#I may not be the biggest fan of her but goddamnit she deserves better

[malachitezmeyka]

Rare pre-Ibrahim Hatice. We love to see it

[theuntamedproject]

"If the face says nothing, listen to the heartbeat" - Lan WangJi, Mo Dao Zu Shi (Weeks 3+4)

https://zhtheuntamedprojec.wixsite.com/theuntamedproject 

... those who have read the novel know the real context of this line in the scene BUT taken out of context and used in a completely different (*cough* our) scenario..."If the face says nothing," translates to "Even if we seem calm on the outside,""listen to the heartbeat." translates to "we're so stressed to the point of ventricular fibrillation." (dunno if that's even a likely story but the overly exaggerated point still stands: we just handed our uni applications in and we're dreading admission tests and awaiting interviews...)

Quick overview

So aside from school work and university prep, TUP has taken up whatever spare moment either one of us has. However since Zara's Physics coursework began (good luck Zara!!) and both of us prepping for our respective admissions tests, we've decided instead of marching onwards with research on architecture and other food science related stuff, to settle on more relaxed Google seshes on MDZS (and totally not using this as an excuse to read the source text again) and beginning to design the buildings on CAD and paper.

So I'm going to introduce to you the barebones framework of what we plan to include in the design: characters, buildings and effects~ apologies in advance for not including the accents/tones in names (I cba tbh ;-; )

Characters

Because all these little dudes are just going to be cut out gingerbread men, we could include as many characters as possible (we did say we're making a universe are we not?). Those in italics are "maybe" characters depending on the dough remaining (or whether we like them to be part of the universe or not...) or how much gingerbread we're willing to eat ourselves (though huge shout out to everyone thats offered to eat our spare and broken gingerbread during materials testing - which I will get to a bit later :3)

Gusu Lan (the pretty sect)

Lan XiChen / Lan Huan (Sect Leader - simped so hard for his sworn brothers that both of them ended up dead)

Lan WangJi / Lan Zhan (repressed gay but we love him still)

Lan Yuan / Lan Sizhui (he's part of the Lan sect now goddamnit)

Lan JingYi (the most unLan Lan yet has the highest chance of being the next sect leader lmaoo)

Lan QiRen

Lan Yi / Lan An

QingHeng-Jun (Twin Jades' father)

Madam Lan (Twin Jades' mother)

Yunmeng Jiang (arguably the only "normal" sect here...)

Jiang Cheng / Jiang Wanyin (Sect Leader also an "angry grape" as put by Zara)

Jiang YanLi (OUR QUEEN)

Jiang FengMian (loved Wei Ying more than Jiang Cheng lol jk xd)

Yu ZiYuan (BAMF)

Wei Ying not included here since technically he defected from the Sect (; - ;)

Qinghe Nie (fans and sabers my bros)

Nie HuaiSang (Sect Leader - yeah, I can't believe it either)

Nie MingJue (noooooooooo)

Honestly, I swear this clan is either "big muscles or big brain?". If you have neither, you can't be part of their clique. I mean sect.

Lanling Jin (rich rich rich rich rich)

Jin Ling / Jin RuLan (Sect Leader - totally not named after Wei Ying's crush/ husband's family)

Jin GuangYao / Meng Yao (*smiles*)

Jin ZiXuan (peacock but JYL's husband nonetheless)

Jin GuangShan (gross)

Jin ZiXun (double gross)

Mo XuanYu (literally did not sign up to any of this. He just wanted to end his suffering at Mo Manor)

We decided against including everyone from Mo Manor since they literally died within the first few chapters of the novel / first episode of the drama so were kinda irrelevant. Also, we don't care about them like we care for the Lan Sect members either.

Off topic side rant, Zara has been on my case whenever I bring up Jin GuangYao. I have to say, he's way more lovable in the drama than in the novel (didn't really leave much of an impression on me in the novel, NHS did a better job at that). I'm here to briefly explain why this boy is misunderstood and deserved more than what he got (and also why you should love him because he deserves love).JGY is a poor soul who's goal in life was to please others because no one was ever satisfied with him. His mother wasn't satisfied. His father wasn't satisfied. Hell, even his sworn brother NMJ wasn't satisfied with him eventually. BUT GUESS WHAT Xichen the angel is the only person that showed any love or thanks to JGY that's why he didn't kill him in the end - he wouldn't kill people that actually cared about him. IF ONLY EVERYONE ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION TO HOW CLEVER AND CUNNING THIS MAN WAS, THERE MAY NOT EVEN BE WENS THREATENING THE WORLD. end of brief rant.

Qishan Wen (too hot, hot damn)

Wen RuoHan (Sect Leader - could have taken over the world if his children weren't incompetent)

Wen Qing (half the reason why included this sect)

Wen Ning / Wen QiongLin (the other half of the reason)

Wen Yuan (WE NEED THIS BABIE ALONGSIDE SIZHUI OK)

Wen Chao (questionable)

Wen ZhuLiu (also questionable but less annoying than Wen Chao)

Rogue cultivators (including people we didn't really know where to put)

Wei WuXian / Wei Ying (Can work out how to cultivate resentful energy, fight against the biggest cultivation clans in the world and gain a formidable reputation as the Yiling Patriarch yet can't figure out that Lan Zhan has a crush on him. Makes it look like cultivating resentful energy is easy as pie.)

