#I love this card it was so funny they basically did the opposite of kidnapping him

[devildomwriter]

Forced To Take a Break

They really held this man down, packed his bags, and teleported him away

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba Reviewcaps Catchup Special: Lost In Newtopia/Sprig Gets Schooled/Little Frogtown/Hopping Mall

In a 4 episode marathon to make up for lost time: Hop Pop handcuffs Sprig to him because that’s not troubling and Polly And Anne head off on their own mostly uninteresting adventure. Sprig gets into college and regrets it  much like most college students. Hop Pop goes on a noir adventure while Anne harasses children and it all ends with a wacky mall adventure that ends in an utter tearjerker. Pitter Patter, let’s get at er after the cut. 

Whelp i’m behind. Over the last two weeks i’ve been busy moving into a new room in the house, and moving my stuff into said room and making it feel like home, and when i’ve had time I either had new coverage to start, or a series passing to honor, or in the case of yesterday had to have my wisdom tooth removed because it got so bad I couldn’t think out of nowhere. SO yeah been a pretty exausting few weeks... but with only one episode left before Amphibia likely goes on hiatus for the rest of the year, Halloween special excepted, I don’t really have the time to dawdle on this. So not much of an introduction let’s hop to it. 

Lost in Newtopia

This will be a quick one, but this one was.. eh. Not BAD, as the first, last and middle scenes are all really good. it’s just between theere it’s not much intresting.  The opening on the bus was pure gold as Hop Pop as usual gets fired up about something boring, then casually handcuffs his grandson because that’s normal. Then again this is the same man who also thought brainwashing his grandchildren was a minor slight so this is a step up somehow. Also he does have some logic for it after Sprig blew up a robot factory and , unbenowst to him, stole a powerful credit card for funsies. But .. get a dog leash or something.  The scene was also great as we got to see Anne’s mom for the first time! And the scene with her wanting to get out and try exotic food her tummy’s not ready for was really adorable and relatable as having a young nice, I understand them asking for things they really shoudln’t have and then holding a grudge over it.  But then the episode just sorta.. sputters for most of it’s run time. The bit with the tail shop is rfairly enjoyable, but the mishap with the vendor and the parade just aren’t all that funny and the basic conciet of tryign to do it up like locals hasn’t been done AS often as I’d think but frankly How I Met Your MOther, Back before it didn’t so much shoot itself in the foot as shoot both it’s legs off, did this slightly better with first time in new york, where the inverse happened, i.e. the locals pretending to be tourists.  The ending scene was great, from Hop Pop going from terror at “street weridos” to casual happiness at seeing his grandaughter and adopted grandaughter (And my heart flew to hear him call anne that. I mean it was obvious but i’ts still nice to hear. Like when Scrooge told webby to Call him uncle scrooge but without the horribly scarring assholery the next episode he still hasn’t properly apologized for to her. ) and Polly and Anne’s terrible names for each other.> It was good stuff it’s just overal an okay episode. Good enough to entertain but just ntohing really out of the ordinary for this show, but with funny enough bits to keep invested. Next. 

Sprig Gets Schooled Ehhhhh... this one HAD potetial, an intresting setting, Sprig getting in on his talent, plenty of fun college tropes, Hop Pop struggling with his grandson leaving the nest.. there was good stuff here, but like too many episodes this season it wasn’t used as well as it couldv’e been. 

The episode has the family come upon Newtopia University, where Sprig’s talent with stopping mantises and with a fiddle gets him a scholarship, which is one of Hop Pop’s dreams, but both quickly regret it: Sprig dosen’t fit in while Hop Pop misses his baby boy. It comes to a head with Sprig tryign to sneak in and Anne and Polly trying to sneak in for hyjinks. 

But overall it’s just.. eh. it has a few good gags, but the anne and polly plot has been done so many times by now, and while that alone isn’t enough to make it not all that fun the fact it isn’t funny or unique is when The Simpsons, Undergrads, Futrama , Solar Opposites and Bobs Burgers just off the top of my head have done fratboy hyjinks episodes way better.

 But what dosen’t help is while Hop Pop’s emotional part of the episode, missing his boy and wanting him to come bome, works, Sprig just.. get sbored. There’s nothing about how hard school is or him missing the others it’s just.. he dosen’t like it so he tries to leave. Instead of having an emotinal episode about him possibly fitting in there, or struggling to fit in there or some third thing it’s just.. an average 10 year old not liking college becuase of course he dosen’t. He’s too young to keger or really ond with his clasemates. It’s just an eh watch. Not as unpleasant as quarallers pass but without that episodes good parts to really help it be entertaining. Ugh.  And you might say “well every episode dosen’t have to have an emotinal core jackass” which.. yeah your right. But it has to be funny. Or entertaining or have something and not just be .. eh. You CAN be just a funny episode if you do that right. And amphibia USUALLY does that and has an emotional hook to make it even better. And the proof is in the next two episodes. 

Little Frogtown Now this.. this is more like it. After two less than memorable episodes, we get two classics in a row. Granted since I grew up on calvin and hobbes and thus grew up with the two tracer bullet arcs...

Well three techncially with the haircut thing but yeah, given one of them was in my first comic strip collection ever, the indespensible calvin and hobbes if your curious, I’ve always had a soft spot for noir episodes and to animations credit there have been some classics; The recurirng Numbah 2 detective stories in Kids Next Door, Venture Bros classic “everybody comes to hanks” and of all things, Garfield Babes and Bullets. Yes that happened and yes it IS actually good. 

Oh and if your wondering if Garfield solved something family friendly like a Lasanga Robbery, or his teddy bear going missing or odie being kidnapped for a dog fight nope! He’s hired by a college professors wife to find out who killed her husband since it looked like a simple accident, but unsuprisingly it wasn’t. Oh and did I mention that not only is this based on a story from the book garfield’s 9 lives, which got it’s own special for the rest of the stories it chose to adapt and a few new ones to replace those it didn’t, but in that story it’s about a chuch deacon. That’s right Garfield tackled corruption in the church. Your welcome. But i’ve talked about Garfield Babes and Bullets enough.. I mean for today. I clearly need to cover this and 9 lives as a whole at some point. Let’s get back to this episode. Point is noir parodies are great and gafield has done some weird and wonderful shit.  But my like of it aside this is a genuinely clever episode that has it’s own neat takes on the genre. The basic setup is simple: Hop Pop takes the kids to Sal’s, a restraunt owned by an old friend of his who got so sucessful with his delcious sandwitches and secret sauce he moved up to Newtopia.. but when Hop Pop finds the place he finds it in shambles, with no one there and Sal entirely missing. So while the kids head off for the arcade next door, Hop Pop goes into full noir mode to find his missing friend.  It’s that core that works. Sure lots of shows use the “friend we only just heard of” plot device but here it works because it’s so simply used here: They were friends years and years ago, sal moved away probably decades ago, and he simply hasn’t kept in touch. Both are busy: Sal with his restraunt and what we find out here, and Hop Pop with his family and later having to swoop in when his daughter or son and their spouse died. It’s perfectly acceptable. To me while i’ve bitched plenty about cliches it’s mostly been about HOW you use them. About using them right instead of just coasting on an old plot to fill out your episodes for the season. If you don’t have an intresting story to tell, then use the 11 minutes for something ELSE. And here.. they do and have a fun spin on noir by having hop pop’s narration talk to him. While that’s happened before with narration gags I haven’t seen it in a noir parody before and it’s just pure comedy gold, and Bill Farmer’s acting makes you genuinely invested in finding out what happened to this character you never met. Bill really sells how worried hop pop is without over doing it and how important this guy and his sammiches are to him. 

The final twist while not entirely suprising is intresting: Turns out , after Hop Pop finds people seemingly having stolen the recipie, Sal’s restraunt.. simply went belly up. Which sadly, makes sense: he had good ingredients but he’s in the world’s capital, where ther’es probably tons of mom and pop restraunts and giants of cuisine. It’s hard to start a buisness anywhere let alone the biggest city int he world. So Sal simply pivoted, sold his recipie and became a billionare. It’s a good solution that teaches hop pop a lessson: Change happens, things you really love like comfort food restraunts won’t last forever. I myself miss when this area I live in had a tgi fridays and it’s probably never coming back> Things change.. what matters more is people and moving on. Though he does send hop pop on with a bottle of sauce. It’s a good lesson for kids and a fine ribbon tied on one of the season, and hte series, best.  And of course before we move on we have the b plot which is funny as it is relatable as some little shit steps in line in front of anne and being anne she overreacts.. and gets tazed and gets everyone banned. Not a huge subplot but it’s funny as it is relatable as someone whose both stood in massive lines and had people cut in and felt it was massively unfair. Never got into a fistfight over it but tha’t sbecasuse arcades are rare and cornona probably wiped out the rest. Ha ha.. I hate this year. One more!

Hopping Mall

Last one. Another simple plot: Hop Pop forces the kids to use 2 coppers a piece to buy souviners instead of letting them use the card because it means more.. which is bullcrap. While using your own money for a present DOES mean a lot, my mom gave me money plenty of times to buy gifts and covered me plenty. The real meaning behind a gift for someone is that you picked it out yourself, that whatver thing you picked made you think of them and that you meant it for them. Weather it be a mug, a billy bass, or the great mighty poo on a t shirt, what matters is it comes from the heart. Though Hop Pop also buys himself an easy chair and sends it home and admits h’es a hypocrite so maybe we’re not supposed to take him seriously.  While this is there to make drama mostly for Anne it’s a plot device I like as it’s both the kind of nonsense an adult would make and then not follow, and it leads to a really good plot as our kids find their things; Hop Pop introduces the kids to haggling, which Polly mistakes for using tried and true mafia approved methods of intpmidation, leg breaking, arson and threats of all of the above andc omes back with her own snail and tiny cart. Sprig being sprig finds a gift for Ivy in seconds that’s a nice stick.. that also shooots lasers because I dunno. Also nice of the show to actually MENTION his girlfriend.... several episodes in.. with again NO goodbye to her or anyone else. And yes that’s still a sticking point this far in it wouldn’t of killed them to include that in one of the premire episodes.  Anyways that leaves Anne who finds a nice teapot for her mom, but soon has to do what all people who can’t afford a tea pot too: enter a demolition derby against a mother daughter team using shopping carts. It’s a neat set piece, as is Anne apparently knowing carts because her and her friends hung around the mall a lot, which given we saw her and sasha out and out steal one for hyjinks, it’s a nice continuity nod. Anyways our heroes win the race, but Sprig looses his stick saving polly and their rival has to ravage her tail to save polly again. I also love the return of the “not the baby!” cry from “Marcy at the Gates” which I also swear has been used before on this show but can’t remember specifically where.  It’s revealed their rival, and her daughter both of which are entertaining especially the daughter, wants the pot because it was one of her mom’s designs and it means a lot and that touches a nerve with Anne, so she lets her have it, but does get a lovely butterfly clip from the daughter. After the hop pop gag we get the most infamous, and best scene of the episode that ties the above together.

