#I made my favorite chocolate cake; but using blood instead of egg; the other day and it was DELICIOUS

[its-monster-mash]

for the weirder asks

why did you do that?

when was the last time you ate?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

how do you like your shower water?

do you have a favorite towel?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

what was the last message you sent?

🥰💖

Thank you for asking!! 🥺💖

Why Did You Do That?

At the time, it was because I couldn’t let him traumatize my little brother. Recently, I’ve learned that it might be just something I was born with—some kind of hereditary abnormality. It’s something I’ll have to talk about with my kid when he’s a little older.

My childhood was fucking clownshoes and I am willing to clarify further but LORD it does sound fake.

When Was The Last Time You Ate?

I actually just ate. Made biscuits a few days ago, and I can’t stand throwing out food(I tend to cook too much. I’m no longer used to living somewhere where my friends aren’t close enough to invite to dinner/offer leftovers), so I heated one up with a little butter to soften it. It was good.

Imagine We’re At A Sleepover, Would You Paint My Nails?

I would try if asked, with the warning that I’m not especially good at it. When I paint my own nails, I do so with the expectation that whatever ends up on my fingers not on my nails is going to soften up and flake off eventually when I do dishes. 😅 I can’t remember the last time I painted some else’s nails.

Do You Say Soda Or Pop?

I say Soda! Fun Fact; I used to say Pop, but in the 7th Grade I read The Outsiders, and decided I preferred the way Soda sounded. (There is a character called “Sodapop”—it’s not like he was my favorite character or anything; that was always Dally—but reading it out loud in school made me realized Soda felt better to say lol)

How Do You Like Your Shower Water?

As much as I’d like to say “Scalding”, I’m not actually picky. When I’m not being rushed and I can have whatever kind of shower I want, I like cold water first to wash my hair and face, extremely hot water to wash my body, and then I like to switch it to cold for a little while before I get out. I AM capable of taking a lukewarm shower, but I WON’T shower in just cold water the whole way through. I don’t feel clean if the water isn’t at least vaguely warm.

Do You Have A Favorite Towel?

I did, but I lost it in our last move ☹️. I like black towels because no one will bitch that I stain towels after dying my hair. Never mind that all the towels here are gross and ancient and feel absolutely horrible on the skin. (I could buy new ones, but long story short, we moved in with my Grandpa because my mom was terrified of his health with everyone being an hour away, and he would bitch up and down if I “Wasted Money” on new towels—despite the fact that it is in fact, my money. We are hoping to be accepted for an apartment opening about 15 minutes away in February, so I can be close enough to check on him without having to live here and be belittled constantly 🙃 Wish Us Luck.)

What’s Your Take On Spicy Foods?

Spicy Food My Beloved. On the rare occasion that I’m cooking ONLY for me, I love things to be fairly spicy. When I was a kid I used to eat powdered Ghost Pepper on spoons to freak out my mom’s non-spice-loving friends lol. I like hot in things that “Aren’t supposed to be hot”—when I first started hanging out with my spouse, he asked me if I could maybe NOT put chilies in the Mac n cheese I’d make lol. That said, once something is so hot that I can’t actually TASTE the food anymore, only pain, I no longer enjoy it.

What Was The Last Message You Sent?

“Y E A H”

Sorry this last one was boring lol.

[thenextchapter22]

Mail Order... Kitten Girl

Part 8: Aw Rats

Description: Satan accidentally orders a special type of ‘cat’ online after having a few too many drinks…

Tags: Pet Play, Cat Hybrids, Fluff, Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Tail Fucking

Pairing(s): Reader/Everyone (but Luke)

Link to my AO3: Click Here

In this chapter: Kitten and Barbatos spend time together!

Part One  Part Two  Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven

Authors Note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARBATOS!! This one is for you :))

+++++ MINORS DNI +++++

It was an early morning on a weekday. You woke up slowly, snuggling into the demon body beside you in bed. Sleeping in Belphie’s room was always your top favorite spots to get a great nights sleep. Surrounded in his bed with all his blankets and pillows he stacked up plus his warm arms around you, that was the best.

You were shaken out of the slumber by Beel shaking his twin’s arm, saying, “Belphie, Kitten, get up and eat.”

Belphie groaned, squeezing your body to him, nuzzling the back of your neck with his heated breath caressing you. “Mmmm... ‘s early, Beel. Later...”  

The temptation to stay was strong, but your stomach gurgled and you decided to get up.  

Wiggling in Belphie’s strong hold until you faced him instead of the wall, he opened one eye just enough to stare at you questionably. “Cuddle me later?” you said through a yawn.  

Your youngest demon Master sighed, but gave you one final squeeze around your waist, lingering just above your bottom with his fingers, and kissed you gently. “Fine... Go on,” he said, and opened his arms to free you.  

Beel helped you climb over him. As soon as you were out of the bed, Belphie went right back to sleep.  

With a smiling sigh, Beel shook his head. “C’mon, Kitten. I’ve made one of your favorites for breakfast so let’s get you dressed.”  

You picked at the thin silk short set you had worn to bed. Sleeping with any of them, you liked to wear little to almost nothing. Firstly, because a lot of them ran hot, and secondly so that you could feel their bodies closer to you. That extra touch made your body feel good.

You sat on Beel’s bed, waiting for him to pick out an outfit for you. Almost all of your Master’s liked to dress you. And because you usually stayed in one of their rooms, sometimes a different demon each night so it was fair—they liked to fight a lot about that—they had clothes ready for the next day.

The redheaded demon chose a soft pair of leggings and a short-sleeved scoop neck shirt, also soft,  probably fleece . You smiled at the plain underwear he helped you slip on.  Asmo , Lucifer, and Satan all liked to give you lace undies and bras, but the others preferred comfort for you. Either way you  didn’t  mind, they were your owners after all and you liked them dressing you up. The fun of it was seeing the  different styles.  

After you were clothed, Beel took your hand and smiled. “Let’s go eat.”

You smiled right back and nodded, “Mmhm! ‘m hungry, Master.”

“Me too. I haven't eaten in minutes.”

Giggling, the both of you left Belphie to the room and went to eat.

Breakfast for you was perfect. Waffles soaked in syrup, piled high with berries and whipped cream. Sausages and eggs, too.  The table was full, aside from Belphie. Your Masters all ate their weird demon foods. The day was looking to be a great one!

Once your belly was full, that was when your morning turned from sweet to just plain sour.

The worst news was given to you, and in anger you lashed out.

Which was why now, you sat dejectedly on the couch, arms crossed and tail swishing across your lap, the tip fuzzed out. You poked at your collar that was almost forced on you, a black leather collar that wasn’t uncomfortable but not your favorite, thick and ugly. A long leash was attached to it, and on the other end was Lucifer holding it. Usually you liked the leash, but not when it was a punishment.

Everyone was in the common room now, even Belphie who had gotten up after hearing the news. They either stood around you or sat on the furniture, but they all were looking at you with small smiles or smirks.

You were  not  amused. If you were an actual cat, your fur would be stuck up like the tip of your tail was.

The bad news that caused this problem... your Masters were leaving for the whole day to a RAD Student Council member only meeting that Lord Diavolo was holding.  

You hated being alone. But because Barbatos was staying behind to make a feast for when they came back, he had volunteered to watch you.  

When Lucifer went on and explained he was going to take you to Lord Diavolo’s castle for the hand  off of  yourself to the demon butler, you obviously did not want to go or for them to go and as such you had clawed at him, and thus the leash.  

You didn’t draw blood, Lucifer was too fast for that, but the reaction was enough to be punished.

Huffing in your seat, you refused to not look angry. They were leaving you... again!

Lucifer sighed, and patted the top of your head a few times. “Bad kitty’s get punished, my dear,” he said matter of fact.

Your nose twitched. “I know...”

“You promise to behave for Barbatos?” Satan asked.

You nodded. “Yes, Master...”

“Don’t look so upset, it will only be for a few hours...”

“Why can’t I just be at home alone?” you asked, glancing at them all with wide eyes.

Asmo cooed. “Last time Simeon took too long, kitty cat, and you were upset with us. We’re just looking after you.”

You pouted.

Beel smiled. “Barbatos is excited to see you. And he said he wants you to taste test some of his bakes today. I’m jealous.” He drooled.

Your ears perked up. “R-really?” You licked your lips. Barbatos was the best baker you knew. His cakes and pies and basically everything he made was yummy.

“Kitten looks happy now!” Mammon said with a grin.

Satan agreed, “She looks like the cat who got the cream.”

Asmo giggled. “She probably will, too, and I mean to say Barbatos’~”

The others groaned or chuckled. You didn’t know what that meant, but you did love cream.

“We’re having a big feast later at Lord Diavolo’s castle, so be sure not to eat too much,” Lucifer said, and then announced it was time to go.

You stood as Lucifer started for the front door, the leash taught. Your Masters all said their respective goodbyes and ‘I love you’s’ and it made you very happy inside. You would miss them so much.  

Maybe it was better to not be alone, so you wouldn’t be so sad and think about them until they came home.

Turning on your heel before the front door, you smiled. “I love you, too, my Masters.” And you meant that, truly.

They all cooed, or grinned, and you waved goodbye.  

It was only for the day, right?

_+_

The walk to Lord Diavolo’s wasn't too long. Barbatos let you inside the main entrance where you waited to be handed off like a true pet.

“Welcome, Lucifer, Kitten. We are going to have a good time together today, hm?” the demon butler smiled at you kindly.

You peeked at him from behind Lucifer and nodded once. Still, something inside of you was a little peeved.

“I trust you will be good?” Lucifer asked you, a stern look in his red eyes.

“Yes, Master, I'll be good,” you said.

Lucifer handed the leash to Barbatos, who took it without a single question. You wondered if Lucifer told him what happened and why you had the leash at all.

“She will be well looked after, Lucifer.”

Lucifer nodded. He gave you a single kiss on your forehead. “Behave, Kitten,” he said, and then he was gone out the door. You watched as he transformed into his demon form and flew off, majestic and sexy. You did love his wings; they were so soft.

“Kitten? Let’s go.” Barbatos smiled at you again, and gestured with his hand for you to go ahead and step further in the Castle.

You frowned, but did, and you found yourself in the kitchen after a little bit of walking.  

The room was a far cry from the House of Lamentation’s kitchen. First it was much larger, higher ceilings, and had several ovens and even more cooking equipment. There were tons of cabinets and a large black table off to the side. The floors were nicer on your shoes, less chance of tripping on wood floors than badly lain cement blocks.

While you glanced around, you felt a tug on your leash and a click, and Barbatos was hanging your leash on a hook on the wall before you knew what happened.

“Wha-?”

“It will be easier for the both of us. I won’t say anything if you won’t?”

You giggled. The collar was still on, but that was fine by you. “Okay!”

“Perfect. Over this way please.” He led you to a counter, and there was a ton of ingredients out. They smelled sweet, salty, bitter. Some of them looked good, others odd colored or shaped, but still had a good aroma. “Today you can help me prepare the meal for their return.”

Your ears fell. “I can’t cook...”

"That's not a problem. You have two hands, and so you can mix. And taste test for me as well.”

Now  that  you could do with great pleasure. “Yes, I want to help!”

He chuckled. “I assumed so. We are only preparing desserts now; I will finish the rest of the meal later so it's fresh. Let’s begin, shall we?”

Baking with Barbatos was fun. You got to eat so many tasty things. He let you lick the spoon with the frosting, and gave you little chocolate chips. Mixing dry ingredients for him was harder than it looked and you got some flour on yourself, but that was why you had the apron on.  

Although, it was strange that he already had the perfect one for you. It certainly was not for one of the demon brothers or Diavolo (right?).

After cooking for a long time, eating and mixing and opening and closing the ovens, setting all the pretty treats under domes on counters or in the fridge, you were totally exhausted. All the hard work and eating had really wore you out.  

You yawned a few times, and rubbed at your eyes.

“Is it time for a cat nap?” he teased.

“Barb, I’m tired.” You yawned again.

He softly laughed. “All right. Come with me, Kitten.” He put the palm of his hand on your lower back to lead you out of the kitchen. You were taken around a few doors and small hallways to a wide window with a bed seat cushion, and it faced a garden full of flowers and wildlife.

“So pretty...” you were in awe.

“I thought you might like the view. Rest for a while and I will wake you up once you’ve gotten the proper sleep.”

You curled up on the warm bedding and purred. The sun was shining in the spot, and you could fit yourself perfectly in a ball. “Thank you~”

Barbatos smiled down at you, and pet your head, his hand lingering on your neck to squeeze once. It gave you the shivers. “You’re very welcome, Kitten. Sweet dreams.”

You fell asleep watching the birds flutter around and chirp.  

When you woke up it was still sunny, but not directly on you. And you watched the garden for a while, and then you saw it.

A rat, scurrying across the field.

You made a sound and bared your teeth at it.

The window had a latch, and you undid it and crawled out to step into the garden. You were quiet, stealthy, your prey was right there. You caught it in your claws and squeezed until it was dead.

This was the perfect present to say thank you!

Barbatos had not come for you yet, so you set the dead rat on the floor of the room, waiting for Barbatos to come fetch you.  

And when he came inside, he froze up, and stared at your gift. “Kitten.”

“Barb~ I got you a gift, it’s right there.” Your tail flickered in happiness, and you grinned a fanged smile at him, proud and excited.

He tensed as he walked around it, but did not pick it up. “Did you touch that thing?” he asked instead.

“Yes, with my claws. I killed it for you!”

“I see...” He held out his arms, and frowned. “Let’s go wash your hands,” he said.

You pouted. “Are you not going to take my present?”

Barbatos’ brows furrowed. “Kitten, I appreciate the gift, however...”

Now you understood, and your eyes watered. “Y-you hate it, don’t you?”

“Not at all, kitty, not at all. I just want to take care of you first.” He grabbed you under your arms and you were taken back to the kitchen, legs wrapped around his waist. You felt like a toddler but the warmth of his body was nice. “You need to clean up before you touch anything else.”

He directed you to stand before the sink and place your hands inside. The water was hot on your hands and you cried out. He apologized, and quickly turned it down, and then poured soap on your hands, helping wash them, getting between your fingers and under your claws.

“Rats carry diseases, and Devildom rats even more. I want you to be more careful.”

You nodded. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

Barbatos gave you a soft smile. “It’s fine. There now, let’s dry them and then we can get back to baking together.”

You dried your hands and frowned down at the tiles. “I just wanted to thank you...”

He cupped your cheek and had you look at him. “I know, but you don’t need to thank me with that,” he said, not unkindly.

Oh, so that’s what he was getting at. Well, your Master’s did not say you couldn’t please Barbatos, and he did take care of you. This was the only other way you knew how to say you were grateful for him feeding you delicious snacks and letting you sleep in the cozy sun spot.

“I can thank you like this,” you said, and knelt down on the floor right in front of him, your face at his crotch.

There was one quick inhaled from the demon butler. His gloved finger lifted your head up for him to stare down at you with his pretty green eyes. There was a slight hue on his cheeks. “You don’t have to thank me at all.”

You licked your lips. “I want to. Please? Can I see your cock and suck it?”

He began thumbing your bottom lip. “If that’s what you want, I wouldn’t say no.” Then he made a concerned face. “Do you want something for your knees?”

You nodded, glad Barbatos was such a kind demon. “Please...” and he somehow had a throw pillow in his hands, and you lifted one knee at a time to get situated. “Thank you.”

“It’s no trouble.”

Quickly you helped him out of his pants, slipping them to the floor. As you did his hand caressed the top of your head, and you felt his dark gaze on you, watching every move you made. As his pants dropped to the floor, he stepped out of them, kicking them away. The mess was so unlike the butler from what you had seen.

Now he was just in his underwear, a silk dark green pair that outlined his cock and balls. You nuzzled his clothed dick. “Smells good, Barby.”  

“Mmm, you like the smell of cock, Kitten?”

You nodded. “Yesss-”  

His hand went to your hair at the back of your head to lightly tug. The pain mixed with his scent urged you on, and you had his boxers pulled down, and he was quicker in stepping out of those. His cock out inches from your mouth, half hard. Before you sucked it, you grabbed it to stroke it to life. You licked the tip once, he gasped. Then you swallowed him down and peeked up at him with a certain look, unmoving. Waiting for him to do something.

He got the idea and smiled. “Do you want me to use your mouth?”  

You hummed, hopeful he understood it meant yes. And he understood because he began using your mouth. Filling it with his slicked head, hitting your tongue and roof of your mouth. Your lips were swelling up, and you suckled and slurped at his cock.

Clawed hands went to his waist, holding him steady as his fingers clutched your hair to do the same. The pain and scent surrounding you had your pussy wetting up, soaking your undies. But this was for him, about Barbatos’ pleasure. And a Kitten could please their Master, or their Master’s friends, and you would do a good job of it, too.

Breathing through your nose, you kept a firm hold on his hips, and your tail helped by wrapping around his thigh once to squeeze. His legs were bare, strong looking. You looked up at him, and met his dark eyes, flecks of black creeping in to those slate green iris’. It was sexy and you moaned.

“Ahh, Kitten,” he moaned. His hand not at your hair went to touch your tail, wrapped around a part of it and stroked like you had done to his dick. “Such a soft tail."

You moaned louder, vibrating around his cock, tonguing the underside with your flattened muscle, flexing. He tasted tangy and filled your mouth perfectly, and a little precum trickled onto your taste buds.

