#I love you Ashton wow

[honeyedlashton]

“Thanks for being alive Luke. you’re a real life angel”

[utilitycaster]

The thing about Ashton is while I have grown incredibly frustrated, there is something, again, terribly real about how they're behaving and how (I assume) they're feeling. There's something horrifying about learning you have endless possibilities for who you could have been in your head, and yet having to live in the one where your parents nearly killed you and your friends abandoned you for dead and you were right about your prediction that your new friend would sacrifice themself. It's just...the solution is not trying to undo the past (impossible) nor find whoever will tell you you're most special regardless of their other positions.

[kindahoping4forever]

Ashton with fans in Germany

[qilingxiong]

man... everyone in the 碧窗有鬼杀人 storyline sucks as a baseline but they really hammered it home and made it even more wretched in the drama huh

[hemmohoran]

Happier Than Ever (Stay) (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem!Singer! Reader

Summary: Based on the songs Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish and Stay by Post Malone. pt 2 of YOYOK. You go back to L.A and old friends open old wounds

Warnings: ANGST. This is very, very based on my own experience so this is my therapy session with you guys, sorry. Mentions of abuse, death, melancholia, psychological abuse, sad times, curse words. And grammar errors (I didn't even check twice, I'm sorry)

Word Count: 8.7 k

Author's Note: Hey, I'm back because I've missed you and I needed to get this fit out of my chest and survive it. Please, if you like it reblog it and comment, I love to know your thoughts. SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS THAT WE'RE GETTING FEWER AND FEWER HERE. Thank you. Hope you like it and happy reading

YOYOK / Masterlist

“Hey,… I know it’s been a long time since we last saw each other. I’ve heard the new album is coming along great, I’m so happy for you. You… You seem happy, or at least that’s what I can see on social media. I just- I heard you were coming back home- I mean, L.A for some time and well, I was wondering if we could catch up? If you don’t have a place to stay maybe you could crash into mine, like the old times. But you probably already… Anyhow, just call me or text me if you want to. I would really love to-”

When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever Wish I could explain it better I wish it wasn't true

You love the feeling of being above the clouds. So close to the sky that you marveled on the technological advances that allowed you to feel free.

“Mom, look!” You thought “I’m in the clouds, so high above. Is this the feeling you were always dreaming about?”

A pang of nostalgia stabbed your heart, wishing your mom could be there with you experiencing all of this. But she was back at home, safe and sound on the surface. You knew it was for the best, that you could miss her a little bit more before your heart begged you to go and visit, even when your mind knew better than to believe those rose colored glasses of memory.

Was it the feeling of familiarity that made you feel safe even when it hurt? Maybe. Still, you wish you could’ve shown the world to her, give her everything on a silver platter and say “Mom, I did it. I can take care of you now”

What would she say?

You know she’s proud and she’s thankful for everything you’ve done for her. Still, it doesn’t feel like enough. Her eyes just won’t shine the same way; her smile would change; and the hug won’t ever feel as comforting as you’d expected. Your heart would tell you that she loves you, but your mind would always go back to those moments where you doubted it could ever be unconditional. So you’ve learned to miss her a little bit longer each time. Longer until you learn to miss her for the rest of your life.

It was not a foreign feeling, but it was one that you learned to feel and apply to your life. With time you’ve known the patterns, you’ve learned to grow and let go because that’s not the energy you need to spend even a bit of your mind over. You could miss the happy moments but know that they don’t fit anywhere with the person you want to be most. For your own good, you needed to learn how to let go.

The path was not easy - having to teach your heart not to bleed itself dry for the memory of past times. All the tears and the hurt, it was all part of healing what other people broke. So, the beauty of the cracks made you see just how worthy you are. Even if sometimes the water leaks and your mind starts a whirlwind of doubt, you would never come back to the person you used to be when the people that you loved most didn’t love you as you deserved.

Since then, you found yourself thriving. Not only in your career as a musician, with your lyrics that resonated with a lot of people and even made you gain a considerable number of new fans; but, also with yourself. You started loving more freely, more authentically. you saw yourself in a better light and wished people from your past could see just how much better you are without them. Not to be mean or to gloat, but for them to know that you didn’t cave, that life was meant to be lived and you will be doing just that even if they’re not part of it anymore. You wanted them to be happy for you, just as happy as you are for them.

Still, it scared you to go back to L.A, a place that has seen you at your worst and was the cause of your declining mental health. Even if it was for a short period of time, you knew you couldn’t stay there. Your place, the place that you belong was somewhere across the sea; far from anything and anyone that could make you feel like you once did. Like you didn’t matter.

Yet, no process of healing is ever complete until the cycle of hurt is broken. There were some things in your chest that begged for you to say them. Now it was time to let them out. And, if you were honest, a tiny bit of curiosity tied itself to that feeling. There were just too many unanswered questions still left hanging in thin air. The problem was that you didn’t know if you’d like the answers.

“Hey, Y/N” Your agent called your attention as she sat next to you “I need to confirm the last dates for your airbnb, are you sure you want to shorten your stay?”

You smiled softly at her “Yeah, I will be staying with some friends after”

“Okay, but are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. There’s a lot of things we need to catch up”

Every time we make-up, the truth is fading' Everybody's blind when the view's amazing'

It was weird to feel foreign in a place that helped shape you into the person you are now. But, then again, L.A never felt like home. Australia didn’t either, even though that’s what you’ve been saying in all the interviews when they asked what’d you miss more from home. “My family, the sweets, my friends, the sun…” But the sun did shine in other places; your family, you realized, never made any difference; the sweets could be ordered online; and your friends… Your friends changed. In the end, home never felt like home because you could create it everywhere you’d go.

There just places you’ve been. Home is something else, something you haven’t found yet.

Still, if you had to admit something is that the sun in L.A shines differently than in other places. It always seemed like you were entering a strange dimension, always playing “Something about the sunshine” on loop inside your mind.

You’ve been there a month and so. Enough time to have meetings and writing retreats that lasted a weekend. You’ve been to social required events, just as you do every couple of months to show your agency that you do know just how lucky you are. You’ve been to concerts, gave concerts, left concerts early to go and drink some wine curled up with a book in your bathtub in the hotel room. A small holiday mixed with a little bit of work, you’d say.

But you were leaving in a week, and there are still some things left on the schedule.

You sighed as you grabbed your bag from the sidewalk. The driver was kind enough to offer his assistance, but you would much rather face this by yourself first. During the drive you’ve imagined what it would feel like. Seeing him again. You wondered if your heart was beating faster than usual because of excitement or anxiety. In all honesty you didn’t know what to expect or even if you should be expecting something out of this experience.

Yet, you made up your mind to try and heal this. Get the answers that you longed for and be able to move on completely free. So, once the car drove away, you walked up to the door you’ve only seen in pictures before, and rang the bell.

For a moment you wondered if he remembered. Hoping that, in the end, his proposal of having you as his guest wasn’t just a passing comment he made. After all, you didn’t know when you’ll be back in the city or if your schedule would ever be as free in L.A as it is now. And even if he forgot and didn’t expect you, well, you can’t say you’d be surprised. Thank goodness for back-up plans.

“Coming!” You heard moments before the door opened, barely giving you time to prepare.

There he was. His hair was longer, somewhat a few tones lighter than the last time you saw him. His eyes took a couple of blinks to recognize you, changing the gleam in that hazel color you used to share so many secrets with. He smiled at you, the ghost of a laugh hidden in the dimples you used to poke at lunchtime, claiming that it wasn’t fair that he got to be the pretty one of the two of you. And for a moment, the man standing in front of you was the same kid you met all those years back, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hey!” Ashton sang with a laugh, stepping closer into your space and hugging you with one arm as the other took your bag out of your hands “I’m so glad to see you! It’s been so long”

“Yeah,” You softly said, pulling back just enough to analyze his face “Thanks for the invite, Ash”

“Of course! I know you’re not a big fan of hotels anyway and, you know, it’s good to have you back. You’re always welcome to stay here when you’re in town”

He opened his arm toward the door and invited you in. You tried not to think about the fact that this was the first time you stepped foot into his house ever since he moved to L.A. He invited you before when you first moved, but schedules were complicated back then and after a while he stopped offering.

It was hard to think that once you used to live at his house back in Australia. Always trying to escape whatever nonsense was happening over at yours. At some point, you lost count how many times you ended up napping on his bed while he played some dumb internet game on his computer or watched a really dumb movie because “You don’t understand, Y/N, Seth Rogen is a genius” And you didn’t understand because even then you thought Seth Rogen was a creep, but it didn’t matter. You were in your safe space. You were with him. And he probably didn’t even know just how much that meant to you.

Now as you look around, you couldn’t help but search for that same feeling. A sign telling you it’ll be okay.

“Sorry, I know the living room is a little messy”

You turned to watch him look around the place with a slight blush on his cheeks. You smiled kindly at him.

“It’s okay, I’m not one to talk either” You turned back to the room “This place… suits you. It’s a lot like I imagined. Very artsy, very you”

He looked at you confused for a while “Yeah, I haven’t changed it much since -” He caught himself before he could continue and tried to cover his realization with a cough “No, yeah. Thanks! Come, your room is over here”

Once he settled your bag on the bed you went and sat next to it. Silence falling over the two of you as he stood awkwardly at the door.

“I hope everything is-”

“Everything is lovely, Ash” You smiled “Thank you”

He nodded and looked away. Hands hid inside of his pockets as he thought of the right thing to say. But nothing seemed to come to mind.

Suddenly, you felt out of place. Incredibly conscious that maybe you were an inconvenience now that you were there. Maybe, after all, he didn't want you there. You wanted to take this chance to meet him and talk, knowing you couldn’t just pretend that the years of separation and the strangeness you now felt toward each other didn’t exist. Yet, judging by his stand, there might not be a chance to bring those old moments back.

“So, how long are you staying in L.A for?” He asked. And he must’ve seen the way your face fell in disappointment for he quickly followed by saying “Not that I’m not happy that you’re here, of course, I invited you. Just wondering because that bag is just-”

“Oh. Yeah, no. My other bags are still at the hotel”

“The hotel?”

“Yeah, I just asked my team if I could leave them there since we leave in a week and I don’t need much to get by while I’m here and so…”

“Wait,” Ashton shook his head “You’ve been in L.A for a while now?”

“A month or so”

“And you didn’t tell me? Y/N, I offered you a place to stay for a reason”

You frowned “Ash, I did tell you. Last time we texted to see when I was arriving, I told you I was already here”

“No, you said-” He protested as he took out his phone and you watched him scroll down to your conversation. His words got caught up once he read those messages again “I- I though-”

“I have been incredibly busy these past few days, hence why I didn’t want to inconvenience you with my crazy schedule and all. This last week is all I have to relax and so I thought that we could catch up this week before I leave?”

“No, no, no yeah, you’re totally right.” He said, running a hand through his face, embarrassedly “I’m just an idiot”

You looked at him quizzically.

“Everything okay, Ash?”

“I thought we had more time, that’s all” He smiled softly at you “Anyway, ready for tonight?”

“Tonight?” You asked, a small smile forming in your face.

“Yeah! I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate your new album!”

Ashton started to dance awkwardly, making you laugh as you shook your head at him.

“You really don’t have to do that, you know?”

“I want to!” He said “You’ll see, just be ready by seven”

He clapped his hands and left the room. A warm feeling spread through your chest on the fact that he wanted to celebrate you and your success. It finally felt like he cared, like he hasn’t forgotten about you. This really was a chance to put all bad things in the past and start anew.

Or at least, that’s what you hoped.

You scared me to death, but I'm wasting my breath 'Cause you only listen to your fucking friends

Fuck off and pour another drink And tell me what you think You know that I'm too drunk to talk right now

You knocked on his door at fifteen past seven. You decided to wear your favorite light blue top with black, wide leg pants and some low heels. You didn’t really know where he was supposed to take you or how you should dress, so you went with the most comfortable but chic thing you could find given that you didn’t plan to go out as much.

When Ashton opened his door you took a step back to look at him. He was wearing jeans and a wide, white shirt. You could feel your cheeks blush, and had to look down to hide it. It was an awful familiar feeling that you thought you could leave behind knowing that it was extremely pointless to feel the way you once did.

And just like all those years back, he didn’t notice. But for the first time you were glad he didn’t.

“Sorry I made you wait” He said with a smile, closing the door behind him.

“It’s okay,” You said, looking up with a shy smile.

Ashton walked past you to grab his keys, the path he created with his cologne left you dumbfounded for a minute. It was a different smell, one that you weren’t familiar with.

“Why do you have so many colognes?” You asked him once, walking over to his small desk while he wrote what was left of his assignment. Ashton looked up and chuckled when he saw you puffing them into the air to smell them and making faces at each one “They’re mostly presents from my family. I think my aunts were trying to tell me something last year”

“Well, at least they have good taste” You said, trying on the one that had a clear, almost orangy color bottle “Yeah, I’m taking this one home”

“No the hell you’re not!” He got up and took the bottle away from you, raising his arm over his head so that you couldn't catch it. It was his favorite pastime to remind you just how short you were back then “This is my favorite one!”

“You never use it!”

“I will!”

After a couple more tries to grab it from his hands you saw yourself surrender and falling onto his bed again “If you don’t wear it at least five times a week, I’ll take it”

“Deal” He said with a smile, throwing one of his hoodies at you from the floor “And then you will hate it so much because it’ll remind you too much of me that you won’t even want it afterward”

You never told him that it would be the opposite.

Next thing you know, Ashton has parked and was getting out of the car. You looked around and you were surrounded by nice streets and expensive houses. You opened the door and looked over at Ashton who was nodding his head toward one of the houses.

“C’mon” He said with a smile.

“Where are we? Is this a new restaurant I haven’t heard about or…?” “What? No,” He chuckled, ringing the doorbell “Is my friend Andrew’s home. He invited us over for dinner to celebrate that he came back from tour as well”

You were at a loss for words, “He invited us?”

“Yeah, I told him you were coming. Why, what’s wrong?”

A lot. You wanted to tell him. A lot was wrong. How could he not see what he was doing? If he had told you that you were just going to a friend’s house then you wouldn’t have looked so out of place, or feel like a fish out of water. You didn’t know who this Andrew was, you didn’t even know if Ash had actually told them that you were coming or if you’re just going to turn up at this reunion/party for his friend. He said it was to celebrate you.

But before you could voice your concerns to him, the door opened and a guy with a big mop of hair jumped in to hug him.

“Dude! I’m so happy you could make it!” He - Andrew, apparently - smiled widely at Ash, chatting with him for a minute before he noticed you standing beside him “Oh, hi!”

“Hi,” You smiled shyly, extending your hand in greeting knowing Ashton was not going to introduce you judging by the face he just made, seemingly embarrassed of that fact “I’m Y/N”

“Of course!” Said Andrew, shaking your hand and pulling you in for a kiss on the cheek that you weren’t expecting “I heard so much about you, I didn’t know you were friends with this guy here”

“Yeah! We’re friends since the old Australian days” Ashton said, smiling at you “Y/N here dropped by for a visit since she’s doing a lil business around L.A”

You smiled tensely during that small exchange. Wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the car and wait for everything to be over.

One of the reasons you left L.A was because nothing ever felt right. For years you tried to fit in into the scene, going to parties and hosting them with a bunch of people who didn’t even know your last name. You were never good at making new friends, that is to say once you’ve established a relationship with someone then friendship would just roll around the corner. But everyone here was moving so fast it was almost impossible to even wish for a deeper connection with someone.

When you first moved, you thought it would be like a great new beginning. Yet you’ve never felt more alone. The only people you knew were from your team and from Ashton’s band, but even then they turned into more acquaintances given just how little time they seemed to spend in the city.

And maybe Ashton knew that. Maybe he was trying to fix that and give you some opportunities to mix with his group of friends; something you’ve been wanting to do since you moved here all those years ago. Still, something fell… off about all of this.

After the guys talked a little bit more, finally Andrew invited you in. There, you found a group of people you’ve never met hanging around the living room. Plastic cups and ashtrays were scattered around the room as a tinted, light smoke served to decorate the place and give you just an idea of the state of most attendees.

As you walked by, people started to come up to Ash, greeting him and spending a few minutes catching up. Not one of them turned to look at you for more than a second or even gave you the courtesy to say hi. Ashton didn’t seem to notice it at first, but there would come the rare occasion that he would introduce you to some of the groups that started forming around him.

It was not a rare sight for you. Back in school he was the popular one, always friendly with countless people you didn’t even see around school that often.

“This is Y/N, she’s here promoting her new album!” He’d say.

“Wait, I know you!” One of the strangers said, their smile totally welcoming “Taylor Swift gave you a few shout-outs recently, didn’t she?”

You smiled “Yeah! I had a chat with her at a label party a few days back. She’s amazing. We talked about collabing soon, maybe a writing session next time she flies out to the U.K”

“Damn, that’s awesome! I’m Laura, by the way” They said, extending her hand toward you “Ash, why didn’t you bring her along on one of our trips?”

Ashton chuckled “C’mon L, well…”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s our style. No offense” A guy next to them said. You frowned

“What do you mean?” You smiled awkwardly “Have you heard my songs before or-?”

“Nah, it ain’t that. It’s just- We don’t go Taylor Swift’s style”

You could feel your heart beating loudly inside your chest as you looked between Ashton and the other guy, hoping that Ash would intervene “But I’m not Taylor”

Once again you looked toward Ash, but his eyes were cast down to the bottle of beer that he held in his hands. You couldn’t help the disappointment that came over you then.

“Hey man, not cool” Laura said, locking your arms together as they pulled you away “Don’t mind him, he’s high out his mind right now. C’mon, let’s get a bit drunk”

They took you to the main couches and sat next to you. Your cheeks were a bit red from the humiliation. How could you have expected Ashton to defend you? He said it before that your music didn’t go with his vibes and that it was not really his thing, so why would he help you now?

“Those guys can be assholes sometimes. I love them, but they’re so…” Laura trailed off, looking over at you “But hey, forget about them. Tell me a little bit about yourself, how do you know Ash?”

You ended up telling them your whole story. About how you met when you were kids and how he was your best friend. How lonely you felt when he moved away the first time. And how excited you were to see him again after your big break, but that life got in the way. You probably told them more than you should’ve, but the drinks were soft and the room was crowded. And for the first time in the evening someone was actually willing to listen, curious to know you rather than know about you.

“That seems like a whole adventure” They smiled, “And when was the last time you saw Ash before deciding to come and stay with him?”

It wasn’t that long ago, a year or so earlier, when you gave a secret concert in London when you released your last album. He was standing in the corner, smiling at you as you sang. It was the first time since you told him you were moving a couple of years prior. You both kept following each other on social media, but that was pretty much it when it came to your relationship. And you were good with it.

You knew they were in the U.K for their tour, Michael and Crystal had asked you for drinks during that same week and you had a great time catching up. So, against your mind’s warning, you started to hope you would run to him soon enough. And when he appeared at the concert, you couldn’t help but smile back.