 Sprig wakes up to find Anne ruminating on the balcony.. and for the first time since she got here really, she breaks down a bit about how much she misses her. And my honest interpretation is she’s been holding how bad she feels for her mom, who she admits to not having the best relationship with but both loving each other dearly: That she likely blames herself for the theft, for listenting to sasha, for getting them all stranded, for destroying her friendship with Sasha and possibly not being able to bring her home with her. But mostly for causing her parents undo pain, having no idea how hurt they are or what they’ll feeel when she comes back, no idea if she’ll even be able to make it home and see them again.. it’s a lot to hold in and with all she’s had to deal with I feel she’s been holding it inside just so she dosen’t snap. She already has enought o deal with especially after “reunited. Thinking for amoment about how her parents are likely in utter misery desperatley looking for her when she’s not even on earth... it’d break her.. and it does. She admits missing her, regretting they fought all the time and sobbing a bit... and the scene only gets sadder when Sprig interjects.  He asks a simple question; What was she like. While we STILL don’t know the specifics we finally find out that his mom died when he and polly were really little, polly was probably a newborn... he never really knew her and wonders.. can you miss someone you never really knew? It’s a sad, sobering moment. We assumed sprig was fine with his parents being gone because like Anne and her parents he just never brought it up. But sometimes a person just burys something or is sad or upset in private, speaking from personal experince here. Sometimes you don’t talk about something beacuse you don’t know HOW and Sprig likely just dosen’t want to make hop pop more upset at reminding him his daughter and or son and daughter in law and or son in law are dead, something he likely deals with every day. It’s a powerfully acted scene and ends as the two cry softly together while the credits play over the newtopia night sky. Just a beautiful powerful scene that ties a mostly comedy episode together into something fantastic and like it’s partner episode, one of the series best. 

And with that catchup is done. Join me saturday for more of this, more loud house, and moe moe moe, how do you like me how do you like me, moe moe moe, why do you like me nobody likes me... if you want more subsuricbe, check the backlogs ont hea ssioated pages, and shoot me an ask for a suggestion or a dm to comission a full review. While Amphibia weekly coverage is wrapping up for a while after saturday i’ll be back for the halloween special and then whenever the show returns in full, Ducktales coverage restarts monday and Loud House Coverage that began with Schooled continues sometime this weekend along with a possible foruth thing. Until then, stay safe and GO TEAM VENTURE! 

[neverwatchedonepiece]

617: "Caesar's Defeat! The Powerful Grizzly Magnum!"

Basically Caesar: “REEEEEEEEEEEEE, SCIENCE!!!”

Only had time for one episode today but caught a snippet of the preview and it seems like posting for one episode here will fit in terms of the story arc. 

Caesar is down and out, Law has done what he came to do, and Luffy has executed step one of his plan to kick ass and kidnap! Now all he needs is the fantastically badass Usopp to come through with the cuffs and step two will be on the cards!

It’s all a matter of escaping Punk Hazard with Caesar in tow, plus Law, the Strawhats, a bunch of kids and maybe some surviving Minions and the G5 and Smoker and Tashigi and Foxfire and Momonosuke and Brownbeard.

Yeah, I hope Franky has some extra bed rolls hidden away in storage because that is a lot of extra bodies on Sunny.

Sanji will be fine. He worked at Baratie. He’s used to mass catering.

Law Tries Out His Stand Up Material On Vergo

In other news, Vergo is still alive. I kind of hoped Law might have taken him out but this is One Piece and you guys have always said that Oda sees a future for most of his characters. (Even Wapol. Yes, I am still salty about Wapol.) Smoker was on the ground, breathing hard. Getting fresh air for once, instead of dat tasty tobacco.

Vergo is also still shit-talking. “You broke the gear? There’s no turning back? That’s hysterical.” 

Brave for a guy who was (at that point) in two pieces with a building crumbling rapidly around him. Not to mention the noxious clouds of gas.

Then he used his hands to spring from the ground and attack Law. He was Roomed and doomed in two seconds, chopped into fractions and hung on the railings. (Approaching Nightmare Fuel territory if you think too much about it.)

Vergo totally reminds me of the Black Knight from Monty Python’s Life of Brian. If you’ve never heard of it, he’s basically this dude who keeps getting up and shit-talking his opponents even after the removal of all his limbs. It’s funny. Vergo even made a joke about it. “How will I eat breakfast tomorrow?” Yeah, he almost went full Black Knight there.

Except for the little serious turn when he threatened Law with Doflamingo’s past.

“How dare you, Law? This is an upset. But I know you’re going to regret it. Keep that in mind. You don’t know Joker’s past and that will cost you your life. Upstarts like you can’t hope to take over the world. It’s filled with those who are much stronger. Tell him, Smoker!”

First of all, why was he appealing to Smoker to back him up like a kid in a playground? The brazen cheek of it. As if. I’m glad Smoker blanked him and sparked up a fat Cuban cigar.

Secondly, what is all this about Doflamingo’s past? Why would that matter to Law? I’m trying to think what could possibly affect Law as much as Vergo says and I’m drawing a blank.The only thing that might be a bit meh is if Doflamingo was once a Marine. We already had that twist with Vergo.

At any rate, Law had had enough with Vergo running his mouth, and chopped his head into two pieces.

“Don’t worry about me. Just worry about yourself. This room will explode soon. Goodbye, Vergo the pirate.”

I ain’t bothered about Vergo. That guy is too arrogant for his own good and Law gave him a well-deserved taste of defeat. I just hope Law took Smoker with him.(It’d be hilarious if Law carried Smoker over his shoulder and they ran into Zoro carrying Tashigi over his shoulder. xD)

Speaking of Well-Deserved Tastes of Defeat...

This guy...

I love a charismatic, melodramatic, total piece of crap villain, but Oda did a great job of making me loathe Caesar here. I think Luffy lamping him square on the chops unhinged him a little. Law destroying the SAD factory and the labs as a result probably finished Caesar off. His arrogance and cruelty was off the charts! I thought Spandam was bad. Caesar makes Spanda look like a playground bully.

I loved how when he realised Law had unleashed merry hell, Caesar’s reaction was, “Damn! Who caused that? I bet it was Law. What is Vergo doing? You Strawhats RUINED MY PARADISE!”

His paradise. Wow, that sure does give you a little peek into this dude’s mind. 

And it gets better. 

Caesar had a last-ditch plan to defeat Luffy. He called his Minions in the Secret Room. “R-Building, can you hear me? Secret Room, come in! Open the air vents now! Let Shinokuni flow into this room.”

The Minions, understandably, were reticent to do this because they are the kind of people who, like the Strawhats, look after their own. They asked, “but wouldn’t it kill our guys?”

Caesar was like, “Well, I’m a gas man. I’m not gonna die. You’re just guinea pigs. No one would care if hundreds of you died. You are just the dregs of society! What are you doing? Hurry up. I can find replacements for you fools so easily.”

Uh oh. 

The mask came off. Caesar must have been so riled that he didn’t care if everyone saw his true nature. The poor, deluded Minions still clung to their vision of Caesar as their benevolent Master, their saviour.

“Oh, the Master is trying to fool the enemies. He must have a plan to do with the gas. It would hurt him to know we suspected him.”

Hurt him? Mate, Caesar has no feelings to be hurt. He has an ego the size of Laboon. That’s not the same thing.

So, of course the Minions pulled the lever. Shinokuni flowed into the room. And I had a facepalm moment at those poor, brainwashed Minions.

Caesar Does A Moria

“Yes! About time,” Caesar shouted. “Dregs shouldn’t think. Now, become my power, Shinokuni. Look, Strawhat! Look at his amazing appearance. This is my scientific power. Through this experiment, two countries have already expressed interest in the weapon. They are both quite peaceful but when humans get serious about defending themselves, they’ll look for any way possible to kill their enemies. Everybody needs me! I’ll spread weapons all over the world and become King of the Land of Death.”

There are a couple of things to unpack here.

First of all, Caesar is completely demented. I mean, that was always obvious. But that ambition of his is twisted and terrifying. Worse, that Doflamingo gave him the traction to actually make it happen.

Secondly, he’s insane but he’s not stupid. Caesar has an eye for business and is, weirdly, able to charm people into believing his bullshit. He also knows the darker side of human nature and how to exploit it, like he has done with those peaceful islands. He is also smug in the knowledge that big shots in governments everywhere will always want him in their corner, so there will always be a place for someone like him. That was a definite Art Mirroring Life moment right there. Harsh but true, I guess. The guy who first split the atom and invented the atomic bomb was a hot commodity, right?

Third, Caesar basically did a Gekko Moria. Caesar took it a step further because he actually gleefully killed all his Minions. Moria just took the shadows back from already dead bodies. This was the logical conclusion of Caesar seeing other people as objects or commodities to be manipulated, used or destroyed as he sees fit. The way he happily killed them all was just nasty.  “It’s amazing, if I do say so myself. Look at how fast it acts on their nerves. It’s almost an art!” And when they begged him to stop, “I am your saviour and I can make efficient use of you good-for-nothings. You are just crumbs. You should not stand against your Master. Die like dogs!”

Crumbs. Dogs. Guinea pigs. Caesar always uses dehumanising language on his poor Minions. And everyone else for that matter. He really is a psychotic, nasty piece of work. If this guy is working for Doflamingo, I cannot wait to see what a horrible bastard Doflamingo turns out to be. xD

Caesar’s Off The Deep End Behaviour and his treatment of his own people caused Luffy to have the veiniest, super frown I have seen on his face so far. Luffy does not like people who betray and used their own crew/soldiers/comrades. 

