#I may love representation but I also love a good idiots to lovers

[jordsthejellyfish]

my typical rotations of ships to let consume my mind has recently, for the first time in probably years, gained a straight couple.

on an unrelated note, InuKago has taken over my life.

[changbunnies]

White Lines and Red Lights (18+)

♡ Pairing: Han Jisung x fem!Reader 

♡ Genre: college au, idiots in love (they are so oblivious), best friends to lovers, mutual pining, basically pure fluff, a smidge of angst? (it's barely there, mostly due to perceived one-sided pining that is in reality not at all one-sided lmao)

♡ Word Count: 13.4k (i may have gotten carried away)

♡ Summary: The spring semester is over, and summer break is sure to be full of fun and good memories for Y/N and her best friend, Jisung. The only problem being, they are both hopelessly in love with each other, and completely oblivious to how the other one feels.

♡ Warnings: reader's major isn't specified but is implied to be creative, jisung's major is also not specified but is in music, alcohol consumption, mentions of food and eating, many uses of the word "fuck" lol, lmk if i missed anything you think should be listed here !

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): slightly inexperienced sex (neither reader or jisung are virgins, but they don't have tons of experience either), lighthearted but also romantic sex?, petnames (baby), a lot of kissing. like so much kissing, nipple play, handjob, oral (m rec), fingering (f receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected piv, creampie (reader is on birth control)

♡ Notes: this was written for the @skzwritingcafe prompt "summertime confessions" ! i hope you like it and as usual, if you’re interested you can check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Hell is finally over! That’s what you’ve been happily telling yourself since 2:30 p.m, when the last of your final exams were complete and all assignment deadlines were met.

Did you reach the end of all your trials and tribulations with a passing grade? That you weren’t entirely sure of, but the instant relief when the clock met the fated hour expelled any worries instantly from your mind. It’s a problem for future you, your brain decided, because now there was room for one thing and one thing only: fun!

You were beyond ready to turn your brain off, to indulge in some much needed fun to clear the fog in your head, and to then settle into comfort and relaxation. You hadn’t had a moment of joy or peace in weeks, and you were most definitely due for it; the thin line that was your sanity could only handle so much more stress before it snapped. 

And that’s what you’ve spent the last hour getting ready for– an end of semester celebration with friends, a small reward after the grueling study efforts intended to revitalize those that turned into zombies over the course of finals week.

Parties aren’t typically your thing, being much too loud and chaotic for your tastes, but how could you say no when said party was being held by your best friend and his 2 roommates? And after the literal hell you endured during the last semester, and especially during this last week, you needed a night with your friends more than you needed oxygen. 

“You’re here!” Chan greets you with a smile after he opens the door, happy to see you after weeks of being stuck in the confines of your bedroom, having turned into an effective study machine.

“Hi Channie,” you return his smile as you step fully inside, giving him a quick hug after the door shuts behind you. “Where’s Jisung?” you waste no time in asking, eager to see the person you cared about most (no offense intended to your other friends.)

It felt awful not having time to see him the last few weeks; the only thing that gave you comfort during that time was knowing that he was equally as busy meeting assignment deadlines and studying for his finals as you were.

You wished you could’ve studied together, like you did when you were kids, but different majors meant there wasn’t as much crossover in what you were learning as there once was. But still, you took solace in knowing you weren’t alone during the struggle; at least, metaphorically you weren’t. 

Chan points you to the kitchen, and you thank him before you make the short walk there, a bounce in your step as happiness settles over you for the first time in what feels like ages. It doesn’t take you long to spot him, standing near the counter with his other roommate Changbin, as well as with a handful of other friends he’s made in his major.

“Sungie, I missed you!” you call as you jump him for a hug, which very nearly knocks him over. He yells out in surprise, just barely managing to keep his hand steady to save his drink as he shifts his weight to maintain his balance, stabilizing himself on his heel.

“Y/N!” Jisung yelps when your arms squeeze him tightly, and he lets Changbin take his drink from his hand to safely secure it elsewhere. He returns your hug as soon as he’s able, and you close your eyes before you smile at him, already feeling your drained battery recharging.

“Jeez, I know you missed me, but warn me next time! You almost gave me a heart attack,” Jisung mumbles his complaint in your ear, but you can tell by the smile he has on his face and squeeze in his arms that he’s missed you just as much, this hug being as healing for him as it is for you. 

However, he meant it when he said you almost gave him a heart attack, though it’s not for the reasons you might think. First: it’s true he was totally unprepared for you to launch at him with the intent to squeeze him into a hug, but that wasn’t the problem.

The real problem was that you looked so pretty, and after weeks without seeing your face, his heart was left with no defense against your charms. He’d been reset to zero, it seemed– his built up resistance and tolerance reduced to nothing.

And that went hand in hand with the second problem: his heart was beating out of control! You’re holding him so tightly, smiling at him so brightly, eyes sparkling under the fluorescence of the mundane kitchen light. He didn’t understand how something as small and trivial as the lighting in the room seemed to add to your appeal, but it did. 

Jisung steals a glance at his roommates, who are looking with a knowing smile that makes him want to sink into himself and hide. Why is this so embarrassing? You however seem as oblivious to how he feels about you as ever, much to his relief. His impossibly large crush on you will assuredly be getting in the way tonight, but he can definitely play it off, right? …right? 

Jisung ended up not drinking for the rest of the night, much too afraid of how flippant his mouth would become if he had too much alcohol in his system– the last thing he needed was to do something as cliche and embarrassing as drunkenly confessing all his feelings to his best friend. Though, even without the drink in his system, this night was killing him.

Why did you have to smile at him so prettily while pulling him to dance with you? Why did you have to giggle at him so sweetly when he made a joke? And why did you have to lean so close every time you spoke to him?

He cursed his past self for deciding to play the music so loudly, because the close proximity and feeling your breath against his ear every time you wanted to tell him something was making his heart feel like it was going to explode. 

You were wearing the perfume that he once accidentally let slip was his favorite of yours. He couldn’t remember the exact name of it, but the sweet, citrusy smell filled his nostrils and reminded him of all the times in the past he was close enough to you to inhale it.

Tight hugs, cuddling on his sofa on the weekends, laying in your bed watching anime until it was time for him to go home– all memories he cherished, because they were spent with you. And the moment he unintentionally admitted how much he loved the smell of your perfume, it seemed like you were always wearing it, and it drove him crazy.

It lingered on everything– or maybe he just found it easy to recognize given how attuned to you he was; and now with the distance you’d had, and how much he’d missed you the last few weeks, it was like your perfume was taking over his senses.

Jisung almost couldn’t think straight– it was like he was drunk, but on something entirely different from everyone else inside his apartment. To calm himself down, and reset his senses, he stepped out on the balcony for some time, willing his heart to calm by using the fresh air as a conduit. 

By the time Jisung enters the apartment again following his latest balcony outing, most of his friends have gone home with their respective designated drivers, with Chan offering to call the stragglers an uber or a spot to crash somewhere in the apartment. Chan was always like that during parties– the self appointed dad of sorts, always making sure everyone was well taken care of.

He looks past his friends to see you alone on the sofa, chugging a water bottle that he assumes Chan gave to you. “Trying to sober up?” Jisung asks as he takes a seat next to you, and you nod, making an affirming noise as you continue to take large sips from the bottle.

“Gotta stay hydrated too if I don’t want to feel all this tomorrow,” you finally respond when you’ve swallowed down the last of the water, though you're sure you didn’t drink enough alcohol to get a hangover. Your legs will likely be killing you more than anything, given all the dancing and jumping around you did. 

“Right, wouldn’t want you to end up like Changbin,” Jisung replies and you laugh as you recall the memory of a very intoxicated Changbin, who had way too much to drink in a short span of time but insisted he wasn't drunk.

He was incredibly affectionate, coming up to everyone to squeeze them into hugs and tell them he loves them, and dancing to girl group songs with so much passion that you’d think he was in some sort of idol audition. 

Changbin passed out first, to no one's surprise, and he had to be carried to his bed by an exasperated Chan while you and Jisung giggled to yourselves at the display, deciding you would both definitely be teasing him about it tomorrow.

“I’ve never seen him like that– he was still himself but like. Times a million,” you laugh, thinking about when a newjeans song came on and it made him effectively lose his mind. “Oh it’s late,” you say absentmindedly after some time spent talking passes, checking your phone for the first time all night.

Jisung peeks over, eyes widening when he sees the “02:37” displayed brightly on your screen. It was the latest he’d (voluntarily) stayed up in months; where did the time even go? “Guess we should sleep, huh? I can give you my bed, I’ll sleep here so–” 

“No way, we’ve talked about this before! I don’t wanna kick you out of your own room– just share your bed with me,” you said, almost sternly. It was true– you both had countless sleepovers over the course of your friendship, both planned and accidental, and every time he offered to sleep on the sofa, you vehemently refused.

However, those times you weren’t inebriated, and this time you definitely were (even if it was only mildly.) And besides that, with how weak he’s been over you all night, he’s not sure if his heart will even let him fall asleep if you’re next to him. 

“I-I mean– are you sure? You’ve been drinking so.. I dunno, I just like– didn't want it to be weird, I guess?” Jisung stumbles over his words way more than he wishes, and the way you giggle at him makes him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Way to play it cool, Jisung! If you weren’t being obvious about your feelings before, you definitely are now, idiot!

“C’mon Ji, you know I trust you with like, my entire life. It won’t be weird,” you answer with a smile meant to assure him, but all it does is make his heart pound even harder. It’s unfair how effortlessly flustered you make him.

“As long as you’re sure then– yeah, let’s go to bed,” he says as he helps you to your feet, and while you definitely didn’t drink enough for your legs to be unstable, you appreciate the sweet gesture. 

The minute you’re in his room, you flop right in the middle of his bed, a large sigh leaving you– you didn’t realize how actually exhausted you are until now. “Don’t fall asleep like that please, I don’t wanna sleep on the couch now that you’ve promised I can have my bed,” Jisung says as he walks over to his dresser, and you laugh in response.

“I won’t, promise!” You sit up quickly, wrapping yourself up in his comforter as you do– you won’t fall asleep, but you can at least still be cozy.

“You really should’ve brought a change of clothes if you were going to crash here,” Jisung jokingly complains you as he scrounges through his drawers for something that will fit you comfortably (and that he won’t mind parting with, because he knows he won’t be getting back whatever he gives you; which would be fine if it didn’t fill his head with thoughts about you being his girlfriend.) 

“Not my fault! It’s yours for creating the atmosphere,” you argue, arms folding over your chest in a rather mild display of opposition. “What atmosphere?” he laughs as he finally settles on one of his oversized shirts and tosses it over to you.

Comfortable. Secure. Safe. Happy. Loved. Cared for. You could only let loose so much because you were with him, could only have such a good time because he was there doing it with you. “..Fun,” you finally answer, clutching the shirt he gave you in your hands, deciding not to say anything further than that.

Better to avoid that line of thought while you’re recovering from being tipsy, you think– it’d be bad if you suddenly made an admission you weren’t ready to. An accidental confession at this point would risk ruining an otherwise perfect night with your friends.

It doesn’t take long for Jisung to find what he wants to wear to bed, and he leaves the room to allow the two of you to change separately. You put your prior outfit on top of his dresser before returning to his bed, settling underneath the blankets as you wait for him to come back.

You’re lying there for only a few minutes when he returns, turning off the light and carefully crawling in next to you, and finally settling in with his back pressed against yours. You both whisper quiet “good nights” to each other, willing your equally fast hearts to calm enough to sleep.

This isn’t the first time you’ve shared a bed with Jisung, and during the early years of your childhood friendship it never made your heart race the way it does now. You’d usually say something along the lines of “what’s wrong with best friends sharing a bed?”, the act always completely innocent.

You needed to sleep, and you didn’t want Jisung to sacrifice his bed when you could easily share it– it was always as simple as that. But in recent months, you’ve noticed that it stopped being simple; with your back pressed to his, the sound of his gentle breathing behind you, you realized it had started to make your heart race unbelievably fast.

You had begun to notice that same sensation in other moments too– like when he smiled at you after you helped him decide on a concept for one of his assignments, or when he’d call you after a hard day just to hear your voice, with his reason being that “talking to you makes me feel better!” 

It was the same for you, of course. Talking to him always made you feel better, a single smile enough to lift the heavy weight off your heart. He always listened, he always cared, and he was always there for you. That’s another reason these last few weeks were so hard for you; you didn’t have Jisung’s support, and not because of any fault of either of you, but because adult life and responsibilities got in the way. 

You wanted to make time for him, and you knew he wanted to as well; you still texted each other often, facetimed during the moments you allowed yourselves to rest, and it helped immensely, but also resolidified something you’d thought once before; that without Jisung, your life is impossibly dark. And that without his support, you weren’t sure how you’d get through the difficulty that life brings you. 

You sigh and roll over, looking straight at Jisung’s back. You came today to escape grim thoughts, stress, and self doubt, hoping that fun with your friends would shove them all away, but it seems they’ve found their way back to you regardless. It was bound to happen, you suppose, but you hoped they wouldn’t be back for a while at least. But, if there’s any solace to be had, you have Jisung next to you, and he always comforts you even with just his presence alone. 

You roll over a lot in your sleep, so when you first do it, Jisung doesn’t react. He figures you’ve just fallen asleep quickly after all the drinking and dancing, and now he can finally truly relax and begin to fall asleep himself.

He’s always tense at first, the close proximity making him nervous and unable to sleep, even if you aren’t face to face– because even though you’re his best friend, it’s an undeniable fact that you’re also a girl. A pretty girl at that, one that he’s silently been crushing on for years.

So when he hears your voice call to him, it’s unexpected, and it makes his heart pick back up in speed as his body tenses once again. “Ji, can you turn around?” you ask, and he freezes a moment, wondering if the remnants of alcohol in your system is what is causing you to ask something so bold. 

But no, you’re nowhere near drunk, and he’s probably the only one on earth who thinks the prospect of turning around to face his best friend during a sleepover is “bold.” This is an ordinary request, and it’s not your fault that he finds the action so nerve wracking.

He really needs to get over it so he can go back to being normal around you. “S-Sure,” you hear him stutter quietly, carefully turning to face you. Even in the relative darkness, he can see your features clearly enough to make his breath uneven.

Your pretty eyes, your cute nose, your lips that look so soft and kissable and– “Fuck, stop thinking about it. Get it together, Han Jisung,” he internally scolds himself. He hopes that you can’t hear the sound of his heart beating, or see the blush forming on his cheeks as he stares at you. 

“Can I ask you something?” your voice is quiet, almost a whisper. He can tell you’re serious, and he has no idea what you intend to ask, but the possibilities are sending him reeling. Did he stare at you too much today? Did you notice the way his face reddened every time you smiled at him? You were just so pretty that he couldn’t help it and– 

Were you going to ask him if he had feelings for you? Were you? Should he be honest if you do? Admit that he’s thought you were pretty for the longest time, has wanted you to look at him romantically for years, had wondered what your lips would feel like on his? God, he really needs his heart and mind to calm down, or he’ll never survive the rest of the night. 

“Do you ever wonder.. If you’re doing the right thing?” your question finally breaks him from his whirring thoughts, your voice still quiet and with an unsure hesitance to it.

Jisung’s expression immediately changes to one of care and concern, a bit taken aback by your question but entirely ready to listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind now that he can think clearly. “What do you mean?” 

“Like.. with college, I guess. Do you ever think maybe you should be doing something different?” You look him directly in the eyes as you ask, clearly searching for some sort of comfort, an answer that will help you come to terms with whatever complicated emotion you’re dealing with.

“Yeah, sometimes. I mean, I love music, but I’m not guaranteed to go far with it even if I’m good at it. I know that sometimes passion and talent aren’t enough. The people who succeed are usually lucky,” he answers honestly; he’s not sure if that’s what you want to hear, but he knows you value his insight and opinions, even when they differ from yours.

“What makes you keep going then?” You had such a hard time this last semester, and there were more than a few times where you reached a low point and wanted to quit. You were lonely, exhausted, broke, creativity entirely spent.. You questioned whether all that hardship was worth it, and if you’d be better off pursuing something more practical and mundane.

“Well.. It makes me happy. And I know that even if things don’t turn out how I wished, I think it would be more regrettable if I didn’t try, you know? Even when it’s really hard it’s also rewarding, and every day I learn so many things I would’ve never learned alone in my room, or at least, it would’ve taken me forever to get there by myself. I made a lot of new friends too, I have you and other good people to support me, and–”

You nod along to his words, taking them in and humming every once in a while to let him know you're still listening. He’s talking a lot, but you don’t mind that. You’re happy to know what he thinks and feels, his voice is soothing, and you feel less alone knowing he understands you to at least some degree, and is willing to help you through your hardships. That’s all you really needed; for Jisung to hear you, and reply in the thoughtful way he always does.

“And you know I’ll always be there for you, right? If you ever feel like this again, just tell me. I’ll be right there, the minute you call I’ll–” Oh, wait. Your eyes are closed, breath slow and gentle, now completely unresponsive to his words.

You fell asleep while he was talking? How long was he going before he even realized you were no longer listening? His other friends are right- he really does talk way too much sometimes.

He observes you quietly for a moment, giggling to himself when he hears the soft snores leaving you as he takes in your serene expression. He also realizes that the sky has gotten brighter, the sound of birds chirping becoming more prominent with each passing moment. How had the night come and gone so quickly? 