CangSe SanRen (Wei Ying's mother)

Wei ChangZe (Wei Ying's father)

Xiao XingChen (honestly, the nicest guy ever. Could rival Xichen in terms of kindness. But then again... where did that kindness lead either of them? Moral of story: screw kindness)

Song Lan (Wen Ning's dead buddy~)

Xue Yang (he was cool in the novel, a bit questionable in the drama ngl)

A-Qing (didn't report her situation to the police...)

Baoshan Sanren (without knowledge of her existence, Jiang Cheng may have given up on life after he lost his golden core)

Ouyang ZiZhen (I didn't know who he was at all from the novel (ie he left no impression) but since he's technically part of the juniors, we have to include him)

Wang Ling Jiao / Jiao Jiao (just so Wen Chao has a friend perhaps... I don't know if we're that kind)

Su She (ew. just. He's not our favourite. The whole thing could have gone smoother if he didn't exist)

Luo Qingyang / Mian Mian (that one girl that made Wei Ying think Lan Zhan was straight)

Whew! That's all the character's we've considered! We have yet to come up with individual designs for the clothes and what not but at least we know there are going to be straight up cutting them out using the gingerbread man cutters.

Also! let's not forget:

Li'l Apple (didn't sign up for any of this either)

Fairy (gift from JGY to JL, also good doggo)

All the bunnies in Gusu (yes.)

All the fans and sabers in Qinghe (it's part of their aesthetic)

Locations and Buildings

This section's going to be MUCH shorter than the previous one haha since we've basically come up with 5 main buildings and in 7 locations. We're planning these buildings to be architectural masterpieces (okay, that's a slight exaggeration but that's the point). These buildings will take SIGNIFICANTLY more time than the gingerbread characters and is the reason we've put so much effort into researching what would make the most stable type of building. This is because we've planned to mirror the buildings as close as possible to the drama. We haven't yet drawn 2D sketches as I've left that job mostly to Zara (sorry!) so it's sort of hard to describe in words but by next post, we hope to have these down~ (though please see the mood boards from Zara's post previously)~

Gusu Lan - Cloud Recesses

The Wall of Discipline

The Courtyard

The Orchid Room (the main classroom/hall)

Yunmeng Jiang - Lotus Pier

The Main Pier

Lotus Pod Lake

Qinghe Nie - The Unclean Realm

The Main Courtyard and stairs

Lanling Jin - Koi Tower

Koi Tower

Qishan Wen - Nightless City

Main building and stairs

Yiling - Burial Grounds

The Mountains (and farms/Wen settlements)

Demon-Slaughtering Cave

And of course, Yi City.

We don't know if we want to include any more places but we'll let you know if there are any changes to this list. Plus the effects of LEDs and other arts and craft jazz besides gingerbread, we plan to make sure each Sect get's their own spotlight~

Please enjoy our baby Cloud Recesses, they're going to grow up and be a fine specimen of society worthy of the Lan name :D

The plan going forward

Although unfortunately, things haven't gone totally to plan due to fairly busy circumstances, we still have some major events along the way before starting to build the whole thing (which would probably be around mid-to-end of December) which have indeed started preparing for. Including:

Material testing gingerbread and icing (ie finally, bringing our research to the real world) - a lot of gingerbread will be made, so thank you to the willing volunteers who wanted to eat our failed experiments!

Finding / creating a suitable recipe for the gingerbread people

2D and 3D sketches of the buildings

Designing costumes for the gingerbread people

Another thing that we kinda want to do is to make this project benefit the wider community (we wanted to set up a GoFundMe at some point and raise some money for charity~). But we don't know how to do that as of yet T-T . Any ideas, feel free to contact us and let us know! We want to help others through this project (if at all possible haha)!

[igrublocal]

The Takeout’s fantasy food draft: Best pumpkin spice items

Takeout DraftTakeout DraftFood. Fantasy sports. Debating over Slack. Welcome to The Takeout Draft.

PrevNextView All

Every week, we will select a topic of conversation from the food and drink world. Takeout writers will then field a team via the snake draft format. After five rounds, The Takeout commenteriat will vote on who they believe was victorious in that week’s draft. At the end of 2020, the staffer with the most weekly victories will select a charity of his/her choice that The Takeout will make a donation toward. (The 2019 victor, Kate Bernot, selected the U.S. Bartenders’ Guild National Charity Foundation.)

The previous  drew many passionate voters who were more than ready to reminisce about summers past. After a tight race throughout the first day of votes, Aimee Levitt pulled ahead and scored a well-earned victory with expert picks like garlic fries and lemon slushie (as well as an unexpected swerve toward lobster rolls in the final round). Congrats, Aimee!