Luffy said to Momo, “Look after Brownbeard.” Then ran in the opposite direction. Of course, I knew Luffy was just looking to gain some distance. Caesar, of course, mistook it for Luffy chickening out all of a sudden.

There was one person who knew with absolute certainty that this was not the case.

Usopp Was Awesome Here

Can I just talk for a moment about how awesome Usopp was here?

All through this arc, he’s been ridiculously brave. He volunteered to split up with Brook and Foxfire so he could work on his own to find the Sea Prism Stone cuffs for Luffy. He was creeping round the labs on his own and when he found the Secret Room, he did not run upon being confronted with a full squad of Minions. He simply used his smarts to evade capture. Because he knew there was something in there of value and Luffy needed his help. 

When the Minions saw Caesar’s true nature over the DDM feed and were finally like, “OMG this guy is awful.” Usopp just walked up to them and said, “I know you’re all broken hearted here but could I sit in that control seat for a second? I wanna save my friends from the gas.”

See that? Usopp’s loyalty to his friends trumps all sense of fear. 

When the Minions tried to shake Usopp by saying, “Yeah, you’ll never escape because your Captain just cut and run. He left you guys behind.“ Usopp was Not Having One Bit Of It. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa... Are you dissing our captain right in front of me? If he were the kind of person who’d betray us, this whole thing would’ve been much easier for me. I would’ve just run away with my tail between my legs. But he never, ever stops believing in us. So we have no choice but to support him. We pledged to live up to his expectations as long as we can breathe!”

There you have it. Right from the horse’s mouth. Luffy’s faith in his crew inspires them to greater heights. And in Usopp, this is bravery. Absolutely beautiful. 

And when the Minions said, “But what can we do? We can’t beat such a powerful man?” (Referring to Caesar) Usopp replied, “Yes, you can. You guys should just believe in our Captain. Caesar is the type of person that Luffy hates the most. Luffy won’t forgive Caesar.”

Usopp knows Luffy pretty well.

That Grizzly Magnum was really something else. I was expecting it to take out Caesar straight awayt but I liked that it didn’t. Caesar is the kind of villain who needs to have his pride thoroughly broken and to taste bitter, bitter defeat. If not, he’ll just tank the hit, pick himself up again and it’s back to his same old tricks.

The best portrayal of that was when Caesar was wrestling with Luffy, the Shinokuni slowly turning his hands to white powder, and he screamed, “Kneel before my power!”

Luffy will never kneel to anyone. Now, I’m not sure what those pulses of power were that drove Caesar back (Conqueror’s Haki?) but Luffy’s hit finally landed and, in a perfect moment of symbolism, Caesar’s self-made crown shattered.

He is no longer the tyrannical ruler of Punk Hazard. Caesar’s reign has come to an end.

And I can’t wait to see what happens next, because Doflamingo sent one of his lackeys to help him out. 

The plot chickens.

Well, you’re gonna kidnap him, so that might be a tough one to get round.

[the-goddamn-queen]

Captain F@#%ing Kirk

Pairing/Characters: Jim Kirk x Reader, guest starring platonic Leonard McCoy x Reader, cameos from the rest of the crew

Warnings: swearing, kidnapping, aphrodisiacs, non-consensual kissing, mild violence

A/N: For @goingknowherewastaken‘s Divine Me A Masterpiece Challenge  @jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets

Word Count: 3,116

Prompt: Lover’s Card, “I...think I’m in love?”, “I mean life is full of surprises. You could find the love of your life tomorrow, but you could also wake up bald.”, “Will you press pause on your SHIT for 5 minutes?”

Interpretation and fic under the cut!

So one of the basic interpretations of the Lovers Card is harmony (and reverse, disunion) so my first thought was an enemies-to-lovers sort of thing, but I thought it’d be much better if Jim and the reader had the same objective, just different ways of getting there. 

Particularly, the reversed Lovers represent a difference in values, so I decided that where Jim is willing to take risks, the reader is very by-the-book and cautious and really can’t stand Jim’s way of doing things. 

The upright Lovers also represents bringing together two seemingly opposing forces in order to create harmony as well as being open and honest with the people close to you. So Jim and the reader both have to realize and admit to each other how much they value the other’s way of thinking. 

And of course, you know, love.

Anyway.

             Your first few months on the enterprise were…not the best. Not that the starship wasn’t every bit as incredible as you’d imagined. Nor was the crew any less inviting than you’d expected.

             It was the captain.

             James Tiberius Kirk, Starfleet’s golden boy and one of the most revered captains in the federation, was a nightmare.

             From the moment you boarded at Yorktown, you found the captain reckless, boyish. Of course you’d heard the stories: sacrificing himself for Commander Spock, rescuing his crew after they were stranded on that uncharted planet. He sounded like a strong leader, heroic even, but witnessing him first-hand, you could see how the crew seemed to regularly find themselves in such life-threating positions.  

             You came on as a Lieutenant Commander, hand selected by Commander Spock. He’d been a mentor during your time at the academy, and you always admired the level-headedness with which he carried out any task. You missed his guidance greatly when he was assigned to the Enterprise, and you were thrilled to be under his leadership once again.

             Jim Kirk was Spock’s opposite in every way. While he seemed to have a strong hold over leadership, his organization was appalling to say the least. You found yourself going to Spock as much as you could in order to avoid direct communication with the captain.

             You began to dread even hearing his voice. It oozed charm constantly, but rarely in the exalted manner in which you expected a captain to speak. Perhaps it was because you’d already decided you disliked your captain, but it repelled you, nonetheless.

             You sigh in exasperation as you finally finish your mission report. It was the third mission since you’d been on board that resulted in a multi-day stay in the med bay and caused you to get behind on your reports. Again.

             Commander Spock was always understanding, but you thought he shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t have made friends with Doctor McCoy purely based on the fact that you’ve been in 72-hour observation three times in three months. And you sure as hell shouldn’t be putting your life on the line every ground mission just because Captain Fucking Kirk can’t follow basic safety precautions.  

             You make your way to the bridge for Beta shift. Spock had insisted on taking your Gamma shift for at least a few days until you fully recovered from your injuries. You appreciated the thought, but you dreaded having to take the helm from Captain Kirk.

             “Y/N!” Kirk calls as soon as you step out of the lift. Apparently, it would kill him to use your title. “Just the person I was hoping to see.” He steps up to you and takes an obnoxious bite from the apple Dr. McCoy had undoubtedly forced on him. “Follow me, I’d like to talk to you.”

             “Captain,” you acknowledged through his whirlwind, “I have to take the helm, sir.”

             His face falls a bit, and he turns halfway to glace around the bridge. “Mr. Sulu!” Sulu pops his head up from where he was turning over his station to an Ensign. “You mind keeping the chair warm for a bit?”

             You hardly hear his response, too busy keeping your face from outing your frustration. “Really, Captain,” you insist, “I’m sure this can wait—”

             “Lieutenant Commander.”

             Your tongue stalls in obedience. This was an order.

             “Follow me.”

             You do, trailing after the captain into the lift and out into a deserted hallway.

             “You’re upset.” Kirk drops the core of his apple into a receptacle in the wall and turns in front of you, forcing you to halt. You find it harder to hide your expressions. “Was it the mission? You can always take a few more days off, I’m sure Bones would have no issue—”

             “I’m fine, sir.”

             “Jim.”

             “What?”

             “Just call me Jim, Y/N, you’re the only CO on this ship that doesn’t.” His arms cross over his chest, and he looks…hurt?

             “Jim,” you say with some hesitation, “I’m fine. And I really think I should get back—”

             “I know you’re not happy under my command,” he says matter-of-factly.

             You sigh out loud and mentally cross the good doctor off the list of people you can complain to now. Maybe you could still play this off. “Look, whatever Dr. McCoy told—”

             “Not Bones, Spock.”

             This time when the words die on your tongue, it’s out of shock. Spock ratted you out to the captain? You find words hard to form. Spock knew everything, but what exactly had he told Jim? “I’m so sorry, Captain,” you babble, “I never should have—”

             He holds up a hand, and you stop. You drop your eyes to the floor as you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. You were going to lose your prime position in Starfleet because you can’t keep your damn mouth shut.

             “We’ll be partnered on the next ground mission.”

             “What?”

             “My duty is to my crew, Y/N,” the captain states matter-of-factly, “and I can’t do my duty if I don’t have the trust of 100% of my crew, so if I have to do more to earn yours, I will.”

             You stood, mouth agape, trying to process his words. “Uhh…of course, Capt—, I mean Jim,” you manage.

             A bright smile splits the captains face. “Perfect! I’ll see you at 0800.”

               You fidget with your sleeves as you wait outside the transporter room for the captain. An unexpected hand on your shoulder makes you jump three feet in the air.

             “Don’t look so nervous, Y/N,” Jim laughs behind you.

             You whirl around as your anxiety spikes. “Would you press pause on your SHIT for 5 minutes?” You stiffen immediately when the words leave your mouth. “I’m sorry, Captain! It’s just – I just – you scared me!” He’s still laughing while you stammer out your apology. “WHAT is so damn funny?”

             Jim takes a few deep breaths to calm down before replacing his hand on your shoulder. “We have got to keep you out of med bay,” he says through suppressed giggles, “you’re starting to sound like Bones.” He finally straightens fully, seemingly sobered. “Also, if you’d started talking to me like that sooner, we probably wouldn’t have to be doing this.”

             You sigh in exasperation. “Doing what?” Then you realize you’re the only two outside the transporter room. “Captain, where’s the rest of the ground crew?”

             “We’re it,” he says with what he considers to be a winning smile, but all you can see is disaster.

             “Excuse me?”

             “Look, it’s a potential Class M, so you and I are gonna scope it out before we send down a full ground crew.”

             “This is suicide.”

             “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

             “I’m going to die with you as my only company.”

             Jim opens the door to transport and backs in. “Now you really sound like Bones,” he accuses.

               You check your comms unit for the third time since you landed planet side, and for the third time you breathe a sigh of relief when the little light blinks back at you. Kirk hears you and turns back.

             “Would you stop doing that?”

             “Doing what?”

             “I can hear you check your comms every three feet,” he exasperates.

             “I’m just trying to keep us safe,” you bite back.

             Jim’s eyebrows knock together in frustration. “Why don’t you trust me, Y/N?”