That’s what always happens when he’s with you, though– time seems to accelerate, while at the same time feeling like it’s at a stand still. The happy moments pass in the blink of an eye, but simultaneously seems to freeze whenever he stares at you. When you smile and laugh with him, it makes his heart burst, your shining eyes always taking his breath away. 

Reaching his hand up carefully, he tucks the hair that has fallen over your face behind your ear, smiling to himself when you unconsciously lean into his light touch. It’s so cute, how even in your sleep you seem to recognize it’s him, indulging in the comfort he offers you. At least, that’s what you’ve told him once before– that one of the reasons you like having sleepovers with him is because his presence makes you feel safe and relaxed. 

He's not sure if you even remember saying it, but he was so happy when you told him, and even now it’s something on his mind every time you two share a bed. He just wishes he wasn’t always so tense and nervous whenever you laid next to him, and he wishes he had more courage to always lay face to face and talk like you did tonight. Maybe one day he can hold you closer, wrap his arms around you and let his head rest atop yours.

Maybe he’ll kiss you, too– your lips, your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, anywhere you’ll let him. He can picture the way you’ll giggle at him, how you’ll playfully push him away while complaining that it tickles, and how he’ll wrap his arms around you tighter to keep you trapped in his affection. And when it’s all over he’ll tell you he loves you and–

Wait. 

He loves you? 

Well, of course he does. You’re his best friend, so of course he loves you! Totally platonically, of course. The fact that he’s had a major crush on you for the past few years doesn’t matter. Nope. Not at all. Surely he’s not literally in love with you, right? Because you’re his best friend and falling in love with your best friend is not only the most cliche thing ever, but definitely a recipe for heartbreak. 

So he’s not in love with you– he can’t be. It’s just a simple crush! It doesn’t matter that he constantly thinks about kissing you, or holding your hand while walking together, or how it’d feel for you to lay your head against him while he holds you during movie night. It doesn’t matter that he envisions what going on dates with you would be like, or what life would be like if you moved in together, or what your body would look like bare underneath his, or–

Fuck, he’s so in denial. He’s definitely in love with you, hopelessly so. His cute, endearing best friend, who he can’t seem to ever get out of his head. Do you ever think about him the way he thinks about you? Are you always on his mind, lingering in every thought the way you are for him? He desperately wants to know, but there’s a part of him that is afraid to find out, because what will he do if you don’t feel the same way? 

He forces himself to roll back over and close his eyes, because if he doesn’t stop looking at you, he’s never going to be able to stop thinking about it long enough to get some sleep. But even with his back now turned to you, hearing your soft breathing and feeling the dip in his bed from your presence is enough to plague his thoughts and keep the sleep he desperately needs out of reach for what little remains of the night. 

It’s been a few weeks since the night that Jisung finally admitted to himself that he’s in love with you, and whoever said being honest with yourself makes things better has definitely never been in love with their best friend, because actually what the fuck. This is the closest to hell he’s ever been, he thinks. Because he can’t seem to go a single moment without thinking about wanting to be romantic with you, and it’s driving him crazy. 

Holding your hand and cuddling during movie night, staying up all night on the phone talking about anything and everything, giving you sweet kisses after he tells you how much he loves you– he’s begging his brain to let him think about literally anything else, but it simply refuses. And now, sitting in his car together at a red light, is another such time where wanting to kiss you encompasses all his thoughts. 

You had spent time together almost every day since the night of the party now that your schedules were free, but all those times included the additions of your roommates or his. It’s only now, after a day spent at the beach, that the two of you are alone together again (thanks to the combined, scheming efforts of your mutual friends.) 

Chan loves the beach, and he goes whenever he can, but today he didn’t want to hangout there alone. He invited you, as well as his roomies and other friends, to come meet him there. And of course, you said yes, and of course, you had the most breathtaking swimsuit on underneath your clothes.

It was almost embarrassing, the way it stole Jisung’s breath away and made his cheeks burn red. He prayed he could blame it on the harsh sun, but there’d be no fooling Changbin, who was snickering behind him. 

“When are you going to finally confess?” Changbin asked when you were out of ear shot, and Jisung pouted, both because he was being called out about his feelings, and because he had no fucking idea when, if ever, he’d tell you how he feels.

“I.. don’t know,” he ended up answering honestly, continuing to look in your direction even as he spoke. You were splashing in the water with your mutual friends, your laugh ringing loud in his ears even with the distance between you.

“C’mon, Ji. Summer breaks are practically built for romance. You gotta make a move,” he’d said, and Jisung once again pouted. “Easier said than done,” he mumbled in response, something akin to dread settling in him whenever he thought about the possibility of you rejecting him.

“Jisung,” Changbin started, all sense of joking or teasing having left him, “I’ve been watching you pine over her since the day I met the two of you. You need to tell her, because I don’t know how much more of those looks of yours I can handle.”

“What look?” Jisung asks with a frown, turning his gaze away from where you are. “Like a lost puppy begging for attention,” Changbin answers nonchalantly, and the appalled reaction he gets from Jisung makes him laugh. “But seriously. I’ll ride home with Chan, so why don’t you take her home later? Get some alone time before you drop her off or something?” 

“But she came with her roommates. Why wouldn’t she leave with them?” Jisung asked, and Changbin laughed as he shook his head. “You’re so clueless, dude.” It’s common knowledge to everyone who came today that the two of you are so hopelessly in love with each other, but seemingly too oblivious to notice how the other one feels. And if Jisung asked you to spend some alone time with him, you’d say yes in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Maybe what the two of you needed was a little push– a reason to be alone together, a romantic setting to set the tone and finally get the two of you to move beyond the bounds of friendship. And if Jisung won’t act on his own, Changbin will take it into his own hands; mission “get these two pining idiots together” starts today. 

Changbin told Chan, who then told one of your roommates, who then told another. By the time the sun is setting, everyone knows the plan. You would be left alone with Jisung, by any excuse necessary. Thankfully, Chan came in his own car due to his tendency to hit the beach before anyone else, so he and Changbin wouldn’t be leaving Jisung stranded by leaving early.

The two of them left first, with the excuse that they’d be ending their day by hitting the gym– they’d actually just be relaxing on the sofa the rest of the day, but you and Jisung didn’t need to know that. Your roommates took that as their cue to prepare to leave as well, and the group of you helped one another towel dry enough to throw your clothes back on over your swimsuits. 

Jisung approached you as soon as he was done himself, waiting for you to finish packing your things in your tote bag before saying anything. “Hey, d-do you want to go get some ice cream?” he asked, mentally cursing himself for stuttering. Since when did asking your best friend if they want to get ice cream become so nerve wracking? 

“Of course!” you smiled, turning to your roommates next to see if they wanted to join. They all said no, of course, citing being tired or wanting to shower asap as their reasons, but urged you to enjoy your time with Jisung. You don’t find it weird at all, much too excited about eating ice cream to even begin to realize this was a planned set up. 

The sun was just beginning to sink when you arrived at your favorite parlor, excitedly bouncing up to the counter as Jisung trailed behind you with a smile. You decided to be adventurous, picking out a new flavor suited for the summer, while Jisung went with a classic choice of cookie dough. 

“Can I have a bite of yours?” it didn’t take long for you to inevitably ask him, and Jisung gave you an overdramatic sigh as he passed it over to you. Trading bites somehow always ended with you eating more of Jisung’s ice cream than he did, but that was okay with him.

He always ordered your favorite flavor, knowing that you can’t resist the temptation of trying the new one, but would end up wanting cookie dough more than whatever new flavor initially enticed you. 

It’s a bit of a ritual for him at this point; ordering your favorite while pretending it’s his favorite as well, acting like he's annoyed when you beg him for a bite and eventually end up taking half the bowl while offering him whatever flavor you ordered instead as compensation for his loss.

Do you notice the way he smiles after you take his ice cream from him? The adoration that lingers in his eyes as he watches you happily devour the sweet treat?

You skipped to the car when you were finished, evidently very pleased with your ice cream endeavors and not at all apologetic for stealing all of the cookie dough for yourself, once again oblivious to the way he does it all for you.

That would probably never change, and for the first time, Jisung wondered if that was okay. Did he want it to change? Did he want you to notice? He wasn’t sure what was best anymore.

And now here you both were, sitting at a red light while the sun sinks ever lower in the horizon, blue beginning to spread over the sky and little specks of stars finally becoming visible. Instead of looking at the street as he waits for the light to turn, he looks at you. You just looked so pretty, and all he could think of once again was how badly he wanted to kiss you. 

Jisung wished he had words to put what he thought of you other than a simple “pretty” but that’s all that ever came to mind. So, so pretty, impossibly so. Pretty in a way that sunsets and oceans couldn’t ever compare, at least not in his mind– he would always find you better, no comparison ever being good enough to describe what he thought of you. 

You’re in your own little world, humming along to the song playing through the speakers and tapping your fingers to the beat. However, it doesn’t take long for you to feel his eyes on you, your body alerting you to his lingering gaze and instructing you to look back at him.

The sight you're met with when you turn your head makes your face immediately burn; Jisung isn’t simply glancing over at you, or trying to check in with you after a tiring day out. He’s blatantly staring at you. “..Ji..?” his name barely leaves you, an unspoken question lingering in the air between you.

Why is he looking at you like that? What was going through his head right now? Your face heats up exponentially, watching as his eyes travel over your features, seeming to take them in deeply. You instinctively hold in a breath when his eyes reach your lips, staring at them with an overt yearning. 

Your surroundings fade, music no longer audible, the light of the sinking sun illuminating him beautifully and drawing you even further into his gaze. All there was in this moment was Jisung; he was all you could see, all you could focus on, and it was the same for him with you.

You were always his first thought, always there at the forefront of his mind, but he always tried to push the deeper feelings away, because you’re his best friend and he shouldn’t think of you as anything more than that. But right now, he can’t help it.

His urge to kiss you is so strong, and he knows he can’t resist it the way he usually can. Your eyes that hold the entire world– no, the entire galaxy, his galaxy, in them makes his self control shatter.

Maybe Changbin had a point when he said that summer was perfect for romance. Because the way you look at him, with eyes shining under the twinkling lights that blink on one by one with the fading sun– he loves you, he wants to be with you, and that desire is consuming him. 

Your heart races as he leans closer to you, inch by inch. You lose all concept of time passing, a moment that in reality lasts mere seconds instead feeling like an eternity. You close your eyes, waiting; waiting for the moment you’ve craved for ages, for his lips to touch yours for the first time. How long had you pined for him? 

It’s hard to say exactly; In high school, when he got his first love confession and accepted it, it broke your heart. But at the time, you thought it was just because it meant he would have less time for you.

With time you moved on, deciding it was important to be happy for your best friend even if it crushed you for reasons you didn’t entirely understand. And eventually you entered your first relationship as well, and for a time you could forget about how lonely you felt from not having Jisung always near you. 

Neither of your respective first relationships lasted all that long; high school romances tend to dwindle as college draws near, after all. Life has a tendency to take people to different places, and some realize their ambitions faster than others.

It saddened you at the time, but you weren’t going to alter your life for someone else and you didn’t expect anyone to do that for you either. After all, 20 is awfully early to decide not to follow your dreams for the sake of someone else. 

But you and Jisung were still on the same path, and that had to mean something, right? It was like the days where you were distant never even occurred, the both of you picking up where you left off like no time had ever passed.

You were as close as you’d ever been, still seeing each other at every opportunity, even when you were drowning in assignment deadlines and exhaustive study efforts. He made time for you, and you made time for him, even when it was hard. Didn’t that mean something? 

Yes, it meant everything– at least it did to you. And so did he; Jisung meant everything to you. He always had, and you think he always will. You can feel his breath on you now, the warmth tickling your skin and your heart feeling like it’s going to burst from out of your chest as the gap between you closes. He’s so close to you, the closest he’s ever been. His lips drawn to yours, closer, closer, and then–

The shrill honk of a car from behind snaps you both from the moment. Jisung opens his eyes quickly, blinking for just a moment as reality settles back over him and he processes what was just about to happen. You do the same, turning your attention back towards the front and seeing that the traffic light had turned green while the two of you were lost in the moment you were sharing. 

He swallows, mentally offering an apology to the cars behind him as he continues to drive you home. Fuck, he really got carried away. Was he really about to risk everything you had together by kissing you? What would happen to your friendship?

He’s not supposed to like you, and you definitely don’t like him– at least, not romantically. He’s at least 60% sure of that; maybe even 70%. Get it through your head Jisung– you're just friends. Just. Friends.

You meanwhile are stuck in thought as well, though not in the same way. You feel light, almost? Buzzing with what could only be described as pure excitement, unfiltered joy seeping out of every pore.

He was going to kiss you!! He was really going to! That meant he liked you, didn’t it? Or maybe he even loved you? Loved you in the same you loved him, wanted to be with you in the same way you wanted to be with him? 

You take a peek in his direction, noticing his stiff hold on the steering wheel and the rigid way his body sits. He keeps his gaze straight forward, not daring to look at you, afraid of what expression he’ll be met with. He’d never forgive himself if he looked over to see you were upset with him, forever feeling like an idiot if it was his fault your friendship came to an end.

Maybe he’s just nervous, you think. That would make sense! He gathered his courage for a moment, and now he needed time to gather it again– it's not easy to overcome hesitation and let someone know how you feel about them, but this minor setback won't be the end of it. He’d definitely kiss you before the night was over! You’re sure of it! 

Okay, maybe you weren’t entirely sure of it. Because he’s still stiff and nervous when he drops you off at your apartment building, offering a strained goodbye and eyes not quite meeting yours. That’s still okay! Jisung is just shy– that has to be it! It won’t be long before he kisses you, you’re sure of it– for real this time! …right? right!

Maybe you should stop saying you’re sure of things, because you’re never right. It’s been a week since Jisung almost kissed you, and he’s been avoiding you the entire time. You didn’t understand– surely he was over his shyness by now, right? How much longer was he going to make you wait? It was agony. 

“Ji. Movie night at my place tonight. And I swear if you cancel again I’ll never forgive you !!!” you texted him dramatically, spamming various angry emojis for added effect. To your relief, Jisung agrees to come over and bring snacks as an apology for being busy. You don’t believe he was actually busy of course, but you’ll let him off the hook on that for now.

It's mid afternoon when he finally arrives, multiple bags full of snacks and sweet treats in hand. You smile and hug him tightly, noting that he’s still stiff but deciding not to dwell on that just yet– he’s finally here, after all! And if this plethora of snacks told you anything, it was that he genuinely was sorry for avoiding you. 

He tosses the bags on the coffee table, and you throw on a random movie you’ve already seen before, because the movie ultimately doesn’t matter– it’s just an excuse to see Jisung again. Unlike his usual self, he sits on the complete opposite end of the sofa from you, putting an invisible wall between you. Well, that’s fine! You’ll just move closer! 

You hear his breath hitch when you sit right next to him, glancing over just long enough to see you smiling at him. He’s so fucked– his feelings definitely aren’t under control enough for this; you're positively torturing him. How is he supposed to get over his feelings for you if you’re looking at him like that while sitting so close to him?

You purposely leave your hand close to his, waiting to see if he’ll hold it, but he doesn’t. He keeps his eyes straight ahead at the tv, evidently still scared to meet your gaze or be too close to you. Why? Why does he keep avoiding your eyes when you look at him? Why won’t he bring himself closer to you? Is he trying to forget it happened?

Does he not realize how badly you wanted him to kiss you? Maybe.. Maybe he’s scared to bring it up. Maybe he’s afraid of rejection, or of your friendship deteriorating from his outward admission. Maybe he’d rather bottle it back up, pretend he was never on the brink of kissing you, because losing you would be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

Is he scared that you don’t have feelings for him? Is that why even now, when his feelings have all but been laid out, he’s avoiding the confrontation? But he doesn’t have to be afraid of that– you love him. If he’s unsure, then you need him to know, and you’ll tell him yourself. 

"Jisung, look at me," you suddenly call to him, tone so serious that he can’t possibly ignore it. He swallows, forcing himself to finally meet your gaze head on, palms sweating as he anticipates what he’s most afraid of. "The other day, in your car… were you going to kiss me?" Fuck. He knew you were going to ask. 

You watch his expression change as his face heats up, a not at all subtle red encroaching over his features. "O-Oh, I–" he starts to speak, but immediately stops, words dying in his throat. Fuck. God Dammit. Even though he knew this would happen, none of the scenarios he crafted in his head seemed to be of any assistance. 

The excuses he conjured, the apologies that he knew he should utter, the words he thought he should say that were practiced over and over again.. All of that preparation failed him now, a sort of panic settling over him as his body tensed and hands clammed up further. 

Honestly, watching him flounder for an excuse or explanation that would allow him to pretend he doesn’t have feelings for you is kind of funny, (and oddly cute), but now really isn’t the time to let it continue. Now, after years and years of secret pining, it’s time for both of you to lay out your feelings clearly, verbally. 

"It would've been fine.. I wanted you to do it," you say with complete honesty, pushing away your own nerves and hesitation as far as you could. You couldn’t let your anxieties get the better of you now; you needed to say what you feel, and encourage Jisung to do the same, otherwise the two of you will always be stuck in the boundaries of friendship. You both need to swallow down the part of you that is scared and shy, or you’ll never move beyond what you are. 

His eyes widened, mouth falling slightly agape in shock. What? Huh? You wanted him to kiss you? But that would mean even if you don’t love him like he loves you, you at the very least like him, and surely you didn’t. There is no way you like him like that, because that would mean his friends are right, and he’s a clueless idiot. 

