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leifygreeens · 1 year ago

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ey yooooo are requests still open?? if so, what are the bachelor/ette's first impressions of the farmer? who do you think has a crush right off the bat and who takes a little longer to warm up to them?

They are open! I’ll let y’all know when they’re closed, but you can still send in requests regardless—I won’t delete any, but I have to wait until I have time to work through them. This got away from me, it’s so long, and I really wanted to do a bit for everybody, but the post is a monster so I'm going to make the bachelorette's a little later, if that's alright! It also fell a little more toward “How The Marriage Candidates Fall In Love With You,” so. Uh. Whoops? I hope you enjoy!

Bachelorettes are here.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, Shane and Seb are rude, some bits of dialogue, non-canon compliant. Hope you like this!

Sam

Sam saw you on the first friday of spring, at the saloon

He thought you looked… pretty normal, actually

like, yeah sure, you had work boots caked with dried mud, and a backpack stuffed past-full with an assortment of busted up tools slung over your shoulder, but other than that, pretty normal

Besides, it wasn’t weird for people living on a farm to have a lot of tools, right?

He’s got the image of you seared into his brain for a few days afterward, but doesn’t talk about it with Seb and Abigail because they’re both weirdly touchy about the subject (more on that later)

Then you approach him at the egg festival to introduce yourself, and Sam’s curiosity grows that much more

Your boots are still filthy, your backpack is practically bursting at the seams, and he’s pretty sure he saw you drop at least 5000 gold on seeds at Pierre’s stand

He wants to talk to you more, but then Lewis starts the egg hunt, and for the first time since Sam moved to Pelican Town, Abigail loses—to you

Everyone is surprised, Abigail is bitter about it, Sam wishes he’d had the chance to talk to you again after the egg hunt was wrapped up, but he couldn’t find you

He’s even more taken aback when he hears about your stints in the mines to the north of town, because aren’t there monsters down there????

Not to mention you apparently have a nasty habit of falling asleep in town instead of at your farmhouse?? Where you should be sleeping?? Hello?????

Plus the acts of literal deforestation you’ve apparently been enacting outside of Seb’s house? (with robin’s permission, but still)

He is so confused

The flower dance rolls around

You don’t ask anyone to dance, but you do make your rounds, making sure to talk to everyone—even Clint and Mr. Mullner, and he’s especially surprised when he spots you talking to the homeless guy that lives behind Seb’s house

He’s interested to get to know you, but isn’t self-aware enough to examine the underlying intentions there

Over the course of your friendship, he starts feeling things he didn’t know he could

When you defend him with Lewis, when you take the blame for the egg incident—and when you arrive to the bus stop twenty minutes early for their gig in the city—even though you hate the city

You dressed up for the occasion, and Sam almost drops his guitar case in the dirt when he sees you

You help them load up their equipment into the bus, and Sam can’t stop looking at you

Asks to sit next to you during the drive

You share his earbuds and he shows their music to you

You both bob your heads to the beat, and your thighs are pressing together, but he's the only one who notices

He wants to hold your hand so bad

And then when he’s on stage, he’s got anxiety bubbling in his gut, but one look at you standing in the front row has him jumping headfirst into the set with a wild grin on his face

He catches you buying one of their band shirts and a CD from outside the venue

He gets breathless every time he sees you wearing it around town after that

You wear it when you hand him the bouquet, too, and he swears he could fall to his knees

Seb

He doesn’t like you

Even before you showed up, he didn’t like you

For weeks, you were all anyone could talk about

He couldn’t make it through one conversation without hearing about you, and it drove him nuts

He didn’t understand the allure, or the interest, and he was genuinely irritated every time you were mentioned

Like a song that you overplay so much that you end up hating it?

Yeah. exactly like that

When he meets you, he’s even more put off because he doesn’t understand you

He doesn’t understand why you’d leave the city to go to Pelican Town

He understands the allure of a gigantic swathe of land waiting to be claimed, but still.

Pelican Town???

Also weirded out by how eager you are to make friends, and the first time you gift him a quartz crystal, he doesn’t know how to react—mainly he’s just afraid about how you knew he liked them because he knows for a fact that he's never told you

But even though you make him uncomfortable at first, he’s not going to be outright rude to you or go out of his way to be a dickhead

And honestly, you’re still nice

You’re weird, and he’s never seen the land around his house so devoid of trees before, but that’s really as far as his opinion goes

his mother isn’t stressing nearly as much about bills anymore due to your commissions, so he’s kind of glad about that

But you’re so different from him, and he’s pretty committed to getting the hell out of pelican town, so what does it matter? He’s not going to be around for long enough to make a real friend out of you

Oh, Sebby

He immediately changes his tune the first time you give him sashimi

It was surprising that you didn’t make up a story or give an excuse for it, either

You waltzed into his room like you owned the place, waited until he was finished with work (which was… a new experience for him) and set the container on his corner shelf

“You like sashimi, so I made this for you. Tell me what you think. Have a good day, Seb.” and you smiled at him, and maybe you didn’t notice the way his ears flushed bright red, or maybe you were just too nice to point it out

And it was good sashimi

It wasn’t a special occasion, it wasn’t a prank, and he was dead confused because you’d only exchanged a few hellos and stilted conversations that altogether totaled a grand three minutes, so he had no idea how you knew again

Worked up the courage to ask

Everything clicked into place when you told him that his mother and half-sister mentioned it to you

And then he was stuck with the knowledge that you talked about him to other people—that you even asked about him

You’re respectful of his time and boundaries, you speak kindly to him, show an interest in his hobbies, and he’s amassed a small collection of frozen tears and quartz crystals lined on his shelves

He orders stands for every last one, dusts them all regularly, and when you give him an obsidian stone, he starts carrying it around with him in his pocket, just because

He fights with himself for months before he can admit to himself that he has a crush on you

Definitely has that “oh no” moment lmao

Can’t look at you for a little while, but once he gets over that, he can’t stop looking

Takes longer to admit it to anyone else, and doesn’t intend to admit it to you

You throw a wrench in that plan eventually :)

Alex

We all know he finds you attractive right off the bat

Which—obviously, why wouldn’t he? (<3)

But unlike Shane, for example, he’s readily kind and eager to talk to someone other than his grandparents or Haley

He might be attracted to you, but he’ll try his best not to let that color his interactions as much

There are moments where he slips up, but there’s no negative intentions there

And because he knows himself, he figures whatever mini-crush he’s developing will eventually go away

When it doesn't, he gets really down on himself

Starts thinking about you constantly, and rethinking all of your interactions so far

Kind of ashamed of how he treated you

You’ve always been so kind to him, and so supportive of his goal to go pro

But he’s never really… reciprocated that

It takes him a long while to work up the courage to apologize

He wishes he didn’t do it while in the middle of a workout, but the moment felt right otherwise

It helped that it was just you and him, because you’re so damn popular with the rest of the town that he can rarely get a moment alone with you

And just like he figured you would, you accept his apology without any fanfare, and then turn right around and encourage him again

He’s got hearts in his eyes, trust

His crush builds over the course of months, and the moment it’s solidified is when you catch him on the beach, reminiscing about his mother

You don’t judge him for his tears, and even though you laugh when he asks you to keep it under lock and key, the sound is bright in his ears like wind chimes

And you still kept his secret

Alex is gone on you from that moment, 100%

You’re kind, and attractive, and you treat him so well it almost makes him feel insecure

When he’s working at the ice cream stand during the summer, there are plenty of times where he’s almost scooped out of the wrong tray because he was busy thinking about you

He’s never felt this way about anyone

All of his crushes have been super shallow in the past, but this is different

They were all physical, but he fantasizes about living on the farm with you, and wonders what kind of partner you’d be on the regular

Sticks his face in the freezer when his thoughts veer into less innocent territory (he thought about how you might like to kiss him)

Haley makes fun of him about it lmfao

Y’all don’t figure your shit out until year two, probably during the dance of the moonlight jellies

You ask him to watch them with you, and with the glow of the ocean illuminating your face, you hand him the bouquet

He accepts it (duh) and tries to play it cool, but he’s cheesing for the rest of the night

Elliott

Sees you fishing on the beach after an early morning spent in the mines

He walks out of his cabin to stretch his legs after a long night sitting at his writing desk

He’s only been in Pelican Town for a year himself, but he notices a new face right off the bat

You’ve got your legs hanging off the edge of the pier, fishing rod in hand, and two buckets next to you (one for bait, the other for your catches)

Elliott knows you’re the new farmer immediately

Though he’s not entirely sure why a farmer would need a sword, or a shoulder guard

He’s not intending to introduce himself to you, but when you look up and lock eyes with him, there’s a sudden tug in his chest

He believes in soulmates, I’ll just say that

Then you wave at him and smile, and he walks up without thinking about it

You take your fishing rod out of the water and set it aside, getting up to introduce yourself, and Elliott is fond of you already

Anyone who prioritizes the person they’re speaking to is going to be very attractive to him

And because Elliott’s a little sensitive, he tends to take it the wrong way when the person he’s speaking to doesn’t give him their full attention

One of my personal hcs is that he came from a rich family that never paid any real attention to him or valued his input

So when you give that to him without a second thought, he knows he’ll get along with you just fine

He’s curious about you in the beginning, but that’s as far as allows himself to take it

He thinks of you as a friend, or at least he tries to

Maybe it was the way the sunlight streaming through his windows caught your eyes as you inspected his struggling rose, or maybe it was the soft smiles you gave him when he would find crabs in his shirt pocket, but he’s constantly catching himself thinking about you

He plays it cool for the most part

But then you gift him a bottle of squid ink, mentioning how you noticed his stock getting low during your last visit, and the gears in his head make a funny noise

During the long process of writing his book, there were many times he was cemented in place by his writer’s block

But when his brisk walks through town and his piano breaks weren’t enough to spark inspiration, even a short conversation with you was enough for his fingers to twitch

You make him enjoy his art again, and he doesn’t care if someone notices the similarities between you and the protagonist of his book

Finally embraces it and dedicates his book to you

He knows he’s probably being so obvious about his feelings, but your face flushes brightly when he tells you during his reading at the library

If I’m honest, I don’t think he’s actually capable of having crushes on people

He feels everything so deeply that he might just fall straight into the ‘smitten’ category, but he swears that something about you is different

When you hand him the bouquet, he doesn’t blame fate, or any cosmic forces

None of them hold a candle to your power over him, anyway

Shane

We know how this guy is

Or rather, we know how he acts

He’s not at all curious, and he would rather you leave him alone entirely, but it’s not because he hates you or anything

He just doesn’t know you

But most everyone in town looks at him with pity, and he can’t stand another person looking at him like that

He’d rather you just not like him at all, so at least your expression will be different

Except you’re a persistent little shit

Every request he sticks on the board outside Pierre’s will be completed within the first few hours of the day, and he knows every time that it’ll be you, with whatever he’s asked for in your hands and an eager smile on your face

You always make time to talk to him, you smile at him on your way to whatever it is you get up to in your free time, and he’s pretty sure you’ve spent a small fortune on pizza and beer for him at the saloon

You laugh at his jokes, you listen to him rant about Morris and shitty customers without a shred of complaint—you make him feel like he’s actually worth listening to

The first time he’s properly mean to you is when he’s on his way to work

He’s finally accepted that you want something to do with him, and you’re tentative friends now, so it isn’t on purpose, but it’s still his fault

It’s cold outside, he hasn’t had a drink in two days, and he can’t drink before work if he wants to keep his job, so his withdrawals are bad

The wounded look on your face when he snaps at you swims behind his eyelids for his whole shift

He’s fighting tears back for the rest of the day, and his self-talk is the worst it’s been in a long time

He’s convinced he’s driven you away for good, and while part of him is almost glad that he’s managed to do it, the other, much louder part of him, is breaking apart because he’s really and truly fucked up with you

He’s at the saloon that night, already two beers in, when you waltz in

He makes eye contact with you out of habit, and your smile falters, just a bit

He feels like shit immediately, and looks down into his pint

For the first time he realizes that having you hate him feels infinitely worse than how it would if you pitied him

But with that knowledge, he reserves himself to his fuck-up

Even though he knows he should apologize, because that’s the right thing to do, he figures it’d be better for you if he just kept to himself and left you be

Until you plop down on the stool next to him at the bar, with a drink of your own

“Hey, grumpy. Do you feel like tolerating some company now?”

Stares at you in surprise for what feels like a minute before he stares into his pint again, squinting and trying to find anything wrong with it

You chuckle at him and guide him into setting down his beer

“No one spiked your drink, knucklehead, it’s me”

Was convinced that you’d want nothing to do with him, but then you order a pizza for the two of you, and he’s struck clean through by how… normal you��re being about him

Apologizes while you’re waiting for your food, and asks pretty bluntly why you’d still want to talk to him after that morning

“I figured you were just in one of your moods,” you shrug, taking a long drink from your glass, “Besides, I’ve had my moments, too. It’d be pretty hypocritical of me to get on your ass about it. But I forgive you, so quit beating yourself up about it, yeah?”

Probably doesn’t believe you’re capable of any “moments” because you’re always busting your ass to be the kindest you can possibly be

He used to think it was weird, and probably took you as the manipulative type when you first arrived, because you gave gifts and started conversations undeterred, desperate to win affection

But looking at you right then, he finally figures it out—that that’s just you

Maybe you do want everyone to like you, but your interactions with everyone have never been shallow

His chest gets tight, and he sets down his pint. He doesn’t intend on finishing it, because his vision is blurring around the edges, and he really wants to remember your conversation

Usually you’d ask him about how his shift went—if Morris was an annoying prick again, but he beats you to it while you’re in the middle of a sip

“Tell me about your day?”

The surprise coloring your features makes him feel guilty, but he shoves that aside in favor of listening to you talk

He didn’t know you went into the mines as frequently as you did, and he has no idea what the hell a “skull cavern” is, but he hangs on every word

You both walk home together, dropping him off at Marnie’s as you go, and he flops into bed with his head swimming and a dopey smile on his face

He wakes up the next day with a hangover, but he’s off work, and he’s still got the image of your smile tattooed on his brain

“Fuck.”

Y’all he’s so dumb

Harvey

You have this man stressed out from day one, and it takes him longer than the others to realize his feelings—or develop them (longer than Shane, too. Wild isn’t it?)

He’s a little impressed with your complete lack of anxiety about most things

He’s been the valley doctor for years now, but he still doesn’t have a very personal relationship with most of the townies

But you moved in three months ago and you’re already on your way to being besties with half of the town

The only thing he’s not sure about is your apparent lack of self-preservation instincts

You’ve passed out in every part of the valley at least once, and he’s treated several broken bones and serious injuries of yours by the time summer rolls around

he’s worried about you—as the valley doctor, he practically holds everyone’s lives in his hands, and there are patients that he’s lost in the past and can’t forget about

So making sure everyone is taking care of themselves is already nerve-wracking enough without throwing someone like you in the mix

You, who can’t go one week without some incident happening

He’s started up a tentative friendship with Marlon up at the guild, if only for the many times he’s carried you down to the clinic with varying level of injuries littering your skin

But you’re aware of the stress you bring him, and over time, you start improving

You get better at defending yourself in the mines, and he hasn’t found you passed out in front of someone’s porch in at least two months

That doesn’t sound like a long time, but given your track record, it’s impressive

And you’ve made a habit out of bringing him a coffee twice a week as a silent apology/thank you

He appreciates the caffeine, and your efforts to not stress him out

And during your check-up, he’s surprised to find that you’re actually—all things considered—pretty healthy

You bashfully admit that you’ve been trying to take better care of yourself so he doesn’t have to worry, and even though there’s no way he won’t worry, he appreciates it nonetheless

He properly realizes his feelings when you watch the plane fly overhead together

You’ve got your head poked out his apartment window, trying to catch a glimpse of the plane

He’s watching you carefully, making sure you don’t lean too far out, when it hits him

He’s not sure why, but you’ve got the sun shining on your face as you squint through your fingers to look at the sky, and the smile on your face when you spot the plane is brilliant

His breath leaves him in a silent gasp, and he doesn’t really care that he doesn’t get to take a good look at the plane, because he’d rather look at you

Over-explains his model planes to keep you around longer, but thinks about it for days afterward

Can’t stop thinking about how you looked, listening to him talk with your full attention

He doesn’t have many friends, and no one has ever shown a real and true interest in his hobbies—most people have found him dorky for it, but not you

He can tell the model of a plane based on the shadow of it in the sky and the sound of its motor, and you never fail to point one out and ask him which one it is

The glee on your face when he picks it out easily will never fail to make him smile

For what feels like the first time in his life, he can impress someone

His family is full of successful people: lawyers, musicians, a few unsavory cousins of his have turned to politics, and there’s more than a few pilots as well. Him being a doctor was never impressive to the people around him growing up—it was expected

He didn’t get much praise, forever overshadowed by everyone else in his family

Fake praise grinds his gears, but he knows it’s never anything but the truth when it comes from you

And the fact that it comes from you, who took up the mantle of your grandfather and turned the farm around from its steady decay and deterioration with your bare hands?

His confidence always jumps a level or two when you compliment him, because if you like him and think he’s cool, then he must be, you know?

A few weeks later, when he sees you standing outside the clinic through the window, he’s a little confused

He’s pretty sure you’ve already given him his caffeine for the week, but when he walks out to ask you what’s up, he sees the bouquet in your hands

He’s your doctor, and because he’s your doctor, he knows the blush on your cheeks and the scattered eye contact isn’t indicative of anything but nerves

You’re both practically steaming with how hard you’re blushing, and he gently takes the bouquet out of your hands

He doesn’t mind that he didn’t get to be a pilot. If he had, he doesn’t think he would’ve met you, and with the scent of flowers in his nose and your image etched into his memory, there’s nothing he’d hate more aw you guys are so cute

#sdv #stardew valley #elliott #shane #alex #sammy #sebby #harvey #stardew valley headcanons #anon #asks #this took me so long agh #i will get to the bachelorettes!#don't worry!#(I promise i like them lmfao)#thanks for the request! i really appreciate it #blurbs

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aristobun · 8 days ago

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Had to send it! Sending all the love and hugs your way <3 P.S. I know it seems like a lot but once I buy the seasoning it keeps forever. You can also five spice in an oat milk and sweetened condensed mix and throw in a tea bag and tahdah! Hong Kong tea.

Chinese Chicken

Ingredients:

4 Chicken thighs or breasts ( you can use boneless to save time and prep work )

Any vegetable you have to use up* ( I ended up using cabbage carrot and corn )

Soy sauce

Oyster Sauce

Sesame Oil* ( or any oil of choice really, I just like the flavor )

Fish Sauce ( I use the Thai variety but Vietnamese style is amazing too )

Five Spice* ( Or make your own I’ll stick that below just in case but I used bottled)

Rice Vinegar * ( or white vinegar )

Brown sugar

Salt and Pepper to taste

Garlic powder or fresh minced garlic

Garlic ( I used fresh but dried or powder is just fine too! )

Green onion for garnish

Thai style flat stir fry noodles ( or any stir fry noodle I’ve also used spaghetti ) or rice is lovely

Cornstarch slurry for thickening

*Birds eye chili or chili crisp is completely optional

Step 1:

In a bowl stir together 2 Tbsp. Each of Soy sauce, Oyster sauce, sesame oil, rice vinegar and brown sugar along with a tsp of salt and pepper. Garlic, ginger, five spice, and chili oil are strictly to taste. Pour over your chicken and let marinade for at least an hour or you can also let it sit in the fridge over night. Just remember to flip the bag. Go ahead and make a second batch of marinade and set aside.

Step 2:

In a large skillet warm some oil until shimmering and add in cabbage, carrots and corn or any vegetable of your choosing and sauce for 3 minutes on high heat or until a light color develops. Set aside in a dish and add more oil to your pan. Brown the chicken skin side down until a nice crust forms* ( or bake in the oven at 400 for about thirty minutes or until juices run clear when cut open)

Step 3:

Toss veggies back in with chicken and add a little of the marinade to coat and let simmer stirring occasionally to avoid sticking in skillet. Make a corn starch slurry from 2 TB water to 1 Tbsp of cornstarch and add it on low heat stirring until thickened.

Cook pasta or rice to your liking and be sure to add while the chicken and veg and toss to coat.

Five Spice:

1 tsp each

Anise powder

Ginger powder

Fennel Seed powder

Ground Cinnamon and Ground black pepper.

Thank you so much for sending this!

I hope you don't mind me posting it because I would like to both respond and have it saved somewhere so I can keep going back to it!

I love whenever you have sent me recipes because I love being able to try them and this one sounds so nice.. I'm going to have to buy a few things as I don't think I have everything in the kitchen, but this might be a really good way for me to enjoy chicken seeing as I struggle with it so much.

Thank you again! :D this sounds delicious ❤︎❤︎❤︎

#maggiemaystansfield #recipes #save #omg it's making me hungry #i'm so excited to try this

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danbisroom · 8 months ago

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Ep. 14 - Part Of My Design

Hello my beloved fellow souls,

welcome back to Danbi’s Room, your weekly dose of safe space. Go grab a cup of something warm and get yourself cosy.

I hope you had a nice week and that this fourth month of the year has started off well, giving you the benefits of renewed energy.

We have a New Moon tonight. If you’re lucky enough to live away from the pollution of billions of artificial lights, stars will be all you see in the sky tonight. Stars are beautiful, but they don’t light the road as much as the moon does. In fact, you would scrutinize your surroundings only to come to term with the reality that you’re encircled by pitch black. You’re immersed in darkness.

Darkness.

We’re naturally prone to be terrified by it, because for most of our existence as human beings darkness has meant danger. Natural obstacles, predators, enemies. We’re so terrified we associated it with all of what we categorise as “evil”. That’s understandable.

Darkness is also death, or at least we tend to picture it that way. We can’t really know, can we? Now, being intellectually honest we can’t ignore the fact that death is part of life and that birth is actually a portal between the two. We’re scared of darkness and death because we’re petrified by the unknown. Again, perfectly understandable from an evolutionary standpoint. But darkness and death are new beginnings. Well, yeah, we’re generally afraid of those, too. But everything we cherish has been a new beginning spurted out of darkness. Something dies so that something new can come around, physically or spiritually. And as scary as these awakenings can be, we should try to never refuse them. And we must welcome them in darkness. We need to accept the darkness, so that we can die and be reborn. The darkness of the womb that generates new life, creates new worlds, protecting them until they’re ready to see the light, entering the new dimension through a glorious gate, screaming and covered in blood. We wash it away, but still, blood was the first thing that wrapped our little body after coming out of darkness. Our first piece of clothing. Our first scar testifies the physical separation from our dark, cosy first home. This is so incredibly applicable to everything.