This week’s draft is nothing if not seasonal, and it’s equally likely to delight and disgust you: Best pumpkin spice items. Is this a joke? Maybe. Are we about to take our Draft duties very, very seriously? Absolutely.

G/O Media may get a commission

Now let’s cozy up to fall’s coziest flavor.

Marnie: Okay, let’s kick it off with the acknowledgment that Aimee winning the Best Ballpark Food draft is appropriate, since she’s the biggest (only?) baseball fan of the three of us.

Allison: Everybody loves hot dogs.

Marnie: And garlic fries. This Draft will be tough to win people over with. But Allison’s got first crack at it.

Allison: Wait... I have the first pick? I can’t remember the last time this happened! I��m so overwhelmed!

Marnie: Use it wisely

Allison: Alright, so obviously my first pick has to be the iconic pumpkin spice latte. It’s the crossover item that made us a pumpkin-crazy nation.

Marnie: OF COURSE

Allison: Once upon a time, back in the Dark Ages, coffee and pie were two entirely separate things. No one had dreamed they could be together in one cup.

It changed the way we see everything. There would be no Cronut without pumpkin spice lattes. No sushi burritos. Why have one when you can have both?

Marnie: Do you think its popularity is deserved?

Allison: I am a devoted black coffee drinker, and I still get a PSL whenever the first crisp day of fall arrives, and one on Thanksgiving morning.

Allison: I don’t know how anyone could drink them regularly, but they’re a nice treat. And, nowadays, a good reason to get out of the house.

Going out to get a PSL is not an errand. It’s an event.

You need a special outfit that includes a soft sweater, and maybe a scarf. You need to inform everyone you know on social media before, during, and after.

Marnie: That would have been my first pick too. So now I’m in a lurch. But I’ll say Pumpkin Spice Tea. Because we always talk about how it’s really just spices like clove and nutmeg and cinnamon, and those are nice in a warm drink beyond coffee.

This photo of a cheese-stuffed pumpkin in Always Add Lemon is enough to make you kick yourself for…

Allison: You know, I don’t know if I’ve ever tried this. How does it differ from chai?

Marnie: It’s probably just like any number of other warm spiced teas, just with pumpkiny marketing. But Trader Joe’s “Pumpkin Spice Rooibos” tin is adorable, dammit!

Aimee: Of course it is.

Marnie: I fall for it every time. And it’s not as sweet as a PSL.

Aimee: Well, few things are. But maybe if you dumped in a few tablespoons of sugar?

Allison: Or actual pumpkin...

Aimee: That would spoil it! It’s about the SPICE!

Allison: What about blending pumpkin with maple syrup, and putting a spoonful of that in your tea?

Aimee: Huh. That could either be really good or amazingly terrible.

Marnie: TBD.... First pick, Aimee?

Aimee: Pumpkin bread!

Marnie: Oh damn, of course

Allison: There has never been a day where a pumpkin bread has been in front of me and I didn’t eat the whole thing.

Aimee: I especially love the recipe in Joy of Cooking. It’s sweet and spicy and perfect.

Marnie: The “spicy” makes all the difference. I think it should make your nose wrinkle a little.

Aimee: But I also love the pumpkin challah in . I made a couple last week and they make the best French toast.

Allison: I used to make a pumpkin brioche and use it to make bread pudding. It was pretty damn amazing.

Marnie: You were born for this draft

Aimee: I was actually torn between waffles and pancakes, but I love waffles more, so that’s what I’m going with.

Allison: I have not had these either, and am wondering how these particular waffles have been pumpkin spiced.

Is there pumpkin in the batter? Poured on top?

Aimee: In the batter, and mixed with the ginger, cinnamon, and cloves.

Marnie: Does it need cream cheese drizzle on top to really sing?

Aimee: Oooooh, yes, that’s genius!

Allison: I’m thinking of the recipe I did last year for butternut squash pavlova, but making the topping with pumpkin and putting it on a stack of Belgian waffles.

Marnie: Aimee’s double whammy of delicious pumpkin spice carbs has me reeling. How can my second pick compete?

Aimee: I believe in you!

Marnie: I will say pumpkin spice Cheerios. Getting to drink pumpkin spice cereal milk is a lovely way to start the day.

And it’s a nice contrast with all the hot pumpkin spice stuff we usually eat and drink

Allison: Oh GODDAMNIT that was my pick!

Marnie: HA!

Allison: I was apprehensive about buying that, but I had to because of the pumpkin spice bet I have with my husband. When we tried them, the Cheerios made the milk taste like pumpkin pie custard.

Allison: We bought like 20 boxes so we could enjoy them all winter. It was a fine decision.

Marnie: Allison, what’ll you choose now that I’ve swooped into the cereal space?

Allison: I’m going to take pumpkin spice ice cream, much for the reason you picked the Cheerios—it’s a nice cold option, in contrast to the PSL and so many other pumpkin spice’d foods.

Aimee: With caramel sauce and lots of whipped cream! Maybe pecans?

Marnie: Ooo, any particular brand?

Allison: Remember those Talenti layer things I love? They’ve got a pumpkin pie one now with pie crust and stuff.