The demon butler tensed and grunted out a warning before he came in your mouth, and only then did you let him go. You held his spent cum in your mouth on your tongue, and showed it to him before swallowing. It was bitter, but you had worse.

“Such a naughty thing,” he commented, and pet your hair from your cheeks.  

He smiled, and in his eyes was something new you hadn’t seen. He put his clothes back to right, and before you could react, he had you in his arms and then deposited you on the long kitchen table. The throw pillow was shoved under your body to lift you up at your lower half, and it helped keep your tail from being squished. But you were confused.

“Barb-”

“Hush now.” He stood at your feet, a demonic grin truly. “I shall return the favor,” he whispered. Barbatos’ appearance shifted, and he was in his demon form, his twin-tipped tails flickering behind him, his bat-like horns gleaming in the kitchen light.

His hands torn down your pants to your ankles, and you let him, him taking off your shoes next to leave you in socks and your top. Then you were spread open, panties glistening, socked feet flat on the table. He had you bend your legs so he could grasp your knees to keep you like that, but your pants hugged at your ankles like restraints.

Those eyes of his were basically neon green they were glowing, and he stared at your clothed core, and you tightened in response. Could he see the flex of your pussy?  

“You got wet from sucking me, hm... How delightful.” His finger went to your waist, tugging under the band, and it snapped apart. He tore your underwear from you and exposed your vagina to the air, the coolness hitting your burning heat, wetness growing.

“Ahh, B-barb-"

His tails were hovering your vagina, twitching, and you leaned your head down to watch. You couldn’t see much past your belly as he lifted you up, but you knew what his intentions were.

You begged for it, “please, inside...”

He did not hesitate. His tail slowly went inside your pussy, thick, slimy, softly scaled. It was bigger than you figured, and you tightened down and wiggled your hips.

He tore his glove off with his teeth, and his bare finger circled your clit, the sparks of pleasure helping the stretch. “It’s okay, you can take it. Be a good kitty.”

You clenched down on him again and he winced for a second, but then his tail slithered deeper and flicked at the tip to hit that spot inside and you saw stars, clutching the table at each end with clawed hands.

“You’re damaging the wood,” he said with a bit of humor, but did nothing to stop you. His finger circled your clit faster and harder, and you were close but still felt like it wasn’t enough.

That was when his second tail spread your cheeks apart to press to your anus, slimy from the wetness leaking from your pussy. You were not ready for that, not now.

You cried, “nnngg, not there, please.” Your own tail swooshed in the air, a nervous twitch, and a warning that you did not like that.

Barbatos kissed your inner thigh, holding your knee wider with one hand as his tail fucked you, sloppy sounds echoing in the room along with your heavy panting. “I know, beautiful thing, I won’t.” He left the tail tip there, slipping over your hole to join the other at your pussy, pressing against its twin. “You can take two, can you not?”

You tensed and sobbed. “P-please,” you desperately wanted to be torn open.

He grinned, sharp teeth, and shoved his second tail in along with the other. You arched your back and tossed your head to the side and sobbed, burning and intense pleasure/pain encompassing you. “Ahhhgg~”

The pace he set was fast and rough, the double tails slipping in and out and scrapping at the best parts of you, no time to adjust. “You’re so sweet, yet so naughty. I want to feel your pussy on my cock someday.”

“Uhh, yes, yes, want that-”

“Hm, I know you do.”

He was so himself like this. Barbatos was commanding and sure in his movements, and it was perfection. His head went between your legs and his mouth found your clit and licked and kissed wet and sloppily. You wished you could watch as he did, but your position only let you see his head bobbing, and his tail motioning in and out between your thighs.

He kept his mouth on your clit, swishing his tongue back and forth. “Purr for me, kitty,” he pulled back to say, and then with insane speed he fucked you with his serpent tails and licked you, like a vibrator toy for your clit.

The heat was reaching your belly in a boiling point now. Your body was hot, tense, and your toes curled, and then with an arched back, your belly tightened up and you were finished. “Cumming, Barb, cummiinnnnggg~” you exclaimed, spurting all over.  

It lasted a few moments, but felt like longer. You kept your eyes shut and felt the excess amount of your own juices dripping out. The sparks went with the beat of your heart as you calmed down, almost like an exposed wire feeling every single thing. Your shirt was sweaty. Your throat sore, from both screaming your pleasure and holding some back. There was a little bit of tears drying on your cheeks.

When you did open your eyes, Barbatos was hovering over your head, smiling that gentle smile, this time it reached his kind eyes. “So pretty for me,” Barbatos murmured, kissing your cheek. “I need to clean you up now.”

You hummed, shutting your eyes as fireworks popped up in your vision. “Mmm, clean up,” you copied.

He chuckled, and lifted you up in his arms, and you whined but allowed it. “Come on kitty, you can have another nap after.”

You sighed. “Love naps.”

“I gathered that. You may be a second Belphegor and we just don’t know it.”

You giggled. “Mmmm.” What a silly thing to say.

_+_

“She looks exhausted,” Lucifer commented. He had a slight smirk in his eyes and on his lips, but not enough for the average person to see.

Barbatos shared a similar look. “Oh yes, we had an eventful evening, didn’t we?” You flushed red, ignoring the question, and he went on, holding out a few containers. “Here. To take home with you. The feast will begin in a few hours, but I know Beel will like to have some extras.” Barbatos handed you the boxes. “Thank you for all your help today, Kitten. Anytime you want to stop by, feel free.” The green of his eyes shone, mischievous.

You held in the whine, because you  did  want to visit again. But the teasing was too much and you were exhausted mentally and physically. You didn’t even want to be standing right then.

You looked at Lucifer and asked, “Master, can we go home now?”

“Yes, we can.” He took the leash from Barbatos and you both left Lord Diavolo’s castle for the House of Lamentation.

And if Lucifer noticed the limp in your walk, he said nothing on it.  

Thankfully you were not in trouble. Your Masters, it seemed, did not care if you shared yourself. But you had to wonder the limitations of that... you’d ask another time.

So, you went home to rest before the feast, but in the end you did not go. You actually stayed behind with Levi who had plans to be online that night (Diavolo played video games, you heard, so he excused the Envy demon).

Snuggled up with him on the beanbag you lazily watched him play, occasionally getting soft pets between battles. It was boring to just watch, but you had enough excitement. This was a perfect way to end a sweet day.

[yourfinalbow]

Ack anon I'm sorry. Tumblr ate your ask and I'm 🔪 But I saved your ask to put on the Google Doc so don't fret! I have it!

“Hi Ghastie Ghast, I wanted to share a prompt with you lol. I decided to go more holiday theme’d because it’s never too early to get into the holiday spirit.

“Your favorite winter drink was back on the menu, so I decided to surprise you with it.”

Please enjoy this prompt lmao”

The nickname made me -_- but hi Little Gray Circle Dude With Sunglasses! Thank you for sending me this! I had fun writing it. I'm assuming you wanted a Destiel fic, so that's what I wrote! (Also bonus points for Saileen as a background ship?) I sort of strayed a little from the prompt and the tone gets heavier as it goes on… 👀 I also accidentally wrote more than intended, so you can read it on Ao3 if that's easier. (And maybe give it a kudos because you’re the best?)

Title: Black Coffee Derangement Syndrome

Ship(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy.

(Basic) Tags: Fluff, Slight Angst, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker, Established Dean/Cas, Established Sam/Eileen, Using black coffee as a metaphor for hypermasculinity, With a whip cream style topping of internalized homophobia. *Finger guns.*

Warnings: Coffee gatekeeping and small sections of fluff that are as sweet as Cas’s Starbucks order. Also I’ve been to Starbucks once. Maybe twice? (Also a single mention of a drug that's commonly found as white powder, the non-descriptive comparison of Sam’s stupid health stuff with emesis, and use of the name that the figurehead for Germany in WW2 bore, just to be safe.)

Rating: T? Maybe? For language?

Word Count: 9k+

Quick thanks to my awesome beta @walksinstarllight! They are a poet and a writing sorcerer (wizard without a hat), and the only reason this fic even makes sense so please go shower them in kudos. (You can find their work here.)

Another thanks to @internetintroverts, who described a peppermint mocha to me in like 300 words because I drink black coffee and know nothing of anything ever. You can find their work here! (There's an Easter egg of one of their fics in this one hehe.)

The first thing Dean did when Cas got back from the Empty was give him coffee.

Okay no.

The first thing he did was fall into Cas’s arms and grip that stupid trenchcoat until his knuckles turned white. Shaking and laughing with hot tears streaming out of his eyes, he told him he was an asshole for leaving him like that. And to never, ever do it again. With blurry eyes and all other thoughts hazy, he told Cas he could have it, he could have what he wanted. Whatever he wanted. He told Cas he loved him too.

But then the next thing was coffee.

Caffeine is a hunter’s number one best friend, and since Cas was human again, Dean knew Sam was going to come at him with his stupid green health drinks and herbal tea. As Cas’s knight in shining armour, (a title used by Dean and Dean only), it was his duty to protect him from the disgustingly liquified rabbit food.

Now he expected Cas to like black coffee, you know, like a normal person.

But no, oh no. Apparently, he was dating a heathen.

Dean had to actually rub his eyes the first time he watched Cas fix his own coffee. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen, mouth agape.

Cas was leaning on the counter, humming some song that Dean could neither recognize, nor would he approve of, thank-you-very-much.

(Ok it was Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift and it's entirely possible he's listened to it once or twice but he still doesn't approve of it, thank-you-very-much.)

He held his yellow and black striped, bee-themed ceramic mug Eileen had bought him in one hand, and the entire five-pound bag of cane sugar in the other. And there he stood, happy as can be, pouring it directly into his mug.

Dean rubbed his eyes again.

And not even like, a normal amount either.

He just kept pouring, and pouring, and Oh my god he’s still pouring. Dean thought. It would honestly be more believable if it wasn’t sugar at all, and instead was in fact Cas’s secret stash of cocaine.

Dean might actually have to put sugar on the grocery list after he was finished.

His thoughts traveled back to Ishim doing the same thing with his coffee, in the tiny little diner Cas had set up as a meeting place. Dean had barged in that day, not thinking of his brother mocking him, or the possibility of danger inside. His vision was as tunneled as his thoughts  focused only on Cas, not caring about anything else.

By that time the following day, Dean thought they were both going to die. The bloody and uneven sigil on the wall, Cas no more than ten feet away. Not quite within a comforting reach. The room was spinning from the blow to his head, and he could barely make out the words being spat from Ishim’s mouth.

“You blast me away, you’ll blast away every angel in the room. I’ll survive. Castiel, on the other hand, he’s hurt. He might live, or he might just end up a bloody smear on the wall.”

He almost lost Cas that day.

The blood rushed to his ears as his instincts sought out the mark on the wall. Ishim had told him to roll the dice, but in his head he couldn’t look past the chance of rolling a one. Watching the acrylic cube bounce until it decided Cas’s fate. There was no dilemma, there wasn’t even a decision to be made. He would always choose Cas over himself. Silent acts of care he could never vocalize.

An inability to speak formed from fear and cowardice. Like a lion in his stomach scratching at the words until they fell back down his throat.

And it was that inability to speak that led Cas to think he was nothing more than a tool for the Winchester’s to use.

He almost let Cas believe he meant nothing to him.

Dean cleared his throat. “Mornin’ Sunshine.”

Cas set down the bag of sugar and picked up the pot, the glass making a small clink as it hit the top of the coffee maker. “Goodmorning Dean. Would you like any coffee?” He greeted cheerfully, turning around like he hadn't just put enough sugar to make a pound cake in his coffee.

“Uh.” Dean was still caught off-guard by Willie Wonka over there. “Sure Cas.” He took the coffee pot from his hand and muttered a thank you.

“So,” Cas started while Dean reached into the cabinet for his own mug. “What ingredient do you suggest I put in my coffee this morning?”

“Uh...I don't know man. I drink my coffee black.”

“Yes I know you’re boring Dean, but you can still help me not be.”

“Black coffee isn't boring it's-”

“Dean, if you say ‘manly,’ I will sit you down and make you eat only spinach and kale for a week.” Sam said, walking into the kitchen, hair still spiked up from sleep. He used one hand to sign the words, his other one occupied by Eileen, who was sleepily shuffling closely behind.

Dean looked aghast. “I would starve.” He attempted to sign his indignant response, hands moving sloppily while holding both his mug and the coffee pot.

“I think that's the point.” Eileen said, laughing. She looked at Cas. “Is Dean gatekeeping your coffee aspirations again?”

“Yes.” He answered, ignoring Sam’s laugh and Dean’s huff of exaggerated outrage.

“Have you tried cinnamon?” Sam suggested. “You like Dean’s apple pie, and that has cinnamon in it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Sam. Dean told me not to ever take cooking advice from you.“

“And I stand by that.” Dean interjected suddenly.

“I can cook!”

“Ehhh…” Eileen’s comment bought her a look of betrayal. “Though Sam may be right on this one, you might like it.” She shrugged.

“See.”

Cas pondered the thought for a moment. “Perhaps I will then.”

“Do we have nutmeg?” Eileen said, breaking away from Sam’s grip to check one of the cabinets. He walked to the other side of the kitchen, intending to look through the spice rack, knowing exactly what his girlfriend was getting at.

“You better not mess up my damn kitchen.” He said quickly. “Or you're organising them all next time.”

Sam rolled his eyes, knowing full well Dean would never let him organise the kitchen. Eileen looked through them, carefully turning the bottles around until the labels faced her. She pulled out the cinnamon and clove while she was looking for the nutmeg.

“Found it.” Sam called from the other side of the kitchen, walking over and putting a hand on Eileen’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” She said with a smile, grabbing the plastic spice jars.

She individually tossed each one to Cas. “Use these, it will taste like a pumpkin spice latte.”

“And don't forget the milk.” Sam added.

Cas scrambled to catch the spices, successfully grabbing two of them out of the air, the third one intercepted by Dean.

“What’s a pumpkin spice latte?” He looked at Eileen before snatching the bottle of cinnamon from Dean.

“It's a famous drink you can get at Starbucks.” Sam answered.

Cas tilted his head to the side and squinted at him. “What's a Starbucks?”

“You know, the coffee shop Alex and Patience drag Jody to all the time.” Dean said.

“I’m pretty sure Donna drags her there too.” Sam added. “Something about girl’s date night out.”

“The one Claire says is for ‘basic bitches’?” He lifted his hands, forming air quotes as he spoke.

“Yeah.” Dean answered, quietly laughing. “That's the one. She’s probably right, too.”

Cas carefully put the different spices in his coffee, eyeing the mug warily. His light brown coffee now had specs of...stuff in it.

(And unbeknownst to him, there was also a small pile of sugar at the bottom, the coffee so saturated it wouldn't dissolve any more.)

Eileen laughed at the look on his face. “It's good, I promise.”

Sam turned to look at her. “How would you know? Most of the time you get hot chocolate and spike it with bourbon.”

“You’re the one who gets a Pink Drink.”

Dean choked on his coffee. “What?”

“It's strawberry and coconut milk, and it's delicious.”

“Sure it is Sam.” Eileen jabbed.

“So what I'm getting here is that not only have you two been to Starbucks often enough to have a regular order, but Sam gets something called a ‘Pink Drink’?”

“No…” Sam started, trying to find a way to defend them. “Sometimes we…”

“...Make our own drinks.” Eileen snapped her fingers as she finished for him, attempting to save them from the endless stream of good-natured insults Dean would throw at them otherwise.

“Well you two are a real Martha Stewart, aren't you?”

“Yeah, except she's a convicted criminal.” Sam attempted to snark back.

“So are you!”

Before either of them could respond, Cas shoved his mug into Dean's face. “You have to try this, Dean. It tastes like pumpkin pie.”

Dean carefully grabbed the hot mug from Cas and took a sip. He was right, it did taste kinda like pumpkin pie. He took another sip, letting the pleasant flavor sit on his tongue. The different spices mixed perfectly together.

“I mean it's… okay.” He lied.

Dean contemplated his pumpkin themed food options. “Though I would rather just have pumpkin pie.”

Cas took his mug back. “Fine. More for me.” He said with a smirk, mimicking the look Dean gives him every time Cas says he doesn't want anymore bacon, before taking another sip of the makeshift pumpkin spice coffee.

Dean smiled at him, setting his own mug down and moving Cas’s out of the way to pull him into a kiss. He could smell the nutmeg almost as much as he could taste the cinnamon on his lips.

“Mmm we should bake pumpkin pie tonight.” He said, pulling away just enough so he could talk.

“I would like that.” Cas answered. “All four of us could make pie. According to the 'mom blogs', as you call them, it would be a good family bonding exercise.”

“That’s right. And if they want any pie, they gotta help make it. That means more for us if they refuse.” He grinned.

“A win-win situation, really.” Cas smiled before tugging Dean close so their lips met again.

“I love you.” Dean muttered.

“I love you too.” Cas said softly.

Behind their backs Sam and Eileen were fake-gagging at their sickly sweet interaction, but secretly just glad the two of them had finally gotten over their stubborn (and oblivious) selves.

Sam was honestly overjoyed to see his brother finally happy. He would even go as far as saying finally willing to be himself, too. (Not that he would ever say this outloud. Sam can practically see Dean’s eyes roll farther back into his head than should be possible at the words.) All four of them had gone through more shit in the last few months than any normal person would in their entire life. They were all just lucky to be alive, and with that, learning how to savour the little moments of overly sweet normalcy.