Everything is like this. W e just get too scared of dying and seeing that darkness again. But it’s inevitable, it’s just how things are and if we don’t welcome these cycles when they come knocking, sooner or later they will crush on us, whenever they can’t hold their own weight anymore. That unrestrained chaos. Nevertheless I guess we need that too sometimes. You know, like stars and galaxies, they explode and there you have new ones. You need to crumble. You need to destroy the world to fly to the gods. You need to be planted in darkness like seeds. And then you grow and grow, planting other seeds, becoming so tall you think you think you have an overview of all of the world. One day you collapse, feeding new lives, and you start again. It’s always the same and it’s always new. I find that very comforting.

Suppressing our darkness altogether makes us incomplete and increasingly dull. Number every day that passes by, our souls secretly yearning for fireworks in a silent scream.

We really can’t do this to ourselves.

It’s unfair.

We shouldn’t hate ourselves so much as to chaining our limbs and clipping our wings. We really shouldn’t maltreat our essence like this.

We should really love ourselves a bit more, even the parts we don’t like.

Today’s song recommendation is Dark Necessities by Red Hot Chili Peppers. it’s quite on point: our darkness is a necessity indeed.

I hope you enjoyed this episode and that you have a beautiful week ahead of you!

I’ll see you in the next one, big hug!

With love, yours,

Danbi

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kihaku-gato · 2 years ago

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2022 retrospective

A very loud part of me want to say this year was horrible and that I got to discover a lot of horrible and ugly sides to myself that I would truly care not to have. A grain of truth, the rest I must remind myself is me being a bit unfair and cruel to myself. A rough year, a rough environment, one can only handle it for so long before they snap. A lot of it, not unlike the year itself, could not be entirely helped. Gotta note it and try to do better next time, and it may not succeed next time either.

To be fair to myself I won’t delve further on the self discovery horrors as that is unfair to myself to also far too easy to fall into. This retrospective needs to include positives, and then with it the goals (I’d call some of these goals more like wishes then goals since a lot of external factors affect if I’ll be able to even try or not to achieve them).

Let’s start with the one I could talk about most; art.

I may not be making art at the quantity of my early days, I still did more art this year than I have done in recent years. The drawn-flowers-from-personal-photos challenge I did only lasted as long as the earlier spring flowers (no surprise, once seeding season kicks in, energy to do much else dropped like a rock), and it showed that I still have the ability to draw irl flowers and enjoy it. The fact I did it will only pencil and pencil crayon was both fun and challenging as well. If I could find skintones in my crayon arsenal I’d likely look into doing such media with my OCs (it may even be a sign that I should look into skintone pencil crayons).

I actually did my first Art Fight this year, making an art piece of a different person’s OC every week within the entirety of July. I pushed further in what I could do by trying to make more complex backgrounds. I got to see some of my OCs get some love from other artists too which was a plus. Thanks to art fight too I pushed to finally make reference sheets of some of my OCs. I hope for 2023 I can not only participate in Art Fight again, but also make even better compositions, and make more reference sheets for my other OCs.

One of my other OCs (Shenkin) got an update and upgrade to his design, and is probably my most favourite iteration of his design, making previous versions pale in comparison. Kayla’s armor design is closer than ever to being to what I’d like for her. Since mid to late December Gertrude has been toyed around with both in my head and with my pencil and will likely become another OC to get a big update and upgrade and may lead me to try to draw more space/sci-fi. I hope more of my OCs in general get to grow with what I’m able to do.

My goal for art in 2023 is to at least match to what I did in 2022 in quality and quantity, if not go even further (but if I can’t that’s ok too). It would be nice to try to delve into clay model art. Additionally to not be bound by the social media chains that cause such severe validation deficiency. Be proud of your art Me, even if not appreciated by as many peeps as you’d like, the ones that truly matter at least do.

Health

Was hoping for some issues to heal away before the end of the 2022 but that didn’t happen. That being said, I had done some tweaking in my diet to alleviate some of the bigger issues. I have also helped improve my diet, not by a huge margin but still by an ok margin with having daily berry smoothies. The person I was back in high school would’ve been shook at me doing that. I’m no longer eating summer sausage unprepared; now I’m actually having them in sandwiches which adds a bit more grain into my daily meals. Also found I like mushrooms on my pizza, meaning a little something extra to my usually rigid preferences in pizza. I hope my medical issues finally heal up, but also that my diet/palette can further expand.

Reading

Rereading the chronicles of ancient darkness is proving that I should look into more reading in 2023, even if its just within my own personal collection. I can see a lot more in these stories than I could even remotely comprehend back in the days I first read them. I need to take advantage of those times where my mind is restless in wait (car rides in general).

Just goals and wishes

At least get my G1 driver’s license this 2023 PLEASE. Get my gardening care (houseplant and/or outdoor plant) care back in order, even at the lowest of bars. Complete certain video games so I can move on from them (if you know which ones I mean, you’ll understand). I hope to see myself in a kinder and more patient light in 2023 and that I can look at myself without tearing myself apart. Explore more self-expression whether be artistically or irl it may help.

If future me ends up reading this down the road; I hope this finds you grown further than at the time of this writing and that many of these goals have been achieved. If not? It’s ok, I know that even if you think you haven’t tried, you have. At the very least, being in this rough yet beautiful world is enough, please don’t forget.

#journal #personal #started writing this after the new year but my brain had been milling on this for at least a day

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rainyearning · 2 years ago

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okajibana:

Raphael notes the longing look at his hands, quietly piecing together what might be going on in Kaidan’s head. He will say nothing about it right now, but he will test a few things when he has the chance. At the mention of horror again, he actually whines like a child about watching scary movies.

“Eeeeeh? I don’t want to! I don’t like horror movies.” His face sells the cute pout but that muscular physique of his just makes him look ridiculous as he tries to shrink himself to look smaller for more pity. He’s quite satisfied with the smile he gets in return though, and brightens right after.

“Action it is, then! You should get the blanket anyway. It’s also a necessity unless it’s summertime.” He’s on his feet now and follows Kaidan into the kitchen. “You mean popcorn kernels, right? How can you eat those? They’re extremely hard on the teeth. I hope you haven’t broken any…”

Glancing around, he accepts the pan and sets it over a high fire. Popping would be easy enough. controlling where the kernels fly is another. He can do it, but he isn’t going to make things that easy. Where is the fun in that?

“Butter or sugar is fine, but I think just butter today is best. We’ll be popping the seeds in it. Please drop a few squares into the pan, then toss in the seeds. I’ll show you how to pop them,” he nods. “I don’t make it myself often or on the stovetop, but it’s not too difficult. Oh– but make sure you have something to catch the popcorn with.”

Raphael takes his place before the wide pan, arms folded over his chest as he waits for the butter to melt before Kaidan adds the seeds.

“It’s going to smell wonderful if we’re doing it correctly. Next time I’ll just bring some different flavors for you to try. Don’t make a habit of eating too much of them though because there’s way too much sugar in them. I’ll have to roll you everywhere you need to go,” he laughs.

Raphael could be considered weird, at least, that fitted the situation right now. How he was standing there, tall and muscular, but then, he was making these whiny noises, scrunching his face up in the weirdest and forcefully cute way. It was a harsh contrast. But he let Raphael do it, amused, he liked the way Raphael seemed to be so cheerful and easy going. If one twas kind and polite, there was just immense happiness and kindness radiating from him. Like now. He was no longer mad at the deathbird which also put Kaidan in a better mood. When he was back in the kitchen, getting the ingredients they needed for a decent portion of popcorn, Kaidan found himself slightly surprised that he was actually asked to make the popcorn. “I mean, I am a bird.. I guess I can just eat all kind of seeds without thinking about it.” The butter was melting and he soon was just enjoying the scent. Oh melting butter.. how lovely. Once the butter was melted properly, Kaidan would toss in a hand full of seeds, looking back at Raphael for approval. “Or more? Should I toss in all of them?” He had never made popcorn like this. He had done some in his microwave but never traditionally in a pan. “I generally eat lots of vegetables, salads, seeds, I think some popcorn won’t do harm. I appreciate trying more flavors.” He moved the pan to have the kennels move in the melted butter, lips slightly pursing. “When.. when does the popping start? And won’t they just.. fly out of the pan?” He looked over at Raphael, a brow raised. And after he said that, one popped corn would fly past his head, dropping to the floor. “Like.. like how do we not have that happening? Should I catch each?” Another one popped and Kaidan caught it with his hand, giving Raphael a puzzled look.

#okajibana

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gilded-fern · 2 years ago

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!Yandere Zhongli x Reader x !Yandere Childe Part 2

A/N: Hello! Thank you all for all the love on my last post. It was very heartwarming and I’m glad people enjoy my amateur writing lol. Hope you guys enjoy this one! Its not as long but it gives Childe some much needed love :))!

Word Count: 1,502

Reader uses she/her

MINORS DNI

No NSFW in here but i dont want minors interacting with this due to the dark themes.

CW: Drugging mention, Mention of past injury, imprisonment, mind break, Yandere Themes

Childe was unpredictable. He was the one to shoot an arrow into your leg. He was the one to splinter your calf like a twig. He scared you, the glint in his eyes when the duo finally caught you. Or how he would never listen to you, even when the forced cuddling forced you into an uncomfortable position. Pain would shoot throughout your leg and you would beg Childe to change the position. But he never would, making statements like “Oh don’t be such a whiny baby! You’re fine!” or “You’re just saying that because you don’t want to be around me! That's no way to treat your lover girly”. The Child was unstable, but Zhongli..?

Zhongli was better, he was immovable, nothing seemed to affect him. Zhongli comforted you after your calf was broken. He chastised Childe for shooting an arrow into your leg. Zhongli seemed to protect you. Even when his hold was just a bit too tight, he would always loosen if you asked! Or the tea he gave you was just a little too potent, he probably did it by accident! Zhongli never hurt you on purpose. At least.. That's the way you saw it.

“Something tells me you're the favorite out of the two of us” The ginger spoke as he entered the room. You were soundly asleep in Zhongli’s hold. All of you relaxing in a sitting area of the luxurious home. Soft rays of the sun’s final light were peeking through. Faint sounds of crickets and other critters were carried through the soft breeze.

“What makes you say that, Childe?” The brunette looked over to his companion.

“She’s always so skittish around me… always seeming to be afraid that I’m going to do something to her… But she can fall asleep in your lap” Childe grumbled, something akin to a pout forming in his features. He stared at you, admiring how peaceful you looked. You weren’t tense and rigid but instead you seemed to melt into Zhongli’s arms, your walls came down with just a few gentle touches from the older man’s hands. Childe just didn’t get it. What made Zhongli so much better than him?

“I’m sure she will warm up to you eventually. Give her some more time.. Her leg is still healing”

That damned leg…It was always your excuse to get away from him! And it wasn’t even Childe's idea to break it! The ginger was perfectly content with hunting you down and scaring you with an arrow in the leg. But Zhongli thought you needed to be punished more, that scaring you wasn’t enough. And now, Childe was paying the price.

“Alright Zhongli… I’ll try to be more patient.” Childe grumbled, taking a seat nearby. But at that moment, the small seeds of jealousy that had been planted by your favoritism started to sprout.

You were anxious, It was a typical day with your captors except Zhongli was out and Childe was still here. Normally the pair left together in the morning, usually giving you a kiss which you always tried to weasel your way out of. But only Zhongli did this morning, and it was early enough that your mind was fogged by sleep. You mumbled out a goodbye to the older man not even realizing there was no teasing from Childe. So you were shocked to say the least when you hobbled into the kitchen in search of food to find Childe lounging about.

“Morning sleepyhead! Ya want anything to eat in particular?” The red head greeted walking over to greet you. And you, unsurprisingly, froze and stared at the man with wide eyes. Childe grinned “Don’t act so scared! I got the day off, and decided to spend it with you~” The man gave a soft kiss to your forehead and ruffled your hair. Breaking you out of your anxiety induced trance.

“I- erm… sorry just wasn’t expecting you today…” you stuttered out hobbling over to the kitchen to look for something to snack on. Your appetite was gone, your nerves shooting through the roof as you heard the man shuffling around behind you. A sudden hand on your shoulder erupted a small shriek and had you stumbling to the side. Your injured leg shooting with pain as you tripped and began falling. Closing your eyes you braced for impact only for familiar hands to catch you. Peeking an eye open you were met with a frustrated but sad expression.

“Why are you so afraid of me..?”

“What?” you deadpanned, shocked by the question, why wouldn’t you be afraid. All Childe has done is hurt you and force himself through your boundaries. He wasn’t gentle, he was unpredictable and you need stability. Especially when all you could do was limp around everywhere. Who did he think he was?

“Stop.”

That voice stopped you in your tracks, you just realized you had been saying everything out loud. Your mouth snapped shut as you went to stand up and push Childe away. But his grip wouldn’t budge, causing you to glare at him. “Let me go.”

“No… I’m so frustrated with you. I’m the unstable one? You can hardly stand on two feet or look outside without freezing up. I’ve had enough with this delicate flower act, you want to be afraid of me? I’ll give you a reason to be afraid then.” Childe all but snarled, gripping your hips and lifting you over his shoulder. You slammed your fists against his back, your heart rate spiking and your breaths becoming shallow and short. Just what exactly was he going to do??

The Harbinger’s tall strides brought the pair of you to a room you’ve never been in. “I cannot believe you still refuse to warm up to me! But you would run to Zhongli’s arms in a heartbeat. Even though all of this was his idea!” The door swung open, it was dark, not a single window in sight. You were placed down with a mindfulness of your broken leg onto the floor. Dead blue eyes gazed down at you. “Why do you think you're always so tired after drinking his tea? Why do you think your calf is broken? Zhongli isn’t the great man you think he is. The only difference between the two of us is that he can hide his obsession better than I. All I wanted to do was love you dearie. But you leave me no choice.” Childe turned to exit at the end of his statement, his words only finally registering in your frightened mind as the door began to close. You shoved yourself forwards, not wanting to be left alone in the dark.

“WAIT PLEASE!-” The door slammed shut. And you were left alone in the silence, in the dark, left alone with your own thoughts. You curled up in the closest corner, cradling your form close to yourself.

You have no idea how much time has passed, minutes, hours, days? It was all a blur, the dark room terrifying and you were desperate for any form of human interaction. Your tears had gone dry as you recounted all that had happened every since you met the pair. You closed your eyes, the only difference was the feeling of your eyelids closing shut. You were ready to sleep the time away once more, to hopefully fall into the bliss that sleep granted. But a creek of light woke you up as you scrambled towards the door. “Please let me out! I’m sorry!” you exasperated grabbing onto the ankles of a familiar harbinger.

“Shh..” Childe cooed lifting you up bridal style “Its alright I forgive you…” The man smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, turning your head into his chest as soft sobs wracked your body. You were just so happy to be in the presence of another person, to not be left alone in the dark and the cold. Childe was so warm and you were just so touch starved. You didn’t mind the man sitting down in the chair Zhongli frequented with you, or how his hands gently rubbed up and down your back. Or how your sobs quieted and your eyes were heavy, you were just so tired… tired of being so scared and afraid all the time. It was so much easier to just give in to Childe’s affection, he saved you from the wretched room… With these thoughts running through your mind you did end up drifting off.

To say Zhongli was surprised when he came home was an understatement. His day at the Funeral Parlor had been nothing short of exhausting, and he was excited to see his two favorite people. What he did not expect was the two of you to be asleep. Childe holding you in the same position Zhongli held you the other night. The brunette smiled and walked over giving gentle kisses to yours and Childe’s foreheads as he headed off to prepare for bed.

“Glad to see the two of them are getting along now”

#yandere genshin impact #genshin impact #yandere tartaglia/you #yandere zhongli/you #yandere zhongli #yandere childe #yandere tartaglia x reader #yandere zhongli x reader #yandere childe x reader #genshin x reader #yandere genshin x reader

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artiepooh · 3 years ago

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hihi this isn't a request but I'm just,, thinking about pre-harbinger! scara with long hair,, he's an absolute gentleman who treats you with love and care, the perfect housespouse who will defend you,,,, and even when you both are taken in by fatui and you choose to support him from the sidelines as his secretary but not actually be big part of the fatui's schemes he still treats you with as much love as he did back in the day and is one of the only adults (since he's canonically kind towards children and elderly) he is gentle towards.. probably shows you off like "this is my spouse!! if you dare hurt them I will electrocute you!" anyway yes soft protective scara aaaaaaa

listen. i know this wasn’t a request but i HAD to write it out it’s such a good idea so. here it is i hope you enjoy !!! there will be two posts this one focuses on the backstory and is more about scaramouche’s personality but the other post will be drabbles about his relationship with reader

warnings: gn!reader, his actions could be taken as yandere like behaviour so i’ll include that but that wasn’t my intention. so. spoilers about his backstory, mentions of violence, scaramouche kind of treats the reader like his god so beware if that’s something that can make you uncomfortable

the puppet that fell in love.

the first human emotion he had felt was grief, caused by his creator abandoning him. he was left to wander the world- no purpose, no meaning to his existence. there was no one to teach him how to resemble a human, his off-chance encounters with travellers and adventurers lasting barely a day or two before they too left him.

he learned hatred by himself, aimed at his creator and soon, even to those that stayed by his side. he could not forgive her for abandoning him. so what if she had good intentions? what the hell was freedom good for if he was a puppet without strings? every person he approached, fear of being abandoned again poisoned his entire being until his blade would find his companion’s throat, so that he may at least have a say in how they left him.

the first thing he did with a set goal in mind was infiltrate inazuma again. he whispered carefully constructed lies to people, planted seeds of hate and betrayal, so he could see the downfall of the nation that threw him aside. even if the results weren’t satisfying, the downfall of the raiden gokaden eased enough of his hatred that he could leave without looking back.

his encounter with you was by chance, or perhaps a fated one. perhaps the heavens had decided to deal him good cards this time, an apology for his creation. you were patient and kind- the blood dirtying his hands of the companions he killed weren’t important. your touch was gentle as you cradled his face and wiped his tears, the only remnant of his true nature that had long been worn down by his hatred. you stayed by his side and your hand remained in his, even when his fear of abandonment made him try to push you away.

you didn’t let him. perhaps you heard him wishing to be chased after in his attempts to make you leave, to be wanted just once. your persistence wore down his walls and the third human emotion he learned was love.

and by the heavens, did he love you. his entire being burned with adoration for you, with dedication, with effort, with respect. he revered you more than the god that breathed life into him, more than anything and anyone else. you made him wish to live. he greeted every morning and each breath of air with gratitude, gratitude for your presence that you blessed him with.

your love helped him accept his appearance that he once hated, for resembling the god that created him. his hair that he kept short so he wouldn’t resemble her any further was left to grow and he did not regret it for a single second when you would run your fingers through it in the evenings, a hum on your lips. his heart, that seemed to truly beat for a purpose after meeting you, would clench in his chest as he was overwhelmed by your beauty in such simple moments.

he loved you so much that he was entirely consumed by it, and even then he felt as if it wasn’t enough. you deserved more than he could ever offer you, yet you did not abandon him even as more time passed. you remained by his side, cleaned off the blood on his face after a battle and kissed his hands soiled with slaughter. you accepted his gentleness and the contrasting bloodlust, and he loved you even more for it. this was all that he had ever wished for and more.

the things he’d do for you knew no bounds. although you never asked him for anything outlandish, even if you asked him for the heads of everyone in teyvat he would bring it to you. he would bring down celestia and tear down nations, just for the twitch of a smile on your lips. it scared him sometimes, how far he was willing to go for you- though when his eyes found your face all fears melted away. you deserved it all and more. you deserved the whole universe, and he would give it to you if you so wished.

such dedication easily reflected onto your daily life. he treated you like royalty, you needed not lift a single finger so long as you stayed by his side. he would do it all with a smile on his face, even the busy work and the strenuous tasks and he would not utter a single word of complaint. why would he? you were by his side.

and you remained, even when he decided to join the ranks of the fatui. he was reluctant at first- although the organisation had piqued his interest, he didn’t wish to subject you to the cruelty that came with being part of them and the thought of putting a god before you was simply laughable. whether it was the tsaritsa or his creator, you would remain his priority no matter what happened. you were the anchor that kept him alive, his purpose, the reason for such intense love that threatened to consume him.

even when he joined and rose through the ranks with ease, he refused to let you fully join the organisation’s schemes. such cruelty did not befit your beauty. he wished for your hands to remain unsoiled, of greed and of blood. he gladly took on your part of bloodshed and you let him.

it was easy, to be part of the fatui. he knew hatred best, and it didn’t take much for him to uncover the wrath he had buried deep inside. he was a storm that took the battlefield, with no mercy to whatever dared stand in his path. such a storm became but a gentle wild that caressed your cheeks when it come to you, and his subordinates perhaps feared you more because of this change. if you were able to tame this man, no, beast!.. who knew what this lunatic would do if they pissed you off?

idiots existed everywhere though, even amongst the fatui. rumours of you using your body to seduce him were whispered from ear to ear and it all came to an end when he strode in, with the head of the first person to whisper such bullshit in his hand. he did not need to say anything further. he wasn’t a man of threats, but of promises, and this was enough to make all that valued their life shut up.

#artie.writes #artie.after.dark #saccharine.sweet #dreary.dreams #gn.reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader

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dbnightingale24 · 3 years ago

Text

Beautiful Stranger

Follow up to ‘Pick Me’

Okay, you all wanted a part 2, so now you have a part 2. I didn’t mean to write this so fast, nor did I mean for it to be another fucking novel, but here we are. I kinda fell in love with this story and I hope that shows in this part. I also hope you all enjoy it, and I’m so sorry that it’s so long...and that I’m like this.

Word Count: 21,888 (like I said, ANOTHER FUCKING NOVEL)

Warnings: 18+, MINORS DNI (I WILL SNITCH ON YOU!), smut, infidelity, lying, smoking, drinking, arguing, angst, crying, heartbreak, unprotected sex, daddy kink, both Andy and reader being whores, Neal being a dick,....yeah, it's a bit much...I’m sorry

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:

Finally// beautiful stranger - Halsey

Summary: You told yourself that the choice you made was the best possible choice. So why does doing the right thing hurt so much?

I do not give consent for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere.