Marnie: DAMN I want to try that

Allison: What’s also nice: we’re all so ready for fall the second Labor Day is over, but it’s still hot. And even though it’s hot, I’m STILL wearing a cute jacket outside, out of principle.

Marnie: True. We need pumpkiny items for the last legs of summer

Aimee: With the hot sun of summer but the cool breeze of fall...

Allison: I anticipate eating a LOT of ice cream over the next five weeks or so.

Next up: pumpkin pie toaster strudel. You can debate the need for pumpkin spice-anything all you want, but when you see pumpkin toaster strudel, it’s like “this makes perfect sense”

There’s nothing to quibble about. It’s a thing, and it should be a thing.

Aimee: This is true. It’s like a pie.

Allison: If anything, the pumpkin spice latte walked so that pumpkin spice toaster strudel could run.

Aimee: That’s beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye. (Pumpkin spiced tear, of course.)

Marnie: Only major downside of toaster strudel is that you absolutely have to warm it, whereas a Pop-Tart is flexible and can be eaten room temp. But a warm toaster strudel really is amazing

Allison: What I don’t like about pumpkin Pop Tarts is that they should be better. It’s like, if Pop Tarts respected us, it could be amazing. But they don’t. They phone it in.

Aimee: I feel that way about most Pop Tarts.

Marnie: Okay, my third pick might be....controversial. But hear me out: pumpkin pie

Aimee: Ha ha!

Marnie: The original pumpkin spice item

Aimee: It’s true! It’s so obvious, no one even thinks of it anymore. Someone should call it pumpkin spice pie.

Allison: Pumpkin pie is one of my favorite “bed pies.” Have I told you about that concept?

Marnie: Sounds self-explanatory

Allison: I wrote about it a few years ago. It’s essentially a family bonding experience where we all stay in bed and eat an entire pie together from the pan while watching old cartoons, like Garfield’s Halloween and Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Pumpkin is ideal for this.

Allison: The filling isn’t going to plop out all over the sheets. And the crust isn’t ultra crumbly

Aimee: Ah, yeah, I guess you wouldn’t have bits of fruit falling all over the sheets.

Allison: If made well, you can pick up a slice of pumpkin pie and eat it with your hands. Just like pizza (non-folded, of course). I very much encourage both of you to try this.

Aimee: And you can squirt the whipped cream directly into your mouth. No mess!

Allison: You understand me, Levitt!

Marnie: AIMEE

Aimee: Rolled in lots of cinnamon sugar.

Marnie: STOP TAKING THE GOOD THINGS WHILE I FAIL TO THINK OF THEM

THAT’S....CHEATING, SOMEHOW

Allison: I have not had a good doughnut in a while, and now it’s all I can think about.

Marnie: So just to be clear, we’re not talking about a filled doughnut

More like a cider doughnut, but pumpkinified?

Aimee: Well, I suppose you could... but yes, I was thinking of the cakey doughnuts. I love cider doughnuts so much.

Marnie: Yes please

Aimee: Oh, yes. With a variation for the stove!

Allison: Here’s your variation for the stove: fry it in hot oil just like any other doughnut. There ya go.

Aimee: My next pick is pumpkin spice oatmeal. With lots of brown sugar.

Marnie: Interesting—does it come in that flavor or do you add the spices to make it that way?

Aimee: Quaker does make that flavor, but I’ll bet you could just add the pumpkin spice if you want to do homemade.

My philosophy is that anything that tastes good with cinnamon would also taste good with pumpkin spice.

Marnie: Yes, I can’t imagine anyone being all in on cinnamon but out on nutmeg. Cloves? Mayyyyybe divisive. But it all seems to speak to the same palate

Aimee: Warming spices!

Allison: And it’s coldest in the morning! This is science.

Marnie: How does the pumpkin factor in if you make it yourself? Pumpkin puree right in there with the oats?

Aimee: The beauty of pumpkin spice is that there doesn’t have to be pumpkin. Only spice: the blend of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves.

Allison: Yup! You can just stir it right in, with a bit of spice, and maybe some maple syrup to sweeten.

Marnie: I’m going to try to court the CPG crowd with a busy, on-the-go pumpkin spice item: the Spiced Pumpkin Pie CLIF Bar

Allison: Never eaten this! I had a Clif bar once in the early 2000s, and that was the end of that.

Marnie: Yeah, you either love them or hate them. I love that they actually feel substantial, like you just had breakfast. Regular granola bars never make me feel that way. And the Pumpkin Pie CLIF Bar comes with a drizzle of icing that, in my opinion, could stand to be paired with a lot more pumpkin spice items.

Pairs great with coffee! People are going to hate me for this but it’s my truth!

Aimee: That’s fine. You have every right to it.

Marnie: Aimee, do you have a firm stance on CLIF bars?

Aimee: I do not because I’ve never had one.

Marnie: I somehow think you’d despise them.

Aimee: I think so, too, which is why I’ve never had one.

Marnie: Last two picks, Allison!