Fuck. Is he a clueless idiot? 

"I'm in love with you, Ji," you finally admit for the first time out loud, and while it’s nerve wracking to say the least, it’s also a relief. Your feelings have been a secret for so long (at least to Jisung they were, cause lord knows you’re an open book otherwise), and it felt good to say it, to tell him right to his face that you love him.

Even if you read into the situation completely wrong somehow, and he wasn’t trying to kiss you that day and didn’t like you, at least you no longer had to hide how you feel. "Since.. since when?" he asks, still a bit stunned and entirely in disbelief.

He can’t believe this is even happening, and there’s part of him that thinks this must be some elaborate dream; he must’ve fallen asleep during the movie, or maybe he never woke up this morning and this entire day has been part of a long dream. But no, he knows it isn’t a dream; because you are much too tangible, and no dream, no matter how vivid, compares to the reality of you. 

"I-I don't know, since.. always?" you answer, a slight blush of your own crawling over your skin. You don’t remember the exact moment you realized you liked him as more than a friend anymore, as you were still just a kid then. But you know that by the time high school came, your seemingly small crush had developed into much more, and in recent months, you finally realized the true depth of that feeling. 

Even when you were too young to understand what love is and what it felt like, even when you convinced yourself that everything you felt for him was purely platonic in nature, your feelings for Jisung were there. So.. since always. You’ve always wanted him close to you, always wanted your life to be spent with him by your side, always, always loved him above anyone else.

He groans loudly, throwing his arms up and covering his face in a display of anguish. "You're telling me you could've been my girlfriend this whole time?" You can’t help but giggle at his reaction, finding him impossibly cute and funny.

“It’s not too late for me to be your girlfriend now,” you say, and he immediately peels his arms away from his face, looking at you as if you’ve said something that he only could’ve imagined in his wildest dreams.

“Do you mean that?” he asks, hope palpable in his tone, eyes pleading for this to not be something you’re saying just to tease him. “Of course I mean that, silly,” you giggle a little, reaching out for his hands and squeezing them in yours, “I meant everything I said.”

“Oh my god, thank god– I mean, you’re really going to be my girlfriend? You’re not just saying it, right? I don’t have to like. Pretend I don’t have feelings for you anymore? Because it’s been driving me insane, and I don't think I can do it anymore, you're way too pretty and–”

“Jisung–! Shut up and kiss me already,” you interrupt his rambling, and he blinks once, twice, obliging your request as soon as the reality of your words settles over him. 

When your lips finally touch his, it feels so right– like everything you’ve ever felt or experienced in your entire life was all to lead to this very moment. It’s sweet, addictive, intoxicating– everything you have ever wanted, ever hoped for, and more.

His hands are hesitant, unsure of where they should rest and if it’s okay to touch you, but when you reach out to him and pull yourself closer, it’s all the permission he needs to let his hands wander. 

Years worth of suppressed emotions bubble to the surface all at once, both of you caught in the tidal wave of repressed feelings and urges. Soft, slow timid kisses eventually turn into full ones, deep and impassioned, with all the weight of your feelings pressed into them. Your hands rest on his chest while his move down your waist, fingers lingering on your hips for just a moment before bringing them back up. 

His tongue licks against your lip, tentative and almost shy, a silent hope lingering, an unspoken beg for your permission. You open your mouth, granting him what he desires with no restraint, your own tongue meeting his eagerly, coming together in a salacious dance. One of his hands reaches for the nape of your neck to keep you close, and you can feel him smile against your lips when it causes a noise of approval to involuntarily escape from your throat.

Both of your lips become red and swollen from their constant use, any sense of rhythm having completely degraded now that your open mouth kisses have turned into sloppy messes of tongue. It’s embarrassing how worked up he’s getting just from kissing you, and he desperately hopes you haven’t noticed how hard he’s gotten from it. But of course, you have noticed, and you definitely intend on doing something about it. 

“Ji.. do you want to touch me?” you pull away from him to ask, and the reaction you get from him is immediate. “God, yes, can I?” The eagerness in his voice makes you giggle as you nod. “Just, uhm.. Get comfortable?” you suggest, shifting your position so that you’re on your heels, hands just slightly in front of you, making your intent clear to him– you want to be in his lap, and obviously he’s going to let you. 

Jisung leans back on the sofa, watching you crawl in his lap with bated breath before you pull your shirt up and over your head, tossing it to the floor beside you. You reach for one of his hands, guiding it to your chest, and he swallows thickly, the sight before him making him throb in his shorts. The fact that he gets to kiss you now, gets to touch you– it’s a dream come true. Though, the reality is much better than any of his many, many dreams of being with you. 

He lifts his other hand to you as well, completely forgetting he's using it to support himself, making him fall completely back against the sofa, head thunking on the arm rest. You laugh as he lets out a small “ow!”, his clumsy nature always endearing to you, and especially so during this moment; it’s the sweet, goofy side of Jisung that made you fall in love with him, after all. 

Jisung laughs with you once the sting fades, fully indulging in the sound of your laugh and the cute way your face scrunches, even if it is at his expense. You reach your hand to his head, rubbing it in soft, soothing gesture as you lean down, kissing him once more as he cups your breasts in his hands. The mewl you let out against his lips when he squeezes is enough to send him straight to heaven.

No, he already is in heaven, because nothing could be better than this; you on him, against him, kissing him, letting him touch and squeeze you to his heart's content. He lets out a hiss when you settle your full weight into his lap, his erection pressing directly against you. He gasps when you grind against him, and you use that as an opportunity to let your tongue back into his mouth. 

You stay like that for some time, making out with each other while your fingers are tangled in his hair and his hands squeeze at your flesh, but you’re beginning to desire more, and you can tell Jisung is too, from the way his body reacts with every subtle move you make. You separate from him, sitting up and bringing your hands behind your back to unhook your bra and finally remove it.

“W-Wait, your roommates–” Jisung’s voice comes out urgently, abruptly propping himself up on his elbows as a realization hits him, “what if they come home? While you’re.. we’re..?” Oh. You were still in the living room, huh? That fact entirely left your mind, much too absorbed in the man underneath you to think about who could end up seeing the both of you like this.

Well, they knew you were inviting him over today, and knowing them, they’d likely stay out for a while to allow you to have alone time.. But still, it’d be better to not risk having them walk in on the sight of you half naked in your boyfriend’s lap. “My room, then?” you ask, carefully removing yourself from atop him, and Jisung nods eagerly, quickly rising to his feet the moment he is able.

You grab your shirt from the floor, ensuring you leave no evidence of your actions behind before leading Jisung to your room with quick, eager steps. He’s been in your room a million times, but it feels so different now, given the context of everything that happened moments before. You both stand there a moment, not hesitant, but rather shy, deciding how best you should proceed from here.

You eventually decide to sit on your bed first, shooting Jisung a soft smile afterwards that lets him know he’s welcome to come join you. So he does; he carefully sits next to you, the newfound shyness fully settling over the two of you. You were acting in the heat of the moment earlier, your bodies reacting before your minds could catch up, but now that you’ve both had a moment to process your actions, it fills you with butterflies. 

There’s a moment where you stay like that, subtle blushes on your faces as you look at each other, before you speak up again, “Do you want to keep going..?” “Yes!” Jisung answers without even thinking, immediately clearing his throat after and trying to play off how eager he just sounded, “I mean, uhm– yes. Do you want to?”

The blush on his face flares when you giggle at him; he knows you aren’t laughing at him necessarily, but he can’t help the tinge of embarrassment that crawls up his spine. “Yes, I do,” you smile at him, and it’s so pretty and bright that he can’t even be flustered anymore; because more importantly than that, you want to keep going too– you want more, just like he does. 

So he smiles too, reaching out to you and pulling you into a kiss, both of you giggling into it softly. The giggles fade out as the kiss becomes more heated, you gently pushing him back and crawling back on top of him when his head hits your pillows, returning to the position you were in previously. 

Jisung’s hands are the ones that reach behind you this time, fumbling with the hooks of your bra while you kiss him with his face in your hands. Thankfully, he gets it undone on the third try, and you sit back up, letting it fall down your arms and subsequently tossing it aside. “..so beautiful,” he mumbles mostly to himself, but you still hear it, and it makes the blush on your face flare.

You grab at the hem of his shirt, wanting to see his body as well. He lifts himself off his back, helping you pull his shirt off, neither of you paying any mind to where it lands once it’s discarded. You trace your hands over him when he lays back again, from his broad chest to his slim waist, eyes drinking him in while your hands familiarize themselves with the feeling of his bare skin. 

You’ve seen him shirtless countless times in recent years, so you’re no stranger to how attractive he is, but it’s different now; different because now you can openly admire him, and don't have to pretend to not notice that he’s built like a greek god. Even Adonis himself doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty of Han Jisung. 

“You’re so pretty, Ji,” you tell him sincerely. The compliment makes the blush on his face darken, but he returns your smile, reaching his hands back up to you. “I should be saying that to you,” he responds, one of his hands resting on your waist, “you’re the prettiest thing in the world.” He brings his other hand to the nape of your neck just as before, gently pulling you back to him before you can reply, his tongue grazing your lips when they touch again.

He brings your hands to breasts now, cupping them in his hands as he did before. He can feel your breath shudder when his thumbs brush over your nipples, a soft mewl pouring into his mouth when he rubs them between his fingers. The stimulation makes your entire body shiver, your hips grind down in search of some sort of relief, soft groans leaving Jisung every time you press your body down on his cock.

You separate from the kiss, one your hands reaching between your bodies, settling on the waistband of his shorts. “Is this okay?” you ask, watching him for any sign of hesitation or apprehension, but there’s none to be found. Instead, you’re met with eager, twinkling eyes, anticipation written all over him as he nods, a soft “yes, please,” leaving him in a quick breath.

You shove his waistband down just enough to free his cock from its confines, a hiss escaping him when your fingers begin to trace him up and down. Your fingers gather the pre-cum leaking from his tip, spreading it over his length easily, and turning him into a wet, sticky mess. He watches in breathless awe when your hand wraps around him, entranced by the visual before him.

You, so beautiful and lovely, with your pretty hands on and around him, watching him and the way his body reacts to you with sweet salacity. He lets out a breathy groan when you begin to pump him earnestly, his eyes closing despite how badly he wants to keep watching. Your hand just feels so much better than his, so much softer and perfectly warm. 

You watch his face, committing to memory the way it contorts, the way his brows furrow and teeth sink into his bottom lip. You memorize the way his chest rises and falls with each quick breath, the way his thighs tremble, the way his stomach contracts as you drive him closer and closer to release. 

“Sungie,” you call to him, slowing your pace down just enough for him to be able to easily open his eyes and look at you, “want you in my mouth– is that okay? Can I?”

“Oh my god, yes, please, you don’t even have to ask,” he says between shallow breaths, far too excited to have your mouth on him to be embarrassed by the desperate display he’s putting on.

He props himself on his elbows, watching you scoot yourself down his legs and bringing your face right up to his cock. Your tongue comes out first, collecting the pre-cum with long, drawn out licks, and fuck, the sight alone is enough to have his eyes rolling back. You kiss the tip before you wrap your lips around him, his head falling back and curses leaving his lips as you sink your head down on him.

His hands grip at your sheets, desperately trying to hold himself back from bucking his hips up and choking you, because the last thing he wants is to accidentally hurt you. But fuck, your mouth feels so amazing, he almost can’t breathe. “God, fuck-” he gasps when his cock touches the back of your throat, your tongue rubbing the underside so perfectly.

He’s trying to hold it back, desperate to feel your tongue on him longer, to have your lips wrapped around him for just another moment, but he can’t. He releases with a strained cry, his cum filling your mouth in quick spurts. The unfamiliar feeling causes you to gag at first, but you recover quickly, swallowing all he has to give you happily. 

You release him from your mouth when you feel him begin to soften, laying next to him with a soft, satisfied smile on your face. “Was it good?” you ask him and he lets out a breathless laugh before he answers.

“So good, seriously, you’re amazing,” he says, turning his head to look at you with a small smile of his own to match yours, “but you already knew that, didn’t you? You just wanted me to say it.” 

“Maybe,” you giggle, and Jisung does as well, shifting to his side and pulling your body closer to his. He kisses you once more, tasting himself on your lips, but not at all minding it– in fact, he finds that he actually really likes it. It’s fucking hot, if he’s being honest. But there’s one thing that would make it even hotter– if your taste was on his tongue too.

“I want to make you feel good too,” he says, fingers resting on your hips, just above your own waistband, “is that okay with you? Can I?” The question makes your stomach flip, thighs pressing together at the idea of Jisung between your legs– you really want it. “Yes, I– I want you to.” 

With your affirmation, he lifts himself off the bed and lets you lay back, deciding to remove the last of his clothing before settling between your legs once you’re comfortable. His fingers hook in your waistband now, ready to take your shorts and underwear off together in one motion. He looks at you before he does, taking in your expression that is filled with shy anticipation, eyes traveling down your body next, stopping where his hands rest on your hips.

God, he feels like a virgin again with the way his hands tremble, the thought of you seeing you bare leaving him as nervous as it does excited. Why does his heart feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest? He’s eager, he knows that, and shyness still lingers, but there’s something else there that’s making his heart race out of control. 

It’s because he loves you, if he had to guess. You turn him to putty, one look from you enough to reduce him to a mere puddle. He doubts you know the effect you have on him, as he’s spent so much time trying to hide it, but he doesn’t have to anymore. Jisung can love you fully now– no need to hold back, to push it aside, to try and disguise it as the platonic love between friends. 

He can hold you in his arms, can feel your lips on his, can touch your bare skin, can put his all into making you as happy as you make him. He looks back at your face again, your expression is similar to his own. Eager trepidation written in your eyes, love and adoration lingering underneath. 

Your eyes meet his once more, shy but certain, and you smile at him, the way you always have. A smile that makes his brain go fuzzy, that fills him with a sweet desire, that makes him whole. You, the brightest star in his galaxy, so beautiful and perfect, whom he once thought was out of reach but now sits in hands, radiating love and warmth. 

If he is your Adonis, then you’re his Aphrodite; when you are together, the sun shines brighter, the world more vibrant, more beautiful, all because you’re there with him. He’ll love you until his last breath, and he knows you’ll do the same, a promise unspoken for now, but will one day leave him earnestly, down on one knee with a ring in hand. 

“I love you,” he tells you as he leans down, kissing you before you can utter a reply, slowly pulling your clothing down your legs as he does. Jisung’s earnest admission, paired with his actions, makes the heat on your face flare and body tremble, hands coming up to cover your face once the kiss is over as an even more intense shyness settles over you.

“Love you too,” you mutter, face feeling impossibly hot. Sure, you already admitted it earlier, but it’s your first time hearing it from Jisung, and the fact that he’s saying it during an intimate moment while looking at you like that? Your heart simply can’t handle it. Peeking through your fingers, you can see him smiling as he carefully pushes your legs apart and it makes a whine unconsciously leave you.

“Baby,” his voice calls to you, and the use of the petname from him definitely does your heart no favors, “why are you covering your face? It’s just me.”

“That’s the problem– it’s you,” you mumble, just barely managing to peel your hands away from your face to give him a pout. Doesn’t he know that the way you’re acting now is entirely his fault? It was much easier to push past your shyness when the focus was on him instead of you. 

Jisung isn’t used to seeing this bashful side of you and God, it’s so cute that he might have fallen for you even harder than before (if that’s even possible.) He smiles again, and you swear this surge of confidence from him has to be illegal– because the effect it has on you is positively lethal. Han Jisung is going to be the death of you. 

“You’re so wet,” he speaks softly in your ear, fingers rubbing through your folds and coating them in the proof of your excitement. “Jisung–” you whine once more, but before you can cover your face again, his other hand comes up to stop you. “Please let me see you. I need to know how you feel when I’m touching you. Okay, baby? Please.” 

Fuck. How can you say no after hearing that? You concede with a nod, lowering your hands in a silent promise to do your best to look at him, to let him see you no matter how shy or overwhelmed you may get; because if it’s what Jisung wants, you’ll do your best to ensure he has it. 

“Thank you,” he smiles as he gives you a quick peck on the lips, “in return I’ll make sure you feel so good. Are you ready?” You nod again, but quickly realize he wants you to actually say it, so you swallow down your nerves the best you can to allow yourself to speak. “Yes, I– I’m ready. Make me feel good, please.” 

His two middle fingers press against your hole, using the tips of his fingers to check for any resistance before carefully pushing fully inside. His first motions are slow, making sure you’re well adjusted to the feeling of his fingers and observing you for any changes in expression. Your body jolts when he finds the spot inside you that makes you see stars, head falling back as an unintentionally loud moan escapes you. 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, eyes squeezing shut, whimpers and moans unable to be held back with the way his fingers repeatedly prod at your spot. “Does it feel good? You like how my fingers feel inside you?” He asks, and even though you can’t see the smile anymore, you can hear it. You nod repeatedly, mouth opening to try to tell him, though all that escapes you are embarrassingly loud sounds of pleasure. 

“Can’t say it? That’s okay, your pussy is telling me everything I need to know. You’re squeezing my fingers so tight,” he says in your ear, pressing a kiss to your skin after. Oh, you liked that a lot– he can tell by the way you clench around his fingers, legs trembling and hands twisting the sheets beneath you. Maybe the fact that he talks a lot will be a good thing for once.