“Fuck!” Neal exclaims, his seed spilling into you. He pumps a few more times as the little engine that could fully ran out of steam; before kissing your forehead, pulling out, and collapsing beside you.

His eyes are closed as he wraps an arm around your waist. You roll your eyes at the routine. This is regular for you two and somehow you’ve let yourself become used to it. As long as Neal is satisfied- and he always is- he’ll fall asleep soon and you’ll be free to get yourself off.

“Was that good for you, baby?” he asks, opening his eyes and looking over you lovingly.

“Amazing,” you lie with the most genuine smile you can muster. It’s never good for you, and the few times you do get off it’s because you’re thinking of Andy.

Andy.

The thought of Andy and how much you miss him have you feeling sad and guilty. Sad because you don’t understand how everything went so wrong so fast, and guilty because you’re only with Neal for revenge. He’s done his best to be better, by Neal’s standards, but it’s useless because he still isn’t Andy.

“I love you,” Neal smiles, kissing your lips, before pulling you close and resting his head in the crook of your neck. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Goodnight,” you respond softly, unable to muster the strength to lie and respond with ‘I love you, too’.

Neal is sound asleep in a matter of seconds. You quickly sneak out of bed, getting dressed in pajama pants and one of Andy’s old college sweatshirts, before sneaking out into your living room. You usually go into the bathroom and get yourself off, but you’re in no mood tonight. There’s no point.

You grab a bottle of wine out of the kitchen, not even bothering to grab a wine glass, before sitting on the sofa and turning on the TV. You open the bottle and start drinking while mindlessly searching for something to watch. You’re happy to settle for anything as background noise until you come across ‘Airplane!’.

One of Andy’s favorite movies.

You can’t stop the tears as they start flowing. Part of you doesn’t want to. It’s been 10 months since you both proclaimed your love for one another.

It’s also been 10 months since everything fell apart.

“I didn’t say that I’m picking him over you, Andy,” you sighed, frustrated and tired as Andy angrily gets dressed. “I said I need to think about it.”

“What is there to think about?! We are in love-”

“You’re acting like we didn’t go through hell to get here!” you interrupt, fed up with his temper tantrum. “Look at how you’re acting! You want me to just-”

“Ya know what? I don’t give a fuck what you do. Choose him, see if I give a shit-”

“Andy, stop it! I’m not even asking you to leave! I just want to talk to Neal! He’s standing outside my door and it’s the least-”

“I’ll leave so you can fuck him after you tell him you love him or whatever, I don’t want to get in the way,” Andy spits, anger and venom laced in every word, before leaving your room. Shirtless.

You don’t even have time to start crying before Neal is storming into your room, furious.

“Jesus, you work quick!” he shouted, face bloodshot and brimming anger.

“Neal-”

“I fucked up, okay? I get that and I’m sorry. But did you have to go running back to him so easily?!”

“Neal I didn’t-”

“You really are just another one of his whores, aren’t you?” he questions, eyes welling with tears.

“Get out!” you screamed, your own tears coming to your eyes.

“Gladly,” Neal snapped at you, before storming out and slamming the door to your apartment shut.

With tears in your eyes, you called Andy but he sent you straight to voicemail. You sent him a few texts, but there was no response. You calmed yourself down the best you could and told yourself you’d talk to him at work the next day. When you went to sleep that night, you kept telling yourself that everything would be fine. It was all going to be okay.

But Andy and his jealousy never know when to quit.

You went to his office the next day during your lunch break to try and work things out, and you wished you hadn’t.

You heard them right before you knocked on the door.

“Fuck Andy!” Michelle, his assistant moaned, “just like that! Missed you being buried deep inside me like this!”

“I can tell by the way this pussy is squeezing me! Shit!” Andy grunts, and you can tell he’s close.

You feel your heart shattering into a million pieces as you quickly make your way to the bathroom. You spent the rest of your lunch break crying your heart out in a bathroom stall. You forced yourself to pull it together, refusing to leave work over Andy breaking your heart. You wouldn’t let him win that easily.

You couldn’t.

When you got to your Aunt’s office, she quickly took notice the change in your demeanor and appearance. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you lied, taking a seat at your little desk, “it’s just been a long few days and I’m tired.”

“Something wrong between you and Neal?”

“Yeah, we broke up last night.”

“Honey, I’m so sorry-”

“I’d really rather not talk about it,” you smile weakly. “I’m really okay, I’m just looking forward to this weekend.”

“Okay dear,” your Aunt smiles softly.

“Hey Lynne,” Andy calls cheerfully as he makes his way into your aunt’s office. “Y/N, I heard you were looking for me,” he states simply. You can hear the smug tone in his voice.

It takes all you have not to punch him in the face right there. “I figured it out,” you muttered, your eyes glued to your laptop screen.

“You sure? I was busy earlier but I have-”

“I said I figured it out,” you practically growl at him, finally looking up to meet his boastful gaze.

One look at your red eyes gets rid of all traces of his smugness, and it’s instantly replaced by pain and regret. “Oh...well okay. If you need me-”

“I don’t,” you snap, anger on full display.

Your Aunt looked from you to Andy, but said nothing.

“I guess I’ll see you around,” he mumbles softly as he looks down at his feet before making his way out.

Your Aunt waited a few minutes before speaking. “Neither one of them is worth it. You can do better and you will.”

You just looked at her with a soft, sad smile before resuming your work.

You practically ran out of work at the end of the day, avoiding both Andy and Neal, and speeding home. You don’t want to talk to anyone, you just wanna go to the one place where you feel safest.

The problem?

Andy’s scent still lingers on your sheets.

Before you even change clothes, you quickly strip the bed and replace the sheets, before throwing the old blanket and sheets into your laundry. After that you decide the shower you took that morning wasn’t good enough, so you take another; you want to scrub all traces of Andy off you. The harder you scrub, the harder you cry.

How could he do this to you? How could he do it to the both of you? All you asked for was time and he threw a nuclear temper tantrum.

When you get out, you’re quick to put on sweats and a hoodie, getting comfortable. Then you make your way into your kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine while cursing yourself for not picking up something stronger on the way home. You grab the cleanest looking wine glass before turning on your record player and settling down on the sofa.

Amy Winehouse’s ‘Tears Dry On Their Own’ starts playing and you can’t help but laugh as your own tears start falling.

The song is halfway through when there’s a knock on your door, and you know it’s him. You stay where you’re sitting, focusing on the song and praying that he’ll just go away. He knocks again and you blink away more tears.

“Y/N, I know you’re home. Please,” Andy begged pitifully with a heavy sigh.

You slowly get up and make your way to the door. You took a deep breath before opening the door. Your heart almost breaks at the sight of the broken man in front of you.

Almost.

“Y/N, please-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, “I don’t want to see you,” you sobbed as angry and hurt tears streamed down your face.

“You have every right to hate me. I hate me. I regretted it as soon as I did it-”

“Bullshit! You seemed pretty fucking proud of yourself when you came sauntering into Lynne’s office!”

“Please, can we just talk-”

“I wanted to talk! I called and text you, just for you to ignore me!”

“You chose Neal-”

*slap* “I chose you, you dumb piece of shit!” you interrupted again. “He wouldn’t even give me a chance to speak and he called me a whore...I just wanted you, Andy,” you sniffed out, trying your best to hold it together. “Neal deserved an explanation and all I asked was for you to give me a moment. Instead of just calming down and waiting, you fucked your assistant. You wanted to make sure you hurt me and you did.”

“We can get past this,” Andy pleads desperately, his own eyes starting to give him away as they start filling up with tears. “I know I fucked up, I know and I’m so fucking sorry. I just got scared because I put everything on the line-”

“You put everything on the line?!” you yelled, throwing your wine glass down at his feet, causing him to jump back a little. “Lynne knows. Neal knows. But you risked everything?! Jacob is going to college soon! You don’t even love Laurie in the slightest! What did you fucking risk?! Happiness?! A healthy relationship?! What?!” you screamed, your cheeks burning with anger.

“Y/N, if you just let me in-”

“Get away from me, Andy,” you warn softly, trying to keep your temper at bay.

“Y/N-”

“GET OUT OF HERE!” you roared, pushing him a little. “I don’t want you here, I don’t pick you, and I don’t want you! Go away and stay away!” you scream.

Andy looks like a wounded puppy but starts walking away nonetheless. As he leaves, you notice your nosey neighbor poking her head out. “The fuck are you looking at?!” you screamed at her, and she jumped before quickly retreating back into her apartment.

You spent that weekend drunk and alone. You ignored the calls and texts from your mother, your aunt, Andy, and Neal. You had food and alcohol delivered to your house, and you only got out of bed when you needed to. You had no desire for human interaction and you definitely had no desire to speak to Neal or Andy. Even when you were showing your art, the one thing you’d been dreaming of since forever, you couldn’t wait for it to be done.

You just wanted to disappear.

When you got to work that Monday, Andy was waiting for you outside of Lynne’s office.

“Please talk to me,” he pleaded as soon as you unlocked the office door.

“Go away before someone sees,” you muttered, pushing your way in.

“Y/N-”

“I swear to God, Andy. Leave me alone or I will hit you again, and this time it’ll be with my fucking car,” you glared at him.

“How can I fix this? Please!”

“You can’t!” you whispered harshly. People were starting to stare. You had no desire to deal with that on top of everything else.

“I’ll do whatever-”

“Y/N?” Neal interrupted softly, eyes soft and full of regret.

“Get out of here,” Andy glared.

“Isn’t that what the fuck you should do? The whole office heard you last Friday, I’m pretty sure Y/N has nothing to say to you, right?” Neal questioned, turning his attention to you.

“Right,” you agreed, your frustration hitting its boiling point.

Andy’s fists were clenched and he was doing his best to keep his composure. “We’ll talk more about this later,” he all but mumbles before storming off.

“Thank you,” you told Neal softly as you made your way into Lynne’s office.

“I uhh...I know I have no right to ask, but do you think-”

“Neal please-”

“I had no right to react the way I did on Friday,” Neal softly started off. “I was an asshole and I’m the one who ultimately pushed you back into his arms. I called you a whore that night...twice. I’m not proud of it. I’m not proud of myself. I completely understand if you don’t want to, but do you think we can talk over dinner tonight?” he asked, hopeful.

You’re not proud that your only reason for saying yes was to hurt Andy. Doesn’t that make you just as terrible as him? In your book it does. Andy watched you two leave together and the look on his face matched the look of a child who’d just seen his puppy get run over. You spent that night drunk and under Neal, who kissed a thousand apologies all over your body that night.

To drown out the overwhelming guilt, you closed your eyes and imagined it was Andy. The next morning Neal insisted that you two go into work together. You said no at first, but Neal was persistent. Andy watched you two walk into the building together, hand in hand, and the look he gave you let you know that there was no greater pain for him than that.

AB: Seriously? I fuck up one time and you go running back to Neal.

Y/N: Delete my number and leave me alone.

AB: Please don’t do this. I’m so fucking sorry and I’ll never do it again.

Y/N: It’s funny because all you did on Friday was apologize and say you’d never hurt me again. Then, yesterday, you go and hurt me.

AB: Baby...please.

Y/N: Delete my number and leave me alone.

You hated being so harsh with Andy, but you needed to quit him for good. He turned your life upside down and crushed your heart into dust. You wished you’d followed your gut instinct and just stayed the hell away from him. To make matters worse, you could barely focus on anything, because like you told him before: hurting him hurt you.

You wanted to tell yourself that you were strong enough to be without him and move on. If that were the case, you wouldn’t have ended up back with Neal so easily. You wanted so badly not to love Andy, but you’d never stop. Yes, he hurt you time after time, but you belonged to him. Heart, soul, mind, and body.

But how can you be with someone if you don’t trust them?

Andy stopped sleeping with different women, sent you flowers at work and at home (not caring how angry it made Neal), and text you daily begging for a second chance. It hurt like hell, but you refused to give in. You weren’t going to make yourself available for him to hurt you anymore.

Two months go by of you forcing yourself to be satisfied with your decision before you’re slapped in the face with even more heartbreak.

That’s when she started working at your job.

“You hired a new lawyer?” you asked your aunt, coming back from the break room with coffee for both you and her.

“Yeah, her name is Samantha and she’s pretty damn good. Plus, she’s incredibly kind. I think you’ll like her,” she smiles at you.

It was in that moment that you were sure you’d hate her. When she comes into Lynne’s office later, your assumption is correct.

She’s gorgeous and you know Andy is going to be all over her in an instant.

When she popped into Lynne’s office to go over a few things and to introduce herself to you, you barely spoke two words to her or looked her direction.

“Could you have been anymore rude?” your aunt snapped at you as soon as Samantha left.

“Yes,” you replied plainly, not even bothering to your attention towards her. “I’d keep an eye on her if I were you. Andy’s gonna be all over her.”

“So that’s what that was about.”

“That was about nothing. I just didn’t feel like making small talk. I already have a headache. Pointless conversation seems pretty stupid right now.”

“Sure. As for Andy, it seems as if his office romp days are over.”

“I’m telling you, he’s going to hit on her and he’s going to get her, because he’s Andy.”

“We’ll see,” your aunt mumbles before resuming her paperwork.

Andy had her laughing and engaged in conversation by the end of the day.

“Barber works quick,” Neal laughed as he drove you home.

“I’d really rather not talk about Andy Barber,” you mumbled looking out the window.

“Why are you so upset about it?” Neal questioned, and he doesn’t attempt to hide the irritation in his voice.

“I’m not upset about anything,” you snapped at him, “I just want to steer clear of Andy Barber. I’m doing much better since staying away from him and there’s just no reason for me to concern myself with him or what he’s doing.”

Neal’s sigh is heavy and you could tell that he felt bad. “I’m sorry, baby. I just get nervous....” he trailed off.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I snapped, it’s just been an extremely long day and I’m tired,” you sighed as he pulled up to your complex.

“Do you want me to stay tonight?”

“No, I think I just need some me time,” you smiled softly, before kissing his cheek. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll pick you up in the morning and we can go in together,” he smiled hopefully.

“Sure,” you responded flatly. “Get home safe, Neal,” you mumbled before getting out of the car.

You spent the first part of that night drinking wine and painting. The second part was spent crying and looking through old texts from Andy. Yeah, it hurt like hell, but it was all you had.

As the days went on, Neal was extremely clingy and you knew it was because he wasn’t feeling all that secure in the relationship. Andy and Samantha grew closer. You knew you had no right to hate her, but she was with Andy.

Your Andy.

It felt as if she was getting the relationship that you were supposed to have with him, getting to be in his arms, holding hands in public, and not having to worry about his wife or the office finding out about their relationship. She was free to be with him and love him without fear.

You couldn’t stop yourself from hating her.

“You were smart to stay away from him,” Michelle sighs one day, standing next to you in the break room.

“Huh?” you jumped a little, not even aware that you had been staring at the two of them.

“Andy. He’s such an asshole, but he’s all consuming and it’s hard not to fall for him. Now, I’m stuck working for him and acting like it doesn’t hurt at all,” she sighed heavily.

“Michelle-”

“It’s fine, I don’t even know why I’m going on about it,” she chuckled softly as she wiped away a few tears. “I always knew he wasn’t going to pick me, but still...it would’ve been nice,” she smiled sorrowfully at you. “I’ve gotta get back,” she said with a small wave.

Your gaze resumes out of the little window in the break room, but this time Andy is looking at you. You quickly look away and make escape the break room, just wanting the entire building to collapse on you.

“Y/N!” Samantha called after you, quickly making her way over.

You resist the urge to walk away from her, and turn around and greet her with a faux smile. “What’s up?”

“Um, Andy’s having a small get together at his new place to celebrate his divorce finalizing, and I thought it’d be great if you and Neal came,” she offered hopefully. “He’s invited everyone and by the way he talks about you, I think he’d be really happy if you came.”

‘Why the fuck is he talking about me?’ you thought before opening your mouth to respond. “Thanks for the invite, but I don’t think we-”

“We don’t even know when it is,” Neal interrupted, snaking an arm around your waist.

“It’s this Saturday at 7,” she beamed at him.

“We’d love to go!”

“Great! I’ll let Andy know,” she practically squealed, before going back in the direction of her office.

When you turned to look at Neal, you were glaring daggers at him and it had him on his heels.

“What?” he questioned, following you to Lynne’s office.

“Why did you say yes? What is the point?”

“Samantha is nice! You’d really like her if you gave her a chance!”

“It’s not that I don’t like her,” you partially lied, “I don’t want to be around Andy. I want nothing to do with him, but you’re so desperate to flaunt our relationship in front of him-”

“That’s not true!” Neal quickly defended.

“Sure it isn’t,” you scoffed.

“Fine, we won’t go-”

“No, you told her we’re going so we’ll go. Cause she’s so nice,” you quipped, sarcastic smile on your face before you enter Lynne’s office and slam the door shut in his face.

Lynne does nothing but shake her head and resume whatever it was she was working on.

That night you begged her to overload you with work so you had a reason to tell Neal you didn’t need him to take you home.

“You could just break up with him,” she sighed as she put her coat on.

“I could and I should,” you sighed, marking up papers with red ink.

“But you won’t,” she smiled sadly, “you really are your mother’s daughter.”

“A real moron.”

“You’re the smartest person in this building,” Lynne laughed softly before kissing your head, “you just have to be nicer to yourself. Get home safe, it’s gonna be a downpour.”

“I’ll resist the urge to drown myself,” you muttered.

“Y/N.”

“Just kidding. Sort of. I love you.”

“I love you, goodnight.”

You’d been mindlessly working for hours, not even realizing how late it was. You’re all too happy to keep your mind occupied.

“You need to get home,” a deep soft voice told you from Lynne’s doorway.

“As you can see, I’m working,” you responded, not taking your eyes off the screen in front of you.

“Y/N, it’s late and I can tell-”

“Andy, I’m not yours to worry about, so don’t,” you snapped, finally looking up to see him. “Shouldn’t you be home anyway? I’m sure Samantha is waiting up for you so you two can party plan,” you scoffed.

“I had work to finish up,” he sighed, irritated that you brought her up.

“Well, I guess you better get going.”

“Not until you pack up for the night.”

“Andy, please leave me alone,” you sighed in irritation.

He said nothing, but you groaned in frustration when he put his brief case and jacket down before walking over to Lynne’s desk and taking a seat.

“Andy...what are you doing?” you asked, rubbing your temples.

“You’re staying so I will too,” he simply shrugged.

“You have things to do at home, I don’t. Just go home, I’m fine.”

“No.”

“Andy-”

“I’m not leaving you here alone, this late, while there’s a storm going on outside. I’ll leave when you leave,” he finished sternly.

Your heartstrings tug a little at his concern over you. “Andy, please, I’m really okay to get home on my own.”

“While I believe you, I don’t feel right leaving you here.”

You looked him over and you could tell that he was exhausted. You didn’t want him torturing himself on your account.

You sighed in defeat and closed your laptop, before packing up your papers. “I’ll order a car service-”

“I can take you home.”

“Andy-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll explain to Neal that I bullied you into coming home and into letting me drive you home in this weather.”

“I don’t live with Neal,” you mumbled, turning off the lamp on your desk.

“Oh,” Andy responded softly.

“I can take a car service, Andy.”

“Y/N, I am tired and in no mood to go back and forth. You can either come to my car willingly, or I can carry you to it and buckle you in, and you know I can. The choice is yours,” he sighed, and you can tell his patience is wearing thin.

You also remember the last time he carried you to his car and strapped you in. You’d really rather not have that happen again. “Fine Andy,” you sighed in concession.

The walk to his car is silent and tense. You know there’s so much he wants to say, but he won’t. He won’t do any more to upset you than he already has.

“Are you still at your...” he asked softly, as he started his car.

“Yeah,” you responded just as soft.

You’re both painfully aware of what happened the last time he was there, and an even heavier feeling settles over the both of you.

The quiet car ride that you used to love was now filled with regret, sorrow, pain, tension, and desperation.

“About Saturday,” Andy started as he pulled up to your apartment complex, “I told Samantha not to invite you. You don’t have to-”

“No, it’s fine. Neal wants to go so we’ll be there,” you state softly, turning to open the car door to leave.

Andy gently reaches for your wrist and holds it for a minute. You look over at him and his eyes are pleading for you not to leave; not to leave him, again. “I’m sorry,” he said so softly it was barely audible as he let go of your wrist.

“It’s fine.”

You quickly made your way out of his car and up the steps to your complex, getting soaked in the process. As you ride the elevator up to your floor, your mind is reeling. It’s funny how a simple touch can make you feel so many things. Want so many things. You hadn’t felt his touch since that night and, almost instantly, you’re reminded of how much you miss it. How much you love it.

You paced around your apartment that night, glass of wine in hand as the TV droned on in the background. You question if you should text Andy to make sure he got home okay. You told yourself that it would only be right since he went out of his way to bring you home, but you knew it was because you cared. Your love for him hadn’t died down at all. You cared so much, but you won’t dare admit it to yourself. Even if you were alone in your apartment.

You quickly sent the text before deciding it was time for you to get to bed. While brushing your teeth, you hear a soft *ding* and you know it’s him. You fight the urge to immediately check your phone and continue your nightly routine.

‘Don’t let yourself get sucked back in,’ you mentally warn yourself.

You finish your routine (quicker than usual) before settling into bed and finally checking your phone.

AB: I’m home safe, babe.

You want to snap on him for calling you ‘babe’, but the feeling that comes over you is too calming. You wait for the followup text where he apologizes, but it never came.

You fell asleep that night with a small smile on your face.

In the days leading up to Andy’s party, you found yourself catching him in your line of vision. Sometimes staring at you, sometimes just happening to have a conversation in the direction you were looking, but more often than not, you kept seeing him. He also came into Lynne’s office over things that could’ve been sent in a text or email. His eyes would sneak towards you ever so often and he’d look you over, lingering longer than they should.

You knew what he was doing. That touch meant just as much to him as it did to you, and now he was trying to do whatever he could to get a taste of that feeling again.

In that moment, you knew that you two were bound to fall into your old ways if you didn’t revert back to your tougher demeanor.

The problem is you don’t want to.

You wanted Andy. You needed him.

If all you two would ever have was stolen glances and brisk touches, you’d take it. You’d take whatever you could from Andy without getting burned again.

Then his party came.

It was tame enough, but it was easy to tell that Andy was the party guy back in his college days.

“I’m so happy you two came!” Samantha beamed, a little buzzed as you and Neal walked through the front door.