(And the pumpkin spice-life Dean had secretly been longing for since they were little kids.)

So of course they were going to help bake pie.

---

“I want to try Starbucks.” Cas said the next morning, both of them still in bed.

Dean groaned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Can I ask why, or is this one of those, 'I'll tell you later’ disasters like with the slime ingredients?”

“I want to try all the human things that I didn't get to try last time.” He said offhandedly.

Dean pictured Cas’s hurt face when he had told him he couldn’t stay, smile broken as Dean’s own heart shattered from the look the newly-human angel was giving him.

He wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, that Cas himself wasn’t the reason, but the lion in his stomach clawed the words down faster than even the thought of ruining Sam’s chances at survival could.

With a pang of guilt from the memory, Dean pulled himself closer to Cas and rested his head on the other man’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to preserve as much warmth and comfort as he could until they had to inevitably get out of bed. “Only if you let me sleep like this for thirty more minutes.”

Cas smiled. “Oh, are we making deals now?”

“I’d sell my soul for you.” Dean said cheekily, which earned a glare from Cas. “Believe me, I know.”

After a beat he went on. “Fine, you have a deal.” Before Dean could celebrate by tugging the covers over their bodies, Cas added another clause to their agreement. “But... in true Crowley fashion, you have to seal the deal with a kiss.”

Dean lazily threw his arms into the air. “Victory.”

He turned over, pulling himself upwards until he was just inches from Cas. Cradling the angel-turned-Winchester’s head in his hands, Dean placed his lips on Cas’s, melting into the touch as he felt the other man’s arms wrap around his torso.

When he broke away from the kiss, Dean found himself face to face with the most beautiful smile he had ever laid eyes on, one born from adoration and love. Cas’s eyebrows were slightly scrunched up, but for once it wasn’t a sign of confusion when met with some obscure eighties rock reference. It was a tiny expression of care, and it was one that was truly Cas. Not Jimmy’s, not even one Cas had picked up from him or Sam. It was completely and wholly Cas, and a completely and wholly human thing to do.

He realized Cas had been doing that long before the Empty stole his grace.

Dean smiled back at him, relaxed. Like taking in a deep breath after being under murky water for forty years. He brushed a loose strand of soft, brown hair into its place, before falling back into his spot and closing his eyes. “Crowley would be proud.” He whispered with a soft laugh, smile deepening as Cas joined him.

When their quiet laughter died out, there was a pause, air stagnant and in its own sleepy haze

“Oh and Dean?”

“Hm?” Dean turned his head to look at him, eyes not failing to glow with their unusually bright, green pigment. He took a deep breath, the lids of his eyes already started to slowly fall back down again.

“The slime wasn't a disaster. You enjoyed it.”

“I did.” He muttered sleepily, a loose smile forming on his lips as he drifted off to sleep. Cas laid there, running his fingers through the other man’s hair, contentment and admiration showing itself in every feature on his face.

This was more than he could have ever wanted.

---

“Dean. Dean wake up.” Cas was excitedly whisper-shouting in his ear like a kid on Christmas morning. It was exactly thirty minutes later, (he had counted), and Cas was ready to get moving.

“No.” He answered back, mimicking Cas’s tone.

“But you’re like a cat.” He teased. “You're on me and I can't get up.”

Dean sighed. “I can't believe I let you talk me into this.”

“It didn't take much convincing.”

Dean rolled over to give Cas a playful glare, but was met with the saddest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen, completely throwing him off his guard.

“I'm going to kill Sam for teaching you that.”

Cas just continued to give him that look.

“Fine.” Dean relented, sitting up with a yawn and thinking about how he will now never be able to win another argument.

“Get dressed.” Cas said excitedly. “We're going to Starbucks.”

“Hooray.” He gave a sarcastic laugh, but a smile creeped on his lips.

They walked out of their room together, heading towards the bunker’s library. Dean slid in one of the chairs, turning Sam’s still-open laptop around and waking it up.

Cas, meanwhile, turned to a random page of the lore book resting on the table and started reading in an attempt to pass the time.

The sound of Dean typing filled the air. “So, I just looked it up, and do we have to go to Starbucks?”

“Yes.” Cas said simply, not looking up from the book.

Dean groaned. “Cas there isn't one in the county, let alone Lebanon. That's probably why Sam and Eileen make their own.”

“Where's the closest one?” Cas asked, his blinding, blue eyes glaring at the back of Sam’s computer like he was trying to will the coffee shop to be near.

“I thought it was across state lines and in Nebraska at first, but it looks like there's a small one in a town called Washington. It's about 80 miles from here.”

“Let's go!” Cas excitedly straightened his trenchcoat and headed towards the door.

“Or, we could leave Starbucks to the fourteen year old girls.”

Cas turned back around and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure their entire demographic is fourteen year old girls, staff included.”

Alright, smartass. Dean thought, struggling to hide a smile.

Cas walked out the door, expecting Dean to follow.

“It takes an hour to get there, our coffee’s going to be cold by the time we get home, and it's freezing outside.” Dean muttered under his breath, but he grabbed his keys off the table and stood up, willing to follow Cas to the ends of the earth if it meant he would stay with him.

Not that he was going to enjoy this trip. In fact, he was currently doing the opposite of enjoying, and they hadn’t even gotten into the car yet. Starbucks. Starbucks. Really, Cas? Of all the places he wanted to go, it had to be Starbucks. He couldn’t want to explore humanity through Target or something?

Even Claire wouldn’t be caught dead in that place, with all the frou-frou toppings, elaborate drink mixes, and colourful, drizzled syrup. The people who go to Starbucks are the kind of people who like coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee. Teenage girls who might as well just be drinking whip cream, and that was without considering the seasonal drinks they fawn over.

Seasonal drinks that shouldn’t legally be allowed to be referred to as coffee.

Dean couldn’t believe he ever agreed to this, but still, he begrudgingly followed.

---

Using the GPS on Cas’s phone, (Dean said his insane directional skills helped out too), they found the Starbucks relatively easily once they were in the little town.

They parked the Impala, and Dean looked at the modern building. The green lettering contrasted with the tan plaster walls, spelling “Starbucks.”

He heard Cas get out, his feet making a crunching noise as they hit the gravel, and watched from across the top of the car as he started towards the coffee shop. Dean looked at the building warily, reluctance painted on his face.

Cas was telling him some random fact about a bird he saw, but Dean could only think about his reputation that was about to shatter like a vase dropping on tile floor.

Reputation with who? He didn't know.

Well, he had a vague idea, but chose not to let his thoughts wander that far.

It was okay. This was fine. He could swallow his pride and-

“Ooh. The peppermint mocha looks good.” Cas was reading the limited edition drinks on the drive-thru menu as they traveled across the parking lot.

Dean was going to barf.

They walked into the building, immediately hit with the overwhelming smell of excessive amounts of flavoured syrup indoused coffee. Dean glanced around the well-lit building, taking note of the many different people there.

(He wasn’t about to have any black-eyed minions reporting his Starbucks order to a very judgmental Queen of Hell.)

Cas pushed Dean’s protesting body into the line, looking pleased with the many different options written on the menu overhead.

He enjoyed the small touch of Cas’s hands on his back, moving him forwards to the line, but was grateful Cas was careful not to let them linger there too long.

He was still wary about doing… this, in public.

He knew Cas was patiently waiting for him to be ready, so he didn't know how to tell him that he might never be.

The teenager working the cash register interrupted his train of thought. “What will it be for ya?”

“I would like a peppermint mocha please.”

“Alrighty. And you?”

“I'll take just a black coffee.”

The barista looked unimpressed. “And your names?”

Dean grinned. “John and John.”

“No relation.” Cas added.

The barista just sighed. “How do you want me to differentiate the two of ‘em then?”

“Oh you can put ‘John Bonham’ on mine.” Dean replied.

“Comin’ right up.” Their tone didn't change, still just full of apathy that could only be perfected by the work of a burnt-out teenager.

Dean and Cas walked down to the end of the counter and towards the pickup section. “Now tell me, Castiel.” He stressed his partner’s name. “Who’s John Bonham?”

Cas sighed, but the corner of his mouth upturned in a grin. “John Henry Bohnham, affectionately referred to as ‘Bonzo’, born in 1948 and was most well known for being the drummer of the rock band ‘Led Zeppelin’.”

“Mmm very close, but unfortunately you forgot the word ‘best’ in front of ‘rock band.’” Dean smirked before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

“You should have said I was ‘John Bon Jovi.’” Cas said, smiling.

“Why? Because you’re only good at this sometimes?” Dean closed the gap between them.

As soon as their lips met, Dean pulled away instinctively, realization hitting him like a hunter with a bat as his eyes widened in terror. “I-I'm sorry, I didn’t...” His words faltered as he looked around at the people sitting in the coffee shop, all of which were paying no mind to them.

He felt sick, guilt gnawing at him from a pit in his stomach.

“Hey, it's okay Dean. You know I'm perfectly fine with public displays of affection, and no one else even saw us. There's no need to apologize.”

“Yeah-h.” He said shakily. Before he could figure out who he was apologizing to, a voice from behind the counter called.

“I have an order for a mister ‘John’ and ‘John Bonham’.”

“That's us.” Dean spat the words out quickly, turning around to take them from the barista’s hand. He rushed out of the door, the small tinkling sound of the welcome bell and the blood rushing to his ears drowning out the sound of Cas’s call from behind.

He sat in the front seat of Baby, knowing he was being childish. Dean took a shaky breath and tried not to think about it.

About what the hell he was thinking, kissing Cas out in public like that. The judgemental eyes- black or not- that were watching. He thought about what his father would say, mind instantly going back to a moment in his childhood he has tried to forget since it happened, wondering where he went wrong.

About the time John had caught him and Lee, ignoring the weak excuses Dean was stuttering out. Skipping town faster than they had done in years.

About how the left side of his face had been a yellow-ish purple for weeks following, and the sore spot on his arm from where he caught the pavement as he flew towards it.

About how he had told Sam he just fell on a hunt. “Don't worry kid, you should have seen the vamp when I was done with him.” He swung his fist around in slow motion, pretending to punch an invisible enemy as his little brother giggled in childish bliss.

About how John never looked at him the same. The disgust in his eyes, harsh words on his lips.

About how he vowed to never disappoint his father like that again, and their joint hatred for that part of him. Sometimes it felt like the only thing they could agree on.

About how somewhere, somehow, he had decided Cas was different. That he somehow didn’t count, and that losing him hurt so much, was such an egregious pain, he wanted as much of Cas as he was allowed to have. And how that was something insurmountable stronger than the twisted, sick feeling John had placed in his gut.

He remembered something Cas had told him once: “Hatred isn’t a natural trait, Dean, it’s a learned one. A baby isn’t born with the ability to hate, it’s passed on from one broken soul to another. Love, love however. That’s something different altogether.”

Cas’s hand on his shoulder pulled Dean out of his thoughts. “Hey.” He said softly.

“Hey Cas.”

“I love you.” He got in the passenger's seat, taking his coffee from Dean’s still frozen hand.

“I love you too.” He whispered absentmindedly, staring straight ahead and seeing nothing but thoughts from the past. His mind fighting an internal battle, logic telling him that what he had with Cas wasn’t wrong, and even though everything from fate to God had tried to wedge itself between them, it was still the most right thing he had. And he knew that, but his dad’s drunken, booming voice echoed throughout his head, telling him that he was dirty. Telling him the Winchester men had no place for someone like him.

“You better stop that now, boy. Bad things happen to you when you’re weak.”

At the time he had taken that as a warning, rather than a threat. But now Dean wasn’t so sure.

It’s not even that his Dad was particularly religious. He wasn’t told that it was a sin, or that he was going to Hell. Though it’s not like that particular statement would have been wrong. He thought with a bitter laugh.

While the thoughts in his head were screaming mercilessly, the drive home was in a simple silence. The only noise being Cas’s occasional sip, and the sound of soft fabric rubbing against skin as Cas moved his hand in small, comforting motions against Dean's back.

When they got to the bunker, Cas, who was genuinely impressed that Dean managed to drive them home without crashing into a tree, pulled Dean out of the car and gently shook him out of his self-imposed stupor.

“Your coffee's cold.” Cas said with a laugh.

Dean blinked a couple times, clearing the fog from his mind, before laughing along with him. “And who’s fault is that? You were the one who insisted on traveling across the state to get it.”

“Do you want some of mine?” Cas asked. “There's a little bit left, and I held it next to the heater. It should still be lukewarm.”

“No thanks, Cas. I can go make some in the kitchen.”

“But what if I want you to try it?” Dean glared at him. “Don't make me do Sam’s ‘puppy dog eyes’ again.”

“Okay, okay. You win.” He put his hands up, mimicking a surrender. “I'll try some of your stupid, Christmas cookie, candy-cane flavoured coffee thing or whatever.” They started walking towards the entrance to the bunker.

“Peppermint mocha?”

“That's the one.”

Cas laughed at him.

“Oh just, give it here.” Dean said. He took a long sip from the disposable cup. He could taste a vague hint of whipped cream mixed in with the coffee, its light fluffy texture sticking to the last swallow of smooth liquid in the bottom of the cup. The chocolate and espresso rested on his tongue, and the peppermint was strong and refreshing. He took another sip.

“Does that face mean you like it?”

Dean looked at him guiltily. “No.” He opened the bunker’s door and started walking down the metal stairs.

“Yes you do.”

“No, I don't.”

“You took a second sip.”

Dean reached the bottom of the stairs first, and walked over to the War Room table to set both coffee cups and his keys down.

“So? I was trying to make sure I properly understood the flavour. Since when is that a crime?”

“You wanted to properly understand a flavour you didn't like?” Cas walked up to Dean and pulled the nearest chair out to sit down.

“What are you two arguing about this time?” Eileen asked from the library.

Cas clenched both of his hands into fists, putting the right one on top of the other. He made small, circular, stirring motions with his right hand. “Coffee.” He signed swiftly, movements fluid.

“Ah. That makes sense.” She spoke the words.

“What makes sense?” Sam asked, walking in from one of the hallways, making sure Eileen could see his lips before speaking.

“They're arguing over coffee again.”

Sam glanced at both of them, before his eyes reached the two cups on the War Room table.

“Wait a second… Dean?” He looked at his brother, before turning to face his best friend. “Cas?”

“Yes, Sam?” Cas answered.

“Did you two go to Starbucks?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dean grumbled.

“Yes, we did!” Cas sounded way too excited to be referring to coffee. “I got a peppermint mocha, and Dean tried some and liked it.”

“I did not.”

“I don't care what coffee you like, Dean. What I do care about is that you went all the way to Starbucks, and didn't bother to ask if we wanted to come.”

“Not cool Dean.” Eileen walked in, shaking her head and hiding a smile.

“I might have thought about buying you two drinks, but there was no way I was ordering yours with a straight face.” He looked at Sam. “And it's an hour away, they wouldn't have been hot or cold or whatever they're supposed to be by the time we got here.”

“Well then we'll just have to go back, all four of us.” Eileen put simply.

“It's an hour away.”

“We know.” Sam added.

“Let me say that again, in case you weren’t listening. It's an hour away. For coffee. That isn't even that good.”

“I beg to differ, Dean.” Cas said.

“Yeah I'm definitely with Cas on this one.” Eileen agreed while Sam nodded along.

“No. There's no way I'm getting back in Baby to drive all the way to Starbucks again.”

“Fine. We’ll go get our own.”

“With what car?” Dean said, very sure of himself.

Sam snatched Baby’s keys off the war room table, which in hindsight was probably something Dean should have expected.

“Let's hope Sam doesn't have too many shots of espresso.” Eileen said, faking concern. “I would hate for your baby to pay the price.”

“Fine. I'll drive you.” Dean grumbled while Eileen double fist-pumped her win.

Cas looked very pleased with the thought of getting to try more coffee.

---

They left shortly after, the drive over painful for everyone except Dean, who listened to the same four songs on repeat the entire hour.

(It’s their own fault, really.)

---

“Can we please listen to something other than Bob Seger on the trip home?” Sam complained as he slammed shut the door to Baby’s backseat.

“You’re just mad you didn’t get shotgun.” Dean said, closing his own door. “Besides, driver picks the music, everyone else shuts their cakehole.” Sam mouthed the words along with Dean, having heard the speech a million times before.

Eileen and Cas got out, neither one of them had any desire to input on their squabble, and were instead engaged in their own, quieter discussion.

Both brothers continued to argue until they walked into the Starbucks.

“Ah. There's the scent of overpriced coffee I missed.” Eileen joked as she took her first breath inside the building, using her hand to waft the smell towards her.

“What are you getting?” Cas asked Sam.

“I want my usual, and Eileen, what are you having?”

“Hot chocolate with espresso shots please. This place doesn't sell liquor.” She shook her head sadly and Sam laughed. “Good thing I brought my own.” She winked at them, opening her jacket just enough so they could see the inside pocket and showing off her flask.

“Oh, now that would be a Starbucks I would go to.” Dean said.

“You two wait in line.” Sam pointed to Cas and Dean. “We’ll save a table.”

Dean looked like he wanted to protest, but they walked away before he had the chance. Cas leaned over towards him. “Don't worry. I'll order Sam’s.” He very conspicuously winked.