Afterwards, when you were back in the green room, you asked if he was still out there and to invite him over to chat. But no one from your team saw him; apparently he was already gone by the time you went off the stage. You remember waiting until you went home to allow yourself to cry, even for just a few minutes. That small interaction that seemingly never happened opened the wound back again. And, if you were honest with yourself, that was one of the main reasons why you decided to take on his offer to stay with him. But you didn’t say that.

“I don’t know,” You told them instead, as your eyes landed on Ashton standing a few feet away from you, a lighted joint between his lips as he laughed with people that you haven’t seen before “Since I moved to Scotland, I think. A while before, probably”

If Laura saw the sadness in your eyes, they never mentioned it. They just said “Okay, I think you should be a little bit drunker, my friend”

Hours later you were alone and tipsy sitting at the front porch of Andrew’s home, nursing a cigarette between your fingers.

“I didn’t know you smoked” A voice came from behind you.

You sighed, putting the filter in between your lips and taking a long hit before you let the smoke get lost into the night.

“You’re mad.” Ashton said, sitting next to you

“And you’re high”

“So we’re both telling the truth tonight” He chuckled, you didn’t “When did you pick up this habit?”

“I don’t know,” You answer honestly. “It was better than drinking myself to death back in Australia. It helps with my anxiety”

“What do you-”

“Alcohol makes you fat.” You deadpanned as you took another hit “I didn’t want my mom to have yet another reason for her nagging”

“Y/N-”

“But she’s not here so,” You passed him your empty cup, still not looking at him “Bring me another one, please?”

Ashton sighed “I think you had enough,”

“You will just never stop making decisions for me, are you?” You stood up, killing the cigarette after one last blow “I know what I’m doing, Ash. I’m a fucking adult, if you haven’t realized. I don’t need you to tell me what to do”

His eyes widened. He parted his lips as if to say something, looking over his shoulder back at the party. You rolled your eyes.

“Don’t worry, your friends can’t listen to what I’m saying. Your reputation will still be intact and they will still love everything that comes out of your mouth”

“Hey,” Ashton said with a bit of a bark “Don’t talk about them like that”

You pressed your lips on a tight smile, looking at him as your eyes filled with tears. You couldn’t believe that he was defending them like that from just a simple comment, but left you completely alone when they were making worse comments at you.

“Fuck, Y/N” He said, frustrated “I’m trying here, you know? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! You don’t want to talk to me, you moved across the world. You still talk to the guys-”

“They’re my friends,”

“I was your friend too!” He shouted, surprising you “And I want this to work. I want you here, with me. But if you don’t want to be here and go back to your fucking hotel- I want us to work!”

“Why am I here, Ash?”

“C’mon, don’t be like that! I just wanted you to meet a few people, celebrate your new album-”

“Yet none of them cared to get to know me, nor you to introduce me and actually wanting to celebrate with me” You took a deep breath and sighed “Give me the keys to the house, I want to leave”

Ashton shook his head.

“You’re angry. I get that”

“No, Ash. I’m tired and I want to go to bed” You said more firmly this time “Give me the keys and I’ll call an Uber”

“I’ll take you!”

“The fuck you aren’t” You laughed, not a hint of humor in your voice “You’re high with more than just weed apparently. I’m drunk. I would rather not fucking die tonight, thank you”

“I’m not going to-”

“I don’t want you to! Okay? Fuck, Ash! I don’t feel safe around you!”

You saw the ways his eyes changed, how hurt they looked so suddenly at your words. You knew you wounded him, but it was how you felt. You didn’t trust him, not tonight.

“Y/N…” He said, getting up and walking over to you but you took a step back. He sighed, roaming around his pockets before he found his keys and gave them to you “Text me when you get there, leave the keys by the potted tree”

You answered him with a nod and a small thank you. You didn’t watch him as he turned away and walked by to the house. You didn’t hear Laura, who was watching over from the window, tell him:

“I don’t know what you did, man. But I’ve never seen anyone with such sadness in her eyes”

Damn, who are we right now? Can we have a little conversation? Figure it out with no intoxication We carry on, what is our motivation?

You woke up when you heard footsteps outside of your door. You knew it was him waiting outside, probably debating on whether or not to knock on your door, wanting to talk. There were times in the past where he would just open the door to your room and sit down on the floor next to your bed, waiting for you to start talking or acknowledge him so that he could apologize or talk things through. Sometimes you didn’t need to say anything, you just understood each other. And as he walked away without a word, you wondered where did all those times go?

Where was the friend that would go out with you and wait on the street for a cab to take you home, no matter whom he was with or what you were doing. Where was the friend that when you snuck out to your first concert, he held you close by the waist and covered your body so that none of the beer that people were throwing around got into your clothes or hair. What happened to the friend that would stay awake chatting with you on the phone even though you had an exam early the next morning, all because the guy you liked broke your heart.

Tears rolled down your face as you tossed and turned on the bed. It wasn’t fair, your heart kept begging your brain to understand. It wasn’t fair that you had to lose it all without a warning.

Once upon a time, you thought you had it all as long as Ashton was there. Now, you begin to miss the times where he wasn’t. Times where you learned to be happy without him, where you didn’t need him or his approval. Times where you felt complete even though your best friend was not around anymore. You were better off without him, and learned to live without him. You knew that to be the truth. But one just can’t ignore the past and the mystery of how the person that makes you feel such horrible things about yourself once promised to give you the world and its stars and meant it.

You just couldn’t figure it out. So you just forced yourself to go back to sleep.

When you woke up again a few hours later and made your way to the kitchen, you found freshly made coffee and bagels waiting for you on the counter with a little note next to them:

“I’m sorry, can we talk about it later? XX Ash”

You sighed as you wiped out the tears that clung to your eyelashes. You took a sip of the coffee and found comfort in the heat of the mug.

On the other side of town, Ashton was doing the same thing. His eyes were covered behind dark sunglasses as he thought of what to say once he got home. In front of him, Calum can’t say that he’s impressed from what he’s heard.

“What’s your deal?” He asked his friend.

“I- I don’t know” Ashton answered, biting the inside of his cheek “I thought she would have a good time. She was always cool at coming to those types of parties with me back home, we used to have fun”

“You and I both know she hates parties, and back home she had you. The normal, probably tipsy you, to keep her company” Calum said, taking a bite out of his sandwich “Last week I found her sitting alone while the rest of the world was having a conversation around her. We talked and it was nice, she’s not normally that outgoing on the get-go. She never was”

“You saw her last week?”

“We were invited to Gabriel’s cocktail party. You didn’t want to go, as usual”

“You never told me that-”

“What? That we’re still in contact? Dude, we all talk to her from time to time. We mention her in our conversations every now and then. She’s still our friend”

Ashton sighed, “So she just hates me for no reason?”

“You truly think that Y/N L/N could hate you?” Calum chuckled, “That girl would’ve followed you straight to the end of the world back in Aus. As far as I know, there’s only one person she truly hated”

“Who?” Ashton scoffed “I’m pretty sure our politics teacher was not so bad”

“What? No, Ash-” Calum shook his head “Remember when-” His face went blank “Oh shit,”

“What?”

“You didn’t know?”

Tell me that it's all okay You ruined everything good I've been waitin' on this all damn day Always said you were misunderstood Call me in the morning', tell me how last night went I'm here, but don't count on me to Just fucking leave me alone

He found you sitting outside in one of his garden chairs. A cigarette was hanging from your fingertips as the ashes fell on the floor in a small pile. You didn’t look back at him, for your eyes were staring at the moon that decorated the sky with its beauty.

You felt him come outside and sit on the chair next to you. The sound of a lighter made you blink, and you sighed at his exhale. There was no way he was doing this sober, and you couldn’t blame him. Yet…

“I was hoping we could talk without any of that” You said. “You have your ways and I have mines”

Silence fell over the two of you once again. You could feel his eyes burning holes into your profile, but you didn’t have the courage to look at him just yet.

“When did I stop being your best friend?” He asked.

Tears quickly covered your eyes and you hated that. “Probably around the time when you stopped being mine”

“Y/N-”

“You held me, once. Not the usual hugs that we gave each other, no. This one was different. We were at school, an overnight vigil that the nuns made us do every year”

“Those were fun,” He commented “A huge sleepover at school”

“The theme was about lost ones, remember? I had just lost my grandma that past week”

“I wasn’t at the funeral, I was away on a trip to the city. She was the one that taught you how to bake”

“Yeah,” You chuckled. “Though, I was never good at it once she passed. Anyway, of course I started crying. I’ve already lost so many people back then, and I was barely hanging on. But then - then you held me, so tightly. And my tears left a damp stamp on your shirt. You cradled me and brushed my hair with your fingers and whispered “It’ll be okay, you can cry. It’s okay” and kissed my head as they started to sing. You sang as well and never said a thing about it afterwards. That was the moment I knew I couldn’t have loved you more”

The sound of a cricket broke your monologue, and you allowed yourselves to be fed into the sounds of nature for a while. You knew there were still things left unsaid, so you better get over with it now rather than later. You didn’t want to stay for the aftermath.

“Remember the first time you came back to Australia? I was still living there in the house we grew up in. I was having a shitty day at work, so I went to grab a coffee at our favorite coffee shop with other coworkers when a few of our old friends and classmates came through the door. We said our hellos and caught up, it was nice. Then they had to go. “Who’s coming with me to Ash’s house?” One of them said. I remember asking about it as they argued over who had to take the bus or a cab. They told me you were coming back that day and have invited people over to celebrate”

“Y/N,”

“You invited them. Even people I didn’t know that well and that I know for a fact didn’t know you as well. And don’t try to tell me it was a guys thing, cause you invited girl classmates as well”

Ashton opened his mouth to say something, yet nothing came out. “I was numb as I took a taxi home. I still remember that the radio played “Waiting for Superman” as I tried my hardest not to cry. But when I got into the kitchen, I just couldn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that you were just a door away but didn’t want me there”

“Y/N, I wanted you there” He said, putting his hand on your arm as he leaned closer “I - I know I can’t say anything to fix it now but- I missed you, too”

“It didn’t seem like it” You told him “Every time I learned something about you back then was through a story or a tweet. I learned through the paparazzi who you were with and in which city you were going to sleep next. I saw you living your best life with your friends away from home. And, I get it, we both resented that place and all that we suffered while we were there. I just - I just hoped that my memory was something worth saving, cause my memory of you always was and will always be the best thing that’s happened to me while we were there”

You turned to him and looked him in the eyes “It just hurt to know that while I put you on a pedestal, I was already out of your sight”

“Baby, you know that’s not true” You scoffed “I swear! In my memory, you were always there! Front of the line!”

“Then why-?”

“I was scared, okay?!” He shouted, lowering his eyes in shame “So fucking scared and it’s so stupid!”

“Scared of what?!” You shouted back, willing for him to look you in the eyes “Ashton, for god’s sake just tell me!”

“They told me that you liked me!”

For a moment time stood still. You backed away from him as his words started to make sense. You pulled away your arm, letting his hand grasp the space that you left between the two of you.

“What?”

“People started whispering,” He said, his voice broken as if he were crying “Telling me how good of a couple we could be. How happy you were with me and how in love you looked”

“When was it?”

“At the beginning of our senior year” Ashton admitted, ashamed “I- I already knew that I wanted to get out of Australia. I knew that with the guys we could take the band somewhere massive. So I put my whole soul into it, trying to escape the feelings that would pull me back”

“You thought I was pulling you back” You stated, betrayed.

“No! I was pulling myself back by thinking about it!” Ashton said, finally looking at you and hating the way you were looking at him “I couldn’t risk it”

“Couldn’t risk what?! That I could have feelings for you?!” You stood up “You’re unbelievable! You could’ve asked me! Come to me instead of running away and make me lose part of myself in the process. Parts that I can’t take back, that I can’t love back because of you”

“Y/N!” He tried reaching out to you, but you took a step back.

“No!”

“Y/N, please! Just-!”

He grabbed you by the elbow and pulled you to him. The movement made you lose your balance, tripping over your feet as Ashton maneuvered you to land on top of his lap, holding you by your waist.

The sudden proximity made you lose all the air inside your lungs as you looked at him and his hazel eyes surrounded by red. He looked desperate, pleading with his eyes for something you couldn’t understand. He was breathing hard, his chest colliding against yours where your heartbeats were going as fast as your thoughts. Almost impossible to catch up.

Then, almost without thinking, Ashton launched himself forward and pressed his lips on yours.

The softness of the kiss contrasted the chills that ran up and down your bodies. As you gasped for air, his hand came to tangle itself on your hair, pulling you closer to him as you allowed him to deepen the kiss. He sat back on the chair and pulled you with him, making your legs spread at either side of his hips; never once letting you go as he kissed you over and over again, like a man deprived of something more.

“Y/N,” He whimpered against your lips, making you sigh as his hands roamed your body until they landed on your hips, moving them against lower half “Y/N, please”

Your mind was clouded in smoke, feeling the heat of his kiss along the length of your neck. His words whispered your name, as his movements on your hips became erratic, letting you feel all of him under you.

“Please, please Y/N” He said, kissing and kissing and kissing every part he could find “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”

Suddenly, you opened your eyes as you jumped back to reality. Putting a hand on his chest and pulling away from him. Both of you were left panting, as your skin tingled from the contact.

Ashton’s eyes were desperate, looking at you in fear of what you might do. His lips - you imagined - were a mirror of yours, plumb and beat red as your name escaped him in the form of a question. You closed your eyes and let a tear fall across your cheek as you shook your head.

“You don’t get to do this to me” Your voice, a whisper.

“What?” He asked, almost out of breath. But you were already getting off him and turning your step back to the house.

“You don’t get to do this to me!” You yelled through the tears “You don’t get to confuse me all over again. You don’t get to have a half-ass apology followed by a kiss that would make it all better!” You turned to him, poking a finger on his chest “You don’t get to make me hate myself all over again for loving you when you didn’t think it was convenient for you!”

“Y/N!” Ashton pleaded, taking your hand in his before you yanked it away “I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking-!”

“Exactly! You weren’t thinking! You never, not once, thought of me during all of this. Fucking admit it! Trying to get me to come here to patch things up was just such bullshit! You just wanted to make sure that I was still available for you any time you wanted! And don’t say it isn’t fair cause you were not aware of how miserable you made me!”

“That’s not true-”

“Was this just a plot to get me to bed?! Is that what you think of me now?!”

“It’s not true!” Ashton yelled “I know I made a mistake and I’m so fucking sorry! I should’ve never-! Look, I want to patch things up. You were right, goddammit, Y/N, you were right! It took me a long time to realize and fuck! After you moved away I was fucking miserable as well! I- I failed you”

You stood there in front of him, crying silently as he paced desperately.

“Ashton,” You called to him “Ashton, why am I here?”

Suddenly, he stopped and looked at you “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“About what?”

“For fuck’s- About the fact that you were abused, Y/N!” He yelled, leaving you speechless “Right after I left! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

You swallowed hard “It was none of your business-”

“You told Calum” He accused “You told Calum and you never told me. Why? Maybe it was not just me who was a shitty friend to you, after all, if you were going to keep things like that from me”

“How fucking dare you, Ashton Irwin. How fucking dare you?” You pushed him away “I told Calum by mistake! I didn’t mean to do it and it was years after it happened. And because I didn’t think you would care!”

“What?” He broke down, putting his hands on his knees for balance as he looked at you in tears “How- Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s the truth,” You cried “Just like you said, you had big dreams and a massive opportunity and I was just going to pull you back. Ashton, you just justified everything I thought it was true with that sentence”

“Y/N-”

“Do you think I had a good time? Knowing that my best friend, the only person I cared about in the world didn’t give a fuck about me to even ask how I was doing? So if you really wanna know… I don’t relate to you anymore. I don’t. I don’t want to think about what we had anymore because it just makes me fucking sad. I thought the world of you. Ash, you were my everything. I loved you, as a friend. I loved you, as the sun loves the moon even when it’s gone. I loved you with every prayer, every pleading, every move I made was for that one day I could be with you again, anyway that you would have me. I would’ve died a thousand times next to you, just as long as you kept me company. I didn’t care about what could happen to me. And when something happened, I tried to spare you from it, even when you never once asked. Fuck! I moved to L.A and this is the first time I’ve been in your house!”

“That’s-”

“I wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn’t true. I wish we could’ve resolved this somehow, but let’s be honest. There is no bridge to burn when we're already so far away. And those memories? From all those years back? Now it all feels like a lie and don’t you dare say otherwise. You’re not the person I once knew, Ash. The person I once knew would’ve never invited me here to leave me alone at a party with people I don’t know, saying a cute lie about how it was for me when in reality it was to make you look a certain way. The person I once knew would’ve never made me feel like nothing every time we were at an event together and you couldn’t even say hi. The person I once knew would’ve never let their “friends” disrespect me in any way. The Ashton I knew wouldn’t have tried to make me feel sad. He wouldn’t have made me so miserable to be in my own skin because they’re not brave enough to face the music he so highly speaks about. You never once showed support for what I do once I became my own person. You never once called to ask how I was. You never once believed in me as much as I believed in you. You made me hate this city. But even more, you made me hate everything I used to love about us. Now I meet someone new and wondered if it’ll be like what we had. You ruined me, Ash. And you never apologized for it”

Ashton was shaking his head, crying as he listened to what you had to say.

After you had your feelings heard, you didn’t walk away or ran through the door so that you could escape the aftermath like you did back in December all those years ago. You were not going to run away again. Not when your heart finally felt light from all the things you’ve been carrying.

You and Ashton cried in silence, each one at one side of the room.

The two of you couldn’t help but wonder what had happened and why did it end up like this? You could play the blaming game; pretend this never happened; you could walk out and never see each other again; or, you could just stand there, waiting, digesting the sour words that fell from both your lips and think, think of anything that could be saved.

“What are we going to do?” Ashton finally asked, voice hoarse from the crying.

“I don’t know,” You answered in all honesty “It’s like we only play to lose”

“Every time,” He said, looking at you and giving a small chuckle. “Every time I see you it just hurts. Not for anything you’ve done, but for everything that I could’ve done but didn’t”

“Maybe it was for the best to have it end this way”

“But… I don’t want it to.” Ashton admitted in a whisper “Now that you’re here… I kept on failing cause I wanted to prove to myself that I still knew you”

You laughed “Who are we, Ash?” you asked “A girl that chases over the past and a boy with the excuse?”

“How the hell we’re going to make it?”

“Maybe we don’t” You shrugged “Maybe we’re just meant to be passing figures on the street. People we once knew. We can’t go back from this, Ash, and you know it. We’re just going to keep hurting each other”

Ashton nodded, walking over to you as you let yourself be embraced by a hug.

“I love you, Y/N. I will always love you”

“Terribly” You murmured against his chest “I will love you all my life, Ash. And I’ll miss you forever”

“Tell me that it’ll be okay? Please?”

You smiled and placed a small kiss on his chest, and held him tighter. And he knew.

He knew.

*

*

tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @youneedtocalumdown @heyitskelseaj @ashtonsunflower @calumspupils@secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @lendeluxe

[masterqwertster]

Yeah, wow. The Kryn Dynasty is very much going to kidnap Ashton when this is all over if he doesn't willingly go to them.