             “Why are you asking me this now?” Your indignance bleeds into your voice.

             “Do you want to be a captain someday?”

             “Well now you’re just changing the subject.”

             “Answer the question, Lieutenant Commander.”

             You look at him for a moment, wishing you knew what he was getting at. “Yes.”

             “Do you think it’s safe being a captain?”

             Oh. “No.”

             “Do you think being on a starship is safe?”

             “Well, the federation –”

             “Y/N!”

             “No.”

             “Did you join the Enterprise because you thought it was safe?”

             You hesitate more than you think you should. He’s right, of course. “No.”

             He lowers himself on to what could vaguely be considered a rock and motions for you to join him. “You’re really good at what you do, Y/N,” he says sincerely, “like, damn good,” he huffs a laugh before turning to face you, “but you need to understand that there’s a certain risk that goes along with this job. Those risks aren’t always right, or easy, or safe. I would never intentionally put you or the crew in harm’s way, but I also wouldn’t give you the missions I do if I didn’t think you were capable of handling shit going sideways.” You feel your eyes filling at the captain’s words. You had no idea how much faith he had in you. All he wanted was that faith in return.

             You nod along, wishing you had something to answer with, but words failed you. This wasn’t something you could make promises to, anyway. You push yourself off the rock and turn to stand in front of Jim.

             Just then, his eyes widen in fear. Before you can say anything, or even offer your hand in reassurance, you feel a sharp pain on the back of your neck, and then nothing.

               You come to, coughing the dust of the planet’s floor from your lungs. You find yourself in generally the same place you blacked out in, but the captain was nowhere to be seen.

             A few feet to your left, you notice your comms lighting up like a satellite. You shuffle towards it, flipping it open as soon as you could wrap your fingers around it. “Y/L/N.”

             “Y/N, thank goodness,” you hear Uhura from the other end, “are you guys alright? Where’s Kirk? It’s been hours since you checked in. What the hell’s going on?”

             You blink a few times as your head clears trying to recall what had happened before you blacked out. Jim shouting something about ‘look out,’ his hand on his phaser, something humanoid and purple entering your field of vision as you hit the ground.

             “Kirk,” you say finally, “they have Jim.”

             “I’m sending a security team to –”

             “No!” you snap. “No, we can’t put anyone else at risk,” you can’t believe what you say next, but you know it’s the right choice, “I have to find him myself.”

             “Lieutenant Commander, do you believe that is wise?” Spock’s voice takes over in your comms.

             “No, sir,” you admit hesitantly, “but we can’t leave him, and we don’t know how dangerous these things are.” The beginnings of a plan form in your head. “A team will make this conspicuous, and they didn’t take me, so maybe I can use that to my advantage. Scotty?”

             “Right here.”

             “You got a lock on my location?”

             “Loud and clear.”

             “How about the captain?”

             “Weak signal from his comms, probably underground.”

             “Good, that means it’s still on him. How small of a radius can you give me?”

               Your concern grows as you make your way towards the location Scotty gave you. It had already been hours since Jim was taken, and every passing second put him in more danger.

             Eventually you reach some kind of rock formation with a myriad of narrow tunnels marring the side of it. You cross your fingers and choose the one closest to the ground.

             You find the tunnels mostly deserted, which is welcome, but also deeply unsettling. You follow your gut through the twists and turns, even as it sinks deeper with each passing step.

             You reach a fairly larger alcove than you’ve passed before and carefully duck your head through the makeshift doorway. Your eyes trail up the stoic figure in the middle of the room. He no longer wore his gold Starfleet shirt, but you’d recognize that blond hair anywhere.

             Jim’s head perks up, alerted by your presence. You take slow, measured steps, counting them in case you need to make a run for it.

             “Captain,” you say carefully as you approach, “it’s me, are you hurt?” You stop a few feet away as he turns. You can’t fully decipher his expression, but it looks like he’s fighting something.

             You go to take another step, but he lunges at you. One arm wraps around your waist while his other hand grasps the back of your head to pull you in and lock his lips with yours.

             That’s when you smell it, whatever aphrodisiac he’d been exposed to, and moan unexpectedly. Your own arms move against your will to wrap around his neck, pulling him even closer to you.

             Jim’s tongue runs along your bottom lip, triggering sobriety in you just long enough to grab a fistful of his hair and yank his face away from yours.

             He groans lowly. The kind of groan that makes your knees weak, but you fight it off so you can pull your hand back and SMACK!

             Jim stumbles backwards clutching his face where it was starting to turn red. He blinks up at you, the glazed look he had before slowing melting away. “Y/N?” he whispers, “Y/N, thank God.” He goes to embrace you, but you lurch back defensively. Jim shrinks back in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. Those things they –”

             You cut the captain off by taking his hand, shocking yourself by your actions for the second time today. You do your best to ignore the electricity in your fingertips. “It’s alright, Jim,” you assure him, “let’s just get out of here.” He nods and follows your lead out of the cavern.

               You sigh heavily as Dr. McCoy shines his tiny flashlight into your eyes again. He pulls back and smirks at your exasperated expression.

             “Just gotta make sure whatever they did to you has fully worn off, kid.”

             “I’m fine, Doc, really, I just…” He finishes putting his tools down and turns to give you his full attention before you continue. “I just can’t believe I did that. Any of that!”

             “You saved Jim’s life.”

             “By going it alone! I would’ve never done that three months ago.”

             Dr. McCoy lowered himself onto the biobed next to you. “Don’t you think that’s a good thing, Y/N?” You look at him in disbelief. “No really, listen. You’ve grown so much since you’ve been on this ship. We’re all always changing, even in ways we don’t expect. I mean life is full of surprises. You could find the love of your life tomorrow, but you could also wake up bald,” he chuckled at his own joke, “The important part is how we react to these things.”

             You know it was meant to be lighthearted, but the doctor’s words triggered the latent feelings you’d been suppressing since you left that god-forsaken planet. “What if I already have?”

             “Already have what?”

             “Found the love of my life.”

             His eyes widen, and he smirks playfully. “Now, I’m flattered, darlin’, but don’t you think I’m a little old –”

             “Not you!” you laugh as you smack his shoulder. “I…think I’m in love?” You take a deep breath before finishing. “With Captain Fucking Kirk.”

             McCoy did his best to look absolutely scandalized. “Oh, bless your heart!”

             The two of you burst into a fit of giggles and spend the next few moments trying to catch your breath.

             “You know,” McCoy says, “I have it on good authority that Jim feels the same way.”

             You shoot off the biobed to stand in front of him. “Are you serious?” You smack him again. “What the hell, McCoy? You knew this whole time and didn’t say anything?”

             “Well, to be fair, it wasn’t him that told me. It was you.”

             You press your hands to your temples. “Leonard, that doesn’t make any sense.”

             “There was a…strange property to the compound that was used on you. I couldn’t figure it out at first until you said something, and I realized what it was.”

             You continue to watch him expectantly.

             “The particles are only attracted to people who are already in love.”

               You stand nervously outside the captain’s quarters waiting for him to come to the door. Maybe you shouldn’t do this, you think. What if he doesn’t really feel the same way? This could be a huge mistake. But before you can change your mind, it’s too late.

             Jim’s door slides open, and you hesitate.

             His hair is disheveled, sticking out in odd places, and he’s wearing a soft-looking t-shirt that definitely isn’t regulation. It’s obvious he’s still exhausted from the ordeal.

             “Sorry if I disturbed you, Captain, I can come back later,” you say quickly.

             Jim blinked the sleep from his eyes and waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, it’s fine,” he says with a yawn, “c’mon in, Y/N, I wanna talk to you anyway.”

             Your nervousness spikes at his admission, but you follow Jim to his couch, anyway. He rakes a hand through his mussed-up hair, and you take the opportunity to get a good look at him for what feels like the first time again.

             No matter how much you avoided him, you could never get away from his eyes. And now you could only think about the way they looked at you in that cave. Right before he kissed you…

             “Y/N,” his voice yanks you from your daze, “you had something to tell me?”

             “Oh, yeah,” you shift uncomfortably on the couch as you search for the right words, “I wanted to apologize.”

             “Apologize?” The captain seemed fully awake now. “For what?”

             You sigh slightly. “For everything I’ve done and said since boarding your ship.” You can tell he wants to cut you off, but you continue before he can. “I judged your leadership too much because, well, because I was jealous.” All in now, here we go. “I never thought I could make the decisions you do. I’m not as brave as you, Jim.”

             “Well after today, I think we both know that’s a damn lie.”

             You look up at him seeing the sincerity in his eyes.

             “And to be honest, I’m pretty jealous of you.”

             You laugh. He can’t be serious.

             “No, really! You’re so organized! So level headed, even when everything goes wrong. I’ve told you before an I meant it. You’re damn good at what you do.”

             You glance down at your hands hoping to hide your expression. Giddiness and anxiety were beginning mix in your stomach and you’re sure it shows. “I also came to tell you what Dr. McCoy figured out about the compounds he found on us from the planet.”

             Jim perked up at that. “Yeah? What’d he say?” His eyebrows knocked together. “And how come he’s not telling me himself?”

             You look up at him. Better out than in, right? “Because the aphrodisiac they used on us only works on people who are already in love.”

[wokainight]

NCT Reactions: Office Antics (part two)

notes: basically a collection of various nct members x you displaced in an awkward office setting.

part one | part two | part three

DOYOUNG:

trend setter, hot gossiper (!!)

knows everything about everyone and is currently playing cupid and matchmaking the sht out of everyone in the company

very curious

despises not knowing things

legit

wants

to 

know

everyTHING’;;

tends to butt into other people’s business and has good intention— but it may come off as being snobbish or overly rude

does his work well and is very good at persuading and customer interactions 

talks well

talks in general

vroom vroom show

apparently he practices funny chats inside his car and emcees the sht out of every event

the both of you were supposed to plan an event together with doyoung as emcee and you as the main coordinator

but he’s also trying to set this guy up with the hottest girl in the company and so far, his efforts are null

so he’s decided to make use of the event and perhaps hold a public proposal— to which you decline because,,

“doyoung-ssi, it’s not valentine’s day. there’s no need to implement such event.” you were quite stern because he was being overly imaginative with his mind and was planning a cruise boat???

like 

where is the funds????????

but he insists on holding the confession event

and he’s kind of above you in the company so you grumble and have to tag along with him

then comes the actual event

everything was going well and it has come to the highlight of the show where the guy who has to confess was to go up the stage

you had to take emceeing for a while because doyoung is giving the guy one to one support session

but then the guy’s in huge denial that he probably will get rejected 

(yes, 

at last minute)

and doyoung’s trying to shove him onto the shade but then they played wrestling and the guy who was confessing does judo and kickboxing while doyoung’s just lean and tall and the poor boy had his ass kicked onto the stage where he stumbled and rammed himself onto you

he falls on top

and coincidentally

his lips on yours

and the crowd cheers because it’s rather spontaneous but romantic and everyone’s off guard

and then the stage fireworks for the confession flares up along with the congratulatory song and confetti rains from the sky and you just stare at doyoung in shock

because…

whAT happened to the event???