Dean smiled at his attempts of regular human interaction, before over-the-top winking himself.

“Can you order for us? I need to talk to Sam about something.”

“Sure thing…” Cas had to think before finishing his sentence. “...buckaroo.”

Dean outwardly cringed. “Keep trying, you'll get there eventually.” He patted Cas on the back, which was slightly moving in a chuckle.

It was good to see Cas filled with so much simple joy. Face creased from laughter rather than stress, he seemed so much lighter. Happier. It was only a small sliver of what he deserved, but it was something. Maybe he could live with driving an hour to get what he assumed was half-decent coffee.

“What would you like?” Cas asked him, eyes still filled with a sparkle that only comes from gaining something you thought you lost.

“Uh.” He thought about it for a moment, almost considering branching out into the unexplored terrain that was the dark green menu with small, white text, before shuddering at the thought.

“I think I'll take that expensive black coffee I didn't get earlier.”

Dean was not going to turn into one of those people, if he had any say about it.

Cas walked into the line, leaving Dean to scan the room, furiously waving Sam over when his eyes found their booth.

“Sam.” He sounded like he was trying to whisper, but his volume raised far higher than that. The patron closest to Dean gave him a look before turning back to their work.

“Sam, come here, it's urgent.” His brother turned to look at him, rolling his eyes before getting out of the booth.

“What do you want?” He said once he reached Dean.

“Sam. Help. What do I do?”

“About what?”

“About what kind of coffee Cas is having.”

“Oh god, Dean let it go. He's not going to only ever drink black coffee. Contrary to popular belief, former angels do actually have souls.”

Dean ignored the implications that he didn't have a soul, too distracted by Cas. “But look.” He motioned his head towards where Cas was standing, next in line to order. “He’s eyeing the weird fruity drinks.”

“Dean. It's Cas. The man’s favorite food is PB&J. What did you expect him to have, taste?”

“Alright that's rich coming from mister Pinkity Drinkity or whatever the fuck.”

“You walked into a Starbucks and ordered black coffee, I don't think I'm the wrong one here.”

“Wait, wait. Shut up. Quiet.” He hit Sam on the shoulder in a childish attempt at getting him to stop talking so he could listen.

“Ow. That hurt.” Sam muttered, before turning to watch Cas, which Dean was already doing.

“I would like to try a…” Cas methodically scanned the menu again. “A ‘Passion Tango Iced Tea,’ please.” The barista took no mind to the excessive air quotes.

“It's not even coffee.” Dean said to Sam, clearly distraught. He turned to look back at Cas.

“And your name sir?”

“Lizzo.”

Dean threw his arms up into the air. “I can't believe this is the man I love.” His voice cracked like he was holding in tears of anguish from listening to Cas order.

Sam just rolled his eyes at the theatrics. Right, and he’s the dramatic one.

“Aw. You're in love.” Sam held his hands up, forming a heart and mocking his brother.

“Oh shut up. What are you, seven?”

“Is Cas your gay thing?”

“You shut your mo-”

“What are we gossiping about?” Eileen whispered, cutting Dean off and causing them both to jump.

“We're not gossiping.” Sam said indignantly.

“Sam started it.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

“This is where I call you two ‘asshats’, right?”

“It's ‘assbutt.’” Cas said, walking up to them and catching the tail end of their conversation. “And that's my line.”

Cas handed them each their drinks, before excitedly trying his own. He put the plastic cup up to his mouth, almost missing the straw. When he swallowed the cranberry-colored liquid, his face relaxed in pleasure.

“I know this one isn't coffee, but it's really good.”

“We didn't get coffee either.” Eileen said. “So don't worry, Dean's the odd man out here.”

Dean glared at her before trying his own coffee, and well, it was coffee. The point of buying expensive caffeine still went straight over his head.

The four of them went over to their thankfully-still-available booth and sat down. Dean and Cas sat on one side, both instinctively choosing the side that faced the door, with Sam and Eileen sliding into the seats directly across from them. They sat there, talking about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing of importance, before falling into the natural art of storytelling.

Aside from killing monsters, that’s what hunters did best. Sitting around and sharing stories. As tiring and dangerous as their lives were, some hunts were worth sharing exaggerated and hyperbolic versions of, especially over drinks.

Sam’s favourite story to tell changed every time, and one would almost be inclined to believe that most of it wasn't real, but the wildest parts also caused the most merriment. (Dean pretended he hadn’t witnessed the whole thing, sparing Sam by not telling the other two how it actually went down.)

Eileen shared of her time in Ireland. “Foreign country, foreign monsters.” She said with a wink, telling of creatures neither Sam nor Dean had even read about.

Dean’s favourite story to tell, aside from the fact that he killed Hitler, was the time he got to solve a mystery with everyone’s favorite talking dog. And yeah, all three of the people that sat at the table had heard both many times before, but that didn't matter, it was still enrapturing to hear them again.

Cas had millenniums to choose from, but always found the most interesting hunts to be the ones with the Winchesters. He also had many hilarious stories about his adventures with Crowley, but he was less fond of those.

“I remember once, Dean went on a hunt with Dad.” Sam started. “Nasty vampire, it got a hit or two on Dean. I think you guys went with another hunter. Young. About your age, actually. Uh…”

He snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name. “Lee. That's it.” Dean looked up from the coffee right as Sam said it. “Do you remember him?”

Something flashed in Dean’s eyes, but his brother didn't seem to notice.

Cas, who was used to admiring every minute detail of Dean's expression and posture, didn't miss the ever so slight, yet sharp, inhale. Or the way he swallowed before speaking, trying to clear the small lump from his throat.

Dean noticed too, internally rolling his eyes at his own reaction.

“Yeah it's been a while, but I remember him.” Dean was blatantly ignoring Cas’s burning stare from beside him, and the fact that he had stabbed Lee through the chest just last year.

Cas made sure no one was watching before gently placing a hand on Dean’s thigh. Knowing it would comfort him from both intuition and experience. Dean stiffened under the touch, but after realizing no one could see where Cas’s hand was, he visibly relaxed.

“What happened to him?” Eileen asked innocently.

“Oh uh, a hunt I think. Most of us go that way, I assume he was no different.” Technically Dean dealt the final blow, but it was the entrancing call of the monster, greed, and the life Lee and Dean had both secretly wanted, that caused his former-friend’s downfall in the end.

“Yeah.” Sam said solemnly, suddenly lost in his own thoughts, most of which were riddled with grief.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the weight of their many losses wash over them like a tidal wave.

One made of espresso and milk rather than the rough waters of the sea.

---

The ride back was more manageable, Dean allowing them one song choice each, complete with a warning to pick wisely.

(They all very cheekily chose the songs they knew would bother Dean the most.)

---

Full on coffee, cookies Dean bought for them at Starbucks, and brimming with contentment, (as well as the fact that they spent half the day in the car), Cas suggested to Dean that they “hit the hay” as they stepped back into the bunker.

They laid there in silence, breathing in scents of comfort, coffee, and each other, until Cas eventually drifted off to sleep.

Dean, however, continued to lay there. Thinking.

He remembered the first solo case John sent him on.

Something curled inside his gut.

They had been two nuns, their fate a product of hate crime. Put to death for simply being themselves.

Dean didn't blame them for coming back as ghosts.

He remembered the words - ones he would soon learn were slurs - that John would spit out like acid.

Or offhandedly toss like they didn't bear enough weight to shatter the window of a person's self-image.

It had taken him almost forty years to realize that very same window inside of him was in sharp, jagged pieces. Cutting anyone and everyone who came near.

It had taken Cas dying to start picking them up again.

He turned to look at the man next to him, relaxed and blissfully sleeping. His chest moved up and down rhythmically, and Dean slowed his breath to match until he fell into a surprisingly peaceful slumber.

---

When Dean woke up, the other side of his bed was cold.

He didn't panic, knowing full well that Cas probably ran to the bathroom, or was pouring another mountain of sugar in his coffee.

Losing Cas again to the Empty had ripped him apart, but months of spending every night with his partner left him with less nightmares and waking in cold sweats then he had since before Hell.

Dean also learned that his own presence was enough to fight off the demons of solid, black goo that plagued Cas’s head at night.

He was finally starting to understand why life seemed to lose all meaning when Cas was gone, and from there he could slowly start to rebuild both of them.

Dean heard soft padding noises as socked feet walked down the hall, and there was a knock on the bedroom door. "S'your room too, Cas. You don't have to knock." He laughed, words slightly slurred from just waking up

Cas walked in, wielding two mugs of coffee and a proud look shining in his eyes. “I made us coffee.” He said triumphantly, handing one of the mugs to Dean.

“I put chocolate and peppermint in your coffee.”

Dean fake-gasped. “You monster. Ruining the integrity of my drink like that.”

“I'm a human, you ass.” Cas responded, a smile tugging at his lips. “Besides, I know you liked mine yesterday.”

“I did not.” He said, discontentedly crossing his arms. “I only drink coffee that's as black as my soul. Darker than the night sky. Hotter than the bunker’s computer when it overheats. As manly as-”

“Oh, just drink your damn coffee.”

“Fine.” He groused. “But I'm not enjoying it.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him, before setting his mug on the bedside table and sitting down behind Dean. The bed creaked underneath him as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “Is this why you and Sam never use umbrellas?” He joked.

Dean laughed.

Cas rested his head on the crook of Dean’s neck and whispered. “You know you don't have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?” Dean asked softly.

“You know.”

“That I don’t like flavoured coffee?” He said with a snort.

“Sort of.” Cas hugged him tighter. “No one’s going to think any less of you Dean. You’re allowed to like the things you like.”

“I know.” He resigned.

“John isn't here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.” The words barely came out as a whisper, hot tears betraying Dean’s eyes as they silently leaked out and ran down his cheeks.

He tried to wipe the tears away, hearing his Dad’s voice in his head and knowing he was being stupid.

Dean couldn't help but think of himself as a small, living-room window, from an old, dilapidated house. Stained yellow with age. Cracking from wear.

He let the drumming of his Dad’s words in his head be drowned out by Cas’s voice.

He couldn't unwrap the fuzz from around him, so he didn't know what Cas was saying, ears seemingly filled with cotton. It was just the knowledge alone that he was there. That he was holding him and whispering comforting words into his ear. That even as a human he could heal Dean at his lowest points, and still see him as the brightest, strongest, soul.

You don't really know what a picture is going to be until it's done.

Maybe that window is a beautiful stained-glass portrait.

“Uh.” Dean cleared his throat. “What-what do you have?” He indicated Cas’s coffee by angling his head towards where it sat on the nightstand.

“I made iced coffee.”

Dean just looked at him, astounded, eyes widening. “You mean it’s not hot?”

“Yes, that's where the ‘iced’ in ‘iced coffee’ comes from.” He said very seriously.

They both sat in silence for the next hour, peacefully drinking their coffee and enjoying the presence of one another.

---

When they got out of bed and ventured into the rest of the bunker, they found Sam and Eileen in the library.

They were sitting in adjacent chairs, with Eileen laying her head on Sam’s shoulder and reaching for her water bottle on the table. They were reading a book together, but Eileen shook Sam indicating she had seen them walk in.

“Goodmorning.” She greeted cheerfully.

“Mornin’.” Dean pulled up a chair across from them, and watched as Cas did the same.

“What are you two reading?” Cas asked.

“The Men of Letters’s Bestiary.” Sam said.

Dean snorted. “Ah. Doing a little light reading are we?”

“We're thinking about filling in some of the pages.” Eileen added.

“Yeah, for all of the stuff they have here, it's surprisingly empty.” Sam continued flipping through some of the pages, most of which were blank.

“Heh. I should put you in that thing, Cas.”

Cas let out a laugh. “Right. Because I’m a good example of an angel.” The sarcasm was masking something else in his voice.

“If it makes you feel any better, you’ve always been my favourite angel.” Dean only realised how sappy he sounded after it came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ve heard the rest of them are dicks.” Eileen added.

Cas smiled at that, seemingly back to normal.

“Right, well you three can do that, I'm off to the Dean Cave.”

“Or…” Sam started.

“We could go back to Starbucks.” Cas finished, nodding his head enthusiastically.

“Yeah... that's not where I was going with that, but I like where your head’s at, Cas. We should definitely go back.”

“Eileen?” He asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Dean?”

Dean pressed his mouth into a thin line and glared at him. “Yes, sure, fine. But we're not making this a daily thing.”

“That's fair.” Cas agreed. “It's probably not very healthy.”

He went to grab his wallet and keys before Sam could start his speech on the nutritional value of green things, and Eileen snatched her water bottle off the library table as they all got up to leave.

---

Dean gave up on letting them choose the music after snickering and requesting “Friday” by Rebecca Black for the third time in a row.

(It wasn't even Friday?)

---

Dean stepped out and closed Baby’s door in the parking lot of Starbucks an hour later, kicking the loose pieces of gravel on the asphalt for the third time in two days.

“We might as well just live here.” He said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“I wouldn't make that offer if I were you, Cas looks like he’d be totally on board.” Sam laughed.

Cas went and stood beside Dean as they started walking towards the building, smiling.

“What?” Dean asked, question genuine and free of all malice.

“Nothing.” Cas answered, smile not faltering.

His eyes revealed nothing but pure devotion for the man he was staring at. A silent promise, one without pressure, that he would be standing there, and Dean could take the leap anytime he wanted.

Dean was slowly inching towards the end of the diving board.

---

“I think I'll just drink my water.”

“Oh that's exciting.” Sam joked. “If I got you a lemon to go with it, would you be able to handle that?”

“Don't talk to me about my drink, when yours is a vivid green puke colour.”

“Hey, at least it actually has a colour. And a flavour at that.”

Dean couldn’t believe those words were coming from the same man who drinks exactly a hundred and one ounces of water a day. (Which, according to Sam, is the recommended amount for males, as stated by the Institute of Medicine.)

(Dean didn’t care.)

“Fine then.” She turned to look at Dean. “Get me the strongest thing on the menu.”

Dean laughed before turning to Cas. “Let's just go get in line before we suffer at the hands of the Leahy like Sam.”

Sam and Eileen went to look for a place where they could all sit again, playfully bickering the entire way.

While he was standing in line with Cas, Dean looked over at his brother, and found him and Eileen sitting at a small table in the corner.

Cas was still helping him learn ASL, so he caught parts of their conversation.

“If Jack is in every drop of rain, do you think he's in your water?” Sam signed, trying to contain his laughter.

Eileen pushed her water away with a look of disgust. “You’re lucky I love you.” She answered back.

“I know I am.”

He watched her silently laugh before turning back to look at Cas.

They really did have it good, didn't they?

“What are you ordering, Dean?”

Dean stood there silently, contemplating. He internally weighed his pros and cons, mind leaving the menu entirely. While there was still a lot of shit he had to work through, (shit he had been actively not working out his entire life), there wasn’t much of a decision to be made.

He would always choose Cas.

“You know what?” He reached out and grasped Cas’s hand firmly. “I was thinking about being less boring. What ingredients do you suggest I try?”

Cas smiled warmly, reaching the crinkled corners of his eyes. “They have a cinnamon flavoured one. That’ll be almost like apple pie.”

“Will it really?” Dean’s tone was dismissive, but there was a smile on his face.

“Yes, Sam told me.“

“Not that I trust Sam’s judgment, but okay, I think I’ll take one of those.”

“I'm going to have a real pumpkin spice latte this time.” Cas seemed very pleased with the aspect of buying something they could make it home, but Dean wasn't going to fault him for it.

The patron in front of them finished ordering, clearing the way for Cas and Dean. The barista from the first time they went caught sight of them and made a face. “Wait a minute. I think I know you two.”

“Yes, we came here yesterday.” Cas helped. “Well, we actually visited twice, but you weren't working the second time.”

“Right... John and John, how could I forget?”

“This time we're ordering for four though.”

“I would like a…” Dean squinted at the menu, looking for the cinnamon flavoured coffee. “‘Cinnamon Dolce Latte.’ And my devilishly handsome friend here will take the pumpkin spice version.”

“And what are the other two drinks and names?”

Dean whispered something in Cas’s ear. “I'll drink the coffee, but I won't budge on this one.”

“That's okay Dean, you’ll get there eventually.” He whispered back.

The barista looked unimpressed with them. Again.

Dean cleared his throat. “Ahem, sorry. The tall one with the stupidly long hair,” he pointed towards Sam, “is getting…” he trailed off before looking to Cas for help.

“I don't know, man. It was something sickly looking. Cold? Green? Possibly tea?”

“And Iced Green Tea Latte?” The barista suggested.

“That's the one. His name is Jimmy.”

“And the lovely lady sitting next to him would like the strongest drink you have. Her name is Robert.”

“Her name is Robert…?” He slowly pointed towards Eileen, sounding unsure of himself.

Or them.

“Yup.” Cas said.

Eileen gave a little wave from across the room.

He gritted his teeth in a very clearly fake smile. “Coming right up.”

They paid for their coffee and picked it up, taking the travel cups across the room and towards Sam and Eileen.

Cas took a sip from his pumpkin spice latte, gleefully smiling. “As much as I like trying different drinks, I think I might start just getting this one. It's my favourite.”

Sam leaned over to Dean, neither one taking their eyes off of Cas. “Should we tell him the drink is seasonal?” He glanced at Sam, before staring back at his partner, whose face was beaming like a literal ray of sunshine.