I mean, Leylas essentially told Chetney "if you want it, I will probably offer it if you get that boi with a beacon brain to walk into this pretty gilded cage, possibly on a pedestal, I'm going to make for them."

And I love how she gently tries to nudge Ashton to consider Luxon worship. Like, you may very well have a piece of our god in your head. Search for it. And come find me later so I can assign you the correct religious significance.

Also Matt talking in the Cooldown afterwards that Leylas just wants Ashton to come back to her, alive or dead. She's just got to have that beacon brain in her grasp.

And Ashton is like: I'm looking for any and all people willing to talk about this. I don't care and am oblivious to any conflicts of interest I may be creating in bouncing between those people.

Like baby, please. You were warned by both Allura and Essek to be careful and not show yourself to the Dynasty, and now the Bright Queen is making plans to acquire you however she may because you didn't listen.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Physical Fitness

[at the beach] Sonia Greene: oh howard this was such a lovely idea! Greene: a romantic seaside picnic and just the two of us! Greene: and we've got your favorite food right here - untoasted white bread! Greene: isn't this nice? HP Lovecraft: [sweats, stares at ocean] right sure

HP Lovecraft: Hey! Quit kicking sand in our faces! Sonia Greene: that man is the worst nuisance on the beach! Aleister Crowley: [grabbing Lovecraft] listen here, I'd smash your face, only you're so skinny you might dry up and blow away!

Crowley: [to greene, as he manhandles lovecraft] look babe, why don't you drop that zero and get with the hero Crowley: i'll show you how a real man kicks sand in people's faces! Crowley: THE GREAT BEAST!!! DO AS THOU WILLT!!!!

Lovecraft: The big bully! I'll get even some day! Greene: oh don't let it bother you, little boy Greene: i'll fix you up a nice big meal, put some meat on those bones Lovecraft: and that'll help me build muscle? Greene: [sweats] um muscle? um sure yeah muscle

Poe: howard, you need to stop letting aleister pick on you Lovecraft: but he's twice my size! he's all buff cuz of all the mountain climbing! Poe: you could start working out? Lovecraft: you mean physical labor? Lovecraft: sport?! Lovecraft: [sweats] like a common cornishman?!?

Poe: you should try it Poe: a good regimen of rowing and swimming helped me build mass Barker: oh come on edgar Poe: no really! Poe: [removes shirt, revealing he is super swole] Barker: Barker: oh right Barker: right i forgot about that

Mary Shelley: listen up nerd you don't need exercise Shelley: what you need is one of these [flips switchblade] Poe: oh come on mary, what if he gets attacked when he doesn't have knife on him? Shelley: dunno, that's never come up

Shelley: next time aleister gives you shit, you give him one of these [pantomimes shivving] Poe: mary, violence never solved anything Shelley: it does if you're good at it Poe: Barker: ah ha ha she's got you there edgar

Lovecraft: Darn it! I'm sick and tired of being a scarecrow! William Hope Hodgson says he can give me a real body. all right! i'll gamble a stamp and get his free book Lovecraft: i'll just not eat this week to afford the stamp

William Hope Hodgson: are you "fed up" with seeing the huskies walk off with the best of everything? Hodgson: sick and tired of being soft, frail, skinny or flabby? Hodgson: i know because i myself was once a puny 97 pound "runt" Hodgson: today, I am two separate gorillas

Hodgson: give me 5 weeks and my body building plan will turn YOU into the bronzed adonis you were meant to be Hodgson: through a dynamic combination of cardiovascular training, lifting big kegs, and standing in the desert while getting your balls tanned by an ultraviolet machine

Lovecraft: wow, how's you get so buff?? Hodgson: from constant brawling during my navy days Lovecraft: w-wait Lovecraft: you're a sailor?? Hodgson: yeah you should know from my popular lecture series about how much the navy fuckin sucks ass Lovecraft: [sweats]

Hodgson: ugh, i tell you Hodgson: it's just impossible to pay the bills with pseudoscience fitness programs catering to mens' insecurities Hodgson: i'm gonna pivot to weird fiction instead Hodgson: that's where the big money is

Hodgson: what if a bunch of pig men attacked a big house Smith: [on phone] hey clark ashton? it's me! your cousin! marvin smith! Smith: you know that new horror genre you're been looking for? Smith: well, listen to this! [aims phone at hodgson]

[hemmohoran]

It’s Beginning to look a lot like Christmas—Ashton blurb

So sorry this took so long, had a block, got a case of the Christmas blues but here it is! The last of the 12 days of 5sosmas! Thank you all for reading!❤️

“It’s probably not even going to be that bad but because it’s the first storm of the season everyone is freaking out,” Ashton overhears her on the phone talking to her mother. “Yeah so our flight is canceled…I hate this, I’ve never missed Christmas unless I was sick…yeah, I know…Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.”

When he turns the corner into the living room, he finds her hunched over, body wracking as she cries into her hands. Ashton rushes over pulling her into his arms as she cries into his neck. He kisses her head and rubs her back, he has no soothing words because he knows how much she loves Christmas and spending it with her family. It was supposed to be his first Christmas with her family since they started dating.

“I hate this,” she mumbles into his chest.

“I know, baby,” he kisses her head again before she lifts it. She wipes her tears from her cheeks then starts to tell him all about home.

He listens intently even though she’s been talking about it since October. She tells him how she actually misses the cold of the winter and the snow, the tradition of her favorite meal at her grandma’s house on Christmas Eve. Decorating cookies with her mom, having hot chocolate on Christmas morning as they open presents.

For the rest of the week leading up to Christmas he’s heard their song Emotions on repeat nearly everyday, Michael’s voice is permanent in his head. He knows she’s feeling very emotional whenever she listens to that song because she told him it’s the song that explains her feelings when she can’t. She calls it her Big Sad.

At 8:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve eve, he wakes her up gently with a cup of coffee. She blinks at him then glances at the clock on the wall.

“It’s too early.”

“No, come on, we have to eat breakfast and get going,” he kisses her forehead.

“Ash, our flight is canceled, we have nowhere to go.”

“Trust me,” he grins.

After more coaxing, she finally gets out of bed, eats breakfast and gets dressed in warm clothes like he tells her to do. Ashton makes sure Christmas music is playing in his car as he drives to their destination, y/n is quiet as she tries to figure out where they’re going.

“What is this place?” she asks when she steps out of his car staring at a huge wooden lodge.

“It’s not as cold as you’re used to, but it is snow,” Ashton explains grabbing your hand. “We’re going tubing.”

They buy snowpants and boots then get a tag to put on their jackets. y/n’s not sure how you can have snow in California but the familiar crunch of it under her boot is music to her ears as they trudge to the snow tube line. Families are all around and Ashton selects a two seater tube that is yellow. They fall onto it and scoot along up the hill thanks to the mechanism. He takes photo and video of her as they scale the hill to the top.

They cheer and yelp as they go down the slope, she screeches when the tube somehow turns around and they’re going down backwards. When they roll to a stop, they roll over onto the snow in laughter.

“Let’s go again.”

They don’t leave until early afternoon and she’s buzzed from the coolness of the snow and the exhilaration of going down the hills. He picks up lunch from their favorite bistro near home and then he pulls out another surprise.

“What’s in the bags?” she asks finishing a grape from her meal as he comes out with two grocery bags.

“We’re making cookies and decorating them,” he smiles.

The kitchen counter is full of flour, dough, sugar and cookie cutters. Ashton would reprimand her for sneaking some of the dough in her mouth to nibble on but when she holds her finger up to him in offering, he takes a bite.

“Okay, it’s pretty sweet,” he allows but pulls her against him by the waist (making a handprint of flour on her hip as he does) “but not as sweet as you.”

Their kiss tastes like cookies and love, she leaves a remnant of flour on his cheek as well from their kiss but then break away from the sound of the oven going off. Somehow, they ended up making four dozen batches of sugar cookies. They’re decorated as snowmen, mittens, reindeer, Santa hats, penguins, Christmas trees, angels, and some are just decorated in a fun design with sprinkles.

“What are we going to do with all of these?” she asks staring at the assortment spread across the island counter.

“We can give some away as gifts,” he picks up a snowman and chomps off his head. He groans. “We should open up a bakery, we’re good at this.”

They spend the rest of the day watching movies and eating their cookies and sharing a nap cuddled up on the couch.

On Christmas Eve, they packaged some of their cookies and delivered them to their baristas, her nail place, his yoga studio and then finally at a children’s center. The plan was to go to Michael and Crystal’s for their get together and when Ashton and y/n arrived she was surprised at the food menu.

It’s the dinner she would eat with her family.

“Ash called us as soon as your flight was canceled asking if we could have this instead,” Crystal smiles. “Obviously I said yes, I know what it’s like to miss home.”

“You’re all the best,” y/n wipes at her eyes so the tears don’t fall. Ashton ducks his head to give her a kiss on the cheek.

The night is filled with warm food and warm company with plenty of presents to go around. When the night is over y/n and Ashton eat more cookies at home before going to bed.

On Christmas morning, y/n is the first to wake and she rolls over to wake Ashton up in excitement.

“Wake up sleepyhead,” she pokes his cheek in the spot where his dimple would be, “Santa came.”

“That’s gross,” he mumbles cracking a smile as he opens his eyes.

“Ew! Not what I meant,” she laughs but scoots closer to kiss his nose then his lips. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, angel.”

They spend ten minutes laying in bed talking about their families and times they could try and visit them both to make up for the missed holiday. Ashton yawns then pats her butt signifying it’s time to get up and open presents. They make hot cocoa together then sit on the floor in front of the tree. They each got the presents the other one wanted.

“This reminds me of when I was little with wrapping paper all over the floor,” she reminisces, staring at the mess in front of them. “My mom would make cinnamon rolls and I’d play with my new toys until it was time to go to my other grandparents.”

“What was one of your favorite toys?”

“I got a green punch bug for my Barbie, I loved that thing. There was a place for a flower decoration and it came with a can of coke to put in the cup holder.”

“I hope our kids will love the Christmas memories we make for them,” he sighs then lifts himself up from the floor pulling her with him. “Let’s make breakfast. Do you want pancakes or french toast?”

y/n stares after him in shock at the comment he just said about their own kids. He said it so casually as if he was talking about her day at work. It filled her with glee that he thought of stuff like that then joins him in the kitchen. She hugs him from behind, her face buried in his back. Ashton twists around so he can hug her properly.

“Thank you for making this feel like Christmas.”

“Anytime my love.”

You smile at each other and he tilts your chin up a little higher so he can give you a proper kiss.

Taglist: @calumance  @in-superbloom @calpalirwin @karajaynetoday @wiiildflowerrr @sunshineeeluke @littledrummeraussie @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sunshineeashton @ashtonsunflower​ @mymindwide​ @itjustkindahappenedreally @seanna313 @mulletcal @pandaxnienke @celestialams @in-a-world-of-fandoms @blairscott

[bartxnhood]

wanna be yours | l.h

luke hemmings x fem!reader

summary: luke had his eyes on you from the moment you met him so, it killed him when you couldn’t take the hint that he was in love with you.

warnings: two oblivious people in love, my bad writing, mentions of a lot of drinking

a/n: someone asked for jealous and protective luke ??? say no more. feedback is appreciated ! ALSO didn’t exactly turn out how i originally thought but it’s a good start !! enjoy !!

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2023 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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there is a scene in a movie where the lead character and the love interest lock eyes.

they lose sight of everything around them, leaving just each other in focus. you never liked seeing those kinds of movies, thought it was cliche, and never believed in love at first sight. if you're being honest, it was overdone, unrealistic, and plain annoying.

but, it was fate that it would fall on you.

you didn't enjoy parties because there were too many people there, you didn't like drinking, and people were making out all over the place, some of whom were newlyweds and others who were having affairs. you hated being messy, and gatherings were messy. also, you made an effort to limit the number of your friends because you found it uncomfortable to be surrounded by so many people.

but ashton, your best friend, pleaded with you to attend this particular gathering. hours would pass, and just when you thought he had finished pleading, he would resume. so you gave in.

that’s how you found yourself at ashton's house, sitting in your car, staring at your phone, and observing the passing of time. It had been over fifteen minutes since you had first decided whether or not to do this. hearing the faint music emanating from the house, your chest felt constricted. you pushed open the car door and walked over to the home. attempting to summon the guts to enter by standing outside the front door.

when the door opened, there was a strong odor of alcohol, as well as loud music and conversation. while searching among the throng of individuals swaying their bodies against one another to find your friend, you regretted your decision to agree. when you eventually located the man after searching the kitchen, the other person standing by his side immediately caught your eye.

everything around you vanished in an instant, leaving you only able to concentrate on the man with whom you had just locked eyes. wonderfully curled hair, flawless skin, eyes the color of the sea, and just enough of his white silk shirt's buttons were undone to make you flustered. he was stunning. all of a sudden, the room contained only you and him. there was only you and him; nothing else or anyone else was important.

but you were pulled from that thought As ashton grabbed your wrist and said, "cmon!", you were jolted out of your trance-like state. ”i gotta introduce you to everyone!" the australian cheered and dragged you into the kitchen where everyone was standing; all of a sudden, you were the center of attention. you waved to the small group of people while saying, "guys, this is my amazing friend, y/n," feeling a little uncomfortable at the unexpected focus. “y/n, this is calum, michael, crystal, sierra, and luke,” ashton said as he made an introduction.

the small group of individuals exchanged smiles, and you shook hands with each person before approaching luke with a gentle "hello."

wow.

your palm touched his, you prayed he wouldn't notice your flushed cheeks, and you both nodded. he was the most stunningly handsome person you had ever seen, by a long shot. ashton once again grabbed your arm away and dragged you out of the kitchen before you had a chance to continue admiring his attractiveness. while waving the group off, you glanced over your shoulder. You weren't angry with ashton since he knew you'd never tried something like this and that you were making a big step by doing so. he also needed a reason to prove to his buddies that you were real and an important part of his life.

at night's end, you were sitting in ashton's backyard, lounging around the pool, admiring the reflection as lights danced across the water of the pool. even though roughly half of the people left, music continued to play. people said he would always throw the nicest parties, and now you understood why. but you simply weren't made for this situation; you were too uncomfortable and worn out from engaging with everyone for so long. You simply wanted to return home, binge-watch your favorite movie in the coziness of your bed, and eat some frozen pizza.

the word "hey" surprised you and made you flinch just a little. your eyes landed on the person standing above you, holding one cup while concealing the other in his pocket. luke apologized for the quick response, "oh, sorry, i thought you heard me," but you just shook your head. you shrugged and turned to face the swimming pool, saying, "no, it's alright, was just thinking." there was a little period of silence since neither of you knew exactly what to say. you had just recently met. “do you want a drink?” he asked. “oh, no thanks,” you said as you once again looked up at him. “i'm not really a drinker.” the blonde let out a gentle laugh. "but you came a party?" while scratching your forehead, you chuckled alongside him. “well, ashton is a push-“ over. yeah. that he is," luke continued your sentence and you laughed. “i think i’m heading home now, im way too tired to stay much longer”. you got out of the lawn chair facing luke.

his mind began racings, he didn’t want the conversation to end just yet. he had to think of something so he could see you more. “do you need a ride?”

your hands were crossed, and your eyes darted back to his and then to the cup in his grasp. "thanks for the offer, but I just live ten minutes away," you said. he extended his hand to you after giving you a nod and pulling it from his pocket. “it was lovely meeting you, y/n,” “you too, luke”

you had no intention of seeing luke again after that. you had your friend group, ashton had his own, and you happened to be a part of both. you had no intention of ever returning to another party unless you absolutely had to be there; that atmosphere wasn't for you. it was too much for you, and you just wished ashton would be more considerate of your decision. you knew he wanted you around; you'd been best friends since high school, and it was difficult for you both to have separate lives.

but fate had something else in store for you.

it was subtle when you first became aware of his presence. you ran into him a few times in town, which wasn't unusual. but then he'd show up at your job, or he'd find his way into the same restaurant you were in. it was amusing at first because what are the chances you'd keep meeting like this?

so you confronted him one day. “you know, if you keep this up you’ll have to take me out for coffee” you started, putting down the record you pick up. this was one of the many times you had run into luke while running errands. this time, the both of you ended up in a local record store. you heard him chuckle softly before turning to you, “are you asking me out on a date?” he leans against the shelf raising his eyebrow. you shrug, “more like telling you to take me out” he nods, leaning in closer. “i see..then i guess i’ll see you tomorrow?”

you and luke are two opposites but somehow you two hit it off

he drinks while you don’t.

despite your differences, you detested parties, and luke's life was spent drinking; not you. you've never thought that opposites attract. yet it was odd because as time went on, you discovered that you were rather similar. you and luke had a lot in common, and you got along just well. it was never dull or tiring since the two of you could converse for as long as it took, even until the sun rose. you frequently found yourself stranded in ashton's or calum's backyard, relaxing on the chairs after talking until the wee hours of the morning like you were adolescents.

each time the two of you are in close contact, there is tension. You adored the quiet glances you two shared. It was much more enjoyable because it seemed as though the two of you were barred from being together.

It was never meant to go this far. You'd been hanging out with Luke for quite some time. you've been wanting to be with him every other day for at least a few months now, waiting for his texts or calls saying he wanted to hang out or if he found a new restaurant he thinks you'd like. or the way he'd subconsciously hold the small of you back while leading you through a crowded area, or how he'd always go out of his way to make sure you got home safely.

it was never supposed to escalate this quickly.

you found yourself wanting to hang out with him even more, wondering if Luke would be there when ashton asked you to hang out. You started thinking about him all the time.

that's when it started getting more complicated. you knew something between you changed after being with him so long. and although you knew how it changed you, you were too scared to jeopardize anything between you not when it was fresh.

truthfully, you just displayed to him, that you'd always be available. you could say no to anyone who had ever asked you out because of your newfound feelings for luke. but you couldn't tell him that, it was too soon. but even then, you couldn't get the sound of his laugh out of your mind, or the way your name rolled off his tongue like it was meant to be there. you couldn't stop picturing what it would be like to lay in his arms, limbs tangled together as he sang you the sweetest lullaby.

unknown to you, luke made an effort to avoid you in the beginning because he knew he couldn't control himself with you. no matter how hard he tried to hide himself from you or push you away, you always managed to find a way into his head like an addictive substance. as you were the most gorgeous person he had ever seen, he wanted to shield you from all harm and evil in the world and would do whatever it took to ensure that everyone knew the two of you belonged together.

but, did you know that?

you began to watch him from then on, looking for clues that could point you in the right direction. you'd noticed him fiddling with his rings, then grazing over the leg of his jeans or joggers, slipping his hand between you on the couch. his hand would inch across the seat, pausing now and then. then he'd retreat without much thought, preferring to rest his hand on his thigh rather than bother with yours.

nothing would have made you happier than to come across his hand. any action would be preferable to simply waiting for him to take the initiative and pleading with your eyes as if it would help. you contemplated inviting him over, striking up a conversation, or even touching his hand. Instead, you remained silent despite your strong desire to speak but your inability to do so.

you have no idea how or why you began to feel more confident around luke; you were the shy and reserved friend before meeting him, but you changed completely after meeting him. and you knew people would judge you for it, saying things like, "oh, i can't believe you'd changed yourself for a guy!" however, this was not the case. he made you feel something that you couldn't put into words. maybe he inspired you to be someone you've never been before.

you were standing outside ashton's door, picking at your nails, debating whether this was a good idea. you were dressed differently than usual, wearing a tight dress with a large leather jacket over it to try to hide your body.

something like this was extremely unusual for you, and you may have been an idiot to dress like this for a man who probably only thought of you as a friend. but it had to be worth a shot, right?

you let yourself in, the music was blaring and the pungent smell of liquor was all too familiar to you. you pushed through the people and eventually got to ashton’s living room where everyone else was. they all cheered and greeted you.

ashton hugged you first and said a bunch of drunk incoherent words about how happy he was to see you. then you greeted luke with a warm while which he reciprocated. “happy birthday luke” you said, he nodded. “thank you, y/n”.

after the small reunion, the group dissolved. everyone was off doing their own thing. you found yourself standing outside, a cup in your hand filled with whatever you found. the night air was a bit chilly which caused you to curse at yourself mentally for wearing such a short dress.