Allison: Alright — my fourth pick is pumpkin butter. What makes this so great is it has the power to make anything into pumpkin spice.

Marnie: Here’s my question with pumpkin butter: what does it work best on? I can never figure out what to apply it to

Allison: You can stir a spoonful into your oatmeal, or put it on ice cream, or into your coffee or tea. Literally anything.

Warm milk! Pancakes! Toast!

Serve it with pork chops, smear it on cookies or graham crackers.

Marnie: Has an application ever failed spectacularly??

Aimee: This is like the shrimp scene in Forrest Gump.

Allison: ^^^and shrimp is a bad place to use apple butter.

But if you don’t know how to restrain yourself when feeding yourself pumpkin butter you should just stop cooking. Let other people do it for you. You can’t be trusted.

Allison: Very! I shared my super-easy apple butter recipe here last fall. You can do that with cubed pumpkin, or canned. As always, just keep an eye on things, because it’s all visual cues on that one. The line between apples and pumpkins in fall desserts is very thin.

I don’t believe that apple butter needs to be a fussy, complicated thing to make. You shouldn’t…

Marnie: That’s a good utility pick and I feel like the voters will reward you for it.

Unless you mess it all up on the last pick.....

Allison: Don’t think I am, because I’m reaching into my personal back catalog again and going with . You know me and pudding.

Marnie: Picking your OWN RECIPE on the final round is A POWER MOVE

Allison: Damn straight it is.

Marnie: I begrudgingly respect this decision

Please tell us what makes it a worthy pick, for those of us who haven’t tasted its majesty yet

Allison: Pumpkin pudding is much creamier and luxurious than pie! And easier to make, in a way. You don’t need to fuss with the oven, and don’t need to worry about making a pie crust. I make a pie crust better than anyone, and honestly do enjoy the process, but it adds a good amount of time to the process.

Sometimes you’re okay with waiting a few hours for pie. And sometimes you’re like “I want pumpkin something within the hour,” and this is what can get you there.

Marnie: A shortcut to immediate pumpkin spice intake is key

Allison: Exactly. There’s a ton of variables I consider when coming up with recipes.

One of them being “how long do I have to wait before I eat this dessert”

Aimee: That’s always an important one.

Marnie: Sometimes you don’t need to consider cook time at all. Because sometimes the thing you want is not edible in the least. Folks, my last pick is a pumpkin spice candle. To make EVERY room in the house smell delicious, not just the kitchen!

Aimee: Ha ha!

Marnie: It is a far-reaching, long-lasting pumpkin spice item. Perhaps the most cost-effective, too.

Aimee: AND if you don’t like pumpkin, it’s still mostly a pleasurable experience.

Marnie: A signal of the changing seasons! Coziness incarnate. People of all palates can agree on smells, can’t they?

Allison: I believe I have at least ten of these in my house right now.

Even if it’s not fall outside, it can be fall inside, whenever you damn well please. You guys need to try lighting up one of those bad boys in April and see how that changes you.

Aimee: As long as they’re not those cinnamon brooms. I don’t know why, but they annoy the crap out of me.

Allison: What are these cinnamon brooms? Another midwest thing?

Aimee: They sell them at Trader Joe’s. They’re in the front where you first walk in, with the pumpkins and the plants, so you can’t avoid them.

Marnie: They look sort of sinister

Aimee: Exactly. They’d be good for witches, but they smell like cinnamon which is somehow not exactly witchy.

Anyway, last pick goes to Aimee! What’s it gonna be?

Aimee: My last pick is... pumpkin spice cotton candy. Mostly because I would really like to find out if you can taste the spices.

Marnie: Does.....does it exist outside of your mind?

This is the first time I’ve really thought about cotton candy having a flavor. Isn’t it usually just sugar, in technicolor?

Allison: I do not like cotton candy, and yet I want to try this.

Aimee: Once I tried a rosé cotton candy and it tasted like rosé if you did the taste equivalent of squinting.

These people are geniuses!

Marnie: I’m excited to let this Takeout Draft loose upon the world.

Aimee: Because no one is tired of pumpkin spice yet!

Who won this week’s Takeout Draft? Vote in the comments.

[kariachi]

So @mellenabrave and I were discussing a youtuber au this morning, then spent the afternoon discussing a fostercare au, so I ended up sorta melding the two into tonight’s fic.

Kevin Levin shows off his family.

“Hey everybody!” Kevin’s grin seemed to fill his face, to fill the screen, a flash of bone in a sea of metal and scars. “I know a lot of you have been wondering how the fuck I know so many youtubers who are into such different things, so I decided today I’m doing something special. Since everyone’s here for my older brother’s birthday, you all get to meet the family!” He rose from his seat, leaning into the camera.

“This is gonna be great.”

~~

“First up, the three lowest grade disasters in my life- about half my sisters.”

“What the fuck Kevin?”

“Seriously?”

“I’m calling lowest grade disaster.” Kevin was still grinning when he came back into view, swinging an arm around the reptilian alien.

