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beauty-and-passion · 6 months ago

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Eurovision 2024: broken promises and one last hope

Hello.

I know this post took a bit longer than usual, but I needed some time to collect my thoughts about this year’s Eurovision.

Yes, I watched it. Why? Because it wouldn’t have been fair to the artists, who took part in this year’s competition. It’s not because of them that the show was so polarized, so they didn’t deserve to be punished for that.

Also, I needed to see how far the EBU would go. I needed to see and I needed to remember. And everyone needs to remember too. Remember this year and remember what happened, when the EBU followed its policy so strictly, it ended up making the most tense show I’ve ever watched.

I will share my thoughts and I will try my best to do it effectively. It won’t be a short post and I apologize, but I tried my best.

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Sweden: was it worth it?

We all had big expectations for this year’s show. There was Petra Mede, everyone’s favorite host. And Sweden is well known for doing great shows. This year should've been great.

The first semifinal starts and we're bombarded by greatest hits of the past. Cool for five minutes, boring after one hour.

I’m disappointed: I expected something better from Sweden, not them recycling something already done in the past. But that’s what they did by sending Loreen back to win again, so I suppose it’s fitting.

Okay, so we have Johnny Logan, Ireland’s three-time winner. Is he singing one of his songs? No, he’s singing Tattoo.

Weird choice. Why call Ireland’s three-time winner to perform a Swedish song? Why call a representative of the nation who won as many times as you and make him sing one of your songs and not one of his?

If I were to think badly, I would think this was Sweden's subtle way to impose its supremacy on Ireland. A sort of: "You're not the best anymore, I reached you and I will surpass you. You will succumb to me". But Sweden would never do something like that, wouldn’t it?

Then we have the second semifinal. And we have a song, which can be resumed as follows: “We know we stole Finland’s victory last year, but instead of admitting there is a problem with the voting system (and the entire system for that matter), we’d much rather prefer to whine, because people have been sooooo mean with us. And yes, we will keep sending the same stuff every time, because it makes us win. At the end of the day, all we want is to keep winning, so shut up and love us.”

I don’t know you, but the line between being self-aware of your flaws and openly admitting all you want is to win (all while insulting the country that almost won last year, by saying that their show would’ve been so stupid ah ah, while ours is so cool, see how cool we are?) is very thin. And even the greatest hosting country of all time can succumb to its own hubris once in a while.

Then we reach the final. Okay, the semifinals' shows were meh and left me with a bitter aftertaste, but hey, that’s the final! It must be awesome!

After two hours, I was looking at the clock, waiting for the entire thing to be over.

Did we really need a thirst song about Martin Österdahl, the most hated EBU Executive Supervisor? Was it really necessary to sexualize this man? Is it because he’s Swedish? Is it because Sweden needs to kiss the ESC’s ass even more? Or is it because the ESC really really wants to make this guy more popular, considering people hate him?

After hinting at them in every possible way for the entire week, in the end we got AI-generated ABBA. Well, shoutout to the real ABBA for not participating in this: last year they said they would’ve not taken part and they didn't. Respect.

Alcazar were the biggest surprise of the entire week, because they are a piece of my childhood and Crying at the Discoteque is still a huge bop. But heaven forbid we having fun for more than five minutes, so they were sent away immediately.

At the end of the day, my question is: was it worth it, Sweden? Was it worth winning seven times, only to celebrate with the most boring show ever?

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I missed Portugal’s show. Yes, the show I called “torture”, because they kept spamming the entire country for days.

You know what? I’d rather watch a country constantly spam its beauties and its culture, than another greatest hit compilation. By god, you’re hosting Eurovision. That's your chance to display your country on the greatest window Europe has to offer. And you use that chance, to repeat over and over “Eurovision good” and talk about it only.

I know Eurovision is good and cool and I love the reminder... but please, give us something more, Sweden. Something you. Listening to a country say: “We don’t have anything else to offer besides Eurovision” does not make me laugh. It makes me sad. It's not that you don't have anything else to offer, Sweden: it's that you don't want to show what else you have to offer.

You have gorgeous natural places (Höga Kusten and Gotland just to name two). You have the second-longest bridge in Europe and it's fucking impressive. Your capital is full of wonderful islands - and I found out there are tours with buses that go both on the ground and in the water. How fucking cool is that?!

Do we want to talk about culture? Your coffee breaks are literally part of your lifestyle and even have a specific name. You have that great concept of lagom which a lot of people should learn too. You are full of beautiful art and funny foods - heck, there is even a Disgusting Food Museum in Malmö! And I didn't find out thanks to Eurovision, but thanks to fucking Tripadvisor.

It's just sad, you know? Don't underestimate yourself so much, Sweden. You have a ton to offer besides this show.

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The Netherlands: victim of paradoxes

Europapa was one of fan’s favorite songs and of course it was: a catchy tune, funny singer, fun and happiness for a song that was both a celebration of Europe and a touching love letter from Joost to his parents.

Of course it got people’s hearts. We all love the story of a character who comes up with a dream and wants to fulfill it. And if we can, we want to make that dream come true.

So just imagine how devastating it was, to find out Joost has been disqualified. I was minding my own business when I found out and I was shocked, so I can’t even imagine how bad his hardcore fans felt.

The first question was, of course, why. What happened? What could’ve done a man who has always wanted to attend Eurovision, to get disqualified? Not warned, not penalized. Disqualified. What did he ever do, to put in jeopardy his lifelong dream like that?

I don't know if we’ll ever find out the whole truth. All we know is that Joost asked a woman to stop filming him, she refused and kept following him, so he made a “threatening gesture” towards the camera, while not touching her.

Which gesture? No idea. Maybe he showed his middle finger, maybe he tried to lower the camera, maybe he said “fuck you and stop filming me”, maybe he tried to hit the camera. I don’t know. But in this case, I would really like to know - and not just what he did, but how the whole thing went.

If this year taught us something, is the importance of context. If Joost Klein tried to punch the camera is one thing and he should be condemned for that. But if Joost Klein tried to punch the camera after being filmed without his permission, because a woman was harassing him and following him, thus breaking the agreement that wanted him to not be filmed after stage… well, that's another thing.

Sure, he shouldn’t have reacted this way. But you can understand by yourself that snapping at someone out of the blue is one thing and snapping because you’re fed up with harassment is another thing.

Did Joost deserve some punishment? Sure. But did the person filming him without consent deserve punishment too? Of course. If you have to apply punishments, you have to do it equally, not with a double standard. So if he was disqualified, that woman should've been removed from her position too. But as far as I know, she wasn't.

Also, why didn't the EBU tell exactly what happened right from the start? Why refer to it as “an incident” and give only vague explanations? Why not mention Joost's disqualification during the Grand Final? Why did people have to find out through social media and the Grand Final happened as if nothing?

That's weird, that's not the behavior of someone who has nothing to hide. What’s the matter, EBU? Why this weird lack of communication? And why not show the footage of the incident and make everything clear? Now you’re respecting Joost’s right to not be filmed? A bit too late for that, isn’t it?

So yes, in a paradoxical turn of events, Joost Klein got his dream denied by the same show he wanted to be part of. The guy with the most European song ever, the one who stuck to the ESC motto “united by music”, the one who celebrated Europe, the one whose childhood dream was to be part of this European show, got disqualified by the same European show.

What can I say? I just hope karma will do its job for him. If he's innocent, he will get good things. If he's in the wrong, he will get his punishment.

In the meantime, you can still support him, stream his songs and check his albums. Here on YouTube you will find basically all of them, since it doesn’t seem he has a YouTube channel (yet).

And if his fans still find everything absurd and unjustifiable, don't worry: if Eurovision 2023 (and all previous ones) taught us something, is that you don’t have to be the winner, to steal people’s hearts. Sometimes, you just need one performance.

And this one stole everyone's heart.

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Also, since apparently paradoxes were not enough, it seems like European flags were banned for being political? European flags during a European show in a European country in the European continent.

Uh?!

EBU, one question: on which continent do you think you’re in? Spoiler: it’s not America.

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EBU’s biggest mistake

Let's talk a bit about the current global situation, shall we? No, you can't escape from it.

So, unless you lived under a rock until now, you know that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has been going on for a long time and that recently it intensified again because of the new Gaza conflict. Israel pretends to not have committed war crimes, the rest of the world tells them to stop committing them, there are protests everywhere and people are ready to jump at each other’s throats to defend one country or the other.

Now, you’re the EBU. You say your show isn’t political. And that’s true: Eurovision isn’t political. Eurovision is a musical competition. It has nothing to do with politics.

But Eurovision takes place on planet Earth. And, as said, the situation on planet Earth is a bit tense right now. So you already know that, if you stick one single finger in this situation, you will get BIG reactions from the public.

So, what do you do, when Israel asks you to participate?

a) You tell Israel, very politely and very professionally, that you appreciate their application, but cannot accept them this year, because the situation is what it is and letting them in would bring chaos and potential dangers into a contest whose main foundation is being safe and non-political.

b) You let Israel in and let Palestine participate too, at least in spirit through people’s voices and decisions to mention it. This way, no one can say you’re taking sides, since you’re letting both sides participate.

c) You let Israel in and censor everything and everyone else, so not only you bring chaos inside your non-political contest, but make it even more political than ever and end up taking sides too.

Guess what EBU chose.

In order to stick to their non-political policy, EBU put blinders on and ignored the rest of the world. In order to let one country in because "Eurovision is non-political, so everyone is allowed to participate", they brought politics into their non-political show.

And no, it's not unexpected: it was obvious that, by letting Israel in, politics would've entered the competition too. This country and politics are bound tightly now, because of the current situation: of course if you let one in, the other will enter too.

And with politics, all the chaos of the current situation found its way in too. And that means EBU literally put in danger:

25 artists and their teams coming from all over Europe

the same Israeli gal and her team

all the tourists coming from all over the world to attend Eurovision

Swedish people who were living their normal lives and were suddenly surrounded by protests and chaos

the protesters who could've been involved in potential clashes

members of the police who also could've been involved in potential clashes

“But hey”, you might say, “nothing bad happened, in the end! You’re being too negative!”

Sure, thankfully nothing bad happened. But the risk was there, it was huge and it's not that "it would've been here anyway": the risk could've been completely avoided, by applying just a bit more human reasoning.

But even after politics found its way into the show, even after that, EBU could've saved the whole thing. If only one human being with a functioning brain said something like: "Okay, politics is in, even if we didn't want to. Now all we can do is let the other side of the conflict speak too, while we stay neutral".

But no, oh no. Mentioning Palestine and ceasefire means politics and our show isn't political. So let's ignore the fact that our decision to follow the policy verbatim led to politics being inside the show and let's keep applying the rules as if nothing: no one should mention politics, so Eric Saade cannot perform with the kefiah, Bambie Thug should remove their messages about ceasefire, Iolanda cannot keep her nails with Palestine's colors (seriously?!) and people's booing should be drowned with anti-booing technology.

You know, it's incredibly fascinating how EBU's stubborn decision to strictly follow the rules not only allowed politics inside the show, but led to the EBU itself taking a political stand, all while censoring every other opposition. EBU's rigid, mechanical application of the policy led to the EBU contradicting the same policy it was oh-so-religiously following. By making sure the show wasn't political, EBU applied censorship and not only made it even more political, but politically oriented towards one side of the conflict.

I don't know who the EBU members are and if they're human beings with functioning brains or just AI-generated bots, but please: stop following the rules like mindless robots and start using human reasoning in your decision-making process. And use common sense too, because if an idiot like me could foresee the consequences, you should've been able to foresee them too.

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Israel: bullying cannot buy you victory

Now, we have Israel in. And the Israeli gal and her team perfectly know that their sole presence will lead to controversy and political stands.

So, if you were in their place, what would have you done?

kept a low profile during the entire competition;

showed at least an ounce of regret for unintentionally putting everyone in danger;

bullied everyone and tried to find any possible chance to beef with the other artists;

Guess what the Israeli team chose.

During the entire competition, these people kept harassing other artists, filming them without consent, calling them names, misgendering them. They kept this arrogant behavior, as if they owned the place and all other countries were just invited to their show.

And if there’s something I hate more than arrogance, is arrogance with a side dish of bullying.

So, to all the people whining because “Martina Satti yawned while Eden was speaking and Joost hid his face”: if that’s bullying, for you, you have a great life and I envy you. I wish I was bullied like that in school. But my bullying was more like… well, calling me names, harassing me and listening/spying what I was doing without my consent.

But apparently harassing the competitors wasn’t enough, so Israel decided to harass the viewers too, by begging for votes. Yes, they begged for votes. Yes, they spammed ads all over YouTube. Yes, I got one too and it was on a Eurovision-unrelated video and it made my blood boil. Yes, they were this desperate. And yes, that’s pathetic.

Also: is this legal? Is this allowed? EBU, are we sure this is part of the rules you follow so strictly? And please, tell me: is harassment also part of those same rules?

But do not worry: in the end, karma found its way. And despite the arrogance, the harassment, the tons of money spent to beg people, none of these means was enough to grant Israel the victory they oh-so-desperately wanted.

On the contrary: in a wonderfully ironic twist, the winner was one of the artists they kept misgendering and harassing. Mmmh, delicious irony, my favorite.

So thank you Israel for wasting money all over YouTube, I hope they were a lot. Thank you to all the people who made a political vote, you really got the spirit of the show, I hope you will never watch it again. Thank you Israeli team for harassing everyone and making an already tense competition even more tense. And, most importantly, thank you EBU for bringing politics in a non-political show: great fucking job, I hope someone will get fired.

And now, let's finally talk about music. Israel's song was nothing special, just the umpteenth bland song I've listened to 200 times already. And we all know it didn't get 300+ votes because everyone was in love with it. People's taste is not so bland and boring. And the final points proved it.

(On a side note, if I were Eden, I would be offended by these votes. At least the people who voted for Loreen last year didn't do it because of Sweden, but because of her talent. This year, I doubt that the people who voted for Eden gave a shit about her talent at all)

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France: I need to make some apologies

Listen, you have to understand: we Italians know that French singers are good. We laugh, we say they’re “so French” and they keep Frenching and everything, but we know they rarely disappoint.

The problem is that France is good at the same things we’re good too. We’re both good at soccer, we’re good with food, wine, fashion. And we’re both good at singing.

So, France, remember: we might make fun of you but my god, your artists are amazing. When Slimane sang that part acapella two meters away from his microphone, I literally got shivers. He is a fucking great singer, his voice is incredible and he deserved more than 7 points.

I know French Frenching, but we should give credit when necessary:

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Estonia, Spain and basically everyone else: two words and more apologies

Estonia 20th and Spain 22nd? Super robbed. The ignominy. The audacity. They served us beautiful Estonian language and a Spanish gal with a soft voice and that's how they got rewarded? They deserve more and better and people are stupid.

Also, I don’t know what kind of beef Greeks have with Marina, but she was good and doesn’t deserve all of this hate. Also because most of the complaints I've heard about make no sense, so… uh?!

Germany: fucking finally, people gave you votes. Thank you for persevering, your song was truly nice and I liked it too.

Armenia: yes, top 10! For great, lively, wonderful Balkan rhythm! You deserve it and your country deserves love and appreciation.

Italy: I’m okay with this result. Angelina’s performance was better, compared to the one in the semi-finals (also, better costume too, the other was too revealing and too much in general). 7th place is fine.

Ireland: I know that’s not a song for everyone and okay, fine, maybe it’s nothing special either… but my god, have you seen the performance they put on? A-ma-zing. It was interesting, captivating and full of details. And the narrative is perfect too: you can see how Bambie slowly befriends the demon and ends up killing it. It was truly enjoyable to watch. So I’m glad it got 6th place, they deserve an even higher position.

Ukraine: please keep slaying, your artists are always so great and they keep proving it every goddamn time. Also, that moment when Ukraine surpassed Israel was delicious: money truly cannot buy you love and support.

The UK: seriously, why are you whining about people not giving you points? The song was okay, but nothing truly special. Still, you got 18th place! What should Norway say, instead? Poor Norway, it has all my sympathy, the song wasn't this bad.

And now, to you all: you know what to do. Follow your favorites, stream their songs, shower them with love. Eurovision is over, but these artists are not disappearing. They are still out there, making beautiful music. Go check on them.

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Croatia: “the audience will come to my concert, not the jury”

Baby Lasagna was a blessing and as Italian, I want to properly apologize for giving it 16 points total only. You deserved 24, shame on us for being stupid morons.

Croatia gave us a beautiful song, from a beautiful artist with a great message and upbeat sounds. And I’m not the only one who thinks this, because the rest of the public agrees with me. Marko gave us pure joy and entertainment in an evening that was mostly sadness, tension and boredom.

And yes, it’s sad he didn’t win… but he knew it, before Switzerland’s points have been announced. Look at his face, during the final voting: as soon as Petra said Switzerland only needed 182 points, he realized he was going to lose. You can see him understanding and accepting it. He knew Switzerland would get these points. I knew. Everybody knew.

So no, this wasn’t like last year: last year, it was a one-on-one game between Finland and Sweden and a tug-of-war between public and jury. This year, we had a lot of favorites. Marko was the favorite, but if Joost wasn’t disqualified, maybe the points would’ve been even more distributed.

But you know what? Marko actually got the best possible result you can get in Eurovision. People adore you, you become a legend and your country doesn’t have to deal with EBU’s bullshit. You get the best of both worlds and it doesn’t cost you a cent.

Also, consider that Marko accepted his 2nd place graciously and maturely, went back home and was welcomed by basically the whole Zagreb (Let3 were there too! Kings supporting a king, very fitting). And in an interview, he said something like “I don’t care about the jury points, because the jury doesn’t come to my concerts”. Which proves he is:

a mood

a king

the truth oracle

everyone’s spirit animal

the winner of the people

the coolest guy ever

So, Croatia: I understand your disappointment, the jury system REALLY needs to change. And no, you won't host Eurovision next year. But consider that you're everyone's favorite country now. And you won't have to deal with whatever shit will happen in 2025! So sit back, relax, may your tourism thrive and your quality of life be high.

And if all of you people really enjoyed Baby Lasagna, please consider he has a YouTube channel and there are two other songs, besides Rim Tim Tagi Dim. One criticizes social media and the influencer system, while the other is a piece of great life advice from the title: “Don't hate yourself, but don't love yourself too much”. Thank you, king, for being so real.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, they’re both huge bops.

Do your magic, people: subscribe to his channel, stream his songs, watch his videos, shower him with love and, most importantly, meow back.

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Switzerland: a contest that can live up to its promise

In the end Switzerland won. And it’s a good victory, you know? You might not like the song, but consider that Nemo sang pop, rap and opera, all while jumping on that rotating platform-thingy and running all over the stage. And they even bent back, while keeping a high note and rotating. I can’t even keep a high note by standing still, let alone by doing all the stuff they did.

Also, this is the first victory for a non-binary person, so great for them. And basically no one knew Nemo before Eurovision, so the show came back to its roots, by giving fame to an unknown artist.

Last but not least, in an ironic turn of events, this victory is the least political thing that happened on that stage. In the most polarized, political show ever, the winner is the quintessential neutral country. Almost poetic, in a way.