Dean’s face softened. “Nah. Let’s not ruin his moment.” He took a sip of his cinnamon coffee and damn, it was delicious.

Nothing at all like apple pie, but still delicious.

Cas walked over to him, making eye contact in a silent question. Dean nodded with a small smile, and Cas took his hand.

“I love you.” Cas whispered.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

They didn’t whisper to hide, and it wasn't because he was ashamed. It was because that exchange was just for them.

Dean leaned in and softly kissed Cas.

Now that was to tell everyone in the shop that his devilishly handsome friend was spoken for.

Slowly, the sun would come out and shine through the stained-glass window, shadow portraying the picture of an angel.

And alright, fine, Dean could admit that he enjoyed the peppermint mocha.

He thought about it for a moment, before giving a light chuckle, realising something.

“What?” Cas asked, turning to look at him with a soft smile resting on his face.

“Nothing.” Dean whispered, squeezing Cas’s hand in his. He took a sip from his coffee, relishing in the warm and cozy flavour enrapturing his tongue.

He was only thinking that maybe, just maybe,

Cas had changed him too.

---

Bonus Epilogue:

Dean held the glass door open for the other three, and they all walked out onto the asphalt, laughing, and making their way towards Baby.

The street lamp overhead flickered, and all four of them froze.

“Did anyone happen to get the salted caramel macchiato?” Dean whispered.

---

-This fic on Ao3 (Kudos and comments would be greatly appreciated.)

-Writing Tag

-Ao3

-Request fics/drabbles/ficlets. (Please)

[kieraelieson]

Janus’s Birthday

Commission for @borrowedblue as a present for @infinimay

It was Janus’s birthday, and Remus could hardly contain himself! He was going to make Janus the very best birthday!!

He had several fun games planned, and even written out and everything! And he’d been just about to show the list to Janus when Thomas had summoned him.

Remus crossed his arms and pouted for a long minute, waiting on Janus to come back. And when he didn’t, he popped up in the real world, hidden beneath the couch.

“I’ll just need your help for a few hours,” Thomas was saying.

Remus plopped down on the floor, rather annoyed to hear them setting plans for he-didn’t-care-what.

Eventually he went back to the mindscape, folding up his list and tucking it inside his shirt. It wasn’t fair. It’d been hard to write big enough for Janus to read! And now it was wasted.

Well, he wasn’t letting his plans get ruined so easily. He was an evil mastermind! He wouldn’t let his plots be foiled!

He paced back and forth, ideas spilling from his brain into half-real phantoms, swirling around him waiting to be picked.

He had to choose something that didn’t take Janus’s time. A gift then, not an activity. Or gifts! No one said he was limited to one!

He thought carefully, and finally the memory blasted into his brain, shattering it into a million pieces. He scooped them back up and plopped them back into his head, fitting the top back on. And then he remembered normally. He’d drunk the rest of Janus’s snake oil a week ago. He could get him more!

He squished himself underneath Janus’s door to find the empty bottle. He clambered up to the top of his dresser where he kept his beauty things, leaving a slimy green trail. He had to look around for a bit before he remembered that he had the bag of slime in his back pocket, and he’d sat on it under the couch, breaking the bag. Well, Janus wouldn’t mind too much. It wasn’t the worst thing Remus had spilled in his room.

He looked around the dresser for the bottle, and saw a glass dome. He recognized it immediately as Roman’s handiwork, since it looked just like the one from Beauty and the Beast. And inside was a chocolate cupcake, decorated with gold frosting that glittered and with a single candle, burning already, but never burning out, probably thanks to the dome.

And that really was not fair! Roman’s present didn’t get ruined! Well he was going to do one better. He was going to make Janus a whole cake!

Remus got down, snake oil entirely forgotten, and ran to the kitchen.

Roman’s cupcake was almost certainly conjured, so Remus was going to make his cake from scratch!

He got up onto the counter and started conjuring ingredients small enough that he could use them. He tried to think of how big he wanted the cake to be. Definitely Janus-sized. He wanted it big enough that Janus couldn’t eat it all at once.

He looked in the cabinet, and found a cake pan. Or at least it was probably a cake pan. He set it on the counter and quickly realized that he would not be able to lift it when it was full.

So he conjured The Terror of the Seas! She was a giant man-eating squid, and one of his favorite creations! Usually she lived in the ocean of the imagination, but when he needed big help and Janus wasn’t around she was always happy to help him. The kitchen was too small for her, but her tentacles reached inside.

“Hey, Terror, wanna help me make a cake?”

Terror let out a crooning warble, which meant yes.

Remus grinned and petted the end of one tentacle before conjuring a big enough bowl and spoon.

“Ok, you just stir while I add things.”

It took thirty-seven him-sized bags of flour, and 23 bags of sugar, the eggs he just tried to use normal-sized, with quite a bit of help from Terror. And he needed to pick a flavor, which he thought about carefully while unwrapping all the tiny sticks of melty butter. He could go with chocolate, but Roman had already done that.

Oh. Oh! If he did it red velvet it would be chocolate and look like blood when it was cut into!

With that decided, he added chocolate and then gleefully poured bottle after bottle of red food coloring in until it was a perfect blood-color.

Terror helped pour it into the pan and put the pan in the oven. Remus happily pulled out another bowl. It was frosting time! The color was obvious. He was doing it green. Or black. Or both! Both was obviously the better idea.

First load after load of sugar, and then a bit more butter, and then mix. Terror was incredibly helpful with mixing. Then Remus put part of it into a different bowl, squirting green into it until it was just as perfect as he was.

The other bowl was black. As black as Janus’s cape, and Remus’s heart. He really had checked once to be sure his heart was black, and it was! Which made it easy to get the right color.

And then the cake was done! It was supposed to cool before frosting it, but Remus didn’t have that kind of time. A quick wave of his hand and the cake was perfectly ready.

Terror has to help a bit with frosting, but then he sent away. Decorating was all his!

The first thing to do was to put his Morningstar on it, of course. But that just didn’t look quite right. Remus stared at it for a long minute trying to figure out what it was.

Oh! It wasn’t edible! And there wasn’t nearly enough either. He picked it up and broke the handle off, and then tapped it, which made it into a candy. Then he just had to make more!

He set them all at the base of the cake, lining them up neatly, since it was for Janus, and Janus liked things neat.

Now what should be next? Again, it took barely any effort to realize that the obvious next step was eyeballs. He did make them candy too, though that made him more sad than making the Morningstar into candy. Eyeballs were already so perfect!

Some marshmallow fondant made into swirls was very nice to put on top, but it still needed a few finishing touches. A can of deodorant, a banana peel. Remus frowned. Something was still missing.

His eyes lit up as he realized. He grew two big tentacles to lift him up and set him on top of the cake without messing anything up. Now. Now it was perfect.

He snapped his fingers to clean up the cooking mess, and then again to replace the fishy smell Terror had left behind with whatever smell it was Janus used as cologne.

Remus surveyed everything. It was perfect. He just had to wait for Janus to get back.

And he didn’t even have to wait long! Just a minute later Janus entered the kitchen, looking a bit tired, and stopped as soon as he saw Remus.

Remus stuck out his tongue in a smile at Janus’s shocked expression. “Happy birthday!”

••^*^••

Part Two

••^*^••

Remus grinned as Janus’s shock morphed into happiness.

“What do you think?” He asked, spreading his arms wide to gesture to the cake.

Instead of answering, Janus picked Remus up, hugging him close. “I absolutely despise it. Thank you.”

“Aww, you’re a softie,” Remus teased. “And you also have frosting on you.”

Janus held him out at arms length, snapping to remove the frosting from the both of them.

Remus climbed up his arm to sit on his shoulder. “So what did Tomathy want?”

Janus pulled out two plates and forks, and got out a knife to carefully cut the cake.

“He had a surprise party to help with. He had to coordinate everything and call all the people involved. This particular party is more complicated than the usual, as some people were able to know some details, and had to know other details, but certain details needed to be kept from them. And these details shifted from person to person, making it quite a complicated web.”

“And not the kind of web Virgey likes,” Remus said. “So what was the best part? I want all the juicy stuff!”

Janus smirked, cutting into the cake carefully so that each piece had a swirl of marshmallow fondant.

“Of course, the most entertaining was getting the person who the party was for to come to the location without telling them why.”

He put the pieces on the plates.

“The first idea was to propose that it was merely for them to hang out with Thomas, but then came the difficulty of getting them to the correct house. So then I suggested that, as the owner of the house where the party will be hosted has a dog, that Thomas should claim to be dog sitting. Of course, then they were concerned that they would not be welcome in a house with the owner gone, which needed a lot of convincing to overcome. Finally I insisted that the owner would be back before they would need to leave, and that she would be interested in hanging out as well. That Thomas had left that detail out as it was uncertain how long she would be there, as her previous engagement had a variable time.”

Remus nodded in interest.

Janus set the plates down on the table, laying his hand next to one so that Remus could slide down to the table.

Then he sat down, and Remus wiggled happily, waiting for him to take that first bite.

“Just to confirm, this is all edible, yes?”

Remus crossed his arms, over exaggerating a pout. “Of course it’s all edible!”

Janus smiled in that way he did when he thought Remus was being cute, picking a forkful with an eyeball on it to eat first. His eyes closed with pleasure as he ate it, and Remus shimmied in a happy dance before digging into his own piece. It really was tasty. Would’ve been better if the eyeballs were real, maybe a little slime in the middle. But Janus seemed to like it quite a lot, and that made it perfect.

“What’s that?” Janus asked, and Remus looked down to see his list poking out of his shirt.

“Oh! That was my first idea.” Remus said, pulling it out.

“Can I see?”

Remus handed it over and continued eating cake.

“You were going to dance with me?”

Remus shrugged. “That one would only work if we got the shrink ray, but there isn’t enough time anymore before your birthday’s over.”

Janus got a weird look on his face, and then it smoothed into something perfectly serious. “Well, you know, my birth happened to span the midnight hours, so to be fair, my birthday ought to span two days.”

Remus jumped up, eyes sparkling. “So we can still do the list?!”

Janus suddenly smiled, and it was his genuine, excited smile. “There’s absolutely no way we could do that.”

Remus jumped up and down in little hops. “Eat your cake! Let’s go!”

Janus even ate quickly, instead of neatly, finishing off the piece quickly. He covered the rest of the cake and put it in the fridge.

“Let’s go.”

••^*^••

Remus had worked hard on that list, trying to think of things that Janus would genuinely like.

And this first one seemed perfect.

They were in a bathtub as large as an ocean, Janus reclining against the side, fully clothed, as both he and Virgil were wont to do. Remus had made himself quite a few more tentacles, and was terrorizing the little ships, occasionally helped by a splash from Janus.

The bubbles though Remus was most proud of. He’d used Janus’s shampoo as the base for the bubbles, and then made them semi-sentient so that they would climb up onto anyone’s head and face to make giant crazy hair and beards.

Janus’s hissy giggle when he caught sight of himself in the mirror was exactly the prize Remus was hoping for.

And then on to the next thing!

As soon as they were dry they were suddenly in a lab, and scientists were tearing Remus away as he screamed bloody murder. In order to rescue him, Janus had to convince the scientists that Remus was actually human sized, and had just been hit with their shrink ray.

Remus watched in awe as Janus talked circles around the scientists, until they thought that they were the small ones, somehow made bigger when they weren’t supposed to be.

The grin Janus flashed Remus when he was handed the shrink ray was absolutely blinding.

And then he shot himself with it, shrinking down to the same size as Remus.

As soon as he did, the world morphed around them until they were in a ballroom. Not a grand ballroom, no, that was something Roman might do. This was a small ballroom, off to the side of the grand ballroom, where they could distantly hear laughter and chatter and music.

A little group of rats with tiny instruments stood in the corner and started playing music.

“Remus, I love this,” Janus said, taking the lead in the dance.

Remus beamed. “I knew you would.”

He still stumbled a bit, (probably he should have practiced a bit more) but with Janus leading the dance was even kind of fun. It was a quicker dance, while still being simple, and Janus’s grin showed that it was also a perfect choice.

When they were both just a bit winded Remus snapped to morph the world into a calm study, jazzy music playing in the background.

Janus dropped into the large chair, letting out a long happy sigh and stretching. “Thank you.”

Remus kicked his feet up over the back of his chair, hanging his head down in the front. “Well it’s not over yet!”

Janus smiled again, small and genuine. “I think I’m ready to take a break, and finish off the list in the morning.”

“Ah, alright. I’ll go knock some heads in then until you wake up. Too much of this mushy and I’ll go crazy!” Remus said with a wild grin.

Janus smirked. “Never change, Remus.”

[flapperfromthefuture]

It’s been a year since I took my first-ever baking class at our local world-famous food emporium, and since then I’ve slowly but surely expanded my doughy horizons.

I made my own challah during the holidays at my parents’ house, with fancy chocolate chips and dried cranberries mixed in.

My entire family acted like there was an astronaut in the kitchen. At one point, my dad wandered in and yelled  “She’s kneading! Just like on TV! Someone take a picture!”

Then my sister asked, “What would happen if you ate yeast? Would it bubble up in your stomach?” I said I had no idea. She said, “If you give me fifty bucks I’ll eat some yeast.”

My first attempt was decent, but my second was overproofed and I had to start over, and my ambitious plan of baking a dozen challahs to give as gifts to all our friends had to be scaled down to “Here’s two loaves for everyone to split,” but the results got good reviews.

Over the spring, I got into baking this Tunisian Orange and Olive Oil cake, from a recipe by the aforementioned food emporium, and I made so many of them that I experimented with swapping out the oranges for lemons (look out Bake-Off).

  My summer bakes were even more ambitious. Stella’s mom gave me a German checkerboard cake pan from the ’70s (it was made in West Germany!). Fortunately, Stella  speaks German, so she translated the directions and stopped me from putting it in the dishwasher. I baked three-layer checkerboard cakes in honor of the World Cup and the Fourth of July.

I made a red velvet/yellow cake combo for the Brazil/Mexico game with homemade green frosting to give each country’s flag colors equal representation.

Then Stella and my sister decorated it and let’s just say they will not be assisting me with my Bake-Off audition.

  On Saturday, Stella joined me for my latest baking class: “Noodling about Strudeling.”

The description for the class really reached for the stars: “Remember when you were little and the gym teacher pulled out a compact plastic bundle and magically unfurled it into a huge parachute that the whole class could fit under?”

Stella and I said “HELL YES!” because we went to hippie school, where every day was parachute day.

“Well, you’ll have that experience all over again when we take a grapefruit size piece of strudel dough and stretch it out to cover a 24 square foot table! It’s just about the most fun you can have making food!”

Seriously, this food emporium has some good copywriters.

We were super pumped. Stella’s mom is from Germany, and she’s taught Stella all their family recipes, but they’ve never attempted strudel. Stella’s Oma back in Germany, a certified badass who is still going strong at 97, has never made strudel either.  Strudel is really, really hard.

My hero and yours, Mary Berry, even says so—strudel is the only dough she buys rather than makes on her own. In fact, when the contestants made strudel on Bake-Off, one guy nearly sliced his finger off on the kitchen mixer and had to leave the competition to go to the hospital. Strudel is not playing around.

We entered the baking class to the sound of Cher’s “Believe.”

“I’m loving this already,” said Stella.

“Strudel” means “vortex” because you can stuff anything in there. Fruit, vegetables, meats, as long as you’ve got the time and space to stretch out dough to lengths that no other dough can go.

Someone asked if strudel can be made gluten free, and the instructor tried not to laugh.

“No, that would be impossible,” she said, for very sound scientific reasons. To get paper-thin strudel dough, you need gluten—and lots of it—because gluten is what gives dough the ability to stretch in the first place.

“Challenge accepted,” whispered Stella.

Strudel dough is so precise that we were told that if we poured just a smidgen too much of water, we would have to start over.

“You will know if it’s not exact,” said our instructor. “The dough will tell you so.”

She also told us to add in the eggs one at a time instead of cracking both at once.

“Uh-oh, you added the eggs together,” said Stella. “Oh no, I did too!”

“We’ve been here five minutes and we’ve already messed up the eggs!” I said.

“I didn’t even realize I was copying you,” she said. “Just like piano lessons.”

This is our relationship in a nutshell.

In order to develop the gluten and get it to the point that it can stretch from a ball of dough to this . . and then this . . .  you have to smack it around.

Our instructor demonstrated a technique called “The Beaver Slap” and I will be happy to invest in the first lesbian bar that copyrights that name.

The Beaver Slap is basically a yo-yo toss combined with a flyswatter whack only with dough that can easily fly out of your hand and into someone else’s head.

On Bake-Off, someone’s dough took actual flight across the room before a magnificent crash landing, resulting in the immortal line, “I can’t serve Mary Berry green carpet!”

“Don’t forget to duck,” said our instructor.

We were advised to take off our watches and rings. Stella and I were nervous, but we cheered each other on. You don’t survive twenty-two piano recitals together without some coping skills.

“Good connect on that one!” I said as Stella’s dough thunked against the table. We were told to do fifty Beaver Slaps in a row! “You’ve got this!”

Strudel! It’s not for the faint of heart!

So as with my brioche class, the dough we made in class was for taking home and baking later, with one of the many recipes we were so kindly provided. For the strudels we were making in class, dough had already been prepared by the pros, and we would work in teams to make that super-dough into FOUR individual strudels—two savory, two sweet. All we had to do was stretch the dough over our tables, then fill, roll, and bake.