“And that’s why you’re my favorite.” He gave her a kiss on the temple before turning back to the camera, the other two girls rolling their eyes bemusedly in the background. “This is Helen, along with Shar and someone you may recognize- MagicCat250, or as we know her, Hey You.” A stuffed cat flew across the room and collided with his head.

“Kevin Ethan-!”

“Okay, okay, my other lovely younger sister, Gwen. Better?”

“Much.” Sighing, Kevin shook his head.

“Just, say hello to the internet people girls.”

“Hello, Internet People.”

“Hi guys.”

“Hello.”

~~

“And here we see the Heroboy-”

“Holy fuck Kevin get out of here!”

“Taking a shit.”

“Out!!” Kevin burst into laughter as a roll of toilet paper flew passed his head, stumbling backwards out of the bathroom. When he swung the camera back up is was full of a blue a white furred face, trying very hard not to smile.

“Also my older brother Blonko, who you may recognize from his cooking channel, Tastes of Home.” Blonko shook his head, waving at the camera.

“Hello, Kevin’s viewers.” He looked around the camera. “Why are you accosting Ben in the bathroom?”

“For views.”

“Of course.” With a sigh, he shook his head again. “Please show the rest of our family with their clothes on.”

“I make no promises.”

~~

“And here she is, the radiant, the powerful, the glorious-”

“This is the sort’ve introduction I could get used to.” The camera zoomed in in the brown-skinned woman’s face as she smirked.

“My older sister, Charm. Perfection. Best big sister.”

“Only big sister.”

“Still.” He turned the camera back on himself. “She doesn’t have a youtube channel, she deserves a youtube channel-” and the camera focused back on her- “leave a Like if you want to see her face on youtube regularly.” Charm rolled her eyes.

“Okay,” she said, leaning towards the camera, “I’m done.”

The screen went black.

~~

“Sorry about that,” Kevin said as video and sound returned. He was in a new room now, one with couches and a flatscreen tv. “I forgot to mention that Charm is also the worst sister ever born. But there are better things now! Look!” The camera’s focus was turned to the center of the room, where a preteen and two small children, all similar in appearance to Blonko and Shar, were putting together a puzzle. “Smalls!”

“Hi Kevin,” the preteen said, waving. The children perked up. In a heartbeat they were on one of the couches, crowding around the camera.

“Are you making a video?”

“Can we be in it?!” The was a very small gasp from the larger one.

“Can we?!” In the background, Kevin and the preteen were laughing.

“You already are,” Kevin said. The smallest suddenly rose up and disappeared from view, camera circling the couch until it turned to show Kevin sitting on the floor beside the preteen. The youngest was placed in his lap and the older one darted passed the camera to nestle into their sister’s. “These are the youngest, everybody. This is Shim-” he nudged her shoulder with his own as best he could. He was over twice her size- “and these are the nameless brats.”

“Revonnahganders,” Shim noted, “choose their own names. They are still too young.”

“Much too young.” The kids were visibly trembling with excitement, much to the older two’s amusement. “You gonna say hi to the internet people?”

“Hi!”

“Hi!!”

“We’re doing puzzles!” The look Kevin gave them was pure fondness. He grinned at the camera again.

“Congratulations,” he said, “you guys get to watch us do a puzzle.”

~~

“Wasn’t that the most fun you’ve all had in forever? I’m sure it was.” The camera was making its way down a hall, the walls covered in framed photos and children’s drawings. Some projects from earlier videos could be seen hanging on display. “But it’s time to move on to bigger, better things, things like food and the birthday boy-”

“There you are! Going around harassing everyone else with a camera.” Thankfully the new voice sounded amused, even as the ground went away. Kevin laughed and turned the camera back towards him.

A tetramand girl was holding him up by the back of his shirt, smiling and waving for the camera as he stretched to try to put his arm around her shoulders.

“Princess Looma Red Wind, everyone, of the Red Wind Kingdom. Another of my younger sisters.”

“Not quite.”

“Close enough.” There was more bemused headshaking, something that seemed to be a common thread among Kevin’s family so far.

“You’re impossible.”

“Impossibly awesome.” Looma moved the camera to focus on her face.

“I am so, so sorry for him.”

“Rude.”

~~

“Scratch what I said before, Looma is the worst sister ever. I have a lot of those. Now I still haven’t been able to track down the birthday boy, but I found the next best thing.” Kevin and camera rounded a corner and strode into a massive dining room. “More youtubers!”

“Goddamnit Levin!” A familiar face turned away from the camera with a familiar scowl. The other three just smiled and rolled their eyes.

“You may recognize Manny-” the focus went to a tetramand boy nearly a foot shorter than Looma- “and Alan-” an even younger black boy whose fingers blazed when he waved- “from their budding webshow, which you will all watch if you haven’t already because I’m linking it like five times.”

“Hey, Kev’s fans.”

“Adoring public.” Barely contained chuckles could be heard in the background.

“And I’ve done collabs with this one.” The camera refocused, this time on a chubby, blond white boy about Alan’s age. “Cooper, also known as TechLord, who still owes me twenty bucks for that cinnamon challenge bet.” Cooper blew him a raspberry, but smiled for the camera nonetheless.