And this victory is also a huge slap in the face for the EBU: in the end, it wasn't its rigid adherence to the policy that made the show non-political, it was the jury’s vote. How the tables have turned.

But there is another reason why this victory is good after all and it’s because it’s a hopeful one. The winner isn’t famous, they didn’t harass anyone, they didn’t use money to win, they brought nothing besides their identity, a kind heart and a flag they had to sneak in because of the weird “flag rule” EBU pulled out.

And I would like to remind you that, during their victory speech, Nemo said this:

"I hope this contest can live up to its promise and continue to stand for peace and dignity for every person in this world".

I think it’s a speech that tells everything about this year’s show. This year, the contest didn’t live up to its promise: it put people in unnecessary danger, it brought tension, it made it political. EBU’s strictness led to a lot of consequences, the exact ones it tried so desperately to avoid.

As a result, no one enjoyed their time. I didn't enjoy my time. When Sunday came, I was relieved that the week was finally over and I was able to leave Eurovision behind. I didn't feel an ounce of the usual post-Eurovision nostalgia. I was just glad it was over.

And it's sad and unfair, because Eurovision isn't this. Eurovision is a perfect little window of peace and unity, away from the chaos of the world. For a few hours, three evenings a year, we can leave the real problems behind and focus on silly ones, like which country should win, which should be forever ashamed and which artist will become a legend.

This year, it wasn't like that. This year politics found its way in and wrecked everything. What was supposed to be a silly, funny, lighthearted show became so heavily politically charged, it broke under the weight.

And now that I think about it, Nemo breaking the trophy is the perfect metaphorical representation of this year's competition.

Just like that trophy, Eurovision is something frail and beautiful and mishandling can break it. And oh boy, the EBU truly mishandled it. Even if it was an accident, even if it wasn't done on purpose, the trophy is still broken. The show is broken.

But when asked about their broken trophy, Nemo didn't mourn it: Nemo gave words of hope. Maybe the broken trophy can be repaired. And maybe Eurovision can be repaired too.

How? Well, maybe by starting to learn when and how to apply rules. By using common sense and sensibility. And by checking the world outside too. If we want Eurovision to keep being that small window separated from real world problems, we can't just ignore them: we need to check them and react accordingly.

And if we have to break a rule to guarantee peace and safety, then so be it. One broken rule is not as important as safety and unity.

After all, what makes Eurovision isn't a set of rules: it's the artists, with their talents, their messages, their hopes, their voices, their dreams. They are Eurovision. They are the pull that draws everyone in. They are the reason why people are "united by music". Not because a rule orders them to, not because of the EBU: because of these artists.

Maybe the EBU can start from that. Maybe it can start by looking at the human aspect. Maybe it can start by going out and looking around. And maybe it can learn to take more care of the artists who are the foundation of the show.

And maybe, maybe, they will be able to repair Eurovision too.

See you, hopefully, next year.

#eurovision #eurovision 2024 #esc #esc 2024 #sweden #the netherlands #israel #france #croatia #switzerland #baby lasagna #nemo #the artists are eurovision #I hope people will never forget it #thank god this year is over #time to recover now

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pure-jeff-ward · 6 months ago

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Infinity Con BLISS ! Looking at you Jeff Ward!! :D

Hi dear Jeff Wardians! I also wanted to share my Infinity Con experience with everyone. This was my fifth Con in general (one of them being NYCC!), but this one was genuinely the most chill and best organized one I have been to! When I was in line for the picture with Jeff, I loved that he had Bon Jovi and glam rock music on in the background (although he said he was into Hip Hop also); and I knew he wasn't particularly tall but then again, I'm from the North and men here are around 6.33 or 190m, hehe. So, he looked so dashing in his red sweater and I LOVED his very dark brown, tousled hair, which make his green eyes stand out. I could hear him speaking with people and he was very professional, but also "loud" like the American that he is. Hehe. He said "thank you" to every single person. Such a cutie. When it was my turn, I asked him if he would mind me standing on his other side and he said: Oh yes, of course. Naww. And then the picture was taken, but the photographer checked her camera to see if it was usable and I thought, he would let go immediately after the click, but he kept his arm around me for those 5 seconds more until the photographer nodded her okay that the picture came out usable. And those 5 seconds. Oh boy. How very approachable and sweet of him. He felt soft and smelled absolutely heavenly. Haha. Sorry for the graphics here. Then, there was the autographs. And I must say, each person would have had the time to talk that they needed. Yes, it always feels rushed with the queue/line behind you and I always try to be polite and be quick, because everybody wants a turn. So the guy in front of me had Jeff sign like seven boxes of FunkoPops and Jeff was such a good sport about it and used every pen that the fan handed him etc. I also heard Jeff say to a fan, as I was standing in line, "how can I help, what can I do in whatever way you want" - or similar. Naaw. And when it was my turn, he greeted me and I asked him, if he could write a sentence on my picture and he said: Of course. And I told him what to write and I said: If you remember the lyrics? And he paused and then it hit him and he BEAMED at me and said: Ohhh yeaaah, she is great, isn't she?? (He meant Bat For Lashes, the singer. He was in one of her music videos and I made him write a line from the song on my picture). He told me that his friend directed the video. And after he said the second time: She is such a great artist. I replied: So are you. :) And he looked abashed and said thank you, then I left. <3 What a charming guy. So open and chatty and he asked everyone who came to the table: Hey, how are you? Naaww. And he looked so handsome! I could watch him a bit as he was signing and believe you me, he has a very sharp jawline. And here is something I would like to add. During the Panel someone asked Jeff, if he was feeling better. And told him that a rumor went around that he had been ill and looked it, too, but also looked "fine". I thought that was extremely unnecessary and rude and also a bit dumb to be honest. The way that Jeff replied indicated that he actually had been a bit under the weather, but not ever in a million years, would I speculate on someone's well being, assuming something according to their LOOKS and then saying it to his face! The hell?! I thought he looked absolutely, genuinely healthy and exactly like I imagined he would look like from on screen/pictures. And I felt for him when he tried to ridicule the "you look fine" comment, because that man has humour (!), but it was still unnecessary and I thought he was beautiful. And the Panel was like a 40 minute stand-up comedy show. I think I loved Jeff even more after that, because the energy he had with Taz was so intimate, it was like looking in on an evening they may have had at a bar, joking around. And Jeff had the entire room in stitches! I laughed so hard the entire time. He ripped one joke after the other, he was on fire. Love how quick witted and eloquent he is. Thank you for reading! <3 Oh, and do follow me on Insta, please: bendarkling_fiction

#submission #jeff ward #infinity con #Jeff experiences #jeff fans #taz skylar

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hazz-a-bear · 1 month ago

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so even though i mainly post about seventeen on here, you guys know that one direction is one of the most important things in my life. I've already talked about liam multiple times but I wanted to share what I posted on wattpad here - I have absolutely no one to talk about this irl so I'm projecting a bit.

yesterday morning I woke up around seven like usual, drank my tea and lounged around. and then I remembered my phone had been charging since midnight so I went and took it from under my pillow to a single message from one of my friends. 'what the fuck?' with a screenshot of the google news page attached. obviously wanting to see it myself, I googled 'liam payne' right away and everything came to a fucking stop.

the only thing I remember before fucking disassociating is going to my mom and saying 'liam is dead'

this whole thing might seem a little dramatic to you. if you're not on the same page as the majority right now you might think, 'eh, esa is it that serious?'

yes it is. yes it is. yes it is.

and if you're reading this, you know it as well as me.

i spent the entire day yesterday in my head, just disassociating and replaying everything one direction in my mind like one of those youtube compilations. i couldn't even cry as much as I wanted to. i was so so numb, it was this weird kind of emptiness that made me feel so drained. for almost thirty minutes after i'd seen the news, I was shaking. my entire being was shaking so badly because it was so shocking. i knew that one day we would have to say bye to the boys but never in my entire life had I thought that day would come so soon. I didn't have anyone to talk to about this because none of my friends are one direction fans nor do they want to hear me yap about them.

one direction was always more than just a band for me - I don't have to tell you guys that twice.

i was first introduced to them by one of my closest family friends. back then I was in primary school and she was a teenager. today, she's a working adult and I'm in university. it reminded me of just how much we've grown up alongside them and their music.

'i'm so shocked. i'm trying to process everything' is what she texted me yesterday.

'he's gone' is what a girl I met at a science class four years back tested me.

please check on your friends who you think is affected by this, because it's not easy to be okay with the passing of your childhood. reach out and ask if everyone is okay.

most of the relationships in my life were made because of one direction. I've found a lot of friends because of them and I've also lost a lot of friends because of them. and yesterday I thought about each and every one of them, just hoping they took the news well.

mourning liam isn't just mourning his life and his legacy as an artist - I'm mourning the teenager that's inside of me who was trying so hard to remember their names, the teenager who was learning every single song lyrics, the teenager who watched 'one direction being crackheads' almost every night, the teenager who went to lengths to get the one direction movie copied to a DVD, the teenager who started writing because of the love she had for them, and the teenager who was dedicated to work hard so she could see ot5 live one day.

and just thinking about the fact that we've now lost one-fifth of the boys who gave life to our childhood, our teenage years is heart-shattering.

i know that a lot of you guys are feeling confused about what to do and how you should mourn. i've seen a lot of people hesitating and feeling like he shouldn't be grieved. this was a result of what went down the past two weeks and I get it, I understand the hesitancy and I understand why. but, a man is dead and I believe he should be remembered for the good things he's done and mourned because, at some point in our lives, he was a part of something that meant everything to us.

I also want to mention that nobody should invalidate your feelings and nobody should tell you how to feel at all. you're allowed to mourn him while holding him accountable for the things he did. I'm not going to sugarcoat the fact that he wasn't a good person during the latter part of his life, but it doesn't mean that he deserved to pass away without getting the help and closure he desperately needed. he had his own traumas yet it didn't give him the freedom to continue that cycle of abuse. however, this should not be the topic that should be talked about right now. a mother lost his son, a father lost his son, two sisters lost their brother, four boys lost their brother, a woman lost their partner, another woman lost the father of her child, a seven-year-old boy lost his father. this is not the time for some people to pick up their gut and talk shit about his life. this is not the time nor the place. keep that in mind.

and on an important note, nobody should point fingers at anyone who should be at fault for his death. if it's published as an accident, I'm not believing it as anything else other than an accident. don't be that person who put the blame on maya. she was brave for coming forward with it, as well as the other victims. all she did was give us a view of what went behind the curtains and the cameras, the timing was unfortunate. we simply have no right to point fingers and call out anyone as we know nothing about what truly happened. this isn't what anyone would have wanted, don't do that. what we should do is mourn his passing, stay strong and wish his family and loved ones well. because if we, as fans, are going through this much pain, I can't imagine the pain they're going through at all.

when I saw louis, zayn and harry's post today morning I sobbed for the first time. it suddenly felt too real, I couldn't believe that liam was truly gone. every second up to that moment I read louis' caption, I was trying to convince myself that it was not real. but seeing them - seeing all three of them - remember liam in such a lovely way was like a knife to my heart. we can clearly see that they all love him very much and want him to be remembered as the kind soul he was. so let's remember him as such, the sweet boy who gave most of us a purpose at some point in our lives.

I'm typing this without any direction whatsoever but I hope you guys understand everything I'm saying. never in my entire life did I think I would be writing such a thing.

one direction was what led me to wattpad, I'm not sure if you know this. i found a book about louis and harry which landed me on a strange little orange website. and then, you guys know the rest.

I'm so incredibly thankful for everything one direction has done for me. liam was a part of something I loved more than myself and I'll forever love him for that. I'm so sad that he wasn't able to get the help he needed and redeem himself but I hope he's at peace now. he was so talented and kind but the industry was so cruel to him, the world was cruel to him and I hope, in another life, he'll be able to live up to his happiest moments and cherish them for eternity. i have so much more stuff to say but I'm going to stop here for now because I'm feeling so much in the moment and it's awful.

my heart goes out to liam's family, his friends, bear, everyone he's ever worked with and everyone's who has crossed paths with him. my heart goes out to all of you, all of us who has stood by him for so long. it's valid if you feel confused right now but remember, keep a dead man's name out of your mouth if you don't have good to say about him.

if you see strangers on the internet cursing him out, invalidating what you're feeling - stay out of it. you don't have to waste your energy to prove them wrong, it's the feeling in your heart that matters. if you feel like you need someone to talk to, reach out. just remember that you're not alone and your feelings are valid.

let's all get together and grieve the boy that once gave life to all of us, he should be remembered for everything good he's done.

liam james payne, rest in peace 🤍

#esa.rants #one direction #liam payne #esa.onedirection

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thirtydaysinamonth · 5 months ago

Text

i went to the metro all by myself for the second time. i love being by myself and travelling. i went to a market via metro. for that i needed to switch lines.

but

what i wanted to talk about was the guy i met at the metro. i was riding back home, maybe seven stations to go. by that point id been standing, and losing the empty seat olympics thus far, jostling a bit and trying to steady my feet as a result of the loss.

from the corner of my eye i see a space open up,between two men. i play this game with myself where i challenge myself to sit between two men in the metro. my act of microfeminism to a level id like to call it. i get to manspread, keep a bitch face, and stare back at all the men that stare at me. its the least aggresive thing one can do after being catcalled, gestured the most vulgar things a person can receive while walking on the streets, in my humble opinion.

as i sit down, my knees finally getting rest after having walked around six kilometres, i took out the bottle of water id bought from the streets. i drink the last few sips, and involuntarily make the sounds of my lip smacking followed by an 'aahh'. i smile to myself.

i wouldnt say i was snooping, but the man next to me quite literally had his phone face up, with full brightness, playing a song from an artist i like. he's wearing a shirt and jeans, with the signature bagpack that screams 'i work at another company that has saturated in the IT industry'. he wears frameless glasses, looks to be in his thirties.

i glance over a few times, just to check but also mostly to indicate to the man that i recognise this song. i cant stop smiling. its not often i find a similar taste in music, and even less often on a crowded metro of a city i barely know. id like to believe im a generally sociable person. in the sense that once a day somebdy asks me the direction to a place, instructions to some action. im also never afraid to help them, infact i love it.

i pull out my phone, excited to text my best friend of this news. she urges me to ask the guy and so i do. it goes something liek this

"hey is this xyz artist?"

he painstakingly removes his earphones. i know people get pissed when theyre listening to music and are disturbed. but i didnt care i nthat moment, i felt the need to know and know and know.

"uh, yeah" he gives me a small smile.

"do u usually listen to this genre?"

"yup"

and i know i shouldve backed off there. i nod with a smile and go back to updating my best friend. i tell her how i love people, these mundane things that form daily routines of every person, that makes them so... them. it warms my heart. its the same feeling i feel when i see children, or old people, or friends.

so i open my Spotify and suggest a song to him. he plays it on his phone, bobbing hsibheas up and down. I'm smiling more because I thjnk of how he'd have to pretend to like it even if he doesn't as much. he tells me he likes it and asks for another suggestion. so I put him on another artist.

"what are u doinf currently?"

"I jut graduated school. planning to join college in a month or two. what about u?"

"haha. in just another IT job." he tells me, with this tone of surrender and 'it is what it is". with some sort of uncertain and embarrasing finality in his tone. i see, I tell him.

we go back to listening to our own music. i don't tell him where in from, or where I stay. I know better not to indulge in those details. I don't even know his name and neither does he, mine.

I know I took him by surprise in the beginning. but I think I love tht about people. maybe it's weird or sadistic or creepy. but I love talking to people. I love getting to know someone. mostly. and he seemed harmless enough.

"well, if was nice to meet u!" he tells me before getting off his stop, ten minutes later.

"bye bye, you too!"

sometimes these interactions make my day. I know I initiated contact with this person but every week I get approached by someone or te other. i love seeing people happy. i love seeing people laugh. i think it brings this sort of positivity in my life, that even if I dotn know anything aboutt them, I helped them in this one instant in their lives. maybe theres some sort of selfishness attached to it. but that's okay to me.

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wallpaper-inside-my-heart · 10 months ago

Note

top five favorite songs (or artists/albums, whatever you wanna gush about!)

Oh Lydia.. you have no idea what you have unleashed by asking me to gush about music 😹💕 Music is truly one of my nr.1 interests of all time! 🫶

So me answering this got way out of hand... Therefore, here a (somewhat) brief summary:

Top 5 songs of last week:

The grudge by Olivia Rodrigo -> “your flowers filled with vitriol” is a line that goes so hard istg! (the whole song is a banger tho)

Midnight by Ed Sheeran

Making the bed by Olivia Rodrigo

Stick Season by Noah Kahan

That’s on me by Ed Sheeran

Top 5 fave artists atm (artist -> fave album -> fave song on it)

The Amazing Devil -> Ruin -> Drinking Song for the socially anxious

Taylor Swift -> evermore -> cowboy like me

Sleeping at last -> Enneagram -> Nine (my own type lmao)

Bo Burnham -> Inside -> Goodbye

Ed Sheeran -> (currently) Autumn Variations -> Spring

Way too extensive elaboration under the cut (bc once I start talking about music it’s very hard to stop)

So out of the 5 arrtists I mention, I also have fave albums and on those albums at least 5 songs so… I don’t expect anyone to actually read through all that, no worries 😹💕 (I was also about to include fave lyrics, but then I was reminded of several irl deadlines so… another time maybe…hopefully... cause I love talking about lyrics so much!)

(fave songs in order of their track nr. On the album, not their actual rank; fave bolded)

1.) The Amazing Devil

Love Run -> King, Shower Day, Elsa’s Song, Two Minutes, Not Yet/Love Run

The Horror and the Wild -> The Rockrose & the Thistle, Welly Boots, Farewell Wanderlust, Fair, That Unwanted Animal

Ruin -> The Calling, Drinking Song, Chords, The Old Witch Sleep, Ruin, Inkpot Gods

2.) Taylor Swift (okay, I am just doing top 5 albums for her, cause otherwise we’ll be sitting here all day)

Evermore -> champagne problems, ivy, cowboy like me, marjorie, right where you left me

Red -> The Lucky One, Better Man, Nothing New, Forever Winter, ATW 10 min

Reputation -> I did smth bad, King of my Heart, Dancing with our hands tied, Call it what you want, New Years Day

Folklore -> the 1, my tears ricochet, seven, peace, the lakes

Midnights -> Maroon, Sweet Nothing, The Great War, WCS, You’re losing me

3.) Sleeping at last

Space -> Sun, Earth, Mars, Neptune, Pluto

Enneagram -> 1, 2, 3, 8, 9

4.) Bo Burnham

Words words words -> WWW, Oh Bo, What’s Funny, Rant, Art is Dead

What -> left brain right brain (yt amv flashbacks istg…) , from god’s perspective, Nerds, Channel 5 News, Hell of a Ride

Make Happy -> straight white man, country song, lower your expectations, kys, can’t handle this (+ r u happy – bc oof…)

Inside (deluxe) -> problematic, welcome to the internet, that funny feeling, all eyes on me, goodbye + five years

5.) Ed Sheeran (also just 5, bc I am ignoring that = exists)

Plus -> it’s been too long since listened to this one, so I only remember “Little Bird” and “The A Team”

X -> Don’t, Photograph, Tenerife Sea, Thinking Out Loud, I see Fire

Divide -> Shape of you (idc that it’s overplayed!! I still unironically like this song!), Happier, What do I know?, Supermarket Flowers, Save Myself

Substract -> Eyes Closed, End of Youth, Curtains, Vega, Stoned

Autumn Variations -> England, Midnight, Spring, Punchline, When will I be alright

#Anyone who listens to my music ramblings or even asks me about them will automatically become one of my bffs #sorry <3 #I could talk about each of these choices for hours but this post was already getting way too long 🙈��#I feel like some of these song choices are revealing way too uch about myself but oh well...#ask game #ask #lumiereandcogsworth 🩵#thank you so so much for asking 🫶💕

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dollarbin · 10 months ago

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Nickel Bin #4:

Cat Stevens' Foreigner Suite

Though I'm surely as guilty of practicing it as the next music blogger, I don't know how to spell pretentious without looking it up.