On Bake-Off (this was my favorite episode!), someone said that strudel dough should be so thin that you’re only good to go once you can read a newspaper through the dough. But you can’t tear it! If you tear it, you can make a bandage out of your extra dough. And there is a lot of extra dough. Our instructor said extra strudel dough was ideal for making noodles.

“Ooh, we should take a noodle-making class,” said Stella. “Oh my god, I forgot about my thumb ring!”

“You’re still wearing your thumb ring?” I said.

“It could’ve flown off during the Beaver Slap!”

It was time to stretch. Our giant ball of dough needed a lot of work to make it paper-thin. We had to walk our fingers underneath the dough and manually pull it apart without tearing it or jabbing through with our nails.

It took some time and we had to patch a couple of holes, but we did it. Our dough was so stretched out that we used pizza cutter to trim the edges—and we had enough left for an entire new strudel. Stella wrapped it up to take home.

We brushed the entirety of the dough with melted butter, then we lined up our savory fillings at one end of the dough—asparagus and Parmesan cheese. We were just about to brush the asparagus with even more butter and then roll it up when the instructor gently pointed out that we had forgotten to lay down the base of bread crumbs.

Bread crumbs absorb the extra moisture that’s expelled by the fillings when they bake. On Bake-Off (I watched it live and then watched it again right away!), several people had “strudel hemorrhages” because their fillings started leaking in the oven and burst out of the pastry, Alien-style.

And then there was the guy who put on a latex glove because he’d cut his finger and then before he knew it the entire glove had filled with blood and oh my god it was such a ride.

“How could we forget the bread crumbs?!” we said, scrambling to toss bread crumbs over the entire length of the dough like we were trying to feed a colony of starving ducks.

We spread our sweet fillings—apricot preserves and farm cheese—without any issues. With fruit fillings, you want to be careful and put in only preserves or pie fillings that won’t release too much liquid in the oven, or use fruits that hold less water, like apples.

People on Bake-Off made the mistake of using other fruits like strawberries and the end result looked like a strudel massacre.

Next came rolling the strudel, which requires coordinating both the cloth and the dough at an increasing speed and without losing any of your fillings in the process.

“You just have to commit to it,” said the instructor.

Stella told herself, “Don’t panic!”

“That’s our story right there,” I said.

“That’ll be on the gravestones!” she said, and then she rolled that strudel like a champ.

“See? You were born to strudel!” I said. “It’s in your blood!”

“And I didn’t lose my thumb ring!”

We sent off our strudels to bake, and enjoyed slices of the demo strudels fresh out of the oven. Stella ate my asparagus slice. “I know you don’t like asparagus,” she said.

She’s been helping herself to food I don’t like since preschool. It’s such a relief.

“You know, we did cooking classes together in kindergarten,” she said. “Even though we’re adults, we’re just building on the same skills. And we still can’t follow directions.”

We clinked forks to our success.

“The gluten break starts tomorrow,” she sighed.

“We still have to bake our other dough,” I said.

“The gluten break starts Monday.”

I made apple strudel at my parent’s house to take full advantage of their kitchen island. When I said I’d stretch my dough to cover the entire thing, my dad thought I was kidding. My mom filmed me on her phone with the intensity of someone documenting the moon landing. And my sister immediately requested multiple strudels for the holidays.

Challenge accepted.

          Dough IV: Strudel! It's been a year since I took my first-ever baking class at our local world-famous food emporium, and since then I've slowly but surely expanded my doughy horizons.

[turkeyfeet8-blog]

Reader Food Diary: Jennifer & Family’s Success Story

Welcome to our 2019 Reader Diary series where we are going to be sharing success stories + what people ate for a week! We are still accepting entries, and those who are featured will receive $50 in groceries from Thrive Market, 2 of my cookbooks, and a free Prepear meal planning program membership for a year. Get all the details (and share your entry with us!) on this page. 

Hello! We are the Brees Bunch, and we live in Southern California. We have three children ages 17, 15, and 9. Both my husband and I work full time, but with opposite schedules. He’s a professional musician, and I’m an instructional coach. We have a lot of food concerns in our family, so we’ve been slowly introducing real food since January 2017, but really started committing to it in September of that year when our daughter was diagnosed with ADD.

My husband has Type 2 Diabetes and needs to eat lower-carb. He detests any type of seafood. My 17-year-old is a vegetarian but will eat fish occasionally. She has also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She has relied on heavily processed meat replacements instead of making vegetarian meals. My 9-year-old has severe ADD and functions better eating lots of healthy proteins and eliminating processed or sugary foods. My 15-year-old son has grown a foot this last year and is constantly hungry and usually turns to junk food to satisfy his hunger. And then there’s me—I’ve suffered from severe migraines for years and am always exhausted. Plus, I need to lose a significant amount of weight.

Photo Credit: Sarah Tolson

We knew what was best for our family but felt that our tight food budget and busy schedules prevented us from doing that. However, there was a point last year when we realized how much we were relying on processed food or take out for the majority of our meals. Not only were we spending way too much money, we just didn’t feel well. Our house felt tense all the time.

Success Story

One evening, as I went up to bed feeling sad and frustrated, I made the decision to commit to purchasing and preparing food that was beneficial, not harmful. I began looking for ways to do that and still stay within a strict budget. I came across the 100 Days of Real Food site and began to read and implement great ideas, like using only whole wheat products and adding fruit and veggies to every meal. I’m also a big believer in making food ahead of time and doubling recipes to have food to freeze. It was a bit slow at the beginning, and some of my family members resisted. But the benefits have been awesome.

So far…

I have lost 25 pounds from May – September 2017 (and an additional 15 lbs January 2018 to now!) and my migraines have diminished greatly!

My youngest daughter with ADD has shown increased attention after we transitioned to whole foods and cooking at home.

My husband has been able to maintain healthy blood sugar levels consistently for his diabetes.

My vegetarian daughter is able to find ways to make real food instead of always purchasing packaged, processed vegetarian items.

And, my son is able to satisfy his hunger by making snacks out of real food.

How We’ve Done It (so far)

We signed up for a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) box through a local farm and shop at Costco once a month for our bulk purchases. We also purchase a large box once a month from Butcher Box, which provides meat that is humanely raised without antibiotics or hormones. Then, we plan weekly meals together as a family. I ask for suggestions for dinners and breakfasts.

Our children are responsible for packing their own lunches. It used to be extremely difficult to plan lunches, since all 3 kids like different things. I decided to give each child a weekly set amount of money to purchase lunch foods—this would include an entrée, fruit, veggies, and a snack.

We shop as a family once a week, and it has been awesome to have the kids plan, budget, and shop for their lunches. It gives them more freedom and they like trying new things. Plus, they are much more likely to eat the food they’ve chosen because it was their decision. In addition, they can use anything from the freezer or fridge if they get tired of the same lunch foods for the week. Sometimes, they will plan together and share foods.

All 3 children help my husband, and I make meals at home, and our oldest usually cooks for the family at least once a week. Our meals are usually meat or protein-based, but we have side dishes that are hearty so that our vegetarian feels satisfied. We try to plan at least one vegetarian meal each week. In January 2019, we determined as a family that our next step on our real food journey would be to eliminate any added sugar for 40 days to see if we felt any better. We decided we could use small amounts of raw organic honey or pure maple syrup if needed.

We don’t have a lot of snack food—we usually have leftover breakfast items, homemade trail mix, fresh fruit, and nut butter, or hard-boiled eggs and veggies. For treats, since we’re eliminating added sugar, we splurged on Lara bars and fruit cups (in 100% fruit juice), just for this month.

We’ve cut out buying juices and sodas over the past year, so our beverages are very simple. I drink black coffee in the morning and peppermint tea later in the day. My husband occasionally has black coffee in the morning and black unsweetened iced tea in the afternoon. Our kids usually have water or unsweetened sparkling water with dinner.

For breakfast, 2 out of the 3 will drink organic whole milk, and the other will have organic unsweetened almond milk. We recently invested in glass reusable water bottles to encourage the kids to take a water bottle to school and hydrate! I had to have a chat with my 9-year-old when I kept noticing an empty juice box in her lunchbox. One of her friends was sharing her juice with my daughter every day. We had a great conversation, and my daughter shared she wanted something more than water with her lunch. She decided that a peach herbal unsweetened iced tea or sparkling water would meet her needs.

Our food diary is mainly what I ate throughout the week, but includes at least one lunch from each child, so you can see the variety and the choices they made.

Our Food Diary

Day 1

Breakfast: Chile relleno casserole, roasted potatoes and peppers, fresh fruit. Lunch: Tomato basil soup, grilled cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread. This is a typical meal after grocery-shopping. We usually try to have something simple since we shop after church and everyone is ready to eat by the time we get home. I freeze individual soup portions for lunches or snacks at a later time. Dinner: Beef taco bowls: grass-fed beef, organic black beans, roasted street corn, sautéed peppers and onions, organic romaine lettuce, sliced avocado, sour cream, salsa. Taco bowls are great for our family since everyone can customize them to fit their needs.

Day 2

Breakfast: Broccoli-cheddar quinoa egg bites, grapefruit or mandarins. With our early mornings, breakfasts need to be ones that can be taken to go! Lunch: Homemade Protein Box: Almonds, cheese cubes, hard-boiled egg, fresh berries. During my work day, I don���t have time to eat a whole lunch so I usually pack snack-type foods that are easy to eat on the go. Dinner: Pork chops with basil cream sauce, smashed potatoes, roasted broccoli. My daughter added Parmesan cheese to the broccoli. Treat: Lara bars and mint tea. This was the first day of cutting out added sugar, so I planned ahead to have something tasty and simple as a treat.

Day 3

Breakfast: Peanut butter oatmeal: rolled oats with natural peanut butter added while cooking, plus a drizzle of pure maple syrup, topped with apple slices (this is one of my kiddos’ favorite meals). Lunch: Homemade bento box: rice, egg sushi, sautéed spinach and garlic, quick pickled cucumber and cabbage, mixed veggies (this was the lunch my 17-year old packed today) Dinner: Spicy salmon cakes with homemade tartar sauce, garlic-herb roasted potatoes, roasted asparagus, and broccoli. My youngest is still not a fan of asparagus so the broccoli was for her. However, she knows that she still needs to try items she doesn’t like, even if it’s just a bite. Treat: Homemade hot cocoa sweetened with maple syrup and fresh whipped cream, homemade triple coconut cookies. It was a cold, rainy day and we were all wanting some hot chocolate. While making dinner, I made hot chocolate with dark cocoa powder, organic whole milk, vanilla, cinnamon, and maple syrup. I used organic heavy cream and some maple syrup to make fresh whipped cream. I also made triple coconut cookies with unsweetened coconut, coconut flour, and coconut oil. They were super crumbly but tasted delicious!

Day 4

Breakfast: Rustic skillet with leftover garlic-herb potatoes, scrambled eggs, sautéed spinach, and cheddar cheese. When I make roasted veggies and potatoes for a meal the night before, I try to make extra so I can make a skillet meal for breakfast. My family gobbled up all the roasted veggies so I added some spinach this time. I made breakfast and then went upstairs to finish getting ready. I came back downstairs to take a picture, and the food was gone! Lunch: Eat out with colleagues at Panera Bread: Greek goddess salad, turkey BLT with avocado. I rarely get to have a long lunch or eat out during the work week, so this was a treat for me. One of my friends is vegan so our restaurant choices are limited. Panera is a great fit for all of us. Dinner: Whole-wheat pasta with homemade marinara sauce, Caesar salad with homemade dressing. My daughter made this meal, and the kids ate before I was able to get home from work so I didn’t get a picture of the meal. Snack: I was hungry after dinner so I had an apple from our CSA box and a square of Parmesan cheese. The kids had homemade trail mix.

Day 5

Breakfast: Homemade granola, organic plain Greek yogurt sweetened with maple syrup, topped with berries. Lunch: Whole wheat organic sandwich thins mini cheese pizzas, popcorn, sliced cucumbers, banana, and mandarin oranges. This was my youngest daughter’s lunch for the week. We use the sandwich thins to make mini pizzas since it’s less bread and they get nice and crispy. They’re good even cold from the lunchbox! Dinner: Organic teriyaki chicken over coconut rice, sautéed baby bok choy, and radishes. We received the bok choy and radishes from our CSA box. I’ve roasted radishes before but have never sautéed them. They paired nicely with the bok choy. I like the flavor and texture better sautéed rather than roasted. My vegetarian daughter had mushrooms and cashews instead of chicken.

Day 6

Breakfast: Breakfast bars: I used the leftover dough from the coconut cookies earlier in the week and added mashed banana, walnuts, and chia seeds. I pressed them in a pan and baked for 20 minutes. My kiddos had the option to top with organic Greek yogurt and berries or have a hard-boiled egg on the side. Lunch: Uncured roast beef sandwich with Havarti cheese, pesto, and pickles, on sourdough bread, side salad, kiwis, multigrain tortilla chips (this is my son’s choice for his lunches this week). Dinner: Breakfast for dinner: Green chili egg bake, green salad, bacon, sweet potato home fries. This egg bake is adapted from a diabetic cookbook. It makes a 9 x 13 size pan, and we cut it up and freeze individual portions. You can add any cheese or meat you’d like. We usually make it vegetarian, but we had family over for brunch recently and made a bacon, gruyere, and caramelized onion egg bake that tasted very close to the bacon and gruyere sous vide egg bites I sometimes splurge on at my favorite Starbucks.

Day 7

Breakfast: Leftover egg bake and fruit. Lunch: Snack box: cheese cube, seedless cucumber slices, hard-boiled egg, blueberries, kiwi slices, mandarin, cashews. Dinner: Split pea soup topped with ham, Cobb salad, cheesy biscuits made with almond flour for lower carbs. The soup is made with vegetable broth so it’s vegetarian and then we top it with ham for all the meat-eaters! I replace whole wheat flour with almond flour for the biscuits, and it holds together fairly well. If there are any leftover biscuits, I save them for breakfast or snacks.

Final Thoughts

Our journey is far from over, but I think we’ve made great progress over the last year. The next step is to add another vegetarian dinner to our weekly rotation and to plan meals more efficiently so that I can double, or triple, recipes and have much more variety in the freezer. I think my advice to any family who would like to eat real food is to tackle one small area and do it well, then move on to the next challenge. I think that every day we try something new and beneficial, we should be proud that we’re making growth toward health!

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Source: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/reader-diary-jennifer/

[crimsonblackrose]

Eating in a foreign country can be difficult, especially with dietary restrictions. I don’t really have any other than being a wimp when it comes to spicy foods. I love to cook but at home in the country side with our tiny tourist grocery store there aren’t many options, especially options that won’t go bad before I use it all. As a result I probably haven’t been eating healthy. I mean I’ve got basics; pasta, bread, cereal, eggs, rice, peanut butter and jelly, but this is honestly the first time I’ve ever lived alone. In college I lived and worked in a Residential Hall so I ate most of my meals in the cafeteria. I didn’t cook often because I didn’t have my own kitchen or the right supplies to use the one in our common rooms. After college I lived with my Aunt and Uncle and cooked big meals for them and their kids. It’s really easy to not have to worry about food going bad when there’s a teenage boy in the house whose on every possible sports team offered at the school. Which puts me at the conundrum I’ve been at for over a year and still don’t think I’ve mastered. Which is what do you do when you’re living in the country side in another country with only the worlds smallest grocery store within walking distance?

Make a lot of mistakes

Waste a lot of food due to surprise mold

Scour the internet for recipes for single people

Eat a lot of bread

Fight with lazy days where you don’t want to go to the store

Look up translations of what things are

Substitute for what you actually have available

leftovers

Realize by the time you get home and the time you have to go to bed means your options for down time are doing something relaxing or spending the whole evening cooking.

The first time I went to the store I bought a lot of basics that all the households I grew up in always had on hand. Flour, spices, salt, sugar, and the worlds largest bag of rice. Sadly a lot of it got buggy before I could use it. It’s really disturbing to open up flour and see it moving.  Essentially the majority of people who live here drive to a grocery store further away and tourists who come in droves during the summer making the air smell of bbq are the majority of frequent shoppers at my local grocery store. They only tend to buy their weight in beer, soju, and meat. What the store has is limited and tends to be in bulk for families/groups on vacation. There’s not a lot of options of milk or cheese, not a big selection of vegetables and a lot of the produce is seasonal. Meaning I have to wait for the right season and stock up and then freeze it if I want some later.

The other big problem I have is that I’m one person and I don’t eat a lot and I kinda hate leftovers. During the school year I tend to eat a bowl of cereal, then lunch at school, which leaves only dinner as something that I have to be creative about. And thus I don’t go through food as quickly as I probably should. Plus in Korea pretty much everything molds before I have a chance to get to it or finish it. So instead of normal dairy milk 우유, I drink vegetable milk or soy milk, because it doesn’t go bad as quickly, I just have to be careful that it doesn’t get thick. I also freeze my bread and pop it in my toaster oven when I want to eat it, because I don’t go through bread quickly either. Eggs are difficult because I like having them on hand but I don’t use them nearly as fast as I need to and I’m not a huge fan of eggs on their own.