“Hey guys, nice to be on the channel again, shame it isn’t kicking Kevin’s butt.” This time the raspberry came from behind the camera.

“Little shit.” Kevin turned the camera to the last person in the room. “Then, of course, we have somebody I know you all recognize-” he circled the blond to get a shot of his face, but he turned away- “the star of Fright Night-” more circling, more turning- “Sparkles, my beloved brother-” now he was flipping off the camera as he avoided it- “the biggest little shit in this house- Come on Mike, say hello.”

“Bite me.” How he wasn’t dizzy at this point… How either of them weren’t… Manny, Alan, and Cooper came into view with each rotation, fists against their mouths as they fought back laughter.

“Your fans love you, Mike, love them back.”

“No.”

“You callous bastard.”

“Go away, Kevin.” Finally, the turning stopped, Mike still facing away from the camera.

“Alright, you asshole,” Kevin said, scowl audible, “I hope your fans abandon you to an early grave.”

“Eat a dick.”

“Gladly.”

The other boys collapsed in their laughter.

~~

The camera was looking into a bedroom with two beds. A redheaded young man similar to Gwen was sitting on one of them, strumming a bass. Beside him was a hispanic boy with quills and a skunk stripe, watching along.

“I don’t want to disturb them,” Kevin whispered, “because they’re awesome and busy, but here’s my oldest brother, Ken, and third oldest brother, Pierce. Don’t worry, Ken’s gonna be in a video soon, you’ll meet him properly then. Pierce is gonna be in one too, but that’s a little ways off. You guys’ll love them.”

~~

“Date, April 19th, 2009. Place, my family home. I still haven’t located the birthday boy. I’m not giving up though! I will find him before the day is out. But first, I’ve come across more family for you all to see.” Turning the camera from himself, Kevin pointed it out the window facing the backyard. There were two large aliens in it.

“I’d like you all to meet my dad-” the camera zoomed in on the shorter of the two, large and green with a scar across his eye and a stump where there had clearly once been a tail- “and my stepdad.” Shifting to the right, the massive tetramand came into full view, complete with his scars, eyepatch, and missing arm. “He’s Looma’s dad. Warlord Gar Red Wind. They only just started really dating but, damnit they’re a match.” The camera zoomed back out, just enough to get them both in frame. They were chatting about something, sharing brief, easy touches as they did.

“These two are-” the breath hitched in Kevin’s throat. “They’re the only parents I’ve had in my life that were worth bothering with. That were worth anything.” He took and released a deep breath.

“We’re all fucked up here, in some way or another,” he said. “Dad, he found me when I was at my worst. During my worst downward spiral, when I was in the worst headspace, when I wasn’t worth shit. But he, he took me under his wing. He helped me. If it weren’t for him, I can’t promise I’d be alive right now. I can’t promise a lot of us would be alive without him. He’s the greatest dad anyone could ever ask for.”

“And Gar- We met Gar and Looma a few years ago, when Dad took us to his auto show after Ken, Blonko, and I begged. He’s always been good to us, even though some of us have histories that really should have had him refusing to allow us in his presence, nonetheless letting us hang out with his daughter. Treating us like family from the word go. Shelling out the money for this place so we could have more space. We were so crowded before, I mean we still are but we were so fucking crowded you would not believe- And not even for some underhanded reason, just because he loves kids and even then he liked my dad. He just, he wanted us happy.”

“They’re the best dads ever.” There was a halfhearted chuckle as Kevin turned the camera back on himself, wiping at wet brown eyes. “Fuck, I’m rambling.” He grinned at the camera again. “I’m just, gonna take a few minutes, okay? Then I’m gonna finally track down my fucking brother. Promise.”

~~

“This mother fucker took me three hours to find in a nine thousand square foot house!” The rodent-like alien on screen smirked, setting the large black shirt he’d been mending on his lap.

“Not my fault you couldn’t find your own ass with both hands and a map.”

“You are no longer allowed to talk to Mike. What are you even doing in here?” The other boy looked around the room, which was full of children’s toys, and shrugged.

“I wanted some quiet.”

“Well, too bad.” Turning the camera as he went, Kevin dropped down beside his brother on the small bed. “This is the guy, everyone,” he said with a grin, “the birthday boy himself, sixteen as of today. How does it feel?”

“A lot like last year’s birthday, but with less cake.”

“There will be cake, Alan promised.”

“Well then a lot like last year.” Smiling, Kevin threw an arm around his narrow shoulders and pulled him in close. He rolled his eyes as Kevin did so, but relaxed into his side all the same.

“Seriously guys,” Kevin said into the camera, “all else being equal Argit here is my favorite sibling. Best brother, best friend, and the guy who’s drug me out of more death spirals than I’d care to admit on film. Which is why I chose today to make this video, why I’m uploading it today, because this guy as wonderful and I need for every single comment on this to be wishing him a happy birthday. Every. Single. One.” Argit’s ears were lowered and he looked blatantly embarrassed as his elbowed Kevin’s die. It had no effect.