But The Beatles surely entered every new Spelling Bee hoping pretentious would be the first word they were responsible for. They knew the concept all too well. After all, Yoko and John decided his schlong, and nothing else, was a worthy subject for a 40 minute film.

(No, I'm not gonna show you a clip of the movie here; get your mind out of the gutter; and anyway, the film was only ever shown once and is not available anywhere; so no slow-motion image of Lennon's Johnson for you; Yoko said "the critics wouldn't touch it"; neither will this blog...)

Paul meanwhile routinely praised his own music by posing as a nonexistent journalist named Clint Harrigan. And George was inspired to write Try Some, Buy Some to document "his sudden perception of God amid the temptations of the material world" while living in this house:

And Ringo... well you know The Dollar Bin is shy about criticizing Ringo, even if his website just announced a "LANDMARK PHOTOGRAPHY RETROSPECTIVE HARDCOVER “BEATS & THREADS” CHRONICLING OVER 70 YEARS OF HIS LEGENDARY DRUM KITS AND ERA DEFINING FASHIONS."

There is perhaps just one form of late 60s to mid 70s era rock pretension of which the lads from Liverpool never partook: the side-long song. Arthur Lee's Love introduced the idea of one long song filling an entire side of vinyl on their second record, and everyone, including Lee, instantly recognized that doing so was pretentious nonsense.

(By the way, Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands does not count. Why? A) it's only 11 minutes long and takes up a side on its own only because it is at the end of a double album, b) it's too awesome to criticize in any way, and c) cuz I said so.)

Relax: I love Pink Floyd's Echoes (not to mention The Pentangle's Jack Orion) as much as any reasonable white guy, but you've got to admit there is little one can imagine more pretentious than declaring that your music requires listeners to concentrate for 18-23 minutes without pause because you're a big deal artist sent by the gods who cannot be bothered to meet the needs of radio formatting or real people with real responsibilities.

And that brings us to our first ever discussion of one of the Dollar Bin's greatest oddballs, Cat Stevens. It wasn't pretentious enough for Cat to fill the entire A Side of his career cauterizing 73 album Foreigner with one song; he also insisted on calling it a "suite".

The musical term "suite" has its origins in the 1500's and was central to Baroque era music; the idea of a suite was to assemble serious music together for the purpose of serious dancing. Bach wrote a bunch of them; time signatures were to be rigidly followed; everything was either homophonic (not homophobic, ye hasty reader, homophonic: all acceptable music is queer friendly) or polyphonic or, who am I kidding? I have no idea what a song suite actually is; all I can say that it's a serious piece of serious music; in other words it has nothing to do with Jethro Tull.

What I'm trying to say here is that taking three to seven pop songs, smashing them together (with either total or no elegance) and calling it a "suite" is comparable to me wrapping up last Wednesday's spaghetti in a tortilla, adding canned salsa, and declaring my pathetic lunch a Super Deluxe Burrito. Stephen Stills was of course the master of such pretension; see Suite: Judy Blue Eyes. I'll bet he's tucking into a spaghetti burrito as we speak.

Cat Stevens' Foreigner Suite is, admittedly, another totally pretentious addition to this club. And yet, it features everything we love about the Cat Man: sweet harmonies, dense sonic changes, passionate lyrics and his patented I'm-a-grandpa-who-zipped-up-too-fast-and-got-his-hairy-hacky-sack-caught-in-it vocal stylings. Plus he recorded the song while on tax exile in Jamaica and was appropriately enamored with reggae, so the whole thing is a fitting follow up to Paul Simon's Mother and Child Reunion.

My wife bought this record early in our relationship at a Salvation Army without my pretentious approval. I knew Cat Stevens. My long ago friend Thom Moore of Moore Brothers fame had shown us Harold & Maude and I'd been listening to Tea for The Tillerman since middle school.

(My buddy Eric and I once spent all of a sleepover listening to the title track on repeat; when we finally went to bed we turned it down as low as it could go while still remaining audible; therefore we woke up every other minute and a half when everyone belted out HAPPY DAY!; we had no access to, or interest in, drugs, so that was our idea of trippin').

But I'd decided early on that everything after Mona Bone Jakon (now that's a record that deserves a big deal Dollar Bin treatment; it's the overlooked third member of holy, end-of-the-60's, white people music trinity alongside Five Leaves Left and Astral Weeks) was a compromise, and that everything after Teaser and the Firecat was a worthy soundtrack for that film about Lennon's one-eyed monster.

So I turned my pretentious nose up at my lady friend's thrift store find, resumed listening to Daydream Nation, and thereby missed out on Foreigner Suite for the rest of the 90's.

But then we had a kid in 02 it was time to a) rewrite my pretentious first/last novel, b) drink more/cheaper beer, and c) listen to the records in my collection I had previously ignored, all in an effort to prove to myself that I was not simply a middle aged, balding dadman forever more. And that brought me to Foreigner Suite.

Let's listen.

youtube

Where to start? I count the soulful main theme (There are no words...) which opens the piece briefly and then comes back for an extended run at the end, then there's another two or three unique melody sections as well as the funk in the middle, and then the whole thing soars away with sweet piano doodling and a chorus that I can't begin to get my head around: heaven, Cat sings, must have programmed you. Is he singing to a 60's era, Warehouse-sized IBM machine? Or to Neil's new robot? Is he inventing the internet years before Al Gore did?

I love this song. I'd play it loud on weekends in our first real home whenever my wife was at work. My infant daughter spent the 8 minutes unpacking all her toys one by one, tasting each of them. And I'd sit on the floor beside her, tasting them too. Then she'd don every costume jewelry necklace in the house and crawl about, dragging bling wherever she went. And I'd sing along with Cat and crawl along after her, marvelling. After all, Heaven had programmed her.

And when she graduates from college this May I'll likely have Cat Stevens in my head:

When you're talking to me And the whirling wind turns to song Why it sets my soul free

Here's to Cat. He wound up donating all the money he saved on his taxes while in Jamaica to UNESCO.

More importantly, here's to Martin Luther King. Today's his day. His words and voice are currently knocking the wind out of my ninth grade students in all the right ways.

And, most importantly, here's to all the unpretentious people who spent today in service to others.

Cheers.

#cat stevens #stephen stills still sucks #nickel bin!#pink floyd #arthur lee #sad eyed lady of the lowlands

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godforbidfate · 2 years ago

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the most insane thing about being a veteran taylor fan is that we've literally watched her grow up? i know people say this all the time but i have such cognitive dissonance in my head that i've forgotten that we saw her at 18 years old, being picked on by critics, getting overly excited at awards shows, dating some random guys...like the interviews of her from even ten years ago are this little girl with a high pitched voice going on about how she hid away in her room to write on her guitar and i totally forgot that That Taylor existed??? part of what got me interested in her in the first place is that she was a few years older than me but she was just being herself! writing songs about high school! making dumb jokes and being goofy and loving music! she was just another girl and she was my best friend and she wasn't the best new artist, she was just taylor.

now she's this big spectacle, a thing that people feel entitled to, and she's grown into this Woman who has handled so much scrutiny in her career only to continue to be one of the most successful, most celebrated, most talked about celebrities of our generation. if not, THE most. i think we all knew when we first found her that this is what she would become, but to watch her change from a random country teenager into someone who has broken nearly every record she can in an industry that is (financially) dying is absolutely mind-blowing when you think about where she started and where she was when i first started listening to her.

and what's so frustrating i think about people who are only just now becoming fans is that they either ignored that part of her career, partook in the universal hatred of her during that part of her career, or just straight up were not old enough to be present during that part of her career. which doesn't make them good or bad fans, they just will never understand what it was like to be someone around her age watching her field this fame while also growing up and becoming who she's meant to be! like i get it, you love would've could've should've, but do you understand how absolutely inSANE that track is in the context of her career and her life and our relationship to that? were you there when she Called Out John Mayer by Name in a seven minute song about how he low-key groomed her while mimicking his guitar on an album she wrote by herself at 19 just because a man was mean to her and said she couldn't write songs?

there are so many moments like that in her career, things that she did that absolutely Changed the Game and were a big deal and now compared to her recent successes, they're almost forgotten about. she's broken so many records and done so many things that now her successes from the beginning of her career are almost negligible. sometimes when i stop and think too hard about where she started and who she was and how much she's grown...it makes me wanna throw up

#nobody: me: time to write an essay about taylor again #I JUST...#ive changed so much in the last fifteen years and SO HAS SHE #and yet tiktok swifties think theyve invented being a taylor fan #not to be bitter but YOU DONT GET IT #YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE THIRTEEN AND LISTENING TO INVISIBLE ON YOUR IPOD CLASSIC

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cyarskj1899 · 2 years ago

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Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

Rollingstone LogoClick to expand the Mega Menu

YEAR IN REVIEW

The 100 Best Songs of 2022

Bad Bunny, Beyoncé, Steve Lacy, Pharrell, and Quavo and Takeoff were just some of the artists whose songs this year we won't forget

BY ROLLING STONE

DECEMBER 5, 2022

WHAT MADE A great song in 2022? Was it an irresistible beat and a sense of humor? An introspective, bittersweet dream? An absolute dance floor banger? Was it lo-fi, high-res, loud, soft, twangy, poppy, sleek, distorted, hugely anthemic, or perfectly tiny? The answer was yes — all that and more. Or maybe it was a song that imperiously declared any and all doubters to be a bunch of munches. You’ll have to listen to all 100 songs here to be sure.

Find this playlist on Spotify.

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Bad Bunny feat. Bomba Estereo, ‘Ojitos Lindos’

KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES

Calling Bad Bunny unpredictable is starting to feel like a cliché, but his collaboration with the Colombian electro-fusion band Bomba Estéreo was a genuine surprise — and a standout on Un Verano Sin Ti that netted him a Record of the Year nomination at the 23rd annual Latin Grammys. Produced by Tainy, the track marries the best of Bad Bunny’s laidback baritone with Li Saumet’s spunky delivery for one of summer’s most wistful tracks. Saumet told Rolling Stone that her verses came to her instantly, a process she described as “very magical.” “That’s how things come together when they come from a real place,” she added. — J.L.

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Sky Ferreira, ‘Don’t Forget’

LORNE THOMSON/REDFERNS

Pop disruptor Sky Ferreira’s first single since 2019’s chaotic “Downhill Lullaby” is a colossal synth-pop anthem with a vengeful streak — “I won’t forget, I don’t forgive,” she wails on the chorus. Ferreira’s petulant alto is made for sentiments like the rancor and anger that animate “Don’t Forget”; when swirled into the echoing synth strings and overdriven guitars, it sounds even more menacing. Ferreira’s second full-length, Masochism, has been on the verge of coming out for about seven years, but if “Don’t Forget” is any indication, its eventual arrival will be a gift to the patient. — M.J.

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Rema, ‘Calm Down’

REMA/YOUTUBE

Rema likes to call his spin on the Afrobeats sound “Afro-rave.” Is it much different than regular Afrobeats? Not a ton. Is it sublimely lovely all the same? Yes it is. Rema is the kind of singer who savors simple pop pleasures; the gently rolling “Calm Down” is literally about trying say hello to a girl who’s mellow and dressed in yellow, with a track that’s appropriately warm, bright, and captivating. The big-eyed wonder in Rema’s voice makes it sound like he’s the first guy ever to behold the majesty of girls or colors. — J.D.

Gunna, ‘Banking on Me’

WILL HEATH/NBC/NBCU PHOTO BANK/ GETTY IMAGES

So much of the polarizing discussion about the state of R&B hinges on the way that artists have fused the music with hip-hop — a style popularized by many others, and now embodied like no one else by Gunna. Over tender Metro Boomin production, he croons to his fantasy girl, telling her exactly why she’s his type. “Know you fuckin’ a man that’s made, hey/Keep it low-key, she ain’t after fame,” he sings on his straightforward love note. Instead of leaning on a Nineties R&B sample, he channels that energy in his own manner, stretching out over an unconventionally lengthy three-plus minutes. Released on Valentine’s Day, it’s a song that displays Gunna doing what he does best over the kind of production that allows him to do so. — A.G.

King Von and 21 Savage, ‘Don’t Play That’

KING VON/YOUTUBE

King Von’s “Don’t Play That” starts by letting the beat run for eight bars. The Kid Hazel-produced track employs the kind of electro-pop loop an indie act might license for a car commercial. But then Von subverts the mood with his characteristic menace, matter-of-factly rhyming, “I did a drill with a face mask/I wash my hand with the Ajax.” The late Chicago rhymer delves into a gritty, braggadocious verse, and 21 Savage follows up with the same. Von was known for rhyming over sinister, high-octane production, but “Don’t Play That” shows what he could do over a more palatable soundscape. His effortless delivery radiates the vibe of a burgeoning master of his craft. It’s tragic that “Don’t Play That” instead became the lead single for a posthumous album from an artist slain before his time. — A.G.

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Marshmello and Tokischa, ‘Estilazo’

MARSHMELLO/YOUTUBE

Tokischa has a rare gift for provocation that’s yielded some of the most exhilaratingly unfiltered music on the planet, along with some of the worst tweets this side of the guy who made The College Dropout. On her single with the boldly behatted DJ/producer Marshmello, she pulls off one of her most stunning coups: taking a mainstream EDM beat as big and empty as they come and making it thoroughly, distinctly her own. Boasting about sex, drugs, and other pastimes over a high-gloss house vamp, she vividly renews the commitment to hedonism that underlies all great dance music. If she can make Marshmello cool, what can’t she do? — S.V.L.

Kaitlin Butts, ‘What Else Can She Do’

We’re all familiar with the sad country song about a woman stuck in a one-horse town, slinging hash in some roadside dump as she dreams of a big, wide world she’ll probably never touch. Oklahoma singer-songwriter Kaitlin Butts gives us something different; in her devastatingly sung version, the woman makes it out of Nowhereville but washes out because, “Her small-town pretty didn’t play in the city too well.” Too proud to go back home, she throws on her apron and heads out for another 12-hour shift pouring coffee for strangers. The result is a perfect shot of Red Dirt naturalism — Theodore Dreiser’s Sister Carrie by way of Kacey Musgraves’ Same Trailer, Different Park — and proof that Butts is herself deserving of much bigger things. — J.D.

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Pheelz and BNXN, ‘Finesse’

PHEELZ/YOUTUBE

This was the year of stacked vocals in Afropop, in which tracks like Wizkid’s “Bad to Me” and Burna Boy’s “It’s Plenty” featured what sounded like a mass of mighty but whimsical singers. Pheelz and Bnxn’s “Finesse” came earlier, though, and used the trick to delightful effect on its carefree hook, in which the Nigerian artists throw caution and money to the wind. In March, it was one of the most Shazamed songs in the world, and deservedly so. — M.C.

Lizzo, ‘About Damn Time’

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“I write songs about feeling confident!” Lizzo proclaimed in a Saturday Night Live sketch last April, about the time this bumping disco strut debuted. The bit was a joke, but that line wasn’t, and “About Damn Time” is the best proof possible. Lizzo has never sounded so effortlessly celebratory, and the easy groove, which samples the World’s Famous Supreme Team’s early-Eighties bubblegum jam “Hey D.J.,” fits her like a pair of faux-snakeskin boots. No wonder — co-producer Ricky Reed’s endlessly uncoiling bass line delivers a good time all by itself. — M.M.

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GloRilla feat. Cardi B, ‘Tomorrow 2’

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GloRilla’s come up has been one of the joys of 2022, recently culminating in her breakout hit “F.N.F (Let’s Go)” earning a Grammy nomination for Best Rap Performance. It’s a particularly appropriate category for GloRilla, as part of the magic of her tracks is her raw delivery. The visceral umph that punctuates her bars on “Tomorrow 2” could make you twist your face into a grimace. Then, the gleeful venom of Cardi B’s uber-quotable verse could make you laugh in disbelief. “Long ass weave, it be ticklin’ my ass crack/Wonder what I’ll do tomorrow that these hoes will be mad at,” is one of many Cardi couplets that make her so loveable.–M.C.

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FKA Twigs feat. Shygirl, ‘Papi Bones’

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FKA Twigs is as celebrated for her dancing as she is for her avant-garde, experimental R&B, but it wasn’t until this year’s Caprisongs that she focused on making sweaty, beat-driven songs meant for everybody to dance to. “Papi Bones” taps into the star’s Jamaican heritage and features an excellent cameo from British DJ and artist Shygirl. The result is a sexy and fun anthem for all the “champagne bubble girls” and a perfect step forward for Twigs. “I grew up listening to Afrobeats on pirate radio stations, or when I was a teenager, at Notting Hill Carnival,” she said earlier this year. “So I really wanted to show that side of myself, and connect with who I was when I was around 16 or 17 and started seeking out music and clubs and people that represented my heritage.” — B.S.

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Smino feat. J. Cole, ‘90 Proof’

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Smino and J. Cole share a penchant for unearthing the intertwined roots of hip-hop and the blues with tender melodies and concerns — and that’s why they made such an excellent duo when they reconnected for “90 Proof.” Romantic love is Smino’s central meditation on the track, backed by warm guitar and crisp drums; the kind of love that stretches and molds you into something different, maybe better. Through most of his quick but hefty verse, Cole’s cautious gloating deviates from Smino’s thematic path, but the Dreamville head takes melodic cues from the St. Louis rapper’s template. It’s some of both of their best work this year. — M.C

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Seventeen, ‘Hot’

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Seventeen’s popularity grew exponentiallythis year following the release of their fourth studio album, Face the Sun. The 13-member South Korean group known for self-producing, both in songwriting and choreographing, filled the album with hits like “Cheers” and “Darling,” but “Hot,” the lead single, towers above them all. You can’t help but to “drop it like hot, hot, hot” when you hear the Wild West-inspired guitar strum that kicks off the track. — K.K.

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Wizkid, ‘Bad to Me’

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Wizkid’s tour-de-force couple of years celebrating the success of Made in Lagos and its hit single “Essence” could have made for a tough act to follow, but the Nigerian superstar took on his follow-up in stride. “Bad to Me” was the lead single off his latest album More Love, Less Ego, and it further solidifies him as the type of genre-unifying pop superstar music very much needs. The slick tune is an infectious, fun victory lap for the star — don’t be surprised if it’s heating up everyone all winter long. — B.S.