“Thanks for having us!” Neal smiled before making his way through, you following right behind.

You took a look around Andy’s house and laughed to yourself. It was smaller but still had the air of someone who was trying to disprove their loneliness. He was trying to pretend he was okay and was moving on, but you saw right through it.

As you scanned the room, something stopped you dead in your tracks.

“Is it weird to see your art here?” Samantha giggled softly, noticing where your gaze landed. “He took me to an art studio and showed me a few of your pieces that were hanging there. He really loved this one, so I decided to surprise him with one as a housewarming present. Your work is amazing!” she beamed, clasping her hands together.

“And all I got him was this stupid lamp,” Neal laughed nervously, holding up the overpriced lamp you told him not to buy.

You rolled your eyes and looked back at your painting as the two of them engaged in conversation. You couldn’t help but find it a little funny and strange that the painting he loved most was the one he inspired. Of course, he didn’t have a clue and you’d never tell him.

Beautiful Stranger.

You painted it after you and Andy fucked for what you thought would be the first and only time. Yes, he’d been an amazing fuck, but it was also the first time you’d let the ‘Beautiful Stranger’ explore you. You let him touch you, kiss you, hold you, explore you...you let him in. The things he said that night wouldn’t leave your thoughts. One night you stayed up and painted your version of your emotions that fateful eve..

Your version of your Beautiful Stranger.

“I’m happy you two could make it,” a deep voice spoke, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You turned your attention to Andy and mustered the best small smile you could. “Thanks for having us.” The tension was thick and you just wanted the floor to swallow you whole. You waited for someone to speak but everyone just stood there awkwardly. “The place looks great,” you muttered.

“You really think so?”

“Of course she does, you have her artwork hanging up,” Neal joked and Samantha chuckled. You didn’t miss the glare he shot Andy.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that at all,” Andy smiled, wrapping his arm around Samantha’s shoulder and pulling her close, before placing a small kiss on her forehead.

You could’ve thrown up right there.

“Any drinks? And where should we put our coats?” you asked, slipping out of yours.

“Drinks are over there in the kitchen, and I can take your coats,” Samantha offered, holding out her hand.

You passed her your coat with a small smile before quickly making your way to the kitchen. You said your ‘hellos’ to everyone from work (and gave your aunt a hug), before reaching the marble counter top that held what you were searching for. You grabbed a red solo cup and a bottle of Merlot, ready to pour it, before you felt his hand gently touch yours.

In that moment, all you wanted was to hug him and never let go.

“Have a wine glass instead. I remember how much you hate drinking it from plastic cups,” Andy chuckled.

“Anyone with a working palate should hate how it tastes,” you muttered.

“And you swear you’re not snotty.”

“I’m not!” you quip.

“Then why are you this happy to take the wine glass from me?”

“Oh, fuck off,” you tease softly, small smile on your lips, as you take the glass.

You poured yourself a small glass before going off on your own little adventure of the house. You weren’t really paying attention. You just wanted to get away from everything.

You needed to get away from them.

You’d also had enough of Neal showing you off. The only reason he wanted to come to Andy’s party was to rub it in his face that he’s doing good too. He’d recently gotten a raise, just purchased a house, and he had you. He needed Andy to envy him and he knew the only thing Andy would truly be jealous of was you.

That’s your fault though and you know it. You sighed as you made your way to the backyard, sitting on the top step. You chuckled to yourself at the sight of Jacob’s skateboard next to the bottom step, remembering Andy telling you while laying on the floor in his office one night about how Jacob started skating to impress Sarah. She couldn’t have cared less.

“He’s actually getting pretty good at it,” Andy laughed softly, causing you to jump, as he took a drag from his cigarette.

“When did you start smoking?”

“During the divorce.”

“Andy, you know how shitty that is. You shouldn’t be smoking.”

“I only do it when I’m stressed and out of view.”

“Your job is built around stress, you weren’t smoking before.”

“I started when everything was happening with Jacob. Stopped after he was found innocent. Started again when I caught Laurie cheating on me with one of the few friends I had. Stopped for a bit when I started sleeping around, then I stopped again when I had you. Then started again when I lost you, and now this is where we are,” he shrugged with a heavy sigh before taking another drag from his cigarette.

“Oh,” was all you said.

“You don’t really like the house, do you?”

“It’s not for me to like, Andy.”

“Your approval on something would be nice, cause I’m clearly not getting it on my relationship.”

“Well, it was stupid of you to think I ever would.”

“I never did but it’s supposed to be what we’re doing, right? Moving on?”

“Can we not do this tonight?”

“Are we ever going to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you sighed, taking a big swig of the wine in your glass.

“There’s everything to talk about!”

“They’re both in there, Andy. This isn’t the place or time-”

“You never returned my calls or texts-”

“And you couldn’t give me a few minutes,” you huffed, finally meeting his longing gaze with tears in your eyes.

“Y/N, you have no idea how much I regret what I did. I know this is my fault-”

“Don’t. Please just don’t,” you sighed, before finishing off what was left of your wine. “You have someone and so do I. Let’s just move on.”

“I can’t,” Andy admitted softly.

“You don’t have a choice,” you all but whispered before getting up and turning around. “I need more wine.”

“Y/N,” Andy called softly, grabbing your wrist.

“Just let me go, Andy. I’m not strong enough to do this again and neither are you.”

“I can do better,” he sobbed softly.

“It’s just too late. Let me go,” you replied, pulling your wrist away and wiping your eyes. “Just let me go.”

As the night went on you drank until you felt numb enough to deal with the show you were putting on. Pretending you loved Neal, pretending you were happy, smiling like your heart wasn’t broken, and pretending that you didn’t want to punch Samantha in the face.

“How did you come up with the name for the painting?” she asked coming up beside you, breaking you out of your thoughts as you both looked at your painting.

“Hmm?”

“The name, ‘Beautiful Stranger’, it’s so beautiful.”

“Oh, it’s actually from a song I really love,it’s by Halsey,” you smiled.

It had become one of favorite songs because it made you think of Andy. All of the good times and all of the bad.

“You know, you’re a bit intimidating,” she hummed lazily.

“Hmm? What do you mean?” you questioned, a small chuckle escaping you.

“Everyone loves you so much and I feel like you hate me.”

“Everyone? What do you mean?”

“Your aunt, obviously, Neal goes on about how you’re such a great girlfriend, Andy talks about your artwork and how much of a great help you can be during a case. Duffy talks about the time you watched her daughter for her and helped her get over a nightmare she was having, Michelle actually talks to you...everyone seems to love you and I...”

“I don’t hate you, Samantha,” you lie the best you can with a gentle smile. “I just...its been a rough couple of months and I just need to get my shit together.”

“Are you sure? Cause if I’ve done something-”

“You’ve done nothing, honestly. It’s just me,” you smiled softly.

When it was finally time to leave, you did sleepover at Neal’s. You fucked him until you were spent, trying to get rid of all the sadness and guilt you always felt. As usual, it didn’t work.

As the days went on, you did your best to ignore Andy and at least greet Samantha. You told yourself every day that it wasn’t her fault how things played out, but that didn’t stop the jealousy that jolted through you every time you saw them together. You knew he wasn’t yours to be upset about, but at the same time- he was.

That’s why he gave you the same look when he saw you and Neal together. You were faking it just as much as he was.

“How are things between you and Neal?” your aunt asked one Friday evening.

“I don’t know, fine I guess. Kinda the same as always. Why?”

“Andy has something he wants to ask you, but he’s nervous.”

“Lynne-”

“He needs your help on a case again,” she interrupted, tired already herself.

“I know a win for him is a win for you, but I just-”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need it,” she asked, hopeful smile on her face, but her eyes full of doubt.

“I’m not working with him longer than I need to,” you stated firmly.

“That’s completely fair and he doesn’t expect anything more. Just until the trial is done,” she promised.

“Fine,” you muttered before closing your laptop, gathering your things, “you owe me.”

“I know. I promise to make it up to you,” she beamed as you made your way out of her office.

You slowly trudge across the office, trying to find anything to delay working closely again with Andy. Nothing you did worked, as usual, so you were knocking on his office door sooner than you liked.

“Come in,” he sighed. You could tell he was already at his wits end.

You looked at Michelle, who gave you a sympathetic nod, before going in. “Andy-”

“Close the door behind you,” he demanded, not even looking away from his computer screen.

“Excuse me?” you questioned, your tone letting him know that your patience was also very thin.

“Y/N, please just close the door. The less distraction, the better,” he sighed again.

You gave his office a look over before closing the door behind you. “What’s going on, Andy?”

“I just need you here.”

“Wh...what?”

“I need to focus. I focus best when you’re here,” he stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Andy, my aunt actually needs me-”

“I’m so close to finding the missing piece. I can’t figure out what I’m overlooking.”

“What about Samantha?”

“She’s working on a case and tends to think out loud. Even when she isn’t working on a case, she doesn’t calm me like...”

“Like what?” you asked, hands on your hips.

“It doesn’t matter,” he muttered before clearing his throat, “I’m not going to try anything, Y/N. I’m desperate and just want to be done with this case. If you could just sit here and help me figure this out, I’d be extremely grateful. I’ll go back to leaving you alone after all is said and done,” he pleaded, finally meeting your curious gaze.

“Fine,” you agreed quietly, standing in the center of his office.

“You can sit on the sofa, Y/N,” Andy mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“No thanks,” you scowled, looking at it as one too many memories start flooding your mind.

“There’s been no one except you on that sofa since our last time.”

“Michelle?”

“That was on my desk and I fucked her from behind, in case you need clarification,” he mumbled as his cheeks went slightly red. It didn’t take a genius to tell that he was still ashamed.

You grabbed a file of papers off his desk and quietly took a seat on the sofa, before starting to look through all of the information he’d already gone over. Before you realized, the room started feeling more comfortable.

The day went by quicker than either of you imagined, and at the end of it, Neal made sure to let you know just how unhappy he was with you helping Andy.

“Is there literally no one else?” Neal huffed quietly, standing with you outside of Andy’s office.

“Would you like to go in there and ask him?”

“Y/N-”

“Lynne asked me, Neal. If she’s asking me, that means it’s important. She knows everything and she wouldn’t put me in this position if she didn’t need it,” you snapped, patience wearing thin.

“Fine. You’ll call me when you get home?”

“So we can argue about this again? No thanks.”

“I don’t want to argue, Y/N.”

“I don’t want to argue either, so I won’t call,” you stated flatly.

Neal sighed in defeat and kissed you on your forehead. “I love you and I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you too,” you mumbled before going back into Andy’s office, harshly closing the door behind you.

“I didn’t mean to cause trouble, I’m sorry,” Andy spoke softly.

“Sure you are,” you muttered, plopping back down on the sofa and going over your notes.

“Y/N, I really don’t mean to mess up your life anymore-”

“Can we just not talk about it? What’s the point?”

“Because we never talked about it!” Andy yelled, slamming his hand down on his desk. “I’ve been trying to apologize for months and you won’t hear me!”

“Because it still hurts!” you snapped, “All of this still hurts! I don’t want to talk about any of this, because there’s no point! We can never be together and we just need to accept that!”

“I just got scared, Y/N,” Andy pleaded desperately, “you saw what happened the last time I loved someone. My fear and ego got in the way and I reacted by hurting you before you got a chance to hurt me.”

“I didn’t even ask you to leave, Andy,” you sniffled out, “I wanted you to stay. I wanted you.”

“Baby, please don’t cry,” Andy sighed, getting up from his desk. He made his way near you, kneeling down in front of you.

“Don’t call me that,” you whispered harshly, wiping your eyes.

“Why not? Why pretend that I don’t think about you every second of every day? That hearing you tell me that you love me wasn’t the best day of my life? That those moments we spent in your apartment that night weren’t the happiest moments I’d had in years? Why pretend when it’s just us?” he questioned, his own eyes filling with tears.

“Andy, please don’t.”

“I love you so much. So fucking much. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve ever stopped or that I don’t regret fucking this up, because this is my fault. I need you so much.”

“I won’t play Michelle to your Samantha. I’m not going to sit and wait for you to pick me over her, even though I truly know you never will. I’m not strong enough for this anymore. I’m barely hanging on now!”

“I’ll call her right now and tell her it’s over! You are all I want-”

“I don’t trust you! You told me you chose me! You told me you loved me! You told me you’d never leave me! You told me...” you trailed off, crying even harder.

“Sweetheart-”

“I gave you my heart and you made sure to break it, just to show that you could. I broke my moral code for you and went against everything I knew was right, and you know what? That’s my fault,” you sobbed out. “I knew just how much I truly loved and cared about you, and pretended that everything was fine. I pretended I could handle it because I told myself that part of you was better than none of you. That was stupid of me. My heartbreak is my own fault,” you sniffled. “I won’t be stupid again, Andy. I’m not doing this with you.”

“If you could just give me another chance,” Andy sobbed, wrapping his arms around your waist and laying his head on your lap. “I swear I’ll do better by you. I’ll be the man you need me to be.”

“We’ve got to stop,” you said sternly through your tears, doing your best to resist the temptation of giving in.

“Baby please,” Andy pathetically begged.

You knew that if you didn’t stand your ground in that moment, you’d start the whole toxic cycle all over again. “No Andy, not this time. If you can’t accept that then I can’t help you.”

Andy took a moment to get himself together before letting go of you and standing up. “Okay,” he cleared his throat and wiped away his eyes. “I won’t bring it up again, I promise,” he smiled meagerly before going back to his desk.

You two worked in total silence for the next two hours, his office heavy with heartbreak and pain. Longing and despair. Love and desperation. When you finally got to your car, you cried for the entire drive back to your apartment complex, ignoring the calls and texts from Neal. The minute you got inside the apartment you got into bed and pulled out your vibrator from the nightstand. You’d been fighting hard to not do it but you’ve finally had enough.

You knew that getting off to the memories of Andy leaving you spent was almost just as bad as actually sleeping with him. After you’d had him so close, your defense was all but gone. When you came that night, you came hard and let his name fall softly off your lips. As you cleaned yourself up that night and got ready for bed, you lied and told yourself that was the end of it. You wouldn’t be tempted or desperate for Andy anymore.

However, after two weeks of silently helping Andy and imagining yourself beneath him instead of Neal, you slowly came to terms with the fact that it was a lie.

“The trial is set for tomorrow. I know you’re attending the press conference with Lynne tomorrow evening, but if you’re not too tired, do you think you’d be able to help me go over notes and questions for the next day?”

“Yeah, I’ll try to get as much information about the trial as I can,” you sighed as your phone went off. You rolled your eyes and put it on the table next to the sofa.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“It’s just shit with Neal and his ego,” you admitted, too tired to hold everything in.

“He’s still mad at me for keeping you late?” Andy asked, pulling out his bourbon and two glasses.

“He’s mad at me because I won’t tell you no. I can only be around you when he can supervise and and flaunt me,” you muttered, grabbing the glass of bourbon Andy handed you before he took a seat next to you on the sofa.

“Why do you keep helping me?”

“Because you went through my aunt instead of asking me directly. You wouldn’t talk to her about me if you didn’t really need my help. If you went through all of that, because I know she gave you an earful, then there’s something you’re really stuck on. I’m not gonna say no to you when you really need me,” you shrugged. You laughed softly when you saw him try fighting the small smile coming to his face. “What does Samantha say about it?”

“Well, she doesn’t know about us, so she doesn’t mind. She thinks you and Neal are in love and that you’re just doing a favor for your aunt,” he shrugged.

“Well, she isn’t wrong.”

“You love Neal?”

“You love Samantha?”

“I like Samantha. She’s good company and likes some of the same things I like. I don’t tell her I love her because that’s fucked.”

“It’s also fucked that you took her to look at my art.”

“I told her where I was going and she wanted to come. I only went to see your art because I knew you didn’t want me to come that weekend,” Andy sighed before taking a sip of his drink. “I had no idea she would buy one of your pieces though.”

“The one that’s about you,” you muttered, sipping more of the bourbon, its warmth making you feel more at ease.

“It is?”

“Mhm, I did it after the first time we....anyway, I decided on it because I thought you’d be there. So after everything happened, I couldn’t withdraw it because it was too short notice and it was a favorite, so it stayed up. They told me someone bought it and I said good riddance. So imagine my surprise when I saw it hanging up in your house,” you chuckled softly.

“The house you don’t like,” Andy mused.

“It’s not that I don’t like it, it just doesn’t feel like it’s yours. It feels like a false version of yourself. Your home should be the one place where you can let your guard down and be yourself.”

“Yeah?” Andy questioned, pouring you both another glass. “What should my home be like then?”

“Well, there should definitely be a fireplace,” you both share a laugh, “and there should be a record player in the living room, the TV should be smaller, and the kitchen table should be oak instead of that steel one you have.”

“I should’ve asked you to decorate my house because that sounds perfect,” he chuckled.

“See?” you smirked, toeing off your heels, “I know you”

“And I know you.”

“Hmm? And just what do you know, Mr. Barber?”

“I know you don’t love Neal.”

“Andy-”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong.”

“You know I can’t.”

“Then why are you with him?”

“Why are you with Samantha?”

“Because you chose him!”

“Because you fucked Michelle!”

“Y/N-”

“Dammit Andy! We were having a good night-”

“It can be better,” he suggested, his tone dropping seductively and eyes dark with lust and desire, as he gently stroked one of your legs.

“Don’t Andy,” you moaned softly, “we both have people waiting for us. Samantha trusts you.”

“That’s her mistake,” he grumbles, moving closer to you as his hand travels farther up your skirt.

“Andy, stop,” you pathetically moan, your will to fight lessening by the second.

“We both know you don’t mean it.”

“Andy,” you moaned lightly as his fingers softly traced over your lace panties.

“Missed hearing my name sound that way from you,” he husked, his own need to draw this out crumbling by the second. “I’ve missed you, Sweetheart.”

“I’ve missed you too, baby,” you whimper, “but we can’t...Andy we can’t.”

“I won’t tell, will you?” he asked, his gaze leaving your lips and aligning to yours.

It’s hard to do the right thing when the one thing- the one person- you’ve been craving is equally desperate for you. Oh, and right in front of you, and more than willing to give you what you want. Well, one of the things you want.

Your silence is the only confirmation Andy needs.

He crashed his lips into yours as he pushed two fingers into your aching core.Your moans were swallowed by his greedy kisses, as his other hand caressed the side of your face. You melt into him so easily, it finally felt like you were home. His love, his touch, his scent...everything about him that you’d been missing was finally yours again. At least for the moment.

“Andy...please,” you pathetically begged, as he trailed desperate kisses down your neck. “I need to...I need-”

“Tell me what you need, Sweetheart. You need to cum?” his voice raspy, watching you crumble beneath him.

“Please, please let me cum!”

“Fuck, cum right now, baby. I need to be deep inside you,” he groaned, fucking you faster with his fingers, while his thumb teased your clit in the most torturous, circular way.

“Fuck! Andy!” you yelled, cumming so hard you felt the pleasure in the tips of your fingers.

Andy took his time fucking you until you came down from your high. When he removed his fingers, he sucked your essence off, groaning in satisfaction in the most vulgar way.

God, you’d missed him so much.

He was at the other side of the sofa in an instant, unbuckling and pulling down his boxers and pants. You could finally see just how much he needed you as he started stroking himself, and it had you clenching your legs together in want.

“Give me your panties, Sweetheart,” he moaned, eyes locked on you as he started to stroke himself faster. The sight of him so desperate and needy has you biting your lip and closing your legs. “You know how much I hate repeating myself,” he warned with a growl.

You quickly took them off, the excitement becoming too much for you to handle, and handed them to him.

He quickly snatched them before taking a deep whiff and groaning. “Be a good girl and sit on Daddy’s lap,” he demanded in a low growl.

Even with the voices in your head begging you to stop, to not make the same mistakes you had before, you make your way over to him because you can’t deny him. You can’t and you won’t. “I’ve missed you so much,” you moaned breathlessly as you straddled him.

“I know, babygirl,” he rasped as you sunk yourself down onto him. “Fuck, I’ve missed you too.”

“I love you, Andy,” you confessed, too blissed out to tell him anything but the truth. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, baby. It’s always been you,” he grunted, his thrusts coming harder and faster, “it will always only ever be you.”

“Fuck, baby,” you moaned, your climax coming on “just like that...fuck!”

“So good for me, always so good!” Andy moaned into your neck, trying to hold off his own release.

“Am I better than her?” you questioned, your nails digging into his tight shoulders as you started to bounce up and down on his cock.

“Fuck Sweetheart! So much better!” he grunted, his grip on you becoming painfully tight. “Does he make you feel as good as I do?”

“Fuck! Not even close! I can’t....I can’t get off without thinking of you,” you mewled. “Baby, I’m so...I’m so fucking close!”

“You can hold on a little bit longer for me, Sweetheart,” Andy grunted, before licking his thumb and vigorously rubbing your clit.

“Fuck!” you screamed, no longer caring if there was anyone in the building who could hear the both of you. “Baby, you feel so fucking good!”

“Missed having you like this for me. You’re mine and all mine alone, right?”

“Fuck, I’m all yours, Andy! I’m yours alone!” you cried out, your eyes clenched shut, trying to hold off.

“Give it to me, baby. I want you to cum right now,” Andy growled as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Andy!” you screamed as a mind shattering orgasm consumed you.

Your mind went blank as you tried to remember the last time you felt so amazing. You felt as light as a feather and as mindless as a child. As wrong as you knew it all was, and as much as the guilt was trying to consume you, you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad. Yes, you were with Neal and he was with Samantha, but you both knew where you truly belonged; to each other, and in each others arms.

Andy’s own orgasm is what brought you back to reality. His labored breathing and feverish kisses all over your chest are the only things letting you know that this wasn’t a fever dream. It had truly happened and you were so painfully happy.

Painful because you knew none of it could last.

“Let me stay at your place tonight,” Andy breathed as he rested his head against your chest.

“Samantha is waiting for you-”

“We don’t live together, Sweetheart. I can simply call or text her and tell her I’m home and that’s that. Let me stay over,” he repeated, slightly desperate, looking up at you with pleading eyes.

Usually, you would have told him no and that what had just taken place was enough. You would have told him that nothing more could happen and that you both needed to respect your significant others.

Usually.

However, you waited for him to text Samantha goodnight. You called Neal and assured him that he had nothing to worry about before bidding him goodnight. You told Andy to drive his own car and you couldn’t help but smile hard at how close he followed behind you.