“If that’s the sorta sappy-ass video this is,” he said, “then I got shit to say too.” He resettled himself on the bed and looked into the camera. “On behalf of our family, I gotta thank you guys for subscribing to Kev’s channel. He’s been through a lot of shit and knowing you guys like him, that you guys look forward to his videos, has been really good for him. You guys give him the confidence boost he needs and a reason to keep getting up in the morning. So, yeah, thanks for being here for him. We all really appreciate it.”

“Okay,” Kevin said, pale face going pink, “between that and the stuff with Dad I think that’s enough sap for one day.” He grinned at the camera, shifting around to rest his head on Argit’s. “That’s my family, guys, I hope you loved them as much as I do. Thanks for watching, be sure to check the links in the description below for everybody’s channels, remember to Like to help me get Charm a channel and to wish Argit a happy birthday in the comments section.”

“Have a good night, everybody.”

[yalenas]

so, under the cut, actual, real, true positive rambling related to the -23+2... S1 scripts. may wonders never cease, honestly warning: this got long, and it’s a mess note: all the thank yous to infobellarke, they’re great and should feel great!!

disclaimer: idk and idc how off the charts i am about how one scene or the other was supposed to be interpreted, but for once i have something to be happy about, so yaaaay, here we go

“Bellamy studies her, impressed with her cool under pressure.” “Bellamy knows his stature is challenged, but, goddamnit, this girl makes him smile.”

okay but??? this is so great??? Bell is absolutely into stubborn sassmaster Clarke!! and i think that this is pretty much real Bell shining through the asshole-ry, while he has resentment with ark royalty (justifiably so!!), he has respect for people who deserve it, be it because of strenght or simple witty clapbacks

[entire unity day scene script]

first of all, Clarke not feeling festive and Bellamy joking clearly trying to cheer her up is my favourite thing, by then they knew each other well enough for Bell to know that Clarke can’t chill, just like he can’t either, but he tries, and lo and behold: it works!! she does smile, and then smiles again and loosens up a tiniest bit and joins the party

“These two have come a long way since landing here.”

i’m emo. that’s all.

“Clarke catches up to Bellamy as he’s walking to the shower, makeshift towel in hand.”

i’m Offended and Outraged that the actual scene didn’t go like this. also, tiny smiles again, from Bellamy this time

“Bellamy sees her practicality, but has no faith in this.” “Clarke, grim, she learned to cover her bases.”

what’s that? yepp, that’s the sound of coleaders coleading and working together

“Clarke gives him a slight smile, finding herself more and more impressed by his strenght.”

it’s good to see once again that Clarke knows how strong Bell is, and by now she probably considers him the strongest person she knows (and hey, vica versa!!). i really love this because Clarke really understands where Bell’s strenght comes from, and i wish we had more insight into both of their thoughts, because (please do not consider the later seasons’ sh*t writing here) from everyone they know each other the best

“Some medicine might be nice. [a half smile for a half joke] I’ll see what I can do.”

first thing first: this tiny little exchange is one of my favourite scenes ever, because it’s peak weird flirting and that was not a half smile, that was the softest Bellamy smile ever and i adore it. i can’t really explain, but their weird flirting is so /them/ and so typical, these tiny little moments ot trying to lighten the mood (also flirting because they suck), and just how honest and positive they’re around each other?????

“Clarke helps Bellamy drink then sits beside him against the wall.” “You feeling better?” 

once again i love this moment because it’s so cute despite the impending doom and the lot more blood than healthy. tiny nerds sitting besides each other, happy the other is getting better, in their little world. and by this time they trust each other so much, and would be okay just cutely staring at each other for hours if they could.

“Microscopic smiles.”

yes because as established before they’re silly nerds who don’t want to admit how much they like nerd flirting, alongside with weird flirting. shoutout to this scene because i love it too

“Careful where you step.” “Clarke manages a half-smile for the half-joke...”

another underrated but adorable flirty moment, also these half-smiles seem to be codes for not-so-half smiles (that was very eloquent, like the rest of this post)

“Another slight smile from Clarke - exactly what she thought Bellamy would say.”

Offended and Outraged once again that this bit was left out

“She meets his stare, admires his strenght.” “Bellamy considers for a beat - she’s right and he knows it.”

i’ll be crying in the corner, don’t mind me. one of these days they’ll get matching shirts declaring themselves the other’s biggest fan. they’ll fight people on it if anyone tries to question it

“He’s taking one last long look around the place he built when he sees Clarke watching him.” “You did good here, Bellamy.”

i’m likely wrong but i feel like even the description is from Clarke’s perspective, given how it’s his camp and not theirs, i really think that when she’s not really consciously thinking about it, she really considers the camp to be Bellamy’s work, just as Bellamy would do the same to things they did together. also i have zero idea why “when he sees Clarke watching him” makes me cry, but.... here i am

anyway, in short: S1 is the stuff of legends, i miss it, and i love these nerds who love each other a lot.