to you that he felt the exact same. you had renjun and jiwon to thank, as well as jisung. the fact of the matter is, you lucked out on one of the sweetest most fun loving guys in the world, and you couldn’t be happier.

#zhong chenle #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct fluff #chenle imagine #nct writing #nct fic #nct serie #nct chenle imagine #nct dream #jisungsmochiimagines #jisungsmochi masterlist

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dreamonminecraft · 4 years ago

Note

oh yes, tell me more about this beautiful lesbian slowburn. I’m a sucker for a good love story

Okay so to start off, My sexuality fluctuates greatly throughout this story, but as of now I identify as a Bisexual lithsexual lesbian, which means that I am attracted to lots of people but lose attraction when the feelings are reciprocated, and I'll only date girls.

The story starts off August of 2018. I was starting 6th grade (middle school) and didn't really have any friends aside from a few people that I had last talked to in 3rd grade.

It's important to know that I'm a GT kid and so I almost always have the same group of about 20 kids. This started when I changed to an all GT class for 4th grade.

While it's nice to have a comfortable learning environment, it also means that there's no escape from any drama, and you get to pick friends from the very small pool of kids that you'll spend the rest of your education with.

This is a pretty long story as well and I'm not sure I'll be able to accurately retell many of the things because dates get mixed up and stuff. Anyway, I'm gonna try my best to explain but these are really only the things from my point of view and I don't remember a lot of the things. (This is also gonna be written like a fanfic because that's all I know how to write, I apologise)

So start of sixth grade, I don't really have any friends, I'm kind of this awkward nerd, there's 2 people in my class (we switch classes like normal middle school, but I'm with the GT kids for most of the day so that's what I'll refer to them as) that I've known for years, a few I've met before, but mostly new people.

I sit by some old friends from volleyball at lunch for the first few days but begin to feel unwelcome. One day I decide to sit by these two people that I know are in GT but haven't talked to before. I don't say anything, but I sit and they don't mind.

The next day we get new seats in English. I'm behind a boy named Owen, Inara, who is one of the girls I sat with at lunch, is to my right, and in front of her is a girl named Emilyse.

Inara and I hit it off immediately.

It's kind of crazy because we're both crazy anxious introverts, but we gel nicely. I'm a boyband-obsessed 11 year old and she's a mature and mysterious 11 year old.

She's a lefty. I'm a righty. The way we've been placed makes us bump arms everytime we try to write anything.

We have every class together. Somehow, we sit next to each other in every class as well, even in the ones where we didn't pick our seating chart.

It's September. I cry over boybands. She watches curiously.

For the next couple of months we casually talk. She spends every lunch period in the library. We text occasionally.

I have another friend who takes priority. His name is Logan. We got introduced by his friend Lennox when she asked for my phone number to give to him.

Lennox and I don't talk. Logan and I text nonstop for months. We discuss possibly dating in the future. I identify as bisexual and biromantic at this point.

I've been in this position before. Having mainly guy friends growing up puts me in a lot of awkward friendship/relationship situations. They always end the same.

I have an issue with dating in middle school. You're not dating if you don't go on dates, hold hands, kiss, or cuddle. But you can feel like you are.

In December Logan starts being mean. We start a game where we step on each other's shoes at lunch or in the hallway. It's fun.

Eventually, he recruits his friends to do it to me, too. It's a joke a first, but eventually there are 10 middle school boys chasing me and trying to hurt me.

I get kicked in the hallway and fall. Someone steps on my arm and people laugh. Logan watches. I tell Inara and she steps on his shoe for me.

Logan and I stop talking. Inara and I hang out more. By early January, Inara has stopped going to the library at lunch. We hang out with Emilyse in the field instead.

I text Logan one day in mid January and ask why we fell out. He says that I told someone that I was going to punch him in the face.

The person he said I told, only talked to me at the bus stop, and he didn't ride my bus. I had never said it in the first place, but his logic made it even more frustrating.

I tell him I got scared because I had a crush on him and didn't want to make things weird. It was a lie.

In February I came out to someone for the first time. They asked if I was bi and I said yes.

By March I had accepted that coming out didn't really make a difference. Inara and I hung out at school but not really anywhere else.

My birthday's in April. I invite her, Emilyse, and Rebekah. We paint rocks and draw on a table cloth. Emilyse feels distant.

Emilyse is homophobic. We find out in English one day. I don't remember how. Inara and I look at each other. We know we're both queer but haven't come out to each other.

I ask Emilyse if she would hate someone in GT for coming out. She says yes. Inara and I stop talking to her.

By May I've become obsessed with Marvel. Inara's interested in it and I decide to be, too. We talk about the movies. It gets awkward. She's not as interested when I get in on it.

By June we're best friends. We hang out fairly regularly, have all our classes together, and text all the time. Logan is forgotten.

School lets out at the start of June. We keep texting regularly. We make plans to see the new spiderman movie in early July with one of our other friends.

I have a complicated relationship with said friend. They're non-binary, although I didn't know it yet, and I've known them since Kindergarten. Inara met them in an advisory this year. I get jealous easily.

The day of the movie I shop at Kohl's. I buy the two of us matching shirts. We meet at the movie theater and it's awkward. I pay for popcorn and sneak in snacks that we share. Our friend's dad is there, but Inara and I don't have parents present.

We sit next to each other during the movie. At a certain scene, I start to get anxious. My stomach hurts and I can't breathe, I start to get sweaty.

I get up and rush out of the theater. I get to the women's bathroom and sit down on the floor of the very last stall. I'm panicing, dry heaving into the toilet, and trying not to cry. I try to text my mom that I'm having a panic attack but don't have reception.

I go back into the theater room after a few minutes. I'm still anxious, but better. Our friend is highly concerned, Inara just glances at me worriedly.

It's my first panic attack, and it sucked.

We leave awkwardly after it ends, trying to avoid the obvious elephant in the room. My mom is concerned when she picks me up. We don't talk about it. My dad and brother are watching it illegally when I get home.

We don't see each other until August of 2019, but continue to text through the rest of the summer.

When 7th grade starts, I'm still into Marvel. I've seen all the movies at this point, but there haven't been any new ones (even now) since FFH. Inara's interested, but not fully.

In late August/Early September we take BuzzFeed quizzes for fun and text each other the results. I take one about soulmates. I get her initials. I send her the link. She gets mine.

We take more and they all point to us being soulmates. We propose by sending pictures of rings over text. The wedding date is set for September 28th, 2019.

The time comes. It's Saturday and my brother has a double football game. We've planned to pick her up and take her there. It's a Christian league, so the games are at a church.

We go to the garden. There's a small white bench in some rocks, surrounded by flowers. We joke that we've had our ceremony. We wander around for a while longer.

My dad suggests that we go to the taco bell across the parking lot. We do. When we're done, we walk back to my house. Its not far, but we're alone. I carry her halfway back.

When we get to my house we pick things from my garden. We're barefoot and I'm wearing overalls. I joke that we're gonna get a farm one day when we're older.

She picks things while I stand back and watch. The sun hits her dyed-red hair just right. I vividly remember smiling at thinking "holy fuck she's pretty" you would think I'd put together my crush by then.

October rolls around and she cancels plans to go trick-or-treating with me. I'm upset but understand.

We "work" on a school project at her house. We don't actually get anything done before cuddling up on her bed and falling asleep to black panther.

In November, it's Emilyse's birthday party. We've gotten distant but still talk occasionally. Inara and I both go to the party.

We're watching Spiderman Far From Home because that's what Emilyse wanted. I've seen in twice, Ianra has too.

We're given candy and popcorn and then curl up on the couch. Inara and I sit next to each other.

(I forgot to mention this but at some point she stayed the night at my house. She slept on the floor in her swimming suit even though I asked if she wanted to sleep on the bed. Swimming was fun though. We also go to an arcade. We mini-golf and play laser tag. We also danced in the rain together at some point that day.)

Once we're no more than 15 minutes into the movie, I'm cuddled into her chest. It's important to mention that at this point I'm 5'6 and she's no more than 5'0.

We cuddle the entire movie. We share candy and pretend no one else is there. It feels great.

We don't talk about that night for months. Nobody brings it up. I come out to Rebekah around this time, saying no more than that I like girls. I still haven't told Inara.

By December, I've brought her to church a few times. I don't enjoy going to church, but my parents always encouraged it.

(I'd like to say at this point as well that I have been raised Christian and identify with the faith despite the fact that I despise Church and disagree with many of the common teachings. If I ever had to choose for some reason, my sexuality matters more to me than my religion. Regardless, I respect your beliefs if they differ from mine :) )

Inara's birthday is in mid December. Her party consists of us making gay jokes with our enby friend despite not being technically out to each other.

My church youth group plans ice skating. I invite her and she accepts. I'm worried about it. It's essentially a date. Neither of our parents will be there.

We carpool with the youth leaders, who are actually pretty cute for a hetero couple. Inara and I share awkward glances the whole time.

When we get there I learn that Inara took ice skating lessons as a child. She's much more confident than I am, but pretends she doesn't know what she's doing. I skate about once or twice a season, but also rollerblade.

There's a wet, sloped, melty part of the rink. I get nervous and grab her hand. She holds it until we're out of the melted ice.

Every lap around I grab her hand at that point. Eventually, we just keep holding hands for an entire lap.

By the end of the night, we've both fallen a few times but held hands the whole time. We drop her off and I say goodnight.

That night, I rant about the adventure to one of my (ex)friends, who excitedly listens to my talk about holding hands with a girl.

There's a GT Christmas party at Hannah's. Inara and I carpool there. It's an all together boring party with the exception of a few interesting truth-or-dare questions.

(side note, remember Owen? Well he's one of Inara and I's best friends and we were actually close enough that the three of us were basically cuddling on the couch during part of the party. Also the whole class knows about Inara and I's wedding and calls us wives.)

Paislie asks me if I wanted to "marry" Inara before we got "married". I mumble an answer that nobody hears. I don't repeat it. When it's time to leave, Inara and I have our legs intertwined on the couch. We don't mention that, either. We drop her off and I say goodnight.

January is good. There's a night, the 4th I believe, that we really connect. We officially come out to each other for the first time on that night, and it gets really real, really fast.

She says she's pan, I say I'm bi but confused.

In mid January she texts me that she's crying because one of her favorite YouTubers finally hit a million. She cries for hours but never tells me who. I pay it no mind.

A few days later, she mentions a YouTube channel called Unus Annus and tells me that it's super interesting. I text back but don't look it up.

A few more days pass and I'm randomly on the trending page for YouTube, which I never do. I see a video trending called "Mark and Ethan go casket shopping". The thumbnail is interesting enough that I check what the channel is. I notice it's the one Inara told me about.

I watch the video and subscribe within 5 minutes. I text Inara quotes from that video, Ethan Finally Becomes a Man, and the Lie Detector test videos, until she responds and is surprised that I found the channel.

I obsess quickly and depend on her to know the new video at 1pm everyday. She gets annoyed and we drift apart slowly.

In February things get rocky. We fight often. If I win a small argument she doesn't talk to me for hours. She gets pissed at refuses to tell me what the Unus Annus video is called if I ask too many times.

At some point I get fed up and confront her. I don't remember what about, but we stop talking all together.

Friends pick sides. I'm left alone. We don't talk for a month. She tells me that she pushed me away because she thought I'd react badly to her telling me she loves me.

I confess my crush. She tells me she feels the same.

We finally make up at about 8:30 on a Sunday night in March. It's not fixed but we plan to talk. And 9:00, the school district announces that it's shutting down until least after spring break.

We stopped trying to communicate, but eventually, slowly we started talking again. We text a few times a day now, mostly about UA and anxiety, the best combo.

