#I mean I can see that this is the dvd case I already own and not a working puzzle box

[synthapostate]

Excuse me?

[milkyboybluewriter]

The Disappointing Case of Wendy Corduroy

Wendy Corduroy has a lot of potential, but too often is pushed to the side by a lot of fans, and even by her creator.  But not for lack of trying, or an interest in the character.  In fact, Alex’s idealised view of Wendy may have been her greatest obstacle in receiving a story of her own.  Dipper isn’t the only one who seems to consider her ‘the coolest person he knows.’

Wendy was inspired by the first girl who ever spoke to Alex Hirsch, as well as several people the creative team thought were cooler than them. These were likely special memories or people in order to base a fictional character on them.  But that puts her on a pedestal.  And when someone puts you up there, it’s hard for them to take you back down.  Either for fear of ruining you or concern that, when others look closer, they’ll be disappointed in what they see.

He wanted her to be a main character (in the same way Soos is, if not Stan, Dipper, or Mabel) but in many ways Wendy feels like a side character.  She never receives her own episode, and lacks the character arc that even some side characters like Pacifica and Robbie received.

Her family, her friends inside the Shack and out, her physical abilities and survival skills, the drama of being a teenager, not to mention being a resident of the weirdest place on Earth.  All of these can lead to a hundred stories across the spectrum.  So why do people not write more stories about her?

Maybe it’s because she wasn’t given the opportunity that others had.  

As a cool, older redhead, Wendy’s main role in the show was being Dipper’s crush.  Which already puts her at a disadvantage because it means they designed her purpose first, character second. In fact, this is probably why she changed so drastically from her vegan-hippie prototype seen in the Gravity Falls bible.  Everything from her boots to her hat has changed since then, save the way she makes Dipper’s heart go faster.  

Most of her appearances in season one featured this one-sided romance and Dipper’s attempts to impress her, which usually resulted in a morality lesson about being yourself and not doing dumb stuff to impress others.  Pretty standard cartoon crush territory.  But between the episodes, a real friendship bloomed. 

In The Time Traveller's Pig, she gives an indifferent shrug as she casually agrees to go to the fair with Dipper, yet before her injury - and in the timeline where she avoids it altogether - she’s shown to genuinely enjoy his company.  A couple of episodes later and she’s outright excited at the prospect of working alongside Dipper at the pool.  They have regular movie nights.  They crack jokes and tease the Shack’s customers.  Climb trees and play at the arcade.  Wendy spends more time with Dipper than any other character.  Which means she must care about him more than she does the rest.

The crush might be one-sided but the affection is not.

But in the DVD commentary of Into The Bunker, Alex Hirsch, Matt Chapman, and Rob Renzetti mention that fan feedback convinced them to end Dipper’s crush sooner rather than later, even supposedly having ‘KILL THE CRUSH’ as one of their main story goals for season 2.  Understandable.  The crush episodes weren’t always the best, and if it was always intended as an unrequited attraction then better to get it over with rather than draw it out.  And it’s a good lesson to have a young boy learn, especially around twelve.  Love and puberty are relatable, but no less frustrating for it.

Into the Bunker is my favourite episode for multiple reasons, not least for Wendy’s presence in it.  She shows off her friendship with Dipper in the cold open, reveals her lumberjack and fighting skills later, and shows she would be an excellent adventurer.  I see it as a prime example of What Could Have Been.  I especially adore the ending, where she lets Dipper down so gently, it’s a beautiful scene.  As sad as Dipper feels, he’s also been told by someone very special to him that he’s very special to her too.  Maybe not in the way he wants, but perhaps in an even more important way.  

I had high hopes after that episode.  I remember thinking this meant she would develop beyond just being his crush, especially now we’d seen her hold her own against the weirdness and danger.  I really wanted to see more of this adventurous, sensitive Wendy we’d missed in season one, and wanted her to be a regular companion and friend to the twins.

Wendy appears in 16 episodes in the first season, and 15 episodes in the second if you don’t split Weirdmageddon 3 into two.  In season one she appeared in but didn’t participate in the adventure of key episodes like Dreamscaperers or Gideon rises.  In season two, she joins the adventure in Society of the Blind Eye, The Last Mabelcorn, and the Weirdmageddon trilogy, but has limited interaction or story impact in most episodes, save Love God.   She only has what amounts to cameo appearances in Not What He Seems and Tale of Two Stans, two of if not the most important episodes of the series.  

Including each of the Weirdmageddon trilogy, she’s referenced via Dipper’s lingering crush six times, including episodes she doesn’t even appear in.  So, after Into The Bunker, Wendy goes from being Dipper’s crush to…his crush that appears less.  

Wow, they really failed that Kill the Crush mission, didn’t they?

Perhaps the biggest issue is that she is so keenly tied to Dipper.  I love the Dipper and Wendy relationship, I could write a massive essay on that alone.  But it is such an incredible waste that she didn’t get a chance to interact with the others nearly so often. Every other main character has relationships with others.  Soos has a father-son bond with Stan as well as a friendship with the twins.  Ford was introduced later in season 2 and still interacts with Soos and Fiddleford as well as his family.  It’s a hindrance to her character that most of her interactions were for Dipper’s arc, yet she received nothing of her own.  

Wendy spends some time with Mabel, trying to help her with boy trouble (not the best person to get dating advice from, Mabel) in Hand That Rocks the Mabel and Society of the Blind Eye, then goes along with the girls to keep them safe in Last Mabelcorn.  This lets us see her affection and big sister vibes don’t end with Dipper, and should have been explored far more.  Her interactions with Soos and Stan are also limited, mainly to the workplace.  Her only dialogue with Ford is one line in Journal 3.  

Yet we also never see her be by herself.  We never see her home life, or how she entertains herself away from her friends or work. She's always interacting with a main character or her group of friends.  No alone time or personal interests are seen beyond pranks and reading magazines to avoid work.

We even get to see Robbie Valentino’s home life and musical hobbies, but not hers.

This lack of independent material has even continued in the Book of Bill where two of her very limited mentions is in regards to Dipper being stuck on a tree and another is his search history.  Even her own dream is made into a joke at Dipper's expense.  Ten years later, and so much of her is tied to Dipper, specifically to mock his feelings for her.  I don’t know if that’s more insulting to Dipper or Wendy at this point.

Speaking of dreams, let’s get to another issue: her mother.  Who we know nothing about.  In a show so heavily focussed on mysteries, the fate of Mrs Corduroy is a question that’s been left hanging since season one and we have come no closer to an answer of any kind.  Even a direct question from fans on both the Alex Hirsch and Bill Cipher AMAs were answered so vaguely they told us nothing.  She’s no longer with her?  A Fountains of Wayne reference?  Even the Book of Bill’s reveal that Wendy dreams about her most nights says nothing.  Are these good dreams?  Nightmares?  Memories?  The implication is that she’s dead, yet not even that has been confirmed.  For all we know, Mrs Corduroy could be dead, missing, abandoned her family, or could be working on an oil rig for the summer.  Your guess is as good as anyone’s by this point. 

We know she’s Manly Dan’s oldest and his only daughter, but we didn’t even learn her brother’s names until a paste up sheet was released in 2017.  She barely shares a scene with any of them, and when it happens it’s in the background.  The only exception I can think of is their group hug in the Fearamid.  A tender moment which would have been so much better if we’d actually seen her engage with them beforehand.  Her lack of interaction is especially jarring considering her confession in Society of the Blind Eye:  "Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7. Have you met my family?"

Not really, no.  And for a show that’s about family as much as it is about mystery, it’s a shame that Wendy is let down in both areas.  

Even side characters like Robbie, Pacifica, and Grenda receive more character development, despite their limited importance or screen time.  In fact, it was recently pointed out to me that Archibald Corduroy, Wendy’s ancestor, is more integral to Pacifica than his own descendant.  Once again, Wendy’s interactions come up short, including from her own family.  

With the release of the Book of Bill, some people were hopeful that she might finally get some attention.  I wasn’t.  Personally, I think Bill simply has a low opinion of Wendy anyway since he called her a pushover in his AMA, so it can be fitting he doesn’t mention her often.  But it’s also the context of these mentions, and those on the website.  On Thisisnotawebsite.com she’s referred to twice - Her one contribution is a simple note where she pranks the reader.  Then she’s mentioned in Stan’s list of embarrassing moments.  

Ten years later and not only are her contributions incredibly minor, but they’re as much to do with other people as herself, if not more so.  She’s supposed to be a main character but she might as well be a cameo.

Her lack of representation is so bad, that I realised my friends were celebrating her being mentioned in The Book of Bill.  That’s how desperate we’ve become for Wendy material.  And I’m sick of it.   At this point, I’m anticipating a Wendy story as much as I am Winds of Winter.

Last month I was discussing some of my writing ideas with my father.  And he gave me a very hard truth: it doesn’t matter how good your ideas are, if you don’t act on them, they’re only ideas.  And he was absolutely right.  It doesn’t matter how great these ideas are in my head, if they’re only in my head then what good are they? 

Hirsch has been saying for years he’s wanted to do more with Wendy, but he hasn’t. Not in the show, the comics, or the other material.  Intentions, like ideas, are useless if you don’t do something about them.

I honestly hate how harsh this sounds.  I love Gravity Falls.  And I love Wendy.  And I believe Alex Hirsch does too, he just…doesn’t know what to do with her.  As he says in the Inconveniencing commentary: “We wanted to honour her so much that we couldn’t figure out the right episode with her because we didn’t want to mess her up.”  He’s put her on a pedestal just like Dipper did.  And I think she needs to come down so we can see how awesome she really is.

So, what can be done to fix this?  Well, when creators don’t have the time, interest, or ability to do something for a series, that leaves the fans to fill in the gap.  

I urge other Gravity Falls enthusiasts to try and give her the attention and character development she sorely deserves, especially now there’s a resurgence of activity and interest.  Draw or write her if you can, have her interact with other characters, not just be a crush, explore her depths.  And if you can’t, seek out those who have or can and ask their advice, or thank them for their work, offer encouragement.  For Wendy if not for them.

I want to leave this on a happier note and say that I’m going to follow this up soon with another essay, this time offering advice on writing Wendy.  Even talented writers I admire have surprised me by saying they struggle to write her, yet I’ve found it pretty easy.  So hopefully I can encourage other people to write her too.   