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Alex G, ‘Runner’

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One of the year’s most memorable indie songs, and an instant standout from Alex Giannascoli’s God Save the Animals, “Runner” contains lines both pure of heart (“I like people who I can open up to/Who don’t judge for what I say, but judge me for what I do”) and utterly dark (“What’s a couple grand rolled up in your pocket?/I won’t tell nobody, baby you don’t tell nobody”). Giannascoli plays every instrument on the song — including synthesizer and drums — to create a blissful, free-wheeling rocker with comforting echoes of Tom Petty. Need proof? Listen to the chorus of “Louisiana Rain” right after “Runner,” and you’ll see what we mean. — A.M.

Blackpink, “Pink Venom”

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When Rosé yells, “I’m so rock & roll!,” believe the woman. Blackpink kick down the door in their summer hit “Pink Venom,” an unbelievably fun raising-hell anthem full of Eighties hair-metal glam. Even the song title sounds like the name of a tribute band playing Poison and Def Leppard covers at the sleaziest bar in town. The Blackpink queens warn you not to mess with them, because you can’t handle their “Pink Venom,” boasting in Korean and English. It peaks as Rosé sneers, “Look what you made us do,” proving that bad blood is a universal language. — R.S.

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Ozzy Osbourne, ‘No Escape From Now’

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More than half a century has passed since Black Sabbath invented heavy metal as we know it, but on “No Escape From Now,” a track off Ozzy Osbourne‘s Patient Number 9 album, he and his Sabbath bandmate, guitarist Tony Iommi, have rooted themselves in the present. “Gone are the yesterdays,” Osbourne keens over Iommi’s brooding riffs, “Tomorrow’s getting cold … There’s no escape from now.” As on the best Sabbath epics (and this song stretches nearly seven minutes), the pair find a syrupy groove that evokes several grim moods, from the dark to the really dark, with help from Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith and producer-bassist Andrew Watt. It’s only a partial Sabbath reunion, but it lives up to the legacy of the Iron Men. — K.G.

Karol G and Becky G, ‘Mamiii’

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A meeting of two goddesses: the Colombian pop/reggaeton queen Karol G and the L.A. pop singer Becky G. They’re not exactly in a forgiving mood. In “Mamiii,” they drag their no-good exes for one of the year’s fiercest and funniest break-up songs, choosing violence in every possible way over a lilting guitar. The stars destroy any two-legged rat of a man who ever did them wrong, and if he wants to get back in touch, he should call “1-800-jódete.” (In other words, “fuck off.”) It’s a tribute to sisterhood as well as rage, proving that both of these Gs know how to twist the knife. — R.S.

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Jelly Roll, “Son of a Sinner”

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A longtime fixture of Nashville’s rap underground, Jelly Roll made a turn toward country with his latest project and revealed himself to be a great singer with a raspy tenor. Born Jason DeFord, Jelly Roll sings believably and candidly about his struggles with addiction in “Son of a Sinner,” trying to feel OK about being “somewhere in the middle” and “just a little right and wrong” instead of always squeaky-clean. It was a story of personal struggle without a tidy ending, but it turned out to be one that a lot of people understood very well. — J.F.

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Oxlade, ‘Ku Lo Sa — A Colors Show’

URIVALDO LOPES*

When Asake — the Nigerian street-pop star whose debut album seemed to have generated the biggest buzz of the year — told his friend and peer Oxlade that he had a hit on his hands in “Ku Lo Sa,” the singer was skeptical. Asake was one of the first people to hear the song that would soon go global, and knew its tender pleas, pointed hook, and delicate rhythm were irresistible. “He was like ‘Yo, the song is going to go crazy,’” Oxlade told Rolling Stone. “‘I was like, ‘Ehh, every song, everybody says it’s going to go crazy.’” Over 150 million streams later, it looks like Asake was right. — M.C.

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Earl Sweatshirt, ‘2010’

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“I’ma need a bigger bag for the cohort,” begins Earl Sweatshirt on “2010.” The former Odd Future rapper has evolved into one of the genre’s great abstract artists, depicting his all-too-public life in poetic yet incisive terms. Over a tickling keyboard beat from Black Noi$e that sounds like a light sprinkling rain, Earl remembers a youth spent with his mother “rockin’ Liz Claiborne” and recaps a journey of “triumph over plight and immense loss.” The wordplay may not be easy to decode. But the imagery he conjures, thanks to lines like “rainy day came, couldn’t rinse the stains off,” will resonate with anyone. — M.R.

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Omar Apollo, ‘Evergreen’

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Love triangles are brutal; being the side that’s cast out when the two others form a line is pure agony. That’s the cruelty that Omar Apollo excavates on “Evergreen,” as teardrop guitar licks spill against the soft edges of his falsetto. Apollo packs it all in there — anger, anguish, self-loathing, doubt — but still builds to a bridge bursting with defiant confidence: “You know you really made me hate myself/Had to stop before I break myself/Shoulda broke it off to date myself.” Apollo has always excelled at these kinds of songs, and it’s thrilling that such a superb display of his skills has finally scored him a well-deserved place on the charts and the broader pop ecosystem. — J. Blistein

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Muna, ‘Home By Now’

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Muna have a reputation for not giving a fuck. But “Home By Now,” the highlight of their self-titled album, is a surprising pop lament placed amid brash confessionals. The narrator of this song is unsteady on their feet, but they’re not so much desperate for a doomed relationship, as they are reaching for the feeling of shelter, a place to rest. The song acts as a much-needed momentary retrospective in an otherwise future-forward album, and it adds to the queer themes richly embedded in Muna’s work. “Home By Now” is reminiscent. It’s longing. It’s the feeling of driving in a tunnel with the windows down— recalled long after the car is parked. — C.T.J.

Asake feat. Burna Boy, ‘Sungba (Remix)’

ASAKE/YOUTUBE

It’s a little wild to think that Asake’s current reign as Nigerian pop’s streaming record-breaker only began this year. Within one month of the release of “Sungba,” from his debut EP, a remix and video with Burna Boy made the already-formidable track a powerhouse — Burna even performed it solo at his history-making Madison Square Garden show, sending the audience into an uproar. An electric meeting of the South African house sound amapiano and Nigerian flows, the “Sungba” remix demonstrated the strength of Asake’s sound, and he hasn’t let up since. — M.C.

Midland, ‘The Last Resort’

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Move over the Eagles’ “The Last Resort,” there’s a new “The Last Resort” in town. This great Midland song is more proof that Nashville has become America’s leading soft-rock exporter (c’mon, L.A., this is supposed to be your thing). It’s top-shelf Buffett-core, a smooth, heartbroken ballad from the saddest bar on the beach, with steel guitars coming down like a tequila sunset. Midland sing about going down the coast, chasing a case of the blues as big as the ocean, and it goes down so well because, deep down, the dude in this song isn’t some self-pitying bum — dude knows, it’s his own damn fault. — J.D.

Sam Smith and Kim Petras, ‘Unholy’

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If Sam Smith planned to come back with a bang after their 2020 LP Love Goes, “Unholy” proved to be the perfect song with which to do so with. Accompanied by the sass of trans pop star Kim Petras, Smith “threw out the rule book” and stepped away from his signature ballad sound to create a catchy, dirty song about a “daddy getting hot at the body shop” behind mummy’s back. The sexy banger quickly skyrocketed on the charts, making Petras and Smith the first trans and nonbinary artists to reach Number One on the Billboard Hot 100.–T.M.

NewJeans, ‘Hype Boy’

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With its addictive choreography and catchy chorus — “‘Cause I know what you like, boy/You’re my chemical, hype boy” — this was a standout from NewJeans’ hit-filled first EP. “Hype Boy” lets each member’s voice really shine through, and Hanni notably contributed to the cute lyrics that encapsulate young love (“got me chasing a daydream”). NewJeans’ peers and seniors in the K-pop industry, like Stray Kids, StayC, Twice, and even JYP are still covering the “Hype Boy” dance at events and concerts. RM of BTS was also recently captured singing and dancing along to a recent performance. It’s the kind of phenomenon that makes it clear NewJeans have hit on something special. — K.K.

Carly Rae Jepsen & Rufus Wainwright, ‘The Loneliest Time’

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Carly Rae Jepsen always knows how to find the emotional core of any glossy pop confection, and her wonderful team-up with Rufus Wainwright ranks right up there with her finest moments. “The Loneliest Time” is a classic disco duet about two old lovers breaking free from a breakup of Shakespearean proportions to get right back where they started from, with Rufus and Carly sharing a chemistry on the level of Stevie Nicks and Kenny Loggins in “Whenever I Call You ‘Friend’,” which is to say, as sweet as it gets. — J.D.

Villano Antillano, ‘BZRP Music Sessions #51’

It seems like it would be massively intimidating to stack up to the talent that Bizarrap, the rising Argentine producer, regularly features on his ultra-popular BZRP Music Sessions — but the Puerto Rican rapper Villano Antillano barely batted an eye when she took the mic for a knockout video that blew away the Internet (155 million YouTube views and counting). Antillano, who has broken barriers as a trans woman in pop, storms onto the song with a barrage of flexes and double-entendres, wiping the floor with her haters. All hell really breaks loose once Bizarrap accelerates the beat: Antillano whips out a black handheld fan, waving it triumphantly with each explosive bar. — J.L.

Zach Bryan, ‘Something in the Orange’

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The breakthrough single from Oklahoma-raised singer-songwriter Zach Bryan is a bare-bones showcase for his weathered wail and painfully precise descriptions of how heartbreak can ravage the mind. Accompanied by a ghostly slide guitar and his own strumming, Bryan pours out his heart to a straying lover, with the encroaching dusk — the “orange” that bleeds into all of Bryan’s imagery — serving as a harbinger for a long, lonely night of solitude. Bryan’s lament smolders with regret and anger, threatening to burst into flame at any moment. — M.J.

Noah Cyrus, ‘I Burned L.A. Down’

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The Cyrus family legacy runs from “Achy Breaky Heart” to Plastic Hearts, but youngest sister Noah Cyrus goes her own way on “I Burned L.A. Down,” a highlight from her debut album, The Hardest Part. It’s a stark acoustic country-pop burner about feeling trapped in a one-sided relationship with a California guy — and maybe also with California. Cyrus mourns, “You can’t make a god of somebody/Who’s not even a half-decent man.” It’s a West Coast cousin to Taylor Swift’s “Maroon,” feeling lost in a city where you used to feel at home, after your heart gets broken there. — R.S.

Megan Thee Stallion, ‘Plan B’

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When Megan premiered “Plan B” during her Coachella set this April, heads exploded. The scorn in her precise raps for an ain’t-shit ex was incinerating, each diss hotter than the next. “Popping Plan B’s ’cause I ain’t planned to be stuck with ya,” is mild compared to everything that comes after. And with the threat to reproductive rights becoming especially dire two months after the song’s premiere, “Plan B” is an incredible assertion of those rights’ importance. — M.C.

Ashley McBryde, Caylee Hammack, Brandy Clark, and Pillbox Patti, ‘Bonfire at Tina’s’

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Country rebel Ashley McBryde turns this old-school drinking song into a future-school celebration of sisterhood. “Bonfire at Tina’s” is the highlight of Lindeville, her concept albumabout a small town full of wild characters, inspired by the great Nashville songwriter Dennis Linde. She sings about a group of rowdy girlfriends who don’t always see eye-to-eye — but they watch each other’s backs, pour each other drinks, light each other’s joints. She shares the microphone with Brandy Clark, Caylee Hammack, and Pillbox Patti. As she warns, “Small-town women ain’t built to get along/But you burn one of us, boy, you burn us all.” — R.S.

Doechii & SZA, ‘Persuasive’

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Doechii scores her most undeniable track yet with “Persuasive,” teaming up with SZA for the killer remix duet. The song evokes a druggy up-all-night vibe where falling head over heels in love can feel like being blunted out of your mind. She keeps singing the sleepy hook, “She’s so persuasive/That marijuana/She’s so flirtatious,” over a moody Seventies R&B groove. SZA adds her signature swagger, demanding, “Get off my balls, I said it nice.” They keep coming back to the key question, “How does it feel to be you?” The answer: damn good whenever “Persuasive” is playing. — R.S.

Burna Boy, ‘Last Last’

BURNA BOY/YOUTUBE

This heartache anthem was a huge hit for the Nigerian superstar, topping Billboard’s Mainstream R&B/Hip-Hop Airplay chart and racking up more than 100 million streams on Spotify alone. You can hear why: The beat samples a different love-gone-bad anthem, Toni Braxton’s 2000 hit “He Wasn’t Man Enough,” creating a seductively moody bed for Burna Boy to vocalize with canny self-assurance. Burna’s delivery is both elegant and a little broken as he laments lost love and turns “I need igbo and shayo” — weed and booze, basically — into a sung hook that lit up stereos from Lagos to L.A. — C.H.

Rina Sawayama, ‘This Hell’

RINA SAWAYAMA/YOUTUBE

There are so many amazing lines in this bonkers country-pop bash, from “Got my invitation, to eternal damnation” to “Fuck what they did to Britney, to Lady Di, and Whitney.” But the award goes to the opener, where Sawayama utters “Let’s go girls,” effortlessly invoking Shania Twain. Artists from other genres dabbling in country music is nothing new, but Sawayama does it better than nearly anyone here, proving she’s just trying to have a good time — while also inspiring change. “I get messages from people who connect the idea of country music with their conservative parents,” she told Twain in their recent Musicians on Musicians interview for RS. “They’ve been like, ‘You’ve taken trauma out of the genre. Thank you.’” — A.M.

Ice Spice, ‘Munch (Feelin U)’

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Bronx rapper Ice Spice landed one of the year’s breakout hits with “Munch (Feelin’ U),” a track that found her blending the rhythmic aggression of drill with a cool vocal style. On musical terms, she sounds unflappable, dismissing suitors and gawkers alike. Ice Spice’s image was as omnipresent as her music this summer, as fans debated her come-up. Only time will tell if “Munch” is just a TikTok-fueled one-off or the start of something bigger, but for now we’ll keep it on repeat. — M.R.

Pusha T, ‘Dreamin’ of the Past’

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The simple, Donny Hathaway-sample-driven backdrop of “Dreamin’ of the Past” was the perfect canvas for Pusha T’s winding raps, which touch on everything from bankrolling Christmas with drug money to his annoyance with women who can’t pronounce the name of a luxury fashion house. Kanye West, who produced the song, offers a quick, smart, but slightly troubling verse; his reflections on finance, faith, and family feel foreboding given all we know and have seen of him now. But this is clearly Pusha’s show.— M.C.

Yahritza Y Su Esencia, ‘Soy El Unico’

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When Yahritza Martinez first played “Soy El Unico” for her brother Armando, he was surehis 13-year-old sister was playing a cover. It’s for good reason: The stunning acoustic ballad, steeped in the traditional ballads and corridos of her parents’ native Michoacán region of Mexico and guided by Martinez’s stunning old-soul vocals, sounds like it’s existed forever. The reality is that the devastating torch song, which Martinez wrote by observing teenagers around her going through heartbreak, is a bonafide hit: After going viral on TikTok earlier this year, it topped the Latin music charts and racked up nearly 100 million streams on Spotify alone. But even if it hadn’t become nearly as popular, it’d still be the most astonishing debut single of the year. — J. Bernstein

Kendrick Lamar, ‘N95’

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Kendrick Lamar’s “N95” opens with a flurry of commands: “Take off them fabricated streams and them microwave memes.” His intro hearkens back to De La Soul’s 1989 track “Take It Off,” yet Lamar is not only distinguishing himself from his peers, but also confronting a world tentatively lowering its N95 masks amidst the ongoing Covid pandemic. “Bitch, you ugly as fuck!” he exclaims before adding “you outta pocket” in a different tone of voice. With moody, bass-y production, this is Lamar confronting societal clichés with restless intellectual fervor, and claims that he doesn’t care about the consequences. — M.R.

Drake feat. 21 Savage, ‘Jimmy Cooks’

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Nestled at the end of Drake’s club-music adventure Honestly, Nevermind, “Jimmy Cooks” finds the 6 God on familiar ground, snapping and talking trash with 21 Savage. “Love the way they hang babe, fuck the silicon,” he opines lasciviously. “I be with my gun like Rozay be with lemon pepper,” adds 21. The track is split into three parts, including a Memphis rap-sampling intro as well as a beat apiece for the two rappers, and they bounce around the track with effortless bars, completely in the pocket. — M.R.

Harry Styles, ‘As It Was’

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The lead single from Harry Styles’ third album balances its agitated inner monologue, where the shape-shifting pop star picks at the details of a relationship in crisis, with spun-sugar synths that give cover to his torment. From its playful opening — Styles’ goddaughter Ruby giggling “Go on, Harry, we want to say goodnight to you!” — to its singsong bridge, during which Styles’ thoughts are ping-ponging around his head at “high-speed internet” velocities, “As It Was” paints an unusually vivid picture. Everything might seem fine on first glance, but it all becomes more troubling (“What kind of pills are you on?”) with each repeated glimpse. — M.J.

Beyonce, ‘Break My Soul’

MASON POOLE*

What timing! Beyoncé’s spiritual successor to Johnny Paycheck’s immortal “Take This Job and Shove It” came into a post-Nomadland world of increasingly transient work. By year’s end, it could have been written for the engineers flocking from Twitter. The record hit like a shock wave — was Beyoncé really doing house music? She was, indeed — and her interpolation of Robin S.’s classic “Show Me Love” and sample of Big Freedia’s New Orleans bounce classic “Explode” (“Release ya job!”) has already helped pivot the wider pop world to house as a lodestone. — M.M.

Pharrell feat. 21 Savage and Tyler, The Creator, ‘Cash In Cash Out’

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Pharrell came back strong with “Cash In Cash Out,” with a little help from the all-star duo of 21 Savage and Tyler, the Creator. Pharrell neither sings nor raps on the track — he just keeps that hypnotic, minimalist 808 loop pumping, and with a beat this cold, that’s all he needs to do. 21 Savage flexes his rudest humor, boasting, “She swallow all my kids, she a bad babysitter/Kim Jong-Un, in my pants is a missile.” Tyler, on a roll after Call Me If You Get Lost, reports that he refused a multi-million-dollar show — “I declined because the stage didn’t match my ethos” — and slips in the boast, “Going both sides, you could say I’m B-I.” — R.S.

Quavo and Takeoff, ‘Hotel Lobby’

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When Quavo and his nephew Takeoff seemingly broke with Migos member and cousin Offset and dropped “Hotel Lobby,” it seemed like an escapade before the band eventually got back together. Now, after Takeoff’s senseless murder in November, the duo’s side project has taken on tragic significance. As always, the Atlanta rappers float together like Golden State’s splash brothers. Takeoff brags how his “diamonds be dancing like Bobby [Brown],” while Quavo warns he’s “claiming that stick/Nigga made one wrong move, just popped him.” It hurts to think that the fun wasn’t meant to last. — M.R.

Rosalia, ‘Despecha’

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In conversation, Rosalía dazzles with an encyclopedic knowledge of genres, exploring sounds that aren’t her own with a sheer, genuine love of music. That same sincerity comes through in songs like this one, which she premiered during this year’s epic Motomami tour. “Despechá” uses a mambo piano line as starting point, then delves into merengue territory chiseled by touches of avant-pop. Her respect for the bounce of the Dominican Republic’s most trusted dance format is poignant, but it is the soaring energy in her vocals that moves this summertime single closer to the sacred ground she’s aiming for. “Despechá” suggests that Rosalía’s future experiments in global hitmaking may be just as inspired as the milestone that was Motomami. — E.L.