We haven't seen each other since. We're probably going back to school in person in about a month, but I'm not sure. Nobody is.

I've called her my girlfriend on here before, simply because I don't know what we are. I joked the other day about how the youth leaders would react if I said I was texting my girlfriend.

Here's how that went:

So we're just jokingly married for now! It's a confusing pile of garbage but we both came out as lesbians the other day so that's a new development.

I don't know if any of that makes sense but I'll answer any questions anybody has :)

#asks #elle has girlfriend issues #unus annus #crankgameplays #markiplier #yes the guy who hit a million was ethan #thank you kait #im sorry this is so long #lesbian #wlw post #wlw culture #LGBTQ

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kl4us4 · 5 years ago

Text

All I’ll ever need (Ben Hargreeves x Reader)

Request: Hello there! Can I ask for a Ben x reader where the reader is a fellow spirit who sometimes shows up to hang around with him and Klaus? They only ‘visit’ once in a while and they’re overall chill and lazy but everytime Ben sees them he’s reminded of his crush on them (esp after basically growing up and seeing them grow older with him)? Vv sorry if this is too specific, have a nice day!!

tua masterlist

general masterlist

You remember when you first stumbled into the Umbrella Academy and were greeted by two boys in particular...

“Woah...” A young Klaus announces, eyeing you in confusion, “Who are you?” Turning around to the door, you wondered if he was talking to you. “Yeah. You!” He shouted. Klaus received silent looks of judgment from his passing siblings, who wasted no time indulging Klaus’ tricks and jokes.

“H-How can you see me?” You muttered, walking up to the boy. You kept looking into his eyes, wondering if it were really you that he was addressing. “Are you dead too?” You tried to place a hand on his shoulder but you were unable to, your hand went through him and you quickly pulled away.

“No, but I am.”

Another boy walked towards you and Klaus, looked you up and down and then gave you a smile. Ben felt his heart explode with joy. Is there finally someone else he can talk to? Sure, he loves his brother but...

“Who are you?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed.

“You’re in our house,” Klaus frowns, folding his arms as he watches you and Ben stare at one another with pinkish cheeks, “Who are you?”

“My names Y/N.” You look down, awkwardly fumbling with your hands. Klaus and Ben share a look and they both know they feel bad for you. You seem to be so alone yet so young; just like them.

“I’m Klaus.” He smiles at you, missing a few teeth, “I’d shake your hand but... you’re dead.”

You laugh, appreciating how he tries to make you feel better. Then the other boy speaks. “And I’m Ben,” he smiles bashfully at you, not holding your gaze for too long, “I’d shake your hand but... I’m dead.”

All three of you laughed together, and that was the beginning of a good, long friendship. And suddenly, no one in the room felt alone. All three of you grew up together - some more than most. You would drop by once every two weeks when you weren’t looking after your family who seemed to go about their everyday lives perfectly fine without you.

One thing remained the same though, you were both devoted to taking care of Klaus. That boy gets into so much trouble. Now that you’re all older, nothings changed. You and Ben like to joke that you’re his guardian angels.

“Christ!” Klaus shouts when he sees you laying on the couch, “on a cracker!”

“Good to see you too.” You smile, resting your hands behind your head as you look at him, “Where’s Benny Boy?”

Appearing beside you, Ben gives you a smile. “Y/N, as beautiful as ever.”

“As dead as ever too.” You joke, turning to look at Klaus who sighs and sits down. Ben follows your gaze, but not before letting his eyes settle on you to admire you. He wasn’t kidding when he said you’re beautiful. Ben always thought you were beautiful. There may not be a day where he doesn’t.

Deep down, you had an attraction to him. However, you knew it would never work. How would you be able to be with someone you can’t even hold hands with? You’re both dead, it’s not exactly practical.

Though you loved him and wanted the best for him, you didn’t let yourself go there. Feeling Bens gaze lingering on you, you turn to him. “How have things been around here?”

Ben sighs, sitting beside you and trying to ignore his heart speeding up. “A lot has happened...”

“Understatement,” Klaus interjects, crossing his arms, “Old Sir Reginald Hargreeves has kicked the bucket!”

“What?” Your mouth is agape. Ben looks down.

“Oh, and,” Klaus continues, leaning his elbows on his knees to lean towards you and his brother, “Five is back.”

“What?” You repeat, your eyes are wide. You remember him so vividly... before, well before he disappeared into thin air. “Where has he been this whole time?”

Ben speaks up, “More like when has he been.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, glancing to Klaus then Ben. You want to place your hand on his but you’re not sure if it’d exactly work... Maybe you’re even more afraid if it did work. “I’m... sorry for your loss.” You admit.

Klaus lets out a cynical laugh, his eyes are red but it’s not from crying. “What loss? It’s been amazing.”

“You know,” Ben begins, his voice in a hushed whisper as Klaus lights a cigarette, “I’m surprised he can even see us.”

“What’d he do this time?” You let out a sigh of your own, looking into his brown eyes.

“What didn’t I do?!” Klaus smiles, closing his eyes and resting his head back onto the old couch.

Leaning closer to you, Ben responds. “Stole some of dads stuff, sold it, now he’s probably going to pass out. The usual.”

You hold back a sigh, giving Ben a sympathetic look. “And you? How are you doing with all this?”

Ben shrugs slightly, stiffening up a little at the question but enjoying being close to you. “He didn’t care when I died,” he admits casually, “Why should I care?”

It breaks your heart a little, you give him a small smile. “Fair enough.”

“What?” He narrows his eyes at you.

“Nothing.”

“I know you, Y/N, what do you really want to say?” Ben gives you a knowing smirk.

You shrug, looking up at the significantly taller man. “I just don’t believe that you don’t care that he’s dead... I mean, it’s just - no closer, no apology, nothing.”

Thinking it over, Ben tilts his head. “Yeah,” he replies, “but if he cared about me, he would’ve given that to me long ago.”

“Yeah,” you nod, “You’re right, Ben.”

He smiles, bringing the mood back. “Love that you care for me though.”

A smile spreads on your lips when you turn to look at him, “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Too late.” Ben hums, his eyes glancing to your lips as the cheeky grin slowly falls from his lips, “Y/N,” he begins. When you don’t reply, he continues, “It’s not just me, right?” He pauses, struggling, “There’s always been something here.”

You’re left silent. It was always something you thought would go unspoken about forever. “I...” You stutter, never doing this before, “Yeah, Ben. It’s... it’s not just you-”

“Thank god.” He chuckles, his eyes widening comically but when you continue, his face falls.

“But, it’s not something that can ever happen.”

A pause. Ben speaks lightly, slowly. “What?”

You turn your body to face him, your eyes sad, “Ben, how can we possibly be together?”

“We‘re together right now.” He laughs awkwardly, not wanting this to be real. He wishes he kept his mouth shut like he always does. Reaching for you, you move away from him, standing and pacing the couch where Klaus sleeps heavily.

“Did you ever think about getting married when you were a kid?” You ask him, seeing him shake his head, “My best friend and I used to imagine our wedding days, picking out dresses, songs. I was convinced I was going to marry Joe Jonas.” You smile sadly at the memories, “And all of that went away when I died. We can never get married, Ben. Have you thought about that? We‘ll never buy a house together, we‘ll never have children to call our own, we‘ll never-”

“I know.” He stands to walk to you, “I know that. There's no way we‘d ever live a normal life, and I hate that you don’t get to. I hate it. But even though all those things are unattainable... I’d rather have you than have nothing at all. And I don’t need to be alive to know that I love you, Y/N. I always have.”

“Ben, can we even touch each other?” You furrow your eyebrows, looking at him. “Can you even hold me?”

“Let me try.” Blinking, he pauses before slowly stretching a hand out towards your cheek. You wait with bated breath, heart pounding in your chest. His hand shakes slightly, praying to God that this works. Please. Please, it’s all he wants.

Ben’s hand grazes your cheek and he pulls back as if being burned. All you do is shut your eyes, not having the feeling of being touched in so long... since you were a living child. His hand is on yours again, cupping your cheek as he steps closer to you. “Y-Y/N...” He whispers, not knowing the feeling after so long just like you, “Look at me.”

You place your hand on his cheeks too, breaking out into a smile. Nothing can explain how happy you are right now. “We can do this, it’s you and me. We may not have a house or kids or a pet dog but we have each other. And if you say yes, then that’s all I’ll ever need.”

Moving close to him, you both share your very first kiss with one another. “Yes.”

taglist: @blathena @exquisitex113 @scorpionxlove@imaginexmeintheuniverse @multifandom-ramblings @mega-trash-cringe @the-one-and-only-celine @thehanwen @honeyydippaa

#ben hargreeves #Umbrella Academy #The Umbrella Academy #ben hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves imagine #ben hargreeves x reader oneshots #the umbrella academy klaus #umbrella academy ben

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parkeraul · 6 years ago

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the sweetest hello, the saddest goodbye | part 2

a/n: tshtsg is back by popular demand because some people wanted a closure and who am i to deny it? i wasn’t expecting so many feedbacks (specially on angst, i really suck at writing angst and this was so??? surprising???) & i’m so grateful for it all, it warms my heart so much. anyways, grab some tissues (extra tissues because i intend to earn more than tears from your eyes only, if u know what i mean) because this is gonna be a rollercoaster and let me know if you like it. by the way, wrap it before u tap it (yea bish u know what i’m talking ‘bout) — do what auntie ann says, not what auntie ann writes.

warnings: angst, drinking, swearing & smut. words: 8k [worth the wait i guess] recommendations: read part 1 to understand better.

Empty. This is how he was feeling. Up at the stage singing to a huge amount of people; alone at home with his thoughts messily written all over the papers — taking over every single hour of his day; among his crew on the backstage; regardless of the situation, he felt unfilled like everything he’s seeing is slowly turning black and white and dull. He noticed that this aching feeling was suffocating him in all the possible ways when he started letting everything pass by. He’s forgotten lyrics during the shows countless times, he’s forgotten to reply the messages popping up on his phone all the time, he’s forgotten even to eat properly sometimes. He’s forgotten himself somewhere lost but, worse than that, he’s forgotten about her.

But moving on is definitely not the place where he’s at right now.

He’s forgotten the little details, the ones that are printed on every page of his notebook so he can at least read about it and try to recover any memory, although all of this wasn’t as nearly as satisfying than remembering about those details vividly. Shawn came to the point where just having a slight piece of reminiscence would ease his stinging soul — the way her perfume and the scent of her hair mixed greatly together and used to get stuck on his clothes from the million times they used to hug and stay in there for a while, body—to—body as they appreciated the moment to keep quiet for a while, just enjoying the feeling of having their frames pressed against each other with a couple of caresses coming across his muscular back or a gentle head-rub right above the nape of her neck. The taste on her lips, incomparable and so captivating that he could keep his mouth on her for an eternity and write innumerable songs about it — every now and then he just rests his head against the closest surface and closes his eyes, searching for one of the times he had her splayed on his bed all to him, waiting for his red lips to love her body in that tempting way that only Shawn can because he takes his time to cover every inch with his mouth and hands over and over again until he earns desperation from her, an unstoppable desire to unravel underneath his body at the point she can’t control her shaking limbs. Her smile, her eyes, her sweet laugh and calming voice were all gone, replaced by the image of the tears streaming down her face when she last looked at him to walk away without promising to come back before he went insane. Insane might be right word to describe the state of his mind, he swears he’s nearly going crazy because it seems like it doesn’t matter what he tries to do, nothing’s going to complete him so perfectly like she does. Nothing.

The pub is loud and filled to the rafters, the strong beat of the music reverberating through the walls and the floor underneath his body that doesn’t sync with the rhythm. Everything’s slower, everything’s cloudy and meaningless but something made him think that a glass or two of whiskey would probably get him into it, consequently avoiding the annoying commentaries coming from his friends questioning ‘are you good?’ or ‘what’s gotten into you?’ and ‘are you still thinking about that?’.