TEN:

very hOT

a legit social butterly as in he’s literally connected to everyone??

whereas johnny’s followed by a crowd of fangulls, doyoung for people seeking love advice,,,,

ten is followed cos:

he’s teN

like no reason

he’s just really extroverted, 

humorous,,,

and knows how to charm the sht out of people!!!

and again——

a social buttERFLYYYYYYY~~

easily amused and smiles/ laughs like no tomorrow

easily holds a conversation and has a certain degree of closeness with everyone

an aegyo machine

and tends to get favours done through his positive impression and cutesy appearance

loves to drink

legit

VODKA SHOTS

a rather wild child--- 

earrings for days

ripped skinny jeans for days

hAIR FOR DAYSYYYYSSSIISSSSS

gets wilder when he’s drunk

and you’re kind dragged into one of the office parties where ten just makes everyone take ten shots each bcos why not and nobody could really pronounce his real name after that--

(not that they could in the first place)

and then ten’s 3/4 drunk when he approaches you bcos you’re just on your phone @ a little lonely corner and he thinks that he could be the spice to your day and tries to smoothly pass you really dirty jokes and you’re like

uhhhh no?????

but he wiggles his brows and eyes the back door and you;re like

wtf dude nO

but ten’s charming and like the charmer he was, he drags you by the elbow and the both of you exit the scene like its nothing

it was just a walk at a nearby park under the moonlight with ten humming to a rather familiar tune and you towing behind just as sorely as u did whilst sitting your ass down during the party

he turns to you and its weird how he knows your name and that you’re doing that particular project and that its been only six months since you entered the company

“...how did you know?” you make a rather bashful eye contact with him

“was it supposed to be a secret?” he laughs, 

and the way his eyes crinkled makes you felt rather clenched cardiovascular-wise

aka

he makes your heart beat

fast

“there’s just no reason for you to know” 

“you’re under my wing right? well, i have every reason to know.” and this time, he stops walking and gives your shoulders a friendly pat “aw don’t be so hard on yourself” then he smashes his rather muscly frame against yours and you’re kinda stuck in his hug for a good five minutes before he pulled back

“wow” was all he said before he turned to leave

the next day, you find your desk decorated in roses and you’re not sure why ten’s whistling at you as you walk by or why he’s given you a piece of paper with ‘xxxx me, [insert a bad lipstick smudge] - ten’

JAEHYUN:

that literal pot of flower boy with milky flawless skin and dimples that powers a radiating smile (probably radioactive)

nice to everyone

says hi to all

but a really private person

most people don’t know much other than the fac t that he’s a valentines boy and his name is jung jaehyun

an observant type of person

people watching

lOTS of staring

and then cue the bashful smile

damn those dimples

dAMN DOSE PIMPles

{{{{[[[[(((ifyouhaven’tguessed who mybiasis))}}}}{]]]]

you’ve been transferred to his branch and he’s kind of your seat mate and most of the time you’re working with his schedule cos he’s been here longer than you have and will hopefully guide you??

and he does

cos he’s nice

and a ball of sunshine (not literally) (i mean his smile blinds me but his personality is not extravagantly cheerful like ten’s or doyoung’s)

but you’re pretty good at getting to know person and you realise he likes to drink banana milk instead of coffee and that he secretly eats a pack of honey butter chip which lies inside his third drawer on the right

or the fact that he’s a huge ass foodie who likes to try out different dishes

because jaehyun’s so attentive to everything, he doesn’t really have time to pay attention to the fact that you’re paying attention to him

does it make sense????

and the irony doesn’t stop there

you’r e kinda neutral about him

just because you notice these little things doesn’t automatically make you fall for him in the romantic department... it was all pure observation

but turns out

the gREAT jung jaehyun is in love with you

you had your doubts when he started to treat you differently from other girls

i guess

opposites attract???

and he’s kinda been wanting to confess but has never had the time

and you’re talking with your best friend over the phone and you think everyone’s went home for the day but doesn’t realise that jaehyun’s just hiding in the corridor (the door was open) and was waiting for you to finish conversing with your friend

he had a bouquet of your favourite flowers and a little hand written card

dude was going to go for it

but you’re kinda in a flustered conversation when your best friend mentioned about the guy whom you mentioned who could’ve possibly liked you = jungjaes (or so they call him) (poor luck’s on you cos this was all in loud speaker)

and you;re like,,, “of course i don’t like like him-- i mean he’s a nice person but-”

and you hear something drop from outside the room and you have your bff on hold and walks out to check who is there (you were slightly creeped out because it’s dark and nighttime and it might have been a ghost) 

you find a bouquet of flowers and a pink envelope-- you turn your head quickly to catch a shadow turning for the stairs

and you pick up the card, open it and it kinda kills you in the inside slightly

‘Will you be mine? 

Love,

Jaehyun’

WINWIN:

china boi

pretty much more important and more influential than the actual ceo of the company??? 

cos he’s a bOSSS (SQUAKKKK)

the golden boy of the company-- everyone loves him and legit is like that beloved youngest child!! has a semi-playful personality with an awkward touch and a hint of innocence

probably knows much more than you think he does

the discreet but obvious type

when you think that you’re ordering him around.. he’s actually just turned the table and now yOU’Re the one with the task

p r e t t y

S

L 

Y

e.g.

one time TY track asked him to photocopy and then he just looked at the elder male straight in the face, placed the papers back in his hands and said:

“i’m busy”

or when he was absent for three hours and everyone was searching around for him only for him to come out of an unused cupboard with a sleeping bag and going “what’s the fuss?”

(everyone thought he either died,,, 

or was kidnapped)

and let’s not forget the time where he ‘accidentally’ poured soju into the bowl of fruit punch and walked away because another person called out for him and then realising later on that he actually did that

(it was it planned?)

in the end, he was the ojnly one who didn’t drink the fruit punch because he claimed of not liking the fruits ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so you’re his supervisor

and your job is to literally find winwin in between people and various individuals who love him to bits

like literally

dong sicheng is always covered in love and chocolate and probably kisses???

and today is like any other day

but you find winwin in between two younger staff,,, both of which was arguing who would get to touch his ears today

it’s like a thing where only 10 people can touch his ears per day

you wondered why everyone had so much time-- but guessed it was because TY track was the supervisor and he practically does everyone’s work and cleaned after their mess

and winwin was just boredly staring ahead when he finds your eyes, hypes u p and excused himself

“are you searching for me noona?” he said, accent thick

but you roll your eyes and sighed,

“for the last time,,

we’re the same damn age sicheng.”

he just smiles his average angelic smile and leaned down, somehow making your heart beat faster (or was it because you were so unfit earlier on when hiking up the stairs-- holding onto the railings for your dear life)

“do you want to touch my ears?”

you groan, pushed his head away and turned on your heels, “follow me, we have work to do”

and just like a little chick, he followed after you with bouncy footsteps, saying goodbye to group of girls whining for him to come back

[auideas]

Ask the Admins 13.0

anon asked: For any of the admins! I’m not sure if this was asked previously, so I apologize in advance. But what's everyone’s favorite au / prompt? (Also thank you guys for starting this blog, im forever grateful this exists)

Chamomile: awww! I’m grateful that this blog exists too (lol). My current favorite type of au’s are murder mystery au’s because of the Rabbit Doubt writing group I’m in so like, expect so many of those coming up soon. I’m also really digging superhero au’s.

M: I’m a fan of the whole “kidnapping / assassin / mob / killer” sort of a trope for some reason - it’s loads of fun to try and mess with original tropes and make them ridiculous, funny, modern, etc.!

Jynn: My fave AUs are ones that incorporate real life twists on typical AUs, like including people with disabilities.

@tomorraw​ asked: How many of you guys are there? Do certain people answer in certain genre? Or does everyone write what they are given? How did you guys meet? (Btw, this is one of my favorite idea blogs. They are so many different views on different ideas and so many genres.)

Chamomile: Currently there’s four of us! I know admin m and admin jynn from a loooong while back -- like two years back. Admin jynn and I go back to our homestuck roots (love her for that) and we’ve stuck together ever since. We all just kind of write whatever floats our boats! M: I met both Jynn and Chamomile through working on the Night Unvaled, which is a Night Vale Fancast that we wrote and produced. We’ve been friends ever since!! As for the certain genre thing, I can’t really say that we all write solely one genre, but we all certainly have our specialties!! Jynn: We have a posting schedule for who posts what when, but when it comes lists we all just take what interests us. Chamomile and I met more than two years back… in a Homestuck role play. Shortly after, we met M in a podcast project we were all working on and we've all be friends since!

Anon asked: what are some of your favorite tropes?

Chamomile: does “I love the way that you understand me and make me feel like I’m the only person in the world when you pay attention to me” count as a troupe? Like an OTP troupe? Bc that’s my ultimate favorite.

M: My favorite trope is messing with tropes. Best thing.

Jynn: “Flaws” turning out to work to someone's advantage!

Anon asked: What is pastel/punk or pastel and punk? I don't get it and google isn't explaining it to me because it's a meany

Chamomile: I remember this AU! It was an AU Friday list that I did and loved doing it! Basically, there’s  ‘pastel’ aesthetic which is very like, cutesy baby pink and pastel blues and other ‘soft’ colors being worn with other ‘soft’ aesthetic items like, glitter or hair clips or oversized sweaters ands stuff like that. Then there’s punk aesthetic, which very like, ‘heck all of you, I want to be comfortable and show that I’m rebelling against the social/political norms’. It can vary from person to person, so it might be better just to google ‘punk fashion’. The whole tag is supposed to be sort of an ‘opposite attract’ type deal.