“you look nice.” luke’s voice rang as he came up behind you. You looked over your shoulder and spotted him. “thanks.” you smiled, and he raised his eyebrow. “you dress up that pretty for me?” he was standing next to you now, his comment and proximity were enough to make you blush. “and what if i did?” you retorted. luke smirked, “i’d be thankful because you look so good in that dress.”

he leaned closer, keeping eye contact with you.

he was so close to you that your heart began to beat quickly. you were attempting to read him while his eyes were staring right through you. there are two possible outcomes here. one of two things will happen: either someone will interrupt you like in a cliché movie, or he has the ideal opportunity to kiss you right now.

he leans in even closer, saying, "i'd even say that you should start dressing like this too, it suits you." you felt the blood rush to your cheeks.

kiss me. please. just do it

you wanted him to make the first move because this moment had the chance to change everything. you didn't want to appear so desperate. luke must have noticed your begging expression because he started leaning in again, this time only a few centimeters from your lips.

oh, god. it’s happening. it’s happen-

“come on man, it's time for you to open your presents!" michael interrupted the situation by shouting from the kitchen. you sighed as you saw luke leave. you could almost sense the disappointment in his eyes as he turned to look at you to check if you were following him.

“okay, and it seems the last one is from….y/n!” michael and calum handed over the large box to luke.

luke unwrapped the box, displaying the guitar case as you watched. he looked perplexed as he tried to imagine what you may have given him. the one guitar he had been dreaming about was waiting for him when he opened the case. "y/n.." He takes the guitar in his hands and places it on his lap.

everyone who was gathered around him suddenly turned to look at you. he is the last one to do so.

"you bought this?" He asks, and you nod while beaming broadly. he had never looked so startled to you. how did you know, exactly? “how…how did you?” he trailed off.

"well, you talked about it for so long, and occasionally i caught you looking it up. so i thought, why not get it for you?“ you responded.

luke stood up and hurried to you after putting the red guitar back in its case. you were engulfed by his arms, spinning you. "im grateful. I have never gotten a present better than that. I promise i’ll treasure it” he smiles, “i know you will luke”.

and for the rest of the night, everything went great. until it didn’t.

"y/n," ashton said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

"hm?" he had a mischievous smile on his face as you dropped your phone to your lap. "have you ever tried playing the drums?" "no?" you shook your head. It came out as a question as if you were asking yourself a question. "why?" he approached you and reached for your wrist. "you're about to!"

ashton was perched on the stool and sat you down on his lap, having handed you his drumsticks and demonstrated how to hold them properly as his hands caressed yours. he explained that he would only have you play a simple beat. he taught you the basics and then let you play a few beats on your own. you didn't notice how close ashton was, how his breath tickled your spine, or how delicately his hand held yours.

you two were laughing because you couldn't play because you had almost no rhythm. "this is exactly why you guys are musicians," you laughed, rising from ashton's lap and returning his sticks. "nah, practice enough and you'll get good enough to join the band," he winked.

luke watched the scene unfold in front of him, how close ashton was, the way he eyed you like you were some kind of prey. his hand was supporting his chin, his elbow was resting on the couch arm, and his jaw was locked. luke began tapping his finger impatiently against his cheek, were you so oblivious? everyone was making moves toward you, and you didn't even look at him? he pushed himself off the sofa and out of the room to get some fresh air. if he was in there any longer he would explode.

he hated the fact that, despite your lack of effort, you had him in your grasp. luke hated how near the guys were to you and how they treated you like they were hunting prey. how did you not notice how they eyed you? how the other boys treated you like some kind of object. especially ashton.

we’re you so oblivious to their advances? did you not see how luke wanted to rip you away from them and keep you all to himself?

did you even notice his attempts to try and win you?

He wanted the world to know how badly he wanted you, how you were his, and that despite his best efforts to deny it, he was falling in love with you. Luke had difficulty accepting it, but he would go to the ends of the earth for you.

“what was that about?” you ask, after watching luke exit the room. calum shrugged, “who knows. it’s luke” he didn’t look at you as he was nose deep in his phone. you looked around the room, everyone seemed not interested. “he probably left because ashton was feeling you up” someone added. you huffed, grabbed your jacket, and walked outside to the patio.

you saw his silhouette and walked up to him. “luke?” he didn’t respond and you walked closer. “lu?” you spoke the nickname you had given him. he finally turned back to look at you.

you saw that look in his eyes, the only look he had when looking at you. “luke, what’s going on? why’d you walk out like that? did i do something wrong?” his back was still turned to you, refusing to look at you. “you just don’t get it, do you?” he still wouldn’t face you. “get what, luke? the fact that you’re ignoring me in front of everyone and leaving me in the dark.” you were feeling frustrated, upset that he wouldn’t even look at you. “god, luke, just look at me!” you grabbed his arm, spinning him around so he’d have to look at you now.

“talk to me.” you pleaded. your eyes begging as you stared into his blue eyes. luke hated it, he hated how you had him in the palm of your hand ready to do anything for you if you’d just say the words. he detested that no matter how hard he tried, it would always be you. “oh, baby,” his hand caressed your cheek. “don’t make me spell it out for you…you know i want you”

“what?” you were only able to mutter, feeling the heat take over your face. maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it just was the fact that he said those words. you opened your mouth to say something but he cut you off. “every fucking day, I wish you were mine- every single goddamned day.”

you removed his hand from your cheek, silently missing his touch. “how was i supposed to know you felt more for me than just a friend, lu?” you saw his brows furrow. “you never explicitly told me, you wanted me..why?” you trailed off, you watched as he tried to come up with an explanation. “you never, ever, use your words like.”

you watched as he examined your face. you were mad but calm. it scared him, we’re you about to reject him? “for someone who writes songs for his job, he would be able to express his feelings freely. i guess not.”

“how did you expect me to decipher the hundred different ways you look in my direction? this isn’t just on me yknow. luke goes quiet, his eyes looking deeper into your eyes than before.

“i thought my actions would say all they needed to” you reply, “i thought you were just acting as a friend? you and all the guys act the same” luke locks his jaw, balling his fits by his side. “they act that way because they want to fuck you y/n.” you look taken aback legging out a scoff.

“so what about you, then?” “what about me?” “are you acting this way because you want to fuck me?” you smirk as luke realizes he backed himself into a corner.

“i—no? that’s not what—fuck.” he runs his hand through his hair. “let me start over. y/n, i’m sorry i wasn’t honest and i’m sorry i didn’t use my words. but i want you more than a friend should and i need to know, do you want me that way too?” you try to hide your smile while you step closer and wrap your arms around his neck. “see now was that so hard?”

he looks down at you, raising his eyebrow. “you didn’t answer the question.” you let the smile take over fully. “luke hemmings i have been tripping over my feet since the day we first met. yes, i very much want you too.”

he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, allowing him to peck your lips. “i was hoping you’d say that”

(and you can predict the end u filthy ppl<3)

[bigmpregnm]

Becoming a Broodfather - Part 2

[Story Collection] | [Part 1] [●] [Part 3]

Ashton stirred in his bed and felt his muscles coming to life as he groaned and stretched his muscular arms. It had been five months since the day he met Tim, and his life had changed forever. As he extended his arms some more, Ashton felt some movement coming mainly from his belly, reminding him that he was not alone anymore, even though there was no one else in the bedroom.

With a broad smile, Ashton looked down, and his hands moved to his large, beach-ball-sized belly, where the babies had started kicking like every morning. He smiled as he remembered the moment three months ago when a doctor announced there were 20 of Tim’s babies growing in his belly. When Ashton met Tim, the young man initially hesitated about becoming a father. However, when he noticed his belly expanding, he realized HIS babies were growing inside him, transforming the hesitation into the purest excitement.

As he leaned forward, as best as he could with his large belly on the way, Ashton caressed his balls, where even more babies moved and turned while soft kicks formed bumps on his scrotum. Ashton was initially afraid of carrying babies in his balls because he thought it would be very uncomfortable. However, as the two babies growing in each of his balls grew and the more they moved, the more he learned to enjoy the feeling of them kicking.

Gently rubbing his belly and his balls, Ashton couldn’t stop smiling and marveling at how much his body had already changed. Even though he was only 5 months along, Ashton’s entire body had blown up in all forms and all directions. His beach-ball-sized belly was the main attraction on his imposing frame, but the rest of his body had also grown thicker due to the pregnancy hormones and Tim’s constant stimulation.

Ashton looked at his meaty pecs and smiled because they had grown so thick that the valley between them was several inches deep already. Then he looked at his arms and flexed his massive bicep for a second, feeling powerful as his arms looked like tree trunks. His shoulders had broadened even more, with bulging deltoids adorning his imposing frame. His legs had also gotten thicker, and even though he didn’t exercise as often as before, carrying his heavier body around had given him strong-looking legs. Ashton’s ass had ballooned up more than he could’ve ever dreamed of, making him feel sexy. Finally, his dick had grown a lot, reaching a foot long already and still growing.

“You are really making me blow up in all directions, and we’re still halfway through the pregnancy.” Ashton smiled as he rubbed his belly and balls, feeling some strong kicks against his palm. “Wow, easy there. You don’t want to hurt Daddy, right?”

Immediately, Ashton heard the door opening, and Tim walked in very slowly, rubbing the sides of his enormous belly. Tim’s body was fully exposed, as always when he was in the house. “Good morning, big guy. How are you feeling today?” Tim asked as he approached Ashton in bed.

“Really full. That’s how I feel, but that’s to be expected when 24 babies grow inside you. But you know better,” Ashton said, still rubbing his belly and balls.

“When you get over 50 babies inside you, we’ll talk about that,” Tim said, patting his enormous belly, making it shake and jiggle. “Now… Time for our first session of the day. I know you must be horny since it’s your first pregnancy, so I come here first to take care of your needs.” Tim slowly crawled up the bed to get beside Ashton.

“I’m horny, but I’m also tired. Maybe… later?” Ashton said, but Tim was already by his side, rubbing their bellies together.

“You know I don’t take no for an answer. I’m giving you the privilege to be my first of the day,” Tim said, firmly pushing his massive belly against Ashton’s.

Ashton had gotten used to being pregnant, and he loved every single second of it, but he was still not that used to some of Tim’s ways and how he managed the house. However, Ashton couldn’t deny he was horny, and he loved when the massively pregnant man fucked him. Ashton slowly turned and got on his knees, with his massive belly firmly pressed against the mattress. He leaned forward against the headboard as he felt Tim positioning behind him, pushing the enormous belly against his back and lining the massive cock with his hole.

Ashton willingly pushed his hips backward and allowed Tim to fit his dick in his hole, moaning and groaning as he felt his hole stretching to accommodate the massive intruder. After five months of this morning routine, Ashton had come to enjoy every time Tim fucked him, which was at least four times a day, but even then, the enormous dick felt as massive as the first time they met. This was one of the things Tim loved the most about Ashton; his hole was always tight around his dick.

While Tim thrust hard into him, Ashton’s belly shook and turned because the babies kicked up a storm. Ashton moaned out loud while Tim’s thick body pounded against his back, making Ashton feel like a truck was hitting him from behind. Tim wasn’t tall, but his bulk was more than enough to make Ashton feel dominated by him. Also, Tim was so forward about fucking him that Ashton couldn’t say no to him, just like the other men in the house.

Once Tim had filled Ashton’s womb with a large cum load, the older man took his dick out of the younger man’s hole and playfully slapped his massive fat ass before crawling down the bed to leave. Ashton heavily panted while he watched Tim leave. Even though he was exhausted and still dazed after a fantastic morning sex session, Ashton smiled when he realized that Tim would come back in a few hours for another session of wild sex.

“Okay, time to say hi to everybody in the house,” Ashton said as he got out of bed and onto his feet. “And maybe have fun with some of them.”

He waddled to his closet with a hand on the small of his back to give his spine some support to hold his belly. Ashton rubbed the side of his belly with his free hand because the babies were still very active. As he caught his breath, Ashton opened the closet and only found jockstraps and skimpy outfits that Tim had for him. He chuckled at the options and finally decided to only wear a bright red jockstrap because it was the most comfortable piece of clothing for his massive ass and also provided enough comfort to his foot-long hard dick.

With the jockstrap on, Ashton walked out of his room, smiling while rubbing his belly. He waddled through the wide halls of a huge house, big enough to house an entire army. Tim’s family could be counted as an army, with his six husbands and their many children. Ashton was still surprised by the large family and the dynamics around the house. The house was divided into two wings: one for the fathers and the other for the whole family. Even though he was happy to be with Tim, he was still getting used to all the dynamics.

Ashton waddled through the father’s wing, soon finding Aaron, one of Tim’s husbands, doing his hair before going to work. Aaron was tall, but not as tall as Ashton, chubby, and his big belly stuck several feet in front of him, full of ten of Tim’s babies. He was Tim’s most fertile husband since he constantly carried no less than ten babies. His body was proof that he had gone through several pregnancies, especially because of his huge fat ass, which jiggled a lot with each step he took.

“Hey, sleeping beauty, I heard you and Tim a few minutes ago,” Aaron said, smiling kindly at Ashton, making him blush. “Don’t blush. You should be feeling more comfortable about this all by now. You’re a big stud in training, so it’s only logical you get to enjoy all of this,” Aaron added as he struggled to pull his pants up to cover his whole ass.

“It’s not that easy. This is all new to me,” Ashton said, frowning and chuckling. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re all cool, and Tim, well, you know how that is, but... I’m still getting used to it,” Ashton said, staring at Aaron struggling with his fat ass.

“You’ll be fine. You’re meant to become a broodfather, just like Tim. Give it some time, and you’ll feel it,” Aaron said, panting after all the struggles with his pants. “I’m running late for work, but these pants won’t help. Do you mind giving me a hand?” Aaron turned around and pushed his hips backward for Ashton to pull the pants higher.

“What? Oh, okay, let me.” Ashton pulled the back of Aaron’s pants up, finally covering the fat ass and loving how it jiggled. “That’s it. You’re good to go.”

“Thanks so much. You’re the sweetest,” Aaron said as Ashton stepped forward to press his bulge against Aaron’s ass. “Hmmm, that’s nice. It brings back some… memories. See you later, big guy. Some of the other guys are in the living room, so go ahead and have some fun,” Aaron added, turning around and kissing Ashton’s cheek.

As Aaron left, Ashton felt his dick throbbing in his jockstrap. Over the last five months, they’d had the chance to fuck a few times because, as Aaron said, he thought Ashton was the sweetest. Ashton couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron’s fat ass bouncing and giggling as Tim’s husband left the house, bringing back some memories of how great it felt around his dick. Ashton smiled and rubbed his dick as he thought about his passionate episodes with Tim’s husbands. 

 Aaron was one of the three of Tim’s husbands who had a job, even though they were hugely pregnant, so Ashton had to wait till the evening to stare at Aaron’s fat ass again and maybe have fun with him. However, there were more men in the house for Ashton to enjoy and stare at.

Ashton continued his slow walk to the living room, taking short breaks when one of the babies kicked him hard. Even though it was somewhat uncomfortable, he had come to appreciate each kick and each movement. Ashton thought about Aaron’s words while walking. They all knew he was meant to become a broodfather, Tim was training him for that, and even though he wasn’t that used to Tim’s ways yet, he couldn’t deny that with each passing day, Ashton felt more comfortable about having a group of men ready to fuck and willing to carry his kids.

“It doesn’t sound bad. Also, I’m bigger and stronger than Tim, so I can handle all of this better,” Ashton whispered, not fully understanding his words and the fact that he was thinking about becoming as dominant as Tim.

When Ashton was near the living room, he found Byron, another of Tim’s husbands, leaning against a wall while gently rubbing his large balls. Byron was always naked and preferred to stay on the father’s wing to avoid wearing clothes. His belly wasn’t huge because he was only carrying one baby in there, but his balls were a different story. Byron carried babies mostly in his balls, currently holding four babies in each ball, totaling 9 babies. It seemed like all the babies were very active because Byron groaned while caressing his balls.

“Hey there, is everything okay?” Ashton asked, approaching and smiling at Byron.

“Hey, big guy. Yeah, everything’s great,” Byron replied, looking up at Ashton with a smile. “These kids won’t stop kicking, and I need to get ready for work.”

“Oh, I know how that feels,” Ashton said, chuckling and patting his own belly.

“Not the same big guy. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘a kick in the balls’?” Byron said, groaning and massaging his shaking balls. “Imagine sixteen kicks in the balls.”

Ashton laughed and stood right before Byron. Ashton was way taller and broader than Byron, but the difference in the size of their balls was outstanding. Ashton leaned forward as best as he could and helped Byron rub his balls. Byron started moaning louder, and the babies slowly settled down. Even when the babies stopped moving, Byron continued moaning as he enjoyed Ashton’s massage.

“See? Now you can go to work,” Ashton said as his hands left Byron’s balls.

“Thanks so much. You’re the sweetest. I owe you one,” Byron said, smiling and getting on his tiptoes to kiss Ashton’s lips.

“You do. And I know how you can pay off your debt,” Ashton said, pushing Byron against the wall to kiss him passionately and somewhat rough. Ashton felt his dick hardening even more in his jockstrap as he thought about fucking Byron right there, but suddenly, he snapped out of his trance and backed off. “Fuck, I got carried away. You need to get ready for work.”

“Yeah, I do, but… that wasn’t bad,” Byron said, surprised and delighted by Ashton’s sudden passionate reaction. “You’re going to be a great broodfather, and… we can continue this talk later,” Byron added, rubbing his belly and smiling at Ashton.

Ashton nodded, and Byron continued his walk to his room to get dressed. Even though Ashton knew Byron would be out of the house for most of the day, he couldn’t wait for him to come back to continue their “talk.” Ashton had fucked Byron a few times, but it was because of mutual attraction. However, Ashton felt different this time. It wasn’t only fun anymore; it was something deeper that made him want to fuck Byron hard and long.