Even if things aren’t the way he’d usually like — who is Shawn Mendes to negate a good party? — He’s trying his best to let this atmosphere hit him. Gradually, the song sounds nice, a drink leads to another and he tries to connect with the people around him dancing to the beat like the music has thrown a spell and everyone’s progressively giving in as he makes an effort to follow, eventually singing the songs he knows and loosening the tension on his body. Shawn feels comfortable to look people in the eyes, nodding towards the ones who knows him and smiling to the ones he’s recognizing from afar as he swallows his drink down his throat, not minding the burning sensation anymore. “’M gonna get another one. D’you want something?” He says closer to Brian’s ear, pulling out his wallet from his pocket. “Yep. Want you to slow down,” The redhead answers, handing him fifty bucks. “And some tequila shots, if you may.” Shawn laughs thinly, getting the money and pulling away from his friend to hide the money inside his wallet and fix his hair back, undoing a couple of buttons of his dark shirt. Finally that unavoidable effect of the alcohol. The hotness grazing his skin and turning it rosy, only able to be seen when perkier lights illuminated his frame in the middle of so many purple and red setlights shining through the crowd. He ignores what his best friend just said — it makes no sense to ask him to slow down and be funnier at the same time, he can’t perform both all at once — and makes his way to the bar with difficulty due to the many people blocking the way and the place going very brightened and then totally dark in a matter of seconds, increasing not only his confusion but also the dizziness upon his head. The journey to get their drinks is filled with hundreds of excuse me’s and mild touches, silently warning the people that he needs to move forwards and they’re on his way. Still tipsy, he manages to act kindly meanwhile his body submits to the laziness of his movements and leaves the sober-state behind somewhere among the public, approaching a chair in front of the counter step by step where he can sit down to wait for the drinks. “A glass of bourbon and... How many shots can you fit into fifty bucks?” He shouts to the barman, quickly pulling out his credit card. “Three shots, buddy.” The guy responds, typing on his screen to register the order. “Add eight more, please,” He could use some of these shots later, he thinks. “Credit card.” Shawn’s toying with the card, tapping it against the marble while the man before him is still giving away his request and setting the little machine in front of him. It’s all very fast and he doesn’t even listen to the barman after he removed his card and got his note. “What’s your table?” “Table 88,” He blinks rapidly, processing the things happening around him. “Thanks, man.”

It lasts almost three songs until he’s done with the glass he took five minutes after he ordered it, having the drink still at the bar and seeing the shots going to where Brian is standing along with the other guys. It’s almost inevitable to end up reserving himself at some point of the day, his brain asking for some time alone so he could think things again and progress from this looping of reliving his heartbreak that wouldn’t go away so soon. He wanted so bad to let her know that he’s entirely over that person from the damn song everyone’s made sure to remember him about in every interview, remember him how careless he was with the one person that actually matters the most to him. “Such a dick.” He thinks to himself and it happens literally everytime he’s on his own re-experiencing those bitter memories, it’s instant: a bad moment leads to a prompt chastise because he’s never going to forgive him for letting her escape through the spaces of his fingers for the exact reason that he had her on his hands, that’s something that she even dared to say sometimes shyly with her face hidden on his chest and he could never help but roll her over and kiss her face repeatedly, so happy to have someone who wore the feelings on the sleeve just like he does. They do fit together, but there was this huge pile of unsolved things standing in between and it was no one else’s job to disentangle the remained knots than his. It was so innocently unconscious of Shawn to keep going on like he was wholly recovered from that previous relationship and he caught himself laughing at his own actions after realizing how dumb he was, how stupid. He got way too blinded by that hurried wish of belonging to the girl who had to move past his hotel room door and ended up carried away to the middle of nowhere, having his frustration and guilt as company.

Some curious eyes were watching him and he decided to watch back, finding distraction on a few smirks towards him and all the bodies swaying from side to side addicted to the sound and some others were staring at him with their silhouettes standing still, a single pair studying his frame from afar and getting covered by the people coming across.

“We have the fate by our side, remember?”

A voice pops up on his head, his ears focusing on nothing more than this tone banging violently inside his brain as he props himself to stand on his feet, leaving the heavy glass aside on the counter. His vision is too blurry to process what is he exactly seeing and his head is also whirling, not helping him for a bit even though he’s blinking rapidly to brush it off somehow. A hand comes up to wipe the liquid standing on the edges of his lips, instantly flying to his shirt so he can fix the way he’s looking and give his chest a glimpse of fresh air to cool the boiling sensation of the alcohol. He tilts his head up, standing on his tiptoes and he goes from side to side in order to clear the view.

“If it’s supposed to happen, we’ll find a way.”

Shawn feels his knees failing and his throat drying, breathing heavier through his mouth, lips parted and he scrunches his eyebrows, wondering if he’s seeing things or if someone put an extra on his whiskey — and concluding that he actually just drank way too much but that answer doesn’t make the shape of her disappear. He’s not daydreaming, he’s not hallucinating.

“You gotta let me go, sweetheart.”

And just like this, her eyes leave his and she trails her way through the crowd, making it hard for him to follow her with his sight so he immediately moves. It obviously wouldn’t be easy. The excuse me’s are being said all over again, his soberness showing up for a moment now that he’s decided to go after what’s been driving him insane over the past months and ask for a chance to simply apologise if she’s not into hearing all the stuff he had put into new unreleased songs, saying goodbye to the rest of sanity that he had left. Through selfie requests and people pinned down on their spots, he rushes his steps and he’s not going to waste any more time on asking ‘please, can I pass?’ and mumbling thank you’s — it’s unmanageable but he literally acts like there’s no one else inside that pub than him and her, who’s reaching the stairs and climbing them rapidly. Shawn would buy her game with no complains, he’s a fool for this type of love-story and it’d be a wonderful situation to turn into poetry if he hadn’t so many people blocking the two meters separating him from the first degree.

Among twisted lines trailed by his feet and eyes peeking out every corner, he crosses the hall above the stairs after going up. There are couples making out, one or two people smoking and empty glasses leading to a semi-opened door at the very end of the corridor. He’s glad everyone else is probably drunker than he is, so he looks back when he arrives the door to rotate the yellow sign hanging on the door — hiding the indication of ‘Rooftop’ to show the ‘Interdicted’ behind it, soon stepping out of the dark place.

The roof is illuminated by the moonlight and occupied by some chairs and small couches distributed along the big space, the wind blowing colder as the sky could barely get dark by the moon so bright up in there among the stars and thin clouds. The lights of the apartments shutting down here and there, but not weakening the beautiful sight standing in front of that unique silhouette. Her hair is being blown lightly and so is the big coat covering her entire back until the beginning of her thighs and he has to stop himself from running directly at her; from approaching her body in the neediest embrace that he knows he’s capable of. “You know that hide-and-seek was my least favourite game when I was little?” He chuckles softly. As per usual, his unmistakable voice gets her vulnerable. His sweet tone, always floating between low and raspy to harmonious and joyful seemed to entice her and there was no turning back. Not that she wasn’t expecting him to follow and find her, but she needed at least two good minutes to settle down and think about what to say because it was certain that Shawn would hit her with questions and thoughts of his. She turns around; too shy to face him after what happened a month ago so she keeps on looking at her own feet, smiling to the ground and supporting both elbows on the balcony meanwhile he closes the door behind him. His nervousness starts to show up and it makes him smile too as he undoes the buttons of his dress shirt to roll up the sleeves, revealing his tattooed arm and letting the air cool the parts of his body. “Don’t you have a tour to take care of?” Still staring down, she asks and she doesn’t mean to sound rude. For someone who barely has time to hang out, it’s a surprise to see him outside the studios and backstage. “I didn’t expect to see you here too,” Shawn jokes, knowing that this is what she actually meant. He hides his hands on the pockets of his pants and walks slowly towards her, not wanting to get near enough to scare her away — but dying to get near enough to watch the moonlight lightning up her face. “I have a few days off, just needed to distract myself… Get some air, do different things, you know?” Stopping two or three steps away from her, he keeps on waiting for her to look at him since that’s what he’s been craving for several days. “Yeah,” She mumbles, breathing deeply before tilting her head up and seeing that he’s closer than she thought he was — the signature chocolate-fallen-curl contrasting with the colour of his skin and matching his eyes at the same time, so locked on the shapes of her face like he had found her for the first time. “How’s everything?” “How’s everything?” He questions back, voice squeaking a little and he giggles. Like it isn’t obvious. “Everything’s been terribly awful,” This time, his intonation falls an octave and his stride comes forward a little bit more and he surprisingly doesn’t stagger, gulping before moving on now that her eyes just founded his. “Everything’s been dreary ever since you left,” The wind hit them harder and, when she closes her eyes to avoid it, Shawn sees a teardrop moistening her eyelashes and her bottom lip being hidden by her teeth sinking down on the plump skin so fiercely. “You feel the same, don’t ya?” How can see right through her like this? It’s so unfair, she thinks, and so dumb of her to show such weakness this immediate. She opens her eyes and blinks quickly to dissipate the tears, sniffing faintly and holding her own arms to warm her body somehow, also to comfort her own shaky limbs instead of giving in and throwing herself at his strong arms. “I know you do,” He emphasizes and he’s 100% sure that he’s right. They’ve never broken this connection between them. Call him crazy, but he could swear that her heart is beating as heavily as his even when she was far away from him during this whole time — their respiration have the same hurried pace, both their minds work together like they depend on each other and it’s undeniable that their chest flutter with the same feeling. “Listen,” He starts, pausing to lick his lips and close all the space between them, the tips of their feet nudging as he holds his hands together to stop the urge of caressing her arms and pulling her to himself. “There’s so much I wanna tell you. Would it be okay if we talk?” She takes in the way he’s looking concerned at her, internally hoping he hadn’t asked for too much. “Sure,” She says and he looks around to find which one of the seats is the most comfortable. “But not here, ‘s way too cold.” Ending with a soft smile, she suggests and Shawn literally melts inside when seeing a happy expression of hers, even if it’s not fully sincere.

This sparkled something in Shawn, he wants to see more of that and he wants to be the reason behind her happiness. During the time they were walking past the stairs and the dancing bodies to reach the exit door, he begun to list all the important things he’d been thinking about to show her how sorry he feels for making her feel like a backup, for making her wait, for hurting her feelings and for not being the perfect guy for the perfect girl that she is. He doesn’t know how he managed to focus on her sat down beside him on the passenger seat and on this list at one go, but it worked for the time they were inside his Jeep driving to the apartment he got in Toronto with the radio turned on — so when there wasn’t a red light for him to stop and glance at her through the corner of his eye, he could rely on her tone singing the songs along in a timid volume. Shockingly, there wasn’t a tension. The anxiousness was certain, but the fact that they wanted and needed this moment got higher than any other type of intimidating emotions. It felt so good to be together again, even if it’s only physically speaking — they don’t know where this is going, there might be no reconciliation but being close feels right, feels like home.

At the elevator, he leaned against the cold wall and she turned to the mirror to fix all the imperfections (perfections, to Shawn) as his eyes burned all of her in a compelled stare. She’s too beautiful to be true according to his conclusions, too precious not to be held the entire time and too sweet to waste her time with someone who can’t treat her right. They kept on stealing glances here and there, earning smiles and sighs from each other like when she stepped inside the elevator on his building at their first date — when he took her to see the Christmas lights after dinner, and he’d tour the entire Canada with her if she asked to. He remembers being now exactly the way he was back at this day: heart beating faster, eyes glued on every action of hers with his brain electing all the emotions he needed to let her know.