Anon asked: So in regards to the color au in which you only see color once you touch your soulmate: what if you were born blind? Or when you touch your soulmate, it turns out that you are colorblind?

Chamomile: mmmmmm I’m not a fan of this AU bc of reasons I’m too longwinded about. Skipping this question for me.

M: I guess it’s possible and would make for quite the interesting change in AUs from the usual soulmate trope, but make sure you’re careful when it comes to writing AUs about topics you’re not personally familiar with (such as being blind), but go for it!

Jynn: Idk about it. Lmao I'm picky as heck when it comes to soulmate AUs, and this one has the potential to be interesting but never “stuck out” to me.

Anon asked: hi there! i'm new {ish}, and i've been looking thru ur old posts. i think it's really cool how u help ur followers, school related or not. out of curiosity tho, who is the person who according to that school survey watched so much anime? if u have time, would u mind asking?

Chamomile: Anon I want to know too like, please, show yourself.

M: We support you. Maybe. For the most part.

Jynn: Show ya self ur among friends. I too have consumed too much anime.

Anon asked: Just wanted to say I love your blog. It gives me inspiration! :)

Chamomile: Aaaaa! Thank you <3

M: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jynn: Awwwww!

Anon asked: just poppin in to ask if its okay for us writers to adopt these aus? and claim the whole plot as ours but still credit the bunnies (ie linking it to this acc)? thanks for clarifying!

Chamomile: Totally! We completely encourage it because it brings more people to the blog and also, we get a lot of satisfaction from seeing people enjoy our prompts! Here’s a link on how to cite our au’s: link

Anon asked: omfg, i still think the admins are gorgeous. like f***, you are cute.

Chamomile: Bless your heart, thank you! We really should update what we look like...

M: OKAY YEAH WE SHOULD PUT OUT UPDATE PICS!!!!!! BUT THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Jynn: :o ! Thx!

@genosha-meiuqer asked: Weird question. If you woke up one morning and realized you could grow a beard made out of cotton candy, how happy would you be on a scale of 1-10; one being not happy, and ten being extremely happy.

Chamomile: Genosha, I would be so hype, you wouldn’t understand. Like a 10/10. Even if I did get tired of my new cool cotton candy beard like?? I can just wash it off?? Because cotton candy is water soluble?? I see no problems here?? 

M: maybe a 2. Too sticky.

Jynn: 7/10. Might get sticky and tedious (and I work in and pool so it'd probably get in the water) but endless free cotton candy? Yes.

Anon asked: Deadpool 2 boyfriend? yes or no?

Chamomile: consider this….boyfriend….and girlfriend…..dating both at the same time….

M: yus

Jynn: Yes on boyfriend but NOT at the expense of a lady characters story ending badly.

Anon asked: what's your dream job?

Chamomile: whatever makes me happy? Right now I’m happy serving coffee and doing odd writer jobs in exchange for gift cards (#hit me up y’all), but in the future I might want something different so like, it depends as I grow!

M: Creative Producer in Hollywood!!

Jynn: Aaaa I wanna work in entertainment. Running tech, performing, whatever. Gotta be near that world.

Anon asked: Are you a part of any fandoms? Which ones?

Chamomile: oh jeeze well uhhhhh -- I still hold homestuck dear to my heart, but I’ve mostly moved into podcasts (SAYER, The Adventure Zone, WTNV, Carpe DM) and a lot of like, writing niche groups with my friends? If I can count those as ‘small fandoms’.

M: soooooo many: Nightvale, Merlin, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, etc. Too many.

Jynn: Still Homestuck like Chamomile. Various Nexflix series: Voltron, Stranger Things. Miraculous Ladybug too. Lots of Max Fun and Night Vale Presents podcasts, McElroy products. I work about 60 hours and week so I like things I can listen to while doing other things.

Anon asked: If you were a dragon, what would you hoard?

Chamomile:....scraps of paper. I have so many. I write down AU ideas and story lines on them and then just like, shove them into my bags and pockets and forget about them.

M: pens. so many pens.

Jynn: Useless cute stuff/LUSH products/stim toys probably.

Anon asked: M, did you draw the illustrations in your piece "The Beacon"?

M: I made it in photoshop, yeah! If anyone is curious, here’s the link to the fic (https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxP7qW60hE6fUmdSWDJMNHBhRGs/view?usp=sharing). The first draft was written by Admin Chamomile for a speed write but adapted and extended by Admin M just for fun. Go for it and read it if you’d like!!

(Chamomile: just gonna….slide this first draft right here….shhhhhh)

Anon asked: How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?

Chamomile: hopefully until humanity can find the cure, lmao

M: maybe a month. maybe.

Jynn: Mmmmm no.

Anon asked: Which Never Book quote is your favorite?

Chamomile: “What were you thinking in that last moment between life and oblivion?” Jynn: “So you take another hit, and sick into a whiskey flavored kiss because he’s not there to tell you no.”

Anon asked: Unicorn or Pegasus?

Chamomile: Unicorn! No real reason why. M: Pegasus. Fly bitches. Jynn: Pegasus is more utilitarian.

Anon asked: this is probably too late for ata, but have you ever wanted to write a piece where the characters are southern but you don't know how to write their drawl or accent or dialect? (currently going thru this for the walking dead)

Chamomile: This sounds like a really interesting “How Do I Write” segment soooooo check back on Thursday ;D 

M: ^^^^^^^^^^

Jynn: Not this specific situation. I live in Missouri so I know well how they talk lmao. I have run into something similar with an Irish character though, lots of research!!

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

Trucy, you don’t need to take sides. There’s one side. The truth. And both Apollo and Phoenix are on that side.

They’re not at the same bench but they’re on the same team. It’s gonna be ok.

-

“I’m sorry too, little lady! this is all my fault..”

Oh so trucy gets an apology, but not Apollo? cool cool whatever 

-

Trucy, if Phoenix and Apollo become bitter enemies over a property dispute then they weren’t really all that close to begin with.

-

Dhurke: invalides trucy’s feelings while simultaneously spouting more of his Manly Man shit

-

“one minute we’re trading blows, and the next, we’re having drinks together”

well if that’s his mentality i can see why he thinks its ok do be an utter fuckwad to everyone

-

“We’re simple creatures at heart! Hah-hahahaha!”

yes... men are so simple at heart... they’re just a bunch of neanderthals... thanks Dhurke, truly you are the way to the future.

-

To be honest, I am glad that this is a civil case. When I first saw the publicity I was sure they’d made Phoenix a prosecutor for no reason and I was furious.

I’m not super glad at the way things turned out but at least the bullshit counter didn’t go into the red and explode.

Phew. I’m actually sighing in relief here. Maybe I can pretend what follows is all a friendly game or something.

-

Aww; poor Judgey’s confused :(

-

...they seriously don’t need to have a falling out to be on the opposite side of a courtroom. Lawyers face each other all the time. 

They don’t have to hate each other, they just have to keep things professional, otherwise they’d cause a conflict of interest. Like... it’s not ideal but tbh it’s more a danger to their clients than each other.

-

Y’know, I’m gonna dare to be optimistic here; as much as I hate this storyline and most people in it, this is actually an interesting and character-developing scenario.

Apollo has to face off against his mentor, the guy who... well I’d say Kristoph taught him all his tricks, but Phoenix was a sort of moral guiding force, I guess. Apollo standing up and holding his own against a superior is a legitimate way to show that he’s come into his own. Plus, since it’s not framed in a negative light (or at least, it shouldn’t be) it’s more impactful than phoenix being straight up evil since that would make it easy to take him down. This is a contest between two people who simply happen to be on opposite sides of the chess board. Again, it’s a pretty legit way to show Apollo’s growth.

...that said, I just wish it wasn’t happening after zero character build up and a heaping serving of bullshit. :T

Oh well. At least they got something right.

-

it is pretty hilarious how much they’re trying to up the drama though. it’s not that deep, guys

-

I guess Atishon just doesn’t have legs 

[snerk] his shitty speeches are actually kinda funny. ...if a little cliché.

-

...he’s standing... but I'm still not ruling out that he’s legless...

-

Tbh, even though Atishon is clearly lying, the fact that Datz basically threatened the orb out of Buff does make this kind of in their favour. 

-

...Apollo, don’t overcomplicate the case. All you have to do is prove that it’s not the crystal and you can have it. 

-

Reasons Apollo would make a good rebel: He doesn’t blab his rebelness all over the place for no reason.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR MS. SKYE

nice ankles, ms skye.

-

“Ema..?”

“Use some manners, we’re in court”

thats not the way you acted the last time you were called as his witness :/

-

whoa seriously whats with the sudden crazy 180 for Ema? Yeah, she’s grumpy, but suddenly she’s acting like Apollo’s some rude little shit off the street. Why is she upset that he’s going up against Phoenix? Why does he need to apologize? JUST BEING ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE COUTROOM DOESN’T MAKE YOU ENEMIES.

or did the SOJ team forget the lessons we learned in the trilo–– oh who am i kidding they’ve never even laid eyes on those.

-

“You’ll never get the job done with that attitude. Take it from someone who’s been there” Been where???? Been where, Ema?????? what the fuck are you talking about what is going on 

-

haha the fey statue and the urn were ‘stolen’, huh? yeah. stolen from a better game.

-

pfft. So Buff’s some Kaitou Kid type, huh?

-

y’know ive been neglecting to mention it but have you noticed how much they skimp on animation compared to DD? DD had like 20 tiny animated cutscenes, and SOJ has one lame one at the beginning of each case to set it up. I can’t believe they even slashed the animation budget.

-

has anyone noticed how unfocused 3D phoenix looks. he looks like he’s just. staring out into space.

-

i love they don’t use gendered pronouns to refer to Buff’s kid. Remember the last time they did that? Mr. Andrews......

-

“I was shocked to see the urn that came from Kurain in Kurain”

anyway quit referencing actually good games, SOJ. Back to the shame corner for you.

-

oh COME ON. How do you steal a fucking wall relief?! 

and he really couldn’t just get a fucking permit? what the fuck is this

-

“but good intentions are no get-out-of-jail-free-card”

they are a sentence-lightening card, though! either way, this is one of the things i like most about AA. No matter how good your intentions were you still dont get away with cold-blooded murder. 