“You gonna cum soon? Want to cum all over my fingers? Go ahead baby, I want to see it, show me how good you feel.” “Oh my god, Ji-” you gasp; you’re so, so close– you just need one thing to finally push you over the edge. “K-Kiss, please, need a kiss,” you practically beg, looking at him with watery eyes and pouty lips. 

Holy fuck, does that make him crumble. How could anything be simultaneously so cute and fucking hot? He leans down to meet your request, free hand moving to cup your face while his fingers continue their ministrations, and that’s all you need to finally come undone.

Your entire body shakes, eyes rolling back as your release soaks his fingers. He keeps kissing you even as you come down from your high, letting you pull back for air as you please but always capturing your lips again as soon as he is able. 

You whine when he finally slips his fingers out of you, watching shyly as he brings them to his mouth to lick clean. His eyes stay on yours the entire time, and it makes the heat on your face intensify beyond what you thought was possible. He kisses you once more when he’s finished, tongue coaxing you to open your mouth, both your tastes melding together on your tongues, just as he wanted.

He’s hard again too– you can feel his cock pressing against you, begging for more stimulation that you’re more than happy to give. “Ji–” you pull away from his lips to long enough to speak, “please fuck me.”

He groans at your words, opening his eyes to look at you before he continues, “I will, I promise I’ll make you feel so good. But, I– I, uhm, I don’t have anything, I didn’t expect anything to happen, so..” 

“That’s okay. I trust you Ji,” you reply, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as you reach your hand to his face, “love you so much, just want you inside me.” He groans again, kissing you sweetly as he aligns himself with your entrance.

“You’re sure?” he pulls away to ask first, “It’s okay to change your mind, I can run out and grab condoms and–” You smile, shutting him up with a kiss before he can continue to ramble. You appreciate the offer, and the sweet consideration he has for you, but.. “I’m so sure, I promise. I want this.”

He returns your smile when you pull away, reaching one of his hands to grab yours, squeezing it before intertwining your fingers together. “As long as you’re sure, I’ll give you everything you want,” he says, a promise that extends beyond just this moment– anything and everything he has to give, it’s yours for as long as you want it. 

Jisung can’t help but let out a moan as he sinks inside you, eyes closing and head falling forward at the immediate overwhelming pleasure your body brings him. You squeeze his hand, your other one coming up to hold his face; you can feel the heat radiating off his cheek, can see the sweat that lingers on his brow and makes his hair stick to his forehead. 

When he opens his eyes to look at you again, his stomach erupts in butterflies, heart squeezing in his chest. You’re just as sweaty as him, face flushed and hair disheveled, and yet it’s the most beautiful you’ve ever been– and you’re smiling; the pretty smile that always turns his brain to mush and snatches his breath away. 

God, he can’t take it– he needs to calm down before the sight of you, paired with the mind-numbing pleasure that’s encompassing him, gives him a heart attack. "Sungie, are you okay?" you ask after a moment passes, concern growing on your face as you continue to hold his face in your hand.

"Fuck, y-yeah, I'm fine, I– I just.. this is so embarrassing, but I just like– I need a minute," he admits almost breathlessly, as if even the act speaking to you is a struggle– and in a way it is, because all his concentration is being poured into not cumming just from seeing your pretty face, or your beautiful body underneath him while being squeezed by your walls.

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere," you tell him sincerely, squeezing his hand in reassurance as you lean up to kiss him. You understand why he’s embarrassed, but you hope he knows that when he’s with you, he doesn’t have to be; you love him no matter what.

Besides, you have to admit you like that you have such a profound effect on him. And while the kiss doesn’t help calm his heart by any means, he appreciates your sweetness endlessly, meeting your lips eagerly despite himself. 

When his hips finally move, the sweet sound that pours from your lips sends a shiver through his entire body. He wants, needs, to hear it again, more and more, until his name is the only thing lingering on your tongue, the only thing you are capable of uttering between your pleasured moans.

“So pretty, everything about you, your body, the sounds you make, so pretty,” he tells you, though his lips barely leave yours long enough to say it. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging just enough to draw a whine from him, and he knows he’s done for.

Every sound, every touch, every glance, no matter how soft or how subtle drives him further into overwhelming bliss. He’s drowning in you, in the love and relief you offer him, lost in the abyss that is your care. He brings his hands to your legs, lifting them up and effectively folding you in half, aiming to find the spot that’ll have you crying out for him.

It only takes a few experimental thrusts to find it, and the way clench around him, voice ringing loudly in his ears as your legs tremble in his hold, it’s enough to make him want to cum right then and there. His pace quickens, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your body react to him, desperate to hold back his need to cum for as long as he can manage, just so he can have this view of you for a while longer. 

But when you start to whine his name, when you breathlessly tell him you can feel him twitching inside you, can feel him so deep and how you feel so good– his restraint crumbles in an instant, falling apart for you far too easily. His hips stutter as he drills into you, thrusts becoming sloppy as he chases his high. You bring your fingers to your clit, rubbing in quick circles, wanting nothing more than to cum with the person you’ve loved your entire life.

"Oh my fucking god, feels so good, you feel so good, I– f-fuck, I can't–" he babbles against your skin, his high so dangerously close, but doing his best to hold it back just for you, so that you can cum together. “Baby, ‘m so close, gonna cum, want you to cum with me, please, please cum with me,” he begs, voice easily the most whiny and desperate you’ve ever heard it, and your body reacts almost instantly, as if his word was the command you needed to finally let go.

You use your free hand to pull him into a messy, open mouthed kiss, eyes rolling back as you finally cum on his cock and let him swallow every noise you make. Your entire body tenses and shudders, his cock twitching as you squeeze him tighter, pleasured whines and curses tumbling from his lips as cum shoots into you, fucking you through your shared highs. He continues to fuck you until overstimulation and sensitivity takes hold, his body trembling as he pulls out of you.

He promptly lies next to you, arms wasting no time in wrapping around you, hugging you closely to himself as the two of you collect your breath. You can’t help but smile as you look at him, and he does the same, his unwavering love and joy meeting your own. You recognize that you should probably get up, should clean up and get dressed now before your roommates get home, but you simply don’t want to. 

You wiggle closer, pressing yourself against him, letting out a content sigh when his arms squeeze you tighter. You close your eyes for a moment, indulging in the security Jisung brings you, the love, the support, the safety of his touch, of his presence. He kisses the top of your head, meeting your cute, gentle smile with one of his own. 

When he looks at you, and sees the pure, obvious love written in your eyes, he's not sure how he always missed it. You look at him the way he looks at you– like he holds your entire world in his hands, the sincerest form of love shining in every glance, bleeding into every touch.

Your smile, sweet and content, eyes soft and full of adoration; they tell him everything. Even without words, he knows– you love him, now and always. A promise, unspoken but understood, that you'll always be together, that you'll always have each other. 

Jisung takes his time now, to do all the things he imagined he would do if he was ever granted this moment; he holds you close, he plants kisses all over you, he tells you how pretty you are, how perfect and beautiful, until you're giggling, a cute pink blush spreading on your cheeks as you playfully tell him to stop. And when he does, and you look at him with your gleaming eyes and adorable smile, he tells you he loves you, just as he's always wanted to.  

[bloopitynoot]

Shadowgast Corporate/Office-Au Rec List!

Hello I'm back again with more disaster wizard (well and in this case working professional but more office-like setting) recommendations!

This list is a little bit more bawdy than normal (I love a good smut fic, but I also try to vary the ratings on these lists for those who may not share my enthusiasm).

If you want to see my other shadowgast rec lists- they are linked at the end of this post. ANYWAYS- let's get into it!

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1 As per my last email

As per my last email (11651 words) by LivThael (I don't think they are on Tumblr- if they do please comment so I can tag- but they have a twitter listed in the notes of the fic) Chapters: 11/11 Rating: Explicit Summary: Essek Thelyss is an asshole with a questionable taste in spreadsheets. Caleb Widogast has more important and certainly more interesting things to do than filing travel expense claims. A series of mails turns into a escalating meeting. Or: Please stop writing me emails, I genuinely hate you. - Explicit content only in chapter 10.

What I loved: Anyone who has worked in an office knows a passive aggressive email when they get one. Plus we have the added bonus of having to deal with accounting to get expenses covered- ugh, so good. The energy of these passive aggressive- yet flirty workplace emails between new hire Caleb and kind-of-an-asshole Essek in accounting is *chefs kiss*. The build up to their meeting was written so well! I also really love the way the fic is formatted- the email style gives it an immersive feel.

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2 Paradigm Shift

Paradigm Shift (114,291 words) by full_time_dreamer_behold (I don't know their tumblr, please totally feel free to tag if they have one- i'll add it). Chapters: 28/28 Rating: Teen and up Audiences Summary: Recently moved to Rosohna, Caleb accepts a job at a prestigious law firm, but the work turns out to be menial and dull. Thankfully, his life takes a turn when he makes new friends and starts taking a curious interest in the IT Manager- the handsome and intriguing Essek Thelyss. Could he be reason enough for Caleb to stay in this place? He certainly intends to find out.

A friends-to-idiots-to-lovers slow burn with a sweet ending.

What I loved: This was such a lovely slow burn. It covers hard topics in a corporate kind of setting including racism, nepotism, and power dynamics that really suck but it handled with care and well written. I also really love the disability representation here! This slow burn is so so good, I super recommend! Also bonus it's the length of a beefy novel!

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3 the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing

the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing (172812 words) by MarsBar2019 (If you know Mars' tumblr please comment and I will tag- I couldn' find it in the notes). Chapters: 38/? Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast does not belong here. The world of sharp suits, board meetings, and billion dollar budgets is a far cry from Caleb’s preferred domain: the research lab. Where nobody cares about his faded T-shirts and raggedy jeans. But a year of industry experience will look good on his CV, and the hefty pay bump wouldn’t hurt either. How hard could a secretary gig be? What he finds behind the glittering edifice of Auriga, Wildemount’s leading name in arcane technology, is CEO Essek Thelyss, who maintains his domain with an acid tongue and an iron fist. It’s difficult not to find him intriguing, this handsome, guarded, brilliant man. It’s even more difficult not to want to please him. Caleb knows to keep it professional, though. Working late nights together at the office and lingering glances here and there don’t cross the boundaries of propriety. That is, until they do.

Or: the one where Essek Thelyss loses focus and has a consensual workplace relationship.

Updates weekly on Mondays.

E-rated chapters: Ch. 4, 9, 13, 14, 17, 18, 22-23, 26, 32, 38

Why I love it: Out of all the recs this one is the SPICIEST (and I love that). Head the warnings - there may be stuff that isn't for you, but if you, like me, enjoy a 6/5 spicy level fic- congrats this one will not disappoint. This story is in progress but updates weekly which is fantastic. We have big time and hot mess CEO Essek and his personal assistant disaster bisexual Caleb- of course it's an HR scandal waiting to happen, but also, Essek might come out a better person for it. I cannot recommend this enough, this fic is so so good. In addition to the smut, it's also just a really fantastic story.

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4 sleep, with benefits

sleep, with benefits (62272 words) by KmacKatie @kmackatie Chapters: 12/12 Rating: Explicit Summary: Caleb Widogast wakes up from the first good night of sleep in far too long. It takes him a moment to realise it's because he's not in his bed. Is it the better mattress (lump-free and like a cloud), or the fact he drunkenly slept with Essek Thelyss, the colleague he's been secretly crushing on for the last six months?

Why I loved it: Let me just start off by saying kmackatie is brilliant and everything shadowgast that katie writes makes my heart sing. In this fic Essek and Caleb are captured so well- they are both big idiots who act like scared cats around one another (even though they both want the same thing) but honestly- can there be any other dynamic? This hot mess of them not using their words eventually leads to the best of endings and you should all read it because it is so lovely.

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BONUS FIC: (high school teachers, less corporate feel, but not what I would throw on a professor or academia list so its a bonus for this one).

5 all this science i don't understand

all this science i don't understand (8858 words) by mllekurtz @mllekurtz Chapters: 1/1 Rating: Mature Summary: Caleb knew how he was with crushes, he was aware that historically they’ve brought him nothing but trouble, and vowed that he wasn’t going to develop one on his new colleague. This resolution lasted a remarkable twenty-four hours. * Small-town high school science teacher Caleb Widogast has his life more or less figured out, or so he thinks. Then an unexpected variable gets thrown into the equation in the form of the new addition to the teaching staff: the handsome and clever Essek Thelyss.

Why I loved it: This fic was so sweet. I have a soft spot for fics that play with chronology in their story telling and this one does a bit of that. It is a shorter read but honestly that works really well for this love story. Caleb of course falls hard and fast and Essek does not mind at all. Some angst, but they are written so well and so soft, Brilliant <;3

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My Other Shadowgast Rec lists:

Shadowgast fics that made me ugly cry

Shadowgast Space Opera-AU list

Shadowgast Bakery/Coffee/Tea Shop-AUs

As usual I devour all fics shadowgast so if there is a rec list you want to read that is tried and true- dm me or leave a comment. I always prefer to use my librarian degree for chaotic neutral purposes so hmu.

[I am totally thinking about doing a Professor/Researcher OR College-AU OR Time is a Weird Soup list next but we shall see!]

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[straighttohellbuddy]

i'd really like to hear about 5, 27, and 32 for the 35 fanfiction writer question game! if it isn't a game/i misinterpreted what you meant, i'm really sorry!

It is an ask game! Also I love you thank you!!

I'm putting this one first because I've wanted to talk about it for a while, and yeah it should probably be a post of it's own but here we go;

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I think there's a real art to being able to write X Reader fics, and I think the more you write, the more nuance you develop in order to weave a story around the reader's characteristics to make it inclusive while also personal. i think there's a conversation to be had about inclusivity in the YouTube x Reader community, and while the heavy prevalence of NB!Reader fics is amazing, we still have to look at what other biases we're inserting into our works. descriptions of, or moments regarding, the reader's skin tone, size, hair, clothing choices, family, etc, should be considered carefully if you're looking to make this as accessible as possible for the wide variety of readers. i appreciate people who specify if they're writing a particular type of reader (chubby!reader, or short-haired!reader, etc) because it sets a precedent for the fic, but if you go in without that caveat and suddenly the reader is being described as tanned or with long wavy hair or something, that breaks the immersion and alienates the readers who don't fit this narrow description. uh, also this is just a small thing, but when writing NB!Readers, don't forget about AMAB nb folks existing and being taken into consideration in your writing.

like i said, there's an art to being able to write around describing the reader, while still making the story feel personal. we just have to think about if what we're writing would make sense if we were not ourselves, if that makes sense???

also just personally i'd like to see more diversity in the people chosen for the representations of the read in IG/SMAU posts.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

I actually don't have one definitive answer for this because I've been writing for a very long time so I have a few favourites for different reasons.

for this blog; once you say it out loud it can't be undone {Corpse Husband} | 17K. non-fatal hanahaki au ft. bes frend ethan gameplays. of course this is my favourite, have you read it? it's good!

Feelings are fair game for nine months out of the year, but God forbid you develop a crush during Hanahaki Season; three months of coughing up petals just because you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? It’s a damn inconvenience. You haven’t had an active Hanahaki Season in the four years since you started YouTube, and you think that since you’re in quarantine, not going outside, not meeting new people, you’ll be fine this year too! Except that you start playing Among Us with a group of people you’ve never met before, friends of friends, including the elusive Corpse Husband, who’s kind, and funny, and may be flirting with you, but you’re not quite sure. The point is, you make friends with him not expecting much beyond a streaming buddy, but then you get talking more often, chatting and joking at all hours in DMs, and he’s calling you sweet nicknames on stream, and you wake up on the first day of your Season coughing up flower petals and cursing yourself for falling for a man who’s first name you don’t even know!

but also because i can and will plug my own shit

Reader Insert (also my Overall favourite rn); heard your name in every love song {Ben Hardy} | 72k. fwb-to-lovers, also the author clearly has an x-men hyperfixation. actor!reader.

When you’re twelve and you have a crush on your babysitter, your parents think it’s puppy love, think it’s cute, and you’ll forget about it soon enough. When you’re fifteen, and your former babysitter’s on TV in one of the UK’s most successful soap operas, and is still decidedly hot, all you can remember is the advice he’d given you, and how he’d let you win when playing videogames. When you’re nineteen and you score a supporting role in an X-Men film, the last thing you’d expected was to be acting opposite your former babysitter, and - as it turns out - romancing his character; he’s still decidedly handsome, and you’re definitely not a little kid anymore. He doesn’t even recognize you, and you know what? You’re glad.

OC Fic; Molotov Heart {Alex Summers} | 70k (ish). follows the sequel x-men trilogy and literally spans 20 years. ALSO CLEARLY THE AUTHOR HAS AN X-MEN HYPERFIXATION

Aoibheal Cassidy didn't hesitate to follow her big brother, Sean, when he's recruited by Charles and Erik, even if she's not technically a mutant (yet). By his side, she grows up as the youngest member of Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, but world won't wait for a girl to grow up, and her life is torn apart by war and disaster; things get worse before they get better. As the years pass, she realises she always ends up on Charles's team with Alex and Hank by her side, even if she's not the little girl they once knew.

and finally, purely canon fic: not from the absence of violence | Breaking Bad. 6.5k. au where jesse gets out of the business like he wants to in season 5, and comes home to find a teenage runaway living in his house.... actually its kind of a little bit of an oc fic but not the way my oc fics usually are.