The apartment is as cozy as she remembered. The couch is white, the view is still very beautiful and the living room is slightly disorganized. On the center table there’s a few pages sharing the space with a pick, a pen, a half-empty bottle of water and a mug. The window is open, curtains swaying as the wind invades the room and gives both of them chills. “Get yourself comfortable,” Shawn says, shutting the door close and locking it just in case someone decides to leave the pub sooner. She takes off her shoes to leave next to the door and walks bashfully; feeling the softness of the mat sprawled in the middle of the room under the wooden table as she sits down on the couch. He drops his keys on the counter of the kitchen and follows her with his eyes. “God, I’m sorry! What a fuckin’ mess—“ “We’re not here to talk about the mess,” She cuts him off, getting up to reach and grab him by the arm to join her. “We’re here to talk about something else, aren’t we?” “Of course, of course,” Being dragged by the arm, he lets her pull him and he tugs at his curls before holding her hand more forcefully, impeding her to sit down again. “You look pretty in this dress.” He smirks but not dirtily — on the contrary — it’s a grin filled with the purest joy. “Yeah?” Asking, she keeps standing on her feet and spins around with the help of his arm raising to whirl her by the hand. “This guy gave it to me on my birthday. Pretty cool, right?” “Awesome!” He chuckles, holding and caressing her hand while he dares to get nearer. “He’s got taste, eh?” “He wore Saint Laurent to the Met Gala so, yeah, he’s got a whole lot of taste.” They laugh simultaneously, allowing themselves to ignore the seriousness of this meeting for a moment. As they’re both people who hate confrontation, that feels like a good start before discussing things over. “Can I hug you?” With puppy eyes, Shawn asks her impulsively and she feels completely unable to say no. Tiptoeing to hold him by the shoulders, she snuggles in and he embraces her middle leisurely from the very edge of his fingertips to his palm, ending up trapping her with his thick arms. They both close their eyes and their breathing get calm. Their hearts, on the other hand, are beating insanely and banging each other’s bodies, their upper halfs pulsating from finally getting back to where they belong. “I missed you so much.” That’s all it takes for her to start crying. “Missed you too.” She murmurs, clutching at his body harder and the tears are wetting her cheeks. Shawn feels a huge knot forming on his throat, begging to be released in a cry and, holding her tighter, he lets it out. He can’t disguise if it’s from having her there against him, or if it’s the fear consuming him and reminding the possibility that she wants to go on without him, if it’s both, if it’s none of these things… It’s all very blurry but this torture has to end, and it has to be now before he goes madly insane. “C’mere,” He says, letting go of her partly to sit down and drop his hands: one to hold hers and the other one to wipe away his and her tears. “I… Well, first I want to apologise. I’ve been nowhere close to what you deserve, I was an asshole and—“ Shawn uses the hand that’s not holding hers to rub his face, covering his mouth at the end of it so his following words start to come out muffled but audible enough for her to listen. “And I know that nothing in this world can fix what I did to you. God, and I’ve tried — I’ve tried to fool myself and accept that this would never happen again but not for a single moment I found myself able to get you out of my head,” His hazel eyes are deeply connected with hers, occasionally dropping to see her lips parting and her eyebrows frowning in the pain they’re sharing of struggling so much to find a way to give this relationship the decision it needs. “What is this that you’re doing to me?” Questioning kind of angrily, Shawn seems to get more and more lost. He’ll never figure out exactly what gets him on his knees for her, it’s every little thing about the girl in front of him. “I can’t get you out of my mind. When I’m sleeping, when I’m singing, when I’m writing… You’re there all the fuckin’ time. I can’t… I can’t do something that’s not related to you anymore and you can totally tell me to shut the fuck up right now before I do something stupid, but I love you. I… Holy shit I love you so much it hurts,” He leans closer, moving a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear and touch their noses and foreheads together. “And I’m not sorry for this.” It’s too late for her to notice his lips coming because it happens suddenly. About two seconds ago he was standing distant and now their lips are pressed against each other as both his hands hold her face with an urgent need. She lifts her eyebrows in surprise but doesn’t back off — instead, she brings her hands to hold his arms and feels his entire body trembling, holding back the cry with all his strength. Nothing else seems to matter now. They’re finally fading into the touch they’ve been missing so much and it feels so right and so wrong at the same time. He reschedules the thought of deepening the kiss for some other time, pecking her lips repeatedly and slowly at the same time, enjoying the tender graze of their mouths brushing together. “No one wants this more than I do, trust me,” She mumbles, sighing soon after. “But how am I—“ “There’s nobody else,” Shawn interrupts, knowing that he failed her trust. “It’s you. It’s only you.” “Shawn,” Nodding in denial, she tries to move away but his hold won’t let her. He doesn’t mean to come off impolite, but it’s practically unconscious. “It’s easy to say.” “Then tell me what do I do,” He looks her deep in the eyes, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb. “Tell me what I can do to make you mine for a lifetime.” His words are a trap, cornering her and making it hard to avoid her most sincere desires. Her mind can’t form an instant choice and the only thing she knows is that she’s dying to say yes, as many times as needed. Too bad it isn’t simple like this, there’s so much to heal and yet a big lack of patience. “Just say the words, babe,” He sinks his fingers into her hair, tugging at it lightly to tilt her head back so he can have her mouth at his mercy right in front of his. “I’ll do anything if it means I’m never going to see you leaving me again.” He whispers, at the merge of sobbing as he feels his head starting to ache from the whiskey and the crying. All that he wants now is her. She’s the only one that can ease all the agony that’s taking over him. “Jeez!” She hisses, defeated and weak for him. “Shawn, I—“ “Stop me if you don’t want this,” He understands how difficult it is for her to put into words by the way she’s having issues to breathe properly. “But I need you so bad, babe, so bad,” Mouthing at her lips, he loosens the grip on her hair so she can relax and lean against him. “Let me show you how much I love you, how sorry I am…” And like this he descends to the curve of her shoulder, planting wet kisses up to her neck — taking from the base to the skin under her ear with all the passion he’s got. “Let me make you mine again.” She doesn’t wait when he reaches her jaw to move his mouth to the corner of hers, capturing his lips in a deep kiss filled with all the emotions burning inside their bodies. He holds the nape of her neck and her waist with strong hands, pulling her to himself as he breathes harshly, searching for all the air he can get to keep kissing her with all that he’s got. Shawn slips his tongue past her lips and she reciprocates, letting their kiss mix together at the point where she moves forward to straddle his lap and, before his back can hit the couch, he’s grabbing her by the back of her thighs and rushing to his room.

He doesn’t care to turn on the lights, taking advantage on the moonlight breaking through the window to see the bed where he puts her body down on gently to promptly get rid of his dress shirt without undoing the buttons — he holds onto the fabric and simply stretch the edges apart and pull it out from his jeans, throwing the now-ruined cloth away and kicking off his boots and socks. She’s still shifting her frame on his bed but he doesn’t waste time on lying above her after she takes off her coat to leave it aside, traveling his tattooed hand through the side of her silhouette covered by the black velvet dress separating the warmness of her skin from his graze while he finds her lips again. They’re devouring each other’s mouth, letting loud smacks fly throughout the room and she starts to grab his arms for dear life, encouraging to push his instincts farther, profounder on her, not stopping for a second to care about bruises and hickeys — it’s distractingly intense, dripping lust and an unstoppable compulsion to kill this distance with the love that runs through their veins; spreading an enormous heat all over their skin. Shawn traces her clavicle and presses his fingers down as they move to the thin strap of her dress, going under the piece of cloth and hauling it down her arm and immediately doing the same with the remaining strap. She’s tugging at his thick curls ferociously and he bites her bottom lip, pulling it to himself and watch it spring back in place when he releases it. They’re frantically inhaling and exhaling noisily, her arms coming back down just for him to expose the skin of her stomach and chest and flying back to where they belong: him. She’s squeezing the muscles of his shoulder as he goes down to attack her neck with hot and needy kisses, the curls of his hair tickling her chin and soon moving away with his head going down so he can mark her skin with suctions and love-bites, embellishing all the way from her throat to her collarbones with red stains turning into purple already and she can’t help but squirm everytime his teeth graze her icy body, getting lost in the way he’s consuming her entire being like it’s the last time he’s ever going to cover her middle with his skilled mouth. “Fuckin’ missed this,” Shawn mutters between smooches and bites, his hand everywhere all at once while her back starts lifting off the mattress as she shivers. “Fuckin’ missed your body all to myself,” With the black velvet on his hands, he keeps on loving every inch he started revealing while her tight dress was being removed, pulled down to her hipbones and then legs, soon joining his long-gone dress shirt on the floor. “Fuckin’ missed you, babe,” Hovering over her again after throwing her cloth away, he whispers close to her mouth and clings their frames against each other gently, not wanting to smash her with his front. It’s electrifying the touch happening in this moment, their touches stringing and giving them all the answers they’ve been searching for: this is where they’re meant to be, this is the right thing to do. “I love you.” “I love you more,” She whispers back, wasting no time on replying him and venting her aching heart out shamelessly. “Been missing you so much…” And she has no more space to speak. He smiles widely and brings his lips back to hers, overwhelming her whole body with a heated kiss. The pressure between their lips is perfectly added as they lock and unlock their mouths with more patience, tasting each other’s tongues lazily like there’s no tomorrow — and even if it has, Shawn doesn’t wanna leave this moment; he wants to stay in this bed and make love to her until the sunrise so he’s going to have an eternity fitted in these hours to make her moan and tremble underneath him as many times as he wants to, definitely keeping this night eternized somewhere inside his heart and soul, materializing this eternity. She needs more of this, so she threatens to inch closer and stand on her elbows but Shawn is quicker to press his palm down on her middle and pin her on the bed. They’re both breathing deeply into the kiss and he lowers to trail a long stripe with loud kisses from her cheeks — loving one side with his lips and grazing the other side with the back of his fingers; to her jawline — tickling the skin above it with his teeth, unable to hold a smile from this joy of being with her again; neck — switching between kisses, licks and suctions, leaving a curved line of hickeys drawing her sweetest spots; chest — pecking the expansion without leaving a single space behind as he drives his hand to her back, unclasping her bra and tossing it somewhere away so he can capture one of her nipples with his lips, fondling the other one with his index and middle finger while the other ones work along with his palm to massage her breast; stomach — applying a heavier pressure on his kisses in order not to tickle her and keep on taking away those low whimpers she’s giving to him, her skin showing goosebumps under his touch as he gives all the inches the love they deserve, the love they’ve been craving with his eyes fluttered closed, mind deeply concentrated; hipbones — feeling the curve of them against his swollen and wet lips and catching her underwear in between his teeth to pull it away from her just to release and let it softly slap her body, opening his eyes only to look at her utterly fucked and having issues to maintain her breathing patterned; thighs — covering the smooth skin with his mouth like he’s french-kissing like they’re her lips, heating the inner parts with his touch and not breaking eye-contact with her this time, his curls starting to fall down and eyes attentive on her; and her covered heat. She’s helplessly dripping wet and groaning, barely keeping her body in place from this torture. Bucking her hips forward, she meets his tongue coming up her pussy and a loud moan escapes her parted lips, her hands flying to his curls and grabbing the locks and punishing them between her fingers. Shawn embraces her thighs while watching her becoming a mess, grasping the sheets and looking back at him with desperation, needing him to do something, anything. It’s a wild dream that he doesn’t wanna wake up from. Holding her legs forcefully, he stops her from squirming too much after taking off her soaked panties. She quivers a little, feeling the colder air blowing her dripping core before he covers it with his tender tongue, licking boldly from her entrance to her clit repetitively — yet slowly — and attaching his lips around her bundle of nerves to suck on it, pulling to his mouth the taste of her that he’s been starving for ever since he realized the hurried urge to consume her body blooming inside his mind. She’s letting out broken sobs, nearly suffering from how delightful it feels to have her throbbing clit being caressed by his soft lips and wet tongue, making her go even wetter if that’s possible. Tilting her head, she sees the curve of his upper lip molding perfectly the beginning of her lower lips and her heart starts to miss the beats, she’s not sure she can take this amount of pleasure but surely wants to keep going at the moment he digs his short nails into her thighs and eats her out mightily. Shawn tugs the skin of her sensitive clit between his red lips and licks it devotedly to suck it more roughly, making her eyes roll to the back of her head as she gives up on the bed to finally let her body feel the moment relaxed against the mattress, the tingling sensation down on her entrance and knot on her lower stomach growing more and more messing with her senses. The noises coming from his actions are driving her insane, crying out his name like it’s the only thing she knows and God knows how much this is making his member get close to explode inside those tight jeans, also warming his chest and spurring his heart to beat agonizingly fast in happiness, love, relief and the other countless emotions that he’s not decently conscious to name. “Shawn, I need you,” She manages to say among the growls. “I can’t take it anymore, please.” Honestly, neither can Shawn. It’s speedy the way he gets up to unbutton his black jeans and pull it down with his underwear, his cock springing up and bouncing after leaving the constricted fabrics and she’s ready to get up and knee in front of him but when she sees, he’s already above her and grabbing her wrists together upon her head. “I just gotta feel you,” Sticking their foreheads together — with that obstinate s-shaped-curl between them — he lies down on her silhouette slightly to feel her temperature mixing with his. “Is that okay?” “Yes,” She pants close to his mouth. “Just please, babe…” He lines himself up, brushing his angry tip against her clit and entrance and moistening her with pre-cum, both their parts craving that first thrust going deep inside of her as he bottoms out almost immediately. It’s hard to suppress a moan so he lowers a little bit more, supporting himself on one arm besides her as the other one goes under the nape of her neck to grab at the hair upon it, lightly scratching when his fingers curls inside to hold her strands and tilting it back to expose more of her skin for him to descend and suckle that region under her ear with a fiery desire. “Love you,” She murmurs, scarcely noticeable and holding his face and moving it towards hers while she says it. “Not more than I love you,” He replies instantly and brushes their noses together before stealing a frantic kiss.