Taylor Swift, ‘Karma’

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“I’m still here.” With three words, Taylor Swift not only cemented Midnights as a middle finger to the people who prayed for her downfall — she sealed this song’s fate as its album-defining hit. Yes, “Anti-Hero” is the single, and “Maroon” is the one your moody friend keeps quoting. But “Karma” marries Swift’s mastermind lyrics (check out how “Karma is my boyfriend” shifts from smirking metaphor to lovebird literality as the song goes on) with the sleekest, most flexible production tendencies from longtime collaborator Jack Antonoff. When the track list was first released, some fans fixated on the hope that “Karma” would relate to a long-rumored lost album. But any disappointments about getting an easter egg wrong were swept away by a tenacious revenge song so quintessentially Swift that the tour choreography is practically decided after one listen. — C.T.J.

Steve Lacy, ‘Bad Habit’

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Steve Lacy says “Bad Habit” clarified his vision for his stellar album Gemini Rights, which, sure, is about a breakup, but also about the parts of you that pulse and pull and contradict and coexist all at once. It’s fitting, then, that its thesis track cruises like a daylit ride through a psyche in healing, at once peaceful and turbulent. Lacy’s lyrics make peace with the parting and long for reunion; he knows he has power, but gives some away. There’s musical genius in making melancholy groovy enough to soundtrack the summer and soar to the top of the charts. This thing happened for a reason. — M.C.

Beyonce, ‘Cuff It’

MASON POOLE*

Ranking one Renaissance cut above them all is no small task, but the impact of “Cuff It” is undeniable. It has thrived as a single, replete with jovial dance moves that spread like a contagion — and It’s strikingly placed on an album where sequencing is integral to the experience. At track four, the immediacy and ease of its funk is in sharp and exhilarating contrast to the shadowy electronic music that comes before it. As soon as “Cuff It” starts, we’re jetted to an ethereal disco in outer space, welcomed at the doors by the genre’s greatest practitioner, Nile Rodgers, who co-wrote the track and plays guitar on it. Aided by the Chic icon’s magic touch, Beyoncé reached the pinnacle of the modern throwback. — M.C.

Bad Bunny, ‘Titi Me Preguntó’

KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES

The good news: Bad Bunny brought frantic dembow beats, a classy sample by bachata master Anthony Santos, and a coda with a dash of Latin psychedelia to the global mainstream. Even better? He did it all with panache and a healthy sense of humor. Using the archetype of the concerned Latin American aunt asking about her nephew’s potential girlfriends as a starting point, the Puerto Rican icon launches into a hilarious tirade of salacious puns to a bouncy party vibe that — in typical Bad Bunny fashion — unexpectedly morphs into moody self-reflection. More than any other track off Un Verano Sin Ti, “Tití Me Preguntó” showcases Benito’s unbridled creativity, his eccentric pop genius. — E.L.

CONTRIBUTORS: Jonathan Bernstein, Jon Blistein, Mankaprr Conteh, Jon Dolan, Brenna Ehrlich, Jon Freeman, Dewayne Gage, Andre Gee, Kory Grow, Christian Hoard, Maura Johnston, CT Jones, Michelle Hyun Kim, Kristine Kwak, Ernesto Lechner, Julyssa Lopez, Leah Lu, Angie Martoccio, Michaelangelo Matos, Patricia Meschino, Tomás Mier, Mosi Reeves, Rob Sheffield, Brittany Spanos, Lisa Tozzi, Simon Vozick-Levinson

IN THIS ARTICLE:

Bad Bunny,

best songs of 2022,

Beyonce,

Harry Styles,

ice spice,

Taylor Swift,

Year in Review

MUSIC

MUSIC LISTS

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chorusfm · 11 months ago

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Craig Manning’s Top Albums of 2023

Sometimes, the things you love leave you. Sometimes, those things come back. Musically, 2023 for me was a year defined by the things I got back. Six of the 30 albums listed below were made by artists or bands I thought would never release music again. All six were artists who played key roles in extremely formative moments of my life; then they all went dormant for extended periods of time. Three of the six had been out of action for a decade or longer; one’s been gone for 23 years. Getting all six back – plus a few other long-awaited returns not represented on this list – felt like a little gift from the music gods, and made 2023 feel so special. There’s a Dawes song I love that goes, “May all your favorite bands stay together.” 2023’s blessing, for me, was more like “May all your favorite bands get back together.” 2023 was also the year that I wandered back out into the live music world, after being extremely hesitant about doing so in 2021 and 2022. While that post-pandemic return to normal didn’t come without its costs – I definitely contracted COVID-19 at a Taylor Swift concert – it felt so wonderful and so life affirming to be a part of a deafeningly-loud audience again. Getting that sensation back in 2023 – and having a couple of my very favorite concert experiences ever along the way – was a gift of its own. So, here’s to getting things back, whether that’s the bands you love or the kinds of communal live music experiences you weren’t sure you’d ever have again. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the past five years, it’s to never, ever take anything for granted, and I tried to instill that spirit into the making of this list. To quote yet another Dawes lyric, “Most people don’t talk enough about how lucky they are.” Most people also don’t talk enough about why they love the music they love, so here’s 30 albums from 2023 that I love – and more importantly, the “why.” 1. Kelsea Ballerini – Rolling up the Welcome Mat 16 minutes: That’s all it takes for Kelsea Ballerini to lay her marriage to rest, and to absolutely level you in the process. If you tack on a bonus track from a later re-release, Rolling up the Welcome Mat still only clocks in at just under 19 minutes. But despite the fact that Welcome Mat is brief, and despite the fact that I’ve always been hesitant about putting EPs on my end-of-the-year lists, there’s something to be said for an artist who somehow manages to say everything there is to say in such a remarkably compressed space. And, for my money, it’s hard to imagine needing more from Rolling up the Welcome Mat than what’s here. Over six tracks (again, seven if you’re counting the bonus song), Ballerini takes a broken marriage and puts it six feet under. I’ve always thought Kelsea was a bright, bright talent – ever since the first time I discovered “Dibs” back in 2015 and decided it was one of the most infectiously catchy songs I’d ever heard. But for all that I’ve followed and supported her career – up to ranking last year’s Subject to Change as my seventh favorite album of 2022 – I never thought Ballerini had something like this in her. Throughout her career, Kelsea has often been considered as a singer or performer first and a songwriter second. But on Rolling up the Welcome Mat, Ballerini so thoroughly laps every other songwriter that got in the game this year – including all-time greats like Jason Isbell and Lori McKenna – that it left me having to reconsider her entire career. Half solo writes and half co-writes with a single other collaborator (a songwriter named Alysa Vanderheym), Rolling up the Welcome Mat is a potent and poignant examination of what happens when you get married at 24 and then watch as the entire thing crashes into the rocks before you even get to 30. No one ever plans to be at that point; marriage, after all, is supposed to last forever – as Ballerini’s own lovestruck 2017 album Unapologetically will attest. But sometimes, the fates just aren’t aligned, and the ties that bind just come… https://chorus.fm/blog/craig-mannings-top-albums-of-2023/

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queenshelby · 3 years ago

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The Singer – Part Two

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Words: 7,970

Warning: Lots of Smut, Some Swearing

Tag List (Cillian):

@lilymurphy03 @deefigs @theflamecrystal @desperate-and-broken @weepingstudentfishhorse @livinginfantaxy @rosey1981 @atomicsoulcollecto @peakyboyslover @nerdy4itall @elenavampire21 @hanster1998 @mariapaiva13 @fairypitou @harry-is-my-sunflower @zozeebo @lauren-raines-x @kasaikawa @littlewierdalien @sad-huffle-nerd @theflamecrystal @peakymalfoyscullymulder @themissthang @0ghostwriter0 @stylescanbeatmyback @1-800-peakyblinders @datewithgianni @momoneymolife @ntmynouis @lilymurphy03 @mcntsee @cloudofdisney @missymurphy1985 @peakymalfoyscullymulder @otterly-fey

Cannot Tag (please check your settings):

@l0tsofpennies @margoo0 @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee @daydreamingnymph @fookingshelby @chocolatehalo

***Drinks and Secrets***

Seven days after your last encounter with Kurt, you finally had his desk delivered back to his office which was located at the Dublin theatre and music district at the back building of a large venue.

Next to his office were several recording studios which meant that, whilst you were recording your new album, you saw him more frequently than you would have hoped.

In addition to working on your new album, you were working on an advertising campaign for the upcoming arts and music festival. As part of this campaign, you were recording a song with Amanda and another Dublin artist named Jeremy who gained a lot of popularity lately.

He was a nice man, in his late thirties who had a lot to offer. He played several instruments and it was easy to work with him and Amanda, at least until Amanda tried to organise a date between you and Jeremy.

She told you about it over some drinks on a Friday afternoon following a day at the recording studio.

‘I have two tickets to see the new play at the Abbey. I was going to see it with Cillian but, since we broke up, this isn’t going to happen. I thought that, perhaps, you could go with Jeremy’ Amanda said with a big grin on her face as she handed you a pint of Guinness.

‘Jeremy? Why would I go with Jeremy?’ you laughed, somewhat surprised by Amanda’s suggestion.

‘He is handsome, a real gentleman, funny and defiantly not a douche like Kurt. Despite, you said that you liked older and more mature guys’ Amanda laughed.

‘Well, perhaps you should ask him out yourself then?’ you giggled, causing Amanda to sigh.

‘I am not ready to date anyone Y/N. In fact, I don’t know if I am over Cillian yet’ Amanda said somewhat disappointed, causing you to take in a deep breath as you thought about your recent encounter with Cillian.

You were overrun with guilt as Amanda continued on, talking about her breakup with Cillian. You knew that you shouldn’t have slept with him, but then again, you didn’t know that you and Amanda would be working together again until three days ago when one of the other musicians dropped out of the project.

‘So, do you think you will give it another chance?’ you asked curiously.

‘I don’t think so. I think he made up his mind. To be honest, I don’t know if I still have feelings for him or if I just miss the sex’ Amanda laughed just before she ordered another drink.

‘Right…that good, eh?’ you said as your face turned red almost immediately. Of course, you knew the answer to your own question.

‘That’s probably too much information, I am sorry. The beer is getting to my head’ Amanda said with some embarrassment.

‘It’s fine, seriously’ you responded before telling Amanda a little bit about your relationship with Kurt.

In turn, after Amanda had more beers, you learned that Cillian liked to take control in the bedroom and you weren’t surprised about this in the slightest, thinking back to the night at your apartment where he took you over Kurt’s study desk. The same study desk that was now in Kurt’s office once again. The thought of it made you giggle internally.

But then, the conversation changed and became more serious when Amanda told you the real reasons behind their recent break up. She believed that she was at fault, pushing him away slowly over time with her jealousy and trust issues, trying to prevent him from socialising and leaving him no space for himself. She accused him of cheating several times but later found out that there was nothing behind the rumours. Cillian eventually had enough of her antics and broke it off again.

‘Oh my god, I am sorry. I usually don’t drink’ Amanda said as she observed your facial expression when she continued to talk about Cillian. She was certainly more direct and open about her sex life than you had hoped.

‘I think I should get you home’ you said with a warm smile, feeling a sense of responsibility, and Amanda nodded in agreement.

Since you only had two beers over two hours, unlike Amanda who had at least six or seven, maybe more, you were still able to drive and you helped Amanda to your car, hoping that press wouldn’t notice her state. After all, she had quite a following herself.

Twenty minutes later, you pulled up in front of Cillian’s house which was where she was still living at the time as the settlement of her property was delayed.

Supporting her, you walked towards the front door and rang the doorbell. Within a minute, Cillian opened and couldn’t believe his own eyes when he saw you with his completely drunk ex-girlfriend.

‘Hi’ Cillian said somewhat surprised as he took hold of Amanda. She barely managed to walk by herself.

‘Hi’ you said, your eyes avoiding his.

‘Uhm, thank you…’ Cillian chuckled, not knowing what else to say to you, before asking you whether you wanted to come inside.

‘I would love to use your bathroom, if I could’ you laughed as you had to pull over earlier when Amanda got sick and your clothes smelled like vomit.

‘Sure, common in’ Cillian said just before he pointed you to the bathroom and helped Amanda getting out of her vomit-stained clothes.

You left the bathroom door open slightly as you cleaned yourself up and observed Cillian getting a bucket from the laundry before telling Amanda to have a rest.

After he helped her to lie down, placing the bucket next to the bed, he came into the bathroom to speak to you. He left the bedroom door open slightly so that he could hear if Amanda was getting sick, worried that she might miss the bucket in her state.

‘What happened? It’s only 6 o’clock’ Cillian asked almost amused.

‘She just kept drinking Cilly…I don’t know’ you said with a chuckle as you tried to wash the vomit out of your expensive vintage blouse.

‘Beer?’ he asked curiously, causing you to nod.

‘Fuck. I am in for an interesting evening then’ Cillian said somewhat irritated, causing you to laugh out loud.

‘So am I because I meant to see my sister and her husband for dinner at 7 o’clock and I smell like puke now’ you giggled, seeing the humour in all of this.

‘Have a shower here. I will get you a clean t-shirt’ Cillian suggested and you accepted his offer gratefully.

A minute later, Cillian gave you a towel and one of his black t-shirts. You closed the bathroom door behind you and got undressed.

When you stepped into the shower, you were slightly confused by all of the buttons. You never saw anything quite like this. You pressed one of the buttons and nothing happened. Then you pressed the next and, finally, water came rushing out from the top like waterfall but, it was cold.

‘Dammit’ you said loudly as the cold water came rushing down over your body, barely managing to wash away the little bit of soap you had placed on your chest and breasts earlier.

‘Having problems with the shower?’ Cillian asked from outside the bathroom door a few seconds after he heard you yell.

‘There is no hot water’ you said as you stepped out of the shower, wrapped the towel around you and opened the door.

Cillian stepped inside, gazing over your semi naked body for a second or two, before turning on the shower for you.

‘Wow, that’s high tech’ you giggled as you stood right next to Cillian, his body awfully close to yours.

‘Isn’t that usually how you young people roll?’ Cillian chuckled, causing you to give him a slight nudge and, in the process of it, loosing hold of your towel on one side.

Cillian noticed immediately and his jaw dropped as he drew a deep breath.

‘Cillian?’ you whispered as you noticed him looking at the ceiling, purposely trying to avoid eye contact with you.

‘Yeah’ he said with a low voice as he looked back at you but, instead of saying anything else to him, you pressed your lips onto his tentatively.

Cillian gave into the kiss and parted your lips with his slightly, allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth in order to meet yours.

Your hands reached for his cheeks and the back of his head while your towel dropped to the floor.

‘We shouldn’t be doing this Y/N’ Cillian whispered as your lips drifted apart after what seemed like an eternity.

‘No, we shouldn’t’ you responded despite the fact that you wanted him, right then and there.

But, his lips landed on yours again almost instantly, ignoring the interfering thoughts in your heads.

As you were kissing, Cillian’s hand wandered over the back of your body and then in between you, immediately finding your wet mound.

You let out a low moan as his fingers began to gently massage your clit before one of his fingers dipped inside of you momentarily.

On your left upper thigh, you could feel his erection press against you, restricted by his tight and ripped jeans.

You pushed your mound against his hand as much as you could while he swallowed up your moans, continuing to kiss you passionately.

But, as he began to apply more pressure against your clit, you had to pull away from his mouth and moan escaped you.

His speed increased and you let your head fall forward against his chest and shoulder, taking in the scent of his aftershave and moaning into the thin black cotton of his t-shirt.

Your legs began to quiver within minutes and his magical fingers on your clit brought you over the edge fairly quickly.

You held onto Cillian, continuing to moan against his chest as your orgasm washed over you and he finally slowed down his movements.

‘Fuck’ you whispered as Cillian chuckled at the fact that he just made you cum within less than five minutes.

‘You should have a shower now or you’ll be late for dinner’ Cillian winked before pressing his lips onto yours again.

‘What about you?’ you asked quietly as you ran your hand over his crotch.

‘I better check on Amanda’ he said somewhat reluctantly before leaving you by yourself in the bathroom.

After a quick shower, you got dressed and returned to the living room where Cillian was sitting, watching a documentary.

When you approached him to give him a kiss, he pulled away.

‘We cannot keep doing this Y/N’ Cillian said quietly and it was obvious to you that he had been doing a lot of thinking while you were in the shower.

‘You are right’ you murmured, upset by his response.

‘Are we okay?’ he asked and you nodded.

‘Thanks for the shower’ you said a little upset before grabbing your keys and phone and returning to your car.

***Family***

Later that evening, at dinner with your sister and her husband, your sister asked you about your music projects and, of course, your love life.

She knew that you had separated from Kurt and, even though you called it a break, it was obvious to her and anyone from your family that this was final.

She was glad that it was over. Finally, you were free from him.

When she asked you if there was anyone else, you couldn’t help it but tell her about Cillian. But you didn’t tell her his name, nor did you tell her how you had met.

All that you told her was that there was a man who you had slept with and who you think you might like and this was the first time that you admitted your feelings for Cillian to yourself as well.

It felt strange to you as, initially, when you met Cillian, you couldn’t stand him but now that you got to know each other more intimately, this changed.

When you told your sister that he was 43, making him exactly twenty years older than you, her jaw dropped.

‘Forget about him Y/N. Honestly’ she told you, thinking that he was too old for you and the press would rip you to pieces about it, just as it happened with your ex-girlfriend which emotionally destroyed you at the time.

‘I’ve grown since then, emotionally and mentally and I cannot help it. His presence does something to me and, currently, I work with him all the time’ you said with a deep sigh.

‘Is he a musician?’ your sister asked curiously and you shook your head.

‘He’s an actor’ you admitted but went no further than that regardless of how much your sister was poking around, asking you for his name.

‘It doesn’t matter because it isn’t going anywhere with us and you are right, it’s probably better that way’ you said when she asked you for his name for the third time.

Your sister gave up eventually and, after several glasses of wine, you decided to stay at her house for the night before a big day at the studio finalising the schedule for the music festival.

The next morning, when you tried to start your car, the engine had stopped working. It was a brand-new car and you were extremely irritated and contacted the car dealer immediately.

The car dealer advised you that they couldn’t get the car in for repair until Monday and your sister luckily offered to drive you into Dublin city.

‘Do you have time for a coffee?’ she asked as she pulled up in front of the studio and nodded. You still had twenty minutes before your meeting with Cillian and Kurt.

You sat down at a booth table in the small café beneath the theatre and the waitress was quick to take your order and bring you some water.

‘The coffee here is really good’ you said to your sister but she seemed somewhat distant and unresponsive.

‘June? Are you with me?’ you chuckled and, suddenly she looked at you with wide open eyes and whispered ‘Cillian Murphy’.

‘What about him?’ you asked absolutely flustered.

‘Over there, at the counter’ your sister then whispered with excitement, causing you to take in a deep breath. He wasn’t the person who you wanted to see right at this moment, especially after what you told your sister last night.