OR KIDNAPPING, AURA. HAVE FUN IN JAIL YOU SHITTY EXCUSE FOR LESBIAN REPRESENTATION.

-

every single theft of an artifact can be attributed to Dr. Buff. every single one.

-

alright, so we’re back to that whole ‘missing object report’. Thing is, unless there really IS a Crystal of Ami Fey, this wouldn’t work out. Atishon has to provide evidence that he owned the item, or that it existed in the first place. If this crystal turns out to be made up I’m gonna pitch a fuckin fit.

Don’t disappoint me, SOJ.

-

“Wimperson”

ah, SOJ, with all the comedic genius of a third-grader.

...to be fair i could say the same about Larry but i like larry and AA1. and it also plays into his phrase-thingy!

-

seriously. gimme pics of the crystal or we’re gonna have some serious problems.

-

“So how do you know this item is the thing he’s looking for”

“he said so”

THATS. NOT EVIDENCE. 

-

oh judge, your oldness never ceases to be to be enjoyable 

(that wasn’t sarcasm btw i love that dumb running gag)

-

seeing phoenix scream from the opposite side of the table is very enjoyable. just because i love seeing phoenix scream but also like having that scream not mean something bad for my case. 

i get to have my cake and eat it too! <3

-

um i dont think you can put dashes in email addresses.

-

“Don’t tell me!”

“Oh, but I will anyway.”

I love Apollo so, so much.

-

so you looked far enough into this that you tried to hack his computer but you’ll accept “its mine cause i said so” as concrete proof of something??

-

“Maybe the recipient of the email was a dog lover!”

he might be on the other side with the kid gloves off but phoenix is still Phoenix “a baseball also has stitches” Wright.

-

fuck. he walks to the bench. he cant not have legs.

...but maybe........

-

what the fuck

Atishon has the same birthday as my dad

DISGUSTING

-

oh my god, seeing phoenix /sweating/ on the other side is even more surreal

-

i also love that everyones making ‘politicians are gross’ jokes willynilly but they all forget that they’re Criminal Defence Lawyers

-

“This is... Quite... a thing... you’ve said”

I'm wheezing

this is turning out to be way funnier than i expected

please SOJ I'm having fun don’t stop me now

-

i mean he has a point. if Atishon leant the item to Bluff to study that still means that Atishon owned it in the first place.

HOWEVER, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PROOF OF THE ORIGINAL ITEM IN ANY WAY RESEMBLING WHAT WE’VE GOT HERE.

-

its so weird to see phoenix on the wrong side of the bench that i keep getting his voice wrong when i read him out loud. i keep making him sound deep and authoritative instead of... well, how he usually sounds.

-

“Well, grandchildren ARE meant to be spoiled... I mean, that’s what grandfathers are for!”

judgeyyyyyyyyy

im crying

-

ema: can i fuck off now

-

“lets get more info on the crystal”

FINALLY. thank you, athena.

-

NO, NOT ITS HISTORY, DAMNIT

PROVE THAT IT EXISTS AND YOU OWNED IT.

-

“back in the old country”

...england..?

-

pft i though his testimony said “The Hilarious History” instead of illustrious history and i was so ready

-

“he protected the spirit mediums, a minority back then, from the rest of the locals”

well thats a big fat lie because

A) Kurain village is build on mediums

B) no way the Fey clan would allow a male ruler

we could reaaaaaaaallly use some photo evidence, Atishon.

-

“One Ives Shineto”

ok what the FUCK. where the hell are all the women?! HEY. SOJ TEAM. DID YOU EVEN GLANCE AT THE  oh of course you didnt fuck meeeeeeeeee

also whats that pun

-

FFFF PHOENIX YA LIL SHIT

-

“The transformation the mediums underwent when channeling spirits frightened the locals”

i am glad to know changing your entire bone structure is as scary looking as it sounds. of course, i doubt people would be frightened for too long when they were talking to deceased loved ones.

-

i must say they did do a good job writing Atishon’s lines.

-

“The Kurain channeling technique is known to have originated from Kooraheen, and Ami was said to travel there to train”

No, Ami invented the technique, and according to your backstory, she lived there first. Can you even keep your own facts straight?

I mean, apart from all this being bullshit and i hate it.

-

i legit cant believe it took THAT LONG for phoenix to point out the fact that the handover agreement was signed under duress.

that'd be like, the first thing i pointed out. 

...ah, there it is. I knew this couldn't stay a happy little civil case for long. Here comes the murder.

Also, really Phoenix? You didn’t bring up the fact that he might have been killed any earlier too?

-

Now that theyre bringing up the pile of books, I realize how ridiculous it is that there were so many of them on the ground. Pulling out one book might dislodge one or two next to it, but not the entire shelf. For the books to have fallen like that, they would have needed to have been shoved from the other side, or for the shelf to have listed forwards. neither of those things are possible. and nobody noticed this?!

i mean the only reason i didnt think about it was because i knew this was murder from the start.

-

Man, Phoenix, with all your “with respect for the dead” talk, it sure did take you a while to bring up the fact that you knew he was murdered and the police should probably be getting on that right now.

>edit: Actually I just realized how despicable that is; keeping the fact that this was murder secret just to use it later on as a quick bargaining chip in your civil case.

Hey capcom? You can screw up the series all you like but FUCK you for making Phoenix a skeezy piece of shit on par with the likes of von Karma. Because you know who else withholds information that sensitive for such a petty reason? MANFRED VON KARMA. 

Fuck you, capcom, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK you. 

-

“Did you forget who you were up against, Mr. Justice?”

All I do is hurl baseless accusations!!

-

wow the second this turned into murder i just got tired of this case. Also, Phoenix, you better back your butt back to your seat. Being a murder case, this requires a prosecutor... something that you are not.

-

theres AN AUTOPSY REPORT. WHY ISNT THIS A SEPARATE TRIAL.  THIS SHOULD BE A SEPARATE TRIAL; THIS SHOULD BE BEING... TRIAL-ED IN ANOTHER COURTROOM. you can reference it, and use it as evidence, BUT YOU CAN’T JUST COMBINE THEM.

Damnit, Capcom, I TOLD YOU NOT TO DISAPPOINT ME.

BUT YA JUST COULDN’T HELP IT, COULD YOU.

-

...Datz is in the gallery... But he was just in jai–– fuck it whatever

-

ok now that this is a murder trial Atishon’s non-answers aren’t funny anymore, theyre ANNOYING. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. YAP ME A CONTRADICTION OR I’LL CRAM YOUR BELOVED PLAQUE UP YOUR POLITICALLY INEPT ASS.

-

“Try me, o lord of plebs”

its been a long time since any meme-y type person has called someone else a pleb... please try to keep up, SOJ.

-

i love that phoenix, at the end of each statement, politely states “get the fuck on with it, asshat”

-

why the fuck did he 

fall asleep what

OOO THE JUDGE YELL 

AW YEA

-

“What did I ever do to deserve this?”

you existed in the first place, Apollo. I’m sorry.

-

No.............

I do not like that Phoenix used the phrase, “Witness, I think it’s time for you to come clean.”

You know who uses phrases like that.

Assholes.

-

“You should know I always come fully prepared, Justice!”

( buy it, buy it, buy it, buy it––)

-

...Right, so Phoenix isn’t a prosecutor but he sure as hell has been doing a lot of prosecutorial things. Calling all the witnesses, explaining the case, etc.

Oh and he and and Atishon still didn’t tell anybody that Buff was most likely murdered right off the bat so ffffffuck you capcom 

-

Fuck you, Datz. Stop laughing and fucking focus on the fact that you’ve been accused of murder and it’s kinda tough on your ol’ pal Apoll– oh wait silly me i forgot none of you give a rats ass about him. All you do is laugh and eat and sit around waiting for Sadmad to come home.

-

“Better brace yourself, son”

Hey guess what Dad warranty expires if you haven’t made or tried to make contact in 20 years so get that word out of your nasty mouth, Dhurke.

-

“Worried this might make a rift between you two...

...and that you might then leave the agency”

haha

“Hahaha. She has an active imagination”

hahahah

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

-

“...Nothing a little persuasion couldn’t handle.”

Capcom. If it was something douchey. I will tear you in half.

-

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR

robot guy

-

i remember when i used to be excited for each new case. now I'm just scared what new horrors the next will bring.

-

hang on why does the drone not have a special sound font? if it didnt disguise the operator’s voice it would be kind of obvious who they were...

-

HOLY SHIT MISSILES

SO... THE WHOLE “BOMBS IN THE COURTROOM ARE HORRIFIC THING” FROM DD IS JUST FORGOTTEN, HUH??

-

hang on.

“Capitalist pig; I’ll turn you into pork stroganoff”

is “Sarge” legit Russian, then? That explains the “Komandir” thing. Shit, I have to change my voice.

-

ok so Sarge is written with an American Sargent phonetic accent, but uses Russian rankings and seems to be communist. What am I missing???

-

“I guess he does dress like he’s in the military...”

hes a paratrooper!!! why dont you know that? i thought you grew up with him.

-

“That’s true. Papa didn’t keep our house locked up.”

...the... archeologist... with a house full of priceless treasures... didn’t lock his fucking doors.

hey congrats for trusting the mediums and all but guess what? thats irresponsible as fuck and incredibly stupid for a supposed thief so I'm kinda surprised it took you this long to be discovered/bumped off.

-

those have got to be nerf bullets cause firing a GUN in court is just fucking ridiculous. like too far for Ace Attorney. Melee weapons, ok. Long range firearms? No.

...Though... Note to self... Next time, when creating parody prosecutor, you now have legit grounds to just give him a fucking gun........

-

“Sorry, but I’m afraid lawyers are missile-proof.”

Note to self. Upgrade gag prosecutor to missile launcher.

-

ooh, i see this drone is in the same vein as the Assassin’s Radio.

-

“Courtroom warriors don’t use guns or missiles, because evidence is our weapon of choice!”

Ahah! THATS why prosecutors are so violent. They never have any evidence to back up their assertions so they just fuckin ASSAULT people.

-

i... had a little chuckle at ‘truth bomb’

-

“What’s with him and Siberia of all places?”

Well context wise it seems he's some kind of... Defected-to-communist American?