Despite all of this I have figured some things out. I’ve pretty much given up on vegetables at this point, other than carrots and cherry tomatoes, my grocery store sells most veggies in bulk. But hot dogs are easy, so is peanut butter and jelly or sweet pre-made curry with rice. I’ve figured out my favorite instant noodles, and have become a pro at basic pasta, salmon patties, and corn fritters.

During camp season (two weeks of summer and two weeks of winter) my basic cooking skills have to get level up beyond laziness. The cafeteria at school closes for break leaving me with an additional meal I have to figure out. A friend suggested a meal planning service in Seoul, that all their food is vegan. They’re called Sprout. You just select what you want by Friday, confirm your order via e-mail and then go to pick it up on Seoul.

Easy right? Well….

The first time I ordered through them it was a nightmare. I talked to the foreign teacher at the middle school whose diet is more restrictive than mine since they’re pescatarian and decided to put an order in for both of us. After all it had a lot of food I hadn’t had since my Aunt wanted to do a detox. Things like chia seeds, quinoa, and millet. With the combination of my order and the other teachers’ it came out to 7 days worth of food. Here’s where things got complicated.  I decided to pick up the food in person, at their shop. Their hours for pick up at the time were only on Sunday or Monday night from 6-8pm. As a person who likes to be in bed before ten when I have work the following morning neither of these options put me at ease. But I did it. I met up with a friend on Sunday, prepared with a backpack and an unwavering belief that I am strong and can carry ridiculous amounts of groceries.

It was dumb. 7 days worth of food is not something that you can carry easily, especially if you’re foolish and go shopping and fill up your backpack before you even get to the store. Even more so if you have to lug 7 days worth of meals (plus extra because they were nice and threw in some free meals) over an hour home through trains in plastic bags.There was no comfortable way to carry the bags. It got to the point where I boarded the ITX home completely embarrassed from the angry red marks all over my arms and the rash looking broken capillaries from all the blood vessels that had busted under the skin. I’ll spare you the photo I took. For over a week my forearms were bruised and spotty which isn’t a good spot to be bruised when your students, small children, are constantly grabbing your arms to get your attention

Thankfully now they’ve changed it up a bit. They now have a company that for about $8 will ship the food anywhere in Korea and it will arrive either on Tuesday or Wednesday. Which is what I did this year for winter camp. (Especially since my apartment is being remodeled and I can no longer just cross the parking lot to get to my lunch.)

What all did I end up ordering? Every week they change-up their menu. Which is great because it’d get super boring if they didn’t. For my first round I got Tomato and Basil Chickpea Stew, Chickpea Koram Curry over brown rice, lentil and vegetable casserole with lemon and thyme, smoky lentil stew, white bean and garlic rosemary stew, lemon garlic brown rice lentil soup, Thai vegetable curry bowl, quinoa burrito bowl and chopped vegetable salad with an Italian vinaigrette. Those were what I ate for lunch and dinner for summer camp. I loved all of it except for the Thai vegetable curry bowl which was too spicy for me that I ended up giving to my coworker.

I also ordered breakfast which were vanilla chai chia pudding, cinnamon millet breakfast bowls with nuts, seeds, and raisins, dark chocolate millet breakfast bowl with nuts and seeds and shredded coconut, and a strawberry chia pudding. My coworker and I didn’t like these. There’s something about chia pudding first thing in the morning that my brain can’t comprehend. I wasted so much time trying to sleepily chew the millions of tiny seeds that it just go ridiculous. And the dark chocolate millet breakfast bowl was intensely chocolately but not sweet, it was too much. I ended up dumping them into my blender with fruit and milk and drinking them like smoothies.

Snack and dessert wise I ordered millet patties and carrot cake cupcake with cashew cream cheese, coconut fudge brownies, coconut  cream cheesecake pie with chocolate drizzle and a reeces pieces peanut butter pie. The last two of which I left frozen and didn’t really defrost before eating but still really enjoyed. But out of all of them the carrot cake was utterly amazing.

This time I ordered much less. I had learned from previous experience that their breakfasts are just not my thing. Instead I ordered a ton of their lentil stews because I know those are what I love. They arrived in the middle of the afternoon at my school and I ran down to pick up the cooler. It wasn’t particularly clean, I think one of the desserts I decided to try melted (I now know why they’re frozen) and honey got over all the containers, but it’s nice not having to worry about lunch.

It can get a little pricy, about equal to eating out for every meal, but it’s also pre-made healthy vegan food delivered straight to your door. So I don’t mind ordering every once in a while. It means I’m not just surviving off of tuna mayo triangle kimbap for lunch all the time.

  Sprout Eating in a foreign country can be difficult, especially with dietary restrictions. I don't really have any other than being a wimp when it comes to spicy foods.

[soupoctave1-blog]

The Best Sugar-Free Snack Recipes and Store Bought Brands

One of the most popular questions I get asked during the 4 Weeks to Wellness Program is around snacking. For sugar-free snack recipes and brands, yes. But also around why I chose not to put any snack options in my weekly batch cooking menus.

When it comes to meal planning, there’s a lot of confusion around the when and how. Some doctors advocate for many smaller portions, others for three balanced meals a day.

Personally, I fall in the latter camp.

If your blood sugar is stable because you’re eating plenty of filling, balanced meals (packed with protein, healthy fats and fiber) you should be able to get through the 4pm slump at your desk without sticking your head into the office vending machine and inhaling its contents.

But every body is different, and of course these things take time and plenty of baby steps (which is what my course is all about).

If you’re a big snacker and find you’re hungry all the time in between meals, there’s a lot of work to be done and a road map to get you onto firmer ground. Starting with a mini vice detox (i.e. eliminating alcohol, added sugar and caffeine from your life for just a week) may seem like more than just a baby step. Yes, it can be downright painful. But it’s the best intervention you can take for your blood sugar and to begin moving your diet in the right direction.

When we snack, often times that means store bought options. And packaged food almost always means added sugar. It’s a line item in 80 percent of the grocery aisle, with hundreds of different names. Which means that when we snack because of unstable blood sugar, we are often perpetuating the problem by eating things that destabilize it further.

I’m going to break this down for you even more in a future post. For now though, I wanted to give you a list of my favorite sugar-free snack brands for making over your pantry and ways you can stock your fridge with easy to prepare low sugar recipes.

If you decide to do a mini vice detox on your own, I want you to be prepared. Removing added sugar removes a lot of your snacking options. And it may take you longer than the week to realize that you don’t need all of them in the first place.

Especially since it’s back to school season, we want to set ourselves up for success at home as much as possible! Read on for some of my favorite low sugar snack brands, recipes and strategies. Keep in mind that though many are free of added sugar, not all are completely sugar-free.

Make sure to read labels and take into consideration not just the line items on the list, but also how many grams of sugar overall you’re consuming on any given day. As less sugar will likely lead to less overall snacking. Reducing your cravings, and leaving a lot more emotional freedom to eat whatever you want, and however much you want at meals.

If you need a helping hand in that department, I have plenty of worksheets and label reading primers in my course!

With health and hedonism,

Phoebe

p.s. Also check out my post on how to detox your pantry from hidden sugar!

The Best Low Sugar Snack Recipes

Roasted Carrot Jalapeno Salsa with Pepitas: Turns out carrots make an amazing base for a salsa, plus they pack a subtly sweet punch that can help satisfy a sugar craving!

The Best Guacamole: ‘nuff said

Deviled Eggs: Deviled eggs are an amazing option for a snack-y craving and these ones are easy to whip up. Just be sure to check the label on your mayo and mustard to make sure there is no added sugar in either.

Green Goddess Avocado Dip: Whip this dip up if you need a break from guacamole, but want something delicious for your crudités. It also keeps much better without browning than traditional guac, so great for meal prep.

Creamy Black Bean Dip: Dips are your friend when you’re looking for a sugar free snack! They are versatile AND have the ability to make any boring carrot stick or tortilla chip the belle of the ball. This Creamy Black Bean dip is no exception.

Sweet Potato Fries: Use this recipe to make a delicious vessel for all of the dips you’ll be whipping up. Note that the aioli has sriracha, which has added sugar. Swap it for a different hot sauce like harissa.

Twigs in a Blanket: This is one of the most popular recipes in the FMP archives, and for good reason. It’s easy, healthy, and delicious. Just be sure the prosciutto you pick up does not have any added sugar.

Blistered Shishito Peppers: These look restaurant quality, but are actually extremely simple to whip up, and are a great addition to any snack platter or grab and go situation in your fridge.

Artichoke Hummus: This recipe couldn’t be easier, and it’s a crowd pleaser too. Toss all of the ingredients in a food processer and you’re good to go!

Somali Pirate’s Booty Popcorn: Self-popped corn is an amazing option for a sugar free snack. All of the crunchy satisfaction, none of the mystery ingredient labeled “butter.”

Kale Chips: This is less a recipe, and more a method–gone are the days of soggy but somehow also burnt kale chips.

Roasted Chickpeas: Roasted chickpeas are similar to roasted kale. They’re delicious when they’re perfectly crispy, but can be hard to nail. This recipe makes obtaining the illusive crispy chickpea  foolproof.

Banana Bread: This is an awesome option for a fruit-sweetened, but still delicious snack. The recipe uses bananas instead of sugar or a sugar alternative but still manages to be one of the very best banana breads in the game.

Coconut Fat Balls: There’s a reason fat balls (otherwise known as bliss balls or energy balls) are all over the web. They’re yummy and an great source of energy. These can be made totally sugar-free if you omit the dates.

Carrot Fries: A delicious alternative to sweet potato or white potato fries!

The Best Added Sugar-Free Store Bought Snacks

Epic Jerky– Most store-bought jerky has some sort of added sweetener, which is a bummer. Epic is a great option if you’re craving something that packs an umami punch but omits the random sugar. Their meats are well sourced, and if they do add an element of sweetness to their product, it’s usually with maple syrup, honey or dried fruit. My favorite variety that is completely sugar free are these venison sticks.

Keto Carne – If you’re trying to limit your sugar overall, best to go with something that’s completely sugar-free like Keto Carne.

Thrive Market Paleo Snack- Savory Flavor– Think of this as a savory trail mix. It has dried banana chips, nuts, and delicious savory spices. Sounds strange but is actually extremely delicious.

Simple Mills Almond Flour Crackers– When you’re looking for a store-bought crunchy cracker without the added sugar, Simple Mills is the way to go.

GimMe Organic Roasted Seaweed– Dried seaweed is one of my favorite ways to satisfy a salty/crunchy craving, but still get something green in. It’s also a great source of iodine for those of us who are thyroid challenged.

Lara Bars– These are a good option for an on the go snack, just be mindful: some of the flavors have chocolate, which includes added sugar. If you’re trying to limit your overall sugar intake, you’re better off opting for something savory as the whole fruit still packs a big sugar punch. I like the minis for portion / sugar control.

Homemade Sugar-Free Snack No-Brainers

Veggies: Carrots (baby or whole), celery, cucumbers, and bell peppers are all great options for sugar-free snacks. Add some chopped veggies to your weekly meal prep and you’ll have them on hand in the fridge for easy grab-and-go snacking.

Fruit: Keeping a fridge and fruit bowl well stocked with nature’s candy is a surefire way to keep those pesky sugar cravings at bay. Going seasonal is best when it comes to fruit. For the fall, local apples are my favorite, especially dipped in almond butter.

Hard Boiled Eggs: Sprinkle some salt and pepper on them for an easy protein-packed snack!

Rice cakes: While most sandwich bread has some form of added sugar (even if it’s a negligible amount) brown rice cakes are a safe bet as a vehicle for mashed avocado, nut butters and berries.

Nuts: My go-to for keeping it simple on the snacking front and making sure I’m not making myself hungrier with my choices, is a fiber and protein-packed handful of nuts. Roasted almonds (especially those yummy tamari almonds) are my favorite.

What’s  your favorite sugar-free homemade snack or store bought brand? Let me know in the comments section!

Need help getting your sugar consumption under control? My 4 Weeks to Wellness Course might just change your life. With a month’s worth of recipes that are gluten, dairy, corn, soy and refined sugar free, not to mention tasty AF, it’s a perfect way to explore your food sensitivities and balance your blood sugar for good. 

FIND OUT MORE HERE 

Source: https://feedmephoebe.com/the-best-sugar-free-snacks/

[stempisces83-blog]

focaccia sandwiches for a crowd

Last year, Alexandra Stafford published a very good book about bread. It sprang from a recipe for the peasant bread her mother made often when she was growing up. When she shared it on her site, it went viral, which is no surprise given that it’s no-knead, comes together in under five minutes, rises in about an hour, and after a brief second rise, you bake it in buttered bowls that form it into a blond, buttery crusted bread that she boasts is “the antithesis of artisan.” Because there are no hidden tricks; no steam ovens, special flours, lames to score the crust, or bannetons to shape the loaves. Her central tenet is that “good bread can be made without a starter, without a slow or cold fermentation, without an understanding of bakers’ percentages, without being fluent in the baking vernacular: hydration, fermentation, biga, poolish, soaker, autolyse, barm.” (None of those words appear in the book.) She knows that there are a lot of no-knead breads out there, but this is the only one that can be started at 4pm and be on the dinner table at 7.

I realize you’re thinking, as I briefly worried before I read it, how does one write an entire cookbook based on one recipe? But Stafford is a gifted recipe developer, and there isn’t a thing in this book — one part breads (with all types of flours, grains, and shapes, including pizzas, flatbreads, rolls and buns), one part toasts (including sandwiches, tartines, stratas, panzanellas, soups, summer puddings and so much more), and one part crumbs (a celebration of crunchy gratin toppings, stuffing, burgers, eggplant parmesan, fish sticks, meatballs, and brown bettys) — that I didn’t want to make. (I suspect that having four kids to feed ensures that these recipes were vetted by the most finicky of reviewer classes.) It’s also a gorgeous book, with a focus and format that my inner, long-surrendered organized person finds deeply pleasing.

My favorite thing in the book, and the one that I come back to again and again, is using the core bread recipe to make a focaccia that can be split and filled to make a sheet pan’s worth of sandwiches.* File this under things I never thought about pre-kids but obsess over now: Picking up sandwiches to go to the beach/park/pool/wherever your summer weekend takes you for a family or group of friends can be staggeringly expensive. I might even forgive the price if the sandwiches were usually better, but I’m sorry-not-sorry, they’re usually not. Either the bread is lousy and processed to the hilt, or they just don’t make them the way I want them, which is heavy on the vegetables and with a good mix of fresh, salty, crunchy, and pickle-like ingredients. Let’s fix this.

Below is the recipe for the simplest, quickest focaccia you’ll ever need to make and several sandwich filling suggestions (many vegan, too) I hope you’ll find good jumping off points.

* If you have Smitten Kitchen Every Day at home (do you? I bet you’d love it, I’m just saying) you probably already know about my slab-sized sandwich fixation. In the book, I use roasted tomatoes and more to stuff a focaccia *before* it is baked, inspired by a foccia ripiena we ate in Rome several years ago. This is concept is similar, but there’s no need to pre-commit to fillings.

Previously

One year ago: Blackberry Blueberry Crumb Pie Two years ago: Summer Squash Pizza and Peach Melba Popsicles Three years ago: Raspberry Crushed Ice Four years ago: Three-Ingredient Summertime Salsa and Blueberry Crumb Cake Five years ago: Charred Corn Crepes and Burst Tomato Galette with Corn and Zucchini Six years ago: Pink Lemonade Bars Seven years ago: Tomato Salad with Crushed Croutons Eight years ago: Nectarine Brown Butter Buckle and Sweet and Smoky Oven Spare Ribs Nine years ago: Best Birthday Cake, Arugula Potato and Green Bean Salad and Peach and Creme Fraiche Pie Ten years ago: Garlic Mustard Glazed Skewers and Huevos Rancheros Eleven years ago: Quick Zucchini Saute

And for the other side of the world: Six Months Ago: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Cookies and Slow-Roasted Sweet Potatoes 1.5 Years Ago: Broccoli Pizza 2.5 Years Ago: Spaghetti Pie with Pecorino and Black Pepper, Banana Puddings with Vanilla Bean Wafers, and Taco Torte 3.5 Years Ago: Caramelized Onion and Gruyere Biscuits and Charred Cauliflower Quesadillas 4.5 Years Ago: Garlicky Party Bread with Cheese and Herbs and Fennel and Blood Orange Salad

Focaccia Sandwiches for a Crowd

Servings: About 12 sandwiches

Time: 2 hours

Source: Bread Toast Crumbs

Print

Servings will vary by how you cut the focaccia, of course. Here I show 12 small/medium sandwiches. Depending on how hearty your fillings are, each person may eat 1 to 2 sandwiches.

You can choose your own schedule with this bread, by proving it for 1 to 1 1/2 hours at room temperature, overnight in fridge, or 10 hours at room temperature. For the last option, you want to make the bread with cold tap water.

To use active dry yeast instead of instant yeast, add it directly to the lukewarm water with a pinch of sugar to proof it for 10 minutes (it will get foamy) and then add it below where you will the water.

For more of a traditional focaccia flavor, you can sprinkle 1 tablespoon chopped or minced fresh rosemary over the top with the salt before baking it.

4 cups (520 grams) all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons kosher salt

1 teaspoon instant yeast

2 cups lukewarm water, made by mixing 1/2 cup boiling water with 1 1/2 cups cold water

4 tablespoons olive oil

Flaky sea salt

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, and instant yeast. Add the water. Using a rubber spatula, mix until the water is absorbed and the ingredients form a loose, sticky dough. Cover with a tea towel or plastic wrap and [choose your schedule]:

Quickest rise: Set aside in a warmish spot for 1 to 1 1/2 hours, until doubled.