Now it’s all slow.

He pushes his hardened member back and forth deliberately, making her feel all his length millimeter by millimeter meanwhile they’re kissing unhurriedly. She moves her hands to his shoulders, taking a good handful of them whenever he buries himself inside of her completely and then traveling to his muscular back, scraping at it and leaving red lines along the expansion of his prominent muscles, bringing his body impossibly closer. When Shawn breaks the kiss is just to sink his cock strongly, in a deafening roll of his skin slapping hers, to groan stridently as he contorts his face in pleasure. The air seems to leave her lungs when he tries it again, doing it even deeper and tougher practically knocking the sanity out of her when he hits her spot with this much force. Her mouth falls in agape, eyebrows frowning and he looks at her doing the same expression, driving into her more and more aggressively, their bodies smacking and filling the room with that incomparable sound. At the same time it’s raw and rough it’s unbelievably delicious — every thrust of his sliding easily in and out and although it’s steady, it has a raced pace: he goes all the way in very fast and powerfully to let her tight walls hold his cock closely at the point it makes him go lightheaded, veins in his arms darting out and his hairline is getting wet but not for a split second he thinks about stopping. He only wants more: more of her back arching, more of her legs shaking uncontrollably, more of her nails digging into his back, more of her mewls and eyes rolling profoundly… “More,” Shawn hears her begging, promptly relying on that hand that was on her hair to use his right arm to grab her leg and bend it up, giving her a new angle. “Give it to me,” He’s rumbling and pushing ferociously, the hazel eyes never leaving hers as he hits her in every thinkable way. She starts to squeeze his dick harder and he starts to twitch, grazing her g-spot even more lusciously and he can feel his orgasm at the merge of washing him off. It’s so hard to hold himself when he’s gliding so easily, so deliciously that it makes both their heads spin while everything around them seems to fade away. There’s nothing else than their sex overriding them, there’s nothing else than their moans entwined in the most beautiful symphony and their highs exploding inside their bodies. She feels her entrance pulsating and he’s already low-growling with his raspy tone into her divided lips, filling her with hot ribbons that are fading into her orgasm following not long after and he collapses onto her frame, trembling and holding her as they try to recover their respiration. “Fuck,” He whispers, thrusting very slowly still. They’re wasted but he doesn’t want it to end, doing his best to respect her sensitiveness and suggest a round two at the same time, typical boyish grin highlighting his small scar. “Please, never leave this bed.” “Will not,” She answers, eyes fluttered close as she palms his flushed chest.

When the sunrise breaks into his bedroom with no further warnings, he feels the bright light trying to invade his eyelids and turns around to face the other side of the bed. He lazily stretches his arm to touch a body that’s not there. This is what spurs him to open his eyes. Eyelids lightly squinted, he eyes around the bedroom to find the floor clear like not even he stepped inside this place for the last 12 hours. The space beside him on the bed is perfectly made, the pillow is fluffed and free of any signs that someone had rested on there for the last night until now and he still has his dress shirt on with his black Calvins and only one sock on his foot. “What the fuck?” He mumbles, sitting and rubbing his face. This doesn’t make sense, there’s no way. How the hell she could’ve managed to sneak out without leaving a trail behind it’s a question that has no coherent answers. And it’s so not her type to go out and dress him instead of stealing his shirt to keep it to herself. Shawn tosses the blanket away and gets up to knock on the bathroom door and get no responses, flicking the doorknob open and finding the place just the way he left last night: his cologne is on top of the sink, his toothbrush in the right spot and the towels are correctly arranged just like the mat. He enjoys the moment to splash some cold water on his face and brush his teeth, looking at his own reflection on the mirror and seeing that his skin is normal — no hickeys, no scratches, not a single bruise or bite. His eyes are reddened though, kinda swollen and very tired. He takes long strides to the living room, where his notes are still above the black center-table with the bottle of water completely filled and untouched and the mug besides the pen. Chewing on his bottom lip, he looks at the whole room spinning in place and there’s not a damn indication that she’d been here. Maybe he was wrong, maybe someone did put an extra on his whiskey and the effects are happening just now. She has to be here, she has to be somewhere inside this condo. Shawn rushes back to the bedroom, grabbing his phone and searching for a message or whatever gives him a warning of where the fuck she’s hiding herself.

iMessage from Brian: hey dude. left ur keys on the counter last night and i’m gettin some breakfast n bacon to take care of this hangover. don’t die, brb!

Scrolling down, he sees nothing more than the usual. He scrunches his brows, opening his Instagram and instantaneously seeing a post from her in Toronto from 10 hours ago somewhere not even close to the pub he went to last night. She’s wearing the same dress he gifted her, though — hugging her shape dreamily and just from looking at it Shawn can feel the fabric in between his calloused fingers, and he smiles painfully.

Under the steamy water, he runs his fingers through his hair a thousand times like the rubbing would make his brain dissipate the clouds from his thoughts. Nothing makes sense, nothing fits, nothing belongs together. When he’s sitting down back on bed with his soaked hair dripping waterdrops onto his back and chest, Brian pops his head inside the semi-opened door of his bedroom with a cup of coffee on his hand. “Hey, man!” Shawn looks at him and silently allows him in. “Feeling better?” “Guess I…” He frowns, eyes focusing on nothing. “Did we smoke yesterday?” “No, dude,” Brian answers, chuckling lightly. “But it looked like you did.” “What’s that?” “You were yelling her name in the middle of the pub for everyone to hear and that was so fucked up.” Then reality shoves a punch on his face. Hard. “So fucked up…” It was all a motherfucking dream from the moment Brian held him and forced him into the Jeep to come back home. The tears were wetting his face crazily and he couldn’t stop calling out her name from that second to when his best friend put him on bed, so drunk and so fucked up. “This shit’s all over the internet, isn’t it?” Shawn asks, facepalming with both hands. “Chill, bro,” He hears Brian responding. “We got you out of there coolly, don’t worry,” He takes a sip of his coffee, watching his friend sitting down and feeling miserable, wishing he could do something more. It’s almost motherly the way Brian stares at Shawn. “Got you breakfast, c’mon up—“ “Thanks, man, I’m good.” “You gotta eat, bitch,” Brian says playfully. “I’m not really into saving your ass from another catastrophe that soon.” This time, Shawn laughs exhaling through his nose and gets up. “Thank you for yesterday,” They smack hands together and pull each other for a side hug. “I owe you one,” After they release, Shawn fixes his towel around his v-line. “If you don’t mind I’d like to—“ “Be alone, yup,” Brian winks at him, stepping out of the room. “Gotcha. Good luck, man. If you need me I’ll be at Ian’s.”

As soon as he hears Brian closing the front door, he finishes putting on his boots and unlocks his screen open to find a chat and press onto the voice recording button. Holding it, he goes to the mirror to pass his hand on his hair for the last time. “Hey, uhm… I know this is random but… Can you meet me down on Adelaide Street?” And even though the message hasn’t been seen yet, he goes to the kitchen to take his keys and drive all the way there.

And sitting down on his favourite café, he orders that meal he knows she likes to share with him while he tries to come down from the most gorgeous nightmare of his life, admiring the view from the ambient out there as he efforts his nerves not to feel empty anymore, expecting her to show up and fill his hollow being with the pleasure of having her presence physically, out of the mess that his mind has become.

He’s seen that she listened to his voice memo about an hour ago but didn’t respond. Shawn can’t stop staring at the chat wordlessly, gulping and breathing deeply before he’s snapped out of his own little world by a sweet-unique tone coming together with that enticing scent only he knew better than anyone else.

“Wanted to see me?”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes masterlist #mine #ficsofmine #SORRY THIS IS NOT WHAT U WERE EXPECTING

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olivenight17 · 5 years ago

Note

Heya! Can you do a piece on how difficult it is for Kakashi to acknowledge his feelings for given how much he's suffered in the past? Like he's afraid of falling in love/rejects love. Thanks in advance :)

Hey, hey, I’m back! I tried my hardest and I think it came out decent, I’m at least satisfied with it. Man, someone give this poor man a hug, he’s not ridiculously lovey dovey but he’s trying his best! I also combined this with another ask from an anon who wanted a longer fic with the reader as a jonin so I hope that’s okay with you. But otherwise, have fun my wonderful cracked walnut, and let me know what you think!

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Kakashi x Reader “Trust and Love”

Kakashi wished he was normal.

He wished he could have had a life where none of the deaths that surrounded him happened. That it was just a cruel nightmare that he would wake up from and life was actually fine.

But it was only wishful thinking and it wouldn’t get him anywhere.

So he put on a smile, stayed on good terms with the people he still knew and didn’t let himself get attached to people he didn’t. Life was just easier that way, and he was more than content living it. The daily challenges from Gai, teasing Yamato and riling up his students, that was all he needed.

Though it wasn’t like people didn’t try to challenge it anyways.

Kakashi was a man shrouded in mystery, incredibly charming - at least, when he wanted to be- and a talented ninja. Most importantly, he was single. He was a popular bachelor in Konoha and thus had been hit on multiple times.

When it first started, a little while after he had been released from the ANBU, he had actually tried to reciprocate it. After all the death he had seen, both out in the field and in his dreams, he figured loving someone would be the best thing to take away all the horrors.

Time had long since made the memories fuzzy, but he remembered her smile and gentle nature. She had this quiet laugh that made the world stop in his mind when he heard it. But most vividly, Kakashi remembered her chocolate brown locks. He knew because he felt guilt whenever he saw it or ran his fingers through the strands. Everytime he looked at it, it wasn’t her, it was Rin. It was only a temporary flash, but it was enough to make him blink. She started to become the person he was killing in his nightmares, and it wasn’t long before terror struck in reality as well.