Ashton’s dick was hard in his jockstrap, and when he thought about Aaron and Byron’s ass, it throbbed violently, making the jockstrap’s seams creak. Ashton could barely contain his arousal, which wasn’t unusual because Tim had explained that one of the side effects of the pregnancy was an increased libido. But in this case, Ashton didn’t only feel horny. He had a stronger desire to fuck all the men in the house, which was a new feeling for him. He had been passionate when he had fucked Tim’s husbands, but now the feeling was different.

Ashton entered the living room of the father’s wing with a cocky smile on his face and his dick harder than ever. As soon as he entered, his eyes fell on Carson, another of Tim’s husbands. Carson was as tall as Ashton but not as muscular. He was the CEO of a very successful company. While Byron was always naked, Carson, on the other hand, was the formal man in the house. His closet consisted mostly of formal shirts and dress pants, which hugged his body like a second skin.

Carson was handsome—breathtaking-handsome—while his flawless dark skin and professional attire made him look passionate and intelligent. Carson’s body was thick all over, his ass was bubbly and bulging, and his legs were strong, perfect to carry the weight of his upper body. Carson’s round belly wasn’t enormous, but the twins moving inside him were pretty big due to their tall dad. However, his chest was outstandingly big, full of gallons of milk and three babies on each pectoral.

“Good morning, Mr. Carson,” Ashton said, smiling and making Carson laugh.

“Stop calling me mister,” Carson replied, smiling while he struggled to do the top buttons of his massive shirt. “Good morning, how are you?”

“I’m great. Feeling ready to burst, but I guess I’m far from that,” Ashton said, rubbing the sides of his belly.

“You’re good. At least you don’t have to squeeze your body into these tight clothes,” Carson said, groaning when the buttons continued snapping, unable to contain his enormous pecs.

Ashton stared for a few minutes and marveled at Carson’s body. The tall man was the personification of professionalism, and his frame made him look somewhat dominant, but Ashton knew it was only a facade. Without saying a word, Ashton stepped forward and reached for Carson’s pecs to squeeze them. He knew his pecs were Carson’s weakness and the best way to make the facade fall, the best way to let his submissive side take over.

“Maybe you just need to relax,” Ashton said, grinning and winking at Carson, who started panting heavily. “I mean, look at these pecs; they’re so enormous, and the shirt is so small.”

“Oh please, That feels so good,” Carson replied, closing his eyes and enjoying Ashton’s touch.

Ashton smiled and slid his hands beneath the snug fabric to have access to Carson’s nipples. Ashton could feel the babies kicking against his palm, marveling at Carson’s taut skin. Ashton started caressing Carson’s nipples, and the tall man started moaning in delight. After all these months, Ashton had learned some tricks, and he was sure Carson loved those tricks.

While Carson moaned, Ashton couldn’t stop thinking about fucking the tall CEO, not caring if he was late for work. The louder Carson’s moans grew, the harder Ashton’s dick got. However, Ashton felt dampness around his hands, snapping him out of his trance. Looking down, he noticed Carson’s nipples were leaking milk like open faucets, coating his torso and damping the front of the shirt in a few seconds.

“I think you really needed that,” Ashton said, but Carson was too high to register the words. “And I think you need something else.” Ashton left Carson’s pecs and reached for the tall man’s ass to knead it.

“Yes. Yes. Yes,” Carson couldn’t think clearly as his submissive side took over and made him desire for Ashton to fuck him.

“But not yet… you’re late for work,” Ashton said, not letting his desire take over to make Carson arrive late at his job. He knew he could take Carson right there, but part of him preferred to be considerate. “Sorry about that. I think you’ll need a new shirt.”

Carson smiled as Ashton’s hands left his ass. “Yeah, but no reason to be sorry about it. I have spares at the office. Tim loves to ruin my shirts so I’ve learned to be prepared for it,” Carson said, removing the damped shirt and revealing his massive pecs to a lustful Ashton.

“Sure. See you later,” Ashton said, leaning forward to whisper in Carson’s ear. “We’re not done with this. We’ll continue when you come back,” Ashton said in a somewhat commanding tone that sent shivers down Carson’s spine.

Once Carson left, Ashton couldn’t help but feel great about his encounters with Tim’s husbands so far. He couldn’t swipe off the thought of having all those men available for him. Ashton couldn’t help but feel aroused, thinking about knocking them all up. Somehow, he wanted to have full access to them like Tim did.

“I can get used to this broodfather thing. It’s great,” Ashton said as he started waddling to the kitchen.

...

[centaurianthropology]

Wow, tonight’s 4-Sided Dive was INTENSE.  There were so many character revelations, so many interesting thoughts about the most recent episodes, but I think my favorite recurring theme tonight was getting to see what Ashton actually thinks of so many different things, how wildly different their take is on a situation from anyone else’s, and how that informs their thoughts and actions.  Their thoughts on Laudna being aggressive projection to hide their jealousy over Laudna’s death ("It’s just proof that they love you and they don’t love me” oof) but at the same time being fiercely protective of her so it never has to happen again.  Caring so much about his new friends, but hating it because everything will leave the second he cares (so many of Ashton’s odd gestures of friendship like the breakfast sandwiches seem like an unconscious attempt to buy love because they don’t think they can get it genuinely).  Immediately jumping to the conclusion that the locket on the guard Orym killed was of a dead child, because the only reason anyone would want to kill the gods is because they got a raw deal (harkening back to his earlier discussion of the notion that if the gods are interventionist then they have decreed that some people just don’t get to be winners).  Being more afraid of FCG’s self-sacrificial tendencies than their ability to go killbot on everyone (they’re going to throw themselves into the fire and we’re all going to go after them and burn, essentially).

Just ... wow.  I am so fascinated by what goes on in Ashton’s head, because it’s so different to what I was thinking.  

Folk were saying that Ashton was just Tal getting to play Molly 2.0, when that couldn���t be further from the truth.  Molly embraced life and was a hedonist at heart.  Ashton almost resents living, and is convinced that they both deserve nothing good and are intensely jealous that other people get good things.  They think they deserve someone like Jiana Hexum.  They are both jealous of their friends and love them so much.  There is so much self-loathing packed into Ashton that they keep tightly hidden under a tough exterior.

Ashton isn’t the Molly of this campaign.  Ashton is the Beau of this campaign.

[kindahoping4forever]

Laying Here In Nothing But My Feelings // Luke Hemmings

This fic is 1000% dedicated to @cal-puddies - I had an inexplicable - and rather explicit - Luke breakdown in our chat over the summer and she not only egged me on but when I was done, she was immediately like "fic please." It was essentially a joke between us until Christmas Day (lmao) when she suggested taking my concept for a spin could be a fun way to spend the holiday. And here we are now! Everyone say thank you, Cass! (And also for giving notes and feedback as always and just generally being the best.)

This is the first Luke fic I've managed to finish on my own (Waiting For It Gets So Boring was co-written with Cass!) so please let me know what you think and if you'd like to see more!

Warnings: Boyfriend!Luke, band responsibility disrupting sexy plans (no angst, just sexual frustration and tension). Dirty talk, use of sex toys (solo and partnered), sexting, masturbation, prolonged teasing, lowkey body worship, very brief oral sex (female receiving), very not brief rimming (male receiving). For real, like 2500 words of this is rimming. So. Also I apparently mention Luke's thighs 12 times. I'm fine.

Word Count: 12,575

Masterlist // Ko-Fi linked above

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!

I no longer use a tag list so more than ever, these fics live and die by reblogs! If you enjoy, please consider sharing so it can circulate and be seen by other readers!

“Oh… oh just like that… don’t stop… don’t stop… oh… babe, wait… Ash?”

Luke looks up from between your legs, mouth glistening, breath heavy, eyes shining with hunger and amusement. “Honestly shocking that’s the first time you’ve accidentally called out his name,” he cracks, snorting at his own joke as he dodges the kick you aim at his chest.

“Haha,” you respond dryly, grabbing your phone off the nightstand and holding it out for him to see. “I told you not to send him to voicemail all those times, now he won’t stop calling me.”

“A likely story,” he jokes, reaching for his own phone. He sits on the edge of the bed to text Ashton while you curl up behind him, nipping at his shoulder.

“Tell him you’re busy,” you purr, reaching around to wrap a hand around his cock. You thumb over his slit, spreading the precum around, smiling at the hiss he lets out when you start slowly stroking. “Tell him you’ve had a hard morning and you can’t be bothered until you deal with some pressing matters… like pressing this cock into my ---”

Luke jumps as his phone vibrates in his hand. “Hey, man, what’s going on?” He answers, rushing out his greeting while stilling your hand. You relent and instead peck at the freckles on his neck. “Wha--- I thought that wasn’t due until tomorrow… oh I guess I didn’t see when that email was sent… so like, today tomorrow?”

The sound of this conversation instantly alarms you and you pop your head around to his line of vision to let him know, shaking your head. He grimaces in response, nodding silently as he listens to Ashton’s monologue. 

“Okay… no, of course I’m not too busy, of course I can be there,” he answers, mouthing sorry at the way your jaw drops. “I can be on the freeway in like 10, I’ll text when I’m there.”

He ends the call and frowns at the look of disbelief on your face. “Baby, I’m sorry,” he starts, immediately scurrying around the room, cock still half hard. “We fucked up and that new song’s gotta be mixed, mastered and turned in before midnight tonight, not tomorrow.”

“Oh wow, that’s intense,” you offer with quiet compassion. He disappears into the closet and you chew your lip, trying to swallow down the disappointment you’re feeling. You wonder out loud, “And you guys can’t just send files back and forth like you have before?” 

He emerges, dressed and pulling on his leather jacket. “Ash already called an engineer in so we all should probably be on site,” he explains, sighing as he grabs his jewelry off the dresser. “I’d have loved to hold off, spend a little more time here but the guy’s already on his way, Ash is flipping out, I’m closest to the studio… I just don’t really have a choice.”

“Aww, Lu, that sucks,” you sympathize. He sits on the bed to pull on his shoes and you rest your head on his shoulder, rubbing his back soothingly. “Sucks your day is starting off so chaotic, sucks we gotta spend it apart now. I was really looking forward to spending today in bed with you.”

“Me too, honey. Me too,” he laments, offering you an apologetic kiss. 

The kiss begins sweet but he can’t help deepening it and you eagerly pull him in closer by the lapels of his jacket. “You got ready pretty quick, babe… Think you’ve got a spare few minutes?” You murmur, leaning back on the bed seductively, hoping to woo him back into bed.

Luke’s eyes scan over your form with interest before he shakes his head, as if he’s physically trying to break a spell you’ve cast on him. He lets out a groan of your name that’s part desire, part regret. “Baby, we both know I can’t be trusted to keep it to my ‘spare few minutes’,” he flirts. He pecks your lips again as he eases off the bed. “Promise I’ll make it up to you tonight!”

“You’re assuming I won’t have already worn myself out in your absence,” you tease, fighting a giggle as he stumbles grabbing his backpack, clearly distracted by what you just said.

“Okay, well now that’s all I’m gonna be thinking about all day,” he says with a wink, heading out the door. A beat passes and then his voice calls out from the staircase, “Love you!” 

“Love you,” you respond, slumping against the pillows.

The whirlwind of the past few minutes sinks in as you stare at the ceiling. You tried to react reasonably, obviously you recognize the predicament Luke is in, but you also think you’re allowed to be disappointed. It’s been ages since the two of you spent some quality time together and setting aside today to lay around and just enjoy each other was Luke’s idea in the first place. 

You sprawl out, figuring you might as well appreciate how much more spacious Luke’s bed is than yours; you run your hand longingly across his side of the bed, giving a sad laugh when you knock into the bottle of lube beside his pillow, a lost vestige of a sexy morning abandoned. An idea sparks in your mind and you sit up excitedly, grabbing the bottle and your phone.

*  *  *

Across town, Luke finds a corner table to sit and wait for his order. You were right, he did have a spare few minutes and he decided nothing softens the blow of an unexpected studio day like fresh donuts waiting for everyone. He proudly sends an update text to Ash and is about to polish off the powdered sugar donut he picked up for himself when a notification from you pops up on the screen. 

Glad to see you’re not still upset about his sudden exit, he taps on your name and his smile quickly morphs into a smirk when he sees the photo you’ve sent - a bottle of lube and a box of tissues atop your nightstand, while your hand dips into the middle drawer, “the fun drawer” as it was dubbed when you first started bringing toys over. The accompanying text reads: 

Wonder if something in here can make me feel as good as you would’ve.

He catches his lip between his teeth as he types back: 

Miss your taste so much already, baby… Use the suction vibe, the pink one we took on vacation. I know it’ll make you cum just as hard as my tongue would.

You giggle reading your boyfriend’s message, pleased at having correctly guessed what his selection would be. You laugh again, this time with a bit more of an edge, as you lube up an entirely different vibrator, the thrusting toy he left for you when he was leaving for tour. When the purple silicone looks nice and slick, you hold it out in front of your phone, making sure your hand is wrapped around the widest part of the base, hoping that’ll make him think about it stretching you out.

Luke stares at the box of donuts he just sat on the passenger seat, wondering if he should fasten the seat belt around it to keep it in place. His phone vibrates on the dashboard and a thrill runs through him when he picks it up to see another notification from you. He was hoping he'd hear from you again, maybe get a sexy afterglow pic to thank him for his toy suggestion.

He takes a sip of coffee as he opens your message and immediately sputters it back into the cup, hurrying it back into the cup holder so he can examine the photo. He zooms in, trying to determine if the vibe is covered in lube or you before determining the answer doesn't really matter because now all he's thinking about is how wet you felt against his face this morning, how his beard still vaguely smells like you.

He runs a hand through his hair, flustered, and finally notices you sent a text as well. 

Thanks for the rec but I think I'm more in the mood for this one. Gonna put it on the highest setting and let it absolutely ruin me the way I wanted you to. Would give anything for this to be you. Can’t wait to see you tonight. Miss you, miss your cock too much already.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he mutters to himself as he resumes staring at the picture. He remembers the videos you sent while he was overseas, how relentless the toy’s thrusting motion seemed to be, the way your legs wouldn’t stop shaking by the time you were done with it, how he dreamt of the noises you made for the next three nights. “Coulda been you, dummy,” he chastises himself, deciding that while donuts are great, his time would’ve been better spent making sure you were satisfied before he left. *  *  *

You bite your lip, pressing the tip of the vibe to your entrance, teasing yourself. You briefly entertained the idea of queuing up some porn, maybe lighting a candle or two, but between your interrupted orgasm with Luke and the thrill of sexting him, you’ve accepted you probably won’t need much to get off.

Your phone buzzes nearby and you blindly pat around the bed until you find it. You click the new message, already plotting your saucy response, when suddenly your mind goes completely blank as a picture of Luke’s hand gripping his visibly hard cock through his pants fills your screen. 

Fuck, baby… I should’ve stayed. You should be cumming around my cock instead of that toy… should be babbling to me instead of an empty room… should be making a mess on me instead of my sheets. Fuck. I need you so bad, baby. Don’t know how I’m gonna get through the day.

If you weren’t so horny, you might be embarrassed at the way you’re zooming in to study his picture. God, he looks so hard… if he were here, he’d be acting so desperate already… pressing into you, whispering against your ear how much he wants you, hands roaming your ass, tongue running along your ear, employing all the tricks he knows make you weak. Silently vowing to make him that needy tonight, you sink the vibe into yourself, surprised at how loudly you gasp. No, this isn’t going to take long at all. *  *  *

Luke finally pulls into the studio parking lot, breathing a sigh of relief when he sees that despite his detour and your distraction, he’s still the first to arrive. He reaches into the backseat to grab his Airpods out of his backpack, figuring while he waits he can listen to the most recent mix of the song and make notes on what changes are needed. He’s searching through his files for the right version when he’s startled by the vibration of another message.

He takes a deep breath, cock already stirring in anticipation for what you might say - or show - next. He selects your conversation and is momentarily puzzled when no pictures or texts are added to the thread; he glances up at the top of the screen to make sure he has full service and even closes and reopens the chat before he realizes you’ve sent a voice message. Equal parts curious and confused, he adjusts his earbuds and hits play.

There’s nothing but quiet shuffling at first, enough that Luke begins to wonder if you recorded and sent this message by mistake. He’s about to turn the volume up to make sure he’s not missing anything when he hears an all too familiar sigh and he grips the steering wheel, lightheaded from how fast the sound travels to his cock.

“Luuuuke… babe,” you coo, unmistakably slick noises in the background giving away why you sound so breathy. “That picture you sent… fuck… I can’t stop thinking about you getting so hard just from thinking about me wanting you… are you still that hard, baby? Did you have to drive all the way there with your cock straining against your pants like that? Fuck, Lu, wish I was there, I’d be leaning into your lap so fuckin’ fast… how have I never sucked you off in that car? We’ve gotta do something about that, babe, you’re so fucking sexy when you drive, it always makes me want you.”

By the time you take a breath, Luke’s heart is pounding so loud in his ears, he’s afraid you’re going to get drowned out if he doesn’t pause and take a second to calm down. He exhales loudly and leans back, shell-shocked, head feeling like it might float away if he dares to lift it from the seat’s headrest. 

His mind races to process everything he’s feeling. He’s the dumbest man on the planet, how could he have ever left you this morning, he had no choice but to leave you this morning, but how could he have ever left you this morning? He knows you understand that he’d much rather be there with you, so why are you torturing him like this? He loves you for torturing him like this, he hopes you never stop torturing him like this, he’s ready and willing to die or at the very least cum in his pants from listening to you taunt him like this.

Having accepted his fate, he presses play, closing his eyes so he can properly visualize everything he’s hearing.

“God… want you so bad, babe… was so close when you had to stop… I love when you eat my pussy, I almost came right when you first started… should’ve cum for you while I had the chance, I just didn’t want it to be over so quick,” you ramble. “Didn’t want this to be over too soon either, ‘s why I haven’t turned my toy on yet. Was gonna tease myself more but I had to put it in as soon as I saw that picture… oh, Lu, I wish this was you filling me so bad.”

Luke says a silent prayer of thanks to whatever god blessed him with such a vivid imagination, he can perfectly picture you spread out on the bed, chest heaving as your hand moves between your legs, brow furrowed as you fight yourself to keep yourself from going too fast. He squeezes his eyes shut even harder, almost as if he concentrates enough, he can will himself into the room with you.

“Wanted to be naked with you all day… so many things I wanted to do with you… to you… been thinking about it all week… been wet for it since you woke me up this morning… kissing my neck, pressing your cock against my ass...” 

There’s silence for a beat and then a distinct mechanical whir starts up. You resume speaking but your voice is notably affected - a little more rushed, a little more whiny - and Luke can’t help but press his palm to his crotch, groaning with relief at the brief pressure. 

“...Feels too fuckin’ good, babe, I’m already close… all that’s missing is you telling me how good I feel around your cock… how good I look with your hand squeezing my throat… how good I sound begging you to cum all over -- ”

The sharp sound of someone knocking on the car window startles Luke out of his lustful trance. His eyes shoot open, he sits up so fast he bangs his knee on the steering wheel and for some reason, his panicked mind tells him it’s necessary to yank the Airpods out of his ears and throw them to the side as if they were on fire.