But if I could summarise what I want to see and what I think will help people write Wendy, it would be this: She’s not just Dipper’s crush, and she’s not just the cool girl.  She’s bigger than that.

She’s Wendy Flippin’ Corduroy and she deserves so much more.

Cheers, Milky Boy Blue

[otomehonyaku]

DIABOLIK LOVERS Haunted Dark Bridal ☽ Genteiban DVD Mini Drama Translation ☽ Side Story IV (Ayato, Reiji, Subaru)

Original title: DIABOLIK LOVERS 限定版 SPECIAL DISK VI Side Story IV Voiced by Midorikawa Hikaru (Ayato), Konishi Katsuyuki (Reiji), Kondō Takashi (Subaru) English translation by @otomehonyaku Click here for the audio (thank you to @uzi-boozii for providing the audio!)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Please do not reuse or post my translations elsewhere or translate my work into other languages without my permission.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

With this translation, all the Haunted Dark Bridal mini drama have been translated! The three mini drama that came with the second season of the anime, More,Blood, are up next ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡ Please look forward to them!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[The scene begins after Subaru fed on Yui in the rose garden.]

00:00 [A loud crash sounds in the distance.]

Ayato: Subaru, what’d I always tell you? It’s way too noisy when you use so much force. Tch. Oh? This scent…? Subaru. Did you suck her blood? What’re you up to, gettin’ your hands on things that aren’t yours?

[Ayato shoves Subaru.]

Subaru: Shut up. She’s not just yours, Ayato. When the fuck was that decided?

A: If Yours Truly says it’s mine, then it is.

S: Heh. Keep on babbling.

A: The fuck did you say? Subaru. Who do you think you’re talking to?

S: Her blood isn’t your property, nor is it anyone else’s. It doesn’t matter who feeds on her.

A: Like hell it doesn’t!

[Ayato grabs Subaru by the collar.]

A: Listen up. Don’t bite her again without my permission. If you do, I’ll fuck you up.

S: Go ahead and try.

[Ayato lets Subaru go.]

S: Besides, I’m not the only one who’s after her blood. Anyone in the vicinity would want to taste her and make her theirs when her blood smells like that.

A: Anyone in the vicinity? Who the fuck else’s after Pancake?

S: Tch. You’re dense, as always.

A: Shut up and answer my question!

S: Fuck off.

A: You asshole!

Reiji: What is going on here? The two of you are too loud. Fighting and bickering like children. It would do you good to think rationally for once, but that begs the question whether your simple minds even know what the word ‘rational’ means…

A: Reiji. I don’t even know what you’re yapping about, but Subaru went ahead and got his filthy hands on my Pancake.

S: Heh. Is that all you can say now, Ayato? Stop repeating the same idiotic thing.

A: The fuck?

R: Ah, Subaru, mind your words. Ayato is right to be upset.

A: See? I told ya!

R: Besides, Ayato. You are the elder brother here, so please keep yourself in check.

A: Fuck off! Don’t order me around!

R: You too, Subaru. You broke the door again, I see… Please refrain from recklessly destroying our things.

02:27 S: What? What’re you meddling in my business for now?

R: I must.

A: And why’s that? Don’t you always tell us to solve our brotherly issues by ourselves?

R: Indeed. That is the case under normal circumstances. However, these are no circumstances for petty brotherly quarrels.

A: What do you mean?

R: Ah. I expected the two of you to already know, but… Ayato. Subaru. Would you look at yourselves in the mirror?

S: Huh?

A: Why?

[Ayato and Subaru look in the mirror. They are surprised by their reflections.]

R: Do you understand now? Your irises are bright-red. You are acting on the unconscious and you are no longer able to control your vampiric impulses.

A: How’d this happen?

S: This makes no sense…

R: It cannot be helped. Her blood is at fault.

S: So that means it’s true. Her awakening is near. 

R: It seems that way.

03:42 A: That makes sense, then. It’s completely different from when she first came here. Even when I only drank a little of her blood, I could feel the power coursing through my body. Almost as if my body wasn’t my own.

S: Yeah. I’ve never tasted blood like hers before. She’s damn near irresistible.

A: Hehe. I won’t hand her over to anyone else. I’ve never felt so strongly that Pancake’s blood is mine. 

S: Never, really? It doesn’t sound any different from what you usually say. You’re just raising hell as you always do.

A: Subaru. You’re pretty cocky for the baby brother of the family. Stop complaining about everything I say.

S: 'Cocky'? That’s lame.

R: Hold on, you two. Subaru. You said she is irresistible. Irresistible how, exactly?

S: Huh? Tch… I want to make her mine, but… there’s something about her blood that’s making me think that way.

R: I see. 

A: That’s the reason? Laito and Kanato tried to pick a fight with me for the same reason. So that means her blood’s driving all of us mad?

R: That seems to be the case. Her blood, so close to awakening, is strong enough to drive us mad. And the ones who know that full well are Richter… and Cordelia.

05:30 A: What?

S: Richter’s been here often lately. So that’s why?

A: They’re scheming something?

R: The fact that Richter showed up right around the time of her awakening is suspicious. It simply cannot be a coincidence. Whatever he is scheming, we cannot let the two of them do as they please. Besides… I wonder whether Richter and Cordelia even share the same goal. They might not. We must find out.

A: So Richter is doing that bitch’s bidding. They probably have the same goal.

R: I wonder about that, because if they share the same goal, they are certainly beating around the bush.

S: They wouldn’t be working together if they didn’t share the same goal, right?

R: If they shared a larger goal, even superficially, they could simply be siding with each other as allies. Well, whatever the case, they came to the Sakamaki house even though they have no reason to be here, so if their scheme involves us, I will not stand idly by.

A: I don’t give a shit about what they’re scheming, but the thought of letting them do as they please really pisses me off.

S: Yeah.

07:03 R: It seems as though you still have not realised the gravity of the situation, Ayato. This is not a matter of this house. It is a Sakamaki family matter.

S: What’s that, Reiji? Are you telling us to improve our brotherly relationship?

A: That’s clearly impossible. D’you eat something strange, Reiji?

R: Not at all. I should not have to tell you this, but of all people, I should know. I am all for solving issues by myself, but in this case, there is no time.

S: Huh?

R: She is just about to awaken.

S: Well, we know that.

R: Take a look.

[Reiji opens the curtains.]

R: A moon this red… I have never seen it before.

S: A blood moon…

R: Whatever the case, we must make a move quickly. Her awakened blood has us at her mercy. It takes all reason away from us. It even poses the danger of making us lose control of ourselves.

S: That’s because no sacrificial bride has ever lived to see her awakening until now. Are you saying we have no idea what we’re up against?

08:26 R: That, too, must be part of Richter and Cordelia’s plan. To make us brothers fight over her awakened blood and lure us into killing one another. It takes away the need for them to get their hands dirty.

A: Hm. Seems like something they’d cook up.

S: Richter only needs to drive Cordelia out of this mansion, though.

A: That’s difficult with that bitch on his side.

R: Heh, indeed. So long as they are limited to this mansion, we must exploit that limitation.

A: Exploit it how?

R: Considering that they are too incompetent to accomplish anything, it seems quite extreme for the Sakamaki family to be their target. I know a way–my own, personal way–to make them regret it.

S: Heh. That sounds just the same as your complaining. I also feel a big change coming on, though. However, that doesn’t mean I’ll get along with you. I’ll do this my own way.

A: Hey, Subaru. Where’re you going?

[Subaru leaves the room.]

09:45 A: Huh. He straight-up ignored me. He pisses me off. Fuck. Ah, I’m fucking parched…

R: Did you not feed on her just now? Is her blood really driving us mad after all?

[Ayato starts to walk away.]

R: Ayato. Where are you going?

A: Fuck off. Where I’m goin’ is none of your business.

[Ayato leaves the room.]

R: Good grief. It seems impossible for us brothers to work together. Oh, well. I have never put much faith in their strength to begin with. I will do this my own way.

[Reiji heads into his laboratory. He is brewing something.]

R: If I can succeed in making this tincture, then… Heh. I will not let them do with her as they please any longer.

[syndrossi]

resonant ch28 dvd commentary

Favorite line(s):

Daemon cradled him to his chest, rocking him as though doing so might take them back to his first moments of life, fresh from the womb and bellowing fury at the world. I was not there for his first breath. I cannot live to see his last.

Sobbed like an absolute mess writing Jon's death, but especially this part. Daemon already has so much bottled-up grief and regret over missing their childhood and infancy, there's something absolutely gutting about him rocking Jon in his arms, like the baby he never held, trying to coax life back into him, this twisted parallel to holding a stillborn child, life snuffed too soon.

And the despair at living to see that moment, at wanting to die before seeing it. (Only to "realize" later that the only way either of them could have died alone like that would have been if he weren't there to protect them.)

Favorite detail(s):

Probably all the hidden meaning and hints/clues scattered throughout the vision? I haven't seen anyone pick up on the bigger (in terms of revelatory rather than being obvious) ones yet, but they're there to read back over later and be like "ohhhh." Or to reread and see if you can tease them out!

One thing I thought about a lot, and wanted to remain consistent about, was the limitations of whoever is sending the visions. The only things they have "seen" is Jon and Rhaegar's deaths, though it's unclear how. (Did the candle extract them from Jon's nightmares? Did the sorcerers peer into their possible futures before stealing them away?)

So that means Baelon's and Aemon's deaths were not visions they could have constructed, they had to have come from somewhere else. Daemon was there for Baelon's death, so it's easy enough to recreate that from his memory. But where did Aemon's death come from? That's sort of the linchpin, if Daemon ever fully remembers the visions. Showing him his father's death doesn't mean Jon's and Rhaegar's deaths were anything other than illusions meant to manipulate him. But the details of Aemon's death felt very vivid, very accurate--if Daemon were to confirm that, he might be forced to accept the other visions.

(So...where did Aemon's death vision come from?)

Uuugh there's so much I want to talk about with the visions and the stuff just before/after the visions, but it risks getting spoilery. Best I can do is suggest that people read and reread the candle's/warlock's/sorcerer's words.

Favorite dynamic:

Oh no, this is hard to pick. I actually loved writing the first scene with Daemon and Viserys. The whole: "Am I one of your problems?" "Do you know how to be anything but?" exchange was another favorite of mine for its breathtaking sharpness, and Viserys's immediate regret afterward. Ironically, I thought that this scene might be one to soften people a bit toward Viserys, but the candle has worked its spell quite well, with most taking the candle's side on the matter.