Sometimes a family is one of the (former) best meth cooks in America, his two best friends who happen to be (former) meth dealers, a teenage runaway, and five million dollars. -- "...and the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it." - Richard Siken

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I feel very very lucky and very blessed to receive such lovely and kind comments on the fics that I write, but I've got two that stand out the most in my mind, and it's the comments @bingusmode and @marvelsmurphy left on the aforementioned once you say it out loud it can't be undone {Corpse Husband},,,, literally i would die for both of them. i reread the comments on that fic every so often because everyone is so damn lovely, but i just grin like an idiot and turn into that picture of kermit hugging his phone whenever i read their comments specifically. i love you guys

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

for my upcoming fic that i posted those memes about a few days ago; 'god's perfect idiot {Wilbur Soot}'

light-hearted streamer joins smp; shocks everyone with capacity for angst

I loved this!! feel free to send in more!!

[brw]

Reed and Sue for the character ask please?

REED

Sexuality Headcanon: I definitely see him as asexual!! Despite being almost 50 in canon he’s only ever really been with one person, Sue. He was only shown to have one girlfriend previously and even then their relationship for the most part seemed fairly one-sided so! Also despite being one of marvel’s oldest characters I could probably count all the times he seemed attracted to people on one hand fdcbfvhjvfbhj. he is an ace king <3

Gender Headcanon: A man but only by association <3 jk kinda but um i am fluid abt this! i definitely have written fics about him being trans or nonbinary so! but also it’s not a constant and i have plenty of cis-ish reed stories so yeah cdbdcbhjfcj.

A ship I have with said character: Him and Sue ofc is a big one :> one of the best classic marvel couples, if not the best! but ofc DoomReed is also a banger + him and Ben make a cute best friends to lovers dymanic fjhnfdv

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Ben 2: the electric boogaloo vfjhfjfvjdv but um yeah! they have a very sweet underrated friendship??? like i’ve said, why don’t they hug more! they’re best friends and more people should remember that abt their dymanic reed is way too polite to ben jfc i’ve called my friends idiots (affectionate) at least 100 times. BUT aside from that he has a very nice dymanic with the other marvel scientists (tm), honestly “Atomic Knights Of The Round Table” how much more nerdy can you get jfc. definitely want to see some flashbacks to them playing DND cdddfhfvhfh. and finally him & jen! i find it very cute and sweet how close Reed is to random people tbh, he’s a human capybara.

A NOTP I have with said character: I dunno if I really have one? I haven’t seen anything that really made me go “ew” with regards to Reed. Most stuff is OK conceptually. I guess at a stretch (lol) that au where Natasha/Black Widow had a crush on him was kinda weird. But that’s about it dcbfdhjdfvdh

A random headcanon: IDK why but I see him as a clothes hoarder. One of those people who’s wardrobe is 80% stuff he borrowed and then never gave back from others bhcfdhbfvdh. When he does buy his own clothes they’re absolutely awful and garish <3 so he just ends up taking others. Perk of stretching; everything fits. I also think he could be good at baking but only when extremely stressed out idk why cfdchfdfdvhj.

General Opinion over said character: Legend <3 get’s a bad rep for sure. Just an autistic stretchy man who loves his family very much and is a good dad. I hope he’s having a good day. One of the Comfort Characters (tm) for me. Do wish his funko pop could like. stand up and not fall down BUT ASIDE FROM THAT. 10/10 a perfect character for my wants and needs. 

SUE

Sexuality Headcanon: Bi sapiosexual <3 /hj

Gender Headcanon: Similar to Reed I don’t have anything strong however her and reed have strong t4t vibes and I like the idea a lot tbh. Easily could be marvel’s trans milf representation if they were not cowards! but um yeah fchjfcdhfdhj. nothing strong but a lot of nice concepts <3

A ship I have with said character: Yet again, her n Reed! They’re very sweet and the fact that they’ve been going strong as long as they have is an achievement! BUT ALSO her and alicia have strong Gal Pals (tm) energy so that’s also fun. I also rlly like BenReedSue for her I just think she deserves to have two handsome boys love her a lot.

A BROTP I have with said character: Her and Jan Van Dyne have such a nice cute friendship! I definitely liked when you can see them go out for lunch n stuff and gossip about their pet scientists and kick ass together they should do it more often. They’re good friends! I don’t think it’s been on panel much but I would also like to see her friendship with Wanda! They obviously talked at least once bc Sue copied her opera gloves look for a bit so they obviously are close enough that Sue felt comfortable to do that, so I’d like to see more of them too! I think they’d have more in common than realised. and OFC her and Alicia again. Very sweet and nice. I like how much they care abt each other and look out for one another.

A NOTP I have with said character: Her and Namor <3 get that shit away from me

A random headcanon: NO idea why and I think this may be a latent piece of canon in the back of my mind that I cannot recall but I think she plays guitar, specifically base and is pretty decent at it. I also think that the few movies she starred in in Ye Olde Days have become cult classics now :>

General Opinion over said character: Wife <3 one of the most powerful marvel characters in universe and i’d like everyone to remember it! More than capable of kicking ass. should be allowed to go feral more often. Also deserves to be drawn as the 50 year old she is jfc stop making her look Vaguely 20 she is the same age as Reed and Ben and I will maintain this until the day I die <3 sufferer of Eldest Daughter Syndrome but we can’t all be perfect. Marvel keeps nerfing her by having her be written by D*n Sl*tt and B*rne because if they let her be the 50 something y/o milf capable of taking out the Avengers in 0.5 seconds she’d be too powerful for them to contain.

send a character!

[tcheschirewrites]

Happy New Year!

Part of me wanted to do a Year In Review post, like I’ve seen a few other creators do, but instead of talking about myself (which I do for the entire rest of the year anyway lmao), I’m gonna do a reclist instead, of the best fics I’ve read this year. A lot of it is BNHA, because that’s been my main fandom for 2020, but I did spend a decent amount of time in other spaces. If you see a **, that means there’s boning at some point – if the fic is in bold, then there’s a lot of boning. I @ed their Tumblr if I knew it off the top of my head, but I may have missed some.

BNHA

Don't Yuck Her Yum by rumblefish ( @rumbllefish) (League of Villains Gen)

Complete – A quick disclaimer, pia is a mutual and a friend. That being said, this is such a cute little snapshot into the LOV with everyone’s favorite Found Family trope. Now, I’ll admit to being additionally biased because pia gave me that sweet sweet Dadpress food, but her Spinner is also on point. Short and sweet.

the Issue of the Jeanist Corpse (the Jorpse) by Princeliest (Hawks & Jeanist Gen)

Complete – Witty and hilarious, a deleted scene when Hawks went to visit Best Jeanist before War Arc. I love how antsy Hawks is, and how fussy Jeanist. Also, I’m a sucker for putting a j at the beginning of everything for Jeaninst.

Queer Eye: We're In Japan! And There Are Pro Heroes Everywhere!! by night_of_the_living_trashcan (Background Erasermic Family)

Complete – I love a good Queer Eye fic, and this one is so spot on. The Fab Five couldn’t get a better candidate than Aizawa (well, almost; see below). And I’m a sucker for Erasermic family.

 **Yesterday's Gods by Karzai (All Might/Reader)

WIP - Reader character is an ex-military doctor who comes to work at UA. If you’re a fan of very well-developed backstories, and reader characters that are their own people, then this is the fic for you. This fic gives me huge Newsroom vibes - we’ve got a past romance, and the tension after years apart. We get present day when they are older and more jaded, and we get the backstory of the reader character and All Might when they were young and spry.

**surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids ( @ofmermaidstories) (Bakugou/Reader)

WIP - Bakugou accidentally destroys a florist’s shop. Bar none the best Bakugou fic out there - his characterization is so on point. He is grouchy but so vulnerable, he’s coarse and soft and insecure and such a perfectionist. The relationship with the reader character develops very naturally, and the chapters are long. Bonus, we get some bangin’ Kiri as well.

 **if i could keep cool by andypantsx3 ( @andypantsx3) (Todoroki/Reader)

Complete – I’m in love with the premise of the fic: a hired cleaner gets kidnapped due to a misunderstanding of the romantic variety. Andie’s Todo is well written, and the pacing of the story is nice and tight. An easy read.

 **Subject: RAPTOR by Tainted_Wine ( @tainted-wine)(Hawks/Reader)

Complete – The villains have turned Hawks into a Nomu, and reader works collecting semen for the facility for breeding purposes. Bigtime monster-fucking, but it’s very poignant and well-done. Very long, but well worth the time.

 **My Hero by HeroAssociation(Aizawa/Reader)

WIP – Reader character is a milf whose son enters a contest to meet his favorite hero and wins. The author’s Aizawa is really good, and the scenes with the reader’s son are very realistic for maternal love. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, reader character is a milf. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t updated in a while, but the premise is so cute I can’t not include it.

 suffer the signs by advantagetexas(Aizawa/Reader)

Complete – Baby’s first hanahaki. Honestly a very cute little hanahaki – no angst or sads, just two idiots in love. A nice quick read.

 But they're soft... by coffee_dessert (Aizawa/Reader)   

Complete – Aizawa gets turned into a cat by a villain’s quirk, and the reader character takes care of him until it wears off. I’ve heard this premise is popular? But I haven’t seen too too many, and this one is very well executed. Aizawa’s characterization is solid, and the pacing is very good. A very sweet read.

**no grave to hold my body down by Hawnks (supermintfluff) ( @hawnks)(Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Pro Hero Shinsou saves the reader character, and they keep running into each other. This one is a good character study on adult Shinsou, and Hawnks’ writing is always very clean and lovely. I recommend going through their entire selection.

Love Like You by Queen_Kai (Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Color Soulmate AU with a villain reader. Very cute, and I adore Shinsou’s characterization in this one. I honestly wish there was more, but it stands on its own very well.

Naruto

**Maid with Benefits by awolangel (Akatsuki/Reader)

WIP – Reader is hired to be a live-in maid to the Akatsuki, and also have lots of sex. This fic is hilarious, and so well characterized. The pacing is actually really good, as well as the development of all of the relationships. There are some characters that get more attention than others, but we do get a nice spread. Very fun escapism fic.

Moonshine by Victopteryx ( @ancharan) (HashiMada)

Complete – Prohibition Era Bootlegging AU. Author’s handle on both Madara and Hashirama is incredible (and they draw their own fanart, and it’s also incredible). A whole-ass meal.

Tobirama Kicks Some Sense Into Konoha by allseer15 (Tobirama&Naruto Gen) 

Complete – Tobirama gets sent back in time due to an accidental jutsu, and is horrified at the way Konoha is run, and promptly Rampages over it. Wonderful catharsis for anyone who wondered why it was okay for a rich-ass old man to just leave an infant a welfare check and a shitty apartment and dip out on his development even though he has the equivalent of a nuclear warhead in his upper intestine.

Misc

**Clouds by moriamithril (Star Wars Rogue One, Cassian Andor/Reader)

Complete – Reader character is a handler/assistant type figure to Cassian over a series of missions. We get a lot of emotions in this one – we get the tenderness of caring for someone who is ill, we get devotion, we get yearning, we get delicious jealousy. Well written and lovely.

Fresh Coat by scrapmetal (The Mandalorian, Boba & Din Gen)

Complete – Fantastic Boba and Din, the Mando culture representation we deserve. I’m love.

**A Far Greater Sin (Reader version) by Yavannie (The Mandalorian, Din Djarin/Reader)

Complete – Reader is a healer, and builds a relationship with Mando over the course of a couple decades. Great pacing, great RC development, and the author’s Mando is quite good. The premise/setting gives me wicked fantasy vibes, even though it’s obviously In Space, but that’s definitely a draw.

who's gonna save us now (when the ashes hit the ground) by chancellor_valdez (Ready or Not, Grace/Daniel)

Complete – My favorite of the “Grace and Daniel Survive Together” subgenere, this one is very raw with its emotions. There’s a lot of hurt, and there’s a lot of self-harming coping mechanisms. Recovery is ugly, and the author did a very good job showing us that. And their ending was lovely.

not your garden variety demon lord by rizahawkaye (Inuyasha, SanSessh)

Complete – Sango takes care of Rin sometimes, and gets confused when Sesshoumaru brings her gifts. The author’s Sessh is so good, and it’s a great exploration of a relationship we don’t see much of.

Mine Enemy by Ayrith (Inuyasha, InuSan)

Complete – I love this fic, okay. Fantastic character study in Sango and a lot of the rougher parts of her that canon shied away from, and the author’s Inuyasha characterization is fucking great. Just go read this, yes.

Frozen Plus One by Meowzy (Frozen, HansAnna)

WIP – Troll AU, ie the trolls cursed Hans and that’s why he is That Way. Look, this author has done such a good job with all of the characters. Their voices are very distinct, and it’s not a reach at all to see how it could have gone differently. And we get some sweet HansAnnaKris action, and it is just as we deserve. Honestly, this fic is so well written, it deserves the world.

Knives In by anomalation (Knives Out, Marta/Ransom)

Complete – My favorite of the Pen Pals subgenre, this one is a fantastic slow burn. Ransom is really forced to face himself, and Marta is such a babe. Meg makes a few appearances, and her confusion over her place in the world is really well done. A great enemies-to-lovers.

It's Not Anxiety, It's a Parasite by squadrickchestopher (Venom, Queer Eye)

Complete – Look, I’ve mentioned before, but I love a good Queer Eye fic. Eddie gets what he deserves, and the symbiote couldn’t be more happy. So funny and clever.

You Find Yourself in a Maze by FloaromaMeadow ( @zombiekaiba) (S0 Atem Gen)

Complete – Very short and very poignant, the style is modeled after text-based command games. It fits super well with the Season 0 aesthetic, and there’s so much punch in each command.   

Gaud's Grinch x Tony Fix-it Fic by gaudy_writes ( @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses)

WIP – Look, I know, all right. Just read it.

[shuturxface]

Quarantine has, completely out of no where, compelled me to re-read The Life and Times. I finished three days ago and yes I’m still crying. BUT! to get my emotions out I wrote something of a “review”. It’s really just my thoughts about everything. No one asked but I’m posting it anyway. 

Please enjoy, it’s below. Be warned, there are *spoilers*: 

Thoughts and Musings:

I don’t particularly know why I’ve been so affected by The Life and Times this go around. I’ve always loved it, but I don’t think I’ve ever cried when Alice Griffiths (now Longbottom) tells Lily that she’s spontaneously marrying Frank Longbottom. And I also don’t think that I’ve ever felt more than fondness towards Marlene Price and Adam Mckinnon. And, I’ve always disliked Carlotta Meloni (especially during the summer and 7thyear), but I never actually hated her character. All until now. The first time I read The Life and Times, I really, really enjoyed it and appreciated the characters and the plot and the realism– like, come on, of course they’re not going to make out in the middle of an escape! However, I was, admittedly, disappointed with the lack of James/Lily action. Not that it was scarce, there certainly was a lot! But this time around, I finally realized why Jewels wrote it in that way. Lily disliked James – possibly resented him – for five years, and more strongly much more recently (I expect her unsavory opinions of him were most prominent during 5thyear, what with his excessive exclamations of “go on a date with me, Evans”). Of course, it’s going to take more than a few weeks to erase that! And it’s not like it could take less time, because, realistically, why would Lily want to spend that much more time with James if she wasn’t fond of him, and if they kept fighting. Honestly, their development as friends is much more interesting, and it shows an in-depth thought processes of fleshing out the characters. I am thoroughly moved by the fact that it doesn’t happen over-night or within a few days.

I’ve also read complaints about how James Potter is acting disinterested in Lily. To them I say: did you even read the goddamnstory?! Did you pass over the parts where he watches her when she’s not looking, and the parts where he is upset with himself for how strongly he feels about her?! If James Potter is anything, he is not an idiot (however idiotic he may act sometimes). From what the (actual HP) books show, James was interested in Lily and kept asking her out in their 5thyear. If I recall correctly, it was implied that he may have done so years prior. It is also stated, by Sirius Black, that they got together in 7thyear. Once again, that transformation from enemies to lovers is not going to happen overnight, and is definitely not going to happen if James Potter kept overtly obsessing over her in 6thyear. Also (!) there is a perfectly reasonable explanation Jewels gives us for why he acted this way: he wanted to get over her. Not only does this prove that he liked her deeply, not just superficially, but also that he got the message. He would have been truly, very thick had he not.

But back to the matter at hand. For some reason, this time around (I don’t remember, possibly third), I’ve been thoroughly engrossed and cried at different intervals of the story more so than before. I sobbed at the end of chapter 30, “The Worst Day Ever” in which it followed each character (Carlotta, Marlene, Donna, Mary, and Lily) on September 1st. I cried terribly during the last two chapters with the attack on the M.F.P. conference – the tension and the unknowing, and worst of all, the death of Sam Dearborn. Quickly, a word about Sam. Somehow, through so few chapters, Jewels created such a lovable character (limited in “screen time”) that his death (and Lily and James’ reaction to it) caused me to cry on multiple occasions. Jewels was able to capture the anguish of her characters so well, that for a moment I forgot it was a story at all and felt it myself. I cried when Sirius Black told Lily Evans that she “fit” with the Marauders, after she asked him why he was so sure she and James belonged together. I have absolutely no idea how she managed to utterly take me apart in the span of 3 days and 36 chapters, but no fanfiction has been able to do that.