Andy was all over you the minute you two got into the elevator; kissing from your lips to your neck as his hands traveled under your skirt. When you finally got him inside of your apartment, you both wasted no time undressing one another.

Andy loved you repeatedly that night, only stopping when he felt you were truly satisfied.

When all was said and done, Andy laid beside you and held you close, whispering a thousand ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I’m sorry’s’ before you both finally succumbed to sleep.

By the time you woke up the next day, he was already gone. If it weren’t for the soreness and the scent of him lingering on your sheets, you would’ve been able to pretend it was all a dream. However, it wasn’t, and you had to deal with the guilt and shame of what you did. You gave in and set yourself up to be hurt, yet again.

You quickly stripped the sheets and speedily put new ones on, before showering then getting ready for work. You took a deep breath and told yourself you’d deal with yourself after work. For the time being, you had a job to do and you needed to be there for your aunt.

The entire drive, you were fighting off guilt, anxiety, and tears, and you told yourself that would be the only time this would happen. When you finally got to your desk, you were met with a bouquet of beautiful bright red roses.

“Someone has an admirer,” your aunt teased, taking in the shocked look on your face.

“I do not,” you laughed nervously. “They’re probably from Neal.”

“They’re actually from me,” Andy smiled as he came into Lynne’s office, causing you to jump a little,“just a small way to say thank you for all your help. I know it hasn’t been easy, but it really means a lot to me,” he said sincerely, eyes full of love.

“That was very kind of you,” Lynne smiled, but her tone told you both that she was keeping an eye on you.

“It’s nothing,” Andy smiled towards her, “I have to head out, but I just wanted to check that you’re still okay with helping me tonight,” he asked, his gaze hopeful, going back to you .

“I completely forgot,” you sighed. You truly had forgotten but, in your defense, a lot had happened since you agreed to help him. “I think so, I just have to let Neal know, I forgot to last night.”

“Well, we were pretty busy last night,” Andy smirked. “I guess I’ll see you both later today. Good luck with the press conference,” he said to Lynne before walking out.

“Did I ask too much of you-”

“It’s fine,” you smiled towards your aunt. “We’re getting along well enough. It’s just this case. When he’s done, everything will go back to the way it was.”

“Y/N, if it’s too much for you-”

“I promise, everything is fine,” you lied with a soft smile.

To make the situation worse, Neal was pissed that once again you’d be spending another night helping Andy.

“I already told you-”

“I know, okay? You’re only doing it to help your aunt, but don’t you see what he’s doing?!”

“He’s not doing anything,” you lied with a heavy sigh.

“He’s trying to win you back!”

“He has Samantha and they’re happy.”

“Yeah okay,” Neal scoffed, taking a sip of his coffee. “I love you, Y/N. I may not always do or say the right things, but I do love you. He’s just going to break your heart all over again.”

“Neal, I’m not going anywhere,” you replied softly, guilt coursing through your veins like electric bolts.

“We haven’t made love in a week, we haven’t had dinner together in almost two weeks, and you’re constantly working through lunch. I feel like Andy is taking up all your time even though you’re my girlfriend.”

“I’ll make it up to you this weekend,” you smiled weakly. “We’ll go away, just the two of us. No work, no Andy, no drama. Just us.”

“Yeah?” he questioned with an optimistic smile.

“Yeah,” you assured him. “I have to go but I’ll text you later,” you smiled before kissing his cheek and going to meet Lynne at her office.

Before all of this, you always thought you weren’t selfish. Sure, you’d hide the last slice of pizza for yourself, or eat fries that belonged to someone else out of the bag so yours would still be full, but it was nothing like this. The longer all this went on, the more you realized just how incredibly selfish you are. Hell, the only reason you ever took Neal back was to hurt Andy.

Andy.

You were acting like this all over a man who broke your heart repeatedly. Who did the very things he told you he’d never do. Neal really did attempt to be the guy you wanted and at the end of the day, none of it is his fault; he just didn’t do it.

It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t Andy.

Your attempt to keep your feelings at bay only got worse as the day went on.

AB: I can’t stop thinking about you. I need to see you. Do you wanna have dinner tonight?

Y/N: No, we have work to do. Besides, we can’t do it again.

AB: We can discuss work over dinner.

Y/N: Stop it, Andy. We’re not doing this again.

AB: You can’t tell me that last night wasn’t perfect.

Y/N: I’m not doing this with you again.

AB: Listen, lets just get away this weekend and we can talk this out.

Y/N: Andy, we can’t just go away for a weekend. You have Samantha and I have Neal.

AB: So what?

Y/N: Why are you being so callous?

AB: Because she’s just a place holder, Y/N. She keeps the bed warm because you won’t.

Y/N: That’s so fucking selfish and fucked up.

AB: Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?

Y/N: It’s different with Neal and I-

AB: Sure it is.

Y/N: Do you need me to remind you why things are the way they are? How everything got so fucked up so fast?

AB: I’ve told you a million times that I’m sorry. I know that only does so much, but you won’t let me prove it to you!

Y/N: Because I don’t trust you! I may not love Neal the way I love you, but at least I know he won’t hurt me. I can trust him.

AB: Are you sure about that?

Y/N: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

AB: He’s not as sweet and innocent as you think. You don’t hear how he talks about when you’re not around. I do. Your golden boy isn’t all that golden.

Y/N: Andy, please stop fucking with my head. What happened last night can’t happen again.

AB: So you’re just gonna quit on us?

Y/N: It’s not like I have any other choice.

AB: Of course you do.

You blinked back tears as you made your way to the car that was driving you and your Aunt back.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her tone laced with worry.

“I’m just having a day,” you chuckled humorlessly. “I don’t know what the hell I’m even doing.”

“Talk to me, tell me what’s going on.”

“What the fuck am I even doing here, Lynne? This job was never supposed to be a permanent thing, but it’s 4 years later and I’m still here. And for what? Neal? Andy?” you scoffed, wiping your eyes.

“Y/N-”

“My artwork is doing good, I have enough money to keep me afloat, and I don’t even want to do this anymore. Why am I here?”

“Do you want me to fire you?”

“No, because then I have to hear about it from my damn mother and that’s the last thing I need.”

“Y/N, are things starting back up between you and Andy?”

“No,” you lied, hating not feeling like you could be upfront with her, “I just...I love him and I want to love Neal. I care for him but not like I should.”

“Then why are you with him?”

“Because he’s safe, he treats me good, and I can trust him. I know he’ll always be there and I can always rely on him.”

“You don’t think that’s a little selfish?”

“I know it is but I’m so afraid to be alone. To be without someone.”

“But why does that matter if you’re not going to be with one you truly want?”

“Because if I can’t have him, at least I’ll have somebody.”

“You know who you sound like, right?”

“That’s only making it worse, because I swore I wouldn’t grow up and turn out like mother. Now look at me. Ugh, why the fuck am I crying?!” you yell as you wiped your eyes.

“Listen, you don’t have to work with Andy-”

“No, I’m going to do it. I told both you and him that I would help, and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m just having a moment that’s truly my own fault,” you smiled weakly, taking a deep breath and trying to pull yourself together.

When you got back to Lynne’s office, you went over all information you could find on the trial, determined to follow through on what you promised.

When you made your way to Andy’s office, the door was closed, but you could hear him and Samantha arguing.

“Does she have to help you every night?”

“It’s not every night, Sam. She’s just really good with all of this and this case is a big deal. She won’t let me down because she doesn’t want to let her aunt down.”

“I’m helpful too ya know. We can all work together.”

“No, we’ve had this talk. You have your way of working on cases and I have mine. Besides, you have your own cases to work on.”

“Andy, promise me nothing is going on between you two.”

“After the first three promises it’s starting feel pointless.”

“Don’t! Put yourself in my shoes! You talk about her all the time, I see the way you look at her, she’s fucking beautiful, and you constantly go to her for council-”

“This is the only time I’ve asked for her help since we’ve been together! What else do you want from me?”

“I don’t know,” Samantha sighed. “I’m sorry, Andy. It just feels like there’s something between you two.”

“Samantha-”

“I know, I know,” she sighed, “are you coming over tonight?”

“No, it’ll probably be late and I need to rest. This weekend we’ll do something, okay?”

“Fine-”

“Hey, I’m sorry for making you feel like you have to worry.”

“I’m sorry for being neurotic,” she chuckled.

When the knob turned, you backed up a little and looked down at your feet.

“Oh, hey!” she smiled at you, but her eyes told you that she was uneasy. “Did you hear that?”

“No, I just got here,” you lied with a soft smile.

“Well, I’ll let you two get to it then. Don’t keep him out too late,” she laughed before making her way out.

Andy only let you close the door before he was all over you.

“Stop,” you moaned breathlessly as he left trail of feverish kisses down your neck. “She loves you, Andy.”

“And I love you. Seems everyone is losing right now,” he mumbled, as he un-tucked your shirt from your skirt, still kissing his way down your torso.

“Andy, you know this is wrong.”

“Then take me back. Forgive me and take me back,” he pleaded breathlessly, getting down his knees.

“You don’t know how bad I want to,” you moaned, feeling his hand travel up your thigh before gripping it and hooking it over his shoulder. “But I can’t.”

“Then I guess I can’t stop,” Andy growled before pulling your panties to the side and starting to tongue fuck you.

“Fuck!” you moaned as softly as he could, feeling so guilty while also feeling as if you were in heaven. “Baby, we can’t...oh fuck! We can’t do this!”

His response? Sucking and licking on your clit before finger fucking you.

“Baby please,” you moaned, your toes curling as your back arched, gripping his hair tighter and pulling him impossibly closer. Andy grunted in approval, fucking you faster with his fingers. “I need to cum! I need it,” you whispered the best you could.

Andy was kind and licked on your clit, before sucking on it with enough vigor to force you to cover your mouth as you came so hard you almost lost your balance all together.

He took his time between your legs, licking up every part of the mess you made, before finally looking up to meet your gaze. “Come over tonight so I can make you dinner,” he offered breathlessly.

“Andy stop, we actually have work to do,” you sighed, still trying to catch your breath.

“We’ll work while I cook.”

“Andy-”

“What’s the harm in a simple dinner?”

You were thoughtful before you spoke “We can’t do this or last night again. We’ve got to stop this.”

“Sure,” Andy smirked, getting up and meeting your gaze.

“I mean it, Andy.”

“I know you do, baby,” he smiled, before he kissed you passionately.

You followed him to his house and took out all the paperwork you two had already gone over, as well as new pieces of information from the trial and your laptop, while he went to change before setting up the kitchen.

The whole thing felt so normal and domestic.

You two went back and forth about his strategy and ways to attack, while Andy breaded chicken, and made marinara sauce. He poured you both a glass of wine as you helped him come up with a better line of questioning.

“Don’t you want to change out of that?” Andy asked, turning away from the stove and looking you over.

“Change into what? This is your place not mine.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” he smiled sarcastically. “Grab some sweats from my room.”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind-”

“Just take the sweats,” he chuckled softly “it’s no big deal.”

Wearing Andy’s clothes made everything feel even more normal. As if it were something you two did every day. So, when dinner (chicken parm and spaghetti) was served and you two continued to work, you didn’t care that he was sitting next to you and stroking your leg. When dinner was done and the dishes were washed, you didn’t object to a movie. When Andy held you close and pressed soft kisses into your hair, you let him. When the cuddling turned into making out, you didn’t stop him. When making out led to clothes being removed and you riding him, you felt no guilt at all. When you both professed your love to each other afterwards, there was no shame.

The night had you believing in the fairytale you two kept creating for yourself.

Until Neal called.

“I have to go,” you sighed, getting dressed as Andy watched you.

“Why?”

“Don’t. You know why I have to go. Fuck! We have to stop this, I mean it.”

“Y/N, I’ve given up on us actually being together, but if we can have stolen moments, isn’t that better than nothing at all?”

“Not when it means hurting people who truly care about us.”

“You could just break up with Neal-”

“Don’t start that again.”

“Y/N-”

“Andy, you’re a serial cheater. You cheated on Laurie, you’re cheating on Samantha...hell, you even cheated on me.”

“We weren’t together,” Andy corrected.

“And whose fault is that?!” you snapped.

“Stop, I’ve told you a million times that I’m sorry. Besides, I cheated on Laurie with you-”

“You cheated on Laurie with almost the entire office.”

“Okay, but when I started seeing you-”

“Fucking me.”

“Seeing you, I stopped sleeping with anyone else. I’m only cheating on Samantha with you.”

“I can’t believe this an actual conversation we’re having,” you huffed, pulling his sweatshirt over your head. “We can’t keep doing this, Andy. We can’t keep doing it to each other.”

“Then just be with me,” Andy pleaded, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“If only it were that simple.”

“Y/N-”

“Don’t. I have to go.”

He sighed in defeat, “at least text me when you get home?”

“Fine.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I know you do,” you smiled softly before breaking yourself out of his hold.

You did your best to hold on to resolve for the rest of the week, telling yourself that, that weekend would be the weekend you finally felt the same for Neal as he did for you.

The problem? That weekend was a nightmare.

Neal kept bringing Andy up, he was difficult about everything from hiking to dinner, and he ruined love making.

“Babe, what’s the problem?” he asked, finger fucking you to get you excited “you’re basically dry.”

“Well, you could help out.”

“I’m trying to.”

“You could eat me out, Neal.”

“You know I don’t like doing that.”

“Well, I don’t always feel like giving you a blowjob, but I still do it with or without you asking.”

“Maybe you’d be more in the mood if you didn’t drink so much.”

“Yeah Neal, that’s exactly how to get me excited. Fucking insult me while you’re naked and on top of me.”

“Sorry we can’t all be stallions like Andy fucking Barber.”

“You know what? Fucking forget it. Get off of me, I’m just gonna make dinner.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry-”

“I don’t wanna hear it, I just wanna make dinner,” you scowled in a low mumble.

It also didn’t help that Andy was sending you dick pics and telling you how much he missed hearing you beg for him.

So, when you returned to work that Monday and Andy asked you to stay after with him to work, you happily agreed.

And when he told you to strip for him, you were also happy to do just that.

So, your old cycle started back up again. You lied and told yourself that you two would stop when the trial ended. You lied to yourself and said that you’d be strong enough to stop it.

But you weren’t.

Months after the trial ended, you were still sneaking around with Andy. Having dinner dates and movie nights, making love whenever you two could find the time, and pretending that everything was fine.

You always told yourself that the ends justified the means, because he was yours first. He loved you first, he fucked you first, and he cared for you first. You became happy living in the world of lies you and Andy had created, because, as Andy said, stolen moments were better than nothing.

Yes, the lie was enough until Samantha asked you to lunch to break one day.

“I’m sorry?” you asked, not sure if you heard her correctly.

“Lunch. I was wondering if you wanted to grab some food together. Andy told me about this place you took him to a while ago, and the food is amazing. I figured we could go together,” she smiled, hopeful.

You looked over to your aunt who just shrugged. “Sure,” you smiled, ignoring the uneasiness that was forming in your stomach

The car ride was pleasant enough, you two made small talk about movies and work, and the radio killed whatever silence you two couldn’t fill. When you got to the restaurant, you both placed your orders then sat in an uncomfortable silence.

“I know you’re wondering why I asked you to lunch,” she started softly “and I have no right to ask, but it’s eating at me and I’m just...I’m trying to figure out if I’m wasting my time.”

“What’s going on?” you asked nervously, shifting in your seat.

“Did you and Andy have a...thing? Were you two together at some point?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry, I know I have no right to ask, but it’s just...” she started as your drinks arrived, the both of you getting beers “I love him, Y/N. I love him and I feel like I’m in competition with you. You two have these inside jokes, he looks at you as if you’re the most important person in his world, and I....I just feel like I’m wasting my time. We’ve been together for a few months now and I haven’t even met Jacob. When we have conversations it feels like he couldn’t care less, whenever we make love it feels like he’s somewhere else, and sometimes it feels like he doesn’t care whether I stay or leave him. I just...is there something I’m missing? Did something happen?”

“No,” you lied softly “we’re just...we’ve been through some things together. We were really close at one point, but...” you trailed off as the food arrived.

“But what?”

“We’re just friends,” you smiled at her, fighting the urge to breakdown and cry. “You have nothing to worry about on my end,” you smiled before digging into your dish.

When you two got back to work, you made your way to the bathroom and cried your eyes out. You truly hated yourself. You were stupid and selfish to think that you could continue to be half in with Neal and half out with Andy. Andy was your whole world, but you couldn’t bring yourself to completely trust him. To believe that what you two had was strong enough to last.

“This is the last time we’re doing this, Andy.” you stated softly, as you two laid naked and cuddled up on the sofa in his office.

“Sure.”

“I mean it, Andy. She took me to lunch today just to ask if there was anything between us. She loves you so much and we’re just...we’re terrible people, Andy. Terrible cowards. This has to stop.”

“Then leave Neal!”

“You leave Samantha!”

“How do I know that you’ll leave Neal-”

“You don’t!” you exclaimed as the tears start to come. “I don’t know if I can ever be with and trust you completely, but I don’t need to be the one who proves it! I did trust you completely, I did choose you, and I did give my heart to you only. What did you do? You fucked Michelle because I asked you to give me a few moments to be a decent human being. I don’t need to make the first move this time, you do!”

“Why can’t you just believe me when I say-”

“Because I did before, Andy. I did before and you shattered my heart into a million pieces,” you cried.

So, you both came to an agreement that night that, that was the end of it. Even though it hurt you both to your cores, you didn’t greet each other, you didn’t text or call one another, you stopped sleeping together, Andy didn’t ask you for your help on anything else, and you both went out of your to avoid each other. When he came to Lynne’s office for anything, you kept your eyes on whatever you were doing and did your best to drown him out.

Looking at him and hearing his voice hurt too much. It physically pained you. Each time reminded you that he didn’t choose you. He couldn’t find the courage to leave Samantha and just wait for you. Wait for you to be comfortable, happy, and trusting enough for you to choose him, again.

The first few months you were able to lie to yourself enough to get through it, but after the third month, you were crying yourself to sleep almost nightly. One night you did crack and broke down crying, and called him.

He was at your place in an instant and just held you. He held you and apologized, pressing soft kisses to your face, whispering “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry I did this to us.”

He stayed with you until you fell asleep and when you you woke up the next day, he was gone. You were almost able to forget, except for the fact that his scent lingered. You called out of work that day and just cried. You cried until you went back to sleep, because there was nothing else you could do.

The only time you truly caved was at the holiday party.

“You look amazing!” Samantha beamed, as she and Andy made their way over. You and Neal both stood off to the side.

Your aunt decided to turn the lunch hall into a party room for the annual holiday party, deciding that having a catered event at work instead of renting a hotel ballroom was best. You didn’t even want to go but Neal talked you into it. You put on your best ‘Everything is great’ face, wearing your wrap around mesh red dress with the plunging ‘v’ neck, and black heels. You told yourself that it would be over before you knew it.

“Thank you! You both look lovely,” you smiled at both her and Andy. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.

“Your aunt really knows how to throw a party,” Samantha laughed, taking a sip of her drink.

“Eh, she knows how to pay people to make it look like she knows how to throw a party,” you chuckled as Neal snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you close and pressing a kiss to the side of your head.

“It’s gonna be a great night,” Andy smiled softly, regret in his eyes, before he looked away.

“I agree,” Neal beamed, pulling you closer, “do you want anything from the bar?”

“I’m okay for now, thanks,” you smiled at him.

Ever since you two spent that horrible weekend together, you made it a point to not drink in front of Neal. It would just be another thing that he could berate you about. Of course, that meant you’d have to deal with seeing Andy with someone who wasn’t you. Sober. You weren’t sure how that was going to go.

For the first half of the night, you dealt with the pain by keeping yourself busy. You spoke to your aunt for a while, then made small talk with Duffy, before finally sitting and talking with Michelle for a while, who seemed to be in a much better place than she was the last time you two spoke.

It made you happy that at least one of you was.

However, as the night went on, the more pain you felt. Neal was drunk and off joking with his buddies, Andy was focused on Samantha and even danced with her, and you? You were by yourself, wishing that you were home and cuddled up with Andy. You found Neal, and all of his friends were looking at you as if they knew a dirty secret, and told him you were gonna go for a walk. When he drunkenly asked if you were okay, you lied and said you just wanted some time to yourself.

You slipped out and made your way up to the top floor where the offices were. You took a deep breath and clenched your eyes shut, fighting back tears, and told yourself that you only had to keep up the act a little bit longer. You were about to unlock Lynne’s office to hide in there, when you felt an arm snake around your waist.

It was funny to you how you knew it was him without even seeing him. His touch was all you needed to tell.

“You look amazing tonight,” he whispered into your hair before kissing it.

“Please, just leave me alone. I’m barely getting through tonight as it is.”

“I just...I wanted to see you. I miss you so much,” he sighed.

“Please,” you begged, feeling the mask you’d been wearing all night starting to crack.

“Just one dance,” he pleaded, his own voice starting to crack. “One dance, just you and me, and then I’ll leave you alone. I just want to pretend for a little bit,” he finished, his tone doing a poor job of masking his own sadness.

You couldn’t find the strength to speak, so you just nodded and let him lead you to his office. He didn’t even bother to turn on the lights, he just led you into his office and closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath as he did.

“Samantha said that your painting was inspired by this song, and it’s beautiful. The fact that this makes you think of me...I listen to it at least three times a day,” he chuckled softly, a lone tear escaping his eye, before he pressed play and put his phone down on his desk.

He pulled you close with one arm, and used his other hand told yours in his, and you took in his scent. “You’ve been smoking,” you stated softly, resting your head on his chest as you two swayed back and forth to the music.

“It’s been a rough couple months,” he responded weakly. “I don’t want to think about that now. I don’t want to think about anything, I just want to be here with you in this moment. I just want to pretend for a little bit that we’re together. Pretend that nothing was ruined and that we still have each other,” he sobbed, holding you a bit a tighter.

“That sounds good to me,” you sniffled.

You both slow danced and cried together, knowing that when the song was over, you’d both have to come back to reality. You held onto Andy as if your life depended on it, because as far as you were concerned, it did. Despite how painful it was, it the most alive you’d felt in a while. Andy was your oxygen and with him back in your arms, it felt like you’d finally been brought back to life.

When the song came to an end, you both stood there, quietly sobbing and holding each other close. Neither of you was strong enough to let the other go yet.

You were the one who made the first move.