‘He is my cheat pass’ your sister then said, causing you to inadvertently spit out some of the water in your mouth.

‘You are joking?’ you asked, causing your sister to shake her head and continue to stare at him.

‘I am going to say hello’ she said determined and you took her hand quickly and responded ‘no you are not’ which was when Cillian noticed you and walked over towards your table.

‘Morning Y/N’ he said with a smile before giving you a friendly kiss on the cheek.

‘Hi Cilly’ you said before introducing him to your sister with some embarrassment.

Your sister was quick to move to one side, indicating for Cillian to sit down next to her and he didn’t think anything of it and joined you both for coffees and a snack to eat.

The three of you engaged in some small talk and Cillian informed you that Kurt had called him earlier that day telling him that he was sick and wouldn’t be coming in.

You were glad about it in a way but it also meant that it was just you and Cillian working on the schedule which might be a problem after last night.

After you drank your coffees and engaged in some more conversation, each of you went your separate ways. Cillian and you had a days’ work ahead of you and your sister had to get back home.

A few minutes after you left the café, you got a test message from your sister. ‘Fuck he’s hot. Can you invite him for drinks with me or something’ it said and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

‘What’s so funny?’ Cillian asked as he observed your facial expressions and small giggles.

‘Nothing’ you responded before putting your phone away, ignoring your sister’s text message.

***Working Together***

The day went by quickly and you managed to be quite productive, finishing the schedule for the festival by 4 o’clock. There was no arguing anymore between you and Cillian and, with Kurt not being there, there was also no shouting.

As you were working together, you and Cillian kept your distance from each other, trying as hard as you could to stay focused and professional.

You sent the schedule off to Kurt for consideration and communication to the artists and Cillian offered you to drive you home after you told him about your car.

You agreed reluctantly as it was raining but all of your focus and professionalism went out of the window as soon as Cillian pulled up in front of your apartment.

‘Uhm, would you like to come up for a drink?’ you asked, knowing exactly that you shouldn’t have asked him that after last night.

‘I shouldn’t’ Cillian responded reluctantly. He knew he couldn’t get involved with you again. Another relationship was not what he wanted, especially not with someone as young as you.

‘I know, I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s fine. Thank you for driving me home. Have a good night’ you said before giving him a friendly kiss on his cheek before getting out of his car.

As you reached the front door of your apartment building and searched through your bag for the key, you heard the door of Cillian’s car close.

You looked back and saw Cillian approach you with a hesitant smile.

‘Changed your mind?’ you smirked as he walked up the pathway leading to the front door of your apartment block.

‘Yeah, I suppose’ Cillian smiled with his hands in his pockets like a shy schoolboy while he was waiting for you to open the door.

You finally found your key and you both took the elevator up to your apartment, keeping your distance from each other.

You opened the door to your apartment and Cillian followed you inside almost shyly, remaining standing in the doorway and asking ‘before I do anything stupid, it isn’t really a drink that you are after, right?’

‘No. In fact, all I’ve got is tap water’ you said almost embarrassed and, just after you did, you found yourself pinned against the wall and Cillian crashed his lips onto yours in a haste.

You parted your lips slightly, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth and explore yours in a passionate kiss.

With one foot, you pushed your apartment door closed behind you before you gave into the Cillian completely.

‘Not fire safety compliant’ Cillian murmured as your lips drifted apart, causing you to look at him with some confusion.

‘The door. It’s opening into the wrong direction’ Cillian chuckled, causing you to raise your eyebrows and start to laugh.

‘You are weird’ you chuckled before you pressed your lips back onto his, thinking why on earth he would have noticed this in the heat of the moment.

‘Coming from the woman with a Harry Potter tattoo beneath her left breast’ Cillian chuckled after your lips drifted apart again momentarily and he began to unbutton your mustard-coloured vintage shirt.

‘What can I say…I am magic’ you chuckled before you pulled him closer again for another kiss.

Each and every kiss was passionate and urgent, full of desire for each other.

‘Didn’t we say we wouldn’t do this again?’ you asked as your shirt landed on the floor.

‘You are the one who initiated it by asking me upstairs for a glass of tap water’ Cillian chuckled. ‘Do you want to stop?’ he then asked, causing you to shake your head and pull his t-shirt over his head exposing his bare chest.

‘Didn’t think so’ Cillian smirked before he trailed kisses over your breasts, which were still covered by a black lace bra, and then all the way down to your stomach. He dropped to his knees slowly while his lips explored your body and his hands began to fondle with the button and zipper of your jeans, pushing them down gently.

You let out a soft moan as his hands ran over the front of your treasure. His face was awfully close to your most intimate area and you could feel his hot breath on your wet mound, fanning through the lace of your panties.

With your jeans stuck over your ankles, Cillian pushed your legs apart with his hands as wide as he could.

‘Don’t move’ he instructed, causing you to take in a sharp inhale and, just as you did, he hooked the index fingers of both of his hands into the hem of your panties and pulled them down all the way to your ankles.

You wanted to push your legs together, feeling vulnerable now that he got such a close look at your wet mound. But, Cillian’s hands wouldn’t allow as he held your thighs in place while pushing you all the way back at the freshly painted wall of your apartment.

Cillian then moved to your inner thighs and his soft, wet tongue administered little licks, alternating with kisses, as he moved back and forth between your left and right thigh, ascending higher and higher as he did.

‘Hmm….fuck’ you moaned in anticipation, causing Cillian to smile against the flesh of your right thigh before looking up at you for a brief moment, his blue eyes meeting yours.

You bit your lip suggestively and then watched as that pink, wet, soft tongue of his slid out of his mouth in a flattened state and land on the right outer lip of your wet mound.

A loud moan escaped you as soon as his tongue moved closer towards your centre, giving your slit a very long, very slow, torturous lick.

You placed your hands on his head and ran your fingers through his hair as his tongue licked up and down before sinking it into your entrance once slightly, making you squirm.

‘Hold still’ he instructed as he pushed your thighs apart again with his hands.

With both outer lips equally swollen, you watched as he made his tongue pointed again, spreads your swollen outer lips and then licks both of your inner lips from back to front at the same time, sending shivers down your spine. He then ran his tongue over your clit hood and gently pulled the hood back, revealing your swollen, throbbing, pulsing clit.

‘Cillian, fuck’ you moaned as he continued to lick you. He took his time, slowly licking all of the surfaces of your clit.

Unlike most men you've been with, he knew what he was doing and you soon began to shudder and shake as he covered this territory.

After as little as ten minutes, you could feel yourself getting close to your high.

‘Cillian, don’t fucking stop’ you moaned as your hands held onto his head firmly as he continued to suck on your clit gently.

Your orgasm washed over you almost instantly and you lost all of your self-control while Cillian kept pushing your legs apart with his hands and stimulating your clit with his mouth.

Your legs wanted to give way shortly after you came down from your high and Cillian got off his knees quickly before pressing his lips onto yours in a haste, wanting you to taste your own juices that had pooled across his lips.

You moaned into his mouth while your hand reached between the both of you, running over his erection which was trapped beneath his tight jeans.

‘I am not done yet’ Cillian said as he moved your hand away from his crotch and pinned you back against the wall, kissing you again passionately.

While he was kissing you, he ran his hand over your wet mound, collecting your wet juices with his fingers before bring his finger up to your mouth.

You took his fingers into your mouth, licking them suggestively until he pulls them away from your mouth again.

Without words, his blue eyes starred into yours, full of want and desire and, without you noticing, his hand returned back in between your legs where he now, effortlessly, slid both of his fingers into your warmth.

You let out a loud moan, while Cillian looked at you, taking in your facial expressions. His lips were parted slightly as he observed your moans and you leaned forward to kiss him, but he wouldn’t allow it.

Within a few seconds, he found the magic spot inside of you and proceeded to tease it with his fingertips.

‘Holy Fucking Christ’ you screamed in shock. No one, not even yourself, had found this spot before and your legs were ready to give in right then and there.

‘Oh my god, stop…I mean don’t stop. Fuck, this is intense’ you said with laboured breathing as you starred at Cillian who responded with a satisfied grin.

‘Just relax and let go’ Cillian said before he pressed his lips back onto yours.

The pressure he used was gentle at first until he could feel you relax, which is when he increased his movements. You were already wet but, when his fingers massaged your g-spot, you began dripping on to the dark wooden floor.

‘Cillian, fuck fuck fuck, oh god’ you moaned as you felt a sensation you never felt run through your body. It was more intense than anything else you had ever experienced and, without being able to control yourself, you screamed loudly as your walls began to tighten around his fingers.

‘That’s it baby’ Cillian said as he watched your eyes close shut and listened to your loud moans while another orgasm washed over you.

As he did, he could feel a gush of wetness run over his hand and down to the floor, But you didn’t notice, you were in a trance, your legs were shaking by that point and you were entirely consumed by the most intense orgasm you ever had.

As you came down from your high, the wall behind you preventing you from collapsing to the floor, you looked at Cillian in disbelieve before noticing the puddle of clear liquid that had formed on the floor.

Cillian grinned, his tongue running over his lips suggestively as he watched your embarrassment.

‘Oh my god, what the fuck. This never happened before’ you said somewhat embarrassed when you noticed the puddle.

‘I am good then’ Cillian said before he pressed his lips back onto yours and wiped his hand on his jeans.

‘I am so sorry’ you said as your lips drifted apart, your mind filled with embarrassment about the mess you just made.

‘For this? Don’t be ridiculous’ Cillian said before kissing you again. ‘In fact, I think it’s sexy’ he added after your lips drifted apart.

‘Would you like to break in my new bed?’ you smirked as you took off the remainder of your clothes and indicating to Cillian to follow you.

‘It would be my pleasure’ Cillian smirked before he quickly kicked off his shoes and picked you up, remembering the location well from the last time he visited you.

As he held you against him and walked, you could feel his hardness pressing into you through his jeans and throbbing against your wet and naked mound.

He carried you to your bed and, with one swift movement, you found yourself with your back on the mattress.

As he took off his jeans and briefs all at the same time, Cillian couldn’t help but stare at your naked beauty, right there in front of him.

You could see his body respond as his hard member twitched and a few drops of precum escaped and fell to your bedroom floor.

You didn’t have to wait long for him to join you on the bed, hoovering over you and planting kisses over your body before meeting your lips again.

Then your lips were sucking and nibbling on his as he pulled away after each kiss, teasing you and occasionally your tongues would meet and fight each other.

No one ever kissed you quite like he did. It was intense and full of desire. Each kiss was different, new and exciting.

After your lips drifted apart again and while Cillian once more tried to take control, directing you to the position he wanted you in, you pushed him beneath you instead, catching him by surprise.

‘Do you have condoms?’ you asked as he was lying beneath you, thinking that you should have thought about this much earlier.

‘What happened to the ones from last time?’ Cillian asked as his hands continued to trail over your body, paying particular attention to your breasts.

‘They are in Kurt’s desk which is now in Kurt’s office’ you said, causing Cillian to laugh.

‘I can get dressed and walk to the shop. It isn’t far’ Cillian suggested before letting out a deep sigh knowing that his erection would defiantly not come down if he had to walk to the shops.

‘I am on birth control and, after Kurt, I just had all of my check-ups done’ you said, causing Cillian to nod in agreement before trying to take charge once again. But you wouldn’t budge and held him down against the bed playfully.

‘You really don’t like to give up control, do you?’ you grinned, causing Cillian to respond with a quiet chuckle.

‘No, but I am willing to try if you manage to tame me’ he winked jokingly before trying to pull you closer for another kiss.

‘I think I might just have the right thing for you Mr Murphy’ you grinned as you pulled away and reached for your bedside table.

From your bedside table, you pulled out a pair of leather handcuffs and held them up suggestively.

‘Do I get to use them on you some time?’ Cillian chuckled before he willingly put his hands above his head, ready for you to tie him against the metal frame of your bedhead.

‘Maybe’ you smirked as you secured the cuffs against his wrists and the bedhead, leaving him completely at your mercy.

By this time, the windows of your bedroom had become foggy, with precipitation running down the inside of them and the room was starting to smell like two people in heat, lust filling the air.

With Cillian’s wrists tied to the bedhead, you were now the one who hoovered over Cillian, planting kisses over him and rubbing your wet folds over his upper thighs suggestively. Random drops of his precum were caught by your skin and you got intermittent glimpses of his cock, still rigid this whole time.

He hated and loved the way you were teasing him all at the same time until, finally, you made your descent over his perfectly shaped chest and stomach and all the way down towards his hard member.

Cillian inhaled sharply as he watched you lick his precum of his cockhead, using your tongue only.

He pulled on his restraints, desperate for you to take his rigid member into your mouth as you continued to tease him with only small licks.

‘Patience’ you whispered before, finally, you took all of him deep into your mouth, making him groan loudly as he bottomed out in your throat.

Whilst your hands paid attention to his balls, you began to bob your head up and down before taking his hard shaft into one of your hands and licking around his tip only.

After about ten minutes, Cillian’s breathing soon became laboured and you knew that he was getting close as you could feel his cock pulsate inside your mouth.

‘Fuck Y/N’ he moaned until, eventually, your motions came to a halt and you shifted your body back up towards his until your lips met his once again.

While you exchanged a passionate kiss, you swung one leg over Cillian’s waist and reached between you, holding his hard shaft and carefully guiding it inside you.

‘Jesus’ was all that escaped him after your lips drifted apart and you lowered yourself onto him, taking inch by inch of his cock inside of you until you sat flush against him.

‘Hmm yes’ you moaned as you could feel all of him inside of you, stretching you and filling you completely.

‘Fuck you feel good’ Cillian moaned, trying to pull against his restraints in order to touch you. But his efforts were futile.

His warm cock felt amazing inside you and, once you adjusted to his size, you began to move, up and down, backwards and forwards.

You flicked your head back, riding him fast and hard. His breath was laboured and it was obvious to you that he was enjoying it, no longer trying to get out of his restraints.

‘God damn Y/N’ Cillian groaned as he watched your breasts bounce slightly up and down with every movement and it wasn’t long until your fingernails dug down into his chest, leaving some visible marks.

‘Come inside me’ you moaned, turned on by the thought of it and this was all he needed to hear in order to let go completely.

‘I am so fucking close’ you moaned and Cillian groaned in sync with you as he tried to thrust back up into you despite the restraints.

‘Fuck Y/N’ he moaned again, his cock beginning to throb inside of you and, just as he groaned once last time, you screamed his name as your third orgasm washed over you.

Cillian and you came together, in sync, and your walls contracted just as he filled you with his warm cum.

After you rode out your orgasm, you slowly uncuffed him before lifting your body up slowly, allowing his cock to slide out of you.

You could feel his cum leak from your core and down your thigh as you got up.

‘Oh wow’ you grinned sheepishly as you noticed the large amount of cum on your core and thigh.

‘Yeah sorry, it’s been like a week’ Cillian chuckled but you didn’t mind at all and collected some of it with your finger. You brought your finger to your mouth, licking it suggestively.

Your actions caused Cillian to raise his eyebrows and stare at you in disbelieve.

‘Well, I wanted to see what you taste like’ you smirked before you collapsed next to him.

You curled up against Cillian’s chest while he wrapped his arms around you, his fingers gently tracing over your back.

You pulled the sheets over you, feeling the cold air passing through the room, the heat of Cillian’s naked body radiating to yours.

‘I don’t really want to get up’ Cillian said, half covered by your sheets, starring at you with his deep blue eyes.

‘Then don’t. Stay here tonight’ you smiled before pulling him close for another kiss.

‘It’s only 8 o’clock Y/N. I probably should go’ Cillian said, causing you to pout.

‘I could order some chinese and a bottle of wine…we can watch a movie and then we can fuck again’ you suggested, causing Cillian to laugh.

‘I didn’t think that you could handle any more’ Cillian chuckled as he could see the exhaustion on your face.

‘Oh trust me, I can’ you said.

Cillian reluctantly agreed and you got up from beneath the sheets to get your phone to place the order.

Luckily, your apartment was a loft style studio penthouse and your large bed was in the middle of the large room, right in front of your flat screen TV.

‘What do you want to watch?’ Cillian asked as he flicked through the movies on Netflix and you finally agreed on a scary movie you had heard about from your sister.

But, neither of you paid much attention to the rather horrible movie. You enjoyed your chinese food and wine and joked, talked about almost anything and everything until, finally, the credits came on.

‘That was terrible’ Cillian laughed and you agreed and apologised for your choice of movie.

‘At least the main actor was hot’ you giggled as you got up and placed the chine food containers into the bin in your kitchen area.

‘Do you want me to introduce you?’ Cillian chuckled.

‘Nah, I don’t get involved with actors’ you said as you sneaked back under the covers. You were both still completely naked, covered by the doona.

‘Is that right?’ Cillian laughed before his lips crashed back onto yours and you quickly found yourself beneath him.

‘I can’t believe you can actually go again’ you said delighted as you could feel his hard member poke against your upper thigh, causing Cillian to chuckle.

‘Well, I am in bed with a very sexy woman…one who doesn’t get involved with actors apparenty….so maybe I should leave’ Cillian joked as he ran his hand through your hair gently.

‘I will make an exception for you’ you smirked just before Cillian got up from the bed and walked to your bathroom ensuite.

Seconds later, he returned with a large white towel and placed it onto the bed, causing you to look at him with surprise.

But, before you could put any more thought to it, he kneeled on the bed and took your legs, putting them over his shoulders.

‘Uhm…’ you said, somewhat surprised by his choice of position and, before you could say anything else, he interlaces your fingers with his and you felt the head of his cock rest against your entrance.

Cillian shifted his hips back and forth, running the length of his shaft and head over your wet folds and then pushed the head into your already soaking entrance.

You take a deep, shuddering breath as you felt his swollen cockhead push your lips aside and stretch you.

Your walls relaxed while you felt even more wetness flowing from you as Cillian gently pressed forward and you could feel your walls stretch around him once again.

Cillian leaned forward, bending at the waist while he entered you slowly and fully until he bottomed out inside of you and there it was again, this unfamiliar feeling.

You let out a loud moan as you could feel the tip of his cock press against your g-spot which was when you began to realise why he chose this position and why had placed a towel beneath you.

‘You are so fucking beautiful’ he whispered while you watched as he started to pull out again almost all the way before pushing back in and pausing when his cockhead hits your g-spot again.

‘Cillian, oh god’ you moaned as, with some subtle movements of his hips, he rubbed the head against your g-spot, making your fingers and toes curl.

Then he pulled out again almost all the way as he waited a few seconds for you to swell tighter. During that time, he ran his fingertips up and down your thighs and gave you grin before he started thrusting back into you again. He was slow and gentle, similar to when he his fingers first stimulated your sweet spot.

Once Cillian felt you relax completely and give in to the sensation of being penetrated this way, his thrusts became more forceful and fast.

The temperature of your apartment had increased significantly as sweat starts pouring down your bodies. Your juices once again started dripping from you and down his shaft. Your wetness was pooling underneath you two.

Cillian watched your toned stomach muscles flex as you cannot stay still as he reached down to rub your clit in circles, clockwise and counterclockwise while continuing his thrusting. Your breathing, which had started to become irregular, was now erratic. He smiled and enjoyed watching your breasts jiggle everywhere as you squirmed, trying to hold still.