I am fully in awe of what Jewels has created – The Life and Times is a work of art, capturing the 1970s in the Wizarding World perfectly. Would I like to see how each James and Lily, how Adam and Marlene, Mary and Reginald get together? No, I would love it. Am I still curious of how on earth all those 87 wizards and witches were murdered at the Magic For Peace convention, leaving no survivors? No, I’m haunted by it. And while there are parts that are frustrating to read (some sexist and misogynistic parts, especially from a few Ravenclaws are particularly uncomfortable), I also think she delivers an accurate representation of the 70s, which were much less politically correct that the world is today. She is not even encouraging this behavior because it’s all made by unlikeable “villainous” characters – not particularly evil, but definitely malicious.

Because Jewels created this story so magnificently, only she knew where it was headed and how it would play out. She wrote it so uniquely, using quick dialogue that made me feel that I was actually there. Phrasing her syntax in such a way that her descriptions were musical and poetic and completely relatable. Her chapter structures kept me on my toes, each one with its own unique flavor, yet all of them unified, flowing from one to the other perfectly.

Not only that, she created characters with strong, redeeming qualities as well as true, trying weaknesses. Lily Evans: she created Lily to be a kind individual that always sought to see the good in others, as J.K. Rowling told us she was. But she also made Lily imaginative and contemplative and romantic and strong, and, yes, sorrowful, fearful, angry, and (most importantly, if you ask me) not willing to discuss her real feelings with anyone, thus slightly hypocritical. James Potter: Jewels created James to be loyal, clever, more-than-slightly arrogant, humorous, brave, and even compassionate. But she also made him brooding, impulsive, hot headed, and many times, a prick. I could go on, but the main point is this: Jewels created complex characters. She didn’t make a wondrous, unfailingly kind Lily (if she were, why did she and James butt heads so viciously?), or a comical, lovesick James, a cheeky, brazen Sirius, a quiet, sentimental Remus, a quivering Pettigrew, or a moody, jealous Snape (yes, even he had more to him than this – drive and hunger to prove himself). Jewels created characters with depth! Characters that made mistakes and don’t just immediately learn from them. Hell, she made teenage characters in a fanfiction that didn’t ultimately think with their primary sex organ – characters that were able to see that there were more important things happening besides who’s shagging who. Of course, there were characters that were interested in this, but they’re not the type of people that would go to a protest at the Ministry of Magic (and, obviously, this just strengthens the certainty that James and Lily truly belong together). Essentially, Jewels created characters that are sometimes hard to like. She showed us real emotions and feelings and struggles like a proper novel. She went further than an exploration of two people’s love life and gave contextual reasons to their coming together, and why their relationship was so important in the greater scheme of Harry Potter. She created multiple storylines, intricately woven together, incorporating briefly mentioned characters in the Harry Potter series and giving them backstory and personalities. Jewels created a world within J.K. Rowling’s universe with complex political turmoil.

I fully and strongly admire the work and dedication that Jewels put into The Life and Times. I feel that it’s wishful thinking that she might return to this story after all these years (has it really been seven already?!), but I can’t help but wish all the same. I do understand because life does have a habit of getting in the way and people move on. I’m truly grateful for Jewels and what she gave to the world. No other fanfiction will ever evoke the feelings that The Life and Times does. No matter the emotional strife this story gives me, I will always be grateful, and it will always be my favorite. Thank you, Jewels.

[maybankiara]

i’m working through WWOH and i am realising that this fic has the potential to become the fic with the highest word count in the jiara tag on ao3. i love my most intense effort going into a niche fic <33 anyway bit of writing chat below the cut if anyone’s interested (and slight spoilers for WWOH)

when i started this trainwreck i had maybe 5, max 10 chapters in mind. seriously. now i’ve got three parts and eleven chapters planned out. part one’s first seven, part two is about the next five/six/seven, haven’t come that far. and there’s the entirety of part three, which will probably be the longest part. so we’re talking about a definite 20 chapters, at least. and bear in mind that each of the chapters will probably be around 10k, since i’m basing the chapters off thematic purposes and not length. each chapter has about a handful of scenes which rarely run below 2k words each. 

this is going to be a monster. the whole subplot of jj’s unresolved (and unexplainable) issues with pope, the enemies to friends to lovers thing jj and kie are going through, it was all supposed to be there but not... like that. it was supposed to be shorter. more concise. more dynamic. 

but lo and behold, i realised i can’t write jj making peace with his past without making him deal with his dad, and then this introduced an entire new subplot that takes over the majority of part two, and is crucial in jj’s character development. there’s also the growth of jj and kie, jj’s kickboxing career and a little bit of other things sprinkled in that are actual spoilers. 

and to top it all off, there’s the jiara romance, which may just be the biggest fucking slow burn anyone’s ever written. like, these idiots are proper fucking idiots. but we need that character development <3 everybody has character development. and kie and pope really feature prominently in part three, because guess what?? 

john b is also dead. and jj hasn’t gotten over it. so in order to live long and prosper, he needs to, which complicates things even more and brings in another subplot. 

(to be fair - most of these subplots are a part of the main plot since the actual main plot is kind of just these subplots. it’s a bit complicated. and i’m not that good at explaining.)

okay yes i did this to myself by setting up the premise that i did, yay congrats dea ily <3 literally there was no way to make jj ditch obx and kie and pope and then have kie come back ten years later and not have a shitload of issues to resolve. like. what was i thinking? i am a character-driven writer. my stories are driven by character development. plot is driven by the characters.

like there is literally no reason why i should’ve thought this wouldn’t be a terribly long fic. if it was to be written well (not saying it is written exceptionally well or anything just that if it wasn’t going to be utter shite) then jj’s character had to be entirely explored. this dude is traumatised and i somehow made him even more traumatised without really realising. i swear this is because i took up a course on trauma and we’re reading all the possible articles on representation of trauma in fiction and i just keep seeing how much it applies to jj and i just. well. consider me painfully trying to emulate everything that jj deserves, aka actual resolving of his trauma in a healthy manner and a manner that actually addresses the trauma, instead of glossing over it like obx actually did. catch me being bitter about that nearly a year later.

this started off as a jiara centric fic that somehow turned into a slow burn jiara fic that is basically all about jj because guess what, i didn’t even properly think about kie’s plot in this. she just kind of exists to help jj. which i absolutely hate. and only realised while i was writing this, so i guess it’s a good thing i did this, and now i have to go back and redo pretty much absolutely everything. 

(actually, it kind of fits for kie’s story to unravel in part three. okay. all’s not lost, but i was about to riot for a second there.)

anyway. wwoh is a mess but it’s my loving mess and i’ll try my damnest to finish it. it’s literally so self-indulgent and i’m writing it because i love the plot and the amount of angst i’ve created because i love to torture myself and anyone willing to read my work <3

p.s. if i ever actually finish that fic, i will probably have a mental breakdown. i’ll probably start and finish and publish my actual novel before i finish this. dear wwoh, here’s to likely years to come, may we be kind to each other <3

[evans-heaven]

My review...ish (tbh it's just some notes I made lmao) on Defending Jacob

I'm strictly focusing on the Barbers here, and their relationships. I'm saving all the comments I might have about any other characters, and the performances of all the actors for a final review of the series-if I decide to do one lmao. Also, this isn't completely spoiler free, I couldn't resist y'all I'm sorry 😅

It's also straight from my notes, long asf and unedited asf and I won't take offence if you don't read. I did however enjoy writing it 😁

(This is all in good fun and yes and I'm biased and no you're not getting my time of day if you attack me)

Okay I'm done let's get into it lol

The Barbers are picture perfect. That house belongs on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens and that kitchen belongs on a Food Network show. They eat sleep and breathe privilege, but they probably won't admit it, or are even aware of it. To them, it might seem normal, maybe they believe every family is like that, or at least, should be. Their lives mirror that of basically any white family on TV these days. They're the cookie cutter American household, a damn poster family. Which makes their situation all the more interesting.

I adore Andy and Laurie's marriage. Lowkey they make me feel like I'm third wheeling, with the way they handle each other 🤣🥺 but eventually something began to hang over their heads, and the atmosphere surrounding them only, completely changed. The differences became more clear and God knows where thats gonna take them. Andy hid the truth about his Dad being in jail for 17 years really makes us wonder what else he could be hiding, and tbh she may be wondering the same. If theres anything else below the surface it could ruin them even more, and that's scary.

Andy's relationship with Jacob is the perfect representation of a healthy father-son dynamic. Andy's not rough around the edges and tough with him. It's an unashamedly loving relationship, and something we need to see more of. Let's put aside everything that happened after Jacob was accused. Closed off as he might seem, it's so clear he admires his dad. And Andy is a man who would risk it all for his kid. It's as simple as seeing the way he looks at him. He can't imagine anything ever changing the way he feels about him. And he probably thinks Jacob will never give him a reason for that to happen. He says "I love you" to him without sounding like there's a knife to his throat, jokes around with him, calls him 'buddy' more than he does his actual name, overall it would seem like we're watching best buds with a big ass age gap rather than a father and son 🤣

But back to reality, even after his son is being accused of murder, and him and his wife don't seem to agree on where they stand, Andy believes Jacob. He just sees a scared kid. On the surface, at least, that seems like what Andy thinks about the situation. However, given how good a certain someone portraying Andy (which is very easy to forget, as said certain someone fucking transforms and i see very little traces of him in this peformance) is at conveying emotion without saying a word, Andy won't have to open his mouth for his true feelings to come about. But let's not forget, he went off the handle in a very hot way upon finding a knife in his kid's room. His kid who is a very heavy sleeper might i add lmfao. He also, felt it appropriate to bring up his imprisoned father, which I honestly feel like had to be on account of some of his true feelings, whether he'd admit it or not.

The moment shit hit the fan for the Barbers is moment, I'm sure, we all felt a shift. I said last night that my anxiety was high even before Jacob's accusation, but after, I felt like I was experiencing the Barbers panic and helplessness with them, almost as though I was the accused.

Which brings me to my next point. We need to talk about that scene. You know the one. Where Lynn informed Andy for a situation I'm sure he never, in a million years anticipated. The level of talent radiating out of a certain someone is unmatched. Y'all (who have seen the show) saw the way the emotions raced across his eyes-his entire damn face? The disbelief in his voice, the tense, defensive stance he fell into? The heavy breathing, the anxiety that fell over him, the way he raced home desperately? If there's anything this show did for me and I'm sure so many others, is making us feel like we were experiencing the severity in person. And that's so special to me.

I won't get too much into this, but the way Jacob was handled by the police...well let's just say we know that wont be the behavior with everyone. And it has very little to do with his age, btw 😅

The way he pleaded for his dad almost had me tearing up. Being a lawyer, he feels as though his dad will protect him and make this situation go away. And if I was a 14 year old boy who was arrested for such a brutal murder, a lawyer who just so happens to be the man that raised me would be my first request.

Idk how I feel about the whole murder gene thing. I did however love the way the scenes kept switching, from Jacob finding out about Andy's dad to Laurie finding out. Their reactions were so similar and relatable. However, if that gets brought up in court as "evidence", that person is going to, and deserves to, get called tf out 🤣

Andy was entirely too polite to that waitress who was, very rudely, staring at Jacob. Maybe it's my inner drama lover, but if she stood there like an idiot looking at my kid, another thank you isn't all she was getting. Avert your eyes or lose them sis 🤬

Seeing everything progressively fall apart for the Barbers, while Jacob remains quietly oblivious broke my heart. Laurie being sent home (and highkey being fired lbr), losing her best friend, and seeing her son be treated like a criminal. Andy being increasingly protective of Jacob's every move, is understandable. I'm super excited to see the lengths he'll go to when it comes to protecting his kid, which, if the trailer is any indication, may not have boundaries.

A few more short notes:

Neal needa get hit by a bus and I volunteer

Leonard is a creepy mf which isn't really surprising but STILL

Pam shooting Andy down was lowkey harsh but she still pulled through so 🤷🏾‍♀️🤣

Andy not giving Neal the satisfaction of being closed off and succumbing to whatever drilling Neal thinks he doing is satisfying asf

Andy Barber is a dilf™️ in every scene

Am I the only one who heard Michelle's accent coming through in some things she says?

Laurie throwing the food Toby brought her in the trash without batting an eyelash, I got how she felt but that shit hurt to see 🤣

The actor playing Ben looks like the love child of Harry Styles and Grant Gustin

Wtf do Sarah and Derek know 😭 its killing me

Cherry Jones is killing it 🙌🏽

So is Jaeden, kid is blowing me away.

So is Michelle, her emotions are fucking mine up

The score is intense and adds to the anxiety we feel watching the show and I don't appreciate my emotions being played with in such a way

Chris Evans deserves an Emmy and if he doesn't get it we riot.

That's all for now, if I post anymore notes on the other episodes, obviously it won't be this long as from this point we're only getting one episode a week. Hope y'all enjoyed (if anyone bothers w this 🤣)💕

[inawickedlittletown]

Loved tonight’s episode. I loved that we finally got to know more about Mateo. And really important stuff too! Mateo being a DACA (deferred action for childhood arrivals) person means so much. It is representation on a different level and that is very very important. I got very emotional during that scene where he’s talking about it -- about not knowing until he was 17 that he wasn’t born in the USA. That he had no control over his legal status in the country he grew up in and how much having that status absolutely means you just don’t know what could happen. Currently DACA as a program (it allows people like Mateo to have a work permit and be allowed to have a driver’s license and to exist in some legal way without being legal at all) is under revision by the Supreme Court...their decision on whether the program is kept as is will be made this June. A lot of people are affected by this and if DACA is repealed it will mean that a lot of people will lose their jobs or stop being able to go to school and that some may get deported. 

So watching Mateo cry about something that is SO REAL for so many people...it was a lot. And I appreciate that this show decided to go with that for his storyline. It gives real depth to his character and I loved Marjan helping him and getting everyone else to help him with passing the test. It was such a good way of showing how close knit the 126 have become. 

I enjoy Owen as a character a lot. I think that we do get a little bit too much Owen in every episode when there’s just such a huge cast of characters that just don’t get nearly enough screentime. But I have to admit that I’ve loved every bit of every Owen storyline so far. He was such an idiot when it came to Billy though even after Michelle gave him a warning. And I am excited to see how this ends up working out. I mean, eventually Owen will have to stop working right? I just hope that when he does it’s Judd that fills in for him. I also appreciate that we can add dog lover to hair care enthusiast and skin care guru as things that make up Owen Strand. 

Would have loved to see more TK in this episode and naturally I missed Carlos. And still waiting on that dinner scene...because I’m still not convinced that it was supposed to be in last episode. 

Just four more episodes left...anything could still happen. 

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 1995

There’s way more filler on this list, which is a relief because 1994 had almost enough material for a top 20.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

This is a strange list because I adore the first four songs but everything before them is mostly filler. No honorable mentions this time.

10 - Wonderwall (Oasis)

US: Not on the list / FR: #96

My brother was only 2 in 1995. Ten years later, he discovered Oasis and played the album Definitely Maybe on a loop in his room for days.

This is on the list just because of him.

9 - You Don’t Know How It Feels (Tom Petty)

US: #61 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaaaand this is on the list just because of my father, the major Tom Petty fan. Moving on.

8 - Be My Lover (La Bouche)

US: Not on the list / FR: #28

Perfectly standard good eurodance despite a mediocre rap bridge. Again, I don’t have anything to say about it.

Ok. Maybe I can admit this was brought back to my attention after all these years by this video which is a pretty accurate representation of my last three braincells.

7 - La Corrida (Francis Cabrel)

US: Not on the list / FR: #66

Surprise. This charted two years in a row and it was a honorable mention last time, and since I needed some stuff to fill the 1995 list this will do in a pinch.

So yeah, it���s a song about  bull fighting sung from the perspective of the bull. Here’s a translation. It’s great. You’re welcome.

6 - Tombé Pour Elle (Pascal Obispo)

US: Not on the list / FR: #71

This is the only Obispo song I ever liked, mostly because his voice does some weird shit on this song, and also because it’s very catchy. And it also was on one of these hit compilation things I had back then and I would never skip it.

The funniest part is that it sounds exactly like a love song, except the guy is, in fact, singing about his love for a random island. And that’s kind of hilarious. Check it out if you’ve never heard it.

5 - L’Instant X (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

The Anamorphosée album is my least favorite Mylène Farmer album from that decade. Yet this song is #5 on this list. But we’re not yet in the “very good” part of this top 10, so eh. Fair enough.

To be honest, it’s refreshing to hear a song with fun lines from her after her Ultimate Goth Phase Of 91-92(tm), even if the lyrics are still about her wanting “fun, antidepressants and wings” for Christmas. But I’m a sucker for sinister stuff packaged in funny lines, so... yeah. The guitar doesn’t hurt either.

I tend to hum this from time to time around Christmas, too. I’m sorry.

4 - Zombie (The Cranberries)

US: Not on the list / FR: #3

I started to actually own cds when I was around 9 (1997), a few years before I actually owned a cd player. Most of them were hit compilations and ambiant stuff. Only three of them weren’t.

I’m not gonna pretend Zombie wasn’t scaring the shit out of me as a kid, especially because I couldn’t understand a single word of the lyrics. But it sounded so intense, and dark, and epic, I couldn’t help but be fascinated by it, even if the mental image I had of the chorus was close to a banshee screaming about my own death somewhere in the highlands.

3 - Scatman (ski-ba-bop-ba-dop-bop) (Scatman John)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

You have every right in the world to not enjoy this novelty dance track. I understand. It’s okay. Everyone has their own opinions and taste. I can get behind that.

However, anyone who doesn’t like Scatman John himself, as a person, I mean, is free to come fight me in the pit, where I’ll be waiting with that tambourine I've been holding threateningly ever since my 1992 list has been posted.