She had been kidnapped by rogue ninja who had it out for Kakashi. It had taken him a few days to track them, but by the time he had, they were already gone. But they did leave her, although severely beaten and bloody. His heart dropped at the sight of her and everything felt fuzzy until he dropped her off at the hospital. The white walls of the room felt sickening and made the copy ninja claustrophobic, but he stayed by her side. He stayed because he knew it was his fault she had been hurt. She was targeted because he had foolishly loved. But he would make it up to her, he would protect her this time.

But fate didn’t give him a chance to do so.

She had woken up, devoid of any memories and the doctors confirmed that the amnesia was irreversible. Kakashi watched from afar as she tried to make sense of everything, before he stopped seeing her altogether. He couldn’t, not after he had been the one to take her memories, her life away. Frustrated tears made their way down his face that day. He didn’t understand, how was it every time he loved someone, he ended up destroying them instead?

He was well and truly a cursed man.

Any walls that he had built around his heart prior to that incident had been fortified. He wouldn’t let anyone pass through them, and it was safer for everyone that way.

Though that didn’t stop anyone from flirting with him, he humored it without letting it go too far.

But of course, that was when he had met you.

You, a talented jonin who could just as easily keep up with him and match his skill level. Someone who was as stubborn as you were kind, and certainly not afraid to call him out on anything he did. Kakashi couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so hard until he met you.

But just as you were easing your way passed his defenses, he caught himself. He was doing it again, for the third time in his life. He was falling in love.

No, not this time.

Kakashi wasn’t going to mess it up this time. The following weeks after his realization, he stayed away from you, and if he couldn’t distance himself, then he treated you coldly. It hurt him seeing the confused look on your face, but he reminded himself that it was for your own good. This would keep you safe, and that was all that mattered to him.

But, you didn’t stay confused. No, you grew frustrated and hurt. Those emotions combined led to a confrontation in the middle of the street after yet another cold quip from the silver haired man. “What the actual hell is your deal, Kakashi?” You snapped, growling at his indifferent state.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He responded, further riling you up.

You grabbed him by his vest to make him face you. “Oh, you know. You just don’t want to admit it. I don’t understand, we’ve been working together for almost a year and for the last month you’ve given me a cold shoulder. You’ve never done that before, did I say something? Did I make the wrong call? Spit it out!” You shout at him, he gives you a blank stare. After a minute of silence, you eventually let go of his vest to run a hand through your hair, barking out a laugh as you do. “Seriously, just my luck. I fall for someone and just when I think that maybe you like me too and this is going somewhere, I mess it up. Unbelievable…” You hiss at yourself.

You catch a glimpse at Kakashi and that’s all you need. His posture slacks, his eye softens and his eyebrow creases, as if he’s some kind of pain. “Don’t tell me, you do like me, don’t you?”

He says nothing, instead choosing to avoid your gaze.

“You do! Why are you treating me this way? I’ll have you know, most people don’t swoon for guys that are assholes to them.”

“Lower your voice, you’re making a scene.”

“I don’t care! You’ve been ignoring me for too long, Kakashi. I deserve answers.”

“…You’re right, but let’s go somewhere a little more private first.” You concede to that and Kakashi sighs in relief as he moves you both to a quiet place down the street where you can sit.

You don’t hesitate to break the silence. “Why didn’t you just tell me that you loved me?” You’ve never seen him look so grim at just one question.

He pauses, collecting his thoughts. “I couldn’t, even though I really wanted to. (Y/N), you are an incredibly intelligent, caring and determined individual. You have a bright future ahead of you, and for those reasons you deserve someone better than me.” You give him an incredulous look at his words.

“You’re all those things too, Kakashi. In fact, you’re all that and more, you have a strong and compassionate heart, which is just another one of the reasons I fell for you. In my mind there is no one better than you,” You told him as you put a hand on his shoulder.

His face shadowed and he clenched his hands into fists. “I’m just going to hurt you.” He muttered with a darkness in his voice you had never witnessed.

But you weren’t about to let that stop you. “Were you planning to hurt me if we were in a relationship?” You ask him bluntly. Your question made him look back up at you in shock and he instantly shook his head. “Then how do you know I’ll end up hurt?”

He sighed as he shook his head. “Because it always happens. If I fall in love, that person gets hurt in a way that can never be fixed. I’ve watched too many die or get injured simply because they were near me. I can’t do that to you, I need to protect you.” You nod your head to his words, finally beginning to understand his thought process.

Your face softens into a gentle and comforting smile. “Thank you for the protection, Kakashi. I appreciate it, and I appreciate that you want to keep me safe. But, there’s just one more thing I need to ask. Do you trust me?” He nods without hesitation and you place your hand on his. “Then trust that I’ve got a good head on my shoulders and that I can protect myself from the danger your love will put me in. I love you Kakashi, and I’m willing to embrace all that comes with it and come out on top with you.” You smile at him kindly, and it’s enough to almost make him fall over.

The earnesty in your voice and that smile, it means everything to him. Before he can even blink he realizes that you were always there next to his heart from the very start. For the first time in a while, you give him hope. Hope that this will work out, that he can love without destruction. He grips your hand and grins back. “Then I’m glad that I’ve got someone on my side to face it with.”

#Kakashi Hatake #naruto #Kakashi x reader #slight angst #request #give this man some love #he wants to love but he's so awkward I swear lol #reader chan you've got a lot to unpack from this guy

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years ago

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Med Rewatch Series (#1)

Right, monkey brain said no sleep no rest, only suffering at the hands of med.

I am going to start with the first episode of S2: Soul Care. Reasoning? I need to check if Latham references Ava in his first interaction with Connor.

If my memory serves me right, when Connor is passed over to Latham for his fellowship, Latham says that he was not his first choice. In fact, his first choice was a brilliant surgeon from South Africa. In the first episode of S2, a season where Ava Bekker is only introduced with one line at the end of the last episode.

If I remember correctly and Latham does actually say that in the first ep of s2, it will be huge for the continuity (and my theory that I came up with today, if you’re interested in following this you should really read that really long post that came a little before this where the basis of the theory is laid out).

Also in rewatching this I see more of Sarah which, again, I have not seen in two years, and she was the reason I became invested in the show, and the reason I stopped watching after she left.

And all of this even before I start the episode.

There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my brain it literally hurts. I think i’m getting a headache. I’m already really regretting this, this cannot be healthy for me.

(btw, this will basically be a train of thought type thing, I’ll do my best to keep it coherent)

- omg its starting

- i completely forgot how s1 ended but its not importnat in anyway

- just, why are they in a helicopter

- how fast does the episode move ive forgotten and i need to know

-JESUS CHRIST SO DRAMATIC

- THE BEGINNING WITH WILL WHY

- it is at this point where I apologize to all those who made it this far bc we’re literally not even 30 seconds in yet

- i just have a lot of med thoughts

- oh god save me

- i am laughing hysterically

- JESUS CHRIST THE APRIL TB STORYLINE AND TATE WTF

- god that feels like a lifetime ago it was relevant holyshit

-remember when she was pregnant?

- literally what have I missed

- side note, i really like the cup april drinks out of.

-THERE SHE IS

-SARAH

-SHE’S HERE

-and she’s a barista

-literally wtf is this show

-and the dramatic music is still going literally chill man god

-THE WAY SARAH SMILES HOLY SHITTTT come on man there was literally no way i’d survive this but fuck not even a minute in...

- okay but i never understood charles’ family scenario but this is already too fucking long for a minute in so i hope we can just skip past that

-hahahah sharon’s fucking divorce? holy shit, this is too dramatic for the first ep literally save me (at least she acts well)

-yeah the one thing I will say about med (thats a lie ive already said a hundred but yk) is that for the crap storylines and all, the actors take what they’re given and give it their all and i appreciate it so much

-the helicopter’s number is N365UCC and just... succ

-ethans bird (!)

-also the fact that’s so big for ethan to be chief resident is so weird to me. like the last medical drama I watched was greys and they are all like grizzled veterans and have been doing that stuff for actual decades and i tend to put med and greys on like the same level bc they are the only medical dramas ive watched but.. holy crap the people on med are so young?? half their main cast is med students and residents. when nearly every main character on greys is a department head. its wild.

-proud of ethan. proud of my boy (did you know that adam jacobs who played aladdin on broadway was in a s3 episode? fun facts) (fun fact: did you know that ava is the only main character on the show who’s status is now deceased? I’ll shut up now.)

-oh my god i say roland buck III’s name and GOD noah jesus

- i find noah incredibly annoying, especially bc he tries to overshadow reese (my fav) but also just bc hes spoiled [that thing that said that one of the biggest mistakes med made was not having sarah get the emergency med residency at the end of s1 comes to mine, and the fact that noah got his residency easy peasy] - but, i will say that the moment at the end of this season where noah and reese dance together at the party is very adorable. (pre reesker brain showing lmao I really did love sarah with my whole heart) (moreover my snapchat memories were filled with just recordings of reese scenes lmaooooo)

-okay at this point I need to stop once i get to the potential ava thing bc what is happening we’re not even two minutes in why is this so long. (so many thoughts)

- i find will annoying but,,, he is kind of nice to look at. and what i mean is like facial acting (i am a lesbian). like. just. don’t speak. and when he’s being a good character he’s fine. it’s very few and very far between ig

-natalie annoys me so much and shes only had one line, and it wasn’t even a character line, it was mainly exposition.

-EW

-FUCKING EW

-ITS CONNOR HE’S HERE. god i forgot what he looked like in red scrubs and his poofy hair. child compared to s3 and s4. hopefully we see latham soon so we all don’t have to suffer through this. and he looks so angsty. he definetly glowed up in the later seasons.

- i have no clue how to spell definetly. I am guessing literally everytime.

-latham please come and end this all.

-oh haha there’s downey hes dead.

-okay so i actually watched s1 after i watched s2 which is so weird to think about. like that means that i liked s2 so much that i BOUGHT THE DVD FOR S1. yeah. I liked it that much (it really only means I was that much of a simp for sarah). but it also means that technically i watched s1 after i met ava?? like i honestly had NO CLUE what was in my future. did young me ever think she was going to stay up late at night, avoiding history hw while analyzing a defunct character from this show on a whim? a character i was super annoyed with at the beginning? who has no become a huge part of my personality? honestly? no. no she did not.

-and the story with downey was so jarring. and the story with zanetti. like i think i first started watching with the first ep of s2 (the one im talking about rn) and i was a bit lost. so going back and watch s1 to like connect the dots. but i never expected the dots to look like that. its like each season of this show is a completely different show from all the other seasons. like i’ve said before, this show is a headache. but literally latham please come and end this for now.

-GOD CONNOR LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT THE HELL thats so weird lmaooooo

- like i had absolutely no clue who downey was going into this. and they they started talking like ‘oh yeah he killed his attending’ and i was just like ‘damn bro ill cheers to that’

- that’s literally ava’s first line actually. “i heard your girlfriend went insane and you murdered your attending.” - which was why she was hated at first. that was literally her first line to connor which is like, so hilariously rude that it was instantly iconic.

-also HAHAHAHAH CUE FUCKING ANGST ABOUT CONNOR HURTING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WTF BRO THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON PEOPLE

- but i’m also sad now. --- “I heard your girlfriend went insane.” Oh. Oh, sweetie. Ava... No. --- but why does s2 ava (all two lines) foreshadow s4 ava in so many ways. like literally what were the writers on.

-baghdad.