Overnight in fridge: Set inside your refrigerator overnight, about 8 to 10 hours.

Overnight at room temperature: For this method, you will need to use only cold, no lukewarm, water. Leave the bowl on your counter at room temperature for 10 hours.

When you’re ready to make your focaccia: Pour 3 tablespoons oil onto a rimmed sheet pan (can use a 13×18, or half-sheet pan, but if you have something more 11×17-ish, as I use here, will make for slightly thicker loaf; you can line it first with parchment paper for maximum nonstick security).

Heat oven to 425°F.

Using two forks, deflate the dough by releasing it from the sides of the bowl and pulling it toward the center. Rotate the bowl in quarter turns as you deflate, turning the mass into a rough ball. Use the forks to lift the dough onto the prepared sheet pan. Roll the dough ball in the oil to coat it all over.

Let dough rest for 20 minutes (for Quickest rise or Overnight at room temperature) or 1 hour (if you used the Overnight in the fridge rise, so it warms up) without touching it. Then, drizzle last 1 tablespoon of olive oil over and use your fingertips to stretch and press the dough to the edges, leaving it intentionally dimply. If your dough resists being stretched all the way, get it as stretched as you can, wait 5 minutes, and return to stretch it the rest of the way, repeating this rest if needed.

Sprinkle with flaky sea salt all over and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, checking in on the earlier end, until lightly puffed on top and golden and crisp underneath. Remove from oven and let cool completely (this will go faster if you transfer the bread to a cooling rack) before assembling sandwiches.

To make sandwiches: If you’d like, you can trim off the very outer edges — this exposes the crumb and makes it a little easier to halve. (I didn’t do this because I like to make things hard, also I like edges.) Stafford recommends you begin the halving process by cutting through each corner, then running the serrated knife through the short end until you get to the midway point, then starting from the other short end until I get to the midway point. A sharp, serrated knife is helpful. Try to keep your knife as parallel to the bread as possible. She says she finds if she hugs the top layer as opposed to aiming for the center, she gets a more even cut.

Some ideas for sandwich fillings:

Avocado + Crispy Kale [Shown]: First, crisp your kale. I used a 5-ounce clamshell of curly kale leaves, tearing out and discarding any thick ribs. Rub/toss them with 1 tablespoon olive oil, spread them on a large baking sheet in one layer, seasoned them with salt and pepper, and baked them at 375&#176F for 10 to 15 minutes, until crispy and just barely brown at the edges (keep an eye on it). Then, scoop out and slice 4 avocados, fan the slices across the bread and mash/spread them smooth. Coat with olive oil, lemon juice, flaky salt, and red pepper flakes (like we do here). Spread crispy kale over avocado.

Hummus + Cucumber + Pickled Carrots [Shown]: First, coarsely grate 1 pound of carrots. Pour 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar, 1/2 cup cold water, 1 teaspoon kosher salt, and 1 to 2 teaspoons (to taste) of granulated sugar over it and stir to combine. (You could also add mustard or dill seeds or fresh chile peppers here.) Chill in the fridge for as long as you have — 30 minutes, an hour, and up to a few days. Carrots will get more pickled the longer it soaks. To make your sandwiches, schmear the bottom half of the bread with about 1 1/2 cups hummus (storebought or homemade). Squeeze out little handfuls of pickled carrot and sprinkle this on as your next layer. For you final layer, use a y-peeler to shave long ribbons off 1 large (1/2 to 3/4 pound) seedless cucumber. Tousel these on top; season them with salt and pepper.

Walnut pesto + grilled zucchini ribbons (skip the parmesan in the pesto to make it vegan)

This grilled pepper and torn mozzarella panzanella, minus the croutons

This crunchy asparagus and egg salad

Pickled vegetable sandwich slaw + anything else you love on sandwiches

This salsa verde + any grilled or roasted vegetables

This zucchini carpaccio salad, as a sandwich filling

Any of the sandwiches from the archives

Many of the salads from the archives, such as this egg salad, this chicken salad (not vegetarian, of course), that chicken salad, or even (I love this as a sandwich) this chicken caesar, with the dressing spread on both sides of the bread, the chicken thinly sliced, and the romaine cut into thin ribbons. I wouldn’t be sad to have a broccoli or cauliflower slaw between bread, either.

Or, of course, endless slices of peak-season tomatoes + mayo + salt, or the same plus sliced mozzarella + basil pesto

Source: https://smittenkitchen.com/2018/08/focaccia-sandwiches-for-a-crowd/

[healthyeating43-blog]

6 Basic But Body-Changing Diet Tips

New Post has been published on https://dietguideto.com/trending/6-basic-but-body-changing-diet-tips/

6 Basic But Body-Changing Diet Tips

via Giphy

With the holidays well and truly behind us, it’s time to get our health back on track. While we have no regrets about eating that second, third or fifth slice of pumpkin pie and endless servings of mac and cheese, life is all about balance, so it’s time for some healthy switch-ups. And even though we’re ready to hop back on the health wagon, we don’t want to feel like we’re always missing out on all of life’s deliciousness. So, to you help you avoid food fomo, we spoke to celebrity nutritionist Dr. Oz Garcia who coaches goddesses, Gwyneth Paltrow and Naomi Campbell. He shared six healthy diet hacks that’ll help you stay on track, without feeling like you always have to say no!

1. Start the morning out with a high fat/ nutrient dense breakfast.

“One of the mistakes people make when dieting is starting the day with a non-fat cereal with skim milk or fat-free yogurt with fruit. These types of breakfasts will only hold you over for a short period of time and having you crave a mid-morning snack. Instead, a high fat, low carb breakfast will keep you satiated for hours and take away cravings during the day. A smoothie with flax, chia or MCT oil, two eggs with avocado or full-fat Greek yogurt with a tbsp of almond butter are all great options and will promote weight loss if you eat less during the day as a result of this kind of nutritious breakfast.”

2. Get on the cauliflower hype

via Giphy

“This just may be my favorite out of the healthy food swaps: cauliflower recipes are probably the best thing that happened to people on a low-carb or grain-free diet. It makes a delicious pizza crust, can be used in the place of rice, and can even fatten up your smoothies. Personally, I’m too lazy to make my own rice or pizza crust, but due to its popularity, Trader Joes now has a cauliflower pizza crust, and, you can even buy a pre-made frozen in some health stores. The rice is also sold pre-made so you don’t have to slave in the kitchen. When making smoothies, try using a cup of cauliflower (which adds texture without a weird taste).

Cauliflower is one of the cruciferous vegetables that is great for combatting inflammation, supports digestion and detoxification and contains only a fraction of the calories and carbohydrates that are in bread or rice. Additionally, it won’t impact your blood sugar in the same way; making it a healthier option for diabetics.”

3. Add leafy greens to your smoothies

via Giphy

“Smoothies can be a great way to start the morning or a calorie bomb full of sugar (even if it’s natural sugar from fruit)! I have a smoothie every morning with a high-quality protein powder, but I don’t use bananas or too much fruit. For creaminess – using a large handful of organic spinach, kale or even bok choy (yes it actually mixes well) can give your smoothie the right texture and then you’ll only need a few frozen strawberries or blueberries to provide sweetness.

Leafy greens are a healthy alternative because they contain a high water content which makes them hydrating – especially during a hot summer… They also have antioxidant properties, aid in detoxification, are full of vitamins and minerals, and are a good source of fiber (which will help to assist in elimination). Chia, Flax or Hemp seeds are another easy way to add in fiber, Omega -3s and protein while further stabilizing blood sugar to keep you full for hours.”

Posts You’ll Love:

4. Ditch the soy sauce

“You can eat a seemingly healthy dish such as chicken and vegetables, or a tofu stir-fry, yet it often gets spoiled with sauces which contain wheat, gluten, added sugars and artificial ingredients that can cause inflammation, digestive discomfort, and weight gain. Instead,  is one of the more natural healthy food swaps that I’ve learned to cook or marinate my foods with. If you order Asian takeout, ask for no sauce and use this instead.”

5. Spiralize

Source: Oleksandra Naumenko/Shutterstock

“Anyone with inflammation, autoimmune issues, or looking to lose weight should eliminate pasta – even if it’s whole grain or gluten-free. The calories and carbohydrates are too heavy. As a substitute, spiralized zucchini noodles are one of the best healthy food swaps without having to spiralize zucchini by hand. Even though there are low-carb tofu noodles and other pasta swaps, these have more health benefits. They are a great source of fiber, vitamins, and minerals and won’t ruin your diet. Add some turkey meatballs, broccoli, and fresh tomato sauce, and you have a deliciously, healthy meal without the guilt.”

6. Make healthy dessert swaps

“Too many of my clients get into ‘diet’ desserts. This includes frozen yogurt with sugary toppings, ice cream substitutes, etc. that are very hard to portion control. Eating a huge cup of fat-free yogurt or a pint of a low-cal ice cream brand that claims to be only 300 calories is still problematic. Regardless of calories alone, who wants to eat chemicals?! It’s better to eat portioned ‘real food” with nutritional value.’

1. Baked apple

Source: Tobik/Shutterstock

“If you like apple pie, baked apple is a great alternative. You just have to core the apple, then place on a baking sheet. Use a little cinnamon, Stevia and sprinkle on a small amount of gluten-free granola or dark chocolate chips. One apple alone can replace a slice of cake with a quarter of the calories and artificial ingredients. Baked apple provides fiber to keep you satisfied along with healthy antioxidants and polyphenols.”

2. Yogurt with almond butter 

“Instead of an ice cream substitute or frozen yogurt, try one individual portion of unsweetened plain Greek yogurt. Pair this with 1 tsp or tbsp almond butter. You can add ½ Stevia packet and even a few dark chocolate chips (at least 70%). A snack like this is low-carb, high in protein, low in sugar, under 200 calories and full of probiotics for healthy digestion. I don’t believe that eating non-fat dairy is necessary. However, when you add on the almond butter, it adds those extra grams of fat to keep you satisfied.”

We don’t know about you guys, but we are definitely going to be trying out ALL of Dr. Garcia’s tips, stat! Let us know if you guys found this helpful in the comments below, and if you’d like to see more posts like this again.

Source

6 Basic But Body-Changing Diet Tips

[newssplashy]

Girl Smarts: ‘I cut out dairy and gluten and it completely changed my life’

I couldn’t figure out why I had no energy, but I noticed myself becoming a different person.

In my early twenties, I was a school teacher and Pilates instructor, and on top of my jobs, I was used to running five miles almost every day. But slowly, I became so exhausted that I could barely get out of bed to go to work.

I couldn’t figure out why I had no energy, but I noticed myself becoming a different person. On top of my depleted energy, I had constipation so bad that at one point, I couldn’t go for two weeks.

In 2012, when I was 25, I went to my doctor, who told me I had Hashimoto’s disease, a disorder in which the immune system attacks the thyroid. This led to hypothyroidism-my thyroid wasn’t producing enough thyroid hormone-and my doctor said this was the cause of my fatigue.

I began taking hormones every day to replace those that my body wasn’t producing, as well as laxatives for my constipation. Still, my energy levels didn’t change much. I was still tired all the time, and for me, the prescription medications felt more like Band-Aids than solutions.

Even after two years of treatment, I still felt so exhausted that I had to resign from my teaching job. I knew I had to do something to bring back my energetic self.

'I was willing to try anything.'

In 2014, I was sitting down at a wedding reception when a friend who practices functional medicine came up to me. It was a few months after I’d resigned from my job, and she could tell something was wrong. “What’s going on with you?” she asked. I told her about my autoimmune disorder and how the hormones just weren’t helping me.

“No grains, legumes, refined sugar, or dairy,” she replied. “Try it.”

This type of diet isn't a conventional approach to hypothyroidism. (So far, evidence of a gluten-free diet improving thyroid function is mostly anecdotal, although some women do swear by it to help their symptoms).

Making such a big change probably seems drastic to some. But at that point, after years of feeling exhausted and sick, I was willing to try just about anything to get my energy back and feel better about myself.

I had always loved eating fruits, veggies, and proteins anyways. But baking-that was something I couldn’t live without. It was my love language. I baked cookies for my brother and his friends after school when we were kids, and I baked banana bread for my now-husband for our second date. We made that same banana bread for each guest at our wedding.

I was a baker at heart, and I felt like my only choices were giving it up or baking without being able to try a single bite. So as I went into the diet, I was determined to find a way to keep baking in my life.

'My new diet was surprisingly easy.'

 It was probably less than a week into my new diet when I was craving something sweet. I knew I couldn’t keep myself from baking long, but I didn't want to totally blow my new eating habits. So I challenged myself to bake without any of the ingredients I had eliminated from my diet.

After tons of trial-and-error, I found the five perfect ingredients that I could use to bake just about anything from cakes to cookies to brownies, and of course, banana bread:

Almond flour

Coconut oil

Organic eggs

Himalayan pink salt

Maple syrup

I was thrilled. I could have my cake (literally!) and my new-and-improved diet, too.

When it came to my day-to-day eating, I found easy ways to replace the ingredients I had cut out:

For breakfast, I started eating a few eggs and veggies or a cup of decaf coffee blended with coconut cream and a collagen protein supplement.

For lunch, I’ll have what I call a “loaded salad,” which I pack with protein like chicken, eggs, or fish mixed with green veggies like kale and Brussels sprouts.

For dinner, I'd eat more veggies, which I love to roast, and another protein. I learned to make sweet potato fries as a healthy alternative to French fries and spaghetti squash when I’m in the mood for something pasta-like. I figured out ways to make lasagna and bolognese without grains or gluten, too.

When I got hungry between meals (which surprisingly didn't happen often!), I ate 100 percent cacao or dehydrated coconut pieces, which I call “coconut jerky.” (It’s really good, I promise.)

At the beginning of each week, I roasted a big batch of vegetables and sweet potatoes. That way, I knew I'd have something easy and healthy to grab when my days got busy.

'I took my baking to a whole new level.'

 This may sound crazy, but the diet change was much easier-and more fun-than I thought it would be. My husband and I decided to stopped buying any groceries with refined sugar, grains, legumes, and dairy. Instead we bought more proteins, fruits, vegetables, and good fats, like avocados.

It was life-changing to realize that I didn’t have to give up my passion for baking (and, of course, tasting). After I made a chocolate cake for my friend, Claire Thomas, using those five ingredients, her response was “I’m sorry, what?” She couldn’t believe how great it tasted, and she challenged me to start selling my cakes.

Soon after that, and just three months after I started my new diet, Claire and I founded Sweet Laurel, our brand and bakery, together. What started as an Instagram accountbecame a company from my kitchen, where I baked using those five ingredients and delivered them myself.

They started selling like wildfire, and we’re set to open a brick-and-mortar bake shop this year. I’ll never get tired of reactions from my friends, family, and customers when they learn that the dessert they’ve just tasted is completely free of gluten, grains, and refined sugar.

'Within a few months, I had more energy than ever.'

A post shared by Sweet Laurel: Real Baked Goods (@sweetlaurelbakery) on Apr 10, 2018 at 4:50pm PDT

After eliminating gluten, dairy, legumes, and refined sugar from my diet, I noticed a difference almost immediately. My constipation was gone within days, no laxatives needed. Within a few months, I had more energy than ever. I went from being too tired to go to work to being able to bake all day, and, before the company really took off, deliver the desserts myself. (Now, it's lack of time, not energy, keeping me from hand-delivering my creations!)

I felt better than I ever thought I could, and getting to share my baked goods with the world has really inspired me to stick with my new diet. Claire and I even wrote a cookbook, Sweet Laurel: Recipes for Whole Food, Grain-Free Desserts, to share some of my recipes and show other people how they can change their diets without sacrificing their favorite treats. Knowing that everyone, dietary restrictions or not, can have cake on their birthday is all I need to keep going.

'I'm never looking back.'

 I’m back to exercising regularly, practicing yoga, and taking power-walks with my husband. We stay busy with our son, Nico, who just celebrated his first birthday with a grain-free, refined-sugar-free cake. Honestly, I've never felt better.

In addition to my increased energy, my autoimmune disease is in remission. Before my diet change, when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, my blood test showed antibodies against thyroid peroxidase, which aids in the production of the thyroid hormone. Recently, my blood tested negative for those antibodies, which means my thyroid can function normally. I can't necessarily say that my diet was the cure, but I believe it has helped my symptoms a lot-and I'm never looking back.

'Where there's a will, there's a way.'

 For those looking to cut gluten-or any other ingredient-out of their diets, my advice is simple: plan ahead. I keep tons of healthy breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack options at home, ready to easily prepare or grab and go.

Before going out to eat, I always find the restaurant’s menu online to see if I can eat something there. If I can’t find anything on the menu, I eat before I go. If I go to potlucks or dinner at friends’ houses, I bring a big bowl of something I can eat that I know everyone will enjoy. I don’t have to miss out on good times with friends and family just because I’ve eliminated a few foods.

Always remember, when there’s a will, there’s a way. There are tons of options on the market that are free of gluten, dairy, and sugar. And if you can’t find something you love, don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty in the kitchen-or in my case, the bakery.

source https://www.newssplashy.com/2018/05/girl-smarts-i-cut-out-dairy-and-gluten_10.html