Also, this was one of the favorite songs of one of my cousins, who died way, way too young several years ago, and every time I listen to this, I remember us listening to this song on his father’s cd player in my grandparents’ tiny garden, laughing like idiots, trying to sing as fast as Scatman John and failing. Good times. I miss you dude.

2 - Gangsta’s Paradise (Coolio)

US: #1 / FR: #7

I really, really debated if this one should top the list, I swear. I adore Gangsta’s Paradise, like a ton of people did at the time and still do. I had no idea what the lyrics were saying at the time - I only knew this was about a gangster, because that was in the title, and that his life clearly made him unhappy, because the song sounded dark and had menacing voices chanting over the chorus.

Deciphering the lyrics years later and trying to translate them only cemented my opinion that this was a very important and fantastic song that deserved every kudo it ever got.

Also it was the first track of the first hit compilation I ever owned, so you can bet I listened to it quite often, on top of hearing it constantly on the radio.

1 - Missing (Everything But The Girl)

US: Not on the list (...yet. #12 the next year) / FR: #41

This is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard in my life and I’m not saying that lightly. And I’ve been thinking that for, uh...

...quite some time, actually.

It’s sad (devastating, even. Holy shit.) and full of melancholy but weirdly tense and dark, and that dance remix makes it sound even colder and more distant. And yes, if you’ve noticed, it was also on that hit compilation cd I’ve posted earlier, and since that was one of the only cds I owned around 1998, I listened to this a lot. Weirdly enough, at the time, I was convinced that the person singing this song was a guy, and I’m not sure why.

Also, “and I miss you like the deserts miss the rain” was simple enough I could understand it very quickly after I started to learn English, and that sounded so profound and devastating to me at the time, you don’t even know.

Bonus: here it is on the list of my favorite songs I made back in February 2006, right next to Erasure (which made the previous list), Depeche Mode, and some other acts that will appear on future lists, because the years may have passed but my favorite songs kinda stay the same.

Next up: a list which is all over the place but has, in fact, no eurodance on it

[epen409]

My top 17 favorite Movies, TV Shows, and Cartoons of 2017 in no particular order part Deux

11. Star Vs. The Forces of Evil.

I enjoyed Star Vs.'s first 2 seasons. But I'll admit, it had some episodes I found to be pointless, or pretty bad (the biggest offender being the episode with the magician, which committed the unholy sin of letting the episode where "Weird Al" Yankovic guest-starred in be the show's worst episode). Season 3 blew the last 2 seasons out of the water. It got more engaged in the show's story, it's been developing the characters to newer heights, it's been answering questions and questioning answers, it's overall become Disney's best current, dare I say, show in general. If you haven't checked it out yet, please do. Watching through the more duds of episodes in the first two seasons is worth it for every episode so far in season 3.

10. Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie

Another satisfying ending to a beloved show. Hey Arnold! is Nickelodeon's best non-Avatar: The Last Airbender Nicktoon. It had heart, comedy and dealt with issues like neglect, alcoholicism, toxic relationships, Hitler, the Vietnam War, and addiction in a language kids could understand. And the movie follows the show greatly, by wrapping up its biggest mystery. It had action, adventure, romance, and mystery (I'm starting to sound like a record player here). It was another great conclusion to an amazing series.

9. Ducktales

With so many great endings comes a great new beginning. If you loved the original Ducktales, and today's cartoons, then you'll love Ducktales (2017). It starts off with, you guessed it, action and adventure, then brought us along on another mystery. It reinvented the characters and world to great new possibilities, and even cast a great new cast to boot. It's a great reboot, and I recommend you watch it if you like to solve mysteries, or rewrite history. WOO-OO!

8. Legend Quest.

NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THIS SHOW! Seriously though, this show is tons of fun. It's about a boy, a witch, two ghosts, and an alebrije (A Mexican myth), and all sorts of mythical adventures they take around the world. One thing I love about this show is how they take myths from all around the world (Mexico, Japan, Germany, England, and the most terrifying of all, NEW JERSEY. Shudders), and combine it all together in an engaging and fun story. So what are you waiting for? Hop on your Netflix account (or whichever one you mooch off of) and check it out!

7. Buddy Thunderstruck

Here's another severely underrated Netflix cartoon. Among all the new cartoons this year, The funniest have been Milo Murphy's Law (which I also highly recommend), and Netflix's Buddy Thunderstruck. It's fast-paced and hillarous comedy, with the dim-witted and egotistical but lovable main character, Buddy Thunderstruck. It's got hillarious episodes, the characters are insane but fun, it's overall, a great show that deserves more love.

6. Kong: Skull Island.

Guess what idiot decided to skip the great live-action movies of the year, like Blade Runner 2049, Planet of the Apes, and Baby Driver, and instead watched films like Boss Baby and The Nut Job 2. Sigh. But at least one of the great live-action movies I watched and enjoyed this year was Kong: Skull Island. It had great action, and an engaging story, with good social commentary. One problem, the characters were not the film's strongest suit, which is why it's sometimes hard to feel bad when one of them kicks the bucket. However the one character that stole the show from the giant monkey (it's more fun to say monkey than ape) was John C. Reilly's character. Anyways, please go check out Kong: Skull Island if you haven't yet. It's one of the year's best movies that I don't hear get talked about as much as the others.

5. Coco

We all know Pixar peaked after Toy Story 3. However, since then, they've made 2 very strong movies. 2015's Inside Out, and this year's Coco. It brought cultural representation, it had a while cliched, still very well-executed story, memorable music and characters, and has one of the biggest hearts I've seen in a movie for a long time. Truly one of Pixar's greatest movies. It holds a special place in my proud corazon.

4. Muppets Take The Hollywood Bowl.

Okay, this wasn't so much a movie or TV show, so much as a live show that not everybody could legally watch, but I don't care. Its one of my favorite memories of the year! The Muppets put on a good ol' fashioned Muppet show. No mockumentary style, no hit or miss jokes, just a plain old Muppet show, with music, monsters, pigs in space, Swedish Chefs, and heart. It was an amazing show, that had all sorts of surprises, including a guest, Bobby Moynihan who had his time to shine, but didn't get in the way of the Muppets either. If you guys want to see what I'm talking about, mainly the whole show is available on YouTube. Trust me, even after how the whole Steve Whitemire firing disaster went earlier in the year, it showed that Muppets are here to stay, and ain't going anywhere for the lovers, the dreamers, and me.

3. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

Truly one of the funniest films of the year. Captain Underpants makes you feel like a kid again, even with all the toilet-humor, it gives off the vibes of imagination, creativity and fun that should never die, even as we grow older. It's also a very clever comedy, even with all the poop, fart and diarrhea joke, which normally don't work, but with this film, it actually has some sense and charm to it. It was a good movie, and although it didn't get quite as big an audience, I'm glad to see it's getting a cult following. One of Dreamworks' best movies in the past few years!

3. Stuff that I jumbled together and didn't have much to say about but I'll try anyways (Steven Universe, Welcome to the Wayne, Trial and Error, Little Witch Academia, Camp Camp, Cuphead, Super Mario Odyssey, Trollhunters, My Hero Academia)

Steven Universe: although there weren't that many episodes that came out this year, (Thanks CN) there were still some great episodes with great songs, fun character moments and huge bombshells of surprises.

Welcome To The Wayne: Now you may have heard this one, mainly because people have been calling it a Gravity Falls rip-off. Well, the people who say that can shut up. Even if it does have similarities, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. Technically, Samurai Jack is a rip-off of a Frank Miller comic, and we all still love it. Anywhom, this show has a varied but very fun cast of characters, they have fun stories, and even an engaging story as well. If you passed on it just cause it has similar elements to Gravity Falls, please give it another try.

Trial and Error: It has a tightly knit story that comes up with surprise after another. Also, the mystery element of the show is also very strong too. You find yourself doubting who you think the murderer is. And trust me, the result is surprising and gut-busting. Its one of the best sitcoms since Parks and Rec ended. Give it a watch.

Little Witch Academia: A cute, beautifully animated and inspiring anime that's sure to tug at your heartstrings and tickle your funny bone at times. P.S. Akko is one of the best characters of the year.

Camp Camp: a hillarous and well-written cartoon on YouTube, that while it usually has a cynical attitude, has moments of humanity that are sure to bring tears.

Cuphead: although harder than a Christmas Fruitcake, a very fun and engaging game that also pulls off being a lovely tribute to the classic age of animation.

Super Mario Odyssey: One of the best Mario games in a while, and very fun and puzzling game.

Trollhunters: Another great season to this underrated show that brings fun action, adventure, characters and with how how it's going, I can't wait to see more from the world of Arcadia.

My Hero Academia: Although it starts off a little slow, it was still a very fun and engaging season that develops the characters nicely, and had one of the best action scenes from the whole year.

1. The LEGO Batman Movie

(Again, this list is in no particular order)

The LEGO Batman Movie is not only the best LEGO movie of the year (sorry Ninjago), but also the best Batman movie since The Dark Knight. It's goofy, it's hillarious, it's got references to Batman's mythos, as well as a few other franchises too, and a heartwarming message that shows even the darkest of knight can be light-hearted.

Here's hoping 2018 has more smiles and more great entertainment!

[britishsass]

I thought of what the mental figures in Lucrecia's mindscape would be. They would be the Tarot Cards of the Major Arcana! Which arcana would fit best. It's obvious that Ford will be the Lovers Arcana.

Oh, man, I love working with major arcana! I will preface this with the knowledge that I am a bit of an idiot about stuff, but I am super willing to learn. I find this stuff fascinating and I love dwelling on it, but I might not be right at all.

So, I'm assuming this is for Jarswitch. Ie: Bob is Maligula, Helmut shatters himself, Lucy is in the jar, Compton is in the gulch hiding, Ford’s breaking down and barely holding onto hope without his gf, Cassie’s handling this whole thing pretty harshly because her gf died, etc. Let's do this, folks. (I’ll also be including both Gristol and Otto, in case this is just “we move around the two couples” and in case this is psychoswitch au based ^_^ Both have different ideas for that stuff.)

Ford - Though you said "The Lovers", I personally see him as The Fool.

“The Fool is a card of new beginnings, opportunity and potential. Just like the young man, you are at the outset of your journey, standing at the cliff‘s edge, and about to take your first step into the unknown. Even though you don’t know exactly where you are going, you are being called to commit yourself and follow your heart, no matter how crazy this leap of faith might seem to you. Now is a time when you need to trust where the Universe is taking you.“ - BiddyTarot.com

He’s a person who’s created the journey they all undertook. The one who brought them together, the reason they’re all here. He’s not cautious, he’s aiming for the future, he’s the start of the Psychic 7 and the Psychonauts. 

However, it could also be that Lucy is The Fool, as it represents the person seeking answers! Keeping that perspective in mind, I’d say he’s The World instead, since The Lovers is usually a representation of two people together. 

“When The World card appears in a Tarot reading, you are glowing with a sense of wholeness, achievement, fulfilment, and completion. A long-term project, period of study, relationship or career has come full circle, and you are now reveling in the sense of closure and accomplishment. This card could represent graduation, a marriage, the birth of a child, or achieving a long-held dream or aspiration. You have finally accomplished your goal or purpose. Everything has come together, and you are in the right place, doing the right thing, achieving what you have envisioned. You feel whole and complete.“ - BiddyTarot.com

Yet again, this reminds me of what he means-- He’s the visionary, the dreamer, the one to drive them on. He’s the one who’s brought their period of study and all of that. He’s also likely planning on proposing-- Or maybe already did, since it’s been a bit more time together now. So she’s still thinking about the wedding they were going to have, before it all happened. 

Helmut - The Sun

“The Sun represents success, radiance and abundance. The Sun gives you strength and tells you that no matter where you go or what you do, your positive and radiant energy will follow you and bring you happiness and joy. People are drawn to you because you can always see the bright side and bring such warmth into other people’s lives. This beautiful, warm energy is what will get you through the tough times and help you succeed. You are also in a position where you can share your highest qualities and achievements with others. Radiate who you are and what you stand for; shine your love on those you care about.” -BiddyTarot.com

Helmut may have done some bad things in this au. However, I think his main trait in almost every au is that he’s the bright, happy person that they rely on. People like Helmut because he’s just a good person to be around. As such, I really see him as the sun! ^_^ (Also the symbolism of the next bit can’t be avoided because of it.)

Bob - The Moon

“The Moon represents your fears and illusions and often comes out when you are projecting fear into your present and your future, based on your past experiences. You may have a painful memory that caused emotional distress, and rather than dealing with the emotions you pushed them down deep into your subconscious. Now, these emotions are making a reappearance, and you may find yourself under their influence on a conscious or subconscious level. For example, if you had a car accident when you were young but didn’t deal with the emotions, you may get sad or anxious every time you get into the backseat of a car. To remedy this, connect with your subconscious mind and release any fears or anxieties holding you back.“ - BiddyTarot.com

Bob’s main thing in this au, since there’s a high likelihood he’s Maligula/ Rafflesio, is that he’s dealing with so much emotion that he breaks down. The memory of killing people he loves, the memory of hurting the people he so cares about, all of it gets to him. Of course he’s terrified. Of course he’s breaking down over all his fears, and he’s shoving it all down. That’s just who Bob is, overall.

Cassie - The High Priestess

“While The Magician is the guardian of the conscious mind and the tangible world, The High Priestess is the guardian of the subconscious mind and the teacher of sacred knowledge and hidden mysteries. Sitting at the threshold of the conscious and subconscious mind, The High Priestess has an innate ability to travel between these realms effortlessly. She teaches you that the world is not always as it seems and more profound influences are often at play. She ushers you through the thin veil of awareness, offering you a deep, intuitive understanding of the Universe and a heightened awareness of secret or hidden information.” -BiddyTarot.com

As Cassie is known to be a writer and have a deep knowledge of the self, I think this fits her really well. I don’t really have much to say here-- I just think it fits nicely.

Compton - This one is really hard for me to pin down, but I’d say The Hermit or The Hanged Man.

“The Hermit shows that you are taking a break from everyday life to draw your energy and attention inward and find the answers you seek, deep within your soul. You realize that your most profound sense of truth and knowledge is within yourself and not in the distractions of the outside world. You leave behind the mundane to set off on a journey of self-discovery, led only by your inner wisdom and guiding light. Now is the perfect time to go on a weekend retreat or sacred pilgrimage, anything in which you can contemplate your motivations, personal values and principles, and get closer to your authentic self.“ - BiddyTarot.com

He’s got a habit of being alone, and he hides away a lot to try to handle himself. He’s still anxious. He needs the time off, and he does enjoy solitude sometimes. Therefore, I thought about The Hermit for him. However, I have a deep love for The Hanged Man, so let’s talk about that one too.

“The Hanged Man reminds you that sometimes you have to put everything on hold before you can take the next step, or the Universe will do it on your behalf (and it may not always be at the most convenient time!). You may have heard the saying, ‘What got you here won’t get you there’, and that indeed is at play in this card. The Hanged Man calls you to release the old mental models and behavioural patterns that no longer serve you so you can see your world from a new perspective and embrace new opportunities that would have otherwise been hidden from you if you didn’t hit the brakes.“ -BiddyTarot.com

I’d say that still fits him pretty well! It’s about the need to rest and be away from work for a bit, something that Compton’s doing in the time of the game. Just my thoughts, though :) 

Otto - The Chariot

“The Chariot is a card of willpower, determination, and strength. You have discovered how to make decisions in alignment with your values with the Lovers card, and now you are taking action on those decisions. When The Chariot appears in a Tarot reading, take it as a sign of encouragement. You have set your objectives and are now channeling your inner power with a fierce dedication to bring them to fruition. When you apply discipline, commitment and willpower to achieve your goals, you will succeed.” -BiddyTarot.com

It suits him to be the one about discipline, as he’s the one who pushes onwards throughout it all. He keeps going, determined to do what he likes. However, there is another option I could see for him: The Magician. 

“As a master manifestor, The Magician brings you the tools, resources and energy you need to make your dreams come true. Seriously, everything you need right now is at your fingertips. You have the spiritual (fire), physical (earth), mental (air) and emotional (water) resources to manifest your desires. And when you combine them with the energy of the spiritual and earthly realms, you will become a manifestation powerhouse! The key is to bring these tools together synergistically so that the impact of what you create is greater than the separate parts. This is alchemy at its best!“ - BiddyTarot.com

He’s the one who keeps crafting, building, making things. It’s another thing that really suits him, in my opinion. 

Gristol - Justice

“The Justice card represents justice, fairness, truth and the law. You are being called to account for your actions and will be judged accordingly. If you have acted in alignment with your Higher Self and for the greater good of others, you have nothing to worry about. However, if you haven’t, you will be called out and made to own up to your actions. If this has you shaking in your boots, know that the Justice card isn’t as black and white as you may think. A level of compassion and understanding accompany Justice, and although you may have done something you regret, this card suggests that you will be treated fairly and without bias. Be ready to take responsibility for your actions and stand accountable for the ensuing consequences.“ - BiddyTarot.com

He’s definitely still made mistakes, and he’s still a bit of a brat in Psychoswitch. However, he’s trying to be a good person, and he’s owning up to his actions at least. I think it suits him. Not much explanation there.