Viserys is, on the surface, someone constantly getting in his own way, barely more than competent at his job on a good day, and he doesn't have many good days anymore. And he's trying to juggle the mess of the family politics/division on top of everything else, including the Volantis wrinkle and sudden prophecy children + uncertainty over what to do there other than hope Daemon can make more, preferably girls.

He seems like the architect of his own loneliness and isolation, but it's not just him. You have spiders like Otto who benefit from him being isolated and encourage it. Would Otto prefer that Viserys show obvious favoritism towards Aegon? Sure, it would help his case. But his hands-off approach means that Otto can mold Aegon and Aemond to the future he wants.

And then there's the chronic, pervasive pain and fatigue which sap his strength/will and make it easier not to fight. To not steel himself for the conflict of a family supper and instead take the dreamwine so that he can stop hurting for the day. When he's not drinking dreamwine, he's drinking wine, which has a similar numbing effect.

The greatest irony is that in this scene, we get Viserys entrusting various responsibilities to Daemon, a gesture that actually means something. He's letting Daemon choose tutors (usually the queen's job) and he's letting him lead the candle investigation (usually something he'd probably let Otto do). They're fumbling toward an understanding, with Daemon recognizing his loneliness and attempts at connection, and Viserys choosing to trust Daemon--

And then the candle sidles in, determined to nip that in the bud.

Runner up dynamic is the dynamic duo of the twins at the very end, triaging Daemon and prescribing immediate cuddles and a lullaby. Rhaegar is more accustomed to a despairing, inconsolable parent, so he's able to take the lead here. He's also uninjured, so he can be a little more acrobatic than poor Jon.

Quick hitters:

We get a softer, older version of the cut HOTD scene where Daemon tries to convince Viserys to fly off with him on adventures/conquest. Daemon these days just longs for connection with his brother, so it's the Giant's Toe he offers instead as a refuge, with its childhood memories.

Jon is SO GRUMPY that Daemon left them with two Kingsguard to prevent escape. And the Cargyll brothers, no less, who are the most vigilant to shenanigans!

Another runner-up fave line(s) that made me chortle writing them: "Tiresome could mean many things. Merely contemplating Lord Reyne’s existence, much less interacting with him, was tiresome."

It's clear that Daemon's more than a little entranced even before the candle lights up, which is similar to how Rhaegar can get when he's "hearing" it.

This little gut-punch from @cloud-harasser's ao3 comment: "I also love how Daemon carries a piece of Aemon with himself always and feels him everyday in a way when he does his braids. I bet seeing Daemon on Caraxes with his braided hair haunts Rhaenys when the light is just right."

The death that Daemon is least affected by is Baelon's, which is mostly because he was there for it, and it was slow and drawn-out. He had time to prepare and even make his peace with it. He never got that closure with Aemon.

Aemon promising to help Daemon find a dragon when he returned. Only his body came back, and Daemon got Caraxes, so he did fulfill his promise in a way that Daemon never would have wanted.

Daemon's best internal sense of the vision is that he died early, some possible rebellion rose that resulted in Jon's exile and Rhaegar later fighting in it. Their dragons were either taken from them or lost early.

If the twins were overprotective of Daemon before, we are about to see them take it to new heights...

[thetinyadventurer]

Thought that made me sit straight up in bed and say “God damn!”: I first saw the trailer for Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire on a VHS tape of the movie Dinosaur. The next year, my parents bought our first ever dvd player and Atlantis was the first dvd we ever got. This was like in 2001/2002. The beginning of a new century and technology was already advancing at a rapid pace… Now we have streaming and such and, damn, do I feel old!

I also think it’s cool that they released Atlantis at the beginning of a new century while the movie took place in the previous century (1914). And it just blows my mind to realize how much of an influence this film had on me: This is the film that introduced me to my love for history (specifically the early 1900’s). Helga Sinclair’s little flip back onto the hot air balloon inspired me to try out gymnastics. Yes, with some help, I actually used to be able to do that on the bars.

Also, Milo-freaking-Thatch! This guy gave me hope in a time in my life where I was a scared and confused little kid. I just remember tiny me going into the first grade the previous year: Brand new school, I was grieving the loss of my cat/dealing with my first experience with death and on top of it all, was aware for the first time in my life that I was VERY different from other children my age. I didn’t get formally diagnosed with ADHD until a few years later but even as a child I knew I didn’t fit in at all. I liked things other kids didn’t, was extremely socially inept and god did I read a lot of books! Anyway, here I am, a neurodivergent little girl who felt excluded and isolated from the other kids and here comes this skinny, kind, brave goofball of a guy with an ancient journal and a dream to find the lost city of Atlantis! Here is Milo James Thatch struggling to fit in with the rest of the group and, at times, getting left out just like me! Here is a guy who’s trying his best to help and making mistakes along the way just like I was! And in the end he finds friends, his dream comes true and he becomes brave! And that was SO COOL as a child to have a character out there that shared similar struggles! He helped me not to feel so alone and I’ll always be grateful for that. Oh, and most of all he taught me to stand up and do the right thing.

Also I HAVE to give a nod to Kida and Helga. Kida influenced me to be kinder to people as a child. She befriended Milo, listened to what he had to say and they learned so much from each other. Kida taught me what it means to be a good friend to someone.

Besides inspiring me to try out for gymnastics, Helga made me want to be stronger. She made me want to stand up for myself. Also, as a little girl, I thought it was so cool to see a lady be out there with the guys, kicking butt and taking names. In an era where a lot of young boys told me “Oh, you can’t do that because you’re a girl!”, Helga helped me to grin and say: “Oh yeah? Just watch!”.

As an adult she actually helped me in a way I didn’t expect. As an adult, Helga REALLY made me think. In an odd way, I guess she’s an example of what happens when you go with the flow of things; When you stay silent in a situation and go along with it, even if you know deep down that it’s wrong. That there are consequences to every action you take and yes, standing by and doing nothing is also a choice. Also, be careful who you give your loyalty to; That you can give absolutely everything to somebody but that they might not be willing to do the same for you. Sometimes, people can and will throw you under the bus (or off the hot air balloon in Helga’s case) for their own gains. This is something I learned the hard way and I’m still recovering from it over twelve years later. But hey at least I didn’t fall several stories onto solid pumice!

Also, for the love of god, do NOT screw around with special things from other cultures. ESPECIALLY if you don’t understand its significance! You could end up as a living rock!

Lastly, real life adventures can be scary but they are SO worth it! It’s better to take chances, especially if you have a dream that you want to accomplish. It may be terrifying and you may hit rock bottom and sometimes you’ll downright fail but don’t let that stop you. If Milo can do it so can you.

Night all!

[essayofthoughts]

DVD Commentary ask game, from "A Whisper On My Shoulder"! --

“They’ve been naughty,” Gren says. “He told me. I won’t be naughty; I’ll be good.”

There’s such a childish certainty to his words. It makes some part of Percy twist in upset: he remembers Ludwig saying similarly, hoping desperately that if they were good, if they answered the questions, they would be let out of the cells, only bad people go in the cells-

Cass’ presence slides firmly between his thoughts and he pulls himself back into the present. As they watch, the golden-eyed child’s hand falls on Gren’s shoulder. The look the two share is easy to understand, that of an older child to the younger, let me deal with this. As they watch Gren nods and takes the book to return it to a shelf; the golden-eyed child hopping down from his chair and- changing.

He’s tall, as the- the illusion or shapeshifting or whatever it is, fades away. Tall and lean, lean enough it seems odd that he can so easily bear the weight of the burnished golden breastplate, though perhaps that’s a visual illusion with the long, dead-straight fall of black hair, stretching an already narrow face to look longer. He’s a proud, pale face, a narrow nose, shockingly dark eyes given the almost glowing gold of his child-form, a jaw a little wider that quite suits his face, but it suits the expression of annoyed disgust he’s wearing as he steps forward.

It’s only then, as he takes that step closer, that they see the chains, stretching from the breastplate to the necks of four of the children cleaning.

No wonder they can’t leave, Percy thinks. No wonder Mirrell was so sceptical they could do anything.

“Leave,” the eerie man says smoothly. “This is a place for children and happiness, not for-” and he gestures towards them with a long, golden-armoured arm “-grown adults like yourselves. You don’t belong here.”

“Nor do the children you’ve kidnapped,” Vax replies. “They belong with their parents, with their friends-”

“And what of those without parents?” the man asks. “Without friends.” He reaches out a hand to one of the chained children, his gauntleted hand gently caressing back wavy brown curls. He looks them over one by one. “Some of them have no place to go. At least here they are housed and clothed and fed.”

“And what about when you get bored of them?” Vex asks. “When they’re not happy or when they’re not children anymore?” She waves at the children toiling around them, hardly playing or happy, at Gren, warily staying away from the discussion. “When they’re not what you think they should be? What happens then?”

“Why, they are let free of course.” The man says it with such ease that Percy knows it to be a lie. “I wouldn’t keep them here any more than I mean to keep you here. Look, I’ll even give you a gift to send you on your way. I have plenty of fascinating books about all kinds of topics - wouldn’t you like to know about the powers of the Palestone? The limitations of undeath? Gods of secrets and the secrets they hold? There’s so much you might make use of - I could give you any book you wish.”

Keyleth and Vax are stubborn in refusal, Pike too, and Grog beside her is simply disinterested. Vex is interested though, at the least curious about the worth of such tomes, and he sees Tiberius’ face alight at the mere mention of one of his beloved artefacts.

“And what if,” Percy bites out, trying to keep his voice as steady as he possibly can, “The book I wish is a book that I print on the skin I flay from your back?”

--

I cheated and did more than 500 words :3c

Oh! So I was very much aiming for the kind of real life abuse you can see in cases with a significant power/experience differential, and the way in which abused kids or the abused party in any relationship can find a way to rationalise what was done, be that to them or another. Like. Gren's words are meant to be really uncomfortable, because by rationalising away the Dread Emperor's treatment of the other kids he is setting up the potential for his own self-rationalisation of it later - and kind of revealing the intrinsic authoritarianism of a monarchy, even if led by the best and best intentioned of people.

The Dread Emperor's depiction I was very much trying to invoke some of Michael Jackson's appearance? Because the cast describe the Dread Emperor as "Evil Michael Jackson". And, in some photos, Michael Jackson had a very wide but sharp jaw, and it's a very striking look! Meanwhile Percy, with his taste for aesthetics, gets judgemental because... he would.