It takes another couple of seconds for him to realize he should see who wanted his attention and he turns to see Ashton doubled over, laughing so hard there’s no sound coming from him. Luke first rolls his eyes and then rolls down the window before commenting plainly, “You scared me.”

“You’re lucky that’s all I did! What are you doing sitting with your eyes closed like that? Napping?” Ash asks, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Anybody could’ve snuck up on you, smashed a window, grabbed your laptop off the backseat. Or that box of donuts you were so excited about.” He peers around Luke, looking for the prized pastries.

“Right, the famed donut snatchers of the San Fernando Valley,” Luke quips, shifting in his seat, hoping the snacks are the only thing Ash is able to ogle from his vantage point. He grabs the pink box, passing it to him through the window. “Here, you go ahead and set up in there, I’ll be just a minute.”

Ashton looks at him suspiciously and Luke impresses himself with how cooly he explains, “You know how many Airpods I’ve lost already, now I’ve gotta stop and find the ones I just threw across the car since you decided to creep up on me like a psycho.”

“Fine,” Ash shrugs, peeking inside the pastry box. He turns to leave, calling over his shoulder, “If you’re not there in five minutes, I’m eating this eclair I know you were saving.”

Luke scowls but moves into action once Ashton disappears around the corner. He scans the car's cabin, giving a satisfied tongue click when he spots the wayward earbuds, one on the passenger seat, one under it.

A sucker for punishment, he fits them in his ears, scrubs to the last 30 seconds of your message and hits play before he can change his mind.

There's ambient noise - a quiet buzz and a steady rhythmic pattern that he eventually determines must be your breath. The buzz becomes louder and louder before stopping entirely; once it dawns on him that the volume increase was due to you pulling the toy from your body to shut it off, his pants are back to feeling as tight as they were before Ashton’s interruption.

“Mmm… well… guess you’ll be coming home to freshly washed sheets tonight,” you laugh breathily, sounding tired but elated. “I needed that. Still need you more, though. Love you so much, Lu, still wish more than anything you were here with me.”

Luke pouts, his heart aching almost as much as his cock. He can picture you, bottom lip swollen from pulling it between your teeth to stifle your moans, hair crazy from the way you run your fingers through it when you’re coming down, eyes slowly closing as you fight through your exhaustion for the sake of pillow talk.

“...We can make up for it tonight. Thinking about that is what’s gonna get me through my day. Maybe now you’ll be thinkin’ about it too,” you continue, satisfied smile evident in your voice. “Hope you have a good day, babe, get some good work done! Hopefully I didn’t make it too hard… well… the work, I mean.” You giggle at your unintended double entendre and with a kissy noise, the message ends.

He shakes his head, wondering if it’s too late to fake an illness so he can get home to you as soon as possible. He hits record on a voice note of his own and debates the topic out loud. 

“...I mean, I guess Ash already knows I’m here - oh yeah, remind me to tell you that story - but also maybe he’d believe it came on suddenly. Had to have looked pretty pale when he saw me since every ounce of blood in my body was in my dick,” he jokes. His voice drops as he continues, “I’m still so hard for you, baby. I can’t stop hearing your noises… your breath… I swear I could feel it on me. Thinking about how good you must have looked cumming like that… how good you must have felt. Jesus… how do you do it? Every day I think it’s the most I’ve ever wanted you but then you do something else and it’s another level of wanting. Want you so fuckin’ bad, baby. I love you and I’ll see you tonight.”

Before he can think better of it, he briskly undoes his zipper, hooks a thumb in the waistband of both his pants and his boxers and takes a quick picture of the stubborn erection you've left him with.

*  *  *

A sly smile crosses your features when you hear the message tone in the distance as you step out of the shower; you hurry through drying off, excited to see your boyfriend’s reaction. You wrap your towel around yourself and shuffle over to the counter where you left your phone.

You feel your eyebrows raise, intrigued by the message preview which reads: “Well, this should be an interesting studio session.” The chat loads and naturally, your eye is immediately drawn to the photo; you chuckle to yourself when you realize you’re instinctively licking your lips at the sight of his neglected cock tenting his pants. He was clearly rushed and at an odd angle so it’s not the best dick pic he’s ever sent, just partial shaft and a lot of his hand trying to hold his underwear out of the way, but simply knowing Luke needed you to see how much your message affected him to the point that he tried to stick his phone down his pants in the studio parking lot has you feeling flushed.

Tearing your eyes away from the picture, you realize he left you a voice message and as soon as you hear the rasp in his voice, how absolutely destroyed he sounds, you place a hand on the counter, steadying yourself. Oh, tonight is gonna be fun.

*  *  *

“You’re not even fuckin’ paying attention, bro,” Calum complains, gesturing at the phone that’s been glued to Luke’s hand since they sat down.

“Am so!” Luke protests, laughing at how juvenile his defense sounded. His eyes scan over the message app just to make sure he hasn’t missed anything and then he sets his phone down. “I’m just waiting on an important message.”

Michael swivels around in his computer chair. “Is it an update on whether or not you’re still the worst? Because I can go ahead and confirm that for you.”

Luke frowns as his friends laugh at his alleged inattention. “We’re gonna double track the pre and take a layer off the first half of the chorus to see if that makes a difference,” he reports, beaming at the surprised faces staring back at him. “It’s almost like I can care about two things at once you asshol-- oh shit…” His bragging is interrupted by the sound of his phone vibrating on the table next to him and he reaches for it, the strings on his guitar plucking atonally as he maneuvers.

“Your important message?” Ashton asks with a knowing smile. Between the delayed response this morning, the curious parking lot exchange and Luke’s generally distracted behavior during this session, Ash feels like he has a basic idea of where his mind is.

“Just a delivery notification,” Luke answers glumly, expression turning sheepish when he sees the look on his bandmate’s face. “The coffee’s on its way though.”

“Oh, sweet!” Ash chirps, holding his hand out for Luke to pass the guitar to him. 

Luke opens his notes app and sits back on the couch, ready to give the latest mix his full scrutiny. It takes half a verse for his mind to wander, remembering how much you loved this song the first time you heard him workshopping it at home. His brain reminds him of the way you curled up in his lap while you waited for him to finish piecing together the vocals and the way he eventually gave up once your mouth attached to his neck. He smiles, thinking about how he had you naked and under him within seconds of carrying you to the couch and how he was able to finish the song while you slept, warmed by a blanket and sated by an orgasm, on his studio sofa. 

It’s a wonderful memory but one that has him switching over to check your chat one more time. He’s not sure if your delayed response is part of your game or if you just got distracted but he’s not too proud to double text, especially when he’s missing you this much.

*  *  *

Petunia barks at your phone chiming on the kitchen counter, the sound interrupting her concentrating on lapping up the water you’d just placed in front of her. You laugh and scratch behind her ears, laughing again when you see Luke’s message.

I can only assume you haven’t responded to my striking dick photography because it sent you into such a horny spiral, you’ve orgasmed yourself into a coma.

You’re grinning from ear to ear as you respond.

Yes, cum coma. Definitely it. Not like I was taking my time, starting my day, letting you possibly get some work done so you could get home to me on time. Definitely the cum coma.

You shake your head as your message goes from “delivered” to “read” instantly and it shows him already typing a response.

Oh I’ll definitely be home on time… there’s literally nothing that could keep me from getting home on time… this song isn’t done in a couple hours, I’ll just leave the band.

You giggle as you flop onto the living room couch.

Bold of you to assume I’m interested in sleeping with an unemployed musician.

We’re called “independent artists,” ya clout chaser.

Petunia was considering climbing up to lay with you but after the howl you let out at that last message, she opts for watching you curiously from her dog bed instead. 

“You can’t let your dad know I think he’s that funny, we’ll never hear the end of it,” you tell her before resuming your conversation.

How are things going? Clearly you’re fully focused and engaged with the project.

Luke snorts quietly, eyes darting around the room to check that the rest of the guys are still preoccupied: Ashton and Michael animatedly debating the volume of a particular synth while Calum stoically listens in, expression indicating he’s either weighing their arguments carefully or not paying attention at all.

Was going great until we listened back and now I can’t stop thinking about you naked on my studio couch.

Luke smiles at how quickly your typing bubbles come up, pleased to know you remember that day as vividly as he does.

Ohhhh… THAT song.

Every time I hear that chorus melody, I think about trying to overlay those vocals while also trying to keep your hands out of my pants.

You were being super sexy with your glasses and your crazy hair and your musical genius… was that not all just a ploy to get me to touch your dick? My bad.

Part of you wants to feel silly for smiling so much your cheeks hurt but it’s never mattered if you’re just trading texts, speaking over the phone or if he’s sitting right next to you - the two of you have always had this easy rapport - loving, teasing, comforting and titillating all at once. It serves you well at home and it’s especially beneficial during times of separation, whether it be for a few hours like today or for weeks when he’s on tour.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you smirk as you read the screen.

Please, we both know I don’t have to work nearly that hard, you were on me the second you came in and saw I didn’t have a guitar on my lap.

You feel your cheeks heating as you type.

You know what I remember? You working with me in your lap, tracing the tattoo on your thigh… feeling you get harder and harder against my hip… the way your cock would jump whenever I’d graze your skin with my nails…

Luke shifts a throw pillow onto his lap, pants getting tighter for what seems like the millionth time today. He really has no one but himself to blame - not just for leaving but for instigating this latest sexting adventure. He just couldn’t help himself, once he gets to thinking about you like this… he just needs you.

You always love playing with that tatt… I love it too… love it even more when you tease it with your tongue.

Your heart speeds up both from the message and from how surprisingly loud your slow but forceful exhale sounds sitting alone in Luke’s living room. It takes a moment for you to decide how to play things but you let out a self-satisfied hum when you finally start constructing your reply.

Yeah… you love the teasing, don’t you? My tongue teasing your body, my words teasing your mind… I’ll bet you love that you’ve been hard all day and haven’t been able to do a thing about it. Love feeling your cock up against your zipper, love feeling the precum trickle onto your boxers, love wondering if anyone has caught onto what you’re up to.

The studio suddenly feels irredeemably warm as Luke reads your message. He casually presses down onto his lap pillow, strategically alleviating some of the pressure between his legs. He has to admit your read on him was pretty spot on, now he just has to decide how far to take things, especially considering that the guys are just about ready and he’ll be expected to contribute soon.

Can’t help it, baby… want you so bad sometimes I want to make it last… even the buildup is worth getting off on with you.

He leans back, mentally congratulating himself on his response when he feels his eyes widen and his cock throb at your reply. 

I’ll be sure to remind you of that when you’re begging me to let you cum tonight.

*  *  *

Luke goes radio silent for the next several hours until you finally get that long awaited “On my way,” accompanied by a potpourri of excited emojis, just to make sure his enthusiasm comes across.

You’re excited too, grinning to yourself as you fly through the house to make sure you’ve taken care of everything for his impending arrival. You already took Petunia out and refilled her bowl, already charged the toys, and as promised, already washed and changed the sheets. You pull your overnight bag onto the bed, looking over the lingerie you brought, undecided on if you should surprise him with a sexy greeting at the door. You eventually land on “sexy underwear but make him work for it,” grabbing the pink band t-shirt he’s been wearing lately to slip on over the set you chose.

As your final task, you set two cold water bottles on each nightstand, giving a little exasperated huff as you pull out your phone to check the traffic again; it feels like he texted you forever ago but you know you’re probably just impatient. You’re pondering which of his bandmates was most likely to stop him on his way out, when you hear the garage opening and you clap your hands together gleefully, springing up to fix your hair in the vanity mirror.

Luke’s calling your name as soon as he opens the front door; you originally planned on playing it cool, letting him come to you, but you can’t deny how thrilled you are that he’s finally home and you race down to him. 

The two of you meet up at the foot of the stairs, huge smiles decorating your faces. You take advantage of being on the step above him, throwing your arms around his neck and burying your face in the stubble you’ve missed feeling all day. He wraps his arms around you with a chuckle, squeezing you tight, letting you be the one to pull away first. You give him a few quick pecks before you notice the sound of crinkling cellophane coming from him and you pull back curiously to see what the source is.

“These are for you,” Luke sing-songs, presenting you with a brightly colored bouquet of assorted flowers. You pout, touched by the gesture and before he gets a chance to elaborate, you pull him down to your lips to show your appreciation.

He murmurs against you, tangling a hand in your hair, leading you into a slow, sensual kiss. You moan as his tongue greets yours and again when his hand travels down to squeeze your ass under the rising hem of your t-shirt. He groans into your mouth when he feels the high cut lace of your underwear, his mind automatically scrolling through his memories of all the ravishing sets you’ve worn for him, wondering what he’ll be stunned by tonight.

“Been thinking about this all day,” he murmurs, holding you tighter, kissing you harder.

“Me too,” you sigh. “Well we know what I’ve been thinking about… what have you been thinking about?”

“For starters, this,” he replies, lifting you off the step and wrapping your legs around his waist. You giggle as he starts to climb the stairs, briefly resuming the makeout before determining he should focus on getting you both to the bedroom safely.

As you pass the hall bathroom, you tap him with your flowers. “We should probably get these in water before we get too distracted.”

He takes the bouquet from you, laying it on the dresser as he enters the bedroom. “They’ll be alright for a little longer.” He carefully sits you on the bed, looking at you hungrily. “You’re all I care about being wet right now.”

You sit up on your knees to kiss him passionately and rid him of his jacket and shirt. You run your hands over his chest, loving the tiny noises he makes as your nails run through his chest hair, tracing along his nipples. You slip your fingers in his waistband, pulling him closer by his pants.

“Been so patient, even while I had my fun with you today… always so patient with me, Lu… love that about you,” you coo, looking up at him alluringly as you palm over the outline of his hardening cock. You keep eye contact as you unfasten his pants and start pulling them down.

It’s a beautiful sight seeing Luke peer down at you, eyes already glassy, mouth already open in awe; his hair is a mess from your fingers running through it, curls hanging over his eyes as he watches you breathlessly. Your stomach drops in anticipation of the moan you know is coming when you dip your head down to mouth at him over his boxer briefs. He doesn’t disappoint, voice both loud and shaky as your lips apply gentle pressure to his cock; you find the tip and pucker your lips more, softly sucking at his shape through the fabric. 

He groans your name in a bid for you to stop, wanting to pace himself. He grips your face in his hand, rings digging into your skin deliciously as he roughly pulls you back up to his mouth, pressing his body to yours as he kisses you, letting his hardness and his tongue work in tandem to let you know how much effect you have on him.

His hand travels down your throat, lingering just long enough to get your blood pumping, before he leans you back so he can grab the hem of your shirt. You help him tug it over your head and he curses under his breath as he takes in the bubblegum pink underwear you picked out. Before you started dating Luke, you never cared much for brightly colored lingerie but with him it feels right: playful and loud while still erotic and intimate, just like the two of you are in bed together.

Luke loves when you dress up for him and you love watching him appreciate all the little details, his eyes poring over the peekaboo sheerness of the lace lining, his fingers reaching out to trace along the geometric caged cutouts above the bra cups, his guitar-worn fingertips an enticing contrast to the smooth satin of the straps. 

“Beautiful, baby,” he whispers reverently, leaning in to place a kiss on each of the tiny bows decorating the set: one on each strap, just below your collarbones, one in the center of your cleavage and one right under the waistband of your panties. He laughs warmly at the gasp that last location elicits from you and he chastely pecks over the front of your underwear a few times before raising back up to grin at you. “This is new, right?”

Nodding, you play with his necklace, somehow feeling both bold and shy under his attentive gaze. “I picked up a couple new things for today, actually… wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to spend all day in bed.”

“Aww, honey,” he pouts, kissing under your jaw until you giggle. “Well I love it… love you… love that you’d think to do that. Looks so good, I almost don’t want to take it off.”

You tease, “Well good, because you don’t get to yet.”

He laughs, surprised but delighted, and you scoot back on the bed; he follows suit, coming to lay with you, quickly kicking off his pants and shoes. The two of you take a moment to enjoy kissing, teasing and enjoying the feeling of each other’s bodies after a long day of wanting. When you can tell he’s getting restless, making more noise against your mouth, hips grinding against you more urgently, you shift him to lay on his back.

“Missed you, Lu… wanna show you how much,” you murmur, sucking at his neck. You feel the vibrations of the contented hum he lets out as you leave a mark on his throat. You pull back to admire your work, boasting, “Mine,” as you rub over the red spot. 

He strokes over your face, thumb soothing at your skin that’s looking raw from rubbing up against his beard. “Didn’t need a hickey to tell you that, honey,” he replies, looking at you lovestruck. You lean into his touch, kissing his palm before moving on to explore more of his body. 

Luke sweetly fingers through your hair as you kiss over his chest, nibbling at his collarbones, massaging over his pecs, tongue flicking over his nipple. You start to show the other side the same treatment and he gives a quiet whine, hips bucking into the air.

“Patience, my love,” you chide while your hand snakes over his stomach to squeeze his still clothed bulge. “Is this where you want me, babe? Think I’d forget about this cock? Haven’t thought about anything else all day.”

He pants, breath hitching as you drag your nails over the curves and ridges pressing up against his boxers. “I’m just… so… so fucking ready for you, baby.”

“Mmm,” is the only reply you give, tugging his underwear off. A giant sigh of relief escapes him as his cock is freed, dropping onto his stomach, precum immediately dripping onto his skin. You sit between his legs, thinking out loud, “As I remember it, you were also pretty fucking ready before you left this morning, so… I think you can hang on a little longer.”

His stunned silence turns to an interested murmur as you move back up, returning your attention to his nipples. Once you’re satisfied with how puffy and perky they look, you gently push his arms up, indicating you want them above his head. Dazed but trusting, he complies, resting his hands against the headboard. 

He moans loudly as you flash a warm smile at him and lilt, “Good boy,” before pressing a wet kiss to the puzzle piece inked on his left side, now exposed for you. You smooch and nibble at his skin before switching over to trace your tongue along the vertical script running down his right side. You love that his tattoos are almost always covered - sometimes it feels like you’re the only other person who knows that they’re there. And you love knowing you’re the only person who gets the privilege of touching them like this, of teasing them until he’s squirming uncontrollably.

“Babyyyyy,” he hisses as you begin to peck over his stomach, causing you to laugh against his skin. You look up at him innocently, smirking because you’re not sure if his complaint is due to the work your mouth is doing or the friction from your body leaning across his. 

"What do you need, handsome?" 

Luke tries to pout but can't hold back a grin as he playfully whines, "You didn't kiss the bird," looking sadly over at the ink adorning his right bicep. 

"Oh, my mistake," you play along, crawling back up to where his arm is resting behind his head. You press your lips to the tip of the hummingbird's beak, following along the outline of the tattoo before filling the inside of it with smooches. "How could I forget? Such a pretty bird on a pretty guy."

Before you can move back down, he holds his wrists up to you expectantly, watching smugly as you take the hint and kiss the tattoos he has there as well. As you pull away, he silently points to his lips and you giggle with delight.

"Luke."

"What?! I missed you! Thought you missed me too," he defends dramatically, joining your laughter as you lean in closer.

You intend to kiss him softly but you're weak to his advances once he starts adding heat to it, one hand on your ass, the other dipping inside your bra to cup your breast, pinching at your hardened nipple. His hand sneaks from your ass to between your legs and he groans when he feels how wet you are.