-ah yes. the return of baghdad. been a long time since i heard that one, but it is easily one of my favorite running things about med. its just a little detail but the nick name is like perfect. (when i read fanfic where the chars are actually doing doctor stuff in the hospital it makes me light up) the WORLD BUILDINGGGGG. but whatever

-this is the girl who has the fake baby right? that was a really good ep (bc sarah content. can you see my favorites? for the same reason the one where the girl has split personalities easily ranks high with me.) oh wait this is the one where the dad like dies but then comes back for a split second to see his grand child. there’s not really a lot I can say about that, but the fact that i remember it vividly is... weird.

-okay but I actually love the ED in this show. I love how the show is centered around the ED and not the OR like greys. its fast paced, you see a lot about the characters really quickly (one of the reason’s connor’s intro to the hospital in the pilot is certified iconic in my mind [his interactions with will are gold]). the team works well together (usually, when things are good. - which is another reason I hated the show more as time went on. The personal lives interfered more and more and more with their work as time went on. it got so annoying). but like right here will just calls maggies name and maggie is just On It. I love it. I love the fast pace. it’s why this show got me to come back. so many things happen, it overloads my brain, like the way a video game works y occupying all of your attention.

-when is the dad gonna pass out i’m just waiting

-AHAHAHAHAHA JEFF NOOOOO. what even was the deal with jeff that storyline annoyed me so much I never got it. he was friends with nat’s husband (who died) and they were both named Jeff? and she actually ended up getting with Jeff a few times?

- the more you watch med and see how the characters get with each other, the more jaded you become

-omg they’re transferring the girl to the bed i love it when they count

-maggie was great but from what i heard/read they ruined her character too??? just not the same

-lmao only real g’s remember the chicago fire backdoor med pilot (if you want an explanation ask me lmao it was a ride)

- i was a real med simp bc I bought that episode on apple video.

-ahahaha this is so stupid. Jeff tries to do things and Will (being a fucking asshole and jealous, doesnt’ let him). he’s a med student let him fucking learn. also i remember why i hated will

-okay but if you look at greys vs. med, greys literally gives their med students no rights. scratch that. they give they’re interns little to no rights. (i only watched the last three seasons bc lesbian, but in those seasons they introduce the bottom of the totem pole, the sub I’s, who are a step ahead of med students, yet they are jokes on the show.) its just a weird juxtaposition is all.

-”lungs are wet.” dramatic music intensifies.

-OKAY BUT I LITERALLY FORGOT NATALIE SPECIALIZED IN PEDS. LIKE I COMPLETELY 100% FORGOT. HOLY SHIT THATS SO FUNNY i can’t believe in my mass hyperfixation i forgot, just more proof that she doesn’t deserve anything.

-why did will make nat do that call? also idk why but is it weird to anyone else when the characters call each other but just.. their names.

-ahahahah i laugh literally everytime i remember that will is supposed to be in charge like he is threatened by anything that MOVES. (also more juxtapositon to greys bc here the attendings are treated as a joke!)

- hly shit i just remember monday mourning and god damn the angst literally never takes a day off but whatever.

- i dont usually get like this but the dad’s acting here is actually making me sad lol. Usually i get annoyed when family members get emotional (im weird uhhhh)

-why did we have to watch the tube being put in for so long - med is so dramatic this fucking show whyyyy

- i bet u the dad is gonna pass out

-oh ig not oops

-OKAY FUCK ME THAT LITERALLY ONLY TOOK US TO THE TITLES HOW DO I HAVE THESE MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS.

-wait latham introduction we may just be able to call it here.

-haha i fucking hate him (connor). he just... comes off so fake-charming its annoying. i cant get over it lmao

-okay but literally every gives connor shit and I am here for it. Latham: “did you kill him?”

- it is literally so funny but annoy how connor throws hands with literally everyone in his path (like dude just chill come onnn)

-okay. okay. okay. finally the part i was waiting for.

- Latham: I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur, but I was outvoted.

That’s an actual quote, from Latham. For those who are wondering, Groote Schuur is a famous hospital in, you guessed it, South Africa. This is where I’m calling the episode. This is all I needed.

I just want to restate. This is the first episode of season 2. Ava Bekker is introduced to the show in the last episode of season 2. What does this mean, my friends? It means everything.

For those of you who stuck through to the end, I am very thankful. Here we have probably the first piece of evidence to my theory, at least chronologically.

I, personally, think it’s absurd I remembered this point, but I did. That point, that line, presently, watching this episode with no idea of what the future holds, is only there to tell us that Latham and Connor are not going to agree. But this is the single greatest piece of foreshadowing med has ever done.

Med has never planned anything. I feel confident when I say that. Look at their storylines. They are literally on fire, and every decision the characters make reads like the writers going ‘we have no idea how we made it this far, we thought we would get stopped like ten steps ago.’

When has med ever planned things more than a few episodes in advanced, honestly? Almost never, and going a full season sitting on a plot point, that’s major. This was the first time med has ever planned something miles in advance.

In all honestly, yes I am probably giving the med writers a lot more credit than they deserve. It’s quite possible that as the season progressed they just decided connor needed a new love interest or at least a new dynamic, so they could have just easily looked back and thought ‘oh, hey, here’s a fun little thing we said earlier in the season, wouldn’t it be fun if it paid off?’ That could be true.

Here’s why it probably isn’t. The med writers have no respect for their own continuity. you really think that, in order to come up with a whole new character, they went back to the first episode of the season and paid off a line that is said in less than 2 seconds? no way. Bull. Shit.

honestly, it is probably equally unlikely that either of these things happened. The med writers don’t look back at their story. It’s true, but they also don’t plan things in advance either.

here’s the thing, the more i write, the more absurd it starts to sound. Yeah. Sure. the med writers sat on a character for an entire season, that’s totally a thing that happened and not sarcasm. When pigs fly. everyone knows med is impulsive and messy. But what I am saying is that they planned one thing. One thing.

Ava has an accent. That was a commitment. A pretty uncommon one too. South Africa is such an out of the box choice that god its barely on the map. It asks a lot of someone to act hard while also doing an uncommon accent. If the med writers just decided they needed to give connor a new dynamic, they could have made it a n y o n e. Yeah, sure it would have been nice to have the latham dynamic with the new character, but it would have been so much easier to just create a new character that doesn’t have such a commitment. We all know people who play opposite of Connor Rhodes do not stay around that long.

There is absolutely no reason Connor’s s3 love interest had to be the girl from South Africa. It could have literally been anyone. They could have kept Robin on. They could have made the new character not have so many specific requirements.

At this point, I’m pushing this really hard. Yeah, obviously Ava was planned from the beginning of s2. She had to be. It’s way too specific to be anything else.

What I’m pointing out here is med has never done that before. (at least to my knowledge, if i’m wrong please tell me i don’t want to be a fool) They have never had such a concrete plan for a character, so much as to tease them a full season before they were introduced.

I’m saying, that Ava was special. She was the only character who was teased ahead of her arrival. The one who they knew they wanted, other than the originals, and honestly saying the ‘knew what they wanted to do with the originals’ is being generous. But Ava was different. They had big plans for Ava.

It’s undeniable. Ava was the only character who was planned and teased ahead of her arrival. Ava has such a different style and character than anyone else on the show. She was always planned to be, even when she was just being teased, a rival to connor, meaning she could stand her own against him (or without him).

Now of course, the med writers forgot this when writing s4 and s5. But for the purposes of the important things, all that really matters are the two mentions in s2, and what happens in s3. (for the theory at least).

In conclusion: think about how odd it is that Ava was the only character that was planned over the course of the show. Like sure the characters are planned, but never this far in advance. Med writers don’t really plan anything. I would be shocked if they did anything but through a dart at a spinning wheel. But they had plans for Ava, and they had plans for s3, when she was good.

Think about how odd it is that the med writers had a character planned from the start of s2, that they sat on for a whole season. They never, ever did something so slow and deliberate. Never. It goes against their formula. Like a fucking shark, they have to be moving or they die, at least in their heads. But Ava was always a change to the formula. They had a plan for s3.

that’s it for now. we will see what happens when i watch the last episode of s2.

read the next parts:

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #mine #soul care #ava bekker

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brianandthemays · 6 years ago

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Love is a Polaroid (Roger Taylor x reader) Part 14

A/N Welcome back! Did you all enjoy chapter 13?? hehehe

Thank you so much to @sweet-ladyy for always reading and editing these chapters. She’s the best and deals with all my crappy 1am writing and stupid spelling errors!

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Drinking, Mentions of Drugs, Angst I guess?, Some sexual situations

Masterlist

_________________________________________________

Things were hard. At first they seemed impossible. At first, you just cried. Cried to Katharine, cried to Freddie, cried by yourself in the shower. You thought about calling Roger several times. Usually around midnight, exhausted and desperate for his voice and touch. Then, Fred and Katharine convinced you to leave your house and get your mind off of things. So you delved into school, work, anything to keep your mind off of Roger.

Finals came and went, you helped Katharine move into her new flat near her new job, and you watched as one by one, the people you cared for left you to start their lives. Leaving you alone at the beginning of your final year of university. It was the beginning of the school year, you sister was there helping you go through your things.

“A major cleanse,” is what she said. “A fresh start.”

She was deep in your closet, leaving you to go through your drawers. There was a pile of clothes behind you, a box of knick knacks and other things that you were preparing to give away. As you opened the bottom drawer, you noticed a box that you didn’t recognize. You grabbed the box and pulled it out of the drawer, turning out around to see any indication of what it was. You opened the box and your breath left your body. In the box was all the polaroids you had of Roger.

Immediately you felt your eyes begin to grow wet. You brought up the first picture, a picture of him with his pinky up his nose, making a goofy face at the camera. You let out a breathy laugh as you looked at the picture before covering your mouth to suppressed the sob that was building in your throat. You went through the pictures quickly. Flicking through pictures of him sleeping, on his drums, making a face, pictures of the two of you smiling and looking so happy. Six months of a relationship shoved into this box. You must have gone through 40 pictures by the time you reached the bottom. Out of all the pictures, the one stuck at the bottom was the one that really shook you. The picture you’d taken of him that early morning in his study. The first picture you’d kept from him.

That was such a long time ago, and things always seem better in picture, but they can’t fill the void in your heart. You clutched the pictured tightly in your fingers, staring at his soft features. You were hit with an overwhelming amount of hurt and longing for him. But he was gone. Freddie and Brian had come over to say goodbye before they left on their tour of college pubs a few weeks ago. And you stake your life on the fact that he never wanted to see you again. You traced his face with your fingers, remembering the moment vividly.

“You found anything good?”

Your sister’s voice snapped you out of your trance. You quickly wiped the stray tears that had fallen down your cheeks and put the pictures back into the box. You shoved the box back into the drawer, throwing some clothes on top, knowing that if Katharine saw it she’d make you get rid of it. You closed the drawer and stood up quickly, slipping the picture of Roger into your pocket.

“Um, no, just a lot of clothes.” You put on a smile as she came out of the closet. “You?”

She shook her head, wiping her hands on her legs. She looked over at you and raised her eyebrows.

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying,” she questioned, bringing her thumb to wipe your cheek.

“What? Oh yeah, just… emotional giving away some of this stuff,” you lied, pursing your lips, hoping she believed you. She stared at you a moment longer before looking away.

“Okay, well. I think we’re good for today. Let’s go get some dinner, yeah?” She rubbed your arm a moment before walking out of your room.

“Okay, I’ll be right there.” You leaned into the doorway watching her leave before running over to your bed and pulling the picture of Roger out of your pocket. You bit your lip as you looked at it a moment before sliding it into the book sat next to your bed. And there it sat. As months went by, and as you finished college alone. Through all your rough patches, and your lows the picture sat there. Your little secret. FIVE YEARS LATER

“Freddie, are you sure this is a good idea?” you whined over the phone, grabbing a pair of shoes and sitting on your bed.