The Dread Emperor's little speech and justification to VM is again the rationalisations of an abuser - and also trying to catch them off guard so he can, one way or another, remove them. It's also set up for other things! The Palestone is one of the artefacts Tiberius was after, the limitations of undeath is both relevant to Cass in this AU and a sneaking hint at the next things he offers - knowledge of gods of secrets and the secrets they hold, AKA Vecna.

But of course, Percy's gotta Percy and have a one-liner - that one is taken directly from the clipshow of some of their homegames and I have no idea if this was the context, but it's context that felt like it'd fit to me.

Send me ~500 words from a fanfic I've written and I'll give DVD Commentary-esque explanation of why I wrote it like that

[redlettermediathings]

It finally happened! The day that we received a package from Breen was the best day since the pandemic started. The slim package that arrived in our mailbox was like a little slice of heaven sent to us from above. A simple mailer that held the truth of which we sought. Cinema. Kino. Joy. I looked at the package, my brow sweating with anticipation. I pursed my lips as I often do in the delicious moments before sipping an ice cold beer. This was just as good. Maybe better. The mailer was that of a simple man. It wasn’t a fancy mailer. It wasn’t padded nor did it have a design on it. In fact, the mailer the DVD arrived in was a cut up cereal box held together with duct tape. I smiled and whispered to myself, “That’s the cup of a carpenter…”. It was here. We received the new Neil Breen film. Was this a Blu-ray? No. This was a DVD-R burned on a computer. I smelled the disc and the jewel case. It smelled like 2003. I cried at the beauty of the whole embarrassing ordeal. It was like a hug from an old friend who had long since passed. A friend you never wanted to see again or allow to hug you. In my hand I held the new Neil Breen film. I couldn’t wait to show the guys! I called Colin from Canada and told him to run to RLM HQ right quick to watch the film with us. He said, “oh, I’ve already seen it. It’s terrible.” And I called him a poutine-slurping, caesar-sipping canuck fuck and told him to get down here to Wisconsin right quick. He responded by saying, “I’ve got work and I’m watching my elderly neighbors diabetic cats and…” I just cut him off. I said, “Look you fucking prick, I have it. Let’s watch it!" So he did come down, albeit unwillingly. What are Neil Breen films? They are moopies made by a man who is the weirdest man to ever live. He’s the perfect oblivious filmmaker. Never getting better or evolving, only getting worse and more lazy and more old and more grandpa jeans. Neil Breen’s films are always about a loner man that has special skills or knowledge above all other humans. There is often a babe involved in his films, although the sexuality is awkwardly placed and seems forced. The women usually look incredibly uncomfortable at the notion of being in love or even attracted to Neil Breen. Likewise, any romance on his part seems obligatory. I guess the thought is that a movie needs “romance” so he must add “romance” But he’s no James Bond! Since this was Breen, we assumed this was worthy of a Best of the Worst™ Spotlight™ episode. It couldn’t simply be lumped into a regular three movie episode. Boy, were we fucking wrong. This pile of trash couldn’t have been more disappointing. Breen has gone too far this time with the green screens! Who does he think he is!?! Peter Jackson? George Lucas? James Cameron?!? I mean, sure you can use a green screen sometimes… if you’re making a fucking Avengers movie!!! But come on! Literally every background, outdoor location, and room is a stock image. A flat shot without movement. I can say that at the very least in some shots he created a foreground mask to make characters integrated into the frame by putting them behind objects, but really? While the story sucks, the acting is bad, it’s boring and shitty, it’s still a Neil Breen film and we have to love it as if it was our own cross-eyed inbred baby with no limbs. Anyways, while I have you here, I own a timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It’s in a nice part of town, but it’s basically a 1.6 million dollar shack. One of the owners killed himself recently and now I’m stuck with paying his part due to a legal snafu. I don’t quite understand it, but my lawyer Phillip Gorlon (no relation) tells me it’ll cost me more in legal fees to get out of this timeshare than to just keep it. I tells him that I’m strapped for cash at the moment, what with the cost of eggs, covid tests, etc… so my question to you is: Do you think Neil Breen might want to shoot his next film in the Cayman Islands?

[tinypinkmouse]

4, 16, and 18 for the behind the scenes fic asks if you'd like!!!

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

Usually I don't outline at all. I just start writing and see where things go. Sometimes if there's already a lot of story in my head and I'm worried I'll forget it before I can manage to write it all down I'll sort word vomit it all out in a some kind of stream of consciousness form. But that's more like... a very extremely rough first draft instead of an outline.

16. What is your most underrated fic?

All of the 34 of my fics with less than five kudos on ao3? But if I have to pick one I'll go with I Only Sink Deeper. It's a sci-fi au weilan derivative fic with Jiang Yang/Meng Shaohui. I mean sure it was a bit hastily written seeing as it was for whumptober and I write a lot of fic in a short amount of time for that. But I really like it and I think it deserves more than the one single kudo it's gotten.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

The very honest truth is I don't remember a single line of anything I've written. I might remember the general shape of a story, but anything more specific than that... I'll have to read it first. 😅 But, I remember I really liked the imagery of this one so let me see...

From Water Lillies

Shen Wei's arms are folded against the lakeshore, his chin resting on his arms. Zhao Yunlan glances over at him before turning a page of his novel. Then he tries to concentrate on the reading again, even with Shen Wei looking at him like that. He'd just appeared at some point and now he's been watching Zhao Yunlan quietly for a while.

For some reason, Zhao Yunlan hasn't quite dared say anything, feeling like Shen Wei might slip away again if he does. Finally, he closes the book, setting it down in his lap. He has no idea what he's been reading anyway.

"Isn't it boring just to watch me?" Zhao Yunlan asks, before finally looking back at Shen Wei.

Shen Wei's large black eyes blink once. Then he shakes his head a little.

The fic is an AU where Shen Wei is lake monster and Zhao Yunlan is a human who happens to be taking a vacation at a very isolated little lakeside cabin. It's a cabin in the woods, there also happens to be a lake in the woods. It's all trees growing right at the lakeside and soft damp moss and lillypads in clear water and... damn it I wish I was a lot better at describing how things look acrually. It's really pretty okay, just take my word for it.

There's a lot of Shen Wei watching Zhao Yunlan from the water. This is one of my favourites out of those because they're both just... doing their thing and existing quietly together while one of them happens to be a monster chilling in the lake. Okay so Zhao Yunlan might be having a bit difficulty doing his own thing when he really wants to be looking right back at Shen Wei.

The lake is plucked right out of my childhood memories. I do live in the land of a thousand lakes (a somewhat misleading translation, the original is more like thousands, which is more accurate) and there's a lot of lake scenery to take inspiration from. In this case the lake is pretty deep straight from the shore, so Shen Wei can easily hang out there and just fold his arms over the edge and watch Zhao Yunlan. The water is also very clear and cold and Shen Wei maybe wants to grab Zhao Yunlan by the ankles and drag him into the water but that would definitely not be good for Zhao Yunlan so he's not going to do that.

[genericpuff]

Very personal response, as someone who was right in that middle grey area of Millennial and Gen Z, I can attest to the loss of rewatch value for movies, and even shows and games, as a consequence of streaming services. I'm old enough to remember growing up with landline phones and VHS tapes and DVDs and home videos, but also young enough that I was still in middle school when the iPhone first released. I distinctly remember my big brother buying me a copy of The Wind Waker on Gamecube when I was like 7 years old (still one of my favorite memories, love you big bro) but also remember being 13-14 and getting the pants scared off me watching the first few episodes of Marble Hornets at my best friend's house on a much smaller version of Youtube, before the days of content creators, social media influencers, and Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorships. I remember learning how to draw from books like How to Draw Pokemon and How to Draw Disney Princesses that I got at school book fairs and book orders, but also from anime bases and tutorials on DeviantArt and RateMyDrawings.

And I can confidently say that the replay value of films and movies and games and entertainment media in general is one of the biggest things we've lost in the advent of streaming services. When I was a kid in a low income household that liked to play video games, I only had the games that I owned, meaning I'd often be replaying games from my limited collection that slowly built up over the course of many birthdays and Christmas seasons. If there was a game I really wanted to play but couldn't wait until Christmas or my birthday to get - or maybe it was on a console I didn't own - I'd have to rely on whoever I was friends with at school to either play it with them at their house, or trade one of my own games with theirs (this is actually how I wound up owning my Gamecube copy of Tales of Symphonia, which I loved so much that I kept borrowing it from my friend at school, until he finally just let me keep it years later as a gift because he wasn't interested in beating it and knew I'd get more fun out of it, thanks Edmund LOL). And when that all failed? Welp, guess it's time to crack open the bag of games that I have and see what I'm willing to replay. Half the time I wouldn't even actually progress the game, I'd just fuck around in the overworld making my own stories. Many hours I've spent riding around Hyrule Field on Epona and visiting towns to talk to the NPC's in Sylvarant.

And hoo boy, did this make the experience of buying new games a whole ass event. If you were lucky, you'd get a new game on Christmas or your birthday, in which case the worst of your waiting would be getting through the festivities until everyone left so you could hole yourself up in your room with your new copy of Pokemon Colosseum. If you were unlucky, you would get the chance to buy a game from the actual game store an hour away in the city, but then you'd have to be stuck in the car and god knows where else your parents dragged you while re-reading the instruction manual for Kingdom Hearts 2 cover-to-cover and begging them to just take you home already, what the hell do you mean we're staying for the weekend at dad's friend's place-

And yeah, this was often the case with movies too, we only had the movies we owned, oftentimes on VHS tapes in a box in the basement that we would dig through when the DVD's we owned weren't cutting it. There are movies that I'm still sick of despite my fond memories of them because we'd watch them back to back just to make the time pass, especially during summer vacation when school was out and there was nothing to fill the day with besides whatever entertainment we could make for ourselves. We had a couple family friends who knew their way around a computer and were able to pirate and burn DVD's for us, but that always came with video quality that would jump from high to low, and hilarious audio glitches that almost trained us to expect them in clean versions of the film when rewatching it years later, just for us to go "oh yeah, that was a bootleg copy of Hancock, the music isn't supposed to suddenly blip out and then blip back in during the credits". Other than that, there were rental spaces, but growing up in the sticks meant the selection of rental films was limited to whatever was available at the nearby family-run gas station and the library.