"Oh honey, c'mere," he advises, trying to move your body up the bed. "Get on my face, let me take care of you."

Shaking your head adamantly, you wriggle out of his hold and start moving back down his body. "You first," you insist. He begins to protest but you reach back up and press a finger to his lips to quiet him. "Had all day to fantasize about playing with you, want us to both take our time and enjoy it." 

He lights up hearing you mention thinking about him again. "All day, huh? Tell me what you thought about, baby."

He breathes deep as your fingers dance down his chest and stomach, followed by a sharp exhale when your touch skips over where his cock is resting, instead opting to stroke his upper thigh. You watch his face change while he decides whether or not to verbalize his disappointment; he eventually calms and you dip down to lightly peck his hip.

“Thought about how much I love your body… how beautiful it is… how responsive,” you trail off, giving his hip a teasing bite, smiling to yourself when he bucks up against you with a loud yelp. You kiss the small indent and continue down. “Thought about noises like that… you know I fucking love how vocal you are when we’re together, Lu. Makes me feel so good to know I make you feel so good.”

You nip and kiss your way down to his thigh tattoo, making sure to give it the affection it deserves, especially in light of the memory you shared earlier about how sensitive he was that day you visited his studio. He gets louder and you muffle a groan against him, knowing he’s thinking the same things you are; you lift yourself up to his lips, needing to kiss him, needing to be in that moment with him. His cock twitches between your bodies and the two of you moan in erotic harmony.

“No one else has ever made me feel like this, you know,” he tells you, gripping your hair to kiss you one more time. “Can’t remember ever wanting something - someone - this bad before. Never thought feeling you everywhere but my cock could feel so good… get me this hard. God, you’re incredible.”

Beaming, you place your forehead on his. “You’re incredible, babe. You’ve been waiting so long and you’re still letting me love on you like this? Haven’t tried to guide me anywhere, haven’t asked for anything… haven’t even tried touching yourself. You know you could’ve, right? I didn’t tell you not to,” you point out.

He shrugs, as if the option never even crossed his mind. “I know that anything you do is gonna feel a million times better than anything I could do for myself just because it’s you, so.”

“Luuuuuu,” you melt, bringing yourself to his lips again.

He laughs, “That being said…I would like to cum sooner than later.”

You snort, giving him a playful shove as you push yourself up. “Oh is that something you were interested in doing tonight? That what all the moaning and writhing is about?”

He gently knees your side as you settle back between his legs. “Bold talk from a lady who was so horny earlier, I’d barely been gone ten minutes before you had to get yourself off.”

Giggling, you pinch his inner thigh and giggle some more when he’s surprisingly into it, giving a half-moaned, half-yelled reaction. “Whatever, man, I wasn’t the one jerkin’ it in the parking lot of my job.”

“Nooooo, that’s the whole point! I didn’t jerk it, that’s why I need to cum now,” he insists, tone still lighthearted but with a slight edge to it.

He’s getting desperate and you smile, appreciating how fun he is like this. “Aww, baby, you’re so right. This poor, poor cock deserves some attention, doesn’t it?”

Luke nods pitifully and holds his breath as you move in to press a single closed mouth kiss to the tip of his cock.

“Baby.”

You look at him with wide eyes, feigning shock that he’s disappointed. “More?” You place another chaste kiss halfway down his length, followed by one right at the base. You feel his cock throb under your lips, excited even from just that small amount of contact, and you almost feel bad when you hear his exasperated sigh as he realizes your game. You look up again, teasing, “Still not enough? Such a needy cock, isn’t it? Don’t know how you survived the day, babe, must’ve been so tough not giving in. Didn’t give it even one little stroke?”

He feels you moving down and when your breath is on his thighs again, he gasps. “N-no… wanted to wait for you,” he sputters, breath uneven as your lips brush across his skin.

“Good boy,” you purr, licking your lips and giving a wet kiss to his balls. You move over a fraction, kissing again, this time letting your tongue poke through your mouth and his body jerks so hard, you’d have sworn he jumped about five feet off the bed. “You like that, handsome?” 

A choked cry answers your question and you move and kiss again, sloppier, letting your tongue swirl and linger on his skin. His response is still intense, so you continue, using the same technique but traveling lower and kissing longer; his moan is sharper, breathier, and you notice his legs are opening wider for you, his ass scooting closer to your face. 

Oh.

You contemplate his reaction before moving in again, placing a firm, wet kiss to the space just under his balls. The way he whines your name is unlike anything you’ve ever heard before and judging by the ache you suddenly feel between your legs, you’re confident it will play a starring role in every masturbatory experience you have from now on.

“Luke?” You sit up to get a good look at him, biting your lip to keep from audibly reacting as you take in the sight of his flushed face, his curls frizzed from sweat and his hands resting at his sides, balled up into fists in a clear effort to keep himself from tending to his cock, much redder, much shinier and much angrier than it was when you last looked at it.

“Yeah?” He answers weakly, as desperate as he’s ever been but too dazed to hide it now.

You consider your words before deciding there’s really no delicate way of putting it. “Do you… um… should I eat your ass?” 

“Jesus Christ,” he breathes, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to focus. “Is that… do you want to?”

“Lu,” you soothe, stroking his thighs. “Babe, you know we always say if there’s something one of us wants to try, we’ll hear each other out. And this seems like something that’s really turning you on and I’m really interested in exploring that if you are.”

He stares at the ceiling for a beat before focusing his gaze on you. ��Yeah… yes. Yes, I- I think I’d like that.”

Breathing deep, he runs his hands through his hair, obviously overwhelmed. Your instinct is to rush up to give him a calming kiss but you fight the urge, wanting to give him space and time to process whatever he’s feeling. Instead, you hug his knee, using your fingers to draw soft circles on his leg, watching as his face softens and after a moment, he looks back down at you.

“You good, babe?”

“Yeah… I just got like, nervous for a second,” he laughs.

“Well that’s okay.” You smile softly, resting your chin on his knee while you talk. “Are you sure you wanna? We don’t have to, you know I’d be more than happy to suck your dick.”

With a naughty grin, he insists, “I mean, I’d be more than happy to have my dick sucked but I do think it’d be fun to try this.”

“Promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind?”

“Of course… and same.”

“Of course.”

Satisfied, you peck each of his knees before spreading them wide again. You dip down, pressing your chest to the bed, popping your own ass to give him a good show. You knead his ass cheeks before gently pushing them apart, pausing to take a steadying breath of your own.

“Love you,” the voice above eagerly offers.

Your head drops to the mattress and you laugh with glee. “Love you too, babe… especially love that you thought to tell me that just as I’m about to lick your ass for the first time.”

He wheezes before deadpanning, “Sounds like the best time to make that known, if you ask me.”

Shaking your head, you start nibbling at his inner thigh again; you suck and nip at his skin, moving closer and closer to unknown territory. When he feels your warm breath between his cheeks, his noises go totally quiet in anticipation of what you’ll do next.

Leaning in, you hold him tightly and lick a long stripe over his entrance; his entire body tenses and he makes the sharpest yet quietest noise you’ve ever heard from him. Just as your brain wonders if that was a good reaction or a bad reaction, he answers your question by rocking his hips up, silently asking for more.

You oblige him, flattening your tongue to cover even more territory, licking slow and wide from his hole back up to his balls and down again. This time, he’s not shy about letting you know how he feels, a few breathy “fuck”s and a shaky “oh god, baby, yes” falling from his lips. You repeat the same route, experimenting with a swirling motion on the way down and the groan it’s met with tells you it was the right decision.

“You like that, babe?” You raise up to check in with him, your question more curious than teasing. “Feeling good?”

Luke’s face is buried in his hands, surprised at how instantly he’s beside himself with want. “It feels fucking amazing,” he reports, voice muffled but clearly wrecked already. 

Looking at his neglected cock, leaking profusely and a deep shade of red, you ask, “Do you want me to jerk you off while I’m ---”

He interrupts, “Jesus, fuck, baby, no!” It takes a beat for him to hear his own reaction and then he giggles at how serious it was. He explains, “I swear to fuck, I will immediately cum all over myself if either one of us touches my dick for even a second.”

“I thought you wanted to cum sooner than later,” you tease.

He props his head up to grin at you. “I like the idea of your tongue in my ass more if I’m honest.”

“The most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me,” you quip, getting back into position. “Also… you said in, so…”

“Oh. I mean… is that… would you?”

You lean in and playfully bite a chunk of cheek. “Honestly, Lu, if it’ll get you to keep making noises like you have been, I’ll do literally anything you want to this sexy ass.” 

He laughs, low and raspy enough to give you chills. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You grab his ass, push his thighs a little higher and dive back in, your tongue flicking wetly over his hole. As you work, the increasing volume of his sighs and the frequency with which he’s bucking into the air gives you confidence and your strokes become firmer, your flutters more teasing. You return to the sensitive skin below his balls, your lips providing gentle pressure before beginning a slight suction, and the prolonged moan he gives in response has you squeezing your legs together, hoping for some pressure of your own.

Emboldened by his feedback, you move down to his rim and apply the same method: pressure followed by suction. Luke can’t stop the whimpers spilling from his lips as yours move over him, breath catching as your tongue starts lapping in time, the sloppily wet sounds permanently etching into his brain. 

He wants to tell you what a good job you're doing, how unbelievable you're making him feel, but it's taking all his concentration not to grind himself back against your face, so all he can think to do is moan. He briefly considers reaching down to thread his hands in your hair and show his appreciation that way but that’d put his hands way too close to his cock and he doesn't trust himself enough not to touch it.

He groans as your grip on his thighs tightens up, trying to get a better angle; your nails dig into his skin as you do your best to keep him steady and he whines, feeling a fresh round of precum run onto his stomach. You press yourself closer, the tip of your tongue up against his opening before cautiously dipping inside. A strained shout escapes him and he claws at the sheets, pushing his ass down to meet your mouth, a tiny “sorry” lost in his throat as you work your tongue inside him and thrust. His head is spinning, he swears he’s never heard himself make the sounds he’s making and when your tongue thrusts into him again, he cries out as his cock twitches involuntarily.

All his noises are going straight to your pussy and you pull back, panting, in desperate need of a break. 

“Luke,” you huff, pecking across his thighs as you lift yourself up to address him. “I’m glad you seem to be enjoying this, babe… I apparently can’t get enough either, I’m absolutely soaked.”

He lifts his head to look at you and you sit up enough for him to see the center of your panties is a much darker shade of pink than it was before. “Holy shit, baby… that’s just from working on me?” You nod, lip between your teeth, and he groans. “God, you’re a fucking dream, you know that? Looking like that, making me feel… fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it… but you’re really, really fucking good at this.”

You grin, basking in his rambled praise. “Well, I’d be lost if I didn’t have such good feedback. All your pretty sounds, the way you keep grinding against my face…”

“Sorry about that,” he chuckles, a hint of shyness in his voice.

“No, Lu, I love knowing I’m making you feel so good. It’s so hot seeing you get so…”

“Slutty?”

You laugh, squeezing his knees affectionately. “I mean, that’s really nothing new, is it?” He giggles, breath slowing as your hands start roaming his legs. Your tone turns teasing, “So slutty… so needy… and yet, still so good for me, huh? Look at that cock! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen it so hard, have you? I’ll bet it’s absolutely aching, isn’t it, baby?”

“Ahhh, uh-huh,” he agrees quietly. He holds his breath as you lean over him, your hands rubbing over his stomach, so close - too close - to where his cock lays.

He gasps as you swirl your finger through some of the precum that’s pooled on his skin, the sensation causing his cock to jump up again.

You moan at the sight, loving that you’ve got him so worked up. Your finger inches closer and he whines helplessly. “You sure you don’t want me to do something about this, babe? Looks like it wouldn’t take much… what do you think? Think I’d be able to get even one stroke in?” You lightly run your nail against his stomach, right next to where his tip is and he lets out what can only be described as a sob. “Think I’d even get my hand around it before you make a mess of us both?” 

You lift your hand as if you’re going to test your theory and he wails your name desperately.

“Good boy,” you coo, backing off, watching the pronounced rise and fall of his chest as he tries to regain composure. You settle back between his legs and check in. “Keep going - yes or no?”

The question has barely left your mouth before he’s rushing out, “Yes, yes, yes, baby.” He slides his hands under his thighs and lifts them up to emphasize his point. “Please.”

Groaning at his eagerness, you feel even more wetness drip onto your lace bottoms. “Let me hear you, baby,” you encourage, softly kissing his cheeks, working your way in. 

You begin a pattern of kitten licks over his entrance that has him instantly moaning. You then teasingly swirl your tongue around - 1, 2, 3, times - and on the final circle you let the tip dart inside him and he lifts his legs even higher, rocking himself towards you, needing more. You duplicate the process but slower, adding in a few extra swirls just to hear his reaction - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 - and your taunting is met with a series of increasingly frantic whines and a few strangled pleas of your name. When you finally flit your tongue inside, the relieved “Oh my fucking god, baby, yes, that” feels a hundred times better than the orgasm you gave yourself earlier.

As you continue, Luke feels like he’s lost control - his hips pumping against you seemingly of their own accord, his voice producing a consistent stream of sounds he doesn’t recognize, his cock springing up with interest yet again. And does he always leak this much precum? Fuck. You squeeze his ass, your hair tickling his cheeks as you wiggle, working your tongue in deeper; he notices a distinct sensation spreading through his body but he’s so overwhelmed he can’t quite place it yet. 

He looks down to see your head moving in a familiar bobbing motion and he has to groan as his mind acknowledges that he’s being blessed with one of his favorite visuals not because you’re sucking him off, but eating his ass.

“So good, baby… so fucking good,” he praises dreamily.

You murmur against him in appreciation, giving his ass another squeeze and he whimpers, that confusing sensation running through him again but more insistent. You’re effectively fucking him with your tongue, digging your nails into his skin, trying to hold on as he fucks back against you, and when your own muffled moans start pouring from your throat, that same mystery sensation returns to his body with such intensity, it demands to be recognized.

Oh. 

It takes up until the second that Luke starts cumming for him to realize that’s what’s happening and it’s not until he feels the first rope of cum hit his chest that he actually believes it. He tries to call your name but all that comes out is the first letter followed by a bunch of unintelligible cries, voice unfamiliar as his body shudders. His cock pulses and throbs mindlessly, spraying his release near and far, coating his entire torso all the way from his belly to his chest. 

The high of this orgasm seems to have no limit, building and building even when it seems like it's beyond time to fall back down to earth. He tries to express this thought but his breath comes out in short, wrecked sobs while his arms shake as he struggles to hold his legs in the air. It’s probably the most exhilarating - and bewildering - thing he’s ever felt and when it finally crescendos, he gives an elongated groan of something resembling your name and lets his limbs drop down as he melts into the bed.

As soon as his legs hit the mattress, you’re racing over to his side. “Luke? Baby. Oh my god,” you fuss. He looks absolutely destroyed - hair disheveled, skin flushed, eyes tightly shut. His breath is steadier than it was but still labored, heaving chest covered in sweat and cum. He’s never looked more beautiful. You speak tenderly, stroking his cheek, “You did so good, Lu, oh my god, that was incredible, baby… are you okay?”

His eyes flutter open, still a bit glazed. He takes a moment before he answers. “Yeah… I… just… whoa.”

“Yeah, definitely whoa,” you laugh quietly, pushing the curls off his forehead. “I’ve never… did you know you could -- “

He shakes his head. “Nope. Never happened before, not even close.” He chuckles in disbelief. “I didn’t even know it was happening until it was happening.” 

You giggle with him. “I felt your body like, pulse and before I even had time to think about it, you were moaning and… oh my god, babe…” You move closer to snuggle him but he holds his hands out to stop you.

“Messy,” he laughs sheepishly, gesturing at his sticky skin.

With a comforting squeeze to his arm, you promise, “One sec,” and hop off the bed, hurrying to the en suite. Luke closes his eyes, the sound of the running faucet serving as the perfect white noise as he lays there, content but exhausted. Several moments later, he feels the bed dip, followed by the pleasant sensation of a warm washcloth moving across his chest.

“Thank you, honey,” he says quietly, reaching out to squeeze your hip. He traces the waistband of your panties admiringly. “Couldn’t let these gorgeous pieces get stained… not yet, anyway.”

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and you snort. “Such a thoughtful lover,” you joke, softly flicking him with the washcloth before tossing it aside.

“Well actually, speaking of which,” he starts, hand moving to rub over the now transparent from arousal patch of your underwear. “What should we do about this?”

“I was actually gonna see if you wanted a snack,” you shrug, patting his now clean skin dry with a new towel. He narrows his eyes skeptically and you explain simply as you pass him his water bottle. “I came this morning.”

“Oh, trust me, I remember,” he smirks, taking the bottle but grabbing your arm to pull you close. He caresses your cheek, continuing, “But you seemed happy - eager even - to have another so I wanna check that you’re not passing it up just because you made me cum my brains out and think now you gotta take care of me.”

You take a thoughtful sip from your water. “I guess I got a little worked up watching you… and talking to you over the course of the day… and looking at the pictures of your dick that you sent me,” you shrug again, a coy smile creeping at the corners of your lips. “I just… that was so intense, babe, are you sure you don’t need anything?”

He opens his arms and you don’t hesitate to accept the invitation, curling up on him, letting him wrap himself around you. “Honestly all I need is to feel my girl laying in my arms… heart racing, hips bucking…” He kisses sweetly over your face, ghosting over your lips before darting down to suck under your jaw instead. He runs his hand over the mark he leaves, tracing his thumb over your mouth. “Little gasps, sweet moans spilling out from these beautiful lips… if that’s something you think you might be interested in.”

Your eyes meet his as you suck his thumb between your lips, biting gently. “Well… if it’ll make you feel better, I guess,” you joke, sighing as you’re pulled into a passionate kiss. 

His fingers toy with the caged straps of your bra and he whispers, “Wanna be naked with me?” You eagerly nod, hissing quietly as he unfastens you; you help him pull the material off and then quickly shimmy out of your bottoms. You shiver under his appreciative gaze as he murmurs, “That’s my good girl,” before capturing your lips again.

The makeout is slow and familiar, a lovely juxtaposition to the frenzied experimentation you’re both still coming down from. His hand makes its way down your body, slipping between your legs and you both groan as he starts stroking through your wet folds. You almost instantly start rocking your hips into his touch - you’ve been waiting to feel his hands on you all day and you’ve been so turned on for so long and your body is so grateful to finally have some relief.

He laughs raspily, “Baby… after all that buildup, don’t you think you deserve more than humping my hand?” You whine as he pulls away and whine again when you see him reaching over into “the fun drawer.” He grabs the first toy he touches and it happens to be the one you used this morning. He clicks the button and it whirs to life, thrusting back and forth enthusiastically, much to his delight. “Look at this bad boy! I’ve always wanted to watch you with this one.”

“Well pay attention because it’s not gonna last long,” you laugh.