-

Huh. Athena’s powers must be based purely on sound waves then. Interesting. 

Anyway, it’s mood matrix time! Hooray!!! I’ve warmed a lot to the Mood Matrix to be honest. I like the glowy lights.

-

I’m gonna make a guess right now that something was on fire. Cause thats some PTSD shit right there.

-

pfft the gallery was so on board with their new judge overlord. Also thank goodness this is Ace Attorney and this shit is allowed to fly, cause you’d get your ass handed to you if you tried this in real court, pal.

-

Um, I wouldn’t dig any deeper if sarge is still in such a state. It’s not... safe. Either that or you best hope that thing’s bottomless magazine has run out. Plus, I love that whoever’s watching over the actual Sarge in the Lobby hasn’t tried to stop them when they noticed them SCREAMING AND PRESSING THE ‘FIRE’ BUTTON REPEATEDLY.

Or they’ve left Sarge unattended and the Dark Age of the law isn't over because it was an omnipresent thing to begin with...

-

its ok, game. contrary to what you think, you did write Sarge’s backstory in a memorable enough way for me to remember it up until now.

-

Huh. 

HUH.

So... the person involved in writing Ace Attorney Investigations... Has written a sequence in which we must burn evidence to prove a point, huh?

:T

-

DONT YOU HINT AT ME, GAME

-

that solemn moment of reflection doesn’t include Phoenix cause he’s over behind his desk bawling his eyes out

“I’LL BE YOUR NEW PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

-

actually Athena’s got a point. Her tragic backstory is much more similar to Sarge’s than Apollo’s. She can properly relate to losing one’s last family member in a horrific way.

-

S––

Well, considering her age, Cutesie Pan-up shot for Armie.

-

Apollo’s having serious Robin Newman flashbacks right about now

-

ahhhhhhhhhh. her mom was Russian. It all makes sense. Tbh just for now, forgetting everything else, this kind of does feel like an old case. I’m at peace... for now.

-

i guess it’s less of an orb and more of some kind of lantern then. Cause you can’t really burn a crystal

unless its

whitcrystal

hahah

hahahahahahahhaha

-

so far I'm ranking the cases from best to worst: Magical, This part of Revolution, Foreign, Rite and Storyteller. 

-

sgsjgsjsjjs athena’s INTENSE LOOK OF HUNGER as Apollo burns the orb

“I wanna see me some sweet mama goddess”

-

damn shit thats her face

thats uh

o

ohhhh

oh i see. I was wondering what the ‘great power’ the orb could bestow upon people was, and now I realize that since it depicts her face, if someone knows her name, they could channel her. And since she's basically an actual goddess that would bestow some serious power.

not bad, not bad at all.

i know i highly dislike Kooraheen but i legit feel kinda blessed

-

“The issue is crystal clear”

*seals phoenix’s fate with a fucking pun*

-

dont keep saying “did we just win” before the verdict is handed down, you'll jinx it.

-

oh hey, blackmail. its like a perfect reenactment of Capcom getting Phoenix to sign onto this sequel.

-

Phoenix: According to the legend, once the founder returned... She would bestow spiritual power onto the person who solved the riddle.

Apollo: ...Y-youre kidding, right?!

[Apollo looks flummoxed, the gallery whispers. We cut back to Phoenix’s smirk, and then––”

???: Phoenix... Just give it up.

[Phoenix screams in shock. We pan back to Apollo......... Who now has D-Cup breasts and a very familiar face.]

/...i wish.

-

legit tho i cant believe he's trying to pull this. I'm cackling

this is the lawyeriest lawyer ploy ive ever seen

-

“What’s gotten into him?”

bad writing.

-

sdsgsdhjafhgj EVEN THE JUDGE IS CALLING BULLSHIT IM CRYI

-

(sigh) i guess we’re really gonna have to finish this, aren’t we. oh well. on we go! let’s forge ahead!

-

y’know i just remembered that Pearl appeared like, once in this. Was that her only part? I guess she just existed to remind us that Kurain village used to have girls in it.

-

noooooooo fuuuuuuuuuuck

i really hope the contradiction doesn’t require pressing because i aint sitting thru this fuck’s antics again.

-

it has rounded corners.

and its huge.

-

phoenix and apollo’s objections are too similar, i can never tell who’s screaming.

-

“There haven't been many murders there, I take it”

well........ not “many”

-

i love that Atishon pledges to banish murdeer from Kurain village and Apollo is all “yea good luck with that” like Murder is inevitable, even in a tiny village like Kurain.

Thats. kinda terrifying.

...though considering the way Kurain is...

-

i cant tell phoenix and apollo’s voices apart (sigh)

i never know whose objecting 

-

Phoenix: my client couldn't have viewed the murder directly from where he said he was, but the fact remains that he had inside knowledge of said crime!

...phoenix, you’re just trying to help apollo along, right? you didnt seriously believe that that sounded positive to your case, instead of Shady as Fuck, right??

-

“You talk big, Mr. Justice, but do you have what it takes?”

he just finished telling Phoenix he was about to put what Phoenix taught him into practice. Phoenix should be swallowing a lump in his throat and trying not to cry of pride right now.

-

“that suitcase could be a weapon anyone could use!”

yeah... yeah! even someone in a wheelchair!! oh wait wrong case.

..........but we still have someone in a wheelchair

-

a 3D crimscene view

haven't seen that shit since AAAJ

-

‘THAT SHITSTAIN ON THE BOOK PROVES HE WAS HAVIN THE COFFEE SQUIRTS, CASE CLOSED BOYS”

sorry i just felt like being vulgar

-

“and there it is, the final excuse cornered killers are so fond of”

holy shit

i love apollo

-

phoenix shut up please, just shut up

let it end

let me rest

-

oh wait

ah here we go.

-

“hes a bright young politician with a future ahead of him, its in our nations best interests to avoid burdening him with the taint of scandal”

hey, uh Enshiro

ill never forgive you for putting those words in Phoenix Wright’s mouth

-

“Lawyer! Do something! Or a bad thing will happen to ‘her’!”

no? nobody else heard that incredibly obvious threat? nobodys gonna

“whats he talking about? well, i can ponder that later. for now...”

FUCK

YOU

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT IS CONNECTED TO YOUR FUCKING EARS?!

HOW THICK HEADED DO YOU HAVE TO FFUCKING BE TO NOT RECOGNIZE A GODDAMN THREAT WHEN YOU HEAR ONE YOU 

YOU

YOU PUTRID PICKLED RED PEPPER?!?!??!?!

-

Athena: oh yeah i also heard Atishon making blatant threats at Phoenix but meh, phoenix made me pinky swear not to tell. 

I’m not shitting a lung in fury, I’m just getting rid of an organ i dont need through the nearest available passage. I’m perfectly calm and not cursing this game, Eshiro and his entire team to the pits of their own stupid made up hell.

-

“I had no idea. This must’ve been excruciating for him.”

i wanted to write a sarcastic jingle but i had trouble coming up with rhymes, so the blunt bottom line is:

when you’re not good at writing, simply steal clever and impactful plots from previous iterations so that you’ll seem clever and exciting

i mean

nobody even remembers Farewell my Turnabout anymore, right????

-

what the fuck is his deal with being king

-

OH SHUT UP DURKE 

GO FUCK YOURSELF

think youre gonna steal Franziska and Mia’s thunder????????????? no

you aren’t a fucking fraction of an inch as cool as either of them.

-

“he’s saved my neck so many times”

w

when

-

“where there’s a will, there’s a way”

how about where theres a whip, theres a better game?

-

“wait................... maybe we can summon the founder now that we can see her face??”

aww. you got there in the end, didnt you apollo.

-

...that doesnt automatically spare Maya’s life. Pearl is also a spirit medium. And i’m fairly certain there are other–– oh wait SOJ retconned that neverMIND

anyway, Atishon could still bump Maya off and then force Pearl to channel Mamma Kooraheen

-

OH MY GOD HE JUST BROUGHT UP PEARL

WHY PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID 

-

WIMPERSON BROUGHT UP PEARL

THE IDIOT VILLAIN BROUGHT UP THE FLAW IN YOUR BRILLIANT PLAN 

GSEGFISGUILSGIULSGUI;SRHG

-

“pearl wouldn't help you if anything happened to maya”

um. you morons think he’d politely ask her to help??? he's already kidnapped someone and threatened their death?? he and his founder aren't above torture or blackmail????????????

you FUCKING MORONS

-

why even bother resigning? just do what you did before and let him go to jail.

-

...this’d better just be a lead up to his breakdown animation 

-

YOU COCKSUCKING FUCKSTAINS JUST END IT ALREADY

END IT END IT END IT EDN TI EDNEI HDFI HSRLG SIHFLIHIR HF;LIVHLSIRHIGHISRHOVGLORIH’WI’HSGOI’WSGZIHSI

-

“if only you'd been smart enough to kill the girl, too...”

wow

-

...what the fuck

well that was... interesting.

-

i cant even celebrate Phoenix congratulating Apollo, I'm just so tired

there are like 85 sarcastic remarks i could make but I'm just so exhausted 

-

yay we got the orb

dootdootdoot dootdootdoot

-

even the judge doesnt want to have anything more to do with this.

im right there with ya judgey

-

“All I can say is, thats my boy!”

NO, YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM PARENTAL PRIDE OF THIS KID

HES NOT YOUR BOY

YOU BARELY RAISED HIM

GO HOME AND DO YOUR SHITTY COUP

-

“Still, its kinda nice to be appreciated”

if only you actually were, Apollo

-

yeah, thought so... ill bet they dont even channel her. cop out.

“tsk, thats no fun” indeed, trucy

-

i love how nobodys like “OK WHERE’S MAYA??? IS SHE OK???”

its fine her whereabouts are unknown and the last info on her was just that her life was in danger

pfffff

-

its alright, Armie has a place at the WAO 

-

"i knew if i admitted i could walk, id have to leave the house”

uh honey newsflash: you can leave the house in a wheelchair too. I'm pretty sure your dad would let you stay inside anyway

-

christ how fucking corny can you get. I CAN WALK AGAIN. why dont we just have Tiny Tim in here throwing away his crutch and dancing a fucking jig

-

see, there we are. Maya’s still in danger you fuck wits.

-

and part one is over, folks! i am pooped. and furious.

till next time.