You backed away just enough to look up at him, before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you and kissing him deeply. All Andy did was pull you closer and run his hands through your hair. The both of your faces were wet from the tears you quietly cried, the both of you longing for each other in the most pathetic way.

“Andy, I-”

“I know, baby,” he interrupted breathlessly, “lets just be here right now, with each other. Let’s just enjoy right now,” he smiled weakly before kissing you again.

Using one hand he gently pulled on the tie holding your dress together, letting it fall open. Your hands went to work on getting his shirt unbuttoned before unbuckling his belt.

“I want you on the floor,” you said, breathless and desperate, backing away and sliding out of your dress.

“You can have whatever you want, Sweetheart,” he rasped, stepping out of his pants and boxers, before laying down on the floor.

You removed your bra and panties, throwing them both to the side, before straddling him. You both moaned in satisfaction when you sunk yourself down on him. “I love you so much, baby,” you moaned, placing your hands on either side of his shoulders, before starting to ride him slowly. “You’re everything to me.”

“Fuck, I love...I love you, I’m sorry, so fucking sorry,” Andy groaned, keeping his eyes on you, loving the way you looked above him. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he moaned.

“Baby...fuck,” you whined, picking up your pace reluctantly. You wanted to draw this out for as long as possible, because you both knew it would be the last time, but at the same time, you needed the release.

“Just a little bit longer, please,” Andy begged pathetically, his eyes starting to water again. All he could do was watch you be a beautiful mess above him as you continued to ride him, grinding your hips against his.

“I only want you,” you whimpered, your hair falling in front of your face, “just need you.”

“Shit! Y/N...oh fuck, just like that!” he cried as you picked up your pace, chasing the pleasure only he could give you.

“I can’t hold on....fuck!” you screamed as an earth shattering orgasm washed over you.

“Holy fuck!” Andy yelled, spilling his seed into you.

You were thankful for the music below being so loud, because without it, you both would’ve been caught.

You both took a moment to catch your breath, his hands never leaving your hips, and your hands never moving from his shoulders. After a moment, you both gave each other a sad and sympathetic smile, before you slowly got up, stumbling a little as you tried to regain your composure.

As you both got dressed in silence a heaviness filled the room. The heaviness of regret.

The heaviness of goodbye.

“I should leave first,” you spoke softly, once you both were fully dressed.

“I guess so,” Andy agreed softly, looking at his feet.

You looked him over one last time, catching your lipstick on his neck. You licked your thumb and ran it over the mark until it was gone. “I love you, Andy,” you smiled weakly, eyes watering once again.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he responded with the same sad look, before giving you a small kiss on the lips.

And that was it.

You both went back to the party that night like nothing happened. Like you both were okay. When you left with Neal, you ignored the aching in your heart and told yourself it was for the best. Andy had his life and you had yours.

Since that night, you’ve been faking it and living in a loop. Wake up, go to work, eat lunch with Neal. Pretend Andy isn’t there, pretend that you’re okay, go home with Neal, fuck him, wait for him to fall asleep, sometimes stay, sometimes go home. Always cry yourself to sleep, and repeat.

As you sit in Andy’s sweatshirt, crying your eyes out, you hope that he’s happy. You hope that his life with Samantha has become something of dreams. Yes, it hurts to see him with someone else, but it hurts even more to think that he’s miserable.

You sit on the sofa, crying as you drink your red wine, watching ‘Airplane’, hoping that Andy Barber has finally found the peace he’s so desperate for. Maybe, at some point, you’ll find peace of mind and heart as well.

Andy’s P.O.V

I do my best to focus while Samantha goes on about graduation party plans for Jacob. She’s desperate to make a good first impression. I don’t know how many times I’ve told her that Jacob would be much happier doing something at home with Sarah and the family (Laurie included if she behaves), but Samantha still insists on taking everyone out for a fancy dinner. The longer she talks, the more my thoughts drift back to Y/N and the first time she met Jacob by accident.

I took Jacob to the record store that day, right next to the art store you frequented. You came out the same time we did, and you accidentally bumped into Jacob, causing him to almost drop his new records. After apologizing profusely, I realized she’s the one who works directly with Lynne from the office.

She’s my soul mate.

She complimented Jacob on his taste in music, and the conversation just took off on it’s own from there.

After a few minutes of chatting, she apologized for taking up my time and wished us both well. I saw her look over her shoulder as she started walking away, and impulse got the best of me: I asked her if she wanted to join my son and I for lunch. She shot me down immediately, saying she didn’t want to intrude on father/son time, but Jacob (of all people) stepped in and insisted that she join us.

Y/N ended up spending the rest of the day with us. It was the first time I’ve ever seen Jacob get along so well with anyone; it filled my heart with hope again. She wasn’t awkward around him, she didn’t talk down to him, she didn’t treat him like some criminal, and their conversation seemed totally easy and unforced.

The whole thing felt so natural, safe, and refreshing. Just like everything else with you, it felt right.

The more Samantha droned on, the more I missed you. I tried with Sam; I’m always trying with her, its never-ending. Everything we do takes effort, it always has. I think that’s why I keep coming back to you, no matter how much work and no matter how damn hard I try with Samantha. It’s like the opposite of what we had.

The weight of our relationship was too much for me the first time around. I was too immature; the timing was just all wrong. I was all wrong. Then when when Samantha came into the picture, I did my best to make it work with her. Everything about Sam was perfect

She was beautiful, funny, great conversationalist, smart, witty, a great cook, and so many other things that should make her perfect for me.

But she wasn’t you. Samantha was amazing in her own right, but you were the one.

It was as if you and Samantha were perfect songs in so many ways, impeccably arranged; but yours was the right tempo and, more importantly, what I needed to hear. Sam’s song is nice. Yours makes me feel alive.

No matter what I try to do to love Samantha, all of my thoughts come back to you. You live inside my heart and you’ll be there forever.

You have the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, you make anywhere feel like home, you’re insanely talented, you understand my sense of humor, you make me laugh everyday, you’re so loving and welcoming...you’re everything to me.

“Andy, are you even listening to me?” Samantha asks, frustration dripping from her words.

“No, not really,” I sigh, feeling like an asshole for the millionth time today.

“I’m just going to ask, because at this point, I don’t know what else to do,” she huffs, placing her hands on her hips. “Is there someone else?”

Before I can even give it any thought, it just fell from my lips like a bag of bricks.“Yes,” I said flatly, too tired to lie anymore.

“Is it Y/N?”

“Yes, but she doesn’t know it,” I did my best to keep you in the clear.

“For fucks sake, Andy! I-”

“I know and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, because I tried...I want to love you, I want to want you, but...I’m so sorry, Sam,” I said, guilt weighing down my words. “I know she’ll never trust me and that’s my fault, so I tried to force myself to move on, but I can’t. It’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I’m the asshole who just can’t get it right,” I finished, head in my hands.

Samantha takes a minute before she speaks, trying to fight off her tears. “Does she know how you feel? At all?”

“She used to, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t anymore. We came to an understanding and she’s been staying away.”

“This is really fucked up, Andy. So fucked up,” Samantha says and starts sobbing.

“I know and I truly am sorry. I want to want you. I want to love you, because you really are amazing, it’s just-”

“I’m not her,” Samantha finishes bitterly, wiping her eyes. “You had to hurt me to figure that out?”

“Samantha-”

“Fuck you, Barber!” she spits angrily, before stomping her way upstairs to pack the few things she has here. I should be stricken with guilt for ultimately leading on such a gorgeous, amazing woman.

But I don’t, and don’t feel any of that. I refuse to feel guilty of not feeling guilty enough. I can’t feel guilt right now, even if I wanted to, because sweet relief is the only thing flowing through me. I feel a thousand pounds lighter now that I don’t have to carry around the burden of living inside a lie. In a roundabout way, you’ve done it again, Y/N; I feel alive again.

Now I can get back to what I should have been doing this whole time.

Now I can make you all mine again.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

You roll your eyes as your phone goes off, again.

You and Neal got into an argument on your way to work, because he found you passed out with an empty bottle of wine in your hand. Instead of just talking to you, he decided to yell at you for 10 minutes. When you finally had enough, you started yelling at him back.

In short: you two argued the entire drive to work and you two ended up being 15 minutes later for work.

“I’m not doing this anymore,” you huff, throwing your phone into your desk drawer and slamming it shut.

“Not doing what?” your aunt asks, slightly worried.

“I’m done with Neal and I’m breaking up with him after work. It’s doing more harm than good and I’m just fucking tired,” you sigh, resting your head in your hands.

“Oh...well, I’m happy for you,” Lynne smiles “he’s not worth all of the stress you’ve been feeling.”

“You’re right,” you smile slightly.

When you bother to be honest with yourself, you know your stress is your fault, but it’s not Neal made anything any better. You dragged out the relationship as long as you could (a relationship that should’ve never happened), and it’s time to just be done with it.

It’s not like you’ve never been alone before, and as terrified as you are of the thought, you finally realize that it’s better to be alone than to be with someone who will never give you the love and respect that you want.

The love and respect that you deserve.

As the day goes on, you keep catching Andy throwing glances your way, while Samantha is very obviously glaring at you. Whatever issue they’re having is none of your concern, as you try to focus on the right things to say to Neal later.

30 minutes before it’s time for you to clock out, you send him a text asking him to meet you at your place for dinner. No, it’s not ideal but refuse to break up with him over a text or phone call. In person is best, and if you can do it while eating away at your guilt and anxiety, why not?

When the day finally comes to an end, you quickly close every open application on your computer, before grabbing all of your belongings and make your way to the parking garage, butterflies gathering in your stomach as the thought of what’s about to happen becomes more of a reality.

You truly don’t want to hurt him, that’s part of what took you so long to break up with him, but the relationship was becoming more harmful than good. Breaking up with him means learning how to stand on your own two feet again, and it allows him to be free and with someone who truly deserves his time.

“Hey,” came a deep familiar voice. The voice you’ve been daydreaming of and missing for months.

“Whatever it is Andy, today is not the day. I don’t have the strength-”

“I broke up with Samantha,” he says as if it’s the most simple thing in the world. “Last night we had a talk, I told her that you’re the only one for me, she packed her shit, and she left.”

“What do you mean...what? Hold on, what do you mean-”

“I’m all yours, Y/N. No office hookups, no girlfriend, no wife waiting for me at home, and nothing holding me back,” his smile is hopeful but his eyes are cautious as he makes his way over to you. “I know that we said we were done, but I lied. I’m never going to be done with you. As long as I’m alive, you’re the only person I’ll ever truly want,” he finishes softly, wrapping his arms around you.

“Andy...I-”

“It’s just you and me, Y/N. Tell me what you’re thinking, how you feel,” he begs desperately but still hopeful.

“I guess I-”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Neal exclaims, storming over to where the both of you stand entwined, shoving Andy once he reaches the both of you, causing you to stumble. “I fucking knew it! You little fucking slut!”

“Neal, calm down,” you try to warn as Andy lets go of you and stands in front of you.

“Calm down?! You’re down here with-”

“Are you fucking stupid?!” Andy yells, shoving Neal back, “You could have hurt her!”

“Guys, stop it!” you yell from behind Andy, not sure of what else you can do.

“Hurt her? Hurt her?! She fucking hurt me, you jackass!” Neal yells, shoving Andy again, this time with more force.

Before you have time to process what’s going on, Andy’s fist connects with Neal’s jaw. “Has she ever put her hands on you?! Ever physically harmed you?!”

“She broke my heart and that’s enough!” Neal yells, punching Andy in the stomach,

“That’s enough from the both of you! Stop it!” you interject, fear starting to build up within you because you’re not sure how to stop what’s unfolding.

“It wasn’t enough for you to win that trial and make me look like a fool?! You had to steal my girl too?!” Neal huffs, pushing him against a car before landing another blow to his midsection.

“Your girl?” Andy laughs before kneeing him in the groin. “Did you ever really think that she was your girl? That she ever really wanted you?!” he questions, punching Neal in the face before throwing him off onto the concrete pavement. “You were just a place holder, Neal,” Andy spits, disdain dripping from his words.

“Andy, stop!” you yell again, looking around for anyone to break up the scene in front of you. “There’s no need-”

“Fuck off!” Neal yells at you, struggling to get up and balance himself, “It wasn’t enough for me to take you back after the shit-”

“Don’t speak to her like that!” Andy warns harshly, landing an even harder blow across Neal’s face.

“Hey! Break it up!” a security guard yells, lit flashlight in hand as he slow hustles his way to the fight.

There’s a bit of a scuffle, but Neal doesn’t have it in him to put up anymore of a fight. Seeing as Neal is the more injured of the two, the security guard asks him if he wants to take any action against Andy, and you answer ‘no’ before Neal even has a chance to inhale. The look Neal gives you lets you know that he’s not happy with you speaking for him, but he doesn’t disagree.

You help a limping Neal to your car, glaring at Andy during the short walk, before helping Neal inside and slamming the door shut.

How did you manage to attract the two biggest babies on earth?

The minute you pull out of the garage, Neal starts laying into you.

“I fucking knew it! You said nothing was going on and-”

“Nothing happened, Neal,” you growl, gripping the steering wheel tighter and speeding up a little.

“Oh, fuck you, Y/N! It doesn’t take a fucking fool to see you’ve opening your legs wide for Barber whenever he wants. Jack was right in saying that you’re only good for a good fuck. I should’ve fucking known-”

“You talk to me like this and wonder why I don’t love you!” you finally snap, slamming on the breaks when you reach a red light. “You only worry about yourself during sex and wonder why I ask you to bare minimum of extra work so that I can get off!”

“Y/N-”

“Shut the fuck up! I am not done speaking!” you roar, your tires screeching as the light turns green and you rip away. “I’ve been no fucking saint, but it’s not like you’ve given me much of a reason to be one! Flaunting me like I’m some fucking trophy, going out of your way to rub our relationship in Andy’s face, throwing it in my fucking face that he broke my heart, and apparently talking to your shit head friends about our sex life! You want me to love and respect you, but you don’t fucking deserve that shit!” you scream, once again slamming on your breaks as you hit another red light.

“Do you know how it feels to know that your girlfriend was one of Andy’s office sluts?! To know that she was happy to sleep with a married-”

“Neal, I swear to God, you call me a slut one more time and Andy won’t be the only person whose kicked your ass,” you warn, glaring daggers at him.

“Fuck you,” Neal mumbles, leaning his head back and pinching the bridge of his now broken nose, trying to slow the bleeding.

“This wasn’t supposed to go like this at all,” you scoff, pulling off as the light turns green, “but fuck it. What’s done is done. I’ll send you all of your shit and you can just throw out whatever I have at your place-”

“You’re breaking up with me!?”

“What part of this relationship do you think we can save?” you laugh humorlessly, pulling up the hospital. “This is dead, Neal. It’s been dead from the start.”

“Y/N-”

“Just get out and go on. I’m clearly dedicated to someone else and you don’t deserve me.”

“If you just-”

“Get out, Neal,” you state flatly, your irritation getting the best of you.

Neal scowls before getting out of your car and slamming your door shut, and you waste no time pulling off and heading home, finally feeling as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

You turn on the radio, trying to distract yourself long enough for you to get home without breaking down, and you can’t help but laugh when ‘Finally// beautiful stranger’ starts playing, and a few tears fall from your eyes. In that moment, you decide that your yell fest isn’t over, and you decide to make your way to Andy’s so you can curse him out.

When you pull up, you see his car parked in the driveway and waste no time parking yours before shutting off your engine and furiously getting out of your car. You make the quick trip up the steps and are about to knock on the door, but it’s pulled open before you get a chance.

“Took you long enough,” Andy smirks, making his way outside.

“What the hell do you mean it took me long enough?! Andy, what the fuck is your problem?! You can’t-”

“He has no right to talk to you like that, and as long as I’m around, he’s never going to again.”

“Jesus, Andy, you can’t just get into fights because someone is mean to me.”

“Why not?”

“Why..why not?! Andy, you’re a lawyer! You know why not!”

“You still don’t get it do you, Sweetheart?” he questions, his smirk softening into a small smile as he slowly makes his way towards you. “There’s nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do for you, there’s no one I wouldn’t fight for you, and there’s no price I wouldn’t pay for your love.”

“Andy-”

“Break up with Neal,” he begs softly, his eyes softening from the guarded calm look of resolve they held before.

“I already did. Andy-”

“Good, that makes this next part easy,” he says softly, getting down on one knee and pulling out a black velvet box and opening it slowly, “marry me, Y/N.”

“I’m sorry...what?”

“Marry me.”

“Andy...what the fuck? We haven’t even dated!”

“Bullshit, we’ve been illegally dating for almost 2 years,” he scoffs with a soft smile.

“Andy, we can’t just-”

“I was a fool before, Y/N. A fool and a coward. I was afraid you’d hurt me and when you didn’t tell me exactly what I wanted to hear, I hurt you because you had could get the chance to hurt me. There’s not a day that I don’t hate myself and regret what I did, but I promise you, I will never hurt like that again. I will never lie to you, I will never cheat, and I will never betray your trust. I love you. I love you so fucking much and I know for a fact that there’s no one else in this world for me,” he states softly, his eyes welling with tears. As you cup your hands over your mouth, Andy takes the moment as an opportunity to continue to profess his love for you. “If you say no, that’s fine. I completely understand, but I won’t give up. I’ll ask for however long I have to until you say yes. I’ll do whatever it takes to show you that I’m in this for the long haul and that-”

“Shut up,” you interrupt with a sob. “Just....of course I’ll marry you,” you cry.

“Yeah?” Andy smiles, letting his tears fall freely.

All you can do is nod and hold out your hand and Andy quickly slips the ring onto your finger, before wrapping you in a tight hug and spinning you around.

At last, it feels like all the tears, drama, and pain were worth it. It took you and Andy forever to find the future that you thought you two would never have, but you two finally made it. You’re finally home.

‘Beautiful stranger,

Here you are in my arms

But I think it’s finally, finally, finally, finally safe

For me to fall’

taglist: @whxre4cevans, @fuckingbye, @sweetflowerdreams, @maroonsunrise83, @lindalicious,

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4dtk · 3 years ago

Note

hello, i hope you’re doing well! can I request holding hands 13, hugs 34, kiss 7 & 31, and touching 38 with johnny? the plot could revolve them finally deciding that it’s time they’re ready to try for kids since they just moved into a new place! thank you <

got carried away. enjoy LMAO

hand-holding, 13: linking hands together during sex

hugs, 34: hugging while grabbing butt

kisses, 7 & 31: passionate kisses, gentle stroking of cheeks

touching, 38: stroking their leg

warnings/tags: dom!johnny, sub!reader, fem!reader, breeding/impregnation kink, daddy kink, brief cockwarming, cunnilingus/oral (f receiving), fingering, missionary, mating press, vaginal penetration

NSFW UNDER THE CUT, MINORS DNI!!!

"how’d you like the place, mrs. suh?" you can’t help but let out a smile at the honorific, leaning into his side at the stunning place you’d manage to get. taking inspiration from pinterest, the array of options for you was blinding, but soon you settled on a style that you could both agree on along with the carefully crafted furnishings you’ve chosen.

"it’s so sexy," you whisper with a laugh, looking around at the pristine kitchen counters and overhead lighting. you’re saying it half as invitation, and you smile knowingly when johnny turns it around to compliment you.

"ya know what else is sexy?" rolling your eyes, you turn to face him to see a lazy smirk stretch across his face. johnny says nothing more and leans in gently, taking your lips with his in a sensual kiss that shows no matter how cheeky he is with you, the love that’s gotten him wrapped around your finger is undeniably unconditional. in a way, it was literal, too where the silver band wraps around your fourth finger as a reminder of your shared love.

your husband pulls away just for a second, "for how many times i’ve came in you, i was sure i would’ve knocked you up by now." johnny has the pleasure to witness the malfunction of your brain, unable to form any words at the casual sentence he drops about fucking impregnating you. he coos and lets out a giggle when you try to pull away from him in embarrassment.

"you-! you’re really not shy saying those kinds of things?!" playfully you push him away, ignoring the turn in your stomach when he had murmured with a low voice. his apology came in the form of kisses along your forehead right up to your lips where you melt once again into his chilling embrace, fingertips as cold as the arctic while his body emanated warmth. you never understood his body temperature, but you couldn’t care much when his touches leave traces of electricity along your skin.

johnny walks you back, feeling around for the kitchen counter that he accidentally bumps you against. with a muttered apology said in haste, your lover captures your lips with his even more hungrily, using the strength in him to prop you up onto the counter. reluctantly, he pulls away again.

"aren’t you an eager one?" his hand strokes the legs that accommodate him, spread to hold him as close to you while his forehead rests on yours.

"how can i not? you’re so tempting without even knowing it…"

you sigh affectionately, "is it also as tempting as kids running around in our new house?"

johnny jerks back in surprise. "you… you want to try, now?"

with a hesitant smile, you reply, "i mean, why not?" you’re afraid you’ve said the wrong thing when johnny’s surprised look doesn’t let up, but soon you’re met with his contagious laugh, looking at you like you were the only thing to exist in his world. his heart’s never felt so warm before looking at you as it does right now and he has to hold himself back from taking you then and there.

"now who’s the eager one?"

you fail to shove him away, a grin plastered on your face as your cheeks flare up completely now, "bitch, you were the one who made the lewd joke!"

"it was a fact," you roll your eyes for the second time that night, pulling him in anyway to smash your lips with his. you're needy, unable to keep your hands off of him even when your skin is stinging from the cold temperature of the marble counters. johnny groans softly into your mouth, pushing onto your hips more and more to feel any form of friction with you.

he picks you off the counters effortlessly with a tight arm wound around your middle and lazy pecks placed onto your neck.

"do you think we'll get a noise complaint tomorrow?"

pursing your lips and shrugging was your answer, impatient with the countless questions and quips johnny liked to do during your sessions. "okay, okay, i'll shut up." johnny knows you like the back of his hand. it's an obvious feat, certainly, since you decided to say yes to his private proposal on the top of an observatory. under the stars, where they had given their blessing.

johnny knows you like the back of his hand in that way, too. and you forgot how fucking skilful he could be when duty calls.

you find your brows furrowed and your hand clutching onto the sheets for dear life while johnny's tongue relentlessly flicks against your clit. he eats like it's his last meal, both hands holding your thighs open. the warmth of his tongue makes you shiver, already feeling your slick leaking in between your cheeks.

obscene noises bounce off the walls of the new place, sheets already messy from your constant thrashing although everything else — the cupboards, the bedside table, the vanity — looked untouched. at least now you know this innerspring mattress was a good choice.