“Of course it is darling! You’re the best there is!” His voice flooded over the phone line, loudly and unabashedly, causing you to lean away.

“Fred, you know I’m honored that you would offer me this job but--”

“No buts! Miami is paying you double what your last company was and you get to work with me everyday!” he barreled over you and you huffed.

“But I also have to work with him.”

It had been five years since you had even seen Roger in anything more than pictures. Five years since you broke up and five years since you’d tried to move on. And four years since you had.

Upon graduating you were hired at a small music production company to do PR for a small band called The Jesters. Though the band never went much further than small gigs, you managed to get them radio interviews as well as ads in the paper. You began moving up the chain until you were starting to be courted by larger bands. Bands like Fleetwood Mac, and Pink Floyd.

But, just as you were setting up to start a contract with Fleetwood Mac, you received a call from the one and only Fredrick Mercury demanding that you come work for Queen. You were hesitant at first, not wanting to reopen any old wounds that may not have healed fully from your break up with Roger. But then he offered you a salary you just couldn’t refuse and that was it.

Tonight, he was insisting that you come to the release party of their newest album. The album he was sure was the one to send them into fame forever. A Night at the Opera. He’d sent you a dress and shoes and everything trying to convince you to come.

“Oh, hush, that was six months five years ago,” Freddie soothed over the phone. “Now I expect you to come, and have fun, and get wasted, okay?”

“I’m not getting wasted, Freddie.”

“Oh the boys will be so happy to see you.” You rolled your eyes, seriously doubting that any of them had thought of you since Uni. “Brian and I were just talking about you the other day.”

“Oh you were, were you?” You placed the phone between your ear and your shoulder as you reached down to slip on your shoes.

“Just talking about how successful you've been.”

Flattery, of course. His go to tactic for anytime he really wanted you to do something. You sighed heavily, making sure he heard your annoyance.

“Yeah, so successful and still drowning in student debt,” you muttered. “Okay, Fred I’m coming over. I’ll be there soon.”

“Oh fantastic, darling! I cannot wait! Door’s open!”

And he hung up. You shook your head as you hung the phone up on the hook. You glanced over at the book sitting next to your bed. You slide it off the bedside table and held it in your lap, smoothing your hand over the cover. Then you opened the cover and there, tucked in the front was that picture. The same picture of Roger you’d kept for 5 years. You sighed and shook your head, not quite believing that you were going to see him again. You slammed the book shut and threw it aside, standing confidently. You looked good, you were successful, you were happy. Nothing could go wrong.

You could hear the party from down the street. You had to park around the corner from the amount of people parked up and down the street. You walked up to the door and found it partially open. You peeked inside and your eyes widened at the festivities going on. This was no college party or some small bands release party. This was a Queen sized party.

“Holy shit,” you breathed out. The music was loud and pounding and there were throngs of people dancing, smoking, drinking. There were men sniffing cocaine of the thighs of scantily dressed women. The moment you stepped into the room, a man dressed in a white button up and a black vest shoved a flute of some liquid into your hand.

“What… what is this?” You brought it to your nose and sniffed it. But when you looked back up the man was gone. You sipped it, cringing at the taste but taking another sip nonetheless. You began your self tour of the house. You wandered around, room after room of people drinking and partying in every room. Everytime you got even halfway done with a drink, a man would come and take the drink from your hand and replace it with a full one. You still weren’t sure what it was but every flute seemed to taste better than the last, and you could feel the tension leaving your shoulders.

You made it into a room in the back. There was a large piano and even more people dancing and shouting conversations over the loud music. You had yet to run into anyone of the boys from the band and were just thinking about heading home and quitting while you were still aware of your surroundings. But just as you were backing away, you felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around you.

“(Y/N)!” Freddie’ familiar voice filled your ears. “It’s been too long! You look marvelous!” He held you out at arms length, looking you up and down, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“Fred!” you yelped, taken aback by his sudden appearance. His reeked of alcohol and his eyes were misted over, meaning he was probably high as well. “Hi! Wow, hello!”

“You are too sober, darling,” he demanded, removing your half drunk flute from your hand and shoving his full one into your hand. “Go into the kitchen and find yourself a drink.” He pushed you towards a hallway. “And then come dance!”

You turned back around and addressed him. “Freddie, I’m not really feeling well ,whatever this is, is really getting to me.”

But Fred was having none of it, he flicked his arms around aimlessly as he pushed you back towards the hallway. “Yes! And it’s not enough, now go go.”

With that he flounced off, leaving you standing alone in the hallway, grumbling to yourself. You began to search for this supposed kitchen that existed open and closing doors at random. You swear you had opened about twenty closets and 3 bathrooms but hadn’t found a single kitchen. A little further down the hallway you heard noises coming from on that sounded like faint talking. You walked down to the door and knocked lightly before opening.

Inside, was a sight you wish you could permanently erase from your mind. The door opened into a bathroom and sitting on the counter was a woman with long black hair shoving the face of a man into her skirt, moaning loudly with her eyes clenched shut. You gasped and found yourself unable to look away from the scene. The woman glanced over at you shrieking and pulling the face out of her skirt. The man looked surprised and when you realized who it was you felt your stomach drop along with your mouth. He realized at the exact same time as you and his face matched yours.

“(Y/N)?” Roger’s voices as hoarse and his face was slick from the wetness of the woman.

“I- oh my- I was just--” You were horrified, slamming the door quickly and continuing down the hallway. At the very end was the door that opened into the kitchen. Suddenly, getting wasted didn’t seem like such a bad idea. You grabbed a shot glass, grabbed the drink closest to you and pour a hefty amount into the flass, downing it quickly before beginning to pour another. You heard the door open just as you were finishing the shot. Knowing who it was, you really did not want to turn around. So instead, you began to pour another shot.

“(Y/N).” You closed your eyes, trying to pretend that you hadn’t just walked in on Roger fucking Taylor giving another girl head in a bathroom at his album release party. All the confidence you’d built up to come here tonight came crashing down in a matter of seconds. “(Y/N), please look at me.”

So you took a breath, and let it out, turning around to face him slowly. You put on a smile, and tried to make it reach your eyes.

“Roger! Hi, how are you?” You tried desperately to make your voice sound enthusiastic but you weren’t sure it was working.

Roger raised an eyebrow at you, clearly seeing through your fake smile and voice. “Hi… I didn’t think you were going to be here.” He relaxed his shoulders slightly and leaned against the door.

You nodded slowly, the world seemingly going in slow motion. “Well, here I am.” You sipped on your shot, cringing at the taste before slamming it back.

You stared at each other for a moment and you took the time to really look at him. His hair was a little longer, and much more blonde, or maybe that was the alcohol in your system, but, you guessed that he had dyed it at some point. His face had become more angular, not as soft as it was before. You wanted to reach forward and touch him feel his hair and his skin. It looked rough, he probably wasn’t taking proper care of it and you wanted to help. But you just couldn’t.

“You look good,” he commented, looking you up and down. You shifted, straightening out your dress more, feeling proud of yourself. The liquid confidence you’d just down was loosening you up as well. “And you’ve been doing well.”

“Yeah, so have you,” you returned. “I really liked Sheer Heart Attack.”

His eyes lit up and his showed you a real smile. You felt your stomach flutter at that smile. The smile that you haven't seen in forever. “You’ve been listening to our music?”

“Of course, I always liked your music.” You gave him a small smile, remembering all the times you would go and watch them perform. You glanced at the door behind him, expecting someone else to walk in on you two. “So… was that your girlfriend?”

“No!” He answered, almost immediately. “No, I don’t even remember her name.” After the words left his mouth he seemed to deflate, regretting them quickly. “I mean… I just... “

“Roger, it’s okay,” You reached out and touched his arm. He looked down at where your fingers touched his sleeve. “You can do whatever you want, with whoever you want.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking back over at you. You removed your hand, suddenly feeling like you were drowning in the tension created in the room. You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth wishing you could be far away from here. By this point, the several drinks, and shots had settled into your systems, heating up your body. You turned around again, looking for some liquor to cool yourself down with.

“No, that’s not what I meant, (Y/N).” He moved around to stand next to you, watching as you grabbed and mixed whatever alcohol you could find.

“Is it getting hot in here? Or is that just me?” you chuckled, nervously. You brought your drink to your lips, letting the drink slip down your throat.

Roger’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched you. In all the time he’d known you, you never really drank much. Maybe a cup of beer after your shift but nothing like this. He grabbed your wrist from where it was holding your drink to your mouth and pulled it away from your lips. “Let’s put down the alcohol and get you some water okay?”

“No,” You shook your head quickly. “I need this.” You shook his hand off of your wrist, your drink sloshing in its cup before your brought it back to your lips, taking another large sip. “And you, can’t tell me what to do.”

Roger raised his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t trying to, love.”

“You know…” You raised a drunken finger at him, watching as it wavered in the air. “I’m very successful. I’m good at my job. Really good. Stevie Nicks had lunch with me because she wanted to convince me to work for her.”

You took another sip, slamming the empty cup down on the counter. Feeling the consequences of 3 shots and a large cup of random liquors quickly take effect.

“But I said NO!” Your voice was raising and Roger was beginning to feel uneasy. “Because of you.”

He looked surprised, his eyes widened as he looked at you. “What do you mean because of me?”

Before you could answer, another person walked into the kitchen. Roger didn’t recognize the man; He was tall, with dark greasy hair and a rather plain looking face. He was just about to dismiss him when he watched you throw yourself into his arms.

“Richard! Look who I found!” you all but shouted at the man.

Roger narrowed his eyes at this ‘Richard’, realizing that he had some sort of relationship to you. Richard caught you easily, looking between you and your tipsy state and Roger who was becoming more confused by the moment.

“Roger Taylor?” Man this man’s voice matched his face. Plain and boring. “I’m Richard, it’s great to meet you.”

“Sure,” Roger replied, furrowing his eyebrows. “And you are?”

“Oh I’m--”

“He’s my boyfriend, Rog!” You slurred, voice soft.

Boyfriend. The word Roger was terrified to hear you say. Though it was silly of him to think you had stayed single for 5 years, he certainly hadn’t, it was still the small hope he had in the back of his mind. But apparently, a lot of things had changed in 5 years.

��“He works for this paper company, he did a year in Japan in college, we met at this mixer and he’s, like, totally funny and cool, Rog,” you rambled

Richard laughed nervously, patting your back softly. “I don’t think Roger cares, dear.”

You frowned, your lips pouting as you looked at Richard. You pushed yourself off of him and stumbled into Roger, looking up at him with big eyes.

“You care, don’t you Rog?” you whispered, finally reaching up to touch his hair. It was so bouncy, bouncy like a flower. “Roger, you’re hair is so bouncy, bouncy like a flower.”

Roger’s eyes flashed looking down at you. A wave of emotions rolling through him. He wasn’t sure how to answer, and he wasn’t sure you’d even remember anything about this party.

“I think I should take you home, dear.” Richards took her by the shoulders and dragged her away from Roger.

“But you just got here.” You furrowed your eyebrows, creases forming in your forehead. You learned your head against his chest, suddenly feeling really heavy. “You need to meet Roger”

“Dear, you need to come home with me,” Richard persuaded. “I just met Roger, he’s very nice, we need to go home now.”

He slipped an arm around your waist and started to walk with you away from Roger. But just before walking out of the kitchen, Richard turned around and held out his hand to Roger.

“It was great to meet you,” he said to Roger. Roger glanced at the man warily, before taking his hand. He felt Richard’s grip tighten slightly and he looked at him, eyes narrowing as Richard continued. “She’s told me a lot about you.”

Then Richard released Roger’s hand, before walking off down the hallway.

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