If any of this resonates with you, and you now find yourself in the position I do where you're more than willing to rewatch the same movies and shows you watched as a kid but find yourself completely uninterested and almost disconnected from the sensationalized artificial hype created by studios and streaming services like Marvel and Disney and Amazon, well let me assure you, you're not alone, it's not just you. Yes, we are getting old. Yes, we are experiencing much of the same disillusionment that our parents did and their parents did that comes from simply growing older. This is unavoidable.

But it's absolutely also still worth discussing the consequences of these changes, because as it stands right now, much of that disillusionment is being sped up by the effects of the exponential technological growth and oversaturation of media around us. I'm sure this could very well be a flawed comparison, but it makes me think of the things that have managed to survive even to this day compared to the things that came around in the height of the technological boom of the mid-2000's - newspapers were around for centuries and still managed to survive the rise of radio and television until the advent of the Internet as a popular method of consumption around the mid-2000's which is when they were truly threatened to become obsolete... meanwhile streaming services as we know them today have been around for barely two decades and they're already failing, and that's nothing compared to the tech bros who are constantly coming up with new gimmicks and "miracle technology" like NFT's and AI which are often clung to immediately by corporations purely on the basis of hype and inflated promises, just to become financial black holes within a year that they then have to find sneaky ways to profit off of until something else comes along to fill their void for something "new and innovative".

Case in point, I'm not even thirty yet, I shouldn't already feel like I'm falling behind the way my parents did when they were in their 40's. That whole feeling of life being "over" at 25 isn't just psychological, it's being actively enabled by the titans of capitalism shifting the goalposts of how we interact with the world faster than ever before. I can absolutely still quote the entire script of Shrek as it's happening onscreen, but I can't for the life of me remember a single video I watched while doomscrolling in bed last night.

And this HAS had its effects on art and media, because now movies and shows are simply hype-events that people consume and never touch again, never re-analyze, never rewatch with updated perspectives. You'd be shocked how many times I've rewatched old Spongebob episodes like Squid on Strike and Selling Out just to realize that Hillenburg himself knew what was up and was both empathizing and warning the adults of that time period what was happening in the creative industry - and now those episodes are still timeless and relatable even more than they were back then because we're now living in the exact reality that such episodes were trying to warn us about. Don't even get me started on films like Idiocracy which may as well now be a prophecy uttered by ancient gods that we should have probably paid more attention to.

This effect of turning art and media into mindless "content" is even bleeding into the smaller industries as well. Within my own special interest and experience, webcomics, a virtually endless library of indie media to enjoy that isn't gatekept by industry control, is now becoming controlled by corporate platforms which pump out cheap media that's trained people to value quantity over quality, oftentimes resulting in fanbases who barely even read what they're swiping through and will deadass forget the name and plot of the comic weeks after they've stopped seeing it in their reading lists. Many of those same readers will immediately get nervous as soon as anyone even mildly criticizes or questions the content that's being consumed, often jumping on the defensive with arguments like "you need to turn your brain off if you want to enjoy the story" and "stop thinking about it so hard" and "just let people enjoy things".

I don't know about you, but as a seasoned webcomic artist myself who loves engaging with discussion and discourse surrounding their favorite pieces of media, I'd be livid if I found out my readers were saying that shit about my own work. I want you to think about it. I want my work to get your brain moving. I want you to come up with your theories even if they're wrong. I want you to re-read and change your opinions and re-think your perspectives as you re-engage with the text with a new lens that changes both over time and over the course of reading the work in full. I want you to be capable of engaging in nuanced critical discussion and thought without it automatically becoming a polarizing battle between "fan and hater". I suppose I was born just a little too late to exist in the time period that allowed projects like my own weird convoluted "work for the lore" meta-commentary shit to exist without needing to maintain a company's bottom line. Instead, I was born just in time to exist in the world that's solely serving the "turn your brain off" population of consumers who don't even realize how much their senses and thought processes have been numbed by the effects of late-stage capitalism, with only the hope that maybe there will be a renaissance within my lifetime.

The disillusionment we feel from "what the kids are watching today" isn't just a symptom of getting older. It's a symptom of all of us - as a collective society, across all the generations - getting fucked by corporations bombarding our senses for profit.

Matt Damon explains why they don’t make movies like they used to. Pls watch.

[septembersung]

I did some rough math and I think I need 12 bookcases of 5 shelves each to fit our minimum homeschool library.

That includes what we already own (estimated) and shelves for the curriculum levels I haven’t bought books for yet. It will be either just enough or gives us room to grow unexpectedly. I picked my favorite, most versatile bookcase I own as a model. (Nice width, right height for low ceiling room, ability to have both very tall and very short shelves on the same case.) Does not include the needed dvd shelves. Now I want to measure and see where in the basement all these shelves might fit.

When we do the built-ins they’ll probably be ikea based (unless Husband gets the extra woodworking tools he wants, and some other relevant factors fall into place, then he can build them from scratch, which he’d prefer. But I think we’ll have to just ikea it because of cost and speed and limited building space.) Because the idea is, the homeschool library is in the big basement room, and current-use books will go in the classroom next door to that room, which would not be big enough for the full library and desks/tables and supplies etc etc.

This whole thing means really involved thinking about how we actually use our space and guessing what individual needs might be in the future (someday… I will have a house full of teens…) and also what I want the living room to be too.

[theevilmaninyourcomputer]

For all his eccentricities, my father was an astute man. “Dad” to me, and  “doctor” to every other self-respecting person–including the children in his Kindergarten class. Although, secretly, I think he would’ve preferred that I called him doctor too. The idea made me laugh.

“This man is dying and we can’t land the plane! Quick, is anyone on board a doctor?” 

“Yes–right here. Now, bring me the sheet music for La Campanella.”

If talent was genetic, then surely, I must have been adopted. I plunked my way through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with all the tact of a drunk baboon playing a funeral dirge. I wasn’t growing into the musical savant my father had hoped I’d be. On the contrary, I was a puny, bumbling 14 year old burn-out. And piano certainly wasn’t improving my image. 

I studied the cool teens on Disney Channel. Lindsay Lohan wore eyeliner, and said things like, “God, Mom, can you learn to knock?” Hannah Montana sported low-rise v-necks, and layered colored tights under her jean shorts. But they shared one common attribute–my surefire, scientifically-backed, guarantee to popularity. They were both in a band. So, I opted to swap piano for guitar; and while my friends went on to play Carnegie Hall, I sat in the garage, learning Wonderwall. I would be the band’s frontman, obviously, steadily cultivating a small-but-loyal cult following on Tumblr, before finally breaking into the mainstream with a chart-topping Indie classic, like I Was Radicalized By PBS Kids (My Suicide Note in MLA Format). 

There was one small kink in my plan–I wasn’t alone. I was another mediocre singer/songwriter in a scene that was already oversaturated with Elliot-Smith-wannabes. Men, who wore secondhand sweaters in 90° weather, serenaded unassuming women at frat parties, and ranted about the “unparalleled genius of Thom Yorke.” Men, who called movies “films.” Men, who made a show of reading The Feminine Mystique, but cheated on their girlfriends. These men, I noticed, generally didn’t “make it big.” They grew up to work unfulfilling corporate jobs, and haunted open mics that felt more like A.A after-parties, slobbering into bar microphones as they sang about their latest divorce. Like Scrooge seeing his own gravestone, I looked into the faces of these simpering drunks, and I understood that my future was bleak. That's when I knew: I couldn't stoop to solo artistry, I needed to find a band. A real, actual, honest-to-god band. 

There it was, scribbled on printer paper and stuck to the wall with an old wad of gum: the answer to my prayers. We want to start a band. Like, a real, actual honest-to-god band. If you’re interested, text (405)-570-1299.

“So, what do you want me to like, do?” I asked, as I fumbled with the clasps on my guitar case. I’d pictured a high-stakes X-Factor style audition. A beer bottle would get chucked at my head, or at least, the serious musicians would laugh me out of the room. Instead, I watched as the organizer disappeared into the bathroom for a third time, only to reemerge with bloodshot eyes and a dopey grin. Skunk, as he’d been dubbed, was four years my senior, and I was beginning to understand how he’d earned his title. 

“I mean, can you sing?” 

“Oh–uhh–not well, but if you want me to, I guess I can try.” Skunk had made his artistic vision very clear. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was the least punk-rock person on the face of the earth. I cried watching Cats the musical. I owned all five seasons of Glee on DVD.  More importantly, I had never so much as attempted to sing death metal. “But I don’t have a mic.” 

“Just sing loud.”  

And thus, we became Antimatter Club. Or, the “assless chaps” per my dad’s suggestion. But I wasn’t going to take advice from the man who spent his free time at the frisbee golf course, loosening the screws in the goalposts. More often than not, the band was known as just that: The Band.

Our name was a point of contention. But then again, everything was becoming a point of contention. It had been several months, and our stylistic differences were making it more and more difficult to accomplish anything. We crammed ourselves into the guitarist’s freezing garage, shivering, as we made our way through our limited repertoire of Nirvana covers. 

“Do you think you can do the scream at the end of Negative Creep?” The guitarist asked, gesturing towards me with a pick.

“I–I’ll do my best.” We’d tacked thermal sheets to the walls to make the room warmer, but we’d only succeeded in making the garage look like the set of the moon landing. “By the way, do you know when Skunk’s getting back? We have a show next week, and he hasn’t been to practice in two weeks.” It wasn’t that I didn’t know the answer, but someone had to say it. Skunk was going to graduate high school in three months. The Band didn’t rock. In fact, we sucked. We were never going to pack stadiums, and MTV probably wasn’t in our cards. Skunk was barreling head-first into his future like a toddler on a water-slide, and he was realizing, with a dawning horror, that he didn’t know how to swim. He’d joined another band, in the hopes of kickstarting his musical career. All I could say was “Whatever, man, let’s just get through this song.”

None of us said it, but we all knew: this was the beginning of the end. I packed up my guitar, and I drove home, with a quiet finality. The gig came and went and I decided that I was done with the scene. Skunk would crawl back into whatever alley he came from, and I would go back to where I belonged: my highschool musical theater program. 

Six months later, I stood by the sink of the school bathroom, washing my hands. 

“What are you doing out of class, young man?” I froze, slowly turning around. There he was, in all his unkempt glory. Skunk. Wearing a navy-blue janitor’s uniform, and  lugging a large, sagging trash-bag over his shoulder. His name-tag read Skunk. It occurred to me that it may have been his legal name. “I’m just kiddin’ what, did you think I was a narc, or something?” 