"you- fuck, johnny!" your moans only fuel your lover more, who settles into a more comfortable position, suctioning your bud into his mouth. your body twitches so much that you can feel the tightening of his grasp on your thighs, stilling you into a thrilling sensation of oversensitivity even before he's got himself buried in you.

"argh- fuck, fuuuck, mhnh-!" johnny swears his eyes roll back at the way you groan out multiple please's, which merges with the whimpers for him to go faster and deeper just as he sticks a finger in. your cunt clasps around the digit easily, mouth now speechless from how deep he reaches into you. "oh my god, j-johnny!"

johnny slips in a second finger, and a second later, a third which you easily welcome with your sopping pussy. he pumps all three into you at an agonisingly slow pace, half focusing on the lewd noises coming from below him and half licking up the arousal that lingers around his lips.

the hooded lids of his eyes stare up at you like prey, lowering his tongue back onto your clit. the combination makes you unravel, little mewls escaping your lips that contribute to the heat of the room.

"johnny- please fuck- please- can you fuck me now? c-can't-"

he shuts you up by sucking harder, causing your thighs to close in around his head. your pleas is not lost to him, but you're more focused now on chasing your high selfishly with how fucking good he's working his tongue despite the slow speed of his fingers.

"impatient." lick. "little." lick. "bitch." lick. he's loving every second where he doesn't give into you. "plus, you're gonna have to do more than that, honey."

"i-i need your cock, please, johnny!"

tut tut. "wrong name, baby." you whimper when his fingers slowly slip out, teasing your gummy walls by rubbing at your hole. you hardly can form any words, but you try your best anyway.

"c-cock, daddy- want your cock so fucking bad-"

"again."

sinking further into the delirious feeling of pleasure, you're willing to let go of any dignity just to have him deep in you, shooting loads and loads of his seed where there's no room for you to not get pregnant. "ah- d-daddy, please- i need your cock to split me open!"

"n-need your cum." the fingers halt, johnny's eyes are filled with you splitting your legs wider and wider. your hole is begging for him, clenching around nothing as it leaks more and more.

he hardly can contain his excitement, pants shimmied down to reveal his tight boxers. it's straining against his already hardened length, and he sighs in relief when he finally pulls the last remaining fabric down showing his tip that's angrily red, aching to be in you just by a few pumps of his hand. "all for you, pretty girl."

the name elicits a bashful smile from you, "need a suck, daddy?"

johnny caresses your sensitive sex gently, "'s okay, just wanna be deep in you. ain't that right, babygirl?"

you can taste him on your lips as he kisses you softly, a hand reaching up to stroke your cheek with a ghost of a touch. his eyes soften just a little before he nudges it into you, playing with your cunt just a little that deliciously clasps around the intrusion. a long groan leaves his lips when he finally gets deep into you, bottoming out in no time. smoothly, he slips an arm around your waist, supporting your arching back that grinds to feel more of him.

"that's right, baby, just like that. moan for me." his thrusts start out slow and you want to cum just from those few movements, his shaft brushing up against your walls so obscenely. your moans are like music to him, lips occasionally lingering at his ears where your repeated calls of daddy, daddy makes his thighs shake and his hips stutter.

you're certain you're drooling by now, trapping the man with your legs. his hips move quicker now, muttering praises that has your pussy fluttering around him and arms curling more around his neck. the line blurs more and more and all that's residing in your head is how good he feels in you paired with the wet pap, pap, pap of his hips meeting your cunt. gradually, the knot deep in your tummy tights like a coil, aching for release.

"god! j-johnny... you're so fucking deeep... hah-" with a tongue lolled out, you can only mumble short sentences, sometimes choked out in a sad attempt to call out to your lover. "ah- i am, a-aren't i? can't wait to- fuck- pump you full of my cum. want you filled to the brim, you'd like that, yeah?"

like a broken record, there's a chorus of yes's that leave you, at the thought of seeing your pussy struggling to take the many loads of johnny's seed as you whine and thrash at the way he'd push it back into you. and that's exactly what he plans to do.

he grunts when you tighten around him, jerking and transitioning into shorter, quicker strokes, desperate for release until he finally bursts. head buried in your neck, hot breaths littering your skin. you're not far behind, toes curling at the immense pleasure you're experiencing that when it comes, you shiver at the way you come undone, relishing in the way johnny spurts the warm liquid into you.

you're left to rest for a minute, his cock still buried in you. he can't get enough of you, he can never get enough of you. that's why he finds himself fucking into you again, the amount of rest not doing much for your sensitive body. it overwhelms you so much that you can't help but let your wanton moans fill the room, riddled with not a single thought.

"you feel so good around me, baby." johnny takes your legs, lifting them up from the previous missionary position. his cock delves deeper the same time he presses them into your chest, eliciting a shameless cry from you, begging him to move. "just to be certain, hm? gotta be sure that you're full of my cum — so i'd have the pleasure of seeing your belly swell up with my baby, your boobs full with milk."

"plus, i'm gonna need to be sure that i'm gonna become a daddy." using an arm to hold your legs down, the free hand grasps onto yours that's holding onto the headboard. he misses the first time, but catches your fingers in time with his thrusts.

"daddy... hah- please, you're filling me up so g-- so good!"

johnny groans, impaling you with his dick with a speed faster by the thousands compared to the previous round. with your legs tucked snugly to your chest, you can do nothing but plead with your eyes for any sort of relief.

"cum- cumming! cumming! jo- johnnyyy..." with a scream of his name, you're gushing around his length, head making a terrible indent into the softness of your pillows. your mouth grows lax, drool leaking from all sides of your mouth before the other's thrusts falter bit by bit. you take his cock to the hilt, balls twitching from releasing into you.

"fuck, baby, take it- take all of it in your pussy." he shoots another load deep into your cunt and you feel sticky all of a sudden, coming down from the intense high of the dizzying state you were always put in whenever johnny was in you. with a kiss to your twined hands, johnny murmurs out i love you to your fingers, planting another kiss on the silver ring that you donned.

weakly, you reply. "love you too, so much." although, you're confused when the other doesn't pull out.

"it's a plug. so i don't have to worry about you not getting a positive on that pregnancy test." you giggle at that. giving into him even when your legs return to their natural state. tenderly, johnny manoeuvres you onto your side, his still hard length resting in you and his hands move to your ass, squeezing it that makes you squeal softly. "it's a win-win. i get a baby, and you won't have to clean the sheets."

"oh my god," your words are littered with laughter, exchanging small talk with the slowly darkening sky with the promise of a little one and a lifetime with johnny suh, the man who'd given you the stars and the moon if you'd asked.

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sunwoo-hoo · 3 years ago

Text

↣ treasure reaction to cockwarming (legal line)

↳ a/n Thank you so much for this request anon! It was really fun to write I hope you like it. If you are under the age of 18 please do not interact with this post.

↳ requested? yes

↳ genre: smut, smut, and more smut + fluff (is this even cockwarming?)

↳ send me a request here!

↳ word count: 1.4k

「 choi hyunsuk 」

when you told him you wanted to try cockwarming he was surprised he didn’t think that was something you would be into but boy was he wrong

you decided to be extra spontaneous and surprise him

one evening when he was working on music you came up behind him and started trailing long sweet kisses on his neck

smiling widely he looked at you

“what’re are you doing babe you know this song is due by monday”

you simply hummed innocently

“you should definitely take a break then” you cooed while pushing him slightly away from the computer

you continued to sit on his lap and started to straddle him

he grabbed your jaw and tilted your head so he had better access to your lips giving them a much needed kiss

you then unzipped his pants and grabbed his already semi-hard cock

his breathing started to become heavy already knowing what to expect next

as you slid down onto his length effortlessly you whispered in his ear

“if you really have to work then let me stay like this”

he tried to work on his music while you were in him but it didn’t last long until you were bent over his desk saying nothing but his name

「 park jihoon 」

he actually brought up the idea to you first thinking it would be a fun little game to play

whoever moved first was the loser and the winner got to decide anything they wanted the loser to do

you decided to try it out before going to bed putting on a drama

laying down he was already rubbing the outside of your pajama shorts dangerously near your clit

your breath hitched already dreading the game

he wasn’t even inside you yet and you were already drenched in your panties

he slipped them off with ease and spread your legs allowing better access

“you ready to lose?” he jokingly said

you turned your neck slightly to face him

“in your dreams” you retorted squinting your eyes at him

he then slowly pushed in deep into you

you held back a moan biting your lower lip

getting into a comfortable position you both tried to watch the drama until you started to rock your hips against his

he smirked as he grabbed you and pulled you on top of him

“i knew you couldn’t resist”

「 kanemoto yoshinori 」

cockwarming was normal between the two of you

you often did it after sex it was your special way of cuddling and being close

one night you two were having sex after being apart for two weeks

when you both were close to your climax that’s when you shouted

“yes! yes! right there please don’t stop yoshi”

he rocked his hips deeper into you grabbing your waist in the process

his thrusts started to become sloppy an indication that he was close to his high

that familiar sensation in the pit of your stomach started to become to much to bear

and then you swear you saw stars cumming all your juices onto his cock

when he saw your juices on his cock that’s when he lost control and filled you deep with his hot seed

“god [name] you’re so beautiful”

you smiled up at him and gave him a sweet yet gentle kiss

his cock stayed inside you as he lay down next to you drifting into sleep

「 kim junkyu 」

he looked at you confused at first not knowing what cockwarming was

when you told him what it was and that you wanted to try it his eyes lit up like a tree on christmas

one afternoon you were already sitting on his hard cock when you got a phone call

you panicked and picked up the call realizing it was your work telling you to come to your shift early

that’s when he decided to prank you

he slowly lifted his hips to thrust into you

you held back a yelp almost dropping your phone in the process

“yes sir, i-i can come to my shift early” you mumbled trying desperately not to moan

saying your rushed goodbyes you quickly hung up the phone and glared at him

he smiled innocently at you

“let’s see how much i can make you cum before you have to go”

「 takata mashiho 」

when you told him you wanted to try cockwarming he was all for it giving you the biggest of smiles

on a road trip with the rest of the members you two were all the way in the back seat and that’s when you decided to try it sneakily

you were already sitting on his lap when you started to rub your ass against his clothed cock

luckily everyone was distracted by their phones to notice you moving at a steady pace

his eyes closed enjoying the feeling of your ass being pressed up against him

when you felt that he was hard enough you quietly pulled down his sweats and pushed your skirt to the side

sliding down on his cock you held back a moan when it instantly reached your sweet spot

he nibbled on your ear before whispering

“shh, we need to be quiet love if not i’ll give you something to really moan about”

「 yoon jaehyuk 」

you were both talking about new things you wanted to try together sexually and you both had cockwarming on your list

since you both were adventurous you decided to try it one summer night

you were recreating your first date at lotte world when you both decided to go on the ferris wheel

at first it was just a ride you both were going on for fun

until you reached the top and with one look you both decided to try it

you knew the ferris wheel would be still for at least 10 minutes so you swiftly went on his lap

unzipping his jeans he rubbed his cock a few times until he was satisfied with his hardness guiding you down onto his cock

you gave him a cheeky smile and leaned in to give him a passionate kiss

he licked your bottom lip begging to taste more of you, you easily allowed him access

next thing you knew your tongues were dancing together

after a few minutes you pulled back gasping for air

he chuckled while rubbing your cheek with his thumb

you shyly leaned into his touch

“the view is almost as beautiful as you”

「 hamada asahi 」

he blinked a couple of times when you told him you wanted to try cockwarming

he wasn’t against it he just didn’t see the appeal when you could just fuck instead

but after you begged and told him it was suppose to be a cute couple experience he gave in

he would do anything to make you happy even if it was cockwarming

you decided to try it one night when it was a bit to chilly hoping to warm each other up

he rubbed his cock over your clit a few times to tease you before pushing into your wet pussy completely

you moaned as he entered you loving the feeling how his cock hit you in all the right places without even having to move

“thank you for doing this with me” you shyly said burying your face in your pillow out of embarrassment

he kissed your neck and answered

“there’s no one else i’d rather do this with”

「 bang yedam 」

he shyly brought it up to you first, it was something he heard from the older members and he realized he wanted to try it with you

you decided you wanted to go all out for the first experience

candles, new lingerie, soft music in the background, everything

when he came back from practice he was in shock in how you decorated your entire bedroom you shared together

looking you up and down in the black lingerie you decided to put on he smiled brightly

“what’s all this?”

“well... you said you wanted try cockwarming so i thought why not try tonight?” you said looking down on the floor

maybe he was too tired? was this a horrible idea? you started to panic

he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his body tilting your head to look up at him

losing your train of thought you looked into his eyes

“any night is perfect as long as i get to spend it with you” he assured you as he gave you a soft kiss to your forehead

#treasure reactions #treasure scenarios #treasure imagines #treasure smut #treasure fluff #treasure x reader #hyunsuk x reader #jihoon x reader #yoshi x reader #junkyu x reader #mashiho x reader #jaehyuk x reader #asahi x reader #yedam x reader #[mine 🌸]

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strawberrymilkgeorge · 4 years ago

Text

Part One. George: the definition of “hello, have you met my friend?”

warnings: none word count: 1568 (not including pictures) *** Bugsy is Y/n’s username! I got too attached to change it to y/u/n so change it in your mind if you’d like :)

behind the screen (irl dream x reader) series masterlist

ultimate masterlist

Y/n sighed lightly as she set her phone on the desk in front of her. Her eyes traveled back to her monitor, where George was sharing his screen on Discord as he practiced speedruns. Y/n and Sapnap were on call with him to keep him company.

The cold air around her nipped at her skin, sending chills and bringing goosebumps. She pulled her hoodie closer to her body, tucking her feet on her chair to curl herself in a ball.

"This run sucks," George mumbled. "I thought it was going to be good."

"It would have if the village actually had anything useful," Sapnap commented. "There was a lava pool at spawn and everything."

"What do you think, Bugsy? Should I start over?"

She hummed, squinting at the screen. "Yeah, you should."

He left and started a new run.

"Karl's replies on Twitter are always so funny," Sapnap giggled after a few moments of silence. "He's so formal."

"I love that kid. That's my best friend right there, no cap," Y/n said with a smile. She and Karl had been friends for a few years now. They met through their parents being friends and shortly found out the other streamed and quickly bonded over that as their fanbases grew.

"Did you see Wilbur's response to your tweet?" Sapnap asked. "Man wrote you a letter."

"What did the tweets say?" George asked, half-listening as he focused on his run.

Sapnap read them and George laughed through his nose. "How could you ask for a Minecraft boyfriend while you're literally on a call with us while I'm playing Minecraft?"

"Just keeping my options open," Y/n laughed. "Don't worry, I'm wearing a GeorgeNotFound hoodie as we speak."

"I'd be worried, George. There are quite a few proposals in the responses."

"Shut up," Y/n muttered, a smile on her face that she was glad neither of them could see. "George, you remember my roommate is in love with you, right? Don't upset her by being jealous of boys coming after me."

"You're an idiot," George breathed out in a laugh. "No, she's not."

"She is. Very much."

"No, no, she isn't."

"George," Sapnap sighed dramatically. "Just accept that you can be loved."

"You're both idiots, okay?" George laughed awkwardly. "This seed is terrible," he groaned.

"Wait!" Sapnap yelled. "Village on the left!"

George quickly turned and ran towards the village to loot it. Y/n watched with Sapnap as George found iron and a few other valuable things.

"Oh! This might be okay."

"Bugsy?" Sapnap asked slowly, sounding confused.

"Sapnap?" she replied in the same tone.

"Have you not met Quackity?"

"No. What made you ask?"

"I just saw his response to your tweet."

"Why are you two on your phones? I'm speedrunning!"

"Because you still haven't made it to the nether on any of them," Sapnap bit. "How are you best friends with Karl and you haven't you met Quackity?"

"I dunno. I just haven't. There's a lot of people I have only spoken to through Twitter replies."

"Like who?" George asked.

"Why are we only talking about me?" Y/n asked in slight frustration. She wasn't fond of talking about herself because she wasn't used to it. "This is George's stream."

"Well, now I'm really curious so I wanna talk about this," George laughed. "Who haven't you met?"

"I dunno!" she said, flustered. "Quackity, Wilbur, Dream, Tubbo, Tomm-- wait, no I met Tommy. He yelled at me."

"Wait, wait, what?" Sapnap interrupted.

Y/n paused but neither of them said anything. "What?"

"You haven't met Dream?" George asked, sounding equally as confused.

No one said anything. "No? Why is that surprising. I mean, we've joked through tweets and stuff but I've never played with him or actually spoken to him."

"What about DMs and stuff?" George asked.

"Nope. Dream is just thirsty in my replies like Wilbur," she joked, feeling the anxiety of the awkward pauses seep through her skin and touch her bones. Why were they being so weird about it? "Why is that so shocking that a man with, like, 15 million subscribers has never spoken to me?"

Sapnap laughed. "I'm just genuinely surprised that he hasn't reached out to you before."

"Yeah, me too," George agreed. "He talks about you in a way I thought you guys were good friends. And you're friends with us so I just assumed you were friends with him too."

Y/n laughed, nervous at the mention of being talked about. "Well, he must be a pussy or something because I have yet to receive any acknowledgement from Dream Was Taken besides him occasionally replying to my tweets and Instagram pictures."

George laughed suddenly, making Y/n look at the monitor with George's screen quickly, which wasn't moving. "What happened? Did you find something?"

"No," George's screen began moving again and he started building a portal. "Dream just texted me because he's watching the stream."

"What did he say?" Sapnap asked.

"He said, 'can I join the call? I don't want Bugsy to think I'm a pussy'," George answered, lowering his voice to a mumble before adding, "And something else he'd probably kill me if I said out loud."

Sapnap and George laughed at Y/n's silence. She was only joking, not intending to challenge him to talk to her. Honestly, she was relieved he had never spoken to her because he intimidated her. Meeting people made her nervous and Dream was no different. If anything, he was worse because he was a big deal and he kinda flirted with her sometimes, which gave her butterflies in a way she didn't like.

"I'm adding him to call," George announced.

"Wait, you're not going to check if I'm okay with meeting him live in front of 80,000 people?" Y/n asked with a small, nervous laugh.

"No, because it's my stream. I can do what I want. I can't live another second knowing you two have never talked."

"I think Bugsy's scared!" Sapnap coeed.

"I think so too!"

"You wish," Y/n muttered.

A small sound emitted from Discord, notifying everyone that someone joined the voice chat.

"Hello Dreeaamm..." George dragged out as he navigated the nether. "I made it to the nether, Sapnap. Will you get off your phone now?"

"Yeah, I guess. Hi Dream!"

"Hello," Dream said casually. "Hello, Bugsy."

Y/n lowered in her chair more, pulling her hood up and closing it tight over her eyes. No one could see her but his voice made her feel seen.

Sapnap giggled and George laughed. Dream breathed out a laugh. Y/n responded with a small, "Hi."

"Bugsy, you're such a liar!" Sapnap called out. "You are so scared."

"Shut up, Sapnap!" she chuckled.

"Scared of what?" Dream asked innocently.

"Meeting you," George answered. Traitor.

"Forgive me," Y/n started, sitting up in her seat and pulling open her hood to watch George play, "for being nervous to meet Mr. Speedrun in front of a huge live audience." She decided to joke around to hopefully ease the nervousness under her skin. "I'm just worried he's going to flirt with me again and I'll have to embarrass him in front of everyone by rejecting him again."

They all laughed.

"I mean, you already said Karl was in the lead for being your Minecraft boyfriend, so I really have no shot," Dream said.

"As if I'm letting some girl named Bugsy steal my fiance!" Sapnap yelled.

"Ah!" The attention was ripped away from Y/n as George screamed. Y/n looked at the screen, watching as her friend was getting attacked by a hoard of zombie pigmen.

"Why did you hit one, George?" she teased.

"I didn't mean to! AHH!!" he screeched, making everyone laugh. "STOP ATTACKING ME!"

"George!" Dream laughed. "Just run, you won't be able to kill them all!"

"I'm trying!" George fell in lava and screamed again. His death appeared on the screen and Y/n could hear him slam his desk. "That run was so good until the zombie pig came out of nowhere."

He started a new run and it was quiet for a moment before Dream's soft voice spoke again. "Well, Bugsy. I hope you forgive me for taking so long to speak to you."

"I-I was just kidding about you being a pussy," she mumbled, making him laugh.

"No, it's true. I was."

"Come on, Dream, sliding in my DMs is easy," she joked. "You could have if you wanted to."

"Trust us," George laughed, "he wanted to."

"What?" Dream asked George loudly, making Sapnap laugh.

"Dream, you talk about her all the time. George and I were both led to believe you were already friends based on how you talk about her."

"How I talk about her? What does that mean?" Dream sounded defensive and it made Y/n smile.

"You're always like, 'Bugsy did this' and 'Bugsy tweeted that', and 'I have to do a face reveal before Bugsy does because she'll outshine me'," Sapnap teased.

"Okay, the last one? I never said that. You're lying about that."

"But the rest of it is true?" Y/n teased.

"Look, you play good and your tweets are funny! I didn't come on here to get bullied, oh my gosh."

**********

A/N: this is my first time attempting a social media fic so the theme of this series is gonna be ignore the number of likes/retweets and stuff just know that y/n is a much smaller streamer she only gets a lot of likes and stuff when it involves other mcyt ya know okay fun times

Please give feedback!! I hope you enjoy it!!! I don’t have a schedule right now but I might in the future if this series gets a lot of attention :) as of right now i’ll try to update at least once a week!

#real person fiction #rpf #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken x you #dreamwastaken x y/n #dream x y/n #dream x reader #mcyt x reader #mcyt x y/n #smau #dream smau #dreamwastaken smau #social media fic #dream social media fic

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aminiatureworld · 3 years ago

Text

Harmony

Characters: Mozart, MC (she/her pronouns)

Premise: In which the reader has musical talent which she hides from Mozart.

Word Count: 5,112

Warnings: None

Author’s Note: This was written for a gift exchange organized by @ikemenlibrary (and is consequentially is one of the first gift exchanges I have ever participated in). My giftee was @bluejay-writes - who I hope enjoys this very much and is not too put off by the fact I am incapable of writing anything that doesn’t hit a word count in the thousands. Thank you for letting me participate, I hope you enjoy!