After some discussion, he props some pillows up against the headboard and sits back with his legs open for you to lay between. You relax into him, immediately angling your head for a kiss while Luke’s first order of business is getting his hands on your breasts. You tease each other a bit - your teeth tugging his lip, his ringed fingers twirling your nipples - and then he’s nudging you to pick up the vibrator.

“Been thinking about this since I saw that picture,” he admits, watching carefully as you drag the toy down your body.

You run the tip up and down your pussy, getting it nice and wet before lightly circling your clit. “I always wait until the last minute to turn it on… it feels too good,” you explain, teasing your opening and then pulling it away, your hips tilting up in hopes of reconnecting with the toy. “Even just putting it in is too much sometimes because I know how good it’s about to make me feel.” You torment yourself a few more times and then finally let it slip in, sighing loudly as it glides inside you.

“Fuck,” Luke breathes, rubbing your legs soothingly as he stares, slack-jawed.

One hand fits the toy inside you while your other interlaces your fingers with his. “Oh this is gonna be so quick,” you laugh, leaning back to kiss his neck. “You ready?”

"I don't know," he giggles, squeezing your thigh. "Ready to see you come apart, baby."

You keep your gaze trained on his face, your hand using sense memory to locate the power button and turn it on. A deep groan escapes your throat instantly as the shaft of the toy begins vibrating and pumping inside you. You quickly click it down to a low setting and reach to adjust the arm meant to stimulate your clit, your eyes rolling back the moment it lands on the right spot.

"Feels good?" He asks quietly, visibly gulping as you nod and lick your lips. He runs his hands up from your legs, caressing over your hips, your stomach and finally your tits again, where his touch lingers. "As good as this morning?"

Bringing him into a kiss, you sigh, "Better… you're here now." You roll your hips with the slow rhythm of the vibrator, not yet ready to crank it up to your usual setting and have this end. "Don't gotta imagine your hands on my body, your voice in my ear, your breath on me… you're here."

"So glad I'm here, honey," he reassures, kissing your face. You press a button to change the pattern of the vibrations and gasp into his mouth. He groans, wanting to help you along, "Did you pretend it was me fucking you? My cock inside you?"

You confirm breathily, "Oh, Lu, yes… Pretended you were still in bed with me… like the phone never rang… like we just woke up and you were on my neck, telling me how much you wanted me… pretended we were back in that moment and I told you to slip it in like I wished I would’ve… oh god, Lu, c’mere.” You reach for his hand, panting.

The sudden shift of intensity in your tone has Luke breathing as heavy as you, rushing to do as requested. You guide his hand around the bottom of the toy’s shaft, right where it’s peeking out of your body; you watch his jaw drop as you cycle through the settings, landing on the rhythm and speed that always leaves you seeing stars.

He looks at you wide-eyed. “No way,” he laughs, feeling the strong buzz and rapid thrusts. “Baby, this is gonna launch you into space.”

“Counting on it,” you giggle, turning it back down while you move his hand to the base of the toy and adjust his hold so it’s at the angle you need. As soon as he’s in position, you turn the power back up and let out a pronounced moan.

“That’s it, lemme hear those beautiful sounds, honey,” he encourages, his free hand gripping your breast tight, hoping to both get you off and steady you.

The whines only get louder as your back arches into his touch and your hips stutter, your body too stimulated to follow along with the vibe's movements. It drives into you over and over at that delicious angle and you bury your face into Luke's neck, muffling a cry as you feel your climax start to light up every single cell in your body. 

The pleasure rushes through you, the chemicals flood your system and most importantly, your boyfriend’s arms tighten around you. The orgasm is great - fantastic even - but feeling this good while being this close to him is what makes all the waiting, all the teasing, all the frustration of the day worth it.

“Oh, that’s it, baby… what a good girl… look so unbelievable when you cum for me,” he encourages as you huff and shake in his embrace. A few seconds later, your body settles and your breathing quiets but a small whimper remains and he knows that means you’re done with the vibrator. He shuts it off and carefully pulls it out, soothing in a soft voice, “I know, baby, that was so much… it’s alright, I’ve got you.”

He gently eases you onto your pillow, freeing up his arm to grab the tissue box off the nightstand. You pout and make grabby hands at him as he stops to wipe down your toy; he grins, pecking your lips before starting to clean you up as well. Neither of you have much to say, content with simply trading soft smiles and softer touches. 

Luke lays his head on your chest, gazing up lovingly at you, and you tangle your fingers in his curls, loving the way his eyelashes flutter as you comb through his hair. You take the moment in until something occurs to you. “Hey, babe, I don’t think I ever actually thanked you for those flowers? They’re gorgeous… that was really sweet of you.”

“Aww, honey, I’m glad you liked them!” He beams proudly. His expression briefly falters but he shakes it off and continues, “I wanted to kind of acknowledge and apologize for this morning… I promised this would be our day and I should’ve taken a minute to find a compromise instead of just taking off like it was nothing.”

“Luuuuuke,” you whine, stroking his cheek softly. “I know I complained at first but you know I understand the band comes first - it’s your job and it’s important. You’ve got a lot of people counting on you.”

He shrugs. “I had you counting on me and you’re someone I don’t ever wanna disappoint. I should’ve asked if you wanted to come have lunch or something. I don’t know where my head was at.”

“Well, babe, I appreciate the apology but I still had a pretty fun day,” you reassure him, smirk curling the edges of your mouth.

“Is that so? I never would’ve guessed,” he jokes, pushing up to kiss you. “Glad to hear you had a good day, though… spent most of mine worrying I’d ruined it.”

You giggle, “Babe, I’m pretty sure the only thing that got well and truly ruined today was you.”

He laughs with you, a faint blush spreading over his skin. “So best case scenario then,” he cracks, pressing another kiss on your lips.

He sits up, sipping his water, passing yours over when you prop yourself up next to him. You suddenly remember to ask, “Hey, how was the studio, by the way? How’d our song turn out?”

Luke grins. “Oh, is it our song?”

With a naughty smile, you explain. “I don’t know about you but I doubt I’ll be able to think about anything besides tonight when I hear it.”

“Well… tonight and the night I wrote it.”

“See.”

“You’re right, it’s definitely our song,” he giggles, squeezing your knee. “I really like what it’s turning into, I think it’s almost where it needs to be.”

Your brow scrunches, confused. “Almost? Wasn’t it due today?”

“Oh!” He laughs, shaking his head. “The deadline actually got extended.”

“What?!”

“Mmm hmm, some kind of server maintenance - the label apparently can’t handle any incoming files for a day or two. So we all decided we should use that time and really get it right.”

You’re quiet for a moment before offering a simple, “Interesting.”

Luke can tell you’re calculating if this will affect your time together again and he slinks his arm around you, leaning your head on his shoulder. “It doesn’t need nearly as much work as it did today though, so hopefully it won’t take up too much of the day.” 

“Yeah, hopefully.”

With a smile, he adds, “But just in case, I’m thinking my phone’s gonna accidentally die overnight, what about yours?”

——————————————— Thank you for reading!

[utilitycaster]

Just caught up with the latest cr episode and wow. You’ve mentioned previously that you would like to see more conflict in Laudna and Imogen’s relationship, and i wholeheartedly agree. Which is why I’m obsessed with the fact that Imogen was the only who saw the repercussions of Laudna absorbing the dagger.

Having seen this, Imogen will not be able make excuses for Laudna’s behaviour in this instance. Whatever benefit of doubt Imogen may have desperately wanted to give Laudna was destroyed when Delilah showed up. Imogen can’t lie to herself about the fact that Laudna DID want the sword to feed Delilah. Laudna attacked a member of the party and even took precautions like casting magical darkness, so as to not be caught. I also feel like it’s important to highlight that while Laudna was manipulated by Delilah, she acted with FULL agency, she wasn’t possessed or anything of the sort. Laudna CHOSE to steal the sword for Delilah’s benefit and Imogen will have to grapple with that information.

It’s going to be so fun to see if Imogen keeps Delilah’s increased presence a secret from the party, OR how she will go about sharing this information if she chooses to do so. Because technically not saying anything is not only deeply irresponsible but could also be deadly, especially given their impending venture into Aeor.

Great points, and I agree entirely.

The thing about Imogen is that, as I've mentioned before, she in particular sees concealing information to be bad and deceptive, to the point that she specifically took off the circlet of the hidden eye after Ashton's shard absorption incident. Of all the things Imogen has said that are insensitive or hurtful, none have struck me as malicious; they've all struck me as coming from a person who, due to uncontrolled psychic powers in early adulthood, has a particularly intense and hypersensitive idea of the concept of white lies or lies of omission. Even when she accuses Laudna of lying in episode 89 it's interesting because I wouldn't personally phrased it as such - I'd say "why didn't you tell me," or "why didn't you say something," not "why did you lie."

Imogen takes lying to one's full allies pretty deathly seriously, and so I don't think she's going to feel okay lying even to protect someone she loves. Imogen also hates Delilah and has repeatedly said so. She's tried to love Laudna around Delilah, but I think as you say this makes it clear that is not possible: Delilah isn't going away without intervention, and her grip on Laudna is getting worse. She can't pretend anymore, and, to her credit, I don't think she will try.

[bloodhoundluke]

secrets?

pairing: luke hemmings x f!reader (fc: claudia tihan)

a/n: hello dear people! 🎀 i haven't had the time to write basically anything, so here is another instagram blurb. i love doing these, it's so fun! in this blurb, y/n is a songwriter and she is assigned to have a songwriting trip with 5sos. the fans start to speculate if luke and y/n are dating. later, luke and y/n decide to go on a vacation together. ( Y/S/N stands for your ship name).

yourinstagram

Liked by lukehemmings, 5sos and 51,054 others

yourinstagram Song camp and late night hours

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lrhcurls97 Are they dating??? Luke what are you doing there???? Who is this girl????

cakelm1_ OMG GUYS! Michael commented 'So there the blondie still is...' and deleted it right after?? 😳

yourinstagram

Liked by lukehemmings, michaelclifford and 39,214 others

yourinstagram Mama loves u (and MISSES U)

View all 949 comments

michaelclifford Still can't get over Moose's reaction to him lol

yourinstagram Omg it was hilarious!

yourbestfriend I can tell he misses you too...he's been cryin' a lot since you left 🥺

yourinstagram Stooop 😭😭

lukehemmings Cute 🐕

lrhcurls97 LUCAS????

yourinstagram

Liked by lukehemmings, 5sos and 49,201 others

yourinstagram Thanks for this opportunity fellas. Calum, Michael, Ashton and Luke, I loved working with you guys. You taught me so much. The passion you have for this job is admirable. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Ps. And thanks for the occasional secret selfies you took with my phone.

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5sos Thank you Y/N for working with us, you are so talented. We were a bit of a pain in the ass sometimes, but you tolerated it well. Love you! ❤️

calumhood Thank you Y/N, you're a literal sunshine!

yourinstagram

Liked by lukehemmings, yourbestfriend and 40, 693 others

yourinstagram This vacay got me glowin'

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5saucymalum LUKE LIKED!!

yourbestfriend ILYYY BUBS 🥺 happiness looks gorgeous on you <3

5sos.updates

Liked by loveroflukey, lrhupdates and 1,894 others

5sos.updates Luke posted this on his Instagram with the text 'Love the view' and deleted it right after. It's speculated that the girl in the picture is the songwriter 5sos worked with a while ago.

View all 194 comments

lukeswildflower ALERT ALERT!! LUKE HAS A FINSTA GUYS

cashtonscherry LUKE???!!

loveroflukey i really hope she makes him happy ❤️

lukehemmings

Liked by yourbestfriend, 5sos and 706, 586 others

lukehemmings I heard vacation photo dumps are cool. The word itself is horrible.

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michaelclifford You're ridiculous

lukehemmings C'mon man

5sosforlyf OMG THEY ARE ON A VACATION TOGETHER?? Y/N HAS TO BE THERE TOO???

yourinstagram

Liked by lukehemmings, yourbestfriend and 46, 901 others

yourinstagram Hi lovers 🤍 These past two weeks could be described in just three words: reading, sunbathing and eating. I've read so much that you just might call me the next Shakespeare (not really).

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sgfg_1049 IF THEY REALLY ARE TOGETHER, LUKE IS A LUCKY MAN...LIKE WOW...i'm definitely a bisexual.

nitswdefender imagine y/n and luke reading together?? 😭😭

yourbestfriend never knew Shakespeare looked that good 🥵

yourinstagram I love youuu 😭💗💗

ashtonirwin Big love! ☀️❤️

lukehemmings

Liked by yourinstagram, 5sos and 689,024 others

lukehemmings Beer and a pretty view.

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calumhood Enjoy the trip man!

teefsos THE TABLE IS SEATED FOR TWO????

5sos.updates

Liked by 5cashton, lrhupdates and 2,103 others

5sos.updates Luke and Y/N were spotted in Rome, Italy earlier today. Apparently they were in Greece last week and then traveled from Spain to Italy.

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5cashton OMG!!!

vapory_cal I LOVE THEMMMM ❤️

saucymikey FIRST OFFICIAL Y/S/N PIC OH LORD I AM CRYING

yourinstagram

Liked by lukehemmings, ashtonirwin and 48, 183 others

yourinstagram Hi again...���

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lukehemmings Hi 🥰❤️

y/s/n.updates THEY HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING THIS CUTE ASDFGHJKL

glitteryash my Y/S/N heart ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

lukehemmings

Liked by yourbestfriend, 5sos and 789,104 others

lukehemmings Pick the cuter winner.

View all 8,003 comments

yourbestfriend Hmmm lemme think… my bestie

yourinstagram Bby I love u 💘

5sos Definitely not Luke

yourinstagram LMAOOOOOO

lukehemmings HEYYY

a/n: ps. i just wanted to say that i came up with the usernames randomly, so if you identify yourself or something, it wasn’t intentional 🥺 hope u enjoyed this one!

© 2023 bloodhoundluke

[butterflydm]

cr 106 & 107

Glad I rewatched 106, because I really did miss a lot while I feeling a bit under the weather last week, so I missed most of the actual infiltration. The main thing I remembered from last week was going "wow this is really the monsterfucker campaign" after all the flirting at Nana Morri's, lol. It really does amuse me that the entire group is so into Morri and Ira while sending shade in the direction of the gods, who apparently just needed to be more capricious and weirder and less-trustworthy in order to trigger Bells Hells' monsterfucking desires. (did the ending of 107 confirm or refute this feeling? lol)

(side note: I do feel sad for Birdie and Ollie. Given Fearne's upbringing and relative isolation, I understand why she flat-out refuses to feel that Nana Morri is capable of ever doing anything wrong or bad, but man did Birdie and Ollie get screwed over by Nana Morri)

The initial battle was quite exciting but the secondary battle was even more so. I am so glad that Imogen pulled the trigger on that second fight ("I don't want Predathos to be free!") because giving the go-ahead for the Unseelie army to help Ludinus until the Sorrowlord decides it's time to betray Ludinus genuinely would be an actual betrayal of all of the people that they just spoke to in Vasselheim (including Keyleth). I think it was Marisha/Laudna who would pointed out that they would then be responsible for killing all of those people on both sides if they did something like that.

Also: Laudna has disintegrate! Wow!

Bells Hells finally got a sign from a god that was obvious enough that they noticed it, you guys! Big moment! It only took a temple being magically being rebuilt before their eyes. Also, so excited that we're getting more from the Arch Heart here. (and so so excited about our special guest, Abubakar!). They wanted to talk to a god.

Arch Heart is like, okay, no more time for being subtle. We're playing hardball. Also, they're a total prankster, which fits, given that they're the patron of all things fey.

Also Ashton getting this direct refutation of their belief that the gods would immediately smite them if they knew that the gods had found out that they knew the truth.

So two of the gods want to "let go" (leave Exandria, presumably) while the others want to stay. "Try convincing my family to leave their children." They believe that the only way they can get the others to leave is to scare the ever-loving fuck out of them.

Abubakar's Arch Heart remains very very charming. Also I do not trust them, lol. They basically want the same thing as Fearne's daddy, don't they? Just for a different reason.

Their argument is that BH should sacrifice one of their own (Imogen or Fearne) in order to scare the rest of the god family off Exandria so that they can have their family back. Or at least that's how it sounds. "Make sacrifices for the greater good" -- but what is the greater good. That's the question that Bells Hells has to answer here.

Orym being like "idk if I think you actually have that much influence over your siblings" lol.

Also, there are way too many ??? in the Arch Heart's plans for my personal taste, but we'll see what Bells Hells thinks, I guess.

Literally everyone's plan who wants to use Predathos to do anything:

Step 1: Free Predathos

Step 2: ????

Step 3: Profit!

I haven't found any of their arguments convincing, lol.

[immeasurable-depths]

I’m having some feelings about Fearne. Fearne who doesn’t usually worry about consequences, who always wants to do the most chaotic, the most fun option without a second thought. Who in making that choice and going along with Ashton’s secret switching plan, had a front row seat to exactly how dire and catastrophic those consequences can be. And having to immediately deal with them, to be the one to literally hold Ashton together while they break and combust in front of her, to witness first hand someone she deeply cares about getting torn apart because of a choice she helped make. And how it seemed neither of them had fully considered just how wrong it could go - how making the fun, chaotic choice doesn’t always end well.

And then thinking about what would have happened if Fearne hadn’t been the one to help him - if she’d been outside Allura’s force field, if she hadn’t been close enough to cast Aura of Life, Ashton didn’t have a chance. Being both the cause and last desperate hope of salvaging the disaster - thinking about destiny, and being the granddaughter of The Fatestitcher…

What gets me most is this was one of the most honest and vulnerable we’ve seen Fearne (except at certain points with Orym, perhaps) - opening up to Ashton with her doubts about taking the shard herself, bringing up the ‘sister’ comment to find out what it meant. Earlier in the day, we saw this and then saw her run away after expressing that she thinks Ashton is hot - this was a new timidness, a vulnerability we so rarely see with Fearne. And then later, right before they do it, she’s once again open and honest for the first time, expressing her concerns, reconsidering that maybe this isn’t a good idea, that they should stop and think - a forethought we so rarely see with Fearne, she is met with a confusing kiss (the only one you get - what the fuck is up with that, Ashton?!), let’s herself go with it anyway, and it almost immediately blows up in her face.

I just really need them to have a serious chat afterwards. About trust, and vulnerability, and being allowed to change your mind if something doesn’t feel right. Because I think Fearne, sweet, loving, carefree Fearne, is going to feel responsible in some way, and she got a brief glimpse into how awful it could have been. I think this guilt thing that she has only recently discovered is going to eat away and consume her if she doesn’t get the chance to be mad, to be upset, to feel guilt and regret and come out the other side with the support of her friends.

Basically I really want there to be consequences from this. I hope Ashton sees what a horrible situation he put Fearne in (not that it was entirely their fault, but they definitely played a big part in persuading her and then didn’t listen to her concerns) and reckons with that, lets her be mad or angry or whatever that feeling is rather than being arrogant because it worked (entirely thanks to her).

Wow this ended up long! Also please note I say this as someone that didn’t like the choice Ashton made or how he went about it, but I am so here for the giant shift in relationships and group dynamic that should come from it. I just need them to talk about it properly and not just gloss over the trauma it caused Fearne and the rest of the group.