Most of your body has now become a little numb, and as you felt him pulse and throb deep inside you and hear him moving in and out of your wetness, your eyes start glazing over a bit and rolling back into your head.

And then the intense feeling started again, at the top of your head. You couldn’t completely explain it and it was the most calm, relaxing feeling but with an undercurrent of tension that just gradually builds as that feeling flows over your face, neck, breasts, stomach, arms, and legs. When the feeling hit between your legs, your walls clamped down as hard as they could on his thick shaft.

‘Cillian, fuck…please don’t stop’ you moaned and with a loud cry, your body began to shiver, quiver, shake, bend, shudder, and contort as a multiwave orgasm rolled through you. Each wave feeling like a lightning bolt from head to toe as your tension lessened with each episode. Cillian pinned you down as you could not possibly stay still as he watched you writhe in ecstasy.

You almost blacked out as your whole body couldn’t stop coming. Just like the last time when Cillian massaged your g-spot, the pool of juices beneath you had quickly become a puddle and you could soon feel his balls swell up against your mound.

When your walls tightened around him, you could feel his cum rising within his shaft just before, with one loud groan, he filled you again with his warm seed.

Small tears fell from your eyes as you finally came down from your high and Cillian carefully pulled out of you, allowing you to rest your legs on the mattress.

‘Fuck Y/N, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I?’ Cillian asked as soon as he noticed your teary eyes and flushed face.

‘No, it was just…’ you said as you took a deep breath before continuing your sentence. ‘It was very fucking intense’ you said, your breath heavy.

‘In a good way I hope’ Cillian chuckled before pressing his lips onto yours.

‘In the best way’ you giggled before you curled up against him.

After several gentle kisses and your hands roaming each other’s bodies, you eventually both drifted off to sleep.

***The Watch***

The following morning, you were both woken up by Cillian’s phone ringing at 8 o’clock. It was Kurt and he was persistent after Cillian didn’t pick up the first time.

Half asleep, with your head still resting on his chest, he answered the phone and talked to him.

‘Hey Kurt, what’s up?’ Cillian asked as he was waking up slowly while you began to trace your fingers over Cillian’s chest, playing with the little bit of chest hair.

‘I got the schedule last night and wondered whether you want to talk about it’ Kurt said politely just as Cillian wiggled around, stretching himself while you planted small kisses over his chest and down towards your stomach.

‘Uhm, talk…yes’ Cillian said as he raised an eyebrow when he noticed that you disappeared beneath the doona, your hands running over his upper thighs.

‘Could you come to my office in an hour?’ Kurt asked as Cillian took in a deep breath as your hands ran over his hardening cock.

‘Fuck’ was all that escaped him as he suddenly felt your warm lips wrapped around his base and he instantly went completely hard in your mouth.

‘Cillian?’ Kurt asked surprised by Cillian’s response.

‘Yes…fuck…sorry…9 o’clock?’ Cillian asked as he tried hard not to moan while you began to bob your head up and down, occasionally twirling your tongue over his head.

‘Yeah, if that’s alright?’ Kurt asked again, somewhat concerned by Cillian’s strange responses.

‘Yeah…’ Cillian responded before holding his breath, a deep groan stuck in his throat.

‘Can you call Y/N? She is being a fucking cunt not picking up my calls even though we need to work together on this’ Kurt complained.

‘Mhhm…’ Cillian said, pretending to listen to what Kurt was saying while you swallowed his length whole, moving your head up and down over and over again.

‘I actually think she is seeing someone’ Kurt went on to say as you ran your tongue piercing up and down Cillian’s shaft.

‘Aha’ Cillian responded trying to hold back his release, so close to coming.

‘I have to go man’ Cillian barely managed to say as your hands wrapped around his tight balls.

‘See you soon’ Kurt said before hanging up and just as he did a loud groan fell from Cillian’s lip.

‘Fuck Y/N’ he moaned just as his shaft pulsated heavily and he filled your mouth with his warm and sweet cum.

You looked up from beneath the doona, opening your mouth slightly and suggestively before swallowing all of it with a grin.

‘So, what did my ex want?’ you asked sheepishly, causing Cillian to chuckle.

‘You are so fucking bad’ he laughed before pulling you close for a kiss and telling you about the meeting.

‘You didn’t last very long despite your conversation with Kurt’ you giggled as you jumped up, walking towards the shower.

‘What can I say, blow jobs are my weakness especially coming from someone so talented’ Cillian smirked before he grabbed you from behind, kissing your neck and following you to the shower.

‘But, that’s not to say that we can’t keep going in the shower’ he grinned and so you went, spending twenties minutes making love while streams of hot water ran over your bodies.

After you came out of the shower and starred into the mirror you noticed that both, Cillian and you, were covered with small little bruises, scratches and bite marks.

You never quite had a night like this with anyone before and you weren’t ashamed. Nonetheless, you opted for a turtle neck jumper and some tight jeans.

Cillian had no choice but to wear the clothes he wore the night before, including the pair of jeans which had some obvious stains.

‘Sorry’ you chuckled as you noticed the stains.

‘Don’t worry. I’ll throw them in the wash and they’ll be grand’ he chuckled before you both walked to his car.

Ten minutes later, you arrived at Kurt’s office together and you felt the need to explain to him that your car broke down and Cillian was kind enough to offer to pick you up.

Kurt wasn’t suspicious by the fact that you arrived together, nor was he suspicious about the little bruises on Cillian’s neck. It was something else that, during your meeting with him, caught his attention and this was Cillian’s watch. It looked awfully familiar.

An hour into your meeting, rewriting half of the schedule because of Kurt being difficult and Cillian continuing to argue with him, Amanda and Jeremy arrived as well to finalise the advertising campaign for the music part of the festival.

Immediately, as soon as Amanda walked into Kurt’s office, she pulled Cillian aside.

‘Where the fuck were you last night?’ she asked quietly but everyone heard it, causing Jeremy to laugh.

‘I don’t think I have to answer that Amanda’ Cillian responded with some irritation before taking the paper schedule off Kurt and walking to the utilities room. Of course, she noticed the small bruises on his neck. It was obvious to her that he’s been with another woman.

You and Jeremy followed Cillian knowing very well that, the last time he tried to use the copier in the utilities room, he almost broke it and one of the administration assistants had banned him from ever touching it again.

As you were gone, Kurt had time to speak to Amanda in private.

‘I think I have an idea as to where Cillian may have been last night’ he chuckled, catching Amanda’s interest.

#cillian murphy #Cillian Murphy x Reader #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x y/n

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nmikaelsonimagines · 4 years ago

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Right Where You Left Me: A Klaus Mikaelson Imagine

Request from @s-r-amikaelson: hi, lovely, i saw your "Evermore" list, so could please do a Klaus x Reader with the song "right where you left me" from Taylor? Kisses, sweetie

Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x

Want to hear the song? Find a link to it just below:

Right Where You Left Me

Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies

He wouldn’t be there to see it all happen.

Klaus wouldn’t be by your side, watching the world change like he had for so many centuries. He wouldn’t watch your friends get married, the idea of your own wedding disintegrating before your very eyes.

He wouldn’t be there to watch his daughter grow up, to watch her become the bright young girl that she was destined to be. He wouldn’t be there to listen to you tell her stories all about her father, to watch you cry in the shadows when she was fast asleep, missing him deeply.

He wouldn’t be there to watch humans crumble into ash, as they always did, buried in the New Orleans graveyard where their loved ones came to see them. He wouldn’t be there to watch any of it.

He wouldn’t be there to watch the seasons change, the leaves falling, holding your hand as you walked through the woods, talking about everything and nothing.

That’s what ran through your head when he looked at you for the final time, sorrow in his eyes, when he whispered that single word that only you could hear.

“Run.”

And you did, his screams as Marcel plunged that dagger into him echoing in your ears for years to come.

But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other

One year.

One year without him. Hope was three now, walking and calling you her auntie. She had picked up a particular affinity for colouring in, not quite staying in the lines, but that didn’t matter. She had adopted her father’s artistic ability, it seemed.

You looked over at her latest picture, telling Hayley you would tidy up, letting the hybrid get an early night. Hope was already in bed, fast asleep.

You hadn’t slept in a year. Not when you knew that Klaus was in unimaginable pain. Maybe it would have been better if you had the support of his family around, but they were just as incapacitated. You picked up Hope’s picture and made your way to the attic.

It was dark, and you struck a match to light the candle on the wall, the only source of light in that dingy old place. Four coffins came into your view and you strode over to the nearest one. Elijah.

You picked up the book you had left there from the night before and sat. The pages stuck together, but that was its age. “You’re missing out on this one, Elijah. Klaus always told you it was a good read.”

And you started to read, Hope’s picture on your lap as you were reminded of her father, voice catching as you tried not to cry.

Wages earned and lessons learned But I, I'm right where you left me

Two years.

Two years without him. Hope had just turned four, her artistic ability improving as she had gotten better at staying in the lines. The question she asked you still echoed in your ears, your heart hurting as you answered it with a smile. “Do you think Daddy will like this when he comes home, Auntie Y/N?”

When he comes home. Her innocent hopefulness kept you sane most days.

You had gotten a job now, a waitress in a restaurant downtown where no-one knew your name or who your family was. It was something to get you out of the house, to keep your mind off the thought of Klaus going through hell. At first, it had been great, but then your boss had put you on night shifts, and that was when the undesirables came out to play.

You hung your coat up before making your way up to the attic, the ghost of that man’s hands still making you cringe. It wasn’t the first time someone had shown more than an interest in you, but you had always had someone to help you escape.

You walked over to her coffin and sat. You put your hand on the lid, and sighed. “Hey, Bex. Could have used you today.” Rebekah was always the one to get you out of those sorts of situations, usually with a threatening comment. “Klaus would have lost his mind.”

Klaus, always the jealous type, would have run to avenge you. You had always moaned about it, but this time, you realised you missed it.

Missed him.

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light

Three years.

Three years without him. Hope was five now, and had moved from colouring in to painting. You had bought her a set of block paints for her birthday and were more than happy to watch her paint flowers with five red petals and a yellow centre, green stalks leading down to two leaves at the bottom. More often than not, she ended up with more of it on her hands than on the paper, and she liked to make you laugh by painting your cheeks with it.

To make you smile for when Daddy comes home, she would say, your heart breaking.

You had quit your job after one too many handsy customers. You were just happy to be the woman in the corner of the restaurant, staring at a whiskey, passers-by telling you to cheer up because it might never happen.

You stumbled home after such an occurrence, alcohol slurring your movements. They were right, you needed some fun, but the only person you could think of having such fun with was lying in a coffin. Up in the attic again, you made your way over to where Kol Mikaelson rested, perhaps in more danger than any of his siblings.

“Don’t you die on me, you git.” You patted the lid of the coffin, the familiar nickname rolling off your tongue. “I need someone to get into trouble with.” You chuckled, remembering. “Someone else for Klaus to shout at.”

Klaus, whose shouts had been turned into agonising screams.

They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop

Four years.

Four years without him. Hope was a lively six-year-old now, and her artistic skills had improved greatly. Actual pictures were created now, an ability to rival anyone of her age, maybe even her father one day. But you still held onto that first coloured-in picture, keeping it safe to show to Klaus when he came home.

When. You tried to hold onto Hope’s optimism, but it had been four years now and you were finding it difficult. You still held onto your spot in the corner of the restaurant, watching customers look at you with pity in their eyes. The worst was the recently engaged couple, the woman’s hair pinned up to make her look like a film star.

Once, you had got ready for parties and made an effort to look like that. But, you’d always had help from a friend, a sister really. Of course, that witch was now sleeping with her siblings.

You sat by Freya’s coffin, cross-legged, and laid your head on the lid. “You would have loved her dress, Freya. She walked in and it was like everything just stopped. You remember when people used to look at us like that?” You smiled, remembering your entrances to such parties. “But all I ever cared about was Klaus.”

He would take your arm and lead you to the dance floor, laughing as you tried not to step on his toes.

You had never wanted to dance more.

Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

Five years.

Five years without him. Hope was now seven, a fact that didn’t seem possible. You looked at her in the garden, her little easel set up as she painted, the sun shining down on her. You took a sip of your water, having moved away from alcohol at Hayley’s request. When Klaus came home, he wouldn’t want the love of his life to be a drunken mess, and Hope certainly didn’t want that of her auntie.

When. It seemed like such a useless word. The world was changing before your eyes, and you were still here, waiting for something that would probably never happen. Hayley told you to keep the faith, but it was getting harder and harder with each day that passed. Speaking of, the hybrid walked over and took a seat next to you.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?” You continued to sip at your drink, looking at Hope.

“Look at me.” You turned to face Hayley, a smile playing on her lips. Her next words made you drop the glass you were holding, fragments scattering over the white tablecloth. But neither of you cared as the dust that had gathered on you as a result of waiting blew away.

“Y/N, it’s time.”

Time to get your family back. Time to get him back. Time for Klaus to come home.

They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

Five years and two days.

Five years and two days without him. Hope was excited to see her father, as were you. You had volunteered to stay and look after her while Hayley went to save the day. She had looked surprised when you suggested such a thing, but understood when you told her that you weren’t quite sure if you could face Klaus in that state, his screams from five years ago still waking you up in the night.

You sat on the sofa, staring into space, waiting and wondering. A small figure curling up next to you snapped you out of your thoughts. Hope. She should have been in bed, and you told her as much. She shook her head, and you knew she couldn’t sleep. Holding her hand tight, you led her back to her room. And that was when she asked.

“Tell me something about Dad.”

You smiled, knowing the perfect place to start. The story of how you met him, of how you had fallen in love with him, about how he was kind and gentle, fierce and protective when he needed to be. It wasn’t long before Hope had fallen asleep and you moved away as so not to wake her.

Then the headlights glared through the window.

Then, as Klaus had told you five years and two days ago, you ran.

Only this time, it wasn’t away from him.

Right where you left me You left me no, you left me no You left me no choice but to stay here forever

Five years, two days and three minutes.

Five years, two days and three minutes without him. Hope was fast asleep, but you didn’t care if you woke her when you opened the front door with such force, it hit the wall. You didn’t care when you saw them. Elijah, your reading partner. Rebekah, your wing-woman. Kol, your partner in crime. Freya, your dearest friend.

And then-

Klaus. He hadn’t noticed you yet, talking to his siblings. But when he turned, the smile in his lips transforming into a look of shock, everything stopped. You felt your heart heal itself when he walked towards you, disbelief in every step. “Hello.”

“Hi, Klaus.”

“You stayed?” You smiled, knowing that Klaus had always believed he didn’t deserve you, probably thought you would take his absence as an opportunity to move on.

“You kind of didn’t give me a choice.” You shrugged nonchalantly, earning a confused look from him. “I love you, you idiot.”

And then that shock turned back into a smile, a grin that stretched for miles. “And I you, Y/N.”

Five years, two days and three minutes.

You would never go that long without Klaus Mikaelson by your side again. You would make sure of that.

Masterlist

Evermore Masterlist

#TVD #tvd imagine #tvd imagines #the vampire diaries #to #the originals #the originals imagine #the originals imagines #klaus mikaelson imagine #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagines #klaus mikaelson x reader #niklaus mikaelson #niklaus mikaelson imagines #niklaus mikaelson imagine #niklaus mikaelson x reader #Joseph Morgan

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imagineabrighterworld · 4 years ago

Text

Summary// Ground Zero has been your crush since you were rescued by him, and ever since then, you've been writing love songs that your manager is sick and tired of hearing. One day on a live broadcast, you admit that the songs were inspired by your admiration for said hero. Little did you know, he was just in the other wing of the building getting his own interview done and decides to see you after the cameras are off.

A/N: I know his hero name is Dynamite but I wrote this before it was decided so I'm sticking with Ground Zero, sorry ^^;

————

You were never camera shy, you loved the stage and all that came with it. The lights, the flurry of makeup artists and the adrenaline rush of seeing the On-Air light turn red.

But the moment you saw him walk into the room, you swear your heart fell into your stomach and all the words you've ever sang were sucked right back into your throat.

- -

Ever since the accident that nearly took your life, you have been an active fan of Ground Zero. He was constantly in the news, either due to his heroics or due to being spotted with other top heroes such as Deku or Shoto. Considering he was their classmate in high school, the media gobbled up any coverage they could with the trio.

You on the other hand, were mostly into the tabloids for information on Ground Zero.

The accident was after one of your concerts. You had been on your way to your tour bus when a villain had attacked. Luckily none of your crew were hurt, but you were trapped under the rubble of the concert hall that had fallen when the villain rammed into the wall. It was cramped and had little oxygen, the air was full of dust and your lungs were heavy with the ash. You had broken your arm and had to use it to support yourself to keep from getting crushed under the rubble that was slowly but surely pressing down on you.

You had little hope for yourself as the rubble grew heavier, your arm giving out under the weight of your body, but before it could fully crush you, you heard the sounds of explosions.

Not long after, you felt the weight of the rubble lift.

Ground Zero had sent smaller blasts to break up the larger pieces of rubble before finally moving the giant piece that was pinning you to the ground. He scooped you up into his arms and murmured the same line under his breath as he brought you to the paramedics.

"You're safe now."

He lowered you onto the gurney and waited by you as the paramedics asked you questions, soon finding your rib was cracked as well. Ground Zero gave you a once over before parting with a quiet goodbye and a thank you to the medics that were helping you.

You didn't get the chance to thank him as the medics placed an oxygen mask on your face.

So you wrote him songs. You never used his name, but a hero was always implied when it came to songs about him. You tried to be subtle with the crush you had developed, but apparently you weren't subtle enough.

Your manager was sent an invitation for an interview to talk about your new album full of love songs. The album was crammed with songs about a one-sided pinning for someone who could never love back, but the last song was a ray of hope that they might find a way to each other.

Was it based on reality? No. Ground Zero couldn't have liked you like you liked him, he didn't know who he had saved and likely didn't look back on that event. He was a busy hero who saved people daily. He wouldn't know your name, but you could always dream maybe he would hold you like he did when you were hurt.

So there you were, in a chair with the lights on you and your interviewer.

"Your album is named Loved One, are you trying to send a message to a certain someone?" The man asks as he cleans his glasses with a wipe.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, a half smile on your face. "It's a love song for someone, yes. But if he's ever heard it I'm not sure."

"Your songs have been in the top ten, with Sweet Delights being number one for seven weeks straight. Surely he's heard one of them."

True. Your music was popular. But did he ever hear them? Would he know it was him you were talking about when you sang?

Of course not. That's why you wrote your feelings with no fear of being found out.

"He's a very special man, I can't say he has the time for music." You turn your face as a small blush fans your cheeks. "He's a hero, I'm sure he's too busy to listen to the radio."

The interviewer leans forward in his seat, a grin tugging at his lips. "A hero?"

The live audience begins to whisper and you can hear the names of heroes being tossed around.

Deku. Shoto. Chargebolt. Cellophane.

Ground Zero.

"Yeah." You chuckle. "He saved me during an accident. I'll be forever grateful to him for saving my life."

"Love at first attack."

"Something like that."

"What would you say to him if he were here right now?" The interviewer leans back in his seat.

You look down at your lap, twiddling with your thumbs as you try to come up with the words. You've written dozens of songs, but what words would you give him?