“Oh–oh my God…Skunk? Are you–uh–working for the school?”

“Yeah, it’s not so bad. You know, I still have your mic stand. Me and the band are working through some Nirvana stuff–you should come to our show next month! It’s gonna be a good one.”

I dried my hands on my pants.

“I'm busy next week. But, you can keep the mic stand.”

“Oh, good, we broke it anyway.” I smiled, shaking my head. Who the hell was I kidding.

“I know.”

[lovecanbesostrange]

I kept thinking of that poll from yesterday about writing down a list of 100 fav movies and so I just gave it a quick try...

Alien (don't make me choose between 1&2)

Heathers

The Breakfast Club

Nightmare on Elm Street (1, 3, 7)

but I'm a cheerleader

Star Wars 4, 5, 6

The Faculty

The Goonies

Terminator (1, 2, Dark Fate)

The Proposal

Barb & Star go to Vista Del Mar

The Lost Boys

Imagine Me & You

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind

Princess Mononoke

Laputa - Castle in the Sky

My Neighbor Totoro

The Iron Giant

Titan A.E.

Mulan

The Little Mermaid

Lilo & Stitch

The Emperor's New Groove

Brave

Maleficent

The Hunger Games

GhostBusters (this franchise has no bad entry)

Scream (much like with Alien the third comes in last, but here the whole franchise is one big banger)

The Sixth Sense

Signs

Stardust

X-Men: Days of Future Past (I love almost all foX-Men films though, but 2 and DoFP are the best)

Avengers, Age of Ultron, Infinity War, Endgame (let me put them in a row and I will not pick any more from the MCU)

The Dark Knight

Back to the Future

Jurassic Park

The Lord of the Rings (SEE please)

North by Northwest

Witness for the Prosecution

Some Like it Hot

Mulholland Drive

Raiders of the Lost Ark (also Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, no wait probably more so 3>1, the others are fine)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Charlie's Angels + Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

Pirates of the Caribbean (1, 2, 3)

Stephen King's IT Chapter One (funny enough I probably wouldn't qualify Two as a fav on its own, though it's a good and necessary second half of the story, but Chapter One is where it's at)

Carrie (1976)

The Mist (black-and-white is dope)

Misery

Stand by Me

Spaceballs

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Adventures in Babysitting

The Invisible Man (2020)

Pitch Black

Sunshine

The Cabin in the Woods

Evil Dead (especially 2)

Event Horizon

The Blob (1988)

Death Becomes Her

Steel Magnolias

A Fish called Wanda

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (German Dub supremacy though, Volle Kanne Hoshy)

Stranger than Fiction

An American Werewolf in London

The Silence of the Lambs

Starship Troopers

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Mamma Mia

Little Shop of Horrors

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Moulin Rouge

The Craft

A Chinese Ghost Story

Lady Vengeance

Silver Hawk

Dr. Wai in the Scripture with No Words (had to look up the English title, hey it's Jet Li's version of Indiana Jones and I have a soft spot for this one, even though it's far from Li's best and has so many flaws due to being a nightmare production)

Parasite

Mallrats

St. Trinian's

Ginger Snaps

The Fountain

Galaxy Quest

Elvira - Mistress of the Dark

Cruel Intentions

St. Elmo's Fire

Shaun of the Dead

Rock'n'Roll High School

The Prestige

Underworld (the first above all else)

Resident Evil (especially Afterlife)

Playing by Heart

The Heat

Kill Bill

Ever After

Donnie Darko

Happy Death Day

Trick 'r Treat

D.E.B.S.

Wait, how have I already reached 100? There aren't even the quirky films (like TiMER) or the fun horror trash (my love for Deep Blue Sea is endless). Didn't dive into European films (Amélie) or specific German stuff (bandits). I can do a 100 list for horror alone easily (omg not even The Haunting on here).

Anyway do not question how my mind wandered from title to title, also there is zero ranking involved. Damn, there are five on the list that I don't own on DVD or BD. hmmmm... What does favorite movie even mean? Who knows. In any case for the past few months I've gone back far more to stuff I already know instead of watching new things (that I plan to watch some day, but well, it never felt right).

[januarysprings]

I differentiated between the things that affected others and the things that are only mine. Things that affect others is anything that puts money in JKR's pockets (I don't buy anything Harry Potter related, I don't stream the movies or audiobooks etc), and stuff like posting about it online (this post is a very rare exception) or wearing anything Harry Potter related in public etc, mostly because I know it would make some people uncomfortable and that's not something I want to contribute to, and I also just don't want to associate myself with this franchise like that anymore. I have deleted all my Harry Potter related Instagram posts, I don't have my house in my bio, I took my deathly hallows keychain off my keys and my Harry Potter books off my shelves.

The things that are only mine is my own personal relationship with the story. I read the books for the first time when I was 11 (I'm 28 now) and back then I didn't think much about the person JKR, the only people that existed for me was people in the story. And on some emotional level, Harry, Ron and Hermione aren't always entirely connected to JKR for me. Because of that, I feel like I can keep my own personal relationship with the story, I sometimes discuss fan theories or send memes to my friends, I sometimes rewatch the movies on DVD I already own, I still listen to some independent Harry Potter podcasts, rereading the books (which I already own) isn't out of the question for me. These things do not affect anyone else, but they still bring something to my life, and therefore this is what feels okay and makes sense to me. I know not everyone will agree, and if you feel differently, that's okay.

I also want to say to anyone dealing with this (the Neil Gaiman situation in this case, but also any other situation) that it's okay to grieve the loss of a fandom, a story, a person you admired. That does not mean that you think your feelings are more important than the feelings of those who have actually been hurt or targeted in the situation. You can feel multiple things at once, and feelings are what they are anyway. Whatever you feel is okay and does not make you a bad person. Losing something that meant a lot to you, or finding out that it wasn't what you thought, can hurt, and it's okay to feel those feelings.

It's been about four years since the whole JKR thing blew up, and nowadays I don't really engage with anything Harry Potter related other than listening to Mugglecast and like sometimes sending a reel to a friend. But that story was a part of my formative years, a huge part of my identity, self image, my interests, my friendships for a really long time, and no matter how I feel about it, it will always be a part of me, and that can be true even though I think JKR is a bad person and even though I vehemently disagree with her, and I have made my peace with that. Feelings are complex, we contain multitudes.

I don't know if this was helpful for anyone, but know that I see you in your struggles, Good Omens and Neil Gaiman Fandom ❤️

(also, I haven't massively read up on the NG thing, and I don't necessarily equate NG and JKR, this isn't really about them, this is just about our feelings)

harry potter fans help what did you do when you realized the creator of your fandom was an asshole

[yumiko-shigaraki]

Flames & Frost

What happens when two students with opposite quirks both strive to be the number 1 hero in all of Japan?

Cross posted to and AO3, rewritten version of chapter 1

Words: 2.2k

Main Pairing: Named OC/Dabi (Touya Todoroki)

Potential trigger/content warnings: teenagers are portrayed true to life which means some cringy actions/dialogue, use of social media, physical violence, potential spoilers for Tomura's backstory, Kotaro is his own warning, warnings will be edited chapter by chapter

Yūka opened the envelope with bated breath, her heart gently thumping against her ribs as she carefully pulled out the disc from within. She sat in front of her TV and put the disc in her DVD player. She hit play, and watched silently as the pro hero Present Mic popped up on screen. 

“Hellooooo, Yūka Shimura! I am pleased to announce you have been accepted into the hero course at UA highschool.” He held up his thumbs with a big grin, and Yūka’s eyes widened in excitement before hurrying to turn down her TV’s volume in case her dad was upstairs. “Here in a moment a list of school supplies will pop up on screen, you’ll need to get them within the next couple of weeks, and don’t forget to design a hero costume. The first couple days in class you’ll get some help from staff to help map it out more if you get stuck or don’t know where to start! I’m looking forward to seeing you on campus, peace out!” With that, a list of school supplies popped up on screen. Yūka grabbed her phone and texted the list to her mother.

Nao: What’s all this?

Yūka: School stuff :D I got accepted into UA!

Yūka then perked up more and switched to her Discord app, opening her chat with her boyfriend. He was offline at the moment, which was a little odd, but she knew he’d probably see her message soon anyways.

frostbite777: babe guess what

frostbite777: I got into the hero school I tried out for

endeavorfan021: oh really?? thats so cool! did u get into the hero course like u wanted or did they put u in support

frostbite777: hero course, so maybe when we graduate we can be one of those hero couples/duos yk

endeavorfan021: thatd be amazing, I bet we’d kick ass together

frostbite777: for sure <3

Yūka heard her dad calling her, and frowned a little before typing a quick goodbye message and tossing her phone on her bed, soon getting the disc from UA out of her DVD player and hiding it under her mattress. Once she was sure the evidence was hidden, she stood up and ran downstairs, jumping off the third step on her way down.

“Yūka, honey, I’m in the kitchen, come here please.” Kotaro called, stirring some sort of sauce in a skillet. Yūka could tell from his tone alone that he was upset about something, and she felt her stomach twist anxiously as she stepped into the room, walking over and standing beside Kotaro. 

“Yes?”

Kotaro looked down at Yūka and stopped stirring the sauce for a moment. “Your sister got into Shiketsu High. I’m surprised they let her in even after missing the first year.” He told her, disappointment and irritation leaking from his voice. “She’s going to become a hero. What do you think of that?” Yūka thought for a small moment before she furrowed her brows. She had learned by now how to react to news regarding heroes or hero students. Still, something inside of her told her to be honest about her feelings regarding the news.

“I don’t know.” She lied. She was happy for Hana, and a little jealous that she could be honest about her ambitions without fear of their father. She wished she lived with their mother full time too. Kotaro made a sour face at that, and clutched the metal cooking spoon a little harder in his hand.

“Do you still want to be a hero? I know you were moved up a grade last year, which means you or your mother has already chosen your highschool. So, which highschool are you going to? Don’t lie to me either.” That was a warning, and Yūka was smart enough to take a couple steps back before speaking. 

“I’m.. I’m going to UA. I’ve already gotten the acceptance letter.” Yūka could feel her hands start to tremble, but she steeled her nerves as she looked up at her father. She saw his face harden, and she mimicked his look. “I’m going to become a hero too. Since Tenko couldn’t.” That was when she felt the metal spoon strike her above the eye, right on the brow bone. He had angled it perfectly so the side hit her. She yelped and stepped back again, a throbbing pain in her face. She raised her hand and touched where the spoon hit, blood staining her fingers and dripping into her eye. She instinctively shut it to keep any more from coming in.