Mozart

There was something undeniably fun about cleaning up the mansion, the intrepid explorer thought. Like peeling back layers of the past. For though the mansion no longer seemed foreboding, it still hid a few secrets here and there. And she was determined to find them, at least as many as possible until she become a human dust ball.

I wonder if I’ll find anything interesting today, she thought as she climbed up the staircase to the third floor. Though Saint-Germain had assured the young lady that there was little of interest up there, mostly storage crates, she still thought that it would be fun to explore. After all, what does an immortal vampire collect? Do they collect only a few precious objects, or are they horrendous hoarders? It was an interesting thought to entertain, and one she was musing over as she opened the first door on the left, only to be met with a surprising sight indeed.

She could recognize a violin case anywhere. There was something very, specific about the shape of a violin. Whether a case that fit the form of a violin, or a glorified rectangle, there was no way this musician wouldn’t recognize it. Former musician, she corrected herself. After all, she hadn’t picked up a violin since she was living her old life, and that was months ago at this point. Yet old habits die exceedingly hard, and thus she found herself gingerly opening the violin case, hoping, despite herself, that she might see something at least somewhat preserved.

The violin was certainly worse for wear. The bridge was teetering dangerous close to collapse, the strings slackened and dirty with unwiped rosin residue. The varnish was cracked and peeling, and there was no small amount of sweat damage on the neck. Nevertheless the sound post was still in its proper place, and there appeared to be no seams. For a moment the woman’s heart soared. A violin! A beautiful violin! Oh how wonderful it might be to play again, to once more feel the weight of a bow in her hand. She could even ask Mozart for some of his sheet music for surely…

Oh. That’s right. Mozart. The would-be violinist couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her. Mozart. Her partner, her lover, her closest friend. What would Mozart’s reaction be to her picking up the violin? For surely she could not compare to a man who was performing for imperial courts by the age of six? Suddenly it felt like a piece of lead was forming in her stomach, and she set the violin down. Closing the case with a soft click she began the work of dusting out the room.

Throughout the rest of the day she couldn’t stop thinking about that violin. It was one of the things that the time traveler had missed most about her life in the present. She supposed at first that she could ask Saint-Germain about getting a violin, but felt at the end of the day that such a purchase would end up being too expensive, and that she didn’t have much sheet music to go along with it anyways. Still, she never stopped loving the violin, and now that one was so close to her the urge to pick it up and practice was overwhelming. And yet Mozart… Though she knew logically that her lover wouldn’t care, might even be excited about the prospect of a musical partner, the seeds of doubt that sprouted in her chest refused to wilt. How could she, an amateur, ever compare to Mozart? What if he told her she was awful? What if he hid the violin from her? What if she was bothering his precious time practicing and composing. All these thoughts shuffled around her head until she was barely sweeping the floor. No, she didn’t want to think about what might happen if Mozart were to find out about her past as a violinist. Better to let it lie.

At least, that’s what she told herself. Yet the prospect of an unclaimed instrument in the house was too strong. Thus the young lady found herself in front of Leonardo’s door, anxiously holding the old case tightly to her chest, hoping that no one would catch her and blab to her partner.

“Who is it?” Leonardo’s voice was muffled through the door, nevertheless retaining its easing cadence.

“Just me,” she replied, opening the door a crack.

“Ah, yes. What can I do for you signorina?” Leonardo glanced up from the sketch he was working on. Immediately his eyes fell to the violin case, and curiosity flashed across his face. “I haven’t seen this in decades.”

“Ah, is it yours? I’m sorry if it is I didn’t mean to bother it! It’s only, well, I found it yesterday while cleaning and I was wondering if you could fix it up a bit. The bridge especially is, well, on its last legs.”

“I’m not surprised,” Leonardo let out a chuckle, “in truth that violin belongs to an old friend of Saint-Germain’s. He had taken a shine to it, and since the friend wanted a new violin he left it here. However Saint-Germain is surprisingly impatient – disastrous for anyone attempting to learn a capricious instrument like the violin – and thus it ended up in the attic. I can take a look at it if you’d like, though if you don’t mind I’d like to ask why. Is Mozart looking for a spare?”

“Ah. No. It’s, it’s for me.”

“You play? How wonderful! I’m sure Mozart will be rather excited to hear that his lovely lady is also blessed with great musical talent.”

“Ah thank you, but no! Please don’t tell Wolfgang about this.”

“You wish to surprise him?”

“No, in fact, well, I kinda hope that he doesn’t find out at all.” She smiled awkwardly as Leonardo fixed her with a confused stare.

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t tell him.”

“That’d be like asking me to show some sketches to Vincent, or Theo, or you. How can I go up to one of the most talented musical geniuses in history and say ‘hey! I play the violin too!’ He’ll just think I’m pathetic.”

“I sincerely doubt Mozart would act in any such way. Not to one he loves so much.”

“Well,” the young lady flushed slightly, “I don’t know. Even if he didn’t say it out loud, I feel like I would just be able to tell. He’d look at me with such hidden distaste, and I don’t know if I could stand such a thing.”

“Well, if you are truly that worried,” Leonardo fixed her with a skeptical look. “I will try not to tell Mozart anything, but I will let you know when I’ve finished my work.”

“Thank you Leonardo, I appreciate it very much.”

“I’m willing to be of help at any time.”

The young woman closed the door softly on her way out, thoughts filled with what Leonardo had said. Yes, the old vampire was probably right. After all, there was no one that she confided in so much as Mozart. Hadn’t they both laid their souls bare by now? Didn’t she trust him enough? She did, of course she did! And yet.

“Meine Liebling. Was hast du dieses Tag gemacht?” Mozart’s voice was as clear and musical as a windchime, and despite it all the young woman felt herself relax.

It was nighttime now, the work of the day set aside for the bliss of spending a night cuddled in the arms of one’s love. The couple had gotten in the habit of laying out their days to one another, a kind of living journal just between the two of them. Tonight appeared to be no different.

“Let’s see Wolfie,” she giggled as Mozart blushed slightly, “nothing really of note today. Finished cleaning up things with Sebastian and went out into town. I can’t believe how much bread this household goes through in a day! And you? How was your day?”

“Ach,” Mozart scowled. “I was told by Saint-Germain that his friends were holding a sort of party in a week and he wants me to play for them. I don’t know why I accepted.” Letting out a sigh Mozart buried his face in the top of her head. “I don’t want to play for these men and women, no appreciation for music.”

“You can always tell Saint-Germain you changed your mind.”

“No, I agreed to do it, so I have to.”

“You really care about your promises don’t you.”

“Well, it’d just be a pain to change it at this point!” Mozart insisted, something which brought a laugh out of her despite herself. Ah how he liked to hide his own kindness from himself.

“Anyways,” Mozart continued, “that means I’ll have to be out late in the evenings for a while. Don’t wait up for me, or else you won’t be able to get anything done the next day.”

“I make no promises not to wait and you know it,” she replied, giving Mozart a peck on the cheek. “Still, thank you for looking out for me, I hope you end up enjoying the performances.”

“It won’t matter whether or not I enjoy it, besides I should think that would be rather impossible.”

“Why, because you’ll miss me?”

“Of course not! I mean, well, maybe, whatever!”

Her laughter carried through the room, joyous in the calm cool air of the evening. In these moments how could life be anything but pure bliss? She allowed herself to be carried away by the conversation, nestled safe in the arms of the one she loved, all worries dissipating away as she drifted off to sleep.

It was only the next day that the young lady realized how much of an asset Mozart’s impromptu practice sessions might be for her. Though she would certainly miss spending so much time in the evening with her partner, it also presented an easy solution to how on Earth she was supposed to practice with her lover always in the mansion. The day that Leonardo finally pronounced the violin playable was one spent in high anticipation. Kissing her partner goodbye, she hoped that she didn’t seem too excited for Mozart to be on his way. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be around him, no in fact loneliness seemed to set in the moment that his carriage turned down the lane and out of sight. But the allure of the violin was too much to deny at this point, and she scurried away excitedly to her room, anticipation building.

Playing an instruments after months of absolutely no practice was never something that the violinist assumed easy. Still it was frustrating how awkward the instrument seemed to rest on her shoulder, how her fingers fumbled around the bow. Tuning took about ten minutes, and the first attempts at playing a scale made it only about an octave and a half before she stopped and restarted. Nevertheless there are some things that your muscle memory refuses to forget, and soon enough she was going up and down three octave scales again, even if the top half was rather squeaky. Happy enough after about twenty minutes the young lady then went through the arduous task of trying to recall any sort of piece beyond their first two lines.

Mozart’s face flashed through her mind about five minutes into her first attempt at Beethoven’s Romance 1. How she wished that she could simply ask him for some sheet music. But no, she’d already convinced herself that secrecy was the best option, and there was certainly no going back now. After all, how would she ever explain that she was sneaking around with a violin because she was terrified that he would think she was an absolute hack? Not to mention that he might still think she was a hack after that, especially considering the level she was currently working at. The young lady could barely remember the notes to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star right now, much less anything actually impressive. Then again, had she ever been able to play anything impressive? Certainly not on the level of Mozart.

Though she managed to play for about an hour and a half it was a fight the whole way through, and by the time she was finished she wasn’t sure that she had ever been particularly good at the violin, though the logical part of her brain reminded her that with a bit of practice she’d surely improve quickly. It was late evening by the time she finished, having started right after dinner, and she quickly hid the violin under her bed before going to check and see if Sebastian needed anything, all the while thinking about what Mozart was doing in that moment, and what he might think if he were to hear what had just happened.

The rest of the evening was passed in a cloud of moodiness. Even the usually blasé Theo seemed to pick up on the fact, asking what was giving the young woman such a hangdog look. Though she quipped back her usual “I’m not a dog” she couldn’t deny the fact that she probably seemed awfully dejected at the moment. Nor could she ignore the fact that Mozart would certainly pick up on this the moment he got home. If he was a bit brusque he was still probably the best person at reading her mood – even if he didn’t always know what to do about it. She had to find a way to rein in her feelings, or risk all her plans falling apart. However it was becoming quickly apparent that this was easier said than done, and in the end all she could do was go to bed early, pretending that she didn’t notice Mozart’s soft gait across the room, as well as the way he kissed her gently on the forehead, whispering a soft “I love you” before drifting off to sleep.

The next day Mozart was up early at his piano, scales echoing through the hallways as the musician practiced his repertoire to perfection. The same thing could not be said of his lover, who was spending the day in the library, trying to act as if she was working on reorganizing the bookshelves rather than looking for a quiet place to wonder where everything had gone wrong in her life.

“Ah, signorina,” Leonardo’s voice spread throughout the library. The polymath was trailed by an apparently rather disgruntled Isaac, who murmured out a greeting before shooting a look at his taller companion. “I hope that the violin is going well.”

“You play the violin?” Isaac asked.

“Only very badly!” The young woman replied. “Leonardo, I wanted to keep it a secret.”

“Ah, ‘scusa,” Leonardo replied, not looking very sorry at all. “Since I already let Isaac in on the secret now, you might as well tell us about it.”

“Fair enough,” she sighed. “In truth it’s harder than I thought it would be. My fingers feel so awkward and wonky, and certainly the lack of sheet music doesn’t help. In fact I was hoping that we’d have some sheet music here in the library, but it must all be in Mozart’s room, since I don’t see much here.”

“Not unless you count some very old chorus books,” Leonardo agreed. “Why don’t you just ask Mozart about it?”

“I told you, I don’t want him to find out. Especially now when I’m at my worst. I’m sure he’ll be rather, well, rather unimpressed.”

“I still don’t think that Mozart would say anything against you,” Leonardo said skeptically.

“I agree,” Isaac chimed in. “You two always seem completely devoted to one another, in fact it’s rather annoying. What I mean,” the physicist continued as she shot him a look, “is that I don’t think that Mozart would be anything but further enamored with you if you told him that you played an instrument.”

“See, Isaac agrees with me, and he’s not the kind to honey his words.”

“Still…” she trailed off. They were probably right. I mean, of course they were, weren’t they two of the greatest historical minds? Still, still. She just couldn’t do it. At the end of the day, she was just too scared.

Uttering an excuse about how she needed to do the dishes the young woman left the library, a half-hearted “I’ll think about it” as her last words on the subject. The pit in her stomach seemed only to be opening farther, and she couldn’t help but feel like she was drowning in her emotions.

That evening was a rather distracted one, as she floated half-heartedly through her workload. Dinner was spent listening to the conversation flow in and out of her ears, never truly reaching her in any meaningful capacity. The only thing that managed to reach her was Mozart discreetly squeezing her hand under the table, a gesture she returned gratefully for Mozart’s actions brought her nothing but happiness. That evening she practiced for an hour, letting the familiar notes of one of the etudes she had memorized wash over her, the familiar pattern of her jumping fingers a comfort. At least she could still play this relatively well. Perhaps it was the only thing that she could.

It was the fourth day since she’d started practicing the violin, the sixth since Mozart had started going over to the house of Saint-Germain’s friend to rehearse, and the day before the soiree was actually to be held. The composer had gone out in the middle of the day for something, and despite everything the young woman found herself pulling the worn violin case out from under her bed. It was easier to play in the daytime, the sun seemed to clear away the worries, the uncertainty. Though the young woman knew that the violin was no lighter than it been yesterday, she nevertheless passed through her scales quicker, marveling at what one could do when the fatigues of everyday life had not yet set in, and when the worries of the world were still off one’s shoulders. Perhaps things weren’t as bad as she has thought.

This optimistic view was shattered the moment the door swung open, revealing a very surprised Mozart. Immediately the joy the violinist felt shattered into horror, the beautiful day having apparently betrayed her.

The young woman honestly couldn’t quite remember how the whole conversation went. She didn’t know how she replied to Mozart’s inquiry, and she didn’t remember how she escaped the room. She couldn’t even remember if she managed to put the violin back in the case. What she did remember however was the incredulous look on her lover’s face, the words “what are you doing” passing coldly through his perfect lips, the sinking feeling in her stomach that she was right to think that he would be disappointed in her.

As soon as the sun went down and Mozart was safely out of the house the young woman went back to the third floor. Though it was certainly less dusty before the air of mystery still pervaded the room, although the urge to explore it had long since left her. After all, was she not suffering the consequences of ill-advised curiosity right now? No, best to let it lie. Just as it was best to return the violin to its rightful spot in storage, since she evidently had no need for it now. It deserved better anyways, deserved to be played by someone with at least a modicum of talent. Unlike her, who could not even play a few scales correctly. What a bunch of nonsense.

Still she couldn’t help the bitter feeling that spread through her chest as she took one last look at the case and closed the door. Despite the frustration, despite the poor intonation and the lack of memory and the screeching E string, she still rather loved playing the violin. The way that the notes emanated from her fingers, the pure full sound of the chords. Ah, how she loved it so much. But she couldn’t keep doing this, not now that Mozart knew that she was a mere imitation of a violinist.

That Mozart seemed to completely avoid her the next day – having apparently gone out in the morning and having spent the afternoon preparing for the soiree – certainly didn’t help her much flagged mood. Yes, she knew logically that it was probably just bad timing, but that still didn’t stop thought from flying around her head, fears that somehow she had shamed him so much that he refused to be near her. Yes, perhaps that was thinking very lowly of his character, but she couldn’t help herself. It was all too much, and try as she might the young lady couldn’t totally chase these fears out of her, having to settle for distraction.

When Mozart left for the soiree, having not even said goodbye, all the energy the young woman might’ve had suddenly left her. There was no likelihood of talking to Mozart tonight, at least not if she wanted not to be incoherent with fatigue. Though she tried to get through the rest of the day Sebastian, being ever-vigilant, gave her an early dinner and sent her on her way. Climbing the stairs the young woman realized how tired she was, and how good some sleep might be, at least to drown out all her thoughts for a while.

There was something rather odd on her bed. Though all logic pointed towards it being a violin case, she could not quite bring herself to believe it. The case itself was gorgeous, the wood having been carved to perfection, varnished so as to not disturb its beautiful dark sheen. When she finally got up the courage to touch the case, not entirely convinced that she wasn’t simply dreaming, it was smooth to the touch. The locks were quick to open, and the catch did not stick. The inside was padded in a silverly silk, well-stuffed and sure to keep any cold out. Yet it was the violin that caught her, for it was a beautiful one.

Slowly she lifted it up, tightening the bow with apprehension. The first few notes she attempt came out clear and pure, the rest similar in their brightest, in the fullness of their tone. Yes, this was a beautiful violin.

Underneath the case was a few loose pages of sheet music, the writing on it was impossible to mistake. Mozart’s hand, despite being rather loopy in letters, was perfectly made for writing sheet music, clear and separate and perfectly legible – not something one could say of all composers. Yet how could this be? Did someone become aware of the fact she had put the violin away? Had they stolen Mozart’s works? And yet the paper seemed to be rather new, the pieces unfamiliar to her. There was only one explanation, even if it was one she could not bring herself to accept. There must be some mistake. Perhaps Mozart ordered a new violin and one of the members of the mansion thought to bring it to her room, instead of walk into his study and perhaps accidentally bump into something. Yes, that must’ve been the answer, and that being so she could not keep playing it. Tremulously she put the violin back in the case, setting it on the seat at the foot of her bed, and falling quickly into a confused and dreamless sleep.

She woke to her lover leaning over her, softly tracing stray locks of her hair across her face.

“Wolfie?”

“It’s me. I’m sorry to have woken you up. Being Saint-Germain’s friends the performance went well into the night.”

“You don’t seem happy about that.”

“Why should I be? Such a waste of time, I could have been composing all those days. But at least it is over now. Everyone seemed to like the performance.”

“I’m glad to hear.”

For a moment the two stared awkwardly at each other, the agitation plain on each of their faces. And though that was not necessarily surprising to Mozart, it was to the young woman, who knew that her partner seemed on the verge of asking something, yet was engaging in the small talk he usually put down as a waste of time.

“Did you, ah, did you see the new violin.”

“Oh? Oh yes, I did. It looks very beautiful I’m sure, well, I’m sure it will do you well.”

“Me well?” Confusion painted the composer’s usually serene face.

“Well, yes. After all, isn’t it for you?”

“Of course not! Why should I get a violin when I have one that suits me perfectly well as it is? Honestly, what kind of madman do you take me for?”

“I, well…”

“It’s for you! I thought you were slow at some points but honestly! I don’t know why I bother.” The scarlet that colored Mozart’s face was undeniable, even in the dim light of the moon.

“Why would you get me a violin?”

“Well, if you want to play on that old one then you can! But I wouldn’t recommend it. Too much sweat damage on the neck, that one wasn’t meant to be played again I bet. Besides, I, I don’t know! It seemed like a good idea! I mean when Leonardo told me he was fixing up a violin for you… I know the man’s a genius but would you trust that one over a luthier? I wouldn’t.”

“Leonardo told you? But I told him that it was a secret!”

“I confronted him about it. It was obvious that you were distracted over something, and I was worried that, well. I know we, I, have had difficulty expressing myself in the past. And after everything that we’ve been through, well I’d rather not have any sort of repeat performance. And I thought even if you were angry at me or upset, I’d rather know than not.”

“But Wolf, I could never be angry at you. At least, if I were I wouldn’t tell everyone in the mansion but not you. And why didn’t you just ask me?”

The look on the composer’s face was so funny she couldn’t help but giggle – it seemed as if the thought had never crossed his mind. He may have improved, but he truly was the same Mozart in some ways that he had been when she had first entered the mansion. Prickly, prone to being roundabout, but caring nevertheless. Pressing a kiss lightly against his cheek she smiled at him.

“Well, I appreciate that you tried. Although I am rather peeved that you went to someone else, and that Leonardo told you. I’ll have to talk to him tomorrow. Still, I appreciate it.”

“Well, thank you. Although I also have a complaint.”

“And what is that?”

“Well, it’s simply that some idiot with moths in her brain thought it more prudent to sneak around and try to covertly practice than tell me that she played an instrument. I thought that, well, after all the time we’ve known each other it stung a bit. I mean, are we not fellow musicians, all else aside?”

It was a short statement, but one that made her heart stutter anyways. Looking down for a moment she began to play with the covers between her fingers, trying to think of how to put into words all the emotions that had gone through her this past week.

“The thing is, well, um,” why were the words so difficult to get out? “It’s just that I’m an amateur, a student. I never played in a professional orchestra, only youth orchestras and other school and community programs. I know I’m not the best violinist under the sun, honestly, it’s a miracle I got into some of the programs I did. I know that, and compared to you I mean, how can I even compete? Not that I’m trying to be better than you of course! It’s only that not only could I not keep up with you, I’d fall flat on my face within the first few minutes. I just, I didn’t want you to be, embarrassed by me.”

For a moment the room was silent, and her heart flagged. Perhaps it was better to have said nothing. Then however the light touch of her partner’s fingers graced her jaw, lifting her head up to meet her eyes with his.

“I could never think so low of a fellow musician. Never think so low of you. Yes, perhaps your technique was not perfect, and your intonation poor, and your vibrato unsettled and your memory for pieces appears utterly gone a-”

“Mozart.”

“Sorry, the teacher in me. Anyways, what I mean is that I know that you have talent, and even if you didn’t, though such a thing is impossible, I could feel your passion. Before I opened the door, when I was standing there, well, I mean, it wasn’t half bad. And I do think that if you buckled down you could improve a great deal.”

Though not perhaps the most romantic statement ever made, the young woman couldn’t help but feel her heart lighten, more than it had at any point in the past few days. Throwing her arms around the composer, who immediately turned beat red and began sputtering incoherently, she buried her face in his neck.

“Thank you Wolfgang. Truly, thank you.”

“I was just giving my professional opinion,” he murmured, looking away.

“Whatever you say,” she giggled. Mozart may have retained his prickliness, but that could not deter the meaning of his words, or the joy she took from them.

The next day the young woman opened the violin case as soon as she was done with the morning preparations. Humming the tuning pitches softly to herself she relished the openness of her actions, the fact that she didn’t have to slink away to practice anymore. After some scales she looked at the first etude in the pile that Mozart had given to her. Grimacing slightly at the key – Ab major – she nevertheless took great joy out of the first chord that she struck from the violin.

As she played she heard the soft lilting tone of Mozart’s piano. The notes reached her ears and mingled with her own music, creating a perfect sound. Ah Mozart, she thought to herself, you really cannot stop yourself from your own kindness.

And though he’d be loath to deny it, the smile that graced Mozart’s face as he played along with the one he loved was that of perfect bliss.

#ikemen vampire #ikemen mozart #ikevamp mozart #oneshot #my writing #bern writes

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