"Thank you. For being my hero. I've written you love songs I never thought you'd hear. Maybe I thought it would make you feel the same way I feel for you." You look up from your lap and chuckle, this time a tad bit weaker. "Silly isn't it? I get to know so much about him but I'm just a dime a dozen that he saves. He doesn't even know my name."

The interviewer scoots forward and hands you one of the tissue boxes on his desk. You aren't about to start crying but you appreciate the gesture and take it from him anyway.

"Love can be tough. But you've written plenty about it haven't you?"

A light chuckle comes from the crowd.

You smile. "I know enough about pinning for someone who will never know me."

"What is his name? Maybe we could get him on here, get you a coffee date." He says in a playful tone.

What's the worst that could happen?

"Well, this is a little embarrassing, but it's Ground Zero." You rub your neck as the crowd collectively gasps. "He saved me after a concert I held, and ever since then he's been on my mind. I thought it was creepy, so I figured I would use my music as an outlet. My album is dedicated to unrequited love and accepting it. Hopefully I'll accept it one day too."

For a moment the interviewer is quiet, but when you look closer you see a smile is building on his face.

He clears his throat and lifts his remote control to the screen behind the both of you. "Ironically, in the west wing of the building, we're holding an interview with Ground Zero himself."

The screen turns on to show Ground Zero seated with his own interviewer.

They were watching your interview live.

And he just heard your admission to liking him.

Your grip on the tissue box tightens as you see his eyes scanning you.

Oh god you were going to be sick.

He stands up and walks out of the room. All you feel is lead in your gut as you watch the television move onto commercial.

Your interviewer presses on the Bluetooth in his ear and nods along to whatever the people were saying. But you didn't want to hear any of it. All you felt was dread.

He heard.

He must think you were crazy. It was his job to save people! He didn't do it out of chivalry or kindness like some knight in a fairytale!

You let go of the box and cover your face with your hands. The crowd was talking now, you couldn't catch what they were saying but they were going wild.

Deciding to see what was getting the crowd so riled up, you look to the doors.

And there he is.

Standing across the room with his eyes glued to yours.

- -

So there you are. No words were forming and you felt like you were being sucked into the Twilight Zone.

The crowd cheers as he walks down the aisle in his full gear and makes his way straight to you.

You cover your face again as the interviewer speaks to him.

"The man of the hour, Ground Zero ladies and gentlemen!" He announces, but the crowd was already roaring with energy.

You feel the hero stand in front of you, mostly because he blocked your light, and soon you were wondering if you could sink into the cushions and disappear forever. Let Loved One be your momento mori, your swan song before you disappeared off the face of the earth.

"Hey."

No no no no- no!

You hear his gear shift and from the cracks between your fingers you see him crouch in front of you.

"Stop filming." He says to the interviewer.

"We still have five minutes to break-" The interviewer starts up but stumbles on his words. You hear the pop of small explosions and the murmur of the crowd.

"Break for two!" The producer calls from backstage.

"Hey."

This time, you lower your hands to cover your mouth, looking at Ground Zero with half of your face covered.

He looked just as he had when he rescued you, minus him being in his winter gear. But it was all the same. Even the tone he was using with you. Like you were fragile.

"Did you mean it?" He asks, his head nodding towards the screen above. "What you said about me."

"I.. I did." You uncover your face, using your nervous energy to hold onto the box of tissues instead, squeezing the life out of the poor box. "Every word. You saved me and I'm grateful." You look down in shame, unable to utter the next words while looking him in the face. "I- I know it's weird, to like someone you know so little about-”

"Bakugou Katsuki."

"Huh?"

"My name, is Bakugou Katsuki." He grips your chin gently and tugs you to look at him. He had a small grin on his face. "Go to dinner with me and I'll debate letting you call me Katsuki."

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maroucia · 3 years ago

Text

Sansan Russian Roulette, summer 2021: the fills!

Here’s all the fills with links for the SanSan Russian Roulette 2021. Thanks everyone for your participation! 😄

Links under the cut!

1. Meet Me In The Moonlight Author: Fleurdeplume: “Dusk. Secret meetings. Stolen kiss. Sansa looks like a little bird but deep down, she's a wolf.” (Prompt from Lysae).

2. Broken Like Me Author: TheImmaculateBastard: “Inspired by a tweet, "I don't know what just happened, but I was at an animal shelter before work and a toddler walked in, pointed to me, and said “I want that one”. His mother looked at me and said “you can’t have that, that’s a grown man”” (Prompt from Lorel).

3. The Eyes Have It Author: Jadedelcinismo: “Sansa is in love with Sandor and is jealous of someone in his life. Canon/AU, your choice.” (Prompt from Missy-1978).

4. A Long Time Coming Author: Vermilion_Sunrise: “Sandor tucks Sansa in bed after her first day as Queen in the North.” (Prompt from Prettybadmagic).

5. Russian Roulette Author: Meganfence: “Fight, argument or other disagreement. Open to interpretation, minor or major.” (Prompt from Redbirdblackdog).

6. One Picture Author: Sharkaria: “Sandor discovers he's got a good eye for photography. He fills his time taking pictures of his urban landscape, until he spies a Little Bird Muse...” (Prompt from Glamgrowl).

7. The Season Author: Missy-1978: “Kinda stole this from the Discord, but I love a forced marriage trope! Maybe Sansa got left at the altar and Sandor steps in last minute. Or a role reversal where she has to marry him to save his honor. Something fun and unexpected, can be modern or set in GOT world.” (Prompt from Atomic-bomb-shell).

8. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓒𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓲𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓘𝓷𝓿𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓭... Author: TailBobSquid: “Jumanji AU - either a game that they are playing comes to life or they get sucked into a game that they are playing.” (Prompt from ReadyReaderOne).

9. Magic Act! Author: Prettybadmagic: “Sandor is going to do it. He's going to do the kiss your best friend challenge. The friend he just happens to have been in love with since day one.” (Prompt from Islandida).

10. You should meet my Sister Author: Glamgrowl: “Feel good and funny modern au where all Starks are alive and well. Sansa makes the first move on Sandor even though she's not sure she's his type as he is much older and works a blue collar job. (Please no Joffrey bashing) Cameos from other Starks would be awesome but not necessary.” (Prompt from Rayne).

11. better days (just around the corner) Author: Glitterswitch: “Bakery/coffee shop AU Stranger is Sandor’s service animal.” (Prompt from OrangeTabby).

12. A Thin Line Author: LittleWolfBird: “Sandor joins the Stark family traveling circus when he sees a casting call for "freaks." Bonus points for Sansa on trapeze or tightrope.” (Prompt from GlitterGoth114).

13. Feels Like Spring Author: Diverse.lorde: “Sansa playing her high harp (or other instrument) and singing a song that she wrote about/for Sandor.” (Prompt from Neleam).

14. Going Viral Author: Lysae: “Sandor finds out Sansa made him TikTok famous after a video of him goes viral: Sansa: hey can I have x/can we go to y? Sandor: no. Sansa, in a sweet voice: pretty please? Sandor, huffing: fine (Daddy on the end of pretty please would be lovely, but if Daddy Sandor isn’t your thing, no problem).” (Prompt from TailBobSquid).

15. The Package Author: OrangeTabby: “Mafia AU, fancy party. Dominant Sandor, thirsty Sansa Sandor in a suit, hand tattoos, creeping neck tattoo, whiskey - Sansa thirsting.” (Prompt from Meganfence).

16. I Wonder That Too, Ser Chirrup Author: Neleam: “Sanson Stark has always been the dutiful yet idealist second son of House Stark. Sandra Clegane is a Silent sister who has been disappointed by the very songs she once admired. A knight of the Seven and a handmaiden of the Stranger unexpectedly find comfort in each other.” (Prompt from Jadedelcinismo).

17. Good Girl Author: Redbirdblackdog: “Sansa gets her first tattoo by none other than the famous tattoo artist "The Hound". When she's in pain, she exhales slowly and Sandor says, "Good girl". Sexual tension ensues. (This prompt was inspired by a meme.)” (Prompt from Thequeen--in--thenorth).

18. Ever the Same Author: Thequeen--in--thenorth: “Following a tumultuous few years, Sansa has spent every penny she's ever earned on a quiet cottage, surrounded by forest and wildlife. Not long after moving, a strange man appears in the pond near her home, half-alive and unable to remember anything about himself except his name: Sandor.” (Prompt from Suzi).

19. Closure's Overrated Author: Atomic-bomb-shell: “Crust punk modern AU. Sandor is a crustie squatting in the backyard of an abandoned house. Sansa is a friendly neighbor who offers him a warm meal and access to her laundry room.” (Prompt from Diverse.lorde).

20. All Because of a Little Bird Author: Lorel: “Sansa manages a gallery in King’s Landing. After storming out of a fight with her boyfriend, she drives off into the countryside. That’s when she sees the most amazing art behind some dusty glass in a car repair shop. Now all she has to do is convince the artist, Sandor, to do a show at her gallery.” (Prompt from Vermilion_Sunrise).

21. Caught Author: GlitterGoth114: “Walked in on. Caught in the act. "Can opened, worms everywhere." (Prompt from TheImmaculateBastard).

22. Unanswered Author: Islandida: “Robb comes home from war with a big loyal man behind him. Sansa never thought she'd see her brother again let alone *him*. Modern au or canon.’’ (Prompt from LittleWolfBird).

23. Hajime (To Begin) Author: Rayne: “Modern AU: After finally getting out of an unhappy/controlling relationship with Joffrey that desecrated her self-worth, Sansa enrolls for self-defence classes with martial arts Master Clegane, who proceeds to build up her self esteem and fighting skills while the two fight their mutual attraction.” (Prompt from Fleurdeplume).

24. Thig crìoch air an t-saoghal, ach mairidh gaol Author: Suzi: “Prompt submission -- passionate time travel.” (Prompt from Sharkaria).

25. His flame Author: ReadyReaderOne: “Sansa leaves with the Hound that night. Their journey thru Westeros is loosely similar - Arya, Twins, etc. They find Elder Brother to help Sandor. After healing, all 3 head for Braavos, and the Dragon Queen. Lots of friendship/bonding b/t all 3; both defend Sandor from Dany. Devoted sansan, HEA!’’ (Prompt from Glitterswitch).

#sansan russian roulette summer 2021 #sansan russian roulette #sansan #fanfiction #sansan writers guild

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huayno · 3 years ago

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from neon genesis evangelion, vol. 12

The Mysterious Stranger

The Anime, the Manga, and the Mark Twain Novella

"God will provide for this kitten." "What makes you think so?" Ursula's eyes snapped with anger. "Because I know it!" she said. "Not a sparrow falls to the ground without His seeing it." "But it falls, just the same. What good is seeing it fall?"

—from The Mysterious Stranger

There is a short novel by Mark Twain, written near the end of his life and published posthumously, entitled The Mysterious Stranger. The tale is set in a small village in 16th century Austria, where three boys one day meet a young man different from themselves: "he had new and good clothes on, and was handsome and had a winning face and a pleasant voice, and was easy and graceful and unembarrassed, not slouchy and awkward and diffident, like other boys."

The mysterious stranger starts to do small but amazing tricks for them—causing water to turn to ice; conjuring grapes and bread out of air; even making birds that can fly out of clay. At last one boy, the story's narrator, works up the courage to ask the stranger who he is:

"'An angel,' he said, quite simply, and set another bird free and clapped his hands and made it flyaway."

The angel then proceeds to really impress them by making an entire toy castle, complete with five hundred miniature soldiers and workmen that move around by themselves. Naturally the boys get involved with this ultimate playset, making their own knights and cannon and cavalry, and although they get rather nervous again when the angel reveals his name is Satan, he assures them he is not that Satan, but only named after the fallen one.

"We others are still ignorant of sin; we are not able to commit it; we are without blemish, and we shall abide in that estate always." Distracted by two of the miniature workmen, "Satan reached out his hand and crushed the life out of them with his fingers... and went on talking where he had left off: 'We cannot do wrong; neither have we any disposition to do it, for we do not know what it is." Horrified as the other boys are, "he made us drunk with the joy of being with him and of looking into the heaven of his eyes, and of feeling the ecstasy that thrilled along our veins from the touch of his hand.'"

Yes, Kaworu Nagisa made quite an impression on the fans of Neon Genesis Evange/ion, despite the fact that, in the original broadcast version of the TV show (before it got all director's-cutted, box-setted, special-editioned, and platinum-lined) he shows up for only slightly less than thirteen minutes of total screen time, the climax of which being an entire minute where nothing happens at all.

That's what being a beautiful angel will do for you, especially when you make the most of your thirteen minutes on Earth by having a Whirlwind romance with the main character that ends in a lover's quarrel with Prog Knives and finally a voluntary martyrdom at the hand of your boy here. Relationships don't come any more tragic than that of Kaworu Nagisa and Shinji Ikari, and when fans (including this one) first saw it on TV, the affair was so brief and shocking the story logic of it didn't click in until much later.

In the anime, Kaworu is acknowledged as the Final Messenger, and, of all the Angels Shinji has to fight, this is the most ruthless battle, won at the highest possible cost to himself. It took even longer for me to realize that the showdown in episode 24 had also taken us full circle from Shinji's first fight in episodes 1 and 2, which emphasized his personal helplessness against the looming Angel Sachiel. Against Kaworu, it is the Angel who becomes the small, helpless figure, while Shinji is represented only by the gargantuan, frightful helm and arm of his Eva Unit-O1. We never see Shinji's human face once throughout the whole final minute of decision.

So as Col. Trautman would have said instead of Major Katsuragi, "It's over, Shinji! IT'S OVER!" Kaworu v. Shinji (or Kaworu x Shinji, in the doujinshi) was the big final showdown between humanity and the Angels. And with the outcome leaving Shinji at his most wretched ever, wouldn't it be nice if everyone just died—your wish being Eva's command, as it turns out that fortunately humanity hardly ever needed the Angels to slaughter itself.

"I am perishing already—I am failing—I am passing away. In a little while you will be alone in shoreless space, to wander its limitless solitudes without friend or comrade forever...But I, your poor servant, have revealed you to yourself and set you free. Dream other dreams, and better!"

—from The Mysterious Stranger

Satan's words near the end of Mark Twain's story also uncannily prefigure the end of the world and the Instrumentality project, both of which follow his death in the TV show in such quick order you picture Anno as a hairnetted fry cook dinging the counter bell. By now you see Sadamoto's handling of Kaworu, and perhaps nothing illustrates the different experiences of the manga and the anime better than his handling of this critical character.

No longer the last Angel to be fought, Kaworu actually becomes an active Eva pilot and fights an Angel—the dude even has the nerve to observe the fight is fixed, based on his knowledge of SEELE's prophecies. Sadamoto of course introduces him at an earlier point in the narrative—at the equivalent of episode 19's end—and then sends him to NERV near the equivalent of episode 22's beginning—before certain important events, to put it mildly, can occur. When one notes this kind of thing, of course, it's important to restate that the Evangelion manga has always been a separate but equal "official" version of Eva, with no particular obligation to align itself with the anime, and indeed it was with Book Five, the first released after The End of Evangelion, that Sadamoto began to truly seem free to go in his own direction.

Nevertheless, as the "other" official version of the Eva story, it is reasonable for fans to view it as an "alternate history" relative to the anime, and the way Kaworu has been introduced makes us realize the manga may end very differently indeed. Despite the fact we know here that Kaworu is an Angel from the very beginning, he appears destined to at least hang around long enough to pick up a few paychecks. It's not clear when your health benefits kick in at NERV, although if Ritsuko is your primary caregiver it might be best to forego them.

Sadamoto's remarks upon visiting the U.S. in 2003 indicated that the Eva manga might (might) be planned as a twelve-volume series in all. There is still plenty of room for speculation, as the slow working pace to which the artist himself often refers has of late become almost relativistic—as of this writing, it has been eight months since Sadamoto has drawn a new installment of Eva in Japan, and hence a Volume Ten is nowhere in sight. It may be small comfort, but those of you reading this are pretty much in the same drifting boat as the Japanese fans.

"An angel's love is sublime, adorable, divine, beyond the imagination of man—infinitely beyond it! But it is limited to his own august order. If it fell upon one of your race for only an instant, it would consume its object to ashes. No, we cannot love men but we can be harmlessly indifferent to them; we can also like them, sometimes."

—from The Mysterious Stranger

And with Book Nine we see the most staggering difference thus far between the manga and the anime; Sadamoto's Shinji doesn't even like Kaworu, much less love him. Of course, you could say the less-ethereal Kaworu of the manga is harder to love. I can't believe Sadamoto had him tell Rei he thought she'd be "heftier." And yet he did.

I don't think any A.T. Fields actually got penetrated in the anime; while I do think Shinji felt sexually attracted to Kaworu, and that you the audience are supposed to feel that he felt it, what Kaworu himself thought was a very different matter. Like Rei, I believe Kaworu to be innocent—coyly, he appears not to be so, because while Rei needed to be reached out to, Kaworu has come to reach out; whereas Rei has spent her existence being observed; Kaworu has come to observe.

Indeed, in the manga, Shinji's irritation about Kaworu's invasion of his personal space seems almost a parody of his attitude in the anime. In the TV show, when Kaworu put his hand on Shinji's, he flinched but did not pull away; whereas in the manga it's easy to imagine Shinji slugging him. Instead he goes to run after Rei, hoping to get closer to her again.

I hardly think the change reflects any phobia on Sadamoto's part (after all, we even get to see Shinji's "Unit One" in the manga), but the fact the manga Shinji is less emotionally bleak and empty, and hence less vulnerable. Shinji's just as negative in the manga, of course, but it's an active variety, rather than the passive negative creep (in the best Nirvana song sense) we know from the anime. We don't have to imagine him slugging Gendo; from the look of surprise on Dad's face in Book Seven he would have smacked the beard off his face if Kaji hadn't stopped him.

Neither is Shinji in a positive emotional situation where we leave him here, either; indeed at this point in the manga there's arguably no one he can turn to—the more brutal fate that befell Toji has cut him off from his school friends, Rei has become hesitant, Kaji is dead, and his perennial self-esteem booster Asuka is going to need to rebuild her internal supply before she can even get back to calling him a loser and idiot.

So, like Misato trying to put her own hand on Shinji's, all I can do for now while we wait for Sadamoto-sensei is to recommend for your winter vacation reading list The Mysterious Stranger, which I can almost guarantee will give you new angles to think about Kaworu, and may even earn you class credit besides. A quick look at the novel's comments on Amazon list a teacher who says fundamentalist students walked out of his class when he taught it; another compares it to The Matrix; those who dislike it call it "sick," "bitter," and "twisted." Sounds like good old Evangelion to me!

—Carl Gustav Horn

[a drawing of Kaworu holding a kitten]

Although The Mysterious Stranger can also be found in a number of print editions, including The Portable Mark Twain from Penguin (haw haw), the story, being from the days when mp3s came on shellacked cylinders, is legally available online at http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/toc/modeng/public/TwaMyst.html. The same site has a book called The Holy Bible, King James Version, which fans of Evangelion might also enjoy, although it's technically "Editor's Choice."

#eva #kaworu nagisa #idec if twain didn't write that shit #i'm all over this

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