“Under no circumstances are you to attend that school, do you understand me? Your brother is dead and do you know who tried to help him? Not a damn soul, not even those heroes. If they did their jobs he would still be here. Your mother has already failed as a parent by allowing Hana to follow these delusions. I will not do the same. Tell your mother to withdraw you from that school, or you can find somewhere else to live.” Kotaro knew Nao wouldn’t withdraw Yūka if he were the one to ask, so it had to be her. He walked to the sink and washed the spoon, red mixing into the water as Yūka hurried out of the room and back upstairs.

She ran into the bathroom, and began cleaning the wound, though once it was evident it wasn’t going to stop on its own, she called her mother.

“Are you doing okay, baby? I seriously cannot believe your father.” Nao clutched the steering wheel hard enough that her knuckles went white. Hana was in the backseat with Yūka, rubbing her back and trying to cheer her up. Once Yūka had called Nao and told her what happened, Nao hightailed it to her house to pick her up. She had used to quirk to heal the wound and had gotten into a yelling match with Kotaro while the girls packed up everything of Yūka’s they could fit in the car. Which was nearly everything but her furniture, which they had decided to just leave at Kotaro’s, since her room at Nao’s was furnished as well.

“I’m fine mom. This just sucks.” She sighed and shook her head a little. “Now I have to take the train and stuff to school. I’m gonna have to get up so early.” She groaned, and leaned back against her seat, making Hana take her hand back. 

“Maybe we can see if you can be transferred to Shiketsu? You might have to take another entry exam or something though, since I think they do the entry exams differently than UA.”

“Hana, that’s a sweet thought, but your sister has had her heart set on UA since she was little. We’ll figure something out, Yūka. I might be able to drive you in the mornings before I go to work. For tonight let's just get some dinner and get you unpacked.”

—

As Yūka stepped into classroom 1A on time, she silently thanked the heavens that her mom offered to give her a ride. She hated public transportation, since everyone’s body heat together made her lightheaded and sweaty. She went to the desk in the far back corner, and watched other students pile in. She put her head down and got her phone out, figuring it would be alright as long as the teacher wasn’t in the room. 

frostbite777: I got to school on time today, my moms going to be able to give me rides to school

endeavorfan021: thats good! I just got to school, but I cant find my classroom for the life of me

frostbite777: are there any teachers nearby or smth

endeavorfan021: oh yea just found one, I gotta go tho I dont think were supposed to have our phones out 

endeavorfan021: love u bby Ill ttyl <3

frostbite777: love u 2 <3

Yūka sat back up and tucked her phone away in her Edgeshot themed backpack. She looked around and saw another handful of students enter, including a boy with a set of bright red wings on his back. She hummed a little, and watched as a plain looking boy with white hair sat beside her. He plopped down in his chair with a small grunt, and she looked away once he looked at her. She noticed the boy with wings was sitting in front of her and she perked up, her eyes focused on the red feathers. 

“Staring is rude, you know. Were you raised in a barn?” The boy beside her spoke, his arms crossed as he watched her. She looked back at him with a small blush on her face from embarrassment. 

“Oh, sorry. I just thought they looked cool.” Yūka frowned before perking up and sticking her hand out to him, her thumb tucked up against her palm to make sure she wouldn’t accidentally use her quirk on him. He looked at her hand a little funny, unsure why she was doing that with her thumb, but still, he reached over and shook her hand. “I’m Yūka Shimura.” She smiled at him, expecting him to echo her with his own name.

“I’m Touya Todoroki.” He told her, wiping his hand on his pants as he made a face at her. “Why are your hands so clammy and cold?” He shook his head a little, and looked back at her.

“Oh, I don’t know why they’re clammy,” She subconsciously wiped her hands on her skirt. “But they’re cold because of my quirk, which is why I tucked my thumb up against my hand.”

Touya nodded, and got ready to say something else before their teacher walked inside of the classroom and got the class to quiet down. Mr.Aizawa took attendance and went over the rules and expectations, and soon dismissed the class to go get their PE uniforms on in the locker rooms. 

In the locker room, one of the other girls bumped her hip into Yūka’s, it made her flinch a little and she looked at the other girl like a deer in headlights. The other girl was blonde and had magenta eyes. “Oh, sorry for bumping into you.” Yūka said, even though she wasn’t the one who did it. This made the other girl laugh.

“Girl I bumped you, you’re fine.” She smiled at Yūka, and she sheepishly smiled back. “The name is Yu Takeyama, I heard you talking to that Todoroki kid earlier. Do you know who he is?” Yu waited for Yūka’s answer with an excited grin.

“Uh– Endeavor’s son?” Yūka questioned as she pulled the white t-shirt over her head, adjusting the shirt and her bra before pulling on the jacket. Yu looked both surprised and irritated at her answer.

“And you aren’t completely excited that he talked to you? He’s a total hottie, plus he’s Endeavor’s son. He’s rich too!”

“He wasn’t that good looking, plus I have a boyfriend, so it’s not like it matters.” Yūka told her as the pair walked out of the locker room. 

“Ugh lame. More for me then.” Yu gently nudged Yūka. She looked over at the door to the boys’ locker room, and noticed Touya and the boy with the red feathers. “Have you met Hawks yet?”

Yūka looked a little confused before she looked over at the two boys, assuming the one with wings was Hawks. “Oh, no. I’ve only met you and Touya so far. Also, were we already supposed to have hero names ready or is that his real name?”

“I don’t know. When Mr.Aizawa took attendance he said Hawks, and in middle school that’s all anyone called him, so maybe that’s his real name. A little on the nose though, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess. Should we go talk to them while the other students get their uniforms on?” Yūka tilted her head at Yu, who nodded and grabbed Yūka’s hand suddenly, and Yūka was barely able to bend one of her fingers out of the way in time. Maybe she should ask to have some gloves made for her uniforms.

“Hawks! Have you met my friend yet?” Yu grinned, letting go of Yūka’s hand and gesturing at her with a smile. 

Hawks perked up, stopping his bothering Touya for a second as he smiled. “No, I haven’t. What’s her name?” He asked, and Yu’s face dropped before she nervously laughed a little. Hawks rolled his eyes at that. “You don’t know yet, do you?”

“It’s Yūka Shimura.” Yūka laughed a bit as well, patting Yu’s shoulder reassuringly. Hawks smiled again at that.

“Shimura as in Nana Shimura? You’re related to her?”

Yūka looked surprised but nodded. “Yeah actually! She’s my grandma. I’m a little surprised you know her, that’s the first time anyone our age has made that connection.”

“Well, I’m glad to be the first.” Hawks held his hand out for her to shake.

“Careful, her hands are super clammy.” Touya chimed in, and Yūka huffed a little at that before she shook Hawks’ hand, being careful with her fingers of course.

“Oh they’re not that bad, Todoroki. I think you’re just dramatic.” That made Touya glare at him, and soon more of their classmates joined them outside of the locker room. Hawks then looked between Yūka and Touya before he laughed a little. “Todoroki, you are literally the shortest student here." “I am not shut up.” Touya shoved at Hawks’ shoulder, before noticing both Yu and Yūka were each at least a couple inches taller than him. “Oh God I am. What the Hell?” He scoffed and crossed his arms like a pouty child.

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Heart’s Choice - Chapter 2 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Carlos Martinez  

Sometimes it takes a minute for my brain to catch up to my mouth, especially when I'm stressed or under pressure, which is what happens when I open my front door dressed in my underwear and find myself face to face with a pair of officers and some unexpected news.

"Dead? What do you mean he's dead?"

The male officer looks me up and down but I'm pretty sure he's not checking me out. 

More likely he's comparing me to some profiling list in his head and checking off boxes.

Mid to late twenties ✓ Male ✓ Longish hair ✓ Medium brown skin ✓ Obviously doesn't have his shit together ✓ Latino-looking ✓ Probably a criminal of some kind ✓

"I mean that he is no longer alive, Mr. Martinez," the man says.

"He is deceased. Passed away. Expired."

"Está muerto," the female officer joins in helpfully.

I rub my hands over my face and do my best not to scowl. 

"I get that, thanks. What I mean is... what happened?"

"That's what we're trying to establish, Mr. Martinez. My name is Detective John Turner. This is Sergeant Latoya McKenzie. May we come in?"

"Uh..." 

I glance between the pair. 

I'm pretty sure I can refuse but less sure I can do so without hurting my chances of appearing 'not guilty.' 

They haven't said as much yet but also I'm pretty sure they're not here just to tell me Kyle died of natural causes.. 

"Of course."

I step back and hold the door open as they enter. 

Two pairs of eyes rake across my living space, doing inventory, drawing conclusions and I cringe as I see it from a visitor's perspective.

I'm not a slob but I'm not Marie Kondo, either. 

Most of my stuff is from thrift shops or hand-me-downs from friends. 

None of the furniture matches, every dish I own is from a different set and it's been a week since my last weekly cleaning day. 

I wince at the overflowing laundry basket, the dirty sink and the two-day-old pizza box occupying the coffee table.

"Sorry about the mess. I, uh, wasn't expecting guests," I say and then mentally kick myself.

'The cops aren't guests Carlos.'

Detective Turner quirks a brow but merely nods at the couch. 

"Can we sit?"

"Of course. Uh..." 

I scramble to clear away the pizza box, several dirty napkins, an open DVD case, a book and a packet of cigarettes.

The cops take the sofa, while I perch nervously on the edge of a well-worn La-Z-Boy.

"You smoke?" Sergeant McKenzie points at the Marlboro Lights.

"Huh? Oh, no. My aunt does."

"Your aunt lives here, too?" Detective Turner asks, pulling out a notepad and pen.

"No, no. She's in Oregon."

"Then why you got her smokes?" Sergeant McKenzie swipes a finger across my countertop, as if checking for dust.

"They're not hers. They're mine."

The pair share a glance and Turner scribbles a note.

"You just said you don't smoke. So which is it?"

I frown. 

It feels like I'm already being interrogate and I don't even know what the deal is yet. 

"I lived with my aunt until recently," I say.

"Relatively recently, anyway. I was... feeling homesick, I guess. Missing her. I saw these at the gas station and bought them on a whim. Not to smoke, just to... just to have, I guess."