Anyways, hope this helped! I really enjoyed getting to think about these for awhile. :)

[cijov36152-blog]

How To Get The Girls

If you want to know how a girl likes you, then you can study a lot of areas to improve your success rate. There is a lot of intelligence, but it is amazing how many men worry about what women do. This article includes some justifications, possibly even about some areas you haven't thought of, and will find useful uses as you get closer to seeing the next woman. Read More: Instagram Captions for Girls

Do you know that women are just humans?

It is clear that some girls prefer certain things in men that other women may take seriously. As the saying goes, "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder." Just because a girl does not like you, does not mean that you will get the same reaction in future. There is no secret here. Of course a young woman is not just there for you. Believe it or not, almost all women are just as much interested in finding the right woman as you are in finding the right woman. Also, girls like sex as much as men. After all, it is just human and if you follow some basic guidelines, you will not be pulling them in no time.

Also Read: https://bestgoodcaptions.com/

What's really good in your life

So let's say you can get a representation of what the next choice lines are and what lies ahead. You are very interested in talking to the girl and therefore you need to break the ice first and both should try to calm you just as much. So what are you talking about next? If you have absolutely nothing to discuss, you will get very bored and potentially fail to have a real conversation. The secret here is to first sort out your own life and fill it with all the good things that interest you the most. Do this and when you start talking you will find that trust comes naturally when you have a conversation topic. You need to have a really good understanding of who you really are before you can safely come across someone who is completely dependent and does not have any kind of nut bar. Don't forget that almost all girls address men with mild confidence.

Do you need to make a big impression?

So you managed to get a pretty girl to focus on you for a few minutes. What is the effect on you in this limited time? Will she remember what a wonderful man you are or will she wonder why he bothers to talk to you in the first place? Try not to get involved in the idea that it will make a big impact. If all you can focus on is coming up with righteousness, you will probably gain their trust, which can have far more impact than trying to show. If he can't trust you, then he definitely won't want to go near you. Therefore honesty and honesty is the best trick here. If you deserve the trust of a girl, you can take comfort in knowing that you are naturally made to leave a lasting impression.

Can you be her only friend?

Once you make a great impression, he will start thinking more about who you really are. Girls are sensitive men who we usually work on a boring deeper level than men. In some cases, they will try to find a partner. I understand that these are all seriously deep things, but you should know about this aspect of dating. After all, I'm sure that if she gets too strict on you, you're not trying to give a wrong impression, are you? Who knows, maybe you are searching for the same subject and if you want to know the clue. In short, the more time you spend learning about female psychology, the more you will enjoy the rewards of dating.

Are you very confident or shy?

It is hard to show so much confidence because it is so shy. You have to find the right level of confidence without pretending to be a gift to girls who look like arrogant idiots. If you are too shy, this may make you feel uncomfortable. There are some women who really like shy men and you too can try to play with this feature. To a great extent, however, most of you will want to try a more effective route because it produces more results. Anyway really getting into trouble in any way, reading tips on how to communicate successfully with women can still help improve your chances. If you really want results, it is worth knowing more about this topic. It will help you in many areas including your work, not just to be loved.

Can you talk to her comfortably

If you can really talk to a girl, there is a good chance that she is not only interested in you, but she is also likely to trust you. This can be especially the case if he participates in the same level of conversation with you. This is an excellent sign that you are all on the same page. You can also try to test the water carefully and move the connection in one or two steps. Do not be afraid to do so, as it is possible to be pleasantly surprised by the results, and also to be honest. Absolutely nothing dare to win anything. However, you may still need to be careful to get too far with it. If you can, pay attention to the signs of the corresponding body language. Try to be careful about how you rate it because you will sometimes find yourself in a relationship with girls who trust you and can communicate with you on the same level, but other than love For other reasons. If it is a working partner, this approach may be completely inadequate and will make you look like a fool. There is a time and place for everything. So make sure that you are safe before proceeding because you do not want to damage your reputation.

How does he react to the congratulations?

We all appreciate friendly praise and it costs nothing to deliver. When a woman shows that she likes your comments, it shows that she cares about your views about you. So try to be generous with your kind words, but do not try to make them timely, genuine and exaggerated. Of course, if you value certain points about a girl, don't be afraid to express them without making her feel awkward. If she is getting her hair done or applying a new nail polish, mention that you got it with a polite comment that you might like. He is getting a lot of praise for what he looks like in one area of ​​meditation. If you do this often, there is little risk that he will realize that it is your interest and you are a bit shallow. When it is hot, she looks confused, she must have heard a lot of praise for how she looks at first. It is worth noting to praise him in various ways to know about his opinions and achievements. This simple strategy will help you identify really well and keep the conversation going.

Can you be her best friend?

Most successful couples will accept that their partner is their best friend and lover. Being a girl's best friend is another essential part of winning her heart. To support this, you really must work to be more than just a random stranger before you start flirting. If you are able to get close to him by being kind at first, he will trust you. You can then consider moving forward to your next step. Keep in mind that she can also be very shy. Therefore, pay attention to the signs that tell you about them. Physical gestures can play an important role in determining how you feel about yourself. If you can support all of this, you will improve your chances.

Does he like it when you flirt with him?

An important part of being a girl like you is mastering the art of flirting. Flirting or teasing can be a real challenge for both parties, and often hints at motives outside of just talking. However, you need to be cautious because if you go too far and do wrong, you are not only wasting your time, but you are also fooling yourself. There are many do's and don'ts with flirting and you should make sure that you understand them well. It is also a good idea to find out how to understand and recognize the signs of the corresponding body language. If you have truly mastered the ability to flirt with girls, then you have no doubt the ability to find the girls you like more effectively.

Are you already touching

Are you still able to overcome the touch barrier? If you have not done so, this is an area that you should try to pay special attention to. Touch is indeed an integral part of any authentic relationship with a woman. It is very difficult to tell when to take the first step, because if something goes wrong with you, it can be seriously awkward. However, you should be able to find some clear indicators. For example, does she contact you or does she feel completely relaxed in your company? There are some approaches you can try here that are worth exploring. When you see that you can achieve this with a relationship, but not just cross the barrier of exposure, you need to ask yourself if there was the right chemistry and you should move on.

See you with

This seems like an obvious question, but a self-respecting girl who likes to be seen with a boy will not notice her presence. Try to imagine the two of you walking down the street together. Does the picture work in your head? Second, do you think that if you want girls, they will appreciate smelly body odor or dirty clothes. A little concentration on good care here will definitely help you. First impression matters a lot. Women pay attention to these things first, and don't even want to make a false impression before you get a chance to show them their many amazing qualities. Of course, when you stay in shape, healthy and well groomed, you show confidence. As mentioned earlier, all girls love a man who keeps a healthy faith calm. If you are not currently exercising, you may be wondering how much better you can feel with a small amount of regular exercise every week. It will still happen if you do not pay attention. Healthy, active people are more attractive than bed bugs. Buy a new outfit and try out some of the other items mentioned in this article.

Do you make him laugh

Most people are more comfortable in someone's company with whom they can laugh and joke. Humor lets you go to the ideal place with a girl really fast compared to many other methods. If you can make it a habit, try to practice as much humor every day. This is a great piece of advice for everyday, let alone dating. It is also a good idea to show that you are capable of joking at the right time. This shows that you are confident enough to deal with criticism and you are completely balanced. Let's face it, who really wants to date someone who reacts badly to criticism? Simply put, it is great to hang out with entertainment and very easy to go along with. Often, people will only laugh if they are on the same wavelength. There is also the added benefit of allowing you to remove the border quickly.

When you ask him

Of course, going out with a girl is the best way to get to know her and then maybe even get a little closer. If it is special, it is worth your time. Do not forget that women are as eager for men as we are for them. Of course, it makes no sense if you don't have the courage to ask questions. If you think it is too early, try to get to know them better in the safety of a group of friends or social club. When you are spending time with him, try to give him a chance for a special experience, which is best for the beginning of a relationship. Sometimes the best way is to slow down.

Do all girls like romance?

Romance can simply mean a peaceful evening stroll, flowers or picnic. It certainly doesn't need to take the price of the Earth and it shows that you work at a slightly higher level than all these boring men and that you really want to take care of her and make her feel special. We all know it to be a bit wet, but it is a well-known fact that almost all girls like a little romance. Being a little romantic can really make all the difference and honestly, watching a girl react is a real pleasure. It will make a world of difference in trying to earn a girl's heart. So don't take the romantic side of things lightly.

[redlemonz]

Day #3

Fuck everything. I can’t deal with this, what’s even happening. Ugh, all I have is this continuous warm, stabbing-like pain inside me which won’t just go away, following what felt like a bitter end to last night. Being human absolutely sucks to begin with, but even more so when you’re just a sensitive and emotionally vulnerable asshole with a chemical imbalance in his head which tells him everything is way worse, and you should deserve to feel way worse.

Day 3 - upside down & inside out

The above basically sums up the morning so far today. I woke up and punished myself, and will probably continue to, (trust me, it’s not really a choice I can make) for my actions last night. I’m an on-going detriment to myself as it is, so the real question is, why am I being one to her - even more than I already was. Just leave her alone & stop finding literally any excuse to contact her, even if it’s with good intentions - It’s not about you and it doesn’t matter anymore. Give her what she wants for a change - not you. She put up with your bullshit undeservingly for long enough.

Work. It’s a Thursday.. inching closer to the weekend - ugh, screw the weekend. Finding it difficult enough today to keep myself in tact at my desk as it is, let alone in my own lonely presence at home. I even shifted my scheduled yet unscheduled shower crying session to a different location - my car during the drive to work. Gotta change things up after all. Prior to leaving though, for some unknown reason today I decided to reattach my detachable hood to the coat-jacket-thing I’ve been wearing to work for the last couple years. Of all days, I feel like I needed it today. Not because it’s raining or anything - it’s actually a beautiful day (in which I picture myself walking BBT with her at One tree hill after work, hand in hand - great). Aside from being a wondrous fashionable alteration, I believe it’s probably more the fact that the hood gives me a false sense of security, as it shields me ever so slightly from the cruel world. I can keep to myself, only looking ahead and not having to expose myself to more, unnecessary features of society in what’s around me. Fashionable change aside, a change in myself is what I need fullstop to try get use to life without her. I can’t be the same guy I once was, as it’s all too familiar to my daily life with her. I have to be someone else.. I have to be something else (homage to the fictional guy who’s identity I’m saved on her phone under as). Which brings me to the daily cup of coffee I drank at work with the other two. No sugar or milo mixed in today (self made mocha recipe). I wanted to hate myself like the rest of the world and taste the absolute bitterness of life literally, and it definitely didn’t disappoint in that regard. I don’t deserve the sweetness. During this coffee time, I was also now starting to fail in my facade of chipper-ness. In fact I couldn’t help but openly admit to the other two, that unlike yesterday where I was trying my best to be upbeat and fine about things, that I’m not. I’m broken. I know it’s what thy wanted to hear as they saw right through me the last couple days anyway - and it’s time to start facing my own truth.. even if it’s slowly and steadily. Thankfully I was able to contain the tears. Im getting by through making small talk with other colleagues who don’t know about these circumstances, and being genuinely happy for them where I can. Glad to hear that your back injury is improving and that you’re attending all your medical appointments. Glad to hear your pregnancy is going swell as ever now, after everything you’ve been through. Glad to hear you’ve finally promoted to another team - you deserve it. Glad to hear that you think the new Doctor on the show being a female isn’t actually a problem - you’re fantastic. And so on. I just want to be able to be glad for her. Which once again it dawns upon me the constant emphasis and repetitive reminder that I need to exit her life.. to make things easy for her. Considering easy is what she wants. Pretty sure it’s quite distinguishable by now with everything written thus far that I don’t fit that/her criteria. I’ve never really been good enough when it comes down to it. I feel exhausted. It’s been a long as hell day at work & my anxiety has picked up, though still controlled as it’s still a small dose (which I am extremely thankful for). Somewhat ironically she’s actually helped me gain enough strength during our relationship to battle it - for now anyway. Let’s see, another memory to blabber on about just sparked (obviously it did - because this whole damn thing is about her and almost anything, as insignificant as it may seem, can form a link or be symbolic if your mind & heart are assholes to you) as a result of a colleague asking one of the ‘the three’ to borrow his umbrella as she broke the other one of ‘the three’’s umbrella and still owes him a replacement. Back when I was still stuck in the friendzone yet still head over boots for her, I had this cool umbrella with a samurai sword handle. She accidentally broke it through tripping down a small, not-very-steep hill on one of our many mountain walks together. I was just glad that she was alright. Then she stabbed me with said broken part of umbrella. Yup. Another accident (I hope), which caused my left thumb to continuously bleed. Never in my life I was so psyched to have brought an umbrella, and especially have the events follow in the way they did (with the exception of her falling). She so cutely wrapped up my thumb and first aided me with her scouting skills, with a bunch of leaves and whatever else she could find. My heroine. To top it all off, my thumb received a couple kisses from her, and eventually so did my cheek when we parted ways that beautiful day. From that day I still have a voice recording of her at the summit of the mountain as she was singing/shouting out the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson’s “since you’ve been gone”, of which the lyrics are now more than appropriate (yes I know, most songs are about relationships and love, if not bitches and money - which in a way are also their own relationships?). Her hair tied, black and white polka dot top & light blue jeans with a purple cardigan wrapped around them - looking as beautiful as always.. but nevertheless, back to the point at hand - She still owes me an umbrella. Though not really - the kisses I received that day and her company make up for it pretty well, and can generally make up for anything she breaks.. even a heart.

Back home (yes I’m currently living a very exciting life as you can tell). Just watched a bit of an episode of Friends - Ross still in denial though clearly crazy about Rachel, whom is unaware and worried about their history together being weird if she were to consider moving in as his flatmate (which he desperately desires). The ultimately classic television adaption of the most special kind of love between two human beings - a balance of being best friends, lovers, partners and perceptively & potentially, even soulmates. Looking back again at my recent wonderful weekend (+sick day monday) in which my failed attempts to win her back for longer than that precious time we had cherished together, I sunk low, although true to my own geeky belief, by utilising that very TV reference of us being Ross & Rachel. Definitely didn’t click straight away as to why she bursted out laughing about my overly geeky and lame reference comparison, until she made me realise I admitted to being Ross. Fuck. Long ago my group of friends had this ongoing debate with me that I was the Ross of our group, which I took as an insult at the time comparative to the other characters, cause well, it’s Ross. I overly defended my case for ages, and to this day am still firmly of the idea that I’m a combinative representation of all the main characters. Let’s break it down. Like come on - the under-appreciated punny comedy of, yet easy to pick on, Chandler (obviously my favourite as mentioned first). The obsessive Monica who can’t handle dirty dishes & has to make scheduled plans. The mainstream, basic bitch, Rachel (oh shit, please note this definition does not at all apply to 'her’ being Rachel as per my geeky romantic acclaims above. She is waaay more). The randomness and open weirdness offered by Phoebe. The comic idiot, Joey (although I don’t even have to act the part). And fine yes, the hopeless romantic, and sensitive Ross. Wow - What an positively arrogant bastard I just became during my usual scheduled time of despairing and regretting stuff. Though I don’t mean to be arrogant - as the point I was trying to bring across is that we all have various qualities and attributes from each of the Friends. They all reside in each of us to some extent, so you can’t just be fitted to one. Back to her - she just snapped me? What in the world? Okay calm down dude, relax you idiot. Don’t ruin this moment - it’s not a big deal - it’s just a snap (even though it visibly means so much considering your little bit of anxiety subsided without you initially even noticing, and you’re grinning like an idiot at her name popping up on your phone). And open! Oh the absolute bloody hell. It’s a snap of the same episode I just watched, on the plus one channel certainly enough, because it’s an hour later. The caption - “hi friend” on top of a very distinct character’s face. I’m Ross. That cheeky yet adorable little minx (Minx? What? So I tend to say non-sensical stuff & my brain freezes more than usual quite often when it comes to her). So I switch over to the same channel, grab my phone & send her a “hey friend” snap right back - and you can probably guess quite easily.. that it was on top of a portrait view of Rachel. So we snapped and chatted ever so slightly more this evening - and my whole day turned upside down - which means I’m the right way up now.

Finished writing up my little pub quiz for tomorrow at work. Snuck in a question right at the end about the snowy mountain I was at with her on the weekend, which I couldn’t resist. Well I mean I guess I could have, but didn’t want to. It just felt right and left me with blissful content, ending the quiz on such a beautiful note. Just like us. It all get quite unintentionally poetic, and I loved it. Plus people need to learn more about the Country they live in, so I’m really doing everyone favours here (says the hypocrite). What makes this night even better is that she just did my quiz. I know she didn’t probably care to talk to me or anything, which doesn’t matter because she did my quiz & I’m full of smiles as a result. I kept to my word and didn’t call her though. We made it work as I sent her real time snaps of each question on my TV, blanking out the rest of the background or hiding other questions with various random emojis. One by one. She even cutely reaffirmed the 10 second rule of answering without me having to mention anything. The smartypants ended up with 6/10 (even a 6.5 really - heh, as she chose correctly on one of them the second time but I strictly took her first answer). I can guarantee its gonna be higher than the average amongst large groups tomorrow when I conduct this live. She even cracked a few of her classic puns for one of the questions which wasn’t surprising at all, and kept this stupid smile glued to my face. Then we wished each other a nice weekend and night ahead & parted our ways. Though it was a simple experience, it was a momentous feeling - especially with that last question. I wonder if she thought back to our weekend also because of it. Maybe it made her smile? I hope so. It certainly made me.. did I already mention that? Well shit, this can’t be good.