"Decorative cigarettes. Right?" Turner asks, making another note and my frown becomes a scowl.

"No offense, officers but what happened to Kyle and why are you here?"

Detective Turner takes a breath and studies me with a penetrating stare.

"Kyle Peters was murdered, Mr. Martinez, some time last night. Can you tell us where you were between the hours of ten p.m yesterday and two a.m. this morning?"

"I was here. Asleep."

"Anyone vouch for that?" Mckenzie asks and I shake my head. 

"I live alone."

"You didn't text anyone, call anyone? Facetime your girlfriend?"

"I don't have a... no. I had dinner, took a shower and went to bed. I was tired."

"Hmm."

Turner makes another note and my temper finally wakes up 'along with the rest of my senses'. 

These two obviously got here early, hoping to take me off guard and they succeeded. 

I'm sitting in my living room, dressed in my underwear, being questioned by cops. 

It doesn't feel real and in the dreamlike state of shock after learning my assistant is dead, who knows what shit I might say to incriminate myself?

"Look, just tell me what happened to Kyle," I say.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

I turn to Sergeant McKenzie. 

"Yesterday, around lunchtime."

I scowl at Detective Turner. 

He's hot, no denying that but obnoxious. 

"Two pm. I gave him twenty bucks to go get us some burgers. He never came back."

"That didn't concern you?"

"Sure it did. I didn't get lunch, lost twenty bucks and had to finish the rest of the day's work alone."

"You didn't think to call him? Make sure he was all right?"

I meet his sexy Russell Crowe stare and refuse to blink. 

"No. He's only been working here two or three weeks and it's not the first time he's dipped in the middle of a shift."

"Two or three?"

I narrow my eyes at him. 

"What?"

"You said 'he's only been working here two or three weeks.' So which is it? Two weeks or three?"

"Shit, I don't know. I'd have to check the books."

"Can you check them now?"

Glaring, I stand and stalk over to my 'desk' which is really just a piece of scrap plywood bolted to some two-by-fours and painted white. 

Painfully conscious of the detective's eyes on my back, I rouse my geriatric computer from it’s slumber and open a spreadsheet.

"Two weeks and three days," I say, and clear my throat.

"He started on the 17th of last month."

"Thank you. That's very helpful."

I turn and find myself almost chest-to-chest with Mr. tall, dark and antagonistic. 

There's a moment of silent masculinity measuring and then I yield, glancing away and taking a tiny step back, bumping into the desk. 

Like Aunt Tony used to say, pick your battles or pick your tombstone.

Oddly, Turner seems equally off-balance, as if he hadn't meant to stand so close and takes a step to the side, allowing me a clear path back to my seat.

Excruciatingly conscious of the fact he's watching me, I make my way back to it and sit down.

"So. Are you going to tell me about Kyle or not?" I ask.

"I assume someone's spoken to his aunt."

"She's been informed," Turner says stolidly, as if Lucille can expect a standard government-issue letter in the mail.

"Kyle was found by a runner in the park, early this morning," Sergeant McKenzie says. 

"Where the trail goes under the highway between Chestnut and Main." 

She pulls out her cell-phone and holds it towards me. 

"He was surrounded by symbols like this. Any significance to you?"

I squint at the screen, then school my face into a featureless mask as a shiver runs up my spine.

"No. What is it?"

"Some sort of occult symbolism, as far as we can tell from the shit on the internet," McKenzie says, pocketing her phone again.

"Kyle into that kinda thing?"

I shake my head. 

"No. Not as far as I know."

Detective Turner sighs. 

He hadn't retaken his seat and leans against the back of the couch, arms crossed. 

Now he straightens and pulls a card from the breast pocket of his crisp white shirt and holds it out to me.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Martinez. We'll be in touch if we have any further questions."

"We're sorry for your loss," Sergeant McKenzie adds.

"I hope we can count on your cooperation as we investigate."

"Of... of course," I say, taking the card reflexively.

"If you think of anything else, give me a call," Turner says. 

Then, with a bit more awkwardness, they're gone and I'm alone again.

As soon as the door shuts at their backs, I dash upstairs and snatch my phone off the bedside table, ripping out the charging cable and bringing up Aunt Toni's contact. 

Hands trembling, I tap her number and listen with my heart pounding in my ears as it rings.

Voicemail.

Again.

‘Toni Martinez. I'm busy. You know what to do.’

Beep.

I draw a breath, words swirl in my brain. 

Then, like I have the last three times I've called, I hang up.

I said some shit to Toni the last time I saw her, when I left for Spring Lakes, some shit I needed to say but maybe not quite the way I should have said it. 

She raised me and overall she did a good job but she'd hurt me, too and with my words, I hurt her back.

That wasn't my intention but words are like toothpaste, hard to retract once they're squeezed out.

That symbol the sergeant showed me was familiar, too familiar and my first thought was to run to Toni for advice. 

Now, I shake my head at myself as I get dressed.

I told Toni I didn't need her.

Time to prove myself right.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. 

I fix a busted tail light, change a battery, flush a transmission and order some specialty parts for a certain vintage Volkswagen. 

The whole time I keep my phone with me, waiting for Lucille or Tony or the cops or someone to call me but it stays silent.

The shop is silent, too. 

It's as if nothing happened and by the end of the day I've half convinced myself it was all a dream, that tomorrow Kyle will show up bright and early for his shift, with some wild story about why he never came back with that burger the day before.

As for what I'd seen on the sergeant's phone... maybe I was wrong. 

It wasn't that clear of a picture, after all. 

Maybe my coffee-deprived brain had just filled in the blanks. 

I mean, what were the chances that mark would show up here and that it would have any relation to Kyle?

I've pretty much convinced myself of this, that Kyle met a tragic, untimely but ultimately mundane end, by the time I close up the shop for the day. 

He was the victim of a mugging or a drug deal gone wrong or maybe he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time but it's got nothing to do with me.

It weighs on my heart, of course. 

The poor kid was so young and while I can't say he was destined for greatness, who knows what impact anyone else might have on the world? 

Now whatever impact Kyle might have made, good or bad, is forever lost.

'I'll have to buy a suit for his funeral,' I think, as I trudge upstairs after work.

'If I'm invited to his funeral.'

I strip out of my clothes and step into the shower.

'Funerals are depressing as fuck. I hope I'm not invited.'

I wash my hair, soap up, rinse off and reach for my towel.

"Why you gotta do this to me, Kyle?" I sigh as I wipe the steam from the bathroom mirror and stare into my own dark eyes.

"I give you a job. You take my twenty bucks and get yourself killed. Where did I go wrong?"

Something moves in the reflection and I gasp and spin so fast I almost fall on my ass.

I thought there was someone in the room with me, an intruder appearing at my back.

Instead, I groan with a strange mix of terror and relief as I find myself face to face with Kyle's ghost. 

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

I keep going back and forth in my mind on whether or not they should keep the story a tradegy and what they will do. What my mind keeps coming back to is the quote "all the great stories return to their original form". Which makes me think that they'll keep it a tragic story. But then I think about how the reason it is tragic is because Morpheus doesn't see himself as capable of change. So what better way to prove him wrong than the idea that stories can grow and change?

Idk what they'll do. I'm sure it'll be amazing either way.

i mean this story is absolutely full of unreliable narrators, the returning to their original form is a dream quote, which says a lot about him as a person, not necessarily anything about neil gaiman

but yeah, i mean. i like well written tragedies, because well written tragedies are one of the best devices for a story about hope, and i think that's what this is

one of the reasons i love hadestown as a story is it specifically calls this out and gets meta with it, but in any tragedy - it's about catharsis, you know?

there's something important in that rock bottom moment, and in experiencing that as a collective. catharsis is an ancient greek word, from the origin of theatre, we're talking plays, things that were experienced by a large audience. ancient greek plays actually used to be short so you could watch a whole bunch of them in a row during festivals to dionysus, it was a whole big Thing

it comes from the word meaning cleansing, and the ancient greeks believed there was something important to that, to watching something terrible happen in a safe space, where it's not real, where you know the actors are fine, and where hundreds of other people are crying with you - you feel for these characters and that sadness is a great emotional release

and i think that's true, it's certainly something i feel with well written tragedies. but i don't think that's all there is to it

there's an instinct shared by absolutely everybody who watches tragedies, something i honestly think is incredible but somehow is universal, and that's that gut feeling that hooks you and goes no this has to turn out right this time

look at what's happening just on this blog today, i'm getting so many responses of people going no, we get another shot, he has to make it this time, this has to be okay, because this isn't right

and i'm serious about not knowing which way this'll fall and being fine with either way, i've just ended up being the tragedy advocate today because everyone else is doing the above and i like it both ways

but it's that instinct that's important. because it's not just something that happens when you don't know the ending. you could have a tragedy in a movie that you have on dvd, and you've watched it 50 times over or more, to the point where you could quote every line. and there will still be that part of you going maybe this time. maybe this time it'll work

stories with happy endings can certainly be inspiring, to the right person, at the right time. but when you're in a really tough spot there's no guarantee your life will turn out like the character's. maybe you don't get as lucky, maybe you get the worst case scenario, and then what? it's hard to fight that on your own

but a tragedy takes you to that worst case scenario. it tells you this is a situation where there is absolutely no way out. and even if you believed there was no way out already, suddenly you find that part of yourself going wait, no, there was a way out, why didn't you take it? if you just had another chance, you'd take it. this wouldn't play out the same way. and if it did, i'd try again. i'd try as many times as i'm willing to watch this story, because i'm never going to accept that this was inevitable

tragedies force the audience to confront that in their darkest moments, they will still fight for things to be better, even when they know everything is lost. and i think in a story about depression, that's really important

(and yeah, the theme of sandman is to keep living you have to keep changing, and to keep changing you have to keep living. but there are so many other characters in this story who embody that, who are there to set an example when an example is needed. look at how popular hob's gotten just from half an episode appearance. and yeah that's partially for shippy reasons, but also he's one of the biggest carriers of the hopeful message, and people have gotten that loud and clear)

so like. if they change it, which will probably end up being along the lines of the retirement au some of the fandom have got going on, i'm absolutely down for that, and i think it will still be a beautiful and meaningful story

and i'm not arguing with all the people going no, we get a retry, we have to fix this, because it's important that they're doing that! that's the whole point! but the fact that they are also means this story's done its job